Pod Insights Wolf & Owl with Romesh Ranganathan and Tom Davis Piers Morgan, Percy Pigs and Gladiators About this episode What does Romesh have in common with Piers Morgan? What offers has Tom been getting in his DMs? Can you guess who Tom’s style icon is? It’s time for another trip on this little rollercoaster that we call the Wolf & Owl, grab a mug (with or without handle), some hayfever tablets and strap in.
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Chapters:
00:00 Intro01:01 Style icons03:56 Gladiators & Only Fans06:25 Kissing07:40 Sweet Jon09:11 Going public14:52 Edge Lord16:38 Rough and tumble30:55 Tattoos35:10 Russell Brand and Piers Morgan38:33 Lord Of The Rings40:22 Pollen43:08 Carpet
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Transcript 10,019 words · 6 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Oh, hello there. It's time for another trip on this little roller coaster that we call The Wolf and the Owl.
0:09 Speaker 01 The Wolf and Owl.
0:10 Speaker 00 I've got a little.
0:12 Speaker 01 Wow.
0:12 Speaker 00 Espresso.
0:13 Speaker 01 Is that the mug you brought in yourself or?
0:15 Speaker 00 No, he's sitting opposite me.
0:19 Speaker 00 No, I asked for an espresso and they gave me this. It's a little egg cup.
0:22 Speaker 01 It's, I like those sorts of, I like the cup. How do you feel about cups without handles?
0:26 Speaker 00 Well, I like it. I, I sort of feel like I'm really engaged with the drink.
0:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:31 Speaker 00 You know, it, you know, like when people make, take ages to make a cup of tea, like a special tea and then they sit there. That's what I feel like with it.
0:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's, you, you love it because it's also colour coded to your whole outfit.
0:41 Speaker 00 Yeah.
0:41 Speaker 01 The green. I love the idea that the studio here have just got whatever colours you're wearing. They've got a mug.
0:46 Speaker 00 They've got twenty seven of these.
0:48 Speaker 01 Yeah. You're wearing a lot of green now.
0:50 Speaker 00 There's a brown one in case.
0:52 Speaker 01 You're on top there.
1:09 Speaker 01 You're wearing a lot of green these days, like Robin Hood kind of vibe.
1:12 Speaker 00 You're wearing a lot of blue these days.
1:14 Speaker 01 Today I'm wearing blue.
1:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:15 Speaker 01 I, yeah.
1:16 Speaker 00 I'm a big fan of that Adam Buxton hat you've got on.
1:18 Speaker 01 Adam Buck, how dare you. I mean, I love Adam Buxton. This is an Ian Wright hat. Ian Wright is my style icon.
1:25 Speaker 00 You can't, you can't decide what people say your hat reminds them of, okay?
1:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you know what's really sad is this is jet, this is like an Ian, actually Ian Wright's design of a hat.
1:35 Speaker 00 Right, okay.
1:35 Speaker 01 Also Ian Wright is, Ian Wright for me is the person who wore it. I was like, wow, that's the guy I'm gonna follow.
1:41 Speaker 00 Okay.
1:41 Speaker 01 Do you, who's your style?
1:42 Speaker 00 I didn't know you didn't like Adam Buxton.
1:43 Speaker 01 I love Adam Buxton. I'm just saying, Adam Buxton's a lot of things. One of my favourite comedians, Adam and Joe Show, hilarious, great, you know, one of the fa- founding figures of British podcasting.
1:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:53 Speaker 01 A hilarious guy, never.
1:54 Speaker 00 One of the genius?
1:56 Speaker 01 Uh, I think we throw away, we ran the word genius.
1:58 Speaker 00 Well, you say about anyone that emails, so.
2:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I think we've had some genial emails in.
2:04 Speaker 00 Genial is not the word.
2:07 Speaker 00 You're looking for.
2:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I, I, I, I think we've got to be, we've got to be careful.
2:10 Speaker 00 We've got to be careful. So Adam Buxton, not a genius, you don't like his style.
2:13 Speaker 01 I know, I think I love his style.
2:14 Speaker 00 Well, I'm just summarising what you've said so far.
2:16 Speaker 01 I, I, I like Adam Buxton. I think he's hilarious. I think he's very funny.
2:19 Speaker 00 Did you say Anton Buxton?
2:22 Speaker 01 By the way, I think he'd have got further with a name like Anton Buxton. Adam Buxton is a guy that I'd, I'd travel to watch.
2:29 Speaker 00 I thought it was like if Dec had been replaced by a guy called Buxton.
2:33 Speaker 01 Adam Buxton. I love that idea. It's so sad that Dec is leaving.
2:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, but we've got good news.
2:40 Speaker 01 Buxton Harris is coming in.
2:43 Speaker 00 It's Adam Buxton.
2:45 Speaker 01 But he's not a Geordie.
2:46 Speaker 00 No.
2:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just got a.
2:48 Speaker 00 Jamaican.
2:51 Speaker 01 How would he sound?
2:52 Speaker 00 Huh? I don't.
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3:55 Speaker 01 But Adam Buxton's a nervous.
3:56 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. I mean, by the way, I know.
3:58 Speaker 01 But I will say Ian Wright.
3:59 Speaker 00 I know Ian Wright's your style like.
4:01 Speaker 01 I adore Ian Wright's style. I think Ian Wright has got it right. I mean, yeah. Actually, that's what.
4:07 Speaker 00 No, don't, just move on because you're about to get excited about the fact you used the word right.
4:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, but, yeah, he, I.
4:15 Speaker 00 He would wear this outfit, wouldn't he?
4:17 Speaker 01 I'm not even lying. I watch what Ian Wright wears on the overlap.
4:19 Speaker 00 Right.
4:20 Speaker 01 What he wears day to day.
4:21 Speaker 00 Yeah.
4:21 Speaker 01 And I'm like, that, that's a look.
4:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
4:23 Speaker 01 You, you, you, you're busting streetwear, but it's still, it still represents well of a person of our age.
4:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, I like it. Yeah. Who would you say your style like?
4:32 Speaker 00 I don't have one.
4:33 Speaker 01 Wow, wow.
4:35 Speaker 00 What I mean is. I should have one.
4:37 Speaker 01 No, I don't think you do.
4:38 Speaker 00 No, but it's good to, it's good to sort of try and emulate something, isn't it? No, it's not good to, but what I mean is, it's good to have influences, I guess.
4:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
4:47 Speaker 00 I read that book Steel Like An Artist, have you read that book?
4:50 Speaker 01 No, no, I always, you always ask me this and the questions, the answers are always the same.
4:55 Speaker 00 Sorry.
4:55 Speaker 01 Have you read this book?
4:56 Speaker 00 Let me say something more later, but I checked out this OnlyFans account. Have you seen it?
5:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, she's married to the Gladiator now.
5:05 Speaker 00 Oh my goodness.
5:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:07 Speaker 00 Let's talk about that.
5:08 Speaker 01 I, I feel quite, yeah, because I met this guy at the Royal Variety.
5:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:13 Speaker 01 It seems insane that he's been let go, he's, the reason he's been let go from Gladiator, is that Gladiator?
5:20 Speaker 00 Well, what I'd love to do is for us to talk at length about this without all the facts, so let's do it. So my, my.
5:25 Speaker 01 Why would we change the fact that we've been doing that on this podcast?
5:28 Speaker 00 My understanding is, I think this cup is making me talk differently.
5:32 Speaker 01 I like it.
5:33 Speaker 00 I feel like I'm being more considered and sort of.
5:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, you are.
5:37 Speaker 00 I feel like I'm on the fucking South Bank Show topical, but you know, like.
5:41 Speaker 01 You're like, you've got, is it Melvin Bragg?
5:43 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:45 Speaker 00 So, um, listen.
5:47 Speaker 01 That's then Bragg would have been another.
5:49 Speaker 00 Gladiators, uh, so my understanding.
5:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:52 Speaker 00 Is that, so you know he's married, right?
5:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know that, yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:56 Speaker 00 So he was, he was married, split up.
5:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:00 Speaker 00 Got with this girl, whose name I don't know. Um, and then she's on OnlyFans.
6:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:06 Speaker 00 But they hadn't gone public with their relationship for whatever reason. And then he said to the B, I don't, when they say he spoke to the BBC, you've worked on BBC, you don't speak to the, you don't.
6:17 Speaker 01 No.
6:17 Speaker 00 Go, let, can I, sorry, before I go on, can I have a quick chat with the BBC, please? Is it okay to have a chat with the BBC?
6:23 Speaker 01 The idea of you calling John Petrie to say that you're going out with an OnlyFans model.
6:28 Speaker 00 He spoke to the uh production company.
6:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:31 Speaker 00 And they, I don't think they let him go. They have not renewed his contract.
6:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:35 Speaker 00 So that's not.
6:36 Speaker 01 So so hold on.
6:36 Speaker 00 So I don't think he's got any legal grounds.
6:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:40 Speaker 00 Because you're not being fired, you've not just not.
6:41 Speaker 01 But he was like, well, I mean, I don't really, I've not, I've watched a bit of the Gladiators, the rerun.
6:45 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:46 Speaker 01 The the new one and and quite enjoy it.
6:48 Speaker 00 The reboot.
6:49 Speaker 01 Um.
6:49 Speaker 00 The new new Earth.
6:50 Speaker 01 Yes, um.
6:52 Speaker 00 Endgame.
6:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, but he's one of their big faces, right? He's what he was a.
6:55 Speaker 00 I don't know. I don't know how they analyse which ones are popular and which ones aren't. I don't know.
6:59 Speaker 01 Well, the economy, I mean, because I think if he was popular, popular, they're not getting rid of him on a basis. He's.
7:04 Speaker 00 Well, well, he's sort of gone on all the chat, they've gone on all the chat shows now, haven't they?
7:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:08 Speaker 00 Okay, what's your problem?
7:09 Speaker 01 I just find like that is like, like, I I look divorced and splitting up with someone's pretty hard, right?
7:16 Speaker 00 I mean, but as we both know.
7:18 Speaker 01 Have a bit of.
7:19 Speaker 00 Currently, we haven't gone public about this, but we're both currently.
7:22 Speaker 01 Living together.
7:24 Speaker 00 Yeah. I you know that, yeah, we should, actually, that a lot of people sort of been mentioning this clip.
7:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, that that's.
7:30 Speaker 00 We sort of about wanting to kiss each other.
7:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, we didn't talk about wanting to kiss kiss each other.
7:34 Speaker 00 Oh, no, we didn't. Why did I say, oh, my god?
7:35 Speaker 01 Well, you.
7:36 Speaker 00 No, do you know what? Can I tell you why I said that?
7:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:38 Speaker 00 Because you said you you said you really wanted to kiss a boy and then corrected yourself and said, man.
7:42 Speaker 01 You basically described.
7:43 Speaker 00 I said I fancied a guy on a train.
7:44 Speaker 01 A more ripped version of me.
7:46 Speaker 00 Well, not even you're pretty ripped. Um, anyway, then it seemed obvious to me that if we wanted to kiss a guy, we should have kissed each other.
7:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:54 Speaker 00 And now it's I've I've brought it up again.
7:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:56 Speaker 00 But what I'm saying.
7:57 Speaker 01 That would be the viral clip.
7:58 Speaker 00 Yeah.
7:59 Speaker 01 Me and you just French kissing.
8:00 Speaker 00 The point is, I think probably if you split up with Cat and I split up with Lisa, we'd probably end up together, I imagine.
8:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:07 Speaker 00 It's the most likely outcome.
8:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Certainly, I think we'd start living together and then sort of slowly sort of feelings would grow.
8:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, you'd start off as friends.
8:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:15 Speaker 00 And then you just, and then one night.
8:17 Speaker 01 It's a big thunderstorm.
8:18 Speaker 00 Yeah, one night, it's, yeah, we're getting co- we're cozying in.
8:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:21 Speaker 00 And then we go, shall we?
8:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're scared of the thunder. You're like Ted.
8:26 Speaker 00 And then we're all cuddled up together and then I sort of lean across and maybe kiss. I I'm like nuzzled, I imagine I'm nuzzled up against you.
8:31 Speaker 01 I'm smelling your hair.
8:32 Speaker 00 Yeah, and then I sort of kiss you on the cheek.
8:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:35 Speaker 00 Guys from.
8:35 Speaker 01 And I'll go, what are you doing? Why so formal?
8:41 Speaker 00 So anyway, we're talking about Giant.
8:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, so.
8:43 Speaker 00 Speaking of men, we'd like to nuzzle up to him.
8:45 Speaker 01 He wouldn't be my type, but anyway. I, I think, I think it's a bit harsh on the, um, what's great as well, we've got John, who's a big Gladiator fan.
8:53 Speaker 00 Fucking hell's going on here? He's obviously very angry that we're talking about Giant. He's wandering across the back of the room, he's throwing fucking lens caps all over the shop.
9:00 Speaker 01 We've talked about some stuff on here that can be deemed as slightly controversial.
9:03 Speaker 00 Yeah, but this is, who knew that this would be the thing that would finally get to John?
9:07 Speaker 01 He's obviously such a big Gladiators fan. He's booted the table.
9:10 Speaker 00 Just fucking keep your views to yourself.
9:12 Speaker 01 His texts are going off, so he's obviously on his incel.
9:14 Speaker 00 It was like this when we were talking about the hotel project.
9:16 Speaker 01 He's obviously on his incel Gladiator group going off. I've got to say, saying, this pair of pricks are laying it in a giant now.
9:22 Speaker 00 Guys, can we, can we get on this early doors? Get on the socials? Let's try and preempt this.
9:27 Speaker 01 I'll try and cut it out. Um, what I found, I just found it a bit like, she's clearly upset the, the ex-wife by it. And I think there's an element to me of being like, like, you know, quite why he's felt the need with his new girlfriend. And look, by the way, I, I should be quite transparent. I, me and Giant chat, I've met, I've met him a couple of times. I think he's a nice chap. I've always got a lot of him.
9:48 Speaker 00 It's good to declare your business interests before we start getting into it.
9:51 Speaker 01 We were trying actually weird to get him as a managerial athlete, which is synonymous with managerial success story. It's that we've now sponsored a Gladiator who's not a Gladiator, he's just a big chap who's going out on the OnlyFans model. Um, so evidently by the looks of things, we're probably getting into the porn business. Um, but, um.
10:09 Speaker 00 I'd love to see, I would love to see a fucking Bakaki scene where just before they start, they hydrate with watermelon.
10:18 Speaker 01 Oh God, I feel quite light headed. What you need is a Manchurian ice. I can go again. Um, yeah, but so I, I, I slightly feel, I don't know quite what the reason is that they've, they felt the need.
10:31 Speaker 00 Well, I think it's fairly obvious, isn't it? It's like they, uh, the relationship didn't feel official yet.
10:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:36 Speaker 00 And also I think sometimes when you think something's going to be a problem, it makes you lean, it makes you lean further into it.
10:43 Speaker 01 Of course.
10:43 Speaker 00 So, so he might've had a conversation with me going, well, whatever you do, don't go, I would keep that to yourself if I was you because. And then he's gone, well, fuck you. He's had a chat with his other half. She's gone, it's made her feel a cer- I'm hypothesising, made her feel a certain way because she's doing a legitimate job. And then. They've decided to like double down.
11:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:05 Speaker 00 They wouldn't surprise me.
11:06 Speaker 01 Also, but I don't, because I don't see that. I think the, the truth is like, you've got a divorce, you're moving on. I don't think there's a problem with that. I don't even think, to be fair, there's, there should be a problem with the fact he's seen an OnlyFans model. I don't think that that's. I, I don't see why that's a problem.
11:19 Speaker 00 No, but okay, uh, but can I just play devil's advocate here?
11:23 Speaker 01 That's, that's why we're here, baby.
11:24 Speaker 00 So.
11:25 Speaker 01 Can't be a one way street, baby.
11:27 Speaker 00 No, you can't have the wolf without the hour. Well, you can actually, he's on tour right now and it's a great show. Anyway. Um. If Gladiators is a family show.
11:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:37 Speaker 00 Okay.
11:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:38 Speaker 00 And then a kid is watching Gladiators.
11:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:42 Speaker 00 And says, I love Giant, right?
11:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:45 Speaker 00 Goes on to Instagram.
11:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:47 Speaker 00 Has a look at Giant's account and says, oh, who's that with Giant? Oh, that's his girlfriend. Clicks on that and then all of a sudden she's playing the piano in her undies. I imagine, I haven't checked her account out, but.
11:57 Speaker 01 Well, yeah, that's, that's, that is her signature move. Um, yeah, can I just then double down on this?
12:03 Speaker 00 I'd love it to.
12:04 Speaker 01 So firstly.
12:05 Speaker 00 So I play devil's advocate, now you're doubling down.
12:07 Speaker 01 No, I'm playing the angel's wings. Um, so, uh, so so to speak, right? Number one, if he's still with Gladiators.
12:14 Speaker 00 Where did so, what's so to speak got to do with that?
12:16 Speaker 01 I don't know. I, I think it, I just think it sounded good.
12:19 Speaker 00 So to speak, it genuinely sound like you're about to start talking about a rapper or something called So To Speak. Why, why did you say so to speak there?
12:27 Speaker 01 I've got no idea.
12:28 Speaker 00 Okay, go on.
12:28 Speaker 01 I've got no idea where any of this stuff comes from.
12:30 Speaker 00 Okay, fine, fine.
12:30 Speaker 01 But I think that.
12:31 Speaker 00 That's why you're such a genius.
12:32 Speaker 01 I think firstly, I think.
12:34 Speaker 00 There you go, firstly, what?
12:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think Ju, the Giant, if you look at his thing, never ever really posted about his family anyway.
12:40 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:40 Speaker 01 In his.
12:41 Speaker 00 I didn't know he was married.
12:42 Speaker 01 So yeah, exactly. Cause he posts about being giant in Gladiators. So I don't think he'd have shared any of his personal details. About his new girlfriend, unless that would have become a thing that he's then gonna constantly fuel. Through, you know, Instagram. But if he, if he's, if he's gone, look, I'm going out with an OnlyFans woman. This is a very serious relationship for me, but I'm not. Gonna be posting about it. It's not something that is gonna be public knowledge or I'm not gonna make it overly, you know, it's not gonna be, I'm not gonna be in her videos. I'm not. You know, gonna be posting all the time about it. I'm still gonna keep, you know, this is, look at wrestlers, WWF, WWE for years.
13:15 Speaker 00 Hmm.
13:15 Speaker 01 They were like, some of the shit they would get up to. Have you, yeah, I mean, have you watched the Hulk Hogan documentary?
13:20 Speaker 00 Not yet, no.
13:21 Speaker 01 Wish.
13:22 Speaker 00 Weesh.
13:23 Speaker 01 That's a, that's a ride.
13:25 Speaker 00 Um, I think you're right. Actually, that's the point he made. If I can play, um, Angels Wings.
13:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:31 Speaker 00 For a second.
13:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, throw your cards.
13:33 Speaker 00 He said Giant is a character, it's not him. His name's Jamie, isn't it?
13:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't know how to call him Giant, but yeah.
13:39 Speaker 00 Okay.
13:39 Speaker 01 Which is quite weird.
13:40 Speaker 00 You said you speak to him?
13:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:43 Speaker 00 So if you, if you're down the pub with him.
13:45 Speaker 01 I thought I'd go to the pub with him, but we chat a lot, yeah.
13:47 Speaker 00 Yeah. And then what do you say? Hey Giant?
13:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:50 Speaker 00 Okay.
13:51 Speaker 01 I don't know his real name. He didn't introduce himself.
13:52 Speaker 00 All right. I would just not, I would not say anything.
13:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, but.
13:55 Speaker 00 Anyway, his name's Jamie, I believe.
13:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:57 Speaker 00 Um, he's saying that there's Jamie and then there's Giant. Giant is not going out with an AnyFans model.
14:03 Speaker 01 No.
14:03 Speaker 00 Giant is.
14:04 Speaker 01 Probably asexual.
14:04 Speaker 00 Asexual, yeah. I, I, I, I think what they need to do is introduce a mythology to Gladiators. Where like, a giant is in a field somewhere.
14:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:13 Speaker 00 Just fucking.
14:14 Speaker 01 Like a cow eating grass.
14:15 Speaker 00 Eat, no, eating gazelle.
14:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:17 Speaker 00 Just like, like a fucking prowling the savanna or whatever. Just killing animals and eating them. And then suddenly.
14:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, but then.
14:23 Speaker 00 There's a foghorn in the distance and it's the call to come to Gladiators.
14:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean.
14:28 Speaker 00 That would be sick.
14:28 Speaker 01 It would be sick, but not for vegans.
14:31 Speaker 00 No, but he's in the, he's in the world, isn't he?
14:33 Speaker 01 I just think he should, and also.
14:34 Speaker 00 When he comes down a beanstalk.
14:36 Speaker 01 Or he's just living under a, like a bridge, a patrol.
14:39 Speaker 00 Yes, that's.
14:40 Speaker 01 Picking his toenails.
14:41 Speaker 00 Suitably dehumanising, yeah.
14:43 Speaker 01 No, but.
14:44 Speaker 00 What are the others called? Saber?
14:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:46 Speaker 00 Saber, isn't there?
14:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:48 Speaker 00 Are those the only two I know?
14:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't, this is the thing, I've not got to.
14:51 Speaker 00 Apollo? I think Apollo's on.
14:52 Speaker 01 I can tell you the, all the old school ones.
14:54 Speaker 00 Yeah.
14:54 Speaker 01 But some of them were flawed human beings.
14:57 Speaker 00 I, um, I filmed with Jet once.
15:01 Speaker 01 Wow.
15:02 Speaker 00 You remember Jet?
15:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:04 Speaker 00 Jet was the one that everyone fancied, right?
15:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:06 Speaker 00 So.
15:07 Speaker 01 Really, I used to, I was into Lightning.
15:09 Speaker 00 Okay, well, that's not weird.
15:10 Speaker 01 No, I just, everyone was into Jet.
15:12 Speaker 00 What's weird is that you've taken a compliment and sort of made it into an insult.
15:15 Speaker 01 No, but.
15:16 Speaker 00 So Li- Lightning, if Lightning is a massive Wolf on Alpha.
15:19 Speaker 01 No, but I was like, like.
15:20 Speaker 00 Just listens to this, oh, I got a mention there. Weirdly, I, I was into Lightning. Oh, cool.
15:25 Speaker 01 No, but everyone was so obsessed with Jet.
15:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, they were.
15:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:28 Speaker 00 Very obsessed with.
15:29 Speaker 01 And I remember at the time, it was very sort of like, uh, controversial if you didn't fancy Jet.
15:34 Speaker 00 I don't think it was controversial if you didn't fancy Jet.
15:36 Speaker 01 No, but I remember saying I fancy Lightning.
15:38 Speaker 00 How much controversy was there at your school?
15:45 Speaker 01 There goes that tall boy who fancies lightning.
15:48 Speaker 00 There goes the fucking edgelord right now. Although, you know what? Edgelord, Theo's telling me I can't say edgelord anymore.
15:54 Speaker 01 Why?
15:55 Speaker 00 So what do you think edgelord means?
15:57 Speaker 01 Well, it's your edgy, right?
15:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's not what it means anymore. It means you're into edging.
16:01 Speaker 01 What's edging? What, the gardening term edging?
16:03 Speaker 00 No.
16:03 Speaker 01 Okay.
16:04 Speaker 00 Edging is, uh, can we look this up to double check? But I'm pretty sure it's taking itself up to the brink of climax with that actually.
16:11 Speaker 01 How does?
16:13 Speaker 00 John's nodding.
16:14 Speaker 01 Who told you this?
16:15 Speaker 00 Pardon?
16:16 Speaker 01 Who told you this?
16:16 Speaker 00 Theo told me.
16:17 Speaker 01 Theo?
16:18 Speaker 00 Yeah.
16:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, how did? I mean, this is, this is when we're old now. We're officially old. I didn't know that. Did you know that was what edging was?
16:25 Speaker 00 Listen, if you think I've ever taken myself to the brink. Without crossing the line.
16:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know you're safe control.
16:39 Speaker 01 I've seen you on the tube and I'm going to run up the escalators to finish yourself off.
16:45 Speaker 00 Um.
16:46 Speaker 01 Wow, so that's the thing now. That's what an edgelord. And also, imagine calling yourself the edgelord.
16:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, but, um, anyway.
16:52 Speaker 01 Wow.
16:54 Speaker 00 And what we sort of, we've really fucking gone around the houses, have we? We ended up talking about edging.
16:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I didn't even know that was a thing.
16:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, it is a thing. Like, he just said to me, don't say edgelord anymore.
17:03 Speaker 01 Wow.
17:04 Speaker 00 We didn't say, he's not instructional. He just said to me, I'm just letting you know.
17:08 Speaker 01 Be wary.
17:08 Speaker 00 You think edgelord means this, but you, if you say it.
17:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, be careful, dad.
17:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:13 Speaker 01 You're playing with, yeah, you're, you've done.
17:14 Speaker 00 He's basically, he's like telling some, this fucking idiot in his house.
17:18 Speaker 01 Well, no, it's like how we used to say to our, you know, like our grandparents when they used the word gay.
17:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
17:23 Speaker 01 And that changed, right?
17:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:24 Speaker 01 You know, it's sort of all of a sudden, we're those, we're the old.
17:27 Speaker 00 No, because I remember you stopped using it, what, twenty nineteen, twenty twenty, didn't you?
17:30 Speaker 01 What, gay?
17:31 Speaker 00 Gay as an insult.
17:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, as an insult.
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18:39 Speaker 01 By the way, my gay following has gone crazy since...
18:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, look, I don't think we should go into detail.
18:45 Speaker 01 No.
18:45 Speaker 00 But can you give us... Because we were talking about this before we started.
18:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:49 Speaker 00 So, I think...
18:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:52 Speaker 00 I think you're an attractive man, full stop. But I think...
18:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:57 Speaker 00 If you were gay, I think you would mop up.
19:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think evidently that would be my...
19:02 Speaker 00 Or somebody would have to mop up.
19:02 Speaker 01 I've never ever had and quite happily so. You know, my, very much like the giant from Gladiators, my sort of, my world has almost been, you know, lovely comments, nice people. All of a sudden, since the cliques come out of me and you talking about kissing, I've had a lot of offers.
19:17 Speaker 00 About kissing each other?
19:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:18 Speaker 00 So what...
19:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, just kissing a guy. I've had a lot of people have said, like, I'm happy to be, happy to have that kiss. And some of them have, if I'm going to be quite honest with you, some of them have gone well beyond that, as I've shown you.
19:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, I mean, look, we're not going to name names, but somebody suggested, you know, wanking you off.
19:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've had that. I've also had some of the... Someone messaged me saying if if I want a very discreet place to um have a conversation and sort of like.
19:46 Speaker 00 When they say conversation, fuck, right?
19:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think so, yeah.
19:48 Speaker 00 So, what like, I I mean, if you, I know you're not gonna do it.
19:53 Speaker 01 No, no, I won't again. That's quite weird.
19:55 Speaker 00 But if you did do it, it's just, I always feel, what I find fascinating about that sort of scenario is getting into it.
20:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:03 Speaker 00 So you go meet this guy at a pub or so, or I guess you'd meet at his flat when you want to be seen public.
20:07 Speaker 01 Well, I wouldn't go straight to his flat. I mean, I'm a.
20:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, but what, but.
20:10 Speaker 01 A thirsty gentleman, but I don't think I'd I'd go.
20:13 Speaker 00 Okay, let's think about, let's let's imagine, I just wanna imagine for a second that you decide to do this, right?
20:17 Speaker 01 Right, like, number one, there should have to be a situation where, you know, that if I was single hypothetically, right, and this came up, I I wouldn't go.
20:26 Speaker 00 Okay, Jesus Christ, look, we're not, I'm not saying you're about to cheat on Cat. Will you fucking, just calm down?
20:32 Speaker 01 No, no, but I'm just saying to you that if if this this this happened, my first port of call wouldn't be going to someone's flat. I think I'd I'd I'd think a little bit, I'd I'd wanna meet them and have a.
20:42 Speaker 00 Okay.
20:43 Speaker 01 A like, cut up for a nice bit of food, curry or something.
20:44 Speaker 00 But we're not talking about you split up with Cat and then you decide that you're gonna go out with a guy. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about, I'm talking about hypothesising.
20:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
20:53 Speaker 00 That right now, in this moment, you think to yourself, do you know what? I am gonna do a bit of experimenting. And let's imagine, for the sake of your conscience, you talk to Cat about it and Cat goes, do you know what?
21:03 Speaker 01 Go for it.
21:04 Speaker 00 Go for it.
21:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, I think it's good for you.
21:06 Speaker 01 I've always thought, yeah, yeah.
21:07 Speaker 00 I think it'd be a good thing.
21:08 Speaker 01 I've told you for ages to have a hobby.
21:10 Speaker 00 Yeah, this would be, it'd be, it'd be great for somebody else to take this on.
21:14 Speaker 01 Can he take on something in your neurosis, some of the fucking anxiety?
21:17 Speaker 00 So you, you messaged a guy.
21:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:21 Speaker 00 What would the message say?
21:22 Speaker 01 I'd probably be like, hey, hey, hey, friend, um, thanks for reaching out, um, I've thought about your offer. Uh, would you like to meet sort of for a coffee or a drink, um, and sort of see how we get on?
21:33 Speaker 00 Okay.
21:33 Speaker 01 I wouldn't go, let's go to your flat.
21:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, but what are you trying to get out of this? In this type of.
21:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, but even if, even if I'm looking.
21:40 Speaker 00 But you just, you're just.
21:40 Speaker 01 Even if hypothetically, I'm looking for that kiss.
21:42 Speaker 00 Right.
21:43 Speaker 01 I'm having it like, thinking, oh, you know, let's have a little bit of a rough and tumble, right? Um.
21:51 Speaker 01 I'm not, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go straight to their flat.
21:54 Speaker 00 No.
21:54 Speaker 01 Cause I, I just think, I, I, I, I don't know, I think a little bit more myself than just, I'd like to get to know the person.
22:00 Speaker 00 Why do you wanna get to know, sorry, I, I, I'm.
22:02 Speaker 01 So what, would you just slut it up? Would you just turn around?
22:05 Speaker 00 I think if you, if, if I was like, if, if I, by the way, to be crystal clear, I've had no messages like that.
22:15 Speaker 00 Let's just get that out there. So e- even if I wanted to, the opportunity's not there.
22:19 Speaker 01 No, but I think we could probably get you along for the ride. If, if I went, if I, if I.
22:25 Speaker 00 Imagine being a guy that's like, a guy that's been into, into you, and you're thinking, fucking hell, finally, there's a signal here. That I could actually, this is, this is so mad. It's like, I never thought in a million years that a married, that I could, this married man that I've had a thing for. Potentially something could happen. And then you get, you get, you get a message from the object of your affections. He goes, hey friend. I've taken you up on your offer. And then I turn up as well.
22:54 Speaker 01 Hello mate, room for a kid laugh?
22:57 Speaker 00 No, I don't have to get involved. I just wanted to watch, see what the logistics are.
23:05 Speaker 01 In for a penny, in for a pound.
23:07 Speaker 00 Just interesting to see how it might be done. I'll be very quiet. You might hear some shallow breathing at some stages.
23:15 Speaker 01 Mate, the idea of having like your first homosexual experience, sort of quite getting into it and then it calling.
23:23 Speaker 00 Don't worry, I won't make a mess. I'm a bit of an edgelord.
23:31 Speaker 00 So you meet up with the guy, but, but, okay, so in answer to your question, if it was me.
23:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:37 Speaker 00 I would see this as just a hit and run.
23:40 Speaker 01 But you, so you just go for the hit and run?
23:42 Speaker 00 I think so. I mean, the part of the problem is.
23:45 Speaker 01 Like you're looking at more like a prostitute, like it's a transitional thing.
23:48 Speaker 00 Like a prostitute? Fucking hell, Tom. When did I say I see it like a prostitute?
23:53 Speaker 01 No, you know, it's more transitional.
23:54 Speaker 00 No, it's not transitional either. Transactional is the word you're looking for.
24:01 Speaker 01 Well, it's a transition from one, yeah.
24:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, from what?
24:07 Speaker 01 From one side to the other.
24:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, I mean, that, okay, that's true. When you leave the room, you're transitioning to the door, are you?
24:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:13 Speaker 00 Anyway, the point is.
24:14 Speaker 01 You just wanna go in.
24:15 Speaker 00 No, but I think that's what, that's what the other per, I mean, if the other person wants to meet up for a, I'm not gonna go, no, I just wanna fuck.
24:22 Speaker 01 I, I'd probably need a little bit of romance and a little bit of a, a feeling, a bond. I need to know that there's something else.
24:28 Speaker 00 Quite sweet, that's very sweet.
24:29 Speaker 01 If there's, I, I, I don't think I could just be like, let's just, let's just go, like, I'd feel so on edge just knocking on the door.
24:34 Speaker 00 Are you not nervous that if you're happily married?
24:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:37 Speaker 00 And then if you get to know this person, then suddenly you might be opening, you know, you're, you're, I'd actually say you're rolling the dice more than if you just had sex.
24:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, but then I just don't think me turning up sort of randomly at the door, like a sort of like.
24:49 Speaker 00 I don't think you don't, I wouldn't warm myself up before he's answered the door.
24:53 Speaker 01 Maybe just turning up and going, right, let's get down to it then.
24:55 Speaker 00 Well, you're not gonna, you're gonna have a fucking, you're not gonna just wander in and start kissing him straight away, like, I think, by the way, you're giving yourself a lot of credit there if you even think you've got that in the locker.
25:04 Speaker 01 No, I don't think I have.
25:05 Speaker 00 I imagine it would be more like sort of sitting down and going, well.
25:07 Speaker 01 No, that, yeah, but I think the other person is gonna then.
25:11 Speaker 00 They're gonna have to take the lead.
25:11 Speaker 01 They tried and practised, yeah.
25:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
25:13 Speaker 01 And then I think I'm, I'm, like, it's like playing football or anything. I feel I'm out of my depth. Don't pass me the ball.
25:18 Speaker 00 Yeah.
25:19 Speaker 01 Like, I'm like, oh shit, like, do you know what I mean?
25:21 Speaker 00 I mean, you're worried about if the same thing happens when you first played football, you come too soon.
25:27 Speaker 00 But I, I, so, so then you ease into it.
25:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:30 Speaker 00 I don't know about the getting to know the person. Not, not, not getting to know, I'm not saying be completely silent, but I'm saying meeting them at a pub first. I do think the good, the, by the way, I, I'm really deep diving into this.
25:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know.
25:41 Speaker 00 One of the, one of the big issues you've got is can you trust this person to not sell the story to the papers or something like that? I say papers, print journalism is almost dead, but I mean, like, just sort of spreading it around, is there not?
25:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, but yeah, I mean, this is a problem. Then I'd have to probably go on to like This Morning with him and Catherine, cause.
25:58 Speaker 00 You and Catherine on This Morning, having to deal with what happened. And then Catherine going, actually, it's something that I was happy to, we'd had a chat about it.
26:06 Speaker 01 Yeah. So we're all sitting there, me, Catherine and Neil Bacon, they go, that I've had the affair with.
26:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
26:15 Speaker 01 I've given the guy an alias, it's not real, the guy's been getting called Neil Bacon.
26:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay, weirdly, I did need clarifying, the guy's not called Neil Bacon. Um, all right, so, uh.
26:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, so, so.
26:29 Speaker 00 So you, you got, you meet for a drink?
26:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:30 Speaker 00 And then, okay, let's, let's imagine I'm Neil Bacon.
26:33 Speaker 01 Okay, cool.
26:35 Speaker 00 Um, so I'm sat down, you walk in.
26:37 Speaker 01 Uh, oh, Neil, all right.
26:39 Speaker 00 Tom, lovely to meet you, I'm Neil.
26:41 Speaker 01 Hey man, how are you, you good?
26:43 Speaker 00 You don't wanna shake my hand?
26:44 Speaker 01 I do, man, I just, it's a weird thing.
26:47 Speaker 00 All right, fine, you need to be clear about that, cause what it looked like, cause you didn't wanna shake my hand, cause you thought I was fucking.
26:51 Speaker 01 No, also, I can just feel my hands, they're really sweaty.
26:54 Speaker 00 Oh, bloody hell, yeah, they are, okay.
26:55 Speaker 01 Quite hot in this room.
26:56 Speaker 00 All right, let's try it again, um, hello.
26:58 Speaker 01 Hi, hi, uh, Neil, Neil Bacon?
27:00 Speaker 00 Yes, Tom?
27:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, Tom Davis.
27:02 Speaker 00 Yeah. I know, I know, uh, no, take a seat, please.
27:06 Speaker 01 Oh, oh, thank you, oh, good table.
27:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's a nice bar, but I come here a lot, actually.
27:12 Speaker 01 Oh, do you?
27:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
27:12 Speaker 01 Oh, you, I suppose you do this sort of stuff quite a lot.
27:15 Speaker 00 What sort of stuff?
27:16 Speaker 01 You know, meet guys, have sex with them.
27:30 Speaker 00 What do you mean by that?
27:32 Speaker 01 Well, no, you're quite confident, and I guess, like, you seem to like, yeah, you'd be very good in steering the ship to this destination, if you know what I mean.
27:40 Speaker 00 Well, no, I wasn't, I hope you don't feel manipulated.
27:42 Speaker 01 Oh, would you like a drink, by the way, Neil?
27:44 Speaker 00 Um, yeah, I'd love a, a, a pint of lager.
27:49 Speaker 01 San Miguel?
27:50 Speaker 00 Great.
27:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, two pints of San Miguel, please, um.
27:55 Speaker 00 What are you doing?
27:56 Speaker 01 Oh, I don't know if the waitress heard me, but then I realised that she did.
27:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's, it's weird, I, I, I'm not convinced that is a waitress, cause we're in a pub.
28:05 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, oh shit, okay, she doesn't work here, oh, nevertheless, um.
28:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, well, look, so to speak, what, um. How are you feeling about this whole thing?
28:14 Speaker 01 Well, I'm just a bit nervous, Neil. I've never done anything like.
28:16 Speaker 00 I'm nervous too, because I'm a huge fan.
28:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:18 Speaker 00 And I've always, I've always like, liked you.
28:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think, I think it's probably a good time now to sort of depart the sort of place for me being a comedian to sort of be.
28:28 Speaker 00 Well, you certainly not said anything funny since you sat down.
28:31 Speaker 01 To be sort of quite anxious.
28:32 Speaker 00 That transition has made.
28:33 Speaker 01 Sort of anxious about this.
28:34 Speaker 00 Yeah.
28:35 Speaker 01 I've wanted to kiss a guy for quite some time, as you know, um, but uh, this feels like this is really sort of gathering momentum. So I just wanted to get to know you and sort of like know a little bit about you.
28:45 Speaker 00 What do you need to know?
28:46 Speaker 01 What do you do for a living?
28:47 Speaker 00 Um, I am a estate agent.
28:50 Speaker 01 Oh, wow. Oh, tough old business at the moment, eh?
28:52 Speaker 00 It is a little bit, yeah. Yeah, it's, it's tough. But and a lot of people, look, don't judge. I know a lot of people sort of think estate agents are, are horrible people.
29:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:01 Speaker 00 But actually, I, be, you know, helping people is one of the reasons I got into being an estate agent.
29:06 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
29:08 Speaker 00 You know, a lot of people sort of say it's all about kind of lying about a property or whatever, but actually I see it as getting somebody into then.
29:13 Speaker 01 Have you ever had sex with someone trying to buy a house in a house, empty house?
29:19 Speaker 00 Excuse me?
29:19 Speaker 01 Have you had sex with someone looking around her house because the house is empty and you just had sex with them?
29:26 Speaker 00 Uh, well, it's sort of frowned upon, but um, so no, but um.
29:30 Speaker 01 I just wanted to sort of.
29:31 Speaker 00 Well, everything but up to the, up to the, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't.
29:36 Speaker 00 Yeah, I wouldn't, you know, it's, it's inappropriate to. Why, why do you ask that?
29:40 Speaker 01 I just always thought it'd be quite a sort of.
29:42 Speaker 00 Is that something you'd like to do?
29:43 Speaker 01 Well, what, like if I came to look at a house and you're the estate agent and, yeah, maybe, like if we get on, maybe that could be a bit of role play.
29:49 Speaker 00 Because I thought you just wanted to kiss, but.
29:55 Speaker 01 Well, I've travelled halfway across London. It'd be a shame just to have a kiss.
29:58 Speaker 00 Well, I mean, you could travel across London without fucking someone, can't you?
30:04 Speaker 01 Um, yeah, so no, I mean, I'm looking forward to the kiss, actually.
30:07 Speaker 00 Well, you're actually one of my two celebrity crushes. It's you and Ian Wright.
30:12 Speaker 01 Oh, wow, yeah, he's my star icon.
30:14 Speaker 00 He didn't reply.
30:18 Speaker 01 Yes, thanks for, thanks for sticking with me with all your replies.
30:21 Speaker 00 No problem, I'm gonna stick it on you in a bit.
30:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay. So would you be up for kissing back here or somewhere else, or?
30:27 Speaker 00 You wanna kiss here?
30:28 Speaker 01 Not in the pub, but in the toilet, maybe?
30:31 Speaker 00 In the toilet?
30:36 Speaker 01 I'll find a nice little garden somewhere, sort of like a park.
30:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, we can go kiss in the park, I mean, um.
30:43 Speaker 01 I don't really see how the girls are, they're taking forever.
30:46 Speaker 00 Um, Tom, if you don't mind me asking, you, you insisted on meeting, meeting at the pub to get to know me better. You talked to me for about a minute and now you want to go to the toilet?
30:55 Speaker 01 You know, I just.
30:59 Speaker 01 I just think I just wanna see if like, yeah, there's chemistry between us.
31:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
31:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:04 Speaker 00 And you think there is?
31:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think you're kinda, you're quite a cool guy. Yeah, I like the way you're dressed.
31:09 Speaker 00 Yeah.
31:09 Speaker 01 You know, sort of green looks nice on you. So, yeah.
31:14 Speaker 00 Okay.
31:14 Speaker 01 Quite a snotty nose, I don't know.
31:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, I don't.
31:18 Speaker 01 It's quite bad at the moment.
31:19 Speaker 00 I've got, do you want to, do you want to either take a piraton and wait an hour?
31:28 Speaker 00 Or maybe reconvene?
31:30 Speaker 01 Sorry, yeah.
31:30 Speaker 00 When the pollen levels are lower?
31:33 Speaker 01 My head's full of snot, so, yeah, I don't know.
31:35 Speaker 00 I'm gonna find it quite difficult.
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32:40 Speaker 01 My flirting game is hard. I think that's, or soft, I don't know what you call it. I'm out of practice.
32:47 Speaker 00 Your flirting game makes people soft.
32:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. It's not good, is it?
32:50 Speaker 00 Um, yeah, but I'd be worried that they were gonna, I'd really be worried that they were gonna publicise the story.
32:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:57 Speaker 00 That's the big problem.
32:58 Speaker 01 But then, yeah.
32:59 Speaker 00 If you could find a way of guaranteeing that wasn't gonna happen.
33:01 Speaker 01 What would you do? Would you get them to-
33:03 Speaker 00 I'd probably already have done it.
33:04 Speaker 01 Would you get them to sign like a-
33:06 Speaker 00 But those don't mean anything, do they? And also, what are you gonna, okay, first of all, you and I can't knock up that document ourselves.
33:12 Speaker 01 No, you have to go to a lawyer.
33:13 Speaker 00 So then you've got to go to a lawyer, and then the lawyer goes, "What do you need?" And I go, "How long would it take up a doc, to knock up a document where I go and fuck a guy in a pub toilet, but he never tells anyone?"
33:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's true.
33:22 Speaker 00 That's a tricky one, isn't it?
33:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, but also now with that, like you said, print media and sort of, he could just do a whole Instagram story about it.
33:27 Speaker 00 That's what I'm saying.
33:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:29 Speaker 00 Imagine if like, without you realising, sort of like, he's behind you and then takes a selfie.
33:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, oh my god.
33:43 Speaker 01 Oh god.
33:46 Speaker 01 Just my cat back to front.
33:47 Speaker 00 Yeah. Anyway, something to think about.
33:51 Speaker 01 It'd be worse for you because of the tattoos.
33:54 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:55 Speaker 01 Yeah. Have you got any tattoos on your back?
33:57 Speaker 00 No. Yeah, I have, actually. I've got Lisa, uh, not her face, it's the name.
34:04 Speaker 01 Yeah. What, is it a tramp stamp type thing?
34:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's just above my arse cheeks.
34:10 Speaker 01 Who's Lisa?
34:13 Speaker 01 Um, wow, fucking hell.
34:16 Speaker 00 I went out for dinner with Lisa last night.
34:18 Speaker 01 Shout out Lisa.
34:18 Speaker 00 Big shout out Lisa and um, uh, she told me that she didn't like tattoos very much.
34:24 Speaker 01 What?
34:24 Speaker 00 Yeah. She didn't say she didn't like them. She said she wasn't into tattoos. Now I've got.
34:30 Speaker 01 I was wondering, like, how, how does she, does she say that? And I'm like, oh, but I'm not really into tattoos or.
34:34 Speaker 00 No, cause basically I'm getting another couple done.
34:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:37 Speaker 00 And I'm planning on getting another hand one.
34:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:40 Speaker 00 And then I just, I, I exaggerated.
34:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:43 Speaker 00 How big the hand one was gonna be.
34:44 Speaker 01 Right.
34:45 Speaker 00 Just, just for shits and giggles.
34:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:47 Speaker 00 And then she said, don't get that. It's the first time she's ever said anything like that.
34:50 Speaker 01 Really?
34:50 Speaker 00 She goes, don't get that. And I said, oh, why? And she goes, I just don't know about hand tattoos. I go, well, do you not like this hand tattoo? And she went, yeah, it's all right.
34:58 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
35:00 Speaker 00 And then I said, what's the problem? And she's actually, she's a little bit old school in that she thinks that, she doesn't mind tattoos, but them being visible at all times.
35:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:10 Speaker 00 She's got a bit of a thing about. And then it turns out she's not really into tattoos very much at all.
35:13 Speaker 01 Wow.
35:14 Speaker 00 Then we then counted how many I've got to establish how bad the problem was. I've got twenty one.
35:19 Speaker 01 Wow.
35:20 Speaker 00 So, but she's not, she's never mentioned it before.
35:23 Speaker 01 I'm thinking of getting quite seriously, have we talked about this into the tattoo?
35:25 Speaker 00 Well, let's not make the announcement now, actually. Official announcement.
35:29 Speaker 01 Official announcement, baby.
35:30 Speaker 00 I've spoken to Paul Boxall.
35:31 Speaker 01 Shout out Paul Boxall.
35:33 Speaker 00 He's designing us a wolf now tattoo. We're gonna get matches.
35:36 Speaker 01 The matching tattoos is gonna be sick.
35:38 Speaker 00 Yeah.
35:38 Speaker 01 Where are you gonna get yours?
35:40 Speaker 00 Um, where are you gonna get yours? I was thinking, I'm probably gonna get it on this arm.
35:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm, I'm thinking probably, yeah. What is that, your left? Yeah, yeah, my left arm.
35:50 Speaker 00 Could do it like around here or something, maybe. I don't know.
35:53 Speaker 01 I'm very excited about it.
35:54 Speaker 00 Me too.
35:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:55 Speaker 00 I mean, I haven't seen the designs yet.
35:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:56 Speaker 00 We're gonna go together though, mate.
35:58 Speaker 01 It's gonna be fun. It'll be a day.
35:59 Speaker 00 Yeah. Doesn't sound like you're that excited.
36:00 Speaker 01 I'm very excited about it. Are we gonna, yeah, I'm excited. We're having some lunch.
36:05 Speaker 00 Yeah?
36:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:06 Speaker 00 Well, we'll have lunch there, cause I'm getting a load of others done as well.
36:08 Speaker 01 How many are you getting?
36:09 Speaker 00 Uh, three.
36:10 Speaker 01 So you get three in the same day? How many can you get in the same day?
36:12 Speaker 00 Depends how big the. Like so, so, I, so I got a biggie one up here, really detailed, that took the whole day.
36:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
36:21 Speaker 00 But I got like, I got all, a lot of this on done in one day. He did about three or four.
36:25 Speaker 01 Like filler sort of stuff?
36:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, like he did, let me show you, shall I show you?
36:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, let me see, I'm quite interested. Cause my thing is I don't wanna just have like a small, I'd, I'd, I'd wanna get something done, so.
36:36 Speaker 00 So, so he did like that parental advisory and then he did a Kendrick Lamar up here, but it's quite small. And then he started doing like little colouring in bits around to sort of fill up the whole space.
36:48 Speaker 01 Amazing.
36:49 Speaker 00 And we did that in one day. I say we did it, I just sat there.
36:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
36:52 Speaker 00 Um, but yeah, I'm excited for you, man. So what tattoos have you got currently?
36:56 Speaker 01 I've only got the one, but I'm getting, I've got one designed there for my shoulder, that's going up, one for my calf.
37:00 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:01 Speaker 01 Uh, I've been looking at another, both calves done, I want one here.
37:06 Speaker 00 Yeah. Um, are you worried about getting it done on your shoulder?
37:11 Speaker 01 No, does it hurt?
37:12 Speaker 00 Does it hurt?
37:13 Speaker 01 The shoulder one?
37:14 Speaker 00 No, shoulder one's fine, shoulder you can get all day. Elbow was the worst, one of the worst pain experiences of my life.
37:20 Speaker 01 What did you, did you take like, like, what do you do for the pain, just like?
37:24 Speaker 00 Well, I, Paul's a very nice guy, um, but he, we know each other well enough now that he sort of takes a piss occasionally. I once suggested that I put numbing cream on and that was not received.
37:34 Speaker 01 Really?
37:35 Speaker 00 Positively. Apparently it changes your skin, numbing cream. It makes it more difficult to tattoo. But i- if I, if, I think if I was to get my other elbow done, I'd get, I'd, I'd put some numbing cream on, cause it was fucking agony.
37:47 Speaker 01 I don't think I'm gonna get my elbow, that's, that's, yeah.
37:49 Speaker 00 But it looks goo- like elbow's good.
37:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, but it's.
37:51 Speaker 00 But it does feel like they're, he's engraving your bone.
37:54 Speaker 01 Jesus.
37:55 Speaker 00 It was quite painful. And then he, he, I got an Ice Cube portrait.
37:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:00 Speaker 00 And he, like, that's really detailed, so it just felt like it was going on forever.
38:04 Speaker 01 Do you ever worry about some of the people that you have put on you?
38:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:08 Speaker 01 Having controversy?
38:09 Speaker 00 I had to cover up the Russell Brand one.
38:12 Speaker 01 That was insane, that Russell Brand, yeah.
38:14 Speaker 00 It was just, I mean.
38:19 Speaker 00 Just put some like little post-its in the bible.
38:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, well, just read any passage.
38:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, just read anything and pretend that means something to you.
38:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, like everyone else does.
38:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, and then there was light.
38:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, it it it felt like, yeah, just but also then there's a part of me that like, he's ever the showman.
38:36 Speaker 00 You know what I think, it's really impressive to be on a thing with Piers Morgan and Piers Morgan's the second biggest helmet on them. In the shop, that's very rare.
38:50 Speaker 01 Can I say, but he's getting a lot of applause for sitting there quietly. I couldn't get over the fact of watching Piers Morgan's face, he knew what he was doing.
38:58 Speaker 00 I know, he was so, he was so excited.
39:07 Speaker 00 It's a, it's a shame that Piers Morgan's managed to get successful on YouTube, isn't it?
39:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, you and him both are quite successful now.
39:15 Speaker 00 Um.
39:16 Speaker 01 On YouTube.
39:16 Speaker 00 No, I'm not as successful as Piers Morgan is on YouTube.
39:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know, but you don't say his sort of controversial gangra stuff.
39:22 Speaker 00 No, I should do that. I mean, we did, I did pretend to be a guy that's gonna fuck you in a pub toilet. It's not controversial, but.
39:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:29 Speaker 00 It it it might be described as grabby.
39:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, but you've got to grab this, this day.
39:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, you do have to.
39:34 Speaker 01 It's all about, yeah.
39:35 Speaker 00 Piers Morgan, um, wrote about me in his column.
39:38 Speaker 01 When?
39:39 Speaker 00 Because I s- I I s- I slagged him off on something or or commented about, because he was complaining about, um.
39:48 Speaker 00 The fact that Percy Pigs have taken, had taken the gelatin out. So you know they're vegetarian or vegan or whatever. Um, or they've got a whole vegan range or whatever, but so. They took the gelatin out.
40:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:01 Speaker 00 And then Piers Morgan said it's like woke gone mad or something like.
40:05 Speaker 01 Who notices it? They're still one of the best sweets in the world.
40:08 Speaker 00 Mate.
40:08 Speaker 01 If not the best now.
40:09 Speaker 00 I know.
40:10 Speaker 01 Shout out Candy Kittens and Percy Pigs. I don't, I think we're living in a messy Ronaldo era of, yeah, maybe, I don't know. If they're still, at the moment, I'd say Percy Pigs and Candy Kittens are.
40:20 Speaker 00 Those are your favourites?
40:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:21 Speaker 00 Hmm.
40:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, I couldn't pick. It's like.
40:23 Speaker 00 You couldn't pick between kittens and pigs?
40:25 Speaker 01 No.
40:25 Speaker 00 Um.
40:26 Speaker 01 I, yeah.
40:26 Speaker 00 Anyway, Piers Morgan said something about it. I said something about him saying that, and then he called, I think he called me a professional troll.
40:34 Speaker 01 What?
40:34 Speaker 00 Hmm.
40:35 Speaker 01 Wow.
40:36 Speaker 00 Hmm, Piers Morgan said that.
40:38 Speaker 01 A professional troll.
40:40 Speaker 00 He he said he's a professional troll and as all comedians are, he's a professional troll by.
40:45 Speaker 01 But that's his job as well.
40:46 Speaker 00 I know, I know. I'd love to go, I'd love the Wolf and Al to go on the Piers Morgan show.
40:51 Speaker 01 Would you?
40:52 Speaker 00 No, I don't know why I said that. I can't I can't think of anything I want less.
40:55 Speaker 01 No, I I find I just find him like in a place where he I I weirdly thought him ju- trying to jump on the H S Tik Toky bandwagon.
41:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:03 Speaker 01 Was it's the sim- yeah.
41:05 Speaker 00 I would say he the the only thing that that makes me happy about Arsenal potentially bottling is that he'll be sad.
41:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:16 Speaker 00 And sometimes when Arsenal have had a really great result, I see him posting on social media and it ruins it for me.
41:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's mad that you've got that alliance.
41:24 Speaker 00 It's just so weird. It's two things, football and politics. We're just aligned. Do you know what I mean? You can't you can't help it.
41:32 Speaker 01 You're almost like, you know, like in Lord of the Rings when they get that little band of sort of that little gaggle of friends together.
41:37 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:38 Speaker 01 And you're like the two guys who are on, you're going for the same thing to help with the ring, but you don't get on. I can't remember who the two characters are.
41:45 Speaker 00 I can't recognise his storyline that you're describing.
41:47 Speaker 01 No, but didn't there's the two like Legolas and Aramir didn't get on for a bit.
41:51 Speaker 00 Legolas.
41:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:54 Speaker 00 Legolas sounds like you telling a mate he's pissed, but you're pissed. You're, I tell you what, you're fucking absolutely legolas.
42:02 Speaker 01 What's Legolas, isn't it?
42:03 Speaker 00 Legolas, yeah. The cool bit is when he rides down the trunk, that's my favourite bit of the whole thing.
42:08 Speaker 01 It's incredible, but you're like Legolas and he's like Aramir.
42:11 Speaker 00 Yeah, I guess so, yeah. In what way?
42:13 Speaker 01 No, but you're like the cool young buck and he's like the old sort of.
42:17 Speaker 00 I would, okay.
42:20 Speaker 01 No, but you know what I mean? You're like, you, there's a lot of stuff that you share.
42:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:24 Speaker 01 But then you you're like at odds, but then maybe at some point you save his life in the quest for the ring.
42:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, absolutely, yeah. I don't think the analogy works. Have you watched Lord of the Rings?
42:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, I love it. It's a great film. I I say I love it. I like the first two.
42:39 Speaker 00 What's wrong with the third one?
42:41 Speaker 01 It's been on forever. I just think they they've done it all. I knew they were gonna get to Mordor. I just knew it.
42:47 Speaker 00 Well, yeah, I mean, yeah. It wouldn't be as good if they didn't get to Mordor.
42:51 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, which is a big, big, big waste of time, Sam.
42:56 Speaker 00 Well, I suppose we should go home.
42:59 Speaker 00 But in the book, you know what happens? They go back to Hobbiton and it's fucking been torched.
43:03 Speaker 01 Really?
43:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
43:05 Speaker 01 Oh shit, why didn't they put that in the film?
43:06 Speaker 00 I don't know, because I guess it could be too dark. Also, who the fuck wants it to go longer?
43:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:11 Speaker 00 We've already got twenty minutes of Frodo just bouncing up and down on the bed going Gandalf.
43:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, when Gandalf turns up on that smelly old boat. Yeah.
43:21 Speaker 00 Anyway.
43:23 Speaker 00 I think we're, we're ready to
43:25 Speaker 01 Wow.
43:26 Speaker 00 wrap things up, Tom, so it's been quite the rollercoaster.
43:28 Speaker 01 It has been, yeah, I've got a frog in my throat. You know what? It's, I'm gonna tell you. I'm hitting up an asthma stroke hay fever, whatever the pollen is at the moment, it's absolutely ripping me to shreds.
43:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're, we're having
43:40 Speaker 01 And you know you can't have the hay fever jab anymore.
43:44 Speaker 00 Oh, can you not?
43:45 Speaker 01 It's really bad for your bones.
43:47 Speaker 00 I think you're thinking of Ozempic.
43:48 Speaker 01 No, no, no, and a hay fever jab.
43:50 Speaker 00 Really?
43:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:51 Speaker 00 Um, we, uh, have got loads of trees around our house.
43:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:55 Speaker 00 It's very green.
43:56 Speaker 01 Well, you've got a forest of your own, sort of, very Sheriff of Nottingham vibes.
44:01 Speaker 00 I would have accepted this, were you not living in the most affluent area of the country.
44:10 Speaker 00 I would accept this banter from you if you were not in the most expensive street in London.
44:20 Speaker 00 Okay?
44:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:22 Speaker 00 Okay?
44:22 Speaker 01 I always forget that you, yeah.
44:24 Speaker 00 You always forget that I've been to the palace.
44:26 Speaker 01 The palace?
44:28 Speaker 00 Um, anyway, there's loads of trees.
44:30 Speaker 01 Yep.
44:31 Speaker 00 Pollen keeps settling on our cars, right?
44:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:34 Speaker 00 From all the plants and everything.
44:35 Speaker 01 Good little job for Alex or Charlie.
44:36 Speaker 00 What's that?
44:37 Speaker 01 Going out and cleaning the cars.
44:38 Speaker 00 They, they won't do that.
44:39 Speaker 01 Really?
44:39 Speaker 00 So, I mean, they would do, I mean, I've never tried, actually, in truth, in fairness to them, I've never tried.
44:43 Speaker 01 Get a hosepipe, get them brushing that off.
44:45 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, no, I get how to.
44:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:47 Speaker 00 We have to be careful, Tom. Have you washed a car before?
44:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, of course, I did it for years. My dad had, that's what, my dad had like
44:53 Speaker 00 Okay, so can I ask them, can I ask, before we get into this?
44:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:56 Speaker 00 Your thought for the day?
44:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:59 Speaker 00 How are you supposed, because one of the, I cleaned one of my cars and I managed to scratch the fuck out of it.
45:04 Speaker 01 How?
45:05 Speaker 00 Because you're supposed to rinse all the shit off before, I was basically scratching it with the dirt. So it got all, you know those little circular scratches? So you're supposed to pre-rinse, aren't you? I didn't know that.
45:15 Speaker 01 Get all the, yeah, sand, mud, all that sort of stuff off.
45:17 Speaker 00 Yeah. Anyway, I didn't know that. Anyway, the point is, we had left one of the cars.
45:24 Speaker 01 Right.
45:25 Speaker 00 With pollen on it for a long time.
45:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:27 Speaker 00 Somebody came around, we had to get a professional clean because we'd left it for so long. It was filthy. The guy cleaned it and then he said the pollen has eaten into your paintwork.
45:36 Speaker 01 Wow.
45:37 Speaker 00 There's, it's now left a permanent, there's now a permanent pollination on the car.
45:40 Speaker 01 Pollen is savage, mate.
45:42 Speaker 00 Savage. It turns out the car paint has got hay fever.
45:45 Speaker 01 Wow, wow. The headlights are all blotchy.
45:48 Speaker 00 That's a little lesson for everybody, do you know what I mean?
45:50 Speaker 01 Beware of pollen.
45:50 Speaker 00 Get it off, get it off.
45:52 Speaker 01 That's why everyone loves this time of year. I, I, I like it once it gets hotter, but at this point it's like.
45:57 Speaker 00 Real hell.
45:58 Speaker 01 Flowers coming to bloom, my arse starts going.
46:00 Speaker 00 I, I wonder if today's thought will involve plants.
46:03 Speaker 01 It won't.
46:04 Speaker 00 Let's see, oh.
46:04 Speaker 01 I don't think, well, it was going, but now I'm, I'm gonna bat against the tide. Hmm. I'm just thinking, actually, was that it?
46:11 Speaker 00 Hmm. How are you gonna bat against the tide?
46:15 Speaker 01 Carpets are a funny thing. You walk across them day after day.
46:19 Speaker 00 Good luck.
46:22 Speaker 01 Same feet, socks, shoes.
46:25 Speaker 00 Shoes?
46:26 Speaker 01 Dog poo.
46:26 Speaker 00 Dog poo?
46:28 Speaker 01 Carpets take a hell of a beating. You never really think about them. I guess that's the truth about life. It's the things that we walk on, the places where we plant our feet. The things at the very bottom that sometimes we don't consider. It's easy to look up at the ceiling and go, wow, look at that painting. Oh, wow, look at that tiling work. Or look in a mirror and think, God, that's a nice mirror. Seldom do you look down. And that's the truth about life. Maybe that's the best way of seeing how far you've come and how far you've grown is looking down and going, cool. I remember when the floor didn't seem so far away.
47:05 Speaker 01 Before you know it, you're going older and older, taller, and then you grow short again, and then tall again. I don't know how size works. But the truth of it is this, sometimes it's good to put a burr on it, whether it's looking down or looking across, or looking in the mirror and just saying, I've come a long way. Maybe you've just learnt a new thing. Maybe you've grown in how you think about things. The truth of the matter is this, we don't give each other enough credit and we don't give carpet enough credit. And we don't give ourselves enough credit. So today, when you're out on your journeys, look in a tube reflection. Look up at the sky. Nay, more importantly, look down on the floor and think, huh, I used to lay down there and crawl, and now I can walk free. Go easy, friends.
47:50 Speaker 00 Really good.
47:50 Speaker 01 Thank you.
47:51 Speaker 00 Really good.
47:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I had one about plants I had to get rid of.
47:54 Speaker 00 The next time I'm on the tube, I will look up at the sky. Um, thank you so much.
48:00 Speaker 01 Bless, thank you.
48:00 Speaker 00 For listening and watching the Wolf and I podcast.
48:03 Speaker 01 Like, subscribe, be a part of the journey.
48:06 Speaker 00 Be a part of the tribe.
48:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, oh wow, that's a really, yeah.
48:09 Speaker 00 No, that's something they're probably saying, high rocks, isn't it?
48:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:12 Speaker 00 Yeah. We definitely haven't come up with that.
48:14 Speaker 01 Well, next week, it's gonna be the Hydrox, Hydrox, is it Hydrox?
48:16 Speaker 00 No, it's High Rocks.
48:17 Speaker 01 High Rocks, the High Rocks special with Robert Shrank and Nathan Tom Davis, AKA the Wolf and I, High Rocks special coming next week.
48:22 Speaker 00 It's not, it's not, there's no High Rocks. Neither of us are gonna do High Rocks. Peace out!
48:27 Speaker 01 Poop!
48:28 Speaker 00 Poop?
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