Ep 259: Daniel Sloss - Thanksgiving Treat

It's Thanksgiving and Daniel Sloss is back in the studio, carving up the holiday with Mark and Sam. The guys get into cultural differences around Thanksgiving, wild road stories, questionable European toilets, serial killer documentaries, expat nightmares, and why coke apparently makes you clean the house. Plus, they break down holiday movies, Russell Brand’s mess, comics on the road, and the most unhinged list of slurs ever read on a podcast. A true holiday classic. Sponsored by: F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code DRUNK15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/DRUNK15#theperfectjeanpod To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #DanielSloss #ComedyPodcast #Thanksgiving #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Happy Thanksgiving.

• 0:07Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey, we might be drunk, we're here. Daniel Sloss, everybody.

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  Looking fit, too, look at that.

• 0:12Speaker 02

  Thanks, man.

• 0:12Sam Morril?

  You're in the gym.

• 0:13Speaker 02

  Yes, only so I don't kill myself.

• 0:16Sam Morril?

  Yes, me too.

• 0:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 0:18Sam Morril?

  I'm one of those.

• 0:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:20Sam Morril?

  There's those who are like, they're vanity lifters, and then there's like, I just gotta sweat out, Jim.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, mine's is a bit, there's certainly a bit of vanity to it, but I'm here for two weeks. It's the longest I've been away from my, like, family since they became like a full family. So I'm just like, if I, if I regressed to what I used to be before I was a father, I would be drinking until 3 a.m., waking up and smoking weed until whatever.

• 0:41Sam Morril?

  Let's get you there.

• 0:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's why we're here.

• 0:44Sam Morril?

  I think we start with the McKellen.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  Oh, McKellen's a fucking unbelievable.

• 0:47Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, McLodes.

• 0:49Mark Normand?

  McLodes?

• 0:50Speaker 02

  McLeod.

• 0:50Sam Morril?

  McLeod.

• 0:51Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 0:52Sam Morril?

  28 years old.

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  Hey, that's legal.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 0:55Mark Normand?

  Now we're talking.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  Almost a bit too old.

• 0:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, a little too.

• 0:58Mark Normand?

  That's a little. That's a Leonardo DiCaprio.

• 1:00Sam Morril?

  Past human trafficking prime, I would say.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the numbers you're getting for a 28-year-old is much, much lower.

• 1:08Mark Normand?

  You gotta hand to these traffickers, because you'd think you'd see some of these buses going back and forth. But they hide them pretty well.

• 1:13Sam Morril?

  They put Bert's poster on it.

• 1:15Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:16Sam Morril?

  They're fully loaded, too.

• 1:17Mark Normand?

  I just got that.

• 1:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Also, if you need any, you know, fucking advice on how to traffic women, Andrew Tate, 90%, 90% of his podcasts.

• 1:26Sam Morril?

  Is it? I've never listened.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  It's like, all the accusations that came out about him being a human trafficker are from just podcasts, where he tells you exactly what, how he gets women into sex work, how he makes sure they're isolated from their friends and family.

• 1:42Sam Morril?

  It's like a rapper on trial for murder, he's like, I haven't shot anyone, like, roll the music.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, really, because you filmed two seasons of I Murdered This Bitch.

• 1:50Sam Morril?

  It smells pretty good.

• 1:51Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:52Sam Morril?

  Ice and no ice, what do you say?

• 1:54Speaker 02

  No ice.

• 1:55Sam Morril?

  It's too good for ice, right?

• 1:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm not, I don't wanna be too, I can get, I can get occasionally pretentious about whiskey, but any.

• 2:03Mark Normand?

  We got enough ice in this country.

• 2:06Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 2:09Mark Normand?

  You don't do Thanksgiving over there, across the pond.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  No, nor Fourth of July, you know.

• 2:13Mark Normand?

  Right, that makes sense.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  It was when you, it was when you beat us.

• 2:16Mark Normand?

  A little awkward.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Hey. Great to see you. Slant ya.

• 2:22Mark Normand?

  Woo wee. Twelve years sober down the drain.

• 2:25Sam Morril?

  Holy shit, that's amazing.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  Well, that is gorgeous, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:29Sam Morril?

  That's smooth as fuck.

• 2:31Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  So this is your producer working, I have the worst mic technique in the fucking game for a professional comedian.

• 2:37Sam Morril?

  You're good, oh, was it, you, oh, you came in, all right, I saw that.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  You came in and fixed it. I regularly on podcasts afterwards, people have been like, have you ever done a fucking podcast?

• 2:46Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  In your goddamn life? Do you know how microphones work? Do you still think it's there?

• 2:51Mark Normand?

  There you go, look at you.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:53Mark Normand?

  Man's having some.

• 2:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude, so you, you're like the, maybe the most world traveler of any comedian.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Um, it's good, yeah, Jean Marco's giving me a run for my money now.

• 3:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Also Jimmy Carr, well ahead.

• 3:07Mark Normand?

  Jimmy Carr's all over it.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  Fluffy was unbelievable.

• 3:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  Everywhere I've been in the world.

• 3:11Sam Morril?

  But he doesn't have long, you know, so it's gonna be you.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Before, when we started doing like Europe and stuff, the one, the people that were regularly ahead of me by several years, were, it was like Russell Peters, Pablo Francisco.

• 3:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Um, any of the ones that got like famous from like OG YouTube days.

• 3:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Like the people that just worked out, they're like, okay, I might burn an hour by putting fucking it out there, but there's no other way for it to hit Europe. I mean, that's Pablo Francisco toured, was doing like a thousand, two thousand seater in Sweden back in like

• 3:45Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Twenty eighteen, sorry, twenty, two thousand and eight, I wanna say.

• 3:49Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, cuz I know the promoter who does out there and he was just, and he was not a promoter before Pablo got out there, he just chanced his fucking luck.

• 3:57Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Message to whoever Pablo's, eh, agents were. I'm like, I can probably set up a couple of gigs in Sweden, blacked his way fully into it. Still a promoter now, promoter for Bill Burr. But he blacked his fucking way in.

• 4:10Mark Normand?

  Damn. So what was your move? Did you go, just get on American TV or YouTube or what was it?

• 4:15Sam Morril?

  He was on Conan back in the, remember Conan sets?

• 4:18Mark Normand?

  Old Conan sets.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Conan was a big sort of booster, but what really fucked me up is like, so did Conan a couple of times? And then my agent was like, do you want to tour Europe? And I'm like, no. Like, I want to go to a place where like, there's no, there's no worse type of person in the world than a British expat, right? They are vermin, whatever country they are in, right? The worst.

• 4:37Sam Morril?

  What is it?

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Because they'll sit, they'll sit in fucking Spain or France and they'll complain about the culture. I've done gigs in Singapore to fucking expats, right? Where you can get like fresh made Singaporean noodles from a guy like fucking cutting all this wheat into a boiling bowl of fresh fucking broth. And then you'll gig to British people and they're like, you can't get a good burger in this country.

• 4:57Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Fucking kill yourself now.

• 5:00Mark Normand?

  Well, New Yorkers do that in America. New Yorkers are kicking a slice of pizza in LA at 4am, what the hell?

• 5:05Speaker 02

  It's like, what do you, what do you think fucking travel is?

• 5:08Sam Morril?

  They've got solid pizza everywhere now.

• 5:08Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 5:09Sam Morril?

  They've figured it out. There's a place that's figured it out in every city.

• 5:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  You've got to experience other countries, man.

• 5:15Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  And then, and then when I did Europe, Europe for the first time, I think Lithuania was one of our first gigs. And my opener went out smashed. I went on, first joke, best joke I had, just fucking silence. And I was like, what the fuck? So I then like do a joke like about like acknowledging the lack of laughter, round of applause. And I'm like, okay, good. I got them back. And then I do, I'm like, okay, well, let's keep it moving. And I'll do my second best joke, goes out fucking silence. And when I make a joke about that off the cuff, they fucking lose their minds. And I'm like, is this fucking opposite world? We little Lithuanian guy in the front row just sticks his hand up as I do the setup for my third joke. And I go, yeah? He goes, any joke you've done on the internet, we've all seen.

• 6:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Any joke that you've done on Conan or anything like this, we've all seen because that's how we watch British and American stand-up.

• 6:08Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  We watch it all online.

• 6:10Sam Morril?

  But if I see a bit, I'll usually laugh again.

• 6:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, if it's been a minute, you know, it's been a couple of weeks.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  Well, I think this was pretty, yeah, yeah. I mean, I agree. I, you know, I listen to and watch stand-up specials repeatedly.

• 6:20Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 6:21Speaker 02

  Two or three times a year, depending on who's as good. I've watched Nick Mullin's special three times this year already, just because I think it's, especially when you're fucking stoned.

• 6:30Mark Normand?

  Yes. French and Indian War, must have been the swolliest war of all time.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  What were they playing over the Febreeze? Folks, can you imagine the smell? Oh god, it kills me. Also them bullying Stephen Hawking.

• 6:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Everyone look what the nerds watching.

• 6:51Mark Normand?

  Uh, I was just in Finland and I'm kinda struggling, uh, Helsinki. And, you know, full house, kinda struggling, it might be a thousand people there. And then at some point, I was like, woo, okay, you guys are tough. And then this guy raises his hand in the front row and I go, what's up? And he goes, why don't more comedians come here? And I was like, have you seen the reaction? I mean, I'm pulling out the A stuff here.

• 7:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's almost, when, when a crowd member raises his hand, you're too polite to kill that, to kill in that room.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:21Sam Morril?

  No one in America is just like, who's like, excuse me, may I have the floor? No, they just fucking heckle.

• 7:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 7:26Sam Morril?

  You know, like, you want that kind of like, energy. You don't want them to think too much. I feel like that's a dude who thought.

• 7:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point.

• 7:32Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  Also, the Finns are internal laughers because they're, they're the status of the Scandinavians.

• 7:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  And they will openly admit that. And it's because they're the one that's going to be on like, the front line against Russia. Like, they've always, they've always had one eye on the fucking border, being like, these, these fucking, these. Just because they're an international trade, doesn't mean they've stopped being fucking bastards.

• 7:53Mark Normand?

  Right, and they keep, they keep saying, we're the hap, they're the happiest people in the world. That's what the internet says, I'm like.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  It's on the inside, they're the happiest.

• 7:59Mark Normand?

  But I think the sad ones just killed themselves. So like, the other ones are just dead. They killed themselves, so the other ones are left.

• 8:05Sam Morril?

  Scandinavians are kinda dark.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:07Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, definitely.

• 8:07Sam Morril?

  Have you seen their movies? They're fucking the darkest.

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 8:11Sam Morril?

  Did you ever see that movie, uh, Speak No Evil?

• 8:13Speaker 02

  No, I'm not, I can't, I'm.

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's too dark, I can't handle that shit.

• 8:17Sam Morril?

  The ending is a darkish, I couldn't believe it.

• 8:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's too much for me.

• 8:20Sam Morril?

  All you need to know about this movie is it's Ronan Hirschberg's favorite movie.

• 8:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez.

• 8:24Sam Morril?

  And that's all you have to know, that you leave going, what the fuck?

• 8:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:28Sam Morril?

  Why?

• 8:28Mark Normand?

  That's gross, and also, they, they do a lot of vampire shit over there.

• 8:32Sam Morril?

  A lot of vampire shit. Yeah, look at the screaming. You know bad shit's happening just from that still.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, has that changed Markiplier?

• 8:39Sam Morril?

  He's in the remake. They did like a second version. With a different ending, by the way.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Oh, better, similar show?

• 8:46Sam Morril?

  They had to do a Hollywood ending for that one.

• 8:47Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck that.

• 8:48Sam Morril?

  I hope I didn't give too much away, but I gave it all away.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Oh, well, I'm not. I can't watch scary movies. I'm a big, big fucking one.

• 8:54Sam Morril?

  I don't like scary movies usually either, but he pushed me on it. He's like, you have to. I have friends who love scary movies and they don't take no for an answer.

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:01Sam Morril?

  They're like, you gotta wa- you like movies, you gotta watch them. I'm like, I don't.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  It's, I think it's like, don't go, I love roller coasters and I understand some people don't like fucking roller coasters. But like, there's something in the, there's just something in the goddamn brain. I think that people who like horror, they just tickles a.

• 9:17Sam Morril?

  You like real fear. That's weirder to me.

• 9:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  Oh, no, man, I fucking, I trust a bunch of pikes who ever built the machine, you know? I fucking, it's, it's mock, it's mock fear. Like, I've, I've. Roller coasters aren't leaving my imagination to do most of the work. Like, it's a direct experience of fear. I'm strapped and I get it.

• 9:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  Horror movies is they're like, how fucked up your, how fucked up is your imagination? I'm like, brain fucked up, man. Please don't, please don't, please don't play with that. Like, if you put a scary movie on, I will think about that in bed. Even though I don't believe in ghosts, even though I'm not fucking scared of any of that shit. My imagination's like, well, there was a movie about it.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  And on the flip side, that's why you like porn.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:59Mark Normand?

  Cause you're like, this could happen and I'm thinking about it in bed.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  This could be me.

• 10:03Sam Morril?

  It won't, but it could.

• 10:04Mark Normand?

  It could.

• 10:04Sam Morril?

  As a kid, it made you stick around that, that, uh, when she calls you after class a little too long, you're like, let's see.

• 10:09Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 10:10Sam Morril?

  Just in case. I don't think it's gonna happen, but let's see.

• 10:12Mark Normand?

  The babysitter's coming, you never know.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  One way or another.

• 10:16Mark Normand?

  I knew a guy who banged the babysitter. He was like the king of eighth grade or whatever.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Oh, and is she in jail now? Oh, sorry, or is he in jail?

• 10:26Mark Normand?

  Nah, I don't think, it was a different time, it was the 90s. You know, you could fuck a young boy and you were like a hero.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  What was the age difference?

• 10:33Mark Normand?

  Ah, I think it was like that Mulaney joke, where it was like a horse watching a dog. You know, it was probably, she was probably like 14 and he was 8.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  You can't fuck an 8.

• 10:43Mark Normand?

  Wait, no, wait, I got that wrong, hold on. She was probably-

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's an outright crime, like you're not even horny at 8.

• 10:48Mark Normand?

  Sorry, she was probably 18, he was 14, something like that. Still illegal, but he was into it.

• 10:55Sam Morril?

  I mean, the parents paid for a prostitute.

• 10:57Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 10:58Sam Morril?

  They thought they were gonna babysit, that's a prostitute.

• 11:00Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 11:01Speaker 02

  Man, there's a bunch of like stories about that in the UK of like dads who buy their son like a sex worker on their-.

• 11:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, fuck that, earn it dude.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, fuck, yeah, I'm not helping my son get laid. He's, he's got my second name, if that doesn't do it, you don't deserve pussy. Or asshole, whatever he's into.

• 11:18Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  You know, if he wants to. But if he's gay, he's not gonna have trouble getting laid.

• 11:22Mark Normand?

  No, that's easy.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Even the ugliest gays.

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  If they, if they want it, they're gay.

• 11:28Sam Morril?

  They get fun nicknames.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:30Sam Morril?

  You're a bear, no, there's no straight nickname for an ugly straight.

• 11:34Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Incel.

• 11:37Sam Morril?

  But that's not a good one.

• 11:38Mark Normand?

  Comedian.

• 11:38Sam Morril?

  A bear is positive.

• 11:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:40Sam Morril?

  A bear is, what else is positive, what else is that?

• 11:42Mark Normand?

  Otter.

• 11:42Sam Morril?

  It's all positive, that's what I mean.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  Twink's a better slur.

• 11:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Sam Morril?

  But people like, but they have twink fetishes, so they do like it.

• 11:49Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 11:49Sam Morril?

  No one has an incel fetish.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  If, if they did, there would be a problem.

• 11:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it'd be alright.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  They would not have any fucking incels.

• 11:55Sam Morril?

  No girl's like, you know what, I really wanna fuck a dude who plays Call of Duty 12 hours a day, that'd be awesome.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  I wanna fuck a man who hates me.

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 12:04Sam Morril?

  Maybe, actually, some of them do.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:06Sam Morril?

  There was a serial killer fetish, right?

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. But is that being, is that being fucked though, or is that just like?

• 12:11Mark Normand?

  Also, serial killers get shit done, incels don't, they just sit in their room all day.

• 12:15Sam Morril?

  But serial killers, they like.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  Knows your body, if anyone's gonna, if anyone's finding the clip, it's a man who's cut off 12.

• 12:24Sam Morril?

  Well, the serial killers, they like them, but they don't like the mass shooters.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  No.

• 12:28Mark Normand?

  It's too easy.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  There's no skill. It's too easy, yeah. It's no skill. It's honorless.

• 12:32Sam Morril?

  Well, because they're willing to commit to one at a time.

• 12:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 12:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:35Mark Normand?

  And Ted Bundy's representing himself in court. He's getting shit done.

• 12:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he did.

• 12:40Speaker 02

  He's escaped his own fucking, they just left him. Back in the days when they just left windows open on police stations.

• 12:48Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 12:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they really, they really were like daring you to escape back then.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:52Sam Morril?

  They're like, "We're just gonna go take a lunch break. You stay here."

• 12:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Well, remember, the American police force was started by the Irish, so there's gonna be some gaping fucking holes

• 13:01Speaker 02

  in the system for a while.

• 13:03Mark Normand?

  That's true. But yeah, wait, what, how'd we get on this? Oh, the babysitter.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That is pretty hot.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  What, what gender baby did you get?

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  A boy.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  You got a boy. Boys are good.

• 13:14Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Boys are good. I got one of each.

• 13:16Mark Normand?

  Nice. That's, that's what I'm hoping for. We're hoping for another, another one.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. If you do have a girl, this is, this is gonna sound like really, really fucked up advice, but I just need you to mentally prepare for it, because nobody warned me.

• 13:28Sam Morril?

  Don't fuck it.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Don't do it.

• 13:30Mark Normand?

  Good, don't.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me you're not gonna do it.

• 13:33Mark Normand?

  I'll get a babysitter for that.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  Eh, baby vaginas are fuck, they're fucked. Like, they come out like swollen, they come out. You know, because every part of a baby is super small. It's a baby.

• 13:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  And then the vagina comes out and you're, and like, they just send you in, like, if your, your job as a dad is to change the first fucking diaper, if your wife's just pushed out a fucking baby, you'd be on point there. And a dick, it's easy to wipe shit off of a dick.

• 14:00Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  Ask any gay guy. But like, when you get like a baby, it's swollen, you gotta wipe down and away, you can't, it's a whole fuck. If you get any shit in that thing there, like.

• 14:11Mark Normand?

  Infection.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  Infections, it gets bad, and oh, nobody, nobody prepared, man.

• 14:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, the real meat pita.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:19Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Doug Stanhope used to have an excellent line, and it always made me laugh before I was a dad, just because it was a funny visual, and it wasn't till my daughter was born, and I went, "Oh, fuck." He was like, eh, somebody been punched in the eyes, eh, punched in the eye, and he was like, it was swollen like a baby's And I always just laughed at that for how just like, like a visceral image it was in my head.

• 14:40Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Normally, the first thing you're meant to feel when you look at your daughter for the first time is, "God, I love my daughter." I'm like, "This reminds me of Doug Stanhope."

• 14:49Mark Normand?

  Happy Thanksgiving, folks.

• 14:51Sam Morril?

  Doug is poetic. I mean.

• 14:52Mark Normand?

  He is.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Oh, he's one of the, in terms of like, painting a fucking picture.

• 14:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:57Sam Morril?

  Here's a couple. One of them I love, I quote all the time is, when he says on one of his albums, he goes, "When I do comedy, it's like I'm taking you into war. You're not all gonna be here at the end."

• 15:06Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 15:07Sam Morril?

  That's amazing. And the one, that Bobby Burnett bit, where he's just, you know, he's, the whole story about picking up a woman, and it's like, you know, "I said all the right things that night, you know. She hated cigarettes, I was trying to cut back. She hated long hair, I was trying to quit." It's just like, it's like out of a movie, it's great.

• 15:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  And I don't think there's any like, in the newer generation, and I include our generation of comics in that as well. I don't think there'll be another Stan Hope, I think, like, what, because he was a proper road dog.

• 15:34Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  And he was doing weird-ass fucking places in Europe, way before, as well before, before me. He was doing like, fucking Iceland and all the darker places. I imagine he reps in Finland.

• 15:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  If anyone fucking reps in Finland, and I was saying it, it's Doug Stan Hope.

• 15:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Look at that, just went to Ukraine.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, he went to Ukraine, so he fucking did.

• 15:55Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 15:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we had him on, it was a fun one, man.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Oh, he's.

• 15:58Sam Morril?

  And he showed up at the Cellar that night, he was, uh, no one expect, it was like a rare time to see a tell smile, too. Because Dave was like, "Oh, he won't come." I said, "He said he would." And Dave's like, "No, he would stay at the airport hotel if he could, he hates New York City." And he showed up, and we, were you there that night?

• 16:13Mark Normand?

  No, I missed it.

• 16:13Sam Morril?

  We drank till like, super late. We're drinking the Doug Stan Hope, which is just, I think, grapefruit juice, vodka soda.

• 16:21Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 16:22Sam Morril?

  But that's how he keeps going.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:24Mark Normand?

  First comic I ever saw live.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah?

• 16:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and he was so shitfaced, he barely got a word out, but I was like, "This is fun."

• 16:32Mark Normand?

  "I can't wait to do this job."

• 16:33Sam Morril?

  That's rock and roll.

• 16:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But, great show.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's been a while since I've seen, Kai, my friend, opened for him a couple times in the UK, and just, yeah. He's also, he's one of, he's such a nice bloke.

• 16:46Mark Normand?

  Yes, great guy.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:48Mark Normand?

  Now he's in his kind of like, "I'm wearing my leisure suits, I sit in Bisbee, Arizona, and I drink, and I go out every now and then" phase.

• 16:56Sam Morril?

  He'd be a dude that if you saw on the Delta Sky Club, because I feel like he wears that so proudly, I'd be so pumped.

• 17:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell yeah. But you'd probably miss your flight.

• 17:04Sam Morril?

  You'd definitely miss your flight. But you're going on a new adventure.

• 17:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and you're like, I'm going to Cleveland. He's like, I'm going to fucking Gaza. You know, he's always going to some crazy place.

• 17:14Sam Morril?

  What he did is, he tried to get, he didn't hit Diamond one year, so he just went on like a 36 hour.

• 17:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right.

• 17:21Sam Morril?

  He just flew all over the world to hit Diamond.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Oh man, there's people who.

• 17:25Sam Morril?

  On Delta.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  There's people who do that, like, they work out like the longest flights that they can do to build up. I think Alex Edelman was telling me that his brother did that for a while. It was the cheapest, he worked at the cheapest and most efficient way to get all the air miles. And I was like, man, you're doing the Jewish stereotype.

• 17:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I know, Jesus.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  No fucking purpose, come on lads.

• 17:47Mark Normand?

  Now, when you're on the road, you miss the kids? How do you handle that?

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, so the worst thing you can do as a comedian for your career is have children. Like I.

• 17:56Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  I've been here for a week, and like normally, I would be on the road for like two, three months.

• 18:00Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Can bring my wife out, you know, back with shoes, my girlfriend, have fun. Yeah, a week is, you're like, I fucking, I miss, I miss the kids a lot.

• 18:09Mark Normand?

  It's a lot of, you're the FaceTime dad.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's not a good thing. I don't want them to like recognize me through a fucking screen. But it's only, now, like before, after my daughter was born, I took eight months off to just like be.

• 18:23Mark Normand?

  Good.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  The entire time.

• 18:25Sam Morril?

  Were you itching though, during that eight months?

• 18:27Speaker 02

  No, I'd got it, and I hated coming back to stand up, because like, imagine you finish a fucking tour, right? And you're going to new material, right? New material's already, like, a bit nerve wracking, but, but, you've got the, you've just been on tour for two years. Your form is through the roof. Your materials are zero, but your form's a hundred. You take eight months off, your form is a zero, and your materials are fucking zero.

• 18:51Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  And also, you've just been a dad for eight months, I don't need to tell you.

• 18:54Sam Morril?

  Do you even get up? You don't even, where's home base for you?

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Edinburgh.

• 18:57Sam Morril?

  So, so you can't even just get up?

• 18:59Speaker 02

  I could, but I just, I didn't want to. I just wanted to like, I wanted, because I've been touring.

• 19:03Sam Morril?

  Full reset?

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I wanted to like, I've been touring so relentlessly and thought, and constantly, like, stand up comedy was the number one priority of my life for 16 years.

• 19:13Sam Morril?

  Well, no wonder you dreaded it though, so much going back, because you're like, I'm a fucking cripple right now.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:17Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 19:18Sam Morril?

  In every sense.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  Oh, and I felt like a fucking, I felt like a cripple, like, because I was also, I was being a bit too. Like too much of a wanky fucking purist. I was like, you know, going back, I wanna just like go to, I'll go to clubs. And where people don't really know who I am, I'll perform to a fucking neutral audience and I would go out and I do, I wasn't, I wasn't eating shit, but I wasn't doing. Great. I was finding my fucking feet again. It was my wife that was like, why don't you just what, instead of going to play to a neutral audience. Why don't you fucking go and play to your own audience one time and just get that confidence back up. If you've never ridden a bike before, you don't start at the top of a ramp. Like if it's been a couple of years and you've, riding a bike, you will find your feet again. You don't start in the skate park after ten years of not biking.

• 20:02Sam Morril?

  And then there's, but there's other part you were like, I feel guilty doing this horseshit set for my fans.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, 100% feels like cheating.

• 20:08Sam Morril?

  Cause that's what I was doing during COVID. I remember doing those like hotel shows, cause it was, and, and I'd be like, I gotta write new shit.

• 20:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Sam Morril?

  But I was like, luckily their bar for entertainment was so low at that time.

• 20:18Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 20:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah. But yeah, no, you feel guilty. I don't, I ran into a guy once and he was like, I saw you fucking working out jokes and Dana B's shit fucking sucked. I was like, it was billed as a workout show and he goes, still, I was like, damn.

• 20:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:32Sam Morril?

  How bad was I? I remember going, well.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Well, some, some comedy fans fucking love the idea of a work in progress because like they, I've, I've got people that like come to multiple iterations of the show because they like seeing where it's going.

• 20:45Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  But then you've also got people who are blown away. They're like, I saw you two weeks ago and you did the same jokes. You're like, you're like, what do you think a fucking tourist?

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  Like it's, it's, it's, it's the same title.

• 20:58Sam Morril?

  A lot of people don't know that. More people know that obviously with podcasts, but a lot of people don't know that. They're like, so you just do the same. I'm like, no, I tweak it a little. It's not exactly the same.

• 21:06Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  When I started stand up, like when I was like 16, 17, I loved stand up, like watching on TV, watching it on fucking VHS and stuff. But like I had this thing of like, I didn't like when I'd seen like a comedian do Mark the Week and then I saw them on tour and they did like some of the same jokes. So me being a dumb ass 17 year old, I was like, I'm never gonna repeat jokes at any venue. So if I do this five minutes here, the next time I come back to that venue, I'll have to do a different five and then I'll come up with a different five next time. And thankfully like two months into my career, an older comic was like, hey, just to let you know, that's. Like that's like the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my fucking life.

• 21:44Sam Morril?

  But it probably instilled something in you that made you prolific. Cause I remember seeing you on Conan when you were young, being like, who the fuck is this kid?

• 21:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, where'd he come from?

• 21:51Sam Morril?

  Who's got a new six every few months? And it was all good. I was like, what? We would send each other in the group chat. It'd be me, Norman and List and we'd be, you know, we'd send late night sets to each other where we're like, oh, this is good. And.

• 22:04Mark Normand?

  If you look at the whole thread, it's like, this guy's a hack, fuck him, he's suck. And then they're like, who's this guy?

• 22:08Speaker 02

  Depends what's with my, I'm sure some of my Conan spots were saying, being like, well, he's fucked up this time.

• 22:14Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah? No, I was definitely buzzing on a couple of those too. Cause they would just bring, like, do you want a drink or something? I'd be like, is that allowed? Yeah, I'll get a buzz, yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Also, I had such a like fucking hard time, not a hard time, but like going, coming to America for the first time. And just how legal and prevalent marijuana was. I was like, this is what they mean by the first word.

• 22:34Sam Morril?

  What's the situation in Edinburgh with weed?

• 22:36Speaker 02

  It's decriminalized now, but that's basically because like, I think about five years ago, the chief of police of Scotland was like, we're not busting people for weed anymore because it's a waste of resources and absolutely nobody cares. Like if we, any, like.

• 22:51Sam Morril?

  Amsterdam's lost a lot of its juice now that everywhere is like, you could just, you could smoke here.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  But Amsterdam fucking, they, they'll be happy with it because they, they hated British tourists. Because Brits abroad are the worst in the world. Like Americans abroad, there's the stereotypes that like they're loud and that they're not. But the Americans abroad are the best Americans. They're the ones that travel. They're the, they're the ones that have like.

• 23:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it took us a little more work to get there.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. And that's not a criticism. Like I hate when fucking Brits and Europeans are like, oh, you know, the only 40% of Americans own passports? And you're like, do you know how big America is?

• 23:28Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Are you aware of like the fucking size of like, in terms of what you can experience in this country? You can experience every.

• 23:35Sam Morril?

  It's also expensive to travel.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you, you've got the desert here, you've got the fucking Arctic here, you've got fucking forests here. You've got villages, you've got mountains.

• 23:44Sam Morril?

  Oh, you go to like, you go to a state like North Carolina, they've got everything. You've got mountains, you've got beaches, you've got.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  The only thing you don't have is history.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  And I know you're like, oh, what about American history? Like, if people are alive to experience it.

• 23:57Mark Normand?

  Well, we make up for that with fentanyl.

• 24:01Sam Morril?

  We're forgetting every day.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, you've crammed a lot in. You've crammed a lot into your 225 years.

• 24:06Sam Morril?

  It is crazy to see how bad the fentanyl problem is here, and then you go abroad and you're like, oh, there's just, these streets are peaceful and there's no, uh, there's no littering anywhere.

• 24:14Mark Normand?

  I know, it's crazy.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  But the downside is our coke is shit.

• 24:17Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Like.

• 24:18Sam Morril?

  Well, it's coke is shit everywhere, I feel like now.

• 24:20Mark Normand?

  Well, we got some pretty good coke.

• 24:22Sam Morril?

  Would you, would you do coke? And, well, you've never done it to begin with.

• 24:24Mark Normand?

  I've never done it.

• 24:25Sam Morril?

  And neither have I, because.

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  You've never done coke?

• 24:27Sam Morril?

  I was scared straight by this fucking, I used to be gay. I was scared straight by my coach. He was like, when we were young, he was just like pulling up Len Bias, Boston Celtics, ODs the first fucking time he does a line. Uh, Daryl Johnston, uh, offensive tackle, ODs at his bachelor party. Just bring up statistics of guys who died instantly from bad coke. And I was like, oh, fuck, I'm not touching it.

• 24:48Mark Normand?

  At the end, he was like, pussies.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  They died doing what they loved, being fucking losers. My, my stag do was in Vegas. I brought like fucking 24 British comics over.

• 25:01Sam Morril?

  Why Vegas?

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Cause I, because I've, because I'm not from America. Like, I love, I love Vegas. That's not a fucking option where I'm from.

• 25:10Sam Morril?

  But what's the equivalent for like Americans to go there that you'd be like, ugh?

• 25:13Speaker 02

  Oh, cruel. I'm, oh, fucking anywhere in Spain. Like, like Benidorm, Mallorca, like all the tourist fucking spots. You're like, oh, why would you go there? The wor- the worst of our country goes to there too.

• 25:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, and when we got there, cause my son was about a year and a half old at this point, cause he's a bastard because I'm cool. Um, and I was like, I'm not doing coke. I'm a dad now. There's not a chance I'm doing any coke. And my friends were like, all right, like, we'll go to Vegas. I'm like, no, man, fentanyl, I've been to LA. Fentanyl's like a huge.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's big.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Real fucking problem. So they got a comic who will remain nameless from LA. And they were like, we need you to get coke that you, we can guarantee.

• 25:54Sam Morril?

  Joe DeRosa.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  I mean, you're not far off.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  It wasn't Joe DeRosa, but you're in the right vein. Um. And yeah, the, the friend of mine got like, I, I, I don't want to exaggerate it too much, but it was eh, like a hundred grams of coke, which they, because there's twenty five of us.

• 26:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 02

  So we're doing all, and we, and we got through that coke in the first two nights.

• 26:19Sam Morril?

  Wait, so you said you're not doing coke and then they're like, they just brought coke, you're like, alright, I'll do it.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  Well, so he, the guy that did it was like, this is the guy I've always been buying from, he tests it, he's tested it in front of me, he's done it in front of me, he's finding like, we, we were very thorough about this, and I'm like, still nervous, still nervous. And then one of my friends who's not a comedian, who's just a war vet, eh, and he was like, he was like, I'll fucking, I'll do it. He's like, I've put, I've put, I've put my life on the line for a country I don't even like that much anymore. I'll fucking do a line of coke for one of my best friends. And I, eh, we racked him up a little one, he's like, if I'm going in, I'm going fucking in. Like, we gotta find out what this is. And he must have racked up almost close to a full gram, and we all just watched him rail it. And like, he was like, he was like, it smells great, feels fucking good, and twenty five minutes later, we were like, that's good enough for us.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  Fucking weird, yeah.

• 27:10Mark Normand?

  You know Charlie Sheen? Wow, that's incredible.

• 27:14Sam Morril?

  So how was the night? Was it night wild?

• 27:16Speaker 02

  Oh man, it was, the, I was so.

• 27:18Sam Morril?

  Do you want to stick with that one? We have other stuff you could, you could try as well. I mean, that was delicious.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  You got Maggots as well. I'll, I'll just a little bit of this one just now.

• 27:24Sam Morril?

  It's really nice, right?

• 27:25Speaker 02

  It's so nice.

• 27:25Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Eh, so the first night, I was so fucked that they let me go to bed. Like, normally your, the buck doesn't get, get to choose when to go to fucking bed, but I think it was like half five in the morning, I stumbled up to the boys, I'm like, lads, I might go to sleep. And they were like, yeah, you almost definitely should. Like, all the cocaine you've taken, you've, I was also, it's managed fucking Vegas, I was, I was taking countless edibles.

• 27:52Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  Eh, I'm drinking fucking.

• 27:53Sam Morril?

  And that city's already built to not sleep in.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:57Mark Normand?

  Are you gambling? Are you seeing a show? Are you at Cirque du Soleil?

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Gambling, we gambling, we took a helicopter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we went, we went to the fucking, we did a lot of gambling, a lot of drinking, went to some shows, took a helicopter through the fucking Grand Canyon at one point, because I paid. So I paid for all the boys to come out because I didn't want to outprice any of my friends.

• 28:17Mark Normand?

  What the fuck? This must have been, what, hundreds of thousands? You're talking helicopters and blow here.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Well, so I think, I don't know what the budget for it ultimately was at the end, but like I'd said to Kai, what he'd done was he was like, for a full year of our podcast, he was like, I'll just not pay you any of the Patreon money.

• 28:35Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  And we can just fucking save that up. So over the, over a year, I think that amounted to, you know, maybe 20, 30 grand.

• 28:42Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  I was like, cheapest flight for the boys, cheapest fucking hotel, I'll get them all over there because I, I don't want to outprice any of my mates and I want to fucking, you know, Bret's in Vegas, it's mind blowing. It's not, it's not fucking hack, it's exciting.

• 28:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  We've seen it in the movies. We've seen it in the TV shows. I mean, we very quickly realized on day three that six days were too many.

• 29:04Sam Morril?

  We could have told you that.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Oh man, three days in, we were like, fuck, boys, I, like, I don't know what we're doing.

• 29:09Sam Morril?

  What do you do at a certain point there?

• 29:10Speaker 02

  Well, one of the great ones they did was with, because they were so grateful that I'd fucking flown them over, they were being super kind to me. Like, they were still being shitty, but ultimately great. They booked a, um, a suite, like a penthouse room in the MGM Grand for two nights for just me to stay in.

• 29:28Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  On the condition that they got to do a roast of me.

• 29:34Mark Normand?

  What?

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Uh, just in the fucking room. So, and we were all, I mean, we were coked out of our fucking nuts and we recorded it and we shouldn't have recorded it. Because we're just, you know, it's comedians.

• 29:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  With no audience, roasting each other.

• 29:49Mark Normand?

  Whatever happened to whores?

• 29:52Mark Normand?

  Write jokes and set up a thing?

• 29:54Sam Morril?

  They're like, yeah, I want to get fucked up. I have homework. I gotta write jokes.

• 29:57Mark Normand?

  It's a lot of work.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, they wrote them all on the fucking plate. It was great. I loved it.

• 30:00Sam Morril?

  That's incredible though. That is memorable.

• 30:02Mark Normand?

  That's great. That's great. And the blow makes it more fun. Just a bunch of guys grinding their teeth, shitting on you.

• 30:07Sam Morril?

  We, Mark and I are weirdly similar in our fear of coke and like, it's just always been booze for me.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Don't, don't do it now. Like, you start, you know, you start coke in your twenties, you stop in your thirties.

• 30:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:16Speaker 02

  If you're doing, if you're doing your first line in your late thirties, early forties, bud, come on, you're a dad now. You can't do it now.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that could help me with the housework.

• 30:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Khan used to, before the fringe started every year. We'd get a bag of coke and just to clean the house before the stuff. It was great. Man, I find myself fucking cleaning the inside of bins that I've never cleaned. I'm like, I'm like, you never think of cleaning the inside of a fucking bin, but it's gotta be done. That's where germs are coming from.

• 30:42Mark Normand?

  You know, you brought the positives of coke. This is good.

• 30:45Sam Morril?

  I remember, I remember we were out with Jim Jeffries, like way back in the day, and I remember across the room, he was like doing this to me, and I was like, does he have like allergies? I don't know. I was that fucking naive.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  Is he being antisemitic?

• 30:57Sam Morril?

  I was like, I suppose it is a little pointy. I don't know.

• 31:01Mark Normand?

  Later, he's like.

• 31:06Sam Morril?

  After that, he's like.

• 31:08Mark Normand?

  Speaking of Jim Jeffries, now his cousin, he got a hooker, because he was in a wheelchair.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:14Mark Normand?

  So that's a little different.

• 31:15Sam Morril?

  Muscular dystrophy.

• 31:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:16Sam Morril?

  I think it was like a childhood friend. I don't think.

• 31:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, childhood friend, okay.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  That was one of his big bits.

• 31:20Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God, that bit was incredible. It's one of my favorites.

• 31:23Mark Normand?

  I think that's fair.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  Alcohol, Alcohol Holocaust, I think it was that.

• 31:26Sam Morril?

  Great title.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:27Sam Morril?

  He was, he was hammered in that one.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he's sober now. Oh, he's Cali sober.

• 31:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's a big pothead.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  Which is so funny, because, I mean, I never got to do, look, I'm so glad for Jim and his sobriety. I think that's great. If I could go back in time and do coke with like, I'd love to do gear with fucking Jeffries back in the day.

• 31:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  I reckon that would have been a goddamn, I'd have done some good coke with some pretty fucking cool people, but Jeffries, I think, would be, would be up there.

• 31:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:55Sam Morril?

  Can you, can you name any of the cool people?

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely. I'll sell, you know me, I'll sell anyone down the road.

• 32:01Sam Morril?

  Mother Teresa, no.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Well, the more like, the more like four me were cool ones. It was like the British comics, or sorry, the comedians on the British scene that I grew up with, like Glenn Wool's Canadian comic.

• 32:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Glenn.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  And I love Glenn. He was a big one for me. Um, Mike Wilmot, I don't know if you know Mike, again, lots of Canadians go to the UK, just develop a fucking career and end up staying there because it's easier to tour the UK than it is to tour Canada.

• 32:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  Just in terms of drives and everything.

• 32:27Sam Morril?

  And they also have like weird politics with the clubs in Canada, I think.

• 32:31Mark Normand?

  That's true. It'd be funny if this got dark. You're like, and then Geraldo last night there, Hedberg.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  I've done coke in some fucking great places. I've done coke off of. I probably shouldn't tell the story. I've done coke off of Hitler's toilet.

• 32:46Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  There was.

• 32:49Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  There's, it wasn't a toilet that Hitler actually used, but there was a place in the UK where if Hitler was captured at the end of the war, that they were going to imprison him because you can't put him in a standard prison. And they had this little sort of room set aside for his prison. And I got access to what was meant to be his cell. And I was like, I have to do cocaine off this fucking toilet.

• 33:13Mark Normand?

  Is that it?

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Uh, yep. Yeah, that is.

• 33:17Mark Normand?

  No, that's the Charlotte comedy condo.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, it goes to one on the left. Yep.

• 33:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:24Mark Normand?

  But he was supposed to go there.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  He was supposed to go there. And then, uh, yeah, he was supposed to go there instead of Argentina.

• 33:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 33:34Mark Normand?

  Wow. Not a bad throne for the fear. Look at that.

• 33:38Sam Morril?

  And he's got a little book table there.

• 33:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, a little Mein Kampf table. That's fun.

• 33:43Sam Morril?

  Berlin Today newspaper right there.

• 33:45Mark Normand?

  He's got a window too. This guy's living large. Yeah, by the way, Barcelona, we mentioned tourism. They hate tourists.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  They fucking hate it.

• 33:55Mark Normand?

  They hate, they have all these graffitis everywhere. They hate tourists. Tourism went through the floor. A bunch of businesses were like, please bring them back. So.

• 34:02Sam Morril?

  Every time I'm annoyed by a parade or something, I'm like, eh, it's fucking, it's good for the city.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  With Spanish people, they're, they're, they're napping during the day. They're dumb people. It's the only, it's the only place in Europe I won't tour.

• 34:13Mark Normand?

  What?

• 34:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I had a good show in Barcelona. I liked it.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  I've performed there four times and I've never not hated every second of it. Yeah. Which is weird because Portugal's the best.

• 34:22Mark Normand?

  Portugal's fun. Lisbon's awesome.

• 34:24Sam Morril?

  I gotta hit there.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  Oh, Lisbon.

• 34:26Mark Normand?

  Beautiful.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Lisbon and Porto. Love, love them.

• 34:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that, that's a, that's one of the prettiest cities I've ever been to.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Food's amazing. It's everything Spain wishes it was. And they don't know, and their, and their culture isn't based around a fucking nap.

• 34:41Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 34:42Speaker 02

  Their entire identity.

• 34:43Sam Morril?

  I like when Sloss gets fired up on a culture.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  Oh man, anyone that sees it anymore, but my, they'll be so bored of me just constantly doing my, why I hate the Spanish rap.

• 34:53Mark Normand?

  The Spaniards, you don't hear them getting taken down.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:57Mark Normand?

  And enough with the paella, we get it. Half of it's stuck to the pan.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, also just make a full sized meal, guys.

• 35:03Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 35:03Sam Morril?

  Also, the late dinner bugs me.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Oh, because they're fucking napsture the day.

• 35:07Sam Morril?

  I don't like, I don't, maybe I'm getting older, I don't like a late dinner.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  No, 10pm, 10pm for fucking dinner, get fucked.

• 35:15Mark Normand?

  I don't like a late dinner, I'm sorry. My tummy aches, sorry.

• 35:19Sam Morril?

  I will tell you one thing I like that I see in, I guess it's maybe more Paris, but you see it in Europe more, is the foot pedal, uh, flusher.

• 35:28Mark Normand?

  I'm down.

• 35:29Sam Morril?

  I like the foot pedal flusher.

• 35:30Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 35:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you don't have to touch a dirty ass thing.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:34Sam Morril?

  Or even where they have the foot pedal sink thing, too.

• 35:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a smart move.

• 35:38Sam Morril?

  I kinda like that, it's, why are we not doing more of that?

• 35:39Mark Normand?

  Some planes have it, too.

• 35:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the foot pedal.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  I don't like the, the, it's, it's Austrian and it's other parts of Europe, the poo inspection planks.

• 35:47Mark Normand?

  Come again?

• 35:49Speaker 02

  There's, the, like toilets, just have like a bit that the water, that you poo on.

• 35:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, like a shelf.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, like a shelf.

• 35:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  You can look at your shit, yeah, there you go.

• 35:58Sam Morril?

  Let's zoom in on that.

• 35:59Mark Normand?

  That's tough on a miscarriage.

• 36:00Speaker 02

  It's the one on the, the, the second one. Yeah.

• 36:02Mark Normand?

  You're like, oh, I didn't see that. It's in slow motion.

• 36:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that, I don't need the shelf.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:10Sam Morril?

  What is that? Yeah, it's gonna get stuck.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's like, I don't know, I gotta, the only-

• 36:14Sam Morril?

  Here's a question, when you, when you, when you skid the hotel bowl, do you clean it?

• 36:18Mark Normand?

  No.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  I do my best to piss it off.

• 36:20Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  That's the game, you've created a mini game.

• 36:23Sam Morril?

  But sometimes they don't put enough water in there, and I'm like, this is the plumbing issue, this is not on me.

• 36:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what am I, they have cleaners.

• 36:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but that's, it is your poop, it's pretty gross.

• 36:31Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 36:32Sam Morril?

  And I try to get, they should always have the, the brush.

• 36:36Mark Normand?

  Love the brush, and a plunger for that matter.

• 36:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:38Mark Normand?

  I did coke off that.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  Off the shelf, that's why.

• 36:43Sam Morril?

  That was actually a Gerbils toilet.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  This must be awful.

• 36:49Mark Normand?

  But the bidets are really coming in hot everywhere. I don't have a bidet at home, so.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  The Jap, you know, the Jap toilets?

• 36:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they are unbelievable.

• 36:57Speaker 02

  Oh, man, I love a Jap toilet.

• 36:58Sam Morril?

  Why? Oh, they have bidet always?

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Well, they, they, it's the thing that comes out and it shoots the.

• 37:03Sam Morril?

  Thanks for spelling Japanese in that one.

• 37:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I love those toilets. They're like heated seat. There's like a control panel on the side.

• 37:11Sam Morril?

  And heated seat in the winter.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  Squishy, squishy water directly up your arse. And if you, if you, if you sit, if you sit the angle right of your sphincter, you can have a slight enema.

• 37:21Mark Normand?

  Ooh, I'm in.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's great.

• 37:25Sam Morril?

  You'll meet people who are homophobic sometimes who are like, you fucking squirt water off your arse. I'm like, the alternative is a finger.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, good point.

• 37:31Sam Morril?

  It's not that, like, what's, it's not a gay thing.

• 37:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Also, I can't understand the monopoly that fucking toilet paper has had for a hundred, we've not, there's.

• 37:41Mark Normand?

  True.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Like, how are we still wiping our ass with fucking paper? It's insane.

• 37:46Mark Normand?

  It's a crazy, because if it was on your hand or your arm, you'd use water.

• 37:49Speaker 02

  If it was in your fucking hair, you wouldn't just get like a bit of toilet paper and be like, well, that's all the poo gone from my goddamn.

• 37:54Sam Morril?

  At the very least, you gotta bring the wipes.

• 37:57Mark Normand?

  The wipes are big, but they're bad for the environment, apparently.

• 37:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  And if I can't get the shits things off my arm, I put my dick around and I try and piss them off. I think that's the best way.

• 38:05Mark Normand?

  Pretty good dick.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  That's the Scottish Japanese toilet.

• 38:09Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they birthed right us through the floor, but their asses are clean. You know, adult diapers sell better in Japan than, than child? Fun fact.

• 38:20Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Is that like, for, for gross fetish reasons?

• 38:24Mark Normand?

  Ah, I think it's just so many old people and no kids.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, we gotta start.

• 38:29Sam Morril?

  Sounds so sad. Once you're strapping that on, it's time to, time to pack it in.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's also, if, if you got adult diapers, it's time, you don't get to vote anymore. Like you're at the age where there has to be a cut, if there's a cut off age that you can't vote when you're five years old.

• 38:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  You also can't vote when you're seventy, right? If I'm leaving a restaurant and you're coming in.

• 38:47Mark Normand?

  Our president's usually eighty.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't get to order your fucking meal when you come into a restaurant. If you are over the, if you're over the age of fucking seventy.

• 38:56Mark Normand?

  You can't drive a car.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  You don't get to choose the next government because you'll be dead. Who gives a fuck?

• 39:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  You voted the most times.

• 39:03Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  You don't get to decide the rest of the fucking future. And if you do vote over the age of seventy, it comes directly, you have to pay it. It comes out of your fucking pension. Directly.

• 39:12Mark Normand?

  I like it.

• 39:13Sam Morril?

  Dude, we already have a voting problem in this country, though.

• 39:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:16Sam Morril?

  No one's gonna pay to vote.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. Did you vote today?

• 39:19Sam Morril?

  I will tomorrow.

• 39:20Mark Normand?

  Wait.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  But it is today.

• 39:21Mark Normand?

  It's today?

• 39:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, I'll vote later today then. Sorry. I thought it was tomorrow.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  No, it's today.

• 39:27Mark Normand?

  I went today and they're like, this is the wrong place. And I was like, ah, fuck. So I have to go later, I guess.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta do what the Aussies do. So the Aussies, it's illegal to not vote.

• 39:37Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  You get fined a thousand bucks or a bit more, but what, and they, nobody works on voting day because they want everyone to vote. But what this does is it stops, and they've got a multi-party system as well. But this stops them ever having a far right or a far left government because if you force them to vote.

• 39:55Mark Normand?

  The middle is voting.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Because the middle is voting.

• 39:56Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Because they have to. So it's like a really, don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll have Aussies in the comments being like, explain all these fucking cycles that we've got. But in general.

• 40:05Mark Normand?

  No.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  It's such a smart way to.

• 40:08Mark Normand?

  I like that a lot. And also in Singapore, it's illegal to not save money. They make a law that you have to save money, which I think is genius because then everybody's set.

• 40:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, like, just like an amount. Also, Singapore is one of the, like, I love Singapore because it's legitimately safe. Like, the idea of, like, you can leave your phone.

• 40:29Sam Morril?

  It is not illegal to not save money.

• 40:31Mark Normand?

  Ah, fuck. Maybe I had the wrong country. Country that has a mandatory social security savings scheme, so they save money, they save money for you.

• 40:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 40:40Mark Normand?

  Okay, sorry. Much like they take our taxes out, they take save out for them.

• 40:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 40:45Mark Normand?

  But yeah, Singapore is safe as shit, Japan is safe as shit.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  But it's, yeah, but Japan's safe because like, yeah, that feels like just a cultural thing.

• 40:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  Singapore is safe because the, the, the punishment is fucked.

• 41:00Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 41:00Speaker 02

  Like, why will nobody?

• 41:02Sam Morril?

  It's not worth it.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  No, why, nobody will, nobody will steal a, if you were to leave a thousand dollars on a fucking table at 1 a.m. in a pub in Singapore, you could come back at daylight and it'd still be there.

• 41:12Sam Morril?

  Do you get cocky? Do you walk around with some bills out?

• 41:14Speaker 02

  Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On my phone, been like, ah, I've only got a million on me right now. Take me to the roughest neighborhoods.

• 41:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's true. I guess that's why Rihanna was always acting right.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:30Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 41:32Mark Normand?

  The punishment was so bad, you get it. All right. Is it weird to have all this Thanksgiving themed stuff? We got, we-

• 41:38Speaker 02

  I did, I mean, it's very white girl.

• 41:41Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 41:42Sam Morril?

  You are a white girl, man.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're a white woman.

• 41:45Sam Morril?

  He puts thought into it. I appreciate it. I like-

• 41:47Speaker 02

  I am-

• 41:48Mark Normand?

  Coffee pudding is for you.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Great. It also just looks like, like a giant jobbie, like big, big shit, but it looks-

• 41:54Sam Morril?

  We wiped it off the hotel room.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And clearly from a height because it's been flattened.

• 42:00Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  I am, first time I ever did a comedy club in America was the Denver Comedy Works.

• 42:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, you started too high.

• 42:09Sam Morril?

  It's like losing your virginity to a supermodel.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  A hundred percent, right? And it was the week, and I went out there to try the material before doing my first Conan spot. I get there on the Tuesday, I'm there until the Monday.

• 42:20Sam Morril?

  Were you downtown or the suburbs?

• 42:23Speaker 02

  Uh, downtown.

• 42:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, the good one.

• 42:24Sam Morril?

  So that's where like David Tell did Skanks for the Memories, Geraldo did Good Day to Cross the River, all the, some of the best comedy albums ever.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Oh, and, and, again, like, completely unexplained, go in, do a show on the Wednesday, it's fucking great. The, and I said to the staff, I'm like, I'll see you tomorrow. And they're like, no, you won't. I was like, I'm booked all weekend. They're like, yeah, but tomorrow's Thanksgiving. It's Thursday. We don't do.

• 42:43Mark Normand?

  And you didn't know this?

• 42:45Speaker 02

  I don't fucking know. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK. I've got no idea. So I'm like, all right, well, I guess I'll just, you know, sit and jerk off in my hotel room and get. And the Comedy Works staff were like, under no circumstance are you sitting in a fucking hotel room. And they invited me to theirs. So the only Thanksgiving I've ever had in this country was they invited me to theirs and I fucking loved it. They were stoned from eleven AM. They were all taking it in turns cooking different fucking parts of the things. There were some bits where I was like, you guys really have to put fucking marshmallow on sweet potato?

• 43:14Mark Normand?

  No, it's good. It's good.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  It's amazing. I couldn't believe it. And of course, we were stoned. Oh, my God. And like, we, we all sat around and like, I'm not gonna lie to you, like, the idea of like, sitting down and like, giving your thanks. Bleh, pretty, pretty gay, pretty loser-y. But like, hearing these people like, talk about like, their family, what they were grateful for, the friends that they had in their life and like, just, you know, to not be alone on Thanksgiving, thanks to the people from Comedy Works. I was like, oh, man, I fu- I really get and understand this holiday. This is.

• 43:44Mark Normand?

  Yes, giving thanks.

• 43:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I love it.

• 43:46Mark Normand?

  It's beautiful. And that's one of the drunkest clubs, the, the greatest staff, they will get drunk with you.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:52Mark Normand?

  It's a good time.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love the.

• 43:54Sam Morril?

  I remember one year I was at the St. Louis Funny Bone on, uh, Thanksgiving. And Nikki Glaser was there and she was like, you should come do Thanksgiving with my family.

• 44:01Mark Normand?

  No way!

• 44:02Sam Morril?

  And I couldn't because they did a show on Thanksgiving night.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  They did?

• 44:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they were like, you know, you have to do a show that night. I was like, really? They're like, yeah. Not a happy bunch out.

• 44:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  Not that they've got nothing to be grateful for.

• 44:15Sam Morril?

  Especially after my set.

• 44:18Sam Morril?

  Jeez, no, no, it was, it actually wasn't a horrible crowd because they, if you're out on Thanksgiving. And it makes some sense because like, you go to a movie sometimes Thanksgiving night with the folks, right?

• 44:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but my Thanksgiving was always awkward growing up because my mom is the most giving, jovial lady. So she'd be at the, uh, CVS and she's like, what are you doing tonight, sugar? And the lady's like, I got nothing. And, and she'd be like, come over. So we'd have all these, like a bus driver, a CVS lady, the mailman was there.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Guy who's just holding a knife.

• 44:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah. We had nothing in common. We had the other guy who was fucking my mom, my dad's there. It was always an awkward Thanksgiving, but it was fun. It was nice. It was the spirit.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  And how far away is Thanksgiving from now?

• 44:57Mark Normand?

  November sixteenth, seventeenth.

• 45:00Sam Morril?

  No, it's not. It's like the twenty-fifth. It's like the twenty-eighth or something.

• 45:02Mark Normand?

  It changes every year. It's like MLK's birthday. Hold on, twenty seventh, that was way off.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  Oh. Also Thanksgiving's like, and I know you, I, you know, I've been walking around New York, I know like some of your Christmas decorations that are at Macy's. Thanksgiving's like a really good holiday to just

• 45:20Mark Normand?

  Eat.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Stop people from celebrating Christmas too fucking early. We don't have the stopgap in the UK. The second Halloween decorations are down, it's fucking Christmas in Scotland.

• 45:30Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  People are like, cause, cause we got no buffer.

• 45:33Sam Morril?

  Right. I would say from Thanksgiving, like the Wednesday on Thanksgiving through the end of the year.

• 45:39Mark Normand?

  Christmas.

• 45:40Sam Morril?

  Might be the most hardcore drinking.

• 45:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, yes, so true.

• 45:44Sam Morril?

  It's, it's like, not, now I'll take a little of that.

• 45:46Mark Normand?

  It's cause it's all about excess. It's about overeating, overdrinking, over family, over love.

• 45:51Sam Morril?

  Well, also, it's like, it makes sense, it's such a heavy drinking holiday. There's, there's always a couple of people at that table that you're like, I need a fucking drink to be around this.

• 45:58Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 45:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I kind of admire the, you know, the idea of like, you know, it's such a traditional thing to spend this time with your family when you fucking hate them.

• 46:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Um, cause yeah, we just don't, I mean, we got, that's kind of Christmas for us, but I guess Thanksgiving is just pure family over here, isn't it?

• 46:18Mark Normand?

  But, but Thanksgiving, I mean, Thanksgiving was a good transition. To go from Halloween to Christmas, you're going from like ghouls, goblins and scary to Santa.

• 46:29Speaker 02

  Santa and Jesus, remember it's his birthday, the Christ, of Christ our Lord.

• 46:34Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 46:35Sam Morril?

  Planes, trains and automobiles. Perfect, perfect Thanksgiving movie.

• 46:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  Do you know what, do you know what, this is legitimate. One of the best Christmas movies of all time.

• 46:46Sam Morril?

  The perfect jean has redefined what jeans can be. No more crushed nuts or saggy diaper butts, just pure soft stretchy perfection. Life's too short for denim that fights your every step of the way. Yeah, I mean, come on.

• 46:59Mark Normand?

  Wearing it right now.

• 47:00Sam Morril?

  What do we, I mean, they look great on you, by the way.

• 47:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they look great, they feel great.

• 47:03Sam Morril?

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• 47:33Mark Normand?

  Take a pair.

• 47:33Sam Morril?

  They look good.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  They're good and I got khakis too and they're both great.

• 47:36Sam Morril?

  If you got baggy ones, I like a little baggy. I'm sick of the tight jeans.

• 47:40Mark Normand?

  I agree. I wore them on my special.

• 47:42Sam Morril?

  They're too, I'm, in my Netflix special, I'm wearing the tightest jeans ever and I was like, I look like, I think I'm a fucking rock star and I look, and I sure as fuck ain't, so it doesn't look cool.

• 47:51Mark Normand?

  Right. You want a little bit of movement.

• 47:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, so yeah, hey, I'd like some, uh, perfect jeans, guys, if you're listening. For a limited time, uh, and baggy. Waist side 32. Thanks. Our listeners get 15% off their first order plus free shipping for theperfectjean.nyc or Google theperfectjean and use code DRUNK15 for 15% off. That's 15% off for new customers at theperfectjean.nyc with promo code DRUNK15 after your purchase. They'll ask you what you heard about them. Tell them we sent you.

• 48:19Mark Normand?

  Yeehaw. Hims. Confidence shouldn't be complicated. Through Hims, you can skip the guesswork and get access to care that actually fits your lifestyle. Straightforward, stress-free, and designed around you. Hims offers online access to prescription treatment options for ED like Hardman's and Sex Prescriptions, plus Climax Control if prescribed. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. Hims brings extra care straight to you, 100% online, with personalized treatment plans. It's your health and your goals put first with real medical providers making sure you get what you need to see results. We love Hims. It's great. I got the, I got everything for Hims. Like the ED, the hair.

• 49:03Sam Morril?

  I gotta get some of this ED stuff. I mean, my dick's working, but I could use a bump.

• 49:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 49:08Sam Morril?

  I wanna feel the, I wanna feel the, the boost.

• 49:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 49:11Sam Morril?

  Hims, Hims, hook it up.

• 49:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, as you get older, that boost is more and more needed.

• 49:16Sam Morril?

  I need some recovery time, too.

• 49:17Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 49:18Sam Morril?

  I ain't worried. It's the hangovers, nutting. Either way, I'm like, I'm not bouncing back like I used to.

• 49:22Mark Normand?

  And these ladies can just turn it over, you know?

• 49:24Sam Morril?

  I know. And before long, they're not gonna need us. They're gonna go to younger guys.

• 49:28Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 49:28Sam Morril?

  They already are. Our days are numbered, Mark.

• 49:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, we got the robots, thank God.

• 49:33Sam Morril?

  Thank God.

• 49:34Mark Normand?

  To get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hims.com/drunk. That's hims.com/drunk for your free online visit. Hims.com/drunk. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve of. Verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, important safety information.

• 50:00Speaker 02

  Is Daddy's Home 2?

• 50:01Sam Morril?

  Is it? Is that Will Ferrell?

• 50:03Speaker 02

  Unfortunately, Mel Gibson's in that movie.

• 50:06Sam Morril?

  And John Lithgow.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:08Mark Normand?

  He definitely celebrates Christmas.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  He's like, "They killed one? Yeah!"

• 50:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, man, who's that? Ambrosia? I'll check it out.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, John Cena's in it, so...

• 50:21Mark Normand?

  Liam Neeson's in it? Holy shit!

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:24Mark Normand?

  I've never even heard of this movie.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Is he? Oh, yeah, I've not watched, I don't think I've watched Daddy's Home 1.

• 50:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  And it's not crucial to the story, but Daddy's Home 2 is so fucking funny.

• 50:35Mark Normand?

  Hannibal. Bobby Catavalli? Holy moly.

• 50:37Sam Morril?

  This is a stacked cast. Yeah, I liked, uh...

• 50:39Mark Normand?

  Bill Burr? Is this right?

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:42Mark Normand?

  Tony V?

• 50:43Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I think they cut a lot of Bill's stuff out, but there is a bit of a minute, yeah, yeah.

• 50:48Sam Morril?

  What about, wait, what's another Christmas movie that you, that you love?

• 50:51Speaker 02

  Uh, one that came out a couple of years ago, which like, I, I love Christmas movies. I love Christmas.

• 50:57Sam Morril?

  Me too.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  I've got like, you know, it's a big thing, if you watch Klaus?

• 51:00Mark Normand?

  Yes, animated.

• 51:02Speaker 02

  Oh, my fucking...

• 51:03Mark Normand?

  It's great!

• 51:04Sam Morril?

  I've never heard of it.

• 51:05Mark Normand?

  Norm MacDonald's in that.

• 51:06Speaker 02

  I am, uh, fucking, and Norm, yeah, Norm MacDonald is the voice of the fucking boat.

• 51:10Mark Normand?

  Boat Driver.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  Um, I will watch, I will watch that movie.

• 51:13Mark Normand?

  Dude, I thought I was alone. I watched this randomly on Netflix as a, as a fluke.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  I couldn't believe it's not one of the bigger Christmas movies.

• 51:21Mark Normand?

  It's so good.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  It is fucking excellent.

• 51:24Mark Normand?

  And it's got a great message.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 51:26Mark Normand?

  It's really smart.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  Really funny, really nice, really sweet.

• 51:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:29Speaker 02

  It's one of the many Christmas movies that I cry to, but I cry at most movies because I'm a big loser.

• 51:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:34Sam Morril?

  That's where, I think that's where it's appropriate for men to let it out.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, Christmas movies?

• 51:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, oh, no, any movie.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:39Sam Morril?

  So you like, you let it out there and you're like...

• 51:41Speaker 02

  One of the big crying movies for me, where I will like, gush and weep pathetically.

• 51:46Mark Normand?

  Showgirls?

• 51:47Speaker 02

  Showgirls.

• 51:48Mark Normand?

  Elizabeth Burke?

• 51:49Speaker 02

  The Greatest Showman. Head and Fingers. Uh, no.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  Warrior. Have you seen Warrior?

• 51:57Sam Morril?

  I heard it's amazing.

• 51:58Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute.

• 51:59Sam Morril?

  It's Tom Hardy.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  Tom Hardy, the cage flight movie.

• 52:01Sam Morril?

  Someone just told me it's great.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  It went so under the radar because it's like, it's a deck flick. It's just, people thought it was just a fucking UFC movie.

• 52:08Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 52:09Speaker 02

  Nick Noll was absolutely robbed of an Oscar in this movie.

• 52:12Mark Normand?

  Oh shit.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  It is, and it makes me weep.

• 52:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 52:18Speaker 02

  Excellent.

• 52:19Sam Morril?

  I gotta see this.

• 52:20Speaker 02

  Brian Callen plays Joe Rogan.

• 52:21Mark Normand?

  No way.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, because it's just a UFC commentator. They almost couldn't get Rogan, so Brian Callen just does his best.

• 52:28Sam Morril?

  I wonder if Rogan regrets not doing it because he loves the UFC so much.

• 52:32Mark Normand?

  I know, that'd be like if I couldn't do the movie and you played me.

• 52:36Mark Normand?

  Wow, weird.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  And if there were some pretty hefty allegations about you.

• 52:43Mark Normand?

  Wow, alright, I'll watch this.

• 52:45Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 52:47Sam Morril?

  I got a movie rec for you guys.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 52:48Sam Morril?

  And I've, I've seen it before, but it's not a holiday movie. I just rewatched it on Sunday.

• 52:54Sam Morril?

  Have you ever seen You Can Count on Me? The movie, it's with Mark Ruffalo and Laura Linney. It's fucking amazing.

• 53:00Mark Normand?

  I've seen the cover, I think.

• 53:01Sam Morril?

  It's so good.

• 53:03Mark Normand?

  Okay, she's always great.

• 53:04Sam Morril?

  Dude, that playwright Kenneth Lonergan did it. It's fucking great. It's like a very slow burn kind of a...

• 53:11Speaker 02

  Oh wow, 95 on Raw on TV.

• 53:13Sam Morril?

  It's so good.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  And that looks old, that looks like a very young Mark Ruffalo.

• 53:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's from like the early 2000s probably.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  Oh, pre 9/11?

• 53:20Mark Normand?

  Culkin.

• 53:21Sam Morril?

  He's amazing, he's a little kid in it.

• 53:23Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 53:24Sam Morril?

  It's, it's an amazing movie.

• 53:26Mark Normand?

  Wow, never heard of it.

• 53:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, huge rec.

• 53:28Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 53:29Sam Morril?

  Slow burn dramedy, some really sad parts, some really funny parts.

• 53:33Mark Normand?

  If you want to cry, watch, uh, this is a bummer of a movie, but, uh, my, The Perfect Neighbor? It's on Netflix right now, it's still in the top 10.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  Oh, I just, I just watched it.

• 53:43Mark Normand?

  Dude, I fucking wept like a fat girl.

• 53:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, unbelievable.

• 53:47Mark Normand?

  It was bad.

• 53:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:48Sam Morril?

  Do they weep harder?

• 53:50Mark Normand?

  I assume.

• 53:50Sam Morril?

  I feel like skinny people cry pretty hard.

• 53:52Mark Normand?

  No, Five Guys is closed.

• 53:55Sam Morril?

  Quince. Getting dressed for the fall should be easy. A good sweater, pants that fit, a jacket that keeps you warm. Somehow, buying those three things can cost you more than your vacation. Quince makes high-quality staples using premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere. That's a good cashmere, I guess.

• 54:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:13Sam Morril?

  Organic cotton, merino wool. You know I love merino wool.

• 54:16Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 54:17Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 54:20Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 54:20Sam Morril?

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at 60 bucks. That's wild. They also have premium down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor. Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably ethical.

• 54:47Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 54:48Sam Morril?

  I, I wear their shit all the time.

• 54:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 54:50Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. I, it's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I, I love it. And I like what, like, when it's not the logo everywhere on it.

• 54:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 54:59Sam Morril?

  It's got, it's got everything going for it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK as well. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was We Might Be Drunk. It's the best way to support the show. Quince!

• 55:19Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  I agree with you. Like, it's a really, really hard fucking documentary.

• 55:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  Very, very fucking emotional. It highlights a lot of problems. Uh, it's very easy to misinterpret, like, the reason that she's the perfect neighbor is because she kills a black woman.

• 55:34Mark Normand?

  I didn't, I didn't even think about that.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  I, I was like, you gotta, you gotta call this something else. Like, it's a, it's a woman.

• 55:41Mark Normand?

  The person next door is like, she really is.

• 55:43Speaker 02

  The perfect neighbor. She, yeah, I was like, I was like, oh, it's the worst thing to call her.

• 55:48Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  What did she do? She killed a black mother of four. The perfect neighbor, that is.

• 55:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, but so sad, crazy story, real story down in Florida, unreal, bananas.

• 56:02Sam Morril?

  Damn, Florida's where, that's where all this, it all happened in Florida, what is that?

• 56:06Mark Normand?

  You got that right.

• 56:07Sam Morril?

  A lot of wackos.

• 56:09Mark Normand?

  It's Scientologists, it's Jews, it's Cubans, it's old people.

• 56:12Sam Morril?

  Old people who've done, they're done caring.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:16Sam Morril?

  I mean, look at a place like Key West, it's like all these, it was like in list documentaries, like all the broken toys live here.

• 56:21Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 56:22Speaker 02

  It's people going down there and just deciding, I'm gonna let God try and kill me with the sun while I kill myself with alcohol.

• 56:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  It's like, it's just a very personal race to Jesus.

• 56:35Mark Normand?

  By the way, Jingle All the Way holds up.

• 56:37Sam Morril?

  It's so underrated.

• 56:38Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 56:40Sam Morril?

  So, Michael Lawrence and I talk about this all the time.

• 56:42Mark Normand?

  Great movie.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  It's, it's the only movie that I will absolutely accept a modern remake of.

• 56:48Sam Morril?

  Not that one, Jesus Christ.

• 56:50Mark Normand?

  That's Larry the Cable Guy.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  There needs to be a Jingle All the Way 2, and it needs to be-

• 56:53Sam Morril?

  There is a Jingle All the Way 2 apparently, with Larry the Cable Guy.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Oh, no, it needs to be Dwayne The Rock Johnson playing the grown up son of Sinbad.

• 57:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Eh, it's him growing up, he's got that attitude towards Christmas, he needs it to be perfect, The Rock hasn't done a Christmas movie yet? Oh no, he has, he's done that fucking shitty one with, um, eh, Ryan-

• 57:15Sam Morril?

  So then, so then maybe, so maybe Schwarzenegger's son grew up and he's like the weak guy.

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 57:20Sam Morril?

  That's it, alright.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  That's the pitch, and also, I don't, I don't wanna be in this movie, just Red One, that was it.

• 57:26Mark Normand?

  Red One, yeah.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  Stank, absolutely stank, honked of come.

• 57:29Sam Morril?

  Dude, Schwarzenegger fucking rules.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  I love him, I love him.

• 57:32Sam Morril?

  And Sinbad is so fucking- Remember when Sinbad showed up at your special?

• 57:35Mark Normand?

  Yes, yeah, that was weird.

• 57:37Sam Morril?

  We were just at an after-party for Mark's special and Sinbad shows up.

• 57:40Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 57:40Sam Morril?

  He, he didn't know it was a special, he was just at the bar.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  Crazy.

• 57:44Sam Morril?

  We were just like hanging out, we're like, is that fucking Sinbad?

• 57:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was cool.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  Any comedian who's so famous, they can go by one name, is, is excellent. Oh yeah, and fucking, eh, Murder Suicide.

• 57:57Mark Normand?

  Phil Hartman.

• 57:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:58Mark Normand?

  He's awesome.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Was.

• 58:00Mark Normand?

  Was.

• 58:01Sam Morril?

  God, he was the best.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:02Mark Normand?

  So funny. But yeah, good movie, good Christmas film. They don't really make them, do they? We keep watching Love Actually over and over.

• 58:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God. It's so bad.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  Oh, and the older you get, the worse it is. Hey, that's not a chick flick. There's some excellent chick flicks.

• 58:17Sam Morril?

  There are, but that's not one of them.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  No.

• 58:19Sam Morril?

  It's a bad chick flick.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Crazy, crazy, stupid love.

• 58:21Sam Morril?

  That's a really good movie.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  One of the all-time great chick flicks.

• 58:22Sam Morril?

  That's a good movie. But I don't think that's a chick flick. I think that's just like a funny rom-com.

• 58:26Mark Normand?

  It's a rom-com.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  Rom-coms are chick flicks.

• 58:30Sam Morril?

  They don't have to be.

• 58:31Speaker 02

  I, I, look, I agree with you, but as, as toxic men.

• 58:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah. No, that's a good movie, dude.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Eh, oh, I'll, I'll tell you, and unironically, unironically, one of the best chick, eh, chick flicks, rom-coms, um.

• 58:45Mark Normand?

  Two Girls, One Cup.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  Fifty. It's a rom-com.

• 58:49Mark Normand?

  That is chicks only.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  Eh, Fifty First Dates.

• 58:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's good.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 58:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, I never watched that one.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 58:56Mark Normand?

  I just assumed it was horse shit.

• 58:57Sam Morril?

  No, it's good.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  No, it's, it's one of, look, I love, I, I stan Adam Sandler.

• 59:02Mark Normand?

  I like Adam Sandler.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  He was everything I grew up with and.

• 59:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:06Speaker 02

  There was a period where I was like, oh, I don't understand why he occasionally makes the occasional shitty movie, and then you become like a thirty-year-old, and I'm like, if a studio offered me this amount of money to make a movie, all I would do is be like.

• 59:16Sam Morril?

  With all your best friends.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're like, it's on Hawaii.

• 59:19Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Our wives play all the extras, all my friends come out. I mean, if I was Adam Sandler, I would have dropped Rob Schneider at this point, and not even, not even as an actor, just as, with a fucking punch. I would have been like.

• 59:32Mark Normand?

  That's how loyal he is.

• 59:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I've got to admire him.

• 59:35Sam Morril?

  Adam's the fucking best.

• 59:36Mark Normand?

  Uh, that's his wife on the right, in the brunette.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's, plays his wife in a.

• 59:42Mark Normand?

  Big daddy.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  Which, which I respect, but also surely, surely one of the good things about being a fucking actor is.

• 59:50Mark Normand?

  Kissing other women.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a free, that's why he made.

• 59:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but he's not that good a marriage.

• 59:55Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  But man, it made sense to me why Adam Sandler was like, and this role is played by Jennifer Aniston. You're like, yeah, I'll fucking bet it is, man. Fucking, Jesus Christ, I'd ever play my mom if I could get close to it.

• 1:00:07Mark Normand?

  Play the babysitter.

• 1:00:09Sam Morril?

  This is a wacky comedy. Why is there a simulation for a blowjob in this scene?

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  Why am I jerking off?

• 1:00:14Sam Morril?

  This is weird.

• 1:00:18Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah, what's a, you ever seen Serendipity?

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:00:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, pretty good chick flick. Pretty good chick flick.

• 1:00:24Sam Morril?

  I love that one.

• 1:00:25Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:00:26Speaker 02

  Ten Things I Hate About You.

• 1:00:27Sam Morril?

  We've seen a lot of movies.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  Ten Things I Hate About You. It's a fucking excellent goddamn movie.

• 1:00:31Sam Morril?

  Dude, that's when I was like, oh, Heath Ledger's a fucking star.

• 1:00:33Mark Normand?

  Taming of the Shrew.

• 1:00:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:00:35Sam Morril?

  Everything's Shakespeare.

• 1:00:36Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:00:37Sam Morril?

  Everything's something, you know.

• 1:00:39Mark Normand?

  I just learned Lion King was Hamlet.

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:00:42Mark Normand?

  That took me a second.

• 1:00:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, everything is something.

• 1:00:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Sam Morril?

  Everything, it's all, we act like every, you know, we get mad about remakes. We're like, well, at least that's like a spin on IP.

• 1:00:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:00:53Sam Morril?

  At least that's like, you're like, okay, that's like a little more sneaky with it.

• 1:00:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:57Sam Morril?

  As opposed to like another Transformers or another, you know.

• 1:01:00Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  Transformers is also Macbeth.

• 1:01:03Sam Morril?

  That was Macbeth.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  It's so, it's so far away.

• 1:01:09Mark Normand?

  It's Othello.

• 1:01:11Sam Morril?

  Jingle of the Web was actually Romeo and Juliet. It was a...

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  What's really astonishing about this is you can tell that there's three comics desperate to make really good puns here, but none of us know enough about Shakespeare.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  It's just like, our want for there to be a punchline is limited by our absolute lack of fucking knowledge.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  What did Romeo, did Romeo and Juliet give that away?

• 1:01:32Sam Morril?

  Othello, something?

• 1:01:34Mark Normand?

  Bernie Macbeth?

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, there we go.

• 1:01:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, remember that? They did like Black Othello?

• 1:01:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, did they? I didn't know that. Othello or Othello? All right. You know, West Side Story, that's Romeo and Juliet as well.

• 1:01:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Mark Normand?

  My Own Private Idaho, I didn't know those were all...

• 1:01:53Sam Morril?

  Also, well, yeah, they do, they do a little nod to Macbeth in My Own Private Idaho. They do like, they do it the exact same way it's shot with the Orson Welles Macbeth.

• 1:02:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:02:02Sam Morril?

  I know some weird fucking Orson Welles shit.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  This is similar to the fact that like, I read a lot of fantasy books, and every single fantasy book is just an allegory for Jesus Christ.

• 1:02:12Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  It's always, there's one guy.

• 1:02:14Mark Normand?

  The Matrix.

• 1:02:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's all Jesus, it's all Jeebus.

• 1:02:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  And it's all that.

• 1:02:18Sam Morril?

  Do Spigot Mele Jiggle Oats, Jesus Christ. That was Jesus Christ.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but we're like, oh, could we actually, could we, I know, I know the whole message, but could we specifically crucify this one last year? I know, I know it's the wrong time.

• 1:02:34Sam Morril?

  You're gonna hate me.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's, it's Rob Schneider though. If there's one Jew, if there's one Jew that we can all agree on, that like, and look, maybe he's also dying for our sins this time. Maybe, you know.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  Fuck it, maybe he can just die for his own goddamn sins. Claiming that children's hospitals didn't exist.

• 1:02:56Mark Normand?

  Wait, what?

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  It came out as like, children's hospitals didn't exist when I was a kid, because, because kids weren't getting sick. The first hospital, it just an easily.

• 1:03:07Sam Morril?

  Polio didn't exist.

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  An easily Google-able lie.

• 1:03:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  Where you're just like, when was the first child hospital in America?

• 1:03:13Sam Morril?

  Well, that's the thing.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  Eighteen seventy-six, shut the fuck up.

• 1:03:16Sam Morril?

  But hyperbole is what gets engagement. And that's why people, and then it goes from hyperbole to like, a real fucking lie. And then it just keeps working. There's enough people like, what the fuck?

• 1:03:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:27Sam Morril?

  Surely, most people didn't believe that, but.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  I, I think every time you post something like that, I think there should be like a public fucking rating of your social media accounts. So like, in the same way that I walked down the street in New York, I can tell the, had the safety listing of all the buildings, because it's posted right there.

• 1:03:43Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:03:44Speaker 02

  And you can see how the food is.

• 1:03:45Sam Morril?

  The safety list?

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  No, the, the food, the.

• 1:03:47Mark Normand?

  The rating.

• 1:03:48Sam Morril?

  Oh, the rate, yeah, the, uh, health code, yeah.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, the health code, sorry. So I walked out and I'm like, well, that's got it now, that's got it now, these are all good ones I'll go into. I think it'd be great if on social media, they're like, this guy's lied so many fucking times. He has a social media rating of fucking F. You can still follow him, you can still consume it, but we've checked everything he said. And most of it was bullshit. And also, he clearly half's paint.

• 1:04:12Mark Normand?

  Well, we'd have no politicians if that was the case.

• 1:04:14Sam Morril?

  He's just at dinner one night, he's like, I got a day. A masterpiece.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I've genuinely never watched any Cosby's.

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's one of the best specials of all time.

• 1:04:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, look, you gotta do some separation here.

• 1:04:26Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:04:27Sam Morril?

  Wait, is it a sixty-seven from critics?

• 1:04:29Mark Normand?

  Well, they have to.

• 1:04:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the reason why.

• 1:04:32Sam Morril?

  No, but you can't have revisionist history on what's a good stand-up. Although, I guess the hard thing is, he did name it himself.

• 1:04:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, you can't, like, if you-

• 1:04:39Mark Normand?

  It's hard to separate, right?

• 1:04:41Speaker 02

  If, if, when was the last time you watched Raw? Because-

• 1:04:44Sam Morril?

  No, there's a few. The Cosby's whole thing is he was clean. I was like, kind of, you know-

• 1:04:48Mark Normand?

  The hippo cut the par.

• 1:04:49Speaker 02

  And that's not to be smug, fucking Raw, but the first ten minutes of Eddie Murphy's Raw, you're like, "Oh, I, yep, okay."

• 1:04:56Mark Normand?

  It's wild.

• 1:04:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, he's just coming out being like, I'm not-

• 1:04:59Sam Morril?

  There's some, there's still some great bits in there, though.

• 1:05:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's a great special.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that first ten minutes is him coming out and saying, "I'm not gonna let any of you [bleep] fuck me." And you're like, "Hoo boy, hey!"

• 1:05:10Sam Morril?

  Which, by the way, that's not how straight dudes talk.

• 1:05:12Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:05:14Mark Normand?

  It's that?

• 1:05:18Sam Morril?

  It's just a weird thing to say.

• 1:05:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. But he was dressed in skintight leather, that doesn't help.

• 1:05:23Sam Morril?

  Which is not how straight guys dress.

• 1:05:24Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's a good point.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  I'm buzzing for the fucking, the Murphy documentary that's coming to Netflix.

• 1:05:30Sam Morril?

  It looks amazing. Is he doing that instead of the stand-up special?

• 1:05:33Mark Normand?

  Because there was a period where he was gonna do a stand-up special. I know. He, he can't do it because he has, gonna have to bomb for a year.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:40Sam Morril?

  You have to be, as we said, you have to be a cripple.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Sam Morril?

  Right?

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  I don't know if this is true, but what I'd always heard about, like, Chris Rock, the blue, my, mind, I, I hope this is true. Whenever he was doing new material, if he was at The Cellar or The Improv or whatever, he would purposely eat shit and do awful jokes for like, the first five minutes, so that like, the audiences, because like, for the first three minutes, if you're Chris Rock, the audience are laughing at anything, everything, whether it's funny or not. And he knew that, so he would purposely do like, ten, five to ten minutes of shit stuff, so that the audience were so bored, and they're like, "Oh my god, Chris Rock's up." And then he'd go into his actual material, because then he'd get a real gauge of it.

• 1:06:19Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:06:19Speaker 02

  And if that's true, that requires a level of fucking ego-

• 1:06:22Sam Morril?

  That's some Jedi shit.

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  That I cannot, I could, my, my fucking narcissism-

• 1:06:27Sam Morril?

  I don't know if that's true.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  Would never-

• 1:06:28Sam Morril?

  But what's the first thing Rock says when he goes on stage at The Cellar?

• 1:06:31Mark Normand?

  Lower your expectations.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Mark Normand?

  But he does also read off a thing and not do the big shtick, like the big act outs.

• 1:06:39Sam Morril?

  It would be, it would be insincere to do that, that level of theatrics in a room as small as a cellar.

• 1:06:45Mark Normand?

  And do a new shit, new ideas.

• 1:06:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we don't have the confidence for like the cadence yet, but yeah, he'll, he'll kind of almost do it deadpan.

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Sam Morril?

  Which is actually really fun to watch, cause you're like, oh, he's just letting the joke do all the work here. There's no performing really. But yeah, he's fun to watch work out. He's one of my favorites to watch work out.

• 1:07:01Mark Normand?

  Cause you get the real, the real idea.

• 1:07:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, I'd love to watch him do new.

• 1:07:04Mark Normand?

  He's at the cellar? I saw him the other, the other night. So he's, he's around. Are you, are you popping on this week?

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  No, I'm eh, I'm, I might pop eh, it's eh, I always, man, I love the cellar and I've only ever been looked after there by like the staff.

• 1:07:18Sam Morril?

  You should come by, dude.

• 1:07:20Mark Normand?

  I got a show tonight.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  I just, I feel like, I don't know, it feels, I, I, I always just feel like an imposter whenever I'm there.

• 1:07:26Mark Normand?

  Come on, do my show.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  And it's nothing, nobody else has made me fucking feel that way, but just like, I've, I've done gigs there, I've had great gigs there.

• 1:07:32Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  The staff, the staff have invited me out to like the, the birthday parties and stuff. I've only ever been, I love, I love the cellar. Nothing but eh, compliment, compliments. Um, but yeah, I always, it fucking intimidates me being there, I feel.

• 1:07:46Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. Just because, because you've, coming from Scotland and like, growing up on like standup, cause the only standup culture you hear about is standup culture in America. Because you know, our scene just isn't as old. And like, there was that first time when I was like, oh my God, I'm fucking, I'm sat at the table.

• 1:08:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  Like, which is like the thing.

• 1:08:02Sam Morril?

  That's how we felt the one when we were new there, right? Remember how nervous we used to be?

• 1:08:05Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  It's the only thing you hear about in the fucking podcast. It's like sitting at the table is a big deal. And the first time I sat there, it felt like amazing. And then I, I don't know, just every time I'm just like, I still just feel like I didn't earn my place in the cellar, cause I did my career everywhere else. I think it's maybe part of that.

• 1:08:21Mark Normand?

  You have plenty of the half of them. Get over there.

• 1:08:24Speaker 02

  Like I'm, I'm allowed to pop up, I'm allowed to fucking pop up.

• 1:08:26Sam Morril?

  You're a road dog. It's, it's.

• 1:08:28Mark Normand?

  You're a real comic.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I'm a European road dog. I'm not even a live, like a real American road dog.

• 1:08:32Sam Morril?

  You go everywhere, dude. You're here.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:34Sam Morril?

  And you've been doing it for fucking ever now.

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, fucking eighteen goddamn years.

• 1:08:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Mark Normand?

  Damn. Look, I'll get a bag of blow.

• 1:08:40Speaker 02

  Well, now you've got my attention.

• 1:08:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, come by anytime.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Are you guys up this week?

• 1:08:48Sam Morril?

  I'm there tonight.

• 1:08:49Mark Normand?

  I'm there tonight as well.

• 1:08:50Sam Morril?

  I'm there every night, actually.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  Okay, well, am I?

• 1:08:53Mark Normand?

  Texas.

• 1:08:53Sam Morril?

  I'm there, yeah, I think I'm there every night.

• 1:08:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:57Mark Normand?

  You can just pop in and...

• 1:08:58Sam Morril?

  Pop in. You know Liz?

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we'll fucking do it up.

• 1:09:02Mark Normand?

  Well, are you doing, you're doing like an hour around town, right? Are you doing the Soho?

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Soho, eh...

• 1:09:08Mark Normand?

  Playhouse?

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  Playhouse.

• 1:09:09Sam Morril?

  And where are you at with your new hour? How are you feeling?

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  Pretty goo- I was, I've been doing it for a bit. I was really happy with the, about, for the first like five shows I did here. And then I've sort of like, I think, you know, when you get to the point where you like, maybe you don't actually, but like, you get to the point where you're like, that's the perfect way to tell that joke. I'm just gonna tell it that way every time, which for me just makes me get bored of my material so fucking quickly. And I, which wasn't what I intended to do when I was here. So it just, yeah, it got to the, I, there was, I had great shows all weekend, but I was like, you know, when you do a good show and you don't enjoy it and you're like, right, well, there's something wrong with my material. And like, it's, eh, it's good, I, there's still not a fucking end to it.

• 1:09:52Sam Morril?

  That's part of running into the ground, I think you just, it's just part of the process, like.

• 1:09:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, aye. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but no, but no matter, I'm a comedian, no matter how many times I learn that fucking lesson, doesn't mean I ever learned that goddamn lesson.

• 1:10:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:03Speaker 02

  Eh...

• 1:10:04Sam Morril?

  No, you tell it again and again, and then you start to hate it, and then you're like, I need a new bit.

• 1:10:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:08Sam Morril?

  Hopefully something happens, cause yeah, I hate, sometimes we're doing more sets than we are writing, you know?

• 1:10:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:15Sam Morril?

  That's where you get a little crazy. And that's when you gotta live a little bit, too. But we don't ever take that advice.

• 1:10:21Speaker 02

  I'm also doing like a bit of a fucking, not a narrative, but it's a story kind of all the way through it. And then there's, I mean, there's some days you're excited to tell the story, and then there's other days I'm just like, and this podcast kicked off the fucking story. My show is about the Russell Brand thing.

• 1:10:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow!

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  Because when the documentary came out, I was the only comedian that did the documentary. And when it all came out and people were like, talking about me being the only one in the documentary, the cl- last time I was on this podcast, and we were drunk, you mentioned Russell Brand, and I was like, there's some rumors about it. Which I probably shouldn't say at the time.

• 1:10:58Sam Morril?

  Did you Hannibal Buress to his Cosby?

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the white version.

• 1:11:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the black person did it first.

• 1:11:06Sam Morril?

  Well, it's kind of like the comedy beef. Cat Williams started in the black world, then we brought it over here.

• 1:11:10Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Whoa. So is he going to jail or what?

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  He's due in court next year.

• 1:11:16Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  He's due in court next year because there's a bunch of, after the documentary came out, a lot more women felt the confidence to come forward because, you know, up until then, they were just like, well, I guess it was just a lone incident.

• 1:11:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:11:32Speaker 02

  And, yeah, which is why he's now, you know, he's over here now and he, because he needs a conspiracy theory audience. That's why he started being.

• 1:11:41Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  He started being very, eh, he, he, he started being very anti-COVID and the masks and all that stuff, not because he believed in it, but because he knew that if the mainstream media was going to accuse him of the things that he did, he needs a conspiracy theory audience who doesn't trust the mainstream media. He used to be, when, when Russell started, he was a socialist. He was talking about the dangers of late-stage capitalism. He would speak about how dangerous Fox News was and how awful Sky News was. And the fact that Rupert Murdoch told, he would talk about all this stuff, spiritual, deeply against organized religion, all this stuff. Now, now, born-again Christian at Charlie Kirk's funeral with Tucker Carlson, selling crystals to fucking idiots.

• 1:12:24Speaker 02

  Because he needs, he doesn't believe any of the things he's saying.

• 1:12:27Sam Morril?

  I bought some of those crystals.

• 1:12:29Speaker 02

  They work? How's your heartbeat?

• 1:12:31Sam Morril?

  I feel stronger. I feel a lot stronger.

• 1:12:34Mark Normand?

  I didn't know crystals span from the kooky, like hipster lady to the right wing. All there.

• 1:12:39Speaker 02

  Oh, it all, it all comes around.

• 1:12:41Mark Normand?

  It all comes around.

• 1:12:41Sam Morril?

  The far right and the far left ain't that different.

• 1:12:43Mark Normand?

  It's a horseshoe. You're right.

• 1:12:44Sam Morril?

  But, yeah, a lot of Bernie people went to Trump.

• 1:12:47Speaker 02

  Did they?

• 1:12:48Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:12:49Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true Bernie bros.

• 1:12:51Sam Morril?

  Dude, I mean, um, that's interesting that you say that about him though, because I don't know a ton about him. I really don't.

• 1:12:57Speaker 02

  Well, even if the allegations are false, he's still one of the worst comedians who's ever lived.

• 1:13:00Mark Normand?

  I never liked his comedy.

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  No, he stinks, he stinks, he fucking stinks of shit.

• 1:13:05Mark Normand?

  Stinks. And he ruined Arthur.

• 1:13:07Speaker 02

  Yes, he fucking.

• 1:13:08Sam Morril?

  That was, that was a big swing. To try to come in and do a better job than fucking Dudley Moore.

• 1:13:13Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:13:14Sam Morril?

  The original, and also fucking John Giggler, didn't he win the Oscar for the original?

• 1:13:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, I don't know.

• 1:13:19Sam Morril?

  The original is unbelievable.

• 1:13:21Mark Normand?

  It's great.

• 1:13:21Sam Morril?

  If you haven't seen the original Oscar, uh, not Oscar, Arthur. You haven't seen the original Arthur, you should watch that, it's one of the best.

• 1:13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, my, my parents made me, I think my grandparents made me watch that one.

• 1:13:30Sam Morril?

  Great script, hilarious jokes.

• 1:13:32Mark Normand?

  It's basically stand-up through the whole movie.

• 1:13:34Sam Morril?

  It's almost like a Dangerfield type, like rhythm of just great jokes.

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  Is that who fucking Liza Minnelli is? I watched that.

• 1:13:39Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Cause I've, I've always ever, I've only ever heard Liza Minnelli as a reference point for mostly gay comedians.

• 1:13:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:46Speaker 02

  And it was just something in my head that I was like, oh god.

• 1:13:48Sam Morril?

  You've seen Mateo's act?

• 1:13:49Speaker 02

  He's exactly what I'm saying.

• 1:13:54Sam Morril?

  He does a good impression of her.

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I, I love Mateo Lane.

• 1:13:59Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, he's my neighbor, I love him.

• 1:14:00Mark Normand?

  He's great.

• 1:14:00Speaker 02

  Is he?

• 1:14:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:02Speaker 02

  Thick walls?

• 1:14:04Sam Morril?

  I wish they were a little thicker.

• 1:14:07Sam Morril?

  No, that's, that was a big.

• 1:14:10Sam Morril?

  I think, uh, yeah, I think the original Arthur is incredible, that's a big swing to do that.

• 1:14:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, well, he was the golden boy for a minute, he did Sarah Marshall and all that.

• 1:14:19Sam Morril?

  He was good in that.

• 1:14:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I talk about this in the show, but he also did, did Get Him to the Greek with Jonah Hill and P Diddy.

• 1:14:25Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:14:27Speaker 02

  Seeing the, seeing the credits of that movie.

• 1:14:30Sam Morril?

  Is Jonah Hill's okay though, right?

• 1:14:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  Ah, they got, he sort of semi cancelled in the sense that like there was an ex-girlfriend who said that he was a bit of a gaslighter.

• 1:14:36Sam Morril?

  I hate that shit though.

• 1:14:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and I'm going public with texts.

• 1:14:39Sam Morril?

  I, I think it's weird when it's like, when it's like, you were in a bad relationship, let's, is everything blaseworthy now?

• 1:14:45Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 1:14:45Sam Morril?

  Like, Diddy, I'll give you Diddy.

• 1:14:47Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:14:48Speaker 02

  But it was, I think it was at the time when like, people who, white women had learned, and white men who went to therapy learned the term gaslighting.

• 1:14:55Sam Morril?

  And I'd be happy if I never heard it again.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  And it was just two years where it was like, let's throw, that's the new buzzword, let's throw it everywhere.

• 1:15:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:04Speaker 02

  I can't remember what, uh, what comedian, oh yeah, Tom Stade's, Canadian comedian who lives in the UK is great, that's one of my favorite bits. He's like, youth of the day coming up with all these new fucking terms, gaslighting is apparently really bad, back away, we used to call it lying, and that's how you got laid.

• 1:15:24Mark Normand?

  Good point, good point.

• 1:15:25Sam Morril?

  I thought that was Russell Brand.

• 1:15:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go.

• 1:15:29Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:15:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, so many comedians out there.

• 1:15:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:32Mark Normand?

  I didn't know there was this pipeline between Canada and England.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  So many, and a lot of the, many of the fucking, a lot of the comedians who I consider to be like the greats and the ones I certainly looked up to growing up was Tom Stade, Mike Wilmot, fucking Sean Collins. Um, just fucking heaps that, yeah, they just went, and they're still doing it, Catherine Ryan, Canadian, lives in the UK now.

• 1:15:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, she's big.

• 1:15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's fucking huge now.

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  Wow, I had no, you'd think you'd just go right down to the border, right down America.

• 1:16:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, but America's so hard to, it's so hard to crack.

• 1:16:08Sam Morril?

  We have friends who came here and also, also the immigration fees are insane, like it's, get a lawyer, it's crazy.

• 1:16:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point. Well, hey, shit, I thought, I talked to a guy earlier, I thought I was gonna pop in, but I guess not.

• 1:16:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:16:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Russell Brand.

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  Oh, man, I'd love to.

• 1:16:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, do you guys know each other at all?

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  Um, no, I mean, he, I mean, he knows who I am, I was the only person in the documentary. Um, and there's absolutely zero way he didn't watch it. Um, he was also the judge on Comedy Roast Battles in the UK.

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:43Speaker 02

  Where, when, again, and every comedian in the UK knew about these rumors, and again, they were only just rumors, but we all knew the rumors. When we were all on Comedy Central's roast battle, Comedy Central UK being like, nothing's off limits, this is the fucking, and they were like, none of you are allowed to do jokes about Russell Brand's sexual history.

• 1:17:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  And we all went, well, that's sus.

• 1:17:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:17:04Speaker 02

  That's a bit fucking sus to me, straight away.

• 1:17:08Sam Morril?

  You have to change rape jokes to like, he's weird looking, this guy.

• 1:17:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, or what a verbose, I guess. And then that was actually the, that was actually where Catherine Ryan like called him out.

• 1:17:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, whoa.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  But it wasn't aired. Uh, and then she spoke about it on a later show being like, there's a well-known predator.

• 1:17:28Mark Normand?

  Do you, did she make a good joke about it?

• 1:17:30Speaker 02

  Uh, no, I think she was, I mean, she was just, you know, she was like, you are.

• 1:17:34Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  Uh, and.

• 1:17:37Mark Normand?

  The crowd's waiting for a punchline like that?

• 1:17:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, cause the audience didn't fucking know.

• 1:17:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:40Speaker 02

  Like, you know, so many people didn't know, like it was, you know, one of those things where, you know, it was a, you know, open secret in the UK. Cause you'd heard the rumors, but you can't do anything with rumors. You can't go to the police with fucking rumors. Like, you know, they hate that shit.

• 1:17:57Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:17:57Sam Morril?

  Something about like a straight guy being like, acting like really gay, where it kind of turns into like a Venn diagram of like rapey.

• 1:18:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:05Sam Morril?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:18:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:06Speaker 02

  Look no further than David Williams in the UK. He's like a straight guy that pretends to be gay. And hella allegations.

• 1:18:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:17Mark Normand?

  We got a couple of straight pretending to be gay guys here.

• 1:18:20Sam Morril?

  I've been cock blocked by a few.

• 1:18:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:23Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, they're good.

• 1:18:24Mark Normand?

  They are good.

• 1:18:26Sam Morril?

  Not a comedy, but uh.

• 1:18:29Speaker 02

  I'm just a gay guy pretending to be straight.

• 1:18:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I saw, texted Jimmy Carr earlier. He's in town and he said, oh, I'll probably pop by.

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:36Mark Normand?

  But I guess not.

• 1:18:37Speaker 02

  He's fucking excellent. I've always.

• 1:18:39Mark Normand?

  He's a killer.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  He's also such, um, you know, I know, I understand some people might have some bad things to say about Jimmy. What I've noticed about him, he's one of the most supportive comics.

• 1:18:47Mark Normand?

  Agreed.

• 1:18:47Sam Morril?

  I like Jimmy.

• 1:18:48Speaker 02

  World. Um, he, I, I, I did Eight Out of Ten Cats, which is a show in the UK for the first time directly thanks to him. Like I was, I bumped into him at a gig when I was about twenty or twenty-one. And I was like, oh my God, you know, you're Jimmy Carr. And he's like, oh yeah, you're, I've heard about you, you're Dan Sloss. And he watched me do a set and like normally, obviously your agent's books everywhere and he just came up and he was like, do you wanna do Eight of Ten Cats?

• 1:19:16Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:19:17Speaker 02

  And I was like, are you fucking serious? And then, yeah, I was, I was on it, yeah.

• 1:19:22Mark Normand?

  Those shows are huge, right?

• 1:19:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, the panel shows, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  Wow, what a guy.

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  I was such a young, yeah, there I am, the third, look at that long hair, it's the third one on.

• 1:19:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's crazy.

• 1:19:33Sam Morril?

  Zoom in on this.

• 1:19:34Speaker 02

  And the other one, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's me as a fucking, yeah.

• 1:19:38Mark Normand?

  Wow, I look like Cobain or something. That's wild.

• 1:19:41Speaker 02

  The fucking Bieber haircut, man.

• 1:19:42Mark Normand?

  Holy shit, yes.

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:45Sam Morril?

  Damn, you did.

• 1:19:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that was, I mean, I've had, I've had many iterations. I'm like the worst Pokemon. There's three stages.

• 1:19:53Sam Morril?

  Look at that hair, holy shit.

• 1:19:55Speaker 02

  Three stages of my evolution and all are shit.

• 1:19:58Mark Normand?

  Are you familiar with Hanson?

• 1:20:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's wild, yeah, car, what a workhorse, I mean, this guy's writing a billion jokes, hosting this shit on the road, he's got kids.

• 1:20:09Sam Morril?

  He's on the road like a motherfucker.

• 1:20:11Mark Normand?

  Crazy schedule.

• 1:20:12Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, he had to be for a bit, he was a tax dodger.

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  Jimmy's open about this, Jimmy's been open about this, I'm not, I'm not, I would never dub Jimmy in anything, I love him. But in his show, he was like, the reason I do two shows is because, when he dodged the tax for a bit, he's like, pay him by the taxman, one show's for the taxman and one's for me.

• 1:20:32Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:20:32Speaker 02

  That's how he, that's it, yeah, yeah, and he is the, I mean, I, I, I think the hardest working man.

• 1:20:39Sam Morril?

  How do you, how are you that successful and you must have a good accountant and you, I mean, is it a conscious choice to be like, fuck you, I'm not paying taxes or whatever?

• 1:20:46Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, I have the actual, god, I don't know how much I can say on air.

• 1:20:50Mark Normand?

  I'm a hobby faddy, come on.

• 1:20:52Speaker 02

  So, the rumor is, the story is, uh, that he, um, uh, it wasn't his decision to, like, he was given an accountant.

• 1:21:06Speaker 02

  And it was sort of told to him that, because look, his tax dodging was legal. It's nothing different than the billionaires do in this country where they keep all their money offshore.

• 1:21:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:15Speaker 02

  Like, his was all sort of technically above board. And it was suggested by somebody, let's just say, somebody in his team.

• 1:21:27Mark Normand?

  Aha.

• 1:21:28Speaker 02

  Had suggested it, said it, that it would be fine. And also Jimmy loves.

• 1:21:34Mark Normand?

  Okay, no, but, yeah, you never know.

• 1:21:37Speaker 02

  Nah, nah. And I think, look, he's paid it back now. And he also had the funniest response, because when he was doing Eighty Eight Ten Cats, which is a week, like a topical news show, where they talk about the stuff in the week. They do the show, the week that it all comes out about Jimmy. And he lets the other comedians fucking roast him, because he deserves to be roasted. He knows he did wrong.

• 1:21:57Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:21:58Speaker 02

  And he gets roasted for like ten, fifteen minutes. And then John Richardson, great UK comedian, is like, all jokes aside, here's why what you did is fucking shit. Like, all poor people pay tax, and you didn't. And it's not, you know, the government will never take the money from the rich people. They'll only increase the taxes of the poorer people to make it worse. So you weren't stealing from the government, you were stealing from everyone else, which is a very, very good point. And Jimmy sits there, and he takes it, and he gets all the fucking abuse. And then he goes, you know, I could sit up here and say that I'm sorry and point to all the efforts I've made with charity over the years and all the money that I've given to charities, but I don't think lying will help my case.

• 1:22:39Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's great.

• 1:22:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, such a funny.

• 1:22:41Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:22:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:42Mark Normand?

  Damn, he kept it funny.

• 1:22:43Sam Morril?

  Gotta keep it funny when you fuck up.

• 1:22:45Speaker 02

  Well, he's just, he's the consummate.

• 1:22:47Mark Normand?

  He's the quickest, yeah.

• 1:22:48Sam Morril?

  He's quick.

• 1:22:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:49Mark Normand?

  Wow, well, good for Jimmy. He paid his debt to society and now he's back.

• 1:22:54Speaker 02

  And he loves money so much.

• 1:22:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:56Speaker 02

  For me, I got to a certain point where I was like, once, once your house is paid off, you know, how much, how much realistically do you need to earn?

• 1:23:04Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:23:04Speaker 02

  Like, once the house is paid off.

• 1:23:06Mark Normand?

  Kids are happy.

• 1:23:07Speaker 02

  Kids are happy, two cars. After that, I'm like, I'm slowing down how much I work, I'm slowing down how much I tour. Because, what is it, Jimmy Carr, I've got no doubt, he loves his kids. As much as he loves to.

• 1:23:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, but he's put half of it into his face. He's really, uh, really worked on himself, but he's open about it. He's open about it. This would be a weird time for him to walk in.

• 1:23:31Sam Morril?

  This is all fucking, this is all bullshit. He's like, I was told you weren't gonna talk about this. My face, my tax problem, these are all secrets.

• 1:23:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we've had a lot.

• 1:23:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was gonna say.

• 1:23:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I love Jimmy.

• 1:23:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, does he drink?

• 1:23:42Sam Morril?

  Did he drink with us?

• 1:23:43Mark Normand?

  I don't think he did.

• 1:23:44Sam Morril?

  Does he? I don't know if he drinks.

• 1:23:45Mark Normand?

  He might have cracked an ale, but I don't know if he touched it.

• 1:23:48Sam Morril?

  I mean, not everyone, everyone's so fucking, we get so many people being like, I don't drink. And we're just like, you don't have to. Like, we love a day off every once in a while.

• 1:23:56Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:23:57Sam Morril?

  But I mean, it's fun when people drink. But yeah, we've had people who I guess are, you know, in the program and they have a publicist who's just like, I'm not even bringing this to them. And we're like, yeah, I mean, you don't have to drink.

• 1:24:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we bet.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  Last time I did this podcast, I, I don't think, I think we started recording at like two or something. I hadn't had any lunch that day.

• 1:24:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:24:15Speaker 02

  I walked out of this room.

• 1:24:16Sam Morril?

  I remember being fucked up.

• 1:24:17Speaker 02

  Fucking cunted man. Like, that was a big, cause I think, I think you were making, like, somebody was making us like drinks and bringing them in concert.

• 1:24:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we slowed that down, cause that's, that presents a problem.

• 1:24:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. Man, the show I had that night, like, I very, I remember having to tell the audience that I'd done this podcast. I had to be like, I'm sorry.

• 1:24:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:38Speaker 02

  That I'm so drunk, but it's because I did a podcast call.

• 1:24:41Mark Normand?

  Everybody loved the episode except Russell Brand.

• 1:24:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, this is one of the, this is genuinely, like, I'm very grateful to the, the fans of this, uh, show, cause this is like my most requested one to come back on.

• 1:24:53Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 1:24:53Sam Morril?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:24:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:54Sam Morril?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:24:55Speaker 02

  And, and people are like, it was a great episode. I'm like, well, obviously I can't remember what it was, but I'm gonna trust you all when you say it was a good.

• 1:25:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:01Mark Normand?

  You made a splash. I remember you talked about the Glasgow smile, and I think it went crazy viral. It got like 10 million views.

• 1:25:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, the fucking, with the razor blades on the other side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, I don't know if we've got any other good Scottish violence stories since then, but it's not, it's not like we've calmed down.

• 1:25:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:17Speaker 02

  Um, you obviously know about the Glasgow kiss.

• 1:25:20Mark Normand?

  What's that?

• 1:25:21Speaker 02

  It's just a headbutt.

• 1:25:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's fun.

• 1:25:23Speaker 02

  That's what it's, we call it Glasgow kisses. Somebody gets it, because like a law of Scotland.

• 1:25:27Sam Morril?

  Makes asking a woman for consent kinda weird.

• 1:25:30Speaker 02

  A lot of Scotland is like, do you know what squaring up means?

• 1:25:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:33Speaker 02

  Like if you're squaring up to someone, the Scottish, you wanna fight, you wanna fight Glasgow, Kestrel, just shut up.

• 1:25:39Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:25:40Speaker 02

  Just straight in.

• 1:25:41Sam Morril?

  A headbutt hardcore.

• 1:25:42Speaker 02

  I was just talking about this on Ed Soder's podcast.

• 1:25:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:45Speaker 02

  He brought it up, but yeah, it's.

• 1:25:46Sam Morril?

  You made the rounds, man.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, also, man, I love, I think Dan Soder's is fucking so goddamn.

• 1:25:54Sam Morril?

  He's about to blow up, I think.

• 1:25:55Speaker 02

  Drew Maguire, of course he does, of course he does.

• 1:25:59Sam Morril?

  Do you claim more England or Scotland at this point?

• 1:26:02Speaker 02

  Scotland.

• 1:26:03Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:26:04Speaker 02

  Fuck the English.

• 1:26:06Speaker 02

  Fuck the English. And I say this as somebody who, half my family's English, I would say ninety percent of my friends are English, a lot of my fans are English, I love going to England before, performing. There's so many beautiful places, you know, I love it.

• 1:26:20Sam Morril?

  How about Liverpool, dude?

• 1:26:21Speaker 02

  Fuck England to death. Oh, Liverpool?

• 1:26:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's fucking great.

• 1:26:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:24Sam Morril?

  The Hot Water Comedy Club?

• 1:26:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:25Sam Morril?

  Your post was there when I was there, I was like, that's my buddy right there.

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, Hot Water, Hot Water Dead was really, really exceptional in that they were like the first comedy club in the UK to have that little fucking camera that recorded everything.

• 1:26:41Sam Morril?

  Ah.

• 1:26:41Speaker 02

  And for their host, Paul Smith, who's now one of the most famous comedians in the UK, like sells out multiple, multiple arenas regularly. The reason he's famous, because he was just their resident emcee, and they would just film all of his stuff, because it's all on crowd work. They would just cut his stuff up, put it online, and he blew the fuck up, like so. In the same way that, like, I've always said that you guys, at least from my perspective, from the UK, you guys were like some of the first comedians over here to do the.

• 1:27:11Sam Morril?

  Clips?

• 1:27:12Speaker 02

  Clips.

• 1:27:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:12Speaker 02

  At a time where beforehand, people were like, there was a sort of snootiness to like, oh, you know, I'm not doing this, I'm not burning this. And then you guys did it, and you fucking smashed it, and then the game changed after that. Our equivalent of that in the UK was very much what?

• 1:27:25Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:27:26Speaker 02

  Paul Smith and Hot Water Dead. So I love that club.

• 1:27:28Sam Morril?

  I loved it.

• 1:27:29Speaker 02

  It's so good.

• 1:27:30Sam Morril?

  I want to go back.

• 1:27:31Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:27:31Sam Morril?

  I was like, this is, it felt like.

• 1:27:34Mark Normand?

  Comedy on State, Denver Comedy Awards.

• 1:27:35Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. Comedy on State's a fucking great one.

• 1:27:39Mark Normand?

  Epic.

• 1:27:39Speaker 02

  It's just, and again, I love Liverpool and I make fun of them all the time. It's such a shame about the horrific accent. It truly is. Truly.

• 1:27:47Sam Morril?

  It's amazing. It takes you a second. You're like, you're like, wait, what?

• 1:27:51Speaker 02

  Was that actually fucking English? Liverpool is very lucky that Birmingham exists. For the worst accent in the UK. But for those who might not know, Birmingham's the fucking Peaky Blinders accent. And god, does it make me racist.

• 1:28:07Sam Morril?

  I guess it's like, for here, it'd be like a real deep southern accent or something.

• 1:28:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:12Speaker 02

  No, you, I'm a foreigner, man. There's a fucking charm to the southern accent.

• 1:28:16Sam Morril?

  I mean, to us too, but it's still fucking, it's, it is funny when you see like a real thick one, you're like, what?

• 1:28:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:21Speaker 02

  How many generations ago did you own slaves? That's what I wanna know.

• 1:28:25Mark Normand?

  Just one.

• 1:28:28Speaker 02

  We're bringing it back, baby.

• 1:28:31Mark Normand?

  I didn't, I, cause I, I didn't know about this Paul, is it Paul Smith?

• 1:28:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:28:34Mark Normand?

  Uh, I did the podcast in Liverpool. Is it Mike Rowe?

• 1:28:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, I love those guys.

• 1:28:38Mark Normand?

  Adam Rowe.

• 1:28:39Sam Morril?

  Adam Rowe, yeah, those guys.

• 1:28:40Mark Normand?

  Great pod.

• 1:28:40Sam Morril?

  Those guys are awesome. I did it too.

• 1:28:42Speaker 02

  The Have a Word pod.

• 1:28:43Sam Morril?

  I loved it.

• 1:28:44Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:28:45Speaker 02

  Again, the, came from fucking Liverpool. Yeah.

• 1:28:48Mark Normand?

  Great guys.

• 1:28:49Speaker 02

  They were the first ones that sort of went, we're gonna take the American podcast format, which was working for fucking everyone. Especially the rise of, you know, Your Mother's House and all that stuff.

• 1:28:57Mark Normand?

  Your Mom's House.

• 1:28:58Speaker 02

  Your Mum's House.

• 1:28:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:00Speaker 02

  We call it Your Mother's House in the UK. That's, you know.

• 1:29:03Mark Normand?

  Clean it up a little.

• 1:29:03Speaker 02

  It's a bit classier.

• 1:29:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:05Speaker 02

  Um, and yeah, man, I did their, um, I did their roast three weeks ago in, in Glasgow. They're great.

• 1:29:10Mark Normand?

  Oh dude, Glasgow. I just, I played there twice.

• 1:29:13Sam Morril?

  Well, I was with them that day when they were leaving for the roast.

• 1:29:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:29:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I did their pod that day.

• 1:29:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're good, good eggs. But I did Glasgow. I couldn't, I was getting heckled. I couldn't understand them.

• 1:29:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, of, yeah, god.

• 1:29:23Mark Normand?

  It's so thick.

• 1:29:24Speaker 02

  It's the, yeah.

• 1:29:25Sam Morril?

  It was, it was a lot of, what was that?

• 1:29:27Mark Normand?

  A lot of that.

• 1:29:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:28Mark Normand?

  I was like, I think he called me a f- but I can't tell.

• 1:29:32Speaker 02

  No, he wouldn't have called you, if he was Glasgow, he wouldn't have called you a f- we'd have called you a poofter.

• 1:29:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, that might have been it.

• 1:29:36Speaker 02

  Aye, you fucking woofter.

• 1:29:38Mark Normand?

  That was the name of my tour.

• 1:29:39Sam Morril?

  That sounds a little softer. I like that.

• 1:29:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, poof is, look, poof is homophobic, but it's, it's, if you ask any poof in Scotland, none of them care about the word poof. We call, you know, um, uh, like Alka-Seltzers?

• 1:29:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:51Speaker 02

  That's called poof juice in the UK.

• 1:29:52Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:29:53Speaker 02

  Any.

• 1:29:55Sam Morril?

  Why's that?

• 1:29:57Speaker 02

  Cause it's a gay drink.

• 1:29:58Mark Normand?

  You're right.

• 1:29:58Speaker 02

  Do you smell enough ice? It's, you know, tart fuel.

• 1:30:02Mark Normand?

  Indigestion.

• 1:30:02Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:30:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything that's like-

• 1:30:05Sam Morril?

  Feels anti-semitic.

• 1:30:06Speaker 02

  Mike's Hard Lemonade, that's a poof drink.

• 1:30:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. Yeah, White Claw.

• 1:30:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, any of that, you know, it comes from that masculinity of, here we go.

• 1:30:18Mark Normand?

  I'd love to see Eddie Murphy doing this. You, all these poofs looking at my ass.

• 1:30:24Speaker 02

  Poof is, I like-

• 1:30:25Mark Normand?

  Poof is fun.

• 1:30:26Speaker 02

  Look, I dislike genuine homophobia. Unfortunately, homophobia, the original homophobes came out with some great slurs. The original homophobes came out with some fucking banging.

• 1:30:38Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 1:30:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, look, arse bandit? That's so funny.

• 1:30:42Mark Normand?

  Pillow biter? That's gold.

• 1:30:44Speaker 02

  A poo pirate?

• 1:30:45Sam Morril?

  Was the heart in the wrong place? Yes. Was the creative on point? Absolutely.

• 1:30:49Mark Normand?

  Yes. I mean, the racist jokes, the old ones are very clever.

• 1:30:55Mark Normand?

  How do you stop a black guy from raping a chick? Throw him a basketball? I mean, there's some talk in there.

• 1:31:01Speaker 02

  Banning for the other team, fine.

• 1:31:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and he gets no credit, no love.

• 1:31:06Speaker 02

  Bean Queen?

• 1:31:07Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:31:08Speaker 02

  Described Mexican homosexuals?

• 1:31:11Mark Normand?

  Ah, Bean Queen, that's great.

• 1:31:14Speaker 02

  That's awful.

• 1:31:15Mark Normand?

  That's clever.

• 1:31:16Speaker 02

  Eh.

• 1:31:17Mark Normand?

  Butterfly Boy.

• 1:31:18Speaker 02

  Butterfly Boy, effeminate man, that would be me. I would get-

• 1:31:21Mark Normand?

  Chaser. Okay.

• 1:31:24Sam Morril?

  So you know the booze is hitting?

• 1:31:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:26Sam Morril?

  We're at the point of the pot, we're just reading slurs.

• 1:31:31Speaker 02

  Bold dyke. Oh, here's the other one. So dyke means, is a street in Scotland.

• 1:31:37Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:31:38Speaker 02

  Right?

• 1:31:38Sam Morril?

  So it comes from Scotland?

• 1:31:40Speaker 02

  No, no, the word dyke means street. So I used to live around the corner from Back Dykes.

• 1:31:47Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:31:47Speaker 02

  Like, Back Dykes is where my, I used to visit my friends to go and-

• 1:31:52Sam Morril?

  Play.

• 1:31:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:31:54Speaker 02

  They lived in the dykes.

• 1:31:55Mark Normand?

  Ah. Well, dyke here is like a port or a, it's like a-

• 1:31:59Sam Morril?

  It's spelled differently though, isn't it?

• 1:32:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, is it? Okay.

• 1:32:02Speaker 02

  Also, I think I just saw foop as a homophobic slur there, which is just poof backwards.

• 1:32:09Mark Normand?

  That's for the dyslexic.

• 1:32:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:13Mark Normand?

  Well, yeah, what is, Dick Dyke here is, uh, two primary meanings, lesbian, but also, uh, oh, it is spelled different.

• 1:32:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, and the Cockney, the Cockney term for, uh, lesbian is a rusty.

• 1:32:26Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:32:27Speaker 02

  Because rusty bike, dyke, so a couple of rusties.

• 1:32:32Mark Normand?

  I love that.

• 1:32:32Sam Morril?

  Couple leaps there, yeah.

• 1:32:34Speaker 02

  But that's what Cockney rhyme was slang is, apple and pears is stairs.

• 1:32:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:32:38Speaker 02

  It's the rhyme and it's a very stupid, eh, and frustrating thing that I'm glad is, eh, dying out, but there are some, there are some bangers in there.

• 1:32:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, well, Guy Ritchie had a few of those in his movies.

• 1:32:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:32:49Mark Normand?

  It's all written all over your Chevy Chase.

• 1:32:51Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:54Mark Normand?

  Okay, well, jeez.

• 1:32:55Speaker 02

  A hip hitter, great.

• 1:32:57Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 1:32:57Speaker 02

  Left-handed is so funny, just left-handed.

• 1:33:02Mark Normand?

  Nancy.

• 1:33:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, look, I, I, I agree with that, Stoke on Trent, just calling, oh, there you go, Cockney rhyme was slang, he's Stoke, Stoke on Trent, bent.

• 1:33:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:33:18Speaker 02

  So he's Stoke.

• 1:33:19Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 1:33:20Speaker 02

  Stoke the fires would be way too close to the etymology of.

• 1:33:24Mark Normand?

  Right, right, the bundle of sticks.

• 1:33:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. My friend Reese, eh, Nicholson, great comedian, eh, him and his partner, every year for Christmas, get a giant bundle of sticks, wrap, eh, Christmas lights around, I can call it the Christmas.

• 1:33:40Mark Normand?

  Is he the well-dressed guy?

• 1:33:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:33:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:42Speaker 02

  He's one of those, yeah, oh, Reese is the best.

• 1:33:45Sam Morril?

  He's at the Cellar sometimes, or was at least, yeah.

• 1:33:47Speaker 02

  They've done, eh, Conan a bunch of times.

• 1:33:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice, nice, others are slurs for feminine men, brownie, but pirate, bender.

• 1:33:53Speaker 02

  Bum chum is great.

• 1:33:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good.

• 1:33:56Speaker 02

  Chutney ferret.

• 1:33:57Sam Morril?

  Benders hilarious.

• 1:33:58Speaker 02

  Chutney.

• 1:33:58Sam Morril?

  Benders is what you just wanna do to it.

• 1:34:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:34:02Speaker 02

  Ponce, I remember Ponce, pullabout, shirtlifter, great.

• 1:34:06Mark Normand?

  Shirtlifter, turd burglar.

• 1:34:08Sam Morril?

  Turd burg, turd burglar's a fucking shit.

• 1:34:10Mark Normand?

  That is brilliant.

• 1:34:11Sam Morril?

  That's like fucking, that's like a top 20 hit.

• 1:34:14Mark Normand?

  Top 20, top 10.

• 1:34:15Speaker 02

  That's homophobic because it's so funny to assume that the reason gay men are fucking other men in the ass is because they wanna steal your poo? That's, that is such, cuz that's also what poo pirate is.

• 1:34:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:28Speaker 02

  Like, it's just non-understandable.

• 1:34:31Sam Morril?

  But it's also just a word choice.

• 1:34:32Speaker 02

  These gays are fucking bums cuz they wanna steal our poo.

• 1:34:35Sam Morril?

  But turd and burglar are both already funny words on their own.

• 1:34:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yes, a combination.

• 1:34:42Mark Normand?

  Hold on, you had some lesbians at the bottom of the list there. Pussy Puncher I enjoy.

• 1:34:46Speaker 02

  Todger Dodger is very funny.

• 1:34:49Mark Normand?

  What's a todger?

• 1:34:50Speaker 02

  Todger is your, is your, yeah, we todger.

• 1:34:53Mark Normand?

  Carpet muncher, that's a classic.

• 1:34:54Sam Morril?

  That's, that is one of the top.

• 1:34:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:57Sam Morril?

  Rug muncher?

• 1:34:58Speaker 02

  Rug muncher, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:59Mark Normand?

  Alright, well where are you gonna be there? What do you got coming up?

• 1:35:03Sam Morril?

  You coming up on the road?

• 1:35:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you back out there at all?

• 1:35:07Speaker 02

  Me?

• 1:35:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you got some dates to plug?

• 1:35:10Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, I guess, yeah. Look, this, this, this, eh, thing is, show is going on the road of edge. I'm taking some time off when I get home. Eh, doing mostly, yeah, here we go, the UK. And then doing Turkey, because I just love Turkey. And then start next year's when we start doing...

• 1:35:28Sam Morril?

  I heard Budapest amazing.

• 1:35:29Speaker 02

  Budapest is the fucking tip.

• 1:35:31Sam Morril?

  I've heard it's, I, I, I gotta do that.

• 1:35:33Speaker 02

  Do the gigs, do the gigs, do the gigs.

• 1:35:34Sam Morril?

  I'm definitely going there.

• 1:35:35Speaker 02

  I will give you the contact information for it.

• 1:35:37Sam Morril?

  In Vienna.

• 1:35:38Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 1:35:39Sam Morril?

  I wanna go to all these places.

• 1:35:40Mark Normand?

  I'd love to do India.

• 1:35:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're gonna do all of it, we're gonna do everything.

• 1:35:44Speaker 02

  If you're gonna, if you do India, you go, you go out with Dead Ant, they know what to do. They've taken fucking Mia, they've taken Jess and Nick out. They're about to take, eh, Jean-Marc out. And again, India, you're not making money when you go there the first time. Because if you wanna talk about the cost of living crisis in the rest of the world, it's affected India a whole bunch. So it's like, you've gotta make, you don't wanna outprice the working class there. And the working class earn slightly less than the, not slightly, a marginal more, less than the rest of the world. So if you do there, you don't go out to India with the idea of making money in the first year. You'll make a bet, but it's, you know, I understand for you guys, you're traveling halfway around the world. It's the best. I think it's one of the most important places in the world to visit and experience. Nobody does it better than Dead Ant, I'd.

• 1:36:23Mark Normand?

  Okay, wait, alright.

• 1:36:26Speaker 02

  And then also, my American tour will be announced, I think in the next couple of months. I'll be here, October next year, I think.

• 1:36:34Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay. Alright, boy, fun stuff. Amsterdam, you're everywhere.

• 1:36:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, Budapest, Turkey, Vienna, all the fun places.

• 1:36:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I just got Reno November 29th, the Atlantis and Carnegie Hall, New York, New York, December 4th, so let's fucking go.

• 1:36:51Speaker 02

  Fucking buddy, that's awesome.

• 1:36:51Sam Morril?

  That's all I got. Yeah, thank you, bro.

• 1:36:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, local boy makes good.

• 1:36:55Sam Morril?

  It's November 29th, I was right, right? Been drinking.

• 1:36:58Speaker 02

  Cause I've done, I've done Beacon a bunch of ti- and Beacon for me is like the big-

• 1:37:02Sam Morril?

  Beacon, Beacon's probably the best.

• 1:37:04Speaker 02

  But, but in terms of, also I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong here, I believe Carnegie was Scottish.

• 1:37:12Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:37:13Speaker 02

  I could, I could, I could be very wrong, I could be thinking of a different Carnegie, my history isn't as good.

• 1:37:17Mark Normand?

  I believe it's Andrew.

• 1:37:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:19Speaker 02

  Oh, if it's Andrew Carnegie, then I'm almost 100% correct.

• 1:37:22Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:37:24Speaker 02

  Hey!

• 1:37:25Mark Normand?

  Hey, look at that!

• 1:37:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, because there's a, yes, because there's a fucking Carnegie Hall in Dunfermline, which is seven miles from where I fucking grew up, yes.

• 1:37:34Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:37:35Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:37:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, yeah, great, awesome.

• 1:37:39Mark Normand?

  Good call. Alright, hey, I'm all over the place, Mystic Lake Casino in Minneapolis, then Kansas City, back to the clubs to build the new hour, Des Moines, uh, Brea, California, and Grand Ronde, Oregon, never heard of that, New Brunswick, uh, San Antonio, we're all over the place.

• 1:37:58Sam Morril?

  Get our fucking bodega cat on that menu, dude, New Brunswick, many brand, you fucking better, you better be listening to us, you lied to us, you said you were serving it.

• 1:38:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, I didn't know that, get it, Tulsa, Arizona, Indianapolis.

• 1:38:11Speaker 02

  Say that, say that, go back to that, Arizona one, say that, say that, fucking say it.

• 1:38:14Mark Normand?

  Hold on. I can't do it, Sahuarita?

• 1:38:18Speaker 02

  So, Sahuarita?

• 1:38:20Sam Morril?

  That sounds right.

• 1:38:21Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 1:38:21Mark Normand?

  Nailed it.

• 1:38:22Speaker 02

  Probably shouldn't have done a Mexican woman's voice, but-

• 1:38:26Mark Normand?

  Ah, you're a bean counter, what is it? Bean, Bean Queen.

• 1:38:31Speaker 02

  That's, a bean counter, it's a great one for a lesbian.

• 1:38:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, bean counter, right, she's racking them up. Indianapolis, Buffalo, and we're, we're way out in Portland and-

• 1:38:41Speaker 02

  Especially if she's licking her finger before turning.

• 1:38:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Exactly, yes.

• 1:38:47Sam Morril?

  You're going hard, dude, I gotta, yeah, I gotta start booking my next year, I haven't done shit.

• 1:38:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, alright, thanks a lot, check out Sloss on the road. Do all this stuff? You got a pod?

• 1:38:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, we've taken a big hiatus.

• 1:38:58Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:38:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it was called Sausage and Hobbies on the road, and then I stopped being on the road.

• 1:39:02Mark Normand?

  All right, well, happy Thanksgiving.

• 1:39:03Sam Morril?

  Get some bodega cats.

• 1:39:05Mark Normand?

  Perfect for the family. You're gonna need it with your drunk uncle. Hang out with the fam, get some turkey.

• 1:39:10Sam Morril?

  Have a great Thanksgiving, and we're grateful for you. We're thankful for you guys. So thanks for listening, guys.

• 1:39:15Mark Normand?

  Sorry, Native Americans.

• 1:40:02Speaker 03

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• 1:40:20Speaker 04

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