The Basement Yard
Ill pretend to not choke until its an actual problem! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
16,103 words · 4 speakers
Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
Welcome back to the ba-
Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Frank?
Very nice. I like that a lot.
Ant's not here today?
Ant's not here!
He's with us in spirit.
This is what he left.
Don't make him suck your wiener, okay? Don't make him suck your wiener.
He, uh-
He's on vacation.
He's on vacation. He's in Aruba.
He's having a good time.
Uh, maybe. I mean, he did post yesterday because the Picky Boys, uh, I don't know if it's going on when this comes out, their fucking Mario Kart subathon?
Yeah.
And he's like, "Training. Brother, you're in Aruba."
Yeah, just go outside. Let the sun hit ya. You'll be all right.
There is, if you would ask me for 20 things to do on vacation, how many of them do you think would involve a video game?
You?
Well, geez.
I feel like it's not that high for you, but-
No, but he's, he gave us these, um, which-
Which we're gonna need, because the AC broke, duh.
Uh, duh.
Also, wifi's down.
He's blowing us.
Ant's blowing us right now.
Ant's blowing us this episode.
Ant's blowing us.
He can't do anything. Well, alright, you be Ant, I'll be, uh, me.
Okay.
Okay. Hey, Ant, you're, you're blowing us.
Alright, he's got-
I mean, that's not, absolutely, you know?
Um, also, take a look at this. Look at that!
This is, listen, for the World Cup, limited edition- Para lo copo de mundial!
We made soccer jerseys, okay? Studios FC, see, it says Studios Football Club. Got a little thing here. We have two of these, which means we won two World Cups. Oh, is that what that means? The stars?
Oh, I didn't know that.
Um, we've won, we have won some stuff.
We've, we've, we, I don't, yeah.
We're sexiest podcasters of 2024.
That's what that, that's what that signifies. And the other one was, uh,
Uh, uh, best ensemble. So we have won two World Cups of
That's what it is.
Very specific niche topics.
But we made these, uh, soccer jerseys. They're fucking awesome. Uh, they are limited and we have a whole new merch operation coming also. That's gonna be a lot of fun, a lot of cool stuff. You can go to Santa Gato Studios right now. Santagatosstudios.com right now. There'll be a thing at the bottom where you can put your email in, put that in and you'll, we'll let you know when all the merch is coming out, but these are coming out July 13th at noon. All right.
Oh shit. That's like soon.
Wow. Okay. Oh, I'm excited.
Need them for the World Cup.
I'm not only excited, I had one of those drinks that you got and I'm like, ahh!
You got some caffeine?
I got a little bit. Um, Ant's not here. Those are really nice. It's Santagatosstudios.com.
Make sure you specify the dot com because people might go to like dot cock or dot penis.
No one's gonna do that.
I don't know.
Because those aren't websites.
I mean, they might be. Is that a website?
Dot cock?
Dot penis. Look up if there are any.
You want me to do that?
I'll do it. What do you want me to do?
All right, um.
What do you want me to type?
Um, look up, uh, this is what happens when Ant's not here.
Right. Look up something dot penis.
Uh, whatever you think, but I'm, it's the dot at the end. Cause there's dot org, dot gov, dot com, dot co, which whatever.
The wifi's down. I forgot till right now.
Guys.
We can't look anything up, by the way. The wifi's down. Something's going on, I guess.
Back to our roots of being able to just make an assumption about something and be confident that it's the truth.
And it is the truth because no one can say it's not because there's no one in the room.
Shorting your scat.
Right.
You know, it's both the truth and fake at the exact same time.
Exactly.
So who cares? We're back, this is the OG basement yard now.
Let's start, let's go back to your roots. Start speaking like you're Hispanic.
Don't say that.
Start speaking like you're Hispanic.
So like sluts like they'll be wild with them titties.
Okay, we're moving on now. Bro, I will tell you this, something embarrassing, more embarrassing than that recently, uh, this was yesterday. I got in the elevator and I had a water bottle and there was like a couple of people in the elevator with me and I went to go drink it and I like aspirated and you know when you do that, so like you're like basically coughing in your mouth and you have something in your mouth and you're like choking on it, like goes down the wrong pipe type of thing.
You kind of have that moment where you're like, am I just gonna spit this out or am I gonna try and hold it together?
I'm around a bunch of people. I should have been like, gonna just hold it together. I ditched it.
I spit, but I spit, I spit organized. I spit like in the corner, cause I was standing in the corner and I was just like,
Oh, those are the worst. Cause it's like,
Also, my eyes are going, cause I'm tearing and my face is turning red.
Who were you in the elevator with?
Strange humans.
Yeah, but like age, like that, that does make a difference. If you're in there with like an old broad.
Oh, there wasn't old bags with me, but there were people that I don't, I mean, there was like, for the most part, everyone in my building is around the age of like thirty to fifty-five.
It's tough, honestly, because those are the people that are gonna make fun of you. They're gonna be like, I saw that guy from the basement yard in there and he was choking and he couldn't swallow.
I spit it all over the ground and I took a picture of it too.
Let me see.
You wanna see it?
I kinda do.
I mean, it's just a, it's just a puddle in my shoes.
But you're, but you're with the people next to you and they're like, not only is this guy-
I didn't take a picture of them.
I know, but I'm saying like, not only is this guy choking and just organizationally spitting on his own shoes, but now he's taking a picture of it?
They all were like, are you okay? And I was like, yeah.
Wrong pipe. Yeah. I hate when that happens when like you drink like something super like with a very specific powering. Yeah, dude, that, it looks like-
It's the water.
It's not like a small amount of water either. Good amount.
Cause I was in the middle of drinking, so it was like the third gulp and then the third gulp was just kinda like, ah, like hit me in the back of the throat.
I hate when it does that with like a super flavorful liquid and then you taste that liquid like a, like a hyper concentrated form of it. Has that ever happened to you?
Like that's happened to me when I've had like orange juice like I'll like it'll go down the wrong pipe and then my throat just tastes of orange juice.
Oh, it's like, oh, yo, this is orange juice, though.
Yeah. Exactly. Like, it's like, it's orange juice, the orange juice.
Yeah, it's like it's in your bloodstream now or something.
That's tough, but you were okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, physically, yes. Emotionally damaged and embarrassed.
Is it people that you had seen before or since?
Honestly, like, don't know. I kind of like in elevators, I'm not like a take a look at everyone. Like, I could very well get in the elevator with someone that I know and I wouldn't say anything.
Because I wouldn't know that they're there. I'm kind of just like.
Oh, you're just in your own zone?
I imagine that at that point, everyone around is just like, what a fucking piece of shit this guy is.
I think they were thinking that. And a part of me was debating on like, do I like kick this around like a dog? You know what I mean? Like when a dog, when a dog like moves the dirt, like I'm like, do I like move this out of the way?
Like you fucking, you know?
Yeah, I didn't know what to do.
Choking is one of those things that like, I have the approach of like, people are kind of victimized by mental, not mental, but like health issues. Like something will happen to them. Like they, they get, they get the cold or something like that. Choking is one of those that it's just like, I'm the problem if I'm choking.
It's so embarrassing to choke.
That's why that I think you should leave a sketch that they did was so funny where he's choking in front of the, the like celebrity.
But like, it's one of those where like, if someone like falls or bangs their head or scrapes their knee or, or, or gets sick or something like that, I'm like, oh, I feel bad for that person. When I see them choke, I'm like, figure it out quickly or I'm hoping, I'm rooting for the choke.
Um, unless, unless it's like a real choke. Like it's like a.
Then that's terrifying. I don't want to be around.
I don't want to be around.
I part of me wants to run away.
I'll be honest, if I, I don't think I've ever seen someone choking like that, but like, I would like to think that I would be heroic, but I just don't know if I have it. I'd be too afraid of doing the wrong thing because apparently the Heimlich's not a thing anymore.
Oh, no, dude, I'd be fucking beating this person's back up.
Really?
Yeah, yeah. I mean, if, if, if someone else is there, then I'm like, oh, my God, I want to get away from this. If they're like, if I, they need my help, I'm going over there, obviously. And I'm trying everything, dude. I'm like, Heimlich-ing, I'm slamming their head, I'm fucking, yeah, I'm doing crazy shit.
Put them in like a fucking abdominal stretch and just punch their stomach.
Put them in a full Nelson, just start kneeing his spine and shit. Like, I'd be terrified, man.
I just, I don't know, because I would be fighting my nature where like, I want to help and I want to make sure this person's okay, but like, ew, you freak, you're choking?
The only choking that I, that I don't like is
What's that?
Like when people are like, they, they like clear your throat and it's like
and it's just that and it's like you can't get rid of it, which I'm, I sympathize with the fact that you may have that. I, I think I told you on the show
That someone had dinner, I'm not, Frank, not an exaggeration, not be, not me being whatever, Nicole was there, 45 minutes?
And I want to be like, step out!
Step outside and figure this out on the street, sidewalk.
Choking is one of those experiences that it's not, you're not the only person experiencing that medical situation. It's everyone around you.
Also, restaurant, like, there's food, people are eating, you're coughing, step out. Or go to the app.
I mean, if you're in like a, like a booth or like something like, I, I don't think it's that bad, but if you're in like a crowded restaurant where the tables are like, the people that are sitting like right here.
I'll say this.
If someone coughs and they're sitting it right there to me, I'm asking for a new dish. They've coughed on my food.
Tiny, uh, it's, it's a small restaurant, but also we were all sitting at the bar. So he was sitting at the bar, facing the bartender. He, he was, he was two people down.
Oh, that's, that's, that's too close.
I'm like, bro, figure this out.
Drink something.
But even that, sometimes like I've had it where it's like, it's not working, so I'll just shove my finger down my throat and like try to break up whatever it is, just in case I can do that.
Let me ask you a question. Do you think that I'm five years old and I'll just believe everything you say? I don't believe that for a second.
You need not believe it, for it be the truth.
Who is this?
It's true.
You've never had, I've had popcorn recently.
You shove your fingers down your throat and you mix it up?
Yes.
Like you're snake in a toilet?
I mean, there have been times, you know, um, like the, the like shell that is on the kernel of popcorn sometimes?
The kernel?
No, no, but it's like, it's like the outer layer. It's like a, it's like a film that goes around it. I, I, I have gotten a piece of that stuck in my throat and I'll go down and I'll just break it off and pull it out sometimes.
Like, you're, first of all, can I say something without you getting offended?
No.
You're a whore.
Why?
No gag reflex whatsoever goes down there, just fiddles around and gets things out?
Honestly, I don't know what it has been lately. I've been gagging lately. Uh, I should.
In the gay way?
No, no, no, no, no. I mean, uh, in the brushing my teeth way.
So you're not gagging, you're like gagging?
Well, no, isn't that like?
Or, or gagging?
Here's the, what's the gag?
No, no, no.
Isn't that like a Wendy Williams, Kiki Palmer thing? Wasn't that the clip? She was like, the gag is.
You weren't there. I've seen those.
So it wasn't gay gagging?
It was not. It was like.
Which is different than sexual gagging.
Duh, dude.
Duh.
Which one were you doing?
I was brushing my tongue.
Oh, tongue gag.
Lately, I, I have like 10 seconds and then if I go even a second over that, it's a huh.
So, but lately it, it has been a little bad, but seriously, if there's something like on like the, like in there, I'll, if I could break it up, I'll try to break it up. Cause sometimes you could like feel it right there and you do that thing where like.
Yeah, does that even do anything?
And shit up the back of your tongue and stuff like that?
There was a kid I used to know, he would stick his pinky in his ear. And then like his tongue would be like, it looked like on this side of his mouth. And then would make a weird sound and I'd be like, what is that?
I think the fucking, in the mask, Jim Carrey does that. Where he like can't hear and he's like.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I don't, I don't understand people's like horniness with itching their ears or something.
I do get that sometimes, cause sometimes it feels like a piece of earwax kinda like falls into my canal a little bit. And then my ears get kinda itchy, cause I'm like, is my voice vibrating and it's like itching my ears? So I start smacking right here.
I swear to God.
I do that, cause I'm like, I gotta get this thing out of there.
This hurts, dude.
Yeah, no, no, no, it's back here.
Oh.
It's like right behind my ear, cuz that's what it feels like.
Bro, the AC's broken here, I'm gonna be a fucking puddle by the end of this.
Yeah, we'll, we'll be good, we'll be good. But I, I literally just start smacking my neck.
Smack your gills, just so I kinda loosen it up?
Yeah, I smack my jowls. It's getting hot.
It is getting a little toasty in here. Alright, I didn't know, I'll have to try that next time, cuz I've gotten like itches in my ear, where it feels like, it's like my brain that's, needs a scratch.
But like, I normally...
I do some stuff like that too.
I do, like I'm on fucking PCP, you know what I mean? Like, I got an ear itch.
Well, I start doing that too, but then I start convincing myself that it's a bug and I get real scared.
That, that has happened. Speaking of bug, you hear about this fucking explosive butt bug that's going around?
Yeah, there's other ways to say it, for sure. Um, but yes, I do know what you're talking about. There's a parasite going around that gives you diarrhea, and I just wanna say to this parasite, I don't need you to show me how to shit like that, alright? I can do that all on my own.
I don't need this parasite coming around.
Appreciate it, it's a, it's a chivalrous parasite, it's just like, let me help you out here.
Yeah, like, it's nice to have an excuse as to why there's diarrhea, but like, I don't need you.
Dingle dangle cha cha cha, as your family says. Well, there, there was a day that we recorded, and we got lunch, and the next day I was like, I must've gotten food poisoning, I think I texted you like that day or the, or a couple days after, I was like, yo, I think I got food poisoning because like, I've been in shambles all morning. And like, for the whole day, like, I just, I felt like shit, like, I felt sick, and like...
You were in ruin.
I was in ruin, I was, I was basically a rubble of a man.
Like Athens.
Frankie rubble. Yeah, like, like Athens.
Parts of it.
Yeah, the Parthenon.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. But, and then, a couple days later, you had, you said like, I must've been the bratwurst I had at this bar I went to.
Which was in hindsight a mistake.
I mean, did it taste good?
It was room temperature.
So it wasn't even a hot?
Well, the thing is, like, I went to this place that's like a pop-up. It's for the World Cup. They show like the games there. So it's not typically a place where they-
Have food?
Yeah, it's like where they have food or like drinks even, like they set up bars and stuff. So I went there. The line for the drink, I literally got there for the USA game. I forgot who they were playing, but they, uh... I got on the line with like seven minutes into the game. I didn't get my drinks until halftime.
So I ordered food when I did that, and then when the food came, eventually-
It was already warm?
It was already like, it was kinda room temperature.
That's tough.
So I was like, "I'm gonna..."
But, I mean-
It's already, I got to-
It's a cooked hot dog, like you're, it's Bratwurst, like you're, you're fine, but-
It turned me up.
You thought it was the brat. It wasn't. It's this fucking ass-bug.
Well, we don't know.
I think there is a, we can now say with comfort and security that it might have been that.
We can say with comfort and security that it may have, that it, we can say with the utmost confidence that it might have been that.
Yeah, I mean, is that not science, being able to say like, "I am confident that it might be this answer"?
Maybe, yeah, I don't know, but-
Dude, it's like going around, like, and it started at like the beginning of May, and people are like just reporting it now. It's called like Chlorosporidus or something like that.
Oh, I knew a kid in high school named Greek guy.
Oh, yeah, 100%.
What was it? Cronus?
It's like Stan Populous? Something like that. Chlorosporidus or something.
Yeah, that dude's dad owns a diner.
Owns a diner. He also owns three Burberry shirts that he wears on rotation.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
And he calls himself a Greek god, and he has an omega symbol tattooed. I can keep going.
Well, you can.
I, should I?
Alright.
Um, but, uh, you were gone, you were in Portugal.
I was in Portugal.
Estudo de pai.
I, I will say, when you do that, I know you're kinda joking, but, uh, you are saying words, I think.
I, estudo de pai is like, I remember our old friend used to say that, I think to his dad.
Are we sure we know what it means?
Hey dad.
Maybe, I don't know, I mean.
Well, did they have a good relationship? Cause maybe it's.
Yeah, they had a good relationship with their dad. You remember Manny?
Yeah, he was Portuguese and he would be like, oh, estudo de pai, eu sou baleza, you know?
He's still Portuguese.
He is, yeah. I spoke to him like a couple of months ago.
Yeah, he's got like kids and shit, he's doing alright.
Wow.
Look at that.
We went to, there was this kid that we knew in high school named Manny who was Portuguese, and he was the only person that we knew that was Portuguese, so naturally we know everyone that is Portuguese now.
You know? But, yeah, so you, you were crushing it over there?
Yeah, had a couple of wines, had a cou- a couple of, uh, pastel de nada.
Pastel de nada?
Yeah, it's, well, I went, we went to a class where you make them.
Oi!
What was that?
That's what they say.
That's it. Wait, so you were making food and shit like that?
Well, I just went to a class and we made those.
Pastel de dados?
Yeah, and we, uh, we like made the custard and shit, which by the way, the process of making custard is kinda gross.
Isn't it just like cold cream that's like beaten and to obliterate?
I was beating cream for sure, yeah.
And like, you do it over like ice, right?
Well, you do it over heat and then you take it off the heat eventually and then you're like, you know, it's.
What kinda custard was it, vanilla?
Uh, whatever the yellow one is. It was like kinda lemon, there was, we put lemon, we put, uh, cinnamon in it.
Are you starting to go back and you're liking like lemon pastries now?
Um, no, like they're not my favorite. I don't like, I don't like, um, like key lime pie, I'm like, ooh.
I had legit key lime pie when we were in Key West and it was like good. It's not like what you expect, like where it's just like, that's lime, but it's cold, like it's, it tastes, it's more, there's more depth to it than that. What's the shit called?
The thing that used to look like my old hair. What's that called?
A meringue?
Yeah, the meringue. Why do they do so much of that? Let's get more cake in this.
Dude, the French are, I know you weren't in France, and I know we're not talking about the French. I'm gonna bring them up, though, because they came up with meringues, I think.
Did they?
They're so up their own butt about food, dude.
About meringue?
Dude, they love meringues out there.
I'm good.
And they're like, "We're going to touch a meringue." I don't know who that was.
That was literally not an accent that exists in the world.
Well, we are going to touch this meringue. That's better.
That's better, yeah.
That's a little bit better.
But, I don't know. Do you ever see the, like, pastry, they're like desserts, but they're like hard meringue? And you like...
Isn't that called something?
Isn't that a, what's the shit that you spit all over the table?
Uh, fuck, what was that called?
Pavlova.
Yeah, no, that's, that's like a cake. That's like a cream and fruit cake.
Is it? Because that, I thought that was like, it's like, it feels like a fucking, what's that called? Silicone?
Silicone?
Yeah, like pavlova.
Pavlova, I think it's like a, it's like a dessert dish. It's not like the thing.
Well, whatever is part of that. That's the thing that you spit all over the table.
I don't like how you're saying that. I know, I know I spit it.
I didn't like how you did it with your actions.
Because I was sitting across from you getting hit with debris.
All right, can you, can I fucking talk now, please?
Oh, yeah, now we gotta get off it.
This is from Sally's Baking Addiction.
What is that, a website?
Website. Because I refuse to use, like, Gemini AI answers. Is a dessert popular in New Zealand and Australia? Give me an accent.
Is a what?
A dessert popular in New Zealand and Australia.
It's not as common here as in the States.
Made from egg whites that are slowly baked into a relatively cool oven. Egg whites.
Just a lot of egg whites.
It's mainly fresh whipped cream and piles of fresh fruit in like a cake like.
That's a pavlova?
Oh, so I don't even know what I'm talking about then.
I mean, I think meringue is in there somewhere. That's what the egg whites are.
Have you ever made one in like a, in like a really fast?
A mixer?
Yeah. They're cool and they're like, they're good when they're peaking.
What does that mean?
Like if it comes to a peak, like, like, kind of like shaving cream?
Oh, I'll tell you what.
Edging, like meringues would be like, they're good when they're right there.
Don't go too far. Um, what are the, when you're cooking and they got the white?
Fold, when they folding?
Yeah, but the, the tool I'm talking about, the utensil, like the white rubber where you're like.
A rubber spatula?
Is it?
I mean, they're, they're, I've seen them done with rubber spatulas.
So that thing, right? It looks like, kind of like a dolphin's face. You know what? Not a, a beluga whale's face, kind of. You know what I mean?
Kind of.
You know what I mean?
Kinda.
For some reason, when I see those, I'm like, those are delicious. Cause I always, like, I'm talking about the utensil I find delicious. I chewed on one. Um, but I find those amazing because when I was, not amazing, but like when I was younger and my mom would make cake, she would always just like hand it to me and I would eat it.
Lick it.
Yeah, because it would have like, which in hindsight, I'm not supposed to be eating raw egg, mom. Um, but now whenever I see one, I'm like, whatever's on that, I want to lick.
There's a guy on TikTok that makes like pastries, but he'll make them out of like, he'll, he'll make like his own like uh, jellies and fruit syrups and stuff like that. And he has that thing where he just fucking scrapes and folds and it just fucking shits on itself and stuff like that. You know who I'm talking about?
That's his night. Or the guy that makes his chocolate, he basically, he'll be like, I'm going to make a chocolate baseball bat, but he'll make it look like a butthole.
Yeah, yo, that guy's incredible what he does.
Mad good, but also-
He's a chocolatier.
He's a, he definitely is, but also very horny dude.
Yeah, yeah, well, he's not, he like, you know, he started throwing that horny thing in like later on.
Like at first, he was like, yo, I'm just about to chocolate, but now it's like, we're gonna make it look like a, a dong before we get it to look like a Super Mario or something.
That's the exact one because, uh, I was scrolling one day and like Ruby saw like the guy like melting chocolate. And this caption said like, for the Super Mario Galaxy movie. And I was like, alright, let's watch this. And he's making like a full asshole and like fingering the butt. And I'm trying to show Ruby a chocolate Super Mario.
I'm like, yo dude, take, uh, Anari, take it easy.
I, I will say, I think that it does add to the, the retention of the video because a part of it, it's like two videos in one. Cause at the end, you're gonna get something like, you know, it's like a train set. But in the beginning, you're like, is this a squid getting sucked off or something? And then he, and then he starts painting and you're like, oh, okay.
Oh, I didn't, I didn't get that at all. I thought, I thought, I think, I think he's trying to like lean into like, I can make some cool stuff with chocolate, but I'm gonna make you, I'm gonna peak you.
You know, while I'm doing it.
It's like, I'm gonna clickbait you a little bit with like some, some potentially vagina looking stuff.
Definitely. Would you ever like get like a chocolate? Like mold of your face or something? There's also companies-
Hell yeah.
You could do like chocolate molds of your asshole and your penis.
I saw that. I mean, you could definitely mold your, your, uh, your ding dong for sure.
I've seen those. I've never done that though.
I've never have either, but like how?
I would, I'm just afraid that when it's done and I just like put it down, I'm gonna go.
Now let me ask you the age old question. Here's the age old question.
I don't know that I'd wanna see it detached from me.
That's fair. That is, that is super fair. Like I, I've gotten to know my penis as a part of me. Seeing it like over there, I'll be like.
Yeah, you know, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like I can look down at it, but the second we're eye level, I'm gonna be like.
Well, why are you getting down to it? You mean like it's on your plate on your table?
Like, like here, it's like closer to my eye level, but I'm, I'm looking like, I'm looking down.
Yeah, I, I guess, but here's the age old question and this is a serious-
Have you ever looked up at your penis? Have you ever looked up at it?
Up? How would I do that? Like I'm hanging upside down like a, what, why would I be in that position?
I'm just saying, have you?
I don't think so.
Should we do that? Not together.
I mean, go into the other room. I'll close my eyes and just give me an idea of what it-
The other room that he's pointing to isn't a room. This is one room.
No, there's a wall there, a wall here, there's curtains over there where you guys film OPL. You can go behind the curtain. I guess I'll see it.
I'm not gonna do that.
Why not?
Because I don't know that I want to. I was just asking if you have.
I don't think I have. I think for dexterity purposes. By the way, this is a weekly episode.
We're fine.
We're alright. Um, Ant can't stop us.
It's fine.
Um-
Make him blow me again.
I think you should. I think you should go behind this wall, lay on the concrete ground-
And just look up.
And just look up at your wing.
My wing?
I think you should.
I mean-
You're not gonna-
I'm not gonna, no.
Okay. Um, the question I was going to ask, the age-old question.
If you were to get a chocolate mold of your penis-
And you eat it-
Are you gay?
Hell no. First of all, I ate my, my flesh, real penis in my dream.
Yeah, but that was a, but that was a dream. That wasn't like actually happening.
Gay because I'm eating my own chocolate dick? No.
I, I agree. I mean, I, I don't think, I think if it's chocolate and you can try it, but like, remember like Spencer's would have like gummy penises or like, you know, bachelorette parties.
I would eat those. I don't care.
They'll be like, woo, we got pasta and it's shaped like a cock.
Yeah, I would eat that. I don't care.
You don't care?
I mean, I just wouldn't, you know, I, I don't, I don't think it's gay unless I take this chocolate thing and I like, you know, make love to it all the time and I marry it and I, I'm in a relationship with it now.
Then I'd be gay.
Okay. That's not where I thought it was gonna go.
What'd you think I was gonna say?
I thought you were just gonna stop at the eating it, but then you went on with the full-on relationship.
I mean, yeah, that's what it is.
Yeah, I, I, I mean, I probably-
Gay is about love, baby.
It absolutely is. Love is gay, gay is love. We all be loving gay. How about that?
Gay is about love. It absolutely is.
Snapped right into- I got called out by a gay guy. Um, just stop there.
No, I, I, I, I don't wanna, uh, Eric Sedano, he does the, I did the Wild Wild Web Podcast, and he posted a clip of us talking on the show and he's like, um, you did the thing where it was like word association years ago and you said gay and I said me.
Ah.
And I was like, yeah, alright, you know, but, uh...
He called you out on that?
He was, it was a joke. We were like, it's like gotcha journalism.
But the internet kinda ships us as like gay icons.
Gaycons?
Gaycons.
I don't think we're gay icons. I think that we're gallys.
I'm big gally, dude.
I mean, just take the G out of it. I'm an ally all the way. Because if you just say there's the G, you're forgetting the lesbians, the B, the T, the Q, the I's, the A's.
Are lesbians not gay? They're gay.
I think they are by act gay, but they wouldn't...
By act?
Yeah, what makes you gay is going through with it.
I don't know. I was thinking by act. I was thinking of a play.
I'm like, which act? Act two lesbian is gay. Yeah, I was like, which act is this?
I, I have, I could ask, I have a lesbian friend. I can ask her, uh, if she considers...
Get that lesbian on the horn. We're gonna figure this thing out. We're gonna missbust this thing.
Um, missbust it.
Is that what I said?
Yeah. Uh, I think that like all lesbians are gay, but not all gays are lesbians, just like frogs and toads.
I'm really gonna stop you before that starts again, honestly. We do have, uh,
some sponsors for today. This one right here. How you doing?
What a lovely sound.
I'll try it.
I'm getting creamed here.
Don't say anything. Um, we have a, a new sponsor on the podcast, which is Ollie Pop. Ollie Pop is amazing, okay? This stuff, I have a, a fridge separate from my actual fridge in my apartment. It's stocked with Ollie Pop, honestly.
Rich guy.
It's stocked with Ollie Pop, I love it, um, but it is great. You know, instead of having like other sodas that are like super high in sugar and all these calories, you have these, this one in particular, 40 calories. The biggest thing about it, and this is why I'm a big fan of Ollie Pop, uh, this one has six grams of dietary fiber, okay? Need your fiber. There was like a study that came out that not a lot of people are getting their fiber intake. So, right here, ladies and gentlemen, okay, get that. Uh, but Ollie Pop, it's amazing, um, it is full of flavor and digestive health supports. It'll support you, it says it right here, uh, on the thing, supports digestive health. That fiber, it's gonna help you out. And it tastes really good. This is cream soda, nostalgic for me.
Love cream soda. Frank's got a root beer over there.
Big fan of that as well. These are two, these are probably my faves. I'll be honest, when they're like, we'll send you a pack, which ones do you want? I'm like, send my favorites here, root beer and cream. They're the best.
Didn't ask about my favorites, what?
Um, they're high fiber, less sugar than traditional soda, um, functional ingredients, real ingredients. All right, so, um, but yeah, they are great. But you can get a free can of Ollie Pop, uh, buy any two cans of Ollie Pop in store and we'll pay you back for one. Okay? Um, but you can go to drinkollipop.com/basement right now. It's also available in stores, so if you want to go to any of the aisles where they have like the drinks and whatnot, you'll see Ollie Pop there. Pull it off the shelf, okay? I'm an Ollie Pop truther. When other people were jumping ship and trying to go to other ones, no, I was here all day. Ollie Papa's the one, it's got the fiber in it, it's good for you. Um, having the fiber is good for you. Get that, get in your body.
Did someone call you the Ollie Papa?
I'm the Ollie Papa.
The Ollie Papa's here. Prince Joey, fabulous he, Ollie a Papa.
That's good.
That's really good.
That's great.
Wow, I like that a lot.
Get yourself some Ollie Pop. Go to drinkollipop.com/basement. And what else do we got here? We got Factor. Factor has meals built around your goals, whether that's weight loss, overall nutrition, protein, whatever you want, they got it for you. But they have these meals, every meal is crafted with functional ingredients, lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole foods, healthy fats, things like that. They also ban over 175 different ingredients. So there's no artificial colors or sweeteners, no high fructose corn syrup or anything like that, or no refined seed oils, things like that. So trying to keep it as fresh as possible. It's also never frozen. Over 100 rotating weekly meals, including globally inspired
flavors like Mediterranean and Asian, things like that. So yeah, it's great. Fresh meals arriving to your place. Fresh, never frozen. They have a great stuff. So go on their website right now. You can go to factormeals.com/basement50off and use the code basement50off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details. So again, go to factormeals.com/basement50off and use the code basement50off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with that new subscription. All right? Hey guys, it's me and I want to talk to you about Patreon. Woo! I'm sorry, I can't do it,
honestly. Patreon, it's me, it's Frank. I want to talk to you about Patreon. Come on over, I'm gonna put my arm around you, my proverbial, actually it's a literal arm, around the proverbial you. Sorry, I've had caffeine. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. You guys, you fucking little rascals, you got us to over 50,000 paid patrons. Oh my God, I could scream right now, but it's very hot in here and I might pass out. Thank you guys so much. That has put us on the leaderboards. I think we're like three in the world on overall Patreon. You guys are absolutely crushing us. The support is so incredibly amazing and we are seriously eternally grateful. Thank you guys so much. If you are not a patron, go over to Patreon.com, take a gander, go take a look. There's different tiers there. Find the tier-
That works for you. That first tier, you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. So if you see the clips, you're like, oh, my God, that must be from a new episode. Where can I find it? You can find it early on Patreon.com. And then that second tier, you find exclusive episodes. Oh, dirty, filthy, rotten, fucking exclusive episodes every single Friday. So there's never a week without us. You're going, you're going only a couple of days at most. Three days, four days, and then with Santa Gato Studios, a couple of days, at OPL, a couple of days. Listen, Patreon.com is where you can get more of us and more of us quicker, which some people like. Whatever. That's their prerogative. Go to Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Check it out. Thank you, guys, to getting us to over 50,000 paid patrons. Seriously, we want to continue to give you guys what you like,
which apparently is more of us. So thank you. And if you're gonna do it and you want to save yourself a couple bucks, don't use the smart app. Go and do it on a web browser, okay? That way you could save yourself some extra money because the tech overlords are gonna want to take some extra money from you if you use the app. So Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Thank you, guys, so much. And as Joey mentioned, Santagatosstudios.com is going to be our new hub for merch. Go check it out. The new soccer jerseys, football jerseys are going to be available there as well as some other stuff that's dropping. We're really excited for it. We hope you guys are too. So Santagatosstudios.com and... Sorry. There's just so much to get to. I've got work to do.
The live shows. We're back. We got some live shows lined up for you. I can't, as of recording, speak to what is still available, but if you go to thebasementyard.com, you can click around, see if we're coming to a city near you, and see if there are some shows available. There are some places where we added second shows. So go check it out. Thebasementyard.com, Patreon.com/thebasementyard, Santagato Studios. Do your homework. Type away. Back to it.
Yeah, buddy. Let me ask you a question about cooking. We were talking about it before.
Because you were making these push to you in Tindal?
Yeah, we're making a best of the night.
Uh.
By the way, I, yet again, this happens to me every single time, this is a different topic, by the way. Every single time that I go to Europe and I come back home, I'm like, I hate the fact that I can't speak another language. It drives me insane.
I mean, you could, you can use like, apps to.
I've done that.
Kind of learn some stuff.
It's just like, fall off, and I don't.
It's a lot to keep up with.
It does help for sure, but like, and I, I know like, a decent amount of Spanish. So I'm like, I just want to, like, a part of me is like, maybe I'll just like, hire a tutor. And like, once a week, talk for like, an hour.
I think that like, it can only benefit you, one, because you travel, two, like, learning a different language, it, it, it kind of boosts your brain activity and keeps you fresh and stuff like that. It could be pretty cool, like.
Would.
You, you, I mean.
Oh my god, if I was fluent before you, that would be insane.
I, I mean, I don't think there's a reality where I'm fluent in anything. I'm barely speaking English properly.
Me too.
At this point. Um, I could see, if I were you, though, I would do Spanish and Italian, because those seem like more.
Too.
They're very closely related.
Sure, I mean, well, the reason I even brought this up, because while I was in Portugal, my driver, for one of the days, we like, hired a driver to take us to wineries, responsible.
Good job.
Also hills.
Um. He didn't really speak a lot of English, which everyone there spoke a lot, like a.
Fala portuguese.
Yeah, which is what I, isn't that, does it mean I don't speak Portuguese?
That means, speak Portuguese.
Oh, oh, naufalo.
Naufalo.
Naufalo portuguese.
Yeah, that means I don't speak, but, he, uh, he was trying, but it was tough, and he was like, speaking Portuguese, and I was just like, fuck. Because usually, like, if someone's doing that, and they're speaking Spanish, I can understand them, for the most part. But I was like, damn dude, like, I got nothing here.
Do, do you ever feel like a filthy American?
Frank.
All the time?
All of the time. I'm embarrassed to talk out loud.
I just want you to know, this is a byproduct of the, the World Cup being here. The rest of the world is seeing that, yes, our country's insane, but the people are mostly good and kind. Dude, I have been crying so hard at these videos. Did you see the one, the, the, the guy from Belgium crying, or Germany? I don't remember.
Confuse them.
Well, no, no, I'm not confusing the places, I'm, I'm, I don't remember if the individual was from Germany or Belgium, but.
The flags look similar.
I, please don't, please, I'm not, if anyone get, I don't want to offend anyone over there.
Oh, I'd like to offend Belgium. First of all, fuck Belgium. We play them.
I know we do.
So now I'm over it. And they beat, they knocked us!
Yeah, the last time that we got knocked. I believe it was with Tim Howard. I saw the picture, like, the graphic the other day. I think it was 2000 and...
Well, that was not the last World Cup.
No, because they didn't make the last World Cup. It was the one before that, which was...
I was there. I was at Rockies when that happened. And there was a, there was a...
This is gonna be good. This is gonna be really good.
The last time we played Belgium.
I think I remember what, the story you're gonna tell.
There was a, uh, little person.
Yep.
Dressed as Uncle Sam.
Uh-huh.
Standing on the bar, uh, pouring shots into my mouth. Uh, and, uh, that was one thing that happened a lot. And then the other thing was, there was a girl there, and she said, "If the U, if the US wins, I'll show everyone in here my tits."
Titties, yeah.
And, uh, we lost. Uh, she did it anyway.
That's what I was gonna say.
She let it rip anyway, which I think that the bar appreciated because it was like, it was a somber moment.
Let the record show, I hated that bar Rockies, so I was not there.
Hmm.
Um, but...
It was a great vibe for the US game.
But like, what has been happening is like, for those that don't live in America, let me explain something to you. We are insane, but we are mostly good people, but a lot of us are also really stupid. And people confuse this stupidity with being bad. It, I guess at certain points, you can blame stupidity for being bad. But you're seeing these people at the World Cup, traveling here in North America, and it's like, they're just, they're having good times. Because like, for the most part, people are nice. But there's also a lot of stupid people.
Well, we just got bad PR.
We do. I mean...
Not bad PR.
I, I, I mean, but the PR has also been put in the position because of some of the stupid people. And I'm not saying all people that vote a certain way are stupid. I just think that they refuse to acknowledge that maybe they're wrong.
I'm disconnected from the point.
The point?
Um, I, I see what you're saying. I'm saying like, cause I've seen people saying that too. Where they're like, you know, I think that I had expectations of what the US was gonna be like. And it's like completely, everyone's super nice. It's awesome and blah, blah, blah. People say that about like New Yorkers too, where they're like, you think that they're so mean and, and this and that. But everyone's been pretty accommodating and whatnot. So.
Yeah. I, I think the point that I was trying to make is that like, yes, as a country, we are sometimes often what the caricatures depict us as. Giant hamburgers, a trash can of nachos. You know, beer that is measured by feet.
You know, not by, you know, uh, uh, volume or.
A 10 foot beer.
Yeah. Let me get a nine foot beer case. But like,
we are also, when you get to see some of the people, pretty nice.
You know, but the point that I was trying to make originally is I think that you could and probably should just, just pick up a language. I know, I, I, I don't wanna make, I don't wanna spend your time for you. Cause I know you're very busy and you work a lot, but like in your spare time, if you could just scroll and try to learn something.
I do, I do.
Or do you like, so what is the three languages that you'd wanna learn? Like legit?
Three is outrageous. I wanna learn, I just wanna be like, I wanna learn, uh, Spanish.
Like I, cause that's the one that I have
experience with. So I'm like, I wanna just get better at that to the point where I can be very conversational.
So when you, when you yell at Hispanic people in New York, you know what you're yelling at them?
Well,
when I yell at Spanish people in New York. No, more than anything, I feel like with the way I look, if, if you go into a place, and this actually happened at the, uh, where I got the bratwurst, but the food was taking forever. And some of the workers there were, were Spanish dudes and, uh, Daniela was there, Marco's wife.
And she's Colombian.
And I was like, yo, you should start. And she's like, yeah. Cause she, uh, she's like as soon, she went over, she's like, I'm gonna ask him where the food's at. And then she came back. I'm like, did you speak to him in Spanish? She's like, yeah.
Well, yeah, because like.
Cause then, then we got it immediately.
If the whitey comes up to the Hispanic workers in the kitchen and they're like,
Excuse me, hola, donde esta mi comida? Like, they're just gonna be like, bro, fuck this person.
But if you go up and you're like in, you're in the club, then they'll just be like, alright, you know? Because there's a shared experience.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's why, when she walked over and talked to me, I was like, you speak Spanish? She was like, yeah.
Well, duh.
And then he came right back with the food. I was like, if I walked over and said that in English, there's no way.
I, I, I try to, uh,
like, it depends. I, I don't get that opportunity a lot, but actually Miles called me out for it the other day. Where like,
you're gonna kill me for this.
Oh my god, is this Karen Frank?
No, it's not Karen Frank, it's the opposite, it's New York Frank. Uh, where, we went to the Yankee game and it was like a Hispanic dude that, like, at the, the gate of the parking lot. And I pulled up and he's like, you gotta pass? I was like, yeah, no problem, big dog. And Miles was like, who is that?
Big dog? No problem, big dog.
Miles was like, wha, wha, wha, why did you do that? I was like, you don't get it, it's a New York thing, dude. You're from Jersey, you don't get it. So it's like, he's like, you gotta pass?
Big dog.
No problem, big dog.
Big dog is great.
And then him and Becca were making fun of me and they were just like, uh-oh, here's New York Frank.
But like, it is, like, if you, if you're
If you're from the place and you can be in the, in the club, be in the club. You might get treated like, a little bit better, because they'll just be like, oh, here's another guy with Jersey plates coming. But it's like, no, I'm from, we're, we're one in the same.
Dude, you know what I did, twice? In a row? I, I don't know why I did this, honestly. I think that is, whatever, we're not moving, but, we went and looked at an apartment, recently?
And, just because we were like, ah, like, for fun, whatever. And we, we went and saw this place and I called the guy when I was outside and he picked up and he said, hello? And I said, how's it up?
Like that? And he said, and I was like, oh, we're, yeah, we're outside, right?
Then we're waiting outside, then he opens the door. I did it again.
How's that?
I don't remember. There was like two different versions of it, but it was basically that. I was trying to combine like three different greetings at the same time.
I did that the other day and I accidentally, I was gonna say, um, like, oh, what do you do? You know, like I was meeting people through like the work opportunity thing. And like, he was like, oh, what do you do? You know, like for work here, like what's your role and how's it going? So I asked, how do you do?
Well, that works.
I know. And I stopped and the guy was just like, uh, I'm good.
How do you do is hilarious because it's like, yo, this is mad British.
Yo, mad British. And like, it's people that knew, like know us.
So like, they don't expect to hear, how do you do?
How do you do?
You know, at that point I had to fully like buy into.
You gotta wear a top hat.
All right. I think you should learn Spanish.
Um.
You're going further, which it doesn't need to.
If you're with Spanish, you kinda could pull off Italian and like.
Probably.
Adjacent Portuguese.
Dude, I'll tell you this, that language doesn't feel very similar to Spanish at all.
At least to me. Which like I, I have a basic understanding of Spanish. So like, there are certain words that I guess look similar, but there's a lot that's different.
Yeah. I wonder, who are the Portuguese like conquered by? Cause that's, that's, you can trace the lineage of like, the language that way. Like, because like the Spanish in South America, they were like conquered by Spain. You know?
So like, what is Portugal?
Who, are you asking me who was Portugal conquered by?
I do not know.
That you'd be able to figure. I imagine it was like the Italians or the Spanish and it just kind of moved into its own dialect.
I do know a little bit of Italian and sometimes that messes up the Spanish. Cause like they are similar.
So like sometimes the words feel. The same, but.
Yeah, they're the, from what I remember, learning Spanish there, some of the words are like the exact same words, just pronounced differently.
You know what I gotta start doing? Just like watching shit in Spanish and like listening to Spanish? Like you gotta just like immerse yourself.
You can't. You, you won't be able to. What do you?
No, I'm not gonna understand.
What are you gonna watch? A telenovela?
No, but, yeah. Not that. Um, but like, I think that would just help to be hearing it all the time.
I don't know. Isn't that what people do?
I.
Isn't that how babies learn? They're just around it.
They are. That is weird, isn't it? Some babies could just be around Spanish speaking.
Bro, you know what I was thinking about walking around Portugal? I'm like, that dog knows Portuguese.
Yeah, the dog, the, the animals, it screws me up too, cause I'm like, it's not a, it's a, it's the same dog that we have over here, but it just hears Portuguese.
Yeah, like it, but it knows a language. You know what I mean?
It's kinda weird.
It fucks me up. Do you see cool dogs over there?
Didn't see a lot of dogs, to be honest.
No. Birds.
Birds, brother.
Hella birds.
They're flying around and singing and shit.
One night went to, uh, cause it was, um,
it was like a festival over there that weekend, but I went to dinner and we were sitting at this table that was kinda like half outside, half inside type of thing. And there was a river right behind us. And there's, uh, just like an area with a lot of people, kinda like hang out, just like shops and shit, like near the water.
And in the middle of the dinner, all these fucking drones showed up. And it was like a drone show.
Oh, where they're like.
They started spitting out purple smoke. And I was like, what the fuck?
That's kinda cool.
Bro, I was scared.
Drones are scary.
Cause they're too lined up. Like they're lined up perfectly. And I'm like, a gun on this is, we're all dead. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I mean, I, I, you're, you are at that point, you're at the mercy of those drones and.
And like, they're so small. And they're just like all, they're just, it's very uniform, like they all move together. And I'm like, I don't like that.
Like it feels like too.
Yeah, I like.
Like the government's here.
Like Stepford Wives, remember that, that, that movie?
Where like they're all like, it's like, what is going on here?
Yeah, I just was like, oh God, these drones are fucking like, you know?
Yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't like that. I've seen like people do like, they do like drone shows at like Disney and stuff now. Where it'll be like, oh, look, there's, you know, Moana in the sky. And it's like, it's cool. It's cool, but like, well, they can just sync up the drones and I'm sure write a code. So this one goes there, this one goes there, this one goes there.
I know.
It's freaky.
But then it's like, yo, I don't know, like this is like, if they had a lot more of those, what would we do?
I mean, they have a lot.
They do.
They have a lot.
I mean, I'm sure, I mean, do use them in a, in a warlike fashion.
In war fashion.
Yeah. So, but I'm just like, I, it kind of freaked me out. Like I'm sitting there and I'm like, I'm just.
Yeah, I'm not.
I'm just at the mercy of the drone.
You absolutely are. And at least you know that. Where do you, where do you even hide? I just, I guess.
From a drone?
Just behind a locked door.
In the forest, you know, they can't go through those trees.
I would just walk around with nets.
That's a great idea.
Or like that gun that shoots a net.
Oh, like the big one that, and like it shoots out like that?
Is that real?
I can't imagine it. If, if you're like a dumb ass deer or something, it's real.
You know what I don't believe in? That if I'm being chased by a cowboy.
They might get.
He can lasso me? Get the fuck out of here.
Yo, if anything.
There's no way.
You're probably easier to lasso than a fucking bull or any other animal because you're running, you're a fucking pencil. You're running like this. And they just get it around you and then pull it. I would like.
I just can't believe, I don't, I don't believe in that.
I, I'm, I'm kind of on board with you, but the minute I take a second to think about it. I would be lassoed very quickly.
But do you think that? I can't juke a lasso?
Like if we were in like a bull
Well, here's the thing, you're not jukeing a lasso is you would have to juke the horse that the lassoer is on. Which you ain't doing that, brother.
I could juke a horse.
You could juke a horse.
I think, I mean, they're definitely.
Joey, you're not fucking the Danian Tomlinson. You're not jukeing a horse.
Is it hard to juke a horse? I'm not trying to pull a you here, but like, how hard is it to juke a horse?
I mean, I imagine because like, have you ever seen?
They're not like going side to side.
But have you ever seen horses when they like kick up their back legs? They can kind of like whip them around a little bit? Like their ass?
Yeah, but they don't run like that.
Brother, I think you, I don't think you're jukeing a horse. And I think if there's a cowboy on it with a long ass rope, they'll, they'll for sure lasso you.
I'd be, I honestly would be like astounded if I'm being chased by a guy on a fucking horse. And he was able to put this lasso around me and then hop off the horse and hogtie me? What the fuck?
Here's the thing, I am both on your side and off of your side. I am, I believe that like, I'm not getting fucking lassoed, but also, like I said, you're, you're a five foot 10 individual running like, you're running straight up. If anything, they just gotta make a rope wider than your shoulders.
I guess it is about the big circle.
It's about the circle and it like falls like
But, but here's the thing.
Down on you and then they whip it.
I know, but they have to get that timing right because with a bull, all you gotta do is get it around its head and it stays there.
But that's, I imagine harder to do than a human because a bull is running like this and here's the head. You're running like this, brother. So they just need to get it down like that.
I know, but once it starts going down, yeah, I don't know.
Well, do we know any fucking cowboys?
I don't know any cowboys.
Or cow persons? I don't, I want to make sure I'm being incredibly inclusive there.
They could be whatever they want to be. I really want to step in one of those traps where it's like rope on the ground and you step on it and it just fucking zup.
I do have a question. Yeah, yeah. I want to, I want to be trapped. I love booby traps.
Dude.
Like I'm, I'm like, I'm not gonna lie. I'm obsessed. When I was younger, I was obsessed with two things, booby traps and lava.
If you got me around a volcano, I was picking it up and playing with it in my hand.
Yeah, bad idea. Um, I am...
I wanna be trapped. Trap doors?
I wanna be trapped in some capacity.
In a cage.
And but like, just for the sake of me, just call it a booby trap.
Like, don't call it like, oh, this is an old timey, like, prison trap. I don't know. But like...
Give me a booby.
Call it the booby.
If I'm walking through the forest and something catches my leg and hangs me upside down, uh... Scared, but... Love it.
I love when they...
Love the creativity.
When they like walk over a pile of leaves and it's just a giant net that closes in and brings them up.
I would pay money to go on that.
I kinda would to. We should... We should come up with a business idea for like an amusement park or a section of an amusement park. Where you're just getting trapped in things. Like, kinda like Legends of the Hidden Temple, but of its traps.
Oh, I'm not, no.
It's called traps. Yeah, I don't know that you can enjoy anything without trying to turn it into a business.
Listen, man.
Every time you have something that you like, you're like, let's just make money off.
Capitalism! Am I not...
So, you're right about the Americans, capitalism.
Yeah, I mean, capitalism is a disease.
I, I have been forced-fed the thinking that I have to turn anything and every hobby I have into a money-making opportunity.
Even getting trapped.
Trap doors.
You're gonna tell me if there was an experience where they're like, yo, sixty bucks, you walk through a twenty-minute, like, walk-through? Like, kinda like Halloween Horror Nights or something like that, those like scary mazes?
But you'll get fucking trapped.
But you'll get trapped.
But then it's over, the first trap's got you, boom.
No, no, no! You get trapped for like ten seconds, you're like, whoa! And then you go on to the next trap.
Come on!
Hey. I don't, uh, now I don't hate it.
It'd be a trap door into a slide.
They'll bring you to the next room.
Ooh, would you go on one of those, those water rides where you're kind of like in the thing and they shut it and it's like the, the floor falls out and you slide out?
One million percent I would do that.
That looks so sick.
We, at Splush Splash, we went on like that really, really tall one.
That shit is cra-.
Ooh, I have not been on that.
Were you not with?
They had a smaller one that I did.
Oh, you were afraid?
But the one that's 150 feet in the air, I'm like, good.
Yeah, it's scary.
Oh, I loved it.
I could only do something like that if I like, if there was no line. So I didn't have to think about it and I could just go up and just go.
Oh, but like if you're standing in line waiting?
If I'm standing in line waiting and then you're going up slowly and like, yeah, we're getting higher, we're getting higher, like, I'm freak.
What doesn't help those rides is the buzzer to like, you can send the next person just sounds like, "Eh!" You know what I mean?
Like they didn't make it?
Yeah, like make it like, "Woo-hoo, next up!" Or something more inviting than, "Eh!"
You know what I'm saying?
A "Woo-hoo, next up."
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Um, I actually saw something that you kind of, you brought up something that made me think of it before, but last week in our county, one of the towns was doing a fair, like a fair, like, you know, rides and shit like that.
Have you ever like done one of those like games where like you have to throw the ring on a bottle or like pop balloons with a dart?
Yeah, of course.
Bro, when's the last time you did that?
When's the last time you went to a fair?
Like 10 years ago.
Really? Okay.
No, I stopped by, I want to get deep fried Oreos.
Hell yeah. This, bro, I face fucked a funnel cake.
Fuck yeah.
Dude, and got oysters, which was a crazy thing to get at a fair.
Mixed? You went to a fair and got oysters?
I went to a fair, I got a hot dog, Mr. Softy and oysters and I ate them in that order.
Hey, what's going on with your body? How are you even alive today? Does your stomach not look at you and go, what are you doing?
Here's the thing, my stomach can't hurt if it always hurts. It's at a baseline of hurting.
That's called torture.
I damn right it is, baby.
You're, you, Mr. Softy, a hot dog and oysters.
So we went a couple of days, which honestly,
I, one day I had two hot dogs, six oysters, a shrimp cocktail, nachos, empanadas, Mr. Softy and a funnel cake.
Whoa. That is so fire.
But like, it doesn't count if you're at a fair, because you're walking the whole time.
That's an interesting theory that I think is not true.
I, yeah, but like, it's like, when you're on vacation, calories don't count on vacation.
If you're at a fair, same exact thing.
You know what I'm saying? The point, the point that I'm trying to make is, they had those like carnival games, you know, like the boardwalk games, whatever they are, like
Spray the water, pop the balloon, yada, yada, yada. Bro, you don't win anything anymore. They have signs on it that says, "This is a store", and you pay for whatever prize you want, and then you can just play the game.
Isn't that insane?
The goddamn libs have ruined boardwalk!
No, that's crazy. Dude, I, I like-
What's the point of playing?
Just to, just to get the thing. You don't even need to play, you can just say, "I want that."
I don't mean to be, this is the most boomer thing that I've probably said in a very long time.
Nobody correct me. But, isn't that like, bad?
I think-
For like, a child?
I mean, I think-
That you could just get it, just get it.
I-
Get the biggest thing!
I think it is. And like, yes, I-
Just buy it!
I agree, like, I was fighting my nature, because there's a part of me that's just like, "All right, I'm sure this has something to do with gambling, and like, that's not good for kids at that age to experience."
What's gambling?
If you're paying to play a game that you might lose, like, to get a stuffed fucking dog or something.
No, that's not gambling, you're competing.
I, I think that the justification is that they are probably saying that it's something with gambling. Like, same thing happened with like-
Oh, now we don't love gambling? This country?
I, I mean, apparently not.
New Jersey!
Apparently not. But-
I saw it had a sign on it that said, "This is a store." And each of the things that had like a price. So like if you want that stuffed animal, it's a $20 instead of $10. You pay $20 to play, you play the game and you get the stuffed animal.
That's outrageous.
I kind of agree!
Are we being boomers if we're just like, you kind of need some competition back into it?
Of course! That's the whole point!
I was, I could not believe it. I felt like, "Oh, maybe I'm just old and washed up."
I feel like, like it's fun to be competitive. And to like, earn it.
I, I agree.
Like you're raising, like that's like a, um, you know, people complain about like rich kids or like silver spoon type of thing. It's like, how is that different than that? When it's just like, "Well, we could just buy the thing and this doesn't matter."
Where it's like, "You don't have to earn it, we'll just buy it." It's like, what's the fun in that?
Completely agree. I, I could not believe it because it made it cooler. Like, no one's gonna care about this fucking like...
Was that, was it, um, so if you won though, you didn't get it for free?
That is weird. I can see the, the middle ground of being like, they're not like advertising it and they're being like, "You know, if the kid wants it, he can buy the thing." You know, cause like kids like cry and you're like, "Oh, I'll get you the fucking..."
I could see it being cool for like certain games. Like, we had the girls play a game where it's like you have to pick up rubber duckies or something. And like, you win something based off of getting three special rubber duckies. I understand that at that age. But like, if I'm a 15-year-old kid...
I don't want to buy a stuffed animal?
That kind of sucks, right?
What the fuck am I gonna do with a stuffed animal anyway?
Is this not becoming like, I'm not one of those people that's just like, "Now everyone get your participation trophy." But this is an example of like, you're vilifying competition.
I don't think that's cool. A little competition, you know, it could get intense.
I'm wondering how you feel about the participation trophy thing.
Me?
Um, I think that...
I think you can honor someone, like you can reward someone for seeing something through and doing something. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, especially when we're talking like little league sports and stuff like that. But you also then within that need to establish a hierarchy of like what the competitive aspect is getting you. So like if everyone gets the exact same trophy, even the winners of the league or something like that, I don't know if I agree with that.
But like, if it's just like, hey, little Joey, congratulations, you did it, you saw it through, you played in all the games, I'm proud of you. Here's a trophy to show that you completed a task. I think that's fine.
I think it's fine as long as it's not you won.
Well, that's why I think it should be like the winners of the league get the big fucking trophies.
Like if you
Yeah, like get something, I guess.
Yes, like you need to reward the
I guess that is a participation trophy. I think I think we're saying the same thing. Like I don't, well, I don't know if we're saying the same thing. I don't think that, I guess this is because how I grew up. I don't think there's anything wrong with like someone winning and someone losing. I also don't think there's anything wrong with like second place and third place. Like that being rewarded similar to the Olympics. Like people will win bronze medals and they're fucking super excited for that.
I agree, I fully agree.
And depending on how many teams are in the league, but like that's still like a good thing.
I think it's okay because if we're talking kids, like if we're talking for like little league sports, I think it's okay for them to commit to something and to be rewarded for that commitment. I.e. participation trophy, which has become like a hot topic fucking word to say nowadays.
Well, I think in the way that maybe it gets conflated with everyone gets the same thing.
But that's where I disagree.
Yeah, me too.
And that's where I think that like there should be a reward for
Winning.
Doing better than somebody else.
Well, I guess also the question that I have now is like
Let's say first place gets a trophy, which when we were growing up, I think that was it. First place would get the trophies and that was all I think.
I think so. I vaguely remember sometimes where they would give out like, remember those little like, in plastic cases, like they looked like little medals on a ribbon?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They'd give them out if you were like good at English.
You know, like, great job in language arts class. Here's a little fucking medal.
Um, but like, the kids who, like, what is, why do they need
something physical to be like, you know, like, cause if we're in agreement that like, if we're all playing in a baseball league and we're all eight years old,
You know, or 10, whatever. Uh, and the people who win get the trophy because they won.
They beat everybody. They should get that. Why would everyone else need one? Like, what is the, what is the, the positive that we're getting from doing that?
I think it's the idea of you're rewarding, like, you're, you're kind of encouraging the participation and like for kids to step out and do something like that. So like,
But isn't there, isn't if they got through it already? Like, they've already gotten through.
Yeah, but you're, it's kids. Like, you can't just be like, a pat on the back is the same as a trophy. Like, that's, that's kind of just the world that we live in. It's, it's, it's a, it's a physical good that is going to like, make them feel better about doing it. I don't, I really don't disagree with that. I think that the reason that this idea of participation trophy has become such a hot topic conversation in the world of sports, specifically like Little League, is because people believe they're conflating it with like,
if, if everyone does it, they're all on the same like, equal playing ground, which is not the case. And I don't think I've ever seen that as the case. And if it has happened, again, I don't agree with it. But I think it's okay to like, have a physical thing to just be like, good for you, you did this.
Yeah, yeah, you know?
I was hyped with the t-shirts. First of all, a jersey. Loved that.
Dude, if I, I mean.
I was good with the jersey.
That's why I'm pumped about those jerseys because it's just like, this is ours.
You know, there was a, yeah, these jerseys.
I, I, I, you like that?
I feel like back in the day, I mean, I think I did, like when you're really young playing sports, at least in my experience, and I consider myself a pretty competitive person, I don't think I really cared about winning as much as I cared about like just hanging out.
Oh, I cared about winning.
But like, super young?
Not super young. Super young, honestly, I don't even remember caring about doing it. I just remember doing it.
That's what I'm saying. Like, I liked being on a team because it was like, I get to see my friends and we're like, playing.
So like, that's kind of what I cared about. So like, I don't, I didn't.
I don't think the, the intense competition came about until we were like, 12.
Like, before that, it was just like, oh, sports.
Then I cared, yeah, I ca- I mean, maybe a little younger than that, honestly, that I did care about winning. Um.
But also, I mean, I was also the type of kid like, I don't want this fucking second place shit.
I, I mean, I don't remember caring that much, but like, once we became like, like I said, we would play with like football and we had our own jerseys and stuff like that.
Yeah, but you're cool.
That's what I care.
No one's giving out participation to a 15-year-old, right?
I don't know. Maybe, maybe that's.
That's outrageous to me.
I mean, I, I really don't know. But you know what pissed me off though? When they'd be like, oh, your team? You're the Yankees this year. And we're like, cool, we're the Yankees. And they give us our shirt and it just says Elm Jack. And on the bot- the back, it just says Rocco's Pizzeria.
And it's just a blue jersey?
Yeah, and it's just, not even a jersey, it's just a shirt.
It's a navy shirt.
And like, listen, god damn it, give me one with the.
We'll get the hat though, right?
You could, you could get a hat, but sometimes they were just like standard blue hats. Or like.
I sponsor a team at I C O P S at San Diego Studios.
I know, that's the thing.
I didn't know that my nephew was playing again this year because my sister was like, maybe we'll play in a different league. So he's not on the San Diego Studios team.
Really? Oh shit.
So he's going up against Uncle Joey?
Yeah, he's on a different team now, so.
By us, I've seen that like, they have more like swag for the kids. You know, like they'll have like the team, actual like team shirt, and then on their back, it'll say their name and their number.
Oh, wow.
Which was so fucking cool when we were kids. We didn't have that. Like I said, it was like, whoever sponsored it, it would say, Santagato Studios, or Rocco's Pizzeria, or Astor Pharmacy.
Also, I don't think you were allowed to pick a number.
Yeah, it was just like-
They printed like 1 to 10 and you got one of them?
They basically, they were just like, we have a, we have a medium, kids medium, and it's number 4. You're number 4 now.
Right, yeah, exactly. What size are you? And it was just here. Don't even know what number you are.
Yeah, bring the shirt back, and if you don't, just wear a blue shirt.
I remember one year, I had gotten for Christmas, my mom got me, um, a personalized White Sox jersey of all teams.
For why?
I liked Joe Creedy.
You liked Joe Creedy?
Dude, he was sick. It was when they won. They had a sick team.
It's so funny.
It was like Joe Creedy, and I liked them, and those, the all-black with the, you know, the socks on it.
It's such a sick jersey, and she got me one, and then like, a year and a half later, my, my fall ball league was, um, I think they called it Snowflake, was, we were the White Sox. So like, I was showing up to my Little League White Sox game, wearing a custom White Sox jersey that said Alvarez 80 on the back.
You're playing fucking second base with number 80?
Yeah, I mean, I was not playing second base. I was not that good. I was a catcher or an outfielder, which means-
Oh yeah, you did play catcher.
I played catcher, and then I played it until I stopped playing in like, high school.
I was jealous, dude. I wanted to play catcher.
Dude, catcher was so sick, and I actually got good at it, and then I, I haven't played.
I just thought it was cool to like, be wearing like, armor.
Dude, it was cool. I felt special, because there'd be like, 2 outs, I'd get walked to first base, and then I'd steal second, and they'd be like, "There's 2 outs, I'm the catcher, they need to pull me off the field, so I can get my gear on," and then I'd fucking waddle out there and shit like that.
Or you'd be, someone'd be in the on-deck circle, and you'd be, what's that called, by the way? When you're not in the on-deck circle, but you're-
In the hole.
In the hole. Um, but you're in the hole, so you're still wearing the knee guards, and you're kinda like-
You're just like practicing with it, and they're like, "All right, you're up," and it's like, "I gotta take the knee guards off now."
Yeah, that shit was cool, dude.
I do, yeah, I thought it was cool. We had, growing up, our, uh, our baseball league, did you play SWP?
Uh, as a little, little kid, and then, uh, and from like- Older years, it was Elm Jack.
So the umpire at the league that I played in, he was allergic to grass. Who? This dude Frank.
Oh, I remember Frank. He had the eczema.
I remember Frank Frank.
No, he pulled his mask off.
Like he'd be like, "Bro, that was, that was outside." And he'd be like, and he pulls mask off and his eyes.
Yeah, dude.
Were so red, like someone put lemons in them.
He was in rough shape.
And it was hard to argue with a guy who's clearly going through it.
Dude, there were at Elm Jack, I remember Frank, that's so funny that you brought that up. There was two umpires at Elm Jack that I remember. One was named Gene. He was like an old white dude and like.
Gene's a great name to yell at someone. "Come on, Gene!"
Dude, a really good yellable name.
And then there was like, a like 16 or 17 year old kid named Kenny.
And I would catch and he would, he would call, you know, he was the ump.
And I would fucking let this guy have it. I'd be like, "Kenny, you're an idiot. You're so stupid."
"Come on, Gene!"
"You gotta put it together, Gene!"
No, no, no. Dude, did I ever tell you I umped one game?
At Elm Jack?
At Elm Jack. I umped one game in the like, I think it was, uh, bantam.
Did you hate it?
Did, I never told you this story?
I umped one game and I got like $20.
Because hell yeah. And it was like the nine and 10 year old kids. So I believe that was like the, what we called bantam. And the rule was like, you call, call the game how it is, but if someone throws four straight balls, like the count is three, you know, and they throw a fourth ball, you expand the strike zone and they have to throw two more, just to like, make it a little more competitive, you know?
That's a lot of balls.
I know. And one of our friend's younger brother, I could say it, I don't give a fuck, Coco was on the team.
And I, I called him out on a strike, like I, he got rung up and I was having the time of my life.
You know, like, oh, man, I was having so much fun. And he turned around and he was like, suck my fucking balls, fuck you. Yeah, dude. And like, by the way, this is a med's brother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, a med's brother, Coco. And he's like, bro, Frankie, fuck you. It's a nine year old.
Fuck you, suck my nuts. So I'm like, yo, dude, you gotta chill. And he's, he going off.
Tell me.
Suck my balls, fuck you, you dick liquor. You know, like, he's going off on me. So I'm like, oh, I gotta, I gotta throw this kid out of the game.
You did.
So I threw him out of the game.
Yeah, you're out.
And then, like, remember, it was the field that was all the way on the other side.
So me walking back to, like, after the game, to, like, tell the fucking people that work there, like, this kid got sus- he's gonna get, he got thrown out of the game because of this, and he, you have to suspend him one game. And a med's mom is following me, like, please don't tell them he's so sorry. And Coco's on the other side, suck my nuts, fuck you.
Because that's how serious we took it, is like, yo, that shit was legit.
So like, I, I got his mom being like, I'm so sorry, you, your family, like, please don't. And I'm like, walking, and then I got a nine year old telling me to suck their nuts on the left.
That's hilarious.
I'm like 14 or 15 years old. I'm not much older.
Yeah, so hearing suck my nuts at that age is, is, it's like war.
Yeah, it was, it was crazy, but I, I, I, that was such a good time. I want to play baseball with our friends soon.
That's really funny. I want to play baseball with our friends soon.
Dude, you don't want to just play baseball?
Dude, yeah, I want to just want to play catch.
Dude, I played catch in my backyard a couple of weeks ago with my brother, and it was so fucking fun.
Catch is great.
It was so fun, because like, it's just catch, dude.
I love, I love the smell of a mitt.
It's coming in.
I'll find myself randomly walking through the house, taking grounders. Like, I'll like, come into the kitchen and I'll just be like.
Get your hand on top.
What are you doing?
She's like, "What are you doing?" And I'm just like, "I'm popping up."
Yeah. No, it's amazing. Um, well, listen,
Holy fuck, it's hot.
It's a billion degrees in here and we are going to pass out and have a heat stroke. Uh, but, thank you guys so much for sticking around for this episode. And, appreciate all the blowing.
And, where can they find you?
And Frisco.
Uh, don't fucking actually give him. He decided that he wanted, oh, he, by the way, he's not here because Joey fired him.
I didn't fire him.
Yet.
Um, but this...
This actually feels really good. I heard this makes you hotter though, because you're burning energy doing this. And then when you stop, your heart's like, going up.
How much energy could I possibly be burning doing this?
I don't know. But, thank you guys so much. You can find us at, uh, The Frank Alvarez and at Joe Santagato all over social media, at The Basement Yard all over social media. Check out Patreon, patreon.com/thebasementyard, the new merch store, santagatosstudios.com and thebasementyard.com. If we're coming to a city near you, there might be some tickets still available, or, there might be tickets available in cities that you might want to go and check out. You never know. Go check it out at thebasementyard.com. Thank you, we love you, and, uh, we're gonna go take a cold shower together.
Nope.
See you next time.
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