Touring, Stand-Up Nerves and Pre-Show Routines

What's the best way to get ready for a stand-up show? This week, the boys attempt to settle who is the more likeable of the two, using the only reliable measure available: an Instagram poll. Then it’s life on the road: stand-up nerves, pre-show rituals, a gobo, a tour programme and the great merch debate. There’s a complaint about the pre-show music, a flyer campaign that lasted a single night, and a backstage emergency that really should stay between friends. Send your emails to [email protected] A Ranga Bee Production. Chapters: 00:00 Intro01:04 Tom’s favourite ever text from Romesh (a backstage emergency)06:02 Roleplay: the front of house manager15:43 Why being approached in public is awkward21:02 Who’s more likeable?27:07 Gig nerves31:06 Pre-show routines35:21 The red microphone37:44 What goes in a tour programme?43:47 FPL formulas and Theo’s advice44:47 Listener complaints about the freestyle words47:25 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  It's time.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  For.

• 0:03Speaker 00

  The.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Wolf.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  And.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 0:08Speaker 00

  Podcast.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  Boom. That's a nice way of opening.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  What do you think some, is this the main app or is the email app?

• 0:14Speaker 01

  I don't know. Do you know the email app is really getting some momentum now?

• 0:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're enjoying the email app.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  I like them. I like them. I like to touch base with people. I like to just be a part of things.

• 0:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:23Speaker 01

  You know, just people reach out and we respond and that's something very sacred.

• 0:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, we can't ever.

• 0:29Speaker 00

  You okay? What happened there?

• 0:31Speaker 01

  I had.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  Little, is your little sandwich repeating on it?

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Sandwich was beautiful. Shout out to Zoe. The chicken wrap, like it's very, uh, good though. Nice bit of salad in it, bit of hummus.

• 0:41Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  Hummus. Um, yeah, I feel good. I feel revitalized.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  Certainly give the studio a, uh, an edge.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  How's your farting been recently?

• 1:05Speaker 00

  My farting?

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, bit of a time with it.

• 1:09Speaker 00

  Well, that's not true, but, um.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Actually, can I just say?

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  I got one of my favorite ever texts from you the other day.

• 1:18Speaker 00

  I can't believe you're gonna share this.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  No, yeah, but, but it's so unlike you.

• 1:23Speaker 00

  Okay, let's do it.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:26Speaker 00

  I went to, I'm not gonna say the venue, because I don't want them to know. I was doing a work in progress.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  Beautiful place.

• 1:32Speaker 00

  Tom had text me, I don't, you text me something quite sweet beforehand.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably good luck. I'm thinking of you. Go well, brother.

• 1:39Speaker 00

  Anyway.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  As I do.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  I arrived at the venue, Gratz was doing, checking out the lighting and the sound and all that.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  As he does, as is his way.

• 1:46Speaker 00

  And I was desperate for a poops.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50Speaker 00

  So I went for a poops.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  I flushed.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  And it wouldn't go down.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  So you were talking one big log, right?

• 1:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  See, you were so sort of, you were so quite resilient to share this kind of, did you take, I can't believe you didn't take a picture.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Um, it's, it's not in my nature to take a picture, but, um.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Were you proud of it?

• 2:15Speaker 00

  No, it led to an incredible panic from me.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  Because I was just, what happens now?

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Well, you, either you or Gratz has got to take the blame for it.

• 2:23Speaker 00

  So the water was trickling back into the cistern like this.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  So I thought, I am, I am about fifteen minutes away from giving this another attempt.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change, your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just five dollars. Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 2:57Speaker 04

  This episode is brought to you by Universal Pictures' Focker-in-law. Spin this Thanksgiving with the Fockers. The beloved Meet the Parents franchise returns with a twist. Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller are back. Joined by Ariana Grande as the newest member of the family. Get ready for laughs, unexpected surprises, and a hilarious new chapter of the family saga. Focker-in-law, rated PG-13, only in theaters this Thanksgiving. Get tickets now.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Jeez. Did you have to cut it up or did it?

• 3:28Speaker 00

  No, I didn't.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  I can report.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  Um, thankfully the sound check took longer than it normally does.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  I made multiple attempts. I can tell you that on the fifth attempt, I was able to.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 3:45Speaker 00

  Get rid of it.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  So obviously some service matter had been knocked away and it was a slightly smaller.

• 3:50Speaker 00

  I guess so. Yeah, the girth had been reduced.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like, uh, what's.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  What a start to the pod.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  No, I, I completely forgot about it and there, yeah, there it is.

• 3:59Speaker 00

  I, I, do you know what? It is actually the sort of thing I would tell Lisa, but, um, I wouldn't, it's not something I would, I certainly wouldn't have talked about it on the podcast. I did not brought it up.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, but I was so proud of you.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  But I shared it with you because I thought it's the sort of thing, you know, sometimes when you think, oh, this person will like this.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  I got a massive kit for it.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  You really enjoyed it.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  And I told Catherine.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  We were out for dinner with friends. I went, oh, you'll never guess what.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  Please tell me that's a joke.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  Of course it is.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  All right. But did you tell Catherine?

• 4:28Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I don't think I've mentioned it.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  I mean, what's, I don't know why I'm so worried about her not getting out now. It's on the fucking podcast.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Grace should have been proud of you.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  I think actually, here's the thing.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think by the way, everyone should just be chill out about having poo.

• 4:43Speaker 00

  No, I get that. But I walked into the toilet without checking what I was dealing with.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  Right? And that was naive of me, actually. I think if we're trying to look for a life lesson, what I should have done is actually done a test flush to see if this thing's got anything about it.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  What you could always do as well, just as a thing, if you're ever in that situation, is put toilet paper in the toilet first. So then you've got another, like, you know, um, you know, when they do sea rescues and they rescue people and like in a hammock.

• 5:12Speaker 00

  I'm not gonna pull it back out. If that's what you're suggesting.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's when they do a sea rescue and they pull it out like in a thing, yeah, a winch, yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  And then do what with that?

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Well, put it in the bin, I guess, or.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  In the bin?

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:27Speaker 01

  I've never been in that situation.

• 5:29Speaker 00

  I, I was, you've never had, you've never been in that situation?

• 5:32Speaker 01

  I've never been in a situation, yeah, where I've, I've needed to winch it out.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Right.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  But, yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  Neither have I.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  No, but I've been in a situation where I've had a blockage.

• 5:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you, also by the way, I've got more, I'd be able to go out and go, oi, what's going on with that bloody toilet? It won't flush.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, so that, that, I don't have that in my arsenal unfortunately. But I, I, I was just fucking, you, you know what I'm like? I'm a Heimshyser.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. So it must have been urgent.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  It was urgent.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  How would you have dealt with it?

• 6:00Speaker 00

  And then, and then, do you know what happened to me? I thought this is exactly why I don't fucking do this.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:05Speaker 00

  Because I've rolled the dice on it. Well, it's, if you think about it, I'm somebody that very reluctantly does that.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  I've done it and I've been punished for it.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. Can you, can I, how would you have dealt with it if you couldn't have flushed it?

• 6:19Speaker 00

  Well, I was, I was panicking. I was thinking, um, at some point you've got to say something.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Would you have gone to Gratz?

• 6:25Speaker 00

  Hmm, I don't know. I would have gone to Gratz.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  Would you have gone to like the sort of front of house manager? What would you say?

• 6:31Speaker 00

  I don't know. I hadn't, I hadn't got that far in my thinking. I, I, I wasn't allowing myself to indulge in that as a possibility.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  I, I kind of wanna run it.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Just to see how you deal with it.

• 6:42Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Right, I'm front of house manager, Valerie. Right. Okay, I'll, as you can see, it's a busy show. Ramesh Frank and Ethan's on this evening. Blimey heck. One person at a time, please.

• 6:54Speaker 00

  Excuse me.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  Oh, the man himself, Ramesh Frank and Ethan.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  Can I help you?

• 7:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, Valerie, I was just.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Is it something important?

• 7:02Speaker 00

  Um, well, it's just a bit embarrassing really.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Okay, uh, everyone stop for a second. Ramesh is quite embarrassed about something he's got to say, so I'm gonna go out into the back room and chat to him there.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Come on, my love. What's happened? Are you okay?

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, um, is, is there, um.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  Is there a problem with, uh, the, the dressing room toilet?

• 7:25Speaker 01

  No, I had a crap in there before the show and it was fine. There's no problem there.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  Um.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  It's just that, well, I, I, look, it's, it's very difficult thing to sort of, I, I'm kind of a bit shy about this sort of thing, but.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  What have you done?

• 7:40Speaker 00

  Basically, I've used the toilet and it won't flush.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  What, the flush is broken?

• 7:44Speaker 00

  It's not broken, but, I mean, it will flush, but the flush isn't sufficient to get rid of what's in the toilet.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Sorry, I don't understand. What's happened? What have you put in the toilet?

• 7:54Speaker 00

  Well, like you did, Valerie, I took a. I, I did a poopsie.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Okay, but do you want, should we go and have a, let's have a look at this.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't, I've got to be honest with you. It was as much as I could do to talk.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Give me a second, please, because you could see front of house is busy. As we have a very well-known comedian playing tonight.

• 8:11Speaker 00

  No, I get it. Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  You're talking about me, yeah.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  Hello, everyone. Sorry for a second. We've got a bit of an urgent situation back in Ramesh's dressing room. I don't wanna get into it, but yes, um, it's all quite, um. How do I say? What should I say?

• 8:25Speaker 00

  I don't think you need to tell him anything actually, Valerie.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I'm not telling you anymore. It's a secret. He told me he's embarrassed.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Okay, quick, let's go. I'd love it if you'd have handled that differently, Valerie. I've got to be honest with you.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Right, let's have a look at this toilet.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  Um.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Cool, wow, it is a big boy, isn't it?

• 8:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, um, right, okay, we've actually had this before, uh, with another act, I won't name names, but Kerry Godleman was here a couple of months ago.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Um, right, that's, okay, um, do you mind if I call Ian?

• 9:17Speaker 00

  Um, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, uh, yeah, I guess so, what is, what is Ian?

• 9:22Speaker 01

  He's my cousin, but he's also a plumber.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Right.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  So let me call him. Hello Ian, love. Yeah, no, it's Valerie from the theatre. Yeah, you're cousin Valerie, yeah.

• 9:31Speaker 00

  I'm really sorry about this, Valerie.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, I thought you were gonna say something else. Um, oh no, we've got a bit of an incident here in dressing room one. Uh, a certain Mr. Ranganathan, don't wanna name names, um, is performing tonight. Oh no, he's gonna get a free ticket.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  Um, well, I mean, if he sorts this talk out, yeah.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Well, he said if you, he's had a rather hefty poo and it needs, yeah, yeah, that, that's fine, yeah. Yeah, we had, yeah, exactly the same as Kerry. Um, so yeah, if you head down, okay, Ian's coming on his way. So it'll all be sorted. Can I just say, I respect you for owning up to this so much. Not all of the acts, I'm not naming names, um, have done such a thing, so.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  Who are the other people?

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Josh Whittaker, Kerry Godleman.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Um, and Chloe Pets have all

• 10:21Speaker 01

  done a similar thing.

• 10:22Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  So.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  Uh, it's just, it's my dress, obviously, like, it's my dressing room, it would've been very difficult to cover that up.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, no, but you're a good man.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  Um, just on a separate thing, why did you take a shit in my dressing room?

• 10:34Speaker 01

  It's the only working toilet in the whole building.

• 10:37Speaker 00

  That's the only working toilet in the whole building?

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:39Speaker 00

  What were the, so?

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Apart from the public ones.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  Oh, right, okay.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  And I don't, I'm not a member of the public, I'm more, more a performer.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  No, I get, I get, I get. I wouldn't say a performer, but.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I decided to use your one.

• 10:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Um, so, yeah, there are actually some wipes, by the way, in the, I don't know if you looked in the drawer below the sink, because I know that you like a wet wipe as well.

• 10:56Speaker 00

  I do, actually, yeah, I brought my own, thank you.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Oh, cool, cool, so you're wiped up and ready to go?

• 11:00Speaker 00

  Uh, yes, I'm squeaker clean, thank you.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Okay, cool. Well, Ian's gonna be along in a minute, we can run this with Ian if you like, or would you like to stop?

• 11:07Speaker 00

  Run what with Ian?

• 11:07Speaker 01

  We could carry on the role play for Ian to arrive, or do you wanna?

• 11:10Speaker 00

  Oh, I see, um, yeah, I'd love Ian to tell, yeah.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  Okay, all right, I'm, I'm gonna go back out front and sort out this bloody lunatic show. And we're looking forward to it. Any tricks you're doing tonight, or?

• 11:20Speaker 00

  Uh, well, hopefully the trick is that this toilet's empty by the time I walk on stage.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Well, no one will know, we'll keep, we're very, very, very.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  Well, it feels like a few people already do know, Valerie, if you don't mind me saying.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  What the bloody hell have we got here? Hello, mate, I'm Ian.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Hello.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Valerie's cousin.

• 11:35Speaker 00

  I'm Ramesh, yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  I know who you bloody are, you lunatic, bloody favourite person on TV, man.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  Thanks very much.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  I say all my mates, I go, he's bloody funny, him, he's, now I've got a funny story about ya.

• 11:47Speaker 00

  Well, I'd, I'd love it if this wasn't, if this didn't become a story for obvious reasons.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  So what are we dealing with here?

• 11:52Speaker 00

  Well, I think, uh, Valerie explained it pretty clearly, I've, um, the toilet will not get rid of.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Let the dog see the rabbit, then.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  Well, there's the rabbit, it's got quite a big nose, as I'm sure you can see.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  Good, didn't Valerie say we've had a couple of problems with this recently, other comedians?

• 12:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, she mentioned Kerry Godleman and Josh Whittaker and Chloe Pets.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  That's all, all doing the same.

• 12:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  Let me see, right, I'm gonna go and get the hacksaw and I'll come back.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  Hacksaw?

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, we've gotta cut this thing up, we've gotta cut this up, mate.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  I don't know if you need a hacksaw, do you?

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, that's what I like to use, because, yeah, you don't know what you're dealing with down there, hacksaw's better than anything. Any chance I can get a picture?

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, I mean, uh.

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Shall we get the big fella in?

• 12:31Speaker 00

  Let's get, no, I'd rather not, actually.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  Here we go, big smile.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  Oh, lovely, mate, all the mates together, I love that. Any chance of watching the show?

• 12:42Speaker 00

  Um, yeah, I mean, should we sort this out first?

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll sort out what you're doing on stage. Uh, do you want me to, do you want me to say anything about it, or when you're on stage I can throw a couple of funny lines in?

• 12:50Speaker 00

  No, yeah, that's very, you joking, are you being serious?

• 12:53Speaker 01

  No, I could say, go on, this is better, this is as good as that shit you're laying in a bloody toilet.

• 12:58Speaker 00

  No, I'm all good, thank you.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Okay, mate, right, well, it's been an honour meeting you, and if you ever see Jamie Redknapp, say hello.

• 13:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, will do, will do, thanks.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Nice one, see you later. By the way, can I say that's the best you've ever handled a situation?

• 13:10Speaker 00

  Uh, you aren't making it like it's a regular thing that happens to me.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  No, you weren't snarky, you were just really like, really, yeah.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  Well, I tried to get into the role, but I feel like I gave it a little bit less comedically as a result.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  I thought you were beautiful, it was really good.

• 13:23Speaker 00

  All right, thanks.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I quite like Valerie, actually.

• 13:28Speaker 00

  You're not, um, embarrassed about poops, are you?

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Look, there's a certain time and place where I could, there's a bit of embarrassment, but no, I think we all do it.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  It doesn't matter who you are.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  No.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Everyone, I mean, yeah, everyone's doing it.

• 13:40Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  So I think, I think if you take.

• 13:41Speaker 00

  It's popular, isn't it?

• 13:42Speaker 01

  If you take the stigma out of it, I think it, it's something that we shouldn't be too embarrassed.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  I've got worse, actually, I will say that.

• 13:48Speaker 00

  In what way?

• 13:49Speaker 01

  No, in the fact that, like, I, I'm not, I used to be able to go anywhere.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  I have no shame in propping someone's house and going, or, like, and it, I'd struggle now to go in this office. Uh, there's too many, too many people that I know and respect.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  That you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

• 14:04Speaker 01

  So I sort of, like, I know that's what I'm capable of, me and Johnny the Magpie's relationship could deteriorate if I want, I mean, I've done it in front of you.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  But I wouldn't, like, Zoe's sitting there now, she, Zoe has two meals a day, she has her lunch and her dinner here.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? I'd feel bad if I went in there now.

• 14:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, sort of, Zoe seems to be catching strays as if she's not got a home life, but, yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  But she works so hard.

• 14:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, she does. Um, I mean, John, it's not an ideal toilet situation at this office, is it?

• 14:33Speaker 01

  It's a terrible toilet situation.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  No, it's not a good toilet situation. I think this is the worst toilet situation I've seen for a long time. I know, can I say, but, like, clean toilets, lovely toilets, whoever looks after the toilets, absolute legend.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  But very.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  There's air freshener.

• 14:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  But there's nowhere to hide. Have you been to the toilet, uh, train station toilets, I think are the worst?

• 14:50Speaker 00

  I've been to toilets that are so bad that I've honestly thought I'd rather shit myself.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Really? Where, where's the worst one in England you've been to? Football ones?

• 14:58Speaker 00

  It must have been at a service station.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Oh, service, yeah.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Train sta, train station toilets are up.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  I went to some services the other day, they had, uh, they had flowers in the, in the toilets.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  Somebody died there?

• 15:08Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  No, they were really good, clean, they were lovely, yeah. It's really, really sweet, yeah. I'd say that that would, but that should be the bar there.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? But ever so often, the train station toilets and, and I'd say football stadium toilets are the worst.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, football stadium toilets, I, I, I've, I've never, I mean, that's not unusual, this is not a big claim from me, I've never shat at a football stadium.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  I have, actually, twice.

• 15:43Speaker 00

  That must have been, oh, that must have been massive emergency.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you, you gotta hover, because there's so much piss on the seat.

• 15:51Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, God.

• 15:54Speaker 00

  I mean, I, I remember when I first took the boys to football match and they wanted to go to the toilet, and I thought, maybe I need to give them a little bit of a talk as to what they're about to walk into, because it's so great. Even if you're not, even if you've just taken a piss, it's, and they're shorter.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, so they're closer to it.

• 16:08Speaker 00

  You know, it's just horrible.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:09Speaker 00

  What I was really worried about the first time I went was.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, now they're probably used to it.

• 16:15Speaker 00

  Now they don't, they don't care.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 00

  But back then it was.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  You're a cubicle guy as well, right?

• 16:19Speaker 00

  For pissing?

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:20Speaker 00

  No.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  I'm a cubicle guy for pissing now. I've had too many people recently start conversations with me at Urinels.

• 16:26Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 16:26Speaker 01

  I think it's like, I thought it was a.

• 16:28Speaker 00

  It's not like you to be anti that, really.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  It's the only place.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  It's the only place where I'm, I'm not having it.

• 16:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  Urinal, I think that's the sacred place. To start a conversation with someone at Urinal feels like such a ballsy move.

• 16:39Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  So much confidence. I had it at the Luke Combs, um, concert, and recently at the football, I've been twice with someone.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  And what do you do? Can, can we just imagine that?

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Well, I'm having a wee.

• 16:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  Oh, are you, um, sorry, mate, are you Tom Davis?

• 17:02Speaker 01

  Yep, I think we both know that.

• 17:04Speaker 00

  Is that how you be?

• 17:07Speaker 01

  Probably not. Okay, let's start again.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  What were you doing there? Were you confirming that you also know that you're Tom Davis?

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:14Speaker 00

  All right, okay.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:19Speaker 00

  Oh my god, are you Tom Davis?

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah. For my sins.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  Um, I'm a massive fan.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Oh, cool, cool.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  What, do you reckon there's any chance of King Gary coming back?

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Uh, I don't think so, uh, if I'm honest with you.

• 17:34Speaker 00

  I love that show.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  I properly love that. That was like, that was a-

• 17:38Speaker 01

  When it first came out, I'd watch it in repeats.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  Well, both.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Okay, cool.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  I, I, I, I loved it. I thought it was, that's a proper, proper sitcom.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  Do you wanna have a chat, um, once I've done urinating? It just feels a bit weird.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, I, I guess my response would be that depends.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  Well, I'd feel quite vulnerable at the moment. My penis is out. I'm urinating.

• 17:57Speaker 00

  Well, I'm not gonna do anything to it.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  No, no, you're not.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  I'm just having a chat.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  I know you're not gonna do anything to it, it just feels strange.

• 18:02Speaker 00

  I'd understand if I was talking to you and had a fork in my hand.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  A fork?

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, right, jab it or something.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  You could do it with your fingers.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  I could do. I don't think I'd get the same kind of purchase.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Look, I, I just mean, it's a bit weird, cause now I can't urinate, cause now I have a conversation.

• 18:19Speaker 00

  Here is a situation for, if you don't mind me putting across my point of view here.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:24Speaker 00

  Is that I, I'm a massive fan.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Yes, and I'm really proud.

• 18:26Speaker 00

  Which is slightly getting eroded as I chat to you. But I'm a massive fan. I've now got the opportunity to talk to somebody who's, who's-

• 18:34Speaker 01

  By the way-

• 18:34Speaker 00

  The star and writer.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  More than happy to have a pint at the bar and chat. More than happy.

• 18:38Speaker 00

  But will you actually do that, though?

• 18:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:40Speaker 00

  Will you actually do that, though?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Rather than stand here with my-

• 18:41Speaker 00

  Will, will you actually do that, though?

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:43Speaker 00

  Will you actually do that, though?

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Can you see, I've stopped urinating, cause my penis is now completely-

• 18:48Speaker 00

  Cause what I'm worried about is you're gonna say, yeah, I'll join you for, but you're not gonna do that.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  I'm a man-

• 18:53Speaker 00

  And then I'm gonna go, why am I not playing, talking about King Gary at the urinal?

• 18:56Speaker 01

  You know that I'm a man of my word. What's your name?

• 18:58Speaker 00

  Jerry.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  Jerry. Tom and Jerry? Um, you know that I'm a, a man of my word.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  I don't get it.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  It was a cartoon when I was a kid. How old are you?

• 19:08Speaker 00

  Forty-three.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  Forty-three?

• 19:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Okay. Uh, will you, yeah, one was a mouse, one was a cat, they used to chase each other around.

• 19:15Speaker 00

  Tom and Jerry?

• 19:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  See? Okay.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  That's why you're, that's why you're on the money you're on, mate.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I'm, I'm as much money as other people.

• 19:25Speaker 00

  Well, you live in the most affluent area of, of the country.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, I mean, that's slightly an exaggeration.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  But you do, don't you?

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. Can I just say, I thought we'd arranged this chat at the bar. I thought we'd have got a date at the bar, rather than standing here.

• 19:37Speaker 00

  Well, my question to you is, are you, is that actually gonna happen?

• 19:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  But is it, though?

• 19:41Speaker 01

  I'm gonna go and get you a pint.

• 19:41Speaker 00

  But is it, though?

• 19:42Speaker 01

  I shall see you at the bar.

• 19:43Speaker 00

  But is it, though?

• 19:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  Is it, though?

• 19:45Speaker 01

  Can I say, I'm gonna get you a pint.

• 19:47Speaker 00

  Cause I'll be bloody, I, I tell you what, I'll be bloody annoyed if you've told me to stop talking to you at the urinal, which I have done, I've taken you-

• 19:53Speaker 01

  If I'm not there at the bar with a pint, you can come and find me.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  Where?

• 19:57Speaker 01

  I'm sitting in C A forty-five.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  Could I, can I see your ticket?

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Well, it's on my phone.

• 20:03Speaker 00

  Well, can I see your phone?

• 20:03Speaker 01

  Both my hands are holding my penis.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Well, do you mind if, if I stop talking to you now, can I come with you to the sink while you wash your hands and you-

• 20:11Speaker 01

  I've, I'm, I'm gonna have to come back and do that, finish this operation.

• 20:13Speaker 00

  Well, can I come with you?

• 20:14Speaker 01

  No, cause you've ruined the chance now. If you'd just let me alone-

• 20:17Speaker 00

  So you were lying?

• 20:18Speaker 01

  No, if you'd let me-

• 20:19Speaker 00

  This whole time that we've been arguing about this, we could have just talked about King Gary.

• 20:22Speaker 01

  I think, I, if you'd let me-

• 20:23Speaker 00

  We could have had this chat and it would have been over.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  I'd literally have brought you a pint.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  Well, now you're saying, so are you, though?

• 20:29Speaker 01

  No, because you wouldn't let me go for a piss in peace.

• 20:31Speaker 00

  No, this is exactly what I'm talking about. I knew this would happen, and I'd heard this about you. Somebody, a mate of mine, met you at, uh, at T-Bay Services and said, and I say this-

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Is that Steven?

• 20:42Speaker 00

  Said you were a [BLEEP].

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was, that day as well, cause he wouldn't let me piss. Do you know about piss's rage?

• 20:47Speaker 00

  No.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  Forty-three percent of people are murdered is done cause of piss's rage.

• 20:52Speaker 00

  Forty-three percent of murders are done cause of piss's rage. I feel like I'm in an episode now. Let me try and do, what's the name of the, Ramesh? Let me try and be Ramesh in the, in the, in the podcast.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Can I just say now?

• 21:03Speaker 00

  Oh, um-

• 21:03Speaker 01

  But I'm leaving you now.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  You, you, sorry?

• 21:06Speaker 01

  I'm-

• 21:06Speaker 00

  You promised, you said that-

• 21:07Speaker 01

  No, cause you, well, can I just say?

• 21:09Speaker 00

  What?

• 21:09Speaker 01

  I can take you being rude to me, but if you can't get one of the most-

• 21:13Speaker 00

  How was I rude? I said King Gary's that much-

• 21:15Speaker 01

  One of the most pivotal people in our country's name wrong, in Ramesh, you've got it wrong.

• 21:21Speaker 00

  So it is Ramesh?

• 21:22Speaker 01

  It's Ramesh. You called him Ramesh.

• 21:23Speaker 00

  You said Ramesh, though.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, because I was saying what an idiot you are, okay?

• 21:26Speaker 00

  An idiot?

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Well, you're, wow, right.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  So now say what you want about me, sir.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 21:32Speaker 01

  I'm going.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  Right.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  And my seat isn't A twenty-four, you won't find me, okay?

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Well, it's A forty-five, I'm pretty sure.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I might see you at my seat.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  It's, I find that tendency that, that is-

• 21:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't think you dealt with that great, if I'm being honest.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, but once I've got my, when you've got your penis out, you're not finding it hard to deal with, so.

• 21:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, if I've got my penis out, stop talking, Lisa.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Do you, do you have, you don't have people starting conversations at your urinals?

• 22:04Speaker 00

  Uh, occasionally.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  Football and concerts.

• 22:07Speaker 00

  You've got to remember the difference between you and I is, people are less likely to start a conversation with me full stop.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Why?

• 22:12Speaker 00

  Because, because I don't have that energy of-

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I, I don't know.

• 22:17Speaker 00

  People like, people that know you, they wanna come and chat to you.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  And you're more likeable than me.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  I don't think that, that's definitely not true.

• 22:23Speaker 00

  That's definitely true.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Really?

• 22:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  I think you're very lovable.

• 22:26Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I did a little Instagram poll the other day.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 22:29Speaker 00

  No.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  What would your reaction be if I told you I'd done an Instagram poll, see who was more popular out of you and me? Who was more approachable, likeable?

• 22:39Speaker 01

  I think it would be a bit weird.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, but how would you deal with it?

• 22:43Speaker 02

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change, your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just five dollars. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 22:59Speaker 04

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• 23:24Speaker 01

  Well, first I asked for who'd won.

• 23:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, obviously.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  And then I probably just-

• 23:28Speaker 00

  And then you'd go, I'm probably not the person that you thought I was, right?

• 23:32Speaker 01

  In what sense?

• 23:33Speaker 00

  Well, I, I, do I strike as the sort of person that would do an Instagram poll to find out which one of us is more likeable?

• 23:38Speaker 01

  No, but I, the, the thing you've got in that, I think that sometimes you throw in stuff that are quite funny.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  I do think that there's a, there's a church or cha- childish, childish, no, what's the word I'm looking for? Not childish.

• 23:51Speaker 00

  Churlish?

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Churlish part of you, that will quite enjoy something like that.

• 23:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, um.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  You, by the way, you being back on Instagram is one of my favourite things.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  I don't like it.

• 24:01Speaker 01

  I love it having you back. When I put up certain posts, posts, I, they're, they're just, they're like a signal to a sort of lover.

• 24:08Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, at the moment, you are, what's annoying about following your Instagram, you are living one of the most- Bearing in mind, you've been busier this year than I think any year of your career, I think it's fair to say.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  You are living a, you have managed to balance being on loads of shit with having the most relaxed lifestyle of anyone I know.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, I mean-

• 24:29Speaker 00

  I mean, you're constantly playing golf.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  No, I'm-

• 24:32Speaker 00

  Constantly out and about with the family. I mean, it's, what the fuck are you doing?

• 24:35Speaker 01

  Well, I've, I've, I've made, made a few life choices.

• 24:38Speaker 00

  Right, what are they?

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Just to be around a bit, a bit more present. I had a long chat with Catherine and I was kinda like, you know what, I need to- I, it dawned on me that I'd be, I'd been working, not, I'm working here less hard.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  You, you've got to where I am.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, no, it's not even taking-

• 24:53Speaker 00

  You were chastising me when I raised this last time.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, but I'm not retiring or anything. It's just more that I've got, I've, I've decided, cause actually I'm loving where I'm at at the moment, I'm enjoying my work, but I'm, I'm- For the first time, I'm actually doing the show, the stand-up show and enjoying it. I'm like, it's kind of actually cobbled together.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  Spud Gun tickets available right now, as they are for Ramesh Rangnath will change your life.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  Will you put up my dates?

• 25:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  Have you?

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Um, I've done the same, uh, and asked why, but, um, no, but I, and then I just said to Catherine, that's, I'm enjoying the podcast.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  Enjoying-

• 25:30Speaker 00

  Is this the happiest you've ever been?

• 25:31Speaker 01

  No, I, I've found a little bit of contentment. I've, I've, I've found myself in a happy place.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  You know, I just, and, and, and being at home and being a bit more present with Catherine and Grace is just, is a nice thing for the time being.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Until, you know, I get my honest obsession with work or whatever. It's quite sweet. Just, just having that time.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  So it's a temporary thing?

• 25:53Speaker 01

  No, I just, you don't know, do you, in this game?

• 25:56Speaker 00

  Well, everything's temporary.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  But what I mean is, when you say you've achieved a balance, is that a balance because of your circumstances right now? Have you worked out a balance that will, will last forever?

• 26:05Speaker 01

  I, I was, my thing was, I, I just wanted to have a little bit more time, like, last two or three years have been like almost six or seven days a week. Like, you, you know, you're working all the time.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:16Speaker 01

  And, and some of that work is very fulfilling and some of it is, and some of it, I'm like, isn't necessarily the things that I want, like, I, I don't know if this is- I'm putting too much pressure on this or pressure on this and pressure, and you, each one of these things is getting the smallest, smaller percentage of what I'm doing and who I am, and I'm out of the house more than I probably would have liked. Um, and I'll always wanna work hard, that's, but all of a sudden, you know, Grace says, says a few things and Catherine says a few things and then you're like a little bit like, I actually know, I need to reassess this.

• 26:48Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  You know, just, I've been through a lot to be in a situation to be a dad and, and so I just was like, literally, I think even coming into like a two months or a month to, or two ago, I was- So obsessed with the show, doing the stand, like, I was out so many nights doing it and, and I wasn't, I couldn't find a happy place at that and certain other things. I was just- Sort of questioning where I sat with any, in, in this industry at all. So I just was like, I just need to get a bit of joy back. And get a bit of love back for doing certain parts of things that, that was, and yeah, enjoy things a bit more, rather than everything feeling like I've gotta be, you know, just, just, just having that bit of time.

• 27:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, I prefer just to plough on, um, and then occasionally experience a glimmer of happiness.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  You've got, you, you, no, can I say you feel a lot more content now?

• 27:42Speaker 00

  I'm chilled, man.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  You do, do. You've, you've, you've become a more chilled animal. You've, you, you don't feel as like, you feel like, you, you know, both of us are, are always conscious of what we're doing. We, we wanna do good work.

• 27:56Speaker 00

  No, I don't give a fuck anymore. People, people that have watched my stuff recently, they know, I no longer give a shit about the quality of anything I'm putting out.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so funny that, uh, cause I-

• 28:08Speaker 00

  I'm literally squatting over the internet.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  And it won't flush.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you're no, your stand up show, there's a lot of pride, there's a lot of hard work going into it.

• 28:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you never, you know, who knows how that's gonna go down, do you know what I mean?

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it would be fantastic. I'm gonna see some of it later.

• 28:26Speaker 00

  Well, you're gonna see some very new kind of roughy bits of it.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's what I like.

• 28:30Speaker 00

  Hmm. You like seeing, you're coming to watch me gig tonight. I forgive, I'll give you three possible outcomes, right?

• 28:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:37Speaker 00

  Okay, one, absolutely roof it, okay?

• 28:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:40Speaker 00

  Second option, it's kind of all right. Third option, complete death. Really fucking.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  I've never in all the time I've known you, has it ever been option three.

• 28:50Speaker 00

  Okay, but imagine if it is tonight.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  I just can't, I think you're too good. I don't think you've got that in you anymore.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  I do. I think I do.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  I don't think you have. I think you're being, I think you'll be, as I am.

• 29:02Speaker 00

  Sometimes, listen.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Can I, can I, no, because I'm, I'm, I do what you're doing. I've done it. This whole, you know, and if I'm honest, probably the last tour and around that time, that was more likely to happen. But you're, you're a warrior. You've, you've got moves in which you know you can use. So you're not gonna go out on stage and completely fucking die in your hole.

• 29:24Speaker 00

  The thing is, is obviously like what you think is a death moves. But for me, it's obviously a different place to what it used to be.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, standard ovation.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. So there have been nights where they haven't stood up. And you just go, what's the point of doing this anymore?

• 29:42Speaker 00

  And I'm waiting there and they're still in their seats.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  And not, not like getting up to leave.

• 29:47Speaker 00

  Can we talk about, um, a lot, I know it happened a while ago, but I do wanna talk about it.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  Because I've not actually spoken to you about this.

• 29:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:55Speaker 00

  How proud I am of you doing the Palladium.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Thank you very much. It was a very emotional, emotional evening.

• 30:04Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  I found it.

• 30:05Speaker 00

  I'd have loved to have got an invite. I messaged Flo. I said, is there any chance of me watching Tom at the Palladium? She said, Tom has given me a list of people who will get comp and you're not on it.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  You were gigging that night.

• 30:16Speaker 00

  Are you willing to buy a ticket?

• 30:18Speaker 01

  You were gigging that night.

• 30:19Speaker 00

  I was gigging that night and I said, what happened during that gig? Not during the gig, after the gig.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:25Speaker 00

  We got a complaint about my music.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Why? Why?

• 30:29Speaker 00

  Uh, too offensive.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 30:31Speaker 00

  When I think about the sort of stuff I'm saying in the show, I find it incredible that somebody would be offended about, not offended by the show, but offended by the music. This is where we're at now, guys.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  What music are you having?

• 30:41Speaker 00

  Have finally won.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  What, what are you?

• 30:43Speaker 00

  Huh? Fuck, are you happy, snowflakes?

• 30:47Speaker 01

  What are you listening to?

• 30:49Speaker 00

  Basically, I didn't know what music was playing when I came. All it was, was Gratz had found like, I'd give it, I'd, over the years, I've given him loads of different hip hop mixes or whatever. And he just put one of those on, but not, I don't think he's listened to it. And so apparently there's a couple of songs on there that.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Some, yeah. Some, some raucous moves.

• 31:06Speaker 00

  I, I didn't realise people going into a theatre wouldn't wanna hear the Lick My Ring remix.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  I have a very gentle.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  Dear, what do you have?

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Just a bit of indie.

• 31:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, a bit of soft rock.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Just, yeah, a bit of pop music.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  I like them to play it loud enough so that the audience have to slightly raise their voices to.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, so then it feels like there's like an atmosphere you're walking onto. Sometimes you've got to be really careful because, because of the nature of, um, just the indie playlist that we've got. Sometimes you're getting roughed up to go on stage and it'll be like, uh, I don't know, like the drugs don't work. Or some really morose, like, you remember that?

• 31:47Speaker 00

  So you're not curating that.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  Going back.

• 31:50Speaker 00

  You're not curating that playlist?

• 31:52Speaker 01

  No, it's just a playlist.

• 31:53Speaker 00

  Well, that's, that's the reason to curate a playlist. It is to get them built up, like, build it up.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, we need to do that. You know who I should speak to?

• 32:00Speaker 00

  Who?

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Sweet Rob.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  Beckett?

• 32:03Speaker 01

  No, not Rob Beckett. I mean, I love Rob Beckett for most things, but not fucking.

• 32:06Speaker 00

  Percy, yeah, Rob Percy would be a help, yeah.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  RP would be great for that, wouldn't he?

• 32:09Speaker 00

  He would be good.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, he loves that sort of music as well. Give him a little hobby.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  He'll put you a ticket or a playlist if you want one.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:15Speaker 00

  But, um, for the work in progress, we've just put on whatever and it's led to a complaint, more than one complaint, actually.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  Really?

• 32:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, but I don't listen to it. I'm just sat in the dressing room, like getting my, you know, whatever, doing whatever.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  What are you like in the dressing room before a show?

• 32:27Speaker 00

  I try and engage as little as possible with what I'm about to do.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  In what sense?

• 32:31Speaker 00

  I'll probably watch Netflix or something.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Are you chatting?

• 32:34Speaker 00

  Uh, no, not really. I, I will, I will not think about, particularly on the actual tour. On the actual tour, I'm watching stuff on my laptop until thirty seconds before I'm due to walk on stage.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  Really?

• 32:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 32:50Speaker 00

  But I, I've done it all, all sorts of ways. Like sometimes I used to do a warm up routine. I used to do all sorts, but then what I found was I was starting to, I wanna be loose on stage.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:00Speaker 00

  And getting yourself all hyped up like that. And also I think you kind of get yourself in the mindset of going, I, I, I would think, oh, I wanna, I remember reading something about visualising it going really well and all that. I don't wanna put that pressure on myself. It'll go how it goes. I'm just gonna go out and do the show. I think that you can kind of get, I, I, for me personally, you can get kind of too caught up in all of that.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  No, I mean.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  So I do nothing.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  I like, I like chatting and.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know you do.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Chat to the team.

• 33:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  That's why you've lost so many tour managers, isn't it?

• 33:29Speaker 01

  I have been through four on this tour, uh, which has been quite, yeah, sad actually, sort of, R I P Gratz.

• 33:36Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  Ally.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  It's not, none of them are dead.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, but on the tour though, and they're dead to me once they leave.

• 33:41Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 33:42Speaker 01

  Uh, but your brother still, he sticks it out. He's all love and love. Um, he jets off quite quick now. He does his set and he's out.

• 33:48Speaker 00

  What's your?

• 33:49Speaker 01

  He goes and works the room.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  What's your opinion on that? What do you mean he works the room?

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Oh, he walks through the audience sometimes.

• 33:54Speaker 00

  No, he doesn't.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  He has been known to go out the front of the building.

• 33:59Speaker 00

  No, he hasn't.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  I love winding you up. No, no, he jets off.

• 34:03Speaker 00

  I'd give him such a bollocking if he did that. But i- if, um, if, uh.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  No, he's caught, I don't expect him to sit through a fucking show every night. It'd be insane. I mean, I'd say to you, it'd be nice if he'd sat through it once.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Um, but he's good actually. If, he, he, he will, we'll all, you always have a bit of a joke and a bit of a laugh.

• 34:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, that's good. He said you two are really getting on.

• 34:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a sweetheart. That's him, your brother. He's a, he's a good guy. He's just a little.

• 34:29Speaker 00

  Why do you keep calling him your favourite anger?

• 34:31Speaker 01

  I don't say that. I feel that, you know who my favourite is.

• 34:36Speaker 00

  Mum.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  Um. I said it in interviews, this sort of joke that I wanna, that's what the show I wanna make is me and her doing a travelogue together.

• 34:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  It's sort of, I, I don't think.

• 34:46Speaker 00

  I saw that, yeah. Heat magazine, wasn't it?

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, which was, yeah.

• 34:52Speaker 00

  What do you, what do you, do you like doing those interviews?

• 34:55Speaker 01

  I just say stupid things. I don't think about what I say.

• 34:58Speaker 00

  Fucking nightmare. Not a nightmare, but the other day I had to do my interview, not had to. I had an interview to put in the tour programme. So you have an interview and then that goes.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  You're not tour programme?

• 35:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Oh my god. I've not got a tour, I've not got.

• 35:11Speaker 00

  Well, that's not like you, because you like to squeeze every.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  No, I've got no merch. I've got nothing on this tour.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  Why have you not got merch?

• 35:17Speaker 01

  I might get it for the second leg, you know, third leg of, of the tour.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  It feels like I should get some merch.

• 35:23Speaker 00

  You, you seem like a merch friendly artist.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would be. I've got stupid cat phrases.

• 35:28Speaker 00

  The honest, the honest truth of it is, is merch doesn't make you very money, much money at all, but I genuinely, I'm not just saying this, it sounds like I'm making it up. I like to have merch because I like people to be able to, if they want to commemorate this, like to have a thing.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  So you have merch?

• 35:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 01

  This is, this is scandal. I've got no merch. I turn up really, really.

• 35:48Speaker 00

  You don't, if you're expecting some big payout from the merch.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  It's not a payout, but I just think it'd be cool to see someone go, oh, I was there, I got this T-shirt.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  That's exactly what I do.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  That's a cool thing.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  So basically you're like the Harrods of stand up.

• 36:01Speaker 00

  What does that mean?

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Because you're like, top end, you've got a fucking programme. So people, people love it. I love a programme if I go and watch a fucking artist. I'm literally rocking up with, we only just got the thing that on the curtains to say what the show's doing.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  You're using the mic now, aren't you?

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Could you, you jest, but there's six shows in the last tour that the mic stopped working.

• 36:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I remember. Cambridge was one, wasn't it?

• 36:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was.

• 36:22Speaker 00

  So you've got a go bo now.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  You've got a go bo, yeah. This is, we've, and that feels like we've really.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  The go bo is the thing that Tom Davis appears on the back, right?

• 36:30Speaker 01

  So that feels like we've really branched out.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  So did you push for the go bo?

• 36:34Speaker 01

  No, Gratz pushed for the, I think Gratz felt like, oh, let's try to make this look a little bit more like a, a proper show.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  So I, I'd done, on, on the last, on the tour before last, I was, I did a show, I can't remember which theatre it was, but I'd done a show. And then as I'm on my way home, somebody tags me in a story going, I don't know, whatever they said about the show. And they've taken a photo of me on stage and I just thought, that looks so shit, right? I just thought, is, people have come on a night out.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:06Speaker 00

  And it looks shit. Like, obviously you're, you're just in a theatre, not just in a theatre, but that black floor, whatever. I had this mic that they'd given me and I was just like, it looks crap. Like these people have, and I started thinking, I said, I, I want it to feel like, and I don't know how to explain it. I want them to feel like they've come out to watch something like good, a show, right? And the problem with stand up is it's so minimal.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  That it's ve, it's such a thin line between a show and just you just go, this guy just fucking walked in off the street. I mean, that is what you've done.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 00

  But, so then, I, I was talking to Dennis, Sound, Sound Dennis, Dennis Fernandez.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  Shout out Dennis Fernandez.

• 37:44Speaker 00

  And Dennis goes to me, you can get a personalised microphone.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:48Speaker 00

  So that's what I did.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  I remember the talk of this.

• 37:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, so then I.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  It was gold, right?

• 37:52Speaker 00

  No.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  No, what kind was it? It was cool, right?

• 37:54Speaker 00

  It's bright red, yeah. So I got a red mic stand, red microphone. It had like my face, like a, like a little kind of cartoon icon thing on the. And then it had a red cable and straight away, as soon as I had that, it, then you go, this is, this has lifted it so much more than actually the idea of just, it just looked cool, right? So I thought, that's good. So I saw I had the red mic and you just, you just feel like you're bringing a bit of something, like the go bo, whatever.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:22Speaker 00

  And then, um, on the next tour, I was like, well, I might as well just take this mic out for the next tour, right? I'm not throwing, I'm not, I'm not using it. And, um, one of the reviews said, Ramesh, it's something like, Ramesh thinks he's such a big deal, he's got his own microphone now. It was like, it was like a slam. And I just thought, oh, fucking hell.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you shouldn't listen to that, cause.

• 38:44Speaker 00

  I can't help it, mate.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  A lot of people appreciate it.

• 38:46Speaker 00

  Can't help it.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you've got, yeah.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  Can't help it.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Also, by the way, you, you go out with a red microphone. That's, that's.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  It's like wearing coloured boots, isn't it?

• 38:55Speaker 01

  It's like Eddie Murphy in the, in the suit.

• 38:56Speaker 00

  Hmm. Except without the ability and the love of the crowd.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  But I think it's kind of cool, that showmanship. Yeah, we've just got to go, but we've got no merch, no pro. What are you writing in you? What's in your programme? What sort of stuff? Advertising? Do you sell advertising space in it? So what's in it?

• 39:13Speaker 00

  I can tell you. Do you want me to tell you?

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  Uh, it's stuff like, um, the interview.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  Um, stuff about other stuff that I do. So it'd be, there'd be stuff about the podcast.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Like crosswords?

• 39:24Speaker 00

  No crosswords, no.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  Uh, a little.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Quite funny, like word, like.

• 39:28Speaker 00

  We're, we're thinking about putting a little, uh, uh, hip hop guide for dummies thing in there. So if you're in a conversation and you wanna be able to get involved.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  Why don't you do some life advice?

• 39:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I could do that.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, or like, and he picked quite a few pictures.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  There'll be pictures.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  That one.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Like when you're sort of on a bed, like Lou Walsh.

• 39:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I could do that.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's pretty cool, fucking your own programme.

• 39:53Speaker 00

  It's difficult, isn't it? Cause what, what, what's.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Are you, are you gonna sign them?

• 39:55Speaker 00

  What's happening in your brain is, is you're thinking, I'd like a tour programme.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:00Speaker 00

  But I also want to roast Ramesh for the fact that he's.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I'm not.

• 40:03Speaker 00

  So you've got these, you've got these two conflicting things going on.

• 40:06Speaker 01

  I'm thinking, I'm being, but I'm generally, that is a fucking cool thing. But I've got Beyonce ones and fucking Westlife ones.

• 40:13Speaker 00

  Sure, but what, what, what I'm saying to you is, look, I, I don't want to.

• 40:17Speaker 01

  Are you, so.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  I don't wanna let the mask slip too much, but you, you only really do anything if there's a revenue stream behind it. I'm just trying, I'm trying to be clear with you.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  Can I say?

• 40:26Speaker 00

  You will not make money from.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  I don't wanna make money. Can I just say?

• 40:30Speaker 00

  I just wanna be clear. The cost of making it.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  When we did the Palladium, Catherine came in, she was so proud. There was, someone had been hanging out, handing out flyers for the show, probably to sell the last few tickets.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  And she was really proud. She went, oh my God, it's amazing. Someone in Soho had these flyers with your face on. And I was like, and we were really, and we took a few home. So in years' time, and.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's good. You know what's good? Uh, uh, and that's actually quite good. Any comedians watching this? Is if you do go to the trouble of paying for flyers, just take them back to your house. That's where they can make the most impact.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you can't.

• 41:05Speaker 00

  Take, take images of your own face and tour details back to your own house.

• 41:09Speaker 01

  Cause obviously it's, yeah, no, no, what's the better idea?

• 41:11Speaker 00

  Here we go.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  Fucking the next O B out and fucking Soho giving out flyers for a show that was the night before. It was so, I could go on.

• 41:17Speaker 00

  It was just for that night?

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:18Speaker 00

  Oh, right. Okay.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  So I could go to Grace. I, I played the Palladium once. It's a cool thing. But I, I'm not by any means, I genuinely think a programme is a fucking cool thing. And you're doing merch. That's a proper, you're a proper, like, that's, you're an A-lister now.

• 41:32Speaker 00

  Well, on the lot, I'm not an A-lister. On the last tour, there was a cardboard, a life-sized cardboard cut out of you being ferried around the crowd.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. That was quite a tour.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  Humiliating.

• 41:44Speaker 00

  Wish he, wish he, wish he was doing a show, to be honest.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  I would say, yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, they were. They were, mate. I'm not even joking.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  Really? No. Yeah. You've got people reading the stuff about you before the show. Hey, what, did you know he's brought up in Crawley?

• 41:59Speaker 00

  If somebody doesn't know that.

• 42:02Speaker 00

  I've literally got fucking three bits of shtick to my repertoire. So somebody go, he's got, he's got a problem with his eye.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  You know what I've got really into this week?

• 42:13Speaker 00

  What?

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 42:15Speaker 00

  No segue?

• 42:16Speaker 01

  There's a, there's a.

• 42:23Speaker 00

  Feel like I'm fucking Roman Kemp sat next to Alex Jones.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Oh man, I love Alex Jones. Um, the wordles, I've got into wordle.

• 42:32Speaker 00

  I've got into Sudoku.

• 42:33Speaker 01

  So on, on the, the show I'm doing at the.

• 42:35Speaker 00

  I'm sure I'm said it with that energy.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  The show, the show we're doing at the moment, everyone was doing these wordles and I didn't really know what it was.

• 42:42Speaker 00

  Wordle's the five-letter thing, right? Yeah. So you get one a day.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  I've done it twice, yeah. Got it in two guesses.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  First day.

• 42:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Uh, today was four guesses.

• 42:52Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  But everyone else is really good wordless. So it's fucking quite a cool thing.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  I am, a, a, a while ago, I became obsessed with trying to halt, uh, brain decline, right?

• 43:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  And one of the things, one of the things that you can do is do brain games. And there's loads of apps where you do brain games, right?

• 43:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:09Speaker 00

  So, so then I was, I, I did them.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  Cold plunging and heat as well.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Both good for that.

• 43:14Speaker 00

  So I was doing brain games for a bit and then I just didn't enjoy them. Like, I, I, I thought I was enjoying them. And then I'm not going back to them. So obviously they're not working, right? Because you want something that's addictive enough that you keep going back to it. So then, relatively recently, I, I think I must have been watching a T, a TV show, something where somebody was doing a Sudoku. And I thought, maybe I'd have a go at Sudoku.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Is that numbers?

• 43:36Speaker 00

  It's like where you, you've got the, you've got to have one to nine in all of the columns and all of the rows, and then within the squares in the grid. So I started doing those and it's something about, I don't think, if you don't do those regularly, when you start doing them, your brain starts to like, having to carry all of that stuff. I do, I swear, uh, uh, you feel like it's, you're doing, you're doing a type of thinking that since you've left school, you don't do. Like it's, like it's, it's doing something.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  I'd be terrible at the.

• 44:06Speaker 00

  And now, man, every, at home now, on the phone, every time I get a moment, I'm, I'm straight back onto the thing, just trying to fuck around with Sudoku. You do get, you do get into spots where you just go, this is frustratingly difficult now. And I'm not very good at them at all. And you do have to carry a lot of things in your head where you go, well, I've, how do I, I've got a rule out. It can't be this, this and whatever. All of that, I'm, I'm hoping I get better. I'm shit at it now.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  Word was great because the first thing I typed in was dopey. That's how I felt playing the game. I was like, I'm gonna give this a go. Everyone's playing it. I put in dopey.

• 44:41Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  Certain amount of words are green. Next one I would put in yodel. Yodel was a word.

• 44:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. And you've got a story out of it.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. A really cool story.

• 44:50Speaker 00

  Um, I, I think, I think there's a five-letter word that you're supposed to use every time, right? Is, but is, there's, there's like, there's like a specific five-letter word that's the best.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  You're within your cheating, right?

• 45:01Speaker 00

  I don't think it's cheating. It's a technique.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then, I just, it's like the fucking baker that we talked about in the last episode. Everyone's into techniques. Play your own game. Play Rogue. It's like FPL now.

• 45:11Speaker 00

  Rogue would be a good one.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it would actually be a good one. F, it would be fucking great. Actually, I will use Rogue. Uh, F, FPL, FPL now is infuriating me.

• 45:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:21Speaker 01

  Cause everyone's playing, it's, everyone's got exactly the same fucking team. Cause there's these nerds out there who are going, oh, this is exactly the team we should have.

• 45:28Speaker 00

  So a few years ago, I was, uh, we were choosing, me and the boys were choosing our FPL team.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:33Speaker 00

  And I was looking at like what TikTokers were saying and Theo just went to me, what are you doing, dad?

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 45:40Speaker 00

  He goes like, what are you, why are you trying to find a formula to, to, to get your, he goes, just choose who you think. He, he was actually going to me, just have, have the courage to choose your own.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Your own conviction. But people now have made fortunes from guessing in the FPL. And now so many people just have the same fucking fifteen players.

• 46:01Speaker 00

  Uh, Tom?

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  Do you want, uh, well, look, we had a.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  We've had some complaints, right?

• 46:07Speaker 00

  We've had some complaints about us giving you words.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  What?

• 46:10Speaker 00

  When I say us, I mean me.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  What was the complaint?

• 46:13Speaker 00

  This is not as good. They prefer you coming up with it yourself.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Okay, cool.

• 46:17Speaker 00

  I know you found it easier, but they didn't find it as rewarding.

• 46:20Speaker 05

  I don't think we should pander to them.

• 46:22Speaker 00

  You don't think so?

• 46:23Speaker 05

  No.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  All right. Twiglets, cheese, um, orangutans.

• 46:29Speaker 01

  Well, okay.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  Life is confusing, sometimes troubling, but sometimes it's pretty simple. Sometimes we too much, put too much pressure on thing, being things, things being perfect.

• 46:44Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  Sometimes we put pressure on a moment encapsulating forever. But actually, sometimes it's the small things, the happy things. Kicking back on the fire, last embers of a classic Sunday with a little bowl of twiglets and some cheese on toast. Looking out the window as a bonfire roars across the way. Hello, Guy Fawkes. Hope you're doing well out down there, out there, down there. As the smoke bellows and goes up into the sky, you caught thinking for a second. Is this the moment? Is this when I'm supposed to be happy? Is this, is this my forever moment?

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Doesn't have to be worth a million pounds. Doesn't have to be a fine grand gesture. Sometimes it can just be you. Like in a orangutan picking flies off his butt. Feels good, but maybe it feels better than being chased by a gorilla. And that's life. Always look for the small moments to build to something big. Thanks, guys.

• 47:54Speaker 00

  I liked it. If I could offer some feedback.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:57Speaker 00

  Um, I, I, I, I mean, admittedly, it's my fault for giving you two food items.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:01Speaker 00

  But, but I, I felt like their inclusion was a bit of a cop out. You, you might as well have gone, uh, Fred the giraffe looked at his favourite picture, which, which was of some twiglets, some cheese and an orangutan.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  That's why these.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  You know, you, you've got to fold it in a bit more, you know?

• 48:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe I should go back to the old way.

• 48:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 48:24Speaker 01

  I think, yeah.

• 48:24Speaker 00

  John, that was a fucking dumb idea.

• 48:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, listen, I made a mistake.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:28Speaker 00

  Uh.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  There's a lot of pressure, by the way, cause I felt like the pressure of John going against the listeners. And you know what, listeners? We found out something important today.

• 48:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  You guys are right and Johnny the Magpie is wrong.

• 48:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. We were wrong, you were right. You've got to respect democracy.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:42Speaker 00

  Which is why Brexit was so good.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:45Speaker 00

  Um, thank you so much for listening to and watching the Wolf for Now podcast. Wolfoutpod at gmail dot com if you wanna send us an email and that can be read out on the very next episode, unlikely the way the time scales work. But we will see you then on the email special from us for now. Ta ta.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Bye bye.

• 49:10Speaker 02

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change, your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just five dollars. Only at McDonald's for a limited time. Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  This episode is brought to you by Universal Pictures Focker-in-law. Spin this Thanksgiving with the Fockers. The beloved Meet the Parents franchise returns with a twist. Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller are back, joined by Ariana Grande as the newest member of the family. Get ready for laughs, unexpected surprises and a hilarious new chapter of the family saga. Focker-in-law, rated PG thirteen, only in theatres this Thanksgiving. Get tickets now.