The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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14,907 words · 3 speakers
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Welcome back to the ba-
Welcome back to the basement yard. What are you thinking about so pensively over there?
I'm doing my, I'm doing my like, I'm thinking, like I've, I'm, I don't know. I'm not, I'm not really sure.
Okay.
That's like the thing that like people do now to be cool, to be like, oh wow, that person's thinking. Like remember when we were younger, it was like this, and now it's-
Who's this? Who's that guy?
That's the thinker.
Is he Greek?
I think he, he's either Greek or Roman.
Is he Greek? Greek is, I mean back then-
How do you, what's, back then, Greek and Roman-
It's the same thing to me!
What's the difference? One gets fucked in the butt, the other does the butt fucking. Too, too hot for the start?
I don't, we're in the, in the beginning of the episode! I don't know that you can start with that.
Alright, let's, alright, so let's back up.
One enjoys anal.
Take all this out.
Just go back, just go back. Let's do the rewind.
Take that out as well, thank you so much.
Alright. What's the difference between the ancient Romans and the ancient Greeks? One enjoys receiving anal, one enjoys giving it.
Oh, I, I thought you were gonna say something completely different?
Oh, no, no, no, I just-
You just cleaned it up?
I cleaned it up a little bit. You know, I cleaned it up, because anal could be a messy topic.
I like that.
You see what I did in there?
No, I think-
You're talking about poop.
Because of, yeah, because of butts. Because of butts.
Right.
You know?
You wanna go to the Colosseum?
Oh.
Should we go?
I mean, I don't, it's just an old, but, I mean, maybe, but I wanna walk amongst where the gladiators were. I don't wanna be in the seats where the fucking normies were.
Whoa.
I feel like you could.
Do they know who we are?
Yeah.
Do they even know who are the-
The Romans?
Let's do a show at the Colosseum.
It's in ruins.
Doesn't mean, people walk the stands, doesn't mean they can't sit there for a show.
We're not doing a show at the Colosseum.
That would be cool, though.
Would it?
Oh, the walls to touch there.
I would have to, yeah, I'm surprised you wouldn't like to do that.
Well, that's why I think-
You wouldn't, if we into the- If we went to the pyramids, you wouldn't wanna go in?
No.
Go in?
No!
Watch the inside of a pyramid!
No, no, no, I'm fine touching the outside, you know, I'm cool with the outside walls. Here's the issue with the pyramids.
I've seen too many movies about mummies, I've seen, like, I can just mumble, we stumble and mumble a lot over our words, we fall over our words.
You know, I just saw the clip of you trying to say "much oxygen", and it took you a couple minutes.
Much oxygen.
Think about, if you stumble over your words in the pyramids, you might be like, releasing emotep, you know what I'm saying? You don't know what you're doing out there. You just gotta be careful, and I think that-
I'm all worried about the beetles.
Those are not real.
I know, but there's a lot of, like, why are they in every movie? There has to be some truth to the fact that there's pyramid beetles.
I'm sure there are pyramid beetles,
but I don't think they like, dig under your skin and you could see them crawling up your arms and stuff like that.
Oh, no, that, I'm not worried about them digging, I'm worried about like, wings, ew.
Oh, why?
Like a, like, not a, like a, a beetle's wings?
Like, they open their back and then you see like-
Yeah, like.
It sounds like a hell guy. I always think of A Bug's Life. Remember that scene in A Bug's Life?
Yes.
Love that.
I do. That's a great movie.
You know what's crazy? We found a beetle the other day at the lake and Miles opened its back shell and he's like, "It has wings." And I was like, "That felt..."
Bro, I thought that you were gonna say he opened the wings and went, "It's a girl."
No, no, no, no, no. Like, it felt when he did that. I was, I said to him, I was just like, "Don't do that. That seems invasive."
Yeah, like ass.
It was dead.
It was a dead beetle?
It was a dead beetle.
Oh, I mean.
Which, you know.
One last dead beetle. I don't care.
Yeah, well, be, be nice.
Do we need beetles? The Earth, do we need a beetle?
I mean, you never know. They could Borg. They could beetle into Borgs. They could beetle Borg.
I knew you were gonna make this about cartoons.
I'm not gonna talk too much, and it was live action, by the way.
It was.
It was live action.
Was that the one with the purple guy?
Am I allowed to talk about this?
What?
Am I allowed to talk about this because?
You're gonna start naming years?
I mean, I mean, if you want me to talk about 1997, no, you don't want me to talk about 1997.
That's the one with the blue Elvis guy, right?
Yes, his name was Flabber.
That was his name?
Yeah, Flabber the Ghost, you know?
Horrible name.
But, I, I mean, I know recently we spoke about Small Soldiers and people were just like, "Meh, maybe don't talk about so much about Small Soldiers."
Well, the thing is, we didn't talk about Small Soldiers, okay? One of us talked about it forever.
We, this is a conversation.
It wasn't.
Guilty by a soesh, babe.
Go back and watch. That wasn't a conversation.
I, I, it disappeared off my radar. I don't know where it is, you know? But yes, Beetle Borgs was a great show.
Is that the one with the girl will crack her knuckles and then turn into something?
Yeah, they each had like superpowers. And one was just like, he could do like, you know, like, wait, was she the, yeah, I think she was a strong one. One of them could move stuff with his mind and one of them was really fast.
Which one would you wanna be?
Strong.
Really strong?
Oh!
Wait, he could move stuff with his mind?
Yeah, but like, what's the, what is, you know, that's a great question. All right, Joe. Super speed, telekinesis, super strength.
Is telekinesis like, I can re- under- here?
You could kinesis with your tala. Yes.
I know, I could, but I, that's your thoughts?
Yes, like, I can go like this, because this is, this is the universal for using your mind.
Exactly.
You know, I mean, how many people have we seen do this?
I know.
You go like this and you could lift up anything. But I don't know about anything.
Can I read minds?
That's telepathy.
Yeah. I didn't know if telekinesis was like the umbrella term for all the telas.
No, the kinesis is moving something. The pathy is like the mind, yeah, the pathy.
Thoughts.
Uh, but like, so, oh, that's a good question because here's the thing, the strength, you can lift a bunch of stuff, but you have to physically get up and do it.
Yeah, with the, I mean, I would definitely wouldn't pick that one because I would just pick toe, uh, uh, toe, is it telekinesis?
Yeah, but you won't be able to lift as much.
Why not?
Let's say with your, let's see, I'm, I'm putting the perimeters on the question here. Ant's not here, so he can't do it.
Yeah, Ant's not here.
Ant's not here.
Oh, you want to know where he is? You guys are like, oh, what happened to Ant? Ant came, were you not giving him any? He's at the Rainforest Cafe having Corona Rita's. He sent me a fucking picture. He's fired.
Yeah, by the way.
For a little bit.
And by the way, having Corona Rita's is an understatement. He is downing those bitches.
There's four.
Um, but like telekinesis, you could only lift, lift up to your body weight. And strength, you can lift 10 times your body weight.
Which is still not that much.
I was gonna say, that's like.
It's still not that much, so you'd only be able to lift 100, uh, 1,000 pounds.
What is it, 10?
The joke is you're 100 pounds and you're five foot one.
Okay, now, now I'm understanding. Um.
Was it super speed? The fuck am I gonna do with that?
Um.
Super speed, win a race, who cares?
I mean, you could go to one of our shows and be back that night.
That fast?
Uh, super speed. The speed is super.
Holy shit, I'm taking that.
That's super, that's speed, that's super.
I'm taking that.
Yeah?
Yeah. You completely cut out travel. That's insane.
Yeah, but with super speed comes super metabolism, which means you need to eat all the time.
Wait, why do you keep adding stuff?
That's me. I'm the adder.
You, I mean, you're, you're, you're, you know, making me go pick one. Which one am I supposed to pick?
I'm giving you plus and minuses to each and every single one, Joey. So there's, there's, there's different.
You know what? Fuck that. I'm taking the speed anyway. I get to eat more?
Yeah, I, I think I might take the speed too.
Fuck that.
Because here's the thing, with like super strength, like.
Cool.
What am I gonna do with it?
Just walk around?
What am I gonna do? Yeah, what am I gonna do? Like, I mean, you know, maybe in like, a severe emergency, but hopefully that never happens.
Telekinesis could be cool, but also like, I would just become a lazy fat bastard.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
So, I'm with you on the speed, though.
Yeah, I would probably do that.
And then you could go from just you to one of the three typical average kids that found a haunted mansion. And just like that, you're free to go, who made you a beetle bork?
Is that the song?
That's the entrance, yeah, the opening song.
Got it.
You know, I, I... I really wish I would, I could give you homework to go and watch something and you can come back and report on it.
Or you can enjoy the things that you enjoy and I enjoy the things that I enjoy, and then we share them on the show?
No, because part of enjoying, part of enjoying something is to be able to-
Is jamming it down other people's throats.
Jamming is a strong word. It is just simply introducing it to your throat and then allowing you to swallow at your leisure.
To, uh, can I make one request? Can you, uh, just pick up the phone?
Take that out, if my dad sees it, he's gonna kill me.
But, um, yeah, so, back to what I was saying. This is like, the new thing for thinking.
Oh, we're going all the way back.
We're going all the way, because this is what like, Elon Musk does when he sits down and he, and then he says something that has no basis for truth. Where he's just like,
"Society is going to collapse because of soy." You know, like, he says something like that.
Right, yeah.
So, but that was the old one. That was the old thinking one, like, "Oh, okay."
Or this. I like to tap my lips.
You know who does that? Uh, Ruby.
She taps her lips as she thinks?
Yeah, she goes like this, because she'll, because like, I would do it jokingly to her.
I would like, she has her little blankie, called Cozy, and I'll put it on my head, and I'll be like, "Ruby, I can't find Cozy anywhere." Hmm. So now, she does that to play around. She'll be like, "Hmm." And it's very, very cute, but, so we have the tapping.
Yep.
We have the chin stroking.
Yeah. Ooh, if I had like, a beard, dude, a little bit of this. Thinking with my beard? Hell yeah.
Uh, I mean, you need like, a-
How do you think?
You just get real tight?
I get tight, I get tight, I'm just like...
You bite your tongue, you bite anything? I feel like I'd bite my lip a little when I think.
You know what I notice? I do this.
I go, I go underbite.
Ant does that.
I don't, no.
Ninety percent of the time, he's like this.
Well, no, no, no, I'm not doing this. I'm going underbite up. I'm going...
You do, oh, you give yourself an underbite?
I go underbite, you know?
Is that how you think? How do I think? I think I just think like, like, I kinda like, I just like, just stare into space like an idiot.
And also sometimes think that I think like a fucking, like, what you would expect an android in a movie to think. I'm like...
You know, like my body...
Oh, you're kinda looking all over the place, like you're doing math?
And then like, in the background, you would see like, remember in The Hangover where it's just like, you see like, 3X squared plus 4, you know?
And all you're doing is trying to figure out...
All I'm doing is trying to figure out...
Like a director's name from the 80s that's gonna serve no purpose on this show. I get it.
Yeah, yeah, well, it could and might, but...
It could and might, we don't know.
But...
Speaking of beetle borgs and robots and, what'd you just say? Droids?
Did I say droids?
I think you did say droids.
I don't think I said droids at all.
It feels like a frank word. But there are droids, uh, being created in China. I said a soft C.
Well, I, here's what's gonna be really interesting.
We talked, we started off talking about buttfucking.
And now we brought up China. What is gonna be a hotter word to drive people away from this episode?
Uh, buttfucking.
I think so. What's more universally liked? Buttfucking or China?
I don't have an answer to that question. I'm, questioning? I just said questioning. I don't have an answer to that questioning! Um, but China, I think in Chi, yes, Chinese, the scientists create, are creating and like have it in beta, these like robots that apparently can, uh, have like a baby, like birth a baby. Or like, what's it called?
Like a robot baby?
No, not a robot baby. Like, it's like a, it like does the pregnancy, like a surrogacy.
Yeah, so it's like, oh, we just take the jizz, we put it in the robot, and the robot holds it.
Huh, interesting.
That's how you think, baby.
That's, oh, look at me tapping my cheek.
I would be very into this if I could watch, if there was a window and I could watch it grow.
Well, it's just like slushy, slushy in there.
To begin with, yeah, it's probably disgusting, gross.
I mean.
The, the, in Men in Black.
This is interesting.
In Men in Black, the first one.
I'm listening.
Where like, the dude's inside the, when Tommy Lee Jones is inside the alien?
Oh, that was yucky.
That's what I imagine it's like being in a, being a fetus.
And then he shoots his way out, right?
He finds his gun and he shoots his way out.
That movie is a fucking, like, sensory overload. When's the last time you watched that movie? There's like bitings and like, there's just slime and goopies everywhere.
That one dude freaks me out, duh.
I'm a, I'm a rat, rat, rat. Dude, that's Vincent D'Onofrio. Can't park here. That's Vincent D'Onofrio, isn't that crazy?
Yeah, that's Kingpin, baby. That's, that's Gomer Pyle.
Good for him, man.
You know, that's, that's Private Pyle.
That guy freaks me out. Also, whatever I just did, I think I just like.
I'm a, I'm a molester. Yeah, you know, that's pretty good, I'm pretty surprised. We should be that for Halloween. I'll be him and you be Will Smith. I know how bad you've been looking for a Halloween costume.
Frank, I can't be Will Smith for a reason.
There's a big reason that I can't.
Uh, ah, the mustache. You would never cut just your mustache.
No, it starts with S and ends in kid color, alright? So I can't do that. Can't do it. Um, but, I could be Tommy Lee Jones.
Well, you just have to be Agent K. He's K, right?
Agent K.
You have to be like this, you know?
I think, uh, we're kind of, here's the thing, as non-child caring.
Cisgendered, heterosexuals, white.
You know, uh, of, uh, like, doing well for ourselves financially, males.
Males. Beta, alpha, I was gonna say beta.
Alpha, alpha, alpha cucks.
Alpha?
Is that it? We're not beta cucks? We're not cucks! Just make that very clear.
Alpha cucks?
But are we?
So, I, I, I don't know, something with Greek.
Someone's gonna yell at us on comments somewhere, everything that we are.
Snowflake, fuck.
Well, I mean, sure, yeah, we are, we are liberal-minded, snowflakes.
And, and some corners of the, of the internet secretly gay.
Yup.
So that, now, how many things can we possibly have at once?
So we're, we're, we're...
Let's go over the list here.
So hetero.
Hetero, cisgendered. Male.
White.
Which, you know, I guess, I, I guess by proxy, I'm, I'm, I'm part of the white now.
You are white.
I think, uh, I think by definition I am and not.
What do you put on papers?
Latino.
Okay, so you're Latino.
Cause there's, it says nationality and then it says race.
So wait, I think we're more white though, cause I'm white.
I'm fifty percent.
In like a paint bucket?
I'm fifty percent Colombian.
That's what I mean, so if we put us in a paint bucket and we twirled it around, it'd be more white.
Hell no, you'd be more of a cream.
Bro, you put a single drop of a color in white and it becomes that color.
My point is...
White is such a, like, a little whiny bitch.
Hey, watch it.
You are, you guys are little whiny bitches.
I'm telling my grandma, I have to tell someone.
Well, you can't, guess what?
I know, I can't tell her.
You can't tell her.
I could tell her when I pray tonight, dumbass.
You're praying?
I don't know.
And so you're a god-loving, white, cisgendered, hetero?
What does that mean, by the way? I'm a god-fearing man.
Well, because I think like you're supposed to fear.
Fear God?
What's the line between fear and respect? This is what happens when Ant's not here, we get all over the place.
Dude, I, I don't think we've stayed on...
Not that he reels us in, cause he would contribute.
We haven't stayed on a topic for four seconds.
Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter, he would contribute something that's like just completely nuts, where he would just be like, have you guys ever, like, sucked?
Yeah, slapped your friends' balls?
Yeah, slapped your friends' balls because it was hurting them.
Um...
Cause it was hurting them?
So, so yeah, so we're, I guess I'm by, guilty by association.
Yeah, you're white.
Hetero, cisgendered, of a, of a higher tax bracket.
Uh, uh, uh, uh...
Liberal snowflake.
Liberal snowflake. Uh.
Secretly closeted gay?
Secretly closeted gay. Uh, there's so much, I mean, you could probably throw at us.
Wait, why do we bring this up?
Millennials, we're millennials. Oh, people hate that.
You know, socialists.
Harvey socialists.
I don't know. I'm just throwing trigger words out now at this point.
Socialists.
You know, AOC loving. Like, uh-oh. There goes half of our audience.
Democrat.
So, we're, you know.
Why do we bring that up?
Because I was just gonna say, like, how do we talk about this? Because, like, we don't carry children.
So, like, I'm sure there is a group of women that are just like, oh, that's nice. Or I shouldn't even say women, because that isolates. See me? There's that, there's that Libby boy.
Someone blow his head off with a gun. I can't believe you said that.
People that are able, child.
Bearing.
Child carrying able.
That doesn't even sound like a sentence.
Individuals, however they choose to identify, that are able to bear, carry children.
It's getting confusing, guys. Come on.
No, I know what you're saying.
Like, they might be like, oh, this is, this is cool, but then also, from someone that shares their life with a hetero white devil. No, like, for someone that shares a life with a woman that has bear, that has carried three children.
She's bared them.
And bared them.
She's done a ton of, like, with them.
She bears them, you barely do anything.
Fuck you.
But like, I'm, I, I think the argument she would be made, that she would make too, is just like, that's also kind of, like, there's a, there's a magic and beauty to carrying the children.
Of course.
You know, and like.
Think about what a robot kid would come out like.
Well, it would, would it be a robot kid or a human kid?
It would be a human kid, but I'm saying, like, you know, even, even women who choose to do surrogacy in, like, another woman, there's a, there's a human aspect.
Sure.
To that.
You get rid of that completely, and it's just, you know, wires and hooks and.
Wires.
And other hooks.
I mean, listen, there's certain things about women you can't replicate on a robot, right? All right, what are you talking about?
A vagina.
Oh, yeah. No, I mean, you could put a vagina on a robot.
Yeah, but not a.
It ain't the same, though.
It ain't the same, baby.
It ain't the same.
You could put, you could put a Ferrari engine in an Audi and what's going on? You know what I'm saying?
I don't know either.
I don't know who makes the engines, to be fair.
Yeah, it's the Germans.
Yeah, someone. Yeah.
No, we're good now, we're good.
Stupid episode.
We're good, we're good, we're good.
But, the, the, the Chinese
pregnancy robot.
What do we think retail that would go for?
Oh, I mean, a cow.
It's, it's bread.
It's, I mean, if we're, if we're doing to the American dollar, which, what is the, they got, what do they got over there? Yen? Or is that Japan?
I know that Japan has it.
What's the dollar, what's the currency in China?
What is the currency in China?
Which, listen, we can make a ton of arguments about the...
Man, I really wish I knew how to pronounce that.
We can make a ton of arguments about the effects that Donald Trump has had on our world. I will never say China the same, ever again.
What is it?
It's a CNY. It's a Chinese...
Come on. You don't wanna, you don't wanna?
Well, I just don't know how to say them, but it translates to the people's currency.
Okay, that's, that's a weird...
These are the people's currency.
Okay, so whatever the Chinese currency is.
What's that to the dollar?
How much is a surrogacy, do you think?
Uh, surrogacies can get up there, buddy. They could be in the, the tens of thousands of dollars. I would say they could start at like thirty to forty, right?
Really?
It's like a hundred to two hundred.
Wow.
You're asking someone to carry a baby.
That's a lot. Yeah, I guess, you know, we've been very, we consider ourselves very lucky that we were able to have three healthy, young, beautiful children.
So it's not something I've looked into.
Right. Yeah.
So if a surrogacy for human is a hundred to two hundred.
The robot, the robot's gonna be more.
But, would it be more? Because then what would entice people to use the robot over the person?
I think that there's just, it, I don't know.
Listen, let me put on, let me take off my hat and put on my Chinese business hat.
It would be seven hundred and eighteen thousand...
People's currency.
But what is that, American?
Hundred thousand.
For what? Is it robot, uh, surrogacy?
Uh, just for a surrogacy is that.
Hmm. Wait, the dollar doing okay over there? Could we go, could we go shopping in China?
I don't, I don't know. I mean, China's like an expensive place, from what I gather.
Interesting. Uh, I would say, if, if, if I have my Chinese business hat on.
I would say, that they should price it a little more expensive, but not too much more expensive than what surrogacy is.
Because
what's the, well, like, you want it to be competitive. You could do with fucking, all these like, big tech companies, like fucking Netflix. Listen, Chinese robots, listen to Netflix.
Oh, you're talking straight to the robots?
Oh yeah, now we're in.
Oh, you're trying to form a union?
I'm, uh, no.
I don't want them to talk. I'm just trying to talk to them through me. Don't talk to Netflix.
Start low, and then through time, every year, just increase. That's what Netflix did. Netflix was like, yo, it's ten dollars a month, it's, it's, it's better than cable, we have everything. And it's been ten years, and they're like, we have nothing.
Mm-hmm.
We have our own programming, you best believe you're gonna watch, you know, s- season eight of fucking, you know, I don't know what the hell is on there anymore. And it's now three, it's, it's forty bucks a month.
Is it?
Netflix is up there now. To get like, ad-free,
multiple people can use your thing, it's gotta be at least thirty bucks.
Bro, I, the only thing I've bought ever is Hulu. Everything else I have from other people.
You say that now, until they're gonna getcha. Getcha. How do you still have Netflix? Someone's paying for you to have Netflix.
No, who's Netflix is? I have a lot of Vin. A lot of Vin.
Yeah, my mom's cable, I can sign into like, anything, she pays for cable.
Well, yeah, I pay for cable too, but like-
But I don't pay for cable.
That's, I mean, so now what people are doing is it's like, it's a different tiered model, so like, base Netflix is like, you can have it in three devices in your one home. Or you can do it like- You know, the holy shit package, which will be like thirty bucks a month. And you can have up to three different IP addresses. So like you can have it at your house, I can have it at mine, and Greg can have it at his.
But, that's what I'm saying. So if the Chinese robots were smart.
Start low.
You're saying they're not smart?
I don't know. I haven't seen or spoken to them.
I mean, they're, they're giving birth. How dare you?
Are they?
I don't know if they're giving birth. See, how do you give birth to a baby through a robot?
Like, can you just, yeah, can we just like, is it like a, like a sail, not a sailor, like a diver's helmet? Like you just open it up in the water?
Yeah, I mean, I, I could see that being the case, you know?
How does it grow a umbilical cord?
I mean, I imagine.
You gotta shove it on.
I imagine there's a lot of stuff they gotta figure out, and that too.
Chinese science.
It's gonna take care of the umbilical cord.
Chinese science needs to figure this out, but, I mean, there's certain, there's also innate historical things that they are not gonna be able to replicate, or like, they're gonna have to try to replicate. Because think about it, when the baby's in there, they don't breathe, and then they come out, and it's like
So like, how do they, how do they, like, what do they have to do to, to get that?
Why would that change?
What do you mean, why would that change?
They'd be in like a, the placenta.
Yeah, but I'm saying, like, they gotta replicate a bunch of shit. I don't know if you know this.
Pregnancy is complicated.
Frank, it's very easy. It's two steps.
In and out.
No, I know. But I'm saying, what you're describing is like, when a baby is like, growing, like, from a fetus, whatever, they, like, their noses are blocked and shit, and like, shit like that.
But what I'm saying is, we don't know what we don't know. Right now.
Correct.
You know, right now. We don't know what we don't know, you know?
Right now, I would say the vast majority of people on this planet have been delivered via birth. Whether it be cesarean, whether it be natural.
By the way, cesarean sounds like a lovely rap.
Oh, really, really yummy. We don't know the possible ramifications of trying to engineer that outside of it.
That's what I'm saying.
Because we haven't done it yet.
Yeah, so like a robot baby dude, I'd be like, bro.
So what's it gonna be?
Kinda weird, probably.
You think so?
And like cold.
Like, bro, you grew up around nuts and bolts. Come on.
I mean, I'm sure that they'll probably have like a pretty like high-end cushy situation in there.
Yeah, this seems like it's the obvious next step for humanity because we're doomed, but I wouldn't do it.
Like, if, bro, tomorrow, someone would be like, you can have a kid next week, but we're gonna grow it in this Chinese robot.
I'd be like, fuck that, dude.
No, you don't wanna do it.
No, I mean, I just, ugh.
Your son, you'll be able to watch your son grow, or daughter. Ooh, I said son first.
That was insane.
You don't know, you don't know.
That's crazy. I mean, don't even start with that because I would rather a dollar.
Dollar.
You'd rather a dollar?
I'd rather a dollar.
I would rather a dollar.
You'd rather a dollar than a child?
No, I'd rather a daughter, because then I don't have to worry about, like, you know, not having a daughter.
Different set of worries, man.
No, no, I mean, yeah, I get that. I'm prepared, I think. No, no.
No, you ain't.
No, I mean, like, I'm, I would rather have a daughter first, so that I don't, like, then whatever.
Well, you know what they say, Joey?
Man plans, God laughs.
Where'd you hear that?
That was your mom.
Like a Tumblr post?
Oh, a Tumblr post.
Back in the day?
You know, and like, the picture was just like someone like reading in front of a volcano or something. With their socks on.
You know what's, you know which one I loved back in the day on Tumblr?
She believed, and then he lied.
He lied.
And I was like, oh, you bitch.
Well, wasn't that like a, a, a Billie Eilish song?
Wasn't there a song that was like?
It was that. It was like, she, he cheated, she...
Believed it.
Heed, or something, you know, like, wasn't there a Billie Eilish song?
Oh, like the title was something like that?
Yeah, some shit like that.
Oh, maybe, I don't know. I thought you were saying Billie Eilish created She Believed He Lied. I was like, there's no possible way.
I mean, we don't know William Eilish's, you know, or what's, what's, what's Billie's first real name?
It is William.
Oh, it's William.
Yeah, it's William.
That's what I thought, honestly.
Yeah, it's William Eilish.
William Ett.
Yeah, you know, just to make it gender specific, because I know how specific. And her brother's name? Famous guy? Go ahead.
Phineas.
Frank, I swear to God, I, I would've bet my house that you didn't know that.
Well, you should've bet your house.
God bless.
Because I would've had two houses now.
Yeah, doesn't it make you feel like a piece of shit when you see like, a brother and sister and they're able to be like, both like, very talented and very famous and make really good music and just like, do, do, do, do that, and you're just like, I can't even play a piano?
I think we have talent, Joe. I think we've proved.
Yeah, but not that.
I think we've proved that we have talent. I think you're referencing all of your siblings that have none.
No, that's not what I'm...
I'm kidding. Your siblings are very talented in what they're doing.
That's so fucked up. You just always did to my fucking family like that.
What the hell did I do? I was talking about my siblings. Oh, my brothers, they use hammers, cool.
They use hammers?
I think that making music is probably the most like, satisfying feeling.
I could only disagree so much.
It's the most, it's gotta be the most satisfying feeling.
I think you're more of a music-
That and sloppy toppy.
I'm not gonna, I'm not touching your hand for that one.
Yeah, me too, dude, right?
You can't talk about the, the rewarding part of sucking dick and then expect a high five out of me.
First of all, I'm not, I'm not, I'm saying, nevermind.
You're saying, oh, receiving.
Yeah, it's a joke.
Do you understand my trepidation to slap your hand on that?
Okay, well then at least-
I mean, I think your trepidation should start with, why'd you think I was talking about the other way?
Add it to the list.
No, I do. Like, I think that, like, making a song, just from, like, you, like, it's nothing, and then all of a sudden you start doing like, dum ba dum ba dum.
I can't agree with that. I think you're more of a music guy. Like, you've always been more in tune with, like, I think that's why you always loved, like, Mac Miller, because you saw, like, the genius and behind the music.
Uh huh.
I feel like that, but for movies.
Making a movie.
I feel like, when you look at someone that is like a writer and director, I know there's a whole team of people that goes into making movies. Music could be a little smaller of a team, but like, the people that can do, like, successful, like, writing, directing.
Like, that. Like, alright, let's use, um, the show Baby Reindeer, not a movie.
He wrote, he directed, he acted.
Crazy.
That's insane.
But I could see- I agree. No, I, I agree with that as well. I think that's also something crazy. I feel like
the amount of imposter syndrome you have to have in order to do that job is kind of crazy. Because when you're on a set, especially something like a fucking Marvel movie, where it's like, we all look like idiots in this room. You know, like, jumping around and pretending to be, like, superheroes, like, we're three years old, dressed like this, and green screens all around. But then, it comes together, and it's like this fucking incredible thing, and you're like, holy shit. Like, that, I was there that day. Like, that's me up there. Like, that must be so crazy.
I mean, that's why I, I, one of the reasons why I don't re-watch our episodes or anything like that, because, like, I feel like icky. Like, I feel like, who is that? What am I doing? You know? So like, I can imagine, like, a movie or TV. I think Johnny Depp does that, too. He, like, doesn't watch his own stuff.
I've heard that about a lot of people, they don't watch their movies.
I mean, I could see the argument of just, like, you're paying respect to the person, like, the team, because there is a whole bunch of people that goes behind that stuff, but like, I wonder with musicians.
Do they listen to their-
I guess musicians is different because they have to play them when they're, you know, when they're performing your stuff. That's gotta be, that's gotta be strange. How did we get from talking to, about this from fucking robots?
We did start. Where'd ha- wha- what was the first conversation we had?
The, uh, Romans and Greeks and thinking.
Oh, right.
Romans, Greeks, thinking.
But it was specifically about the Romans and Greeks. What was it?
What was it again? You brought it up. What was it? Their Love of Butt Sex. And we have ass. Uh, listen, everyone, we do have, uh, some sponsors for today. The first one being, how you doing? A little bit of Boom Happy Thursday. Okay, they're the new sponsor on the show. Uh, Happy Thursday is great. Okay, so these are a spiked refresher. They're very refreshing. Also, bubble free. Okay, so it's not gonna bloat ya and make you feel crazy. This one is a pineapple star fruit, but they have a bunch of different flavors that are all good. I've tried them, trust me, they're great. Uh, but yeah, why wait for Friday? Get a little spiked, uh, refresher in ya. These are, uh, 4.4% alcohol, so you have to be 21 plus in order to enjoy them.
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I don't, I'm gonna cut you off there.
I don't know if you saw, but we got some new words added to the Cambridge Dictionary.
You know, I did not see that.
You didn't keep, you don't keep up with the Cambridge Dictionary?
I don't even have it in my house. Do you have a dictionary?
Oh, no. No, I mean, we used to, growing up. I remember that son of a bitch.
I had, I had a dictionary.
I remember that son of a bitch.
Son of a bitch?
Yeah, because like, we would always, my mom, anytime we would say like, what does this word mean? My mom would be like, get the dictionary. You know? Dictionaries. Now, so you got a phone. Phone's a dictionary.
You know, phone's a camera.
Whoever created the dictionary is probably pissed off. His sales are way down.
I think it was Oxford and Cambridge.
Those are the two big ones, right?
I, I...
Why do they get to have it?
I think that if you make it, then you get to have it. I think that's how it is.
Yeah, but like, someone hasn't created a cooler dictionary?
Urban dictionary.
I guess they have, technically, they have a cooler dictionary.
What are these words?
Alright, so, uh, new words have been added to the Cambridge Dictionary. Uh, and I wanna see which of these you actually know, Joey.
You think they're words that I'm not gonna know? Like, they're like, interesting?
Here's the thing, is I'm kinda projecting, because a lot of these I don't, don't know.
Or didn't know.
And I wanna know. So, first one, easy. Added to the Cambridge Dictionary, inspo.
Interesting, okay. Inspiration, duh, but we're saying it because we're shortening?
Well, yeah, I don't know why we're doing the, if we're adding shortened words to the dictionary, I can add 500 million. Because apparently you get money for it.
They have to catch on, though.
I mean, give me a word.
Father.
Dad, you see like that one already had one, but like, give me another one that like I can shorten.
Uh, banana.
Nanners. Throw that in the fucking dictionary.
Good.
People use that shit.
I mean, yeah.
You know, Sammy for sandwich.
Or Baba for bottle.
Yeah, but that's baby talk. If we had a baby talk dictionary, that'd be a bajillion fucking pages long.
But yeah, inspo, short for inspiration, something, especially something posted on the internet that gives you ideas for doing something, or that makes you wanna do something.
Yeah, easy. Do that one.
Uh...
Mouse jigler.
Excuse me? That's a word that we're adding?
Mouse jigler?
Well, we're not. Over in Oxford. Jigler.
But mouse jigler?
Yes. This is being added to the dictionary, folks.
Can I get a country of origin?
Well, I guess ours. I mean, yeah, I mean, or English-speaking countries, apparently.
Can you use it in a sense?
I, uh, was building my computer and made sure I put a mouse jigler in there.
Is a mouse-
Or I was home at work and I had to make sure my mouse jigler worked.
Okay, the first one sounded like you were talking about like a fan, the second one sounded like something with masturbation. So I'm very confused now.
Well, I mean-
Is it a mouse jig- is it just like a... Is that-
What's a mouse jigler, Joe?
Uh, it's a, it's a fan.
Like an actual fan?
No, it's not.
So it's a device or piece of software used to make it seem as if a computer mouse is moving, so it seems as if you're working when you're not. This is a new-
This is a new thing for like work-from-home people.
Nice.
Which I imagine that people are gonna, is not cool.
I think, you know, I think, get it, fuck it.
I mean, you jiggle the mouse.
Like, I know that people, I've seen a bunch of people with like, really fun ways to.
Yeah, I've seen that too. They like, rest something, like specifically on one button, very lightly.
Yeah, so it looks like they're constantly on. Uh, I, we have a friend that, uh, would wake up, put himself in a meeting with no one, and then go back to bed, and then his boss would be like, "Oh my god, you're in a meeting at 8 a.m."
Yeah, good for you. Yeah, and then they, they can't join the meeting, and it's literally nobody.
Well, I, I had asked, I was like, "Can your boss join the meeting?" And he's like, "Yeah, but he's not." And I was like, "Okay."
Which is fair, like, your boss is probably not gonna join your meeting.
You'd also need to collaborate with somebody else on that, because you can't just make a meeting with a fake person. I imagine they would have to be like, someone else in the company.
I think it was more of a quiet quitting situation, so.
Uh, are they still working for that company? I know who it is.
No, no.
Oh, okay, alright. Do we know if the jiggling of this?
Had anything to do with it?
I'm certain it did. I'm certain it, that has something to do with it.
Okay, um...
Tradwife.
Okay, this is just a word for, um, like, a traditional wife, like, obviously, like, someone who's like, "Oh, you know what, I think I'm gonna..." Or like, a stay-at-home mom, or something. Like, the traditional, cook-clean type of thing.
Literally, it says, "Traditional..." Tradwife is short for traditional wife. A married woman, especially one who posts on social media, stays at home, doing cooking, cleaning, etc., and has children that she can take care of.
I don't, why are we renaming that?
Why are we just like?
What's the modern wife?
You know, that's a great question.
I don't know what that is.
That's a great question, because I think now, more than ever, women are, like, the breadwinners in their home. So a modern wife might mean something different than it did 30 years ago, definitely 60 years ago.
Back, 60 years ago, I don't know, I don't, I don't wanna know what modern wife was back then.
Yeah, but so, now the, the, the wife is just a newer version, and the tradwife is that?
I guess, but here's the thing, like, traditional, like... This is me, this is me being, I know you hate when I do this.
I know what you're doing.
I know you hate when I do this.
I don't, I don't think I'm gonna hate this.
Traditional is subjective.
I agree.
Because traditions are different, and also, it is not only different for regions, it's different based off of religion, it is different based off of race, ethnicity, societal norms, and whatever country, hemisphere.
Yeah, I agree with you.
So like, how do you define what it, like, I guess...
Is that true, though? Like, I think that like, like a traditional wife, if you, if you told someone to define, or not define it, but like, guess what that would mean? I feel like that's kind of what you would guess.
Sure, but like, also, but who, but in that, my first argument would be like, "Traditional to who?"
To, I, yeah, that's what I mean. Well, I mean, I don't know.
And also, you can argue it's a little disrespectful.
What's disrespectful?
The idea that a traditional wife is one that is put within these parameters.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't be, like...
I know you wouldn't, because remember...
No, no, no.
Why?
That's not what I mean. I mean, like, the, I don't think it's, if someone were trying to offend me in some way, like, "Oh, you have traditional values," or "You have whatever," it's like, okay, like, you can put a thing on it, but like, as long as it's not like in a disrespectful tone.
But there is a lot of people on the internet that would argue that traditional values are very exclusive of certain types of people, certain roles in the household.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I think that it's okay...
They're discriminatory sometimes.
I think it's okay to say something like "traditional," as long as you're not, at the same time, saying it's wrong or right.
Yeah, but a lot of times traditions are held in high regard. So you are, they have kind of already planted their flag there, like.
Okay, I mean, cause I can-
No one calls something bad, a bad tradition. They just call it like a fucking toxic.
I mean, I feel like there are times where you're like, oh, they're more like traditional and they're, you know, whatever.
Oh, that's a good point.
It's some sort of like negative aspect.
Sure, alright, I mean, listen, I think this is, these are the intellectual conversations people come here for.
Bro, at the end of the day, if she wanna work, she gonna work. She wants to follow her dreams, she gonna follow her dreams, alright? Traditional or not, I don't give a fuck what the dictionary says. She gonna get the bread if she want the bread.
You know, the only tradition in my household? Love.
That's awesome.
Here's a tradition, it's called, love your wife.
Yeah. A partner.
And you want the best.
Partner.
You want your, love your partner. Thank you, Frank.
Gotcha.
You want your partner to live their life.
Let's move away as traditional, as being that.
How about it becomes more inclusive?
Here's a tradition that's weird that we should get rid of.
Saying tradition like that.
Yeah, that was a mistake.
Mistletoes. I know, we're off topic.
Fuck you. Leave the mistletoes.
You love the mistletoe?
Any excuse to kiss my wife.
First of all, it's not just your wife. It's whoever walks under this thing.
Well, I won't kiss them.
Then you're not being very traditional in that moment. There's a rule, Frank. You kiss everyone.
I'm gonna, any excuse I have to kiss my wife, I'm gonna do it.
No one's saying that.
I know what you wanna get rid of. You wanna get rid of kissing wives. Get 'em, right-wing! I'm back!
You're trying to set me up!
I mean, I was never there to begin with!
You son of a bitch!
We got the right-wingers back.
I think kissing your wife is awesome and doing the thing to your wife is great. But like, if I'm, I'm, I'm walking by, I'm bringing the turkey to the table and my Aunt Rose is walking by, now what do we do here?
Well, listen, your turkey on Christmas is crazy.
I, I got my six big stuff!
Second of all, I'll meet you halfway. Let's get rid of those funny hilarious people that at the Christmas parties takes the mistletoe and puts it on their belt.
Let's get rid of them.
Bro, shot.
I've never experienced that, but I know that it is, it exists.
What, shooting?
No. Well, no. I haven't been shot, but I don't. But like, I've never seen anyone be like, "Oh my god."
You hear that, guys? Don't shoot Joey.
Don't shoot me, please, god.
Uh, yeah, we can get rid of them.
Yeah. I'm over the missile till though. It's like, "Oh, you got it!" And it's like, "Aunt Doris, what is this?"
No, I'm fine with it. I'm fine. I mean, unless Aunt Doris is coming in for like a smooch in between-
That's what I mean.
In between the puckers.
Bro, you're making it seem like I'm saying you can't kiss your wife.
I know how much you wanna get rid of men and their partners kissing.
Why would I do that?
Trying to get the right-wing people back on our side.
No, what you're trying to do is you're setting up a TikTok clip where there's music gonna be playing-
"Butch cuts out a banana."
And there's gonna be an edit, like, "Frank loves his wife." And look at Joe, he's a piece of shit!
I don't make those!
I'm saying I don't wanna kiss my ass!
Mya! Or Pod- or, or, basically, BY Pod bonus. Like, it's not me! I don't do this!
You're doing it! You're setting the narrative, you slut!
I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. It's not me.
I'm not standing for it anymore.
You don't have to stand for any- you're not standing for anything right now. You're sitting down, trad bitch.
You just used it. Now you're using it as a slur.
No, it's not a real word!
That was a slur.
Not a real word!
What is the other word?
Alright, there's, uh, three more here that... Oh no, one of them you know. The other two I legitimately don't know. Uh, delulu?
Delusional.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You didn't know that?
No, I know delulu.
Oh, okay.
I know delulu. It is funny. It was said in like a cute way, like, unaliving. You know, like, "Ooh, they're delulu."
Unaliving? That's gonna make- is it not on that list?
It is not on this list.
It'll give it time.
The last two... I've heard of one of them.
But I wouldn't be able to tell you what the definition is, and I don't think you would be either. But here's the one I've never heard of. I think you'll get it, 'cause you're a smart person. Bro-ligarchy?
That's us.
The bro oligarchy.
The bro oligarchy is getting added to the dictionary.
First of all, I've never heard that word, but that's hilarious way.
I mean, I, I'm pretty smart. I know what an oligarchy is. I know what bros are.
Doesn't take much to put that together.
I mean, I thought the word would be like manosphere. Don't they, they've been using that.
There's more to, to, for all of this?
Well, explain the definition.
So the definition is a small group of men, especially men owning or involved in technolog- a technology business, who are extremely rich and powerful, and who have or want political influence. The word is a mixture of bro and oligarchy.
That sounds like the ultimate nightmare.
Yeah, it does.
This sounds like what fucking like, what's his name? Jack Doyle? Who's the little streamer?
Who the fuck is Jack Doyle?
Who's the little streamer that like, does like IRL streams all the time?
Jack Doyle? Who, who, I don't know.
That's what I said. I don't know.
Oh, Jack, uh, Jack, uh, Dar- Dar- Darty, Darty.
Okay, that sounds like-
It's not Darty.
What him and his boys are into. It's like, they call themselves the bro oligarchy.
But the term that I usually like hear is like the manosphere.
What's that?
It's like-
That reminds me of like-
Like, it's like a similar thing.
If they put manatees on the sphere in Las Vegas. That, that's when, that's like the only acceptable word-
For that.
It's, yeah, but that's not it. Um, as you can imagine, that isn't. But it's like when, it's like a, it's kinda like the podcast bro type of people that are like, you know, like-
I don't like that we're defining that now.
No, but that's true, though. That's like-
Like the guys that are just like, listen up, alright?
My fucking bitch wife got pregnant. Ugh!
Yeah. Oh my god, how dare her. Also, she, when I went to marry her, I have one simple question for women. One, will you accept a high value man like me? And two, did you have $400,000 in the stock market immediately? And if you don't, you are not a woman for me. If you do have money, what man gave it to you? Fucking idiots. I mean-
You know what I love? Asking grown men, right? Asking grown men, being like, uh, would you, would you let your, your, uh, your girlfriend or your wife go to the club?
I'm in my thirties!
I won't be there. What are you talking about?
No, I know exactly who this is because you remember they tried to interview me in LA last year.
What? Wait, a person? No, no, no, I know.
Oh, you weren't there!
I wasn't there.
You left!
No, you told me about this, but it was like a person that you know on the internet?
But it was just like one of the people I imagine is in the bro-ligarchy.
I imagine it's a bro-ligarchist.
He comes up to me, we're on Rodeo Drive, because we're like, "Oh, we should like, when in LA, check out Rodeo Drive."
You left, and I was just like, this guy comes up to me, he goes, "Yo dude, I have a YouTube show. I think I, I think I know you, The Backyard Man."
So good.
Yeah, you know, when they know us, but they don't, you know?
The Backyard Again is my favorite.
Yeah, that was a really good one, because it was a really cool show.
And he's like, "Can I interview you for my YouTube show?" And I'm like, "What's it about?" And he's like, "Oh, we talk about just like hot topics," or something like that, or whatever, and I was just like, "Sure." He's like, "I'm gonna ask you two questions, alright?" And I was like, "What are the questions?" I, for some reason, felt inclined to ask. And he goes, "Well, the first one is, what do you feel would be a better investment, crypto or gold?" And I was like, "Dude, I know, you're asking the wrong person."
Wait, was he filming at this time?
No, it was before he was filming.
And he's like, "Crypto or gold?" And I was just like, "What's the next question?"
And it was just like, the immediate next question, that's where he started. The next question was, "What do you think is the reason why women don't respect men?" And I was like, "Dude, I'm not doing this, get out of here."
Like, the going from crypto and gold to women not respecting, that was the bro-ligarchy. I had a brush up with the bro-ligarchy, and I made it out alive.
It's like, "What do you think's better, crypto or gold?" And it's like, "Alright, next question, why are women just such a bitch?"
Ladies bitch, right?
Yeah, so anyway. This guy's fucking crazy.
So, I think what makes this all so funnier is the fact that like, there's gonna be like an old like snotty, British, white man in Oxford, at Oxford, just being like, "So now today, we're talking about the rise of the brolegarchy."
"We need to examine..."
I will say, the brolegarchy is a way better term than manosphere.
It just, it's, I feel like it's the perfect thing to represent how fucking douchey that whole group of people sound.
It's pretty bad.
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Are you doing the thing where you're repeating what I'm saying?
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There's a pasta. This phone?
Guess what it's made of? Dogs.
Well, now I've repeated you, because you said it first, that was weird.
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The final word, going in to the Cambridge Dictionary.
Skibidi.
Shut up.
That's what it says here, man.
Skibidi?
Skibidi's going in.
You know what's crazy about Skibidi? Oh my god. I'm saying it.
We got, we got the, the young kids back now.
Dude, my nephew's birthday was the other day.
And someone got him a gift and it was a...
Skibidi toilet toy?
Yeah. It was a Skibidi toilet toilet, to- a toy, toy.
It was a Skibidi toilet to-
Hit yourself with it.
It was a Skibidi toilet toy.
There you go.
Yeah. And my mom, I have a picture of my mom, she's like, I'm like, over her shoulder, cause she's opening it, trying to understand. You just see a guy like this and there's a toilet and it says, "Skibidi toilet." I was like, "What the fuck is my mom reading?"
This is, that is, I think, the first thing in, I'm sure people are gonna pull up clips of me saying this on other things, but like, where I feel so completely removed. Because I think there were things that when we were younger, that were like funny to us, that like, just made no sense, or were so stupid to our parents.
But like, this is the first time I'm on the other end of it.
Where like, I can't, like, you and I used to walk around saying, "Bread." And we thought it was the funniest thing in the world.
To be fair, that wasn't like, something that ever caught on, it was just you and I.
I know, it was just you and I, but like, that, there are things at, like, like that, for that generation, that like, are funny now. Skibidi is one of those things where like, a new thing, kids, bro, the other day, my nephew, my cousin, I should say, and Miles were hanging out, and they just go, "Yo." And I go, "What?" And they go, "Six, seven." And I was like, "What?" I was like, "Yeah?" And they're like, "Six, seven."
I'm like, those, yeah, those are numbers, dude, like, six, seven, what? No, I have no fucking clue what it means, like, that's just one of those things where I'm, we're, we're in an age now, where like, that shit happens, and we can't even just be like, "Oh, okay, I get it."
Cause it's an inside joke with them.
But like, it's an inside joke with a whole generation of kids that are not for us.
Bro, there was a fucking edit the other day of me saying that.
What, six, seven?
Yeah, I said it on a podcast or something, and then it was like, they turned it into the fucking edit of me saying-
Oh, and it's like the, "Goom!", and it's like, "Six, seven!", and it's like, "Boom!", and then like, things blown up behind you?
I don't know what's going on.
You know what it is.
Over there.
But like, Skibidi's one of those things.
It just, it's another world for me.
Yeah, it's just one of those like, inside jokes that you just, you just don't know.
But, what do you think?
Skibidi is.
I honestly, I feel like I should know this, but I don't think I do.
Give it a shot.
I think it's just like a negative thing. I don't know.
Okay, like, what do you mean?
It's like, it's like an adjective. I don't know.
Like to describe something?
Is it something like brainless, like idiotic shit? I don't know.
So like, if you were to call like, someone would possibly call this show skibidi?
Sure. Yeah, like an adjective in that way.
Okay, the definition that is going into the dictionary.
It says, "A word that can have different meanings, such as cool, or bad, or could be used with no real meaning as a joke." So.
So that's not a definition. That is, that is whatever a definition isn't.
So the definition of the word is that it lacks a definition?
How can that be written into a book?
I, I have no, this is what I mean. Like, I am so, so anything and nothing could be skibidi.
I'm, I feel delulu right now.
Okay, well, is that like our dead ass? How that could mean so many things?
No, but dead ass just means, like, it's in the confirmation. It's like, either it is...
But you could also, like, dead ass?
Yeah, like, really?
That's in, like, serious, like, you're seeking out, like, the affirmative.
Also, there's a difference between, between, uh...
Like, I'm dead ass serious, or I'm dead ass serious. Like, breaking it up, those are different.
I don't know if I've heard the second one as much, like, dead ass. Like, yo, serio- dead ass. But like, dead ass?
Kind of crazy when you think about that word. Like, that's probably a word that, like, our parents are like, "What the fuck is that?"
I think the only one that I think that our parents might have been able to use as like, and it's really more just New York. I'm sure other people use this now because, like, New York culture has become like, you know, people in, like, Iowa are wearing Timbs. But they're like mad. That was the one for us. They were just like huh? Like yo, I'm mad serious like.
Yeah, yeah.
But even that has more of a pathway to making sense because like it's meant to eh like give like weight to something like yo, I'm mad happy, like very, you know, like I'm mad serious, you know, like damn.
Well, that's what it like, I, yeah, I don't know.
But like skibidi just means it can mean cool or bad. It can mean something but nothing.
Yeah. That was like us growing up, we'd call people legends. Like that was good and bad. So I go, no, he's a real legend.
But that was just more sarcasm.
Like this is not anything. Literally, it is nothing by definition.
Hey, I'm not gonna fight with all the people out there who uh fuck with the word skibidi.
I mean, yeah, cuz they'll get ya.
Yeah, dude.
You can beat them up.
Not a lot of them.
How many you think?
Six.
Did you see John Mulaney wrestled three 14-year-olds on a show?
Did he?
Did he lose?
He got his ass kicked.
He's not a very big dude.
Yeah, but also like I think it's just like.
14 is big.
Dude, I've seen some big.
Freshmen in high school.
Dude, I've seen some big 14-year-olds.
Bro, there was a freshman in my high school who played on the O-line. He was 300 pounds. He would whoop my ass.
Yeah, but like, you never saw that? I'm cuz he had his show, his like live show on Netflix? And I think on the very last one, he like wrestled three 14-year-olds.
Yeah, I know.
And like Richard Kind is in the background like, yeah, get him!
Never seen that, but god bless.
You should, you should check it out.
I'll go check out John Mulaney being wrestled by three 14-year-olds.
Don't Google that. There will, you'll, you'll be on some of those.
Yeah, I'm not gonna Google three 14-year-olds.
I feel like we should create a New York dictionary.
This has been done a million times.
Has it?
Hmm.
What are you typing? Are you doing it?
I typed in New York dictionary, but it's only giving me the definition of NY, which is.
New York?
Yeah. But like if it were like Urban Dictionary but just for New York.
I feel like that'd be cool. I, I think we've kind of like covered that. And like you said, like now with TikTok and whatever, and I feel, I feel like New York has kind of become this like place where people are like aware of how people talk and the, the lingo and whatever.
It, it is the, the natural progression of the human race that we are just going to like, like it, it's a thing, it's an organic thing and then a company or someone gets a hold of it and makes it like a cool thing and then it's not cool anymore.
Like.
That's what happens.
Didn't you tell me you once went to like a place in Brooklyn that was just like, we have like a high-end chopped cheese? And it's just like, fuck you.
Yeah, yeah, that kinda shit is-
You know what makes a chopped cheese good? That it's basically cat food.
Dude.
You know, I don't want a fucking Wagyu brisket.
This is for everyone who's like visiting New York. If you want to get a good chopped cheese, if you see someone taking a shit outside of a deli, you go in there right now and you order all the food, because I guarantee it's amazing.
I'm not kidding. In New York City, the shittier the place looks, the better the food.
That's crazy.
Bro, you walk, you see like the, like Department of Health rating on the outside, if it's an A, it has good food. If it's got a B, it's probably not very good. If it's a C, incredible.
Yeah, it's probably great.
Or if the place got shut down, that food must have been awesome.
If you're really lucky, there's like blood on the floor.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And the same exact like, they have bags of chips that like expired in 2009.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah. You know what I hate fucking seeing in those delis? You know, uh, they're like called like snowballs?
It's like a cake, but then it's got like sprinkles and whatever. Disgusting. And they're always from 2008.
Well, like the, the, the famous thing is that Twinkies apparently don't go bad.
Bro, I'll tell you this right now.
Oh, fuck a Twinkie.
Oh, my god.
I'll, I'll take down a Twinkie.
Me too.
I'll throttle a Twinkie.
My mom puts them in the fridge.
You and your family about cold food.
I didn't do it. I only do it with chocolate. I put chocolate in the fridge.
You guys love, but like snacks, you love to have snacks in your fridge. You guys must have a Viking sized fridge.
Hold up. Do you put peanut butter in your fridge?
No, and people that do, I know-
Why do they do that?
I do, it's so stupid.
Why do that? We want it to be creamy, not like a hearty.
It's shelf stable, and if I were to put peanut butter in the fridge, it's coming out a rock, dude.
Well, what? Not a rock, but like-
I mean, pretty hard.
Have you ever had almond butter?
That's what I imagine it's like. Almond butter is impossible to spread!
But also, have you had like butter out of the fridge that you try to spread? And then it just like, you create a divot in your, whatever you're putting it on.
Bro, I absolutely hate that. If I go to a restaurant, especially if it's a nice restaurant, and it's like, yo, you guys are not paying attention to the details. I turn to a snob, like the guy from Ratatouille. Uh, but I get in there, and it's like, you're giving me a piece of bread that I can't just like, spread? And it's like hard, and I gotta like-
Here's the thing, if you're giving me something that is meant to be spreadable, this shit better be spreadable.
It better be spread-spread eagle!
Like when you go to, when you go to like a pizzeria, or like somewhere like an Italian restaurant, and they bring the, the, the little containers of butter?
That look like they came freshly out of a butthole? You know what I'm talking about?
I do.
And you have to, like, if I open it, it better be ready to get spread.
It better be spreadable.
Cause daddy's looking to spread.
Yeah, he is.
I'm not looking to fucking put this thing on there, and then it's just a ball of butter.
Yeah, that's so fucking annoying. It drives me insane. I hate that.
Although I learned a, I learned a secret.
What's your secret?
You just hold it in your hand. And the warmth of your hand will speed it up pretty quick.
Yeah, I mean-
But like, you're making me work at a restaurant?
I don't wanna have to hold this butter's hand. I want it to be spread eagle for me, ready, when I get there.
Ready to go.
Warm, creamy, and spread eagle.
Now you're talking my language.
That's how I like my butter.
You know, and I will say this, more than butter, more than bread and butter, the absolute best thing. And I may, and I honestly, I don't think I'm like late to the game.
I might be with you on this, so I'm ready to hold your hand.
The, the, the thing that's better than bread and butter is bread with olive oil, with salt, and balsamic in there, dude.
My fucking dog, dude.
Oh my god.
This is my fucking boy. And it doesn't even need to be balsamic, because Greek restaurants will do olive oil and red wine vinegar.
Just something else.
I am, like, just such a simple, like-
Dude, nothing, where did we go recently that they brought out focaccia and just a fucking pail of olive oil?
Yeah, and I fucking drowned myself in it.
Dunk.
Where was that? Where was that?
I don't know. But I could literally not stop eating bread.
Oh, in fucking Detroit.
That's where it was.
I, I, I can't stop eating it.
And you know what makes me feel better? Is olive oil's good for you?
Probably not in the amounts that we were having it, but-
No, no, no, people drink olive oil, like, shots of it and shit like that. But like, if it's not fried-
It's good fats.
Yeah, it's good fats.
You know? I'm with you there, 100%.
I fucking love it.
I'll take olive oil-
I'm like, good on butter, like, I don't, like, I don't put it on my pancakes and shit like that, I don't do that.
I like butter.
But like-
I like butter too, but not like-
But if it's, if you're gonna put
spread eagle soaking wet horny whore like butter-
And just like, in a, like, you know what I'm talking about, like a good olive oil-
With some seasoning in there.
You know, you don't need salt, because the, the vinegar is gonna give, add a little salty to it, but-
Oh my god, you scared me, sir.
You scared the shit out of me.
Holy shit, sir, you scared me. Oh, okay.
But yeah, I, I I get what you're saying, yeah. About to, say it again with the spread eagle, uh, the butter, being spread eagle?
I want this butter's fucking pussy out.
I'm talking-
No, no, no, yeah.
You know, you know what I'm talking about?
Of course I do.
What are you talking about?
Wait.
I just wanna make sure, I wanna confirm we're talking about the same thing.
Oh, I'm talking about, uh, olive oil with, what's it called?
No, no, no, no, how do you like your butter?
Oh, the butter? Just fucking ripped open, yeah.
Ripped open, how?
Spread.
Spread-
As far as it can go, sir.
Open butter.
That's the kinda butter I like, yeah.
Spreadable.
Oh, yeah.
Creamy.
He's leaving now.
He's leaving?
But, uh...
Oh, good times.
Yeah, um...
And a good bread.
Don't give me like, hard bread. Well, not even just hard bread, but like, I want bread that's just like, fresh. If you're giving me cold bread?
No. This shit better be warm.
And it better be a fakach.
I'm doub- yeah, a pillowy fakach?
Or, you know what? I don't know if you, you, we've gone to, and I'm sure you in your private life has also gone to Mediterranean restaurants?
Or Middle Eastern?
When they just bring out complimentary, you know, babaganoush? Or hummus?
Or fucking, you know, what's the other one I'm looking for?
What's the other one? The, the, with the green in it?
With the green, with the, uh, tabule?
And just, hot off the fucking press?
I love pita.
Pita bread?
Or, or, or, um, naan?
Naan bread. Fuck me.
You know what?
Garlic naan is great.
Yo, yo, yo!
Let's open a restaurant.
Okay. See, uh, you, see, this is what you go too far.
Why, why?
You go too far.
Alright, a bar.
Let's open a bar, and they have no like, entrees. But it's just different bread and, and, and bread, you can do a bread butter. Like, here's like, an American, like, an American sourdough loaf.
Oof.
Or you can do like, pita and olive oil. Or you can do like, naan and like, butter chicken sauce or something.
You wanna start a restaurant with the stuff every other restaurant gives away.
Yeah. Yes, yes.
The stuff that they give away for free, but will profit off of it.
A bread bar, sounds fantastic, honestly.
Bread bar, bread bar.
Copyright.
Copyright it.
Copyright infringement, I don't know what I'm saying.
Patent pending.
That was hysterical.
That was really good.
Oh, my God. What is that guy thinking?
Beauty happens when Ant's not here. We miss him, but beauty.
Beauty, yeah.
Finds a way.
Yeah, well, there you have it, folks. I hope you enjoyed the ride, that was a lot of fun.
That was.
I had a good time. Frank, where can they find you?
You guys can go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. And like Frank said, go to thebasementyard.com. There's still tickets left to some of our live shows. We'd love to see you out there. And that is all. See you next time.
Page updated November 1, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated