#195 - Mary Beth Barone

Mary Beth Barone joins the pod to discuss her new special Galaxy Brain (out now on Netflix), the newly updated Stavvy's World studio look, being a high school Republican, mid-2000s politics, having the GOAT mental illness, her and Stav’s thoughts on the movie The Whale, when she realized that the patriarchy is bad, her fabulous gay uncle, taking her shoes off, and much more. Mary Beth and Stav help callers including a woman wondering if she should cut off an ex she recently reconnected with or end her marriage, and a guy who used to suffer from OCD who can’t stop obsessing over his girlfriend’s past threesomes. Watch Mary Beth Barone’s special Galaxy Brain on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82148356 Follow Mary Beth Barone: https://www.marybethbarone.com/ https://www.instagram.com/marybethbarone https://www.tiktok.com/@marybethbarone https://www.youtube.com/@marybethbarone Thanks to our sponsors! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Stavros Halkias?

  How do you want to split it?

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Actually, dinner's on me.

• 0:32Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, big money.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo debit MasterCard, so.

• 0:37Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week, so it's kinda on me, actually.

• 0:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, you send it, I spend it.

• 0:43Stavros Halkias?

  Did my money get reincarnated?

• 0:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's chicken shawarma. Who want it back?

• 0:48Stavros Halkias?

  I can't believe you ate my Venmo.

• 0:51Speaker 00

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• 1:00Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-Stavi. Call the Stavi hotline. Sponsored by Visible. On the couch today, we're very likely to have Mary Beth Barone. Special, right now, out on Netflix, Galaxy Brain. Overcompensating, season two.

• 1:18Speaker 00

  Wrapped.

• 1:18Stavros Halkias?

  Wrapped, coming to your television very soon. And she's here in our beautiful Chelsea headquarters of Stavi, baby. Actually, this is, I think this is the first, the debut of the new studio, Mary Beth.

• 1:32Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:33Speaker 00

  It's an honor. It's a really beautiful space.

• 1:35Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  And congratulations. I mean, you kind of have a media empire and you're a movie star.

• 1:40Stavros Halkias?

  I know, it's kinda crazy.

• 1:42Speaker 00

  Because we haven't really caught up in a while, and it's like, so since then, you've become a movie star.

• 1:48Stavros Halkias?

  It is. The movie thing is really, also doesn't make sense to me, to be fair. That's also caught me off guard as well.

• 1:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:55Stavros Halkias?

  Because I thought maybe I could act a little bit, but, you know, I didn't think they would put me in an Oscar movie first.

• 2:01Speaker 00

  It's a tough bar to set.

• 2:03Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I know.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  But then potentially a second Oscar movie.

• 2:06Stavros Halkias?

  Look, Tony's good. Shout out to Dom, Dominic Sessa. He was friend of the show. He was on Last Week, in fact. He's fucking awesome. Antonio Banderas was so fuck. I think Antonio could get nominated, because he's really good in this movie. But yeah, it's kinda fucking nuts.

• 2:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:24Stavros Halkias?

  And I do, yeah, I have this office, and there's like four, there's like seven people here working.

• 2:30Speaker 00

  I know. It's like, you have a, you have a company.

• 2:32Stavros Halkias?

  It's so weird. I have to go out, like, make sure morale is up with the editors.

• 2:38Speaker 00

  Who's the HR department, by the way?

• 2:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's Eldis.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  Okay, cool.

• 2:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:42Speaker 00

  Eldis is working hand in hand.

• 2:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  No one can hear your screams in this corner.

• 2:47Speaker 00

  Right. Well, I see the soundproofing. You close that door.

• 2:52Stavros Halkias?

  Look, we just started the Matt Lauer button isn't yet, we haven't yet installed it.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  So I could leave if I wanted.

• 2:56Stavros Halkias?

  You could leave, unfortunately. We don't like telling the female guests that, but because we go back, I will let you know that you, the Matt Lauer button is not in yet. But, yeah, things are, but look, I mean, come on, you're no fucking slouch over here.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  I'm doing, I'm doing stuff too.

• 3:09Stavros Halkias?

  You're on a big show, the special's really great.

• 3:12Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 3:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 00

  I'm trying to figure out how to sit comfortably right now. It's not, I haven't totally found it yet, but.

• 3:16Stavros Halkias?

  Do you need another pillow?

• 3:18Speaker 00

  I think it's a good challenge for me to have to figure it out with this one. And I might, is it cool at some point if I take my shoes off?

• 3:23Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. You can absolutely take your shoes off.

• 3:25Speaker 00

  Okay, I will at some point. I'm gonna surprise you.

• 3:28Stavros Halkias?

  Great, great, great. You'll keep the foot freaks on the hook.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Well, that's the thing.

• 3:32Stavros Halkias?

  I like this.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  Why wouldn't I?

• 3:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  They deserve it.

• 3:35Stavros Halkias?

  They do.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Do you know all the hard work? They're doing boots on the ground. And it's like WikiFeet, like, they're keeping that updated all the time.

• 3:42Stavros Halkias?

  That is true.

• 3:43Speaker 00

  But they're not hurting anyone, as far as I know.

• 3:45Stavros Halkias?

  Do you have a big foot contingent, do you think, amongst your fanbase?

• 3:48Speaker 00

  I get, I get some replies when I post the feet.

• 3:51Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 3:51Speaker 00

  And it's like, oh, feet for free? I'm like, well, what?

• 3:55Stavros Halkias?

  I'm at the beach.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  I don't have, yeah. I just posted a photo of myself. If you want to take that and jerk off to it, that's up to you. And that's sort of always been my approach.

• 4:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 4:05Speaker 00

  If I post something and you want to jerk off to it, that's between you and God.

• 4:09Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not here to stop you.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  I couldn't.

• 4:11Stavros Halkias?

  And you don't want that knowledge, either. It's more, it's more that it's not just between them, it's like, just keep me out of it.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Right.

• 4:17Stavros Halkias?

  It's a victimless crime, as long as, but the second you find out about it, retroactively, it's a little strange.

• 4:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've never, I don't really, I haven't, well, who knows after this, but.

• 4:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, sorry.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  We've got a little something for everyone here. I don't know, but I think it's great, and keep it up, and.

• 4:35Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  It's, yeah, it's, it's not hurting anyone, as far as I know.

• 4:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful. Shout out to the foot. I mean, I don't, you know, not shout out them, I don't really get it, if I'm being completely honest.

• 4:44Speaker 00

  But it's okay to, and I don't, it's like, I don't get a lot of things. And if people enjoy it, that's fine, and I think, I won't say specifically what I don't get, because I don't want the fandoms coming for me.

• 4:53Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  But.

• 4:55Stavros Halkias?

  See, I'm not a coward. I'll say I don't get the foot stuff. I'm more of a, I gotta be honest, kind of like a tits, cheek, ass, beautiful face.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Well, I love it.

• 5:06Stavros Halkias?

  Those are, those are kind of my, that's, I'm a little freak when it comes to that kind of stuff.

• 5:10Speaker 00

  Well, you're a traditionalist. You're more of like a classic.

• 5:13Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a small C conservative when it comes to stuff I beat off to.

• 5:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, which I think is probably good.

• 5:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  But I love that with, like, with woke culture, it's like, we have to end racism, xenophobia, homophobia, and we have to end kink shaming.

• 5:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  First of all, I.

• 5:30Stavros Halkias?

  They're not the same, guys.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  They're not on the same level, but also, like, I will, it's funny.

• 5:35Stavros Halkias?

  It is funny.

• 5:36Speaker 00

  If you like piss play, like, that's totally fine, I'm not mad at you.

• 5:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 5:39Speaker 00

  But I can laugh about that.

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point. I don't, I'm not gonna stop you from getting a job at the bank, if you want to get pissed on.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 5:46Stavros Halkias?

  But I am going to laugh when I hear that you, you know, put a snorkel on and had your wife squat over top of you.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Oh, and I'm telling everyone, by the way.

• 5:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 00

  Because that's something we can all enjoy. You're getting enjoyment out of it sexually, we're getting enjoyment out of it socially.

• 6:01Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 6:01Speaker 00

  So I think that's fair.

• 6:03Stavros Halkias?

  That is beautiful, yeah. Well, shout out to all the communities, and just keep a lookout, Mary Beth will be losing these shoes at some, you know what? I think I will, too, actually. I've had my shoes on all day.

• 6:13Speaker 00

  All day. Well, you're a boss now.

• 6:14Stavros Halkias?

  I am a boss, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:16Speaker 00

  I actually, I've been so curious with, with the, you know, trajectory of your career, and I know this is your podcast, but I have questions. I'm like, how do you feel, I guess something I would be wondering, how do you feel about your legacy, multiple podcasts that you have had, where you are now? Like, what's, how do you, you look back on that, because when I first started comedy, you had another podcast.

• 6:36Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  And I'm wondering how you feel about just, like, that whole thing.

• 6:41Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I feel great about it. We did some great work on Come Town.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:45Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it really was the funniest, I think it was the funniest of the, like, 2016, like, post, you know, like, we kind of were in the shadow of, first, the election, which is crazy to think about, the Trump-Hillary election. I think, I think for my money, there's no podcast that hit higher highs. No, there were some very, very low lows, right? We really phoned it in, I would say, 70% of the time. But when me and Nick were clicking.

• 7:12Speaker 00

  When you guys were cooking.

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I really don't think anybody riffs better than me and Nick when we are truly locked in. And, and I mean, there were times where we hated each other, and it was still funny. And that was just, there was just something beautiful about that kind of creative partnership that, you know, obviously, we both want, like, at a certain point, you can't be, I've said it before, you can't be the Come Town guy at 40.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Forever, yeah. Well, and it's honestly pretty honorable that you even think that.

• 7:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 00

  There are some people in their 40s that are not letting go of that, that whole thing.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 7:46Speaker 00

  But also, I, I only know the lore of the podcast, because I'm a girl, I didn't listen to it.

• 7:50Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  And so I didn't go to the.

• 7:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sure some of the worst relationships you were in, you heard it in the background, maybe?

• 7:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:55Speaker 00

  And that felt good.

• 7:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 00

  Everyone, I guess, like, yeah, you gotta make, everyone needs stuff to get through. But I, so that wasn't a leading question, anyway. I was just curious, because obviously, you know, we think about 2016, different time, and.

• 8:07Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  And even some of the stand-up I did back then, I'm like, I don't really, like, stand by it now.

• 8:11Stavros Halkias?

  All the N-word stuff.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  A lot of it, yeah. But it was different.

• 8:16Stavros Halkias?

  It was a different time.

• 8:18Speaker 00

  I was only 25.

• 8:19Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, you were but a girl.

• 8:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was learning, I was finding my footing.

• 8:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, once you, like, it was, the words were one thing, I did think when the makeup came out, that was a big problem.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  I told you guys I did not want to talk about that.

• 8:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, you were not a racist comedian, but it is funny, it is funny, because you are like, I always found it hilarious that you were like a high school Republican.

• 8:43Speaker 00

  Right.

• 8:43Stavros Halkias?

  That was really fu, and it does, when I found it out, I was both surprised, it was like Schrodinger's tidbit.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 8:50Stavros Halkias?

  Where you're both surprised and completely not surprised at the same time. And so we're talking, you're like, because you were, it is funny that the woman we see before us was at one point a Connecticut Republican.

• 9:03Speaker 00

  Yeah. And, and from where, where I'm from in Connecticut is pretty liberal, too, so.

• 9:09Stavros Halkias?

  So you were going against the grain.

• 9:11Speaker 00

  I was a counterculture.

• 9:15Speaker 00

  I was part of the counterculture. I guess you could say that has remained.

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 9:19Speaker 00

  That's the through line.

• 9:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, so really, you're just a contrarian.

• 9:22Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 9:22Stavros Halkias?

  You have no beliefs.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  I have no, I stand on nothing. I really go where the money is. And when I was in fifth grade, the money was in the Republican Party.

• 9:30Stavros Halkias?

  Fifth grade? You were like campaigning for George W. Bush?

• 9:33Speaker 00

  Well, nine 11 happened when I was in fifth grade.

• 9:36Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay.

• 9:36Speaker 00

  And I've talked about this before, because I do think nine 11 created this like sort of generation of nationalists. Like, obviously, people, people that were liberal before that were still liberal after.

• 9:46Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  I think, but people that were conservative before that really doubled down on the mentality of like, you know, we have to protect our freedoms and stuff, freedom fries.

• 9:53Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, freedom fries.

• 9:54Speaker 00

  And what have you. And so, yeah, it just felt like, well, we have to protect, because like, all these countries are trying to take that away from us.

• 10:01Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  And then, as I grew, I, I met more people, I left Catholic school, went to public school, went to college, then started doing comedy when I was 25. I feel like my world just kept growing, and I thought, well, it was really when I was around 20 that I stopped identifying as Republican. And then I just kept leaning more and more left until now I'm in the DSA.

• 10:21Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. What a beautiful story. I mean, you're right that like, I was, I'm a year older, so I was in sixth grade. And I remember, I mean, when I was a kid, I convinced my mother to vote for the Green Party.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  How?

• 10:34Stavros Halkias?

  Well, my social studies teacher, we had like this, he was a, it was one of these classic guys that was a libertarian, but actually, and actually was like, I want everyone to make up their mind. He was like a, he was actually cool. So he gave you all the facts. And he like, and we had like a little, because it was, it was the Bush, it was the Bush Gore election. And I was in sixth grade for, I was, I think I'm two years older, I was in seventh grade when nine 11 happened. So the Bush Gore, and so he just like, just with no, he just put, you know, names of candidates and like their main points. And I was like, whoa, these fucking green guys are up, this is some good shit. And then you learn about how, well, the Democrats are gonna win. I, I learned about the Electoral College, so, like, I was thinking about that in sixth grade, where I was like,

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  well, Democrats are gonna win Maryland anyway. Mom, this could be, if they hit the 5% threshold, this could be huge for the funding for the Green Party. And so I, you were young, they let your kids in, in the voting booth at the time? Like, if you were under a certain age? And so, they let me in, and I was like, Mom, come on. Let's get fucking Ralph Nader in that bitch. And yes, I was, and, and people still, you know, are mad, are mad at, you know, Ralph Nader for Florida, whatever, but that's who, who I was. But even me, I remember thinking like, even though I was like very skeptical of Bush, and like, I guess the second, the second election must have happened, what, in like ninth grade or 10th grade?

• 11:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:57Stavros Halkias?

  Part of me was like, well, you can't change horses in the middle of this just war.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  Well, and John Kerry was.

• 12:05Stavros Halkias?

  John Kerry was tough, yeah.

• 12:08Speaker 00

  That didn't do, that didn't do good. That was when you could lose an election, because there were photos of you.

• 12:12Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, because you had no sauce on a fucking surfboard.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  Or you did a weird yell at a rally.

• 12:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's the most awesome one of all time.

• 12:22Speaker 00

  And you're fine.

• 12:23Stavros Halkias?

  You can rape now, you can be friends with the pedophile, with the pedophile.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  The, the sort of, what is it? I don't know what monolith means, but I feel like he's the guy.

• 12:32Stavros Halkias?

  He's absolutely the pedophile of his era.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  The.

• 12:34Stavros Halkias?

  Everybody else, it's like, it's like the guys who had to fight Tyson in his prime. I feel bad for all the other evil pedophiles. Maybe you would have had the belt if you weren't around Epstein, but unfortunately.

• 12:45Speaker 00

  They're never gonna get that name recognition.

• 12:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no. You said, but I, I, I was, I was like secretly like, I can't let people know that I, I kinda would be okay if Bush won. Right? And then immediately, I was like, you know, you, you turn, you turn like a year older, and you're like, oh. And I was, I was a politics nerd hilariously when I was, when I was in high school. Like, I really, I really like, liked that stuff and cared about it. And then, and then I was like, wait, this fucking, like, I remember thinking about the surge in Iraq, where they were gonna send more people, more, like, I remember, this is.

• 13:21Speaker 00

  It's so much stuff.

• 13:22Stavros Halkias?

  I stopped, but it is, there is, I, there's a moment where my brain completely, and it was basically the, the, the Romney Obama election, where I was like, alright, I'm done.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:33Stavros Halkias?

  This was the last time I remember.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  That's the one I checked out too. I just thought like, I don't, there's nothing for me here.

• 13:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 00

  Even though, well, obviously there was, but.

• 13:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was when I was just, I didn't, there, also, we were so, as kids, exposed to so many traumatic things, that I'm sure maybe in other countries wouldn't feel like that many things, but it's like, we were the anthrax generation, the sniper generation.

• 13:56Stavros Halkias?

  The DC Sniper, I was in Baltimore.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  Well, I was gonna say.

• 13:58Stavros Halkias?

  And my dad had a white van.

• 13:59Speaker 00

  So you guys got taken.

• 14:01Stavros Halkias?

  So what happened, I remember one time we were playing pickup hoops, and my dad came to pick me up in his white work van. And everybody was like, there's a fucking van out there. And we were like zigzagging, playing hoops.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  Not funny, but it is.

• 14:13Stavros Halkias?

  It was, at the time.

• 14:14Speaker 00

  Because it's your dad.

• 14:15Stavros Halkias?

  It was my dad, yeah, yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's another, that's how much nine 11, like, everybody was so on board. Like, my father, a, an immigrant who hated being in America, who wanted to be in Greece so much, he put a American flag decal on his work van, I was like, oh wow, we're in something serious that happened.

• 14:32Speaker 00

  And we all got, it was psychosis.

• 14:34Stavros Halkias?

  American patriotic? That's fucking insane.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  But that's, it brought us all together.

• 14:40Stavros Halkias?

  It did, brings us together, and we've had no problems ever since.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  No, we fixed it.

• 14:44Stavros Halkias?

  We're still a united, a beautiful, united country.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:47Stavros Halkias?

  So you were a counterculture, like, was, like, in your family, was, were, what are we looking at? Was it like mostly, I've, because your parents seemed nice, they're nice people.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  They're great people. It was, it was very, um, they were like, of the spectrum now, moderate, I would say. They, it was a lot about like taxes and being pro-life and things like that, because we were Catholic.

• 15:09Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  But then, yeah, we all sort of shifted to the left in lockstep.

• 15:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the family did, that's kinda cute.

• 15:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, because they're intelligent.

• 15:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 15:19Speaker 00

  They can read, so, that was, yeah, beautiful sort of transformation for all of us, but it was, I think like neighbors, we would, you know, some, you would find your like Bush-loving neighbors, and then you would just like, feel like a brotherhood, like a kinship with them. And then the liberal ones, you kind of roll your eyes at.

• 15:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, when Bush threw that fucking, that strike at the World Series, do you remember that?

• 15:41Speaker 00

  I actually don't remember that.

• 15:42Stavros Halkias?

  That was awesome.

• 15:43Speaker 00

  Was it really?

• 15:43Stavros Halkias?

  That was actually pretty sick.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  He had swag, and he had, he had a charisma that we don't, we haven't seen that much in our lifetime from politicians.

• 15:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, because he was just, it is the like, just, he seemed fun, truly. He's, and to this day, he kinda does, unfortunately.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  He's just painting, right?

• 16:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and, and he was like, he was clearly a stooge for Dick Cheney, but whatever.

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Well, yeah.

• 16:05Stavros Halkias?

  You know, we don't have to keep talking about fucking mid 2000s political stuff.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  Because you were so keyed in.

• 16:11Stavros Halkias?

  It kind of is, it actually is, but this is not something we need to be fucking recording and putting out into the world, but we can keep talking about it.

• 16:18Speaker 00

  Maybe it's like, if not us, then who?

• 16:19Stavros Halkias?

  That is true, that is true. Yeah, exactly.

• 16:22Speaker 00

  Well, watch the movie Dick, that opened my eyes to a lot that I didn't know.

• 16:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:28Speaker 00

  Really, really good film.

• 16:29Stavros Halkias?

  It did piss me off that he, that Christian Bale got fat and took, took a part from a, you know, fat actor.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:36Stavros Halkias?

  But he did a great job. Yeah, one of, one of the, one of the best to do it.

• 16:40Speaker 00

  Well, at least he gained the weight.

• 16:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 16:42Speaker 00

  He became a fat actor.

• 16:44Stavros Halkias?

  No fat suit, you're right. This episode of Stav's World is sponsored by Twisted Tea. I'm having a marvelous Twisted Tea summer. I'm watching soccer, I'm watching the O's play, I'm grabbing a Twisted Tea off the ice, and I'm sucking it down. I'm having the time of my life grilling a dog, grilling a nice little piece of flank steak, what have you. It's a refreshing hard iced tea that tastes like real iced tea, because it's made with real brewed tea. 5% per volume, just the right amount, full flavor goes down smooth, no carbonation, no carbonation at all. And if you really want to turn your summer plans up a frickin' notch and a half, grab the Twisted Tea Party Pack,

• 17:25Stavros Halkias?

  and maybe taste original flavor, half and half flavor, peach flavor, or raspberry flavor, dancing on your tongue. There's something for everyone in your group. This summer, cherish the simple, good times, the backyard combos with your best pals and a pack of Twisted Tea, and the memories you'll still have when you're 100 years old. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today, keep it twisted, must be 21 plus, and little, please, drink responsibly. This episode is brought to you by Visible, the smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon.

• 18:06Stavros Halkias?

  We have Visible here at Stavvy Baby Enterprises, we love it, we just got a new assistant, she loves it, she's taking all our sushi orders, they're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stavvy's World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com, the Visible plan starts at $25 a month, or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAV. Terms apply. Brendan Fraser pissed me, I mean, I guess you can't get as fat as the whale is. Like, that would be insane, like that.

• 18:47Speaker 00

  I've talked about the whale on multiple podcasts, and I've had them cut it every single time.

• 18:50Stavros Halkias?

  Really? Do you want to do, well, listen, this is kind of, this is the podcast to do it all. Our, our eating disorders cancel each other out.

• 18:58Speaker 00

  I know, so we can really talk about anything.

• 19:00Stavros Halkias?

  We really can. We're a true neutral when it comes to eating disorders.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  It's a zero-sum game or whatever. I would love to hear your perspective on it.

• 19:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, as.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  Did you see it in theaters?

• 19:09Stavros Halkias?

  No, me and Elda saw it on a.

• 19:11Speaker 00

  You torrented it?

• 19:12Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, we saw it on a plane next to each other. And we, we like timed it out, I mean, it was like, it was insane, it's like, it's like, like, uh, it's like anti-fat propaganda, it's like watching.

• 19:25Speaker 00

  It's almost anti-person propaganda.

• 19:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 19:27Speaker 00

  I think everyone in that movie comes off terrible.

• 19:29Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it was like, he would have a problem, he would have one setback, and then he'd be like,

• 19:35Stavros Halkias?

  it's like, come on, man. Like, and he just had, he had like a cartoon character, drawers full of, of like, different types of candy bars, and it's like, I don't know, would he even do, like, that's not, that guy just orders food every day, he doesn't have the organization.

• 19:51Speaker 00

  He's not putting certain things in certain drawers.

• 19:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, no, there's a big, there's a garbage bag full of random fucking candies that he gets his friend to, to bring him or whatever the fuck. But yes, that was, I mean. Truly the hardest I've laughed at a movie in a decade. Like I maybe, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe since I saw Borat in theaters.

• 20:13Speaker 00

  Okay, so since the Romney Obama.

• 20:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, since the Romney Obama era was when he ascends at the end. I mean, when he starts fucking floating into heaven, me and Eldis both were like.

• 20:25Speaker 00

  It's ambiguous. It's ambiguous. He could be floating toward recovery.

• 20:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's no chance. He's dead as hell. He dies and it's awesome. But he also gets to go to heaven, which I guess is something. I guess he's maybe he's not fat in heaven. I mean, that would be, that would actually be it. He goes to heaven and he's not fat and he's straight. And they've cured him of his two great sins.

• 20:47Speaker 00

  He's gay in it.

• 20:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's gay and like his, his boy, his husband dying or boyfriend dying is what like made him get fat as shit. And listen, in my experience, you get so fat, your girlfriend breaks up with you.

• 20:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:58Stavros Halkias?

  It's not like they get, they, I guess, I haven't had anybody die, but uh, yeah, that's, that is, it was just. I mean, it was the best comedy I've seen forever.

• 21:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's as somebody who it literally, there's a way my life goes. I could have ended up as the whale, no problem.

• 21:17Speaker 00

  No.

• 21:18Stavros Halkias?

  I, I mean, not.

• 21:20Speaker 00

  Teaching a class on Zoom.

• 21:21Stavros Halkias?

  All right, you're right. I'd be a much more successful insanely obese person, but I could have, like truly, I know that that is, I could have gotten that fat for sure. Like there are both, like, I mean, look at the, look at, not Live at the Lodge, but look at fucking uh, uh, Fat Rascal. We're not out of, we're not, you could, that's larval whale right there. You know what I mean? Like there was a, I was 352.

• 21:47Speaker 00

  You're putting numbers on the board.

• 21:48Stavros Halkias?

  I was 355 seven. You know what I mean? That's, I'm a spherical ass boy. And so, let's say I have a couple of bad breaks there. I could go whale style, no problem.

• 21:58Speaker 00

  You're, you become.

• 21:59Stavros Halkias?

  I got really close to being like, is walking even worth it? You know what I mean? Like, like you're like, this is, this is getting tough. Like, you know, and I was just taking pill, like, I was so fucked up at all times and the whale didn't even do drugs.

• 22:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:13Stavros Halkias?

  I would have been.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Not even smoking weed or anything.

• 22:15Stavros Halkias?

  Actually, you know what? That's probably what would have stopped me from getting to be the whale. You can't do, cause you will die before you get that fat.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:21Stavros Halkias?

  If you also.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  Well, you're just cardiac arrest.

• 22:24Stavros Halkias?

  Some, whatever it is.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  He's getting clogged up.

• 22:26Stavros Halkias?

  You throw enough.

• 22:27Speaker 00

  Or you choke while you're jerking off, which is the opening scene in the movie.

• 22:30Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. That is true. I forgot about that. That's how fucking insane that movie is.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  That you forgot about that.

• 22:35Stavros Halkias?

  And that's, and they, they structured like a great standup set.

• 22:38Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 22:38Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you have a big opener and you have a huge closer. There are two moments where they're so fucking funny.

• 22:47Speaker 00

  It's like, yeah, it's the bell.

• 22:48Stavros Halkias?

  And then, yeah, look, in the middle, you can fuck around a little bit, you know? There are moments where it tries to be a real movie, but that, that's boring. It's like, let's get the, let's get the fat minstrel show back on.

• 22:58Speaker 00

  Well, cause wasn't it a play?

• 22:59Stavros Halkias?

  It was a play and it was a COVID movie. They were like, it's the kind of thing where, let's do something with four people in one set. So whatever, but like, sucks dick. One of the worst movies and I, look, Aaron Offy's got a couple of bangers, obviously, like, Black Swan and The Wrestler is.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  Mother for me is a sort of pivotal.

• 23:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 00

  Pivotal movie for me in my life and my journey.

• 23:22Stavros Halkias?

  I don't remember mother, was that?

• 23:23Speaker 00

  Jennifer Lawrence.

• 23:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh shit.

• 23:25Speaker 00

  And Javier Bardem.

• 23:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Hell yeah.

• 23:28Speaker 00

  Fabulous film. Really, really, really scary. Yeah. And that's, that could have been a COVID movie because it's like four, but no, then there's crowds at the end. And it really goes, it goes off the rails, but in a way that it really reflected like to me, like the female experience. So I loved that movie, but yeah, the whale was an interesting choice.

• 23:45Speaker 00

  I'm glad that you didn't get there.

• 23:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, me too. I'm glad.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  Everyone's glad. All the people listening to this are really glad.

• 23:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I didn't go whale style.

• 23:52Speaker 00

  You decided that walking is worth it.

• 23:54Stavros Halkias?

  I did decide and then I threw, and then the worst thing that ever happened is like, I try, I've been like, I was working out for honestly, like a full year and I was lifting weights even while, you know, maybe I wasn't losing weight, but I was getting healthier and I was slowly losing weight. And then I fucking threw my back out exercising.

• 24:11Speaker 00

  That is such a slap in the face.

• 24:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's fucking insane.

• 24:13Speaker 00

  I know.

• 24:14Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, I literally had come from a, I skipped the holidays. I went on a wellness retreat because I was like, the holidays usually fuck me up.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:21Stavros Halkias?

  Instead of gaining the holiday 10, I'm gonna lose and I'm up 15, I'm now a minus. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm doing that math.

• 24:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:29Stavros Halkias?

  And I just, two weeks after that, right before tires was gonna start and the tour was gonna start, I fucked my back up to the point where I couldn't, I actually ironically got so, I wasn't fat, but I was moving like the whale.

• 24:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:41Stavros Halkias?

  Like I had the.

• 24:41Speaker 00

  You had the brush in the shower.

• 24:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I had Eldis towel me off. Eldis, I would just, yeah, I said the tour bus, Eldis would just hook up to a hose.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  Spray you out.

• 24:51Stavros Halkias?

  He was spraying me down. He would get the, yeah. Now, what are your observations from that era of, of my life, Eldis, as a, as an observer?

• 24:59Speaker 03

  That was probably like, I was probably even fatter than myself than I am now.

• 25:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's true. That's actually.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  That was an unhealthy time for me as well.

• 25:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  Probably just because of the touring and everything.

• 25:08Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. It was our first, it was our first run of this level of success. And we did not know how to act at all.

• 25:14Speaker 03

  I, I honestly didn't like, I didn't notice or think anything about it while it was happening, but yeah, now I look back at pictures and photos of you from them. Like holy fuck, I really was fat as shit.

• 25:24Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I mean, Ben and, and George, straight George would literally, it got to the point where friends of mine were being like, hey, man, so uh, we're, we're gonna get this under control soon, right? Like when you're getting those check-ins, when you're, I mean, I've told this story before, but when Ben, Ben went on the road before we kind of figured out our, you know, the way the company works. Sometimes Ben would come on the road, sometimes Eldis would. And in Minneapolis, I took a nap and I was like, all right, fellas, we'll meet up at like five, whatever. And I was just really tired. I was also, you know, very unhealthy and I couldn't, I couldn't sleep well either at the time. And so I hit this nap and it was like the nicest, most luxurious nap. And I, I slept through the, you know, I slept through my alarm.

• 26:07Stavros Halkias?

  And the, the way Ben reacted, the way where it was like, stop, stop. And he's like calling someone from the hotel, like literally I wake up to Ben and someone from the hotel opening my door. Cause he was like, he's dead.

• 26:20Speaker 00

  It's a literal wake up call. Yeah.

• 26:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, he thought that I was minimum 50% dead.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:28Stavros Halkias?

  Minimum and probably, let's be honest, a little higher.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:31Stavros Halkias?

  And so then, you know, I continued what I was doing for the other six months, but then after that, eventually, you know, we, we figured it out. But, you know, it's tough when you get just, like, anyway.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Do you feel pressure to stay where you're at now because you're a movie star?

• 26:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, I have no, I have no worries about it whatsoever because I just, my, my view is just, I've always had irrational confidence. And it's like, I'll figure this. You think I can't figure out losing weight?

• 26:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:59Stavros Halkias?

  You think I can't, you think it's gonna be harder for me in entertainment if I'm less fat? Cause let me tell you something, I'm still gonna read as a fat guy.

• 27:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:07Stavros Halkias?

  I could read as a 1920s fat guy and that's just, it just, I'll keep a little cheek. You know what I mean? I'm never gonna get skinny. I also kind of want to get jacked, you know, like just big arms.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:18Stavros Halkias?

  We'll figure it out. I'm not worried about it at all.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  Well, I afford to follow your journey.

• 27:22Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. Would, uh, do you, uh, politeness would be like, so what about your eating disorder?

• 27:28Speaker 00

  Right.

• 27:28Stavros Halkias?

  But I don't know if you want to do that.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  I mean, I'm, I'm pretty open about it. Yeah. It's been a struggle, I guess, since I was like in college. I was 20, I dropped out of school when I was 20 and moved here and that was where.

• 27:39Stavros Halkias?

  Where'd you go?

• 27:39Speaker 00

  All the troubles began. I went to Boston College.

• 27:41Stavros Halkias?

  Boston College, gotcha.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  And then, yeah, I just, I was really depressed at school. I didn't like it. I, I didn't, it felt like, you know, public school and my world just like blew open and then going to a very small school in Boston, Jesuit.

• 27:54Stavros Halkias?

  You were like, wait, does the patriarchy not have our best interests at heart?

• 27:57Speaker 00

  And unfortunately, literally not.

• 28:01Speaker 00

  I was like, wait, men and women aren't equal.

• 28:04Stavros Halkias?

  Should I stop getting blonde highlights?

• 28:06Speaker 00

  What the fuck is going on? So it was, it was, it was tough. It was really tough. So then it starts there, you know, and then it's like, it's sort of a lifelong thing.

• 28:17Stavros Halkias?

  It's the same. I mean, I fully, I, I, but there was like a moment that clicked for me because I was like, why do I relate with, to so many girls with eating disorders? And then, and then it was just like, oh, and then I dated like a, a slew of girls that it just like, it was just the yin yang thing where it's like, and there was like, there was also like, I could sense a, almost like a joy to just see somebody enjoy eating food.

• 28:43Speaker 00

  Right.

• 28:43Stavros Halkias?

  Where they were like, kind of like, it wasn't quite a feeder situation, but there was like a delight in being with a, like somebody who. Like, cause it's certain eating disorders, like, whoa, a fat person who doesn't wanna kill themselves?

• 28:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:57Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I, I assume it's like the greatest wor- that's your, that's your boogeyman, right? And I've had like, you know, whatever, even fa- and then on the other flip side, like fat guys being like, how do you? Why do you like, love yourself? And how do I do that?

• 29:10Speaker 00

  No, it's very powerful.

• 29:11Stavros Halkias?

  But it is the same thing. I mean, like, it's depr- it's always for me triggered by depression.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:14Stavros Halkias?

  Breakups are always brutal, being too busy. I mean, the whole reason, like, the reason I, I got on the GLP-1s was when I went on tour, cause I was like, I know what happens when I, when I get too busy.

• 29:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:26Stavros Halkias?

  And, and I was also trying to be sober. That went out the window as soon as I got back on tour. But it was like, if I'm also fu- getting fucked up, there's no way I don't get fat as shit with this schedule.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:37Stavros Halkias?

  But, you know, there's no, it's just, it is just like a, there's a struggle that you will, and then you just realize, oh, I guess this will always be something I fucking deal with.

• 29:45Speaker 00

  It's always in the back of your mind. And I, I honestly think recently on, just, I know body positivity, like, people laugh at it and stuff. But like, I actually have found that there's something like healing inside of me from childhood, cause ki- childhood of the 90s, heroin chic, everyone had flat stomachs, like, watching America's Next Top Model. I-

• 30:04Stavros Halkias?

  What an evil show, by the way.

• 30:05Speaker 00

  I know, but it was-

• 30:06Stavros Halkias?

  Which I also watched.

• 30:07Speaker 00

  But it's good TV.

• 30:08Stavros Halkias?

  It is good TV, but it was pure evil.

• 30:10Speaker 00

  It was pure evil.

• 30:11Stavros Halkias?

  In hindsight.

• 30:11Speaker 00

  And that's wiring my brain, by the way, cause I'm a child.

• 30:14Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  And I just think, I've, I hosted a pool party at a bathhouse for, like, baronies to come who listen to our podcast. And everyone was in bathing suits and everyone just looked so beautiful to me. And I was just like, there was something really comfortable about a bunch of girls and gay guys all being around each other and just like, having fun and not caring.

• 30:32Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  And then I was at the beach this weekend, um, and I, I don't know, there, there is something that's shifting, I feel like, even though as it, and I, I honestly think it's this every, like, the Ozempic, the other side of it, which is so frightening looking to me.

• 30:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 00

  Is actually helping me

• 30:48Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 30:48Speaker 00

  maintain, cause I've been working with a nutritionist for like, a year now. And it got really bad last summer when my dad was extremely sick, then died, and I went through a breakup. It was just like, a lot of stuff coming at me. And so the, it was all about control and I wanted to, that was the one thing I could control.

• 31:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:03Speaker 00

  And for, I find when I'm busy, it's way easier for me to not eat, cause I just don't order food, or I like, I can just like, get through the day with eating very little.

• 31:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:11Speaker 00

  It's so interesting. It's like, the total reverse.

• 31:13Stavros Halkias?

  Fascinating, because I, I do the like of like, well, if I have no food, I'm gonna do a bad job at this show. You're like, it really, and I'm not, and now where I'm like, I can go, I mean, that is the, I will say the one, like, that feeling, it's like, you know, when you're too busy and you don't, you know, you don't have time to eat, had never experienced that once in my life.

• 31:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:31Stavros Halkias?

  Until I had, uh, until I got on like, a GLP-1.

• 31:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:35Stavros Halkias?

  And it was like, oh, this is what people meant.

• 31:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:37Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it can happen. Whereas at the time, it was like, it was, I was always thinking about, like, there was like a tick, kinda the same way, honestly, this is fucked up that I'm even making this connection, but when you're doing stand-up or even on a podcast or whatever, there's a constant ticker in the back of your head that's like, haven't gotten a laugh yet.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 31:55Stavros Halkias?

  I literally am like, what are we eating?

• 31:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, no joke. I'll be like, well, what's next? And I will, I mean, when it got really bad, it was like, alright, I'm gonna eat this now, I'll probably be hungry. If I, if I focus, I'll be hungry in two and a half hours.

• 32:08Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 32:08Stavros Halkias?

  And I can have another meal. You know what I mean? It was just like, so that's so fascinating to hear the truly-

• 32:13Speaker 00

  The complete opposite.

• 32:14Stavros Halkias?

  The truly opposite.

• 32:15Speaker 00

  Because I think, the GLP-1 thing, it sounds like people just are, uh, chemically achieving what I can do on my own.

• 32:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 32:23Speaker 00

  Which is to say, I'm, I don't need food right now.

• 32:25Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 32:26Speaker 00

  Even though I'm hungry. And you create a rewards, reward system in your mind of, I, if I don't eat, I have won.

• 32:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  But then you also know in your logical brain that that's not true. And it's like, I feel, I feel blessed that my mental illnesses in a capitalistic society are kind of goaded.

• 32:42Stavros Halkias?

  You got the good ones.

• 32:42Speaker 00

  I got the good ones, but I'm glad we're shifting it.

• 32:48Speaker 00

  All mental illnesses will be celebrated soon.

• 32:50Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 32:50Speaker 00

  We have body positivity.

• 32:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  I feel like being, having anxiety is like, trendy now.

• 32:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, a little too much.

• 32:58Speaker 00

  I know, it's a little much sometimes. ADHD.

• 33:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 33:01Speaker 00

  Which I don't know if that counts as a mental illness.

• 33:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's way-

• 33:03Speaker 00

  To, to someone that's not, it does.

• 33:05Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 33:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:07Stavros Halkias?

  Not at all.

• 33:08Speaker 00

  No, I'm type A, don't procrastinate. I get, I, I can focus like, to a scary degree.

• 33:13Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow, okay.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  But I think that I then have it, there is an obsessiveness that comes into that, where it can be a little bit distracting. It's like, you're focusing so hard that it's distracting.

• 33:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  Which I, it's, yeah.

• 33:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I kinda know. Were, were you, were you the baby of the family?

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm the youngest of six.

• 33:28Stavros Halkias?

  Of six, so that's int- huh.

• 33:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:31Stavros Halkias?

  I would feel like baby of six is like, you would have to never do anything. You'd be coddled, you'd have to be-

• 33:37Speaker 00

  Well, I, but, I don't know, that, my parents knew the other kids longer.

• 33:40Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 33:43Stavros Halkias?

  Who's this new asshole?

• 33:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm like, I, alright, I'm here.

• 33:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:47Speaker 00

  Hi, I'm here. But no, being, being like, a good, like, student and being funny and being, um, like, you know, we were rewarded for the very traditional things in my family. And so, I think that created me, which, and I am mentally perfect. And I love what I do. Yeah, it's awesome. You have siblings?

• 34:06Stavros Halkias?

  I have two si- two brothers.

• 34:08Speaker 00

  Three boys?

• 34:09Stavros Halkias?

  Three boys, tough one for my mom. And my mom, I really feel for her because she just was not wired. Like, we really got the ball busting gene. We re- like, my dad's family is really funny. And my mom's sister, my aunt, who passed away when I was a kid, I loved her. I'm in so- like, she was really funny. And so my mom just was surrounded by people who fu- and my, my, her aunt, my aunt would like, fuck with her. She was like her, she was like her, you know, big sister that was like, kind of like, so serious. And, and it was really sad that, you know, she, she passed away like, really, really young. But my mom was just like, faced with these like, terrors.

• 34:47Speaker 00

  Well, it's a circus in her house.

• 34:49Stavros Halkias?

  It really was. And it was, and, and it was, not only are we like, boys, we're rambunctious enough, but we're just fucking with her. We're like, making, she doesn't get that we're making fun of her, she doesn't understand.

• 34:58Speaker 00

  And that didn't stop you. Didn't deter you at all.

• 35:00Stavros Halkias?

  We were like, pfft, pfft, pfft.

• 35:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:02Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? We'd be like, you know?

• 35:03Speaker 00

  I hope she's okay.

• 35:04Stavros Halkias?

  She's doing great. She's actually started developing, like, around her 50s.

• 35:10Speaker 00

  Sense of humor.

• 35:11Stavros Halkias?

  She was being sarcastic.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Woo.

• 35:12Stavros Halkias?

  And now, like, in her 60s, she's kind of, full jokes are starting to form, which is actually really cute. And it makes me feel so connected to my mom, where it's like, oh, we really did change. My mom's like, brain chemistry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 00

  That's really powerful.

• 35:26Stavros Halkias?

  Having to put up with us and like, and she used to be proud, but kind of embarrassed when I did stand-up. And, and now she came to the special, uh, Uncle Stav, uh, check, check us out, September 8th, coming up very soon, folks.

• 35:39Speaker 00

  On Netflix?

• 35:39Stavros Halkias?

  On Netflix. Netflix, yep. Couple, couple Netflix specials within a, you know, month or so of each other.

• 35:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:46Stavros Halkias?

  Um, she came and it's like, and I, in the past, I'd be like, hey, mom, like,

• 35:52Stavros Halkias?

  you know, in the past, I'm like, I'm cutting stuff out when you come.

• 35:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 35:55Stavros Halkias?

  You're gonna get the whole thing.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  The whole thing.

• 35:56Stavros Halkias?

  And she was so cool about it. She was, so, it's, it's a, you know, it is very cute, but, um, but yeah, my bro- I have my, you know, my brother's had a kid, and so I'm in the uncle zone. You're an aunt as well.

• 36:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, many-

• 36:08Stavros Halkias?

  How many? Oh, yeah?

• 36:09Speaker 00

  I have four nieces, a nephew, and a nephew on the way.

• 36:12Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa. I'm jealous, that's all. So that's, so you're no kids, and is that, is that most of the, cause I'm, I got one nephew and like, my best friends have a couple kids. I'm like, maybe this is enough.

• 36:23Speaker 00

  I think so.

• 36:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 36:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, I really think so. For me right now. I mean, it's easy to say, cause I'm not seeing anyone.

• 36:29Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 36:29Speaker 00

  I feel like, I don't wanna put that pressure on myself, that like, I need to have a kid to feel like my life is complete or something. But I love observing people parent and then not doing it. It's like, awesome.

• 36:39Stavros Halkias?

  I know, it's like, ruined my, some of my friends a lot. I mean-

• 36:42Speaker 00

  Say who?

• 36:42Stavros Halkias?

  They, no, no, we, you don't know. But it's like, I've seen, I've seen that like, takes such a toll. And obviously, they're totally happy, but they're just like, this is hell. It's like, going through war and being like, I have to get through the baby years and then I can be a human being again.

• 36:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:58Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, I, uh, I do think there is something powerful in being like, I actually feel really connected to gay guys, cause I feel like, in history, the gay uncle was like, the classic presence that-

• 37:10Speaker 00

  And I have one, and I love him so much.

• 37:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sounded awesome. You mentioned him in your special.

• 37:14Speaker 00

  He's amazing, yeah. He's just totally iconic, Uncle Greg.

• 37:17Stavros Halkias?

  Uncle Greg?

• 37:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 37:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's, he's, he is really like, he's the, he's the main character. I know people say main character energy, but he really is.

• 37:26Stavros Halkias?

  What's Greg up to? What's his like, what's his career?

• 37:29Speaker 00

  He lives on the Upper West Side.

• 37:30Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  He's been a tour guide for many, many years, cause he speaks seven languages.

• 37:34Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, seven languages?

• 37:36Speaker 00

  Tours in many different countries. I think he's basically retired now, but he has amazing art in his apartment.

• 37:41Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, yes.

• 37:42Speaker 00

  And he just, uh, waltz into a room, say the most insane shit you've ever heard, and walk right the hell out. And it's beautiful, it's-

• 37:49Stavros Halkias?

  And it's, he's on your mom's side?

• 37:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:52Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, interesting. And then, where did he, where did they grow up?

• 37:54Speaker 00

  In New York.

• 37:55Stavros Halkias?

  In New York? Oh, okay, so he's fuck around.

• 37:57Speaker 00

  They're like, New York City kids.

• 37:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, sick.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  Um, and she was one of seven, so.

• 38:01Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 38:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was, it was, it was chaot- chaotic.

• 38:04Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 38:04Speaker 00

  A little chaotic. Um, but he's, he was always, like, he was always gay.

• 38:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:08Speaker 00

  I know, from my mom's retelling of it, like, he never really came out. He just was gay.

• 38:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. He was one of those guys where it's like, I mean, duh. I mean, you see that sometimes.

• 38:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:16Stavros Halkias?

  You see a little kid and you're like, this kid's gay. It's fine.

• 38:20Speaker 00

  And it's, and I, I don't know, back then, maybe it was just so, I don't even know if it was that rare, but he just was like, that's just, that's just what I am.

• 38:27Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Um, and so, yeah, he's a very cherished member of the family. But you feel like you're gonna play that role. You're gonna have to buy him stuff. Buy him the most random birthday presents. Like, my Uncle Greg would either give you like, a periodic table of the elements placemat, or he'll hand you a wad of cash, two hundred dollars.

• 38:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:44Speaker 00

  And, and that's the beauty of it. You just never know what you're gonna get.

• 38:46Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's a classic, like, uncle with no kid thing. It's like, not understanding that, to a seven-year-old, you just handed them a, a briefcase full of a million dollars. If you give a seven-year-old two hundred dollars, that's like, that's unlimited money for a kid.

• 39:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:01Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, I'm excited to completely, you know, go again. And also- I just feel like everybody coddles him already. You know what I mean? I gotta be the one to be like chill.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  You gotta, you gotta bust their balls. I mean, where I really come into my own as an aunt is now with concert tickets. Because they didn't really have a use for me for a while. I mean, my nephew and I, we fight. But it's like, but when it comes to the concert tickets, like that's where I can totally sign. Yeah.

• 39:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's the thing, cause I remember even like, you know, a lot of my family, like I said, my aunt passed away. My favorite aunt passed away when I was a little kid. And then my dad's side of the family was in Greece, but we had family friends that would like, like some of my favorite days of my childhood. And I feel so bad, cause like my mom was just in there day in, day out. But I remember like clear as day, one time where like my aunt Olga took me to McDonald's, took me to the mall, took her to McDonald's and bought me a yo-yo. And I was just like, this is the fucking best day in my life. That is like, and my mom who like killed herself, working three jobs at a certain point. I was like, yeah, I mean, we had some good times. I don't fucking, I don't remember.

• 40:05Speaker 00

  I can't remember one specifically.

• 40:06Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, one time, I will say she was bringing me home, again, in classical fat, little fat boy eating. This is, then this might be some eating disorder stuff. I would wait, cause my mom was a waitress at a Greek restaurant and I would wait. And sometimes she would bring home calamari. And truly those were like, honestly, my favorite memories. Cause there was, it was also like kind of naughty, like I'm, I'm up late, but it doesn't matter.

• 40:29Speaker 00

  Oh, she was coming home from a dinner shift.

• 40:31Stavros Halkias?

  From work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Late night. Like it would be like, and that was the first time I would watch SNL, actually. And I have talked about in the past how I'm like, some of my favorite memories were watching comedy and having a, eating fried food with the woman I love. And then I started doing comedy, eating fried foods and trying to fuck a different woman every night.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  Every night.

• 40:51Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, hmm, was I fucked? Like, did I even have a shot? Oh baby, the fall, October, a chill in the air. The leaves are turning, your body's all messed up. It's dark outside, fast. You're getting off, you gotta switch from summer to the fall? That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else. AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, including vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics. And you're not gonna believe this, superfoods.

• 41:32Stavros Halkias?

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• 42:16Stavros Halkias?

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• 42:24Speaker 04

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• 42:54Speaker 00

  I wanna get, I wanna get into that, but first I would love to ask, what was your relationship with My Big Fat Greek Wedding? And I'm sorry if you've covered this.

• 43:01Stavros Halkias?

  Please, no, I'm happy to talk about it.

• 43:03Speaker 00

  Like for me, I mean, I love that movie. It's a perfect film. But I'm thinking as a Greek person, that must've just been like your Super Bowl.

• 43:10Stavros Halkias?

  Idea.

• 43:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:11Stavros Halkias?

  You really have no concept.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  I'm taking my shoes off.

• 43:14Stavros Halkias?

  Please.

• 43:14Speaker 00

  Now that I finally asked the big fat Greek wedding question.

• 43:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 43:17Speaker 00

  I can take my shoes off.

• 43:18Stavros Halkias?

  Now that the, now that the bomb, the true bomb has dropped. It was like, it was like, our church organized buses to go, cause it only, it started as a very indie movie. And it is to this day, the number one, the, the most profitable romantic comedy in history.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  Wow, Nia Vardalos.

• 43:36Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to Nia, shout out to Nia. Let's do My Big Fat Greek Wedding 4, Nia. I'm in.

• 43:41Speaker 00

  My Big Fat Greek Wedding 4.

• 43:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:43Speaker 00

  I love it.

• 43:44Stavros Halkias?

  Let me, look, I wanna do that, like, there's two properties that I think I, no one on earth could do better. And there is My Big Fat Greek Wedding and there's Heavy Weights. And those, I think I could.

• 43:57Speaker 00

  I bring up heavyweights as much as possible.

• 43:59Stavros Halkias?

  I would crush, like I have a concept, I'm not gonna say it.

• 44:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:02Stavros Halkias?

  I have an idea, um, that actually I just developed as a fat camp movie and I was like, wait, this is basic. I just, without realizing it, wrote a sequel to Heavy Weights.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:12Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, it was like our, cause and it went to like the, cause it only was playing in like the artsy theater, cause it was like an indie movie. And it was literally like Greek people from the burbs that were like, would never step foot in the city, city. They were like, we were, we were like dressed nice to go see My Big Fat Greek Wedding at the Charles Theater. Shout out to the Charles, still one of my favorite theaters. And it was like, and now I will say, we loved it. It was a cultural phenomenon, but we, you know, there were some, I didn't like how many Italians were in the movie.

• 44:43Speaker 00

  Playing Greek.

• 44:44Stavros Halkias?

  Playing Greek. Joey Fatone, the fuck out of here, bro. You're a famous, and here's the thing, sneak a, a not famous Italian that I don't know for sure. Cause look, who are we kidding? You could fucking, an Italian could pass as a Greek.

• 44:58Speaker 00

  Greek passer.

• 44:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we could, yes, yes, Greek passer.

• 45:01Speaker 00

  Unclockable.

• 45:01Stavros Halkias?

  If he's from.

• 45:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. No clocky Italians, no, no northern Italian, no blonde clocky northern Italians. Give me some fucking, some cunty Italians. But like, don't send me a fucking, I, I'm, I grew up in the NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, you know, the, the boy band generation. I know who the fuck Joey Fatone is. Don't tell me his name is fucking, you know, Nicky or whatever, you know, whatever. I don't remember what his name was in the thing.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  Statistically speaking.

• 45:32Stavros Halkias?

  It was one of those like, and, and look, they did nail the like cousin joke where it's like every cousin is named. I grew up with three Bills that were all cousins. And it was like Fat Bill, Little Bill and Bill P. You know, like that's, that's how it broke down. Bill P, the other ones had the same last name too.

• 45:48Speaker 00

  Oh geez.

• 45:48Stavros Halkias?

  So they were, so they were cousins on their dad's side. So they both had the, they were both Bill D's anyway. But you know, we had a little, I will say controversial, the Windex element.

• 45:59Speaker 00

  I was gonna ask.

• 46:00Stavros Halkias?

  That is a thorn in our side. That is what stops from being.

• 46:04Speaker 00

  People still bring it up to you.

• 46:05Stavros Halkias?

  It's still like four, five years afterwards, it was like a thing. And it's like, that is a complete, uh, thing her father did. Like that is a complete.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  It's not Greek.

• 46:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's not Greek. It's an eccentricity of Nia Vardalos's father, perhaps. Now, he, he was correct in like the, the relating everything to, like saying everything comes back to Greece. One of the truest, one of the truest things of all time. So look, but I can overlook, I can overlook the Windex thing. It's not her fault, people didn't understand the text.

• 46:34Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 46:34Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it's not her fault that they generalized Windex as a Greek thing and not as a like, a little color.

• 46:39Speaker 00

  They took it too literally and that, with that specific thing.

• 46:41Stavros Halkias?

  They really did. But yes, well, thank you for asking, Mary Beth. I've never, I, I think, I think I've danced around My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but I don't think there was ever.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  You haven't addressed it head on.

• 46:51Stavros Halkias?

  I never, I never addressed it head on. Was there a piece of media for you? Like I know there's no, you know, there's nothing as on the nose as My Big Fat Greek Wedding. But was there something like seismic that hit you? And it doesn't have to be culturally, it can also just be like something that like, you know, when it, cause also, you know, Catholic, uh, Republican were prob, and bisexual now out, out and proud, but that must've been the most, cause being bi must also, must feel weirder than being gay and closeted. Cause you do, you're like, well, half of me is right.

• 47:25Speaker 00

  Right.

• 47:25Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 47:26Speaker 00

  I'm confused.

• 47:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, every once in a while I have a horrible thought that will send me to hell.

• 47:30Speaker 00

  Right.

• 47:31Stavros Halkias?

  Like was there some game, like was there a hot, you know, like, is there anything that you can remember that was like, you know, had as much of an impact on you?

• 47:39Speaker 00

  I, I mean, nothing, nothing that was that like, you know, made for me specifically, I feel like, but I just love culture.

• 47:45Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 47:46Speaker 00

  I loved like girl movies, Mean Girls, uh, Josie and the Pussycat, Spice World. I would say Transformers was a girl's movie in some ways if you're bi, cause Megan Fox.

• 47:56Stavros Halkias?

  Megan Fox.

• 47:56Speaker 00

  You got the Megan Fox Shia Pre, everything.

• 48:00Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 48:00Speaker 00

  So that felt like it was really playing to both sides of me.

• 48:02Stavros Halkias?

  When he was still and even, you still knew him from even Stevens.

• 48:05Speaker 00

  He was still in even Stevens, just more of like a clownish.

• 48:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Uh, but did you, have you seen those movies?

• 48:10Stavros Halkias?

  I saw all of those in theaters. In fact, what, Eldis, what did we do for my, I believe it was 11th birthday?

• 48:18Speaker 03

  Spice World?

• 48:19Stavros Halkias?

  Spice World in theaters.

• 48:21Speaker 00

  Can I tell you something?

• 48:21Stavros Halkias?

  Me, Eldis, the elusive and mysterious Big P, a couple of our friends as little boys, no chicks. It was us.

• 48:29Speaker 00

  What was the impetus for that?

• 48:31Stavros Halkias?

  I loved Spice Girls. I was like, I love the music. I wanna fuck them. Why wouldn't I? Like as a, as a little boy, I was like, yeah, I wanna, these, I wanna fuck.

• 48:39Speaker 00

  See five chicks.

• 48:40Stavros Halkias?

  I was a big, I was a big, uh, it was Ginger and, and Scary were my two, were my two top, I was more of a Ginger guy. Red hair had played a big part. I had a sixth grade teacher with red hair.

• 48:52Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 48:52Stavros Halkias?

  You know, Jessica Rabbit, I've talked about ad nauseam on this podcast. So she was big and then, yeah, Scary Spice, those were my two. The other ones. I didn't like their gimmick. The blonde baby shit. I was, I was out on blondes from an early age, it turns out. Sporty spice to me, it was like, I don't know, I respect you, it seems like we'll be friends, you know?

• 49:13Speaker 00

  You could shoot the shit.

• 49:14Stavros Halkias?

  We could shoot the shit.

• 49:15Speaker 00

  You don't wanna.

• 49:15Stavros Halkias?

  And then who am I forget, oh.

• 49:17Speaker 00

  Posh.

• 49:17Stavros Halkias?

  Posh was too on the, she seemed like a bitch. I was like, I don't need somebody being mean to me.

• 49:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:22Stavros Halkias?

  Ginger and scary seemed fun.

• 49:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:26Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 49:26Speaker 00

  They were down to have a good time.

• 49:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 49:28Speaker 00

  Posh was the one I identified with the most.

• 49:30Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, I mean, that's one of the least surprising things I've ever heard.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  But that, and then, you know, you get into Gossip Girl, the OC, it's just like, there was so much for me to consume at the time and they all had complex female characters, so I didn't even know there was like this big gap in that stuff. And I, in school, they also teach you like, well, women got the right to vote and then everything was kind of fixed.

• 49:50Stavros Halkias?

  Good.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  So I didn't know, I didn't know the intricacies, but yeah, I, I was just consuming, I was devouring culture like that and I, I was the only one of us that had a TV in my room.

• 49:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 49:59Speaker 00

  Because I had, I couldn't sleep as a kid, so I would put movies on and I just, I loved, I just love movies. And Mary Kate and Ashley, of course, you know, that was huge for me too, but I feel like there was a lot of stuff for me as just like a suburban child.

• 50:11Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 50:11Speaker 00

  And I really, I just loved every minute of it, I gotta tell you.

• 50:15Stavros Halkias?

  As a suburban, were you doing activities? Were you like a, after school?

• 50:19Speaker 00

  We were swim team people, water polo, I played from a young age.

• 50:23Stavros Halkias?

  Connecticut?

• 50:23Speaker 00

  But, yeah.

• 50:24Stavros Halkias?

  Water polo?

• 50:25Speaker 00

  I, I've, I only recently spoke about this, but we weren't able, we weren't allowed to watch TV on the weekdays in my house. Except if it was sports, which I felt like was very unfair.

• 50:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:34Speaker 00

  So I petitioned my parents that if, if the boys can watch sports, I should be able to watch Lizzie McGuire, that's a sport to me.

• 50:39Stavros Halkias?

  That's fair.

• 50:40Speaker 00

  Uh, and I, I did not win that fight.

• 50:42Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 50:43Speaker 00

  So the weekends for me were, it was time to, to lock in, consume. And so my friends that could watch TV during the week were so confused of why I wanted to be on the couch. And of course, we, you know, I did activities too, but I, I did gymnastics as a kid, I was so bad at it, like, shockingly terrible.

• 50:57Stavros Halkias?

  No athletic ability, even the swimming?

• 51:00Speaker 00

  I just wasn't great and I, I was striving for greatness.

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure. So you're like, if I'm not great at it, what's even the fucking point?

• 51:07Speaker 00

  I'm not putting effort in. I'm spending half of swim practice like in the bathroom, taking a hot shower.

• 51:11Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 51:12Speaker 00

  I was, I had a pleasure to coach.

• 51:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  But, yeah, that was, it was really about like pop, I like, I just love pop culture, I love clothes.

• 51:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:19Speaker 00

  I was very into like clothes and what the celebrities were wearing and stuff like that, so that was more, that was more my wavelength.

• 51:25Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see. You were so, you were so locked into like, true, just like mainstream celebrity culture.

• 51:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:31Stavros Halkias?

  Which did feel like, I did feel like we are the last generation where that was something you could follow, like in mainstream. Like now it's, it's sort of like niche, it became, very quickly after that, it was like blogs. It was like Perez Hilton and shit like that. And then it further, I feel like, atomized after that, where it's like even more, like now it's Instagram accounts.

• 51:51Speaker 00

  So many people I click on and I'll see they have 15 million followers and I've never heard of them.

• 51:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:56Speaker 00

  Like I, we have strayed so far from God's light.

• 51:58Stavros Halkias?

  It's crazy.

• 51:59Speaker 00

  It's crazy.

• 52:00Stavros Halkias?

  It really feels like eight simultaneous countries right now. It's just like, and, and, and they're, you know, I don't even know what to do about that, but just.

• 52:08Speaker 00

  You could fix it.

• 52:09Stavros Halkias?

  You think I could?

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Maybe.

• 52:10Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think so. I think, I think I'm just gonna, you know, have a good time in my part of it.

• 52:15Speaker 00

  Have you done Joe Rogan's podcast?

• 52:17Stavros Halkias?

  I have.

• 52:18Speaker 00

  Did you, what was the, what was the experience like?

• 52:20Stavros Halkias?

  Actually, hilariously, the joke you do about squirting, no, no, no, no, no. The joke you do about squirting and the study, we pulled, cause I'm a staunch, it's not pee guy.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 52:29Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a staunch, it is, and, and I will give you my argument, but literally half the podcast we did was going over the, like whether squirting is piss or not, and like my, I went into it being like, let's have fun.

• 52:41Speaker 00

  Well, let's talk about squirting.

• 52:42Stavros Halkias?

  Let's. So, okay, I did, I literally watched that, like the videos where they have the, where the, and it literally was like, they hired ladies and a guy like with gloves, fingers them.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 52:51Stavros Halkias?

  It was fucking crazy. And they put like a dye in their piss, right? So it's like, if it comes out blue, now look, here's, here's my theory when it comes to squirting. It's not that piss isn't involved, but it's like saying Kool-Aid is water. You know, cause yes, the base is piss.

• 53:10Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 53:10Stavros Halkias?

  But the way there's a little packet of flavoring, and like you said, they still don't know what it is.

• 53:16Speaker 00

  They don't know.

• 53:16Stavros Halkias?

  Something's in there that changes it. So it's like, so that's my point. Kool-Aid is to squirt as piss is to water. That's essentially what I think.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  I think that makes sense to me.

• 53:25Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 53:26Speaker 00

  And what, you know, I couldn't get into every detail of the study in this special, however.

• 53:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, here's your opportunity.

• 53:31Speaker 00

  I would like to say that one of the people that squirted did not have any urine in the squirt.

• 53:35Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 53:36Speaker 00

  So it's very inconclusive, but it is written about as a medical paper, which I think is like, who are the guys that are sort of tackling this, but I'm happy.

• 53:45Stavros Halkias?

  Now, I will.

• 53:46Speaker 00

  I'm thankful.

• 53:47Stavros Halkias?

  As a, as an amateur scientist on the topic.

• 53:49Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 53:49Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to know what that woman squirt tasted like, cause I do think there are different flavors.

• 53:56Speaker 00

  Should we find her?

• 53:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, can we find her?

• 53:58Speaker 00

  Find her, we get eyes on her.

• 54:00Stavros Halkias?

  Did they say that, did they have any other markers or was it just the blue? Cause I would love to know scent.

• 54:06Speaker 00

  I know, and yeah, taste profile.

• 54:08Stavros Halkias?

  Taste profile?

• 54:09Speaker 00

  I don't think they were drinking it.

• 54:11Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get, let's get a fucking sommelier in there to swirl the squirt.

• 54:17Stavros Halkias?

  So anyway, that's my, I've thought about it, you know, I've thought about this a great deal.

• 54:21Speaker 00

  I'm just glad we're thinking about it and I'm even more glad we're talking about it.

• 54:23Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 54:24Speaker 00

  Cause that is what I want the special to spark. I want it to make people laugh, but I want to spark conversation. I'm being serious.

• 54:30Stavros Halkias?

  About squirting in particular?

• 54:32Speaker 00

  Well, some people are so adamant that it's pee and then some people are so adamant that it's not. And it's honestly, at this point, one of life's great mysteries that we may never solve.

• 54:40Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think, I think, I think it is semantic argument and the people are like, it's piss, just can't admit that, I'm never, I'm saying, I'm not saying piss isn't involved, I'm being reasonable here.

• 54:51Speaker 00

  Right.

• 54:51Stavros Halkias?

  But you can't tell me it's the same thing as piss.

• 54:54Speaker 00

  Well, it's not coming out of the same.

• 54:55Stavros Halkias?

  It's not coming, it doesn't, yeah, that I'll leave to you. I don't actually know the whole, you know, I don't, I guess I never tracked where the squirt is coming from.

• 55:02Speaker 00

  Well, maybe that's step one.

• 55:04Stavros Halkias?

  That is step one. It's more of a like, you know, I guess I don't have like a fucking magnifying, when I see squirt, I'm not, you know, looking with the magnifying.

• 55:11Speaker 00

  Wait, wait, wait, stop.

• 55:12Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, chill, chill, chill, chill.

• 55:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, interesting. And is that true though? That's not, is that real that you actually watched squirting porn or was that a transition?

• 55:23Speaker 00

  Really? Yeah, I love it.

• 55:24Stavros Halkias?

  But that's like your main, your go-to, would you say? Huh?

• 55:27Speaker 00

  It's, I don't really watch anything else besides that.

• 55:30Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha. And is, and you're beating off to like, and it's just like them squirting solo or is it like, they're getting, it's like a, they're squirting during sex or just all of the above?

• 55:41Speaker 00

  It's more like girls together squirting, I would say.

• 55:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's pretty cool.

• 55:44Speaker 00

  Making a huge mess.

• 55:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's, the greatest, that's a great time for a guitar riff.

• 55:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's cool.

• 55:54Stavros Halkias?

  That sounds pretty cool, actually. I'm, I'm gonna check out that genre.

• 55:57Speaker 00

  I can send you some links, I'm not kidding. They're really, they're like, it's like they're having a good time.

• 56:01Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 56:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, and it's like in an Airbnb with all like, like pleather furniture.

• 56:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man.

• 56:07Speaker 00

  And so it's like cleanup probably pretty easy.

• 56:09Stavros Halkias?

  Right, I mean, listen, you gotta get rubber sheets at a certain point and like, you know, that is a pro, I will say, it is, the cleanup sometimes.

• 56:17Speaker 00

  Well, for the everyman.

• 56:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 00

  For an everyday situation, that's like a lot.

• 56:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's one of those things where, where it's like, you know, at first you're like, whoa, this is fucking awesome. And then like, you know, it happens a couple of times, like, it's on my shoes.

• 56:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:30Stavros Halkias?

  You know, I'm running late for work, I gotta change my socks now, you know, that kind of thing, so.

• 56:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 56:35Stavros Halkias?

  But you know, shout, shout out to the squirters out there. It's been a while since they've been folk, mentioned in the, uh, there was a time when I was doing all the crowd work clips that I left it up to Eldis and he posted a squirting clip, literally every fuck. And, and then people started acting like I was the fucking asshole that doesn't talk about.

• 56:51Speaker 00

  Different jokes or the one squirting joke?

• 56:53Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it was just like, I would ask people if, if there was like a squirter and, you know, you get different, you go down different paths during that, right? But Eldis, and that, that really taught me like, I cannot trust Eldis to use his judgment. He needs very clear instructions. And then for real, like still to this day, people will be like, would they wanna make fun of me as a shitty comic? They'll be like, yeah, oh, oh, I'm gonna go pay this much to see you ask if people squirt. It's like, I haven't done, that hasn't been a part of my act in fucking four years.

• 57:21Speaker 00

  But also that's fascinating.

• 57:22Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on, hold on, let him defend himself.

• 57:23Speaker 00

  Fascinating, you should pay to see that.

• 57:24Speaker 03

  Let enough time pass, that's gonna be an hour starter for you in a few years, the squirting joke you never got to.

• 57:29Stavros Halkias?

  It's over, Eldis, and you killed it. You killed the, you killed the potential of that joke in the crib with your overzealous squirt posting.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  I'm sorry.

• 57:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's okay.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  I was processing the crowd work clips too slowly.

• 57:41Stavros Halkias?

  Don't apologize to me, apologize to Mary Beth and the squirting community at large.

• 57:45Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, Mary Beth.

• 57:46Speaker 00

  As a representative, even though I, I'm not a squirter.

• 57:48Stavros Halkias?

  Right, but a fan.

• 57:49Speaker 00

  A fan. I'm a fan and I'm loyal and I'm always gonna show up for these girls.

• 57:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's so beautiful, that's so beautiful.

• 57:55Speaker 00

  That's wonderful.

• 57:56Stavros Halkias?

  Well, look, uh, I think it's, we've never had a non-squirter fan on the pod and I think that's gonna be a really big, uh, that gives you competitive advantage in helping, uh, you know, give that kind of wisdom to, to our callers, so. Why don't we, right now, Eldis, why don't we hit the visible hotline and we should remind people, please watch Galaxy Brain on Netflix, uh, watch Stav, Uncle Stav in a couple of weeks and watch Tires as well, it's fucking out. It's out by now. Um, play us some calls, little Eldis.

• 58:28Speaker 05

  Hi, Stavi. I've been married to my husband for ten years and we have two kids together. Recently, I started talking to a male friend who I've known for twenty years. We worked together for several years and slept together once, but never dated. Now that we're talking again, we have so many overlaps with our past and our current interests. As we started to reconnect, he moved across the country for work.

• 58:50Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 58:51Speaker 05

  My husband is upset by the feelings for my friend and wants me to cut the friend off entirely. I feel like I have the ability to love both my husband and my friend romantically. I want my husband to get to know my friend, since he means so much to me. Is this unrealistic to expect?

• 59:05Speaker 00

  What?

• 59:06Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck? Hold on. Did I hear this correctly? Am I, oh my god, go back a little bit. This is, I'm just gonna let this play, cuz I will interrupt her every other sentence. So let's just let her finish.

• 59:20Speaker 05

  You know, I have the ability to love both my husband and my friend romantically. I want my husband to get to know my friend, since he means so much to me. Is this unrealistic to expect?

• 59:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yes!

• 59:30Speaker 05

  I have a husband and a boyfriend too. Do I have to cut off my friend or end my marriage? Thank you so much for your advice.

• 59:36Stavros Halkias?

  End your marriage?

• 59:37Speaker 00

  Oh, girl!

• 59:38Stavros Halkias?

  Are you out of your fucking mind?

• 59:39Speaker 00

  Two kids.

• 59:40Stavros Halkias?

  And this, and look, you're not, you're not talking to too uptight people on this. But that's fucking insane. Your husband?

• 59:49Speaker 00

  You need to grow up.

• 59:50Stavros Halkias?

  You need, it's truly, you need to grow up. Cuz this is like, oh, the one guy, the guy you fucked once and it never worked with. You think that's worth risking your marriage for?

• 59:59Speaker 00

  Oh, and you think it's gonna work now? Has he been promising you anything?

• 1:00:02Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. What, so they're just, she said they were reconnecting. And what you mean is, you were starting to cheat on your husband and he moved away. That's what you mean when you say reconnecting. You are so fucking in the wrong here, it's insane. I mean, your husband, you have no, you want, you're basically trying to be poly for one guy right now.

• 1:00:23Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:00:24Stavros Halkias?

  This is, I will say, women in men's fields. This is like, this is the most like, guy who thinks it's gonna work better for him than his wife, let's open up the relationship. And then obviously, you get smoked. There's no way, if you're, if you're a fucking regular guy, you're not, you're not putting up the same numbers any woman is. Um, but this is fucking insane. I mean, even your, I guess what bothers me the most is her tone.

• 1:00:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:48Stavros Halkias?

  Is her like-

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  But that's her actual voice, or that's someone reading it out?

• 1:00:52Stavros Halkias?

  She's probably reading it out, you're right.

• 1:00:53Speaker 00

  No, but like, that's the person that sent in the thing. Okay, yeah, I'm sorry. I think you're being totally unreasonable and selfish. Your head is in the clouds. This isn't a rom-com, my darling. You are-

• 1:01:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's not a rom-com, cuz they're not married to someone in rom-coms.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  And the man moved away. Can I tell you, he just showed you exactly what his intentions were? He moved across the country.

• 1:01:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:17Speaker 00

  You think he wants to be a stepdad to two kids?

• 1:01:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my, that's a great point.

• 1:01:20Speaker 00

  Please, just, you know what, you know what, turn the podcast off right the fuck now. Go tell your husband you love him and please-

• 1:01:26Stavros Halkias?

  Never talk to this guy.

• 1:01:27Speaker 00

  Just make better, like, cut him off completely. There is no future of that that is a positive outcome.

• 1:01:33Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:01:33Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:01:34Stavros Halkias?

  Or, this is, or the other thing is, you actually don't care about your husband at all. And this is kind of like a, a, a, a wake-up call that, yeah, cuz this guy's definitely not it. Let's just put that there.

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:46Stavros Halkias?

  But the desire to have a separate partner when you've never, it doesn't, I mean, maybe they used to be poly. I feel like she would tell us if there was that context.

• 1:01:55Speaker 00

  That's a good context, yeah.

• 1:01:56Stavros Halkias?

  But like, wanting to, and then you wanna, you want your husband to get to know your boyfriend? I mean, you're, like, this is fucking-

• 1:02:06Speaker 00

  You're, not only are you bad for your family, you're bad for women.

• 1:02:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:11Speaker 00

  You, this is the type of shit that people hear and they go, so yeah, women are fucked up.

• 1:02:17Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucking crazy. This, it would be honestly better if you fucked him and-

• 1:02:22Speaker 00

  Totally, and blew up your whole life.

• 1:02:23Stavros Halkias?

  Without question.

• 1:02:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Stavros Halkias?

  It would, this, they would be, it would be like, kinda less pathetic. Cuz here's my hunch also. You think, this guy's like, nice, maybe I get head from that girl I fucked once ten years ago.

• 1:02:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:33Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? And you think it's like, we have reconnected and like-

• 1:02:36Speaker 00

  Oh, well, cuz they have overlapping interests.

• 1:02:38Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:02:39Speaker 00

  Join a club.

• 1:02:40Stavros Halkias?

  You both like foo fighters.

• 1:02:41Speaker 00

  Join a book club.

• 1:02:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, lady, what the fuck? And look, is it, now look, we don't know everything. Is, is it possible this marriage is like loveless, is it like on the rocks? Has her, has your husband done anything to, you know, eh, desert, eh, not deserve, but like-

• 1:02:58Speaker 00

  Or precipitate it, like, is he neglectful?

• 1:03:01Stavros Halkias?

  Are we missing something here? If we're not missing something, and just, and Aldis, how did they reconnect? Did she say originally? In the very beginning?

• 1:03:09Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't think she specified.

• 1:03:12Stavros Halkias?

  But what, what has it start?

• 1:03:13Speaker 00

  I'm guessing social media. Can I just say, I'm gonna take a swing?

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, she said we reconnected recently.

• 1:03:20Stavros Halkias?

  After how many years? Like, ten?

• 1:03:22Speaker 03

  Uh, she's known him for twenty years. They worked together for several years and slept together once.

• 1:03:28Stavros Halkias?

  Worked together.

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  But never dated.

• 1:03:30Stavros Halkias?

  Come on. Who, let me ask you this. Who wanted, whose decision was it to only fuck once?

• 1:03:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yours or his?

• 1:03:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:38Stavros Halkias?

  Cuz if it wasn't yours, you're out of your fucking mind. He wants to fuck you one more time. Or, he wants to just see, see what it's like, and then if he doesn't like it, he's out.

• 1:03:49Speaker 00

  Or just get the benefits of having like, someone to talk to.

• 1:03:52Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:03:52Speaker 00

  And maybe have someone that he has no responsibility or accountability for, but that's gonna listen to him, offer him advice. Be, you know, the woman, be the girlfriend, in the girlfriend role. Yeah, so I think, I don't know, I think it's a raw deal and I think you're, if your husband is willing to continue to work on your relationship after this happened, cuz mistakes happen, hiccups happen, you can grow from this and have a better marriage. Just, please, just turn your back on this other guy.

• 1:04:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:18Speaker 00

  It is not worth it.

• 1:04:19Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucking insane. The fact that, your call is, hey, I did something fucked up and my husband wants me to rectify it? Should I divorce him and try and fuck a guy who lives across the country while I have two kids? That, just think about that sentence. It's fucking insane, dude. This shit has gone way too fucking far. And again, I am no Puritan.

• 1:04:40Speaker 00

  Me neither, by the way.

• 1:04:41Stavros Halkias?

  And I would, by the way, if you were to call in and say, hey, I kinda wanna fly to Seattle and suck this guy off once and then go right back to my family, I'd hear you out. But this, this, I, this is fucking crazy.

• 1:04:54Speaker 00

  Also, is he your boyfriend, or are you just saying that?

• 1:04:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking-

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  Cuz she said, I want my boyfriend and my husband.

• 1:04:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 1:05:00Speaker 00

  Let's DTR.

• 1:05:01Stavros Halkias?

  This is the kind of woman that, I've almost, I would never, I would never suggest this to anybody else. You need an AI boyfriend. This guy is essentially an AI boyfriend, that you could possibly, I mean, actually, what's gonna happen is, even if she cuts this guy off, she's literally getting an AI boyfriend.

• 1:05:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:18Stavros Halkias?

  This is the kind of, you have exhibited AI psychosis in the real world, and for that, I tip, I tip my cap to you, but let's be real here, this is fucking crazy, dude. This is fucking grand.

• 1:05:29Speaker 00

  And, and you know what? I think you knew that.

• 1:05:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:31Speaker 00

  I think you knew that. And that's why you're writing in, or calling into a podcast, cuz your friends are fucking sick of hearing about it.

• 1:05:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's, now look, she, she wrote it down, she said it in like, kind of a tone that's kind of, um, completely devoid of emotion, in a weird way.

• 1:05:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:48Stavros Halkias?

  But do, are we dealing with somebody on the spectrum here? Who doesn't understand how, like, that's my only thi, the only way I could think of somebody not understanding why this might hurt her husband's feelings, is if she's just missing a little bit of emotional relating to people, maybe. Just as matter-of-fact reporting of this, something's go, there is definitely more context here. And my hunch is, it's probably, you're just unsatisfied in your relationship, and you're kind of a romantic. You're not the kind of person who's gonna go out and fuck a random person. And you think, because you're unsatisfied, that the one, the one that got away is gonna fix everything. And you're gonna make a polycule out of it, after your husband explicitly said, stop talking to him, it makes me uncomfortable. Sorry to go in on you this hard, but I mean, this is fucking insane.

• 1:06:33Speaker 00

  You need a wake-up call.

• 1:06:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. And we're your friends here. And if you want to divorce your husband, that's fine. But what you're trying to do here is fucking crazy.

• 1:06:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, that should be a totally separate thing.

• 1:06:43Stavros Halkias?

  I'm, I'm assuming you're out on poly, or open, or totally out?

• 1:06:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:49Speaker 00

  Don't, not for me.

• 1:06:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:50Speaker 00

  And I think people that it's for should get help.

• 1:06:55Stavros Halkias?

  I never thought it would.

• 1:06:56Speaker 00

  What about you?

• 1:06:57Stavros Halkias?

  I, I mean, listen, if you, it, I, I think it probably can work for some people in the way-

• 1:07:02Speaker 00

  I think it can work for gay guys.

• 1:07:04Stavros Halkias?

  For gay guys, I mean, well, gay guys are doing something that's like, that, they're on the cutting edge of human sexuality and relating to people. Cuz, like, the ultimate form of intimacy is having a, a thirty-year roommate who you hate in the gay community.

• 1:07:23Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 1:07:23Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, it's like you and a guy that you've spent, you've gone through everything with. You bought an apartment together, you, maybe one of you came, helped the other one come out. Like, truly, somebody that has been there for you at every turn, you, you, you behave like, you behave again around each other like a Craigslist roommate, that you can't wait to move out forever. It's like you sitting on a couch next to each other and you're just both cruising grinder.

• 1:07:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:49Stavros Halkias?

  And, and it's just like this fascinating thing where it's like, what does sex even mean anymore?

• 1:07:54Speaker 00

  Well, that's the thing now, we're not sure. We're not sure, we can't really figure it out.

• 1:07:57Stavros Halkias?

  Like, gay, like, gay guys is basically, gay guys have treated, uh, sex like, uh, the Argentinian peso. You know what I mean? Like, inflation is so out of control, that the dollar means nothing.

• 1:08:08Speaker 00

  And it's totally worthless, yeah.

• 1:08:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, getting, having sex means nothing. Be, being locked in a mortgage with a man you despise, that you hooked up with for the first time in nineteen ninety-seven, that's real love. And that's, gay guys are scientists.

• 1:08:20Speaker 00

  But is that hetero, that's more of like a heterosexual dynamic, you know what I mean?

• 1:08:25Stavros Halkias?

  They've come back to heteros, they have invented the classic, my bitch wife, stand-up. But, with the added bonus of being gay guys who don't care if you fuck with their guy.

• 1:08:34Speaker 00

  And they can have sex with literally anyone, everyone.

• 1:08:36Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful, that's, I mean, so, yeah, I mean, so yeah, maybe it can work, but, so yes, that's actually a good start, jumping off point. Cuz I think it can work for gay guys, or straight people who sexually behave like gay guys.

• 1:08:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:50Stavros Halkias?

  Like, really, like a slutty couple, that it doesn't really mean much to them. I could see how that works, if you have like a-

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, if you're hooking up together, I think that's-

• 1:08:58Stavros Halkias?

  Hooking up together is kinda like the dream.

• 1:09:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:00Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, somebody called in and, and like, it was a wife being like, me and my husband used to fuck girls together and like, you know, I feel like, he's been a really supportive father, I feel like, I'd really like him to fuck a girl with me, like, and I was like, I was like, tearing up.

• 1:09:13Speaker 00

  So what's the question?

• 1:09:13Stavros Halkias?

  I, she was like, how do I find, the question was, how do I find?

• 1:09:16Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 1:09:16Stavros Halkias?

  The right girl, you know, like, it was more logistical than anything. And to me, that is, that, that's what I, like, when I, when I think of love, it's that question. It's that voicemail, it's like, wow, that would be-

• 1:09:27Speaker 00

  That's just beautiful.

• 1:09:28Stavros Halkias?

  So awesome. Like, you know what I mean?

• 1:09:30Speaker 00

  Are you smashing right now? What's the vibe?

• 1:09:31Stavros Halkias?

  I, I honestly have like- Yes, to some degree, but also it's just like, as boring as it is, my fucking job has completely taken over everything to the point where it's just like, you know, even hooking up, which is awesome, even like, it's just like, sometimes I'm like, fuck, man, like, I have to be up so early tomorrow, and that sucks.

• 1:09:53Speaker 00

  It's, it's a time suck, for sure.

• 1:09:55Stavros Halkias?

  It's completely robbed me of my enjoyment of, because like, especially when I was sober, I was like, what else is there?

• 1:10:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:01Stavros Halkias?

  You know, but, I don't know, I'm kind of in this place where I'm like, is it, how long can this keep going on? How long can I keep behaving this way?

• 1:10:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:10Stavros Halkias?

  The answer is, it could be a while, but I'm also like, I don't know, is this hollow? And then every once in a while, but then you fuck somebody hot, and you're like, this is kind of sick. So it's just a, it's a constant battle, and I think-

• 1:10:21Speaker 00

  Push and pull.

• 1:10:21Stavros Halkias?

  I do think I just need four months of a regular schedule to even understand what I want. Because it's like, so crazy that like, you know, it's been a fucking insane couple, like, I used to lie and be, tell girls I was too busy for a relationship, and that was like my emotional out.

• 1:10:38Speaker 00

  But now you actually-

• 1:10:39Stavros Halkias?

  But now it's actually true, and I feel like, it's crazy.

• 1:10:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, I can't believe, it's the boy who cried wolf, where now I'm like, lonely because I work too much, and the past, I was like, you know, shunning relationships that would have been really good for me if I just wasn't a coward, you know, but you live and you learn, and, you know, we'll see. But, and you said you're, you're fresh off a breakup? What's going on?

• 1:11:00Speaker 00

  No, well, sort of. I, I went through a breakup, like, a, a short relationship breakup-

• 1:11:05Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 1:11:05Speaker 00

  Like, um, two months ago, month and a half ago, um, but I'm, I'm just single-

• 1:11:09Stavros Halkias?

  But that wasn't-

• 1:11:10Speaker 00

  I'm figuring it out.

• 1:11:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:12Speaker 00

  I'm also busy, I don't really know where dating like, fits in to my life, but I think right now, I'm really enjoying not being held emotionally hostage by somebody. Like, I like regulating my stuff.

• 1:11:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's an awesome, that's almost as healthy a view of relationships as I have.

• 1:11:26Speaker 00

  Yeah. So that's how it feels to me. That's how it feels to me.

• 1:11:31Stavros Halkias?

  And to me, like, the big burden, the big thing for me is like, because, like, it always, relationships are always a burden, I always looked at them as like, well, that's a thing you have to do on top of everything else.

• 1:11:41Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:11:42Stavros Halkias?

  It never clicked to me that it could be a thing that's good for you.

• 1:11:45Speaker 00

  That's additive, yeah. Well, I, I would love to see that.

• 1:11:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:50Speaker 00

  I think it'd be cool, but-

• 1:11:51Stavros Halkias?

  It would be cool.

• 1:11:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:52Stavros Halkias?

  Someday, someday, we'll get there. What else we got, little LD?

• 1:11:56Speaker 04

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• 1:12:26Speaker 05

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• 1:13:11Speaker 05

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• 1:13:21Speaker 05

  Hey, Stavi, uh, eldest, esteemed guest or guests. Um, so I'll keep it kind of brief, uh, it's kind of a two-fold question. So, uh, I've suffered with OCD all my life, like severe, and, uh, I also, uh, did like, a bunch of changing, going to therapy, everything's great now, on meds, and I've been dating this girl who's, I swear, out of my league, it's, it's been amazing, it's been awesome, I love her, everything's great.

• 1:13:46Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome dude.

• 1:13:47Speaker 05

  Been together about a year, and, uh, starting to have some like, intrusive thoughts, or like, uh, uh, like things that can't get out of my head, about like, just some things I find out about, you know, her, uh, like, sexual past, I know this makes me sound like an intel loser, dork.

• 1:14:02Speaker 00

  No, it doesn't, I understand.

• 1:14:04Speaker 05

  Whatever, but, uh, yeah, it's just like, I find out, uh, you know, a few months ago, that she's had threesomes with her friends in the past, before we got together, uh, that she's still friends with, um, and stuff like that, and I kind of can't quit thinking about it, uh, and I think it's like, you know-

• 1:14:23Stavros Halkias?

  Tough to have OCD. Tough to have OCD when you-

• 1:14:26Speaker 00

  And you're dating a legend.

• 1:14:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, when you're dating somebody that rocks. Okay, let's, let's let him finish.

• 1:14:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:33Speaker 05

  And I think it's like, you know, gone from like, washing my hands as many times a day to just thinking about this.

• 1:14:38Stavros Halkias?

  Think about her sucking off to you guys.

• 1:14:39Speaker 05

  She obviously never did anything wrong, she's always super honest with me, whatever. Uh, I guess I'm just struggling dating like a, like a lady with a, you know, bigger bass than mine, I'm sure I'm also just jealous, you know, because I'm a loser, um, but yeah, what do you, what do you think? Should I just like, let it go? I've kind of talked to her about it, and she kind of just was like, hey, I've always been honest with you, this is it, you know, it's like, me, Sarah, are always going to be friends, even though we have a threesome with a guy, it's like, you just need to relax.

• 1:15:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, it's the girl she's friends with.

• 1:15:06Speaker 05

  Kind of one of the, you know-

• 1:15:07Stavros Halkias?

  See, that doesn't count.

• 1:15:12Stavros Halkias?

  This is a, this is a, this is literally, there's certain things you don't want to fix about yourself because they protect you.

• 1:15:17Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:15:18Stavros Halkias?

  And miso, this type of misogyny for me is something I don't ever want to fix, because if I heard that my friend was, my girlfriend was friends with a girl she fucked, I'd be like, nice.

• 1:15:29Speaker 00

  You'd be like, well, can she come over?

• 1:15:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'd be like, I wouldn't want to interrogate why that's homophobic and sexist, I would just keep it feeling awesome, but, you know, our friend here does not have that luxury. Look, dude, this is the cost of doing business. If you want to be with a girl that's out of your league as a mentally ill six, she's gonna have fucked more people than you. So that's one thing, and talking to her is nothing, does nothing, because this is, this is a you problem.

• 1:15:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:58Stavros Halkias?

  And it's understandable, right? We're not jumping down your throat, I get thinking this way, I mean, it's human, it is human to be a little jealous.

• 1:16:05Speaker 00

  It's an instinct, it's natural, I think, if it's an intrusive thought, though, there, there are things you can do to conquer those, it's just treatment, I think, like, genuinely.

• 1:16:14Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:16:14Speaker 00

  But, this is, it could also be a self-sabotage thing, where you're latching on to something because you want to blow the relationship up, which it sounds like you are self-aware, and in your right mind, you know you don't want to do that.

• 1:16:25Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:16:25Speaker 00

  I think like, just deal with your shit and figure it out, and maybe try to have sex, and she tells you about it, and see if that makes you get off.

• 1:16:34Stavros Halkias?

  You bust so fast.

• 1:16:35Speaker 00

  You make it a game, and see what happens.

• 1:16:37Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, that's a really, really good suggestion.

• 1:16:42Speaker 00

  I'm just spitballing here.

• 1:16:43Stavros Halkias?

  That would be fucking cool.

• 1:16:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, that could be cool, but then afterwards, don't freak out, like, don't panic.

• 1:16:47Stavros Halkias?

  Don't freak out.

• 1:16:48Speaker 00

  But, I don't know, there's ways to get ahead of it.

• 1:16:50Stavros Halkias?

  Sometimes, sometimes that is like, I didn't, yeah, I mean, because that's like, the, the, your kink could be, the shit you're, the scareddest of might make, might make you bust the most.

• 1:17:01Speaker 00

  Have you ever thought that the shit you're scared of might make you bust the most?

• 1:17:06Stavros Halkias?

  So well put.

• 1:17:10Stavros Halkias?

  Never thought about that.

• 1:17:11Speaker 00

  Hey, we're asking you to consider one thing.

• 1:17:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's a really fucking, yeah, we need a pull quote, eldest, we need like-

• 1:17:21Speaker 00

  Try it in the middle of the show.

• 1:17:22Stavros Halkias?

  We need like, me black and white, with like, with it written.

• 1:17:29Stavros Halkias?

  So yeah, man, you could try that.

• 1:17:37Stavros Halkias?

  You could definitely try some of that.

• 1:17:40Speaker 00

  I want to know where this, I want to know what happens.

• 1:17:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we would like an update, but don't, here's the thing, don't fuck it up, you know it, you know it yourself, and the fact that you have OCD definitely doesn't help, right?

• 1:17:51Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:17:51Stavros Halkias?

  Especially when you have it under control, but you, you've never, you know, with mental illness, like, your brain is also affected by love in a weird way, like, this is a new variable, that, and this could be purely chemical, like, that's the other thing, it's like, so I would just talk to your, you know, psychiatrist, therapist, whatever about it, um, and look, he might just be like, no dude, you're just a fucking, you're just a bitch, you're, you're not your OCD. Yeah, that's another thing you might say, but either way, you know, you can't talk, it's, this is a you issue, and like, uh, yeah, like you said, she did nothing wrong, but if it's still eating away at you, this is definitely a therapy thing.

• 1:18:27Speaker 00

  And you can, you can overcome it, and I also think it's like, because I was with someone who had sex with like, every person.

• 1:18:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:34Speaker 00

  And so, that was really hard for me. And I had to then, I think about it as, that their past is what has made them who they are, and that I love.

• 1:18:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:46Speaker 00

  Um, so, I think you can try to fixate on that intrusive thought.

• 1:18:50Stavros Halkias?

  By the way, yeah, you're getting some benefits here, you know what I mean? Like, there is, check out Uncle Stav, there's literally a joke exactly about this topic that I don't want to just do my act on here.

• 1:19:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:00Stavros Halkias?

  But yes, there are positives to dating a formally promiscuous hot woman. That, honestly, that's, again, that's the fucking dream, bro, just sit there, and, and the other thing is, how long have they been dating? Does he say? Because this is also an early relationship thing.

• 1:19:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:17Stavros Halkias?

  The more you get to know someone, and the more- About a year. About a year.

• 1:19:21Speaker 00

  It's still, you're still finding out stuff.

• 1:19:23Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:19:23Speaker 00

  And it could be shocking.

• 1:19:24Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:19:25Speaker 00

  And it's not an easy process, but like, you're, it won't matter in three years.

• 1:19:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, exactly. It might not matter in six months, you know what I mean? It's like, there's just, because you have just crossed the threshold of like, oh, I guess this is serious, and now is kind of the point where you start looking for things that might ruin it, and you're right, it might be a little self-sabotage, it might be latching on to things that like, because, because after a year, you're like, either we're doing this or we're not, right? Like, a year is kind of the like, if it's over this, then we're giving this a real shot, but yeah, dude, go to therapy, figure this out, you're good, you're in a great spot, and you know it, you know it, you're also mentally fucking ill, so try and get that shit, this might have just like, understand that this might be part of it, so, don't take it out of your awesome girlfriend, who seems fucking cool. Next question, eldest.

• 1:20:11Speaker 00

  You should have her on the pod.

• 1:20:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what's she up to? If, I, we could also get her perspective, if she wants to call in.

• 1:20:17Speaker 00

  Please.

• 1:20:18Stavros Halkias?

  And her friend, actually, we could maybe-

• 1:20:19Speaker 00

  Why don't you have both of them on?

• 1:20:20Stavros Halkias?

  Why don't we have her and her friend on?

• 1:20:22Speaker 00

  Get that Matt Lauer button in, then have a fucking day.

• 1:20:26Speaker 00

  It's picturesque in here.

• 1:20:28Stavros Halkias?

  It is beautiful in here. It is beautiful in the brand new studio, Stavi Baby, uh, Enterprise Zillow headquarters.

• 1:20:35Speaker 00

  Okay, next.

• 1:20:37Stavros Halkias?

  Hi, everybody, I have a family question today, so- I like that beginning. For context of the story- Pause this. I'm in my mid twenties. I like going, hey, everybody, that's fun.

• 1:20:46Speaker 00

  Hey, everybody.

• 1:20:46Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Instead of the eldest, Stav, guests, that was, that's a nice innovation, that, who knows, it might spread, keep going, eldest. And my brother is 12 years older than me, but-

• 1:20:56Speaker 05

  Is just to say that I'm the youngest in my family by kind of a lot, so there hasn't been any babies or new parents in my experience. So basically, I don't know what's normal and what's not normal. And two, my brother is a very sensitive individual who takes things quite personally. But basically, he has a two-year-old. And they're doing, he and my sister-in-law are doing a gentle parenting thing.

• 1:21:25Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:21:25Speaker 05

  Or at least some form of gentle parenting where they don't do any rules or discipline. And if she has a tantrum, they kind of just give in to whatever she wants. And it's, it's pretty annoying. It's not that fun to be around. Um, but it's gotten worse lately where she started hitting. So, you know, last time I was over there, my sister-in-law didn't want to give her a toy because it was dinner. And then she started hitting my sister-in-law in the face and then hitting her in the stomach and pulling on her shirt. And even then, there was no like, there's no, there's no rule or a, you know, chastisement or anything. It's kind of just let it happen. And then she got the toy.

• 1:22:11Speaker 05

  And it's a little confusing in general because our, my brother and his parents are not like this. Like they were, they like to lay the rules down, so it's not like we grew up with this. I don't know. I guess my question is, is this a normal thing for two-year-olds? And she's just gonna grow out of it and I gotta just kind of wait for age five? Or is this something where I could say, hey, man?

• 1:22:38Stavros Halkias?

  You can't say shit.

• 1:22:39Speaker 05

  You know?

• 1:22:41Speaker 05

  What's going on? But I don't know. Like I said, he's super sensitive. So if I did try to talk to him about it, I, I'd have to be very careful. It might cause a big fallout, but it's just gotten to the point where it's a little bit, it's gone a little too far, in my opinion. But anyways, I appreciate you guys listening. Thank you so much.

• 1:23:03Stavros Halkias?

  Um, this is really funny. I mean, look, first of all, she said she's younger by like a lot.

• 1:23:09Speaker 00

  Twelve years.

• 1:23:10Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck do you know? I would start there. I get being annoyed. And look, I'm not even saying I agree with this. It sounds like a fucking nightmare. But you're fucking, you don't have fucking kids. Does she? She doesn't, right?

• 1:23:21Speaker 00

  She said there's been no new parents in a while.

• 1:23:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. I, like, to me,

• 1:23:28Stavros Halkias?

  I get, I both get your annoyance, but as the much younger sister with less life experience, first of all, even if it, somebody's kid is their kid. You cannot tell them what to do.

• 1:23:39Speaker 00

  No, you can't.

• 1:23:39Stavros Halkias?

  There's like, that's one of the most, like, red, and you can disapprove. You can talk, if you're close to them, you could, you could set them aside and have a very careful conversation. But it's their fucking kid. There's no more, this is one of the most basic, this, this, this is like one of the biggest problems in society is like, why, why have they tricked every poor person to vote against their, their, their right, their like best interests? It's because they're like, well, they're gonna chop your son's cock off. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's like, that's the shit that's like, like, they, you can, people are so sensitive about their kid that you can, you can trick them with the dumbest propaganda of all time, let alone their dumb, their dumb, in their view, annoying little sister, who doesn't know shit and doesn't have a kid, telling them that the parenting book they read or whatever.

• 1:24:25Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm not even saying they're right.

• 1:24:26Speaker 00

  No, but it's, it could cause a huge fallout. I think what I would do maybe is just actually ask them, like, have a conversation, like, I'm so curious, I'm interested to learn more about this style of parenting, like, what is the timeline? Like, how does it all work? Philosophy, because then at least maybe they could set some expectations. Because I think, you know, I, I have two siblings with kids right now and I'm about to have a third sibling with a kid. And I think I've observed their different parenting styles and I'm, I'm learning a lot, but I, you cannot really disagree. Then you're kind of like, they don't, they won't fuck with you.

• 1:24:58Stavros Halkias?

  And, and also, I will say this, every two-year-old's annoying.

• 1:25:02Speaker 00

  And they throw tantrums.

• 1:25:04Stavros Halkias?

  And they hit, and it's like, and so I, now, could their parent, if this was a somebody who was six or seven, that's a lot different than it, like, my, you know, my nephew is, is right around this age and it's like, yeah, he's entered his no. He's like, no, no. You know what I mean? And he'll, he'll be like, whatever. He's entered that phase and it's like, it's fucking hilarious. Like, a baby thinking, and I, literally, I'm like, dude, very soon you will not be able to boss me around like this. I let him know that. You know, it's like, and that's the truth. There, it's a little dumbass baby. And could your sister-in-law and brother-in-law, or brother do better? Maybe. I don't fucking know. But you know who else doesn't know? You. You're fucking flying, what, every couple of months?

• 1:25:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, I guess I wonder what, how, how often you're observing it too. Cause I understand if it's like awkward to watch a kid hit someone. I really get that. But I think it's, you just kind of have to, I mean, also, maybe it's something you talk to your parents about. Cause I mean, what's, what's the most fun thing to do in the world is to talk to another family member about a family member that's not there. So this could actually be huge for your parents' relationship with you, because you go, can you believe what they're doing? It's, it's really beautiful. It's like a beautiful opportunity to create closeness and in that, that space. So I think you use it to your advantage and it is, but god, it's, it's kind of fun too to have moral high ground in your own mind. You're texting the group chat when you leave, like, oh my god, my brother's kid is two.

• 1:26:31Speaker 00

  He, she was hitting the mom and then they gave her the toy, like, can you believe that? And everyone in the group chat, oh, they're eating that shit up. They're eating that shit up. There's nothing better. So just maybe have a little fun with it.

• 1:26:41Stavros Halkias?

  Have a little fun. And I will say, you, you are exhibiting just textbook boomer mindset. Where you're like, they should fucking hit the kid. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like, this is, Eldis has kind of found two calls between the Polly woman and this, to kind of get you back to your Republican roots, where it's like,

• 1:26:57Speaker 00

  And just to show how far I've come. I don't think we should do corporal punishment.

• 1:27:01Stavros Halkias?

  I don't either. I don't either. I'm, I'm against hitting children.

• 1:27:06Speaker 00

  Gentle parenting, I guess, can, maybe is a wide spectrum. I, I guess I don't know that much about it. I didn't know it was like truly no rules, nothing.

• 1:27:12Stavros Halkias?

  Well, who know, I don't think, but here's the thing, I don't think she fucking knows either. That's what I'm really getting at, is you just don't fucking know what the fuck you're talking about. And I, I mean, Eldis, we, we're all here, we all here are aunts and uncles. Have you had that, like, when your, you know, nieces were like two, did you ever feel like they were? Like, just give us your general, I think you've probably spent the most time, I mean, you, you spent a lot of time as well.

• 1:27:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, um, yeah, they could definitely be annoying. I think for me, I don't know, my nieces are pretty sweet. They never really annoyed me that much. But sometimes kids just, yeah, you just can't do anything about it. You can't like shut a tantrum down no matter how hard you try and, I don't know, but,

• 1:28:00Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:28:01Stavros Halkias?

  Beautifully said, beautifully spoken.

• 1:28:03Speaker 00

  So I guess what we're saying is you're on your own.

• 1:28:05Stavros Halkias?

  You're on your own and just honestly chill.

• 1:28:08Speaker 03

  Stop thinking about it and just think about something that makes you bust or whatever.

• 1:28:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, something you fear.

• 1:28:15Stavros Halkias?

  Think of your greatest fears and jerk off. Great point, great point, Mr. Sula. Hit us with another one.

• 1:28:24Speaker 06

  Hi, Stavvy Baby, Eldis and your sexy esteemed guest.

• 1:28:30Stavros Halkias?

  We'll see, it's possible.

• 1:28:31Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 1:28:32Stavros Halkias?

  It's possible.

• 1:28:34Speaker 06

  Hi, Stavvy Baby, Eldis and your sexy esteemed guest.

• 1:28:40Speaker 06

  I'm in my mid-thirties, have a decent apartment on my own, uh, burgeoning company. And I pretty much cover my own bills. You know, I enjoy, like, I'm a, I'm an attractive person. I enjoy sex. But sometimes when I start hooking up with somebody, my actions get misconstrued of me wanting something more. My problem is, I'm just a naturally, like, extremely thoughtful person. I genuinely love doing things for other people. Whether I'm sleeping with them, they're a friend, a client, or even a complete stranger. If I see a drunk woman alone, I'm making sure she gets into her Uber safely. I have a pregnant client and I've been bringing her little things like Epsom salt for her sore feet or belly lotion just because, I know from watching my sister go through it four times, pregnancy sucks.

• 1:29:20Stavros Halkias?

  Epsom salt and belly lotion. Send some of those my way as well.

• 1:29:28Stavros Halkias?

  This girl sounds awesome, alright.

• 1:29:29Speaker 03

  That's what I'm picking up for Stav after this episode.

• 1:29:34Speaker 06

  Well, recently I was hooking up with a guy who mentioned that he and his son just offhand loved trying different sparkling waters. And I happened to be at the store re-upping my own sparkling.

• 1:29:44Speaker 07

  sparkling water surprise to find a buy three get three free sale. So I grabbed six and texted him, hey, I saved a pack for you and your son. To me, that's completely normal. It's not going above and beyond.

• 1:29:56Stavros Halkias?

  You've made one crucial error.

• 1:29:58Speaker 07

  I do this same thing for basically anybody I care about. But invading gestures like that sometimes get interpreted as, oh, she's really into me. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, no bitch, uh, there was a sale and I'm just nice. I'm just a nice person. I'm not trying to lock it down. My, so my question is, how do I keep being a thoughtful person without accidentally making the men that I'm sleeping with, or in this case, just man, think that every nice gesture means I'm trying to turn them into my boyfriend? Uh, how do I keep stopping from keep reading into just what I think is a simple thoughtful gesture? Thanks so much. Love you guys. Bye.

• 1:30:40Stavros Halkias?

  I do, I do get this.

• 1:30:42Speaker 00

  I see, I see both sides as a thoughtful person. And I think just in the dating climate that we're in, if you don't want to date the person, you just, you just have to be a little bit less thoughtful. I, I hate that that's the case, but like, the bar is just too low, in my opinion.

• 1:30:59Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, I mean, listen, I have experienced this from like, what I would consider not even being that thoughtful.

• 1:31:04Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:31:04Stavros Halkias?

  I think as a dude, I think just like being baseline nice.

• 1:31:08Speaker 00

  Guys need to be more thoughtful so we can meet in the middle more.

• 1:31:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's kind of crazy.

• 1:31:12Speaker 00

  Women need to be a little bit less.

• 1:31:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:14Speaker 00

  And sometimes it's me holding back. I'm like, I have this thoughtful gesture in my head. This, this happened to me like three weeks ago. I was like, there's a thing that I could do and it's really thoughtful and sweet, but I think it would just send the wrong message.

• 1:31:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:25Speaker 00

  And so I didn't do it and I, it was fine.

• 1:31:28Stavros Halkias?

  No, I mean, look, there's part of that, right? Where it's like, you do have to understand the, the level of thoughtfulness. Here's what I would say. I think you did make an error in execution on this last one because you go to the store, you see the fucking sparkling waters are three for whatever. You buy them. The next time you see him, you're like, hey, these were at the store. I got extra if you want some.

• 1:31:51Speaker 00

  That's so, that's.

• 1:31:52Stavros Halkias?

  And you don't mention his fucking son.

• 1:31:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:54Stavros Halkias?

  Once you mention a family member, once you get it out of the you two relationship.

• 1:31:59Speaker 00

  Even if they've mentioned it.

• 1:32:00Stavros Halkias?

  Even if they have.

• 1:32:01Speaker 00

  Mentioned it.

• 1:32:01Stavros Halkias?

  Even if they have.

• 1:32:02Speaker 00

  You can't do that.

• 1:32:02Stavros Halkias?

  You can't. If you want to keep it cash, you don't even think, this guy doesn't have a son.

• 1:32:06Speaker 00

  Don't even think about the son.

• 1:32:08Stavros Halkias?

  He has no son.

• 1:32:08Speaker 00

  Don't even let him enter your mind.

• 1:32:09Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 1:32:10Speaker 00

  No, it's such, that's such a good point.

• 1:32:11Stavros Halkias?

  Like you have to keep it one on one and you have to, you can still do thoughtful gestures, but the texting and the like, and, and maybe she's just like a very, you know, she's a business owner, whatever. She's this kind of person where she just like one of those ladies that had a BlackBerry, you know, like back in the, where it's like, you know, just like, like she's on her, her Hillary Clinton type shit.

• 1:32:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:32:29Stavros Halkias?

  Where she just has to, the, the thing gets into her head and she makes it happen immediately.

• 1:32:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:32:33Stavros Halkias?

  I would say you could have done that by, you can keep the gestures, but uh, less, you know, thoughtful presentation could help.

• 1:32:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:32:41Stavros Halkias?

  And, and I think what Mary Beth says here is true too, where it's like, look, you just know certain signals send certain signals. You know what I mean? Yeah. Let's say some guy fucking handed me a bouquet of a dozen roses for free, right outside a girl's door as I'm going to pick her up and I don't want anything to do with her. You toss him in the fucking trash. You know, it's like, this was, but it is like, you, you just have to, and the other thing I would say, obviously, if, if we haven't said it before is, you just have to make those intentions clear on the record.

• 1:33:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:33:12Stavros Halkias?

  And sometimes people hear, you say that and they just try and steamroll you and that's fine. You did all you needed to do by putting it on the record, right? And you can always refer back to that conversation. And another thing that you learned, like, here's something about maturing is like, when I was in my twenties and I'd be like, hey, I don't want anything serious, but I could tell the girl still did. I would be like, well, legally I have made my intentions clear.

• 1:33:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:33:38Stavros Halkias?

  I am not liable for any damages here and I'm going to ride this out until she decides she doesn't want to come over or whatever.

• 1:33:47Stavros Halkias?

  Sometimes it's on you, especially as you get older to realize like, look, I've done everything right, but this person just is not.

• 1:33:54Speaker 00

  It's just not right.

• 1:33:55Stavros Halkias?

  They're going to keep trying to date me. They're going to, they're going to get invested, even though I did nothing wrong and I've been completely communicative. Hooking up is messy, emotions are messy. People can even, they might not even really like you, but it's just a physical attraction. Who fucking knows? If you get the vibe that somebody just does, isn't on your way, because you can also tell when someone just is so like, yeah, great. You know what I mean? Like, they'll just like, they'll be like, they'll just come over. It's.

• 1:34:19Speaker 00

  When they're, when it's chill.

• 1:34:20Stavros Halkias?

  When it's chill. You can tell when someone is on your wavelength. Um, and you can tell when they're not. And unfortunately, you know, it'd be nice if it was just easier to be, you could just be a thoughtful person, whatever. But part of this is not, part of this is you being a nice person and part of this is being you, you being a little naive.

• 1:34:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:34:36Stavros Halkias?

  A little.

• 1:34:37Speaker 00

  It may be a little intense, which I identify with and I understand. And I think you're, you sound amazing. You sound like a great friend to have.

• 1:34:43Stavros Halkias?

  And I, listen, I personally am not looking for anything serious, by the way, just something to keep. And I love seltzer. Just something to keep in mind.

• 1:34:50Speaker 00

  And this is where the office is located.

• 1:34:54Speaker 00

  We, should we talk about our romantic past?

• 1:34:56Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, let's talk about it.

• 1:34:57Speaker 00

  Cause we, we actually really haven't spoken much the past few years due to our romantic past.

• 1:35:02Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I, I think you're overdoing it a little bit. We made out one time.

• 1:35:05Speaker 00

  I know, but then, you know.

• 1:35:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:07Speaker 00

  There was a conversation and then we didn't speak. And you changed your number, probably because of that.

• 1:35:12Stavros Halkias?

  It was because Come Town fans leaked it actually.

• 1:35:14Speaker 00

  I, yeah.

• 1:35:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's because a Come Town fan found it on Reddit. So the timing was suspect. I'll give you that.

• 1:35:19Speaker 00

  It was a little bit suspect.

• 1:35:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was such a time. I mean, that was pre pandemic.

• 1:35:24Stavros Halkias?

  It was pre pandemic.

• 1:35:25Speaker 00

  You were missing a front tooth at the time.

• 1:35:26Stavros Halkias?

  I was, I was, which was the best time of my life, if I'm being completely honest.

• 1:35:30Speaker 00

  No, it wasn't.

• 1:35:31Stavros Halkias?

  It really was. I'm not kidding.

• 1:35:32Speaker 00

  Better than being a movie star?

• 1:35:34Stavros Halkias?

  Much better. I was like on the, like my life was going good. I didn't have any responsibilities yet. I was still getting girls to kiss me even toothless. You know what I mean? So, you know, I think, uh, here's my recollection of it.

• 1:35:49Speaker 00

  Please.

• 1:35:50Stavros Halkias?

  Here's, it, you know, I didn't care, you know, how many girls that I've hooked up with, you know, don't want to hang out, whatever. It was that I felt like you, you either have to think I'm funny or want to fuck me. And I just got the vibe that like, you didn't, you didn't think I was funny enough.

• 1:36:08Speaker 00

  That's crazy. I thought you were so funny.

• 1:36:11Stavros Halkias?

  Here's, let's just fully get it all out.

• 1:36:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:36:14Stavros Halkias?

  I just felt like you never booked me on anything. I put you on my show.

• 1:36:18Speaker 00

  No, that is.

• 1:36:18Stavros Halkias?

  I never got, it's literally not because we made out. It's because I was like, she just doesn't book me on anything. I fucking put her on Funny Moms.

• 1:36:26Speaker 00

  I, I.

• 1:36:26Stavros Halkias?

  And I thought we were, and in fact, it hurt my feelings more because I can handle, it was like, I felt like you liked me personally.

• 1:36:33Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:36:34Stavros Halkias?

  And then, look, even, it was also weird circumstances when we hooked up. And so there's also a part of me who's like, this could have gone differently, right?

• 1:36:42Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 1:36:42Stavros Halkias?

  But, and so it wasn't, I didn't even think you didn't necessarily, weren't attracted to me either. It really was that I thought you definitely liked me as a person, might've even been attracted to me that if in different circumstances, something happens, and you still didn't book, that, that, to me, it was like.

• 1:36:59Speaker 00

  That's fascinating.

• 1:37:00Stavros Halkias?

  That's literally, that to me, comedy matters so much more.

• 1:37:03Speaker 00

  No, I totally get that.

• 1:37:04Stavros Halkias?

  And it was also like, you kind of, no disrespect, you kind of had a pattern of like, you, you had friends or dated people that were in comedy and I was like, if she, she's even, if she's like dating people she thinks are funny, I'm not, you know what I mean? It was like, I'm not getting booked.

• 1:37:22Speaker 00

  Yeah. And you're not getting fucked.

• 1:37:23Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm not getting fucked. And it's like.

• 1:37:24Speaker 00

  Wow, that's so interesting.

• 1:37:25Stavros Halkias?

  And she likes me as a person. So it meant, it meant that like, she must really not think I'm funny? In a way that was like shocking to me because I was like, I didn't, I felt like we got along. That was.

• 1:37:37Speaker 00

  Okay, that's your recollection.

• 1:37:38Stavros Halkias?

  If it was like, I'm not even joking. If you would like booked me for one show, there is no problem at all.

• 1:37:45Speaker 00

  This is why we need to communicate better. I, no, because my recollection.

• 1:37:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:37:52Speaker 00

  Was that we met and I thought you were extremely funny and we talked all the time. And I think I opened for you in DC and you booked me on your show with the three, with the two other, two other guys, Nick and Adam.

• 1:38:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:38:03Speaker 00

  And then I only had a monthly show at the time, like, and I feel like we only, we would try to book like three, three comics and it, we would try to not have like all white guys.

• 1:38:12Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I know. But to me, I was still like, I deserve one of the white guy spots.

• 1:38:16Speaker 00

  Definitely.

• 1:38:16Stavros Halkias?

  That was, that was my thought process.

• 1:38:18Speaker 00

  No, you didn't.

• 1:38:18Stavros Halkias?

  I saw the white guys you were booking.

• 1:38:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:38:20Stavros Halkias?

  They weren't funnier than I was.

• 1:38:21Speaker 00

  No, they were not. They were not. I wonder what that dynamic was. I mean, I had to eventually stop doing that show because um, there was a rumor at my co-host's kid's school that we were having an affair, which wasn't true. So we were no longer allowed to be photographed together.

• 1:38:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking crazy.

• 1:38:35Speaker 00

  Which was obviously really tough. Um, but I think that was also right before the pandemic where our relationship was kind of fracturing already. So I feel like that was the only show I was running at the time, other than Drag His Ass, which I didn't really book straight guys on unless they were the fuck boy. And I didn't know if that applied to you, which now I know probably, you probably would have been good for it.

• 1:38:54Stavros Halkias?

  I think I probably would have been.

• 1:38:55Speaker 00

  You probably could have been good for it.

• 1:38:56Stavros Halkias?

  I think I probably could have figured it out.

• 1:38:58Speaker 00

  Um, wow. I, I think you're so funny.

• 1:39:00Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, that's literally all it's.

• 1:39:02Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 1:39:03Stavros Halkias?

  I swear, that was, that was truly it.

• 1:39:05Speaker 00

  Cause I remember we made out, I think in Chicago for a hot sec. And then it was more like, I had just been ran through by comedians.

• 1:39:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:13Speaker 00

  And you were just meeting me at a time when I was like, I have to stop doing this. And then, and you're missing the front tooth.

• 1:39:18Stavros Halkias?

  I was missing the front tooth also. I was staying with the guy who ran the gig. Who knows if I had a hotel room, how things went. Let's just be, let's put, because it was a magic, can I just say? That was a great night.

• 1:39:29Speaker 00

  It was really fun.

• 1:39:30Stavros Halkias?

  It was, because it was like one of these, because I'll be honest, like, I couldn't, I couldn't really under, like, I didn't, I really wasn't going into it thinking like, we're going to hook up at all.

• 1:39:39Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:39:40Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you happened to be in Chicago.

• 1:39:41Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:39:42Stavros Halkias?

  I was also like in a weird relationship that was on again, off again, that I was like, it's probably best.

• 1:39:48Speaker 00

  And I didn't really know your relationship vibe at all.

• 1:39:50Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 1:39:51Speaker 00

  Like I had no, because I wasn't listening to Come Town. I didn't, wasn't on the Reddit. I didn't know anything about it.

• 1:39:55Stavros Halkias?

  But what was nice about that night was it was kind of completely unplanned.

• 1:40:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:40:00Stavros Halkias?

  You happened to be in Chicago and I was like, yeah, come on the show. And then we happened to hang out and honestly have a great time.

• 1:40:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was fun.

• 1:40:06Stavros Halkias?

  And it was, it did feel like one of those things that. If it had, that night, the magic of that night had to carry over. And it just, you know, for multiple reasons, didn't.

• 1:40:15Speaker 00

  Well, I was getting into a minivan Uber.

• 1:40:17Stavros Halkias?

  You were getting into a minivan Uber.

• 1:40:18Speaker 00

  The door slid, you know, it went like that after. Uh, which doesn't, you know, it was what it was.

• 1:40:24Stavros Halkias?

  It was what it was.

• 1:40:25Speaker 00

  Wait, that bums me out that you thought I thought that.

• 1:40:27Stavros Halkias?

  It's, it was true, because we also were legitimately friends.

• 1:40:30Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:40:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's why I was like.

• 1:40:31Speaker 00

  And then you stopped talking to me.

• 1:40:33Stavros Halkias?

  Because it hurt my feelings that it was like, well, she does it. It literally goes back to the like, it's gotta be one or the other. It's gotta be, if you don't think I'm funny.

• 1:40:41Speaker 00

  Here's the thing, there's, there's a lot of things, there's a lot of comedians you could say like, not funny or not my taste.

• 1:40:47Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:40:48Speaker 00

  You are objectively funny and no matter how you look at it.

• 1:40:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's why it was weird to me. I was like, what am I missing? I was like, I thought like, she likes me and I'm, I'm funnier than these fucking guys. And it was this thing where I was like, it was like, also the guys you dated weren't funny. I was like, I was like, so fuck these up.

• 1:41:08Speaker 00

  Some of them were, some, we'll talk about offline.

• 1:41:10Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, hold on, these fucking, and by the way, a lot of them weren't even fucking hot. No disrespect, the comedians. And so I was like.

• 1:41:17Speaker 00

  No disrespect.

• 1:41:18Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck's going on here? It's like, and then I was like, all right. She's not gonna book me on a fucking show. And it was just purely comedian. It's so funny that you thought it was like, just the, the completely crossed wires here.

• 1:41:31Speaker 00

  I thought it was because like you felt friend zoned, even though I had a lot of fun with you as a friend. So that's why I was bummed, but you thought it's because I didn't think you were funny?

• 1:41:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:41:39Speaker 00

  That's just like, I can't even believe that you as a man, like, this is actually a testament to your humanity. That that could even cross your mind.

• 1:41:48Stavros Halkias?

  Because here's the thing, I, I also.

• 1:41:49Speaker 00

  That's so crazy.

• 1:41:50Stavros Halkias?

  I was past the concept of being friend zoned because that was like, that was what I had escaped.

• 1:41:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:41:56Stavros Halkias?

  In fact, I was like, part of me was just like, I think if we kept hanging out, we might have hooked up because we had a really good rapport and had a good time.

• 1:42:04Speaker 00

  And then then we didn't speak for literally like five years and I saw you at a Zaron Mom Donnie's art crawl. And I'm like, I'm like, I guess, hey, right? Like, hey, how are you?

• 1:42:16Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 1:42:17Speaker 00

  How've you been?

• 1:42:18Stavros Halkias?

  To be fair, it did have, it was right before the pandemic and that reset everything for everybody, I think. But yes, it was literally like, I was like, fucking, I can't get fucked. She won't put me on the show. It was like, it was, and I remember like a couple of my friends, I remember just like, I think Sam Morril did it once and I was like, fucking, this, she's not, she doesn't know Sam. I know Sam's funny.

• 1:42:38Speaker 00

  Okay, like, okay, like a bell house show or something.

• 1:42:40Stavros Halkias?

  Anything. I was just like, throw me a fucking bone. It was literally about stand up. That's so fucking funny. That you thought I was an incel and I thought you didn't think I was funny.

• 1:42:50Speaker 00

  It's like that show, The Affair, where it was like told from the man's perspective and the woman's.

• 1:42:54Stavros Halkias?

  I was getting pussy at the time.

• 1:42:54Speaker 00

  Oh, I know.

• 1:42:55Stavros Halkias?

  All right, let's not, let's not act like.

• 1:42:57Speaker 00

  I wasn't playing my violin for you. That you're not, that you're not slamming hotties.

• 1:43:02Stavros Halkias?

  How dare she not fuck. But it literally was like, come on, I can do a fucking bell. I can do a Union Hall show. I can, throw me a fucking bone, sister.

• 1:43:10Speaker 00

  I understand.

• 1:43:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's lit, it is, and that does actually reveal so much about my psychology that it's like, what? If you really want to hurt my feelings.

• 1:43:19Speaker 00

  Just don't book him.

• 1:43:20Stavros Halkias?

  Just say I'm not, just truly believe, because people can say I'm not funny, but then I like, you don't really believe it.

• 1:43:25Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:43:26Stavros Halkias?

  But you kind of did a little show, don't tell by never booking me on a single show.

• 1:43:30Speaker 00

  We're gonna right this wrong. I'm really glad we talked about it.

• 1:43:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:43:34Speaker 00

  It has like, it made me sad because I genuinely really enjoyed hanging out with you. And our texting banter was like unparalleled.

• 1:43:40Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. And honestly, this pod was really good, you know? But yes, it made me sad too, but, but it was like, damn dude, I guess she just fucking doesn't. It was even funny. I was like, I was like, yeah, she just really doesn't, she'll even make out with me and not fucking book me? Like that was, like that was.

• 1:43:56Speaker 00

  I must have been baffling.

• 1:43:57Stavros Halkias?

  It was fucking crazy. I was like, what the fuck is going on here? So it, and my entire self-worth really was wrapped up in whether people thought I was funny or not, truly like. And now I'm totally secure in that, but yeah, that was a very funny, that, that was a.

• 1:44:13Speaker 00

  2019.

• 1:44:14Stavros Halkias?

  2019, the, yeah, it was, it was, uh, yeah, Chicago. That was, that was a hilarious weekend too.

• 1:44:20Speaker 00

  That's the first time I saw Meg Stalter perform.

• 1:44:22Stavros Halkias?

  She was great.

• 1:44:23Speaker 00

  So that night just really burned in my brain.

• 1:44:24Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of, a lot of history there. I, Meg was so, I literally thought when I met Meg, I was, when I saw her there, I was like, this is like some like little girl, like I thought she was like 20 or something, because she just had such a like, such a fun vibe about her.

• 1:44:36Speaker 00

  The energy, it was frenetic, it was, it was captivating, it was, I've never, and I think that was my first time performing in Chicago too. So I just had such a good time.

• 1:44:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:45Speaker 00

  But.

• 1:44:45Stavros Halkias?

  Was a good weekend. What are you gonna do? Well, we settled it, you know, and we.

• 1:44:50Speaker 00

  We'll always have Paris.

• 1:44:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we'll always have the Lincoln Lodge, 2019, and literally drinking Malort shots at a dive bar.

• 1:44:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:44:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that was beautiful, that was beautiful.

• 1:45:01Speaker 00

  And now we both have Netflix specials.

• 1:45:02Stavros Halkias?

  Now we both have Netflix specials. Galaxy Brain out now, Uncle Stav out in two weeks, folks. And, uh, yeah, that's gonna do it for us. Mary Beth, thank you for doing, thanks for doing the podcast.

• 1:45:14Speaker 00

  Thanks for having me, even though you, you thought I thought you weren't funny.

• 1:45:17Stavros Halkias?

  I thought you came, well, okay, I thought you came around at this point.

• 1:45:20Speaker 00

  You thought I saw more of your stuff.

• 1:45:22Stavros Halkias?

  I thought it was like, come on.

• 1:45:23Speaker 00

  You know what? This guy has, he has it.

• 1:45:24Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you know what? I was also just kind of, I was like, let's just see, because like, I was like, let's just see what happens. It'll be fun, it'll be interesting either way. Either like, I misread something and I don't care anymore, because I really, you know, it's like, who cares?

• 1:45:37Speaker 00

  But what a treat for people that listen till the end.

• 1:45:39Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. This is one of those like, wait till the end.

• 1:45:42Speaker 00

  Open for a surprise.

• 1:45:45Stavros Halkias?

  We kind of went Marin, we kind of went old school Marin and settled the personal beef.

• 1:45:50Speaker 00

  Essentially the Todd Glass.

• 1:45:52Stavros Halkias?

  This is the Todd Glass coming out episode.

• 1:45:53Speaker 00

  Of this podcast.

• 1:45:54Stavros Halkias?

  Which we were talking about off mic earlier, for, for those who don't.

• 1:45:58Speaker 00

  Just some context.

• 1:45:58Stavros Halkias?

  Just a little context. Uh, that's gonna do it for us, folks. We will see you next week. Bye.