The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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14,532 words · 5 speakers
Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard.
Yep, it's us. We're here.
You want to show me your bug bites again?
Ooh.
What happened to you?
I got attacked by buggies.
Like, just sitting outside?
As Ruby and Maeve call them, "skibitos."
Skibitos?
Skibitos got me. Yeah, dude, they fucking... They took my shit and they pounded it out.
There's other ways to say that.
Yeah, sure.
Sure, there's other ways to say that.
Yeah, but it's alright. They're actually not itchy. They're at that point where, like, they're just kinda like annoying.
Yeah.
You know?
They're like raised. I like to smack 'em, too.
I love smacking a mosquito bite.
Do it.
I don't like... I really get to unload on myself, you know?
Spank it.
That's crazy.
If you got something stuck in your ass, how long would it take you to go to the hospital?
Hello, welcome to the show.
Yeah, thanks for stopping by.
Like, working it in.
We're talking about skibitos.
You just went full in.
What was the question?
No work.
If you got something stuck in your butt...
How long would it take you to go to the hospital?
Uh, first...
Let me just say this.
A minute and a half in. Can we say that?
Can I, uh, say that the time wouldn't... It wouldn't be a long time?
Well, I mean, it would also depend what it is, right?
No. If I had any... Frank, if I had anything, a foreign object stuck in my rectum, colon, whatever we're talking about...
A grain of rice.
Okay, and I know about it. Cause I wouldn't know that there's rice in my ass.
You know, I'm sure there's, there's people that do ass rice play.
Are you sure?
I know.
I would say that I would probably spend more time thinking about how I'm going to discreetly get to the hospital and like no one finding out about this. Cause I'm certainly not telling anyone that I know that I have something lodged in me.
I mean, I imagine that if you're putting something in your ass, someone knows that you're into it. So like, there might be one person you might be able to like confidently.
That's not true.
I, I imagine.
Maybe if I was like really into it and I was like, I don't want to tell anyone. They're gonna think I'm weird.
Who would be? If you had to tell anyone, who would it be?
Who would I tell that I have something in my ass?
Nicole?
Oh, I was gonna say your mom. Yeah, alright.
My mom? Literally down there with like Bill Nye.
Really? Well, Bill Nye might be able to help you out.
Yeah, actually Bill Nye would be higher than I would think, I think.
Bill Nye?
Just cause he would probably have some sort of information. I don't know, but my mom would be dead last.
If you're calling anyone, it's, it's Dr. Mike.
I'm not, I'm not calling Dr. Mike.
How many times you think Dr. Mike has gotten that call? Hey doc, listen, hope all's well, everything cool. How's life? Cool, sweet. Um, what do I do here? I have a yo-yo in my butt.
Listen, I know what you're, a yo-yo. I know that you're supposed to do this thing with small talk before you like ask for something.
You're not doing it.
If something is lodged in my ass, I'm skipping that altogether. We're going right to the questions here.
You're going a hundred percent balls to the wall, something in my ass, fire, sound the alarms.
I'm not even saying hello. They're gonna say hello and I'm gonna say, we have a problem.
Really?
Yeah. And I'm like, there's, I have this thing and it's in my butt and I don't know what to do. What, do I go to the hospital? What should I do? Should I not stand up too quickly? Cause I'd be worried about like shifting my shit around.
I imagine like depending on what it is, so like if we're thinking about things that you're more likely to put in your butt, they're going to be round. You know, not as intense edges. Uh, you know, so like, could it really do a ton of damage in there? Now, if you were putting in like a shuriken, you got a problem.
Is that like the ninja star?
Uh, yeah, I'm not gonna do that. But like, even if something like a marble, right? Not like huge, but what if you put a marble in there? And then you realized, where'd that go?
What if, what if they put a marble in and then you smack both sides of your cheek, like your ass cheeks and it shoots out?
What do you mean what? You mean the doctor? I'm gonna get to the hospital.
What if you get there and they're just like, "There's a secret to this. You gotta..." It's like, "You gotta bongo smack both your ass cheeks and things will just fly out." You can turn yourself into a fucking weapon, dude.
Hard to aim.
Bro, with practice, just like anything else.
Come on, dude.
You put in your 10,000 hours and you master it.
Guinness, there is a Guinness World Record that has not yet been broken, and it's that one right there.
And that one will remain unbroken.
The most accurate shot of a marble out of an ass.
It sounds like you'd go pretty quick. I would go so quickly, it's insane.
Yeah, I'd be petrified.
I'd be so scared. Like, even if it was something like a marble. It'd be bigger. Certainly if it was like a tack. If it was like something sharp.
Ooh!
I would literally just be, I'd be, I'd stop, and then I'd call, and I'd just lay.
Would you like, stay still?
Mad still. If it was sharp. If it was a marble, I would probably like, get up and let it swish around. It'd be bigger than a marble.
You wouldn't like, try to take like, uh, like a laxative of some sort?
Oh, no. I mean, I...
I imagine that helps, no?
I'm sure it would, like, but I don't have that kinda time.
People get stuck in their butt, dude. We've done enough, like, episodes of this show, and gone over enough stories of people like, sitting on like, remember there was this one guy in some country that like, sat, and like shoved like, an active bomb in his asshole or something like that?
Excuse the shit out of me?
You don't remember that? We talked about this years ago.
They put a whole bomb? Like a grenade?
Not a grenade. A grenade's not a bomb, brother. It was like, the head of a bomb.
Okay. Well, that's insane.
It was like, an old one that they found, like a WWII relic that was...
A stick of dynamite?
Not a stick of dynamite, a bomb.
Bomb is like, a big umbrella term. Everything's a bomb.
No, bombs are things that are like, within like, a metal or plastic casing, and that go boom.
Grenade.
But those, that's more about the shrapnel than the explosion.
Huh?
I think that like a grenade is different. I guess a grenade is a handheld bomb.
I think I would stay on the toilet for hours. Like I'd come into work before going to the hospital.
With something stuck in your ass?
Yeah, I'm, I'm waiting. I'm not going to the hospital.
Would you, would you share with us? Like yo, I accidentally?
I, I would respectfully not want to know. I'd want to know.
I'll tell, I would tell you.
If you say, yo, if, yo, if I came up to me like, yo, I have a Hulk Hogan action figure stuck in my ass right now?
Why do you go Hulk Hogan action figure?
I don't know what the hell he's doing over there. Why are you asking me? He's the one that's stuck in his ass.
That's a great point.
And then you'd be like, what do I do? And I'd be like, we gotta get you to a hospital, dude.
What, yeah, I, I feel like telling you would get me to the hospital faster than I would want to be.
I, I would get you to the hospital and I would be dead serious the entire time, but my fingers would be exhausted from telling everyone I know through text.
Oh.
Oh, thank God!
Oh my God! Oh shit! Oh my God! My fingers, you tell me something's stuck in your ass, my fingers would be exhausted.
Yeah, no, that's not what I'm saying.
You're gonna tell me though, if you had something stuck in your butt, you wouldn't try to like scoop it out yourself?
Frank, of course. I'm clawing at this thing like a honey badger.
This thing-
I'm assuming that that doesn't work. Like I can't get it out. But I'd have my whole hand in my ass before.
I mean, I, I imagine there are ways you could probably get stuff out yourself.
I would be doing-
Oh, this sounds awful.
I would be doing breathing exercises and being like, how do I loosen up my life and like do yoga for my butt?
I would like run into the end of a table with like my stomach.
Yo, you're insane.
I would just, I-
You're thinking of this in like a very acne type of way.
Yeah, I am. Like drop an anvil on my stomach and it shoots out my butt or whatever.
Yeah, like I'm gonna run into a table, dude. I'm, I'm trying to do breathing exercises. I, I- Legitimately, I might do like a downward dog, like-
Like a downward dog and then just like, huh!
Or just like, what's the diff- what's the opposite of a downward dog?
Doesn't downward dog kind of push it more in?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
An upward, an upward cat.
Yeah, an upward cat.
You do jumping jacks.
Oh, um, that might hurt me though.
You do long jump.
My answer, by the way, like if I was fiddling around and I was having a, you know, I was doing whatever and all of a sudden it was kinda like the thing ate it. I'd be like, yo. And then I, and then I.
The thing ate it.
Yeah, yeah.
His ass is the thing.
You got it. And it's just like, it just went. I'd be like, what the fuck? And I tried to get it. And if I couldn't get it and I legitimately couldn't even like touch it. I would be in so much panic mode and I'd be. Listen, I try to stay away from AI, but I swear to God, it'd be taking out entire, the, the Amazon would be gone by the time. And I would be looking up like, how do I get this out? I'd be so panicked. I'd be so scared.
AI would be like, well, just so you know, you're not crazy. You're not crazy for shoving things in your ass and I fully support it. Hey, that Roku remote, it belongs up there. Good for you. First things first.
I, I bet that happens a lot. Remotes are, is probably a big one.
Oh, oh, remotes is definitely, I mean, can you?
Like an Apple TV remote?
Can you Google? No, but that's too thin. They're doing a Roku remote, a hundred percent, because that's a little more bulbous. Can you look up the most commonly extracted items from an asshole?
What do you, what, what do you think?
Bye bye monetization. You ask the question, we're going. You're asking the asshole question, I'm swimming in the fucking Amazon river.
I think that people probably, uh, fruit.
Cucumbers?
I could, I could see that. I could see that.
I could see that.
Cucumbers? I could see that. Strike my ass.
Pickles. Kinda cucumber adjacent, I guess.
Sure.
Pickles are fruit.
Doesn't have any bearing on the conversation. Um, yeah, no, it, it would be very quick for me.
I, yeah, I mean, I.
What about you? Because I feel like you'd be very like, uh.
I mean.
I mean, we'd all be very embarrassed, but I feel like you'd be like, yo, I don't.
Dude, embarrassed, brother. I, I might just sit there and wither away and, and die before I tell.
You just live with it?
Just live with it in my ass.
Like an old bullet?
Yeah. Exactly. This bullet's been in my arms since I got shot in the twenties.
I would legitimately like. No one's going to know. I will live for the rest of my life with this discomfort. Because there's no chance. Because I know that like HIPAA laws protect people. From like telling it, but like they'll be like.
But do they?
They do, they'll be like, I can't say who it was, but there was a popular YouTuber. Like, hey man, and had something shoved a giraffe.
They have a big podcast, I can't say who it is.
And they had this conversation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm, I'm petrified. I'm like legitimately like. No one's finding out. But did you Google the most commonly found items in an asshole?
Unfortunately, I did.
Is there answers?
It's just like. Sex toys, obviously. Oh, I don't know if I could say that word, but.
Sex?
I don't know, YouTube, you know how they do.
Yeah. The, the, the context of this conversation, we're beyond that.
That was, yeah, but whose fault was that really?
Sex toys make sense, because they, they make. They make them like to, to go in. So like, I imagine there's a chance where they're gonna get.
A little plug with a tail, now you're a raccoon, boom.
I mean, you got a, you got a, a cord, a ripcord if you need it though.
Oh, well, that's why, that's, yeah, the tail's kind of handy.
Flared base, remember, keep it safe. And then there's.
He knows the, the engineering terms for it.
Flared base, just be safe. Everyone, you said it like it was Nike, just do it. Flared base, keep safe.
Like, protecting people out here. Uh, then it's like glass. That was a common.
Oh my god.
Why do people do that?
The common, the obvious example that we know of that. Was the famous video from when we were young men.
Yeah, but that guy was putting a mason jar in his bung hole, that's crazy.
Oh, I can't even, I cannot even discuss it.
Candles.
Candles?
Candles is a good one.
Do you think they light them and like walk around with them like they're a?
Mm-hmm.
Wait, what, what do you, why are you walking like that? What do you mean?
Were you holding them upside down?
Yeah, what are you talking about?
If I, not I, but like if someone
put a candle in someone's ass and then just like held them and like walked around like they were like looking around.
Oh, I see. Like if they were, like if they're in a cave or something? I was thinking if you're by yourself and you put a candle in your butt.
And?
And then you walk around, I don't know.
I mean, I guess you could, but the, the flame would like burn upward and it'd get you.
It'd probably burn your butt a little bit.
I think the idea of someone putting a candle in their butt is they want the wax to drip around their ass.
This is gonna be tough.
Gone, brother, gone. Don't start this conversation unless you wanna fuckin'.
What about wax, like that type of thing? You think you'd be into that type of thing? I think I saw an old. You kinda like wax?
I streamed once and Becca like poured wax on my arm or, or my hand or something like that, but like in a sexual way, I can't, I don't think so. I don't think I've done that. I can't recall if I have.
I haven't, but.
But like the people that like pour fucking wax and they're like, oh!
Chill, brother.
Too much?
Yeah, dude, you just had a oh.
Two, two, two? Oh! You, you did it. I was intimidated by you.
I don't know if I'd, I don't know if I'd make it long enough for the wax to burn.
With a candle in your ass, dude?
Yeah. Yeah, you would. Think so?
Flared base.
Also a long candle.
Oh, yeah, like one of the like, you know, like candelabra candles, you know what I mean?
Yeah, like a witch's candle, so it's a little ribbed. Don't need a shorter candle, you know what I mean?
Enough of, I'm saying for.
I mean, you know, what, I don't know what witch's candles you're talking about.
I'm talking about the ones that like look so burnt and they're like the wax is down the side, so it's all like.
Alright. Yeah.
He's looking for a Yankee candle.
Yeah. I know.
I'm not looking for a Yankee candle.
You're going, he, yeah, he, I know exactly what candles he's putting in.
What candle are you going for?
I'm not gonna, I'm not putting any candle in my ass.
Neither am I.
You're going for the old like Jesus candles.
Which ones are those?
The ones that come in the glass?
No.
And the old like Hispanic women pray over them?
No, I'm not.
A hundred percent. I, I, I mean, first of all, you know me. If, if it means I'm a prude, nothing is going near my butt. I'm not letting anybody know. Ever.
Ever, dude. Wait, how long are you going?
I'll be on there for a while.
On there?
The toilet, I'm assuming.
But I would be afraid of passing something through my body. Like that.
But it already went up.
I mean, I would also, I guess-
I know, but like, it was like, rip something on the way out, I don't know.
A way, uh, something to be concerned about too would be like, whatever it is that would be going in there, like, could it be potentially like chemically harmful? You know what I mean?
I'm certain it is. What, what, what's good that could go in your butt?
A match, uh, well, no, no, correct. There is no, nothing good.
Outside of maybe fruit. Yeah, I don't know.
Get some vitamins?
Yeah, right through the bloodstream.
Vegetable, cucumber.
You want that vitamin C? Boom, put an orange up there.
Is there any like, numbers on like, how often people go into the ER, like, amount of butthole injuries per year?
What's the?
Not particularly.
What site is holding that information?
Listen, man. Do, I mean, I was gonna say text or call Dr. Mike, but we've been calling too many people.
Definitely not gonna ask him.
Oh, he would, he would be pumped to tell us.
Oh, he would be pumped to talk about it.
He'd be pumped. He would absolutely be like-
But he's a nice guy. He's not gonna like, you know, break the laws.
No, of course not. He wouldn't do that. He would lose his livelihood.
But he would, uh-
He could tell us that it has happened, but he can't tell us who it happened to.
I'm sure it happens with like, you know, dild, dildies.
Dildy?
Dildies.
Yeah, a couple dildy.
Yeah, they definitely, uh, you know, sometimes they get sucked up there.
Around,
around 4,000 emergency room visits, uh, per year.
That's not that many. I honestly thought that would have been more.
Really? That could, that's more than, that's like 10 a day.
Yeah, across the entire country, brother.
No, I know.
300 million people. 10 people a day? That's not a-
That's crazy, though.
That's not a lot. I was expecting it to be a lot more than that.
How many were you expecting?
I was expecting like, 50,000 a year.
Whoa.
I mean, there are weirdos and freaks, uh, not that they're weirdos.
Wow, King Shamer!
I did, I was a King Shamer.
I'm writing that down. Write it down, write it down, write it down.
That was not, that was not right of me. I apologize. I will recant it. I know how protective you guys are of that, so, I don't want to upset either of you here.
There's only one way to make up for it.
Get that candle out.
What would you do if I legitimately during an episode stood up and pulled something out of my
Like pulled your pants down?
Like stepped off camera and bent over and pulled like a fucking chain out of my ass.
Frank, first of all, that's the dumbest question you've ever asked, which is unbelievable. And two, I love the question. And three, if you did that, I wouldn't even believe it. I'd think that you were like now a magician. You're like, yo, and it's like.
The, the flags.
The flags.
That are all connected.
I'd be like, how are you doing that? But if you, if you bent over and I'm looking down the barrel of this BH?
And I can see it coming out, I would then feel like I'm not.
Well, I'm saying I would step off camera.
Right, that's what I'm saying.
And you'd watch it unfold.
Right.
And unravel.
What would your reaction be? Would you be in astonishment? Would you be like, what are you doing?
I would be like, you had that in there for all the time?
There are people that do that, dude. They'll be like.
Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid and risked 350,000 Virginians healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
Like I'm gonna go to work and I'm just gonna like sit with.
Hide a thing in my thing.
Crazy.
I mean, listen, man.
I think it's cool.
Which part?
Yeah, no, I'm not King Shaming anymore. I recanted my last.
I recant. I did it, but I'm done.
I'm no longer. I apologize. Oh, whoever's an ad, ad on this videos, they're gonna.
Yeah, we're gonna have to create some distance here.
We could make some buffer room here.
Uh, yeah, I imagine that that's, that's a frequent thing.
That's a toughie, yeah, no, I, I wouldn't really, but I swear to God, if you bent over and did that, I'd be like, this is.
I always think of the Jackass prank from the first movie where he put the little toy car up his butt.
Oh, it's so good.
Oh, right. It's so, and he goes to like the doctor and he's just like, don't tell anyone. Don't tell anyone. Just go straight to the hospital.
And the guy was just like, it's okay, whatever, why ever, whatever reason it's up there. Cause I think he had like, Ryan Dunn was just like, I fell asleep and the guy's played a prank on me and shoved a toy car up my butt. Which. That'd be a story.
That would be a story.
Not a prank that I'm willing to take part in, to be honest with you.
Yeah, I would be very, very, very, very angry. Let's make that abundantly clear.
If what?
If we like had a night where we went out drinking and I woke up the next morning and you guys were like, "Gotcha, we shoved a toy car into a condom and in your butt."
I'm letting you know right now.
I will be very mad and then however I choose to get you back, will make sure that you never fuck with me like that ever again.
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Squarespace. You could be listening to us. And how? You can use the options on YouTube or you can go to Patreon, patreon.com/thebasementyard, which is a subscription service that supports us. And we give you some more of us over there. Go check out Patreon. It's a fun, fun time. It's a party. I don't know. I don't know if anyone's shoving anything in their butt over there, but, you know, you never know what's gonna happen on Patreon. You sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes, one whole week in advance. And then that second tier, maybe those are the episodes where Joey's gonna keep shoving stuff in his butt. You never know. And you get exclusive episodes every single Friday, only available to our paid patrons with that second tier and above. So, go check it out at patreon.com/thebasementyard. You sign up. You get access to everything that has come before, so if you're brand new to the Patreon,
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Can we also-
Are you drinking a Red Bull?
It's a sugar-free Red Bull, and the can is already open.
What is that? Oh, like he didn't open it, and we didn't yell at him again, because we've yelled at him twice now.
I was gonna say thrice, but it's only been twice, as far as I remember.
Joe gave me like a tonguing for like 40 minutes over there after I cracked the can open.
You can't say tonguing, dude.
Hey, hey man, what the hell is that? You're being sued after this. For Deff and May.
Well, your fingers will be exhausted, he's been giving you a tonguing.
What is giving a tonguing?
What happens when I'm not here between you two?
What hap- wait.
We have good quality time.
Don't talk more.
Okay.
He likes it when you're shutting up.
You're done too. What's a good tonguing, or whatever you said?
Yelling at me for opening?
No one describes it in that way.
I've heard it described in that way. And honestly, he's asked to give me a couple tonggings and I've said, "No, I gotta go." I said, "No, thank you." Alright, I gotta get out of here.
So I called you and I asked you, "Hey, can I yell at you?"
No, you didn't say that. You called me and you were like, "What are you doing right now?" And I'm like, "Uh, I'm driving." And you're like, "Can I give you a tonguing?"
I asked permission to yell at you.
No, you said, "Can I give you a tonguing?"
If that's what that means, then yeah, that's happened. So he's tonguing you when I'm not here?
Usually I could just tell by the tone. It's like, "Uh-oh."
A tongue is coming?
I'm gonna get a tonguing.
You hear the tone and you're like, "Here comes Joey with his tongue."
See, I think he's getting too excited.
What's happening right now?
Yeah, that's my bad again. I'll write that down.
It's completely your bad. Completely. Cause it's not even an expression.
It is so good!
Like a stern talking to.
It is so good. You know, do you remember who used to do that? Anita.
So bad.
Anita who, Frank?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Anita break from you sucking my nut.
Oh my god!
That was such a bad attempt. I just had to slam dunk it for you. At least you played along.
Yeah, no problem.
I appreciate that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh god. It's still good. I can't, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. I'm not gonna do the official, you know, I will get you officially soon, you know?
We'll see.
I will get you officially soon.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I don't wanna make you have to play around, cause then you're gonna give me a tonguing.
Enough with this tonguing, dude.
Don't look at me, he said it.
But speaking of, did you, well, not, no, this is speaking of, it's kind of...
Well, this is a wild episode. You start with digging stuff out of your ass, your fingers are sore from going in his, then you're tonguing him when I'm not here.
But then also, first of all, crazy sentence. Did you guys see Tom Brady's new coconut water company? I think it is coconut. It's called Good Nut. What are we doing, Thomas Brady?
Tom.
Thomas.
Like, you, all you had to do was just quit five years ago, dude.
Good Nut?
He is like, done so much to fuck up his image in the last five years.
What'd he do?
Well, this sucks.
Good Nut's a crazy name.
He's trying to be like, cool, like, he did like, a, a set at the Kevin Hart roast, and it was just like, oh, just be Tom Brady, don't be that. Don't try to be cool, you're cool because you're Tom Brady.
I don't think he fucked up his image.
Oh, I think he looks like a goober now.
I don't even know what that word means.
A goober?
What's a goober?
It's hard to explain, but you know a goober when you see and hear of a goober.
Would I, if I have no idea what it is?
Good Nut.
Good Nut is crazy.
Way to go, Tom.
Is, is there a slogan that I don't want to know?
Uh.
I don't even know.
I did see there, there was a slogan, yes, and it's like, a mouthful of flavor, or something like that.
Stop.
I'm, I'm not kidding.
A mouthful of flavor? Thomas.
It might even be worse than that.
Imagine walking into a store and like, do you guys have any Good Nut? That's a wild thing.
Dude, you're Tom Brady, you could be cool, you don't need to, it's a delicious mouthful.
I got it.
It's a delicious mouthful is nuts.
What, like, uh.
Are we just immature and all we're thinking about is jazz?
No, I mean, if he didn't, he's a, like, he's.
They know what they're doing with this.
He knows what he's doing, dude.
He's like, alright.
Also, do we need another coconut water?
Do we, do we, and do we need it to be called Nuts? Like, why do you need to, why does it, why can't it just be called like, Coco Fresh?
Start your own.
Start, I, I should.
Have you ever, have you ever drank coconut water out of a coconut?
I have.
Wait, oh, Aruba?
Jamaica?
I just chopped into a coconut with a, with a little hand axe.
Oh, I have done that, I've gotten them from the store, I have, yes, I have.
Oh, really?
I've never done.
It's good, it's good.
Tastes better.
It is, it's, it's, it's tasty.
Is it cold?
No, I mean, unless you put it in the fridge.
Hmm. Is it weird that, that I used to think that breast milk was cold?
Yep. Um, I understand why you've probably had it cold, but like, it is.
Wait, aren't you supposed to have it warm?
It comes, I mean, you can freeze it and then put it in the fridge and stuff like that.
But any time you drink it, it's warm.
You could, or you could just keep it cold, I think.
Wait.
That's what we did.
Oh, I don't know. I thought it was, I thought you like had to warm it, or like room temperature, like it has to be a temperature or something for the baby.
Yo, breast milk is fucking cool, dude.
Breast milk is mad cool.
It cures like eczema.
Dude, it like is literal like liquid gold.
There was someone like, I remember-
You get to taste it a little bit?
I didn't taste any, no, I didn't taste any.
Why?
I just had no desire.
Loser.
Why? Why?
It's right there.
I was letting my children have it, the people that needed it, not me.
Hold on, daughter, let me-
I'm not saying drink the bottle.
I mean, but even the smallest drop, that was hers, not mine.
Ah, this sucks from Tom Brady. This absolutely sucks.
We're back on Tom Brady.
I, I just, I, I feel like, you don't, you don't look at this and just go like, that's something a loser would do.
No, why, I don't know why, I think it's a crazy name. I think it's a crazy name.
I'm going to start a coconut water company and, and I'm gonna make it called Good Nut. Oh, what are you drinking there? You're drinking my Good Nut? That's what he's doing, dude. You're Tom Brady. You're already cool. You're already cool.
I don't think he's trying to be cool.
I definitely think he's trying to be cool.
But what is cool? What do you mean? I think it's just a marketing thing.
Yeah, I think-
It's like everyone's gonna talk about it like we are now because it's called Good Nut.
Yeah, but people are gonna look at it and be like, Tom Brady, that's, that's something that a loser does.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna start a, a, a bra company and it's gonna be called Fat Knockers. That's dumb, brother.
What was the name for boobs on the other? Kerbangers.
Kerbangers, so good.
Kerbangers.
Where was that, that we heard that?
It was on the show.
Was it on the show?
Yeah, it was, we were doing names of something. I don't know. Oh, no, it was the toys, it was the old school toys.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm shocked that you hear this and you don't think like, that's kind of a dweeb move.
It doesn't feel like dweeby. It feels like a, like a cheap marketing thing.
Which is a dweeb move.
I guess.
That's genius to me.
I mean, it would be more dweeby if you named it like 42069. You know what I mean?
Just, just as loserish, in my opinion, because it's called Good Nut. It's a delicious mouthful.
That's wild.
Just, dude, you're Tom Brady.
It's kinda weird that the marketing team there would be like, like, don't you think, like, I get it, you get people talking about it, but like, are people gonna not drink it? Cause they're like, oh, there's an association now. You know what I mean?
I mean, honestly, if you're like a conspiracy theorist, or someone that is like, not as trustworthy of, you know, trusting of like, big brands, there'd be a part of me that'd be like, I'm gonna wait a couple of years in order to try this, to make sure it goes through like, the proper FDA channels. Cause like, what if they do a test in two years and be like, Tom Brady dragged his nuts through every single barrel of these drinks?
Frank, how could that possibly be on your mind?
I'm confused. Are you hoping he did?
You just said that there's like, an association.
Yeah, an association with the name.
Not that there's actually like...
Maybe.
What would you do?
If you found out that you had two cans of this, and you were like, you know what, I actually liked Tom Brady's Good Nut.
And then, after you're done tonguing him,
You know, and then...
I would sue.
Because that's a full crime.
But you're not worried about that?
I'm not really. Also, I'm pretty sure you can't sell beverages unless they are approved, like that.
Yeah, I mean, I, I'm sure, but like...
You'd be worried that there's actually jizz in it.
If he's a dweeb enough to call it Good Nut, I could see him be like, what if I just like, dipped my testies in it?
I don't know, man.
So you're saying it's a big FDA conspiracy to make us all taste Tom Brady's nuts?
Yeah, dude. It could be. You don't think so? What's your biggest fear? That.
What is your biggest fear?
Drinking something and being like, you don't remember years and years and years ago where like, people were posting pictures of like, they took a drink of a, you know, Arizona iced tea and then like, inside there was like a dead mouse or something like that?
Oh, I didn't even see that.
You've never seen that?
You don't remember that? You remember that, right?
McDonald's, it's like, this is actually a chicken's head.
Yeah, like something like that, like if, like, he, if he's selling something, he's like, I'm gonna get people, ah, ha, ha, good nut. There's a chance that he could be like, what if I just dragged my nuts through it?
I don't think that he's in the factory making the thing.
I guarantee he stopped there at least once. And that's all it takes.
And you think that-
One, one, one small teabag dip.
It's possible, dude. And then he's gonna pay off everyone. This is why the rich are evil, Joey. This is why you're fucking, you're part of the problem here. Cause then he'll just pay off anyone and he'll be like, you didn't see me dip my nuts in that coconut water.
So don't even fucking, don't even tell anybody.
How much is he, how much would he have to give you to not say something?
I would say something no matter what because the harm that it would do to the consumers is worth telling.
So what's the number?
Twenty million.
Yeah. Yeah, like, I don't know. Am I crazy for thinking that's a dweeb move?
No, I think it's like, I mean, I, I don't know. To me, I, again, the first thing that popped into my mind was like, some people are just gonna be like, I'm not gonna drink this. It's like a weird name. It's, the association's kinda gross.
Would you do that?
Do what?
Would you be an investor in Good Nut?
Uh, no. Because of the reason I'm saying. Like, I think that people will make an association of like, oh, it's kinda gross. It just like hurts. Like, I think out the gate, you get a lot of people talking about it, but long-term, you're kinda like... I didn't expect Tom Brady to have such a good sense of humor.
Like, like, like even be attached to it, like be a good sport about it, you know what I mean?
But that's the thing is I'm not getting good sport out of him. Like, he was one of those people that during the roasts, like, he looked upset.
Well, he also probably didn't name it. Like, he's just a face of a company that's existing.
Okay, that's almost worse. Because like you're seeing like, hey, Tom, we want you to be the face of this company. What's it called? Good Nut. Uh, hold on, the slogan, A Delicious Mouthful. That's when you, you have no association with them, you could pull back.
I mean, you could, if, if they told him, like, we're gonna give you some equity in this company, you're gonna do a commercial with them, we're gonna pay you this amount of money, and then...
But it's Tom Brady. It's not like he's hurting.
Yeah, but...
He's doing okay.
Yeah, but no one, everyone who's successful like that, like, they'll do, invest in new projects.
I don't know, I've just gotten the, the, the sense that he's just kinda turned into a bit of a dweeb.
Wow.
Over the last couple of years. Like, he was Tom Brady. He was, he is the greatest living football player to, like, alive. Right now, arguably, you know? Like, you could've just rode off into the sunset and just been Tom Brady. And now he's like, ah, I'm gonna do this Good Nut.
I don't really have a problem with people trying new stuff, but...
That's not, that's an oversimplification of what I'm saying.
Well, I'm saying, like, oh, so he has to be the football player for this?
No, no, no, no, no, no, but like, that's an example, like, when he went and did the Kevin Hart roast, it was like a little cringe-worthy.
Well, he did that because the year before...
I know, I know, I know.
But that's why he was there.
But like, it, it, like, he was trying to be, like, edgy, and it's just like, oh, dude, just, just don't...
He's not writing those jokes.
I know, but just be Tom Brady, dude.
What does that mean, though?
Just be Tom Brady.
What you're telling him to do is shut up and dribble, and that's crazy.
That's not what I'm saying!
So what are you saying, then?
I'm just saying, don't be...
What's be Tom Brady mean?
Don't be a dweeb, Good Nut, or like, trying to be like an edgy comedian now. I'm not saying he is a sh- I hate that shut up and dribble thing. Don't get me started on that. But like, don't try to be... Edgy Tom Brady. Just be fucking NFL legend.
Edge Lord.
What if Tom Brady, when he was younger, he was like, "Man, I want to be the greatest football player ever." "And I want to start this wonderful coconut water brand."
That sounds like a jizz joke.
And you're just crushing his dreams.
You know what? I can crush his dreams.
What if it was deep ingrained into his DNA that this is what he is?
If tha- if that is deep ingrained.
He's had enough success that he could be humbled somewhere else. "Hey, sorry, Tom. I will take your good nut dreams from you."
Well, that's another sentence. There's no way this episode, by the way.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We've joked about not, this one, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's gone, fully gone?
Frankie is a hater.
Sure. Okay, it's Tom Brady. He fucking crushed my dreams.
Oh, Jets fan.
He crushed my dreams for decades, dude. I can have one instance, this guy ripped so much life out of every Jets fan and every fucking AFC, and, and like, not really NFC fan, but like, how many dreams has Tom Brady crushed?
None of mine.
Someone fuck you.
Giants fan.
Fuck you all the way.
Respect.
You're, you don't get to be in on that. You're like, nobody.
Aren't you a Jets fan? No, I'm not. Oh, my God. Don't, don't, don't do that to me.
I don't know.
His one fandom is not mine.
I like the Giants.
Especially like from, like from 2007 to like 2012, I like.
When they were winning.
Yeah, exactly.
Let me guess, you like the Yankees from, uh, 95 to 2009?
2011.
That's a pretty big stretch. Um, 2001, and they lost then.
2000? It's a hell of a year, though.
Well.
Jets, all I'm saying, Jets fan, it makes sense. I didn't, I didn't put that together till just now.
I mean, if anyone, if anyone could be humbled, I can fucking humble Tom Brady here. Me, the podcaster.
Also, you brought up the, what was the Chinese toilets?
The Chinese are at it again, dude. Whoa. They, they made a toilet that comes to your bed. And like, it's like a chair.
So it was like at like a tech show. And it's like a robotic toilet.
And it pulls up on you?
And it like right, you like call it? You're like, yo!
Oh, it's like voice activated?
Larry, get in here, I gotta shit!
What would you name your toilet?
Larry.
What am I gonna name it?
Why are you, why Larry?
It was the first name that came to my head.
I'll give you, for 10 more seconds, I think of anything else.
Esmeralda.
Okay, see, I should've stuck with that.
Um, but like, I imagine you like, from an app, call it and it fucking drives up to your bed and you get in it? Do your thing? It cleans you, it cleans itself, then it goes...
Cleans me? What does that mean?
That would be, honestly, kinda cool, like one less... Like, we could start like, getting rid of bathrooms.
Frank, that sounds terrible. That means you'd be like shitting in your living room. I also don't wanna take a dump in my bedroom, what am I, what are we doing?
Why? It cleans itself.
But I'm, but I'm, the air.
It closes and then cleans itself.
But I'm, you would, you would be open to shitting in your, next to your bed?
Why do you have to go immediately to shit? How about piss?
Cause that's the worst one.
It is the worst one, it is.
So you're gonna, you're gonna shit next to your bed, next to your pillow?
I mean, I might ask to like go in the corner. Like I'm a tot- like I'm a toddler. And just be silent in the corner.
I love asking. Hey, do you mind if we, can we step out into the hallway real quick?
What would you, cause they, they had listed it, I believe, as like a preliminary price. What would you pay for something like that?
I mean, I would never buy that.
What?
Why, how am I gonna use it?
If, if there's a part of your house, like the basement that doesn't have a bathroom?
Oh, I don't know.
You're down there watching the game?
I'm just gonna walk upstairs.
Oh, and you gotta help me here. Are you buying this?
How do you, so let's say you do number two in there, where does it go? That's a great question.
I imagine it has a tank on it that is a removable disposable tank.
They have like a human litter box on it? Yeah.
Possibly, I mean.
Don't love that. I don't love it.
I mean, I think that there is a new level of convenience, especially you. You love paying for convenience.
Yeah, but my bathroom's right there. It's very convenient. It's like my bathroom's like from where I am to you.
That stinks. Filthy.
There's a door. What's the difference between that and like a bucket? Yeah.
I think there's.
A bucket on wheels.
A big difference between a bucket on wheels.
What, this one has a name?
Cleaning, well, it will clean me. I imagine there's a bidet on it. It'll clean itself. Think of it, how much time is wasted on the toilet?
A good waste. Like, it's a good waste.
That would be a good slogan.
Which one?
Turn your waste into a good waste.
And what would that mean?
I honestly, I'm not even entirely sure.
I feel like it was a good name until the slogan. A good waste. I, uh, yeah, I definitely don't need this. I don't need toilets running around my apartment malfunctioning, running out of battery, shit like that.
I mean, you plug it in.
Also, does the thing talk? I don't wanna shit in something that can talk to me.
Yeah, we've had that discussion. Absolutely.
Oh, yeah, if your.
If your toilet would talk back to you, like, no.
Please, stop. Come on. Okay, just one. Ugh, that was fucking filthy.
No, I don't like that at all.
This episode.
No. Where do you think toilets will be? I just spit everywhere. Where do you think toilets will be?
I mean, brother, we've sat on some pretty technological toilets.
Have we?
L.A.
Oh, when you walk in and then it opens its mouth.
It opens its mouth?
Yo!
And then the seats, like, I already warmed it up for you. I know you don't like that. You don't need to repeat yourself.
I don't like that, but when you walk into a room and those toilets just open up, I don't really like that. And also the light in there, it's like it's a nightclub in the bowl.
Yeah, it is a little bit of a nightclub. It does feel a little too like, you know, let me, make me, you know, like.
Like, ew.
Yeah, like.
Yeah, yeah. Like, they walk in, it's like, come on, come on, come on, come on, and it's like.
You should earn it. You should earn this.
There is like a nightlight in the thing. I don't really love that.
What about a, what about a clear toilet bowl? Would you ever do that?
Disgusting.
Franklin.
You wouldn't do it?
No, I don't wanna see that.
At my old apartment, I had a black toilet bowl.
That wasn't, that was, that was.
It's fine.
It was fine. The fact that toilet bowls are like standard white is crazy.
It is kinda nuts.
Anything that is happening in that toilet is not white.
Well, actually, that's a good thing. Cause you should be able to see if there is something going on. You know what I mean?
Are you, you're grabbing your forceps and you're going through your stuff?
No, I'd take a peek.
A peek at it? You salute it as it goes away?
No, I don't wa- I just like look and I go, okay, and I just get out of there.
Uh. What about the golden toilet? Didn't Trump have like a golden toilet? That just feels disrespectful.
To what?
Gold.
Oh, yeah.
Like, not a cheap commodity.
No, absolutely fucking stupid, I will say.
And it's gotta be heavy as fuck, too. Gold is heavy. It's dense.
Right? Am I bugging?
I actually don't think gold is that dense. You could cut through it with a butter knife, pure gold.
I know, it might be so- it might be soft, but like, it's pretty dense and heavy. Hence why it's not floating in rivers.
That's true.
But it's not, that's not pure gold. That's mixed with stuff.
With like metals?
I think pure gold is, it's heavy as fuck.
Isn't gold, gold is metal, but like.
Bro, that's why gold bars are heavy as fuck, dude. What? Gold's mad heavy.
Or is that?
You could do like a, like a sodium metal, like you can cut through like a, like with a butter knife or something.
Look up, what's, what's the, is, is gold heavier than?
It's not the densest. I know, that's a.
Or how heavy is gold? Compared to other metals?
Will that help?
The heaviest metals. There's the one, uh, fuck, I forgot the name of it, but it's tungsten. I think tungsten is the heaviest. That shit is like fucking heavy dude.
Hmm, I could be wrong.
And, uh, you, that means he is.
It is, um, exceptionally heavy and dense.
Oh, so the opposite of what you said.
It's the first description.
Hmm, I could be wrong, and just immediately explains how he is, yes, wrong.
Can you not cut with, with a, hold on. Uh, it's two times, 2.5 times denser than iron, which is actually kinda crazy. And then roughly seven times heavier than aluminum. Aluminum is very light.
Yeah, it's light. You ever see those TikToks of the guy putting metal through the, the thing? The like...
Oh, it's very hot?
No, no, no, no, it's like, um, I, I don't know how to, it's like rollers? And he puts different metals through to see how they flatten? And like, some of them crumble, but then some of them become like thin strips and shit like, like ribbons. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
I, I love, uh, machinery.
Machinery? Gears?
Bro, gears.
I love a good, like, well-oiled up gear.
Yeah, well...
I don't.
I mean, I like the, you ever see the gears that like eat everything?
Yes.
Like someone's like throwing a bike in there and...
You know what's a sick gear? You ever go to the zoo and they had the thing you could put the penny in?
Flattens it out?
And you see the gears and you're just like, hell yeah, I'm about that.
I do like that too. I just like, I love gears. But I, I love how Ant is just not answering because he's 100% wrong.
Uh, it's confusing because it says pure gold, like 24 karat, you could cut it with a knife, and it's softer than most metals. I guess there's a difference between soft and dense?
I guess we're both right.
Nope.
Wow, you're pulling a Frank on Frank? That's crazy.
Don't you dare. I'm on me. I'm the only one on me.
You can't do me on me.
No one's allowed to be doing me on me. I do me on myself all the time.
Oh. Yeah?
All the time.
Oh, crazy.
It's kinda nuts.
Uh, maybe we should get to these real quick after that, why not? Uh, we have some more sponsors for today. This one is Kachava, okay? Kachava, uh, is delicious. It's got all the nutrition your body craves in one deliciously simple shake pack to go. Alright, you get this thing, you get a scoop in there, um, but it's delicious. They have, uh, just one packet, provides complete nutrition, ready for life on the go. Protein, fiber, uh, vitamins, minerals, greens, probiotics, omegas, electrolytes, and more. Uh, and it's like a powder, you throw it in water, you shake it up. They're delicious, honestly. The chocolate is unbelievable. We have a bunch of flavors over here in the studio now, cause they send us some. Uh, but they have strawberry, they have coconut acai, they have coffee, which I've had, it's good. Um, and they have like chocolate and
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Yeah, that's it. You're welcome.
Thank you.
You're, you're welcome Frank.
Thank you so much.
What the hell is that that you have in front of you?
This?
What is that?
This is a shock potato.
I'm not doing this.
Ohhhhh.
So, you know, the game Hot Potato.
And it shocks you with the little metal thingies.
So, when it runs, when the timer runs to zero, shocks you.
Why do you have all these gadgets?
He's a good gadget guy. He's a goo goo goo goo gadget guy.
You have all these gadgets that just hurt you.
And...
Well, I don't know about hurting him.
Well, those.
A little.
Frayed bottom.
It's like a... What?
You mean flared bass?
Gotcha.
Is that, it's like a Hot Potato game?
So...
How do you play?
Uh, you hit the start button, and then, we're gonna give you a category. You have to name the things in the category.
Wait, we have to do this?
Come on! Beep-a-bee-ka-boka-sport!
I can't do it, cause there's too much, uh, around me, obviously, so, all you, all you baby.
I'm in it, I'm in it.
Why am I agreeing to this?
I love shit like this, I really do.
It's just fun, it's a fun little game. What's the issue?
Shocked! My hands are a little scared!
It's a little shock, you'll be fine, you'll feel something, outside of your own fucking balls for once.
Who's talking?
When you're tossing back and forth, you know, grab it, and you can't let go until you answer something in the category.
Oh, so it's like, are there like preset categories?
What are you doing down there?
I'm, I'm literally just sitting here.
Okay, because you, when you...
No, I took my watch off, cause I don't want the electricity to mess with the inner workings, gears.
Alright.
You never know.
Cause whenever your hands are down here, you're fucking around, doing weird stuff.
What am I doing now?
Making a weird face, I got... You don't wanna know. Something that...
Alright, toss it, let me do it.
He gets, he gets super paranoid when shock comes out.
I don't like this.
He never, oh, you're turning to me first?
That was a good throw.
I don't like it! Wait, let me see it before we, cause I wanna make...
Why is there duct tape on it?
Alright, come on.
I would move the mics just slightly out of the way so you guys have more arm space.
Come on, we got this, we got this.
But face the mic towards you.
You can come up with a category and then I'll come up with it and we have to do two, at least.
This is gonna be fun. Yeah, you gotta do two.
First of all, I-
Two out of three.
I said that I'm never doing the shock collar again.
This is not the shock collar.
I know, this is why, there's a loophole.
Why are you never doing the shock collar again?
I don't like it on my neck.
Last time we put it on our arm?
I don't like that either.
Because it hurts.
Joey, it's like, for once, live a little.
Tom Brady can't make a coconut company without you jumping down his throat.
He's Tom Brady, he can get humbled, okay?
So I'm not Tom Brady?
You're the Tom Brady of podcasters in New York City.
Ooh. On a Tuesday. Who are recording right now, who I'm looking at.
No, I stand by, I think you're the best.
Thanks Frank.
That's fire. So technically, not a shock collar, so I'm in the parameters.
It says the patent's pant-
The patent's panting. Patent pending.
Just grab it?
How do I do it?
Just hit start.
You just click it?
We need to know the category first, Joey.
I know, this says press and hold for three seconds, what's that?
Down under those.
Come on.
I already turned it on, so you just gotta hit start, I think.
He's fucking giggly dude.
I mean, it's a giggly thing.
Alright, so I press start, how do I know that it has started?
I promise you'll know.
Is it gonna shock me immediately?
It will not shock you immediately.
Oh yeah, that's actually a good point, how do we know that it's started?
It, you'll know.
Why are you saying that?
Just tell us why.
You'll hear music.
That's the thing you say, that's the answer to the question.
Suspense, suspense! Come on, what's the category? Come up with a good one too, don't just be like, oh, letters.
Four, four letter words.
No, don't do that.
That's, I wouldn't be able to think of any, honestly.
Three letter words.
I don't know. Come on, I'm trying to think. I'm a, I'm a B. I T C. H. What was that?
Are you spelling completing the word bitch?
Um, oh.
Said it.
Um, what should we do?
Uh, do...
Like, like football teams?
Sure, we could do football teams Joey.
Yeah, we could do that, little Joe.
The Giants!
I don't, I, I'm telling you, I'm not doing multiple rounds of this.
It's just two out of three.
Just do two.
Hey, no, I have- Limits, I have, I have boundaries.
Why are your limits Joey?
Because, respect me as an individual.
I do respect you as an individual, but I hope you also see that this is kinda your job.
What are we doing? The category is...
You guys are stalling.
The category, the category is, uh...
Yeah, we are stalling, we still have to record, but I'm not doing fucking thirty minutes of this. No, yeah, no one said that. Two out of three.
Category will be... Oh, let's do NFL teams for you, little Joe.
Okay, that does sound big guy. Soccer teams.
Yeah, there, there is one, and that's it.
The US.
I'll just start naming countries.
Come on dude.
You can't throw until you say an answer.
I know, I know.
You have to grip it.
I know! And you don't need to say the city, you can just say the team name.
So just the team name, Joey.
I, I, I don't like this. Okay. Don't even look.
Hold it, say it, and then throw it. You can't do like, ugh.
You can probably move your mic over a little bit Frankie. The other way.
I'm alright, I'm right here. I'm right here, I'm right here, I'm right here. I'm good, I'm a pro dude.
What? Fuck. You're gonna hit the mic.
I'm a pro dude.
So just so we are clear. Hold, say, the team, then throw.
Yes. Okay?
I don't like it.
If this is all a ruse, and you're like, this is a bit, and you're getting me? Oscar-worthy acting on your part.
What do you mean? How could I get you?
I don't know, like, it's already like electrifying?
No, it's not.
I don't know why I can't do this, man. The anticipation is what gets me. Okay, I'm done.
Gotcha. You got it, we got it Joey, come on.
Why are you laughing? There's something you know now.
I, I, I know nothing.
Did you press start? No.
You're holding it like...
I don't wanna touch these fucking things!
Bro, just, if it's not going, you're fine. Yeah, you're fine.
Okay. I don't like this.
It, couldn't tell.
I hate you.
Oh. At least, at least he hates only you.
Okay, ready?
Uh, Giants. Jets. Chiefs. Dolphins. Bills. Rams. Oh no Cardinals! Ravens. Raiders. Iron... Oh, Colts! Fuck it, no!
We didn't even get it! We didn't even get it!
We dropped it.
We gotta do it again!
It got me. It got me back there.
Yo, I-
I'm not kidding! I'm not kidding!
You saw me handle that? Yo, I handled it like... First of all, I had nothing in my head, and I dove and I went to go pick it up. As soon as I picked it up, I went like this, because it shocked both of me. You crawled after it, like a cartoon character. I will never, I've never seen that! Bro, you on your hands and knees?
That's only for me, and God almighty, that was the funniest thing. Alright, winner stays on. Do you go? No, no, we gotta do one more. You gotta do one more. Why, why? We didn't get it. You didn't get it on camera. Winner stays on! You didn't get it on camera, Joey. Fuck that! It happened to me, it's real to me! Respectfully, you have to understand, it wasn't on camera, it didn't happen. We need another take. Part of the job. We need another take. I got a Brazilian!
He shot me with a paintball twice, because we didn't get it on camera. You throwed an egg at me! Not how you say it!
You're fine, dude, it's not on. It's not on. Yo, I fumbled this thing like this. I also said "iron".
I, yo, I couldn't think of another team. I said the Cardinals. That was crazy.
I mean, that's a good pull. I said Colts, and then you broke rocks. Yo, I'll be honest with you, I dove on the floor so hard, my knee is down. Yo, I'm not kidding. Something happened to me right there, seeing my, my person that I look up to and boss crawling like a baby after this fucking electric potato. That was bad, dude. It's gonna take a while for me to burn that image out of my head. I think I started to drool. What?
Did you?
Laughing so hard. I don't like this shit! I'll start this time. Come here.
You're brave.
So, the category... What is... Wait, why does it say "normal, lame, extreme"?
See, this is why I don't want to give him the thing.
No, you can only do "normal".
Cause "extreme", it's just like, uh, no music. "Lame" is no shock. So "normal" is just the way to do it.
I think...
What's the point of... Oh, I guess...
I mean, the music doesn't really add too much.
I actually don't really know if "extreme" is... That's what it does? I just know that "normal" is the only thing that works.
Okay, alright, alright, alright.
Don't Frankie this.
I mean... I'm gonna shove this up your ass and you're gonna sit on it and I'm gonna press "start". Alright, what could be... Let's, let's... That was a good category.
I hate this, dude.
Come on, one more.
My knee hurts so bad.
I think you gotta do something you think about more. Like, like, four-letter words, or three-letter words, or something like that.
No, that's way worse.
No, I think it's like funner when you're like throwing it...
When you have an idea of something.
Okay, fine. So, colors.
Yeah, colors.
Colors exist.
No, let's, let's, let's do superheroes. Look at how long it went. Do you think I'll be able... It's not about if you know, it's about the speed at which you can get it out.
With the pressure... I wish I had my watch hunt to know what my heart rate is right now. With the pressure, I can't think of anything.
I also wish...
We said football teams and I named four.
I like how you guys said, "Oh, something that we know a lot of."
I said three-letter words, boys.
You said four-letter words, bitch.
Yeah, but you gotta like, you gotta really think.
Alright, fine.
The pressure adds a lot.
How about...
Let's do colors.
Colors, it's fine, colors.
Don't do this thing with like, white and black.
White and black, we can consider for the game. Okay? Alright?
No!
We got this. Ready?
Red.
Orange.
Purple.
Yellow.
Green.
Blue.
Pink.
White.
Silver. Black!
He got both of you! He got both of you!
Yo, you're holding on to it like crazy!
Lobo, not a hero.
Who is that?
He's like an anti-hero. He's like a Deadpool in a way.
Lobo! Let's look at this bastard.
People say I look like him.
Yeah, you're gonna.
That does kinda look like you.
Aw, you fuck.
Jason Momoa.
I see him in the background there now.
So you're telling me that looks like a hero?
I mean, he's kinda like an anti-hero.
He's a villain. Anti-hero, you know what that means? Not hero.
No, but like an anti-hero, it's not like a full villain either. Like, they're kinda like, they are sometimes a hero, but also not.
I'm interested to see what the comments say.
I think Lobo's a fine answer, dude.
It's literally not a good answer.
Okay, either way, you held on that thing for ten seconds.
That's fair. That is...
But he cheated!
But you held on to it.
Yo, now my adrenaline's gone.
I know, dude, it's like the anticipation is crazy.
I'm not playing, I've not lost.
You want me to get it?
No, you wanna do it again?
It's for you, you gotta win.
Oh, I gotta win?
No, why? We've done it, I've won, I'm good!
He's too...
I thought it was best two out of three!
He's holding... He's too afraid to pick it up, he's like...
He's holding it the way that like SpongeBob bit the Krabby Patty that time, you remember?
Alright, two-syllable words.
No! You want me to learn fucking syntax here? Come on!
Two-syllable words?
Four-letter words, three-letter words.
Why do you have to do words, dude?
You did colors, what do you think?
What about, um... Just famous people?
Famous people?
Real people, not characters, real people.
Okay, I'm fine with that.
It's so hard.
I'm fine with that.
Just any celebrity?
It's hard, cuz their names are so big. Alright.
Alright. Tom Holland.
Joe Santagato.
I've never heard that noise, I don't know what that was!
What the fuck was that?
Oh, it's dead, thank god.
Oh!
Oh my god, are you kidding me? It couldn't die without playing?
Thank god, thank god, okay.
Oh my...
Damn, it died when he was playing. Well, and it died on Joe Santagato, which means that your fame has blown up that thing. Congratulations. Really, that intense? I feel good.
I know, you like it though.
Joey, he wrote Joe equals and.
People are gonna love that, they're gonna see that and be like, "What does that even mean?"
That seat, very warm by the way.
It's cuz it got a hot ass.
Because you shoved so much shit in it. Marbles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What's the game with the marbles?
Kerplunk?
That is.
You don't remember Kerplunk?
What's the one that like opens up and there's like a bunch of like divots and you're like kinda like?
Chinese checkers?
Is that what that is? No, not Chinese checkers. It's like, there's like a reservoir like this at the end and there's a bunch of circular and then there's like marbles. Not marbles, but like they're like flat marbles kinda. You know what I'm talking about?
Oh, um, Mankala?
Yes, is that it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how to play that, but I had a set growing up and I used to love playing with all the...
Yeah, I love, I love like, old Pokemon cards used to come with those things.
Yeah. Wait, you've never played that?
Mankala?
Mon Kala the hospital, he's sucking my nuts too much.
Oh, man.
Man?
Was that a Jamaican accent? Mon Kala the hospital, cuz he's sucking my nuts too much.
What the fuck are we doing here? What the fuck are we doing here? This is so stupid, dude.
I, and, do I? Is that worthy?
Absolutely not! Mon Kala the hospital?
I, I don't think I can.
Come on!
You'd be disgracing the game.
Really? Alright, fair.
You can, you can whisper it.
Get in that, get in that. Get in that, just off, off like just the top of my dome right there was impressive, you gotta get, admit.
Mon Kala the hospital.
Seriously though, you don't remember Kerplunk?
It was like a plastic tube and you put a bunch of like, plastic sticks in it?
Ah.
And you put the marbles on top and you had to remove them and then whoever got them all to like fall down, they lost.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That shit was fun, man, I used to play with Miles a lot.
Kerplunk.
I think we played where, every marble that falls, you have to take a shot for it.
Yeah, of course you did, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a hundred percent, I saw that coming.
They have giant Kerplunk, that's really cool.
Whoa, I didn't know they had a giant Kerplunk! I'd play giant kiplunk. Do you remember fucking people like, oh, who wants to play pick up sticks?
What's that?
It was like, they were sticks, plastic sticks, and they were all different colors, and you like throw them on the table and you have to like pick up one that is like touching another one or something like that? Without moving the other one. You guys don't remember that shit?
This actually looks like a really funny, physical video we could do. It's like mad funny.
You know what's a good game? The fucking elephants. The elephant, but you gotta-
With the butterflies?
Fuck, what was that called? No, no, I'm dead serious. I don't remember. It was called like Ele-
I don't believe you guys.
Butterfly elephant?
You've never heard of that?
I had it.
Yeah, it's right there.
Oh, sorry.
Ele- elephant game?
Ele- Elefun.
Yeah, that's a good one. I liked it. It was cute.
I liked it too.
The best, the best was Don't Wake Daddy. You remember that shit?
I don't know how to play though.
It was like you had to like-
I know the guy had like pajamas on.
It was like roll and it was like you got two or, and like you had to do two and it was like, don't wake daddy and daddy would pop up and he'd be like-
Like, oh fuck, I'm awake.
There's a lot. Have you ever seen those Tik- it's like a couple on TikTok. They do like, they just get board games and review board games?
There's a lot that are fun. Don't Break the Ice. Remember that one?
Yes, I sucked.
Wasn't that good at that?
I can see you being good at that now.
Is it the polar bear?
It's where you put like a penguin on it and you have to like hammer out the ice things.
I feel like I'm not that good, but that would be a cool video trying out those games?
Yeah, we could do that. We could set that up. When my brother was younger, he would make me set it up and then as soon as we started, he would just punch the middle.
Yeah, I mean, obviously, that's an obvious one to do.
Pissing me off, don't they?
Damn, old school like fucking kids board games are fun as fuck, dude.
So we'll have an old school-
We'll have an old school board game day. You know, for a video.
Old school board game day.
Did you ever play Don't Wake Daddy?
Every night.
I hate him.
Really? You hate him that much?
Who?
Him.
Oh, no, I was doing something else.
There's also one I played recently, it's like, uh, it has like kinetic sand, so you put like kinetic sand on the top of this thing and then there's a bunch of sticks and you have to pull a stick and like the kinetic sand, there's like people on it, they like fall through.
Oh, so similar.
Kinda, but it's with kinetic sand, so it's fun to play.
I love kinetic sand.
Dude, what is it?
What the fart is it?
I don't know what the fart it is, to be honest. What's going on?
You see that stuff where you're hold, you hold it, you put it in water and you bring it back out and it's still dry?
It's hydrophobic sand.
The fuck, how do you do that?
That, there's like animals like that.
You ever have cinnamon toast crunch?
Nope. They suck up the milk.
Bro, there's some times I'm having cinnamon toast crunch and like someone on the side of the bowl or like they, I can't get it wet.
You ever seen those TikToks where like the guys will have like hydrophobic shirts? They like spray them, they like throw mud at them and it like stains the shirt and then they have another guy that they like spray with the hydrophobic thing and it-
Why aren't all clothes like that?
Probably expensive. Probably. I would, expense. I would imagine, right?
It's too expensive to make my clothes not stain?
I imagine. Cause a lot of these clothes that you're getting, they wanna produce them in mass quantities as cheap as possible, so if they're adding in a chemical that it's probably gonna be expensive at the quality at which, you know, the amount at which they need to spray it. It'd be expensive.
That was a spiel.
I mean, is that not wrong?
I don't know. I don't know how much it costs. I don't know, uh, maybe it's not good to walk around with all that.
Oh, that's not good. I used to have that for my hats, that spray.
Oh, so you wouldn't mess up your hats?
Yeah, so like they become hydrophobic.
It's good for your shoes.
Yeah, yeah, they have shoe spray for that too. Hundred percent.
If you, if you sprayed yourself and jumped in water.
What goes on, yeah?
You getting wet?
Well, I think that that's different because our skin is mostly, like it's por, more porous maybe? I don't know, that's actually a really good question.
Am I wet?
Now?
No. Like if I sprayed my arm and then put my arm in water, it's like-
I don't know, cause you have a little thin layer on it.
I don't like thinking about things.
I'm with you, brother. I hate thinking about things.
So whack thinking.
You know what I wanna do? I wanna dunk my hand in wax. You know, like those people that do like wax hand molds?
Oh, or like the bottles of whiskey?
And yes, but also like they'll put their hand in a thing of ice water and then right into wax. And they'll just keep doing it until they can break their hand out.
Or you see those ones, the people that do like the wax pouring molds? And it's like a big like, it's like a jug and it's just covered in wax and they break it open like off with a knife?
Sorry?
You get horny for that, dude.
Who ain't? Back to horny. We started with him being horny for stuffing his ass and now we're back here in horny.
Yeah, this has been a full circle for me. It's been a great episode.
It was more a medical question.
Really don't like that potato, honestly. Really fuck that.
Oh, are you sure it's dead? Are you sure? Turn it on.
It's dead.
Man.
Thank God. Well, oh.
Turn it on.
Ready? Alright, you guys.
I'm not playing.
You're playing.
Nope. No, we can't force him to play. He already played.
I mean, I can't throw over the camera because God forbid something happens to it.
Oh, no, you're not throwing it to me. If I threw it to you, you'd have to throw it to him. Then he'd be forced to play.
I'd be ducking out of the way. We'd be forced to play.
Listen, he said he'd do anything for you guys and now he won't even get a little baby shock. I did this. I got twice shocked. You haven't even been.
I'll never forget the image of you crawling like a baby. I'll never, that is completely like. I was trying to play the game well. I was diving, I was, you know, sacrificing the body.
And you know what?
My knee is paying for it.
Is it hurt?
Absolutely bounced off this floor.
Sorry.
It's okay. I'll survive. Anyway, folks, that is our episode for today. Thank you so much for sticking around for the entire thing. Also, our tickets are out right now. So go to thebasementyard.com and get yourself some tickets. If there's tickets left at any of these shows, you can pop up. Uh, we added some shows too. A second show in Minneapolis, Chicago, and.
Buffalo.
And Buffalo. So if you're from those cities, you check the second, uh, the second shows there and check them out. Basementyard.com. Frank, where can they find you?
I was singing the Buffalo Rome song and you wouldn't let me like have my moment?
Cause I was talking first. Could have been why.
The Frank Gowers all over Patreon.com/thebasementyard and the basementyard on all socials.
Aunt, Aunt Prisco on Instagram.
I love how he still gets it out like he's still surprised.
Yeah, he's like, "Aunt."
You never know. Uh, you guys can follow me at Joe Sanagawa. Go follow the show at the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
Page updated October 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated