The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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17,410 words · 4 speakers
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Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank's petting my dog.
Yeah, I walked in, I didn't expect to see Charlie today. Hairy bastard today.
He's getting a haircut today.
He's a hairy bastard today. Not a bastard, technically. I mean, kinda technically, he is a bastard. A bastard dog?
Refrain from calling him a bastard.
I mean, that's a technical term.
Maybe that's a leg up from the last time when you called him a rat?
I mean, he's not a rat, he is a hairy bastard today. I love a good belly pat.
Smacking a dog on its ass.
I love it, but, no, I think technically, he's a bastard. Like you are-
Like in a Game of Thrones way?
Well, bastard means of no, like, father.
Through marriage. Like, no marriage.
Oh, I thought it was just like the father dipped out. Like, the father's like, "I'm out." So, 'cause his father, who's his dad?
A dog.
Exactly. I mean, you are his, you know, his father, his caregiver.
I'm the dad who stepped up.
You're the daddy, yeah. But he is technically, by all accounts, a bastard. And another bastard is ringing the bell right now.
I don't know why there's so many, like, bell ringing.
There's bastards about.
Can we not just mute that?
I think we could mute it, honestly.
We should probably, yeah, but now it's fun.
I mean-
Now it's fun, I don't think they could hear it. They probably could.
Wasn't the bell at one point like a song or something?
It was the Titanic theme song.
But then there was like an "Under the Sea", like a Little Mermaid one somewhere?
There's a bunch of options that you can make the bell.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, let's do it, let's make it-
I'd rather not hear it.
Can I sing something to make it the bell?
No.
Why?
Certainly not.
That would be one of the last things I would do.
Do you think anyone has a basement yard a ringtone?
No one has a ringtone because it's 2026, Frank.
Oh, I don't like that. I think we should bring back ringtones.
Is your phone ever on loud like a?
Yes, yes.
Do you, is yours?
Never.
Not once in the last sixty-seven years.
I don't feel the vibrations. Like, I really, really don't.
Come on.
Yeah, come on. Good, yeah, good vibrations. You know what I'm saying? Come on, come on!
Feel it, feel it!
Careful.
There's some, yeah, there's some, there's some dicey stuff.
That was around the time where, you know, he was, he was throwing punches or whatever.
He was throwing something out.
Yeah, he was.
Verbally and physically.
Yeah. Um.
Now. Now he stays prayed up.
Yeah, 4 a.m. You gotta be up. You gotta be working.
4 a.m. to pray for several hours is crazy.
Yeah, um, can I say something? Because I wish someone was saying a prayer for me, but I went to the dermatologist two days ago and the guy saw my penis.
Oh.
Not something I was prepared for.
Yo, you scared the shit out of me. You said, "Say a prayer for me." I went to the dermatologist. I was like, "This wouldn't be the time to throw some massive ass of news on us."
I meant like I wish someone said a prayer and like gave me the wisdom to know. I didn't know my penis was gonna be on the table.
You know what? I'm, I wonder if like, you know how like, um, like during like, uh, what are they called? Sermons? Or like, uh, what, what is it called when like church people get together and they like talk and pray?
Mass?
Mass. Like, do you think during mass, anyone was just like, "I watched an episode of this podcast, The Basement Yard, and, uh, I pray for those young men." Uh, and then they like, they talk about it in like the, the mass.
I think anyone that religious is probably turned away by most of the comments you make about religion.
No, I, I, I will stand by, I respect people's choice for their own religious identities. However, organized religion is...
Say it.
And has not been kind to people. Just want to throw that out there.
Okay.
You, you wanna, you wanna be, be?
You wanna be be?
But, um, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm good.
Wait, why did you go to the dermatologist?
Well, I thought, cause I, my barber found this thing on my head and I was like, oh my god, I'm dying. And I went, so I did the same day.
Are you dying?
No, I'm not.
I mean, technically, we all are.
Um, yeah, but he, uh, there was this thing on my head, but it's like a birthmark or something. And the guy was like, no, you're fine, don't worry about it. But I didn't, so I was like, I hadn't, I hadn't been to the dermatologist in like two years or something like that. So I was like, let me just get a full body scan while I'm here. And, you know, the woman comes in and she was just like asking me some questions. And then she's like, alright, you know, take, uh, take everything off except your underwear.
And put on this thing. And they give you like the paper dress. You know what I mean? Not flattering.
Why do they do that? At least give me like something that looks cute.
Or like something cloth. Like I'm wearing like a dentist bib on my entire body here. No. Uh, and it comes with a belt that you can tie around, but I didn't know.
What was a belt of like hemp twine?
It was like plastic, but I just threw it. And I just wore it and it was just like fucked. And then the guy came in and he's like checking my body, he's checking my head and whatever. And then he's like, and then he simultaneously, as he's saying like, uh, you know, I'm gonna lift your underwear a little bit.
He got, he, he stared down the barrel of it.
Oh, he looked like fully like went to the aquarium and saw the sharks.
Yes, dude. And I, and I didn't know what was going on because I, I thought that he was maybe gonna look at like, I don't know, like my pub area or something.
But then he got, he's. Honestly, no, now that I think about it, like that should be like heavily inspected.
My penis?
Not your penis, penises.
And.
Well, he didn't inspect my penis. Like, he didn't like grab my penis.
So, so. So, wait a sec. So, if he didn't like fully do his job.
He was checking the skin, I guess, around there.
He was just looking to just get a sense of what you were working with.
Maybe, and I'll tell you what, in that moment, freezing cold room.
Ice cold dick.
And also an unassuming penis. Like, if I knew that my penis was getting looked at, I would have slapped it around a little bit.
Really? Like you do your nipples?
Right.
Like you do your nipples?
Yeah, like give the nipples a little bit of this.
Did you do your nipple? Did you do your nipples?
You don't care what this guy thinks about your nipples?
Well, it was cold. My nipples are already like hard and like ready to go.
Gotcha.
But my penis was just kind of like, oh, we're lamping, you know, it's not, it's just me today. I'm like, I'm off. I'm off duty.
You could have chiseled some marble with that thing.
Yeah, with what thing?
That thing.
In reference to its strength and, uh, probably pointy nature.
Why are you saying that?
You said it was cold, so I, it shrinks and it gets hard. Not hard.
Do you have a penis? What is your experience with the penis?
I'm just saying, like, it gets like.
When your penis gets cold, it shrivels up and gets hard?
Well, it's certainly not, like, constricts.
Yes, yes, thank you. It's, I don't agree.
I'm trying to help.
So what happens? We, we know what happens to him. What happens to your penis? By the way, I'm sick of this already. Okay, you're coughing heavily, you're seizing and coughing.
I'm sick a little. I'm just, I mean, he's just doing it to fit in.
I'm getting it for both angles now.
I'm always sick.
You guys are fucking DP sicking me.
Let's, let's send our coughs his way.
I'm not gonna do that. That feels inappropriate. Um, so when your penis gets smaller because of temperature?
Temperature.
What happens?
It doesn't get hard.
It doesn't get hard. I think it's just dense. Like, it's all, all of the penis goes from an area of this to an area of this.
It compacts.
You know what I mean? Exactly. It's like a non-Newtonian fluid. Like, when you, when you, when you let it be, it flows and it's kind of chill, but then once you like hit it with something, it's like, koo.
Oh, so it's just like the non-Newtonian fluid?
Non-Newtonian fluid, yeah.
Oblek?
Oblek.
I don't know what that means.
Yes, yes, yes. No, but like, it wasn't like freezing to the point where my penis is like all the way up and kind of like clutching at pearls. It, it was, it was just kind of laying there and just.
You know, and the guy's like, alright, I'm gonna lift your underwear a little bit, and I was like,
so my penis, then he put it down, he was also very professional, and then he went to the other side-
This doesn't sound professional, this sounds like this guy's-
He's doing his job, he's checking my skin!
It's not like, it's not like he went, "Ooh!", and then he put it back.
Yeah, if he went, "Why, caramba!", and then put it down, that would be weird, especially weird because he was Chinese. Um, but, then he went around to the other side, and he lifted the, the other side too, so I was like, he got two looks.
Oh, so you gotta look at your asshole?
No, no, no, no, no, he wasn't checking my asshole, I mean, he did see the top of my butt.
Cause he pulled down my-
I feel like if he was really good at what he was trying to get done there-
You don't know how to loo- uh, there's, first of all, my asshole!
I, listen, it doesn't take a doctor to know how to look at something.
Sure does.
I mean, no!
That's all of dermatology.
No, it takes a doctor to know what you're looking at, but I am a good, if, if there is a whole- Sorry, I have hiccups.
Yeah, you wanna take a break?
If there is a whole class in med school about looking, I would ace that, because like-
There isn't.
That's what I'm saying, is like, I can just look at something, but like, in theory, if he is going to be looking in those areas, he should get more of a look than a- He should go-
Well, if there's no, if there's no like, mole or something there, he doesn't have to look.
But he, he won't see if there's a mole or something there, because he can't-
He look, but I have white skin, and moles are like, brown, so like, you'll notice it on me.
You know what, that is a good point, yeah, mole stick out like a sore thumb on you.
Yeah, so he got a good look-
Wait, were you standing or laying?
No, I was laying down on my back, you know what, just stop talking.
I'm sorry, I'm okay, I'm working-
This kid's like Dumbo, he's fucking burping, he's on the train, what's going on here?
I'm working through it, don't worry about me.
I can get rid of it, talk, you two vamp for a sec, I'm gonna do it.
Why'd you say vamp? What does that mean?
He's getting rid of hiccups.
Yeah, he is.
I had, I have a beauty mark on the bottom of my balls, and-
I was asking about that!
Well dermatology, I had a story.
Now I know!
I mean, I was trying to get rid of my hiccups.
How do you know that if it's on the bottom? I don't know if I've seen the bottom of my balls!
Oh well because he can swing them over.
Oh, is that it?
And I fucking look at it.
Do you have big swinging balls?
No, not really.
But how do you know it's there?
Well I saw it once.
I know how.
A mirror?
I saw it once.
You ever get a mirror and just like look at your thing?
Sometimes.
Times.
Well you gotta do more than once.
No, I think once you see, once you get a lay of the land, you don't need to map it out anymore.
Frank avoids it.
My point is, I was worried about it, and then one day when my brother was a baby and I was changing his diaper, I saw the same one. We have matching ones. It's like it runs in the family.
Dude, you gotta check your dad now!
Yeah, you gotta check your pops.
Yeah, let's check your dad. Get your dad in here!
Get yellow in here and say, "Pull him down, yellow."
Put the bottom of your balls on the table.
We need to find out...
You should have like a family like male chat.
Where it's like you all get an idea of like what each other's balls are doing.
Just the bottom of the ball.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you don't need to like get into like dick.
Yeah, we don't need to get into that at all.
So I got rid of your hiccups?
You did, thank you for that. Wait, so he just like, you're standing up and he just goes, "Good."
No, no, I was laying down.
Oh, so he like took a look under the hood and he was just like, "Alright, carburetor's running."
Yeah, I mean, the woman told me to leave your underwear on, so I'm assuming like, alright, my penis doesn't have to be on guard. But then like, I was...
I wish, every doctor that I can recall going to in the last decade has told me to get completely naked under the gown. And I hate it. I hate every second of it, it is very compromising.
The doctor tells you like, dump it.
They just say like, "Please get completely naked."
Completely is hilarious.
Get fully.
Get completely 100%.
Just get completely fucking 100% naked.
110%.
Put on this gown, that's open in the back.
I'm just saying, I understand that like there's reasons for like why medical clothing and stuff is designed the way that it is. Maybe let's revisit it. It's like the paperclip, it's been designed the same way since the 1910s. We can look at it and try to find a new, more efficient way to go about doing this.
Yeah, I'm, yeah, I don't want to wear the paper.
I don't, I don't, I don't need...
Not comfortable.
Like, I don't need my ass to be in the wind.
That's another thing, like my butt's out here.
They should, medical, they should have more flaps and buttons.
Um, I'm into it.
Like if, if you-
Velcro? Bro, I love Velcro.
Brother, Velcro would be incredible.
Yeah, just like, if the whole thing was made of Velcro and it was kind of comfortable for me, you just rip open my Velcro, take a look at my ass, and I've been stapled that thing back on there.
Yes. How cool would it be if you go into the doctor and they give you like tear-away pants? Like they have in the movies and stuff like that?
Now we're talking.
I had a pair of those in like, middle school.
I did too.
And-
I wasn't strong enough back then to rip them off.
Oh, I was, and let me tell you.
You did it a lot?
They tore, they tore. They tore away.
Yeah?
Yeah, they, I got pantsed and like, basically like-
Have you ever been pantsed and your penis popped out?
Probably, but I can't remember it.
Have you?
No, but I've been in front of the person who has.
Their penis popped out at you?
Yeah, it popped out like that.
And you're like, "Oh!" That's what you did, you freak.
The, the-
That was terrifying for a second. I'm not gonna lie, that scared the shit out of me.
And you were like, because you said freak, and it, the F, and I was like, dude.
Whoa, no way!
Well, I, I don't know! This is all happening again now!
You should know!
That happened at the park once, so one of our friends got pantsed, and his, his penis came flying out. I don't wanna say his name.
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme a, like, something only you and I would know.
Um...
A keyword.
He lived across the street from the park. Still does.
I think you're gonna need a second hint.
How do you not know that?
Yeah, alright, I, I guess I don't. Oh!
Got it.
Oh!
His penis came out.
Was it?
Well, came out.
Was it a good showing?
Uh, no. Not that, not that like, I don't think that's like, fair.
No, it goes up there.
I don't, I don't think the doctor should be like, "Oh, this guy, you know, I wasn't ready, no I wasn't ready!"
Brother, dicks are like wrestlers, like, they need to warm up, and they need to do some air squats-
Bro, LeBron shows up at like, noon, the game isn't until eight, and he's the greatest. Like, you gotta give me some time to warm up.
The dick needs some preparation. It needs to know what it's getting into, where, what it's going, to do, what the goals are. And then it can perform appropriately.
I'll tell you this, one time I was at the doctor. This is a true story. This is years ago, right? I went to the doctor and he was checking my balls. And this is the first time that they've ever done this to me. I was probably, I don't even know, I was like in high school. And he's checking my balls and I like saw my penis retreat. Like I watched.
You watched it run back into its cave?
Yeah, like it was just kind of like, oh no. And I had never, and I still have never seen that. But that was the one time that I'm like, man, this is uncomfortable and cold. And like it just.
Homer Simpson in The Hedges?
Basically. Literally, and I was like, this is bad. Is this over? Cause get me out of here.
That sounds.
Dude, imagine being a doctor and just holding balls all day. Tough job.
I mean, I don't think they're like, they're there, they have the, you know, the thought process, like I'm doing this for a medical reason.
Of course.
They're not like.
But still you gotta hold balls.
We knew someone growing up, I don't know if you remember this, but that said specifically that they wanted to become a gynecologist.
First of all, all the kids we grew up with are fucking idiots. So I don't know how any of them would say that.
Even the smartest of our friends, me, would not be a gynecologist. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I don't, I don't know that, uh, we didn't have any doctors in our group.
There were no doctors, which is not surprising. Actually, it kind of is surprising.
What?
That none of our friends like, just by statistics, got into like doctorhood.
Doctorhood?
Maybe people we like grew up with, but weren't in our immediate friend group.
I'm closer to being a doctor than you.
What does that count for?
Nothing.
Alright.
It's just, it is, it is a, it is a stone cold hard.
Are you closer to being a doctor?
Technically, yes.
How?
I've gone to school.
What does that mean?
I've gotten... Before you go to med school, you need to get like a pre-med degree.
Yeah, but you don't have any knowledge of anything medical.
I have a good amount of medical knowledge.
I think if you-
Which class?
Health?
If you were to start asking me some stuff, I would probably be able to give you a roundabout-
That's not based in like-
Eh!
Academic, like, the credits you need.
What did you go to school for?
Uh, criminal justice.
I mean, there was some-
(laughing)
There was some, you know, there were some science courses we had to take in there.
You know Rigor Mortis? That's it?
I do know Rigor Mortis.
So the movie, the, the, the body stiffens?
Yes, it does. I mean, that's, that's something to know.
And I know that.
Well, now you know it because I taught you that.
I just said it to you!
I was the one that originally on this show taught you about alga-
Why are you saying "taught"?
Taught.
Am I hearing things?
Come on, don't spec- see, he's trying to throw me off because he knows I'm proving a great point here.
I'm not. You're saying, "I taught you that."
I did teach you that.
Now you're doing-
No, I'm not!
Now it's all that, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's talking like a baby.
"I taught you that."
You're saying "dat" now.
I know, I, I, it's just the way that it, from "you" to "dat" is coming out. "Taught you that."
That was better.
It was. It was. Thank you. I'm glad there's another person here now.
This is what he, don't, don't. This is what he tries to do.
Tell me, Dr. Alvarez, how close you are to being a doctor because you studied criminal justice.
I'm not saying that I am close in, like, rel- like, relatively speaking, but I am closer in relation to you.
What was the point of saying that?
Nothing. None. Zero point.
No, there is a point.
It's a show-
There is a point to saying that. And it's because you want to shit on me.
(laughing) Oh, well, duh.
And that's what's going on.
Yeah, 100%.
Here's what's gonna happen from now on, okay? If we're together-
Uh-oh. He's getting pissed.
If-
He's getting pissed.
No, no, let him go, let him go. If, if we're together, we're on a plane, we're in a restaurant, and someone goes down and people are like, "Is there a doctor in the house?" I'll say, "Hey, he's almost one."
He's only all of the credits away from being one.
I mean, I-
He took ma- remedial math in college-
I think-
And has a degree in criminal justice. Let him help out.
Excuse me, I took several courses of calculus.
He knows rigor mortis. If the guy dies, he knows what it is. Get him.
I took several courses in calculus, one. Two, first of all, in that situation, there will be a doctor about. There will be a healthcare professional somewhere there. If it ever got to like the lone survivor situation where it was like I was the closest thing to a doctor, I would try to do my best.
Are you familiar with lone survivor?
What's that? What's that? What was that? Designated survivor. Excuse me. Sorry.
Lone survivor is like Navy SEALs.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Designated survivor, I think is what I'm referencing here. Remember that show with Kiefer Sutherland, I think it was?
Well Frankie has played Call of Duty, so he's much closer to being a Navy SEAL than-
Oh, I, yeah. No, no, I've never said that. See, now you're taking, oh wow. He's trying to inflict stolen valor upon me and that's incredibly disrespectful to all the people that have served our country, which thank you for our service, by the way.
Oh man, you're a professional.
He said our service.
Thank you for our service.
I just, oof, sorry. He's a Navy SEAL, but he's a medic because he studied criminal just-
I mean, let me take a sip before I get the hiccups again.
Oh, sip break? That's new.
I think it's-
It's not a sip break.
It wasn't an organized thing, I don't think.
He took a sip, I took a sip.
Oh man, that was funny.
So, well, okay, I'm glad to hear-
Have you ever been in a situation where someone's went down and people need a doctor?
Yes, on the flight back from-
On the plane?
Yes.
In the air?
Ooh.
On our way, uh, leaving the Houston, uh, not Houston, sorry, uh, the Austin shows, uh, last year, in 2024. We were taking off and then all of a sudden, as we're like climbing, I see people running back.
Oh no.
And I'm like, fuck. Like, like, running back like-
What was your thought? Like, oh, the flight attendants are doing this?
Yeah, and I'm looking back like, fuck. And then I, and then- And then I look over and they like, like, go like this till like, there was a, there was a woman in our, our aisle. They come up to her and they poke her on the back and they go, you know, I can't hear them because we're climbing. I have my headphones in and then I like look in the aisle and there's someone laying flat in the aisle.
Oh my god.
And I'm like, fuck.
So they, they announce on the, uh.
Be honest, did a part of you go, okay, it's not the engine, thank god?
Yes, of course.
Yeah, and we were leaving Texas and it was an old white man. There was a part of me that was just saying like, you know.
Whoa dude.
Maybe he.
What were you gonna say, maybe he deserved it? Okay, Josh?
No, no, no, so, so we're flying and then they go, oh, go ahead.
I think he's just preparing.
We're debating whether to cut the.
Well, we're, we're in the air and they, over the loudspeaker like, uh, we have a medical emergency. We're gonna have to land in Houston and I was pissed because you know how much I hate Houston. So we landed and we had, we had a D board and we were there for three hours.
And then we got back on and they said, um, uh, there was a medical emergency. A man while we were climbing had lost conscience, a consciousness and they couldn't get a, like a read on his pulse.
And, um, finally like, once they were like, once they were back up, they got him back too. Uh, but then they were like, we have to land at Houston and he has to go to the hospital because like, we're not, you know, God forbid this were to happen again while we were, you know, in the air. It was fucking scary. And then like, the person that helped him, the medical, like, healthcare professional that helped him. Everyone like, we gave like a round of applause, they got like a complimentary seat in first class.
How did they know that this person was a doctor?
I don't know.
Do you have to like announce yourself?
I don't know, I don't know if they had like said something before, I don't know, like, I don't think like you report, self-report that. When you like.
I mean, it would make sense, like maybe if it's on like your boarding pass, like if you can like opt into being like, by the way, my doctor.
Yeah, like when you book your, yeah, if you book your, your, like when you book your flight, if you're just like, by the way, I'm like, you check a box or something, but.
That's terrifying.
Bro, I was scared.
And I, you know, the guy like seemingly from like when he was leaving, he was conscious, he seemed okay, but.
Was he an old bag?
Yeah, yeah, he was an old, he was an older man.
Like extremely?
Um. I'm not a good judge of character.
White hair bag?
Yeah, all white hair.
Oh, okay, yeah.
I would say in his seventies, at least. You know, but he seemed to be in good spirit, like he gave the thumbs up when he was being wheeled out, like, so it seemed like he was okay. Which, good, but like, also.
Like when a player tears their ACL.
I'm good. Yeah. Yeah.
Damn, that's terrifying, dude.
Bro, that shit was scary. And you know how I am on flights, too, so like, I see that, and I'm just like, oh, fuck.
Do you know, on, on other people's lives, we talked to a flight attendant and they told us that, cause we, they, they kind of talked to us about a lot of things that you don't realize with flight attendants and airplanes and whatever. And then we kind of asked the question of, what happens if someone dies on an airplane? Cause you have to assume that it's happened. Or it happens every year, I'm, I'm assuming.
I think I know this.
And they just put a blanket over you.
What the fuck, dude?
Cause they have nowhere to put you. Were they gonna, were they gonna put you in the bathroom?
And to, to my knowledge, like, the, the, like, weight distribution and, you know, stuff like that in the plane is very important, so like...
I don't know if one person's gonna throw off the balance, but like, they just put a fucking thing over you and you're just...
That is banan- bro, if I was sitting, I mean, I, I would imagine that the airline would compensate the people sitting next to or near that person.
Sure.
Uh, but, for that flight, too.
Oh my god, if I gotta fly next to a dead body...
Oh, I'm, I'm getting every, I'm getting fr- fr- fr- a hundred thousand miles for free. Are you kidding me? I am riding that to the bank.
Yeah. I, I got upgraded on a flight recently, and they put me in first class, but they put me in the seat that, uh, that like, other pilots get, when you can like, close it.
Oh, what? I didn't know that.
Yeah, you, you never seen that?
Like, if you've seen people, like, pilots sometimes on planes, they like, well, they're flying back to wherever, so they get on the plane to go home. And they put them in a seat that, like, has a sheet, not a sheet, but like, a...
Curtain.
It's kind of like, yeah, like a curtain, essentially, but it like, locks on either side, so you're kind of like, no one comes near you at all.
Hmm.
And I was in that seat, and I was like, two, I was like, I probably should shut this, but I didn't, cause I was afraid that I would get in trouble.
Yeah, I, I've not really gotten, the only time I've ever gotten like, something like that is when, where were we going? I think it was when we were flying to Columbus? Um, they, they said like, oh, it's a husband and wife. They want to sit next to each other. Do you mind switching with them? And I was like, yeah, sure. No, no problem. And then they were just like, we're giving you free credits. We're giving you the, and I was like, that's very nice, but you know how I am on planes. I get in my seat. I try not to move unless I have to pee because someone made me drink a bunch of mimosas.
First of all, you're the mimosa whore.
I'm not a mimosa whore.
You, you've literally started that twice.
On, I think on the way to.
Puerto Rico, that was completely your fault.
I think Puerto Rico, I started it, but on the way.
It was you and then the, the, the fucking flight attendant was an enabler.
Uh, uh, yeah. And I think on the way to Texas, you started it.
Texas.
When we went for South by Southwest.
Yeah, maybe.
I think that was you.
Probably.
Because.
Puerto Rico was bad though. We landed.
Yeah, we did. We did.
That was a lot. I think we had like seven on the plane. That's terrible. That's honestly bad flight attending.
No, I think that's great flight attending. That's a, that's an incredible.
You gotta cut some people off every once in a while.
I mean, but we weren't being loud or stupid or.
No, we're being very quiet. You were listening to Creed.
I was listening to Creed.
I was taking pictures of you.
Listening to Creed. Yes.
That was the extent of our flight.
Yeah. And then we got there and we, what did we do that first day? We went to dinner?
I know that we, we actually.
Oh, we got a tour, a walking tour of Puerto Rico, of Old San Juan.
And then we went to, uh, what's that place called? La Faktoria. And then we got a drink there, I believe. Remember the, the place that?
Oh, the like oldest, one of the oldest bars in the world or something like that.
And then we did go to a, a liquor store.
And we bought a whole bottle of rum.
What the fuck's your phone doing?
My phone just spoke something to me.
First of all, tell your phone that we're fucking recording an episode of the basement yard.
You're making him mad.
Let's get to the ads by the way.
What do I, what the fuck do I do now?
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What are you doing?
Yeah. Seems like yesterday it was a Saturday morning.
What's going on?
Was that you?
Was that you on the recording too?
Can I, can I hold on to that? So I can hold it into this mic?
I don't want it to get dinged. I'll, I'll do it. I got it over here.
Just make sure you hold it up to the mic, cause I, I can't.
I got it. I don't want it to get dinged.
So this is both of you?
I'm starting it over. Come on, guys. Grow up.
Yeah. What, what, what, what should I call this in the notes?
This is my, this is my tribute. That's what you could say that is, alright?
Tribute, okay.
Okay, here we go.
Seems like yesterday it was a Saturday morning. I was five and trying to escape the boring. Fox Kids, turn it on the TV right now. Bright and colorful suits, wow. Megazords mean so much to me. Cool weapons and teamwork so in touch with me. Even though you're gone, I'm still a Ranger. Forever with Zord, I'll never become a stranger. Open up Command Center, after your place. Heavenly legacy unearthed in space. Forty Morphin, Zeo Turbo 2 in space, lost galaxy, you know I love you. Every kiya you make. Every...
Alright, let me start the chorus again. Every kiya you make. Every yah you take. Every monster you make, every... It's Morphin time! You say I'll be missing you.
Thinking of the days...
There's more, there's more.
Where we would wake up and play. Every kiya you make, every yah you take. I'll be missing you. Listen, I don't know if you guys know this.
I'm just a passenger here. I'm just a passenger.
That was your tribute? Yep.
Super Sentai, which was the Japanese program that ran for 50 years, that the footage was used for Power Rangers for decades, has come to an end in Japan, and I want to send my condolences to the Super Sentai family.
You've given us so much, and, uh,
we're doing a seven Kyaa! salute to you.
Kyaa!
Are you gonna do seven?
Hyaa!
Kyaa! Raah!
What'd you write down?
I wrote down Frankie tribute dash Power Rangers, uh, not a single note was on beat.
Frank, what do you think the beat to that song usually is, by the way?
Is that "I'll Be Missing You"?
That doesn't sound like "I'll Be Missing You".
Really? That's what it sounds like to me.
Well.
Um, in preparation for this, I, I listened to the instrumental.
Um, and, uh, you know, just wanted to write something to represent, uh, you know, the, the decades
of just joy.
Power Rangers.
And entertainment.
Are you upset?
That the, well, the Power Rangers brand is still alive, let's make that very clear. Um, I believe that it's actually under the control of Disney and, um...
It's in good hands.
Oh, well, you can make the argument. They're trying to revive it, uh, and, uh, but Super Sentai, which is what the footage was used... Have you ever watched those old, like, Mighty Morphin? Jokes aside, guys, come on. If you, uh, let's get serious.
If you ever watched Mighty Morphin, like, all like the footage of them, like, the monsters and them in the suits, that's archived footage from the Japan show, from like, the like eighties or something like that.
Oh, okay.
So...
And then they just do, they have like the Americans?
The American teenagers with attitude, you know?
And, uh, you know, uh, they-
Didn't one of them kill somebody?
Uh, you know, I don't know.
I think one of them killed.
I, I know that like, uh, the original, um, Yellow Ranger, she had passed away, like, very young, in a car accident, I believe.
Ugh.
But, I think one of them did porn, I think I saw that.
Porn?
Yeah, like, one, like, one of the Red Rangers or something, did like a little like-
Ricardo Medina Jr.?
Who's that?
Ex-Power Ranger, sentenced to six years, killing his roommate.
Yeah, he killed, man.
Really? What does he look like? Is that Rocky? It might be Rocky.
Who the fuck is Rocky?
One of the Power Rangers, dude.
What color?
Uh, red, I think he was also blue at a certain point, but-
I think I saw a couple Power Rangers boxed, not that many years ago.
During the boxing craze?
I think two, uh, ex-Power Rangers boxed-
Well, a lot, a lot of them were like legitimate martial artists.
How much to get you to box somebody?
Who?
Like, I, I don't know, like a random YouTuber or some shit?
It would, it would depend on who it is. Like, cause if it's someone that I know I'm gonna get my ass whooped-
Well, what if it was someone that you're like, like, I'm not afraid of this person, but I'm gonna have my workout, like, I have to work at it, you know?
Like-
Like an e, like a sort of an even match?
I'm trying to think who would be like, uh, even match for me. Cause I'm pretty strong. Um-
Who would be your match?
I have no idea.
Markiplier. That's who you would, that's who, that's, I think that's an even match for you.
I actually don't even know what he looks, I mean, I know what he looks like, but I don't know like how tall or big he is.
I don't know how tall or big he is either, that's a good question, you might wanna look that up.
I mean, we're not, this is about you!
He's 5'10"
Is he 5'10"?
Alright, so then you're only 5 inches shorter than him, like it would be fun. Um, I would say, you're not gonna know who this is.
Someone Frankie can box.
I think you'll know who this person is. Scott the Waz.
You're right, I have no idea who that is.
He's like a video game, uh, uh...
Reviewer?
He talks like video games, and does like video essays and stuff like that.
Are you a similar size?
Uh, I think he's smaller than me, but I just, I-
You're not boxing this guy.
Is he in a pipsqueak?
You wanna see Scott the Waz?
I'm not even, I'm saying comparatively to Frank.
No disrespect to Scott the Waz, I love his stuff, but...
Frank? This looks like Keith. Keith can box you.
It does kinda look, uh, but how tall is he? Let's get, let's get a tale of the tape.
The tall is not the issue, it's the, it's the weight classes.
Let's get a tale of the tape on Scott the Waz.
I mean, he doesn't look small.
Uh... Okay. 5'5". So-
So then what, YouTube-
He's not 5'5", is he?
I don't-
First of all, the question is, does Scott the Waz have scoliosis? Who are you picking, Frank?
Oh, I didn't know that.
5'7".
He's 5'7".
So you should box him.
Frank, no.
Uh, I mean, how tall is Mr. Beast?
He's tall.
But that's a good an- like, that's probably what you would do.
I don't think we're gonna be able to get Mr. Beast.
No, no, I, well this is hypothetical.
No, I mean, we're not, we're definitely not Mr. Beast.
Holy shit, he's 6'5"?
What the fuck?
No, he's probably 6'3".
No fucking way!
He's tall, dude. He is.
I would say 6'3".
Bro, if, if Mr. Beast is 6'5",
But let's say hypothetically, right, they were like, "Yo, we want you to box Mr. Beast."
Just before we do that, do you appreciate this?
Yep.
But if they were like, "Yo, you're gonna box Mr. Beast", how much money would you need? Cause you're boxing Mr. Beast, you gotta do it.
I mean, it's Mr. Beast, I'm asking for a couple, I'm saying at least a mil.
But he's not paying you.
Why not?
Why would he pay you? He's boxing.
Oh, well, who's putting it on? If, if, they gotta pay for Mr. Beast, so that I'm going to ask him to also pay for me.
Yeah, but, but they're gonna negotiate, he's gonna negotiate and get most of the perks.
So what's Mr. Beast getting? He's getting a couple mil.
Frank, I'm asking what's okay for you.
I know, I need to know in relation to what Mr. Beast is getting, I need to be somewhere that, obviously, I'm not at Mr. Beast level.
But it's not about that. It's about, you guys are coming in separately, so you have to get enough that it would be like...
I think you should just box him for free.
Well, that would actually...
Boxing Mr. Beast.
I would say, honestly, realistically, a hundred thousand dollars.
I think that's fair.
We could get you in the ring with Mr. Beast for a hundred Gs.
Yeah, I mean, at 6'5", though, he's beating the brakes off me, probably.
I mean, he's not like a big dude. He's like 6'5", but he's kinda...
My guy's 6'5", like, 5 inches in that world.
Yeah, but you got a lot of power.
I do. Thank you for saying that. Ahhh, I'm trying to think of other YouTubers.
I, I don't know.
You know who you could... Who's the guy from, uh, from Smosh? Shane?
Shane?
Shane. Joey versus Shane would be an incredible matchup.
Boxing?
Joey's took boxing.
How big is Shane?
Uh, he's like, I think he's around your height.
And, but he's, he's kinda, he's kinda yoked.
Is he?
Oh, yeah.
5'7"?
No, he's a couple inches shorter than you.
I'm gonna drag him around the ring then.
He's also very nice, so you might be able to, like, guilt him into, like...
Yeah, I could probably gaslight him. He's got big arms, look at him.
Dude, he's not, he's not small.
That's quite the photo, Shane.
He's got, he's got some power.
That's, that's, that's, what an incredible headshot. No disrespect.
Does the last name Top?
Oh, yeah, this dude is kinda yoked.
Is that real? Yeah, no, he wore this. I saw this skit.
What is that? Is that a shirt?
I don't know what it is.
Dude could, but we don't know, we don't know, we don't know if he grew up on the streets of Astoria, New York, like you.
True, yeah.
So, and...
I got a little bit of an animal in me.
And you, you got a big an animal in you.
Would you fight, like, maybe a, what's his name? Dan Hurley? The...
The...
The creator of Hurley?
No, no, like, bacon, bacon on everything. The food, Mr. Food?
Epic Meal Time?
Epic Meal Time, that guy.
Harley?
That guy would beat the shit out of me.
Harley, I know Harley. He's tall and big. He's huge.
Yeah, he'd probably whoop my ass.
Alright, maybe not him.
What about?
He's a big guy.
I'm trying to think of other like-
I was starting to just fight him!
I dunno. Look up just Google "popular YouTubers" and let's go from there.
You wanna start that? Alright.
I'm not saying I would beat these people up, but like, in a like, organized boxing situation. See, it's tough because I watch a lot of like, I don't watch a lot of YouTube, but like, the stuff I do listen to is like, movie video game content.
Oh, you know who Joey would do good in a, in a fight with? In a boxing match with? Matt Pat.
You know Matt Pat, right Ant?
Game Theory?
Trying to find, I dunno if we could just get like, a bunch of famous YouTuber pictures here.
I mean, we know that the, both Paul brothers would mop the floor with us.
At this point?
Like, it wouldn't even be fun.
Fight Ryan from Ryan's World.
Is that a child?
That's a child.
That was a child, yes.
It's a child.
That was a child? Are they dead?
He's gotta be older now, no. He's like-
I thought he was dead!
No. He's gotta be older now.
Casey Neistat?
Oof. Yeah, that dude runs like, 10 miles a day. That'd be a tough one.
I dunno.
I dunno if I could just find pictures here, take a little bit-
See, that was just, we're going all over the place.
I would just beat on his ribs.
Rib shots. Oh, like, you're like, you said he didn't wa-
I'm gonna talk about this and now you're fully telling us how you would go about beating these people.
This is never gonna happen, Casey, you know?
Also, he's not gonna gas. Yeah, this is never gonna happen, MSG.
Yeah, we've said that before, yeah.
Well, I have no interest in fighting anybody. Not gonna break my nose.
Would, if they paid for you and I to fight?
Me versus you?
I would, god, how much money I would pay to see it.
I wouldn't do it.
What's with, what's with that?
I just wanna see it.
You wanna see the world burn?
You, back in the day.
How about 2 on 1, we beat the shit out of you, how's that?
When we were teenagers, there were kids in our neighborhood that would bring boxing gloves to the park and like, we would have like, boxing match, I mean, you know, they were the dumbest things in the world.
I definitely got my bell ringing before, at one of those.
There was a kid in our neighborhood that had quick hands, Mikey.
That's the one who fucked me up, dude.
He fucking hit me in the stomach once and fucking ruined my day.
Dude, this kid was smaller than me and I was like, I'm gonna fuck him up.
Lightning quick.
And I like jabbed him and I was like, this is gonna be embarrassing. And then he hit me two times in the side of the head and I was like, hold on, I'm dizzy. I literally had to stop and be like, oh fuck.
Speed kills.
Yeah dude.
Yeah, he, he'd beat the brakes off us.
That's so funny. Can't even remember that.
Yeah, dude.
That's great.
He, I remember in PS2, in the park, there were like, a couple people did matches and I like, didn't wanna do it and they were just like, come on, it's Mikey. I was like, alright, and then he fucking.
Sa sa sa, sa sa sa.
Yo, he was, he was quick, dude.
That's so funny. Have you ever boxed?
I put gloves on, but.
I'm shocked this isn't something you and your boys haven't done.
Wait, we, you've put gloves on?
We all, I watched them all box in the basement. Chaz versus Danny, one time.
Oof, Danny probably.
I think Chaz hit him so hard in the stomach, he immediately had to go take a shit and it was over.
See, that happens to me too.
Like, if I get punched in the stomach, or like, I get nervous, I gotta dump.
Huh.
I think it's just like a, I don't know, like it like contracts, I don't know.
We are completely getting off of topic here.
What was the topic?
My, my, my loving, beautiful tribute.
To the Power Rangers. I think that was-
How much can you possibly say about-
I mean, so much. And I do think that the wordplay was incredible here.
We know you think that.
Seems like yesterday, it was just Saturday morning. I was five, trying to escape the boring.
You just woke up on a Saturday morning and you're bored?
Well, I wanted to escape the boring. So like, Saturday morning kids cartoons, you know? Megazords mean so much to me.
Still.
Cool Weapons teamwork, so in touch with me.
Me with me?
Well, much to me, touch to me, touch with me. Like, it works because of the much and the touch.
Yes, crazy.
You know?
The touch means so much to you?
Open up the command center, enter your place.
Whoa, dude?
That's sexual.
Is it?
If you're, uh, yeah.
I don't think so. Heavenly legacy on Earth and in space. That is, it's true.
Where's the wordplay? These are just words.
Mighty Morphin, Zeo, Turbo 2, In Space, Lost Galaxy, you know I love you.
I don't even know what that meant.
Well, those are all different seasons, in order, actually, which is kind of impressive. Actually, I think, uh, I left that Lightspeed Rescue in there. But, still nonetheless, pretty impressive.
The much touch.
Um, you know, and then every "Kya!"
Just incre- I mean, listen, I-
What would you say your love language is?
I'm coming over there, too, so...
You're coming on him?
No, no, no.
Oh, god!
I bet I'm gonna swing to you!
I'm gonna write a song about- you're gonna swing with him?
Oh, shit!
My love language? Um... I would say it's, uh...
Physical touch and words of affirmation.
You like words.
I do like words.
Nice.
They're reassuring to me.
And I like to be reassured, because sometimes, you need it. I need it. But definitely, like...
Love and, you know, hugs and kisses and affection and stuff like that.
I also like, you know, acts of service.
Well, you can't just pick all of them.
I'm, but like, I can't pick one.
No, I mean, how many do you get?
If you were to give me-
Well, what's your main one?
I would say, if you were to give me out of a hundred percent, I would say I'm forty percent physical touch.
You just said that was your most.
If you- can you just listen to me, please?
Well, if they break down- if the other ones are broken down thirty, then-
Thank you so much!
And then 20, 20, 20. This fucking guy.
Me?
You know, why, why, like, why, why, why?
I wanna look them up right now.
Alright. Well, I mean, you know, you could have the person that is their job to do that.
I know, and as soon as I picked up my laptop, I realized that, and I was like, I'm already here.
And do it first, do it first, do it first.
Go ahead, put up love languages.
What are the love languages?
What's your love language?
We just went from talking about boxing, Scott the Waz.
Oh, they said that. They're saying there's five.
Five?
Click.
What are the five love languages?
Wait, it's up there. Scroll, oh no, da, da, da, da, da, da.
Alright, it tells you.
Here we go.
Acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch.
If you had to rank them, what's your number one?
Physical touch is a big one for me. I am very affectionate with, with Becca, with, you know, the kids. Obviously, like, with the kids, if they, like, don't want it, I don't, well, with Becca too. Let me make that very clear.
Let me make that very clear.
The kids, if they don't want it, that's fine. Becca. Sorry, Charlie.
I would say physical touch is, is my, like, big one.
And then you said words of affirmation.
Words of affirmation, uh...
Acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts. But I love gifts.
Love gifts, so that shows you how I feel about all the other stuff.
You love getting gifts?
I do. So much.
Do you think that's an appropriate way to receive love?
I'm not saying it's my main one. That's why I put it at the bottom.
I'm saying, like, when you get them, you're like, oh, that makes me feel like this person loves me.
I think that in addition to all those, I think if it was just the only thing that someone was using, no.
But in addition to these other things that are also, these other boxes that are being checked, I think it's, it's a nice, cause it's thoughtful. It's, you know, it's going out of someone's way sometimes in order to get something, and then the monetary aspect of it. I do like it. Quite a bit. Was, I, I, I think I know yours. Can I guess what yours would be?
Let's see what you got first.
We're ranking them?
Just, yeah, in an order.
Do it, give a top five.
I don't know. I, I like receiving gifts, to, to clarify. Is it giving as well?
Are you familiar with the word receiving?
I know, but like...
Yes, I would say what you're asking is yes.
You know what I mean?
I don't think so.
I feel like mine would be like giving.
Like giving gifts.
Same, exactly.
So that's the way that you receive love, is giving gifts?
No, no, that's not what I'm s- like, I didn't know if these were outward or inward.
But these are obviously, like, they have to, this is how you-
Okay, so this is inward.
But this goes two ways.
It's your language.
This goes two ways because I love giving physical touch and getting physical touch.
Yeah, but your language, I always thought it was just, well, now, now I'm recalibrating. I would put gifts then at the bottom.
I think, uh, acts of service at the top, quality time.
Wait, hold on, hold on. Acts of service is number one.
Quality time is number two.
Physical touch, uh, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts. I don't care to receive gifts. I like giving.
I do too, but I do like receiving gifts as well.
I love gifts. I'm not putting that out there. Love gifts. For me, they're, you love gifts.
I mean, you're not getting anything from us now, bitch.
Fuck you.
Love gifts.
When's your birthday?
It's past.
It just passed, brother.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We had a whole thing on here for him.
I know.
Okay, we'll kiss later. Uh, what's yours?
I think I know Joey's.
Go ahead.
Joey's is, uh, quality time.
That is my number one.
Acts of service.
Words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts.
I wouldn't say that. I would say that's close.
I don't have, gifts, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a, words of affirmation, they're just words. I don't give a fuck.
No, I do like words of affirmation. That's kind of where I think you got it wrong, is that I do like quality time and then probably words of affirmation, then acts of service, what's left? Oh, no, no, no, sorry, no, no, no. So, quality time, ooh, nah, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts.
I think.
I mean, we all put gifts at the bottom, but I do think that, like, I, it, I like receiving gifts, but I also, like, since it's a thing that I like, I like to do it- Yeah, more. Like, that's why what he was saying before, like, to me, it goes both ways. So like, I love physical touch. I like to receive it. I also love to give it. You know what I mean?
Yeah, but it's, but it's not, it's not how you show love.
Yes, it is. A love lang- a language, if you think of the term language, it's, it's something that is
It says ways which we would prefer to be shown love. Like, so how, like, how do you receive it?
Yeah, but who said that?
Vag, vagdivi.
Yeah, and then you see at the end there, where they have like a little thing.
I know, I'm not, I'm not saying that they're wrong.
Licensed professional psychologist.
Alright, I mean, I always interpreted it as like, it's something that you enjoy, so you also try to give it out, you know, like.
Yeah, I think that kind of goes with that. I mean, it's a love language. They're all like positive things in some way, but it's just how you, like, I don't really have a lot of, uh, attachment to like, physical things. That's why, you know, we're very different in like, you save every card that you have and like, you know, you collect a lot of stuff, like, I, I don't really have a lot of that. I think that there are certain things that I'll hold on to and that, you know, I have meaning in, but like, the gifts thing, I, if I, if I didn't receive gifts, it wouldn't, it really, I really wouldn't waver at all, as long as the rest of the stuff was there, was there.
But I do think that receiving gifts, like, in my opinion, all of these things kind of are supposed to work in tandem, and receiving gifts is, in theory, an act of service.
And like, a, not a word of affirmation, but it is an item of affirmation, because there is so much more that goes behind the physical item. It could be a fucking, it could be a nu- like, it could be a, a rock, you know, but it's just like, I saw it, I thought of you, like, there's more behind the gift than just that, what the actuality of what it is.
Well, receiving gifts is not an act of service. Act of service is like, taking something that you don't want to do and they're doing it, or like a chore that you don't do that they always do or something. It's not, I don't think it's, act of service is not gifts.
I mean, in this, they like, uh, obviously, they differentiate, so I would assume they're different.
Well,
What's a word of affirmation?
Just like, I love you.
I love you.
Yeah, just,
You're incredible. You, you mean so much to me.
Positive affirmation.
Yeah. Not like, negative affirmation.
What's a negative affirmation?
Just like, you fucking suck, but I'm gonna keep you around.
It's gonna be positive. What are you, what are you puzzling? You, you look puzzled.
It's just interesting, so I feel like, do you need words of affirmation and receiving gifts at that point with the other three?
Um, I think that it would be nice to hear, I think, it just, these are all supposed to be positive things, obviously. It's just where, some people like to be reassured and it's like, I like hearing it all the time. You know, and it's not that I dislike hearing, you know, words of affirmation. It's just I hold the other stuff in a higher regard than I would that. So, but without one of these completely, aside from gifts, I think that I could, you know, live without that completely. But, the other stuff, if you took one of them away, I think it would be like detrimental, like the dominoes would fall.
Well, there are some people that are very, like, they don't like physical touch, you know?
Yeah, there are some people.
There are some people that like, for, like, acts of service, they're like, no, like, I got it, let me do it, like, you don't need to do it, let me be in service to you. So, everyone's different, every ass has a seat, boys, that's what I learned.
Where'd you learn that?
My father.
Don't forget Frank, every asshole has a seat.
I, uh, yeah, yeah, that's basically how, not asshole, but like, Frank, listen, well, you know what they say? Every ass has a fucking seat. Every ass sits down somewhere.
Do you think that's true? Do you think there's enough chair? Yeah, there's gotta be.
Every ass has a seat.
There's enough chairs in the world to sit everybody, right?
Maybe not chairs, but enough things to sit on.
Goddamn, that was sexual, that was crazy.
Yeah, you're talking about penises.
Nah, I'm saying every ass has a seat and Ant's just like.
I mean, like, is a.
Every ass has a face.
Is a, is a five-seater couch one?
Every ass has a face?
That's what he said.
I don't even think that's true.
Like, cause every ass has a seat, cause you sit in a seat?
And he's saying.
Oh, sit on my face, thanks, yeah.
Does a couch count as five chairs? Or one chair?
It's not a chair, it's a couch.
That's right.
So now, so now couches aren't chairs, we're talking about chairs.
Well, if we're getting into like polygamy, then it's like every ass has a whole fucking room of couches.
No one was getting into.
No, my, my reference was just couch versus chair, I wasn't talking about.
See, why do you need to break it down like that? And also, fuck the Mets, how about that? Why do you wear that hat around us?
Jesus Christ.
Supposed to be words of affirmation here.
Yeah, I'm not giving you any.
How do you think you show love?
Uh, in the ways that I like to receive it.
Got him.
That wasn't a gotcha. I was asking out of curiosity.
I got him so good. No, I, I, I think that the ways in which I like to receive them, I show and then partnering that with what Becca's love language is, I, you know, because it's meaningful to her, I show attention to whatever her hierarchy of needs are.
In terms of a relationship. You know, love language wise.
Mm-hmm. Who put the heart on your hat, by the way?
It's Hakeem.
Oh, really?
Wait, no, no, no, on the brim?
Yeah, it's Hakeem.
Oh, it looked like someone just put like a piece of chalk.
No, it's nice, right?
I like it. Is it for like, what's it for?
I got it for Valentine's Day.
Yeah. It's nice. You wanna see it?
I can see it.
Oh, well.
You're right there.
That was rude.
How is that rude?
You're supposed to say yeah and then see it.
That's what I'm supposed to do?
See it.
Looks like it feels nice.
Just be careful with it.
There you go. Good catch.
Thanks, baby. Um.
Damn, you aggressively put your hat.
You smacked that on your head.
I, uh, I brought something because, uh, you guys talk a lot of shit recently. Do you have to get to the ads?
Get to the ads and then I'll, I'll tell you about some of them.
I brought something?
I brought something because you guys talk a lot of shit. Get to the ads.
We have some.
Whoa, I almost threw my computer on the ground.
Throw it, bitch.
Guys, we have some, oh, I forgot about this.
Damn, I called him a bitch.
Oh, you did?
That's the first one, I think, all year.
I have two tallies down. I don't know. I trust past me.
No, because I called you a bitch.
How many do I have?
You have nine.
That's not good.
I trust past me, you have two, but now you have four.
Wait, what?
I don't know. The bitches feel like they should be worth double.
It's just a feeling he has. Yeah. As the game master. Um, alright, so we do have some more sponsors here. We have Warby Parker, okay? Warby Parker, they make glasses, okay? Uh, glasses, these are very important. Look at Dan over there, he's got a pair on right there, okay? There's sometimes it's your first impression, alright? It's what people are gonna notice about your face, and if you need a pair of glasses, you're gonna wanna go to Warby Parker, okay? I go to Warby Parker, I get my glasses. Been going there for years and now they're a sponsor on the show, it's... I love when that happens, honestly. Um, but they're on your face every single day, uh, so the decision actually matters. So, um, you know, the best part about Warby Parker is they have high-quality glasses, a bunch of different styles to choose from, and their prescription glasses start at
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Beautiful, love it.
So as I was saying, you guys talked major shit on one of our recent episodes, so I decided to bring you some matcha to make you.
You're gonna make matcha?
I'm gonna make you matcha, yeah.
Doesn't that require hot water?
Yeah, what do you think I got here?
Oh, that's hot water?
Yeah, baby. I come prepped and ready. Oh yeah, and it's still pretty good.
Put your hand on it.
Take a sip.
Don't. Wait, no, no, not actually, because then...
You're gonna backlash.
Yeah, you're gonna backlash.
So I got some matcha, so you'll have to start the prayer.
What's it? What's up?
Look at it, look at how, look at how beautiful this is, because you guys talk so much shit, and I hated it. Look at how beautiful and green that is.
It's so green, I actually love that green.
That's so green, right? Can you get a, can you get a, can you get a? Can you look at that?
We can see it.
I'm just gonna do a little this.
That's all you need?
That's all you need, baby. It's not much.
Five little dustings?
Well, it's a good amount of dustings in there. There's a little...
I'm gonna be honest, too. You know I'm gonna be honest.
I know you're gonna, that's what I'm hoping for here.
You know, and I got my little whiz.
So does that, does that container last you 40 years if you only need that much matcha?
No, it's not. And then you go like this, and you, look at, look at that. Look at how green that is.
That's green, baby.
That'll get you going.
It looks like pesto, kind of.
Could we do some ASMR to the mic, maybe?
Actually, don't do that.
No. Not nice.
Then you're supposed to add a little more, and you're supposed to get it really going.
How often do you do this?
Like, make it?
Every couple days. I don't like make it every day.
Doesn't having to do this whole process just make you go, "I don't, I don't want it"?
Oh, why would it do that? It's a nice little like me thing, you know? It's a moment for me.
What's so funny?
The way that you're doing it. Why are you doing it so hard?
You're supposed to do that, to froth it up.
Oh, you gotta like do it mad hard?
Not feeling any love.
Yeah, I'm not, this doesn't feel ceremonial.
I'm not getting a good, I'm not getting a good froth on this, but...
Maybe because you added- I feel like he's been out the game. He hasn't done that. Um, also, I'm gonna come out and say it, that thing that the whisk was on looks like something else.
Like a booty hole plug?
Yep. Am I supposed to drink this?
Yeah. Come on.
Oh, right from the-
Right from the bowl, baby. That's all you got, and that's a handmade bowl, too.
Who made it? You made it?
I made that bitch.
Did you?
Where?
I went to pottery. Threw some mud with Becca. My name's on the bottom.
Hell yeah.
That's cool.
Frank A. Sea Foam.
That's the color.
Did you paint it, too?
I did the glaze. Well, like, I picked the color, they did the glaze.
Give it a shot. You gotta. That's what it's supposed to be.
It so stinks, though.
It's so good stinky.
No, it stinks bad.
It stinks so good.
It's very green.
That's what it's supposed to be.
I'm not complaining, I'm just making a knob.
Just give it a, just give it a swirl, whirl, bang, and hurl.
How do I do that?
Right?
It is barely anything but water.
It's like, do you wanna try it? I'm not gonna drink it after you, sick boy.
Oh, let me try it first, then, before-
Let me try it first.
Let me get a cup, let me get a cup. Here, try it.
You say it's barely anything.
Well, I mean, you're, you're making it seem like I'm gonna-
Oh no, it's delicious!
Yeah, like-
What are you talking about, idiot?
But you're making- You're making it seem like that's supposed to be, like, that's so different than any other matcha I've ever had.
Well, yeah, because you're probably having not great quality matcha.
No, I'm sa- I'm saying that's similar. He gave you all of it.
Try that, baby. It's good. It'll get you there.
It's really tasty.
You don't sound too happy, eh?
Give it a slam. Come on and slam. If you wanna jam! Come on in!
Try it.
What does it smell like to you?
It smells like a worm.
It does smell like a worm, but like, it's-
It's like grass and like-
It's wormy.
Steamed vegetables, I get.
Steamed vegetables isn't bad. Try that.
Why are you, are you a cartoon character?
Are you drinking like a hummingbird?
Why are you drinking like Doug Funny?
I'm actually liking it right now.
Got him. Got him, so good.
It could be because I can't really taste well because my nose is stuffed.
Well, fuck you, hold on.
Don't hate it just to hate it. I mean, I don't like it. I would never.
That's, that's, I mean, if you don't like it, whatever, I don't care.
Yeah, we all don't believe that.
But it's just like, it's a nice little pop of green-
I feel like I'm breathing dirt now.
Yeah, like, I'm breathing it.
Smell this. Like, open it and smell it. Just throw it. That's easier.
The taste is much better than how that currently smelt, and I think that's what's helping.
Like, it smelt awful.
Yeah. Oh, it tasted better than it smelled.
Yeah, and that's helping.
Take the little, yeah, take that off. I kept it on there.
Whoa, it's foaming.
Well, it's like a potion. You see it coming up?
Yeah, like, I feel like, am I being, like, I'm gonna pass out?
You'd be a horrible witch.
I would be a great fucking witch.
Shut the fuck up, I'd be great!
You wouldn't be a good witch.
Dude.
Toil-toil!
That's a caricature of witches and that's offensive.
Oh alright, so I'd just be like a cool like hipster from fucking, you know, like lights candles and enjoys sage?
What does that smell like?
I need to try this again when I'm at a hundred percent.
I'll bring you a watch all day, baby.
This smells like something.
I mean, it's like, it's like steamed vegetables. That's kinda what you get. Brothy, like a broth.
I could smell a broth, but like if there was a raw leg in it.
Well, come on.
I mean, how would that-
This smells like, like a, um...
Like a white person's ear.
See now, how do we even get there?
How do we even, how, like, in what world does that even make any sense?
I just feel like it smells like that, or like dirty hair.
It doesn't even make sense.
Yeah, like dirty hair.
Or a white person's ear, or maybe a sideburn? Maybe that's like a-
Why, why, why are you like specifying?
Cause I'm smelling like skin.
The smell is way worse than the taste.
How is it smell bad?
It just smell, it's not bad.
I can't believe you guys, it is, it is truly astonishing to me that you guys-
I'm not saying bad, I'm saying it smells like sideburns.
Let me guess, it'd be better if it was a dino nugget, you freak?
Dino nuggets are fantastic.
I know, I'm, I'm, it's in reference to your like vanilla eating style.
You know that's not true.
I know, I do know that's not true, you bastard.
It used to be though.
And to be clear, this would be much better if it was a dino nugget. I would love a, I would love a dino nugget.
Fantastic.
Oh, it'd only be cooler if it was a, a five dollar foot long on Italian herbs and cheese chicken pizziola, Joe?
That's so specific, but I haven't had one of those in a while, but I, I was off that.
You guessed it, probably shouldn't.
Well, I'm not.
You don't.
What was the other thing? Oh, I used to get a sweet onion-
Smells like a baseball field. You ever been, yeah, when's the last time you played baseball, like on the field?
I love baseball.
Um, but sure.
We threw out the first pitch. We did, that's right. When was the last time? We were, we were in the middle of-
Last time I was on a diamond? Good question. Hmm, let me think.
That's true.
In front of forty thousand.
Yeah, we also nailed it in there, baby.
Simultaneously.
We fucking crushed that.
That was kinda wild.
Yeah, but that's a real baseball field. I'm talking about, you know.
Like a kid's, a little league one.
Oh, this is like one that like the, the outfield's like got weeds in it and shit. Ooh, this smells like weeds.
Like a unkept garden.
With like a tire in there. You know, like one of those.
No, no, I'm not contributing to that.
Oh, you know what it smells like? Poison ivy.
I don't like that. That's not right. And if you're smelling poison ivy, don't, because it can get in your lungs and it can be very bad for you.
Have you ever, have you ever had weeds or vines grow up your wall and you take it down?
And you kinda get dirt?
As soon as you take it down is what it smells like.
You guys are describing-
That is amazing, Ann.
You guys are just describing greenery, which is what that is.
But it's an experience. It smells like the experience.
So, so you're, so you started with, "It smells like a white person's sideburns," and now you've gone fully into, "It smells like removing intrusive vines from the side of a brick building."
Um, but both can be true. I don't, I don't think so.
I do like the, the vessel.
Container's nice, right?
Yeah, I do like this.
I didn't make that one. That one I did not make.
Masterful, 30 days shaded.
Yeah, baby. That's the good stuff there. And I made this bowl, too. Isn't that nice?
It's a really nice bowl.
I crushed that bowl.
Is that, is that for this, or you made it just because of the bowl?
I made it for matcha.
Oh, nice.
Wait, you went to the thing where it's like you press on the wheel?
Is it like impossible? Is it hard?
It's hard. There's like a lot more to it than I thought. Cause I thought I was just gonna go in there, throw some mud and make like a fucking full, like blown vase or some shit.
There's actually a lot more skill required to do it, which I didn't know. And I didn't expect.
How many things did you make?
Um, I made, I think I made three things. Becca made three things.
Bowls, or?
I made a little, like a little flower vase for her.
Like a, did it go like?
No, it's, it's just, it's a little one, like, it's meant for like a single flower.
And then, I think she made a couple bowls, too. And I, and she made me some cups. She's, yo, she fucking threw that shit and she kinda crushed it. But it was really cool. I would highly recommend going and throwing some mud. Because then you come out and you got, you're covered in like all like dried up mud.
And then we get to cosplay as like.
Yeah, like, construction workers.
We get to cosplay as blue collar men. I like left there and I was like, oh.
Oh, man, yeah, you wanna put it on your face a little too? Like, oh, I got a little bit on me, what the hell?
Yeah, rough day on the site.
When was the last time you had a black eye? I would love a black eye.
Ever had a black eye.
I had a bad one once and I was kind of hype about it.
Well, I don't like it when it's like a full black eye. But when it starts healing, then it looks cool.
Yeah, like when it gets like fat and closed, I don't like that, but like.
But like just under.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever had a black eye.
My, I, I got a black eye because uh, I was playing basketball in the morning. And it wa- it was actually Valentine's Day, which is so weird. But it was Valentine's Day and uh.
What a lovely day for a black eye.
Yeah. And uh, I don't know, that sounded weird. But then I got elbowed in the eye, so I had to go to the nurse. And my dad had to pick me up. I faked like I had a headache, I knew what I was doing.
I was like, well, I'm being cussed, I think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, I'm going home. Um, and my dad came into the office. And you know how my dad is. He was probably double parked, he was in a rush. And he uh.
Mad the whole time.
Yeah, he came into the, the nurse's office and I had like ice on my eye. And he just walked in, he was like, what happened? Your girlfriend punched you in the face because you didn't buy anything for Valentine's Day? Nurse didn't laugh at all, didn't crack a smile at all.
Not a joke, not a joke at all.
And I was like, yeah, I got a little bit, I got a headache.
Wait, how old were you?
Uh, this was seventh grade.
Did you have a Valentine in seventh grade? Damn, you were riding dolo?
Yeah, I was just dolly, just playing ball in the morning.
That's sick.
Did I have a girlfriend in seventh grade?
So you're just shooting, just shooting three pointers for Valentine's Day? You know what I love?
This is my, this is my dribbling, by the way.
Yeah, we can tell.
Nothing's, nothing makes me, uh, you know what I love? Sound, sound of a swish.
Yeah, um, but I had a good black eye for a while.
Yeah, I've never, I, I've been very lucky. I think I had like a real gnarly bruise once on my, on my hand. Oh my God, because do you remember when we would play manhunt in St. Francis and I would climb that like, like, it was like a, an exterior thing that popped out, like one of the entrance doors in the back?
And I would, I would scale and climb on top of that. And on the floor next to it was like those like grates?
And I fell once and I hit my hand straight on one of those grates and I got a giant bruise in the palm of my hand. Dude. So bad.
I didn't even know your palm could bruise.
Yeah, of course. I mean, anywhere you have skin. I mean, I believe.
I guess that's true.
I was led to believe that.
That. I was led to believe that.
But yeah, that sucked. And then I had one from like paintball, but like, that's.
Not in the face.
No, I got one on the inner thigh.
Ooh, that's the dark meat.
Yeah, they shot me close too. I think I can get hit with.
Your wing ding?
Yeah, close. And like physically they were close.
Oh wow.
I think I can get hit with paintballs now and not get bruises.
You don't get to decide. This can't be, this can't be true. I think he's like setting it up.
No, I'm not. I'm dead serious.
Forty-one thousand, I'll light you up. It could be, real quick, we get one in here. You have one? You seem like a paintball guy. I have one. You shot me once, twice. Have I? Oh, I did shoot you.
Forty-five thousand, I'll let you guys each shoot me three times with a paintball gun.
Frank, five thousand is such a jump, it's insane. Forty-one, forty-one.
I need to put, I need to set a fucking standard. I know my worth.
You're gonna shoot me with a paintball gun. I'll let you shoot me for forty-one. I don't care.
Okay. See how I set that up?
That was quick.
That was easy. Forty-one thousand, I'm shooting you how many times?
Forty-one times.
And you just do what?
Live the dream.
I mean, I'm not gonna agree to that.
I mean, you said I could shoot you. And then I said, how many?
Yeah, you can.
How many? And then you said like, huh.
How about you both get little duck costumes and I shoot you both?
Duck costumes?
No, because you would, you'd be holding on to some stuff.
No, never.
And you're like, oh, this is double jacked up CO2, so it's gonna come out at 400 PSI.
I don't trust you guys, because it'll be like, these are fucking paintballs, but they're actually filled with like, twisted tea. You know what? Now that I said it.
Shoot me in the mouth.
That doesn't sound that bad.
Shoot me in the teeth.
Forty-one, forty-one thousand, I, I would say he can bring in a paintball gun and shoot you and I three times each.
I have a feeling that we'd want to be shot more. Is that weird to say?
I feel like that's true, though.
How? I mean, I'm, that's fine.
How, how is that even?
Well, first of all, buddy.
Yes, sir.
You don't get off scot-free anymore.
People see you.
I was trying.
They can see your eyes. Yeah, ever since you installed that camera, now.
I was trying to just.
Now you're part of it.
Who's shooting us, then?
Oh, that's tough. I mean, we just shoot each other. It's like rock, paper, scissors. I shoot you, you shoot him, he shoots me.
I couldn't tell you how many messages I got of Edward Forty Hands.
Bro.
Instantaneously, hundreds. Really? I didn't know that. I didn't think people would be like.
I think people like when we get a little bit, huh, get a little drunk. Get a little drunk if we do it. I also haven't had a, I haven't seen a forty with my eyes in so long.
Do they still exist?
Definitely.
How, you're saying that with a lot of confidence.
I bet I can walk into literally any deli right now and find them.
Google how much a forty ounce beer costs.
The money's the issue. Let's do that. Forty thousand patrons, let's figure out if they're affordable.
Well, I just don't know.
It's gotta be six bucks.
If it's six bucks, that's disgusting.
In a good way.
What are we looking for? Coors, right? A Coors one?
Or Bud Light, yeah.
Uh, this is a joke.
Um, four bucks?
Wow!
I feel like the price hasn't gone up in here.
It was three bucks when we were drinking.
I don't think anyone buys them.
When we were drinking them, they were three bucks, so.
Four, in between four and nine bucks.
When would it be appropriate to have one? You know what I mean?
I don't see any reality where, like, unless, it's like a two liter of Coke, you know what I mean? Like, you, you get one for like a party.
Yeah, but you, who does that?
I mean, I'm sure they had it as a-
Pouring out of a bottle of beer?
It's a, it's used for a reason.
That's crazy, dude.
It is crazy. I will say this.
I'd be disgusted by that.
Don't ask me why beer tastes better when it comes out of a forty ounce bottle.
Now he's horny.
Now he's getting excited.
I just, it does. I had a-
I think everything tastes better out of glass.
I, yes. I recently had a beer, oh, the Super Bowl, I had a, I cracked open a Miller. And I, I took a sip and I audibly went, "Oh, this tastes like college." Like, just that beer in particular, at that point, just tasted like college.
A Miller Lite?
It was, it did, it did the trick.
Did the trick?
It did the trick. But I, I'm surprised that people wanted to see the four. I guess it makes sense. They, they like seeing us a little like, like a little, like a little-
Yeah, that like, he texted me, he was like, "Have you gotten a lot of messages?" I'm like, "Yeah."
Really? I, I mean-
That's interesting.
We haven't, that would be a throwback. We haven't done that in twenty years.
It's not been that long, brother. It's not been that long. I've done it maybe ten years ago? I did it with Espo. I have a picture of him and I doing it like ten years ago.
Yeah, yeah.
At my house.
Was that when we were going to your house? Ten years ago? No way.
Well, no, we were going to our house twenty years ago.
Ew!
That's so gross.
I have a memory from twenty years ago. Disgusting.
Yeah, that's really gross. Isn't that disgusting?
Of old memories? Oh, what was that, twenty years ago? Like, you know, we're gonna get older and be like, "Oh, that was in the, the early two thousands." And I'm gonna put a bullet between my eyes.
Cause that's gonna feel crazy.
Yeah, I mean-
Or my parents are like, "Oh, that was like in the seventies." Like, we're gonna say that.
Bro, next year, like, I think like, two thousand and six, I don't remember as much. Two thousand and seven, I remember quite vividly. Next year will be twenty years from two thousand and seven.
And like that's what, what?
I just thought that was like, very similar to our, the experience.
I'm saying like, I don't remember 2006 as much as I remember 2007. So next year, when I look back, I'll be like, that was 20 years ago.
You had vivid 20 year old memories.
Vivid dude, vivid.
What happened in 2007?
I just remember, like, it was just such a, like-
What grade?
We were going into, nah, 10th, I think it was like 10th grade?
Sophomores?
Yeah. Oh, no, 9th grade. 10th grade, maybe. I don't remember.
So like, high school? 9th. Cause I'm after you guys.
No, cause we started, we were in 9th. We started a high school in fall of 2006. And then we, so in-
Holy shit, did we?
Yeah, we're fucking old bags.
We're old bastards, old idiots, old dummies.
Yeah dude, my god.
That's insane. Ew, I'm disgusted by myself. So we used to, when my mom would go away for the weekend, 20 years ago, drink at my house and play beer pong.
Isn't that bananas?
Yeah. I don't think I've ever done 40 hands. I've done Four Loko hands.
See, but you guys are not-
That's so much worse!
That is so bad!
You cannot, you could literally hurt yourself.
I haven't had a Four Loko since, uh, college, and I, I don't think I ever can again.
The last time I had them was with you in Connecticut.
I accidentally, the last time I had a Four Loko, I accident, I didn't know it was a Four Loko. I thought it was Powerade, cause it was in a Powerade bottle. And I chased, like, I like mixed it with vodka.
I had a bad night that night.
It was not good, brother.
The last time I had a Four Loko, me and Josh fought.
Yes, I remember that quite vividly.
He started, he punched me right in the face for no reason.
He did? He did. On the dock.
I asked him who he was on the phone with, and he just turned around and slapped me across the face, and I was like, I'm gonna kill him.
This was before he was training, so I, I had the best of him.
Yeah. If there was, if there was a rematch now, it wouldn't, it wouldn't be good.
Tell you what, he slaps me in the face, I've asked him on the phone with, I'd be like, you know what, it's probably an important call, I'll turn around and go the other way.
Well, Ant was just saying that he could box Josh and, and win.
Yeah, we should set that up.
I, I remember that, right?
You should set that up.
I remember that.
Interesting, cause he said-
You should go to, you should go spar with Josh a little bit. He'll take it easy on you, but he'll definitely throw a knee at you.
I, I!
Yeah, he'll fuck you up. But you did say that you could beat him in a fight.
I don't know if I said it.
Hmm, I'm gonna tell your dad.
It's crazy that he's talking about his coworkers in such a violent fashion.
I know, and I'm gonna have to talk to HR. Just talk to him.
Um, alright, well. Frank, I appreciate you bringing in the ceremonial grade matcha.
Yeah, if I ever get it back. You haven't given it back to me.
I haven't.
Yeah, I know.
But, uh, yeah, thank you for everyone. Like Frank said, 40,000 patrons. We're gonna figure out what we're gonna do, but we're definitely gonna figure something out. And, uh, yeah, that's such a crazy number. Um, thank you guys so much for all the support. I remember, you know, being like, wow, you know, I really hope we can get to 3,000 and now we're at fucking 40, which is insane. Um, so we appreciate all the support and everything. Really awesome. Frank, where can they find you?
Uh, the Frank Albers all over social media, and then go check out Patreon, patreon.com/thebasementyard.
And? And you'll follow me at Justin Goddard, I'll follow you at thebasementyard, and that's all. See you guys next time.
Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated