S13 EP8: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled...

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... Lego obsessions, new family car chats, photography hobbies, and a nits outbreak are all on the agenda this weel... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Observe the North American dad. 50s, great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, dang, that's a good offer. The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him boss. He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

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• 0:38Speaker 01

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• 0:49Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like mortal jeopardy. Now streaming only on Disney+.

• 1:00Speaker 04

  This episode is presented by Monzo.

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• 1:37Speaker 04

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.

• 1:40Speaker 06

  Fred, can you say Rob Beckett?

• 1:45Speaker 06

  Can you say Rob Beckett?

• 1:52Speaker 06

  And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe?

• 1:59Speaker 05

  I mean.

• 2:00Speaker 04

  I'm not even sure that sounds like a baby.

• 2:02Speaker 05

  So, no, that's what I thought.

• 2:05Speaker 04

  I do want to, is that a cat?

• 2:08Speaker 05

  Or like a door?

• 2:11Speaker 05

  Hello, you sexy, relatable bastards. This is my 7.5-month-old Fred, attempting to say your name, sort of. He was particularly impatient that it meant waiting for the next spoonful of porridge. Good man, good man.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  So, so he wasn't doing it on cue. He was complaining for porridge.

• 2:28Speaker 05

  I've listened to the show since I started. Before having kids, I've since become a stepmom to a three-year-old boy, Elliot. And we welcomed Fred to our family on the 22nd of December last year.

• 2:37Speaker 04

  Shagging in March. What is it now? I've got loads of times to shag before March.

• 2:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, we really, let's be honest, Rob. We've totally forgotten about that. We, last time we mentioned that was about three years ago. You out loud had the thought process that I had, that thing where you don't even know which month it is.

• 2:55Speaker 04

  I just know it's hot, but it's always been hot for mums now.

• 2:58Speaker 05

  It's killing me.

• 2:59Speaker 04

  I love it. I'm buzzing it.

• 3:02Speaker 05

  I'm so bored of shorts.

• 3:06Speaker 04

  I know you shouldn't love it, but I'm absolutely loving it. And I know it's like bad and that, but I'm quite, I quite like it.

• 3:13Speaker 05

  Are you a hot weather guy?

• 3:14Speaker 04

  Do you know what? I'm a consistency guy.

• 3:18Speaker 05

  Oh, so could you live in LA? Well, apart from, apart from your personality.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  I quite like, I quite.

• 3:25Speaker 05

  Let me put it this way, Rob. I don't think LA people are your people. You, you have an issue with the odd, say, fake person over here.

• 3:35Speaker 04

  Hang on, no, hang on. All I've said is a lot of being hot. You've just had a character assassination for no reason. And then put me in LA and told me off for being there. I love, I haven't mentioned LA.

• 3:45Speaker 05

  Well, I don't think you should go there.

• 3:48Speaker 04

  You asked, would you like to go to LA? And I've not answered. And then you've told me all the reasons why I wouldn't like it.

• 3:53Speaker 05

  Well, I had four days in LA on holiday. I hated it.

• 3:58Speaker 04

  I've been to LA a couple of times. I've, well, I think of LA, I've, I've, I haven't worked it out, if that makes sense. I don't know where I should be.

• 4:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's too big. You have to drive everywhere. There's no sender to it.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  No.

• 4:10Speaker 05

  And everyone's there to work.

• 4:12Speaker 04

  Everyone is there to work.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  And they all think they're incredibly important.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, they do, yeah.

• 4:16Speaker 05

  Like us.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh, I am, I'm really important, actually.

• 4:20Speaker 05

  They don't realise that we're the important ones.

• 4:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, that's the problem with people that think they're important and don't realise that we're important.

• 4:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 4:26Speaker 04

  Actually, I'm important.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  No, I like consistency. I like seasons. I like living somewhere with seasons, but I like consistency.

• 4:35Speaker 05

  You just want four seasons of three months where you get the exact same weather.

• 4:38Speaker 04

  I just, look, shoot me, but I quite like summer being hot and dry every day.

• 4:43Speaker 05

  Poor lawns, though. The lawns look so bleak.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  You know, that is too dry. I'll get, I'll give you that and it's a bit too hot, but at least it's hot and dry every day. And then what I want in spring is, oh, like, I don't like wind or rain. So I don't mind being cold, but in the winter, I just want to, I'd happy if it just snowed every day. It was freezing cold. I had to get special, like, bits of metal things to go around the tyres on my car. And it's winter and we're in winter.

• 5:09Speaker 05

  That's never gonna happen.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  I want it all, leaves everywhere and I want it cold and dry and crisp.

• 5:15Speaker 05

  Walk into, walk into the kids to school and kind of puddles and leaves. Oh, you know, you don't want rain. You never want.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  No, no, so I like it dry.

• 5:22Speaker 05

  So you want the only liquid to come from the sky in frozen form.

• 5:25Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, yeah. Is that too much to ask?

• 5:29Speaker 05

  Possibly not in the future.

• 5:31Speaker 04

  But I don't mind rain when I'm inside.

• 5:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, you've got a house.

• 5:34Speaker 04

  Wind, I don't get on with wind, whatever, if it's hot or cold.

• 5:37Speaker 05

  Do you not like wind?

• 5:38Speaker 04

  Really think it's the worst. I think I've discussed it before. I've just hate, I just, it brings nothing, wind, apart from kites.

• 5:44Speaker 05

  And are you big on the kiting scene?

• 5:47Speaker 04

  No, but, no, actually, I don't even like kites. Actually, I'm gonna, it just brings nothing. What positives do winds bring?

• 5:54Speaker 05

  Have your children ever flown a kite?

• 5:56Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, because I'm a very active and present dad.

• 6:04Speaker 05

  I think we need to buy a kite.

• 6:06Speaker 04

  You should go, you're down the coast, yeah. So when, when has wind ever, when has wind ever helped? Like rain, I get it. It, you know, plants.

• 6:15Speaker 05

  100 metre world records, wind is helpful, isn't it?

• 6:18Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah. And how many of them you got?

• 6:21Speaker 05

  Well, none.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  And you like watching them happen? And then when was the last time what happened?

• 6:26Speaker 05

  I don't really like watching them happen.

• 6:29Speaker 05

  Well, I enjoy the 100 metres. The 100 metres is thrilling because it's so quick. It's so exciting, the 100 metres.

• 6:35Speaker 04

  Because it's over.

• 6:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  That's why I couldn't really get into Mo Farah. It's a long wait for a mobot.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  The thing with Mo Farah's races, were they the 3,000 or 5,000?

• 6:45Speaker 04

  I couldn't even.

• 6:46Speaker 05

  They just, you're just waiting. They might as well all just be on a treadmill for the first 25 minutes next to each other.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  They all jog and then just sprint at the end.

• 6:54Speaker 05

  Because basically the point is we've got to knacker each other out before this final sprint, which is such a weird race. So they all run together to knacker each other out. They might as well just meet up knackered. We don't need the first bit.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  Just like, okay, is there, no one has any sleep? And you're the long-distance ones. No one sleeps, but then you'll do 100 metres when you get here.

• 7:13Speaker 05

  Talk about no one sleeps, Rob. You know my hotel thing where it looks like I'm shagging?

• 7:17Speaker 04

  Because you are, because you're having work done on the house. You keep doing these from a hotel room. And we will do guest episodes.

• 7:24Speaker 05

  Michael, did you do this on purpose? She said you've booked a room for two. It was like an absolute slam on me.

• 7:29Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 7:31Speaker 07

  No, I think that's just the standard saying on the website. I'm not trying to stitch you up.

• 7:35Speaker 05

  She was like, so it's a room for two, but with like a kind of, like.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  Josh, no one thinks you're shagging.

• 7:40Speaker 05

  No. And that, and that. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, Fred.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Hiding in plain sight.

• 7:53Speaker 05

  Hiding in plain sight.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  Little did they know, this little virgin boy was an absolute shagger.

• 7:58Speaker 05

  Hello, you sexy, relatable bastards.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  Oh, we're still doing the intro? Well, why did we start talking about being hot?

• 8:03Speaker 05

  Being hot. Why did we start talking about that? Who cares?

• 8:07Speaker 04

  Michael, can you remember why we started talking about that?

• 8:10Speaker 07

  I've got no idea.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  Write in, write in. If someone can email in and let us know.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  No, don't write in. Don't, please don't write in.

• 8:17Speaker 07

  I'm sure Reddit will be all over that.

• 8:19Speaker 05

  Oh, here we go. This is my seven-and-a-half-month-old Fred, attempting to say your name, sort of. He's particularly impatient that, oh yeah, we got to the porridge.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  Porridge!

• 8:29Speaker 05

  So was that what made us think of the hot weather? No, I don't know.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  Nah, you're eating, you're not eating porridge in these months, are you?

• 8:35Speaker 05

  No, I'm not. Well, I'll show you what I'm eating. Don't want to get distracted. It's not like us, but.

• 8:40Speaker 04

  What have you got?

• 8:41Speaker 05

  This is my setup, Rob.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  Oh, you set up.

• 8:43Speaker 05

  Today, including my food, which I can't eat. I think this is a new record of, of me.

• 8:52Speaker 04

  No, you can't. You can't, you can't work like that, Josh. You've got to stop buying yogurt-based breakfast and watching it go off in front of your own eyes during work. It has to go in a fridge.

• 9:04Speaker 05

  Describe the tower? That will go on the grid, surely, Michael. Put that on the Instagram.

• 9:07Speaker 04

  Well, the seagull never made it, Michael. I mentioned, should I put the seagull up?

• 9:11Speaker 07

  It's because it's, you sent a GIF or someone sent a GIF and it won't upload the GIF. And the still image, the seagull's not present. That tower, sorry, it looks like you've created a funnel for the heat from the laptop to go up through the toilet roll to curdle the yogurt.

• 9:30Speaker 04

  So what we've got here is, also as well, Josh, when you're in a hotel room, the one thing I know about that is you need to deaden the sound because it's too much wood and metal areas and stuff like that. You've not even attempted to bring a bathroom towel. We have got a microphone on a solid wood table.

• 9:44Speaker 05

  Okay, do you want me to go and get a bathroom towel and we can see the difference? Here's a little game. Okay? What we're gonna do, I'm gonna go and get a bathroom towel and I'm gonna turn my camera off. And I'm gonna, and I'm gonna speak twice and you can tell me which, which has got the towel.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  Do we want to do this, Michael?

• 10:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, I'm up for it.

• 10:02Speaker 04

  Let's do it. Okay, well, let me explain the towel.

• 10:04Speaker 05

  You haven't finished this email, by the way.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  No, you haven't finished explaining the towel up. They've not seen, so you've got wooden desks that should have a bath towel on it if you're trying to get good sound for Michael. Then you've got 80 bags of decaf tea.

• 10:17Speaker 05

  In a box, just to be clear, not in a bottle.

• 10:21Speaker 04

  In a box, but why do you keep buying so much decaf tea? You bought a box of 100 last week.

• 10:27Speaker 05

  I know, because I hadn't got any tea bags. They don't have them in hotel rooms, so I got some on my way here.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Okay, and then you've got your laptop. You've got a toilet roll that's still got the folded triangle on from the hotel toilet.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, that's good. That's probably better, isn't it?

• 10:45Speaker 04

  Your yogurt and then your, it looks a bit of a pervert camera, your one. And you've got a little pervert camera on there and you're ready to go. And are you gonna do the bath towel test?

• 10:55Speaker 05

  By the way, I will in a sec. By the way, keep listening.

• 11:02Speaker 05

  Um, I might need that toilet roll. I've got the shits, Rob.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  Well, that's good. You keep curdling your yoga, you sicko.

• 11:10Speaker 05

  Last night I woke up at four AM and had to go to the toilet. I had to run to the toilet.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  Oh, and was it just really?

• 11:18Speaker 05

  It wasn't a laugh.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  It wasn't, it wasn't solid. It was.

• 11:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, it wasn't a laugh.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Oh, mate. So you're on your go already then? You've got, you've, you're, you're, you want to eat breakfast though? You've got breakfast?

• 11:29Speaker 05

  Well, no, I bought it for like a break in filming. Well, I, I just thought I'm not going to get to eat that because I'm too behind here time wise. So I just dropped my daughter at club, get into town.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Right.

• 11:41Speaker 05

  Book my honeymoon suite.

• 11:44Speaker 05

  Go buy my tea. Well, tea first. Um, oh fucking hell, Rob, so stressed. I've had a really stressful twelve, twenty-four hours.

• 11:54Speaker 04

  But okay, what's, what's happened?

• 11:56Speaker 05

  Shall I just finish this? I've listened to the show.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  No, let's finish it later. Let's, let's meet this, the, the episode where we never get through the intro.

• 12:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, we, we got, so we had, we went away, then we had people staying, which was lovely. But our kids, when we've got people staying and we've been away with friends, the bedtime is insane.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, especially when it's light at night and it's no school.

• 12:18Speaker 05

  It's our bedtime. So.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or to the point where after my bedtime.

• 12:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, well.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  I'm like, please go to sleep because I need to sleep.

• 12:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. So, so I haven't had a moment where I'm not doing childcare for, for nine days or something. Do you know what I mean?

• 12:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, you went away. Yeah.

• 12:40Speaker 05

  Because they, but they are up till you are up and they are.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:44Speaker 05

  So there's no moment when you're not doing childcare.

• 12:47Speaker 04

  What happened to me this morning, Josh? I am, my daughter woke up the night, so she got into our bed. So I just got out of her, our bed and got into her bed. And then I was curled up in her bed, half six in the morning. I'm lying there asleep. Then I feel a ten-year-old child land on me.

• 13:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  She's gone to jump. She doesn't know I'm in the bed. She thinks I'm downstairs. So she basically elbow, like leg drops me like Hulk Hogan. She goes, oh, sorry daddy. I didn't know you was there.

• 13:14Speaker 05

  So sorry, is it her bed or was it her sister's?

• 13:16Speaker 04

  It's her bed.

• 13:18Speaker 05

  Oh my God.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  That's how I woke up, landed on.

• 13:23Speaker 05

  Oh, a development in my sleeping.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  We've got food, the futon's in.

• 13:31Speaker 05

  I said to Rose on Friday night, this is like sleeping on a cloud. It's unbelievable. I just got into bed and I was like, this is bliss.

• 13:43Speaker 05

  This is incredible.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  I, I, Josh, genuine, because I think people might listen to this and think, oh, they're egging this up or is Josh doing this? I cannot believe the way you live. Like.

• 13:54Speaker 05

  It's mad. I'm at the top of the showbiz tree.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  And he's happy he's got a futon. You shouldn't be living like this, Josh.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  I've got a yoga on a toilet roll in front of me and that's my working environment.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  I don't think you'll ever be in a house that's finished.

• 14:14Speaker 05

  It does feel, no, it's, it's get, it's very close now. We've got our, we've got our kid. Well, it's not very close. No.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  Well, it's not very close.

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Phase one's very close.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  No, no, no, because I, I tried to change the recording for six weeks' time and you said there'll still be building work going on.

• 14:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 04

  So that's not very close. That's miles off.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  But we've got three bedrooms now.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 14:32Speaker 05

  The stuff's in the, in the cupboards and the drawers in the kitchen, admittedly, Rob.

• 14:37Speaker 04

  So you, what, are you in your own bed then?

• 14:39Speaker 05

  No.

• 14:40Speaker 04

  So what, but then aren't the kids in bedrooms?

• 14:42Speaker 05

  No, because with the kids' bedrooms, one, my son's bedroom's done. But my daughter's bedroom's not. It's a spare room that's done because we had people coming to stay.

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Right. So you can't really kick out your boy because your daughter's in with you already still. So, right. Okay. Got you. Oh God.

• 14:59Speaker 05

  God, so close. Tantalising.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  So you've got the futon in now?

• 15:03Speaker 05

  So the futon's in, so I don't really mind. I'm just loving it. Apart from last night when I almost shat on the futon.

• 15:12Speaker 05

  Which would have summed it up really. Oh, update, fluff ball's out.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Out what?

• 15:20Speaker 05

  Vet, the vets. Last time I said she was in the vets, didn't I?

• 15:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, you was getting her from the vets. Legs weren't working.

• 15:26Speaker 05

  So they're, they're patchy, but they're good. She's got to go for a, um.

• 15:33Speaker 04

  So, sorry, patchy. I didn't think, you said they're patchy. What do you mean, patchy?

• 15:37Speaker 05

  Some days they're quite stiff, some days they're not.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  Right, okay.

• 15:41Speaker 05

  So she's got to go for a brain scan.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Oh God.

• 15:44Speaker 05

  It's fucking mental. Honestly, if we didn't have pet insurance, I think Fluffball would have bankrupted me.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  So she's having a brain scan?

• 15:52Speaker 05

  To see whether it's, um, neurological. Yeah.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, bloody hell.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  Oh, mate.

• 15:59Speaker 05

  But she's fine in herself. She's having a lovely life.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  But, but legs just don't work?

• 16:03Speaker 05

  Well, no, her legs do work. So they just get stiff sometimes. Like, like she's got, you know, like after, maybe she's just done a long run, that kind of.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  Oh, and then she just walks a bit like, so she's not dragging them on, I, in my head, she's like dragging them on the floor behind her.

• 16:16Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no. She's like, she's done a, a long run or a big yoga session.

• 16:21Speaker 04

  And she's done a big leg session in the gym. Now she's trying to walk down the stairs.

• 16:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:24Speaker 04

  And in my head, imagine this, she's got matching two piece on.

• 16:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:28Speaker 04

  Maybe, you know, sort of a Lululemon.

• 16:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:34Speaker 04

  Massive Stanley full of milk.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Oh God. Anyway, well, it's good that she's out and she, they're not, she's a bit better.

• 16:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:49Speaker 04

  Well, you just get an email?

• 16:51Speaker 05

  No, I was just looking at the light and whether I'm too washed out.

• 16:55Speaker 04

  Are, are you feeling a bit insecure because you had so many positive comments about how amazing you look and a few of the others? And the light in this room's not ideal for your glow.

• 17:08Speaker 05

  This episode is brought to you by shoe.

• 17:10Speaker 04

  What is it about school shoes? Just the words probably sends shivers down parents' spines.

• 17:16Speaker 05

  Of course, Rob. It's nightmare fuel, right? So you've got, A, you've got to find the right ones in the shops that please you, that please the kid.

• 17:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:24Speaker 05

  And please the school. There's three people that need to be pleased in that situation. And please your wallet, of course, Rob. Please your wallet. What size do you get? Do you get too big so they can grow into them? And then where are they? I can't find them and it's five minutes until we need to go to school. It's constant nightmare, Rob.

• 17:40Speaker 04

  But then the kids want a pair that they like or like, sort of like, oh, these are me. But then if they're not really suitable, because some aren't fully suitable for school.

• 17:48Speaker 05

  Thankfully, there's shoe kids, the place for school shoes that let kids express who they are. Feeling they can stand tall in their shoes, which builds confidence for the kids.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  Plus, because you'll find brands like Nike, Adidas, New Balance Kickers and Dr. Martens. They'll get a pair of shoes they actually want to put on for once, which will make those morning school runs so much easier.

• 18:07Speaker 05

  Find their perfect pair online or visit in store for fitting with staff who are pros in the right fit, found fast.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  That family wasn't real. You sure about that?

• 18:28Speaker 03

  I had a father called Vision. How is this possible?

• 18:32Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy.

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Now streaming only on Disney Plus.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  The action's on the court and as the official beer sponsor of the NBA, Michelob Ultra is getting fans closer to the game with a chance to win courtside seats, merch and more. Visit michelobultra.com/courtside to enter. Michelob Ultra Courtside, twenty-six to twenty-seven. No purchase necessary. Open to US residents twenty-one plus. Begins on October first, twenty twenty-six and ends on June thirty of twenty twenty-seven. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes and details.

• 19:17Speaker 05

  I've listened to your show since it started before having kids and have since become a step mum of a three-year-old boy. Elliot, uh, welcome Fred to our family on the twenty-second of December last year. We said, we got to there and then we talked about Shaggy in March.

• 19:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:32Speaker 05

  We're retracing our steps and then.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  You know what month it was in? I said it was hot. Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. And here we are. And here we go. One internet crash.

• 19:40Speaker 04

  There you go.

• 19:41Speaker 05

  Twenty minutes of pointless conversation later.

• 19:44Speaker 04

  Pointless or, you know, sort of reassuringly?

• 19:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, some bollocks.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  Bollocks.

• 19:49Speaker 05

  He was due the week after and I thought, having finished work on the nineteenth, I would have at least a week of lovely nesting time, but evidently not. He's now lumped with a shit birthday, but we got the best Christmas present. Oh, that's nice. Your podcast kept me sane during the furlough months of lockdown. Keeps me from going somewhat less insane during maternity leave. Keep up the good work. Megan in Norwich, four hundred and four months.

• 20:11Speaker 04

  Thank you very much, Megan. It's like added another month by the time it's, to read that out.

• 20:17Speaker 05

  Well, welcome to the show, Rob.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  Welcome to the show. Yeah. How you been?

• 20:19Speaker 05

  How's your week been?

• 20:21Speaker 04

  Um, well, well, what else? Oh, so we've been, um, we're hunkering down a little bit, the old beckett's.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:28Speaker 04

  We're not going away anymore. We're not away for a, no, we might go away for a couple of nights at the end of August, but we've got no, um, we're going away. So we're just at home trying to do like quite, um, normal and wholesome things, Josh. We've got a, um, little, I went, went, we even saw Minions at the cinema, which is quite good actually. I, I fell asleep.

• 20:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  I've got a vegetable patch.

• 20:52Speaker 05

  We've got a vegetable patch.

• 20:53Speaker 04

  Okay. Well, it's not, who's got longest dick, mate?

• 20:55Speaker 05

  But I was just saying.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  Okay. Well, all right. Okay. Well, what, what have you got in yours and is yours better than mine then?

• 21:01Speaker 05

  No, yours, well, um.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  What are you growing?

• 21:04Speaker 05

  Uh, we, we've done some potatoes.

• 21:07Speaker 04

  You've got no idea. You're not involved, are you?

• 21:09Speaker 05

  My parents do it with my children.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. See, I do it with my children.

• 21:13Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, my parents, yeah, I, yeah, I know. Well, you're, but you're, you're a better.

• 21:18Speaker 04

  Well, I say I do it. I, I, I asked the gardener man to, to.

• 21:21Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 21:21Speaker 04

  Put it all in and, and now.

• 21:23Speaker 05

  Oh, right. So you didn't sow it?

• 21:25Speaker 04

  Pardon?

• 21:26Speaker 05

  You didn't sow the vegetables yourself?

• 21:27Speaker 04

  No, I thought the plant already done.

• 21:29Speaker 05

  What do you mean?

• 21:31Speaker 04

  I bought a strawberry plant.

• 21:32Speaker 05

  This is embarrassing, isn't it? This whole chat.

• 21:34Speaker 04

  What do you mean sow? You, who's sowing it? What kind of sit?

• 21:37Speaker 05

  Well, you put the potatoes in.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  No, I bought, I bought, I bought strawberry plants, tomato plants and chili plant, but.

• 21:44Speaker 05

  You didn't even buy tomato seeds?

• 21:47Speaker 04

  No. What do you think I've got, mate? Years? I want a tomato next week.

• 21:54Speaker 04

  You're sowing it. Oh, grow up. Pathetic. Come on, mate. Have a bit of fun in your life.

• 22:00Speaker 05

  I've got that BBC gardening programme. They had a conversation with you about.

• 22:05Speaker 04

  No one wants to watch a seed grow. Grow up. Get the plant. Let's go, let's start getting some produce off.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  We've got some strawberries. I ate one.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, no shit. You bought a fucking strawberry, basically.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  So you're sort of.

• 22:23Speaker 05

  All you've done is bought tomatoes on the vine from Asda. That's all you've done.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what you're doing. I've just plugged the vine back in the ground. It'll keep growing, wouldn't it? Now we've just bought the plants. Are you sa- that's a bit hardcore for me. Now we've already got the plant. It looks great out there. It's all grown.

• 22:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course it does. Yeah, yeah. The gardener's planted it for you.

• 22:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, no, he put the plots where they shouldn't be put and then the kids planted them actually.

• 22:46Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  Where he suggested where they go, so.

• 22:49Speaker 05

  Yeah. Did he dig the holes?

• 22:50Speaker 04

  I didn't. The kids did.

• 22:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Well, when I say I'm doing it, I've watched a gardener set it up and I've watched my children plant the plants.

• 22:57Speaker 05

  Okay, yeah.

• 22:58Speaker 04

  And, um.

• 22:59Speaker 05

  On, on your little camera thing from in the house?

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, my camera thing from a Rob and Romesh shoot. I was in the Bahamas actually while this was, no, no. So we've grown, so that's quite fun though, but the strawberries, strawberries aren't great.

• 23:12Speaker 05

  No?

• 23:13Speaker 04

  It's sour. I don't know what to do because they look all red and juicy, but they're disgusting.

• 23:17Speaker 05

  Well, you should have grown them from seed.

• 23:19Speaker 04

  Oh, shut up, bollocks.

• 23:22Speaker 05

  Next year though, you could grow them from seed.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Well, oh yeah. Well, I fuck off. No chance. From seed. Do you know how long that takes from seed?

• 23:32Speaker 05

  Three or four months?

• 23:33Speaker 04

  Ages. I've, um, I did grow sunflowers though, from seed.

• 23:38Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  That was quite fun. It was from seed actually.

• 23:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 04

  So you've got potatoes. What else have you got?

• 23:43Speaker 05

  Not even into flowers, your sunflowers. Um, so what happened? Full disclosure, my parents, uh, which was a great gift.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Christmas present, wasn't it?

• 23:53Speaker 05

  It was a Christmas present, yeah. So that's been going well. I think there's a pumpkin coming.

• 23:58Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 23:59Speaker 05

  I think there's, um, there's, we've had peas.

• 24:03Speaker 04

  You don't really know though, do you?

• 24:05Speaker 05

  I do. We have peas.

• 24:06Speaker 04

  Mine aren't from seed, but I know, at least I know what I've got in the ground.

• 24:10Speaker 05

  I don't think some of ours were from seed. They were small plants.

• 24:13Speaker 04

  Here we go. It all, this is classic. Absolutely classic. It's all coming tumbling down now, isn't it? You don't even know if it was seed or noise to shoot.

• 24:23Speaker 05

  Because we put a potato in the ground and then you get more potatoes.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Is that all you have to do? That's not a seed. That's a potato. It's a potato seed.

• 24:30Speaker 05

  I'm not sure.

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Is that what them little like weird hairs are that grows off them when they're in a cupboard? It thinks it's in the ground?

• 24:35Speaker 05

  I think so.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  A potato's thick as shit, isn't it?

• 24:38Speaker 05

  Please, please, if you're listening.

• 24:40Speaker 04

  Here we go.

• 24:41Speaker 05

  Go right in and tell us everything we've got wrong. Cause I, this is one of the most, of all of the years, this is the most ill-educated conversation we've had.

• 24:48Speaker 04

  I don't care. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people knowing more than me telling me I'm wrong. I'm fucking bored of it. Like I say, I don't walk around pubs stopping people mid shit anecdote, giving them tips of how to improve it.

• 24:59Speaker 05

  You would have if your career hadn't gone as you hoped.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  If they wanted, if they want to know, I'll tell them, but I don't do that. So don't tell me. And then the little, some little fucking nerd on the Instagram post for our small business telling us that we put Sundays wrong. We put a apostrophe S for Sundays rather than it just being an apostrophe S. How empty is your fucking Sunday? If that is what you're writing on a fucking nice post. We put up, we're now putting up the small business shout outs on Instagram so people can have a look at them.

• 25:27Speaker 05

  And by we, and by we, we mean in the way that we are also growing plants with our children.

• 25:33Speaker 04

  I didn't even know it was going out and it was a nice surprise to me as well. Michael, I don't even know Michael knew that was happening. Michael, I, I imagine Michael's paid some sort of hipster from East London with a sort of fixed gear bike and his socks hanging out, some money to put it up. Is that right, Michael?

• 25:48Speaker 07

  Uh, someone has been paid, but she is not a hipster from East London. She's a very lovely social media manager who's done.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Oh, I'll get, stop grovelling. Yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  No, they said they put Sundays wrong and I was like, honestly, fair enough. Notice it and think we're thick as shit or whatever, but.

• 26:09Speaker 05

  I like this one. What in, in the, in quotes, professional podcast is this? Have you guys been hacked? That's a good comment.

• 26:16Speaker 04

  I like that. I'm up for that. That's a bit of fun, that. Anyway. Why do people get so obsessed with grammar? What is it that they get from the security of a sort of agreed way of communication? What, what, what, what prompts people to the need to tell them that? That post still makes sense. You know what I mean?

• 26:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I know.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  But why, why do people get so worried about grammar?

• 26:41Speaker 05

  I know. And I'm one of those people, but I also know that language changes. Language is about communication. That is its, its primary purpose.

• 26:50Speaker 04

  Shakespeare changed it, didn't he?

• 26:52Speaker 05

  Did he? Yeah. But also language, you know, it evolves. So maybe, you know.

• 26:58Speaker 04

  Josh, I got in, I got some salty, you know, like we used to do that salty Josh about someone being a bit salty. Someone was, I don't know if it was salty or a bit aggy, but when I think Leicester cinema.

• 27:10Speaker 05

  You'd just woken up.

• 27:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I just, I was a bit, I genuinely wasn't. It's all dark and cold down there. I come out 30 degrees, loving it, drying up, thinking I'm in LA a bit. And I go to the, there's three machines. There's an old couple on one, so I swerved that. There was one that said, sorry, machine not working. And there was another one, right? Put my card in, tried to tap, Apple Pay wouldn't work. Put my card in, wouldn't work. And then sometimes my card can be a bit funny with certain machines. So I just was like, oh, it's not working there. I'll try the other one. Yeah?

• 27:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:43Speaker 04

  Anyway, so I'm queuing up at the other one and there's a lady on the machine I was on and she's huffing and puffing. And in, in the time it's taken for that lady to go on the other machine, I'm second in the queue of the available one that seems to be working. I look right behind me now, it's like, actually every single parent that was in, watching the minions is now behind me. We've got a queue of like a hundred and 10 people. Like, it's mental on one machine. And then she goes, and I go, oh yeah, I'm not, I'm not sure if that one's working. I was having trouble with my card. She went, thanks for telling me now.

• 28:17Speaker 05

  Oh, come on.

• 28:18Speaker 04

  Could have told me earlier.

• 28:20Speaker 05

  Come on.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  I was stood there wiping the sleep from my eyes. So, and I was, and I was a bit taken out. I was like, this is.

• 28:26Speaker 05

  I don't need this at this time of day.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  No.

• 28:29Speaker 05

  Give me a coffee and I'll deal with it.

• 28:32Speaker 04

  And I was like, well, I did tell you like as you're in the middle, but I didn't, I didn't want to tell you it weren't working. Cause the other options, like that one's not working.

• 28:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:38Speaker 04

  Then someone else goes up, because I don't know if it's not working or not. Someone else goes up to it, pays and she's like, oh, wasn't working, was it?

• 28:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 28:46Speaker 04

  I'm like, who shit on your com flakes?

• 28:48Speaker 05

  Exactly, Rob.

• 28:50Speaker 04

  I thought, I thought it was unfair.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  I think, I think you're right. I think you're right to think that's unfair. I think you are right to think that's unfair. Do you want, do you want cheering up?

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 28:59Speaker 05

  So yesterday evening, I was like, right, got no one else is here. Early bedtime.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  Just you and no, no, no friends then?

• 29:09Speaker 05

  Just the family for the first time in Yonks. Yeah. Get them to bed and then I'm going to stay up and I'm going to have an hour to myself.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  Okay. What time, what's staying up till? What time's?

• 29:22Speaker 05

  Half 10 or something. That's all I want.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  Okay. So it's half nine. You've decided you're going to have an hour to yourself till half 10.

• 29:27Speaker 05

  Well, once we're asleep, once they're asleep, I'm going to have an hour to myself before I hit the futon. And then at four AM.

• 29:34Speaker 04

  Is the futon like a bed thing? Or is it just, or is it just the mattress of the, like, have a, have you got a photo? Can I picture the foods? I'd love a photo of what you've sleeping on before and then the futon.

• 29:45Speaker 05

  Okay, I'll send it. I'll, I'll get that.

• 29:47Speaker 04

  I think, I think we as an audience deserve that. And I'm including myself with the listener and viewership.

• 29:52Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  Like this has gone on, it's gone on so long now to the point where I just forgot that you're still sleeping on the floor.

• 29:58Speaker 05

  Yeah. Okay. I'll, I'll get those photos for you for next time.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 30:03Speaker 05

  Then my daughter has got an itch she had. Then Rose checked, she's got nits.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 30:09Speaker 05

  So we all have to do a family knit treatment.

• 30:14Speaker 05

  It goes on so long.

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:17Speaker 05

  Cause it was about 7pm when she realised she had nits. So it's probably a two and a half hour thing, isn't it? A full family. You know, all four of you have got to put the stuff in. All four of you have got to.

• 30:29Speaker 04

  Rinse it, then wash it.

• 30:30Speaker 05

  Brush it, rinse it or whatever it is. Yeah. Anyway, we all go to bed at 10 after the knit treatment. My daughter says, I thought you were going to have an hour on your own. I'm like, do you know what? I can't do it. I've just, I'm just, so I've gone another day. This is my first experience.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Of being alone.

• 30:48Speaker 05

  Of being alone.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:50Speaker 05

  In 10 days.

• 30:52Speaker 04

  Yeah. And how do you feel? Do you feel well rested after a nice family holiday?

• 30:56Speaker 05

  Yes. No. I do feel like I'm so lucky that I don't have a proper job during the summer holidays.

• 31:06Speaker 04

  I honestly, I was going to say, me and Lou were saying this, like people are like, you have to be in a specific place for a specific time. We're so lucky that we can work from home and pick and choose our hours to a point. It's like, it must be impossible.

• 31:17Speaker 05

  Because pick and choose our hours. I reckon I'm working and, you know, other times I think it's, you know, fair to say that, you know, we miss things because of our job. But I'm working three to five hours a week at the moment.

• 31:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:31Speaker 05

  Do you know what I mean? It's like, I'm not work, I'm basically unemployed.

• 31:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, pretty much. And then obviously you're, you're, it all levels out prorata because your, your autumn will get lively.

• 31:46Speaker 05

  My autumn's going to be lively as hell, but it's so lucky that I can do that.

• 31:51Speaker 04

  My autumn's so quiet. It's like I've been cancelled.

• 31:53Speaker 05

  But there is part of me that's like, oh man, I'd love a, just something that, it reminds me of when you had young kids and you'd go, I just need to do something that's kind of mentally taxing. Do you know what I mean? Something that's like, try out some new material, something that feels like I'm not just looking at Lego sets on my phone with my son. Do you know what I mean?

• 32:21Speaker 04

  I find it, because I've been off a lot with them, the constant questions.

• 32:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Dad, oh, oh, when we do this and you've got to be thinking, right, they need to eat this, do this, what should we do to them to bed? And it's fun going away with other people or hanging out with other people. But I don't know if you find that it's great because the kids love it. And then also you've got adult company to chat about things and chill out. But then it's, I get to a point where it's like, constantly agreeing. It was almost like an eight, if it's with like another family of four of like, what are we doing now? And it's much more difficult to keep all eight happy than just your four. But then after a few days, they get bored of just each other and their mum and dad. So they want other people.

• 33:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  But have you got, are they in camps this week or like?

• 33:03Speaker 05

  My daughter's doing an art club this week and my son's at home. So tomorrow I'm gonna do a load of stuff with him. And then, oh, this is wholesome, Rob. This is, this is incredibly wholesome. Wednesday, we're going to the beach to watch the solar eclipse in the evening.

• 33:22Speaker 04

  Oh, that's nice.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the kind of thing you do.

• 33:25Speaker 04

  Can I be honest?

• 33:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  Boring.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  Didn't want to, didn't want to piss on your chips. Boring, boring.

• 33:37Speaker 04

  No, thanks. Boring.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  I suppose, to be fair, your older daughter will enjoy it, wouldn't she?

• 33:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, I think my son, you know, he's a huge, huge fan of eclipses.

• 33:51Speaker 04

  Is he? Is he actually?

• 33:55Speaker 04

  You'll be, you'll be looking at the solar eclipse and he'll be facing the other way watching a DHL van go past.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Well, yeah. No, now he's into Lego. He's fucking Lego obsessed.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 34:06Speaker 05

  So we need to get, what we need is a catalogue of all the Lego.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  Rather than the online, yeah.

• 34:14Speaker 05

  Online, all the different sets.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  I used to love getting a brochure or a catalogue. Oh, they might still do the Argos catalogue and they have some Lego sets, but it's not a full.

• 34:22Speaker 05

  I don't know if they do still do the Argos catalogue.

• 34:24Speaker 04

  I remember Playmobil used to have a lease one.

• 34:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, but he's not into Playmobil.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  No, but it's something to look at, but Lego might do it.

• 34:30Speaker 05

  He needs a Lego city.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  Lego paper brochure. I've got an idea, Josh. Why don't you try and find old ones on eBay?

• 34:39Speaker 05

  Oh, because, yeah, I, I don't know. Yeah.

• 34:42Speaker 04

  Like, or does he need to buy it? Like, does he, does he need to be available to buy?

• 34:49Speaker 05

  I think he wants to choose what his next Lego is and he's constantly.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  And he likes?

• 34:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  Oh, hold up, hold up. If you go on the Lego website.

• 34:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, I couldn't. It says the word brochure if you search it, but you can't actually. I don't know how to order it.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  I've got it, Josh. How do you, how do you find yourself problems that I manage to solve in seven seconds? This is, it happens a lot. I'm literally looking at the whole brochure now on a screen.

• 35:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, how do you order it?

• 35:11Speaker 04

  With your wing mirror. So basically, if you go to Lego, you go to Lego, you click on it and it comes out of all the different ones they've got. And I know it's on a screen, but it's, it's not like a website. It's, so you could print it out, if you get it printed if you wanted.

• 35:25Speaker 05

  Right. So that's not the answer that you thought it was initially 10 seconds ago. Let's be honest.

• 35:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure. I don't think you could physically order it. Okay, you're right. You win.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  Oh, it's the Josh wins episode, is it?

• 35:40Speaker 05

  I think everyone loses.

• 35:41Speaker 04

  No, to be fair, to be fair, you are right.

• 35:44Speaker 05

  So I could at home print off the PDF of the Lego catalogue, I suppose.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, but, or if you put them on a desktop, rather than your phone, you can, banter aside, you can like, you can scroll down and it's got load and it's on a big screen.

• 35:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do that. I'll do that. I'll do that.

• 36:01Speaker 04

  Do you want me to send you, send you the link?

• 36:03Speaker 05

  Oh, no, I've been on that. I've been on that. I've been trying to, I've been trying to order from that page. Fucking ages.

• 36:11Speaker 04

  It's a massive brochure. They might, I'm sure. Yeah, I miss, I love it. I could sit and look at this all day.

• 36:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 04

  Because they put, they like, put them in little scenarios, don't they? Like playing.

• 36:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's good. They know what they're doing.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  I love it. I'm building ET at the moment.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  Josh, I know you like this kind of chat. I need a new car.

• 38:07Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  So I've got a BMW X long one, I think seven, basically. Yeah.

• 38:15Speaker 05

  Oh, this is a one?

• 38:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, six times bigger than yours. It's so big. No, it is big. It's like a six, seven seater one, but I, I had it on lease for my tour.

• 38:25Speaker 05

  Oh, for your dogs?

• 38:27Speaker 04

  No, for my tour.

• 38:28Speaker 05

  Of your tour.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  So I wanted a big comfy one that could get stuff in the back and anyway, but the tour's done, lease is done, so I'm, I need a new family car.

• 38:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  I'm thinking about getting.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  By the way, this won't mean anything to me.

• 38:43Speaker 04

  Multivan. I know I mentioned this before, but a people carrier.

• 38:47Speaker 05

  Okay, like a Renault Espas?

• 38:49Speaker 04

  Yes, full Galaxy VW Multivan.

• 38:53Speaker 05

  Right, okay.

• 38:55Speaker 04

  And how do you feel about that? No more kids, but it's fun to take other kids out, so we can get them all in. Little fun bus.

• 39:03Speaker 05

  A bit weird, but yeah.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  And get the golf clubs in the back, bikes in the back.

• 39:06Speaker 05

  Oh, here we go, golf clubs. How often are you going biking, Rob? Because I'll be honest.

• 39:11Speaker 04

  Come on. I don't own a bike.

• 39:13Speaker 05

  You don't own a bike? I know, I know your views on cycling.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I can't bear it. I'll go around the park with the kids, but I'm not going on a road like some sort of serial killer.

• 39:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, just fucking.

• 39:22Speaker 05

  But you get the four mountain bikes in the back and then you, Lou, the two girls can just hit the Sussex Downs of a Sunday.

• 39:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, just sort of crank it up through the woodland areas on official biking lanes. No, but I'm thinking about getting one of them to pile everyone in.

• 39:39Speaker 05

  I, I'm gonna say it now.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  Wouldn't it be helpful for you to have that amount of times you're going down to Cornwall and stuff like that?

• 39:45Speaker 05

  No.

• 39:46Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 39:48Speaker 05

  Our stuff fits in our car.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  Does it?

• 39:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:52Speaker 04

  X1's fairly small though, isn't it? It's all right.

• 39:54Speaker 05

  Well, I don't know because I haven't, it seems fine to me.

• 39:59Speaker 05

  I mean, I don't know.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  You're gonna be like Boris Johnson. You know Boris Johnson drives that big old like Renault Espas full Galaxy thing. Have you seen his car?

• 40:06Speaker 05

  I don't, I've not seen.

• 40:07Speaker 04

  This is gonna be you because what's gonna happen is you're gonna be in Strictly for the next like 10 years and everyone like, oh, big showbiz guy. And then they'll see you on the motorway, on the M5, going down to where it is you're going in your big old 25 year old BMW X1 because you hate cars so much.

• 40:23Speaker 05

  We are considering, our car's so dirty. Oh, there's his car. Yeah, the Toyota Previa.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  Yes, that's a, yeah, classic dad. Well, he has got about nine kids, hasn't he?

• 40:34Speaker 05

  Yeah. Um, I think we're going, we're gonna go electric.

• 40:43Speaker 05

  We're going electric. That's happening.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  Why do you want to go electric?

• 40:47Speaker 05

  Um, because we feel that we should. Quite like the idea of going electric. You know.

• 40:54Speaker 04

  I think you might get range anxiety, Josh.

• 40:58Speaker 05

  I don't think I ever drive very far.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Well, now you've moved closer to Cornwall, you don't.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  No, exactly. Yeah.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  How fast, how many miles is Cornwall from Exeter?

• 41:09Speaker 05

  Uh, 89, I think.

• 41:11Speaker 04

  Okay. Yeah. So if you've got one with like a range of like 200, 300 miles.

• 41:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's fine.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  But yeah, if you're only gonna do that, you don't really like drive around the country at all, do you really? You wouldn't go out for the day.

• 41:21Speaker 05

  When am I gonna drive around the country?

• 41:23Speaker 04

  Well, go to things and places.

• 41:25Speaker 05

  Like what?

• 41:29Speaker 04

  Well, your, your son might want to go watch Plymouth play away when he's older or something. You drive there. Yeah, train. So you're just, your, your brain just switches to train is easier than drive.

• 41:39Speaker 05

  Um, I, no, but when I'm buying my car, I don't need, I don't think a factor is a future away fixture in seven years.

• 41:48Speaker 04

  I find stressing about finding someone to charge it, but if you're not gonna go on big rides, you're fine.

• 41:53Speaker 05

  We're going to, we're going to get a plug at home.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, that'll help, but it's more that when you're not at home.

• 42:08Speaker 05

  Right, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  That's the issue. A plug at home is absolutely, yeah, that's like, I mean, the, the thought that you weren't gonna plug it in at home is wild to me that you'd drive out to a plug. Um, but, um, yeah, it's just, sometimes it's hard to find places to charge.

• 42:23Speaker 05

  I don't know what I'm talking about, Rob. I'm trying to have a conversation. I might as well be back on gardening. This is, this is, the topics of this podcast have gone against me. Can we talk about football?

• 42:34Speaker 04

  I'm gonna get a plug. But what I've heard is sometimes if you're out and about, you need to charge it. All the different charging places have got different, you need about five different apps. It's a right ball ache. And then if you can't charge it, if you're driving back, you know what I mean? So if you, for example, say you drove to like.

• 42:50Speaker 05

  Bristol. I might do the North End up gig in Bristol.

• 42:53Speaker 04

  So, yeah, so you had 150 charger on your car, right? And you're busy, you, you live a no buffer lifestyle than me and you're driving from Cornwall to Exeter, right? Which is 100 miles. You get there, it's got 50 miles on it and then you've got to drive to Bristol, but you haven't got time to plug it in and charge it. You've then got to go, right, I'm gonna drive to Bristol, but when I get to Bristol, I'm gonna find a parking space with a plug so that I can charge it during my gig, then drive back.

• 43:19Speaker 04

  So I think hybrid.

• 43:20Speaker 05

  I'm pulling the gig.

• 43:21Speaker 04

  I'm getting, I'm gonna suggest hybrid for you because then morally you feel okay, but then you've got the safety.

• 43:27Speaker 05

  In case, one day I'm driving from Cornwall to Bristol via Exeter.

• 43:31Speaker 04

  Josh, if you get an electric car, I know how you work. I 100% guarantee you'll run out of charge somewhere and be furious. Or you'll ring me in a massive stress going like, oh, it's ridiculous. I've got a brush though. I forgot to charge or the kids turn the thing off.

• 43:50Speaker 04

  Anyway, hey, you do you.

• 43:52Speaker 05

  I look forward to getting your family people carrier.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  I want a people carrier.

• 43:56Speaker 05

  Because I'm gonna say it. You've never used the phrase on here, I'm thinking of, without that happening.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 44:07Speaker 05

  You've never gone, do you know what? I've put some thought into it. It's, it's the World Cup final all over again. I, you've never gone, I'm thinking of it, I'm weighing up the options and I've decided it's a bad idea.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  I just honestly, I get excited by an idea and I'm so in, so, and I, I can't, I can't just go, I'm quite enjoying golf as my new hobby. I need to go to the Masters and set up a golf YouTube channel.

• 44:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the problem, isn't it?

• 44:35Speaker 04

  I have, I've got to learn restraint.

• 44:37Speaker 05

  Or can I ask you some advice on that?

• 44:39Speaker 04

  On what? Golf?

• 44:41Speaker 05

  No.

• 44:43Speaker 04

  Good decision.

• 44:43Speaker 05

  I have a similar all in situation.

• 44:47Speaker 04

  Right, so what have you got obsessed with?

• 44:49Speaker 05

  You know, I've, I've got obsessed with photography.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I know, well, I've heard you mention it as your new hobby, but yeah, I'd say it's something that's creeping up.

• 44:56Speaker 05

  When we were in Paris, I went, I went photographing twice rather than hanging out with other people.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, which is absolutely fine, no problem with that.

• 45:03Speaker 05

  Fine, yeah.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  Yeah. Is it called photographing?

• 45:07Speaker 05

  Shooting, I didn't want to say shooting.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  I went, yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 05

  Cause I thought you'd take the piss.

• 45:13Speaker 04

  No, I don't know what the word is. I went for a shoot around town in Paris. Gay Paris, just me and my lens.

• 45:22Speaker 05

  I'm really into, I was thinking of starting up a, a different Instagram thing with my photography on it.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think it's a good idea.

• 45:31Speaker 05

  Okay, good.

• 45:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think that's fine.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  And then you could put it up there and then you'd probably do a book and write a little story.

• 45:37Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  Then you do a little book, then you go to a book store.

• 45:45Speaker 05

  No.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  What is it about our lives? Hello, I'm Josh Riddick, welcome to Shot of Your Lives, a new 12 part show. We have budding photographers, we give them a camera and they go out and get the shot.

• 46:01Speaker 05

  Do you know what? Production companies get in touch.

• 46:05Speaker 04

  I'd love to be a guest of your show, Josh, but I'm running my new reality show where I'm running a dilapidated golf course, actually. Even though I got bored of golf two years ago.

• 46:14Speaker 05

  Is wrong with us?

• 46:16Speaker 04

  Well, that's how our brains are wired and it's been.

• 46:18Speaker 05

  We can't do anything without trying to turn it into a.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  Even fucking and having kids, we've managed to monetise.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  It's mental. Literally, having the shits at 4am is now content. That's, nothing in my life is not monetised or at least done to profile.

• 46:39Speaker 04

  It's pathetic, telling everyone everything.

• 46:42Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, why am I sharing everything? It's fucking rubbish.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I think we would be doing it anyways, who might as well do it and there'd be some sort of benefit.

• 46:50Speaker 05

  Oh, man, a life. It's, it's like an illness.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  It is.

• 47:02Speaker 05

  It's pathetic, it's absolutely pathetic.

• 47:06Speaker 04

  Why do you see all these actors that just go around and no one even knows anything about them? And I'm just like, I'm just asshole out talking about shit, leaving it on a podcast.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, look at my photos of Paris.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  Love me, I know you're talented at other things as well, aren't I? Great, like it, follow, subscribe.

• 47:27Speaker 05

  Oh, God. And like, we were born in the perfect point when we could just do this ourselves. Cause otherwise, if we were born 10 years earlier, you'd be going to ITV and going, oh, could I pitch a show where I play golf? And they'd be going, oh, I'm not sure, but now you can just do it.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  Steve and Mulhern's doing Frisbee, actually, so we've got that covered.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. Could you do it with, you know?

• 47:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:53Speaker 05

  Could, do you think you're my charmer?

• 47:55Speaker 04

  Cockwans doing clay pigeon shooting.

• 47:56Speaker 05

  You know, four balls or whatever, but like.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  Small business. Anyway, it's good to catch up about our kids.

• 48:05Speaker 04

  Here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh, a small business shout out, but a niche one. We make a cleaner that gets rid of.

• 48:11Speaker 05

  The other ones haven't been niche.

• 48:13Speaker 04

  This one is the neatest of all time.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  Right, okay, try and guess what this cleaner does.

• 48:19Speaker 05

  Sings.

• 48:21Speaker 04

  Sings?

• 48:22Speaker 05

  No, I'm just, I don't know.

• 48:23Speaker 04

  You being whimsical?

• 48:24Speaker 05

  No, I'm not, I was thinking of a niche thing where they like.

• 48:27Speaker 04

  Now, what, what, what a cleaner, they've made a cleaning product, what does it do?

• 48:31Speaker 05

  Oh, right, sorry, I thought they cleaned and did something else around your house at the same time.

• 48:35Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no, they've invented a product that cleans, guess what it cleans?

• 48:42Speaker 05

  Computer, I'm just saying what's in front of me.

• 48:48Speaker 04

  Line, like entertainment, show hosts. No, we make a cleaner that gets rid of dog wee smell on artificial grass.

• 48:57Speaker 05

  That is good, actually, that is good.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  And properly, not just for 20 minutes, genuinely more urgent right now too. This hot weather makes it about 10 times worse. We are turf tales. If you've got fake grass and a dog or kids who insist on rolling around on it right after the dog's been out, you know the smell regular cleaners just mask. Ours uses naturally derived bio enzymes rather than harsh chemicals and eradicates it at source by breaking down the uric crystals. Completely safe little feet and paws. We're a new family run business, I actually started it on mat leave, so I'd absolutely love a shout out. And if any listeners want to try it themselves, 15% off with the code, parenting hell 15 on our website, turf tales, T U R F T A I L S dot co.uk.

• 49:44Speaker 04

  Cheers, Caroline from Sig Cup, it's near me, Sig Cup.

• 49:47Speaker 05

  It is, hey guys, I'm a day one listener from when I was stuck in the UK, childless during Covid. Don't sound like you, you know, we put a gun to your head and made you listen, Katie, but fair enough.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  Okay, there weren't as many podcasts back then.

• 50:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, since then, I'm living in Germany with a beautiful nine month old and another on the way, which may come as a surprise.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Beautiful nine month old and a dog rough two year old.

• 50:13Speaker 05

  This is good though, Rob, wait for this. Which may come as a surprise to my British family who are listening, surprise.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  Oh, she's announced a pregnancy.

• 50:23Speaker 05

  Yeah. And on top of this, I wanted to give my sister in law a small business shout out. Well, she's announced the pregnancy, judge her by the speed we get through these, that's a three year old now. I wanted to give my sister in law a small business shout out. Aisha's or Aisha's company, Earthly Bites, creates delicious chocolate that has only real ingredients, no refined sugar and is vegan. All her chocolate is beautifully handmade in Somerset, I could drive there even with my electric car. And is a real hit with everyone who tries it, vegan or otherwise. She's really passionate about making chocolate that's actually real food and not just full of chemicals. You can check her out on Instagram under earthly bites UK.

• 51:04Speaker 05

  She has a website, earthlybites.co.uk as well as an Etsy shop. Vielen lieben Dank, Katie.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  Thank you, good work, Katie. In Germany, I love Germany.

• 51:16Speaker 05

  Is it your favourite country to go to?

• 51:19Speaker 04

  No.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  Fair enough.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  Let's hear what though, Josh, talking about driving, driving through France on the toll roads, so easy, so easy. I think you should go on a little European adventure.

• 51:30Speaker 05

  Well, on that, Rob, maybe we'll cover this in the next episode. I've started doing Duolingo.

• 51:38Speaker 04

  Okay, let's talk about that in the next episode.

• 51:41Speaker 05

  And I was thinking maybe I could turn it into a TV show.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  Called What's That with Josh Riddick, where he gets crazy words from the continent and tells you what they are in English.

• 51:53Speaker 05

  No, I just, I'll tell you about it in the next episode, I've not decided seriously, but I added it to my phone.

• 51:58Speaker 04

  What's the sort of attain a version of a cliffhanger?

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Ledge looker?

• 52:04Speaker 05

  Just someone about 10 yards from the edge of a cliff.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  Over the ledge, quite high up.

• 52:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  A balcony peak.

• 52:10Speaker 05

  Yeah. Um, but, uh, yeah, I'll see you.

• 52:13Speaker 04

  Which language?

• 52:14Speaker 05

  Uh, en familie, uh, French.

• 52:18Speaker 04

  All right, see you later, mate.

• 52:20Speaker 05

  Bye.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  Bye.