#527 - We Were In A Bank Robbery!

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• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:29Speaker 01

  Welcome back to the basement.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Welcome back to the basement yard. You're wearing that Halloween merch, baby.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  I'm right. I know. I think this is coming out on Patreon's before Halloween. If it's, you know, it's after, so sorry.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  No, I mean, it's been out.

• 0:47Speaker 02

  Don't.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  It's been out.

• 0:49Speaker 02

  Don't yell at me.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Shop that's no one's yelling at you.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  Don't yell.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  No one's yelling.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  Don't yell at me.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  No one's yelling at you.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  It is out. I like this a lot. I also like, like, it's a very soft, good shirt.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  You like it?

• 0:59Speaker 02

  I love good shirts.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  You know, because if they're too hard shirts, don't like hard shirts.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Like instruction paper. You know what I like when shirts have like collars that are real thick? And I got a thick neck.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Like, I wouldn't say you have a thick neck.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  No, I got a thick neck. I got a big neck.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  Definitely don't have a pencil neck.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  I mean, I definitely don't have a pencil neck.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  I think this is a good one. Like, if it's too tight, if it's too tight around it, like, if it's too thick, too tight, and then it makes it feel like it's, like, choking me.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  I don't like the.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  That's why I'm not a, like, I have a turtleneck, but I'm not a big turtleneck guy.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  I like to wear it, but I don't think it, I can't, it doesn't.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  You don't pull it off. No offense.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  Well, I'm offended by, like, I could say it.

• 1:38Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, like, you don't look bad, but like, you're not, you don't, you don't have turtleneck face. Like, turtleneck face is not your face. You have, you have a, like, V-neck face.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  I, that is so offensive. It's insane.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  It's more offensive?

• 1:54Speaker 01

  V-neck face?

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Is V-neck face bad?

• 1:57Speaker 01

  What am I, Simon Cowell?

• 1:58Speaker 02

  No, he has, I probably shouldn't say anything because he got into an accident about like a year and change ago.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  He just wears a lot of V-necks.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  He does. Deep Vs, too.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Deep Vs. What's the deepest V you've ever owned?

• 2:11Speaker 01

  I don't know. I actually saw a picture the other day.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  Why did I see that? Oh, maybe someone posted it. It was like, oh, I met Joe years ago. And I was wearing a v-neck, like in public.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Why would you do that?

• 2:23Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  I used to wear v-neck. I like v-neck tees. I don't hate them. I, my dad once got me a v-neck tee, like a set of v-neck tees from Columbia. The deepest, widest V you could have ever fucking imagined on a shirt.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Colombian, yeah.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  And he was like, here, this is the size XL. And it was like a medium on me. I don't know what, what they got going on. They got small people over there in Columbia.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Uh, do they?

• 2:47Speaker 02

  I guess. But the V started here.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  No, shoulder V?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Dude, it was a wide V.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  And it fucking came down to like right here.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  Showed your tits off.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Basically, I had boobs.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  And it was, it was pretty deep. Becca hated the shirt.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  You ever put a bra on?

• 3:06Speaker 02

  I don't, maybe. I don't know. And I don't think so.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  You've never put a bra on? Have you put a bra on?

• 3:11Speaker 03

  I have.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  You said it like it was like recent.

• 3:13Speaker 03

  No, no, no, not recent.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  How did it fit?

• 3:16Speaker 03

  Uh, wasn't, wasn't great. They were a little more busty than I was.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  Busty?

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Said that, he's using porn.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was a little bit of, more of a petite busty teen than me.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, sorry, I put that bra on. It was for a big, big petite.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Big petite coed.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I, I don't thi- I'm sure I have.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  I put a bra on. It was lace.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  To be fun?

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I didn't put it on because I was like trying to keep my tits in order.

• 3:51Speaker 02

  Well, no, duh. Yeah, I mean, but like.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  I was like, oh, girl, prank.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Look, ha, ha, ha, I got boobies.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, for a second. And then I was like, oh, that's kinda, kinda, kinda cool.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Really? I don't remember liking it. I don't remember wearing it, so I guess I did.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  High heels? You ever wear high heels?

• 4:06Speaker 02

  I have worn high heels, yeah.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, you did the drag show.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  I did a drag show in college and...

• 4:11Speaker 01

  I wore high heels. It's tough walking in those things.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Holy shit, man. Gotta say, it's tough. I don't know. That's, that's an insane thing to just like do willingly.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  It's a wild choice, I would say.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  To walk like this.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Why?

• 4:24Speaker 02

  To walk on your tippy toes.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  It, it's just, and, and it's like, it's, it's, it's such a skinny shoe.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  I would feel so off balance the entire time.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  I like it.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  I didn't dance in that.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  I like, shoes are a sense of comfort for me. Like, I feel safe in shoes. You know what I'm saying? Like, my foot is in a whole shoe. When I'm in like sandals, or if I was in heels, I'd feel like I'm, like, like the Pope riding around in like a top down. You know what I'm saying? Something, something bad's gonna happen.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Some JFK shit.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  I mean, I just don't, I just don't get... I mean, it does do something to a leg. To a woman's leg?

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm good with it over there. I don't need it on my, my dogs.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I need to make my legs...

• 5:12Speaker 02

  I don't need my leg, my legs are fine. I don't need my legs sexy.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  Who wants to see my sexy legs?

• 5:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, no one sees those legs. You don't really pull them out too often.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  I don't pull them out often.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  It's like Halley's Comet over there.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  It is like Halley's Comet, um, mainly because my legs are mostly scars. I know you've, you've scoffed at me for that before, and people love bringing that up. It is true.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  I, I confirmed that it isn't, and that's fine. I didn't see a single scar on your legs. Let's go, let's go there.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Well, because they're covered by hair. If, if I were to put my leg right there in your fucking face right now, and you were to parse through my hairs, you would see quite a bit of scarring.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  I wouldn't.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Yes, you would.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  My dad won Mr. Sexy Legs on a cruise once.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Your dad won Mr. Sexy Legs?

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Frank's got his leg out.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Also, parse through. I can see your whole leg. No, brother, look. Point one out. That's one. That's from your surgery.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  There's, there's a... There isn't anything. There is, look, there's, there's one. Frank, that's not even a scar. Here's another. Just like, parse through. You're scratching your legs. Stop scratching them. Parse through, there's there. You're also shiny like a sardine. What's with that? Why do you call me a sardine? Cause you're kinda shiny like a sardine. Oh, cause my legs are probably dry. Hmm. But like, there's another one right there. Frank, that is an ingrown hair. And you just scratch it out. And why did it, what, was that a pebble that just came out of you?

• 6:41Speaker 01

  I'm uncomfortable.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  Well.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Well, you see what I mean?

• 6:50Speaker 01

  No. Your leg is one scar.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  No, I have several scar. It's hard to see, as someone that has had their legs shaved and waxed, I can confirm, there is quite a bit of scarring on there. And you should be, like, supportive of me.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Did I ever show you my big hair? I got one big hair, and I love it, cuz I play with it. But it always grows back, but I always try to rip it out. Look at my one big hair.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  And I could see it from here.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Bro, it's-

• 7:18Speaker 02

  It's like when you could see the wall of China from space. I could see your one big hair on your white ass arm. That's a big hair.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  It's this tall, like, I'm touching the top of it. I know you guys can't see it.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  You can't see it.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  But I got a big ass hair, and it's thick, and she's strong, too.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  Really?

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Pull that bitch out.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Well, I like to keep it. I don't know if I have anything that cool. I like to keep it.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  You have hairless arms! Look at your arms!

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Don't talk about my arms, dude.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Look at the top of your arms, it's so hairless! Like a butt!

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Butt arms.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  First of all, your whole body's like a butt.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz you have zero hair, dude.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  It is, it is.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Let's see your butt, is your butt like-

• 7:56Speaker 01

  Do you have butt hair? No.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  Mine either.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Pull your butt out. I can't.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't. Mine either. I mean, most of my hair is, like, in the hidden regions.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:05Speaker 02

  But like-

• 8:06Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess I never realized how hairless my arms are.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  That's interesting.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  I mean, there's little hairs, you could see them. If you get up close, you could see the little ones.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  But you don't have big, strong, girthy ones like me.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  You have un-strong, girthy one.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it counts for a lot.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Every now and then, I get one long hair in my mustache, it just goes the opposite way.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Me too!

• 8:26Speaker 02

  And it goes in my nose, and I'm like, "Get the fuck out of there, I don't like it."

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Yo, I hate that. I wake up in the morning, I look like a fucking dog, and my shit is like-

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have that every now and then, too. I also don't have much ch- I can, like, count the hairs on my chest.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  The chairs.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  The chairs on my hest.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  I have, like- The chairs on my hest. Yeah, I have, like, just a little, like, brown shit.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  They're, like, scattered.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  They're, like, scattered like Pikmin.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  When you fir- When you first started getting facial hair, did you keep just a chin?

• 8:52Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  I recently saw a picture of me that you took with a camera you got in your basement, and I looked like a fucking piece of shit.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Is it when you were like this?

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's just, yes, yeah, and I'm wearing a backwards hat.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  And it's just like, I would only let this grow out.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  I remember, because that was the only thing that like grew consistently.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  I did the same thing and I look like an idiot.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  I, yes, I looked so stupid, but.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  The soul patch, man.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  You know, it's what we had, it's what we had going for us.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  I think at one point I had what resembled a goatee, which is terrifying.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  I mean, I've done just this.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  You've done a goat, you've goated?

• 9:29Speaker 02

  There's, there's episodes of me having done it. I look like, you know, like a really less talented Lin-Manuel Miranda. You know?

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, what?

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, what? Yes, you don't have an Emmy.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Okay. That is fair. I do not, yet?

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Yet, maybe, you could have one one day.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  We could have one one day.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  You could also.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  But maybe also we.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  But hopefully me. But also, I mean.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  The Emmys, they announced that they were gonna do like best podcast, which is.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  That's why I was thinking.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Well.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Well, we ain't getting that, we ain't getting that.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Can you imagine that?

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Can you imagine, it's like best podcast and it's like, you know, uh, uh, uh, Brittany Broski for the, the court, but what's the?

• 10:17Speaker 01

  What?

• 10:17Speaker 02

  What's her show?

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Oh, uh, The Broski Report?

• 10:20Speaker 02

  The Broski Report, but there's also the one where she does like the Knights of the Round Table thing.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, where she's like a queen and a king.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  It's really good.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Damn, I wanna wear a fucking crown.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then there's like Amy Poehler.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  Good hang.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  And then us.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Right, yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Won't happen.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Or like a bunch of like NP, MP, MPR?

• 10:39Speaker 02

  NPH. He, he might have one. He might have one.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  I'm bad with acronyms.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  He might have one, yeah, MPR, where it's just like, alright, today we're talking about like the atrocities in.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:49Speaker 02

  Somewhere, and it's just like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  How do you compete with that?

• 10:52Speaker 01

  I, I don't know.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  It ain't, it ain't this show.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  It is not this show.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  It ain't this show, baby.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  You know, uh, but, uh. By the way, I wanted to tell you recently, uh, I got so humbled, usually, so.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Sometimes randomly on Twitter, my picture will, will start going viral. A picture of me. And then like, it's usually gay Twitter that's like, you know, and they say a lot of nice things, but a lot of the stuff is very graphic.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Gitter.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  And I'm like, gitter, yeah, gay Twitter. Uh, and I, and I see that and like, it was funny. And then I saw one recently and it made my day. I said it right to my brother. But I-

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Why, why?

• 11:35Speaker 01

  I'll, I'll tell you, but he, he-

• 11:37Speaker 02

  What's the nicest thing they've said to you?

• 11:39Speaker 01

  The nicest thing? I mean, it's, uh, most of it is nice. I mean, it's just, it's just written in a way that-

• 11:44Speaker 02

  That is hypersexual.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  That's just like, yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  It's super intense, yeah.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Something about drowning in a gallon of, you know.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Stuff.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  So-

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, come on.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Come on. I thought you were, I thought you were-

• 11:56Speaker 02

  Oh, I, I guess-

• 11:57Speaker 01

  That's what-

• 11:57Speaker 02

  I fell into it, just like you fell into the vat of-

• 12:00Speaker 01

  There it is. Okay. But there was a, a picture of me and I'm wearing a, first of all, the shirt I'm wearing. This is from years ago. Um, but I was wearing a shirt that looks like a Jaws shirt, but it says paws and it's a dog's paw instead of a, a, a shark.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  You know, and this is what's hysterical. This is what drives me nuts because you would make fun of the fucking graphic tees that I had.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Had the-

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Had the-

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Had the-

• 12:27Speaker 02

  Had the-

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Duh.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Duh.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Huh, huh.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Duh.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Vuh, vuh, vuh.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  No, I don't, I don't, I, I, alright. I have them, but I don't wear them anymore.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  They're in storage.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  They're in storage for my kids if they wanted to have really cool shirts in 10 years.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Here, wear daddy's shirt.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Wear daddy's daredevil graphic tee.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  But this is what drives me nuts because the world forgets that you were a big time graphic tee haver. Now I'm so glad that you're saying this and you had ironic ones that were just like, you know, like, ha, ha, ha, paws.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  No, first of all, dude, this was like 2018.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  That was like more when you-

• 13:04Speaker 02

  When's the last time I was wearing a graphic tee?

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Hmm, hmm. When was the last time?

• 13:09Speaker 02

  I mean, if you're gonna talk shit about your own tee-

• 13:11Speaker 01

  I'm not talking shit, it is a graphic tee.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  By definition, it has graphics on it, but I'm saying like, one of those, like kinda like tongue-in-cheek, haha, this is funny, meant to be quirky.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Well, that's not just, that's not only a graphic tee. We're off the point! So anyway, I, I, it's a video, it's a picture of me during a podcast, and I like have my shirt lifted up a little bit, and you can see my belly button, and then the picture is posted, and there's a bunch of like, interactions, whatever with it.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  Wait, are you gonna show us the picture?

• 13:41Speaker 01

  I mean, do you wanna see the picture?

• 13:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I need to make fun of it.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  Should I send it to Josh to toss it up, so everyone can see the picture?

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  Alright, send it to me, I wanna see it.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  Okay. So we'll put it in there, but it's this picture, and then the guy, whoever posted it, wrote, "What do you call this genre of men?", right?

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Okay, can I see-

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Now-

• 14:02Speaker 01

  So I'm like, oh, this is another one of those things, right? So I was like, I wanna see what people are saying.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  So it's just a-

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Cause there's been one other time before, where it was all negative.

• 14:10Speaker 02

  Oh, like-

• 14:11Speaker 01

  And it was like, this guy's fucking mid, or like, so I was like, wait-

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Really?

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 02

  That's so mean!

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Well, no, it's, but it's funny.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  It's funny, but also mean.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  It's Twitter, it's not actual, real, so it's just funny to me.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  Correct, remember that world.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Um, but it said, "What do you call this genre of men?", the first reply under the photo just says, "Fet."

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Oh-

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Okay!

• 14:41Speaker 01

  I was like, oh my god, and then everything else under there was positive, which was boring, but like, I, I, when I clicked on this dude, and I saw "Fet", I was like, this is the fucking funniest thing I've ever seen.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  You know that people are gonna come out the woodwork now, and are just gonna try to comment the most fucking mean thing-

• 14:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I hope that's not the case.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Why are you giving this attention? Hey, guys-

• 15:00Speaker 01

  It was just funny, though.

• 15:01Speaker 02

  He's a real person, that has real feelings, real heart.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  It is true.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  Okay, and although he might outwardly laugh at something, inwardly, it might hurt him, so-

• 15:10Speaker 01

  That is outwardly and inwardly funny to me. Um, it was just funny also, cause of what I was expecting, cause it has happened before.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  You thought it was gonna be like, top, or like, girly pop, or like, you know, something like that.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was just, "Fet."

• 15:25Speaker 02

  What would we call that class of men?

• 15:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Like you.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Well, there's people who say I'm a himbo.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  What's a himbo?

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Like a bimbo, but a him.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Again, was that a dumb him? Cause bimbo was used for like, it was like a dumb.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Like a ditzy.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  A ditzy, you know, like, uh, you know, remember like chicken to the sea, what is that? You know, like shit like that.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a weird example, but yeah, I mean.

• 15:48Speaker 02

  I mean, that was, that was what people like would refer to as bimbos.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  I don't agree. I think it's a little mean.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  I think it's just like a, yeah, like a ditzy dude.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  So you're a himbo?

• 15:57Speaker 01

  I'm a himbo.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  That's hysterical. What about like, there are other ones where I, you've been called like twink.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  That was years ago. I think I'm well beyond that now.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Well, well past twink.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Have you graduated to whatever is like, what, who evolves into it? What does twink evolve into?

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Twunk?

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Twunk? Twunk? That's right. That's right. I, I remember twunk.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Someone one time called me an otter. I was like, this is crazy now.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  Tw- so twink, twunk, and then what's a, or is it like a two-stage evolution? Like fucking execute and executor?

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. Twunk?

• 16:27Speaker 01

  I thought it was executor.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  Executor?

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Whoever it is. You know what I'm talking about though.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  I know.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  You know exactly. So like tw- so wow. I mean, you might be in a, a class by yourself.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  I'm not.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  You don't think so?

• 16:40Speaker 01

  I fit into, there's a hundred gay categories.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  Joey, I think you are incredibly unique and you don't need to fall into any other classification outside of just being you.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Performative males. Am I right ladies?

• 16:54Speaker 02

  What's that? What the hell's that?

• 16:55Speaker 01

  The performative male?

• 16:57Speaker 02

  What is that?

• 16:57Speaker 01

  It's just someone who like, is just very like a performative.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  I mean, we're on a show.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, not in like performance, more of like a, a disingenuous, disingenuous performance.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm joking.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. Same?

• 17:16Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, so I got, I got my ass handed to me.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  Oh my god, so if you're fat, what the fuck am I?

• 17:26Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  I just, I just squeaked like the toy from Toy Story.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Oh, Wheezy? Oh.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  He almost, he, but he's good.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  You know, I wanted to tell you this and I totally forgot, but I got rid of a throw blanket the other day that I've had for a while.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  And it hurt you?

• 17:44Speaker 01

  It didn't hurt me, but there was a hesitation.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Which throw blanket? Not that I know your throw blankets.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're not named. Uh, it was just like a white one that was on my couch.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  White throw blanket, brother?

• 17:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  You're playing with fire, dude.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  I also like, I have a dog, so like, it was fucked up, like it should go.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  You're playing with fire.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  What, what do you mean?

• 18:05Speaker 02

  White, like blankets and stuff like that, like?

• 18:07Speaker 01

  My bedroom blanket is white.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Dangerful.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  What, what is your bedroom blanket?

• 18:14Speaker 02

  It changes. We have a, we have a, we have a, like-

• 18:16Speaker 01

  Seasonal.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's one of the things-

• 18:19Speaker 01

  What is it now, brown?

• 18:20Speaker 02

  I get very excited. Yeah, it's like a, it's like a creamy brown.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  You know, but like, it's one of the things, like, it's like a thing that Becca does where she'll like, switch it up. She'll be like, come look at the bedroom, and I'll run upstairs. And I'll be like, whoa, and it's like done for like fall and Halloween and Christmas and then spring. I'm a simple man, dude.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  He liked beds.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  I love beds and I love like holiday seasonal shit.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  I love it, dude.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Do you have, which color is your bed? Navy. Navy.

• 18:49Speaker 02

  Navy, like you're still in college.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's in college.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Still in college, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  He's a guy, you got a poster? No, no poster.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  When's the last time you washed your towel?

• 18:57Speaker 01

  Towel? Oh god.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  See what I'm saying?

• 18:59Speaker 01

  How often do you wash your towel?

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Uh, after every like two, three days, throw them in the wash. We have a good, we have a good rotation towel.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  A system.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  Very good rotation.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  And I got you a fucking towel warmer. Do you use it?

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Haven't used it yet, but it's, when the new bathroom's done, it's going in that bitch.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  You best believe it.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  You ever use a towel warmer? Didn't know that existed. Towel warmers?

• 19:18Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  What's, like a-

• 19:19Speaker 02

  It's pretty-

• 19:19Speaker 01

  It's luxurious.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  Machine? It's, it's like a little, it looks like a little hamper and you throw a towel in it and then when you get out, so it's all warm, so you get out and it's like, woo. And you could throw, like, you could throw like a robe in there.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Do you have any art in your bedroom? My bedroom, no. What's on the walls? Nothing, a TV?

• 19:39Speaker 02

  You live in a dorm room.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  This place is a prison. It's a prison. It's a goddamn prison.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  You live in a dorm room of a prison. That's where you live.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  I will say, when I, when I was, I mean, I guess I was like twenty fi- uh, five or twenty-six, my bedroom looked exactly like how you're describing it.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. A hundred percent. I remember-

• 20:01Speaker 01

  It was always a navy blanket.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  The last, like, solo bedroom I had, the decorating was, at best, awful.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  Fake plants.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I hate-

• 20:10Speaker 01

  Navy blanket.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  You know how I feel about this shit.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Yep. Navy blanket. Maybe something on the wall that was like sports-related, which is like, what are we doing in here?

• 20:20Speaker 02

  I mean, mine was way worse. I mean, in college, I had posters, which-

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, which is normal, though. You're in college.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, normal, but like, still, also, I also had, you're gonna hate this one.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  I bet I am. Like, a Corona poster?

• 20:32Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no. I, uh, hung up, uh, my high school football jersey-

• 20:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  And, uh, the, the MFA football jersey.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Well, I do know that you did that because it was also when you were-

• 20:43Speaker 00

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• 21:11Speaker 01

  At college and you were home, you would hang them up in your bedroom.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  You're damn right I would.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  There was jerseys everywhere. And honestly, I can, Frankie, I can recall that when you moved back to your, your parents' house when you were in Connecticut and you came back to New York, you hung them back up then. Listen-

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  I'm not sitting here-

• 21:28Speaker 02

  And you were too old. You were, one, too old for that. I am not, by any stretch of the definition, saying that I was a good decorator in my fucking, like, young adult fucking bedrooms. They were bad. I also had, like-

• 21:45Speaker 02

  They're not here, but like, remember that Batman sign that I brought in? Like, that was on the wall?

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  I, I, I like what I like, and I displayed it proudly on my walls, Joey. You know? What's wrong with that?

• 21:55Speaker 01

  No, I know. Isn't it funny that dudes just like, it's all the same? Like, it's like,

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  We don't know how to decorate.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  And it's always a navy blanket.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  We do not, we do not.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  I still have the glowy stars on the ceiling.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  That's cool as hell.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Very bad.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, bad, man.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  You have glowy stars?

• 22:12Speaker 03

  Oh, from like your childhood? Yeah, I just, like, I bounced around rooms a lot, and I just never replaced it, because I would have to peel it off and the paint, I'm like,

• 22:19Speaker 02

  It would always take the paint off. They still glow? That's so cool, dude, that's so cool. I mean, honestly, I'm a little jealous of that. Uh, Beck, Beck is the decorator. I, I give all decorating, but we did like jokingly say, she's like, I wonder what would happen if I just let you decorate one room in the house? And she's like,

• 22:33Speaker 01

  We know.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  It would be...

• 22:35Speaker 01

  Well, when we stayed, we went to Disney, uh, and we stayed at Airbnb, and like, when you, when you go to, like, near Disney, all those Airbnbs, they have like, a Harry Potter room, and a Mario room, and the house that we stayed at had a, basically a fucking arcade, and it was just like, fucking, a video game here in the wall, and it looks like a big Wii controller, and then like, air hockey table, and everything was painted in neon lights, or whatever. I'm like, this is what Frank's gonna build in his house eventually. It's not gonna be a man cave.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  I think, yeah, well, I, I, I hate the idea of man caves. They're corny as hell.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  They are, I hate them.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  They're corny as hell, where you walk down the stairs, and it's just like, uh, parking for Yankee fans only, and it's like, dude, you suck. You suck so much.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  I, like, I love a good basement, but I'm never gonna be one of those people that it's like, themed around,

• 23:22Speaker 01

  I hate it, dude.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  You know, like, the toilet seat cover is a Yankees toilet seat cover, like,

• 23:26Speaker 01

  Relax, dude.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Mets, Jets, no one with debts. That, I'm sorry, okay.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  That was horrible. Um, you know what I mean, though? Like, I, I hate those. There is a sense of irony in saying that, though, but, where our basement does have several areas where there are... Vintage toys displayed, but it's not like, it's like, you know, like, oh, if you like the Red Sox, get out.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Or it's just like, you know, uh, the, the, uh, rule number one, Yankees rule, new rule number two, go back to rule number one.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's horrible.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  I don't think Frankie would make a man cave, he'd make more like a playpen.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Fuck you. That fucking, that felt mean.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  Frankie would though.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  Like, like a room that has like every console with their own TV.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Yes, I have that up right now.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  Wait, what?

• 24:17Speaker 02

  I have two shelves around my TV and it's all like the consoles I have.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, see, that's what I mean. Yeah, that's what I mean.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  But like, I'm not doing it in like one of those guys where it's just like, not cool about it, like it's

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Right.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  It's cool, it's really cool.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  It is different.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  It's really cool that I do it.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  You know, if someone else does it, I could see it being too much.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  Nerdy, stupid.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  So stupid. But I did it.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Cool guy.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Not bad.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  Our basement is a work in progress right now.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  We're figuring it out.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  But if we just so happen to have like cool video game stuff everywhere, so what?

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  You're gonna have a basement one day.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  And you're gonna wanna make it cool.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my basement. I would like to do something cool.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  See, that's what I'm saying, like you would want it to be like, on the wall, it'll have like a picture of like, you know, David Tyree catching the fucking catch on his head, you know? I know you're gonna want that.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  David Tyree catching a ball.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  It is David, right?

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay. Just wanna make sure I got that right.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  But like, that's what you're gonna have, and then you're gonna have like, in the corner, you're gonna have like a wine rack or something.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Whoa, dude, I, I...

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Oh, what?

• 25:29Speaker 01

  You think I'm, I'm doing all these podcast episodes and all these shows to have a wine rack? I'm trying to get a room that has...

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Oh, so if I have a room of Megazords, I'm a loser. If you have a room of a consumable, you're cool?

• 25:44Speaker 01

  A cons- oh, oh.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  A one.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  Like a, like a cellar, like a little cellar.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  You want a cellar? You know what I really want in my house?

• 25:53Speaker 02

  A cellar.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Well, more than that, I do want a cellar. But what would be really cool is-

• 25:57Speaker 02

  A dungeon.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  I'll get to it. Uh, would be really cool if I had a reason to have one of those very slidey ladders.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Oh, like a, like, I've seen people that have like floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and they have that.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  It reminds me of like how the Grinch goes, he's a-

• 26:15Speaker 02

  A what? Exactly, honey. You just painted that shelf.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  Fucked it up. Uh, but, but you know what I'm saying? Like in-

• 26:22Speaker 02

  I do, I do. I, I, I like that. Like, and I want, I want to recreate when Harry Potter goes into Olivanders for the first time. And he looks down and he's like, oh, you know, I want to do that. That whole, that whole scene, just like that.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  When I was in, you weren't there yet, but I think we were in, uh, Minnesota or some shit. Went to a restaurant and their wine cellar was pretty like skinny, but it was tall. And they had one of those. And the guy went, and not because of, we didn't order a bottle of wine, but like someone ordered a bottle of wine and he got on the ladder and he got all the way up there. And I was like, what a treat it would be if this guy just fell off a ladder.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 27:01Speaker 02

  No, why are you going that route?

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Dude, there's a viral, this is ye- maybe 20 years old. A video on like QVC of a guy on one of these ladders and he falls off.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  Oh, no, he's on the, he's not on that ladder. He's on like, it's, it's like the ladders that like are A-frames and then they open up and they become like extension ladders. And it, it like, it's like this and he falls down, right?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  No, no, no, he falls back if I'm not mistaken.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Why does that, why do you like that?

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Oh, man, people falling is so good.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Did you see-

• 27:32Speaker 01

  I feel terrible.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  Listen-

• 27:33Speaker 01

  They're okay.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  I hope this person is okay, but did you see the video of the guy at the rally? Like running after the kid that like stole his glasses?

• 27:42Speaker 01

  And just fucking face plants?

• 27:44Speaker 02

  Dude, first of all, I hope this person's okay. I don't want to wish- Fucking bodily injury on anyone, but he fell and he fell like face down, ass up. And like skid across the ground and I was like, oh, that's a bad fall, dude. That's a bad fall.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  There is something innately funny about people falling and like, I don't like people getting hurt.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, me neither.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  But like the falling is funny, the falling is funny to me.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  There's a thin line between pain and pleasure.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  And beauty, yeah.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  You know, like it's just like a good fall is hard to beat, you know?

• 28:18Speaker 01

  It's really, it's really is.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  What? It's really is?

• 28:22Speaker 01

  You ever fall real hard in public?

• 28:24Speaker 02

  I, bro, I fell earlier.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  No, but like in public around a bunch of strangers.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  When's the last time you just fell?

• 28:33Speaker 02

  It's like after 2020, you shouldn't fall down anymore. Dude, I fell when we were playing basketball in fucking San Diego. Remember how hard I fell?

• 28:43Speaker 01

  No.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  We were in San Diego playing basketball and I went to like get the ball and I like stumbled and just kept going and fell backward. And like it hurt, like we're getting to that age of like where, when we fall, it hurts.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  People have to be like, yo, you good?

• 28:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, like when people consider it a fall.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  Then it's a problem.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Dude, oh man, and also what's better than watching someone just stumble?

• 29:07Speaker 02

  Stumbling is good.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  Like just can't stop stumbling for like 30 yards.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  That happened to me once at, at our house where I like caught the lip of the driveway and I stumbled and fell into my home. The door was open and I fucking fell into my house and rolled.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, roll?

• 29:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, it was bad.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  Like Willy Wonka in the beginning?

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not like he did it coolly.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, he, yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  I did not do it so coolly.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  It was sad.

• 29:39Speaker 01

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• 32:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, and you know what? Did the word subscribers tingle a little tingle in your bingo? Well, guess what? I got another place where you could be a subscriber. Patreon.com/basementyard, baby. You sign up for that first tier, there's a couple tiers. That first tier, you get these weekly episodes, one week in advance, seven whole days in advance. And then that second tier, oh, I'm gonna hit that fucking real quick, I'm gonna send it over to you, and you're gonna feel the power of the tingle in your bingo, okay? That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. You can start and end your week with us, with the Basement Boys, with Joe, with Frank, with Ant over there. Ant, say what's up. Don't put your hand down now. Okay?

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Go check it out, and if you want to subscribe, go do it on a web browser. Patreon.com/thebasementyard, you type that in with your little sausage fingers, and then you can go and you could do subscribe, you can save yourself some money, okay? Thank you, guys, for getting us to consistently breaking records, over 34,000, close to 35,000, I think. I don't know, I haven't seen the number in a couple days. More, more, more, more, more? Over 35? Over 36? Wow! I haven't seen that in a while. So go check it out.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  What the hell was that?

• 33:26Speaker 02

  The Basement Yard and we thank you and we love you and we appreciate you, okay? You'll save yourself some money if you do it on a web browser. So save yourself some money, go do it on a web browser. And, listen, there's only two shows left, guys. Two, two, two. There's not much left, so if you're coming to any of those shows, go to thebasementyard.com/submit. Let us know which of those two, two, two shows that you're coming to, and, uh, submit a question or response, you know? Part of the shows are interactive, we talk to you about you, with you. People are proposing, people are coming out to their family, people are telling us they got babies, people are telling us that they're, you know, parents or someone are murderers. It's craziness. Be in on the craziness and the fun and the incredible stories over at the Basement Yard shows. And go to thebasementyard.com/submit. Let us know if you're coming to either Boston or if you're coming to MSG,

• 34:11Speaker 02

  and then we'll figure it out, baby, alright? We love you, we miss you, we'll talk to you later, bye, bye.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  You ever notice how often you talk in threes?

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Like, lovely, we love you, we miss you, we'll talk to you later. Anything that will talk to you about you, to you, in front of you.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  Oh, so you think it's like, maybe like a compulsive thing?

• 34:31Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Like an OCD thing?

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't know if it's that. I just have noticing that you talk in threes.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  And I said two, two, two.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  No, that's three.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  That's a two, two, two.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  That's three twos.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  That's three twos, and I did three twos, two, two, twos, the number 23.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Yep. Wait, what?

• 34:46Speaker 02

  That was a stupid movie.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Was that that fucking Jim Carrey movie?

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a Jim Carrey movie where he's just like, this number's haunting me, I'm gonna die soon.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  You know, and it actually scared me because I divided my birthday by itself and it was .23.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  You divided?

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, seven divided by 30. My birthday's July 30th. It's .23.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  Why did you do that?

• 35:05Speaker 02

  Because I was freaked out by Jim Carrey.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  No, but why did you divide your birthday?

• 35:09Speaker 02

  I think he did that in that movie at one point, too.

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  You know?

• 35:12Speaker 01

  And you were like, oh my god.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Oh my god, the number 23's coming for me, too.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Unbelievable.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  And that movie sucked.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Never seen it.

• 35:19Speaker 02

  Save yourself, save yourself, uh, 23 minutes.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Oh, I will. Um, I do want to talk about probably the coolest thing I've ever heard in my entire life, that people rob the Louvre.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Fuck, I heard about that shit.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Yeah dude.

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Wait, like, fully robbed the Louvre.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, and they're like, it took seven minutes, they got a ladder and they got in there, they took like some, like some jewels.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Here's the thing, is I, I often like, find myself when people would be like, oh, there's professional burglars out there that like do stuff, they like.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Like Ocean's Eleven?

• 35:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, like shit like that. And I'll be like, dude, that only, that, that's only in movies. It's not in movies. It was in real life movie.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  I would, see, don't you think, like, obviously, like, you don't wanna go to jail, but wouldn't like a heist be just fucking awesome?

• 36:03Speaker 02

  Dude, I can't even begin to explain how cool I think I would be in a heist.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  Who would you be in the heist?

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Who would I be?

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Would you be like the main heister?

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  You would be the computer guy? That's just like, we have T minus five seconds, I'm in.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  No, I'm definitely not the guy in the van with all the screens.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  The greaser, that they call him.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Oh, there's the one guy that goes into a manhole and he like connects to the wires and he's like, you're, you're good, you're up and running.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  You're up and running and you have, you have T minus thirty-eight minutes.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that's not me either. I think I'm one of the guys that's in, I'm maybe the guy that like drills.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  You know, I'm like, hee.

• 36:36Speaker 02

  I might be like, you know, like, how in Ocean's Eleven, there was the little like, the little like Asian guy that could like fit into like the small spaces?

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are very, uh, limber.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Pretty nimble.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  I'm pretty nimble, I might be able to be him.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  He comes out.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  I'm not Asian, but.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  You're not. Um, but, yeah. Uh, there was, there was like a couple of people, I forgot how many people, but they like had a ladder, they put it up to the second floor, they broke a window, uh, they like cut into it or some shit.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Did they use the like?

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Like the Grinch? Picked up a piece of glass.

• 37:07Speaker 02

  I was gonna say like, like Catwoman, she like draws it like that and she goes like that and takes it off.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Probably, I have no idea.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  And that's pretty cool.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  Set off alarms, people who are in the museum started like running, cause it was like alarms going off.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Can I ask you a question? Broad daylight to do this is crazy.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  Why, like, why not wait till nighttime? Or that's when the security's like really on.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, because there's no one else in there. But if there's a bunch of people running around, it's probably harder to get around.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  Do they have lasers?

• 37:32Speaker 01

  What?

• 37:33Speaker 02

  Do they have lasers where they have to like spray like, like spray and they could see the laser? You know what I'm talking about?

• 37:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  I have seen a lot of movies.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. But, yeah, they stole a bunch of stuff and they're like at large.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  Do you know how much money they stole?

• 37:47Speaker 01

  No.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Well, I heard they took royal jewels.

• 37:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. Napoleon's like jewels.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  You can't.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Which he might have taken from other places, so.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Definitely. Uh, you can't account for like the historical importance, but around a hundred and two million dollars worth of stuff.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  What the fuck? Dude, how do you even like sell it though?

• 38:06Speaker 02

  I mean, black market. Private sellers.

• 38:09Speaker 03

  No, you, you.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  Bro, have you never seen these black market movies where they go and then it's like people are just like quiet in a room and they're just like, me? That sounds like any auction now that I think about it.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Wait, what were you gonna say?

• 38:22Speaker 03

  Um, you, you have to like break it apart, break them down, do jewel by jewel, like over time. You can't just sell a crown because they know they stole the crown.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  Right, right, right.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  So those things are probably gonna be destroyed.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  I mean, no, I imagine that someone is going to be like, they're gonna sell it on like to like a private seller on the black market. And they're just like, we have this.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  But like, why would someone want that? Because you clearly.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Because they weren't gonna get it any other way, so they're just like, oh, this is a really cool thing to own.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Well, like to his point, if you want the money and you're the person who stole it, wouldn't you like break it down so it looks unrecognizable?

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Or you can sell it as we stole this cool thing. No one can track us. You can buy it. No one will know you have it. Wire me a hundred million dollars.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  But you could get caught with it eventually.

• 39:06Speaker 02

  I mean, only if someone comes into your crib.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 02

  Just like put it behind like a secret wall with a book

• 39:14Speaker 02

  that you pull out and it opens.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  I don't get that.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  You can show only your boys. You're gonna tell me if you came over and I was just like, yo, I gotta show you some shit. And you come in the back and I'll be like,

• 39:26Speaker 01

  It's Queen Elizabeth's fucking.

• 39:27Speaker 02

  Queen Elizabeth's crown.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  Underpants.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. And you're just like, yo, that's crazy. You have that. And I'm like, yeah, no one, shh, don't worry about it. You know? That's cool. It's also a crime.

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Immediately extort you.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  Ten million are all rat.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  Do you do that to me?

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, it's easy to do now.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  It's an easy money. And it's worth it for you.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  I want some easy easy money.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Sorry. Don't know that.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  Billy Joel?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Still don't know it.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Didn't worry, I know Billy Joel.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Well, it's a good song.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  I would love to have like-

• 40:00Speaker 02

  Wait, wait, wait, wait. So if I have The Crown's jewels in my backyard.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you show me it.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  And I show you them, you're gonna be like, yo, give me five mil.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Well, if they're worth like a hundred and ten, I'd be like, yo, give me five.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Really?

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Just keep me quiet. Give me thirty. What are you gonna do about it?

• 40:16Speaker 02

  Oh, I have a hundred mil, now you're dead.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  What does that mean?

• 40:19Speaker 03

  Now you stole something and I'm dead?

• 40:21Speaker 02

  And we're in a room together, I have a hundred million dollars in The Crown's jewels.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, but what are you killing me with?

• 40:27Speaker 02

  A gun.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Why do you have a gun?

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Because I have a hundred million dollars.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  What does that have to do with that?

• 40:33Speaker 02

  If I have a hundred million dollars, one of the things I'm spending money on is probably a gun.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  Or security.

• 40:39Speaker 03

  I would wait until we weren't in the room.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Oh yeah?

• 40:43Speaker 01

  I would wait for the opportune time and go, hey.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  I put, I poisoned you.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Why'd you poison him?

• 40:50Speaker 02

  Cause I knew you were gonna extort me.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  So, alright, so you're holding me up, drop it, sign this non-disclosure agreement from your time here, although it doesn't cover crimes.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Oh my god, the NDA.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  Alright, see, see, like, this is what I'm saying, like, this is why I can't be a criminal, because I'm-

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't wanna do this.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  So you're saying-

• 41:13Speaker 01

  I do think that Robin Deluva is cool.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  I mean, also, mean.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Mean.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Mean.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  Mean.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  Like, there was probably a kid there that was like, looking like, oh, those are The Crown, The Queen's jewels.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  I think it was like an area where there weren't people.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Really?

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, and like, that, that was like, the whole point, kinda.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  If you could-

• 41:33Speaker 01

  They had a getaway van and they torched it.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  That's so cool.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  It's so cool, I wanna torch a car, har- like, so bad. What, you wanna blow up a car?

• 41:43Speaker 02

  No, no, no, hear me, hear me, hear me. New business idea.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Frankie, I'm not doing this again.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  Come on, please, please, please.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  You do this every episode.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  Please, but please, you might actually like this one.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  You know I won't, we're talking about robbing a famous museum!

• 41:55Speaker 02

  Listen to me, you might actually like this one.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  Think of how big escape rooms have happened and become over the last 10 years. What if? They're not! They're big, man! They had their moment, it's over. No, they're still around! Wh- wh- where's the closest one to you? Uh, not that far. You made it up. No, I'm serious! Uh, when was the last time you went? 2015. But, that's- Exactly. That's just me, though! There are people that go more regularly. No one goes. There are big team-building exercises for- for- for- No one-

• 42:27Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker, or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Corporate organizations- Listen. Uh, like, uh, like a situation like that where it's like, an escape room? But, the stimulation is a theft. A burglary. Like a- like a- like a- like art heist, or something. And you have to like, get out without them noticing you. Right. That would be fucking cool, dude! That just sounds like a haunted house.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  Which are cool! You're helping me! You're just fucking- you're- you're driving my point home, and, follow me! I'm looking up more Louv facts. Oh. About the heist. Oh. You got anything good? No. Good. So they torched the van, they took the jewels. Yeah, and I guess they're at-large. Which I never understood that expression either. They're out there on- uh, uh, big. Yeah. Yeah, where does "at-large" come from? I don't know. It doesn't really make a lot of sense to me. But, yeah, I would rob a bank... Uh, you've said this. You've said this before. Because like, it's not- it's not their money. I mean, technically, you are- eh, you're taking from people.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  Am I? I don't think I am.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  In theory.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  I'm not.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  If, if, if this room is a bank. Yeah. Well, what, what do you think you're taking?

• 44:10Speaker 01

  What do you think that you're, there's cash in a bank be- because you have it? That's not your money.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  No, but there is cash in a bank.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  They don't hold your money in a bank account? Like, that's not what that, it's not Gringotts. Like...

• 44:23Speaker 02

  I wish it was Gringotts. That sounds pretty cool.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  So would I. I would love to get on a roller coaster to go get my money. That would be cool.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  You see how he's on a roller coaster to get his money? He's gotta go all the way to the top because he's got big, big, big amounts of money.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Not what I meant.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  I'm not looking at him. I'm not looking at him.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Did you see the movie?

• 44:38Speaker 02

  I did.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  The ride would cost more than what's in the bank account.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  Props.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Probably, yeah. I would, I would kind of rob a bank, too.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  Is that bad? I think that's totally fine to rob a bank.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  But not in today's society. I'd like to rob a bank in the mid, like, the old west.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  I want a burlap sack that has a dollar sign on it.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  I want a burlap sack that has a dollar sign. I wanna be like, you know, walk in-

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Wearing black and white.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  Wearing black and white and just the bandana, you know, over, from my nose down.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  Or the thing over my eyes.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  The domino mask.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Is that what that's called?

• 45:10Speaker 02

  Second time that's come up in two weeks.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  What was the first time?

• 45:13Speaker 02

  When he was the Ninja Turtle.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, exactly like that. Oh, my god, robbing a bank would be a thrill.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Alright, alright. Let's act this out. I'm a teller. You're a bank robber. Alright?

• 45:25Speaker 01

  I would do the slide the note.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Oh, you're not going big?

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Going big?

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Going big, making a scene.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Why would I do that?

• 45:34Speaker 02

  Scare people?

• 45:35Speaker 01

  I don't wanna scare anyone. I just wanna leave with the money.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  Okay, so I'm a teller. Oh, this is the old west, so they-

• 45:41Speaker 01

  Frank, there wouldn't be, uh, there's no, nothing to act out. I would just do this.

• 45:46Speaker 02

  And then go...

• 45:47Speaker 01

  Oh!

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Read the fucking note, you'll know how much.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  You're horrible at getting robbed. I gave you a note, it has a number on it, give it to me.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  I am not gonna... Excuse you, you could be a little more polite about this, sir. There's the polite part.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  That's how I would be. I'd just be like... You could be nicer.

• 46:15Speaker 01

  Do you think that...

• 46:19Speaker 01

  Any part of you, if you were at the bank and someone showed up and was gonna rob the place? And... They had a gun, but you were suspicious of the gun, you were like, "I don't know if it has a real gun." And they're like, "Everybody get on the ground," and you get on the ground. And now... But you clearly have an opportunity to tackle this guy and save the day. You taking it?

• 46:41Speaker 02

  Who else is in the room?

• 46:43Speaker 01

  It's a good question.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Because if I'm in the room and it's like, "You two are also in the room." I am confident that if I go make the shot, uh, take a shot, you guys will join in. Now, if I look around and it's fucking Betty White and fucking, uh... I don't know what, the first name that came in my head was Vera Farmiga.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  Who the fuck is that? Who's Vera Farmiga?

• 47:05Speaker 02

  She's an actress.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Betty White, dead, and Vera Farmiga.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  Is she alive?

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, and she's also like, in shape. Like, she would be, she'd probably do more damage than I would.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  So, okay.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  But like, it, it really depends on who's in the room.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Right. And you give us eyes like, "Yo, I'm gonna jump on this guy."

• 47:24Speaker 02

  I'd be like...

• 47:27Speaker 02

  I'd be like, "I'm laying down like this," I'd be like...

• 47:30Speaker 01

  And I'm, and we're going like, "Yeah."

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Are you wait, are you letting me go first?

• 47:35Speaker 01

  No, no, no, like, I'm letting you know, like, "Yeah, this is what we're gonna do."

• 47:38Speaker 02

  But how many, there's so many variables that I need to know. Like, paint a better picture, Joey.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  There's a guy in a bank.

• 47:46Speaker 02

  One guy, in one bank. How big is the bank?

• 47:48Speaker 01

  How would we be in two banks at once?

• 47:50Speaker 02

  I, I'm saying like, one guy, that's what I meant.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  It's one guy?

• 47:53Speaker 02

  One guy, with a, what kinda gun?

• 47:55Speaker 01

  Handgun.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  Semi-automatic or automatic?

• 47:59Speaker 01

  Uh, I assume semi.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  Okay. Did he fire off a round when he came in?

• 48:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  Okay. Where is the gun? Is it out? Is it away?

• 48:10Speaker 01

  It's out, but it's not like... Oh, actually, no, I'm saying, he told everyone to get on the ground.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  So he's got it out? So he's waving it around?

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's waving it around.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 48:19Speaker 01

  He's like, "Get on the ground."

• 48:21Speaker 02

  How far away is he from me?

• 48:23Speaker 01

  At first, he's far away, but then, he gets close. So now, he's at the, you were at the teller, that's like, next to where he is, and he's going, "Give me the fucking money", and you're on the ground.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  How am I on the ground?

• 48:37Speaker 01

  You're on the ground, face down.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  Arms out? Arms by my side.

• 48:40Speaker 01

  You're just kinda like here.

• 48:41Speaker 02

  What am I wearing?

• 48:43Speaker 01

  Athletic wear.

• 48:44Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Uh, and the guy's back is to you. Because he's, he's at the teller like this, and you're like, over here, but you're on the ground.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  And...

• 48:53Speaker 03

  So you have initiative, and now you have to roll a dexterity check.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  I like how you're doing this.

• 48:57Speaker 03

  That's what it sounds like.

• 48:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, basically.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  You guys are playing D and D right now, is what it sounds like.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  I don't even know what any of that meant.

• 49:02Speaker 02

  We just played Dungeons and Dragons without realizing, yeah.

• 49:05Speaker 01

  But like, oh, is that how you play?

• 49:07Speaker 02

  Basically, yeah.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  But keep going, I like it.

• 49:09Speaker 01

  So then, alright, so then, so...

• 49:10Speaker 02

  Pull up a d20.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  You wanna roll?

• 49:13Speaker 01

  You're laying on the ground, right? You're in athletic wear.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  You don't have any weapons.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  This dude has a gun. It's in his left hand.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  Alright, okay.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Right?

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Alright, so...

• 49:22Speaker 03

  What do you wanna roll for?

• 49:24Speaker 02

  Let's roll, let's roll for, uh, how fast can I, can I get up without him realizing?

• 49:29Speaker 03

  Alright, so this is a dexterity check. You want a high, like, 13 or higher here.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  Ooh!

• 49:36Speaker 01

  This guy's dexterity!

• 49:37Speaker 02

  My dexterity!

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Dude, nat 20, so he has no idea you're coming.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  Okay, so you have the element of surprise, clearly. His back is turned.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  That's me sneaking.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  So you can jump on this guy.

• 49:47Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Right?

• 49:48Speaker 02

  And, gun is in his what, left or right arm?

• 49:50Speaker 01

  I said it's in his lef- it's in his hand.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. He's got it here.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Arm is a gun. No, his, no, it's not.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  He's holding a gun, it's in his left hand, and he's like this. It's not down, it's like, at the thing.

• 50:04Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 50:04Speaker 02

  So he's pointing it at the teller?

• 50:05Speaker 01

  Now, you don't know if he's got another one like...

• 50:07Speaker 02

  Is the teller behind glass?

• 50:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. Fully behind glass?

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Yee, mm, let's say no. Let's get some danger.

• 50:15Speaker 02

  Okay, I like danger.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  So, you know, there's, there's other guys in the bank, but it's not, hold on.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  Hold on!

• 50:26Speaker 02

  Fuck!

• 50:30Speaker 01

  There's other guys in the bank, but you don't know if they're brave or not.

• 50:33Speaker 02

  Alright, so I'm running a bravery check on everybody else.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  No, no, this is a perception check.

• 50:37Speaker 02

  Perception check on everybody else.

• 50:38Speaker 01

  Wait, what is perception check?

• 50:39Speaker 03

  So like, you look around and like your surroundings and like, what's going on?

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  So you're trying to see if other people are brave?

• 50:43Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, so this is a low roll, that's like, oh, it's a bunch of old people?

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so perception check.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  So there's maybe one other guy, he's in his mid 40s.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  And like, you don't know.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  Okay, so I give him a look.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  You give the guy a look?

• 50:58Speaker 02

  I give the guy a look, so he sees I'm up. Does he get up?

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Did you get up?

• 51:04Speaker 02

  I got up. I'm sneaking out on this guy, I got a 20 dexterity, baby!

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Well, he's right next to you. So what about your strength? He could be a strong guy.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  Could be a strong guy. Can we run a strength check?

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Do a strength check?

• 51:13Speaker 03

  For you?

• 51:14Speaker 02

  For me, please.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, for Frank.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  And then for him.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  So in the moment, because you know, it's an anxious situation, this is our strength roll. 17, you're feeling good.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  I'm pretty good, I'm strong as hell.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  That's strong.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  I'm strong as shit.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  Can we see how strong the guy is?

• 51:24Speaker 03

  We can see how strong the guy is, here we go.

• 51:27Speaker 02

  Throw him on his head, Frank! Throw him on his head! I'm beating the brakes off this dumbass.

• 51:32Speaker 01

  That's why he needs the gun.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  That's why he needs the gun. That's why he needs the gun.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  So, how do we, how do we roll for, like, how good of a shooter this guy is? And has he killed before?

• 51:42Speaker 03

  We don't know.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Has he killed? Experience check.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  I don't know what we're doing.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  Experience check.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  There are people watching this?

• 51:47Speaker 01

  How much experience?

• 51:49Speaker 02

  No experience at all! Basically going up against Betty White.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  Not fucking...

• 51:55Speaker 03

  Very, very advantageous roles.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  So how do you, how do you end D and D? You go, okay, this is done?

• 52:00Speaker 03

  Well, now you like...

• 52:01Speaker 02

  No, D and D never...

• 52:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, never ends.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  Ends. Literally, it's a campaign that goes on forever.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  But you keep, like, going with these decisions?

• 52:08Speaker 03

  Sorta.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Forever, basically. It's always going.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  Like, eventually you go like, oh, alright, we got him, we got the gun, he's restrained, and you just keep going.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 52:16Speaker 02

  It is, I played it once, uh, it's kinda fun, but also...

• 52:20Speaker 01

  I just had fun.

• 52:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I played it, I played it, I played it.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  You need to like, there is someone that is watching this, who's just like, please let me make D and D for them.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Um, alright, so, so he's not strong, he's not experienced, what do I do now?

• 52:31Speaker 01

  You're strong and you're fucking limber.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  You're feeling good, you have the advantage, and you got a natural 20, so you can start the attack if you really want to.

• 52:39Speaker 02

  Okay, so I guess, I guess I'm going to attack, but as I'm going to attack, I'm going to grab one arm around the neck. The other is going to...

• 52:49Speaker 01

  Frank.

• 52:49Speaker 03

  It's gonna get a little harder.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  You have to grab the gun first.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  Go full for the gun?

• 52:53Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  Okay, so I go full for the gun then.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  Can we get an experience check on him now?

• 52:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's actually, that's a good point. I just, I just revealed that I'm not.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  If you go for the other arm.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  No, this is more of a dexterity check, I guess, or like hand-eye coordination.

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Hand-eye coordination, we can do that, sure.

• 53:09Speaker 03

  So let's see how we're feeling.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:11Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 53:12Speaker 02

  That's not bad.

• 53:13Speaker 01

  That's good, that's good.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  I mean, I think we said that the base level was 13 for, so I'm, I'm, I'm...

• 53:18Speaker 03

  You can get it.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 53:19Speaker 03

  And with the advantage, because of the nat 20, let's say he gets it.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's gonna get him.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  Alright, so I get the gun.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  So you save the guy.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  I save the guy.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:27Speaker 02

  I'm a hero.

• 53:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Now, I turn the gun on them and I want the money, because I'm the strong alpha now.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  Oh, now you're robbing the bank.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  I'm the ro- robber.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  This would be a persuasion check?

• 53:42Speaker 02

  It'd be like, you know, since I saved you, can you, can you give me $10,000 or something?

• 53:47Speaker 01

  What an anti-hero. And I...

• 53:50Speaker 03

  What are we rolling for?

• 53:51Speaker 02

  Maybe that's not really that...

• 53:53Speaker 03

  I don't think they give it to you.

• 53:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. Alright, alright, I'm gonna do a scenario for you now.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  Oh, now we're just full-blown.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  I think, this is how it works, you get really excited.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  We do have more sponsors.

• 54:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:02Speaker 01

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• 54:45Speaker 01

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• 55:25Speaker 01

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• 56:08Speaker 01

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• 56:53Speaker 01

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• 57:10Speaker 02

  All right, that was good, you're good at that. All right, so I'm setting the scene here.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  It's a...

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Monday morning.

• 57:21Speaker 03

  It's a Monday morning.

• 57:22Speaker 02

  Monday morning, and you're coming from the gym.

• 57:25Speaker 03

  Right.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  You just did leg day.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  Okay?

• 57:28Speaker 03

  So I'm a little shaky leg.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  You're a little shaky leg. You did hard leg day, too.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm shaking.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  You PR'd on, on squats.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  Okay, so I'm like Bambi.

• 57:35Speaker 02

  And you PR'd on, you probably wouldn't do that.

• 57:40Speaker 03

  Do what?

• 57:41Speaker 02

  I was gonna say leg press.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  You do leg press?

• 57:45Speaker 03

  I can't, it's not my...

• 57:46Speaker 02

  Exactly, that's why I said you wouldn't do that.

• 57:51Speaker 02

  Alright, so you PR'd on, on leg day. So you're feeling good, okay? You walk into the, you walk into the bank.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  Oh, this is after the gym?

• 57:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz you run your errands after the gym, you know?

• 58:01Speaker 03

  So it's like a similar situation?

• 58:03Speaker 02

  It's like 9:45 on a Monday morning.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  Okay?

• 58:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  You walk in, you know, you're greeted with your glass of champagne at your Swiss bank that you go to.

• 58:12Speaker 03

  Am I in Switzerland?

• 58:14Speaker 02

  No, you're here.

• 58:15Speaker 03

  Got it.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  They have, they have UBS, uh, uh, chains in America.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 58:21Speaker 02

  Everyone down! Guy walks in with an AK. Fires it in the air like this.

• 58:27Speaker 03

  Fires it?

• 58:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, does the, does that.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  How many shots?

• 58:32Speaker 03

  Same question.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Eight.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  Fires him in the air. Looks at you and says, "Get on the fucking ground." And uses the butt of the gun against the back of your legs and you fall to the ground. Okay?

• 58:51Speaker 03

  I'm writing everything down, sorry.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  Now, he goes up to the teller.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  And he says, "Give me everything in the safe."

• 59:04Speaker 02

  Ask away.

• 59:06Speaker 03

  Is that my role? I guess so, but, uh, I'm gonna give you minus four to dexterity because of the gym, unfortunately.

• 59:14Speaker 02

  And minus, make it minus five cuz he's got, he's got hit in the back of the leg.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  I haven't counted in that, minus four, it's, it's, it's a hefty penalty.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Okay. What is that, what is your position called in this whole thing?

• 59:27Speaker 02

  He's the game master.

• 59:29Speaker 03

  No, technically because you're being the game master right now. I'm just helping him what he should also be doing. We're both game masters right now.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  Do, but like, what's my role? I, I like, think of things to do?

• 59:39Speaker 03

  You're the player.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta tell, I'm walking you through it.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, okay. So the guy, you just described basically the same situation.

• 59:44Speaker 02

  You ask questions about the situation, me, or anything.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  How tall is this guy?

• 59:49Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  Or how big? Is, how big and wide?

• 59:53Speaker 02

  I would say five, five-ten. One-ninety.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  Lean.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  We're very similar builds.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah, he's got a couple inches on you, but sure.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  Okay. Uh, is he strong?

• 1:00:09Speaker 03

  He did fire around that AK. Was, was it with ease? Could we tell? That'd be a perception check.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  Was it one-handed? It was one of these?

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  It was one of these, but he looks very uncomfortable.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  Looks very uncomfortable.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  I mean, it is an AK.

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  It's an AK cuatro siete.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  Right. Uh...

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Is he wearing a disguise?

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  He's wearing a rubber mask.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  Of what?

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Freddy Krueger.

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  Okay, so now I would give him a disadvantage to sight, right? He would have a little bit of a sight disadvantage.

• 1:00:41Speaker 02

  Run a sight check.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, what is his sight check?

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  Let's see, let's make that one a D-12, because it's like...

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  I don't know what the difference is here.

• 1:00:48Speaker 03

  Actually, I don't know what I just did. Let's just get rid of that for a minute.

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  Wait, hold on. That, that says total fourteen. Does that mean like, this is out of fourteen?

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  No, this is out of twenty.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  You can roll three dice at the same time and add them up.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, you could just roll multiple dice.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. So he's got a fourteen sight.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  So it's not that bad. It's not hurting him that much.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  I mean, he's losing some sight, though.

• 1:01:07Speaker 02

  He is losing some sight, so make it minus two.

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, so let's get it.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  What about his hearing? What about his hearing? Can he hear me creeping up on him?

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  Alright, we can see, we can see.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  We can do a hearing check.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  Very good. God, he's like a fucking bat! Very good. Shit! Very good, very good.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  Very good hearing.

• 1:01:21Speaker 02

  You're in trouble.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  Oh, no, I have a, I, I, do I, do I have anything on me?

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  You do.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  What do I have?

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  You have, uh, your phone, you have your wallet, which that, that carries some weight. Uh, you, uh, and, uh, you have, you were jumping rope at the gym on gym, on leg day. So you have a, you have a jump rope, a metal one.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  Okay. Am I gonna fucking lasso this guy?

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  Metal jumper.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  Um, alright, uh, he has very good hearing, his sight's not that great, he's got an AK. Is there anyone else around?

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, full, packed, packed.

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  It's a packed.

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  Packed bank.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Is there any, any dudes in there that I could probably get some help from?

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  Oh, great. Do I know any of them?

• 1:02:03Speaker 02

  Yes, you do.

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  I know them.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  You know one of them.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Is it you?

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Got it. Um, okay.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  It's Ray Lewis.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  It's Ray Lewis?

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  These should've been some rolls, we're getting really, uh...

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Getting real loose.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Alright, no, no, no, alright, hold on. Someone is in there with it. If it's a roll over fifteen, it's Ray Lewis.

• 1:02:23Speaker 03

  This is, now you're getting into it.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  If it's a roll between ten and fifteen, I'll come up with somebody else. If it's under ten, I'll come up with somebody else.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:02:32Speaker 01

  Oh my god, it's a two.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:02:34Speaker 03

  That's bad.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  This is bad.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  Oh my god, it's Clay Aiken.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  It's...

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Oh my god, it's Clay Aiken in there.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  Sure, we could go...

• 1:02:41Speaker 01

  Which I would be very excited to see Clay Aiken.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  Honestly, no, Clay Aiken, I think Clay Aiken's pretty tall. Clay Aiken might be in the ten to fifteen, yeah.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  So, under ten, you're in there with...

• 1:02:50Speaker 03

  This is under five.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  Bruce Valanche.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Whoa. I mean, Bruce is a big guy. Old now, though.

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  Old bastard now.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  Okay. Oh my god. Um, am I, what's my fighting ability? Like, do I have any background with...

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  Sure, you took boxing, uh...

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  How good am I?

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  Uh, I would say you're, you're...

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Can we get a boxing check?

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  Get a boxing check on Joe.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  Let's see, yeah, let's see, uh, history check, how much he remembers when he was boxing.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I'm a fucking champion.

• 1:03:18Speaker 03

  Very high.

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  Cassius Clay.

• 1:03:20Speaker 03

  Very high.

• 1:03:21Speaker 02

  Some differences, but you're, you're close enough.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  Sure. I can knock this guy the fuck out, because he can barely see me.

• 1:03:27Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  Well, the only other person in there with you is Bruce Valanche.

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  You do, you do have a disadvantage on attack, because of your legs, though.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Um, on, yeah, but what does that mean? Like, my speed?

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, just, it all bunches into one. It depends on the scenario.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Alright, alright, alright.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  It's tough.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  So, here's my plan, and I don't know how to ask this in the confines of this game.

• 1:03:47Speaker 03

  No, that's fine.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  But I have, like, a phone, or I have a wallet, right?

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  And this guy's got the fucking hearing of a fox slash bat.

• 1:03:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, fox.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  So, my plan right now, is, and I have, and I have a fucking nineteen out of twenty boxing, so I could knock this guy's block off, but I just gotta get there.

• 1:04:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  But he's got very good hearing. So, my plan, take my wallet, throw it across the room.

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  So, he hears the wallet, turns, I get up, and I knock his fucking head off.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  Ooh, that's a good one. But, how quick can you get up? Because remember, you used it leg day.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  My life is on the line, and again, I'm throwing this thing, and then I'm attempting to get up. So, as I'm getting up, he's gonna hear the sound, turn towards the sound, I'm behind him.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Okay. So, first, we're gonna see, we're gonna roll to see if this wallet trick worked. That's what we roll for.

• 1:04:37Speaker 02

  Okay, how do we do that? Well, you gotta see, will the wallet trick work, over...

• 1:04:41Speaker 03

  He has very good hearing, so...

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  Very good hearing, so he can tell the difference between a wallet and something real.

• 1:04:45Speaker 03

  No, I was gonna say, like, very good hearing, this would give this a bit of an advantage to work, because he will hear the wallet.

• 1:04:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  That's why I'm saying.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  So, let's say, ten.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Oh, god, it's not working at all.

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  No, it didn't work.

• 1:04:57Speaker 02

  Not working.

• 1:04:57Speaker 03

  A three out of twenty is basically, I'm throwing the wallet across, and he's looking right at me, like, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, it didn't work.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  Okay. Yeah, you're in trouble, dude.

• 1:05:04Speaker 03

  Didn't work.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  So, I can't do that.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  And now, he's kinda locked on to it.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  I need a different plan.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't work.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  Now, do I, do I, what are the chances that me and the guy, uh, oh, oh, me and Bruce Valanche?

• 1:05:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  Uh, we both know sign language.

• 1:05:21Speaker 02

  Uh, I mean, what, what?

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  But you don't.

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  I don't think there are any rolls to check if you know sign language.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  Cause I was gonna be like, yo, if I tell him like, "Bro, scream," and I'll knock this guy's lock on.

• 1:05:31Speaker 03

  So in this scenario, right, we establish that you two know each other.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  Me and Bruce.

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  So I'm assuming that you two have a cellphone connection, or.

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 1:05:39Speaker 03

  Or each other's numbers.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Can I text?

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  Can you text Bruce Valanche?

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Can I text Bruce Valanche and say?

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  But then we gotta see if, does the text send, uh, does it, is Bruce Valanche's phone on vibrate?

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  Roll a D4 for that one.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  What is, what is these things?

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  They're different, like, different dice have different scenarios.

• 1:05:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, but we're just, well, how, when we're having fun like this, I just always do D20s, cause it's like, just easy.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  Um, what are the chances that I can reason with this guy? Is he an open-minded, Robert?

• 1:06:08Speaker 02

  Okay, that's a great, so persuasion check? We could do a persuasion check?

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  Can I persuade him to let me, like, go to the bathroom at least?

• 1:06:14Speaker 03

  All right, let's see, this is very, let's see how open-minded he is.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  Sixteen?

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  You know, that's, that's pretty good, honestly.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  So maybe I tell him, like, "Look, you can."

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  And wait, no. Do a roll for Joey's charm. How charming is Joey?

• 1:06:29Speaker 03

  Well, this was the, this was the persuasion check.

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  I, I would say, I'll, I'll be like, "Look, I, I really need to take a dump, take my cellphone, so I don't call the cops, just let me go to the bathroom, I'll come right back."

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  And then what's your plan?

• 1:06:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess he said, "Yeah."

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  Um, I don't know.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  Now you're just in the bathroom?

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  Just in the bathroom.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  Well, I think that.

• 1:06:47Speaker 03

  And now you don't have your phone.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  Oh, so here's the plan, here's the plan. I go to hand him the phone, I grab the gun.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:06:54Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  That's, that's, that's, that's scary, because when you hand him the phone, he's positioned in front of you like this, with a gun like this.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  But he has to take it from my hand, so I can get close enough to grab the gun and jump out of the way.

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  And it is an AK, it's not a handgun, a little harder to maneuver up close, so I'll give that to you. All right.

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  Okay, so what happened?

• 1:07:12Speaker 03

  So you're rolling to grab the gun.

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  Go, all right, wait, what's the level at which he grabs a gun?

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  I think like.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  This guy, how, can we get a strength check on this guy?

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Sure, why not?

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  Let's get a strength check on him.

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  He's alright, average.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  He's in the middle of the pack.

• 1:07:25Speaker 02

  Middle of the pack, but you're also not using your biggest strength, which is your boxing ability, apparently.

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  I will get there. If I grab the gun, he's toast.

• 1:07:31Speaker 03

  I would say with the disadvantage because of leg day, but the fact that it's a two-handed weapon, let's do above a 12. Above a 12, he grabs the gun.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  Okay. Okay, okay. Here we go, here we go.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  You're dead!

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  Jesus!

• 1:07:46Speaker 03

  Bad. It's bad. It's bad.

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  Alright, now-

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  I'm getting bad rolls here.

• 1:07:50Speaker 02

  Now, so you go to grab the gun and it doesn't work. Does, yeah, he fucking butts you in the-

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  Oh, he like knocks my fucking block off.

• 1:07:57Speaker 03

  I'd say he butts ya.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think you're dead.

• 1:07:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it's probably-

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  I think it's a rap.

• 1:08:01Speaker 03

  It's probably how-

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  Let's just do a check to see if he shoots Joe in the face.

• 1:08:03Speaker 01

  What are the chances that I've distracted him so much with my horrible attempt-

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  That Bruce-

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  That Bruce Valanche jumps on his back? And then I get up, I'm missing three teeth, and I spit blood in his eyes.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  And then, well, what about your boxing ability, Joey?

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  Then I start punching his lights out.

• 1:08:21Speaker 03

  I think this would probably be your last roll for hope.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  Okay, but if it's above a 17, then we do it.

• 1:08:27Speaker 03

  That's exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking 17. That's a hard roll.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  A 17 and up?

• 1:08:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, 17 and up.

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  17 and up, Joey, you're gonna die.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  No, I'm not. I'm gonna kill him. Yeah!

• 1:08:40Speaker 02

  So Bruce Valanche jumps on his back?

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  Jumps on his back. I get up, I spit blood in his mask, and I start teeing off on his head.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Why are you spitting blood?

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  Because he knocked me in the face with the gun.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  Gotcha, okay.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  Oh my god, D and D is fun.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  You know, it is. It's a lot of fun.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  Wow, wow, wow. Oh, there's someone. We should do a D and D video.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  I've suggested that before and Joe was like, "Pfft."

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know people-

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Did I?

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  I've seen people like comment on our Instagram posts once before and been like, "Please let me set up. I'm a great DM. Let me set it up for you."

• 1:09:10Speaker 03

  It's a lot of fun. I do horror like nights with my friends. Like, we do a horror scenario.

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  Ooh, is it spooky?

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, spooky.

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  That's interesting. That's fun. I had a good time.

• 1:09:20Speaker 03

  Well-

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  There you go, folks.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, the Louvre got robbed.

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, who cares?

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  Suddenly I don't get shit.

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  Joe and Bruce Valanche have something to say about it.

• 1:09:31Speaker 01

  You put me and Bruce Valanche in a bank and you're safe. I'll take a couple hits to the face with the end of a gun, though.

• 1:09:36Speaker 02

  By the way, I've seen, I have seen the age demographic of our fans.

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  No one knows.

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  Who's Bruce Valanche?

• 1:09:42Speaker 01

  Google Bruce Valanche. You don't know Bruce Valanche? I was about to say, I don't.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  He was always the center square on Hollywood Squares with Tom Bergeron.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  Look up Bruce Valanche.

• 1:09:50Speaker 02

  Bruce V-a-lanche.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  There's your hero.

• 1:09:56Speaker 02

  There's our hero.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  Bruce Valanche!

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  There's, there's the hero, Bruce.

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  Is saving us.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  That's it. That sucks with my dad in a wig.

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  You look better on it.

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  Bruce. Yeah, this guy, so I get up, I make a stupid attempt, he jumps on the guy's back. It's just enough for me to get up there with my shaky legs and knock his block off. Bruce Valanche. Yeah.

• 1:10:19Speaker 02

  Well, there you go, folks. Hero of the people.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  Bruce Valanche.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  Shout out. Well, there you go.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  That's so funny. But, don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon, patreon.com/thebasementyard. Keep supporting the show, and, yeah, Frank where they can find you?

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  The Frank Albers everywhere, patreon.com/thebasementyard. If you're coming to any of the shows, thebasementyard.com/submit. And we love you, we thank you, and, yeah.

• 1:10:47Speaker 01

  Where can they find you, Ant? Higher than 10, I could do it. Okay, higher than 10, Ant could plug.

• 1:10:56Speaker 01

  13! Ant Prisco on Instagram.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  Only one.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  Only one.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  Only one.

• 1:11:03Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, that is all for this week's episode. See you next time.