S13 EP6: You can't be enjoying life

More adventures in parenting (and life) from Rob and Josh... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Parenting Hell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is a Spotify Podcast, new video episodes available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [email protected] Follow us on instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@parentinghell⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Observe: The North American Dad. 50s, great polo collection. He enters his vehicle information on Carvana. An offer appears in minutes. Remarkable. He squints, reads it again, smiles and says, dang, that's a good offer. The highest form of approval. No haggling, no hassle. No one called him boss. He's still on the couch. Astonishing. Sell your car today on carvana.com. Pickup fees may apply.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy. That family wasn't real. You sure about that? I had a father called Vision. How is this possible?

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy. Now streaming only on Disney+.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 1:30Speaker 04

  This episode is presented by Monzo. Josh, I love the summer holiday, aside from being asked for an ice cream every 32 seconds.

• 1:38Speaker 05

  Wow, Rob, that is why it's an ideal time to get them a free Monzo Kids account. Help build confidence and independence with their money. You can instantly send money or set up regular pocket money and parents still have full visibility and control from their own Monzo app.

• 1:52Speaker 04

  Unlike the requests for ice creams from the kids.

• 1:54Speaker 05

  Monzo's award-winning kids account. Search Monzo for children aged six to 15. Parent or guardian account needed first. UK residents only. Ts and Cs apply.

• 2:06Speaker 04

  Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with.

• 2:09Speaker 05

  Casey, can you say Rob Beckett?

• 2:12Speaker 04

  Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? That's all we did. Well done.

• 2:21Speaker 05

  There we go.

• 2:22Speaker 04

  I like that one. I like the lady's, the tone of her voice.

• 2:24Speaker 05

  Yeah. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. This is my son Casey. He's 35 months old. He's finally learned to save your name, sort of. I've been listening to podcasts for the past three years and yet to switch off halfway through an episode. I'm eight months pregnant with another little boy on the way. So we're about to dive back into the beautiful chaos all over again. Once I've recovered, I'll be straight into training for the London Marathon. No. Assuming I can make it more than a few kilometres without weighing myself or questioning my life choices.

• 2:51Speaker 04

  I really, I really don't, don't do it.

• 2:53Speaker 05

  I'm also running for Evelina London Charity, London Children's Charity.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  Lovely.

• 2:59Speaker 05

  I'm originally from Westmoreland, although I've called Wimbledon home for the last five years, where I live with my husband Gary and our son Casey and soon our newest little addition. Thanks for helping keep me sane through all the madness. Georgia, 361 months.

• 3:12Speaker 04

  Now, I'm going to ask a question about charity fundraising. When your friends are doing something, Josh.

• 3:19Speaker 05

  Oh, I'm tired.

• 3:19Speaker 04

  We're, we're not two minutes in. We're a minute in.

• 3:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know. I'm hungry.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  It just doesn't give you, you know.

• 3:26Speaker 05

  I can't eat because my yogurt is my tripod.

• 3:31Speaker 04

  My heaven is my half-pipe.

• 3:35Speaker 04

  My yogurt is my tripod. Sorry, my yogurt is my tripod. My yogurt is a tripod. Um, my yogurt is a tripod. I don't know why that's just really stuck in my head. Second yawn?

• 3:45Speaker 05

  Michael's right.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  There it is. You've tried to mask. Josh, look, a podcast is an intimate relationship between two minds and mouths that are connecting. Yeah. And like, would you want a lover to yawn in your face?

• 3:58Speaker 05

  Tell you what I can get.

• 3:59Speaker 04

  What's it talking about? Charity, this is a question, right? So this is a bit of a, I might have to work this out live, but I've just thought of something that I think I believe. Now.

• 4:10Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Stop yawning. That's three.

• 4:14Speaker 05

  Tired.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  So when you're, when you get a message from a friend that says, can you donate? I'm doing something for charity.

• 4:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:26Speaker 04

  Now, and they go, oh, hi, me or my wife's doing this for charity. Can you donate? Right.

• 4:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 04

  So basically what you think is, I don't give a fuck what they're doing. I've not even read it. I've just got to pay some money, so I'm not the one that hasn't.

• 4:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:40Speaker 04

  And I don't need the guilt of being the only one in the friendship group that hasn't paid.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  So I think, do our half marathon? I don't think it's going to impact the money for the charity.

• 4:55Speaker 05

  Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point.

• 4:56Speaker 04

  If that's what you're doing it for. I just think if you're trying to raise money for charity, the thing that drives the money is not how impressive it is. It's the guilt you can put up on a friendship group.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  Yeah. I agree.

• 5:08Speaker 04

  I, I, I, so I think if you want to run a marathon, because you want to run a marathon, fair enough. If you're trying to raise money for charity, you don't really need to do anything that that is that intense. Just make sure that in public forums, so maybe if you're in a pub with all your mates, you go, have you donated yet? Have you donated yet? Then it will sort of publicly shame and guilt them into donating.

• 5:26Speaker 05

  Exactly. How do you pitch your donation, Rob? Do you go, few questions?

• 5:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:33Speaker 05

  Do you go name public?

• 5:35Speaker 04

  So if it's one that's part of a friendship group like I discussed, I'm name public.

• 5:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 04

  And I'm going.

• 5:43Speaker 05

  Full name?

• 5:45Speaker 04

  Rob Beckett or The Beckett, if it's for me and Lou, if we know both people or just, you know. So what I would do is someone I know that's doing something charity. If most people are putting in 20 quid, I'll put 50 in because I'm the bloke off the telly.

• 6:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  And that'll be with my name.

• 6:03Speaker 05

  You want to appear Billy Big Balls.

• 6:04Speaker 04

  Exactly. And if I do want to donate more for any particular reason, or it's something that's either close to my heart or something that I've seen that I feel, oh, they, that deserves money, I will donate more but anonymously. So I'm, doesn't look like I'm showing off.

• 6:20Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  What I do find, this happened once. I heard of a story of someone that did some money for something because there'd been some sort of crime and they're trying to replace it. And there's someone wasn't well and they wanted something, right? A child's unwell and wants the thing. And say the thing cost £800, whatever that thing may be, right? They're up to about 400.

• 6:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:40Speaker 04

  Right? And I thought, you know what? And it hadn't gone up at all for ages. Like, I looked at it last, I thought they've done their.

• 6:47Speaker 05

  Let's complete this.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  They've done their friendship group sort of thing. It's quite a small thing about just helping a person get through something.

• 6:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:54Speaker 04

  I went, you know what? I've had a good week. Bang.

• 6:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  400 anonymous. You've, you, what you need to get to get the thing. For great. Isn't that a great thing that a group of people can do and I can contribute to?

• 7:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:09Speaker 04

  Get an email after that. You get the thank you for donating. Get an email back. They've increased the donation limit. You know, the budget, the target amount.

• 7:16Speaker 05

  Oh, man.

• 7:17Speaker 04

  And I was like, you, I just thought, you robbing ****. I just thought, you robbing bastards.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  You've, you've played the harp strings, violin's out. Oh, but fucking, I'll be Big Bollocks is coming to save the day and you've bumped it up another couple of hundred quid. Disgusting.

• 7:34Speaker 05

  Oh my God. That's.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  So then, since then, I've sort of tapped out of it.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  Anyway, what have you been up to?

• 7:43Speaker 05

  Shall we do some emails?

• 7:45Speaker 04

  Let's do some emails.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  Let's do some emails. Let's do some emails.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  Do you want to go one each? I'm going to start with getting Alfred by an in-law.

• 7:52Speaker 05

  Getting Alfred by an in-law. Okay.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  So this is when you meet your in-laws and they sort of intimidate you, Alfred, embarrass you. Hello, sexy beasts. When my husband and I first met, he came to an Easter party at my parents' friend's house. There was a sack race. No, there was not a child on site. We were just the youngest at 24 and 26. Okay. So adult games, this is. My husb- it's a very weird time as well in, in-law-to-be's lives here because when you're 24 and 26, it's probably your first proper, serious, serious boyfriend that may lead to marriage and kids at around that age eventually. And I think the parents are struggling a little bit with the empty nest part of that and lots of control. You know what I mean?

• 8:37Speaker 05

  All right.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  So my husband.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  You've gone deep on a sack race.

• 8:39Speaker 04

  I've gone deep on this, but that's something I noticed. I, I was the first proper boyfriend to go out with my in-laws, one of their daughters, like the one that was the most serious early doors. And it was a learning process for everyone involved, I think.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 04

  Because it's a big change in their life.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  What did they learn? What do you think, what do you think Lou's parents learned that they didn't have in their locker when you turned up?

• 9:02Speaker 04

  Well, I don't think it's, I think it's accepting that your baby daughter has become a woman and.

• 9:08Speaker 05

  He's banging Rob Beckett.

• 9:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:18Speaker 04

  Pretty much. I wasn't, um, the, I was a different Rob Beckett back then, though.

• 9:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 04

  To the one you see before you today.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  You were a horny little bastard, but.

• 9:28Speaker 04

  Ah, no, no, no, no. I was, I was absolutely, to a point, disillusioned, disillusionedly confident in how my life was going to go when every single fact proved otherwise.

• 9:44Speaker 05

  But you've actually, well, I don't know what you believed. You, you thought you were going to be a footballer?

• 9:50Speaker 04

  No, no, well, no, I was just absolutely rabidly ambitious and confident, even if deep down I was a bit of a wreck, but presented that way and said, I'm doing this, I'm going to do that and do that. Because I had to, I had to convince myself that was all going to happen.

• 10:06Speaker 05

  Who's this fucking chancer?

• 10:07Speaker 04

  And I was skin and Lou paid for everything and I was just in there, us telling them what I was going to do.

• 10:11Speaker 05

  Together with this guy who thinks he's going to be a big stand-up comedian.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:15Speaker 05

  And he doesn't even wear socks. And he's like, and she's paying for everything.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:20Speaker 05

  And every time he walks in, he gives us a list of all the people he looks like because that's how he starts every conversation.

• 10:27Speaker 05

  And he's in the lunchtime club. What the fuck's the lunchtime?

• 10:30Speaker 04

  It's actually a big deal lunchtime club. It's a way for the best up-and-coming talent to be showcased at the biggest arts festival in the world. So I'm going to go out there for a month on your daughter's per money.

• 10:41Speaker 05

  Yeah. No, he's not been on What The Week. No, he hasn't got an agent.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  He earned £118 last week whilst your daughter went to school as a teacher five days a week.

• 10:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  So thank you, actually, but don't you worry. Yes, I didn't earn anything in the month of December in 2011 because there was a big snowstorm and cancelled a weeks of gigs in Southampton. But don't you worry about me. January's looking pretty full.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  Anyway, oh God. My husband and dad lined up next to each other on the start line. Okay, so this is, yeah, when she first met her husband.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  I was already dreading the result. When the whistle went, my dad yanked my husband back by the shirt so hard, all his buttons popped off.

• 11:33Speaker 05

  Oh my God.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  My dad is like rivals.

• 11:38Speaker 04

  My dad went hopping off in his sack, very pleased with himself, not realising that my husband, a PE teacher and shirtless, was in hot pursuit.

• 11:46Speaker 05

  Oh my God.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  As he gained on my dad about to take victory, he was then tripped up by my dad's friend at the finish line.

• 11:59Speaker 04

  My dad still, my dad still boasts about it today, how he beat a 26 year old PE teacher in a sack race. Love the podcast, Justine.

• 12:06Speaker 05

  I'm gonna say, none of the three of them come out smelling of roses.

• 12:11Speaker 04

  I, I think the PE teacher smells of some roses because he's been attacked and then he's gone, do you know what, I'm gonna try and give it my all in this race and then he gets tripped up.

• 12:20Speaker 05

  I don't think you do. Just, just, you know this means so much to your father-in-law. Why are you chasing him down? Do you know what I mean?

• 12:28Speaker 04

  What, what, what would you have done? What was the best way to deal with that so that the PE teacher comes out smelling of roses?

• 12:34Speaker 05

  Just go, well, obviously you're paying for my shirt, first things first.

• 12:39Speaker 04

  You immediately say that?

• 12:40Speaker 05

  Obviously, I'm not. Um, no, I just.

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Do you know what I would have done? Do you wanna know what I would have done? I would have just gone, okay, I'd have got out the sack, put it over my shoulder, make sure my ripped PE body was sort of showing. And, and I'd just sort of walk up to him and go, congratulations on the win and thanks for ripping my shirt off. Saves a job for your daughter later tonight.

• 13:07Speaker 04

  And then silence. Complete silence.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  I'd reckon that one.

• 13:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think that'd have gone down well.

• 13:20Speaker 04

  I think I'd punch someone if they said that to me about my daughter.

• 13:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Well, okay, let's put you in these scenarios, Rob. Your daughter, who's 25,

• 13:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 05

  brings back her PE teacher boyfriend.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 13:36Speaker 05

  And it's a classic Beckett summer sack race scenario.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  Absolutely. Yeah, we're, yeah, we're ready to go.

• 13:43Speaker 05

  Lou gets out the sacks. One thing leads to the other. How would you play it as the dad?

• 13:49Speaker 04

  I think I wouldn't have a one-on-one race. I think the sack race needs to be like everyone lined up and like 10 of you go from like Nan, Nan down to Charlie. Like the, the head-to-head is the problem here, isn't it?

• 14:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 04

  So.

• 14:04Speaker 05

  Yeah. Would you, when you've done the joke about with him, it saves a job for your daughter later?

• 14:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:11Speaker 05

  Would you then go, surprised you didn't let her, let your daughter do this race because she's absolute dynamite in the sack?

• 14:19Speaker 04

  That's nice. Bit creepier though, isn't it?

• 14:23Speaker 05

  Do you think?

• 14:23Speaker 04

  Well, I think you were hunching down, wiggling your glasses.

• 14:27Speaker 05

  Well, that's sexy.

• 14:28Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, sorry, you've been, sorry, I forgot you were being sexy.

• 14:32Speaker 05

  Um, yeah. And then you could say, I'll be emptying my sack later.

• 14:37Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  That's another one.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  And you just keep doing them at him all night.

• 14:42Speaker 04

  Yeah. You just made me spit coffee on my keyboard.

• 14:46Speaker 05

  I don't get that one, Michael.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  Michael, that doesn't, that doesn't work as a pun. Get back to editing, mate. We'll do the puns, Randy.

• 14:55Speaker 05

  You could say, um.

• 14:56Speaker 04

  Oh, your daughter really spat on my keyboard after that sack race.

• 15:00Speaker 05

  Say, um.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, go on.

• 15:02Speaker 05

  You're like your daughter, quick to finish.

• 15:05Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. You're like, you're like, you're like your daughter in the sack. You need another man to come in to finish her off.

• 15:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, really?

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Because she got tripped up. He got tripped up, remember?

• 15:17Speaker 05

  Oh, okay, yeah.

• 15:18Speaker 04

  He tripped up by his mate. Yeah. Is this, is this nice for women to listen to?

• 15:23Speaker 05

  Not really.

• 15:26Speaker 05

  Poor man. Right, next one.

• 15:29Speaker 04

  I had, I had a, I had a black cab driver the other day that like has only just downloaded Google Maps the day before. He was only such a luddite. And I was like, all right, what do you do then? Do you listen to like podcasts when you're driving about or music or like, if you've got Spotify, but no, no, no, no, just got these four presets.

• 15:46Speaker 04

  I was like, what? He went, he basically got presets on his radio.

• 15:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:50Speaker 04

  And it was smooth jazz, something like Forces, or I didn't even heard of it, and then GB News. And I was like, I went, mate, you can't, I went, you're, I went, you can't be enjoying life.

• 16:07Speaker 04

  I went, what? I mean, that's all you're listening to all day, every day. And you went, well, what's podcasts then? I went, he went, he went, because he was going, yeah, because I, I listen to it. It gets annoying because sometimes you're listening to it and you feel a bit like they're just like telling you what they're told to say. Like, you know, because he's like different.

• 16:23Speaker 05

  How's GB News working out for you?

• 16:25Speaker 04

  Well, that's what I said. No, that's what I was saying. So I said, if you listen to a podcast, people can say whatever they want. He went, what's a podcast?

• 16:29Speaker 05

  Sorry, I thought he was saying that about podcasts.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  About like mainstream radio channels. Sorry, someone at the door. One second. I'll be back.

• 16:36Speaker 05

  Oh, so real. A lot of thigh then.

• 16:40Speaker 05

  That might be the last time we see him again.

• 16:46Speaker 05

  This episode is brought to you by Shoe.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  What is it about school shoes? Just the words probably sends shivers down parents' spines.

• 16:54Speaker 05

  Of course, Rob. It's nightmare fuel, right? So you've got, A, you've got to find the right ones in the shops that please you, that please the kid.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:02Speaker 05

  And please the school. There's three people that need to be pleased in that situation. And please your wallet, of course, Rob. Please your wallet. What size do you get? Do you get too big so they can grow into them? And then where are they? I can't find them and it's five minutes until we need to go to school. It's constant nightmare, Rob.

• 17:17Speaker 04

  But then the kids want a pair that they like or like, sort of like, oh, these are me. But then if they're not really suitable, because some aren't fully suitable for school.

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Thankfully, there's Shoe Kids, the place for school shoes that let kids express who they are. Feeling they can stand tall in their shoes, which builds confidence for the kids.

• 17:34Speaker 04

  Plus, because you'll find brands like Nike, Adidas, New Balance Kickers and Dr. Martens, they'll get a pair of shoes they actually want to put on for once, which will make those morning school runs so much easier.

• 17:45Speaker 05

  Find their perfect pair online or visit in-store for fitting with staff who are pros in the right fit, found fast.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy. That family wasn't real.

• 18:05Speaker 06

  You sure about that? I had a father called Vision. How is this possible?

• 18:10Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy. Now streaming only on Disney+.

• 18:24Speaker 03

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season, you create it layer by layer, until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Apologies.

• 18:56Speaker 05

  What was it?

• 18:58Speaker 04

  I have to get on this chair like I'm getting on a horse.

• 19:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, what, what is the chair?

• 19:03Speaker 04

  It's just a normal chair, but it's so close with this screen behind me, the old marble cake.

• 19:08Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. What was the, what was the delivery?

• 19:10Speaker 04

  Lego. Do you wanna see it?

• 19:12Speaker 05

  For yourself?

• 19:13Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 19:14Speaker 05

  For yourself?

• 19:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course, myself. Love it. I can't remember what I bought. I bought it on the way to work one day because I was sad and I thought this would cheer me up. I'll get back. Do you wanna guess what it is?

• 19:29Speaker 05

  It's gonna be like.

• 19:32Speaker 04

  I'm opening this up like an absolute savage.

• 19:34Speaker 05

  It's gonna be like, I don't know, The Bourne Identity or one of those kind of weird grown-up ones.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  Weird grown-up ones?

• 19:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:41Speaker 04

  Oh, now it's in another box. I hate this. Will they send it a box in a box?

• 19:46Speaker 05

  It's not ideal, is it?

• 19:47Speaker 04

  Let's leave it. I think it's ET.

• 19:49Speaker 05

  All right, there we go. Yeah. The Bourne Identity wasn't.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  ET in a pinball machine. Next question.

• 19:54Speaker 05

  Here's a question about Lego.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 19:57Speaker 05

  Because I was doing some Lego with my son, right? We were making a helicopter, two instructions, right? As the art of building your own Lego kind of died a bit and now it is just following instructions. When I was a kid, it used to be that you'd have a huge drawer where all your Lego sets have kind of gone together. And then you'd build it like we would build a train set. But you don't really do that with Lego much anymore, do you?

• 20:21Speaker 04

  So my kids now, they build little scene sets and then they use that and then rebuild it and break it down and create stuff. But I don't. I just like the process of slowing my brain down and.

• 20:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:33Speaker 04

  I mean, something.

• 20:34Speaker 05

  So when are you gonna build ET in your, in your buffer lifestyle?

• 20:37Speaker 04

  Uh, it, so, well, September is looking, September, October, November are looking sweet as an absolute nut for me. That's my, um, um, like what the equivalent of like David Bowie going to like Mauritius for four months to sort of just like reconnect with himself and nature. That's gonna be me, but I'll be at home doing the school run and building Lego.

• 21:01Speaker 05

  So what do you reckon? Gig start mid-September?

• 21:05Speaker 04

  Um, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well.

• 21:09Speaker 05

  Just, just note that down, Michael. Note that down.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  No, I might do a couple of gigs, but not, I'm not gonna write a tour, but I'll do the odd gig. I like doing a gig.

• 21:18Speaker 05

  Here we go. Here we go. He's back.

• 21:20Speaker 04

  I'm back, back on the.

• 21:21Speaker 05

  Tour announced before Christmas.

• 21:23Speaker 04

  You can't, you know, you can't deny what you are and I'm a freely, free-wheeling raconteur. Now, I'm just trying to have more freedom in what I do as opposed to being signed up for loads of work that I have to deliver years and months. I basically, for, well, probably for the last six years, I've had every year mapped out two or three years in advance. And it's too much. No, like, knowing that I'd have like that four weeks blocked off, that four weeks blocked off. But this is a bit more, trying to be a bit more elusive it, um, and enjoy it more rather than feel like an obligation.

• 21:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  Because it's too much. I can't, I can't live like and work like this. I've been working like for the last few years forever. It's just madness. No point. Um, gonna float about playing golf like Jimmy Tarbuck.

• 22:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, although you are trying to monetise that golf.

• 22:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I'm enjoying that and it's no, I can do it whenever I want. It's no pressure. I can just stop it.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Live at the Apollo's ended, Rob.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  It has, hasn't it?

• 22:18Speaker 05

  Well, they're doing one more series.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  I mean, it's done. Twenty-three years, twenty-two years.

• 22:22Speaker 05

  Would you put yourself in, if they said, Rob, final series?

• 22:26Speaker 04

  Well, I haven't got any, I haven't got any material, so not at the moment, no. But, no, so it's hard, you know, it takes a while.

• 22:32Speaker 05

  You'd claim they finished with Jack Dee, wouldn't you?

• 22:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, they've got to. He's the one who started it all.

• 22:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 04

  But I look, I look forward to seeing Live at the Apollo on TLC in about a year and a half.

• 22:41Speaker 05

  Of course. It's, it, it's an inevitability.

• 22:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's revived Mock the Week, better than ever. Actually, I think it's, is better than ever, Mock the Week now.

• 22:50Speaker 05

  I think Mock the Week.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  More freedom.

• 22:52Speaker 05

  I think Mock the Week on TLC has been brilliant.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 05

  Shall we do more emails?

• 22:58Speaker 04

  Playground shaggers, Josh. This is a little sample one. We're gonna save them all up for a big episode, so any playground shagger stories, let us know. Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, I don't have any kids but love listening to the pod on my commute. I especially enjoy the playground shagger stories. Please keep me anonymous as this is too specific. This took place in the nineties at my primary school located in a small village. It's the type of place where everyone knows everyone's business and gossip fuels locals.

• 23:24Speaker 05

  Lovely description, gossip fuels locals. Lovely three-word description of a town.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  Gossip fuels the locals.

• 23:32Speaker 05

  It just, it creates a vivid image of where this is taking place. I love it.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  My yogurt is my tripod.

• 23:39Speaker 05

  My yogurt is my tripod.

• 23:42Speaker 04

  The headmaster, we'll call Mr. H, was removed from the school due to fraudulent activity.

• 23:47Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 23:48Speaker 04

  This led to outrage from a number of school mums who thought Mr. H was innocent and should be reinstated.

• 23:53Speaker 05

  What do they know?

• 23:54Speaker 04

  Don't know. But these mums tied yellow ribbons on a tree around the village and wore ribbons in solidarity of Mr. H. Isn't that what people put up for, like, missing children or something?

• 24:06Speaker 04

  It's quite, anyway, it became an uncomfortable and sometimes hostile drop-off for many parents who were harassed by the yellow ribbon mums for not showing support for Mr. H.

• 24:15Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 24:16Speaker 04

  It turns out the main yellow ribbon mum.

• 24:19Speaker 05

  By the way, they're not wrong about this, it can be identified as a story. There's no way.

• 24:24Speaker 04

  But.

• 24:24Speaker 05

  I mean, this has never happened anywhere else. You've got to be anonymous for this.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Well, it turns out the main yellow ribbon mum was having an affair with Mr. H.

• 24:32Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 24:33Speaker 04

  I'm not sure how the news got out, but she left her husband and then had a short-lived relationship with Mr. H after the news leaked. The primary school then hired an interim head teacher from a nearby school. We'll call him Mr. J. Well, there must be something in the water because Mr. J then had an affair with a parent from the PTA.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 24:51Speaker 04

  He didn't stick around long after the news broke, but no ribbons this time. Good thing this took place in the nineties, as today it'll be all over social media.

• 24:59Speaker 05

  Do we know if Mr. H did? What was it? Can't sure.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Fraudulent activity.

• 25:04Speaker 05

  Fraudulent activity. Wow.

• 25:07Speaker 04

  Yellow ribbon.

• 25:07Speaker 05

  I bet, that, the problem is, if Mr. H was innocent of fraudulent activity, the moment you sleep with the head of the yellow ribbon crew, you're just, your, your campaign is over. Should we do Flying Solo as a child, Rob?

• 25:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:23Speaker 05

  Hello. After hearing Josh's story about being put on a plane to South Africa at the age of ten, I thought I'd share my own.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  I forgot that happened.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  It was nineteen eighty-two, the year before I was born. I was twelve years old, travelling around Europe with my mum and dad one summer. They weren't your average parents. Before leaving Dublin, they rented three bikes, rolled them onto a ferry to France and simply kept going. The plan worked fine until my bike was stolen in the south of France. From that point on, we began zigzagging across Europe on train instead. At the end of our trip, we boarded the magic bus from Athens to London.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 25:59Speaker 05

  Fuck that.

• 26:02Speaker 05

  Absolutely F that up the, up the A-hole.

• 26:06Speaker 04

  People do that, travel across the world, race across the world, and they're like, oh, it's just a, a, a twenty-two-hour coach from Thailand to Laos.

• 26:15Speaker 05

  That, that is a show I would struggle to do, race across the world.

• 26:19Speaker 04

  You don't like travelling. So I, I've rung your agent the other day to talk about something, and normally, uh, uh, she always thinks it's bad news when I ring.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, I bet she does.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  Because I'll be like going, oh, you need to look out for Rob or Tom or Josh, you know. Um, and I went, no, everyone's absolutely fine. Don't worry, no panic. Because obviously I work with a lot of the clients, so if I know one of you is having a bit of a tough time, I'll always have that check-in on you guys with her. So she always dreads my calls. Um, anyway, she was, she said that you, you said, after the rummage thing, you loved it, but you couldn't do a travel log. You, you find the travelling too much as a series.

• 26:52Speaker 05

  I think I do. Do you know what it is? It isn't when you're there. It's when you get back.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:59Speaker 05

  I was just fucked. I was just fucked and I had to get my, and I like, then you're just into your life and I love it when I'm there because you're in a bubble.

• 27:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:09Speaker 05

  But whenever I've gone away to film, when I get back, I'm like, oh, man. Do you know what I mean?

• 27:14Speaker 04

  It's hard to get back in. Me and Lou really clash because she gets in her own little, like, rhythm. Then I come back and I'm trying to be helpful, but actually I'm just in the way. So it's like, that's the hardest bit about the travel. One, missing the kids, but also when you come back, you're just in a suitcase, out of a suitcase. And especially when you do it loads, you're like, you've gone again. You know what I mean?

• 27:33Speaker 05

  But this will come back on me when I do a travel log. But.

• 27:36Speaker 04

  No, but you'll be, no, but you'll be fine. You'll get, the thing is, the, the worrying thing is though, Josh, if you travel a lot, you get dangerously used to it, and then that becomes your life and identity. And then that's what drags people away from their families. It's not people that don't like their family or don't like their kids or don't like being at home, but you just, you just get so used to it. That becomes your lifestyle. And a lot of these people that work away from home a lot, it just, it, it, it's, it's difficult.

• 28:01Speaker 05

  Yeah. So on the final morning, my dad casually told me that he and my mum were getting off in northern France since they'd sent their bikes ahead. That meant I'd have to finish the journey on my own, including, including the border crossing into Dover.

• 28:17Speaker 04

  So they left her on the coach, so it went from France to Dover and they were gonna meet her in Dover?

• 28:22Speaker 05

  Northern France, so that's a long way from probably where you, there, there's quite a lot of France to do as well.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, France is big, you know.

• 28:27Speaker 05

  They waved goodbye as the bus pulled away, leaving me to continue towards Camden Town alone. I'd been given my uncle's phone number with instructions to call him when I arrived so he could guide me to his flat.

• 28:38Speaker 04

  How old was this kid?

• 28:40Speaker 05

  Twelve.

• 28:41Speaker 04

  This is, it should, this is a, this should be a league, they should go to prison.

• 28:43Speaker 05

  This is nineteen eighty-two, Rob.

• 28:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, but that's not allowed.

• 28:46Speaker 05

  That's nineteen eighty-two.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  It's not allowed. I'm sorry. That was, um, terrible parenting to the point of should be criminally prosecuted.

• 28:55Speaker 05

  Well, it's nineteen eighty-two.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  You've abandoned a twelve-year-old child in a foreign country.

• 28:59Speaker 05

  I'd been given my uncle's phone number.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  Oh, thank god. Actually, take that back. She's got her uncle's phone number. She's got her uncle's landline.

• 29:08Speaker 05

  By the time we'd reached London, it was already dark. I stepped off the bus into a city I didn't know, found a phone box and made a call. Two trains later, I emerged from an escalator to see my uncle waiting on the other side of the turnstile. The relief I felt at that moment was overwhelming. As it turned out, my parents had decided to spend an extra few days in France. Fuck it now. So I remained in London. Over the next several days, I explored the city on my own. It was an ironing experience that gave me a healthy dose of independence and some much-needed street smarts. Cheers, Steve.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, you, you process the trauma however you want.

• 29:47Speaker 05

  First week of university fails. Hello. When my husband, Rich, arrived on his first day at the University of York, he was unpacking all his new kitchen stuff using a knife. Oh, no. As he cut through some packaging, he slipped and stabbed himself deep in the thigh.

• 30:02Speaker 04

  Thigh?

• 30:04Speaker 05

  At this exact moment, his first new flatmate walked into the kitchen to introduce herself. Rich surreptitiously pulled the knife out of his thigh, uh, the worst thing you can do, and greeted the flatmate cheerily. He pretended he wasn't in terrible pain, until his flatmate pointed out horribly blood-stained jeans and said, I think you're bleeding. Completely embarrassed, Rich admitted what had happened and two of his brand-new flatmates had to help him hobble across campus to the doctor's surgery. It earned him the longstanding nickname Stabby McGee and became hilarious and embarrassing story recounted throughout the year of the flat. Love the show, Sophie from York.

• 30:42Speaker 04

  Stabby McGee.

• 30:43Speaker 05

  Stabby McGee.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Right, do you want a, um, parenting fails? It's a long one, but I reckon we've, we've got it in us. We deserve it. Hello, you sexy, relatable pair. It was day four of our family holiday, and by this point, this is parenting fails. By this point, I'd reached a specific level of parental exhaustion where your standards begin to quietly dissolve in the heat. We were sitting by the pool, prime sun lounger territory secured at an ungodly hour that morning. And for the first time all day, I actually managed to sit down. Sunshine in, cocktail within reach, my two boys, five and six at the time, temporarily entertained. It was suspiciously peaceful. Then my youngest son appeared. Mummy, I need the toilet. Now, ordinarily, this would be a completely reasonable request. However, this child had already asked to go to the toilet five times that day.

• 31:30Speaker 04

  Each trip involved me drying him off, wrestling him out of his UV all-in-one suit, marching across what felt like several postcodes of resort grounds to the nearest bathroom, only for him to either to decide he didn't actually need a wee, get distracted by the ice cream stand, or produce roughly three drops of urine after a fifteen-minute expedition. I'd reached my limit, so in what I can only describe as one of the worst parenting decisions of my life, I leaned in and whispered, just go in the pool. Everyone does.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  Great, great.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  Now, important note, when I said this, I assumed he understood the unspoken societal agreement. This would happily happen discreetly underwater like every other feral child on holiday. Guys, he did not. Before I could process what was happening, he marched with absolute confidence to the edge of the very crowded pool. Families everywhere, couples relaxing, people on inflatables. Then, in horrifying slow motion, he stood tall like he was about to make an announcement. He unzipped his full-body sun-protection suit, pulled it down, reached in and extracted his willy with the confidence of a man who had trained his whole life for this moment. For approximately two full seconds, the entire pool seemed frozen in confusion.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  Then a spectacular fountain of wee arched directly into the pool. Not a subtle trickle, not a discreet little accent, a full pressure ornamental water feature. I've never moved so fast in my life. I launched myself off the lounger like I was being fired from a cannon, springing barefoot across scorching tiles while shouting, no, no, no, no, not like that.

• 33:04Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 33:06Speaker 04

  But it was too late. The damage was done. He looked at me midstream, utterly confused, as if I was unreasonable and said in front of everyone in the pool, you said everyone does it.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  Which was difficult to argue with while he was actively urinating in front of half the hotel.

• 33:26Speaker 05

  Oh, God.

• 33:27Speaker 04

  By the time I reached in, the pool had started emptying at record speed. I spent the rest of the holiday avoiding eye contact with everyone at the resort and decided to have more beach days after that incident at the pool.

• 33:37Speaker 05

  Oh, my God. That is a great parenting fail.

• 33:40Speaker 04

  I've listened since lockdown. Jess Carter.

• 33:43Speaker 05

  Do you think they then need to change all the water in the pool? How does that work?

• 33:47Speaker 04

  Well, because if a shit, they scoop it out and no one's allowed in it for half hour. They called it off, didn't they? And I think if they've seen the wee happen, they'd have to corner it off and put some more chemicals in. Do you know what I mean? Because it is, you know, we know that people do that. But if you've seen it happen and you're the lifeguard dude.

• 34:09Speaker 05

  The lifeguard dude.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  Josh, the pet, I want to go back to those boomers in France.

• 34:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:15Speaker 04

  These boomers we get of like mad things people did. Like, and they left their kid up in Camden for an extra few days. In the eighties and seventies, did parents love their children less? Or was everyone doing it so it just felt like the norm? What is leading to this?

• 34:34Speaker 05

  They didn't love them less.

• 34:35Speaker 04

  Because are there people that had children in the eighties listening to that, thinking that these people are horrendous as well? And we're only getting a minority? Or was everyone doing it?

• 34:44Speaker 05

  Well, I don't think you're thinking that people are horrendous. And I don't think I think that people are horrendous. I know you do.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  I think those people are horrendous.

• 34:51Speaker 05

  So I don't, because I think that's the culture. In the same way, probably, that were you to play me something from the nineties that would now be considered absolutely appalling? A television show that would now be considered appalling?

• 35:06Speaker 04

  That we used to like.

• 35:07Speaker 05

  That we used to like. I don't think, oh, you know.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  I used to drink from my shoe in nightclubs and do a shoe knee when I was like eighteen.

• 35:17Speaker 05

  Yeah. So it's just the culture and the, and so I don't think it is really like, I mean, I don't know because I wasn't there. So maybe that was outlandish and wrong and bad.

• 35:32Speaker 05

  And I wonder, you know, in thirty years, whether people will be like, you know, they used to fucking let their kids go on their phone and do this.

• 35:42Speaker 04

  Or iPads, yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  I do think phones and iPads and the addiction of these, I'm so addicted. I've deleted TikTok. I'm so addicted to Instagram as well. And it's horrible because I still have to have it for work stuff. Because I have to post certain things, especially if you're, you know, promoting what you're doing, trying to sell tickets, or you're doing like a collaboration and stuff. And there is some really cool stuff on there as well, but then I get just trapped in that algorithm. It's the algorithms and the problem. It's so addictive. And I, and I, I think we'll look back on that, the way people are on phones, the way people used to smoke on trains. Like, it's so hard not to.

• 36:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. And so I think, yeah, it's a cultural thing. It's a, it's a, an era and cultural thing. And long may we, you know, gain traction by reading our emails from people that in the past were probably completely normal, but now we can judge.

• 36:32Speaker 04

  Do you want another boomer while we're on it?

• 36:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  Hi, Rob and Josh. This happened in the mid eighties when I was about two years old. We were travelling back to the UK from Peru. It's Paddings and Bears emailed in.

• 36:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:45Speaker 04

  Where we live, because of my dad's job, we had a stopover for a few hours in Bogota, Colombia. Now, when I think of Bogota, sorry. Now, when I think of Bogota, I think drug cartels, guerrilla movements and political violence. My parents apparently thought, perfect place for a bit of sightseeing. So they took a taxi from the airport to a nearby museum. On the journey, I fell asleep, leaving them with every parent's nightmare, waking a toddler from a nap. For most parents, there is only one option. You wake the child and deal with the inevitable meltdown. But apparently there was another option available in nineteen eighties Colombia. They left me in the taxi.

• 37:24Speaker 05

  What?

• 37:25Speaker 04

  Yep. A two-year-old child asleep in a taxi in Bogota with a driver they had never met before. And because this story wasn't quite insane enough, the driver also kindly offered to look after all their luggage.

• 37:37Speaker 05

  That is wild.

• 37:38Speaker 04

  So off went my parents with my older brother for a leisurely wander around a museum, while I remained parked outside with a complete stranger.

• 37:46Speaker 05

  That is mental.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  To this day, my mum insists it was fine because nothing happened.

• 37:53Speaker 04

  The thing is, nobody actually knows that.

• 38:02Speaker 04

  The thing, nobody has a faintest clue what happened during that half hour. For all anyone knows, I spent thirty minutes helping to run an international cartel before being returned to the same exact parking space.

• 38:15Speaker 04

  The eighties were absolutely wild. And despite stories like this, part of me still thinks I'd rather be bringing my kids up then than now. I mean, because really, someone could have put stuff in the, not, not that everyone in Colombia is involved in drugs, but in the eighties, I think they might have been. But they could have put like drugs in the suitcases as well.

• 38:32Speaker 05

  Obviously, Colombia has a reputation. That's a tiny part of it. But anyway, to leave someone with a, like, I, I think the luggage is a bad enough decision. But there we go.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  Well, I get, I get though, say that you're paying the cab driver to wait anyway, maybe. So go, look, we'll pay you to wait and take us back to the airport if it's only a stopover. But I think I'd sit in the car with the baby and let the other two go to the museum.

• 39:00Speaker 05

  Yes, I'm not that fussed about a museum.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  No.

• 39:05Speaker 05

  Do you know what I mean? I, to be honest, any excuse not to go to the museum would be ideal for me.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, is it air con? There was probably no air con in the eighties.

• 39:13Speaker 05

  No.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  Just a little toddler having a nap in a, anyway. I'll enjoy it. Do another one.

• 39:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:20Speaker 04

  One very early morning, we were leaving in the car, there's always cars, isn't it? To go on a family holiday and came across a deer that had been hit but was still alive.

• 39:28Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Okay. My sister and I, seven and eight, were already upset at the situation before my mum whipped a knife out the glove box and jumped out the car.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  She's gonna, she's gonna have to kill the deer.

• 39:39Speaker 04

  My Scottish daddy's squeamish and cut from a very different cloth to my Danish barbarian mum. Not wanting to watch the execution, he reversed the car about a hundred metres, but it was dark. And my mum needed the headlights to see what she was doing.

• 39:52Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 39:53Speaker 04

  She sprinted back through the dark towards us, wielding the knife like Freddy Krueger and demanded he drive back to the poor deer on the road.

• 40:00Speaker 05

  She's doing a good thing.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  In a brief pit stop before our holiday started, we watched as a family as she executed the deer with her bare hands.

• 40:07Speaker 05

  Fucking God.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  She returned to her seat as if nothing had happened. We set off on a wholesome holiday. Keep it sex relatable, Fergus.

• 40:15Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 40:16Speaker 04

  The Scandies are like that though. They, they, they killed and like, did a thing on a giraffe at a zoo. Did you hear about that?

• 40:24Speaker 05

  No.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  They did a live, and what's it called when they open up an animal and go through it?

• 40:31Speaker 05

  A, um.

• 40:32Speaker 00

  Autopsy.

• 40:33Speaker 05

  Autopsy.

• 40:34Speaker 04

  And it got like bad, yeah, in two thousand and fourteen, they euthanised an eighteen-month healthy, eighteen-month-old healthy giraffe called Marius.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  And then they did like, the carcass was just dissected publicly at the zoo in front of visitors, including children.

• 40:52Speaker 05

  Oh, my God.

• 40:54Speaker 04

  The meat was fed to the zoo carnivores.

• 40:56Speaker 05

  Well, that's the grimmest thing I've ever heard.

• 40:58Speaker 04

  Well, they said that the reason they did it, his genes were too common in the European breeding programme and they're keeping him in risked in breeding.

• 41:06Speaker 05

  I don't deny that. I don't know what I'm talking about.

• 41:09Speaker 04

  I'd be quite interested to see what incest in giraffes look like. What would come out? Because they're a bit nutty already. Imagine an incest giraffe. A giraffe already looks like it's a product of incest.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Doesn't it?

• 41:22Speaker 05

  It is. Rob?

• 41:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:24Speaker 05

  Would you like to judge a solidarity or solid Karen?

• 41:27Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 41:27Speaker 05

  My fiance and I just got back from our holiday in Corfu and love to hear your opinions on a situation I encountered while watching England. Our hotel had a big TV in the lobby and was full of English fans waiting to watch England versus Norway. We had to get a seat out on the terrace and view the TV through the window. It was packed. Vibes were vibing, big Guinesses were, baby Guinesses were flowing. From the back of the terrace, there was a family with a dad with a deep Yorkshire, deepest Yorkshire accent I've ever heard. It travelled far. They're watching the game on their iPad, absolutely fine, but they were 45 seconds ahead.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Who were? The Yorkshire family?

• 42:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, who were watching it on the iPad. When Norway scored, you heard, oh, for fuck's sake, annoying, but brushed off. When England scored, he celebrated and ruined it for 70 plus English fans watching on the lobby TV. Chance filled the room. Turn it off, turn it off, fucking turn it off, et cetera. He was so vocal and winding everyone up, shouting about fouls, corners, yellow cards, 45 seconds before everyone else. Game ended and it was left at that. Three nights later, we play Argentina.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 42:38Speaker 05

  I guess he's primed waiting with his iPad at the back of the terrace.

• 42:41Speaker 04

  No.

• 42:43Speaker 05

  The lobby, lobby TV, so was lagging. So many people went out on the terrace and had the game up on their phones. We were all a couple of minutes ahead. When Gordon scored, everyone celebrated as quietly as they could out of respect for the lobby fans. But guess who didn't get the memo? When Argentina scored, I had enough of this knobhead. So I walked to the back of the terrace, talk about, is it about something else?

• 43:08Speaker 05

  And approached him and his family. Now, for context, I'm a five foot five girl against six foot six Yorkshire man.

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:15Speaker 05

  What I wanted to say was shut the fuck up, you fucking prick. You're ruining it for everyone. But I was a waitress, so my social skills have developed to deal with knobheads. Me, hi, sorry. I understand you're really passionate about the game, but you're ruining it for everyone down there and inside. I know it's hard, but would you mind trying to keep it down a little? So I replied, sorry, we have it on our iPad, so we're ahead. Yes, I understand that. But we do as well on being respectful to people around us. Wife, I've told him to be quiet, but he's a massive football fan. I cut her off here. Do you not think everyone is also a massive football fan? I've asked him, so he'll try, said the wife. I walked away here. The man didn't once look at me. His wife was the spokesperson for a group.

• 43:56Speaker 05

  Suddenly enough, I didn't hear a peep after that. Was I right to try and pull him up on it? Stay sexy and relatable, Katie.

• 44:04Speaker 04

  I, I think someone needed to say something.

• 44:07Speaker 05

  There is a problem with this, this day and age when things aren't at the same time. So when I was watching the final, uh, I was watching it through iPlayer or ITVX or whatever channel I was watching it on. I was watching it because our Sky isn't linked up at the moment because of, um, building work, obviously.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  Of course. You're laying on the floor with no Sky.

• 44:32Speaker 05

  Watching it on TV, yeah. And, um, and then when Spain scored in the final.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  Such a shit final. We're talking about football again, aren't we?

• 44:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, sorry. I, well, I got a text 30 seconds before saying, thank God.

• 44:49Speaker 04

  Oh, right.

• 44:51Speaker 05

  So I was behind, but I only realised when people were texting.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 44:57Speaker 05

  And that in itself, uh, it, it kind of kills the excitement, but it's quite thrilling to watch it play out like that.

• 45:05Speaker 04

  Well, that was, we had that when we were coming back from Vegas and we was watching the Mexico game. I was watching it before checking, so I couldn't check in yet and eyed up my iPad. There was, but there was someone ahead with faster connection. And they cheered and then we were waiting and it was a bit of a buzz, actually. And then, funny, when, um, we were watching the game and then a lady come out of the lift. Sort of dark haired, uh, Mexican, like Latino looking lady. And she looked over at us, she went, smiled and she went, sorry about that. And we went, what? And then we looked down, Mexico scored.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  She found out about it before she got in the lift. It's coming down in the lift, walked out the lift and she went, sorry about that. We went, what? And as she said that, bang, goal. It was like, oh, fuck. I actually got a photo with her on the plane because she was on, I can't find it. But, um, yeah, I don't, but I think she was right. I think he was right to say something.

• 45:56Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah, I agree.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  That family wasn't real. You sure about that?

• 46:15Speaker 06

  I had a father called Vision. How is this possible?

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  Now streaming on Disney+.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 47:04Speaker 05

  Right. One more email. Let's do a customer service revenge, Rob. And then you do your one and then we'll do a small business shout out. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Just wanted to share my customer service revenge story. It was around 2008. I was 18 years old, working for an energy call centre. The pay was good, but most customers were rude and awful. We used to hate Martin Lewis. As whenever he was on this morning discussing the latest energy news, the phones would go mad. Anyway, after two years, I handed my notice and it was my very last working day. One particular customer called and was being so rude to me. Her name was something like Miss Sifter. And at the end of the call, I changed it on the system to Mrs. Shitter.

• 47:48Speaker 05

  This was back in the day when you'd get a paper bill. So I took great pleasure in knowing the next 30 days, her door, her bill would be landing on her doormat with Mrs. Shitter on the envelope. I did feel bad for whatever colleague would end up taking the next call from her though, but it made me feel a lot better. Love you all on the podcast and P S. I reckon most listeners would agree, we don't care when you veer away from talking about parenting. If anything, it's your best work. Uh, F the Reddit haters. Kim from Gossport.

• 48:18Speaker 04

  Oh, thank you, Kim from Gossport. Talking of small towns.

• 48:23Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 48:24Speaker 04

  Weird local town traditions. Hello, sexy men. In Whitby, we celebrate the Whitby regatta. What started as a rowing race has become full of lots of weird traditions. When the town can afford it, we even get a visit from the Red Arrows.

• 48:36Speaker 05

  Oh, nice.

• 48:38Speaker 04

  I wonder how much that is? To get the Red Arrows for a flyer pass?

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Can't be much, can it? That's a lot of planes, a lot of people.

• 48:47Speaker 05

  Lot of planes, lot of people, that's.

• 48:48Speaker 04

  Sounds like they're desperate for a little day out anyway.

• 48:50Speaker 05

  How often are the Red Arrows working? They do like the Queen.

• 48:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're around a lot.

• 48:54Speaker 05

  The King. I'll never get used to that.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  They're like the Harlem Globetrotters, do they change?

• 48:57Speaker 05

  But you never like see them do an event like, you know, an England game or something. Like you very rarely see the Red Arrows.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  11 grand plus insurance. A Red Arrow Fly Pass does not have a standard fixed price tag, but earlier for charging guidelines, it's so it lists a full display package around 11 grand. So, and two and a half grand for insurance. Wild transit route Fly Pass are often free if conditions are met. Oh, so if you, they're already going somewhere, you can ask to reroute round.

• 49:26Speaker 05

  Oh, here we go.

• 49:27Speaker 04

  There we go. There we go. So you just need 11 grand for that.

• 49:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 49:34Speaker 04

  A large pole is, this is Whitby, weird traditions. A large pole is covered in Vaseline and oil and placed over the harbour with a small flag at the end. On the opposite side of the harbour are cocktail bars where people gather to watch the famous greasy pole. People, mainly men, take it in turns to try and retrieve the flag from the end of the pole.

• 49:52Speaker 05

  Great, great, great, great, great.

• 49:54Speaker 04

  With the majority of people landing in the harbour, if you manage to get the flag at the end, you win a crate of beer. Back in the day, they would cover the pole in boat oil. Abigail Featherstone, that sounds like, I like that as a tradition.

• 50:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'd love to watch that. I'd love to watch that. I'm sure it's on YouTube.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  I'd love to see a live stream of it.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  Yeah. Um, I think that's about us, Rob.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  Small business, small biz?

• 50:16Speaker 05

  Small biz, small biz.

• 50:18Speaker 04

  Hi, you pair of slags. I want to shout out my wife's business, Potty About Pets. Beth started a small business while making prosthetic limb covers. What the fuck? And after a year, she managed to turn her hobby into a full-time job. She makes bespoke pottery that captures the lightness of your pet from vases, mugs to cake toppers. She has battled so hard to make this work and would love a shower. Her Instagram is potty dot about dot pets. And her website is potty about, pottyaboutpets.co.uk. So she can make, I'm gonna have a look at this because it's hard to get your red round. Oh, they're great.

• 50:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  I like them. There you go. Oh, you'd love this, Joshua, your cats. You've got to get one.

• 51:00Speaker 05

  Okay, great. Potty about pets.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  They look really cool. I like the mugs.

• 51:04Speaker 05

  On Instagram?

• 51:06Speaker 04

  On the website. Oh, they can make your cats into a Christmas decoration. Look at that.

• 51:11Speaker 05

  Oh, yes.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  She's got lovely nails as well. Lovely nails in all the photos.

• 51:16Speaker 05

  Oh, well, there we go.

• 51:16Speaker 04

  Good on you. Good luck with that. Thank you, Owen, for sending that in about Beth's business.

• 51:22Speaker 05

  Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, I've started listening to the pod just after the arrival of my little one and I wish I'd found it sooner to prepare me for the realities of parenting. He is 18 months old now and I've just caught up with the back catalogue, aiming to be up to date by the time I see Josh on tour in Norwich. That was a while ago.

• 51:40Speaker 05

  I'm hoping for some small business shout out for my cousin Ben and his small business, Benissimo Pizza.

• 51:46Speaker 05

  They are a small family-run business selling gourmet stone-baked Italian pizzas from a converted horse box. Lovely. They are honestly delicious with a gorgeous sourdough crust. You could hire them for events in Norfolk, Suffolk, Cambridge and surrounding areas. Think parties, weddings, festivals, pub quizzes, whatever you need. Super proud of my cousin for setting this up. Needs recently quit his previous job to focus full-time on the venture. Find them on Instagram or Facebook. Just search Benissimo Pizza, B N I S S I M O. Tanto amore and stay sexy and relatable Louise, 374 months.

• 52:22Speaker 04

  Love it. I love pizza. I'm gonna have pizza tomorrow.

• 52:24Speaker 05

  I'm so hungry that talking about pizza there. And we've got to record some. We've got to record some ads, but my fucking yogurt is my tripod.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  Mate, you're so close to that yogurt. See you next time.

• 52:36Speaker 05

  Bye.

• 52:42Speaker 01

  From the studio that brought you WandaVision.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy.

• 52:54Speaker 02

  That family wasn't real. You sure about that?

• 52:56Speaker 06

  I had a father called Vision. How is this possible?

• 53:01Speaker 01

  Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Now streaming on Disney+.