Sleepovers, School Friends And Insecurities

What was going on at the boys' high school sleepovers?! In this episode of Wolf & Owl, Romesh and Tom take a trip back to their childhoods and reveal some of the strange, awkward, and occasionally traumatic experiences that came with high school friendships. From imbalanced friend dynamics to outright strange parents and school rumours, the guys cover it all. Tom reflects on how our past teenage selves can still make an appearance today after bumping into people from high school, and Romesh deals with some old guilt, hopefully fixed by an inspired guided role play from Tom. It's a week of reflections from Wolf & Owl. Don't miss it! A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 01:55 Childhood sleepover memories 11:27 Rom’s unaged drinking story 12:40 Tom’s sexy sleepover rumour 16:28 A Blue Lagoon issue 19:38 Rom’s friend went missing (briefly) 28:28 Resorting back to being a kid 37:47 A high school throwback role play 42:46 Tom's Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome to the Wolf and Owl Podcast.

• 0:06Tom Davis?

  Yo, what's up?

• 0:07Speaker 00

  Uh, welcome to another episode of the Wolf and Owl Podcast. We're delighted to have you. Uh, my name's Romesh.

• 0:12Tom Davis?

  Enamored to have you.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Yes, my name's Romesh Ranganathan.

• 0:15Tom Davis?

  To have you, friends.

• 0:17Speaker 00

  My name is Romesh Ranganathan.

• 0:19Tom Davis?

  Everybody knows your name.

• 0:21Speaker 00

  My name is Romesh Ranganathan and.

• 0:24Tom Davis?

  My name is Tom Davis.

• 0:26Speaker 00

  And we, together, we are the Wolf and the Howl. Howie? Oh, you're just showing your little navel?

• 0:34Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 0:34Speaker 00

  Well, that's nice.

• 0:35Tom Davis?

  A little bit of a tease.

• 0:51Speaker 00

  Howie?

• 0:52Tom Davis?

  Yeah, good. Slightly, no, we've, we've had a bit of a feast before the show.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  Let's just get it out in the open. Big shout out to Shan. Sort of set us some KFC. I had a vegan burger.

• 1:04Tom Davis?

  Delicious, it looked, the way you sucked it down.

• 1:06Speaker 00

  John and Zoe from the office had about three to four kilos of chicken between them.

• 1:12Speaker 00

  Uh, with fries and all the sauces.

• 1:14Tom Davis?

  I didn't have, I only had a little splattering of fries.

• 1:16Speaker 00

  Splattering?

• 1:17Tom Davis?

  I probably had a potato and a half of fries.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  I'd say that's more than splattering. That's a big old splat, that.

• 1:23Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 1:23Speaker 00

  A potato and a half of fries?

• 1:26Speaker 02

  I think you've done yourself a disservice. I think you had half a potato.

• 1:29Tom Davis?

  You had about half a potato, about half a potato.

• 1:31Speaker 00

  How many fries did you have, John?

• 1:32Speaker 02

  I had loads.

• 1:33Tom Davis?

  Yeah, John, John loves eating. He's a real good eater.

• 1:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:36Tom Davis?

  He's got a good appetite.

• 1:37Speaker 00

  The livest of the three of us.

• 1:39Tom Davis?

  Yeah, you know, if you went around someone's house when you were a kid?

• 1:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:42Tom Davis?

  And that would be the description their parents would say. He's got a good appetite.

• 1:45Speaker 00

  You're not inviting John round, are you?

• 1:46Tom Davis?

  He's got a great appetite. No, no, but.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  I'll have to go down and, we'll have to do the weekly shop a couple of days early.

• 1:51Tom Davis?

  Philip doesn't eat, but you're John, he's got a good appetite.

• 1:53Speaker 00

  Greedy little fucks coming round.

• 1:55Tom Davis?

  What were you like as a kid going on people's houses?

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Um, I, I used to go around people's houses for a sleepover.

• 2:03Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  And then I'd get homesick and then ask to be picked up.

• 2:07Tom Davis?

  That is cute. It's not surprising, but it's cute.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  It's a bit tragic, isn't it?

• 2:11Tom Davis?

  What time would it be?

• 2:12Speaker 00

  Like, as it was getting towards bedtime, I'd start to get a bit nervous and anxious about staying over.

• 2:17Tom Davis?

  So you were like the kid who'd go down and have a cuddle with whoever was at mum's house?

• 2:23Speaker 00

  So if you make. Would I go and have a cuddle with my mate's mum?

• 2:26Tom Davis?

  No, like, because they give you a cuddle because you were scared.

• 2:29Speaker 00

  No, they didn't give me a cuddle.

• 2:30Tom Davis?

  Oh, okay. But you'd sit.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Did you used to cuddle your mates' mums?

• 2:33Tom Davis?

  No, no. If you got upset and there was some bullying going on, yeah.

• 2:37Speaker 00

  If I walked in and saw Lisa giving one of the boys' mates a cuddle.

• 2:42Tom Davis?

  No, not cuddle cuddle, but like the arm round, like, you know, are we watching EastEnders, Rom? Do you want to, oh bless him, he doesn't want to be upstairs with the other boys.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think I'd last till, till after the end of EastEnders before I wanted to go home.

• 2:54Tom Davis?

  But what, so it'd be like 10 o'clock?

• 2:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, nine, nine o'clock when it's starting to, people are starting to talk about bedtime, I'll start to get nervous.

• 3:00Tom Davis?

  What kind of sleepover are you at nine o'clock? Everyone's going, let's go to bed then.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  Well, no, you know, you sort of move to the bedroom, don't you?

• 3:06Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:07Speaker 00

  And you take, you pack up all your lube.

• 3:08Tom Davis?

  Mortal Kombat goes on.

• 3:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, and then you take all your sort of blankets and all the rubber.

• 3:13Tom Davis?

  You're kissing your mate on the back of the neck.

• 3:15Speaker 00

  Gimp mask and all that.

• 3:16Tom Davis?

  So.

• 3:17Speaker 00

  And the waxing strips.

• 3:18Tom Davis?

  What was it that made you so terrified?

• 3:19Speaker 00

  I don't know. It was like a phase I went through where I just started to.

• 3:23Tom Davis?

  Were you a bed wetter?

• 3:23Speaker 00

  No. What are you doing? You're trying to collect, you're trying to collect little bits of it?

• 3:27Tom Davis?

  I'm just asking.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  No, I wasn't, were you?

• 3:28Tom Davis?

  Yeah, not until I was old, but yeah, yeah, I wet the bed up until probably I was about, I don't know, six.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  I imagine for, what, a kid of your size, you'd have to replace the whole.

• 3:36Tom Davis?

  The house?

• 3:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:39Speaker 00

  Your dad looking up at the lights, there's fucking water coming through the light fitting, no?

• 3:43Tom Davis?

  He's pissed the bed again. He's, he's pissing in his cage again. Um, no, that's.

• 3:50Speaker 00

  Boom, boom, stop pissing, you silly.

• 3:59Tom Davis?

  Give him another baby, Ruth, he'll be all right. Um, so what was, what, just a phase? So you'd just be scared?

• 4:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, and then it was obviously embarrassing because you, you, I was, you're really anxious about staying.

• 4:09Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  I would, I would just be honest about that and go, I don't, I don't, I don't.

• 4:14Tom Davis?

  That's incredible for a boy at that age.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  Well, it was very difficult.

• 4:17Tom Davis?

  No, but you're 13, 14.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  I wasn't 13, 14.

• 4:20Tom Davis?

  How old were you?

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Like, nine, 10?

• 4:23Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  So I'd ask to phone home.

• 4:27Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  And I'd say, is it possible to come and get me? And my, the friend.

• 4:32Tom Davis?

  I'm not going to go in here because I actually think it's kind of.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  One of my friends, it was, it happened a couple of times with the same friend.

• 4:37Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Speaker 00

  Obviously, he's a little bit of a loss because the other thing is, I then go,

• 4:45Speaker 00

  next time I'm going to stay round and then I'm all enthusiastic.

• 4:48Tom Davis?

  So you're a tease?

• 4:49Speaker 00

  No, so then the next time, I'm all enthusiastic. Rom, are you starting to feel funny about staying over? No, no, no. I'm totally fine. Nine o'clock comes around, can I phone my mum please?

• 5:00Tom Davis?

  Yeah, but what's sweet though is you, you, you, you weren't perturbed, you went back.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Well, I was trying to get, this is, this is a thing I didn't.

• 5:08Tom Davis?

  I feel sorry for your friend.

• 5:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, me too.

• 5:09Tom Davis?

  Because you're basically.

• 5:10Speaker 00

  He's done nothing wrong.

• 5:11Tom Davis?

  Yeah, but then you're, he's become your test, you know, so you're practising kissing with him.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  A funny story about that friend.

• 5:17Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 5:18Speaker 00

  Many years later.

• 5:19Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  I saw him.

• 5:21Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  On Michael McIntyre's TV show.

• 5:24Tom Davis?

  Oh, that was him?

• 5:25Speaker 00

  That was him, Dylan.

• 5:26Tom Davis?

  Wow.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:26Tom Davis?

  And you know what? He didn't even say that's the secret about you on the show.

• 5:29Speaker 00

  No, I would have, it would, it is great of him to not go, Romesh used to cry when you have to stay around my house. Remember me?

• 5:36Tom Davis?

  Yeah, that was, or he'd just go, funny memory, Romesh used to say to everyone that he wanted to sleep, he was a bit of like, you know,

• 5:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:43Tom Davis?

  A tease and he'd go, I'm going to definitely come and stay, I'm going to come and stay at your house tonight.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  Well, we've got an idea of how you view children.

• 5:54Speaker 00

  That's how you imagine young boys.

• 5:57Tom Davis?

  No, you as a young boy, I can imagine you view it.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  Oh, cool. No, that's all right. You'd find me sexy as a young boy. No, that clears everything up. I thought it was a bit sinister and weird, but well done, mate. Got egg on my face. Absolutely outmaneuvered me there.

• 6:18Tom Davis?

  So you, did you then just go and sit on the sofa? Or did you stay in the bedroom until your mum came?

• 6:23Speaker 00

  No, I'd, uh.

• 6:25Tom Davis?

  That's the awkward bit. It's when someone made that phone call to go home.

• 6:28Speaker 00

  Well, because you know, it's that thing of like.

• 6:29Tom Davis?

  It's very hard to sit in the bedroom with everyone else.

• 6:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was, then you're embarrassed because the anxiety vanishes because you know you're about to go home. It's a bit like, um, when, uh, do you know when you're agonising over, if you're doing a job you really like?

• 6:42Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  And then you're gonna, you want to call in sick because you're feeling ill.

• 6:45Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  And you, you have a few, if you're, if you're in a job that you feel conscientious about, sometimes you don't give a fuck. Like, some jobs you just go, I'm not coming in. But some jobs you'd feel really bad about it. When I was teaching, you know, if I was ill, I'd be, I'd be really having this internal debate because you know the knock-on effects about of not, you know? So you're sort of thinking, can I go, shall I, shall I go and shall I not? And you get really anxious about it and then you think, I'm too ill, man, this is too bad. You phone up, the second you phone up.

• 7:10Tom Davis?

  You start feeling better.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  You start, immediately feel better because that anxiety's gone. Then you start feeling guilty about the fact that you've called in sick.

• 7:17Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  You know, there, there's times where I think, if I didn't think it broke, like, it didn't make me look like a weirdo, I'd phone about half an hour later and go, oh, actually, I'm coming in, I'm coming in now. That's the feeling of like, when you're, so you'd be really anxious, really anxious, really anxious. Can I phone my mum? Yes. Mum, can you come and get me? As soon as she's on her way, I feel so stupid and I should be able to stay around here. But I, you know, it's just a bit. And.

• 7:45Tom Davis?

  I stuck it out sometimes and just didn't, didn't sleep.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  So did that happen to you as well?

• 7:48Tom Davis?

  Yeah, no, but sometimes I'd, I'd just stick it out just to, because I was too scared. I, I, that's what I mean about respecting what you're doing. I'd just stick it out and.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  So you'd be like, you'd be feeling horrible?

• 7:58Tom Davis?

  Yeah, anxious all night and feeling on edge all night.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:00Tom Davis?

  I remember going around my, my friend's house when I was a kid and his mum and dad having the wildest, maddest argument I've ever heard. Two adults have.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 8:10Tom Davis?

  And him and his brother, I was sleeping on the floor and his.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  I don't remember us being friends as kids.

• 8:17Tom Davis?

  And him and his brother were fast asleep and I was on the floor between them.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Oh my God, so they were asleep and you can hear this argument?

• 8:22Tom Davis?

  I was laying there and his mum and dad started having this shout.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  He's a horrible little kid.

• 8:27Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  Why did you say it was okay if you stay round?

• 8:30Tom Davis?

  He's eating us. How, how could somebody eat a whole box of potato waffles? Um, but, but they were really shouting and screaming. And I, at that point.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  Do you have any recollection of what the argument was about?

• 8:41Tom Davis?

  No, I mean, you know, when you can just hear swearing and, and, you know, uh, and like, just laying there thinking, I really want to call my mum.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Just you lying there with your little beanie on?

• 8:50Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Tom Davis?

  I really want to call home right now.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:55Tom Davis?

  But there, there's no part of me that feels like comfortable enough to walk downstairs.

• 8:59Speaker 00

  I think it would be, that would, listen, I, I think that's a big move to have heard all of that.

• 9:05Tom Davis?

  Is that why I called my mum?

• 9:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, look, um, so, sorry to.

• 9:08Tom Davis?

  What? What's wrong?

• 9:09Speaker 00

  Um, well, it's just that you're clearly dysfunctional.

• 9:14Tom Davis?

  God, you, you're clearly insane. So I was going to call my mum and then as soon as I get in the car with my mum, I'd probably go to the phone box and call the police because what's happening?

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't think my friends are safe here.

• 9:24Tom Davis?

  It was like utterly terrifying. I'd still remember that. And then the next day, I had to go down for breakfast and everything was seemingly fine.

• 9:34Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 9:35Tom Davis?

  And then walking to school with my friend, I was like, just didn't say anything about it. But by the way, there was, it wasn't even a fun sleepover before that.

• 9:41Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 9:42Tom Davis?

  You know?

• 9:43Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, it's difficult. My, my kids like love sleepovers. I mean, obviously Theo's not doing sleepovers now, he's doing it in his girlfriend's house, but like Charlie. Charlie and Alex do sleepovers.

• 9:52Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 9:53Speaker 00

  And they love it, like, and then, and then Charlie, Charlie every night sends me a goodnight text, right?

• 9:59Tom Davis?

  That's sweet.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  Well, like, e- even if he's in, if he's in the house, he'll just go, goodnight, dad, love you. When he's doing it, when I was. When he's doing a sleepover, he'll ta, he'll remember to text me before he's about to go to sleep. If he's doing a sleepover, I get those texts at three in the morning. Like, those kids are fucking, I don't know what they're up to, man. But I wake up the next day, 3.40, goodnight, dad.

• 10:22Tom Davis?

  Oh, bless him.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  We've got a big day tomorrow, mate. I don't know what you're playing at.

• 10:25Tom Davis?

  Well, he's an actor, he's a part.

• 10:26Speaker 00

  So I just text him back going, wait till you get home, you little shit.

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• 11:15Speaker 00

  It's so strange, isn't it? You sort of forget about it. Kevin Bridges did an amazing routine about going around someone's house. Do you remember that? All that house rice?

• 11:22Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 11:22Speaker 00

  And then sleeping over.

• 11:24Tom Davis?

  He did such a good routine, by the way, in this world of stand-up. That's such a good routine, no one else can ever do a bit about sleep going to a sleepover again.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  Oh, so good, man. So good.

• 11:31Tom Davis?

  He sort of just completed.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, all right, mate. Fucking hell. Why don't you clean his ring when you're doing his podcast?

• 11:36Tom Davis?

  If you had one, I'd be there.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I bet you would. Okay, Kev, sorry to bother you, good. It's Tom. Just saying, mate, look, I know you said you'd get back to me about coming on the pod, but like, just whenever you need me, mate, like.

• 11:47Tom Davis?

  I know you haven't got a project, Kev.

• 11:48Speaker 00

  Just to reiterate, like.

• 11:50Tom Davis?

  You've got a guest here, bruv.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:51Tom Davis?

  As soon as it happens.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  What I thought I might do, I know you haven't got a podcast, I might, I'm gonna, the next voice note is gonna be what I would do on your podcast if you had one.

• 11:59Tom Davis?

  And I'm more than happy to sort of big you up as much as you need. I can do quotes from some of your shows. That's how I sort of first met Romesh, was very much in this way.

• 12:10Speaker 00

  It's such a weird thing. I always think about that when like, when the boys have friends over, you just think of it as like they're just in your house, but they're entering a whole new, like, there's all this different set of expectations, the family does stuff differently, like, it's just a completely different thing. And I'd say, something like, you sort of, sometimes actually, you know, when you go, you go hang out with another couple, and the way they speak to each other sometimes you're surprised about, do you know what I mean? It's like, we all have, we all fall into these individual sets of codes of conduct, do you know what I mean? That you kind of agree.

• 12:40Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 12:40Speaker 00

  And then suddenly you're like, what the fuck? So then when you're a kid, it start, that's when it starts. You go to someone's house and you go, shit, this is how they do this here.

• 12:47Tom Davis?

  Yeah, people have different dinners.

• 12:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. I remember like, I used to go around to this kid's house. He's like, he's a Turkish origin kid, and his mum was, um, his mum, obviously was Turkish, and she, I don't know if she fully understood the ramifications of what she was doing, but we, I used to go around there when we were eight or nine, she'd let us drink beer.

• 13:05Tom Davis?

  Really?

• 13:05Speaker 00

  Yeah. We would, I don't think, I don't, I think he was just pulling a fast one, and he'd go, oh, can we get some, like, tenons? And then I'd go around there, we'd have fish fingers and chips.

• 13:18Tom Davis?

  And beer and a pint of beer.

• 13:19Speaker 00

  Jesus.

• 13:21Tom Davis?

  It's like, I remember there was a boy I was at, uh, school with, uh, and he was Nigerian, and like, I remember how strict his mum was.

• 13:30Speaker 00

  Please let this be relevant to the story.

• 13:33Tom Davis?

  No, but I just remember going round and loving it.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  I don't think the Turkish was relevant to the story, was it?

• 13:36Tom Davis?

  No, but I, no, no, but I, I loved going round.

• 13:38Speaker 00

  I don't think it was. I think I'm a racist.

• 13:41Tom Davis?

  I loved going round his house, because I just loved the vibe there.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:45Tom Davis?

  Do you know, this is the, this is the one that there was a like, there was one of our mates who was, I'm gonna be really careful not to, at the school, his, there was like, what do they call it? Like a rumor that goes around?

• 13:55Speaker 00

  Gossip?

• 13:56Tom Davis?

  No, not gossip, you know, like it's a, I can't remember the fucking name of it, I'm too tired to think of it. No sleep this week.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  Whisper of East Asian origin?

• 14:03Tom Davis?

  Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's like, it's like, so, but basically, if I tell you, you'll get what it is, I got, my brain's gone. Um, I think it maybe went two years ago, but it's slowly on the decline. Um, he, like, people go, have you been around so, I really haven't worked hard not to name him. Have you, have you been around San Francisco for a sleepover?

• 14:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, it must have been hard doing that.

• 14:23Tom Davis?

  Uh, his mum walks around in really sexy lingerie, and everyone's like, what? And it's, yeah, apparently like, this, one of my mates went, yeah, basically, I woke up at three in the morning, and his mum was there, and she was just wearing sexy underwear.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  Where was his mum at three in the morning?

• 14:40Tom Davis?

  In the, in the living room, when they're all sleeping. And he said, uh, we still don't want.

• 14:44Speaker 00

  Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Hold on a second. So the kids are all asleep in the living room, and she's wandering around in sexy lingerie at 3am?

• 14:52Tom Davis?

  This is, right, so this is what I'm saying about like, the, what people call this sort of story. I can't fucking know, there's a name for it.

• 14:59Speaker 00

  Urban myth?

• 14:59Tom Davis?

  Yes.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Urban legend?

• 15:00Tom Davis?

  Right, an urban legend, yeah. Right, so he's like, yeah, so, and he like, he was whisper, he was a bit like Jay Cartwright, I guess, in a way, from in between, he's just like, I woke up and she's just, you know, she's in her sexy lingerie, and she's just walking around.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  Oh, well, not this, yeah.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  Do I know what, am I doing a bit now, or am I fucking really in on this story?

• 15:20Tom Davis?

  That's exactly, well, that's what we're all like. What? Yeah. And, um, and she just, like, you know, and she just left some little bits of midnight snacks, some chocolate bars and stuff, next to my bed.

• 15:32Speaker 00

  So she came in, in her lingerie and dropped off some snacks?

• 15:34Tom Davis?

  Yeah. So that became a thing of like, oh, yeah, everyone started becoming friends with this guy to, to go around and have a sleepover at his house. And then about two or three other people went round and said like, similar stories, you know? One that was that she made their cereal the next morning, and she was in like, sexy lingerie and high heels.

• 15:52Speaker 00

  High heels?

• 15:54Tom Davis?

  Yeah, like.

• 15:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think there's a bit of embellishment now.

• 15:56Tom Davis?

  Yeah, but, but when you'd see his mum at the school drop off, she was quite a meek sort of sweet woman, and I was, but then, you know, you never know, do you? But no one.

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Did you ever go round?

• 16:05Tom Davis?

  I got invited round once.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  Why didn't you go round?

• 16:08Tom Davis?

  I went round there.

• 16:09Speaker 00

  You used to tell me that you were the biggest perv in the school.

• 16:13Tom Davis?

  That was my brag. Oh, I'm Tom Davis, by the way, I'm an ex-scarf, I'm trying to be a stand-up. By the way, I was the biggest perv at my school when I was 12.

• 16:23Speaker 00

  I know what you're thinking. Was I the biggest perv in school at 12?

• 16:26Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 16:26Speaker 00

  Just a bit.

• 16:28Tom Davis?

  That was disgusting.

• 16:32Tom Davis?

  Um, yeah, but there was nothing like that when I went round. But then, like, the other boys.

• 16:37Speaker 00

  Well, I bet you were going, just go to bed, go, oh, it's such a shame to go bed peckish. I reckon I want something about 3am.

• 16:46Tom Davis?

  I'm quite open-minded. I don't scare easy. Never called my mum at one of these before. Um, but there was like.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  But nothing happened?

• 16:54Tom Davis?

  No, no.

• 16:55Speaker 00

  So then, did you then go around telling people that?

• 17:01Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I was like, nothing happened. Yeah. But also, by the way, all this is going on behind his back.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:06Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  I actually think that's a decent thing to do.

• 17:08Tom Davis?

  Because it's the same boy whose dad used to put on, it was an old movie called Blue Lagoon. Do you remember it?

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was like a soft.

• 17:17Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Soft erotica.

• 17:18Tom Davis?

  So he used to put that on for everyone, like, people to watch when they went round.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  What the fuck are you talking about?

• 17:24Tom Davis?

  This is true. So they, they used to watch that, and.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  Hold on, hold on. He'd put it on for, he wouldn't put it on for the kids.

• 17:30Tom Davis?

  Yeah, he put it on when they have the sleepover.

• 17:32Speaker 00

  You'd go round there.

• 17:33Tom Davis?

  So you'd have.

• 17:34Speaker 00

  And, and sorry, mate, because this is sounding a bit fucking.

• 17:38Tom Davis?

  Yes, it's true.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  This is sounding like two people working in cahoots. Did all the kids come out of there?

• 17:43Tom Davis?

  Yeah, all the kids go round.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  Did any of them, like, licking their chops or anything? You know what? It's like, the, the dad puts on Blue Lagoon, and then the mum at 3am is wandering around the living room in lingerie.

• 17:54Tom Davis?

  Yeah, but this is the one thing about the lingerie thing.

• 17:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, go on.

• 17:56Tom Davis?

  It's, I'm still to this, I, it was, yeah, it was a very specific sort of lad that was going round. I'm not 100% sure whether that happened to this, but then that could be me being better. Because it's like, which kid's downstairs, oh, it's Tom Davis.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:11Tom Davis?

  I think I'll stay there for that one.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  I'll just, I'll just fry some biscuits down the stairs.

• 18:20Tom Davis?

  He ate his dinner at the dog bar, he'll be all right.

• 18:26Tom Davis?

  Guess we're putting on the, uh, whole Blue Lagoon, aren't we? Nah, we'll be all right.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  No, actually, no, let's put on a documentary.

• 18:32Tom Davis?

  It's much dumber, dumber.

• 18:34Speaker 00

  Put a sedative in the fucking pudding.

• 18:36Tom Davis?

  Well, stick on a couple of videos, a couple of episodes of the A-Team, I think you'll be all right, mate.

• 18:40Speaker 00

  I want that animal out cold.

• 18:42Tom Davis?

  Are you sure? Sure you don't wanna call your mum?

• 18:46Speaker 00

  You must be feeling a bit hoarsey.

• 18:48Tom Davis?

  Yeah. It made you feel a bit too welcome. Um, yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  Shall we just drop you back just in case?

• 18:56Tom Davis?

  Yeah, it's a bizarre thing.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, that is mad.

• 18:58Tom Davis?

  Yeah. But loads of people, people were queuing up to us, and he was a really like, yeah, he's quite a sort of sad lad.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 19:05Tom Davis?

  But people were queuing up to stay at his house.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  Jesus.

• 19:09Tom Davis?

  Yeah. Years later, wouldn't they, round there to watch the Mike Tyson fight? Like, when Mike Tyson fought.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, what a cool addendum to that story. Well done, mate.

• 19:17Tom Davis?

  Still, his mum didn't, yeah.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  Still his mum didn't what?

• 19:20Tom Davis?

  No, it was, yeah.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, all right, yeah. Did you stay over then?

• 19:24Tom Davis?

  Yeah, we all slept round there.

• 19:25Speaker 00

  Oh, that's nice.

• 19:25Tom Davis?

  But 12 of us. Yeah.

• 19:27Speaker 00

  How, how old are you then? How old just have you been? 16?

• 19:30Tom Davis?

  16, 17, yeah, yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  Was it the Tyson Bruno fight?

• 19:33Tom Davis?

  Yeah, pretty, yeah.

• 19:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, because that's when, um, do you remember the Sky magazine had the little scorecard on the front?

• 19:38Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 00

  Frank Bruno had been like, really talking that fight up, hadn't he?

• 19:41Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:41Speaker 00

  I invited a load of mates round to my house then. Mum was wearing something slinky.

• 19:46Tom Davis?

  Chanty walking round in a phone.

• 19:52Tom Davis?

  Shanty's a ring girl.

• 19:55Tom Davis?

  Round number three, just walking around the bedroom.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  No, uh, we did, I did have a load of mates round for that fight.

• 20:01Tom Davis?

  Did you? Did they sleep over?

• 20:03Speaker 00

  I don't think they did actually, cause they all live quite like walking distance from my house.

• 20:07Tom Davis?

  You know, that was like three, four in the morning.

• 20:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's how we rolled.

• 20:11Tom Davis?

  Wow.

• 20:15Speaker 05

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• 20:41Speaker 06

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• 20:45Speaker 06

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• 21:12Tom Davis?

  But me, I suppose you're a couple of years out, you'd have been twenty, twenty-one at that.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  Fuck off. Fuck off, you little fucking piece of shit. I remember once I was at somebody's house.

• 21:21Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 21:21Speaker 00

  Kid's house, when I was a kid. And um, he wanted to go for a bike ride.

• 21:26Tom Davis?

  Yep.

• 21:27Speaker 00

  So I went for a bike ride in the woods. And he was just being a bit of a knob, right? As in like what he would do is, cause I didn't know the way. He would keep riding off ahead and like for a joke, leaving me sort of stranded. And so then eventually I'd find him or whatever. And then he kept doing it, right? And he's just getting on my nerves. And then at one point, he was like, there was this like two routes. And one of them, I think I'm remembering this right, and one of them was just like fucking swamp, like it was awful. And the other was like quite clear. And I said, should we just go up here? Cause like that's

• 21:58Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 21:59Speaker 00

  And he goes, no, I wanna go here. And he started to make a point of it. I wanna go up here. I think this is the better bike ride. And I go, well, I don't really wanna get Covered in crap. So can we just go this way? He goes, no, we're going this way. And he rode off ahead. And like powered through, trying to force the issue. So I just got fucked off and I rode back to his house, right? I was like, fuck this man, this guy's doing my head in. Cause he'd gone off like for ages.

• 22:18Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 22:19Speaker 00

  So I went back to his house and I thought he'd clock and then just come back to the house and then we could just Squash it or whatever.

• 22:25Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  Anyway, I was back at his house and his mum was like, um. Oh, where's, where is he?

• 22:30Tom Davis?

  Where's Nathan?

• 22:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, where's Nathan? And I just said, oh. Um, oh, I just said I was gonna come back to get, cause I was thinking, what the fuck do I say? Oh, you're

• 22:38Tom Davis?

  Oh my god, you covered your tracks like a murderer.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  But I just like, I can't say your son's a fucking helmet. So I just left him in the woods.

• 22:44Tom Davis?

  You could say that, oh, he, he wanted to go further in the woods down a track that I didn't feel comfortable going down, so I'll come back home.

• 22:49Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, alright. And then she'd go, oh wow, are you a thirty year old man in a eleven year old's body?

• 22:54Tom Davis?

  Yeah, but that's what you obviously were.

• 22:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, I wouldn't express it like that. Sorry, but unfortunately your son wasn't properly respecting the choices I was making on the bike ride.

• 23:03Tom Davis?

  That's better than coming back and throwing him under the bus.

• 23:05Speaker 00

  How did I throw him under the bus?

• 23:06Tom Davis?

  You come back and go.

• 23:07Speaker 00

  I thought he was gonna come back in a bit.

• 23:09Tom Davis?

  Well, okay.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  At that point, I thought he was gonna come back.

• 23:11Tom Davis?

  Not like where this story's going.

• 23:12Speaker 00

  Anyway. Forty-five minutes goes by, he's not back.

• 23:16Tom Davis?

  Wow.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  So I think fuck.

• 23:17Tom Davis?

  She's, the mum's going out of her mind.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  Not really, she didn't give a shit. Not in that way.

• 23:20Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  She's pretty chilled about it. I don't mean she didn't give a shit about her son.

• 23:23Tom Davis?

  Crocodile tears on a news conference type thing.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  No, I think if he was, I think if he was missing, she would genuinely be upset. It's a fucking mad place to take this, by the way.

• 23:31Tom Davis?

  Okay, I'm just saying.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:33Tom Davis?

  Yeah, forty-five minutes and no one's heard from him. How old are you?

• 23:36Speaker 00

  I must have been eleven, twelve.

• 23:38Tom Davis?

  Forty-five minutes, you, that's nearly an hour and no one's heard from him. He's on his own in the woods.

• 23:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, it's daytime. And the woods are like quite close to his house. I've managed, I've managed to find my, don't look at John for verification.

• 23:51Tom Davis?

  John's a

• 23:52Speaker 00

  What do you think, John? Do you think that's a long time?

• 23:54Tom Davis?

  An hour?

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Eleven year old.

• 23:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, four to five minutes.

• 23:57Tom Davis?

  Forty-five, I thought you said.

• 23:58Speaker 00

  No, I'm just fucking with you. Forty-five minutes, well, half, I don't, listen, I was fucking twelve, I don't remember, it might have been ten minutes. You've got no idea, have you? Six weeks used to feel like three millennia. I don't know, I don't know, he was gone for a while.

• 24:09Tom Davis?

  Okay, well, it feels now as you're backing down.

• 24:11Speaker 00

  I'm not backing down, but it's like

• 24:13Tom Davis?

  You say that Charlie now went for missing out for an hour in the woods. And his friends come back to the house and Charlie's not even seeing him.

• 24:19Speaker 00

  Okay, probably wasn't an hour.

• 24:20Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 24:20Tom Davis?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  Alright.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  But it's the friend coming back that makes it worrying, right?

• 24:24Tom Davis?

  Yeah, if the friend comes back and is like, I've come back for a drink and you're like, where's Nathan?

• 24:28Speaker 00

  Head in a carrier bag.

• 24:29Tom Davis?

  No, no, but they're like, where's Nathan? And you're like, oh, he's just, he's decided to go on a little bit further.

• 24:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:34Tom Davis?

  It's like fucking Oates in fucking Captain Scott, going outside, it might be some time. And look at him, watch him go.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  It's so impossible to predict what your points of reference are gonna be.

• 24:43Tom Davis?

  Isn't, is Nathan back yet? And you're like. No.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Anyway, after a bit, I think I've got to go get him.

• 24:53Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 24:53Speaker 00

  So I get back on the bike.

• 24:54Tom Davis?

  Did you, by the way, make a big thing of this?

• 24:56Speaker 00

  No.

• 24:56Tom Davis?

  Okay. So now it looks like you're running away twice.

• 25:00Speaker 00

  When did it, when was it?

• 25:01Tom Davis?

  Romesh, where is he? Nathan's not back. Half drunk, glass of Robinson's.

• 25:07Speaker 00

  So what, you think they might think I've murdered him and then ridden off?

• 25:10Tom Davis?

  Or you've had an argument and you pit him and, because you sort of didn't know your own strength.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  What, like Lenny from My Son Murdered?

• 25:15Tom Davis?

  Yeah. Right, so you go back looking for him.

• 25:18Speaker 00

  So I go back looking for him. Anyway, as I'm approaching the woods, I hear intense sobbing.

• 25:23Tom Davis?

  Oh my god.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  And I get to the woods and he's just going, Romesh, Romesh, where are you? And he thinks he's just lost me in the woods.

• 25:32Tom Davis?

  Wow.

• 25:33Speaker 00

  And then

• 25:34Tom Davis?

  Oh my god, this is a horrible story.

• 25:36Speaker 00

  Anyway, this is, it gets worse.

• 25:40Speaker 00

  Because I didn't have the heart, like he was fucking crying, man.

• 25:44Tom Davis?

  Oh no.

• 25:45Speaker 00

  What, what do you think? What do you, oh no, what do you think?

• 25:47Tom Davis?

  You went home and left him there, just crying in the woods on his own.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, then I've come back.

• 25:52Tom Davis?

  No, no, so you heard him crying and you didn't go to him?

• 25:55Speaker 00

  No, I did, I did, I went to him. But, so I get there, he's sobbing, he's looking for me.

• 26:03Speaker 00

  He must have found out this truth afterwards. And then I go, where the hell have you been, man?

• 26:07Tom Davis?

  Oh my god.

• 26:10Tom Davis?

  Oh my god.

• 26:15Tom Davis?

  Oh my god.

• 26:18Tom Davis?

  And he's literally, what a good friend, by the way. Absolutely devastated.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, really sad.

• 26:23Tom Davis?

  All you think you're sitting there watching the Thundercats with a glass of squash and some biscuits. While Mrs Jackson's walking, parading around for you. I could do another spin in the room, would you, Mrs Jackson?

• 26:35Speaker 00

  Um, it's bad, isn't it? And also he would have found out that wasn't the case.

• 26:38Tom Davis?

  Yeah, of course.

• 26:39Speaker 00

  Later on.

• 26:39Tom Davis?

  Yeah, you come back home and go.

• 26:41Speaker 00

  The friendship quickly dissolved pretty soon after that.

• 26:43Tom Davis?

  Were you close?

• 26:44Speaker 00

  That was my first experience of somebody being a bit too thirsty in a friendship. I'd love to say it's my last.

• 26:55Speaker 00

  So what happened was, is he kept wanting to hang out all the time.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  I'm being serious now, this is not a bit.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  He kept wanting to hang out all the time.

• 27:10Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  And it started to get a little bit.

• 27:12Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 27:13Speaker 00

  Did you ever have that with people, like that?

• 27:16Tom Davis?

  Not that way around.

• 27:19Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  So I, I had, so he was like a bit full on.

• 27:23Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 27:24Speaker 00

  And so basically, naturally, rather than, I didn't know that's what I was, I didn't I'm not realising as a kid, that this, he's being too full on, that's why I'm being pushed. I just think to myself, I don't wanna hang out with it. Do you know what I mean? Like

• 27:35Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 27:36Speaker 00

  You're feeling pushed away, but you don't know, I don't have the understanding to think why that is. And then, he starts to get more upset that I'm sort of suddenly kind of, he's getting a bit like A bit funny about the fact I'm not knocking about with him as much. And so, um, he, then he came up to me one day and he said, my dad says that I should just give you a bit of space. And then, it's really, it really got quite, because he was obviously, from his point of view.

• 28:04Tom Davis?

  You're like, by the way, we've seen, like, okay, so you're aspirational for him as a friend.

• 28:08Speaker 00

  No, I don't think

• 28:09Tom Davis?

  Come on, you must be.

• 28:10Speaker 00

  I don't think, no.

• 28:11Tom Davis?

  And someone who's been an underling in friendships.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  No, I'm an underling.

• 28:15Tom Davis?

  Mate, not in a situation, I've been in situations where someone might have been a bit keen. Never to the point where someone's ever, ever felt like they're, they're sobbing in the woods because they can't find me. Or that they're

• 28:26Speaker 00

  Well, I think that, I think that was particularly, that was totally engineered by my lack of consideration, right?

• 28:31Tom Davis?

  To go to your parents and the parents be like, you know, look, you know, you love him, maybe just give him a bit of space. Like that is quite, that's telling of that, like, that's such a sweet Look, by the way, I'm not throwing you under, you're a fucking twelve, do you know what I mean? So

• 28:47Speaker 00

  I don't, look, I was, you know, whenever you start doing podcasts, you think I'm undoubtedly Gonna say something that will eventually get me cancelled. I did not think it would be a story. From when I went on a bike ride at twelve years old, that would be my undoing. But here we are.

• 29:03Tom Davis?

  No, but, so, so how did it end? How did this romance end?

• 29:07Speaker 00

  I was a prick. I just stopped hanging out with him. Is, is the honest truth. There's a couple of other things that happened. Like, when he'd come round to my house and We were going to the cinema and my brother didn't have anything to do. And so Din would be going, can I, you know, he's like annoying little brother, can I come, can I come? And then Mum would go, look, can you take him? And then my mate would go, I would actually rather he didn't come with us.

• 29:32Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 29:33Speaker 00

  And even though I sort of didn't want Din to, you know, like, it's not, no disrespect to Din, but like

• 29:38Tom Davis?

  But we're talking about ten year old Din.

• 29:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:40Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 29:41Speaker 00

  And so even though I did, sort of didn't want Din to come, because I wanted to just I still thought that was, that still bumped me that he would say that, do you know what I mean? I found that a bit, like, I don't, I didn't get why he was doing that.

• 29:51Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 29:51Speaker 00

  So all, all of those little things were like, so it wasn't like I didn't go, I didn't go, I don't wanna hang out with you anymore.

• 29:57Tom Davis?

  He had a kind of crush on you. Not in a sexual way, but like, you know.

• 30:00Speaker 00

  It got in the, when we made up in the woods, it got a bit like that.

• 30:07Tom Davis?

  I had a weird thing when we were on holiday this year.

• 30:09Speaker 00

  Done. This is incredible. I tell a story about when I'm on a bike ride at 12 and Tom thinks, what equivalent story do I have this year?

• 30:16Tom Davis?

  No, no, no, no. Hear the story.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 30:19Tom Davis?

  Okay. In Portugal, Catherine's in a wheelchair and I literally-

• 30:27Speaker 00

  It's weird to snigger before you say that.

• 30:29Tom Davis?

  No, because it was a weird situation.

• 30:31Speaker 00

  Sorry, I'm being very punchy. I'm sorry about that.

• 30:33Tom Davis?

  Yeah, because you know why? You feel vulnerable.

• 30:35Speaker 00

  I do. Tom, do you know what? You are so fucking, you're so right. I've gone, "Your story might look bad" and now I fucking [BLEEP].

• 30:44Tom Davis?

  Yeah, and now what you're doing is doubling down on being-

• 30:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, horrible.

• 30:47Tom Davis?

  Yeah. And that's how bullying starts, you know?

• 30:50Speaker 00

  Well, that's how it finished for that [BLEEP]. Let's do a little reset, huh?

• 30:54Tom Davis?

  You didn't bully him, did you? Did you? Just quickly, because-

• 30:59Speaker 00

  You think I'm a bully, don't you?

• 31:00Tom Davis?

  I don't think you're a bully, but I think also, boys of that age, everyone's got a bully in them.

• 31:04Speaker 00

  Horrible, yeah, yeah.

• 31:04Tom Davis?

  And also, we're talking about high school in the 90s, right? So it's kill or be killed.

• 31:11Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 31:11Tom Davis?

  And you and him have got a sweet little friendship. Yeah, all of a sudden everyone's like, "Hey, why aren't you hanging around with Nathan anymore?" And you're like, "Oh yeah, we cried in the woods because I went missing."

• 31:19Speaker 00

  No, I didn't do that.

• 31:20Tom Davis?

  Okay, good.

• 31:20Speaker 00

  I didn't do that. I did not do that.

• 31:22Tom Davis?

  That's good.

• 31:23Speaker 00

  All right, tell me the story for this.

• 31:24Tom Davis?

  So anyway, we go into the hotel lobby and this voice goes, "Oh, Tom, big man, Tom." And I'm like, you know, someone's caught to it. I look around and it's just Stuart, this guy Stuart White. Stuart White was like the coolest kid. He joined our school late in our sort of first school, primary school.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  Totally cool for you to give the full name, is it?

• 31:44Tom Davis?

  Yeah, because even now, you know the thing of like, and I was kind of a Nathan to his Romesh.

• 31:51Speaker 00

  Right.

• 31:52Tom Davis?

  He was like, he joined our school, I'd sort of, I guess I was a sort of goofy kid. I wasn't like a cool, you know, probably sounds like you had a coolness about you. I wasn't like a kid.

• 32:03Speaker 00

  I didn't have a coolness about me.

• 32:04Tom Davis?

  When Stuart White joined the school, Stuart White was, everyone was like, "This guy's joining the school." He had a coolness about him. He's so confident, good at football. And for whatever reason, Stuart White- Yeah, good looking, you know, picking all the girls, even in three years above would love Stuart White's name rang out.

• 32:21Speaker 00

  Really?

• 32:22Tom Davis?

  Yeah, he was so-

• 32:23Speaker 00

  Three years above, he's got that kind of, that level of riz?

• 32:25Tom Davis?

  He wore a pinky ring.

• 32:27Speaker 00

  Right.

• 32:27Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I think he literally, you know, he was loafers to score. He just had that vibe to him.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Crazy.

• 32:34Tom Davis?

  Anyway, for whatever reason, Stuart White, out of nowhere, he's looking for friends to make, new friends at school, and he picks big stupid Tom Davis. We hit it off. Stuart White, I'm like, literally like, I was invited to his house for a sleepover. I'm like, wow, do you know what I mean? Went to his house, lovely new build. Anyhow, Stuart White was at school, went for most of primary school. We start secondary school, he does, I think, a year and a half, two years in secondary school and then he moves to maybe St Bead's or somewhere. Goes to another secondary. I'm devastated. Yeah, he's the coolest.

• 33:05Speaker 00

  Because that must have been your ticket to everybody respecting you.

• 33:07Tom Davis?

  He had an older sister who was really cool. He just had a vibe about him. Yeah, and I was quite happy, very much like in my life now, very happy about being known as just Stuart White's friend. In the same way, I'm very happy to be known as Romesh Wrangell Nathan's friend.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  As you would do if we're in a car accident where we both died.

• 33:25Tom Davis?

  So, and then Stuart White leaves out of nowhere, right?

• 33:27Speaker 00

  Right.

• 33:27Tom Davis?

  Haven't heard from him.

• 33:28Speaker 00

  Terrible, terrible for you.

• 33:29Tom Davis?

  Yeah. My stock at school goes fucking down. All of a sudden, I'm like, oh shit, like, you know, a bit like, I don't know, Nemo. I'm finally, I've got, fuck, I've got nothing here. I've floundered. That's another fish in the-

• 33:40Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ.

• 33:43Tom Davis?

  So I'm like, yeah, and I, okay, mine would whisk off to Stuart White every now and again, what did he do? What did he go on to? I see him in this hotel and straight away I become 12-year-old Tom Davis again. And he's so sweet, he was sound as a pound. I mean, he still says, I think, thinks my wife is in a wheelchair, but he doesn't quite realise that she just had quite a bad accident and was in one for the weekend. But then I'd see him around and then he would, he would just sort of like come over and go, "Hello mate", and start chatting to me. And you know, I literally, I don't know what it is, we've moved on, I'm relatively successful in my own life and my own right. But being around Stuart White, I became-

• 34:22Speaker 00

  You went back to the-

• 34:23Tom Davis?

  I went back to that kid again.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:24Tom Davis?

  Yeah. And my wife was like, "You don't have to go and say hello to him every morning." But I was like, it was like, I feel the same way sometimes with Red App.

• 34:31Speaker 00

  I think that is such a great-

• 34:36Tom Davis?

  And he, by the way, was as like, but what I'm saying about Stuart White, he was a good guy.

• 34:40Speaker 00

  Okay, all right, Tom.

• 34:41Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 34:43Speaker 00

  Are you in touch with him? Do you exchange numbers?

• 34:45Tom Davis?

  Yeah, no, yeah, we did. No, on Facebook and we just, yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 00

  Yeah. When like, you know, like there was, there were people in, I don't know if you had this, I think everyone had this, when, but where there was like the hottest bloke in your year group, the hottest girl or whatever.

• 34:59Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 00

  And like there was a group, there was an elite group, weren't there, of which I was obviously never really-

• 35:04Tom Davis?

  But it sounds like you were a lot higher up, yeah, come on.

• 35:06Speaker 00

  No, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't. Anyway, I am, when you bump into those people now, they immediately switch, immediately you're back in that dynamic. It's so mad.

• 35:17Tom Davis?

  But can I say that most of the time, those people weren't particularly nice.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:22Tom Davis?

  There's a lot of it where-

• 35:22Speaker 00

  I don't think that's their fault, actually.

• 35:24Tom Davis?

  No, no, no, because I think there's a certain stigma and there's a certain pressure being put on being the coolest.

• 35:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, and you've got to be like a, like you sort of think, you know, power corrupts adults, right? So if you're a kid and you've got like this status in your school, the idea that you would still be chill and all that is just pretty unlikely, isn't it?

• 35:44Tom Davis?

  I remember when I did my Brighton last tour show.

• 35:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:47Tom Davis?

  And before, I don't know if I've talked about this on there before, and what someone like from my secondary school texts me, who was not a bully, they were called, they were never particularly nice to me. And then they text me, say, "I'm at the show. You know, good luck. I'm always proud to see you smashing it." There's nothing at all like aggressive or anything in the text, but a part of me became terrified-

• 36:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:11Tom Davis?

  -of them being in the audience.

• 36:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:13Tom Davis?

  Like, you know, there's whatever, how many people are out there.

• 36:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, but now suddenly you're back to baiter.

• 36:17Tom Davis?

  I literally was fucking, yeah. I literally was out of sight and all I could think of it is I was going to walk out and it'd just be them sitting there going, "Oh, you got it."

• 36:26Speaker 00

  So this is what you're doing, isn't it?

• 36:28Tom Davis?

  Yeah. It's so bizarre that that is a-

• 36:31Speaker 00

  Call that, is that a callback, isn't it?

• 36:33Tom Davis?

  Yeah. "Oh yeah, okay, you fucking fatwally." It's such a weird thing.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  I bet, is it a bloke?

• 36:41Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  I bet his recollection of your dynamic is completely different to yours.

• 36:46Tom Davis?

  Yeah, of course.

• 36:47Speaker 00

  I bet he probably thinks you're just mates.

• 36:49Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  Do you know what I mean?

• 36:50Tom Davis?

  But I think that's the thing, isn't it? But that's also a trend of what people, not to say just all bullies, but that's what trend, like people forget details and we're all culpable of that.

• 37:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:00Tom Davis?

  But like you say, you say-

• 37:01Speaker 00

  You sort of don't know what your role is in another school. Do you know what I mean?

• 37:07Tom Davis?

  No, no, exactly.

• 37:08Speaker 00

  For all I know, there's like a, there's like some kid that's like, every time they see me on something, they go, "He was such a fucking-"

• 37:15Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:15Speaker 00

  Probably Nathan.

• 37:17Tom Davis?

  Yeah, Nathan will sit there.

• 37:18Speaker 00

  Nathan and go-

• 37:18Tom Davis?

  Stuart White though said to me, he went, "You haven't changed in school."

• 37:22Speaker 00

  Did he say that?

• 37:23Tom Davis?

  And I just thought, sadly, no.

• 37:25Speaker 00

  But that's a compliment, isn't it? Because you're mates.

• 37:27Tom Davis?

  Yeah, we're mates. Yeah, it was sweet, but in my head, I'm like, no.

• 37:29Speaker 00

  You're one of the nicest human beings in-

• 37:31Tom Davis?

  But I genuinely was like, no, I probably haven't changed enough. But yeah, man, but that was one of the few times where I'm like, that's a real positive.

• 37:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:38Tom Davis?

  But that's also like, I think, you know, where you're like, when I look at the incident with someone like Nathan though, that is the thing, that that's the trickiest time. Because like, you haven't got the weather all there to think about how to deal with a situation like that. Because what he's done is quite, the whole thing with Dinesh, the whole thing with the bike.

• 37:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:56Tom Davis?

  Because that's essentially, essentially what he's doing is an element of power play-

• 38:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:01Tom Davis?

  -in your relationship, right?

• 38:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, I just, I just think it's a bit, I don't know, I found it a bit uncomfortable. I'm very, I wasn't into that.

• 38:10Tom Davis?

  What, the story that you told or the fact that happened?

• 38:13Speaker 00

  Well, I don't like the story, I don't like how I come across in that story.

• 38:16Tom Davis?

  Yeah, but we, yeah, but we've all done, we've all been-

• 38:18Speaker 00

  But it's, it's part of the thing where every now and again, I think about something I did that was a bit dickish as a child.

• 38:24Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then when you think about the nature versus nurture thing, I'd like to think that was a nice guy now. I try and be a nice person.

• 38:32Tom Davis?

  Yeah, but we've all been a dickhead.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  But then you, but then you, part of you, do you ever think to yourself, "At my core, maybe I'm horrible"?

• 38:37Tom Davis?

  I, no, because I think that, I think, I think genuinely, I think it's only really psychopath, psychopathic fucking horrible pieces of work that don't look and go, "Oh, helmet, I've been a dickhead." We've all been a dickhead.

• 38:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:51Tom Davis?

  I can't sit here now, yeah, that's the story about Stuart. There's been times where I look back and go, "Fucking hell, like I could have been better there. Could have handled something myself better. I could have been nicer. I could have been..." All of us think that you-

• 39:00Speaker 00

  But I think, I think there's people like you and me that, that you sort of reflect on it and go, "I'm going to try and be better than that." And then you've got people that it doesn't even register for and you just think, "You are just fucked." Like John.

• 39:13Tom Davis?

  John's, I mean, John's a real bully.

• 39:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:16Tom Davis?

  This has been a lot more emotional than I thought this, this journey.

• 39:19Speaker 00

  I thought, I actually think we walk the line between emotion and humour and everything in between.

• 39:24Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  Pretty poorly.

• 39:27Tom Davis?

  What would you, if you could see Nathan now, right, let's just pay one last thing out.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:32Tom Davis?

  If that's okay, right?

• 39:34Speaker 00

  This is a role play?

• 39:35Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 39:35Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 39:36Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 39:37Speaker 00

  How many characters, how many characters-

• 39:38Tom Davis?

  I'm only going to be Nathan, maybe his wife, or husband.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  I bump into you now?

• 39:45Tom Davis?

  Yeah, so where are we?

• 39:47Speaker 00

  Uh, coming out of a cinema.

• 39:49Tom Davis?

  Coming out of cinema, where you've been watching Marvel, some sort of one of your superhero films.

• 39:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure.

• 39:55Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 39:57Tom Davis?

  I've never been able to whistle. It's one of the things that annoys me most about myself.

• 40:00Speaker 00

  No, I can't talk to him.

• 40:09Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 40:10Tom Davis?

  Okay. I can't believe I drank a whole big Coke and ate a whole big popcorn on my own. Oh, you're such a-

• 40:17Speaker 00

  Nathan.

• 40:18Tom Davis?

  Oh, wow.

• 40:20Speaker 00

  It's Romesh, do you remember?

• 40:21Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I know, yeah, hi.

• 40:22Speaker 00

  How you doing, man?

• 40:23Tom Davis?

  I haven't seen you for ages.

• 40:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, what have you been up to?

• 40:25Tom Davis?

  Well, I've seen you on TV. Bloody hell, you smashed it, mate.

• 40:28Speaker 00

  Well, I don't know.

• 40:29Tom Davis?

  You're always funny. I told you I knew him. Bloody absolute legend.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  How are you?

• 40:34Tom Davis?

  Yeah, good.

• 40:34Speaker 00

  It's good to see you, mate. You don't look any different, really. You're obviously a bit bigger, isn't it?

• 40:39Tom Davis?

  Well, yeah, I'm a little bit bigger.

• 40:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:41Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I lost a few more strands of hair, let me tell you.

• 40:43Speaker 00

  Well, you look a lot- you're still holding on to it.

• 40:45Tom Davis?

  Quite a few, I'm bloody trying to get hold of you, you nut.

• 40:48Speaker 00

  Are you trying to get hold of me?

• 40:49Tom Davis?

  Yeah, no, back at school, I was joking.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  Oh, right, right, right, yeah, yeah.

• 40:52Tom Davis?

  Yeah, no, no, I work for Ryman's now.

• 40:55Speaker 00

  Do you? What are you doing there?

• 40:58Speaker 00

  Why does that say funny, Nathan?

• 41:01Tom Davis?

  I'm area manager.

• 41:03Speaker 00

  Oh, that's good, man, that's it. So you got- I've got to- yeah.

• 41:06Tom Davis?

  Started off just-

• 41:08Speaker 00

  Is this your wife?

• 41:09Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, for her sins. Oh, no, she's beautiful and good.

• 41:12Speaker 00

  Uh, what's her name?

• 41:14Tom Davis?

  Clarissa.

• 41:15Speaker 00

  Clarissa. Hi, Clarissa, I'm Romesh, nice to see you.

• 41:17Tom Davis?

  We know who you are. Nathan says you and- you were best friends at school.

• 41:21Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, we were actually, yeah.

• 41:23Tom Davis?

  Yeah?

• 41:26Tom Davis?

  He said about the time in the woods, call you, you know, he said you were missing.

• 41:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was a bit of a prick back then, sorry.

• 41:31Tom Davis?

  No, he said you weren't missing and-

• 41:33Speaker 00

  Huh?

• 41:33Tom Davis?

  No one could find you for an hour and everyone was worried about you and then Nathan tracked you down using his scouting skills and found you.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was pretty-

• 41:43Tom Davis?

  We were bloody thought you'd been breaking-

• 41:44Speaker 00

  It was pretty incredible, actually. It's, uh, you're bloody lucky to have him.

• 41:47Tom Davis?

  Yeah, well, if she ever goes missing, I know, I'll bloody try and find her.

• 41:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, let's hope she doesn't, eh, Nathan? It's a weird thing to say.

• 41:54Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I know. So, yeah, it's a bloody TV. I was such surprised. I always knew you were headed for the stars.

• 42:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:02Tom Davis?

  Could you remember that song that you used to always sing at school?

• 42:04Speaker 00

  What was that?

• 42:05Tom Davis?

  You used to do all the rapping.

• 42:06Speaker 00

  Fuck off, Nathan, you're a little [BLEEP].

• 42:07Tom Davis?

  Yep.

• 42:10Tom Davis?

  Used to do the-

• 42:11Speaker 00

  No, what song are you talking about?

• 42:12Tom Davis?

  You used to do all the singing, didn't you? All the bloody rap stuff. You was absolutely loved it.

• 42:16Speaker 00

  I didn't do any- I don't remember that.

• 42:17Tom Davis?

  Oh, maybe I'm just remembering because I'm a geotography, which I wasn't mentioned in, my lord.

• 42:25Speaker 00

  Anyway, man, I'm gonna, I'm gonna head off. But look, hit me up on Instagram or something, yeah?

• 42:28Tom Davis?

  Really?

• 42:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure, sure.

• 42:29Tom Davis?

  Because how things went down at the end of this-

• 42:32Speaker 00

  How things went down?

• 42:33Tom Davis?

  Friendship. I thought you probably didn't ever want to be friends with me again.

• 42:37Speaker 00

  Do you mean thirty-six years ago?

• 42:39Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 42:39Speaker 00

  Well, we're not gonna, you know, just hit me up, man, it'd be good to catch up or something.

• 42:42Tom Davis?

  What, like hang out and stuff?

• 42:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure.

• 42:45Tom Davis?

  I've got like a kid who's the same age as Charlie and my daughter Vanessa-

• 42:50Speaker 00

  How do you know how old Charlie is?

• 42:51Tom Davis?

  Because I've read your autobiography and, and stuff and my, my daughter Vanessa is the same age as young Theo, so I haven't got a kid of Alex's age, but my nephew is about the same age, I could borrow-

• 43:01Speaker 00

  You don't have to bring a nephew, don't worry about that.

• 43:03Tom Davis?

  Yeah, I was just saying.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:05Tom Davis?

  It's weird how we've got kids at the same age. It's almost like we're on the same, you know, sex thing.

• 43:10Speaker 00

  Same sex thing?

• 43:11Tom Davis?

  Oh, we have sex at the same time.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  At the same time, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:14Tom Davis?

  That's mad. So, no, no, yeah.

• 43:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, anyway, hit me up on Instagram, man.

• 43:17Tom Davis?

  So, yeah, definitely. I mean, I'll get your number if-

• 43:19Speaker 00

  They were, um-

• 43:20Tom Davis?

  Any chance?

• 43:21Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 43:21Tom Davis?

  You getting your number? Get your old- get your number, give you a call?

• 43:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure, man.

• 43:25Tom Davis?

  Okay.

• 43:26Speaker 00

  It's, um, [BLEEP] seven six.

• 43:29Tom Davis?

  Yep.

• 43:29Speaker 00

  [BLEEP] one nine eight.

• 43:31Tom Davis?

  Shall I call it now?

• 43:32Speaker 00

  My battery's dead, unfortunately.

• 43:33Tom Davis?

  Oh, I just tried on your watch.

• 43:36Speaker 00

  Uh, well, this is, it's not on our Apple watch.

• 43:38Tom Davis?

  Wow, look at that watch. You are doing well. We can see your house in Crawley from our flat.

• 43:44Speaker 00

  From your fl- you can see it from your flat?

• 43:47Tom Davis?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Speaker 00

  Well, your flat must be in one of the trees nearby, then?

• 43:50Tom Davis?

  No, we can see your house from-

• 43:55Tom Davis?

  Centre of Crawley, but if we look out to-

• 43:57Speaker 00

  Oh, right. Well, anyway, I've got to go, man, but it's lovely to see you.

• 43:59Tom Davis?

  Well, hit you up on Instagram for sure.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  Definitely, man, right.

• 44:02Tom Davis?

  And don't worry about apologising. Yeah, I get it.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  Cool. All right, man. Take care.

• 44:09Tom Davis?

  Hey, see you around.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 44:13Tom Davis?

  See you later.

• 44:16Tom Davis?

  It's, yeah, it was nice.

• 44:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was nice.

• 44:18Tom Davis?

  Yeah, yeah, could bring yourself some-

• 44:19Speaker 00

  I don't think I would, I don't think I would stay in touch based on that interaction.

• 44:24Tom Davis?

  I thought it was a sweet thing, though, yeah.

• 44:27Speaker 00

  Um, okay, here's your three for today, Tom.

• 44:29Tom Davis?

  Okay, cool. I'm quite emotional about that.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  Bike ride?

• 44:33Tom Davis?

  Bike ride.

• 44:34Speaker 00

  Um, lingerie? And chicken.

• 44:40Tom Davis?

  Hmm.

• 44:41Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 44:42Tom Davis?

  There are many ways to get to the destination.

• 44:46Speaker 00

  I wonder what the mode of travel will be.

• 44:51Tom Davis?

  In which your, your central star is. You can get there by helicopter, aeroplane, by car.

• 45:01Tom Davis?

  Yeah, by riding a bike, a bike ride. Truth is, we're all looking for something different. Some of us are looking for some kind of resolve for past memories, things that have gone wrong, things that went right. A slap on the back from an old friend to say, hey, buddy, you just killed it, you nailed it. A kiss from an ex or a handshake with a guy that maybe you could have been better to. Sat down, played a chicken just to scoff back like Jesus and his disciples on that Last Supper. Hey, you've done okay, buddy. Thank you. I'm cracking on. Truth is, sometimes we never get that resolve. Sometimes we never get that finish line. Sometimes we're aimlessly just bumbling around looking for it.

• 45:48Tom Davis?

  Like a young boy going to his best friend's house, hoping to see a little glimpse of his mum in lingerie. Some things are just a story, a story without an end we'll ever find. What do we keep doing? Reading another chapter or closing the book and saying, you know what? That's a tale for another day.

• 46:08Tom Davis?

  Thank you.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  Thank you so much for listening to-

• 46:11Tom Davis?

  Shout out, Nathan.

• 46:11Speaker 00

  And watching the Wolfen Out Podcast. Emails to [email protected]. We will see you on the email episode. Peace out, Nathan. Get in touch.

• 46:23Tom Davis?

  Sure. Keep it real.