The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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19,170 words · 4 speakers
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you, based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, wearing Picky Boys merch?
Wow.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Free plug.
Support my boys, you know?
Support my boys.
I wear enough Santa Gato Studios merch. I could try it out, you know?
Yeah.
It's the only graphic tee I've worn.
Where did we get that? Did you have that?
He had it in his office, and I looked for a new shirt, because we're doubling up today. We'll show them our sausage.
There's a... He said that there's too many mediums up there.
Yeah. Yo, so for those of you guys that don't know...
Also, I don't even wear a medium anymore.
Whom's it for, then?
Tiny Greg, maybe. I don't know.
Greg's got broad shoulders, though, dude. He's like a walking hanger. Like, he's got, like, giant fucking shoulders, and then he comes to, like, he comes to, like, a fucking, like, a what's-her-name Jetson point.
We're bringing up the Jetsons again.
Yeah, we're back. You're like how he snuck that in there with Mucha Plum.
Uh, I, I, we, on the days we double up, I try to, like, change my shirt, or, like, take my hat off, you know, throw people off.
You know?
And now you've completely given that away.
Yeah, it's okay. Uh, but I go to the office, because we have a lot of shirts in here, and they're all size fucking medium?
And they're also, like, things that you sold in, like, 2021?
I don't know how those are all up there still.
Like, uh, like, there's, like, a pink windbreaker up there that's, like, a size small.
Yeah, that's, that was for Greg.
What the fuck is this?
Yeah, that was for Greg.
Was that, like, running merch you guys wanted to do?
No, we, we, we were, like, testing out products for, uh, one of the companies that we were using at the time, and then we were like, "Let's, let's see these, how these look," and then we... I think we did put them out, though. I think we did sell, like, a couple of them.
Yeah, I'm sure. I'm, I'm sure you did.
Yeah, I think we did put them out, but Greg was like, "Oh, I'm gonna get a pink one." And I was like, "All right."
But I like this shirt. It's, I will say, very soft.
We don't have to. We don't. It wasn't for this.
Alright, now you get nothing bitch. I'll rip my shirt off right here and show you my- He did rub his nipple just now, which is- Well, it's because my nipples have been very tender lately. I don't know what's going on. Pregnant? I'm hopefully not, you know? Well, you have tender nipples. Yeah, like the other day I was like at home- Like someone was hitting him with a- Yo, like so- I'm not, like...
Yeah! You got tender. Like, I was at home the other day and I was just like, "Yo, my fucking nipples hurt." Nice. And I probably should get it checked out, you know, just to make sure there's nothing scary. You want me to check it out? No, don't touch my nipples. Both or one? Both. So like... You pull on them or something? No, I don't- you know how I am, Joey. Yeah, but if you feel them tender, that means that you're like testing it out. I'm like testing it out by like rubbing my hand over it and stuff like that, and they're a little tender. You know what they might be from? Have you been exercising? Oh, yeah. So it could be from just your shirt just grinding down your nipples. Yeah, but it's under this, like it feels under the skin, like it feels like- I'm fresh out of ideas then. Okay.
And, well, at first, and I think I told you, I thought it was like a tear, because at first it was only one side. Yeah. I thought it was like a tear in like my, like, my pec- You're tender. But, so I stopped working out my chest. Ah, you stopped working out your nipples. I stopped working out my nipples. Stopped doing nipple workups. You know, nipple press, nipple ups. Were you just like attached weights to your nipples? What show was that? Oh, Ren and Stimpy, wasn't there a guy in there that had like giant fucking nipples? Bro, I must have missed that on morning cartoons. You know, I mean, Ren and Stimpy was like kind of even before our time. I don't know, I don't know. But like, he had like a, like, his name was like Cinnamon Toast Man or something, or the powerful bread toaster or some- He had long nipples? Dude, this guy's nipples were like pacifiers. I'm talking like- Whoa!
You could bite on and hang like a fish.
I would. Not a man.
I was confused for a sec. Like, you think people can go fishing with their nipples?
Some, probably. If you dip them in there. Bro, a fish bit my nipple.
A fish bit my, like a birthmark underneath my nipple.
No, it hit my, hit my-
Oh, it actually hit my nipple too!
My shit, it like sucked my nipple. Not sucked my, it bit my nipple.
Be honest.
I didn't hate it.
Yeah?
But it scared me because I wasn't expecting it, you know what I'm saying? Like, I wasn't like, I was like, ooh! So I kinda like, I was getting up on a dock, and when I was like this, it just went, ahh! And I was like, yo!
That was a little sexually charged!
I was trying to get both emotions.
That was a weird noise you made there. Do it again. For the audio-only listeners, they really want to hear it again.
It sounds like you want to hear it again.
No, I'm not an audio-only listener.
I bet you aren't. And then I got on the dock, and then I squeezed my nipple, and then blood came out.
A little blood came out. So you milked your own nipple blood?
For its blood, yeah.
Oh.
That's disgusting.
I mean, what am I, what am I? But I was like, I can't go back in the works now, all the fish-
Now they're so attracted to your nipples.
Cause they're gonna be like, oh, I smell the blood.
All these fucking horny-ass fish want Joey's nipple.
Yeah, they're like, oh, we could suck it. We could suck his nipple. Or whatever, you know?
Why, I don't know why, if I'm being honest-
I do want to get bit by a turtle. I would love to get bit by a turtle.
My guy.
Not a big turtle.
A nice turtle? Not a snapping turtle, just one that like, is alright, is cool.
Oh, not-
Someone's nice, one that's worth playing.
A nice one. So like, let me ask you.
What turtle?
Uh, the species?
But like-
What make and model?
I imagine that if they have the power to bite, they have the power to hurt you. So what, you think you're gonna like befriend this turtle, that it'll just be like, let me just give you a little nib?
Yeah, dogs do it.
I think dogs are more often domesticated animals than turtles.
It's all about the energy you put into the water.
I mean, that's what I say. You know how I feel about my ability to not get beat up by animals, because I put out a good aura?
But, I feel like tur- getting bit by a turtle, really?
I don't know, I think that would be cool. They have like, cool-looking tongues.
I'd want to get bit by a, an owl. But that'd probably be a bad idea too!
I mean, they're so like, their beaks are so like, fucking curled and shit. I'm like, what is this?
I wanna get bit by something, though.
I mean, we could do that very easily.
Like, don't you wanna get bit?
I wanna get bit by a snake, non-denim.
No fucking way, dude.
Non-V, non-V.
Regardless of the V, I don't wanna get bit by them.
I mean, as long as it's not gonna like, kill me.
Have you ever done the fish thing and let them suck your toes?
That's like a, that's like a big thing for like, uh...
What the fuck are you talking about?
It's like, like, people that get like, pedi- uh...
Pedicures?
Pedicures, pedicures.
Oh gee, I didn't know where we were going with this.
No, no, no, people that get pedicures, there's like, certain spas where you put your feet...
Oh, leeches.
No. Just give me thirty seconds.
You're taking too long!
And it's yours! You put your feet in this like, little spa bath, and there's these little fish that eat the dead skin off your feet.
Yeah, leeches, I think.
No! Leeches are different.
Leeches suck your blood.
And leeches were, are like worms. That is, that shit is fucking crazy, and I used to use that as like, medicine back in the day.
My feet are too ticklish, I wouldn't be able to do that.
I mean, I think they, they...
Oh, when I was in Switzerland, I got a, I got a massage, and I was fighting for my life.
Really? What were they doing?
Massaging my feet.
Really?
And I was trying desperately not to like...
Yeah, yeah, yeah! That's one of the things I, I, I think... I, I guess I missed the tickling thing, I'm not ticklish.
I'm very tick- I'm only ticklish like, on my side.
Oh, oh, oh.
Right here, ticklish.
And, and my feet, like, at a, you know... I also, I'm more like, anticipatory ticklish.
That, I will say, that I get with my neck.
Like, if I'm coming over there and I'm like, I'm gonna tickle your neck.
Yeah, it's not that it's gonna tickle me, but I just don't like it, you know, like, get it back up!
Get outta here!
You know, get outta here!
You know? And then once you get a little ticklish, you're like, "Get out!", and now I'm like, I turn into like, an ogre. You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, there's, I've seen videos of like, people doing like, you know, when my, when my girlfriend gets like, overstimulated very quickly, and it's like... Like, they're like, tickling, and she's like, "Ha ha, get off me!"
Yeah, I'm like that, I'm like that.
My dad, my dad used to tickle me, and then, while I was laughing, he would just say, "Fight it, fight it, fight it", and then one day, wasn't ticklish anymore.
What? Your dad?
Your dad would condition you out of being ticklish?
Your dad would tickle you and say, "Fight it"?
Yep.
Good ol' yellow.
Wait, hold on, what else is he taught you?
What was the issue with being ticklish, according to your father?
I don't know, maybe it was like, uh, you know, a weakness?
A masculinity thing.
In fighting?
Yeah, you know, the, the popular fighting...
Oh, being ticklish is gay.
The popular fighting technique of tickling.
Like, if me and Joe were wrestling, give him a tickle, "Ah!"
You know what?
You could get me, though.
See?
Hold on.
If you have a business idea, I'm gonna kill myself.
Business idea.
It's like the MMA. But it's tickling.
I have a site for you Frankie, it already exists.
Really, like professional?
You have a site for him?
A professional tickling league?
I could send it to you later.
I, I mean, I don't want any sites for you.
Oh, you should pay money for the documentary that I paid for. It was ticklish, but it's like sexual.
You told me about it?
Don't need to pay money for it.
No, it's, it's interesting.
But like, it's like a fighting league, it's like a competition. I mean, think about it. We got the professional slap league, what's that one called? Power slap? Power slap?
We got power slap? We got MMA? Something a little less detrimental on the good old, uh, you know, brain health. How about a professional tickling league?
Do you think that there's ever been a, like a torture session? Where they tickled so- some information out of somebody? You know what I'm saying?
I'm sure there has.
You know what I mean?
I'm sure there has. But like, I'm thinking about it, back to my idea. Where? You like, set people up and like? Kinda like ass to, you know how like, you know, like in order to not be gay with your boy, you guys sleep like ass to feet?
So I'm staring at his fucking dog?
But like, you, you guys lay in a situation where like that, and you both grab onto a foot and you just tickle until one person gives up. And then they have to say, they don't say uncle. They say, uh, I'm too ticklish.
And that's how they lose.
Now, is this an idea or a fantasy? Because those who feel like-
I mean, are all, aren't all ideas, fantasies to some degree?
It sounds like you participated.
Yeah. In what?
In the-
Professional tickling?
In the ass to foot? Face to foot? Tickling sleepover?
You ever, you ever- Oh, no, no, no, I'm not saying that the tickling-
Have we ever slept foot to face?
I'm sure we have.
Have you done that with your boys?
No, I think we go just face to face, I think.
Whoa dude.
See that, now that, that, you're in, you're inviting-
Energy.
Also, I'm a cuddler, so sometimes like, I'll, I've accidentally grabbed a boy. I've slept like, like, in a bed with like, like a, a friend or something, and we just turned the other way.
Yeah, I've done that in mad times. But I've also woken up and I'm, I'm like staring at fucking like Espo in the face. And we're just like-
Well, no, you don't stare at him in the face, cause he sleeps like Dracula.
That's true, yeah.
He sleeps like-
Espo does look like a-
He sleeps like this.
Every wake that I've ever been to? That's how I sleep. This is why on vacations, I choose to room with Espo because he just doesn't move.
He sleeps, he takes up, the only amount of space he takes up is like the width of his body.
Yeah, that's it.
And he doesn't move, he doesn't make a sound. Like, and not like, you think that this is a joke, he sleeps like this.
Yeah, he sleeps like a dad watching his kid's like soccer game.
He sleeps like someone that is so upset at the ending of like Harry Potter.
Dude.
You know, just like, I don't like that.
I don't like it. I don't like it at all.
But, where were we?
I have no idea.
I'm not a tickler. I don't, I don't like, I'm not, I don't get tickled.
That's shocking, like that you wouldn't, like you'd be, like to me, you strike me as a tickler.
I mean, when I play with my kids, I tickle.
Yeah, I mean, I would honestly say that forty percent of my interactions with my nieces and nephews are tickling.
Well, the tickle monster is, is a monster as old as time. I'm shocked, hold on. New business idea.
You need to figure out a way to get ideas across on this show without making it a business.
Alright, two business ideas.
How does that answer what I?
One is an elevated horror movie. We've had a lot of those over the last couple of years.
Now I'm in.
Now he's in. In the vein of like Skidamaran, uh, uh, uh, uh, you know, weapons. You know, something that is just, it's horror, but a little more symbolic and there's, it's, it's an allegory for something in society. And it's called the tickle monster. Okay, and there is a physical tickle monster, but it has to do with our society's necessity to use humor as a defense mechanism.
Uh, you bored me.
What? I don't even know where we are. Second business idea.
Oh, there's two within this one.
I said there was two. The tickle room.
It's like a haunted maze that you get around Halloween time, you know, like people walk through like Halloween horror nights. But they're all just narrow rooms with people's hands in there and they tickle.
Or they walk and their fingertips are out and they tickle in your feet.
How much time do we waste on that?
Uh, too much probably is the answer.
Yeah, I think so as well.
Wouldn't it make more sense to just like have someone walk naked through a room of feathers?
Where are we headed? What's the, we gotta grab the wheel right now.
Doesn't that make more sense?
I think that, yes, or... Are feathers even comfortable?
No.
Or... You've seen Casper.
Number three idea, go ahead.
You've seen Casper.
You remember the scene where she goes through the thing and it like...
Powders her face.
That, but on feet, and it's like a tickle chair. We don't need to keep coming up with these ideas.
Mm-hmm.
Why do we need, we feel like we need to do it.
A car wash but for feet.
That's a shower, buddy. No, but like you turn someone upside down. So like they're in like this position.
That's gonna be great. I know what upside down is.
No, no, no, not fully upside down.
That's pretty good.
And then when they're on their back.
And it's a car wash, and it has like the big foam rollers and the...
Soap?
You know what these are.
The big flappy...
The big flappy shit.
Pappardellis?
Yeah, yes, exactly, the Pappardells. But it's for their feet, and it's just a tickle experience. Tickle NYC. T-N-Y-C.
Well, definitely don't wanna...
You know what I'm waiting for? I'm waiting for when you could step into like that box that some cartoons do, and then it's up to your neck, and then the thing comes down over your head, and then it cleans you and dresses you and cuts your hair, and then you're good for the day in like thirty seconds.
There's a guy who like makes videos like that, where he like creates these... Machines or whatever, and like obviously it's not, uh, like it's for a video, but...
It's like his bed, and then his bed like sits up and like bacon hits him in the mouth and he like, it brushes his teeth and like, you know, it like does shit like that.
I love stuff like that.
Or you ever see the videos of the weird, I wanna say Russian...
I don't know, but it feels it.
They got bigger fish.
When you see the videos, you know. There's just wood, white walls. You're like, this is Russian. And it's a guy and he like attaches something to his head and he like pops balloons.
I know exactly who you're talking about, yes.
Or it's like he has it on his like dick or something. He's like, he's slapping it and popping balloons. I'm like, what is this?
Yeah, I know exactly what you're referencing.
I've seen one where he's just crushing spaghetti noodles.
Yes, I love those.
Wait, what?
He does that, but it's just like a big thing of spaghetti.
And it's just on his head and he just crushes it.
See, this is what I'm talking about. The world is a weird place. The more that you kind of like start to pick it apart. Uh, yo, please tell me you've seen the guy. It's like an Asian dude.
Oh, that does the, this guy?
He's like, was that your?
No, that was not.
No, but he like, he like strains.
Oh my god, call mom daddy!
No, no!
Get a baby!
No, no, no, he like, no, that's not what I meant. Now, see, that's completely taken out of context.
Which guy are you talking about?
He like strains his face and he like, he like, his face gets like red, he gets like red in the face. He's straining himself.
I know what you're talking about, but no, that's not what, that's not what I was talking about.
Damn, that's a crazy thing to do. I didn't know that as like.
Let me, god, that looks bad.
Apologize before it even begins.
But now, I don't want people to take that out of context. I did not like try to do.
The whole show is taken out of context. Um, the, no, it's like an Asian dude and he like, I guess it's like an art exhibit or something. I don't know. But he has like a, what's the thing called for a bow, for a violin? But he'll be playing it and like, like knock shit over. Have you guys ever seen that?
No, sorry Joe. This is that weird part of the internet where Joey just finds things randomly hilarious, like the pipes.
Oh, the pipes! First of all, I have a pipe saved now and I use it.
Pipes, the pipes one is such a weird one.
It's so good.
Um, but there was one, it's like this Asian guy and he like does these, uh, it's like music, I guess. I don't know. But it's like him playing a drum, but then he's like on the ground and he's like rolling around and there's just people watching this. And like, all the comments are like, what the fuck is happening?
No, I, I don't think I've seen that one.
Fuck, I wish, I, I don't even know how to search for that.
I, neither do I, cause I'm trying.
Asian guy with bow.
Try that. I don't, I don't know if he has a bow. I, I think maybe in a video he did. But it's like, I don't know, some random.
Asian guy wrestling on ground with drums.
Bro, with, with bunch of shit. Like he'll have like literally like this and this and he'll just like start doing stuff and people are there like, yeah. Like it's so, it's very like out there art type of shit.
You see the guy that throws sand in the air and makes animals?
Yes.
I've seen the people that have it on like a board and they flip it up like that.
No, I'm saying he just takes a handful of sand and he could just throw it and make a snake.
What?
This, some of this shit that you guys, like it's gotta be AI. Like it's not real.
I don't know that I'm at the level of boomer to the point where I would like fall for AI.
Sure?
I mean, maybe. I did fall for AI once before.
The owl.
Right?
The owl?
Wasn't it the one?
No, it was like a, like a, um, yeah, it was some sort of animal.
Where like the guy land, oh, it was like a, a bird or something like a white bird or butterfly or.
Yeah, and it was right there. The guy had 15 fingers or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that was pretty bad.
Yeah, it's, it's alright. We're gonna just.
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Explode.
It's fine.
Well, are you trying to look this up right now?
Trying to find anything.
You're, you're never gonna find a dude because it's unbelievable.
Joe's, your like algorithm is either European men screaming at the top of their lungs.
It really is a lot of that.
There's gotta be something that feels good about that.
There was a time where literally, that's not like an exaggeration. There was a guy who just kept popping up. Once you watch a video, you interact with it, if you like it, you just get all of them. Yeah. And it was just this guy, and he was a European dude, and he would just yell. He would just yell into his phone. And I would send it to Frank, and he'd be like, "Why are you watching this?" And I'd be on the dude's page, and I'm like, It was, and it wasn't like he would just, "Ah!" Like just screaming.
I got my sand guy.
You got your sand boy?
You wanna see my sand guy?
Yeah, let's show us your sand guy.
I'll show you my sand guy.
So what do you mean he makes animals?
So he throws sand and makes animals. Look at that, that's a bird!
It's a snake.
I mean, I mean, is that a snake? I can make that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, the guy throws something and it sort of like kinda looked like a snake. Alright, that...
That's a full, that's a full octopus. Look, he even did the colors of the fish.
I don't know. This feels like...
No, it's not great.
I'm not taking anything away from this guy. How many tosses do we get?
That's a good question.
That was a good watch.
That's a good watch.
That was a good watch. What watch was it?
It's a good spoon.
I don't know. I've seen this guy before.
I'm saying, this, this bird, right here, not this one, this bird is incredible. That's an incredible bird.
Yeah, but like, I could throw something and then take a still and find something that looks like it. I'm sorry, like, I'm not taking away from this person.
I think that's exactly what you're doing.
I just don't think it's as impressive as you think. Can you look up the guy that I was referencing so people could see that I wasn't being racist?
Which one?
Uh, just look up "Asian guy straining with bottle caps."
Bottle caps.
He uses bottle caps in a ton where he'll like pop bottle caps off something or like open a Corona with his belly.
Oh, I know the guy you're talking about.
You know who I'm talking about, right?
He does strain his face.
Please, please, please pull it up. Just so for me to protect me and the sanctity of this show and my career.
Let's roll the dice.
Well, what about?
It's like people who make their own conclusions.
No, no, no, no, come on.
What about him? Um, it honestly scares me when I see those videos because I'm like, this guy looks like he's gonna die.
He does. Yes, thank God.
Okay, why'd you pick this one?
Uh, because I feel like Frankie wanted this one. That's what he told me to do.
I said bottle caps, so he's not wrong.
Nipples attached to this thing.
You're gonna tell me, see, that's the face.
Okay, hold on.
That's, and I wasn't, let's, hold on, let's, now, now, now I'm gonna have to justify my justification, okay? Let's get something out of the way. One, this is not what I was talking about.
This is, I know, I thought this is who you were talking about.
No, no, no, no. When, when you brought it up, I thought you were talking about a different.
Another Asian guy?
There's a different Asian guy.
How many Asian guys are there?
Who actually strains his face and he's like a jacked guy and his eyes look like he's gonna pop out of his head.
He like, he'll like open, like he'll like open a beer bottle with his like fucking, yeah, I don't know about dick.
Can I take his nipples off the screen?
Yeah, you absolutely shouldn't have been on there to begin with.
I think we're fine.
I think we're fine. Joe's guy I cannot find. I cannot find him.
That guy you won't find.
Okay.
You've never liked a TikTok from him or anything or?
Seen one recently?
So, so this is the guy that I was talking about.
Ah.
But no, not originally.
So that's the face you thought I was making?
This, yes.
That would have been racist.
You ever see that kid? So he does that and like, he just like strains his face and whatever. That's who I thought you were talking about, so what?
You've never seen the nipple guy?
I've seen him, he has like, he like, he does like weird little tricks with-
With like his butt and he's naked?
I don't know about butt, definitely nipples.
Belly's been in there at points.
Yeah, I mean, he literally had his nipples clamped. Um, well, this, this is, you know. The sponsors would not be happy with this one.
It'll be okay. It'll be okay, we can pad it a little bit, pad, pad a little before that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
Have you ever found a concerningly big lint in your belly button?
You know what? I actually was thinking about this the other day. I love finding crust in there.
He's digging for-
Are you digging in there?
Yeah, I can't, there's not really much in there.
You got a deep, you got a cavernous hole?
Or is she tight?
You coulda.
My shit is like, vacuum sealed, like, if I rub my finger, like, if I do this, I could feel air, like, it's sucking me in.
I could go in there, a little, but like-
Oh, I can get it, I could get the whole thing.
The whole thing of what? What's the whole-
My whole button. I could touch the whole button.
I mean, yeah, technically, I could touch the whole button, too.
Yeah, yeah, like, I can get to every crack, but sometimes I'll get like a flake in there, and I like digging that out, I like digging it.
I do kinda like that, yeah, like, you find like a, like a piece of like a cornflake in there, and you're like, I, I haven't eaten Kellogg's in fucking months.
Or it's almost, it's like, it's like, it feels like earwax, almost, like, in my belly button.
Now you lost me, brother.
Well, it's not like, waxy, like, you know when you get like hard earwax that just falls out of your ear?
Oh, I love that.
Like a flake?
I love like, just sitting here, and then just like, earwax falls on, I'm like, it did its thing, like, it did what it's supposed to do.
I don't clean my ears.
I don't clean my ears, you're not supposed to.
You never?
No, you're not supposed to.
I mean, I have the camera and I dig in-
I know, I don't do that either, I just kinda let my ears do their natural thing.
And they do, not, it ever shows?
No, if I have blockage, I don't know about it.
How would you not?
Because I don't go in there.
But you would hear, you would hear.
I see those videos of people using like the water and their like ears, and then it's just like, the water comes out like fucking, like, brown, it's like, ugh.
Can we hook you up to one of those cameras and see what's going on in your head?
Sure, I mean, there's not much.
In your head?
How would you know?
You don't go in there.
That's fair. Yeah. I mean, I would imagine there's not much. If there is-
You never like go like this?
I mean, I'll go like this.
But you never like take like a napkin and you're like-
Go in and the people are like, it feels good to like, like, scratch your inner ears. I have never experienced that.
Oh, I have. Cause when I use that camera and I get down in there, sometimes I can get my leg going like a golden retriever.
Yeah, dude.
No, not me, man.
I'm like a fucking German shepherd and I'm like, ooh. Sometimes it makes me sneeze or cough. It's weird.
Makes me cough.
Yeah, it makes me like-
Like, but I have to cough and like say, it's so strange.
That is a very weird thing.
I know.
I never-
Like, you know how people like try to clean their throat by like doing this and like-
I saw that in The Mask, he does that. He's like-
Yeah, exactly.
You know, and it's like, I like trying to scratch the back of their throat.
Yeah, but I think there's like nerves.
Something. I have notoriously wet ears.
What's up?
I have notoriously wet ears.
Yeah, no, I heard that. What does that mean?
Get over here. Let's poke around.
Nah, don't touch him.
What do you, what's, it's like if you put your finger in there right now, you would come out, you have like water on them?
Sometimes.
Listen up, brother. You know what show you're on? You tell us you have wet ears, we need to see them. Are they, is it sweat?
I don't know.
Wet in what regard?
Like, if I put a Q-tip in there, it'll be wet.
Wet?
But like with wax?
Sometimes. Sometimes it's just wet.
Sometime- you pronounce the T in wet so hard, it's insane.
We all wet.
But if you could take a Q-tip and put it in your ear and if it comes out and there's no wax, but it would still be wet?
It could be wet.
What is that?
I don't know. I thought it was an anxious thing, maybe?
Your ears are anxious? You're scared of hearing?
I don't know. I just, it's just something I have.
I don't know. We need like Dr. Mike to tell us what the fuck is going on with your ears.
Just something I have.
Yeah, we should get Dr. Bro, we should get Dr. Mike in here and ask him a bunch of questions.
Yeah, I mean, he would probably leave here dumber. That's the goal.
We get him in here thinking he's gonna teach.
He's so like patient that I would make it my fucking goal to make this guy lose his shit.
Yeah, I love it.
I saw like clips of the video where he did, uh, he talked to like a bunch of anti-vaxers. Yeah, and he's just like, I'm not trying to play gotcha. You know, like, he's, he's very like, he's-
He's smart, he knows what he's saying, he's patient. I would try to ruin that. And that's why we shouldn't get him or Hank Green in here.
Bro.
Because I would make them hate us. The first thing, the, the one from that video that I loved, was there was one point where he's sitting there in his fucking scrubs, sitting across from this girl, and he goes, "Is there anything that I could say today that would change your mind?" And she goes, "No, cause I've actually done the research."
Sitting across from a doctor in scrubs. Once people started. Like, what are we doing? Once people started to link, like, doctors and politics, it was gone. Every doctor is fucked from here on out.
We should, we should, though. We should get Dr. Mike in here and be like, "Yeah, why is our boy got wet ass ears? Does that, you know?" Maybe you stomp them. That'd be great.
We should start, we should start a series of episodes where we bring in someone that specialized in a field. This isn't a business idea. This is a legitimately good idea.
Where we do like twenty questions for Dr. Mike, twenty questions for Hank Green, twenty questions for a mycologist, because you're fucking into mushrooms now, you know? And then, and then just get them to the point where they hate us so much because we are so stupid, that they can't fucking put up with it anymore.
I'd be afraid to talk to him, because, because once you say, "Oh, I have wet ears," he's like, "Oh, does your ankle also hurt? Can you do this with your pinky?" I'm like, "I have too many questions."
No, but see, they're trained, they're trained, they're trained to not, like, worry you. They're trained to just be like, "Okay, you know, I mean, if it's something that, like, like, he's not just gonna be like, "You got a problem, brother. Go right now," unless it was like, "You have a gunshot wound in your head."
That would be cool, though. Not the gunshot.
Well, thank you.
Yeah. Yeah, I, I, you know what I mean.
Wet ears, dude. What a random symptom that you have.
Because he would be like, "Okay," Dr. Mike would be like, "Okay," wearing a fucking, you know, a Patek watch, and he'd just... You'd be like, "Okay, it sounds like you have iraphobia, best home Draxicat," you know, and like...
Yeah, I just don't wanna know that.
I mean, but what's it gonna do? Ruin your day?
Maybe. Or I just have wet ears.
You've been wet in your ears forever. What if you find out it's just like a symptom of having just giant balls?
Yeah, imagine that was his follow-up, like, "Wait, do you have fat nuts?"
Well, give me, just stop me once I'm getting...
Yeah, that'd just be my cross to bear.
Your whole life, you've had wet ears?
Yeah, sensitive ears, wet ears.
Sensitive ears.
I've got good hearing.
You've had, you have good hearing?
Good hearing, because the water picks up the vibrations and it delivers them to your cochlear implant.
Bro, do you remember hearing tests back in the day? I used to like... Oh, I thought it was like, "I'm gonna go to the NBA if I..."
I legitimately thought I was passing that test and they're gonna be like, "Hold on."
Hold on, this guy is such a good fucking hearer.
You're so good at hearing.
Like yo, there's so many of those that I had the same mentality with where it was like the, the vision test. Where I'd be like, they'd turn around and be like, yeah, D F C.
Cheating?
Yeah, it's like, because I thought that being good at hearing, they'd be like, holy shit, wait a sec. Give this guy a million dollars.
I literally, yeah, like I thought that it would be like, oh my fucking god, how did you hear that? Like, I wanted them to say that. Cause I was not, I was convinced that they were playing sounds, like some of them were sounds, but other things were just like.
Frequency, I'm like, I don't, like they were testing to see if I was not human.
Exactly, yes, like superhuman.
So like, oh yeah, heard that.
Yeah, I remember, I remember they would just be like, did you hear, cause they were also like tipping their, you know, tipping it a little bit where they'd be like, did you hear anything? And I'd be like, yup. I'd just say yes to everything because like, hearing something that's not there is not an issue. Not hearing something that is there was what they were looking for.
Bro, also the most uncomfortable set of headphones I've ever put on.
Yeah, they were from like when we first landed on the moon and this machine could talk to someone in Morse code and like fucking Myanmar.
Dude, it literally was like a fucking world war one fighter pilots headset.
My teacher in high school was doing that test for us, like however old you are, this is what you should be hearing, like this tone.
This girl, we got up to like 50, 60, couldn't hear the tones. So, and she's a big raver, big partier, like, like all that. And he goes, if you want to hear your kids crying when you're older, you should really stop doing what you're doing.
And then she cried and ran out of the class.
That's a crazy thing to say.
That's funny as shit though. I would have been like, don't want to hear them cry. That's why I don't want to be, I couldn't be a teacher, cause that, that's the shit that I would say. He'd be like, if you want to not be a fucking idiot, you know? There are those videos where it's just like, I remember from, in like the, you know, when I was like 22, it was just like, people over 30 can't hear this pitch. And I was like, oh, I can, I can hear it.
I always think of, uh. Home Alone 3, which I don't remember that movie at all, but I do remember him having a dog whistle.
Boy, that movie sucks.
Trash, but I do remember him having a dog whistle.
Only the dogs can hear it or something?
Yeah, he gets like the dog or something and like trips the guy up. I, I, I, I.
I remember, dog whistles were a huge thing in the late 90s.
Bro, you remember laser pointers?
The coolest thing in the world. If there was a claw machine in my vicinity and I was seeing a laser pointer in it, I was gonna do everything I could to get it.
Yeah, laser pointers were so fucking cool and my parents made it seem that if this thing touched my eyeball, I would be blind immediately.
I mean, I don't know if that's true, but I still operate under, I just used a laser two days ago and I operate under the exact same.
Why did you use a laser two days ago?
We have a laser level and we were hanging pictures.
Oh, okay.
So I like threw it up.
Like a keychain one.
I threw it up.
I was, I was shining it into my neighbor's house.
Yo, I'm serious, like I still operate under that same mentality, like I'm, I literally was just like, no one look at it.
Yeah, yeah.
You know? It's like fucking Medusa. No dude, I remember like they had like the ones with like the interchangeable, the gold ones.
With the interchangeable tops and it would be like a snowman or a star.
Yeah, those things were fucking cool.
Let me tell ya.
Laser pointers, fucking.
We used to get one and we would fuck with our cat. Yeah, so like she would, yo, and she would go nuts for it.
I used to have a dog, uh, camera that would have one of those and Charlie would chase it when I wasn't home.
Dude, it was like borderline torture, like we would shine it on the wall, my cat would freak the fuck out and then we'd turn it off and she would like, where the fuck is that thing?
Basically, seriously, what a time.
Laser pointers.
I got, I remember the last time I got a laser pointer.
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What were you saying the last time? The last, I, I remember exactly the last time I got a, uh, this is weird. The last time I got a fucking laser pointer, I, I got it from a bowling alley claw machine game, and I recently went bowling again. You went bowling? Yeah, I went bowling. I haven't been bowling in years. Dude, Becca and I took the kids bowling. First of all, fun as fuck. I like bowling. Dude, bowling? Yeah. Yeah. I get very territorial, ter- ter- territorial. Territorial. I get very territorial over like a ball. That's mine. That's my ball. That's my ball. Don't use my fucking ball. I don't really care that much, but I, I forgot just how like...
I don't know how to say this without sounding mean. Bowling alleys are such a piece of shit.
Hmm.
But they're so magical.
Like... Was it jumping? It was, it was a packed day!
Oh!
Packed day bowling alley! So sorry.
Yeah, that was a wild octave.
I apologize, but it was like...
Really, like, every lane, we just got in, there was only one lane and we just got it. And, like, kids were running around, like, it just reminded me of the days when we were younger, like, the carpet was still the same carpet, you know, from the fucking 90s, it smells like shit.
And had blood on it.
Blood and spit, you know, and then it smelled like cigarettes and, you know, stale Coors Light.
And just like, but it's so magic.
Yeah. You know what I really didn't like about bowling? Sometimes I would go over to the balls, you see like the small holes and you're like, "My hands are bigger than that." Then you get to a certain ball, and the thumb hole is so big, and I'm like, "My dick wouldn't fit in here." Like, what the fuck?
I'm not even kidding, whenever I have, I remember that as a kid, I would always think of your father's thumb, because I'd be like, "This is only for Joe's dad's thumb."
So happy you said thumb. Why?
Not for his dick.
Oh my god, this hole, this big hole in this bowling ball reminds me of Joe's dad's dick.
Yeah, no.
Oh, god. Brings me right back to Joe's dad's cock.
Thumb.
Let's make that better.
Brings me right back to his shit.
I don't think I've ever seen your dad's dick. I'm actually, I would remember that.
Yeah, I think I would remember that, if you did too.
I would remember that. No, I would always, that's how I would always think of it.
You seen your dad's penis?
I've seen my dad's penis too.
I think everyone's seen their dad's penis.
You seen, you seen Yellow's penis?
Alright, that made it seem, how lo- how long ago?
I was young.
I mean, I would hope.
You just saw it at Thanksgiving.
No, I don't know.
I mean, the "yeah" was more of an implication of like, every kid... I hit the button on here that lowers you a little bit. Oh, uh, I, but, you know, I, I definitely like saw my dad's dick. I don't know where to go from there. It's bowling, bowling, we're bowling, we're bowling. The hole, hole, really big. Sorry, the dad's dick comments just threw me off completely. The dicks are hitting me. No, my dad's dick is in my head, I'm thinking of yours, I'm thinking of yellows.
No, no, but, uh, I, I, like, it is such a, like, maybe it's just the one I went to, it wasn't like modernized yet, because a lot of, the last time I went to a bowling alley that wasn't this most recent time, it was like, the lights were like neon and like, there's like, pink and black everywhere and blah, blah, blah, and like, it's a modernized one, but like, I like a good nineties, early two thousands bowling alley that just smells like shit. Yeah. It looks like shit. Yeah. They've got the snappiest hot dogs you could imagine. Yeah. And the staff is near. They, they hate you. Yeah. They hate, you're a, you're a paying patron in their facility, but they fucking hate your guts. Were the shoes still disgusting?
The grossest shoes I've ever put on. What is the reason why bowling shoes need to look like? It's gotta do with. A Frankenstein version of a shoe. It's gotta be for something with the floor. Or maybe they don't want people to steal them? Oh, I just thought of that. That's a really good point. It's like, they're so ugly, who would wear these? Oh, my god, I know, I know, I know, I know, that there is some bowling alley in New York that's just like, we actually, all our bowling shoes are Nike. Probably. You know, there's that place we went to, what was it called? Like Gutter? Gutter Bar? Yeah. That place is fucking awesome because of the hot dogs, also because of the bowling. Yeah. That place was good. I got kicked out of there once.
And I didn't know.
How do you not know you got kicked out?
You know.
Oh, yeah, you were at, you were, you were elsewhere?
You were in the upside down.
Yeah, yeah. Um, which was an accident, but I was going down the lane, I think.
Oh, like walking down the, oh, like too far when you threw the ball?
Yeah, so I was hitting the deck a lot and they weren't happy.
Cause I'll tell you something about those bowling lanes, they're slick.
Oh, yeah.
Those boys are slick.
Kicked out of a, kicked out of a bowling alley is a new low.
I don't know if I was kicked out. They were like, alright, like they, they wrapped me up. We also used to like, that was like the first place that like as a crew, everyone was able to go and underage drink. Yeah, because some of us had fake IDs, some of us didn't want it, like even with fake IDs, didn't want to test it, but like, everyone went to the bowling alley because we knew the people that bartended there and it was like 18, 19, just go and drink.
Yeah, go crazy. I remember and I used to go there and drink fish bowls.
Yep. And I couldn't even tell you what's in that bitch.
Fish.
I'll tell you what, it was a bowl.
It was like, uh, fucking like a Malibu rum, hypnotic, you know, like high C.
High C.
You know what I'm talking about? Like just like Capri Sun.
When was the last time you were at the bowling alley that we grew up at?
I actually know and it's not a story I want to tell.
I was going for a year.
Oh, 20, 20.
This was happening to you in bowling alley?
2014, 2013.
Does it involve my dad's dick?
No, no, your dad's dick is in no way, shape or form involved in this night. Um, I saw another man piss on another man.
In the, in the bathroom.
Good.
Like.
All over them.
Where?
All over them. I was with my brother-in-law.
It seems like you're just telling the story.
No, no, no, there's a lot, there's a lot that I'm leaving out and I'll tell you why afterward. Uh, but like, one of the things that happened that night was, cause this is when we would order pitchers.
We'd go and it'd be like, that was like a big like twenty, early twenty teens thing like, oh wait, I can get a pitcher beer and not, I just drink out of the pitcher? Like people realized they could do that. And a pitcher of like, Natty Light was like fifteen bucks. And I remember there was a guy there that we know, and another guy there that we also know, one of them passed out drinking, like drunk in the stall, and the kid kicked open the door and pissed all over him.
That's mean.
And I was like, this is fucking insane. And I remember being with, with my brother-in-law and just being like, we can't ever come back here.
It goes down in the bowling alley apparently.
I would go back though.
I wanna go see where the piss happened. I think my sister went and took her kids like recently, like within the last two years.
What you're referencing is Merrick Lanes, well formerly known as Merrick Lanes, I think now it's called like Bolero or something like that?
I have no idea. It was like a story of bowl at one point. It was like three sixty some shit, I don't know.
Yeah, it was a piece of shit.
Are you, are you good at bowling? No. I'm like, I can't spin the ball.
But I'll, I'll like, you know, get some straight lines going.
That's good. I can't do straight line, I mean, no, no, no, I can't do spinning. I could do like, I throw it straight hard.
Damn dude, that's crazy. He's like, when I grip the ball.
It's kinda like.
Would I?
No, no, I could, I could throw, but like, if I'm off a little, I will throw it straight into the gutter. Yeah, like it either goes directly head on, or it goes that way.
Yeah, I'm like, I don't even know. Like, I'll get a couple of strikes. Like, I'm not like terrible.
I used to bowl like this.
That's horrible.
That's bad?
Yeah, that's horrible.
Really? At least I'm not under, you know.
Are you good at bowling?
I'm a two-handed bowler.
You're a two-handed bowler?
Two-handed bowling.
That's embarrassing. It's like jumping into a pool with your.
I kinda throw it like a rugby ball, sort of.
Oh, fuck you. I know exactly the type of guy he is.
The fucking, you know, Dragon Ball Z kid. The Kamehameha.
Yeah, like I, one finger's in the hole, and that's the spin, and you just.
Are you good? This is, you know what? He asked if we're good.
Are you?
Because he knows he's good.
I'm okay. I could beat you two. What's that?
How the fuck do you know?
Wait, yeah, hold on a second.
You just said you were bad.
Well, I don't know how bad I am compared to you.
That wasn't a sentence.
The lack of confidence, probably.
I, you know what? No. Now, if it's a competition, I'll fucking beat you both.
What a.
We could do this.
What, what, what's the highest you bowled?
Oh, I don't know. One sixty something?
Yeah, like one fifty, maybe.
I think I've bowled a one fifty.
Here's the thing, I'm either getting a strike, or I'm not getting anything. Like, I'm either getting a strike, or I'm getting five pins, and then I'm missing the spare. I don't go for spare.
Um, I don't even know what I would usually bowl. I mean, I don't think that I would bowl under a hundred. Like, I think that was pretty, that's pretty bad.
If you, if, under a hundred is you don't really go around on a first date to bowling.
You know what's always, it's funny.
Bowling is, that's a great first date thing.
But it's funny you bring that up, because I remember, like, bowling is one of those things that's like, maybe not this. If you're like horrible at it. And then ice skating. I see couples all the time that go ice skating and it's like,
I always think of just friends.
One of you, you just can't do it.
Yeah, I always think of just.
Why are you here?
I think of just friends where he's.
Were you there that one time though? We were at, uh, Central Park and we went to the ice skating rink. And there was a couple there and the dude was horrible. And I was like, damn, this is rough. And he eventually hit the deck at one point. I didn't see him fall, but I turned around. He's got blood just ru- rushing from his face.
That's embarrassing.
I'm like, dude, get out of here.
No second date for that person. At all.
I don't know if it was a first date, but like.
Yeah, bowling is one of those things that like, you need to confidently bowl a at least 100 to go on a date with someone there.
You have to be able to like hit a strike every now and then, but if you're hitting like five gutters in a row, like, what are we doing here?
Yeah, first date, you need to, you need to pull out like at least a 100 score. At least. And one of those 100 need to be a strike. If not.
You need to do that, yeah.
You're in trouble.
I don't know how to ice skate.
You can't ice skate?
I, I, I could stay up. I can't move. That's not ice skating.
Ice standing, I believe.
I could stand.
I s- I could stand.
I could, I stand.
Yeah. I can skate, but like not like a fucking hockey player.
I can't get over the fact that you bowl with two hands. Yo, if we were in high school at the same time, I would have fucking hated you.
That's fine. You would have lost in bowling.
Wow. We knew p- we knew kids that bowled like on their like high school team.
Yeah, one of our friends, I watched him bowl to 300. See, that's.
I've also seen him bowling a 300. Like, I've seen him do it and then I saw him doing it and getting like to the last frame and our friend bowled in his frame by accident.
Yo.
And he felt so bad.
Oh my god.
I would have been that person. I know I would have been that. No, I wasn't on purpose. I know, I would have done it on purpose. Yeah. You could prank Frank. I'd prank Frank. I would have like- Let me just destroy this for you. I mean, but that doesn't make sense. You could go back and reset. No, I mean, you ha- if you're gonna bowl a 300 for like the bowling alley, you have to like submit. Like you have to like show that it happened. Really? Yeah. You can't just go back. They're computers. They can't see like, oh, so and so bowled a 300. If you edit, then it doesn't count. It does like the star-
I, you know what? We should, do you think they have like, if we went to our like neighborhood bowling alley, would we be able to see like?
Any names we recognize bowling a 300? Is our friend's name up there? I, I mean, if there is one like that, then yeah, it is. I watched him do it there. But, uh. How long do you think it would take you if you were locked in a bowling alley to bowl a 300? That sounds like a picky boys video if I've ever heard of one. Yeah. Where it's like, Danny's not leaving until he finishes four bottles of Doritos vodka or bowls of 300. That's, that's really hard, cause you get tired too. Yeah, you're throwing around a 20-pound ball. Barstool does shit like that, where it's like, you gotta hit like- Yeah, they're fucking hysterical too. Our fantasy football punishment is you have to go to a gym and hit 300 threes before you can leave.
Okay, who lost? My friend Marco. He will be there all night. Yeah, not good. 300 threes is a lot. 300 is a ton, dude. Yeah. But maybe a week? A month? To what? Do a bowling?
A 300? A month, maybe? I have to be in there for a month? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know that I could ever do that. Yeah, I don't, I don't think I'd ever be able to do that. I'd reach a point of like insanity that I would just leave. I would need a coach also. Like if I could be there with a coach, I could probably get it done like months.
I have to say, like, like when I was, when we were just bowling, like my hand starts to cramp and hurt. Like my, my like inner palm. Your palm? Yeah, like it started to like- Slap at this thing on its ass? No, but like just, I don't know what, what I was doing, but like it started to hurt and I was just like, I can't do more than, we played like a game and a half, because the kids were like starting to lose it. I don't think I could do more than two games.
Did you guys get bumps?
So, the one that we went to, it does bumpers for specific.
Like, it's like, it's like computed now.
So like, it'll be like, for certain bowlers, it'll be bumpers. And then they'll, literally like, when it's like, my turn, it'll, they'll just go down. Which I was like, yo, I mean, I'll bump, I'll bump it up, you know, we don't need to put them down.
Dude, I don't even know that I could be, you can't even beat like, an actual, like, good bowler, if you had.
We, that would be a good video, if we had a professional bowler come in, and it's like, three of us versus him. Or her.
Crazy.
Oh, and it's like a scramble, so like.
Best, best, best ball.
Best lane? No, I'm saying like, if it was like, a professional bowler.
And then, three of us. Or two of us, two of us, and we have to combine to beat this professional bowler.
Just get a professional.
Oh, we could do that.
Professional like.
Oh, no, we can't do that.
Why not? An actual professional bowler?
I know, that's the point, is that that would be funny.
We'd get like, professional like, high school bowler or something.
Yeah, they could beat us. Yeah, I mean, but a high schooler, if they lose, they're gonna get bullied for it, like, let it be like, a professional like, bowler. I think it's good, to be bullied.
That's why I'm not allowing you to get tickled.
To your father. Full circle. Full circle.
Your father, whose penis we're not thinking about.
We're not in one, and we're not thinking about your dad's dick either.
Only Frankie.
I'm not thinking about his dad's dick.
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Man, bowling. Who would have thought this would be a bowling episode?
I mean, I haven't bowled in...
Talked a good amount about bowling.
We should go bowling.
We could do a Standing Out City's bowling video. We could.
If we went there on like a weekday, there's probably no one in there.
Or we could call and say, "Hey, give us two lanes so we could film." I'm sure that the bowling alley would be like, "Yeah." What are they gonna say? No. Alright, fuck you bowling. Fuck you, Mr. Bowling. Yeah, like who the fuck, like... We have to wear cool shoes. Bowling. I mean, those shoes are arguably garbage. I will say this, that place, the one in Astoria that we used to go to, those hot dogs might have awakened my hot dog-loving ability. Really? That's where it started? Those are good hot dogs, dude. And Elm Jack and Icy P. See, now that I think about it, a lot of, just hot dogs.
Now that I think about it, just hot dogs awakened. He's named everywhere you could get a hot dog. Yeah, in Astoria, like any time of the day. Damn, Icy P hot dogs, I remember those. I used to, so when I worked at Elm Jack, for those of you guys that don't know, Elm Jack, is it still around? Yeah. It's a Little League baseball spot in, I guess technically, East Elmhurst, right? Uh, and I used to work, that was like my first, like, off-the-books job. Cause I was a groundskeeper there, and I would just go to the snack stand and just eat hot dogs. That's a good gig. Dude. And then I'd ride a cart around and put some clay on a pitcher's mound, and I was the fucking happiest kid on the planet. And I was making ten dollars an hour. Ooh! At like thirteen.
I don't know that I ever made ten dollars an hour. You're making it, you're making it now. I'm making it now! Now you're making it! But yeah, any of the jobs that I had, what was my first actual job? Before you answer, what was your first actual job? I'd love to hear this.
Pizza delivery.
Wow, okay.
Five bucks an hour.
Five bucks an hour?
Plus tips, obviously.
And the tips is really where you do it.
Did you do well on tips?
I did well on tips.
What'd you usually, like, a good night?
Oh, I don't know, a good?
And how many nights did you work a week?
When I was working there, you know, I work, I do things well. It was a...
That's, that's what I'm trying to do.
I think it was five days a week, six?
Oh wow.
It would be, it would be, it would be good, a hundred, maybe?
A hundred a night?
Yeah, a hundred.
You were making fifty-two thousand dollars? I forgot how...
What Frank?
You were making fifty-two thousand dollars?
I just completely forgot how stuff... No, actually, I'm not off. If you make a thousand dollars a week.
What were you, how many, what, you were making?
If you're working, let's say-
You said on a good night.
Okay, on a good-
Yeah, yeah, good night, yeah.
Alright, so on average, what would you make a night?
I dunno, seventy, sixty?
Seventy times-
Mine was similar.
Seventy times five, three fifty. And you would work how many hours?
Five? Four?
Four hours, so- So, twenty a day, times, five, so let's-
Yep, you got it.
Two hundred.
Where are we?
What do-
Alright, so like, five fifty a week.
Sure.
Let's say six hundred to round it off.
Why'd you make it me?
Hoping I'm on, hoping I did the math correct.
But then there's like, there's gas, if you ever ding your car, it's a very, it's a very-
Well, yeah, and you also get-
Do you have any like, fun stories from delivering pizzas?
Um, on Valentine's Day, someone in a, in a robe with nothing underneath, gave me a hundred bucks.
A woman?
Yeah, woman.
Whoa! She had her thing out? She had her penis out?
It was more like a very long V.
But you saw-
Oh, but you saw like, the top of her-
Was she older?
Older.
How old?
Oh, I dunno, fifties?
Oh, so she was-
She was there.
She wanted the young bull.
I dunno.
She, she wanted-
She gave you a hundred dollars?
Hundred dollar bill.
How much did you, what did she order?
Just a pizza, a regular pie.
One pizza, she tipped you a hundred dollars?
You know, you know-
On Valentine's Day, that's a crazy thi- am I, am I bugging, like, that's a crazy thing to get on Valentine's Day? Pizza?
Brother, how about the naked answering the door tipping to die a hundred dollars? Whatever about that. That's crazy, obviously, we're not dealing with the same-
I'm telling you right now, each of the people in these, in this room is gonna get to a point where they don't care about that anymore.
Care about what?
Being naked.
I am definitely going to care if the do- if someone's coming to deliver something to my house to put clothes on.
I argue that you will not.
I don't know what you're even basing that on.
Um, just knowledge of things.
I had a guy too, when I delivered pizzas, that every single time that I would show up to his house, he was in tighty-whities and he was sweating his ass off. Like, every single time. But he wasn't weird. Like, it was like, it was normal. It was almost like he was like, working out. But it was every time I went to his house.
I didn't, I, I never worked in, in that industry, so I have no stories about that.
The delivering pizzas, though. I've never had any of that.
You see some things.
Was it, it was like a local pizzeria, or was it like a Domino's or something?
Local, local.
Did you, uh, you ever drop the pizza?
No, I've never dropped a pizza, but one of my friends who also worked there delivered a ghost pizza is what we called it, and he got fired for it.
What's a ghost pizza?
He got to the door, pulled out the pizza box, there was just no pizza in the box.
What happened to the pizza?
He just grabbed a box instead of the pizza on the oven.
He didn't tell immediately?
He, he, uh, pertook in some, uh, some lettuce quite often.
He wasn't, he wasn't a good delivery driver.
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Yeah, one time I was walking to the, to the fucking door, and you have like, the little thing that keeps it warm. And I'm walking, and I hit a patch of black ice. Dude, I went up like, fucking.
Like a Looney Tune?
Yeah, dude, I went up in the air like Home Alone 2, and landed on my back, and the whole pizza just flipped over. And I literally just got to the front, I was just like, "Here you go!", and I just got out of there. I fucking peeled out, cause I was like, their pizza's all over the top of this thing.
It happens.
That sucks. I used to, yo, there's nothing like working in a pizzeria. You could just grab a slice, whenever. It's amazing.
Dude, I wish.
It was so good.
I wish I could work in a pizzeria, right now.
I honestly would. We should, you know what? You know how like, there was a, I'm coming up with Santa Gato Studios videos right now that are really good. What if we just did a day where it was just like, we partnered with a pizzeria and we just sling pizza and like, make a video out of it?
Bro, I used to slang them.
And I'm just saying like, if we were just like, "Yo, we're doing, we're doing this day, we're filming a Santa Gato Studios video, we're gonna be making and selling pizza at this pizzeria in Astoria."
Now we're getting crazy, this is illegal, Frank.
Why?
Because the place has to like, you have, there's like, you know, they have, there's like, health codes and shit.
Who the fuck is gonna come for a little, you know, mom and pop pizza shop?
I don't know. I don't know that you could just be like, oh, we're just gonna sell pizza that we made.
No, at a pizzeria, like, we make it, like, there. Sure, we'll go through a couple hours of, like, food training.
So you get hired by the pizzeria for a day, you're trained?
Dude, with the pizzeria that I worked at, like, the last pizzeria that I worked at, the guy who made the pizzas was so little, this little Italian guy, I think his name was Mario.
Honestly, the shorter the Italian man, the better the pizza.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Um, I, uh, he used to have me, like, put the pizzas in, cause he couldn't. So I'm like, no, I'm basically doing every job in here, bro. R.I.P. to that pizza place. I loved that place so much. Which one? Gone. Oh, Portobello?
Portobello.
Yeah, Portobello. I was talking about Antonio's. But that's like a restaurant now.
So you worked at two pizza places?
Yeah, I worked at Antonio's, dude. I, like, when they first opened, I, like, applied for a job and I got it.
Antonio's had good pizza, too. I think they're still there, are they?
I think they're like a restaurant.
It has nothing to do with you.
Comes with the name.
I hated working there.
Never, I take it back.
Definitely comes with the name.
I did everything at that place. I was, like, bagging shit in the basement. I did one, well, the best part about that job, though, was that one of our chefs used to make these things for dessert. They were little, um, cheesecakes. And I used to fucking slam them when no one was looking.
Do you subscribe to the mentality of, like, every person should do, like, one job in the service industry in their point in their life?
I think so. I think it gives you perspective, you know, with what people have to deal with, because if you don't have that perspective, then you, you never, like, obviously, this is obvious now, but, like, you never, you, you don't know what it's like dealing with people in that way, because no matter what.
You're kind of, you're representing this place, so you have to have a wall and people just like beat you up all day for the most part. Like they're ordering stuff and they're very like entitled in the way that they order things and they're a little-
That's how retail is too.
These people, like they believe that you are below them because they are buying some, like they think that they're buying something and it's like paying for your salary, you know what I mean? Yeah, or like you walk in here, "I don't work for you, I work for the store. I'm here to help, but I'm not a slave." I feel like with food, I can imagine it's really bad because it's like, there's like a sense of like, specifically with like, most of the restaurants we're going to are like, you know, like owned by a family, you know what I mean? Like-
So like, there is a sense of just like, "This place keeps the lights on because I am here."
Right, yeah.
You know, like, "I am a, I am a constant patron here." So like, they feel like, "Cater to me."
And that sucks.
You're also dealing with hungry people and depending on the person, that's like the worst person to deal with.
Yeah, hungry, like, I, I legitimately know people that like, when they're hungry, they're like angry, like hangry, like the, the, the saying.
I don't know if this is a hot take, I'm probably gonna just grow up.
I know, I agree.
You know what I'm, like, no, but people like, I feel like I've gotten flipped the other way. People like, "No, you don't understand." It's like, well, everyone gets hungry. Like, just like, relax.
I think people probably have like, undiagnosed like, blood sugar things that like, that is explaining why they react certain ways, but like- Blood sugar makes you an ang- like a rude person? I'm not, not, but like, like, something like, where they need to keep their blood sugar at a certain level or like-
Yeah, I still don't think that you should be rude, I don't care.
I, I, I'm not-
Bro, one time-
I'm not justifying it.
One time we had-
This couple come in and they ordered like a gluten free pizza. And this was like when gluten, the gluten shit was very new. And um, the guy just started freaking out. In the restaurant, like there's mad people around and like we tried to give him his pizza or whatever. I wasn't involved in this interaction, but I was like, yo, why is this guy bugging out? And they were like giant crackers essentially, like the gluten free like uh crusts and the guy just started screaming and I don't know what was going on. Maybe he thought the pizza we gave them wasn't gluten free or something and he goes, no, I need to know, no, she will die. And he starts screaming.
She will die if she eats this. I was like, whoa, which I get the concern, but yo, not a screaming in the fucking
That's what like owning a restaurant is such a cool like concept for like point five seconds and then you think of shit like that and it like immediately goes out the window.
Well, I got, I told you this story. I think I told the story on here in mad times, but I got in trouble because like I'm not good at that. Like I'm good to a certain extent, but when people get a little crazy that I'm like, okay, I can't now you're taking me out of this thing. But a guy called me and was just like, our, our, the soda you gave us isn't, is warm. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Like we're very busy right now. So I probably didn't spend a lot of time in the fridge that we have right here. So whatever, like a two little bottle. He's like, yeah, uh, what are we gonna do about this? And I was like, I, I'm not, I don't know. I don't know what to do. Like I'm sorry. Like, you know, it's blah, blah, blah. We're busy. And he's like, yeah, uh, uh, I prefer my soda to be cold. And I said, put ice in it. And my manager grabbed the phone from me. Cause I was like, bro, what the fuck do you want me to do? I'm fucking nineteen working here.
I get what you're saying because you're being treated a certain way, but like
I also kind of understand where that person is coming from. Like if I'm ordering something and it comes not in the like in my, whether it be in my head or not, in the condition at which I think it's going to come or like the
It's a two liter bottle of soda.
Regardless, like it's not about
You get it at the grocery store and it's in the fucking aisle.
Yeah, that's a good point. That is a good point, but nonetheless, like the quality of something like when it comes not good, like it's like, oh, well, like this is not what I wanted.
I mean, it's just, what would you have?
Yo, I'm gonna say something real honest for a sec.
You ready?
I think that the, like, every restaurant now you could basically order for takeout sucks.
I fucking hate that concept.
Like, certain food just doesn't travel well. So like, back in the days where like, the only like, stuff you can get for delivery was basically...
Like, fast food?
Chi- no. But like, back in the day, the only food you can get for delivery was like, Chinese and pizza. That was it. Like, if you want it, like, uh, tacos don't travel well. You know what I mean? Like, Italian doesn't travel well.
Yeah, but you're supposed to know that and like, think about that and not order that, then.
Yeah, but it's, uh, but now, every, every restaurant now has the option for takeout, and I feel like that sucks.
Well-
What sucks? That they have the option?
Yeah. Why does that suck?
Because I don't want them to have that. I'm serious, because like, certain restaurants used to be like, "No, our food doesn't do well when it travels." So like, "It's going to make us look bad if you order for takeout, so we're just not gonna offer that."
Sure, I don't, I mean, I think it would, unless you're, uh, like, a fine dining restaurant, I think it would be foolish to be like, "Well, people order. This is how people consume."
So, so if a restaurant, you know, had steak that delivered, would you order that for delivery?
There you go.
Because why?
Doesn't travel well. There you go.
You crushed it. You're crushing it.
But then, but then, but then, but how is that, but how?
But then, they should, they should be like, "We're not doing that, because you..."
Yes. Honestly, I agree.
The world was better when restaurants were just like, "No, I'm not fucking doing that."
I also am a little, I guess, if I'm ordering something, I'm not expecting the full experience anyway.
Like, I don't care.
It's so tough, because like, I have ordered, like, for delivery-
You're a food snob! Yeah, seems like it, maybe a little.
I don't think I'm a food snob, but like, if something comes through, like, and it's not good, I'm turned off to that place. But I also, at the same time, I'm like, "Oh, I don't think that was a good representation of what I was trying to get out of this."
Bro, I can picture Frank so clearly getting food that he ordered and taking a bite and going,
"Dude, yes!"
It's fucking soggy. Yo, that's, I'm not kidding. If that's, if that's what you define as a food snob, yes, I am. No, no, no, I know that, like, I, but I could see that, I could see that. But like, I, I guess. But like, there are certain food, like, let's use a fucking, let's use like, uh, like tacos as an example. Yeah. There are a lot of places that do like quesadillas. A quesadilla is supposed to be like, kinda like a layer of crisp, and then like the cheese and the fluff on the inside. You get it and it's all fucking, because it's like, it's staying in the speed box. I understand why it happens. Okay, but, but, but that's important. Because that's like buying a fake Gucci bag on Canal Street and being like, it's falling apart. It's like, you fucking got the fist one. No, no, but, but then, I don't, like, I am saying that it will turn me off to that place, but then I think like, oh,
that's probably not what's representative of the food that they're trying to make. So like, I kinda wish they just didn't do that.
You know what's, you know what's a good judge of a place? When you, uh, not like a fast food, but a restaurant burger, and they send you a burger via takeout, if they put the bun separate in a separate container, that's a good place.
I have come across zero places that have ever done that.
I've had one place that does it, that's a good place.
Why, so it doesn't?
So it doesn't get soggy?
It's a, it's, I, I, I opened it, went, oh, it's the best place ever. I had the opposite effect. It's like, oh, this place is, they care.
I don't even like, I don't really care much about that.
Right.
Because, like, if it's bread, it's soft, like, it's, in my opinion, a good wet burger is gonna get the bread soggy anyways. Like, I don't need like, you know, like a super crisp and crunchy, I'm also weird with burgers, like, I kinda don't like them to be too tall. Yeah, who likes that? Like, when, like, listen, I know it's a good bread, but like, when people, like, have you guys seen those TikToks where it's like, people making fun of like millennial burger joints? Yeah. And it's like, they're not called appetizers, they're called shareables. Yeah, yeah. Handhelds, you know, like, everything is like red brick and everything, and exposed, just like this, like exposed venting, and, but, when it's like, a burger, and then it comes on a brioche bun, that's like, it adds like six inches to the thing. Yeah, I'm good.
I'm like, come on, dude, just give me, just kinda like, again, and maybe it's because I grew up going to like, diners that were kind of a bit of a hole in the wall sometimes, it could be a flat sesame seed bun and I'm fine with that. Yeah. Like, when you, when you fuck up the ratio of meat to pat, uh, uh, of meat to, to bun, fuck you. So if you-
When you order like a pasta, right? And it shows up and it's not hot. Not that it's freezing. But like, are you like, this is fucking bullshit?
No, I, I, I don't think like, temperature, I, I mean, I'm not pumped about it when it comes cold.
You know, I, I, I am, like, I hate to say this, though, I do like, leave reviews and comments.
Oh, no, you're a Yelp guy?
Not a Yelp guy. I'm not, I haven't done it a lot. I've done it twice. And the only two times it was because it was the same restaurant consistently. So then I was just like, I'm done.
You fuckers.
I, I left a review and I, and I deleted the app. I didn't like wait for someone to hit me up. I left a review and I just said like, yo, listen.
I'm done with this fucking app.
I'm done with this place because like, their food was great and now I'm getting the food, like, I would get like wings undressed in sauce. I would get food just fucking cold. You know, I got like, once I got like a smoothie for, for myself or Becca or something and it came, like completely like, you know when smoothies melt and they separate?
Like that. So like, at that point, I know, I'm not being like a, you know, this place needs to close. I'm just saying like, yo, my experience was disappointing. I'm not asking for anything, so buy. And I fucking, and I delete the app. I'm not like a Yelp-er that's like, I'm gonna tear these people apart. They need to make it right.
You said there was two.
They were both for the same restaurant, for the same issue.
I thought you wrote different things.
No, for the same issue. Have you ever left a review?
But yo, can I ask a question? I get why like, like fucking cereal Yelpers are an issue. I get that.
But like, with like these food delivery apps, isn't that not like contributing to some degree to like the success of the app or the restaurant?
Uh, yeah, I mean, I, I, I just wouldn't. That's the only difference. Like, I think, yes, cuz I would say that like, uh, I'm okay with people giving a rating of the restaurant. When people write words, that's nuts to me.
Yeah, I always lean towards the, oh, you probably did something wrong.
But like with anything, I mean, I, it's not, it's not exclusive to restaurants. Like, I think like any sort of review outside of like, I guess, technology or something, or I don't know. Like, I think, I don't know, maybe I don't even mean that. I don't know.
I just, cause like, I definitely, like, I'm not even gonna lie, like, I feel like PRG, post-review guilt. You know, where it's just like, who do I think I am, what am I doing, but then I come back to the like, oh, but this is what, like, this is the feedback that people need? Like, imagine a world where like, we're doing the podcast, or you're doing, or we're doing comedy, or whatever. And everyone's just going like, they either tell you it's good, or they don't say anything.
Uh huh.
You would wanna be like, yo, someone needs to kind of be honest and real with me a little bit here. And I'm not doing it for the sense of like, getting something out of it, but like, and I'm not doing it a lot, I've done it twice, but like, there is a justification in my head that like, I am doing something that like, is beneficial to someone to some degree.
I just, it, I guess it really just depends, I mean, the general, uh, feeling of people who leave like, detailed reviews is like, very pretentious to me. Like, you know what I mean, like, there's like this air around people being like, oh, well, I had a bad experience at this restaurant, so I'm going to write a bunch of, you know, whatever, like, oh, the waitress didn't fill our waters, or whatever, like, little stuff like that, I mean, if I, if I go to a restaurant and I don't have a good experience, I'm just not gonna go back.
Well, I've never done this for going into a place and dining and then leaving. Yeah, I've never done that, and I don't see myself doing that, because yes, I'm under the same mentality. If I don't like it, I'll just be like, I'm never going there again.
But like, even that is a form of a feedback.
When you, when you...
I was furious and I needed to let someone know.
But like, what, my point is like, what is, what is the thing that you're trying to do with the review? You're trying to be like, fuck you, right?
Not fuck you, but just like, I don't know what is going on, but this was my experience, and it was disappointing. No, no, no, it was, it was through, it was through the app.
Oh, I would, I would much rather call them and be like, bro, you guys fucked this up.
No, because in my opinion, if I'm doing that, then I'm like, then I'm talking to a representative, and it's like, it's either, that person's just gonna be like, oh, this isn't for me, whatever, I don't give a fuck. You know, like, when it gets like, do those like, food apps, like...
Whoever runs the restaurant, the manager or whatever could see that and should be like, alright, this is, we could use this to like be better and like, and eventually they actually emailed me. I feel like they aren't using it like that.
So you're trying to help?
I mean, he's a hero.
You're being...
No, no, no, stop that, stop that, stop that.
You're trying to fix the establishment?
I'm trying to be a martyr. And like if this is the cross I must bear in order to make somebody else's dining experience better. Yeah, but you weren't doing that.
I'm joking, I'm joking. I was gonna, I'm gonna pull you into this, so at our diner, we read a review. And the review just said, "These are your people, so you can't judge them."
No, no, no, don't fucking "your people" me.
These are your people.
Don't fucking "your people" me. Because I am not doing this, I've done it twice in fucking years of having these eggs.
You wrote one review, you wrote them all.
Fuck you, I would've killed you.
The diner, the review said, "The eggs were alright, but the waiter, the waitress had a fat ass."
Okay, come on, man. And like, so something like that is like... Well, unless it's like for a joke.
I don't think so.
I mean, that, don't even fucking loop me in with those people.
Obviously you're not looped in with those people.
Like, I'm not sitting, I'm sitting there and I'm being like, yo, this was my experience. Whether it be because, like, I'm not saying it's like, someone needs to be held accountable. Like, those are the people that piss me off. I knew someone that, in college, and they like got fired from their job for a bad Yelp review. I think, unless it's like a prolonged issue, I think that's fucking crazy, but like, if you're writing a review, whether it be for a restaurant or for whatever, it shouldn't be just like, "You should be ashamed." You, someone needs to be held accountable. It should just be like, yo, I got my food. This was an issue that happened with my food. I don't know whose fault it is, but like, maybe you need to address this.
That's it.
I think like, to be honest, again, I'm not a serial reviewer. But like, I think that that does have value to some degree. If I, I mean, if I was a business owner of a restaurant or something, I would value that shit.
You, but if, like, yes, but also like, this is like, and this is all the other, this is why I just don't partake. Is because I don't know how much of an effect I can have.
It's not even about having an effect, because you might not ever see the fruits of your labor, like you, you.
No, but I might, but I'm saying like, if the place got shut down because people are like, you know, because that happens to places, especially now with like TikTok and the food reviewers. People go into a place, they have a bad experience, they make a video about it, the shit goes viral. This place is fucked now.
Because you, because you had a bad experience and like, oh, the food was na ba ba. Like, this has happened, I've watched it happen to certain places where like an influencer goes in and like, either tells a story that isn't true, or talks about, you know, whatever, or like, oh, this is definitely like, not what they say it is or whatever. And the people have to defend themselves and hope that they're seeing as many people as them. And like, that's why I'm like, when it comes to restaurants, because by the way, when it comes to hotels, or it comes to airlines or whatever, I'm fucking in that email, letting them have it because who cares, they have a ton of money.
What is the difference between that and what I did?
Because I'm not shutting down the airline, they're just giving me shit for free.
If, if, if my one review for a food item shuts down the restaurant, there is a bigger issue at play.
I mean, I think that restaurants are just, there's way more turnover in the restaurant business than there is with the hotel and like, because it's not boutique hotels, it's like a hotel and an airline, like a restaurant, if I go in there and I write a review and I'm like, there was a fucking mouse in the soup, but I'm not, but I'm not putting it on for parade, like, I'm not taking my review and being like, everyone, look, look, look, look.
I'm not accusing you of that, I'm saying that's why I stay out of it.
But, but even, even, like, I know you're not accusing me of that, but like, in that example, like, you could kind of wade through some of the bullshit, like, and like, you as, as, as a, as a normal, average consumer can kind of wave through, wade through some of that bullshit, but like, it's almost subjective if you're like, yo, like, let's use chicken wings as an example. I got chicken wings, I, I got the buffalo sauce, there was no sauce on these wings, that's an objective issue.
And like, that's something that someone can pinpoint and should be like, guys, as a staff, let's just do this a little bit more, uh, better.
So the thing, the thing that would cross my mind is like, the buffalo, buffalo wings show up without the buffalo sauce. I don't think that's indicative of the restaurant. So like me leaving a review and being like-
Who else is it indicative of?
Uh, like, I think it was a mistake.
Yes, and, and, and the mistake is made by whom?
Yeah, but if I write a review of saying like, my wing showed up without the sauce, then doesn't that make other people reading that go, "Oh, either this restaurant is careless in the way that they packed our food, or this is how they serve their wings."
Well, to be clear, I, it happened several times and then I left a review, because I was just like, alright. I thought maybe the first time it was a mistake, maybe the second time it was a blunder. The third, fourth, fifth time-
I would say that, that that's just how they're served, probably.
No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because I've gotten them dozens of times before.
Got it.
I would just call them and be like, "Yo, you guys gave me wings and there's no sauce."
What's going on here?
Like, can you either send the sauce, or, you know, refund me?
Yeah, but that's not, but if it's through like DoorDash, or, or Uber Eats, or something like that-
Oh, they're even better. They send it like this.
They refund you quick.
Yeah, you go-
That's what I'm saying, like-
I would rather that.
And that's, that's what I am saying there.
So like, in those circumstances, like, that's, that is an objective piece of like, oh, something did, a mistake was made.
Let's, let's, let's fix this.
Well, that's the difference. If a mistake is made, I'll call the restaurant and be like, "You guys made a mistake, and we'll figure out if they can either refund something, or send it, you know, I forgot this, or whatever."
Done that a couple of times.
There was, there was one time, I saw my pizza delivery be, uh, coming down the block, and it was this person on the back of a Vespa, and the pizza, just horizontal. Vertical.
Oh, oh, like-
Like, like they were holding it under their arm like a briefcase.
And it was just up against the-
Dude, I, I saw them coming down the street, I opened the door again, I said, "Guys, order another pizza."
They came, boxed.
And, so in a situation like that, well, it, it really depends where I am too, like- If if I'm ordering pizza and it's just me, I'm gonna eat whatever shows up.
Okay. I wish, I hope I still have a picture.
But if it was something like that, I would call the restaurant and be like, hey, like, your guy served me a pizza that was completely up against the side of the thing. Like, can we get another pizza going? And like, make sure it's straight this time. And I would just wait for it. But if I leave a review and be like, this pizza showed up and it was fucked up and blah, blah, blah. That could potentially, like, people are gonna read that review and go, oh, this this place serves fucked up pizza. I'm not going there.
I found the review. Oh, my God, please read it, please. And I'm just reading it and I sound a little more cunty than I think I'm.
Can I read it?
I'm gonna read it, I'm gonna read it. Okay, okay, okay. I'm gonna read it. It's from January 10th of 2025.
Oh, we're coming up on the fucking anniversary here.
Yeah. Um, I put the thumbs down, didn't like.
The order was for fifteen piece wings, buffalo, and a milkshake.
Oh, we're going big. You go big, you go home.
And here's what I wrote.
Kind of milkshake.
Probably, uh, I mean, it definitely wasn't for me, because I don't, I'm not a big milkshake guy. It was probably for Becca, so chocolate.
Nice.
And I quote, I will obviously be omitting the name of the place.
Second time in a row that they didn't sauce the wings.
Didn't sauce the wings? Verb.
It's been a recurring issue and I gave it one more shot after last time.
So far, so good.
Okay. Here's a very.
This place has had a steep drop in quality.
Jeez.
And the place won't let me request additional sauce.
Because that's what I tried to do. I tried to like, go like, under like, special, you know how it'd be like, special requests? And like, you get, some of the places will be like, they don't take special requests. So fuck you, basically.
Unfortunately, I'll no longer be ordering from in a certain name of this place. I would give it zero stars if I could.
Cause like the lowest you could give is one star.
Yeah. The fact that you made me give one is sickening.
That's not that bad. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's not bad. I found the other one. Is the other one bad? It's for a Spanish place. Okay. Uh, empanadas and yuca fries were solid, but everything else was flavorless and bland.
That was bad. Who does that help? That was cunty. That one, that one's bad. That one's, I'm a bitch there. I'll agree on that one. That one sucks. That one sucks.
Everything else was flavorless and bland.
Um. Yuca fries, really? Unbelievable. One of my favorites. Uh, they, so they, they had reached out to me. Which, the Spanish place? No, the, the other place. The wing, the sauceless place?
Sauceless wings?
Didn't sauce the wings?
And I, they had, they had reached out five days later, but I had deleted the app and I swore off I would never use it again. Right. Not today. Ten days later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They wrote, "So, this is terrible. Your feedback is what makes us better at the end of the day.
With your feedback, we're going to add extra sauce as an option. Not getting your wing sauce is concerning and we will address it with our kitchen. Here's some money if you want to order again from us." And they sent me, how much did they send me?
Twenty-five dollars.
They did the right thing. Did you? I honestly, I don't think I ever ordered from them again. It'd be so funny if they kept your name, you did it again, no sauce.
Bro, if I was that place, I would've sent fifteen chicken bones.
I was gonna say, I would've sent uncooked chicken.
It would just be no meat, no sauce, just bones.
It's just bones and the sauce, no meat.
So. Fifteen sauces. That wasn't too bad, right? No, no, no. Well, I, I do know people that are like, I know, like I said, I know someone that got fired from a Yelp review, and it was the funniest thing I've ever read. The review was just like, we came in like, an hour before closing and this person was pissed, so they threw the menus at us. Shit like that. Yeah, they deserved to get fired. That kinda stuff, like, I think is fine. Like, things that aren't a mistake. You know, like if the food is cold, or you, you forgot something, I think those are mistakes. People mistreating you, like. I agree. That's totally different. The only place that the waitstaff has like, they're bulletproof, is at diners.
These people, you, they should, they, honestly, it's almost better if they're more miserable. And they hate you. Because if you get like a happy person at a diner. Not getting the diner experience. You need a, what do you want? We don't have that shit. We don't, like, and I'm not talking like, Dick's Last Resort, you remember that place? No. You remember, it was like a chain restaurant, like Hooters, where like, you walk in and the people are just like, alright, what do you want, small cock? And they'd write like, fucking like, you know. Loser. Loser on a hat and put it on a person. Yeah. I'm not talking that. I'm talking like a legitimately miserable person that's worked at the same diner since the 50s. Yeah.
Put a cigarette on me, but give me my lumberjack special, you know what I mean? Lumberjack special, what the fuck is that? It's like a lumberjack breakfast. Is that like pancakes? Pancakes. Sausage links, bacon, eggs. Toast. See, now I'm hungry. It's the new year, I've been eating like a.
Now we gotta go now. I've been on my new year's resolution kick and eating like a fucking deer. So, any talk about pizza, and then this, and bowling, now I'm hungry. Get this kid in a bowling alley, let him run wild. Uh, but yeah, that's all we have for today's episode, folks. Thanks for, uh, tuning in. Frank, where can they find you? The Frank Alvarez all over social media, and then, uh, Patreon, patreon.com slash thebasementyard, and, uh, yeah. And where can they not a chance? You guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato, go follow the show at thebasementyard on TikTok and Instagram, that is all. I'm kidding, do you wanna say what your thing is? Just kidding again. You can find Ant at tbytourmerch.com. TBY Tour Merch. That's his handle, yeah. Yeah. Yep.
See you guys next time.
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