The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doing Frank?
It's been a day.
It's been a day so far?
I just realized you're wearing a Rainforest Cafe shirt. Uh, sorta. It says Picky Boys Cafe. It was a whole... Enjoy the lawsuit, fucking moron!
They're coming after you for that one, my friend. Get this guy! Do they? Well, I guess they're like on the way out, the Rainforest Cafe, so they're probably hyped about...
I mean, he's keeping them fucking...
Yeah, you're single-handedly keeping them...
If anything, yeah, they should thank me.
Yeah, yeah. When we were in Vegas, I passed by one in the Uber, and I was just, I sent the picture to him, and he's like, "I would go with you 100 times over 100", you know, like...
I'm just down.
I just, is it like, it's just, it's just like a Fridays, right? Like a TGI Fridays?
Yeah, but like way cooler.
Cause of the leaves? Cause of the fake leaves.
Yeah.
And because every like 30 minutes they play thunder and lightning and water sounds?
Yep.
Do they?
Yeah, that's the idea of the rainforest part of it.
Ah, that makes sense.
And it's just like cheap looking. I'd rather go to Chuck E. Cheese, brother.
But this is a horrible battle.
Why?
I'd rather go to hell than both.
One of them probably is like hell. I'll let you figure out which one. Uh, yeah, it's been a, it's been a, it's been a day.
It was, I mean, you know why. It was Ruby's first day of school.
Yeah. I did, I got texts this morning from you and Greg.
It was also, yeah, it was Greg's daughter's first day of, of school.
This was like her first first.
And, uh, it was a tough day for daddy.
Yeah, you, uh, were out there, just, just letting it go, crying? Was she crying?
No. No, I held it together until I got in the car, because...
The car on the way there or way home?
Well...
Which way? A little bit of both. Got it. Uh, it, it started, I woke up, I went, you know, I went to, uh, the gym and then it started the second I got home from the, the gym. Mm-hmm. Because I was just thinking like, oh, fuck. It's gonna happen today. And then, uh, I set up, I don't know if you guys have seen this, but like a lot of people have been doing this thing where like, kids will go to their first day of school and parents will set up their like action figures and they're like waving by to them. Send them off? To send them off. Alright, you know what? Fucking, I don't wanna talk about this, nevermind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Oh, okay. It's gonna be. It's gonna be one of those? It's gonna be one of those episodes. I can't imagine, so like all her toys. So, I didn't do all that, but I set them up to have breakfast with her. Oh, fuck you.
And it was like toys that were like the first toys she's ever played with. Fuck you! Yeah. It was, it was, uh, it was a tough one. So it was like, oh, did, we're all here, so you go to school. And I did like the ones that like, they're here to be, to help you be brave. Uh-huh. And it was like Spider-Man and Batman and Mike Wazowski and some of her dolls and stuff. Mike Wazowski? Superheroes of the Mike Wazowski? Yeah, and Sully was there. Yeah. Uh, the Bluey family was there, the healers, as they're called. So she had breakfast. Was she excited? Bro, she was pumped. Yeah. She was pumped. I, I've been like dreading it for a while, um, but she's been ready for a while. Like, she's been
so ready to go to school. Like, she's like, I wanna make friends, I wanna learn, I wanna meet my teacher. She's been ready. But we haven't been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Becca and I were not ready. You're so worried about the kids crying and you don't think about... Well, bro, the way that I think about it, and I'm gonna try to get through this sentence as best as I can, is she is the most pure, innocent, kind-hearted little kid. Yeah. And like the idea...
Fucking god damn it. Come on, four minutes in, we got this. The idea of sending her into the world and like, the world possibly not being kind to her.
Uh huh.
Is fucking terrifying to me.
Because like,
I think as a parent, like, they're yours. So like, you, you, you literally and figuratively hold them close. Oh, that's a bad.
It's gonna fucking.
And like, you protect them, but like, like you, there's a little bit of letting go that you have to do.
Right.
Not cool with that.
Yeah, it must be really hard.
Nah dude. And last night, it fucking, god, we were on the way back from my brother's, uh, cause we went for the rehearsal dinner. And, uh, we're in the car and we're like, Ruby, are you so excited? She's like, yeah, you know, I wanna learn, blah, blah, blah. And then she goes, "I'm sad about Maeve." I'm like, "Why are you sad about Maeve?" And she's like, "Who's Maeve gonna play with when I'm gone?"
Dude.
Fucking god, Jesus.
So, I'm not, like, in that moment.
What'd you say?
I, I kept quiet.
I kept quiet.
She's like, "Dad, hold on, just give me a minute."
I let mommy handle that one.
She was like, "Maeve won't know what to play, who she gonna play with." And I was like, "Fuck."
Just like, the idea
of like, in that moment, she just thought about like, her sister.
And like, is she gonna be okay? Like, she knew she was gonna be okay.
And she was just like, "This is like my best friend, like, is she..."
It's so nice too, like with children, when you can get to a point where there's examples of this, yeah, just take it out, shoot it. Um, not the children, the heart. I don't know if the camera was on.
Yeah, let's put the camera on that one. Put the camera on that one.
But when you have moments where you're like, "Oh, I'm doing a good job because my daughter is in this moment," that's like about her, but she's thinking about someone else.
I mean, just like, that's like such a,
that's not a child's mentality, you know what I mean? Like, that's like, that's a, or a level of emotional maturity you don't expect, or at least I don't expect, from a four and a half year old.
You know, like, in that moment, and like, she didn't say this because...
For whatever reason, but like, she wasn't like, she didn't, I wonder like, is she thinking about like, me and Becca and Miles and stuff like that? Like, is she worried about how we're gonna be? But like, her first thought would just be like, this is my sister, we play together every day.
What is she gonna do?
Yeah, that's nice.
Is fucking dude.
So, you dropped her off?
Well, we got her, you know, like, we got her ready, got her, she was so fucking excited, dude. Like, she, she wore a special, like, she wore the dress she wanted, she
She had a bow.
Very cute.
We got a problem on our hands. She had those signs, that's like, first day of school.
Oh, I loved it.
And
I'm a big fan of those signs, like, children now, when they go to school, is like, first of all, they were just like, send us to school.
Yeah, I got sent goosebumps fucking lunchbox, and it was like, get out of my hair.
Get the fuck out of there, walked there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, oh my god, we've become our parents, now we're, that's our version of, I've walked twenty miles uphill to get to school, disgusting.
But they have the signs now, that say like, here's my name, here's my teacher's name, here's what I wanna be when I grow up.
So, it, it was said, you know, my name is Ruby, it's my first day of pre-k.
I am four years old, and then it said, uh, I love school.
She had never been to school.
And then it said, I want to be popular when I grow up.
It says, I wanna be blank when I grow up, and she wrote, popular, it's amazing.
And I, I think she did that because she loves, uh, like, she loves the song, Popular, from the Wicked movie.
Ah.
So like, I wonder if she sees like, a pink princess, like Ariana Grande, and was like, I wanna be that. Cause she always says like, I wanna be a princess, or something like that.
Say, I just wanna be popular.
Dude, dropping her off, I gotta say, kudos to the school, because like, the moment you walk in, they're like, we're taking the kid. Like, they're like, fucking rip the Band-Aid off, they don't let, because I'm sure, there is a science to like, I'm getting through this pretty good, I'm actually pretty surprised. There's a science to like, If you let them wallow in it, if you let the family sit in it a little bit, it gets harder. And so it's like rip the Band-Aid, take them in, let them, let them go and do their thing. They're probably doing that for you guys, too. I imagine. Yeah. But, you know, Maeve, Maeve was a little upset, but it was because there was like a playground outside and she wanted to go on the playground and she didn't know.
Miles was surprisingly, like, emotional. And then Becca was good. She held it together.
Daddy, Daddy's voice was cracking. We knew that was happening. Daddy's voice was cracking. Have a good day at school! Yeah. I sat, like, I sat with her and I just like, I, I hugged her and I, you know, I said, you know, basically just, you know, go, enjoy yourself, be brave, make, you know, do what you, you know, a combination of stuff like that. And I knew, I think in that moment, I knew I had to hold it together because I think if she saw me upset, she'd get upset. Yeah, yeah. So then when we got to the car, it was... Good night. A grenade of emotions. I was firing them off. Yeah. You know, to the point where I'm driving and Becca's like, You good? You're okay? Maybe I should drive, pull over. It's just sad, like, bro, the idea of like, you,
like, the love for a child is unlike anything in the world. I actually heard, I'm gonna give credit where credit is due, Sal, uh, Vulcan, Vulcan? From, uh... From Impractical Jokers. He put it the best way I've ever heard it put about having kids. He's like, yo, you have kids at 35, let's say. What do you think it feels like? You just, out of nowhere, 35 years of living, you just feel a new emotion that you've never felt before. Yeah. You've never felt before and it's so fucking intense. And like, the love for children, and you guys will see it if and when you have children, and then the idea of like, you need to, because that's part of life, right? Is like, you need to let them go a little bit.
I think that's why it's so hard for certain parents to like you sometimes you have you meet people and they have very overbearing parents and it's probably because of exactly what you're saying like it's a necessary part to you have to allow your kid to make mistakes and whatever like that's just a part of it. You have to let them do things that are wrong and it's so hard because you're like you feel like I know all the answers.
Bingo.
But you don't because the world changes and by the time that they're teenagers it's like you know the answers back then.
Yeah, but imagine your parents trying to be like over your shoulder doing everything.
It's also to me though like a heartbreaking realization that you have to allow the world to kind of harden your children.
Like that is sad because like you think of like the hurt that you've gone through in your life, whether it be as an adult, as a kid, you know, because when you're a kid, it's little things, you know, someone takes your fucking juice box or some shit like. But like the fact that you need to experience that to become tougher or better on the parents.
Is misery because like that's hard like as a parent, your your natural instinct is you want to help, you want to heal, you want to fix. So like the fact that you kind of have to just.
That sucks.
I imagine that's very difficult.
I don't like it. Call it what you want, whether it be selfish or what, I am completely fine with like the idea of like I get helicopter parents now and I really don't try to be one and I don't think I am one. But like I get it.
Is that they like always hovering?
Yeah, they're always there, always hovering, they fall and they run over, oh, you know, like, you know, the kids fall. I give it a beat, see if they're good, you good? You know, if not, I, you know, I, but like I get it.
I get it entirely.
Yeah, it's tough because it's like you feel like this is the right thing, like I should be there for my kid, but then it's also like the argument of if you try to fix every single one of their problems, you're kind of.
You're doing them a disservice.
You're hindering their ability to self cope and you know, figure things out for themselves, which ultimately they will need later in life, obviously.
And then like because I, you know, although Miles is not my biological son, like I don't remember having this visceral visceral of a reaction when he went to daycare. It could be because he's not my biological son. It could be also the because like at least my mentality, might get a little political here is.
The world is
He's a boy.
Not always kind to women.
And like, this is this porcelain doll of a daughter that I have.
And like, I'm going to put her into the world that like may or may not be kind to her, specifically to women by other, bro, I'm tell, I'm not even kidding. Becca and I were talking about it before I came in today, like, if we were to find out a boy's bullying her, I was like, yo, I'm gonna be one of those parents. I'm gonna go down into the school and I'm gonna raise hell.
Oh, of course.
Like, like I'll be whatever the male version of a Karen is, a Gary.
I'll be
Here comes Gary again.
I'll go in as Gary and I'll fucking raise hell and just be like, yo, I'm not fucking dealing with this.
Yeah, that, that is not, that's not where you wanna fuck around at all. Yeah, I, I mean, that, that's, that's very tough. But I think there is a difference when you have boys and you have girls, like, girls, at least I guess, as fathers, like, if you have a daughter, I'd be way more protective of, like, a daughter than a son, because a son is kinda like, you know, obviously you want, you don't want your son to be bullied, like, that's not, you know,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, absolutely. I just think that like-
There's more of an innocence, I guess.
I feel like-
It's hard to explain.
And, and this might be, like, maybe a little too intensive of a, of a mentality to take, but like, the approach that I kind of bring to it is just like, you want to teach a boy to be a good man.
And you want to teach a girl how to spot bad ones. If that makes any sense. Like, you're basically be, you're teaching a boy to, to be not
Bad.
Evil.
You know, and a girl to spot that. And like, one of those is scarier because like, you could teach a, like, to, this is, it's not coming out the way that I'm envisioning it in my head right now, but like, it's easier to spot, like, the only way you could spot the bad versions of it if, if you're exposed to it, you know what I mean? Like, you can teach, there's just more risk with girls, at least the way that I think about it, you know what I mean? Like, in terms of like, the world being-
Kinder to them like it's just more risky because you can only control so much.
Yeah, and I also like, you know, I think that men probably get away with more shit than than women do also. So I mean, it's very important to. You know, raise good men because there are dudes like dudes can abuse the system. Not saying that women can't either, but they have less of an opportunity than men do like men are in a lot of important positions in the world. So like if you raise a bad dude, or if they just become a bad dude or whatever the case is like that is a giant. Uh, that could be a giant um. Like a negative thing to happen to like a bunch of people.
I also think like, and this might be just like too much of a like black and white way of thinking about it, but like.
What happened?
I love that we've got to this. She's going to pre-k.
Where they're coloring all day.
Yes.
But I get it, I get it.
Kindergarten is gonna be tough.
Yeah, yeah.
First grade is gonna be tough.
Like she's getting in there and it's like, bro, alright, let's sit down at the board meeting. But like, I think like statistically like. Women are more likely to be victimized by men than the opposite, you know what I mean like?
Yeah, I mean, that that feels right. I don't know the statistics, so if someone wants to go crazy with his stats, whatever, but like that feels right.
In my head, I'm, I'm, I'm. It just feels like more of a like innocence.
And and it and it was fucking heartbreaking and I don't, I didn't know. I held it together. She didn't see me upset. I was on the way here. She's only doing two half days right now.
She did great. She was happy, said they had a great day. I was like, how, what did you guys do? And she's like, daddy, I don't remember. I'm like, okay, but tough morning.
Stop asking me, dude, like.
Basically, yeah.
Don't even, you're, you're not cool enough to know. I'm very popular, by the way. I've gotten my wish.
She, oh my god, it's and I, I, and I'm not worried about Maeve. I know I will be worried and I'll be emotional with Maeve too, but like. If someone like, if someone were to take something from Ruby.
Feel bad for the teacher, probably.
If someone, let's use this as an example, if someone were to take something from Ruby. Ruby would let them take it, not tell anyone, but be upset about it.
If someone were to take something from Maeve, Maeve would walk over, take it. Throw them to the ground.
And then stomp away happily about it.
You know, so like.
And it just depends.
We can curb that.
See, I think that's the biggest thing too. Like, it really depends like how your child is too. Because like my nephew Mikey is like such a sweetheart. So the idea of like, but he's like a bigger dude, so you're not really like worried, but.
A bigger dude about a five year old.
But like compared to kids his age.
I know, I know. It's just a funny way to put it.
It's harder to bully like a bigger kid, but like the idea of like someone doing something, he's just like, oh, that makes me upset. You know, and it's like, fucking punch this dude's lights out. Obviously, you're not teaching your kids that.
Yeah, no, no, no.
You know, a part of you is like, dude, stand up for yourself, but like that's not how, you know, like in the house. It's like, this is your sister. You're not gonna push your sister. You're not gonna like, you're gonna go over to your mom and be like, that made me upset. You know?
Yeah, it's, it's a.
Tough day for Frank, man.
It was tough. It was tough. Oh, and immediately put on like sentimental music when I got in the car.
Oh, you wanted to?
Oh, I wanted to sit in it. I wanted to sit in it.
Dude, I love crying and then crying.
Like hard cry?
Yeah, if I'm going, like if I'm a little emotional and like something's getting me a little bit, I'm like, let's fucking take this to the moon and cry hard.
Yeah, but see, hard crying driving is tough though, because you can't really let loose.
Oh, I do it.
Driving?
Hell yeah.
That's dangerous, dude. That's like driving, that's not, I'm not even gonna say it. That's dangerous, dude.
Drunk, I think.
I think that's right.
Oh, I was like, what? Um, I, no, I do it. Like, cause music, music sometimes I can like get in my head and like just make myself cry from like certain things.
Wha- wha- what intensity of cry can you get in a car?
I can. Nah, I, I haven't cried like that in a while. When I'm talking about like crying though, it's like tears, like actual tears coming down.
Like strong tears coming down, like?
What the hell was that?
Driving.
Holding on to the.
Oh, I, I was like.
He was just like.
I thought he was just like.
Fucking tears coming down?
I thought it was some anime thing, cause I know how much you're into it.
I cry tears.
Sent by, um, yeah, no, I can get myself going. I've done it in the car a bunch of times, on planes, pretty much every time I've told you guys that.
Planes, I, I don't think, I've cried maybe once or twice on planes.
Long flights, like if the flight is over five hours, there's a chance that at some point I, I get welled up, just for no reason, I don't know, it's weird.
No, not me.
I'll do it, just to like, do it.
The airports, like when I'm like waiting to get on a flight and I see like, if I'm coming home and I like, extra miss the kids and back and I see like a mom with the kids or something like that, I have to look down, I can't look at it. I can't, I can't, cause it's, it's just like, you know.
It's just like right there in front of you.
Dude, you know what I've noticed that's made me, that makes me cry so much is people when they're so happy that they cry, kills me.
So happy that they cry.
Like when like a, you know, they're waiting at the airport with a sign and they finally show up and fucking, they just like embrace each other.
Or it's like surprising people with something and they get so happy that they start crying.
Like, there's like an age bracket of like crying that gets me emotional, like.
Old bastards.
Old people crying.
That gets me crazy.
That gets me going because there's power behind those tears.
Old people, just sitting alone, boom.
Oh, I think just old people.
No, cause I don't like them.
Oh.
See like old people, once they start being old at you, I'm like, alright.
Once they start like, you know, like, you know, my, back in my day, you kids, you kids.
Exactly, but like if I, I saw a video once of a girl driving by, somewhere and there was a old guy sitting on like a bench with his dog next to him, and I was like, I'm gonna lose my mind right now.
Really?
Yeah, I don't know.
Old people with dogs gets me, especially when the dogs are also old.
Old men talking about how much they love their wife that passed away.
Ruins me, dawg.
Fucking old bastards, those make me cry like crazy.
Yeah, the one where it was just, you ever see the fucking, this is my kryptonite, there was a video of a, of a soldier coming home, to his daughter, to his daughter who's like, three or something, and she, she sees him and she's in class and she starts running over to him and she goes, oh daddy.
Video fucking murdered me dude.
Yeah. No, I've seen the ones where she's like daddy, I missed you.
Nah.
Yeah. Dude, every time I come home from one of the shows, Maeve gives me the biggest hug and she goes, "You came home."
What the hell?
She knows what she's doing. She knows what she's doing. Dude, it gets me every single time. Any of those soldier coming home ones get me. If there's little kids involved,
turn me into sashimi and eat me on a Tuesday 14.
14? Yeah dude, those are fucked up. I saw another one where it was like, there was a, it was like a football, a football one and the captains walked out and they were like shaking hands with the captains, but then the guy took his helmet off and he, and it was his dad.
Yeah, no, the soldier, we know, we've already spoken about this a million times. The soldiers one gets me. But you're right, when it's like old sad old people,
that gets me where it's just like, "We were together 70 years."
It was love of my life.
Love of my life, forever. You know, and then like, that gets me because, you know.
Fuck me, man. Did you see the audition tape of the guy who played the kid from ET talking, like?
Yeah, he's good. You didn't see the audition tape of the kid? How would I have, how and when and where would I have seen the audition tape?
It was like viral a bunch. It just went viral recently and I was watching it, I was like, that got me. I'm like, damn.
The kid was good, man.
Good. He got it right on the spot.
Literally, the guy goes, "Congratulations kids, you got it."
At the fucking audition.
The guy, his name is Spielberg idiot.
Was it Steve?
Was it Stevie?
Stevie Spies.
Stevie Spies?
The guy, yeah, the, one of the most prolific directors of our time.
I don't know if it was a casting director, I don't know.
It probably was a casting director. But, uh, no, yeah, no, no, no.
If you haven't seen that.
I, I don't like, if it, I, we spoke about it recently on an episode where it's just like, old people finding out their like grandson or granddaughter is named after them. And it's just like, nah, man.
See, I like crying though, that's my shit.
My mom just had, my, my new niece is named after her.
Oh god, your mom must have fucking lost it.
Yeah, and then, and then, you know, she would have turned it into a show too. I'd be like, "Nance, calm down."
Nance used to get after it every new year. She would cry her eyes out.
Oh, every new years?
She put on a show yesterday at my brother's rehearsal dinner.
I mean, I imagine too.
She was like, "Oh."
And I'm like, "Mom." And she'd be like, "What?" Like, in a split second, you know? I'd be like, "Mom, take it, take it easy." Fuck you! Yeah, fuck, oh, fuck you! Sorry! Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, I'm not allowed, I'm not allowed, not allowed to show any emotion. Fuck you! And then she'd go, "Hey Frank, hey Frank." Yeah, yeah. Wish I had a dollar for every time your mom gave me the finger. Oh, I mean, then you'd have another billion dollars.
Yeah, no. Speaking of old goddamn broads.
Were we on all goddamn broads? We were talking about old people. Yeah. You know? This old broad at the baseball game. Oh, let me get to the ads first before we get into that. Oh, you know, so, yeah. Yeah, cuz that really, that really pissed me off. That bagged your piss. What was that? Uh, alright, so we have some sponsors. Uh, the first one being Hungry Root, okay? Hungry Root, it's lovely. It's like half my own personal shopper, okay? Uh, they take care of the weekly groceries. They recommend healthy groceries tailored to your taste. I've used them a couple times. It's lovely, okay? They, they, uh, they go out there, like, you know, you tell them what kind of groceries you usually buy, and then they go out there and they find high-quality nutritious food.
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All right. What was that?
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I don't remember what I said about that zucchini thing, but I think that was a pretty... We might make that a line, right? Ipso facto, I make it a line and it becomes a big one. What was the zucchini thing? Something about nutrient-dense roots.
Self-praise is better than no praise.
Hell yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about, self-love.
It's good love.
Good love.
It's a good version of love.
Yeah, so about this dumb old white broad.
Here's what I'll say about this woman.
The haircut.
Well, she's not doing it, listen.
She's really fulfilling a stereotype here. It's her prophecy. If you're gonna have that hat, you're gonna yell. It's gonna happen.
Well, here's the thing. Karen has become such a big, like, thing that, like, white women, you need to protect yourself.
It's a disease.
It is a disease.
God damn it.
Being a Karen is a disease.
You know the haircut, dude.
You know the haircut, and you know the way, you know the self entitlement, you know the, you know, the, the, the, you know, delusions of grandeur.
Like, it's, you, you know these things, so why do you contribute to it?
I don't know, but there was a woman who's fucking, basically took a baseball from a child at a Phillies game. Just play the video.
Yeah, I got you.
And then, and then we'll kinda talk about it. We'll get into the rules of...
So, it's a little, uh, it replays like a little bit, but the whole thing's here.
Okay.
If you just give it a second.
Yeah, so see her haircut, you know what I'm saying? Like, not good. Everyone's just kind of like...
Oh, gotta say this.
The dad looks a little afraid here.
But, but, oh.
The scanning.
She went marching off.
Dude, not a good look for the dad. I will say that. If someone taps on you at a game, and you, yeah.
Yeah, that's a little...
That's, uh, not a great look for him.
The, the being scared here, or whatever that was...
Yeah, I don't know, I'm very confused by that. Here's what happens, right? So, a, a ball gets hit into the stands. Now, when a ball usually gets hit into the, uh, stands at a baseball game, everyone's scrambling for this ball, they want the ball. The rules are, there's no rules. Okay? You don't hit anybody, but everyone's grabbing for this thing, it's kinda like a fumble, okay?
It's pretty much like whoever gets palm on ball first, it's, they're, they've basically got it.
Yeah, but you gotta pull it to you. If you've got the ball like this and you catch it like that and there's a bunch of hands around and someone pulls it out of your hand, it's their ball.
No.
It's their ball.
That I disagree with. That I disagree with. If you, as soon as ball and palm make contact.
No way, because it hits the hand, it could fall out.
But, okay, so make, like, you need, what do they say in football? You need a football move? Once, once you get the closing and it's like in your hand, once you've wrapped your fucking sausage fingers around it, it's yours.
I don't, I don't agree. I think that if like, if the ball's being hit in the air, right? And everyone's jumping up for the ball and you get it in your hand like this and you're still in this motion. If you have it, if you're like, yeah, if you can celebrate with it, then it's your ball. But if it's like in that motion and people are going for it and you lose it, you lost it.
The best version of this that I've ever seen, did you ever see when, when Barry Bonds hit the 756 homerun?
It was a dude from Queens who caught it and just went, "Fuck!", like a fucking like thundercat.
Yeah. You can't rob anyone once they have it. That's why if you grab it, you're supposed to pull it in.
Yeah, you're supposed to, and it's, there is a respect of just like, alright, you give up at that point. It's like, alright, they got it.
But if it, a lot of the times what happens is it'll land in a spot where no one caught it, so it's on the ground. And everyone's making a mad dash for it. And sometimes a bunch of hands get on it, but it's whoever pulls it out of there that gets it. That's kind of what happened here.
Well, no, in the video, which it wasn't in this video, but I saw the, like, the OG OG. It, she's on the, like, the aisle above where the ball lands. So it hits and it rolls down onto a new level.
And then at that point, the dad scoops it up. Uncontested, by the way.
It looked like she was going for it too. Can you?
I think I, I think I have it here.
Yeah, pull it up, because like, they, they were like both there. It was below her, it was like the seat below.
So look, she's in the aisle and it goes below.
Yeah, and he snags it.
And it goes under the seats and he got it. And look, takes it, excited, gives it to his kid, gives it to his kid. And then, oh.
And she's like, "Hey, that was my ball!". Bro, it's a fucking baseball. Also, bro, here's another rule that I have for you people out there. If you're at a baseball game and you catch a foul ball, give it to a child.
Yes, dude.
Give it to a fucking child.
Unless it's like, like a worth them.
Oh, no foul ball is worth anything.
Well, that was a homerun.
Yeah, that was, if it was like a, like a valuable homerun, like,
Like when Judge hit it, or like, Jeter's 3000, or Bonds.
Shit like that. Dude, give it to a child.
Give it to a child. You know how pumped they're gonna be?
That's gonna be, like, that might be the moment they're just like, yo, I wanna become a baseball player when I come older. And like, you're etched in their memory, is like, this person did this kind thing for me. Like, that video is everything that I feel is fucking wrong with the world right now. Like, this woman felt a sense of like, fucking, like, it's mine because it landed in front of me and someone else, like, fuck you.
Yeah, bro.
Dude, this woman.
Sacrifice the body, you gotta dive down there. You want it?
You want it?
You want it, Betsy? Put the body on the line.
Damn.
Dive over.
Have we, I, I'm sure the internet, and I'm not gonna ask this for, like, I don't wanna ask this question because I'm sure this woman is probably getting bullied.
Oh, she's getting her fucking, yeah, she's getting torched.
Whatever. But,
just, just, just, just, like, you're, this, and she's clearly, like, in her mid to late 50s, you would say, maybe early 60s?
I don't know.
She's seen, she's,
I think that's a dye job, dude. I don't think she, she has white hair.
She's seen some stuff. Give the ball to the kid.
Yeah, that, to me, is insane. Like, it'd be one thing if you're gonna walk over to, like, you know, 27-year-old dudes and be like, what the fuck? But like, there's a, it's in a child's glove!
Yeah, and literally, so he goes over to his son, puts it in his son's glove, he's like, hugging him, like, I got you a ball, isn't this so cool? He's a Phillies fan, the Phillies hit the homerun, and then this woman, he handled that well. I will say that.
I probably would've done the same thing. He, he eventually gave her the ball. He was like, here, take the ball, and he went like this, he's like, get the fuck out of here. Like, stop screaming at me and my kids.
Jokes on, what were you gonna say?
I feel like,
You wouldn't give the ball up?
Not that, but it'd be funnier if I'm like, this ball?
And threw it back?
Launch it back.
That, no, because then it, then everyone loses.
Cut the, yeah, cut the baby in half.
But then everyone, but then everyone loses.
I'm fine with that.
I would be like, No, because I would rather, I'd rather my kid win.
Yeah, but if you hand it back, well, he wound up winning because there's more to the story. But I'm saying in that moment, you handing it back, you are losing. I'd rather, alright, if I have to lose, everyone loses.
No, I think there's a level of high, like, he took the high road. She looks like a maniac.
Dude, there have been people that have like, put this into AI and made her into like, Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Where she's like, "My precious." You know?
I-
That was so dumb to do.
Pretty poor, pretty poor Gollum impression, I'm sorry about that.
It wasn't that bad.
Can I try again?
Just go ahead.
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I need a precious. Someone get me like-
What?
Wow.
I stabbed my finger with that.
You okay? I unclicked it, you should be alright.
No, it clicked in my finger.
I passed out. He's like, "My precious."
It was worse than the first time.
Yeah, I think so. I think the first time was better, yeah.
I really need that pen.
Now go get it, bitch.
Now it's literally on the back wall, so there's that.
That's as far as that pen could go.
Go get that pen now, bitch.
Wow, that's crazy.
That was a little nuts?
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you kind of-
Go get it, mister bitch?
You kind of good boy'd me now, I can't get it.
Yeah, no, you can't.
Oh, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You want me to get it for you? During the next round of ads, I'll get it.
I'm not gonna get that thing.
Yeah, but you can't do this, bro. Like, I, I would be like, yo, you want it so bad? Take it from my fucking son's glove then, you maniac.
Ooh, put her in the position that she needs to rip it from the kid's hands?
Yeah, like, take it from him.
But you know, this woman has the idea of like, it was mine. I'm get it, I don't care, you're making me be the bad guy, take it from your son, I'll do it.
Just like, no one agrees with you.
I gotta say something. If this was my family, first of all, this woman's getting a verbal argument out of me. She's, uh, cause he gave it up pretty quick.
She's getting a what? You dumb, dumbass?
What would you realistically do?
I almost went dumb bitch. You dumb bitch?
What would you do, though, if, first of all, if I'm in that situation and that woman comes storming up to me and she's using foul language? Look out.
Oh dude.
All bets are off.
I'm gonna be the biggest little bitch in the world.
Yeah, I'm gonna be fucking, I'm gonna be saying some crazy shit. But she, if, like, what would you do realistically? Like, really put yourself there, don't be like, I'd flip out, like, really? If, if you're at a baseball game and that happens, you get a ball, you give it to, to Miles and your fucking daughters are there too.
Yo, it's Miles's.
But like, what do you do? You'd be like, yo, just get out of here.
Go the fuck away. Go away. At a certain point, if this woman is super intense, I'm gonna look at Becca and be like,
We're gonna have to.
You're gonna have to start swinging. Because I'm not. You know, just like, if this woman starts like pushing and shit, that's when I step back and I let, you know.
Old freehold Becca will come through and she'll be like squaring up with people and shit. And I'll be in the back like, get her ass, bitch.
Yeah, she's old enough, she knows the golden rule of finders keepers.
Dude, this woman sucks so bad. I think like, you're, like, here's the thing, is even though you got the ball, you took it from a child.
Yeah, like, how could you, like, if I'm her.
How can you enjoy that?
If I'm her, I would, I would almost like have a moment. Like, if I'm mad enough that I'm gonna walk over there and be like, you took that from me, blah, blah, blah. And then he takes it out of the kid's glove and gives it to me, there's no way I'm walking away with that. Cause now I look like a maniac, like, you don't have a come to Jesus moment of like, oh shit, I just took this from a kid and now everyone has seen that. Like, give it to the kid, but you're an asshole.
I feel like.
If you wanna do that, like, fine, but, bro, you walk away with the ball. It's so crazy.
I feel like there is a certain, cause I, I love watching videos of like Karens getting owned. You know what I'm talking about? Where, you know, like, the one that I love is,
Settle down.
Oh my god, I love that.
Calm down.
And the, the, or like, the one where like, you know, white women, like, old Karens will like yell something at like a person of color and then turn around and fall on their face.
You ever see the video of the dude who like pulls up again, of like, next to those girls? And, and he's like screaming shit? And she goes, you're bald. And he goes,
Does that make him say, like freezes?
No, the one that I love, and I actually think it might be fake because it kinda looks a little staged. Where like the girl, it's like an old woman and she's like, "That's my bag, I'm first in line." And he's like, "Congrats, you're first in line at Chili's."
Oh yeah.
And she's like, "I don't like your attitude."
I love that. I pray for someone to be a smart ass to me in public.
I really don't wish for that.
So, do you give, you said you would give the ball back? If you're with your son, little, what were you, Walrus?
Mm-hmm.
Walrus. Your son, little Walrus, you catch a homerun ball, of, of a team that he's a fan of.
Like, the only way I could see it being like, "No, fuck that, it's the kid's ball."
Yeah, I mean, I think that like, it would be tough. I would, I would probably like try to put it in perspective for her, being like, "You're gonna take the ball from the kid? Like, what are you doing?"
And she probably, she probably said like, "Well, you took the ball from a, an old woman."
But I would get that. I'd be like, "Okay, if you think I'm an asshole, that's, that's one thing, like, fine, like, I don't care, but like, you're literally gonna take this ball from him? Like, even if you caught the ball, you should give it to him." Like, that's what we do out here.
Like, we catch balls and we give them to children.
At this point in my life, it would need to be a really cool ball for me to not give it to a kid.
Judge's homerun, like, his record ball?
Just so we're all on the same page here, this woman is wrong. Had that been Judge's homerun, record-breaking homerun ball, I will throw a foot. I will throw a high kick to anyone who's around for that ball.
Can I ask you a question?
Because this is a popular topic of conversation in the world of sports.
Are you, are you selling that ball? Are you?
Danny makes fun of me forever for this. You may have been there as well, who was making fun of me too.
Are you giving it for free? Are you selling it? Are you holding on to it? Because like this is, like a lot of people have like differing opinions. People, like there are some people that are like, yo, it's Aaron Judge's ball. He worked for it. He could take it scot-free. I'm pretty sure at one point in time, that was my mentality.
Me too. Now, at one point, I said to Danny and Danny was like, "You're a fucking idiot." Cause he, I was like, uh, I think it was Jeter's 3000th hit. And I was like, I would give it to him. Like it's his ball. Like it's his whole career. It's like this ball. Like I'm gonna hold on to it because I'm greedy and I need money. But I feel like I change my tune as you learn more about like, like if they want that ball, they're gonna get it.
They're gonna get that ball.
I mean, here's the thing is, if Aaron Judge were to hit, like, let's use that as an example. Aaron Judge broke the single-season American League homerun record a couple of years ago.
Let's say the ball is worth $3 million.
If Aaron, I'm more, if the Yankees organization
was like, "We want the ball." I would first of all have a high ask.
What's your ask?
I'm, I'm getting season tickets for a number of years.
Several years.
You also have to go to the games, though.
I don't, I don't have to, but at least I get it.
Sure.
Like I could go to the games.
But like, that's worth it to you?
You know how much Yankee season tickets are?
No, I know.
They're a couple hundred thousand.
Depending on where you are. Legend suite access. Like, I'm gonna be like, "Yo, you're the Yankees?" Blank check.
But that's never been what people have gotten.
I know. Because they're just like, "No." And then the, the people end up selling it on the, like the, at auction, basically, for millions of dollars on end. And there have also been instances where people just give it to the athlete.
And the athlete won't do it. Like, maybe sometimes it'll be like, "Here's a signed jersey and a signed bat and whatever."
I think the, the, the, the honest, moral, high moral person in me says, "Give it to them. They earned it."
The realistic person in me though, the American?
Says, "Hold that shit, sell it for 5 million at auction, baby."
Yeah, like, I'm like, it's tough. It would be tough to... I think because we're in a blessed position to be doing the job that we're doing and we're paid well, I'm more inclined to just give it to them.
But like, for, for an athlete to expect someone who's sitting in, in the bleachers who caught this homerun to not change their life with it?
I mean-
I would encourage that. If I'm judged, be like, "Bro, you're gonna get 3 million dollars for that ball, bro."
It's, it's just gonna be a baseball.
You know, I'm taking, no matter what position I'm in, I'm taking 3 million dollars.
No, I know. I'm saying-
I'm in a very blessed position, I'm very, very well aware of that. I'm not in that blessed of a position. I'm taking that 3 million dollars, baby.
I'm not saying that I would absolutely, blah, blah, blah. It would also would have to be an athlete that I'm like... If it was a team that I'm not a fan of, you'd have to kill me for the ball.
Oh, like if it were like you caught like fucking-
If it was like a Jets touchdown, I'd be like, "I'm keeping this fucking ball forever."
Why would you have it? How, if they handed it to you?
It's more like, "How can they have it?" No, like they score a touchdown and they give you the ball.
Oh, fuck you! I see what you did there, bitch. You slimy fucking bitch.
What, what, what? The joke is, they, they can't score a touchdown.
That's the joke, that's the joke. Uh, no, if it, let's say if it were a homerun hit by anyone who was not on the Yankees-
Let me be very clear.
I'm keeping it. If I went to like a Yankees, Red Sox game, or a Yankees... Bro, if I went to a Yankees Astros game and I caught like a historic Astro homerun, I am gonna be the dumbest little slimy worm for this ball. I'd be like, "Oh yeah? Fold your whole team and admit you're cheaters, you fucks." Admit it! Admit it, you slimy bastards! Like, I am gonna be such a little prick about it.
Same with the Red Sox. Red Sox, I'll just be like, "You want it? Give me season tickets." And then they give it to me and I'll be like, "Oh, I lost it in the river." You know? I just, I can't... I, I, I think the realistic thing to do is to ask for them, especially if it's like a big one, like- Who's gonna really want like the 100th career homerun of fucking Jose Altuve?
But like if it's.
If it's a record breaking homerun, it's like, bro, you hold on to that.
Pull up the video of Barry Bonds historic homerun and the guy that, the guy, it was a dude from Queens that caught it. I think he's in a Mets jersey and he just throws, I watched it live, dude. And I was just like, yo, that guy's probably, at the time, I was just like, yo, he's probably gonna make like a million dollars.
If he had held on to that ball until today.
Forget it.
Five million, 10 million.
Props. I don't, I don't know if we're gonna be able to like see the crowd though.
No, you can, you can see it right there.
In this one?
Yeah, look.
Alright, I got you.
MLB, please, we love you, don't strike us. Look at that.
They definitely will.
Yep, and then, watch this, the guy throws his arm up right in the air.
That's a crazy homerun to catch too, 756, oh, and I guess.
They're not gonna show it. This is what I imagine would be.
Not gonna show it to the crowd.
Okay. Demotized now for no reason, so lovely.
Whatever.
Um, but yeah, catching that ball, you're like, your life's changed. You're a millionaire now.
Yeah, but I'm sure, I'm sure Uncle Sam comes a-knocking.
Cares, still a millionaire.
Saw someone won the 1.8 bills.
Yeah. Did they? One person?
Two.
One in Texas, one in Missouri.
Wow, dude.
I bought a couple of tickets.
Did you?
You bought a couple of tickets?
No, I was gonna, but then I forgot.
That, that mentality is so stupid to me.
What, not buying Lotto tickets?
In that situation, I don't buy Lotto tickets unless it's over a billion dollars.
What kind of rule is that?
I was just, it gets me excited.
You're like, maybe.
Yeah, because, and then all of my TikTok like fucking feed was just like, here's what to do if you win the mega million, Powerball.
One, sign the back of the card, take pictures with it, photo cut, like. If it's over a bill, I'll play. Under a bill?
I'll be, I won't. You have more chances under the bill. I can't even imagine what you would be like after like winning that. Like, I feel like you would be so scared.
Dude, it.
Yeah. You would be like, yo, I'm not going outside, someone knocked on my door. It's like, it's mailman.
No, no, seriously, I don't thi, I wouldn't tell a single soul. I've thought about this, cuz I used to be like, yeah, I'd tell my friends and family. No one will know.
If you hit the, the jackpot.
Right? You, you immediately go into hiding?
I wonder how it is, like?
I don't know about-
They just wire it?
I don't know about hiding, I'm sure, I'm sure you have to give like, where you want the money to end up and stuff like that. I don't know about hiding, but I am, like, for several months, going to remain low. Like, not hiding, but like, I really, if I were to tell people, because I really don't think I would, it would take a while.
So...
Because they, they were, they were, they were saying like this, with the 1.8 billion, it was like, after original, after basically all the taxes and all the fees, it would be like, 400 million dollars. And then like, the next year-
Wait, hold on, what'd you say, 1.8?
And it would be 400 million?
If you take lump.
Half of it immediately gone.
And then-
And then there's more income tax and stuff like that.
And then lump is another like, 40 gone.
Or maybe that was when it was 1.1.
1.8 to 400 makes no sense.
I think it's around 7.
Let's say, so like, lump sum, I mean, look it up, you can find it-
Well, whatever, let's call it 500 million.
Let's call it 500 million.
I'll look it up.
You're, you will never work a day in your life if you chose not to.
Of course.
As generational wealth. Forever. I mean, untaxed, if you put it in the market, you're getting 50 to 60 million dollars, untaxed, a year. Crazy. I really, really, really don't think I would tell a soul for a very long time. Because I would be afraid.
But what would you, but what? So what would you do with it?
I mean, I'm hiring security.
For what?
What the fuck you mean for what? You're, now you're in, you're a fu- almost a billionaire.
You just said no one knows.
I know. Oh yeah, I guess the security, I guess the security will be-
I go to Frank's house, there's guards with guns, I'm like, what's this about? Nothing!
There would be signs, like I said.
What was it?
It's a 800.
Lump sum.
Yeah, you saw, you saw 400 because it was two winners, it's split.
Alright, so, so, so basically, after taxes, it will probably be around 600.
I thought the taxes was the 50%.
I think, yeah, I think that's what they walk away with. I think that's everything.
Taxes is the 50%. Eight hundred million dollars.
Crazy.
To just wake up, to just, yo, in, to go like this? And you're a new person? It's crazy. I'm, I, I would have to like, I, we, all the other times the jackpots have been this high, we've talked about this. I'm, I'm sitting down and having a couple of drinks in quiet.
You would need to hire a lot of people to tell you what to do with your money.
It's too much money.
Well, they say, they say that you, the first thing you should do is contact a lawyer and a, like a, basically like a money, yeah, financial advisor.
And then,
our, our financial advisor would be very happy.
But like, even that, like, what do you do as a financial advisor when you get that much money?
Uh, you diversify.
I know, but I'm saying like, I imagine like, that's an intense amount of money to have in your control.
Sure, I mean, I, I think you do like a mix of things. I think it's a slow deployment of the funds. Like, obviously you could put some in the market, you're not gonna put all of it in the market, though, like, I would be such-
You would buy real estate, you would buy, you know.
That's, that's all nice. That first month, I'm partying, dude. First month, I'm going crazy.
But like, what, so what does that look like, though, to you?
For him? Twisted tea fountain shoved, fucking funneled into his ass?
I'll be honest, it'll probably look about the same until I really realize I have all this, and then it'll be not more for me.
Oh, man, those parlays that you'll be throwing.
No, I can't, I can't, I can't.
You would.
I mean, there would be no reason to gamble if you have 800 million dollars.
Yeah, like, you gambled to, like, try to get that.
Yeah, I was gonna say, you're also, a lot of people that are like gambling addicts say they didn't gamble to win, they gambled for the feeling of,
Yeah, that's true.
You know, so like, they're still gonna gamble, it's just the amount they're gambling with is changing.
I, dude.
I would go live in like Europe somewhere or some shit.
You just completely up and dip.
Thanks, man.
I mean, no, I would still do this. I would still do this.
What about the people that earn a living fucking?
No, no, no. I mean, obviously like that, but I'm saying like, you know.
I know what you would do.
Yeah, I would just kinda like.
We would record one day a week.
Ten episodes.
Ten episodes. And then you'd come in for that one day, fly from fucking Europe on your private jet. And then you'd go right back and live in a villa and fucking on the Amalfi Coast.
Not there, but somewhere, for sure.
Oh, it was the, the Azores.
Oh, that'd be nice.
The Azores or, or España. Do I love to live in España? Where they don't even eat dinner until like midnight.
So good.
You've never heard that?
I have, but I didn't say that.
It's like all the, they always make fun of the people that like study abroad. Where they, they come back and they're just like, oh.
Eight thirty, what? That's so.
We don't even eat dinner until like midnight. Dude.
I hate that, by the way.
I hate that idea. Where it's like tapas. Fuck tapas.
Well, I don't like eating super late. The absolute latest, and I'll only do this if it's a really nice restaurant, ten o'clock. Absolute latest. Ten thirty, I'm like, nah.
Hmm, interesting. I haven't even thought about that.
Like, what's the latest? I mean, obviously like the best. Depending on where you're going, if I'm going to a really nice restaurant, I probably will favor. Like. Eight thirty. Nine.
Yo.
I just thought of one of the things I would do if I was, if I won the jackpot.
It should be good.
Richie Rich style, I'm putting a restaurant in my crib.
And it may not be a McDonald's. But like. I'm putting a restaurant in my crib, dude.
And like. It could be, no, it won't be a functional restaurant. It'll just be for me.
Right. One table.
One table. You know, you don't need the full menu, just what I want.
Why not just get a chef?
Yeah, that's a good point.
You could get like a team of chefs.
That's a good point. I like cooking, though.
You ever see really rich people's houses and they have like a chef's kitchen? That's so far.
There's like a kitchen and then a chef's kitchen.
I, I like cooking, but you know what? At that much money, I'm just gonna be a little, be like, what do you want for dinner? Be like, yo. I would, I don't think I'd survive Joey.
A chef is a fucking sick one.
I don't think I would survive because I would be like every night tomahawks. Every night.
Tomahawks?
Every night tomahawks and fucking oysters and octopus.
Tommy Tuesday, Tommy Thursday.
Tommy tomorrow. Tommy tomorrow, yeah. It's a Tommy weekend, I think.
Yeah, it's Tommy time.
Tommy today.
Tommy time. What's like the one thing that you would be like, I'm gonna indulge a little bit? Oh, I know what you're doing.
All of it.
Joey, uh, this, Joey's sign would be he'd show up with like a fucking like platinum Daytona.
No, uh, I, probably, uh, like really nice real estate. Now, I, I honestly have no interest in like, not that I have no interest, like I get from a investing perspective, like real estate, but like a sick house, like I would love that.
I mean, Joe, you're gonna have a sick house as it is, bitch.
I meant like if you have eight hundred million dollars and being like, I can just get like, or multiple.
At what point is that just like?
Who cares?
Too much. You know what I mean? Like?
A house?
Yeah, like what are you gonna get? Like a, a house with like twenty bedrooms? For what reason?
No, I would, see, yeah, I don't like that. I actually think that's mad creepy.
Just like parts of your house that like, there are people that are like, yo, I've only been in that part of the house once since I bought the house and I've lived here for fifteen years.
Yeah, that's strange. I would rather, uh, like property and like, uh, uh, a decent sized house that's like homey and like, you know, in-laws and your family and stuff, like everyone has their own rooms.
Which now that sounds like a lot of bedrooms, but something like that, but then like the outdoor space, like the entertaining spaces are large.
Dude, my backyard.
Living rooms and the backyards.
My backyard would be fire. Lazy river.
Lazy river.
You know, you could throw in some fucking, you know, a bar.
See, if I had eight hundred million though, I would be doing dumb shit. Like, I would, I would do like, I would have a, like I said, the entertaining spaces of my house, I think would be big because I like being around people and, and hosting and stuff like that. So those things, but also I would be like, we're hiring whoever's the best like sushi chef in New York City to come and, and do it here.
Oh, my god.
And also hiring like a famous singer or something like, come sing a song.
Yeah, like Taylor Swift is gonna sing my daughter's birthday.
Exactly.
Shit like that. That might be too. That might still be out of budget after a while. It might be, yeah. If you had. Taylor Swift.
If you want a year, want a year, want a year.
Eight hundred million dollars, dude?
First of all, Taylor Swift's not picking up the fucking phone, dude.
For eight hundred million? Well, I wouldn't offer everything.
I give her my fortune?
If I, if I said, Taylor Swift, come and for two million dollars, just sing, do a little concert, hang with the kids.
I bet she would do it.
Two million?
Two mil is a lot.
Two mil is a lot of money.
For, for a fucking dinner?
And not only is it a lot, but it's so low lift. Like, she's probably making three to five mil for her shows, and those are three hours of singing and dancing non-stop.
I'd be like, yo, come at your leisure, do some songs and have food and drinks.
You know? Two mil?
Bring Travis, we'll throw the pigskin around.
I gotta admit, I'm kind of upset that no billionaires are fans of the basement yard because they just be like, yo, name the price, come, come do a show in my backyard. Would you do it?
Honestly. That would be terrifying.
To, to, to go in someone's backyard and be responsible for a dinner party?
Dude, if someone hit us up, let me make something very good. Shut the fuck up.
Obviously, the answer is yes.
Okay, thank you.
If someone hit us up and was just like, listen, I'm a billionaire, my kids love your show.
Hello, I'm a billionaire.
It's their birthday party. Just come and just like mingle and emcee the birthday party and, and have fun.
First of all, what are you asking for realistically?
I wouldn't. I would make them offer.
Smart. Let them offer and then you say too low. Well, and then you go up.
Say too low no matter what on their first call.
So if they say like, we'll give you a million dollars, you're like, sorry, that's too low. All right, two million. Okay, you know, and then you walk away with two million dollars.
Semantics.
I mean, one million, because we split it fifty-fifty.
He's mad excited.
You're not coming bitch, where am I seeing this, sorry!
Can't do nothing. I can't do nothing. He's like, "I produce the show, who's gonna, who's gonna produce?"
I wish you could just get money from people and the government doesn't take it dude. That's so sick.
Me too.
There is a way now.
Yeah, apparently.
Streamers.
Yeah, they just, they just released this new, uh, tax thing where streamers tips and donations up to 25K, tax free.
Up to 25K though, that's fucking nothing.
25K is definitely not.
I know, it's a lot of, it's a lot.
The first 25,000 being free.
But I'm saying like, you think of like Kai and
the other streamers.
They're too big for it to even count, that's a different tax code all in general.
$25,000 tax free is gigantic.
That's a lot of money, no, I agree.
But it starts there, so like, after that it's.
If they were to say like, "No tips or gifts that you receive from streaming is taxed", "I'm going home, I'm streaming tonight", you know what I'm saying?
It's fair, but they gotta give money at some point.
But why? Like, why does a government need a piece of everything?
The idea is that they're, you know, building the infrastructure and.
But they're not, dude.
They are and aren't. They're not doing enough, I will say. But they are the ones who like, they fix the potholes.
I wish they, I wish it would be like this. I wish it would be like this. You can choose where to put your taxes.
Yeah, but then the.
Cause if it was just like, you could, but like, it's only like a certain amount, like, once you do a certain amount in this place, then you have to pick another option. So like, say it's like, you can either give it to the government and they'll divvy it up, or you can give it to the school system, or you can give it to the, you know, public works, you know, sewage, electrical, all that.
Well, it's just some places probably just need less money than others.
Also, if you really want it, like Florida, like no income tax.
Yeah, but that's a, that's, that's, yes, they have no income tax, but they have other taxes where your money goes to. I, I just debunked this with someone that I know that.
In New York, you have every tax that exists.
Yeah, every that exists.
Yeah, oh no, no, I know.
City, state, federal.
And you're talking to someone that works in one state and lives in another, so guess who gets double buttfucked?
Ugh.
That's an intense way to put that.
Yeah, that was very intense, but I get it.
You know what I'm saying.
I think it calls for dramatics, though.
It does.
But like, you know.
Yeah. It's tough.
But somewhat, but then there would, if there wasn't that, then you'd be responsible to be like, collecting money to be like, "We gotta fix this road."
Or just go fix it yourself.
You can fix the highway?
No, no. I can't, and I won't.
Was it you who told me if you do the Adopt a Highway, you're like, responsible for that?
Not me.
That can't be true.
Yeah, you're like, you have to, I think.
I think you sponsor it, so I'm sure they're like-
Look it up.
Looking for like, you need to contribute to some, in some capacity, but like, I don't think if you adopt it, you owe them, like, you're responsible for everything.
No, I meant like, to keep it clean or something?
Then I'm, then why would I ever adopt a highway? Why would I ever be like, "Yeah, sure, let me take this part of the highway."
I don't know, I remember like, hearing something about the Adopt a Highway, and I was like, "That is a significant catch."
Also, I've spoken openly about this, having roads or bridges or tunnels named after me, I would never want, because then people hate you and curse your name without even knowing it's you, you know what I mean? Like, yes, people love George Washington, but how many people have cursed him because of the bridge?
I'm not cursing him, I, I think the bridge should go down.
Yeah, but you should be like, "Fuck the George Washington."
You're, you're right, which is-
Which part?
About the, if you adopt a highway through a volunteer program, you're responsible for agreed-upon maintenance, such as litter cleanup and sometimes landscaping.
Yeah, see?
Then why ever adopt a highway?
I have no idea.
Never in a million years will I ever do that, no.
I have no idea, like, what the point of that is, to be honest.
The big infrastructure stuff, the government will still do, but for the little things, yeah, you are responsible.
Yo, we should, we should see if they'll name 48th Street Park after us. It's named after someone.
Yeah, it's like Paul Remonda or some shit. Who the fuck is that idiot?
I couldn't tell you.
But it sounds like he's making a donation every year to keep it clean.
No, he's probably long dead.
I mean, I wouldn't know.
It would still be in a foundation.
It wasn't Paul Remonda when we were younger.
I know, it was just the park. And then it was Paul Remonda, so what if it was, it's the Joe and Frank Park.
How much are you willing to put up for that?
Nothing, they should just give it to us.
You would need last name.
That's the issue.
They would, they would, they should just give it to us because it's what I am deserved, which like that white woman was deserved, that baseball.
Full circle.
That's how you tie it back in.
Versus full circle.
Yeah, getting a plaque out of park, that would be nice. Maybe if you make a big enough donation, they'll put a plaque up.
You either need to be really like, give a lot of money or die.
In order to be named after a park?
Yeah?
I imagine, look, look it up, what, in New York, in New York City, how, how to get a park named after you. This might be a cool thing to do. The Joe and Frank, the Joe, the Joe Santagato Frank Alvarez Park of Fun.
No, not for me.
We're gonna work on the name, and also...
I think Park of, or Fun Park.
Right. You putting up zero dollars is what, like a little blemish on this idea that you have here.
I feel like you and I can both put up zero dollars, though, and we can get it done.
For what, and then what? So we're putting our names on the park and not doing anything?
Yeah. Not our job.
You have to donate money or the land.
Alright, how much money?
I have to donate the land.
If you own the land, you could subsid, substantial piece of land.
How much to get a plaque at this park?
How much to get?
I'm just thinking like, we could, if, say it's a couple hundred bucks, I'm doing it.
It's a hundred percent on a couple hundred bucks.
Why not?
Because everyone would do it.
Hmm, but you need to be someone, they need to accept your hundred dollars.
I don't think that's true.
People are gonna want...
It's a donation.
They'd be like, oh my god, Joe, like this was their park, and people would go and they'd be like, look, this is their park.
It's tough to find an exact number.
But, um, for a plaque on a park bench, ten thousand dollars.
Park bench, why? So some fucking kids could come and drink Forties on me? No thanks.
Actually, it sounds pretty cool.
What would you like? Where do you want it to be?
On the entrance of the park.
Let's see, Frank Alvarez Park.
Frank Alvarez, Joe Santagato Park of Fun.
You know, this is where they go.
They didn't contribute.
Subtext, they didn't contribute, but they contributed with the amount of fun they had at this park during their life.
That is some delusion you're living in right now.
I don't think it's a delusion. I think that it's something that I thought of and now I want it.
You're in it for recognition.
They owe it to me. I've thought of it, so now it's owed to me.
You're in it for the recognition, but you would like the park to not...
I would like to do no work.
Have no responsibility.
And be given exactly what I'm asking for.
Got it.
I don't think that's a big ask.
Yeah, I mean, I'm looking here. To get a bench or a tree named after you, it's in between five and 10,000 or sometimes more. So the whole entire park, I can't imagine it's quite a bit.
I mean, but this is a small park in Astoria.
If you could rename that park...
The Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez Park of Fun.
And that costs $10,000. Would you put $5,000 towards that?
I think there is, uh...
That's a yes or no.
I think, um, uh, sure.
Could I get my name on that?
You know what? You know what? It's never gonna happen, so, so sure. Yeah, I would.
I mean, maybe, he said. My name on there?
No, sorry. We grew up going to this park. You were never at that park with us.
Then I'll pay 5,001, get your name off it. Wow. Could happen.
You're a little snake. You're a slimy snake today.
You wanna play that game?
Oh, yeah. Go ahead, play that game with Joey. Go ahead. Look who I got in my corner, bitch.
5,001 is the problem.
Just do me a favor. Just do me a favor. If they ever offer to name that park after you, just be like, "It's us."
Who, the park department?
The New York City Department of Parks and Recreation.
They're not gonna come to me and say, "Hey, man."
How do you know, dude? We have fans everywhere. We're very kind and lucky. But like, what if they did?
Very kind.
I'd rather be named Forty-H Street Park than not Paul Raymonda, whoever that is. He's probably a nice gentleman who donated a bunch of money, but regardless.
I mean, he probably donated the money in the 70s, so he paid like $40 to get his name on the plaque. Fucking way to go.
He's not Tent Racks anymore, Paul.
Come on, Paul, give us the park.
Give us the Paul. What?
Huh? Give us the park, Paul.
Yeah. Uh, alright, well, there you have it, folks. Uh, that's all we have for this week's episode, Frank. Where can they find you?
All over the socials. You know where to find me, on the block disobeying the law, yeah. And at the Frank Albers everywhere. And then go check out the Patreon, patreon.com/thebasementyard. If you want to come to any shows, thebasementyard.com. Look for the shows, see what's available, see if you can come. And then if you're coming to any of those shows, go to thebasementyard.com/submit, baby. Submit, the exact same thing that Ant loves doing every single night.
Well, you guys can go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
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