Could Tom Beat 100 8-Year-Olds?

Could Tom beat 100 eight-year-olds? In this episode of Wolf & Owl, the boys tackle some of the most important questions facing modern society, including what happens when your parents want to invite 18 extra people to your wedding, and whether Tom could take on 100 eight-year-olds in a fight. From the awkward realities of wedding guest lists, whether they’d actually attend a listener’s wedding, all the way through to dog party invites and dog diets. They discuss it all. Plus, Tom reveals another questionable chapter in the ongoing saga of his tattoos, and we hear about a tragic story of his testes. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 01:11 A predicament about wedding guests 06:51 Have Rom & Tom ever been to a wedding together? 10:03 A question on dogs 13:38 Tom’s tattoos 14:38 Tom’s testicle tragedy 17:21 Tom vs 100 8 year olds 21:39 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:03Speaker 00

  Yo, yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred? Just kidding, every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Bonjour friends!

• 0:15Speaker 02

  Welcome to the Wolf and Owl is the email special to put in your head.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  If you've got a dilemma, come right over. We're your friends and we're gonna help you out, Emma.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  Emma?

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, dilemma, Roger, uh, dilemma.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Oh, I see, right, okay. Uh, Emma, Emma, eh, eh, have you with your dilemma? Emma, Emma, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Well, for now.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  A lovely young lady went up to me the other day.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Uh, in the street and said that we'd helped her out with some, she was with some friends and she said, I sent an email in and it was anonymous. I just wanted to say that your rummage gave me some lovely advice.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  Oh, that's nice.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  Um, and I said, which advice was it? And she said, I would rather not say. But she said, just thank you.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  Oh, that's very sweet, okay. Uh, shall I do the first one?

• 1:03Speaker 01

  You do the first one.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Dear Wolf.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  I've generally got bogey worry now.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  No, you're fine.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  That's just hair.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  Thanks for showing me in such detail, eh? Dear Wolf, Owl and sweet, sweet coyote. Longtime listener, first time emailer, such a big fan of the pod. Everyone must think I'm a lunatic, laughing out loud while struggling through my midweek run. Never fails to get me through it, though. I know you get a lot of emails about weddings, but I thought I would add to the list and hope that you can help me out with my current nuptials based predicament. Sorry, let me say that again. Help me out with my current nuptials based predicament, there you go. Uh, I got engaged to my partner five years earlier this year during a once in a lifetime trip to New Zealand. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Uh, and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  When we returned to the UK, we started planning the wedding. I imagine it had been a, I had imagined it would be a small affair, but we were incredibly fortunate that my partner's parents offered to pay for it, having saved for years for their only daughter's wedding. As a result, the guest list has grown considerably. In original planning, my partner and I wanted to keep it to our family and friends, those that we know will be part of our life going forward. Now that it has grown, my parents have become involved and they have given me a list of 18 friends they want invited to the wedding. My future in-laws covering the cost, I'm unsure what to do. They got on really well with my parents, but we'll find it difficult to push back on this. At the same time, it seems unreasonable to ask my in-laws to cover two tables worth of people me and my partner aren't that close with. I'll be paying for a few things like a bad photographer and videographer, so I cannot afford to cover my parents' guests.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Any advice would be greatly appreciated and of course, should I get this problem sorted? You would both be invited to the wedding.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a proper invite, yeah.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Only 16 of your parents' friends coming. I would love to see the Wolf and Owl get some kilts on and try a few Kayleigh dances. Likely Ron will say no. Well guessed. Uh, but Tom, grab the coyotes, you're plus one and what a night it will be. Fucking hell, he's pushed me right out, straight off the bat.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  I think John's got a lot of this, because John's so eager for stuff. John's got a very.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's such a thirsty little rat, isn't he?

• 2:59Speaker 01

  He is, but like me.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Thirsty little coyote.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Thirsty guys.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  First.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Trappers.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  If it was, if it was him in the carton, it'd be thirsty coyote.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Look at you. Oh, baby.

• 3:11Speaker 02

  Much appreciated. The red squirrel, we were talking about squirrels on the last episode, weren't we?

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Shout out to the red squirrel and all of your kin.

• 3:17Speaker 03

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• 3:43Speaker 04

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• 4:10Speaker 02

  All right, what do you think?

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Um, I think he's got a hell of a problem here.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  I think, I think this happens in a lot of weddings. I had a similar thing with, I had a similar thing at my wedding with, uh.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  My parents insisting on a couple of, a couple of people like that they're invited.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Shame, shame, shame.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Uh, so I think it's quite a harsh, hard thing to deal with here.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  I think, I think it does look a bit of a liberty if you've gone.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Bit of a fucking liberty, innit?

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Who are those two tables over there, red squirrel? Oh, they're just sort of some people that, yeah, that's Alan and Vanessa. Alan used to work at the Printworks with my dad. Uh, Vanessa's, if you've got, I think, yeah, you don't want to fall into a trap of just having some also rounds at your wedding.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  So I think, yeah, I think.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Some fucking husbands.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think you've got to sit down and, and chat to your parents. Cause, cause by the sounds of things, your, your in-laws sound like, you know, good people have put a lot of money towards the wedding.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  And they will behind your back go, oh, God. You know, what was he thinking, fighting all those people he didn't really know?

• 5:16Speaker 02

  That's so funny you did that. That's the in-laws' voice, isn't it?

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  They're like, bloody hell, they're inviting 18 people. It doesn't feel like either of the couple.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Who are Alan and Vanessa? So you've really, I think it's a tough.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Obviously, they chose the steak.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's the other thing. Like people who get invited to weddings, like weddings who don't think they're going are the greediest people.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Greediest.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  By the way, if me and do, me and John do come and you don't, please don't put me and John on a table.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  John and Tom, let me just get, let's get this clear up, they're not coming to your wedding, okay?

• 5:47Speaker 01

  Oh, I would say this is, that's a proper, I'm shocked, by the way, at your decorum.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  My decorum?

• 5:52Speaker 01

  That's a proper invite.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Tom.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  And you're like, oh, yeah, I doubt Ron will come. You're bloody damn right I won't. Why would I come to, that's an actual invite.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Look, this is the problem with this situation.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, go on.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  All right, I'm going on.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Like, seriously.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Don't fucking go on me, I'm, talk.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  The red squirrel.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  He is actually.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  Red squirrel, look, it, I'm very.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  He's not beating about a bush, by the way.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Pardon?

• 6:19Speaker 01

  He's not beating about the bush.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  I, I didn't suggest he had that, what's the point?

• 6:23Speaker 01

  He's gone, look, I'd love you to be there.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, but, red squirrel, I'm very touched by the invite. You seem like a really nice person.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  A bloody good person.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I don't think it's a good idea for us to come to the wedding.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Right, give me 17 reasons why.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  Okay, number one, we don't know him.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Right, okay.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  We don't know them at all. Number two, the in-laws are paying for the thing, they're not gonna pay for the fucking cast of the Wolf and Owl to turn up.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  Well, cast and crew.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, and also, by the way, if you're hoping to save money from 18 people not turning up, don't invite Tom.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  If you think, if you think that's gonna lower the bill.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Can I say, by the way, John at a free bar.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  That gives me the chills.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  The old fill your boots coyote?

• 7:05Speaker 05

  I'll smash that, bud.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, see?

• 7:08Speaker 01

  But what if, what if we return the favor and you DJed?

• 7:12Speaker 02

  I don't think that would be good either.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Why?

• 7:14Speaker 02

  It'd be good, well, okay, why don't you do a tight 10?

• 7:16Speaker 01

  I'm not doing stand up.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Oh, well, blah, blah, blah, blah.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Oh, no, don't mind doing.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Why did I do that? What's going on with me today?

• 7:21Speaker 01

  I don't mind doing something else.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  What is going on with me today, man? Sorry, I'm gonna spiral about that, anyway, go on.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  All right, leave that in, by the way.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck was that?

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Me and John could do like a karate expo.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  That's a good shout.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, that could be quite fun.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  I'll tell you what I will do, I'll ask Martin Tissme if he can DJ the wedding.

• 7:36Speaker 01

  Will you?

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Would you, would you come then?

• 7:38Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  What, what can we get you to come to the red squirrel's wedding?

• 7:44Speaker 05

  Have you guys ever been to a wedding together?

• 7:46Speaker 01

  No, I'd love to, no.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  Never.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  I know we have, we went to Rupert Magendy's wedding together.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, but we weren't friends then, were we?

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were friends.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  More acquaintances. You were a bit snooty because you knew more people there than me.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  Mate, by the way, I, you were, you were dressed beautifully, you, I didn't wear a suit to that wedding, I felt bad.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  You wore like, did you wear a big colourful shirt?

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I dressed like fucking Shane Richie, like Alfie Moon.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. You looked good, though. No, we, but we weren't as good friends as we are now.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no. We haven't gone to weddings since this, this bromance has been.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was, that was at the, that was at the, when the bromance was like a, a bud.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Every wedding's gonna be that little bit cooler, me, you, John and Martin Tissme, I mean, Martin's doing like a heavy lifting call wise.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  I would say, no disrespect to you, John. But I don't think we're lifting up the old call question there.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  We turn up, the four of us, right? That is, all of a sudden, his mind is gonna be blown. We shouldn't say we're coming, by the way. John should just do some digging, find out where the wedding is, right? Go back to him, go, we might come, we'll just see where is it and when is it?

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  And we turn up.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Is he playing the piano while he's doing it?

• 8:49Speaker 01

  I think that could be fun.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Um, hmm, it could be, but it also could be horrendous. We don't know anybody.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's, that's the best.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  Red squirrels literally just complaining about not people coming to weddings.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  Can I just say, the best weddings are the ones where you don't know anyone.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  Do you think you live up to expectation? Cause I don't.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  I don't.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  I think we both do.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  I think, right, they know what they're getting from me, they're gonna be pleasantly surprised by this guy.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Right? You turn up, they'll be pleasantly, they'll go, oh, it'll be all grumpy, I don't want a drink. And then they'll go.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  Let me tell you something about John. You want him to wear a kilt, not only will he do that, it will be very short.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Shout out.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Do you know what his nickname at uni was? Kilt belt.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Shout out, if you're interested in seeing more John the Magpie on OnlyFans.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Um.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  Anyhow.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  What, what, what should he do about, what should they do about this guy?

• 9:37Speaker 01

  He's got to sit down with his parents and say that this feels, unless you wanna throw in a couple of bags to.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Me?

• 9:43Speaker 01

  No.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Oh, right.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  His parents throw in a couple of grand.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Bad enough he's trying to convince me to attend, let alone pay for these fucking 18, 18 fucking pricks.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Um, you know.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Your parents got to pay for it if they want these people to come. It's a piss take. The, the, the in-laws have saved up for years and years, innit? They're not saved up.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  For that only daughter.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  And their dream is that the, the, the other people's parents can invite whatever fucking people they've met.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  By the way, can I say who, who'll be hilarious?

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Who?

• 10:08Speaker 01

  The brothers of his wife, new wife.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  What'd you say?

• 10:11Speaker 01

  I've just got a feeling they'll be fucking nutcases. I just think they will.

• 10:16Speaker 02

  Based on what?

• 10:17Speaker 01

  No, I've just got a feeling. Sometimes I manifest this shit. It's like with my DNA, I just like, oh, yeah.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  That'll be lunatics.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do me a favor, before the, before we do the next set of these, just look at, just do a bit of reading about DNA.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  Um, anyway, good luck. Thank you so much. We might come.

• 10:59Speaker 04

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• 11:27Speaker 06

  Blowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them? That's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions.

• 11:36Speaker 04

  I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it, it wasn't.

• 11:44Speaker 06

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• 11:58Speaker 02

  Uh, okay, Tom, do you want to do the next one?

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Dear Wolf and Owl, just

• 12:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, boy.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  Just finished listening to your Tuesday episode and there was a lot of dog chat, but also not quite enough at the same time.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  I kept thinking about Tom being a golden retriever, but surely he's a Great Dane. They're both the definition of gentle giants. Giants, giants, giants.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  Well, you're doing an echo.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm intrigued by Tom's thinking that Ramesh would be a dash hound. I would go for a basset hound. They appear unimpressed by what's going on around them, but proper lovely with big hearts.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Oh, that's so cute. Just do this.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:38Speaker 01

  You're doing all this wacky stuff for this new tour.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  I know. I don't know what's going. Yeah, on the tour, if you want to see some dog stuff, come to the tour.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Well, this is an impression of 10 different dogs.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Uh, just discovered the pod in the last few weeks and I've been loving it. Thank you. Taz, P.S. Never wearing blue again when I walk the dog.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  So this is what, didn't we say that wearing certain colour codes to not

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I would take a great, Great Danes is an amazing compliment there. I don't think I've got it in me to be a Great Dane. I think you've got to have an air of grace and decorum to be a Great Dane. There's a scruffy stench to a golden retriever.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Great Danes look amazing.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Um, I always just think, what's it like to have that in your house? It's just like having a fucking

• 13:23Speaker 01

  Dinosaur.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, just fucking horse gambling around your living room.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  And their shits are massive.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  I imagine they are, yeah.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  So you are a Great Dane then?

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. By the way, I've been having some mammoth shits.

• 13:34Speaker 02

  Okay, great, great. Here we go.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  I've got some pictures and I was gonna send you

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Why have you taken pictures?

• 13:39Speaker 01

  Because they're so big and girthy. So I'm like, at some point I'm gonna be in a situation where poos could crop up and I can go.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  You'll, some point you're gonna be in a situation where poos crop up. What do you mean by that?

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, like people are talking about having big dumps and I've got like three pictures now.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  Right.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Poos I've had recently.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Locked and loaded.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll go, yeah, check that out.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Does Catherine know you're taking pictures of your shits?

• 14:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then I said to her, I said, should I send one to Ramesh as a joke? And she went, no, I don't think he'd like that. I thought, I don't know, he could find it quite funny.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  So it's weird. Catherine knows me more than you.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  I showed it to Grace. She's obsessed with looking at it.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, obviously she'd love to see that.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's quite proud of it, dad.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Um, the basset hound is a fair call for Ramesh, I think. I think it's a basset hound.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  I don't know enough about dog breeds to really, um.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  What? I think a basset hound is quite a sultry sort of sweet dog.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  That once you've got a basset hound, like his affection, he's not going anywhere. Like a basset hound is there for the, they're the ones that, um, they're the, the, the sweets, right? Basset.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Do you mean Bertie Basset, the licorice lager?

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  No, that's a man made out of licorice.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  Oh my God, I'm tired. I'm gonna stick career.

• 15:03Speaker 05

  I think the basset hound is the, you know, hush puppies?

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:07Speaker 05

  That's a basset hound, isn't it?

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, is it not the one, oh, that one?

• 15:11Speaker 02

  You're talking about Droopy?

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  Is Droopy a basset hound? What's, how, what did Droopy sound?

• 15:16Speaker 05

  He's a, he's a basset hound.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay. I don't think that went very well. That's, that's a good one actually for you. I think that's better than a dash hound.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  I think that got

• 15:24Speaker 02

  I used to love Droopy.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  Fuck, man, he was so good.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Oh my God, that's made me want to watch some Droopy.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I might. That'd be a good tattoo for you.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Droopy dog?

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Tattoo?

• 15:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Where would I have that?

• 15:37Speaker 01

  I don't know, that sort of lower back.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would have it if I was a 19 year old girl.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  I think a Droopy would look cool, wouldn't you?

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. Have you got any more tattoos by the way?

• 15:49Speaker 01

  No, I haven't got them. I need to get some more.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  What's going on then? Because you were proper in.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, but I've been away.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Where's your lot? What's the last one you had done?

• 15:55Speaker 01

  The one on the leg.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  That's a good one.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a nice one.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Is it making you want to wear shorts more?

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:01Speaker 02

  You want to show it off?

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Show off the goods.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, I wore quite a lot of sleeveless tops when I was on holiday.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you did.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, a couple of basketball tees.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  Because you've got one, I noticed there's one that's sort of creeping out. Maybe it was when you're doing golf. Is there one like, have you got a detailed one on one of your shoulders or on one of your arms?

• 16:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, there, yeah.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  Saw that.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. The creep out's nice though.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  A little peer out.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, so I, I think, yeah, a basset hound is a good one for you.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Okay, great.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  Sweet basset hound.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Hello, Wolf and Owl. Oh, I need to check my tone. I'm a relatively new listener, having discovered you in the last couple of months, but I now listen every time I leave the house and regularly find myself laughing along while walking around.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  One episode that's given me particular thought is the debate around 100 men versus one gorilla, where Tom is adamant that the gorilla wins. Trying to find a relative comparison that might make Tom reconsider. And I think I've come up with one that puts it into first person terms for him. Would Tom beat 108 year olds? From the comparisons I've been looking at, an average eight year old is roughly five to six times weaker than a fully grown man in terms of absolute strength. That's obviously a rough estimate. Really the kind of strength disparity we're talking about when comparing an average adult man with a gorilla. But Tom would also have a massive size advantage over an eight year old. He'd be roughly twice their height. Twice the height of an eight, yeah, I guess so.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  Probably, yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Whereas a gorilla isn't actually, isn't actually dramatically taller than a grown man standing upright. So if anything, Tom potentially has a bigger physical advantage over each individual eight year old than a grown man has over, than a gorilla has over an individual man, doesn't it? As, yeah, I would still vage that 100 determined eight year olds eventually swarm and beat Tom. Which brings me to two questions. How is this not the question? Does framing the gorilla debate in first person terms change Tom's opinion at all? And if not, what would be Tom's strategy for tackling 108 year olds? And how does he genuinely think, how many does he think he could genuinely take? Best regards, the garden toad.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  That's a hell of an email. Can I just say for a start, I think Grace is in a, an age now, I don't know if your boys went through it, where the fucking dick punch

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Is

• 18:07Speaker 02

  Oh, from Grace?

• 18:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, the heart, the, she did it to me the other day.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  We're in a supermarket, just me and little G.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Hmm. Get me Cocoa Pops.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:16Speaker 02

  Was it?

• 18:17Speaker 01

  Not Cocoa Pops, but it was literally, she wanted something. I was like, no, no. And then I started chatting to a couple of people from, like a couple of other parents from my school. I was like, you're not getting those. We're not getting them. You know, they're a treat and you have it. And she was like, I want those. And I was like, you know, and then she just literally laughed and then came running up and fully uppercutted me in the balls.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Uppercut?

• 18:35Speaker 01

  Mate, and it was, by the way, a hell of a punch. I'm like, Christ, that's, that's a dick.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  Let, let's not feel pride at being sucker punched to the testicles.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Right. I doubled up. I was in absolute agony.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  How did she react to that?

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Well, she felt bad. She's an empath, she was empathetic and I don't think she had any idea how much it would hurt.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  And the other parents looked, there was this element of, oh my God, I'll know, but also they couldn't help but laugh.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  I've then got to try and laugh.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  It is objectively funny.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've got tears in my eyes because there's no way you can stop that. And also I've got to try and laugh, but also looking at Grace go, and then I was like, what are you doing? Like doing that?

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  And then she's just like, I didn't know it hurt that much. And I was like, yeah. It absolutely, and so what my point is, is if you've got one eight year old

• 19:18Speaker 02

  Who does that?

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Just runs and fucking hits you in the dick.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  You, the rest of them are tearing your limbs off in seconds.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  They probably will. Eight year olds know enough to now go for the dick, don't they?

• 19:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I think, I think eight year olds could go, gorillas, as far as, how sensitive is a gorilla's testicles?

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Um, I don't know. It was, it was a long time ago that I went on that holiday. Um.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  Teabag to the gorilla. I'm what my point is, I think, although this is a brilliant bit of thinking, I think a gorilla is, I think also the gorilla's strength is.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  So, hold on, you think you'd, let's get this straight though.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  I think eight year olds are absolute.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  You think you'd lose to hundred eight year olds?

• 19:54Speaker 01

  I'd say twenty five, thirty eight year olds would demolish me.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  How many would you knock outs clean?

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Oh, the first ten.

• 20:00Speaker 02

  First ten eight year olds out cold.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Well, actually, no, probably five, you know, five, you literally, you've only got two arms, your legs, right? You can only use your arms, really, do you know what I mean? You might not be able to, we throw, you can't kick and hit the first time unless you're absolutely insane. Do you know what I mean? So maybe you switch, it'd just take that one kid to break through Luke Skywalker, Death Star, bang. And then you're null and void, and then they've got you.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  You just need one eight year old with, with a plan. That's all, out of that hundred, you're gonna get one.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  How many eight year olds do you think will have a plan?

• 20:30Speaker 01

  I think at least thirty percent.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  They'll be like, I mean, because you've got to assume that some of them are going to be quite gifted, aren't they?

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  I mean, the assumption that people make is that.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  And also, you know, there'll be collateral damage, eight year olds, eight year olds that they go, you know, you know, Brewster, Kevin, you know, Dwayne, you're gonna go first, you're gonna be the first guys.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  I find it, I'm finding it difficult to believe that there's any eight year olds called that.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  Right, and then, yeah, and then you get the one just slightly hanging behind.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  He sees them getting wiped out, he comes running through, bang.

• 20:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, what are your stamina levels like?

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Not great, I can have a hundred.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Because even if you're wading through them, you're gonna start to get a bit tired, aren't you?

• 21:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, you know, my, there's no way I'm beating a hundred eight year olds. How do you think, how many eight year olds do you think you could take without?

• 21:13Speaker 02

  I, I think two or three.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  How old's Charlie now?

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Uh, twelve.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  So two thirds of a Charlie, how many of those could I take out? Um, I think I could take out two or three simultaneously instantly.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  And, you know, you've got to be brutal.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, but that's the other thing, gorillas.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Like, one punch, you could take out two, kick one straight in the face, and then you curb stomp another one.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Can I say, by the way, there's gorilla being attacked by a hundred men is, all bets are off. Everything goes, a grown man being attacked by a hundred eight year olds, there's an element, no one's coming out of that.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  No, I don't think people are taking bets.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, and also it's like, hey, yeah, uh, yeah, I'll have a pint, please, I'll just kick the fuck out of a hundred eight year old down there. Yeah, whereas a gorilla walks in a bar afterwards, I've just killed a hundred.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  No, you're right, it's more likely that the gorilla walks into the bar. What is, what is this analogy you're using?

• 22:06Speaker 01

  No, what I'm just saying is, there's a certain dignity to the gorilla.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  Right, the gorilla's, that's an achievement.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, because the gorilla's been attacked by a hundred men, probably in.

• 22:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you're being attacked by a hundred eight year olds.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, but a hundred eight year olds, like, that feels.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Let's give you a scenario where you feel like care about beating them up, okay? They've been given some sort of, it's like, um, what's it called, World War Z or whatever.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Okay, they're zombies.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  They're zombies, right, they've been given some sort of serum or something, and it's made them all fucking mad, and they're trying to kill you, right?

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  And, and, and you're in, out the front of your house, a hundred eight year olds at the front of your house, your family are inside, okay?

• 22:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  All right? If they take you out, they're getting in the house.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  You kind of just say, as much as now that has picked up the fuck, you know, I, I feel the jeopardy in it.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  I still think, I'm maybe thirty five, forty of them.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  About a hundred, I think you're just getting over it.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Too many, isn't it?

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're swarming you.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  But whereas a gorilla, I think gorillas are like so just stupid and innately just angry.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Right, they're just an anger about a gorilla, I could never get to that anger.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  So, so, yeah, but I have rethought that slightly with this, this is a very good.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Analogy, how many eight, so what would you say, you eight, eight year olds?

• 23:19Speaker 02

  I think ninety eight, and then I'm, then I'm.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  The last two just get to you.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, the last two, it's like, you know, I can't, you two are so.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Shows a picture of his mum.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  You two are so cute, I can't knock you out. And then he just bites my dick off. Thank you so much for listening to and watching the Wolf and I email special, send your questions.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Very giggly in this one.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  I, I'm gonna be honest with you, there's a lot I've done in this one that I'm not happy with.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've been very giggly, I felt like of a schoolgirl going out with you and it's her first date at a milk shack.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  When I was also a school kid, yeah. Send your questions and stories to [email protected].

• 23:54Speaker 01

  I like me.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  We genuinely love hearing from you, and there's a good chance of hear yourself on the show.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Do you think it's cool to go out with young girls?

• 23:59Speaker 02

  See you next time, bye.