S13 EP7: The one where Rob gets a speeding ticket in Germany

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... Rob has driven all the way back from Germany with the family after a trip to Europa Park. Josh tries to record the podcast while kids in the house play with whistles and bells. **Please excuse the section in the middle with poor video quality on Rob's feed - there were some extreme tech issues with the episode** ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:30Speaker 05

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• 1:32Speaker 06

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• 2:07Speaker 05

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.

• 2:10Speaker 07

  Bella, can you say Rob? That's Kit. And can you say Josh? Widdicombe. Good girl.

• 2:19Speaker 06

  There we go, Rob.

• 2:20Speaker 05

  That's good. Efficient in and out, boss.

• 2:22Speaker 06

  Hello, sexy and relatable legends. I don't like inefficient. Here's a clip of my adorable.

• 2:28Speaker 05

  Pardon? Hang on, sorry, sorry.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  You don't like inefficient?

• 2:34Speaker 06

  No, I'm unprofessional. I'm not inefficient. I'm unprofessional.

• 2:38Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, well, I'd say.

• 2:40Speaker 06

  I'm not unprofessional, I'm disorganized.

• 2:42Speaker 05

  You're disorganized, but then that disorganization leads to inefficiency.

• 2:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, what I don't like.

• 2:47Speaker 05

  Because at the moment, Josh, you're currently in a room where the door doesn't shut.

• 2:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:53Speaker 05

  And it's quite echoey and we can hear your children playing. And.

• 2:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, but.

• 2:58Speaker 05

  I'd say that isn't an efficient podcasting space.

• 3:02Speaker 06

  No, but I suppose the other argument is.

• 3:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:04Speaker 06

  I've given up an hour of my holiday to keep us on track, which is a pretty, whereas other people wouldn't have done that. So that's quite an efficient thing to do.

• 3:13Speaker 05

  Quite noble, quite noble of you.

• 3:15Speaker 06

  Noble, yeah. Well, no, not noble. I'd say, I'd say it's the least you'd expect of two, three people. You know, running one of the biggest podcasts in Europe is to be able to give up an hour of their holiday.

• 3:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, an hour, yeah, an hour of the holiday, yeah. But, but we're here now and.

• 3:32Speaker 06

  Why do we always say in Europe? It feels weird. Let's just say.

• 3:36Speaker 05

  Because there's much bigger podcasts in the rest of the world, that's why.

• 3:39Speaker 06

  No, let's say in the world excluding America. Let's take, I reckon, I don't reckon that there's many.

• 3:44Speaker 05

  What is it, EMEA? Europe, Middle East. When I do award ceremonies, it always says like the Vice President of EMEA. And I'm like, what the fuck's that? But I think it's called Europe, Middle East.

• 3:56Speaker 06

  And Asia.

• 3:57Speaker 05

  EMEA.

• 3:58Speaker 04

  It's Africa the last day.

• 4:00Speaker 06

  It's Africa.

• 4:01Speaker 05

  Oh, is it? Okay, so we, the biggest podcast in Europe, the Middle East and Africa.

• 4:06Speaker 06

  Michael, is there any bigger podcasts in Qatar?

• 4:09Speaker 04

  The biggest comedy, comedy entertainment podcast.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  Oh, it's getting, no, let's stop it. It's just getting worse. But hosted by two men and talking about their kids, this is pathetic.

• 4:19Speaker 06

  Well, I'd say hosted by two men doesn't narrow it down. It doesn't exclude many podcasts.

• 4:24Speaker 05

  What about men? They know their way around a fucking podcast.

• 4:28Speaker 06

  So.

• 4:30Speaker 05

  Why don't more women do podcasts? Because it might.

• 4:33Speaker 06

  Marina's beating us, isn't she? Presumably, Michael.

• 4:35Speaker 05

  Let's not talk about competition. Who's Marina?

• 4:39Speaker 06

  Marina Hyde.

• 4:40Speaker 05

  What is that noise?

• 4:41Speaker 04

  What is that noise? That's insane.

• 4:43Speaker 06

  That's a child, that's a child with a whistle.

• 4:44Speaker 05

  That, right.

• 4:47Speaker 04

  I'm pretty, I'm pretty relaxed, but a kid with a whistle is where I draw the line.

• 4:52Speaker 06

  Okay, but stop now.

• 4:54Speaker 05

  I can't, I can't put up with a kid with a whistle just normally in my house, never mind.

• 4:58Speaker 06

  Well, that's because I'm more chilled out, aren't I these days, Rob?

• 5:01Speaker 05

  Is it not an argument that you get the whistle now?

• 5:04Speaker 06

  No, I don't think it'll be used again. I can't see it being used again.

• 5:07Speaker 05

  What, by a five-year-old? Surely it'll be used again.

• 5:10Speaker 06

  I think it's, judging by the power of the whistle, that was a two-year-old.

• 5:13Speaker 05

  I want to say you've got other kids in the house.

• 5:15Speaker 06

  Oh, he's using it again. Oh yeah, there's loads of people here.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  Right, okay. So is it worth getting rid of the whistle or?

• 5:23Speaker 06

  Let's see if it goes again.

• 5:24Speaker 05

  Okay, something's good to.

• 5:27Speaker 06

  That's a bow.

• 5:28Speaker 05

  That's a bow.

• 5:34Speaker 05

  You've got a percussion class.

• 5:37Speaker 06

  I'm going to get a bow.

• 5:39Speaker 05

  And the whistle.

• 5:40Speaker 06

  I've still got my headphones in so I can hear what you say.

• 5:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, don't worry.

• 5:45Speaker 04

  If they've got an air horn, maybe grab that as well.

• 5:48Speaker 05

  What, Vuvuzela? If there's any Vuvuzelas.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  I can feel your stress coming through. I'm a pretty relaxed guy, but a whistle in a room without a door that shuts.

• 5:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:00Speaker 05

  He's gonna have to go and be the bad guy. I'd say though, if I was staying in Josh Widdicombe's house as a friend and he had to do a podcast for an hour, I'd go, right, let me take the kids up and back. Fucking, here it comes.

• 6:13Speaker 05

  There you go.

• 6:15Speaker 06

  Good chance to get my tea actually, I just left it out of hand. Look, Rob, it's all, it's all grammable content.

• 6:22Speaker 05

  Especially after your hatred of inefficiency.

• 6:25Speaker 06

  My hatred of inefficiency? We still haven't read this email out because we're so inefficient.

• 6:29Speaker 05

  So there are still people and kids talking about, what's the plan? Okay, I like, let's listen to this. I like it when Josh is assertive.

• 6:40Speaker 06

  Can we shut that door? Thank you.

• 6:42Speaker 05

  He's too polite. I go, look, I think you're, you're so polite, chill, Josh.

• 6:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 05

  I'd go, look, that's, the hallway's a fucking disgrace of a place to play. Get in the garden now.

• 6:54Speaker 06

  They weren't playing, they were, they were leading a one-year-old down the stairs, so it's difficult to go.

• 7:00Speaker 05

  All right, okay, yeah, yeah, can you, yeah, yeah. Why don't you fucking pick up the kid? Except I can't walk yet and get out my way. I'm about to broadcast.

• 7:09Speaker 06

  I'm about to broadcast to the nation. And by the nation, I mean.

• 7:12Speaker 05

  EMEA.

• 7:13Speaker 06

  England, Qatar and, and Chad.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  Huge in Chad.

• 7:22Speaker 06

  We're huge in Chad.

• 7:25Speaker 06

  Here is a clip of my adorable two-year-old Bella attempting to say your name. She hasn't fully got the hang of syllables yet, but she's doing great with simple words. Keep being great. Lots of love, shares from Dunstable, Bedfordshire.

• 7:36Speaker 05

  That's what my mom says about me.

• 7:37Speaker 06

  How are you?

• 7:38Speaker 05

  I'm good. I drove back from Germany yesterday.

• 7:41Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah? How was Germany?

• 7:43Speaker 05

  Well, it was good.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Very hot.

• 7:46Speaker 05

  But we went to, we went on a little road trip, didn't we? So I'm back in London slash Kent. You're, well, away on holiday and you're back soon.

• 7:57Speaker 06

  So how was Germany?

• 7:58Speaker 05

  Germany was good, but it was a heatwave. It was 36 degrees, Josh, in a theme park.

• 8:02Speaker 06

  Of course you went to a theme park. Fucking hell, you can find a theme park anywhere. If you drop the beckett's on the moon, you'd find a fucking theme park.

• 8:12Speaker 06

  If you drop the beckett's in the middle of the fucking, you know, Sahara Desert where we're huge as a podcast.

• 8:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, right in the slap bang in the middle of Chad, yeah.

• 8:21Speaker 06

  Yeah. Then you would find a theme park. You can't, you can't escape a theme park, Rob. You're not even into theme parks.

• 8:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, I would do, I would have Googled theme park in Chad. Why not? Why not? Why not a theme park in Chad? Probably be cooler than it was in Germany. No, there isn't actually.

• 8:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's why Lou's not got it on our list.

• 8:40Speaker 05

  No. There we go. No theme park in Chad, but they do have elephants.

• 8:45Speaker 06

  They do have elephants?

• 8:47Speaker 05

  So then go and slide down the trunk, mate.

• 8:48Speaker 06

  Does that count as a ride?

• 8:50Speaker 05

  It depends what you do with him.

• 8:52Speaker 06

  Do you know what? If I was in Germany and it was a heatwave.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 06

  And someone said, shall we go to a theme park?

• 8:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:58Speaker 06

  I, I might punch them.

• 9:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know, but you don't like the heat or theme parks, do you? Let me try and work out what's good.

• 9:05Speaker 06

  Rob, Rob. I'll let you into a little secret.

• 9:08Speaker 05

  Go on.

• 9:09Speaker 06

  Neither do you.

• 9:10Speaker 05

  No, I do. I don't, I don't. I don't like 36 degrees. Also, Josh, it was so.

• 9:17Speaker 05

  People sweating, right? I'll talk about what we did, but this, I've got to tell you this, right? I get, people get BO, right? And when it's hot and you're at a theme park, you're sweating a lot, you get BO. I think I experienced the most intense BO I've ever experienced in my life. I walked past a man in the queue, right? And he went to the front of a runaway train to sit down with his family. He stunk a BO.

• 9:38Speaker 06

  Right.

• 9:38Speaker 05

  And I was like, that's, that's lively. I sat at the back of the train.

• 9:44Speaker 05

  As the roller coaster went down, I could smell him.

• 9:46Speaker 06

  Oh my gosh.

• 9:47Speaker 05

  It travelled through the air, through the train to the backseat where I could smell the man.

• 9:51Speaker 06

  It travelled, it just stayed, didn't it?

• 9:53Speaker 05

  It stayed, it hung in the air. It was like Michael Jordan, just hung there.

• 9:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:57Speaker 05

  Jump man. And I caught it on the back row.

• 10:01Speaker 06

  Oh my word.

• 10:01Speaker 05

  But no, so we went to, we had a little family holiday. We left on Friday morning last week. We drove to Le Shuttle in Folkestone.

• 10:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 05

  Got on a train that took half an hour to get to France, which is mental.

• 10:16Speaker 06

  It's so good, isn't it?

• 10:17Speaker 05

  Great.

• 10:18Speaker 06

  I love the Euro star.

• 10:20Speaker 05

  I had a shit on the train and the other people we were with thought that was insane.

• 10:23Speaker 06

  Why, why, why do they think that?

• 10:25Speaker 05

  Well, it was horrible toilets, you're only on it half an hour. And I was on a train going underwater and I had a shit, but I was desperate.

• 10:32Speaker 06

  I think that's fine.

• 10:34Speaker 05

  I think it's fine, isn't it?

• 10:34Speaker 06

  Josh Pugh did a very, Josh Pugh's so funny.

• 10:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:38Speaker 06

  I think he's, I think Josh Pugh's one of the great chroniclers of modern British life. There you go, I'm gonna say it.

• 10:44Speaker 05

  Okay. And how's this right to me? Oh, someone's walked into the room.

• 10:47Speaker 06

  What are you doing?

• 10:48Speaker 05

  Oh, hello. There's a child here. I'd say you're, is that, was that one of your children?

• 10:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:54Speaker 05

  Very different energy to you. He burst straight in, door wide open, bowled in, picked something up.

• 11:02Speaker 06

  Well, he is five.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  Didn't even look at him and walked out with the door open still.

• 11:05Speaker 06

  Five year olds, very unlikely to go, excuse me, could I just, I, I know you're doing a podcast, but um, can I just grab your phone because I want to look at Lego on it?

• 11:16Speaker 05

  My pen pal in Senegal's been talking about it.

• 11:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 05

  And what did he get? What did he grab?

• 11:23Speaker 06

  Uh, my phone, because he's obsessed with looking at, at different Lego sets on the Lego website.

• 11:27Speaker 05

  Oh, so go and get dad's phone for the Lego, fair enough.

• 11:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, so um.

• 11:32Speaker 05

  What did Josh Pew do?

• 11:32Speaker 06

  Josh Pew, he did a video of men on holiday, um, and it was just a guy trying to involve people in a talk about whether they'd had a shit yet on holiday.

• 11:44Speaker 05

  Well, it does, it impacts you differently at time zones as well.

• 11:48Speaker 06

  He's the great chronicle of modern life. His observations on what, what people do are just up there with Alan Bennett and Rob Beckett.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  Wow, what, what a compliment to Alan Bennett and Josh Pew.

• 12:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:06Speaker 05

  Anyway, so, but it coincided with my normal go time, which I'm pretty regular with, and it was on the train. I thought I've got half hour to kill while I'm not trying, because I've got a long drive.

• 12:14Speaker 06

  Have a normal, I find people that have a normal go time absolutely wild.

• 12:18Speaker 05

  Really? Where are you going then?

• 12:19Speaker 06

  Just when the mood takes, oh, I had another one of my.

• 12:22Speaker 05

  When the mood takes you? That's no way to live. No wonder you're stressed. You could have a shit at any moment.

• 12:28Speaker 06

  Well, no, I'm able to hold it.

• 12:30Speaker 05

  Every morning after I've had a coffee, sort of about eight ish, I'm, I'm banging one out.

• 12:34Speaker 06

  But I don't drink coffee.

• 12:35Speaker 05

  Right, it's the decaf, so you're just, you're sort of right.

• 12:37Speaker 06

  I had one, Rob, I had another one of mine.

• 12:39Speaker 05

  You're like a free flowing midfielder. You're Steven Mannerman. You can, you can deposit anywhere.

• 12:44Speaker 06

  Rob, enjoy it on this pod. There'll be no more football chat on this pod coming soon. It's going to be banned.

• 12:53Speaker 05

  Sorry, go on. So what was you saying about your toilet time?

• 12:56Speaker 06

  Um, I had another one of my, uh, jogging and then needed a shit situations the other day.

• 13:05Speaker 06

  Awful. It's just terrible.

• 13:07Speaker 05

  It's, I, I, I can't live, I'd rather have a regular pull on a train than just be running and it just.

• 13:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't, I don't have a problem with you going on a train. I'm surprised you didn't, surprised the law of averages, you haven't been on a roller coaster, to be honest. You spend so much time on them.

• 13:19Speaker 05

  I nearly did on the first one. I'll tell you about that, don't you?

• 13:25Speaker 06

  Anyway.

• 13:26Speaker 05

  Where were you?

• 13:27Speaker 06

  You, you were on the Eurostar.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  No, you were running and having a shit. I want to talk about this.

• 13:30Speaker 06

  Oh no, I was just saying that as an aside. I was, I was on a cliff top in Cornwall, running along coastal path and I thought, this timing's not ideal. I'm a good mile and a half, two miles from home.

• 13:43Speaker 05

  And what did you do?

• 13:44Speaker 06

  I just lost a lot of pace because you can't go at, you can't spread your legs and.

• 13:49Speaker 05

  And really go, so, but you didn't just find a bush?

• 13:52Speaker 06

  No.

• 13:53Speaker 05

  No.

• 13:54Speaker 06

  I don't think I'd ever shit in a bush, whatever the situation.

• 13:56Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, you have to sometimes.

• 13:58Speaker 06

  I think I'd, no, I think I'd rather just shit myself than.

• 14:02Speaker 05

  Shit in a bush.

• 14:02Speaker 06

  Because at least then you're the victim, but if you go in a bush, that's your own decision.

• 14:07Speaker 05

  You can't shit yourself, not with the pants you wear. It's too much. It's, it's, there's no, there's no, like, you can in a pair of like tight boxes because at least it secures it. Yours is all over. It's like.

• 14:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 05

  Anyway, this is disgusting. So anyway, what are we talking about?

• 14:21Speaker 06

  You're on the Eurostar.

• 14:22Speaker 05

  On the Eurostar and then we, um, no, we weren't the Eurostar. It's something, it's called something, I don't know what it's called.

• 14:27Speaker 06

  Whatever it is.

• 14:28Speaker 05

  The shuttle, the tunnel, you do a tunnel. Um, then we drove to Reims, Rems?

• 14:33Speaker 06

  Yeah. Have they got a theme park that you could pop into?

• 14:35Speaker 05

  It's the Champagne region, so we went on, um, a champagne tour.

• 14:40Speaker 06

  Did the kids enjoy that?

• 14:41Speaker 05

  Do you know what they actually did? Because that one, because basically all the different champagne houses have little places where you can buy it and sit there and drink. So we went to Verve Cleo, which is quite a pretty little garden, some drinks.

• 14:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:51Speaker 05

  Then we tried to walk to Tatinga, but it was thirty two degrees. The kids weren't in the right footwear. They had a meltdown. At one point, also, my daughter had put on like a jumpsuit thing, which was lovely and flowing.

• 15:00Speaker 06

  What footwear were they in? Stilettos?

• 15:03Speaker 05

  Crocs.

• 15:03Speaker 06

  Oh, right, Crocs.

• 15:04Speaker 05

  But no socks and Crocs, which is not ideal for walking. You needed like trainers and she was in like this bodysuit, but it was lovely, but too, way too, um, bit too hot. She needed shorts or a t-shirt or a vest or something. So in the end, she was, I'm too hot. We went past a shop and my mate went, there's all shorts in there. We go in there. This man didn't speak a word of English. And we start picking up shorts and then we suddenly realised it's basically a triathlon shop, selling like high end a hundred euros shorts for people that are competing in cycling, swimming and running. Not really the ideal short wear for a ten year old girl that's too hot.

• 15:43Speaker 05

  But then I was sort of in there committing, she's like, these ones are like that one. And like, he's holding up like sizing and like, I'm not buying a pair of like a cycling shorts.

• 15:53Speaker 05

  So we abandoned that. They get too hot. But we went to the Pommerie and the Pommerie is like, Louise, I think she's called Louise, actually. She, it was started by two.

• 16:01Speaker 06

  Your wife?

• 16:02Speaker 05

  No, it weren't Lou. She did start.

• 16:04Speaker 06

  I think she's called Louise, this woman that keeps coming on holiday with it.

• 16:07Speaker 05

  She's always there, making me go on rides.

• 16:12Speaker 05

  No, but, um, she basically was a female trailblazer in champagne and.

• 16:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 05

  Where they've got in this.

• 16:19Speaker 06

  Still sounds like the same Louise, so we're right.

• 16:20Speaker 05

  They built these, this like cellar for the, to keep the champagne, which really, it's really cool. So the kids were sweating red off and like.

• 16:28Speaker 06

  Oh, nice.

• 16:29Speaker 05

  Like sweating out. We get down these steps where you go to this really, but it's like the guide's got a coat on. It's thirty five degrees outside. I'm like, why is the guy got a coat on? I'm dying of heat here. We start walking down the stairs and then I just say to Lou, I was like, they're going to complain about being cold in a minute.

• 16:48Speaker 05

  They've been crying because of the heat. As soon as we get to the bottom, one goes, I'm cold. But basically, because it's a bit dark and scary, this Louise Pommerie, she, um, bought loads of art and it's like an art gallery down there because she wanted to make it less scary for visitors and people working there. So it's all like art installations that are really cool. And you also get a tour of how champagne's made and all that. So it's actually quite interesting. And it's quite a good one for kids because the other ones are more adults. This one was good for kids. So it's quite a good stop off on the way down. So we did that. Um, then we, so that was about two and a half hours, three hours, stayed there the night. Then it was another three, three and a half hours to Germany.

• 17:29Speaker 05

  And we stayed at a place called Europa Park. So you know, I did that, I don't know if you did, that film where I played a parrot in the Grand Prix of Europe.

• 17:36Speaker 06

  Can I be honest?

• 17:37Speaker 05

  Go on.

• 17:38Speaker 06

  You, I don't know whether this is a prank. I don't know whether you're taking the piss.

• 17:42Speaker 05

  So, uh, I actually feel a bit offended because I'm, I'm, I'm across your art and your output, actually. Um, and you're not really, I know you're doing strictly and you're telling me you don't know I played a parrot commentator of the Grand Prix of Europe film that hits cinema as a computer game.

• 17:58Speaker 06

  An embarrassing strick, I had an embarrassing moment with not people in strictly yesterday.

• 18:03Speaker 05

  Go on, what happened?

• 18:05Speaker 06

  So I was talking to a, um, a workman, right?

• 18:09Speaker 05

  So what was you doing strictly yesterday? Like working on strictly? I thought it was on holiday.

• 18:13Speaker 06

  And he was like, um, I tell you what.

• 18:15Speaker 05

  You've got a workman in Cornwall as well, again.

• 18:17Speaker 06

  We're having, um, there's, the village has Christmas lights up.

• 18:22Speaker 05

  Right, okay.

• 18:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, the whole village. So I was like, I want to be involved in that. Bit of fun, isn't it? I want to be involved in that. They came around to put the Christmas lights up. To measure up, to measure up, you know, to go.

• 18:34Speaker 05

  Right, so that your house has got it.

• 18:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, because I want to be involved. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course you do. You love the attention.

• 18:39Speaker 06

  Because he said, oh, we're putting them up on, uh, December, the first Saturday of December or whatever.

• 18:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:47Speaker 06

  And he said, I said, oh, I can't do Saturdays and all because I'm working.

• 18:53Speaker 05

  Hang on, can't do Saturdays as if you're going to be there on the ladder. Like surely you go.

• 18:58Speaker 06

  He said, oh, do you want to come down and, you know, be a part of?

• 19:01Speaker 05

  Got you. Got you. Fair enough. I stand corrected. Jumped all over you there, didn't I?

• 19:06Speaker 06

  No, that's fine. That's fine. That's what this podcast is. That's why we're, that's why we're so big in Algeria. But, um.

• 19:13Speaker 05

  Let's not forget Bahrain.

• 19:14Speaker 06

  Let's not forget Bahrain.

• 19:16Speaker 05

  I think we're really hammering the A of the EMEA. Let's not forget the E.

• 19:19Speaker 06

  Bahrain's ME, isn't it?

• 19:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, but you said Algeria, which is A.

• 19:23Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry.

• 19:24Speaker 05

  Don't get me wrong, I love Africa. I've visited. Let's not forget ME.

• 19:29Speaker 06

  Let's not forget ME.

• 19:30Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 19:30Speaker 06

  No, so I said, I'm working, I can't do Saturday, that's Saturday. And then he, he asked again and I was like, oh no, I can't do Saturdays because I'm doing strictly. And then he went, oh yeah, but you'll probably be out by then, won't you?

• 19:51Speaker 05

  Well, unless he knows you're the host and he's not very confident. So, so I've, I had a realisation the other day when I was, I was worried about something and it was quite small. I just realised every problem that I have, someone else has had that problem and solved it.

• 20:10Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 20:11Speaker 05

  Every problem that's ever been has been solved by, at some way. So, so for example, so going from small things to big things, right? So.

• 20:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:19Speaker 05

  When I'm driving back through Europe.

• 20:20Speaker 06

  Or they haven't solved it, or they've just had to deal with it.

• 20:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, most things are like, apart, yeah, most day to day problems. If something's happened, there's a way around.

• 20:28Speaker 06

  Medical ones, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:30Speaker 05

  Well, no, you're, you're, you're, you're going too deep in this minutia.

• 20:33Speaker 06

  Oh, okay, sorry.

• 20:34Speaker 05

  What I'm saying is day to day things of, oh, I've got this coming up. I've got that or a big work event that you're worried about, you're out of your depth.

• 20:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:40Speaker 05

  Everyone's felt that or gone through that at some point through history and there's been some sort of resolution where they've either solved it or it's passed and it's been fine. And I find that if, if I slow down, I'll find that solution quicker than I will if my brain goes into overdrive. So sometimes my brain goes, right, let me solve it, solve it, solve it. When actually go, no, shut up a bit. Just go quiet, just go empty.

• 21:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:05Speaker 05

  Because the slower you are, the easier it is to solve that problem. So for example, driving back from Europe, loads, you know, you get all the screen, all the bugs on the screens of the windscreen. It's really annoying. I couldn't really see it and the windscreen armpits weren't really doing it. And I've got.

• 21:18Speaker 06

  Like the autobahn.

• 21:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I was so in my head going, oh, I should have, I should have, um, brought something to wipe that with and I should, you know, and started actually beating myself up over it because I've not prepared or whatever. And then I got to the petrol station and I was just like, no, just relax, start breathing. Got to petrol station, put the petrol in and I saw it was a bucket with a squeezy mop thing, like a window cleaning thing. I was like, of course that's it. Because every single person on, that's done this drive has had that problem and there's a solution nearby.

• 21:43Speaker 06

  God provides. God or Esso provides.

• 21:47Speaker 05

  Well, no, just other people that have solved it at some point recently and gone, do you know what? It'd be quite handy to have that because most people have got a dirty windscreen. Rather than me beat myself up in my own head for not being prepared enough, not doing that. What's that?

• 21:59Speaker 06

  Well, then you beat yourself off in your own head.

• 22:01Speaker 05

  Well, no, beat myself up, not beat, I beat myself off in my own head.

• 22:04Speaker 06

  Oh, Michael, Michael, you heard it, didn't you?

• 22:07Speaker 05

  Well, apparently you said apology really weird and got through the cracks, which I don't know, did you hear that, Michael, when you edited? He owes an apology. He was doing a callback to. An earlier mispronunciation. It was quite a funny joke, but. Ah, we missed it. Sorry.

• 22:23Speaker 06

  So we lost the earlier joke?

• 22:24Speaker 05

  No, no, they were both there. I think there was just a bit of a gap and in the room it wasn't. I didn't pick up on your great joke. I need to apologize for that.

• 22:33Speaker 06

  Story of my bloody life.

• 22:35Speaker 05

  I know, but don't beat yourself off over it.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  This episode is brought to you by Tesco Mobile. Josh, how are you with the kids slang?

• 22:47Speaker 06

  Oh, mate, I try. I'll be honest, I try, but they might as well be speaking a different language. I don't know what she ate means and I do worry about it. And when you hear something like, oh, he cooked. Well, I presume, you know, was it on an induction hob? That's what I'm thinking.

• 23:04Speaker 05

  We can't be alone though, Josh. Loads of parents out there feel like they can't understand half of the words their kids use. The thing is, that can also mean a lot of us don't always understand what's going on in our kids' online lives.

• 23:17Speaker 06

  Exactly. It might not always feel easy, but sitting down with the kids and asking them what something like Riz means can open up important conversations about their online lives, Rob. Those chats help us keep up as parents, which helps us keep them safe online.

• 23:31Speaker 05

  So if you're feeling stuck about having the online safety chat, visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub, where they have plenty of tips and resources for keeping you and your family safe online.

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• 23:49Speaker 01

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• 24:00Speaker 01

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  Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy.

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• 24:13Speaker 04

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• 24:45Speaker 05

  So, yeah, don't, the parrot, I played a parrot in that film.

• 24:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  Didn't know about, the film was based on the Europa Park, which is a big, one of the biggest theme parks in Europe. And I went, I didn't realise it was there, looked into it, found out it's got loads of good rides, loads of good theming. Because the people that own that park make roller coasters for all around the world. So they done like the Slinky Dog in Orlando, they'd done Hyperia at Fort Park. Anyway.

• 25:11Speaker 06

  You might, you might as well be talking another language.

• 25:13Speaker 05

  Okay, cool. So anyway, we went there and it was, it was really good. So it's quite a fun trip to go down there, loads of good rides.

• 25:21Speaker 06

  Can I just fact check something?

• 25:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, go on.

• 25:24Speaker 06

  You said you looked into it, you found out there was good rides, you found it.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:28Speaker 06

  Was it you that organised this?

• 25:31Speaker 05

  Yes. So what happened was, when I did the film that you love and you've watched and you played the Nintendo Switch game. I, yeah, and it's available on PS5 and Xbox, no, no biggie, whatever. So it's just, you know, just a film star guy doing, doing films and stuff.

• 25:48Speaker 06

  Did you get to voice the computer game?

• 25:50Speaker 05

  No, I actually didn't think about that. But yeah, no, I didn't. Unless they took it, I've not played it. I don't do the voice in Germany though. I did just do the English voice. So my German's not quite.

• 26:00Speaker 06

  I wish you had done the voice in Germany.

• 26:02Speaker 05

  So they told me about this park. I looked into it and this is basically, I emailed and I emailed the guy who produced the film and said, we're going to come down and stuff. And they, to be fair, I said, can I come down? And I couldn't understand the website because it's mainly based at Germans and French. Because there wasn't one English person there. I saw one English family in four days and it was really chilled. No, it was a mirror. We walked past the mirror. So it's just, and I thought the rides were going to be really good, but the theming's really good as well. So if you like that kind of thing, you want to travel around, I would massively recommend it. It's got loads of good stuff for little kids. And big, big roller coasters as well. So we went there and we stayed there and I emailed them and they went, and they, to be fair,

• 26:45Speaker 05

  I was going to pay for it anyway, but they said, we can host you and give you some tickets.

• 26:50Speaker 06

  There we go. Love it.

• 26:50Speaker 05

  If you do a social media post. So I did, there's a video of me on a roller coaster coming out. But I did really enjoy it either way. So I'm not, I just want to be honest that they sent me out some tickets. But the, the good thing is, the longest you have to wait for a ride is about 40 minutes.

• 27:06Speaker 06

  It's still a long time, isn't it? 40 minutes. It's almost, if, if England were 1-0 up and you said, we've got to hold on 40 minutes, you'd go, we're fucked.

• 27:18Speaker 05

  That's what we did, isn't it?

• 27:19Speaker 06

  Well, once. Second time out.

• 27:22Speaker 05

  But, yeah, but Josh, when you go, if you haven't got a fast pass, if you go to somewhere like America, it's sometimes two and a half, two hours.

• 27:29Speaker 06

  I know, it blows my mind, Rob.

• 27:31Speaker 05

  But do your kids, when you, are you going to do a theme park for your kids? Are you just going to try and swerve it?

• 27:35Speaker 06

  They're just not interested. I'm not trying to swerve it. They just never ask. They're just not.

• 27:39Speaker 05

  Right. If they really wanted to, how would you approach it, do you think? Would you just try and get it over and done with? Or would you try and lean into enjoying it?

• 27:46Speaker 06

  No, I do. I mean, I do lots of things with my kids that I wouldn't do normally. So.

• 27:52Speaker 05

  Like what?

• 27:53Speaker 06

  I wouldn't, I wouldn't go to horse riding normally, but I really enjoy that.

• 27:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, but you're not doing it. You're just watching them do it.

• 27:59Speaker 06

  No. Oh, I'd be happily go on the rides. I always go on the rides when I go to theme parks.

• 28:03Speaker 05

  I thought you didn't like theme parks?

• 28:04Speaker 06

  I don't, but when I've been to theme parks, I'm not a, I'm not a ride dodger.

• 28:11Speaker 05

  And you do, you've done the big one. I saw you do the big one with Alex Brooker, didn't you? And you did the one and a half.

• 28:15Speaker 06

  I'd already done the big one, actually. I've done the big one twice. The big two.

• 28:19Speaker 05

  Stand corrected. But, yeah, but I would, anyway, I massively recommend the Europa Park. It's really good.

• 28:25Speaker 06

  How far was your drive and how did you keep the excitement going?

• 28:29Speaker 05

  So to be fair, the kids, they don't normally have iPads in the car. So I bought a little, Lou bought it actually, a little like metal plastic thing that connects to the headrest and then you can open it and put the iPad in.

• 28:39Speaker 06

  It's like a TV screen.

• 28:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, they just watched that non-stop like, because they just, they were good as gold because a bit older. But on the drive back, we drove straight from Germany, left at 7.30 in the morning. And it was six and a half hours to Calais. We did three pit stops, then it was a tunnel, then another hour.

• 28:57Speaker 06

  You sharing the driving?

• 28:59Speaker 05

  No, I did all of it. Lou offered, but by the time I got to Fokse, I was like, no, I want to do this. And I was so tired last night. It was a mess.

• 29:07Speaker 06

  Oh my God, Rob.

• 29:09Speaker 05

  It was absolutely, so it was, yeah, six and a, or seven hours with stops. And then we had to hang around waiting for the train, the shuttle, then another hour. So eight hours of driving, about 10 hours in total from start to finish.

• 29:21Speaker 06

  Oh my word. Fair play, Rob.

• 29:23Speaker 05

  And I slept for nine hours last night. Also, I was getting, I got, see what I'm saying? Of all these things you can do, like mindfulness, breathing, or, you know, all these things people try and do to calm down their anxiety or stress.

• 29:36Speaker 06

  Beat yourself off in your mind.

• 29:37Speaker 05

  Beat yourself off in your mind, going 80 down the autobahn. I, oh, this is annoying, right? So in France, it's like 80 miles an hour, 130 kilometres an hour is the speed limit. Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 05

  So I'm doing that. So Germany, do what you want on the motorways. Anyway. I come off because there's a, there's an accident. So we have to go through these little villages, these mad little German villages, right? Driving along, I'm doing 22 kilometres an hour, which is fucking.

• 30:03Speaker 06

  15 miles an hour.

• 30:05Speaker 05

  Yeah. This weird metal pole flashes me.

• 30:11Speaker 05

  It's a 20, I get, I get flashed. No, no, no, I wasn't talking about a Polish man in, in, in a suit of armour.

• 30:25Speaker 05

  It's like weird metal pole flashes me. I'm like, what the fuck? And I look, it's a 20 mile an hour limit. I'm doing 20, it's a 20 kilometre an hour limit. I'm doing 22. I've just done 100 on the autobahn.

• 30:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, of course.

• 30:37Speaker 05

  I'm going to get, I've got a ticket. I've got a ticket for going one miles.

• 30:40Speaker 06

  Oh, mate. And how does that work with a ticket in Germany?

• 30:45Speaker 05

  Well, I think it gets sent here and no points, but you get fined.

• 30:49Speaker 06

  Nilpoor.

• 30:50Speaker 05

  Nilpoor. Classic bit of Nilpoor from the, from the Europeans. But that annoyed me because I was like, I've done all this driving.

• 30:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  Oh, German dodgems, by the way. We're one of these dodgems, yeah. So.

• 31:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're any speed.

• 31:05Speaker 05

  If you're going on dodgems, right, with kids.

• 31:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:09Speaker 05

  What, and you're on your own car and your eight-year-old, seven-year-old's going around. Talk me through, how are you dealing with that?

• 31:15Speaker 06

  I don't enjoy dod, enjoy dodgems.

• 31:18Speaker 05

  No.

• 31:18Speaker 06

  I don't enjoy dodgems. I think they're unpleasant, but it's the lack of control. And I approach dodgems in a, we all kind of go clockwise here or anti.

• 31:31Speaker 05

  Yeah. I try to, I'm constantly.

• 31:34Speaker 06

  And then there's always an absolute wanker that's like trying to, trying to get you.

• 31:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:40Speaker 06

  Have you ever?

• 31:42Speaker 05

  Go on, sorry.

• 31:43Speaker 06

  I, where you like fall into sync with someone and you just keep hitting them. And then it's like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, when you fall in sync with someone and you go to the toilet at the same time as them in the pub? I think P K has got a routine about that.

• 31:56Speaker 05

  I've broken this, breaking the seal was a big topic of conversation in my drinking days. People would be proud that they haven't broken the seal, just have a massive belly of piss.

• 32:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't know what the advantage that was because you just sit there needing a piss.

• 32:09Speaker 05

  No, but I think if you, if you, if you went, I would like to know the science in this because I think that.

• 32:13Speaker 06

  I don't think it's the real thing.

• 32:15Speaker 05

  As soon as you go, you'll need to do more. Whereas if you're holding, you can just do one big piss.

• 32:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, but what I always found blew my mind is, right? So the, the theory is if you go, then you're going to need a piss again. Yeah.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:27Speaker 06

  But if you don't go, you still need a piss.

• 32:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, but you'd only keep getting up. You'd rather sit down needing a piss than constantly going to and from the toilet.

• 32:35Speaker 06

  I'd rather not need a piss.

• 32:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I think this was from when we used to drinking Wetherspoons and the toilets were always three miles away.

• 32:41Speaker 06

  Right, right, right, right.

• 32:42Speaker 05

  Maybe that was what it was.

• 32:44Speaker 06

  I, maybe my friends weren't good enough conversation. I'd quite happily have just gone to the toilets and had a piss.

• 32:50Speaker 05

  Michael, can you look up the science of this? Um, and we'll come back to it later on.

• 32:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'd like to come back to that. So I, I never, I always thought, I don't think this is a real thing, this breaking the seal thing. Also, you know me, Rob, I quite like a break from socialising. So the piss was quite a joy.

• 33:06Speaker 05

  A little bit of moment of to yourself.

• 33:09Speaker 06

  Yeah. And that was in the days, did you ever go in the Wetherspoons where they'd have the, the, the newspaper framed above the urinal? In the exit of Wetherspoons, it would have a frame.

• 33:18Speaker 05

  Of today's newspaper?

• 33:20Speaker 06

  Of today's newspaper, front page, back page above the urinal. So it's quite pleasant, actually. Yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 05

  So yeah, at least two visits, you'll get front and back.

• 33:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:30Speaker 04

  Do you want, do you want the science?

• 33:32Speaker 06

  I don't believe there's science, Michael, hit me.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  Breaking the seal is a myth. There is no physical valve or barrier in your body that opens when you first pee. Instead, the urge to use the bathroom more often as the night goes on happens because alcohol stops your brain from making vasopressin, a hormone that tells your kidneys to save water.

• 33:50Speaker 05

  Oh, so you just keep, you keep, so you're not breaking serious, basically eventually your, your brain will stop producing that and you just piss all the time.

• 33:56Speaker 06

  There's something about drinking 10 pints that makes you want to go to the toilet all the time, it turns out.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  It's mental, isn't it? I, I'll, I'll have a couple of beers now, but like the 10 pint, I went out at 15 pints one night. That's like insane.

• 34:08Speaker 06

  When I went to Paris with you, Rob and Tom.

• 34:11Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 34:12Speaker 06

  You had quite a boozy night first night. I was quite impressed. I was living vicariously through you.

• 34:18Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, and that, that is one of the problems with the Rob and Ramesh suits, shoots is it's all quite stressful and high pressure stuff that you have to do at points with like learning a new skill, feeling quite vulnerable.

• 34:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:31Speaker 05

  Wearing a stupid outfit and then a big event at the end that you're, you know, this can be quite humiliating. I definitely drink more on those shoots than I do in my normal life.

• 34:40Speaker 06

  Ah.

• 34:41Speaker 05

  Um, a bit like, it's like the crazy gang.

• 34:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:46Speaker 05

  Wimbledon in the nineties.

• 34:47Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 34:48Speaker 05

  Anyway, we're talking about dodgems, because anyway, dodgems, they'll, I'm evasive. I'll try and swerve out the way of people because I don't want to bump into them. And I don't, I'm heavy. I don't want to accidentally hit a kid. So if a kid comes towards me, I'll try and, I'm almost playing cat and mouse and I'm running away. There was this woman, 40 year old German woman, just aiming at my children and all, all children, not even the adults, just like full pelt forced in her head.

• 35:12Speaker 06

  I know. It's, you always get that.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  Is that just a German thing? I've, I've never experienced that in the UK.

• 35:16Speaker 06

  No, you get it in the UK. You get these absolute nobeds that think the point of the dodgems is to like hit into it.

• 35:24Speaker 05

  Give people whiplash.

• 35:25Speaker 06

  It is. Do you know what I mean? Arguably, we're, I hate to say it, a couple of fucking pussies. Do you know?

• 35:31Speaker 05

  But I'm, I'm, do you know what? I'm a big puss puss. What can I say?

• 35:34Speaker 06

  Oh, do you know what? I'm quite, I hate the dodgems. It hurts. It kind of, you get whacked around. It go, the feet. I just halfway through, I'm thinking, this has to end. This, someone stop this now. This is unpleasant.

• 35:51Speaker 05

  What, the podcast?

• 35:52Speaker 06

  No, the dodgems.

• 35:54Speaker 05

  The dodgems. All right, okay. I think you've gone into a tangent about this.

• 35:57Speaker 06

  No, this has not to end.

• 36:00Speaker 05

  I am, oh, this is funny. So the kids went to a bit of a summer camp thing and made friends. These, they both made friends with this kid, or two separate kids. And then they were like, oh, can I have a playdate with them? Can I have a playdate with them? Yeah, no worries. And then like in a bit of the a pick up, I was like, well, show me them. And then we're like hunting through the crowd to find the kid and then the parent. Because obviously my kids don't know what the kids' parents look like. So you're trying to find the kid, then go, oh, is that your mum or dad? Anyway, so the kids' friends that they made friends have both got the same name.

• 36:31Speaker 06

  Are they, they're not siblings, obviously not siblings.

• 36:32Speaker 05

  Obviously not siblings, but like they've both got the same, so I'm not going to say names. It's not fair, but like, basically like they've made a friend called Josh and another friend called Josh.

• 36:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:39Speaker 05

  No, no Josh.

• 36:40Speaker 06

  What I like is our out of the box thinking is that we, we both needed a name. Both looked at the face in front of us.

• 36:52Speaker 06

  Pathetic. Shit broadcasting. Shit broadcasting.

• 36:56Speaker 05

  I've got these two kids. They're both called Shania.

• 36:59Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 37:00Speaker 05

  So I've gone up and said, oh, um, I think they've made friends, let's do a playdate at some point. The parents are like, yeah, yeah, you know, we swapped numbers, right? So now I've got in my phone, Shania's mum, Shania's mum.

• 37:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, of course.

• 37:13Speaker 05

  So I don't know which kids come in. If, if I organise a playdate, I don't know which kids, friends are which.

• 37:19Speaker 06

  Uh, have you tried, these are the, this is the first option.

• 37:23Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 37:24Speaker 06

  The, um, the WhatsApp picture.

• 37:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, but it's obviously of the mum, not the kid.

• 37:29Speaker 06

  Well, some, a lot of people have their WhatsApp kid, have their kids as their WhatsApp picture, don't they?

• 37:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I think, and I've only got one number. I think I gave a number.

• 37:38Speaker 06

  Oh, right.

• 37:39Speaker 05

  I mean, if you are listening or, and, and our kids got on at that camp, please text me to remind me because I couldn't sort it out.

• 37:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:51Speaker 05

  So today we're talking about our school days. Do you still remember those, Josh?

• 37:55Speaker 06

  Professionally, Rob, it's how, how I make most of my money being nostalgic about those days.

• 37:59Speaker 05

  You're the king of nostalgia. You're the king of nostalgia. Talk me through Joshua, um, school gates shoes.

• 38:05Speaker 06

  I, I was a follower, not, I was not a leader, Rob. I was a follower. What's everyone else wearing? Let's get that. Let's take this variable out of circulation. Let's not make this a point of difference. Done. I've fitted in.

• 38:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, I want, I want shoes that show my personality and my personality is stay under the radar.

• 38:26Speaker 06

  Exactly. My personality is everyone else's person, agreed personality. Thank you very much. You, the opposite, Rob, are you the same?

• 38:34Speaker 05

  I definitely wasn't a sort of a leader in fashion in the school. I would sort of go with what most of the other kids had. So I, I certainly wasn't pushing the needle on shoe fashion.

• 38:44Speaker 06

  Yes, yes. Do you remember what it's like when you've, you've made a fashion change, Rob?

• 38:49Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 38:50Speaker 06

  So you've got a new pair of shoes, you've got a new coat, even got a new haircut, that feeling of going in, oh my, oh mama.

• 38:59Speaker 05

  There's so many issues with the uniform. If there's one thing on you that you like, like the shoes, it can help.

• 39:05Speaker 06

  How were you, how were you, Rob? With uniform? Did you adapt your uniform?

• 39:11Speaker 05

  I, I definitely bought shoes with a rounded toe so I could play football in them at lunch.

• 39:17Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:17Speaker 05

  You don't want the sort of square boot because you can't, you can't curl the ball.

• 39:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:22Speaker 05

  You can't put any swag on it. It's just, yeah, just hoping for the best at that point. So I definitely get a train, a shoe that I could wear for football, which my mum got the ump with.

• 39:30Speaker 06

  We weren't allowed our shirts untucked, but we'd have them as loosely tucked as we could.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  And then fully untucked on the walk home.

• 39:38Speaker 06

  Oh, the moment we got on the school bus, I'm untucking this baby.

• 39:43Speaker 05

  There was a lot of people trying to wear black trainers as shoes was the thing at my school.

• 39:47Speaker 06

  Yeah. You weren't getting away with that at South Dartmoor Community College in the mid nineties. I can tell you that. They would come down and you'd like a ton of bricks for that.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  One thing I know about shoes, Josh.

• 39:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 39:58Speaker 05

  Specifically school shoes. If your kid likes the school shoes.

• 40:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:03Speaker 05

  It removes one argument in the morning.

• 40:05Speaker 06

  That is priceless, Rob.

• 40:07Speaker 05

  Hmm. Because otherwise it's a constant argument. Oh, can I wear my trainers today? Or can I wear those ones or these? Like, you've got to get the kids on board with the shoes. Because if they're not, you do not need an argument about shoes not fitting or being uncomfortable or annoying.

• 40:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 05

  They've got, they've got to love them.

• 40:22Speaker 06

  They want to be going, I'm looking forward to putting these shoes on because it makes my feet sing, Rob.

• 40:28Speaker 05

  Best shoe you've ever put on your foot?

• 40:29Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 40:30Speaker 05

  I know mine.

• 40:31Speaker 06

  Go on.

• 40:31Speaker 05

  My wedding shoe. Because it helped me take steps to the greatest part of my life.

• 40:36Speaker 06

  Wow. That is deep. Do you know what else is deep, Rob? The selection of shoe. The, the range they have is incredibly deep.

• 40:45Speaker 05

  Ah, so deep.

• 40:46Speaker 06

  Look, Rob, life probably would have been different for us if we'd had shoe kids. I think we can both agree with that. It's a place for school shoes that lets kids express who they are, feeling they can stand tall in their shoes, which builds confidence for kids. Plus, a pair of shoes they actually want to put on for once makes morning school runs so much easier for parents.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  Find the perfect pair online or visit in-store for a fit in with staff who are pros in the right fit.

• 41:11Speaker 01

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• 41:13Speaker 02

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• 41:19Speaker 01

  The vision returns from the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy. That family wasn't real. You sure about that?

• 41:27Speaker 06

  How is this possible?

• 41:30Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest.

• 41:34Speaker 03

  Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Now streaming on Disney+.

• 41:43Speaker 04

  The action's on the court, and as the official beer sponsor of the NBA, Michelob Ultra is getting fans closer to the game with a chance to win courtside seats, merch, and more. Visit michelobultra.com/courtside to enter. Michelob Ultra Courtside, 26 to 27. No purchase necessary. Open to US residents 21+ begins on October 1st, 2026 and ends on June 30th, 2027. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details.

• 42:11Speaker 05

  Bound fast.

• 42:15Speaker 05

  Oh, have you ever experienced this, Josh? Right, I've got, it's, when I was in France, yeah, at the buffet.

• 42:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 05

  They had scrambled eggs, but buffet, they're disgusting. I can't do scrambled eggs from a buffet. I'll do, I'll do fried ones if you sort of, but I'll wait for a new slot to be put down on the, on the platter. Can't do scrambled eggs at a buffet. Just, it always like they've come out of a packet and just been mixed with water or something. Anyway, I'm a boiled egg guy. You know where you are with a boiled egg. Because you don't know what oil they're doing the other shit in, you don't know how long it's been out. The boiled egg, it's protected by its own natural.

• 42:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, you don't like eggs.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  What taught me through your egg, you don't like eggs? Where are you getting your protein, mate? No wonder you're always on your fucking arse.

• 43:00Speaker 05

  You don't eat eggs? When was the last time you had an egg?

• 43:01Speaker 06

  I don't like the way they move. I don't like the way they move. I've tried, I've tried, I've tried. I don't, I don't really like the smell of eggs.

• 43:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, that, I mean, the smell I'll give you, but then the, the way they move, each egg moves differently. You're telling me a boiled egg's moving the same way as a toast?

• 43:19Speaker 06

  The springiness of an egg. I don't like.

• 43:21Speaker 05

  The springy, it's not the smell, is it? It's the, it's the, it's the texture.

• 43:25Speaker 06

  It's the texture. But then the smell is rancid. I, I often think I wish I liked eggs.

• 43:30Speaker 05

  So you don't eat an egg at a buffet? You won't have an egg at a buffet?

• 43:33Speaker 06

  No, but if I did, it would be boiled. I'd probably go, um, run in the middle. Five-minute egg, six-minute egg.

• 43:38Speaker 05

  Summer holidays, busy, this, this, this hotel's busy, yeah? There is a system where you've got to boil your own egg. Five slots.

• 43:48Speaker 06

  Five slots in a what?

• 43:50Speaker 05

  Boil, so in this weird sort of like metal, like deep, like frying thing, like it looks like filled with water, and then five little spoon handles that you put an egg in, you put it in, and it says like five-minute per oof.

• 44:03Speaker 06

  And you're, you're still smarting from the person that stole your toast.

• 44:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, but also it's families there. People are banging out five, so there's like a queue to boil your own eggs. Surely.

• 44:11Speaker 06

  Forty-minute queue at the fucking breakfast before the forty-minute queue at the rite.

• 44:15Speaker 05

  It's quicker to get on the, I've got a blue fire quicker than this. I've got a wood.

• 44:19Speaker 06

  Come on, guys, I've got, I've got an egg fast pass.

• 44:24Speaker 06

  If they, I get why they want the, not to pre-boil the eggs. I get that.

• 44:29Speaker 05

  No, but just do a load of them. Do twenty eggs and put them on the sign and say these are hard-boiled. And then do another twenty, like, it takes so long to do five individual eggs.

• 44:39Speaker 06

  Or do eggs on request.

• 44:42Speaker 05

  No, it wasn't that hotel, it wasn't that kind of hotel.

• 44:45Speaker 06

  Oh, okay.

• 44:46Speaker 05

  But I, I'm, I'm willing to accept a big bowl of twenty, like, twenty boiled eggs under a heat lamp.

• 44:52Speaker 06

  Tell you what, you're not, you're not going for your, your holiday shit on a train if you've had twenty boiled eggs or.

• 44:57Speaker 05

  Do you know why I eat a lot of eggs? It don't hold me back.

• 45:00Speaker 06

  That's good.

• 45:01Speaker 05

  I've got quite powerful bowels, I think.

• 45:03Speaker 06

  Yeah. You've got, um, fast responder bowels.

• 45:06Speaker 05

  First, first responder.

• 45:09Speaker 06

  First responder.

• 45:10Speaker 05

  I, do you want to hear the best, with me and Lou had a good row in the car. Do you want to hear about this?

• 45:15Speaker 06

  Yes, please. Yeah. How many hours in?

• 45:17Speaker 05

  So this is second day. This is driving from France to Germany, three and a half hours to drive, yeah?

• 45:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, not too bad.

• 45:25Speaker 05

  Lou has got hair extensions that she wants to take out. Now, your options are.

• 45:29Speaker 06

  In the car?

• 45:31Speaker 05

  Hmm. So, right, I went to the shop. So we're in, we're in France. I go to the Carrefour, okay, to get some, some snacks and, and some bread rolls for the kids to take down so you can eat in the car, right?

• 45:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:46Speaker 05

  Look at this. It's, I'm gonna read you. So I say to, message me what you want from the shops. This is what I get. Um, two packs of makeup remover wipes, fair enough. That was for her and her friend. A Coke Zero, baguette, cheese, butter, ham, sweets for me, please, crisps, water, maybe some chocolate for the kids. Yeah.

• 46:05Speaker 06

  Fine.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  Then, fine. Listen to this. Random, but I'm basically ripping out my own hair extension as I run out of time to get them taken out properly, so might try and soften the bonds. If by any chance they have a little pit of coconut oil somewhere and flat pliers to squash the bonds, can you grab that too? Coconut oil, the most important, thank you.

• 46:24Speaker 06

  Flat pliers.

• 46:25Speaker 05

  Have you ever tried to find flat pliers and coconut oil in the Carrefour rooms?

• 46:30Speaker 06

  I haven't, no. If I had, it would be weird. You did?

• 46:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, but like Lou, Lou is, like, it's, anyway. So Lou sat there, basically putting coconut oil on her bonds, whatever that is, to soften it, and then use the pliers to, so basically you can get your own hair extension, that, which is an insane thing to be doing. So we're driving along. We need a wee. And in France, there's these little things you pull in, and it's just, you're just a picnic bench, and there's like metal toilets that you can use, rather than going in the main services. So we're hungry, we need a wee, we're gonna have a wee. And I go, Lou, do you mind making some sandwiches? We've got French dick, butter, ham, and cheese.

• 47:04Speaker 06

  French what?

• 47:06Speaker 05

  French dick.

• 47:09Speaker 05

  Baguette. So she goes, I'll, I'll get out and make them. I'm like, can you just make them in the car? Cause like, we're, we, we, we wanna get going, right? There'll be loads of crumbs. I went, it won't be that many crumbs. Let's just make them in the car. We didn't have a knife. I forgot a knife, because I was too busy on fires. No, but we did have those wooden sticks my daughter put in, um, from, you know, stirring coffee from the room, yeah?

• 47:30Speaker 06

  Oh, right, yeah, yeah.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  To potentially use the butter. Anyway, in, in a, now Lou's gonna have issues with this, and I expect a voice note coming in. Lou decides to make the baguettes on her lap using her finger for the butter, okay? Even though we've got these wooden things. She makes.

• 47:45Speaker 06

  I'm gonna come to Lou's defence here.

• 47:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 47:49Speaker 06

  Those, those thin wooden things are not gonna be good for spreading. It's, it's not gonna give you a good spread. And a finger is more practical. Nature's, nature's button.

• 48:01Speaker 05

  Nature's finger. I, I did say though, can you nick a spoon from the hotel? She didn't nick a spoon from the hotel or a knife.

• 48:06Speaker 06

  Okay, well, I don't think that's on. So that's good on Lou, because she's not a thief.

• 48:11Speaker 05

  So she's making these baguettes, right? No, she makes us some baguettes. Uh, it's actually tasted of hate. I could feel the tension within the sandwich from the finger to the, so anyway, and then she, then, after she's made the sandwiches, we've all got a baguette. She, I'd say spends close to a minute performatively brushing crumbs off her lap.

• 48:31Speaker 06

  Right, okay.

• 48:32Speaker 05

  As if, and in an, so not just a quick, like, brush them on the floor. She's sort of turning around, stood up a little bit to the side, and like, like, like, it's proper,

• 48:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:44Speaker 05

  For a minute, and I'm just ignoring all that. Anyway, and she's, and I'm like, fair enough.

• 48:49Speaker 06

  How's she got the batter off her finger?

• 48:53Speaker 05

  Mouth.

• 48:55Speaker 06

  Mouth.

• 48:56Speaker 05

  Most of it on the bread, then a quick. So, you know, I'm gonna beat myself off in my head. Do you know what I'm saying?

• 49:04Speaker 06

  So she's, she's doing the Lesley Grantham style.

• 49:07Speaker 05

  She's a Lesprey Grantham butterer.

• 49:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, okay.

• 49:13Speaker 05

  So she's got the right up with me, and she's brushing it like that, right? And going, oh my god, she's so messy, so messy and crummy, like that. And then I'm like, all right. And so she's moaning about the, the mess. Then she goes back to removing her hair extensions, which I'd argue is probably as messy, if not messier, when I'm trying to eat my sandwich.

• 49:31Speaker 06

  I can't rule on that. I can't rule on that, because I can't picture what removing hair extensions with pliers and coconut oil looks.

• 49:39Speaker 05

  So what it is, is sort of getting your hair tied up, getting some coconut oil on the little things that connect the hair, like that. And as it softens it, using the pliers to pull it out like that. And then what you get is sort of a clump of hair that's sort of tied together, right?

• 49:52Speaker 06

  Right, okay, yeah.

• 49:53Speaker 05

  And then obviously though, as you're putting out, there are a few strays. So as I'm driving, stray hairs would land on my face, and I'm like, because she's removing hair. So I, I'm arguing that there's a lot of mess going on that is also crumb-based and hair-based.

• 50:07Speaker 06

  And also, driving is quite important to not be distracted.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  By hair, that, you know, the front of the car turning to.

• 50:15Speaker 06

  I can already feel the voice note coming in. I'm really.

• 50:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:18Speaker 06

  I, I'll be surprised, Lou, I'll be surprised if you've got to this point without sending an initial voice note. Do you know what I mean? I, I imagine there's been a pause already.

• 50:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, a hundred percent. So she's already made a voice note. So then, but then what's happening is, as she's removing it, there's like a clump of hair just like on her lap. And then obviously, because it's not contained anywhere, it's stuff's floating about. I'm like, can you just put it in that empty coffee cup? Because it's got to be thrown away. And then, oh, I'll just fry it out the window. Birds can use it as a nest. Do you know what I mean?

• 50:48Speaker 06

  I don't know about that. Is it just, what is a hair extension? I don't know.

• 50:52Speaker 05

  Someone else's hair. So this is someone else's hair. Yeah, it's someone, it's real hair from someone else that's been put in your head.

• 50:59Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 51:00Speaker 05

  Right? So, so then in the end, I went, and then, and then I was like, Lou, your, your hair is getting everywhere. We need to get rid of this hair out of the car, because it is just gonna, bits of it's gonna be moving about. And then Lou tried to fry it out the window. And then threw a hair, she tried one, threw one hair extension out, and then it blew back in and landed on her.

• 51:26Speaker 05

  So the argument was basically, how can you possibly complain about some, a few crumbs when you're removing all your hair in the car? So it's quite a bit of a tense drive.

• 51:34Speaker 06

  That's the case, that's the case for the prosecution. I look forward to the case of the defence.

• 51:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, I will hear what they want to say, but yeah, anyway, that we had a good old, quite a juicy row over, row over. We've filled some time.

• 51:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly. It's been a joy, Rob.

• 51:51Speaker 05

  It has. Sorry if it's been a bit clunky, listeners, but we are trying our best over some holidays, but we'll get back into it.

• 51:57Speaker 06

  Let's be honest, let's be honest, they'll probably love that bell stuff. If it had carried on longer, it would have been annoying, but it was a little bit of fun.

• 52:05Speaker 05

  If the children playing in the corridor with the bell and the whistle carried on, it would have been unbroadcastable. But it feels like everyone's left you. You're like Home Alone.

• 52:14Speaker 06

  I know, it does feel weird. I've just realised, Rob, that I can't do, oh, I can do small business off here. I was gonna say.

• 52:21Speaker 05

  I can do small business otherwise.

• 52:23Speaker 06

  Because my son's looking at Lego. No, I've got it on here, it's fine.

• 52:26Speaker 05

  So why wouldn't he? Oh, because you're not on your phone.

• 52:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:30Speaker 05

  Small business.

• 52:32Speaker 06

  Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, long time listener here, loyal gym companion for years now, having started listening on recommendation of my brother years ago. If I'm ever laughing to myself mid bench press, it's almost certainly because of the podcast. Not ideal for form, but worth it. I'd love to throw my hat in for a small business shout out. My business, Pink Aubergine branded bakes, recently relocated to Lyme Regis. Lyme Regis is lovely.

• 53:02Speaker 05

  A soft to get out of though. Tiny little road, isn't it?

• 53:05Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, well, you know.

• 53:07Speaker 05

  Lovely fear.

• 53:08Speaker 06

  Worth it. With a bakery just over the Devon border, we create thousands of cupcakes, cookies and sweet treats topped with edible logos, perfect for corporate gifting events and generally showing off. You can find us here, pinkaubergine.co.uk. And I would love to offer listeners of Parenting Hell an offer. Use the code PARENTINGHELL10 or website or email it to us and we'll send you a little extra gift with every order. Thanks so much for the laughs. Keep more coming. Thanks so much, Claire. Pink Aubergine branded bakes.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  Okay. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'd like to give a small business shout out to my friend Jade and her husband, Brian. They've just started a beautiful dog accessory brand called Cedar and Snout. The business is based in Northumberland, near Newcastle, but ship all over the country with a view to expanding internationally. They have some stunning harnesses, leads, collars and bottles that can be used for humans and dogs to share.

• 54:08Speaker 05

  Harnesses?

• 54:11Speaker 05

  To share?

• 54:14Speaker 05

  What? Are you still there, Josh?

• 54:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was just trying to get my head around it.

• 54:19Speaker 05

  They have some stunning harnesses, leads, collars and bottles that can be used for humans and dogs to share.

• 54:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, I think, I think the lead is shared between the human and the dog, isn't it? Not in a, not in a kind of sex game way.

• 54:33Speaker 05

  Or maybe the bottle.

• 54:34Speaker 06

  I'm going to take the dog out in the harness and then I'm going to go and do a zip wire and I'll use the same harness for myself on the zip wire.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  The website is cedarsnout.co.uk, Instagram cedar underscore snout, TikTok cedar and snout. They're working so hard to get the business off the ground and it's gaining momentum, but a shout out on Parenting Hell would be amazing push for them. Plus, following their socials will get you some super cute doggo content. So I, from looking at it actually, I think the three in one adventure bottle is, there's a bottle that you can drink out of the top, but the underneath unscrews so that then you can pour water into the thing for the dog to lick out of.

• 55:11Speaker 06

  Oh, that's good.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  You're sharing the bottle, but the dog's licking out the bottom and you're licking, drinking, drinking out the top.

• 55:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 55:19Speaker 05

  So the dog licks out the bottom and you drink. And you've got the harness on, your wife's pulling you around the lead, you get licked out down the bottom, Cedar and Snout. Good luck. Right, see you later.

• 55:33Speaker 06

  It's been a journey and I do apologise.

• 55:35Speaker 05

  How long's your drive back?

• 55:36Speaker 06

  Two hours.

• 55:37Speaker 05

  It's not long, is it now, is it?

• 55:38Speaker 06

  No.

• 55:39Speaker 05

  You're down south where you meet, south west?

• 55:41Speaker 06

  Got to pick Fluffball up from the vet, but that's another story.

• 55:43Speaker 05

  Oh God, I'm from Fluffball.

• 55:45Speaker 06

  Still the same problem. Can't get to the bottom of it.

• 55:48Speaker 05

  Bad legs.

• 55:49Speaker 06

  Bad legs.

• 55:50Speaker 05

  Oh, okay. Quite depressing cliffhanger. Tune in next week.

• 55:57Speaker 05

  They're all kind of outlive Fluffball. That, that's mental, isn't it? Poor old Fluffball. I'm sure Fluffball will be fine.

• 56:03Speaker 06

  Are you?

• 56:05Speaker 05

  No.

• 56:07Speaker 05

  I'm trying. Fluffball will be absolutely fine.

• 56:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:12Speaker 05

  Cool.

• 56:13Speaker 06

  Bye.

• 56:14Speaker 05

  Bye.