Pod Insights Wolf & Owl with Romesh Ranganathan and Tom Davis Plastic Surgery, Toilet Drama And Dental Nightmares About this episode Would Tom get a hair transplant? Would Rom get cosmetic work done? And is lending your mates money ever actually a good idea?
On this week’s episode, the boys get into childhood films that shaped them, questionable fashion choices, pub stories and they tackle the age-old question of whether you should lend mates money.
There’s also a trip down memory lane as Rom and Tom revisit an old photo of themselves, plus a deep dive into dental trauma.
Don't forget to sign up to our Instagram broadcast channel for Wolf & Owl updates and keep sending your questions, dilemmas and voice notes to us at [email protected] .
A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media.
Chapters
00:00 Intro
00:40 On excitement
05:45 Opinions on movies
12:27 Would the guys get work done?
13:10 A Tom & Rom throwback
14:39 Are moustache’s sexy?
15:26 Tom’s hero story
20:52 Why Tom stopped drinking
23:53 Rom’s dentist trauma
27:18 Lending mates money
35:11 Tom’s fashion faux pas
44:04 Tom’s poetic outro
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Transcript 10,232 words · 3 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 The owl has got your essence.
0:01 Speaker 01 What does that mean?
0:02 Speaker 00 He's just got this cool, calm, collected, sort of like, don't mess with me kind of vibe. And sort of your eyebrows as well.
0:09 Speaker 01 What I'm really happy about is they didn't just make this eyebrow go across there like that.
0:13 Speaker 00 Yeah. Do you know how many people do that when they send pictures of us?
0:17 Speaker 01 What, they like putting a?
0:18 Speaker 00 Yeah, they are. Yeah, I don't think it's nice. And I've said that many a time.
0:36 Speaker 01 Anyway, so here we are.
0:38 Speaker 00 Very nice, man. Very good.
0:39 Speaker 01 Excited?
0:40 Speaker 00 Very excited. I, I, I have this weird thing with excitement. I don't know how to deal with it. Like.
0:46 Speaker 01 I'll be honest with you, it looks like you're dealing with it pretty fine.
0:49 Speaker 00 No, no, but I, I feel like it's like when something really nice happens, you worry that it's not gonna be over.
0:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:54 Speaker 00 You know, like, it's like when you get a nice cake, you don't wanna eat it for a while because you worry about just having the crumbs left on the box.
1:00 Speaker 01 I'll tell you a really sad story. So, when I was a kid.
1:05 Speaker 01 What are you laughing at? So when I was a kid, I was desperate for a television. I was quite spoilt as a kid. I begged and begged.
1:12 Speaker 00 You carry that energy into being an adult in some ways.
1:15 Speaker 01 Being spoiled? Hmm. Do you think so?
1:18 Speaker 00 There's a vibe. Well, no, it's just like, I'm gonna get what I want.
1:23 Speaker 00 Like, you know, the little girl out of, um, Willy Wonka and the Charlie Factory. Charlie Factory, Charlie Factory.
1:29 Speaker 01 Violet Boraga.
1:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
1:32 Speaker 01 Do you think I've got a violet energy?
1:33 Speaker 00 You've got violet in you. Yeah.
1:35 Speaker 01 Hmm. Okay, so anyway, so I'd be begging for a TV. Eventually, my parents relented, got me a TV, and they put it up on like a, do you remember those sort of arms that come out there?
1:45 Speaker 00 Wow, that is bougie.
1:46 Speaker 01 No, but it's not really.
1:47 Speaker 00 Like nineteen eighty-five, eighty-six?
1:50 Speaker 01 Eighty-eight.
1:50 Speaker 00 Eighty-eight?
1:51 Speaker 01 Eighty-eight, yeah.
1:51 Speaker 00 So you've been fourteen?
1:53 Speaker 01 Why are you doing this?
1:54 Speaker 00 Sorry. It's only time I'm really good at maths.
1:56 Speaker 01 Yeah. Um, so anyway, I had the TV. I was really into raisins.
2:03 Speaker 00 Raisins?
2:05 Speaker 00 What the food, raisins?
2:06 Speaker 01 No, well, what's the other option?
2:08 Speaker 00 Well, no, by the way, raisins were big characters when we were kids, because they had that little advert, didn't they?
2:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, I heard it through the grapevine.
2:14 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:15 Speaker 01 But I'm not into, I wasn't into them.
2:17 Speaker 00 No, I just know.
2:18 Speaker 01 If that's, if that's the other option.
2:20 Speaker 00 So you're lying there, so you're eighty eight, you're nine, right?
2:23 Speaker 01 Ten.
2:24 Speaker 00 Ten.
2:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:24 Speaker 00 Right, and you're lying there just scoffing back at raisins, looking at the TV on it, but TV's on at arms, that is bougie back then.
2:31 Speaker 01 No, no, I'm like, it's like a real cheap, like, like, um, it doesn't, I, I'm making it sound bougie than it is, it's not bougie.
2:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, but you.
2:39 Speaker 01 It's like it looks.
2:40 Speaker 00 The back of the, you're talking to a TV.
2:42 Speaker 01 No, but it's like, I'm not having an actual full size, it's like a little portable TV.
2:45 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:46 Speaker 01 And then it's on like a little arm that my dad has screwed into the wall, like a little hinge thing.
2:50 Speaker 00 Okay.
2:51 Speaker 01 It does not, it doesn't look bougie.
2:52 Speaker 00 No, but.
2:53 Speaker 01 It looks, I'll be honest with you, if I was to use a word for it, incel.
2:58 Speaker 00 Right.
2:58 Speaker 01 Right, so I had that arm and I was, and I had a, and my mum had bought me a big tub of raisins, right? And I was lying in bed.
3:08 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:08 Speaker 01 TV there, I was watching a film.
3:10 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:11 Speaker 01 Just up in my room, right, so the first, early days of watching, not having to be in the living room to watch TV, right, for me.
3:18 Speaker 00 You're ten.
3:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, sitting, eating the raisins, watching a film, and I was so, this is such a sad story. I'm so happy that I'm watching a film, eating raisins in my own room, that I start to think life can't be like this forever, and I started crying.
3:38 Speaker 00 Jesus, no, I didn't.
3:43 Speaker 00 Can you?
3:44 Speaker 01 What, no, no.
3:45 Speaker 00 That's so bleak.
3:46 Speaker 01 Thankfully, nobody came to speak to me, because if, I, I would say, like, Charlie, my youngest, is about that age now, right?
3:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:53 Speaker 01 If I saw him crying in his room.
3:55 Speaker 00 Eating raisins.
3:56 Speaker 01 And I went up to him and I went, mate, you okay, what's up? I just don't know if life's always gonna be as happy as this, I would have fuck, I would fucking call somebody.
4:04 Speaker 00 I'd cry myself. If I went to go, number one, can I just say, I don't think I've really ever had a moment like that.
4:11 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
4:12 Speaker 00 Oh, this is it, this is, by the way, that could have been, you know, like, that's the pursuit of happiness.
4:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:17 Speaker 00 That could have been it for you, that was the, I mean, obviously you've had great times since, but that.
4:21 Speaker 01 I don't know, but if you're talking about like, you know, people talk about happiness index.
4:25 Speaker 00 What was the film, by the way?
4:27 Speaker 01 I don't wanna talk about the films.
4:29 Speaker 00 Basic and Things?
4:30 Speaker 01 No.
4:31 Speaker 00 Okay, I'm just saying.
4:34 Speaker 01 No, it wasn't Basic Instinct. What made you go to Basic Instinct?
4:39 Speaker 00 Just the way that you didn't wanna talk about it.
4:41 Speaker 01 Oh, it's because it was fistful of dollars. I was really into westerns.
4:45 Speaker 00 Really? You're just massively in a Clint Eastwood.
4:50 Speaker 01 I loved Clint Eastwood films when I was about that age. What can I tell you? Yeah.
4:53 Speaker 00 What, VHS? Or just, it was just on?
4:56 Speaker 01 Uh, I think it might, it must have been on. I didn't have a video.
4:59 Speaker 00 Wow. Yeah, I never thought you would be.
5:03 Speaker 01 Is that quite a dark story, isn't it? It, it, like, the ingredients of it, a kid eats some raisins, watching a western film, that sounds like quite a light story. And then you just, you do a little bit of scratching beneath the surface, it's actually incredibly dark and horrible.
5:16 Speaker 00 What happens in that one?
5:17 Speaker 01 Isn't that with, um, this is really, I think the bad guy's called Ramon in Fistful of Dollars. And.
5:25 Speaker 00 You could play Ramon now.
5:26 Speaker 01 Well, it's funny you say that, Tom. So I liked that film so much, my dad started calling me Ramon.
5:34 Speaker 01 Like, just around the house. And then, but then obviously he got into such a habit of calling me Ramon, that one day he came to pick me up from school and he said, Ramon, and then obviously I got absolutely fucking hammered.
5:45 Speaker 00 Did, did you used to talk about your adulation and like for western films at school?
5:51 Speaker 01 Publicly, no.
5:51 Speaker 00 Was it mucky? I, I liked westerns as a kid, though.
5:54 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I don't know. I, I, I sort of kept my opinions to myself about stuff like that.
5:58 Speaker 00 Really?
5:59 Speaker 01 I think I was embarrassed about it.
6:00 Speaker 00 Now?
6:00 Speaker 01 Now?
6:01 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:02 Speaker 01 Do you think I'm opinionated?
6:02 Speaker 00 Well, you have opinions and you let them out.
6:04 Speaker 01 So does everybody.
6:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, I don't know, but.
6:05 Speaker 01 I don't think I'm that front footed about my opinions.
6:07 Speaker 00 No, no, I wouldn't say, but I would say that I, I always thought you'd be the little boy at school who'd be like, you know, yeah, I love westerns and all that. But, yeah, there'd be a conversation of someone going, hey, man, has anybody seen Back to the Future? And you're like, have you seen Fistful of Dollars?
6:22 Speaker 01 Where am I at school, first of all?
6:23 Speaker 00 Huh?
6:24 Speaker 01 Hey, man.
6:26 Speaker 01 Where where's this girl?
6:27 Speaker 00 In Crawley.
6:28 Speaker 01 Right.
6:28 Speaker 00 There's just one kid who's just probably like.
6:30 Speaker 01 I was into, by the way, don't fucking make it like I wasn't in Back into Back to the Future.
6:33 Speaker 00 No, well, funny. Star Wars.
6:36 Speaker 01 Went in a bit passionate on that.
6:37 Speaker 00 Star Wars.
6:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, I like Star Wars. You didn't like Star Wars, did you?
6:41 Speaker 00 I didn't mind Star Wars. I just found it a bit one note at times.
6:44 Speaker 01 Star Wars is one note?
6:46 Speaker 00 I was just like.
6:46 Speaker 01 How is it one note?
6:48 Speaker 00 Because the good guys are like so fucking prevalent and so like, at times I'm like, I actually think give the storm char. Gives a stormtrooper a chance.
6:55 Speaker 01 Can I tell you something? This is this is another perfect example of you just deciding on an opinion.
7:00 Speaker 00 No, no, no, no, no.
7:00 Speaker 01 You've walked into the opinion shop and you've taken, you've gone, have you got a, the good guys are too prevalent in Star Wars opinion? I'll take that. And you've got no backup arguments.
7:10 Speaker 00 There's nothing, we know nothing of the stormtroopers and where they're from. And actually, there's quite a lot of information would suggest, a lot of them are probably sort of like, get jobs as stormtroopers. They're not particularly well treated. It's like, there's a part of me that goes, actually, I want to know a little bit about them and what's going on behind the scenes. Like, as a stormtrooper.
7:28 Speaker 01 I mean, that happens in later films.
7:29 Speaker 00 Really?
7:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:31 Speaker 00 Yeah, but it's good guys being stormtroopers. It's sort of like, you know, the handsome, cool ones.
7:37 Speaker 01 At no point is it, you know, suggested that there's any good guys or bad guys. There's the Empire and there's the Rebellion. What, who are the?
7:43 Speaker 00 Oh, come on.
7:44 Speaker 01 Who are the good guys? Who are the bad guys? That's up to you to decide.
7:47 Speaker 00 So is anyone who's sat there?
7:48 Speaker 01 I grew up thinking Darth Vader's got a point.
7:51 Speaker 00 Why?
7:52 Speaker 01 Just, you know, you need to squash some of these.
7:54 Speaker 00 What you're doing now is you're being a little rascal. You've been very remote. No one's watching that going, oh, poor old Darth.
8:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:00 Speaker 00 I do actually think it's very like, sort of like emasculating when they pull off his mask at the end.
8:05 Speaker 01 Emasculating?
8:06 Speaker 00 I don't have emasculating to write well, but it's very like, just do it in private, mate.
8:10 Speaker 01 Well, he, what do you mean? He is in private. He, he's, by the way, are you on, do you think Star Wars is a documentary?
8:16 Speaker 00 No.
8:17 Speaker 01 It's, it's just him and.
8:19 Speaker 00 He leaves in there for everyone to see like that, right? Or did he throw him out the back of the, um, the vessel?
8:24 Speaker 01 The vessel?
8:24 Speaker 00 No, no.
8:25 Speaker 01 It's a very private moment.
8:27 Speaker 00 I always thought there was other people here, like a Scooby Doo.
8:30 Speaker 01 Chop his head off and like, put it on display.
8:33 Speaker 00 Does he take him back to the bonfire that they all have?
8:36 Speaker 01 The bonfire?
8:37 Speaker 00 The party they have for the Ewoks.
8:38 Speaker 01 What's going on?
8:39 Speaker 00 No.
8:39 Speaker 01 That's on another planet, by the way.
8:41 Speaker 00 Does he take his dad back?
8:43 Speaker 01 His ghost turns up, doesn't he?
8:44 Speaker 00 Oh, I always thought he took his dad back there and showed everyone. I don't know, I haven't watched that film for probably twenty years, but I always thought he turned back out.
8:52 Speaker 01 I've not watched it for a while, but I'm certain you might have watched the dark web version of it. I mean, what about the bit where like, uh, layers do reverse cowgirl on Luke?
9:03 Speaker 00 No, but when he turned up, I always thought it was like, hey, everybody, look at this.
9:06 Speaker 01 Sorry, your, your recollection of that scene is that Luke turns up with the body of his father and throws him on the fucking bonfire in front of the Ewoks?
9:14 Speaker 00 I thought that's what happened. Like, he turned up and everyone was like, have you killed Darth Vader? And he's like, yeah, I got him. And then, yeah, I got him. And then he threw him on the, you know, but he's also my father. And he was your dad as well.
9:24 Speaker 01 This is why, that sort of thing is dangerous to me, because vividly, that's what your recollection was.
9:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's why, yeah. I haven't watched it for years.
9:32 Speaker 01 Yeah. Anyway, why, why did you talk about Star Wars? Oh, yeah, because you're talking about.
9:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, it feels like that's, that's the thing most of the kids like in your class would have been watching rather than Fist for the Dollars. But actually, you were quite a highbrow as a kid.
9:43 Speaker 01 Why?
9:43 Speaker 00 Well, Fist for the Dollars.
9:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was just a western cowboy film, wasn't it?
9:47 Speaker 00 It's actually, I think it's an Oscar winning movie, if I'm honest.
9:50 Speaker 01 Hmm.
9:50 Speaker 00 Fist for it, yeah.
9:51 Speaker 01 What did, what were you into at ten?
9:54 Speaker 00 Well, ironically, probably Star Wars. Like Back to the Future, Teen Wolf, uh, like, I liked, I liked a movie, even still do like where, you know, sort of like the underdog comes well. Yeah, and sort of, you know, you could watch it. Stuff like set around the school, where I always still to this day have that sort of inner, I always used to hope that something, you know, you'd be that sort of smelly sort of out class kid and then all of a sudden.
10:15 Speaker 01 Well, imagine that dream was easy to achieve, wasn't it? And then what was the other bit?
10:22 Speaker 00 Came so easily. No, but the, the one day that people would find you cool and sort of, you know, like, have you ever seen Grease Two? That's probably my favourite film.
10:29 Speaker 01 That, that is a good film.
10:30 Speaker 00 I had loved Grease Two.
10:32 Speaker 01 Oh, oh, that, that thing of like coming good and suddenly everybody thinks you're cool. It's an intoxicating story. I used to imagine that happening. I remember I used to like wear, oh, this is so sad. But I used to wear like quite cool T-shirts to bed when I was a kid. Because like in my head, like one day, like, I don't know, all of the kids would be demanded to come out in the middle of the night and like meet up. And then they'd go, oh my God, rummage you. You wear that to bed? And I'm like, yeah, man.
10:58 Speaker 00 Wow, that's, to be fair.
11:00 Speaker 01 Do you think, was I a psychopath?
11:01 Speaker 00 I, I had a weird thing for quite a while where as an adult, I used to sort of. Just in case a house got broken into, like, wear sort of clothes that made me look sort of like, you know, quite cool.
11:12 Speaker 01 Hmm.
11:13 Speaker 00 Like, so.
11:13 Speaker 01 To bed.
11:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, like, if the house got broken into, I'll, that's why I never sleep naked. Cause I don't wanna confront, confront a burglar and I'm naked.
11:22 Speaker 01 Right.
11:22 Speaker 00 And it, there, there's a moment where it's terrifying and then he just laughs.
11:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:26 Speaker 00 I don't think I look threatening naked. I look, straight away, you can.
11:30 Speaker 01 Who looks threatening naked, do you think?
11:32 Speaker 00 I think if you've got a six pack and a big dick, you look fairly. I think The Rock would look quite, I think if he's The Rock, if he broke into The Rock's house and he came out. And he went, what the fuck are you doing? It's more like the me go, what are you doing? It's a gut, it's all hairy. I look, that's literally the sort of missing link between man and ape.
11:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I think that's more frightening, cause you know what they're gonna do.
11:53 Speaker 00 What?
11:53 Speaker 01 Like, if The Rock comes out, what do you do? Just throw a fucking carb at the geezer? Like, you know.
11:57 Speaker 00 Wow, that's such a stand up joke.
12:00 Speaker 01 But I'm just saying, like.
12:01 Speaker 00 No, if you, are you telling me, right? Oh, okay, um. I even, I, I even think if you robbed David Beckham's house and he was naked, he'd like, you know, not terrified, he's just got it all together.
12:10 Speaker 01 If David Beckham walked out butt naked, I mean, what are you doing? You'd be terrified.
12:14 Speaker 00 He probably wouldn't say, oh, by the way, that, I think his voice has become more manly. And I feel like he's, he's got a more like husk to him now.
12:21 Speaker 01 Have you seen what he's done to his face?
12:23 Speaker 00 No, no, he's had it like.
12:24 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, no, but he's had like fillers and shit.
12:26 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:26 Speaker 01 Would you have plastic surgery?
12:27 Speaker 00 No.
12:29 Speaker 01 Ever?
12:29 Speaker 00 No.
12:30 Speaker 01 But you told me that you'd have hair plugs.
12:32 Speaker 00 I've thought about hair plugs, that's definitely, but then I wouldn't.
12:34 Speaker 01 How is it different?
12:35 Speaker 00 Oh, he's had hair plugs, I think.
12:37 Speaker 01 Beckham?
12:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, if you look at the evidence. Have you had hair plugs?
12:41 Speaker 01 No, I've not got hair plugs, but I would consider, I would consider it. Look, can you see here?
12:45 Speaker 00 Oh, my heart bleeds for you. You got a millimeter. Look, I've literally, there's, it's all gone.
12:50 Speaker 01 I know, I see.
12:50 Speaker 00 Everything. There's nothing.
12:52 Speaker 01 Well, what do you get? Do you know what you could get? Have you considered getting a stubble tatted on?
12:57 Speaker 00 Like Chris Ebank Junior?
12:59 Speaker 01 Has he?
12:59 Speaker 00 I think that's what he's got, yeah.
13:00 Speaker 01 Okay. Have you thought about?
13:01 Speaker 00 The, no, cause I think that'd look awful. By the way, I've just been doing that, do you know, two thousand and sixteen thing that people are doing, where people look ten years later, it's in, you know, Instagram.
13:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've actually been sent a photo.
13:14 Speaker 01 This is ten years ago.
13:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
13:16 Speaker 01 Yeah. So I didn't know about this twenty sixteen.
13:18 Speaker 00 Yeah.
13:19 Speaker 01 Charlie Baker's sent a photo to me from twenty sixteen. I'm not gonna tell you anything about this photo. I just wanna see what your reaction is. You ready?
13:27 Speaker 00 Yep.
13:33 Speaker 00 It's actually quite sweet. You look like you're in like a nineties American sitcom like.
13:37 Speaker 01 Tom, listen mate.
13:39 Speaker 00 Can I say, you're in two of mine for two thousand and sixteen. And they're actually two of my favourite photos of my life. So two thousand and sixteen weirdly is kind of the birth of the wolfing out in some senses.
13:50 Speaker 01 Why?
13:51 Speaker 00 I think I did Hip Hop Saves Your Life in two thousand and sixteen.
13:54 Speaker 01 Yeah. Oh no, I know this photo.
13:56 Speaker 00 This is actually a really lovely photo of us. I think that's a beautiful photo of us. That was, we did this podcast together, so that's ten years ago. And then also that year, we did the Comedy Store together.
14:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:08 Speaker 00 You're really, really supportive. You're so sweet. Um, and this is actually genuinely one of my favourite pictures of all.
14:19 Speaker 00 I think that's a really sweet picture of us.
14:21 Speaker 01 Oh gosh.
14:23 Speaker 00 You've been sunned off our relationship. Look how happy I am to be there.
14:27 Speaker 01 That should be in the Daily Mail and the caption is, they did both end up dying virgins.
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15:35 Speaker 01 If it's a choice in looking like that and looking like how I look now.
15:38 Speaker 00 I think you look good now. Do you know, I got so accustomed to you with the beard and I enjoyed the beard, loved the beard, loved the beard years.
15:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, you didn't mind it on your thighs, did you?
15:49 Speaker 00 And now I look at you, I don't know, this, it feels like you've, I don't know, you've progressed into this guy who's been brave enough to have this moustache.
15:55 Speaker 01 Brave's not a, yeah, but I had it with a bit of stubb.
15:57 Speaker 00 I'm not saying brave and I'm like making you out to be like, you know.
16:00 Speaker 01 Like a fireman?
16:01 Speaker 00 Yeah. By the way, fireman, I met this fireman, I think I talked about him before, here before, I was in Cambridge, I met this fireman, he had a moustache, he was the sexiest guy.
16:10 Speaker 01 This is when you got stuck in the Travelodge toilet?
16:12 Speaker 00 No, no, no.
16:15 Speaker 00 I have been stuck in the toilet.
16:17 Speaker 01 I'd be kind of beyond surprised. What happened?
16:19 Speaker 00 Did I tell you about when I had to retrieve that person from the, I broke, I got some out of a toilet cubicle?
16:25 Speaker 01 No.
16:26 Speaker 00 Uh, I was in a pub a few years ago, um, I went for a wee, was washing my hands, uh, and this forest was like, help, help, I'm, I'm stuck in the toilet. And I was like, okay, let me.
16:38 Speaker 01 You the only one in the pub?
16:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, at this point. No, not in the pub, there's other people, I was the only one in the toilet.
16:42 Speaker 01 Oh, sorry, right.
16:42 Speaker 00 Uh, so I got to the toilet door and it was like, what's your name? Are you okay? And they're like, uh, Martin. I was like, it wasn't Martin.
16:49 Speaker 01 Oh, I, by the way, I'm absolutely, why the fuck are you asking him his name?
16:54 Speaker 00 If you've never said, like, the first thing you have to do is find someone's name in any kind of distress.
16:59 Speaker 01 It's not distress, he's locked in a toilet cubicle.
17:01 Speaker 00 He's distressed, he's locked in the toilet cubicle, you know what's happening, it could be his daughter's birthday, they're about to sing happy birthday.
17:07 Speaker 01 I, I just think you're, you're approaching it like you're somebody, you've seen someone on a ledge, right? Like, he's, he just, he can't get out of a toilet cubicle.
17:15 Speaker 00 He can't get out of, I don't know how long he's been there, he's just put up the courage to say something, right?
17:19 Speaker 01 Fine.
17:20 Speaker 00 So, I'm, I'm like, Martin, are you okay, mate? You all right? And he's like, yeah, yeah, I can't get out, I'm stuck, I can't get out, there's someone with the lock on the door, I can't get out. So I was like, let me.
17:30 Speaker 01 Direct quote?
17:31 Speaker 00 Well, yeah, this is a few years ago and I was drunk. I was like, okay, let me try and get out. So I said, Mark, how far back can you stand from the toilet door? And he was like, I'm quite a big chap, I, I'm, you know, struggling to get too far back. I went, the only way.
17:45 Speaker 01 That, that is a smart question, by the way.
17:47 Speaker 00 Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Right? I mean, the only way I'm gonna do this is.
17:53 Speaker 01 It's quite, pretty horrible. I, I just saw your face. Display a little bit of pride there off the back of the compliment. But anyway, carry on.
18:00 Speaker 00 So I'm like.
18:01 Speaker 01 Thank you.
18:03 Speaker 00 I turned around and I'm like, a couple of big kicks should, should see this door go through.
18:07 Speaker 01 Right.
18:07 Speaker 00 Okay. Um, so I, I give it two big ones, two big kicks. Um, you know, like Hulk Hogan sized sort of kicks.
18:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:15 Speaker 00 Um, big foot kicks. And, um, uh, it won't budge. And I'm like, fucking this door. I said, Martin, we've got a bloody, we've got one in, mate. This door, I've given it two kicks. He said, I heard them. They're big kicks. Right?
18:28 Speaker 00 By the way, there's a few more people.
18:29 Speaker 01 Am I listening to a true story?
18:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, I swear. More people have turned up now. Right? And.
18:35 Speaker 01 Why?
18:36 Speaker 00 Because they're going to the toilet. I can't close the toilet off. Wish I had. There's more people here and I'm like, you know, there's, I'm telling everyone, this is Martin. He's stuck in the toilet trying to get him out. So then I'm gonna have to go for a full shoulder barge. I literally run at the door with all of my pace. I smash through the door. Clear Martin, like pushed kind of like past Martin as I come through and nearly fall face first into Martin's shit. And he hasn't flushed the toilet.
19:01 Speaker 01 Sorry, who's trying to leave a toilet before flushing?
19:03 Speaker 00 I don't know why.
19:04 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sorry.
19:07 Speaker 00 This is the truth.
19:08 Speaker 01 What the fuck are you talking about?
19:09 Speaker 00 I swear, he's not flushed it. He's left it.
19:12 Speaker 01 But he's gone to go out the toilet. How do you discover that the toilet, you can't get out the toilet before you flush the fucking thing?
19:17 Speaker 00 I don't know what, you know, how many pub toilets you've been in, the flush has gone.
19:21 Speaker 01 Uh, seventeen. How am I supposed to know the answer to that question?
19:24 Speaker 00 There's loads of toilets you go, the, the flush isn't working.
19:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay.
19:27 Speaker 00 So the flush might not be working, might, might, do you know what I mean?
19:30 Speaker 01 Fine. No, do you know what? I've come into this quite punchy.
19:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, you've got a punchy air about you today.
19:35 Speaker 01 You're absolutely right.
19:36 Speaker 00 Right. And also, by the way, at this point, I'm, I'm like there, because I've gone through such veracity through the door. Um, Martin's, by the way, been clumped by the door and he's quite, you know, and I'm sort of squeezed out.
19:47 Speaker 01 Was there a toilet tissue in there?
19:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, he wiped his bum.
19:49 Speaker 01 Okay.
19:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. And I think he'd also wiped his bum and done that thing where you're like. You know, almost like in a Darth Vader way, like left a little couple of bits of toilet roll just on the top to almost disguise it. That didn't look like it had been, because I got quite. They didn't like you.
20:04 Speaker 01 I'm just trying to figure out why that's called the Darth Vader thing.
20:06 Speaker 00 No, you know, like in, you know, like in a film where someone dies and they pull like a, like a little rug over them or something.
20:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay. But I don't think that's for the turds dignity.
20:15 Speaker 00 No, for so, so other people haven't got to see a dead body straight.
20:18 Speaker 01 Right, okay.
20:19 Speaker 00 Right. So I'm like now like try to get up and, and I went bloody hell Martin. And yeah.
20:25 Speaker 01 And then what did he say?
20:27 Speaker 00 Uh, he was, he was quite thankful we're quite tight up together. I have to go out, uh, and then I sort of did a thing where it came out. I sort of made a joke with him about washing his hands. Um, I'll wash mine as well. Uh, and then I did a thing later on. Uh, this is back with the day where I was a bit more, uh, um, I'd have a few drinks in me.
20:48 Speaker 01 Right.
20:49 Speaker 00 And I used to try to sort of be, yeah, sort of have a laugh. And now sort of I thought that, and now I, I know, yeah. So Martin, Martin then went back to the people he was drinking with, his family and he was, yeah. Um, and I would go over every now and again.
21:04 Speaker 01 I know this is gonna be so tragic.
21:07 Speaker 00 Cause I was sort of drinking with just a couple of mates that, you know, that if you ever been in a pub where you're drinking with a couple of people.
21:12 Speaker 01 No.
21:12 Speaker 00 And conversation has become a bit dry because you're drinking the same, you drink with the same people every night.
21:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:18 Speaker 00 Martin and his family became like almost my new playground, right?
21:23 Speaker 00 So I'd go over to Martin and he'd be sitting with his family and I'd go, all right, watch this one. If he bloody tries to go to the toilet again. Um, he got his offload. Oh God, I can't even say it. I feel dirty. He got himself locked in that old cubicle, didn't he, Martin? And he'd go, he'd go, yeah, yeah. Thanks for sorting that out. And I'd just go bloody watch him. And then I'd sort of try and make a few, few jokes.
21:42 Speaker 01 What?
21:45 Speaker 00 Just that sometimes at Martin's expense, sort of.
21:49 Speaker 01 This is so sad, man.
21:51 Speaker 00 This is why, one of the reasons I gave up drinking was that I used to sort of find it, one of my favorite tricks when I used to drink was always like, I'd find a group of people.
22:00 Speaker 01 Hmm.
22:02 Speaker 00 And go up and go, uh, hello mate, how are you? And then the person would go, oh, uh, uh, they wouldn't know who I was. So I then spent the whole night just going, oh, do you remember Pop Pop? And then you go, yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:15 Speaker 01 Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, were you, were you turning up to the pub on your own and doing this?
22:23 Speaker 00 I used to go to the pub on my own quite a lot.
22:29 Speaker 00 It's so tragic, arguably more tragic than you watching a fistful of dollars with raisins. But yeah, I used to.
22:36 Speaker 01 So what you do, you go, I'm just gonna go to the pub on my own.
22:39 Speaker 00 No, I wouldn't go, I'm gonna go to the pub on my own. I'd go, I was on my own. I didn't have a relationship at the time.
22:46 Speaker 01 So Tom, Tom, Tom, there's no difference in what we're both saying. I didn't go, I'm gonna go to the pub on my own. I just go and just pop down the pub on my own. It's the same fucking thing. You went to the pub on your own.
22:57 Speaker 00 The way I saw it is the bar's fucking obviously tragic.
23:02 Speaker 00 Oh, I didn't think this was this tragic until I'm about to say it out loud.
23:07 Speaker 01 The most surprising thing about his story is that he did not think it was tragic up until now.
23:12 Speaker 00 A lot of the time.
23:13 Speaker 01 By the way, I don't think there's anything tragic about going to the pub on your own.
23:16 Speaker 00 But this is, no, I don't.
23:18 Speaker 01 It's the other stuff. It's the stuff that you do when you get there.
23:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, because my thought process was like, I know most of the bar staff, so I'm never actually on my own. I'd always have a chat with them. So I'd sort of turn up and, you know, I sort of, by the end, I'd go to, I'd go to the pub every night of the week. I was living on my own at the time, or living with a mate. And I'd quite often sort of know people's route as I pop. Kev's not working tonight. Hello, mate. Yeah. Oh, you're new here, new face. And then try to.
23:50 Speaker 00 I should take a lot of pride in being a local in a lot of different pubs.
23:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've got to be honest with you. When you initially started telling that story, I thought it's sad. Not sad, pathetic, not pathetic.
24:01 Speaker 00 But I used to, I used to do the thing, I'm part of the furniture.
24:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, but think about it. If we look at it like from a, from a caring point of view.
24:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:08 Speaker 01 You were living on your own.
24:09 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:09 Speaker 01 You wanted a bit of company.
24:11 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:11 Speaker 01 You went down to the pub.
24:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:13 Speaker 01 And the staff would like, you know, it's quite sweet in a way.
24:15 Speaker 00 One of my favourite people to, what I used to love is the different people you'd meet and drink with. There's a guy called Martin No Pants. He was the sort of, he was the first person I ever knew that went commando. Like legitimately didn't wear any underpants.
24:29 Speaker 01 It's, it's, it's a shame for Martin. So you were good friends with him?
24:33 Speaker 00 I knew him, I knew well enough.
24:35 Speaker 01 So you know this guy Martin?
24:36 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:37 Speaker 01 And he has this thing where he doesn't wear any underwear. And he thinks, I wonder what my nickname would be. Commando, raw dog, no, Martin No Pants.
24:55 Speaker 00 What else is going on in your life?
24:57 Speaker 01 Well, what else is going on in my life? And I'm slightly nervous to say this because I've got to be honest with you. I think I've come into this in quite a bit. I've just been to the dentist.
25:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, you have dentist attitude.
25:07 Speaker 01 And I had quite a traumatic episode at the dentist. Like where they were like, you know, if you imagine this is like the side of my mouth, they had to really get in there.
25:17 Speaker 00 Wow, brilliant, yeah.
25:18 Speaker 01 Do you know when they really like?
25:19 Speaker 00 What, this bit of your mouth?
25:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, and like they're trying to get to the...
25:22 Speaker 00 Yeah.
25:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, you've got gels as well.
25:24 Speaker 00 No, no, I'm just saying, yeah, of course I have, yeah, yeah.
25:26 Speaker 01 But like, you know, when they're like really wrenching and trying to get in there. So I've had quite a, and I feel like it's affected my, it's made me a bit spiky, do you know what I'm saying?
25:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, of course.
25:33 Speaker 01 I had to take a painkiller when I left because I said, you're going to feel some residual kind of ache.
25:37 Speaker 00 By the way, like, you had Invisalign done, right? Your teeth look beautiful. You still have been to, you've gone to the dentist, you've had so many problems.
25:46 Speaker 01 Well, actually, this is not something I've admitted publicly, but um, one of the major problems has been completely of my own doing.
25:54 Speaker 00 What's the case?
25:56 Speaker 01 So, basically, this is quite embarrassing actually. I had like an issue with my teeth like up here and I needed to have um, like a crown put on it or whatever. And so they had to like, you know, I've got a problem with going to the dentist.
26:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, hence a gentle dentist.
26:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:14 Speaker 00 Shout out to me.
26:15 Speaker 01 So I had like a temporary, temporary thing put on. And the temporary thing's supposed to last two weeks until the actual crown comes back.
26:21 Speaker 00 Right.
26:22 Speaker 01 And then they fit the actual proper crown. So I had the temporary thing put on and then I didn't go back for three years.
26:29 Speaker 00 What? You've had that, don't they go manky and rot?
26:32 Speaker 01 No, they don't go manky, but they, but what, what happens is, is they've like prepared it to be like properly protected. They put a temporary thing on there. Then I've used that like it's a permanent thing and then I made the problem worse.
26:44 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
26:45 Speaker 01 And then they had to, so basically, the reason I've had to go back is my own doing.
26:48 Speaker 00 So is it done now or are you still?
26:50 Speaker 01 Mate, I've literally just had my last treatment.
26:53 Speaker 00 Wow.
26:53 Speaker 01 I'm just, I'm hygienist and nothing, baby.
26:56 Speaker 00 Yeah, is that though, because the trouble is? Dental wise, I mean, your teeth look amazing.
27:02 Speaker 01 Do you think so?
27:03 Speaker 00 Yeah, they're nice.
27:03 Speaker 01 All completely veneered now, can you tell?
27:06 Speaker 00 Veneers?
27:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:07 Speaker 00 I didn't think, I thought it was Invisalign.
27:09 Speaker 01 No.
27:09 Speaker 00 So what, you've got those horrible little nubs?
27:11 Speaker 01 You know, they shave the, yeah.
27:12 Speaker 00 Oh, they're the worst, by the way.
27:14 Speaker 01 What? I'm just, mate, I've just had them done.
27:17 Speaker 00 That, my mate's got those and he's, three of his front teeth have fallen out and now he can't be bothered to get it done. He hasn't got the money.
27:23 Speaker 01 These aren't veneers.
27:23 Speaker 00 He's just got three nubs where his teeth used to be.
27:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, because they have to shave it down, don't they?
27:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, so, but he hasn't got the money to, he had, he was doing all right, cracking on through life, had all his teeth done with the nubs. These, three of these teeth have fallen out and now he's really struggling.
27:37 Speaker 01 How close are you with them?
27:38 Speaker 00 Well, close enough, I'm paying for free teeth.
27:40 Speaker 01 Why not?
27:41 Speaker 00 Well, it's times are hard.
27:42 Speaker 01 Somebody you know's got nubs.
27:44 Speaker 00 Can I say, but I've already lent him money before and never got it back.
27:46 Speaker 01 Well, I wouldn't say, I don't, I wouldn't call this a loan then, if that makes you feel better.
27:50 Speaker 00 Well, no, I'm not, so, yeah, I'm not paying for his teeth.
27:52 Speaker 01 There's a guy you know, he's a mate of yours, walking around with that front teeth.
27:55 Speaker 00 Do you, I've, I've had bits and bobs, you know, it's like losing hair, right? It's actually sort of, it's, it's the maketh of the man.
28:03 Speaker 01 I don't think having missing front teeth is the maketh of the man.
28:06 Speaker 00 No, he's got this one, he's got that one missing.
28:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's front.
28:09 Speaker 00 That one.
28:09 Speaker 01 That's front.
28:10 Speaker 00 I think it's.
28:10 Speaker 01 And you're getting more and more front, it's three fronts.
28:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
28:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, so.
28:14 Speaker 00 Well, I'm not, I've lent him money, he didn't pay me back, like, I lent him money like three years ago, he never paid me back.
28:19 Speaker 01 Hmm.
28:19 Speaker 00 And in that time, he had his teeth done, went to Turkey, had other stuff done.
28:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:24 Speaker 00 He's lived quite the vibrant lifestyle.
28:25 Speaker 01 Hmm.
28:26 Speaker 00 And now literally is in a situation where, oh, I, I, I'm gonna lend him more money.
28:32 Speaker 01 Has he asked you for the money?
28:33 Speaker 00 Well, he's hinted at it.
28:34 Speaker 01 Right, what did he say? How did he hint?
28:35 Speaker 00 Well, we've been out.
28:36 Speaker 01 Imagine I'm Tom Davis and you're.
28:39 Speaker 00 Where are we?
28:42 Speaker 01 Um, let's say we are at the bowling alley.
28:46 Speaker 00 Okay, bowling alley?
28:47 Speaker 01 Yeah. We've decided to meet up, we wanted to do something different because we keep going out for drink, you don't drink.
28:52 Speaker 00 Yeah. He drinks, by the way, as we've lost three of his teeth.
28:56 Speaker 01 Well, you said it's a veneers thing?
28:58 Speaker 00 Yes, veneers.
28:58 Speaker 01 All right, fine, so we're at the bowling alley.
29:00 Speaker 00 Okay.
29:01 Speaker 01 We're, we're next to each other on the thing and like, I don't know.
29:05 Speaker 00 Oh, Tom, nice strike. You're the best bowler I've ever seen.
29:09 Speaker 01 Thanks, man. Folks. Yeah, yeah. Nice one. Yeah.
29:12 Speaker 00 You're looking good as well. Looking nice.
29:14 Speaker 01 Thanks, man. Appreciate it. Thanks so much. Like, it's, uh, well, you know, it's, uh, in a world where things get more and more difficult, you can only hope that your sartorial kind of influence can help, uh, make things a little bit happier for people. You know, often I will be walking along the road and like someone will see me in a new jacket or something. And I think, do you know what? I've made their day a little bit better. So a lot of people consider sort of dressing well a thing that affects you, but I often consider it something that affects everyone around you. You know, sometimes you, you might walk into a sandwich shop and somebody sees you walk past and they go, do you know what? I came in here for a little bit of crust. Now I've got myself a little bit of self-esteem. Thanks to that fella right there. Do you know what? I think I might buy myself
29:55 Speaker 01 a jacket like that and I might feel better about myself. So in many ways, you consider it me attarring myself with the vestments of somebody that's successful. But actually what I'm doing is enabling other people to be more successful in their own existences.
30:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I was thinking.
30:11 Speaker 01 To cut a long story short.
30:12 Speaker 00 By the way, uh, while you were talking, I went and got us a couple of drinks. I didn't miss hear everything that you said.
30:18 Speaker 01 Wow, it's incredibly rude.
30:19 Speaker 00 God, it's gonna be so painful drinking this ice cold Coca-Cola with three teeth missing.
30:24 Speaker 01 Do you need a straw?
30:28 Speaker 00 No, no, no, no, no. It should be fine. Stupid teeth. What was I even thinking?
30:32 Speaker 01 Yeah. Why did you get veneers, mate?
30:34 Speaker 00 Well, I don't know. You'd probably be able to put it better than me because you're brighter and more intelligent, but, um.
30:47 Speaker 01 What made you get veneers?
30:48 Speaker 00 Uh, well, remember how bad my teeth used to be?
30:51 Speaker 01 No.
30:52 Speaker 00 Well, they were terrible.
30:53 Speaker 01 Right.
30:53 Speaker 00 Yeah. Um, I didn't have a toothbrush until I was 14. So, um, and then, um, basically I just had no.
31:00 Speaker 01 Great birthday, that, wasn't it?
31:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, it was. Actually, it wasn't my birthday. It was when my dad got out of prison.
31:05 Speaker 01 When your dad got you, got out of prison, he bought you a toothbrush?
31:07 Speaker 00 No, he, it was the only thing he brought back from prison.
31:10 Speaker 01 Okay. Where do you think that had been?
31:12 Speaker 00 I'm not sure, but one end of it was really sharp. Um.
31:15 Speaker 01 The other end smelled like someone's anus, I imagine.
31:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, weirdly so, actually. Yeah, so, but they say you'll never get those first years of cleaning your teeth back. I don't know what I'm holding this glass. Um, and, uh, yeah, so my teeth were, they never stood a chance, really.
31:33 Speaker 01 Hmm.
31:34 Speaker 00 So, and then I got those veneers done, felt really good about myself.
31:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, I can imagine you'd know, great veneer. I mean, I did say to you, they've got to take that, some of the enamel down and there's a health repercussion of that. And I often say to people, you know, vanity be your master.
31:47 Speaker 00 Can I borrow a thousand pounds to have my teeth redone? Can I borrow a thousand pounds to have my teeth redone, please?
31:52 Speaker 01 Well, listen, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll tell you this. You know, we, uh, we struggle, we toil. I don't know if I ever mentioned it, I don't know if I mentioned it this afternoon. I certainly do talk about it all the time, but I used to be a scaffolder.
32:07 Speaker 01 And, um, used to work on a site.
32:13 Speaker 01 Is that how much you can it'll cost?
32:14 Speaker 00 Emily said it would be a grand, yeah. He was telling someone else.
32:17 Speaker 01 How close are you to giving him that money?
32:19 Speaker 00 I'm not close. I, I, like, genuinely, I lent him money before.
32:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:24 Speaker 00 To, cause he was in a bit of a dire strait. He was going through a bit of a tough time. I lent him money. He, we spoke. I'm like, here we go. And it's, this is a loan. Do you know what I mean? I've got enough money, I could just freely give it to people. And, uh, and then when he was doing really well for himself, I'd be out of him and he'd be buying drinks and he'd be in.
32:40 Speaker 01 And did you ever mention it at that point?
32:42 Speaker 00 But then it's awkward, isn't it? He's in designer clothes, head to toe, driving a brand new motor. So it's awkward then to just turn around and go, oh, well, you, you know. So it was sort of very, he was very frivolous with his money.
32:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm sorry about that, mate.
32:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, well, that is what it is. But now, you know, it's maybe a metaphor for life.
32:58 Speaker 01 In what way?
32:59 Speaker 00 Well, like, don't always.
33:01 Speaker 01 It's the, uh, grasshopper and the, um, ant, isn't it?
33:04 Speaker 00 Is it teeth?
33:06 Speaker 01 What?
33:07 Speaker 00 The ant's missing some teeth.
33:08 Speaker 01 No, isn't the thing where like, um, isn't the story of the grasshopper and the ant? Can we look up the grasshopper and the ant, please? It's like, do you know Aesop's fables?
33:16 Speaker 00 No. What's Esop's fables?
33:18 Speaker 01 Oh, oh.
33:19 Speaker 00 You got so theatre these days.
33:20 Speaker 01 I'm not theatre, Esop's fables is like.
33:23 Speaker 00 Right, where's the grasshopper and the ant?
33:25 Speaker 01 The ant and the grasshopper, there you go. The fable describes how a hungry grasshopper begs for food from an ant when winter comes and is refused. Okay, I've not really gone into the whole story. Anyway, one of them works through the, one of them stores food during the summer. And the grasshopper's fucking around.
33:41 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:41 Speaker 01 And the ant's like picking up stuff and putting it in like a store, and the grasshopper's going, are you sad little. Like, why don't you just enjoy yourself?
33:50 Speaker 00 Right, yeah.
33:52 Speaker 01 The ant's kind of just put some stuff together and then the grasshopper's going, fucking dickhead.
33:56 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:56 Speaker 01 And then it gets to winter.
33:57 Speaker 00 And he's got no.
33:59 Speaker 01 Ant's got shit loads of stuff. You're the ant.
34:01 Speaker 00 Yeah.
34:02 Speaker 01 And your mates are.
34:03 Speaker 00 I was also, by the way, the grasshopper before in my life, so.
34:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, I, yeah, I, but I'm, I'm not in a situation now giving this, this guy money.
34:11 Speaker 01 No, but you could do. You're doing really well.
34:14 Speaker 00 I, I'm not doing well enough that I can.
34:15 Speaker 01 You didn't really, I mean, look, you know, you've got a nice house. Look, do you know what happened? You're so worried that I was gonna like pull out your tax return or something, you fucking knocked the statue. You, you, you've been in films.
34:27 Speaker 00 Yeah.
34:28 Speaker 01 You're in sitcoms. This is doing all right, as you can tell. That didn't come cheap, right? Yeah, you're on tour.
34:35 Speaker 00 But also, I don't, we don't know about many days. I'm not, I'm not, if I'm gonna let, if I'm gonna lend someone the money and help them out, it's gonna be someone I look and go, oh, you know what? They'd look after me if I went through a tough time.
34:44 Speaker 01 Well, I don't think that's the way you should give.
34:46 Speaker 00 Really?
34:47 Speaker 01 Hmm.
34:47 Speaker 00 So you don't think that if I look at it and go, okay, I, I've given this guy money. He didn't look after him. Like, he, he's not.
34:54 Speaker 01 He frittered it away.
34:55 Speaker 00 He's frittered it away. Also frittered a lot of other money away, right? And then I'm gonna go back in and give him more money. And then when he does well again, which inevitably he will, he's one of those people who very much is, he's a rollercoaster kind of guy. He's a Ronan Keating. He's up and down.
35:09 Speaker 01 Hmm.
35:10 Speaker 00 Right? He's not gonna then go, when he's got his new teeth, he's not gonna go, oh, remember, every time he looks in the mirror going, actually, it was Tommy who sorted me out these.
35:18 Speaker 01 Well, do you, that's not the reason you do it. The reason you do it is to repair his teeth.
35:21 Speaker 00 No, but also, yeah, but they.
35:22 Speaker 01 You're not doing it for gratitude, Tom.
35:23 Speaker 00 But you do that once, and then if you lend someone money.
35:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:26 Speaker 00 If I went, here we, here we go, here's this.
35:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:29 Speaker 00 This is a gift from me to you. Or if he went, can you, can you give this to me? Can I have this?
35:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:34 Speaker 00 And I went, there we go. But he was like, can you, I'll sort you out when I've got it, I'll sort you out. And then to always, when you're out, to see them showing off and, and and then never once go, oh, I've got you for that thing. I don't, I won't forget that. I don't do it for that, but I do find it, it's a thing of.
35:48 Speaker 01 Right.
35:49 Speaker 00 What, where do you come in?
35:50 Speaker 01 No, no, no judgment here, but I get it. You know, if the guy doesn't thank you, whatever.
35:55 Speaker 00 It's not, no, not thanking me, it's the fact that he's not.
35:57 Speaker 01 He's not remembering it. No, I get it.
35:58 Speaker 00 He's not remembering, he's not paying it back.
35:59 Speaker 01 Gratitude.
36:00 Speaker 00 He's not going, oh, here, by the way, you've just had a kid.
36:02 Speaker 01 No, I get it, I get it.
36:02 Speaker 00 And I'm like, not necessarily the time doing that well for myself. It's ups and downs this game, baby.
36:07 Speaker 01 No, I get it. Yeah, that's fine.
36:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, it's, it's, uh, it's about that time, Tom, for you to, um, get into the, actually, before we do get into, I'm really sorry to do this, but before we do get into this, I, I, I, we digress from what I wanted to talk about.
36:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay.
36:25 Speaker 01 You're wearing jeans.
36:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:27 Speaker 01 I, I, I can't think of the last time, well, I, I know I've seen you wear jeans before, this style of jean.
36:36 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:37 Speaker 01 I don't think I've ever seen you wear. Can you talk me through it, please?
36:39 Speaker 00 I saw Jacob Elordi in a pair. I really liked what he was doing with him. Jacob Elordi's become my new guru. He's a big guy, he's tall.
36:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:48 Speaker 00 I look at him.
36:49 Speaker 01 Where did you see him wearing these jeans?
36:51 Speaker 00 I think, I think it was somewhere on.
36:52 Speaker 01 What are these jeans?
36:53 Speaker 00 What make?
36:54 Speaker 01 No, no, what is the style? What is, what do you call this?
36:57 Speaker 00 I think it's like a boyfriend cut type thing.
37:03 Speaker 00 I think it's something like that, I like it, yeah.
37:04 Speaker 01 A boyfriend cut?
37:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, and what's the, is that like, what is that wash?
37:09 Speaker 00 It's like, this is a, like an acid wash, isn't it?
37:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what I was wondering, but then I didn't want to embarrass myself by saying that.
37:14 Speaker 00 I don't.
37:14 Speaker 01 That's acid wash, right?
37:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:16 Speaker 00 What's your, what's your real feeling on it? Do you think I'm too old for jeans?
37:20 Speaker 01 No, of course you're not too old for jeans. Sixty year olds love jeans, don't they?
37:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:24 Speaker 01 But I, I, I think, um, no, I think it's good. What, my question to you is this, you're a bit of a clothes horse.
37:30 Speaker 00 I love my clothes.
37:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, you love your clothes and you always look good, today included. And, um.
37:38 Speaker 00 Go on.
37:39 Speaker 01 But like, do you get like, so for example, you must have known this is a bit of a different jean for you.
37:44 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:45 Speaker 01 Was there any?
37:46 Speaker 00 Catherine hates them. She's not a fan. I.
37:49 Speaker 01 What, what did she say?
37:50 Speaker 00 She, she just was like, oh my god, she, they're, if I, if I put these on and we were going out for a date or we were going out for a bit of lunch.
37:57 Speaker 01 She wouldn't let you wear them?
37:58 Speaker 00 She'd go, you're not wearing nice.
37:59 Speaker 01 Why? What's her issue with them?
38:00 Speaker 00 She's just, she's in vibrate them. Whereas I quite like them. And also I've always liked to pick up a little piece where you just go, this is a bit different.
38:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, but is there, is there then any nerves when you wear them out? Like when you came here today?
38:12 Speaker 00 Oh, in what sense? Are people laughing at?
38:14 Speaker 01 Not laughing, I'm not saying laughing, you know when you wear something a bit different.
38:17 Speaker 00 Stuff that's like, like, I, like, back in the day, I remember buying a pair of leather trousers. I think I've talked about this on here before. I got coerced, coerced into wearing, like, I was in Sutton in a place called Times Square, they used to have a clothes shop there. Um, and this guy.
38:33 Speaker 01 It's hilarious to me that Sutton's got a Times Square, but anyway.
38:36 Speaker 00 Yeah, he was called Slick and he used to run a, I can't remember, but he used to run this cool clothes shop.
38:40 Speaker 01 Is that the one just down from the Empire State Building?
38:44 Speaker 00 And, uh, look at this guy. Uh, and he, um, and he had these like faux leather trousers.
38:52 Speaker 01 Right.
38:52 Speaker 00 In a, in my size, pleather, yeah. And he went, um, these would be, oh, he's like, he, basically I went in for a pair of jeans. And he was like, oh no, these will be great for you. You look amazing in these, dude. You'd look sick in these, man. And I was like, oh, serious? And he, so I tried them on and I wasn't sure, they were quite tight, pleather.
39:09 Speaker 01 Hmm.
39:10 Speaker 00 Um, and him and his, the guy who works, I think it was called Faraz, they, they, he was called Faraz, and they were like, oh mate, you look the bollocks, bruv, you're gonna fucking smash it. Where you going tonight? I was like, bro, walking in Croydon. And they're like, oh mate. They're literally like, and they were like sixty quid. And I was like, yeah. So I brought them with a, you remember those like, um. Versace sort of like black t shirts.
39:35 Speaker 01 Fucking hell.
39:36 Speaker 00 They sold me one of those as well and.
39:40 Speaker 01 I don't think what that look is.
39:41 Speaker 00 Uh, I think it's, I think it's a look. I think it's.
39:45 Speaker 01 It's sort of like um.
39:46 Speaker 00 If you're turning up to Blue Walkin in nineteen ninety eight.
39:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, so, so you wore them.
39:50 Speaker 00 Everyone else.
39:51 Speaker 01 What shoes were you in?
39:52 Speaker 00 Uh, probably a pair of Patrick Cox wannabes.
39:55 Speaker 01 Oh my god, with leather trousers?
39:57 Speaker 00 Yeah.
39:58 Speaker 01 Okay, go on. So then what happened? What was the reaction?
40:00 Speaker 00 Can I just say, everyone else in my area and probably yours as well, pretty much there was a uniform like that then. Five O ones, uh.
40:08 Speaker 01 Like a smart shirt?
40:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, like a smart shirt, usually quite big fit in.
40:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:12 Speaker 00 Maybe a Harrington.
40:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:13 Speaker 00 Patrick Cox wannabes or, or Reebok classics, little sprays you, um. Yeah, so it was a big, big move. Um, and yeah, I, I remember turning up, we all, I can't remember the bar we used to go into.
40:25 Speaker 01 Turning up to meet your mates for the first time in leather trousers.
40:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
40:30 Speaker 01 Jeez, you have to give yourself a fucking pep talk in the mirror before you get out there.
40:34 Speaker 00 I turned out thinking, cause I was so, I'm so influenced by what other people think.
40:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're drunk off the compliments you got in the shop. Yeah.
40:40 Speaker 00 I couldn't wait to get them on.
40:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:42 Speaker 00 You know, uh, and I remember getting off the, oh my god, I remember getting off the train at West Groydin and people like wolf whistling, like. Like walking past a group, I mean, I'm seventeen, eighteen at the time, walking past a group of that sort of proper geese and go, hey, where are you going, babe?
40:59 Speaker 01 Did, did any alarm bells start ringing at that point?
41:01 Speaker 00 No, but I, I used to, my head just think, oh, they're just, yeah. Yes.
41:06 Speaker 01 Jealous?
41:07 Speaker 00 All right, oh yeah, just having a banner. I've been teased all my life.
41:10 Speaker 01 I bet they haven't got sixty quid for a pair of these trousers.
41:13 Speaker 00 Also just thought that someone, you know, it was, I remember being, do you know that actually the work, I remember rinsed by a group of girls in a kebab shop after. Um, with them on, it was, uh, yeah.
41:23 Speaker 01 Kebab shop after is when you off, I got rinsed.
41:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, that's, yeah.
41:28 Speaker 01 I told you about when I wore the bandana.
41:30 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:30 Speaker 01 And somebody said, nice teatowel.
41:32 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah, the kebab, yeah, it's a, it's a real, uh, it's a real place if you want your ego, yeah.
41:39 Speaker 01 And also they, they've often got like, it's all mirror.
41:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:43 Speaker 01 So often it's like two o'clock in the morning and then you see what you've actually looked like.
41:46 Speaker 00 I forgot, I never, like, I was dancing quite seriously.
41:53 Speaker 00 I remember getting a really, really sweaty bum. Oh man, this is so.
41:57 Speaker 01 In the trousers?
41:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was like sweating, everything sweating, you know.
42:01 Speaker 01 It's disgusting.
42:03 Speaker 00 So the sweat on my bum was like so bad, I had to go and get some napkins.
42:07 Speaker 01 To give yourself like a courtesy one.
42:08 Speaker 00 No, to put them between my bum cheeks.
42:12 Speaker 00 So the sweat was, oh my god.
42:14 Speaker 01 You put napkins between your bum cheeks? As like a mop up thing?
42:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, so, so it wouldn't be so sweaty.
42:21 Speaker 01 But I don't understand why you needed to do that. What, what, I mean, only you were getting really sweaty, but what?
42:25 Speaker 00 My pants were wet right through nearly.
42:27 Speaker 01 Okay.
42:28 Speaker 00 Cause I was dancing, right? And then I put, but then I was like, I was quite uncomfortable with your butt.
42:33 Speaker 01 I'm trying to think, a seventeen year old G with a black Versace t-shirt, pleather trousers, wallabies. Sweating his ass off, just absolutely going for it, got.
42:43 Speaker 00 Sweet night, Charlie.
42:49 Speaker 01 I'll bring you flowers.
42:52 Speaker 00 I used to think, cause also by the way, what's insane at that time is we didn't have camera phones. So I used to really give it sometimes on the dance floor.
43:01 Speaker 01 Yeah. Those were the good old, by the way, that's a really good observation. Those were the good old days. You could dance however you wanted.
43:07 Speaker 00 But no one videoed you and then just showed you, oh my god, have you seen you like that? You know, I could see people sometimes sort of staring and whatever.
43:14 Speaker 01 Nobody like, nobody like videos you when you're having a nice night out and you think you look good dancing and then they show you the video. Then everyone starts laughing and then you go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go home and they go, don't, they go, don't go home, Rom. And you go, and sorry, you go, don't go home, mate. And you go, yeah. You know what I'm talking about?
43:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
43:30 Speaker 01 So anyway, you got, where did you get the napkins from?
43:32 Speaker 00 From the bar.
43:33 Speaker 01 Right. So you said, can I have some napkins?
43:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
43:35 Speaker 01 Okay.
43:36 Speaker 00 And also like I had to, and then I.
43:38 Speaker 01 And what they wouldn't have done is thought you've felt anything. They've got, they've just looked at you and go, he's got a sweaty ass crack.
43:44 Speaker 00 Also, I wanted to go in the toilet and put them in.
43:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:46 Speaker 00 Um, cause I, do you ever go to the block it back in the day?
43:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:49 Speaker 00 Yeah.
43:50 Speaker 01 Once or twice.
43:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, the toilets were quite sort of savage, do you know what I mean? And also, so I didn't want anyone thinking I was, I was just sticking stuff up my bum.
43:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, sure.
43:57 Speaker 00 Um, so I, I just found a dark little corner and did it, just subtly.
44:01 Speaker 01 In the corner of the club?
44:02 Speaker 00 Yeah, I just did it quickly.
44:06 Speaker 00 Like slip in.
44:08 Speaker 01 And then how did you feel after that?
44:10 Speaker 00 Well, to be fair, it wasn't a great, it was one of the worst inventions I've ever made. Cause the truth is.
44:16 Speaker 01 I mean, I don't think the word invention has been misused to that level in the history of language.
44:22 Speaker 00 Well, the truth of it is the, it had the opposite effect that I desired.
44:27 Speaker 01 The napkins started sweating.
44:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
44:29 Speaker 01 Fucking hell, it's not done.
44:31 Speaker 00 The napkins then became quite drenched.
44:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course.
44:33 Speaker 00 And but also very much like it became almost, I ended up basically with sort of like sores and like a bit of a nappy rash on my bum.
44:42 Speaker 00 It was quite a, yeah, it was quite, yeah.
44:48 Speaker 00 Having to go in like that morning, like the morning, sort of on the Monday morning, that goes sort of like go at work and get some nappy rash cream.
44:54 Speaker 01 Imagine if you'd taken someone home that night.
44:56 Speaker 00 Oh shit, you know, the only thing I'd say is that was never on the fucking, that was sort of like dancing around.
45:04 Speaker 01 Right, Tommy Day, can you do us the honour of taking us out, please?
45:08 Speaker 00 Okay.
45:10 Speaker 00 An egg falls on the floor. Smash crash. Pick it up, John. Put it in the bin. Don't worry about it.
45:19 Speaker 00 But what was this egg meant to be? What should it have been? Fried on someone's plate. Whisk carefully, a little bit of sugar and flour. That's a lovely cake, Melika. Thanks. I like cupcakes too. Truth is, some things are cut down in their prime before they reach things that they're meant to be. Eggs, cats, dogs, people. It's really, really hard to look down upon the egg and not feel sad. Truth is, fulfillment is everything, but what about this? What about the journey the egg went on? To get to that floor. Maybe that was his moment.
45:58 Speaker 00 Maybe the truth was that this egg had to hit the ground just for John or whoever else to be careful with other eggs. To seal their fate. Sometimes in life, the things that we wish we could be aren't actually the things that we should be at all. So today, when you're walking around and listening to this podcast or even watching it. Think to yourself, am I doing the thing I should be? That I'm destined to do? Or am I just an egg on the floor? Looking up at a guy, wondering what could it be?
46:32 Speaker 01 It's a really beautiful message and also a deep insight into our different perspectives. So again, what could the egg have been? Could have been a cake, could have been a pancake. And not one second did you think it could have been a chicken?
46:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, it could have gone on to lead a life.
46:54 Speaker 01 Uh, thank you so much.
46:55 Speaker 00 It's the same end.
46:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Tom. Thank you so much, everybody for watching and listening to the wall for now. We'll see you next time.
47:04 Speaker 00 Namaste.
47:05 Speaker 01 Peace.
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