#526 - Spooky Season Is Here!

Thank you to the SFX artists: Tyler Green - @TylerGreenFX Anthony Videira - @AnthonyVideira_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:29Speaker 01

  Welcome back to the basement.

• 0:36Speaker 02

  Happy Halloween, welcome back to the basement yard.

• 0:38Speaker 03

  Happy Halloween, everybody.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Obviously.

• 0:40Speaker 03

  As we did a couple of years ago. Which, I just, they told me, they were like, "That was 2 years ago." Feels like yesterday.

• 0:46Speaker 02

  I thought it was last year.

• 0:47Speaker 03

  Me too!

• 0:47Speaker 02

  Honestly, I don't even know what happened last year.

• 0:49Speaker 03

  What, yeah, what did we do for Halloween?

• 0:51Speaker 02

  And looked it up, it was Radio City, so that... Oh, we're a little busy.

• 1:01Speaker 03

  That's terrifying.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  Oh my god, I have Voldemort pointing.

• 1:09Speaker 03

  Dude, you're like Voldemort if you had a... Oh, that kinda looks sick.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  That kinda looks pretty sick. And how do I sound? Because it's a little difficult to speak with this.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Who did, who did your makeup?

• 1:21Speaker 03

  Someone else.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  I thought I was coming in early to also get makeup done.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  It turns out I was not.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  You had to let the artist in and then...

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, yeah, they told me to come early. I thought I was getting makeup done as well. It was just to let them in, so I had to paint myself.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  Right. And it looks great.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  And I don't know if I mean that... Frank.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  I'm trying to eat popcorn.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Can you actually eat through that?

• 1:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  Where did the popcorn go then?

• 1:45Speaker 03

  I got one, but I'm trying to get more.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  I wish you guys could see what I'm seeing from this angle. Because it's very interesting.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  Alright, well, you know, there is some... Just so everyone's aware, our audio listeners, Frank's in a chicken costume and trying to eat off the desk and it's not going smoothly.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  The guy said not to like move around too much.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  And, and so far-

• 2:09Speaker 03

  But I have not listened one bit.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  So far you've done that.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  Hold on, wait, we gotta-

• 2:17Speaker 02

  Yep, there you go. That didn't work at all.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Not at all. Uh, I decided, uh, that this feels good?

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:25Speaker 03

  Alright, we're, we're continuing the trend. Last time I was a lion.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  You were a cat.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  Oh, was it just a cat?

• 2:31Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  I liked it.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  A little kitty cat.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  You're like terrifying.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  You went from like, basically, you, last time you were a devil and now you're just... Like, what I expect is gonna happen to you once you stop using sunscreen.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Now I'm Cardi V. First of all, I don't know how women deal with this, cuz this has been very difficult.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Does it, is it nice? Can you clackety-clack?

• 2:55Speaker 02

  I can, a little bit.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  Oooh!

• 2:58Speaker 02

  I'm afraid, they're press-on nails, they're not real.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  You know?

• 3:04Speaker 02

  But, it's been-

• 3:07Speaker 02

  It's been very difficult to like text on my phone, so I'm texting like, like I look like this like scary thing and I'm over here like-

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Do you now have a newfound appreciation for women that have long nails?

• 3:21Speaker 02

  Uh-

• 3:22Speaker 03

  Cuz before you said you hated them.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  When did I say that?

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Never, you never said that.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  I will say that I think that, um, what this has shown me, by the way, this looks really cool.

• 3:31Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Like, I think that like nails look nice, but they're not practical. I just, I don't know, I'm not really-

• 3:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I don't want them for myself.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Selfishly though, I want them just for the purpose of scratching my back. That's the first thing I ask you to do.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  You want nails on your own hand to scratch your back?

• 3:47Speaker 03

  No, like Becca, I want Becca, I want Becca to have them.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  I don't want them at all.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:52Speaker 03

  I also-

• 3:53Speaker 02

  I don't even know how I would wipe my ass. I feel like I would claw my fucking grim to bits.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  Like pantomime wiping your ass right now, tell me what it-

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Oh, I mean, I guess you could-

• 4:02Speaker 03

  You have the paper there as a barrier.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  I can just go like this.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  Well, like, no, what's that?

• 4:08Speaker 02

  I mean, women are doing it. They're wiping their ass.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  Well, or, I mean, it's not just women that have long nails. Get 'em! Aaah!

• 4:17Speaker 02

  That's crazy.

• 4:20Speaker 03

  I have to like, because if I talk normal, it's muffled like this. So I have to like be out here.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  And bugawk.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, you have to bugawk.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  I need to bugawk my way.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  What do you think bugawk means to a chicken?

• 4:33Speaker 03

  I mean, it depends on the context. It depends on the-

• 4:36Speaker 02

  We know bukkake.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  We know bukkakee.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, we know bukkakee.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  We know bukkakee.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you think that came from chickens? Or the Japanese?

• 4:44Speaker 03

  I think the Japanese coined the term.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:47Speaker 03

  What does bukkake actually mean? I don't want you to look it up.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Google what bukkake translates to. I'm gonna, I think it translates to just big fun time. Not for, not for-

• 4:59Speaker 02

  That's your cellphone, right?

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Please. For the love of Jesus.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Um.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  Go ahead.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  It means a sexual practice in which several men-

• 5:17Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  Don't read it.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  We know what that definition is.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  What is the actual like Webster dictionary definition of bukkake?

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Is bukkake in the dictionary? Now we're asking the hard hitting questions. You know what I mean?

• 5:31Speaker 03

  We are journalistic entrepreneurs, okay? We are just trying to crack the stories of tomorrow.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  What's the question? Because it just means what it is.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  What are you asking?

• 5:43Speaker 03

  It doesn't, what are the, alright, how about this? What are the linguistic origins of bukkake?

• 5:49Speaker 02

  No, so I, I, what he's saying though, is that it's like, Frank thought that, oh, I also thought that like the word had like a, it meant something like the evil knight or something.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Got it, got it.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, like the, the creamy space.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Frank? What the hell? My nail is coming off and I'm getting real sad.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  It did originate in Japan in the eighties.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  So the Japanese coined bukkake?

• 6:13Speaker 02

  I think they invented it.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  Wow, innovators.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Innovators. Fucking-

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Pokemon.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Pokemon. Um.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Others. What else did they do?

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Final Fantasy.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Final Fantasy Bukkake.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  Bukkake.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  I actually did find something here.

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Go ahead.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  It refers to the act of splashing liquid on something, in this case, uh, broth, because they also have Bukkake Udon.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Dude, if I went to a restaurant and I saw Bukkake on the menu, I'm leaving that restaurant.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Depends on the price.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  I, I, what?

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Depends on the price?

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Depends on the price.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  It does depend on the price.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Wait, what's Bukkake Udon?

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Udon, like, like the food, like soup.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  Udon noodles, like soup.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  So it's like a Bukkake soup and you, you order it and they come over and throw it all over your face?

• 7:01Speaker 03

  Call, call, call, call, call. Call, you gotta dial the number, Joey.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  I lost one.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Take out that Bukkake Udon.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  What a, what an episode.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  Um, we're, uh, excited. We, we love, the guys that did the makeup also did it the last time, uh, if you wanna, uh, shout them out real quick.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  But, I think we look really good. I love the animal thing I got going on here.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  It feels animalistic in nature, but I do think that there is a level of connection I have with the chicken now.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Cause you eat a lot of chicken. I eat a lot of chicken.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  I eat a lot of chicken, you eat a lot of chicken.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I won't be after this, but, you know.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  You won't?

• 7:51Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Gobble me up.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Right, see, that's why.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  I'll show you my wings and my breasts.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  Funny, that got me. Show me your wis- I'll split your wishbone.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  You want my, uh, you wanna spatchcock me on that fucking table?

• 8:05Speaker 02

  I will fuck you.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  Oh, roast me up.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  I will marinate you, you fucking chicken whore.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Hell yeah, shove a fucking skewer in me.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Bugger.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Show you a bugger.

• 8:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, you show me a bugger.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  Right in your dark meat.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  See, that's where, that's where it comes. You need a name, because I'm just chicken.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  You need a, you need a name that is appropriate. Are you, wait, now, hold on.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  Are you a, are you a, a witch, a ghoul, a goblin, a, a troll?

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Um, you know, I think that, uh...

• 8:45Speaker 03

  I got a name for you. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Topical.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  I just spit in my mask. And now I can feel it.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Okay, so what's your name? What are you?

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Um, that's a great question. Are you asking me like my pronouns right now?

• 9:04Speaker 03

  I absolutely am. I want to respect whatever your pronouns are.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Okay. Is it giving woman?

• 9:10Speaker 03

  It's giving terrifying.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's giving scarce. What? I meant it's giving scary.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  It's giving scary.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  I'll say that, you know, I'm kind of like a... It?

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Is that a pronoun?

• 9:23Speaker 03

  So you're, you're, you're genderless?

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm gender-

• 9:27Speaker 03

  Gender fluid!

• 9:27Speaker 02

  I'm like, I'm like Ditto from Pokemon.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  But not... But not that, though.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  But what I ca- what can I... But I'm genderless.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  I'm unisex.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Yeah!

• 9:40Speaker 02

  I'm unisex.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  Unisex.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Like shampoo's.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Sex.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  Um, and Ant, just to be very clear.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  You are Leonardo the Ninja Turtle.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  I am Leonardo the Ninja Turtle.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Hey, Ant.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Really depends on how we color grade this, because you could get in a lot of trouble. That's a little bit of a dark grade.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, you know what?

• 10:04Speaker 02

  We're getting close, Ant!

• 10:05Speaker 03

  Now that I'm thinking about whoever's editing this.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  We're getting close, Ant!

• 10:08Speaker 03

  They got the power in their hands.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz they could really turn that into something that'd make you look like a little racer with their hands.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Uh-huh, yeah.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  You know, and we don't, we don't sup- we don't like that.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  We don't any of it.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Support or like, yeah.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. I did... I'm just glad that you have the goggles. What are you doing?

• 10:29Speaker 03

  It's a domino mask, Joey.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  What does that mean?

• 10:31Speaker 03

  It's, that's what it's called, a domino mask.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Wait, the Ninja Turtles were wearing domino masks?

• 10:35Speaker 03

  That's what they're called, domino masks.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  Are those like... You know, those are like the rich horny masks?

• 10:41Speaker 03

  No, those are the ones that have like the wings on them.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  They have like a stick.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  And they got a stick cuz they can move it and be like, "I'm a slut, and I'm a dirty mask slut."

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Why do- Why do rich people go to parties like that?

• 10:54Speaker 03

  I don't know. You know how miserable a party has to be for me to want to hold up a mask to my face the whole time?

• 11:00Speaker 02

  I would wanna wear a mask instead of holding one, yeah.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  I hate the ones that have like the, I'm sorry, but like the long like curled noses and shit.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Hey!

• 11:10Speaker 02

  I'm right here. I'm right here.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  Fuck the, fuck those noses! I hate them! No, but like, you know which ones I'm talking about.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Are you talking about like, the old, uh...

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Like, the old, like, pandemic masks?

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think those are cool!

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Nah, fuck them.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  What are those supposed to do?

• 11:28Speaker 03

  I think the idea was like, there was, you could breathe, but like, it, like, it was a long way from the breathing to your nose, so like, on the way, the germs would go away.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  That can't be right.

• 11:41Speaker 03

  I know. It's I have to talk.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Watching you eat is fucking great. I just laughed so hard that I got dizzy.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  It could be, it could be the fumes.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  I see, yeah, well, I can't breathe out of my nose.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  Because. And also, like, this smells like a, like a raw dick. Like a chicken cutlet dick. You know what I mean?

• 12:11Speaker 03

  Nope.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Right. Like a, like a, like, here's what I mean.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  Like Party City during Halloween time.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  Um, sure.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  Like, just like latex and sweat and fucking cock.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  You know what it smells like? Wet, white people.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  Ew!

• 12:31Speaker 03

  That's disgusting.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  That's what it feels like.

• 12:33Speaker 03

  Like a water park where like, just the trashiest white people you know go all the time.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Frank, you love water parks. You love them.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  Guilty as per trashed!

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Remember when we went to a water park and you got a tattoo of your nickname across your chest?

• 12:57Speaker 03

  Certain, certain stories are meant to be dead and buried and left there, okay?

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Ate a lot of churros that day and got a fever, also.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  I mean, yes, aunt.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  What was the nickname? Fax. No, by the way, he gave his nickname to himself.

• 13:12Speaker 03

  Hold on, Joe Mudd. You used to do the same shit.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  That's called a screen name.

• 13:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, so was mine. Mine was my screen name, but you actually would write like, Joe Mudd in your big fucking bubbly letters all over your fucking notebook.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Frank, you're the one who got in trouble for the bubble letters. You have a, you, you have a selective memory here.

• 13:29Speaker 03

  I don't have a selective memory!

• 13:33Speaker 03

  I'm being honest, I have a memory, you have none.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  I have a memory, I've remembered.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  You remember what you select to remember. I remember everything. It is the burden I must bear.

• 13:43Speaker 02

  I bet it is, chicken man.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  It is, it is. Yes, we went to Splish Splash, which was, or is, I don't know if it's still open.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  In Riverhead, yeah.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  A popular water park on Long Island. Yes, it sounds like the worst place on the planet because it's a water park on Long Island. Yes, my nickname and tag at the time was Fax Two.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  What happened to Fax, the regular? You moved on.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  It wasn't even two, it was squared, so it was technically Fax Fax.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  Right, right, right, right.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  And I decided to get a chest, a henna, semi-permanent chest tattoo.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  Right, a henna.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Across my chest that said Fax Two.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Right.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  In old timey, old English, like New York Times letters.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  And then you ate a churro.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  And probably a couple of hot dogs.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely that.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  Sounds like a day, dude.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  I mean, that is a day, that's what Splish Splash is, you know, you pull up, you get in there, you have a churro, you got a fucking, you know.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  And you leave with a sinus infection.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  So you're in the wave pool, and then you see a kid in a diaper, and you're like, I'm gonna pay for this later. And then you fucking get home, and you have a sinus infection.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  Yup.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  You get an ear infection.

• 14:52Speaker 03

  Yup.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  But you had a good time during the park.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  All those places also have like, custom, like, mini pizza restaurants. You know what I'm talking about? Like, it's like a restaurant where you can get like, a personal pie of pizza, and it's just the hottest thing on the planet.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  Such a specific memory.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  It's just, it's just the hottest piece of pizza you've ever had in your entire life, and you have to let it cool down.

• 15:16Speaker 02

  You know what I kinda? It's the most uninteresting story ever.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  You should do like, a seriously, like, a scary thing. Like, look at the camera.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  See.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  And be like, "I'm gonna get you," or say something spooky so someone could use it as a clip.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  No.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Please?

• 15:43Speaker 02

  Hide your cocks.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  The cock gobbler is coming for you. I don't wanna be the cock gobbler.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  You just said hide your cocks.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I meant, I got confused is what happened.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Confused? Alright, so what's your name?

• 15:58Speaker 02

  I don't need a name!

• 15:59Speaker 03

  Yes, you do.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Not everything needs to be named!

• 16:01Speaker 03

  It does!

• 16:02Speaker 02

  No, it doesn't.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  It needs a name!

• 16:04Speaker 02

  It doesn't need a name!

• 16:05Speaker 03

  I think you should be shalas.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  Shalas?

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Yes!

• 16:09Speaker 02

  What does that mean?

• 16:10Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Right.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  It just sounds ancient evil.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  I know.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Like scrotum.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  Scrotum? I see what you're doing there.

• 16:19Speaker 03

  Yeah. Hey, he does look like a nutsack, let's be honest. A nutsack that's been freshly dragged through soot.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Frank, if your nutsack looks like this, we're gonna talk about a doctor's appointment after this. Alright?

• 16:30Speaker 03

  Uh, Ant?

• 16:31Speaker 02

  And if your nutsack looks like that, you're fired.

• 16:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, you gotta have good nutsacks to work here.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. I check everyone's nutsacks. Let me see, the cock gobbler needs to see your nutsack. I am not a cock gobbler.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  You were the one that said you gobble cocks.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  You're the...

• 16:48Speaker 03

  I never said that!

• 16:50Speaker 02

  You gobble them! No, you're the bukkake chicken. Or whatever.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  Oh! Bukkake! That's my name. I'm Frank the bukkaking chicken.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Oh my god, this is insane.

• 17:01Speaker 03

  Before, when I was in the makeup chair.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Yup.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  You guys insinuated that there is a line for how many clucks I elicit.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  Frank, we're well past the line.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  Really?

• 17:16Speaker 02

  I mean, well, we're only, you know, a couple of minutes in here, well, you're gonna blow the roof off.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  We're at sixteen so far.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  Sixteen clucks?

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  What, I mean...

• 17:26Speaker 02

  We're not gonna tell you what it was.

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  It can't, yeah.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  I imagine that the line...

• 17:29Speaker 02

  You haven't passed it.

• 17:31Speaker 03

  The line is, I'm gonna say twenty-one point five.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  There's no way I would, like, I mean, I would take the over on that. Like, easily. We knew you were gonna bukkak.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Well, when a chicken...

• 17:45Speaker 03

  You be a chicken. Right?

• 17:48Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  I commit to the fucking bit.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Are you gonna do something like Ninja Turtle-y?

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Like, do a flip?

• 17:55Speaker 02

  Can you flip?

• 17:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  I cannot flip.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Can you do a cartwheel? You strike me as someone who could like, do an athletic thing.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, baby. Can you do a cartwheel?

• 18:03Speaker 01

  I can do a cartwheel.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  Let's see it.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  No, you can't.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  Let's see it. Do a Ninja Turtle cartwheel.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  I used to be able to do a cartwheel, I guess.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  How long ago?

• 18:10Speaker 01

  Seven minutes.

• 18:12Speaker 03

  What?

• 18:12Speaker 02

  Am I, is, does he think we're dumb?

• 18:14Speaker 03

  He does. Please do a cartwheel.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  I can't do a cartwheel.

• 18:18Speaker 03

  Why?

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Can you do a, you know that, what's that thing where you lay on the ground, you get up real cool?

• 18:21Speaker 03

  Oh, kip up.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  Definitely cannot do that.

• 18:23Speaker 03

  Damn. I did one once in high school.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  No one believes that.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  What?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Nobody believes that.

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Why, why would I make that? If I was gonna do it.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  I'll tell you why!

• 18:33Speaker 03

  Why?

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Because you're always making up stuff when you're...

• 18:38Speaker 03

  See, I don't like that. I am not making up shit. I just remember shit and you don't fucking, you don't remember it, so you think it's just a lie.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  I, oh, I remember, I was in my room and it was so cool. I did it and no one was there to see it.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  No, I did it in, I did it in gym class. And, our...

• 18:52Speaker 02

  It's always gym class.

• 18:54Speaker 03

  Well, that's where I was dared to do it.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Dared?

• 18:57Speaker 03

  There were people...

• 18:57Speaker 02

  Whoa, dare devil! Stand up real cool!

• 19:01Speaker 03

  Fucking idiot over here.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  I could probably get pretty close to doing one now, but I'm not gonna, cause I got all this on. Maybe after, I take it off. But do a cartwheel, dude.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  I, I don't want you to, cause you'll break your arm, I think.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  No, it'll just look awful.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  What?

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Probably.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  Keith broke his arm doing a cartwheel once.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Keith has told us he's broken every bone in his body.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  He has said that and it's so not true. But he has broken his nose, he broke his neck.

• 19:31Speaker 03

  He broke his arm, he broke his neck. I know those two for sure.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  I know he's broken his nose.

• 19:36Speaker 03

  Okay, that's, that's three bones of the two hundred and six.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, like...

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Fully breaking your neck is a crazy move.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Yo, crazy that he broke his neck.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  Dude, and he played football with it.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  He broke his neck, went to the doctor and they're like, oh, it's probably whiplash. So he wore, like, he didn't have like a neck brace on and like lived for another couple of days with a broken neck.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  He lived for several more years. He's still alive. Just so, just so we're all on the same page.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  I meant like he walked around without a neck brace on and then finally went back to a different doctor and they're like, your shit is broken, my guy.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was pretty nuts.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  And then he...

• 20:10Speaker 02

  He wore a neck brace. That was when the Giants won their Super Bowl.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  So we went to the parade and there was a bunch of drunk people around, whatever. We were mad young. And Keith's got a neck brace on and all of a sudden, some guy looks at him and he goes, "This kid broke his neck to be here!" And the whole sidewalk was like, "Yeah!" Went fucking crazy, dude. It was awesome.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Dude, do you remember us throwing people in the air at the Yankees parade?

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  That was fun.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  No one was safe from being thrown.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  No one. We were literally, like, you ever seen in like the shows where like people will get together and they're like, "Huh, two!" And they throw them in the air. There was like fifteen seventeen-year-olds doing that. And we were tossing people like fifteen feet in the air.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  It was...

• 20:53Speaker 03

  It was a fun time.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  You know, that was back in the day.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  Back in the day when kids could be kids and, and we had a good time and none of this hyper-left-wing woke. Woke didn't exist.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  I love that you're turning into like drunk Uncle Chicken.

• 21:11Speaker 03

  Drunk Uncle, I'm turning into what Foghorn Leghorn is.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:14Speaker 03

  Woke? I say, I say woke is a men- it is a menace to society. I say, I say, I say the libs are trying to poison our youth.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  This is freaking me out. Honestly. It's freaking me out.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  I say, I say, if you believe Biden won that election, you're part of the problem. Problem. I should just commit to being Foghorn Leghorn.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  A racist cartoon chicken.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Is he racist?

• 21:44Speaker 03

  Close enough.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  What is close enough?

• 21:48Speaker 02

  I, I, I'm not...

• 21:49Speaker 03

  He's a chicken from like fucking Florida. You're gonna tell me he doesn't have a racist bone in his body?

• 21:54Speaker 02

  He's from Florida.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Maybe. I might have made that up.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  That's a big detail.

• 22:00Speaker 03

  He's southern.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  So all southern people are racist?

• 22:03Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, but there's some stuff. Have you seen some of the old Looney Tunes cartoons?

• 22:09Speaker 02

  No, I didn't see them when I was younger.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  There's some stuff in there, brother.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Why are you watching cartoons from the twenties?

• 22:16Speaker 03

  I put them on for the kids.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Nineteen twenties cartoons?

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's cool. I like to show it to them and be like, this was, they came out before your grandfather was born.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  So if I walk into your house, your children are watching black and white cartoons?

• 22:27Speaker 03

  Sometimes, uh... But those are, there are some good ones. There are some ones that are just overtly racist.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  So you are showing them those?

• 22:36Speaker 03

  No, those are, they don't exist anymore. And I wouldn't show them if they were available.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're showing them.

• 22:41Speaker 03

  Just to be very clear.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  You're indoctrinating your children, isn't it?

• 22:43Speaker 03

  I absolutely am not. I say, I say, I show them in the good old times. That's what Foghorn Leghorn would do.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  What a name. Foghorn Leghorn. Were we hammered coming up with that name?

• 22:56Speaker 03

  We weren't hammered. We didn't come up with it.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  I know, some...

• 22:59Speaker 03

  It was...

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Thanks for letting me know that.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  It was Mr. Looney Tune.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  Who is that?

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Who made the Looney Tunes? Mel Blanc?

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Who's that?

• 23:08Speaker 01

  If you're right about that...

• 23:11Speaker 03

  I know Mel Blanc was the na- he was the voice of, uh, of Bugs Bunny.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Mel Blanc sounds like a liquor.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  And they were probably all drunk.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Hugh Harmon and Rudolph Is- Ising?

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Oh my god, a guy named Rudolph? By the way, if your name's Rudolph, guys, pack it in. Your name's Rudolph. Like, you're named after the deer.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  That's so interesting that you say that, because you just had dinner with Giuliani.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  That's not even a good joke. Is he, oh, his name is Rudolph?

• 23:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  But still.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, that name sucks.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Rudolph.

• 23:47Speaker 03

  I know.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  Bottom five.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  I haven't spoken to him in a while, but I know a Rudolph.

• 23:50Speaker 02

  Do you?

• 23:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Call him Rudy?

• 23:52Speaker 03

  People called him Rudy, yeah.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  You can't call him Rudolph. Yo, naming your, a baby Rudolph is bananas.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  I mean, all names are crazy, if you think about it.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  You can't call him Dolph either.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Who?

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Dolphie. Yeah, you can call him Dolphie.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  No, because people are gonna think his name is Adolf.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  No, because then you'd call him Addie.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Well, I wouldn't do that either.

• 24:16Speaker 03

  Well, I just wouldn't name him Adolf.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  What's like a really, what's like the top five worst baby names?

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Rudolph is up there.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Rudolph gotta be up there.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  Gertrude.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Okay, let's just do men first.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Okay, Rudolph, Kevin.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Kevin?

• 24:33Speaker 03

  Kevin.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  I feel like it's neutral. It's not horrible.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  But it's so neutral that like it, it, it has no bearing on a, on a, on a name.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  Can you Google that? Top fi- top five worst boy names? I'm trying to think of like an old, oh, like a...

• 24:49Speaker 04

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• 25:18Speaker 03

  Anthony.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  I was close to a lot of things with my name.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  No, Anthony. I, I know that there are people that have named their kids Anthony. I know, but I'm saying like...

• 25:30Speaker 02

  I think, uh, I'm not a big fan of Eugene.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, Eugene sucks.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Eugene?

• 25:38Speaker 03

  Eustace.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  Oh my god, Eustace.

• 25:41Speaker 03

  Eustace sucks.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  That's a, that's an old skinny man's name.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  That's an old skinny southern man.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  With that hat, with a Kangol, not a Kangol.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  You're just, you're just talking about the guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog at this point, yeah.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  I am thinking about that, yeah. You just moved your hand and a piece of popcorn flew out.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  So we have a lot of fun with this episode.

• 26:15Speaker 02

  What do you got?

• 26:16Speaker 01

  They're just so ridiculous and...

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Gimme.

• 26:18Speaker 01

  It's like Colin, felony, but it's spelled PH.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  Are we in a place where we could do like?

• 26:24Speaker 02

  Colin.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  Colin would be a shitty name.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Colin Powell!

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Colin, you idiot.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  This might be Colin, actually.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Colin Powell, wait, his name's not Colin?

• 26:45Speaker 03

  It was Colin, I think he's dead, right?

• 26:48Speaker 02

  Bro, is it not Colin?

• 26:50Speaker 03

  No, it's Colin!

• 26:51Speaker 02

  I, I went my entire life calling him Colin Powell.

• 26:54Speaker 03

  You're fucking mean!

• 26:56Speaker 02

  I, I didn't know his name was Colin!

• 26:59Speaker 03

  Dude, he was in the news for several years, you should know it's Colin Powell.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Colin Powell.

• 27:04Speaker 03

  Wait, now, hold on, now I'm saying it and it doesn't sound right.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Look up Colin Powell.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Colin Powell, pronunciation?

• 27:11Speaker 03

  What?

• 27:11Speaker 02

  Just look at his name!

• 27:12Speaker 03

  The, the, the requests that we've had for you to Google so far have been out of control.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  It's Colin!

• 27:17Speaker 01

  It's C.O.L.I.N., that's Colin, I think.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, that is, that is blatantly Colin, and I am blatantly wrong there. Um, that's good. Well, I thought his name was Colin.

• 27:28Speaker 03

  You were wrong!

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Thank god I didn't meet him, I'd be like, "How you doing, Colin?"

• 27:31Speaker 03

  No, you wouldn't even, you'd go first name when you meet him, "Mr. Powell." And he'd say, "Please, call me Colin."

• 27:37Speaker 02

  And you'd say, "Please, call me Colin?", which would be crazy. "Please, please, call me Colin."

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Are we moving into a place where like, modern, like, boy names, like, Jackson? And, uh, stuff like that? Do those suck yet?

• 27:54Speaker 01

  That's on one of these, Jacks- Jackson and Braxton?

• 27:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know a Braxton.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  I don't hate Braxton.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  I don't like, I, I, I don't mind it, I like Braxton, I think it's nice, because of Tony.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  Tony Braxton.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Tony Braxton.

• 28:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  I mean, you can't go wrong.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  Todd is on here.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Yeah!

• 28:09Speaker 02

  Todd.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Todd!

• 28:11Speaker 02

  You know what I don't love? Fred.

• 28:14Speaker 03

  But it's shortened for Frederick. Like, Todd, what does Todd stand for, short for, Todd, Todd, Todman?

• 28:21Speaker 02

  That ain't it.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Todd, Todd-er, Todrick?

• 28:25Speaker 01

  Todsworth?

• 28:26Speaker 03

  Todsworth?

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Our names are also, well, your name's not Frank, but like, Frank and Joe is like...

• 28:31Speaker 03

  I mean, but Joseph is biblical, people will give you a pass. Francisco, I think it's a great name, I love my name, I like Francisco, thank you.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  Francis is bad.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, Franklin sucks nuts too.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Oh, there's a dog in my building named Franklin and I like it for dogs.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Just like, I like the name George for dog.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  I agree, George, Georgie.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  Albert, Albert for like a fat dog. That I like.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm okay with it. Um, trying to think of other just miserable boy names.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  What about girl names?

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Well, we went Gertrude sucks. Uh. Beth.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  Beth.

• 29:14Speaker 03

  Right? Beth? How do we feel about Beth? Ants like really staying quiet because he doesn't want to offend anyone who has these names.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Is that your mom's? What's your mom's name?

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Kim.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  I like, I like Kim.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  It's just a cla- that's like a classy white woman.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  I like Elizabeth.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Elizabeth.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  What about Ruth?

• 29:36Speaker 02

  What's how my chicken thinks? I, Ruth? The jury's out on Ruth.

• 29:42Speaker 03

  I need to meet a bad Ruth to make me hate it? And I don't think I've ever met a good Ruth.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  I'm thinking of Red though. Like a red haired Ruth.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  Ruth, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see that. What about Dorothy?

• 29:55Speaker 02

  I kinda like it.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Dot, that's the nickname, Dot.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  I kinda fuck with that.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  I kinda fuck with Dot.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Dot's sick.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Dot, Dottie.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  That's old Dottie over there. Who? Dot!

• 30:06Speaker 02

  Dot's a sick name.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  I knew an old bag named Dot back in the day.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Really?

• 30:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  I never knew a Dot. I knew old bags.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Never knew a Dot.

• 30:16Speaker 02

  My, my grandma's name is Catherine. She was an old bag.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  That's an old bag. My grandmother was Gloria. I like Gloria a lot as a name.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Gloria's an old woman's name.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  There's like that like golden era of names that's coming back, like.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  Barbara.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  Barbara, Gloria, Ruby is kind of of that time. Pearl, I love Pearl.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  Ooh, I kinda like Pearl. Rose?

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Ooh, I like Rose.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  An honorable mention for bad names, you have to throw Karen in there now, right?

• 30:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, Karen.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a tough one.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  If it's 2025 and you're naming your child Karen, you know what you're doing.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  You know what's a, you know what's an unfortunate one too? Carol.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  I don't mind Carol.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  I don't like it.

• 30:52Speaker 03

  I like Carol because it reminds me of Christmas.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Christmas Carol. Have you ever gone caroling?

• 30:58Speaker 03

  I, I don't think so.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  Have you caroled?

• 31:00Speaker 03

  No.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  I went caroling once.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  And?

• 31:04Speaker 02

  And nothing happened. I will say that-

• 31:06Speaker 03

  What did you sing? Like the religious Christmas songs or the fun ones?

• 31:08Speaker 02

  Uh, we sang, well, it wasn't a real caroling. I was at, um, I was at Nappy's house. We were like in 7th grade. And like a bunch of us just went because we thought it'd be funny. And we just like rang his neighbors, like on his block, all their doorbells and we would sing Christmas songs, but we don't know all the lyrics to them.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Hysterical.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  We were s- I knew whatever I said you would say that because you're a mean chicken.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  And I'm gonna spatchcock ya.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:37Speaker 03

  I'm sweating.

• 31:38Speaker 02

  Are you?

• 31:38Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Oh, I mean, you're wearing a, uh, I mean, you know.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  Well, I'm in a jacket and about 40 pounds of makeup and glue.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're in a, I mean, all the feathers.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  The feathers!

• 31:48Speaker 02

  The feathers!

• 31:48Speaker 03

  The feathers are not helping.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:51Speaker 03

  What are you gonna do about it?

• 31:52Speaker 02

  You wanna say something like, with the begock at the end of it? Just give me some, just give me one good begock.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  Like you want me to just let a begock fly or do you want me-

• 32:01Speaker 02

  Just, just fucking rip one.

• 32:03Speaker 03

  Just fucking-

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Rip a begock.

• 32:04Speaker 03

  Rip and fucking dip, right?

• 32:09Speaker 03

  It's like, please move the camera, uh, the mic back.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  Just rip a good one and like look up and do it.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Ah!

• 32:24Speaker 02

  How much time do you spend around chickens that you're able to do that?

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Dude, I'm a good chicken. I'm a funky chicken, baby.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  You are a good chicken. Anyway, we have some sponsors for today. I'm gonna try and read these as best I can- Don't do that. I'm gonna do it through the ad. Please don't. I'm gonna do it. Alright, I'll try not to laugh. Alright. Don't do a lot of it. Okay. Also have to get these up. Alright, this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I almost broke my nail. Uh, this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is gonna be the website where it's gonna help you build your website. Because your website is your first impression. So whether you have an ecommerce business, or you're selling stuff on this thing, or you're making content and you just want it to be, you know, a good website, it's gonna be your first impression. People are gonna go there and they're gonna be like, "Hey, is this guy for real or not?" Alright? So, uh, you're gonna wanna go to Squarespace.com/basement

• 33:16Speaker 02

  and you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website and domain. And why are you gonna go to Squarespace? Because in my opinion, they are the best platform to build your website. They make it very easy with their templates. Uh, you know, you could have a professional-looking website in just an afternoon, depending on how much time you wanna spend on, you know, uh, doing that. But they make it very easy. They also have a lot of tools to help you, uh, find out where your traffic is coming from and, you know, in the most optimal way possible, uh, you know, help you out. Where am I gonna spend more marketing money or whatever that? So go to Squarespace.com/basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain with that code basement, alright? You're welcome. And we also have... It's hard to type. It's hard to type.

• 34:01Speaker 02

  Uh, we have Squ... uh, fu... sorry. We have Wayfair, okay? Wayfair, they got everything, okay? Chances are if you're out there and you have an apartment or a house that you've had to furnish, you got a piece of Wayfair in your, uh, in your house or apartment, alright? Uh, they got everything there and it's the, it's the, uh, holidays. You can shop for holiday decor for every room in the house. It's all furniture and stuff like that. Um, but there's something for every style and every home, no matter your space or your budget. They make it easy to tackle your home goals this holiday season with endless inspiration for every space and budget. So, if you wanna spice up your apartment or your house or your, wherever you are, uh, you can use, uh, Wayfair to do that, okay? So get organized, refreshed, and ready for the holidays for way less.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That is W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com, alright? Go get yourself something from Wayfair. They got rugs, they got lamps, they got, uh, beds, furniture, storage, whatever you need, they got you at Wayfair.com. Go enjoy that.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Yep, and you know what? If you want to spruce up your home and a website, or whatever you're gonna be doing with your time, you know what else you could spruce up? Your brain, your heart, your funny bone, by going to patreon.com/thebasementyard. I tell you about it every single week, and it's the best way to support us here at Santa Gato Studios and at The Basement Yard. Go to patreon.com/thebasementyard. Take a look. Take a look around. Maybe you'll find something. You never know what's in there. And if you sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you could start and end your week with The Basement Yard. So, do yourself the favor. You want to save yourself a couple money while signing up, go to www.patreon.com/thebasementyard

• 35:51Speaker 03

  on a web browser and sign up there. If you use a smart app, it's going to take extra money from you, okay? So go check it out. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Thank you, guys, for getting us to over 34,000, maybe closer to 35,000. I'm not even sure. I haven't seen the number lately. But we love you, we appreciate you. Thank you. And, we're almost done with our shows. But if you're coming to any of our shows, go to thebasementyard.com/submit and submit responses to our questionnaire, okay? Some of the episode, a portion of the show, we like to be interactive. We talk to you, about you, with you. If you've got cool, crazy, funny stories, there are some of our favorite parts of the shows. We want you to be a part of them. So go to thebasementyard.com/submit. Let us know what shows are left that you're coming to. There's not much. And submit a story, an answer. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be a good time.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  We love you, we miss you, we're excited to see you. And.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  And.

• 36:41Speaker 03

  I...

• 36:45Speaker 03

  In the interest of spooky season, I wrote a scary story.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Oh, God, for the mother of God.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  I wrote a scary story that's gonna send shivers down your spine, Joey.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  And it's going to stick with you for all eternity. I'm sweating.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. Are you, you're pitting? Your armpits are a little brown, which is concerning.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Why is that concerning?

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Why would that be brown?

• 37:16Speaker 03

  It was a sweat. All right. I'm gonna take off my cloth.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  So.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  They're talons, I think.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Thank you. Counting that as two.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  Um, so I wrote a scary story to send shivers down your spine because I know that it's the season and Joey loves spooky things, so I wrote a story tailored to-

• 37:41Speaker 02

  Frankie, you literally just said the same thing five times. You wrote a spooky story.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Meant to scare you. Are you ready?

• 37:52Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  Try not to be scared.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  I have a feeling this isn't gonna be not scary at all.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  It was a muggy day in the swamps of Florida.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Oh god.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Joe was staying at a motel.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  I don't like this at all. I don't like this at all.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  With Charlie, and he knew it was time to start his day.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  Wait, what? Your scary story is me in a motel in Florida?

• 38:23Speaker 03

  It's very muggy.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  Oh, right.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  He opened his door, he opened his phone, and he wanted a DoorDash coffee, but ahh! His phone was dead.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Is this gonna, okay.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  So, Joe had to step outside in 95 degree humidity and bring Charlie on a walk to get coffee.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  That's not how humidity is measured.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  95 degrees, 95% humidity. Are you scared yet?

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Is this the whole, it's gonna keep being mundane things that I are mildly inconveniencing?

• 39:13Speaker 03

  As Joe steps outside, he's hit immediately with the scariest thing he could experience, a level 14 on the UV index, ahh!

• 39:24Speaker 02

  What'd you say?

• 39:24Speaker 03

  Level 14 on the UV index?

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, I see.

• 39:27Speaker 03

  That is pretty scary.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  Is that even possible?

• 39:29Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  That would be scary.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  Joe panics.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:35Speaker 03

  The fear sets in. He forgot his hipster Brooklyn hat that has a picture of a llama on it. He runs, he grabs his sunscreen, but oh, oh no, it's empty.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  My sunscreen's empty?

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  So far.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  I'm in Florida taking my dog to go get coffee and the sun's out.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  So now

• 40:03Speaker 03

  So now Joe has to venture out into public.

• 40:12Speaker 03

  And find a coffee shop, but ah! It's not a local, small business, it's a Starbucks!

• 40:20Speaker 02

  That would be scary. I don't like Starbucks.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  I know, that's why I put it in here.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  Joe, in an instant, just asked for coffee and was handed an iced coffee for his travel.

• 40:34Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  Joe, while on his walk, takes four sips.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Thank you for doing the sounds.

• 40:49Speaker 03

  But oh no! After his fourth sip, he begins to feel a rumbling in his tummy.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  Oh, this is gonna start with pooping my pants. This is what's gonna happen.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Joe, he looks at the cup, and Charlie begs to find a tree to piss on, and then Joe realizes his worst nightmare has come true. Oh no! He was handed a Nitro Cold Brew with whole milk!

• 41:22Speaker 02

  In what state do you have to be in to write something like this?

• 41:35Speaker 03

  Joe's IBS begins to flare up and he's running with Charlie.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  You don't have IBS.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  Charlie is shitting uncontrollably and then there are hissing cops.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  Why is the dog shitting?

• 41:47Speaker 02

  Why is the dog shitting uncontrollably?

• 41:49Speaker 03

  Because it's a nightmare.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:52Speaker 03

  And he does, even during the day, too. You're talking shit all the time. Charlie shitting uncontrollably and then hissing cockroaches fall out of his butt.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  Whose butt?

• 42:03Speaker 03

  Charlie's.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  That's scary.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  That is, right?

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  I tried to write this thinking of what you are afraid of and the...

• 42:12Speaker 03

  What your dreams are normally like.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  What I'm gathering is that you don't know me at all.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  And there's more, Joey.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  I bet there is.

• 42:18Speaker 03

  The cockroaches are crawling up Joe's white, pasty legs, which are beginning to get sun kissed.

• 42:26Speaker 02

  I feel like the adjectives weren't needed. White, pasty?

• 42:32Speaker 03

  However, with just enough time to spare, Joe finds a dun dun dun... Public bathroom!

• 42:40Speaker 02

  This is a nightmare now. I think I've probably had this nightmare where I-

• 42:44Speaker 03

  With no stall!

• 42:47Speaker 02

  What would be in there?

• 42:49Speaker 03

  Oh, just a urinal!

• 42:52Speaker 02

  Well, I can't, I'm not gonna shit in a urinal. Unless I was alone and desperate.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  You are. Did you not hear about your IBS flaring up?

• 43:00Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 43:02Speaker 03

  Joe enters, clutching his Tiffany-stamped Patek Philippe.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  I wish. This is no longer a nightmare.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  This is a dream now.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  He sits on the rusted toilet seat and feels the rust scrape against his bottom.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  Why'd you get British at the end of that? His bottom.

• 43:24Speaker 03

  As on the toilet seat, he begins to relieve himself and takes his phone out of his pocket.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  It wasn't dead.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 43:34Speaker 03

  It turned on.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  That's sad.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  He stares at his phone and sees several missed calls from his financial planner. Uh-oh! He listens to a voicemail and he hears... Bitcoin is tanked!

• 43:51Speaker 02

  I don't have that much Bitcoin.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  Ethereum!

• 43:55Speaker 02

  Well, I don't have that much crypto. I mean, I have a decent amount of crypto.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  It's tanked!

• 43:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  And all of his watches are fake!

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Now we're back in the nightmare. Now we're back in the nightmare. Wait, the Patek Philippe was fake?

• 44:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  No!

• 44:11Speaker 03

  A cold sweat comes over Joe. He now realizes that the market has crashed and he is in potential financial ruin.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Joe gets up. No toilet paper. He runs as fast as he can, sprinting! And he looks down to see he's wearing no pants and has crapped himself all over again.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Wh- wh- where are we going?

• 44:37Speaker 02

  With this part?

• 44:39Speaker 03

  But as Joe is running, he realizes he's not running fast at all. He's moving in slow motion. And now, the worst part of his nightmare has come true. He has lost the ability to run!

• 44:58Speaker 02

  At this point, I'm very confused.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  Now sweaty and sunburnt.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  How is there more? How, how? Frankie. How is there that much?

• 45:09Speaker 03

  Joe is covered in shit.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  Right.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  And has to make it home for the F1 big race.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  A quick change of clothes is required. But the only place available that's open is a thrift store!

• 45:28Speaker 02

  I've shopped at thrift stores.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  He opens the door to the thrift store to see that there's a mannequin with only three clothing items available.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  This should be good.

• 45:36Speaker 03

  One, a minor league baseball hat.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  Well...

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Two, a loud patterned shirt.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  This feels like a fantasy of yours now.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  And three, the scariest item of all, cargo shorts!

• 45:53Speaker 02

  Oh, so it's a combo between the two of you.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  He must accept that he has to become what has always scared him.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  A person who wears clothings that aren't minimalistic in design.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  You almost lost your hat.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  Is that the end of it? It's still going. Okay.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  Joe used his credit card to buy his clothes and he's maxed it out because he's in financial

• 46:28Speaker 02

  Oh, because, yep, the market.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  Now, finally, he's heading home. Phew. He avoided a real nightmare and disaster.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  Which did I avoid?

• 46:43Speaker 03

  Joe gets back to his place with Charlie, who has sprayed shit the whole way home.

• 46:48Speaker 02

  Thank you for adding that.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  And he finds a room of smiling kids as he opens the door.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  That's terrifying. And seemingly very illegally ill.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  They hand him an espresso martini, but oh no, it tastes like it's been pre-made.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  And with cold brew coffee again.

• 47:10Speaker 02

  Oh, now we're back.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Joe has to kick the kids out, but more and more of them keep arriving. He doesn't know where they're coming from. He doesn't know what to do.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  Finally, he turns on ESPN and the big F1 race is starting.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 47:30Speaker 03

  One by one, the room gets more crowded with creepy smiling kids. But Joe stares at the TV to avoid eye contact.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  But oh no. The cars can't drive fast.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  I'm gonna wait.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  You just tip your cap?

• 48:01Speaker 03

  The F1 cars can't drive fast anymore. What's he gonna do? How is he going to be happy? When will this nightmare end? He thinks maybe ordering food will help.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  Frank, how is there more to this story? This is way too long. There's not that much more. How much is it? How much is left?

• 48:21Speaker 03

  We're on the last couple of sentences.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  He thinks ordering food will help, but his chicken wings turn into little buffalo flavored penises. He chews on them.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  What?

• 48:34Speaker 03

  That's it. Joe's had enough. He's too terrified. He knows that leaving the room will stop this nightmare, but in order to leave the room, he needs to say bye to every person in the room!

• 48:49Speaker 02

  I can't Irish exit.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  You can't Irish.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  That's the... Is that where it ended?

• 48:54Speaker 03

  The end.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  That's where it ended. Got it. When did you write that? I want to know about the setting in which...

• 49:03Speaker 03

  I have a lot of time to myself to think

• 49:07Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 49:08Speaker 03

  on my car rides to and from. And let's just say that the creative juices were flowing the other day.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  And, uh, I thought, what could be the scariest scenarios that I could put you in?

• 49:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 49:23Speaker 03

  Having cold brew coffee with whole milk from Starbucks. Terrifying.

• 49:27Speaker 02

  Why is that terrifying? I mean, the cold brew-

• 49:29Speaker 03

  You tell me, I mean-

• 49:30Speaker 02

  The cold brew would just make my heart go crazy.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  Yeah. Uh, having a not-Irish exit.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  We don't have to go through all of them. I understand what you're getting at.

• 49:40Speaker 03

  You got it, you got it. I wrote down other things that scare you too. Having to wait in the general TSA security line.

• 49:47Speaker 02

  The general line?

• 49:48Speaker 03

  Having no pre-check, ooh.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  At this point, that would be very scary, yeah.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  I just, I thought I could make something that would really scare the tits off you.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  Well, I'm, just color me Taylor, Ta- Ta-

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Color you Taylor S-? Was that scary? Shar- Sharasta? What's your name?

• 50:05Speaker 02

  How do you tell me? You said that earlier.

• 50:08Speaker 03

  Did you like it?

• 50:09Speaker 02

  I hated that. Absolutely hated that.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  Why?

• 50:13Speaker 02

  A child handing me an espresso martini.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  It's been pre-made.

• 50:17Speaker 02

  It's pre-made.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  That was actually the first thing I thought of, uh, the only thing, was like, if a child came up to my door and offered me an espresso martini-

• 50:25Speaker 02

  First of all, they're in my house, apparently, right?

• 50:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Right.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  I just meant in life, like, in real life.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  If a child offered me an espresso martini at my front door, would I take it?

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Yes, you would.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  Stop lying.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  What is "I don't know"? The answer is certainly no!

• 50:38Speaker 03

  I would not. I with confidence can say no. Can you?

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Maybe if they take a sip first?

• 50:44Speaker 02

  I'm not worried about them poisoning me. I'm worried about this Chinese

• 50:47Speaker 03

  So you not only want to accept an alcoholic drink from a child, you want them to consume it in front of you?

• 50:52Speaker 01

  That's a good catch.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  You're adding, you're adding crime.

• 50:55Speaker 03

  You're adding criminal elements.

• 50:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  I think I'd take it. Just so they don't have it, obviously. It's like a Samaritan. Yeah, I'm a hero.

• 51:02Speaker 02

  Got it.

• 51:03Speaker 03

  Is that spooky for you? Did that give you goosebumps, Joey?

• 51:08Speaker 02

  Good gravy, lady.

• 51:11Speaker 03

  Borgock.

• 51:13Speaker 02

  We do have more. This is, it's very hard for me to function with the nails. I feel like I'm gonna break them at any second. Uh, we do have some more sponsors here. We have Zocdoc. Uh, Zocdoc is, uh, you know, it's a platform where you can book doctors. It's a free website, website and app where you can search and compare high-quality, uh, in-network doctors and click to instantly book your next appointment. So when you go on this website, you type in your insurance and then, uh, you can find, you know, whatever doctor you need in your area, like a primary care physician, or you want a dermatologist or something like that. They will, uh, pull up the ones in your area and their next available appointments. And most of the time it's within, you know, like, one to two to three days. Um, so it's a pretty

• 51:56Speaker 02

  quick turnaround. Uh, but this is what I used before they were a sponsor on the show, just to find out like which doctors in my area. I honestly have to go see a dermatologist soon, uh, because I haven't done my checkup.

• 52:08Speaker 03

  I mean, look at you, yeah.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  Thank you. Uh, and I, and I have to do a checkup soon, so I will use Zocdoc. I will try to find the ones that are in my area. So, uh, stop putting up all, so whoa, stop putting up, stop putting off those doctors' appointments, uh, and go to zocdoc.com/basement to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash basement. All right? So get yourself some Zocdoc. And also...

• 52:40Speaker 02

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• 53:25Speaker 02

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• 53:49Speaker 02

  Get my nails out of the way. So, you like my spooky story? You got a piece of, you got a, you got a popcorn in your face. Where? Over there. No, it's on the other side. Yep, keep going, keep clawing at it. Go to the, more towards your face. Yep, there you go, you got it. Keep going, keep going, one more. Give it a good one. One more good one. There you go, you got it, it's on the table now.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  And there it goes. Well, there you have it, folks. Um, I think we have an antecel! Antecel!

• 54:27Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, uh, ant question of the day here is that, oh no, a toilet in your house becomes sentient. It could talk to you, it could speak to you. Oh no! But it absolutely hates when you poop in it.

• 54:43Speaker 02

  There isn't a question there, by the way.

• 54:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  That was supposed to be an "Ant, go down!"

• 54:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, quite good.

• 54:47Speaker 02

  And where's the question?

• 54:47Speaker 01

  So the question is, are you still pooping in there?

• 54:50Speaker 03

  First of all, know your fucking role and shut your mouth, toilet. You know, you know what you're there for, bitch.

• 54:56Speaker 02

  You're gonna get into a screaming argument with your toilet?

• 54:58Speaker 03

  No, I'm just gonna treat it like my little bitch.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  But it's your toilet.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  What if it just pleads to you while you're on it, like, "Please..."

• 55:07Speaker 02

  "Please stop shitting. No, no! No more poop!"

• 55:11Speaker 03

  First of all, it's poop-related. I hate this question. You know that, ant.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  Well, then, you know what you have to do?

• 55:18Speaker 03

  Brrr.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  Just be an adult, and you'll be fine, I think.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  I'm not an adult. I'm a chicken. Brrr! Okay?

• 55:25Speaker 01

  But it does like piss, if that helps.

• 55:27Speaker 03

  I mean...

• 55:29Speaker 02

  It does like it?

• 55:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Oh my god, this is some good piss. Well, the only good... The thing is that it does usually happen at the same time.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  Oh, so maybe you can bargain with it.

• 55:40Speaker 03

  Say, "I'll drink more fluids if you let me crump in here once."

• 55:45Speaker 02

  Crump?

• 55:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Take a big fat one?

• 55:47Speaker 03

  Take a drump.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  If a... If a... What are you doing?

• 55:52Speaker 01

  I'd probably have to bargain with it. Now, if it's...

• 55:55Speaker 03

  Is it like every toilet speaks?

• 55:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  Because then I'll just get it and I'll use another bathroom for crunk.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  Every one of your toilets in your house.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  So I have to go outside of my house?

• 56:03Speaker 01

  You'd have to go outside your house.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  What if I...

• 56:05Speaker 03

  Hell no!

• 56:05Speaker 02

  What if I wore headphones and I couldn't hear the screams?

• 56:08Speaker 03

  You muffled the screams?

• 56:10Speaker 02

  That's so fucked up.

• 56:12Speaker 03

  "Please stop shitting!"

• 56:15Speaker 03

  "I have to!" Ew. This is, for some reason, this is reminding me of Human Centipede, which sucks.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  Which, it does remind you... Well, that makes sense.

• 56:24Speaker 03

  That movie sucks, all three of them.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  Which, which one would you rather be?

• 56:28Speaker 03

  The front.

• 56:29Speaker 02

  Oh, if you couldn't.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  What kind of question is that?

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Actually, that's an easy question, I guess.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  You might as well be the middle.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  Might as well.

• 56:36Speaker 03

  That's the worst, brother!

• 56:37Speaker 02

  Actually, is it the worst?

• 56:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. What do you mean, is it? Yeah, it is.

• 56:44Speaker 02

  Well, the end, you're just, you're just eating shit.

• 56:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, and in the middle, you're eating it and you're fucking getting your shit licked.

• 56:54Speaker 03

  Sounds pretty.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying. At least you're getting something out of it.

• 56:56Speaker 03

  Oh, so you're taking it like someone's eating your shit.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  I mean, I just don't know which, which is better. Obviously, the first is what you want.

• 57:06Speaker 03

  I, I, I mean, I don't want to be anywhere on a human centipede.

• 57:10Speaker 02

  Thanks.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  Let's make that abundantly clear, big cock. I would rat, if I had to, though, I'd be the front.

• 57:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you, I'm saying you can't be that one, obviously.

• 57:19Speaker 03

  That's so miserable.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  Maybe the last one is the best because you don't have your butt sewn.

• 57:25Speaker 03

  I mean, then you're eating how many ever people are in front of you's crap.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Dude,

• 57:34Speaker 02

  should we just kill the guy who thought of this?

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Because it's kind of fucking insane.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  We should haunt him.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  Haunt?

• 57:41Speaker 03

  Haunt.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  I mean, I can't.

• 57:44Speaker 03

  Or can I?

• 57:46Speaker 02

  That was really good. You like that?

• 57:48Speaker 03

  That was really good. I'll, I'll give him bad eggs. Can I make eggs?

• 57:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, chickens make eggs. Not roosters. Are you a rooster, though?

• 57:57Speaker 03

  I am not a cock.

• 57:59Speaker 02

  Right. You're just a...

• 58:02Speaker 03

  Just a, I'm just a...

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Oh, no, it's hens and roosters.

• 58:04Speaker 03

  Hens and roosters, so...

• 58:05Speaker 02

  So what's a chicken?

• 58:06Speaker 03

  Is that... I think that's the genus.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  The, the umbrella.

• 58:09Speaker 03

  That's the brand.

• 58:10Speaker 02

  So it's, it's, yeah, it's...

• 58:12Speaker 03

  That's the model. No, that's the make. The model would be hens or roosters.

• 58:17Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  You know?

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. Chicken's like the Ford.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  I'm falling apart over here.

• 58:23Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 58:23Speaker 03

  I'm in pain.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  Why?

• 58:25Speaker 03

  I'm hot. I am uncomfortable.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  You're hot then you're cold.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  You're yes then you're no. You're in then you're out. You're up then you're down.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  What's that song? That's a song about Katy Perry. Oh no, that's a different one where she's like, "I was making out with chicks."

• 58:41Speaker 03

  That's "I Kissed a Girl and I Like It."

• 58:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  That was her second hit. Hot and Cold, Yes and No, In Out, Up Down, Wrong Right, Black White, Fight Break Up Kiss Make Up.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  Right. Yeah, no, that's a great song, cuz it's opposites.

• 58:54Speaker 03

  It's, yeah, cuz she's saying like, "I can't read you, dude."

• 58:57Speaker 02

  Antonyms, if you will.

• 58:58Speaker 03

  "I can't read you, Justin Trudeau."

• 59:00Speaker 02

  Right. Well, she can, yeah. She's her guy now.

• 59:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're dating.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 59:04Speaker 03

  Good for them.

• 59:05Speaker 02

  Good for them.

• 59:05Speaker 03

  People are like, they, people are like, do they like Katy Perry again?

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Um, they hated her for something. I did see a video-

• 59:12Speaker 03

  They didn't like she went to space.

• 59:15Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, she did go to that.

• 59:16Speaker 03

  She was like, "Everyone-"

• 59:16Speaker 02

  Allegedly went to space.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  Oh, boy.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  Did they go to space?

• 59:20Speaker 03

  Oh, boy.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 59:21Speaker 03

  That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing here.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  I did see a video of Katy Perry recently at her concert. She tried to do like a running slide, didn't go anywhere.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:30Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 59:31Speaker 03

  Uh-oh.

• 59:31Speaker 02

  I dislocated a nail.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  Pull it off.

• 59:34Speaker 02

  She tried to, she tried to, hello, she tried to, uh, do a, like a, not a baseball slide, but like a, like a soccer slide. Like on your knees.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  Is that, oh wow, that's-

• 59:45Speaker 02

  And her knees just stopped in the tracks.

• 59:47Speaker 03

  And she just went straightforward?

• 59:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:49Speaker 03

  That's bad. I don't know why, like, people were like, all in on Katy Perry, and then I think like, ever since the Super Bowl, people were just like-

• 59:58Speaker 02

  No, I thought they fucked her at the Super Bowl.

• 59:59Speaker 03

  After, I'm saying after the Super Bowl.

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:00:02Speaker 03

  And then they were just like, "No, no, no, Katy Perry."

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  And now people don't like her. I, I have nothing against Katy Perry.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  I, that was like one of my biggest crushes, growing up.

• 1:00:12Speaker 03

  California girls.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  My god, I was a man after seeing that.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  You became a man after you-

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:18Speaker 03

  "California, California undeniable."

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  She's got strawberry shortcake tits and she's shooting cream out of them. I mean, how is this even allowed on TV?

• 1:00:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was basically softcore porn.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  Soft, I mean, I, I'll tell you, what wasn't soft-

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  You went hardcore on that porn.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did, oh come on, come on!

• 1:00:35Speaker 03

  Your hair, your wig is starting to fall back.

• 1:00:37Speaker 02

  Don't!

• 1:00:39Speaker 03

  You're good, you're good.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, and then-

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  Who was your first, like, crush? Oh, no, Christina Ricci, I'm talking about like-

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Christina Ricci and Casper.

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  Give me all of them.

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  Like, growing up, I mean, Trish Stratus was in there pretty early on.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  Uh, a lot of wrestling ones, early on, Trish Stratus.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  Let's skip those.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  Man. Uh, I mean, Kimberly, the pink Power Ranger.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  You know? She was up there.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  Katy Perry was there at a certain point, you know, she got there eventually.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  I remember you liking Taylor Swift, I think.

• 1:01:17Speaker 03

  I did, I did, I liked Taylor Swift, I think she's a pretty woman.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  I think that you said to me, I can like recall you saying to me, uh, you were like, "She's very, she's such a pretty person."

• 1:01:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I fully, I still stand by that.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  I remember that.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  I think she's a very pretty person.

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  Did you, who were your celebrity crushes?

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  Natalie Portman was up there.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  Ooh, I liked Natalie-

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  I liked Natalie Portman, I think she's a very good looking woman.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  Um, Avril Lavigne, was very-

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  Whoa, skateboard boy?

• 1:01:43Speaker 03

  Avril Lavigne, that's a, that's a different one.

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  And then, um-

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  You liked the girls that wear ties.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  It was cool.

• 1:01:49Speaker 03

  And checkered, checkered socks.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, and just like, "I don't give a fucking fuck."

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  How many times-

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  Fuck you!

• 1:01:56Speaker 03

  How many times did you get horny going into a Hot Topic?

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Oh, man, probably countless.

• 1:01:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  A couple times.

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  You were walking in and you were just like-

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  On your birthday, you went to Paxon?

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Or just Spencer's, anyone who worked at Spencer's essentially.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, Frank, that's Frank's dream location.

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  Hold on. Hold on.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  He tried to book a Spencer's for his wedding.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  I did not.

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  What is it? Oh.

• 1:02:18Speaker 03

  I liked Spencer's when I was a teenager, because they had a lot of prank stuff. And as a young adult, because they had a lot of drinking paraphernalia.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Oh! So who else?

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  And, um- I think Spy Kids 3, the-

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  Alexa Vega?

• 1:02:34Speaker 01

  Is that the one that's in the game? That's not, spoiler, not real.

• 1:02:38Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Like the-

• 1:02:39Speaker 03

  This guy's spoiling the Spy Kids 3D!

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  The one, you know what I'm talking about? That girl?

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  I've never seen Spy Kids-

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Oh, do you know who I'm talking about?

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  Emily Osment?

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  No, I don't think that's Emily Osment.

• 1:02:49Speaker 03

  I think she's in Spy Kids 2, 3-

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  Wait, you liked a digital woman?

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  I guess it's too deep of a cut. No, it was a real person, but it was like in the game, it turns out she's not a real player, either way, it's a whole thing.

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  Oh, so they did like a Sixth Sense thing in fucking Spy Kids?

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  They did, they did do a Sixth Sense thing.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  Wow, did you cry? Like, was it sad?

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  It did make me think like, oh, alright, well I might as well not now.

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  You might not like her now, because she's not a real person.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was a ch- I was confused.

• 1:03:12Speaker 03

  You saw no value in her because she was not a real person?

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  Right. Well, if I can't have her body-

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  If I can't have her, then, then who cares about her?

• 1:03:20Speaker 02

  What's the point of even liking her?

• 1:03:21Speaker 03

  What's the point of even giving a fuck about this fake ass woman?

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, that was your kind of your introduction to anime. hentai?

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  Technically, yeah.

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  What was?

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  Fake whatever.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  Well, it was like a real actor, actress, oh, okay.

• 1:03:35Speaker 03

  But you immediately saw no value in them because you couldn't see yourself with them.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Shigo.

• 1:03:41Speaker 03

  Shigo, hell yeah, okay, Kim Possible.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Guy with taste.

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  That's right. Uh, also, who was the one from Danny Phantom?

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  I know who you're talking about. That was also kinda gothy.

• 1:03:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess you were into the goths.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  I was really into Roxanne from Gooch and Movie, but everyone-

• 1:03:57Speaker 03

  Well, duh!

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I thought that's, I thought that's base level, like, that doesn't count.

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  That was like my dream.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, duh.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  Like, that's everybody, you know?

• 1:04:04Speaker 03

  I mean, I'll tell you this, as a nine-year-old boy, first time I watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit-

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  Holy hell.

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  I mean, come on!

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  I mean, I was-

• 1:04:12Speaker 03

  That woke up a whole new side of me when I saw Jessica Rabbit.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  Jessica Rabbit, though, I was kind of like, ah, I could never handle that. Like, that's an old one-

• 1:04:21Speaker 03

  You were thinking that way?

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  I was thinking, like, that's so much woman, she'll fucking kill me, she'll probably never like me.

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  I remember, like, on like the special features of that DVD, it was like-

• 1:04:31Speaker 02

  Oh my god, don't say it.

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  She was drawn to like be able to not walk. Like, she, like, physics would not allow this person to walk.

• 1:04:38Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:04:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  What about Tinker Bell? Is that weird?

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  It is because I think technically it's a child.

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  Well, they all were child and we were child.

• 1:04:48Speaker 03

  No, I think Tinker Bell. I don't know.

• 1:04:50Speaker 01

  Roxanne wasn't an adult woman?

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was in high school, I think.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  It's fair. It's very fair and very true.

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  She was older than me, though. Oh my god, Lola Bunny.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, Lola Bunny in Space Jam.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  God damn.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  Joey saw her fucking hit one three-pointer and he was all in.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know. I would have to like really find, one of the first Patreon episodes that we ever did together, we went through like childhood crushes.

• 1:05:15Speaker 02

  Did we?

• 1:05:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was old, old, old. We might want to revisit.

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  You ever hear the thing about the hear me out?

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  Hear me out cake?

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Speaker 03

  We never did that.

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  I was about to ask if you guys ever done one.

• 1:05:25Speaker 03

  No, we can do a hear me out cake.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  But do you have any that you're like, oh, this is probably a weird one, but I liked them?

• 1:05:29Speaker 03

  I'm sure if I sat and I really committed to coming up with something, I can. The only one I could think of off the top of my head, so we don't give it away because we'll do it for Patreon episode, The Dragon from Shrek.

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  That's a good one.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  She had crazy eyelashes.

• 1:05:43Speaker 03

  Those hips, dude.

• 1:05:45Speaker 02

  Hips? Oh, she does shake her ass a little bit.

• 1:05:47Speaker 03

  She fucking wags that, wags that shit.

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  She kinda does.

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  She's got a fucking full crapped in diaper of a butt.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  Is that good? That must be good, then.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Mrs. Puff?

• 1:06:01Speaker 03

  Mrs. Puff?

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  Mrs. Puff?

• 1:06:03Speaker 03

  That's a crazy one.

• 1:06:04Speaker 02

  Oh, you're horny.

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  That's a good one. It's a good hear me out.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  I don't...

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  Yo, you know what's kinda cra-

• 1:06:09Speaker 04

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• 1:06:38Speaker 03

  Joey's gonna come up with hear me outs that are just like drawn, good-looking characters. Like, they need to be like, hear me out. This might seem a little crazy.

• 1:06:45Speaker 02

  Alright, so I mean, is this a crazy one if I say Sandy Cheeks?

• 1:06:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  No, I don't think it's crazy. Like, would Nala, like, that's a lion.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  No, that's a, that's an obvious-

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's a lion, you know, so that's a good hear me out.

• 1:07:03Speaker 03

  No, that's an obvious one, dude. Nala, when she does the, like, the eyes, like, she looks at Simba.

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  I don't know, that made me laugh. You referencing a specific point?

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  Hear me out.

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  We should do it. We could do a hear me out cake.

• 1:07:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's do a hear me out cake Patreon episode within the next couple of weeks.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  Mine, R.I.P., by the way, but mine used to be Diane Keaton. Not that she's like a hear me out.

• 1:07:24Speaker 03

  Yo, you know what's crazy is we wa- Beck and I last night watched First Wives Club. I was watching that movie. Diane Keaton reminds me a lot of your mom.

• 1:07:32Speaker 02

  Damn, don't tell me that.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  She's got like a regal, like, royalty to her.

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  Diane Keaton or my mom?

• 1:07:39Speaker 03

  Both.

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  They're regal?

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. I think your mom has like a regal beauty to her, and so did Diane Keaton.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  Well, now I feel weird talking about how I really liked her in, uh, what's that movie?

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that didn't help that it was just hear me out.

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  I mean, it's okay.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  It's not my hear me out, because I think that she was a great-looking woman.

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  But I, as a young person, I saw, what's that movie called with her and Jack Nicholson?

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  Something's Gotta Give?

• 1:08:07Speaker 02

  Something's Gotta Give.

• 1:08:08Speaker 03

  Or As Good As It Gets.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  I was like, I'm attracted to this woman.

• 1:08:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, let it fly.

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  There was another one that I was really into, an older woman, and I was like, god.

• 1:08:17Speaker 03

  I think Susan Sarandon is a, is a good-looking woman.

• 1:08:20Speaker 02

  Suzy C, that's another good one.

• 1:08:21Speaker 03

  No, no C anywhere in her name.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  Suzy Sarandon, Frank. You're not listening. Uh, you know, I like Maggie Smith. Damn Maggie Smith.

• 1:08:32Speaker 03

  Oh, that's Mcgonigal, R.I.P., too.

• 1:08:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, fucking Secret Garden, dude? I was like, chill.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  You wanted her to go into your secret garden.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  I wanted to, well, what's that mean?

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  You wanted her to eat your butt.

• 1:08:44Speaker 02

  Oh. I wasn't necessarily thinking all that.

• 1:08:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Not the deeds of that, but...

• 1:08:48Speaker 03

  Not, not, you didn't get that far into it.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  No, no, no. But I was thinking about gardens. I love that movie, because they have, like, one of those old keys.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  I love old keys, dude!

• 1:08:59Speaker 02

  And like, look at my hand. Like, imagine I had my hand on a key, and I was able to just like- Turn.

• 1:09:04Speaker 03

  Dude, that's terrifying.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:09:06Speaker 03

  That's a really scary picture.

• 1:09:07Speaker 02

  I do wish we had a very old key that you could just hold.

• 1:09:10Speaker 03

  Google.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  I wish I had a key, or a lantern.

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  What are you doing here, you kids?

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  You know? That would be scary. Dude, you're actually scary.

• 1:09:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:19Speaker 03

  You're actually really scary.

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:09:21Speaker 03

  You're like, not like most girls. You're like, really scary.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  You're really cool.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  You're like, cool, but also like, really spooky.

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  The thing about me is that like, I actually like football.

• 1:09:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Beer please?

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  Beer please, buffalo wings.

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  Buffalo wings, make them filthy.

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  Make it...

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  Get me a Michelob Ultra and get me a golf club in my hand.

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. Um, excuse me, I asked for mozzarella sticks, not a salad, sir.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  Mozzarella, you're hungry, so...

• 1:09:55Speaker 03

  I am very hungry. Very, very hungry. That popcorn did nothing for me.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  You ate two pieces of chicken? What do chickens eat?

• 1:10:04Speaker 03

  Uh, grains, worms.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Worms?

• 1:10:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  I look like I eat worms.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  You look like you live with the worms.

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  I honestly would eat a worm, I think. Not...

• 1:10:15Speaker 03

  Eh.

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  Eh, no!

• 1:10:18Speaker 02

  You can't be saying that. I think like, no, because when I, I've held worms and I'm like, I like this. And like, they look like they would have a juice. You know what I'm saying?

• 1:10:27Speaker 03

  I mean, I think you can, if, if you cleaned up an earthworm really good, I think Joey would eat it.

• 1:10:32Speaker 02

  Bro, what an existence for worms. What is that?

• 1:10:36Speaker 03

  Circle of life, baby. They eat the dirt, they die, they supply the dirt, and they die and they eat it again.

• 1:10:42Speaker 02

  That's probably not how the circle goes, but, same with us.

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:48Speaker 02

  You know, do you ever hear those things that's like, people die and then they use their body as like fertilizer?

• 1:10:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's things that you could do when you die. You get put into like a pod and a tree grows from you. I think that's pretty cool.

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  I think that's fucking fire.

• 1:11:00Speaker 03

  I think that's really cool.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:02Speaker 03

  I heard Neil deGrasse Tyson say like, you die, you get cremated, the fire that is used to burn you, energy goes out into space and your energy is one with the universe. That's fire. I want Neil deGrasse Tyson to talk at my funeral, if he makes it. If he makes it.

• 1:11:21Speaker 02

  Dude, we should get Neil.

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  Do me a favor.

• 1:11:24Speaker 02

  Can we get Neil in here? And ask him some questions about like...

• 1:11:26Speaker 03

  Let's get Neil in here. We need Neil in here.

• 1:11:28Speaker 02

  Neil? Neil!

• 1:11:30Speaker 03

  Neil deGrasse Tyson.

• 1:11:32Speaker 02

  Neil, get in here! Neil!

• 1:11:34Speaker 03

  Come on, Neil!

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  Neil, get back... Neil, get down here!

• 1:11:37Speaker 03

  I say, I say Neil, come in here and tell us about the stars and the planets.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  Neil, don't make me tell you again. Get fucking down here right now, Neil.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  Neil's from the Bronx, so he might come in here and just start being like, "Yo, don't fucking talk shit about me, bitch."

• 1:11:49Speaker 02

  I'm not talking shit. I want to get fucking Neil in here. Bring it a little bold time.

• 1:11:52Speaker 03

  Yo, Neil. Call Neil.

• 1:11:54Speaker 02

  Neil!

• 1:11:57Speaker 02

  Neil!

• 1:11:58Speaker 03

  You look like those women that do like the husband calling competitions at like the Iowa State Fair.

• 1:12:03Speaker 02

  Robert? Robert?

• 1:12:05Speaker 03

  Rob-rrr-rrr-rrr!

• 1:12:07Speaker 02

  Who's going in there?

• 1:12:09Speaker 03

  Iowans.

• 1:12:10Speaker 02

  Who's competing and who's putting it together?

• 1:12:12Speaker 03

  Iowans that have nothing better to do.

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  Is it Iowa?

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  I think it is Iowa.

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  God, man.

• 1:12:16Speaker 03

  They're also the ones that have like the, the, the, the pig calling one.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  Those are great. They're good.

• 1:12:21Speaker 03

  They're good.

• 1:12:22Speaker 02

  That, that one woman was great at calling things.

• 1:12:24Speaker 03

  But also, I get such an ick seeing those.

• 1:12:27Speaker 02

  Whee, whee!

• 1:12:28Speaker 03

  They're like, "Sir, sir, see, sir."

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:33Speaker 03

  And I'm sitting there as a chicken like, "Call me, bitch."

• 1:12:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, like...

• 1:12:36Speaker 03

  Fucking, no one's calling the chickens.

• 1:12:38Speaker 02

  Fucking, call the chicken, man.

• 1:12:41Speaker 03

  Like, call me over.

• 1:12:42Speaker 02

  Damn, dude, you do like a little fucking jazz number there.

• 1:12:45Speaker 03

  I can do, I can, I can me- me- me- melodize, melod- melodify? Melodifiedize? Me- melodize, melodized? What is it?

• 1:12:54Speaker 02

  It ain't any of that.

• 1:12:56Speaker 03

  Calling a chicken.

• 1:12:57Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:12:58Speaker 03

  Give me a song.

• 1:12:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:13:00Speaker 03

  Any song.

• 1:13:01Speaker 02

  You're gonna sing it like a chicken?

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  Like, if I'm calling a chicken.

• 1:13:04Speaker 02

  So like, "Burn" by Usher.

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  I mean, I mean, if this isn't the most talented and the most unbelievable...

• 1:13:24Speaker 03

  You don't know what talents you got until you use them.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  That's a chicken head?

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  That's a chicken too!

• 1:13:31Speaker 02

  Yo, you ever stare at a pigeon and go, "What is that?"

• 1:13:33Speaker 03

  What the fuck? Or would people do that? With the, they hold a chicken, they do that?

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 1:13:38Speaker 03

  I love it!

• 1:13:38Speaker 02

  I love that their head doesn't move.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  Do you think you could hold me like that and I won't move my head?

• 1:13:42Speaker 02

  No. Uh, I do, sometimes we'll stare at pigeons and I'm like, I, I don't, like, they need to relax.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, chickens are too worked up.

• 1:13:51Speaker 02

  Move your head like this!

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  Chickens are too worked up. Chickens, we know.

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  Maybe we should feed them, like CBD.

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  Ooh, give chickens like weed.

• 1:14:00Speaker 02

  I was talking about pigeons.

• 1:14:02Speaker 03

  Oh, sure, yeah.

• 1:14:02Speaker 02

  Chickens are mad aggressive with the way that they eat. I fed a chicken before and it hurt. Yeah, it's like, "Bro, fucking, you'll get it, I'm right here."

• 1:14:10Speaker 03

  I mean, they're a little worried, Joey, they don't know. They're also-

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  They're mean.

• 1:14:14Speaker 03

  They're also, aren't they like famously stupid?

• 1:14:18Speaker 02

  Chickens.

• 1:14:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, like famously dumb animals.

• 1:14:21Speaker 02

  I, I don't know that.

• 1:14:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:23Speaker 02

  I don't know any animals being smart except-

• 1:14:25Speaker 03

  Dolphins.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  Dolphins?

• 1:14:27Speaker 03

  Elephants and gorillas. Yeah, octopi are also, I believe, very smart.

• 1:14:33Speaker 02

  Yo, do you remember that fucking documentary of the guy who wanted to fuck that octopus so bad?

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  The octopus teacher? Everyone talked about it for like a year and, and no one realized this guy was just horny to have sex with an octopus.

• 1:14:44Speaker 02

  This guy wanted to rail this octopus, he was like, "Oh my god, I'm spending so much time."

• 1:14:49Speaker 03

  Everyone's like, "Oh my god, this thing is so, it's teaching me so much." Yo, his cock was hard the whole time, dude.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  He literally would go every single day into the water and spend like four hours with this octopus.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  Dude, no one spends that much time with something if they're not trying to have sex with it.

• 1:15:02Speaker 02

  He literally had a whole family and was just leaving his family and-

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  To go and like watch an octopus move in the water.

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, and like, I think that octopus in the water and in their natural habitat are really cool.

• 1:15:13Speaker 03

  Really cool, yeah.

• 1:15:14Speaker 02

  They change, like, colors and they kinda, you know, whatever, but, my god, go watch my octopus teacher on Netflix and you tell me that guy is-

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  Tell me he's not caked up for an octopus. Yeah, I mean, absolutely, bricked like a fucking-

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  How'd that end? Did the octopus die and then he was like sad and shit?

• 1:15:30Speaker 03

  I don't remember, but-

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  Probably left his wife, he's like, "You'll never be an octopus."

• 1:15:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, he probably got home and he was just like, "Honey, put this on," and it was just like an octopus costume, and she's like, "Why?" And he's like, "It's for work."

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  You, you'll, you have six less arms than I'm comfortable with. See you later.

• 1:15:47Speaker 03

  Crazy.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  Anyway, you know how white people get? Sometimes we like animals. Why'd I say that?

• 1:15:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, also, "we", you completely took ownership of that.

• 1:16:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:03Speaker 03

  Whatever.

• 1:16:03Speaker 02

  There you go, folks. Hope you had a great Halloween, well, it's coming up.

• 1:16:08Speaker 03

  Halloween season is treating you well. We hope that our outfits, our costumes, you guys like.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  Da na na na na, Inspector Gadget, that's not a Halloween song, like, wait, is that it?

• 1:16:21Speaker 03

  I mean, that's not the words, but that is a Halloween, that is a song for Inspector Gadget.

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I haven't seen that in so long. I got excited. What am I thinking of? Oh, the Addams Family.

• 1:16:32Speaker 03

  Da da da da. Da da da da.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  I'm gonna lose a nail.

• 1:16:36Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  Um, but yeah, guys, thank you so much for your, uh, su- support on Patreon. Uh, go to patreon.com/basementyard for that. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard on all social platforms, Frank.

• 1:16:48Speaker 03

  Ah!

• 1:16:49Speaker 02

  And?

• 1:16:51Speaker 03

  Pizza!

• 1:16:53Speaker 02

  Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

• 1:16:55Speaker 03

  Good lor- What am I, what was happening, what am I, oh, my god, oh, the day!

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  Oh, Kalabunga, damn it.

• 1:17:03Speaker 03

  Pizza?

• 1:17:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:05Speaker 03

  Pizza!

• 1:17:06Speaker 02

  It's Kalabunga, I'm just-

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  You wanna give it one more turn?

• 1:17:10Speaker 02

  No, I don't deserve it.

• 1:17:12Speaker 03

  Well, I don't deserve it. Well, that is all for this week's episode, folks. Hope you enjoyed. We'll see you next time.