How to cut down on drinking

If you want to drink less or give up alcohol completely, it's natural to feel scared or anxious at first. What do you do at parties? What if people think you're boring? And how can you deal with temptation? Casey Davidson, sobriety coach and host of the Hello Someday podcast, has tips for those starting a sobriety journey. And she argues that everyone would benefit from an evaluation of when and how alcohol shows up in their lives. Sign up for Life Kit's Guide to Dry January, our special newsletter series: http://npr.org/dryjanuaryLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:19Marielle Segarra?

  You're listening to Life Kit from NPR. Hey, everybody, it's Marielle. Alcohol is everywhere in our culture. Think about how many bars and liquor stores are in your city or town, how many ads you see on social media and on TV, how many times your favorite character on your favorite show pours themselves a nice glass of bourbon or sips an ice cold beer.

• 0:46Marielle Segarra?

  Understandably, then, it's easy to forget that alcohol is really not good for us. Drinking increases your risk of certain types of cancers and other chronic diseases. In fact, the World Health Organization says there's no safe amount of alcohol to drink. In the short term, drinking can also give you hangovers, interrupt your sleep, drain your wallet, and sometimes hurt your relationships. So what do you think about taking a break? Some people do this for a month, dry January, sober October, some do it for longer. Casey Davidson is a sobriety coach and host of the Hello Someday podcast for sober, curious women. She quit drinking about nine years ago. At the time, she was drinking a bottle of wine a night, seven nights a week.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  That's weirdly not as unusual as you might think it is.

• 1:29Marielle Segarra?

  Casey acknowledges that it can be scary to stop drinking, even for a little while. You're afraid that you won't know what to do with your time, that you won't be fun anymore, that your life will be empty, or you'll seem boring.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  If you have based a lot of your connections at work, or with friends, or with dates, on drinking, it's OK to be a little uncomfortable doing it alcohol-free. I mean, you should expect that you will try to figure out what to do with your hands, or what to think about, or what to talk about.

• 2:01Marielle Segarra?

  But she says there's another side to life, once you get over that hump.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  You will connect with people more deeply. You will get to know yourself better. You will find other strategies to relax. So I always think that it's a growth opportunity to figure out who you are, to be more confident in who you are, and to navigate life without a substance that sort of turns off your mind.

• 2:28Marielle Segarra?

  On this episode of Life Kit, how to navigate life without alcohol, whether you're taking a break for 30 days or longer. We'll talk about when to involve a doctor, what to expect in the first couple of weeks, and how you can retrain yourself to seek other kinds of pleasure and rewards. Because alcohol is not the only way to feel good.

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• 4:25Marielle Segarra?

  Before we get back to the episode, I want to tell you about a special newsletter series we're offering here at Life Kit. It's about how to participate in Dry January. When you sign up, you'll get a weekly email to help you through your break from alcohol. We'll cover everything from how to deal with uncomfortable questions, like, why aren't you drinking? To how to make tasty, alcohol-free drinks. You can sign up at npr.org/dryjanuary. And you can also find the link in the description for this episode.

• 4:56Marielle Segarra?

  Casey, tell me about your drinking origin story. When did you first start drinking and what made you stop?

• 5:01Speaker 02

  I mean, I started drinking a couple of times in high school, but not a ton. And then I went to college and I loved it, but got very used to having nights. I didn't completely remember having really bad hangovers and thinking that as long as you could go to school and get A's and succeed, it was all good. It was, you know, the definition of a really good time. And so I was always a drinker after that. I tried to do everything I could to keep it in my life. You know, every rule I could make about only drink two drinks a night, or only three days a week, or only on the weekends. And it never worked for very long.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  And I found that just not drinking was so much easier than trying to keep it in my life. And I felt so much better that after a period of time, I didn't want to go back.

• 5:53Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah, you say keep it in your life, almost like it was a person, you know? Like a person who does things that make you feel bad, but you still love them. Like, why do you think you wanted to keep alcohol in your life at all?

• 6:06Speaker 02

  You know, I think we are ingrained in the society we live in to think that alcohol is helping us. Like, I, for the longest time, thought that alcohol was the solution to my stress and the solution to not being able to sleep, and that it helped me connect and manage motherhood in a more relaxing way. It wasn't until I removed alcohol from my life that I realized that I was more relaxed and happier and more present with my husband and could connect more with my kids and do a better job.

• 6:42Marielle Segarra?

  I wonder if for folks who are considering giving up drinking, even for a time, Might it help to ask themselves what they're actually getting from drinking? Like what role it plays in their lives?

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Absolutely, because we keep alcohol in our life for a reason. I think when you write down what you think alcohol is helping you with, that gives you a really good list of things that you can experiment with to find other ways to meet those needs.

• 7:14Marielle Segarra?

  So it's a little bit of a pro con list. What you think you're getting from alcohol and then also what you know it's blocking for you.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 7:28Marielle Segarra?

  Okay, takeaway one is to assess when alcohol shows up in your life and for what reason? That can help you evaluate what you actually use it for and how you can shift away from needing it.

• 7:42Marielle Segarra?

  I mean, I've heard from friends that they, they don't want to stop drinking or they just can't stop drinking because that is how they socialize or it's how they date. How can you, if you're considering this, reimagine your social life without alcohol?

• 7:56Speaker 02

  I feel like sometimes a drink is just a shorthand for I want to hang out with you. I mean, if someone asks you to go out to coffee, they honestly don't care if you ordered tea or not. There are so many non-alcoholic options, but try new activities, whether it's picking up a bunch of books or taking up guitar or going to a yoga class, moving from happy hours to brunches. There are so many things that you can do that don't involve drinking.

• 8:30Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah, it's so funny that we think almost to like, to seal the connection between you and another person, you have to imbibe or, or break bread together, right? And there is something to that. I think there's something very human about that, but it doesn't have to be alcohol and. I say this as somebody who doesn't drink anymore. For dating in particular, I have found, I think it's better without alcohol, especially early dates, because, because you know how you really feel in the moment. If you're drinking, then you might think you like someone a little more than you do. You're not getting a really good idea of them. They're not getting a really good idea of you.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I hear that all the time. And I think that when you're dating someone and you are drinking, and that's a big part of your relationship, you ignore a lot of red flags or you're not as present and can't pick up on as many social cues as you would if you were alcohol-free.

• 9:24Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah.

• 9:27Marielle Segarra?

  On that note, what are some things that you think could actually be better or more meaningful without alcohol?

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Honestly, I think almost everything is more meaningful without alcohol. I mean, being present with your kids is a lot easier when you're not drinking. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit that after a long day, I would really want to rush through bedtime to get back downstairs and have my glass of wine and be off the clock. And there are a lot of those moments after I stopped drinking where I was like, this is really beautiful and it's very calming for me to cuddle my daughter and lay down with her and scratch her back.

• 10:09Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway two, imagine your social life without alcohol. Think about how you'd like to spend your time and who you'd like to spend it with. Drinking less can actually make it easier to connect with people and form genuine relationships. How do you know if you have a very serious problem and you might need to engage the help of someone else in order to stop drinking?

• 10:33Speaker 02

  It is a spectrum, so everyone is different. If you have a physical addiction to alcohol, withdrawal can be incredibly dangerous and, and possibly even deadly. So if you are worried about stopping drinking and having symptoms more than a bad hangover, I highly recommend talking to your doctor, going to detox. I think that for anyone who is worried about their drinking, taking a longer period of time without alcohol. Is important, and I think it's beneficial for anyone just to see how they feel without it. And if you have trouble doing that, I think it's time to enlist more support.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  And there are a million layers of support, everything from listening to podcasts and reading books to joining online sobriety groups and programs to hiring a sober coach to inpatient or outpatient rehab.

• 11:33Marielle Segarra?

  Let's talk about the break. A lot of people will do a 30 day break, you know, sober October, dry January, that sort of thing. And we actually have a newsletter that helps people go through a month without alcohol. But what do you think of those? Like, is 30 days enough time? Is that a good way to start?

• 11:52Speaker 02

  I recommend a 100 day break from alcohol to really institute the habit of not drinking and experience ups and downs in your life and work stress and celebrations and date nights without alcohol for it to become your new normal. That said, I love dry January. I love sober October because it normalizes the idea of taking a break from drinking. But if you're just doing a 30 day break, the danger is that in the first two weeks, the withdrawal from alcohol is real. Even if you don't drink a ton, your sleep will

• 12:32Speaker 02

  be interrupted, you will be tired, you'll have less energy. Once you get past that, you start feeling much better. You actually start feeling more joy and more emotionally stable and more excited about life and sober sleep is fantastic. But if you're just doing a month, you tend to spend the first two weeks not feeling great, feeling irritated. And then the next two weeks, you're basically counting down to drinking as your reward. So you never sort of rewire your reward system to expand to other ways of relaxing or finding joy.

• 13:12Marielle Segarra?

  Let's talk about that. So how do you rewire that reward system? And especially if you're like, you know what, I want to transition from this to drinking alcohol way less or stopping entirely?

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, my favorite thing to suggest is to actually plan out what I call sober treats. And in the beginning, in your first week or two, I recommend planning them out every single day. So for example, on Friday nights, instead of getting a bottle of wine, I would maybe get a pedicure. During the week, it might be blocking off an hour on my calendar and going for a walk somewhere really nice with music on, getting sushi takeout and watching a movie. And honestly, once you stop drinking, like waking up feeling good, feeling clear eyed, being in your home in the morning when it's quiet with coffee, that's a sober treat.

• 14:11Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway three, everyone's relationship to alcohol is different. A more severe alcohol use disorder can look like struggling to limit your drinking or failing to meet obligations at work or at home because of it. You might also experience withdrawal symptoms like shaking and nausea when alcohol wears off. If you think you might have a dependency on alcohol or you're at risk of a dangerous withdrawal, get medical support. For everyone else, Casey suggests starting with a long break, maybe 100 days, and planning sober treats for yourself every day for the first two weeks.

• 14:46Marielle Segarra?

  If you find yourself in a situation where you have to go to a space where a lot of people are going to be drinking, what can you do to support yourself there?

• 14:56Speaker 02

  Couple of things I recommend. First is eat something and eat something with protein before you go. Hunger is a huge trigger to drink. I would say tell someone in advance, if you can at all, that you're not drinking. And you can do this even going to a party really casually saying, "Hey, I'm so excited to see you. It'll be fantastic. By the way, I'm not drinking." The last thing I would say is absolutely don't volunteer to be a designated driver just because you're not drinking. People tend to immediately say, "Oh, you're doing a no alcohol challenge. Great, you can drive us." And then you're stuck there till the end with a whole bunch of people who might get drunk, and it's really annoying.

• 15:41Marielle Segarra?

  Yeah, I love that. I mean, I feel like at a bar especially, every element of it is designed to get you to drink alcohol. And so sometimes in these scenarios, I also will take a step outside for a minute. And the cold air on my face and just it not being so loud reminds me like it gives me a chance to check in with myself and say, do I actually even want to be here right now? And then I might leave.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  I love that suggestion. If something won't be any fun if you don't drink, it's probably just not very fun. And like you said, you don't have to be in all those situations or you can go and stay a limited period of time.

• 16:25Marielle Segarra?

  I wonder how can we support our friends who are sober, even if we aren't ourselves?

• 16:31Speaker 02

  The first thing that you can do is if someone tells you that they're not drinking tonight or taking a break from alcohol, don't ask them why they're not drinking. Don't encourage them to just have one or say, oh, but I thought we were gonna, you know, have a really fun time tonight, implying that you won't because they're not drinking. The other thing you can do is have non-alcoholic options on hand. My good friends who were my biggest drinking friends for years, whenever I go over to their place now, they have my favorite non-alcoholic beer on hand. And they're like, hey, don't worry, I've got a six pack of what you love.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  And it's really kind and inclusive and incredible.

• 17:22Marielle Segarra?

  Takeaway four, if you're newly sober and you're headed to a situation where people will be drinking, eat some food beforehand, preferably something protein heavy. Let your friends know and don't feel obligated to be the designated driver. If you're supporting a sober friend, you can make it easier for them by, first of all, not questioning their decision not to drink and also offering non-alcoholic options if they come to your place. There are lots of ideas you can find online, but some of my favorites, warm hazelnut milk with cinnamon, apple juice spritzers, kombucha, peppermint tea, and any kind of coconut Mokto.

• 17:58Marielle Segarra?

  What's different about your life since you stopped drinking?

• 18:02Speaker 02

  Drinking took up a lot of time, both in my life, but also in my mind. I was constantly thinking about drinking, trying to drink less, rationalizing drinking. That whole ticker tape of thinking went away. Once I got out of early sobriety and I just got to navigate my life without having that constant noise in my head, there was just so much more time and brain space open in my life. And so, since then, I've gone back to school and left my corporate job and started a coaching

• 18:42Speaker 02

  practice and a podcast, and I have more confidence than I ever did when I was drinking. You know, when I was drinking, I felt all that imposter syndrome and don't feel that anymore. You really do feel like you can do anything.

• 18:58Marielle Segarra?

  That's a nice feeling. Well, Casey, thank you so much. This has been really helpful.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

• 19:09Marielle Segarra?

  All right, time for a recap. Make a list of where alcohol shows up in your life and what you're using it for. Then imagine your life without it. What sorts of activities have you always wanted to try? What would you do if you had more energy or if you weren't dealing with a hangover on Sunday morning? Also, get support. There are medical professionals, online forums, in-person groups, podcasts, and more. Don't feel like you have to go to bars. And if you do, don't think you have to volunteer as the designated driver. Also, plan sober treats for yourself. Lastly, your friends can help support you, especially in social situations with alcohol. Don't be afraid to lean on them.

• 19:49Marielle Segarra?

  If you're inspired to take a break from alcohol, we have a special newsletter to help you. Sign up at npr.org/dryjanuary. You'll get a weekly email with strategies for dealing with the social pressure that comes with not drinking alcohol, along with mocktail recipes and more. Again, you can sign up at npr.org/dryjanuary. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes. We've got one on the health benefits of doing Dry January and another on the science of hangovers. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Margaret Serino. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Greb. Megan Cain is our supervising editor, and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle, Claire Marie Schneider, and Sylvie Douglas.

• 20:32Marielle Segarra?

  Engineering support comes from Robert Rodriguez. I'm Marielle Segarra. Thanks for listening.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Stay tuned for the following announcements and messages from our sponsors.