#520 - The Unknown Caller

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• 0:00Speaker 00

  At Edward Jones, we believe rich is about taking care of what gives your life meaning. That's why your financial advisor personalizes your plan to help you preserve your progress and create something that lasts. Let's find your rich. Edward Jones. Member SIPC.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? What are you looking at over there?

• 0:26Speaker 02

  In heaven?

• 0:32Speaker 01

  What?

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Nothing. You got any, like, text messages or anything?

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Crazy question. Anyone get in touch with you? You got any text messages?

• 0:47Speaker 01

  Would you look at that?

• 0:48Speaker 02

  You did?

• 0:49Speaker 01

  There's a text from you.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  No, it must be a no number.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  "You fucking little dirty bitch.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  Your boyfriend Tristan only wants to suck my fingies for dessert.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  He's all mine. Fuck off, fugly whore. Bish."

• 1:14Speaker 01

  You almost put your hand through the desk right there, sir.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  I need you to take it down. Thank you for texting me that.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  I just, you know...

• 1:23Speaker 01

  We knew we were gonna talk about this documentary.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I figured that I would...

• 1:26Speaker 01

  That's a good transition.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  I need to get in character.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:29Speaker 02

  You know? Fugly whore. Bitch.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. "He only wants to suck my fingies for dessert." Spelled D-I-Z-Z-I-R-T, which is the only proper way to spell dessert.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  I remember the spelling of dessert because dessert is one thing, but dessert is extra sweet, so it needs another S.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  That's a good way... That's a good mnemonic device.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  You're welcome. Now you're never gonna fuck that up.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  I haven't. I know the difference.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  I'm just padding.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Are there words that, like, you have to say in order to spell?

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Acknowledge.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  How do you... What do you say in your head?

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Acknowledge.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  No, that's not what I mean. I meant, like, is there a word that you are pronouncing wrong to spell correct?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Well, thanks to Bruce Almighty. Beautiful. B-E-A-utiful.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  And then. Everyone does. Wednesdays, yeah. I also, I also for business say bus-iness. Bus-iness? Niss. Bus-iness? No, nope. I be bustin' eye nuts. See, no. No, though. Bus-iness. Also, the one that I have to, I don't say it, but I have to think about it, February. Because it's fre- February. Yeah, February. It's not February. Yeah. It's February. Is there a word that you just can't spell? Honestly, I know it's an easy one, but acknowledge I have had trouble with in the past.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  It's just A C. I know, I know, I know. I, I just, I don't ask me why, I've had trouble with it. Mine is itinerary. I T I N E R A Y? I add like T's. Nope. I don't know what he did. Itinerary. Itiner- See, it's tough. Itinerary. No, hold on. I used to spell it it-. Itinerary. Yo, what is going on? To say the word? Hold on. Wait, let's have, I have it up. Itinerary. He can't say it. Yo, well, hold on. Itinerary. You can't say it. Itinerary. Itinerary. Yes? Yeah. Okay. Yo, my, feel my heart, it is racing.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  I got scared for a sec. I, I, I used to, I used to spell it, I, like itinerary. Itiner- Itinerary. I T I. N. Oh, eh, don't, don't help. N E R A N Y. Huh?

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Itinerary? See, I can't even say it. It's rary. Rary? Yeah. Rary? Itinerary. Yeah. Itinerary. I T I N E R A R Y. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, that's a tough one. See? That is a really, really difficult one. A lot of people can't spell restaurant, that's mad easy. Resta-erant. Yeah. I, I, the only reason I know how to do that, and this is a very weird, I guess, mnemonic device, is because of our friend Lawrence. How he spelled his name with the A U. That's the only reason why I know how to spell restaurant?

• 4:28Speaker 02

  That's the only reason I know how to spell restaurant. When I was a kid for together, I did to get her. Oh, okay. Ew dude, what the fuck? Who are you getting? It's just fucking with those glasses, Dahmer? To get her? Jesus Christ! Get her and what? Kidnap her? You fucking freak? Get her and wear her skin. To get her together. Me and her together, I must get her. Jesus, take it easy. Yeah, that, no, there, there are other ones like, like spelling wise. We haven't done a spelling bee in a while. We should probably revisit that for a San Diego Studios video. I would. That's one of our, like- I'm not great at spelling. A lot of people don't realize that that is one of our like, longest running clips that we have. That's before, that's from like 2018, 2019? Asplendo.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's from a, a San Diego Studios spelling bee video. That was a while ago. That was, I think, 2018 or 2019. Yeah. You know, definitely pre-pandemic. Yeah, it was. You know, because I was like 170 pounds. Yeah, and you had slicked back hair like Steven Seagal. Of all the people? Looked just like him. I looked like Steven Seagal? Your hair looked like him. I did, don't fucking shake your head. Didn't it? No, it didn't, no. All of a sudden, you look like everyone and now no one. No, I definitely don't look like Steven Seagal. I'm not saying you look like Steven Seagal. You, I'm not telling you who I look like. I'm telling you who I'm told I look like. Idris Elba. I have been told that there are- Who was that? Who said that? Someone? Right.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  I have been told there are similarities between myself and Idris Elba. I'm not the one that's telling, I'm not making this up. You think I would ever, like, that, that's tone deaf to say that I look and resemble Idris Elba. The dude is chiseled from fucking marble. And he's black. Yeah, that too. Most obvious one. That too, but like- I'm just reporting the news, but back to my text message to you.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Fugly whore.

• 6:24Speaker 01

  Right.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Fugly, fugly stupid bitch.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Right, that's what you said, something about dessert in there.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Slur.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  We, there's a documentary right now out on Netflix, and just letting you know.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  It's called like The Worst Catfish.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Well, it's called Unknown Caller.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, I'm wrong.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  We're gonna spoil it for the sake of having this conversation, so if you really care about that, then I guess you can skip it, but I promise you, this episode is probably better than the documentary.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Also, definitely better than the documentary, because we're the basement yard, too. Everyone is talking about it.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's hard to ignore.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, and if we're the one spoiling it for you, congrats.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  It's also like worth watching, even if you know, like, I guess, the twist.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  And, and the reason it's worth watching with the twist is the fact that, so, background. Basically, it centers around this girl who was fifteen, sixteen at the time.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  If that, yeah.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  And was getting harassed.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Via text.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Via text message, from someone that is just saying the most vile shit.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, she had a boyfriend, it was like, oh, your boyfriend, his name was like Owen, right?

• 7:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, white name, hell. Also, this is a small town where their, their school that they're in is from, uh, like kindergarten to 12th grade.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Like, that's how small this town is.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  Everyone knows each other.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  And there's like 400 kids or something like that.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  So like, it's, it's hard to pull something like this off, you know?

• 7:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, but also like, uh, this happened a couple of years ago, right?

• 7:51Speaker 01

  I don't know when it was.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  Technological advances that we have, the fact that, like, it was coming from an unknown number.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Well, it was, uh, one of those apps.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Regardless, still difficult, you know, like I-

• 8:02Speaker 01

  What are you asking? Or what are you saying?

• 8:03Speaker 02

  To like hide something like that.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  You know, I imagine that the police have a plethora, I mean, clearly, if you watch the documentary, you see they have tools that they're fucking ready.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  You know, but she's getting harassed by these text messages that are just saying like, not only the most vile stuff to say to anyone, but like also to like- A sixteen year old girl.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, like they're saying stuff like, oh, your, your boyfriend Owen doesn't, doesn't love you anymore. He likes me. And then like the next text message would be like, he wants BJ's, make me cream. And you're like, what is this?

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Which is, which, it's so fucking like, it's just, it's insane. Like, there's no other way to describe it outside of the insanity of the fact that it happened. But then, so as you're watching the documentary, like, they get, like, they talk to the girl, they talk to her mom, they talk to her dad, they talk to her Owen, they talk to his parents. It's a pretty, like, good amount of people that they have in the documentary.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  And then like,

• 9:06Speaker 02

  three quarters of the way through, you find out, spoiler, but it's us, it's a basement yard, you like us, right? The person that was sending the text messages was the girl's own mother.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. So the girl's own mother is sending her messages going, hey, kill yourself.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Y- y- y- oh, oh!

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Like, how do you?

• 9:30Speaker 01

  On top of everything else, also, make me cream.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Just, yo, like,

• 9:34Speaker 01

  Why are you saying that?

• 9:35Speaker 02

  There are so many levels.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Why are you saying that?

• 9:38Speaker 02

  There are so many levels to why this is, forget wrong, like, cyberbullying is wrong, period. But like, there's just added layers on top of it, like, you're talking to your sixteen year old daughter and sexualizing her and her sixteen year old boyfriend and saying like, like, you're like relating it back to you. It's just like, he hung out with me and, and I gave him handjob. And it's like, yo, you're, fuck it, you're an adult, dude.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, what is the point of this? Like, what's the end game here?

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Here's the thing, I wa- I, you, I feel like you watch a lot of like true crime documentaries too.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  I watch them sometimes begrudgingly because they scare me.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  What in, what do you mean?

• 10:21Speaker 02

  They're spooky.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  Crime?

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, we all don't like crime.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  I know, but like, I really don't like crime. That's why I went to school to try to be a justice.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  To fight crime?

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, to fight crime. Look at me now.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  How's that going?

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Look at me now. But I, like, true crime freaks me out more than like horror movies, if that makes any sense.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Because like-

• 10:44Speaker 01

  It actually happened?

• 10:45Speaker 02

  It actually happened, and like, a lot of the time it'll be like, "We had no clue. They were so nice and personable," you know, like, like the one about your uncle, Dahmer. Like, it was like, you know, it was a quiet person, like, that seemingly no one could have told, and it's just like, "I know quiet people."

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  You know, "I know people that are chill." So like, it freaks me out.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  This was one that was so insane to me, because most documentaries you watch, it'll be like, "Oh, uh, everyone, no one knows who it was, but it's like, the person, the victim's husband is not in the documentary." So you're like, "Okay."

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  "We can kind of decipher, using process of elimination, that it was that person."

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. The mom was in this documentary chatting away, the whole time, and then all of a sudden they're like, "Yeah, I know, it was, uh, Kendra." I was like, "What? This bitch?

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  She's texting her daughter this shit?

• 11:42Speaker 02

  And-

• 11:42Speaker 01

  Why would you be in it? If I'm her, I'd be like, "Yo, yeah, nah, I went through a thing, and it was kinda crazy, a weird thing that I did." I'm gonna choose to bow out of the documentary. How did they get her to do it?

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Because the woman is clearly severely mentally ill, and she thought she could go there and like, explain it away, where people are just like, "You know what? Yeah." Like, first of all, the scene when they like, confront her about it-

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Was fucking heart wrenching. Because like, yo, her fucking daughter is there and she's like trying to hold and you, you see this girl, her daughter's eyes. Like she just disassociates.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, what the fuck do you think? Like, as a child, you're, you realize in that moment like, oh, my mom. This, by the way, this was going on for 18 months. 18 months of her getting text messages from her mom being like, yo, you're, kill yourself. No one wants your flat ass.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  And they said like-

• 12:41Speaker 01

  She's a child!

• 12:42Speaker 02

  When they like, so eventually the local police department had to hand it over to the FBI and they were like, we have 1400 pages. Or however many pages of text messages. Do you know how many text messages you need to have to fit them on one page?

• 12:56Speaker 01

  They, what, at one point, they said there was, there was a, a time where there was like 50 text messages a day.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Dude-

• 13:05Speaker 01

  What is wrong with you?

• 13:07Speaker 02

  I know, I'm sorry, I know you haven't seen it, but like, we're, we're completely spoiling it for you at this point. It's just like, the level of, bro, I wouldn't, I would never do this for a plethora of reasons. But just the work and effort that it went into doing that, dude.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  Well, then she also like lied to her husband about she was like, let go from a job, but she actually quit the jo- oh no, she said that she-

• 13:32Speaker 02

  No, she got fired. She said she quit.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  She got fired from another job and the guy thought that she was going to work, but she wasn't. She was just at home, cyberbullying their own daughter.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  And like, he had found out that like, they previously got evicted from a place. And then like, he like, in hindsight, looked back on it and he was just like, oh shit, like-

• 13:50Speaker 01

  That's why.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  That's why we got evicted.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  You weren't paying the bills.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  And just the level of like, absolute, like, there's no other way to describe it outside of just like severely mentally ill.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  I mean, bro, like, I'm so confused, obviously by the action, but why are you in the documentary being like? Yeah, and she also didn't really give an explanation. She also claims to, that when the text message started, she's like, "Oh, that wasn't me. Then, then I decided to pick it up."

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Which is an obvious lie.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a lie. Like, like, that's gonna soften the blow at any point, but like, what are you, what are you saying?

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Her kid was like, having breakdowns, didn't wanna go to school, like, was like, in the documentary openly speaking about like, "Then I was having body image issues because she was fat shaming her daughter."

• 14:44Speaker 01

  I think it was like a Munchausen's thing, which they had said.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  They said it in there, yeah.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  "I'm gonna bully my daughter so that she needs me, and I can like, help her, and I'm trying to, I'm talking to the police, I'm trying to like, because she was very active in trying to find out who it was. I'll send her the fucking text messages, like, "Your flat ass and your fucking fifteen year old boyfriend loves me," or whatever the fuck, like.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  I just can't, like, yes, I know they, they chalked it up to Munchausen's, which.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Makes sense.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  Makes sense. But like, the idea of like,

• 15:14Speaker 02

  causing your child pain, to think that you're gonna come in and like, make them feel better, like, it doesn't, it just doesn't compute, and maybe it's because I'm not a psychopath like this woman.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  You don't have Munchausen's.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  I don't have Munchausen's, but like, and to be fair.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  I love that name, by the way.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  It's a great sounding name, sounds delicious.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  God, I love the Munchausen's.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  God, it sounds really good.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  I think that we talked about it before, Munchausen's, great name for like, a German bar.

• 15:39Speaker 02

  Oh my god, are you kidding me? I mean, if you're gonna ask me my favorite non-existing sandwich?

• 15:44Speaker 01

  Oh my, it's a Munchausen's.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  It's a Munchausen's.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Or it's kind of like an appetizer, you know what I mean? It's like, "Oh, we'll get all of the Munchausen's."

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Or like, no, yes, yeah, like how you go to Italian restaurants and they're not called appetizers, they're called ente pasta.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  We're each gonna do an entree, and then we're gonna do all of the Munchausen's.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Just like, whatever's on the Munchausen list, just give us one of each.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  How many Munchausen's do you suggest for a group of five?

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Or, it would be like, the name of like, a, a Dutch brothel. Like, "Come on in, you can come and see all the vimmin that we have here to Munchausen."

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  You know? It's the Hausens of munching.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's unfortunate that it's, you know, it's named after something that's, that's very, uh, disturbing.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Good sounding word. It's a bad. Bad thing. It's a bad disease in practice. It's a bad. But it's a good word. It's a bad disease. It's a great word. I, I cannot.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  You know what's weird too, sorry, Asperger's also sounds like a good place.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Like, like a, a good name for a restaurant.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, like a, like a burger joint.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Come on down, the Asperger's.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Like if it was just like the opposite of Hooters, like you know how Hooters was like for tits? If it was like a burger joint, but.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  For ass?

• 16:53Speaker 02

  For asses, it'd be like.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Well, that would just be ass burgers.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, but they can, so they don't put the word ass on a restaurant, they can just do the one S.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  You're right, yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  Isn't there a P in there?

• 17:05Speaker 02

  There is, asp.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  Esp.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  So what would like medium rare be?

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Oh, you wanna get.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  I don't even know what question you're asking.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  You've already moved on to like the menu breakdown, my friend. You wanna know the temperature of the meat? What do you mean by what would it be?

• 17:18Speaker 03

  Are we talking about a burger place or an ass place?

• 17:20Speaker 02

  It's both.

• 17:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, so what would medium rare be on the ass side?

• 17:25Speaker 02

  I don't even understand what you're asking.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  I almost understand this woman texting her daughter more than I understand what you're trying to say.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're speaking a completely different language right now.

• 17:37Speaker 02

  That doesn't make any sense.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  What would medium rare be? I, I, medium rare?

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  I think that's what we've, we've.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  He wants it to be called like big and jiggly butt or something like that, like he'd be like, let me get the, let me get the, the, uh, Asperger, uh, j- extra jiggly, please?

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  Alright, my bad.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Um.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  I, what are we doing?

• 18:01Speaker 02

  I don't know anymore. What are we doing?

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Anyway, there was a.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Just be clear, we don't like

• 18:08Speaker 02

  the, like, fact that this woman had like severe Munchausen's. But the word.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Who is saying that?

• 18:14Speaker 02

  I just wanna make sure, because sometimes you need to get clicked at a.

• 18:17Speaker 01

  There is nothing I love more than Munchausen's, dude. I love when people have.

• 18:22Speaker 02

  I mean, you know, people clip these things out of context, let's make sure we put that there. No, it, it was, it was wild to watch.

• 18:32Speaker 01

  God, I love a good Monchhausen's case.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  It was just wild to watch, like, it unfold. And then like the scene, basically, because then the dad gets home. And like this young girl is sitting there watching her parents, just like in real time divorce.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Honestly, the dad did, like, probably the best thing you could. He was like very obviously taken aback and was just like, "You need to leave." He's like, "Call your parents, they're gonna come pick you up, like, just get away." And like, you know, whatever. And he kinda confronted her. Confronted? He, uh, confronted her and was just saying all this shit. And I, I mean, I just felt bad for her, their daughter, because she's just sitting there like, "What is going on?" Didn't say a word, was just kinda sitting there, kind of a G about it, honestly, just sitting there like, "This is so confusing," like, didn't cry, didn't really ask any questions.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  Because she is literally-

• 19:22Speaker 01

  In shock!

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Not, yeah, she, her brain is trying to compute. The protect, her protector, the person that brought her into this world, being the person that has dragged her through hell for the last eighteen months.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Bro, if that's me, and I'm finding that out, I'm fucking picking my mom up and giving her a tombstone.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Boom! Right on your head, Biz!

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Remember, remember when, remember when Shrek spins the guy?

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  You know, like the, the guy in the knights thing? That's what I'm doing to my fucking, either one of my parents.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  What do you do in that situation?

• 19:58Speaker 02

  I don't, I honestly think that both, the, the father and the daughter's reaction was like, it should be the template for if something like this were to happen, because like,

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  Both of them kept it calm, cool, they didn't blow up. Bro, if I'm the-

• 20:12Speaker 01

  There's a lot of cops there, to be fair.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  Fair!

• 20:16Speaker 02

  Fair!

• 20:18Speaker 01

  I would've thrown a chair.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  I'm letting you know, if I'm that, if, if I were to find out that my partner did this to one of my children.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  I am putting on a, a show of, of, of verbal, like, you know-

• 20:34Speaker 01

  A verbal show.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Like, have you ever seen Brooklyn Nine-Nine?

• 20:36Speaker 01

  No.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  Have you seen Brooklyn Nine-Nine?

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Remember the scene where, where Rosa tells Captain Holt he, him and his husband need a bone?

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  He's like- Like he's just screaming for like, basically like in a cutaway gag for like three minutes. I would fucking lose my mind.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  It would be a show.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  That would be, yeah, that would be a toughie. Honestly, I don't know why you need text messages. Like, all you can, if you wanna do that to your child, do it normally and be a dad and do it into your kid's face.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Be a man.

• 21:07Speaker 01

  It's mu- don't have munchausens, just be not good.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  Face housens. You know, like, don't, don't go behind their ma-

• 21:16Speaker 01

  Right in your face housens.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Like, you know, be, be, be what a real parent did. You know, munchhaus- this didn't exist in the si- in the 50s because they were doing it to their face. You know? Also, I'm letting you know right now. God bless the daughter in that situation because the, like, aftermath of it. She's just like, you know, "I'm not allowed to see my mom, but I wanna keep a relationship with her."

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Yo, I am becoming the meanest little bitch to my parent if I found out that was them. They'd be like, "Honey, I'm in prison, I miss you." I'd write back like, "Fucking... Fuck you, dirty whore." You know what I mean? Like, I am going full... There is, I think, a level of, like, criminality, like, with this situation that, like, you're allowed to be a little petty back.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  I feel like, uh, you know, 'cause I was thinking about that too, where she was saying that she wants to see her parent and, you know, whatever. I think that

• 22:15Speaker 01

  she probably understands that this is like an illness. Like, this woman is sick with a thing.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  But at 16, to have that-

• 22:25Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  To have that forward-

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Emotional maturity to ha- to say that, yeah. And maybe it's not as purposeful as that, and it's just like, "That's my mom, and I feel like I'm missing a parent," which isn't great, but-

• 22:37Speaker 02

  Here's my mentality as a 33-year-old man.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Definitely not in any way mentally, physically, emotionally a 16-year-old girl.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Thanks for clearing that up.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  What the fuck is that? What the fuck was that?

• 22:53Speaker 03

  Sometimes, maybe, yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  I don't know, like, in my mind, at that moment, that person is no longer my mom, and has not been my mom for 18 months. I'm ser- like, a- and tha- tha- that's me being really, really honest, like, I- I'm finding out about myself, I have a, like, a level that, like, or- or- or a barrier, or a line, that once it gets crossed, there's almost, in very few instances, any point of return. If I were to find out that one of my parents, the people that, like, are supposed to be my protectors, my comforters, like, they're supposed to be, the my- they guide me through life, and like, teach me right from wrong. If that's what my mom, or my father, is doing to me,

• 23:41Speaker 02

  they're no longer my parent. I'm like, oh, I'm in- I'm basically an orphan at this point in time. Because they have done something that has just completely broken, and yes, I understand there's a level of, you know, like, they are in- in ways, she is in ways of victim of her mental health, and to be fair, she talked about some trauma that she's had to relive. I just think that, as a person, I don't know how I could ever heal from that, if that were one of my parents.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess it just, it depends, on like, you know. I thi- I think it also, kind of, not softens the blow, but, when it's coming from one number, I feel like it's easy to brush off, like, the parents talking about it too, it's like, oh, this is just some crazy person. But when it's like, some people get into things with their whole school is now, like, insulting them, and that's when it gets a little scary, in terms of, like, the repercussions of that.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Well, bro, she was like, threatening physical harm against her at one point. She was like, "I'm going to find you, and we're going to kill you," like.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  I do agree, though, tha- that would probably feel worse, because you could chalk to- cause I think that, I mean, I'm also fucking old, but like, if I was getting text messages like that, from a number, that was clearly one person, I'd be like, "This person's nuts, she's trying to get a rise out of me."

• 24:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  And I would just continue to block the numbers. She kept making new numbers, though.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, okay.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Like, that's- that's the part of it-

• 24:58Speaker 01

  But if it was thirty people, that would feel more like, "Everyone's against me, there's no way out," type of thing.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  That's when the bad things happen.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, the bad things happen.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  W- on way less than that, but-

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  I feel like, as even the parents, because she knows when it's happening, I also didn't see it, but it's easier to mentally, like- Give advice to brush off one person than like you something went wrong in your whole school that we've seen happen at some points.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  It's just tough to be a young person and realize. Like you you get to the point where you're like you find out that oh my mom is the one that's been harassing me for the last eighteen months.

• 25:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:34Speaker 01

  And there's a lot there that she probably doesn't understand about like why that.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Like ob- obviously she knows why it's wrong and it's like confusing like why would my mom be the one doing this to me and if she's like emotionally aware and mature enough at fucking sixteen or whatever fuck o- old she is to realize that like. The end goal like her her mom is just like insanely flawed like. At the end of the day, her mom just wanted her daughter to want her.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  And was willing to do what like insanely selfish to be like I'm gonna bully this girl.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  So that she desperately wants me.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  I just think like. At every point in every person's life to some degree some is. Like this situation significantly worse like. Each child has like a bit of an awakening where they learn more about their parents and like oh these are s- these are human beings that are flawed. You know, because you grow up and it's just like your mom or your dad are these like untouchable like heroes in your life. And then eventually at certain points in time, you have to grapple with the fact like, oh, these are just normal. People it's it's just a different like there's a shift in a mentality. She had to do that in the most extreme circumstance and like. How honestly like.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  I could see it being like. Yo, you're still a person you helped raise me but like you're like you're over there now and I'm over here and we will never have a relationship again.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I don't think that you can go back to.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  And I'm not even talking about because of like the legal like she's not legally allowed to see her daughter but like.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Nah, there's there's there's walls that are kind of put up like if you're gonna kick down the wall and not be like. A mother in the way that you're supposed to be a mother than like you can't go back to being that like there's no way that someone could let you. Like you could still be in somebody's life if you've wronged them before, but you can't go back to what you were, what you were supposed to be. So, yeah, that's, that I can, I imagine is never gonna happen.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, she gave that up eighteen months ago.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, bro, once you started, once you started talking about crime.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  Jail, my guy.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's so many, like.

• 27:42Speaker 03

  Broken hands.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  There are so many, like, layers to this.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  What happened to that? What happened to that?

• 27:48Speaker 02

  What?

• 27:49Speaker 01

  We can't, like, you know what I mean? Like, if you're sending text messages to your daughter and, like, you're fucking bullying her and telling her she could, she could kill herself. I get it, you gotta go to jail, but we can't break your hand.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Let's just, let's take a meat cleaver to your hand. Not a cleaver. Like a, like a tenderizer. You know what I mean?

• 28:05Speaker 02

  Uh, uh, I mean, there's sick, there's, there's a dozen reasons.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Hammurabi's code.

• 28:11Speaker 02

  Eye for an eye, yes, that is what our criminal justice system is built off of.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  You're sending text messages with your right hand, we smash you with a tenderizer.

• 28:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, but.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Sometimes, sometimes if the, the crime does not fit the punishment, the punishment will fit the, well, if the punishment does not fit the crime, the crime will fit the punishment. So like, what is going to stop, because these people are obviously not thinking logically. So what is going to stop someone from saying like, yo, I'm gonna get a severe punishment, I might as well just make it as bad as it could possibly be?

• 28:38Speaker 03

  Oh, well, no, we're saying after the fact, I think.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Also, guess what happens? Guess what happens when you break my hand? If I'm that sick, I'll just fucking let my hand heal and do it again.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Then it gets cut off.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, if you do it again.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Okay, watch this.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  Cleaver.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  Watch this.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Okay, we're watching.

• 28:55Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Hey Siri.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, you wanna play that game?

• 28:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Tongos now.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  Yep, yep.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Good luck talking now. Maybe I take your lips. You walk around like this.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  Oh, she was, anyway. Did you see her?

• 29:07Speaker 01

  Ay.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  Anyway, that's our whole bit on Munchausen's. Thanks for, have a good night, everyone.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Have a good night, everyone! Thank you, you've been a great crowd!

• 29:18Speaker 01

  All right, maybe we should get to the sponsors for today.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Munch on some sponsors.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, the bun, dun, dun. But we have Happy Thursday, folks, okay? Happy Thursday. This is a spiked refresher. It is bubble free, so it's non-carbonated, goes down smooth. You're looking at it right here, okay? So you need to be 21-plus to drink it. But like I said, it's bubble free. It is 4.4% alcohol. I'm a big fan of the bubble free because it goes down nice and smooth, doesn't make you super bloated or anything like that. This one is pineapple starfruit. It is delicious. They have a couple of other flavors that are delicious as well. But they're spiked refreshers, okay? So it's nice and refreshing, especially, especially, what am I saying? Especially when you get it nice and cold? Oh, my God.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  So they have strawberry, this one pineapple starfruit, mango passion fruit, and raspberry dragon fruit, okay? But these are delicious, so, you know, kick off your game day with Happy Thursday spiked refresher, okay? Drinkhappythursday.com/basement. You know, go to this website to find out more, where you can find some Happy Thursdays near you. But yeah, so drinkhappythursday.com/basement, okay? Celebrate responsibly, non-carbonated, natural flavored, with other natural flavors. 21-plus, contains alcohol. Go get yourself some Happy Thursday and enjoy, okay, folks? We also have FitBod. FitBod is a, you know, they create personalized workout routines for you based on your goals,

• 30:47Speaker 01

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• 31:28Speaker 01

  It's a very helpful way to get in shape, and it's also not as expensive as personal trainers are. So level up your workouts, folks. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at fitbod.me/basement. That's F-I-T-B-O-D.me/basement. So enjoy that, folks. And lastly here, we do have prize picks, okay?

• 31:53Speaker 01

  Football season starts today, technically. It's a Thursday, pulling back the curtain. What's that called?

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Show them your curtain.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Not gonna do that at all.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Prize picks, it's simple to play. You just pick more or less. So you go on and you say, okay, Travis Kelsey, is he gonna have more or less than four and a half catches? Something like that. Or, you know, Patrick Mahomes, is he gonna throw for more or less than 205 yards? You know, I'm taking more for both of those. That's just me. But yeah, so you can do this. It's available in more than 40 states, including California, Texas, and Georgia. But yeah, you just put a lineup like that together and you could win a good amount of money here, folks. But yeah, so download the app today and use the code basement to get $50 $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup, okay?

• 32:48Speaker 01

  So that is code basement. You will get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup, folks, alright? So that is prize picks. Enjoy. It's beautiful. Listen, whatever journey you might be on, whether it's... Why are you whispering? Physically. I'm not whispering. I'm talking low. Like, like, see? You messed it up. I was working on my narrator voice, but now I'm gonna have to do this voice here. Frank from the Basement Yard here to tell you about a couple of things that I love to tell you about. First one, Patreon, baby. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. You go to that website, you're gonna find something. What are you gonna find? Oh yeah, you're gonna find more of us. What does that mean? I'll let you figure it out. It might not be the more you're looking for, but it definitely is an enjoyable more.

• 33:31Speaker 01

  You'll get exclusive episodes every single Friday if you sign up for that second tier and then that first tier Patreon. You get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. You guys have been so kind, so supportive, so incredibly giving and generous that we want to just keep giving you guys what you like and apparently...

• 33:48Speaker 02

  That's us. So, thank you. Go check it out. And if you want to save yourself some money while signing up for the Patreon, you can go to the web browser version of it. So, open whatever web browser you may have, whether it be on your phone, on your desktop, on your laptop, whatever. And you go to patreon.com/thebasementyard. If you use a smart app, whether it be on Android, or the Google Play Store, or the Apple Store, whatever, it's going to charge you a couple of extra bucks because they got to go about paying people and stuff like that. So, avoid all that. Save yourself some money. Use the desktop version, patreon.com/thebasementyard. We're in the middle of our tour, actually. I think we're done with like 60% of it or something. We got some shows coming up, and there's still some tickets available. So, if you want to see any of us live,

• 34:31Speaker 02

  that's the place to do it. Go to thebasementyard.com. Take a look at our upcoming shows. If there are tickets still available, we'd love to see you there. These shows have been so incredibly fun, engaging, and everything that has just made them all so memorable. So, go check out if there are any tickets available for any upcoming shows. I know that Hollywood, Florida, has some left. I know that maybe some in Pennsylvania and Ohio. But go check it out, okay? At thebasementyard.com. Now, if you are coming to any of those shows, there is a portion of the show that we like to talk to you, with you, about you. Greg has taken my job by posting TikToks about this, but I'm telling you about it right now again. Go to thebasementyard.com/submit. If you're coming to any of those shows, you go to that website.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  You let us know what show you're coming to, and then you submit responses to questions that we have there. They can be funny, interesting, crazy. Listen, a lot of them are really out of left field and insane. So, there is a portion of our show where we read the cards, and we talk to and about or with these people sometimes. So, if you want to possibly be in on that conversation at any of these shows, go check it out at thebasementyard.com/submit. Last, pero no least, okay? I don't know if you saw... Basement Yard Boys are joining you on every single United flight. United Airlines welcomes the Basement Yard. We're so excited that there are some episodes on United Airlines. So if you're on a United Airlines flight and you want to catch up,

• 35:59Speaker 02

  or you want to re-watch an old episode, or you want to show the person sitting next to you that's peacefully sleeping, you want to wake them up and be like, "I'm going to show you something and you're going to laugh." You go and you can do it on United Airlines. So, thank you to United Airlines for the partnership. We're incredibly excited and, um, yeah. If you fly United, or you will be flying United, go check it out.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I saw some people posting that.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  It was on my flight. I was on my, that was the, the day it had happened, was the day I was coming back, we were coming back from Vegas.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  Threw it on and I, I did, I did the thing where I, like, I, I, I wanted to see if they would let me do an announcement, but it was 7 a.m. and they didn't let me do an announcement.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  What? You were going to go to the front of the plane and be like, "Hey, I'm on your back of your..."

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  Oof.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  But they didn't, they didn't.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Would you actually do that or are you joking?

• 36:44Speaker 02

  No, I would, yeah.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  That doesn't like, make you feel weird?

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Oh, it does. That's why I didn't do it.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  You just said they didn't let you.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  They wouldn't have let me and I wouldn't have done it.

• 36:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  So, it was also like, if it, honestly, I would have been more inclined if it was like a 4 p.m. flight.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  "Hey, everyone, my name's Frank Alvarez from the Basement Yard and it is now available on the back of United fucking TV screens."

• 37:11Speaker 02

  I thought, but no, I, I, I chickened out, you know?

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Shut up!

• 37:15Speaker 02

  I chickened out, but also like, they don't let people just like, make announcements on planes. It's a very controlled area.

• 37:22Speaker 01

  Dude, they should, oh my god, our flight, that woman, I was like, "Bro."

• 37:28Speaker 02

  Yo.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  She talked, I'm not, yo, I'm not exaggerating at all, 20 minutes straight.

• 37:33Speaker 02

  Yo.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  20 minutes.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  And like-

• 37:35Speaker 01

  20 minutes, 20 minutes.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  It was-

• 37:37Speaker 01

  2-0.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  Yes. Good job.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  She just went off about like a credit card. It was on a Frontier flight. "Bro, go in off." I was like, "Someone throw a tomato."

• 37:46Speaker 02

  Listen, she was kind.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, she was kind for 20 minutes.

• 37:49Speaker 02

  But like, she's like, "All right, we're starting our descent, so..." So if you need to get up and use the bathroom, use it now. But let me talk to you for 20 minutes. You know how long it was taking for us to get to land? 20 minutes.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Like there was no-

• 38:05Speaker 01

  It was the whole time.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  So I, I, I was waiting for her to stop to then go to the bathroom. I just got up. I, I couldn't, I couldn't deal with it.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  I've never heard something like that before, ever. It was about a credit card that they have and like all this stuff. And it wasn't like, like she was definitely extending the thing. Like she was going off about it. And I was like, I can't believe she's still going here.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  Like she was doing the thing where she was like working it into the conversation. She was just like, do you know? That like-

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, and yep.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  And I was just- And like, was like really like hamming it up.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  She's auditioned for stuff.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  She must have known. That Joe Santagato was on the plane. She must have known.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  Oh, you know what? She probably knew that you were on the plane. Cause you probably got on that one. You're like, hey, what's up? I'm Frank.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  No, I was there. You were sitting next to me.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Were available on the back of the screens.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  I chickened out, Joey. I wasn't gonna do it because. I don't, I like my anonymity.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Anonymity.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  I sit there with my hat, hello, and I watch myself.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  Wow, so famous. Gotta hide my face.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  No.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Nobody talks to me. It's too early. Pull the strings.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  What was that? That wasn't pulling strings, brother. That wasn't pulling strings, my brother. I got away, I found a way out of it. I made it look like you were pantomiming, having a dick in your face.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Appreciate you doing that.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, uh, no. So that woman was, it was crazy how much she talked.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  It was, it was, it was a lot.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  And you know what?

• 39:30Speaker 01

  God bless her.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  Good for her. It's a skill to talk for 20 minutes.

• 39:35Speaker 03

  Well, uh, speaking of travel, I have a question.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  Oh, boy.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  You guys want?

• 39:39Speaker 02

  Here comes Aunt Question.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  Aunt Question.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  Aunt Question of the Day!

• 39:45Speaker 02

  What the hell was that? Was that a car and a plane at the same time?

• 39:50Speaker 01

  And I shot guns? What am I doing?

• 39:52Speaker 02

  We, we should have like a, like a Aunt Question, Aunt Question. He's got some questions and they are from him.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  What do you got?

• 40:01Speaker 03

  Um, it's more of a scenario. So you get $5 million, but you must randomly generate a US state and you have to walk there.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I'm doing that easy.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  Would you, you would do that?

• 40:15Speaker 02

  Well, do I get?

• 40:16Speaker 01

  If it's in New York, I'd just get it.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  You'd just get it?

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'll do that. But also, can I, do I get the money after the completion of the walk? Or like?

• 40:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Can I get it to like, help me with like lodging?

• 40:27Speaker 03

  No, no, after the completion of the walk.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Lodging?

• 40:30Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I'm gonna need to stop.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, what, you have zero dollars?

• 40:34Speaker 02

  No, but I imagine that a walk, potentially 3,000 miles, is gonna cost a couple dollars, dude.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Put it on a credit card, dude. You're getting 5 mil at the end of this thing.

• 40:43Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Well, you're gonna need new shoes, you're gonna need food, you're gonna need...

• 40:46Speaker 01

  New shoes?

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, you think your, your shoes will, you'll be able to wear the same shoes the whole time? No, they'll wear out and break.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  Maybe one other pair of shoes.

• 40:55Speaker 03

  So, we're all saying, yeah?

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  So, I have a state generator, so you wanna see how far you have to walk?

• 41:00Speaker 02

  You know what's gonna happen. You know what's gonna happen, right? He's gonna get fucking New York, you're gonna get New Jersey, and I'm gonna get fucking Hawaii.

• 41:07Speaker 03

  If you get Hawaii, I don't think you can do it.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, Hawaii, you just have to...

• 41:11Speaker 02

  I would not. Yeah, I mean, I would just die. I'd take the money.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  You, you would still have to walk the...

• 41:14Speaker 02

  Can you just take Hawaii out?

• 41:16Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Or how about this? If you, if you do Hawaii, then you have to get to California, and then you have to do whatever the distance is in miles from California to Hawaii, back the other way.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  So, so you just need to walk the distance?

• 41:31Speaker 01

  It's also a no, though. Like, I'm not doing that.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Well, no, that I would do. As long as I'm not over the open ocean, I'm fine.

• 41:36Speaker 03

  I feel like if you get Hawaii, you have to walk as close as you can get to it, but then you just lose.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  No.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  But then you just lose.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  I was worried you were gonna say like, you walk as close as you can get, and then you have to take like, a kayak or a rowboat the rest of the way.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Chill.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Dude, yeah, I don't think you'd be able to do that.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  I know, physically. I will take my chances with Hawaii.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  So, who wants to go first?

• 41:56Speaker 02

  Well, let, let's let Joey go first, cuz we know he's gonna get a great one. Oh, this is a cool one!

• 42:01Speaker 03

  Alright, so, so it's, I got a wheel here. Wheel of states?

• 42:04Speaker 02

  Yes, we see that. Wheel of states.

• 42:06Speaker 03

  So, Joe's going first. And then we can do Google Maps, see how far it takes, how long?

• 42:09Speaker 01

  I'll, I'll pull up the Google Maps.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Alright, you got the Google Maps? Okay.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Okay, go.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  Ready? Here we go.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  Wait, hold on, hold on.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  I just have to get into the state. I don't have to go to like, the center.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  We should probably do center, right?

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  No, you said walk to the state.

• 42:21Speaker 03

  Okay, to the border of the state.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Fine.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  Alright. Ready? This is for Joe.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  Fuck! Oh, no.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  Joey's gonna get a good one. I'm telling you, I know it.

• 42:34Speaker 02

  Oh!

• 42:35Speaker 03

  Wisconsin.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  That's so bad.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  That's pretty far!

• 42:38Speaker 01

  It was about to be West Virginia, which isn't bad.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  That's pretty far, honestly, because you gotta go through Pennsylvania, which, nothing, brother. That's all nothing. And then you gotta go Ohio, and then you gotta cut through Illinois, and then up into Wisconsin.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Wisconsin.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  Wisconsin? First of all, there's no walking. There's no walking!

• 42:56Speaker 02

  I mean, there is walking.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, you should...

• 42:58Speaker 02

  You can just walk along the highway.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Holy shit, dude. The drive is a thousand miles. Like 998.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  So, let's see, if you walk at an average of 3 miles per hour, that's going to take 333 hours if you stop, if you did it non-stop.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Wait, what?

• 43:15Speaker 02

  Three, if you walk at an average pace of 3 miles per hour.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  I, I have it. I have how long it would take to walk it. So, Joe, to get your 5 million, it would take 319 hours to walk it.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Oh, I wasn't that far off. I said 333. But that's if you did non-stop.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's non-stop.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, that ain't happening.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  Which, so like, if you walk for an average of 12 hours, miles a day, 12 hours a day, you know, what's that? 300, 312 divided by 12?

• 43:43Speaker 01

  What?

• 43:43Speaker 02

  This isn't good for us, dude. This is not!

• 43:46Speaker 03

  319 divided by 12.

• 43:47Speaker 02

  319 divided by 12, which is...

• 43:48Speaker 03

  26 and a half days. So, it would take me like a month?

• 43:52Speaker 01

  A month?

• 43:52Speaker 02

  A month and a half. Yo, hear me out! I'm out. That would be fun, too. That's not that bad, dude! That's not a bad walk either. That's a beautiful walk, probably. Also, sketchy walk, probably.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Um, it's not that sketchy. It's mostly Pennsylvania. You get to Ohio, like...

• 44:10Speaker 00

  At Edward Jones, we believe rich is more than caring about the latest and greatest. It's also taking care of what gives your life meaning. That's why your dedicated financial advisor meets you where you are with personalized financial strategies that help protect what matters, so you can preserve your progress while creating a path forward. The key to being rich is knowing what counts. Let's find your rich, together. Edward Jones. Member SIPC.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Right near Cleveland. Damn, it didn't seem as far as it did. You have to go through- You do walk through South Chicago, which is not great.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that would be a problem. Or, I guess-

• 44:49Speaker 03

  My- this path here has you walking through Canada. Through Canada?

• 44:52Speaker 02

  Up and around?

• 44:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, you go up and around. Oh, like up to-

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then you gotta walk through the bumblefuck of New York, which-

• 45:00Speaker 03

  You do, yes.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  It's not nice either. There's also-

• 45:03Speaker 03

  I'm not going up and around. Okay, so that would take you about, if you walk 12 hours a day, about a month. It would take you about a month. That's not bad.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  That's not too bad, dude. And like-

• 45:10Speaker 03

  Five mil in a month, bro? Sign me up.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  That's also if you walked every day. There was nothing in here about the fact, like, you could take a day off.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Which I would.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. You know, you could take-

• 45:18Speaker 03

  I would also pay people to come with me, so I'm not like-

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, what more do you need?

• 45:27Speaker 02

  I feel like Ant should go next.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  I go next?

• 45:29Speaker 02

  That's the respectful thing.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  Okay, so, I'm taking it, obviously.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, we know, we didn't, we knew that.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  We know you would swim to Hawaii.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Yes, I would. Okay.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  It would, it would, you'd do it for nothing.

• 45:38Speaker 03

  I'm looking for a New York.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  We know you're looking for a New York.

• 45:41Speaker 03

  We're all looking for a New York. Or like a Connecticut. Connecticut would take an afternoon. Why am I nervous?

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Connecticut would take a full day.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  Ohhh, not good. No, no, no.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Nebraska?

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Nevada, bro.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  Brother?

• 45:55Speaker 03

  You're the desert!

• 45:56Speaker 02

  You're going through the desi.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  You know what that five mil at the end of it? Right to Vegas.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, and just put it on black, right?

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, right to Vegas.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Well, then you'd have to walk into, from Nevada, like, the border of Nevada into fucking Vegas. Dude, that's a bad one.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's a horrific one.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  That's what, 2,000 miles?

• 46:12Speaker 03

  It's, so this, this walk is gonna take 938 hours.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  That's triple the time that it took, literally, triple the time it took, you said, take you three months.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  Take me three months? This is 2,800 miles, it says. Like, by car.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  That, I got, I don't think I, we could get worse than that.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  I gotta be honest, though.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  That's bad.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  That's, yes, it's tough.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Three months? It's three months of content, I guess, now.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you'd be set for a whole year with content, really. You'd film the whole thing. Or IRL stream it, you'll make double that on fucking whatever you're doing.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  On Kick. Nah, I can't IRL stream it, 'cause then people will try to find me, like, probably halfway through. Not great. Yeah.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Well, what's gonna happen? You don't have the money yet. You're poor. He will, though.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  He will have the money. Alright, it's my time.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  I was really hoping Frankie would get a Nevada.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Oh, no, it's alright. I'm gonna get a Washington. Here's what I think I'm gonna get.

• 47:02Speaker 03

  Alaska?

• 47:03Speaker 02

  I think he's gonna get a good one. I hope I get a good one. I'm gonna guess that you get like, something in the northeast. I'm gonna say, I think my honest guess is I think I'm gonna get Iowa. Which it wouldn't be bad.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  Okay, I mean, ready?

• 47:18Speaker 02

  It's not close. Here we go, what's Frank got?

• 47:20Speaker 03

  This is the state you're walking to.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  This is the state I'm walking to, let's see.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Uh, I'm not even looking at the name. Bama! Oh, I might not, I might not. Alabama! Guys, there's some things- That's not bad. There's some things about me, I might not make it there. Alabama? That's probably closer than mine. I mean, it's, no, cuz it's down south. It's south and west.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  It's about the same.

• 47:46Speaker 02

  It's about the same, like, a little over a thousand.

• 47:48Speaker 03

  388 hours, so about a month as well.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  My guys, I might not make it.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  They might see me and be like, "Who's this Spanish bow? I walkin' down here, roll tide."

• 47:59Speaker 02

  "Who the hell is this?"

• 48:00Speaker 03

  Did you see how close you were to Alaska?

• 48:02Speaker 02

  No, was I, was I really close? Was it the next one?

• 48:04Speaker 03

  It was the one right before it. Like, you just clipped it.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  Alaska, I mean, honestly, that would be beautiful, but I would die by bear. There's fucking, in the Yukon, there's a ton of bear. Let's do one more. Let's do one more!

• 48:17Speaker 03

  For who, for who?

• 48:18Speaker 02

  For all of us. Really quick, Joey, go!

• 48:22Speaker 02

  Do we get a choice of these two?

• 48:24Speaker 03

  No.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 48:26Speaker 03

  I thought the stupid like-

• 48:27Speaker 02

  If you walk from that one to this one, you get another five mil. Done.

• 48:31Speaker 03

  No.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  I got Hawaii! You said done, you said done. That's Hawaii's state flag. Yeah, well, this is news to me. Then why is that their state flag? That can't be right. It's literally double British.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  Um, there is no route found to Hawaii.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, we know that.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  Just letting you know.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  So what would you do? Would you walk the, have to, like, do the distance back, or would you? I wouldn't do it.

• 48:56Speaker 03

  I don't even know how far it is.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  Do we just lose the five mil? Yep. I think if I had Nevada, I probably wouldn't do that.

• 49:02Speaker 03

  Really?

• 49:02Speaker 02

  I would do it for five mil.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  I'd do it.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  Think of the endorsements you'd also get. Why do you think you would just get endorsed? I don't know, people like stuff like that. You would get five million, would you walk to Nevada?

• 49:14Speaker 03

  We could do it together?

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, for five mil? Yes.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  You'd walk to Nevada.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  You what, you offering?

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Not five mil, but now I'm thinking like, what can we get him for?

• 49:27Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 49:27Speaker 02

  Oh. Well, now that we know it's five mil, I'm not taking a penny under five mil.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  Alright, I mean, we're just a hypothetical, we're having fun.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  Well, how much you offering?

• 49:36Speaker 01

  You're not going anywhere.

• 49:37Speaker 03

  He wants me here.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  I was.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Oh, he does.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  Me?

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Go.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  Why'd you take Alabama out?

• 49:46Speaker 03

  Uh, everything we've done, it removes.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Uh.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Kentucky, that's an easy one.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  That's not too bad, that's right under Ohio, West Virginia area.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Okay, that's an easy one.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  So I have to, I just essentially have to walk back for.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  Bro, honestly, walking to Kentucky would suck too, and it's like, the easiest one we've gone so far.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  Well, isn't that because it's all hills, like the Appalachian Mountains and stuff like that?

• 50:05Speaker 01

  Fuck the hills, I'm talking about the miles.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, yes, walking to New Jersey would suck, Joey.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  That's what I said, but he said this before.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I mean, for five mil, you'd do that.

• 50:15Speaker 02

  You could, I feel like you could walk to Jersey in under five hours.

• 50:20Speaker 03

  So a mil an hour.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  Kentucky's two hundred seventy hours.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  He's through the tunnel.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Just through the tunnel, yeah.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  And then last one for Frankie?

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  I don't think we could get worse than Hawaii, so.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  I mean, literally, physically, it cannot get worse than that.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  Georgia, Florida.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Fire.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  Florida.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Fire. Oh, that one made a noise.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  That one, you could just take I-95, you take it all the way down.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  No, but you gotta walk through some, there's some spots you gotta walk through in there, too.

• 50:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I'm sure there's spots everywhere you gotta walk through.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  I'd be afraid.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Five mil, though, I, I think, once you get past, like, I think that, oh, God, I mean, I would do a month. I could walk for a month and get five million. Three months, I'd be like, bro. Your life for three months is walking.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  The thing about, you need, I would need a motivating factor, so if you were to say like, alright, Becca and the kids.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  Five million dollars.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's the motivating factor.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  That's the motivating.

• 51:14Speaker 02

  No, I would need something more than that, like my family.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  What?

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, if it was just like, you get, you get the money, and your kids are there with Becca, you know what I mean?

• 51:23Speaker 01

  They're gonna make your, you're gonna make.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Because think of what he says in the song, "I would walk five hundred miles, and then I would walk five hundred more."

• 51:31Speaker 01

  Wait, are you saying they need to be at the end?

• 51:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  Okay, but.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  That would motivate me.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  But that's still the time.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  But that, that'd still motivate me more. If it was just the money, I'd be like, alright, it's just the money, and then it's like, the money and.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  You don't have to live there, you can go right back as soon as you, you just fly back.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  I know, but like, I, I don't know.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  You're still the time away. It's still three months.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a lot of time.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  I'm doing it.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Or like, can they follow me? I'll walk, but they could follow me?

• 51:54Speaker 01

  You're gonna make your children follow you?

• 51:56Speaker 02

  Not like walking. I'm saying like, they could be in like, an RV.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  Sure, I guess. No, no, no, no. This is part of why it's hard. Yeah, no, no.

• 52:04Speaker 02

  No, the reason it's hard is because of the distance, not because of the isolation.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  Well, I'm saying like-

• 52:09Speaker 02

  You just said you'd pay for people to come with you.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  I did say that.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  So, fucking, why can't I?

• 52:14Speaker 01

  I'd do it with you. I wouldn't.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  I don't know why I sneezed like that.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Why are you Dracula?

• 52:27Speaker 01

  That one snuck up on me, I'm not gonna lie.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  Oh, alright. Now do it one more time.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  No!

• 52:32Speaker 02

  Whatever the country, the state is, they're trying to kill you.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  What?

• 52:36Speaker 02

  Whatever the state is, they're trying to kill you.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  What does that mean?

• 52:38Speaker 02

  Like, if it's Texas, you're in trouble.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Are you just talking about in general? Nothing to do with what we're talking about?

• 52:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  Don't, don't go down this road.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  What is the scariest state if you had a fistfight? Like, if you saw, you ever see those things where it was just like, you ever see those things where it was just like, we had AI come up with, I didn't do it! We had AI come with a, like, a mascot for each state?

• 53:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  And it's like, a picture of like, what it would look like? You've never seen those?

• 53:08Speaker 01

  I've seen that.

• 53:09Speaker 02

  Some of those are cool looking, and it's just like, what do you think of them would be like, the scariest one to fight? I think it's Texas, because of the guns.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  I imagine Florida too, because they're just on like, bath salts and meth.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  That was a long time ago.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. Bath salts still around?

• 53:26Speaker 01

  I'm sure they are.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  They're still, they're still a pretty niche, cool thing. Not cool, definitely not cool. But like, people are-

• 53:32Speaker 01

  They were pretty cool.

• 53:34Speaker 02

  I'll be honest with you, when I heard, when I heard bath salts, I was in college and I was just like- Like someone like I saw like they had him at like fucking like Home Goods. I was just like, people smoking this shit? It's like fucking like potpourri for your bath?

• 53:48Speaker 01

  Did you give up like Epsom salt? Cause you were like, oh, I wanna get high.

• 53:52Speaker 02

  Give up Epsom salt? Like it was a normal part of my routine?

• 53:55Speaker 01

  It's pretty normal, right? Yeah, in winter. Wait, what? Wait, what are we talking about?

• 54:00Speaker 02

  Epsom salt.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 54:01Speaker 02

  Were you guys using Epsom salt enough that it was a normal part of-

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Wait, you're putting Epsom salt on your driveway?

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Isn't that what you, isn't that what it is?

• 54:06Speaker 02

  No, that's rock salt. Epsom salt is like you like take baths in it and like-

• 54:11Speaker 01

  It's like relaxing. I don't know if it would work. Maybe it would work on snow. I have no idea.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  If I'd just been bathing my driveway?

• 54:17Speaker 02

  I mean, you've been bathing your driveway in rock salt.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, it usually smells like lavender and shit.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  I guarantee it's not Epsom salt.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Epsom salt is like magnesium sulfide or sulfate or something like that. What you're doing is like sodium penis paint or something.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  Right. You're throwing Epsom salt in your driveway. That's so funny.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  If you're throwing Epsom salt, you, I mean, maybe it does work.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  I'm sure it does. I think it's just the salt part that you need, right?

• 54:41Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't know. Could you put table salt on it?

• 54:43Speaker 03

  It works.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  It works?

• 54:44Speaker 03

  It works. I've been doing alright. I've been doing alright. I could take a bath with the extra and-

• 54:47Speaker 02

  I mean, you're also dumb. Like, you're also doing wrong.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  No, yeah, you're, you're, you're kind of a little off there.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  I'm not a big fan of salting driveways and sidewalks.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Oh, I love it.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  I don't like it.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  I love it so much. It's such like a dad thing to do. And then to hear the sound of like the salt crunching under your boot and between the ice or between the snow. Ah, it's so sick.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  I just think it's like whack. I would rather like shovel it.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you also need to salt under the shoveling because then it melts and then freezes over.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  I know. I just don't like the residual like salt.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  I mean, it's bad for pets. Like you need to get pet specific, specific stuff in order to like, so they like are okay.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  It also like everything just like has this like white dusty. I don't like that shit.

• 55:37Speaker 02

  That I do hate. Like when it like a, like an old like beat up car in the winter. It's just like, it looks like it's covered in like dried toothpaste.

• 55:43Speaker 01

  Or like, yeah, or, or like sometimes people have like blue salt on their sidewalk and I'm like, what is that? Bro, you know what I hate? And I don't know why I hate this so much. And I get it. It's like good, but I fucking hate it. When I go to someone's house and I go to their bathroom and their toilet water is fucking like blue. I'm like, come on.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, why do you hate that? They're clean.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  I know, but it's like, what is this?

• 56:06Speaker 02

  They have a clean tablet in their, their tank.

• 56:11Speaker 02

  I'll tell you this, I don't know what I did. I had one of those in my old house. Was gone after like three flushes. I clearly did something wrong.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  I don't like it. I don't like the blue water. I just-

• 56:22Speaker 02

  Why? Cause then you piss and it comes green.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't like that.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  I like that. I like looking out at it. I'm just like, I'm gonna make this all dirty and stinky and green with my piss.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. See? What are we talking about? What are we doing?

• 56:34Speaker 02

  I mean-

• 56:34Speaker 01

  He has something.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  He's got stuff. We all have something!

• 56:37Speaker 01

  That's true. Some more than others.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  Some, as much as others.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  You're gonna tell me you don't like get hype to like play when you pee?

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Go ahead. What the fuck does that mean?

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Like you go and like, it's like you're putting out a fire or something, or like-

• 56:59Speaker 01

  I'll only do that if I start peeing and there's bubbles and I'm like, "Oh, I gotta make all these bubbles touch the whole layer of-"

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Ohhh. Now who's the fucking crazy one that has something?

• 57:10Speaker 01

  What was that?

• 57:11Speaker 02

  I'm fucking reveling in it. I'm excited, you know? "Oh Frank, what? Wha- what Frank?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  What?" Fucking Dracula over here, and you're looking at him dumbfounded like-

• 57:26Speaker 02

  And now, and I, and then you're like, "Yeah, actually you know what? I do like to do that." I make a point, you think I'm stupid, then you agree with it ipso facto, you're stupid.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  You're bigger than ipso facto lately? Also, I can't even say anything without you thinking I'm stupid.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  No, I know you're not stupid. I like to try, no, here's the thing. Joey-

• 57:43Speaker 01

  Oh, here it comes.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  I like to create scenarios.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  I, it's, I like to create scenarios-

• 57:48Speaker 01

  It's actually a nice thing that you're doing.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  No, no, listen-

• 57:49Speaker 01

  What you have is munch house.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  That's exactly what I was getting to-

• 57:51Speaker 01

  He's munching. You're munching on my house.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  I'm housing your munch, babe!

• 57:55Speaker 01

  You're munching my house.

• 57:56Speaker 02

  I'm trying to like, I want you to create scenarios where I call you stupid so then you feel stupid so then I can tell you you're smart and you're like, "Oh my god Frankie, he's-" I get it. Like, he's helping me feel smart now.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  See, he's manipulating the audience. Are you guys paying attention?

• 58:07Speaker 02

  Listen, my house is as munched a little bit.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  Big deal. We had a little bit too much to munch.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  Woo La doesn't love munching some houses, you know?

• 58:16Speaker 01

  Oh, man. I don't like that blue toilet water bullshit, though.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  I'm pumped about blue toilet water.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  There's some stuff about people's bathrooms that I'm just like, I don't.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  What else? What else in bathrooms drives you up a wall? I'll say one, cheap toilet paper.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Cheap toilet paper, bro. What is this? If I pull it and I can see through it, what are we doing here?

• 58:33Speaker 02

  Joey's got here in the studio, the toilet paper that has like, it's like wiggles to like connect each piece. It's not like a normal perforation. It's like, and I was just like, oh, what the hell am I fucking wiping my ass with?

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Artistic?

• 58:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:46Speaker 01

  I don't like cushioned seats.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's very like nineties.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't like that at all.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  Although, hold on. Now I'm thinking about it.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  I feel like I'm taking a shit at it, like on a chair at a picnic or something.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  That doesn't sound miserable, dude.

• 59:03Speaker 01

  Okay. I don't, I don't like the, I don't like that.

• 59:05Speaker 02

  You don't like, you've already said you don't like heated seats.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Also, um, I don't mind them. I just don't like them in other people's houses. I'm okay with them in a hotel. But like in other people's houses and I sit on a heated toilet seat and I'm like, someone just took a dump here. Like, that's what it feels like. You know what I mean? That's why I don't really like enjoy that. Also, it's 2025. We all need to get the toilet seats that you can slam and they don't shut and they go Cause I'm over here taking fucking hinges off my ass.

• 59:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, honestly, I can't tell you how many times I've like slammed a toilet seat and it was like, one of the like part of like the like faux wood ones.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  And that thing basically all but snaps in half.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  Does your toilet seat do have the slow, like you slam it and it goes? Every floor I have a different one. Like in my basement, I have the wood one. It's awful.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  I'll say.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Wooden toilet seats? Poverty.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  Every person watching this is going to their bathrooms and be like, oh, fuck, Joe just called me poor.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  The, the wooden toilet seats is like, obviously this hasn't been changed since 1990. And you're right.

• 1:00:10Speaker 02

  1990.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  You'd be right.

• 1:00:12Speaker 02

  Zero. That's, we haven't reached that year yet, but go ahead.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:17Speaker 03

  Hate those.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  Wait, what are the toilets? How is there four different kinds?

• 1:00:20Speaker 03

  I have a porcelain one that doesn't do the slowdown, a one that does do the slowdown, and then wooden. It goes in that order.

• 1:00:26Speaker 02

  Yo, honestly?

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  I've been watching a lot of Shark Tank. Why have we not reinvented the toilet yet? Like, why are we still using the same archaic technology from fucking? Like, bro, it's a toilet. Get fun and inventive with it, dude.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  What do you want to shit in, like, one of those straws that fucking?

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  No, but like, something that's just a little more ergonomic than sitting down and my fucking knees are at my chest. And I'm like, you know, eighteen inches off the ground, and I'm like, ugh. Like, make it something that's a little more better. I'm not kidding. I would be pumped with a stand-up toilet.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  Hear me out. So you know how, like, urinals come out from the wall a little bit? It's that but a toilet.

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  And like, you can just back your ass up to it. And do your thing. And then get out of there.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  You want to drop your ass on a urinal and fucking?

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  I'm saying lean against it.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  Lean against a urinal and let a shit rip?

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  I'm not saying a urinal. Like, it would be a toilet, but it would be just designed so like, the bowl is like curved. So you can just like lean. I know Americans love leaning all the time.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  But, wh- why? But like, isn't sitting better than standing?

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  Personally, I'd rather lean than have to get down and get up a bunch of times. Also, toilets are not comfortable. I'm saying like, whatever the amount of times you use the bathroom.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  You know, like, I- I'd rather it be like a lean situation. Like, sitting down, standing up. It's not comfortable.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  I don't think it needs to be all that. Sometimes when you walk into like, a nice hotel, we were just in a nice hotel in Toronto, and you walk into the bathroom, and all of a sudden the toilet fucking jumps up and starts talking and opens its mouth, like, hey, come shit in me. I'm like, I'm good on this.

• 1:02:11Speaker 02

  I do like the automatic it opens for me.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  I don't like that.

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  You know my pet peeve, actually, in a hotel bathroom? It's when they orientate the room where the toilet is like, right behind the bed.

• 1:02:23Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? No. Like, so the bed is up against this wall, and then there's the bathroom, and the toilet is on the side of the wall of the bed. Why does that?

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  It shares a wall with the bed.

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  It shares a wall with the bed.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  I-

• 1:02:34Speaker 03

  You hear everything in that bathroom.

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  I can't even recall that having ever happened to me, where that, that would be like a, like a thing.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Just pet peeve of mine. Like, when the, when I, when I walk into a hotel room and the toilet is on the opposite wall of the bed, of the wall sharing the bed, I'm like, this is a good, this is a good hotel room.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  So you like to watch the person come out of the bathroom and just be like, "What did you do in there, you filthy whore?"

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  There's, there's-

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  There's something.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  Inside there.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  There's something, there's something in there.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  There's nothing!

• 1:03:00Speaker 03

  There's something, there's something in there.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  It's the same energy as you wanting to make the water dirty.

• 1:03:06Speaker 02

  My energy, my energy is cool, calm, cool.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  And dirty and filthy.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no filth.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  We do have some, some more sponsors here.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  Clean, calm, cool.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  We don't know about all that. Uh, but we have SeatGeek here. SeatGeek is a ticketing app that, uh, is going to get you tickets to whatever you need. So you're going to, uh, you know, a baseball game, football game, basketball game, concert, whatever it is, basement yard show. Uh, it's all there on SeatGeek. They're number one rated ticketing app in the App Store. Uh, there's over seventy thousand events listed on SeatGeek. Um, and yeah, so there's a lot of people out there doing concerts, or shows, or whatever. I always buy my tickets on SeatGeek. I've been using them for years. Uh, love their platform. They'll let you know when you're paying a good price for a ticket and a bad price for the ticket, because they're color-coded. So it's great. And right now, we can save you some money on your next batch of tickets, okay? Uh, you can use the code basement2025 for ten percent off of your next set of tickets

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  on SeatGeek, okay? That is ten percent off tickets with the promo code basement2025. Uh, make sure you click the link in the description and download the app and have the code automatically added to your account, so you can use it later, okay? So go get that, your tickets, right there with SeatGeek. And lastly, here, we have Squarespace. Uh, Squarespace, they are a, uh, platform that is going to help you build your website, okay? Uh, they, um-

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  You know, they have all of these features that are gonna help you build your website. Your website is important. It's your first impression. If you make content, or you have a small business, or a big business, or whatever the case is, ecommerce store, you are going to need a great looking website. So, if you go to Squarespace, they have a bunch of templates. You click on them, it populates a website for you. You just switch out the pictures and the text. So you can create a nice looking website in a very short amount of time. So, definitely go check out Squarespace. And, yeah, you can get 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain by using the code BASMENT. Okay, so that is Squarespace.com/Basement. And use that code BASMENT, and you will get 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain.

• 1:05:11Speaker 01

  Okay, so that is Squarespace.com/Basement. There you go, folks. All right. Cool.

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  Beautiful. Love that.

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  Sorry, I... You were being a little nasty.

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  Listen, there's nothing there! I've been a nasty boy. I've been, I've been a nasty boy.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 1:05:31Speaker 02

  That's that song on TikTok. You were joking about me being nasty, and I was making a joke about that song. Is this what it's gonna be for the remainder of this episode? You guys just hanging me out to dry? Hanging you out to dry. You guys are just hanging me out to dry. You're just taking me soaking wet, and you're just draining me of all of it.

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  Now you see, again, this is... What is it? You keep doing it. I'm not doing anything! You guys are hanging me out to dry. I'm just here just trying to be fun and have fun. Do the show, The Basement Yard Podcast with Joe and Frank.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Available now on United Flights. Available now, United Airlines flights.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  Have a happy Thursday and think it over.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. At Squarespace.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Right. I also, when you said hanging out to dry, I started thinking about this for some reason.

• 1:06:21Speaker 01

  I don't know if this is weird or not, but I...

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  I'm trying to think of like how it makes me feel, but there's a feeling that I get when I see a clothesline that I just love. Like it makes me feel like at peace to see a clothesline.

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  Okay. Yeah, so fucking yes, but first, uh, I don't know why. I guess it's just my 21st century brain. I thought of a clothesline like fucking Bradshaw, like clothesline from hell.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  Not a, not a WWE Kane, you know, clothesline.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  From the top rope, he did that. That was pretty cool when he would do that.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, but I'm thinking about just like a, like a clothesline.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  Clothes on it, just blown in the wind, and I'm like, that's so nice.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  I don't, why don't we bring that back? I'll tell you, I like that. I don't like, have you seen the people, it looks like in their backyard, they have like a fucking, it looks like an antenna? It's like a metal thing and then it comes out and there's like lines between the arms. Those suck.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't like that.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  Those suck. But like, I am all for a clothesline, but it needs to be like an old Italian woman that's doing it. Like, I don't want a clothesline if it's like a young hip person in Brooklyn and they're just like, "Namaste, I'm, uh, drying my, you know, 100% hemp seed twill sweatshirt." I want it to be just like an old Italian woman.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Who you're gonna see and she'd be like, "Ciao, buongiorno!"

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  You know, and she's taking just all white clothing.

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  Dude, where I grew up, I had an alleyway in the back, so everyone's house was like, the back of everyone's house was facing each other.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:07:56Speaker 01

  And everyone had clotheslines. So there was a line that would go from a bedroom, uh, on like a wheel and it would go out to a pole that was in your yard. So everyone would hang their clothes and they would like wheel the clothes out.

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  Hell yeah.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  And then they'd wheel them back in. They were all on clothespins and shit. Somehow these clothespins, you wanna talk about simple machinery.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  Incredible design.

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Innovation.

• 1:08:19Speaker 02

  There was never any clothes on the ground. Never. Windstorm wouldn't matter. Seriously, like yo, like, I've seen those things last through storms. You know who had one? The reason I'm saying this, you remember Ms. Valentini? Yes. She lived- Who was she? She's the, uh, fucking, no, she wasn't the librarian. She was like an aide, like a lunch aide or something like that. Who's the librarian? She lives on your block, no? Ms. Martinez did not live, uh, the, the, across the street librarian at St. Francis, Ms. Carpenini lived on my block. Also old- I'm getting my librarian. Also old Italian. Yeah. You know, uh- Ms. Martinez was a little mean. A little, bro. Our librarian growing up was kind of like me. And also- Long skirts. The only other thing I knew about her was that she was a former Rockette. What? Yeah. Ms. Martinez- Yes. Was a Rockette.

• 1:09:04Speaker 02

  Yes. How do you go Rockette to books? You know, things happen in life. She wore big skirts. Big skirts, like big teacher, like Ms. Frizzle skirts. You know what I'm talking about? I always pictured them being...

• 1:09:19Speaker 02

  Rough. Well, Ms. Frizzle had like rough skirts. She wore like dresses. Ms. Frizzle, for those of you guys that don't know- Rocket ship. Magic schoo- and magic school bus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yo. Ms. Frizzle's up there, low key, as like- 90's Ms. Frizzle? Oh my god. Yeah, pull a picture up. Pull a picture up of 90's Ms. Frizzle. She had it going on. They did a remake and I don't remember- Pooh's earrings in the game. Oh, the Saturn? The Saturn earrings? Where is she? Where is she? She, like, this is just a hot- Hell, yeah. Bro. Oh my god. Dude, with the pizza dress? With the pizza dress. Oh, is that cheese or pi- pizza? No, that's pizza, bro. Oh. What is those earrings? Bread? I don't know, it wouldn't matter. Still fire, honestly. Just a sexy woman, honestly.

• 1:10:03Speaker 02

  Just like she had it going on, her voice sucked, though. I don't remember- Look, that's the remake of Ms. Frizzle. They ruined Ms. Frizzle. Nah, nah. They ruined her. Nah, nah, nah, nah. What the hell is this? Nah. A, a blue shirt? Where's the pattern? Dude, where's the, she had, oh, well, they put a heart necklace on her to simplify it. Oh, minimalistic design. Maybe it's her daughter? Might be her do- her daughter. That, that would make- No, we need to talk about Ms. Frizzle's new clothes. Bro, you're gonna tell me that you think a blue, long-sleeved t-shirt's cooler than a, a dress that has cheese on it? Yeah, dude. Dude, you should- That's what we should be for Halloween. You should be Ms. Frizzle. Yeah? And I'll be the lizard. Look what they did dude.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  You know what?

• 1:10:47Speaker 01

  I, yo.

• 1:10:48Speaker 02

  I'm on board.

• 1:10:49Speaker 01

  Yo, look at how.

• 1:10:49Speaker 02

  Cancel the lefties.

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I agree. Look at, look at, look at Ms. Frizzle in that photo dude. Like, that's a sexy woman.

• 1:10:57Speaker 02

  She's got it going on dude, and she knows a ton of shit.

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  And she was cool.

• 1:11:01Speaker 02

  She was mad cool. She was like, "I'm hip, whoop, whoop."

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  And she was kinda irresponsible.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  She had a little bit of a, like a, like a, like a, a little like edge to her.

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's like, "I'm gonna take these kids, we're gonna shrink them down."

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Guess what? We're going inside a human's nose. Get in kids, buckle up.

• 1:11:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're not, the field trip isn't to the farm, it's to Tommy's blood stream.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:24Speaker 01

  We're gonna go check out the red blood cells.

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  Absolutely dude. Why, where are you going now, brother?

• 1:11:29Speaker 01

  Well, I was just scrolling down, looking around.

• 1:11:31Speaker 02

  Dude, Ms. Frizzle, absolute dime piece.

• 1:11:34Speaker 01

  Teachers should dress like that. That's like a thing. I, I saw on TikTok recently actually, that teachers.

• 1:11:39Speaker 02

  Like, do like Ms. Frizzle dresses?

• 1:11:41Speaker 01

  No, no, no. No, no. That teachers, uh, some teachers are dressing like too sexy, they're saying. Like, some people are like, "Alright, you're doing like outfit of the day."

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  I am, I, I am not gonna touch that with a 10 foot pole. You know, telling people how to and how to not dress.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  No, I'm saying like, there's discourse. Like, I'm not asking your opinion. I'm saying there's discourse on the internet of being like.

• 1:12:02Speaker 02

  Well, hold on. No, ask my opinion bitch.

• 1:12:04Speaker 01

  You just said you're not gonna give your opinion.

• 1:12:06Speaker 02

  Damn right I won't. Ipso facto, I like to stay in the middle.

• 1:12:09Speaker 01

  Second, ipso facto. Uh, but, uh, I think we should go back to.

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  I think less.

• 1:12:16Speaker 01

  Ms. Frizzle type shit.

• 1:12:17Speaker 02

  I 100% agree Joey.

• 1:12:19Speaker 01

  Like, those are cool outfits.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  Bro, look up, look up.

• 1:12:21Speaker 01

  Bro, if you're a science teacher and you're teaching young kids, you should dress like a mad scientist. Like, let's make this thing fun.

• 1:12:27Speaker 02

  Lab coat, lab coat, goggles on your head.

• 1:12:30Speaker 01

  Stupid glasses.

• 1:12:31Speaker 02

  And you have.

• 1:12:31Speaker 01

  Thick glasses.

• 1:12:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:12:32Speaker 01

  Thick glasses.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:34Speaker 01

  Very thick glasses.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  And there should be beakers and books and burs.

• 1:12:39Speaker 02

  And testing tubes. What are they called? Test tubes?

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  And when the kids are filing in, shit should be exploding.

• 1:12:44Speaker 02

  And, and, or, and it should be exploding and you should come out from under the desk with like a billow of smoke and you're like, "Whoa." And you put your goggles on your head and you're just like, "We have quite the class today."

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:54Speaker 02

  Like, it should be, bro, school.

• 1:12:56Speaker 01

  There should be costumes. Costumes, costumes, costumes, costumes.

• 1:12:59Speaker 02

  Bro, first of all.

• 1:13:01Speaker 01

  If you're an English teacher, just like Edgar Allan Poe.

• 1:13:03Speaker 02

  This is hysterical because also.

• 1:13:07Speaker 02

  Pay these teachers better. They should, and also pay for them to do these costumes. These teachers take a lot of money out of their own paychecks to like decorate their classrooms and shit. Criminally underpaid, criminally overworked. You're gonna be like, you need to make this a special environment off of your fucking forty thousand dollar a year salary. Bro, schools. How about that, schools?

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  How about a double middle?

• 1:13:27Speaker 02

  How about double for you, schools. Teachers? You get that finger.

• 1:13:32Speaker 01

  Why are teachers basically panhandling for supplies for fucking children?

• 1:13:38Speaker 02

  Schools, this is-

• 1:13:39Speaker 01

  You're a school!

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  This is what you should do. Who do I gotta talk to about? Linda McMahon? Linda.

• 1:13:44Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  She's the Secretary of Education in the United States, I think.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  I forget that this country is so-

• 1:13:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a, I forget it's a real place. I disassociate. My housing is munching. Linda McMahon.

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  Don't make me call Stone Cold.

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  We've seen what happens.

• 1:13:59Speaker 02

  We've seen what happens when Stone Cold gets involved. You should go like this. Hey, schools. Here's a blank check for teachers. You tell us what you think is an appropriate amount of money for you to do your job well. They're great people. They're signing up to be teachers anyways. That's a very thankless, hard job. And then let them do costumes every day.

• 1:14:18Speaker 01

  I think that teachers should, like, like a science teacher.

• 1:14:23Speaker 01

  I should know you're a science teacher.

• 1:14:24Speaker 02

  Bro, I should walk in and like, I should be able to close my eyes, imagine a librarian, and that's what they're wearing.

• 1:14:31Speaker 01

  I think that would make learning for children more fun.

• 1:14:35Speaker 02

  You're gonna tell me, audience, listening to the Basement Yard Podcast with Joe and Frank on United Airlines flights? I don't know if this episode will go there. You're gonna tell me you wouldn't be a better student? If your teacher dressed and looked and acted like Miss Frizzle or fucking Bill Nye the Science Guy?

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  Dude, if I walked in and there was, my science teacher was in a lab coat, I used to walk in and he was wearing a fucking plaid t-shirt. I don't want that shit.

• 1:15:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:01Speaker 02

  Save that for fucking the outdoors t-shirt.

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  Woodshop, woodshop.

• 1:15:05Speaker 02

  Woodshop!

• 1:15:06Speaker 01

  I took one woodshop.

• 1:15:07Speaker 02

  Alright, let's build.

• 1:15:10Speaker 02

  Let's build our perfect teaching staff. Woodshop, obviously, is Nick Offerman.

• 1:15:16Speaker 01

  I'm not doing this. Also, that's an actor.

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  But you see what he wears, dude?

• 1:15:22Speaker 01

  Cause he's got a mustache?

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  No, he wears flannels and stuff.

• 1:15:25Speaker 01

  I don't know what you're building over there.

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  Ms. Frizzle is my homeroom teacher. Science teacher, Bill Nye. He's the science guy.

• 1:15:34Speaker 01

  I heard he's a dick.

• 1:15:36Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:15:36Speaker 01

  That's all I heard.

• 1:15:37Speaker 02

  Damn, that sucks.

• 1:15:39Speaker 01

  What about Mr. Firestone? That's a science teacher's name.

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  That is a really good-

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  That was our science teacher growing up.

• 1:15:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, we had, I'm not gonna say-

• 1:15:46Speaker 01

  Mr. Firestone.

• 1:15:47Speaker 02

  I almost let his name slide.

• 1:15:49Speaker 01

  Mr. Firestone?

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  No, the other science teacher we had.

• 1:15:52Speaker 01

  Oh, why is that bad?

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  Cause of what we used to call him?

• 1:15:55Speaker 01

  Oh, I probably told him that.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  Oh, alright.

• 1:15:58Speaker 01

  He was mad cool.

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  He was really cool. Him and I used to chat video games all the time.

• 1:16:02Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:16:02Speaker 02

  Yeah!

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  Who would be the math, what does a math teacher need to wear?

• 1:16:08Speaker 01

  That's a good question.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  Math teacher needs to wear a button up shirt buttoned all the way with a bow tie and and checkered pattern.

• 1:16:16Speaker 01

  Oh, we already know what the music teacher's wearing. Piano tie!

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah!

• 1:16:21Speaker 01

  Piano tie! Every day.

• 1:16:23Speaker 02

  Piano tie and a, and like, you remember in the movie Grease, they would wear like poodle skirts?

• 1:16:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:29Speaker 02

  I just imagine that's what they would be wearing, with like those glasses that like had the wings on them and they'd be like, "We're gonna sing today!"

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  And then they're doing this with every song.

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  Who do you think out of all of our teachers, like, had the coolest vibe?

• 1:16:43Speaker 02

  Damn, uh, science, he was, he was a cool dude.

• 1:16:49Speaker 01

  I meant like, the way they dress and kinda like did their class.

• 1:16:52Speaker 02

  He was a cool dude.

• 1:16:54Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, he was.

• 1:16:54Speaker 02

  Like, he was a pretty cool dude. He did, he fucking sunned us.

• 1:16:57Speaker 01

  Mr. N.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  He sunned the shit out of us. He was just like, "Guys, in that closet is the world's most dangerous animal."

• 1:17:03Speaker 01

  I'll never forget that day.

• 1:17:04Speaker 02

  I'll never to the day I die, forget that.

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  I remember that vividly.

• 1:17:06Speaker 02

  And that's what teaching does. Good for him. Is he retired?

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 1:17:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, well. That's, he had a pretty cool, but he was chill, he was younger.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:16Speaker 02

  He was getting after it.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  He was.

• 1:17:18Speaker 02

  He was getting after it.

• 1:17:19Speaker 01

  He was.

• 1:17:19Speaker 03

  My chemistry teacher taught us how to not make meth.

• 1:17:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can teach you how to not make meth. You ready? Watch this.

• 1:17:28Speaker 03

  No, he was like, "Don't put these ingredients together because you'll make meth."

• 1:17:35Speaker 02

  Oh, so he taught you how to make meth?

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  Taught us how to make meth.

• 1:17:39Speaker 02

  That's not cool. That's borderline sociopathic.

• 1:17:41Speaker 01

  He was like a Walter White. He's like, "Where's my Jesse Pinkman?"

• 1:17:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think Breaking Bad was big. He was scouting out a little bit.

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  That's a smart way to go.

• 1:17:49Speaker 02

  Honestly?

• 1:17:50Speaker 01

  Hold up in court.

• 1:17:51Speaker 02

  I said, "Don't do it." He was pretty cool. Our 4th grade teacher, she was cool as shit.

• 1:17:56Speaker 01

  The door?

• 1:17:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:58Speaker 01

  Storm us.

• 1:17:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, she was a cool... She was cool. She was chill. She was like, "You know, I'm chill. I'm cool."

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Who... Who's your least favorite?

• 1:18:09Speaker 02

  Uh, 2nd grade.

• 1:18:13Speaker 01

  The Mac? The Mac Attack?

• 1:18:15Speaker 02

  Bro, Mac Attack was a mean old broad.

• 1:18:17Speaker 01

  She was, dude.

• 1:18:18Speaker 02

  She was a mean old woman.

• 1:18:20Speaker 01

  She didn't like me and you.

• 1:18:22Speaker 02

  She didn't like us.

• 1:18:23Speaker 03

  Our English teacher in 4th grade, her brother passed, and every time something happened in the classroom, like if the desk shook or a flyer fell, she would be, "Oh, Jimmy." So like, in 4th grade,

• 1:18:35Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 1:18:35Speaker 03

  Bro, we thought there was a ghost in our classroom.

• 1:18:37Speaker 01

  Oh, I was gonna say, if I got a hold of that, I'd be throwing shit and be like, "Oh, Jimmy's just really hanging out today." Gotcha. Your son's dead. Who was it? Your son?

• 1:18:48Speaker 03

  No, her brother or something.

• 1:18:49Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:18:49Speaker 02

  Her brother died?

• 1:18:50Speaker 03

  A while ago, yeah. I don't know.

• 1:18:52Speaker 01

  Sad, dude.

• 1:18:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was, but she convinced me that ghosts were real. I was very scared for a while. I didn't want to go into the classroom.

• 1:18:58Speaker 01

  Well, who cares? Her brother died. Why'd she gotta put that on you guys? That's irresponsible of her. That's crazy. Dude, I remember 2nd... I remember in 2nd grade, I think I told this story before, but like, do you remember that kid's name? There was like an Indian kid that came to school late. Do you remember his name?

• 1:19:17Speaker 03

  What grade? 2nd grade?

• 1:19:18Speaker 01

  2nd grade.

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  I can't remember his name, but like, it was, it wasn't the middle of the year, but like, we had already been in class. So everyone kinda knew each other, and then this kid just showed up, like, later. And...

• 1:19:31Speaker 01

  I forget his name, but then it was like, "Oh, everyone pair up." So I was like, "Oh, I'll pair up with the kid who just got here, like, be nice," or some shit, right? So, we kinda do this thing together and blah blah blah. Then we go back to, you know, something else that we're doing, and then later on in the day, it was like... And he didn't really talk to anybody, it was his first day. Then later on in the day, it was like, "Oh, pair up with another person again." So I look over at him, he looks away and picks someone else, I was like, "Ah!"

• 1:19:54Speaker 02

  Damn, what a bitch.

• 1:19:55Speaker 01

  What the fuck the fuck?

• 1:19:56Speaker 02

  He was playing the field, though, he was playing the field.

• 1:19:57Speaker 01

  He was, he was trying to cast a wide net. I never forgot that, though.

• 1:20:01Speaker 02

  That's fair.

• 1:20:01Speaker 01

  I forgot that kid's name, and there you go. Maybe I would've remembered your name.

• 1:20:04Speaker 02

  Oh, I was in the corner, seething, probably, because he picked somebody else. I was like, "You bitch."

• 1:20:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  You stupid bitch.

• 1:20:09Speaker 01

  Frank's over there, like, you know, writing a manifesto, he's gonna kill me.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  "How dare you not pick me to be your partner and pick the fucking Indian kid."

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  I just feel like that was just mean. You know? Watch what I'm gonna do.

• 1:20:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. That was also the same year you got mad at me because of Kelsey.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  There was a lot that year.

• 1:20:34Speaker 01

  There's a lot that year.

• 1:20:35Speaker 02

  Be careful. I can still write that manifesto.

• 1:20:38Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:20:38Speaker 02

  Okay?

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Well, there you have it, folks, that is our episode for today. Frank, where can they find you?

• 1:20:48Speaker 02

  Let's just keep going.

• 1:20:50Speaker 01

  You want me to just talk?

• 1:20:51Speaker 02

  I...

• 1:20:53Speaker 01

  How's your day? See? You want to keep going for what?

• 1:20:57Speaker 02

  You know where to find me, go check it out everywhere, go check out The Basement Yard Patreon. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Go check out The Basement Yard on United Airlines flights. If you're coming to the shows, TheBasementYard.com slash submit. If you wanna see if there are any tickets available, TheBasementYard.com.

• 1:21:11Speaker 01

  Guys, go follow the show at The Basement Yard on all platforms. And what's your...

• 1:21:17Speaker 02

  Wow!

• 1:21:18Speaker 01

  You guys can, and that's it, that's all, thank you guys so much, we'll see you next time.

• 1:21:32Speaker 00

  At Edward Jones, we believe rich is more than caring about the latest and greatest. It's also taking care of what gives your life meaning. That's why your dedicated financial advisor meets you where you are, with personalized financial strategies that help protect what matters, so you can preserve your progress while creating a path forward. The key to being rich is knowing what counts. Let's find your rich together. Edward Jones. Member SIPC.