Ep 260: Pete Holmes

No one riffs like Pete Holmes. The boys sit down with the King of Whimsy for a wild ride of comedy philosophy, stroke stories, Seinfeld deep dives, porno charts, music bits, youth pastor energy, and the eternal mystery of the trumpet. Plus, they break down the art of delivery, the curse of crowd work, LA vs NYC hangs, kid-fucking Mike callbacks, and why Pete wants comedians thrown off stage by ICE. A classic WMBD hang. Sponsored by: Shop Mint Unlimited Plans at https://MINTMOBILE.com/WMBD Give the gift of smooth this holiday season with The Performance Package 5.0 Ultra. Get 15% OFF your entire order with code WMBD at https://Manscaped.com Take advantage of Ridge’s Biggest Sale of the Year and GET UP TO 47% Off by going to https://www. Ridge.com/DRUNK #Ridgepod Go to https://Lucy.co/DRUNK and use promo code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #PeteHolmes #MarkNormand #SamMorril #MintMobile #Manscaped #RidgeWallet #Lucy #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Have you guys ever been near a panic attack onstage?

• 0:08Mark Normand?

  I don't think so. I've been near shitting.

• 0:11Speaker 02

  I just at a club. Where was I? Maybe I'll leave out where I was. It's better. But I was doing a club, this was about a week ago, late Friday. Lady in the front, lovely lady. Meaning I had engaged with her a couple times. And I don't really do crowd work, so she was talking to me. And so I was addressing her, and you know, being nice and everything. Towards the 45-minute mark, I only know that because you'll see. She collapses.

• 0:38Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 0:39Speaker 02

  She falls. I look up, there's like a commotion. And she's on the ground, and she's going, "I'm okay." And of course, I go like...

• 0:46Mark Normand?

  Vaccine.

• 0:47Speaker 02

  Vaccine. The microchips are working. I forgot that my Illuminati app, I had set it to go off right before I closed. No, she, uh, she kinda had like a head wrap that could've gone either way. Maybe she was struggling with something. I know it's hard to riff on this subject, but she did fall. And it was, uh, impossible to continue.

• 1:10Mark Normand?

  Head wrap before or after?

• 1:12Speaker 02

  The head wrap was sort of like a... Like gauze or something? Oh, no, no, not gauze, like a stylish head wrap. But that might've conveyed chemotherapy.

• 1:22Sam Morril?

  Okay, I would say, if someone's got gauze on their head, don't sit them up front.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 1:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  But I, you know, I just was like, I don't know what, uh, I was just honest. That's always the best move, right? I was like, "I don't know what to do. I could keep going." I tried like a couple quick jokes, and they got laughs. But they're these types of laughs, like... Our health is so real when you see someone down. And they got her up, but down. Here's the sweet punchline, though. I, uh, I'm not gonna make it about me. I was gonna say, I have really sweet fans. I'm trying to compliment them. The people at their table, strangers, had a wheelchair. Went and got it.

• 2:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  They brought a wheelchair was in almost immediately after I got off stage. And I was like, you guys just have a wheelchair? They were like, those are the people that they were with. And they paid their bill. I was like, that's so sweet. They were just like, we got our bill. We got our wheelchair. Keep the wheelchair. I think wheelchairs are like, keep the wheelchair, right?

• 2:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:22Sam Morril?

  You come back a week later, you're like, I want that.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Where's that chair?

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  It's like Tupperware.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  It's a little bit like Tupperware, yeah.

• 2:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  So that just happened.

• 2:30Mark Normand?

  That must have been one at the club. No one travels with a wheelchair. Loose.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  No, I think they had it in their car.

• 2:37Sam Morril?

  But why would they have a spare chair?

• 2:39Speaker 02

  A spare chair.

• 2:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, why?

• 2:40Speaker 02

  These are the good Chimeridans.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  You book homes, you get a clip. You book homes, you get a clip.

• 2:49Mark Normand?

  You were C said gauze. I was sitting on gauze a strip for about a half an hour. I didn't want to interrupt, but yeah, yeah. Wow, spare chair.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Even gauze humor I won't do.

• 3:01Sam Morril?

  I had a guy have a stroke in my crowd once and Scott, remember Stand Up Scottsdale?

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 3:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  Where the host would, the owner was the host.

• 3:11Sam Morril?

  He ran the club.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  He'd do forty-five.

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  Do forty-five and then he would, he'd do a lot of that too.

• 3:17Mark Normand?

  Do forty-five rails.

• 3:19Speaker 02

  And tell like, I shouldn't.

• 3:21Sam Morril?

  No, he's a nice guy, I like him.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Stories, like kinda hard stories.

• 3:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:25Speaker 02

  Hard stories.

• 3:26Sam Morril?

  And then he'd be like, make sure you give us five stars. I'm like, he can't do that in the middle of the set. You can't like shit on religion and then be like, make sure you give us a high rating.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  You know, whenever I'm in New York, I remember this and I don't, I am gonna say this, I'm not dragging anybody. Just when you're starting, I feel like in New York especially, you run into more Bill Hicks kind of inspired guys and girls. In fact, the person I'm thinking of was a woman. Her closer was about Jesus having anal sex and like, but like, it wasn't just that it was so risque. It was like not really.

• 4:01Mark Normand?

  It was also kinda hot.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  It was a little hot. I had to go up rock hard. But I did always follow her and I would go up, I'd have to excuse myself through everyone leaving. Like that's, that was her, that sounds like a bit, but like she just walked, I was gonna say that was her light. That's how she knew to wrap it up, was when no one was left. But, but she was a funny person. I'm just saying she had rough, rough. I, I heard the C word. When I first got to New York, you never, unless it was a British. Uh huh. You know, maybe you'd hear from. Right, a Jeffries. It's softer out of a Brit or an Aussie. It is. Yeah. Twat to twat. Twat, it's kinda cute. I like twat. I'd put a baby to sleep with twat twat, it's fine.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  But I heard so many C words and I, at that time, was like, huh, like, and I thought I represented the audience. I thought it was me and Bargatze. I thought. Oh geez. I had, and we were kinda like in the back waiting to go up after like two and a half hours of really hard stuff. Hmm, two and a half? Why is she going so long? Oh no, she didn't do two and a half, I mean the whole show. And then we'll go at the end, but it was a real start at seven. Yeah. Start at eight. We're two and a half hour [BLEEP] chunk. Cause you were clean back in the day. I was clean, very, much, much cleaner than I am now. Not that you're filthy, but. No, no, I know, but I am dirtier than people think. Got it.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't say C, I'll say C if it comes up. I had a bit where I would imply the word, the C word. Hmm. And sometimes, especially in places like Stand Up Scotts, people would go, say it, say it. Right. And like, I took offense at that. I was like, you think I won't say [BLEEP]? Like, you think I'm like, what do you think this is? Like, I'm flying the plane. I'm not saying it because it's funnier to watch you say it in your mind. Like, don't, I have a real like competitive. I, yeah. Even though I'm clean, if you test me, I'll be like, no, I'll do whatever it takes to make you laugh. You've had sex, like what do these people think? In Britain. That's not true, I wish. I wish I missed my chance.

• 6:05Sam Morril?

  That club was like, I remember the dude had a stroke in the audience and I was just on stage and I was like, I, I got a, a good laugh. And then I saw a, a bottle get kicked over. I was like, oh, I guess I'm really killing them. Like, no, he's having a stroke. I was like, oh shit. So I had to stop the show and that guy Howard was, I was like, just call an ambulance. And I get off stage and Howard's like, I'll kill some time. And I was like, fuck. He's doing crowd work with the stroke guy.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 6:29Sam Morril?

  While we're waiting for an ambulance and I was like, dude, you gotta just let him have a stroke.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  By the way, that's like the most obvious, uh, I hear that a lot in crowd work. You talk to a drunk person. Yeah. Then you say, are you having a stroke? Like, that's like, that's right in your pocket. That's true. If they're in coherency, say, is this guy having a stroke? Big laugh, this guy is having a stroke.

• 6:46Sam Morril?

  And, uh, and then Howard's like, it's gonna be cool. I've had a stroke. I'm like, yeah, but you had a stroke from like 16 Red Bulls and Coke. Like you, it's your fault you had a stroke.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Right.

• 6:56Sam Morril?

  This guy's an older guy, it's just, you know, happened, but yeah, he seemed okay when they got him out. But you're like, holy shit, yeah, you're like, do I, do I go back up?

• 7:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. A friend of mine had a stroke in college and he was from doing like too many sit-ups. What? Like he was really going for it and they said he had his hands, uh, this is a theory. I, I don't think they ever really know if, unless you're like. Yeah. A celebrity and they're like, let's really go in there and find out why Decovney stroke. I shouldn't have cursed Decovney. I met Alan Decovney, start the Y-file. So anyway, he. The truth is out there. Thank you, thank you. I knew you wouldn't leave me alone. No, no. He's okay. I wanna believe he's okay. Okay, are the riffs done? Anyway, he ripped a tendon on his neck and it sent a clot. So he's like 23. Jesus. Four, in incredible shape.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  And I went to see him in the hospital and I like patch-atomed his ass. Like I, I wouldn't stop doing bits. Yeah. All the doctors.

• 7:53Sam Morril?

  You must've felt incredible, Tim.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  It did.

• 7:55Sam Morril?

  Cause you're like, I'm stronger than you in this moment. You used to be stronger, now I win.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  And I did none of that shit. I knew I was right about not doing sit-ups.

• 8:03Sam Morril?

  Well, Teddy Bruski, the linebacker, remember he had a fucking stroke? He's in the NFL. He was like one of the best players in the NFL. He had a stroke.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  I worry about the amounts of, uh, I don't know. I, I feel like we're in a weird time where it's like, you wanna be healthy? Eat a cow's face. Like, I think that's gonna catch up to us. Yeah. I'm just saying it in the same way that in the 90s where we're like, eggs are good, eggs are bad. What is it? Yeah. We're having, meat is having. Oh, yeah. A moment. Big moment. And I think it's gonna bite us in the butt. I do. Meat in cold water. Everybody's gonna have a cold shower, an ice plunge.

• 8:35Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, the ice.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, ice plunging, guilty on that one, but. Oh, yeah? It feels pretty good. I love it. You feel good after. I feel it all day. That's why, and I'm a, I'm a real addict, so I'm chasing those like sober highs.

• 8:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, baby.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  That's why, nobody. Are you sober? I don't drink. I smoke a little bit and I do psychedelics, so I can't claim sober.

• 8:53Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  But I do love the, uh, the ice. Nobody, nobody in the ice, you know, isn't chasing something.

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  Send it to Trump. I love ice, I endorse ice.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  Love ice, love an ice bath. I gotta clean these guys, get them out there. Get them out there nice and clean.

• 9:10Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  You don't want an aroma giving you away. I don't like riffing on this topic because it's so sad, but I'm bound by the laws of yes and. Comic first. You know what I mean?

• 9:21Mark Normand?

  We should have ice for comedians. Like if they steal jokes or have, they're too hacky, be like, call ice and they come pull them off stage.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  I think that's called Threads, right? Nice. Yeah. Wait, what is Threads? Cause that was a sponsor of Fest. It's the Twitter, uh.

• 9:34Mark Normand?

  It's Instagram's Twitter, or you know, you can comment and post jokes.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  It's like, it's like left wing Twitter now. Wait, but the New York Comedy Fest was brought to us by Threads.com. Was that that? Was it? Oh, Threads.com is a clothing company.

• 9:47Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  Okay. Damn, how did, how did he let that happen? Who? Trump? No, Zuckerberg. I'm putting the coffee down.

• 9:53Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Trump? Oh, no. I was so ready. When a guy has an impression.

• 10:00Mark Normand?

  You know, Keith Robinson had a stroke from Viagra.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Is that what it was?

• 10:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, got the heart.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  And the altitude, yeah.

• 10:04Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  I mean, it's the least sympathetic stroke story. A boner stroke? Yeah, he was, he was going to Phoenix to get ass.

• 10:12Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  And he, and instead, and instead of going to the hospital, he went to go get the ass.

• 10:17Mark Normand?

  Wait, was he?

• 10:18Speaker 02

  Well, that's the key. If you're having a stroke, go to the hospital now.

• 10:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Cause my buddy that had one, he was, he also said, it's gonna sound stupid, but he was like, don't push on the toilet. Cause that's what kinda like got it over the hump.

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  What?

• 10:31Speaker 02

  So this is what makes the clot. So that's now just like a free floating thing. And then there has to be some sort of push. But that makes sense though, cause you're stressed. I mean, that's like a stress shit. Bro, and we're back to meat. I'd like to see the BMs of these carnivore guys. John Wayne's butthole? I'd love to see John Wayne.

• 10:50Mark Normand?

  What? No.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  John Wayne, like when he died, they were like, this guy ate way too much red meat. Oh, really? Yeah. This is like. Uh, when you find out the Bob Marley dreadlock thing isn't real?

• 11:00Mark Normand?

  Wait, what's that?

• 11:01Speaker 02

  Remember when they were like, they found 800 species of bugs and it was just like a racist guy started a rumor?

• 11:05Mark Normand?

  I never heard that one.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  It'd be, you know, it started as a, as a, like a racist joke somewhere improvised, like they found it and then it became a fact. It's not real.

• 11:14Mark Normand?

  You know what's sick about Bob Marley? His toe killed him. It was a toe cancer. One little toe.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  No.

• 11:19Mark Normand?

  Killed the-

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Can't you just take it off? It spread too quickly or what?

• 11:21Mark Normand?

  I think in the Rastafarian, uh, religion, you can't-

• 11:25Speaker 02

  This is another racist joke coming?

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you gotta leave the toes on or whatever.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  He, he died from toe cancer?

• 11:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, toe ca- he kicked a soccer ball one day and he was like, ah, my toe went in, killed him.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  Yikes.

• 11:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  The soccer ball seems like somebody who didn't know what happened made it up. I don't know if he was kicking a soccer ball in a big field.

• 11:42Sam Morril?

  What, yeah, what's it, and what's the deal with John Wayne's- I think it was, uh, seven pounds of undigested meat in his stomach when he died. That's weird.

• 11:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's like a Bonnie Blue thing.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  I'll say this just because it's, I think it's useful, the guy that used to be on The Biggest Loser, which I've never seen, so it's one of the trainers-

• 11:59Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  Was a big like keto, only meat, just meat, and I'm not here to give health advice, I'm just saying that dude had a stroke at like the peak of his health.

• 12:10Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  And is now a pretty loud voice to be like, guys, we're not fiber.

• 12:14Sam Morril?

  Not that loud after the stroke.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 12:15Sam Morril?

  I said, not that loud after the stroke.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  No, he's okay, actually, cause he was incredibly fit, so he bounced back. So did my friend, by the way.

• 12:22Sam Morril?

  But that's, that's a crazy thing though, but yeah, anything in moderation, like what, why are you eating meat like 21 meals a week?

• 12:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  I, I run a risk for that and it's an addict thing too. Addicts really-

• 12:34Sam Morril?

  With meat?

• 12:35Speaker 02

  It's black and white thinking. Is, is like, that's why I like people in cold plunges. I love it. I love a cold plunge and then you get in the hot tub. Like, I love extremes. My wife makes fun of me. She's like, you like to be real cold, you like to be real hot, like there's no middle way. And it's the same, like, if I were doing carnivore, it would make perfect sense to me. Cause I'd just be like, just this!

• 12:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  I think it's a comic thing too. I don't wanna waste time thinking about it, so if you just tell me what to eat, you'll-

• 13:03Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  You look good, what are you eating?

• 13:05Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Remember?

• 13:06Mark Normand?

  Right, yeah, yeah.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  In the supermarket?

• 13:07Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  You look alright.

• 13:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. You don't know what to do, so you just ask people.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Just what are you eating?

• 13:11Mark Normand?

  Right, right. And he's like, mosquito. What, is that made for mosquitoes?

• 13:16Mark Normand?

  That's one of those bits you'd think of and go, "I would never say that out loud," and then it says, "All act."

• 13:20Speaker 02

  That's, that's absolutely true. I forgot Mesquite made from mosquitoes.

• 13:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. That's on, uh, Telling You For The Last Time. What is Mesquite?

• 13:28Speaker 02

  By the way, you're not gonna meet a bigger Seinfeld fan.

• 13:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're talking to him.

• 13:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, dude, I love the thing you did on your show with it, the, with DeRosa.

• 13:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  I got to meet Jerry and he said, "I love New Material Seinfeld."

• 13:41Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  So he came up to me, yeah, and that's what I did. And then I immediately realized I shouldn't have done that. Like, what Mark is doing is what I did. And I watched him being like, "I guess we're not gonna be friends."

• 13:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  I, I just think I freaked him out. I, I won't flatter myself. I didn't freak him out, but I wasn't cool. I could have been like, "Oh, thanks, man." But I was like, "I did." He's going, "Oh, my god." It's like, either I could have a 1 in 3,000 chance of maybe becoming his friend, but I'd be cool. Or I could just get the lump sum now and have the fun of being like, "Holy shit." You either repress that feeling for a lottery ticket to maybe be his real friend. I think I made the right choice.

• 14:25Sam Morril?

  You know what the problem is, is when a guy at that level compliments you, it's, it's a hot chick moment.

• 14:31Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 14:32Sam Morril?

  And if, and if you're like, you're like-

• 14:33Speaker 02

  Wait, who's the hot chick?

• 14:34Sam Morril?

  Well, no, Jerry.

• 14:35Mark Normand?

  He is.

• 14:36Sam Morril?

  And you just gotta play it cool.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:38Sam Morril?

  But like, but yeah, the instinct is like, "How can I make this funny?"

• 14:40Speaker 02

  That's why I think like Burr and Bargetti, they can be friends. Cause Nate would have been like, "Oh, thanks, mate."

• 14:47Mark Normand?

  You're right.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Thanks. And Bill would have been like, "Yeah, I don't fucking mean it," you know?

• 14:52Sam Morril?

  What would Trump have said?

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Trump would have been like, "Thank you, I've been working on that bit for a while." "New material, Mike Pence, he'd come out, he had his puppet."

• 15:01Mark Normand?

  I can beat you, though. I got a worse one. When I first met him, this is-

• 15:04Speaker 02

  Signy?

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  19 years ago, yeah.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Drum?

• 15:06Mark Normand?

  He was at the creek watching Colin Quinn. And I was like, "Oh, my god, Jerry's at the creek in the cave of all places."

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Smelling the dead mice?

• 15:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, in Long Island City. And I went up to him, I went, "Are you, uh..." Master of your domain.

• 15:21Sam Morril?

  Oh, God.

• 15:22Mark Normand?

  And he just turned around and walked away.

• 15:23Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God.

• 15:24Mark Normand?

  No words said.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  I...

• 15:27Sam Morril?

  And then he went up to Rodney Dangerfield and was like, "I heard you don't get any respect."

• 15:30Speaker 02

  That's very good.

• 15:33Sam Morril?

  Kid, shut the fuck up, alright?

• 15:34Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 15:36Mark Normand?

  Get it done.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  A friend of mine, uh, actually, the professor who encouraged me to go into comedy changed my life. His name is Mark Stevic. I love him. He, just a little plug, I don't know, patreon.stevic?

• 15:46Mark Normand?

  Thanks a lot, Stevic.

• 15:47Sam Morril?

  Stevic.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  You guys are very good at finding the funniest thing in Paris.

• 15:53Sam Morril?

  There we go. That was fun.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  To be mad at Stevic for getting me into comedy is what most people would need a four-minute break to like brainstorm. And he just immediately were like, "Thanks a lot, Stevic."

• 16:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Very, very funny. Anyway, he, uh, met David Mamet. Hmm. Who wrote Glengarry Glen Ross.

• 16:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, one of the best, one of the best writers.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  And we, we were like Jerry, uh, cause I know this from comedians in cars. Jerry is also obsessed with Glengarry Glen Ross.

• 16:18Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  A lot of comics are obsessed with Glengarry Glen Ross.

• 16:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Brass balls.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  It reminds us, it reminds me of The Cellar.

• 16:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  There's like a feeling, everybody knows their place.

• 16:26Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Where are you on the board? Show business.

• 16:28Sam Morril?

  There's a lot of Shelley Lavine's at The Cellar.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  I gotta follow Moss?

• 16:39Speaker 02

  And there's a lot of Williamson's.

• 16:40Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  There's a lot of like gatekeeping, kinda like, why is, why do I have to listen to this person? Especially when you're coming up.

• 16:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Uh, but anyway, he goes up to Mamet and he goes, "Have you made your decision for Christ?" Which is a line from Alec Baldwin's speech.

• 16:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  He goes, "Always be closing."

• 16:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  Uh, A always be, I think, uh, oh, A-I-D-A.

• 17:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Colin Quinn comes in, "Falafels for closes, you fucking pussies."

• 17:04Speaker 02

  But he took the same swing you did. I think it also fell flat, but at least you had that micro moment.

• 17:10Mark Normand?

  And now we're cool. So it took, I was like 23.

• 17:13Sam Morril?

  You got it out of the way and now he gets you and like, he loves you, dude. I mean, he, he really, it's, it's cool, but...

• 17:18Mark Normand?

  He's coming on here.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  He is?

• 17:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:20Sam Morril?

  He's got the text of coming to Carnegie Hall, too. December 4th, don't know when that is coming out.

• 17:25Speaker 02

  You mean what?

• 17:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 17:26Mark Normand?

  Get that set tight.

• 17:28Sam Morril?

  They're coming to Carnegie Hall, I got the text, so.

• 17:29Mark Normand?

  Take the Fs out, the Cs out.

• 17:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Wait, you're ordering at Carnegie?

• 17:33Sam Morril?

  No, I'm doing my show at Carnegie Hall and they, they said they're coming, so.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  Oh, they're gonna come?

• 17:36Sam Morril?

  So, yeah, I'm gonna clean up the act a little bit.

• 17:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:39Sam Morril?

  What if I just become a complete fucking, I just work clean and impress them?

• 17:42Speaker 02

  That can't be his only thing, cause he don't say dirty words.

• 17:45Sam Morril?

  No, no, we're kidding.

• 17:46Mark Normand?

  He lives with Bernie Mac and Richard Pryor.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Roger Hills, remember Roger Hills?

• 17:50Mark Normand?

  Sure, the best looking guy in comedy.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  The best looking guy?

• 17:52Sam Morril?

  Handsome dude.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  I remember his bits, I could do, I could do.

• 17:55Sam Morril?

  Me too. I remember some of those bits too.

• 17:56Mark Normand?

  That's a great one.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  We're gonna get you a blazer, hell yeah you are.

• 17:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it sounds cooler than it is.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Blazer sounds cooler than it is.

• 18:01Mark Normand?

  He had a great bit, uh, he's like, ever, "Meeting a midget is like a, is like an audition to be normal", you know, cause you're like, cause, you know, so you're like, oh, hey!

• 18:12Speaker 02

  I go, "I'm so proud of myself, I, I have a seven year old daughter and a guy came to fix my garage and he had an eye patch", and I just ignored it. I couldn't have been more proud of myself. The bit is cut, by the way, it just, people sometimes don't like when I'm making fun of a guy with an eye patch for some reason.

• 18:29Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 18:30Speaker 02

  I started going like, "Everybody stares at it, they should sell ads on it, should say this, uh, this blank space is brought to you by Squarespace."

• 18:38Sam Morril?

  Well, they're dissecting if it's okay to laugh at while you're telling it.

• 18:41Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 18:42Sam Morril?

  They're thinking, "Is this okay to laugh at while you're, and then you're just like, it is, just trust me."

• 18:46Speaker 02

  And it gets, uh, often I'll cut a bit because it just takes so much energy to be like, "No, I, I'm telling you, like, the joke isn't about him, it's about me being proud of myself that I talked to a guy with an eye patch, like he didn't." I was like, "You know how badly I wanted to be like, "Arr, will it be ready Friday? You know what I mean?" And I think that's funny, cause I'm the joke, not him. And I'm like, "He got back from some caper, sea plane, there are all these great lines in it", "Squarespace, blank space, it used to get applause, or it would get zero, so it's gone." I think I cut it at Wise Guys.

• 19:17Mark Normand?

  Wow, really? That's, that seems like, uh, who cares? Eye patch, is that offensive?

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Sometimes you go to Utah and they're actually more down.

• 19:24Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 19:25Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, you either get, they're either kind of some 30 Rock or they're like, uh, in like a metal band or something. They go Marilyn Manson and the, and the ear things, whatever.

• 19:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:33Sam Morril?

  They're hardcore there.

• 19:34Mark Normand?

  Well, they can't drink coffee, they can't watch porn, they can't drink alcohol, so they gotta go the other way. They gotta go tattoos and mohawks.

• 19:41Sam Morril?

  What's with all these like supposed freedom states and the no porn? It is a little weird, right?

• 19:45Mark Normand?

  It's in my new special, I got a bit about it.

• 19:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's strange.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Well, look, I grew up religious and there's a weird fun fact that when, remember when you had to buy your porn in the hotel? When a, and I say this with both, it's funny and a heavy heart, because I was one of these guys. When a youth pastor convention or a religious convention would come through the Holiday Inn, porn through the roof. It was a bunch of pastors by themselves. Because of course.

• 20:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:12Speaker 02

  So, I hate to be so obvious, but the protest too much thing, the guy that's the most homophobic, he's gay.

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  The guy that's like, we gotta make porn illegal in Tennessee.

• 20:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  Bro, his search words are hard.

• 20:26Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  They're hard.

• 20:27Sam Morril?

  They go harder than any of us.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  Pull this chart up.

• 20:30Sam Morril?

  The only good thing about the no porn, like if you go to Texas or Utah, one of these states, and you're in your hotel and you jack off and you can't get on, you're just like, fuck it, I'm going old school.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:39Sam Morril?

  You jerk off to your thoughts and you're like, you're proud of yourself.

• 20:42Mark Normand?

  It's too hard.

• 20:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you can't do it.

• 20:44Mark Normand?

  I'm past that, I'm too far gone.

• 20:46Sam Morril?

  You think of like a fucking, like a part of a woman's back or something.

• 20:49Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 20:50Sam Morril?

  You figure it out.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Let's find Gary Glenn Ross.

• 20:52Sam Morril?

  What was that?

• 20:53Mark Normand?

  Brass balls?

• 20:54Speaker 02

  What, the great fucks you had in your life, what do you remember?

• 20:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, I think about that all the time.

• 20:59Speaker 02

  The orgasm.

• 21:00Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Some sound, she made something her eyes do.

• 21:02Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 21:03Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 21:04Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 21:04Mark Normand?

  Anyone else hard?

• 21:05Speaker 02

  I mean, blah blah.

• 21:06Sam Morril?

  We were sending each other, send of a woman clips.

• 21:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:11Sam Morril?

  Like how he just decided to do that voice.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, and nobody told him.

• 21:15Sam Morril?

  That was like Black Pacino.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:17Sam Morril?

  He was like a soul man.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  And nobody wanted to tell him, nobody wanted to tell him, but big swing.

• 21:22Sam Morril?

  He won an Oscar.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  How's your skin, son?

• 21:26Speaker 02

  I had a blog briefly and it was called "The History of My Skin" by Charles Sims.

• 21:30Mark Normand?

  Oh wow.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Which is what he says.

• 21:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  "The History of My Skin" by Charles Sims. It's a fucking great blog name.

• 21:36Sam Morril?

  It's a bunch of children in this auditorium. He goes, "If I was the man I was 10 years ago, I'd take a flamethrower to this place."

• 21:43Speaker 02

  And I'm like, "Kill all these people?"

• 21:45Sam Morril?

  You're gonna kill the children?

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Fuck you two! Phil Hoffman, Phil Hoffman showing us that he's a king, too.

• 21:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  He's a kid and a king.

• 21:53Sam Morril?

  He's the best.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Stod.

• 21:54Mark Normand?

  She had a great ass.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Different movie?

• 21:57Sam Morril?

  Different movie.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  I was, I'm with you, but I want you to know for the comments.

• 22:02Mark Normand?

  Damn, what about "Say Hello to My Little Friend"?

• 22:05Speaker 02

  That's actually from "Must Love Dogs."

• 22:07Mark Normand?

  Pull up the chart of porn and, uh, the most watched porn in each state.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  I wanna say, I do wanna say to you, no morals, you're fucking your dopamine. Like, somebody needs to tell you that.

• 22:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm not, I'm not, this isn't about me. I'm just saying, it's interesting to see, like, in Utah, it's all interracial. In, uh, every state goes the other way you think it would. Like, if it's like a racist state, red state, there, it's very, um, fuck my wife, black guy.

• 22:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did I just see a nipple with pills around it? How do they find a way?

• 22:36Sam Morril?

  There we go. Oh, so, yeah, let's go state by state, what, what?

• 22:39Mark Normand?

  They're all the opposite.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  I love that you guys might have dopamine.

• 22:42Sam Morril?

  He's a football.

• 22:42Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  This isn't about me!

• 22:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I thought you were gonna do some, uh, born-again lecture. I got nervous.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  I told you, no, no morality.

• 22:52Mark Normand?

  But, yeah.

• 22:52Sam Morril?

  Oh, lesbian. Lesbian's big in the southwest, look at that.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  I'll say, you know why I like lesbian? Much higher chance they're enjoying it. There's an attunement, you know what I mean?

• 23:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:02Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  Oh, MILF.

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  This is, this is pretty good.

• 23:04Sam Morril?

  Cream pie. Wow. Nebraska's just into cream pie?

• 23:08Speaker 02

  That's Nebraska, good for you.

• 23:09Sam Morril?

  That's actually the food.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Lesbian is Texas. hentai, never watched it.

• 23:13Mark Normand?

  What's hentai? Is that anime?

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Japanese.

• 23:18Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Ebony anal, if you're typing Ebony and you're under 60.

• 23:23Sam Morril?

  Do you even know what this is?

• 23:24Mark Normand?

  Giantess?

• 23:25Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 23:25Sam Morril?

  I don't know. Like, I'm guessing a big person, right?

• 23:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, fat lady.

• 23:28Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 23:28Mark Normand?

  That can't be that popular in Massachusetts. This chart is all off.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  Two no come challenge, this is fake.

• 23:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  That's fake.

• 23:36Sam Morril?

  Okay, let me find that.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  I'm a lesbian, I don't wanna know.

• 23:39Sam Morril?

  How about when they ask you, when you're in one of those states and they ask you to type in your driver's license? And you're like, fuck you.

• 23:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm going right to Twitter.

• 23:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:47Mark Normand?

  There's some hidden sites out there. I'll send them to you.

• 23:50Sam Morril?

  Is this real?

• 23:50Speaker 02

  Teen?

• 23:51Sam Morril?

  In Texas?

• 23:53Mark Normand?

  Teen. Interesting.

• 23:54Sam Morril?

  That's bad. Yeah, zoom in, Zalkeis.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Cream pie.

• 23:59Sam Morril?

  Why is cream pie definitely not in Texas? Cause you gotta keep it.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  This seems fake, man. Hilarious. Compilation seems fake.

• 24:06Sam Morril?

  That's really funny.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Compilation of what?

• 24:07Mark Normand?

  I do compilation.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, but.

• 24:08Sam Morril?

  What is compilation?

• 24:09Speaker 02

  I know, I know.

• 24:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, please. Lecture me. Well, I want a little everything.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. Oh, wait, a compilation?

• 24:16Sam Morril?

  Smoking porn?

• 24:16Speaker 02

  Can you just do a general compilation?

• 24:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, general.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 24:19Mark Normand?

  So you get a little everything.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  I know what you're talking about. When I was a kid and I saw my first porn. The previews for the porns were the best because it was bang, bang, bang, bang.

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  That's all you need.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  But you gotta, please Google porn dopamine, please do it.

• 24:30Mark Normand?

  Just go with a straight compilation, cause I'll be right about to go and they throw a gay guy scene on there. And you're like, no, I finished.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Right about to go.

• 24:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Jerry likes this guy.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  He did the dice.

• 24:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  Right about to go. And Jerry's like, I like him.

• 24:48Mark Normand?

  That was me cleaning up.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  Hang out with him.

• 24:49Mark Normand?

  About to go, I could've said way worse.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  First thing he said to me, master of the domain, he's not the master of his domain.

• 24:56Mark Normand?

  When he comes, that chart's gonna be full home screen, just for when he sits down.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  I think Jerry probably likes porn in a car, I would imagine.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  Porn on the cob. I love porn on the cob.

• 25:10Mark Normand?

  That's rotisserie.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  I like watching a girl get shocked. Come on, if you wanna do puns.

• 25:15Mark Normand?

  All right, don't show him, his eyes are gonna bleed, what are you doing?

• 25:18Sam Morril?

  Car porn, it was just all-

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Car porn?

• 25:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, people were fucking cars.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  Comedians and cars?

• 25:22Sam Morril?

  Getting porn!

• 25:23Mark Normand?

  Cars getting porn, getting blown.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  A woman sucking a muffler, what are you doing?

• 25:28Mark Normand?

  No, you're banging the car.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  The Michelin, by the Michelin man, though. He's like, "The one time I'm not soft, roll on this."

• 25:34Mark Normand?

  Mr. Goodwrench.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, there it is.

• 25:37Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  All right. BF, I'm just going BF.

• 25:42Mark Normand?

  It hurts, with a Z?

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it hurts, it hurts.

• 25:44Mark Normand?

  Hurts so good?

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:46Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  This is our whole enterprise.

• 25:48Mark Normand?

  So what does it, what does it do to the, hey, I liked it, I liked it.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Avis, all right.

• 25:52Sam Morril?

  No.

• 25:53Speaker 02

  And you know what, I could've paid less.

• 25:55Mark Normand?

  I got this whore on a-

• 25:56Speaker 02

  I got this a shoes.

• 25:57Mark Normand?

  Got her on a budget.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Nice, that's the one, that's the one. How nervous are you being Jerry's friend, because when I've known people, and a few times in my life I've been getting close with a super famous person-

• 26:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  And I noticed that everyone in their friend group is terrified of being cut.

• 26:15Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Very generous, nice people that bring you on vacations and stuff.

• 26:20Sam Morril?

  If Mark hasn't been cut yet, he's not gonna get cut.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:23Mark Normand?

  I'm in-

• 26:23Sam Morril?

  He's taking some swings.

• 26:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, just my act, or my tweets, or whatever.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:28Mark Normand?

  He's on board.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Really?

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  Well, he's a, he's a fun guy, everybody, like, remember when you first watched Comedian, you saw him cursing? He's like, "This fucking guy fucks it."

• 26:36Speaker 02

  When I saw him, he said-

• 26:37Sam Morril?

  I'm in my father's suit.

• 26:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:39Sam Morril?

  When I saw him, he said he listened, or he watched you on Kill Tony, and he was like, "Mark's quick," and I was like, "Yeah."

• 26:43Mark Normand?

  Look at that!

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Mark's quick.

• 26:44Mark Normand?

  I said the N-word, he loved it.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  I love it, I'm about everything that word stands for. I get to, because Neil Brennan is one of my close friends, and he's friends with Jerry, and Neil is so sweet, he's like a big brother, you know what I mean? I don't say that loosely, he really has that energy, and he'll-

• 27:04Sam Morril?

  And it's because he's the littlest brother, he had to like-

• 27:06Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 27:06Sam Morril?

  He had to transfer that.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  No, it works for both of us, he likes being the big brother probably, very sweet guy, and, and like, I told Ja- uh, no, I told Neil, I was like, "When I go on the road, I feel like an assassin." You know, you sit in your hotel, you peer out the window, and people are like, "Did you bring your bathing suit?" I'm like, "I'm here to kill the governor." And he told Jerry that. And then he told me that Jerry loved it. And then Jerry added, you open up the case, there's the foam with the microphone. Oh, yes. I'm sorry, Jerry's building on my bit. I love this very, very much. Wow. I also had a moment where I asked a friend, a friend was over my house. It's, she's female, I think that's important. Hmm. And I had a letter that I needed to mail.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  Okay. I gave it to her. I said, will you put this in your mail? I just said, you know, I'm about to leave town. Will you put that in your outgoing mail? Will you put a stamp on it and mail it for me? A stamp too is a big ask. That's an important.

• 28:05Sam Morril?

  In this day and age.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Maybe, maybe I had the stamp. I'm not just gonna get it up. I had the stamp and I said, will you put that in your outgoing mail? And she took such offense. And I was like, you're already, I'm leaving town. You can just put it in. Like, so I felt like it was curb. Carol Lefer does my podcast. She tells Larry that. And Larry was on my side. And I was like, this is.

• 28:27Sam Morril?

  Stamp or no stamp's a big part of the story.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  There was a stamp.

• 28:30Sam Morril?

  Okay, well, then you're in the right.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Pretty good stamp. This is big. It was big. That's, that's the kind of, I'm like the hub of the wheel. I'm not in the mix. I'm not touching the ground, but I'm in the middle. They're aware of you. And I say something to this and she says it to that and it gets back to the hub. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah, yeah, a couple of cool moments.

• 28:48Sam Morril?

  Who are the people, your, your famous friend in, in your orbit that you're like nervous around?

• 28:54Speaker 02

  Oh, Donald Glover. Ah, he's very talented. He's just, I, I really get such Prince vibes from him. I've seen Donald at parties. Prince Andrew? Prince An- All right. I don't even cover the news and I get that. Cover, you know what I mean? Yeah. I just, I just. Look at this. Who can do that? Yeah, he's incredibly cool. What's the bear, Paddington? And I, and I watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And that's his body in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Cause he didn't always have that body. No, he did not. And he got real jacked for that. So when I'm talking to him, it's like when I met Michael Keaton. I'm not friends with Michael Keaton. But I, I know, that's a big one. And I'm like, it's Batman. I couldn't not be like, you're Batman. Wow. And that's Elvis Presley.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  But yeah, I, and Donald's really sweet. Uh, I love him. I wouldn't say we're close, but like, we're friends.

• 29:45Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  And when I'm with him, I'm not cool. I'm like,

• 29:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  Laughing too hard.

• 29:52Mark Normand?

  I

• 29:52Speaker 02

  It's not chill.

• 29:53Mark Normand?

  I hung out with him before he was huge. We were in Montreal together and I was drunk and he was drunk. And I was at the bar and he sat at the seat next to me and I was trash. And we started joking about a really ugly guy. And, you know, the whole thing was 20 minutes, we're laughing, howling, and then he walked away and I was like, "Who was that?" Somebody's like, "That was Donald Glover." And I was like, "It was?"

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:13Mark Normand?

  I didn't even look at him, because, you know, I can't make eye contact. But I was cool because I didn't know who he was.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:19Mark Normand?

  But if I knew who, if I knew who he was, I would have, I would have floundered.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, you would have. Are you the master of your own?

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:23Sam Morril?

  It's actually, it's good that you can't make eye contact.

• 30:26Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 30:26Sam Morril?

  It's weird.

• 30:27Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  It's actually kinda nice. I think you're very well-mannered.

• 30:30Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 30:31Speaker 02

  Like your mannerisms.

• 30:32Mark Normand?

  I've never heard that in my entire life and I'll take it.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  I think your rehearsed, your compensations for your impulses are good.

• 30:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, thanks.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  I'm trying to say something nice. I'm saying,

• 30:43Mark Normand?

  That's very nice.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  If you're uncomfortable,

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  You do a good job masking it.

• 30:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, thank you. Thank you.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  I wouldn't say you're uncomfortable and I like the amount of eye contact you have. It's about the same as Sam.

• 30:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright, alright.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  But you give me more side. I like side.

• 30:57Sam Morril?

  Why have to look this way? No, I think he's in the harder seat.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  He is, but he's in the better seat for him.

• 31:02Sam Morril?

  We feel, I feel like,

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 31:04Sam Morril?

  I feel like we're very comfortable though.

• 31:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I've known you for, for years, but yeah.

• 31:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  He didn't wanna give it a number. He didn't wanna take a swing. I've known you for, I felt the hesitation. You're like, "Am I gonna go for it?"

• 31:14Mark Normand?

  Too many crowd work moments. "How long you guys been together?" And the guy's like, "Uh, oh shit, you're gonna get divorced, your piece is in." You're like, "Ah, leave, he's never gonna come to a show again, stop yelling at him."

• 31:23Speaker 02

  You know what I've been stepping in three times this month? Is, is this the father. Why am I asking that? What does that mean?

• 31:30Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Cause there's a moment in my act.

• 31:31Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  I don't do crowd work, per se.

• 31:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  But there are moments in my act, cause I wanna, I wanna snap myself out of it, to be honest. I don't wanna just be doing the act. So I'll go, "Does anybody have young kids?" And then I learned this from Dov Davidoff, he's so good at it.

• 31:45Sam Morril?

  Delia does the same bit.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  That is so funny. Same compliment. A five hour writer's room break. Nobody's gonna top that. Funniest thing. You went right to the top and you had it and you said it like it was nothing. It was fucking great. So, uh, sometimes a, a, a young woman in the front will say, I have a kid. I go, how old? We talked just a little bit. Usually it's just me going like, oh my God, I can't believe you're here.

• 32:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  Hang in there. And then I've been going, is this the father? And it just hasn't been the father like three times. I'm like, why am I even saying?

• 32:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:20Sam Morril?

  You only do, do the crowd work to, to help the next bit.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  That's exactly. And then you're going, well, me being a dad, it's like fucking stop saying, is this the father?

• 32:29Sam Morril?

  Well, Dangerfield definitely did on those albums where you're like, you could tell he's like, I don't want them to get sick of this rhythm. I don't want this to get baked in their mind, so I have to do it.

• 32:36Speaker 02

  I saw Mitch Hedberg and I'm not one of the greats. And around 40 minutes, I, I could have used, uh, so what's up with you?

• 32:43Mark Normand?

  I can see that.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  I could have. And, and it's because you're changing the channel every 30 seconds. Has nothing to do with how brilliant he was.

• 32:49Sam Morril?

  Exactly.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  Steven writes the same way. These, why is it worse that these guys are better?

• 32:54Sam Morril?

  I've seen Jezz Nick do it too. I mean, it's like that rhythm, you need to, you need to dip into a little bit.

• 32:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he goes, he goes a story, then he riffs on the joke itself. So he, he's smart about it.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  How are they responding?

• 33:04Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  Sometimes you don't, I don't want to ask anybody what they do, but I'll talk about how they're doing. That's a big area for me is like, you're watching me, I'm watching you. You guys are a little, you're feeling a little seven here, I'm doing you. Feeling a little seven. Why?

• 33:17Mark Normand?

  Hey, that wasn't bad.

• 33:21Mark Normand?

  Well, the first time I, I saw, not to keep bringing it back to Jerry.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Please.

• 33:24Mark Normand?

  But when he did.

• 33:25Speaker 02

  Please.

• 33:25Mark Normand?

  Okay. When he does, uh, telling you for the last time, he opens with, uh, he gets a standing O and he goes, I love the standing O. Cause there's always that one guy who doesn't want to do it. You know, he's like, are we doing this now? And I remember it being as a kid going, whoa, how'd he do that? He made a bit out of the thing that just happened.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  And on the CD.

• 33:41Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  Am I out Seinfeld-ing you right now?

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  Hold on, hit me.

• 33:45Speaker 02

  Because he opens with, uh, I can't believe you're here. I don't even know how you got tickets.

• 33:50Mark Normand?

  Yes, it's tickets. Yes.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  Broker. And then he goes, not a very good one, I see.

• 33:57Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  Huge applause.

• 33:58Mark Normand?

  Huge.

• 33:59Speaker 02

  The album of I'm Telling You For The Last Time, cause I, what I started to say was, you'll never meet a bigger Seinfeld fan. And then I don't love the video of I'm Telling You For The Last Time. Because as a comic, I feel like I can see that he didn't really want to do it.

• 34:14Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  He's going like this in between bits. Like he can't.

• 34:18Sam Morril?

  What do you mean, he didn't want to do the special or what?

• 34:20Speaker 02

  It's literally called, I'm telling you for the, I'm not roasting, I'm saying like he, he's retiring it. Right. He did it by popular demand. He doesn't want to do the Halloween bit. Trick or snap, it broke. He doesn't want to do it, and you can tell, but on the album, it's early in the tour. And he's having a fun time. Interesting. He does lines you don't see in the HBO. The HBO, I really was like, this guy's not having. Right. But that's a real premium for me. I'm watching performers to go like, are they allowing themselves to drop in and, and really be there and have? Even if it's, I've seen Jezzle Nick do it. Like, you don't have to be the kind of guy that talks about it. Yeah. But I want to know they're there. And Jerry did seem a little over it.

• 35:00Sam Morril?

  Well, end of the tour is tough because you, you are sick of the jokes.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  Sure. Film in the middle, baby. Yeah. But then you lose lines.

• 35:07Sam Morril?

  You lose lines. And then the worst is when you tape and you're still doing some of those jokes on the road to survive and you're like, I got a better ending.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  I know. I know. It always happens. Every time. There was, I have a special about to come out. I think it'll be on YouTube. And there's this moment where I'm doing God at a typewriter, basically. And he's going like this. Okay. And, and I kind of have to tell you what the bit is. It's about, I don't think God is mad at you. If there is a God, I'm saying, I don't think he's mad at you. I think it's stupider to think God is mad at you. Hmm. Like, I'm like, if you don't believe in God, that makes perfect sense. If you do believe in God, that, fine, but what makes no sense is if you think that God is mad at you. Yeah. That's the part that I don't get. I go, that's like J.K. Rowling being mad at Harry Potter. And I go like this, going, he did what? Ah, right. It's his big laugh. And then later, after I taped, I started going like this, he did what?

• 35:57Speaker 02

  That, you wouldn't believe. Interesting. Infused the whole thing, made the ending better. Just, like, I think people didn't, I don't know why they like it so much with the typewriter slide. Because God hasn't even gone up to computers. Yeah. That's gold. He's God. It's their bit. They get the pleasure of going like, because of course he has a typewriter. Yeah, that's gold. Yeah, it's true.

• 36:19Sam Morril?

  But God doesn't make mistakes.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  I, I'm, what's that? Because God doesn't make mistakes? God doesn't make mistakes. You think he has whiteout? You think he has whiteout up there? Whiteout's all in hell. No, absolutely. God, I love, I do miss these New York comic moments. Like, there's a rhythm in it. I'm just enjoying this.

• 36:39Mark Normand?

  Well, you're out in L.A. We like jokes.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  We like jokes. Oh, yeah.

• 36:44Sam Morril?

  Well, you guys don't hang as much in L.A. because you're, because it's like you're in and out. I see those shows and sometimes, sometimes I feel like the hanging I do in L.A. is when someone drops in, the show's pushed back and I'm like, oh, I haven't seen you in a while and it's a hang. But it's not like, you're not doing like three in a, the Cellar were forced to hang.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  You have three in a night. And also just New York, and I say this as a positive, it's just kind of harsh. It's, and, and when you're finally there at the table, you made it.

• 37:09Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  You made it. Like, I don't eat meat, but when I lived in New York, I didn't eat meat. Then I come to New York to visit and I'd really want to eat meat and sometimes I would. Because it was like this feeling of like, I made it. Sorry, chicken.

• 37:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Like, it was hard for me too. Like, because there's something about it.

• 37:27Sam Morril?

  Sure. That's like your cigarette.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  It is. It was like a cigarette. And smoking makes a lot more sense in New York as well.

• 37:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Drinking makes more sense in New York.

• 37:35Mark Normand?

  Porn?

• 37:36Speaker 02

  Porn, probably. Anything you can do to self-soothe and jack your dopamine. Will you please Google it?

• 37:41Mark Normand?

  I believe you. I believe you. I've jacked my dopamine many times.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  But it's true. When I, I, I live outside of the city, so I'm like the worst of it. Meaning I'll come in, but I'll get to the show early. So if I'm on, at the Comedy Store and I'm on eight, I'll be there at like 7:30. Guess who else is there? Absolutely nobody.

• 38:02Mark Normand?

  I believe it.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  There's no hummus plate. There's nothing happening.

• 38:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Chalk table. No chalk table.

• 38:08Sam Morril?

  It's good though because you're forced to hang out with comics of different generations, which I love. Like, there'll be some new guy at the table. There'll be like Greg Rogel. There'll be Keith. And it's like kind of cool that you're like, oh, this is just like, you're forced to kind of be around people.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  No, it's true.

• 38:22Sam Morril?

  Which is so freaking lost now with everyone just going at each other on social media and shit.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Completely agree.

• 38:27Mark Normand?

  Well, the, the alt scene, which you were quite a staple in back in the day.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:32Mark Normand?

  That was all comics and communities and bar shows and little weird rooms. You know, Monday, it's, it's this night. Tuesday.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  's cabin, Thursday's whiplash, whatever, we'd all go there. Now it's all online, so everything's splintered and everything's individualized. And you're actually go, it's, it's good and bad. You're going out to get the clip to get paid. You make like thousands of dollars from a good clip. And you could sell tickets off a good clip. And you can sell tickets and you can get big, maybe, I, I know I sound like an old guy, but you can possibly get big before you're ready to do a big show. Happens a lot. Yeah, it does happen a lot. But I, I do miss that, uh, the camaraderie because I, comedy is the closest thing I have to like a heritage and a culture. Same. And I know that sounds kind of corny maybe, but like, you make it. Culture is a bunch of people agreeing and things like, oh, you gotta do a thirty before you do it.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  You gotta pay for your opener's hotel, like this is our culture. Yes. And, and as I get older, I'm like, I'm glad I belong to something. It's great to belong. And then when you're in LA, you, you do belong to it less. That's why I'm glad I have Largo. I have a monthly show at Largo. Oh, there you go. You hang at Largo. Yeah. Like people are waiting to leave. Well, next time, let me know, both of you, you come do my Largo. It's so fun. It's just, I'm spoiled. Really? It's the room where, it's not the Ice House in Pasadena where they're juiced, so everything works. Crazy juiced. They're so good that everything works. And then you go, you'll delude yourself. I've got, I've started a lot of tours a few months early because I'm like, I got two hours of material.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  You go to a real place and you're, and you tell that story and you realize like, Largo's like appreciating you. Right. They like that you're being you and they understand. Like I, I was telling the story, I just did it at Largo for the first time about turning down a handjob in Toronto.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Take notes, my son. I'm just kidding. I've never turned one down. No, that's what I mean. Oh, okay, okay.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Never?

• 40:35Speaker 02

  But it was because I, well, it's for, it's, the reason of turning it down was because I didn't, I don't want a handjob. But she was amazing at giving me a back massage. It was the best massage I had ever gotten. And I was traveling back and forth to Toronto, so my body was wrecked. And I was like, please don't ruin this. Like that to me was the funniest part, was that I was praying that she didn't ask. Sure. If you don't, I'll be back tomorrow. I don't want this to be a handjob palace. And this, to me, is the funny part, is that, are you making a face because I shouldn't say handjob palace?

• 41:08Mark Normand?

  No, I love that.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:09Mark Normand?

  That's the name of my album.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  You know who can't drive? These handjob parents.

• 41:16Sam Morril?

  These goddamn, these damn Panda Kings, I'll tell ya.

• 41:19Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's an oldie.

• 41:20Sam Morril?

  That was a real Golden Noodle.

• 41:22Mark Normand?

  Wow, hey.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  One of the greats.

• 41:24Sam Morril?

  That was like your first big bit.

• 41:26Mark Normand?

  Big bit, yeah.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  It was a great, I remember where I was when I saw you do that show.

• 41:30Sam Morril?

  We should say what this is, so people listening know.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Chinaman is not that bad of a slur. It's a man from China, and even that, believe it or not, this is before, I don't know, things had gotten a little bit more, I don't know what I'm trying to say. I remember thinking that was very edgy.

• 41:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 41:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 41:49Speaker 02

  I couldn't believe you said that, even, even just dissecting it. I was like, oh wow, courageous.

• 41:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  How artistically brazen.

• 41:57Mark Normand?

  Well, we say Irishman.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  Irishman.

• 42:00Mark Normand?

  You know, so that was my, or English, he's an Englishman. So that was my, um, my, uh, thought process there.

• 42:05Sam Morril?

  And then, but then you said the names of Chinese restaurants sound way more offensive, so.

• 42:09Mark Normand?

  That was a joke.

• 42:10Sam Morril?

  Panda King, Golden Noodle.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know who can't drive? These Panda Kings.

• 42:14Mark Normand?

  Panda Kings was, and I workshopped, you know, Happy, Happy Family, Golden Noodle, uh, whatever, whatever, and Panda Kings was the biggest hit, so I opened with that one.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  He was, I remember watching you do that bit and being, not, there's, there should be a third word, it's not jealous, it's so impressed that there's almost like a morning that it's not yours, but it's not an angry morning, it's just kinda like, damn it!

• 42:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  I saw an open mic'er do a bit about how you would never order what you get at a buffet, and then,

• 42:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's funny.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  And then he just did it.

• 42:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Like, I couldn't do the bit, but it was like, and then like a little lo mein and a slice of meatloaf, but like a dollop of mashed potatoes, like an afterthought on the top.

• 42:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  And I had that, I, I still, I talk about this all the time, I was at the Parkside Lounge.

• 43:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 43:00Speaker 02

  Open mic.

• 43:01Mark Normand?

  How's him?

• 43:02Sam Morril?

  Been in like a million movies, too.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:04Mark Normand?

  Joey Gay's hilarious, we've shouted him out before, so funny.

• 43:07Sam Morril?

  Sweet Caroline?

• 43:08Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 43:09Sam Morril?

  How do you, how do you find, uh, white people camping in the woods, "Sweet Caroline?", and they all?

• 43:14Mark Normand?

  Bup, bup, bup.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  The White Rose Killer?

• 43:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  We're friends now.

• 43:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  I'm, this is what I mean by culture inherited, I'm like, we know each other.

• 43:23Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 43:24Speaker 02

  It like is an oral tradition.

• 43:25Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Anyway, there's this guy.

• 43:27Sam Morril?

  That's the name of my album.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Oral tradition.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  I've jacked my dopamine to an oral tradition or two.

• 43:36Mark Normand?

  Hand job pellets.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  That's my opening bit on handjob pellets. That would have been all three.

• 43:41Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  Anyway, this guy, uh, it was an open mic, so it was like, you know, amateurs. Guy goes on stage and he says, you ever see a kid so fatty, looks like he has a job? And I was like, that's a perfect joke.

• 43:51Mark Normand?

  That's funny.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  Perfect, it's mean, but it's perfect.

• 43:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  And I, I think about it. I know you agree, cause you both just went to this like.

• 44:02Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  It's almost, there's a third word. It's like, and I'm, now there's a fourth word. Cause I don't think that person's doing comedy. I have never heard that joke anymore.

• 44:10Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  I'm pretty sure if you Google it, it'll just be clips of me saying, who is this angel? Like a misconnection.

• 44:16Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Cause I see kids like that all the time. I'm like, this kid looks like he's retired.

• 44:19Mark Normand?

  Well, you had a line that I think about all the time was, uh, I can't even remember the setup, but the punchline was, something happened loudly in your apartment building and you went, Puerto Rico one?

• 44:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, Puerto Rico.

• 44:29Mark Normand?

  What was that joke?

• 44:30Speaker 02

  It's a very Mark Norman joke.

• 44:31Mark Normand?

  I love that joke.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  I go, I love living in New York, cause you can't tell if your apartment's haunted.

• 44:35Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Like if you live in the middle of the woods and you hear like, like it's there.

• 44:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  In New York, you can hear anything at any hour. There's always something to blame it on. And I go, uh, you hear someone moaning with chains. You're like, old man Rosenthal.

• 44:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Not for one of his midnight chain walks. And then I go, the walls could be on fire, windows breaking, things falling off the roof. You're like, ah, Puerto Rico one.

• 44:58Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  And that's such a New York joke, cause a lot of places you do it and they, they don't know.

• 45:03Mark Normand?

  Right, like a soccer game.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Soccer game.

• 45:05Sam Morril?

  Also, this is, Puerto Rico's New York. I mean.

• 45:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  Guess what? No one else knows what a Dominican is. I'm not trying to be funny.

• 45:11Mark Normand?

  I, I know what you mean.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  You go to New York, you're gonna hear about Dominican people. You're gonna see Dominican people.

• 45:17Sam Morril?

  And, and baseball. Baseball helps.

• 45:18Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 45:19Sam Morril?

  You know, you're talking about jokes that, like, you're like, how the fuck? This person's not doing it. And they have like, this guy Glenn Coyle was so funny when I was at Comic Strip. He passed away, but he had a joke I loved. It was, my girlfriend got Lou Gehrig's disease, so I traded her.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 45:35Mark Normand?

  That's very you too.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Oh, I like that joke. I tried to get ahead of it. Wow. That is such, that's a movie I don't wanna see is the five, cuz everybody thinks this at some point in their comedy career. What if five okay comedians give their, their best material to one of them?

• 45:53Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  And they split the profits, but like, that's so missing the point. The point is to stink and get better. Don't build one Voltron comic that has all your best lines.

• 46:02Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  And I do think about the people that quit and their great bits.

• 46:06Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 46:07Speaker 02

  And what happens to them.

• 46:08Mark Normand?

  And then you think about like, like if Patrice was around, what the hell would he talk about with Trump and, uh, you know, ICE and all that?

• 46:14Speaker 02

  Oh, Greg, right here.

• 46:15Mark Normand?

  Tardello, yeah.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  I would've loved to hear these guys on that. And then you, and then you realize it's up to you, like not in a corny way, it's up to you.

• 46:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  And then you go like, okay, you have to do it.

• 46:24Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  Sometimes you catch yourself going like, I'd love to hear what this person has to say about that. And you're like, well, you know, like.

• 46:31Mark Normand?

  Get on it.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  I, I think about Louis a lot cuz I, I know complicated person. I, I thought he was beautiful on Theo. I don't know if you heard him.

• 46:38Mark Normand?

  I loved it. Yeah, I loved it. I wanna listen to both.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  It was really, what do you mean both?

• 46:42Mark Normand?

  He did, he did twice.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 46:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he did one two years ago or so.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Okay, well, there was one where he really came on and was like just wise and.

• 46:49Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 46:50Speaker 02

  Smart and loving and I, I really liked it. And anyway.

• 46:54Mark Normand?

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• 47:03Speaker 02

  Brother.

• 47:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry. Brother, not brothel.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  In case you want this for all the whores.

• 47:08Mark Normand?

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• 47:44Speaker 02

  No realtor ever said Bravo when I'm taking my boxers off.

• 47:49Mark Normand?

  Yes. Uh, we love Manscaped. You gotta do it. They, they, they got the good smelling stuff. My wife wears a deodorant. She enjoys it. The underwear look great. They feel great. So, uh, get on it. Upgrade. You got the, the shit stained tighty whities there. Upgrade to the fucking Manscaped.

• 48:07Mark Normand?

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• 48:26Sam Morril?

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• 49:10Sam Morril?

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• 49:25Mark Normand?

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• 50:06Mark Normand?

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• 50:42Sam Morril?

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• 51:27Sam Morril?

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• 52:10Sam Morril?

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• 52:26Speaker 02

  Sometimes I'll be doing a bit and I'll just kinda think of him as an avatar. And it's always just like, will you fucking do it? Like, the thing I, the critique I have for most comedy is, say what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? Like, people go right up to the, not the line.

• 52:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:43Speaker 02

  I just mean, they go right up to the door, but they don't go through the door. Like, and Louis will always be like, "'Cause I'm lonely and horny and scared."

• 52:51Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 52:52Sam Morril?

  It's incredibly vulnerable.

• 52:54Speaker 02

  It's incredibly vulnerable, and it's not just vulnerable, it's nice to have the funny thing.

• 52:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  But like, we back away from the, from the thing too much.

• 53:02Mark Normand?

  I think you're right. I saw him the other night. I don't wanna give, this is one quick line, so I don't wanna give away his, his new act, but uh, he's uh, he goes, uh, "So I was, uh, dating a girl, she was much younger than me." You know, I like, I prefer younger women, 'cause you know, they're hotter. And just that to me, I'm like, I would've never thought to say that, but it's so funny.

• 53:20Sam Morril?

  I talked to him about that bit, and he was delivering it more like, a punchline.

• 53:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:24Sam Morril?

  And it wasn't hitting, and then he just says it kinda under his breath more casually, and it's killing.

• 53:29Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 53:29Sam Morril?

  It's amazing how, the written joke, it's like, dude, delivery's fucking ninety percent of it sometimes.

• 53:34Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  And you have to keep in touch with the part of you that didn't know the joke was gonna work. Like, the first time he did it, you're telegraphing, I've done it, it works. But what's actually funny about it is your inner conflict. Like, it is funny.

• 53:50Sam Morril?

  You feel bad about it.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  You feel bad about it. Yeah.

• 53:53Mark Normand?

  You, you have a joke. I'm so jealous of jokes, 'cause sometimes you gotta, you know this is funny, you just gotta stick with it. Even if they're not laughing, there's something here.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:01Mark Normand?

  I had a joke, that pedophile joke that you told me is funny, and I brought it back, and now it's one of my big-

• 54:05Speaker 02

  Which one was that?

• 54:06Mark Normand?

  About how, uh, I'll-

• 54:08Speaker 02

  I'm a good guy to run pedophile jokes, but I always believe in them.

• 54:11Mark Normand?

  Pedophilia makes me nervous, because I used to be attracted to kids. When I was a kid, I liked young girls, you know?

• 54:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:17Mark Normand?

  And then I, I also liked grape juice. Now I, I, I don't like young girls, I like girls my age. But I still like grape juice.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:25Mark Normand?

  You know? So the joke was like- I grew up with this, but not with that, and thank God.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:31Sam Morril?

  Remember when you ran that button?

• 54:31Speaker 02

  Do you know my bit?

• 54:33Mark Normand?

  What?

• 54:33Speaker 02

  No, don't worry.

• 54:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  I retired it.

• 54:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  I had a bit where I go, you'll see why I retired it.

• 54:39Sam Morril?

  It was fruit punch.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  It was fruit punch. That was so good. I was just on stage and I went, it was kinda out of nowhere, and I go, you ever give thanks you're not attracted to kids? And then I let them be uncomfortable, I go, that could've gone the other way.

• 54:53Mark Normand?

  Okay, that's funny.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  And every time a kid runs by at the pool with wet feet, and I go, look at him, I'm just like, thank fucking God. And I go, can you imagine if what you were attracted to was illegal? You're just in your weird basement, all these blank VHS tapes, and you're like, yeah, these are my vacations. It's very dark.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  That's dark, but it's true.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Which is why I cut it. But I was trying to get in, I actually have,

• 55:17Speaker 02

  I had another joke that I cut where I was like, you're afraid to die? This is unrelated. You're afraid to die? Shirley Temple died. You can't do what Shirley Temple did?

• 55:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  You're more of a candy ass than Shirley Temple? This is my best favorite part, I go, my nana died. She couldn't even speak English. I thought it was so funny.

• 55:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  Guess what? No one wants to think about pedophiles, nobody wants to think about how they're gonna die in the middle of a, I don't know.

• 55:46Sam Morril?

  Also, I don't know if people know who Shirley Temple is.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true. I tried it with, I, Mark Norman did, I tried it with different people.

• 55:52Sam Morril?

  But I think, but I think-

• 55:52Speaker 02

  I was like, Betty White died, but then they groan.

• 55:54Mark Normand?

  Right, death is tough.

• 55:56Sam Morril?

  Why are they groaning? She lasted so long.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  I know.

• 55:59Mark Normand?

  And everyone's gonna die. But my point is, you had that bit-

• 56:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:02Mark Normand?

  About trumpets.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:04Mark Normand?

  In your last special, how it only has three buttons.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  And it plays all the-

• 56:07Mark Normand?

  And it plays all this crazy-

• 56:08Speaker 02

  That's a Mark Norman.

• 56:10Mark Normand?

  But that's an idea I might have, I love the idea, but I would go, I can't get this to work, there's nothing, how do I convey this?

• 56:16Speaker 02

  You'd want to do the act out, you think?

• 56:17Mark Normand?

  No, it's not even the act out, it's just like, I don't know what the angle is, I love a good angle.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  I'll tell, well, look, I, I can't wait to talk about this.

• 56:24Mark Normand?

  Ah, lay it on me, fatty.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  You call me fatty?

• 56:27Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  I loved it.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  I'm like a little taken aback that I loved it.

• 56:32Mark Normand?

  I wouldn't say it if you were fat.

• 56:37Speaker 02

  Kurt Metzger calls soda fat so juice, which I think is so funny.

• 56:41Mark Normand?

  I heard him call, uh, what's the guy, Jake Paul, he called him Boy Hocktua.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 56:47Mark Normand?

  Jake Paul, he called him Boy Hocktua.

• 56:49Speaker 02

  That's too good.

• 56:49Mark Normand?

  I fucking fell out of my chair.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Too good. Um, with, uh, trumpet, the bits, a lot of the bits that I'm best known for, like, people come up about trumpet, people come up about life makes no fucking sense. These are like, these are like bits that like caught on.

• 57:05Mark Normand?

  The sleeping one, ah, I'm vulnerable for eight hours.

• 57:08Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go lay still in the dark for eight hours. Don't worry, my brain plays movies I'm in.

• 57:13Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  Uh, yes, but more so the trumpet and life makes no sense and a bunch of other ones. They're like early in my career jokes. They're like UCB open mic jokes. Didn't work.

• 57:24Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  Then my confidence quadrupled, and then I talk about delivery. The, the reason why trumpet is funny to me is because I'm really upset about it.

• 57:37Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Like, it's, it's an attitude. It is funny to say, uh, but even the opening, I, it was like, what's going on with the trumpet?

• 57:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  That's funny. Like, but it's the tone of my voice. It's, uh, he's mad.

• 57:49Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Three buttons? Three buttons?

• 57:53Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  It's like you owe me money.

• 57:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 57:56Speaker 02

  Three buttons and it plays all the notes. I had to go up there.

• 58:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  It didn't work if I didn't.

• 58:02Mark Normand?

  See?

• 58:02Speaker 02

  And then I go saxophone, he's got no secrets. That's, that's a joke.

• 58:06Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's funny.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  He looks you right in the eye when he shakes your hand.

• 58:08Mark Normand?

  And you get this.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  And you get this.

• 58:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's gold.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  But that joke, trumpet and life makes no sense and a whole bunch of other ones that became internet popular.

• 58:19Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Or whatever you wanna call that, viral, didn't work in clubs, didn't work. Trumpet was never on my set list, like, can't wait to do trumpet.

• 58:27Mark Normand?

  But you're stuck with it.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  You bring them back for the special. That, I wanna say is maybe my greatest contribution to stand-up, maybe, is to my people.

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  The bits that don't work, but you believe they're great, do them on your special.

• 58:41Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  Because they're your crowd and they're gonna love it.

• 58:43Sam Morril?

  I had a couple of those.

• 58:44Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 58:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, it's a little scary, cuz you're like, you're, you're easing towards it in the set on the special, and you're like, this isn't gonna fucking hit.

• 58:52Mark Normand?

  You know it's a B. You're cooking with an A, and then you're gonna drop a B in there.

• 58:55Sam Morril?

  Believe, I know what you mean. I've done it. I mean, I've a few of those.

• 59:00Mark Normand?

  You almost feel it coming. You're like, here it comes.

• 59:02Speaker 02

  But if it's not for everybody, there's a great chance that it's for a lot of people.

• 59:06Sam Morril?

  You know what I notice a lot, though? If it's a joke that's not killing, and then people are like, "Don't drop that fucking joke."

• 59:11Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 59:12Sam Morril?

  Where like after a show, they're like, "Oh my god, that one didn't hit." And they're like, "No, that was my favorite one."

• 59:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  That's my favorite comedy thing. When Mulaney did his first, I don't know what it was, maybe Tonight Show or something? He, uh, I used to watch him do this joke about Trump. It's brilliant.

• 59:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's coming.

• 59:27Speaker 02

  Trump looks like what a homeless person thinks a rich person is.

• 59:31Mark Normand?

  Great bit.

• 59:32Speaker 02

  And he goes, "When I, when my train comes in, I'm gonna have tall buildings with my name on them." And then he would go, "Fine golden hair." And fine golden hair never worked. And I, just like any comedian, I was like, "Fine golden hair is the funniest part of the bit."

• 59:47Mark Normand?

  That's hilarious.

• 59:48Speaker 02

  It's so funny. And he was like, "But it doesn't work." He did, I'm very proud of this, but he did on the Tonight Show, crushed.

• 59:54Mark Normand?

  Crushed.

• 59:54Speaker 02

  Because sometimes, there's a difference between a knife fight set

• 59:58Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  and the home run derby of a taping.

• 1:00:01Mark Normand?

  Mmm, that's good.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  And what I like about the internet now is, is you can catch that random set where maybe you're not cooking with As, and then your B suddenly is better than the Cs, and it pops.

• 1:00:12Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  And get the footage of it, 'cause I'm like, I don't know. I'm a big believer in like, if you thought it was funny.

• 1:00:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, 'cause we go off laughs, and that's our feedback. But just 'cause they're not laughing, doesn't mean...

• 1:00:24Sam Morril?

  And also, sometimes the line is just really clever, and it's like a part of a story. Like, I had a line last night, my manager did the show, and she goes, "I love this line."

• 1:00:31Mark Normand?

  She?

• 1:00:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm a fucking, I'm a good dude.

• 1:00:35Mark Normand?

  Ah! He also watches WNBA.

• 1:00:37Sam Morril?

  I do.

• 1:00:37Mark Normand?

  Just saying.

• 1:00:38Sam Morril?

  Ally. I do, I do it to tell people I'm a good person, but, uh, no, she goes, "You have this line." I'm telling a story about how I hate, it's a long story, but I say, one of the lines she liked was, "I say fuck Long Island iced tea drinkers. You know, pick a spirit and be an adult." And it's just the way I say it. She's like, "Oh, that's..." And it doesn't really hit, but it kinda helps the story.

• 1:00:59Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:01:00Sam Morril?

  'Cause it's just like, they don't know how to drink.

• 1:01:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true. Give me all of them. That could be a whole bit.

• 1:01:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  Fuck you. If, look, I know some of you are drinking Long Island iced teas, but fuck you. Long Island iced tea, pick a liquor.

• 1:01:12Sam Morril?

  I've never, I've never met one of those that I like.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  No. Can I run a pre, it reminds me of this premise I'm working on is, uh... It'll never be this way, but this is how I think it should be. Where does rice get off? Oh, here we go. You want me? I'll be ready in three hours. Fucking political comedians come on here. The bad boy of comedy is back. Put some caution tape on his mouth, will ya? I think that's so funny. It does take a while. Unmarried New Yorkers, you're not cooking rice. I'm married, I'm married. You're married? With a kid. Jesus Christ. I have been gone a while, I didn't know.

• 1:01:50Sam Morril?

  It's my kid, but she's ready. But you know, uh, no, it's something funny too, and maybe there's an angle for instant rice, like it's not as good.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  It's not.

• 1:01:58Sam Morril?

  You get it quickly.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  You get it quickly. It's like the IBF. It makes you earn it, and then what is it, an edible plate? I don't have the bit. I'm just like, it's nothing. Yeah. If, you're gonna put that much, you ever check rice? It's always hard. I know. More time. That's true. And then it's like, I'm ready for you to put something delicious on me? Fuck you, Long Island Ice Tea, pick a liquor. Right. By the way, that's an underused device to put a punchline from the last thing on the thing. Like, you don't have it? So you say the attitude is the same, the bits are attitude brothers?

• 1:02:33Sam Morril?

  Leather jacket comedian.

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  Fuck you. Put a real foot on the monitor.

• 1:02:38Sam Morril?

  Fuck you.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  You know what's funny? When I was at the Boston here on West Third Street, I would mimic the comics. I'd put my foot on the table. Yeah. Lean forward.

• 1:02:47Sam Morril?

  You're mimicking relaxation.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:49Sam Morril?

  You see like Ted Alexandro leaning against the wall, you're like, oh, I'll lean. And you're like, I remember I was, I sat down for a bit once and Greer Barnes pulled me aside afterwards. He's like, never sit down again. And I was like, why? And he's like, cause you're not a story, you're like a joke guy. And I was like, oh, it was, he was helping me.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  Unless you're gonna unfold a newspaper. Right.

• 1:03:06Sam Morril?

  Or you're really fat.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  I love those comics.

• 1:03:08Sam Morril?

  You gotta be really fat or like a storyteller.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  Well, now he's medium J O or something, I don't care.

• 1:03:13Sam Morril?

  But he's a storyteller.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  Stop losing your gimmick. That's true.

• 1:03:16Sam Morril?

  You got the stories.

• 1:03:17Speaker 02

  This guy Ozempic'd his gimmick away. I'm just kidding, he's not on Ozempic.

• 1:03:20Sam Morril?

  Who is it?

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  He might be. He might be, we don't know. He's on every other drug. Sometimes I get the Ozempic.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Sometimes they get the pick face. That's true.

• 1:03:28Sam Morril?

  He lost so much weight, he has to get smaller fingerless gloves.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  So he's back down to a child's medium. He had to take a few kinks out of the chain. He has to take them off of Michael Jackson dolls.

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  I had a really good, Michael Jackson joke where I go, and I cut this too, I go, uh, I watched this interview, this is real. Michael Jackson was on, being interviewed by Barbara Walters and she goes, "Michael, all real, how do you feel when you see the headline, wacko jacko?" This is also real. He goes, "I don't like it because it's Jackson." And I go, "He was mad at the jacko part." Right. It's wacko. That's funny. Wacko is the mean part. I go, "If your name, uh, if the word for wacko was waxen, we would have called you waxen Jackson." That's like, you're getting mad at the wrong part. Like, "Did you see what old kid fucking Mike did?" And he comes out and he's like, "It's Michael." That's great.

• 1:04:21Sam Morril?

  That's a good joke.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  "I used to love it." You know what that's a prototype of? It wasn't even that. It was just like, sometimes a joke gets cut because it takes too much effort.

• 1:04:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:30Speaker 02

  I like doing it with you guys, but five shows in a week and I'm like, "Kid fucking Mike." I gotta go. A lot of the jokes that make it are the Camrys. You know what I mean? The reliables. The reliables.

• 1:04:42Sam Morril?

  I used to have a joke where I'd say, uh, where I'd say, "You know what I like about pedophiles is it's the only group that, that doesn't complain when you make fun of them."

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  Oh, that's great.

• 1:04:51Sam Morril?

  I've never done it at a show and some guy stands up like, "We've had enough."

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  Very, very funny. Reminds me of Gaffigan. Alcoholism is the only disease you can get mad at someone for having.

• 1:05:01Sam Morril?

  I thought that was Hedberg.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  No, that's Gaffigan.

• 1:05:04Sam Morril?

  Didn't Hedberg?

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  Oh no, is it Hedberg?

• 1:05:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. "Dammit Otto, you have lupus."

• 1:05:08Speaker 02

  That is Hedberg. There you go. Lupus, funny word. Just ask Orney. I guess I have psoriasis now. Oh, I'm sorry. I look around, I'm the only one on the bus. That's a good bit. Yeah, I got a good Orney.

• 1:05:20Sam Morril?

  Gaffigan, uh, Gaffigan has this great bit about drinking though.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  I was.

• 1:05:23Sam Morril?

  Gaffigan's got that-

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  I'm sorry.

• 1:05:26Sam Morril?

  That's fucking good.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. You can have me on the pod? Welcome back to- Sam Morril won't book me on the pod. We might be drunk, we might be resentful. Wow, that's incredible. Very good Orney. I need him to get much bigger. Yeah. So I can do that on the road. Now we never have to book him.

• 1:05:44Speaker 02

  I love you, Ornie. He's gonna hear this and he's gonna hate it.

• 1:05:47Mark Normand?

  Funny guy, sweet guy.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  He's a friend of mine. I love him. He's so, I really, I am saying this to make up for the riff, but he's like way funnier than, I'm just saying, if you watch his YouTube special, you're like, this guy's going like, like at a Carlin clip. I mean it.

• 1:06:06Mark Normand?

  For an hour.

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  For an hour and with takes, like he's saying something. So there you go, Ornie, don't be mad.

• 1:06:12Mark Normand?

  Crushes.

• 1:06:12Speaker 02

  He murders.

• 1:06:13Sam Morril?

  Well, I was telling this Gaffigan joke, you know the joke about, uh, how you realize how much of an alcoholic you are when you can't get the bartender's attention immediately?

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  That's funny.

• 1:06:21Sam Morril?

  And you just start, and you're like, that's so, every time I heard a bar, I think of it.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:06:25Speaker 02

  I think of Brian Regan every time I'm in New York, and he's like, you get in the elevator and that door close button is washed off to a nub.

• 1:06:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  Cause everyone in New York is, it's true.

• 1:06:35Mark Normand?

  So true. Great observation.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  Every elevator.

• 1:06:37Mark Normand?

  Back to your, um...

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  Big old dick.

• 1:06:41Mark Normand?

  Kid fucking Mike, or whatever.

• 1:06:43Sam Morril?

  I love Kid Fucking Mike.

• 1:06:44Mark Normand?

  Seinfeld had the joke where he goes, uh, Bozo the Clown. I like how we need, do we really need the clown? Is anyone like, uh, Bozo the District Attorney, Bozo the Pope? And that's very similar, but, uh...

• 1:06:57Sam Morril?

  District Attorney is perfect.

• 1:06:59Mark Normand?

  Perfect!

• 1:06:59Sam Morril?

  You know he must've tried a bunch, cause District Attorney is perfect.

• 1:07:02Mark Normand?

  It's the symbol for Boron. Boron is great. How'd he pick Boron?

• 1:07:06Sam Morril?

  Taxi bit.

• 1:07:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's got the best choices.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  The O with the line through.

• 1:07:10Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:07:11Sam Morril?

  He did that one on Dangerfield, remember?

• 1:07:13Mark Normand?

  That set is lights out.

• 1:07:15Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:07:15Sam Morril?

  It was that Dangerfield, uh...

• 1:07:17Mark Normand?

  Young comedian special.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:07:19Sam Morril?

  So it'd be like Dangerfield, he had like Kinnison on that one?

• 1:07:21Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep.

• 1:07:22Sam Morril?

  And the other one was like...

• 1:07:23Mark Normand?

  Bill Hicks, maybe?

• 1:07:24Sam Morril?

  No, he was on the other one.

• 1:07:25Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:07:25Sam Morril?

  But that was, dude, he gives, this is his intro for Bill Hicks. His next comic is so far ahead of his time, his parents even haven't even met yet. That's fucking your intro?

• 1:07:34Mark Normand?

  He wrote a joke for an intro for a random guy.

• 1:07:37Speaker 02

  Somebody did. I'm not trying to take it away from you.

• 1:07:41Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 1:07:41Speaker 02

  Schimmel on that one?

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:07:44Speaker 02

  Robert Schimmel, great.

• 1:07:45Mark Normand?

  He had the great joke. Yeah, yeah. Schimmel had the great joke, uh, so I bought this cream, you know, it makes your penis bigger. They say you rub it on, then you realize I got scammed because my hands didn't get bigger. And you're like, "Go!"

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  If that worked, you'd be walking around with one Mickey Mouse hand.

• 1:08:00Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly. Back to your tr- I love jokes like this. Jasper Redd, remember this guy?

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:07Mark Normand?

  That's a deep cut. I think he's quit. He had some gold. I thought he was gonna be the next, you know, who knows what? Steven Wright or something. He had a great mind, but he had this bit about how the horn in the car is the weirdest sound to show anger. He's like, "This is the sound we've chosen when you're pissed off, you're like road rage." He's like, "That's like going up to somebody who cut you off in line and going, 'Hang on.'"

• 1:08:34Mark Normand?

  And it was so good.

• 1:08:37Speaker 02

  That's very good.

• 1:08:38Mark Normand?

  I've ruined it, but...

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  That's very, very good. You made me think of another bit.

• 1:08:41Mark Normand?

  Sorry.

• 1:08:42Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, so I did a- at Housing Works on Houston Street.

• 1:08:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was a great show.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Me and Jesse Klein, then later me and Joe. There was this guy, I wish I remembered his name, but I don't know, I haven't seen him in 20 years, I think it's safe. He had this bit, I'm standing with Jamie Lee and we both were like, "What the fuck is happening?" It was the best. And he goes, "I love the Weather Channel, no matter what the news is, they still got that music."

• 1:09:09Mark Normand?

  Phil Murphy.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  Phil Murphy?

• 1:09:10Mark Normand?

  I know that bit, yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  He's like, "In Miami today, it's mild and 73."

• 1:09:15Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:09:18Speaker 02

  He'd do the music real good and be like, "Tsunami warning, coming in, please hide your children."

• 1:09:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:26Speaker 02

  It doesn't blow my mind now, but when I saw him, it blew my mind.

• 1:09:29Mark Normand?

  No, he had great observations like that.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  What was his name?

• 1:09:33Mark Normand?

  Phil Murphy.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  I remember Phil, yeah.

• 1:09:34Mark Normand?

  Long blonde hair, yeah.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, long blonde hair. He also did it. You wanted to see him do slapnades and dancing and it was great.

• 1:09:41Mark Normand?

  Remember the first time you heard the guy do, "What's going on with Indian music? Do they have one recording artist over there?"

• 1:09:48Mark Normand?

  And he's like, "Let me change the channel."

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  Is it the same guy?

• 1:09:52Mark Normand?

  No, different guy, but I remember being like, "Oh, that's amazing."

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  I know it's a bad bit, but I'm still laughing.

• 1:09:56Mark Normand?

  It's gold, because everyone's done it by now, but in 1989, that was brilliant.

• 1:10:00Speaker 02

  My version of that is if I'm in a Chinese restaurant, I go, "Can you be quiet? This is my favorite song." I just think that's a solid life bit.

• 1:10:08Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  Or if it's a massage parlor, it's just kind of like ethereal. You're like, can you be quiet? This is my favorite song.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  But Louis would be like, what are you really saying? And a ding ding ding ding.

• 1:10:18Mark Normand?

  Well, I have a thing with my wife where we call it the 85% rule. Cause I'll just do jokes like that to anyone and 85% of the time, they don't respond.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 1:10:27Mark Normand?

  And she's like, there's your 85%. I'll do a silly Uber joke with the driver, nothing.

• 1:10:32Speaker 02

  Yo, yeah.

• 1:10:33Mark Normand?

  And so we call it the 85% thing.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  I have life bits.

• 1:10:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  What else are dads? You gotta do the bits.

• 1:10:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I was doing that 25 years ago.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 1:10:40Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  Well, remember the reason I got Montreal was because, uh, it was Mulaney. I was checking into a hotel. We were on a tour together and they said, okay, one of the rooms we have is a non-smoking queen. And I went, that's me.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  Cigarettes, PU. I really said this.

• 1:10:59Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  And Mulaney doesn't laugh, of course.

• 1:11:02Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  I just mean because I'm just being sweaty and young. And he looks at me and goes, you're like a fun dad, you know that? That's your energy. And I learned another great piece of comedy advice. If someone you respect makes fun of you, write it down. And then I just, I started saying on stage, I know it's weird that I'm on stage. I have the energy of a fun dad. And that's another thing.

• 1:11:25Mark Normand?

  I remember that. Fun dip.

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Well, fun dip is a different thing.

• 1:11:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  I love that your brain thinks in letters, clearly.

• 1:11:31Mark Normand?

  Ah, yes.

• 1:11:32Speaker 02

  That was a little glimpse into how you're kind of assembling.

• 1:11:34Sam Morril?

  Letters, no eye contact. We know we have.

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  You're just that board at Grand Central. Fun dad, fun dip. Fun dad, fun dip. But different meaning, not on the board.

• 1:11:44Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:11:46Sam Morril?

  Sometimes you get zinged by someone, you're like, that's fucking good.

• 1:11:49Mark Normand?

  Dude, there's a guy, this guy Sean Murphy is really funny. I use him on the road. He's an odd looking fellow, tall, crazy face. And Dave Attell goes, you look like a butler at a haunted house.

• 1:11:59Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:12:00Mark Normand?

  And now it's in his act.

• 1:12:01Speaker 02

  It's his opener.

• 1:12:02Mark Normand?

  It's brilliant, yes.

• 1:12:03Speaker 02

  You're an idiot.

• 1:12:03Mark Normand?

  You gotta use it.

• 1:12:04Sam Morril?

  Judah Freeland called Ray Allen, he had the hair like this and he goes, you look like a nickel.

• 1:12:09Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:12:10Sam Morril?

  And he's been using it, it's his best bit.

• 1:12:12Speaker 02

  That's not his? No. Oh my god. Josh Lieb, who was a writer, is a writer, I think he ran Fallon, he might still, I don't know. But we were in a writer's room together, and he said to me, he goes, Pete, you look like there's a million different universes, each one slightly different from the last, and this is the only one where you're not a youth pastor? Ah. And of course, I said, can I have that? Yeah, yeah. It became my most, that and Fun Dad. Wow. And that's when I got Montreal, because I didn't know who I was, you don't know who you are, and people start telling you who you are, seems kinda mean, but an idiot would have been like, I'm not a youth pastor, go out and buy a jacket. Exactly. I was just like, that's mine now. If I do a corporate, I still do that joke. Yeah. I'm gonna be like, you guys don't know me, I know it looks like I'm a youth pastor, and, and...

• 1:12:57Speaker 02

  And it gets it out of the way, it's a perfect opener, too. And Lesbian Val Kilmer. Oh. Damn, I don't think, I think... That's good. I think I wrote Lesbian Val Kilmer, but it was like, I slowly put it together.

• 1:13:08Sam Morril?

  Those were the early bits, where you're like, I gotta get him, I gotta get him quickly with something surface or self-deprecating.

• 1:13:15Speaker 02

  They're spattering of applause, they're barely applauding, and you go, I know you guys are excited, like, look, it's Val Kilmer, that's how I used to open, and then I would go, I had a bit about being tall and you can't hide, and I was like, I'd have to just stand really still and hope people thought I was, I think I said Prince William, when I was... Oh, yeah. And then I go, you can't do two look-alike jokes, and I'd go, John Ritter, three. Ah, that's fun. Now, comedy really has thankfully come along. Yeah, yeah. That's not that impressive, but back then, that was a slick move. Sure, no, that works. I know I'm doing comedy. Yes, yes, that was big, that got too big for a while. It got too big. Yeah.

• 1:13:53Sam Morril?

  Well, then you get the people who are like, doing too much ironic comedy, I don't even know if you could write a regular joke at this point.

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  No, yeah, exactly. No, it drives me crazy, the guy who does the character, I don't mean a particular person, because there were so many, that there, the bit was, I'm a comedian who sucks. Mm-hmm. And I'm like...

• 1:14:07Sam Morril?

  I think you suck.

• 1:14:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, you just suck. Exactly. You just found a way to get up there. Yeah, you're a coward.

• 1:14:13Mark Normand?

  But I, I have a thing where no one looks at, like, I go on stage, people just start talking. I have, I don't have no presence on stage. So, uh, I go up, uh, back in the old days, and I'd go, uh, "Hey, hey, cleavage." Just 'cause then they go, "Gee, what the fuck?"

• 1:14:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:14:28Mark Normand?

  And then the girl's like, "Woo!"

• 1:14:29Speaker 02

  Well, that's like Dove Davidoff. He'd go up and he'd go, "Pussy."

• 1:14:32Mark Normand?

  Ohhh. I thought he had Tourette's.

• 1:14:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:35Mark Normand?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:14:36Speaker 02

  He was doing a Tourette's guy.

• 1:14:37Mark Normand?

  Ohhh.

• 1:14:37Speaker 02

  He'd do all that and he'd go, "You ever do acid and then 15 minutes later, you're on stage doing comedy?"

• 1:14:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I like-

• 1:14:44Speaker 02

  He also, the thing I was saying I learned from Dove is even though I don't do crowd work, is I will, and he's not the only person that does this, I say defensively. I'm just saying I learned it from watching him.

• 1:14:53Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  You anchor in the crowd a few different places.

• 1:14:56Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  My mom, like, the, the woman who's a mom, the mom knows.

• 1:15:00Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 1:15:01Speaker 02

  This guy knows, like, the guy that I called Jack Black knows, like, he's- Again, going back to what we were talking about at the beginning, to me, the death of stand-up is when you realize you're just doing the album, or you're just, you're phoning it in, basically.

• 1:15:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  You're just doing it at them. Again, some people can get away with that with really good jokes. I think both of you guys can do that. No, you get, you get on autopilot sometimes. You, I feel it. Mine, mine doesn't work, and that's actually kinda great. Like, I, my favorite jokes of mine don't work if I'm not in touch with them. This is kinda pretentious, but Bono has this joke where he goes, "If I'm not feel-"

• 1:15:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:15:38Speaker 02

  Bono, from U2, says, "I can't hit the note if I'm not feeling it," and I really relate to that.

• 1:15:42Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  I can't make them laugh unless I'm going, "This is why I think that's funny."

• 1:15:47Mark Normand?

  Well, all your jokes are pretty emotional.

• 1:15:49Speaker 02

  That's, that's exactly-

• 1:15:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:51Speaker 02

  The joke is, like, there was another, I was like, electric eels? When's the last time you thought about that?

• 1:15:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  There's eels with electricity in them? It's like finding out there's a seahorse that transmits wifi. Everyone's just like, "Okay, what's the password?" Like, we just accept it?

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  But like, that's an okay joke, but just, try just saying it.

• 1:16:11Speaker 02

  That's not, it's not gonna hit. I have some jokes that are like that. You ever, you ever poop your pants, you pee, sorry. You ever, you ever have to poop so bad, you pee second? That's a joke.

• 1:16:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a great line.

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  You can just say that.

• 1:16:22Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  I said that when the lady fell.

• 1:16:23Sam Morril?

  That's like a silly Carlin type of joke.

• 1:16:25Speaker 02

  It is.

• 1:16:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:26Sam Morril?

  Like, like those books he would do with those silly jokes?

• 1:16:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I remember those.

• 1:16:30Speaker 02

  Like brain droppings.

• 1:16:31Mark Normand?

  Yes, the weather vane, it's got a cock on it, because if it was a, the wind would blow right through it.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  That's hilarious.

• 1:16:36Mark Normand?

  That's, that's Carlin.

• 1:16:37Sam Morril?

  That's great.

• 1:16:38Speaker 02

  My wife said, "You ever have to poop so bad, you pee second?" And I was like, "That's mine, no."

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  Have you written anything? Jesus Christ, Doug Davidoff, Mulaney, Josh Leib.

• 1:16:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, these are the, these are the, you ever see the special thanks in my specials? Pages.

• 1:16:54Mark Normand?

  It's like the Quran.

• 1:16:54Speaker 02

  It's actually, those are the credits.

• 1:16:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't mind sharing that my wife says hilarious things, because I think there's two skills, writing your own stuff and then noticing.

• 1:17:07Mark Normand?

  Hearing it.

• 1:17:07Speaker 02

  Because she just said it. I'm not saying this defensively at all, my wife is hilarious, but she says funny things all the time. There's a sound, and I go, that's a, and it became my most reliable one liner.

• 1:17:19Sam Morril?

  How'd you meet your wife?

• 1:17:20Speaker 02

  I met her at, um, Cobb's.

• 1:17:22Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:17:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, in San Francisco.

• 1:17:24Speaker 02

  In San Francisco. I used to do meet and greets. I, I, I think COVID stopped them, and then I realized it was kind of exhausting me.

• 1:17:31Mark Normand?

  It's very exhausting.

• 1:17:32Speaker 02

  I like doing it. I did, I just did a show in New Jersey, and I ended up doing kind of an impromptu one, because I started talking to someone, and then everybody came around. I was like, you know what, they, they were really great crowds, so I did it. But then I remember the reason I don't do them, even though I used to, is because then I'm falling asleep at night or trying to. And not only am I playing back the set involuntarily, just going over what worked, what needs to cut, what needs to move. I'm also replaying what I said to everybody, just because like, sometimes it's a big moment for them, and I was just like, "Well, that's why the Nazis were..." He's like, "Well, why did I say that?" Like, some weird, social, awkward.

• 1:18:09Mark Normand?

  Story of my life.

• 1:18:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. And I was like, it's just too costly. I, I can't have that. Like, I was doing a show in Chicago, and I was like, "Do you have any kids?" That moment, and he goes, These are my kids. And then that night, I'm just like, I can't believe I talked about Hitler's dad jizzing and his kids were there. You know what I mean? Like, it just will keep me up at night.

• 1:18:28Mark Normand?

  I'm the same way.

• 1:18:29Sam Morril?

  But they, but they enjoyed it together, you know?

• 1:18:31Speaker 02

  I hope so.

• 1:18:32Sam Morril?

  For sure.

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  My family's just so far from that.

• 1:18:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  I can't imagine a family having a shared interest.

• 1:18:37Sam Morril?

  I see it all the time in the front row, like a father and son. I'm like, that's fucking awesome.

• 1:18:40Mark Normand?

  I know, I'm jealous.

• 1:18:42Speaker 02

  I'll take a father and son, but as soon as mom's in the mix.

• 1:18:47Speaker 02

  I get worried.

• 1:18:47Mark Normand?

  But I can't even get my dad to go to my show. So whenever I see a dad and a kid, I'm like, wow, what a.

• 1:18:53Sam Morril?

  Can he go to Skank Fest?

• 1:18:56Sam Morril?

  Do your parents really not go to your shows?

• 1:18:58Mark Normand?

  Ah, I think they've been to five. I've been doing it 20 years. Yeah.

• 1:19:02Speaker 02

  I tell my parents not to come to my shows, though, because.

• 1:19:05Sam Morril?

  Not only do my parents come, but they're like, you're doing Carnegie Hall? My mom, my mom was like, I need 25 comps. I'm like, oh, cool. There, there goes all of them.

• 1:19:12Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:19:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, geez.

• 1:19:13Speaker 02

  By the way, I can't believe you're doing it. That's amazing.

• 1:19:15Sam Morril?

  It's fun.

• 1:19:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's big.

• 1:19:16Speaker 02

  You know why you should be, obviously, really excited, but those venues, so I just did Town Hall. It's, it's not sick.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  One of the best, one of the best venues ever.

• 1:19:24Speaker 02

  Those ones that are acoustically designed.

• 1:19:26Sam Morril?

  It's perfect.

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  And Carnegie Hall is like a, you don't even need a, I haven't played it, but I've been there. You don't even need a mic, because it's designed for Yo-Yo Ma.

• 1:19:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:19:34Speaker 02

  They'll be able to like, lock in. Music, like, fine orchestral music venues are perfect.

• 1:19:41Mark Normand?

  Yes, built for speakers.

• 1:19:43Speaker 02

  For stand-up is movie theaters.

• 1:19:45Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:19:46Speaker 02

  To dampen sound.

• 1:19:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:48Speaker 02

  So you're going the opposite. You're gonna be like Ray Romano, great comedy record, recorded at Carnegie Hall.

• 1:19:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:54Speaker 02

  And he goes, Carnegie fucking Hall.

• 1:19:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:58Sam Morril?

  And he goes, dude, you have a lot in your.

• 1:19:59Speaker 02

  Only curse of the hour. It's the only one.

• 1:20:03Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:20:03Sam Morril?

  You got a lot in your bag.

• 1:20:05Mark Normand?

  I did a set at this movie theater.

• 1:20:06Speaker 02

  I try to do them more now, because people are like, I didn't know you did them. Go ahead.

• 1:20:08Mark Normand?

  I did it, it's over. It was gonna be a horrible joke. Did a set in a movie theater in Aurora, uh, right before Joker.

• 1:20:14Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 1:20:14Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  I liked it.

• 1:20:16Mark Normand?

  I killed.

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  I didn't mind it.

• 1:20:18Mark Normand?

  I shouldn't have repeated it.

• 1:20:19Speaker 02

  Because I started talking about how people don't ask me to do impressions, that it ruined that bit.

• 1:20:23Mark Normand?

  Ah, I like the impressions.

• 1:20:26Speaker 02

  I do it.

• 1:20:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Who else you got?

• 1:20:30Speaker 02

  I don't know, I sometimes forget, Wahlberg?

• 1:20:32Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:20:33Sam Morril?

  Wahlberg.

• 1:20:34Speaker 02

  Hey, how's it going?

• 1:20:36Speaker 02

  It's good to be here. You guys might be drunk, huh? You should eat more burgers.

• 1:20:39Sam Morril?

  We almost had him, didn't we?

• 1:20:41Speaker 02

  Andre the Giant. Really?

• 1:20:42Sam Morril?

  We almost had Wahlberg. We had him on the line, and then what happened?

• 1:20:44Speaker 02

  You guys should have me on your show.

• 1:20:46Sam Morril?

  He wanted to tape at 4:30 in the morning.

• 1:20:49Speaker 02

  4:30 in the morning?

• 1:20:49Sam Morril?

  No, I'm kidding. He's always waking up at like 4:00 in the morning.

• 1:20:52Speaker 02

  I don't buy it.

• 1:20:53Mark Normand?

  He's gotta pray.

• 1:20:54Speaker 02

  I gotta pray to God? Then I gotta do Transformers 9.

• 1:21:00Speaker 02

  I'm kidding, he probably does do it. What am I, who am I to say? I do think it's funny, the bigger people get, the less relatable they are, and the more we listen to them.

• 1:21:09Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's a premise. That's good.

• 1:21:13Sam Morril?

  Seriously, it is a premise.

• 1:21:14Mark Normand?

  That's good, yeah.

• 1:21:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, you know, what my example is me. I'm always like, "Just go around and be kind." "Oh, is it easy to be kind when you're a famous comedian?" You know what I mean?

• 1:21:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:26Speaker 02

  "I got a juice, the guy wanted to take his picture with me." "Yeah, you might put a smile on your face, you know what I mean?" Walking around.

• 1:21:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:21:33Speaker 02

  Especially in New York, every 25th person, you're like...

• 1:21:36Sam Morril?

  Also, a lot of the people telling you to be kind are the worst fucking people.

• 1:21:39Speaker 02

  Say what?

• 1:21:40Sam Morril?

  A lot of the people telling you to be kind are the worst fucking people.

• 1:21:42Mark Normand?

  Ellen.

• 1:21:43Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 1:21:44Mark Normand?

  That was her whole thing, "Be kind."

• 1:21:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then she got mean-tude.

• 1:21:48Sam Morril?

  But that's also...

• 1:21:50Speaker 02

  I got mean-tude.

• 1:21:51Sam Morril?

  It is people where you're just like, "Just be kind," then you see their social media, you're like, "You're insane."

• 1:21:55Speaker 02

  No, we're back to protest too much.

• 1:21:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  If you're going around reminding everybody to be kind, it's probably an issue.

• 1:22:01Mark Normand?

  You know how people used to get drunk and you'd go, "Oh, that's the real him." That's what social media does to a lot of people. That's the new drunk, where you're like, "Oh, this is the real you."

• 1:22:09Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 1:22:09Mark Normand?

  That's scary.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  What's an example of that? I'm trying to...

• 1:22:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, just like crazy tweets, or like some crazy rant about something.

• 1:22:16Sam Morril?

  Trying to just...

• 1:22:17Mark Normand?

  Piling on.

• 1:22:18Sam Morril?

  ...use your energy to just ruin people over nothing.

• 1:22:20Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:22:21Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:22:21Speaker 02

  I see that on the internet. I go on, the only social thing I go on is YouTube, brag. But I have to tell it all the time, not interested. Like, cause there's so many like mean spirited. I am a hot chick. No, no, thank you. But it's because there's so many videos that people make. So I'll watch people doing stand up. I'll watch them on a late night or whatever. And then it starts like, what happened to, take your pick. It doesn't matter who it is. The da- the rise and fall of Sarah Silverman. That's not a real one. But these really mean ones.

• 1:22:53Mark Normand?

  There's a million of those.

• 1:22:54Sam Morril?

  And what happened was. Literally, what's her name from the Bridget Fonda? What happened to her? What happened to Bridget Fonda? She was in a car crash.

• 1:23:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:23:00Sam Morril?

  And you're fucking, you're trying to make her feel bad. Yeah.

• 1:23:03Speaker 02

  Clickbaiting it.

• 1:23:03Mark Normand?

  Bridget Honda.

• 1:23:04Speaker 02

  But people, especially, that's good.

• 1:23:06Mark Normand?

  Sorry.

• 1:23:06Speaker 02

  Very, very good. I'm just trying to think. Bridgestone and Honda?

• 1:23:10Mark Normand?

  Not interested.

• 1:23:13Speaker 02

  But somebody sent me, they were like, oh, you need to see this thing. They're talking about Joe, Joe Rogan and his influence or something. But I'm watching it and it's a real hit piece.

• 1:23:22Mark Normand?

  There's a million of those on him.

• 1:23:24Speaker 02

  I know. It's crazy.

• 1:23:25Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 1:23:25Speaker 02

  And I'm watching it and they're doing like a montage of like how comedy sucks. I'm in the montage.

• 1:23:32Speaker 02

  And I was like, you know what? Shame on me. I shouldn't have even been watching it anyway.

• 1:23:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:38Speaker 02

  And I'm not like anti Joe or anything. It was just like, somebody was like, it's important. Like you should see how they're affecting elections or whatever. So I think I'm educating myself. And then I got, I'm in the.

• 1:23:48Sam Morril?

  You're in some hotel room alone trying to wind down.

• 1:23:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:51Sam Morril?

  You know who else sucks? You.

• 1:23:53Speaker 02

  And then you just go like, yeah, good for me. That was a good moment for me.

• 1:23:57Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:23:58Speaker 02

  Because if I was at his level, you think you couldn't make a video about how I stink? You know what I mean? Like, that's kind of my point. Almost any person, you could make a 15 minute video about how they're the greatest or that they're the worst.

• 1:24:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:11Speaker 02

  And then they, once they get to a certain level, it's, they, nobody, you don't get a lot of clicks being like, maybe you do.

• 1:24:17Sam Morril?

  You know, you know who's a cool guy? Yeah. That's, look at every New York Post.

• 1:24:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Every newspaper.

• 1:24:23Mark Normand?

  Well, remember that old Brighleya joke where he said, uh, I went to a nightclub, which was good because my self-esteem was hovering at normal and I wanted to take it down a few notches? That's the internet.

• 1:24:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:31Mark Normand?

  You know, I'll be like, oh, let me, let me open this up. And then it's like, you curly haired freak, kill yourself, you're a hack.

• 1:24:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:37Mark Normand?

  One guy was like, uh, you're doing a Mulaney bit. You're a thief. And I was like.

• 1:24:40Speaker 02

  I got accused of doing.

• 1:24:41Mark Normand?

  I was like, maybe I am.

• 1:24:43Speaker 02

  I got accused of doing a Mulaney bit because I have a bit about the captcha test.

• 1:24:47Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:24:47Speaker 02

  And Mulaney has a bit about the captcha test.

• 1:24:49Mark Normand?

  A lot of people have a captcha.

• 1:24:50Speaker 02

  Of course. You know that. I don't have to explain it to you, but the comment was, and I never, I don't know why I saw this, but it was like, he should have just put Mulaney's bit on a laptop and pressed play and then I did watch it. It was just the premise.

• 1:25:03Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:25:04Speaker 02

  That captcha tests exist.

• 1:25:05Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:25:06Speaker 02

  And I was like, what is happening?

• 1:25:08Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:25:09Sam Morril?

  When someone's famous enough, they think they just own the premise sometimes.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:12Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true. Yeah.

• 1:25:15Sam Morril?

  I've heard that too, but then also.

• 1:25:16Speaker 02

  Captcha test?

• 1:25:17Sam Morril?

  No, totally.

• 1:25:18Speaker 02

  I know you're on my side. I'm just saying like, that's a dumb one.

• 1:25:21Mark Normand?

  Well, you're doing a Henny Youngman bit because you mentioned your wife. You know, that's, that's what we're going, that's what we're dealing with here. And then sometimes they'll go, this is a Louis bit and I'll go, send it to me and they never do.

• 1:25:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:31Mark Normand?

  So I'm like, alright.

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  Because they're gone. They're on hating on the next person.

• 1:25:33Mark Normand?

  I guess, I guess, yeah.

• 1:25:35Speaker 02

  We're all trying to get seen in some way. You can't, I can't be fully bad.

• 1:25:41Mark Normand?

  Price of admission, they say.

• 1:25:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that's nice. I like that.

• 1:25:43Mark Normand?

  Price of admission.

• 1:25:44Sam Morril?

  Is it sparkling or regular? Sparkling. There's the Maya Angelou quote, right? Where she says like,

• 1:25:49Speaker 02

  Don't pick it up, don't lay it down? No, that's real.

• 1:25:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, she said it to Chappelle. Don't pick it up, don't lay it down.

• 1:25:55Mark Normand?

  What does that mean?

• 1:25:56Speaker 02

  When they say you're the best, don't believe it.

• 1:25:57Sam Morril?

  That was it.

• 1:25:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's on the Chappelle iconoclast.

• 1:26:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  And she also tells him not to do the N-word.

• 1:26:02Sam Morril?

  I think she said it like that.

• 1:26:03Speaker 02

  And he's smoking a cigarette and you just see on his face like, I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm gonna keep doing it.

• 1:26:09Mark Normand?

  That was a Michael Richards quote. Wait, what does don't pick it up?

• 1:26:12Speaker 02

  I'm gonna keep doing it, yeah.

• 1:26:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What does don't pick it up, don't pick it down mean? Or put it down?

• 1:26:16Speaker 02

  Don't lay it down. So if I say you're the greatest, you just have to say thank you.

• 1:26:19Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:26:19Speaker 02

  Or I say you're the worst. You don't even have to say anything. Don't pick it up.

• 1:26:22Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:26:23Speaker 02

  Don't pick it up.

• 1:26:23Sam Morril?

  You don't believe the bad shit, you don't believe the good shit. It's, it's a good way to go through life. It's a good way to stay just centered and not.

• 1:26:30Speaker 02

  I'm trying, as I get older, I'm just like, living with my wife for all this time, we've been together for 13 years, she's seen how it comes together and how the act, you know, and how like impersonal it is. So it's like, I'm not like sculpting these acts, like, they show up.

• 1:26:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:49Speaker 02

  That sounds pretentious. So like when I do it, I'm kind of going like, this is what showed up.

• 1:26:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:53Speaker 02

  Maybe in an Amazon box, you know, forgot what it was. That's my act. I'm like, why am I talking about this? Cause that came out and it's really funny right now, but I'm not going like, And then if, so if an hour isn't as good as the last one, I'm like, I agree.

• 1:27:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:27:08Speaker 02

  Signing for the delivery.

• 1:27:10Sam Morril?

  Well, I relate to that though, because a lot of people will write an hour like the way Colin Quinn does it where I think it's amazing. He'll just pick a topic and go. I don't do that. It's whatever just comes to me.

• 1:27:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:20Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 1:27:20Sam Morril?

  It's, it's almost like ADD is, at least a touch of it is really helpful in this.

• 1:27:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:26Speaker 02

  Completely agree.

• 1:27:27Sam Morril?

  But, you know.

• 1:27:27Speaker 02

  And it's, it's based a lot on feeling too. It's like I'm cutting jokes because it's like a note in a song.

• 1:27:34Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:27:35Speaker 02

  And that note just didn't fit. Like that Wacko Jacko thing, of course, as I did it to you guys, I was like, maybe we should bring it back.

• 1:27:40Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 1:27:40Speaker 02

  But then I'm like, it's done. I gotta keep moving forward.

• 1:27:43Mark Normand?

  Well, it's Michael Jackson.

• 1:27:44Speaker 02

  I want the next Wacko.

• 1:27:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:46Sam Morril?

  You're gonna see your next, your next special is gonna be titled Kid Fucking Mike. He brought it back, dude.

• 1:27:51Speaker 02

  But Biglia, who's very real with me, I'll show him, he's like my best friend. I show him stuff. He'll tell me like, if he, he'll be like, "I don't know if this is your best stuff."

• 1:28:02Speaker 02

  So he said about Wacko Jacko, he was like, "If you're gonna do a Michael Jackson joke, it should be that one."

• 1:28:11Speaker 02

  Meaning, at least it's a good joke.

• 1:28:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's not a hacky joke. It's a good angle.

• 1:28:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, if you do a topic that's been done to death, have a good angle. It's a good angle.

• 1:28:19Mark Normand?

  That's a good angle, yeah.

• 1:28:20Speaker 02

  And just like all of us, it just showed up because Barbara Walters interviewing him came through my feed.

• 1:28:24Mark Normand?

  Did you guys see the Murphy doc yet?

• 1:28:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:26Sam Morril?

  Is it great?

• 1:28:27Mark Normand?

  It's fun, but Seinfeld, speaking of Maya Angelou, he has a similar line where he goes, "Hey comedy, you're gonna get the most venom you've ever gotten and the most compliments, and they're all lies."

• 1:28:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, neither are they true.

• 1:28:38Mark Normand?

  That was the best line in the whole movie.

• 1:28:40Speaker 02

  And Eddie, I thought the best line was Eddie Murphy said, "Pray for peace of mind."

• 1:28:43Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:28:44Speaker 02

  He's like, that's.

• 1:28:45Sam Morril?

  I just finished the Scorsese doc on your, on your.

• 1:28:47Speaker 02

  That's next.

• 1:28:48Sam Morril?

  I loved it. I absolutely loved it. If five apps, I could have done 10.

• 1:28:52Mark Normand?

  Same, same.

• 1:28:53Sam Morril?

  Unreal.

• 1:28:54Speaker 02

  I can't wait to watch it. I'm not gonna burden my wife with it.

• 1:28:57Mark Normand?

  You gotta watch it alone, yeah. She'll talk.

• 1:29:00Speaker 02

  Oh, you've met it. What if I thought that was unique? It's all of them. I'm just kidding. I would watch it with her, but it's a little too.

• 1:29:08Sam Morril?

  It's heavy. It's dense.

• 1:29:10Speaker 02

  There's a, there's a line. I watched Eddie Murphy alone, too.

• 1:29:13Sam Morril?

  Same.

• 1:29:14Speaker 02

  Did you click on it being like, I can't wait till he talks about the scandals and then when they weren't in it, I was like, I'm glad.

• 1:29:20Sam Morril?

  I like the no scandal.

• 1:29:21Speaker 02

  I like no scandal.

• 1:29:22Sam Morril?

  These new things, these people are producing, right? Same with Scorsese. So they're promoting a lot of the bad shit. Lot of the bad. Like, didn't you gloss over a lot of drugs? Yeah.

• 1:29:30Speaker 02

  We were doing a, we're doing a doc, documentary about cutting bits called Kill Your Darling. So I'm putting out this special. For me to do an hour, you have to write two hours.

• 1:29:41Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:29:41Speaker 02

  The other hour. And we're gonna use them in clips and talk about why we cut them and stuff. And, uh, why did I bring this up?

• 1:29:47Sam Morril?

  Well, inevitably you're gonna get a guy going, this is better than the other one.

• 1:29:50Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:29:50Sam Morril?

  That's gonna happen.

• 1:29:51Speaker 02

  But I was like, someone was like, you should direct it. And I was like, you can't have a documentary about you. And then it cuts to black and it goes, directed by Pete Holmes. Like, what?

• 1:30:01Sam Morril?

  True, yeah.

• 1:30:02Speaker 02

  Psycho executive. Like, you want someone on the outs. I know.

• 1:30:07Sam Morril?

  Can you imagine though, like the Ted Bundy story? By Ted Bundy.

• 1:30:10Speaker 02

  Well, you could tell Jordan did it because the only real vulnerable stuff was like, kinda self-serving.

• 1:30:16Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 1:30:16Speaker 02

  He cries because he wants it too bad.

• 1:30:18Sam Morril?

  Right, right. They were a little hard on Pippen.

• 1:30:22Speaker 02

  Play that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:23Sam Morril?

  It was like, you remember that time Pippen was a bitch and checked him out of the game? You're like, dude, he helped you win six titles. What are you doing?

• 1:30:29Speaker 02

  I didn't only even follow basketball. I've seen The Last Dance probably all the way through four times.

• 1:30:33Sam Morril?

  Unreal. It's so, and I hate, I mean, look, those teams killed my childhood. I was such a big Knicks fan, but he's, he's the best ever. It's insane.

• 1:30:42Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:30:43Sam Morril?

  That, you hear, there's a great Jordan quote. I don't know what that was. I was contributing to Michael Jordan. We were at the Knicks game the other night and we're having a drink at the bar and a guy walks over and Mark goes, hey. And he goes, he goes, hey. And Mark goes, Mark. And he goes, Stephon. And they shake hands, they order drinks, he walked away. I go, dude, that was, that was Stephon Marbury. Yeah, it was bad. I also said, uh, whatever he wants on me. It's an open bar. To Stephon Marbury, the basketball player. Mark just didn't know who he, I was like, I was like.

• 1:31:08Speaker 02

  It happened to us in LA. There was a guy. I knew who it was, and he was doing card tricks. And he did one to my wife, and he walked away. I was like, I can't believe that happened. And she's like, who, why? I go, that was David Blaine.

• 1:31:25Mark Normand?

  Whoa, wow.

• 1:31:26Speaker 02

  He had like a beard, and I'm like, I guess it works.

• 1:31:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:31:30Speaker 02

  Clark Kent glasses, it was enough to throw her off the scent.

• 1:31:33Mark Normand?

  Is he as sexy in real life as he is on screen?

• 1:31:36Speaker 02

  I'm not saying this to put him down. He was clearly between looking goods. Like, he was sort of like, he was taking some Blaine time.

• 1:31:43Mark Normand?

  That's a great way to put it.

• 1:31:44Speaker 02

  He was looking better than me, but he wasn't like, ready for.

• 1:31:49Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:31:50Speaker 02

  He was clearly taking some time between things. I was supposed to go to one of his shows. Yeah, see, covered in B Blaine is looking better than the Blaine I saw.

• 1:31:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:31:59Speaker 02

  He looks like Iron Man there, that's insane.

• 1:32:01Mark Normand?

  Right. Was he fat, or what are we talking?

• 1:32:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, he looked a little soft, like that, basically.

• 1:32:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's, that's still hot, professor.

• 1:32:08Speaker 02

  He looks like Ted Cruz. He cleaned it up a little bit. His lips look like Macaulay Culkin's. You ever notice that Macaulay Culkin has orange lips?

• 1:32:14Mark Normand?

  I have not.

• 1:32:15Speaker 02

  Give me a Culkin in Home Alone. That is a funny facial expression there. You ever notice that Brad Pitt and Macaulay Culkin act similar?

• 1:32:22Mark Normand?

  Whoa, blowing my mind.

• 1:32:24Speaker 02

  B Pitt's a Culkin fan.

• 1:32:26Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:32:26Speaker 02

  I'm telling you, there's something in how they talk. Yeah, there's the orange lips of Culk. Look at those orange lips.

• 1:32:32Mark Normand?

  Now or then? Oh, wow, you're not kidding.

• 1:32:35Speaker 02

  He's got the orange lips.

• 1:32:36Mark Normand?

  Kid fucking Mike.

• 1:32:42Mark Normand?

  What's the face Macaulay makes when he sees kid fucking Mike?

• 1:32:49Speaker 02

  We called it back. That'd be a way worse Home Alone movie. Two guys breaking, let's fuck him.

• 1:32:54Mark Normand?

  I'm the Wet Bandit.

• 1:32:57Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 1:33:01Mark Normand?

  Sticky Bandit, there you go.

• 1:33:03Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 1:33:04Mark Normand?

  Still works.

• 1:33:05Speaker 02

  Wet Bandits is the first one.

• 1:33:07Mark Normand?

  We gotta get a side by, I'll do it on my own time, but side by side of Brad Pitt and McCauley.

• 1:33:11Speaker 02

  There's a way that Brad talks that is informed.

• 1:33:15Mark Normand?

  Similar to like Christian Slater is doing Nicholson.

• 1:33:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, not that hard.

• 1:33:19Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:33:20Speaker 02

  Also, Benicio del Toro is Brad Pitt, have you noticed?

• 1:33:23Sam Morril?

  They look alike.

• 1:33:23Mark Normand?

  They look very similar.

• 1:33:24Speaker 02

  Very similar. We like what we like.

• 1:33:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah?

• 1:33:27Speaker 02

  That is, I mean, I just got gay.

• 1:33:29Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that is kinda similar.

• 1:33:31Speaker 02

  I just turned, yeah, they're similar.

• 1:33:33Mark Normand?

  Wow, how about that?

• 1:33:35Speaker 02

  I just turned, remember when I blew bubba?

• 1:33:38Mark Normand?

  Kieran Culkin is proof.

• 1:33:39Speaker 02

  When's this come out? Will that still be, uh, relevant?

• 1:33:42Mark Normand?

  I think that's out there.

• 1:33:43Speaker 02

  I love blowing bubba.

• 1:33:45Sam Morril?

  November 30?

• 1:33:46Speaker 02

  I'm forever blowing bubba.

• 1:33:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're the same guy.

• 1:33:50Mark Normand?

  Kieran Culkin, uh, is proof that you just stick with it and you can, you can blow past everybody. You know, cause McCauley at the time, you'd never think, oh.

• 1:33:59Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, here comes Kieran.

• 1:34:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, here comes Kieran, but.

• 1:34:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:02Mark Normand?

  He pushed through.

• 1:34:02Sam Morril?

  He also just like, he seems like he doesn't want it.

• 1:34:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, no, McCauley's fucked up.

• 1:34:07Speaker 02

  McCauley's out, he's in Paris, I think.

• 1:34:09Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:34:09Speaker 02

  That's what, uh, name drop, but I like sharing this story. Conan told me, he was like, there's so much noise in the world, not just show business, but in the world. He's like, just keep doing what you do, like Kieran. He's like, he was like, I just banged on a triangle. Everyone's playing sax.

• 1:34:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:34:24Speaker 02

  Put them down, they play the drums, put it down, play the clarinet. He's like, I just kept hitting the same triangle. And because of its consistency, you start to emerge through all the noise.

• 1:34:34Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's, that's good.

• 1:34:36Speaker 02

  Isn't it good?

• 1:34:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:38Sam Morril?

  Well, let's plug some dates.

• 1:34:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, you on the road there, fatty? What do you got cooking?

• 1:34:42Speaker 02

  I really like it. Uh, let's look them up real quick. I'm gonna tell ya.

• 1:34:47Mark Normand?

  We can pull it up for ya.

• 1:34:48Speaker 02

  Go to, oh, yeah, petehomes.com. Uh, Los Angeles, obviously, my monthly show, which you guys will be on when you're in town.

• 1:34:55Mark Normand?

  Can't wait.

• 1:34:55Speaker 02

  Milwaukee, Brea, San Francisco, North and South Carolina, Miami, Michigan, Madison, Wisconsin, which is always so fun, Denver, which is always so fun. So, I go out about, uh, like, once or twice a month, usually once, but a couple twicees there.

• 1:35:10Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:35:11Speaker 02

  I like it. Uh, so go to petehomes.com and please follow me.

• 1:35:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:16Speaker 02

  On all of the things.

• 1:35:17Mark Normand?

  You're not gonna see a more fun act. It's a wacky, all over the place, every set is different.

• 1:35:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:24Mark Normand?

  It's all, it's, it's a good time.

• 1:35:25Speaker 02

  I appreciate it. I, I think my talent as a comedian is, is to attune with the crowd and, and find each other.

• 1:35:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:32Speaker 02

  It's not, it's.

• 1:35:33Mark Normand?

  I like that.

• 1:35:34Speaker 02

  That's why it's different. It's because I'm trying to figure them out.

• 1:35:36Mark Normand?

  Mmm, yeah, I saw.

• 1:35:37Speaker 02

  So it's a good live show, if I can plug my.

• 1:35:39Mark Normand?

  Yes, it is. I've seen it. I, I saw Rory the other day, and Rory's a good reminder, like, oh, you gotta be funny. It's not just like a funny joke. He's just funny.

• 1:35:48Speaker 02

  See, Rory is a hero of mine, too. He's, he's maybe my favorite. And that is exactly what I'm going for, is being funny.

• 1:35:56Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:35:56Speaker 02

  Not tricking people, not ignoring people, but like merging with them and, and being a funny thing.

• 1:36:02Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:36:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. Rory's a great, great comp. Oh, and I have my podcast, which, Sam, you've never been on it, which is a shock.

• 1:36:09Sam Morril?

  I'll totally do it, man.

• 1:36:10Speaker 02

  Please let me know when you're in LA.

• 1:36:12Mark Normand?

  That's an oldie, huh? I was on that thing in like, what, 81?

• 1:36:15Sam Morril?

  Long time ago.

• 1:36:15Mark Normand?

  It's been a while.

• 1:36:16Speaker 02

  Long time ago.

• 1:36:17Sam Morril?

  I just got, yeah, Carnegie Hall, December 4th, hopefully it's sold out by now, and I'm adding, I added some, uh.

• 1:36:22Speaker 02

  Wait, wait, go, is it sold?

• 1:36:24Mark Normand?

  Nearby.

• 1:36:24Speaker 02

  Nearby.

• 1:36:25Sam Morril?

  No, it's close, I think.

• 1:36:26Speaker 02

  You got out of it. Ticket anxiety for that.

• 1:36:29Sam Morril?

  Nah, it's almost there. And then, and then we got, uh.

• 1:36:31Speaker 02

  Fucking badass.

• 1:36:32Sam Morril?

  And then, uh, I added Omaha, uh, January 8th through 10th. I love that club, Omaha Funny Bone. And then, uh, going back to Chicago in February, gonna tape a special in Tampa, February 27th. So I think that goes on sale tomorrow.

• 1:36:47Speaker 02

  What's it called? Grateful Market?

• 1:36:50Sam Morril?

  I love Tampa, dude. And I'm, I'm doing it for Tampa Theater, beautiful.

• 1:36:53Speaker 02

  I just find when you go to Florida, they're happier there.

• 1:36:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I love it, dude. Tampa's killer, killer crowds.

• 1:37:00Speaker 02

  Same with Jersey. Jersey was so hot for me.

• 1:37:02Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:37:02Speaker 02

  Loved it. New York was great, and Jersey, I was shocked that, and it was, uh, at Harrah's, it was in Atlanta.

• 1:37:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:37:09Speaker 02

  But it's, you know, it's Philly, it's all these people, and they're.

• 1:37:11Sam Morril?

  It's good.

• 1:37:12Speaker 02

  They're happy that you came kinda close to them, because sometimes it gets overlooked. That's what I mean.

• 1:37:16Sam Morril?

  AC is, is, can be pretty good.

• 1:37:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:37:18Sam Morril?

  As long as you don't walk too far.

• 1:37:20Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 1:37:21Sam Morril?

  Gets fucking dicey.

• 1:37:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You're gambling with your life.

• 1:37:24Sam Morril?

  Is that true? It's unsafe?

• 1:37:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:37:26Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 1:37:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. It's wild out there.

• 1:37:27Sam Morril?

  It's crazy.

• 1:37:28Mark Normand?

  I call it Vegas with AIDS.

• 1:37:29Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:37:30Sam Morril?

  Like Orenos, so I gotta mix it up.

• 1:37:31Speaker 02

  Lots of AIDS, guess?

• 1:37:32Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'll be in Prior Lake.

• 1:37:36Sam Morril?

  H I Vegas?

• 1:37:37Mark Normand?

  Nah, we're getting somewhere.

• 1:37:40Speaker 02

  I wasn't gonna leave until I got it.

• 1:37:41Mark Normand?

  We workshopped it.

• 1:37:44Mark Normand?

  I'll be at the Kansas City Fun Fun going back to clubs for the, uh, I gotta build a new hour. So come by in here, half of the shit we riffed on.

• 1:37:51Speaker 02

  I like that you got on camera me realizing you guys are doing even better than I thought you were. Cause I'm like, you gotta be nervous about those tickets. And you're like, nah, I'm pretty sure it's sold out. I'm going back to clubs.

• 1:38:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:02Speaker 02

  Go back to my tour dates. It's parallel. No disclaimer on mine though. JK.

• 1:38:08Mark Normand?

  Uh, wait, wait, hold on. I have Kansas City.

• 1:38:10Speaker 02

  Des Moines.

• 1:38:11Mark Normand?

  Des Moines.

• 1:38:12Speaker 02

  West Des Moines.

• 1:38:13Mark Normand?

  Sin City.

• 1:38:14Speaker 02

  Brea. I'm going there. Good club.

• 1:38:16Mark Normand?

  Great club.

• 1:38:17Speaker 02

  Great club.

• 1:38:17Mark Normand?

  Doing some casinos. There's a money grab for the child.

• 1:38:20Speaker 02

  Stress Factory.

• 1:38:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah. New Jersey, New Brunswick, San Antone.

• 1:38:24Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 1:38:24Mark Normand?

  And Tulsa and Swahili.

• 1:38:28Speaker 02

  Ooh, helium. I just, I did Indianapolis, I think.

• 1:38:31Mark Normand?

  I love a helium.

• 1:38:32Speaker 02

  I love a helium. They did it right. They were like, why fuck would they? Just make it the same.

• 1:38:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. Good layout.

• 1:38:38Speaker 02

  Buffalo too.

• 1:38:39Mark Normand?

  Buffalo, Portland. Alright, yeah, that's, that's, we're going all the way.

• 1:38:42Speaker 02

  There's a comedy club in Portland, Maine now. Holy shit.

• 1:38:44Mark Normand?

  Just opened. It's, it's little, but uh, they're, they're hot. Yeah, that's a good town.

• 1:38:49Speaker 02

  Well, you know, buy a bottle of Bodega Cat. We gotta shout out some new partners from Bodega Cat.

• 1:38:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:55Speaker 02

  By the way, shout out Lartuzzi, fucking one of the best restaurants in New York City, putting it on the menu. So it's not just, it's in their cocktail. I think they do an Old Fashioned or something.

• 1:39:03Mark Normand?

  Now we're talking.

• 1:39:03Speaker 02

  That should be soon. And that's like, that's a big deal.

• 1:39:06Mark Normand?

  And we got High Tops in Timonium.

• 1:39:08Speaker 02

  What is that?

• 1:39:09Mark Normand?

  That's outside of Maryland. Great bar.

• 1:39:11Speaker 02

  What are these, live shows for you guys?

• 1:39:12Mark Normand?

  No, no, this is our whiskey. Salt in the hooch.

• 1:39:14Speaker 02

  Oh, Modern Mammals is my shampoo, Magic Mine.

• 1:39:19Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:39:19Speaker 02

  Oh, I love Modern Mammals. It cleans your hair, but it doesn't look like you washed it. You'd both like it.

• 1:39:24Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:39:25Speaker 02

  And you need it, man.

• 1:39:26Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:39:28Speaker 02

  Come on. Wait, you have your own whiskey?

• 1:39:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, take a swig, relapse. Happy Medium Cocktail Bar in San Diego. I'm going there this weekend. Uh, hopefully you showed up.

• 1:39:39Speaker 02

  You couldn't really sign the bottle?

• 1:39:41Mark Normand?

  Uh, we will, we will. And we're in Lartuzzi in New York, Shade Bar in the Village, Strip House.

• 1:39:47Sam Morril?

  That's a great bar, too. Love Strip House, Comedy Cellar, Comics, New York Comedy Club.

• 1:39:53Mark Normand?

  Martin's Wine Cellar in NOLA, Windsor Court, and Bodega on Magazine Street. That's Justin Spot. He's a comic. Great, great, uh, great convenience store.

• 1:40:02Sam Morril?

  It's all on the menu there. That's huge. That's so cool. Yeah, he's got great burgers there, too.

• 1:40:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:40:06Sam Morril?

  Well, guys, thanks for listening. Go see Pete on tour and, and follow all his stuff and, uh, and buy a bottle of Bodega Cat, bodeagcatwhiskey.com.

• 1:40:13Speaker 02

  And I wasn't nervous about selling Town Hall.

• 1:40:17Speaker 02

  It's not even really, I don't even think about it. I just kinda go like, yeah, it'll be, it'll be fine. I'm gonna work on my Sam. It'll be fine. Say it'll be fine?

• 1:40:25Sam Morril?

  It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

• 1:40:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's solid.

• 1:40:28Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 1:40:29Speaker 02

  It was alright.

• 1:40:29Sam Morril?

  It was good. Godfrey does a pretty good Sam.

• 1:40:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, he does.

• 1:40:33Speaker 02

  Godfrey does a pretty good Sam. I can't do it. But I can do, okay. Oh, you mean, uh, Godfrey, Godfrey.

• 1:40:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, not Gilbert.

• 1:40:40Speaker 02

  Black Godfrey.

• 1:40:41Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:40:43Speaker 02

  Oh, great. Let's do that.

• 1:40:44Sam Morril?

  That's not the idea. Thank you, guys.

• 1:40:46Mark Normand?

  Comedy. Funny.

• 1:41:33Speaker 03

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPact.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.