The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. Me and Frank are sitting next to each other today, and it's not because we like each other more than we actually do. Which could be true, we don't know.
No, wait. I'm very confused. That's a weird place to start. Let's start again. We're sitting next to each other because...
We have a special guest today, or two special guests.
Two special guests.
Make some noise, there's no one here. For Rhett and Link, everybody.
This is gonna be an interesting dynamic, because you guys are now not looking at each other.
I know.
This is a thing that we run into, especially with Link. He doesn't have peripheral vision because of his glasses.
I can't see him at all right now. I still can't see him, I still can't see him, and now I still can't see him.
I can see him now.
He doesn't know when other people are talking a lot of times.
So he'll just start talking.
And he needs a visual cue.
And he is me. What?
Now I'm confused of what's going on.
Thanks for letting us use your desk.
Yeah.
That's my desk.
Link is an interrupter, I'm just saying this is gonna make it worse. And I'm gonna see how this works for you guys.
I mean, I think it might work for the better of the episode on our end, because normally I wanna jump over and strangle him. I think I have the opportunity to do it now, if I really need to.
Yeah, he can't get away.
It's more of a gentle reach and strangle.
It's just like one of these. Instead of a, like, if I gotta get up and move, that's a lot of energy to put into physically harming him.
Which he could do, which he will be sued, if he does do that.
You're gonna sue your own company?
Do it, bitch.
I feel like we're, like, duly newscasters.
We're gonna throw it over to weather.
You guys are the newscasters. But we were in, at your...
This is what I was actually worried about here. This is what I was actually worried about here.
I didn't even plan on that. It just happened, so.
That was beautiful.
We'll see what else happens.
Your body just did it out of nowhere. Uh, we were in, don't copy us.
Not gonna happen.
Wow, okay. There you go.
He has very sweaty hands.
I do, yeah.
You're a clammy guy?
Uh, yeah.
So clammy.
Have been.
Who do you think, you're pretty clammy, honestly. You touched me and it was a little wet.
Well, I just washed my hands.
That could be it.
When I was in high school, my dad got me a prescription to something called Dry Sol, which was, he was like, "We gotta put something on your hands because of basketball. You gotta be able to catch that basketball."
Why? You were dropping the ball? You turned the ball over a lot?
Well, I wasn't.
Dude, your dad told you you sucked at basketball?
I was actually pretty good at basketball. That's the thing. It was, I was insulted by it.
He was blaming your hands.
Maybe I was like, I'm a little bit worried about how sweaty my hands get, so we got some Dry Sol, but I don't use that anymore.
It still is on the market and, um...
It's a thing?
It is our...
Well, now there's that, uh, there's that other product. I'm not a spokesperson for it, so I'm not gonna mention it.
Glove's smart.
But they're not, um, my hands are not nearly as bad as they were in high school. That's not a bad.
Lick it.
Yeah, lick it.
It's as if it's already been licked.
No, it's not that bad. It really isn't that bad.
Yeah, I mean, if you're, if you're like, having to like, your father is giving you a product to deal with something, you might need to admit it might be a little, a little bad.
It was very bad and now it's sort of bad.
Is it like a powder? What is it?
Uh, no, it was a, it was a liquid. It was, I think it was just alcohol.
Got it.
I think it was just alcohol that you had to get a prescription for.
Nice.
Oh, that's kinda cool.
I didn't grow up with my father.
Oh, so no one told you that you had disgusting hands either?
Uh, no, I have the driest hands in the world.
Oh, that's why you guys work so well. He's wet, you're dry.
Yeah, it's a Jack's Brat type thing.
There's, there's gotta be like a correlation between like a father's love and just like abnormally dry hands or something like that because I had
some of his love, but I had pretty wet hands too, so maybe it aligns.
Wait, are you saying that dads have dry hands or?
The, he's saying that the more your dad actively loves you, the wetter your hands get.
I would say so, yeah. Your body feels more expressive to excrete whatever.
I feel that.
You, you, you do, right?
I feel that. I feel like my dad loves me a little bit less than he did when I was a child and so my hands are a little bit
They're drying up, yeah, they're drying up of his love.
Right.
Well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that. Now we know why people have wet hands and dry hands.
We, we, when it comes to like parent stuff, we, we're, we're interesting on here because we openly talk about
really needing the love of our dads.
Yep.
So, so forgive us if, uh, actually you brought it up, you struck the chord.
Yeah, I was trying to tee it up for you guys. While we're talking about, while we're talking about family, I didn't think I was gonna mention this. I, speaking of my dad, I had a dream last night.
This is good.
Yes.
About my grandmother, his mom, Mom and El, who has been no long, no, no longer with us for like 20 years, so it's okay. It's not too soon, Mom and El, if you're watching.
She has been no longer with us.
I was at my parents' old house, the house that I grew up in. Mom and El was there. She choked and I had to give her the Heimlich and she, nothing, she died. It didn't come up.
You killed your grandma in your dream last night?
No, no, she died of choking, but I couldn't solve it. And I was, listen, and she was like-
She's a frail woman.
She was so little and I thought I was gonna break her and I was like giving her the Heimlich and then my brother, I'm, I'm yelling, "Cole, Dad, Mom and El's choking!" And then my dad's like, "Mom and El's choking!" He's like making fun of me from across the house. Like I'm making it up.
So wait, she died in your arms? Does she go limp?
I, she just, yeah, I, and then I just like sit her down and then-
Oh, you gave up?
Yeah, I, I was like, I did, I did. I was like, and then my, and just me and my mom standing there. It was a horrible, I wanted to start the podcast on a positive note.
No, this is a great note.
You sat her down and she was just sitting in like a chair and she's just-
Yes. I don't know how she spoke. And then I was thinking, am I gonna get charged with something? Like, because if you can't save somebody, I mean, I was in a dream state, you know?
So your grandma dies and your first thought is, am I gonna get in trouble?
Uh oh.
What's gonna happen? Yeah, that is a complex.
He skipped grieving and he's like, I need to get out of this.
She's been dead for 20 years. I'm going to Mexico.
So, so something you might not know about us, we are dream experts, self-appointed.
Great.
Um, a big part of this is obviously going to be what she was eating. What did she choke on? Because that, that is very symbolic of maybe some guilt that you carry with you in your very, very non-dry hands. Okay.
I thought she only ate corn liquor.
Sounds like a country song.
She had like a, a liquid diet of.
That might have been.
Whiskey. She was a whiskey.
She was a whiskey lady.
She wasn't choking on whiskey.
My grandma was a Manhattan lady.
Yeah. My, my grandmother was a, say it, pills lady. In terms of she needed them to remember anything.
Right, yeah.
Well, Mama L would drink whiskey every night and then she would take her teeth out for us, me and my brother. She would be like, you want me to take my teeth out? And she'd take them out and then she'd talk with her teeth out and it was the most entertaining thing I've ever experienced.
That sounds awesome.
Now you go to bed.
She, well.
You gotta kinda go to bed when my teeth come out.
I don't remember. That's a pretty good impression. Did you know Mama L?
I, I met Mama L, yeah.
Mama Nell, excuse me. Okay, and is that the best impression?
Seemed very prone to choking. Did you just call her Mama Hill?
L, L.
Okay, right.
Like, like.
We don't know where she's at.
L for lost her life. I don't like. I'm not making any assumptions, but.
Dude, was it like the whole teeth or did she take like a couple like a hockey player?
The whole thing. She was gums.
Do they really put them in like a glass of water like you see in movies and?
She put them in the whiskey.
Oh, that's, that's pretty smart.
Gotta let these marinate overnight.
So she can get a little drink around when she wakes up.
First thing in the morning.
Yeah, gotta suck it off.
Yeah, so answer that quietly. Do you know what they're trying to interpret your dream? What did she eat?
I came into the kitchen late, but this is all related to a real life event where during Christmas dinner one year, I told you about this. He choked at the table and she choked in front of everybody. And my, and my family, we're not. We're not really quick to intervene. We like work this out on your own.
Yeah, you got it.
You know, we're like, we'll give you a second.
You're starting to ruin dinner, so figure it out.
Exactly. We were all having a good time and now you're choking.
Alright, the floor is yours. Go ahead.
And she choked and then she spit it onto her plate. And it was, it was Christmas dinner. It was, let me probably ham. So I think it, this was a regurgitation, if you will, of that memory. So it's probably ham.
Wow.
Okay.
Have you ever given someone the Heimlich and like saved a life?
Nope.
You're a big dude. If you gave someone the Heimlich, especially Mama Nell.
You're.
You're supposed to break a rib.
Her rib cage, it's a wrap.
Well, have you seen the thing on TikTok that?
The Suck Back.
I got one.
You got one?
I got one, yeah, because I saw it happened to the Situation.
What? You said me?
The Situation.
Oh, Jersey Shore.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He fucking, he, he saw the product, he got it, and it fucking, his kid was choking and it saved his kid's life. And I was like, buy five of these things, because they're like.
Single loaded shot, like cartridges.
What?
So, yeah, so it comes with like, it looks like a plunger. And then in there are little mouthpieces and each one is like a single shot. So we have a couple at the house.
You have one on your person?
Not on my person. They're at home with the kids. Why am I, what is the point of, my wife is with the kids right now. If I bring it with me, she's gonna be like.
Why start choking?
Right there.
Yeah, I got you. But I don't think it'll work over facial hair, because I don't think you can get a tight seal.
I. I need more, I, I cannot visualize this thing yet. You're saying someone's choking.
I get this ad.
You have to pick the right mouthpiece to put on it before.
Yeah, I mean, listen, it's not perfect technology, but if it worked on the Situation's kid, I like to think it'd work on someone that I know.
And then it makes a seal on the mouth and then you pull something back?
It'll suck whatever's in your throat out.
Like a, whatever you're choking.
Way better than the Heimlich.
It's like a reverse Super Soaker.
See, I, I imagine it would be like a plunger, like I would just in and out, because either the food is coming out or it's going.
Do that again.
Or it's going, you're either pushing it deeper.
I'm pushing it deeper. I mean, is that not?
If, yeah, if it goes to the bottom of the lungs, they'll be fine.
Well, wait, hold on. This is a serious question.
If you ask that question, I'm gonna kick you out.
When you choke on food, it gets stuck in your lungs or just in your throat?
That was the question. No.
If it goes in your lungs, you don't die immediately, but if they don't do emergency surgery, you will die a couple of days later.
Oh, we got days.
Let me recant my judgment. That's possible? Something can get in your lungs like that?
Yeah, if food gets into your lungs.
Well, yeah.
It causes a.
Aspiration.
Yeah. This happened on the, uh, the only reason I know this is because it was just on an episode of Pitt. The Pit.
The Pit.
Everyone loves that show. I haven't seen it.
I ain't watching that.
I have no idea what that is.
I don't, I mean.
You don't like medical shows?
Uh-uh.
Every, everyone was into it, so I felt like I needed to watch it, but then I was like, you guys just tricked me into watching another medical drama.
Uh, I can't watch those shows and think any of it is real.
You should hit that, you should hit yourself with that thing, just for fun. That's how it is.
I mean, I don't want to. I'm gonna save it for like, God forbid, like, we need it on one of the kids.
That seems, but you should know how to use it.
Well, it comes with like a little card and with like pictures on it.
And you've read the card already?
I've seen it. I, I've seen that the card is there.
You should test it on one of the neighbor's kids.
It's kinda like a taser.
You gotta, you gotta make sure that it works.
You gotta get tased in order to like, understand the power of the taser. So then you gotta.
It's a pretty good point, honestly.
Suck back yourself.
It's called Life, LifeVac, by the way.
Free plug for them, by the way.
Are you doing the long cuts on your hot dogs?
Listen, my friend, hot dogs don't last long enough to be cut in my house, okay? There's a hot dog about.
A long cut?
Well, a hot dog is the perfect shape to get stuck in a child's throat, and then that's it.
See, this is, I, I gotta, I, I'm gonna.
It's a good little trick of the trade.
I'm gonna be really honest with something. It's like we're talking into our future selves. Like, you seem like, you have the information that we need. Like, we love hot dogs.
We're big hot dog fans.
So now, as you're presenting us with a more responsible way of eating hot dogs, which, the responsible way to eat hot dogs is to not, because apparently they're not good for you.
That's, that's what we need.
That's the information that we need here.
So you like, you spatchcock this thing?
I don't do this anymore. My kids.
Spread eagle with that.
My kids are past the choking stage.
At least in that form. And so, basically, uh, you, you cut them. Long like this, and then now you have like basically this. This can't, you can't choke on this. Because air gets through that side. You see that?
Yeah, yeah.
Go ahead.
Oh, you make like a, got it.
When you put that in your mouth.
Well, they're gonna clip that.
Yeah, yeah, that's immediately gone.
You saw, I could, there's no way I could choke doing what I just did.
I don't, I hope I wasn't in it.
So what would be the?
I think I was smiling. I think I was looking at him and smiling.
Hold his back and his hair back when he does it, that's done.
So, you think that we are older future yous?
That would be nice.
I would love if that ends up working out for us.
I'll take that as...
Yeah, I, I think I like this.
I mean, looks wise. Let's just, let's start there, okay?
Yep, right.
Let's start there. Alright? We already have established.
Momoa.
Momoa all day, every day.
Alright, and I mean, it just works, and it's not like we're making this up.
The universe has provided us with this.
It's said to us all the time.
Now there's two.
I mean, it just, it works. And then, I mean, you guys, you got, you got the salt and pepper going on, which is working very well for you.
Uh huh, yep.
You're lean, okay?
You wear glasses.
I just got new glasses today.
See?
Oh, you did?
And it just, it feels like, like Joey loves wearing things, like, patterns and stuff like that, that are like, right now you're wearing this?
It makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So like, if this is what we have to look forward to, very happy.
Yes. Also, very successful. I'll take that as a trajectory, you know?
I'll take that.
What else do you guys need to know besides hot dog cutting, though?
That's it.
Oh.
A lot of, a lot of what we are known for is our, uh, uh, passion for hot dogs, uh, our enjoyment of hot dogs.
You got any other adjectives?
The intensity and fervor at which we consume them.
Fervor?
That's a good one.
Bet you didn't think we were gonna say that.
I am surprised.
You guys cool with hot dogs?
I love hot dogs.
My wife has never eaten a hot dog.
Divorce her.
Where she's-
Now she's young. She's really young.
Why, why?
She's older than me.
She's never eaten a hot dog?
My glasses are fogging up.
It's a little toast.
Now-
If you're gonna start wearing glasses, they will fog up.
I feel like I need to defend your wife in this situation because when you say, "My wife has never eaten a hot dog."
She's just been against it.
It might be like, oh, she's like super picky and she feels like she's a bu- no, like, me and his wife have like very similar tastes.
Her name is Christie.
Almost across the board.
Let's, let's, let's call her by her name.
Let's just call her wife.
Thank you.
But yeah, this one thing, she just, somebody told her a story about what was in a hot dog when she was a kid.
I'm a super picky eater, but she is not. She embraces everything except hot dogs because it's, she always knew that it's, there's disturbing things lurking in there.
Oh, of course, yeah.
See, I was older when I got that and it was already too late.
Too late.
Had I been debriefed at four, I probably wouldn't love them.
Right. And, and, and I'll be honest, it had the opposite effect on me. I found out about the questionable things in it, made me more excited to eat it.
Interesting.
I thought I'd be like patient zero. They'd be like, well, it didn't mess him up.
Now you're just making a point like, no, they are healthy.
I will continue to eat these and be fine.
Absolutely, but we fully commit to hot dogs here. I can't believe, like, and you've tried to like offer like, here, try this hot dog.
Well, he's not much of a hot dog guy.
I was gonna say-
I'm the last person to force any food on anybody.
What's like one food that you're like, absolutely not?
Because he does that to me all the time and I'm like, I don't wanna do that to anybody else.
What's, what's, what are some foods that you're like, absolutely not?
Olives.
Come on!
I don't like them either. One of my favorite foods.
Hot dogs and olives dude, we're right here.
I don't like them. What else? What else you got?
Yeah, um.
Tuna fish? I feel like tuna fish.
Pretty much it, but I don't really like, um, I can eat tuna in a...
Raw tomatoes.
Tomatoes, no tomatoes.
No cherry tomatoes though?
No tomatoes.
He said, he literally specified.
You sound like me, cause I'm like, hold on, heirloom?
I like, I like, you got, you're getting the bad ones, man.
No.
Like I get the big slices of tomato, they're a little annoying, but like a cherry tomato.
Tomato adjacent products, ketchup, marinara sauce.
All that's good.
Oh, I was gonna say.
And I'll drink a V8 on a plane.
That's insane.
A V8?
I don't know, something about...
That's so funny.
A V8 is crazy, that's like a 90 year old drink.
Right. I would never, I would never ever have a V8, but then on a plane, it's just, it's just...
We were just...
Your taste changed.
I gotta tell you.
Does it really, cause we were just talking about that, we took, when we were in Columbus, we got there and we were just like, for some reason, on planes, people just drink straight up V8. And they're like, maybe it's like a Bloody Mary thing.
No, your taste changed at that altitude.
See, this is why, like, we need this information.
Yeah, see, now you know.
We would've assumed this and ran with it as if it was absolute fact, but now, we're just gonna take your word on it.
I actually flavored the food differently to anticipate that change. It's also one of the reasons that ginger ale is so popular on planes.
Are you lying? Because I, like, I, this is dangerous what you're doing.
No, it's not.
You're saying with such, it's such a conviction.
I think it's dangerous to ask, because, hey, I learned to not ask years ago, because my world would just repeatedly crumble.
In middle school, I remember one day I showed up at the lunch table, and then Rhett starts to talk, he's like, he's doing something like this, and then, he's eating, and I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm activating the molecules in my food.
Hell yeah.
It tastes better if you shake it.
This is, you know what, you guys are very alike, cause that does sound like something he would do.
And I got a lot of people in the cafeteria to do it. Now, I knew that that was bullshit.
You're walking in and everyone's just kinda like, whoa! But you just wanted to see if you could.
Yeah, yeah. So...
Incredible.
Everything I've said up to this point is true as far as I know it, but if I begin lying...
It will sound exactly like the truth.
You're a big fan of gaslighting is what I'm gathering here.
Uh, for fun, yeah.
Then it's not technically gaslighting if it's for fun. It's pranks.
Yeah, yeah. It's all pranks. I don't do it for, I don't emotionally manipulate people.
The only reason he's glad to have children is because it's more people to lie to.
I've told so many lies to my kids. Are you, are you lying to your children?
Oh my god, I love it.
Yeah, it's the best part.
It feels like that's what you're supposed to do.
It is a foundational part of being a parent is you need to lie to them because then if they figure it out on their own, you're done. You're screwed. You've lost.
What's like the biggest lie? Cause I, I like, I think, I don't have any children, but I would, I would think that I would make up like really good ones. Like I would tell my kids that I invented the moon and shit like.
Yeah, those are, those are good ones. Like toothpicks used to be 12 inches.
Why would I lie to that one? I mean, I, I like it. I'll use it.
Right, because.
It's meaningless.
Because it doesn't, it, I mean, if they repeat it, there's just more fun to be had.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, you just don't want to start lying in order to like change their behavior.
Like, you know, Santa's watching.
Or worse, you don't want to do that.
Yeah, who would do that?
But like.
Inconsequential.
All humans are born with six fingers on their left hand, but then they eat it right before they're born.
That's a good one. I did, I, we, we were like trying our youngest to like potty train her right now. The best one that we got going right now is a monster will eat your butt. Like if you don't let us change your diaper, you'll get a monster in your butt and it'll eat you. And.
That's good.
And were there follow-up questions from your?
What are you saying to ask?
I mean, no, she, Mabe is very inquisitive. She, she asks why, how, when. That's the scary one.
Those are also my questions. My questions are. How did you get there? How did you get?
And why did you use the phrase eat your butt?
That's what I want to know as well.
Well, because it's just, you know, the diaper is a, an all encompassing prison around, you know, like that's how she feels. So I'm like, all right.
How can I make her feel more comfortable?
Monster.
Let her believe that there will be a monster. And then who's going to save the day? Daddy.
Daddy will save the, or mommy.
Wait, so what are you trying to accomplish?
Get her afraid of not changing her diaper.
And then she uses the.
So you're saying that if she poops in her diaper, that is attracting the monster?
It is. No, it's making a monster. There's monsters.
There's monsters. It's like an episode of Goosebumps, you know, put it like that.
It's like a monster sludge.
I've never seen that episode.
I still don't understand.
We all have, it's, it's like the idea of like, we all have two bears in us, you know, like the bear that we feed and the bear that, you know, we don't feed and like what?
Manifests. We all have poop monsters in us.
Are you allowing the poop monster to take control of you or are you getting rid of that poop monster?
Before.
So, okay.
Really?
Because the poop is the monster?
And it is.
The reason for the monster.
It's quite poetic.
It's like a primordial soup.
It is what it is. What's feeding it is what it is. Now I don't know.
I mean, it is, it is a classic Grecian, you know, tragedy of our own hubris. You know, we give way to what is eventually going to be our downfall.
Now you got him going.
Listen, we have told ourselves stories as a society for millennia.
So many years.
In order to control our behavior.
We've made things up that probably aren't real in order to make sure we do the right things. You're just following in the tradition of humanity.
Who am I if not a part of this folklore history that we have had as a human race?
So this is your like Greek mythology?
This is exactly what that is.
You know, I mean, what is the difference between the gods of the Greek pantheon?
And a poop monster.
Really, nothing.
I don't think so.
You don't know that for sure.
We, I think we know it with a good amount of confidence.
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Do you have like a big lie that you told your kids growing up?
I'm still concerned about. It's Maeve?
Yes, Maeve.
Maeve, I mean, I mean, whenever she has a BM.
If I may.
I mean, is she screaming in terror?
She will.
I mean, if she does, we'll handle it then. You know how it is. Whatever works at the moment.
Daddy will slay the poop monster at that point.
That, exactly.
He'll never be back.
Exactly. It's like, it's like the Riddler.
Yeah, okay.
Now we're. This is inception of.
The Riddler can create the, the, the, the crime. And then be there to clean up the pieces and people are like, oh my God, the Riddler is kind of not a bad guy anymore, guys. He saved the day. Create the issue with the poop monster. So then if it comes up, she gets a little freaked out.
Who's gonna save it? Daddy.
So I think the lesson that I'm learning here as someone who's not a father yet is traumatize them so that you can be the hero in that story.
Is there nothing more?
Parenting.
Is there nothing more noble and selfless?
True, because they need that. They need a hero.
I know you lie to your kids all the time. I don't know if you remember any of it.
It's been so many years at this point, you know?
So many years of lying.
I mean, my youngest child is now 17 years old. That's how old I am.
That's crazy. Good for you.
At a certain point, the tables turn and they start lying to us.
Now they just lie to me.
But I can tell. I can tell now.
They're paying you back.
Yeah, I can see.
Do you get mad at those lies or are you just like, nice try, but I'm, daddy knows best?
I'm mostly amused by them, like, I'm not gonna give the specifics of this story, which may make it much less funny to tell, so I'll make it very short.
But...
Well, you're choosing to protect...
Some privacy instead of going with entertainment?
When he was fifteen, we knew that he had done something. He made up a lie. But the lie he made up was like five times worse than the thing that we knew he had done.
Did that.
And then, when I found out, I was like, "I know that you're lying about this, but just so you understand, the lie that you made up is worse than the thing that you actually did."
And he was like, "Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking."
Quite noble of him.
So we just had a conversation about, "If you're gonna lie, let's learn how to do it well."
Yeah, like, it's supposed to be less, you know, he's done that before. There's a story we've told on this podcast before where he, was it a new cellphone?
Uh, yes.
He got a brand-new cellphone and he drank a lot of Coca-Cola before bed.
Oh, yeah.
So he ended up peeing the bed, breaking the phone, so his dad...
You peed on the phone?
He peed everywhere, not just the phone. He got everything.
Yeah, it was collateral damage at that point.
But then his dad was very upset, so he's like, "I gotta think of something. I can't tell him that I peed the bed because I drank all this Coca-Cola." So instead, he inferred that he had a wet dream.
He upgraded.
He upgraded to the wettest dream that's ever existed.
Dad, I came on the phone.
Yeah, that's exactly what...
I came so much on the phone that it broke. Well, I was, like, there's no way, like, in the same way that you're like, "I'm just like choosing to believe their story and playing along." What is going through your dad's head in that moment?
I mean, I knew my dad was pissed because I was, what, we were thirteen at the time. It was a brand-new Nextel. And I know it was expensive, and I know, it was like a chore just to get the phone, as it was.
So, in my head, I'm thinking, "All right, I know he's upset because there's..."
Stains everywhere, uh, uh, cause I'd slept on like, on like a little like mat and he was, it was just part of-
You thought I'm Matt?
It was like on the mat, on the bed. It was, it was, it was a weird divorce parents.
And I was thinking like, alright, I know my dad really wants to be included in like the whole like me growing up and sharing with him and like being a, being a, like dad, I'm gonna tell you a, a, another like relatable guy thing. So he could just be like, you know what? I know what this is like. Don't worry about it, son.
You came on your phone for him.
I did.
To be closer to dad.
I-
Well, well done, son. It's quite, it's quite a lot of coffee.
Ow, my god.
Did he say anything?
He was pissed. Hey, I remember he was sitting down.
He didn't mention like there was, that he was like, he didn't go, what? No, you didn't.
No, so he, so he was sitting down with a blow dryer.
Drying, drying the mat.
It's gonna get hard if you do that. If it's what, if it's what you're saying it is.
And now this is-
Dad, I wouldn't do that, dad.
This is my dad in 2005, freshly quit smoking cigarettes.
Oh, he's stressed.
He's, he's stressed for several reasons.
Oh, my god.
And, and, and I told, and I'm like, you know, it, it, I explained, you know, the, the story you told. And he just goes, no. Nope. He instantly called it. He immediately called my bluff. And I just, at that point, I had to double and triple down on it.
So, um, yeah, he, I mean, if he, if and when he sees this, he'll know. Or if he already knows, he probably already.
Oh, wow. You haven't cleared it up with him.
No, no, no.
No, you didn't, Frank. Uh, no, you didn't.
Yeah. Yeah, but it was, you know, in that moment, I was thinking more of him than I was of myself.
More heroic acts.
Now, have you peed the bed as adult men?
Uh, funny you say that. Within the last 365 days, I have peed my pants. In the mid- shorts, I was in bed and I was having a dream that I was peeing. This has happened before, but like, and then when I woke up, I was like, I peeing. And then I look and like, I didn't full, fully pee. I had more pee. But there was, it was not a couple of drops.
That happened to me this year.
The tube.
I, I was able to use my muscles. I didn't physically put a clothespin on it.
But I woke up and I was like, oh my God, I'm peeing.
Yep. Same thing happened to me this year.
At a fancy hotel.
Pee in fancy hotel bed?
That's, that's the time to pee though.
And.
Was it a full?
It wasn't a full, uh, release, but it was enough to leave my pants and get onto the bed.
That's a lot.
Uh, but Link did it at his mom's.
At his mom's house.
As an adult?
As, yeah, it was like a couple of years, three years ago, maybe.
I was, uh, I was, I was in the bed at my mom's house.
With Christie.
Your wife?
And I just.
We got that part, yeah.
I woke up. Woke up peeing.
Woke up peeing.
Could not stop it.
Wait, you full peed?
Full.
And your wife was like, what?
She didn't, well, she didn't wake up immediately. And so like, then I, I had to do a, I had to do a manual pinch.
Yeah. Well, yeah, system override.
Yeah, system override. Exactly.
Right there. So I, and then I'm like, I'm getting out of bed and I'm, I'm running to the bathroom. And there was more. So I guess it wasn't full.
But it was a lot.
It was so much.
You're about eighty percent through?
It was enough.
Where were you on the bell curve though? You know what I'm talking? Were you like in the middle or were you like coming down?
I think I was like right at the peak.
You're at the peak.
Because there was still some pressure when I got to the toilet. And then when I turned around and went back to the bedroom, like all the way down the hallway, there was just like.
Oh, you had leaks.
Drippy drips.
Did you pee through your, did you pee through your knuckles?
What does that even mean?
I was using my fingertips.
I asked a question.
Do you think that he was going like this?
Yeah, yeah, that's a hard technique.
I wasn't grabbing it like, like a...
And then P could get through?
Yeah, yeah, well, yeah.
I don't know what he's got working with over there. That's more disrespectful than anything.
Right, okay, I see what you're saying.
Just grab the bottom.
You just figured a pinch wasn't enough.
That's, that's...
Well, no, I'm just saying, like, there's different ways, listen.
It requires two hands.
I mean, some of us, some of us.
You would grab it like an eagle? You would, you would, you say?
It's like, like I captured a bird.
Yeah, it's not like opening a doorknob.
So, like, so what was the, did your mom find out?
Um, well, Christie, I got, I like laid down a, I was like, I'm gonna deal with this in the morning. I like put down a towel.
Oh, yeah, towel.
And then I just laid back down on a towel. And then when, like, a couple of hours later, when she rolls over and went, she was like, why is there a, why is there a towel here? And she was like, and I was like, Dad, I had an amazing wet dream.
And you did that for her?
Right, that was smart.
Yeah, that was good.
Uh, but yeah, I, I ended up telling my mom that, uh, we were gonna need to do some full, full laundry.
Mm-hmm.
We're gonna have to go all the way, Mom.
So that, you know, she probably liked that, it's like, oh, it's just like you're young again. You know, you're in the room and you're pissing yourself.
Yeah, right, yeah. It was very special. Just like old times.
You've never, you haven't pissed recently?
No, I'm afraid of, like, when you said, uh, like, you told us recently you slept naked. And like, that's a reason I'm afraid, because like, if I am, I really haven't peed the bed in, I couldn't even tell you when. But if I'm at least, if I'm at least clothed, I know that there's like...
A barrier.
A, a bit of a barrier, you know what I mean? Like, before you get to like unleash the hounds, like, you know they have to get through a couple of rounds of...
I don't think the fact that you're wearing shorts to bed is the reason why you're not pissing in bed.
Uh, what are the rubber shorts?
That's a good point, honestly, and also, we don't know, because we don't know what would happen if the inverse happened. What's, Schrodinger's cat?
Yeah, if you were naked, you think you would pee if you were naked. I think because you know you, you wouldn't have a barrier, you'd be less likely to pee yourself.
Well, I'm not peeing myself now, and nothing is less likely than it when it doesn't happen.
That's true.
You like that?
But seventy-five percent of the men right here have done this as an adult.
So chances are you will join us.
I can guarantee that a hun- seventy-
Yep, one hundred and seventy-five.
One more time, one more time. I can guarantee you that of that seventy-five, a hundred percent of them have slept naked more frequently than I have.
Well, zero would be.
No, because I don't sleep naked.
That's what I'm saying, zero.
You have, I- I don't know if you guys have, but I think it's a safe assumption to say that you probably do.
At some point.
Not regularly, but yes.
It's just-
It happens.
It- I'm sure it happens.
Let's get-
You seem like a confident man.
Have you pissed-
Is that what it is?
-to bed recently?
Recently, no.
As an adult, I have.
Okay, so you-
You haven't?
I have.
And were you dreaming that you were peeing?
I think that's how it always goes.
Like, I woke up, pissed, and then, "No!" And then-
Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I scared everyone in the house.
That's how it goes.
It's like, woke up like Ebenezer Scrooge.
"No!"
We- well, we told that story on, uh, our podcast, and I was- and I- in the context of like, I felt bad about the fact that I did it in a hotel bed, but we were also checking out that day.
And I was like, they probably deal with all kinds of stuff in the bed, and then a woman who works in hotels, like, called in and she was like, yes, like, wet beds, for- for whatever reason-
Hmm.
Um, are very common. It's a very common thing. They don't think twice about it.
If I think about a hotel bed, I'm like-
Yeah, let's not.
I think I- well, yeah, I- but I think I know why. It's- it's more of like a, like, standing up to the authority, you know what I'm saying? Like, peeing in a hotel room.
One more time. What is- what does that mean?
There's something about a hotel room that just, it's- it is like the poster child of capitalism.
So like, if you're in like, a nice hotel, and like, you treat it a little poor, like, you're like, "I'm- I'm one of the- I'm one of the people, like, I'm kinda doing this for-"
Piss in the bed, break a lamp.
Steal the soap.
That kinda stuff.
You seem like a guy who takes the conditioner.
Oh, yes.
What about their hairdryer? Just take that.
No, no, no, no, no.
They're typically not great.
Yeah, they're whispering at you.
My mentality is if I'm paying for it, I'm taking it. I'm not paying for like the appliances, but I'm paying for the soaps, chocolates. I've never eaten a single chocolate in a hotel room, but I've taken them all.
Did you take, in the hotel we stayed at like two days ago, there was a bottle of wine. Did you take that?
Uh, yeah. Absolutely. It was cool. They gave us a bottle of wine and some popcorn. I had a little bit of each of the popcorn. I opened the wine, had a glass of wine.
Oh, so you had it there?
You didn't like-
Oh, I thought you took it with you.
Decant.
Oh, no, I left it there. I didn't, I didn't bring it home and decant it. But like, in theory, if I consumed it, I am taking it with me.
Uh huh, yeah.
Oh, in spirit.
In spirit, yeah.
Right, yeah, exactly.
I mean, am I, is that wrong too?
No, it's beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. Uh, one thing I wanted to talk about with you, with you guys is that, do you guys sort of recognize that you are treated as this like OG's YouTube royalty?
Cause you've been doing it, when was the first time you guys put out like a YouTube video together?
Oh six.
Damn.
That's sick.
That's when I was coming on my phone.
You wish. You wish you were. Yeah, yeah, we, we've been through a lot of phases. And so, like, I mean, Good Mythical Morning was only the past almost thirteen years, but like, there were so many-
Is that all, thirteen?
Yeah. Yeah. But then there's like, yeah, we feel like we've lived a couple of YouTube lifetimes.
We're really glad to still be here.
It's crazy. I mean, it's, since oh six is wild. Is that, were you guys doing it separately or was always together?
Always together.
Always together, yeah.
Oh, wow.
Came up together, first grade, you know, went, uh, parallel lives.
We pretty much went through everything. I mean, the, I got married a year before him and that, we, we recently realized that the only time in our lives when it wasn't completely parallel, like, you know, always grew up doing, you know, we were best friends growing up, we went to college, we were roommates in college together, and then when I got married- I moved out. I was like, I'm gonna move in with my wife now.
I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna leave you friend.
Did you guys cry?
Don't believe so.
I let him keep the couch.
You know, so.
Mr. Fly?
Felt like that was good enough.
Well, there was a rat that was living in the couch at the time.
Yeah, I'm gonna let you keep that.
There was a rat living in the couch?
Yeah, we discovered that later, yeah.
Was it, did you guys pee on that couch?
Never the rat.
Never peed on the couch.
Did a lot of stuff.
I'm sure, I'm sure the rat pissed on that thing.
Well, okay, well, so there was, we had a, um, another roommate, Tim, who shall remain nameless.
Gotcha.
And he was, he was just a dirty dude. We're still, we're still friends with him.
Is he still dirty?
I think he's still really dirty.
You know, someone's gonna scour every, everything to find who this person is.
He brought, he brought all the candy that he got from trick or treating or something.
You guys have an apartment together and he's trick or treating?
Yeah, junior year in college, he's like, I got all of this.
He just went trick or treating.
I got all of this candy and he just left it in the living room on the floor.
Uh huh.
And we were like, you know what, we are not cleaning up after Tim. We're gonna leave this candy on the floor.
We made that face and everything.
And we're gonna make him, he's gonna clean up his own candy. And to his credit, you know, he slowly over time, he started cleaning up the candy.
Does that mean eating it?
He was like picking up. Cleaning it up? I don't know, it's like, I'll give him credit.
One piece at a time, he was kinda picking it up, you know? And I was like, this is interesting, this approach.
It was all gone.
Well, no, but there was a couple of moments there in the middle where he would eat like part of a piece of the candy. And just leave it on the floor.
Such a slob. Like a, like take a bite out of a Tootsie Roll and then leave it?
Like, oh, I don't like this.
Yeah, and I was like.
On the, on like the.
Yeah, I was like, what is happening? But we didn't talk about it.
I'm not buying this. I can, I can smell the, the, the, I can smell the nonsense here, I'm not buying it. Keep going.
So, candy gets gone. One day I get home, we've forgotten about the candy. And.
I open the front door and there is the apartment pellet gun, which we had one of these.
And it was propped up.
It was the 90s, North Carolina.
It was propped up by the...
You had a pellet gun in your apartment?
It would... They... Some roommates, not me, would shoot rabbits out of the bedroom window.
That's not true.
Boys being boys.
It wasn't, it wasn't me and it wasn't Rhett. We would never do that.
And it, we, and you had no idea who it was?
It was our other roommate.
There it is, yeah.
It definitely wasn't us. So, pellet gun was propped up and it had a note on it. Like a post-it note. Nobody at home, I like pick up the pellet gun, I look at the post-it note and it says, "There is a rat in the apartment. If you see it, shoot it." And so I just put the, I just put the pellet gun right there. I was like, "What?"
In my handwriting, you recognize my handwriting.
So, what happened at that point?
So, this is what happened. So I'm home alone, uh, one day. Doing the laundry and of course it's one of these like college apartments where the washer and the dryer are in the kitchen, you know? And so I'm like doing the laundry and then I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I turn and there is a rat coming out from underneath the fridge. It is so big that it's having to like,
Oh no.
Like extricate itself.
And it just kinda...
Like doing an army crawl.
And it just kinda comes out and just looks at me and is not even frightened. I would say this long before the tail started.
Get the fuck out of here. That's a raccoon.
So, that long with the tail?
And so, I immediately do what any normal man would do. I grab a gun.
I would've squealed like a pig.
I grabbed the nearest pellet gun. And I, I think I'm gonna be able to like get a shot off because it was, it was just standing in the middle of the kitchen. But by the time, I had to like go to wherever that gun was, the living room, whatever. And then I come back and he's moving into the dining room and then I'm like, okay, he's behind this piece of furniture. He disappears behind the piece of furniture and then we see there's like a little hole in the wall there. So, realized we had a rat and that's what was happening with the candy.
Ah.
Eating half a Tootsie Roll. Of course it wasn't Tim.
He had built a nest in the couch with all of these pixie sticks and Tootsie Rolls. And.
It's a pretty good setup.
That's a pretty good one.
We pulled the couch out to see where he's going in the wall and it was like, whoa, no, no, no, he's going in the.
There's rat shit everywhere behind the couch.
Oh my god, it was, it's like, Tim.
How did you guys get out of there without diseases?
So, okay, so here's the thing.
We didn't.
The story progresses to the point where a couple of days later. Um, like we didn't do the thing that you're supposed to do, which is just call a professional. Because we were just in college, we're not paying for anything, right? It's like, we will handle this. Two or three days later, uh, I'm in the kitchen. I come, I come home into the kitchen and I see there's a mouse, not a rat, a dead mouse in the middle of the kitchen. Right where I had made first contact with the rat. And it was as if he was saying, look what I'm doing for you guys.
I'm killing the smaller versions of me.
A fucking sacrifice.
Keep me around.
He stood there like.
I'm like, you guys had, like, this is my place now.
Yeah, right.
And then when he saw you were going for the gun, he was just like.
I'll be back.
I'll, I'll, alright, you know I'm here. It's a mutual respect thing. I'll prove my worth.
Yeah, so we were like, okay, maybe we keep him around. We were in the process of moving out and we later, we, we never solved the rat problem. When we went back to deal with the, uh, like the lady at the, the administration. Where we were not getting any of our deposit back because of the, what we had done to the apartment.
Uh, and we were arguing with her about that. We saw our neighbors that we shared a wall with, just some other college guys. And they were like, hey, guys, we had talked to them about the rat. They were like, we caught the rat. We caught the rat in a trap and he got out of the trap. They, they used a raccoon trap. He got out of the trap and then they caught him again and they took him to the front desk and they just set him on the front desk.
Hell, yeah.
That's how his story ends as far as I know it.
This big ass 20 pound rat?
Are you sure that's how it ends? You guys didn't like, take the rat and like, you know?
It was outside of my domain at that point. It was the neighbors.
Yeah, there's always room for a sequel, but, um, yeah.
I don't do well with that, dude.
Bring in the rats!
No, don't.
Yo, he, he's very squeamish with like little like creatures or, or.
Yeah, I don't like them either.
When they have little hands and like faces and shit, I don't, I don't know.
It's alright. We grew up outdoors. We know what it's like.
You grew up two blocks from me. We grew up outdoors.
Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't touch anything with, with scales or antennae or, I don't touch any of that.
Like if there's a roach in your house. I could kill it. I just don't want to pick it up.
Yeah, kick it. Just.
Just kick it?
Just kick it.
We would do.
Open the door and just try to kick it out.
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We would do, uh, we've, we've, like, recently, we were talking like, if we were to do Fear Factor, what it would be like. I would, I would be eating this stuff. I'd be, you know, like, lying in the coffin with, like, this stuff on top. And then he'd be the one doing, like, the athletic stuff, which I think we'd be okay if you did the athletics.
Tandem stuff, but like, yeah, if I gotta get in the coffin, you put a bunch of hissing cockroaches on me, I can't.
Nah, they're not that bad. They're just little friends. They wanna live.
Yeah, I don't.
Have you ever eaten a bug?
Yeah. Dude, we've, we've. We haven't had roaches.
You guys have eaten everything.
There's been, there was like the really nasty shit era of Good Mythical Morning. For a couple of years there, I mean, it might have been, it might have been for over five years. It doesn't work anymore. You can't eat gross shit on YouTube anymore.
You get like demonetized.
Yeah, yeah, I think you could probably still, you can eat like crickets or whatever, but that's.
I mean, they don't want you vomiting, blood, or just vomit.
You can't be showing a vomit. I wouldn't, I never vomited, but I would, I mean, I made it, I made quite a career on a gagging.
For a number of years.
Absolutely.
And, but those days, those days are, those days are long gone. But yeah, I mean, we went through like so many bugs. We were actually, at one point, we were developing a.
A party game, like a packaged party game. With, it was like collaboration with a legitimate gaming company. And it was called, who's gonna eat the bug or something like that? Will you eat the bug? And then it was gonna ship with like dried bugs in it.
And a little window in the box where you could see like the crickets.
It was cool. We had the prototype and everything.
Yeah, we got very close.
We can do this, we can do this. Yes, we're a legitimate gaming brand.
And, but we can ship bugs to children around the world. We can do that so they can eat them.
And it came with like gummy versions of it and then like the real bug and like, it was a game to figure out who's gonna be.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I think they realized.
You know what? We're not gonna do that.
No, it turns out it was really, really hard to get, uh, the bugs for some reason. Till they get like intact crickets.
Well, I mean, you think of like the farms and stuff like that. They don't wanna be like, oh, well, we're a, you know, a cricket farm that is just raising these things for slaughter for other people, I guess.
Is that a thing? There's farms?
Of course there are bug farms, yeah.
I, it makes sense, but I'd never even like.
I guess that's regular farms too, so I guess.
Yeah, it's regular farms.
They're not, they're not that bad. I mean, I don't look forward to.
Bugs aren't bad to eat.
The like apocalyptic future.
They're a bit dry.
Eating just bug protein. I'm not excited about that.
Did you eat like a spider?
That's plenty of spiders.
Plenty of.
Spiders are awful.
Tarantulas!
Yeah, we've had, we had some. We had crickets, we had the.
I'm probably crazy, I didn't get any of that.
Danny and I did it that, that one time. It was like crickets and, you know, stuff like that.
You did the worst thing ever though, which we wouldn't do now, and you didn't feel good about it, but you were kinda put on the spot. You ate a live beetle. Yeah.
That wasn't, that wasn't.
And, and it was, it was that, that one, it was a rhino beetle. Have you seen those things with a giant horn?
Those are cool. Those are cool.
It was like this big.
Yeah, I, I, that's, that's my deepest regret.
I, I'm proud of you, you know? I'm proud of you.
Did it have a tough show?
I'm not proud of it.
Was it like you felt bad because of like, it just was really tough to get through or like the ethical reasons?
It was also like eating alive thing.
It was like, it was like eating like an elderly person's toenails.
Disgusting. I'm letting you know right now, there are certain people watching this and I'm just like, okay, alright.
Toes. Hold up. Dessert?
I mean, cause you know how the older they get, the thicker they get?
Like the, the toenails.
The toenails.
Specifically.
Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. We're not there yet. We're not there yet. I remember, I, I've known some old people and I've seen their feet and they're not, they suck.
Oh, you should've seen his grandma's feet.
It's bad.
Yeah, no, I mean, they're not, they were in rough shape.
Instead of growing out, they start growing up.
Yeah, or like another layer. And then like, they like grab toe underneath the nail.
The whole end of it.
It's like a helmet that grows over the front of the toe.
It literally, it looks like a bob cut.
You let it happen.
Right. And you go, yeah, that's what it's like eating a scorpion, I guess.
Yeah, that's not, I mean, it's, it's weird because like, I am, I would be the one that would do it, but like, it's gotten to a point where like, the internet is just like, it's the thing to do to get people to watch. So like, there's really no point to do it anymore anyways.
I will say, the scene in The Lion King where they're eating bugs, those look delicious.
That does look really good.
Are you familiar?
Uh, the animated version?
Correct.
Well, technically they're both animated.
What was the other one?
One, one seems real though.
He got you, right. Wow.
So I can't call, I gotta stop calling that.
I feel real dumb now.
Yeah, I gotta stop calling that the live action.
Mission accomplished.
When are we gonna hit him with The Lion King? Double animations bit.
I have so much useless knowledge about movies and TV that when something like that happens, that's the first part that I'm going to think about when I'm resting my head on my pillow tonight, just like.
Got him.
I finally used it, guys. It finally worked.
You got us. You got him, not me.
They're both animated, P-boys.
Yeah, but I'm glad we're through that, that phase.
I mean, there's occasionally something, like when we do our live show, Good Mythical Morning Live, and we travel, which we haven't done this year, there's some worm eating and some spider eating.
We have a game called Picker, Peek, or Poker Face.
So it's, you got the lazy Susan, and then one person gets to peek at what's under there, and then they get to, and then the other person gets to decide.
Makes the decision, are they gonna eat what's in front of them, or what's in front of them? They don't, without knowing, just based on what his face looked like.
You either get a gummy worm, or a real worm.
You should play this.
Is it like, one good thing, one bad thing?
One good thing, one bad thing, and based on their reaction, you're like...
I'll take it, or they take it.
You're turning it. I'm gonna let you have it or not, and when we're doing it on stage, it's like, people are reacting, and, because they know.
It really works live.
It's a fun one.
Write that down, we're stealing the idea, not giving credit.
You should do that one.
Yeah. It, it works live, but it's like, it's, YouTube has sort of had it.
No, you know what? I think you guys seem like you're really married to it. You could have, you could keep doing it.
We will keep doing it. But maybe you can, we give a resurgence to it.
Let's do one together.
Okay, a quadruple Picker, Peek, or Poker Face?
Ooh, ooh.
Say that five times fast.
Yeah, we've never done it more than...
Next time you come back out, we'll do a four-way Picker, Peek, or Poker Face.
You guys are gonna bring bugs, and I'm just, if I open the thing and there's a rhino beetle, or whatever the fuck it's called, video's gonna end real quick.
So, you have a standard, you're, you're like, watching what works, and you're deciding what you're not willing to do.
What's up?
Like, you're not willing to eat gross stuff, even though, because other people are doing it, is what you just said.
Me, yeah, no.
Yeah, I...
No, I'm saying for the sake of views.
Yeah, I won't do that. Well, like, I just can't, like, my body physically, if there's a beetle, like, there's nothing I could do.
That's, that's the best position to be in, for entertainment.
Well, the other part of the position that he's leaving out, is that, growing up, because this, the dynamic was, like, you know, we're 12 years old, and we wanna film someone doing like, you know, getting kicked in the nuts, or something like that.
He wouldn't even need to say, like, "I'm not doing it," I'll just be like, "Yeah, I'll do it." And he's just like, okay.
He's picking up the slack.
I'm picking up the slack in this situation. So like, even at this point, like, yeah, we're not doing that stuff now. Ironically, the thing that people wanna see us eat is very edible, but I just, my body refuses it, is mustard.
So like, anytime we do a video, this little bastard over here fits mustard in or on.
Hold on, you're a hot dog guy?
No way. I am a hot dog guy. I'm not a mustard guy.
And a pretzel guy.
And I love pretzels.
No mustard on pretzels?
Absolutely not.
So just ketchup on your hot dog?
I have a variety of hot dog costumes that I like. For the most part, all of them involve ketchup.
That's an insane way to say costumes is what? But you're...
I understood.
I dress them up differently.
What would be the reaction to mustard if you had it?
I mean, I'm not...
Gagging?
You're just waiting for the right moment to...
No, I, I, I, it stems from, you're a picky eater. You, self, you've explained that you're a picky eater. When I was like, four years old, my friend's mom gave me a sandwich, and I, at that time, as a kid, you know how kids are, they need to know exactly what they're eating. If they eat something that, and they're like, what, you didn't tell me about this, they'll hate it forever, they'll never touch it. It was a bologna sandwich.
Big bologna fan right here. I mean, I'm up on bologna, okay?
But when I'm biting a bologna, and I'm told it's bologna, it fucking better be bologna.
It was bologna and mustard.
It's tough. That happened to me when I was younger. There was a little, uh, serving dish that had sour cream in it, but I was young and I was like, this is ice cream. And it wasn't. So that kinda scarred me for a little bit, but I'm back on it.
But I don't, it seems like you don't, you understand that like, when things happen at your expense, then that is to the, to the benefit of your viewer.
I got a line. And bugs are the line. You know, I'll do other stuff, for sure.
But by building mustard.
But by building it up, right? Like with mustard.
So now, you've kind of set your, this is how we think about it. You've sort of set yourself up for the like, big fundraiser or whatever.
It's something.
Frank's gonna eat mustard.
He's gonna get in a dunk tank.
Well, right. It's this, what came first, the chicken or the egg? I mean, where, I'm very well aware that this also might be as a result of my own creation, you know, that like, people want to see me do it. But, it's just, the reaction is real, it's authentic, I can't, I all, I don't know when it's coming all the time, and when I, when it happens, it's bad.
What if we get a beetle? Let me cover that mustard.
So you don't want people to, you don't want to share that with people?
It's too late.
It's out there.
Oh, you've already done it?
It's been out there for years.
Okay, got it.
So at this point.
It's over.
It's more of just like a, an anticipatory thing on my end.
You know, and anywhere we go, for the most part, we get people dressing up as mustard.
Hot dogs.
Hot dogs, people offering cups of mustard. We did a show in Austin, and someone walked up and gave me a cup of mustard, and was like, well, what are you gonna do with this? And I was peer pressured by this person in the audience.
But you didn't eat it.
I, I did.
Oh, oh.
I did a little, little.
What else are you not willing to do, from like, a creator's standpoint? Like goofy thumbnails?
Oh, like?
Um, I would, I would, I don't thi, I, we may have, we mostly do thumbnails of like, they're from the video. Like, we don't, I don't think that we've ever done like, photos.
You're jealous of that?
I mean, I think that it makes, probably makes for a better thumbnail to do that. It's just, it, I don't know.
You know what it was like, I feel like when I started doing YouTube, I didn't, I didn't really watch anybody, I wasn't that familiar with people. So I didn't really know what was working for everyone else, I just kind of just did, like, I didn't have thumbnails for like, five years.
So like I just.
It was just text.
Yeah, sometimes it would just be text or whatever, or like as as far as creating a a really good title or something like that.
Yeah, like do you.
I just didn't do it.
Do you put like emotional?
No, like.
In the title?
Yeah, it's like XXX gone wrong.
Fucking prank or whatever.
You'll never believe number four.
Right, something like that, yeah. There are definitely levels to it.
There's levels. You gotta, I think this is the other thing we're trying to tell you is that you're, yeah, watch out.
Yeah, I was gonna say.
Thumnel faces.
I I would say.
You need to watch out.
I would say that if you haven't started.
Don't do it.
Started doing it, don't start doing it.
Don't start doing it.
Well, this sounds like the way that you guys were talking about it and like taking our responses in, it was just like a this is something we would have changed, like we wouldn't have done it.
And did all of this to where we got to now, you know, like it made the the, what is it, the ends are justifying the means or the means are justifying the ends, but like you would have changed that up a little bit differently.
That's right.
Yeah. And the funny thing is, is we are.
Well, when you release videos five times a week and technically 10 if you count Good Mythical More, which is on its own channel, right? So
so you've got like two thumbnails going up every day. And that, and we don't, we're not like, we don't get involved in that, that that whole like optimization of title and thumbnail is it's it's its own.
Science, yeah.
Team that's doing that, right?
Mm hmm.
We just are like, okay, we hear, well, this is working better now, or this is through A B testing or whatever.
And so we just, it's part of our process, we shoot an episode and then we just like stand in front of a screen and like make some faces and there's like a, I mean, it doesn't get into like.
Right, yeah, yeah.
You know, there's a little bit of a.
Like you said, we have a line too.
It's it's somewhere between.
There's like, there's some shame, but not full shame.
Um, but we have been told recently, they're like, oh, we're doing some more like screen grabs from the episodes if something really interesting happens or whatever. And people are responding to that, we're like, great.
That's, that's great.
Why don't you guys give your best thumbnail face like they just did?
Where's your line for thumbnail faces?
It's like.
Alright.
That's kidding shit out of me.
That's a Halloween video.
Start with like really crazy and then bring it down to a point where you feel comfortable.
Well, we need a, we need a scene.
What's the emotion?
What's the scene, what's the emotion? How do we feel? Are we tired? What day of the week? What do we got going on?
Weather, weather.
I think, let's, let's go with really ecstatically happy, but then also terrified. So like, you're both gonna start at different places.
At 10.
Start at 10. Start at 11.
So Frank, you're super happy.
Yep, yeah.
I'm scared.
Yeah, Joe, you're scared.
Let's give one directly to the camera.
Yep. So I'll be, who am I? Oh, no, we're go, we're starting at 10 and then coming down.
Start at 11.
Follow, follow the prompts, my friend. They gave you the prompts.
We're on a team.
I'm trying.
You're terrified, Joe.
Frank, you're ecstatic, same time.
I'm sorry, is there a countdown or?
3, 2, 1, go! Okay, and now?
Oh, wow, that's good.
And, and you're feeling, you're just feeling the embarrassment, right?
I'm clicking on that.
It's just too much. Now bring it down a notch, bring it down to 8, maybe?
Oh shit, okay.
Yeah, just bring it down to 8.
You're still scared, Joe.
Are, Joe, are you okay with that?
I don't know.
I think.
I can't stand.
I think you've gone down to 6.
I can't breathe.
I can't get more scared. I don't know how to, I don't even know how to be scared right now.
Frank, you look, you look a little scared now. You need to be a little bit happier.
Now let's get, let's go down to 6, 5. Let's go down to 5.
Okay. Now, Joe, I feel like you-
I'm in pain kinda.
Could you live with this, Joe? Is this your life? Yeah, I think.
Now I think, yeah, I lost it.
4.
You're shitting your pants.
That's what you're doing.
So go to, go to 3.
There's a poop monster in you.
Go to 3.
You just got all kinds of options.
Keep going, keep going, you're at 3. You're still, you're not ecstatic anymore, but you are a little happy.
You're crying, I see tears welling up.
He hasn't blinked yet.
Now the two.
He hasn't blinked for over a minute.
Two, and I think you look like you're in a sweet spot.
That, no, that looks horrible.
That's it. That is your, that is your.
He looks constipated.
That is your used to be ecstatic.
He just looks a little bit constipated. That's not good.
Yeah, that's it. Just use that.
I saw pain.
And he's back.
See, this is why you can't do it.
He wasn't, he wasn't breathing or blinking.
I didn't breathe.
How is that necessary?
So.
Clicks, man, clicks! Just the fact that the screen grab from this episode is gonna be the two of you next to each other.
Yeah, I know, this fucking asshole's gonna do that.
That's gonna, that's gonna get the clicks.
I mean, if we're, if we're smart, the screen, the, the, there'll be somebody else in the thumbnail to.
We were actually just.
Yeah, we're gonna use your face.
Really push this.
We were just talking about this, uh, very, this morning, we were talking about this.
It doesn't even matter when we were talking about it.
The, um.
Changes. So, okay, if you guys started doing something different, like noticeably different.
With like your thumbnails or whatever. The people who are like, I'm here for what you guys are doing right now, and I don't need you to sell it to me in any more sensational way than you already do. They would be upset if you started doing that because it's a signal that you're trying to reach someone.
That's not them.
Not them.
In addition to them, maybe, right, but those core people feel alienated by that. That's something that, that we, we've learned a few times.
I think that when you change anything, like even like, cause for the most part, I, when I started making YouTube videos, it was in my mom's basement, and I would hang a sheet behind me, so it was like very low budget. Then it was not with the sheet, different angle, still in my mom's basement, then just on a random wall in my apartment. Uh, and then in the last studio, we were against a wall, but it was like one blue wall, one white wall, that's it, nothing on the walls. So when we did this, I was like, I'm sure this is gonna be an adjustment because it's not gonna feel like this, oh, they're just, it's a, it's a low budget version of.
A show, and that makes it more relatable or feel good. So there was a concern of. Like, this is a necessary step for us to upgrade and make things look more professional and get better cameras and you know, stuff like that and make those changes. But they have to be a little gradual. And I actually will say, this phone in particular, there was a time where we were shooting in my apartment. And I just bought it because I thought it looked cool and I was like dressing up the set a little bit. And the thing about picking this up was like whenever someone said something that was like maybe offensive or you know, you couldn't say the right thing, you would pick up the phone and like you're talking to the editor like cut that out. And like that was like the joke. So brought it back on purpose because I think that was funny and it kind of got lost in our next sort of setup.
But a nice like, you know, thing to kind of bring it back to a regular time where the people who are fans then now have a little bit like, oh, I know what the phone is, but new people won't know what the phone is.
Because they don't know the old thing, but anytime you change anything, there is going to be this.
Little dance.
Yeah, you know, and then we slowly added this guy in and you know, then they were like, who's this and what was he doing? And then he eventually got a camera. So it was like, we weren't going to jump in here, put him in, put him on camera and like make everything super different immediately.
Yeah. Letting things evolve.
We, yeah, we've, we've done a lot of that and then things develop a life of their own. Hey, look at us, we're talking shop.
I'll be honest with you, I almost passed out. I had to stop and listen for a couple minutes because.
I saw tears in your eyes.
I'm not, I'm not even.
Zero, this is no bit. I'm gonna after this, take a really big sip of water and tell him like, was it, am I, am I, was that, was that okay?
I'll tell you this right now, if you would have fainted on this show.
That would have been like, I would have went, I, like you hear, you hear, you see my, I'm different now, like I'm, I feel.
You went through something.
Wow, it was beautiful.
You've come out on the other side.
Uh, I, we want to get to this thing where we have these two images just to get your, because you guys are like food guys, you know, you do a lot of the trying the foods and whatever. So we want to know your opinions. Can we pull up, uh, the DIY cereal? Gotcha. Uh, and see which one of these you guys are picking here?
Cookies, pancakes, Pop-Tarts, smores, donuts, croissants, waffles, cinnamon toast.
Chocolate pancakes. Obviously, all these need to have some milk in there.
Yes, and the type of milk will be important to me and only me, and I'll yell at you for the wrong choice. The other thing, we get a little intense with our food picks here. So, there is no pressure to pick something correctly, but there absolutely is pressure to pick something incorrectly. So, fucking watch it.
Okay, noted.
So, you would be uncomfortable with me saying that I'm just fundamentally opposed to this exercise?
Why?
That I think that, that, that, I just don't think we as a species should let ourselves, I don't think we should let ourselves do this. I think you have to draw some lines.
I love it!
If you're taking the root of like, listen, this is just, it is a bad thing to consume.
We're all there. We get it.
Actually, this is how Frank eats cookies. The cookie one is how he eats cookies.
Uh, not, no, sorry, incorrect.
Those are little cookies.
Well, no, that's why he's wrong. I crush my cookies. I don't leave them whole.
And you put them in a bowl with milk.
Yes, I do.
And then you spoon it.
I am a pro Dunkin' and Milk dude.
But you know what's gonna happen with A? You know what's gonna happen, right?
Yeah, it's gonna turn into a soup.
That's a mush. That's a mush.
Disgusting.
Forty-five seconds. I love that too.
But, but, no, no, no, no, no. See, like, is it, is it a mush? Sure, maybe, but if you eat with the intensity and speed at which I am eating that bowl.
It's not getting there.
Intensity?
Oh, my god, yeah. It's filthy when I eat.
So, you're picking A?
No, I didn't say that.
You're picking the filthy, filthy.
I didn't say that. Well, let's start here. How do you guys feel about?
A is gonna be great.
I agree.
I think that might be my pick. A number of these are actually manufactured cereals. You know, the waffles, the pancakes, even Pop-Tarts, I think, did it. We tasted that on the show. It was, it was pretty good. Croissants, haven't seen that. That's a mess.
I'm going H. Is there even a, is this even a question?
Well, see, H is such a cheating answer because that is basically just already cinnamon toast crunch.
I mean, the picture is literally of cinnamon toast crunch.
Yeah, you can't do that with actual cinnamon toast.
Anything's cinnamon, though.
It is the best cereal.
Agreed.
It is the number one.
What's the, what's the second and third, though?
Well...
Give us podium, doesn't need to be in an order.
At this point, this is just gonna be me personally. Raisin Nut Bran.
What the hell is going on over there?
Hey, you'll thank me later.
I would jump across here and hug you so hard because I am a big, big fan of Raisin Bran.
This is insane.
Nope, that's not even what I'm saying.
And Nut Bran too, Raisin Bran adjacent, I love it.
He won't do the Raisin Bran.
I don't even know what that is.
Raisin Bran is for losers? And I'm not gonna accept your support.
Yours is what, Raisin Nut Bran?
Yeah, it has nut clusters.
It has, it has raisins that have been...
Candied?
Rolled in nuts.
So you don't know the raisins until you bite into them?
Alright, just before, before you ruin this for me, please, just go. What else, what else is on the podium?
And there are bran flakes. Oh, what else is on the podium?
Uh, Reese's Puffs Minis.
He hates that.
M-I-N-I.
He's calling 911, I can see that he's doing that.
Bring, bring the gun.
The pellet gun?
Bring the gun.
Okay dude, they're great in the mini version, and they don't hurt the roof of your mouth. And I'm gonna throw a little love.
The roof of the mouth is a big thing.
I get that.
To Frosted Mini Wheat.
No Cap'n Crunch.
Bite size.
Oh, fear.
Here we go.
Fear, well, hold on, we'll get to that, but Rhett, give us, give us podium cereals. Give us podium cereals.
Uh, I'm, I'm a Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Smart guy. Uh, I also, I like Frosted Flakes.
Me too!
They're so simple, they're so sugary, they're so good.
More than good.
The best milk, too.
And more than good.
And... The milk turns yellow.
I don't care what color it is, it tastes delicious.
And Honey Nut Cheerios.
I'm sorry.
The other day, I just said I got a craving for Honey Nut Cheerios, like I'm pregnant or something. I was like, I got, I was like, Honey Nut Cheerios.
With bananas.
Have you done that?
I have, uh, maybe when I was younger, I did that.
You gonna, you gonna, you gonna come out against Honey Nut Cheerios?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
All right, reap the whirlwind.
Honey Nut Cheerios are like, you, come on, like, what are you doing?
You like Raisin Bran.
It's good.
Grandma?
It's good. Do you see how he's attacking both of us when he's saying this? I'm trying to attack, I'm trying to attack just red here, because I didn't hear anything about Honey Nut Cheerios out of your mouth. Now, he wants to attack both of us. Listen, Honey Nut Cheerios-
I am pro Honey Nut Cheerios.
Okay, so then you, I'll, I'll bring a third gun then, three guns.
I think that I'm gonna be brave here, since everyone else is-
Thank you for standing up for what's right, white man.
Too, too sensitive to say this. Captain Crunch is in the top three. Cuts the roof of my mouth.
Yep, you gotta watch.
Let's just pull it together here.
But see, the best version of-
It's a great cereal.
The best version of Captain Crunch-
Eviscerates the roof of your mouth.
You need to be very specific, because the best version of Captain Crunch isn't Captain Crunch. It's Oops All Berries, because the berries are the best part of Captain Crunch.
Frank, it's time to grow up.
Time to grow up?
This is how I hold on to my childhood, my wonder, my, my, my beautiful years.
So, let's do this graphic. You spend $8, we have all of these cereals, uh...
Let's just go one-
Oh, wow, there is Oops All Berries there.
I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you a sleeper in life and on this spend eight dollars is life.
Life is a great cereal. It is a sleeper cereal. Don't sleep.
You know what cereal I like, don't love, but I love at the same time? It's kind of like my relationship with candy corn. It's like, I don't love this, but I'm gonna eat it. Kicks.
I like Kicks.
It's like, okay, but I'm like, I like it.
Berry Berry Kicks. Berry Berry Kicks is-
It's cheating, though.
It's cheating, but it's Kicks. It's, it's on the, it's right there. I think if we go one per row-
You gotta spend eight, Frank. There's rules.
Yeah, you gotta, you, you only get eight bucks.
Could we all, just for the sake of the argument, because I think we're all in agreement here, we know CTC would be chosen. So, let's just avoid that for now.
Yeah, let's take it off.
All right, so we're not doing that.
So, we're not even spending money on it?
No, we're gonna get it, but we're just not gonna spend the money on it.
Are we eating this in one sitting, or is this like, for a week?
Hmm, that's a great question, and I love the conditions that you have here, because these are the questions that I ask, and I am scolded for it. Um, no, so this will be, uh, your one month of cereal.
Okay, that helps because I don't want to eat three or four cereals at once.
No, no, no, one month, eat at your own leisure, depending, no confinement to the time of the day, no confinement to the amount, also no confinement to the type of milk.
And also, this is the only breakfast you get.
For that month. No, no breaks.
No, no, no, no, you could, you could throw in some savory stuff every now and then, just to break it up.
How often? Once a week?
Crispy, crispy banking.
Once a week.
Alright. Well, I'm. Once a week, you get a little sausage.
I'm swooping in on mini wheats, because that is a steal for a dollar.
First of all, I was thinking Apple Jacks.
Oh, hell yeah, I didn't notice that, yeah.
Apple Jacks for a dollar is like, I mean, highway robbery.
Jack my apple, I'm taking it.
Well, don't say that.
They are, they are good.
Apple Jacks, I'm definitely doing that. It's, I mean, Oops All Berries is up there on principle alone, I need to take it, but I wouldn't hate falling on Corn Pops. Corn Pops? Pops? Corn Pops? Pops? They don't, they don't even have the reflective bag anymore.
What's the big difference between Pops and Kicks?
Um, one is more corny, and one is more like bally.
Got that? That's the technical term.
I've never been, I've never been to Bali.
Yeah, Pops are like something that a doctor might remove from your body.
It's, it's a little organic and outlined.
It's more polyps, not pops.
Got it. Corn Pops.
That's it, that's a perfect. Yeah. Kellogg's gonna be pumped with that one.
Colon polyps. Yum!
I, I think I'm, I would go, the highest one I'm taking here, fruity pebbles.
Mmm.
Love fruity pebbles. Love fruity pebbles. And I like when they get a little soggy.
Ill.
I must, I must admit.
I'm mixing it up with, uh, Cocoa Puffs. It's only two dollars, and you get, you get some chocolate in there.
That's a good choice. Okay. There's a lot of value there.
And, and you think about it, it's, it's the cereal that keeps on giving, because the, the, the milk at the end of a Corn Pops bowl. A Cocoa Puff. That's, uh, quote, that's what I meant, Cocoa Puffs. I'm sorry, I'm still lightheaded from fucking holding my breath for two, two and a half minutes earlier. What the hell is Crave? Crave is like a new one that's like.
I, I think I've been really careful to not go. In on some Crave because my impression is that it's full dessert mode.
Is it?
And if you start, I might not be able to pull back.
It's chocolate, right?
So it's chocolate inside of these little packets.
Oh, it's got a filling?
It's like a pizza, like a Totino's pizza roll, but inside it's like chocolate and cream.
That feels like a violation of like a principle.
It probably is.
I have not eaten it because I am too afraid of what it might do to my livestock.
It's a smart man. I am more afraid of not having Lucky Charms.
The most overrated cereal that's ever existed.
I can't agree with that in any capacity.
You like the marshmallows, right?
I love the marshmallows.
Me too.
That type of marshmallow, which um it's not real. It's like, what is it?
It's dust.
It's called.
It's like a powdery.
It's made out of something else.
Like.
Couch. You think I don't care what the hot dogs are made of?
You think I care about those?
I prefer it. Cause it's, cause if you put like a real marshmallow in, in milk, it's like some.
Too soft.
I don't know what happens.
I don't even like marshmallows.
I love marshmallows.
Out and about.
But those are like, I, I love a Lucky Charm.
Can't.
And also fruity pebbles are great, but they're better when they're Christmas ones.
They taste the same?
No, they will, I will agree that they do not.
They taste like cloves and cinnamon.
No, they just like, when you, guys, guys, I know you're not much older than us.
You remember, you remember the holiday cereals that would come out. You're gonna tell me if I put a bowl of regular fruity pebbles in front of you and then one where you know that that was made by Fred Flintstone in a Santa hat. You don't like that one a little bit more?
Yeah, and they're just all red and green?
I like that.
I already have my picks. I'm going fruity pebbles, oops all berries, apple jacks and mini wheats.
Now that I think about it, Oops All Berries and Fruity Pebbles are probably too similar.
No way. Different flavor profile. You get a fruitier fruit with fruity pebbles. Oops All Berries is a little more,
it's a little more, I don't know how to explain it. It makes sense in my head, but it's, it's just more of a manufactured sweetness than a natural sweetness.
What's the backstory on the, obviously he made a mistake and dropped the berries in. Oops?
Yeah, I think there was something at the factory went awry and now they've created a better cereal.
Oops, alright.
Well, the captain, he's been out on the ship for a while. Scurvy is a real thing in the cereal mascot world.
Turns into scarlet fever.
Eventually it gets us all. So, maybe the Oops All Berries was just like him overcompensating for the lack of vitamin C on his cereal ship.
I'm sure it's packed with vitamin C.
Um, Apple Jacks,
Lucky Charms, that's five right there.
Mm-hmm, yeah, three bucks.
And then I don't even need to use the full eight. I'll just go Oops All Berries and then I have a dollar left over and I'll get more Apple Jacks.
Oh, doubling up on the Jack.
I love Apple Jacks.
I'm gonna go with the Reese's Puffs, even though they're not mini.
And then I'm gonna go with the Mini Wheats.
Then I'm gonna go with the Apple Jacks and the Special K.
Oh, you're going Special K?
It's a lot of cereals. Special K? That's not a bad pick. I like the texture.
It, it, it's not a bad pick. It's an awful pick.
It's not a good one at all.
It's pretty awful.
I think I need to, you know, I think I need to mix it into my other cereals just to get a little, it's to get some health.
You must have had like real world Special K if you think Special K is a good pick. There's no chance.
Real world.
You remember the commercials for Special K?
I'm not, no. I do remember the commercials for some of the others though.
It was a woman in a-
It was a woman in a white bathing suit.
Bathing suit.
We've talked about this, yes.
She was horny for Special K?
It was like, it was, this is a woman who wants to be fit.
Her leg would come out and it would make the K.
Oh! Throw it!
I'm getting very excited about it.
You haven't seen the Special K commercial?
This is why I'm telling you Special K.
Her leg comes out and bends and then it makes the K.
The K?
Yeah, I'll never forget it.
So, I mean, nothing sells cereal better than objectifying women.
Nothing does.
It was for women.
There was a kid in our neighborhood that was like bigger and then lost some weight. And I remember asking him like, oh, how'd you lose all that weight? And he said, Special K. I don't know if he meant ketamine, to be fair.
Oh, there it is, right there. Second one, look.
Look at this, y'all.
This is, this is just a woman. This is recent.
Yeah, this is more recent. I'm talking about the eighties ones, but.
Let's just see what happens. So she's throwing her scale out the window.
Why is she doing that? And she's got bell bottoms on.
She's looking at pants.
Oh, see, there's a leg.
See, there's a woman putting on pants. Who's gonna argue with that?
I see no leg, guys.
See, they're still selling it the same way. But, I don't know, but where's the leg making the K? Where's the K-leg?
It'll, it'll happen.
K-leg, come on, K-leg!
Liars.
Absolutely lied.
Which year did you say it was from?
Eighties, just put eighties.
I remember some of the, like, the ones when we were kids, it was just like, the Reese's Puffs one was like wrapping peanut butter cups. You remember that? It's like Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Peanut butter chocolate flavor, Reese's Puffs.
Don't know it.
Just put bathing suit. Now, this is, was this a figment of your imagination?
I mean, there is one with the girl who's making a bit of a.
Oh, maybe it's that one.
Special K from ninety-four?
I am also now learning that Special K has been around for quite some time here.
Yeah, I mean, it looks like, remember, which one was the one that was made so people would stop jerking off?
That certainly makes me, that's kinda like it, though. See, oh, here we go. Woman in a white bathing suit? With a child, what?
We're watching too many, like, scantily clad women in an episode.
How many commercials did they have?
Which one was Special K, the one that was made?
This one?
Yeah, I think go to the end of that one.
Yeah, just go to the end.
But see, she's in a white bathing suit. They did that for years.
Get the shape.
Okay, they did the K-leg. I know they did the K-leg.
You guys, you guys, this is, this is what happens to us. We say like, yeah, we remember this, and then it never happens.
It's like a Mandela effect of Special K, now we're figuring that out.
Which, was Special K the one that was made for people to like, get people to stop jerking off, or is that another series?
That was, uh, uh.
That was just, uh...
It was Corn Flakes.
Corn Flakes, yeah. Kellogg's Corn Flakes. By Mr. Kellogg.
Not only am I happy that I asked, I'm happy that you knew because it just validates what I said earlier.
Didn't work.
Follow-up question, I'm gonna go ahead and answer it. Doesn't work, didn't work.
No? You don't think so? So you're gonna tell me you've seen a box of Corn Flakes and been like, it's having the opposite effect? Or have you seen a box of Corn Flakes and be like, you know what, yeah, actually, I'm kinda, I'm okay right now?
I don't, they're so bland, that I feel like I need to compensate somehow, you know?
It's like, this isn't fun.
And a spicy experience up a little bit. Kellogg would have needed to make the most, you know, engaging cereal ever. Yeah, a cereal that distracts you. Why be sexually satisfied when I can just eat this cereal?
Kellogg's actually said that, uh, the early version of Corn Flakes could help suppress sexual desires and prevent self-pollution because it was so bland.
So the whole point was to be bland?
So technically, it did exactly what it wanted to do.
So did it work?
I mean, not for me personally.
No, I don't think that was enough to stop that train.
Yeah, there was nothing that could stop me.
I mean, you could make an argument. If you save just one life, have you not done your job?
There was nothing that could stop me. Nothing was stopping that.
Now, here's my question, and I know, I know, I think we'll be able to get to the bottom of this. If you were to create a cereal, and it would be a cereal to promote self-sexual love, what would it be flavored and what would be in it?
Self-sexual love.
Yeah, like a jerk-off cereal.
Well, you know, there's a certain time in your life where...
I don't like salty cereals.
Anything at all, oh god.
There's a certain time in your life where anything and everything makes you horny, like a Special K commercial that may or may not have ever happened.
You know what I mean? And so I think that anything at all, like, we were talking about, um, how the, like, the catalog that your parents would get that just had, like, a woman on the back in a bra was enough to pull the trigger sometimes, right?
Of course, absolutely.
So it just needs to be something, uh, I'm trying to think of something...
Something that suggests something from the female anatomy.
Okay, so like a flower, a tulip.
Boob loops.
Boob loops, okay.
Like Fruit Loops, but then you put two of them.
That feels like you could probably pull it off.
Oh, we got something.
Oh, my goodness.
See? 1987. 1987.
This is a cereal commercial, that's so insane.
I was 10 years old.
Oh, that was, that's prime cereal eating and trying to figure out if you're into this.
This is an insane cereal commercial.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like, think about that.
And here it comes, y'all. I knew this was not just in my mind.
Oh, it's the arm!
Whoa!
It was the arm!
You are wrong!
The leg?
Wow!
It was in the elbow!
Unbelievable, so your arm got hot.
It's the, it was the Mandela effect. Maybe it was the leg at one point.
It might have been.
That's incredible.
In that one, it was the arm.
I mean, what's, what's...
I'm gonna find another one now.
What's an arm if not a top leg?
Where's the nearest place where we can get some special candy?
Well, it depends on what type you're looking for. You are in Brooklyn.
Well, I think that's where we can kind of wrap up this episode, right there with ketamine at the end. Thank you so much for getting us demonetized right at the end there.
Flashlights, the cereal.
That's another good one.
To answer your question.
Mine, I don't know what would be in the cereal, but on the front of the box would be the dragon from Shrek.
Yeah, that does it for you.
Very horny dragon.
You're an eyelashes guy.
Look at, look at the dragon. Just look at the dragon.
Just look at the dragon?
I'm not saying pull it up, Ann, I'm just saying.
Yeah, please don't pull it up.
Later.
I'm sitting next to him.
Hey, I just watched a special candy commercial, don't show me the dragon from Shrek.
Look at the dragon when you're alone at night with a candle on.
I got other stuff to do today, guys.
Can't spend all my time looking at the dragon, but thank you guys so much for coming and doing this episode with us.
Yeah, that was fun.
You know, where can they find you? These guys, where can you find them?
Just why don't you tell us, maybe?
Yeah, just, well, just log on to youtube.com.
They'll pop up.
And try to find some thumbnails with guys doing...
About a 30% shocked face.
Actually, we do want people to go see Wonder Hole. Yes. Which is our, we, you know, season two is out. It's six episode, yeah, that's right. Six episode season is on the youtube.com/ret and link channel. The original channel. So not the Good Mythical Morning channel.
Uh, the ret and link channel. Yeah, so we got two seasons of that. And, uh, yeah, I really want more people to watch it.
Cool.
I'm just begging.
If you're, if you're, if you're watching this, it'll be in the description. So you guys can go find that easily. But again, thank you guys so much.
Yeah. Always good to hang out with y'all.
Always good, always good and always fun. Uh, Frank, you got anything you want to add? Um, that's all for this week's episode. Appreciate you guys so much. We'll see you next time.
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