The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank's wearing the merch, look at that. Show it off.
Oh, I got a little dandry.
It's not for sale, but...
It's not. It was.
It was.
It was, but it's not. So, eat your heart out, bitches.
And Frank is actually drinking...
That's to the generals.
But I am one of the bitches, if you're saying bitches.
No, because it's our shirt.
Oh, so you're saying just the...
You have one of these shirts. What are you doing?
I don't.
Why? Can I... I never asked. Can I ask?
Sure.
Why?
What's the question?
Like, we went on tour.
Yep.
And we had, in our second tour, we had a lot of city-specific merch.
Yeah.
You famously took none of them. I...
You took all of them.
Famously took every single thing.
I took like 2, and then I realized I'm gonna have a stack of these shirts as a memory. But I don't really have space for it. I don't have a lot of storage in my apartment.
You're gonna get to, like, when you purchase your first, like, "I'm going to live in this home", you're gonna get there and have nothing.
Uh, I'll be fine.
I mean, like, I know you'll be okay, because...
No, I have, I have things.
Oh, but like, you have things, like, I remember one of the most jarring parts about going from an apartment to a house was like, you get into the house and you're just like, "Oh, I have nothing." Like, you basically furnished 2 rooms.
Your living room, your bedroom.
Well, even that, my living room now is much smaller than I planned on like a house living room to be.
Damn, that's crazy. This kid's gonna fucking... Y'all, please, like, whenever you go look for houses, send me the listings so I can see too. That'd be so sick, dude.
It's not gonna be for a while.
I think, I think it's probably a lot closer than you realize.
Probably like 3 years.
Um...
Someone, someone here is in trouble.
What'd you do?
Well, how do you know it's me? What if it's you?
It's certainly not me.
It's not him. I would've yelled at him already.
It's never really him, is it?
So, so we did the pastry on episode on patreon.com/thebasementyard where we tried pastries from...
That I brought.
That you brought. Thank you so much. But, Ant forgot to get rid of the milk and left it out.
Oh my god, ew!
So, I-
I can see it curdled from here.
Oh my god, that's disgusting.
It's like a lava lamp of shit.
So, I told Ant, he needs to open it and just take a sniff.
Why do I have to do that?
Are you gonna sniff it?
Alright, if you sniff it first, I'll sniff it.
No, you sniff it first, and then I'll sniff it second, and then you have to sniff it third. Come on, solidarity, we're boys.
Yeah, but you're a big prank boy. You gotta sniff it first-
I am, that's why I'm pranking you.
You do it, and let me see your reaction.
Yeah, yeah, and then we'll do it. For sure.
No, you, you're the one that's in trouble!
I am promising to do it.
Well, then you have to do it first, because you got in trouble, because you were a bad boy.
No, if he brings it over there, I know he's gonna gag, and it's gonna, it's gonna-
I know, that's the best part of it.
We'll go in order, it's perfect. You, then you, then me.
Oh yeah, that's right, that's a good idea.
Yeah, yeah.
How did I get roped into this? You got roped in! Look, look, look, look, look!
I used to, I used to, uh, that's a lasso.
Which is rope. Which made of rope?
I, this is like my nightmare. When I was younger, I had this thing with milk, where I had to smell every, I mean, still to this day, if I were to drink milk. You know the reason why that's full? Is because I opened it on the episode, and I smelled it, and I didn't really enjoy the smell, so I was like, "I'm not drinking it."
And that's when it was good. That's when it was like, fresh.
Yeah, so now I'm like-
So now, we're in a bit of truby.
I just think that, as Ant was the one that left it out, you're the one that's in trouble, so you should be the one to crack it, sniff it.
Yeah, but you brought it over there.
That's true, I did.
It'll go Frankie, then Joe, and then I'll do it.
But what, what guarantees that you're gonna do it? Something tells me you're gonna be a little sneaky, little, I'm not gonna say it, because somehow you got roped into me owing you money if I say the word. How do I know you're not gonna back down and not actually obliged and take a whiff?
Well, if he smells it, I'll probably get beat up if I don't smell it.
I mean, so then if he doesn't, you're not gonna?
No, I didn't say that either.
I think that we should.
I feel like I can see in your face that you're kind of gagging already. A little. It's in my, it's in my tummy.
Yo.
It's in my tummy a little.
I mean, I'm not gonna talk about it.
Tummy? Dude, you're 30. Stomach?
No, no, no. Tummy it up, baby. He goes to Disney enough, he could still use tummy.
That's fair.
I, I won't, like, I won't specify what it was, but we filmed something the other day and I legitimately gagged.
During someone explaining something.
Right.
And like, I was surprised, because norma- I have a pretty good stomach. I don't, I don't throw up, ever. Uh, I, I'm like, I could see things that are kinda gross, or like, smell things that are kinda gross, and I'm just like, "That's gross." In that moment, it legitimately made me gag, and I was like... That was crazy.
There's your line.
That's my line, I guess.
Let's see if this does the trick. Yeah, yeah. You got it.
Oh, it's, it's tight.
Oh my god, it's so gross.
It's tight, brother.
Honestly, watching you do this is like, kind of worse for me. It's not gonna blow up, right?
People get a, could you imagine it exploded in my face?
I'm not kidding, I'd fucking leave. I'm not, I wouldn't record. It'd be a short episode.
I, uh, it would be a short episode.
Give it a stink. Give it a stink. Stink it.
I don't think that's the word.
Give it a stink.
Should I smell the cap, or the whole, should I go nose?
The milk. Definitely the milk.
Smell the cap. Okay, here I go.
Looks like water.
You ready? How am I doing this first when you're the one that?
You love it. You're relishing it, Frank. Give it a stink.
Now I'm literally not doing it.
Oh no, we're all, we're all upset now.
Now you're upset. Now the, look what you took from them. From the people.
You're edging. They'll get over it.
I'm not edging. Stop that.
You are edging. You're edging.
Stop that, I don't like it.
This has already gone on long enough.
It's that bad, huh?
It's so bad I didn't gag. I'll do it again.
I think you like it.
Well, maybe.
I definitely don't, I promise you that.
Third time's a charm, I think.
That's bad.
Third time's a charm?
Alright, I'll third time it up.
Frank, you like it.
Okay, I mean, I definitely don't, but that's the cut.
Don't, don't.
That's, uh...
Oh my god, touching this is so disgusting.
Yo, what would you do if I had put a firecracker in there and it exploded?
Hey, man, that'd be the last time you're on this.
You two giggles.
Why me?
Yeah, you're giggly.
That's true.
Giggly puff over there.
That's great, I'm gonna use that.
Oh my fucking god.
Dude, I did two, you did two.
No, not how it works.
He did two.
Can I say something? This is so sharp. It like...
It is, it's like a sh-
Cut through my fucking nasal cavity.
What do you think would work better, smelling salts or that to wake you up?
Smelling salts.
Okay, alright.
But also I would prefer that, cuz this one's gonna make me like projectile vomit out of my sleep.
They're designed to... Oh, it's actually coming. It'd be funnier if I didn't do it now, right?
It would, but if you don't do it, you're in bigger trouble.
Wow, it looks way more like cheese than I thought.
Just think of it as like it's burrata in there. How much for you to take a sip? Joey said he'll pay you.
No, I can't, I can't do that.
No, I will, I will literally pay you to not take a sip.
Okay.
No, I won't.
Come on, just give it a whiff.
Give it a big one. Don't spill it.
I'm not gonna spill it.
Whoa!
Dude. Run it back.
Dude, it smelled way more like ass than cheese.
Yeah, yeah, it ta- it's-
I mean-
It smells like a raw foot.
It smells like if someone dragged their foot through human shit.
Well, that was really surprising.
One more.
I can't.
Hit it back, hit it back, hit it back, hit it back.
No, no, no, no, no.
Run it back.
No, no, no, don't.
This kid's... Look at him, he's gonna explode.
Thank you.
Oh god, hold on.
God, that's crazy.
Wow, that was... See, I feel like your descriptions weren't as-
No, to me, it was so sharp, like it hit me like a whoa.
It was sharp, it was so gross that I felt like I couldn't gag. Is that weird?
Yes.
I think that it's nasty dude.
Like now that I'm thinking about it, my stomach hurts.
That was one of my fears when I was younger, like, oh, you know what just happened to me recently? Oh. We were on a shoot recently and I had, I had milk and there was ice in it.
Ah.
You know when like, uh, like milk gets really cold and there's like sh- little shards of ice, but like, the first time that I-
Like you put it down your throat? Drink it?
Yeah. Uh.
The first time that I ever had milk that had like a ice chunk in it, I thought it was chunky.
Oof, that's bad.
It just like came out of me. I didn't throw up, but like milk was coming out of my mouth.
I am more afraid of raw chicken than I am raw milk. Like, I mean, raw milk, first of all, not getting into that. Uh, like spoiled milk. Spoiled milk, I feel like it's so easy to look at or be around spoiled milk and just go, oh, that's spoiled. I'm not gonna drink this. But like, you can see like a piece of seared chicken and then bite into it and then it's just raw worm in there.
That is, like, I saw once, it was a picture that kept, was like, it's years old at this point from like E-bombs world. But it was like, someone took a bite of like, a chicken sandwich and it was just, in the middle, just a basically cockadoodle doo chicken. Like, that shit gets me to the point where like, and then I took a food safety class when I worked for Target. And it just terrified me more.
Yeah dude.
Like, that shit is fucking crazy.
I love that like every ten years, you get a picture of like, someone goes to McDonald's and instead of getting a burger, there's just like a chicken's head. And you're like, how did this happen?
I remember that from like funnyjunk.com.
Like those.
You're dropping crazy things. E-bombs and funny junk.
It's just for us, it's just for the boys.
That's so funny.
Just for the boys. Dating yourself a bit, for sure. Yeah. I mean, listen, we are-
Did you guys have funny junk? No shot?
No shot, they had funny junk.
Probably, probably.
I mean, but he was like, when we were looking at it, he was like five years old, so.
Like funny junk, the last time I went to that website, see if it's still a website.
Don't look that up. There's definitely offensive stuff on there.
I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't- I'll do it on my phone. Show it on the screen, yeah, do it on your phone. I'll do it on my phone. But like, it was like, the E-bombs world before E-bombs world. There was all those websites and they had like offensive things on them.
I feel like you, you could have been like a...
A curator?
No, like, um, what's the word?
Editor?
Like a, like a, like a QAnon troll kinda. Like, you know, like, if, if you had like a different, like, set of friends, like, I feel like you could've, cause you were really into E-bombs world.
I'm really trying to wait until you finish before I get angry about this.
But like-
Because this feels like a backhanded compliment.
No, no, no.
Like, you would be perfect as like a 4chan-
Moderator.
Fuck you. That sucks as a thing to say to me.
But like, I think like, you know, you're like, you like E-bombs world.
I liked E-bombs-
And you love Spencer's, like, you know what I mean?
Yeah, Joey, when I was seventeen years old-
I know, that's what I'm saying.
And even younger than that.
I know. That's what I'm saying, like, it, it could have led to that path.
But I'm glad it didn't.
Yeah, that's all I'm saying. I'm saying there was a, there was a, there was a path.
Is there money in that stuff?
Being a, being a-
Being like a moderator on like a big Reddit thread, or a 4chan thread, or something like that?
I-
8chan, what, I don't even know which ones there are.
There's a bunch of chans.
The only one I remember is because of the, the documentary they made about QAnon.
And it was like, a person from like Thailand, or something like that.
Yeah. I mean, I have no idea whether they make money or not, I'm just terrified.
I feel like if, ah, if we didn't go down this route-
Uh-huh.
If you're saying that I would be like a, like a moderator, or something like that, which, I'm not-
More of like, I, what I mean is like a troll, in a way of like, you would, almost like a hacker in a way? Like, you'd be like a troller.
The only people that I like, there's like only one, there was, I mean, I love pranks, I do, I love them so much. I feel like I would have gone the route of like Jamie Kennedy, like, having a prank show.
Okay, what I'm picturing is, you know that like meme of the face that's like, like the sideways face?
And it just like pops up randomly, like, I feel like, you could've went down that road.
Again, this feels like it's an insult.
No, no, no. I'm saying like you like pranks.
I do like pranks.
You liked like E-bomb's World, you frequented chatrooms. Let's not forget that you almost.
As a thirteen year old looking for companionship, Joey.
Bad place to look, buddy.
That's fair, that's true. Don't sit here and point it at me like you didn't do the exact same thing.
Whoa, probably not as much as you. I did do it a couple of times.
I mean, I, I, who, who, how are we to measure the, you know, time spent in a chatroom? I mean, it's just, we both did it.
You know, I remember I used to like, cause you remember on AIM when you'd go to a chatroom, like you'd make one for you and your boys?
And it'd be like, chatroom one eight six oh four three four nine, blah, blah, blah. I would just take all that away and I'd just put one and I'd go in there. It was bad.
And you're like, yeah, this is the first chatroom?
Well, like, it was like a specific one. And then you'd go in there and it was just not healthy. Like, it was like, it was a Petri dish of predators.
Bro, it's so weird with the internet, like, oh, God.
Yeah, not good. I feel like if I-
Why did we do that when we were younger?
If I, cause we were dumb. And the internet was new. And no one was policing it as they are now.
What's the, what's the reason why when these things pop up, people are like, I'm gonna put my penis on it? You know, like, it's like, you get Chatroulette and it's like, well, of cour- like, you know, it's, it's made, I'm gonna put my penis on it though. Like, why is that going through people's minds?
Because they're sick freaks?
It's insane, dude.
They are sick freaks.
Did you, when Chatroulette first dropped, did you like, really get after it on there?
No, I went on it a couple of times, but like, I was not showing my penis on there. Let's make that abundantly clear.
I would hope not.
I was going on, like, at the time, we were like, maybe what, like eighteen or nineteen? When it came out?
Yeah, maybe a little younger, maybe?
Look up when Chatroulette came out. But like, we'd go on there and be like, you hope to see like a group of girls and then like-
Yeah, that ain't happening.
It didn't. It didn't. That was, that, that was quickly ruined by the creeps and pervs on the internet.
It was released November two thousand nine, but I don't know if it turned into what it was in a couple of years, you know what I mean?
I mean, it was definitely two thousand ten, two thousand eleven, so.
So, yeah, around that time.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's a tough year.
You ever see the clip of someone like, it's like Kermit the Frog? And it's Kermit the Frog and it's not really Kermit the Frog, but it's someone pretending to be Kermit the Frog with like a doll. And he's like, "Hey, um, how you doing?" And they're just like, "Oh my god, Kermit, hey, how are you?" And he's like, "Yeah." Fuck, think about this. And he holds up like a green cucumber.
It looks like his dick.
They're like, "Kermit!" And he's like, "Yep, no, what do you think?"
Here's my character.
Yeah, no, uh, just ruining our childhood, one, one thing at a time.
We were probably victims of predators at some point.
For sure.
I know I was.
I mean, I know I was too.
I definitely know.
I tell the infamous story about Tiffany Diamond.
And mine was, "Hey, it's me, 12303."
Yeah, that one was, see, that one was a little different. You know, there was a woman with large breasts, sending probably fourteen, thirteen-year-old me messages on MySpace, and I'm like, "She loves me."
Yeah, I mean, Tiffany Diamond, you should have, that immediately should have rang a bell.
Twelve though, twelve though.
Yeah, but like, you, you're not a completed idiot at twelve.
I saw giant boobs, and I was like, "I think that she thinks I'm hot." I was twelve.
She asked for ASL and you, and what did you say?
I don't really remember.
You didn't give twelve.
I didn't give any information, um, it just, my mom saw it.
She wasn't happy.
No.
Because she saw the news, and then I was like, "That doesn't happen." And then it was happening.
It was happening.
At the time.
Had, was, was gonna happen, you know, like, it was a thing.
She never got anything out of me, don't worry.
Yeah, like, all these people, like, I never, like, sent anything of me, you know, like, I never, like, told them my real name, or like, like, how to find me, or anything like that, because that would have been a problem.
What was the deal with the "Hey, it's me, 12303"? Like, was it a guy?
I don't know what it was, I, I, I, I had no idea, at this point, like, it could have been anything, anyone. And, you've never heard this story, right?
I don't believe so.
We, we would, for like, on, on AOL Instant Messenger, better known as AIM, did you have a screen name?
I don't remember.
No, bro.
You're a liar.
Wait, you don't have a...
Yo, that's crazy to me that there's people that haven't had screen names.
No, I definitely did. I just, I literally, I just don't remember in the moment.
He's a liar. That means it was like, "My cock is huge, my balls are bigger."
Yeah, pounding, Prisco129.
Might have been 10.
What does that mean? When I was 10 years old, I was probably...
When I was 10 years old, I probably had the biggest balls on the planet, dude.
What? That's not where I was going back.
I know, I'm saying like, that's what people said, like...
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It was like, eww.
Oh, oh.
You know? It's not... That's what I'm saying, like...
What?
Oh, Ant Pre?
Oh, see, this sucks, dude.
That sucks!
Why not just give them your social?
Be creative!
Which is what, by the way?
Ant Pre?
Or was it Cool War at the time?
Cool War?
Cool War.
What's what's cool about war?
And what wars have been cooler than others?
The Cold War. The Cold One.
But that was a...
It was the coldest of ones.
But what was, what's Cool War?
The one right before that, maybe?
Before...
Bro, you made the screen name. What is it about?
Oh, cuz my full name on Xbox was Cool War Monger.
Oh, well, there's a war starting outside, if you can't go to the building.
Yeah, it's, we're rumbling.
You're a Cool War Monger.
Who the fuck are you?
Yeah, I don't know, I don't know what you...
That must have been one of those auto-generated ones that like Xbox would give you when you would first sign in, like, "Hey, why don't you be like TomatoRocks18", you know?
Tomato Rocks.
It's pretty accurate. I like that, actually.
Uh, but, it was, I went into a chatroom, and those chatrooms were all like, ASL, ASL, ASL, which stands for?
Is that like a disease?
That's ALS.
It's ALS.
I mean, he's on to something. He's not, he's not far from it.
Oh, man.
Well, yeah, everyone was going in to see if anyone had ALS.
Age, sex, location.
So you say your age slash your sex.
Mm-hmm.
Slash where are you at?
So I'm in there, I'm fucking thirteen, M, N, Y. You know what I mean? Thirteen years old, male, from New York.
Got it. So, but then like someone, if they like saw you and wanted to talk with you, they'd message you on the side. And I got a message from, "Hey, it's me, 12303." And they were like trying to court me and like asked for me to like send pictures and like.
Of your butt?
I don't remember what they were specifically asking pictures for at this point, maybe in other times I'm talking about this, I remember, but I do remember very specifically, they, they asked me to like, "Hey,
finger yourself."
Forgot about it.
And my res- My response to them was, "Where?"
Where, yeah.
You know? But let this be very clear, because this is not a Patreon episode, which I just realized.
Yeah. Yeah.
Internet predators are a really serious and fucking dangerous thing.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, dude.
So like, it can happen to anyone, even when you think it's not happening, so be very fucking alert. Stay off the internet.
It happened to your favorite podcaster, dude.
Yeah, dude, I, I was-
But it was so like, it was that person, like anytime they would sign on, they would message me.
That's disgusting. And say, "Hey, did you do it yet?"
Like, I'm sure, it was something sexual.
Just following up. Got it. Just, just making sure.
It was, it was-
Circling back.
It was gross.
Circling around.
Yeah, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. And, uh, it was-
We don't suggest anyone do any sort of thing.
Yeah, I mean, especially like, I'm not gonna start naming names, but there are like certain places now where predators are known to hang out and target people and like online. I'm not gonna start dropping names of places or games or something, but- It's a very serious thing. Like, I don't want to be making light of something like, it was funny that it happened to me because like, it was like at the beginning of when this stuff started happening and as a kid I didn't know, but like now we have the tools to know this shit.
And protect our fucking loved ones against it. So like, very serious, especially, fucking, people are sick fucks out there.
They really are sick fucks. Um, we started with spoiled milk and here we are.
Yeah, and now we're at spoiled. No, I guess there's no way to make that work.
Speaking of milk though, did you see the RFK Jr. and Kid Rock video?
Oh my god.
I gotta say, for, for, Kid Rock who has thrown out some anti-gay slurs before,
that is quite a gay video.
Dude, that's, we're not gonna get into the politics of it all because that's not what this show is.
I'm down to do that too.
I mean, full screen this bitch.
Oh sure. Uh, the only thing I'm gonna need you guys to do is just tell me when to pause, because I'm not gonna know.
Of course, full screen it, so. Well, hold on, before we even start. Let's, let, let me tee it up a little bit. Let's just say one thing. What's with the jeans? RFK doesn't take the jeans off. We'll get into that as the video goes, as someone that has seen this. So for those of you guys that aren't from America and don't know luckily who these people are, RFK Jr., Robert Francis Kennedy Jr., is like the Secretary of Health or something like that? Guy's in great shape, I'm not gonna take that away from him, but has said in tons of questionable things and made suggestions about ways of being healthy. Kid Rock,
not a shining example of American male health. Let me just say that. Uh, I, no one, I have never looked at Kid Rock and just gone, I wonder what his fucking workout routine is? But, outside of-
I bet his lungs are clear.
Yeah, I mean, he looks like he's survived on cocaine, cigarettes, and Jack Daniels for the last 25 years. But they posted this as like, a like motivational get up and get moving workout thing?
I honestly don't even know what it's, what is it? Cause it's like the whole milk part was just so weird.
Now listen.
Play it and we'll just like kinda, I don't wanna play the whole thing through.
So you have RFK Junior on the left, Kid Rock on the right.
Just play it, just play it.
Okay. We'll start, we'll just start. It's a minute and a half long. Secretary Kennedy and Kid Rocks, Rock Out, Workout. Pause it, please. Let's start with this.
We're never getting through this.
No, we're not. It's okay, baby. We got a show here.
They got me with the image of the eagle, the bear, and the great white shark.
Really?
I love those things, those animals, okay? Those are cool animals.
Too easy, dude.
But calling it the Rock Out, Workout.
I just don't get what the point of this is. Just play it, just play it.
I got you, I got you, I got you.
And it's like he's cheering.
He's like cheering him on, like, "Let's go workout!" And then he's taking his shirt off, which no one has ever asked him to do. And then he's serving food? Okay.
Throw it. Wait, wait, hold on, go back. Did he take his shirt off and have another shirt under it?
What? No.
I don't think so.
Who are you talking about?
Kid Rock.
It looks like he was wearing another sh- yeah!
Oh, it was like a sweater and he had a little shirt underneath?
Now he's just doing zero resistance workouts.
Also, bad form. You're gonna hurt your neck there, my friend.
But yeah, it's like a workout video. Can we just like skip to the, uh...
Here we go. Now we're talking.
Oh, and then also...
This is great.
They have the assault bike in the sauna, and then also at a certain point, he jumps into the cold plunge, fully in jeans.
Let's pause here.
Oh.
Well, now, we know it's the cold plunge, cause the ice came in on the, on the screen.
Why isn't he, why is he wearing jeans?
You're, I know you have not watched Arrested Development, but there's a character on that show that's a never nude? And he wears jean cutoffs everywhere, all the time, and like is afraid to be nude? And people are saying that RFK Junior might be a never nude.
I mean, I just, it's very confusing that he's doing this. But then at one point during this video, they're in a hot tub together, and then it says, "Whole milk," in like drippy, white-
I mean, you don't need to, you don't need to spoil it. We'll, we'll get there.
We could, we could skip to it if you had.
Well first he jumps into the pool with more jeans and then...
Yeah, he also got out of the cold plunge.
Yeah, and now it's like whole milk and they drank whole milk.
With the drippy...
Like what, like what is... Like what, what is that whole thing about? Like what is it about?
I think like, there are people that are saying that like, we have moved away from whole milk as a healthy drink.
Not you.
I love whole milk.
You love whole milk!
I'll tell you this, this does more damage to my whole milk appreciation than anything else.
So maybe it's working.
This is like, you know what it is, there it is. Take another whiff.
Oh my god, please stop that milk.
That was like, the closest thing we'll get to like, a hyper right-wing heated rivalry.
Like, guys.
That's what that is?
Guys, just, just kiss.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on.
Just kiss. No one's gonna like, we'll be like, accepting, I promise. I mean, you might've said some things that maybe people will give you a little flack for a little bit, like...
Me?
No, not you, Kid Rock.
Oh, Kid Rock. Yeah, he has, Frank.
But like, guys, if you wanna kiss, like, well, I'll accept you. I think you will too. And, questionable.
I just feel like, it's like a weird video. I just don't know what it, what it means. Like, it's like, let's, we're gonna work out and then we're gonna drink whole milk in a hot tub. What?
Well...
Like, what are we doing?
Is that not, the, I, I assume the idea of that is to get up and work out, be more active.
Is it?
I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask you a question. You watch that, does that make you excited to work out?
No. It's, I'm confused.
What if I told you, that, it wasn't in this video, because we don't wanna get in trouble and owe money to Kid Rock. What if I told you that, the whole thing was underscored by, the song "Ba Witta Ba"?
Yeah, I did hear that. Uh, that doesn't, that, if anything, that just makes it more confusing for me. And it's just like, it's so funny, the edit is so funny to me, because it's just like, the typical... Like, America thing. It's like Eagles, Bears, the flag. Whole milk?
Like, what?
What are we attaching to?
I am just as confused by that as I am the several pairs of blue jeans that he works out in.
I think that was one pair of jeans that was wet, then in the sauna, and then back to wet again.
To be fair, don't you kind of resonate with that a little bit?
Fuck you, 100%.
You were in there, full jeans.
You see that point, by the way?
I did.
Yeah, you know you saw it.
You're in full jeans in the sauna?
I'm never, I have never once worked out in jeans. However, I think now, for experimenting, maybe, maybe we have to give it a shot. Maybe we need to go-
Wearing wet jeans, no shot.
I mean, they were working out legs. Like, they were do- they were also doing-
I would pull any of that a workout.
Some back and shoulders in there, you know. The blue jeans of it all-
Sitting in a car at one point? Like, what is this video?
The blue jeans of it all is the most confusing, because this is the type of, like, propaganda that does work for a very select group of people in this country.
Blue jeans?
Like, the whole, like, holding up a flag in front of a statue of Lady Liberty in your home.
Was that who that was?
That was the Statue of Liberty.
Oh, was it?
My god.
Like, and then working out in blue, like, like, workout in my blue jeans. Like, that does work for people.
I don't know if I've ever had wet jeans on.
Ooh, that's a good, I know I have because, like, I have put on, like, not jeans, I guess, they're kind of like work pants over, like, sweatpants to go in the snow.
So, like, those get wet.
Why not wear snow pants?
Oh, because I don't own any.
You don't have snow pants?
Nope.
Because I don't.
It snows every year, though.
Yeah, not enough to justify wearing pants one day a year.
Just one pair of pants?
I don't care enough for snow pants. Like, it makes sense because you go skiing and snowboarding.
That makes sense to have snow pants. It makes zero sense for me to have snow pants.
I wouldn't say zero.
Zero.
Never had a full drink spilled in your lap wearing jeans? I've had. It goes right through.
I have, I think, yeah. I have been like-
You had a wet penis?
All the way through.
I have, I have been caught-
Whoa.
In like the rain in jeans and like the thighs get very wet.
That's like the most uncomfortable feeling. Like, I've got caught in the rain in jeans and I'm like, yeah, it's so uncomfortable. I can't imagine being completely wet. What are you talking about? That was like a very specific- Like, you had a pina colada just poured right through your jeans or something?
It's like just a cocktail or beer just went, it just went right through.
Do you have any-
Like, it landed on top, but you felt it in the back. You know what I mean?
You, someone spilled a drink on your penis and you felt it in your ass?
Actually, I can relate to that. It feels like you're like sitting in it then at some point.
Yeah, yeah. It went right, right through the whole thing.
Yeah, I think I've had that experience as well.
Well, you gotta buy better jeans then. That's such a, some porous jeans.
I mean, no, no, he's right. Jeans are, denim is very porous and absorbent. So, I, I, I, I feel your pain. I have felt it. I'm currently feeling it, thinking back on it.
Well, I appreciate you feeling it.
See what he did?
I mean, I feel like you set him up for that, to be fair.
I, is there a reality where we film a rebuttal one? You and I film a, like, Rock Out, Workout, Basin Yard Edition. And it's us at the gym. You could be in jeans. I could be Kid Rock.
You wanna be Kid Rock?
I don't wanna be. But if someone has to be, I'll take that bullet.
Doing push-up-
Take that bullet.
And then we, when we jump into the hot tub, what are we drinking?
Whole milk, brother.
What do you think?
We're just gonna remake it?
Well, I think we should do our version of it.
Right, so that's what, uh, we wouldn't drink whole milk.
Oh, you guys would do like chocolate milk.
Why would we drink?
Why would we do that?
I don't know, because it's the opposite of them trying to be healthy milk, right? Isn't this the thing?
I don't know.
I don't even know what you're saying, but I-
See, this is how confusing it is. I mean, it's a very confusing video.
I'd drink Kool-Aid, like a, a, a fruit punch or something.
Now we're talking.
Damn, I haven't had fruit punch in a long time.
Now we're talking. I do have a thing of Kool-Aid at my house.
Yo, when was the last- what? You have Kool-Aid?
Oh, shit.
You want it?
No?
Oh. Alright.
But, but, I mean, it makes sense you have children. What am I gonna do with it?
I mean, we haven't opened it yet.
When was the last time you had a Hawaiian punch?
Oh, too long, brother. Which, I've never been to Hawaii. Something tells me that's not Hawaiian, like, punch. Like, real Hawaiian punch is probably not that color.
I don't think that's-
Like, Dr. Pepper should only be working on peppers, like-
No, but like, Dr. Pepper has, it's like, it's spicy, because it, it's cinnamon in there, but like, Hawaiian punch is just in the name. Like, I'm sure if you went to Hawaii and you were like, "Where's the Hawaiian punch?", they'd hit you.
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
I don't need to-
Because I think that we're all under the assumption that it's just not, it's not actually like Hawaiian-based.
Yeah, I know. I, it's been a while. I will tell you this.
Here you go. Rank these. And it could be any flavor you want, whatever the best flavor is of these three drinks.
Uh huh.
Kool-Aid.
Hawaiian punch. Capri Sun. Hi-C. Go.
What was it again? Oh, Kool-Aid's number one.
Kool, Kool-Aid's number one?
And what's your, like, flavor?
The coolers, the cooler, the jammers.
Oh, the one-
The one that came in the plastic bottle?
Yeah, and it looks like a lobster?
Spaceship. It looks like a spaceship.
Or that, too.
It does.
Um-
Uh, Hawaiian punch is not made in Hawaii.
No shit, Sherlock.
Alright.
I mean, you're the one.
Just, just-
Um, I'll put Kool-Aid first, probably Capri Sun second?
Capri Sun is up there. I don't like when they try to put Kool-Aid in the pouches. Like, the pouch, pouch game was a Capri Sun game.
Yeah, that's it.
Respect. Respect that they established that.
Um, then, Hi-C.
Hawaiian Punch. What was the last other one? Was that the last one?
Hawaiian Punch, Kool-Aid, Hi-C, and Capri Sun.
Yeah, yeah, I'll put Hawaiian Punch last.
It's good, but like, it also like, I don't know if this is true or not, but I feel like it can't get cold.
Wow, that's an astute observation.
Like, I don't, I've never had that and been like, oh, this is cold. Like, it's never cold.
I don't think I've ever had cold versions of any of those drinks.
Can you look that up, actually? Cause I wonder if that's an actual thing, because I've like, tested that before and been like, I don't know if I can get this cold.
Well, because it comes in a fucking thirty gallon jug, and you have to keep it in the fridge for four weeks for it to get even remotely cold.
You want me to look up if the liquid drink Hawaiian Punch can get cold?
Just make, I'm just making sure.
Do your fucking job. I have a theory that it can't.
The question I would write here is, can Hawaiian Punch get cold?
I think it's a, I think it's a great question, and I don't like the judgment he's using.
I'm just, I'm just clarifying.
I will tell you this, I, if we're asking-
It is a top search. Sorry to inter-
Right! Is it?
Um, but yes, Hawaiian Punch gets cold, when refrigerated or placed over ice.
I don't believe it. You don't drink any of that shit with ice. But if you're asking, if other people are asking that, there's something.
There is.
You drink it out of either a cardboard box, or a reflective plastic pouch.
Wait a minute. It does say, "The high sugar content acts as an antifreeze, meaning it requires lower temperatures than water to reach freezing state." So technically-
I fucking knew it.
The threshold of being cold is lower.
Bro, I'm pretty sure that if you put Hawaiian Punch in the freezer, it wouldn't freeze like vodka. Well, I think, I think if your freezer is set to thirty-two, it might not, but if your freezer is set to like, minus-two, like most are, then yeah, it'll probably freeze.
I'd give you like forty percent.
It's a theory, it's a theory. That's such a fucking great point. To also piggyback off that, I've never had a warm Yoohoo. Every Yoohoo I have had.
Ooh, I've had it.
I mean, they're on the floor. That was a stupid way of saying what I wanted to say. That was a very stupid way of saying that. I meant like.
Well, how, hold on, how are you drinking your Yoohoo?
Well, at my. Very dumb. Those, I missed all the context. My, at my mom's house, she would buy drinks like that, that come in like cases or whatever, and she would have them on the floor near the back door, and I would just drink them like that.
They're on the floor. As if that was like, oh, okay.
My, my point is like, they're not stored cold.
But like, cans, I remember our friend always had cans of Yoohoo.
Freezing.
That was basically like beer for an eight-year-old.
Because like, you'd crack it and like.
Real quick, we have sponsors, but.
Not Yoohoo, not one of them.
Not one of them, but we are gonna bring that right back up. Um, we have Squarespace, okay? Squarespace is a platform where you're going to build your website with it, okay? They have a bunch of templates that are going to help you out and build your website. If you make content, or you have an ecommerce business, or any sort of retail business or anything online, you're going to need a professional-looking website. It is your first impression. If people come to your website and it doesn't look too good, they don't trust you as much, they're way less likely to check out and buy your product. So, put the effort into your, uh, into your website. And Squarespace is gonna make it very easy. They have a bunch of tools that are also gonna optimize all your traffic. Every single landing page that we create is with Squarespace. They are the best ones.
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Counting most.
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I was talking about Yoohoo and how much I've drank of that. I, in high school, I would get it every single morning.
I mean, I, I-
Four years of Yoohoo. You know what kind of damage I've done to my body?
From like 8th until 10th grade, every morning, my breakfast was a can of Coca-Cola and a BLT. Like, we were not-
Wait, you have Coca-Cola for breakfast?
Oof.
Yoohoo. What has more sugar, a can of Yoohoo or a can of Coca-Cola?
Couldn't tell ya.
Probably Coca-Cola.
I would say Coca-Cola, but it might not, the margin might be slimmer than you would think.
I feel like they're both bad. They're both like equally like not great.
Coca-Cola is like, like 35mg, where Yoohoo might be in like low twenties, low to mid twenties.
No, I think-
I know like a can of Coca-Cola is like-
Coca-Cola is 39 grams of sugar.
Holy moly.
Yoohoo is 33.
Holy moly again.
So who's fucking, who's fucking who?
You know?
Did, did you know that Yoohoo has no milk in it?
Yeah, they can't call it chocolate milk, it's like chocolatey drink.
Chocolate drink, yeah.
It's weird, that tripped me out.
I'm okay with it.
I mean, it may, I'm not, I'm not looking to have it to like supplement my milk intake, you know?
You know what I, you know what I did? Once, I put, uh, it was a glass bottle of Yoohoo too. And I would put it in a bowl and then I put cereal in it.
Oh yeah, duh.
Like I think of like cocoa pebbles or cocoa puffs or something.
I was not a big chocolatey cereal kid, but I could see why that would. But you could also just do regular milk?
Bro, what I would do to a cocoa pebble right now. A fruity pebble? Bro, you get a fruity pebble in front of me, I'll show you something.
I mean, I'm down for some fruity pebbles. Ant, can you make it happen?
A multiple cereal taste test episode?
DoorDash right now.
Don't do this.
A half gallon of whole milk.
Oh god.
We can't get more milk. And a bowl, and some fruity pebbles, so we can have some fucking fruity pebbles in here.
I wanna put my tongue through an applejack.
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't know.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not gonna touch that one.
You know it though, you wanna do it too.
Not through an applejack.
I love, uh, call me a sadist, is that the one that loves pain?
Masochist.
That's it. I think sadists like, like evil or something like that. But like, I used to love putting a crunch berry between my tongue and the roof of my mouth and crushing it. And then it would just shred the top of my mouth like a cheese grater.
I know you're gonna make fun of me, but let me get it out first, the, the honeycomb.
I know, you would suck through it all the time.
What did I just say? What did I just say? Hello, call my therapist, I fucking knew it!
I like sucking it and making it crush.
And making it flat, real flat.
Like, like those videos of like, people putting things into like, vacuums and then they like, cut all the oxygen out and then it just
I have no idea what you just described.
You've never seen those, you've never seen those.
I thought you were talking about the hydraulic machine that like, crushes stuff.
What do you think is, by serving size, the most unhealthy, like sugary cereal? I imagine it's gotta be fruity, no, Fruit Loops?
Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure it's Frosted Flakes.
Get the fuck outta here.
No way!
Dude, Frosted Flakes, I've convinced myself.
No!
For worse, or better, that Frosted Flakes is like, healthy adjacent.
Dude, it's so good.
It's, it's flakes, it's cornflakes! It's cornflakes, but it's like...
It ain't fucking-
Frosted.
But it ain't, but it ain't the other ones dude, like cinnamon-
It's gotta be Fruit Loops.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch has to be worse than Frosted Flakes.
Cause you're getting, you're getting a thing of Fruit Loops that is just every color that is not natural.
I saw this thing that
a, one of the cheesecakes, it's their most like calorically dense cheesecakes from the Cheesecake Factory, up against other stuff. It's like a Reese's Pieces cheesecake or whatever. It's 1,500 calories for a slice.
Yeah, that's bad. But it's cheesecake. I'm gonna eat it.
Yeah, I mean, it's probably delicious.
I imagine that it's gotta be Fruit Loops a- at the top. It's so tough because I think like fruity pebbles, but ah, yeah, why don't you look this up? This is very easy.
I, I know I am, I'm trying here.
Just pull up like the nutrition facts on like, the heavy hitters.
We got cereal crunch time. Um, honey crunch with nuts. Does anybody know that Kohl's honey crunch with nuts? Anybody heard of that?
If you think I am going into a grocery store and I'm picking out honey crunches with nuts, I hope you take a gun and shoot me in the face.
Well, it's saying that by weight, that's 42% sugar.
What the bag?
Yeah, and Frosted Flakes is 41% sugar in that.
Like the bag.
I mean, he's saying by weight though, a corn, a cornflake is like papyrus. So of course it's gonna be heavier because of the amount of sugar that's caked on this thing.
I'll tell you what, my favorite bowl of Frosted Flakes is when you get to the end and then you just dump a bunch of that fucking dust in there.
Oh yeah.
I'm not looking for by weight, what the amount of sugar is. I'm looking-
How is this hard? How are you not just looking up Frosted Flakes sugar content?
Cause I'm trying to get a bunch of cereals at one.
My guy, my guy.
Let's just get the one. How much sugar is in, is there more sugar in a Coca-Cola or a fucking-
I mean, to his defense, he needs to find like of comparable serving sizes. So like if a serving size for this one is a third of a cup and that one it's a half a cup, like-
They're all, it's cereal, it should be the same.
No, different, they, you can quantify what a serving size is like yourself. It doesn't need to be-
Okay, so I got a bunch of cereals, um, s- serving size of 30 grams and their sugar content.
This guy's going by grams. Where the fuck do you get you-
I believe it's a bowl, I believe it's a bowl.
We're in a good old, you didn't see that RFK Kid Rock video? We want it in Fahrenheit.
From what it looks like here, Frosted Mini Weeks, eh, Mini Weeks, Frosted Mini Weeds and Captain Crunch are the highest.
At fifteen point seven grams of sugar.
Whoa, Frosted Mini Weeds?
I again convinced myself that those are healthy too.
Me too. I like when I get a double.
Oh, or, or when you get one that is just like, just the house is painted with this shit.
Yeah, blizzard on this fucking bitch.
I'm talking like four coats of paint on this bastard.
Oh my god, I love that shit.
And then you get one that's like nothing on it and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why do I feel like I'm from Kansas or Kentucky?
I'm eating hay, what am I, a horse?
Yeah, get this fuck out of here Dorothy.
Wait, that one has a lot of sugar in it?
Yep. Captain Crunch and Frosted Mini Weeds, very high. Top two.
Wow.
They're tied.
Captain Crunch, I-
Captain Crunch I get. I mean, there's nothing real about that.
No, I, I would get it if it was Oops All Berries, which is the superior version.
Frank, those are all dyed anyway.
I know, but I'm saying like Captain Crunch, like Captain Crunch without Crunch Berries is just those little yellow puffs.
Yeah, but those are dyed.
Huh?
Sound like a piece of corn.
You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.
What else we got? What the hell is the Frosted Flakes before I cut my own head off at the neck?
I, I am a little disappointed with Frosted Flakes. I really thought Tony the Tiger was saying they're great in terms of how they work for you.
Frosted Flakes is ten point three grams of sugar per.
That's, my god.
That's nothing!
But what's the serving size?
Thirty grams.
Which is what, a third of a cup?
So it's a third of the serving size of sugar is essentially what it's saying.
But, and, and if it's serving size, you're putting like, close to a cup and a half in this fucking bowl, baby.
No, I'm not.
You're going two?
Frank, whatever the biggest bowl in my house is, is getting filled to the brim and then refilled.
I love how we have somehow-
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And by "we," I mean me, but you're in this with me now, baby. Convinced ourselves that sugary cereal is still, in a way, healthy.
Oh, I, yeah, I, Frank.
That ship has sailed, I know. I know.
So Frosted Flakes is 10.3 grams of sugar per, but Fruity Pebbles is 10?
Whoa, hold on, hold on. But Fruity Pebbles is basically...
I mean, now, now we're, now I'm on a diet. Now, now I'm on a diet. Fruity Pebbles, I'm on a diet.
Yeah, if anything, Fruity Pebbles...
The thing with Fruity Pebbles, though...
Is better for you than Frosted Flakes?
The thing with, though, is actually, it's probably not, just because they're so small. I can get rid of the half a bag. Like, that?
Yeah, but if it's going by serving size, it all, it all equates, like...
They're saying a serving size, a serving size of Frosted Flakes might be 100 Frosted Flakes. Where a serving size of Fruity Pebbles might be 500, because of the size.
Sure, sure, sure. But I definitely think I could eat the bag of Fruity Pebbles in two sittings, and the Frosted Flakes might take me through.
I love Fruity Pebbles for the first minute and a half that I have that bowl there. After that, it becomes...
You guys are crazy, I like a little soggy cereal!
No, I'm sorry. It basically becomes like toilet water. Like, I'm, it, it like sops up and becomes like a...
Frank, if that's what toilet water tastes like, give me a swirly.
Yeah, okay.
Flush it and let it drain it.
You want to be, you want to head in there, right?
That was crazy.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 9.7.
Literally a diet. Literally, I'm on a diet.
That's crazy, because they've also mastered what breakfast cereal is. We've said, we've, we've done this before, and we'll say it again.
Best cereal.
That's the best cereal. That's S-tier for you.
Yeah, it is.
Maybe sometimes you get a shrimp tail in there.
Did that happen?
Yeah, that was them. You don't remember that?
Was the guy having lunch?
No, the guy like poured out a bowl and he got like a cinnamon frosted shrimp tail, which I'm gonna go out on a limb.
I would think it was like a sweepstakes, I'd be like, oh, lucky me.
Oh shit, yeah, but we come from the days of like, you open up a fucking cereal box and there's like a Playstation 1 demo disc in there.
Does that not happen anymore?
Now they do like Cracker Jack prizes where it's like, tear this paper off and it's a fucking model tax book or some shit.
I hated when fucking cereals, like, they don't have toys in them and they're like, oh, just, you know, mail it in for a rebate. I'm like, bro, I still to this day, I have no idea what a rebate is.
And I'll tell ya, I'll, I'll never-
I'm not participating.
I'm not, I'll never figure it out because I need to stand in solidarity with you.
Oh, I need to, we need to mail this in and then we'll send it. It's not happening.
Yeah, you get a $200 mail-in rebate.
I'm not, I'm not doing work-
You want me to get up and do work after I just gave you all my money?
I'm not paying for this for you to mail me money back. What are we doing?
And like, so what? So in a month and a half, I get a check for a hundred bucks? Fuck you Kellogg's.
Yeah, I'm not, I'm not doing that.
What are you so pensively looking up now?
Just making sure if you asked for more cereals that I had any and I have none.
I mean,
what are, what is another, we need to know, give me-
Well, I just, alright.
Give me honeycombs.
I don't-
Because, or Corn Pops. I'm a little, when Corn Pops used to come in the bag that looks like it was sent to space.
Oh, they got rid of that?
It's the Area 51 bag?
Yes, now it's in a regular ass fucking bag, which sucks, such nuts. Such nuts.
Um.
Hmm, I don't know what, how many grams are going off of, but it says 15 grams per serving.
That's not-
Higher than I thought.
That's not that low. I was expecting it to be lower.
Corn Pops are kind of ass.
Come on now.
You like them?
I kinda like, oh, Apple Jacks.
Yeah, Apple Jacks are great.
Apple Jacks.
Corn Pops are like, eh.
I like Corn Pops. Gotta have my pops.
You know what I like? Kicks.
Berry Berry Kicks. Now we're talking, but that's another one-
You're getting crazy, this is dessert now.
I know, Berry Berry Kicks, like, that was another one that was just like, a healthier alternative, like, if you, if you were in, if you were in elementary school and like, someone found out you had kicks, be like, alright, you, what are ya? You know?
You think you're fucking the model of health?
Do you know any grown adults that like non-honey Cheerios?
Uh, no. I'm gonna go one step further. Cheerios kinda suck.
Honey Nut Cheerios are fantastic.
Yeah, Honey Nut.
They can suck my nuts.
You don't like Honey Nut Cheerios, for real?
Nah, they can suck my nuts. Uh, Frosted Cheerios.
Ooh.
Well, hey, time to grow up, though. Okay, you graduated.
You're the one that just said you'd eat a box of fruity pebbles and two bowls. Who needs to grow up?
I said I would eat it in one sitting, like a grownup. And I also haven't done that in two years.
That's recent, brother.
But two years ago.
That's real recent.
Two years ago, I wanted like a little cereal kick, cuz I was like, I'll just eat everything else. Cuz I hadn't eaten cereal in ye- like, literally like six years.
It's okay. It's okay to treat yourself a little bit.
I'm just saying, I fell into a hole and it was a deek, deek, dairy, baby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it was a deep dog rabbit hole and I was just buying cereal and then I was just crushing cereal.
God, let's get cereal in here.
See, this is why it's good that like-
We talk this stuff out?
Well, just, just, let's get cereal in here, it's so stupid. No, but it's good that like, you know, if I lived alone, oh my god, dude.
Yeah, it's good that you-
I would eat like an idiot.
Well, I did live alone and I did eat like an idiot.
Oof, do you remember the big fucking boxes where it was like three of them? Ah.
Oh, well, you'd get them from like Costco.
Yeah, dude.
You'd go to Costco and it would be a fucking like time machine box and it would have three bags in there, which you could never get back in once you opened the bag.
Once it's open and you open the box, it's done. And it would be like, but see, this is how they'd get you. They'd put a shitty one in there. It'd be like, Apple Jacks, Fruit Loops, and then fucking Honey Smacks or something stupid.
Or like Rice Krispies, which are good.
I love Rice Krispies.
You gotta add sugar, though.
I love hearing that shit fucking talk to you and like Spanish and shit like that.
That's what I imagine like people that watched the Turning Point USA halftime show thought that the like Bad Bunny halftime show sounded like.
Like Snap, Crackle Pop?
Just like a, like a bull, like those people are just like, I'm not listening to this. And to them, it just sounds like-
You interpreting the sound that Rice Krispie makes as his like Hispanic or Spanish?
I'm saying I imagine that's what they thought it sounded like because they're the idiots, not me.
I'm not.
Ah, Ant, what's your favorite cereal? If you, alright, because we've, we've talked about it. Give us your top three.
Frosted Flakes.
Yeah, number one?
Uh, I think so.
I respect it. It's interchangeable, doesn't need, you don't need to worry.
I respect it.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
And then.
Respectful.
Cocoa Peb, uh, Cocoa Pebbles, yes.
Ooh, you're not a puff guy?
Nope. I'll tell you this, I don't know what it is because I'm 99% sure it's not actual fruit flavors. Trix is amazing.
I used to fuck with Trix when they were shapes.
They're, they're back to shapes, brother.
That's good news.
They've come, they've come all the way back to shapes because they were balls for a while.
Yeah, when it was all balls, I'm like, this is too much balls.
They put a lot of balls in there and now they're back to shapes.
I like shapes.
I also love my Lucky Charms. I know, grow up, I know, I know, I need to.
No, they're overrated, but.
I would never go as far as to say overrated.
I would say they're not very good.
You know what sucks, actually, I don't know if they suck, Golden Grahams?
Dude, if you like.
They're good and bad.
Honey Smacks or Golden Grahams, just do all of us a favor.
Yo, we ate a lot of Honey Smacks growing up, but they taste like a old brown house.
Yep. Like, you would need to like read like a first edition of like The Hobbit when you had that.
When I, when I'm eating Honey Smacks, I'm thinking of the original Wizard of Oz and like that bitch in the beginning that's like, "Grrrr, little dog", like I'm thinking of her.
Yeah, the neighbor, whatever that idiot's name was.
Wasn't she the witch?
She ended up being the witch, it was played by Margaret Hamilton, same person, yeah.
Correct. I would imagine that like, the people that ate Honey Smacks also like regularly had like framed burlap sacks on their wall and ran an antique shop.
And like played with tops.
Pogs.
What's that?
You remember pogs? They were weird, they were right before.
Pogs?
It was like 1993, 1994. They were like little cardboard circles with like characters on them and like it was like "The Slammer" and it was like a card game before a card game.
I thought you, I thought you were saying pog, like pog like a...
Nevermind.
You got it.
You know what I'm talking about.
What's a pog?
You know what I'm talking about, pog?
I'm gonna say no.
You know.
I know. What's a pog?
It's a, it's a porn term.
Okay, you've lost me.
Well, it's spelled P-A-W-G, so I'll let you, like, come up with something.
Is it an acronym for something?
Can't wait. Just so we're clear, this is Frank figuring out for the first time what a pog is.
What a pog, so it's, it's, it's P-A-W-G.
So it's used as like-
It's an acronym.
An acronym, but like, it's used to describe someone or something.
Uh, both.
So like...
Without a hint, it's gonna be tough. Pretty ass wipe gentleman.
Okay, you're like, close, but gentleman's crazy.
Pretty ass...
Widow guy.
Guy.
What the hell are you, what was that?
Pog, G, the guy, the G's a guy. Guy.
It's not widow guy. Okay? Go back to the last one you did.
With...
No, Frank, think racism, it's porn titles here.
Oh, I don't wanna do that.
Well, think of race. Sism. Think of race.
Pretty ass white?
Now we're getting somewhere.
Gay.
No, no, no, no, no. Um-
Pretty ass white- There's one other G word, I think there's just- Gag.
Oh, there's two. Gag. There's two other.
This is a, don't overthink it, it's like, you know, this is a thing that's happening between a, this and another that.
A pretty ass white girl?
Yeah, but the, it's not pretty. Think nineties, think nineties.
Posh?
Posh? You think it's Spice Girls? No, no, think nineties and like, cool. Like, oh, that's cool, that's-
That's-
With a P, with a P, but it doesn't sound like a P. It doesn't sound like a P. No, it sounds like a different one. If you add- Oh, is it fat? Oh, that's- Fat ass white girl. That's mean. No, it's about her, it's a white girl with a fat ass. It's about the butt. Ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like a fat-
It's not like a fat ass, no, it's like a fat ass white girl, yeah. Oh, oh, that's- It's a porn term. So when you said pogs, I was like, what? No, this is P O G. Yeah, different. P O G. Yeah. Um, and I would say P H A T, fat, it was like an early to mid 2000s thing. Was it? Fat Farm. Oh, right, right, right, right, yeah, my ears were off. Yeah, because of Fat Farm. I remember, I remember in, uh, Meet the Fockers, where he goes into, or maybe the second one, or whatever the fuck, or maybe that was... Yeah, it was the Fockers. Meet the Parents was the first one, Meet the Fockers was the second, Little Fockers was the third. It was the second one, and then he goes into like the kid's bedroom, and he's like, "Oh, Lil' Kim, she's fat." P H A T. I always remember that. That's funny.
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Um, alright, so what the hell were we talking about?
Uh, you were talking about, you were explaining pogs?
Can you look up the 90s pogs just to show him? You might know if you might recognize it.
Like a, like a, it's a...
It was like a little like cardboard circle and like, it was like a game and like it came with like the Power Rangers on it, Jurassic Park.
Oh, the game. Do the game. Did you say you had another one of these games?
Oh, you wanna, you wanna riddle?
Fuck, I hate these goddamn riddles.
Okay, so all you have to do is tell me how many horses are in the stable.
What, what stable?
Whichever stable is in your mind. How many horses are there? Okay? Ready?
Three.
What? It didn't happen yet.
Here we go.
How many horses are there?
I counted six. One, two, three, four, five.
Are these multiple?
So nine, maybe, actually?
I'm gonna say two.
I said nine.
There were five.
Five? There were five.
Alright, I'm gonna fucking walk, cuz you know I hate these, and you guys, this is what happens.
I'm not in on this one!
You guys get them first, and then I have to sit here like an idiot.
How about now?
There were three.
Oh!
I got it.
You got it?
I said three too, just cuz he said it.
Now?
You go first.
Six.
I said three.
One. It was one.
I'm gonna get very angry, but I'm trying to...
Oh, shut up.
Can you get it this time?
Six. Five?
There were six.
I got it now.
How, how, how?
I have it. I got it.
Hit me again.
It's, I don't know. Slow, very slow, please. One, two, three. One, two.
Last try.
One, two, three, one, two. Five.
Two.
There were two.
Oh my god, I'm so got it! I'm so got it, I got it!
He said, hang up that fucking phone.
You wanna try again? Do you, what do you think's going on?
It's gotta be something that you're doing with your hands, that...
Has to be. Has to be something I'm doing with my hands.
Alright, so put your hands down and do it.
Well, I can't, because...
So it is his hands. So it is his hands. Go again.
Go ahead.
That was...
How many horses are there now?
Seven.
Six. I swear to God, I'm gonna flip this fucking table over.
Well, how'd you get to seven?
Yeah, what was seven?
I'm watching his hands, and then he went like this.
So I thought it was like an upside down seven. So do it, and keep your hands here.
Alright, alright, alright.
Stop. Fuck, I lost it, I lost it.
You blinked?
Start again, start again, start again.
That matters.
What about?
Ten.
Now. Ten?
I'm gonna say three.
It's three.
Come on, guys. I figured it out. Ooh, I like being in on inside jokes when I'm inside them!
Bet you do!
I don't know how much more I can help you. Want one more?
Make it as obvious as you can.
Three. One, two, three.
Three minus two plus one, so... Two?
How many, Joe?
It's like, it's like...
One. It was one, it was one.
Wait! Didn't I, no, I said two, because you did one, two, three, so it's that.
Minus that, so three minus two plus... One. So two.
Okay, alright. Maybe you're getting close, you're not. Here we go. One, two, three, four. No, it doesn't matter. Ready?
How many horses are in the stable, now?
Is it like, is there multiplication involved?
So three plus three times two, twelve?
Eight. It's eight.
Can I do it?
Sure, do it to him, do it to him.
Frank, I'm gonna get you to get this, right?
And I'll answer, I'll answer. So now, now I'm with you.
Give me a split fucking second to take a sip, because I'm...
What is that? What are you drinking, by the way?
It's tea.
That's tea?
Hmm.
It looks like dehydrated urine.
Yeah, maybe it is.
Looks like something from Jurassic Park that would attract...
It's sparkling tea.
Ready?
How many horses?
I think there's three.
No, right, okay. How do I, how do I-
Well, there were three. Yes, yes. Okay.
How do I-
Good luck.
Okay, go, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
No, no, no, I'm doing you a favor.
Hold on.
No. Think there was one?
You know there's one.
I know there's one.
Frank, why am I doing this? I, I, it, maybe it's not, so it's, it's the cycling of these, so it starts with snaps, and then it goes to a different cycle, and then it goes to a different cycle, so that's three different cycles.
Think it- No, no, no.
Think about, think about the other times that we've played the game, right? Yo, I'm gonna fucking come over there and pour that milk down your fucking throat.
You said he was stupid?
I said you're stupid. I'm gonna pour that milk down your fucking throat.
Alright Joe, maybe you just gotta go real slow, try again.
Okay, ready?
Three?
Okay. Try it again.
Three. No, I thought you had it!
There's one.
Why was there one?
Why was there three before?
Damn it! I thought you were on it. I, I fucking hate these little bar tricks. You go to fucking bars too much, you fuck, and you, fuck you too.
I don't, I'm dying!
You know what, this, you earn a bitch here. Write that down, you two bitch!
Um, can you just tell me?
Yeah, I guess you just reveal it now.
Alright, wait, wait. Let me do it.
And then you tell me-
How many horses there are.
How many horses I-
Are in the stable.
How many?
I thought, I was, I was thinking like, five. But, I don't know how I convinced-
But like, why would we both say two?
Yeah, we both said two. Had we come up with that at the same time?
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Think about everything.
I'm gonna do it again.
Alright, but then, but then count down from three and we'll say it at the same time.
Three, two, one.
Zero?
Yeah, zero, I guess. Okay. Alright, now we have to tell him.
It's just the amount of words you say after.
When you ask the question.
I fucking hate-
That's why when you were like-
So do it again, do it again, do it again, do it again.
Yeah. You had to count that?
God.
Good job.
That's when he was like, "How many horses are in the stable?" My hands are underneath, I'm like-
I hate that so much.
I just don't, I, you, cuz you know why? Cuz I fixate on one thing there.
And I think like, there's something in that thing, like the hand things, that I'm not getting.
I always think that when he brings up one of those, that it's like, it can't be the obvious one. So I'm trying to think of everything else that he's doing.
I'm glad you think that, because I don't. So that's why you get it, and I do not. I fail.
It was fun from this side of the club, for sure.
Yeah, you pointing at me and saying that I'm stupid. I'm not kidding, take another whiff of that milk, right now.
I feel like-
Pledge. Do it!
I feel like that, do you think that's like, a very offensive thing someone said, like, could say to you?
That you're stupid?
Yeah?
But like, obviously, he didn't-
He obviously didn't say it in a serious manner.
No, no, yeah, I'm not.
I don't think you're stupid. Well, in that moment, maybe.
I'm kidding.
I would say that, like, it's so tough because like, if some random listener said like, this guy's an actual fucking idiot.
I wouldn't care. But like, if someone knows the real person that I am.
And yeah, I think you're stupid.
You're just stupid. Or like, you're not smart. That, I would, you know me, I would go into a fucking.
Well, that's what I mean. I feel like that, that's like, would, that would offend you more than like, other offensive things, for some reason.
Because I, I think like, that is a level of like,
like, you need to really not know me to think that I'm flat out stupid. You know what I mean? Like.
He's defending why he's not stupid.
I don't need to defend why I'm not stupid. I know, and the people that know me, like, that's the point that I'm making, is like, the people that know me know I'm not stupid. So like, if someone were to say it, like, if Joey were to say like, seriously, like, I just think you're dumb. I'd be like, what the, like, you know me. You know I'm not.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I agree.
I think it's tough because like, so much of this podcast is us like, assuming, or not even assuming, confidently stating we know something and then being proven wrong. Not me. Lately, I've been on a roll.
That was the last episode and happened twice.
It's two more than the one before that.
That's right, baby.
Well, anything up from zero is.
But like, it's now become like, a thing, like, we do it as a joke, you know?
Which thing?
Like the, like, these guys know nothing, where it'll be like, oh, the queen, and it's like, who? You know, and now it's become like, a whole pod, uh, podca, a whole podcast, like, subgenre.
I said it meant British.
Of like, people just not knowing, like, guys just not knowing things, and people think that's like, a bit that we do.
Yeah, I mean, I definitely like, know a good bit, but I definitely, uh, say things confidently that I'm not sure about.
I also don't tout myself as the smartest person in the room today, like.
Rank the three of us in order of intelligence.
Oh yeah. That's really, I honestly would say we're all on equal levels here. Ooh. I really would, like.
Media trained.
Say, say what you want about the next thing that's coming out of my mouth. Well, yeah. I hadn't known you, and then as I've been getting to know you more, I'm like, he's a smart kid.
Oh, so at first you thought I was a...
No, I just didn't know you, but like as I've gotten to know you, I could be like, wow, he's, he's like, you're very well spoken, you know a lot about a good amount of stuff, like, but, but like, I didn't know you, so I couldn't have said that, you know what I mean? Uh huh. Are you, are you smart? That's for other people to decide, I think. Yeah.
How were your grades growing up?
Very good grades. I don't think that's the, I don't think that's the standard.
No, no, no, I'm just trying to get somewhere.
Because I know people that had great grades that are just fucking idiots. It's fair. I think, I think to be smart, you need to be well, like, you need to be well versed in it, like, not well versed, but like, able to hold conversation and stuff. And also a part of being smart is knowing when to say like, I don't know. And we, that's a part that I think...
We need to work on.
As it left your mouth, you're like, well, that's not what we do at all.
Yeah, but like that, they're getting, they're not getting like, the real versions of us here. That's so good. You know?
You gotta be able to be like, I don't know.
I think there are things that you guys are, like, know more about than I do, as there are things that I know more about than you do and stuff like that, but like, I think in terms of like, our capacity for intelligence, I would say all of us are pretty close. Like, I wouldn't, I don't think I'm smarter or dumber than either, any of you guys.
What have I done? Why did I bring that up?
Now, there are other people that we know, that I have full on called idiots.
Right, yeah.
That was so funny. Oh my god dude. That got me good.
Well, you have to know when to say, "I don't know." That's important. Which we don't.
No, but like, in- intelligence is also like, your... Like, desire to also like, your capacity for learning, like, and willingness to learn. Like, people that are just like, "I know what I know and I'm not learning anything else, I don't care about other perspectives." I think that is a form of an idiot.
A form of an idiot, yeah.
Yeah, a form of stupidity.
It's one of the genres.
It's one of the genres. Do you, who do you think is the smartest in the room?
Uh, I don't know, I was just doing it to stir the pot. I was hoping you had a snap answer.
I know, hey, we'll give a real answer.
The smart answer is no answer. Like you gave, we're all in the same.
I mean, but if we're also gonna be technical, we do need to look at... Levels of schooling, if you're saying, "What are your grades?"
Well, let's just...
Let's just...
Let's look at the, let's, let's find a way.
Let's call a chick an a hen, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah. What?
Exactly. He doesn't know it.
Yeah, I don't.
We got it here.
Don't, don't drag me.
Do you have a degree?
College, I do. He does.
In what?
Finance.
Oh, that's right.
And I minored in economics.
Wow, that sucks. Was it fun?
A lot of numbers, no, it was not fun.
Where do you go to school, garglies?
Fun, please give it to me.
Please give it...
It's gotta be more creative.
Please give it, please?
Where did you go, Pace or something?
Baruch in the city.
Oh, Baruch.
You're not even gonna give me a satisfaction.
I can't. Garglies? Be more obvious, dude. Garglies. You went to Baruch?
No, let's just try, let's try that one more time.
Oh, he's gone.
Yeah, no, there it goes.
It's over now.
No, it's fair.
Where'd you go to school?
Suck on these?
Suck on my balls? University?
What did you say? Gargle on these? Gargalies.
Gargalies.
Mm-hmm. So...
Were you, you went to, uh, drag 'em?
Drag 'em?
What's drag 'em?
Drag 'em across your nuts.
You mean drag your nuts across the face? Drag, drag 'em across your nuts. Does that mean you're dragging your balls across his balls? Where do I fit into all this? What's going on, dude?
You mean drag 'em across your nuts?
It's like an alien. It's like an alien that just learned how to make that joke.
Yeah, right?
That was like if you act like AI to make a joke like that. Drag 'em across their balls and mine.
Are you crying? Oh my god, your face is wet.
You're fucking stupid. In that moment, I was the dumbest person in the room. There, we're back. Yeah, god. God, that was fucking funny.
You mean drag 'em across your fucking nuts?
Oh, jeez. Oh, god.
Dragging nuts across nuts is fucking hysterical.
Yeah, that's insane.
That's so fucking funny.
God almighty, that's my favorite part of this episode. You can cut everything else out.
Well, there you have it, folks. Uh, that's our episode for this week. Frank, where can they find you and your nuts?
Uh, come on. Let's be mature. Let's be mature here, okay? Back to being the three smartest people in the room.
The Frank Albers all over social media and
Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard.
Hmm, okay. Where can they find you, Ant?
You can find me on AntPrisco on Instagram.
AntPree?
Are you on Stuffies?
What's stuffed these?
Stuffed these nuts into your fucking mouth.
He's hesitant. Stuffed these nuts into your nutsack.
You would be the gay one with my nuts in your mouth.
You guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato, go follow the show at The Basement Yard, and that is all.
God, that's so funny.
See you next time.
Bye.
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