The Basement Yard
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. What's up Frank? You know, being me, chilling, doing what I do, having one, two, two, two, the two, two. Fired. And how about you? You want to give it a go?
I think I could do anything better than that.
So? You could do anything better than that? Anything is a stretch. You can...
You could... Wow, and you also don't have ideas.
One of those.
Ooh, yeah, these?
Yeah, see?
I always wish, I always try, I try to do the best. How well do you think you can dance out of 10?
What style of dance? Now, we need to... Just you, just you, just a dance. Just like if someone were to come to me, watch me dance at a wedding and rank me as a dancer? You know what? I knew you couldn't answer this question. I, I just knew it in my heart. You as like a whole, like what you think, like how good of a dancer am I? You know? I, I think I'm a solid 7.5. Okay, what about you? I'll take 6. Whoa! I can move. Really? Yeah, a little bit. I did not expect that. Let's see it. I'm gonna give you a beat. I'm gonna give you a beat. Wait, you got hips though? Like you could throw your shit around in a cirque? I got hips. I would love to go to a wedding with you. I would love to because I feel like you would be a top tier wedding guest.
You would be hitting that bartender up though.
That final word was very important.
Yeah, so are you more bar or more dance floor? Or are you a perfect melding of the minds?
I'd like to think I'm perfect melding of the mind. I like to think I'm perfect. I go to the bar and then I'll go dance for a little bit and then when I'm like, eh, I was like, oh, I need another drink, go to the bar.
What's your, alright.
It's good.
Now, I know, I've been open and vocal about my drink, uh, approach while at a wedding. Open bar, top tier.
You just do like whiskey and soda or something, right?
Yeah, Jameson and ginger with a splash of-
All night, all night?
Penis, what is it again?
I think you knew it was-
It's not that.
Yeah, all night.
All night.
Yeah, and then-
You won't do like a beer, though?
If someone else gets it for me, I'm like, I'm not gonna be like-
See, am I crazy for thinking that with an open bar, same drink all night is criminal?
That is criminal.
I think you need to have like-
You need at least-
At least two different drinks.
I'd say at least three on an open bar.
Fine. I mean, you do like-
He does every spirit.
I do. He does beer, he does rum, he does vodka and like all that shit.
Whiskey, tequila, brandy. I've ordered-
Brandy's bananas. What are you, on the Titanic?
I've been at a wedding and ordered like-
Brandy.
Let me get your finest brandy.
The guy's like, "This is a wedding, we don't have it." What are you saying?
It was Dominic's wedding and they did have it.
Oh, well, that wedding.
They definitely had it. But like, I, I feel like you need to diversify. Diversify your portfolio, diversify your ability to be a great wedding guest.
Right.
Can I ask you a question?
Yep.
Where do you think you are for dancing?
I, I mean, I feel like I'm like probably in, like in between. I feel like we've, we've, we've ruined a dance floor before, many a time.
Yeah.
You know, um, I did famously at Greg's wedding have a gay dance off with a couple. Uh, me and Danny versus these two guys and we beat them.
Wow.
How do you-
We beat two gay guys, which is like-
High praise. How do you out-gay gay dancers, dude?
Dude, I have no idea, but I didn't, I didn't say that we won. There was, there was people who were like, "Yo, you guys killed it." And I was like, "Wow."
Oh, well, hold on.
Also, there was a lot of champagne in me. I don't even know if that was me out there.
First of all, just 'cause someone says, "You killed it," doesn't mean you won. Because like two, two, like, listen-
I mean, that's what we're saying.
Barry Bonds killed it in 2001. Was that the year?
I don't know.
He was a home run hitter. Let's be very clear about what Barry Bonds did in that year.
But he didn't-
Mr. October, not Mr. September.
No, Mr. October is somebody else.
Reggie Jackson.
But he didn't win the World Series that year. The Giants didn't win, they lost.
Um, no, it was, it was told to me, also Greg has said it multiple times, he's like, "You guys won that thing, so, I dunno."
Well, you know what? That feels like a fair, like, evaluation. If the person whose wedding it is tells you, "You won," you won. But, I'm just more curious, cuz I've seen gay men dance, and, "Wow!"
Some of them can move.
Let me tell ya.
I would, I would put myself at a seven, though. You said seven and a half?
I say seven and a half.
I would say seven, you said, "What, six point what?" Or six?
Six, six.
Six.
You know what puts me a, a bit ahead of you, and I think you would agree with this, is, when they play Spanish music, I could fake it a little bit. Like a little bachata, when they play-
Yeah, but that's cuz you're not around Spanish people.
No, even when I'm around Spanish people-
Like, you're usually around the whites. Like, Long Island whites, dude.
Yeah, first of all, Long Island whites-
So, you just gotta go like, go like this, and they're like, "Oh my god!"
Yeah, the Long Island whites are dangerous whites.
Bro, hold, sorry. I was at, uh, Gio's mom's wedding.
And, uh, "Gasolina" came on.
Bang.
Right? So now, I'm around Italian whites, right, for the most part.
So it comes on, and I just, obviously, like, I don't know the words to that song, but the beginning of it- I was just doing that, and then, I remember, I forget who it was, but someone looked at me, it was like, "Whoa!" Like, they were like, impressed that I knew the words, and I was like, "They don't know that I don't."
Well, you don't let them know that, though.
That's what I'm saying.
Here's the thing, though, Italians are like the Hispanics of Europe, so I think you're okay.
There is Spanish people out there.
Yeah, but Spain doesn't really count.
That's a big statement, for sure.
I get it, but like-
The Spanish people in Spain don't count, is what you're saying?
No, but, we're gonna move on.
Hispanic.
No, I, I think that I've been around at like parties where it's also like my father's side where it's a lot of Colombians and it's a lot of Hispanics. And like, I could get, I, I, I'm good enough to get lost in it, you know what I mean? Like, I can, you're not gonna spot me and be like, wow, he sucks.
Yeah, I can blend.
I'm, bingo, and I think that's the art of dancing is like, you need to be able to blend with whatever's on.
Blend, and then also when it's your turn to get in the middle of the cirker, cirker.
Cirker.
In the circle, don't embarrass yourself, that's all.
Listen, if a circle forms, this is not, and this is, there's no hyperbole in what I'm saying here. Top five most stressful social situations of your entire life.
Social situations.
When a circle forms.
It takes every ounce of whatever you have in your social battery, you need to let it all out. You need to be spraying your battery all over that circle.
There's other ways to say that. I also think that being like one of the outgoing people in the group, everyone looks right at you. And it's like, well, I know I'm gonna get pushed in the center of the circle.
It's a burden.
That us outgoing people are, us extroverts much bear.
It's a gift and a curse. There's no, and it's also way worse when people are pushing you, where you're like, no, no, no, no, now you look like an idiot. You gotta get in there.
Yeah, like, if, if they're pushing you, give into it.
You gotta give in. It's worse to fight.
The only time I will advocate for peer pressure, ever, is when it involves a dance circle, at a wedding, or, or event involving dancing.
Because that's when it's just like, this is your moment.
Yeah, just let it go.
Just let it go, and, you know, it doesn't need to be anything crazy. No one's asking you to sit there and fucking spit on your head.
Yeah, I don't need that.
You just need to go with it.
I would even go as far to say that if someone gets into the middle of the, of a dance circle and they're really good, that pisses me off.
This isn't for you. If you're getting in a dance circle and you're like legit breakdancing.
You can't.
You're not supposed to be there.
You shouldn't be great at dancing in the middle of a circle. You should be always kind of bad, cuz we're all kind of bad.
It should be, when you go in, it should be like a novelty, not like you're showing off.
Yeah, like, just like if you're really good at singing, you don't go to karaoke and belt one out.
You gotta be like amateur at it.
You have to, you have to understand the audience. If you're a professional dancer... And you're dancing professionally in a dance circle, people are just gonna scoff at you.
You think old drunk Aunt Margot is not gonna look at you and say, "Who the fuck does this loser think he is?"
Yeah, like, take it easy.
Or if you're really good at bull riding.
What?
That's your contribution.
What do you mean?
Don't get on the bull if you're good at bull riding. Like, at a bar.
How many times are you gonna end up in that situation where you're on a bull?
I, I think if anything-
How many professional bull riders even exist in there?
If anything, that's the one fucking exception. If you're a bull rider, show the world what you got. Because a bull riding, here's the thing with different, here's the major difference between bull riding and a dance circle at a wedding, okay? One of them is meant to embarrass people. The other is meant to celebrate them.
Bull riding. Oh, no, oh, right, yeah, yeah. Bull riding's a bad one.
Cause people are like, "Oh, go, let's see how you can get bucked off."
You know?
Bull riding is for drunk white girls.
Mm-hmm.
Which is great.
I was online to bull ride once, and the guy in front of me won shots for the whole bar, cause he did so good. I walked right off that line.
That's a smart idea.
That is a genius idea.
Walked right off that line.
You gotta get right off that.
Right off that line.
How long was he up there?
I think 20 seconds. You win the shots for the bar.
20 seconds, brother. I could buck for fucking hours at that point.
I would probably, like, I, honestly, not even drunk, I think I would be so confident that I could do 20 seconds. And, I mean, there is a chance that I fall off and get a concussion, for sure.
Well, you fall on fluffy, fluffy mat.
Yeah, but it might toss me. I don't know.
Into the stands?
Into the, yeah, into the, I don't know, the bar area, I don't know.
No, I think if they gave me, like, cause they could be dicks, they could be pieces of shit. And they could just go to like, turn it up to 11.
If you give me the, the same treatment as everybody else that's involved-
As Betsy over here.
As Betsy and drunk Margot, she came to this one, too.
Margot's crazy.
Drunk Aunt Margot. If you give us all the same treatment, you know?
20 seconds.
I could do 20 seconds.
On a real bull?
No. Real bull? Uh, no.
I wouldn't even sit front row at one of those things, I'd be so scared.
Yeah, those things are crazy. Um, I just, I think-
Imagine being a rodeo clown?
Yeah, how the hell did someone start that?
How is your job fucking with bulls?
As a clown.
Yeah, like, one, you don't need to be a clown, dude. This isn't actually a uniform. You don't need to paint your face.
Joey, Joey won't do it. I'll take it a step further. Just don't be a clown.
Well, that's what I mean. Like, you don't need to be a clown. There needs to be people there that are gonna distract this thing so they doesn't just step on the head of the guy who gets thrown off.
Well, anytime you see someone get bucked off, there are people that run out. It's like, oh, whoa, whoa!
Yeah, those are the clowns. But some of them are dressed like clowns.
Maybe it's just because other riders that are waiting to be the clown, like, the rodeo person.
No, those dudes are, are waiting to go next. They're not out, out there. You could get flipped by this fucking thing.
Wait, so a rodeo clown is just like one of the, like...
Distracts the thing after the guy falls off.
Oh, is, but do they need to be dressed like clowns, or is that just the name of the, like, is that the title of the position?
That's the whole conversation we're having. I'm saying, yes, I don't think you need to be dressed as a clown.
I thought you meant like just a clown that decided to also do the rodeo.
That's not how you get that job.
Can you look up how much rodeo clowns make?
I, I'm a little confused, and I think you understand that I'm a little confused here.
Well, yeah. I mean, they're, they're called rodeo clowns, but they're the ones that, like, when people get flipped off, they distract the bull to, like, get them away from this guy who probably broke his fucking back.
We got some estimated annual salaries between 50 and 70K. That's not bad for a rodeo clown. Dangerous, though, I imagine. Very dangerous. 70K is a rodeo clown?
Bro, also, they wear, like, knee pads, but, like, no helmets. I would be wearing a helmet.
Yeah, I'd, I'd wear, I'd wear those...
A bulletproof vest is what I would wear.
I'd wear those, like, bomb-defusing suits.
I wouldn't wear fucking knee pads.
Yeah, I mean, uh...
You're worried about this bull trampling your knees? I'm worried about my heart and lungs and fucking skull.
I think they're worried about getting sent up in the air and landing on their knees and blowing out both their knees, so...
I mean, I don't know.
That's a tough, that's a tough gig.
I guess, I guess the bulls, they, they, they, they kinda do that, you know?
Bro, you ever see a bull just flip a guy? It's fucking terrifying.
Dude, did you watch the, the most recent Jackass movie?
I've seen him get flipped by bulls so many times, I can't believe he keeps doing it.
No, I, I think that was the la- I think that literally Johnny Knoxville, that, like, was like, "That is my retirement right there." He got flipped upside down and, like, he was, like, trying to swallow his tongue. Like, he was snoring.
Oh, I did see that, yeah.
He was like, literally like.
Yeah, it's fucking terrifying, dude.
Yeah, that shit's crazy.
I'm not fucking with bulls.
I don't fuck with bulls. Back to the wedding dancing conversation, though.
Sure.
Because this actually involves both of us.
Okay.
Just, I believe I'm a 7.5.
You say you're a 7.
7?
You say you're a 6. When you got a good crew, it's like, you know when you play like Marvel Ultimate Alliance and you pick the Fantastic Four and all of their stats get like a plus 10?
I think you know.
I definitely do.
But, that might be a new one.
Alright, if you play Red Faction and you pick like all Russian tanks or some shit.
Now you've named a game even older than the last one.
It's something you know, though. Alright, if you're playing, uh, what's a-
It doesn't have to be a video game.
Alright, well, you know what I'm talking about. Like, when you and, you got a crew that you vibe with.
A rhythm.
A rhythm?
That brings your dancing abilities and your wedding dancing guest skills plus 5.
Plus 5. You and I, when we did, it was, I think, the last Top of the Hill party we went to together.
Oh, god. That was great.
Uh, Bohemian Rhapsody was on, and we performed it naturally, as we do.
I don't think that you, it could come on without us doing it.
We were so good.
A real, like, a gay man up there came up to us and said, "You sure you guys aren't gay?"
I don't remember that.
I know what you're talking about.
You know what I'm talking about.
But I don't remember that.
He said that. Our dancing and entertainment skills are so good, we cross the bounds of questionable sexuality.
Yeah, and, I mean, that seems to be a consistent, you know, because now it's also happening on the internet.
Yeah, well, I'm saying that is just based off of our talent.
Right. Uh, I'll take it.
We're such good performers, people go like, "Gotta be gay."
I'll take it. I mean, it's a compliment.
Yeah, I'm not upset by it.
Yeah, I'll take it.
A little bit of this.
Ah.
You gotta start off here.
You know, drink in hand.
I'll tell you what, boy likes to sweat at weddings.
And by boy, you mean you, boy.
You're the boy.
I am the boy.
Yeah, I'm not a sweaty boy.
No.
I'm good. I keep my, honestly, I keep my, my suit jacket on for most of the wedding.
That's crazy.
I keep it going, man.
You leave it on?
Why?
It's a good tool to use when dancing.
That, see, now that doesn't make sense.
What do you, what do you mean as a tool?
It's like a nice little, like...
Oh, you flap your shoes?
Oh, like when you're coming onto the dance floor, you're like... You throw it back like fucking Amadeus?
Something like that.
Okay, I can see that.
I do like that. I like, oh, when I have suspenders, dude, I can't keep my hands on them.
Oh, yeah, there's a suspender.
Yeah, yeah.
Here, the suspenders.
Also, there's nothing like, once I start really feeling it, then one of these?
Oh, you take them down like...
Now it's fucking game time, bitch.
Like your fucking Kurt Angle?
You go, you go full...
Exactly.
Like Kurt Angle on a dance floor?
I do. You ever see that dude on TikTok that like chops wood? And he like takes off his fucking things and that's like, yo, you know, he's about to split his fucking...
No, does he split it?
Yeah, he does, every time.
That's pretty impressive of him.
Splits it every time.
Uh, I, I, I don't go, I think, I don't need accessories, babe.
That's not a need, it's just I like it.
You know what I think makes me a better, like entertainer, dancer, guest at a wedding? Is that I go from crying to dancing. Snap of a finger.
Crying is underselling what you did at the last wedding that we were at. Frankie was, it was like they did a human sacrifice in the middle of the dance floor. Frank was weeping.
I get very emotional.
Did you, did you have any alcohol in your system at that point? Probably.
Yes, yes, we, I mean, we were drinking that whole day, but like...
Oh, so that's probably, I mean, it's a multiplier.
No, it, honestly, cause like when we got to the venue and we saw our friend and his bride seeing each other for the first time.
You did cry then.
I cried then, and I was maybe a drink deep at that point.
Um, I just, I love, I love the love that I have. And I'm so excited for the people that I love to potentially have that love.
And I get that, cause I was crying too.
There was just a very big difference.
I, it's also like different for the people, like...
Your dad.
I think your dad, who also is a very emotional guy.
Yes, he is.
Who is probably crying. I think your dad at one point was looking at you and being like, what is going on?
Cause Frank was like sucking in wind.
No, well, hold on, hold on. Bro, you were crying. Hold on. I was, you know.
That's where I was. I was.
And you were throwing your hands up like, oh my god.
I just.
It was like, yeah.
I was throwing my hands up. This was someone that I've known my entire life.
Well, yeah.
This is the two people in my life that I have known the longest in my life is you and him.
And it was emotional because again, I am seeing someone that I have spent my entire life with, basically. As, as friends, as basically a pseudo sibling. Stepping into a new.
Into a marriage.
Phase of life.
Also.
It's so fucking beautiful, dude.
Not only that, but I think what really gets it going is the fact that his brother, who was the best man.
Oh.
Is more of a reserved type of guy, like not super loud or super talkative or anything. And deliver a good speech and like was like crying through it and like that.
Bless me.
Yeah. And I could go to a wedding where I don't know anyone and if the best man starts or, or like the maid of honor starts crying in the middle of speech, I'm gonna be like.
Oh, I'll tell you. I mean, maid of honor crying, I get over that because you've heard. You've heard one maid of honor speech, you've heard them all. You know what I'm saying? There was a girl on TikTok that did it, basically summarizing all them. But it's just like, oh my god. I can't believe the girl that used to smoke cigarettes with me back in high school is now getting married.
You've heard them all. You know what I'm saying? But now I have the added layer of speaking, like the father speaking about their daughter getting married. And let me tell you.
No, no, no, no.
You know, oh god.
Bro, oh my god. I, I didn't even tell you this. But speaking of crying, I, I went down a rabbit hole of these videos.
What are the best types of holes, may I add?
Oh, I mean, what, what other vagina hole. It's pretty good. Vagina hole is fucking awesome.
Glory.
Just move on, just move on, just move on. Joey? Just move on.
My bad.
You've seen a glory hole?
I've seen a glory hole live, live, large and in public. Yeah.
J-.
What a crazy question to ask!
Yeah, mister, I'll fucking try anything.
You just said top three, it's on the podium, you're giving it bronze up there.
Yeah. Was that what we said?
I mean, I named vagina hole.
Vagina hole.
Rabbit hole.
Rabbit hole. Yeah, glory hole.
Glory hole.
And then to round out this Mount Rushmore of holes.
I guess the, uh, I would say... Blow? Booty hole. Oh.
Oh, asshole?
Blow hole?
Blow hole, that's a good hole.
Blow hole's a good, is a good hole.
That's a solid hole.
What about a...
Pee hole?
Donut hole.
Donut hole?
I said pee hole, I don't really like pee holes.
Pee holes suck, they have one purpose.
Black hole? Black hole.
Black hole, ooh, that's a...
Black hole's sun.
Won't you go? That's a good hole.
That's a great song.
Wormhole?
Wormholes scare me, black hole is better, I know you're afraid of the black holes.
Don't say that.
I...
Um, oh, I went down a rabbit hole, and it was a... It was a compilation video of people having a, like, they're in the hospital with a newborn.
Nope.
And they're telling the, like, whoever person, like, maybe their best friend, or their brother, or sister, or whatever, that they named the baby after them?
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Like this, like this.
Like this.
Dying, bro.
Yeah. Oh, man.
It's like, oh, meet whoever, it's like, what?
I saw one, and he was like, it was like, my stoic father, you know, and they named him after, and he was just like...
What? What the, what, what that's? And then lost it.
There was one where a guy, where a, there was a guy on FaceTime, and they're like, do you wanna know, uh, his name? And he's like, yeah, what's his name? And they're like, Tex, and he was like...
Yeah. And I was like, huh! I'll be honest with you, I meet a baby named Tex, a Tex, I hate that baby. Yeah, honestly, a baby named Tex? Was he working at a gas station as a baby? Come on, who is this child? Meet my child, Tex. Be like, ah, shut up. Jesus Christ. My gosh, let me see his fucking, you know... Yeah, where's his work truck? Jesus. Let me see his Yosemite Sam tattoo.
So random. Yosemite Sam tattoo? No, I've gone down those rabbit holes. I saw one that shot me in the back of the head, speaking of hole, left a hole where my fucking brain was. Okay.
It was a father giving a speech at his daughter's wedding. But twenty years prior, he had recorded a video of, like, "I'm gonna show this to you on your wedding day," one day. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. No way, dude. I had, I'm not even kidding, I did what is the equivalent of putting my phone down violently, which was... Wait, what was in the video? He's like talking to her and he's just like... Oh, he was talking to her when she was a little girl? He's, so, the video is him holding a three-year-old on his lap. Oh, not chill. And he's like, you know, "One day, you might find someone that you want to spend your life with." Oh my god. And he's like talking to her, to... Fuck that. Bro. What a bastard.
Long story short, the other day, Ruby put on like a children's wedding dress, and I have a picture of it.
I know that's getting kept. There's underwear from second grade, so I know that's getting kept. In the same sentence as my picture of my daughter? That's fair. I won't even begin to even explain where my brain has went with those pictures. Dude, that's gonna be a rough day. We're gonna have to hire someone to follow you around. I'm not even kidding, worried about, like, you've seen me at one of our friends, wha- I don't know how I'll react at your wedding. I don't know, maybe I'll be like numb at that point to the world.
What's that mean?
I don't know, but like, at one of my children's weddings.
Nah.
I don't even know, I don't even know, I don't-
I held our friend's baby recently, they have a newborn, uh, that's been home for like two weeks or something.
You bitch.
And I held the baby and I was like, "Am I gonna fucking cry right now?" And it, and like also the way that she was describing like the experience, she was like, "It was so amazing and, you know, blah blah blah." And I'm holding this baby and I'm like, "Oh my god, like, I'm gonna fucking cry." And then I didn't, but I was like, "It's coming."
I have said this-
Just slept on me for an hour.
I have said this since I had my first biological child.
When you have your first child-
Don't even.
You are going-
Podcast's over, I'm not gonna be able to fucking get through sentences with a nine.
You are gonna, you are gonna be a fucking puddle of a human being.
Uh, I, I-
You're gonna look at little-
Don't fucking give it a name.
Tex.
And Walrus, and Bingo.
Bingo?
That's what you named your child in our, our Patreon episode.
Oh, I don't remember that.
Where we did the, the reenacting the lines from the movies.
Ah, Bingo.
Bingo, that's your baby Bingo. Um, you're, it, it's gonna be, it's gonna be quite the experience.
It's gonna be a tough day for sure. Um, anyway, what were we talking about? Glory holes and now we're here, which is kinda weird. I guess the only way to-
The only, the basement you are, the only podcast where within a two-minute time, you can go from debating your favorite holes, to talking about how you're gonna react when your daughter gets married.
Right, and the only way to realistically transition out of that is to get to the end.
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I was very curious how long he can keep it going.
I was gonna, I was like, is he gonna do the whole song? That's what I was...
I don't know the name, the, first of all, the name of the whole song is just like, "I write sins, not tragedies," or some shit like that.
Whatever that means.
What the fuck is that?
It's a great song, but what are we doing?
It is a great song, and you can listen to that song coupled with the Basement Yard Patreon. If you sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes. You heard it before when I was talking about that episode where we reenacted some really awfully delivered movie lines. Well, you can watch that, as well as hundreds of other episodes, available at your convenience, dating all the way back to the very first one, to whatever comes out next week, this week, whatever. So go check it out, patreon.com/thefacementyard. Uh, we want to thank you guys for getting us to over 34,000. That's a lot of people, paid patrons. It has done so, uh, so well, and it's because you guys are giving us the love and support. And we want to make sure we're giving you more of what you like, which apparently is us. So, thank you. And, uh, listen, the Basement Yard, boys, we're on the road, dogs. Hell, yeah.
We're actually, uh, as of recording, uh, we have some shows in, uh, Phoenix and Las Vegas, and, uh, after that, we're gonna be heading to...
Ohio.
Ohio, in Ohio, six, seven, and...
Good lord.
Listen, if you want to come to any of those shows, uh, check out what is still available. If you go to thebasementyard.com, check out the show, upcoming shows, see if there are any tickets available to any shows near you, or if you want to trip, make, you know, a weekend out of it, that'd be fun, too. We'd love to have you there. The shows have been really fun. We've been having a great time, we've been getting really good at it, and, and we'd love to see you guys there. So, thank you, uh, and go check out to see if there are any tickets available at thebasementyard.com. And, if you are coming to any of those shows, you can go to thebasementyard.com/submit, okay? And you could submit responses to any questions. There's a portion of our show that we like to be interactive, and, uh, if you submit a response, that's interesting, cool, daring, spicy, whatever it may be, uh, we might pick it and talk to you, about you, with you, whatever.
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Let the good time roll. What's that song? Is that it?
There is something there, but I don't know.
Let the good time roll. Right?
The good times.
Something like that, yeah.
Is that, is that the song?
I, I think so. I don't know.
Good time roll.
I don't think we're gonna find it.
Uh, I have a question for you boys, if you want.
Oh boy, here comes an aunt question. Which, which of my famous glory holes do you want to visit first?
Okay. It's, um, so you get, you have a whole year to complete this. For every foot you lick, you get a million dollars. But you can't tell them that you get a million dollars when you lick the foot.
You're asking me how much money I would make from that?
Oh, hold on. What's, what are we counting as a lick? Is this a lick? Ugh. Or is this a lick?
Ugh. That one.
I don't give a shit if it's, I have to put my, the whole foot in my mouth. I'm making bread that year.
Well, see, now, now that's what Joey needs to be. Because you could find, what, and what is the foot?
What, what, what, what is that question?
What is the foot?
The foot.
Is it's a specific part of the foot? Can it be any part of the foot that I could lick?
So it could be the top of the foot?
It's a foot.
It doesn't need to be the bottom of the foot?
So I don't need to be licking on the bottom of the foot. I could be licking on the top of the foot.
I don't know where to go from there. I'll tell you this right now.
Wait, if I, if so, so people have two feet? Right. Is it like one foot per body, or can I do both feet? One foot per body, but your own counts. My own counts?
Oh, my own counts? There's a million.
Yeah. So how many, how much money do you think you could get?
Oh, I'm easily making seven million.
Seven? Bro, I might get fifty million.
Joey.
I'm tricking, I'm not trying to trick you.
Joey, Joey, Joey.
Everyone I know, I am licking their foot.
But, wait, do, can I tell them why I'm licking their feet?
I'm not allowed to tell them. So they just need to be like, yeah, I'm cool with you licking my feet. You'd be surprised, well, it's Joey.
Bro, it's the summer.
They'll let you lick their fucking balls. They don't care.
No one's licking balls. But in the summer, dude, at the beach? Just insane.
So, but you have to, are, is, are these consensual foot licks?
As in, I feel like you could trick them. I think that's fair.
But like, if my, if, if like-
Get me in a public pool.
Like, if, if Frank would just had his foot out, right? If Frank just had his, hell. If Frank just had his foot out, can I just walk over and lick it without saying anything to him? Yeah, why not? Okay. Yeah, no, I'm making bread that year.
I, I, I, I think I would make a good amount of money. I think I am at least walking away with 7 million though. Guaranteed. Because I have
Those are rookie numbers.
My three kids.
And Becca.
Yep. That's four.
You two. My su- Bro, you're gonna tell me you wouldn't, br- I don't even need to do-
You can't tell him!
I know. I just need to go, "Yo, I wanna lick your foot." And you'd be like, "Okay." I don't need to tell you what it's for, but you're, you're a game enough person-
Can I be like, "Yo, if you let me lick your foot, I'll give you like, a G."
Oh, oh!
No, no, you can't offer money because you're getting money. Yeah, because, yo, I-
But can I put-
I was about to say, I'm about to make a billion.
Can I put, yeah, if that's the case, then yes, I'd be, I'd be a millionaire. Well, I guess not there'd be one foot-
I think it's easier to lick my foot than it is to get him to lick his foot.
Hmm, I could guilt trip him. I- Like, I could say anything-
I need to lick your foot.
Like, "Yo, I can't tell you why, but I need to lick your foot. You'll understand in a couple of years."
I, I, I don't respond well. What? In a couple of years?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know how long I'm gonna get the money. I mean, sometimes yours is at net 30, net 50.
I mean, I would honestly just go up to people and be like, I, I would just make something up. Like, "Did you see this thing like the-"
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Like, I went to the foot doctor and they have this like, like I would just make some shit up.
He's gaslighting people into making, he's lying to them.
Literally, I mean, yes.
In that process, you'd be like, "Oh, did you see this new thing appearing on people's foot?"
And I would just lick their foot and then have them be like, "What the fuck are you doing? You're weird." And I'd be like, "Whatever. Cash." You know, like, as soon as I could get them to take their foot off, be like, "Hold on, like, there's a bone that means this and then like, it could, you know, whatever." And then I would take their sock off and I would lick any part of the foot that was close. And then I would be breaded the fuck up.
I know how, the easiest way to do this would be like, be like, "Yo, call everyone I know for a big Santa Gato Studios video." Everyone has to sit in a reclining chair and put their bare tootsies, because it's per foot. So, with you, I get two feet.
No, he said one per body.
Oh, one per body? Alright, that's fine.
Some people don't have two feet.
Call 20 of our people, friends in to be in a Santa Gato Studios video and I'm going down the line like, "Eh!"
Bro, I'm looking, I'm looking like, any, bro, anybody?
Nah, you're crazy for any foot.
Bro, any foot.
I can show you some feet. Pull up some feet. Pull up.
Oh, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna like lick a fucking, uh, like a dirty fucking foot.
All feet are in essence, dirty. So what, you're gonna tell them like, "Yo, I need you to clean your feet." And then daddy's coming down to go to lick town.
First, first of all, I will say this. Ah, nah, I get kicked out. I was gonna say I would just go to like a fucking salon.
That's what I said! I said, "Public pool." You could get away with licking-
Yeah, but you're getting kicked out and going to jail, bro. You can't lick a stranger's foot like in public like that.
You're going to a salon. What, you think there are different rules?
That's why I stopped myself. I was like, "I'm not gonna do that."
I think I could pass off of licking, a, a, a drive-by lick in a public pool better than you can in a salon.
We gotta have rules about underwater licking.
Why? Why is that, why, why are there rules on underwater licking?
Because you need to have the oils of the skin on your tongue.
You still get them. They're just diluted in the water around the oils.
That's what I mean, dilution. Now we're talking about dilution. This is not fair.
Is dilution a word?
Yeah. I think you're overestimating how many licks you're gonna get in that pool.
Send me to a Vegas pool party. Yeah, it's gross, but guess what? I'm walking out a couple million dollars richer.
Do animals count?
Hmm, that's a great point.
I think the first, like, few months, it's gonna be tough, but that last month where I'm like, oh, I only have a month left.
Bro, everyone I know, I'm calling out people I haven't talked to from high school and being like, let's chill.
Alright, honestly, what is a billion dollars? It's a million, millions, or it's a thousand millions?
It's a thousand.
A thousand, so you need a thousand feet for a billion dollars.
I can get 300 people to a wedding, I'm licking every one of those feet.
Nah, see, that's crazy.
I'm licking every foot.
I think-
People I know, I'm licking every foot.
Who's the richest person on the planet? Elon Musk? He has 450, so let's say 500 billion. So that is how many, so if a thousand feet is one billion dollars, 5,000 feet will get me to 500 billion dollars.
Frank, why are you even going this high? What's the point?
5 billion.
You're not gonna lick a thousand feet, Frank.
I did math wrong. You're right, though. So let's just say I did a thousand in a year, that's three a day?
Dude, I could lick three feet in a day.
Dude, three a day is so many feet. Three a day is a lot.
I don't need to tell the, I, you said that I just can't tell them it's for money, I can tell them it's for anything else.
So I just be like, listen, fucking OnlyFans, are you kidding me? Craigslist?
And just-
Please let me lick your feet.
First of all, you were getting mad at me, now you're going on Craigslist and being like, oh, let me-
I would vet the feet. I'd be a foot vetter.
No, dude, but I am, I'm, I'm, I'm definitely licking every foot that I know. Every foot I know is getting licked.
But how are you gonna get them to allow you?
I'll worry about that later.
Any means necessary?
And I don't even need to, they don't have to let me. They just need to be barefoot around me and I'm diving on it.
Like, I'm literally just diving on it.
How would you dive on them?
Bro, literally.
Just show me, show me how you would dive on them.
Nah, I ain't doing that. No, shit gets clipped and memed and it's too crazy now, but-
I think, if we're being honest, I think a realistic amount that I could get done in one year is-
Whatever 365 times 2 is. I think I can do 2 a day. I do, I think I can do 2 a day.
724.
That's no.
Isn't that not 724?
365 times 2.
Oh, oh, no, I think, I don't know why I said 360 fucking 2.
360 times 2 is 720.
Yeah, that's 730.
So 730.
Yeah, 730.
Times a, times a million, 730 million dollars. I could do that.
So he thinks he could get 730 million dollars. What dollar amount you think he could get? Bro, uh, I, I, I mean,
honestly, it's like my first strange foot that I lick will awaken a monster. Like, I literally will then be like, I already did it, and now everyone's getting it.
You already, you've already slept with the monster.
I mean, I'm, why put on a raincoat when you're already soaking wet? At that point, I'm licking every fucking foot I can get.
That's such a good point.
I honestly may set something up. Like a fake business about like, feet, and just have like waivers.
Here's the thing, we need to remove, we need to remove a certain part from this.
I'm making bread.
We need to remove a certain part from this. Our obvious notoriety and celebrity on the internet puts us at an advantage. Realistically, if this were an actual thing, the smartest thing to do would put, be to put out a fucking video on our social saying like, yo.
Let me lick your shit.
Let me lick your feet. Like, show up to this place once a month, or once a week, I'm gonna be in Central Park at this fucking bench.
Damn, you're gonna do it in Central Park?
Yeah, why not? I might as well look at beautiful nature while I'm sucking on toes.
Bro, I'm making a million just by licking my own foot. I mean, I would, I would rent a space, have some privacy, jeez.
Privacy? Now you want privacy? Now you have pride? You're sitting here sucking any dog that comes through your fucking...
First of all, I'm trying to make it nice for them. I would invest in like, where I'm...
You're Joe Santagato. People would jump at the opportunity to have Joe Santagato lick their feet.
First of all, I wasn't even considering any of that. I'm talking about, I would, if I, if someone came in here to fix the fucking AC, I would be like, I, I don't even know if I could actually get it done.
You wouldn't need to, though, dude. You wouldn't need to. You would put out one APB, like, yo, fucking foot alert, Central Park, and you would have...
Thousands of people right there.
How do you vet the people that already came? Now he's wasting licks.
No, I mean, you can write down, you know, get their information.
I'm not even worried about that. I'll, I'll, you literally, if I fucking like triple lick somebody, it would be worth the like.
If I got a line, bro, bro.
A million of foot bro, I'm fucking, I'm telling you right now.
You're being a poor businessman right now, and I'm a little surprised.
I'm not being a poor businessman, I'm talking about fucking numbers, dog.
If I wanted to get, if I wanted to do this, seriously, if Elon Musk came in and he was just like, alright, listen up, and he made it an actual deal, I would go on Instagram, right now, and I would say, yo, meet me in Central Park, I'm going to lick people's feet.
You wouldn't do that.
Why not?
Because you just wouldn't.
I kinda don't like the idea, but if it's for a million dollars, I'd figure it the fuck out.
So,
where does it stop, though?
After a certain amount of time, I could be like, you know what, I've done like 400 people today, I could probably chill for the year.
Actually do that. I don't believe that you actually do that, because again, you can't say why, now you're Frank from the basement yard, who set up a foot licking fucking thing in public and licked people's feet all day.
Yeah. Oh, so what? Fucking David Blaine could swallow gasoline, and fucking Criss Angel could live a whole week in a ball of ice, but I can't go into Central Park and lick a couple souls?
First of all, both David Blaine, second of all, yeah, those are very different. Because if you're licking feet, well, I mean, at that point, it doesn't matter. You don't need the podcast, you don't need the career anymore.
Exactly. If I had 700 million dollars, people could say whatever the fuck they wanted to say about me on the internet.
And they will say it.
And they do, and they will.
They will.
And so, at that point, who gives a fuck? I would have enough money to stay off social media for the rest of my life.
I would even go as far as to buying like a 30 million dollar house before I licked.
Like, after I lick my first foot, which is my own, I'm securing the house and setting a goal for myself. And I'm licking the real estate fucking agent's feet at the door. Like, everyone's getting it.
So you wanna, you wanna still establish a sense of anonymity with this? People, you want it to be a rumor that Joe Santagato's licking, licking feet?
I mean, I don't, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. I mean, I'm not gonna go out and be like, "Yo, I'm, I'm doing this." Like, I feel like I don't have to do that.
You don't have to, but if you did, you'd have all your money and you wouldn't have to do a year's worth of it. Nan, put your hand down.
You underestimate me, bro. I'll get, I'll, I'm, I'm diving at you.
For the potential at a billion dollars, Joey, I'll, I'll, I'll whore my tongue out.
Realistically, realistically, I only really need fifty people, which I could get in an afternoon, bro.
That's true.
I'm getting in my car and visiting everyone.
Yeah, but see, that's the part where you need them to kinda be on board. If not, you're gonna wrestle people to lick their feet? Then you ruin those friendships and relationships. What if?
Anyone I know who has a pool, "Yo, let's go in the pool." And I'm, I'm, I'll literally strangle them.
"Let me see your titties."
Do you think you're flexible enough to lick your own foot?
Yes. And I'm not doing it. Nice try.
I could lick my foot.
Nice try.
I would, I would need to see an attempt.
I think I could lick my own foot.
I, I mean, listen, I,
You don't actually have to do it.
I'm a little sore right now. I hit leg day a little hard yesterday. So the idea of getting my foot up to my mouth right now, might hurt.
I'm with confidence that I could.
Alright. We believe in him?
I think he could. He's pretty flexible.
Thank you.
Damn, if I couldn't lick my own foot, that would piss me off. I, I mean, I have a year. I would stretch like crazy.
Yeah, you'd be alright.
I'm getting that mill, dude.
You'd be alright.
I'm getting it.
I tried.
And I'm getting you.
Yeah, yeah, we saw what you did, Dan.
I tried, I tried.
You tried, you tried for, you, you wanna goon.
You tried to get us to lick our own foot?
Well, just to, You wanna goon.
Tried, it can't be the reputation. I tried just to see if you guys could get close, not actually lick it.
I mean, I think.
Yeah. Here we go.
Let's see it.
The easiest money I ever make in my fucking life dude.
Yeah, that's done.
Licking the shit out of my foot.
That's done. And if he can do it, I can do it. I mean, I think we-
It's not that hard.
It's not.
You could do it.
You could do it. Let's see it.
I could probably do it. Well, I'll do it if he does it.
Oh, he doesn't want to, he doesn't, yeah.
I'm just asking you to make your-
He doesn't want it now. He wants us to do it. He doesn't want us-
I'll do it if Frankie does it.
I could definitely do it.
I'll do it if you do it. I'll do it if you do it.
I mean...
Look at this. Easy.
Damn, that's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What the hell has this show become? What has it become, even? What has it become?
Guys, guess what? We're doing Madison Square Garden.
It's the dumbest thing in the world. Easiest money I ever made.
It was easier than I thought it would be.
Yeah. And I, and that's just ourselves.
Tell you what.
I'm walking out of here three million dollars richer.
So easy. And also, the lie that I use to get one of your shoes off and lick your foot is just one I'm repeating to everyone.
I think you need to, you would probably have to start, I love how we're like actually strategically figuring this out.
I would start a rumor.
I would say, no, I would say you would have to start with the most difficult person. And then, whatever you use to get them. Like, the person you should start with would be Keith. Cause-
Yeah, but Keith, like, he, I've seen him barefoot before and I'm diving on his foot. So like, I, I'm not even gonna, I'm not gonna politic with him. I'm just diving on him.
But what I'm saying is if you can figure out how to get Keith, who might be the most difficult person to get to, for, to allow you to lick his feet, then you can use the tools that you got from that interaction, that business deal, to use it on your...
Whoever. Yeah, I know.
Easier to get people.
I mean, I'm, oh, listen, I'm... I'll be fine, bro. I'll be fucking caked up. Crazy.
Well, some of us...
You know.
You know, you know what I'm saying.
Does anyone know what that means? I don't really know what that means.
You know exactly what I'm saying. Ant.
What is he saying?
Ant.
I'd like to know.
Ant. You know what I'm saying.
What does it mean?
I have no idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, ant. You know exactly what I'm saying, dude. Ant.
Also, caked up, is he saying he's gonna get a BBL with the money?
No, uh, cake is also a...
Cake is money.
Got it.
So, when, what, you know, you, you, money, money, money, money. Cake, I'm getting cake. That's, remember that song?
I do.
That was a song. Who sang that? Was it Fab?
Fifty Cent.
Oh!
No, wait.
It might have been Fab.
It might have been Lloyd Banks.
Money, money, money. I'm getting cake. I'm getting cake.
Don't say the next word.
What? That's why?
We gotta, I mean, can we confirm if this was...
I know Lloyd Banks is on the song. I just don't know if it's a Fifty Cent or Lloyd Banks song.
Uh, Lloyd Banks and Fifty Cent are on a lot of the same songs together, so it's understandable to, to, to not be able to make the distinction between the two.
Um, I think that was, that was a great contribution.
A lot of time spent in talking about, sorry.
We talked about holes, we talked about weddings, we talked about licking feet.
Yeah. I mean...
I'm licking the top of the feet, too. We can agree on that, right?
I don't give a fuck what it is. You know what I love? Wait, what if it was the same deal, but it was like, you had to let them pee on you?
Oh. Where do they have to pee on me?
Anywhere.
On my foot?
Yeah, yeah. But you gotta like, you gotta be like, yo, piss on my foot.
Yeah, but like, that's way harder to get people to do.
You think it's harder to get people to piss on your, yeah, you're right. You're right.
It's way harder.
Oh, there might be more, wait, this is a good question. Are there more feet fetish people out there, or piss freaks?
I didn't even think about the amount of people that are probably like, salivating at this.
You need to play the numbers game, Joey.
There's more, there's more feet, a hundred percent.
You sure?
Yeah. Yeah. It's like a very popular one. People are really into feet.
That doesn't make sense to me.
There's less of a stigma with that one, too, I feel. So like, that's why more people will probably feel like they can...
Do they have to, like, purposely pee on my foot?
But what you like, how are you standing by people accidentally?
Yeah, I'm saying like I'm at the urinal, like at the baseball game, I just shove my foot up there while they're pissing.
Uh, I would say that counts. That's hilarious. That's a, that's such a funny way to get it done. It's like you're next to a guy and he's peeing and you're like, oh, just on your hands real quick.
Or you can just lay in the trough that they have at baseball games and stuff like that. And you can get five pisses for the price of one.
You can do it.
There's no way I'm laying in a trough and letting five drunk dudes.
I one time put, it wasn't a piss trough, it was a sink trough. And I put my head near it. Do you remember that?
And you guys like lost your mind.
Was that at a?
It was at a bar, it was at Whiskey Brooklyn.
Oh, okay.
And I put my head near it to like wet my hair and you were like, what? I was like, yo, people aren't pissing in here, they're washing their hands.
That is fair. That whole place smelled like piss though.
It did, that is also fair. I might have honestly, if, if we were allowed to do retroactive pisses, I might already be a millionaire. I mean, I, chances are we got pissed on at those Vegas pool parties.
Well, we know you've got a million dollars from pissing on yourself.
Um.
Multiple times. Mr. Uh, hand sanitizer over there.
I have dribbled a little piss on my pants. Uh, Keith would be fucking Elon Musk.
First of all, I'd be Elon Musk.
You pee on yourself all the time?
I don't pee on myself all the time, but my penis does deceive me. And I think we're done. And I thought we were done. And then it plays a trick on me and goes, guess what?
Guess what?
Now that you're wearing gray shorts, we're not done.
Yeah, more penis. I mean piss. Not more penis. You, you, you don't have enough.
I am maxed out on penis. I'm not getting any more penis in my life.
You've tried too.
I have. Do you know that there's a thing where you can lengthen your penis by like stretching it?
I've heard of this. I can.
Well, what do you need? I look at, I look at all the dick.
I'm just agreeing.
I've heard of all the dick in the world. What do you need, dude?
I've just heard of it, I've just heard of it.
Do you think your balls or dick are more impressive?
Dick.
Fuck!
Yeah, must be nice.
Balls are digging my dick.
Just thinking about it. I know people's balls are more impressive. That's cool too.
You know some people with impressive balls?
I know one. Actually, I don't even know.
We know, we knew one.
We knew one?
We knew someone whose balls were like, whoa dude.
And they passed away? Why'd you say knew?
No, but like I haven't, I don't know what the quality of their balls is now.
Oh, you may, okay.
Something may have happened, or like balls through time, things happen.
You know, you never know.
They go up, they go down, they swing around.
The, the, the natural progression of life starts and stops with balls.
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So there's something going around the internet that a lot of people, there's been a bit of a debate, and I want to know if you guys can chime in on this. Have you seen the videos from Will Smith's concerts?
Oh, if it's AI or not?
Yeah, so the rumor, not the rumor, I guess, people are debating online if the audience is generated by AI. And listen, as someone that saw it, it does kind of look a little, like the movements of the people, it looks a little AI-like.
It's fucked that we live in a world where now this is like a thing.
Yeah, this is, I mean, this is like, you know.
To be fair, I like Will Smith.
I have no issues with Will Smith.
Me neither.
Big Daddy Will.
However, with the size of these crowds.
That's a little confusing to me. Cause he hasn't put out music in god knows how long.
Well, no, he's got the new one. I like Pretty Girls.
Yeah, he does have that one.
I, I don't want to talk shit about Will Smith, cause he'll come in here and smack the fuck out of me. Okay, which honestly might do good for numbers, so.
Yeah, that'd be great if he came and slapped the shit out of both of us.
I'd take one for the team.
I'd fucking let him here slap me and I lick his foot. Get the double, get the fucking lawsuit money and the million dollars.
I'm just saying. I, I, I don't. Is he that popular that he's on like a sold out tour?
That's the thing. I don't, I don't know. And it feels like, but it also feels like there's, it would be very dumb for a marketing team to be like, let's just AI the entire crowd. Like that feels like people can easily find out.
We can't, we can't go based off of like how dumb the logic would be because like, we, I think it has been proven that like the logic is probably really like, they're not gonna follow it. They're gonna take the dumbest, cheapest route.
Yeah, but, but people, it's easy to find out that there's not that many people at the show. Like any sort of video online that could circulate online.
There was also like young kids that like had signs like Big Will, Fresh Prince forever. That's the part that what I, if I'm gonna be really honest for a second, that's the part that I was the most confused by. It's just like.
Children.
Children with signs. Who ma, who brings signs to events nowadays? Like.
I miss signs.
I miss signs too, dude.
When people bring signs to our shows, I fucking love it. I'm like, it's like Monday Night Raw in here.
Yes, that's exactly why I like it. It feels like old school wrestling where someone would have a sign that just says like, hell yeah.
If you're coming to our shows, don't do the lazy thing where you just put up like, you know, a black screen and then text and it's like, oh, you know, bro, get a fucking.
Poster board. Also, just complete honesty and transparency, we can't see up there.
Can't.
We can't see anything.
Can see the signs though.
So like the 10 seconds at the end of the show, when we put the lights on and we take a picture, then we could see some. During the show, we can't see a goddamn thing.
I could see some signs.
Oh, I can't see shit.
If it's upper deck, I can't see.
Oh, no, I could see them if during like the first two or three rows, like one girl brought a sign to the show that was just like, Joe, let's settle this about your height.
Funny, but like, if you're past like row two or three, I'm, maybe I'm blind. I can't see a fucking thing.
It depends where you're standing on the stage.
But like, that's the part that was the most confusing is like, it's like younger fans and they're bringing signs and like, if I am going to create AI-generated content, I would try to make it look as real as possible.
Do you wanna see it?
Oh, yeah, pull it up.
Oh, we could lower that. I don't know if he's gonna copyright us.
He might. He's, he's, he's not, he's kinda petty.
We're not saying the nicest things, so.
That looks fake as hell. I'm sorry. Sorry to that little kid.
Take us back to Bel-Air? Why would anyone say that?
Like, it's just, and also they're like closing their eyes, like it's like church.
Also, that, go back to that sign. So, "Love you, Fresh Prince," right? Now, this feels like AI to me.
Because of the spelling?
Because of the spelling.
Yeah, and also.
Like, I realize it's probably, like, I think he's overseas at the moment, but like, bro, this feels AI.
It's one, yeah, it's one of those things where it's just like AI-generated cereal box and it's just like.
Check the fingers.
Is there too many fingers anywhere?
Also, it's daytime here? Is this a compilation?
I'm sure the lights are on. I, I mean.
This looks real daytime.
That looks very daytimey.
It's actually true. It does look daytimey.
Go back. There's, there's one clip earlier of like a little boy and like the way he like moves his head, I'm just like, oh, that doesn't look right. Yeah, go further back. Yeah, right there. Like, it just looks.
This?
Play it?
Like, it just looks.
Yeah, he's got a little snake action.
It looks like if you let him like for two more seconds, he would like turn into like a bowl of spaghetti. You know those like TikTok things?
That like it's AI-generated and it's people like sneezing and their whole face comes out.
Yeah, it's like a dog like barking and then it turns into a cake.
I, I, I don't wanna send out any, I wish nothing but the best for the Fresh Prince, okay? I, I imagine them.
We're just trying to myth bust this.
This one has been the most damning, according to people, because you can see just the faces that aren't properly.
Generated here. You see that?
I need to get closer. I'm pretty blind.
Yeah. You can see it. I can see it from here. There is like faces that are kind of like blurry. You ever see the ring and then the people who are gonna die in seven days?
Oh, yeah. Like this whole section. Oh, yeah, no, dude, that is the most damning evidence. This one was the most damning, online. People were making fun of this one specifically. That's also terrifying. Yeah, it's a little scary. That's like...
At the microphone, though.
Yeah, I, I, uh, yeah, that's a tough one to, to kind of... Maybe it's like...
That's terrifying.
I wouldn't be surprised if like, maybe the crowds are, are real, but when they do those zoom-ins, it's like, let's AI some of the zoom-ins with like, creative fucking...
I imagine, honestly,
I would, from what I've seen, it leads me to believe that any of the shots with signs are AI, are fake. You know, and that's just, listen, that's the world we live in now. I mean, I was, if you were not skeptical of things previously, AI is now gonna make you just like, completely, who fucking knows?
Dude, we should do that. We should do our shows and then AI the inserts of the crowd with like, the most insane signs.
Not because we got the best fans in the world, we don't need to fake shit, baby.
See, when you do stuff like that, you isolate me and make me sound like, I said a slur to my friends.
No, you obviously did it.
No, no, no, we have the best fans, and it's like, yeah, Joe, we do, me and Frank versus you, you're a scumbag.
No, no, no, I don't, if you felt that left you out for an island, give me your feet. I'll lick them, or you can lick mine, and then I will, I will apologize. I don't know, I'm trying to backtrack you.
And then we will, we will both lick ants at the same time.
No, no, no.
That, come on, I mean...
I think that was AI.
It's kinda crazy, like, Will Smith has just had several years of just like, losing.
I don't really think so.
I mean like.
I think he's more popular than we probably think. He makes a lot of content that feels like Mr. Beastie kinda. And I feel like maybe a younger generation of kids like him because of that.
I'm not, I'm not in any way celebrating the idea of him not coming out, but I think like there has been.
The slap was bad.
The slap, all the stuff that.
Hit the wife.
Allegedly, you know, like that didn't look great.
That wasn't great.
You know, a lot of the stuff with like, the I like pretty girls video came out where he's like singing in the middle of London and like people are just like, they don't give a fuck. You know, like, uh, listen, we're 90s, early 2000s kids. To us, Will Smith is a god. I fucking love him.
He's an untouchable icon.
He really, really is. For the, you know, for the longest time, he had the record for like, like the most earnings of like a summer box office of an actor of all time.
Bro, he's got hits.
Bangers.
Do you know how many TikTok followers he has?
Uh, like a hundred million?
Is it?
It's like 80 million.
Good. I mean, he's Will Smith. He's an icon. I'm just saying.
We don't know how many of those are bought.
This doesn't, this doesn't look good.
If I'm his publicist, I'm.
One thing that I think we need to remember is that when you are Will Smith, right? You don't do any of this. These are decisions that are made that are not, you're not making them.
So them making the decision to be like, we'll use AI and we'll go, he's not having a conversation with the marketing team being like, let's fake the whole thing.
Yeah, but there's also, there is a degree of it that is
transplanted over to him because it is in representation of his image.
No, of course.
And his likeness.
But I'm saying people are like, oh, Will Smith is like, why is he doing that? It's like, there's a very high possibility that it just happened and he was like, what the fuck?
Yeah, absolutely. But I think that it still doesn't look great for him.
No, it doesn't. But I'm just saying, I think people like, they get a little confused that they're like, all these things are like him doing it and blah, blah, blah. It's like, there's a team of people that work for Will Smith and run all his social and make all those clips and he probably doesn't even post them. They get posted.
Oh yeah. I mean, I can imagine that someone is running all of his socials. Like he is not doing any of this.
He probably is not even gonna know that there is this controversy until like three days from now.
I mean, I think in today's world.
He'll know quickly.
Pretty unlikely.
But you know, what I'm saying, like, it's not him making the video, like, he's at home AI-ing his own shit, like, come on.
No, yeah, he didn't make it, but that's like, you know, if there were a San Agato Studios video that came out of one of us dressed up up as like a member of the SS, like, it would look really bad on you, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, it would. Um, but there are things that happen in videos that I don't know and they go out, like, for instance, Ant just mumbling songs at the end of videos, remember that was a thing for a bit?
I used to watch all of them and I loved them.
The last two haven't had that.
You have, you stopped doing that?
Well, during, I didn't have my usual setup. I'll bring it back.
When was the last time you did it?
Like, two episodes, two videos ago.
Oh, wow, so you're still doing it?
Yeah, I've been doing it for a while.
Yeah, like, like, and like, a while, like, back in the old studio?
Well, like, I
I didn't know that they didn't know.
I had no idea.
I didn't know that.
I hit you that day that I found out, I was like, what the fuck is this?
Yeah, because they, like, copyrighted.
Yeah, they copyrighted what we usually use and I went.
The only reason why I knew was because I went, because I think you said there is a, like, post-credits thing, so I went to that and then I was like, wait, what the hell?
And then I'm like, and then I watched another one and I'm like, is he just fucking doing this? Like, what is this?
Hey, man, little, little, like, it's like, you're like Hitchcock, okay? You put your little, like, your trademark in movies, you know, Quentin Tarantino has feet, Hitchcock has his little cameos, Ant has singing at the end of the videos.
We're back at feet, Quentin Tarantino. That is his, that, that and the N-word, he loves, those are his movies.
Those are oddly enough the two things he decided to be really into.
Feet and the R-R.
Like, uh, recently, I was like, there was like a compilation of, like, Quentin Tarantino foot things and like, I was like, alright, like, but then there was one that I was like, this is fucking weird. It was from, uh, have you ever seen From Dust Till Dawn?
That's the best one.
That's the worst one, like, the worst offender, where he, it's like, a video of, like, Salma Hayek, she's like an exotic dancer, and she pours tequila down her leg and like, someone sucks it off her feet, and it's Quentin Tarantino.
Nice.
Like, but like, you could've got anyone to do that, dude.
You know, like-
I mean, he wrote the script, probably from that point out. You know what I mean? He's like, "I know this is gonna happen."
Just like figuring out, like they say, like Adam Sandler writes movies just to get his friends on vacation. Like Quentin Tarantino writes movies just to suck feet.
Yeah, just get a foot going. You know what I mean?
Strange. It is strange.
It is, but it's, it's something that's popular and I'm telling you right now, I'd walk away with a big fat bag if I was-
Oh yeah, daddy, daddy's gonna be a big time millionaire after that.
Yeah. Is there a point where you stop and you go, "Alright, I've licked enough"? I'm getting sick a lot that year, probably.
Honestly, I think a billion dollars.
Frankie.
That's a thousand feet.
Yeah, I'm stopping way before that.
I mean, I think a thousand-
If you licked a hundred feet, you'd be like, "Yo, I gotta lick, I gotta go out and lick more."
I mean, I think there would probably be like a, a, and, and, a, a, a conversation with myself and my pride and just be like, "You've already done a hundred, what's another hundred?"
It's about the, why do you need to keep going?
Cause you can.
Also, do you get it as you lick it? We're back.
Yeah, oh yeah, we're right back to it.
If I get it as I lick it, like I lick it, bang, it appears in my bank account, it would be hard to move forward.
Like, I would get to a hundred and be like, "Bro, I'm chill."
If it was like you only get it at the end of the year.
Yeah, you would need the total sum at the end of the year.
Then I'd probably, I would probably li- end up licking more feet at that point because then I wouldn't know how much I really have.
I'd be like, "I'm just gonna send it for a year and just fucking..."
I feel like once I ran out of my close friends and family-
I think I was gonna say saliva, dude.
Yeah, that's, that too. It would start getting hard to keep going, I think. Once I saw 200 million, like, at the end of the year, I'm like, "You know what?"
200 is bananas, dude.
Also, am I keeping track or is someone keeping track for me? Do I need someone-
The powers that be.
The powers that be. So like, is someone gonna be with me, like, watching me lick feet and like, tell me like, "That's a good lick"? Do I get extra for double licks?
One lick, one foot?
Yep. And it would be tough if you had to like, give your own proof, like you had to take a picture of it. That makes it harder.
Yeah, no.
So then, if I do that, though, do I get more money?
I can't show work.
Same amount of money.
You're not sque- you're getting a million a foot, you trying to get more dollars out of this?
Hey, man, this capitalism at its finest.
Guys, pigs.
Pigs?
Money hungry, greedy pigs, foot pigs.
You're not allowed to call me Hispanic man a pig. Not again.
Not again?
Oh, man. Remember that day we just kept calling each other fatso or some- or fat ass?
Fat ass?
Oh, my god.
Yo, I-
Fat ass needs to come back.
That clip of us talking about Benjamin Franklin is so fucking funny. Because I'm just like, you were saying like, you think he has a big dick? I was just like, oh, because he's a fat ass.
Bro, fat ass?
Fatso is good too.
Fatso is so good.
So good.
Someone just being like, what are you doing, fatso? I think my brother called me that once. I lost my mind.
Fatso is so good because it's so like meant to also just be extra disrespectful.
Like it's a nickname for being so-
Yeah, like somewhat like other people also call you that. Like it's a part of your identity now. Like-
Fatso.
Fat ass is conditional. Fatso, it's who you are forever.
If someone, if, if I was like, you know, like I cut someone off or something and they got next to me or screaming at me and called me a fat ass, that might, that might make my day.
Yeah, I mean, no, it would not. You would be upset.
I think knowing you, I think in the moment you'd be upset. Hindsight, you'd be like, that was really good.
Called me a fat ass.
That was really, really good. I always think back to like,
I think it was Burt Kreischer told a story of like someone cut him off, like getting off like the highway in LA. And he like got next to them and rolled the window down. And he was just like, have fun with your fat ass mom. And it was like the guy's wife or something.
It's fucked up.
But like, the idea that like that's just gonna like, it's just such a simple like fatso, fat ass.
Calling your friends fat ass and fatso is, is fine. Calling strangers fatso, women fatso, it's crazy.
Yeah, we're not, don't do it with women.
Yeah, no. But call it, calling your friends fat ass.
Ah, yeah. Your male friends fat ass is really good.
Yeah. Unless they're actually like- Too big, then don't do it.
Unless they're, they're into those types of jokes.
Yeah, also.
They'll find things about you.
Depend- yeah, be prepared.
Alright Baldi. Whoa! Whoa! Taking it so seriously. Jesus Christ! What are we doing here? You know? You Spanish pig?
Swine.
Swine is such a crazy-
I think we're finding that-
Swine is a slur.
Yeah, hundred percent.
To pigs.
Um, to anyone.
Yeah, I'm saying like, but it's like, it's meant to mean pigs, right? Swine?
Like a, like a mad, like evil pig. No, I think swine is just like the classification of pigs.
That's what I mean.
Cause not all, not all swine are pigs, frogs and toads.
I think that all pigs may be swine.
No, because then you have pigs, then you have hogs.
Is swi- is swine just kind of like?
I think a hog is not a pig.
It just means a domestic pig or hog.
So, exactly, so they're different, so daddy's right!
No, it says pig or hog.
Daddy figured it out.
He just said-
Daddy.
Swine and pigs, I mean, pigs and, and-
Hogs.
Hogs are swine.
Yes, but I said, I was like, not all pigs are-
Swine. That's not what you said.
What did I say? I made sense when I said it.
I know, but you're not paying attention.
You're right, I'm not, so I guess I lose.
It was-
But yeah, no, swine.
It feels like a slur though.
We are coming to a place where the simplicity behind, uh, an insult is coming back. You know, like dumbass is kind of fun now.
Dumbass is so good.
Like someone recently, like-
Dumbass.
In some context, it was just like, are you stupid? And it was just like, it was perfect.
I'm a big fan of jerk. Like, you're being a fucking jerk.
No, cause jerk feels- Jerk feels too like-
It's sharp, I like it.
I just hate how like, in like, movies or TV today, it'll be like, alright, we're gonna write an insult, like a foul-mouthed kid is trying to insult their friend, and they're just like, alright, listen up, uh, nard knuckle, you know? Alright, listen up dick trickle, and it's like- Just, like, just go back to it, you know what I mean? Like, fucking, what's her name? From Ozark. Love to do that shit. Obviously, it was written for her, but the character of, uh, like, what was her name? Ruth?
Where she was just like, "All right, listen up, cock bitch! I'm gonna tell you something, little shit fart!"
Like, you know?
I'd rather go back to the classic.
And just go back to asshole.
Yeah. Dumbass is funny. I never liked moron.
Fucking fat ass.
Fucking jerk.
Indecent.
You fucking idiot!
Idiot's good. Idiot's good, but the face goes with idiot. Like, a, like, a good, just, plain old fatso.
You know, fatso, phew, laying it on so good, it's so good. You know what's better than, uh, like, are, I, I love, "Are you an idiot?" Like, now I'm asking you.
I just love that, like-
It's a rhetorical.
I just love that, like, when something is so dumb, you're just like, "That's so stupid."
You're a fucking idiot.
Ah! Anyway. That's how we're gonna end that, folks. Uh, yeah. Uh, you go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. And, uh, yeah, that is all. See you guys next time.
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