Romesh Flashes His Balls During A Colonic...

Why Are Romesh & Tom Flashing Their Balls? In this episode of Wolf & Owl, the boys embrace the autumn weather, discuss the guilt of leaving their kids, and trial some new greetings that definitely shouldn’t catch on. Plus, Romesh shares the story of flashing his balls during a colonic and, for reasons that will become clear, a special F you to Theo James and Guy Ritchie. A Ranga Bee Production. Chapters 00:00 Intro02:50 Is Romesh nice to Tom?04:30 Dealing with parent guilt 16:40 Greetings revealed 19:40 A moment Romesh will remember forever 21:00 Tom flashed his balls (& so did Romesh)23:54 Tom’s cameo on The Gentleman27:12 Roleplaying a killer called Trigger from Glasgow30:05 Romesh’s Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Yo, how are you doing, friend?

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Yo!

• 0:18Speaker 00

  I've got some advice for you.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Yo!

• 0:20Speaker 00

  To enjoy this podcast, why don't you like, subscribe? And here's an idea, tell a friend or a loved one about the wolf and owl.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Uh, welcome to the email special.

• 0:28Speaker 00

  Took a real big drink then.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, [email protected] if you want to send anything in, any questions, dilemmas, or just stories, or if you're a recent subscriber to John's OnlyFans.

• 0:37Speaker 00

  Johnny the Magpie.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  First thing I want to address is JT is still involved in the podcast. Some people are sort of suggesting that he's no longer.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  There's been a lot of talk, it's about like a soap character that's not been mentioned for a while.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's across every edit.

• 0:51Speaker 00

  Obviously, he's still in prison, he's still incarcerated, um, but very much like the case of, uh, what's the case for Making a Murderer?

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:01Speaker 00

  What's his name? It's insane that we all have.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Don something, is it?

• 1:04Speaker 00

  No, no, it isn't, Don something, we all talked about him for ages and whether we.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Oh, Making a Murderer, I was thinking of Jinx, what was that guy's name?

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Steven Avery.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Steven Avery, yeah.

• 1:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, he's just.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Much like Steven Avery, yeah, what a mad intro to the fucking episode this is, by the way. Much like Rose and Fred West.

• 1:23Speaker 00

  But JT is still out there, he's still doing his thing.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26Speaker 00

  Um, show JT some love, as always, photos, um, and, and I think actually it'd be good to collab on maybe Johnny the Magpie's site, um, with, with John, that'd be cool, a little OnlyFans side.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  Sort of thing me and JT would do.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're going crazy.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  Shall we get to the email stuff?

• 1:44Speaker 00

  You go first, I think, my friend.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  I will do.

• 1:46Speaker 00

  Yes. You tiptoe into this one.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Hey there, Wolf, Al, Cat, Swan and the whole animal pack. Let's clear this up, the cat and the swan, the minimal involvement they had in the wolf and owl up to this point is completely vanished.

• 1:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, since we're not doing it.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Well, I can tell you, because I don't know what the cat's doing, the swan listens to every episode.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  Does she?

• 2:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:03Speaker 00

  Really?

• 2:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  How does she find my impression, her sexy voice?

• 2:08Speaker 01

  She doesn't mind it, actually.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Okay, cool.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, I hope you're all doing great and thriving now the weather's turning a little bit colder. I love it, by the way.

• 2:15Speaker 00

  I love it, yeah.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  Yes, please, tuck me.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  This is the best time.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Autumn weather, hook it into my veins.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  It's the best time for, for, for fashion and clothing and all that.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Absolutely, yeah, fuck summer.

• 2:25Speaker 03

  Want to be the one who's always in the know about the game, the scores, the plays? Here's a tip, the Apple Sports app. Just pick your favourite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules. And when your team scores, it shows up right on your iPhone lock screen, making it easy to check in anytime. So rule the group chat and download Apple Sports for free on the App Store or find it on your new iPhone.

• 2:49Speaker 04

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• 3:07Speaker 01

  For that, man. My partner and I have managed to bag front row tickets to Tom's tour, well, well done for managing that, in Nottingham on the 8th of November, we're both incredibly excited.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Not only being long time fans of you both, but as it happens, it falls on our three year anniversary, so planning on making an evening of it. That's, listen, his show's great, I was being a prick there, his show's exceptional.

• 3:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, but I enjoy you being a prick.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  However, yeah, but they don't, they don't really, the problem, but people don't realise, so they think I'm an actual asshole.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, but that's why I enjoy it so much, because it, I, that is our friendship, it makes me very.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  I know, but people, but then people don't think that I'm nice to you.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know, but it's, yeah, well, you are very nice to me, yeah, that's very, the saddest thing, very much if you go back and listen to the last episode, is not a lot of people has been as kind as me to, as you. I'm a bit like, you know, that sort of dog that's sort of been thrown out from house to house and I find an owner, and even now, again, it kicks, he kicks me, he still feeds me.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  However, here comes a conundrum, we have been blessed by a beautiful baby boy called Tom, Thomas.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  Named after the great man.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Who at the time of the show will be six months old, it'll be our first time leaving him with his grandad, Thomas Senior.

• 4:17Speaker 00

  Okay, that makes more sense.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  That was unbelievable, holy shit, that was good.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Fuck me, man, that was a proper, that proper got me. And we can't help but feel guilty for leaving him. I know as a couple, we need this time away together to keep the so-called spark alive, and I know he's in very safe hands, but my question is, how do we get past this feeling of guilt? And how do you both feel leaving little Grace and the boys when you go on tour? Sending you all our best, we can't wait to see Tom soon on the 8th. Yours kindly, Belle, the nervous mother bear.

• 5:06Speaker 00

  Shout out Belle.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Shout out Belle.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  The mother bear, um.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  The mother bear.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  It's, I, I still get that pang of guilt, I think, me and Catherine were talking about the other day, we've got a trip planned, uh, I, I certainly feel like awful, like, I was away at the weekend planning, doing the gigs in Nor, Norwich and felt really, I think because I've had like a really intense time over the summer of just hanging out with Grace, and she was quite upset about me going away just for a couple of days.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  So I feel, I think that guilt, but I then also think it's a necessity, you have to do it, and actually, it's easier now than it was when she was that little bit younger or the first couple of times we did it, that has got substantially easier. I remember you talking about it when we were.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've never given a shit.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  You, you.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  I've never given a fuck.

• 5:50Speaker 00

  Do you know, it's what.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  It hardens them up.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  What, what I love about you is you said the sweetest thing to me and John before we started this podcast.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  Which was very, very sweet, which I think the vulnerability from the last podcast is still playing a part because of the naivety.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  No, no, no, um, I was just trying to inject a bit of humour.

• 6:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, you should give it a go.

• 6:10Speaker 00

  Me? I just think I nailed it with the senior time. But, but I think it is, I think you have to have that spark and I think you have to go and do those things for you. Uh, also thank you for picking my shoes.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're gonna have a great time at Spud Gun.

• 6:25Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Particularly if you've never been to see Stand Up Before. If you have, you might find it a bit derivative.

• 6:35Speaker 00

  There's a lot of copied jokes, I do a lot of stuff from some of my favourite acts.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  If you've watched, do you know what, get in touch, you know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna reply with all of the acts that if you've seen, I wouldn't bother going to see Tom.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  If you, if you've watched Kevin Hart's show that he did in the, in the, in the round at the O2, you'll be, you'll, you'll be slightly shocked to see quite a lot of the same, if not all of the same material.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 00

  Performed by a big white man.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  You'll realise what's happening when, uh, Tom drops the M-bomb, uh.

• 7:05Speaker 00

  For the first time.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  He's forgotten to change it. And then eventually you get desensitised.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  And then the second half is just raw by Eddie Murphy, pretty much.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty much.

• 7:13Speaker 00

  But yeah, it's, it was.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Tommy, I want half, Tommy.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  I'm American woman, lad, Tommy.

• 7:26Speaker 00

  God, this McDonald's burger bit feels familiar.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  What's this whole thing about rocking?

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Just Tom going, I got an ice cream, are you going?

• 7:40Speaker 00

  The whole cinema bit.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  You are welfare.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Anyway, uh, in all seriousness, to answer your question seriously, uh, the guilt never, it never fully goes well, I don't think, because like, it's that thing, isn't it? It's that horrible stat here that you spend 80% of the time you're ever gonna spend with your children before they're 12.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  Right? And so, you, you feel guilty, you feel worried about them, but it's good for them and it's good for you.

• 8:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  You know, in terms of like, if you stop, if you don't go out, then it gets to a thing where it gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and then it just becomes unwieldy, and then all of a sudden you've got this issue with leaving your kids with anybody, and you don't want that, really.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  But also, I think there's a bearing of that stat that people keep putting up, uh, you know, you've only got this many weekends, you've only got this many days, this many hours, that's one of social media's most, it's almost like a negging gaslighting.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is, because, because.

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Makes everyone feel like shit.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, because, because the thing that I think is fucking annoying about that, right, is you might have with them, but they don't.

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  They've got their whole lives, and the arrogant assumption that the only worthwhile minutes your children have in their lives are the ones that are spent in intense contact with you.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Is so fucking mad, it's such a selfish, uh, it's such a quantifying nature of, of looking at your children. It's good for your children to have time away from you. It's, it's for me in particular, it's great for them developmentally, but like, I just think that, that, I don't like all of that, and, and I get why you feel guilty, when I go away, like, when we go on tour, or when we not, yeah, whenever, when, when we go on tour, when I go on tour, when I go and do travel shows, which I've tried, you know, I've tried to knock on the head now, when you do all that stuff, you do feel bad.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  You feel guilty, and you feel bad about leaving, sometimes when Lisa and I, the first few times Lisa and I went out and left, you know, obviously initially Theo and then the other boys of their own, we'd go to dinner, because we're trying to have a couples' night, and all we talk about is wonder what the boys are doing.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  You know, all of that, you can't help it, but, um, it's still the right thing to do, and you will just, what will happen is, as with all of these things, and you, and Belle, you won't find this that comforting now, it will just get easier, is the truth of it, it will do, and eventually you'll be like, oh god.

• 9:55Speaker 00

  Fuck it, yeah, and yeah, you'll be doing it all the time. Shout out Belle, shout out, and you're a great parent.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  But do not, do not allow the nerves to stop you from doing this thing.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Certainly, if you've got front row tickets, because let me tell you, it's, there's nothing quite as off-putting and soul-crushing as walking out on stage.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  And there's two empty seats in the front row.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  Tom's got a great, I've seen the show, and Tom's got a great 15 minute routine on the irresponsibility of leaving your children with someone else. I think you'll love it.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Okay, shall we get to the next one?

• 10:26Speaker 00

  Hi guys, email from Down Under. I'm from the UK but now live in Melbourne.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 10:32Speaker 00

  Ooh, do you have any custom greetings or specific ways you answer your phone for certain friends or family members? Obviously down here you get a lot of g'day.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  I thought that was a myth.

• 10:42Speaker 00

  Uh, but I have a certain friends that I get a what's on player, what's on player? And I have a guy from Leicester I work with, we opt for, hey up lad? And said very loudly, which does draw attention for those listening around us. Also, have you ever considered a reaction to something as good on the, as good on the pro as whoa, wow? Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, that's wow. That's Wolf and Al, yeah. Wolf and Al combined, that's quite, that's a good T-shirt. When the fucking merch is all but died now, isn't it?

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:12Speaker 00

  It's fucking, that's a shot in the fucking head.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  We've still got, if just if anybody, if anybody um needs cleaning rags or anything like a sh- like a shammy substitute for your car, I have got three garages full of party rom T-shirts that I will just-

• 11:30Speaker 00

  That was such a fucking stupid investment. We really thought that one was gonna fly.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 00

  Um, the burrito bar one did really well.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  There's a guy who turned up at the show the other night in the burrito bar one.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's good.

• 11:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  We should bring out a new range of merch. We need to update it.

• 11:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, we do. Yeah. Yeah.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  What actually we need to do is think of a decent name for the club night and that can be what the merch line is called.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, by the way, I'm getting quite a lot of DMs. Some people think the club night has happened underground and no one's talked about it.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  That's not true.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  The idea that we would have, the fu- sorry, the amount of stuff we talk about this incomplete. The idea that we would have organised, executed and done a night like that and not fucking-

• 12:07Speaker 00

  And Tom wouldn't have mentioned it.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Milk the arse out of it on this.

• 12:10Speaker 00

  Right. I think if you listen back to one of your previous podcasts around 12 minute-

• 12:14Speaker 01

  That'll never happen.

• 12:15Speaker 00

  Series for episode 24, BT reacts to something and it sounds like it goes, wow.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  Gold. Anyway, keep up the good work lads. You've basically become the only thing in my ears for the best part of a year. Peace out, Phil the Frog.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Hmm. Do you have different greetings?

• 12:31Speaker 00

  You know what I'd um, what I genuinely actually would love to bring back?

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  What's up? What's up? I actually think that's now gone such-

• 12:41Speaker 01

  You think it's so, it's actually cool again?

• 12:42Speaker 00

  I think, yeah, because I just think, number one, I don't think enough people talk on the phone anymore. You're probably one of the five people that I talk to on the phone.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Who, so Catherine?

• 12:51Speaker 00

  Catherine, you, my parents, the front.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:54Speaker 00

  And my mate Tommy.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Those are the only people you talk to on the phone?

• 12:57Speaker 00

  I don't really talk to anyone else on the phone. Like, it's a regular phone-

• 12:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't talk to many people regularly on the phone.

• 13:01Speaker 00

  You're probably the most regular person I talk to on the phone.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  No, I'm not the most reg- I can't be that.

• 13:05Speaker 00

  You and Catherine.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, my, yeah, parents once a week, but I check to you a couple times a week.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, yeah, it's weird that, isn't it? I like speaking on the phone.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, I do, yeah. But I just think a greeting like what's up? What's up? That was such a fucking good advert.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I loved it. Do you remember when Thierry Henry used it in his celebration in it?

• 13:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  After that.

• 13:25Speaker 00

  He's so classy.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Turn, over bar tears.

• 13:28Speaker 00

  Yeah. What's up? The coolest guy ever.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  So sick. And you're friends with him?

• 13:33Speaker 00

  I know. Yeah.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Well, you know him. He thinks I'm a fucking prick, thanks to Micah Richards.

• 13:39Speaker 00

  Why?

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Because one day they were doing the punditry on a game, I can't remember what the game was. And I text Mix and I said, just let Thierry know he's a legend. And then Mix immediately fa- it was during half time, FaceTimed me. I said, tell him yourself. And Thierry's like obviously doing notes. And I just went, I just don't want to do it. And you're a legend. And he just looked like, it was so eggy and embarrassing.

• 14:01Speaker 00

  Why didn't you ever tell me that story?

• 14:03Speaker 01

  For that reason, for this? Oh my god. Because I didn't want to see that. I didn't want to see the light-

• 14:08Speaker 00

  That's not on you, by the way. That's not on you.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  It's just, no, but it's still embarrassing, isn't it?

• 14:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, but what else are you supposed to do in that scenario?

• 14:15Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  Like, Micah's one of the loveliest guys in, and for-

• 14:18Speaker 01

  I love him.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, an absolute gentleman and an absolute great spirit, but like, that's, there's no one in that situation who's comes, you come on badly, but Thierry's in the middle of work.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think Vodafone did all right out of it.

• 14:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that, to you, that's the worst thing.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:34Speaker 00

  That's, I've had it where people do, oh mate, you know, let me just-

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Oh, ca- sorry, I, I, I, sorry to interrupt you.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  Th- this, this is an increasing trend, what you're about to describe, okay? It's, it's moved, I, this, I've definitely noticed it's moved from selfies to videos and can you FaceTime my friend?

• 14:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  And sometimes they don't wait for you to give an answer, it just happens.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  No, no, yeah, you just go, yeah, so and so's on the phone. And no one comes out of it well, because you go, oh, hello mate. And, and the person goes, aight, you alright? Unless they're steaming.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  And then you sort of go, oh, yeah, I didn't fancy it tonight then. And they go, oh, no, no, no, I didn't know anyone was going. And it's fucking awful. It's like such a like, so in that scenario, it's quite a-

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Well, actually, I was with John the other day. John and I were having a curry. We had a Wolf and Al get together, didn't we?

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Oh wow, nice. Fucking hell. Well, it's me and Ben.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Fuck, I knew we, I said to you there, people missing.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  The green man. The green man would have loved it.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Uh, I can't remember the guy's name. Mark Lafferty, I think it is, um, was sat at the next table. And he asked for a photo and he was due to be on the, he was on The Voice this weekend.

• 15:45Speaker 00

  Right.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  He'd not been on TV at this point.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  Right.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Asked me for a photo.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  And I don't know what he said to me, can you do a photo or video? I said, I'll do a photo. And then his mate, I don't know how, what happened, but he just-

• 15:58Speaker 00

  Oh my god, I've seen this.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  You've seen it?

• 16:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've seen, someone's put it up. I don't know, again, I'm watching it without sound.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it was a video.

• 16:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  And then it was fine, he's a nice guy, but it was like a bit like, do you know what I mean?

• 16:09Speaker 00

  You look very cool, by the way. That's very cool.

• 16:14Speaker 04

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• 16:40Speaker 05

  Bonjour compadre, it's the-

• 16:44Speaker 05

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• 17:10Speaker 00

  Kind of picture, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, thanks.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's like a look of sort of like, sort of a guilty, sort of sne- having a sneaky dinner. Ben Green will be devastated by this.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was there.

• 17:19Speaker 00

  Ben Green was there?

• 17:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  Oh my god. What about the kid who does the editing? Watch his face.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  He was there. Alfie? Alfie was there.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  Alfie was there, was he?

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, Alfie wasn't there. It was me, Ben and John.

• 17:32Speaker 00

  Zoe?

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Zoe wasn't there. I've said to you, I've just said to you, it's me, Ben and, no, George-

• 17:36Speaker 00

  So it's a lads trip, by the way.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  What do you mean by the way?

• 17:40Speaker 00

  Oh, two instrumental people in the podcast who weren't, and me. So, wow, I'd literally, if I'd been there, I'd have been, yeah.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  It was more of a working lunch.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a working lunch.

• 17:51Speaker 00

  A working lunch?

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, just talking about the podcast. It doesn't involve you, it's about the stuff that, you know, it's-

• 17:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, the day to day.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  If we were talking about the fucking closer, we'd have come to you, but-

• 18:01Speaker 00

  What about, did you chat about the club night?

• 18:04Speaker 01

  We didn't, it wasn't about Wolf and Al.

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  Okay, should we do another question? I hope that answered your question about greetings, by the way.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  What was that?

• 18:17Speaker 02

  It was also, do you have any like for specific people?

• 18:20Speaker 01

  Um, Lisa, I say, hey bubbe.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've got something on to Catherine.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Um, I say bubbe to Catherine as well.

• 18:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  Uh, what do I say to my brother?

• 18:31Speaker 00

  With Lisa, when she calls me, I go, you shouldn't call me, you're so naughty.

• 18:36Speaker 01

  Um, for dinner, what do I do for dinner? I can't remember. I'm sure-

• 18:40Speaker 00

  Dinner, I've heard you, you go, what do you want?

• 18:44Speaker 01

  I do say, what do you want a lot, actually. I do say that a lot.

• 18:47Speaker 00

  You always do like a funny thing when I, I've heard you do it to a few other people, where you are like, yes.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, the other thing I do say a lot is you're fruit of the dawn.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Tragic.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  Florence, you go Florence.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um-

• 19:06Speaker 00

  John, I'm like, oh my god.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  We don't need the fucking Edinburgh show.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  Beckett Becker?

• 19:21Speaker 00

  Redna- Reddish?

• 19:25Speaker 00

  My prince. Um, yeah. Yeah, I suppose actually I've when people call.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, cool.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Hi Wolf and Al and John, of course. Hope all is well. Just wanted to ask both about funny exchanges. I was rewatching the Last One Laughing episode where spoiler, Romesh loses. Sorry, you've made it out like I'm the only fucking loser in the whole thing.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, also you lost late, right?

• 19:47Speaker 01

  The bit that got him out was the funniest part of the show for me. The whole naked attraction conversation is still hilarious every time I remember it. It's Jimmy Carr coming and talking about. Anyway, my point is some words stick out more than others and cause you to hold on to them because the feelings they are accompanied by. What I wanted to know is what exchanges or conversations have stuck out to you the most in your lives? Either funny exchanges, or if you want to delve further, I'd love to hear about the most meaningful. Thank you for reading, guys. Can't wait to see Tom on his Spud Gun show in Brighton in October. Cheers. Nathan?

• 20:16Speaker 00

  Nathan?

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Why the fuck does nobody ever say they're coming to see me?

• 20:20Speaker 00

  Because everyone's going to see you.

• 20:21Speaker 01

  Well, then, this guy, this person isn't.

• 20:23Speaker 00

  No, I think everyone is. I think it's taken us, I think people feel sorry for me. So they say we're coming to see you.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  No, but we never get messages about people that come.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  Because I think, can I just say, I've had to do three videos to try and sell.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Me too, bro.

• 20:36Speaker 00

  No, you've just put up a thing going, are we doing another night in Newcastle? I'm struggling to sell it one night in Newcastle. So I think that.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Well, you've not been doing sun up as long as me. It's not been.

• 20:46Speaker 00

  Well, the Wolfpack are very sweet. I think they're going, oh, look, let's try and build his spirits.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  I don't think that's what they're doing. You're a mate. Come on. You need your spirits lifted up.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Because of your career.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  Sorry, mate. I don't mind a little bit of self-deprecation, but don't take the fucking piss.

• 21:06Speaker 00

  I think that's what people.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  Okay, fine.

• 21:07Speaker 00

  Look, you've sold tickets. You're smashing it.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  All right, all right. Let's not, let's not get into this.

• 21:11Speaker 00

  Thank you for coming.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  I haven't got actually conversations. I've got like moments.

• 21:18Speaker 00

  What do you mean like?

• 21:19Speaker 01

  So for example, when I was filming Asian Provocateur, um, Sam Hardy, the cameraman.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  Shout out Sam Hardy.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Is such a great guy and such a great camera op. He, we were having, we're in filming somewhere. I can't remember what the event was, but we went around doing like shitting loads and loads of stuff in Sri Lanka. And at one point, we were having dinner and it was all like plastic furniture and he sat down to eat. And the chair collapsed in such slow motion and he ended up on his back. And I started properly pissing myself laughing. And every time I really think about that moment, it started making me, it makes me start laughing again. I've, there's lots of things like that.

• 21:59Speaker 00

  Poor Sam.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was laughing along as well. He was, he was, he was out of hospital in about a month and he, his coccyx or whatever it is, is never going to be.

• 22:09Speaker 00

  I had an awful one where, um, this is so good. I was filming a thing, I think it was a sketch. And I was dressed in like this tiny thong. It was where I was carrying a proper bit of timber and the whole idea was I'd walk into this, this scene. I had to sit on this tiny little stool.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 22:27Speaker 00

  And I always remember just walking in and sitting on the stool and the stool breaking under like literally, I felt one leg break. And I've started going that way and then another leg went, it was three legs and they felt them individually snap and go like that. And I hit the deck and my bollocks just fell out of this thong. And I remember just the whole like crew and the other cast sort of, there was laughter, but there was also a feeling that was so indignifying. You know, one of those things where you're just laying there and I was like, I can either fame more pain than I'm in or try and get up and, and I started just profusely sweating. It was an awful moment.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Do you know Rob and Romesh versus NBA?

• 23:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  I don't know if you've watched that one, but we did, we had got a colonic in LA.

• 23:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  Right. So first like Rob gets his done and I'm sat by his bedside and it's like whatever and he's got the cheap up and they cover you with towels and shit.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  And then they do it to me and I don't know if they turned it up for me or I've just got a different sensitivity. I found it like they, it really felt weird, right? And I was finding it really uncomfortable. And then they were going like, you've got to stay as long as you can. Like they're going to try and fill you up as much as they possibly can. So I'm lying then. I'm like, it's really uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. And then I, I've had enough and I go to pull the towel, the top towel off me. And I pull everything off me and just show my cock and balls to everybody in the room. The whole crew, the woman doing the colonic, Rob, there's three cameras on me.

• 23:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's horrible, right? Those moments, they're the moments that stay with you.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  Yeah. But it's happy things. Sometimes there's, there's moments that you've said very positive things to me or about me or moments that other people have.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Well, after the, after the, um, after the play, when you first came to the, I've mentioned this before, but after the press night of the play. You phoned me up and it wasn't just what you said, it was the way you said it was like, as if, I didn't need confirmation, but it just showed me what a great friend you are.

• 24:25Speaker 00

  Well, I know, but and also you were incredible at that thing. It's slightly, you need to do right, Tim. Thanks.

• 24:35Speaker 00

  Hey, Rob and Tom. I'm a relatively new listener from Melbourne, Australia, who quickly become a fan of your lighthearted banter you bring each week. I've never felt compelled to email in about anything to any podcast ever, but having just watched episode four of The Gentleman, I feel like the need to say bravo to Tom for your performance.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Great.

• 24:52Speaker 00

  I had no idea you were on the show.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  We're two for two here. This is fucking wonderful.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  It's a pleasant surprise. Bizarrely, after the first episode, I thought to myself, wow, you know who'd fit right in here? Tom Davis. And low and behold, you made an appearance. Spoiler alert for all listeners, I have one question about the hawk storyline. Why did you not push for the valuable bird to be an owl? Don't you care about Rom at all? Surely he has some pull with Guy to make the changes to honour your bestie. Anyway, I hope Rom forgives you because I need this pod. Yours, Orky Hawk.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  Hmm. Thank you so much, Orky Hawk.

• 25:34Speaker 00

  Um, I, I, I was just genuinely so happy to be there. There was no, um, pushing for different and also.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  I mean, that can't be a real question. You can't say to Guy Ritchie, can we change the bird?

• 25:44Speaker 00

  Good rubbish. Frank and Ethan's nickname on the podcast I do is an owl. Um, it was also, yeah, it was a falcon, right? So.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  I've not watched it.

• 25:53Speaker 00

  You've not watched it?

• 25:54Speaker 01

  I've not watched the series two, the, can I tell you, can I just?

• 25:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Before you get angry.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  I'm not going to get angry.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  Lisa and I have to watch it together and we haven't had a chance. So I, I, I actually, when I was flying to Scotland.

• 26:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  I downloaded two episodes because I, I'm going to start watching and then I just felt, I just thought I can't do it. If Lisa's going to be so gutted, I've held fire, so.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  It's very good. I will say shout out Theo James in this series of The Gentleman is fucking unreal. He, how he's not the next Bond, I would, I'll never know.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  He is the next Bond, isn't he?

• 26:22Speaker 00

  He should be. He's not, but I don't.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Or Jack Loudon, maybe.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  I just think Theo James has had something. And yeah, he's remarkable as an actor. Very, very, very talented guy.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Hmm. Not as a bloke.

• 26:33Speaker 00

  As a bloke, I adore him. Very funny. Very, very, very.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  It's just the way you said that.

• 26:38Speaker 00

  He's got good Rom energy.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  He's, he's got like, yeah, good piss taker.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  That's good. You know what I was hoping is that the good looking, handsome, great actor Theo James was as funny as me. That's just what I wanted to hear. Fuck you, Theo.

• 26:56Speaker 00

  Salt, salt bays in the fucking house.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  I'm just joking. I'm a huge fan.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's a sweetheart. He's amazing. He's a good guy. Um, but yeah, you don't, I didn't really have much say about that sort of stuff.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  No, thanks, Orky Hawk for that.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Very much was a, yeah, just very, very.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  If he'd have put that to Guy Ritchie, he would have been a bit of an Orky Wolf.

• 27:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was very, just very thirsty and thankful just to be there.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. You and Guy Ritchie are good mates, aren't you?

• 27:25Speaker 00

  Uh, I was like, yeah, we get on.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  You said to me and John before the pod.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  No, I mean, I'd like to think, yeah, we get on.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  You call him, you don't you call him my homie?

• 27:32Speaker 00

  No, I call him Big Bro Guy.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  His pub's good.

• 27:38Speaker 00

  His pub's incredible. Not for Rom. Later than that. It's very meat heavy.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 27:43Speaker 00

  It's a very meaty restaurant. He loves meat. So that's one of the things we wanted.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Fuck you, Guy Ritchie.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  You probably.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Just kidding, I'm a big fan.

• 27:53Speaker 00

  We probably know you as Plant Boy or something like that.

• 27:58Speaker 00

  Diplo Docus.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. They get a little cameo. Oh, fucking hell, that plant based **** on the way.

• 28:04Speaker 00

  Hello, Mitch. Anyone order a vegan?

• 28:07Speaker 01

  Are you at PBC?

• 28:11Speaker 00

  We should do a little scene for the gentleman where you're like, you're, you're, you're trying to be like a cool guy, like a sort of, what, what would be your character, do you think? Gus is great in it as well, wouldn't I?

• 28:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure he is.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  What would be your?

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Maya Jam is in it as well.

• 28:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, Maya's insane in it. Yeah, she's great. Who, what would your character be? Like a killer, maybe? Like a hitman?

• 28:29Speaker 01

  Um, I'm wondering if I'd be like, just sort of like a little nerd that is really.

• 28:32Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no. You've got to go against time.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  Even if I did know that, which I do, I love the way, I love the way you deliver that line.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  Right. You should be a killer, right? You've been hired in. They've got a big cleanup and you, you're a killer. Where do you want to come from?

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Uh, Crawley.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  Okay. Okay, now, let's give you some imagination.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Oh, all right, fine. Woking.

• 29:03Speaker 00

  Right. You come from Glasgow?

• 29:04Speaker 01

  All right, fine.

• 29:05Speaker 00

  Okay, right. We better call him in. They're calling him the trigger. He's as hard as anybody you've ever met.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  I like ****.

• 29:15Speaker 00

  You all right, Trigger?

• 29:19Speaker 00

  That's not too bad. You're all right, Trigger. Someone says if we've got a man that needs to know something, you're the person to teach him.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  That's right. I'm your fucking boy.

• 29:27Speaker 00

  Right. Very nice. Very nice. Now we need to make a statement, Trigger. Someone says you've got some naughty ways of getting rid of a boy.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I could fucking.

• 29:44Speaker 00

  We don't want anything like that.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  I could fuck him. I could fuck him to death.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no. You need to lay down the mark. I think that's sincere.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  Stick a, stick a skewer right up in their ring piece. Fucking turn it around and around, put an apple in their mouth and eat him in a fucking bap, like a bit of pulled pork. Would you like that? In your fucking chimney and smoke it.

• 30:07Speaker 00

  You do what you've got to do, Trigger.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  I fucking will too. Right, I will.

• 30:11Speaker 00

  You earn the money, we'll pay it, son.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  Pardon?

• 30:17Speaker 01

  That's every working situation you're describing there.

• 30:21Speaker 00

  You earn the money, we pay it.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Right. Like it would be in a normal office job.

• 30:25Speaker 00

  Get yourself quizzical and don't get yourself in any kind of dilemma. You're here to do a service.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  Dilemma?

• 30:31Speaker 00

  Whatever service you need to do.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Right.

• 30:33Speaker 00

  You'd better do proper.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 30:35Speaker 00

  Or we'll come looking for you and it won't be nice.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  You come looking for me, it won't be nice for you.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  Well, is that a threat?

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Pretty much, yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  I don't know what else it could be.

• 30:49Speaker 00

  We're gonna taste that one, son.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  I'll fucking taste that one in a minute, mate.

• 30:54Speaker 00

  You better have eyes on the back of your head. That's all I'm saying. Because you will be coming for you.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:00Speaker 00

  And you'll need to look, and you won't be, if you want to.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  But what if you're coming from the front and the eyes in the back are useless?

• 31:05Speaker 00

  I never come from the front. I always come from behind.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Right, well, that's a crazy thing to tell someone.

• 31:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're good.

• 31:15Speaker 01

  It was all right, wasn't it? I'd lost it. It's difficult to stay on the accent, isn't it?

• 31:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think the accent, the accent is great. I actually would think when you weren't thinking too much about it.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw, who was it? Bradley Cooper talking about this, actually.

• 31:26Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you, I actually think there's a, there's an air of you that could be quite good in something like that.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:32Speaker 00

  Hair all slick back, get rid of the tash.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  Why?

• 31:35Speaker 00

  Turn a little goatee.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:37Speaker 00

  Like Konza from Arsenal.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:38Speaker 00

  He's a bad guy.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, he offered out Jacque, didn't he?

• 31:41Speaker 00

  Mate, he's cool as fuck.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Pretty hairy. Anyway, send your questions and stories to [email protected]. It's genuinely lovely to hear from you. Also remember to like and subscribe. If you're not liked and subscribed, you're not fully supporting this podcast. And therefore not fully supporting Tom's career, as so many of you seem to want to do. See you later, guys. Bye.