Catfishes, Testosterone & Airport Nightmares

What happened to Tom at Heathrow? In this week's episode, Tom tells us all about the chaos of a stressful trip through Heathrow, where a simple question led to him unloading all of his travel stress in spectacular fashion on a stranger. Elsewhere, the boys discuss the etiquette of being asked for a photo, holiday fails, dog walking small talk, and the world of Raya, online dating, and the bizarre phenomenon of being catfished. Plus, Tom attempts to turn a red squirrel, a pottery class, and a chicken jalfrezi into a meaningful story. If you've been thinking about therapy, BetterHelp can help you take the first step. Sign up and get 10% off at https://www. BetterHelp.com/wolfowl A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 01:10 Snapchat 02:21 Dog chat 04:01 A side note on testosterone 04:34 Dog walking 06:56 Tom’s signalling scheme 10:56 The trouble with Rom 11:44 Tom’s Heathrow story 16:19 Rom’s holiday 18:00 Asking for photos 21:37 Rom’s airport mishap 28:50 Fast food and foreign countries 34:11 Tom’s issue with Fagan 39:18 On Raya 41:37 A Raya role play 48:15 Tom’s Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Wolf, owl, wolf, owl, wolf, owl, wolf and owl, podcast time, wolf and owl, podcast time, wolf and owl, podcast time. Wolfie, wolfie, owl, owl, owl.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Hit it, Rom.

• 0:27Speaker 00

  Welcome.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  How are you well?

• 0:29Speaker 00

  Um, turn the wolf on our podcast.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  The shoulder went, so special there, boy.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  Uh, please like and subscribe.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Like and subscribe, are you kidding?

• 0:41Speaker 00

  Why did I, do you know what happened? I was embarrassed that I said please like and subscribe and then I did like a horrible little laugh.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it was.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  Oh, please like and subscribe. Awful, a horrible start. How are you?

• 0:51Speaker 01

  I'm good.

• 0:53Speaker 00

  What's wrong?

• 0:53Speaker 01

  I just love this energy from you.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  Um, feels like a long old time since I spoke to you last.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  We've both been to Portugal.

• 1:00Speaker 00

  Since I spoke to you last.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Well, we've spoken.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  We've spoken, yeah, we speak. We, we communicate every day, don't we? Whether it's text or phone call or.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09Speaker 00

  Carrier pigeon.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  I was thinking we could start Snapchat together.

• 1:12Speaker 00

  As a joke, what?

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Snapchat together.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Snapchat, um, so I downloaded Snap, well, yeah, I am actually nominally.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:20Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't have it.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Genuinely joking.

• 1:21Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't have, what happened was, is the kids were telling me about Snapchat, so I downloaded it. I went on for like thirty seconds and I was like.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Did you feel weird?

• 1:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not for me.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  What is?

• 1:33Speaker 00

  Cause they showed me what, what it is that they do, like they do things like, please don't, people have a go at me for not understanding this. They do like Snapchat streaks and stuff like that where they send each other photos every day and shit like that. It's, it's very young.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:46Speaker 00

  Too young for us.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, but we could send each other photos of what we're doing, like you.

• 1:49Speaker 00

  I know, but we can do that anyway, can't we?

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Hugging your dogs.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  But I like the filters on there.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  The, yeah, I remember the filters back in the day.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  The best filters.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's got incredible filters. So it's quite a lot of time when younger people get a selfie with you, they'll have Snapchat and they'll take it on Snapchat.

• 2:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, and also sometimes they'll ask for a photo with you and then put a filter.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  What, like a silly filter?

• 2:07Speaker 00

  On both of you, yeah. So somebody asks for a photo, then I get in there and then I look like a dog.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  I've heard that, yeah.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  Have you not?

• 2:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  It's happened to me more than once.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  Really?

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  You, you would be a cute dog. Is that?

• 2:21Speaker 01

  What sort of dog do you think you'd be if you were a dog?

• 2:23Speaker 00

  Um.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  A dash, dash out, little miniature dash out.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, maybe. I think you'd be, you'd be, oh, you're a lab, you've got Labrador.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've got Labrador. There's no, yeah, big lab.

• 2:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  Big love, quite a chunky lab.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Sort of sat at the, you know, always smells of Brussels sprouts when it farts.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  We're having a little bit of a problem with Ivy at the moment.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Well, what's happening? Ivy's your, like.

• 2:44Speaker 00

  We've got Reggie and Ivy. Reggie's the older boy, Ivy's the younger girl.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  Reggie's all about the least of life and.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, and also Reggie is very incredibly chilled out.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Um, and Ivy is not.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  High maintenance.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, she is. I mean, she's not, yeah, I would say she's high maintenance.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Diva.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  A little bit of a diva, yeah.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  I'd say that.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  You've got to be, yeah.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  Um, but what she's taken to doing is, is, um, be incredibly unpredictable in reacting to dogs on the walk.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 3:12Speaker 00

  So we take them out about seven o'clock in the morning.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 3:16Speaker 00

  Going along and loads of people are walking their dogs at that time, obviously.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Have you got dog walk friends?

• 3:22Speaker 00

  We've got people that you see every day, yeah.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  I don't stop and talk to them, no.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  But I would say you don't ever sort of go, hello, John, hello, come here. And you end up just.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  No.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  All four of you on a walk together?

• 3:32Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  Is that bad?

• 3:35Speaker 01

  No, cause that's usually how things transpire.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know, I know, but, but what I'm, the problem is, is I'm so erratic with how much I'm willing to talk at that time of the morning. Kind of like if I've been to the gym beforehand.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  So you get out of gym, you feel more conversational?

• 3:50Speaker 00

  If I've, if I've, if I've had a bit, like if I've done something before.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  If you've done a leg workout, testosterone's bursting through.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  No, my testosterone's not, testosterone, I can't even say it. My testosterone's not bursting through. By the way, just as a little aside, apparently we're, the, the nation is going through a testosterone peak.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  Really?

• 4:06Speaker 00

  Cause everybody's being misdiagnosed as, well, you know, because of all the adverts we're seeing online.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:12Speaker 00

  People are, are, are operating under the false assumption that they've got low testosterone levels and then taking boosters. And now testosterone's through the roof.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Are you taking boosters?

• 4:21Speaker 00

  No.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Yours, yours is pretty high, I mean.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  I had to, I mean, I talked about this on stage. I had really low, I got told I had the testosterone of a seventy year old man.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  What?

• 4:30Speaker 00

  About, must have been, whenever, when did I do cynics mixtape? Five, six years ago? No, it must have been longer than that. And then I ended up taking, what did I end up taking? Some sort of thing. I didn't get prescribed anything, but I just sorted it out. Apparently if you wake up in the morning and you haven't got a full erection.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:45Speaker 00

  That's a red flag.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, for heart disease and testosterone.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  For heart disease as well?

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  I read a guy put on, my algorithm's packed full of this sort of stuff.

• 4:55Speaker 00

  Well, you're, so you're part of the, you're one of the, you're one of, not part of the problem, you could never be part of a problem.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  You're one of the victims, potential victims of testosterone influencing.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 00

  Testosterone influencing. Well, that's what, that's what I read, but remember I, I, I dip in and read a little bit and then I don't.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, so someone, I, I know a little bit and his thing was, he had a heart attack and when he said one of the red flags he wished he, that is, he had trouble getting and maintaining an erection.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  Right.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  And there was not enough blood pumping to, to his penis from his heart.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 5:27Speaker 01

  So that was one of the things he was most worried about.

• 5:29Speaker 00

  Right.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  Okay, um.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Well, this is great chat, by the way, for the morning when you're dog walking.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, so the point I'm trying to make is sometimes if I've done something beforehand, then I'm quite full of vim.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:42Speaker 00

  You know, when I head out and if somebody chats, I'll probably have a chat. But sometimes I literally, I roll out of bed.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  Go down, get the dogs and then head outside and then I'm not really.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I, I think what you wanna do is, is just have, it's almost like a non-committal person that you just chat. Some days you're really chatting with them, other days.

• 5:59Speaker 00

  Hmm, I think there should be for morning walks, because I have a number of issues with, okay. So you know how you're, you're a very sociable guy and I actually wish I was more like you in many ways, actually.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:12Speaker 00

  For one, for example, if we're sharing, sometimes I wish I was white. But when, you know, like how you are open to like just talking to people, I'm not as good at that, right? And so sometimes what happens is I, I will not talk to people because I'm preempting a time when I'm not gonna be in the mood to talk to somebody. And then they're gonna think I'm rude. So I think if you set an, if you set a bar of like, it's just hello, then I'm never gonna disappoint that person. That's where it's coming from. I'm not saying it's right, but that's where it's coming from.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  But also I think you could, number one, I think people wouldn't be too offended. You, what you could do is get some T-shirts.

• 6:49Speaker 00

  Tom, I was, that's exactly where I was going to. I think there should be a color, it should be a color coding system.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  Cause you know, they, they have that in like, in homosexual clubs, if you have certain bandanas.

• 6:58Speaker 00

  Clubs actually, mate, in my eyes.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  No, but thi- this is.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  No, but in homosexual bars, clubs.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  Just bars to me.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Okay. But no, just by the very, I mean, I don't, maybe I have got this wrong as a thing, but they have a bandana scheme, right?

• 7:17Speaker 00

  A bandana scheme, you've got to be, I really.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  I, I think we'll have to Google it.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  Okay, so they've got a bandana scheme.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  I was told this by someone.

• 7:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  A friend, I had, I had like, like a, like a sort of scarf thing in my pocket, back pocket.

• 7:30Speaker 00

  Right, as a style thing.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  And they said, oh, that would mean if you were in a certain gut about like gay bar or club.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  Just a bar to me.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  That would mean that you were up for this or that.

• 7:40Speaker 00

  Right.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, so you're on to something.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a signalling.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Gay, gay clubs and queer spaces historically use a bandana signalling system known as the handkerchief code or flagging.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  Right.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  People, uh, people tuck coloured bandanas into their back pockets to non-verbally show specific sexual interest kinks or preferences.

• 7:58Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  So I had a yellow bandana.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Tied around your erect cock.

• 8:06Speaker 00

  Does that signify leave me alone? I just, I just sort of get on with stuff quietly. Please don't approach me.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  The idea of a bandana not being able to see you've got an erect cock. What does yellow mean?

• 8:19Speaker 00

  This would be a very difficult system for me because I don't see colour.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  Are you, oh, God. I literally nearly got suckered into going colourblind and.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Well, I can see why if they found yellow funny.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Why?

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Uh, yellow means that you're into water sports.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 8:36Speaker 00

  So you were right to be wearing it.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  One on the left means that you're the pisser, ones on the right means you get pissed on.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  I had it in the right, yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 00

  So, wow, that's quite a, that's quite a complex code, so yeah, a yellow hanky in the right pocket means you wanna get pissed on.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  Is that the pissy?

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. What colour would you most likely wear on?

• 8:57Speaker 00

  Uh, let's have a look, yeah.

• 9:00Speaker 00

  Um, I would probably say that I'm a, a latex bottom, so charcoal.

• 9:08Speaker 00

  In the left. No, charcoal in the right.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  You wear so much blue.

• 9:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, uniform, uniform fetish.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that, that, you, what?

• 9:17Speaker 00

  You could, I'm, some of the wording of this, I'm either a cop or a cop sucker.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, that means you're, somebody sets a cop's day.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Oh, does it? Is that what you think it means in that context?

• 9:40Speaker 00

  Um, anyway, I, what I don't want is to suggest to John who walks his black lab that I'm a copsucker.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  Next, the next thing, next day, he's got a policeman's hat on. Fucking hell. So, um.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  And I, if you and Reggie are sitting looking at you going, I think you had to do that.

• 9:56Speaker 00

  Just Reggie, like, there's Lisa going, Reggie looks traumatised. Why is he?

• 10:02Speaker 00

  Reggie, don't fucking say anything about this to anybody. Um, but I do think a colour coding of how open you are to chat.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  They have that at bars, don't they? Like, um, not as complicated a code as that, but if I'm, you, you can say single or attached or willing to chat or not willing to.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  By the colours of clothing you're wearing.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  It's half, men's clothing is very like similar, do you know what I mean? Women wear a lot more colours than men.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I think you can do like a little dash. You don't have to do a full.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  You don't have to go top to toe.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, like a sort of orange tie.

• 10:33Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  Like over a sort of T-shirt, that was a.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  Like wacky.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  I mean, I think if you're wearing a tie over a T-shirt, that would say.

• 10:43Speaker 00

  That would say, I've just arrived from nineteen eighty-five.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, but.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  And I've come to see how the future works out.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it would also say that I'm pretty wacky and I'm up for a laugh.

• 10:54Speaker 03

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• 11:20Speaker 04

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• 11:50Speaker 01

  The trouble you've got as well is, I think.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  That I've got.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  No, yeah, genuinely, I think is that people make an assumption of, of like, even if you're being funny. One of the things that I find funniest is when you're quite curt. Do you know what I mean?

• 12:04Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, but I don't, I don't, look, I, I don't wanna, I don't think I'm being curt. It's just, I'm just being too.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  You're being yourself.

• 12:11Speaker 00

  I accidentally am curt.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  No, no, yeah, but it's, but it's very funny when you do, when, when you're feeling uneasy about something at times or like a conversation, it's very funny. But also you have a preconception of how you are with calling, you know, someone a prick or, or being very, like, sort of, I don't, I don't wanna say, I don't think you're a grumpy guy.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  I think sometimes your public persona is this.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Um, whereas mine is very much a gregarious idiot.

• 12:37Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Like, I, I paid the price for this at the airport, going to Portugal. So we took arrive at Heathrow. We booked a, booked a wheelchair for Catherine, uh, to, to take her into the, to the airport. Wheelchair wasn't there, so she was like, you run in and try and find it. I genuinely spent about half an hour, forty minutes. Really now stressing because I'm like, we're getting later and later for the flight.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  How do you book a wheelchair for the flight?

• 12:58Speaker 01

  You had to phone up for the assistance, phone up British Airways.

• 13:01Speaker 00

  Right.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  They let us down. So then I went to a desk and a woman was like, oh no, you don't, you have to pick up, there's an exterior wheelchair that you bring in here. You bring her in on the exterior one and then we give you the other wheelchair.

• 13:12Speaker 00

  It's an indoor, outdoor wheelchair, makes sense.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, so you have to now go to this assistant's desk. I went to that assistant's desk and they were like, oh, you need a form from BA. I was like, I just spoke to BA. So then I had to go back to BA and said, they said I need a form. And the woman went, oh, of course you do. That's my, you know, so now I had to get the form, go anyway. I was so stressed.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  This sounds, by the way, this sounds dreadful.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  It was awful. I'm now getting more and more stressed. Catherine's texting going, what's going on? Um, she at the moment, by the way, is, she feels uneasy about not being able to do anything.

• 13:38Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  So she's getting more and more stressed by this and, and, you know, and stressed by the fact we're now getting later and later towards the flight.

• 13:45Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Um, and then, actually, I will just shout out, we, we use Airport. Have you ever used them?

• 13:50Speaker 00

  No.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  To send your baggage in front of you.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  No, what's that?

• 13:53Speaker 01

  You, you can get them to pick up your baggage, put it on the plane for you.

• 13:56Speaker 00

  Pick up from where?

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Pick up from your house. They take it from your house the day before.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Are you winding me up?

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Genius. I, I only used it because I was like, we've got four ca, three cases and some golf clubs, right, to take, so.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  I understand. You've got to take your golf clubs because Catherine's incapacitated, so you might as well head out.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  So I can get out and she can't do anything about it.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  She's trapped in the villa.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  She's trapped, which I locked her in the room for the whole day.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  You got to.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Me and Grace went to swimming pool. Um, she could watch us from the balcony.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  Like rear window. Um, so, yeah, so they, they take, they take care of everything. Sort of had the Apple tags. I, I was geeking out on the Apple tags.

• 14:32Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  I was just watching the bags. I would say Airport, I shout them out. Great, great service.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Um, so I'm sprinting around the airport, getting more and more stressed. As I'm then coming out, I've got people sort of saying hello and if they, everyone's in a jovial mood.

• 14:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, you get recognised, I understand, yeah.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  People going on holiday, everyone's, you know, and I'm trying to be nice, but I'm getting more and more stressed at this point. And then as I'm walking out, as I'm wa, walking towards the exit of Heathrow, I, I start walking to this guy and his family and this guy smiles and goes, Tom, Tom. I'm like, and I sort of was like, really like tense at this point. I was getting more and more like, because I couldn't find this wheelchair. And then I clock it, Zai Bennett, uh, like, you know, we know Zai, lovely Zai. Um, and I was like, I had to put on a whole thing of, uh, this happy guy, happy-go-lucky guy.

• 15:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  I start, literally, it's like I'm playing a part in something and bless Zai, I went, are you okay? And I went, no, I'm not. And I started, I, it was like no one had asked me if I was okay for about two weeks. I just absolutely melted. I just started telling him all my problems and then he's going, it's okay, mate, you're all right. Do you need a hand? His wife was absolutely lovely. She's like, if you need anything, you know, and I was like, oh, and as I walked away, I thought, what an awful thing I've done. I've just outlaid all my problems.

• 15:43Speaker 00

  Imagine Zai Bennett's wife going, what the fuck did you do that for?

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Why did you start talking to that fucking guy?

• 15:49Speaker 00

  He was walking, he was in a rush and he called him back for what? For us to therapise him?

• 15:56Speaker 01

  I felt so bad. And then, then I internalised that for about two, that Catherine was like, they probably even thought of it again.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  I tried to find Zai, Zai in, to apologise and I couldn't find him anywhere.

• 16:06Speaker 00

  Hmm. Um, listen, I think the best thing to do at that point is leave him alone.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. His kid's going, why is that man crying, dad? I was as close to tears. I can't ha, what I realised is.

• 16:16Speaker 00

  Mate, I, I.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  I can't handle that kind of stuff.

• 16:19Speaker 00

  You can, you handled it.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  I, I, yeah, I, I was then, I get to the thing, I'm there with Catherine, Catherine's like, you know, you okay? And I'm like, yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then these guys come out with this wheelchair and then the guy almost tipped her out of it when we get to the BA desk. Because they can't go after a certain point. It was insane.

• 16:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's tricky that.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Like, looking after someone the whole, she, she can't do anything, bless her. It's so difficult for her. And I'm like, it constantly, I just feel so, you know, she's basically, is it incapacitated?

• 16:48Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, it's, she couldn't even go in the pool the whole time we're there.

• 16:52Speaker 00

  Really?

• 16:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And it was awful because me and Grace were having such fun in the pool. It felt bad.

• 16:57Speaker 00

  Did you make sure you stayed right in front of her?

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Well, we had to, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:00Speaker 00

  Just to sort of really rub it in.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  I mean, what was nice is when he antibiotics, she had to stop having the antibiotics. She started drinking and she became a lot more fun then.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  Hmm. I, um.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  How was your holiday?

• 17:13Speaker 00

  My holiday was a delight.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  It was ama, it looked and sounded amazing.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 17:18Speaker 01

  I saw some pictures on someone's phone.

• 17:20Speaker 00

  On whose phone?

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Someone had taken a pic, well, you took a lovely picture of you and Alex.

• 17:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  I literally, by the way, went and sat at the same table.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  Did you?

• 17:28Speaker 01

  With Grace and Catherine, uh, at Tony's, shout out Tony's pizzas in, uh, in, a quid of a lago. Um.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Someone came up to me.

• 17:37Speaker 00

  Tony's does not need a shout out.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Shout, Tony's is incredible.

• 17:41Speaker 00

  Anyway, go on.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Someone came up to me that, I don't know if they got a selfie of you and they'd taken a picture of you, like when you were sitting somewhere.

• 17:48Speaker 00

  What did this guy look like?

• 17:54Speaker 00

  What are you laughing at?

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Just the way you said that. I've known you for years and years, right? That is the most fucking aggressively like.

• 18:03Speaker 00

  No, what did this guy look like?

• 18:04Speaker 01

  I'm trying to think where, there was two guys that came up. There was, there was a guy, uh, quite a tall, blondish guy who came over.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  Okay, it's not.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  He'd taken a, I think he'd had a selfie of you, I think. Uh, and there was another guy who came up, Indian guy, who'd taken a picture of you.

• 18:20Speaker 00

  Okay. So the reason I ask who this guy, what, what this guy looked like.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Because it, can I say, one of them was a picture of you, a selfie, the other person had taken a picture of you, you're not, he's not in the picture. You're with your family.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think that, okay, that's a bit weird.

• 18:32Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:32Speaker 00

  Did I know the picture's been taken?

• 18:34Speaker 01

  No, that's what I mean. That's what I, I was like, he literally came up to me and went, oh, I saw your mate the other day. And I, I knew obviously who he meant straight. I said, oh, yeah, yeah, I missed him just, yeah. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, he was just here. And he showed me this picture and you were, yeah.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  So he'd taken a picture of you.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  What the fuck is going, sorry, what the fuck is going on?

• 18:54Speaker 01

  You know, by the way, this is weird. And he went, yeah, but I didn't wanna interrupt his dinner. And I said, can I just say, in future, go up? And say, can I have a picture or don't, but taking a picture of someone eating family.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  Thanks, thank you for doing the honour of pretending that that's what you said to him.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  No, I swear.

• 19:15Speaker 00

  Somebody, somebody came over, cause now I'm about to say the exact opposite to what you said.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  By the way, I just wanna clear this up. It's an honour to have people come and answer photos of you, right? It's incredible. And it's like, we're very lucky that people even wanna do that.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:28Speaker 00

  Having said that, I was at a restaurant.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  In Portugal, I'm eating.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:34Speaker 00

  Mouthful.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  Somebody comes over, says, can I get a photo, right?

• 19:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  Can he take it and then gives the phone to Alex?

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. That's happened before as well.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  It has happened once before. And, and, and I sort of, um, basically I've got a situation where my children are more socially trained than I am. Cause Alex immediately is at the camera and was like, I'm just gonna bring this to a swift end and take the photo.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  But that's quite, uh, uh, uh, listen, I, uh, uh, I do not blame, uh, pretty much don't blame anyone for their behaviour when they come up to you. Because I think when you see somebody you recognise.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  I think it fires off some different, there's an adrenaline thing or whatever. I'm not saying that I induce an adrenaline spike, but what I mean is when you see somebody that you recognise.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  I can tell you, by the way, the guy who took the picture of you was still buzzing off taking the picture of you.

• 20:23Speaker 00

  Well, he's a voyeur.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, he is, he's a pervy.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  No, but, um, w- w- the.

• 20:28Speaker 01

  By the way, the most awkward, sorry, to interrupt, the most awkward thing of this is I'm queuing outside Tony's for Grace to have her face painted and to get it. So I'm with a load of other parents.

• 20:37Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  And as he's showing me the picture and I say what I said about it, a lot of other people are going, mate, that's really fucking weird. Like genuinely. Yeah, cause it's weird.

• 20:46Speaker 00

  That's so good.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  It's really strange.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  It's really strange.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  It's a strange thing to do.

• 20:49Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  And he's going, oh, yeah, yeah, but I thought it was being polite. And I was like, no, it's, that's not a polite.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  Um, but, so, so I sort of, I, I sort of don't, um, mind.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:01Speaker 00

  And, and, and even if somebody says, if, even if somebody tries to banter you in a clumsy way.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  I sort of think, whatever, man, like, you, you do what I mean? It's like.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:08Speaker 00

  You're in a high, uh, uh, whatever, there, people just say weird things when they meet somebody they recognise. So you kind of forgive anything. And so I also kind of forgive, not forgive, there's nothing to forgive, but I, I, I, I think it was weird that that guy did that, but I get it, right?

• 21:22Speaker 01

  I find it weird because there's selfies now.

• 21:24Speaker 00

  I know, but, but, but what I don't understand is, I just find, um, taking a photo with somebody, full stop. Quite weird when you're an adult, do you know what I mean? Like, A- A- Alex will like to, he loves to take photo, he loves football.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:39Speaker 00

  So whenever he sees a football, he wants a photo. And I think, well, that's a fourteen year old kid.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  But like, if you happen to be at the same place as somebody and you take their photo, I just sort of think, if I, like, I, I think if I saw. I don't wanna go on about this, Raiders, but if I saw Thierry Henry, I wouldn't approach him for a photo. I think we said this before, but like, I find the whole idea of taking photos.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Is there anyone that you'd see and go, I'll get a picture of them?

• 22:03Speaker 00

  No.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Sometimes I.

• 22:04Speaker 00

  Maybe John, if, if I, if I was out and about and I saw John and I didn't know he was gonna be there, I'd get a photo with him.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  I would probably get a picture of John if I saw him to send to you.

• 22:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  And go, oh, look, I've just seen John at the cinema.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 00

  Uh, uh, uh, and then I'd go, did you really just see him? Or was it a wolf for now, thinking that I wasn't invited to?

• 22:20Speaker 01

  Ben's here as well.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 00

  And then I'd start spinning out.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  So is JT, we're all here. Uh, it's really weird, everyone's here, um.

• 22:30Speaker 00

  When, when we were on holiday, um, so Lisa and Charlie.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:35Speaker 00

  Charlie had to get back for all of us, so they.

• 22:37Speaker 01

  Shout out Charlie.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, so they came back a day earlier than us.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  It's mad that the holidays used to end with you having to go back to work and then Charlie.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  Charlie had to go back for work commitments. Well, we were all gonna come back at the same time. And then I said to Lisa, well, Alex and I don't need to come back, so we could stay out for another day.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 00

  So we stayed out for another day and, uh, went out for dinner, went and played a bit of foot golf, had a great day.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Foot golf?

• 22:58Speaker 00

  Just me and Alex, yeah?

• 22:59Speaker 01

  That's incredible.

• 23:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, foot golf is like literally, it's five minutes from the hotel you're staying at.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, I didn't even know that.

• 23:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't think Catherine would have loved it.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  No, no, I mean, I went out and played golf and she wasn't very happy about me going for six hours.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  No, um, but, uh, when we're at the airport, it was just me, me and Alex, obviously. And, um, the flight got delayed.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Always.

• 23:19Speaker 00

  So we're sitting there and I'm looking at the board and.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  Even on a private jet?

• 23:23Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 23:24Speaker 01

  Even on a PJ?

• 23:28Speaker 00

  I told you, Tom, I only got a PJ out there. Um, no, um, so we're flying back and all of the things were all on time except for our flight. And then all of the red boxes were coming up for like board now or closing or whatever. And I've just like looked from a distance and it's gone boarding, right? So I've gone, right, Alex, let's go to the flight. And then this is closing and I'm like, okay, they've obviously delayed the flight and now they're ready to go. And I don't know why they've done this, but it's gone from like delayed to like.

• 23:59Speaker 01

  All hands on deck.

• 24:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, all hands on deck. So Alex starts panicking, right?

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Oh, bless him.

• 24:04Speaker 00

  So, so he goes, are we gonna miss the flight? And he goes, this is bad. And then just for a joke, I went, it's not great, but, but I was only joking, right? But he wasn't panicking in that session. And then we run, we run up the escalators, we get to the gate, she goes, is it just you two? And I go, yeah, and like everybody's going through. And then I show the boarding pass and she says, this is the wrong flight. And Alex looked at me and.

• 24:29Speaker 00

  Look, I saw something dying, is like a, a bit of respect for me disappear. I, I don't think it's gonna take a while for me to get that back, but he, he, he looks, cause he's, he's with his dad.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Also, by the way.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  And your dad's supposed to be like an, I'm looking after him.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  And I fucked up.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  And also can I say, he's had an amazing twenty four hours, Tony's pizza, I'm guaranteed.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Lovely pizza, probably some sides.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Tony does incredible sides.

• 24:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Right, you then have foot golf.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Great way to spend some time, just to tour you.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  Had a nice drink at a cafe afterwards.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  Who won foot golf?

• 25:00Speaker 00

  He, it was humiliation, actually, he.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  Really?

• 25:02Speaker 00

  He really.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  He's a good footballer, right?

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, did you, anything?

• 25:07Speaker 00

  I made the mistake of wearing slides.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  What?

• 25:09Speaker 00

  Well.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  You wore sliders to foot golf?

• 25:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  What were you thinking?

• 25:14Speaker 00

  I, I didn't think.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Did he take football boots?

• 25:17Speaker 00

  He didn't take football boots.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know you, you'd be, you'd have shinners on.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Full foot.

• 25:23Speaker 00

  He just had trainers on.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  But I had slides.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  What trainers did he wear?

• 25:27Speaker 00

  Uh, I don't know.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Some pair of knicks or something.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Okay. What you've got on now would be great for foot golf.

• 25:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I wasn't wearing those, I was wearing.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Did you have to take slides off?

• 25:38Speaker 00

  I thought about it, but it's quite dusty, that foot golf area.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I'd have done it to be competitive.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, but what it was, it gave me a handy excuse.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, but can I, can I just ask roughly, how many did he beat you by?

• 25:53Speaker 00

  Not loads, but there's a couple of.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Did you get the ball off the air with slide, uh, in the air with?

• 25:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  With sliders?

• 25:58Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  That's amicable. That's good.

• 26:01Speaker 00

  Uh, admirable.

• 26:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was amicable.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  What I love is whenever this happens, I just think of all the times I've used that word wrong in a fucking sentence to someone, I don't really know.

• 26:25Speaker 00

  No, but I do that, I do that, I, I, I've done that, um, a lot, I've discovered a few words where you get so used to using them in a certain context. And, and actually, sometimes when you're using them in the right context, people just, or the context that you think they should be, people don't pick you, they won't pick you up.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  But sooner someone went, sorry, yeah.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Well, would you?

• 26:43Speaker 01

  Because. Yeah, because I've been saying amicable in a whole different.

• 26:47Speaker 00

  I know, but I think I'm coming across as, I'm coming across as a bit of a prick there.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  Actually, I'm do, am I doing it to be helpful? I've got a question, my motive, sir.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, but.

• 26:56Speaker 00

  Am I, am I actually doing it to be helpful?

• 26:57Speaker 01

  No, you're doing it as a prick, I don't think you're, you're doing it, you're doing it for a laugh. And, but I will say that with me and you quite a lot of the time, we, you know, if I'm getting interviewed about a really, really, really sensitive subject on a one show. And I use amicable.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  Wrong.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Just, um, the way that they stood up to the fascists there was incredibly amicable.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Thank you, yeah, exactly, Tom.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, and the bravery he showed in the face of the attacker was amicable.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Well, yes, it was. Anyway, from that, we're gonna go on to Barney. Everyone's favourite dinosaur is doing a new one man show. Uh, anyway, um, I love the one show for that.

• 27:49Speaker 01

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• 29:55Speaker 01

  So, so what was the score?

• 29:57Speaker 00

  I can't remember, but he beat me.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 29:59Speaker 00

  He beat me by quite a bit. But we had a great time and then we're at the airport and then I show him that I'm not a good caregiver.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, but did you buy him something after? Did you go for food after?

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, we had, went for food after, yeah.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, Burger King?

• 30:12Speaker 00

  He, I, we both had Burger King, actually.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that Burger King, that on your way home Burger King's like a signing off for the holiday, I think. It's a beautiful thing. It was just, I, I think that that's the last treat before you go back to a air of normality. I think like all foreign fast food outlets.

• 30:29Speaker 00

  Oh, sorry, God.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Tastes so much better and different.

• 30:34Speaker 00

  Do you think so?

• 30:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  For all foreign food tastes so much different in there.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Like McDonald's, Burger King, KFC. Can I just say that? I think the difference between an airport Burger King and a services Burger King, even if it's a services Burger King in Portugal, France, Germany is far better than an English one.

• 30:52Speaker 00

  You really think so?

• 30:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:53Speaker 00

  Why?

• 30:54Speaker 01

  I'd die on that hill. Just the care that's given to it and the taste of it.

• 30:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  I'd say that I've had, I've had a Burger King in, um, uh, Portugal, outstanding at a shopping centre. Went to a shopping centre when I've been back here, had a Burger King. It was embarrassing. I, I sometimes just wanna go up and go, "Come on, guys, please."

• 31:13Speaker 00

  You really can't handle not being their voice anymore, can you?

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, it hurts me.

• 31:20Speaker 00

  Do you think that, so, I think getting a Burger King at an airport in Portugal is fine.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:28Speaker 00

  You're having a Burger King when you're out and about in Portugal, eh?

• 31:30Speaker 01

  When we went to, we went to the shopping centre here.

• 31:32Speaker 00

  Okay, fine, all right, fine.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  Burger King, great.

• 31:33Speaker 00

  But you wouldn't roll the dice in the food court in Portugal?

• 31:36Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I had mine at a little Mexican spot, but it was at the queue. We, we went on a bank holiday.

• 31:42Speaker 00

  Right.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  In Portugal, it was rammed.

• 31:44Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:46Speaker 00

  Fiesta Bangia?

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Is that what it's called?

• 31:49Speaker 00

  No, I've got no idea.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  That's quite a nice, yeah. Um, Catherine in a wheelchair.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Um, and Grace being absolutely mad.

• 31:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you decided to go for a quick thing?

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it was meant to be quick.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  But then Catherine wanted, Catherine wanted McDonald's or Burger King.

• 32:05Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, I, um, don't wanna make this a Burger King episode.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 00

  I think they also do this at McDonald's. Customising shit, man.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 00

  So sick.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, McDonald's do it, but Burger King were the people who brought it to the fore. It's so, it makes such a difference.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  Really good.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Could I, I, Burger King, great. McDonald's.

• 32:23Speaker 00

  If they don't give us some fucking sponsorship after this.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  McDonald's then pushed me through to go, I, I wanted to do the touchscreen thing because I don't speak Portuguese, right?

• 32:32Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  So, and then I've got to get Grace's Happy Meal and stuff.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  And they said, oh, they saw I was with Grace, they said, "Oh no, you go and order." I said, "No, I'm at the touchscreen." And they said, "No, no, no, go, go." Uh, I, you know when you just realise it's bordering on offensive how little I can actually, I don't speak. I'm trying to say chicken strips.

• 32:51Speaker 00

  Right.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  In Portuguese.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Um.

• 32:55Speaker 00

  What did you say?

• 32:55Speaker 01

  El pule strips.

• 32:57Speaker 00

  El pule strips?

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. Pule, pule, pule.

• 33:01Speaker 00

  What is it in Portuguese? Let's see how close you got. Tiraste frango?

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds so cool as well, doesn't it? I should have just looked on my phone, but I was so stressed.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  You should have done.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  I don't handle stress well.

• 33:12Speaker 00

  I'm pretty sure you can do like in the moment translation, can't you?

• 33:15Speaker 01

  You cannot, but I was so stressed, I was just, yeah.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  So you said el pule strips? Did they get it from pule strips?

• 33:20Speaker 01

  No. I then started describing them. I pointed at some chicken nuggets and I went, "This, but longer?" And she was like, "Yes, like this." And I was like, "No, like, longer." And then she was just like, had no idea what I meant.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  I think this guy needs a shift.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  And I said, "Just, and I just pointed at a wrap. I said, "Just give her one of them."

• 33:45Speaker 00

  So she got a wrap? So you didn't end up getting the chicken strips?

• 33:47Speaker 01

  No, because I just couldn't. So, but if I got.

• 33:49Speaker 00

  What did little G say to that?

• 33:50Speaker 01

  Well, she took the, the strip out of the wrap and ate it.

• 33:53Speaker 00

  Right, okay, so it worked, it worked all right.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I mean, but she would have preferred three instead of one.

• 33:58Speaker 00

  Oh, I see.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Daughter. But Burger King, yeah, I went there, had the touchscreen. It was a beautiful experience. The customisation is great.

• 34:04Speaker 00

  I mean, touchscreen is an awful thing, isn't it?

• 34:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is if you don't wash your hands.

• 34:08Speaker 00

  In a world in which we're trying to touch fewer things.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, but do you take wipes with you everywhere?

• 34:12Speaker 00

  Uh, I take Lisa with me everywhere and she has wipes.

• 34:16Speaker 01

  When she licks your, I was gonna say, what, she licks your?

• 34:17Speaker 00

  She licks my what, what?

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Licks your fingers off, you know, something.

• 34:20Speaker 00

  No, she.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  I've just done the touchscreen, Lisa, if you will.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Good, Lisa.

• 34:29Speaker 00

  How do you know I say that to her?

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Good girl.

• 34:32Speaker 00

  Clever girl.

• 34:35Speaker 00

  Daddy's fingers are dirty.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  Lisa, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is food's gonna take a little bit longer than we thought. The good news is I used a touchscreen.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  Drying them on Alex's shirt afterwards.

• 34:54Speaker 00

  It's great being on holiday, although, um, Lisa was really sad to come back.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, how long did she get? Four days, five days?

• 35:01Speaker 00

  Five days. It wasn't very long.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  Are you having another holiday, a longer one, or?

• 35:05Speaker 00

  Not this summer, no. The summers are done.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  Charlie's schedule is?

• 35:10Speaker 00

  It's relentless.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  When's he in Oliver Till?

• 35:14Speaker 00

  February.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  That's a long contract. What's that, two years?

• 35:17Speaker 00

  Well, you got extended. No, just over a year.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 35:20Speaker 00

  Eighteen months, I think.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  He's doing well then.

• 35:23Speaker 00

  I guess so, yeah. I don't, I don't know. I think part of it is how quickly they grow up. If he, if he'd have got taller, he'd be out.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd have been done, wouldn't I?

• 35:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, they wouldn't have let you.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  No, no, no, because I was at that age.

• 35:34Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, you could have played Fagan at nine.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Arguably, Fagan's less Nazi at nine.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  He, because Fagan's pretty much.

• 35:43Speaker 00

  Pretty much what?

• 35:44Speaker 01

  Well, he's got an air to him, isn't he?

• 35:46Speaker 00

  What air?

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Creepy. If you, you know, it's a, look, let's not beat around the bush. There's school of thought that Fagan, isn't one of the old actors that paid him being sort of alleged to be a bit of a wrong'un.

• 35:59Speaker 00

  Okay, listen, I'm not gonna speculate on who might have been a wrong'un. This is mad.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  Right, but I always thought Fagan, he lives in a house with a load of kids.

• 36:08Speaker 00

  Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not denying that's, all of that is, uh, is tricky to handle in 2026.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  His only thing that is, is his friendship with Nancy and I think, although Bill is a wrong'un, Nancy's a pretty decent human being.

• 36:21Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  I think. I like Nancy.

• 36:23Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  I think Nancy's.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, Nancy's great. She's got the best song as well.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh my God.

• 36:30Speaker 00

  As long as he needs me.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  That one?

• 36:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:37Speaker 00

  God, that was so sweet watching you do that.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  You've been having singer lessons, so.

• 36:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, your voice has improved. It's really amicable.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  Um.

• 36:48Speaker 00

  Would you ever be in a musical?

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, if it was the right thing.

• 36:51Speaker 00

  What part would you play? Were there any parts that you've watched that you thought I could be that guy?

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Well, Bill Sykes would be one I'd love.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, you'd be a great Bill Sykes.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  Bill Sykes would be fun. Uh, I was actually asked earlier this year to do, um, uh, they were trying to do, is it, um, what's the one where?

• 37:06Speaker 01

  What's it? Uh, it's the, the woman is being taught how to be. She's from a lower class and they're trying to teach her to be, um, posh and speak well and, and stuff. I can't remember, I don't know. Is it a lot of the do that was a character?

• 37:19Speaker 00

  Is it My Fair Lady?

• 37:20Speaker 01

  Is it My Fair Lady? So what they were doing is they were basically doing a flip on that. And instead of a, it was a male being like that and then a woman teaching him to be.

• 37:27Speaker 00

  Right.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Um, and they came to me to see if I'd wanna be in it.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  Um, what happened?

• 37:32Speaker 01

  I, I just had other stuff going on. I.

• 37:34Speaker 00

  Sure. You've got this to do, haven't you?

• 37:36Speaker 02

  My Fair Lady.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 00

  So it would have been My Fair Guy?

• 37:39Speaker 01

  I think it was something like.

• 37:40Speaker 00

  My Fair Man?

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:42Speaker 00

  My Fair Gentleman?

• 37:42Speaker 01

  My, my thing was I, I wouldn't have been confident enough singing.

• 37:45Speaker 00

  Right, but they would have trained you to do that.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I, yeah, I don't know. I just think.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  If I'm gonna be really honest.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  Please.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  When you were doing.

• 37:55Speaker 00

  I'd assume this whole time that you're being honest.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, but when you were doing theatre and some of that, I, what I witnessed was the work up towards it when you put so much in. How brilliant it was, the, the opening night and then this high and then the realisation you're doing it for fucking. Four months after. And the contract was like for a year, I think. They were asking for a year.

• 38:16Speaker 00

  A year? No, you can't do that.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  And then you're going, okay.

• 38:18Speaker 00

  You can't do that.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, sort of.

• 38:19Speaker 00

  You can't do that. You can't do that.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:23Speaker 00

  Um.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  But, uh, yeah.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  I could see doing like a little, do you know what I mean? Being in Les Mis or something.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, Les Mis would be, the, the pub landlord guy in Les Mis would be fun. But that's a hard song to do. Actually, do you know the Russell Crowe? Russell Crowe is singing. I mean, we're going back. The, him singing in Les Mis is insane.

• 38:41Speaker 00

  Was it? What? Good?

• 38:42Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  Right.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  It's like, he's up against Hugh Jackman, who I think is one of the greats. I think in everything Hugh Jackman does.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  I'd love to just be a personal assistant for months to Hugh Jackman. Like, just to be around him.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  Right.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  I adore Hugh Jackman, um, and everything he stands for, right?

• 38:57Speaker 00

  What does he stand for? Just give me the top bullet points of what Hugh Jackman stands for.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Musicals and just being nice.

• 39:02Speaker 00

  He stands for musicals and being nice.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just think he's a, so he's got a good, good egg, old Hugh.

• 39:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  Right. But in Russell Crowe, who I love, but Russell Crowe's singing is kind of. It's like, it's, it's almost like, yeah, there's just no tone to it.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, and you're worried that would be you.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  That that would be the takeaway.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  It's just got to be good enough not to bump people, right?

• 39:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Because that, that, because there's some parts that, like, so Nancy and Oliver, that's meant to be, holy shit, that's an amazing song. But other songs, it's just like. It's a character song, right?

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, but Fagan's got a lot of emotive.

• 39:36Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  Parts behind him.

• 39:38Speaker 00

  Um.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  I think I better think it out again.

• 39:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  A man's got a heart, isn't he? That, yeah.

• 39:46Speaker 00

  You really, I can't believe how, how well you know it.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, I love Oliver's voice.

• 39:50Speaker 00

  Um.

• 39:51Speaker 02

  Would you do musical theatre, Ron?

• 39:52Speaker 00

  Nope.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  You wouldn't do it?

• 39:54Speaker 00

  No.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  You would be sick. I, I would say.

• 39:56Speaker 00

  I can't sing.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  You were brilliant in theatre.

• 39:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, thank you. That's very kind of you. I said, yeah, instinctively. That was a horrible, that was a horrible thing to find out about yourself. Yeah, of course.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I read the reviews and I was in my body every night when I, when I got a standing ovation. Thank you.

• 40:11Speaker 00

  Um, I couldn't do musical theatre.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  Why not?

• 40:14Speaker 00

  Just can't. Can't sing.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  You can sing.

• 40:16Speaker 00

  I can't.

• 40:17Speaker 01

  If Lisa woke up one morning, she went, you have to do a musical, um, right? Or I'm taking the boys and the dogs and I'm gonna hide somewhere.

• 40:25Speaker 00

  I, I would, I guess, I, the first thing I'd do is, um, I would download Rea. Um.

• 40:34Speaker 00

  And I'll start to see what's out there.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  You fantasized about that, haven't you?

• 40:41Speaker 00

  No.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  Have you been on Rea before?

• 40:43Speaker 00

  No, I've not even, I don't even know what it looks like.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  No. I, I don't.

• 40:47Speaker 00

  I, I, I've got to say, the one thing that I'm sad about, no, it's not the one thing I'm sad about, sad about a lot of things. But one of the things that I'm sad about with regards to my relationship is that I was post the app, you know, I got hooked up post app.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  I don't think you should be sad about that. I wouldn't.

• 41:01Speaker 00

  No, but it would be fun to have a go, wouldn't it? Do you not think it'd be fun to have a go? I might just go on there. Do you reckon? Can you go on there and go, I'm just doing this to see? No, I don't think that's the, I don't think that's the right thing.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Fucking hell. Someone gets excited, they go on a date with one of us, ringing, I'm just going, I didn't see what's about, see what fluffs out there.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  Well, just keep Lisa on her toes. I, I'm just, uh, I'm just gonna see what's available, Lisa.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  I've had two people use my profile and my picture as their picture.

• 41:29Speaker 00

  Really?

• 41:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, which I find.

• 41:31Speaker 00

  Have they said they're you?

• 41:32Speaker 01

  I'm not sure. If you, I've, I've got, I've been messaging one from someone I know saying, this person in the Guildford area is using your picture.

• 41:39Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  And another one where it was just a random person on Instagram was going, look, I'm guessing that this isn't you, but this person's asking to meet me. And I think that was.

• 41:46Speaker 00

  And they're saying they're Tom Davis?

• 41:48Speaker 01

  I don't know if they were saying they were just using my picture.

• 41:50Speaker 00

  Right.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  Which I, I, I find that's a mad thing if you turn up. That's just a really weird catfish, isn't it? Cause at some point you're gonna meet and you're gonna go, that's not.

• 41:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know. But I think, I think, cause some people, I've seen, there's a show Catfish, isn't there?

• 42:05Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 42:05Speaker 00

  I saw a bit of it.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  I was addicted.

• 42:06Speaker 00

  Where some of the guys think that they'll use a different picture and then when they meet up and look different, they'll have got to like them so much that that'll become irrelevant, right?

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. Have you not watched Catfish, the original movie? Oh my god, it's incredible.

• 42:21Speaker 00

  But, um, that's a bit like, you know, when you watch Love is Blind?

• 42:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:25Speaker 00

  Which I do religiously. Uh, when you watch Love is Blind. It's just, I just feel.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  A new thing you're doing. A new shtick. I love how awkward you feel about it.

• 42:34Speaker 00

  I'm gonna start doing little John Krasinski office bits to.

• 42:40Speaker 00

  Um, um, but when you watch Love is Blind, they all pretend that they're not into looks.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:46Speaker 00

  And then they have that horrible.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I don't think you'd look at my profile and go, oh, someone that, that's based on looks. I don't think that's right. That's why you, you're using my picture. Cause you could use any picture, couldn't you? Yeah, so, right, you, you, you run it past Lisa.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Right. Let's, let's, let's, I'm Lisa, you're you.

• 43:03Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  It's, it's breakfast or when would you have this conversation about?

• 43:07Speaker 00

  When would I have the conversation about me going onto a dating app?

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, to try, yeah.

• 43:11Speaker 00

  Uh, probably morning, yeah.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. Um, morning babe, you all right?

• 43:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, hi Lisa, you're right. Um, I, um.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  God, I'm so tired. Went out for a run and did some Pilates. That's me, I guess.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  Um. Yeah, well, yeah, good, well done.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Oh, by the way, you were snoring last night.

• 43:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Do I snore?

• 43:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, a little bit. Uh, Alex, your dad said, did he snore? Yeah, you snored.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  Why have you already given yourself an extra character?

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Sorry. Yeah, you snored, dad.

• 43:57Speaker 00

  Okay, sorry, sorry guys for snoring. Sorry, sorry. So was it annoying?

• 44:00Speaker 01

  This big house, but like, you wake everyone up.

• 44:05Speaker 00

  I wake everyone in the house up?

• 44:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:06Speaker 00

  Jesus.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I nudged you a couple of times and you woke up.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  Hmm. Um.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  And I also noticed you didn't have an erection this morning. So I think you should have your testosterone looked at.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  Um, I need to have a little bit of a chat with you. Why are you giggling so much, Lisa?

• 44:33Speaker 00

  You've just told me that you think I've got low testosterone and it's sort of sent you off on a. Cause that's actually, that's, no, but that's a conditioned thing, isn't it?

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm sorry.

• 44:41Speaker 00

  It's weird that you find that funny.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  This morning.

• 44:43Speaker 00

  About my low testosterone?

• 44:45Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no, no. I have something Alex said before you came in the room.

• 44:47Speaker 00

  What did he say?

• 44:50Speaker 01

  Well, I said, I noticed this morning your dad didn't have an erection.

• 44:54Speaker 00

  Why would you talk to Alex about my erection?

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Well, I just needed to talk to someone and none of the women at Pilates, um, had any kind of answers for me.

• 45:03Speaker 00

  So you'd already talked to the women at Pilates about it?

• 45:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:05Speaker 00

  And you talked to our son about it?

• 45:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:07Speaker 00

  Well, this makes what I'm about to say a little bit easier, actually. Um, because you know, look, obviously I love you very much.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  I love you too. Oh, by the way, I've brought you a present. A new scarf.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  A new scarf?

• 45:20Speaker 01

  Yes. It's blue. You can, you can wear it out.

• 45:24Speaker 00

  Oh, is this to suggest, to indicate to the dog all because I'm a cocksucker?

• 45:30Speaker 01

  I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry, what were you saying?

• 45:34Speaker 00

  Um, well, I just thought it'd be fun to, um, I, I don't, I don't mean to, I, I just thought it'd be a fun thing. We were talking, I was talking about it with Tom.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  Are you talking about Centre Parks again?

• 45:47Speaker 00

  No.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 45:49Speaker 00

  Um, I was talking to Tom about it.

• 45:50Speaker 01

  Lost Lisa's voice a bit there. Are you talking about Centre Parks?

• 45:52Speaker 00

  Um, the implication there is that you'd had Lisa's voice at any point. Um, I just wanted to, Tom and I were chatting about a dating app.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Oh, Tom, he's such a sweet guy.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  Really?

• 46:03Speaker 01

  He's so kind.

• 46:04Speaker 00

  But you, for the last couple of weeks, you've been saying, why do you insist on still doing that podcast with him?

• 46:11Speaker 01

  He's so, so sweet and he's always got your best interests at heart.

• 46:14Speaker 00

  You said he was a leech the other day.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  I said he reminded me of your old friend.

• 46:19Speaker 00

  You said he's a horrible leech that forces you to do this podcast, even though it's going nowhere.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you know what? Then I started thinking about it. I started thinking how, how happy you always seem.

• 46:31Speaker 00

  Do you remember when you, you remember when you looked on his Instagram and he said, he's such a thirsty?

• 46:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the thing about, you know what, when I've had a couple of drinks, what I can be like, I say things that I don't always mean.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  I think Phil, I thought you meant that.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  It's like the other week when we were out and I was like, um.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  What about the other day when you said to me, are you certain he's never had a head injury?

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's like the other week when I ca- you came out and I said you look really, really nice and that.

• 46:59Speaker 00

  So you were drunk?

• 47:00Speaker 01

  Bright yellow T-shirt.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  You know, I didn't necessarily mean it, but it made you feel good about yourself.

• 47:07Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Sometimes I'm mean about Tom to make you feel better.

• 47:09Speaker 00

  The reason I was wearing that T-shirt is for reasons that I don't really want to talk to you about right now.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Okay, so why insisted going to the, to the bar?

• 47:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:18Speaker 01

  And even though it wasn't raining, you came home drenched.

• 47:22Speaker 00

  Correct.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 47:24Speaker 00

  Anyway, Tom and I were talking about dating apps and I thought it would be, it's like not a serious thing, but I thought it would be fun to just download it and just.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Which one are you thinking about going on?

• 47:34Speaker 00

  Well, the one that sort of like people in sort of our industry go on to is Raya.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  What's that all about? What is that?

• 47:41Speaker 00

  It's a dating app.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  Like the singer?

• 47:43Speaker 00

  That's Ray.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 47:47Speaker 00

  But yes, like the singer, if you put an A on the end, yeah.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  So what you're gonna, you wanna go on a dating app?

• 47:53Speaker 00

  Well, I don't want, uh, yeah, I do want.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  So what's your, what, what's, what are you thinking? What's the end?

• 47:58Speaker 00

  There's no end thing. I just think it'd be funny to see how it goes down.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  Oh, you're just gonna have sex with random people?

• 48:03Speaker 00

  Um, I'm not gonna have sex with random people. No, I'm not gonna have sex with anybody.

• 48:07Speaker 01

  So what, you're just leading people up the garden path?

• 48:09Speaker 00

  Well, no, I'm not gonna say, I'm, I'm not gonna do that either. I'm just gonna, you know.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  So, oh, this is all about your ego. You wanna feel attractive.

• 48:17Speaker 00

  Well, I hadn't thought about it like that, but now you say that, I've got to say, yeah, that's probably, that's part of it.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  What would you feel like if I went, oh, I'm on Tinder and I put pictures of me in like sexy clothing on there and loads of people like them?

• 48:29Speaker 00

  I'd love that for you.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  Well, I'm gonna do that.

• 48:33Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  And you know the mechanic who does our car?

• 48:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  He's on there.

• 48:37Speaker 00

  What, what, in what world, Lisa, are you under the impression that we have a regular mechanic that does our car?

• 48:44Speaker 01

  Well, you know, Ian does the car.

• 48:46Speaker 00

  Ian? Yeah.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. He plays golf on Tuesdays.

• 48:49Speaker 00

  Right.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's got the goatee.

• 48:52Speaker 00

  Ian with the goatee?

• 48:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:54Speaker 00

  Who's the mechanic that plays golf on Tuesdays? Yeah, what about him?

• 48:57Speaker 01

  He, well, he's always smarter when I'm around. So I was just saying, I'll put, yeah, I'll put myself on Tinder and see who gets.

• 49:04Speaker 00

  Here's a little fun fact, uh, for you about Ian. I bumped into him while wearing a yellow T-shirt.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  To be fair, I actually think you handled that pretty well.

• 49:15Speaker 00

  Thanks, mate. I mean, I'm not actually gonna do it, but.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  No, but you, yeah, that was good.

• 49:20Speaker 00

  Thanks.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. Can I say in these role plays, I've noticed you've become a lot more assertive.

• 49:24Speaker 00

  Have I?

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think you've become more like, you used to be a bit nervous around them, but you feel like there's, I feel there's another level of confidence, which is nice.

• 49:32Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  Hopefully that feels like you're taking it home.

• 49:34Speaker 00

  Thanks for that development, though. I appreciate that.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:39Speaker 00

  Tom?

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 49:41Speaker 00

  It's about that time. How do you think this episode went?

• 49:44Speaker 01

  I don't, I actually think my energy was quite low at the time. I feel I was quite quiet.

• 49:47Speaker 00

  Do you feel so?

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:48Speaker 00

  Do you feel so? What happened to me there? Do you feel so?

• 49:51Speaker 01

  I, I feel like I've got this post-holiday sort of feel to me.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, I, how do you feel it went?

• 49:59Speaker 00

  I thought it was good. I thought it was good.

• 50:00Speaker 01

  You enjoyed it?

• 50:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, fun.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  It was, I, I feel that the pressure is on now.

• 50:04Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 50:05Speaker 01

  Where this feels like.

• 50:06Speaker 00

  For this closer? Yeah. Do you want to, do you, do you wanna do like, you know, like, um, Harry Mack?

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:11Speaker 00

  Where, you know Harry Mack?

• 50:12Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:13Speaker 00

  Okay. So why did you say, yeah?

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Trying to seem intelligent.

• 50:15Speaker 00

  Okay, so Harry Mack is like probably the greatest freestyle rapper around at the moment. And he does these videos where he, he, just anybody throws stuff at him.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  Oh my God, can I just say, there's a guy who's doing, who's in, we talked about him before. He was in Married at First Sight. He's the guy I showed you. He's doing.

• 50:32Speaker 00

  John, right?

• 50:34Speaker 01

  I can't remember his name. He's a fucking idiot.

• 50:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  He's like, he, he, he's been doing this thing where he does these.

• 50:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, please.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  People give him three words.

• 50:41Speaker 00

  Can I just say, yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  And he's got to make a rap.

• 50:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, so how?

• 50:44Speaker 01

  The raps never rhyme. They're never in tune.

• 50:47Speaker 00

  What's his name?

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Dean?

• 50:49Speaker 01

  Dean, yeah.

• 50:49Speaker 00

  Dean, okay.

• 50:51Speaker 01

  So, yeah.

• 50:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. So anyway, so Dean from Married at First Sight. So Dean and Harry Mack are doing the same thing in principle, but Harry Mack's actually amazing at it.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, so and Dean isn't.

• 50:59Speaker 00

  No.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Dean's very, very sweet. He's, he's got a really good spirit. I'll give him that. He can't rap.

• 51:06Speaker 00

  No.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  He's an awful rapper.

• 51:07Speaker 00

  He needs to stop. Dean, please stop.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  It's like genuinely like.

• 51:10Speaker 00

  No, Dean, do what you, I'm only joking. Do what you want. Do what you want.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Like, can I just say, like, go, go away. Like, like the idea of like Harry Mack, I don't know. It's so difficult, like a band man, right? He's brilliant. You see it and he, if someone will give him something to rap about or give him a subject or whatever. And he could do that. Like, he literally stands there and goes, give me three things I wanna make a rap up of that. And it's like, um, uh, I don't know, like doors, uh, toilet rolls and cheese. And he'll go, oh, okay. Um, uh, I walk through a door. I need a toilet roll. I've just eaten some cheese.

• 51:49Speaker 00

  I know, I know.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  This, like, it's not a complex rap. Give me a beat. The person gives it a beat and the set, it sounds the same every time.

• 51:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I've seen it.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, yeah. Anyhow.

• 51:59Speaker 00

  Anyway, the, the reason I raise Harry Mack.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, who I'm gonna watch on the way home.

• 52:03Speaker 00

  Is I thought we could give you, I could give you three elements that you could fold into your closer.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, yeah.

• 52:09Speaker 00

  So, um, the first thing is a red squirrel.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 52:16Speaker 00

  Okay. The second thing is a pottery class.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 52:21Speaker 00

  Okay. And the third thing is a chicken jail phrasing. Okay? So I, I would just want some element of that into the story, okay, of those three. Good luck.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  Harlan Thompson was a lonely man. So lonely that he would try in any way he could to make friends. Tried different clubs and classes. He took up surfing one week, another he started karate. One time even started pottery classes. It's hard to chat to people at a pottery class as you're folding in the clay and trying to make a pot. Alas, even a statuette. Other people are so consumed. Every time he started a good conversation, people would go, not now, Harlan, I'm doing something.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  He felt sad. And one day when he was walking home from his newest club, he joined a skateboarding club. He was walking because he'd fallen off his skateboard and some bigger kids had taken it, even though he was an adult.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  He was strolling home, consumed by his thoughts and his loneliness. And a little voice said, where are you going, fella? He looked up and there was a little red squirrel sitting in the tree. Harlan went, what? A talking squirrel? He said, I don't really talk, but sometimes people, when they're so lonely, imagine stuff. How are you doing, Harlan? And Harlan was like, yeah, I'm just feeling like shit at the moment. I've just been mugged from some big kids who took my skateboard. And the red squirrel was like, do you ever think, Harlan, that you ask for too much? And he was like, what do you mean? It's like, you expect so much from people, but you give them nothing back.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Harlan said, I don't know what you mean. He's like, come with me. And the squirrel took Harlan, a little bit like the ghosts in Scrooge or the Christmas Carol, whichever version you've seen, to different parts of town. They look into a Wetherspoons and see people laughing and joking, being together, or they go past a Indian restaurant and see some people sharing a chicken jail phrasing. Harlan stared in at the window. His breath in his nose just making a sort of, I don't know.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  The end of the evening, Harlan was like, I don't know what any of this means. And a red squirrel turned around and was like, don't you get it? And he's like, no. And he's like, friendship takes time. And people have, oh, you people have gotta come together. You're not gonna meet them at clubs. The friends that you need are just there in front of you. And Harlan thought, maybe that's true. The next day at work, Harlan went in and asked Maggie by the coffee machine what she watched the night before. They laughed and joked. They both watched Love Island. A bit later that day, he talked to Tim, who cleared the bins, where he was a cleaner there, and said, what's been going on, Tim? Turned out Tim was also a Chelsea fan. So was Harlan. That Saturday, he went to football with Tim.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  That Sunday, he had a roast dinner at Maggie's. The people that Harlan had been looking for have been right under his nose all the time. Sometimes in life, we go looking for things. We go look for, looking for things in the strangest places, but the things that we need are just there. The things that we need to quell our appetite, like a good chicken jail phrasing.

• 55:41Speaker 01

  Sometimes the wise people in the world aren't people at all. They're a red squirrel, just showing you some people sharing a chicken jail phrasing. And happiness to say, yo, what you need is already on your plate.

• 55:55Speaker 00

  Really lovely.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Thank you. I'd much rather do it like that from now on.

• 55:59Speaker 00

  Would you? All right. Well, thank you.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  I'll tell you what, from now on.

• 56:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  This will make my life so much easier.

• 56:03Speaker 00

  Do that every time.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Or other people just send in three words and I'll make this story up.

• 56:07Speaker 00

  All right, great. [email protected]. Uh, we will see you for the email special of the wolf for now. If you would like to send something in, what's the email address, Tom?

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Uh, [email protected].

• 56:20Speaker 00

  Correct. Remember to like and subscribe. We'll see you next time. Peace.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  I love you.

• 56:32Speaker 05

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists, for long distance love. For introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 57:03Speaker 06

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