Take a moment to reflect before the new year

The week between Christmas and New Year's Day is a good time to check in with yourself and take stock of the year. Reporter Kyle Norris talks with Buddhist Lama Rod Owens about how to get reflective during this time. Plus, a creative exercise to help you look back from cartoonist Nicole J. Georges. Sign up for Life Kit's Guide to Dry January, our special newsletter series: http://npr.org/dryjanuaryLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

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• 0:15Marielle Segarra?

  You're listening to Life Kit from NPR.

• 0:22Marielle Segarra?

  Hey, everybody, it's Marielle.

• 0:25Marielle Segarra?

  I don't know if y'all have ever felt this way, but a lot of the time between Christmas and New Year's, I get really gloomy. Life is so busy all the time, too busy, really. And then during that week, it comes to a standstill, right? The merriment of the holidays with all the bright lights and the cooking and the crafts, that's basically over. Plus, you might be traveling, visiting relatives, sleeping in a bed that's not your own. It's like you're suspended in time, waiting for your normal life to start again in the new year, with all the pressure and emotion that can bring. But this week, it doesn't have to feel so eerie. It can actually be a golden opportunity to get quiet and turn inward, to reflect on where you're at and where you're headed.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  I want to shake loose the past and actually lean into the future, but I want to shape the future as well, not just let the future happen.

• 1:19Marielle Segarra?

  That's the Buddhist teacher Lama Rad Owens. On this episode of Life Kit, how to slow down and reflect ahead of the new year. Reporter Kyle Norris talked to Lama Rad and to an artist who makes graphic novels. And they'll all share ideas and exercises that you can use this week to transition.

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• 2:53Marielle Segarra?

  Hey, quick question. How were your holidays? Did you have a good time? Maybe too good of a time? It's normal to have a couple of extra drinks around the holidays, but maybe you're thinking it's time to take a break. Maybe you've woken up hungover, or anxious, or felt more irritable or sluggish lately. Whatever your reason for wanting to take a break from alcohol, it can be difficult to navigate life without it. It's everywhere, at work events and parties, funerals and weddings. We use it to celebrate and to mark all kinds of transitions. That's why Life Kit has created a special newsletter series to help you get through the month without alcohol. We'll cover everything from how to deal with uncomfortable questions like, hey, why aren't you drinking? To some tasty alcohol-free drinks you can make at home.

• 3:38Marielle Segarra?

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• 3:50Speaker 04

  It's the holidays, and you're probably around some people. Family, friends, coworkers, customers, even the folks buzzing around you as you're traveling. And it can be a lot. Artist Nicole J. Georges wants to make sure amongst all these people you get some alone time.

• 4:06Speaker 05

  That's kind of sweet, sweet alone time, where you're actually just spending time with yourself. I mean, like, hello? Hello, you? How's it going?

• 4:14Speaker 04

  Nicole is a graphic novelist. She wrote a graphic novel memoir about a palm reader who revealed an old family secret. These days, Nicole teaches people about comics and graphic novels at California College of the Arts. And she brings us her first takeaway: create some sweet alone time for yourself. Let's call that S A T, sweet alone time. Nicole says spend the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve engaged in your practice if you have one. So that could be something artistic or something physical, as long as it's by yourself.

• 4:48Speaker 05

  Because for me, I'm so codependent that if other people are around me, I will have a hard time figuring out what I feel and what I want because I will be trying to respond to the needs of the people around me. And so it's really important for me to take some time alone. So whether that's a little walk by yourself, even like a 20 minute walk by yourself, whether that's journaling or just drawing by yourself for 20 minutes or an hour, or meditating, like the times when I'm away from people for a little bit helps me kind of fill up my cup and figure out what I actually want.

• 5:19Speaker 04

  Nicole says when you're deep in your SAT, think about what you did accomplish this year.

• 5:24Speaker 05

  It doesn't have to be like, I started a Fortune 500 company, I birthed several children, I won a marathon. It can be like, I meditated three times a month and that was pretty good for me. Or, you know, I got into nature this, or whatever you did that was like a small victory for you. Give yourself credit for what was really good about this year.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  What is the point of carving out some of this sweet alone time?

• 5:54Speaker 05

  I mean, the point of it is to actually have a little spaciousness so that you can get new ideas, getting other people's narratives out of your head so you have space for your own narrative. And so you could check in with yourself and be present in your own life. Say, hey, I see what you did this year. Good job.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Aw, why am I choking up? This is like, this is really darling, you know? What's that about?

• 6:18Speaker 05

  You might need some sweet alone time.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  I guess I do. Dang. That's why I'm making this episode, to figure this out.

• 6:26Speaker 04

  You know, a classic way to spend some SAT is to journal. But let's take journaling to the next level and tap Nicole for her artistic expertise by doing an exercise to help you reflect on your past year. And this is takeaway number two, get your thoughts down on paper. Out of the gate, if you are having some feelings about drawing, Or you think you're a bad drawer, or you don't even know how to draw? Nicole says drawing is part of the human experience and you get to do it without critique.

• 6:56Speaker 05

  Like, I love walking. I go on a trail every day. I don't have somebody saying like, "Oh, you're not good enough at walking. Your form isn't correct." It doesn't matter if my form's correct. I enjoy walking. It's a physical activity I'm doing. You can draw. It's a place you get to make for yourself on the page.

• 7:13Speaker 04

  Here's the exercise to get you started. You're gonna look back at the past year of your life. And Nicole wants you to know for the record, she learned this exercise from...

• 7:22Speaker 05

  Famous graphic novelist Lynda Barry teaches this exercise in her classes, and now I bring it to you.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  Fun fact, if you wanna go down a rabbit hole of cool drawing exercises, go to Lynda Barry's YouTube page. She's actually got a warm-up exercise you can do where she teaches you to draw a spiral while placing your focus in different parts of your body. Okay, back to this exercise. Go grab something to write with and find a piece of paper.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  An actual piece of paper, a physical piece of paper. It's okay if it's like the back of a bill. Go look for your garbage, whatever.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  Draw two lines to divide your paper into four big boxes, kinda like a windowpane with four distinct squares. And make the top two panels a little bigger than the bottom two. We start at the top-left box. You're gonna write "did/happened." Then write the numbers 1 through 10.

• 8:13Speaker 05

  I'm gonna write down 10 things that I did or that happened.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  And time yourself for three to five minutes for each of these boxes. Nicole says be specific and write down stuff that's big and small.

• 8:25Speaker 05

  It could be things as small as "I took a walk every day," or "I brushed my dog's teeth three times."

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Then move to the top-right box, where you'll list things you experienced with your senses. Write down these words.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  Saw, heard, smelled, tasted, touched.

• 8:42Speaker 05

  What are some things you saw this year or smelled or tasted or touched, heard, one through 10?

• 8:47Speaker 04

  Nicole says part of being a good writer is becoming a good observer and listener.

• 8:52Speaker 05

  Really listening for things as I'm out in the world and really noticing details out in the world. And the more I can notice details from my own life, the more present I am in my own life.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  Time yourself for three to five minutes on this box, then move to the bottom left. Write the word "overheard" in this baby box.

• 9:08Speaker 05

  You can write something that you overheard or something somebody said that really stuck out to you in 2024. And then in the bottom right-hand corner, I want you to just draw one moment from 2024. And I want you to be in it and I want your full body to be in it.

• 9:24Speaker 04

  And don't stress your artistic talent and worry about what your drawings look like.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  It's not going to help them come out. If a baby deer was born and it was wobbly on its legs, it's not going to help it for people to yell at it and say, "Boo, boo, not good enough." That's not helpful. Let it be wobbly. Let your art be wobbly.

• 9:44Speaker 04

  I love the sentence, "Let your art be wobbly." Absolutely something I would maybe tattoo on my body. If you're struggling when it comes to drawing yourself, remember, your drawings can look like anything.

• 9:57Speaker 05

  You can draw a cloud with a face. You can draw a triangle with arms and legs. You could draw a little ball with cat ears on it and little stick arms and legs. Give it a face, call it yourself.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  I asked Nicole why she wants us to do this exercise.

• 10:10Speaker 05

  My hope in this is that people get a moment of reflection and presence in their life. Give yourself credit for what happened this year, what you did well, and then just give yourself a couple of small actionable things that might be a gift to yourself.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  She says a gift could be some scheduled SAT, that sweet alone time, or doing something you love. For her, a gift is going on a nature walk and not wearing headphones.

• 10:39Speaker 05

  Don't give yourself a chore. Don't give yourself harassment. What's that gift going to be?

• 10:48Speaker 04

  That drawing exercise helped us review the past year. And you can use your observations for takeaway number three, which is to do a laid back meditation and take stock of the year and let it go. This takeaway comes from Lama Rod Owens. Lama Rod's website calls him a black Buddhist southern queen. And the title Lama means teacher in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition in which he is ordained. For takeaway number three, Lama Rod shares his version of SAT. He says, set aside a little bit of time this week. We're talking five or 10 minutes for what he calls an informal ceremony. Lama Rod says you can do this at home in a quiet place in the evening and light a candle.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  He says he loves the energy of candlelight.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  Something natural, something elemental in the space that reminds me of, I would say, my natural self and the natural world, right? Getting that candle and just as you light the candle, just thinking about that this candle literally represents the light in the world. And no matter how much we're struggling to be well and content or happy or just how much we're struggling to survive in general, like there's still light.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  Lama Rod says the candlelight represents joy and belonging and gratitude, which he says you can focus on.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  Starting the time and the space with reflecting on what you're really grateful for, you know, what are you grateful for in terms of the year? Like, what do you, what excited you? What, what got you going? What were you grateful for?

• 12:31Speaker 04

  If you had a tough year that you don't necessarily want to rehash, Lama Rod says this technique of feeling gratitude and joy can be especially helpful and that you can anchor yourself in the things you're grateful for. Lama Rad also says make a space for acknowledging some of the disappointments from the past year and for grief. He does this once the candlelight's been burning for a bit.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  I like to just start reflecting on the things that have changed, the loss that I've experienced, the people that have transitioned in my life, offering prayers or aspirations that wherever they are now, that they're being cared for, you know, that they're happy, that they're free and so forth and so on. And just really allowing myself to notice that, to feel this and just to imagine this really offering this experience of grief lots of space.

• 13:28Speaker 04

  During this quiet time Lama Rad says you can mentally cruise through the past year of your life with a sense of curiosity.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  What am I still confused about? What do I still have questions around? I like to go back and say, okay, oh, what happened there? Like, I didn't spend a lot of time with that interaction with someone or that, whatever it was, you know? So I go back and I just kind of go back and just reflect, unpack and just let it go, you know? Just like, yeah, I get this now, let it go.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  Here's a pro tip for letting go of feelings or an experience. Lama Rad says visualize those feelings as if they were a cloud in motion.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Just seeing it as like this cloud floating through the sky of your mind, right? Or a wave rising up from the ocean.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  There's also a Buddhist practice where you take a small piece of paper and write down everything from the past year you want to let go of. Light the paper on fire and drop it in a bowl of water. Lama Rad says this quiet practice in which you feel gratitude and grief and curiosity can open space for what you want to change in the following year. And now's the time to do some magical dreaming to help shape your future. Lama Rad says he thinks of dreaming kind of like time traveling.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  You know, we time travel all the time and I know that because most of us are stuck in the past. And so if we're stuck in the past, you know, then I also think we have the capacity to choose the future as well. You know, like I wanna, I wanna shake loose the past and actually lean into the future. But I wanna shape the future as well, not just let the future happen.

• 15:22Speaker 04

  Lama Rod says shaping the future is rooted in the present. And this is our takeaway number four. Spend some time dreaming about your future. Lama Rod likes to dream in the morning, which surprised me. To start your dreaming, Lama Rod says first suspend any doubts or limitations that you have. Instead, be imaginative and ask yourself.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  What is my ultimate, complete, golden scenario vision for, for the future?

• 15:53Speaker 04

  If you do feel limited or you find yourself saying something isn't possible.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  You have to pay attention to that and say, you know what? That's not what I'm doing. I'm not talking about what is possible. I'm talking about what I want to manifest, what I want to see happen.

• 16:09Speaker 04

  And Lama Rod knows this approach works because he used it to manifest his most recent book called The New Saints.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  It was like, okay, I'm gonna go really big.

• 16:18Speaker 04

  He says he was very specific with his dreaming.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  For me, my dream was to offer something that could help people get free from suffering.

• 16:28Speaker 04

  From there, space opened up in his life for him to write this book. Lama Rod says you'll also want to get clear on your needs because that can enhance your dreaming.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Am I getting everything that I need, right? And then I transition into wants, like what do I want on top of my needs? I have found that when I get clear about my needs, my wants begin to change.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  As for figuring out what you want, Lama Rod loves a vision board.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  I think vision board can sound super cliche and new age. However. Some people that I deeply respect in this world are very adamant about a visioning board for the upcoming year. And so I started doing that and found that to be really helpful.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  He collects images from magazines and downloads them from the internet. And he chooses images that represent his goals and aspirations and hopes for the new year. Then he arranges them on a poster board and puts that someplace where he can see it every day. If you have aspirations for a collective world, like peace and stability, put those images on your vision board. And if you need more material resources, like money, put that cash up on your vision board and call in that energy.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Because a vision board is really about calling energy, you know, of prosperity into our lives, right? But it's hard to call that energy into your life when you're not clear about what you need or want to see. So instead of just like hoping for something to happen and having a vague aspiration, get concrete. Like this is a time to get concrete about what you want to see next year. And that makes it much more likely for results to happen.

• 18:19Speaker 04

  Lama Rad says a vision board is about creating the causes and conditions for these things to happen in your life. Okay, let's recap some ways you can be reflective. Takeaway number one, create some SAT in your life, that sweet alone time. We're talking a short walk, or do some journaling, or make some art with a goal of checking in with yourself and listening to your heart. For takeaway number two, do an easy and fun drawing exercise where you can reflect on your last year. The point is to express your creativity and feel a little presence and sweetness. Takeaway number three, find a cozy, quiet place and do an informal meditation. Light a candle and spend a little time thinking about your

• 19:04Speaker 04

  past year. Ponder what you're grateful for and also make a space for feeling some grief. Then for takeaway number four, do some bold dreaming about. What Lama Rod calls your ultimate, complete, golden scenario vision for the future. You can even make a vision board to call in the energy you want in your life. And here's a little stocking stuffer of a takeaway. You've probably sensed that the vibe of this episode is chill and even solo. You can incorporate this approach for celebrating the new year, too, and weave in a little sweet alone time on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  There's something about being really still and quiet as the old year transitions. I just kind of want to meet the new year in as much awareness as possible.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  And remember, you can use these tools for being quiet and still any time of the year, whenever you need it. Happy New Year.

• 20:09Marielle Segarra?

  That was reporter Kyle Norris. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes. Kyle hosted an episode about public speaking and another about how to make a great salad. You can find those at npr.org/lifekit. And if you love Life Kit and want even more, subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org/lifekitnewsletter. Also, we love hearing from you. So if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, email us at [email protected]. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Sylvie Douglas. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Gharib. Megan Cain is our supervising editor, and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagel,

• 20:50Marielle Segarra?

  Claire Marie Schneider, and Margaret Sereno. Engineering support comes from Stacy Abbott, Gilli Moon, and Phil Edforce. I'm Marielle Segarra. Thanks for listening and happy reflecting.

• 21:07Speaker 00

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