Bonus #194 - Live Call Show Vol. 44 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/c/stavvysworld Stavvy's back talking directly to the fans!! Stav and Eldy play catch-up and offer advice to the beautiful members of the Patreon, including a woman's wondering if she should steal a vintage adult family heirloom from her mom, a guy with daddy issues wondering if he should keep banging his landlord after a messy hookup, and an update from a past caller who was seeking guys with small dingdongs. ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 📺 Watch season 3 of Tires on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81758875 🎬 Watch Tony in theaters!! Get your tickets: https://app.a24films.com/ticketing/tony/533 🎟️ See Stavvy live!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Stavros Halkias?

  How do you want to split it?

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Actually, dinner's on me.

• 0:02Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, big money.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Well, I got a Venmo balance that I can spend with my Venmo debit MasterCard, so.

• 0:08Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I Venmo'd you three times last week, so it's kinda on me, actually.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, you send it, I spend it.

• 0:13Stavros Halkias?

  Did my money get reincarnated?

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's chicken shawarma. Want it back?

• 0:18Stavros Halkias?

  I can't believe you ate my Venmo.

• 0:21Speaker 01

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• 0:30Speaker 02

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• 1:00Speaker 03

  Uh, let's start off with Toots.

• 1:04Speaker 04

  Hi.

• 1:05Speaker 03

  How's it going?

• 1:06Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, Toots.

• 1:07Speaker 04

  Hey, it's going okay. I'm ready to get some advice.

• 1:11Stavros Halkias?

  Please, that's what we're here for.

• 1:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I need advice on whether or not I should steal from my mom?

• 1:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:25Stavros Halkias?

  Put the volume down. Yeah, well, give me the situation. If that's the only, if there's no more context, I would say no, but let me know what else is going on.

• 1:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, so before my grandmother passed away, as a joke, she left my mom her porn collection.

• 1:43Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yes. Shout out to Grandma.

• 1:50Speaker 04

  And then, to continue the bit, my mom gave some to my sisters and I.

• 1:55Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 1:56Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:57Stavros Halkias?

  Cool family.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  And I managed to collect every piece except for the one my mom has.

• 2:01Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 2:04Speaker 04

  And she doesn't, she leaves it rolled up in a drawer. Like, I've seen her, you know,

• 2:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  use it as a coaster one time.

• 2:12Stavros Halkias?

  Mom, what are you doing? Vintage pornography, Mom. What are you doing here? Coaster's crazy. Coaster pisses me off, actually.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  These are family heirlooms, for God's sake.

• 2:23Stavros Halkias?

  I know. She's showing no di- How about your horny, dead grandmother in heaven, trying to watch, trying to over her daughter's shoulders, watch some of her, look at some of her favorite porn, and what does she see? She's a fucking fruit punch cup right on her favorite Hustler magazine. That's disrespect. That's disrespectful to the dead.

• 2:43Speaker 04

  I agree.

• 2:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:45Speaker 04

  And she's up in Catholic heaven trying to sneak a peek, you know?

• 2:48Stavros Halkias?

  Up in Catholic heaven with a bunch of priests that ask for forgiveness, so they get to go there. That's how it works. Even if you fuck kids, at the end, if you're like, "Sorry, God," he's like, "All good. Come on up."

• 3:02Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 3:03Stavros Halkias?

  So she's up there, you know, having a social life, the pedophile priest. You know what? Putting pedophiles in heaven, actually, that must be annoying, because you can't, God's not gonna molest, let you molest kids in heaven. So maybe that is kind of their greatest punishment, because I bet you in hell, you could probably rape in hell. It's hell for, you know what I mean? They're probably molesting demons or something over there, or maybe they're getting, anyway. So maybe it is a fitting punish. You know what? Actually, I take it back. I don't think, let me go on the record real fast, Toots, before finishing the advice. I take it back. I was talking out loud, I do not think priests who molested children should go to heaven.

• 3:41Stavros Halkias?

  I would like that, I would like that officially on the record. Anyway, so, so, okay. And so, do you think your mom, so basically, this is more for the public good. You're saying, "Mom, you're putting this beautiful thing our family has, you're putting it in jeopardy, and you want to steal it," and let me guess, you think you could steal it without her even noticing?

• 4:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've been playing the long game, so I asked her straight out for it about three years ago,

• 4:12Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:12Speaker 04

  and she was like, really like, "Oh, I don't know." And I've been laying in wait, not bringing it up for the past three years, because I know she'll forget about it.

• 4:21Stavros Halkias?

  Smart, smart. Here's what I would also say, maybe.

• 4:26Stavros Halkias?

  Have you ever seen, like, have you ever seen, like, a heist movie, or, you know, like a, yeah, let's say a heist movie, where it's like, there's two suitcases, and one is full with money, and one is full of a layer of money, and then monopoly money beneath it? What if you got a decoy porno mag and swapped it with the one your mom has? Maybe you put the cover, you try and recreate the cover, or even find the same one, who knows? Or even just, just something that looks similar, so that if she looks in the drawer, it's there. That's one way to go about it, just have a decoy, but you're thinking she's already forgotten about it?

• 5:05Speaker 04

  I have a sense, like, I think she thought it was funny, and then it left her brain, is my thought.

• 5:11Stavros Halkias?

  Well, look.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  But a decoy would be way more fun.

• 5:13Stavros Halkias?

  A decoy's fun, yeah. Look, I think it would be a fitting tribute to your grandmother to painstakingly recreate a porno mag from the 70s, to try and, like, get on photo, teach yourself Photoshop just to, like, complete, like, to just, like, you know, get the exact right tone of the titties with probably, they're probably, we're probably talking some, those long cone tits? Remember those from the 70s? Is that the style of tits? What, actually, what kind of porno mag? Out of curiosity, I'd love to know what Grandma had.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  They're like, the one I'm trying to get from my mom is the first issue of Playgirl magazine.

• 5:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God! That's incredible! The first issue? You have to steal it. You have to steal it. You have to Ocean's Eleven crawl through the vents and get it one night. I mean, that's nuts. Your mom is a fucking piece of shit for not taking care of that first edition Playgirl. Oh, shout out to Grandma. So these are, are these all dude-heavy?

• 6:09Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:09Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, so she's really beating off to these?

• 6:15Speaker 04

  She was a great lady.

• 6:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God, I love her so much. That's so cool to be like, because back then, that's, she was, no, women were not, look, maybe a woman gets one or two Playgirls back then in their whole life, but your grandma, well-behaved women rarely make history. And Grandma, Grandma was fucking, respect her. Put her, put her, she deserves all the respect RGB gets. Your grandma should get it. Your grandma should be the real, she's the real notorious RGB, or RBG, whatever the fuck her name is. RBG, RBG, RBG.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  No, it was a huge, it was an amazing thing to, like, just see her as your grandma, and then as you get older, being like, "Oh, Grandma has porn."

• 7:01Stavros Halkias?

  Did she, was Grandma single? Was she, was Grandpa not laying it down? What do you think was going on?

• 7:07Speaker 04

  Grandpa died when he was pretty young.

• 7:09Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see. And so she, oh, my, yeah, because my Greek grandmother's, what they do, it's really kind of medieval, honestly. They never even consider getting remarried. They start wearing all black, and they're like in mourning the rest of their lives.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:24Stavros Halkias?

  So Grandma kind of went, you know, she was like, "You know what?" She never got remarried, and so, and Playgirl, Playgirl was her second husband, is what you're saying?

• 7:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, she had, like, a trillion grandchildren, and was like, "I'll just be a grandma and also, you know, get off on my, on the side."

• 7:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, and I respect her staying in print. Now, was there any video to her collection?

• 7:47Speaker 04

  There wasn't. It was a full-print collection.

• 7:48Stavros Halkias?

  Respect, old-fashioned. I love it. Well, look, you have to steal this fucking porno mag. This is like, for all we know, your grandmother's soul could be trapped in it. And your mom could be disrespecting it every day, rolling it up and putting it in the fucking cupboard and whatever the fuck she's doing with it. So, yes, I think you're totally fine to do it, and I also think this is the kind of thing that, here's what you do. Ready? You steal it, and then you frame it. You have it.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  Okay, that was the plan.

• 8:19Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, we're completely on the same page here, Toots. You have it figured out. You didn't even, you know what? I thank you for calling us, because I love knowing that your grandmother existed, but in your heart, you always knew what to do. You didn't need us at all. Go steal it from your dumb bitch mom to honor your awesome grandmother and frame it, and then if she asks for it back, you're protecting it from her. Because now, now you'll know that, you know, she can't, now, the funny thing is, your mom will probably not display this magazine in her home, but hey, maybe you will, you know what I mean? Maybe you'll put it somewhere fun.

• 8:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, steal it, absolutely. You owe it to your grandmother.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  Thank you. Yeah, I think, you know, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't the impulsive decision, but I felt just, I feel like it's justified. I don't know.

• 9:08Stavros Halkias?

  You're so justified, it's crazy. In fact, your mom should be ashamed of herself. That's my official verdict.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I'll send you a picture once it's all framed.

• 9:18Stavros Halkias?

  Please do. I can't wait. Who was on the cover of the first edition? Was it Tom Selleck? Do I remember that?

• 9:24Speaker 04

  I don't remember.

• 9:24Stavros Halkias?

  Did you do one later? Yeah, I'll just, why don't you look it up? Anyway, please send the picture. I want to see it framed. And good luck, good luck finding, and hopefully there's more, as each one of your relatives die, they bequeath you more and more vintage pornography. That's my sincere hope for you, Toots.

• 9:42Speaker 04

  It's the dream. Thank you so much, Stapi. Thank you, Elvis.

• 9:46Stavros Halkias?

  You got it.