The Basement Yard
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Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. I forgot what the podcast was. Yes. None of that. Yes, welcome back to show from basement. Let's leave that in 2025. Why? Because I don't know what you're doing. I'm, I'm working on an impression. What is that of? Uh, like 90s European club goer. One more time? Yeah, so the show just welcome back to basement. How are you doing, Ant?
Doing good.
You don't think that's pretty good? Welcome back to basement. Like, like the, I saw like a clip from the movie Euro Trip. Whoa, I need to watch that again. Yo, first of all, there's some stuff in it that has not aged well. They dropped some F words in there, but. It's the 90s. It was the 2000s. Just let them rip. Basically in the 90s. Yeah, the priests were saying it probably. They're probably still saying it. They probably still saying it. Yeah, they were, I don't think that the. Yeah, I don't know why. I don't know why I went there. I don't think the like, level of like acceptable behavior should be priests are doing it. I agree.
They use a different F word.
Fondle? What was the word that you were gonna go with?
Father?
Ah, yep, I probably should have. I messed up, we'll edit out. Don't, don't mix. If you're gonna do it, do it.
No, but I, I saw a clip from Euro Trip. Yeah. And I was like, damn, I haven't watched this movie in like four or five years. And then before that, like 12, 15 years. And it's worth another, listen. People forget Scotty Doesn't Know came from there. It's a great song. You know? It's probably the greatest fake a song ever, right? Ooh, that's a good question. Cheetah Girls, Cheetah Sisters had some hits. It's a real song. Well, it was a song in a movie that they then released as a song. I think the same thing happened with Scotty Doesn't Know. Wasn't it like a made up, it was Matt Damon? Oh, maybe it was an actual band probably that did it. It was Matt Damon. Yeah. It was a hundred percent. No, I know that, but. And he was just, you know, basically about, he was getting cucked. Yeah.
He was at the party and he was getting cucked. Yeah, she was in my van, or whatever he says in the song. Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday.
Dude, so recently, I, so, uh. It snowed the other night. Our first snow. I'm sorry, you don't like, you didn't like my, my Euro, my Euro guy? Well documented. It snowed the other night.
You probably got a lot of snow. No, we got ice. Yeah, brother. It did snow? A couple of weeks ago, we got about a foot. A foot? Yeah. How do we live in different worlds? I don't know. We got about a foot a couple of weeks ago. You guys got snow here too. It, it like. Really? Yeah, it wasn't crazy. Yo, there was, there was about.
Hello? It was, it was big, man. They had, I mean, I saw you shoveling. You, you got snow. You sho, you didn't see me huffing and puffing? No, I'm saying like it just snowed and you shoveled. Well, that's because it was, it was ice underneath and then it was like a little beep beep of snow on top. That sucked. Let me tell you, chopping away at that sucked butts. I almost slipped and fucking landed on my ice hill. Well, yeah, I did. Can't, you can't, you know, damage the money maker. Don't say that. Don't you dare say that. What, what is gonna happen when people find out you have, uh, an OnlyFans?
It's like, where are you going with this? I can see- I have an only hands- Of what? It's just my asshole? It's, it would be just your asshole and you'd be talking like Ace Ventura. It's a close up, it's gonna make us get died, dude. Are you okay?
I was just picturing it.
You were picturing my hole? How dare you, bro? Yeah, why are you coughing?
Picturing you talking like Ace Ventura.
You should be what you normally do when you hear about Joey naked, goon.
Too much? Way too much, huh? Um, oh, does that make you, like, your spit thick thing in his asshole? Does it make it what?
What was the first line?
Your spit thick? Oh, I, oh. Also, what? You've never heard that saying? When people like, when you're gonna throw up, it makes your spit thick. Oh, no, I've never heard of that. Really? Yeah.
I was gonna say, we're on Patreon. We're not on Patreon.
Not the first thing that you've said that I haven't heard. We picked up on that last- No, it's a real saying. It's a real saying. I forgot about dental right now. Making- The tongue licks them both. Making my spit thick is a real- Now, now you can see, now- Look it up, look it up, look it up, look it up. Just Google, make, yo, look it up here. Yeah, on the computer, on the computer. Look it up here. Make my, my spit's getting thick. No, do not type that in at all.
What do you want me to, what?
Type in, uh, you know what, this is a-
Yeah, it's gonna, that's why I want to-
Well, Josh might have to edit it out.
Okay.
Type in, uh, making my spit thick. My spit is getting thick saying. No, don't.
This is why I want to-
Oh! Oh.
No, it's how to make my, it's how to make my spit thick.
No, no, no, just say, making my spit thick. It's supposed to be an expression, so just- Click that and we're probably gonna see some things.
Type in expression at the end of this, cuz already we have nothing.
So let's type in expression.
Thank you.
Oh, wow.
Okay, good.
One for one.
Thank you. No, no, one for two.
Oh, one for two.
No, one for one! What do you mean? The other one was a fucking saying. I'm not, I'm not relitigating this. It was a real saying. Okay. It makes your spit thick. Okay. Oh. Ew, it's so gross.
I don't like that at all.
I love when Ed does that and he's just like, come on.
He just goes, mm-kay.
But I, so, it snowed the other night and I was like, I was in the house all day. So you almost hurt your asshole? No, uh, I, so I went for a- You didn't hurt your asshole? I didn't hurt my asshole. It's perfectly fine, you check. Shut up. Uh-
I went for a run and it was like snowing and then I found twenty dollars.
Ooh!
And I was like, wait.
You run in the snow? With what, boots?
No, I ran with like regular shoes.
Dude, brother, you're, you're playing with fire.
Well, the snow was like perfectly.
Oh, it was like ninety's snow.
It was before anyone could get to it.
Ninety's snow is what we refer to it as, where it's like perfect packing snow.
It was like eight o'clock, so the, and like no one was really on the road.
En la mañana.
This was, uh, two nights ago.
So at night you went?
Yeah.
At eight P M. En la noche.
See.
Wow.
But there was no one out there because it was, it was the day after Christmas, so no one's like working or whatever.
Do me a favor.
It hit perfect.
I have a couple of questions for you. There was a lot of crunch, Frank. I, first of all, I love the sound of snow crunching under a shoe.
Second of all, did you do the typical thi- and if you didn't do this, and if you didn't do this, if you didn't do this, you get a pass. Did you do the thing where you just stop and listen and hear nothing?
Yeah, I took a video of it.
Dude, it is such, when I was kinda chopping away at the ice in my driveway, I was, I just stopped and put, I held my fucking, like I'm Farmer Dan, I held my shovel and I was just like.
Ah, the earth.
Like I'm The Rock, you know, it's like.
Yeah. It actually looked like the Jon Hamm meme right there. It did look like it, yeah.
Oh.
Yeah, there you go. Oh.
Very Euro!
Ruined it. Yeah.
No, but I went for a run and then I.
That's date, dude, you gotta be careful.
I found twenty bucks, I was hyped.
You almost slipped?
How'd you find twenty bucks? No, the next, how did I find it? I ran by, I was like, that's twenty dollars. But wouldn't the snow have covered the money? It was like in a, it was like, so there's like parts kinda thing?
It was in a homeless person's hand.
Yeah, it was like, it was, it was in a cup.
No, it was, uh, like, you know how like trees have, um.
Branches?
No, but it's like there's, uh, like brick around it and it's like where the dirt is.
Green streets, as they're called here in New York City.
Is that what they're called?
Alright, but like the snow, like, is on the branches, so like underneath it is not that much snow yet.
So that's where I saw it and I was like, oh, I had, I made 20 bucks. So I was super hyped about that.
I mean, we are getting to an age of falling and being dangerous. So you need to like.
No, Frank.
Brother.
We're 33.
We're not 53.
I, uh, but falling is not like, ha, ha, fall and get up, like you, you get right back up anymore. Like, when's the last time you fell?
When's the last time I fell?
It's 2026. No one falls.
Brother, people still fall.
You're not supposed to fall anymore.
You're not supposed to.
What, you got a trip?
I mean, listen, I, I fell off my bed the other day and.
Huh? What were you doing? Jumping on it?
I was playing with, with Ruby.
Oh, okay.
And, and I, like, we do this game, I'm not gonna tell you the name, cause you're gonna laugh at it, but it's the cutest thing in the world.
Give him, give, hold on. No, go, just say it.
No, I'm not gonna tell.
Why?
But.
I'm not gonna make fun of it.
You will, and I know you will. You love doing that. You do too.
It's a game you play with your daughter. It's cute. What's the name?
It's, she doesn't know how to say destroyers.
So she says destroyers.
Wh- what am I gonna say to that?
You're gonna look at me. Oh my god, your stupid daughter has a speech impediment? Is that what I'm gonna say? You hear that? You hear that?
Destroyers?
You hear that? Very non Euro schmacks of you.
I cannot wait till this one's retired.
No, so, yeah, jokingly, uh.
What's the, what's the game?
It's called destroy, destroyers, where we're just like, like, basically like Power Rangers. Like, I'm gonna use my ice blast and like, she does like a, a twirl and she's like, ha, ha, ha, nice try. And then she like kicks me. And the game always ends with me on the side of the bed and she uses her stroller powers to push me into the lava.
Ah.
But brother. Like, you thi- like, if your bed is this high off the ground, and then your mattress is this high off the ground. Our mattress is bigger than that. Way too high for a mattress. What? What are you sleeping on? A fucking roll of parchment? This is the floor. Oh. Yeah, you think I'm going from the floor floor? Like I'm in a- sleeping in a college bed? Like the mattress, you wanna go jump on it? No, if this is the floor, and this is the bed frame, and then the mattress comes up to about here. Mattresses are fucking thick, dude. It sits in the bed. And it sits in a little bit. Bro, if I'm falling Yeah. two and a half feet, yeah, that's a- that's a long fall. Long?
It's- it's like, you think it's not, go fall, roll off your bed at two and a half feet and tell me it doesn't, like, oh shit, that kinda hurts. Go home, do me a favor, go home, roll off your bed. Get your ass on the ground. You sit here, you make fun of my expressions that are real, by the way. Alright, and then I tell you something like that, and you're not even gonna go and try it? Fall off my bed and hurt myself? Yeah. I'm just saying, we are approaching an age where it is harder for us after a fall to get up, so you going out and running, I'm trying to protect you here. Going out- Thank you. And running in the snow with no proper footwear. Proper footwear? Dude, you could get hurt, man. Or, you could be running and someone's on the road and they lose control.
And they hit you. Yeah, they could. I mean, I'm not running in the street like that. I mean, the whole idea of losing control is that they are gonna go up on the sidewalk. Sure. You run on the sidewalk or the street? I feel like you're a street runner. I usually try to run in the- uh, cause where I am is not very busy, especially in the winter. So I- I run in the bike lane. But it's sectioned off. Oh, okay. I was gonna say, people probably hate you for that. Oh, if there's bikers, yeah. I mean, but it's a two-way one. So they can go around me. So they can go around and hit another biker? Yeah. Oh, wait, so you found twenty dollars, what did you do with the twenty dollars? I invested it and I turned it into three million dollars. And here's how. It's- no, it's- I woke up at 4 a.m. because if you sleep past 6, you're a pussy.
No, I put it in my pocket and it remains.
In your pocket?
Let me see it.
No, not this pocket, in my jacket pocket that I ran with.
Bring it next time.
I wanna see it.
I was planning on, I was just gonna like give it to someone if I saw them, if like they were like homeless or something, but I didn't see anyone.
Well.
Had my eyes closed.
Take it, take it, take it.
No, I mean like if I saw a homeless person, I'll give it to them, I'll go. Can't see him if your eyes are closed.
That's right, yeah.
That was a joke?
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Different thing.
Um, that's, that's a weird transition.
Let's do something fun and make homeless people the butt of our jokes. In our studio. Wouldn't that be something? Wouldn't that make us good? Let's do that.
Done.
What do you think, Ant?
I'm here to observe today.
That was good, cuz I was trying to bring you in down with us and you didn't take the bait. That's PR.
Well, first of all, I am not going down with the ship.
And I will go down with this ship.
Love that melody.
And I will turn my sails out.
Well, now I'll take it back. I'll go down with any ship with you. He's not gonna go down with you, crazy.
You kidding me? I'm the fucking co-captain of this ship, bitch.
Seems like.
I'm riding, I'm riding port.
Seems like you just.
Where are you? You're in the fucking booty. What's it called in the back?
I only know starboard and port.
That's left and right. The mast. And the ass.
Skipper.
That's the one that.
I wanna be in a crow's nest.
Dude, I wanna be in a crow's nest and have one of these.
You know what I'm talking about?
Do those work?
They can't. They absolutely can't. I mean, if pirates use them, they've gotta be stupid.
Cuz pirates, we can offend pirates now, right?
I don't know any.
I mean, not, I don't think like what they were, the version of pirates that we've come to know, really exist anymore. Pirates exist.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they're scary, and I'm not gonna offend them. Do your pirating.
Right.
But like, big hat. Beads in the hair.
Drag.
Sure.
Yeah, like, it's a form of drag, it's sea drag.
You know, it's like, we're gonna be crime, but we're gonna dress up.
Oh, that would be my, my drag name if I were a pirate.
You haven't said it.
Sea Drag Inn.
Sea Drag, but my name would be Inn.
Like Sea Dragon.
I'm confused about what your name is.
Sea Dragon.
Is that not a good name for a drag pirate?
I wonder what my, like, like, what's a good drag?
Or Booty Jones.
Booty Jones is a great drag name.
Booty Jones, I'm a pirate.
Booty Jones, that's a good one. I need one. Like,
like, uh, something Electra.
Uh.
Plunder Queen.
I don't like that.
No?
Well, you're staying on pirate.
Well, cuz you're, are you not a drag pirate?
Oh, I'm gonna be a pirate?
Oh, you can go other types of
Drag?
Drag performers?
Yeah, yeah.
What, so like, what it means-
What are some good drag names? Type in drag, put in drag name generator.
Drag name generator.
Let's try to figure out what my drag name would be here.
Oh, man. Based on name, that's a good one, cuz Joe would be something like Josephine Santagato Tits or something. That's actually kinda not bad.
Oh, we got categories.
Funny puns, funny puns, sexy puns!
Sexy puns? Oh.
Immediately an ad.
Now they want us to subscribe to-
So sexy puns, sexy puns, sexy puns.
Name me.
Ooh, alright, wait.
Who's going first?
Me. I think Joey should go first.
Me, me, me!
Yeah, absolutely.
Myra Heat?
Myra Heat? Myra Heat? Myra Heat?
I don't know, but that's a sexy fucking name, dude.
Heat in a name is great. Myra is, that's a, that's a nice name, too.
Alright. That's not bad. Which one do you want?
Ant, you can go next.
Yeah, go to your category.
Me?
Put your category, no, no!
Oh, pick a category.
Yeah. Ooh, let me go horror, let me go horror.
Horror, oh, this kid loves it. It's gonna be like Michael Myers with tits.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah. Here we go.
Ready?
Venom-.
Venom Vesper.
Oh my god, that is sexy as hell.
That's a good one! Venom Vesper?
That's a really good one.
Love that.
I'm, I'm a diamond. And you gotta have like a little green from here for Venom.
Okay. Alright, what's yours? What's yours? What are the categories again? Pick your drag name! A pageant queen. What is Frank? Well, still, I don't like that, because I'm stupid.
You're stupid, just do it. Alright, alright. Let's go stupid. I'll be stupid, I'll be stupid for you. We're gonna do the other ones anyway, we're so excited. I didn't even say anything. Alright, my stupid drag name would be... Yolanda Dumpster. Oh yeah.
Hell yeah. Honestly, fuck you, Myra Heat, Venomavesper. Yolanda Dumpster, baby, cuz I got that trash back there, you know what I'm saying? Oh man. Oh, hell yeah. Oh yeah. Yo, Yolanda Dumpster, holy shit. My shit is stanky, baby, you know what I'm saying? Are you flexing? I don't know, what are you saying? Alright, I mean, we need to do one for every category now. I'm crying. We need to do one for every single category. So, next is Joe, you have to pick another category, but not the ones we've used. Just start from the top, babe, gimme, gimme. Modern drag. Yeah, gimme modern drag. Modern drag. He's a modern guy, look at him, he looks like, he looks like he has glasses on.
Kira Quirk! It's a little close. That's so close. It's a little close. To what? Nothing. Nothing, don't worry about it. Kira Quirk? Uh... Is it clo- I don't even know. It's kinda close, I mean, the RK. Kira Quirk, congrats.
Thank you. Alright, diva celebrity, uh, this is gonna be like a celebrity name. Wait, but what if I want alternative? Alright, you know what, you can do alternative. You are alternative. I can see that, you do like to listen to a lot of alternative music. Let's see what you got, let's see what you got.
Sorrow Posh? Oooh! You're like an emo bastard. I imagine you with long, black hair and bangs that come to the top of your eyelids. And tits the size of beach balls. That's cool. Sure. Yeah, and a guitar. That's cool. Posh, though, posh. Posh. Posh, you need to be in red bottoms. Yeah. That's fine. Um, are you wanna? You can trade a mid-after. You're gonna be diva? Um, I'll be diva celebrity, yeah. Let's see what we got going on here. This is like, okay, go. See ya later? (laughing) That sucks dude. That fucking sucks so bad. That's so bad. Bring me back to Yolanda dumpster. See ya later? That sucks.
Oh, that is bad. Roll for me again, come on. I can't be see ya later. This is just, this is- If the next one is in a wild crocodile, I'm gonna fucking lose my mind. But this is your calling, this is who, this is who you are. That's just who I feel I am. Alright, fine, you want another one? Yeah, give me another. Mariah Scary. Could be worse than anyone we've seen. Honestly, that's kinda somehow worse than see ya later. Alright, go back and I'll do pageant queen. Oh yeah, he is. Ready? Yeah. Brielle St. James. That is the horniest name ever, that's a porn star name. Brielle St. James? I imagine it as like, uh, one of the like, women in Austin Powers. Like, this is Brielle St. James, you know? And then she just like comes out and sucks on a chess piece or something? Yeah.
When was the last time you saw Austin Powers? And- Last two here. I'm gonna go cutesy. So you're leaving-
Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
Me with funny puns or sexy? Yeah, you're gonna get funny puns. Of course I am. I'll go cutesy. Go cutesy, baby. Here we go.
Taffy toots? Taffy toot, taffy toot! That sounds like you fart string. It does, a little bit.
Taffy toots! Taffy toots? Yeah, so I guess I'm stuck with- Silly string. Funny puns. Here we go, buddy. If this is another see ya later, I'm gonna fucking lose my shit. Alright, here we go.
Paige Turner!
Dude, they suck.
I just sound like-
Why do I get the shitty ones? Gimme a cool, gimme a sexy pun one. Okay. Gimme a better name than that. You want sexy pun? Sexy pun, yo, yo, yo! Vivy Vice!
Oh, that's a good one!
Vivy Vice!
Yeah!
Wow!
That's good. Yolanda Dumpster, oh my god, dude, that fucking murder. Oh, that's a goo- that's a good one. How did we get on the topic of drag? I have no idea. Oh, I said that pirates were drag queens. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sea dragon.
Yolanda Dumpster, man.
Or, oh, my na- I know a good pirate drag name. Rum Bucket.
I get it. But, Rum Bucket, because... Come. Bucket. I got it.
Am I hearing pneumonia?
What's going on over there?
There's stuff happening here. While Frank's putting it together, we do have some sponsors for today. The first one being Squarespace. Squarespace is a website or a platform that they're going to build your website on, okay? So, if you have a, you know, small business, or you create content, or whatever, you can create your website with Squarespace, and it's going to help you, because your website is going to be your first impression, and if your website doesn't look great, then people will probably not buy, or stick around, or whatever. So, you want to have a professional-looking website, they make it very easy to have that in a short amount of time, because they have templates that are going to act as a template. And you click on it, and it populates a website, you switch out the pictures and the text,
and you have a professional-looking website that is very functional. So, they make it very easy. In the past, you would have to hire people, it took forever, but they make it very easy, and I've been using them for years. All of the websites that we have, they're all powered by Squarespace. So, you know, if you're gonna be using it, I suggest you use this one. They also have a bunch of tools to make sure you're optimizing your traffic and your analytics, they can keep track of all of that. So, you can head to Squarespace.com and use the offer code BASMENT to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain, okay? So, that is Squarespace.com/Basement, and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code BASMENT to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website. Or a domain, okay? So let me know if you're using that Squarespace, ladies and gentlemen. And we also have Zocdoc, okay?
Zocdoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high-quality in-network doctors so you can find someone you love, okay? Before they were even a sponsor on this show, I was using Zocdoc. I still use it to this day, even if I need to see a specialist of some kind. If you have to see a dermatologist or a primary care physician, I will go on Zocdoc. You plug in your insurance, and then it will show the doctors that take your insurance in your area and their next available appointment, which is usually within 48 hours. And it just makes it very easy. So you can find everything you need, whether you want dermatology, eye care, or any sort of care. Go on Zocdoc, plug in your insurance, and they will show you the ones in your area. And also, they're patient-reviewed, so you can see who's got a good score, who's got
a good office, and this and that. So, there you go. They make it easy. And you can stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com/basement. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash basement, okay?
Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk-takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
There you go. All right. Hold on. Sorry. Patreon just called. They're on the line. Are you gonna pick up the phone?
That would be Patreon is calling, I believe? Patreon's on the line.
Patreon's calling. Are you gonna pick up the call? Patreon.com/thebasementyard. If you like this show, we kindly ask that you go check out that little website. What are you gonna get there? Where you're gonna see that there are a couple different tiers. And if you sign up for those tiers, there might be some benefits that come along with them. That first tier, you get these weekly episodes, seven whole days in advance. So you'll get in on the conversation, the laughs, the hee-hees, the ha-has, one week before everybody else, okay? And then that second tier, guess what? Guess what you get? Take a wild guess.
Exclusive episodes, I said it first, we said it at the same time, we're finishing each other's sentences. If you get exclusive episodes every single Friday, isn't that fun, isn't that neat? It's nice, I think it's nice, you guys have been so supportive and loving and we appreciate it so much, thank you. That's for you, and for those of you that don't and haven't been there, I'm taking it back and I'm gonna hold it until you go to patreon.com/thebasementyard. And if you do it on a web browser, guess what? You can save yourself some money if you wanna sign up, if you sign up with an app, they're gonna take extra money from you, you don't want that. Put more money back in your pocket, okay, don't, don't, don't, don't give it to the tech overlords that are slowly, you know, draining us of all, everything that we have. Go check it out, or not.
Cool kids are doing it though, patreon.com/thebasementyard. You could also check out tbytourmerch.com, or not. Check out if there's any leftover tour merch from our tour, maybe, maybe you check it out, I don't know.
What the hell is that?
Well, why do you give me the allowance to do that?
The allowance?
Why do you allow me to do that?
I wonder how long you could, like, if you did a podcast by yourself, like, how long do you think you could go?
Uh, an hour.
I, I, years ago when I did the, the wrestling podcast, I, there were a couple of, like, not a lot, there were like one or two episodes where I did by myself and I just talked. And...
Rattled it.
Just rattled, I mean, but that, that was different because that was about a thing, so like, we talk about like, Raw, and then SmackDown, and then NXT, and yada, yada, yada, so like, I had stuff to talk about to fill the time.
But like, here?
Letting it just...
Letting it, let it rip, maybe, maybe we fuck around, maybe we have a Just Frank episode and we see what gets, what, what happens, just get wild. You know, see where it goes.
Uh, that would be interesting to hear.
I, I mean, just cuz whenever, like before you just recorded an ad for Santa Gato Studios and like, sometimes he just goes on tangents and it's like, the ad is supposed to be like, two minutes and it's 50 minutes of footage.
Well, I, I like to take the approach of just like, I'm gonna do it,
Mm-hmm.
well, you know, like that's, that's the approach I like to take. Like, I'm gonna try to do this thing well.
Like, so, when we do an ad, I try to read it and do it, and ad lib a little bit, cuz that's what these companies want. They want a little,
You know, they want a little paprika in there. They don't want just salt and pepper.
So, that, my mentality definitely going into 2026 as well is like, if you're gonna do something, do it well.
As opposed to doing it poorly? Right. I mean, yeah, I, why? That's good. I value, I value,
No great in there? Effort. No, I, I try to do it well. No good? I mean, sometimes things end up being good.
Honestly, profound, groundbreaking stuff. If you're gonna do it, do it well. Not something I've ever heard before. And I'm, I'm taking that energy into 26 as well.
I mean, what's funny about that? I think that's a, that's a legitimate thing to bring in to anyone's life. When you do, like, if you're going to, like, I am at a point in my life where my mentality is like, if you're going to do something, try to do it well.
Recent point in your life? I don't, I don't understand what's so funny about that.
It's just funny because you're saying it in a way like it's,
that you've created.
I mean, I do think that like, there is a bit of this, mentality with people. I don't get, what's funny?
I'm not even laughing at it.
Yeah, you're laughing.
I'm just, I'm smiling.
There is definitely like a, a, I'm coming to a point in my life where I'm seeing people do stuff and they're just like, whatever. I don't wanna do that. I wanna like, make it good.
So, if I'm going to do it, if I'm committing to doing something, my mentality is like, it's going to be pretty darn good.
I'm gonna try to make it as, as good as it could be.
Would you say that,
would you say that, um,
like, does this resonate with you? And this is something I just came up with.
Just do it.
I don't like that. I know that's Nike's. I don't, I don't like that because in my head, just doing it isn't enough. Isn't enough. You gotta do it well. You need to do it well. If you're gonna do it, do it well. I think. And where'd you hear that? Or that just came to you? I, I was, I was sitting outside the other night. And I was hanging out. I had a drink. Yeah. And I was thinking like, okay, I, yeah, I, I know you don't like doing this. I at the end, I, I at the end of the year, I do look at New Year's as like a bit of a transition point. Like I do look at it as like, it's an end, here's a start. So toward the end of the year, I also do this around my birthday. I sit outside, I reflect back on the, on the last year and I look forward on what I want to do for the next year.
So in, in my time, kind of being self-reflective, I thought like, okay. If you're going to do something in 2026, do it well. I don't. It's such a troll, bro. It's crazy. What? You're trolling. I don't know what you're talking about.
You're trolling me. I'm not trolling. Like, like the Patreon reads, those are memorable. Why? Because I go in with the mentality of like, alright, if you're gonna do this, make it good. Like better than good. Pretty good. Yeah. I think pretty good is less than good. It feels less.
Pretty good. Pretty good. It depends how you emphasize it. 2026 is gonna be a life-changing year for all of us.
And I think that if we go in them with, with the mentality of like. Shut the fuck up, bro. The, the things that we do, we gotta do them well. Yeah. Duh. Yeah. I mean, it's such a simple concept, but you have to say it. How much of life is so simple that we forget to acknowledge it? Bro, you're trolling. Why am I trolling when I'm expressing myself? First of all, don't turn this around because you know what you're doing, you son of a bitch. Honestly, I'm in. Thank you. On what? You are, you are a really good, you are a really, really good, like, standard for doing something well because you, and, and the streams and everything, you guys do a lot of really good stuff. I'm, I'm not fucking around. Now I'm getting confused. No, I'm serious. Now I don't know what's happening anymore.
Bro, you guys stream consistently. You put out stuff. It's, it's, it's funny. It keeps you engaged and stuff like that. So my mentality is like, I was thinking about you doing this. Like if I'm going to do something, I want to do it well. Like, what's crazy? Alright, I think you just want, because I, I think that that is the right sentiment. What you're trying to do is say that as many times as you possibly can. And I know that you're trolling. I, I'm trying to explain it in a way that is the most digestible.
And give you your flowers. I mean, Jesus Christ, I just. I, I enjoy roses. Do you?
What would you do if I got you a bouquet of flowers? You'd be like, "Oh, thanks." I would think you'd be, you were thinking about me, and I would love that. Oh, wow. Nice. I don't know what I'd do with them. What does anyone do with them? Smell them. I mean, you put them in a pot of water. Yeah, you, you, you display them. What would you do if I got you a bouquet of flowers?
I would display them. That's very nice. We, we talked about this years ago. I, I love flowers. Hmm. Favorite flower, I forgot?
You know, I'm not really sure, but I, I, I, I really like tulips. I like a tulip too. I like tulips. That was Becca's flower. I don't even think I knew a tulip existed before Becca. Tulip? I feel like that's a... Oh, oh, there's one that's a fucking, it's big and, and it's got a fat ass. Orchids? No, um, god! Type in orchid. It's something with an A. Orchid? Something with an A. Anus. Orchids are like, aren't they like one of the hardest flowers to like maintain? I, I couldn't tell you. I've never had one. I believe they're like famously known to like be very difficult and look straight up. Yeah, I see what you're doing. A little bit.
There's one, it's like a real, it's like a flower ball, and then it blooms into a beautiful flower. It has, it starts with an A though, I think. I can't type an A flower. Go back, there was a thing of like flower names. Flowers beginning with the letter A. What is it, what is it, what is it, what is it? No, order that first one. I can't see it!
It's not even zooming it in for me. Oh, here we go.
Scroll down.
Aster.
Peony, yo.
Peony is not an A at all.
I know, I was wrong.
It's not, it's not.
Look up, look up.
It's not. Oh, oh, did you mean aster?
No, no, no, peony, I meant.
Didn't mean, okay, got it, got it.
Look up peonies.
What is that?
That's my sister's favorite flower.
Coxcomb? It's crazy.
Get the fuck out of here.
You know how those got their name?
Yeah, people were combing their dicks with it.
Oh, water lilies are also beautiful.
What did we want?
Peony. Dude, a big fucking like, it's, it looks like a baseball of flowers and then it blooms and it's beautiful.
My sister likes peonies.
They're beautiful.
Yeah, they're good flowers.
It looks like ice cream.
I would eat that. I would eat the fuck out of that. I would eat up flowers.
I've eaten flowers.
I've, what?
What? I've eaten flowers.
I don't think that's that crazy. I mean, you're eating the packaging that your Amazon packages show up with.
Peonies, very pretty. Orchids, tall, but very pretty.
Yeah, sunflowers, pretty, but then get real ugly real quick.
How you feel about mums?
I'm, I'm in on mums.
I like mums.
I like mums, but like, one of those mu- like, mums get real pretty and then they're fucking hideous.
You know, like, I, I like something that has longevity, but you brought up money before and I wanted to bring this up. I saw one. I'm gonna ask you guys. You love doing these ant questions, but it's not an ant question at the time. It's a frank question.
Oh, stole your segment.
Frank question.
I mean, he's doing it well. If he's gonna do it, he's gonna do it well.
I don't like that you guys are making fun of that, because that's something I've seriously like tried to bring into like 2026.
Yeah, but I don't know if you're being ser- cuz see, you see when the camera's on me, you start laughing.
No, I'm not.
You scum bag.
So I don't know what's happening here. I was, I, I am.
Don't repeat it!
I'm only gonna not believe it even more.
More.
I'm only gonna not believe it more. That was VV Vice talking right there. No, you're VV Vice.
I'm VV Vice?
Who am I? You're so, so.
Mira Heat?
Mira Pounda or something? I'm fucking Yolanda Dumpster.
Alright, alright, alright, alright.
Yolanda dumpster.
So you can only pick one of these.
A million dollars a day.
This is post-tax, by the way. Or non-tax. Let me say.
I know, it's a big topic of conversation. A hundred million dollars, instant.
Ten thousand dollars per minute.
Or one thousand dollars per second.
Now, I know this probably is smart, like, something smart.
I mean, there's, there's one easy distinction. The, the second one, what was it? Ten thousand dollars per minute?
Ten thousand dollars per minute. That's out of there.
Instead of ten thousand per, it's, it's a thousand per second.
Which is insane.
Yeah, but, and what was the ten thousand dollar one?
Ten, no, it was-
Ten thousand a minute?
Ten thousand a minute.
One thousand a second. Hundred million instant. Or one million per day.
Ten thousand a second?
No, no, it's one thousand per second. Are you kidding me?
I think I- Sorry, ten thousand a minute, sorry.
I think I would do a thousand- I mean, that's the easy answer, that's, that's like the easy wrong answer.
That's the easiest one to say no, because I'll just do a thousand a second.
Giving to me again, I gotta write it down.
A thousand? A thousand? A second.
That means per sixty seconds, it's sixty thousand dollars. Or ten thousand dollars-
Per minute?
Per minute.
Get rid of the ten thousand dollars.
Yeah, it's bad, it's bad.
Easily out. That's a very easy one.
Alright.
A hundred-
You're the only one- That's bad, that's bad, that's bad.
A hundred mil instantly.
Eh.
Or a million dollars per day.
Okay. I think the answer is the seconds.
I would say, no, I would say it's a million dollars a day.
I think it's a, it's the seconds. Isn't there a lot of seconds in a day?
What's sixty times twenty-four?
Uh, yeah, I mean-
Eh!
I'll look it up.
It's 1.2?
60 times
No, that's not right.
24. It's 1440. So it's 1440 minutes in a day. So times that by 60, because that's 60,000. That's $86,000. So a million dollars a day would be the smart thing to do.
Wait, what did you just do?
Yeah, yeah, no. Well, you did that wrong. You said 24.
That's hours, brother.
How many seconds are in a day?
So it's, it's
Sorry, I'm not doing this quite well.
It's 60 times 60.
I'm not doing this quite well.
60 times 60.
So 60.
Times 24.
There's an easier way, fellas. How many seconds are in a day? How many seconds in a day? And it is 86,400 seconds. So 86,400 times
What was it?
60K.
A thousand.
No.
That's wrong. Wait, stop, stop.
A thousand dollars a second.
So 60 times 60, now we got hours, times 24, 86,400. 86,400, times 1,000
Is 86 million.
86 million a day.
Really? Yeah, that's what I wrote in. I thought that was wrong.
Yeah, that doesn't
I have a feeling I'm gonna pick that one.
Yeah, that's the one. I didn't do that well.
86,000 dollars, 86 seconds in a day.
I, I fucked up, guys.
It's okay.
Forgive me.
You didn't do that well.
But it's the big, it's technically when we're recording. When we are recording pre 2026, it is 2025. So once 2026 hits, I won't be doing shit like that ever again. Everything I'll do from here on out will have much aplomb.
It will. Um, what was the other ones? It was like a million a day? Dude, imagine having like a thousand dollars per second. Like literally you go into any store.
That's like, that's like, do you ever see the, it was like a TikTok and it was like Jeff Bezos walking through an Amazon warehouse? And it was like, he goes up to workers and there's like, hey, and the workers are like, hey, congrats on everything. You're doing great. And on their like chest, it has like, how much they're earning per second? And he's in like, obviously thousands of dollars.
And I saw some stat that Bill Gates, if he saw a hundred dollar bills on the, on the ground, picking it up is not worth his time compared to how much he's making per day.
Like the amount of time to pick up that hundred dollar bill, he already made it.
Oh my god. So what did it cost you to pick up that twenty that you found? Let's do that. Joe makes what? Fifty million dollars a year?
Oh man, imagine?
Fifty, uh, trust me, I think about making that money all the time, okay? Uh, he makes fifty million a year.
Okay. Do you guys have a dollar amount that... He said that fast, seriously. Do you guys have a dollar amount that you're like, alright, if I had that, then I'd just be like, I'm good? Like you have an enough number?
Say fifty mil is around there.
I mean, yeah. I don't know.
Why are you thinking?
Do you think like a cartoon character? He was like, he was like, oh, fifty mil.
In the account, fifty mil would be nice?
Yeah, of course.
Ten?
Like a...
You don't, you don't, you don't, you think if you had ten million dollars, you'd be like, alright, I need to like... I would, if I got ten million dollars, I'd be like, oh man, this might not last forever. If I had fifty million dollars, I would...
What? Ten million?
How's that not gonna last forever?
You were just saying, uh, you would OBJ, you were on the phone the other day and you were just like, it's so hard for us, guys.
You just said this.
No. I, I, I think I can make ten million last for a lifetime.
Of course. Ten.
No, but if I, if you're giving me, if, if like, what's the question?
The question is like...
If the question's like, what do you need? I'll say like fifty. Cause what are they gonna say? Like, no, do it for thirty. I'd be like, okay.
Well, no one's gonna put the money in your account. I meant just like, if, if there's a number in your...
You never know. You wonder if there's any billionaires watching this? You ever thought about that?
Who can just give money away?
Why can't they?
I mean, would you? If I was a billionaire and a random podcast was like, it'd be cool to have fifty million, be like, you know what, I'm gonna wire them. Bro, billionaires do dumb things all the time.
Yeah, but I'm saying like, is that, is that something you would do?
If you were, bro, if you were, if you had... Uh, uh, uh, look, look, I don't even need to say... A, a hundred billion. Let's say if you had a billion dollars... In your bank account right now.
And someone was just like, ha ha, give me fifty mil.
You wouldn't be, there wouldn't be a party that's just like, oh, I can.
I mean, yeah, you could, but I, I wouldn't give it to a random person, I don't think.
I mean, we're not random people.
To a, to someone who has a billion dollars, yeah.
I mean, a lot of people that watch this show have a bit of a parasocial relationship with us. You don't know if like, there's some billionaire watching that's just like, I feel like I'm one of those guys. Now let me go take a bath in sheep's blood.
And, and why are them fifty million?
And why are them fifty mil- Listen, billionaires, I know what you're watching.
It could be pretty cool if you did this. Like, cool kids do stuff like that. And I know you're trying to kind of fit in. I know that being a billionaire kind of removes you from society a bit. You're trying to fit in. We want to fit, you to fit in.
I'm in this?
Yes.
So like, just give us twenty mil each? Oh, we're down to twenty now. Twenty, twenty, twenty, sixty.
I'll take ten, make it fifty, I'm fine.
Alright, how about this? How about you get nothing now?
Well, I'm trying to help.
Wow. I'm the one that's talking to the billionaire right now.
You're right.
Like, isn't that a weird, like, jokes aside, isn't that a weird concept that like? Oh, by the way, we're all taking a thousand per second, right?
Honestly, though, I wouldn't hate a million a day. Snap answer, if it was just like, you need to answer in three seconds, I'd say a million a day.
I feel like it's cooler to say that.
It's, it's definitely cooler to say eighty-six million a day.
Three hundred and sixty-five million dollars a year. That's cool. That's insane.
That's pretty nuts.
Not gonna complain about it.
Ah, I, I, I don't think I will either, but...
Let me ask a question.
Oh, okay. Ah, here we go. I know what Joe is doing now, because he loves to do this.
I'm joking.
Go, go, go.
No, I was gonna say... You think money buys happiness?
I think it helps. I absolutely think it helps. I think that money brings along other issues that you would not underst- but, you know, you can't anticipate. But in terms of like,
what is a lot of people's source of woe?
Whoa, it's crazy.
I think money helps a lot.
It might not be, it might be just like a, a shot, like it might be like two years of happiness, not like lifelong happiness.
I think, I think the answer is just yeah.
You just think it's a yeah?
Just yeah.
Why do you think people who have money say it doesn't?
Because they need to be more relatable to people. To be like, it's so hu- you think all this money is so easy to have? It's so, I'm just miserable as you.
Cause see, at the, at the end of the day, money doesn't fix problems in here.
That's a really good point.
You know what I'm saying?
Really good point.
And everyone has this.
And your sweater?
That too.
Oh, it actually will probably fix-
A lot of people probably do have that sweater.
It'll probably fix problems in there.
It's a nice sweater, by the way.
Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Where's that from?
Great question.
No, I, I, I do think that there is, like, if you take a snapshot of an individual at that point in time, happiness is relative, it's based off of, you know, it's situational. If you take an individual and you give them a lot of money, they will become happier. But with that money comes a boatload of different issues and problems that they had not anticipated, and those will probably were the other, like, problems and shit that'll creep in. So I guess I'm, I know you hate that I do this, like, it's like a yes and no, it depends.
I think, uh, at the end of the day, you'd rather be broke with problems, you wouldn't rather be broke with problems than rich with problems. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but the problems, I, I, I mean, I, I imagine that like billionaire rich problems are like, fucking whoa dude, like more intense than
problems.
I doubt it.
The casualness of your answer.
What do you think?
Um. Yeah, I mean, I have a similar answer to you. I think that like, yes, of course. I just think that you hear people say all the time, or so, I forgot who it was, but someone famous, like some celebrity said like, "I wish people could, you know, have everything they ever wanted to know that," it might have been like Jim Carrey or some shit. So that they could know that like, it's, not that it's meaningless or something, I don't know, that they're still unhappy or whatever the fuck. Your answer to, I think, I, that resonates of being like, I think that's what, why people say that. It's like, "Oh, I'm still unhappy because of my relationships with my family and my friends and blah, blah, blah."
But you also, like, not, having financial security is like a big one, dude. Like, I think saying that money can't buy happiness ignores that, and like, that's a massive one that everyone is dealing with.
Everyone wants.
Yeah, like, you want financial security, and of course, it's not gonna fix all of your problems, so if you don't have to think about your financial situation at all, I think naturally, you're going to think of what your issues are and try to plug those holes, so you'll notice that you still have issues. That maybe some are deep-seated. So like, yeah, money can't technically fix those things, but you're in a better position.
But even like, when you're saying like, you know, it doesn't fix this. Access to more money definitely assists people with having the resources to seek out mental health professionals and stuff like that, so like, yeah, they might still not, like, there might be some parts of them that they can't fix, but like, they now have access to resources that can definitely give them the tools to make those things feel better.
That's not exactly what I meant. I meant more like, if I have a thousand dollars and my grandma's a bitch, than if I have a billion and my grandma's still a bitch, you know what I mean?
Yeah, but the issue is that at a thousand dollars, she's a bitch, at a billion dollars, she's a bitch, and she won't leave you alone, and she's asking for money.
Could be a bigger bitch.
Right, but now I have a billion dollars. She could be a bitch, I don't care.
In the, in the, in the other wing of my house.
I mean, I, I, I seriously would love to know.
I don't wanna say my mom, I feel like she'd see it, then she'd be confused that I called her a bitch, it's a whole thing.
I mean, who's, which of your grandmothers are still alive?
One of them.
Which one were you talking about, though?
The one that's dead, I guess, because she wouldn't hear it?
Got it.
Well, technically, she's sitting right next to you right now, so.
God is listening and Santa.
And Santa and, uh...
Other all-knowing beings.
And orbs, I guess.
Um...
She wasn't.
No, okay.
No, I, I do, I, I think that like, I would love to know where that saying like, came from. Because I do think that'll probably tell us a lot about... Because people love to say that, like, "Oh, money can't buy you happiness," and it's like... When it came from someone that had the world at their fingertips and they're just trying to not sound like a pretentious douchebag.
I do think that it's true... I thi- I do think that it's true if you want it to be true. Like, I think that like... I s- I heard a quote one time, it was like... I, I may have been butchering, I may be butchering this, but... It's like, happiness is... What you have minus what you want. So like... On any sort of level, like, what you have minus what you want. If you don't want anything, then you, then you, you're pretty content. Or if you like, there are things that you want, and if you're just a person who... Needs billions of dollars in order to, like, that's the thing that you're after. Like, obviously, that's a very difficult thing to do. So... That person, hypothetically, would be more miserable than we are.
True.
If it's like, "I'm never gonna be done, and this is what I, and I have to be in a state of stress, and I never take time for myself," or whatever. Maybe that's why people are saying certain things like that, I don't know, but I think it's a stupid thing to say publicly to...
I also-
Like, an audience.
Yeah, I, I, it, also because, and again, this is, I know, this is the nitpicky person in me, breaking this down, but like... It also is entirely dependent on how a person... Defines happiness. So like, if a hap- if, if, there are people, and, and I'm, I'm like this to a degree, I'm not afraid to admit it, that like... Happiness is tied to a bit of like, materialistic stuff, you know? So... If... That stuff does make people happier, then yeah, money will bring happiness. But also, if happiness is not in that... It isn't, so...
To say like, "Money doesn't buy you happiness," and it's like, well...
I do think that you-
Technically, it can.
There's so much nuance to that, obviously, but I do think that like people think that they, if they had the, a bigger house, it would be better. And it would, but eventually I think that you get desensitized to your position no matter what. And then it's like, you, cause if you move into the neighborhood where everyone's got big houses, I think that you adapt to that environment and then you're like, comparing yourselves to these people, you know? Like if you are in the NBA, and you're making seven million dollars a year, it's like, I'm fucking chilling. But around you, these people are making fifty, sixty, whatever, a, a year. So you're kind of like, oh, I'm actually at the bottom of the totem pole here.
So I feel like, and then you get caught up in that, like, race. Like I said, that's why it's like, the, the, what you just said, I agree with, where you're saying it's, it, uh, it depends how you define that. Which is why I was saying it's like what you have versus what you want.
Hmm.
And if you, and that's why I also started this by saying like, what is your number of like enough, essentially? Not that these two things are completely tied, it wasn't like a fucking thing I planned on doing. But, uh,
once you get past a certain point, it's like, oh, I'm fine with being content here and I'm happy to, you know, kind of do this. Like some people just need constantly, like they try to fill their problems with material things. So like, I'm gonna buy a car, I'm gonna buy a house, I'm gonna buy clothes, designer stuff, watches, blah, blah, blah. And then eventually it's just a watch. And like, you're cool, you like the watch, it's cool, but you come, become desensitized to the fact that I've owned this watch for five years. But the thing that I was trying to fix by buying a watch is gonna be there, so I'll just buy another watch. Or I'll just buy a, you know, you're like, you can't fix your problems with shh, things.
Yeah, but like I said before, with that money also does come more access to-
Yeah, if you're responsible then you could-
Mental health, mental health services and stuff like that can in a way-
Fix those, which is, I mean-
Very helpful.
I, I, very helpful and is also kind of like an inherent flaw in that whole, you know, system, but like, if you have more money,
you can do the things that make you happy and you can fix the things that make you unhappy. So-
Okay, so we're saying it can't fix every problem?
Yeah, duh.
Okay, right. So, what percentage of problems do you think it could fix? Let's just give it a number.
I'm gonna say like eighty-five.
Eighty-five. Oh my, you take that every day of the week, don't you?
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, of course.
Bro, if someone came to me and said like, "Yo, you're gonna have a billion dollars." But-
You can live with fifteen percent.
You can live with like fifteen percent of your life being problematic.
Yeah, you can live with that.
Duh!
Of course.
I don't li- I- I hate the mentality though of just like, like, why ask for a billion? Like, you'd be good with like, five hundred million, and it's just like, "Because you're asking me to ask for a billion dollars, and I wanna do it."
Well, it's a different thing.
But I get you.
You're asking me to- I mean, but eh, where this started is like, there could be billionaires that see our clips and watch our show. And you don't know, dude! Like, that's nuts! Is that not nuts? Like, that's what the fucking- that's what's so crazy about the internet. Like, bro, we could just be sitting here talking about the weight of our dicks, and like, there could be a billionaire like, sitting there with a mother of pearl spoon eating caviar on a yacht in the Bahamas, and they're just like, "These guys are funny."
They're not in the Bahamas.
I'm gonna like this.
Not in the Bahamas.
Yeah. I mean, that is funny.
Those are- those are- those are men and women that
they lived with the mentality of trying to do things well. And look where it got them. If you're gonna do things, do it well.
I think so.
Oh my god, you're so right, Frank. I'm so glad you came up with that. Um, we do have some more sponsors for today, speaking of money. Uh,
this one is... What is this?
We got Skims. Uh, Skims makes underwear. Um, and it used to be just for women, but now it's for men too. You can shop, uh, underwear for men and women at skims.com. Uh, they have a five-inch boxer brief that is lovely, okay? I have a couple of pairs of Skims. They sent them to us, and they're very comfortable.
I like them a lot. I know that Frank likes them too. You know, it's a, it's a good, I actually got my secret Santa some Skims because they asked for underwear.
Ooh, big Skims holiday season.
Weird thing to ask your, your boy for, but is what it is.
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Love how we transitioned from, like, where did we even start this episode? Euro guy?
I have Euro Frank, Destroyler and Drag Names.
Destroyler's is the cutest game in the world. It's so fun. I obviously was joking. I knew you wouldn't make fun of it, but like.
You never know.
No, I knew that one pretty well.
I hope. I was hoping the name gave me an opening that I could just rip it to shreds.
Just rip Yolanda Dumpster to shreds.
Oh my God, Yolanda Dump, Yol, what? Yolanda Dumpster?
Yolanda Dumpster.
People still like at our shows last year, people were showing up still talking about Mystique the Greek and Starla. Like, they, they were very popular and that was years ago at this point.
Oh my god dude, that was a long time ago.
That was almost three years ago?
Good god.
You know, they were, they were a big part. Maybe we bring them back sometime this year.
Good.
I mean, they beat the shit out of our face, I'll tell you that.
They did.
That was, I, I couldn't get eyeliner off my eyes for days.
Yeah, my fucking eyelashes were, not my, uh, my eyebrows were glued to my head.
You were a bearded queen.
I was.
I was a fully shaved.
What were you gonna say?
Not fully, like facial shaved.
Yeah, oh, he shaved, he shaved his pubes just in case.
But they, uh...
A bearded queen, that is a term.
That, that is a term. That, I, I, I don't know. And then, and then we learned that drag kings is a term.
Remember?
I did see a clip of it recently and I was like, damn dude, like, that's like professional looking makeup.
We, well, we had a professional makeup artist come, like a drag makeup artist come in and do it.
That took longer than the Halloween shit.
Yeah, because the Halloween, they painted our face and just put prosthetics on top of it.
Yeah, but this one's like from the, like, everything, bro.
Yo, it was intense. And also like, very tight, yeah, it's tight!
Everything was tight, you're like this.
It pulls you.
And your hair was, remember we had to take the wigs off because they were so tight?
Yeah. It was intense.
Did they give you boobs?
No tits.
I mean, naturally some of us have some already.
I don't remember if they gave you boobs.
I'll tell you what, we do drag again, we're getting a third.
Oh, yeah.
Definitely getting a third.
Oh, yeah. You'd be good, dude.
I'd be, I'm, I do everything I do well.
See, I don't like that this is becoming a joke. Well, it's not a joke. I don't like, I tried to express myself, I gave, I, I, and I, I'm being heartfelt, I, like, you guys are killing it. You know? If that unlocks this every time, sure.
What?
If every time, if every time I say, "Well," he gives me flowers, I'm down. I just, it feels like you got, like, I'm the butt of some joke now, and I don't like it.
Frank, you're telling the joke.
I'm not telling a joke.
The every time I start talking, you start snickering over there. And you're winking right now, you bastard!
No, I'm winking!
Put your camera on him, Josh!
I'm not winking!
He's winking.
I'm not winking, Josh. He's so pensive.
This is Ant thinking.
Yeah, oh. Hmm. What was your drag name again? Vi- Venomous Viper Vi- Vesper.
Venoma, Venoma, Vesper.
Venoma Vesper.
That's a sexy- Let's run those names back again.
I kinda, I kinda wanna-
I kinda have fun with that.
I kinda wanna do that again.
Go back, I want a new one. I want another one.
Yeah, alright. Joey, go pageant queen, Joe.
Uh...
What's random first and last? I dunno.
You go to that.
It'll probably just give you like random words.
Random, random, random, random, gimme, gimme, gimme! Dolly Swansonique?
Swansonique? Dolly Swansonique? That's kinda sick, dude.
It's kinda dope.
What movie, what movie does that remind me of?
Dolly Swansonique? Oh, Dumb and Dumber.
Yeah. Samsonite! I was way off.
That's not a bad one, Ant, do one for you.
Do another horror one, do another horror one.
Ooh, do a scary one.
I like to be spooky. Silver Slater?
That's good.
No way! That's the best one. How do you get that and I get, like, Miss Shits a lot, or something, like? That's fucking insane.
Which one do you want?
Doris Ball Sacks. Yeah, gimme, gimme stupid.
There we go. Zamboni Thong! I kinda like that. That's kinda not bad.
Zamboni Thong.
But the Zamboni seems like a last name. Yeah. Yo.
Speaking of thong. Thong song. Heard it recently. Still a banger.
Let me guess where you heard it. In your car, and you put it on.
I was at the gym and I put it on.
You're at the gym lifting, you're like, I really need to hear Cisco.
I mean, no, no, no, I, I go through like a, I have different songs that come on every now and then. And I, I was just thinking like, damn, thong song would hit right now. And fucking, let me tell you.
Baby.
That.
Like, yo.
And I like the way.
See, now you, you see it like the end of the song though.
Also, it's crazy how like operatic he gets at the end about thong.
It's thongs.
Which, I wish I loved anything as much as Cisco apparently loved thongs.
In the year of our Lord 1999.
Yeah, that's hell of a time. Do you try to time like reps with parts of songs?
Yes, yes, yes. That's why I listen to like upbeat music.
You know, cause it's like.
Oh, I meant like, I like the climax of the song. You're like.
I don't think I've ever described a song as having a climax.
Well, you know, like the big moment.
The, the, the crescendo.
Yeah, the crescendo.
As we call it in the music biz.
That is the right term for sure.
Uh, I, I definitely like depending on like, if I'm doing squats, I try to do like the most intense song. You know, like, like really like rising like.
Because if it's just like a, like I've been listening to a lot of Billy Joel, as I told you. And one of the songs that comes on in my playlist is Allentown.
So we're living here in Allentown.
That's not on my squats playlist.
Can't have that.
Because you, you need, you need a little pop buzzing bam.
You know?
Like Vienna, can't really, like it's a great song, but.
Great song.
You can't do it during like squats.
I could be deadlifted doing that.
Uh, but then you put on scenes from an Italian restaurant, you know?
Things are okay with me these days. I got a new dog, got a new dog, babe. I got a new wife. Got a new life and the family is fine. Oh.
Yeah, like you see what I'm talking about?
It's a good one.
And like it just, it needs to be a little more.
Get me going.
Get me going. Have you, have you added or taken away things from your gym playlist?
I just let Spotify DJ run that shit.
Yeah?
I skip sometimes and he gets tight. I, I skip and he's like skip, skip, skip. I'm like, alright, relax.
Damn, they're yelling at you?
Literally. He goes skip, skip, skip. Here's your next put. I'm like,
Really?
Fucking play the song, bro.
So it's what? It's an artificial intelligent, artificially intelligent DJ who's making fun of you?
Apparently it's a, it's a real guy. Like it's his voice that like they used AI to like say a bunch of stuff. And then they curate based off of your music taste. So like things I've searched or the songs I've been listening to recently or songs that were popular with me in 2022, something like that. So they'll play songs like that. And then they'll mix in like shit that I haven't listened to before.
Love you, but your, your like running a workout music is probably miserable. It's like, it's like,
My running playlist-
Whiny white men that sing into a bingo hall and like, that's their form of happiness. You know?
My running playlist is like that. My, no, my, my, um, lately at the gym, like I'm, it's pretty strictly 50 Cent and Cameron.
Oh, hell yeah, dog.
That's it.
Hell yeah.
That's all, like, but like when I'm running, I'm trying to keep my heart rate low, so I try to put on slower shit.
I listened to the, the, um, the, what's it called the other day? The, the, uh, I forgot the actual name of the song, but the, uh, There, There Go by Joel Santana the other day at the gym.
I don't sing that one at the gym. Except, also my gym is mostly like 98 year old men, so.
They'd probably be like pumped if I was whistling at them.
But that shit gets you going. Some of that old, like, old two-
Dips that shit?
Early 2000s hip hop is the fucking best.
Welcome back Joe. Welcome back.
Early 2000s. I agree though. Like, just the old camera and 50 songs. Or I'll listen to some Diplomat shit too.
But I used to not do that. Like, there are times, like, back in the day, I would just rip, like, very poppy music.
I could see you listening to Celine Dion at the gym.
Uh, on my running playlist.
Bro, what's the song? Do a nice one with the song. What song is that? Oh, It's All Coming Back to Me. That's on my running playlist and I'm telling you right now?
That does hit it. That does have a bit of a punch to it.
It does.
It's all coming back to me, Joe.
Taken off.
Like, I could see Creed doing a cover of that.
Yeah. I could. I could see it.
That's your begging for it.
Run to Creed and tell me it's not gonna be the best run of your life.
I'm sure that would be too. Like, those are some good running songs. I need songs that feel like I'm watching myself run in a, in a, in a movie. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you see people running and like, an inspiring, motivating part of a movie and you're like, what song's playing there? That's the songs that I listen to.
Do you run, or, not you, but like, do you think people run to like, classical music? Like, fucking Beethoven and like?
God, I hope not.
I mean, that would kind of, some of it would be sick. Dun dun dun dun.
I mean, you're just running to Beethoven's Fifth or Ninth, whatever the fuck.
I don't think he had a Ninth.
I don't even know.
Isn't there like, a thing? I'm not saying that I know this.
This is good.
Isn't there a thing that like, there's like, a superstition that after a certain symphony, the composer dies?
Oh, I'm not familiar.
Is that, you know what I'm talking about?
That's too deep for me.
It's like, no one gets past their Eighth Symphony, cuz they just-
I don't even know what a Symphony is.
No one writes a Symphony. I think it's just like, a song.
I feel like we haven't said the word correctly on the first try. Symphony.
Symphony.
Yeah. Um.
Yeah, I, well you know what I do like to do when I get home? Not all the time, but sometimes I like to throw on like Louis Armstrong or something.
Ooh, hell yeah!
You know what I mean, just to make it feel like, ah, what is this, like an old flappers club?
Spark up a cigarette in my own home.
You know what's a good one to throw on? We have a, we have a vinyl, Ray Charles.
Ray Charles.
Hell yeah!
Ella Fitzgerald, I have one of her.
We got some Aretha Franklin, some Ray Charles that goes on there.
Who's the one, who's Penny's from Heaven?
Why can't I think of her name?
Is that Paul Anka?
Paul Anka?
Uh, while he's, while he's looking that up. It seems that for composers, the curse of the ninth. It's more like the twenty seven club now, you know, some people make it past, but a lot of them on the ninth symphony have passed. A lot of them.
That's weird dude! Yeah, the twenty seven club. That was a freaky one. I'm, oh my god dude, I remember it being like in middle school, like, don't carry around a white lighter! The curse of the twenty seven's gonna get you! Cause it was like, all those like famous musicians that died at twenty seven had like a white lighter on them when they passed away.
Uh, it's, I don't know if it's true.
Billie Holiday was who I was thinking of by the way, that was a cover I guess.
Uh, but like, yeah, it was like, all of them had like a white lighter in their pocket and it's like, ew.
So you didn't carry a white lighter?
I didn't carry lighters.
Me neither, I never smoked.
Because I didn't smoke. But it would be like if someone had one, I'd be like, don't! Get, put it down! And then I'd do the thing where I'd take it and I'd pop it by hitting it on the ground.
Nice.
You remember those?
Sick. Or you make crackhead lighters? Crackheads just getting an absolute stray out of nowhere.
Yeah dude, leave them alone.
Leave the crackheads alone, guys!
They're already cracked up. Well, they need higher flames.
Did, oh, you, so you know what a crackhead lighter is?
I often forget, like, I, you grew up in Massapeh, I forget that that's Queens.
That's fair.
Massapeh, is it Massapeh?
Nope.
You didn't grow up in Mashpee?
It's close.
Middle Village.
Well, there we go. Why don't you tell the address as well?
I mean, we know.
I said you grew up there. I'm not saying where you live now.
I said, yeah.
Now you live three blocks down the way.
Yeah, Middle Village.
Fifth Street, Green Door.
Yep.
I mean, people unlocked, like, do they still make?
Look for the house with the flooded basement.
Look for the house with the twisted T-bottles in the window. And people screaming at Mario Kart.
That, yeah.
If you're very quiet, you'll be able to hear them somehow.
Oh, you're just gonna hear, "Ugh!"
Yeah. Listen for the gagging.
I did that just for the story. I didn't do that to try to gag bait you.
I did see you, by the way, um, your Malort calendar for the 25th day, you didn't gag, right?
I did not.
Two days. Two days you didn't gag.
Wait, what was the other one?
Fourteen?
It's day fourteen or fifteen.
You didn't gag?
Don't remember that day either.
Yeah, you said like you'd blacked out that day.
Did you?
It was, I came home from the bar, I forgot to do it.
I don't think I've ever seen you drunk.
I don't get drunk.
Oh, clearly you do.
I get, I get, no, like, I'm saying, I get drunk, I hit a point, and I don't go past that. I kinda just fall asleep. Like, my body shuts down.
That's how I am.
I mean, that's how I was. I don't really, I couldn't even tell you the last time I was, like, drunk.
If I'm on Red Bull Vodka though, you'll see me. I'll start being, you'll see me.
You'll see me.
Red Bull Vodka?
You'll know me. Cause it, cause it keeps up the sleep person awake.
Interesting.
Does that make sense?
If you could make the, if you, I know your answer is going to be, but like, if you could have one drink all night.
Um.
This is gonna be like, Jameson ginger, Jameson seltzer, the slice of orange.
One drink all night? It's pretty close. I mean, I can't say like wine, right?
You could say whatever you want.
Oh, I thought you were talking about cocktails.
It's America, baby.
Oh, I would say wine then.
Well, would you like a cocktail?
I wouldn't, yours is probably Miller Lite?
I mean, I like light beer. I'm definitely getting to a point in my life, I mean, I'll tell you right now. I'll fucking, you can cream me up all night. I'll take a Guinness all night, dude.
That's a good answer, too.
Actually, I lied. I had three Corona Lights the other day, and then I was bombed. I'm like, I was like, what happened? What's going on?
Do you remember the introduction of Bud Platinums?
I do. Wait, is Corona Light like that? Or is it lighter?
No, I think I just, I don't, I'm not used to beer, and I had, and I had three in a row, and I was just, I felt, I was like, whoa.
Yo, probably the worst time in my life I've ever blacked out. I had a bottle of cheap champagne and a six pack of Bud Platinums. I was on another planet, dude. I couldn't fucking believe how drunk I was.
What percent is Bud Platinum?
I think it's like, not like, super high, but like, compared to like Bud Light.
It's high. I think it's like ten? Ten percent?
Whoa, that's high.
Maybe eight, maybe eight, maybe eight, maybe eight.
Eight's even high, too. Can you look up Bud Light Platinum?
Six.
Six? But that's still, it's like, that's higher than a normal beer.
Which, but, but coupled with, like, bottom shelf, it was Andre Champagne. No disrespect to Andre, but...
Do you, dude, there's a place over here, and me and Nicole went to brunch there, and we were like, oh yeah, we'll like do a mimosa. And she's like, do you want to just get a carafe? She's, and so I'm thinking like, oh, because usually when people are doing that, it's like, oh, you can get more money's worth if you just get like, another two. Instead of ordering four separately, if you're gonna have more than one. So, that was what I was thinking, it's like, oh, alright, yeah, sure. And she comes over with a carafe, opens a bottle and pours the whole thing in, and I'm like, whoa.
I was like, we don't want to drink a bottle of champagne? I feel like, I, I don't think a bottle of champagne is that... Much.
It's not that crazy. It just wasn't in the cards at the moment.
Just down a half bottle of champagne?
We're having like a nice little brunch and it was like, comes over with a bottle of champagne. I was like, I thought it was gonna be like, one extra glass each or something?
I am a problem at a, at a, at a bottomless brunch.
I am a fucking problem.
Especially when it's, when it's timed, I mean, you're, you're creating competition.
Yeah, when it's like, yo, you have, you're, you have a two hour bottomless brunch, I'd be like, don't move. The first time I ever, I don't know if it was the first time, but one of the first times I ever went to one, it was like, myself, Davino, uh, Danny, and I'm sure there was like one or two other people there. Yo, we legitimately, had the, the, the, the server just standing next to the table, and like would refill his cup, I would drink mine, and they, they sit, they stayed there for like eight minutes. Like they just didn't leave the table. Davino, I, I, he like threw up in the bathroom. I think I broke a glass on the floor accidentally.
Uh huh.
I offered to buy it. That's why, my sister was there, cause I felt bad, cause I broke the glass. I was like, I'll buy the glass. And they were like, we don't give a fuck about the glass.
We don't know what it costs.
I don't work, but I felt so bad. I was just like, I'll buy, I'll just, I'll buy it.
You know, I'm, I'm, good times.
Have you ever had a Irish coffee?
I don't like coffee.
Oh yeah, that's right. Have you? That's not really an aunt thing.
Is Bud Light in a coffee? Does that count?
Bud Light in a coffee?
I've had hot toddies, like maybe once. Like, oh, hot toddy.
Have you had an Irish coffee?
No, I was just thinking about it the other day, cause like it came up like, or I was at a bar. Um, there's a bar near me that has like great dinner, so we went for dinner, but the person who was sitting next to me ordered a hot toddy, and I was like, I don't know if I like hot drinks.
Uh, I like, the one or two times I've had them, I liked them. But you're right, I feel like it, it feels wrong.
Yeah, what are we doing here?
Like, it definitely feels wrong.
Also like mulled wine, ugh.
I think I did coffee Jameson and Bailey's once. It was pretty good.
So, so then you basically have had-
Yeah, so it was, it was pretty good. I'm just trying to, he jogged my memory a little bit.
That's pretty good, that's pretty tasty.
Yeah, I mean, if I was a coffee drinker, I could see that being a pretty appealing thing.
I do like watching videos of people making Irish coffees. You ever see the guys making like forty of them in a row?
No, I wanted somehow at the end of my, before the end of my life, do the thing where they hold up like twelve shakers and they like-
Pour it out like that?
Pour all the fucking drinks and they're like rainbow colored.
Oh, they're all different colors?
Yeah, that shit is so sick dude.
That is cool. Do you remember when you did Skittle shots? Were those colored?
Yes, they were. I, so-
At a bar?
Oh, I didn't do them at a bar, I made them at home. I bought-
Oh, I thought you made me do one at Dipmar Station once.
We probably did. I did a lot of drinking of alcohol at Dipmar Station. The greatest bar that has died. That bar was great. That bar was fucking great.
We were twenty-one, so every bar was great.
I mean.
Twenty-one. Do you remember? Six, seven. Oh, I thought this is what you were doing. Oh, you're saying, no, but that's where we used to go when we-
Uh, no, but I made the Skittle shots.
I remember that.
I thought of them as like, oh, it's like a mixed drink. And I had like a cup of it and I was like, oh, this is just a cup of straight vodka. It was disgusting. But it was like, it tasted like Skittles, I'll say that. I've, you guys made Skittles.
No, but I do rainbow shots. I could, I could do the pouring and-
You can do that?
It's different colors, I did it twice.
How the hell do that?
We could do it.
It's just different like-
Yeah, you just layer it.
It's alcohol's, right?
No, not really. Towards the top, it's just mixers. Like, the first one's grenadine and orange juice essentially.
In, in college, it was a big thing that people would do the gummy bears. Or gummy worms. Where they would just soak gummy bears or gummy worms in vodka and then you just eat the gummy bears and-
Are you Jell-O shot guys?
I like a Jell-O shot, but it's a little too much work for me to get drunk.
I've had, I've had a Jell-O shot in my day.
That could mean a thousand.
That's, this is what I mean. This is the answers we get from him. Like, um, I've consumed one before.
Do you like them?
There's been hundreds. Um, yeah, I like them.
It's just like-
It doesn't feel like you're taking shots.
I need, it's a little overtly sexual just to get drunk. Like, I don't wanna have to perform- I don't wanna have to perform a sexual act to have a drink.
That's the worst part about Jell-O shots is that you get them and it's like, "I'm sucking the fuck out of this thing." Yeah, I'm- It's fucking crazy. Yeah, that was crazy.
The trick is to make them upside down.
Make them up. Trick is to make, to, when you make them, upside down.
Here's a better trick. I've never made them, and I'm not gonna.
I think I've made them once before. It was like, I remember as a kid, we always hosted New Year's parties. I remember my mom and, uh, like, my family used to make trays of these bastards.
I do remember that, too.
And honestly?
Might make some. You should.
The fact that we're still going.
We're done. Um, you did it well, Frank.
The audio only loo- I was gonna say losers.
What'd you say?
I was gonna say the audio only listeners.
The audio only listeners.
They're probably like, "Did this cut, what, what, what happened here?"
I think they can hear you, like, doing something.
Uh, well, you know what?
Have a Jell-O shot this New Year's.
Have a Jell-O shot for the New Year. I mean, this is coming out well after the New Year.
You know, but like, I'm talking to you guys.
Oh!
Have a Jell-O shot.
Should we make some?
Oh, I'm not gonna see you before New Year's.
No. We could do a Jell-O shot power hour.
No, we cannot.
Guys, that would, I wouldn't be able to fucking walk from this.
Bro, I don't know that I could eat sixty Jell-O's in, in an hour. That's insane.
That is a lot of Jell-O, dude.
It's a lot of Jell-O.
Imagine throwing up Jell-O.
Do you remember Power Hour?
Do I?
I know, but like, that's such a fucking, like, yo, it would be like, oh, there would be like YouTube playlists of like, uh, early 2000's hip-hop Power Hour and every different song. It was the shit. Bro, we used to sit there with shot glasses of beer, like psychopaths.
I remember. Damn, did we do one on Patreon?
I think you.
We did years ago.
I think you did one.
I think we did one years ago. I don't think we've done one recently.
How did we time it? Oh, we just had a timer go?
Probably, yeah.
I still think you should, should do one with pizza rolls.
Oof.
I could easily do that.
You think so?
I think between the two of us, we could do a pigs in a blanket one.
No, that's a lot.
Sixty pigs in a blanket between the two of us, thirty each.
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. What? Without trying.
I think we can.
Power half hour?
Power half hour.
I mean, why?
Because you're both
taking one.
No, he does one, I do one.
Oh, every two minutes you take one?
Yeah. Come on.
Alright, we can do it.
Easily.
Let's see, we got an oven here?
I could, by myself, I don't think so.
What if there was three thousand dollars on the line?
Oh, dude.
Oh, well, hold on a sec. I didn't know money was involved.
I can very easily do it.
If money was, um, if I knew money was involved.
It's too late, because he offered me first and you saw that.
Is it a challenge? I'll do it.
No, I said, what if?
What ifs turn into maybes, and then maybes turn into yeses.
It's crazy. And then maybes turn into yeses? Um,
No. This kid loves a challenge. Are you kidding me?
I know, it's insane.
He'll do it for fucking nothing.
Such a whore for money.
He'll do it for nothing.
We gotta find something good, and he'll do it.
Uh,
I just don't want him to yak.
I mean, I, I pray, we have never had someone throw up on this show.
We haven't.
We've gotten close.
Let's just say.
I thought you were gonna throw up once.
Uh, there were a couple times.
Well, maybe when you shoved your hand down your throat.
That's what I was gonna say.
I was like, what? Yeah, that one'll do it.
Uh, there, there are some, there are some times. We could do like,
you know what would be miserable? If it was like, our least favorite foods and there was like, ten versions of them for our Power Hour.
So like, if yours was just like, pickles and, what else does he hate?
Are those just ten versions of pickles? Wouldn't that be?
I mean, do you really hate pickles that much?
Yeah, it's not good.
Pickles Malort?
Jeez.
Forget it.
Pickles soaked in Malort.
Ooh.
That's a disgusting thought.
I think that would probably taste pretty good.
Pickleback, but instead of whiskey, it's Malort.
Oh, man. That's a bad prank.
You're double gag.
That's a bad prank.
Double gag.
There we go.
That's for those audio losers.
Yeah. Or audio-only losers.
Um, but yeah, well, this is our last episode before we're going into the new year, but it is New Year's now. I mean, we're in the mid-December.
You're, you're, you're.
Mid-January at the moment.
Where are you at this point? You fucking show the people your sausage at this point in time.
I'm not gonna do that, but.
Like the showing the people how the sausage is made. That's the reference.
I don't think you would show people your, your cock.
Thank you for laying all that out.
I want to make sure I say that very clearly because everything else I'm saying this episode is being taken out of context. I'm coming the butt of a joke because I'm trying to better myself.
And how are you gonna better yourself again?
I'm not doing this.
Uh, and.
Never mind. Frank, we're gonna find you.
The Frank cover is all over Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard, TBY Tour merch. Uh, thank you. We love you. I hope that the holidays treated everyone safe. If you celebrated any of those holidays.
And you can find.
Just kidding.
New Year's Day me.
You guys can follow me at The Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard and that is all. See you guys next time.
Wait, at The Joe Santagato? It's changed?
Did I say that?
Don't follow that account. We don't know who it is.
Coca-Cola. For the big. For the small. The short. And the tall. Peacemakers. Risk-takers. For the optimists. Pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts. And extroverts. The thinkers. And the doers. For old friends. And new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated