Baked Beans, Chocolate Digestives and Declan Rice

What way up should you eat a chocolate digestive biscuit? Is there anything that baked beans don’t go with? And why can’t Romesh ever be seen in public in Barcelona again? Also, our advice worked! Congratulations to the nervous numbat on his engagement! You too, could be the recipient of some potentially life-changing advice friends, send your questions, dilemmas, pictures and voice notes to us at [email protected]. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters: 00:00 Intro00:28 Proposal03:02 Baked bean curry07:58 Rom’s Barcelona story12:51 Chocolate digestives17:09 Stalkers vs fans23:59 Drawings Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:15Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Wolf and Owl email special. Yeah, it's a Wolf and Owl email special. It's on David's rubbish ring and need.

• 0:27Speaker 00

  Shall we get straight into it? Hi Wolf, Owl, Swan and Cat. A few months ago, I emailed about advice on words when proposing to your other half. The time came on Saturday, oh my god.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  The time came on Saturday to finally pop the question and with the help from you guys, it went very smoothly. As you took, as you took all the pressure off me thinking it had to be some big speech, I just kept it natural in the moment and went with the flow. Thankfully, it ended with her saying yes, which topped it off as requested last time by Tom. We bought two tickets to one of his shows, the one in Portsmouth, which will subsequently be our first ever stand-up show live.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 0:57Speaker 00

  Sorry for the long email, it's not actually that long at all. Just wanted to say thank you for advice, many thanks and nervous number. Congratulations.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:05Speaker 00

  Congratulations, isn't that cool?

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Mate, I feel, I feel buzzing back.

• 1:10Speaker 00

  Two tickets in Portsmouth.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Can we email them back and say, yeah, I want to meet these people?

• 1:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, Tom wants to meet you, so.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  I'll see you before or after the show. Come and say hello.

• 1:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, please do go and say hello to Tom.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, well.

• 1:21Speaker 00

  And congratulations, you've got people coming to the Portsmouth show.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, Portsmouth show. Weirdly Portsmouth has never been a problem.

• 1:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's where you do your special, isn't it?

• 1:27Speaker 01

  I love Portsmouth.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  It's a great, it's a great city full of great people.

• 1:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  And two very special people coming. I'm actually, do you know what, I feel like, wow, they should also come to the club night.

• 1:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, you should.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Tickets to the club night are yours.

• 1:41Speaker 00

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we haven't even put it on, we didn't even know when it is. And now you're offering free tickets, you didn't comps before we even.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  You, oh, you could pick them up as a chauffeur in your Aston.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  We'll have to strap one of them to the roof. Okay.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Shall we?

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Oh, that is, that's amazing by the way.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, congratulate, genuinely.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Give me five. That's incredible, bro.

• 2:03Speaker 00

  Congratulations, man, that's good.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  That's made me feel happy.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, made me feel really happy.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  Really good. The two, two people are getting married.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Two people getting, that is a winner by the way, that we should go to. I know we've said it a lot and we've gone, oh, we might go to one, but this, we're, we're, we're in the mix of this.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  Well, the nervous number, in fairness.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  We DJ at the wedding, for free.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  Well, they're not even suggesting that we're invited.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm just saying.

• 2:24Speaker 00

  And neither of us can DJ, so th- those are the main obstacles.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Rob Percy's coming with us.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  So now they've invited Rob Percy.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  Rob Percy, by the way.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  And Rob Percy's DJing for free, by the way. That's how he, by the way, that's how, that's how he makes his living, but now we've offered him.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Rob Percy, by the way, I will tell you now, is not just a DJ. I'd say Rob Percy's gonna be one of the best wedding guests you've ever had.

• 2:44Speaker 00

  He's the portal of entertainment system.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  I fucking love him.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  He's so much fun to be around.

• 2:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  I think Rob Percy injected into your spirit, like elevates your mood by at least 20%.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, agreed.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  It's like Red Bull, but in human form.

• 2:55Speaker 00

  All right, all right, relax. Fucking, why don't you marry him?

• 2:58Speaker 01

  I've, I've, I've now to do it.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  Double wedding?

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 02

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• 4:01Speaker 03

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  Okay, do you want to do that question?

• 4:34Speaker 01

  I'm so buzzing. Oh, I'm gonna take a moment. Wow. Hello, sweet, sweet selves. I recently stumbled upon your podcast and absolutely love it. So I thought I'd ask you a little question. I enjoy doing things to get a reaction out of my partner. I tend to do things that annoy her for a laugh. For example, I've recently started a new tradition. Every morning, I step on the scales in the morning. I stick the swans in the air as if I'm at a boxing weigh-in. Or whenever we're cooking something, whether it's a pie, a curry or something else, I will say, do you know what would be great in this? A tin of baked beans. Or my personal favourite, simply breathing.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  What is going on here?

• 5:10Speaker 01

  My question is, do you guys do anything to get a rise over your better halves? Or totally normal things that seem to get on their nerves? All the best, Ian.

• 5:17Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  By the way, Ian. I love the fact Ian's just gone with Ian. He's not even.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, really nice animal name.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Weirdly, the baked bean thing is something I do to Catherine that really annoys her. And I don't do it as a joke. I just think baked beans in everything.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  In a curry?

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Baked beans in a curry is amazing.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Baked bean curry is actually quite good.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Baked bean curry is amazing. Name a thing that baked beans isn't working.

• 5:40Speaker 00

  Trifle.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Right, that's you just trying to be like Ross.

• 5:43Speaker 00

  No, what do you mean?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Fucking savoury.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  We didn't say that, did you?

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, by the way.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  You said, name a thing.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  By the way, if you, I bet if you blitz them up, put a little bit of sugar in them, they'd be delicious.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Okay, here you go with your sugar thing again.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  I'm not after the rhubarb gate, I'm not getting into this.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  Rhubarb, by the way, it turns out rhubarb's not even a fucking fruit.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  No, it's a vegetable. But by the way, rhubarb's amazing in a trifle. Right, can I, right, baked beans, name a savoury dish that baked beans doesn't go in.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  All right. Um.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Come on, there's not a dish it doesn't go with.

• 6:13Speaker 00

  I'm thinking, I'm thinking. Lasagna?

• 6:16Speaker 01

  No, baked beans, baked beans go to lasagna. Everyone's going, oh, fuck, mate, we're fucked. We are fucked.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Baked beans are rare.

• 6:23Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  I'd argue even the mince is going, uh-uh. Baked beans in a veg- vegetarian lasagna is amazing.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  Okay, fine. Um, let me try and think of something else. Um.

• 6:34Speaker 00

  I can't actually.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  There's nothing.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  Uh.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  Actually, I've thought of one.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  I don't know, I think baked beans would find themselves slightly sort of overruled in a Chinese meal.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  I don't think, but I don't know if baked beans would.

• 6:48Speaker 00

  Stir fried baked beans wouldn't be bad.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Maybe, you might be right.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, yeah, tomato sauce doesn't really belong in a Chinese.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  No. Indian food it goes great with.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, it goes great. Thai green curry?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right, yeah. Thai and Chinese food.

• 7:02Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, kebab?

• 7:05Speaker 01

  I think, I think beans on the side of a kebab would be banging. Gives you a bit of moisture.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  Um, pizza?

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Hmm, actually, pe- baked beans, you can get a full, like a full English pizza.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  That's fucking dreadful. Do you know what Theo had when we were in Barcelona? Uh, pizza with chips on. Chips and pepperoni.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 7:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  That's a bit like, what they call, like, um.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  Are you okay?

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Well, what's those things called? Jarrow. It's like a jarrow, right? It's like a, that's like a.

• 7:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, isn't it pronounced Jeros?

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  I call it a jarrow.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, we also call it prawn puree.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Um, I do quite a lot of things like eating, by the way. My eating style really annoys Catherine. If we have poppadoms or, and prawn crackers.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  It really annoys Catherine. She can't, we can't have a romantic meal with any hard. Cause I, I eat, tend to eat my mouth open with those things. I don't know, I get so excited about that course in particular.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  I just go so, tortilla chips. I go so in.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  Have you ever made tortilla chips with a tortilla?

• 8:05Speaker 01

  I, I like Catherine's, yeah, yeah.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, delicious. So much better.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  But then it does really sort of bring home how unhealthy those things are.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  Um.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  Prawn crackers, by the way, are just delicious. I mean, you can't have them, but fuck me, they're amazing.

• 8:18Speaker 00

  I, uh, I, a lot of what I do gets on Lisa's nerves, I think.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  What I like, you know, the main thing I do is grip her up.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  You're so funny, you know. Do you, oh, you like that, man, you're quite like gropey round the house.

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Not gro- I'm not saying gropey, it's not like a sexual thing.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  You've got to be careful now as well, because your boys are coming of age, if they see their dad sort of come round the house being a bit lechy.

• 8:42Speaker 00

  It's not lechy, it's kind of like, what's the best way to, you know, like.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Come here, Lish.

• 8:48Speaker 00

  He's a bit like that, yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Get in here.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  Uh, well.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Get a TV on, come and have a kiss.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  No, I wouldn't do that, but, you know.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Get in here, come here, come here. Come here. Please, get in.

• 9:00Speaker 00

  I'm so, I, I'm affectionate, but in a way that's annoying.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  In what sense? Give mommy a kiss.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, a little bit of that, or I might just, or, or I might, you know, she might be cooking, then I might just give her a little cuddle from behind.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Oh, that's nice, though.

• 9:12Speaker 00

  I know, but it's, I think sometime, like, if you're, if you're busy.

• 9:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  You don't want this fucking.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  No, I don't, I think, I, do you know what, I think she'd like that.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  You don't want a limpid clinging on to you.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  No, I, I think you're being harsh on yourself. I don't, that's a different thing for the boy, that's a nice thing for the boys to see.

• 9:27Speaker 00

  Well, when we're, we're, when we're in Barcelona. Oh my god, I haven't told you my Bar- my Barcelona story.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  Oh, hit me.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  It's not really a story, it's like a little thing. Anyway, one of the things happened, we went to a theme park.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  And then Lisa and I had a little peck on the ch- on the lips. I don't know why, well, anyway, it doesn't matter. Just general affection.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  There shouldn't be a why.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  No, but it was off a moment or something.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  That's nice, though.

• 9:49Speaker 00

  Anyway, Alex said to me, you're too old for that now.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  What?

• 9:52Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Wow. Great, Grace makes me and Catherine kiss in front of her.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  She's like, mommy, daddy, have a kiss.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  Oh, that's quite, that's quite sweet. Anyway, we, um, we were doing a lot of shopping on the last day.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:03Speaker 00

  And we cut it quite fine to get into the car to go to the airport.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  I respect that, by the way.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Respect what?

• 10:07Speaker 01

  The fact you've cut it fine. I think everyone puts so much emphasis on getting to places early.

• 10:11Speaker 00

  So, um, we were cutting it quite fine. I said to Lisa, she was buying a handbag or something, and I said to her, I'm gonna take two of the boys back to the hotel. We'll get the luggage in the car and then we'll wait for you, alright?

• 10:23Speaker 01

  This is the most, that's a fucking, that's a vibe.

• 10:27Speaker 00

  You think so?

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I actually think it's quite sexy.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  Anyway, the boys.

• 10:33Speaker 00

  The boys.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Which put two boys do you take for that job?

• 10:35Speaker 00

  Uh, that was, uh, Alex and, Alex and Charlie.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Good choice.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  So we're going off, we're walking down the street.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Your oldest boy.

• 10:43Speaker 00

  The boys are a bit tired and I thought I'd do something funny.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Right.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  So I knew I had a quacky fart lined up, right?

• 10:51Speaker 01

  I love that you call it a quacky fart.

• 10:52Speaker 00

  You know, like when you know it's gonna be like a.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:56Speaker 00

  So I said, we're walking along and I said, listen to this, nothing to miss.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Oh, wow, wow.

• 11:05Speaker 00

  And then let rip with his fart, right?

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:08Speaker 00

  And I thought it'd make them laugh. Unfortunately, as I got to the end of the song, I hadn't noticed, but a group of women sort of got to the other side, like to our side of the road from crossing and sort of moved in directly behind us. As I finished the song and did the fart.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 11:25Speaker 00

  They, I suddenly hear a group of women cracking up laughing.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 11:28Speaker 00

  Alex says, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, they heard. Then they start pointing at me and nudging their mates and going basically saying this guy's farted and I just fucking ran away.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  You ran?

• 11:40Speaker 00

  Well, I sort of walked very quickly because it was just fucking humiliating.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  How mad is this, right? You can verify this with your brother, right? This is an insane thing that this has happened to you. So we were in Cornwall, me and your brother doing a show. We go for, we have a morning walk every morning. So we've walked up to the top of this hill, uh, like hill cliff thing, uh, looking down at sea and we come walking back. The night before, we've had, well, they thought we've had a quite a big lunch, we've had quite a bit, you know? And, uh, we, we've got on out for pizza. So as we're walking down the hill, um, I was like, you know, like, Dan, I'm like, proper guffing loads. And he was sort of, we're sort of making a bit of a joke about it. We passed this woman who was sort of like looking out to sea and stuff. We sort of walked down the hill a bit and then we stopped a couple of times just to sort of take pictures and then. And as we're walking down, I saw, your brother's really, he's really funny around farts. He's like, he hates them.

• 12:28Speaker 00

  He's quite prudish.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's prudish around guffs, right? So this is mad, so I go, Din, get a load of this, and I sort of cock my leg like that, stand there, cock my leg. Let rip, and the woman is literally there.

• 12:42Speaker 00

  Well, you hadn't noticed her?

• 12:42Speaker 01

  No, because she was coming down behind me, like, and I, and obviously, height wise, she's literally eaten, like, and I was like, I, I literally, I just mortified, just walked out, and Din went, you fart at that woman, I was like, shut up, like, just keep walking. And we, we just kept like, you know, it was so fucking like, it was literally mortifying, yeah. You're, it's insane, your brother, by the way, around anything like that.

• 13:06Speaker 00

  I don't think I've ever heard my brother fart.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  He, like, if you talk about, I mean, he's the opposite of you.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  What does that mean?

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Well, no, because you and me have, we, mate, we, we've done a podcast for six years, and I think probably seventy percent of it is we're talking about farts and poos, right? Din, Din, if you mention a fart, if you go, God, I'm gonna have to go to the toilet, he goes, oh, for God's sake. Like, anything else, he'll have a joke about. He just gets really prudish around that.

• 13:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't think I've ever, I heard him say I need to take a shit or anything like that.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  Interesting.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  He just slopes off.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's, he got caught up, by the way, bad in a, changed in a,

• 13:41Speaker 00

  What happened?

• 13:41Speaker 01

  In a dressing room incident.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  What happened?

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Well, we share a dressing room now, and we sort of, yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  And, yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 00

  Why are you sharing a dressing room, by the way?

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Because I like, we like it, me and him, we chat before.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  Oh, God.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  I don't wanna be sat on my own before the show.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  Be sat on your own, be a fucking grown up.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Why?

• 13:59Speaker 00

  You're about to do a show, why do you be sat in the support act, forcing your support act to fucking smell your shit?

• 14:05Speaker 01

  No, he loves being, not that bit, he loves it, we love it together, we sit, we chat, we joke, we laugh.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  We watch videos together on YouTube.

• 14:13Speaker 00

  All right, I need, I need to chat to Din and get his side of things on this.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  Okay, we'll get it on a voice note.

• 14:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, all right.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  Hi, Ron and Tom. Help settle a debate, please. What way up do you eat a chocolate digestive? Do you have chocolate facing up, so it sticks to the roof of your mouth? Or chocolate facing down, so it melts in your tongue as you eat it? Well, first of all, the way you phrase that is incredibly leading.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:04Speaker 00

  My boyfriend Ian, oh, hello.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  That could be the same Ian.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  Says it's serial killer vibes eating them chocolate way down. Both him and his mate Matt say my way is wrong. They're from Macclesfield, so they're a bit weird, okay. Which could explain, if the chocolate was meant to be on the top, then the writing would be on it, and it would be that way up in the packet. Please confirm the correct way. Love you lots. Thanks, Abby. Thank you, Abby.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  By the way, Abby reassures me as a name.

• 15:26Speaker 00

  In what way?

• 15:26Speaker 01

  I can't think of a bad Abby, I bet. She was a nice person.

• 15:32Speaker 00

  Okay. Tom, chocolate digestives?

• 15:35Speaker 01

  I mean, I like Abby. I think she's a really good person. But I'm going to tell you now, I can't, I'd never, ever eat a chocolate biscuit with the chocolate facing down. It's insane. The chocolate has to be up. What? Are you the other way around?

• 15:53Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  Well, okay. This, if you, are you genuinely saying to me?

• 15:57Speaker 00

  First of all, I've got a lot to say about this.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I'll tell you what, if you can make a convincing argument, then yeah. I'll be shocked. I can't see, I can't fathom. So you're telling me a Jaffa cake you'd eat with the sponge up?

• 16:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, sponge up, yeah.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  What, chocolate down?

• 16:15Speaker 00

  Well, no, look, that's a bit different, okay? I'm talking about chocolate digestives in particular.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Okay, okay. Shout out Jamie Lang, by the way.

• 16:22Speaker 00

  For what?

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Well, he's part of the McVit.

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, of course, yeah, yeah, it's good to, Candy Kittens are doing well, it's good to see them.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but obviously.

• 16:29Speaker 00

  Finally get some money. And he's got the Disney Plus series, so. Finally, things are looking up for him. Anywho, I know, I do like Jamie, I love Jamie. Not love, love too much, but I do like him.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a good guy, he's a sweetheart.

• 16:42Speaker 00

  Anyway, we talked about this on the Ranga Nation.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  I believe that you should eat chocolate down. Okay, I don't believe that you should. I think it's.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  But why?

• 16:52Speaker 00

  Because it's a chocolate digestive.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  You're eating it because you like chocolate.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  I would say that I think the best way of eating it was two biscuits squeezed together.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  Okay, well, we're talking about people, not fucking animals.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  So you like it, you eat it because you like the chocolate.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 00

  The the best way to taste most of the chocolate is with the chocolate facing down.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  What? No.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  Because it hits your tongue straight away.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you don't like chew it.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course you do, but straight away you're in chocolate city, which is Lisa's nickname for me, by the way.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  Right, so we talked about this on the Ranga Nation.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  McVitties.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:30Speaker 00

  Saw the debate.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:31Speaker 00

  And they tweeted, the correct way to eat a chocolate digestive is chocolate down.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  What?

• 17:36Speaker 00

  So the manufacturers have confirmed. Now, there are some counter arguments to this. For example, the Jaffa cake is a good counter argument.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  The second big counter argument is pizza, right? All of the flavour of a pizza is on the top.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  Right? And you don't eat that upside down.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Well, everything would fall off.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Well, that's my that's my counter argument to the counter argument.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Pizza had an amazing pizza, uh whilst I was in Truro in Cornwall.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 18:02Speaker 00

  Home of pizza.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Uh Boss, Boss's Pizza Parlor, beautiful pizza.

• 18:07Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  Small little business.

• 18:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Mom and pop store almost. Um and they did these big pizza slices. I'd say the best way to eat a pizza, I don't use anything better than rolling a pizza up. So it's like in like in hot like like a sandwich and eating it. Well, that's good.

• 18:20Speaker 00

  Yeah. Pizza is the biggest counter argument to the top.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, but pizza's a different and digest, you can't get involved in that. That's that's a different race.

• 18:27Speaker 00

  And there's a gravity.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 00

  There's a gravity issue. Um yeah, so but but chocolate digestive is chocolate down.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  That's insane. I'd have to try it now.

• 18:37Speaker 00

  You're about to have your taste buds blown. You will get chocolate on your fingers.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I I would say that that's that's because also then I think at home that's fine because there's nothing better than licking your fingers.

• 18:48Speaker 00

  Like, there's stuff that's better than licking your fingers at home. You've not got wifi.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  There's something nice about going.

• 18:56Speaker 00

  Right, yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't do the unbroken eye contact.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, but I'd say that when you're out in public and if you like, you've got all these little three packs of digestives, you've got chocolate all over your fingers.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure, I get it.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Hi, Ramesh and Tom.

• 19:11Speaker 00

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  I did this the other week.

• 19:13Speaker 00

  You've made a mistake like this before, haven't you? Okay, so just let the email take you naturally.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Hi, Ramesh and Tom. Firstly, I'm a big fan of the show. It's become a staple, listen. Ramesh, I've followed your work for years and always rated you. Tom, I'll be honest.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  I hadn't probably come across your stuff until Silverstone last year, but you're generally one of the highlights of the whole event. Naturally, I did what any normal person would do and immediately binge through everything you've ever done. Now, here's where things take a turn. Not long after, we went to a live recording of Nevermind the Buzzcocks and Tom, you were there. And then we went to a live female with unacceptable and guess who was on the team? Mr. Tom Davies again. At this point, I think this is getting suspicious. And then to top it all off, we had the chance to say hello at the end. And instead of playing it cool, I panicked and basically dropped the, this looks a bit stalkery line, which I regret to this day. So my question is, how do you not come across like a stalk or when it's generally just a coincidence? Because I'll be seeing Tom later in, in Nottingham, again, in Nottingham later this year,

• 20:13Speaker 01

  and I'm keen to avoid escalating this into something that ends up with security getting involved. Any advice appreciated, ideally before I accidentally attend a third event in a row and complete the trilogy. Cheers, Aaron, AKA The Quick Books Chat.

• 20:26Speaker 00

  Does that mean anything to you, Quick Books Chat?

• 20:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do, yeah, it does.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  Does it explain it?

• 20:31Speaker 01

  No, I chatted to him, I think, and he mentioned the Quick Books thing.

• 20:34Speaker 00

  When did you chat to him?

• 20:35Speaker 01

  I, I think I chatted to him after, I can't remember, I do, I, I remember chatting, having an awkward encounter with someone after the show that you guys make.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  Unacceptable.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  Unacceptable.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Right, so you chatted to him and he mentioned Quick Books?

• 20:47Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  And then did he say the?

• 20:50Speaker 01

  I, I, he, he made a joke that alluded to the stalkery thing.

• 20:53Speaker 00

  Right, okay.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  That I, I can't a hundred percent. I, by the way, that sort of stuff never trips me. I'm, I'm never like, if someone's nice and gen- like genuine, I'm always like, I'm, I'm naturally, I, I, try to start a conversation with people I've met before at times and it, it goes badly. So I think I'm, I'm the worst person to ask about this. I've made a fool of myself in by by just thinking, oh, yeah, I'll crack a joke and that's a way in. Um, and it's it's backfire quite a lot of times. I would say that from what I remember of Aaron, he was very sweet.

• 21:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Nice guy.

• 21:23Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, and and also, you know, a great crowd member.

• 21:27Speaker 00

  So, Aaron, uh, you don't have anything to worry about?

• 21:29Speaker 01

  No, not at all. Come over.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  What was the question? Sorry, can we scroll?

• 21:32Speaker 01

  No, after Nottingham, come come and, yeah.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  Obviously, how do you come not come across like a stalker when it's genuinely just coincidental?

• 21:38Speaker 01

  I think I think I think the the thing of like, oh, you must think I'm a stalker always.

• 21:42Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, I wouldn't say it's coincidence that you're going to seeing him in Nottingham.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  No, no, you're coming along to a show.

• 21:46Speaker 00

  I mean, that feels deliberate. That's not happened accidentally, is it?

• 21:48Speaker 01

  But also I would say that I just always just think be yourself and just be relaxed and chilled and have a laugh. If you had this scenario, because you feel like to me, I always think with you, you're not one of those people who's gonna. You'll let the fucking action come to you rather than you go to the action.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  What does that mean?

• 22:03Speaker 01

  I think, for example, if you you saw Thierry Henry, right, one of your all time heroes.

• 22:07Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  I don't think for a second you go to to Thi Thierry and start a conversation. I think you'd hold back, you'd be cool, you'd be relaxed. And if he didn't come over to you, you'd just be like, okay, I that didn't happen.

• 22:19Speaker 00

  That is probably how I would approach it, yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  You know, whereas if that was me and I saw someone that I really idolized.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  You'd follow him home.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  I'd go over and say, hey, I'm a fan. I think you're amazing or something.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I I mean, I think I think there's probably arguments, uh, I I I think that like.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  It's a bit, I remember I told you about this when I went to see. I went to see Dre and Snoop and Eminem was out, uh, came as a special guest or whatever at that launch thing. Then Martin was DJing that event at that event. He said to me, do you want to come and meet them backstage afterwards? And I said, no. E- even though, not in a I'm too good for them way, but in a like, obviously, I'm obsessed with Dre. I'm obsessed with Snoop. I love Eminem. But I just thought I've seen them do what they do. I don't want to go back there. Do you know what I mean? Like, I I just feel I feel like. They had not, they've not got any interest in me. Like, if, if somehow socially we happen to be, I'm not saying this would ever happen, but if socially we happen to be in the same situation, we're at dinner together and then we, or whatever, that's not gonna-

• 23:17Speaker 01

  But can I say that I've seen you in those scenarios?

• 23:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  And you have an element of coolness around you, that, and I know you're gonna go, no I don't, but you do. Like, it's like you have an aura. Now, we talk about auras and that's become a thing, but you have something about you that makes you very like, you don't feel out of place in that sort of scenario.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  I do feel out of place in that.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  But you don't ever give the, you, you haven't, or like this way about you that makes you feel like, oh yeah, he, he, you can, you can walk around this people, it doesn't fit. I know that, cause I know you well, I know that there's, you, you don't feel like that.

• 23:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  But I think that almost you carry, well, I think we both feel the same. I then carry it off with like a giddy sort of feeling of someone who's been allowed.

• 23:56Speaker 00

  So if you, so, cause you, yeah, I just think that-

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Like, you're about to say Declan Rice. I know for a fact that I've made such a prat out of myself and found the Declan Rice, that he, that is, that will, even though, you know, he, he's been lovely to me since, I'm, I'm more than aware that the first few times I met Declan Rice, gave him the lasting impression that I was a fucking loser. That is, and he's lovely to me, and I'm not, this is nothing against Declan, cause I think he's a credit to the guy, I mean, I loved the guy. But I know for a fact that I was, I was so excited to me. By the way, in Declan's defence, he was like a nineteen, twenty year old kid, and I was so overawed with meeting him. But I, I, I, my thing is, I will tell the person what I think and how great they are, if I think they're a truly brilliant person, I'll go, no, I think you're fucking amazing. Like, thank you for this, or well done for, you know, or whatever. And that's how I compensate. Whereas I think you compensate, yours is a better way of doing it, cause I think you're,

• 24:45Speaker 01

  you ha, you handle it in a more aloof way that people go, oh fucking hell, he's, he's a cool character, even though I think you're probably going through the same sentiment.

• 24:51Speaker 00

  But if like, somebody, uh, ever, like, sometimes people like to be told that somebody's a fan of theirs, right? So they're getting that from, from you, whereas they're not getting that from me?

• 25:02Speaker 01

  No, but I think that's that's the difference between is that I think that then you maintain a place of being like if you met Declan, but like even though he's just been one of the most instrumental people in in winning you the league and and is now gonna be an Arsenal fucking legend. And you have met Dick, I know you've met, you know, if you were to see him, it would, I think you'll be an even keel. Where I would still be, he's this and I'm a.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  Well, he'd be, he'd, he'd not wanna say hello to you now, would he?

• 25:27Speaker 01

  I, I think you'd still be sweet.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  I don't think you'd spend any time talking to me. He'd go, he, this would be what would happen if he walked in and sees both. He'd go, hi Declan, he'd go, hi man, how are you, you alright? Hey, Rom, and that would be it. That's what I think would happen.

• 25:44Speaker 00

  I don't think so.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  And I'd just sort of go. And then have to sort of go over and chat to, you know, make a fucking fool of myself in front of Gabrielle or Ciliva or something like that.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, anyway, the point is, I'm not gonna invite you to the next Arsenal event.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  My, hi guys, my question is, do your kids ever do anything where you don't know whether to laugh or be terrified of the small human you created? For example, this is drawing my six year old Matilda did when she woke up. It's her ripping a mallard apart with her bare hands because, I quote, she's angry about ducks. In, in case there was any doubt, she's clearly labelled the duck severed body parts.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Should I consider therapy for my child? Love the pod, I never miss an episode. Well, I would suggest you miss a couple. Uh, Helen Farmer, the concern koala, let's have a look at the picture.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Oh wow, that's a rhyme by the way. Helen Farmer, the concern koala. Oh, you know what? That's a great picture.

• 26:36Speaker 00

  It's not just feet and a head, is it? Where's the rest of it? I'd be more concerned about her lack of understanding of anatomy, really.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  She's six.

• 26:45Speaker 00

  Uh, I don't think that is something to be frightened of, I think it's hilarious.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  I think it's really creative.

• 26:48Speaker 00

  I think it's funny.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  I think it shows.

• 26:50Speaker 00

  I think it's really funny. Yeah, it's good. My kids are always drawing stuff like, uh, people being beheaded and stuff like that.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  Grace constantly draws me being pooed on, that's the thing at the moment.

• 26:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, and like, um, Charlie, our youngest, often draws a picture of, of me dead and he's standing on top of my body and he's like, got my head like this and he's like, fuck you daddy. It's that funny, isn't it?

• 27:12Speaker 01

  I'll be worried about it.

• 27:12Speaker 00

  It's funny.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:13Speaker 00

  And, uh.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  You should get that tattooed on your leg.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, and it's just funny, it's good times.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  I don't think there's anything dark about it. Please can daddy have a kiss? Shall we show her one of his pictures? And then I say to him, what's this picture? And he says, oh, the title's on the back and it says, my wish is made true.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Then he de-bags you in front of the whole of the school.

• 27:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. Uh, anyway, that is the end. He doesn't, by the way, just to be clear, he doesn't do anything.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  No, no, no, but I wanted you to see where you were gonna take that.

• 27:46Speaker 00

  Thank you so much. Thank you so.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Wait, you became me, meeting Declan Rice at the end there.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  Thank you so much for sending all your emails in. If you want to get in touch, you can get email.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  [email protected].

• 28:00Speaker 00

  That's where you get them in. See you next time.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  Any pictures are welcome.

• 28:08Speaker 03

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• 28:39Speaker 04

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