Rickey Thompson on His Rise & Fall, Toxic Relationships, Going Broke, & Finally Being Accepted

Vine made Rickey Thompson famous overnight, taking him from a bullied high school underdog to a sensation. But what really happened when he moved to Hollywood and the initial hype faded? Years later, he revisits his viral rise, the promises of LA, and the moments that changed his life in ways he never expected. Rickey looks back at the trauma of growing up gay when his own father told him it was against the Bible, and the relentless bullying he endured while desperately dreaming of becoming an actor. He reflects on the whirlwind of sudden wealth, cashing a $50,000 check right out of high school, and the devastating reality check that followed when a four-year acting job came to an end. From being completely dropped by his agency and manager, to running out of money and being forced to move in with a friend, Rickey opens up about the darker reality of life after going viral. He reveals the moments he felt completely "over life," and how he had to lock himself in a room to rebuild his career from scratch on Instagram. Looking back at the videos where it all began, this is a raw and vulnerable look at the true cost of internet fame, told with the hindsight he never had at the time. Rickey Thompson, We Need To Talk Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod Sign up to our newsletter https://linkly.link/2eXHX Brand partnerships enquiries: [email protected] Follow Rickey here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rickeythompson TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rickeythompson (00:00) Intro(02:08) Rickey Thompson's Childhood in North Carolina(03:42) Rickey's Childhood and Family(05:53) Rickey's Experience With Childhood Bullying(12:26) Rickey's Relationship With Religion(15:11) Advice to His Younger Self(17:01) Rickey's Childhood Dreams(18:44) Growing Up and Finding His Identity(22:38) How Rickey Became Famous on Vine(29:04) Touring and Moving to Los Angeles(36:10) Rickey's First Acting Role(38:44) Rickey Thompson's Coming Out Story(41:36) The Lowest Point of Rickey's Career(45:13) Rickey's Social Media Comeback(50:17) How His Parents' Divorce Affected Him(56:06) Huel Ad(57:16) Anthropic Ad(58:06) Cometeer Ad(59:10) How COVID Changed Rickey's Career(01:05:18) Rickey's Upcoming Film Role(01:09:20) Rickey's Dating History and Ex-Boyfriend(01:24:33) Rickey's Love of Fashion(01:27:55) Rickey Thompson at the Oscars(01:30:18) Most Memorable Conversation(01:33:08) Paul's Key Takeaways Sponsored by: Huel - http://uk.huel.com/WNTT use code WNTT for £10 off Cometeer: https://cometeer.com/PAUL for $20 off your first order Anthropic - https://www.claude.ai/talk Sync-ID: MB01MZIO5KQM7XF Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  So good, so good, so good. Cashmere outerwear and boots are up to 60% off at Nordstrom Rack. Save on brands like Ugg, Vince, and Kohan. Join the naughty club for free to unlock exclusive discounts. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it, layer by layer, until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  I knew I was gay maybe at seven. And growing up, hearing conversations about gay people, like, they need to die. And I remember my dad, he was like, "The Bible says you cannot be gay."

• 1:00Speaker 03

  What does that do to someone? Please welcome Ricky Thompson. As a young boy, what were your dreams?

• 1:07Speaker 02

  To be an actor. I just wanted to be in front of the camera. I wanted people screaming my name. But I was bullied all the time. Then, I got on Vine in junior year of high school. And I remember sitting in class and my phone goes off. People was like, "You just got re-vonbed by Kylie Jenner." And that's when everything took off. I went from the underdog to winning prom king at my high school.

• 1:23Speaker 03

  So how were you earning money at that time?

• 1:25Speaker 02

  I was going on tour. My first check was $50,000. Coming out of high school and I had never had a job before, I was like, "Oh, I'm definitely going there." Like, what?

• 1:33Speaker 03

  Did you try acting?

• 1:34Speaker 02

  I got booked on a YouTube Red show that went on for four years. So I got to act.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  You're in LA, you're out.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  It was everything.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  It's everything, until it wasn't.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  After the show ended, I got no auditions, nothing. My agency dropped me. My manager dropped me.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Why did they drop you?

• 1:49Speaker 02

  They said I ran out of money completely. So I had to move with my friends. And I said, "Okay, let's start from the beginning." I locked myself in my room and I started posting videos on Instagram. So I would post everything that. And that's what I used to do.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  There were moments where you thought you were over life?

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I was ready to go.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  Before we begin, just want to let you know that today's conversation includes the topic of suicidal thoughts that some may find distressing. We've included links in the episode description if you or someone you know needs help. Please take care while watching.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Truly, Ricky, I'm excited about this.

• 2:39Speaker 03

  There's so many places we could go.

• 2:43Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  But I was thinking, okay, where do I start with you?

• 2:49Speaker 02

  Where you want to go?

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Where do I start? But this is where I'd like to start.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:55Speaker 03

  All right. Can we go to North Carolina?

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  All right. So now, a lot of people will not understand what North Carolina was like to grow up. Could you paint the picture? So, growing up, what did just the community look like, feel like?

• 3:13Speaker 02

  All white, for sure. All white, not a lot of people who were out. I wasn't out, I was in the closet. I kept that a secret about myself until I moved away from North Carolina. But everybody was just, you know, church, lawyers, doctors, simple life. No one really was in the entertainment industry. It was just like, you graduate high school, you go to college, you get married. That was it.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  And that was it?

• 3:37Speaker 02

  That's all I saw growing up. That's all I saw. I didn't see anybody different like that. That's all I saw.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. And so, as a young boy, what were your dreams?

• 3:48Speaker 02

  To be an actor. It was to be an actor, entertainer. I just wanted to be in front of the camera. I wanted people screaming my name. I always thought that. But I was actually going to be a lawyer. I was going to go to school to be a lawyer, then dropped out, and now I'm here.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  There it is, sorry. Yes, yes.

• 4:07Speaker 03

  So you wanted, is it, you wanted to be a lawyer because that's what you saw?

• 4:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then my aunt was a lawyer. So I just wanted to follow in those footsteps.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  All right. So then, can you describe family?

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  And I want to show you this. There's lots of things I want to show you.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Oh, God, surprises.

• 4:22Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  All right. So I want to show you this.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  Is, what's going on in this photo? Who's in it?

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Oh, my goodness. Oh, my beautiful family. Well, that's my dad, my mom, my sister, and me.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  Okay. All right. And this is your younger sister?

• 4:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Okay. So how would you describe what the relationship was like among you all when you were a little boy?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  It was good. It was good. My mom worked a lot. She was like the main breadwinner in our family because my dad just stayed back to watch us. My mom was a pharmaceutical manager. She would travel all the time. So she was busy. Me and my dad, we weren't really close, I would say, because, obviously.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  Well, no, no, I mean, we're, yeah.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Well, I felt like, you know, me being gay, I felt like it was hard for him because you live in a world like North Carolina and all of your sons are not gay. They're married, they have kids. So I felt like he was up to the, I didn't really give him that during that time. But we fixed it, thank God. Yeah. This was a good era, I would say. Yeah, me and my sister, we were the closest. Love her. Yeah.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Okay. It's interesting how you qualified it as, "This was a good era."

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  All right. So not all the eras were good?

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Not at all.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  All right. But this point, so how old are you here?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  I think I was probably like maybe seven.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  Okay. So what was life like for, and I'll hold on to that.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  And I'll give you all of these.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  So seven-year-old, did your family call you Ricky?

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Yes. Oh, it's Ricky, a little Ricky. And my dad's big Ricky.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 6:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  So you were little Ricky?

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, I was. That was me. You know.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  Okay, okay. All right, I like it. Like little pretty Ricky?

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Yes, of course. I was very pretty. Still am.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  All right. So now, so little Ricky?

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  What was life like for you then? How would you describe it?

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Oh, it was not the best, I would say. I was bullied all the time.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  But at seven, but you said it was the good era, though?

• 6:46Speaker 02

  At seven, with my family. When I'd go back home, it was good. But my whole entire era during that time was not that good, at all.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  Okay. So just within the family?

• 6:54Speaker 02

  I felt safe at home. But when I would go home, when I would leave home to go to school, I felt so unsafe.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  Only as much as you want to. But I always think it's important to go to moments.

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Everything I know about your story, everything I know about that time, North Carolina, it was hard for you. So if you were to describe a day in the life of little Ricky at school,

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  what was that like?

• 7:25Speaker 02

  I would go into school and there would be like a group of bullies that were just always there. They would just yell names at me as I walked out of my classroom. And I'd get in the class and I'd have another bully in there who would throw things at me. And then I'd get out of that and it would just repeat on through the whole entire day until I got home. So that was simply it. Every, like, it was so bad.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  So when you go through something like that every day, did you go home, tell your parents about what was happening?

• 7:53Speaker 02

  I did. And it was like they would go and tell the teachers, but you know, they don't care. They're like, "Kids are going to be kids." So I just had to deal with it.

• 8:00Speaker 03

  How did you deal with it?

• 8:01Speaker 02

  I cried a lot. I sat in my room and I cried a lot. I asked God, "Why am I like this? Why can I be like the guys at school? Why do I got to be a feminine one? Like, why did I become this person? I shouldn't be this person." But yeah, that's how I felt every day.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  In your room, though, you would have these conversations with God. It was just you and God. Okay? And did you ask God to change you?

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Yep, so many times. I had to pray on that. I was like, "Please, just make me different, please. I want to be the kid that plays football and be rough." I just was never that person.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  Isn't it interesting how we pray or ask to change characteristics that later in life we cherish?

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Literally. I can't believe, I can't imagine if God would have changed me. Like, honestly, I love myself, so.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Yeah. Because you know, when you just said that, you know, it brought back a memory for me.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  Oh, what's your memory?

• 8:55Speaker 03

  That I haven't thought about, I think, since then.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Is, I remember when I was probably the same age. I was in a school, it was a predominantly white school. And what I distinctly remember is that kids would make fun of my hair.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  And so, I would go home and I would pray to have straight hair.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  You see? Wow. Wow.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  I remember that.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  You used to pray hard, telling, "Please, please, please, please."

• 9:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Literally.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  And what was it about their masculinity that you wanted?

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Um, I guess I just really wanted to be good at sports. I wasn't good at sports at all. My dad was like a star basketball player. My cousins played football. Every one of my family played sports. So the fact that I couldn't really hurt me.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay. All right, I can see it. And you're right, North Carolina, American football?

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Like, that's, yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, exactly.

• 9:48Speaker 03

  So what were your hobbies?

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Acting. Acting, theater, I loved it.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. That was, theater, choir, all that, that's where I belong.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  Okay. So did you feel like you came alive during theater classes?

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh. Oh, when I got on that stage, oh, my goodness. That was the best feeling of my life. I felt like all my problems were gone. And I just thought it was a spotlight on me. I was center of attention. And people are loving me because of what I love to do. So that was an amazing feeling.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  Okay. Did you get that feeling in any of your other classes?

• 10:21Speaker 02

  No. I used to pray, get so excited to go to theater class, like, yes, so excited to go. And I had my little theater people in there who were just like me. But then when you left those doors, back to reality.

• 10:31Speaker 03

  Yep. Yep. So this happened from seven until when?

• 10:36Speaker 02

  So seven until junior year of high school. Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  Was that 10 years, almost?

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Yep. I dealt with that every single day. And I just held it in because I knew I just got to get, I always thought to myself, "It's going to get better eventually." For 10 years, yeah.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. But 10, like, when you go through that, I mean, it's trauma.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  And 10 years of the same trauma.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  What does that do to someone?

• 11:07Speaker 02

  I feel like honestly it made me stronger. Cause now I can handle any bit of hate in the world today. Like I, like I'm on social media, I'm viewed by millions of people. And now when they say hate comments to me, I don't really care. Cause I dealt with that growing up for so long, so.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Okay, uh huh, okay. Now, if someone is watching.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Going through that.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Right now, and they're in their teens.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  What would you tell them?

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Just don't give up, don't. I mean, I had moments in my life where I wanted to give up. I was like, I'm just over life. But I knew that it would affect others, like my parents, my family. I didn't wanna hurt them like that. So just don't give up. I know it's gonna be hard and also talk to somebody. That's something I wish I did, like I wish I talked to my counselor more. I didn't, I just dealt with it. So maybe if I talked to my counselor, maybe stuff would have been different. I could have had ways to cope with what was going on.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  See, you just said that there were moments where you thought you were over life.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh yeah, uh huh. I was ready to go, yeah.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  How, how, how far along in that thought did you, did you go?

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Um, I thought back to the point, I was like, okay, how do I do it? I got to that point. Like how was a way and I could just be done with life? And I knew the answer, but I was too scared to actually do it, yeah.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Okay, uh huh. And you also, you just said in that too, is that you thought about your parents?

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, my mom especially. My mom loved me to death and I could never imagine breaking her heart like that. So I was like, yeah, I'm gonna stay, yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know, what I find so interesting about conversations with people with, say, suicidal ideation. Um, is that they typically say they, they end up staying for someone else.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:56Speaker 03

  Not for themselves.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Uh huh. Whoa, yeah, uh huh.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  And there you were, it was the love of your mom.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Love of my mom. I would never wanna break her heart, so I'm here.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, look at that.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  I know.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  Look at that, it, yes, yes, yes. You know, can we talk about religion too?

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  Because, you know, I know that is part of the Bible Belt, uh, North Carolina.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  And so, I would imagine your home was a religious home.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Oh, down, my uncles are all pastors. Yeah, so I was raised in the church.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Alright, so, so you're a church, so Sundays and Wednesdays?

• 13:35Speaker 02

  I, I didn't go on Wednesdays now, Sundays, early in the morning on Sundays. Two times, oh, wait a minute, the Sundays all the time.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Okay, alright, so, so Sundays, so you were in there?

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  So being in a religious household.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  How did you navigate your relationship with religion?

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Like what do you mean, like what you say?

• 13:58Speaker 03

  You, you know, so as you're growing up, are you, were you devout believer, follower? Did you have considerations as to maybe it wasn't what you wanted to lean into?

• 14:10Speaker 02

  Hmm, um, I feel like I didn't go as hard as what my family did. I, me and God have like a separate relationship. Like if I pray, he got me, I know he has. I've been in situations in my life, obviously, where I felt like I should have been gone already. But I've been praying and I'm still here. So that's like my relationship with the whole God thing. But I'm not like crazy religious.

• 14:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Like if, like, back home, people follow the Bible, like it's like the rulebook of life. And it's like, just other things, so.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  So, so that's, so did you discover that over time?

• 14:45Speaker 02

  I did.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Okay, so, but at a young, at seven, eight, you were, you were locked in?

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Uh huh, uh huh.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  Alright, alright.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  When I got older, I said, okay, wait a minute, hmm.

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Cause also like when I think about like the whole like religious, those people who like bash you for being who you are are the worst people behind closed doors. So it was like, I, it was like, okay, yeah.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, uh huh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that, that is similar with me too. Is I grew up in a very, I would say, Christian home. And it was Sundays and Wednesdays for me.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Ooh, hello.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  I was at Bible study on Wednesdays.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  Um, and then it wasn't until, I think, man, it probably was twenties.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, where, where I started to realize, wow, there's, there's so much more out here.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  And that, to me, didn't deteriorate my relationship with God. It strengthened my relationship with God.

• 15:44Speaker 02

  Amen.

• 15:45Speaker 03

  But it changed my relationship with the religion.

• 15:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, I could say that.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Okay, period, I could say that.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  You too, okay.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  Can I show you another?

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, oh my goodness, I love these photos.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  You like these photos?

• 15:55Speaker 02

  They're just amazing.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  So this could be, I have lots of photos of you.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:59Speaker 03

  This could be one of my favorite photos.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Oh, really? What is, what is it?

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Now, you wanna know why?

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Why?

• 16:03Speaker 03

  You're gonna see it, ready?

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 16:06Speaker 03

  Bam!

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Oh, I love this photo. This is my all time favorite photo.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Is it?

• 16:12Speaker 02

  It's my all time favorite photo.

• 16:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  I was like, my mom was trying to get me into child modeling during this time.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  Okay, so, alright, so ta, talk about that, that photo in particular.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Oh my God, just a beautiful baby.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Oh my goodness.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  The look though, the look.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  The look, I was Tommy down, okay? Literally, like my, oh my gosh, like this, my family had to make sure I was so flat.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  So, oh my goodness, wow.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  If, if you could go back and tell him, that's little Ricky.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  That's little Ricky up here.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  If you could say anything to him about what life is going to be like and give advice, what, what would you say?

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Ah, little Ricky, get ready for a journey, but um, I know it will be hard, but you're gonna get through it. And you're gonna be the most successful person you've always wanted to be. It's actually so crazy, looking back at those moments where I felt sad, I dreamt this person, myself to that. I always said, you're gonna be a star, and I know what's gonna happen for you, and I would see this person in the mirror. And I was like, I'm okay, I'm gonna get through it.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  Really?

• 17:14Speaker 02

  So, yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  What, what gave you that vision, oh, yeah?

• 17:19Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  What, what, yeah, what gave you that, that vision?

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Something in me. I had a look, I don't know what it was, but it was like I would always see this person. And I would just be so happy. Like I would have a rough day at school and I'll go to my bathroom and I will cry and I'll look myself in the mirror. Puff myself up, you gotta be okay, you're gonna get through this, you're gonna, this is just North Carolina. You don't know what's out in the world, you know who's gonna accept you. So I saw myself and I was like, okay, I got this. And I would just take that with me for years. Like manifestation to the T.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  So you were already thinking you're going to leave North Carolina?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, one thousand percent. I had pictures of LA all over my room. My mom was like, you're not going out to watch me, I am. I left at eighteen, uh huh.

• 18:01Speaker 03

  And what was it about LA that made you want to put pictures up about it?

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Ah, it was just, it felt like this is a city of just freeness. Like I had never seen a gay flag pride, I mean, a gay flag, until I went to LA for the first time. And I was like, they're accepting here. And like they have the whole neighborhood and they have all the streets and everyone here is so different. People come out here to entertain people and that's what I always wanted to do. So I just knew that this would be my home.

• 18:26Speaker 03

  Did you know, like, so if you, if you can go through, what was your journey with sexuality and, and your coming out?

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Um, I knew I was gay maybe at seven, honestly. I had a crush on this boy in my class and I said, whoa, I feel a different towards you than I should towards a girl. So I was like, okay, that's different. So, yeah, through that time, I just kept it a secret until I graduated high school.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Till you graduated high school?

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  See Ricky, you say these things like.

• 18:56Speaker 03

  It's like, this happened at seven and then I was thirty.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Yep, honestly, yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  So I started early with my crushes.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  I was in kindergarten.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Oof, woo. Oh, Mr. Player. At the playground, okay.

• 19:10Speaker 03

  Um, but I remember beginning to have what I would consider strong feelings.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  At a young age, so maybe it was, actually, yeah, maybe like five, six, seven, somewhere in there. But I was able to express that.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  Ouch, yeah.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  So to not be able to.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  It was so hard.

• 19:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  It was so difficult, I dated girls too, did not like them at all. But I said, let me keep up this look until I get up out of here, uh huh.

• 19:45Speaker 03

  So it was just to keep up the, the facade?

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Uh huh, yeah. Damn, you unpacking and I live, yeah. I, I, I never really actually thought about how long I kept that secret. Like I kept it in for so long. And people are like, yeah, you are, but no, I'm not, I'm not, I promise, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. But I'm like, mm-mm, yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  But what does it do to you, to, to the inner child? So I know what it does to you as the adult. It gives you more like Teflon to deal with resistance. But as a eight year old, nine year old, ten year old, eleven year old, twelve year old, there, I mean, we're, we're not even there yet.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  To have to hold that back, or when I say hold it back is hold the fullness of you.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  What do you believe it does to you?

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Oh, like it did to little Ricky?

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  It kind of made me feel smaller, if I could say. Yeah.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  If, if, if that's what I'm trying to say correctly. It just really suppressed everything. So I would say that.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Okay. So, everything, meaning just everything, what, like you were, I mean, your joy.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, my joy, my happiness. Cause that's such a big secret, such a big part of me. So the fact I could only show half of that was rough.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  Cre- creatively?

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 03

  Did it impact how you showed up in the household?

• 21:26Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  Okay, how so?

• 21:28Speaker 02

  Um.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Um, did it impact me a lot, though? Um.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  Woo, child, oh my god, you really taking me back to that time. Wow. Um.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Let me rephrase that, I don't, I don't think it impacted me differently at all. Cause as you say, I was with my sister, or just me, so I didn't really have to, you know, put on a facade, really. So, yeah, not really, mm-mm.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  You, you, you could be, just, you could be you.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  And then, did your, did it feel like your sister celebrated you?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Yes, she said, Ricky, I always knew. I just wanted you to come out younger. She was like, I have a D for a brother, and I love that. And I was like, oh my god, that's so sweet. But I just didn't know that's what it was. Cause I would, okay, growing up, like also hearing conversations, you know, with the uncles, they chopping it up, how they would talk about gay people. And I was like, I don't want to be that person, cause they hate them so much, girl, they gonna hate me.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. What, what, if you can, what did you hear specifically from, you know, from people?

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Yes, I, there's a particular memory. Um, it was at my aunt's wedding. And I was in the room with like all the bachelors and stuff, and they're watching Jerry Springer. And there was like a gay guy on there, like, I can't stand faggots, I would beat up one with a bat, they need to die, da-da-da-da, all this type of stuff. And I remember my dad did not say anything. And he was like, the Bible says, you cannot be gay. And I will never forget that, that affected me so much. So I was like, wow, these are like my family members, and they think this type of way. And come on, like y'all didn't know, like anything like that, so that was rough.

• 23:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you were how old on that one?

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Ooh, I would think I was probably thirteen at the time.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  Thirteen?

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  Right, and thirteen, what I know about the teens is, it's where we're trying to figure out truly our identity.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  It's where we're negotiating it internally.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  And then how we're going to represent that outwardly.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  At what point do you start to, uh, do you get on Divine?

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Like on Divine in junior year of high school. That's when things turned around for me. That was the best year of my life, I would say.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Because I became an internet, like, famous person. And people were like, oh my god, that's Ricky, that's Ricky, that's Ricky. I walked down the halls and people would be screaming my name. I was like, I used to get bullied, now I have like little like freshmen, like fangirl, oh my god, this Ricky Thompson. It was everything. Yes, it was everything, it was everything, like all of like that stress and not being the popular kid all went away, junior year, when I turned to Vine.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  All right, so now, can you walk me to the day before?

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Yes, oh my goodness. I remember I was, what, cause I, it was the day that Kylie Jenner, I always say this, Kylie Jenner should be Vine'd me, and that's when everything took off. And I remember sitting in class, and my phone goes off, I'm like, what is this? And then people look at me, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I'm like, what is going on? He's like, you just got re-vined by Kylie Jenner, and it was total all in school. And that, after that, that's when everything took off. I was getting on Facebook, WorldStar would post all my videos, like literally, it was a moment, it was a overnight.

• 24:31Speaker 03

  So is, it was literally, though, the driver was Kylie?

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you, girl, thank you Kylie, jumped that, yeah. Cause it put me in like the mainstream world, which is like so hard to do back in that day, but I was like, you know what?

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Okay, but before then, you were already posting?

• 24:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  I was posting all the time.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  So what was it about Vine that made you want to go there and post?

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Well, I had a best friend at the time, she told me, she's like, you're posting videos on Instagram, but who's using Instagram video right now? You need to get on Vine. And I'm like, girl, please, fix that, can't she say, just do it? And I did it, and I thank her every day. Mm-hmm, cause about that, mm-mm.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  No.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  No.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  No, but, but what was it even, though, that drove you to want to post at that age? Cause people are doing lots of different things.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Um.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  And this is also, what year, this is like twenty, ooh, thirteen, fourteen?

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Twenty thirteen, yeah.

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Twenty thirteen, okay.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  I just needed to find an outlet. I wasn't, I was, like I said, I'd had, I didn't have that many friends, I just wanted to be funny. So I felt like this was like a way to be, to be funny. And I felt like people wouldn't even see the videos, cause I'm like, okay, it's just Vine, like nobody knows me on the app, so I just want to have fun with it. And that's what drove me, I just loved entertaining.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  Wow, all right, and then how frequent of a poster were you?

• 25:44Speaker 02

  Oh, I used to flood the feed. I would post like twenty parts of the feed. If they were like, dang, I'd be in my room, and then, then, then, and then, then, yeah, mm-hmm, yes.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Oh my god, all right, so, so now, all right, I, I've had the, the privilege to have conversations with so many like prolific, um, creators.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  And something that I always find interesting is, is the why they did it.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  Right, and then the how frequent they were doing it.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  And you all have said the same thing.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Really?

• 26:13Speaker 03

  The, the, the passion was in the reaction that you were getting.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Yes, oh my god, that's a good feeling. For somebody who's bullied in school, and to get all that positive reaction from random people, it was the best feeling ever, it was that validation that I liked. And I loved it. Mm-hmm.

• 26:28Speaker 03

  What, what did it, what did it make you feel about yourself?

• 26:33Speaker 02

  It made me feel that you don't have to hide yourself, people are gonna love you just the way you are. And when I was starting to feel that, I'm like, I can actually step into that feeling. Cause my mom would always tell me that, but I didn't really believe it, cause I wasn't, I wasn't feeling that. When I felt so, on my own, I was like, okay, this works.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  So you are how old now? This is junior year?

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Junior, uh-huh.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  So you were seventeen?

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Seventeen.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  Seventeen, so junior year, and then you said that then?

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Pivoted everything.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Everything, everyone in the school started to look at you differently.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  I won prom king. How about that? Yeah. I went from the underdog to winning prom king at my high school. Like, I could not believe it. Like, I was like, wow, like, these people have been growing up with me for years, and have made fun of me and seen me, and now I am the king of my high school class, so.

• 27:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  So what do you think that says about just us? You know, the fact that you were the same person who you were the day before Kylie reposted you? The same person, but that person is being bullied.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  And I, and I've read, I mean, I, I've read somewhere that, did, did they even put you in, like, in, in bins?

• 27:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh wow, oof, yeah, I see a trash can.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  All right, so that is?

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, they'll pick you up and throw you in the trash can. Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Okay, so you're going from being trash canned to your voted prom king? And this happens as a result of someone else?

• 28:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Just saying, I see him.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 28:14Speaker 03

  What do you think that says about us?

• 28:16Speaker 02

  I'm gonna give it to God, honestly, true, like praying a lot, thank God, he made that happen for me, to see that, you know, I'm worthy, but I do hate the fact that I needed that validation, you know?

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, like I should just be happy for who I am, I didn't need somebody to make me know that I'm important, you know?

• 28:39Speaker 03

  Right.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  And then you think too is, what would happen if you didn't get that validation?

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  What, what, what would happen to little Ricky?

• 28:50Speaker 02

  I don't know, I, I, I li- I literally do not know at all. Like, I didn't even thought about that, honestly, cause I was like, okay, this is my path, so. But if that didn't happen, where would my life have been today?

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Oof, gotta sit with that.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, because what, what I immediately think of is all of the other little Rikis.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  Right.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  That won't be reposted, but still want to be seen.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  That's the part that really gets at me.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Say, wow, yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  Hey there, I just want to say thank you for choosing We Need to Talk. Doing this podcast is one of the greatest joys of my life, and I want to continue to share it with you. So, hit follow and the bell icon. It takes just a second, and it helps us to continue to grow this podcast.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Now, as that's happening, what was your follower count?

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Oh, oh.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Okay, so I remember, let me think, I think I hit one point three million in three months?

• 30:09Speaker 03

  Three months?

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, mm-hmm. And I had a lot of Vines hit me up, like, how did you do this? You bought your followers, that, no, that's just me, sorry. Yeah.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  That, that's incredible.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  To think of a little boy who never felt seen for the entirety of his, by the public, that is, for the entirety of his seventeen years.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Woo, child, yeah.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  And then within three months, the world is saying, no, he needs to be seen.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's powerful.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  That's so powerful, that, that, that's right right there, wow, yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  That's, that, that is something.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Uh, but also, I think it shows you how undeniable your talent is.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:52Speaker 03

  For it to be received so strongly, like so quickly.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  So, the follower count goes up, and this is what, twenty fifteen?

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Twenty fourteen.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  Twenty fourteen, okay. So Vine is super popular.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  I think it's almost a hundred million people watching Vines every month.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Roughly around this time, twenty fifteen. So it's popular, popular, popular, so how were you earning money?

• 31:18Speaker 02

  I was going on tour. I was going on tour.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  I was also on tour.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  Excuse me?

• 31:25Speaker 02

  Yes, I was on tour, yeah. Yes, there are a lot of bits and pieces, my story is very long.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Excuse me?

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:33Speaker 03

  All right.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  I was going on tour.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Okay, Ricky, okay, okay, okay.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:37Speaker 03

  Okay, so.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  That was crazy. I was like, how are you paying for this?

• 31:44Speaker 02

  I was on tour. Mm-hmm, yes.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  Was this your, had you been on tour already?

• 31:50Speaker 02

  I had been on tour before. I had done this thing, there was like a thing called Digi Fest. And it was like, if you were invited to this, you were the top creator ever. And so people would pay tickets and meet your favorite creator. So I did one, okay, so I graduated high school. That night, I flew to New York to go to Digi Fest. Did that, my family came, they saw the fans, they were like, oh, he can do this. Got back home, maybe stayed, mm, for like two months, and then I went on tour. And then, yeah, toured, I was on a tour bus, had my face on the bus.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  Get out of here.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was everything.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  How many cities did you do?

• 32:24Speaker 02

  I think we did like maybe 20.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  You did 20 cities?

• 32:27Speaker 02

  Yes, we were traveling, like, it was amazing. And I did that like four times. Like, I went like four Digi Festes, yeah.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  God, my.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  I was traveling, like an artist, it felt so good.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  That's incredible.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Excuse me, okay, okay, so you had plenty of money.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, I saved down, okay, I was ready. My mom was like, dang, I said, yeah. And I was seeing my big fat check, I've never seen that much money before, I was like, oh my god, wow.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  Can you disclose what it was?

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Well, for my first check was 50,000. Coming out of high school and I had never had a job before, I said, oh, I'm definitely going to LA. What? Mm-hmm, I was like, 50,000 dollars?

• 33:10Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  Had you, had you been paid prior to, you must have been monetizing Vine prior to that? No, so that was the first?

• 33:18Speaker 02

  That was my big money, I had to tour, I was so tired, but I had to do it, I had to do it, because I had to get out of North Carolina.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Wow, yeah, that, I mean, that's a lot of money.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  And for an 18-year-old, and this is, what, 2015?

• 33:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  All right, so you have that check, you're like, okay, I'm going to LA. Is your thought, go to LA and then do what?

• 33:39Speaker 02

  I don't know, I was like, I just gotta get there.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  I was like, I just have to get there, I, I knew I had so many dreams, I was like, acting, you know, dancing or whatever, I just had to get out of North Carolina. That was the first step.

• 33:51Speaker 03

  Did you, uh, how'd you get there, did, you, you flew by yourself?

• 33:55Speaker 02

  Mm-mm, my mom came with me.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  She came with you?

• 33:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's like, I have to send you off, I have to, so. Such a sad moment, she was so sad, because nobody in our family had left that far. They're like North Carolina-era still.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  And also, you're 18.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  You know, you, you're still her little Ricky.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  Still. What about friends?

• 34:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, I, I had a lot of friends here in front of me. I made friends online, people who were doing the same thing as me. People were going through the same things as me, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm moving to LA, they're like, oh my god, me too, I'm moving to LA too, and then we all just got close.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Now, that was, I think, an interesting era, because I feel like there was a lot of content creators.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  In particular.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  Coming to LA.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  To create content. What, why do you think it was LA that the content creators were, were coming to?

• 34:42Speaker 02

  Uh, it's the entertainment, that's, I mean, nowhere else had like the entertainment places like LA. Like, the commercial scene, the acting scene, like, they needed creators to promote movies all the time, so go to movie premieres, the VMAs, we'd do all that, so it's all in LA. So I was like, I'm coming here. And people had content creating houses too, so people all just moved here.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Yes, so this is 2016.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  Vine is still?

• 35:08Speaker 02

  It is still going on, but it's dying slowly.

• 35:10Speaker 03

  It's dying slowly. All right, so are you at all concerned, though?

• 35:14Speaker 02

  No, I was never concerned.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  Never.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  No?

• 35:20Speaker 02

  No, not at all.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  So, all right, so why not, because you've built a massive platform on Vine, you're being paid, namely because of your Vine platform. You're in a new place, you've got to take care of yourself, but why are you not concerned?

• 35:36Speaker 02

  Because I was, I knew that I was always in for greatness, and I knew that I would find my next lane, which I did, which was YouTube. Then after that, I started posting videos on YouTube, and then, yeah, and then I went back, yeah, we'll just talk, we'll start from there, we, we, I went back to YouTube, so I was doing Vine and YouTube at the same time.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  So, yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  So you, you knew you would find a way?

• 35:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  All right, so you're, you're beginning to build on YouTube, Vine is, is, is declining, and then Vine eventually?

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Just completely died.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  It, it, it dies, it closes, right? But you've already built up YouTube, I would imagine you've already started to build up Instagram.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  Were, were you enjoying the content you were creating at that time?

• 36:15Speaker 02

  I was, until I did it, and I was like, this is getting very repetitive, and I feel like I don't want to stay in this creator lifestyle for so long.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  Okay. Were, were you, because I know that initially, you described how it felt when someone gave you that first comment. At what point did it no longer feel good to get the comments? At what point did it feel like it was not a passion anymore, wasn't a validator anymore?

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Hmm, I think around like 2017 is when I felt it, it's just like, it's like, it's not getting repetitive, I was like, I've heard this, thank you, whatever, but I just didn't get, it, it, my dreams were coming true. That's what it was, I wasn't acting, but I got booked on a YouTube Red show that went on for four years, so I got to act. I had a billboard in LA, it was really everything, on top of the W Hotel, the only black boy in the series too, so it was.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  Is this the one with Machine Gun Kelly?

• 37:12Speaker 02

  Uh, no, no, no, no, this is, that was way after that.

• 37:14Speaker 03

  Oh, god.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  This, this was before, this, this really started my acting career. This, it was with Logan Paul, Gen X Pen, Jim McAllister, um, and a few other people, and then, yeah. And I went in, auditioned, bombed it, but the lady said, I see something in you, so make you the character.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Do you think, okay, now this is my path? This is the path I'm going to continue on?

• 37:37Speaker 02

  And I was so happy, like, I knew me being in front of that camera like that, when I hear lines and points, points, point, I just like, wow, I'm so happy, this is my dream. Walking in every morning, go to my trailer, great feeling ever.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  Yes, definitely.

• 37:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  All right, so you're doing this, at that same time, are you thinking, what is your goal? Is your goal still digital, or acting digital, or is it, okay, you want to move to film?

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I want to move to film, I was like, okay, I've done the digital, now it's time to go up.

• 38:09Speaker 03

  Okay. What was your experience with film?

• 38:14Speaker 02

  Well, it was awful, because after the show ended, I got no auditions, nothing, so it was hard to get booking anything, so, but eventually I did.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  Okay, so, why, why was that? Like, why do you feel like you got nothing on a series that ran for?

• 38:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  That we went for four series?

• 38:35Speaker 02

  I don't know, that's the business, like, you know, you could work one time and not work at all, so, I mean, I was going on auditions, but it was just like, no, I wasn't booking anything. Because after my show ended, my agency dropped me.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  Did they?

• 38:47Speaker 02

  My agency dropped me, my manager dropped me, and this is when 2018, yeah, mm-hmm, 2018.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  What, so why did they drop you?

• 38:56Speaker 02

  They said they didn't see it for me.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  So, all right, so the Ricky, I mean, how, what is the conversation, because I know that you say you, you talk to yourself. So what is the conversation that you have when you're now, because at the fourth series, you must be living the dream, Ricky?

• 39:15Speaker 02

  It was everything, like, I loved it, I love people coming to me, oh my god, this was my character, it was Dakota, like, Dakota, I love you, like, that felt so good, because that's something I've always wanted, so, yeah, it was everything.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  It's everything, you're in LA. You're out.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  At this time, I mean, you are, you, your true self.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  So what was that coming out journey for you?

• 39:37Speaker 02

  So I had a best friend at the time, he was out and proud, he'd been out all his life on social media, and I was like, you know what, I'm tired of hiding this, I'm just going to tweet it. So I tweeted it, I was like, you guys, I'm over.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  And I'm sorry, Ricky, are you in LA at this?

• 39:49Speaker 02

  I'm in LA.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  LA.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I'm not back at home.

• 39:51Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 39:51Speaker 02

  Oh, LA.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  LA, oh, this is a good one, I was in LA, I tweeted, I was like, I'm over hiding it, I'm gay, and people were like, oh, what girl we knew, what, I'm here. But my family, someone took the tweet to my dad, and he was like, what is he talking about? He's gay, whatever. My mom calls me crying, because she said, it hurt the family so much that you kept that a secret for so long, I knew, I was waiting for you to tell me, but it hurt that we had to find out online. You just announced it to the world of people who don't even know really you, I gave you life, and you couldn't come tell me first before you did this. And I was like, I was sad at first, I was like, this is my truth, uh, you know, and this is the way I, I could have felt comfortable doing it, so, yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  She was upset about it, but she got over it.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, but she calls you crying?

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was her.

• 40:42Speaker 03

  So, so what, what would you say to people watching right now, who may have a child who's gay, or a relative who's gay, and they haven't yet come out? But they want to create a safe space for them, what, what can they do?

• 41:04Speaker 02

  Um, I will say, don't overdo it. You know, like, you know, you walk in, they're not out yet, and you got rainbow everywhere. And you're like, yes, and you can't, it makes us feel uncomfortable. I just like, just be like welcoming, just be nice, that I would say. Like, if I... That's a real hard question. Like, I would just say, like, just keep it, I'll say be normal, honestly. Just don't do too much. Don't do too, don't do too much. If your kid has not come out yet, don't do too much. Because it kind of scares them.

• 41:36Speaker 03

  Is, is there anything that you think your family could have done?

• 41:40Speaker 02

  My family? Um...

• 41:42Speaker 03

  In, in order for you to have gone to them first?

• 41:45Speaker 02

  Mm-mm. I don't think I could, I don't, mm-mm. I mean, it was just like for years. Imagine me, the years being close, they could just scare your fam, why would I tell them that?

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  You know?

• 41:55Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  So, yeah. Mm-hmm.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  I hear you.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:00Speaker 03

  So then, you can now...

• 42:02Speaker 02

  I can date.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  Openly date.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  I did, I went on Tinder the next day.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  Did you? I know you did.

• 42:07Speaker 02

  I was swiping like...

• 42:08Speaker 03

  You were right, right, right, right, right.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  Literally, I said, I want them all. Yes, it felt so good. I was like, I can't believe you did that, my bad. Yeah, that's how I met my first boyfriend.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  You had a boyfriend?

• 42:18Speaker 02

  I did. It was everything.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Yup.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  Until it wasn't.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, 2018 was a rough year. That's when I was like, oof, yeah.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  What, what do you then, what's the, what do you tell yourself, then?

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Um, I kept telling myself, um, you know, honestly, I wasn't really talking to myself that much to that point. Because I was like, I was like, oh my gosh, because I had such a great win, that I was like, I haven't felt low like this any long time. So I didn't know what to say. I could have told myself, you're gonna get through this, you're gonna get through this, but at that point, I was like, I'm just, ugh, so upset. When, when your team drops you, and a manager drops you, the two people who can get you to your career, what do you do? I had no connections, I didn't know. So, I was so lost. Yup, and when my manager dropped me, the money stopped coming. And that was rough. So I was like, okay, something got to pit there, so.

• 43:14Speaker 03

  What, what do you, in that, would you say, when you look at your career, was that the lowest point of your career?

• 43:21Speaker 02

  One thousand percent.

• 43:22Speaker 03

  Okay. Did you ever consider doing something else?

• 43:27Speaker 02

  I'm like, um, no.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  Another?

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Mm-mm.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  No?

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Mm-mm. I said, this is my dream. I, I don't see myself doing anything else but acting and entertaining. And I was scared, because what am I gonna do? I can't go back to school this, but I mean, I could have, but I didn't want to. Like, think about, oh my god, we got Vine Ricky, U2, Ricky, he back in my class. Like, I don't, I didn't want that. So I was like, you know, yeah. Mm-hmm.

• 43:51Speaker 03

  So, so what do you then do?

• 43:54Speaker 02

  I then, okay, so, this, oof, wow, we gotta get deep. Okay, so when my manager dropped me, I had, like, I ran out of money completely.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  Did you?

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Completely, my account negative. I was, I was making nothing. I had no tours, I had no shows, all, all that was gone. So I had to move with my friends, and I said, okay, let's start from the beginning. I locked myself in my room, and I started posting videos on Instagram, and that's when things changed. I said, let me go back to what I know. So I did that.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, so you just went ba- back?

• 44:24Speaker 02

  Went back.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Went back?

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:26Speaker 03

  And, and you locked in?

• 44:27Speaker 02

  I locked in.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  Like, literally?

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Oh, I literally locked in. I posted every single day.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  Can, can we talk about the financial piece too?

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  Because that one too, that, that one, I think, hits hard for a lot of people. Because before that, I would presume you're making a lot of money.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  Oh, I was making money down. And I couldn't, my mom's like, what in the world? She was like, oh my god, you post a five minute, six minute clip, no, a six second clip, and you get paid like six figures, yeah?

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  So you go from that to negative in your account?

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, because also, you know, you get comfortable, you start making money, that's what I'm saying to everybody. All my friends, I buy the drinks at the club, I buy the car, I buy the bottle, that I didn't really was investing my money, because I was like, I'm gonna make it back.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  Right.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  Yup.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get it back.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get it back. Woo, them phone calls started coming, I said, okay, okay.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  So you're locked in, in that room, and your goal was to post with what goal? What was the end goal?

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Just, um, I just wanted to post, that's all, I just wanted to post, I wanted people to see the Ricky they fell in love with again. You know, if I had to go back to the roots.

• 45:38Speaker 03

  To the roots?

• 45:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I said flood the feed. I think anybody who wants to like be big in this world, you just gotta be on people's timelines all the time. So I will post everything back, every day. Mm-hmm.

• 45:50Speaker 03

  All right.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  And you're posting, and it took a year?

• 45:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  So in that year, no other bookings?

• 45:57Speaker 02

  Mm-mm.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  No tours?

• 45:58Speaker 02

  No tours.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  No management?

• 46:01Speaker 02

  No management.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  So then, a year later, what is it that hits for you?

• 46:06Speaker 02

  Oh, my goodness. Um, it was one video, it was me, it was about my new boots. And when I said that, that just flooded everything. That's why I got, started getting celebrities hitting me up. I'm like, okay. My first one was Adele.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  Really?

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Yes. Isn't that amazing?

• 46:24Speaker 02

  Well, yes.

• 46:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. But you, these celebrities, like...

• 46:27Speaker 02

  Ain't it crazy? I'm like, okay.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  So what did it do? She just messaged you?

• 46:33Speaker 02

  She messaged me on a, on a blocked account, not a blocked account, um, a burner account. I'm like, grandma, go see if that was you, and I went to an event. Because I will say, after the full year, 2019 happened, and that's when I started getting brand deals again. I was starting to do stuff again with like higher up people, because I was like the creator that everyone loved. So she hit me up on a burner account, and then I went to an event, and her manager was there, and she said, she said, he said, one second, I'm like, okay, cool. He pulls FaceTime, it's Adele. I love you, let's go to lunch. And I'm like, okay, my god. So yeah, it was everything, mm-hmm.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  And, and what was her, why did she reach out to you?

• 47:08Speaker 02

  She said, you were, she was like, you're such a light, like, you are so funny, and you just make me laugh, and I just need to meet you. And I said, oh my god, yeah, it's everything.

• 47:19Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, okay. So this, this feels like the Kylie moment?

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Exact, if, that's why I felt that validation, she goes, okay. It just felt like, okay, now, when I felt the validation of just like me posting videos, and like, okay, you're doing something good. Like, people are seeing and appreciating you, so I was like, okay, we back up on again.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  All right, so it's not just Adele, you said it's other people?

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Other people, Beyonce, yes, yes.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  No.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  Well, yes.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 47:46Speaker 02

  Do you remember when she had the Ivy Park drop?

• 47:48Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  And she sent creators the box. She sent me the full rack, like Reese Witherspoon and Gwyneth Paltrow. And I was like, okay.

• 47:56Speaker 03

  I do remember this. I mean, I don't remember it because I got it.

• 48:03Speaker 03

  But I...

• 48:06Speaker 03

  I remember looking online at, at people who got the full, like, got the box.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  I, when I got that, I said, I got the rack, because like Beyonce loves you. I said, oh my god. I just didn't know these people were watching my videos like this. And that's me being me, locking in, getting that.

• 48:20Speaker 03

  Yes. And so, were brands wanting to work with you because, what, what was it, the following was growing?

• 48:27Speaker 02

  The following was growing.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  Engagement was growing?

• 48:29Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 48:30Speaker 02

  People was like, who is this funny guy? They wanted me everywhere.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  All right, so did management come calling?

• 48:35Speaker 02

  Yes, management and I was signed by UTA.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  Sure was!

• 48:43Speaker 03

  So I guess that was a love or love?

• 48:45Speaker 02

  It was, it definitely was. I said, that boutique, that boutique, anything, whatever, whatever, but yes.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  All right, so, end of 2019, UTA?

• 48:55Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  Big.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  But, I mean, Beyonce biggest.

• 48:58Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  Yes, so, okay, I see it, we're back in.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  Back in the game.

• 49:03Speaker 02

  Back, everything's going great?

• 49:05Speaker 03

  Everything's going great, but this is you creator going great?

• 49:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  What about acting?

• 49:11Speaker 02

  Mm-mm, not yet, not yet, not yet, mm-mm. So, yeah. Mm-hmm. But it was fine though, because I was like, finally, I love that life. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm traveling to Fashion Week, sitting front row, and I'm just, you know. It was a great feeling. So I was like, acting will come, but let me enjoy this.

• 49:27Speaker 03

  This.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:28Speaker 03

  Out of that, that period, what did you enjoy the most? What was the moment you enjoyed the most?

• 49:34Speaker 02

  The moment I enjoyed the most? I think meeting Beyonce. When she actually came, she's like, Ricky, I love your videos.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  Okay, hold on for a second. You didn't, you didn't tell me about meeting.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Yes, I did.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  You didn't tell me about the box?

• 49:46Speaker 02

  No, I met her, I met her. And that's why I was like, oh, wow.

• 49:50Speaker 03

  All right, please.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 49:52Speaker 03

  Walk me through this moment.

• 49:53Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:54Speaker 03

  Walk me through the moment.

• 49:55Speaker 02

  So we're in Paris Fashion Week.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  Okay, of course you were.

• 49:57Speaker 02

  Paris Fashion Week, she has her Renaissance party. And I'm like, okay. They're like, okay, you gonna go? I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go, whatever, I go. And like, you had the biggest stars in there, like, you just had the people who are here for fashion, here for Beyonce. And her team kept telling you, you're gonna have your moment tonight. I said, K, I'll stop saying it, stop, stop, stop, stop saying it. And then Julius pulled me, he said, come here.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  I think Julius is the most famous. Charity, like, everyone knows him, Julius.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  He was like, you. I said, me? He's like, come here. I was like, oh, I knew it. So I came into a circle. It's Jay-Z right here, Beyonce right here. Beyonce gets me hugged. She's like, oh, my God, Ricky, I love what you, I love your videos. She gave me this hand right here. Yes, girl. We hugged and then I was good and I walked out and I bawled crying.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Of course you did.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Bawled crying, bawled crying. I was like, oh, my God. And that just gave me the validation. But also just gave me, it's like, by the grace of Beyonce. You know, like, she just, wow. Like, somebody in that caliber could really, like, you know?

• 50:52Speaker 03

  Yes. And you felt like she genuinely, because it feels like she genuinely

• 50:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 50:58Speaker 03

  likes you and your content.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  Literally. It made me feel so good. I had all these big name people loving me for just me being me. I didn't change at all. You got the same, Ricky. But just older, that's it.

• 51:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, but wiser.

• 51:12Speaker 02

  Wiser.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  Right, yeah.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  Wow, okay. How's the relationship with mom, dad, and sister?

• 51:18Speaker 02

  At this time?

• 51:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Um, great. Oh, great, but my parents had got divorced, so that was hard. Yeah, that was pretty hard.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  I did not know.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Yep.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  Can we go there?

• 51:29Speaker 02

  Yes, go there. Yes.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  When, when did that happen? What, what year?

• 51:34Speaker 02

  They got a divorce, I'm thinking, I'm thinking 2019.

• 51:41Speaker 03

  2019?

• 51:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  You, you know what's so interesting about that? Is you just included 2019. That was basically the comeback of your career. And this is something that always hits me, too, is how we can have these professional highs and these personal lows.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  That happen at the same, the same damn time.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:05Speaker 03

  You know? And also, what I know with many of my friends is that when they have parents who are divorced and they're adults, people say, oh, well, you're an adult, so. But sometimes it can impact even more.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  It did, yeah.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  As an adult. So

• 52:27Speaker 03

  what was your experience with your parents' divorce? How did you find out and how did it impact you?

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Um, well, um, I knew it was gonna happen because growing up, they were not, like, they were not the happiest. But, you know, with being a black household, you gotta stay together for the family. So when me and my sister grew up at the house, they finally felt like it's time. So my mom sent me and my sister a text letting us know that this will be happening. And then, yeah. And I was like, oh, wow, okay, this is really over. Yeah. And it really changed my relationship with my father as well. Like, I was really worried, like, about, like, my mom. Because I'm like, okay, like, you gonna be good? Like, are you fine? That was my big, I was worried about her, basically.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  All right. Now, it was a text.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:20Speaker 03

  And I know you and your mom are close.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:22Speaker 03

  So why, why do you think it was a text that she sent? Because

• 53:27Speaker 02

  I honestly don't know. Like, she could have called me or something. I think she just wanted to, this is, yeah, yeah.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, because, because I noticed that this happens to, I, I have a family member who likes to disseminate bad news and texts.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  So you don't get, like, the real reaction, right? Like, yeah.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  But, but what I've noticed is, is that at least they do it because they don't want to, they don't want the pain of having to

• 53:51Speaker 02

  Right.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  discuss it. They just want to download it. And then

• 53:57Speaker 03

  consider it done.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's definitely what she did, yeah, for sure.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  Okay. How does, then, the divorce change the relationship with your, you and your father?

• 54:06Speaker 02

  We stopped talking. We stopped talking. Me and my dad didn't have, like, the close relationship growing up. But when we got it fixed, I was like, okay, cool. But then they got a divorce and I feel like parents, like, your kids will want to pick a side. And I did pick my mom's side. I did. Because there's, like, certain things that he did, certain things he would say, I just didn't tolerate it.

• 54:27Speaker 03

  How does that, how's that weigh on you?

• 54:30Speaker 02

  It hurts. It really does. Because I've always wanted, like, every boy wants a relationship with their father, you know? And like, when it was good, when he apologized for what he said to, in that room during that time. He apologized that I love you, I accept you, and I was like, okay, good. But then something changed. I was like, you know what?

• 54:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. You, you know, you said something that, that I really felt, you say, you know, every boy wants, you know, their relationship with his

• 55:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:01Speaker 03

  with his father. And I always say is, is, it's so interesting. I feel like it's not just do you want to have love from your father, but you want to know that your father's proud of you.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's all I wanted. That's all I wanted.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  I still did say want that. Like, I don't even know if he is fully proud of me.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's, that's a conversation I hope that you and your father are

• 55:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:25Speaker 03

  are, are, that, that you're able to have at some point.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  So I just don't understand why is it so hard? That's, I'm, I think about that every day. I'm like, why is it so difficult? And then my mom would be like, you know, he's a grown man, you should reach out to him. I'm your child. Why I gotta be, like, this grown person trying to fix a relationship? That obviously you messed up. So. Yeah. Wow.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. You know, and, and I, it's, it's interesting, too, is when I'm talking to someone, I could see there's something that weighs on them.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  And I could see this is something that

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Child, I'm in the whole lot, no, I was not gonna try today. But yeah, it's weighing on me so much.

• 56:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  That I don't have that at all. And it's like, it hurts because my father's not dead. He was never a deadbeat. But now we just have no relationship? That's rough. That right there is pretty hard.

• 56:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  That hurts. Yeah. So it's something I have to deal with, you know?

• 56:24Speaker 03

  Well, I will say, say that given what you just said, he hasn't passed.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  So there's still that opportunity.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:33Speaker 03

  You know, there's, there's, there's still time for it. And what I could see already is, is that if he did that.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  I'd be so happy. All that feeling of, like, this weight. Because it's just my biggest fear, I'm gonna get a call saying he's gone. That would kill me. Now, didn't we have this, like, you know? That's, I'm like, okay. So.

• 56:55Speaker 04

  Hey, Paul, I was just thinking, you're probably starving. It's been such a long day. Let me go grab you something. I'll be back in a sec.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  My entire diet on set consists of Huell. It's so busy when we're here on set that we never quite get the lunch break that we say we're going to get. That's why I keep a bag of our sponsor Huell's Black Edition Powder with me when I'm on the move. Even when someone comes to me and says, hey, Paul, we'll get you some catering, I always say no. These conversations are high stakes. I have to be at my best in every minute. With Huell, I know what I'm going to get, and it has everything I need. Forty grams of protein, it's high in fiber, 26 essential vitamins, and it's less than two pounds. So it even saves on our budget. It's not a protein shake. It's a complete meal.

• 57:47Speaker 03

  I feel relieved that the secret's out. Now I can have it anytime I want. And to try Huell for yourself, go to uk.huell.com/wntt to get 10 pounds off.

• 58:04Speaker 03

  Every guest that sits down on this pod, I'm checking out their fit. The shoes, the jackets, the accessories, no matter what it is, I'm taking notes. The problem is all that inspiration was just living in my head. So I asked Claude, our sponsor, to help. I connected my calendar, a few lines about my style, and the guest looks that I keep coming back to. And in return, Claude set up a scheduled task. And now, every Monday, I get a style guide with the week's events, dress codes, and even the weather. Now this, it's a game changer. I really don't have to do anything. And to get started planning your outfits, go to claude.ai/talk. That's claude.ai/talk.

• 58:47Speaker 03

  And check out Claude Pro, which includes access to all of the features that I just mentioned.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  All right, so who wants a coffee? I'll take an iced latte, please. Done. All right, so Briar wants an iced latte. I'm, of course, gonna have an Americana. Our sponsor Commenter is a new way to make ridiculously good coffee at home or here in the studio. The coffee is sourced from the best independent roasters, brewed at 10 times the strength, and then flash frozen for peak flavor. Just melt to enjoy hot or cold in seconds, no machine required. For hot coffee, just pop it right out the capsule and then pour six to eight ounces of hot water in. For ice, pour a melted capsule over ice and water or milk. And would you look at that unrivaled flavor in seconds? Well, I better get these to Briar.

• 59:40Speaker 03

  Briar, here it is.

• 59:42Speaker 05

  Thank you, Paul.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 59:46Speaker 05

  This is amazing. And you can get $20 off your first order at cometeer.com/paul. Cheers.

• 59:59Speaker 00

  So good, so good, so good. Stay cozy and look cool with up to 60% off cold weather gear at Nordstrom Rack. Save on cashmere, outerwear, boots, and more from brands like Ugg, Vince, Kohan, and Hunter. Join the Nordy Club for free to unlock exclusive discounts, shop clearance, and new arrivals first, and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite Rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you Rack.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season, you create it, layer by layer, until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  Clearly, that 2019 was a hard year.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  It was, it was both challenging personally, but then professionally, it was, it was everything for you.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  Now, what is the thought? Because also, this is COVID.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, but this might could even win even farther. Because all people could do is watch their phones. And I said, okay, I'm gonna still keep posting. And that's when my brand got even bigger. So, yeah.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Right.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  So you just, so COVID.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  It was a blessing to me. I'm like, I stayed in, I locked, now it's like, well, nobody can leave the house now. So I can really take off.

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  And that really expanded everything for me.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  So how would you quantify how it expanded everything for you? Like, it was, what was the following growth?

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  The following growth is big, was huge. I think at this time, I had like 6 million. I had like 6 million on Instagram, the views. I'm over here getting an average 10 million views, a video. Like, I'm getting reposted by every celebrity. I'm like, oh, my God. Jared Leto, Ariana Grande, it's everybody. And I'm like, okay. Like, now the name is like, okay. But you know what's crazy? I still wasn't booking on that day. And I didn't understand it, but you know what? I feel like I was, they didn't want a creator. I think that's what it was.

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  Okay. And why do you think that's the case?

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  I guess, a lot of like, casting directors, they didn't, they didn't understand what I did. They're like, we don't want to get that Ricky for this type of role. But I was like, I can switch, you know, on and off. I'm an actor, so.

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  Right. But they saw you as.

• 1:02:30Speaker 02

  As Ricky, that personality, Chris.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  Personality.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  They didn't want that.

• 1:02:32Speaker 03

  Okay. All right. At this time, too, so you're, so the following is growing. You're getting brand deals during this time. You have UTA, so I'm sure they're negotiating a hire and higher and higher.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  Good job.

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  Yes. So you're back to paying for drinks for everybody?

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:02:53Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. And I got crates, I was making rum, and I started paying for trips.

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  But Ricky, we, I thought we.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  I know, but I, but here's the thing is, I, I was at a hard time to hire again. I was like, okay, like, I could do this. But I was smart this time, okay? I wasn't that crazy, but I was smart this time.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  Okay. So you're paying for trips?

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was all the time, though.

• 1:03:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's another level.

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, you have that friend that says, like, let's.

• 1:03:17Speaker 02

  Let's just go. Because I knew my friends were gonna do it, so I was like, I want to do this, and I want people to be like, okay, yeah, like, we in here. So I did like, do it.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  Which I had no problem with it, but, yeah.

• 1:03:27Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  So then, once COVID wraps up, and then we're back for quote-unquote "business," did you start doing more, did the tours start back up? Did the in-person?

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  The touring life stopped. They stopped putting money towards tours. Once everything got out, I will say, my career got harder, because that's when TikTok came alive. And when TikTok came alive, everybody is doing what I'm doing. And I'm like, how do I stand out now? So that was one hard thing, too. And then, I started getting more declines for acting. So, yeah. So when 2020 happened, I stopped posting videos for like, two years.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  You stopped?

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  I stopped because I was like, I just don't want the casting directors to still see this.

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  And I just want to act. Like, that's literally what I want to do. Because I'm like, I can do this forever. I can make a funny video forever. I don't want to keep doing this, I'm 40. No, I want to act, entertain. I don't want to keep talking to my phone screen anymore. I've been doing this since I was like, 17. You know, I want to change.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  Okay. So for two, so you just stopped?

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  I stopped.

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  All posting, across all platforms? But weren't you concerned about what would happen to your following and?

• 1:04:44Speaker 02

  Yes, I was, but I, I thought about myself. I said, I got tired of living for others. I said, I gotta think about me right now. Yeah.

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  Okay. So during that period, did you double down on acting? Training?

• 1:04:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  I started taking more acting classes and everything like that, and still getting declined, you know? But then when I started posting again, things started lighting up a little bit, so.

• 1:05:09Speaker 03

  All right. So today, what do you think about you as an actor?

• 1:05:15Speaker 02

  Oh, it's great. I booked a movie, I filmed it, it comes out next year. We finally got that yes. And it was, and I have, I remember just crying when I got the call, that I got the audition. But I did have to take that break to get to that, so.

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  Okay. So then, I think, where's, I think there's, there's lots of lessons for so many of us in that. One thing that I see with you professionally is, is that when you get an idea, you don't let it go. You relentlessly march towards that.

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  What allows you to continue marching towards it and not give up? Because I see that you've done this multiple times.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:58Speaker 03

  And to not post for two years?

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  It's great.

• 1:06:00Speaker 03

  To not get booked? You weren't booked for the two years, right? I mean, how do you keep going? What, what is it that allows you?

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  You're talking to myself.

• 1:06:09Speaker 03

  You started back talking to yourself?

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  I started talking to myself. I'm like, look, a lot of people go through this, you know? It's not just you. You're gonna be fine. Look what you've built already. And that's something that I, my mom always tells me. She said, you are so upset that you're not booking an acting role, but people would kill to be in your place today. Like, she was like, do you realize what you've created since you were 17? No one can take your spot away. Because I was also worried about competition, too.

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:06:35Speaker 02

  I'm like, why, why, the noise was just so loud. She's like, you need to stop. Because you have built something that a lot of people could say they could never build. You've worked with the most amazing people, you've made the money, you lived the life. People know who Ricky Thompson is. But your time is coming. And I know it is, and it is. So, you know, I'm just gonna keep on going for it. I should keep telling myself that. It's all about you.

• 1:06:57Speaker 03

  All right, it is. That process, though, what was, how did you feel when you auditioned and then you were told you got the part?

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Well, this was like an audition I really prepared for. I went to an acting college before, she told me how to dress. I said, okay, cool. Because before I would audition, I would wear my regular clothes. It's like, no, we want to see the character, not Ricky.

• 1:07:16Speaker 03

  Ah, okay.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  So I dressed up, I did it. I got a call back with the director. She was like, I love how you read that role. I can see you being as person as I am. I'm a star, I am. The next day, I got the call. And I was in New York. Because I had moved to New York for two years, actually. Because I said, if acting not working, let me try fashion. Boy, was I wrong. Boy, was I wrong. I didn't, in New York? You ought to be tough to live out there. Oh, my goodness. I moved right back. New York, because everyone is just grinding out there.

• 1:07:45Speaker 03

  Everywhere is, is a hustle.

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  It's a sad life, I didn't know shit. I'm like, woo, shaw, woo, it was dark. I'm like, okay. Because every, it's like, every day is a mission.

• 1:07:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  LA is so relaxed. Every, New York, go, go, go. I couldn't do it. So I was like, okay, in the fashion world, mm-mm. So when I, I got the call, and I fell out in the street in New York, started crying, bawling crying. So I said, finally.

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:08:07Speaker 02

  I've been wanting this since I was 17.

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  Yes. Yes.

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Speaker 03

  Film.

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  Film.

• 1:08:12Speaker 03

  Feature film.

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  Come on now, a movie? And I was really worried at first. I said, now, you know, it could have been one of those movies where nobody knew, whatever. But now I got main actors in here, so I know.

• 1:08:21Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. So you can't give us any of it?

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  Well, I, ah, dang.

• 1:08:25Speaker 03

  Can you give us just a little touch?

• 1:08:27Speaker 02

  I can't, oh, my gosh. Well, one of the girls, she's everywhere, I'm gonna bow to you.

• 1:08:33Speaker 03

  Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes.

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  Yes, me and her acting rom-com together.

• 1:08:36Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:08:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  So when I found out, I was like, oh, my God, yes. A girl I grew up watching TV.

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:42Speaker 02

  And you've been on it, and I'm like, girl, I'm in a movie with you?

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. There was an amazing feeling. Like, honestly, truly.

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  I love that for you. I love it.

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  I, I love it. I love it.

• 1:08:55Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:08:56Speaker 03

  And then that comes out next year.

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:08:58Speaker 03

  So then you go on a whole promo run for that. So then I have to ask, then.

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:09:03Speaker 03

  Do you feel pressure now? Because what I hear people say, my friends in the industry is like, okay, these roles are based on, like, you know, your next project is based on the success of the previous year.

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  I'm so nervous. I'm glad you said that. That's what I'm feeling right now. Because I'm like, this could either make or break my career. But I know it's gonna make my career, because I mean, hello.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  You know, and I shot ADR, I mean, like, two weeks ago, and the, the director came and he was like, Ricky, you are just a star. Like, you're meant to do this.

• 1:09:35Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:09:36Speaker 02

  He said, when this comes out, promote it down. Because he said, I just see it for you.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:09:40Speaker 02

  So then you have it. And when he said that, it's made me even more excited. I just wanted to get here already.

• 1:09:44Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  It's waiting to, I mean, oh, my gosh. They told me like, around April next, I said, okay.

• 1:09:48Speaker 03

  Okay, but it'll be here before you know it.

• 1:09:50Speaker 02

  Right. I want it now. I want to be able to actually seeing myself on the camera act. I was like, you really are good at this. I got my ready for myself.

• 1:09:57Speaker 03

  Wow. I can see, you know, what is so incredible is, as these moments in your life, where they've been major level-up moments, like Kylie.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:07Speaker 03

  Adele. Beyonce. Right? All of those, right? I could see how a strong performance in a role like this.

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Speaker 03

  You immediately can become.

• 1:10:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:10:19Speaker 03

  The A-list actor.

• 1:10:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:10:22Speaker 03

  And then it's just.

• 1:10:23Speaker 02

  And it's just, you know, it's just, you know, up from there. And I think that's what I, that's what I see. It's like, my videos weren't getting me nowhere, but I feel like this, people actually seeing me act are like, okay, he could do this.

• 1:10:34Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  You know? I want people to separate Ricky from social media to Ricky the actor. I'm the same person, but two different backgrounds.

• 1:10:41Speaker 03

  Yes. Well, I, I think everyone, all of us, we will be there.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  We, we will be watching this.

• 1:10:48Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 1:10:49Speaker 03

  Yes, on, on, right out the gate, I, I, I love seeing, you know, good people doing good things.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:57Speaker 03

  And so I'm very, very proud of you.

• 1:11:01Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:11:02Speaker 03

  Can we talk?

• 1:11:03Speaker 02

  Yes, let's talk.

• 1:11:03Speaker 03

  About?

• 1:11:05Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:11:06Speaker 03

  Relationships.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  Please, I was waiting for you to ask. Is, is my man here a guy? You got somebody for me?

• 1:11:12Speaker 03

  Well, actually, behind this curtain.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  Oh, stop it, I'm ready, I'm ready to go, yes, please. Oh, yes, I'm excited, let me buckle up.

• 1:11:20Speaker 03

  Let's, let's, let's talk about relationships.

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  Let's get into it, I'm ready, I'm so ready.

• 1:11:24Speaker 03

  Okay, what's the longest, uh, relationship that you've had?

• 1:11:30Speaker 02

  Four months? Four months, a long, yeah, but we, we talked for a minute, but we dated for four.

• 1:11:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  He just wasn't a good guy, so.

• 1:11:40Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  But I still love him down though.

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  To this day?

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. Mm-hmm, I don't know what it is, I feel like, cause that was my first grown relationship. And we bonded on so many different things. He was like, more like my best friend that I started dating, and I loved it. Mm-hmm, to this day.

• 1:11:58Speaker 03

  To this day.

• 1:11:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:59Speaker 03

  Is, is he with anyone else?

• 1:12:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:02Speaker 02

  We actually had a conversation recently, had one night, I was like, I just wanna call him to see how he's doing. And I called him, and then we had a conversation or whatever, and yeah. And it's, when it's having a conversation with him, it's like, wow, I still like, love him.

• 1:12:15Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Speaker 03

  So if you still love him.

• 1:12:17Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:12:18Speaker 03

  You know it's going to be incredibly hard.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  Ex, that, that's what I'm asking you, what I gotta do? So I gotta cut it off, okay?

• 1:12:25Speaker 03

  You're talking to yourself again.

• 1:12:30Speaker 03

  Like, what I gotta do? Gotta cut it off? You gotta listen to yourself more, Ricky.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  I do, I do, I do, you're right.

• 1:12:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. Because I feel like I haven't had anything after him, cause that was six years ago.

• 1:12:40Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:12:40Speaker 02

  My last relationship was six years ago. So I feel like if I had something else, I'd be, you know.

• 1:12:45Speaker 03

  You, you would.

• 1:12:46Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  You would, and as more time goes, goes on.

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  More time.

• 1:12:50Speaker 03

  You'll romanticize.

• 1:12:51Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:12:52Speaker 03

  More about what.

• 1:12:53Speaker 02

  What could have been.

• 1:12:54Speaker 03

  What could have been.

• 1:12:55Speaker 02

  And I don't wanna do that no more.

• 1:12:56Speaker 03

  What you had, yeah. Why is, I'm curious, why has he not moved on, or has he in the six years?

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  Ah, he had a boyfriend, he had one, but now he's like, single now, but I don't, I don't know, I'm like.

• 1:13:08Speaker 03

  Okay, wh- why do you think you two are not together today? Where, where's the incompatibility?

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  He lives in New York and I'm in LA.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:13:16Speaker 02

  That was one bad, that was one thing that didn't work for us, cause like, I'm a lover boy, like I just wanna have my man with me.

• 1:13:22Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:13:23Speaker 02

  And, you know, we, we just had two separate careers, so, yeah.

• 1:13:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:28Speaker 03

  So that's it?

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Other things, you know, that was, there was some other things, you know?

• 1:13:34Speaker 03

  This, this seems like there was some other things.

• 1:13:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, there was, it was, it got to a point where it was also like, competition. Cause like, I was already up here and he was trying to get there too, and I felt like, he didn't, I felt like, I felt like he was dating me for fame. But it wasn't the case, that was me being in my head, you know? But, yeah, but we were, we were like, young, but now we're like, grown, like, we had a grown conversation, I fell right back into it, I said, oh, I love this man.

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  You know, cause that's the person I wanted to be with.

• 1:14:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:02Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:14:02Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:14:03Speaker 03

  I tell you, you will.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  I thank you.

• 1:14:07Speaker 03

  You will continue.

• 1:14:09Speaker 02

  Continue what?

• 1:14:10Speaker 03

  To have these feelings for him.

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:14Speaker 03

  As long as you continue to talk to him.

• 1:14:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:14:17Speaker 03

  And, and this is just my opinion.

• 1:14:19Speaker 02

  Okay, no, no, no, you the expert. You the expert though.

• 1:14:21Speaker 03

  But, but also, I would imagine too, that it's not just the call, is that you'll probably go online, check to see what he's doing.

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 1:14:33Speaker 03

  Right? And, and as long as you continue to do these things, you're sustaining an emotional.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  Bond with him. And then because of the distance, because there's no bad stuff happening, you're romanticizing around that bond. And so it just puts you in a very tough spot.

• 1:14:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:53Speaker 03

  Because you're no longer necessarily open for anyone else.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:57Speaker 03

  And you're probably comparing them too.

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  Dang, yes, you're right.

• 1:15:02Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:15:03Speaker 02

  I'm like, oh gosh, because he's everything I ever wanted, every, that was like, the dream man for me.

• 1:15:08Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  He knew how to dress, he could style me, like, he was just so fine to have around, I was like, I love this man. Like, I remember one time I looked at him, I started bawling crying, he's like, why you crying, I said, ah, because I love you so much. I ain't never done it before with anybody.

• 1:15:20Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, it was, it was like, the first guy I met, his family, I stayed at his childhood place, like, he toured, he showed me his hometown. That was a real relationship.

• 1:15:30Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  So.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, and you felt like he loved you?

• 1:15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I had never had somebody who was so handsy with me, we'd be like, you're mine, I'm like, I loved it, like, he was so sweet, so.

• 1:15:44Speaker 03

  Was, was he your first true love?

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, 1,000%, I have never loved, and I, and I've dated after, but nothing could get to the feeling I felt with him.

• 1:15:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  Like, I was madly in love with him.

• 1:15:59Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, so, so, so, for all of those reasons, and then, everything you're telling me now?

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  This being your first love? That, uh, is such an incredibly challenging position.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:14Speaker 03

  You know, that you're in, and so, I would always say, one is, do everything you can to ensure that it won't work, right?

• 1:16:24Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:16:24Speaker 03

  So even at this point, if you've had that adult conversation, the fact that you two live on different sides of the country, it could still work.

• 1:16:33Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:16:34Speaker 03

  I don't know what the other things are, and I won't ask about the other things. But I feel like, the other thing is like, a long list of things.

• 1:16:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, what's up? But it wasn't, it wasn't to the point, it was so bad, you know, like, he, he never put his hands on me, he had never cheated, well, I don't know, but he never cheated.

• 1:16:52Speaker 03

  But was it healthy?

• 1:16:55Speaker 02

  I will say, I didn't like the guy he made me, he made me feel very small.

• 1:17:01Speaker 03

  Don't.

• 1:17:02Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:17:02Speaker 03

  Stop.

• 1:17:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what was.

• 1:17:04Speaker 03

  And, and, and, and the story?

• 1:17:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:06Speaker 03

  End of story.

• 1:17:06Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:17:07Speaker 03

  You know what the, I think the quickest litmus test is around health? In a relationship, is if your partner makes you feel smaller than who you are, or you need to be smaller in order to sustain a relationship, that's toxic love.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  Okay. Let me close the door.

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  If your partner demands more of you, they're like, man, every, Ricky, everything you bring to the table, I love, and I want more.

• 1:17:33Speaker 02

  I want that so bad.

• 1:17:34Speaker 03

  Right, then that is healthy love. It's those, that, that's the quickest way to determine it, right? And so, that's all I need to hear.

• 1:17:46Speaker 03

  But what that also means, and this is the hardest part, is, in my opinion, you gotta cut him off completely.

• 1:17:54Speaker 02

  Dang, it's so hard nowadays, I see him on it, it's my timeline all the time.

• 1:17:58Speaker 03

  No, that's why.

• 1:17:58Speaker 02

  I scroll past.

• 1:17:59Speaker 03

  No, no, no, see, you, cause I know you don't scroll past.

• 1:18:04Speaker 02

  I said, what else you doing?

• 1:18:06Speaker 03

  You don't scroll past, I, I know you don't.

• 1:18:09Speaker 02

  Mm-mm.

• 1:18:10Speaker 03

  And that's why you've got to, you know, to, to really detach, especially digitally, is, is that you have to unfollow, you've got to, you know,

• 1:18:20Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:18:21Speaker 03

  Black numbers, you've got to, you, you have to give yourself a, almost like a sabbatical away from them.

• 1:18:28Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:18:28Speaker 03

  In order to be able to open up your heart to someone else.

• 1:18:31Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:18:32Speaker 03

  Right, so.

• 1:18:33Speaker 02

  It's so hard though, because with social media and everything like this, it's like, somebody we talk to, I know your ex, I'm like, oh my god, here we go.

• 1:18:41Speaker 03

  Yep, yep.

• 1:18:42Speaker 02

  I'm like, okay.

• 1:18:43Speaker 03

  But you, but you set boundaries.

• 1:18:45Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:18:45Speaker 03

  All right, so, you know, I, I didn't know we were gonna go here, but honestly, Ricky, this is what I, I would suggest to, for you to do.

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  Okay, man.

• 1:18:52Speaker 03

  I would suggest that you send him a message, and you let him know exactly how you feel, you do, you feel like you love him.

• 1:18:59Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:19:00Speaker 03

  But you know this was an unhealthy relationship.

• 1:19:03Speaker 02

  You were about to laugh when I tell you, but you're gonna say, you're about to laugh, I've already did that, and I unblock. Yeah.

• 1:19:13Speaker 02

  I will tell you this right now. Two years ago, I blocked him, so I can't get the cut off. Like this, I just can't do this anymore. I love you so much and I need to heal.

• 1:19:24Speaker 02

  Last week, I unblocked him and I called him to see what he's doing.

• 1:19:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. I need to re-block.

• 1:19:31Speaker 03

  Yes, I need you to have a conversation with yourself and listen and realize that you have to go back. You had it right.

• 1:19:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:40Speaker 03

  You have to go back and do that.

• 1:19:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have to. It's just all right, it's healthy. It's to keep holding on, let it go.

• 1:19:47Speaker 03

  Let it go.

• 1:19:47Speaker 02

  I do let it go.

• 1:19:48Speaker 03

  Let it go.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  Because I feel like he let it go. But I don't know, when that conversation, I said, ooh, it's like old times right now. But I want to get to a point where I'm not nervous around him. And that was the conversation more. I was like, I don't want to go in a room and I see you and I feel like I have to leave.

• 1:20:00Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:20:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. Because we're in all the time, the same rooms all the time. I'm like, oh, there you go again. So we had fashion, we used one time with fashion, I hadn't seen him since I had blocked him. He was sitting right next to me.

• 1:20:09Speaker 03

  Was he?

• 1:20:10Speaker 02

  I was like, oh, I was like, hi. He's like, hey, like, you look good, I see you do too. And my heart just sunk, I was like, oh my god.

• 1:20:15Speaker 03

  Mm, mm. But so it'll only be that way until.

• 1:20:20Speaker 02

  I cut it off.

• 1:20:21Speaker 03

  You cut it off and then you allow your heart to be open to someone else.

• 1:20:25Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:20:26Speaker 03

  And I promise you, when you do that and that someone else walks into your life and doesn't make you feel small and lifts you up and celebrates you the way that you should be celebrated, you will be able to sit next to your ex and not even, not even look back.

• 1:20:41Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:20:42Speaker 03

  You won't even.

• 1:20:43Speaker 02

  But when will that happen? I've been waiting for so long.

• 1:20:45Speaker 03

  But the first step is this.

• 1:20:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:47Speaker 03

  That's why, this is the precursor. That other stuff can't happen until you do this.

• 1:20:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:20:53Speaker 03

  So, so are you going to?

• 1:20:55Speaker 02

  I am. Should I do it right now?

• 1:20:57Speaker 03

  Can you do it now?

• 1:20:58Speaker 02

  I'll do it right now.

• 1:20:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:20:59Speaker 02

  You are so right. Oh my gosh, it's live reaction right now.

• 1:21:02Speaker 03

  This is, but I feel so good about this for you.

• 1:21:07Speaker 02

  Okay, let me see.

• 1:21:08Speaker 03

  You could do it.

• 1:21:10Speaker 02

  So right now, I'm blocking him. Here we go, guys. Oh my gosh, this hurts so much. What if he hits me up, though? I gotta go, okay, you're right.

• 1:21:20Speaker 03

  You gotta go, because remember.

• 1:21:22Speaker 02

  Damn, ooh, that hurt, oh god, oh.

• 1:21:26Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 1:21:27Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh, wow, that's the first step of healing.

• 1:21:31Speaker 03

  That's the first step, that's the first step. I love it, I love it.

• 1:21:34Speaker 02

  We didn't really talk much about a relationship. I thought you were going to hook me with somebody. Do you know anybody for me?

• 1:21:38Speaker 03

  Oh, you know, you know why we couldn't? It's because you hadn't done that.

• 1:21:42Speaker 02

  Well, I did this first, now I'm ready to move on.

• 1:21:45Speaker 02

  Like, who do you see for me? Like, when you do it, I need, can you give me a little bit of information? Like, what do I need to do? Like, how do I go out? How do I, because I'm terrified of speaking to people too. So what I gotta do?

• 1:21:55Speaker 03

  Do you know what? All right, this is going to sound so almost self-serving for me to say, but I, I can give you a guarantee.

• 1:22:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:22:05Speaker 03

  Let me give you a guarantee.

• 1:22:06Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:22:07Speaker 03

  If you moved to London.

• 1:22:11Speaker 02

  Oh, I know I'd be in love, I know that. I didn't know that for a fact.

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  If, if, if you went for 30 days,

• 1:22:19Speaker 03

  I would almost guarantee that you would be in a relationship.

• 1:22:25Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh, really?

• 1:22:26Speaker 03

  With a man. It would be so quick. And the reason why I say that is because there's something I believe. I believe that open-minded people put a premium on what is different. And what I mean by that is, so you're in LA. You're now, I mean, you've lived here for a minute. You are LA.

• 1:22:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:46Speaker 03

  Right? And so you're dating a pool of people in LA. And there's a lot of similarity.

• 1:22:55Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:22:55Speaker 03

  In that pool.

• 1:22:56Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:22:57Speaker 03

  And there's no, there's a reason why you fall in love with someone who lives in New York.

• 1:23:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got tired of people out here.

• 1:23:04Speaker 03

  Exactly. And why he wanted to have a relationship with someone from LA. Right, because you're, it's, it's different, there's, there's less similarity. But when you stretch that even wider and you go to another country and you're talking about accents, you're talking about cultural differences, people who are closed-minded say, ugh.

• 1:23:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:26Speaker 03

  I don't want you, stay away, get out of here, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But the people who are open-minded, they lean in. Oh wow, let me, they, people who are open-minded would love to hear you just talk.

• 1:23:38Speaker 02

  Wow. I've never had that before.

• 1:23:40Speaker 03

  Think about that. Just to sit and say, wow, I love your accent. And they will just sit to hear you talk about, you could talk about fried chicken and grits.

• 1:23:50Speaker 02

  Oh, I love that.

• 1:23:52Speaker 03

  You could talk about making grits. So they're like, tell me about how you make grits.

• 1:23:56Speaker 02

  I want somebody like that.

• 1:23:58Speaker 03

  And then you would do the same, because you're open-minded. So you would say, oh my gosh, tell me about how you make fish and chips.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  Oh my god, tea and crumpets.

• 1:24:11Speaker 03

  Right, tell me how you make your tea, you know? And so that becomes just another point of curiosity. And then also, when you're with someone who's open-minded, when you experience new things together, it's bigger.

• 1:24:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:25Speaker 03

  It's richer, right? And so, and think of all the things, you're going to experience, everything's going to be new and fresh for you. So the premium effect happens when you're with open-minded people.

• 1:24:38Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:24:39Speaker 03

  And those people have different characteristics. And so that's why, that would be my.

• 1:24:44Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:24:44Speaker 03

  Strongest.

• 1:24:45Speaker 02

  I guess I'm coming along.

• 1:24:45Speaker 03

  Just go for 30 days.

• 1:24:47Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:24:47Speaker 03

  30 days, just go for 30 days.

• 1:24:49Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:24:49Speaker 03

  It'll, I promise you, it'll change your life.

• 1:24:51Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 1:24:52Speaker 03

  Change your life.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  Okay, I'm gonna do it.

• 1:24:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:24:55Speaker 02

  I'm not going in the wintertime, I should stick with the summer. But yeah, the wintertime's a little rough, yeah.

• 1:25:00Speaker 03

  But that's also cuffing season in the winter.

• 1:25:02Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, all right, let me get my sweaters. I'll be there this year.

• 1:25:07Speaker 03

  Layer up.

• 1:25:08Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:25:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:25:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:25:10Speaker 03

  So that's my, truly.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  Okay, and if you say it, I know it's gonna work.

• 1:25:14Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah. All right, so, and now when this is happening, let me know.

• 1:25:17Speaker 02

  Okay, I got you. Oh my gosh, I am, I'm, so you're the first one I call.

• 1:25:20Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. Yeah, and then maybe, okay, and I'll tell you what, when you come, I'll line up your first date.

• 1:25:37Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh. It's gonna fall out. Yes, yes. Okay.

• 1:25:42Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:25:44Speaker 02

  Oh my gosh, yes.

• 1:25:45Speaker 03

  That's my commitment.

• 1:25:46Speaker 02

  Okay, oh my god, yes.

• 1:25:47Speaker 03

  I'm gonna line up just the first one.

• 1:25:49Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:25:50Speaker 03

  Because we need to have a series.

• 1:25:52Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:25:52Speaker 03

  But I'll line up the first one.

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  Oh gosh, yes.

• 1:25:54Speaker 03

  Yes. Yes.

• 1:25:56Speaker 02

  So do I tell you what I want?

• 1:25:58Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, we'll go through, we'll go through.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  We'll go through the whole process? Oh my gosh, this is it, okay. Ah, okay.

• 1:26:06Speaker 03

  But now remember, you cannot have talked to him.

• 1:26:08Speaker 02

  No, he has gotten blocked. Nope, nope, we're gonna move on, move on for big and better.

• 1:26:13Speaker 03

  All right, all right, this is good.

• 1:26:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:26:16Speaker 03

  This is good, I love it.

• 1:26:17Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 1:26:18Speaker 03

  I love it. All right, so where does fashion really enter the picture for you? Was it North Carolina or was it?

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  It was North Carolina, yes. My godmom, she got me into fashion growing up.

• 1:26:32Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:26:33Speaker 02

  And I was like, oh, this is pretty cool. And then during like the social media era, Tumblr was big. So I would see a lot of people on Tumblr dressing nice. I just loved looking good. So yeah, that's what started it.

• 1:26:44Speaker 03

  All right, so it was your godmother?

• 1:26:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank her. She put my very first Sean John sweat track suit. And I was like, okay, with the matching tip.

• 1:26:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:53Speaker 03

  Come on, you know, I know Diddy's a touchy subject, but Sean John.

• 1:26:58Speaker 02

  That was like the brand, okay? That Velour suit, what? Wow.

• 1:27:02Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, I do remember it, it was good.

• 1:27:05Speaker 02

  It was so good.

• 1:27:05Speaker 03

  It was good.

• 1:27:06Speaker 02

  So good.

• 1:27:07Speaker 03

  So would you say you fell in love with fashion? All right.

• 1:27:10Speaker 02

  I did.

• 1:27:11Speaker 03

  Once you got to LA, did you feel like you could express your, your fashion muscle more?

• 1:27:17Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 1:27:18Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:27:18Speaker 02

  I could wear a crop top and not be looked at wrong. Yeah, North Carolina, woof, you'd get stoned over there if you were a crop top back in that time. But like, in LA, it was accepted, people loved it, so.

• 1:27:31Speaker 03

  Yes. You know, can we talk about fashion and identity?

• 1:27:36Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:27:37Speaker 03

  Because this is what I find to be, maybe this is a privilege of mine, is I feel like there's nothing I could wear. I've never, for example, felt like if I wear something, I'm gonna get stoned.

• 1:27:50Speaker 02

  Mm, like literally, one wrong outfit could really ruin everything, you know?

• 1:27:55Speaker 03

  So even to this day, that must be a consideration for you.

• 1:28:00Speaker 02

  You know, it actually is a little bit. Like, I feel like there's a little bit of trauma, I feel like. Like, I still, like, when I go somewhere in LA, I still dress respectfully. Just because I don't want to get a look, I don't want to feel like I'm being watched or anything like that.

• 1:28:13Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:28:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. So when I go back home, this, you won't get this, not at all.

• 1:28:18Speaker 03

  You would not wear this?

• 1:28:18Speaker 02

  Uh huh, no, not at all.

• 1:28:22Speaker 03

  Uh huh, okay, now, but, but you're Ricky.

• 1:28:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:26Speaker 03

  You're big Ricky now.

• 1:28:26Speaker 02

  I know, you know, but it's just that little bit of me that's still like, I can't shake off. I just feel, I just get so scared, I get so nervous. Because like, people are crazy nowadays, you just never know, so, yeah.

• 1:28:38Speaker 03

  And then what about, because you're, you're traveling all over the world. Do you do the same for certain parts of the world?

• 1:28:43Speaker 02

  Uh, uh huh, like, if I go to London, I could wear a crop top there. Miami, I can do it there. But certain places, like, if it's the country, uh huh, not at all.

• 1:28:53Speaker 03

  Okay, so you think about that before you?

• 1:28:57Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 1:28:58Speaker 03

  Before you pack the bag?

• 1:28:59Speaker 02

  Uh huh, I'm like, oh, let me make sure, like, you know, yeah.

• 1:29:03Speaker 03

  All right, so I've, I've seen you.

• 1:29:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:05Speaker 03

  On some walks.

• 1:29:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:29:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I see that you're, I think that's part of your identity.

• 1:29:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:14Speaker 03

  People know you as, okay, he's, he's not just, like, he knows fashion. And that's something that I can see that you pride yourself in, which, which, which I always appreciate. I think that says something about how someone considers themselves.

• 1:29:28Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 1:29:29Speaker 03

  You know? And in particular, I'm old school, so I look at shoes.

• 1:29:35Speaker 03

  That's why when you walked in, the first thing I was like, I want those. Yeah, yeah, yes. Here's how I want it. I want you to look at this photo and tell me all of the things that you are proud of about this person. All right?

• 1:29:55Speaker 02

  Ah, yes. Wow, I'm at the Oscars.

• 1:30:08Speaker 02

  I'm at the Oscars. That's the first.

• 1:30:10Speaker 03

  That's it.

• 1:30:11Speaker 02

  You know.

• 1:30:11Speaker 03

  That's all you have to say, really. And then hand it back. Okay, bye.

• 1:30:15Speaker 02

  You know, when I look at this person, I just thank God every day. Because this person right here had been through a lot. Been through a lot. And you know me on social media, I never really talk about what I go through at all. Because people always say like, yo, I don't go to therapy because I watch Ricky. And it's hard to be that person online that people expect you to be happy all the time. I have been in my darkest days. Like, this era in my life was going through stuff with my dad. Me and the boy had just broken up. Oh, wow. And, you know, but I said, you're going to the Oscars. And you worked your ass off to get here. And I'm so proud of myself. I really, truly am. I really am. Because even though it gets hard, I'm never gonna give up. I'm never. I feel like I need to go through hard stuff

• 1:31:00Speaker 02

  to get through the light. Everything kept perfect.

• 1:31:02Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:31:03Speaker 02

  So, yes, I'm very proud of myself. I really am.

• 1:31:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I could see it. I could feel it. And you know what's so interesting? Is I think when you look at that photo, you're at the Oscars, right? Dressed impeccably. You would think all is good.

• 1:31:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:21Speaker 03

  But here, it wasn't.

• 1:31:24Speaker 02

  Uh-uh. Oh.

• 1:31:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:26Speaker 02

  Like, you don't know what people are going through. That's insane. You think that somebody has all and they don't. It's just a thought. And I want people to start seeing that, like, life ain't perfect now. But when I look at this, I remember the day when I was there. I was so happy. Celebrities walking past. Ricky! That was amazing. The, I was, because I went with, I went with the actual Academy. They were shocked. They said, how did all that know you? I said, I know, right? They walked up, Ricky! Hey, Ricky! It was everything. And I'm like, wow. I did that.

• 1:31:52Speaker 03

  You did.

• 1:31:54Speaker 02

  Wow. Wow. Love him.

• 1:31:57Speaker 03

  Yeah. You did that.

• 1:31:59Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:32:00Speaker 03

  You did that.

• 1:32:02Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:32:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. You did that.

• 1:32:04Speaker 02

  I sure did. Oh, wow.

• 1:32:05Speaker 03

  So then, final question. Everybody gets this final question.

• 1:32:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:32:10Speaker 03

  It is my favorite. If you think about all of the memorable conversations you've had throughout your life, which one stands out to you the most? Who was it with? And what did you learn?

• 1:32:26Speaker 02

  My mom. My mom, when she told me, she's like, stop comparing yourself to people. Look what you've created already. You should be proud of who you are today. You're alive. You have a career. You're going to be just fine. This, actually, this conversation should be maybe like a month ago. And something switched in. Because I was feeling very low. I was just, because, well, I would say, after acting, you go to the period where you book something and you wait for the next one. And when I would get no calls, I started feeling low again. My mom had to bring me up, say, Ricky, be thankful of what you've done already. And it stuck with me. And I'm gonna keep going.

• 1:33:00Speaker 03

  Yes. Yes, I love it.

• 1:33:02Speaker 02

  I love her.

• 1:33:02Speaker 03

  I love it. You know what I have? I've learned a lot about you.

• 1:33:07Speaker 02

  Oh!

• 1:33:08Speaker 03

  A lot, a lot, a lot. And with these conversations, there's always something that I kind of zone in and I always take with me. And what I'm taking with me in terms of this conversation is I love how you have been your best cheerleader. I love that.

• 1:33:27Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:33:28Speaker 03

  I love looking in that mirror when the world feels like it's against you and saying, you got this. Saying it out loud. And when I look at your career, your career, you, you did this.

• 1:33:43Speaker 02

  No help.

• 1:33:44Speaker 03

  No help. Like, no one, I didn't hear one handout that you got in this. You are this child from Raleigh, North Carolina, who literally got it out the mud.

• 1:33:59Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. So did.

• 1:34:00Speaker 03

  You know? And to think how much you've achieved is incredible. But then to think, this is just the first chapter.

• 1:34:08Speaker 02

  And they're crazy.

• 1:34:13Speaker 03

  It's just, it's just the first chapter.

• 1:34:15Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:34:15Speaker 03

  You know? What, what now will come?

• 1:34:20Speaker 02

  Oh. And I'm so excited. I'm so ready.

• 1:34:24Speaker 03

  Yes. Yeah, and it's coming for you, too.

• 1:34:26Speaker 02

  It's coming. I feel it. Like, I feel so sure about it.

• 1:34:29Speaker 03

  Yes. I think everybody does.

• 1:34:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:32Speaker 03

  You know? And I think, too, that's probably what you should carry the most is that there's so many of us who root for you.

• 1:34:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:38Speaker 03

  Who cheerlead for you. You know? But what I'm taking away is you have to be your own cheerleader.

• 1:34:45Speaker 02

  That too.

• 1:34:46Speaker 03

  And you are that.

• 1:34:47Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm glad.

• 1:34:50Speaker 03

  So, Ricky, so thank you. I'll see you in London.

• 1:34:52Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, in London with my new man. Yes! Oh, yeah!

• 1:34:56Speaker 03

  Ricky. Little Ricky. Such incredible story of self-determination. He recognized early that he had to be a cheerleader for himself. That's something that we can all, we can all take a lesson from. I'm noticing more and more artists and creatives who are successful are actually introverts. They're not shy, but they're confident introverts. And what I love is that he's now understanding that and he's protecting his energy. But I also see how it's going to be a challenge for him

• 1:35:38Speaker 03

  in this, in the rise of his acting career. Uh, and it'll be something that he needs to battle with. He blocked his ex in real time. That was something. That was definitely one of the most memorable moments in the conversation to me. The lesson is, is truly, it seems so simple for me to say, but truly, the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is an unhealthy makes you feel small. Healthy demands more of you. Ricky's going to be in London. I'm looking for eligible bachelors.

• 1:36:24Speaker 03

  Message me in the comments. DM me. Put your name in the comments. Because I need to find a date for him when he comes.

• 1:36:33Speaker 05

  I'm just like, you know what? I need to one-up these gays. I'm just gonna sprinkle a little bit of like, oh, I kissed a guy at the end. What could that mean? But I did not think that this was going to officially be my coming out video.

• 1:36:46Speaker 05

  I had internalized homophobia, but I wanted to be seen. And that's when I started my YouTube journey. I just remember taking am I gay quizzes.

• 1:36:54Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:36:54Speaker 05

  Well, first of all, if you're taking that quiz, you're gay.

• 1:36:58Speaker 05

  I started to realize that things with my mom were changing. So, there was the strong, independent woman who was still caring and nurturing. And then there was this very depressed and emotionally abusive version. Darkness definitely took over at 19 when I got the opportunity to move to LA. There was like no hesitation. My mom was out visiting me. She was basically saying her goodbyes to me. She said, I just took a bunch of pills and alcohol. And she was overdosing. I remember just looking at her, taken out on a stretcher, and I said, wow. My boyfriend at the time, Daniel, was traveling and I was by myself again. I didn't know what to do.

• 1:37:43Speaker 03

  Do you believe that you will find love again?

• 1:37:47Speaker 05

  Neither of us have been in a relationship since. That could potentially change everything.

• 1:37:55Speaker 01

  Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly, the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

• 1:38:23Speaker 00

  Ally here with cash when you need it. Like after that fantastic meal. And it's time to tip your server. And your wallet's empty. Don't be in shock. Ally's got you covered with 75,000 fee-free ATMs nationwide. Ally Bank Member FDIC.

• 1:38:39Speaker 03

  Honey, that flu keeping you up?

• 1:38:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't got this.

• 1:38:42Speaker 03

  You need NyQuil Intense Flu. Undo your flu symptoms with NyQuil Intense Flu. The nighttime sniffling, aching, aching fever best leave with a flu medicine. You do got this. Uses directed, keep out of reach of children.