Session 117: Ben Marshall

They call me Unc… and say that I’m chopped. Thank you to Venmo for sponsoring today’s episode! https://venmo.com/about/debitcard Thanks to Booking.com for sponsoring this episode! Tell Me What's Wrong at ⁠ passthatpuss.com Follow Ben! https://www.instagram.com/benmarshallstyle/?hl=en Follow Me! Instagram | @passthatpuss TikTok | @octopusslover8 Listen to "THERAPUSS" Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/1BHDdC0OVuHqZ706FobfOF ⁠⁠Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapuss-with-jake-shane/id1723626781⁠⁠ Amazon Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/93117357-1f23-46e1-8f26-88f5182a68b8/therapuss-with-jake-shane⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Brett claims she told me that she was going to Korea. You never told me you were going to Korea.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  I'm really sorry. I really thought I did.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  I'm so jealous. Do you know Brett's going to Korea?

• 0:51Speaker 02

  I've never heard of this.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  See? Thank you.

• 0:53Speaker 02

  I'm really excited. You told me. Hell, yeah.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  What?

• 0:56Speaker 02

  If I told Manny, I had to have told you too.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Are you excited?

• 1:00Speaker 02

  I'm really excited, but I'm a little bit anxious because it's like I have to go home first and then to Korea and then straight to Austin. So it's just like a little bit much. But you know what? You do that shit all the time. And if you can do it, I can do it.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  I can barely do it.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  I know, but if you can barely do it, I can do it.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Facts. Are you like, what? Have you been like Googling stuff you want to do?

• 1:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, like we've been looking, because we have two like free nights.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  You're going with Hannah?

• 1:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, my sister's coming. And so on those free nights, we want to go to like good restaurants and we're going to, wait, you're going to die. 90 minute Korean head spot treatment. Mm hmm. And color analysis. I'm going to get my colors done. So I'm going to officially know my season because I never fully know. I definitely know blue is in there, but like, I don't know what it is.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  What would you think mine is?

• 1:49Speaker 02

  I feel like you look good in like. I don't know, actually. Black, I think black is definitely in yours.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:56Speaker 02

  And like, green, because green brings out your eyes.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  I always get compliments in green.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  What would you, what do you think yours is?

• 2:02Speaker 02

  I mean, blue has to be in there.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  I think blue, I think blue.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  But then, remember randomly senior year, I discovered I looked good in orange?

• 2:08Speaker 01

  Yellow. Yellow and orange.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  I mean, orange is the color of the summer.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Do you think I said that too prematurely?

• 2:13Speaker 02

  No, I think you kind of have to claim stuff now.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Like in April.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  I'm claiming that orange is the color of the summer.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  I, I'm claiming it.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, it definitely is up there, because like, I, I got like, orange little jelly slides gifted, like, for summer.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 2:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that was after you said it.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Well, you heard it here first.

• 2:35Speaker 02

  Just saying.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Are you watching Imperfect Women?

• 2:38Speaker 02

  No, are you?

• 2:40Speaker 01

  I started it, but I got a Benadryl IV, so I clonked.

• 2:43Speaker 02

  So, it's like, so up my alley, I just don't think, because I've been like, so in the world of the pit, um...

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Girl, you work at that hospital.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  No, like, I am right there with Dr. Robbie.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  Like, you work at that hospital.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Like, Brad, I've never seen you feel this way about a show.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  No, I feel so passionately about it, and, um, it's just this season, like, it's not, I like it a lot, but a lot of people don't like it as much as the first season, but like, some people are being like, too harsh. But I'm really upset, because my favorite doctor is being like, written off, season three, which like, is really upsetting. Um, Dr. Mohan, Mohan is her name.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  There is a real, real pit fandom.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Big, yeah.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  So it's like a community?

• 3:28Speaker 02

  But it is, but like, it's like, I'm on pit Twitter, but some people take it too far.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 3:34Speaker 02

  Some people, like, there was this article that came out, and it was like, maybe, I forget what, a publication, but it was, I don't know if it was a legit one, but it was like, the pit fans, the pit super fans are proving that like, you can be bad at watching TV. Because like, basically, like, they're saying that there, there's like, they're shipping, like, Dr. Robbie, the main guy, with this like, other male Dr. Whitaker, when like, it's just like...

• 3:58Speaker 01

  I'm Whitaker.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, Whitaker is the one people think you look like.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  But I can't judge, because I'm a heavy shipper of Mel Langdon.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 4:07Speaker 02

  Which is Dr. Mel. Do you watch? Do you agree or no?

• 4:12Speaker 03

  I disagree.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  I mean, I see it more as like a father-daughter.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  No, they're flirting.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  You think?

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Yep, yep. Dr. Mel King and Dr. Frank Langdon. And I love Dr. Langdon. A lot of people don't, and I understand.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Who does Noah play?

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Dr. Robbie.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Got it.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  He's like main guy.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  And he's on for season three.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  And Dr. Hashimi, love her down.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  She's new in season two.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  It's just like, I just love the show so much.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Um, you know what else you love?

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Is it The Stranger?

• 4:43Speaker 02

  Oh, Strangers.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Strangers.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  Strangers by Bellburne.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Yes, let's talk about it.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Okay, because I got through one chapter and then Coachella happened, so I'm sorry, but I couldn't get through. And then Fame Sick came out by Lena Dunham, which I'm, I actually, I have to read it.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  I want to read it after you.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  It, uh, it was like making me feel... I was like, oh my god, this thing that I want.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  It is so not it. Like, she's like, she writes and she's like, my name.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Is it about like her not wanting to be famous? Or what?

• 5:14Speaker 01

  There's so much more like nuance to it. Like, the way she introduces it is like she talks about how she was given her name.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  And the name then became something outside of her, kind of in a very Taylor Swift way.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  And it's like, and it became, and then she ends with, and then it became a punchline. And then, so the book is about, she has dealt with a lot of health issues.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Right, as sort of her name became a, like, as she became famous.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  And so her body kind of co- like, her body's health, um, kind of coincided with

• 5:48Speaker 02

  The rise.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  This like fame.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  So I think that's why it's called Fame Sick.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  That's very profound. Oh, wow.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  And, um, I started reading it last night and it's great. She just is, I mean, she is the voice of our generation.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  She's so talented.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  And so I'm gonna read that. I'm really, really excited about it. I'm gonna read it on the plane tonight.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Oh, I keep forgetting you're leaving.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  I know. But then I'm gonna read Strangers, because I was-

• 6:09Speaker 02

  Strangers is also just such a quick read. Like, I got through it in a day.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Well, so can you tell me, you said you believe every, everyone should read that book.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  I think everyone, especially every young woman, every woman, period, especially young woman. Whether you're in a relationship or not, because I think it is such an important lesson of like so many girls, they, and this isn't anyone's like fault in particular, but I feel like so many young women, like they view like marriage and like whatever, like a husband as like a finish line and whatever. And like, while it's great to have that partnership in life, like you truly never know, like down the line 10, 20 years, like what's going to happen. And I think that it's just like a really good lesson for, for girls to read and to like, understand. And I really admire Belle for being so like vulnerable and telling

• 7:01Speaker 02

  her story because also it's like this stuff happens to so many women and like, no one really talks about it because there's this weird shame around like your husband, you know, leaving you that like, people don't really talk about as much.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  I mean, you cried.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  I cried multiple times, especially at the end. I was like, holy fuck.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm really excited to read it. I think I'm in my reading era.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  And it's being turned into a movie and Gwyneth is gonna play Belle.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Done.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, sick.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  Gwyneth can act down.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. And honestly, she doesn't do it enough anymore.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  I think she's just like, she does it when she wants to. And then Gwyneth is like always that girl for me.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Cause she's like, yeah, cause she, duh. I mean, queen.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  She lives in Santa Barbara.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  I feel like Gwyneth is your North Star.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm obsessed with her. I'm obsessed with her.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Like that is your North Star?

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. Like her and like Talented Mr. Ripley. I'm like, yeah.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  I've never seen.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  Oh, you should watch. And it's young Matt Damon. So like, it's giving Max.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  There's a lot, there's a lot of, Max does look like him. Have you ever seen it? He does.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  One of his hinge prompts was award I'd win is Walmart Matt Damon look alike.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  Oh, so underrated. You guys met on Hinge?

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Beyond. And I love talking about it. I hate when people are like, like trying to like do mental gymnastics about like, well, we met on Hinge, but like blah, blah, blah.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  No, you met on Hinge.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  You met on Hinge and like, yeah, period.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  End of story.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  I just went to Coachella.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  And you had the best time.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  You infamously hate Coachella.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  I actually think if there is an artist that you would like to see, if you have a simple way of getting in and out, and you just see that artist, you will have a magical, wonderful, beautiful time. There is a certain. Like ethereal feeling to seeing an artist as the desert wind is like blowing in your hair.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  And your look, it's, music festivals are like God's gift to this green earth. If you, if you do them the way that your body and your mind wants to.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  So that's my thing. It's like, I don't disagree. It's just like, I love you all down, but like, how you guys do Coachella is not my journey.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  I don't want to be out till 6 a.m.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  And like, that's just me. So like, if there was at least one other person there.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Max.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. But like, maybe, maybe in the future. I'm, I like, never say never. I just like.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  I mean, quite literally.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Honey. Um, but if there were a year that like, I mean, I would have loved to see both Sabrina and Justin. I just was like, I just know it's not my journey.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  But I, I don't disagree with you. I don't.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  It's very cool to see them. Like, ah, it's like, oh my God.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  Um, what are you doing in Austin again?

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Run club.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Oh, jealous.

• 9:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Oh, well, I've been doing 5Ks.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, you have.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  And they make me feel amazing. They really set my day up for like a beautiful day.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  You should run at my, um, New York one.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  When is it?

• 9:57Speaker 02

  May 30th.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  I'll be there.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Wait, I'll be there. Oh my God, that will be so fun.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  That'll be so fucking fun.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  It's gonna be fun. I don't know if I can say where we're doing it in this, but it's gonna be a sick location.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Oh my God, I'm so excited. That's gonna be amazing. Oh my God.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  And I've never done.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  The biters are gonna show up.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  I know. I think the turnout's gonna be awesome.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Oh, and a pop-up bagel after?

• 10:19Speaker 02

  Yep, pop-up.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Can they bring back your schmear?

• 10:22Speaker 02

  I know, they really should, especially because they're opening in Chicago tomorrow.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Would you call it a schmear or butter?

• 10:25Speaker 02

  It's a butter.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  It's okay. Um, but they open in Chicago tomorrow.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  We need the dessert bowl butter brought back. That shit hit, that shit rocked my world.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  It was really good. It is really good.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  It really rocked my world.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  What should we do for the rest of the day?

• 10:42Speaker 02

  I don't know. I literally bricked my phone, so I would like stop scrolling because.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  My thing is if I read right now during the day, I will fall asleep and I can't do that.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  It really puts me to bed.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. I know, but isn't that nice?

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Or do you not like it?

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Well, my struggle with reading is my OCD and it makes me reread certain lines and it's so hard and difficult.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Oh, that is hard.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  It really fucks my shit up and makes reading so much more difficult for me. So I'm really trying to push past it.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz it's so good for you.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  It is so good for me, but I think also when I was reading Fame Sick, I was getting a little bit of anxiety.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Just because this thing that I've glamorized in my head so much really isn't all that glamorous.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  And Lena Dunham writes about it in such a profound way that it's undeniably not glamorous.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  And I think it was just, it was making me feel like, what are my values? Like, what do I want? What do I?

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  You know, and so I'm like anxious to read it, but I know I have to because she speaks genuine truth.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's deep.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  I'm very hungry.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  What are you gonna have?

• 11:46Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  I had my taquitos yesterday.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  I was fucking gonna ask if you had your taquitos. I was gonna have them.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  They, I had them yesterday.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Chipotle before flight? No.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  No. No.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Sounds awesome. I know, dude. But I, okay.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  You always regret it.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, oh, wait, you know, Cassidy eats Chipotle in silence. Do you know this? Like, she'll be like, oh, I just, like, she'll sit down somewhere. We'll be like, what'd you do? She'll be like, I had Chipotle. When I have Chipotle, I tell everyone.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  You do. You always make it a thing.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Yes, it's like, it is a thing.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  It is.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  You tell everyone, having Chipotle is a thing. You're like, I had Chipotle today.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right. You're right.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  And Cassidy, like, does it in silence.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  That's kind of crazy.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  It's crazy. Very Gemini of her.

• 12:27Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  To have Chipotle in silence. I always, if I'm having Chipotle, I am having Chipotle.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. You always, like, sit down and, like, make a video.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  I need a support system when I'm having Chipotle. I really do.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Tonight, we have on Ben Marshall from SNL, who is just incredible and so funny, and it was such a fun episode to film. And I'm so excited for you guys to see it because he is the best. And he is best friends with Paul Briganti.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Love.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Yes, which is how we got connected. So, thank you, Paul. Okay, well, I love you, B.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  Love you so much. Bye pussies.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Enjoy the episode. Love you pussies.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Hi pussies, welcome back to Therapuss. Today, we have on SNL cast member Ben Marshall.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Hi, Ben.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  Thanks for having me.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  You're welcome. You're looking fitted up.

• 13:18Speaker 04

  Whoa, thanks Jake.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Did you get styled for this?

• 13:20Speaker 04

  No, these are my own clothes.

• 13:23Speaker 01

  Stop it.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  Do you get styled for your pods?

• 13:25Speaker 01

  No, never, but I mean, do you see? Fitted?

• 13:29Speaker 04

  Thanks, guys.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  Do you love fashion?

• 13:31Speaker 04

  Um, I like fashion, yeah. I feel like I've been getting more into it. My friend who works at Nike, uh, sent me these shoes.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  Hi, I want them.

• 13:41Speaker 04

  Little diapers.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  They, okay, well, you can't say that.

• 13:44Speaker 04

  I got the diaper 3000s on.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Wait, I want, are they released yet?

• 13:48Speaker 04

  We're probably the same size, right?

• 13:50Speaker 01

  What size are your feet?

• 13:51Speaker 04

  13.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  What are yours?

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Eight and a half.

• 13:57Speaker 04

  That's better than I thought.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  13?

• 14:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Is it hard to find shoes?

• 14:03Speaker 04

  No, 13 is kind of the cutoff. After that, it gets hard.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Are you like a solid 13, or have you ever been like, these 13s don't fit me?

• 14:11Speaker 04

  No, I'm a solid. Well, I mean, sometimes I'm 14.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Really?

• 14:15Speaker 04

  Is that what you mean?

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  I'll talk about whatever. I'm an open book.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 14:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  Okay, so you came to New York for college?

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  From Savannah?

• 14:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  You're southern?

• 14:27Speaker 04

  So you're from Georgia? Sorry, can we pick this up? Jake wouldn't let us talk before this started.

• 14:31Speaker 01

  Well, I just wanted to save it.

• 14:33Speaker 05

  I am from Georgia. I'm from Atlanta.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Savannah, cool.

• 14:36Speaker 05

  But my sister went to SCAD.

• 14:37Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 14:37Speaker 05

  So I spent a lot of time there.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  My high school was like SCAD's High School, Savannah Arts Academy.

• 14:42Speaker 05

  Did you ever consider going there?

• 14:43Speaker 04

  No, I wanted to get far away from Savannah, unfortunately, but I love it now.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  What's your favorite?

• 14:49Speaker 04

  What?

• 14:50Speaker 01

  What's your favorite? What's your favorite thing about the South?

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Uh, it's a very slow pace. I like that. I like the warm weather.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  You do like that? You work at SNL?

• 15:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I guess I like to take a break and do that. But then after a few days, I do start to lose my mind.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Okay, right.

• 15:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Do you live alone?

• 15:08Speaker 04

  I do.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  You do?

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Do you like living alone?

• 15:13Speaker 04

  Is this how it always is? It is, okay. Um, yeah.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  What, like, what did you think this was gonna be like?

• 15:21Speaker 04

  I listened to Marcelo's episode.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Oh, you listened to Marcelo's episode, okay.

• 15:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I'm also here to promote Marcelo's stand-up special.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  You are?

• 15:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, check it out. American Boy, streaming on Netflix. One shirt, six shows, one shirt.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Yes. Do you remember that? One shirt, six shows. That is really crazy.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Would you ever do a stand-up special?

• 15:43Speaker 04

  I don't really do stand-up.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  Neither do I.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  Don't you? Didn't you start?

• 15:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  What were you guys talking about? You're doing a live show.

• 15:50Speaker 01

  I do like a live show, but I wouldn't like offend stand-ups like that.

• 15:55Speaker 04

  What do you do? Do you bring people on and interview them?

• 15:56Speaker 01

  No, I talk about myself.

• 15:59Speaker 04

  So stand up?

• 16:00Speaker 01

  But it's like, not stand-up.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  Right. You're just on stage with microphones, just you.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  I, well, like, honestly, I've been seeing some videos from Tor, and it's like, I can't believe you let me do that.

• 16:12Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  I can't believe.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  It's really hard to watch yourself.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 16:16Speaker 04

  Live.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  It's a little different with me. Like, I used to get, what would I do?

• 16:21Speaker 05

  I think you need to tell Ben about how you made everyone.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm not ashamed of this. I would make everybody.

• 16:29Speaker 01

  I would make everybody, like, one of my actual favorite bits was that I would make everybody, because like when I go on the red carpet, like, no one knows who I am, so they like take like one photo and keep it moving. And, um, like, I would make the whole audience, like, put their flash on and like take photos of me. As I walked up and down the stage, and I would make them do it twice. I call it last looks.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  Interesting. Is that so you could just get it out of the way, so people don't have their phones out?

• 16:57Speaker 01

  No.

• 16:57Speaker 04

  No, you just wanted the.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  I was in Houston, and I was like, you know what would be fun, you guys, because you, well, because you don't do stand-up, but like, sometimes like during a live show when you're really like, you feel it with the crowd, like, you can kind of just be like, fuck around a bit. And I was like, what if you guys like all took photos of me right now?

• 17:15Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  And they were all like, yes! And it worked.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  I feel like I've done that. I do an improv show with Mike Birbiglia and the other guys in Please Don't Destroy, and we tell people that you can only post a photo if you say it's the greatest improv show you've ever seen.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  And do they listen?

• 17:32Speaker 04

  It's usually not.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  I want to see you do improv.

• 17:35Speaker 04

  Do you ever do improv?

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Well, no, but I'm not bad at it.

• 17:39Speaker 04

  I don't think you would be.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  I'm like, pretty good at it.

• 17:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  What's like an improv game that you play?

• 17:44Speaker 04

  No games.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  So how do you improv?

• 17:47Speaker 04

  Like scenes, like long form. It's so nerdy. We ask if anyone has any like real gossip that they're going through in their life and then we improvise based on that.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Oh my god, what?

• 17:57Speaker 04

  But I guess it is a podcast.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  This would be my bread and fucking butter.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, you should do it.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  What? I wanna do this!

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Do it whenever.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  Really?

• 18:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Are you lying?

• 18:05Speaker 04

  No.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  When's your next show?

• 18:06Speaker 04

  Absolutely do it. Um, I don't know. It's on Mondays, monthly at UCB.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:13Speaker 04

  How old are you?

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Guess.

• 18:18Speaker 04

  I actually think I know.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  How old are you?

• 18:20Speaker 04

  Twenty-six.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 18:24Speaker 01

  And I'm happy I didn't drag that, like I normally drag it.

• 18:27Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 18:28Speaker 01

  So like, I'm normally like, yes, bah, bah, bah, bah. Then I like go on this whole thing. So like, I'm happy I just let that one go. But yes, I'm twenty-six.

• 18:37Speaker 04

  That's really young. And you're so, you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm thirty.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  I know. You don't look thirty, by the way.

• 18:43Speaker 04

  Don't go, I know.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  You really don't. Do you get anything done?

• 18:48Speaker 04

  No.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  I just got neck Botox for the first time.

• 18:51Speaker 04

  Did you really?

• 18:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, and, yes.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Wait, what does that do?

• 18:56Speaker 01

  It's a masseter, so like they do it here, here, and they like squeeze your veins and like do it. So like, I can't really go like this. Yeah.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  Wow, why did you feel like you wanted to do that?

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Um, because Louise was like, do you wanna come get an Aqua Gold facial with me? And so I was like, wow, that she's like, it's amazing, your skin's glowing, and by the way, my skin is glowing.

• 19:18Speaker 04

  You look great.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Thank you. And so I got the Aqua Gold facial and then I was like, wait, let me just like, while I have you guys, like, ask you about this, like, thing that I've been wondering, like, you know, I feel a little insecure about my chin, like, my jaw. And they're like, well, we do have masseter botox here.

• 19:33Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  And I was like-

• 19:34Speaker 04

  That day, they just did it?

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Five seconds later.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  No way!

• 19:37Speaker 01

  In my neck.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Okay, I would do that.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  It was free, it was her friend from college, a Peppa.

• 19:44Speaker 04

  Connect me.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  Do you want to go together?

• 19:46Speaker 04

  Let's do it.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  You're not gonna get Botox with me.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  Your team asked me if I had like some special place that I wanted to record this episode, like a restaurant or a bar that I like or something.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  We wanted to make it special.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  And then I proposed that we go play basketball together.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Why would you propose that?

• 20:03Speaker 04

  You didn't, this didn't even make it to your desk?

• 20:05Speaker 01

  No, what?

• 20:06Speaker 04

  You didn't even hear about this?

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Did you guys just shut that down?

• 20:09Speaker 05

  Were you gonna go to a basketball court?

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I probably would have.

• 20:14Speaker 04

  I think that would have been a really fun, unique episode. We're playing basketball with all my friends.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  Who are all your friends?

• 20:20Speaker 04

  A lot of people currently on SNL play basketball. So I play with Tommy Brennan, I play with Cam. Where did we meet?

• 20:28Speaker 01

  We met.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  At an after-party?

• 20:30Speaker 01

  At Glenn's after-party.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  Right?

• 20:34Speaker 04

  I think so.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  And I said, "You know Paul."

• 20:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. Were you with Tate McRae?

• 20:39Speaker 01

  I was.

• 20:40Speaker 04

  Yeah. I remember that.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  And we came up to your guys' table, said hi.

• 20:44Speaker 04

  Am I doing a really bad job on this podcast?

• 20:47Speaker 01

  No, this is fun. Are you guys having fun?

• 20:50Speaker 04

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  Like, do you feel weird that they're sitting on the floor?

• 20:55Speaker 04

  No.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  I've been sitting in the shower lately.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  Have you?

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:58Speaker 04

  That's really sad.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  Really? I laid down in the shower last night. Laid down. Yeah.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  I've never heard of anyone doing that, unless they're severely, severely depressed.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  I don't think I'm severely, severely depressed anymore. Am I?

• 21:14Speaker 04

  You're laying down in the shower.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, because the water pressure feels so good.

• 21:19Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  And I'm listening to Ariana Grande.

• 21:21Speaker 04

  Okay, so you're having fun.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Do you listen to Ariana Grande?

• 21:23Speaker 04

  I love Ariana Grande.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Do you really?

• 21:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  What's your favorite Ariana Grande song?

• 21:28Speaker 04

  Thank you next.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  Classic.

• 21:30Speaker 04

  Classic.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  What type of music do you listen to?

• 21:34Speaker 04

  I feel like you're getting frustrated with me.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  No, I'm not. What type of music do you listen to?

• 21:39Speaker 04

  Um, I listen to a broad spectrum of music. I was very excited when Gees got on the show. I know, like, classic...

• 21:49Speaker 01

  That makes sense for you.

• 21:50Speaker 04

  Quirky white boy behavior, but...

• 21:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like that one song.

• 21:54Speaker 04

  Which one?

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Taxes.

• 21:56Speaker 04

  Great, great.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  I know you weren't expecting me to name a song, huh?

• 21:59Speaker 04

  No, I was.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:01Speaker 04

  I don't know. What kind of music do you listen to?

• 22:04Speaker 01

  Pop.

• 22:05Speaker 04

  Pop. I love pop.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  And like singer-songwriters. So anyone that like writes their own music, like I will, like I... I've been listening to Radiohead recently.

• 22:14Speaker 04

  Cool.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  I know.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  I know.

• 22:18Speaker 04

  You're really like proud of yourself for that?

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  That's cool. Yeah, I've been listening to the new Harry Styles album. I like it a lot.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Whom you just kissed.

• 22:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  How was that?

• 22:27Speaker 04

  Did you listen to the album?

• 22:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did. I did.

• 22:31Speaker 04

  Keep that whole thing, please.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  I just haven't had the time, like...

• 22:37Speaker 04

  It's okay. It's okay. You're not expected... You don't have to do everything all the time, Jake.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  I'm sorry.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  You're on Broadway. You have a hit podcast. You're 26. You just got a new apartment in New York. You're wearing a cool watch.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  You have a lot going on.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Do you know what I realized last night?

• 22:57Speaker 04

  What?

• 22:58Speaker 01

  When you're an adult, things just happen to you, and then like two days later, you realize that they happened, and you're like, "Holy shit, I can't believe that happened."

• 23:08Speaker 04

  Give me an example.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Like I got ghosted.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  Right.

• 23:11Speaker 01

  While I was filming a short. And so like, I couldn't really like give it the attention it deserved as I was filming the short. And then, right as the short was wrapping, this background actor named Joy grew her own weed. She was like 70 or 80. She had like this backpack. She was pulling out weed. Like, I'm not kidding. Can someone grab me my phone? Like, I need to show you a visual on Joy.

• 23:33Speaker 04

  Okay, so you got ghosted, you're doing a short, Joy's there, she grows her own weed.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  So I finished my final scene for the short.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  So I'm like, "You know what? I'm gonna smoke Joy's joint."

• 23:41Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  So I go outside and I'm like, "Joy, I'm gonna go smoke your joint." She goes, "Okay, only take two hits." Like, this is the tsunami. And I said, okay, like, whatever. So I go outside and I hit it like four, five or six times. So I smoked and then I real, it's the dumbest fucking story ever and it means nothing.

• 23:59Speaker 04

  What happened? You got too high?

• 24:00Speaker 01

  No, I got high and I realized, oh my God, when you're an adult, you really don't process things for days. Like as a kid, like you process things in the moment and I am processed that I got ghosted for two days. Then when I processed it, I was like, this is really sad.

• 24:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like a delayed, like you know when you work out and then sometimes you're not sore the next day, but you're sore the day after?

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. Do you work out?

• 24:20Speaker 04

  It's like that. I do.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  What's your favorite workout?

• 24:25Speaker 04

  Um, I don't know, playing basketball, probably, which is why I wanted to take you to play.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  I mean, I will go with you to play.

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Let's do it.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:33Speaker 04

  So you live in LA now?

• 24:35Speaker 01

  I live both in LA and here.

• 24:38Speaker 04

  Look at you. You're doing it.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  I'm trying.

• 24:41Speaker 04

  Proud of you.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  Thank you. Are you?

• 24:43Speaker 04

  I really am.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  I feel like you're, you're in such a fun, exciting place in your life.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Oh, it doesn't feel that way.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  It doesn't?

• 24:50Speaker 01

  No.

• 24:51Speaker 04

  You're 26. When I was 26, man.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  You were doing Please Don't Destroy on SNL?

• 24:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. I had just gotten hired. It was like the best and I was having so much fun. And everything was like, I don't know, I feel like 26 was just a fun time.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  So what are you therapist about today?

• 25:10Speaker 04

  What am I therapist about?

• 25:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:12Speaker 04

  Um, honestly, being old.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  You're not old.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  No, no, but feeling old. I'm like, I was just thinking about the pandemic being six years ago.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  Nah, I can't think about that.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  So upset. I'm feeling old. I have sisters who are still in high school, half sisters.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  And I was just hanging out with them in Savannah, Georgia, where I'm from.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Do they think you're so cool?

• 25:32Speaker 04

  No.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  What?

• 25:34Speaker 04

  I mean, maybe. I don't know.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  They definitely do.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  I think they like it. It's fun, but they're also like.

• 25:41Speaker 04

  Like, they think I'm unk, and I'm chopped. And, um, you know?

• 25:47Speaker 01

  What does that even mean? You know, what is that? Is that what people say when they're old?

• 25:51Speaker 04

  They're like, "Six, seven, unk is chopped."

• 25:53Speaker 01

  No, well, you know, there's a new one.

• 25:56Speaker 04

  What?

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Forty-one.

• 25:57Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 25:59Speaker 01

  It's not new. Why do you know about this?

• 26:01Speaker 04

  What is forty-one? No.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Forty-one.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  That's what they do.

• 26:06Speaker 04

  I hate this.

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Six, seven. Forty-one.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Do you think I'm chopped unk?

• 26:12Speaker 01

  No, do you think I'm chopped unk?

• 26:13Speaker 04

  No, Jake, I keep telling you, you're twenty-six, you have your whole life ahead of you. I love you, man.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  I, you know what, Ben, like, I actually, I love you too.

• 26:22Speaker 04

  I love you.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  I love you.

• 26:24Speaker 04

  I don't know why we're fighting.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  No, we're not. Can we make up?

• 26:26Speaker 04

  Let's make up.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  I went low.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:35Speaker 04

  You know what I think the problem is? I didn't speak out loud before this, today.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:40Speaker 04

  And so I think I'm just shaking the rest off.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  No, shake it off, like, we have all the time in the world.

• 26:45Speaker 04

  My watch fell off.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Oh, put that shit back on. Is that vintage?

• 26:49Speaker 04

  Um, yeah. I'm gonna put it over there. Um, no, no, keep yours, keep yours.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  Do you wanna trade?

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Should we trade?

• 26:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Okay, so let's...

• 27:04Speaker 04

  Do you have a lot? Do you have a collection?

• 27:05Speaker 01

  Yours is gorgeous. I want this one.

• 27:07Speaker 04

  I will trade you, you know, heartbeat.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  How do I put this on?

• 27:12Speaker 04

  How do I put yours on? That one got kinda fucked up. You kinda have to...

• 27:17Speaker 01

  Where'd you get this?

• 27:18Speaker 04

  Oh, Jake.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  No, and let me see it on you?

• 27:20Speaker 04

  Jake.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  Ah, it looks amazing on you.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  Stunning!

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Will you put this on me?

• 27:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, so, okay, here, let me fix it, and then I'll put it on you.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Ooh, this looks really good on me. Uh, will you put it on upside down?

• 27:33Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  This is stunning. Jake!

• 27:37Speaker 01

  Wow. Look at us.

• 27:40Speaker 04

  I think we should trade.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  No.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  God, we haven't said one thing we can keep.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  We really haven't. You should've said, "I don't..." I said to you before this, "Do you not wanna talk about anything?"

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Totally, and I was like, "I'm an open book."

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is what you said.

• 27:55Speaker 04

  And so far, I haven't said anything.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Okay, so should we just start this all over?

• 27:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 28:06Speaker 04

  This is so cool.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  Ben.

• 28:11Speaker 04

  Hey Jake.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Ben, I love your watch.

• 28:14Speaker 04

  Thank you so much.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  I can't see it, but I know it's under there. Do you like mine?

• 28:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's great. Looks cheaper than this one.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  Mmm, I don't know, it's vintage.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm sure it is.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  But I guess that one looks vintage too.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  This one's gorgeous.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  Possibly from the year 1994?

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Is that true?

• 28:28Speaker 01

  Ah, it looks it.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Yours you probably haggled for in the diamond district.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  Is that what you did?

• 28:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  And you got this? You haggled for this in the diamond district and you got this?

• 28:40Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, I just, I bought it and I was kind of negotiated the price.

• 28:45Speaker 01

  Where in the diamond district? I want to go.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  Like right by 30 Rock. They have like a bunch of, um, watch places. How was the Broadway show you did?

• 28:54Speaker 01

  It was great.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  I can't believe I haven't seen it. I'm so embarrassed. I am like the biggest Simon Rich fan ever.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's awesome.

• 29:01Speaker 04

  He's amazing.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  He's awesome.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  He would come back and be like a guest writer when Mulaney would host. And he's so funny and so nice.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  It was like the best experience of my entire life.

• 29:12Speaker 04

  Really?

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was really like the best experience of my entire life.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  It was so cool. I learned so much.

• 29:19Speaker 04

  Really?

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Like so much, like from Ray Romano too, like the way he like, he's so like, um, smart with like how he like works a crowd.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  Did you, did you like study acting or anything? No.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  No. I did an acting class in college and I was in my senior year play and I was in my sixth grade play and my eighth grade play.

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Oh, that's a lot.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I guess somewhat, but no, I didn't study it. But I, I studied it by watching television.

• 29:50Speaker 04

  So you learned a lot from Ray Romano?

• 29:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, like a lot, like.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  Really?

• 29:53Speaker 01

  For every night before the show, he would wait by the monitor.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  You remind me of Ray Romano.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  No, I don't.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  And the thing is, I said, no, I don't, but I thought you were about to like double down.

• 30:05Speaker 04

  Oh, you wanted me to go, no, seriously, listen. No, you don't at all.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  Uh huh. So he would wait by the monitor every night. Like, as the show, like, there was like a monitor.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  That shows the audience?

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, that shows the show.

• 30:22Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Like, but we would be off to the side.

• 30:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  And there were certain cues he would wait for and like depending on how loud the cheer was and he like raided the shows each night.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  He was like super specific and technical.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  About like how hot the crowd was?

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Like how, yeah, like how much to give and like.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  If they were, and if someone was stepping on a line, he would say you like, like, he was very specific.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Whoa, that's cool.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  He's really good.

• 30:48Speaker 04

  That's awesome.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's awesome.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  Who else did it? Nicholas Braun.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  And Jenny Slate.

• 30:54Speaker 04

  That's it?

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was us four.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  It was just the four of you?

• 30:57Speaker 01

  Yes, and the.

• 30:58Speaker 04

  That's so cool.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  And the band Lawrence. It was really fun. It was really fun. It was like, seriously, like, I felt such a sense of purpose.

• 31:05Speaker 04

  And I can never see it? Did you film it?

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm sure they filmed one of the nights.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  I would love to see it. Sorry.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  It was really, really fun. And, and, and when like we, and like sometimes we'd have like a night where like we would just go like completely off script.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Really?

• 31:19Speaker 01

  And it was really fun. Yeah.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  It's the best.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  It was, Louis saw it eight times.

• 31:23Speaker 04

  Really? Was it different every time? Or you got kind of sick of it?

• 31:28Speaker 05

  It was like, it was the same every time, but the improv was always a bit different. Like, I still laughed every night.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  Wow. That's cool. That's, our live shows are kind of like that. It's like.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  I want to come. I want to do one.

• 31:41Speaker 04

  I think we're doing some more this summer. You should come. Oh, no. I mean, like the Please Don't Destroy live shows where we're doing like sketches and touring and stuff.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  So you do tour and you do do live shows?

• 31:52Speaker 04

  But I don't do stand up, like solo, this is about my life. Like me, Martin and John do like a live sketch show.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  How did you guys meet?

• 32:00Speaker 04

  College. John and I were on the NYU sketch group Hammercats together. And then Martin and I were doing open mics.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  So you did do stand up?

• 32:11Speaker 04

  In college.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you said you've never done stand up.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  I didn't say that. Let's, let's check the tape back.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  He didn't say that.

• 32:20Speaker 04

  Um, no. I did, I did in college and I'm kind of interested in doing it again. Should we go to some open mics?

• 32:26Speaker 01

  I would go with you.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  That would be fun.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Okay, should we go together?

• 32:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  We have to go together.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  Let's do it.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  And we just get up there and?

• 32:32Speaker 04

  By the way, as two people who are like in comedy, like, you know,

• 32:37Speaker 01

  You wouldn't classify me in that genre?

• 32:39Speaker 04

  A hundred percent.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 32:41Speaker 04

  You wouldn't?

• 32:42Speaker 01

  A lot of people wouldn't.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  I think that if me and you were like, we're gonna start doing stand up and we start sending each other jokes and going to open mics together, that could be really fun and really good for our relationship.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Fucking with me?

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Not at all.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  I have your number.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  I have your number.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  So what are you watching on TV right now?

• 33:00Speaker 04

  I don't really watch TV. I'm just kidding. I feel like I'm saying that kind of answer to all your questions. What am I watching? I'm gonna really ask myself. Have you seen the show Hijack on Apple? Idris Elba?

• 33:11Speaker 01

  No, but I've heard it's great.

• 33:12Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  What's it about again?

• 33:15Speaker 04

  The first season is, is him dealing with hijackers on a plane.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  And there's a season two.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  And then season two, the end of the first episode is, I'm hijacking this train. And he's the hijacker. My girlfriend and I watch it together and joke that we don't remember one single piece of information that's being communicated. Do you ever do that? Do you ever just watch TV like it's just colors and sounds and you're just like, haha? You're not taking in any, really?

• 33:41Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. I love TV. You watch Survivor?

• 33:44Speaker 04

  No.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  I just started.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  Really?

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. It's awesome.

• 33:47Speaker 04

  You've so much.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  Well, I'm not gonna like watch all 50 seasons, sorry.

• 33:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  I'm just watching season 50.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  Do you watch SNL?

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 33:54Speaker 04

  When was the last time you think you watched a full episode of SNL?

• 33:58Speaker 01

  Like a full, full, full episode?

• 33:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, ever.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  I watched the Glenn one. I was there.

• 34:02Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, but I mean at home.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  At home? Um, I watched the, I watched the Connor Story one.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  You did, the full thing?

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  Oh, great. Super fun episode. Love him.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, he is so nice.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  He rocks.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, was he just a pleasure to work with?

• 34:18Speaker 04

  Oh my god, the best.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  Oh, he seems it.

• 34:21Speaker 04

  He was awesome. Hudson was really cool too.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, he was there. Okay, so but like to recap? We have basketball plans.

• 34:30Speaker 04

  We have basketball.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  We have improv plans.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  And we have open mic plans. I say the way we should prioritize these things is that open mic comes first.

• 34:38Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  I think we will like, do you drink?

• 34:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Let's just drink.

• 34:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  And do it.

• 34:43Speaker 04

  It seems fun.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it seems so fun. So like, but are you gonna prepare jokes or like, do we just go up and do it?

• 34:50Speaker 04

  No, I think, yeah, I think you gotta prepare jokes.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  So how would you prepare a joke?

• 34:54Speaker 04

  I don't know, I'd probably look at all the notes in my phone. I have like, do you write jokes in your phone?

• 34:58Speaker 01

  No, I write stories in my phone.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Well, that works.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  I have like an album of photos called Stories.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Should we pull up a good story or joke from our phone?

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Yes!

• 35:08Speaker 04

  Okay, oh, this is somewhat funny.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Okay, so what's your story?

• 35:12Speaker 04

  Um, when I was back home in Savannah watching March Madness with my dad, he just kept going, "That's a big boy." "How big is that boy?"

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Wait, sorry, what?

• 35:25Speaker 04

  Do you know what March Madness is? It's the basketball tournament.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 04

  And my dad would just keep looking at like,

• 35:31Speaker 01

  The players?

• 35:31Speaker 04

  Players and being like, "Big boy." I feel like dads love how big, big guys can be.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Oh, you're making the joke. Oh, cuz now the joke is coming. Oh, I see. Oh my god, I love how the, okay, wow. Cuz now the joke is like, "I feel like dads."

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  Wow, that's really beautiful.

• 35:55Speaker 04

  Crazy vibe between us, Jake.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  Okay, so someone once messaged me on Grindr, "Salut." "Ça va?" Cuz I was in France, and I responded, "Cava?"

• 36:07Speaker 04

  Oh, and then now's the joke. That's what you did to me.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Someone once DM'd me, "Hello, I deliver semi trucks across the country and I have a YouTube travel channel. I have countless stories of my travels. Some are meth in the coffee pot of Echno Lodge, waking up to an electrical fire in my room, paying 1,000 per night for a room for just a few hours. If y'all are interested, I'd love to have a call to see if we would vibe on an episode."

• 36:33Speaker 04

  I think you should do that.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Oh, this is my favorite. I got a random DM. "I stopped everyone from saying 'fuck Jake Shane' at Harry Potter and the Cursed Child tonight, by the way."

• 36:47Speaker 01

  Why was that even happening?

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Why Harry Potter at the curtain? No, I never respond. I think I honestly might have. I'm gonna reach back out to her. Cause why was that happening?

• 36:59Speaker 04

  It was on the precipice of happening. The whole crowd wanted to say fuck Jake Shane.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  At a Harry Potter.

• 37:05Speaker 04

  Hey, guys, we shouldn't. We shouldn't. Seriously.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  Isn't that crazy?

• 37:10Speaker 04

  That's insane.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  At Harry Potter.

• 37:12Speaker 04

  And then to tell you that like you'd be happy.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  I mean, like I laughed for sure, but I've never. It was one of the more wild DMs I've ever received. Do you get wild DMs?

• 37:22Speaker 04

  Should I look at my DM? Oh, I have Instagram blocked.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  You have Instagram blocked?

• 37:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  What do you mean? You use the brick?

• 37:29Speaker 04

  I have an app that blocks social media and then you can like snooze it. And then, but every time you do it, it takes longer. So it's harder and harder to do.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  Nothing?

• 37:44Speaker 01

  So what's your favorite restaurant in New York?

• 37:45Speaker 04

  Nothing even like you don't want to just say like, oh, that's interesting.

• 37:50Speaker 01

  Favorite SNL skate you've ever done?

• 37:53Speaker 04

  Um.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Were you in the haircut one?

• 37:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  Love that one.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 37:59Speaker 04

  Ashley's so funny.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  She's incredible.

• 38:01Speaker 04

  That was a great one. And then I, but I broke. I broke in that sketch during dress and then they posted that online. Does any of what I'm saying mean anything to you?

• 38:11Speaker 01

  During dress rehearsal?

• 38:12Speaker 04

  During dress rehearsal, I started laughing.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  I didn't see that.

• 38:15Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 38:16Speaker 01

  Because I saw the final. Three sad versions is amazing.

• 38:22Speaker 04

  Thanks Jake.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  What was it like to work with Taylor Swift?

• 38:25Speaker 04

  It was amazing.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Were you like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm working with Taylor Swift.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  I could not. It was, it was like maybe five weeks into me working there, four weeks. And I was just like, what the?

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Was that when she was promoting Red Taylor's version and she did All Too Well?

• 38:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  We have a new sponsor! Venmo, thank you so much Venmo for sponsoring this season and this episode. It is festival season officially and we are all paying for one another, paying each other back, and Venmo makes it easy to do that. You might be paying someone back for a drink, a hotel room, a ride, clothes, whatever it may be. The Venmo debit card makes it easy to spend that money. The other great thing is you can earn always on cash back with Venmo Stash Rewards. You just pick a bundle of your favorite brands and you earn cash back whenever you spend with them. It really is super useful and incentivizes you to use that balance in your Venmo account. You can also add your Venmo debit card to your digital wallet and we all know we love to tap and pay. It's especially great for festival season when you don't want to bring your wallet in,

• 39:25Speaker 01

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• 40:03Speaker 01

  This episode of Therapists is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking dot, yeah!

• 40:10Speaker 01

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• 40:55Speaker 01

  is a key to that magic, I think. Knowing that you're going home somewhere that you're comfortable in, is a key to being able to experience whatever trip you're on, whether it be solo, whether it be with friends. And I think booking.com really just wants to make sure you experience that magic, so that you ha- and just make sure that you have a place to stay. It really is like the easiest. Also, if you want to rent a car, you can do it on booking.com. You can really round out your whole trip and experience on it. It's trip season, everyone's talking about wanting to go somewhere. Booking.com is the place to find somewhere to stay. Find exactly what you're booking for at booking.com. Booking dot, yeah! Book today on the site or in the app.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  I don't know what I expected for this episode.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  I'm now like scared.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Scared for who?

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Both of us.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 41:45Speaker 04

  What are people gonna think when they listen to this? Are they gonna go, Jesus, Jake's always, you have a podcast, you're, you do this all the time. People love the show. You're so good at conversation. To have somebody on who it's just coming to a screeching.

• 42:00Speaker 01

  You know what it is?

• 42:00Speaker 04

  What?

• 42:02Speaker 01

  You like to talk shit.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  You like to talk shit, and that's, and I like.

• 42:08Speaker 04

  I don't.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  And I like to talk shit. And that's what we both want to do right now. So we're skirting around the fact that all we want to do is gossip.

• 42:17Speaker 04

  Okay. I guess, that would be fun.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Just to talk shit?

• 42:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, I would love to hear.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  That's why we keep making plans for outside of this.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  Like, if someone listens to this, like, what, like, a fan of yours, who doesn't really know me, oh, it's that guy from SNL, interesting, I wonder what he's like. You think they're gonna click on this and they're gonna go, the fuck is that guy's problem?

• 42:37Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  I don't think so.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  Can you help?

• 42:40Speaker 04

  You know what, maybe we could have like a, a drink.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  I have no drinks.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  Cool.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  I have no food and I have no drinks. I have Celsius and water. And pretzels.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  That's okay.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  You want a pretzel?

• 42:51Speaker 04

  Um, I'm okay.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  Right?

• 42:53Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Okay. Do you have ADHD?

• 42:56Speaker 04

  No, do you?

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 42:58Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  I just thought maybe we both had it and that's why this was happening.

• 43:01Speaker 04

  No, but you're, you're very anxious.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  Very.

• 43:04Speaker 04

  I'm very anxious too.

• 43:06Speaker 01

  Like, how does your anxiety like work, manifest?

• 43:09Speaker 04

  Um, very physical, very like stomach aches.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Sweating, I get vertigo.

• 43:17Speaker 01

  Oh, you do?

• 43:17Speaker 04

  I get dizzy, yeah.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Oh, I feel it in the back of my neck?

• 43:21Speaker 04

  Really?

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  Feel it in like my mouth.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  Sometimes I do too.

• 43:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  I feel it in my gums.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, me too.

• 43:27Speaker 01

  But I felt, I feel it a lot in the back of my neck.

• 43:29Speaker 04

  Right now, do you?

• 43:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 43:31Speaker 04

  Okay, me neither, I don't feel.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  So maybe we're not anxious.

• 43:33Speaker 04

  I think we're fine.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  I think we're fine.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  I think we're both like really worried about making a good episode.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  And coming off great.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  And we just need to, to just be ourselves.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Let's just be ourselves. So who is you?

• 43:45Speaker 04

  I'm Ben. I'm from Savannah, Georgia. Uh, I'm, uh, I like, I work at SNL.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  You are a ginger?

• 43:55Speaker 04

  I'm a ginger.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Proud.

• 43:57Speaker 04

  Proud.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  Do you want to have ginger babies?

• 44:01Speaker 04

  I'd be fine with it.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  What do you think, like, is the most, what do you think is the most misunderstood thing about, like, gingers?

• 44:11Speaker 04

  I, I don't know if there's really anything to like clear up about gingers. I think, um, we're not all the same. So I can't, I can't speak on behalf of anybody but myself.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  Um, I hate being short.

• 44:26Speaker 04

  Really?

• 44:26Speaker 01

  Hate. I hate it.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  How tall are you?

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  Five six.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  What? I'm five three.

• 44:34Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Do I give off like tall energy?

• 44:38Speaker 04

  I don't think five six is very tall.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Okay, well.

• 44:42Speaker 04

  You're 5'3"?

• 44:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  I'm 6'5".

• 44:45Speaker 01

  I know.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  Wow. Maybe that's what it is.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  That just like we're so uncomfortable in our height difference?

• 44:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  You're like over a foot taller than me.

• 44:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  That is pretty crazy.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  Wow. Okay. Why do you hate being short?

• 45:00Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I just, I feel very stocky.

• 45:04Speaker 04

  You have legroom on planes?

• 45:06Speaker 01

  It doesn't matter. I'd rather not have the legroom and feel better.

• 45:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:10Speaker 01

  So you never gave me your favorite restaurant in New York?

• 45:13Speaker 04

  I said Takuba.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  The burrito place. Fuck, yeah, you did.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  Well, it closed.

• 45:19Speaker 04

  It closed.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  So what's your favorite one that's open?

• 45:22Speaker 04

  Oh my god, you need to chill out.

• 45:25Speaker 04

  Um, there's a place called El Mitote that I go sometimes. It's good. I don't know, I'm not-

• 45:31Speaker 01

  What type of food is that?

• 45:32Speaker 04

  It's Mexican food also.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Is that your favorite type of food?

• 45:34Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, I like it.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Have you ever been to ABC Cocina?

• 45:38Speaker 04

  No.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Oh, so good.

• 45:40Speaker 04

  Where is that?

• 45:41Speaker 01

  East 19th.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  I like food, but I don't know much about like rest- I'm like not tapped into the scene.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  Okay, so let's get into the tell me what's wrong, shall we?

• 45:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  Like, are you gonna le- leave here with like scaries?

• 45:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  I like, I'm like, what, what are we gonna do?

• 46:06Speaker 01

  What's wrong with us?

• 46:07Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  Is it my fault or is it your fault?

• 46:09Speaker 04

  I'm not trying to blame you, Jake, but I am saying stuff and you're going-

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Really? That's what I'm doing?

• 46:16Speaker 04

  You've done that a bunch. You're like-

• 46:19Speaker 04

  As if the answer I have, I've given you is not satisfactory and you're like-

• 46:22Speaker 01

  Okay, so your favorite restaurant is this Mexican place. What do you get there?

• 46:26Speaker 04

  Why are we talking about this?

• 46:28Speaker 01

  Because I don't know.

• 46:29Speaker 04

  We're like two hours into a podcast. Why are you asking me my favorite restaurant? We have so much in common. There's, we have mutual friends. We have-

• 46:38Speaker 01

  Okay, Paul.

• 46:39Speaker 04

  Paul. We have so many others.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Marcelo.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  Marcelo.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Who else?

• 46:44Speaker 04

  Veronica.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  Love her. Kyle.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  Kyle.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Who else?

• 46:49Speaker 04

  Glenn Powell.

• 46:51Speaker 01

  You guys are buddies?

• 46:52Speaker 04

  Are you?

• 46:53Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 46:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  Isn't he the best?

• 46:55Speaker 04

  He's really great.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  He's the best.

• 46:57Speaker 04

  I was just in Savannah and he's shooting a movie down there.

• 47:00Speaker 01

  Yes, the country singer.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  And I think I'm gonna try to see him, um, when I go down there for my sister's graduation.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Your half-sister?

• 47:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  Were you like a good student at school?

• 47:11Speaker 04

  I was a pretty good student.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  Like, what was your GPA when you graduated?

• 47:14Speaker 04

  In high school?

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Excluding APs.

• 47:16Speaker 04

  High school?

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  Probably 4.0.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  You're lying.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  I was a pretty good student. What was yours? Maybe it was low, I don't know. As, I got As.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  I got, well, I was really bad my freshman year, cuz I didn't like, understand the concept of having to like, cuz my middle school didn't grade us.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Like, we didn't get grades. We got like, behavior grades.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  And then, so I didn't really like, once we got to ninth grade, like, I couldn't pick up on the fact that I was getting like, legitimate grades. Now, like, I, like, in middle school, I just wouldn't do my homework.

• 47:47Speaker 04

  Right.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  And then, so I really struggled, and then, I got back on track and I had like, a 4.0, my 11th grade and 12th grade.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  Whoa. And you went to USC. I read your Wikipedia. I wanted to go to USC so bad and I didn't get in, so you're smarter than me.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  I didn't get into NYU.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  Really?

• 48:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  I cried.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  When you didn't get in to USC?

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Isn't that embarrassing?

• 48:12Speaker 01

  No. I thought I didn't get in. My doorman was, I was in LA, and I was calling my doorman because, you know, you get the package. And I was like, did anything come in the mail? And he was like, no. And I was like, cool, so, this is really bad for me. Cuz it was the only place I wanted to go to.

• 48:29Speaker 04

  And look at us now.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Do you feel like, we're like, invisible stringing?

• 48:35Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 48:36Speaker 01

  Like, to each other and to friendship with each other?

• 48:39Speaker 04

  What does that mean?

• 48:40Speaker 01

  It's like, we've gone down such different paths, but I feel so like, kindred spirit with you.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  You're like, we're mirrors of each other.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  A little bit.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  Like, I'm short, you're tall.

• 48:48Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, we're, we complement each other.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Like, you didn't get into USC, I didn't get into NYU.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  You're on SNL and I'm not.

• 48:57Speaker 04

  You're 26, I'm unk. I'm chopped unk.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  What is chopped unk?

• 49:02Speaker 04

  Ugly old guy.

• 49:04Speaker 01

  That's what that means?

• 49:05Speaker 04

  I think, right? Yeah.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  What is that from, like Fortnite?

• 49:09Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 49:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, pretty much.

• 49:11Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  Oh. You watch Dreamers?

• 49:14Speaker 04

  No, this is my sister, my sisters who are in high school are the ones who are calling me unk.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  They say you're unk?

• 49:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 04

  That's a joke.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Yo, you're unk?

• 49:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  What was like a term in high school that you used?

• 49:28Speaker 04

  Swag.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  No, for real?

• 49:32Speaker 04

  It was the swag era. I graduated in 2013.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Be like, that's so swag. I guess we use lit.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  Oh, lit is worse to me.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  What?

• 49:41Speaker 04

  Swag is, I'm like, I stand by it.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  I guess so. I mean, it stands the test of time. Justin Bieber released two albums named after it.

• 49:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Swag one and swag two.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  I called Harry Styles swaggy earlier.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  In person?

• 49:54Speaker 04

  Agreed. No, you were in the bathroom.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  It's moments like that that are the problem, right?

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Right. It's like, what? I don't have anything to say back.

• 50:05Speaker 04

  Or is it that you just think I'm being uninteresting?

• 50:08Speaker 01

  No, I think you're very interesting.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Do you want to play the game where we can see if we can say the same thing at the same time?

• 50:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  Because I've done this before.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  Mind meld?

• 50:16Speaker 01

  Mind meld? Is that what it's called?

• 50:17Speaker 04

  I think so.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:19Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  We'll one, two, three, and then we'll do it. I feel like I'm reheating my role model nachos, but...

• 50:27Speaker 01

  Ready?

• 50:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  One, two, three, candle.

• 50:32Speaker 04

  Oh, sorry.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  It came fast. So we're just going from anything?

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:40Speaker 04

  Okay, ready?

• 50:41Speaker 01

  One...

• 50:42Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  You have to say it with me.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Okay, do you have your word? Do you, wait, hold on.

• 50:46Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 50:47Speaker 01

  Do you have your word?

• 50:48Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  One, two, three, watch.

• 50:51Speaker 04

  High school.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  One, two, three, unk.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Rolex.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  Oh. Rolex, unk.

• 51:02Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  One, two, three, vintage. You suck for that. You did it so delayed.

• 51:09Speaker 04

  But I swear, that was what I was gonna say the whole time.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Because that could have been such a beautiful, like...

• 51:14Speaker 04

  It was a beautiful moment.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  But it wasn't. Let's play again. I want to play again. Okay, ready? And you need to say it faster. You need to say it faster.

• 51:24Speaker 04

  We got there.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  One, do you have a word?

• 51:27Speaker 04

  Oh my god, yes.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  One, two, three, water. Lamp, water.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  One, two, three Celsius.

• 51:41Speaker 01

  Lavalin? Celsius? One, two, three, retro. What?

• 51:48Speaker 04

  Energy?

• 51:50Speaker 01

  Retro, energy.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  One, two, three, liver. Okay. One, two, three, latte?

• 52:03Speaker 01

  Dehydrated?

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Dehydrated latte, okay.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  One, two, three, water. I think I said water already. Okay.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  How quick did you enroll model get it?

• 52:14Speaker 01

  Pretty quick.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  One, ready?

• 52:17Speaker 04

  What did we do? Oat milk and water?

• 52:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. One, two, three, almond milk.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  One, two, three, cashew milk.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  One, two, three, soy milk.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  What the fuck is going on? Okay, okay.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Okay, I have one. One, two, three, two percent!

• 52:49Speaker 04

  Jake.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  I don't even wanna look at you right now.

• 52:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 52:56Speaker 04

  The sun has set.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  I have one. I have one.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  Wait.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Do you have a milk?

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Do you have a milk?

• 53:04Speaker 04

  No!

• 53:06Speaker 01

  There's not many left.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  I've, we've said all of them. Is this a dairy milk?

• 53:15Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  One, two, three, pistachio. What?

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:22Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  I think we're out of milks.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Aren't we?

• 53:27Speaker 04

  Let's leave milk.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  Okay, let's leave milk. Start over?

• 53:30Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  One, two, three, blankets.

• 53:34Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  Socks, blanket? Okay.

• 53:37Speaker 04

  Ready?

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Wait a second. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. One, two, three, shoes. Okay.

• 53:42Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  One, two, three, slippers.

• 53:48Speaker 01

  One, two, three crocs.

• 53:52Speaker 01

  One, two, three sandals! Yes!

• 53:56Speaker 04

  Yes!

• 53:59Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Fuck!

• 54:01Speaker 04

  We did get vintage, though, fast.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  We got vintage, but you fucked it up.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  And that's okay.

• 54:09Speaker 04

  Great job, Jake. We did it.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I'm having a good time with you.

• 54:15Speaker 04

  Me too.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  Like, this is like, we're friends now.

• 54:17Speaker 04

  Because if we record four hours, we might have thirty minutes we can use.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  So I've been...

• 54:26Speaker 04

  Huh?

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Sorry? So I've been in and out of the same relationship for four years now. We met in college and we just can't seem to keep... Sorry, let me restart.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  So I've been in and out of the same relationship for four years now. We met in college and we just can't seem to keep going back to each other, even though we know it never works out. He's a liar and I'm an enabler. I know he will never be able to be the person I need at the end of the day, but when we don't talk, I get scared. How do I regain my independence? I feel this.

• 55:00Speaker 04

  I feel like I've been there before. I think that's very relatable to want to cling to something you know is wrong, because what you have is, you know, less scary than the unknown. And I think, um...

• 55:14Speaker 01

  That I just had a thought?

• 55:15Speaker 04

  What?

• 55:16Speaker 01

  "I prescribe every time" by Ariana Grande.

• 55:20Speaker 04

  The song?

• 55:21Speaker 01

  Why, oh why, do I keep going back to you?

• 55:25Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  Every time?

• 55:27Speaker 04

  Yes! Thank you next, by the way.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  No, not, this is not thank you next behavior. This is every time behavior.

• 55:34Speaker 04

  I mean, here's what I'll say...

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Am I wrong, Louis?

• 55:36Speaker 04

  Here's what I'll say that I could maybe teach you about improv. Yes and, right? Because everything I'm saying, you're going, "No, no, wrong."

• 55:43Speaker 01

  Well, yes and is a song by her. Did you know that? Yes. And...

• 55:49Speaker 04

  Really?

• 55:51Speaker 01

  And you just said that?

• 55:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  That's beautiful.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  That's amazing.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, every time, off sweetener.

• 55:57Speaker 04

  I would say, you, you know, like, you can tell she knows what she has to do.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Like, she's already made up her mind. She's like, I know I don't want to be with this person. Okay. Rip the Band-Aid off.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  But why, oh, why?

• 56:13Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  Does she keep going back to him?

• 56:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, thank you, next.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  No, eh, back to you.

• 56:19Speaker 04

  Just let me have it.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  Okay, fine, thank you, next.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  I think you would love "Every Time" by Ariana Grande. That's like my hyperfixation.

• 56:28Speaker 04

  I love Ariana Grande.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  That album by, I mean, now I'm just gonna start talking about Ariana Grande. I prescribe to this girl Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande lays it out flat. Like, there's no ifs, ands, or buts with her.

• 56:41Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Like, she just kind of says it.

• 56:43Speaker 04

  She's like, this is what I'm feeling.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  You're not guessing. What is this about?

• 56:47Speaker 01

  No, except for "We Can't Be Friends." That's up to interpretation. Is it about the fans?

• 56:52Speaker 04

  She's one of my all-time favorite SNL hosts.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Wow, tell me why.

• 56:56Speaker 04

  She's amazingly, amazingly talented and nice and cool.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, I, that is so awesome to hear.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  Tell me more.

• 57:04Speaker 04

  She's just like, I mean, she could be on the cast and would be the best person on the cast. She can do impressions that are like crazy good. She just commits to everything. She's just funny and nice and awesome.

• 57:15Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 57:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  I love her.

• 57:18Speaker 04

  She's so cool. Also, she'll like, she watches the show and you, like, she, an episode that she's not involved with at all, if, if I did a sketch that she likes, she'll be like, that was so funny.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  Right, and it's cool to hear from her, because she's Ariana Grande.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  And do you have like a memory with her that you hold near?

• 57:36Speaker 04

  We did an espresso martini sketch together. Did you see it?

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:41Speaker 04

  What, what's, what's it about?

• 57:44Speaker 01

  Espresso martinis.

• 57:46Speaker 04

  And what's the, kind of, the take?

• 57:48Speaker 01

  The, the comic take?

• 57:49Speaker 04

  What's the comic take?

• 57:51Speaker 01

  On espresso martinis?

• 57:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Um, the comic take on that sketch.

• 57:55Speaker 04

  It's okay, you don't have to lie.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  I prescribe Ariana Grande, specifically the song "Every Time." Do you prescribe anything?

• 58:00Speaker 04

  I love the way you say prescribe.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, prescribe.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Prescribe.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  Prescribe.

• 58:05Speaker 04

  Prescribe.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  Prescribe.

• 58:07Speaker 04

  I like that.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  It's pus-scribe.

• 58:09Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  You thought I had a speech impediment?

• 58:16Speaker 04

  I thought it was like your New York accent.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  No, but I do say some things with my New York accent.

• 58:20Speaker 04

  Post scribe.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  I say orange, horror.

• 58:24Speaker 04

  I'm humiliated.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  How do you say caramel? Caramel? Carmel?

• 58:27Speaker 04

  You know what? I just don't like to say it.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  I hate caramel.

• 58:30Speaker 04

  That's a disaster waiting to happen.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  I hate caramel.

• 58:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't really like it either.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  What?

• 58:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  I would peg you for someone that loves it.

• 58:38Speaker 04

  Why?

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Don't know.

• 58:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess we don't know each other that well.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  But I'm like so excited to get to know you.

• 58:44Speaker 04

  I know. We're gonna go over my screen, play basketball, we're gonna do improv. We're gonna edit this episode together and it's gonna take some time, but we're

• 58:54Speaker 04

  When do you think this is gonna run?

• 58:57Speaker 01

  Do you want it to run never?

• 58:58Speaker 04

  No, I want it to run.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  I want it to run too.

• 59:00Speaker 04

  I love it. The more that it's, I'm like, this is

• 59:02Speaker 01

  This is awesome.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  I'm having a great time. Are you?

• 59:07Speaker 04

  Yes, but just having to say that is very funny. This is awesome. I'm having a great time.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  I am having a great time. Are you guys having a good time?

• 59:15Speaker 04

  She's getting so frustrated. She's like, it's good.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  I've been with my boyfriend for two years. As long as I have known him, his breath is horrid. It smells like cat wet food. Some days worse than others, and I always scooch away and he moves closer. Help. I'm not sure if it's the zins or what. It's not the zins. I love him and he's great to me, but is it a deal breaker? And how do I bring it up?

• 59:40Speaker 04

  I always scooch away and he moves closer? With your boyfriend? That's insane. You can't just be trying to scooch away from your boyfriend at all times. You gotta just, you gotta rip the Band-Aid off. Again, these people know what they have to do. They just need someone to tell them. Tell him. It's actually kinder to say, hey, man.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  Your breath smells?

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  Your breath smell like ass, like straight up cat stank wet food. I'm scooching away from you?

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Do you prescribe Listerine?

• 1:00:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, just buying like a 10 bottles of Listerine and leaving them around the house. I'm not saying anything about it and just being like, huh, that's weird.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  You have nice teeth.

• 1:00:21Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Do you take care of them well? Do you floss?

• 1:00:24Speaker 04

  I floss. But, um, I've had a lot of cavities.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  I've never had one and my teeth are so horrendously ugly.

• 1:00:31Speaker 04

  I never had one my whole life and then I switched dentists and they went, "You have 12 cavities and you need a root canal and a crown."

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  You have nice teeth.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  No, they're small and yellow.

• 1:00:42Speaker 04

  Don't talk that way about my friend Jake.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Okay. My current situationship wants to buy this romantic painting kit thing where we fuck on a canvas covered in paint and then let it dry.

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  That sounds awesome.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  That doesn't sound awesome to you?

• 1:01:06Speaker 04

  It sounds like a hassle.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  He talks about knowing the perfect place for it in his apartment. Like, we've been hooking up for six months, so it's not new, new? But is this a serial killer red flag? Thanks, let me know. Now, I actually think that's beautiful. And if I was in a situationship with someone and they were like, "I wanna fuck you on a canvas with paint" and then hang it in my apartment, I would be like, "I have found the one."

• 1:01:29Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Yup.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  I think it's a serial killer thing.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  Why? It's art.

• 1:01:36Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  Why, why do you think that?

• 1:01:38Speaker 04

  I, I don't know. I'm just like, can't we just like enjoy the moment with each other? What, what do we need to get paints involved for?

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  It's cool.

• 1:01:49Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  I mean, they don't have to do it. I'm just like, I mean if they-

• 1:01:53Speaker 04

  You know what, you know what? Maybe I'm being a prude.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  No, you're not being a prude.

• 1:01:56Speaker 04

  Go for it.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  I don't think you're being a prude. I see. What does the audience think? If someone brought that up to you guys, would-

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Manny just goes-

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  I can't help you.

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  I'm feeling guilty and weird about making a sugar baby account on the sugar daddy website. Don't get me wrong, some are dils, but it feels disingenuous to me, even though I can make good money doing next to nothing. I'm in my late twenties too, so I'm not gullible or anything like that. It's just a moral dilemma thing. Don't have it. Like, don't have the moral dilemma. Do it.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't care. Do, do, no, I mean like, I don't know, who cares? Like-

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  Right, I mean-

• 1:02:36Speaker 04

  Do whatever you want.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  If you're worried about people finding out, they won't.

• 1:02:39Speaker 04

  You don't, I mean, yeah.

• 1:02:41Speaker 01

  Unless like your friend's dad is on it and then like, that's on your friend's dad, not you. You're just trying to get a check.

• 1:02:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, is it like, are you, do you feel actually guilty like you're doing something wrong or like you fear other people's judgment? I think that's-

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  She's saying she has a moral dilemma.

• 1:02:57Speaker 04

  But I don't think there's anything morally wrong.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  There's nothing morally wrong. Do you know that prostitution is the world's oldest profession?

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  I've heard that.

• 1:03:04Speaker 01

  Where have you heard it?

• 1:03:06Speaker 04

  It's a thing people say.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Well, it was in All Out, written by Simon Rich.

• 1:03:12Speaker 04

  Okay, and you thought that he was the first person to write that?

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  No, it was just like this, it was this. I got it.

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  God, I would, I wish I could see that.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  Well, I told you, there's probably a video of, there's a video of when Sarah Silverman did it. That's, I watched that one to like prep for mine.

• 1:03:30Speaker 04

  So were you doing the same show?

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's the same show. Did you see All In?

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  I didn't get to see it either. You love Broadway?

• 1:03:39Speaker 04

  Uh, no, I like Broadway, but I don't, I don't like go, like I'm not a writer.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's fine. My best friend that I literally consider my sister is so popular at school that now she's even becoming friends with my main ops. She's so personable that she's buddy buddy with people that talk shit about me. I try to approach conversations with her about how it makes me feel and I look so insecure. What should I do? She's not your friend, a friend to all is a friend to none.

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  You know what I was gonna say?

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:04:06Speaker 04

  I was gonna say you might be a little insecure.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  Said that.

• 1:04:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, like you look and see, I'm agreeing. I'm saying you look insecure because you're being insecure. And like, you can't control who someone else is, is friends with and, and you have to just kind of like.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  Do boys have drama like that too?

• 1:04:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:04:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  Male friendships are complicated.

• 1:04:28Speaker 01

  What are they like?

• 1:04:29Speaker 04

  You know.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Nope, I don't.

• 1:04:31Speaker 04

  Do you have guy friends?

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  I have gay guy friends.

• 1:04:33Speaker 04

  Okay, I think that people's feelings get hurt just as often and we just maybe don't communicate about it as, as well.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  Are you a crier?

• 1:04:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, from time to time.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  I feel like you're a really good person.

• 1:04:46Speaker 04

  Wow, that's really nice. Thank you.

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel that from you. You have good.

• 1:04:51Speaker 04

  Thank you. I feel that you're a really good person.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Well, now you're just saying that because I just said that.

• 1:04:56Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:04:58Speaker 04

  But I do think you seem like a really nice, um, person and guy and what's our advice for this?

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Uh, a friend to all is a friend to none. Um, you should no longer be friends with this girl.

• 1:05:11Speaker 04

  So are you like fiercely protective of your friends if some, I guess that's true, right?

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:16Speaker 04

  I'm going back on my advice.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  It's like my best friend.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  Had someone that they didn't like, cuz they-

• 1:05:21Speaker 04

  And who talks shit about-

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:05:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  I would never go near them. That's horrible.

• 1:05:27Speaker 04

  I completely take back what I was saying.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  This girl in my class is talking to my ex and won't stop taking candid pictures of me and sending them to him. Like, ew, grow up. Mind you, the class I have with her is women's studies. So this is insane. I want to bitch her out, but also wanna be a bigger person. Blah, blah, blah. How do I handle her in a cunty way? Address it in front of the entire class.

• 1:05:45Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:05:47Speaker 01

  That's the cunty thing you could do.

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  Or you take some of your own pictures.

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  She'd be like, I don't give a fuck, who are you sending it to? Not your boyfriend?

• 1:05:54Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  You would dress it in front of the entire class.

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  Jeez. You do have that gear in you.

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  This is what you do. Professor's right there. Professor, I am so sorry. You have been taking photos of me and sending them to my ex-boyfriend, who you are now with. I have heard about it. If you do it one more time, we are going to have a serious fucking problem. Not only is it creepy, it is invasive, and it is the antithesis of what we are trying to learn about here today in women's studies class. And then you sit back down, and everyone will just go, "Oh." And she will feel so fucking mortified and sit in that embarrassment. Pathetic.

• 1:06:39Speaker 04

  That's amazing.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  What I just did.

• 1:06:42Speaker 04

  What you just did is amazing.

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  That's what I do.

• 1:06:43Speaker 04

  I would never have the courage to do that.

• 1:06:45Speaker 01

  So I don't know if I would either. Actually, I honestly think I would.

• 1:06:49Speaker 04

  I think that you would.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  I think I would. Don't you think what I just did was beautiful? And I think that's the way to handle it. You stand up and you say, "I'm so sorry, but I have to address this in front of the class, so you feel just as embarrassed as you should."

• 1:07:00Speaker 04

  Wow. I love it.

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  Take one more photo of me.

• 1:07:04Speaker 04

  You would be a fun, um, like, guidance counselor.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Oh, my high school guidance counselor, Francesca. Oh, you did you say you would be a fun guidance counselor?

• 1:07:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, you would be great at it.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought you said who would be a fun one. And I said my high school one, Francesca. She came and saw me in All Out.

• 1:07:18Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  And she saw my Radio City show.

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  Would you like go to her and gossip?

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  I would go to her, yeah, and gossip. I would cry. I would gossip. She was, she's the, she is the best.

• 1:07:28Speaker 04

  That's awesome.

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  She was everyone's favorite.

• 1:07:30Speaker 04

  I don't even know if we had one.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  You know, if you had a guidance counselor, that's illegal.

• 1:07:33Speaker 04

  We do, I'm sure we did, but I guess I never interacted.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  Wow, I'm like so proud of the performance I just put on.

• 1:07:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, you really went for it. I loved that.

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  I really hope you take that to heart and you do that.

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  Cause that's mean.

• 1:07:46Speaker 04

  That's fucked up.

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  Are you sending photos to my ex making fun of me?

• 1:07:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  My friends and I go for monthly dinners and a few years ago I had a good job, so I decided to cover the bills. Now I'm pursuing my dreams and living off of savings, but it's still an expectation. And they don't glance at the price of anything and just assume I'll pay. What should I do?

• 1:08:05Speaker 04

  How is that still an expectation?

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  You just say, I can't, I can't afford to do this anymore.

• 1:08:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, these friends are very unaware. I would say, guys, look. I just quit my job. I'm pursuing my dreams. Can you chip in for the eggplant parm?

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  I wonder what your dreams are.

• 1:08:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  Do you have any dreams that you haven't pursued yet?

• 1:08:22Speaker 04

  Podcaster.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  You would be an excellent one.

• 1:08:25Speaker 04

  Thanks. We tried to start a podcast once and, uh, we quit.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  What did, what did you call it?

• 1:08:31Speaker 04

  It was a Please Don't Destroy Podcast.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  Okay. Why'd you quit?

• 1:08:34Speaker 04

  Um, I think we were just like all, hmm, pretty anxious about everything we were saying.

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  See?

• 1:08:41Speaker 04

  No, totally. I'm not blaming you. I'm, uh, this is my fault.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  No, Ben.

• 1:08:46Speaker 04

  It's okay.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  I like really think like we're gonna pursue a friendship after this.

• 1:08:51Speaker 04

  I think so too.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  Open mic, basketball, what was the third? Improv.

• 1:08:55Speaker 04

  Improv.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  Which I'm lowkey good at.

• 1:08:58Speaker 04

  And we, we listened to a few episodes of ourselves and we were like, had so many notes. And, and it took so long. Like, do you listen to every episode back?

• 1:09:07Speaker 01

  But can I say that that's how it starts? Like, Nolan, do you remember how many notes I would give at the beginning? I would literally be like, I breathed weird, like, cut it.

• 1:09:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. And you just have to break through it.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  You just have to keep going.

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, we bailed.

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  That's okay. Oh my, it's almost your birthday.

• 1:09:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's coming up.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  What are you gonna do for your birthday?

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  I don't know. I had a, I had like a party for my 30th. And I usually don't do much of anything.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  I wish we were friends then.

• 1:09:31Speaker 04

  I know, it was really fun.

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  Was it really? Did you blackout?

• 1:09:34Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:09:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:09:35Speaker 04

  It was me and my friend Brady. Do you know Brady?

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  Hi Brady.

• 1:09:38Speaker 04

  We had a joint birthday party.

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  And it was great.

• 1:09:42Speaker 01

  Where'd you have it?

• 1:09:43Speaker 04

  Well, my girlfriend like planned the whole thing. And that was like the ni- I think that's maybe the nicest thing you can do.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  For my birthday, my friends tricked me. Told me they were taking me to my favorite restaurant. And instead got a hibachi chef to make me hibachi at my house.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  I went to a hibachi restaurant in the Dominican Republic, uh, with my family. And it was completely silent. Like the guy was just making the food in front, just like, clink, clink.

• 1:10:07Speaker 01

  I like that. I like that.

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  There was no music playing. He didn't try to make a show of it at all. It was interesting.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  Were you guys like all laughing about how silent it was?

• 1:10:17Speaker 04

  After the fact. In the moment, it was like, it was like tense.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  What's the hardest you've ever laughed in your life?

• 1:10:23Speaker 04

  I'm like, I think, I'm like thinking of this memory of when I was a kid when my dad like knocked his cereal bowl into the trash can and said, "Will bowl me over." And that, it's not really a joke or anything, but I don't know why I laughed harder than I've ever laughed in my life.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  That's beautiful.

• 1:10:37Speaker 04

  It was sweet.

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  You were so unassuming to the world.

• 1:10:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  My friend group got really close last summer during senior year. The guy who always hosted us started liking one of the girls and things got weird. After a few months, we noticed patterns in his stories and eventually found out he lied about three different people dying. Tragic deaths for attention. When we confronted him, he admitted it was all fake. Now the friend group is broken and the girls want to start hanging out with him again. Just so we can still use his house to host things. Should we do it or is it too weird? Well, it's giving ma.

• 1:11:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  It's giving ma, but definitely do it.

• 1:11:14Speaker 04

  It's giving paw.

• 1:11:19Speaker 04

  You fake laughing. I honestly like feel bad for compulsive liars sometimes.

• 1:11:26Speaker 01

  I don't. I think it's like evil and weird and crazy.

• 1:11:29Speaker 04

  But what if it's just a compulsion that you like truly can't help?

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  Literally, it makes, nothing makes me more angry than a compulsive liar. Cause I can't lie.

• 1:11:37Speaker 04

  You can't?

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  Have you seen me lie once this episode? I've tried. I fucking tried to lie to you. And every time I try, it slips out.

• 1:11:45Speaker 04

  Wow, okay.

• 1:11:46Speaker 01

  I hate liars. I hate them. I hate them. They drive me insane. It's my number one thing. Why? Why do you lie?

• 1:11:53Speaker 04

  I'm talking about people who lie in a crazy way.

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it still makes me angry.

• 1:11:57Speaker 04

  Okay. I think most people would agree with you. I'm just saying like,

• 1:12:02Speaker 04

  through the lens of like mental illness, like imagine you, you just literally, I have to lie right?

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  You're an empath.

• 1:12:07Speaker 04

  That would be crazy and horrible and it would destroy your life.

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  I think I want to leave my fiance.

• 1:12:12Speaker 04

  Do it. Again, it's like, you've said it. You've already said it, right? That's what you want.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  Well, let's get some context.

• 1:12:21Speaker 04

  I'm sorry.

• 1:12:23Speaker 01

  I can't stand being around him anymore. He's a certified man-child. His grandma did everything for him growing up, so he doesn't know basic skills. He didn't know how to do laundry or the dishes until he met me and I forced him to learn because what the fuck? I'm a clean freak. I hate messes and I need clutter-free space to feel good about myself and my life. I've expressed this to him so many times. When my space is dirty, I feel like shit and my mental health declines. But still, he keeps leaving messes around our apartment for me to clean up. There's a lot more of this type of behavior. So is this means for a split? Yeah, it sounds like you fucking hate him.

• 1:12:57Speaker 04

  This is what I'm saying.

• 1:12:58Speaker 01

  You were right.

• 1:12:59Speaker 04

  These people are like, I hate my life and my fiance, he makes me miserable. He has zero redeeming qualities. Should I stay with him? It's like, you know the answer.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:13:09Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:13:10Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:13:11Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 1:13:12Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:13:14Speaker 04

  Next.

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:13:16Speaker 04

  Yes, and?

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  Next.

• 1:13:18Speaker 04

  What's the other one?

• 1:13:19Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:13:20Speaker 04

  No, no, the one that you were saying.

• 1:13:23Speaker 01

  You get high and call on the regular. I get weak and fall like a teenager. Why, oh, why do?

• 1:13:30Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:31Speaker 01

  Does God keep bringing me? I get drunk, pretend that I'm over it. Self-destruct, show up like an idiot. Why, oh, why does God keep bringing me?

• 1:13:45Speaker 04

  Honorful. Oh.

• 1:13:49Speaker 01

  It's the best song ever. You know what else, other song I love?

• 1:13:52Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:13:53Speaker 01

  It's not by Geese, it's by the Guy and Geese.

• 1:13:56Speaker 04

  Different Winter?

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, Love.

• 1:13:57Speaker 04

  Takes Miles?

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:13:59Speaker 04

  It's a good song.

• 1:14:06Speaker 01

  Yes! That was really good.

• 1:14:09Speaker 04

  Wallet on the ground. That's what he sounds like.

• 1:14:13Speaker 01

  I was like, is my wallet on the ground?

• 1:14:14Speaker 04

  No, no, that's one of his other songs.

• 1:14:16Speaker 01

  Wallet on the ground?

• 1:14:17Speaker 04

  Bag of rubber bands.

• 1:14:20Speaker 01

  I think Love Takes Miles is beautiful.

• 1:14:21Speaker 04

  It's a great song.

• 1:14:22Speaker 01

  Cause it does take miles.

• 1:14:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  You gotta show up for the people.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  Oh my god, so true.

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  What's your favorite song of all time?

• 1:14:31Speaker 04

  This is a completely random answer. It's just, it's not my favorite song, it's just the first one that popped in my head. Outcast Roses.

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  Oh, that's, that could be your favorite song of all time.

• 1:14:43Speaker 04

  Could be, but-

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Phenomenal song.

• 1:14:44Speaker 04

  Love it.

• 1:14:45Speaker 01

  My favorite song of all time is The Archer by Taylor Swift and Someday by The Strokes.

• 1:14:51Speaker 04

  That's one of my favorite songs of all time, too.

• 1:14:53Speaker 01

  Someday?

• 1:14:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:54Speaker 01

  It's the best song ever.

• 1:14:54Speaker 04

  I love The Strokes.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  Same. I love them. And I've, every time I've tried to see them live, I always get fucked because my friend never wants to go. They're always playing at a festival I'm at and I always miss them.

• 1:15:03Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  But they're playing at Coachella this year.

• 1:15:05Speaker 04

  Are you gonna go?

• 1:15:06Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:15:07Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  You like Vampire Weekend?

• 1:15:09Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  I love Vampire Weekend.

• 1:15:10Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:15:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:11Speaker 04

  Do you like McGee?

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like Are You Looking Up?

• 1:15:15Speaker 04

  I love McGee.

• 1:15:16Speaker 01

  What's your favorite Vampire Weekend song?

• 1:15:18Speaker 04

  Uh, Campus.

• 1:15:21Speaker 01

  Okay, minus Step.

• 1:15:23Speaker 04

  Great.

• 1:15:24Speaker 01

  What's your second favorite?

• 1:15:27Speaker 04

  Um, Oxford comma, I like that era.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:15:32Speaker 04

  I like Step 2.

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  When you listen to them on the Upper West Side, do you feel like you are them?

• 1:15:36Speaker 04

  Like at Columbia?

• 1:15:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:38Speaker 04

  Kind of. Somebody stopped, somebody heckled a Please Don't Destroy live show one time. We were like doing someone else's show and like we were in the middle of a sketch and they were like, "You guys look like Vampire Weekend." It's crazy.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 1:15:52Speaker 04

  We were kind of dress preppy.

• 1:15:53Speaker 01

  Did you take it as a compliment?

• 1:15:55Speaker 04

  No, I mean, we were in the middle of doing a sketch, it feels like they weren't loving what we were doing.

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  I love what you do.

• 1:16:02Speaker 04

  Thanks, Jake.

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  Speaking of, what did we learn today?

• 1:16:05Speaker 04

  What did we learn? I think we learned that you and I have, um-

• 1:16:12Speaker 04

  A lot of work to do.

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  I was about to say a long road ahead.

• 1:16:17Speaker 04

  We have a long road ahead in a beautiful way.

• 1:16:19Speaker 01

  Because I was gonna say, we're both committing to it.

• 1:16:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:21Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 1:16:22Speaker 04

  I'm in.

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  I'm in.

• 1:16:23Speaker 04

  I'm all in.

• 1:16:24Speaker 01

  I'm all in.

• 1:16:26Speaker 04

  We're gonna hang out and we're gonna...

• 1:16:30Speaker 01

  Do you think it's gonna be like this?

• 1:16:32Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:16:33Speaker 01

  I don't think so either.

• 1:16:33Speaker 04

  I don't think so. I think as soon as the mic is off, we're gonna be like totally at home.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Oh my god, so normal, so great, like the second we stop recording.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, 100%. But my question is, are we gonna allow people into this dynamic that we're having or not? I'm open to both.

• 1:16:52Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 1:16:54Speaker 04

  Are we gonna keep parts where we're going, is this weird? Are we feeling okay? We're gonna keep all that?

• 1:16:58Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 1:16:59Speaker 04

  You think so? You think we have to?

• 1:17:00Speaker 01

  It's...

• 1:17:01Speaker 04

  You think there's no point?

• 1:17:02Speaker 01

  It's endearing and beautiful.

• 1:17:03Speaker 04

  It's endearing? Okay, good.

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  It's beautiful, like we're being so vulnerable and honest. It's, yeah.

• 1:17:09Speaker 04

  Okay. I'm scared, I'm not gonna lie.

• 1:17:12Speaker 01

  You are?

• 1:17:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:14Speaker 01

  Um, don't worry.

• 1:17:15Speaker 04

  Okay. What did we learn? We learned, um...

• 1:17:19Speaker 01

  I learned what chopped unk meant.

• 1:17:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:22Speaker 01

  From you.

• 1:17:23Speaker 04

  From a chopped unk himself.

• 1:17:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  I think we learned that you just have to like, like you know the answer in your heart.

• 1:17:34Speaker 04

  And you just have to take action. And it's easy to talk about something, but it's hard to take action.

• 1:17:44Speaker 04

  I've learned that you shower face down, lying down? Why am I adding face down?

• 1:17:49Speaker 01

  No, I shower sitting down.

• 1:17:51Speaker 04

  You said lying down.

• 1:17:53Speaker 01

  Yep, I also do that.

• 1:17:54Speaker 04

  Face down?

• 1:17:55Speaker 01

  Like this.

• 1:17:55Speaker 04

  Okay, up, face up.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I learned that like I've developed a beautiful friendship with you today.

• 1:18:01Speaker 04

  I know, I really, I really see...

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  And I mean that shit.

• 1:18:05Speaker 04

  I think that we're gonna hang out.

• 1:18:06Speaker 01

  I, I know we're gonna hang out.

• 1:18:08Speaker 04

  We're gonna end up like...

• 1:18:09Speaker 01

  What are you doing Friday?

• 1:18:11Speaker 04

  I think I'm busy.

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:18:13Speaker 04

  No, I'll hang out Friday.

• 1:18:15Speaker 01

  Okay, cool.

• 1:18:15Speaker 04

  I have no plans. Let's hang out Friday.

• 1:18:16Speaker 01

  I have a work dinner. You want to get drinks after?

• 1:18:18Speaker 04

  Let's do it. See you there. Should we do an open mic?

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  No, let's go, let's do drinks.

• 1:18:22Speaker 04

  We gotta ease into it.

• 1:18:23Speaker 01

  Let's go to a bar, let's get drinks, call it a day.

• 1:18:25Speaker 04

  Talk shit.

• 1:18:26Speaker 01

  Okay, well, Ben?

• 1:18:28Speaker 04

  Jake, thank you so much for having me.

• 1:18:30Speaker 01

  Thank you so much for coming on the show.

• 1:18:32Speaker 04

  It was an honor. I'm sorry I didn't bring, um, presents like Marcel.

• 1:18:35Speaker 01

  Oh, that's okay.

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  Do most people do that, or is it just?

• 1:18:38Speaker 01

  No, it was just him.

• 1:18:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:18:40Speaker 01

  Do you want to give a little "Bye pussies"?

• 1:18:42Speaker 04

  Bye pussies? Do you want me to do it again?

• 1:18:45Speaker 01

  Um... No.

• 1:18:50Speaker 04

  Bye pussies?

• 1:18:52Speaker 01

  Louder.

• 1:18:53Speaker 04

  Bye pussy.

• 1:18:54Speaker 01

  Ben?

• 1:19:00Speaker 01

  Thank you!

• 1:19:02Speaker 04

  Bye pussies! Thank you Jake, I love you!