The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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16,398 words · 6 speakers
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going bud? He's upset, and you upset?
I couldn't be more upset.
We're all upset because YouTube is being a little bit, a little, you know...
Homophobic, say it.
Say it, well, just be careful.
You're pointing at me, you saw that point? Shit, yes, no!
Damn, you actually did.
And this counts in addition to... So for those of you guys that don't know, if you're seeing this, you're probably a little confused. You're probably doing the old-timey, like, cleaning of the eyes thing that they did back in the old cartoons. This is attached to an episode that we previously recorded. Yes, we're wearing different outfits. Joe is also, what you don't see, he's wearing a butt plug. Why? Because we have to revisit the conversation of heated rivalry.
That's not why I'm... Wait, hold on, I'm not wearing it.
Wearing it? Like, you have one?
We have to, we have to, no.
They also technically don't know we're wearing different clothes yet.
That's true. We had to record the beginning of this episode again because we put out an episode talking about heated rivalry, and we watched the first... Well, I watched two episodes, and they watched the first episode, so we all were getting an idea of the show, and we started reviewing it because that's what people wanted, and we put it out on YouTube for our patrons a week ahead, and it just kept getting age-restricted.
Yes, why? Because YouTube was just like, "Hold on." They were twirling their mustache. I imagine Big YouTube has a twirly mustache. And they were just like, "What are they talking about?"
About?
We gotta make sure they don't pander this to, to the youngest, to their defense. It was a pretty graphically discussed episode.
Yeah, I mean, they, they were probably right.
I, I will take full blame. Uh, I think that I Didn't hold back on the review. You, you, you, you are the Hollander in this situation.
No.
The blame, if the blame is
No, he was, he was the Russian guy.
Ilya, you are Hollander and you gotta take it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Oh. Right.
I have to take the blame. Um, but yeah, so we're The long shaft of the blame. Right. Be careful.
Be please.
But we, we have to rediscover it so we can put it in this episode. Uh, but we don't want to throw out the episode completely. So we're just gonna redo our review of Heated Rivalry because last time it got a little too hot, a little too heated.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Uh, and, uh, so we, we're gonna just be careful about the way that we
By the way, hot in the language that we used, we didn't get like hot and bothered, or at least I didn't over here. I think I can confirm you didn't. He seemed to get a little hot and bothered.
He seemed to get a little, H and B.
Yeah.
H and B.
He's like, and then they were doing this, and then they were doing, and then they were
So you guys will never be able to cross-reference this because now this is Basement Yard lost media.
Oh, so now Frank's gonna just lie.
So now Joey was sweating and he opened his chest midway through the conversation.
Opened my chest.
Like his shirt. You like zipped your quarter zip Down, you know, how's that catamaran he just got off of?
No, all right.
Well.
But he was just like, he, he was doing this. Like an old timey racist southern woman, you know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Just like, that's what you were doing. So
No, no.
There, there's no way to, there is no way
To cross-reference what we're saying.
It's fine, but we watched the first episode of Heated Rivalry and now, uh, You know, time has passed. I watched a lot more of it and now I know what happens in this first season.
Okay.
Yeah. So I have an idea. I'm not gonna spoil the entire thing. Don't worry. I mean, we're definitely gonna spoil the first episode and probably the second one. Um, but like, we're gonna spoil a little bit of that, but
We also need to talk about it in a way that we are, uh, allowing our Video overlords to accept, you know, we gotta, we gotta, you know, we gotta get around this so they don't unalive us. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We need to make sure that we're using the right terminology so big YouTube doesn't take the, as you were saying, the long shaft of blame and giving it to you again.
Right. Careful, careful. And just you're walking on thin ice.
I think if anything, first of all, skating on ice, hockey.
Now we're here, baby.
Now we're here, now we're here.
Well, let's just, let's just go for it. Heated rivalry. I knew going in that this show was G A, G A Y. And it gets really off to a good start immediately.
Well, so people told us to watch the show, which we openly, we openly were just like, hold on a sec, like, take a step back.
Right.
You know, like, we get that the internet is like fully shipping us, but we were like,
wow, are we proud of Frank or what? And I just pointed, fuck. Oh, cursing. But I'm proud of you for knowing that, that terminology.
That's old, that's a, that's a, that's a term as old as time.
Don't ruin it.
Yeah. But they were just like, you guys have to watch this. And we were both like, before we recorded that Patreon episode, we were just like,
Why did they want?
Why, like, they really are like, really driving this home. But Joey, after that episode, he came to Ant 9, he was like,
He popped his collar on his, you know, Vineyard Vines quarter zip.
Vineyard Vines.
Columbia, hey, I wore one, you wore one. And he was like, let's watch it, give the people what they want.
Yeah, give them a nice review.
Initial reviews.
Yes. Yes.
Uh, how do I, how do we, how do we make sure we, we, we kinda?
I wanna say. I thought that there would be more of a warm up. Before we got to.
You thought that they had to make the call to the bullpen before they just started pitching?
Well, okay.
I thought we would see a slapshot of something first.
I mean, before you get a slapshot, you need a wrist shot, I think, is what you're referencing. I know hockey.
No, that's not, that's not how that would happen.
Too much references now, it's, it's not gonna be a review.
We're not gonna know what we're talking about.
What I meant was.
Cause I'm confused by what you're saying.
What I meant was, I thought we would see hockey first, to some extent, before like a kiss.
Well, I did see it before like a kiss.
Well, you need a wine and dine, Ann. He's a little like, you need to, you need to take him out for, and then he'll order the lobster.
Yeah, there's a lot of sexual tension between the two main characters and they're, in my eyes, they kind of like signify Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin. Now imagine those two dudes were getting in love in the NHL in 2008. Like they had like Blackberries in the show.
Yes, I think we, what we said in our initial review, as people that grew up in that time, that was the, we were, we were 16 years old when the show, when the first episode is set. Because I understand that there are some time jumps. What a tough time to, to be.
To be gay in hockey.
Yeah, I mean.
Anywhere.
Anywhere. Let's make that abundantly clear.
But professional sports.
Definitely in professional sports, because I don't think at that point in time, there had been any openly gay athletes.
I'm not sure.
I think Michael Sam was the first. But that, that wasn't until like 2010, 2011?
Wow, I thought it was after that, but I don't know.
Regardless. We understand what it was like, because back then, you know, we've openly said like, you know, you use hand lotion?
Your friends will call you gay.
Yeah, you know, you, you, you, you, you like girls, you know, you're a romantic. That was gay too, back in 2000.
Apparently that's coming back as gay.
Don't get me started because I-
Simp? When people are like, "You like your girlfriend? You like your wife?" You're a simp.
I'm like, "What am I supposed to do?"
I don't get me started on it. You know how I feel about it. My brain melts down when I try to figure that out.
God, I hate that.
But, it, it really did like, you know, you're, you're seeing like the first episode, you're like, alright, it's like about an hour long, maybe like 50 minutes long, and you're like, maybe at the end, they'll do like a little like wink and nod to like, this is gonna be romantic.
They, like, they, they got in there, like 12 minutes in.
Oh, they're lustin'.
They're, they're, and they're like-
Lustin' and bustin'. Can we say that?
No, I don't think, I-
Be careful.
Judges? Take that out!
I think we're okay.
No, that's fine.
I think-
LB, a little LB.
A little LB.
Yeah, and like the camera shots are like, like, it's like a shot like zooming in on like, a load of laundry, you know what I'm saying? Like not a literal load of laundry, like a male load of laundry.
Yeah, oh.
Well, sorry.
Balls?
Can we say that now?
Oh, oh, oh, you're talking about a full bag?
A full bag of laundry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A full bag of dumpster bag of laundry.
Yeah, exactly.
You know?
Let's be careful here.
And like, the, like, they're like panting, like, there's that scene where they're like, they get to the, the, the gym and they're like, working out next to each other, and it's like, "Oh, yeah!", you know, and like, they're just working out.
Yeah, yeah. And it's just like- Have you ever done that, by the way? Like, do you go to the gym and if someone's on the treadmill next to you, you're like, "I'm racing this guy"?
Absolutely not.
Really?
Yeah, no, no way.
I mean, I usually lose, but like, if someone gets on the treadmill next to me, I'm like, "I'm not getting off until they get off."
It, it depends how many treadmills were around. If it's just me and them next to-
No, it's whoever's right next to me.
I just-
I just meant like- I'll do it to a woman too, if she's there, I'm just like, "I'm not getting off until she gets off." And then I usually get off because I'm like, "I'm exhausted."
I don't, I am so in my own zone, at, first of all, I hate cardio, so my only mentality doing cardio, I've told you guys this, is like, how much until this is done?
Right, yeah.
I need to get off here as quickly as I can.
That's why I'm trying to create a competition, so maybe I'd stop focusing on that, and I'm like, "How fast is she going? I'm gonna go quicker", and then, and then I just burn out and I'm on the floor. But that happened to those guys, and they were on the floor across from each other, then they got some crotch shots going.
They got crotch shots? I think, weren't they like sitting, like, open-legged? Like a praying mantis?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, almost scissoring from across the room.
And then he was just like, "We can't say that!" They were doing arts and crafts.
They were using scissors.
They were doing arts and crafts.
Playing rock, paper, scissors. Rock, paper, scissors.
Rock, paper, scissors from across the room. And he's just like-
There was tension was building though.
He's like, "Take my water."
And it was just like, "Whoa." And then he starts drinking it and he's just like, "More."
And that's when you know, you're like, "This is, this episode?"
I mean, we knew what it was. Could you imagine being like, um, like, uh, uh, uh, America is known for, the people in the South is where like, the open racists and homophobes are. Okay?
That's where like, the open ones are. They're sprinkled everywhere, but you find them most.
The phobes.
And could you imagine being like, a seventy-year-old, just racist piece of shit? Because racism and homophobic tendencies tend to go hand in hand. Just like, "Well, I like hockey. I'm gonna watch this. He did robbery. It's about two, the two men playing a game."
You know, play, and, and then you find out they're watching, that they're playing a game alright.
Yeah, the game of love.
The game of love. I will say this, and I said it before, I will continue to say it again. From what I saw from the episode, I thought it was well acted. I thought that-
Are those, both those kids' first, like, job?
You know, that's a really good que- I don't think-
Maybe not their first job, but like, their first big-
I, I think the dude that did, uh, that played Ilya, the Russian, I think he pl- like, was in other stuff, but nothing on the-
The scale of that.
The scale of this in terms of people talking about it.
But, I thought it was well acted. I thought the story, from what I saw, was well done. You know, typical romance.
I could tell you that, first of all, when I watched the first episode, I was like, "Damn, they're getting after it." But then like, I watched the second episode, um, also, I said this when we recorded it the first time, this is a real thing, but, I- Really, I really thought those episodes were 30 minutes. So it felt like they were flying by, but they were an hour long and I was like.
Time flies, time flies when you're having a good time.
It's got its hooks in me, I will say that.
Oh yeah, it's got something else in you maybe.
Don't, no, but it's, it's got its hooks in me for sure. Um, but then as the story progresses, you're like, oh, okay, this is like a, you can kind of see where it's going in the first two episodes, but when you watch the rest of it, you're like, this is, it's got its hooks in you, it's a feel-good thing.
I'm gonna be a typical lefty and say like, you know, I love a good love story. You know, like, I, I, of course, like, there are certain things I can and can't connect to, but, I thought it was well done from what I saw, you know, I, I know that people have said like, continue watching, I haven't yet. Uh, uh, but it gets to a point where like, it continues the story and, and it is very much in the zeitgeist, people are talking about it, and I think people are talking about it because, it goes from zero to 60 in like, five seconds.
Dude, and also like, the, the way the, the Russian dude is, he's, he's the Dom, like, he's Dom and, uh, what's his name? Hollander Russianly, and he, and the way that he sort of like, flirts at times, like, the text messages that he sends are hilarious.
Yeah, cuz they text each other under a pseudonym.
Jane and Lily.
Jane and Lily, and people like, I think if they took all of five seconds to see that and figure it out, they'd put it together.
Well, that was another thing, it's like, you're getting a text from Jane, and it's like, "Oh, we play Boston tonight, are you hard?" It's like, yeah.
They're gonna know who that is, come on.
But.
Like, in between the sexual messaging, it's just like, like, very in-depth stuff about hockey, you know what I mean?
Good luck in the playoffs, I'm jerking it right now.
Just like getting
We're getting excited, we're getting excited a little bit.
I mute that, it's fine. Where's this thing at again? Oh, I'll take that out.
Getting excited.
Um, but yeah, it's like stuff like that, like those hilarious. But, yeah. Go ahead.
I think I'd be remiss to not bring up the fact that how like bad Shane Hollander is at kinda like
flirting and hiding it a little bit.
Because I, I, I think that the story that I saw is that there is a sense of like, I'm finally being able to be myself, but I do need to restrict it to
No, that's not what he means. I mean, when like other people.
People are like, oh, yo, you, uh, your boy's on TV talking about the Russians. He's not my boy. What? He's not. He's like a middle schooler. We're not in love and kissing. Yeah. It's like, bro, be a little more coy here. Well, maybe that's part of the layering of the story. That he is not allowed to be at an emotional maturity level to deal with something like that because society at that time didn't allow people to be open enough to deal with that on their own. Oh, I like fucking Ebert Roper.
I don't even know who that is. I know the name, but I don't know who that is.
Did you say you ate something?
What?
Ebert Roper.
Oh.
I'm like Ebert and Roper. You thought that he said something? It was like, whoa, that's like I ate Roper?
I don't, what is it?
What is it?
That?
You wanna, you wanna?
You don't know who Ebert, I think it's two people actually. I think it's like Roger Ebert and, and Mike Roper.
But, Mike feels wrong, but.
Mike is right. But they were like, uh, famous movie reviewing duo that would like.
They.
No, I think they're just, they were very good at breaking down symbolism and allegories in film.
That's why I know those names. The Drake song, two thumbs up, Ebert and Roper.
I was likening myself to the skills of Ebert and Roper.
Mm-hmm.
And saying that I was able to break it down because as you're sitting there and oogling and ogling and, and making, you know, oh my God, these guys are. Uh, baking a cake together.
Yeah. They were, they looked like a Pisces at one time.
They, oh, did they?
No, but they took turns.
I mean, you, you did watch, so like during the initial review, you were open that you watched more episodes than we did.
Yes.
And then since then, you have continued to watch.
Yeah. So. It's got its hooks.
I mean, yeah, good. I mean, I'm not, what am I gonna say? Don't watch.
No, no, I'm just saying, I'm, I'm not waiting for you guys to watch every episode and review together. I'm saying, I'm, I'm, I'm off to the races here. It's got its hooks in me. What am I gonna do?
No one is, yeah.
I got the bug. I got the hockey bug.
Oh, okay. I was gonna say.
I got the bug. You know, you gotta be careful. People thought it was an illness at one point in time.
Gayness?
Oh, that's not what I meant.
And then I believe in the DSM three, maybe earlier versions, it was diagnosed.
When you start talking about acronyms, I get, I just.
Diagnostic, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. It's like the, like.
Say it again, two times fast.
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. It is, we're on the DSM five.
It's pretty good.
But in previous iterations, I never told you, I think I've, I've told you this story. I had a class in college of normal psychology and we just went through like mental illnesses and understanding, blah, blah, blah. It was a very interesting class. And we took a test and one of the tests was what was pre, what, what social norm now was once diagnosed as a mental illness? And I knew our teacher was gay. So I went to her and I was like, listen, I know the answer, or I think I know it, but I don't wanna write this down. You think I'm a piece of shit.
Hmm.
And she's like, what do you think it is? I was like, I don't wanna say it. And she's like, what is it? I was like, gay. She goes, yes, okay. And I was like, all right. But it was categorized.
Oh, you like got up in the middle of a test?
Yeah. Cause I'd finished, I'd finished and I, and I went to hand it in, got a hundred and five. And, um.
And five.
Uh, but it was, it was diagnosed as a mental illness. When you said the bug, I thought you were like doing one of those like.
I meant like, you know, you, I'm hooked. But, uh, I will say that this doesn't happen often, even though people think I look like everyone in the world. But there's a guy in the show that I actually.
Hey Spotify listeners. When you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff, unwind in the Admiral's Club Lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty bites and refreshments. In flight, stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi. Sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive. No matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at aa.com.
We feel like we look alike, but he looks like, this may be too niche, I don't know, but if you've ever seen the TikToks where people will take like, like they'll take like Timothy Chalamet's face and it'd be like, this is what Timothy Chalamet's face, if you made it look perfect and they like.
Oh, like the symmetry, the symmetry thing?
Symmetry, yeah, like that's what like, I feel like I would look like if you did that to my face. If you made my face like perfectly symmetrical and I was in a lot better shape.
Look, look right into the camera. Let's give people a chance to do it.
I know that there's someone, I know there's someone that's gonna be like, let's move his eyes here and like, you know.
Someone had tweeted me and was like, oh, wait till Joe finds out he's in this show. And I saw the picture.
I saw that too and I was like.
Well, I saw that and I thought it was like a joke or something, but then I saw the dude on.
And you were fully like, yeah.
Well, I saw him like, I think maybe it was at the Golden Globes or something, but he was on like a carpet and they're taking photos of him and I was like, oh.
It does look like.
That kinda looks like a handsome Squidward version of me.
I, I don't know if this will be a spoiler. Does he bake cakes at a certain point?
Lot of batter.
Oh, alright, well, I don't.
What you guys are saying.
Answer mine first, then we'll unpack that.
What are you asking about?
Piggyback.
If he's, if, if he.
If he is also baking cakes with.
They're.
He's, he's in love. He, there's a love story with him.
Good.
Getting into spoilers, I'm saying like past episode one here, I think.
We are way past episode one.
That's what I'm saying. I'm just, just frigging.
Yeah, I don't even know who he's referencing.
That arc is very interesting. Okay. The dude's name is Kip, I believe, but he's got an interesting arc.
Second to last episode.
Something happens. Something happens. Something happens.
Something.
Oh wait, so you finished it?
Well, yeah.
I mean, yeah.
When you go, how, if you were to do the Siskel Eper Roper, are you giving it? How many thumbs up?
What is the?
Four thumbs up was like, really good.
I honest, all jokes aside, like, I do think the show started out super hot and there's a lot of gay scenes. I don't want YouTube, but like, there's, like, right off the bat, you're kind of like,
lustful, lust, let's get after it. But then it, it more, it slows up, but I think that's a natural, like, way that would go anyway.
I mean, most TV shows, you know, first of all, they used to be called pilots because this was the show that was getting the show off the ground. They would have to show that, so they would have to end with a, with, with some, you know, like, punch, metaphorically, to get people to be like, I need to come back, I need to come back for episode two, three, four, whatever. As we are talking about this, it's because it starts at fucking a hundred.
Like, a hundred, dude. And like, no issue with that, but any show that starts that aggressively, like, you're just gonna be like, whoa, I was not expecting that at first.
What is a show? There was a show recently that was like on Netflix and it's like, and everyone would record their reaction to watching it, because the opening scene is like, this guy and this woman laying in bed and he's just hogging. Like, he's just hogging.
I don't.
I, I remember.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
I remember the trend, I don't remember the show.
I don't, I mean, I remember when people would record to the documentary that came out where it was like, the mom was cyberbullying her own daughter.
Well, yeah, no, that I watched recently. This was like older than, this was, might have been like during COVID or maybe a little after that. It was a while ago, but like, people would record themselves watching, like, oh, watch the beginning of this, I think it was, I think it was a, either a TV show or like a series or something like that. But the opening scene, so I'm like, I have to see this, because everyone's always like, oh, my god, but it's a dude lying there and he's hogging. And I was like, yo.
Uh, I don't.
And it did, no warm up, no warm up, it's like, title screen? Right there.
Well, that's how the show, uh, The Boys is. That show goes, like, and not even just like one episode. Every episode of that show goes from zero to a hundred.
Instantly quick. And like, you might, if you've not seen that show, it's on Prime Video. You might think like, oh, how, like, I'm talking like exploding wang's. You see how, see what I did there? That wasn't what I wanted to say.
Like, that quick.
And it, it was like, so like, any show that is like that, it's gonna be a little bit of whiplash. I think that, you know, I saw like some of the people saying like, you know, of course, because people that don't know our show, are going to see the clips of us talking about it and just be like, you know, this is, da-da-da-da-da. I think it's an important, again, let me be lefty Frank for a sec. I think it's important to have queer representation in TV and film. I think that, from what I have seen, it's a well-done show. I don't, I don't talk to the president of the gays, so I don't know how the gay community feels about it.
Who's that, by the way?
I, it was Ellen DeGeneres for a while.
She's not, she was, she was taken from her post. Um, I, I don't know who would be in that role right now.
I don't know.
Andy Cohen is, is, is in conversation. He's at least on the board of directors.
I was thinking Andy Dick. When you said that, I was like, what?
Andy Dick has got some other stuff going on that needs to figure out before.
Wouldn't know.
But, you didn't see that clip that went viral of like, someone found him on the street, like, ODing?
Oh, god.
Yeah, yeah.
Jesus. Um, no, I did not see that.
Yes, sir. Any idea on who the president of, like, the gays is? Would it be Lady Gaga?
Wouldn't it technically be like Jonathan Bailey right now? He's like.
Ooh! That's a good one. That, you know what, though? He might not be, he might not have.
Newly elected.
He just got this.
I don't even think of an elected president yet. Nah, you need like a OG. Yeah, like, you need like someone that is like consistently like, that's why I said Lady Gaga. I think that she has probably earned her right on the Mount Rushmore.
Sure? You know who I really like? Who's the dude, oh god, what is he in? What was the show with Steve Carell?
Morning Show?
No, uh, Four Seasons, something like that.
Okay, yes.
Do you know that show?
The black dude in there?
Coleman Domingo.
Bro, that guy...
He might be the current president!
He could be. Bro, that guy's style is unbelievable.
Dude, super talented. I remember the first time I saw him in Euphoria. Beck and I were watching the episode where it was just him and Rue, and I was like, yo, this guy is fucking good.
That, that show, by the way? Mad underrated.
Euphoria?
I loved that show.
Or Four Seasons.
Four Seasons.
You know, I started-
What was the other show you were talking about?
Euphoria. I think Euphoria is appropriately right.
Yeah, yeah, it's a very popular... But like, Four Seasons, I feel like went under the radar, like, that shit was fire.
Uh, I didn't, you know, you wanna know something? It's filming, like, at the Jersey Shore, like, it was-
Oh, there's new stuff?
Yeah, they're doing a new season. I didn't, so we wa- I think Beck and I watched like, the first two episodes.
It's good.
And we just never picked it back up.
I liked it.
I love the cast so much.
I mean, you can't go wrong with Will Forte, Tina Fey, Steve Carell, Coleman Domingo, like-
Oh yeah, Will Forte's in that, I forgot.
Um, but, yeah, just, uh, just kinda bringing it back full circle in, in terms of heated rivalry, like,
They, they, they didn't leave anything for the imagination. I think, you know, that, that, they, they definitely, like, you know, like, you ever heard of, like, don't show... What's the, what's the, what's the term? Like, don't show them the cat, let them know there's a cat there.
Schrodinger's cat?
No, no, no, Schrodinger's hat is something different.
Don't show hole.
No, that's-
I've heard that one.
That's also different.
What do we, what do we, what do we say?
Ant can take the, Ant can take the shaft of blame after this one also gets, yeah. Also, they didn't follow that rule, a lot of butt, a lot of dude butt.
Round, round butts.
I-
I'm not gon- I wasn't gonna say it, but, bro. Really round.
No?
I don't, I didn't-
The Russian dude!
They're like impressively round. I'm like, wow, that's round.
Dude, dude, I, I didn't see anything about the butts that you see to be like-
What are you talking about? The dude, the Russian dude's butts are right there on the-
I mean, they're in good shape because they're athletes. I, I didn't see anything where I was just like-
That doesn't mean that you're not being like, bro, Jesus. Like, this guy's got a BBL, basically.
BBL?
Lot of, I guess I-
You weren't looking in the right place.
I guess I was not, yeah.
Yeah, we were slow blinking over there? Cause I mean, I was gonna bring-
I was holding my breath while I was watching.
Round, really round? They were. That's the only, that's what I thought the whole time.
That's bad, funny.
Interesting. Uh, but yeah, I mean, definitely, I, I think if, if you wanna see a good love story, start off aggressive, go watch the show.
Yeah. Uh, definitely like, you know, it gets tucks in you, dude, I'm telling you. If you continue watching it, you're gonna be like, that was a good show.
Was there any more hockey?
Oh, nice.
There's like, there's like, uh, you know-
Cause the first episode, I don't think-
The equivalent of the Stanley Cup a bunch of times.
Right, but they do the sneaky thing where they actually don't play hockey, they kinda just film on the ice.
That, what do you, what, what, what is that?
You know what I mean.
Nope.
They film on the ice?
Like, they're just like-
What are you gonna, you want them to show a whole hockey game?
He, that's what he wants. He's watching it cause he's, he's that guy that's just like, I like some hockey, let's go watch this right now.
I don't think there was a puck until forty-five minutes-
Let's see this game, guys, slapshot!
Well, no, I'm watching heated rivalry for the hockey. I wanna see- I wanna see how good they are. That's it.
Just a little bit of both.
That's it. You know that's it, right? I wanted a little more hockey, you know, like, what are you, that's like going to the-
You got NHL for that!
You know, I'm here, I'm just here for the hockey. I'm not here for the Russian round butt.
Just, you know, just say the quiet part out loud, my friend, it's okay. You can, you can watch it for-
Oh, that's so funny.
You know, yeah.
So, well. Watching it for the hockey is great. But yeah. Lot of stuff there.
But apparently, there's like a lot of books too. So like.
Yeah, it's based off a series of books and like, I think, we looked it up during our initial review. The first, I think the first one is called Heated Rivalry.
And there's like Game Changer.
Game Changer.
The Long Shot.
That's the one.
Crazy. Taped Wrists.
Common Goal.
Common Goal, that's a good one.
That one feels like a, like a, like a. DP?
You, so, we did this whole segment. So close. So close.
I was just using letters.
I'm letting you know now.
But doesn't that sound like that though?
Common. Uh, I, I think the common goal would be in reference to reaching a. Oak.
It's like you say it really, yeah, say it really fast, say it really fast.
Oh, that's not.
Like, like, like, you know, gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's soul.
Where.
First of all.
You know, you know, don't do this. Already, in the beginning, you both were wrong about what I was saying? And then that was completely not what I was saying.
I'm not jumping in in that.
Well, you, you've seen that episode of Sunny.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You've never seen Sunny?
Oh, that was Sunny.
You know that episode of Sunny where they do the play, where they do the, the Nightman.
I saw it.
Okay, thank God. You know, gotta play, one of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen in my entire life. Full stop. You know?
When he goes, what is that? And he cocks a gun, he goes, you know what it is, bitch.
Oh, man. Gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole. You gotta pay a troll toe to get in.
I can recite that whole episode, I think, line for line.
It's a great episode, honestly, one of the best ever on television.
Yeah, well.
But yeah.
Yeah, I don't know how, when we send it off to past selves, how the vibes of the episode are, if it continues this.
Yeah, well, listen, we apologize.
Yeah, I don't know.
We don't, we don't, we apologize for the, because we're obviously in different stuff, you know, like, and it, it wasn't our fault, we wanted to make sure that you guys didn't miss out on an episode, so we wanted to give you what you like, which is Joe.
Eperdoper.
Can I say gooning?
Gooning?
Oh, you're saying me?
No, I wasn't gooning.
We gotta.
I like rom-coms, even though it's like more of a rom.
Yeah, it's more of a rom-drom.
A rom, a rom-drom?
A dram, dram, dramance.
A hock-rom.
Dramance. Hock-dramance. Now it sounds like we're gonna conjure up spirits.
Yeah, I know, the furniture's gonna start levitating here. Um, but yeah, so that's our new review, um, I guess. Let's go over to our older selves.
Yeah, so let's.
We'll just do editing. We'll just do the editing, though, we don't have to do that.
Alright, see ya.
There's no easy way to transfer to this, but we do have some sponsors for today. Uh, the first one is Hungry Root. Hungry Root, uh, plans my groceries for the weeks, it shops for me and delivers everything that matches my goals, delivery preferences, and budget, so you kind of plug in everything that you need, and they go to, uh, work for you. So they have over a thousand grocery items, like ready-to-eat options, fresh fruits and vegetables, uh, protein bars, or energy bites, things like that, smoothies, whatever. Um, and they hold all their food to high standards, um, they, they're screening out over 200 additives, including high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners and things like that. Um, so they want just clean, uh, ingredients in their foods,
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Beautiful.
And speaking of holes, I have something for you, boys.
Holes, oh.
Oh, okay.
So this has been bouncing around TikTok. I'm curious, how would you count the number of holes on this salt shaker? What would be your method?
Can, can, let's just start with like, what's the first hole you're looking at? I'm, I'm, I'm looking not at a first hole, I'm looking at a series of holes.
Right. And then how would you count those?
Which one? I'm doing the circle around the middle hole. So I would go with those six.
Wait, this here?
You count those first? I would segment it that way because it's easier for my eyes to, to do that.
Interesting.
Personally. So like, I would do that, so I see that that's six, then one in the middle, and then the five dots around, no, the six dots around the end. So seven, thirteen, right? Thirteen holes?
So you'd count it, this six in the circle?
Yep, one in the middle.
And then the outer ring?
That is very interesting.
It's easier for my eyes to break it up like that.
Cause like I break it up in the, I, I take the middle part of it, break it up. And then I can count the outside and inside. Easier, personally. Why? What are you guys doing?
I feel like if we added one more ring of circles, you, you're, you're not counting this. I mean, to be fair-
But that's not, that's, you're asking me how I would count this one.
Okay. I would only really count this if I was in a very awkward, like socially awkward situation. I'd be like, let me just count these things, cause I don't wanna look up. I think I would start in the upper left. Like there, and just kind of like get the ones that are near there, and then kinda go...
What's, like to the right? Near there as in, you go one? One, two, the one across mid, and then maybe that one in the middle, and then like, maybe I would continue that way. I don't know.
I'm also thinking of it, I would also count it by line. So one, five, eight, twelve, thirteen.
Honestly, what you said, I'm like, I feel like I would do the opposite, where I would count the out, out in. So I would go one, two, three, four, five, and then count the inner ring, and then the one in the middle.
Yeah, I just, in my head, the way that it works is to break it up into different sections. You know, and, and just looking at that shape, that seems like the easiest way to do that, to look at it as three different shapes.
Bro, I'm staring at this and I'm like, there's holes appearing and disappearing.
Like, I'm like, it's like a, fucking, it's tripping me out. I think I would do just lines. So I would go, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. Just lines, that makes sense. I, I honestly don't think I would be good at counting this. Usually if I have to do something like this, I do it more than once, cause I'm not very like-
I lo-, I'll randomly be in, like, the other day I was in the steam room, and I was like, let me count the tiles in here. And like-
Oh, you got a little bit of the, you got, you got the, you know what I mean? You got a little bit of it? What's going on?
A smidge, I would say, at least a smidge. I like to count stuff. Counting is cool because it's something I know I'm good at.
Counting?
How high?
Pretty high.
You counted the tiles?
Yeah, but I did it by using mathematic equations. So I was just like, I'm not gonna sit here and count every single tile, but I'll count across, I'll count down, and then I'll take the area of that wall, and then I'll look over and do that one.
Sometimes I'll get into this mood where I'll just start counting my steps. Like, I'll be walking on the sidewalk and I'm like, "One, two, three," and I'll get up to over a hundred and I'm like, "What am I doing?"
Dude, what I used to do is when I used to walk home from the train when I lived in Astoria, I would, at a random point on the walk, I would say a number guessing how many steps it would be from where I was to my house.
Out loud?
Out loud. So I'd be like, on like, Dipmars and like, Steinway.
And I'd go like, "1,406." And then I would walk and count every step, and then I'd give myself one time to adjust, and then just play a little game with myself.
Did you ever like, nail it?
Yes, one time.
Like, like, nailed it.
You nailed it, like,
I was walking-
Like Hollander!
Dude, like, Yeah, well, Hollander-
He was the nail.
He received-
He received the nailing-
Yeah, from the hammer.
Yeah, right, exactly.
But, I was like, a couple blocks away and I was like, you know, like, 684. And then I was like, two blocks away and I was like, "I can adjust," but no, I'm gonna stick with 684. And it was 684.
Did you start, like, these were your normal steps, but then you're,
No, no, no, no, I, and like, I kept the same stride and pace, you know, I, I, I did my best. You know, there was no like puddles I was jumping over or anything.
That's funny.
I just love doing stuff like that.
I count stuff. Do you count stuff?
Sometimes, sometimes I'll count. Uh, do you know how many, uh, stairs you, you have in your house exactly?
No. Well, I live in an apartment.
Okay, well, what about, uh, yeah, that you don't count.
He knows, so then he does know how many he has.
Zero.
So let's say, your top floor, do you know how many, the exact number of stairs it is from your middle floor to your top floor? I feel like it's important to know.
I don't know that in my mom's house that I grew up in. I have no idea.
Cause, like, you ever carrying something and it's blocking your vision? I know my, my, my steps.
Oh, I can do this.
Oh, I just, I stop and I wipe my foot. So like I go down and I like.
I kick my foot around.
Yeah, just to see like, is there another step? Am I on the ground? I can also tell by the, like the texture of the ground. If it's wood, if it's a tile or something.
I also am so bad at that, that if I, if something is impeding my vision, I've, because my mom's house is like two steps and then like a little landing and then the stairs go up like that. So coming down those steps and getting to the landing and you're just anticipating another step and I just go boom. Like that was just like, because I'm like thinking there's another step and I just like hit the, hit the deck or some shit. But I've done that so many times in my life.
Joey's childhood house also had famously one of his staircases was missing a step. So like, it was like, it was a hole, like on several accounts, like several occasions, we had told people like, careful of the sixth step and they'd say, why? And we're like, because there isn't one. And it was just a hole into the floor. You know?
It happens. Things fall apart at times and they, and they last a long time, which is an issue, but it's fixed now. Stairs to the basement kind of situation?
It was in the stairs to the basement, yeah.
If it was, you know, the middle floor or something, that'd be. That'd be tougher to explain.
Yeah, no, when we were, only we were going into the basement. I'm, I'm sure we were the ones that caused it to break in the first place.
I'm certain of it. I mean, my mom would do laundry in the basement. Like that's where the laundry machine was.
Yeah, but your mom has steps like a little pixie, you know what I mean? Like she walks like she basically floats on air.
She floats down the steps.
We were running down those steps.
Yeah, dude. Feels like a Keith through the, like leg through the stair kind of thing. I actually don't remember how that happened, but I mean, that's a, that's a very safe bet.
Could have been. Do you remember when we tried to put me down the stairs in the Sterlite, like, storage bin?
Oh yeah, that was like a, so many times I've done that.
Or a hamper? You ride it down the stairs in the hamper? Don't do it, kids.
And if it goes well, if it goes the way you want it to go.
You slide right down.
You, but you actually hit the floor and topple over. And that's probably what you don't want.
No, I imagine you would want that because your momentum brings you. If you hit the floor and stop, you come to a complete stop.
That's what I mean. And you just flip over.
No, but the flip over is better because your momentum is continuing and it can die down a little. But if you just hit and you don't move.
I actually think that one time we did do something like that. And my foot went right through the closet that's right there.
Cause it had like those slats in it, right?
Yeah, and I just like kicked it open.
Yeah, I mean, whatever.
God bless them for raising all of us in that house.
See, my steps had like the metal track on the, you know what I'm talking about, on the tread?
So like, if I went down those, I was, I wasn't gonna be in good shape.
Yeah, you'd be roughed up from that.
And be a little roughed up. But, you know, it would take some nice good roughing, just like Hollander.
Hollander took a roughing, yeah. And will probably continue taking it.
My grandma's old house had a boxing bag hanging from the ceiling in the basement.
Like a heavy bag?
And we would swing from it.
You'd swing from the heavy bag?
I mean, as a kid, what else are you gonna do? Punch it?
Yeah, that's stupid.
It hurt my hand.
I imagine that's the thing to do.
Just swing from it. Thought it was cool.
What's in those, by the way? Sand?
Gotta be.
What else would you put in there?
Water?
I mean, you pop it.
I think of the scene in The Avengers where he, where Chris Evans, Captain America, hits it and then sand just bursts everywhere.
Cause he's so strong.
He is so strong.
Bro, speaking of Chris Evans, I just watched a show, uh, Defending Jacob. Did you see that?
You were telling me about that. I didn't watch it. Is it good?
Uh, dude, embarrassed to say this, but me and Nicole watched the entire series at one sitting.
Why is that embarrassing?
Cause it's fucking like seven hours.
I am a big proponent of. Smoke it if you got them, you know what I'm saying? Like i- i- if they're, if they're giving it to you all at once, just do it.
Seven hours of television straight is bananas, but it's one of those like mystery things and you're like, I gotta fucking know. So I couldn't stop watching.
I love a good mystery.
I love mysteries.
I watched Weapons and I was like, ooh, what's going on?
I love detective shit. Like I wish I could be a detective. Or sometimes I watch shows where detectives are like figuring stuff out and I'm like, oh, I love that.
Like the first forty-eight or something like that?
Well, I just, I also, All Her Fault is another one and it's like, what's the guy, uh, Peña, Peña, Peña?
Michael.
Michael Peña. He's like a detective and he's like figuring stuff out and he's like, oh, okay, piece this together, blah, blah, blah. He's interviewing people and I'm like, I would love this.
That's why I really enjoyed rewatching Dexter and that's why I like the new, uh, Knives Out, Wake Up Dead Man.
Uh.
Cause he does it in such a, Daniel Craig does it in such a, oh, he bombastic, you know, coming through Benoit Blanc and he doing it like that. I love it. That's what he does, dude.
That's what he does.
Bombastic.
Well, that's what he does. He comes in his like, Mark, go so.
I wish I talked like that.
Do you ever wish, like, give me your top five accents you wish you had?
I wish I had a, some sort of like UK accent.
UK?
Yeah, just any, any of them. There's a hundred million, but like, I, one of them would be nice.
Alright, so give me your top five as I asked before.
Take it easy.
Should I count that? That was really.
No, that was not.
It was really sassy.
It was sass, sass, sass, sass.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Unlimited sass. I've been sassed up. No, we said it was verbal.
Like I said before, you fucking idiot.
We said it would be verbal bitches, not, not.
But I was, that was a bitching. Yeah, a little bit. Throwing that sass around, Frankie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was crazy, dude. Uh, you're, who's side are you on?
Who's side is he supposed to be on?
Mine, cause we're getting the money together.
Oh, so he is splitting it. Might be on Frankie's side.
I, well, I know, meaning like you're also getting ten dollars and I'm also getting ten dollars.
Whoa, now it's twenty dollars? Back to Joe's side if I get two bucks per.
I'm not playing this.
I'm giving you ten bucks per. No, you're making him spend twenty. He's not gonna do that for me.
Alright, doing any of this?
So top five accents you would most want to have?
Um, I would say that one.
You just said European.
I said UK.
You said UK.
British. Okay.
British accent.
What kind of British? Are we talking like, "Hi, I'm Brit-" Are we talking like a fucking like this?
Yeah, like Tom Hardy in, uh, Peaky Blinders.
Or Peaky Blinders, okay.
Uh, yeah, I love that accent. I think that's awesome.
So you want to be a blinder? A preky fucking.
Fucking fuck fucking hell!
Yeah, I would love that.
Um, I think also-
And the people that are watching this in England are just like, "That's a very specific." Like, they know exactly which one it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause like I said, there's so many of them. Like, I think you go like a ten miles north and it's completely different.
Uh, I would like that. Um, I think like having a Spanish accent would be cool.
But like, what Spanish are we talking? Are we talking?
You know which one.
Spain? Like, "España, vosotros..."
But-
"We don't eat, even eat dinner until midnight."
I'm talking about like, uh-
Dominican?
I'm trying to think of an actor that would have-
Javier Bardem, Antonio Banderas.
Eeeeh.
Who's the guy that voiced, um, Death in Puss in Boots? Come on Frankie.
Puss in Boots is actually a good accent.
Wagner Mora.
That guy, that's-
Oh, he just won!
He just won, yeah. Apparently that movie's incredible.
The Secret Agent or something?
Would love that. I would love that.
Yeah, that's a good one. I liked, I liked that accent. I like that. I'll take that. Um, I want like a Scouse accent, that's fun.
Which one's that?
That's like, uh, you know Patty the Baddie? Or Owen Cooper, I think is, is he's, I think he is, I don't know.
Who's Patty the Baddie?
He's in the UFC, you've never seen him?
He don't get knocked out! Patty Pemblyt?
Okay. I didn't know his nickname was The Baddie.
Yeah, dude. Um-
No offense.
Come fuck him up dude.
But yeah, like an accent like that, I think is so fucking funny.
Who, who is the?
Like Scottish, like sounding.
Scottish, I mean, you, yeah.
It's hilarious.
Well, I mean, careful, you don't wanna offend Patty the Patty. He might come here and take your hatty off.
Yeah, put me in a fucking rear naked.
Scottish would be cool, like a David Tennant, Alan Cumming.
Or like a real Italian would be cool too.
I think that's such a, like a nice sounding language.
It, I mean, the language, it's, but, but.
It's a little dramatic for me.
If you had the, the accent, but not the language, doesn't that kinda take away from it, like?
To be clear, I'd rather speak these languages than just have the accent, obviously.
Gotcha, okay.
No part of you wants like a southern accent a little bit?
I'm talk.
No, not at all.
What about Boston?
Certainly not. Certainly not.
What about like Delaware Water Gap? Like Philly?
Yeah, I will say the Baltimore accent is, is.
Stavros, that bit he does is so fucking funny.
Yeah, I, I feel like the, the, the Baltimore accent is so funny, like I, I wasn't really uh, aware of it until, you know, the last like five years really, like I knew they had an accent, but I never like really like.
Mary Beestown was the first one to like put it on TV and stuff like that, right?
That was a good show.
Speaking of detectives, you know?
Another, see, I'm all over the detective shit.
The, the like Delaware Water Gap, you know, like we're going for a hoagie, you know, go birds.
It's, it's also like, what are you, like, how did this come there?
Yeah, why?
Like it's a very specific spot.
It is, it is, it is, a hundred percent, yeah.
It's like, only you have it, so strange.
It is, it is crazy to think about accents because like we live in the same place, but it's so, like, people say that a lot about New York.
Bro, you ever hear the Memphis accent? Oh my god.
No, I don't think I've heard a Memphis accent.
When you say human, but they say Herman.
Herman?
And Mersick.
Mersick?
Yeah, like you ever seen like Glorillo, uh, get interviewed and shit, she, she, she says.
I thought she was from St. Louis.
Nah, I think she's from, or maybe I'm mixing people up, I'm pretty sure it was.
Well, it was like Chingy right there.
Well, I don't think it's St. Louis. I'm pretty sure it's Glorilla, cuz she did, she did an interview with, um, with Speedy where she was like, she bearded for spirit, like she can't like-
I don't know who Speedy is.
He's an interviewer for Complex. Um, that dude's hilarious too. But, it's like, is she from Memphis?
I don't-
I think that- Justin Timberlake is.
That ain't what I'm talking about.
Cuz he talks like this.
That doesn't sound like him at all. That sounds exactly like him. Yes, Glorilla, Memphis, Tennessee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so they, so they say like Herman, like instead of human. So I'm like, that's-
I would need to hear it before I can ever make any judgments about it. I'll tell you which ones I definitely would want. I've openly said I don't like the Boston one. I think that, I don't like it, it's just-
It's hilarious to me though.
Yeah, but also it just feels, like I don't want it. I don't know how else to say that.
I know what you're gonna say. You say it's gonna feel dumb. Is that what you're gonna say?
No, no, no, that's not what I was gonna say.
But, also I would hate the like, valley, California, like-
The vocal fry.
Hate that. You know, like, here, like, that, like that.
Fuck shit.
Yeah, surprised Australian's not in there.
Oh, that's a good one, I like that one too. Australian just feels like it's a cool club that I can't be in, you know what I mean?
I can't do it.
Like, it seems like they're in it and they're like, oh, good eye, you know?
Yeah, fuck, mate.
Yeah, fuck.
Fucking cunt. Like, yeah, I love how, I like, yeah, they're just cool.
Yeah, that's, that's a good one I'd like too. I, I, I, I don't really, the only two accents I could say I really don't like are those two I just mentioned, Boston and, and, uh, you know, like that valley, so, so, like, back end, you know? But, I also, like I said before, I, I dated a Brazilian girl in high school and I hated that accent.
Yeah, you did.
You know, cuz it was like, Hispanic and also Russian.
So it'd be like-
Estudo, estudo pai, you know?
It's just like, yeah, you know?
I just wish I could speak anything other than English.
I mean, you can. You got, you, you can sit down and, you know, pop on one of those speaking apps. What are they called?
I feel like I'm-
Duolingo is one of them, right?
I feel like I'm surprised, like, when I was in Spain, I was able to understand like a decent amount. I'm like, okay, so I, it's like, I have something. Like, some people have absolutely nothing and just English. But like, when you are in Spain, everyone knows like five languages and I'm just like, I'm a-
American loser. I always think about this. My grandfather spoke seven languages. He was polylingual.
That's so sick.
Which, what the fuck are we doing? Like, I could barely speak English.
Seven is probably four too many. If you had, if you had to pick two more.
For me?
Um, I, I, you know, my Spanish is so broken that I'm not even gonna be able to say that I speak it.
I think, yeah, Spanish has to be in there, obviously.
I think it would have to be Spanish and then...
Yeah, what would you pick after that?
If you know Spanish, you kinda know Italian.
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Like, they're so similar.
You'd be able to figure it out. You could get by, you could more than get by.
You know, uh-
Can you speak Italian? I used to be able to fully understand it, but now I'm losing, I lost it. Does your dad speak it? He can, but even he's starting to lose it.
Can you say something in Italian? Just-
Pizza? Alright.
You know, see, that was so disrespectful.
Yeah, this guy-
Does he, does he warrant a bitch?
I don't know. You want me to call on Yellow right now and fucking tell him that you're disrespected?
You know what? Your dad's gonna see this. You've been really mean to us lately.
Oh my god.
And like, the cameras are on, so I want to make sure that the world sees this. Like, if your dad sees this.
I...
It's kinda crazy you talk to your boss like this.
And I feel legitimately bullied. Like, I feel like you hurt, you hurting me and...
I think we have been, like, he's here, we try to talk with him nice, like, we try to, like, bring him stuff.
And then it's just like making fun of us, and it almost feels like your job's probably in peril a little bit.
This is...
Like, I feel like, I don't know, like, I get, I like, I don't know how to feel, I like to have a good environment, but then you come in and you just kinda car crash it.
Well, so much of this show is our dynamic and being able to, like, move well and talk well.
Friends, friendly, silly.
Exactly, and then he comes in, and he's just like...
I got a big penis and...
Got a big dick, got big balls, imagine dragging them across your face.
Exactly, that.
Yeah, I know.
He will see that.
Good job.
Yes!
Thank you.
If we can get your multi-billionaire dad with giant nuts to fucking like us, that'd be sick.
But you, are you full Italian?
Like, why did you look... Like, I asked a math problem. Disappointed, like, yes!
I think my mom's side had a little bit of Irish, like, English.
Ah, okay.
I mean, technically, all of us are not full anything, you know, like, even if we're half, it's like thirty things in there.
Definitely, definitely Italian, like, majority Italian.
Have you been to, um, what's that place called?
Italy.
Yeah, I thought that's where you were.
Have you been to Italy?
I have, I've been to Italy.
Okay. Would you, you love that one?
It was, it was.
That was really good.
Um, have you been to, uh, that place, where the fuck is it? Uh, Room Forty?
What the fuck?
The Italian spot, Room Forty?
Suck my ass, dude. You're not...
Have you been to Room Forty?
Nice try.
You have some sponsors, though.
You know what? Read the ads and then I'll let you have your moment.
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Um, so.
It's a good try.
Try it again. Just do it again. For the clip. We got it.
Have you ever been to room forty?
Room forty.
Room for these nuts in your face.
What the hell? Got him.
Drilled him.
Wow.
Absolutely got him.
You got me so good. I did. You know what? I applaud that effort.
Oh, I think Joe pointed at you, actually.
He did.
That's another one.
I got insulted and I made some money. That's the internet today, baby.
Yeah, you wanna play around?
I'll call your dad right now. I'll call your dad and tell him that you've been messing around.
Did you tell his dad what he said to us after the Boston show?
Cause his dad was at the Boston show.
He came to us and came up to us after the Boston show and he said, "My dad might be here, but I want you to know, you embarrassed me in front of my family."
You son of a bitch. Embarrassed me.
He said, "You embarrassed me in front of my family. They were here and excited." And now they're pissed off because you guys suck.
Do you, do you know how like your phone gives you random pictures, like memories or whatever?
I got one the other day from the Boston show and it's just you with the bluest mouth I've ever seen in my life.
They gave us a cake after we won World Sexiest Podcast.
Huge.
And they gave us a cake, so if there's a cake. If I walk into a room and there's a cake addressed to me, I have to at least try it.
Did you eat the hot dog cake?
I had, I think a little bite of that.
I didn't think I tried that.
Had a little bite.
What's up?
Hot dog made a cake or cake made a hot dog?
A hot dog made of cake. It was at St. Louis. We've, we've openly spoken about, we keep track on the green rooms at these places. That's still up there. That's still up there.
That was, that was a great one.
That was a good green room, man.
Um. I actually, it's funny that you brought up hot dog. Boys give me strength.
I almost had a hot dog the other day and I really tried not to.
In the winter?
Tried not to.
I actually. Let me see, yeah, no, no, no, I succeeded. I walked out of there. Becca and I were laughing.
Walked out of there?
Where were you?
So, uh, there's a place in, uh, Jersey. It's like iconic. It's called Jersey Freeze. Uh, and it is like an ice cream spot, but it's been around since like the 50s, but they also do like dogs, burgers, chicken fingers and stuff like that. So we got ice cream and then you can go sit where they have the food. And I'm sitting there and Becca and I, and there's a, there's an old lady, double, double my age at least, old bag sitting right behind me.
Nice.
And she's got two dogs.
She's double barrel dogging?
Double barrel dogging on a date with her pro, pop, I would believe husband. It was very cute, actually, you know, that's a part of me. I'm a soft boy now. And
Becca's like, apparently the hot dogs here are really good. So I was like, how much?
What is she doing by saying that?
Well, she's supporting her husband. That's what she's fucking doing.
Ah, she knows what she's doing.
She knows what she's doing. It gets better. And then I was, cause she's like, oh, we used to come here all the time as kids. She's like, it was perfect. We'd have a basketball game and then after the game, we'd all meet up here.
And she's like, we'd come with like three bucks. We'd get a two hot dogs and a soda or a hot dog soda and a burger or whatever. And she's like, how much you think a hot dog is now? I was like, let's go check.
So we go to the front and I'm looking, can't find the price of a hot dog anywhere. So she's like, do they even have hot dogs? I was like, they got them. Look at them right there. They were glistening, shiny bastards.
They looked good.
They were spitting at you.
And she's like, it'd be crazy to have one. And I'm like.
Post ice cream hot dog is kind of a wild move.
It's a genius move.
Or mid, mid? Was it mid ice cream?
No, the ice cream was great.
It was gone? No, no, I'm saying, were you in the middle of the ice cream?
I finished the ice cream. I had fully finished the ice cream. Oh, I want a classic vanilla soft serve with rainbow sprinkles on a cone.
No sauce?
No sauce.
I'm a classic American baby boy.
You don't go caramel?
Hmm, not on a soft serve. It'll melt it.
Not hot caramel, just a boom temp caramel.
If you're not going hot, why are you going it?
I go cold.
I want this thing to be shot right out of a warm machine.
I get you.
You know, saying that in our
Talking about
In this episode. I love when it comes out hot.
But we walk out and she's like, oh, man, that would be really good. And we get in the car and I go, I will go get a fucking hot dog right now.
And I didn't.
I maintained my strength.
So you still don't know how much they cost?
No, I'll be honest with you, it doesn't matter.
I know.
It doesn't.
$10, what the hell? I bet they're good then.
And then if it's really like, it's a dollar, we can't pass up on that.
So it really doesn't matter.
So I'm really trying my best. The other night she goes, uh, she goes, we should, we should do a hot dog night soon for, for the kids. And I'm like, oh my God, yeah, but let's wait until baseball starts. Cause every year for the startup, like opening day of baseball, I come home and Becca has hot dogs about.
Hot dog, uh,
It's a hot dog night.
With, with just unlimited condiments.
I mean, I'm, I'm a simple boy. I got two condiments, but.
It's nice to have a choice though.
Oh, yeah. And, uh,
What was that?
Uh, the place is creaking.
Oh, okay. Uh, but, uh,
Creaking fucked me up.
Oh, wow. You scared?
I'm scared, bro.
I'm trying to fucking talk about my hot dogs.
You're talking about the hot dogs and there's 50 fucking condiments or whatever that you can choose from.
Dog. So she's like, we're gonna have a hot dog night. I was like, let's wait, cause the World Baseball Classic's coming, so we can early, we can jump early on the hot dogs.
When is this again?
World Baseball Classic, but, uh, March 6th, I think is the day.
Hmm, I know you know the day. Even then though, it's pretty early to the game.
No such thing. And then, um, she was like, no, let's bring the kids to go get hot dogs at, at Jersey Freeze. I was like, let's go tomorrow.
Let's go back.
I thought she was saying like, let's control it at our home. And then I could be like, let's wait, let's wait, let's wait. Yeah.
So now it's like, you want me to go into Jersey Mike's? What's it? Jersey?
Freaks.
Jersey Freaks.
It's Jersey Freeze. It is like, really, really good.
Do they wear old timey, like, ice cream man hats?
No, but they do have like the old timey machines. Like the big fucking big machines that dispense the cold, you know, like the soft serve.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was good.
Uh, but-
I wanna go to one of those places that like, it's like a candy shop, but they also, it's, it looks like a bar, but they serve ice cream and shit.
Well, there's that place on the Upper East Side, isn't there?
Is there?
It's like, they still serve Coca-Cola the way it was done in like nineteen oh one.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Sands cocaine.
Yeah, it's like, they put syrup and they just like mix it or whatever.
Syrup and fucking soda water and then they go like that.
I've seen those videos and I'm like, I know that sucks.
No way, that's gotta be, that's gotta be amazing.
I, I feel like it, you know, aesthetically it looks cool, but-
What do we gotta do to get you an egg cream in your body?
Oh my god, I guess I'd go to lunch with my mom, she loves them.
Cause it's just, well, isn't it just like?
It's ice cream and-
Seltzer?
Yeah. It's like, why, mom? I've had one in my life, she made me have one.
Let's do one.
I, I would have it, I mean, it's ice cream, so I'm gonna be happy.
I mean, I won't be happy.
You know what I haven't had in a long time that I would like? An eclair.
What kind? What, you mean like an ice cream eclair or a-
No, no, no, like a, like a pastry. Yeah.
Are those filled? Oh, boy, are they.
Oh, to the brim?
They're filled, brother.
Custard.
I want one of those, there was something else recently that I was like, oh man, oh, you know what I hate? That like, I think this is a hot take, cause people love them, black and white cookies.
Disgusting.
Whack.
So trash.
They're so whack.
Also, and I've said this to you guys, the rainbow cookies, whack!
You're, you need to be sent-
Those are whack, dude!
You need to send upstate and you need to allow me to take a bullet and put it in the back of your fucking head.
People love those cookies, they go so crazy, they're not that good.
Nah, you're bugging, you're bugging, you're bugging.
Italians love it, I know you guys, I love the-
For such a smart- I'm not an Italian, I love them too!
I know, but, you know, you look like an Italian.
They're so good.
I don't like them.
There's, I think that place actually, Jersey Freeze, does like an Italian cookie ice cream.
Like, it's like, they mix it in with like, yo.
Anything that, like, when the cookies come in a tin? And they have like those, and then they have like the real dusty ones, I'm like, all these suck.
I, for the first time recently, there was a deli that I went to that gave me some butter cookies.
Butter cookies?
The like, the Italian ones that come in like the bag on like that flower shaped golden plate, you know what I'm talking about? First time I've ever had one of those, I was like, wow, this is actually a good cookie. Every other one I've had, they just crumble in your mouth and they're dust.
I, I actually will admit, the rainbow cookies that come in the package you're talking about aren't great. You need more wet ones.
Yeah, you need like legit deli ones. If you get like mass produced, they're garbage.
Yeah, because they're hard then.
I don't like the dusty shit.
No, a good Italian, a good, a good rainbow cookie is kinda wet.
Wet.
It's wet as hell.
Really wet.
And like, like, I'm not like, like a tres leches almost, like not soaked, but like you bite into it and you're like, this is more water than it is dry.
I'd rather that.
It's, what, tres leches?
Well, I love tres leches.
I love, you know, give me all three of them.
Give him a three milks.
No dude, you're crazy. We need, we need, you know, you know, listen, you got a guy that was a tiramisu, you got a tiramisu guy, get a fucking rainbow cookie guy.
Dude, I, I, I will so quickly get rainbow cookies in here.
Get a fucking rainbow cookie guy.
Not just rainbow cookies though, let's get an assortment going.
You want an assortment?
Yeah. We should do a whole episode on patreon.com, that's the basement yard, where we review pastries.
Pastry on.
This is incredible.
It's really good.
This is absolutely.
Pastry on, get a bunch of pastries and then, oh, get a shvojadel.
A shvojadel, a lobster tail, uh, the fucking piñolis, which I don't like.
Isn't a lobster tail the same thing?
No, there's, there's a, there's difference. I think, uh, shvojadel.
You know what, um, you remember, uh, Lugolies? So.
Exactly.
Love that place.
Great Italian ices, but you.
The best orange ice I've ever had in my entire life.
They have great ices. What a simple concept.
Spamoni though, shut up.
Spamoni is like a Frank Sinatra, it's, it reminds me of Frank Sinatra.
Yeah, and he's a good musician, but, but he is dead.
He's dead and old, um, but they always had, you know the rock candies?
Yes, they'd have them in the thing, like, people use those for like cappuccinos and stuff like that.
Real?
Oh, to like mix.
Beck and I went to a steakhouse, uh, the other day.
They had rock candy?
And they, she got a cappuccino and they put a thing of rock candy on her plate and she, to sweeten it up, she stirs it with that.
That's actually very useful.
Oh, I thought you were gonna say something.
I'm gonna yell at him again for not getting more fucking pastries in here.
We'll get a bunch.
Did you just text your pastry connect?
I texted the person who will text the connect, yes.
Also get some Greek pastries, cause the Greeks know how to do pastries also.
Also get more tiramisu.
Tiramisu.
And eighty pastries.
Ganolis.
Rainbow cookies, pinolis, whatever that one is that looks like an ass.
Huh?
You know what I'm talking about.
Do they do donuts there?
Nah, donuts are not Italian.
We're fancy, fancy place.
Fancy place.
Who's "we"? It's not even yours, you even have the guys know.
You gotta text a guy to text a guy, you know how to fucking handle this.
We don't do it, what the fuck?
And I'm talking like, get some Greeks in, get some Greek stuff in here, get some fucking baklava.
Oh my god, I'll fucking.
Galak, galak the booty go.
Oh, where'd you go?
What'd I say?
Galak, so the Greeks and the Italians.
Baklava is great.
Know how to do their fucking pastries.
Yo, baklava is sticky as a motherfucker though.
You've been to Stamatys, right? When they give you the complimentary, galak the booty go at the end? Wait, what?
No. Bro, I actually had this like, I think it's Arabic, it was at, I was at a coffee place and they're like, oh, this is like our pastry and whatever, I forget the name of it. But I had it and I was like, this shit is fucking crazy.
So galak, it's called galak the booty go, I know I'm saying it right, I don't know how to spell it, don't even ask.
The booty go?
Don't let the booty go.
Don't, gala, where did the booty go?
And it's like a custard and then it's like flaky filo dough on top and then it's covered in like a vanilla honey syrup.
Oh, fuck my balls.
It'll fucking, yeah it will.
It'll take your balls and it'll shred them to shreds.
What is custard?
Uh, it's just like a thickened pudding, kinda like pudding, like pudding is I think technically a custard, but it's a little thicker.
Okay, I'm into it, I'm into it, bro, when shit is, when shit has custard, I'm like, this is probably gonna be good.
I think what's in, cause you love, uh, French cream donuts, right? What are they called?
Boston cream.
That one. French cream.
Yeah, yeah, Boston cream, bro, oh my god.
That's custard in there, that's custard in there.
Oh, yeah.
It's like, it's like pudding, am I right?
If I had that accessible to me, I could literally drink it.
Uh, uh, uh, what's it called? Um, creme brulee, that's a custard under there.
Fuck with that.
Is flan technically a custard?
Flan?
Get some flan in here, by the way, I will fucking dog.
No way you Italians flan it up in that bakery.
No, that's the Hispanics.
That's the Hispanic, you know how he hates them.
Right, right.
Hey, by the way, uh, Ant Stad, if you're still watching this. He said he hated me because I was Hispanic.
Yeah, he did say that, and I was so fucking sad.
It was...
And that's, you know...
I've never been identified and attacked because of my nationality and heritage.
It's not really something I want in the workplace either. It's just something that like, I feel like I...
I can't...
Well, you know, you-
I can't let go.
You work your whole life establishing the basis for your self-worth, and in a minute, that can crumble. And, you know...
And a part, I mean, it's jeopardizing everything that we're kind of trying to stand for here.
We're very forward-facing with our personalities. I think a lot of people like this show, like us, like the studio, because the people that you see are the people that you get.
We're trying to keep it light and silly.
And unfortunately, there's a person that comes in and does stuff like that, and is now mocking me.
Do you see how he's mocking you?
He's mocking me, like a mockingbird.
Completely undercutting your ability to feel real emotions.
You're mocking me like a mockingbird, and, which reminds me of Tequila Mockingbird, which-
Which, also, Teela Tequila.
Tequila Mockingbird?
Oh, Teela Tequila?
Well, Tequila Mockingbird and Teela Tequila, two things that say the N-word.
I thought you said-
I'll say that.
Say, "I'll say that." I thought you said, "Tequila Mockingbird." I know-
To kill-
I know "to kill a mockingbird." I didn't know, I was waiting for the what Tequila Mockingbird is.
Oh, I don't know what that is. But what the fuck is that, by the way?
Hold on, wait a sec, business idea.
I already bought this, so I'm just gonna-
You know, we almost got out of the episode with you doing that?
It was close.
A tequila brand called Tequila Mockingbird.
Just don't even, what is that?
Uh, it's a, it's a little violin. I saved for when Frankie was, you know... Complaining about something.
Oh. So you're saying Frank complains so much that you're like, "I gotta get a toy."
Yeah, but then it turned, it was just useful here.
I complain about something a lot?
Don't let him turn us against each other here. Don't point at me.
I'm not, my hands down, don't you worry.
I didn't say, "You complain a lot." I said, "If you've ever complained," like, in the future.
No, that's not what you said.
Oh, I don't know if you said that.
No, no, no, brother. No, no, no.
You said, "When Frankie complains," you know, saying that's inevitable.
Just play it off here.
It's actually a beautiful instrument.
I wish. I really wish.
That just reminds me of The Godfather, by the way.
Yeah, it also sounded like The Godfather meets Titanic.
I think it's just a violin, that's why.
See how rude that was? Do you see how rude that was?
You don't gotta, you don't gotta tell me.
I'll get in touch with...
With the powers that be.
With your father.
Wait till your father gets the word of this.
That's been on my desk for like two months, I've been waiting for a moment.
This is gonna be the second worst day of your dad's life, dude. The first one is when they were like... Getting rid of Christopher Columbus Day or whatever.
Yeah, he was probably upset about it. I imagine he was unhappy about that. I imagine.
How much more can they take?
How much more, yeah.
What the hell?
We don't have anything.
It's just a day.
Oh, man. Um, well, I think that's all we have for today. What a fun episode.
Yeah, that really was a fun episode. Hey, great job all around, boys.
I will say that the best thing to come out of this episode is the fact that we had the idea of the pastry on, because I am ready to eat pastries.
I am so proud of you.
I'm so...
For a pastry on.
I'm so excited to eat pastries. There's nothing better in this world.
Uh, a few things are better.
Just do me a favor, if we do get these, cup of whole milk. You could get your almond milk or whatever you fucking drink in Brooklyn.
You probably...
I would just like, I need, when something is that decadent and rich, I need a cup of whole milk with it.
It's also gonna dry me out, so I will need some wet.
Okay, that's the way you put it?
Yeah, I will need something wet to wet me up.
You need something to, to, to fucking wet your throat.
At the end of the full circle moment, baby.
First circle.
Heat and rivalry. Start with wet throats, end on them.
There you go. Whoa, alright, well...
I am not looking, I wanna make sure I say this openly.
Make sure you tell the person that does our graphics to pick the one for this one very carefully.
I wonder who's gonna be who.
I, I, I mean, I hope that neither of us are, I think it's maybe just us in hockey stances.
Well, one of us has to be the Russian, the other one has to be the Canadian.
Okay, but we don't need to be like, fucking like...
You know.
Yeah, I don't think it's gonna be two guys.
You never know, because you guys have had to give some notes in the past.
We would. This feels like one that we're gonna have to go back and forth with man who about. Yeah, I'm imagining just the hockey face-off thing.
Hockey face-off is good.
I don't know if you two have to be stacked. Yeah. Yeah, we can't have this.
I wanna make sure I say that on the record.
Frank's kids are gonna see this photo. We can't, we can't do that.
Um, that's so funny. Um, alright, where can they find you Frank?
Uh, the Frank Alvers all over social media. Make sure you check out the Patreon, patreon.com/thebasementyard, where we will have a pastry episode soon. You fucking believe it, okay? And you know what? We could sprinkle in some like pastry facts. Like where does the word cannoli come from? These are all good things that we could possibly do.
We're gonna leave that part out. Uh, it's Italy.
We're just gonna eat them.
We're just gonna eat them and talk about life. Let's have a real, like the pastry episode, let's make it like we're old Italian men sitting at the table and there's, you know.
Oh, should we wear glasses and, um, Kangols?
Kangols, glasses, wigs.
Newspaper.
Newspaper, you know, uh, let's, let's really commit like a, like a, like a fucking Fiorezza Italia shirt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. An undertone of like general racism and stuff.
You have, do you still have your tutti jersey?
I never bought a tutti jersey.
But I definitely would want one. I wanted one.
You know what? Maybe your dad can come in here, so we can have some positivity in this room.
I don't know if he's the one you want in here for positivity in the room. I don't know either.
What would happen if on the episode I asked him about Christopher Columbus Day?
I don't, he probably, I don't think it'd be, like who's that probably? Really? Who's that? The guy who directed Home Alone? Look it up. It is, it's Chris Columbus. Uh.
He's Christopher though.
Where can I find you bud?
You can find me at AntPrisco on Instagram.
You're welcome. And Matt just bought me something with custard, hopefully.
You could, we could take away one of your points. Thank you, I appreciate it. Uh, but you guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato and go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
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Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated