The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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13,745 words · 4 speakers
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. There she is, the Queen of England.
Are you saying wow?
Wow, that was a wow.
Your face looked a little like, like a doll, like a...
It felt kinda doll-like, to be honest.
It did?
It felt fake.
Yeah.
It felt not real.
Right. Is that a new shirt? It's very white.
It's so white, right?
Yeah!
It is new.
It's white as fuck!
I got it yesterday.
Really?
I love shirts. I love t-shirts.
White t-shirts?
Like a good, like a good white t-shirt.
Phenomenal.
And this is from, uh, they're not a sponsor anymore. Pair of thieves, I'll give them a shout out. It's a great shirt.
It's great.
Great shirt. Great boxers, too.
Yeah?
I'm boxed out on them also.
What does that mean?
I'm wearing their boxers.
Oh, are you?
Wanna see them?
Sure.
Are you giving yourself a wedgie over there? What's going on?
No, I'm, I'm, I'm in an era of life where I'm really into like soft box.
Oh, I didn't know. Bro, I thought you were gonna say wedgies.
Come on, brother. There was someone at our show that was into that, remember?
Oh yeah, someone at our show was like, "I'm really, I have a wedgie kink. I like to give them, I like to get them."
That's crazy. I don't know, like, you're literally saying like you have a kink of someone like scarily ripping your asshole. Or burganga.
Like, you ever think about that? Like a wedgie could like go into a virgini.
I know, but like thongs. Like, that's a wedgie. You're wearing a wedgie.
Yeah, I never understood thongs.
Me neither.
Like, I like them, don't get me wrong.
I like them too.
No, nothing against them.
How do you feel about G-strings versus thongs?
I don't think I've ever seen a G-string in the wild. As far as I'm concerned, they're just something that exists.
In Brazil?
It, like, not even just Brazil, but like, it's like someone says they're, it's like a unicorn. I think people say the unicorn's not good.
People have G corns? What am I saying?
Do they got G corns?
G strings. That's tough.
Why can't, why can't you?
I don't know, I said G corns and that fucked me up.
I just, I feel like they, they're not actual things in the world. People just like, yeah, they are, but they don't exist.
No, they're there.
No, no.
It's one line across, one line down between you, crick.
That's gotta be like, I get someone made them, but why did anyone wear them? Like, you don't need to wear them, people.
I think it's like a way to like, wear underwear, but not really wear underwear.
No, but they're bathing suits, aren't they?
I think they're underwear too. Those are the ones that look like dental floss?
They literally look like it's a string covering your asshole.
It's a, cause a thong, the only difference between a thong is like, it's got that little triangle.
Yeah, there's like a little bit more.
It's a little triangle.
I, I just, like ladies.
The little triangle's not really doing anything anyway.
Ladies, you don't need to wear them. Like, you, you could, they'll stop making them if you just stop wearing them, period.
I think that they, they should wear them. I think they look really nice.
Except Pekka, you can keep wearing them.
Sorry, too much?
Jesus.
Sorry.
Well, I'm just saying, like, the little triangle at the top of the thong's not really doing anything anyway, when you think about it.
It just, it seems like it's just a stupid design.
Which one?
Like, bro, underwear should be built for comfort, not for fucking sexy.
I think it is comfortable, for them.
Really? How? Why?
I've asked this before, but I think that they're like, I don't even know what's there. I don't even know what's back there.
Cause it's not like jammed.
Brother, it looks, I mean, I get it.
It looks jammed.
It looks jammed, but I guess, I don't wear them, so I can't sit here and, and make any claims. You ever put a thong on?
What the hell was that, Ant?
You've put one on.
No, no, no, I've never put a thong on. I would, just to see what the fuss is. What, what's all the hubba bubba, hubba loo? What is it?
Hullabaloo?
Just to see what that's all about.
I just, I feel like it's not gonna go well with our lives.
Yeah, I wouldn't really be jazzed.
And if someone gave me a wedgie wearing that, I'm not kidding, I would fight them.
Well, I'm gonna have a bloody something.
Bro, as an adult, if you give an adult a wedgie, you're crazy.
What? No, it just sounded, uh, just the visual picture.
If someone grabbed my thong and ripped it up my ass, I assume there's going to be blood. There will be blood. Damn Dave Lewis.
If we wore a thong, do we have to put it to a side?
We're talking about the back. No, the front has like a hammock.
What's the front? Oh, oh. The front has like something, I mean, well, I, you know, you'd be spilling out of the thing, big cocked ant. Yeah, it's fucking Big Balls McGee over here. Yeah, you'd have to pick which way you're gonna put your fat nuts. Um, we'll be fine.
What? Come on. What? You throwing me under the bus like that? Well, I said we. You'll be fine. I got giant fat nuts too. I know. I saw it in what I was today. I know, they're regular nuts. I know. I just, I feel like, my, like, I don't have big nuts, but they're heavy. So you have normal size, but like overly hea- dense, dense nuggets. I have dense nuts. So like, I don't, I don't see a thong that I could put them in that it'll support them.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like a hammock. Like, you know when you get in a hammock and you're like, oh, I'm too heavy and the hammock is like basically touching the ground? That's what would happen if I wore a thong as a man. Yeah, probably. I mean, I've never put one on. I'd throw one on though, just to see what it's about. Throw one on and just like pumps and then just like la la la la. No, I mean, I was, no. You don't think, you don't think so? Pumps? Pumps. Yeah. I've worn high heels for like a, I did like a drag show years ago. That shit's crazy. I- The fact that like,
unbelievable. I can't believe women wear them all the time. It's tough. I just think that women have been tricked by big clothing, I guess. Big, big, big shoe. Big high heel. Big high heel into thinking that like, This is cool. This is cooler than like comfort. Like a thong is cooler than Pain is beauty, baby. Underwear. Pain is beauty. Is it? I don't know, that's what they say. Like, I would, if I was a woman, you're not getting me in a pair of high heels.
I think that like it makes the leg look like, like it's a little flexed or something and maybe that's why. I don't even know the appeal.
You're thinking of that lamp from that fucking Christmas Story movie.
I'm thinking of every heel I've ever seen.
Okay.
I'm not thinking of a lamp.
But there is that lamp, uh, which is weird. I don't like when people have that in their house.
That's.
Your lamp is a leg.
That is a weird thing, right?
Also, why are dudes into fishnet stockings? What's that about?
That's like an old, that's like an old timey thing.
You're like, ooh, she's got fishnets. She's ready for sex. What is this for?
I see it. I, I see it and I immediately think of Matt and Jeff Hardy.
I think the same thing.
I swear to God, I see it. People say, oh, fishnets. Ooh, she's a, she's a little devious minx. And I'm like, oh, this is someone that's gonna hit a twist of fate, Swamp Tom Bomb.
Yeah, I'm thinking this. You know what I mean? When I see a fishnet, I'm like, ah, I'm not thinking like, ooh.
Yeah, team extreme, not team blowjob or something.
Exactly.
You know?
I don't know where that came from.
I, you know what? Good on Matt and Jeff Hardy, the professional wrestlers for taking back fishnets from big sexism. And they made it for like rock and roll dudes.
Yeah, yeah.
You know? And then those dudes that dress and like dance like this.
Yep.
You know who I'm talking about?
I do, I do.
You know exactly who I'm talking about.
Yeah, they do the Fortnite dances and they wear gas masks.
They wear gas masks, ants pants.
Right.
And Fortnite dances. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But good for, hey, Matt, Jeff, Lita, to a degree, she took back.
Lita, she, uh, she popularized the thong, the thong showing.
That was huge.
The like thong, like going like over the waist.
Dude, when you're young and you see a like part of the thong on the hip, that was basically sex at a certain point in my life.
Listen.
I was like, that right there, so simple, piece of clothing, very thin, loved it. Why am I talking like Trump? Little, very little, thin piece of clothing, big horny. But that's what was happening to me, dude.
I'm with you there a hundred percent. It was just.
Big horny, giant horny.
It was the implication.
It was. It was like, oh, that's underwear.
That's underwear. The implication that that is underwear, like, yeah, okay.
Show me your underwear.
Yeah. And then do you remember like the fucking people would wear like the bra that had like the top of it was like poking out of their shirt and stuff like. Again, Lita, I'm finding out.
I'm finding out that Lita, forgive my voice, but I'm finding out Lita, the professional wrestler.
Was like the standard of like.
What clothing looked good on a person when we were thirteen, fourteen?
She also wore some like Avril Lavigne pants. So she was like mixing it up.
And she, but she was throwing around her Team Extreme like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was doing backflips and shit.
Moon salts and Lita Conranas and shit.
Yeah, dude. That was a good time. That was a good time in my life.
Damn.
Shout out to thongs on hips. Anyway.
Thongs on hips?
What are you doing? I was continuing the shout out.
Oh, cool.
You like thongs? But silent, love them.
Well, you guys.
You guys, you guys, you guys went to Catholic school. So like if you saw it, was it like a sin? Is that like another layer of it?
Let me explain what the, what the, what the uniform was in our high school.
I remember it because I dated a girl from your high school. It was slacks.
The women wore slacks and polo shirts.
I remember.
I remember and fucking the, the loafer of loafer shoes ever.
A loafer. Sometimes you would get, uh, some girls would like tie the bottom of their polo in like a hair tie. So it'd be a little tighter.
And it would be like, yeah.
Like a curvature of a boob. And that was like the best it got.
They, they would also hem certain inseams of their pants to tighten up around the leg and.
You went to school with fucking seamstresses and shit?
Apparently. Well, you could take it to a tailor.
Yeah, I mean, there's people that do this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that was a good move, I guess?
I don't know.
I remember when, when girls would do that where they'd take the shirt and they'd like tie it like that.
Mm-hmm.
And it would be like, oh, they're taking the slack. What, I, why? Why guys?
Also something I enjoy though.
Just being efficient with the slack?
No, not, it's not efficient. I just think it like looks like, oh, I have a little tie. I'm like, I kinda like it.
Weird.
You know what I kinda like?
This is, okay. We're going full, we're fully committed to the kinda liking things today.
That's fine.
Not, not currently, but I remember a per- a per- a time where I was like, I saw a girl on a bandana and I was like, that's cool.
Like Left Eye Lopez from TLC?
Yes, like that. And I'm like, ooh, I like the, but not in like a she needs a wrench and working on something kinda way.
Like De Brat.
Yeah, like that.
Like it was like-
R and B singers-
Like she had, like I think A- Aaliyah had one, right?
I think so, yeah. But I kinda liked the bandana look. I was like, oh, that's fire.
And she had it like that. That was a big thing in like the late 90s, early 2000s for like, the girl groups, like one of them was like The Bad Girl and had the bandana.
And it went back.
I think the Cheetah Girls did that.
Cheetah Girls, Cheetah Sisters.
They had, yeah, watch it. Uh, they, they had the, the, what's that? The one that's just like, it's a solid...
I don't remember.
It's like a headband. I think that's what it's called.
I think it might be it, yeah.
A headband. I'm like, you know.
We recently, when we were in Phoenix, we watched the Lizzie McGuire movie.
All of us that night. And then, you weren't there, don't nod. And then, uh, we threw on some Cheetah Girls, Cheetah Sisters. You know, cause the, well, I mean, such a time in life, you know? I mean, they were, they were sisters. They stood together.
We are sisters. We stand together. What was it?
That's all I know, to be honest.
We come from one big family, but we don't look the same. Our signs are different.
I knew that you knew all the words.
I know a lot of them, not all of them, though. I'm still, this is week two of me begging Joey to watch High School Musical.
There's a whole era of Disney movies that you just didn't watch.
I missed them, man.
And Cheetah Girls is, is like the start of it.
I think I've seen Che- I have seen Cheetah Girls.
I remember it was like appointment viewing when Cheetah Girls came on.
What was it? Who was in the Cheetah Girls?
It was Raven-Symone.
Adriana Biden.
Who, by the way, giant fat crush on Raven-Symone when I was younger.
Oh, hell yeah. Dude, That's So Raven was like the funniest show I ever knew at, at that time.
I loved Raymond. It's a Ray- Raymond. Raymond.
That's so Raymond.
Everybody loves Raymond.
Oh man, I saw, that was my Raymond impression. That was, we're just gonna-
Yeah, that was horrible.
Take it up.
All those fucking videos, it was, so it was her, it was Adriana Bilon.
Liked her too.
There was the, the white girl Sabrina.
Don't remember.
Uh, she's just white.
And then Kira, or Ki- Kiri?
Kylie?
Kylie, there it is.
Hmm, I have it up, I cheated. You've never, you cheated on the Cheetah Girls? You've never seen Cheetah Girls?
No, I've seen them.
It was basically 3LW with Raven-Symone.
3LW.
(singing)
What a time for music.
What a ti- what a time!
What a time.
Um, do you, did you ever see those interviews with the dude from That's a Raven afterward?
You're talking about Orlando Brown?
Bro, hell yeah.
That guy was out there, brother.
He said some things.
He kills me, bro.
He's, he's said some things.
Has he? I mean, all the videos that I've seen of him are just hilarious.
He, he...
He's definitely said some stuff.
He's said some stuff.
But it makes me laugh.
Uh, but it's, but, yeah? I guess, I guess that's the only thing you can do at that point in time.
Who knows?
Uh, I know, speaking of...
Oh.
Of the time, when I was watching Cheetah Girls, you best believe that I had some pizza bagels.
That's a segue.
Damn right, I had some pizza bagels. And pulled up this picture, and it's a plate of pizza bagels, beautiful pizza bagels, unbelievable!
Pizza bagels!
Pizza bagels, non-Mexican!
Where did you?
Italian pizza bagels!
Uh, where did you find this?
This was on the internet, but, uh, from what I know, this guy Dana Beers is what, uh, brought this picture up.
He posted this?
That's, first of all, I'm gonna say this.
That's a lot of them. That's two packs.
Can we agree?
That that like snack, like, world of like pizza bagels, pizza pockets, incredible. Like, I will ride and die for them.
They're so good and suck at the same time. Well...
The line between them being great and being awful is so thin.
Like, Hot Pockets, they're good for what they are, they suck. And pizza, pizza bagels are similar, and, uh... Pizza pockets, what's this called?
Pizza pockets, yeah.
No, no, no.
Pizza puffs?
Uh, pizza rolls.
Pizza rolls!
That's the one I'm thinking of.
Totino's Pizza Rolls.
Yeah, those are like... I feel like I'm not eating.
I, uh, see, here's the thing is.
I can eat it unlimited enough.
I've never figured out a way to cook them perfectly.
No one knows.
Because you either cook them and then everything comes out and it's just a shell.
Or you undercook them and they're still cold in the middle.
Like, there's no, it's, it's, it's a science that I have yet to figure out.
I don't think the world has that yet.
And I'll be honest with you, I'm gonna figure it the fuck out.
You're gonna keep trying.
Well, it's nice that I have kids now, cause I can buy this stuff and have an excuse to have it in the home.
Makes sense.
You know, we, you best believe we have a freezer full of mozzarella sticks right now, baby.
Before we get into it, do you eat these raw, or do you?
Raw.
Oh, sorry. Like, cooked, but just as they are, do you put something on it, or?
Oh, no, I just eat them like this.
I do some garlic powder and some sriracha?
Oh, I don't do sriracha, but I've done garlic powder.
Yeah, some, I'm just asking.
Do you?
It's a pizza.
No. You just go, you just go-
You guys are fucking Michelin star chefs with pizza bagels, they-
It's garlic powder.
It's, my guy, they're pizza bagels.
I know.
Take them as they come.
No.
Um, so, which one, so which pizza bagel here would you pick first? Like, what's the best pizza bagel here?
Oh, that's an easy one for me, brother.
So, wait, are we picking the best, or we're picking, like, which one we would eat first? Because those are, those might be different things.
Those are two different ques- that's right.
We could do a couple. I would not take, and am I, is, is just me eating these, or am I got a team of people around me who will share it?
I could dog, I could dog that whole plate very easily.
Let's say you're eating these by yourself.
If I'm eating them by myself, I'm not eating the best one first.
Correct.
I'll save that for either the middle or near the end.
I'll, I'll be honest with you, I'm probably getting the worst ones out the way first.
I probably will get, ah!
See, like, look at number three. What a fucking piece of shit.
You know what I mean? What a bastard.
What a dumb asshole. Twenty-three, two.
Yeah, I was gonna say-
Oh, my god, twenty-three. Twenty-three might get fucking skipped like a rock.
Yeah, I might take twenty-three and just throw it right out. Three, here's the thing, three sucks.
But it has a good bite on it.
One bite.
That, cause you, you're not eating that whole thing, but you're taking the bite where that cheese and that sauce is. Hundred percent.
I might go home and have some pizza bagels tonight, honestly.
These look, these, these are getting me going, a little bit, yeah.
Yeah, getting you going.
You horny over there?
You're horny over there for them.
Different age, different-
Be honest, are you horny?
I feel like just bass level usually, uh... Wait, I don't even, what? Oh, you mean because of the beat? No, I don't mean that. I mean, what's your baseline? That you're kind of horny 24/7?
I think so. Is that not everybody? You're horny right now, for no reason. I don't, there's always a reason. I mean, I-
What's the reason then?
What is the one right now?
What's the reason right now?
There's always a reason. I don't think my baseline is horny. Like, when I get horny, I'm like, "Yo, I'm horny." That's not baseline.
Eh, correct!
I'm kinda, I'm kinda with you. I think I am-
You get it.
I am at a level of horn that is slightly elevated.
I don't think it-
24/7?
I don't think it's ever at the line of horny all the time.
That's fine. It's like, H. What is this, a game of horse?
Yeah, it's a game of horse.
I'm not, my baseline is like, normal. And then sometimes, like, you know, you get in the mood, it's like, "Oh, what was that? A little spike."
Oh, no.
And then you come back down.
I like, every now and then, I'll think of, I'll think of something, and I'll just be like, "There's those thoughts."
But that's what I'm saying, like, that's not the baseline, because something moved your baseline.
Yeah, but like, the, the thoughts are always there. It's just if I'm allowing them to come to the surface.
Yeah, you're staring at me and Amp.
Well, I know-
And pizza bagels.
No, like, I'm not horny right now, but like, give me, give me 20 seconds, I'll get there.
Less for me. Uh, but that's my point. My baseline is like, not, but I, there is always the prospect of, it could happen at any time.
Yeah, like, it's, it's, it's, it's a, it's a scary game. We're talking pizza bagels.
Okay. Um, why don't we just do this? Let's make it easy. We're all in agreement that 3 and 23 are fucking, you know-
Shoot him with a gun, yeah.
What's the best one on the plate?
I could give you top 3. I'll give you my top 3.
Oh my god.
Personally.
2, 2, 2, please.
2? Okay. Top 2 for me, 12 and 20.
Where's 12?
12, okay, that's a big fat bitch. 20, ooh. I like her.
12 is also on my list, I wanna, I wanna say that.
You, I know what he's gonna say though.
Lot of coverage, lot of coverage.
I know what he's, I know what he's gonna say.
What?
He's a saucy boy. And I think he's gonna say he likes something like a 17, a 16, or a 9.
I think he's feeling it, look at him, he's horny for the sauce.
I, I'm in, I think 11 and 12 are the best ones.
11?
It's, it's, it's so-
What the hell? No, cuz I know what 11 is, 11 is the cheese bubbled up under it and there's nothing under and then all the sauce is on top.
Look at this misshapen piece of shit you pick 11.
I'm not saying it wouldn't taste good, but bro, what are we saying here?
I also, I, I gotta admit, I don't hate 10. I like a little crisp.
Mmm, 10's got too many of the burnt bubbles.
I, I-
You know what I like?
How did you say that?
I like 16. I also think that low-key 15 probably tastes mad good.
Yeah, 15 is a good looking one, absolutely.
Oh my god, dude.
Absolutely. Now, here's-
8! 8's damn near perfect, it's just not big enough. Look at 8.
Joey, why did you scream that?
Look at 8.
I see 8. Why, I just don't know why you screamed it.
Because-
Yeah, they didn't even give that one a number.
There's one here that doesn't even deserve a number, that's rude.
I think, so my approach with this, if I, if this is my plate, which it is, cuz I'm eating all 20 of those.
Right, 24.
24.
24 and a half.
Well, 22, once you take out 3 and 23.
Because they're gonna be shot with a gun.
I'm eating my least favorite first, and I'm working my way up to the most delicious.
Yeah, that's how I am with peanut M&M's. Peanut M&M's, I rip the bag open and I look at them all, and I sort them out by like, quality.
Yep, and I'm just like, you're dying first cuz you're, you're a pathetic loser.
You're getting eaten first cuz you're a pathetic dumbass.
And then I wait until I get, I, I always leave like the fattiest, nuttiest ones for the end.
You want that big nut?
Oh yeah.
That's crazy.
You don't do this with like your plates of food either? Like, I'm not kidding. Thanksgiving. I, first of all, I will say this. As you go through life, you find out you have different skills that people not necessarily knew were skills. I think I have a skill of putting together a beautiful plate of food.
I eat based off of what I'm most excited to eat.
You go?
I segment it.
Wait, so let me ask you a question.
Cause I was gonna get to this also. If you have a full plate of food.
Yes.
And let's say it is Thanksgiving, so you got a bunch of different stuff. Do you eat one thing at a time?
Yeah, I don't do that.
Yes, I do. Because I get so excited, like I'm like, oh, I'm really excited for the ham. I'm gonna leave the ham for last. Because I, it motivates me to get there.
You need motivation?
I mean, but like I, I create this beautiful work of art. It'd be disrespectful, like. I love her so much, but Becca, everything on her plate mixes it all together.
Don't like that.
And I'm like, listen, remember that gun I killed those bagels with?
You might be next.
I, I don't, so like she'll just like splash them on each other?
I don't mind that, once you start eating, it gets a little messy, like I will eat some peas with my, like, uh.
Peas on Thanksgiving, brother?
I don't know, I'm just giving an example of like mashed potatoes, like I'll kind of mix that into other shit and eat some mashed potatoes with another thing. You know what I'm saying?
It depends, it needs to be the right thing, like I, I, every now and then I'll take a, a little bit of turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes and I'll throw them in.
Yeah, exactly. Also mashed potatoes, I like to make a, a mountain and then I make a, like a reserve in the middle.
Volcano.
I pick the fucking gravy in there and then I mix it all up.
I'm really good at making mashed potatoes.
Keith, when he eats rice, he does this thing that I tried once and I'm like, this is pretty good. He flattens his rice.
That's what I used to do.
Flatten the rice?
And then he eats the rice flattened, I'm like.
Oh, I, well, my, my family, you've, you hate how my family used to eat rice. We'd flatten the rice on the plate, thin layer of mayo on top of it with sliced bananas. Oh, it's delicious. It is so good.
It's an insane one.
It is so damn good.
Um, what were you just talking about? Oh, so you don't miss, so you won't eat things like-
No!
Sometimes I'll have a bite of mashed potatoes and then I'll go for the, you know-
I mean, I mean, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll like taste it, but like, I really like to like-
That's eating, brother.
No, no, but like, I won't like eat the full, like a lot of it. I'll just be like, alright, okay, I got to look forward for that. That's third.
So, if you have steak, let's say like veggies and mashed potatoes on the side, do you eat like the veggies first fully?
Then the mashed potatoes first fully?
Really? You see, we go, we go to dinner. You don't see how I eat?
I'm focused on me, brother.
Well, I mean-
I'm not focused on-
Open your eyes, though, bitch.
I'm, you want me to watch you eat? Like, oh, look at Frankie, he's there, he's almost at the steak now.
I'm not saying watch me eat, but I mean, once you go to enough dinners with people, you see that they have different eating habits. I see your eating habits.
What's my eating habit?
You, you take a little bit of everything all the time.
I told you that just now.
No, I noticed it, bitch.
Yeah, I'm sure you did. We're yelling at each other.
What about you do? You mix? I start separated and then I mix them together.
You like to bring-
Just like the world. Just like the world.
You like to bring them together.
So like, a piece of steak, I'll dip in the mashed potatoes, you know?
Oh!
Steak in the mash?
You are a dirty little gutter slut.
Steak in the mash? I mean, I'll, if I put a piece of steak in my mouth and eat it and then the mashed potatoes, same.
No, steak-
That's like going ATM.
Steak, my, my, my friend.
Can't be like-
My friend. Steak deserves its own time in the mouth. Steak gets dedicated time in Frankie's mouth. You know how I feel about my steak.
I think it's okay. Ah, no, not steak, though. Okay, I picked a bad example, but yes, I mix them.
Turkey, I could, I'll allow it.
A chicken too.
Why did I just sound like an old woman who lives in a shoe?
Yeah, I mix everything in my mouth, so.
Alright, so here's my approach. With this plate, the ones that are getting shot in the back of the head are dying.
Then I'm eating my least favorite, working it up to my favorite, leaving-
12, 20, 17, 18, like those are good quality ones.
Towards the end.
Ooh, 18's good.
18, but you have to bite it sideways. It depends where you bite. Cause one side's all cheese, one side's all sauce. If you get it right in the middle.
So, also, let me ask you this. So something like 3 shows up on your plate, right? I don't throw it away, but I do eat it like an oyster. Like, I'm like, "Hmm." And I just take the top off.
Yeah, and I leave the bread and I'm like, "Oh, this is fucking disgusting."
Here's the thing, I fully ride for bagel bites. I fully ride for pizza pockets, pizza rolls.
It is a science to figure out when to eat these things so they don't ruin your mouth. Cause I'm not kidding, the worst I've ever burnt my mouth eating something has been on a pizza bagel when I was drunk one night.
Mine was pizza rolls.
And like, I mean like, scarily bad, my mouth.
Pizza rolls, I do this thing where I bite the end. And then I squeeze them just to feel the heat.
You squeeze, yeah, no, that's smart.
Yeah, cause I can't, you know, one time I just went in there, you can't just go into a bunch of pizza rolls and just eat them like that, that's crazy.
That's what I imagine that dude Bevo does.
Yeah. Guy fucking swallows crazy, pause.
If you pinch the pizza roll sideways, it kinda opens up like an envelope.
Then the air comes out.
That's really smart, that's really good. That's how it used to be with Hot Pockets, cause again, Hot Pockets. Again, I mean, in the name, they're telling you, those are pockets of hot.
Dude, they're hot as fuck.
I, I, it's getting to that time of the year where I need to have Hot Pockets, cause I haven't had them, and reminded myself how bad they are for me.
But I bite, and then I squeeze all the hot out, just so I can try to enjoy it.
Not how temperature works, unfortunately, but I get where your head's at.
Yeah, no, I know, it's, I always get burnt.
But like, and then it goes in like a radioactive jacket.
I like the jacket. Hold on, before we touch on this, because I do wanna talk about Hot Pockets, we do have some sponsors for today. And the first one is Skims, okay? Skims, they make underwear for, you guessed it, men and women. Uh, it started off as just women, but now they have men, and they have very comfortable boxers. I'm telling you right now, I have a pair that's like nude. Nude colored and it's also like a black pair. They are so comfortable. They are the right amount of elasticity-ish, whatever that word is. Elastic, I think is what I'm going for. So it's not too tight and it's breathable, so it keeps you nice and they're high quality. They're awesome. So for anyone out there that's in the market for some underwear, some
other cool stuff over at Skims, definitely go check it out. Shop Skims Men's at skims.com. Let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select Podcast in the survey, then select our show, The Basement Yard from the dropdown menu that follows. So yeah, go to skims.com, get yourself some underwear and also get your, get anyone on underwear. You know what I'm saying? From Skims. But it's high quality stuff, so go check that out. We also have PrizePicks, okay? PrizePicks is a lot of fun. NFL is here, so it's going to make your Sundays that much more fun. It's the only app that offers stacks, meaning you can pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. If you want to pick more on Josh Allen's pass yards, rush yards, and touchdowns, now you can pick all
of them in the same lineup only on PrizePicks, okay? So if you think that Josh Allen's going to have a fantastic day, then you can pick more on every single one of those things. And just to explain how PrizePicks works, all you have to do is pick, you know, more or less than the projection that they create. So Josh Allen, is he going to have more or less than one and a half touchdowns thrown? You know, and that's all you pick. And you choose a couple of players like that, or you can do multiple things like they just said, and you can win a bunch of money. So yeah, download the PrizePicks app today and use the code basement to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup, okay? That is the code basement, and you will get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup PrizePicks, alright? So go check it out. But yeah, like I said, it's
a lot of fun. It's more or less, very simple, has all the sports on there, not just NFL. It has NBA, or hockey, or whatever, and whenever things are, whenever the season of that sport is, they got it on PrizePicks. So go check it out. But yeah, download the app, code is basement, $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup.
And you know what, folks? If you like more of this deep raspy voice, you know where you can find it?
Nowhere, honestly. It's just because I'm a little into the weather. I was trying to segue into Patreon, but here we are, Patreon. I tell you guys about it every single week. It's the best way to directly support us and support what we're doing here. So go to patreon.com/thebasementyard and sign up today. You get these weekly episodes, one week in advance with that first tier. And you get that also with your second tier, but your second tier you also get exclusive episodes every single Friday. You guys are consistently keeping us at the top of the leaderboards with Patreon in the world. Thank you so much. Your love, your support, your passion never goes unnoticed. And we want to thank you. And for those of you guys that don't know about it, because you never know, there might be a first time listener now, you can go check it out. And if you want to sign up, why don't you do it on the web browser? If you use the apps, they take a little bit of extra money
for you, from you, excuse me. So save yourself some money. Go to patreon.com/thebasementyard on a web browser, sign up, help us, love you, we'll make you laugh, you make us happy, and we'll have a big kumbaya session, we'll hug and we'll talk about pizza bagels, okay? You never know. Maybe we will, we probably won't. But if you are coming to any of the future Basement Yard live shows, first of all, there might be some tickets still available. We're going to be in Florida in a couple of weeks. We're going to then be in DC. I don't know what's available DC, but go to thebasementyard.com on the live shows, like, portion of the website checkout. If there are any tickets available, we'd love to have you. These shows have been so fun, so interactive, incredible memories from each and every single one. So we want you to be a part of it. So if there
are tickets available and you want to come, go buy them. And if you are coming to any of the shows already, go to thebasementyard.com/submit. There's a large portion of the show where we like it to be interactive. We talk to you, about you, with you. And we've gotten some incredible crazy stories and really, really, really funny segments and parts of the show that have come out of it. So if you go to thebasementyard.com/submit, you let us know what show you're coming to, and then you submit a prompt, a response to a prompt, actually is what I should say. Maybe we'll pick it, maybe we'll talk to you. Or you could be a little shy and we won't talk about you. Like, there was someone on one of our shows that had a wedgie kink. It was crazy. But go check it out, thebasementyard.com/submit. We love you, we appreciate you, and...
I'm forgetting, oh, there's Halloween merch. That's right. Uh, there is Halloween merch. Uh, if you want to go check it out, go to shop.santagatosudios.com. It's spooky season. So we got spooky merch. And I love it so much. Uh, and, oh, there he goes, baby.
Oh, look at this. You guys get the first look right here. Boom. This is the back. Alright.
You rocketed that at me, Jesus Christ.
It says the basement yard with a little, uh, pumpkin on it. And on the back, that's me and Frank. Headless, but also have a head.
Headless, but, and also you look just disgusted. I look cool.
I have a hat on?
Actually...
Mine is a hat.
You do have a hat on.
Yay. I look like a better headless head, head than you.
Why is everything a competition?
It has to be. Uh, so go check it out. Shop.santagatosudios.com for the spooky fan of the basement yard in you. Go check it out. We love you.
Alright, uh...
Well, oh, we were talking about Hot Pockets. Okay.
I like the radioactive sleeve that it has on a Hot Pocket. And I like dumping it out on my plate.
Oh, like, just like, it's like, like, it's just like a dead fish that you're just like, here. You're living on this plate before I devour you.
Yeah, a dead fish is like an interesting, I wouldn't have said that, but...
I, I gotta have Hot Pockets. It's, it's time. It's time.
I haven't had one in a very long time.
There's only two acceptable Hot Pockets that you can have. The pizza ones and the bacon, egg, and cheese ones. The people that get like ham...
I wouldn't dream of eating that. Why? No.
The people that get like ham and cheese Hot Pockets, not, don't even make, don't even make them.
You're eating eggs. Microwaved.
So?
Oh, you draw the line at that, but you'll have...
I do regular pizza, and then pepperoni pizza. That's all.
Pizza, oh, the meatball? Shut up.
I didn't even know that was a thing that existed.
They have like a meatball one.
What's in it? Meatball, like, meatball parm?
It's like little, it's basically meatball parm in a Hot Pocket.
Actually, it doesn't sound that bad.
Uh, but it's just not right. There's only, the only acceptable one.
It's not right?
It's just not right. The pizza pep, the pepperoni pizza one is...
Cause then you pull out a slice of pepperoni and it's just hotter than the sun.
It is.
And it is gonna get ya.
Let's do some Hot Pockets in here.
That would be nice.
Hot Pockets, why don't they want to work with us?
What are we gonna do?
We'll help bring Hot Pockets back.
No one is as passionate about food as me. I love food.
I was gonna, go. I have an idea.
I think if we did a Basement Yard Hot Pocket collab. And it could be like, the Basement Pockets. That sounds like your butt.
That sounds like an asshole, yeah. Come eat our Basement Pockets. You'll love the taste. That'd be, maybe not a good marketing.
I think that'd be incredible.
And there's like, hot dogs in them?
Hot dogs and sauerkraut.
Frank, that's disgusting.
You're gonna fill a Hot Pocket with hot dogs and sauerkraut and nothing else? That's gross.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
But something. Hot dogs and something.
Chicken parm?
I would like that.
Listen, Hot Pockets.
I'm sure they thought of chicken parm.
Talk to us about our Basement Pockets, okay?
I think this could be a really cool collab.
Our backdoor chocolate pocket, yeah.
Well, see, I didn't-
What about dessert pockets?
Well, the fact they haven't gotten into dessert pockets is crazy.
This is a missed opportunity. Put some Nutella in them.
Hot Pockets, just because it's hot doesn't mean it can't be sweet.
Like a Nutella, a banana, strawberry, Nutella Hot Pocket?
Banana, strawberry, what are you, making a smoothie in the pocket?
That's what a popular dessert is.
Nutella.
And slices of banana and strawberry.
Got it, got it. I was thinking like, a mix.
No, no, no, no, no. Listen, Hot Pockets. First of all, we came up with this idea, so if you take our Basement Pockets, you're in trouble. Okay?
Leave our Basement Pocket alone.
Or Smores Hot Pocket?
See-
And it could be a cinnamon dusted pocket?
Frank, now you're fucking speaking my language. Once you start saying cinnamon dusted shit, now I'm getting fucking- Now, my baseline has been raised to horny!
Yeah, now you're horny, yeah!
Hot Pocket, sweet treats, cinnamon roll and apple cinnamon.
Mmm, cinnamon roll is a really good one too. See cinnamon?
See, can I ask you something? Why did you have to hurt us? Why did you have to tear us down? Let us think that we had special basement pockets.
Wait, hold on. We should get a cinnamon bun. Hot Pocket in here. Okay, I can do that.
Can we do? A Hot Pocket taste test? To really put it-
Get every pocket!
Get-
Order two of every fucking pocket that exists!
And? Three!
Three of every pocket? Oh, three of every pocket!
That's two packages. Cause they come two in a package.
You just hit him with a Richard Nixon?
Look at that!
You know, it's a very political episode. And?
Yes, sir. How many Hot Pockets do you think there are? Oh, we gotta eat the veggie one.
I'll do it for science.
Right, yeah.
And? Our next Patreon episode. Go buy every flavor of Hot Pocket you can find.
On the, on this budget?
You spent fifteen fucking hundred bucks on puppets!
Yeah! There's a lot of, I'm scrolling, there's a lot of Hot Pockets.
Maybe not all of them. There's what you can find at the store, though.
No, I just go to the Hot Pocket website and order all of them. How many are there?
Hot Pocket does direct to consumer?
Two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve. So there's twelve per page, there's more than four pages.
Forty-eight.
Clearly no.
Alright, we'll have to-
We'll get them all.
Well, read us the flavors.
We're not getting four hundred Hot Pockets!
Listen, my guy.
It's forty-eight.
Read us- Read us the flavors, I'm gonna give you a thumbs up if we're gonna do that one.
Uh, high protein barbaca style beef?
Barbacoa, you white fucking devil!
Barbaca! It's like a Star Wars, guys! Chewbacca and barbaca! I see the O now. The glasses, I need a new prescription. Uh, there's high protein Chipotle chicken?
Wow, they really-
Yeah, I would do that. They really dipped into the world. Sausage, egg and cheese?
Ranch lovers pepperoni?
I don't know about that there, babe.
Yeah. Steak and cheddar crispy crust. Oh, this is the whole thing crispy? I don't know. Philly cheese steak, there's a lot. Anything cool, anything like weird?
Barbaca.
Barbaca, yeah. God dang. No, they're pretty normal. Barbecue recipe. Ooh. What is barbecue recipe? I think it's just beef. Oh. And then there's the pizzas. Yeah.
Those are the, those are the, the cream of the crop.
Hiters. Um, no, they're all what you would expect.
Alright, listen, I'm not kidding.
We don't need forty-eight hot.
We don't need forty-eight boxes of forty-eight flavors, but we do need at least twenty.
Hot habanero pepperoni and sausage.
That sounds great. That'll fucking ruin your day, though.
Yeah. Not only will the temperature be hot, but the spice will be hot as well.
I think, let's put this together. You and I will talk on the back end.
Bro, ten each, I think is totally fine.
But we need to get flavors like good, like different flavors. We can't just get... You need to go to a grocery store.
That's ten, ten different ones. I'll do some research.
We'll do some research. We'll talk. We'll talk on the back end. Damn, we're doing all this free plugs for fucking Hot Pockets.
But what I, what I was thinking is that maybe for a video, we do a power hour of pizza rolls.
Just eat sixty pizza rolls?
Every minute you eat a pizza roll, see if you can do it. That would be the easiest thing I've ever done, ever. You think you'd eat sixty pizza rolls? How hard is that?
I think I could.
Maybe not Bagel Bites, but pizza rolls? How many, I think, I'll give him thirty-five. Are you outside of your mind?
Yo, honestly, you might be. I could eat four hundred of those things.
I could not, I could probably, I could get, I'm...
I get so frustrated lately. I can't speak on this show. It's so annoying. Um... That was a good point.
That was really good. I just think, listen...
We single-handedly brought back Pop-Tarts. We can agree on that, right?
We can agree. I mean, someone gave me a Spider-Man box, a Pop-Tart box.
That was nuts.
That was awesome.
Yeah, that was crazy.
That was really cool.
I'm just saying, I think if Hot Pockets is looking to get back into the world a little bit more, why not allow us to help them? And they help us. They provide us with fresh-
What are you trying to get at? They're Hot Pockets.
And we're the basement yard, bitch.
I'm, that's not what I mean. I mean, like, it's just a Hot Pocket. Like, it's a popular thing.
It is. Who? Who-
You're trying to squeeze a couple dollars out of this thing.
Couple bucks, you know? Couple bucks? Listen, Christmas is right around the corner, you know? It's like, Christmas was sponsored by Hot Pockets.
Pumpkin Spiced Hot Pocket. That sounds disgusting.
Pumpkin Spiced-
Latte Pocket?
I don't know how that would work.
I don't know either.
Just liquid in a pocket?
I think they could do, they could do like a pumpkin spice cinnamon roll.
Bro, fucking cinnamon roll Hot Pocket? I'm fucking dogging that bitch.
I think there's so many options.
That shit's gotta be 450 calories.
Each, can you look up what a ser- what's the serving size? What's the serving size and what's the caloric intake? And the sodium.
Of one, the sodium's gonna be high.
The sodium's gonna be up there, brother. That's shelf life.
Okay. They're, they vary per, but the pepperoni pizza is from 310 to 360 calories.
Yeah. Per, per, per duo or per udo?
What's duo? They come in singles? It's per uno.
No, it's a, one serving is one pocket.
Yes, one serving is one pocket.
Okay. Okay.
I have the back of the box here.
How much sodium is in a pocket?
Serving size is one sandwich. That's what they call it.
So, how much sodium is in that?
720 milligrams. That's 31% of your daily intake.
That's not as high as I thought it would be. That's a lot, bro.
Of course, it's a lot.
You're having two thirds of your sodium intake from two Hot Pockets. Cause be fucking honest, you're eating both of them. You're not eating one.
Why are you saying both? They come in singles!
No, the box, they come two in a box.
This box holds five, so it varies.
I thought you were talking about like, they come in bags.
I know, they come in individually wrapped pockets.
I don't, I've never eaten two Hot Pockets.
Oh, that was, that was the norm, baby.
Two?
No, I ate one.
You, I, we've acknowledged that your eating habits are stranger than mine.
Stranger? You're eating both out of the box!
How's that not the strange one? I'm eating the serving.
Well, I'm just gonna eat only one Hot Pocket. Wh- wh- what hunger is that craving? Is that satisfying? What craving is that satisfying?
Well, it's all about the hunger that you let yourself get to before you choose to eat a Hot Pocket.
I'm hungry always. All the time, for every food. Every, always, everything.
So, right now, you're hungry for cotton candy?
I could eat something always.
Like, it is a problem. I, I, I think I have. That like, I am always down to eat.
DTE, baby.
Yeah, down to eat.
Always down to eat.
Mm-hmm. Richard Nixon is back.
They also pretty much all have 10 grams of protein per.
That's not bad!
That's gains, baby.
That is pretty good, dude.
That's pretty good.
That's more than like-
What does the high protein barbaca one have?
That's a great question. That one I'd have to look up specifically, and I don't know how to spell it. Give me a second.
Barbacoa.
High protein Barbaca beef?
20 grams.
Holy shit, dude. That's like an actual, that's like a protein shake that I have.
Dude, this whole like, have you seen the like-
The world is just going toward like putting protein in everything now. There's like protein sodas that are like thirty grams of protein and it's like a can of soda.
I wouldn't be able to do that.
I mean, what is it?
It, I don't know. I don't know. They somehow put whey in there, I don't know.
Like, what is going on?
I mean, it's just like, I, I have Olly Pops because they're high in fiber. Nine grams of fiber in there. And if I poured one out in a glass once and it just looks like-
You're gonna shit your pants, dude.
You're supposed to have a lot of fiber.
Isn't like eight grams the daily intake?
No. I think, it's like everyone's under. I think it's, you're supposed to have like eighteen or something.
Eighteen grams?
How much fiber are you supposed to have each day? Oh, like apparently that's like an issue with a lot of people nowadays is that they don't get enough fiber in their diets.
So here, take it in soda?
There's three grams of sugar in it and-
Oh, no, no, I, I love them. We have them all the time. They're incredible.
Yeah, like twenty-five to thirty-eight grams.
Per day.
That's a lot of fiber. Listen. Soda is having its time in the fucking sun right now.
Really is.
And I am very happy for soda.
I also, I know I'm super late and I have no idea why or whatever. I had no idea that diet soda was zero calories. Had no clue.
I don't trust diet soda. I don't know what it is. As far as I'm concerned, it is like from another planet.
I think it's a great alternative to soda.
But like Olly Pop, there's another big brand that I can't, it's on the tip of my-
Poppy.
Poppy. Bro, unbelievable. The Poppy Orange Soda is so fucking good.
I'm faithful to the-
You know, there's all these like big like, there's like a lot of like, and, and I'm sure with enough time, there, stuff will come out that maybe they are not as healthy as they are claiming. But like, uh, Half Day, remember those iced teas that I show you? They make like probiotic iced teas and shit like that, like. Drinks are having a time. Drinks are coming back.
Yeah, they are.
Probiotic stuff scares me.
It's, I mean, why?
Cause aren't, aren't you drinking like little things?
It's bacteria, yeah.
I mean, but it's good bacteria.
It's kombucha.
I know, but they're entering me, you know?
Now, now what?
Now, now you're concerned about that. Now you're gay? Oh, what, you're letting these little microorganisms munch on your belly?
Fuck you. You're eating like little bugs, kind of.
Yeah, you're damn right you are.
I mean, the bugs are everywhere, bro. Why do I say it like that?
Bruh.
Yeah, they're everywhere.
I guess so.
What's, what's germs? What's, you know?
Maybe if I close my eyes.
No, no, no. It's not. It's just, just get over the fact that you're drinking bacteria. You, you like yogurt?
Not really.
Yogurt, that's active bacteria.
Yeah, it's weird.
Lactobacillus, bitch.
See?
Can't get science on it. That was in Harry Potter.
Hell, yeah. I just fucking bacillus your shit.
I just think, like, brands right now are having a big moment in the sun. Allow us to be along with it. Hot Pocket.
Let us, let us, let us be along for the ride, Hot Pockets.
I just wanna eat this cinnamon roll one.
I just, I wanna, I wanna enjoy a Hot Pocket for the thirty seconds that I'll probably enjoy it.
Yeah. We're gonna get some Hot Pockets in here for sure, but we also have to get to these sponsors anyway.
More sponsors?
Well, there's more sponsors. Guys, listen, if you are gonna wanna afford all these Hot Pockets, then you're gonna need to use Rocket Money. Cause Rocket Money is an all-in-one personal finance app that is focused on putting the money back in your pocket. Okay, they're gonna help you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions that may be something you signed up for in the past, or the, a free trial that lasted a week, and then after that, they started charging you every month and you didn't really know. Or maybe you even go on Rocket Money and you plug in your information, you realize, huh, I've been paying for this and I haven't used it in months. Maybe it's time to cancel that. Maybe I'll keep that money every single month. And at the end of the year, you have accumulated a couple hundred bucks just from canceling that one thing. That's what Rocket Money is there for. They also have budgeting, uh, tools to help you set a budget, be more financially responsible, so that you can start growing your savings, okay?
And another, uh, feature that they have is... Something where you can upload pictures of your bill and if they can help you lower it, they will do so. So it is a very helpful tool to help put the money back in your pocket, help you grow your savings. So go check them out, Rocket Money. They have 5 million members that have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features, okay? So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter the show, the Basement Yard in the survey, so they know that we sent you, okay? So go download that Rocket Money app today and tell
them you heard about it from the Basement Boys. And lastly here, we have BetterHelp. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. If you want to get into therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp and they're going to make, you know, that onboarding very seamless. You can start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours. So there's a quick turnaround there. Also, October 10th, it's World Mental Health Day, okay? Just to remind people, mental health is very important and I think that, you know, everyone can benefit from therapy in their own way, even if you feel like you don't have anything that you, is very traumatic, or, you know, something like that. I think that therapy
can still help you in a number of other ways as well. So go check out BetterHelp. You know, they will get you hooked up with, you know, they have over 30,000 therapists. It's the world's largest online therapy platform and have served over 5 million people globally. So our listeners will get 10% off of their first month at betterhelp.com/basementyard. So go to betterhelp.com/basementyard to get started on your therapy journey and to earn that 10% off, okay? So betterhelp.com/basementyard. There you go, folks. But anyway, speaking of food and whatever, blah, blah, blah. There was also a story that came out that Van Leeuwen made a sunscreen flavor.
Yeah, I saw that. They partnered with Carnival Cruise Lines to make a sunscreen flavored ice cream.
Can't imagine that tastes good. You've eaten good sunscreen?
I've smelt it and been like, it can't taste that bad.
I don't feel that way.
I love the smell of like, sunscreen. That I will say. So like, I guess it makes sense that it would taste good too, right?
I mean, if you like the smell, then maybe-
Like, what's something you love the smell of that you think wouldn't taste good?
Soap?
Yeah, that's a good one.
That's a good one. Now that I said it, it sounds stupid.
Yeah, no, no, no-
Febreeze.
That's tough, because I don't even know, yo, you know what looks mad good? Windex.
Windex looks tasty.
Yeah, don't drink it.
Yeah, no, I mean, yeah.
Don't make sure we say that.
Of course.
You know, I mean, yeah, all these things that they look delicious, but they wouldn't, they would kill you. Like, I, I get why kids were eating Tide Pods.
They look good.
They look like gushers.
They look like a really sick gusher.
Yeah, that's true.
But don't do it.
Don't do it, don't eat it.
Don't eat it.
Kids ended up in the hospital.
Um, would you try this? They've made like weird ones. Didn't they make a mustard one? Van Leeuwen?
Van Leeuwen hasn't really let me down. Every time I've ever had it, it's been good.
I don't think I've ever had a Van Leeuwen ice cream.
Ever.
They make a honeycomb one? That's fucking-
I'm into it though, I'm not against-
I'm like a little bee. I'm like a little bee, bro. The honeycomb one, I'm like, oh my god. You're like a little bee buzzing around. Yeah, buzzing in there! Yo, give me that honeycomb shit, bitch. I went in there, they had the nerve to ask me, it was like, one scoop or two scoop?
Went in there, they have sto-
You think I'm a bitch or something?
They have stores?
Yeah, bro, they got mad stores.
Where?
Everywhere. I walked into one and I was like, can I get the honeycomb? She's like, one or two scoops. I almost fucking slapped her hair off. I was like, two, double.
Yeah, you tried to clean that up, but you just committed to slapping her hair off.
Yeah, what, what'd you think I was trying to say?
I don't know, I just didn't know where you were going with it.
Yeah, I didn't slap anyone.
Well, we know that. The only thing I got slapped was that ice cream on the back of your throat.
You could say that again. There's little pieces of honeycomb in it, and I was like, oh my god, I'm all-
I do love honeycomb.
Now that I'm thinking about it, and the cereal honeycombs. Um, yeah, I think they made like a mac and cheese one, I think they made a mustard one.
They have also a pizza one. They have one-
Pizza ice cream?
I don't know if I like it, but it sounds like it. No, no, no, no, no, no.
They have one that's just called Planet Earth?
That's weird.
What is that? Tastes like dyke?
Yeah, what would that taste like?
Dirt?
Dirt and grass?
Dude, hear me out. A grass flavored ice cream?
I wouldn't not like freshly cut grass. Yeah.
This is gonna sound weird, but I hope that you're with me here. But imagine they made a flavor that was like wind.
Nope. Sorry, buddy.
Move on.
I maybe like, maybe like...
You know when you get a good wind?
Summer rain.
Like, you know when it's like hottest shit out?
Like rain on concrete?
Rain on concrete?
I don't mind that.
I would, I would go nuts for that.
Yeah, I don't mind that. There is also, and then there's just, hmm, bourbon cherry.
Ah.
Oh, hot honey?
Ooh!
I can tap, ah, tap, yeah! I can definitely, ooh, here's a good one, here's a good flavor for an ice cream. A barber shop.
Fuck you.
You never walk into a barber shop, like that smell? No?
No way, dude, I'm sorry.
You both immediately went on your phones, are you kidding me?
I'm sorry.
A barber shop!
But you gotta, that means you have to have a little bit of hair in it.
I don't need hair. I'm saying the smell of a barber shop, you walk in, imagine you could take that and make it an ice cream.
I know one, I know one. If it was an ice cream, but it was flavored of old leathery book.
Yeah, an old book, old though.
I'm ascending to space!
Sorry. Ooh, I got, I got another one. How about, uh, uh, uh, an ice cream that's like an exploded firework?
I do love that, and also like the feeling of the concussive blast. So like if they could make it so like there's a, like a feeling of a firecracker in my ice cream?
Like Pop Rocks?
No, like an explosion. Idiot. Duh, that's what I meant!
I think an explo- you ever go like, you know when the fireworks are over and then the winds come in, so like you get a smell of that, like that?
I do like that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about this? This is a real simple one.
Coins!
What about coins? I wrote pennies. Hmm, I'm more of a nickel girl.
You know, like a nickel flavored ice cream?
You can't scare me like that dude. You know what you did, right? You know what you did?
I think, now, this, this might, this, we will all agree on this.
Trix yogurt flavored ice cream.
Ooh, yeah.
You remember those?
I mean, that basically was ice cream.
I know, I know. You remember those Trix yogurts?
And you opened it up and you saw that dumbass rabbit?
And you just wanted us to be like, "Not, not here rabbit."
"Go back to your rabbit hole, rabbit."
Starting to get less relatable. Um, I wrote down like, whatever an Oscar tastes like.
An Oscar?
Like success? Success flavored ice cream?
I'd see that.
Tennis balls!
Tennis ball ice cream!
Tennis ball ice cream.
Oh god!
Dude, the feeling of cracking open a thing of tennis balls?
They know what they're doing, making that like a fucking tuna can.
You know who should start making ice cream? Rolex. Let Rolex make an ice cream. And they're just like, "What is it?" And they're just like, "It's Rolex ice cream, baby." You don't even know, if you can't, the, the, we're all out of flavors. We don't know.
We don't have the ice cream here actually.
We don't have the ice cream that you actually want. You'll be on a waitlist for four years.
What about, oh, I don't know, I don't know how you guys are gonna feel about this. Gasoline ice cream?
I don't hate it! I don't hate it! It can't taste like gasoline. It could smell like it.
It smells like gas!
But-
There's gas, there's fire!
Or is it like, like gas though, you know, like, gas, gas.
Weed ice cream. I'm shocked at it. That's probably a thing, right?
Yeah, probably.
It probably is a thing already?
I would, I would imagine that someone has made weed ice cream.
I got, um, what about marbles?
Marble ice cream?
I don't hate that.
You know, cause like you ever see a bowl of marbles, you're like, I wanna put that in my mouth. But that's just Dippin' Dots.
That's true.
Oh, but more glassy, you need more glass.
You guys might not follow me here, and it doesn't make sense.
I like this.
But if it was ice cream, and it was flavored after cow udders.
Because, because here's the thing, I don't know if they taste good, but they look like they would taste great.
You wanna wrap your lips around an udder? Is that what you're saying?
I think I'm in.
Yeah, I think I'm in.
We got him, just like they're like beautiful, fat, and pink.
Speaking of pink, rosé? Rosé ice cream?
Bubbly ice cream, that's gotta exist already.
Not bubbly.
That's gotta exist already?
Probably, yeah.
Ooh, Guinness ice cream, I think that definitely exists.
Yeah, that probably exists.
That probably exists, I'm in on that.
What about like, the white foam the ocean makes when it hits the sand? That's disgusting, Ann!
I think that's urine.
Oh, is it? It's not urine, it's like sea foam, and it's disgusting. But it looks tasty.
No, you're a weirdo for liking that.
Ew! Doesn't it look tasty?
Ew! You're weird.
Ew!
Loser.
Middle fingers are back. Hot pockets of middle fingers, baby.
I'm trying to think of something else. I thought it looked tasty.
I got more here.
You know what I think is a good flavor, but I don't know what it would taste like, but I'd like, if something was called this, then I'd be like, that probably tastes really good. Comfy couch.
I kind of, I'm with you on that one. I'm with you on that one, you know what I want? You know what I want? The last day of school before Christmas break smell.
You remember that?
You're trying to embody a feeling now, it's not even a smell anymore.
Yeah, duh.
Wait, I thought we were talking about ice cream.
Oh, but what would it taste like?
It would taste like, a little bit of Coca-Cola, and some stale pretzels, and a, a fourth of a sliver of pizza, and then like, just like cookies that your teacher made that are kinda burnt, but like, she made them so you have to eat them because you feel bad, and then like, the little like, plastic baggies that like, the one kid's parent from the class that like, clearly went overboard made, that has like a, like a Christmas pencil eraser in there, and something like that.
Eraser ice cream.
I wrote that down, damn it. Did you? Yeah, I did. Eraser.
That whole thing you did, uh, put the eraser in there.
The eraser.
Scholastic book fair ice cream.
Scholastic book fair ice cream, yeah. It's, it's, it's made with pieces of like the magazine. You remember the like scholastic book fair like, like fucking catalog that you would get that was like that like tissue paper? They ripped that up and they put it in there. And you could probably be like, oh, that's a goosebumps.
Stay with me, maybe this is a little crazy. Ice cream flavored ice cream. And it's just more, it's just more of the flavor. Like it's so concentrated ice cream.
Pizza bagel ice cream.
Didn't you say that exists? Yeah.
Pizza, no, no, no, but you put a scoop of it on a bagel. And it's a pizza bagel. Pizza ice cream bagel, pizza pegel.
I'm delirious and basically high because of all these cough drops.
What about potpourri?
I don't like it. It reminds me of like grandmothers.
Grandma ice cream? No.
What about if you could?
Ooh.
Suflaki!
Yeah. Suflaki ice cream.
Suflaki. Gyro.
Gyro.
You know, you gotta be gyro, meat stick. Yeah, baby.
With like the barbecue and the lemon and the pepper. And they put a big ass piece of fresh Italian bread on the end of it.
I wrote another one, but I don't know if I should say it.
Say it.
I wrote your mother.
I wouldn't laugh at that if I was you.
Are you talking about his mother?
It's general. General, everyone's mother.
I wanna say he left.
That's your mother too.
I, I, I, I...
I wanna say he left. I saw it.
I didn't laugh.
Did you not see the look of bewilderment on both of our faces?
I was looking for something to throw at you.
Oh, it's, oh, it's...
Yeah, that's what I was doing.
Cause guess, guess, your mother
is a blanket statement. So that's my mother, that's his mother.
Technically, it could be your mother.
My mother too, technically.
Hey man.
Sometimes you take risks.
What about diaper?
No. No? Absolutely not? No?
Yeah, I'm not into that either.
I just think like, I kinda don't hate the idea of the, the sunscreen. Because like, be honest, like, you smell sunscreen and you like it. So like, if they can make it taste like not chemically, I'm in.
That's the whole thing.
But no, it can smell a certain way, but taste a different way.
You know? Axe, Kilo Axe Body Spray.
You love Axe.
I don't. Take it easy.
You do.
Take it easy.
When I was fourteen, I loved it.
Oh my god, you loved it.
I remember they had a, a one, it was a brown one. There was Kilo. There was the brown one, I think it was called like Sensations.
Sensations?
What, I gotta look up Axe Body Spray.
I had Sensations.
You did you?
Yeah, I did.
Axe Body Spray Sents. A twelve pack. You can get a twelve pack.
Who would need that much Axe Body Spray?
Someone that really likes them. So there's Anarchy for him.
Stop. That's the name of one of the sets? What are you wearing? Anarchy.
For him. Africa.
Africa?
Alaska.
Yeah. Apollo. Ooh. Black Knight.
Black Knight.
And Black.
Black Knight, Apollo, Africa.
Musk.
Musk?
Yep. Wild.
Wild.
Marine.
That's gotta be a green.
Leather and cookies.
What? Why those two things together?
Dark temptation. There it is.
Dark temptation, okay.
What did I say? Cream sensations or something like that?
You just said sensations, I think.
Alright, whatever. Excite?
Excite?
Gold?
Gold temptation.
Oh, the other gold is just gold. This one will tempt ya.
Icebreaker and ice chill. Where's the old ones?
2004 Axe Body Spray.
Wasn't there one that was just chocolate? Probably. I feel like I remember that.
I might have had that one.
Oh, Listerine Ice Cream.
Listerine?
No, dude, come on. Grow up.
What do you... Shut down that one out of all the ones we said?
Uh, yeah, here we're talking. Alright, you ready? These are the 2004 scents for Axe Bodies Spray.
Oh my god, it's gonna be insane.
Shock.
Shock?
Yeah. Instinct.
I'm just glad it wasn't incest.
Kilo, which was my favorite.
Kilo?
Kilo.
Why?
That was the best one. Vice.
Vice?
Clix. C-L-I-X.
Clix?
Yeah. Essence.
Mmm, of course, essential.
Touch.
Touch?
And Phoenix.
These are... Who are naming these? The horniest people in the world.
On the planet, dude.
It's crazy.
That's your base level.
I thought the names were cool. Yeah, you'd be into it.
If podcasting and comedy and this stuff doesn't work out, I think I have a future in naming Axe Body Sprays.
I also do, too.
I think that there's a chance that I could be good at it.
It's your dream job.
Do they still sell Axe Body Spray?
You know they do.
I don't...
You just said they sold 12 packs.
Oh yeah, that's right.
That should cover you your entire life.
I wanna get a vintage bottle of Axe Body Spray.
Vintage?
Vintage.
I don't know if you'd describe that as vintage.
I mean, why not? It's a 21, 22-year-old bottle. Do you think it still smells like Kilo?
It ages like wine, baby.
It ages like wine?
You think it still smells like Kilo? Whatever that smells like. Oh, man. Well, there you have it, folks.
Nooo.
Go ahead.
How's your day?
You see?
See what?
That's a beginning of the show.
No, it could be an end. What do you got going on tonight?
Tonight?
Seahawks Cardinals.
Uh, you're giving away when we're recording this.
Yeah. Who do you think? Seahawks. Yeah, that's an easy, that's an easy one. You throwing a couple, throwing a couple bucks on it?
Haven't.
Good for you. How's your fantasy team doing?
One and two.
Yeah, not great. Yours?
We're doing small talk. I don't do fantasy.
Why not? Why not do small talk?
I don't like it.
You?
Do I like small talk?
I like medium talk.
Give us some, give us an example of a medium talk.
Like, so, how's the weather is small talk?
Like, when's the last time you got caught in the rain? Medium talk.
It's such a funny question. When's the last time you got caught in the rain? Why is that funny?
I don't know. Not what I was expecting. I'm picturing like a situation where you would ask someone out of the blue like, when's the last time you got caught in the rain? Like, imagine like meeting someone for the first time, like the third question in.
I don't think that's funny at all.
Oh, sorry guys. Everyone.
What do you think the sun tastes like?
From Axe. No, Phoenix.
Well, obviously.
Or Touch. Do you think you could, do you think if I sprayed, you could, you could identify the smell?
Are you insane? Absolutely not. And I'm sure they all smell like relatively similar.
Well, I imagine there's a difference between Dark and Dark Knight.
Or Black and Black Knight. What was it?
I think it was Black Knight, Apollo, and something else.
Ice, Clicks, Vice. Vice.
Clicks. Yeah.
What was worse, Axe or Bod?
I forgot Bod existed until right now.
I used to have Bod.
Bod was like, I love the commercials. It's like you spray it and a woman shows up and like humps this guy's leg. And you're like, what is this?
It's like, this is for 12 year old boys.
Yeah, it isn't, by the way. You just loved it.
It was definitely marketed toward kids my age. Our age.
The, the, the, uh, commercials were grown men.
Yeah, but it was like, they're like, here, it's a stocking stuffer.
I don't think that was the commercials.
I used to get Axe. I had a lot of colognes and body sprays as a kid.
I didn't have any. I had an Axe.
You smelled like shit.
I smelled fine.
No. You smelled like shit.
And you smelled like clicks.
I did. I smelled like touching vice.
And kilo.
You smelled like vice, dude.
I think I smelled great.
Sure you did.
I had Michael Jordan cologne. Had a basketball on the bottle.
It was good. I also had Kira. You remember Kira? From Pac Sun? That was a big one.
What was the, uh, Curve was a big one.
Curve was a big one, yes.
What was the one from, um, Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch, something like that?
It was like-
Oh, Fierce!
Oh, I don't remember that one.
I remember that.
Do you know a weird thing at the time? Remember when people would, like, 13-year-old kids would be outside of Abercrombie & Fitch with bathing suits on?
Dudes with their shirts off, just standing there.
Like, here, 15-year-old girl, go stand outside in a bikini at the mall. Weirdos.
It was a time. It was a time. It was the Wild West.
It really was. The Wild, Wild West.
Don't start singing the song. We're gonna get out of here before Frank starts singing Will Smith's songs, but thank you guys so much for, uh, you know, hanging around. Uh, like we said earlier, the Halloween merch is available now. Shop.santagodstudios.com to get yours in time for Halloween. Uh, send us some pictures, uh, if you buy it and let us know. We love seeing that from you guys. Uh, you know, there's also some tickets left, especially for, um, Hollywood, Florida. Uh, that's gonna be a really fun show. Danny's opening that show. It's gonna be a party. Really excited for that, so go check that out. Basemyard.com and submit. Uh, the Basemyard.com/submit. Send that in as well. Um, and yeah, we'll see you guys out there.
We're gonna find you.
And, do you wanna see you guys next time? Thank you so much.
Yeah, wait, wait, wait. Come on.
What do you wanna say?
That is, jokes aside, that is getting rude. You could find me at the Frank Alvers everywhere. Also,
maybe, maybe on eBay buying vintage Axe body spray stuff.
Okay, and you could find Ant on the top 10 FBI's Most Wanted list. He's been on there for a couple of years.
That's the joke I'm ending with.
Solid.
That's it, we'll see you guys next time.
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalised products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
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