One More Drink w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand

No guest this week, but Mark and Sam keep the drinks and new material flowing. They break down awkward fan encounters, comedy’s strangest workplace problems, Ozempic, romance, snooze-button etiquette, and the jokes they’re still trying to crack. Plus, they review Hoop Dreams and Beef, talk World Cup fever, and create the ultimate Bodega Cat Whiskey slushie. Sponsored by: Live like a legend: 20% off Willie’s Social Tonic, plus free shipping on orders over $95 https://www.drinkwillies.com — code WMBD Enjoy tonight and feel your best tomorrow: 15% off ZBiotics https://www.zbiotics.com/drunk — code DRUNK Start your free Shopify trial https://www.shopify.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Willies #ZBiotics #Shopify #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, we're here. We might be drunk, baby. Solo Up!

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  I love a solo up.

• 0:11Mark Normand?

  Good to be back, huh, solo?

• 0:13Sam Morril?

  How you been?

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa, good. I just had the Fourth of July. I was gone for six days. My flight got canceled, so...

• 0:19Sam Morril?

  You were struggling out there.

• 0:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, it's the suburbs. The hard part of the suburbs is, there's kids everywhere, which is great. It's fun. One kid broke my watch, so that's gone.

• 0:27Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  Well, we're just all wrestling all day, you know? I got headlocks. They're so little, I feel like, you know, the Hulk.

• 0:33Sam Morril?

  It is fun throwing a kid.

• 0:34Mark Normand?

  Oh my god!

• 0:35Sam Morril?

  Liz has that great bit about throwing the kid in the pool.

• 0:37Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 0:37Sam Morril?

  That's the closest you can come to abusing a child. You just throw them into the pool. That's one of my favorite things.

• 0:42Mark Normand?

  His whole face changed. That's a great bit. Oh, yeah. Peters is on the slushies.

• 0:47Sam Morril?

  Why did we get a slushy maker? Did someone send this, or were you just hankering? I was just hankering.

• 0:51Mark Normand?

  These are going for sale on Amazon. My brother-in-law had one of these at the Fourth of July.

• 0:57Sam Morril?

  I love a slushy maker.

• 0:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, we did margaritas, we did daiquiris, Kahlua. What do you call it? Pita colada?

• 1:06Sam Morril?

  I love a, uh, an ice maker too, but I bought the shittiest one. It takes like four hours to make like this much ice. And you're like, I'll just use a tray. What are we doing here?

• 1:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right? That sucks. So what do we got in here? A little bodega cat and cherry Coke?

• 1:21Sam Morril?

  Looks like cherry Pepsi.

• 1:25Mark Normand?

  Don't you hate that guy?

• 1:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:27Mark Normand?

  Pepsi over Coke.

• 1:28Sam Morril?

  Some people claim they can taste the difference. I don't think I'm one of them.

• 1:30Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 1:33Sam Morril?

  Dude, that's fucking incredible.

• 1:35Mark Normand?

  That was like the kid version of banging a trans girl on accident. Like, what? It's Pepsi! I had no idea!

• 1:42Sam Morril?

  That's Lenwich now. It used to be Lenny's, now they're Lenwich.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:46Sam Morril?

  Like, alright.

• 1:47Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, new identity.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  Somehow I got more Jewish. Oh, by the way, I went to my bagel place. New, brand-new bagel place on my block. I went in, no bagels.

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:57Speaker 02

  I was like, "You're two days open. You don't have any bagels?" He stole it out. He was like, "We don't have our license yet to sell bagels."

• 2:02Mark Normand?

  But there's a bagel license now?

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 2:04Sam Morril?

  I wonder who owns this?

• 2:08Mark Normand?

  No bagel, no bagel, no bagel.

• 2:10Sam Morril?

  Damn. Nope. So, what do you need for a license?

• 2:13Speaker 02

  I don't know. They're just selling sandwiches. I was like, "Not even on a bagel?" They're like, "No, we don't have that license yet."

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  That's a lie.

• 2:18Sam Morril?

  You can't open a bagel place without bagels.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:21Sam Morril?

  That's crazy!

• 2:22Mark Normand?

  It's just bread with a hole in it. So can you have a bread? Do you need a bread license, or is it specifically for bagels? Yeah!

• 2:28Sam Morril?

  We only have garlic knots today, sorry.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  You can make the hole.

• 2:33Sam Morril?

  What the hell? That's crazy. That's crazy.

• 2:36Mark Normand?

  Look it up.

• 2:36Sam Morril?

  I will tell you, they don't need any more business, but Apollo Bagels, have you had that shit?

• 2:41Mark Normand?

  No.

• 2:42Sam Morril?

  It's unreal.

• 2:43Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 2:44Sam Morril?

  It's one of those like annoying influencer places with a line, but they deliver. It's so good.

• 2:49Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 2:49Sam Morril?

  I walked by and there was no line. I was like, "I gotta try it."

• 2:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Sam Morril?

  It's that good, dude.

• 2:53Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 2:53Sam Morril?

  It's like a thin, crispy bagel.

• 2:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, a thin bagel, I like.

• 2:56Sam Morril?

  And it's got the, you know, the smoked salmon, the dill, the capers, the onions. It's a fucking... And I love an open face.

• 3:03Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 3:04Sam Morril?

  I don't like that we just gave into the sandwich always. You're getting less bites.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:09Sam Morril?

  I like the open face.

• 3:10Mark Normand?

  Are you, do you scoop it if it's a fat bagel?

• 3:13Sam Morril?

  Uh, no.

• 3:13Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  It feels like sacrilege. You get looks.

• 3:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, really? Shit.

• 3:18Sam Morril?

  And I think in the New York bagel place, they're like, "Scoop, alright, fucking..."

• 3:20Mark Normand?

  Damn. Jeez.

• 3:22Sam Morril?

  It's coming out to you, it's coming out to your dad in the eighties. That's the look you get. Scooped bagel, alright.

• 3:28Mark Normand?

  That's a Larry David episode. I picture him walking into the temple and they're like, "He's a scooper."

• 3:33Sam Morril?

  That is a great episode. The, the white fish?

• 3:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:36Sam Morril?

  And the sable?

• 3:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the sable.

• 3:38Sam Morril?

  So seriously, take your sandwiches.

• 3:40Mark Normand?

  That's the one they name it after him?

• 3:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 3:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. And he's like, "No one's getting sable?"

• 3:44Sam Morril?

  It's true. It's two fishes. It's two white fishes together. It's a lot.

• 3:48Mark Normand?

  Is that what it is?

• 3:49Sam Morril?

  I think that's what it was, yeah.

• 3:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, god.

• 3:51Sam Morril?

  You want the turkey. I love a turkey sandwich.

• 3:53Mark Normand?

  Love turkey.

• 3:54Sam Morril?

  Is turkey your go-to?

• 3:55Mark Normand?

  Go-to. Then roast beef, then ham.

• 3:58Sam Morril?

  I might go ham, then roast beef, but yeah, turkey's just fucking solid.

• 4:03Mark Normand?

  Retail bakeries require a food service permit and staff must fa... Okay, so it's not a bagel license?

• 4:10Speaker 02

  To sell bagels commercially.

• 4:11Mark Normand?

  Oh wait, while home-based bagel operations are governed by new... Okay, I guess so.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:17Mark Normand?

  Wow. Now I picture like a meth head type guy making bagels in his trailer. Like Breaking Bagel.

• 4:24Sam Morril?

  With Mom Donnie in office. You better get ready for that.

• 4:29Sam Morril?

  Jews in trailers. That'd be a fucking series. Uh, damn dude.

• 4:34Mark Normand?

  I think I got a lot of Jewish actors. That's a different kind of trailer.

• 4:38Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 4:39Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah. So, I was on the subway the other day, and I'm in Brooklyn, going to Manhattan to do shows.

• 4:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 4:45Mark Normand?

  Got a pod going. I see a guy come on, one-stop-in, and he goes, "Mark Norman." I go, "Hey, what's shaking?" And he goes, "I'm a young comic. I gotta pick your brain." I was like, "No, there's no escape. He had me." It was like a mariachi band, where you're just stuck there.

• 4:59Sam Morril?

  Oof.

• 5:00Mark Normand?

  And I mean...

• 5:00Sam Morril?

  But the mariachi band leaves.

• 5:02Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 5:03Sam Morril?

  That's the big bonus. The mariachi band, you got a minute.

• 5:05Mark Normand?

  You know what was the, right when he said, "So how long did it take for you to like, to make it?" And I was like, "Well, you're fucked." If you're worried about that, you're not, you know, you're not doing it right.

• 5:15Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 5:16Mark Normand?

  He's like, "I've been doing it a couple of years. I got a bit about this." He's like, "Do, break down the bits," and I'm like...

• 5:20Sam Morril?

  But there were people like that when we started, and now I think with the social media shit, it's gotten out of whack.

• 5:25Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 5:26Sam Morril?

  Cause they're seeing people explode immediately. They're like, "No, no." It's like the comics we knew growing up who look at like road calendars, and it would be like, "This fucking hack is headlining there?"

• 5:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:35Sam Morril?

  They're like, "Don't look at the worst guy headlining on the calendar. Look at the best dude."

• 5:38Mark Normand?

  Good point, yeah. But he was doing like the, "I don't know what I need to do. I don't know how I gotta make it." And I'm like, "Oh, just, just keep going." He's like, "How do I get an agent? What's the story?" And I'm, and I'm like, "The fact that you don't know this sucks for me is weird." That, like, being a comedian, you gotta be a little self-aware.

• 5:56Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 5:56Mark Normand?

  There's zero self-awareness. And he was a sweet guy, super nice guy, but I'm like, "The fact that you don't know this is a faux pas is a bad sign."

• 6:03Sam Morril?

  How many stops are we talking?

• 6:04Mark Normand?

  We're talking from Atlantic Barclays to 14th Street Union Square.

• 6:10Sam Morril?

  Whoa, that's a long one.

• 6:11Mark Normand?

  That's a long one. So I was just stuck.

• 6:12Sam Morril?

  That's always when the train goes out too.

• 6:14Mark Normand?

  I know!

• 6:14Sam Morril?

  When you're in a conversation like that, they're like, "Oh, we have some maintenance on the track ahead." You're like, "Fucking kill me."

• 6:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh god. And do other people deal with this? It's like, if a, if Bledsoe is on the train and a young high school quarterback...

• 6:28Sam Morril?

  Drew Bledsoe?

• 6:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 6:30Sam Morril?

  Alright, that was a pull.

• 6:32Mark Normand?

  Culpepper, whoever.

• 6:34Sam Morril?

  Mark stopped watching football in 2004.

• 6:36Mark Normand?

  Michael Vick.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Brady.

• 6:39Mark Normand?

  Jerry Rice.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Bledsoe.

• 6:41Mark Normand?

  What?

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Brady took over for Bledsoe. So it would be a young Brady.

• 6:45Mark Normand?

  Alright, young Brady sees Bledsoe on the train. Is he like, "So, how do you get a spiral? What's the, what's the deal with the end zone?"

• 6:52Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna go up to a quarterback. He's like, "What do I do?" And he's like, "You're, you don't look like you have it." And I'm like, "I'm working on it." No, I mean, it's, you know, he clearly respects you, but I think you gotta make the boundary there of like...

• 7:04Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 7:04Sam Morril?

  Well, it was nice to meet you. Best of luck with everything. I gotta watch my set or whatever.

• 7:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I just can't, I can't do it.

• 7:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 7:11Mark Normand?

  But I come on here and trash it, so...

• 7:13Sam Morril?

  This is way worse.

• 7:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:14Sam Morril?

  You could've, you could've just said it to him and been like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I gotta..." Instead, you're like, "Yeah, 100,000 people here now."

• 7:19Mark Normand?

  I know. He did the, he's like, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "I got a couple of spots." He goes, "Can I tag along?" And I was like, "Golly, man!"

• 7:26Sam Morril?

  It's tough.

• 7:27Mark Normand?

  It's tough. But I caved, and he's coming on the show.

• 7:29Sam Morril?

  God damn it, Mark!

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Come on in, Ronan.

• 7:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Ronan.

• 7:34Sam Morril?

  No, we, uh, it happened to me with a kid on the street, but he was great. He was actually like awesome. He totally like gave me an out. And I liked him enough that I was like, I gave him my number.

• 7:44Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 7:44Sam Morril?

  And now I feel like, now I have like, and I fucked him. And I think, no, I think, I think now I have like stock. I'm like rooting for him.

• 7:51Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 7:52Sam Morril?

  Cause you know, he's like, he did his Montreal audition. He's like, "I didn't get it." And I was telling him, you know, it took, you know, Mark, it took me Mark.

• 7:59Mark Normand?

  Five years.

• 7:59Sam Morril?

  I think it was our fourth or fifth year.

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:02Sam Morril?

  And it's, yeah, you know, it's okay. You don't wanna go before you're ready and stuff and, you know, I don't know what it is anymore, the fest, but...

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  I don't either.

• 8:10Sam Morril?

  But yeah, when they give you the out, you're like, "That's beautiful."

• 8:13Mark Normand?

  But you got a vibe from him that he wasn't a weirdo.

• 8:15Sam Morril?

  No, he was cool.

• 8:16Mark Normand?

  And he wasn't pushy. Yeah, that's the difference.

• 8:17Sam Morril?

  It was the second time I saw him too. The first time I saw him was on the street, and the second time was at his show. And I was like, "Alright, he's cool."

• 8:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I mean, we're like hot women now, where people are like, "Let me get your number. Let me get, let me chat with you." And I'm like, "I don't wanna chat with you." And not to be, not to say we're, when I met Seinfeld for the first time, he gave me his number and I go, "I'll never use this." And he goes, "Use it, use it!" But that's the key. You gotta go, "I'm aware that you're huge, and I'm nobody, and I'm putting some, some distance between us." This guy was no distance. I mean, just...

• 8:46Sam Morril?

  Just, even like in a casual conversation, you need a little distance.

• 8:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:50Sam Morril?

  You need to breathe.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  You need to breathe. It's like going up to a girl and being like, "Can we fuck?" You have to go, "Hey, uh, can I take you out?"

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  Alright, I'll stop doing that, okay. I told you that in confidence. I didn't know that would make the rounds.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Are you guys entering your mentor phase?

• 9:03Mark Normand?

  No, this has happened before.

• 9:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, anytime you're, it's a young comic and they see a working comic, I think, you know? But I was very much like, when I did that, I was also very, I was nervous. You know, I would definitely always give them an out and be like, "Oh, tell me if I'm bothering you," or...

• 9:17Mark Normand?

  Yes, that, that's huge. That goes a long way. Just that like, that little wall up.

• 9:22Sam Morril?

  Cause you know, Mark is also leaving home where there's a baby, and he needs these, like, train is a moment where you can kinda zone out a little bit.

• 9:28Mark Normand?

  True that.

• 9:29Sam Morril?

  And get into like, cause it's like Louis when he was on this pod saying like, Chris Rock told him, "Turn off the radio even." Like, you need kinda those train rides where you just kinda zone out and let your mind wander, I think. So I totally, I get it.

• 9:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. It was, it was hard. Your whole train ride, you're like, "Oh, I got 30 minutes. Look at my notes, listen to my set, that's all going."

• 9:46Sam Morril?

  It happened to me once on a plane ride where a guy's like, "I'm a huge fan," whatever. And I was like, "Oh, thanks, man." And then, and then of course, we're seated right next to each other on the long flight.

• 9:53Mark Normand?

  I've had this, I've had this.

• 9:54Sam Morril?

  And he was cool though. He was like, "I totally get you. You gotta work." I was like, "Thanks, man."

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  Ah, there you go. There you go. I had a rig pig. I was going up to Edmonton, and the rig pigs are the guys that work on the oil field.

• 10:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, totally, yeah.

• 10:04Mark Normand?

  And they're like real blue collar guys.

• 10:06Sam Morril?

  Blue collar, but they make a good living on doing that.

• 10:08Mark Normand?

  Great living.

• 10:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:09Mark Normand?

  But I sat next to him, and the whole ride, he's like, "So what's Tom Segura like?" And I'm like, "Oh, he's a nice guy, funny guy, ha ha." And then you get that moment of like, "Alright, I think we're done." And then a minute and a half later, he's like, "Burt Kreischer, really that drunk?" And you're like, "Ah, shit, I can't get a moment."

• 10:24Sam Morril?

  Tom wrote a whole book about this. The plane interactions.

• 10:26Mark Normand?

  I know. So, it's, it's very nice, but it's, uh, you gotta have some, some buffer.

• 10:33Sam Morril?

  It's like any conversation.

• 10:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:35Sam Morril?

  Anytime you talk to anyone, cuz even any conversation you have, you ever talk to someone and they just don't let there be a moment of silence? Those interactions stress the fuck out me.

• 10:44Mark Normand?

  Me too, me too. And then you wanna get a line in, like, oh, some fans, like, hey, I love your stuff, and you're like, oh, I got a funny thing to say here. Then they step on it, and you're like, well, what, what are we doing here? But I think what it is, is they listen to 18 million hours of you, this is their turn.

• 10:59Sam Morril?

  Right, right.

• 10:59Mark Normand?

  That's what they, that's how they see it. Like, I gotta get my shit out.

• 11:02Sam Morril?

  I remember opening for Marin, like, in 2010 or something.

• 11:05Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 11:06Sam Morril?

  And it was right when WTF blew up.

• 11:08Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:09Sam Morril?

  And I asked him about...

• 11:11Mark Normand?

  What? What club?

• 11:13Sam Morril?

  Rooster Teeth Feathers.

• 11:14Mark Normand?

  Woo, Sunnyvale, California.

• 11:16Sam Morril?

  And he was telling me about dating and how it was just hard to date, cuz he's like, he feels like these women know everything about his life.

• 11:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 11:25Sam Morril?

  And then it's like, you know, you put these podcasts out, and if women want to, they could fucking, they could dig in and be like...

• 11:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:33Sam Morril?

  Oh, you ever do this? And you're like, I don't think so. Like, well, I heard you did it on this podcast. You're like, fuck.

• 11:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:38Sam Morril?

  I was, I was trapped.

• 11:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, that's tough. How was that weekend with him? Cuz that's a, that club has no real green room.

• 11:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like an outdoor green room.

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:48Sam Morril?

  And the mi, I remember the mic kept breaking, and he was like, as comedians, we need one thing.

• 11:54Mark Normand?

  Ha, ha, ha, ha.

• 11:56Sam Morril?

  And he ain't wrong.

• 11:56Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:57Sam Morril?

  Don't make the mic break. But, no, he was cool. He was, he'd hit me up and be like, you wanna get some Vietnamese sandwiches?

• 12:04Mark Normand?

  Banh mi.

• 12:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:06Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 12:06Sam Morril?

  So, yeah, we get a lot of Viet, every day we get a Vietnamese sandwich for lunch.

• 12:10Mark Normand?

  That was, I remember the first time doing that club. It's so suburban.

• 12:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:14Mark Normand?

  It's like out by Silicon Valley. It's all houses with white picket fences, and it's the opposite of New York. It couldn't be more different.

• 12:20Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 12:21Mark Normand?

  Although the club, I feel like they were very squeamish. Anything dark, they'd be like, woo.

• 12:26Sam Morril?

  Oh, dude, I, I remember working out that alligator baby joke. That was a club a woman walked out and yelled, "You suck," as the door slowly shut.

• 12:35Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 12:36Sam Morril?

  And it's like, you know, that was a pretty, I guess some people would say, dark bit, so you gotta work it out somewhere, and it is funny as hell that you work out in just like suburban strip malls.

• 12:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:47Sam Morril?

  Let me drag my dead baby chunk through, uh, through Sunnyvale, California.

• 12:52Mark Normand?

  That's the place to do it. It's a good room and a good club.

• 12:54Sam Morril?

  It was good, it was good.

• 12:55Mark Normand?

  It was small, and there was not really a lot of stakes there. I had an opener there. I wish I could remember his name. He was, you know, you magically get an opener, and you're like, this guy's unbelievable. This guy has like a great comedy mind, good instincts, great writing. God, what was his name? He was a tall guy with long hair. So funny, but now every time I see a roast or he's on it, he's in the writers' credits. So I was like, good for him, he made it.

• 13:19Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 13:19Mark Normand?

  But I can't remember his name. Shit, I'm sorry. LA guy. But very funny.

• 13:26Sam Morril?

  Nice plug.

• 13:27Mark Normand?

  Sorry.

• 13:28Sam Morril?

  He's great. He's one of the best. I'd love to get him work, but I can't remember anything.

• 13:33Mark Normand?

  He's, he's doing fine. He's writing in every show, every, every room.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  What's nice is like 100 comic, comics are taking credit for what you just said right now.

• 13:39Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 13:40Sam Morril?

  Talking about me!

• 13:40Mark Normand?

  They'll po, they'll cut a clip of this. Great. It's a wide net I'm spreading here, but I can't, Owen, or, ah, I'll never think of it. Damn, he was good. I was in awe. Like, it was hard to follow, and he was just a regular old nobody, not nobody, but like, random comic.

• 13:56Sam Morril?

  It's a mixed feeling when you draw one of those openers, because a part of you is so happy for comedy, that, that a young buck is coming up and crushing. The other part is like, I gotta follow this shit.

• 14:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was tough.

• 14:08Sam Morril?

  At least if it's good, at least you're like, alright, I gotta step. But I'm, I'm in that phase of new material now where, you know, uh,

• 14:16Sam Morril?

  I always start the new hour too dirty.

• 14:18Mark Normand?

  Mmm, well, dirty works.

• 14:19Sam Morril?

  Cuz it works. So like, but that, that's fine for a little bit, but then you gotta weed out something like this one. And then I, I was trying to, you know, trying to get away with, like, all new.

• 14:28Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:28Sam Morril?

  And you have your 15, and they lit me late at the cellar, and it was like, probably like 17, 18 I did.

• 14:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, big difference.

• 14:34Sam Morril?

  And then, and then you're like, alright, let me dig into the other new, and then you're like, this is too dirty. I could feel like the crowd knew it was too dirty. You get like, they're like, yeah, no, we got it.

• 14:41Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 14:42Sam Morril?

  Enough about your dick, you're, you're middle-aged at this point.

• 14:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the new stuff is tough. And I did, I did a six-week or six-day vacation that first set back with new material. Woo wee! You feel like, uh, your gun is not loaded, you know? You're out there like, ah, ah, now you're head, you're pistol whipping, cuz you got nothing left.

• 15:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I had a set at the cellar, and, uh, I'm, I'm outside, and the host goes, uh, you're on, you're on next. I was like, oh, cool, got it. So he goes in, and I guess he didn't see me in the room. He's just like doing six, seven minutes or whatever. It was, he did a while, maybe it was five minutes, I don't know, but it felt long, and I'm talking to Mike Vecchione. We're just like bouncing jokes and stuff, and, uh, I'm like, why is he doing so much time? This is weird. And, and he's like, oh, yeah, it's a little weird. And then I just hear him go, "Where the hell is this dumb guy?" And I just like get in his sightline, and he goes, "Oh, sorry."

• 15:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 15:35Sam Morril?

  He's just calling me dumb. I'm like, I'm here.

• 15:37Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 15:38Sam Morril?

  And then he goes, "Um, I'm sorry, that was my mistake." And he brings me on, it's like, you tap into some dude just deep anger. I was like, I've been here the whole time.

• 15:46Mark Normand?

  Well, you get, you get nervous up there when it's just you.

• 15:48Sam Morril?

  Totally, totally. Miscommunication, but it's a fun moment when you see a guy like kinda snap.

• 15:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:53Sam Morril?

  And then have nowhere to put it, cuz I was there.

• 15:57Sam Morril?

  But it's funny when you see a dude just kinda have like a semi meltdown.

• 16:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:01Sam Morril?

  When we were doing Bad Rooms all the time, I had them all the time.

• 16:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:05Sam Morril?

  You just snapped.

• 16:06Mark Normand?

  Snap sets, all the time.

• 16:07Sam Morril?

  Thank God they don't have footage of us doing like prom shows from 2011.

• 16:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, God, those were wild.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  From 2011, or maybe 2014?

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  What's that?

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 16:19Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 16:21Sam Morril?

  What's that?

• 16:21Speaker 02

  I have no idea. I just found it on the internet. I was looking you up.

• 16:23Mark Normand?

  It's like to be one of the comedy's most eligible bachelors. Ah!

• 16:27Sam Morril?

  What the hell is that from?

• 16:28Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 16:29Mark Normand?

  Is this In Touch magazine? It looks like one of those, uh, rags you see at the airport.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  I was looking you up on the internet.

• 16:35Mark Normand?

  That's wild.

• 16:37Sam Morril?

  Tell All Sam Morril.

• 16:38Mark Normand?

  This is the picture they chose too for a bachelor?

• 16:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it looks rough.

• 16:42Mark Normand?

  Well, I mean, I'd say you look bad, but like, give me a guy in a suit, you know, at a, at a Fallon or something. This is like, hey, ladies, ha!

• 16:50Sam Morril?

  2011, what magazine?

• 16:51Speaker 02

  I think it's 2014.

• 16:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Wow, that's hilarious.

• 16:55Sam Morril?

  Tell All. I'm sure that moved a lot of fucking, uh, magazines. Sam Morril's what he's, he's running the Tell All?

• 17:01Mark Normand?

  This looks inquiry, you know? It's kind of, looks like a real shitty, kinda, what do you call those? Those leafy square magazines.

• 17:11Sam Morril?

  I think this is like a red-eye thing. There's probably, I think this is a joke.

• 17:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, maybe, maybe.

• 17:14Sam Morril?

  This is Greg, Jonah, yeah, this is like a red-eye thing.

• 17:17Mark Normand?

  Good call. Good detective work there.

• 17:20Sam Morril?

  Dude, I sleuthed that shit.

• 17:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Uh, what'd you do for the fourth? Did you set your AC for 78?

• 17:29Sam Morril?

  We claimed we did.

• 17:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:31Sam Morril?

  Everyone claims they set it to 78, but no. Um, you know, you, it's not livable, dude.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  Can you explain what, that you're referencing?

• 17:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, Mayor Mamdani, uh, he's just saying, you know, we don't want to power outages in the city.

• 17:43Mark Normand?

  And then there was one.

• 17:44Sam Morril?

  So everyone set it to 78, their AC units, and it was like, dude, come on.

• 17:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:48Sam Morril?

  I mean, uh, 78, when it's that hot outside, it feels like 88 in your apartment. So, yeah, no, it does nothing. Um, but, no, it was...

• 17:58Mark Normand?

  You see those fireworks?

• 17:59Sam Morril?

  No, I didn't see them.

• 17:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 18:00Sam Morril?

  I'm, I'm good with fireworks.

• 18:01Mark Normand?

  Well, the videos of the train ride...

• 18:03Sam Morril?

  It's like, I've seen them.

• 18:04Mark Normand?

  Train ride over the bridge? Pull some of those up on Instagram.

• 18:07Sam Morril?

  No, those were cool. I saw those, but it's like...

• 18:09Mark Normand?

  It's pretty cool.

• 18:10Sam Morril?

  Mateo lives in my building. He was mad they wouldn't let, like, you can only bring one person on the roof.

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 18:15Sam Morril?

  And I was like, do you really need to see the fireworks?

• 18:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:18Sam Morril?

  It's more of a social thing, I guess, cuz, you know what? I saw his play. I saw Chicago on Broadway. Mateo plays, uh, Billy Flynn, the lawyer in Chicago on Broadway, Mateo Lane. Unbelievable. He killed it.

• 18:27Mark Normand?

  Wow, on Broadway, that's like gay mountaintop. Like, that's, you, you made it to Mount Olympus.

• 18:32Sam Morril?

  He's the top. And, uh, no, he killed it, man.

• 18:36Mark Normand?

  Good for him.

• 18:37Sam Morril?

  He was so good. He can see, he's got pipes. Yeah, he looks great. It's fun as hell. It's a fun show.

• 18:42Mark Normand?

  Chicago's great. I've seen Chicago. Yeah, it's awesome. Good for him. Congrats, Mateo.

• 18:48Sam Morril?

  Uh, but yeah, I don't give a fuck about that. Yeah, it was so hot. I went to a Yankees game. I lasted maybe two innings.

• 18:54Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 18:55Sam Morril?

  It was a heat wave. It was like 100 degrees. Then there's a rain delay. A rain delay and a heat wave is such a fuck you.

• 19:01Mark Normand?

  That's true, yeah. Where, where's your god now?

• 19:04Sam Morril?

  Well, there's nowhere to go. You're just kinda stuck around. I'm like, how, how long can I hang in the, uh, in the merch store?

• 19:10Mark Normand?

  Also, you're supposed to control the weather. What the hell?

• 19:12Sam Morril?

  We had, we had to call into our people.

• 19:15Mark Normand?

  Wow. Look at that. He made it. Love the guy with the camera phone filming this.

• 19:26Mark Normand?

  Oh my lord.

• 19:29Sam Morril?

  I got that sweet Chicago bootleg dude.

• 19:31Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah. That's great.

• 19:34Sam Morril?

  He killed it. I was proud, man.

• 19:36Mark Normand?

  That's great. Yeah, I was out in the burbs with the in-laws. We had a ninja. We had one of these, so. Drinking heavily. There it is. Look how cool that looks on the train.

• 19:46Sam Morril?

  It does look cool.

• 19:47Mark Normand?

  That is really something. What a town. What a country.

• 19:50Sam Morril?

  Alright, I take it back.

• 19:51Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 19:52Sam Morril?

  You got me back.

• 19:52Mark Normand?

  For a train ride. That's pretty amazing.

• 19:54Sam Morril?

  That's pretty epic.

• 19:55Mark Normand?

  Imagine being a tourist, like a World Cup tourist seeing that. It'd blow your mind.

• 19:59Sam Morril?

  You really get two weeks of decent weather in this city though. It was legit 100 degrees.

• 20:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:05Sam Morril?

  And ain't 100 in fucking Phoenix where you can kind of just chill. It's 100 where you're like, oh, I'm gonna kill myself.

• 20:10Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. But let me just throw this out there. Maybe the best summer in New York in the last 40 years.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 20:17Sam Morril?

  This is?

• 20:18Mark Normand?

  The Knicks.

• 20:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  World Cup. The fireworks and everything.

• 20:22Sam Morril?

  Citizen starring, Citizen Vigilante starring Army Hammer.

• 20:25Mark Normand?

  Army Hammer.

• 20:26Sam Morril?

  What's it called?

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Uh, Citizen Vigilante.

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  Number one on Apple, number one on Amazon.

• 20:31Sam Morril?

  Is it really? No, it's not.

• 20:33Mark Normand?

  I swear to God. Give it a goog. It's blowing up. I mean, everybody's thinking it's the worst movie ever made. Like, it's the production is shit.

• 20:39Sam Morril?

  Including him, I hear.

• 20:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:41Sam Morril?

  He's not exactly, like, can you go in a press store? He's like, yes, it's the worst thing.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  That ever happened to me.

• 20:46Sam Morril?

  It's worse than the allegations against me. That's how bad it is.

• 20:50Mark Normand?

  When you watch it, you're gonna wanna bite your arm off.

• 20:52Sam Morril?

  What's the quote there?

• 20:53Speaker 02

  It says, um...

• 20:56Mark Normand?

  Starring a racist film, Citizen Vigilante, by calling it hateful and disgusting.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  He says, he was in tears after watching the final cut.

• 21:03Sam Morril?

  Is that where it went down? It looked like there was an AI thing.

• 21:05Mark Normand?

  Good tears or bad tears?

• 21:07Speaker 02

  The claim that Hammer called the film hateful and disgusting was not given, he was not given the full script and cried after viewing the final cut, came from an anonymous source.

• 21:16Mark Normand?

  Oh. So you know what they should do? You know on like Dune, they have the popcorn bucket. It looks like the Dune monster. For him, it should be like. Skin pieces, you know? They sell it at the theater. Lean in.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Like, you weren't given the full script. Who do you think you were shooting here? You're shooting the whole family.

• 21:31Mark Normand?

  He had a decent argument, though. The whole scene, the opening starts with a big rape scene.

• 21:36Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay. So they're doing the death wish thing?

• 21:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 21:39Sam Morril?

  But then he just kills immigrants for no reason? He's just killing the wrong people?

• 21:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, pretty much.

• 21:44Sam Morril?

  This is what happened to me when I was in Joker. They, uh, they said that I was gonna be, you know, they had me film like a ton of jokes. And I just assumed the movie was gonna be about me telling jokes. And then Joaquin Phoenix was in it. Pretty fucked up, so.

• 21:57Mark Normand?

  They really twisted it on you.

• 21:58Sam Morril?

  I should've read the whole script, man.

• 21:59Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 22:00Sam Morril?

  No, this is ridiculous. This is like, you gotta, I guess he doesn't have an agent, though. I was gonna say, he could have an agent.

• 22:06Mark Normand?

  92.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  What, 6% from critics?

• 22:10Sam Morril?

  We call that a reverse Hannah Gatsby.

• 22:14Mark Normand?

  Watch out, this could be our movie. Same numbers.

• 22:16Sam Morril?

  I know. Well, we gotta kill those immigrant scenes.

• 22:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:20Sam Morril?

  We gotta stop leaning into that. In Act Two, for some reason, Mark and Sam, as a liquor salesman, just start killing immigrants. It's a really weird twist.

• 22:28Mark Normand?

  Killing bodega owners. You wanna have our whiskey?

• 22:32Sam Morril?

  That's my cat. As we walk into the sunset.

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Sam Morril?

  90 minutes, though. You gotta give it that. At least it's quick.

• 22:39Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 22:40Sam Morril?

  Are there clips we can find of this? Oh, wait, wait. Read some of the reviews.

• 22:43Mark Normand?

  Here we go.

• 22:44Sam Morril?

  Let's see. The apartment scene is a horror show borderline snuff. A bloody home invasion mixed with smug, a smug lecture on politics.

• 22:53Mark Normand?

  See, that intrigues me. Unreal. He goes places others don't.

• 22:58Sam Morril?

  Yes, immigrants' homes. To kill them.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Wow, that's nuts.

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa. Character's not developed enough. Best movie I've seen in a long time. It's pretty good if you set your expectations properly. Pretty daring subject matter. Whoa.

• 23:16Sam Morril?

  Equalizer and John Wick. I didn't love Equalizer, I gotta be honest. I loved Denzel. I just think it's like...

• 23:22Mark Normand?

  They made three of them.

• 23:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. It's like, got moments for sure. Denzel's awesome, but it's like, I don't know. It's like weird when a guy his age is in it. Like, I'm sick of the old dudes in action movies.

• 23:33Mark Normand?

  That's what they do now.

• 23:34Sam Morril?

  Cause it's like, it's literally just, you have to do this. You have to just be like a quick cut and he's like.

• 23:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:39Sam Morril?

  Cause he can't do like crazy shit.

• 23:40Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 23:41Sam Morril?

  At least Keanu, when he did the John Wick, was like young enough to still kind of do some cool shit.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:46Sam Morril?

  That being said, Denzel's cool as fucking, he's always good, but...

• 23:49Mark Normand?

  That's the one Dakota Fanning is a kid and he has to protect her?

• 23:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she's, uh, no, Chloe Moretz, right? That one?

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:55Sam Morril?

  She's like a Russian prostitute?

• 23:57Speaker 02

  He used to get Man on Fire.

• 23:57Mark Normand?

  Man on Fire, I liked a lot.

• 23:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that was a cooler one. But this is like, it's also just funny, the Russian prostitute. He's just like, so then he just murders all the traffickers. Maybe that prostitute needed that job.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 24:11Sam Morril?

  It's hard out there, dude.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Taking jobs away from immigrants.

• 24:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, exactly. A reverse vigilante, if you will.

• 24:18Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 24:18Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 24:19Mark Normand?

  Remember the Bilbo Beach guy? He was killing hookers all... Gilgo Beach.

• 24:22Sam Morril?

  Bilbo.

• 24:23Mark Normand?

  Bilbo Baggins.

• 24:25Sam Morril?

  The cops are like, we can't find this Bilbo guy.

• 24:27Mark Normand?

  He's barefoot. How can we not find him?

• 24:29Sam Morril?

  Bilbo.

• 24:29Mark Normand?

  He's in the Shire.

• 24:31Sam Morril?

  We're at the wrong beach, I think. We're not picking up Bilbo on Maps app.

• 24:37Mark Normand?

  Gilbo? Gilgo. Gilgo. That sounds like a weird, uh, channel. Where was the FIFA? It's on Gilgo.

• 24:45Sam Morril?

  I had a joke about the Gilgo Beach killer. It was about how, uh, about how he had a soundproof room in his home, like a dungeon, really scary. It was discovered by a cadaver dog, which I was like, that's the worst dog job ever. Cause there's like, you know, drug sniffing dog, there's seeing eye dog. As a cadaver dog, that's like, I heard they don't even bark when they find a dead body. They light a cigarette and go, poor kid didn't even have a chance.

• 25:09Sam Morril?

  You offer them a treat and they're like, you think I can eat after the shit I've seen today?

• 25:14Mark Normand?

  You can't bring that dog to the beach either. You throw him a frisbee. He's like, hey, I got a head over here in the sand.

• 25:19Sam Morril?

  They go home and beat their dog wife. I just keep it going for a living. No, but it's, uh, no, but that guy was like, did you see that guy? He was like fucking massive.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 25:26Sam Morril?

  That was like, remember True Detective? The guy was like huge?

• 25:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:28Sam Morril?

  It was like that. Yeah, he looked like he was like 6'7". I could be wrong, but...

• 25:32Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 25:33Sam Morril?

  He looks like Tucker Carlson if shit really went south.

• 25:36Mark Normand?

  Whoa, he does.

• 25:37Sam Morril?

  Look at that shit.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  So this is, he was like an architect and he was featured on like ABC News, like as somebody who makes great buildings or whatever.

• 25:47Mark Normand?

  I think, didn't he leave a note? He did some kind of trolly thing.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  No, he took their phones and then called their family.

• 25:52Mark Normand?

  That was it.

• 25:53Sam Morril?

  That's like, it's like going back to the scene of the crime. It's like trolling the victims.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  He loves victimizing people and it's just more victimizing.

• 25:59Sam Morril?

  He's trolling them, though, isn't he?

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 26:02Mark Normand?

  That serial killers loved doing that. He would go to midtown where you couldn't ping his phones. There was so much, uh, phone activity. Crazy.

• 26:09Sam Morril?

  And, yeah, do you see the testimony? He was like, yes, I did all those things. It's like...

• 26:12Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 26:13Sam Morril?

  But he's a psychopath. I mean, he's a, he's a, he killed like, I think eight that they're sure, and I'm sure many more.

• 26:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. When the wife was out of town, he had like a torture dungeon.

• 26:25Mark Normand?

  Long Island, baby. These are the people going to governors.

• 26:28Sam Morril?

  No, he's a scary dude.

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Crazy. How often is a wife going out of town?

• 26:35Sam Morril?

  Uh, I don't know, but you know, these people are always good at living double lives. Like John Wayne Gacy was another one who, uh, like his wife claims, like he never missed like a date night.

• 26:45Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 26:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, these guys, cause they're good at living a double life. They're able to maintain the other part without suspicion. They're able to keep killing people.

• 26:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:53Sam Morril?

  So, you know.

• 26:54Mark Normand?

  And going on a date night takes as much acting as not looking like a serial killer.

• 26:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, give him an Emmy.

• 26:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 27:01Sam Morril?

  That takes all the fucking...

• 27:04Mark Normand?

  These guys, I mean, they're...

• 27:05Sam Morril?

  You think Daniel Day-Lewis can act? This guy was fucking smiling and grinning through one of his wife's stories while he had a fucking hooker in the trunk.

• 27:12Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 27:13Sam Morril?

  That's acting, my friend.

• 27:14Mark Normand?

  That is acting.

• 27:15Sam Morril?

  I'm not saying it's good, but it's good acting.

• 27:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, they should, you find a way to turn these guys to good, cause they get shit done. These guys are efficient. Look at Ted Bundy. The guy's a fucking lawyer. He's getting out of prison. He's picking up any chick he wants.

• 27:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Get your heart out, Mateo Lane. That is performing, my friend.

• 27:31Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 27:32Sam Morril?

  He gave him the old razzle dazzle.

• 27:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Mark, do you have a new joke about undercover cop acting? Something like that?

• 27:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, I have a joke about how gay sex used to be illegal. And I'm like, how do they, how do they enforce that? That's gonna be the worst undercover gig of all time. And I just have a plainclothes cop in a hotel room like, getting fucked in the ass. And he's like, you're under arrest.

• 27:53Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's good.

• 27:53Mark Normand?

  I had to wait till it went in. Do I get, do I get booked yet? But yeah, just a, one of those funny scenarios.

• 28:00Sam Morril?

  Make My Day.

• 28:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, forgotten Clint Eastwood film.

• 28:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:06Sam Morril?

  Go ahead. Make Me Gay.

• 28:08Mark Normand?

  Make Me Gay.

• 28:11Sam Morril?

  Wasn't that a Pacino movie?

• 28:13Speaker 02

  Uh, no, Make My Day is, which one? No?

• 28:15Sam Morril?

  Cruisin'.

• 28:16Mark Normand?

  Cruisin'.

• 28:16Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 28:17Sam Morril?

  Undercover.

• 28:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 28:19Sam Morril?

  Did he actually fuck dudes in that movie? I never saw it.

• 28:21Mark Normand?

  Probably not.

• 28:21Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 28:22Mark Normand?

  Might've blown a guy.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. That famous line, hips or lips, is from that movie.

• 28:26Mark Normand?

  Ah, hips or lips.

• 28:27Sam Morril?

  I don't know that one.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  That means, that means...

• 28:29Mark Normand?

  We're hanging out at a different bar.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Blow me or fuck me in the ass.

• 28:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Don't clip this.

• 28:36Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 28:37Sam Morril?

  Clip it.

• 28:38Speaker 02

  So, we do a segment on the show called Working on Any Bits.

• 28:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's true.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  This would be a perfect time for that.

• 28:43Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm writing down a Clint Eastwood movie.

• 28:46Sam Morril?

  Make Me Gay?

• 28:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Dirty Harry Asshole.

• 28:48Sam Morril?

  That might be too old a reference.

• 28:50Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true.

• 28:52Sam Morril?

  Your crowds are like, what the fuck was that?

• 28:54Mark Normand?

  We need an updated cop movie.

• 28:56Sam Morril?

  Do You Feel Lucky?

• 28:57Mark Normand?

  How about Poo Detective? Okay, okay. Do You Feel Lucky? Eh, that's too old too, I think. Uh, hmm, what's the new cop movie? Maybe Taken? That's not a cop. Departed? That's still 20 years.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:12Mark Normand?

  Heat's coming back.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:14Sam Morril?

  Heat Two.

• 29:15Mark Normand?

  Heat Two.

• 29:16Sam Morril?

  Hope it's good.

• 29:17Mark Normand?

  I know. The cast is amazing.

• 29:19Sam Morril?

  It's just weird when movies take that much time off, and I feel like it fares better for a drama than a comedy. You know?

• 29:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:25Sam Morril?

  Cause like, they redid Dumb and Dumber, they redid Beverly Hills Cop.

• 29:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:29Sam Morril?

  Comedy, it's like, you gotta be when you're in the fucking zone.

• 29:32Mark Normand?

  I know, Happy Gilmore Two. It's all nostalgia jokes. It's all like, oh, remember that? Oh, I forgot about that guy. It's all callbacks.

• 29:38Sam Morril?

  But like, yeah, I feel like a drama, maybe?

• 29:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:42Sam Morril?

  Heat is a cool fucking movie.

• 29:43Mark Normand?

  Cool movie, and they got the same director, so that's a good sign.

• 29:46Sam Morril?

  He's gone, he's got to be in his 80s.

• 29:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:49Sam Morril?

  Michael Mann.

• 29:50Mark Normand?

  I think, what's his face? What's the guy who did Gladiator? Ridley.

• 29:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:54Mark Normand?

  He's still making movies, I think he's 95.

• 29:55Sam Morril?

  Gladiator Two is pretty rough, though.

• 29:57Mark Normand?

  It wasn't great.

• 29:58Sam Morril?

  Did he do that one?

• 29:59Mark Normand?

  I think he did.

• 29:59Sam Morril?

  Did he?

• 30:00Mark Normand?

  I think so.

• 30:01Sam Morril?

  That's one of those where you're like, why a sequel? It's no reason other than money.

• 30:04Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 30:05Sam Morril?

  Because you don't need a sequel.

• 30:06Mark Normand?

  It was best picture.

• 30:07Sam Morril?

  The first one's so good.

• 30:08Mark Normand?

  So good. It was a phenomenon, and he also did Napoleon, I believe.

• 30:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but the one he did before that was really good. The one with Matt Damon and Adam Driver. It was like Rashomon style, where they were like, they were knights.

• 30:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, with the rape case?

• 30:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Yes, that was great.

• 30:24Sam Morril?

  It was like Rashomon, basically.

• 30:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's underrated.

• 30:26Sam Morril?

  Uh, what was it called again? Ridley Scott, Matt Damon, people are screaming at their friends.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:33Sam Morril?

  Uh, but that was a cool movie.

• 30:34Mark Normand?

  Great movie, I saw it on a flight, I loved it.

• 30:36Sam Morril?

  Same, yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  It's telling me the Martian. Oh, The Last Duel?

• 30:39Mark Normand?

  That's it, that's it.

• 30:40Sam Morril?

  Damn, that was 2021. Yeah, that was a good movie, dude.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Gillis recommended that on a flight. He was watching, he was playing a...

• 30:48Sam Morril?

  It's so funny, I was on a flight with Chris O'Connor.

• 30:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 30:51Sam Morril?

  And he was like, you gotta watch The Last Duel. And I told him he had to watch Sexy Beast, and we fucking...

• 30:54Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 30:55Sam Morril?

  And we both were like, good pick.

• 30:56Mark Normand?

  That's a cool movie, Sexy Beast.

• 30:57Sam Morril?

  Sexy Beast is, and it's also like a good summer movie.

• 31:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:01Sam Morril?

  The vibe is so summery and cool and shit.

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  So cool, yeah. What's that guy's name, the fat guy?

• 31:05Sam Morril?

  Ray Winstone.

• 31:06Mark Normand?

  He's great.

• 31:07Sam Morril?

  The Departed.

• 31:08Mark Normand?

  He's a cool dude, yes.

• 31:09Sam Morril?

  And that, and that song, uh, Peaches?

• 31:16Mark Normand?

  You know whose favorite movie that is?

• 31:18Sam Morril?

  Who? Todd Barry.

• 31:20Mark Normand?

  Uh, DeRosa.

• 31:21Sam Morril?

  And Todd Barry.

• 31:22Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 31:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:23Mark Normand?

  Well, I gotta re-watch Sexy Beast.

• 31:24Sam Morril?

  Me too, it's a cool fucking movie.

• 31:26Mark Normand?

  Uh, but yeah, Shane was doing his world of work. He does those, uh, role-playing games with like, World War II.

• 31:32Sam Morril?

  No way.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's a big dweeb with that shit, on the laptop. And I was watching, he recommended Last Duel, yeah. It's funny, this beer-drinking, football-playing, you know, funny guy.

• 31:42Sam Morril?

  He's just fucking a slave as Thomas Jefferson, and he's like, insert penis.

• 31:48Mark Normand?

  I'd play that game. Sounds like fun.

• 31:52Sam Morril?

  Um, yeah, it's made by the people who made Citizen Vigilante.

• 31:57Sam Morril?

  Rated M for mature, let's see what we got, for jokes. Um, I got a few angles I wanna try.

• 32:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, me too.

• 32:04Sam Morril?

  Um, I'm in the place now where I'm in a lot with the jo- I just, I'm up every night, so the jokes are either working or not working.

• 32:11Mark Normand?

  Same!

• 32:11Sam Morril?

  I'm not really, like, I don't have a lot of like, great premises, you know? Or I think I would have more with them, but... Oh, this was an angle I had about, uh, you see women, like, I see, I get a lot of these like feminist posts, you know? Like, on my feed or whatever, and I got one that said, uh, "Dear men, if she says come for me, that means she wants it to be over." And I was like, yeah, I think every guy ever is okay with that. I've never heard one guy be like, "This is really fucked up that she asked me to come." That was really messed up. So that was the first part, and the second part I had was like, you see these accounts, they write like, sex work is real work?

• 32:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:46Sam Morril?

  You see that all the time, and I'm like, yeah, it's usually a woman who does that, you know? Cause they think it's feminist to write that. If a guy is writing that, you're like, I think that guy just fucks a lot of prostitutes.

• 32:54Mark Normand?

  Right, right, that's true. Yeah.

• 32:58Sam Morril?

  And I was trying to go further with the sex work thing, how it's like, is it a real job? Is it, cause people get defend- I threw it out a few times, and people get defensive with it. Where they're like, it's real work, and I'm like, well, it's definitely hard work.

• 33:08Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 33:08Sam Morril?

  I don't know if it's real work.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, you have a W2?

• 33:11Sam Morril?

  Well, it's like, you, people, people, that's fair, but...

• 33:15Mark Normand?

  It's under the table.

• 33:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah. But, uh, I mean, if you're an OnlyFans, you probably have a W2, right?

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  I was talking about prostitution, but yeah.

• 33:22Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 33:23Mark Normand?

  But that's considered sex work as well, I think.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:25Sam Morril?

  OnlyFans. It's an umbrella.

• 33:26Mark Normand?

  It's an umbrella.

• 33:27Sam Morril?

  So then I had a thing like, people leave teaching to do OnlyFans, no one leaves OnlyFans to become a teacher.

• 33:34Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 33:34Sam Morril?

  That was one angle I was trying to go with, and it's like, I got kind of like a reaction, but didn't really know where to go.

• 33:38Mark Normand?

  That's a good angle, though. That's true. It's kind of the same with comedy.

• 33:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:45Mark Normand?

  You know, like, no one is ever like, uh, "Oh, I'm a comedian, but I'm dying to be the head of Nabisco." You know, but the head of Nabisco will sometimes try comedy.

• 33:55Sam Morril?

  Right. See, comedy, I've always said comedy and sex work is kind of similar.

• 33:59Mark Normand?

  I think that's an angle.

• 34:00Sam Morril?

  We both don't get it, it's like, we get it, we both, both of our parents are like, "Are you sure?"

• 34:04Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 34:06Sam Morril?

  That's an angle, like...

• 34:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Work nights?

• 34:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 34:08Mark Normand?

  Work nights, you gotta take it up the ass, you gotta...

• 34:11Sam Morril?

  Although I feel like, sex work, you can blow up immediately. Whereas comedy, like, you know, Dre de Mateo, Shannon Elizabeth, they made money on OnlyFans immediately, you know, uh...

• 34:21Mark Normand?

  Uh, Steve-O.

• 34:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 34:22Mark Normand?

  Had to work at a little...

• 34:24Sam Morril?

  Well, he'll make money, but like, but it's like, it's a harder transition.

• 34:26Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly. You gotta give your soul away, it's usually a broken people.

• 34:32Sam Morril?

  It's too inside to that angle, too.

• 34:34Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 34:35Sam Morril?

  But I do feel there's like a weird kinship with sex work and comedy, cause it's like, they're both kind of...

• 34:42Mark Normand?

  And you know, also, a lot of comedians later will be like, "I said too much, I wish I hadn't opened up that much, now my kids see it." And then porn stars or whoever are like, "Ah, my kids are gonna see me doing porn."

• 34:51Sam Morril?

  Either way, we're doing what we're doing because of an absent father.

• 34:54Mark Normand?

  There you go, exactly.

• 34:56Sam Morril?

  That, no, I don't know, something there. And then I wrote one more thing about, this might be dated, but I, I was just looking up sex work, crazy shit, and Bonnie Blue. That woman, she slept with a thousand fifty-seven men.

• 35:07Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 35:08Sam Morril?

  And, uh, in one day, that was a Guinness record. They just kept fucking her the whole day.

• 35:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:13Sam Morril?

  And, uh, I looked it up, the previous record, nine hundred and nineteen men, so she could've stopped at nine twenty.

• 35:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good.

• 35:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she really wanted to shatter this record.

• 35:21Mark Normand?

  Overachiever.

• 35:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 35:23Mark Normand?

  She's the Joey Chestnut of nuts.

• 35:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like, just fucking, at nine twenty, they're like, "We got it." She's like, "No, keep it, let's keep going."

• 35:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:31Sam Morril?

  I'm cha- I'm not chasing the record, I'm chasing greatness. I don't know where to go with that one, but I think that's like a, there's a turn maybe there.

• 35:37Mark Normand?

  If I was the thousand nineteenth guy, I'd go, "Come for me." Please, like, let's end this thing, Jesus.

• 35:42Sam Morril?

  Well, they don't all come.

• 35:44Mark Normand?

  The guys?

• 35:44Sam Morril?

  You think she made every one of them come? That would've taken like fucking weeks.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  I think everyone gets like a twenty-second shot.

• 35:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, they get twenty seconds.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:52Sam Morril?

  That really shows you what garbage guys are.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:55Mark Normand?

  I know, they'll line up for that shit. That's the new breadline.

• 35:57Sam Morril?

  The other thing is like, if a, it's impressive when a guy, like, when you hear like Wilt Chamberlain or Gene Simmons, like, for a guy to fuck quadruple digits, you have to be an absolute legend.

• 36:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:06Sam Morril?

  For a woman to do it, you really just need a free day.

• 36:08Mark Normand?

  You need a free day, then write that down, that's something.

• 36:11Sam Morril?

  Clip that, remember that, alright.

• 36:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you need a free day and a bed, that's all you need.

• 36:15Sam Morril?

  Maybe that's nothing, alright, well, yeah.

• 36:16Mark Normand?

  No, no, that's something.

• 36:18Sam Morril?

  I'm just trying to figure it out here, I got, that's what I mean, a lot of my new topics are like too blue, but, uh...

• 36:23Mark Normand?

  Bill Burr had that old line, like, why, how come a guy fucks a bunch of girls, he's a Casanova? If a girl fucks a bunch of...

• 36:28Sam Morril?

  Jim Jeffries.

• 36:29Mark Normand?

  Was it Jeffries?

• 36:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:30Mark Normand?

  And he's like, cause it's hard to get laid for a guy.

• 36:32Sam Morril?

  That's a better version of it. Well, his version, he had the line, I remember, like, "There are dwarf sluts, there are no dwarf studs." He goes, "Maybe in their own realm, but none who have crossed over." That's a great line. But yeah, so then maybe that last part's too much in his territory, so maybe I just dumped the last part.

• 36:49Mark Normand?

  No, no, I think that's, the free day is a good line.

• 36:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what do you got, what are you working on?

• 36:53Mark Normand?

  Uh, is this anything? I think the point is, is something, but it's not funny yet. The most progressive people are like, "America sucks, America's racist, it's corrupt," whatever. But they want immigrants to come in, they're like, "Come here, come to America." But the people who love America the most, you know, it's like, land of the free, free speech, pride, liberty, they're like, "Don't come here." So it's weird to be the one who loves the place, is like, "I don't wanna show it off, I don't want you coming over." But the people who hate the place are like, "Come on by."

• 37:24Sam Morril?

  You know what the angle is?

• 37:25Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 37:26Sam Morril?

  It's like when you're at a party that sucks versus a party that's awesome. When you're at a shitty party, you're like, "You gotta come over, dude."

• 37:33Mark Normand?

  Please, I need you.

• 37:34Sam Morril?

  I need company.

• 37:35Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 37:35Sam Morril?

  When you're at a, when you're at a good party, you're not looking at your phone.

• 37:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 37:40Sam Morril?

  You're not trying, you're not, you're not recruiting for the good party.

• 37:42Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 37:43Sam Morril?

  You want people to come to this shit party.

• 37:45Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 37:45Sam Morril?

  So you have someone to talk to.

• 37:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, misery loves company.

• 37:49Sam Morril?

  But yeah, maybe that's not enough, but that's like a angle.

• 37:51Mark Normand?

  That is an angle.

• 37:52Sam Morril?

  But it's interesting to be patriotic, and then also, but then the other angle is you're patriotic, cause you're like, "I don't want anyone else in here." Cause it's so fucking good.

• 37:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, right. It's almost like, I thought of a comparison to be, if you hate your wife, you're like, "Please, fuck her." "Please, come by, come over." But if you love your wife, you're like, "Get away from her."

• 38:09Sam Morril?

  I don't know if that's true, though.

• 38:11Mark Normand?

  I think some guys are like, "I'm sick of this chick." "Come over and bang my wife, I don't care." "Bang my wife, please."

• 38:17Sam Morril?

  Maybe instead of bang my wife, like, "Come over, like, let's, let's do a thing."

• 38:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, talk to her, yes. Double date, cause I'm dying here.

• 38:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 38:25Mark Normand?

  And then the guy who's like, "No, I love my wife, I wanna be alone with her."

• 38:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's interesting.

• 38:30Mark Normand?

  See, that's not the, not, it's hilarious.

• 38:32Sam Morril?

  You love the country and you want less people in.

• 38:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it needs that perfect analogy, perfect comparison.

• 38:37Sam Morril?

  The problem is, it does kind of track, that you wouldn't want.

• 38:40Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 38:41Sam Morril?

  Cause it's like...

• 38:42Mark Normand?

  Wouldn't you wanna show it off? Hey, come on by, we got the best place.

• 38:47Sam Morril?

  Not for, not for permanence.

• 38:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 38:50Sam Morril?

  That's the same problem with the premise, I think, is like, you, it's the same reason people get mad when like, too many people move into their neighborhood.

• 38:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:58Sam Morril?

  It's the same shit.

• 38:59Mark Normand?

  Right. They look at New York, or New, uh, America like it's that cool restaurant, like, "Don't tell anybody, we got a sweet thing going here."

• 39:06Sam Morril?

  You're gatekeeping.

• 39:08Mark Normand?

  You're gatekeeping. Yeah.

• 39:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I love this country, yeah, don't you want more?

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Oh, we, this isn't for your, your thing, but maybe. Uh, we hate when neighborhoods get gentrified, but those same people love it when immigrants come here.

• 39:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 39:23Sam Morril?

  Right, right.

• 39:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's, that's true.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  It's a gentrification.

• 39:28Mark Normand?

  Well, it's kind of like how they say, like, we, when a English guy comes over, it's colonizing. When a Muslim guy comes over, it's diversifying.

• 39:36Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 39:36Mark Normand?

  You know, and you're like, well, isn't that colonizing, colonizing as well? But it's, now you're getting in some controversial territory here, some scary waters.

• 39:47Sam Morril?

  I think there's something interesting about Patriot versus, like, I'm trying to think of the angle of Patriot versus, uh...

• 39:54Sam Morril?

  Maybe the angle, I hate America, but then you want, but then you want people to come by.

• 39:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I picture the kids with their parents, like, "I hate you, Mom, blah, blah." And, but you wouldn't want more people to ju- come to your family cookout if you hate your parents. You know, but if you love your parents, you'd, ah.

• 40:13Sam Morril?

  I think I, my issue with the, is the premise is I think it's a lot, it's logical that people think that way. I don't agree with it, but it's like, it tracks that they would feel that way.

• 40:21Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, I guess it just stood out as humorous to me that the people that hate it are-

• 40:25Sam Morril?

  There's gotta be something bigger than it. It's like, okay, well, it's kinda weird, yeah. I, like, I'm thinking of Norman's voice here, like, as in, yeah, you're searching for an analogy.

• 40:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. If you hate it, why would you want people to come? Cause you're saying it's so bad. "Oh, this place is corrupt, it's racist, it's, uh, you know, horribly run. Get over here, we want more of you."

• 40:49Mark Normand?

  If you think it's so bad, why would you want people to show up?

• 40:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, if you love it.

• 40:54Mark Normand?

  If you love it, you'd think you'd want people to show up.

• 40:56Sam Morril?

  Maybe the angle is for the wife. Maybe it's like, I'm fucking my, if I love my wife, I, nah.

• 41:01Mark Normand?

  I want it for myself.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  If you eat something that tastes bad, you want somebody else to taste it too?

• 41:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good. That's good, yeah. "Oh, this is horrible, try it." And you're like, "Why would I try it?" Like, "Cause I want you to see how horrible it is." But if it's good, you're like, "Don't, don't tou- touch my food."

• 41:18Sam Morril?

  The problem is you're trying to wrap up a big thing with like, one line.

• 41:22Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 41:23Sam Morril?

  The issue is, I don't know if there's one line. It's gotta be a bigger bit, I think.

• 41:26Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 41:28Sam Morril?

  Cause that's clever. I don't know if that wraps it up.

• 41:30Mark Normand?

  I don't know if it wraps it up either, but that's not a bad little button on it. Good call, Peters.

• 41:35Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 41:36Mark Normand?

  All right, what else you got?

• 41:39Mark Normand?

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• 42:24Mark Normand?

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• 42:37Mark Normand?

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• 43:22Mark Normand?

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• 44:05Mark Normand?

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• 44:48Mark Normand?

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• 45:05Mark Normand?

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• 45:29Sam Morril?

  Oh, here's an idea I thought, like, how, I, this is an idea, I don't know where to exactly go with this. It's like, the idea is comedians are so, we're never fully present because we're always trying to chase a joke. Which is not a good or ideal partner for a woman, you know? It's like, you want a man who, like, is gonna be there. Like, there've been times where during sex, I think of a good joke, and then I'm like, "I gotta come so I can write this down."

• 45:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:53Sam Morril?

  I don't wanna lose a joke, and I'm like, "That's not a good partner for you." You want a man who will, like, hold you after sex. You don't want a guy who's, you know, bare-ass jogging toward a notebook.

• 46:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:02Sam Morril?

  Giggling, trying to remember something. That's not like a good after-sex moment. So, I'm trying to think, there's like a bigger bit there about how, like, about just never being present.

• 46:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, has this been done? If you were running out of the room to write a song about her, that would be kinda nice. But the fact that it's a joke means you're literally making a mockery of whatever just happened in the bedroom.

• 46:22Sam Morril?

  You're right. Like, Paul McCartney is like, "You inspired this song." No woman wants to inspire a joke.

• 46:28Mark Normand?

  No, nobody.

• 46:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's funny.

• 46:30Sam Morril?

  I wrote this joke about you. What was it? "Yeah, it was about fucking you from behind." Not exactly, "I wanna hold your hand."

• 46:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there we go. I love the, the visual of her, her, on her arm, you know, hands and knees, or whatever, uh, all fours. And you're using her back to write the joke. You got your mole skin out on her back.

• 46:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah. When did that joke hit me? I was, uh, making love to a woman.

• 46:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:54Sam Morril?

  In the La Quinta Inn.

• 46:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cause otherwise it's "Your body is a wonderland." This is, uh, "Your pussy stinks."

• 47:00Sam Morril?

  It's also that funny thing.

• 47:01Mark Normand?

  That's a big difference.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  "I wanna hold your gland."

• 47:04Sam Morril?

  It's also funny, cause it's like, whenever a musician dies, they're like, "Oh, we found some, uh, recorded stuff." And you're like, "Oh, that's cool." You never find that shit from comedians. It's like, where they're like, "Oh, dude, we just, we just uncovered a diarrhea truck stop chunk from, uh, from Sam Morril."

• 47:20Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 47:21Sam Morril?

  Maybe there's something there. I don't know.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  I was looking at that Lenny Bruce book right there. On the cover is a picture of him dead of an overdose, and that's a fucking big swing.

• 47:29Mark Normand?

  Is that dead or passed out?

• 47:31Speaker 02

  That's dead.

• 47:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's dead.

• 47:32Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 47:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's dark.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  The first one's him and his kids.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  Right.

• 47:36Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 47:36Mark Normand?

  That is dark, Jesus. But yeah, I love, and there's all these great songs, like Melissa, Sarah Smile, Layla. And yours is, if, if a girl saw her name on your notebook, she's like, "Oh, no." You know, whereas like, you see Layla, you're like, "Oh, my God, I'm Layla, this is touching."

• 47:52Sam Morril?

  "You got me on my knees." My joke, I had you on your knees.

• 47:57Sam Morril?

  No, it's definitely, uh, it's definitely a thing where you're like, you try the joke, and if it hits, I'm like, "Hey, I gotta tell you something."

• 48:03Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 48:04Sam Morril?

  Because I'm not gonna run it by you before, cause it might bomb. What's the point of the fight? But I'm like, "Hey, I gotta do this, sorry, it's a good bit."

• 48:10Mark Normand?

  And I think a lot of these, these singer-songwriter guys sing the song at their wedding. Imagine doing your act at the wedding, you know?

• 48:17Sam Morril?

  I've tried it, it's not good.

• 48:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:20Sam Morril?

  How about this on the back of the Lenny Bruce book? "I'm not a comedian and I'm not sick. The world is sick and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values. I don't have an act, I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce." Don't know if I agree with any of that. Gotta, gotta have an act.

• 48:33Mark Normand?

  Pretty heavy-handed.

• 48:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's a bit self-righteous.

• 48:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, uh, what's his face? What's the guy's name? Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks has a whole thing, he's like, "The act is what you go to when you're out of stuff to talk about." I'm like, "Ah, I disagree with that. That's crazy." It's all about the act.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  Your thing does remind me of the, um, the Hedberg joke about, uh-

• 48:55Mark Normand?

  Running to get a pen.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  What is that joke?

• 48:56Mark Normand?

  If it's funny, I write it down. If the pen's too far away, I convince myself it wasn't funny.

• 49:01Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's a good one.

• 49:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Quick, quick, fun one.

• 49:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah. What do you got?

• 49:05Mark Normand?

  I'm working on this bit about Ozempic. How, all my fat friends are on Ozempic.

• 49:12Mark Normand?

  And, uh...

• 49:13Sam Morril?

  Are you guys both on it or not?

• 49:14Speaker 02

  I'm on it.

• 49:14Sam Morril?

  Are you?

• 49:15Mark Normand?

  Okay, one guy.

• 49:16Sam Morril?

  You did it the fuck- Quince. Getting dressed for the fall should be easy. A good sweater, pants that fit, a jacket that keeps you warm. Somehow, buying those three things can cost you more than your vacation. Quince makes high-quality staples using premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere. That's a good cashmere, I guess.

• 49:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:34Sam Morril?

  Organic cotton, merino wool. You know I love merino wool.

• 49:38Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 49:38Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 49:41Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 49:42Sam Morril?

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at 60 bucks. That's wild. They also have premium down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor.

• 50:05Mark Normand?

  No.

• 50:06Sam Morril?

  Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably ethical.

• 50:09Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 50:10Sam Morril?

  I, I wear this shit all the time.

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 50:12Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. I, it's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I, I love it. And I like what, like, when it's not the logo everywhere on it.

• 50:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 50:20Sam Morril?

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• 50:41Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 50:42Sam Morril?

  Fucking old-fashioned way.

• 50:43Mark Normand?

  You did it the real way? Whoa!

• 50:45Sam Morril?

  How does it feel to do it the real way when everyone around you is chea- you're like fucking Jeter in baseball in like 2000?

• 50:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 50:51Speaker 02

  And I'm Derek Jeter.

• 50:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I feel like it's IVF versus, uh, Jizz. But, so, Ozempic, everybody's on it. I'm like, fat people are gonna be, um, going away. They're gonna be like endangered. You're gonna see a fat guy in 20 years, gonna be like seeing a Native American, like, hang in there, brother, you know, stay strong. Yeah, you're, you're living off the reservations. He's like, yeah, dinner reservations. I'm trying to hang on.

• 51:13Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's fun.

• 51:14Mark Normand?

  And I, all that hits and I'm like, uh, it's weird that we, what do you think a thoroughbred country thinks of Ozempic? Like, they're dying for food. They're starving. They're skinny, skin and bones, and we're paying money to get there. Like, they're, they're, they don't, they don't have any food, and we're paying money to not be hungry. Something funny about that under the line.

• 51:35Sam Morril?

  They, they don't know where dinner's coming from, and we're just like, literally like, ah, I got too many dinner options.

• 51:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, DePaulo has a joke like that.

• 51:42Sam Morril?

  What's his?

• 51:42Mark Normand?

  And he's like, he saw a poster, he's like, some kid's like, I don't know where my next meal's coming from. He's like, neither do I. Popeyes, uh, Papa John's, uh, Domino's.

• 51:50Sam Morril?

  Well, it's like, yeah, but it's like, drugging yourself to not, to not eat is insane.

• 51:56Mark Normand?

  It's insane!

• 51:57Sam Morril?

  That's like insane privilege.

• 51:58Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly. And then I have an act out where the, the skinny guy's like, why don't you just not eat? And you're like, what are you kidding? We have, look what we have over here. You know, we got the Snickers ice cream bar. We got the McRib. We got all this shit. So it's, it's a lot harder for us to not eat.

• 52:11Sam Morril?

  It's addiction. It's like, but then you try to tell them it's addiction. It's like, these people are all going through withdrawal.

• 52:17Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:18Sam Morril?

  These fucking countries. Yeah, I mean, explaining it, maybe, I mean, it's just, I feel like those angles have been done, the explaining, the privilege thing, like, what's this? It's like, oh, that's-

• 52:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:27Sam Morril?

  Those have been done, but like, the angle of, uh, yeah, I take a shot to kill my appetite.

• 52:34Mark Normand?

  That, to me, is, is something there. Take, I, I'm paying $400 a month and shooting myself in the side with a needle to get where you're at.

• 52:42Sam Morril?

  I'm using my health insurance to do something unhealthy.

• 52:45Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 52:45Sam Morril?

  I'm using my health insurance to be unhealthy like you.

• 52:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That's how far we've come. I tried an angle of like, I can't get my wife pregnant. I'm like, I'm aborting people. That's how much, how much I can have a kid. But that, that's too dark. I think people are like, they hear abortion, they, they pulled back. But I like the analogy. Uh, and then I have this whole thing about, I watched him do the needle, and then we walked around Brooklyn and we saw a heroin addict. And I'm like, hey, it's like you. That gets a laugh. And he goes, dude, that's not like me. And I'm like, I know, he's skinny. And that kills. And I say, if I was a fat guy, I would just do heroin. It's cheaper, you get high, and I've never seen a fat heroin addict. And it's cool. No one's ever like, no rock stars, like, I wrote this song on Ozempic.

• 53:24Sam Morril?

  That's a great line.

• 53:25Mark Normand?

  That hits, but-

• 53:26Sam Morril?

  That's good, yeah. Yeah, Miles Davis wasn't, uh, that's fun.

• 53:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But I, something with the thoroughbred country thing.

• 53:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Axel wasn't like, Slash, if you keep doing Ozempic, you're out of Guns N' Roses, man.

• 53:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah, they're like, please do Ozempic. I had a whole thing about a homeless guy is like, uh, he sees a fat guy and he's like, oh, man, I need money for drugs. And the fat guy's like, so do I. You know, but that never hit either. I tried so many different, uh, iterations.

• 53:58Sam Morril?

  It's also like, there's so many negative side effects for Ozempic. Like, you lose your ass if you're a woman.

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 54:04Sam Morril?

  You lose your ass, you lose-

• 54:06Mark Normand?

  You lose bone density apparently.

• 54:07Sam Morril?

  I feel like your face gets really, yeah.

• 54:08Mark Normand?

  Face gets all jowl or, uh, emaciated looking. They have Ozempic face. It's, it's pretty real. So, yeah, it could be something.

• 54:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, wait, say the last part again.

• 54:21Mark Normand?

  Uh, the heroin part?

• 54:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 54:23Mark Normand?

  Uh, if I was fat, I would just do heroin. You get high, it's cheaper, and you, you're cool. Heroin addicts are cool, you know?

• 54:30Sam Morril?

  And you don't need health insurance to-

• 54:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, true. Holy shit, that's crazy.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  That's Kelly Osbourne.

• 54:37Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 54:38Sam Morril?

  Well, I love that, that, the quote is, "Stop kicking me while I'm down." And Salke's like, "Let's pull this picture up."

• 54:44Speaker 02

  Let me check her WikiFeet real quick. By the way, I'm catching a lot of hell for bringing up Caitlin's WikiFeet.

• 54:50Mark Normand?

  Ah, yes.

• 54:51Sam Morril?

  Are you?

• 54:51Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 54:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, why would you do that?

• 54:53Speaker 02

  Wait, why would I do it? Why would I catch hell? Or why did I do that? I've done that with a million guests we've had here. Men, I've done it for you!

• 54:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's different doing it to a guy.

• 55:01Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 55:02Sam Morril?

  You can't have that mustache and me pulling up women's feet.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  I treat everyone the same.

• 55:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got another one?

• 55:10Sam Morril?

  I feel like my, these are like not baked enough. Um, let's see what I got.

• 55:17Mark Normand?

  Equal opportunity. Pull up a man's feet, you pull up a woman's feet, goddammit. No one likes men's feet, that's the pro-

• 55:23Sam Morril?

  That's the problem.

• 55:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah. We don't have good feet. That's not our thing.

• 55:27Sam Morril?

  No woman's ever been into a man's feet.

• 55:29Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 55:30Sam Morril?

  It's a weird fetish.

• 55:31Mark Normand?

  It is.

• 55:31Sam Morril?

  We don't take care of our, and men who take care of their feet, it's weird.

• 55:34Mark Normand?

  That's weird. You ever see the guy in the pedicure window?

• 55:36Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  You're like, look at this dude, what's he doing?

• 55:38Speaker 02

  By the way, to her credit, I spoke to her downstairs and apologized after that show. I was like, hey, that was weird. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be weird.

• 55:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but you apologized and then offered to photograph her feet. It was a weird move, I thought.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  And she's, she did say, "No, keep it funny as funny."

• 55:54Mark Normand?

  Alright!

• 55:55Sam Morril?

  And then, and then you walked away and she was like, creep.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 55:59Sam Morril?

  No, I don't know. Um, what do I have? Um, I have a few, I have a couple I can't crack. So I had this one thing about like a divorced friend who, uh, you know, he always brings up, he like, she said, "We're gonna be together till death." You know, and I was like, right, but she did say that at the wedding. That's a high point. You know, like, I, I, you can't just go off the high points. I remember I, I was in a relationship once, and during sex, the woman said, "My pussy belongs to you." After the relationship fizzled, I let it go. Sure do I wish I, do I wish I got it in writing, of course, but you have to, you have to know when to lawyer up. But, uh, I think that's a fun part, and then I want to keep going. So he met-

• 56:41Mark Normand?

  That's funny.

• 56:41Sam Morril?

  He met this woman on a fetish app, and it's like, yeah, dude, you thought that was gonna be till death?

• 56:48Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 56:49Sam Morril?

  Like, you can't, like, I'm not saying, I'm not judging you for using these apps, but like, you think like, we both like bondage as a healthy foundation for a long-lasting marriage?

• 56:57Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 56:58Sam Morril?

  It's a good point, it's not funny.

• 56:59Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 57:00Sam Morril?

  So I think, I think that was the angle. It's like, problem is like, the, with these apps, it's like, know what's a hookup app and know what's a, you know?

• 57:09Mark Normand?

  A long-lasting relationship app.

• 57:10Sam Morril?

  But that's maybe just a good point and not a good joke.

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  No, no, hold on, hold on.

• 57:14Sam Morril?

  Hold on, hold on.

• 57:15Mark Normand?

  Ah. I like that my pussy belongs to you, cause what, what if you get a, a gynecology bill in a, in a year? And you're like, what the hell's this? Like, it belongs to you. You gotta pay for it.

• 57:25Sam Morril?

  Should not have signed on the dotted line.

• 57:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 57:29Mark Normand?

  Uh, but yeah, the bondage thing. I wonder if there's a-

• 57:32Sam Morril?

  I'm going broke. What happened? My ex-wife had ovarian cancer.

• 57:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Why are you paying for that? I own her pussy.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Took out the pussy in the divorce.

• 57:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:43Mark Normand?

  It's not bad.

• 57:44Sam Morril?

  It's not bad.

• 57:45Mark Normand?

  I would take that.

• 57:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 57:47Mark Normand?

  Problem is it's attached to her.

• 57:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 57:49Mark Normand?

  You know?

• 57:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Visitation.

• 57:51Mark Normand?

  Visitation rights. They're a conjugal visit.

• 57:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 57:55Mark Normand?

  There's no, um, glory hole for pussy. I guess the pussy is a glory hole at the end of the day.

• 58:01Sam Morril?

  Whoever came up with the glory hole, optimistic fella.

• 58:03Mark Normand?

  Very optimistic.

• 58:05Sam Morril?

  Cause that's like, you gotta have some trust for that one.

• 58:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, you don't know what's on the other end of that?

• 58:08Sam Morril?

  You don't.

• 58:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 58:10Sam Morril?

  The first person to do the glory hole is fucking brave.

• 58:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:13Sam Morril?

  Jamming your dick in some drywall and just hoping for the best?

• 58:16Mark Normand?

  I won't even answer a number I don't know. I don't want to put my dick through a wall.

• 58:22Mark Normand?

  Depends on where the wall is, too.

• 58:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 58:24Mark Normand?

  If the wall is at Chuck E. Cheese, maybe don't put your dick through. But if it's at, uh, the women's locker room. The Great Wall, that's a little thick.

• 58:30Sam Morril?

  That's a hole.

• 58:34Sam Morril?

  You got a big dick if you can make it through that one.

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Chinese dicks.

• 58:42Mark Normand?

  What'd you say?

• 58:42Speaker 02

  Chinese dicks.

• 58:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Hung Dynasty, okay.

• 58:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what, you got another?

• 58:47Mark Normand?

  Is this stupid? Just tell me this is stupid, I'll throw it out the window and slit my own wrist. And get on WikiFeet. So, uh,

• 58:56Mark Normand?

  I did a big romantic dinner with the wife, took her to a, a carriage ride through the park, candlelit dinner, laid on a blanket in the park, looked at the stars. And then I realized, why is this romantic? This is just shit people did 200 years ago. You know, I'm like, wha- what's romantic about being Amish for three hours? You know, we're just doing shit that's poor people do in the 1800s. And I'm like, it's only romantic if you do it a little bit. If that was our lifestyle, we'd be, we'd be poor. It's like camping. Camping's fun for three days, but if you don't, if you live like that, you're a homeless person.

• 59:30Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 59:30Mark Normand?

  You know? So none of that hits, but that's a point.

• 59:33Sam Morril?

  But I think it's also like, privilege is having no privilege for like, three days.

• 59:38Mark Normand?

  Uh, isn't that weird, though? That having no privilege is like, whoa, that's how good we got it, maybe?

• 59:44Sam Morril?

  Well, like, there's people who can't afford phones, but then, like, we're like, keep me away from my phone. It kind of goes with your Ozempic thing.

• 59:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:50Sam Morril?

  Like, we had, like, I have to put my phone in the other.

• 59:52Mark Normand?

  True.

• 59:53Sam Morril?

  When you see someone with like, a flip phone, you're like, that's privilege.

• 59:57Mark Normand?

  Ah, right, right, right.

• 59:59Sam Morril?

  It's like, less technology is privilege.

• 1:00:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:00:04Sam Morril?

  So, maybe, maybe the angle is like, um...

• 1:00:06Mark Normand?

  Rich people live in the woods for a week, just to like, get away. You know, it's a retreat, they call it. Where other people live in the woods because they're a fugitive, or, you know.

• 1:00:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, someone lives in like, a penthouse, and like, where are you going for the weekend? My cabin.

• 1:00:17Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  It's gotta be a string of things like that.

• 1:00:20Mark Normand?

  Yes. Uh, I haven't eaten in two days. You, what are you, you, you, you broke, you can't afford food? I'm fasting.

• 1:00:27Sam Morril?

  Fasting is good, that's another good one.

• 1:00:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:30Sam Morril?

  Trying to think of other things.

• 1:00:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what's a thing where you don't have to? We do it to show how good we got it, but they're actually things people didn't do, or did because they were poor.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  You're treading on rich man, poor man territory.

• 1:00:48Sam Morril?

  Nah, I think, I think it's different enough.

• 1:00:50Mark Normand?

  His are like, you gotta, you gotta, you work in a trailer.

• 1:00:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:54Mark Normand?

  Movie trailers. Outdoor shower, yeah, it's a little different.

• 1:00:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:58Mark Normand?

  This is more privilege, I think. Uh, but then I say, do you think what we're doing now will be considered romantic in 200 years? You know, you got a lady on the moon talking to her robot best friend, like, hey, I had a hot date last night, what'd you do? Well, we, we, uh, drank White Claws and vaped, we played pickleball, did a TikTok dance, and I just name shit, annoying shit we do now.

• 1:01:20Sam Morril?

  It's something, yeah, Ryan Hamilton has a somewhat similar bit. About a carriage ride, where he goes, you'd think in a, in a, in a hundred years, we'll be like, oh, let's get in this Ford Focus.

• 1:01:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the same bit.

• 1:01:30Sam Morril?

  Same, yeah, so that part you'd have to cop. But the other part, I think, could still be something if you go another way with it.

• 1:01:34Mark Normand?

  All right, good to know. All right, glad you told me that.

• 1:01:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think, I think it's gotta be like, a lot of examples. It's gotta be like, a Norman, like, yeah, like, the fasting was something, the other thing, being off the grid.

• 1:01:48Sam Morril?

  Trying to think of like...

• 1:01:48Mark Normand?

  Flip phone is close.

• 1:01:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, flip phone is something.

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  Maybe having a horse. Like, having a horse is kind of...

• 1:01:57Sam Morril?

  A record player?

• 1:01:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, an old camera.

• 1:02:00Sam Morril?

  A horse or something, yeah, you're right, horse.

• 1:02:01Mark Normand?

  Because you live on a ranch, you're gonna afford to have a horse. Back in the day, a horse was just like, how you got around.

• 1:02:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:08Mark Normand?

  All right, all right, this helps.

• 1:02:09Sam Morril?

  There's something there, yeah.

• 1:02:11Mark Normand?

  Hamilton, Ford Focus, that's good. That's good.

• 1:02:15Sam Morril?

  Look at that pic, that's a great one, dude.

• 1:02:17Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:02:19Mark Normand?

  My kid would, as he was...

• 1:02:20Sam Morril?

  This slushy's gonna be a hit, buddy. This is the drink of the summer right here, a cherry, a cherry Pepsi and a bodega cat.

• 1:02:26Mark Normand?

  Ninja, I bought a Ninja 10 years ago, it was for making smoothies. Now they're like, fuck it, we're going all in on, uh, frozen drinks.

• 1:02:33Sam Morril?

  They got the ice cream maker now.

• 1:02:34Mark Normand?

  They do?

• 1:02:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, what a country!

• 1:02:36Sam Morril?

  Let's not get carried away here, we're doing an ad for Ninja right now.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  What is that big box, speaking of? What is that giant box?

• 1:02:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, baby.

• 1:02:42Sam Morril?

  Well, Chefs in Buffalo sent us this nice package.

• 1:02:46Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:02:46Sam Morril?

  Because I guess we talk about them all the time, how good Chefs is.

• 1:02:49Mark Normand?

  Love Chefs.

• 1:02:50Sam Morril?

  This is, I love that it says, total protein, 39 grams. Is anyone eating a chicken parm for their, after their pump? I don't, I mean, it's delicious. Look at that block of cheese. I will say, Chefs is fucking amazing.

• 1:03:02Mark Normand?

  Love Chefs.

• 1:03:03Sam Morril?

  I'm taking some of this home, baby.

• 1:03:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, look at that marinara!

• 1:03:06Sam Morril?

  Look at that pasta sauce. So if you live in Buffalo, you already know, but my two favorite spots in Buffalo are Chefs and Mothers, two fucking amazing restaurants. Buffalo, underrated city.

• 1:03:16Mark Normand?

  Great town, great people, great club.

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  With all this stuff.

• 1:03:21Mark Normand?

  Buffalo is the anti Syracuse.

• 1:03:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:24Mark Normand?

  Both upstate, but Buffalo's so much more pleasant.

• 1:03:27Sam Morril?

  It is more pleasant.

• 1:03:28Mark Normand?

  Way more pleasant, uh, way better crowds. Yeah, the Sabres, the Bills.

• 1:03:33Sam Morril?

  They got college ball in Syracuse, but it's not the same.

• 1:03:36Mark Normand?

  Not the same, the orange.

• 1:03:39Sam Morril?

  I just love cities that like, have struggling sports teams, that just, you can't help but have character.

• 1:03:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:45Sam Morril?

  You still believe.

• 1:03:46Mark Normand?

  I love that. Although we have the Pelicans, and no one is like, rallying behind them.

• 1:03:52Sam Morril?

  It's a Saints town.

• 1:03:53Mark Normand?

  It's a Saints town all the way.

• 1:03:54Sam Morril?

  And you know what's annoying about the Pelicans is like, every one of their players is like, untradable. They're like, we need four firsts, uh, for this player, we're not trading him. And it's like, you, you had 20 wins last year.

• 1:04:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Sam Morril?

  Not every player can be untouchable on a fucking lottery team.

• 1:04:09Mark Normand?

  Right, and it's been said before, but you can't buy a team, you gotta fuck with the team name if you're gonna put the Jazz in Utah. It just doesn't work, you can't have Utah Jazz.

• 1:04:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:22Mark Normand?

  It's such a, uh, contradiction.

• 1:04:24Sam Morril?

  New Orleans Pelicans, too, it's like, not a scary animal.

• 1:04:27Mark Normand?

  Well, for sure.

• 1:04:29Sam Morril?

  Minnesota's the Wolves.

• 1:04:30Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:04:31Sam Morril?

  Orlando's kind of weak, too, the Magic, ooh. But, uh, but yeah, the, uh, New Orleans, uh...

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  We were the Ju-, we were the Jazz, they were the Hornets for a minute, which also is kind of a southern thing, and a scary thing.

• 1:04:43Sam Morril?

  But they took that from Charlotte, I didn't like any of that either, but, uh, but New Orleans, yeah, it's just not...

• 1:04:48Mark Normand?

  But imagine the Denver Heat. It, it doesn't work, you know, it's a cold town.

• 1:04:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:53Mark Normand?

  You know?

• 1:04:54Sam Morril?

  Makes no sense.

• 1:04:55Mark Normand?

  Doesn't make sense. What's, uh, Utah, what's Phoenix?

• 1:04:58Sam Morril?

  The Suns.

• 1:04:59Mark Normand?

  Perfect, perfect.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  You know the Lakers, Mark? The LA Lakers?

• 1:05:04Mark Normand?

  That was Minnesota.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 1:05:05Mark Normand?

  The Lakes.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:06Mark Normand?

  What about the Clippers?

• 1:05:08Speaker 02

  I know this one too, but, go ahead.

• 1:05:10Mark Normand?

  I don't know.

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  Oh, it's a Clipper ship.

• 1:05:12Sam Morril?

  That's why they called Joe DiMaggio the Yankee Clipper.

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  He's from San Francisco?

• 1:05:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but the way he moved through the outfield.

• 1:05:18Mark Normand?

  Ooh, yeah.

• 1:05:19Sam Morril?

  The Yankee Clipper.

• 1:05:21Mark Normand?

  Now, there's gotta be a barber shop in LA called The Clippers.

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  Oh, has to be.

• 1:05:25Mark Normand?

  There's gotta be.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:05:26Mark Normand?

  Come on. But what does a Clipper have to do with LA?

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  I think they're boats and it's a water city?

• 1:05:33Mark Normand?

  Eh, you're, you're stretching here.

• 1:05:35Sam Morril?

  Well, there's definitely lakes, LA Lakers. I'm kidding.

• 1:05:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:37Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 1:05:40Mark Normand?

  All right, thank you, Chefs. That's a nice box, Sam's own, Sam owns this box.

• 1:05:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, there is?

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  I'm looking for it.

• 1:05:48Mark Normand?

  Okay. Oh, that's in Staten Island.

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  Clippers.

• 1:05:51Sam Morril?

  I gotta pee, by the way, can I hit you with a pee?

• 1:05:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:54Sam Morril?

  The person who's inconsiderate with the snooze.

• 1:05:58Mark Normand?

  Uh, snooze button on a, on a clock, yeah.

• 1:06:00Sam Morril?

  Oh my god, when you're in a bed with another person and they kept, they kept hitting the snooze?

• 1:06:05Mark Normand?

  Geez, Veeder's in trouble. Bet you guys both nightcaps.

• 1:06:09Sam Morril?

  I'm like, you know, it's, it makes me crazy, dude.

• 1:06:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's bad, I had a guy in college with that.

• 1:06:14Sam Morril?

  We have one perk as a, as a comic, you don't get health insurance.

• 1:06:17Mark Normand?

  Nope.

• 1:06:17Sam Morril?

  You don't get any real life perks. We, sleep is our one benefit from this job.

• 1:06:22Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 1:06:23Sam Morril?

  We get to sleep in.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:06:24Sam Morril?

  You're taking it away.

• 1:06:26Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:06:26Sam Morril?

  And then she's like, fidgeting, she's like, she's like, I left something in, in the bed, I'm like, what, your common decency?

• 1:06:35Mark Normand?

  Also, don't wake me up. My wife does this one, she goes, are you up? I'm like, what are you, crazy?

• 1:06:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, now I am.

• 1:06:41Mark Normand?

  You're waking me up, you kooz, I'm trying to snooze.

• 1:06:44Sam Morril?

  Are you up is, you say it, you don't touch while you do it.

• 1:06:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she's like, you up? I'm like, now I am. By the way, I went from you up to you up.

• 1:06:54Sam Morril?

  Watch the kid.

• 1:06:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, that's what it means, like, I need your help, like, I'm doing the kid alone here.

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  You up makes the kid.

• 1:07:00Mark Normand?

  You up makes the kid.

• 1:07:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you up used to lead to sex, now it leads to chores.

• 1:07:04Mark Normand?

  Yes, for, from the kid.

• 1:07:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, that could be something. Write that down.

• 1:07:08Sam Morril?

  Write it down.

• 1:07:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you up is brewed, my wife does that all the time. And I just, sometimes I just lay, I just like, uh, go possum. I fake it all the time, that's my faking it.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  I do like the snooze, though.

• 1:07:23Mark Normand?

  Snooze is a real problem.

• 1:07:24Sam Morril?

  If you're alone.

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  Alone, I love the snooze.

• 1:07:25Sam Morril?

  Alone, it's great, yeah.

• 1:07:26Mark Normand?

  But what is the point?

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  You can control your dreams a little bit.

• 1:07:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, get out of here with that, what are you, Vanilla Sky?

• 1:07:32Sam Morril?

  I was gonna say the same thing! Control your dreams.

• 1:07:36Mark Normand?

  Dreams a little bit, get the hell out of, uh...

• 1:07:38Sam Morril?

  Sal Akers is banging Heidi Klum, he's like, all right, 10 more minutes.

• 1:07:42Mark Normand?

  Just sleep till 8 instead of 7:30, because you're hitting the snooze.

• 1:07:46Sam Morril?

  You're not controlling any dreams. Yeah, but here's where the snooze comes in. You, you, you want to be a go-getter, so you set it for 7:30, and then you wake up like, what the fuck, who am I? I'm not a go-getter.

• 1:07:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:56Sam Morril?

  So you set it for another 30, that's what it is.

• 1:07:58Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 1:07:59Sam Morril?

  We're all idealists when we go to bed, we're all like, we're gonna take on the world tomorrow, but, but you know you're not.

• 1:08:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's like that Gary Goldman joke, he's like, I set my phone for 7, I'm gonna do the crossword puzzle, I'm gonna work out, and I'm gonna make a smoothie, and then, eh, eh, he's like, what am I, a farmer?

• 1:08:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:16Sam Morril?

  I remember opening for Gary Goldman back in the day, and he was like, breakfast tomorrow, 9 a.m. And I was like, a young drunk comic, and I was like, huh! I was like, counting my whiskeys that night, I was like, I can't be too hungover, he wants to eat breakfast at 9 a.m., but, uh, it was, it's a lesson, it's like, oh, this is a job.

• 1:08:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, you did it.

• 1:08:32Sam Morril?

  I did it.

• 1:08:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:08:34Sam Morril?

  I did it, but, uh...

• 1:08:35Mark Normand?

  Good for him, good for you.

• 1:08:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I remember he was watching me drink, he's like, how do you do that? And I was like, I don't know.

• 1:08:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I've had people do that, too. Feels kind of good, you're like, I can handle it. You're a puss. Sam's owns this puss.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  I think there's something there, Sam, you're an idealist.

• 1:08:50Sam Morril?

  He's at our funeral, he's like, I always ask them how they did that.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  Uh, I think that's, there's something there with, you're an idealist when you said it, and you're a realist.

• 1:08:58Sam Morril?

  I'm sure that's been done, though.

• 1:08:59Speaker 02

  That's been done?

• 1:08:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think, I don't think that's like a...

• 1:09:01Mark Normand?

  Sign for that a bit about that. He's like, this night guy and this morning guy, and he's like, I hate night guy. Night guy's like, I'll be fine, another movie, another ice cream sundae, and then morning guy's like, what are you doing to me? You fucking be night guy?

• 1:09:12Sam Morril?

  It's different, but it's a better version of whatever that is, it's like, that's just, it's been done better.

• 1:09:17Mark Normand?

  I gotta pee, this is comedy specific, maybe, but you're in the showroom, and you got a comic person, a friend, an associate, whatever.

• 1:09:25Sam Morril?

  Another open mic'er's about to get destroyed here.

• 1:09:28Mark Normand?

  That kid was a nice kid, I don't want him to, I don't want him to jump off the fucking bridge, but...

• 1:09:34Mark Normand?

  You got the comic in the showroom, you're both watching, oh man, this guy's really funny. Ha, ha, ha, yeah, look at that, oh, that's a great joke. But he won't stop talking in the showroom. So now, I'm an accomplice, cuz the guy, the comic's on stage like, hey, can you guys shut up back there? Who is that? What's going on? And I'm like, ah, what are you do- we're comedians, and you're breaking the cardinal rule of, you're a heckler now, basically, you're talking during the show. Like, hit me in the lobby, hit me in the green room.

• 1:10:00Sam Morril?

  The loud talker's a tough one, in the showroom.

• 1:10:02Mark Normand?

  And he's a comedian, so I'm like, you should know this is crazy, and now you're including me, so I'm a part of the crime now.

• 1:10:08Sam Morril?

  I've done, like, we gotta keep it down, it's usually a drunk guy.

• 1:10:11Mark Normand?

  That's usually, that's what it was.

• 1:10:12Sam Morril?

  It's usually a shitfaced guy, who's just like, talking way too loud, I'm like, hey, we should, we should keep it down a little, and by we, I mean you.

• 1:10:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:10:18Sam Morril?

  Mister Ninth Tequila.

• 1:10:20Mark Normand?

  I know, I had the guy, I was at a New York Comic Club, sold out, I'm in the back by the door, and this guy's like, oh, man, that's a great joke, I helped them write that, that was my tag, and I'm like, shut the fuck up, we look like assholes.

• 1:10:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:33Mark Normand?

  You're including me in the crime.

• 1:10:34Sam Morril?

  Loud talkers in quiet rooms are tough.

• 1:10:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:38Sam Morril?

  Even in a movie, you ever watch a movie with someone and they just keep talking?

• 1:10:41Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:10:42Sam Morril?

  It's like, even when it's just two of us, I'm like, what are you doing? Like, I'm all for the commentary during the low scenes without dialogue, but you can't talk over important dialogue.

• 1:10:50Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:10:50Sam Morril?

  That was pertinent to the plot, right there.

• 1:10:52Mark Normand?

  How about the people get mad when you pause it?

• 1:10:54Sam Morril?

  I go, I do, I go further, I go back.

• 1:10:56Mark Normand?

  I go back, too.

• 1:10:57Sam Morril?

  I wanna, I wanna see what happens.

• 1:10:59Mark Normand?

  I need every line.

• 1:11:00Sam Morril?

  That was one of my old bits, it's, you know.

• 1:11:02Mark Normand?

  Annie Hall?

• 1:11:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she's talking to me the whole, she keeps telling me about her day, and I pause it, she's like, what? She's like, you're ignoring me for Annie Hall, and I go, was your story nominated for seven Academy Awards? It's a hard one to get away with these days, with, cuz now they're like, why Woody Allen?

• 1:11:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, you could tweak it, you could tweak it to, you know.

• 1:11:20Sam Morril?

  I'm not telling it anymore, except here, but yeah, no, it's, I love when, and also, talking is for bad movies.

• 1:11:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:11:27Sam Morril?

  Like, you wanna watch a Steven Seagal movie, let's talk through it, make jokes the whole time.

• 1:11:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:31Sam Morril?

  If we're watching like, a really good, especially doing foreign films, I'm like, oh my god, it's hard enough to pay attention here.

• 1:11:36Mark Normand?

  I know, I need the dialogue. I went to see The Matrix, this is how long ago this is, and my friend's like, I've seen it, you gotta see it, you know that guy? He's like, I'm going with you to see it.

• 1:11:45Sam Morril?

  They watch your, they study your every reaction?

• 1:11:47Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes!

• 1:11:47Sam Morril?

  He's staring at you?

• 1:11:48Mark Normand?

  I hate that, I hate people watching me react.

• 1:11:51Sam Morril?

  Neo, you're the one.

• 1:11:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, or the guy was like, let me show you my hot rod I built with my dad, and you're like, oh, okay, great, and he shows it to you, and you're like, hey, how about that? And he's like, that's it? And you're like, wow, I'm on the spot here, let me enjoy the hot rod, I gotta, who's this for, me or you?

• 1:12:08Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, the girl I'm seeing now, her ex is gay, so she'll like, tell me stuff, and my enthusiasm is just not enough.

• 1:12:16Mark Normand?

  Never.

• 1:12:17Sam Morril?

  When you were with a gay guy before, she's like, I made this dress, I'm like, oh, cool, and she's like, that's it? I'm like, yeah. That's all I have to give on a dress you made, I'm a, I'm a straight guy.

• 1:12:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:12:27Sam Morril?

  Break some free ca- break some free agency Knicks news, and then I'll fucking lose my mind if you wanna see a big reaction.

• 1:12:33Mark Normand?

  Also, that could be, it could be a test to see if you're gay, let me show you this dress, I love it! And you're like, alright, you're like my ex, this is over, yeah.

• 1:12:43Sam Morril?

  He called it fabulous, it was weird, I don't know.

• 1:12:46Mark Normand?

  It's fierce, how about the guy who, he shows you something, he wants your reaction, so you fake a big reaction, then he yells at you for faking it. I'm like, which one is it? If I go, ah, that's cool, you go, that's it, but if I go, whoa, how about that? He's like, ah, you didn't mean it, I'm like, I can't win here. It's a lot, it's a lot of work.

• 1:13:05Sam Morril?

  There's no winning in life.

• 1:13:06Mark Normand?

  Can't win.

• 1:13:07Sam Morril?

  There's no winning.

• 1:13:08Mark Normand?

  Can't be genuine, can't be fake.

• 1:13:10Speaker 02

  No one makes it out alive.

• 1:13:11Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 1:13:12Sam Morril?

  I got a good rec for you, and I text both you guys about it, cuz I haven't seen it since I was a kid, and I was definitely too young the first time I saw it. Documentary, Hoop Dreams from the 90s.

• 1:13:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, classic.

• 1:13:21Sam Morril?

  It's a 10 out of 10 movie, it's like, as good a doc as ever has been made.

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:26Sam Morril?

  Even, you don't have to like basketball, like, I know people who love this who didn't, who'd never liked basketball, it's, it's like, three hours.

• 1:13:32Mark Normand?

  Is this Chicago?

• 1:13:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:13:34Mark Normand?

  Yes, they could, they send a kid to the white school?

• 1:13:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:37Mark Normand?

  And he's like, there's a lot of white people.

• 1:13:38Sam Morril?

  Isaiah Thomas went there, he was a Chicago guy, but dude, it's, it's so intimate, like, the way they show the families, and the dad is struggling with the drug addiction, and it's just like, an incredible movie.

• 1:13:51Mark Normand?

  Great movie, this is what a doc is, is supposed to be, this is like, top tier, well, who, who made it?

• 1:13:56Sam Morril?

  I forgot, it was three guys.

• 1:13:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:13:59Speaker 02

  It's the first time I've ever seen a doc that like, takes six years to make.

• 1:14:04Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:14:05Sam Morril?

  So you see them from like, eighth grade to college.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 1:14:08Sam Morril?

  Eighth grade to college.

• 1:14:09Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:14:09Mark Normand?

  And did they make it?

• 1:14:11Sam Morril?

  They didn't make the NBA, but they, you know, they had college careers, and, uh,

• 1:14:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:16Sam Morril?

  It was, it's, it's a lot, a lot of stuff, a lot of emotions, the families are, it's complicated home lives, but then they're also like, very loving parents, but then also, you know, one of the guys gets a scholarship revoked cuz he was smaller and didn't really pan out, and then it turns out he's really good.

• 1:14:32Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:14:33Sam Morril?

  So it's just, it's crazy, it's a really, really good movie, not just about basketball, it's a great, great doc.

• 1:14:39Mark Normand?

  The 90s really embraced basketball, it was such a, remember like, Above the Rim?

• 1:14:45Sam Morril?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:14:46Mark Normand?

  And Space Jam, and even, every little thing was basketball, back then, Michael Jordan, I guess, was.

• 1:14:51Sam Morril?

  Jordan just blew through the roof, man.

• 1:14:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  Oh, the director, I'm sorry, the director also made an Allen Iverson 30 for 30.

• 1:14:58Sam Morril?

  Oh shit, I heard that's a great one, I haven't seen it. Yeah, I mean, you can't go wrong with Iverson, man.

• 1:15:02Mark Normand?

  No, no, AI, the original.

• 1:15:06Mark Normand?

  Hoop Dream, I mean, I gotta, I gotta wreck off your wreck.

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  Hit me.

• 1:15:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, which one was it? I hit Salikus, I'm with the wife, we're bored, we already banged, she can't drink, whatever, she's going through some stuff, so, we need a show, we need a show. So, I'm like, ah, I don't know any shows, we finished the Apple show, what is it called, the one on the island?

• 1:15:26Speaker 02

  Widows Bay?

• 1:15:27Mark Normand?

  Widows Bay, we finished that.

• 1:15:28Sam Morril?

  I'm starting that this week.

• 1:15:29Mark Normand?

  And then, and so I hit.

• 1:15:30Sam Morril?

  It's good, right?

• 1:15:31Mark Normand?

  It's good, it's good, it's cute, we hit up Salikus, and I go, well, you got any shows? And he goes, I got one for you, Beef Two.

• 1:15:40Mark Normand?

  The second season of Beef, and I was like, I didn't really love the first season, I like Ali Wong, whatever, but I didn't love the first season, and he goes, this is totally different, it's got a White Lotus vibe, it's better than White Lotus.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  Whoa, really?

• 1:15:52Mark Normand?

  I think this is so well-written, the acting, the British woman is unbelievable, Oscar Isaac kills it.

• 1:15:56Sam Morril?

  Oh, he's good.

• 1:15:57Mark Normand?

  It's so well-done, and there's, it's one of those shows that makes you anxious when you're watching it, and you're, you hate everybody, but you root for them, but you hate them, but they're bad people, really well-done. Beef Two, second season.

• 1:16:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:13Mark Normand?

  Check that out, it's right there on Netflix, you don't have to go searching for it.

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I wasn't a big fan of season one, I watched the whole thing, but this is almost like a whole separate series.

• 1:16:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, completely.

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:23Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:16:24Mark Normand?

  It's just, they, these people are bad, people are all out for themselves, and they keep getting further and further into the shit, and they have to keep getting out of it, it's, it's one of those, it's really well-done.

• 1:16:34Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:16:34Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 1:16:35Sam Morril?

  Alright, I'll give it, I'm gonna do Widows Bay first, but, uh,

• 1:16:38Mark Normand?

  Are you doing World Cup, are you watching anything?

• 1:16:40Sam Morril?

  I mean, that, there's gonna be data by the time it comes out, but yeah, I mean, that fucking Viking from Norway, how cool is that guy?

• 1:16:47Mark Normand?

  Holland days.

• 1:16:48Sam Morril?

  Love that guy.

• 1:16:49Mark Normand?

  He's great, I wanna deep dive with that guy, he's been doing this since he was 16, like, making those goals, and he's 6'5", and, uh,

• 1:16:55Sam Morril?

  You know, he also probably would've been great at any sport, he's just one of those, he's like, big and strong and fast, and you see these videos of him, like, you can push your body to another level, you just realize, like, there's a, and it's like, no, you can push your body to another level.

• 1:17:09Mark Normand?

  He is a Viking, well, that's what you want out of Norway, you want this guy, and they, they got him, and he's got some real DSLs on him, too, by the way.

• 1:17:16Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:16Mark Normand?

  He's a, have you seen all the news with the Brazilian player? His girlfriend looks like this guy.

• 1:17:23Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:17:23Mark Normand?

  So everybody's AI-ing these two fucking, and it went so viral that he hit up the Brazilian guy, who's, he's like a young black guy, and he's like, we gotta do something together, cuz this is like, blowing up.

• 1:17:36Sam Morril?

  Fuck your girlfriend.

• 1:17:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so now they're, they're hanging out.

• 1:17:41Sam Morril?

  Damn, dude.

• 1:17:41Mark Normand?

  But really cool, he's been going to Texas, there's all these videos of him in Texas, putting on the cowboy hat.

• 1:17:46Sam Morril?

  In Katz's Deli?

• 1:17:47Mark Normand?

  He Katz's Deli, you know?

• 1:17:49Sam Morril?

  That's a great photo op for them.

• 1:17:52Mark Normand?

  Everything's like, 5 million views, 6 million views, the guy's, uh, people love him.

• 1:17:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's box office, also, I'm watching this tennis man, the tennis has been great, the Wimbledon, men and women.

• 1:18:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, I didn't even, shit, I didn't know about this.

• 1:18:03Sam Morril?

  So fun, man, great, great matches.

• 1:18:05Mark Normand?

  Love tennis. What a, what a one in New York.

• 1:18:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Djokovic had a fucking amazing match the other day.

• 1:18:10Mark Normand?

  He's the man.

• 1:18:11Sam Morril?

  He's, he's hanging on, dude, hanging on.

• 1:18:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:14Sam Morril?

  He's, it's so badass, that's a cool thing about these athletes, they get older, and it's like, at a certain time, father time's gonna take over, but the ones that kinda hang on.

• 1:18:22Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:18:22Sam Morril?

  He is the GOAT.

• 1:18:23Mark Normand?

  He really is, cool dude, it's all mental.

• 1:18:27Sam Morril?

  But yeah, soccer's fun, man, I'm enjoying it.

• 1:18:29Mark Normand?

  We had lunch at the Cellar yesterday, in that Argentina game.

• 1:18:32Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 1:18:33Mark Normand?

  Shit, Messi is really, really a magical man.

• 1:18:35Sam Morril?

  That guy was looking like Jalen Brunson out there.

• 1:18:37Mark Normand?

  I know!

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  I'm glad we finally tied it to the Knicks somehow.

• 1:18:41Sam Morril?

  No, he's unreal.

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  You know what I've been enjoying about this World Cup thing, is all the people from Europe and Africa and South America coming to the United States.

• 1:18:55Mark Normand?

  Loving it.

• 1:18:56Speaker 02

  And loving it, being like, I heard this was a hellhole, I heard that, you know, the streets are dangerous, and they're like, people are giving me free rides, I'm getting beer.

• 1:19:03Sam Morril?

  People, people from Haiti are like, we heard it was unsafe here.

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  Right?

• 1:19:07Mark Normand?

  Free ride, they, they get in a restaurant, there's air conditioning going, and they get ice in a water glass, that blows their mind, they're all addicted to ranch, they're going to Buc-E's and Costco. They love it.

• 1:19:17Sam Morril?

  Love a good Buc-E's, dude.

• 1:19:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, fuck the Louvre, we got Buc-E's.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, it's, uh, it's cool, it's hilarious that Trump tried to, he talked to FIFA.

• 1:19:27Mark Normand?

  He did fix it, he fixed it, though.

• 1:19:29Sam Morril?

  He fixed it, but he's bad luck!

• 1:19:31Mark Normand?

  We lost!

• 1:19:32Sam Morril?

  The one Knicks game they lost in like, 13 games was the one he went to.

• 1:19:35Speaker 02

  When I say fixed it, I mean rigged it, he rigged it, he actually rigged it.

• 1:19:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he didn't, he rigged it and we lost, and then he didn't say anything.

• 1:19:41Mark Normand?

  Right? I know.

• 1:19:44Sam Morril?

  I love that he's like, yeah, I've been looking into it, apparently a red card means you have to sit the next game, or like, you didn't know that?

• 1:19:50Speaker 02

  He said, he said, we'll have better luck next year.

• 1:19:53Mark Normand?

  He's also gotten rid of some green cards. Okay.

• 1:19:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, the whole thing sucks, so we still, we still blew it. And-

• 1:20:03Sam Morril?

  Well, not, all our good athletes are playing different sports.

• 1:20:06Mark Normand?

  It's not our sport. I always, if we're gonna adopt a foreign sport, it should've been sumo. We got the fatties, we can do it. Uh, and we're, we're just not, it's not a soccer culture.

• 1:20:16Sam Morril?

  We got enough people, if, if we, if Leb, if we had like a LeBron, playing, you know?

• 1:20:21Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're the WNBA of soccer, sadly. It's just not for us, I'm sorry, it's low-scoring.

• 1:20:29Sam Morril?

  Although we are, no, in, in women's basketball, we fucking own it, dude.

• 1:20:33Mark Normand?

  That's true, well, what are we, New York?

• 1:20:35Sam Morril?

  No, no, no, well, I mean, just the US team.

• 1:20:37Mark Normand?

  The US, yeah, yeah, we got the Fever.

• 1:20:39Speaker 02

  Also, women's, women won, the US women won the last three World Cups or something.

• 1:20:43Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 1:20:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:45Speaker 02

  We do something well.

• 1:20:47Sam Morril?

  Because they, because there's no money in any women's sports, except for like tennis and golf. So they're like, we'll just play soccer because we love it.

• 1:20:54Mark Normand?

  You gotta love it.

• 1:20:55Sam Morril?

  And turns out that leads to winning.

• 1:20:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:58Sam Morril?

  All right, I got, uh, Brea Improv coming up, August 21st through 23rd. Then we got, uh, Europe, we got Lisbon, Athens, Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw. Added a second night there, we got Helsinki, Sweden, uh, Copenhagen. And then I added a couple of club dates, I'm gonna add more, stay tuned for more dates, just go to punchup.live/shamarel/tour. And yeah, I got Nashville for a couple nights for Zany's, and then I got American Comedy Co. in San Diego the last two weeks of September.

• 1:21:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 1:21:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, fun rooms, getting back into the swing of things.

• 1:21:30Mark Normand?

  West Coast.

• 1:21:31Sam Morril?

  Hopefully I have some jokes that aren't, uh, about my penis or vagina by then, I will, I will. The material's gonna keep getting better, guys, so I'll see, I'll see you soon out there.

• 1:21:39Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah, boy, that's gonna be a fun Europe run.

• 1:21:42Sam Morril?

  I'm pumped, dude.

• 1:21:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Uh, Zagreb.

• 1:21:46Sam Morril?

  I hear it's unreal.

• 1:21:47Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:21:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I hear it's awesome.

• 1:21:48Mark Normand?

  I've never been, I would love to go.

• 1:21:49Sam Morril?

  And I think the out, the, like, the beaches are sick too, but it's like a really cool town.

• 1:21:53Mark Normand?

  All right. I'm at the Clubhouse in East Hampton, uh, that's actually a really fun room, and I'll make a, make a weekend out of it with the kid. San Franciscan, coming to Cubs, love it. Houston Improv, we'll see you there, it's gonna be hot as shit. Zany's in Nashville, uh, Pittsburgh Improv, Laugh Shop Calgary, Casino Regina, Acme and Mini App.

• 1:22:18Sam Morril?

  Why do I laugh every time he says Casino Regina?

• 1:22:20Mark Normand?

  I know, it, it's funny.

• 1:22:23Sam Morril?

  A lot of, a lot of Regina.

• 1:22:26Mark Normand?

  Austin Powers.

• 1:22:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:22:27Mark Normand?

  Saw that in the theater too. Comedy Works in Denver, at the Heat, and, uh, Charlton Music Hall, Charleston Music Hall, can't wait to get down to Charleston.

• 1:22:35Sam Morril?

  I gotta book a gig there.

• 1:22:37Mark Normand?

  And Comedy on State in Wisconsin in Madison. Helium in Portland, and that, that'll, that'll be good for a while. Come on out, say hello, get some Bodega Cat, we got, we should have some merch cooking soon.

• 1:22:47Sam Morril?

  Ooh, cool new, a lot of you guys, I guess, were into Mark's shirt, I was into it, that's for sure, I was like, how do we not make these? So, from a few episodes ago, I think it was the Knicks episode.

• 1:22:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was the Knicks colors, so.

• 1:22:58Sam Morril?

  I love that shirt, man, that little drunk hat.

• 1:23:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:01Sam Morril?

  So, yeah, we're gonna get those on shirts, on sweatshirts, on hats, we're gonna get some really cool shit made. Uh, bodeagawhiskey.com, follow Bodega Cat Whiskey on Instagram, what you got, buddy?

• 1:23:11Mark Normand?

  What do you got, Sally?

• 1:23:12Speaker 02

  I just had a doc get released, it's called Jeff R. Curry, You Better Fucking Laugh.

• 1:23:18Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:23:19Speaker 02

  It's a tour doc where he's trying to build an hour for his Netflix special while his wife is going through cancer treatment.

• 1:23:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:23:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:26Mark Normand?

  Heavy stuff.

• 1:23:27Sam Morril?

  I heard both of them almost died.

• 1:23:31Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:23:31Sam Morril?

  It was right there, dude, it was right there. No, I heard, I heard it's very good, give it a, give it a watch.

• 1:23:36Speaker 02

  It's on his YouTube page, Jeff R. Curry.

• 1:23:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell, yeah. All right, well, we're cooking, thanks, folks, we'll see you next time with a guest.

• 1:23:43Sam Morril?

  All right.

• 1:23:44Speaker 04

  Sunday's the day for my next fender. A bit of Pivo rec, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like the cops are coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:24:31Speaker 05

  Where some see heroes and others see egos, Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. A fad to some, the future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion-dollar swings. The end of jobs or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.