The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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14,399 words · 6 speakers
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. What's going on?
Why are you, like, are you preparing for a hurricane or something? What's going on?
It's fully raining outside, so that's why.
Yeah, and you're fully indoors right now. You're not outside in any capacity.
I like green!
You do like green? Green is good. Green is good. Hello?
Hello.
Well.
Why'd I say that like, French?
Hello?
Joe's jacket is giving very, uh, group 7 vibes right now.
What is this shit? Because I'm seeing the group 7 shit on TikTok.
What is, what, what is group 7?
You guys don't know, you wouldn't know group 7. Those are no-no. You guys aren't group 7?
Those are no-no?
Those who would know-no.
Am I group, are we group 7? What is, can you explain? Any fucking sort of context at this point?
If you don't know what group 7 is, you're not group 7. It's all.
Oh, is this like, the game?
Oh my god.
Like, you remember that thing where it's just like, you ever play the game? No? And it's like, well, you lost the game. And it's like, what the fuck is this stupid shit?
This is like some 20-year-old, your 20-year-old brother type shit.
Yeah, he's like, trying to like, gatekeep being cool on the internet.
It popped up on my For You page, didn't pop up on your For You?
I have seen it. I've seen like, something about group 7, and I'm like, I don't even know what the fuck that is. I thought it was like a movie.
I haven't seen anything. Where have you been see, oh, you said on TikTok?
Yeah.
It's like, this girl put a series of videos out, like, group 1 to 7, and everyone who got group 7 on their For You page, it's group 7.
But, but what is the, what is group 7? Like, who is in group 7? And now I'm starting to get like, I'm not included, and I don't like that.
I'm not allowed to tell you what's group 7.
The fuck does that mean you're not allowed to tell?
What is this?
Yeah, exactly! Tell me!
First rule about group 7, you don't talk about group 7.
Are, you know.
Is it that good that you don't want to get kicked out?
Why are we, as a nation, trying to divide each other? Why can't there just be group H? For humans.
Oh.
You know? Why does it need to be, oh, I'm group, I'm group, I'm group 7? I'm group, I'm group 3? Whoa, cool.
Okay.
Is Group 1 not a more superior group?
Is Group 7 the one you wanna be in?
That's the one all the cool kids are in.
Why? I'm not getting this.
This is the main reason why you don't know.
Fuck you, okay? Let's hold on, really quick.
Wait, so am I in it because I've seen it?
Have you seen the original video?
What video are we talking about?
I don't know if it's the original. I've seen a few videos.
You know what? You could be a part of Group 7.
Ah, you're a loser!
Don't you point at me! Not even in the group.
I'm, first of all, in saying that the two white men are not allowing me to be in the Group 7.
Whoa, I didn't, I didn't, I'm, I'm, I just got in.
You both just looked at each other and went... And then you said...
No, I did not.
Yes, you did. I saw you mouth it. You said WP. You gave a, you gave a look to each other. Group 7, GS, backwards, it's...
What?
Segregate the...
No.
G- Hispanics.
Yeah, exactly.
You know, the, the, the, the, I don't like this.
Right.
And I'm not just saying that it's potentially racist. I'm telling everyone that it is.
Do you know actually what it is?
It's just a... All that?
I just know I'm in the group.
Right. So, well, you know what's gonna happen now? Since you guys are talking about it, it's gonna pop up to my page, and then I'll be in Group 7, and then you can do your cute little initiation.
How pissed off would you be if it was like, alright, Group 3, and you're like, fuck!
I mean, that also, like, I would need some background. Like, I need to know what the difference between Group 1, Group 2, Group 3, Group 4, Group 5, Group 7 is.
He doesn't even know, dude, doesn't even know.
He's already feeling the power of Group 7, look at him.
Well, it goes straight to his head, immediately, right into his head. Yeah, go ahead, call whoever you need to call.
Josh, design me a Group 7 tattoo.
Is Josh in Group 7? Josh isn't in Group 7, is he?
He's gotta be.
Get him on the horn, see if he's in Group 7.
Ah.
I don't...
We don't call people in Group 7. We don't do that. We text.
See?
I don't know what's going on, dude.
So, just to be clear.
Mm-hmm.
There is no, like...
Anything like bullet points.
It's kind of like.
Or checklist to be group seven.
It's just like your vibe. You just gotta.
Can you see, can you really quick? Google if there's a group seven checklist, just so we can put this to bed.
Checklist?
Just so we can tuck it in and get one of these.
I like that. I like being tucked under my butt.
Yeah, I bet you do. You do a lot of tucking under your butt, huh?
Oh, you're talking about my penis.
About when you put your penis in your balls, you know?
So you want a group seven delta checklist?
What's delta?
Delta? Is this militant?
Yeah, that's what I'm getting up here. Delta flights, group seven. I don't think, I don't think there's a checklist.
Oh, oh, that's like when you're boarding a plane? Oh, yeah. So if we're going by that, group seven, you fucking suck.
That does suck, dude. I want out now.
Now he wants out. Now he wants back to group one or group diamond or something.
You know that they're gonna find a new classification for it.
It just feels exclusionary.
And Joey, how often do I tell you I'm all about inclusivity?
Uh.
All the time.
I'm, that's what I'm about.
I'm not, this isn't a joke. I am.
Okay. Well, now it just sounds like you're defensive, dude.
Well, it's because two people in this room, sixty-six percent, which by the way.
Add another six to that.
It's the devil.
We're getting close.
Tell you what, what I did find out is changing groups isn't possible. So once you're in one, even if.
So I can't even get out of this even if I wanted to. I'm sorry, Frank.
Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. Technically, technically.
You're so desperate.
No, technically, I haven't seen any of these group stuffs. So technically, I'm a free agent.
Technically, yeah.
So I have not yet been recruited by a group.
But you're so desperate that like, I don't, it's not giving group.
You don't make the classification, you don't make the choice for the groups.
That's, that is true.
Were you the group czar?
I'm, I, I just got in here, you know, but I, I, I'm getting the vibe.
So is this an algorithm thing? That's what I'm getting at. It's just like basically.
It's an algorithm thing.
The lizard people that run TikTok and Instagram and all social media.
Whoa, don't blame Hillary Clinton for this.
I, crazy, crazy that you named, you name dropped one of them. Are you guys hanging out together? Careful, you're getting to levels of rich that are getting close to lizard person. And you're wearing green all of a sudden? Can't wait for these edits to come out.
I'll tell you this right now, if I was a reptilian human being.
There would be no secret. That's, I would be out blinking with yellow eyes and whatever else they do. That's an oxymoron. You can't be a reptilian human being. You're either a reptile lizard person, or you're a human being. Alright. It's like Biggie Smalls or Jumbo Shrimp. No.
What about like a reptile humanoid?
Humanoid is different. I mean, I just- He said, he specifically said human being. Guys, I wanna be a reptile. I misspoke. You wanna be Sizoth? Who's that? The last of the Zeterans? I'm not even gonna go down that road with you. That's from Mortal Kombat. Cause that feels like a long road. That's from Mortal Kombat, dude! Mortal Kombat! Mortal Kombat. Mortal Kombat! You could be reptile. In the new one, ki- hold on. Now that I'm saying it, you kinda look like the new reptile.
Me? Oh yeah, yeah! I look like a lizard? No, you look like his human form. Cause they could camouflage in a human form. What's his name? Type in MK1 reptile.
You kinda look like him now that I'm talking about it! Frank? No, I don't. Joey, pull up, right there. You kinda look like him. You just need a stupid face tattoo, which at the rate you're going, it's on its way.
You don't look like the lizard part, sure. No. Yeah, I don't look like that. I'm not clean shaven. You look like a twinkie little karate guy. I'm not even a twink anymore. I'm kind of a twunk. You think you've graduated? You're just putting yourself in all this cl- you're group seven, you're a twunk. Bro, a twink is like a little fucking like a hundred sixty pound guy. Joey, you just earlier told me you weigh a hundred ten pounds. And you're five foot two. It's not even, it's not even a good joke. Not even a good joke.
Real group two vibes Frankie.
He's like the sorting hat of groups kinda. He really is. You hear him, right? Yeah, it's kinda crazy. He's so giddy over there. You should start your own groups. You know what? And call them zones. Like yo, if you're getting this on your for you page, zone four. You know what? I'm not even gonna, but no, no, no, I'm not gonna give it letters. I'm gonna give it a cool, like, not numbers or letters, I'm gonna give it a cool like- Already, you're overthinking it. Yeah, I know. But it'll be like, welcome, we're in z- we're in zone snake. Oh, you're gonna make it like- We're in zone, we're in zone claw. You know? Just cool words. Zone knife. Right. Knife, you think is a cool word?
It's a pretty cool word, you gotta admit.
Knife.
Does anything match what it is better than the word knife?
Spoon?
Bubble?
Bubble's great.
Bubble's a really good one.
Uh, but, I don't like how aggressive you've been about this whole group seven thing, and you too!
You're talking more than both of us, and that's why I'm saying it's not really giving group seven, but that's neither here nor there, maybe we will never know, we have no idea, but I will say that, uh, on the Patreon episode, if you guys aren't patrons, they get sneak peeks at stuff that you guys don't get at, so if you want to sign up, go to patreon.com/basementyard, but Greg surprised us with a gift, uh, of these jackets, okay? Look at these jackets that we, well, you know what? Nevermind, I already said jackets, I already gave it away, but we have these jackets, uh, that he surprised us with from the basement to the garden. Uh, and, they're beautiful, and they got a patch on the side, made in New York, uh, and TBY in the front, they're unbelievable, we all are gonna have them, uh, and
we have a clip where there's a little surprise in there for everyone too, so, roll that clip.
Roll it. Ladies and gentlemen, Greg is handing me a jacket, whoa!
What is that? Come over here!
Give him a lap! Let him sit in your lap, Santa Claus! Let him sit in your lap!
Ooh, good lap coverage.
Not bad lap coverage, right?
Got all the space.
I got a great lap for sitting.
Ooh!
Ooh, yeah.
From the basement to the garden.
Mm, oh, patch, patch.
Patch, patch.
Oh wow, the patch is sick.
Yeah, I'm very proud of this, Athena, Athena helped bring this to life. Athena helped bring this to life. So these jackets came out so good, that I, uh, ordered 500 of them.
God damn!
For who? They're gonna be available at Madison Square Garden. First come, first served, that's it, 500, we're never making these again, but people, the people, can wear the same Basement Yard, Madison Square Garden jackets as us.
These are sick dudes.
Those are really cool, thank you so much.
Enjoy, of course.
Who told you to order 500 fucking jackets?
Executive decision, executive decision.
I love that he just makes executive.
Please buy them, I'm fired!
There will be a limited amount available for you, as you heard in the clip, so go check it out. Kinda crazy.
Sick.
I mean, nothing, nothing is, you know, it's New York, baby! It's the garden, we gotta go big.
New York, New York!
Keep going, alright, that wasn't very good.
It wasn't.
If I can...
Make it there, I'll make it.
Anywhere.
What'd you think?
That's pretty good.
Not bad, right?
I'd like to think. Is that, is that putting me in a group?
What group? Alright, let me ask you some questions. Oh, I got a group for ya that you're in? Sexiest podcasters of 2025? Yeah! Listen, People Magazine's Sexiest Podcasters.
It's gone to my head. Look at my head, it's growing in real time.
Take your hat off, take your hat off. Stupid ass hair.
Here's the thing. Sexy ass hair. Here's the thing, technically, it is sexy hair. Technically... Does, does this put us in a group?
If you're in Sexy Podcasts group...
You're in a Mean Guy group. You're in a Bully group.
Group four. Group four?
Group four?
Group four.
You sorted him.
I remember vividly last year talking about the Sexiest Podcasts, and we were like, "What the hell?" And then we got nominated, and we were like, "That's hysterical." And we were like, "We're never gonna win."
Also, the picture they chose was not good.
Yeah, someone here was doing heavy sexy lifting.
Heavy sex...
And it wasn't the guy that was shaved with a fucking quadruple chin and snaggle teeth.
You know what I thought, you know what I thought about? You were shaved because we had just done the Drag Queen episode.
Regardless of why I was shaved, it's one of the like, five episodes that we've done where I'm completely shaved.
And why did they pick that?
On my face.
Yeah, they tried to... Why did you specify? I've, I don't know why they picked that out of all, it was like a Santa Gau Studios video.
I mean, listen, the people have spoken.
They have spoken.
And... They tried to fucking cut our legs out from underneath us by putting that picture up there. Yeah, you know what? You can take the people out of Sexy, you can't take the Sexy out of people.
And, uh, the people have spoken. Our fans are fervent.
I don't really know what that means, but it feels sexual.
Uh, yeah, you know what? In this context, it might have been a little over the top. I just think that...
We're sexy.
I mean.
They even tried to nerf my two sexy boys. Still one.
Am I one of your sexy boys?
Definitely one of my sexy boys.
Like was I, was I a sexy boy beforehand?
How many sexy boys do you got?
He did specify my two sexy boys.
Two, seven?
You have seven sexy boys?
You got seven sexy boys.
Dude, you're gonna get a fucking knock on your door later. That's crazy.
Wait, why is someone knocking on his door?
I have seven sexy boys? I mean, that's kind of an.
Oh, right, right, right. The boys party thing.
Oh, yeah, you're on the list. You're on the list. I mean.
Men?
I think what makes us sexy is
our willingness to love.
Sorry.
What's funny about that?
I'm sorry, I don't know.
Our willingness to love.
I think that what makes us sexy, because we're not like, you know, I mean, you say it all the time. We're not that smart.
Do I say that all the time?
We don't go out there and we, we don't pretend to know anything. We have a really good balance of understanding where we stand and not trying to be, you know, like, here, I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk about the world like I know it and I'm gonna be a voice for everything.
Understand where you stand while you're standing on biz.
And is that not sexy?
Some of it.
I just think that, you know.
The people have spoken.
People have spoken?
People. People mag.
People, the people voted.
There you go.
Do me a favor, tell them to do, call an airstrike on my house.
Cut out Frank's tongue, okay, and then put a new one in there.
What are they gonna do with my whole tongue?
Imagine that?
Wait, what the hell?
Imagine someone else put their tongue in your mouth? Not making out.
Oh, okay.
But like.
I mean, I've eaten beef tongue before.
Whoa, I didn't know where that was going.
I was like, damn, aight, my god.
This has gone to my head and I think it is only natural that we're treated differently because we are the 2025 sexiest people on the planet.
Podcasters, that is.
Well, yeah.
We beat out some big names in sexy.
Las Culturistas.
Who's that?
Bowen Yang.
And his, uh, co-host, forgive me for not remembering his name.
Uh, the Lonely Island podcast, Akiva, Yorma, and Andy Samberg.
They do a podcast?
Yeah, everyone does podcasts.
That's true, yeah.
Everybody does podcasts. Seth Meyers.
Seth Meyers has a podcast?
He's got a whole show.
We're sexier than Seth Meyers, Joey.
Name another podcast.
In the world?
This is like when people are like, "Name a woman." I can't think of anything.
Any podcast.
Uh, um. Why can't I? Other People's Lives.
Sexier than those idiots. That's crazy. That's crazy. Wait a sec.
Uh oh, yeah. I just realized. One can make a claim. One can make a claim.
It's true.
If we're going by the laws of logic.
So you and Greg.
Right, we do a podcast.
Called Other People's Lives.
We weren't even nominated.
It's very good. You weren't even on the fucking.
Ballot.
Ballot, dude. So.
Me and you, though.
Nominated. So that means.
I'm sexier than Greg. Which is something I've been trying to convince myself for years now.
It means that the heavy lifting, I think, was happening in the other direction.
No, I mean, I think, to be honest. Don't, don't you, don't you be fucking.
Joey, you're a big fucking.
Oh, don't do this.
You're a twink podcast guy.
Stop calling me a twink.
Alright, okay, sorry. You're, you're, you're sexy podcast guy with, with, with, uh, left-leaning opinions. Frank, I've seen a lot of edits of you on the internet.
I've seen a lot of edits of all of us.
What the fuck is that?
That's the new Sabrina Carpenter song, and I've seen edits of you.
With that?
And then it's you just like, uh, and you got like a curl and shit. I've seen that shit.
Listen, I need one person to know that I'm sexy, and that's my fucking wife.
And also God, dude.
God, I need to be sexy for God now, too?
Yeah, you got, dude.
God sees everything, like Santa. And Santa's in there, too.
Santa, now we got three.
I gotta be sexy for.
Three people.
Jesus.
Well, God.
If that's how God, I, I forgive me.
Jesus and God are different. How dare you?
Everyone has a different view of God, and whatever your omnipotent being is, you better be sexy for that.
God.
Santa.
El esposa.
Uh, uh, la.
La esposa. La.
Well, I mean, or.
Well, we don't know.
Or eh eh eh, you know, novio.
Uh, la novia.
La novia. Any, uh, how do you look up, look up the word partner? Keep it gender neutral.
In Spanish. So I need to be sexy for God. I need to be sexy for Santa and Becca.
Is there anyone else?
I don't think anyone else sees me as much as those three.
That's a pretty, I mean, that's, that's tough because the times where I'm, I'm not feeling like I'm not trying to be sexy for my wife.
Most of the time that is when I'm in the bathroom.
Pareja.
One more time.
Frank, uh.
For, for partner?
Yeah. Say it one more time.
Why, what, what happened to your mouth?
Am I right? I don't wanna.
Right, I don't.
I don't wanna do it.
You're not even talking.
You're saying this.
You're talking like a bird.
I'm trying to get, I can't roll my Rs.
Can you, can you say?
You can't roll your Rs at all.
I can't do nothing.
Ra ra ra ra.
Not even close.
You can't do that?
Cannot.
Try.
That is.
That was incredible. Say, ra, say. Rojo.
Rojo.
You kinda, you, you had a flick, you had a flick of the tongue at the front.
You just gotta practice.
So.
Ra ra ra.
P A R E J A.
Pareja. Pareja.
I feel like I was right there.
Bar, no, you went.
You said pare.
I'm so sorry.
You spoke like the Canadians in South Park do.
Well, someone should teach me Spanish.
Uh, Duolingo, fucking.
Yourself.
That's how learning is.
Why do you need us to do it? Yeah, so what, what do you think is the next logical step? We made Sexiest Podcasters. Where do you think we go from here? And why should we be treated significantly better?
Hmm, I would like special treatment if I can get it. Ooh, you know what I would like? A trophy. That would be cool.
What does a trophy look like?
No, not something from Amazon. Don't get on the horn over there.
I'm just.
I'm talking about, I want it from People Magazine being like, yo, congrats. And then the fucking, it's like crystal, but it's like a chiseled dude. You know what I mean? Two chiseled dudes with microphones? That's supposed to be us.
Uh, little do they know.
Uh, where there's no chisel.
There is, I, I have been chiseled out of rubber. Okay? There is not much chisel going on here. I'm as chiseled as a fucking jar of jelly.
I think that like, something this big.
Okay, alright, so you want, that's pretty big, dude.
Yeah, I want a fucking big one.
You want, and, uh, here's the thing.
I don't know if you feel this way now, it needs to be heavy.
Bro, I wanna be able to kill with it. Like if I smash someone in the head a couple times with it.
You know what I mean?
That would be pretty-
I'm not gonna, I just want the option.
I was gonna say, yeah, that would be pretty devastating.
Yeah, I mean, I, it would be gross, I wouldn't even do it.
So like, alright, so, people, we're giving you, People Magazine, we're giving you, this is free by the way, this idea, a lot of people pay for this consulting, okay?
So, People Magazine, for whoever wins their sexiest-
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Whatever. It's a, it's a trophy. And the trophy, it shouldn't be just a this. But then that's very gender specific, Joey.
It could be, have boobs.
But then what, you're gonna put tits on a trophy?
Ant was like,
So we needed to be something-
You've never rubbed like a statue's butt.
And also, I don't like your view of sexuality and sexiness. If you're, if it's just a chiseled dude, what, you don't like, non-chiseled dudes?
I am a non-chiseled dude.
I know, I know, I know, I'm saying like the general, I'm trying to save, this is why we're talking to-
You're not saving anybody!
People Magazine pays for this.
Frank, pays for what?
This consulting. No, we're not, I'm saying-
You got paid?
No! We're giving you free consult, consultations. Helping them come up with a trophy.
Fuck the trophy, just get me something that says it. You're talking about all the shapes.
Shapes are important, especially in trophies.
Shapes are important. As well as colors, also important.
And weight.
Weight.
Yes, if they give me a trophy that's like straight out of fucking I C Y P Little League, I don't want that shit.
Yeah, I don't want it to be hollow.
I don't want, like, this thing needs to be well-built, it needs to be heavy, and People Magazine, you guys do well for yourselves, put a little money into this. Make it gold, solid gold.
Are you getting crazy now, if they asks?
Titanium.
I don't know where that measures up with the other.
Platinum?
That's, I know, expensive.
Yeah, but is it more expensive than gold?
Than gold? I have no idea, but it's neither here nor there.
All great questions, um, but, I mean, yeah, we're, we're the sexiest podcasters on the planet.
Are you feeling sexy?
Not really.
If we're being honest, this, this, it's just like.
It's raining.
It's hysterical that this happened.
Like.
What? Do you ever walk around and go like, "Fuck, man, I'm sexy right now"?
You walk around like, "Damn, I'm fucking sexy."
Good for you.
I feel like you do that, too.
I absolutely don't.
No?
If I'm being honest, the only.
Not, not 24/7, like, that's insane.
No, the only, the only, like.
You've never been like, "I look good"?
I mean, I think looking good is different than feeling sexy.
Sometimes they're, you know, kind of go hand in hand.
For me, sexy is a, is a moment in time.
Everything's a moment in time, babe.
Personally, if I'm, if I'm being, like, completely transparent.
This should be good.
I don't, I don't know if I've ever, like.
Self sexied myself. Okay, what does that mean? Like, I don't think sexy is something you can bestow upon yourself. Sexy is a gift. But you can look at yourself and go, "Okay." Yeah, and that's different. That's what I'm talking about. Because I can't have sex appeal to myself, because I'm not trying to sex myself. Sexy is the implication of sex appeal, and I am not self sexy or appealing to my self sexy self. Yeah, I think that you're like, you're thinking too far into this. You're damn right. I'm not saying, have you ever looked into the mirror and been like, "I'm gonna fuck that guy." You know what I mean? Like, obviously that's not gonna happen. It's a very group seven thing of me to say, right?
Yeah, I, I mean. I've never been like, the recipient of a, like, a sexy pat on the back for myself.
You're telling me when you put on like, your cowboy getup, and you looked in the mirror, you weren't like, "Damn."
No, I, I think I look ridiculous. Okay, you, you're talking about a costume. What about when you like- It's a way of life. What if you put on like, a tuxedo? I say, "All right, I like how I look. I guarantee it." This isn't a commercial for like- Yeah, Men's Warehouse. But like, you don't let it get further than that? Like, "Damn, I look good, man." Yeah, I look good. I like how I look. Alright, we getting there. Oh, I look good. But I wouldn't ever, I don't think I've ever seriously been like, "I look sexy." Yo, you're crazy, dude. Am I crazy for saying, sexy is a gift? Bro, I've seen- If you self sexy yourself, is it really sexy? I don't give a fuck if it's real.
I'm saying, I'm not taking away from the idea of like, I feel like I look good. "Oh, I look good. I like how I look. Wow." I look sharp. That's what I would say. Sharp? What is it, the twenties? I would say- Oh my god, I look so sharp. I would say, I equate it to, you know, like, specific, like, amounts of dullness. Like, "Damn, I look sharp," and then I'm like, "I look rounded." I look, I look dull. But like, maybe it's just the way that my brain works. But you can't self sexy yourself.
Sexy needs to be from somebody else. No, not at all. Alright, then maybe I'm, I'm different. I think that, I mean, I feel like you're describing what I'm describing, though. Like, when you're like, you, you see yourself, you're like, in a tuxedo, and you've got that little curl down the middle of your head, and you're like, "Fuck." I'd be like, "Yeah, look, wow, I like how I look. Oh, this is exactly what I was going for. I look sharp as a tack."
Oh my god. Did you hear how fucking, like, your tone? Oh, this, I look so, this is what I was going for.
And I'm not, and I'm not, that's horrible. I'm not saying, like, because I know people would be like, "Oh, he's baiting," you know, like, he's, he's getting like, "Oh..."
Or they're gonna be like, "Frankie, what? You're the hottest guy I've ever seen."
That's not what I'm looking for, ever. But like, what I'm saying is, I'm looking at the, like, the logic.
You can't-
That is such an insane way to answer it.
I, I don't think, I'm looking at, do you ever think you're sexy? Logically, I can't. I mean, that's a great, I think that's a great argument that I'm-
The easy answer is, "Have you ever felt sexy?" Yes.
We could've saved all that time. Because I have, the-
Because someone has told me-
Someone bestowed it.
They gifted me a beautiful, sexy bouquet of sexy.
But, but isn't it possible that Becky would be like, "You look sexy," and you're like, "I don't feel it."
Of course.
So then it's not always a bestow.
But it's a feeling, baby.
But in my head-
You got a feeling, baby. But, but you could be sexy without feeling sexy, okay? So like, she, what could be sexy, sexy is subjective. Sex-e is subjective. So like, I may not feel, like, she could be like, and this has happened before, but she's like, "Oh my god, you're fucking sexy right now." And I'm like, "I don't feel it, but thank you."
That is a real thing. So have I ever felt sexy? Sure. Have I ever, by myself, looked at myself in the mirror and go, you know, fucking a wuga sexy boy? No!
Awuga, Sharp. This is a fucking old movie we're watching here.
I mean, I think it's not-
If you feel sexy though, that is an internal thing. That's not outward.
I, but I, you know, I can only speak from recent memory because I don't remember a fucking, I'm sure at 12, I was just like, looking good, sexy, and I had-
Oh, I'm, I'm certain you had a shirt that said that or something.
It was like a spray painted fucking, you know, like-
S C X C I I.
Sexy pimp.
Yes.
You know, I just, I, I think that if we're looking at sexy as a societal, holy shit.
Logically.
I mean, I'm like, this is not a joke. That's why I'm laughing. I don't think, it's like, you can look good, but in my head, the way that sexy works is that it is gifted to you through the eyes of somebody else.
You gotta change that, bro. That comes from in here, baby.
No, but I, but I'm not saying that takes away from like, I've said like, I look good, I feel good.
No, you got sexy in there. You gotta rip that shit out of you.
Don't tell me what to do with my sexy.
Yo dude, go, take your hand, shove it down your throat and rip that fucking sexy out.
So my, my sexy's in my stomach?
It's deep in there, baby.
It's in my stomach?
It's down there.
If sexy lives anywhere, it's not in our stomach.
It's in our ass? It might be in your ass.
Thank you. Why, why is it in my ass?
Dude, I don't know. You just said it wasn't in your stomach. Where else can it be?
So many other places than my ass, dude.
In your hair?
I think, I think sexy lives somewhere where that is not necessarily like, like sexy, I think, like, it's, it's- Let me get through this hand. Sexy is, is not, like, you can't-
Oh my god, this is beating the shit out of you right now. This thing's kicking your ass. This sentence is KOing you.
You get one more shot. That's it.
Let me do it.
Don't interrupt either of you, okay?
We often say in life, happiness is the journey, not necessarily the destination. I think that sexiness is similar in ways frogs and toads. It is not necessarily a physical place. Sexy lives everywhere in us. Sexy could sometimes be here, it could be there, it could be up, it could be down, it could be left, right, chest, back, feet, eyes, cheeks. Sexy is not tied to a physical plane of existence, but it is more a metaphysical, amoral, amalgus.
The word is feeling.
Feeling.
Amalgus. You would've went for 20 minutes.
So you felt sexy.
Sexy can I Frankie?
Sexy can I? Sexy can I just put in my man? Girl, why you shaking? Got the faded light. Oh! Girl, I'm going, let me go and get my camera. All I wanna know is sexy can I? That's like Ant's favorite song probably. Who did that? That's Ray J.
That's Ray J. Uh, we do have some sponsors.
Not Ray J.
We don't have, yeah, Ray J's not a sponsor.
Ray J's not sponsored?
No, he's not. Uh, but we do have Zocdoc, okay? Zocdoc, uh, this is a website that you can go to, a free app or a website, where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors, um, and click instantly to book an appointment, okay? So before I, uh, you know, when I was on my mother's insurance, I kinda just went to the doctor that she would bring me to. Um, but after that, you kinda have to get your own doctors, because you have different in health insurance. You gotta see who's, who takes your insurance, so you don't have to pay out of pocket. So Zocdoc is great for finding doctors in your areas, because you go there, you go onto the website, or you go on their app, you put in your insurance, and then you click the kinda doctor you want. You want a primary care physician, you want a dermatologist, or whatever. You put that in there, it shows you the ones around you. Uh, they are patient-reviewed, so you know that it's not something that's like paid for or anything.
It's like, these are people's actual experience with these doctors, and their next available appointment, which is usually, you know, anywhere from 24 to 72 hours, so you can have a pretty quick turnaround with that. Um, so stop putting off those doctors' appointments, and go to zocdoc.com/basement to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That is zocdoc, spelled Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash basement. Okay, so go check them out, zocdoc.com slash basement.
Uh, we also have Skims, okay? Skims, uh, they make a bunch of comfortable underwear, alright? Am I wearing, I, I, I am like, pretty much 90% of the time, always wearing Skims. The other 10%, you know what I'm doing. Uh, they recently sent me like their like pajama set.
Woo!
Like, and it's like, it's got like the button up shirt.
Yeah!
Yeah. Oh my god, Skims, they make, uh, very comfortable stuff. Um, great underwear, uh, for the men out there. I know that a lot of people think that it's just for women, it's not. They have great stuff for women, um, that you guys should definitely check out too. But for men also, they have underwear, um, and they got the pajamas, the boy got the pajamas, so they got it. So definitely go check it out. You can shop Skims Men at skims.com, okay? Let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast, and in the survey, uh, select our show in the menu that drops down. So go to skims.com and, uh, go get yourself some comfortable boxers that are gonna leave you feeling nice. Alright?
You know what else feels nice? Supporting the boys, alright? And if you don't do it, do you even like us? You fucking loser. That's a very group two thing of you to do. You know what's very group seven? Patreon.com slash the basement yard. We tell you about it every single week, and by we, I mean me. And why? Because Joe told me that if I don't sell this like fucking crack on this show, he's gonna put a bullet in between my eyes. Go to Patreon.com slash the basement yard and sign up. You get that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. You get that second tier, you get exclusive episodes. Every single Friday. Oh my god! It's worth it, alright? You guys are consistently helping us grow our Patreon following, which is just, uh, allowing us to do some really cool stuff, and we're breaking records over here, and we're so excited.
Your love and support not only got us, uh, the, the, uh, the trophy for being the sexiest podcasters in the world of 2025, and maybe forever, but it also helps us break records on Patreon. So do yourself the favor, go to Patreon.com. Slash the Basement Yard on a web browser if you want to sign up. It's gonna help you save some money. If you use an app, it's gonna charge you a little bit extra because they gotta pay the lizard people that run these big tech companies. And you don't want that to happen. Save yourself some money. Patreon.com slash the Basement Yard. Sign up today. And as this is coming out, there is solo uno mas Basement Yard live show. Okay, and that's Madison Square Garden. You heard us speak earlier about those exclusive jackets that Greg made and you saw the clip.
Those will be available only in limited quantity at the MSG show on Thursday, November 13th. If you're coming. Bring the excitement. We're fucking pumped. It's gonna cause a mental breakdown for some, if not both of us. Uh, but uh, make sure if you're coming to that show, any last minute, uh, you know, additions to the cards. We have a portion of our show where we talk to people about people with people. It's crazy. It's fun. And if you go to thebasementyard.com slash submit, you can get your last minute card in there now. You never know. It might be crazy enough for us to actually talk about it. So go check it out. Thebasementyard.com slash submit. We love you. We miss you. We hug you. We kiss you. We don't want to say anything bad or diss you. So what we're gonna do, we're gonna be snakes and hiss you. And what we're gonna say is that we really.
I know.
Yeah, I got.
Your mouth moves quicker than your head.
You know, sometimes I.
That's kinda crazy.
But your mouth moves quicker when you're giving head.
Head's not always gay, though.
No, no, no.
I didn't say it.
No, I thought the gay one.
I thought the gay one.
Um, I would like to talk about something very serious.
Uh oh.
Kourtney Kardashian came out with a lollipop that you stick in your hoo-ha.
Your, I don't have a hoo-ha.
Right. I mean.
A boy hoo-ha?
A boo-ha?
Can I?
A boo-ha, a brew-ha.
The lollipop that Kourtney, Kourtney. The lollipop that Kourtney Kardashian made that you put in your.
Burgangie.
Your ping-pong. Um, do you think that?
For dudes, it's like, I'm gonna go into the BH, you know, I'm gonna throw it in the sewer.
Wow, that's a great question. Um, really tackling the hard hitting, you know, journalistic, uh...
I think it makes sense for this. I, I think it makes sense.
Well-
It's kinda like a bashful for your thing.
It's through her company, Lemmy, uh, and they make like, like, traditional, like, multivitamins and, and like, sleep gummies and stuff like that.
Damn dude, you could put your puss to sleep with a lollipop.
Put your whole body to sleep. I don't think the lollipop is doing that. I think it's like, there's like bacteria and like, acid, like, balancing stuff in there because-
Hell yeah.
I don't know if you know this.
There's acid in there.
Well, the vagina is like-
Tell us.
Scientifically a place.
And things happen there that-
They've got a pH balance. They're like a pool.
Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause I used to have to balance my pool's pH.
And now-
So you need to check your pH of your BH with her lollipop.
Right, well, yeah. I mean, are you talking in code?
Well, if you're gonna shove it up your own ass.
Well, I didn't plan on doing that.
Well, I mean, you just said, this is where boys would go.
If someone was going to munch my bun, then maybe I would flavor it.
What if it's just for general health? Joey, don't, don't-
That's what you're saying. So the lollipop has health.
The lollipop is health, dude.
Oh, that's awesome.
I, I mean, I, I'm sure they can't make health claims because they're not certified by like, the FDA or whatever.
Laws, rules.
But like, if it's health, you shoving a fucking-
A mine?
A piece of candy up your ass?
Uh, I mean, not a lollipop. That sounds-
I mean, they make like, what are the, remember those pops that were like flute pops? Yeah, they were like whistle pops. It was like-
That's crazy.
The way you guys are talking, I want to make something clear. You know the lollipops aren't being shoved in anything, right?
Wait, what?
Well then, how are they getting up a brigundo?
They're lollipops that have vitamins.
Oh, they eat the lollipop?
Oh, I thought they were shoving the lollipop in there!
Me too!
Oh, are you serious? I thought that was the whole point, that it was like shocking, it was a marketing thing.
They don't shove it in their thing.
Missed opportunity, a rare business blunder.
They're gonna circle back on that.
By the Kardashian clan. Actually, I don't know if you could legally be like, yo, shove this in your thing.
Why? I mean, look at what Gwyneth Paltrow did with Goop.
That was a candle. She didn't say shove a candle in your ass.
No, Goop got famous because she was making crystals and shit that people were shoving in their gunch.
Yeah, but she didn't tell them to do that, did she?
I think it was like part of it, like, yo, throw this up your gumbum bum.
I mean. Now I feel like an idiot.
I mean, that's what makes it so sexy.
Idiots?
Wait, what's in it? What does it do? It's like, there's just like vitamins, it's like health.
So what happens?
Is it like general health, or is it vagina? Because you said vagina.
I think, so I think, so it's an extension of, uh, one of their lines, which I think it's called Lemme Purr.
That's true.
Which it, it's like, it is gummies.
Lemme purr.
I mean, I've got, they sent some to the house, like I, I.
You got some purr?
I'm not purring.
Right. You're purring like a kitty cat.
Beck is taking them, um, but like, they were gummies, so now they probably just took the vitamins that were in the gummies and put them in lollipop form.
But they're for vaginal health.
Yeah, vitamin C and real pineapple extract to help support feminine self-care and overall wellness.
Wait a sec, hold on.
Pineapple lollipop? I'm kind of in on getting this pussy pop.
Yeah, me too. Honestly, are we, does it say that we're not allowed to put it in vagina?
What happens? I mean, I, I think a good rule of thumb is to not shove anything.
You don't want to throw off the pH, but it sounds healthy. Vegan or no? Non-GMO? Gluten free?
I'm assuming it's all that.
I don't want no gluten in my pooping.
Yeah, I don't, I wouldn't want that either.
People are seeming to make fun of it because they don't think it would pass the digestive tract. All like the vitamins and stuff.
That's fair.
Well, that's a good question, yeah.
Well, you know how you bypass that? You go right to the mothership.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, like, exactly.
You go right down there.
You know, straight to the horse's mouth.
That's the way to do it.
You don't go through the, if you want to get to the horse's mouth, you don't go through his ass.
Listen, all, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a huge purveyor of shoving things up asses, okay? I imagine, though, if you want something to get to an ass.
Go to the ass, dude.
Go to the ass.
If you want vitamins to get to the vagini.
Go right to it.
Yeah, dude. You want to go to Antarctica? Why are you in California? Get down there. You know where to go.
Do you want to know how much a pack is?
Um...
How many are in a pack?
A, a, a great question.
So, no information?
What kind of fucking producer are you?
No information. It says, it says, uh, just the new line, what they can be purchased at, and it says packs.
I'm gonna say thirty dollars.
No, no, no, no, cuz here, cuz here's the thing.
Expensive?
I mean, uh, no, the fucking, the, the gummies, it's like a thirty day supply. There's gotta be like thirty lollipops in this bitch.
You can't have a lollipop every day.
Why not? If it's vitamins.
Da, teeth?
Wha- what do you think?
I don't know.
You think people don't brush their teeth?
Uh, yeah, but you're not supposed to eat...
Do you have a little sweet treat every day?
That's different.
It's not a lollipop. It's not for your vagina.
I'm not eating a lollipop every day.
Joey, you think that a lollipop is worse for your teeth than say the fucking handful of Mike and Ikes that you eat?
I haven't had Mike and Ikes in a, in a, actually I had, like, two weeks ago I had.
But before that, it was a long time.
Okay, whatever your sweet treat is that you have every single day.
Sweet treat? Why are you talking like that?
There's five in a pack. Separate article.
Okay, five in one pack. I'm gonna say twenty-five dollars.
I'm gonna say thirty.
Uh, the price exclusively at Target is five ninety-nine.
Whoa! Very good. Very good. See, the Kardashians made up for not telling us to shove us. It's crazy. Yeah, not me.
I think that price means more that they're just lollipops.
I mean, they're healthy lollipops.
Oh, if anything, five ninety-nine is, this is, so this is smart, okay? Dollar twenty a lollipop.
It's not bad.
Start them off low, get people to take them, like them, want them, see that their vagina's doing pretty good, tip-top shape. And then they do what all these big tech companies are doing with their streaming services, and a year, oh, they become six ninety-nine. Oh my god, they're so popular, it's getting so much more expensive to make it, eight ninety-nine. And then in five years' time, you're paying thirty bucks for a couple lollipops that are gonna make your, you know...
Bro.
Your geyser glimmer.
If I had a puss and I could eat a lollipop and make my shit taste like pineapple, I'm paying thirty dollars for fucking five lollipops.
But guess the best way to make it taste like pineapple?
Eat a pineapple.
Or just...
With the pop.
Oh, I thought you, I was like, are you playing guitar?
Play Wonderwall.
Dude, just play a song. It'll all taste like pineapple. Well, there's no easy way to transition out of that, but we do have some sponsors. And if I could pick up my laptop, um, I would get to it. Uh, we have SeatGeek, okay? SeatGeek is where we, where we get all of our tickets for any sort of sporting events or, uh, monster truck rallies. I don't know what ants into, uh, or Broadway plays or anything like that, concerts. You can get those on SeatGeek, okay? I also think that some Basement Yard shows are available on SeatGeek. You never know. Um, but there's over 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek at any given time. So there's a lot out there to go see. Um, so it's not too late for you to take someone special on a date, or maybe just go hang out with your buddy and go to something fun. All right?
And if you're gonna go to something fun, with the holiday season just around the corner, you can give the gift of something fun. Get some tickets to something with SeatGeek. Use the code basement2025 and you will save 10% off of your tickets. Okay? So that is the code basement2025 for 10% off. So just go download that app or go to their website, pick out your tickets. Don't forget to use that code basement2025, uh, and you will get 10% off of those tickets. So you're saving some money and you're making some memories. Thank you, SeatGeek. Uh, we also have Squarespace, okay? Squarespace is the platform that's gonna help you build your website, okay?
Squarespace, they're the best in, in my opinion, okay? They, they are a website that are gonna help you build, um, gonna help you build your website. They have templates that you can use so that you can get a head start. You don't, you know, in, back in the day, you had to like hire a coder and do all this stuff and it was expensive and it would take months. Now it's very easy. You can make a professional looking website in not a lot of time with these templates. You just switch out a few things and you can get everything started. And, uh, you know, having a, a really good looking website is an important thing. Um, you want people to feel safe when they go to your website, like you have a good product and, you know, that's, that's gonna be your, uh, first impression. So it's very important. They also have a lot of other tools that are gonna help you figure out where your traffic's coming from and track everything,
all your data and whatever you need. Uh, they are the best. So head to Squarespace.com/basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay? So the code is basement. So Squarespace.com/basement. Go build your website, send it to me, I wanna see it, I'm curious, alright? All the stuff that we do is powered by Squarespace also, so go to Squarespace.com/spaceman, save that 10% off, you're welcome. Alright. Well. And, uh...
Pussy pops, I guess.
Uh, that is hysterical, I'm sure we are not the only people to have made that same mistake.
I truly thought that.
I mean, I honestly thought it too.
Didn't Kim make the underwear that was like, had like pubes on it?
It has pubes, you had the pub underwear.
And it was like a joke kinda?
Um, I think you could buy it.
Yeah, but it was like a joke marketing thing.
I mean, she also made the nipple bra.
Right, same.
Listen, these women are smart, anything that they put out, it's going to immediately sell out.
Nipples.
And pubes.
Pubes.
You know, what's next?
What, you know what, this is a good question, cuz Skims is one of the sponsors of the show.
You think pubes will come back? You think the Bush will make a return?
I think the Bush is back, baby.
You think it's just back?
I think more, I think that, as we have transitioned into a more sex-positive lifestyle and body-positive lifestyle, more people are embracing the Bush.
Are they?
And, I'm also, I have no idea.
Are you forested up right now?
No, but like...
Forested up?
Yeah, I'm also just saying nothing, I don't know if people, I don't have a fucking ear to the ground with the Bush community.
I just feel like, I wonder if it'll come back, and it'll be like a known thing. You know, like, you know, like back in the day, it was like, oh yeah, Bush is like a thing. And people fuck with it, but now, it's like, it's not.
When was that?
Like the 80s or something?
Oh, when they were just like, yo, like, I've got a Bush.
Yeah, and like, a cigarette as well, you know what I mean? Just like a bush cigarette.
Oh, I, I'm not.
You know what I'm saying?
No, I don't.
Well, that's what I kinda, that's what I picture the eighties like.
Bushes, cigarettes, and cocaine.
And, and, uh, guys.
Saturday Night Fever.
I was gonna say guy, that's the seventies.
Yeah, this is seventies.
I was saying guys wearing like sports coats with like the sleeve rolled up to their elbows.
Now we're talking.
Freestyle, eighties freestyle.
What's that, dancing?
That's where you went?
Well, it's the eighties.
Show us an eighties freestyle dance right now.
Oh, no, no, not a dance. It's like, that's the type of music it's called. Eighties freestyle.
No, eighty was like hair metal, like fucking like Whitesnake and, uh.
Here we go again on my own.
Yeah, Warrant and Guns N' Roses and Aerosmith. That's the eighties, baby.
Oh, my god.
And then like fucking like Devo and Men at Work.
I used to fuck it, I used to shave my pubes all the time.
Yeah?
Like down, like with a razor, like down to the skin.
That's intense.
Yeah, dude. And I was chopping it up, what?
I didn't, that's what.
I was chopping it up sometimes by accident.
Oh, well, duh, I mean, how, what?
Just that's what I do. That's not.
You still do that?
You shit, you, you like a, you're like a bird?
Not a bird, what am I saying that for?
What the fuck, what did birds do?
I meant like a, you're like a. Hairless.
A bird is not what I wanted to say.
Birds famously have many feathers.
Do you do that?
You don't just like trim?
No, it's not much to trim.
Do you use like, oh, you're hairless?
It's how I should razor.
Do you use shaving tr- shaving?
Shaving cream?
You just go raw?
I don't have to.
Raw dog with a razor blade?
What, you sweeney tot? Are you wet at least?
Wet?
No, cause I'm not wet. Pretty dry.
So, let me get this straight.
You're dry?
Even, even my hacking at it dry? I don't think you're realizing how insane this is.
This is crazy, dude.
Yeah, dude.
I'm gonna prep the area.
You basically, you're, you're shaving your man bush, your mush.
Uh huh.
With a just dry, like. Razor.
It doesn't pull?
Who are you?
What are you, what is this, is this a sword?
Are you oily?
How sharp is this thing?
Are you like a seal, you're oil, you got oil on?
You gotta have some natural oil to ya.
Are you slick, are you slick?
You strike me as a slick guy.
I guess I'm pretty slick.
You strike me as a guy that's pretty wet below the belt.
But even, but even on my like, neck and cheeks, I don't, no shaving cream, I don't need shaving cream.
You've never cut yourself?
Nope.
How's that pop?
Show us how you shave right now, your face.
I mean, I think there's only one way.
So it's the razor?
Okay, how do you hold it? Cause I know you don't hold it like a-
I go that.
You hold your chin up?
I go that, right.
Just look up.
Yeah, and then like, some of that?
I, I thought this was open for a second.
That would've been great. You wet the, the razor?
What the fuck are you talking about?
That's crazy dude.
Why, why do you have to wet the razor, doesn't the hairs get stuck then?
On what?
But like, there needs to be some, what he's referencing, is there needs to be some form of lubrication.
Because if not, it's just, you're, you're dry shaving with something that is going to irritate your skin.
Dude, I prep and look at my neck. I always have this, this irritation.
Yeah, I, I get, I get some irritation under here too.
Do I have it?
No! Which is crazy, maybe we gotta stop using this shit.
You're as smooth as fucking-
Butter?
Sure.
You can be smooth like butter?
I'll be smooth like butter?
Yeah, yeah, yes.
Smooth like Jagger?
Moves like Jagger, I'm like, stop that.
Do me a favor, do me a favor, Joey?
Moves like Jagger.
Call him up. Uh-
Damn it.
I just, I, I, I-
That's it.
That's more impressive than anything you've ever told me, you've ever done in your entire life.
Yeah, that is crazy man.
Learning something new every day.
Can you do me a favor, when's the last time you shaved?
Two days ago.
You have a tattoo right on your leg?
I do.
They didn't have to shave you?
She pretended to shave me, it was a whole thing.
Pretended?
Yeah, like they have to-
They have to shave the area, but with you hairless cat.
Yeah, she pretended, I was like, she was like, I don't have to shave, but I already have the razor out, I'm like, whatever. And she shaved it.
And you said, just go, just go dry?
I think they do dry shave you though, for tattoos, which is weird.
So it's like a single razor?
Yeah, because you don't, because, because I'm sure the fucking hair follicles and, you know-
They're like longer.
Skin pores are different on your legs and arms than they are on your face dude.
Dude, that's crazy.
That's really interesting.
Wait, how often did you say you shave?
Every two days.
Two days?
Is that too little?
Dude, I shave like every two weeks.
Well, I can't do that, so as soon as it starts coming out.
You know what this, you know what this is? From, like, I have to like let it grow in and shave and it like comes back.
That's what happens.
But he's saying if he's going for the clean shave, then like when he sees a little bit, it's like, oh, I gotta get rid of this.
Can you do me a favor?
Don't shave your face.
Mm-hmm. November's coming up.
Don't shave, I'm not even saying a month. Go like six months.
Six months? No, I can't do six months.
Do you get on your face?
Joey will give you a thousand dollars.
Joey, do you get on your face?
I just got like the Italian mustache, you know?
Just like this?
You ever grow it out? You kind of got a Gomez Adams thing going here.
I can't grow it out, that's as far as it goes, so that's why I get rid of it.
Please don't shave your face for six months.
I can't, it starts to annoy my neck.
After MSG, what do you got going on?
Shave your neck.
Alright, I'll try, I'll try.
Alright. Do it.
You're gonna beard?
I, I, I promise I will not.
Well, yeah, I don't think you will either.
I won't, I won't be able to do it.
I just wanna see what would happen.
Do you get anything like here?
Like, nothing?
I get some under my lip.
Oh, you got a patch?
Oh, you got a patch like you're, like you play-
A thousand dollars, I'll give you, if you get a soul patch, it'll be horrible.
Like you play guitar.
It's about four hairs.
And smoke, and smoke weed.
And drug crack and crank.
And you're just like, yeah, man, far out. Maybe there are aliens, maybe there, maybe we're the aliens, you say stuff like that?
No, but we were at the party the other day and I was looking around and every single person had facial hair except for me.
What fucking party were you at?
I honestly-
You were there too.
I was there at that party, yeah. I honestly think that if I, like, lost weight and got like a skinnier face, that I would try doing a clean shave look.
And just the mustache?
Yeah, but I don't have the face for it yet.
I mean, People Magazine showed the world what my face looked like cleanly shaved, so.
I haven't, I haven't had a clean shaven face since high school.
Uh, I, like, yeah, it's not, I'm not pumped about it. I'm not pumped about my shaved face.
I just, I don't wanna see it.
Mine.
Okay, I was gonna say, cuz I don't wanna see mine either.
No, no, I don't wanna see mine. Like, I would, I would probably shave it off and be like, well, that's it, I'm staying inside.
I think, I think you would.
No, dude.
You'd be fine.
Frank.
I guarantee you, you'd be like, good.
You'd be like, that's not good.
Alright, let's, let's make a bet.
I'm not shaving my face for anything.
What about, what about if you two shave and then you get me like a beard prosthetic and we flip?
You wanna wear our beards, dude?
Not your beards.
Oh, okay, I thought you wanted to make a beard out of our beards.
You trust us with giving you a beard?
Hair?
What are you gonna, jackass me?
Try to, try to, try to think of him with a beard.
Or like, maybe like stubble?
Or something?
Dude, you'd look sick with a beard.
You should get a stash.
I know. It's life. We all have our problems.
Wait, are you letting that grow? Like, that's how, that's it? Like, it doesn't get thicker?
Yeah, that's pretty much it. It's so bad. It's awful.
That's wild.
I don't know, just the stash, I don't think would work well for you.
I think, I don't think, you'd, you'd look too much like Gary Ridgway.
I mean, go ahead. Who, what, who, what'd he direct?
Shh, look it up.
Gary Ridgway?
Please look it up. Look it up on the screen, cuz I need to see this. Is it, does, will he look like this?
I think so.
The American Serial Killer?
Better known, uh, uh, amongst the, the, the people, is the Green River Killer.
Well, I've seen a video of that guy!
Yeah, well, he's a pretty prominent American serial killer. Wait, did he kill someone in jail or something?
He killed a lot of people.
No, in jail?
Um, you know, I don't know what he did in jail. I know outside what he did.
Why do you know serial killers' names?
I took classes on this stuff.
Oh, so, okay, so they, they, uh...
That'd be a tough one.
Yeah, that's a, that's a good, that's good.
Yeah, I mean, the glasses and everything, brother.
You do have the glasses.
You have better hair than that loser.
I appreciate that.
I can call a serial killer a loser, right?
If he's not, if he's retired, yeah.
I say, I say, also keep the glasses, cuz without the glasses, you'd just look like David Berkowitz.
I'm not doing it.
No, I, I know David Berkowitz.
Look that one up, look it up.
David.
I'm excited to see you.
Another, another serial killer.
Yeah, another serial killer.
Is this the son of Sam?
It is.
It absolutely is.
He's got a big ass head.
It looks medically big.
Honestly, you don't not look like him.
I'll take that.
You should definitely not take that.
That dude's got a thick neck, man. I thought I had a thick neck, but my lord.
Yeah. I can see.
What's going on here?
Looks like my dad.
Yeah, it looks like when like people lay out a mask flat.
That kinda looks like The Rock.
A little bit.
Yeah, what a fucking...
He killed though, we don't like him.
Yeah, no, no. Well, it was his dog.
I feel like if you, no, you're right though. If you actually shaved Joey, you'd just end up looking like Andre Chikatilo.
Andre Chikatilo. Let's see.
Oh, another killer.
Yeah, I mean, I figured they're all gonna be...
This is what you'd look if you shaved.
This is, this is a tough one, Joe.
How do you remember everyone's name? That guy's toothless.
Who, what did he do? Who's this guy?
Another serial killer.
He killed multiple.
He was a, he was a big one.
Serially.
That picture's blurry.
Is he... Yeah, I wouldn't look like that.
No, I don't think.
Looks like Creed from The Office.
He does look like Creed Bratton.
Yeah, he does.
I think you're going for more of like an Albert Fish thing.
I'm not doing this forever.
Yeah, we can, we can, we can.
We can't do it. We can't do this.
He's begging.
He's begging. We can't do this, dude.
Well, this one's the furthest away, probably.
Come on. How can you, this picture's from like 1808. How do you remember this person?
He's got the Keith stash, though.
He does, dude. Honestly, that's a fucking fire look. Like, I would dress up like that. Yeah, that dude looks like he's killed.
You can just tell. I feel like photos like this, like old photos, you're like, I can tell these people have killed people before. You know what I mean?
Looked like the old guy from Home Alone.
Huh?
He looked like the old guy from Home Alone.
Oh, the one that fucking hits people with shovels and shit?
Yeah. What are you doing? Oh, okay. Well, he's pulling a prank, clearly. I can see that he's-
Am I being texted?
Doing-
I just, nah, nothing.
Yeah, and now your phone's picked up, so clearly he's texting you-
I don't know, I thought, I thought I did.
Well, my phone just-
Oh, it's, oh, there it is. Is it you?
Uh, yeah, it might be, I don't know.
Alright.
I'll see.
It's not me.
No, you didn't text me.
I told you, I just-
The world may never know.
See, reverse prank.
Here we are, folks. I don't, I don't, now I'm, I'm very confused, you know? Yeah, I mean, I think, if you can, just grow it out. Six months, that's all you need. Joey said he'll give you a thousand bucks. I mean, what's the, there's- That's something very-
Frank did say that I would give you that.
Would give you a thousand bucks. And he said he'd do, do it, right? Joey?
That was never on record.
We'll see. I'll try.
For a thousand bucks, I mean, might as well, right?
Would you go clean shaven for six months for like, four grand?
Really?
I wouldn't.
Give me the money and I'll do it.
You would do it?
I'll throw, I'll throw in five hundred of that.
Uh, cash!
What do you think, I'm gonna send you a fucking invoice?
I mean, I don't know. Just, I'm just like-
Cash! Snap, answer, cash!
If you look, if you looked at me and said, "Right now,"
"After MSG, six months, clean shaven, for four grand," I'd do it.
No, I don't wanna-
Please?
So close. I almost got him.
It's a good try.
It was a valiant attempt. You guys are always trying to do that.
Get money? Yeah, dude, that's the American way.
Get money!
I bunched into there.
Why am I bunched into there? What did I do?
I mean, you're trying to get money all the time.
Oh, get that money?
Who da-
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Doesn't like a, a good, good, good, good money gotten?
Someone, someone pick up. Someone pick up and take over.
Someone pick up. It's been an interesting, uh, episode so far, honestly.
What was the question that you were asking? Oh, I have a question for you.
Is this an ink question?
Ink question, ink question.
I realize what that sounds like, that song that that person made.
It sounds like, you, you never watch Arrested Development. Did you watch Arrested Development?
A few episodes.
Is that the blue guy? Uh, that is the blue guy, but there was an episode where they had William Hung come in and do...
William Hung, that's a name I haven't heard in a while.
And they had him do a song for like, a, uh, like a judge show with Judge Reinhold. And it was-
Reinhold?
Judge Reinhold, yeah.
I don't know how that is.
He's an actor, his name is Judge Reinhold. And it was called like, uh, it was like one of those like celebrity court shows where like Judge Judy's just like, "I am gonna tell you what is right and wrong." Um, but that's what it sounds like. I can't do the impression because I'm sure it'll get us in trouble.
But, that's what it sounds like. Ink question, ink question. You want the question, then they are from him.
Yeah. Uh, he said if you can delete, what was it?
Uh, if you can erase one emotion from existence, what would it be? Any emotion.
Existence like just for me or the world?
The world. It's gone.
Ooh, that's a great question.
Is there one, is it easier if, like, which one would you erase from yourself right now? And then we'll go to the other one. You seem like you had something.
Well, I, cause I, I think like there are different answers, if it's just like individually, or if it's something that could benefit the entire world.
Yeah, well, do you think that if, that would be the same answer?
Uh, no.
If it benefits you?
No, I don't, I don't. I think that, like, personally, so what do we got here? I, my first one for me as an individual is I was gonna say anger.
You don't wanna be angry?
Yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't think, cause anger, in my head, anger leads to stress, which leads to sexy, which logically-
No, no, no. Um, I just think like personally, when I get angry, I tend to also get stressed and it, and it bogs me down and I don't like it.
Um, but for the world-
What are the pros of being angry, though?
I honestly, I'm sure there are some, I can't think of any-
Like if you have to be like, you have to be, you have to protect yourself, maybe being angry helps a little bit?
Sure, but that's more fear.
I would say that's more fight or flight. It's literally in the name. You're fighting or you're flighting.
Well, anger is kind of a trigger to make you realize something kind of maybe bad's going on, you know?
I mean, I think anger is, in my head, it's like a hostile or volatile response to some stimuli.
Can you talk like a person?
When you ask a serious question, you get a serious frank answer. I'm the sexiest man alive on the podcast.
Don't you ever fucking judge me.
I think anger, also like, if something I did to you would make you angry, right? So that would be how you get me to stop, is if you were angry with me, and that would stop me. But if there is no anger, then what takes place?
But I think that there is a way, but I think there's a way to convey the...
Like how you're feeling, yeah.
How I'm feeling without getting angry.
You know, because, I mean, anger leads to...
What if I'm bothering you?
Again, I think there's a way to convey that. I really don't think I get angry very often, but the times I do get angry, I don't like it.
So that's my fucking personal answer. For the world, envy.
Envy. Envy's a good answer.
Envy's a very good answer.
Envy for the world, because how much of like, I want what that person has, I'm going to plunder and, you know, fucking colonize.
Whoa.
I do feel like envy and jealousy is different, right? And jealousy is like, can motivate you, but envy is like, you want what, like, you want to take it, right?
Envy feels more targeted, I guess.
Yeah, I agree. Envy feels like it has like more malice with it. Like jealousy could just be like, aww, but like envy's like, I want it, I'm going for it.
Yeah, jealousy feels more general, where like, I'm jealous of people who get to go on that trip or something. Envy is like, I envy you, like a person.
It's like, it seems more sinister.
It's, yeah, I definitely think that there is a more negative connotation with envy.
Anxiety's up there.
I mean...
I think you need anxiety.
I was gonna say, I watched Inside Out 2 recently. You need anxiety, my friend.
You definitely need fear as well.
Definitely need fear.
Yeah, absolutely.
Definitely need joy.
Contentment? I mean, that's so stupid, because like, if I get rid of contentment, do I still have happiness? Does one not lead to the other?
You could be happy and not content, I guess.
Yeah, you could keep wanting more, but be happy that you're like, gaining progress, right?
But-
Content means like, you're good where you are, right?
Also, if you're just an unhappy person, then you don't have happiness in your life.
I mean, but can you- I guess frogs and toads. I guess you can have contentment without happiness, but can you have happiness without contentment?
Yeah, I guess you can.
What about shame? No, no I like-
No, shame, shame.
Shame is so needed.
If anything, we need a little more of that, okay?
Amusement? I mean, what do we do for work? I mean, we can't get rid of that.
Uh, disgust? Do we need disgust? Disgust is a tough one.
I think you need it.
But like, disgust feels so major.
I mean, it's one of the emotions in Inside Out. If it's one of the emotions in Inside Out, you need it.
Well, what about like, I don't know, you go to the bathroom and you smell poop?
That's what he said.
How often does that happen to you, that that's an essential part of your life?
That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you want it, you wanna like, or you see like, a rotten piece of food on the ground, you're like, oh, it's disgusting. You don't wanna like, lose that and then go play with it or something.
I mean, I don't think that you lose like, your like-
It's not disgusting anymore.
Yeah, but I'm not picking anything up off the ground and being like, oh, look at this.
Yeah, just because it's disgusting doesn't mean I'm going to avoid it. Like, you still have all the other stuff, you know, and I fucked that up.
But what? I think that's backwards.
Surprise? Do we need it?
We lose surprise birthday parties?
I'm good. I couldn't care less about losing that?
Christmas. What about your children?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, that's, I mean, alright, we're talking for the world here then, yeah, no.
Yeah, yeah, now we need surprise.
I think surprise also-
Envy's probably the answer.
What about contempt?
What is that?
Contempt?
I just know it from Liar Liar.
Do you know what contempt is?
Contempt of court?
Well, yeah, that's what I think of too.
Well, contempt is almost like a, a feeling of like...
Hold on, let Frankie make something up.
No, you feel poorly about somebody. Like, I don't like that person. I feel contempt for them.
Yeah, it's like negative.
It says contempt refers to the feeling that something or someone is unworthy or unimportant.
Unworthy? Jesus Christ.
That's a tough one.
I mean, I guess, I guess that actually is not a bad answer either. Because like, if there was a feeling like, I, I'm thinking of this in the world, like, I'm thinking of like, positions of power. And like, how many times has it been like, well, that person doesn't... They're not worthy of what they have, so I'm going to take it for myself. But I guess that's a combination of contempt and envy and jealousy and...
Ooh, rage? Cause rage, I guess, is just...
Rage is like, out of control. That feels like serial killer, like, you're raging.
If you get rid of anger, you probably got rid of rage, right?
Hmm, I mean, if...
I'm on envy. That was a good answer.
Envy was a great answer. And I, I'm, that's, not only am I the sexiest podcaster in the world, I'm also kinda one of the smartest with that answer.
I might go envy as well. Was envy in Inside Out?
Uh, envy, uh, no. Ooh, was envy?
How many?
Yes, yes, envy was in the second one.
So maybe it is important?
She's, it's voiced by, uh, oh, fuck, what's her name? Don't tell me, don't tell me. Everyone shut up. Uh, uh, she was in Bottoms, she was in a couple of episodes of, uh, Abbott Elementary.
It's the one, she's also from The Bear, I believe?
Yes, that's, yeah, I should probably know that. Although, I've never seen that...
Oh, really?
Show past season, episode one. Fuck, what's her name?
Oh, man.
Give me a hint.
A?
Oh, I know.
Give me another hint.
Y?
I O A debris.
That's what you were talking about? I, I mean, I...
She plays envy, she plays envy in the second, uh, Inside Out.
Oh, wow.
You should watch those movies. I know you've never seen them. They're really, really good.
I've seen, and I've, I, I'm very sensitive, so I will see that and cry probably very heartily.
Can you imagine Joe watching that that movie, the first one and seeing Bing Bong?
Yeah dude, Take Her to the Moon for me? Fucked my balls when I saw that.
Which emotion here do you think that like? Which emotion do you think's like normal but can be too like scary?
Anxiety. That's an easy answer.
Normal?
Like when it's like too much in abundance, like which one is the worst? Even though like out of the normal ones?
Anxiety. I just said my answer.
What about love?
Too much love?
Well, when it's too much?
What's too much love?
No, but see, when it gets scary, then it becomes something else, then it's not love, then it's envy or...
Like stalkery kinda?
What is that? Like what is, like when people are stalkers, what is that?
What emotion that is?
Like what's going on?
Cause it's not love. You know what I mean? Like what are you, what is this?
That's a great question. I don't know. I mean...
Uh, obsession?
Yeah. Obsession, yeah.
But like what is that?
Uh...
Like what are they hoping to gain?
Like friendship or something? I mean, I, I think the fact that you're unable to figure it out proves that you're not a stalker and a freak.
I see obsession, uh, jealousy.
Is that the fucking rain?
Yeah. That sounds like there's someone dumping buckets on the building, dude.
No, yeah, that's totally the rain. Holy shit.
Hell, it is raining like hell.
That's totally the rain.
Holy rain!
Totally the rain.
Totally.
The rain.
Say that Spanish word again. Per.
Parra.
Per.
Para.
Paella.
Paella. Oh, I love a paella.
Could go for one right now.
That would crush.
You ever have paella? No fucking way.
Yeah, I have.
Of course he has. He's a, I gotta say, you're not like a, like typical, um...
This is gonna be offensive.
It will.
It's okay.
Like you like different, you try different types of foods and stuff like that?
Ex... Yeah, I, I got a good palate.
I explore.
Any foods that outside, I know you don't like beer, I know you don't like pickles, but any foods that you're just like, I don't even think I'm gonna try that?
Um, like, not even gonna try it, I don't know. I'll try most things. Maybe not, like, certain fish, like, if it looks like a fish, I don't like it.
Really? Branzino, dude.
Brands, the brands, baby. Oh, the brands!
If you're gonna tell me you're not getting a roasted brands with, like, cherry tomatoes?
Dude, get it.
It just looks like a full, it looks, it's a fish.
Yeah, but the inside, whether it looks like it or not, it's, you're eating...
The inside.
They bring it out with the head, too, it's like, oh, come on.
I don't need the eyes, but...
You know, it is what it is.
But, yeah, other than that, I'll try, every, anything once.
Anything?
Most things once.
Most things?
Great, we can get them.
Leaves the door open for you.
Well, there you have it, folks.
I don't know. That is our show for today. We appreciate you guys, uh, watching all the way through, we appreciate it. Thank you for, uh, all the support on Patreon and whatnot. Uh, MSG is coming up, this is fucking crazy, so, thank you guys so much for all the love and support. Frank, where, where can they find you?
Aunt?
Aunt Prisco on Instagram.
You can follow the show at The Basement Yard, and that is all.
Well, now, I gotta get mine in, the Frank, the Frank Alvarez everywhere.
Well, there you go, you skipped.
Well, I didn't know you would actually allow him to do it!
I didn't, I mean, he, I've, that's all. See you guys next time.
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