The Basement Yard
Original podcast
This episode is gangster! DONKEY TEETH! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
16,537 words · 4 speakers
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. What the heck are you doing, buddy?
I'm glad to be here, senpai.
Don't bring that... That's the Riddler now?
Oh, that...
Bad?
No, it was good technically, it was just...
What shirt are you wearing?
Oh, we're doing... I thought we were just gonna let this one go.
He giggled on his way over. Sorry I missed church today. I was at the Rainforest Cafe gooning. Oh, that means jerking off. Hey, man. You're fired. You're not allowed to wear that.
I thought it'd be a funny little haha. I also thought we were just gonna like gloss over it, but now I'm here.
Well, no one wants to glaze over your shirt, okay? Unless it's you, apparently, gooner.
Got him.
Got him. You did get him, because he's gooning, which we've learned recently from the youth, means jerking your... cranking your dank. Yeah, choking your chicken.
Weekly, as they would...
Oh, it's a weekly. It is a weekly episode, yeah. Oh. Stroking your shaft. Right, right.
He goes, "Shit."
Tickling your... feather dusting your bookcase. Tugging your boat. That's a better one. That's a good one, you know? Tying up your... your whoever you have for ransom. Welcome back to the basement yard. Uh, we're having a great time. That was bad, that was bad. But...
That's also, like, you're wearing a shirt confessing to a crime, indecent exposure.
You know, I'm just gonna get off the shirt. I have a gift for everybody here today.
Oh.
Um, we talked about stadium foods, and it turns out, uh, the Taramasu Yankee Cup.
Shut the fuck up.
My cousin at Fortunato's Bakery makes them.
Your cousin is Fortunato?
My cousin's-
Your cousin is the Fortunato Bakery? Wait, he is Fortunato?
He's Fortunato.
Wow.
Wait, your cousin is the bakery?
Yeah, they work-
And you never told us this before.
It's their bakery? It's their bakery.
Well, who else's would it be?
Wait, your cousin is Fortunato?
I don't know, I'm saying it like it's Geppetto or like Panopchio.
Yeah, well, like, we're from-
This is his way of slowly reintroducing the idea that he's more rich than you.
No, no, no.
Which is so crazy. He's always pissed, absolutely.
We're from the same, like, town in Italy where my whole family's from. Either way, Taramasu.
I was about to talk shit about Italians.
I what? Are you talking about Italy like the country, or are you talking about Epcot or something?
I'm talking about Italy, the cu-
Which one have you been to more?
I will keep them all. I will keep them all.
Wait, so these are Taramasu's?
Taramasu's, Taramasu's.
Dude.
Yeah, I got you.
Sue me. Taramasu me. Don't sue me. But Taramasu me.
Tiramai-zui. I'll get out too. We're allowed one bad one per day. How do they look?
Oh, they're dusty little whores.
They're little dusty broads?
And they're actually in the helmets.
Yes, they're-
Oh, they got helmets? Look at this!
Oh my god.
Dust.
Thank you.
Give me that dusty cake.
Oh my god. Dude, I had a Taramasu recently and I accidentally sucked in while I ate it and almost choked and died.
We were out to dinner together.
Oh yeah, you were there.
Oh!
Yo, these are dusty whores.
These, yo, and they're like heavy too.
Yeah.
This is a big, are the, are the helmets normally this big? By the way, Yankee helmets, I wouldn't need it if it was a Mets helmet.
I would, absolutely, I would. Don't tell anybody.
I'd love Taramasu.
Are we just going for it?
I think so, right?
What's the dust on top? Is it like espresso powder, or is it co- coqua?
Do we know what it is?
Coquah?
Coquah.
Um, I think it's cocoa powder. It's the official one from the stadium.
They went to the stadium?
No, they make it and then send it to the stadium. Oh, fuck me, that is good.
They don't make it at the stadium?
No. I don't know if, I don't know if that's a spoiler.
That's, that seems, is it?
Alright, I'm gonna-
Oh my god!
Oh, that mask car is pony.
Yeah. It's poning right now, it's poning me.
P- poned?
Get poned, dude. Oh yeah. Your cousin?
Your cousin did this?
Your cousin tastes amazing. You got a good taste in cousin.
Damn, this is stupid.
Runs in the family.
Alright.
You're disgusting.
You're gooning nerd.
We were, we were joking around and now you're making it real.
We're joking around about tasting your delicious cousin.
Yeah, not you.
And now you wanna make it about you, guy that jerks off at Rainforest Cafe? Get him, police.
You think any police watched this? Oh yeah.
I one time- Here's a fun story while we're doing this. I one time, there was a kid in our neighborhood that was like, uh, he became like a teacher, or like, worked in a school.
Oh, you told us the story.
And he was a weirdo. I don't know if I told Ant the story, he was a weirdo, and would like, post pictures with like, his students. Like, high school students. Like, "Ha ha, I wonder if she'll take me to prom." And I would just tag the NYPD.
I don't know.
I wanna, uh, listen, I'm being a, a, a, a, a, a, a-
Fuck, no!
Touch gotcha?
There he goes. That's the oldest man cough I've ever heard you give. Why'd you put it like that?
Cause it's, it's, you know, is what it is.
Wait, empty?
No, no, no, there's still a bit more, but, the choking, I think that was God sending me a message.
I can't eat in the fucking mic, cause someone's gonna punch me in the mouth.
Well, is what it is, but-
Look at this sloppy bitch.
I know dude, eat that little-
Yeah, eat it, eat it, you fucking bastard. Oh, tiramisu, man. That's something the Italians got right.
Mm-hmm.
That and pizza.
I don't even...
Probably a couple more things, maybe.
Cavatelli?
I'll take that.
Isn't that pasta? Yeah.
They didn't make pasta, did they? I think originally... Well, they kinda stole it from China. I think it was the Chinese. China!
China!
China made it all! Big pasta, tall! Mexican pasta!
Okay.
Yes. Yes, got 'em.
I don't think...
Unbelievable. Thank you so much for that present, though.
Do they have Mexican pasta? I don't...
My thanks was interrupted.
I just wanted to say thank you to you.
Fuck you.
Uh, Fortunato, though, not you.
Not you, your cousin. Thank you to your cousin, Fortunato's Bakery. I'm sure they need all the help they can get.
Did you pay for this? Uh, no, he's a good guy.
Okay, good. He's a good guy.
Thank you, Fortunato.
He's a good guy. If A- if it was Ant's Bakery...
Is that his real name?
I mean, Fortunato's gotta be the last name.
Yeah, but there's no way. It's like your last name. It's like being Frank Fortune. It's kinda cool.
That would be really cool.
Hi, I'm Frank Fortunato.
It'd be like Richie Rich.
Yeah, exactly.
Was Richie Rich's real name?
It was a movie, fake movie about a fake boy.
I mean, uh, but it was also, I think, a cartoon. It was like a cart- like a... It was a comic strip or something like that?
If it was a cartoon, it was also fake, then.
Yeah, but like, dude, Richie Rich was so sick. Your friends come over, you got a McDonald's in your crib? Yo, that movie...
God.
I don't know when the last time you watched it was. It might not be good today, standards. But like, that movie is so fucking great.
I'd love it.
Like, he's got- his boy's got like the gun- the sniffer gun? And he can like sniff shit? And it looks like a big fucking pig's nose or whatever?
Bro, it's just a- a guy, you have your own scientist inventor in the basement.
Or what about, yeah, eh, they got a whole lab and they're shooting shit? They're shooting their boys out of fucking chairs onto a blob or something?
You remember the...
God damn, dude.
Their vault was in Mount Rushmore?
Dude. Dude, that place was so sick.
Mount Rushmore?
I meant the movie and their house in the movie. But yeah, he was just like, "Thanks for playing with me. Here's hundred dollar bills, kids."
Yeah, what?
Unbelievable. Put a couple kids in fucking overalls and then give them hundred dollar bills? I'm ready to watch that movie.
Hell yeah dude, I love that movie.
That's such a good movie. And yeah, the McDonald's in the crib. I would have been fucking Don Vito sized by the end of that fucking year. There's no way.
If you could have something in your house where you could press a button and it makes that food, whatever it is, what would you put?
Colossal King crab legs.
What's funny about that? What's funny about? Can I ask you a que- what's funny about that?
I'm not laughing. Giggles was laughing.
You giggle too bitch. You're a giggle guy.
I was giggling because his giggle made me giggle.
Too many giggles. Pull back the giggles. Draw back the giggles. What the fuck is funny about that giggles?
So you want to press a button, colossal king crabs show up with the sign of butter?
Wait, can it, can I make the, can it be any dish or can it have to be like a singular food item?
I mean it's.
Cause if it's a singular food item, alright, so then I can make a dish?
No, no. Like you can't be like, okay, this, potatoes, like you can't make like a dinner plate. It's just like foods like spaghetti and meatballs or like, you know what I mean? Like things that kind of go together.
That's a good one. Um, I think colossal king crab legs. Uh, but, ah, man. See, that's such a tough one.
I don't even know what I would pick. How many do you get per press? You can just press it.
You can press once per day.
How many more do you fucking need?
Just so you guys know, Ant loves these like deep hypothetical questions because I think he gets off, I think he goons to the idea of like potentially like stumping someone with a question. Cause he'll be like, "If you can only be dead for one, one hour of one day, but then you get all the money in the world for the next two days, would you do it?" And we're like, "I don't know." And he's like, "Yeah."
What would you, what would you, what food would you pick? Wings? Hmm. Chicken wings?
That's such a, that's such a, like it's non-luxury. You can get good chicken wings seemingly anywhere.
I think it's more about just like instantaneous, I could just get it.
Yeah, I guess I wouldn't want it to be that messy. So that's a bad answer.
Joey's gonna go with like foie gras or something.
No, I don't even like. What about a singular slider?
One slider?
One slider is so stupid because I'm, I would be more, I'd be better off hungry than having eaten only one slider.
Well, I'll press it twice.
No, you only get one press per day. We just said that. We should set the rules.
So then it'll be five sliders?
Yeah, that's exactly what- Five sliders is crazy.
Oh, so I give them out?
Nah, you can do five sliders. Six hot dogs.
Six hot dogs at the press of a button?
Uh, five hot dogs.
What would I pick?
Maybe like, I would pick like, uh, like brisket.
Oop!
Cause like, I never eat that.
Hell, yeah.
Cause like, I'm not gonna order it and like, I usually don't go to like barbecue places, so like-
Just like a-
You're in the mood for brisket? Bang!
Just like brisket that just spits at ya.
You know? Welcome to fucking Flavortown! Uh, you know what it would be? I would, I would-
What is the adjective he usually uses? This is like, donkey kicking good or something like that.
It's donkey sucking sauce or some shit like that. Finger licking donkey fucking sauce. Oh my god, this burger's donkey fucking- Yeah. It's like, finger donkey fucking delicious sauce. First of all, if you're gonna do an impression of American cultural and food icon Guy Fieri-
Make sure you do it with some respect, okay?
No, no, I love him.
He's, Guy Fieri's here!
He's, oh, he's-
And he's got like an expensive watch on, he's got like emo fucking spiky necklace.
He's got, yeah, he's got an expensive watch, he's got a fucking, yeah, exactly. I'm just gonna repeat what you said. He's got a bike chain bracelet. This fucking hot dog is gangster. And then you put a little bit of fucking donkey fuck sauce on it, it's fucking gangster.
I love him.
Oh, take a look at this lasagna. This lasagna is fucking gangster.
Yeah, he loves gangster, dude.
He loves gangster, and then he loves just like, just like, eh, eh, no, he'd be like, oh my god, wow. The really, like, the balance of flavor and heat and acidity and salty, it's absolutely perfect. This will lick the fucking fingers off your dead grandma, you know, just like, the, the whiplash of going between those two just like- He's like, look at this fucking lasagna. If you press on it, that is donkey face fucking good.
Oh guys, you ever had a pig fucker? Well, look at this fucking hamburger right here. It's like, I wish.
Those sliders are shit kicking. Right here, these are shit kicking gangster sliders.
I wish. First of all, I'd love to go to one of Guy Fieri's restaurants. Cause he's just like, "You love nachos? They're coming in a garbage can." Like, the guy's just all over the fucking place.
Eating out of a pail, you dick.
Exactly. We, alright, we know what you asked for. You like creamed corn? Here it is, in a trough. You know, like.
Oof, would love creamed corn.
I'd love creamed corn. Uh, but, I would love him to get, uh, like, a food show. But it's just like, uncensored. Let's see what Guy Fieri has rolled up his sleeve. Because every time he describes food, he's borderline cursing. And it's like, almost sexual.
He's just like, "Ohhh." You know, like, he does that. He's just like, "Let me get..." And he has like thirty rings on, which I can't make fun of because I like rings too.
But like, he'll...
His are haunted though.
His are haunted, and there's so many and they're so big, he, his hands are this far apart, period.
And he'll be like, "Oh, hold on, let me get, let, let me get a taste of that."
Wow, I mean, really bitchin'. You have done something with, you have done something culinarily that has not been seen since probably like the French New Wave. That's absolutely gorilla tits. You know, like, this gets a gorilla tits on the Guy Fieri scale.
Fucking love it, man. By the way, Guys Grocery Games?
Great show.
I didn't realize that it was guys. Like, I thought it was like, Guys Grocery Games? It's like, oh, you know, a couple of guys. This is the grocery games that guys play. I didn't realize it was Guy Fieri.
How, how did you not realize?
Cause I didn't know that he hosted it.
Name one other famous guy.
I didn't think it was a specific guy, I thought it was guys.
So you think they were just going with like...
It was just dudes on the show.
The Guys Grocery, so you think that they, in, cause they're, they're at like thirty seasons and it's been on for like two years.
You think in the year of our Lord 2025, they, the Food Network would have gotten away scot-free with having a show that segregates men from women?
Wasn't really thinking that deep.
Hosted by fucking flaming t-shirt connoisseur Guy Fieri?
Yeah, dude.
No way, dude.
He just pulls up to a set in a fucking like, hydraulic fucking car. He pulls up.
You know, with fucking, you know, Low Rider playing, you know, Low Rider. And he's just like, what's up guys?
Yeah, dude, I love that show. I actually went back and watched, cause I watch a lot of Food Network. I, I watched, uh, season one, episode one.
It's a great show.
Of his, of his show, and he looks and dresses the exact same. And he just pulls up to this like shack on the side of the road, on the side of the road, and there's just this fucking woman cooking. No way see, tiny window.
And he's like, this fucking burger is donkey teeth. Or whatever the fuck he says. Like, and it's just, I was like, yeah.
Oh, man. I don't know what you're doing to this brisket and this buffalo sauce, but let me tell you, it's absolutely rooster knuckles. I mean, this is bananas. He loves to do that. Like, it's an animal and a body part, and that's.
Apparently he hates eggs. Hates eggs.
Really? That's a strange one.
Hates it. Is it weird that he hates eggs, or is it weird that you know? How do you know?
Uh, because he was gooning over him at the Rainforest Cafe. Do you hate eggs? No, I love eggs.
I like eggs. Got no issue with eggs.
I get, I get the people though, that like, when they're eating eggs, while they're eating it, they're like, oh, I'm eating eggs.
Yeah, I get if you're gonna look at it like.
What does that even mean?
Like, you're eating a, I'm not gonna say the A word, but you're eating a.
What's the A word?
Ass?
A. B.
O.
Um, what am I?
A, a, a boat?
Aborted?
Yeah, well.
But they're not aborted.
Oh, so, so then you're just eating like?
No.
I don't know what eggs are.
No, do you know, wait, you, I.
Wait, what?
Do you know that, like, I, and I actually learned this later in life.
I've, I was always under the assumption that they were just like.
Aborted eggs?
No, no. So, chickens will lay eggs.
Don't fucking, you're wearing a shirt about jerking off at a restaurant.
And you know, and, and that person knows more than you about eggs.
You know eggs?
You know what eggs are?
They're, yes?
Okay, well that didn't really instill any confidence in me.
Chickens will lay eggs.
I know.
But, but, but like, they're always going to lay eggs. They don't lay eggs when they're pregnant. They just lay them, but the, the only way that they-
So they're just firing off blanks?
Fly- yeah. But they, but the only way is if they, like, are inseminated. Then it will be like an animal.
That's to my knowledge. I thought they had to be incubated. See, I don't know what any of this shit means.
I, I'm, I'm under the assumption that chickens are just firing off eggs.
Honestly, I'm with Guy now. I kinda fucking hate these things too.
Either way, I'm eating them. Let's get that out of the way.
I was watching an episode-
A double yolk?
Double yolked it.
Now we're talking about good luck.
That's amazing. I, uh, I was watching an episode of that show.
You can talk.
I, I was very confused at why you fucking like curled. Um, I was watching an episode of that show, and then it was just like, "Yeah, we're gonna do it, like, you can only make it from this aisle, and uh-oh, it's the aisle with dog food." And then the next episode is just like, "This is in memory." It was like, it got like so serious, cause like, one of the chefs on that show died.
Yeah. He was like a pretty, not problematic, but like, he made some statements that people were like pissed about.
The chef?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Guy Fieri, not American treasure Guy Fieri.
Why are you bringing that up?
Because it was just funny, again, the whiplash of like going from like, "Alright, you have to run down, you have to find roasted edamame, you have to find dairy, you know, like, something that starts with D in this aisle," and then the next episode was just like, "We are gathered here today." "Let me taste his ashes." Finger licking donkey butt.
Yeah, well, you know, he went down, but he went down gangster.
Uh-
You're right about the eggs.
The eggs, they just lay them, right?
They just lay them, yeah.
Stupid.
No roosters around.
Chickens, fix your- Yeah, if there's no roosters around, they're still just like laying eggs. So that's why if you have a chicken, you could just get free eggs, cause they're gonna lay them.
I mean, I know people, I should know this better. I know people with chickens.
Yeah, but you don't have one.
I don't, I don't have any chickens.
I'd loo- I wouldn't, nevermind. They peck. I don't like that they peck.
I mean, you-
I got attacked by a chicken.
Uh, you got attacked by one?
I got attacked by one. And I got attacked by goats.
Okay. Explain.
I went to a petting zoo farm. And they just have like all these animals together in like a giant thing. And you could just walk in. And then the chickens were running up to me and you know, like trying to eat the hair on my legs, I guess. I don't know. Or they were just trying to hurt me. Um, and then the goats would, I don't know if it's like, this is how they play. But they would run from across the pen right into my shins. And I was just like, dude, you fucking kidding me? Like, am I gonna have to kick one of these goats?
That's, that, that is kinda crazy. I, I, I've never, like, I've been to like, petting zoos and stuff, not where, like, I don't think you can get in with chickens.
Bro, there's chickens. There was, uh, there was giant, there was sheep. There was ju- these giant like cow-like things. But I don't know what the fuck it was. It had giant hump like a fucking camel. And it was made of fat. Touching that was disgusting, dude.
What are animals, dude?
Yeah, yeah, I honestly, I was just like, what the hell's going on? And then there was goats. There was, uh, llamas. There was alpacas. Those are cool, but they kinda freaked me out because their teeth look like George Washington's.
And also they'll spit in your fucking face.
I've never been spit on by an alpaca.
I got spit at by one. And let me tell you. Disgusting.
What'd it taste like?
Not in my mouth.
Oh, I was just testing. I didn't know if that was something that happened to you.
I'm gonna keep going, honestly. I can't.
No, it's very good. I loved it. Thank you so much, by the way.
Thank you. Get your cousin in here.
Fortunato?
Let him come. You stay home.
Frank Fortunato, there he is. Um, I would like to talk about, I saw this in the news recently, that, uh, apparently like in China, adults are using pacifiers to like chill out. And I gotta be honest with you. I'm kinda on board.
Oh, okay. Here, hold on one sec. I have a gun under here. I'm gonna pass it to you.
What's the big deal?
Uh, come on, brother. We're not beating, we're not beating the being whiny crybaby millennial allegation.
I mean, I don't, who was, who's making that?
Every person about our generation.
Whatever.
Dude, that, that's awful.
What, just a pacifier? You're gonna tell me.
If you, if I walked in here.
And I had a pacifier in my mouth and I was going.
You wouldn't fucking hate me?
Um, yeah, I'd probably slap it out of your mouth. But I'm, but I'm saying like if we lived in a society where everyone had one, it was cool.
I don't think we should live in that society.
Do you think, like, you don't think the idea of a pacifier, like, if you were using one right now, like, you wouldn't enjoy that experience a bit?
Um, you know, I guess I have to, I have to step back a little bit. I can't with confidence say I would or wouldn't. I think the idea of putting a pacifier in my mouth as a grown ass fucking man would deter me from doing that.
That's because society has put parameters on what you can and cannot do.
If this, if it, if there is any way that like therapists can be like, yo, if your therapist told you tomorrow, Joey, I think you should suck on a pacifier.
Right.
Are you doing it?
Do you, you don't respect me? If that's how you're talking to me? You think my therapist could talk me into literally anything?
I mean, I don't know. I'm just saying, like, you seem pretty jazzed. If your therapist was just like, Joey, listen, you deal with a lot of, you know, like, not, not a lot, you, you've been open about your dealings with anxiety and stuff like that. Uh huh. And you still, well, no, apparently you don't shave your legs anymore. Um, you're five foot two. I think what might work best for you.
Uh huh.
Is if you had this here bobo.
Dad, you want a bobo?
You clearly have not even sniffed a therapist.
No, no.
Or therapy.
I can't, I'll, I'll be honest with you, I've never even met one. Like, I don't even know anyone that does.
You've never met a therapy?
Not that I know of, at least. I know someone that works in, like, clinical therapy.
I actually have never, have I seen a therapist in the wild?
Do you see them out and like, they're like out and then you see them and you're just like, huh? Can you like spot them?
I did invite my old therapist to something once.
Really?
Yeah, and he said no.
What, what was it?
I think it was like the launch of the hot sauce, one of the hot sauces.
I was like, yo, if you wanna come, just come. And he was just like, alright, I'm good. He didn't say that, but he's like, "Oh, I'll let you know." And I was like...
I think it's like a thing that they're not supposed to be like fraternizing with their clients.
Yeah, probably.
Patients, I should say. Excuse me.
That's sad. What if you guys got made really good friends and now you can't?
We wouldn't have...
Well, what if he was just like, "I'll come to this hot sauce event if you take this passy." And you suck on it like a we do, we do, we do wine.
Yeah, if he said it like that, then I'd probably just fire him. But, yeah, that's not how it would go.
I mean, you don't, you don't think that this is just like contributing to like the negative view that people have of millennials being unable to deal with just like the smallest of stressors in the world?
I think that every generation is going to look down on the next one, no matter what.
Yeah, but that happens because it's like, "Our music was better." Or, "This is when you could go out and you could buy a burger and Coke for $3." Not because you're fucking sitting in the club and you're sucking on a passy.
No one's saying suck to, suck to pass in the club.
Why not? If you're giving them free rein to suck away, they'll suck about.
Maybe. Don't people suck them at raves? The pacifiers?
I heard that. That's like a weird... I think they're sucking a couple of things at raves, if we're being honest. I, I think I heard that like, it's like a, when you trip, it's like a feeling of like, "Oh, fuck."
It like calms you down?
Centers you.
Have you ever, uh...
No, wait, hold on. Yeah, wait a sec.
Wait, what are you doing?
You seem like you might know something about this.
No, I, I was inquisitive.
I remember when we were...
Have you ever done ecstasy?
No, I want to.
You want to, dude? You're fucking almost 30.
And that seems like a pretty easy thing to do if you really wanted to.
I wanted to.
Oh, okay. Well, there it is.
I'll change it.
I heard that like, do you remember when like we were like young? It was like the generation, I think it was our sister generation. Some people had pacifiers as like accessories back then.
I do remember our generation having, uh, ew dude, why are we talking like this? Um, I do remember, you remember the, the, the child's backpack phase?
On the front?
Or that too, yeah.
Yes, that I remember.
That I remember, like, everyone had like a child's backpack at one point. I was like, "What the fuck is this?"
And it was like when footy pajamas came back in too. That was a little after that, but like...
I don't really hate it that much.
I don't hate the footy pajamas, but like, there's a thing with like, and you know me, I love maintaining a connection between my childhood and my adulthood.
I think the whole like, like pacifiers are meant for babies. They're not meant...
But what are they meant for? Like, let's, let's, let's, let's...
Soothing a toddler, or a, a, an infant.
Okay. Don't you think though, that because that is a universal way to soothe a child, that there is something in the human DNA that is soothed by the sucking of a pass?
Sure. I don't think that at the adult age, however you choose to define that...
You should revert to that to cope with whatever stressors you have.
How should you do it?
I mean, there's a plethora of ways, from, uh, therapy to, uh, whatever. I don't...
It just goes, "There you go."
Yeah, alcohol, sure.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
I don't know, I don't...
You coughed it?
It got me, it got me. I don't know if the response is...
Pacifier.
Sucking on a pacifier.
Well, and also you're supposed to stop doing it because it could fuck up your teeth.
Well, I think at your, I think, uh, once you're...
We're past the point of this.
Yeah, once you're like a fully formed mouth...
It's not gonna do anything.
You know?
When do you stop pacifier?
Who are you asking Frankie?
For children.
Oh, okay. Um, they say by like, I know like Ruby was really difficult to get rid of hers.
But, and we did all the tricks. We cut it, you know, we tried to plant it, all that stuff. I've told that story.
Oh yeah, planting it.
Yeah, I've told that story. I was a fucking mess.
Yeah, I can't imagine.
Uh, but I think they say around like two, two and a half, three, you know?
I think my brother had it till he was like nine.
That's old.
Does your brother just have a vertical mouth? He's alright.
No, yeah, we all knew. It was a little old. Nine, nine's exaggerated.
Nine's, I'm letting you know now, if I'm a nine-year-old and I know my buddy has a pacifier.
Bring back bullying.
Yeah, I think he brought it to school once and we were like, you know, we kinda have to.
Excuse me?
Like in his backpack. We didn't know, we didn't know. Is this the brother I met? Yeah, we met both, yeah, you met both of them. Yeah.
So one of those guys had a pacifier real late.
I wonder who it is. Is it him or him?
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I have a question for you, boys.
Oh, boy.
So, there's this thing going around online. This guy bought a $3 Coke. And he handed the bartender $10 and said, "Keep five." How much money do you think the guy should have gotten back?
Oh, the bartender?
Yeah, so...
I could see, I could see...
Wait, okay, hold on.
I walk into a bar.
I buy a $3 Coke. I give him $10, I go, "Keep five." How much change am I expecting?
How much change are you expecting back?
That's a great point. Two... $2 is the answer, but I could see why people are just like, "Oh, keep five is just like, "Give me back only five. "Take the $2 tip."
Keep five?
Yeah, like, it's $3. I give you a 10, and it's like, "Keep five." Some people are probably making the argument that it's just like, "Make it a total of five."
What would you do if you were the bartender, though, and someone says, "Keep five"?
I'm taking 10. Fuck that. I'm taking the whole 10. What are you talking about? You gave me a 5, dude.
Wait, but when he said that, what would you think he means?
I meant, "Keep $5, give him 2 back." I know that's what he meant. But I could see what people are confusing that for.
No, no, no. This happened to the guy.
Yeah, it's not what he meant.
He was expecting 5 back, because he said, "Keep 5."
He got mad.
He got back 2, so he was like, "What the fuck?"
Oh, then he's an idiot.
Yeah, that's the wrong language. That's wrong verbiage.
You literally gave him the keys to the kingdom, and he decided to go and stay the night.
No one tells you, if something costs $3 and you go, "Keep 5", no one is expecting you to be like, like, "Keep whatever I'm about to say is the tip." You know what I mean?
Yes.
If you only want them to charge a certain amount, you say, "Just give me back..."
"Give me 5."
"X amount." That's what I...
I've said that before. If something is, you know, $5 and I hand them a 10, I'll be like, "Just give me back 2," or something. You know what I mean?
Or, "Just keep the change." Like, if you're saying, "Keep", you're being very specific with your verbiage.
Let me ask you a question, because this happened to me a ton when I was working, uh, like, delivering pizzas. Let's say a pizza is $17.
I deliver a pizza to you. You obviously have a $20 bill.
Yup.
What are you tipping me?
I mean...
I, that's a hard question to answer.
How is this a hard question?
I guess I would just say, keep the change.
Wow, that was so hard to come to.
No, but like, if I had more cash on me, I would say like, oh, here's an extra couple bucks.
So you're, you're, the, the reason why it's difficult for you is not because you're deciding between one and three dollars tip. You're deciding between three or more.
What would you do?
If I only had the 20, it's yeah, keep the change.
I don't want a dollar back.
Which dollar amount, which are you not saying, keep the change? What if it was 16 dollars?
I think, I, I, I think, I think if it's 15, I'm fine with them taking it.
14.
That's, it's, it's a dicey, cause I, I'd rather them just keep the five, but I don't, I also don't want to have a dollar back.
Exactly, yeah, this is why I'm asking.
That's what's tough. When I would deliver pizzas, I would deliver and someone would give me a 20 and they, and they'd say, just give me a dollar back. And I'm like, dude, give me the dollar. Like, I, I wouldn't say that, obviously, but I'd be like, okay, and I'd give them the dollar back.
Well, that was back when-
But I'd be like, bro, it's a dollar.
That's back when a dollar went a lot farther than it does today, Joey.
I mean-
And that's as a result of inflation. And we tricked you guys. We had an episode about being financially-
It's back.
Now, we're talking the value of the dollar, alright? I'm Frank Alvarez. No, I, yeah, I mean, I think-
So many people were like, give me the dollar back. And I'm like, what the fuck? You know, because like, clearly, I'm delivering pizzas here, bro. Like, I'm not like, fucking making billions of dollars or anything.
I will say this, and I am in full support, like, I, I consider myself, and always have been, a pretty generous tipper. Because like, I see that these people are working, this is their fucking livelihood. But like, I lost my train of thought.
Good. I, and I could say, I can, I have always been a good tipper because I've worked in an industry that where my, my paycheck would be like 65 dollars, literally. And then I would have to make money off of tips. And you, it just like, depends on, some people like, are very generous. Like, there was one guy, a pizza I remember was like 15 dollars and 20 cents, he would give us like, 23 bucks. So we were all fighting to go there. Cause he's going, like what you said, like you're giving a little extra on top of like what the change is. But there were some people that were just like, where it's, it's 15, 20, and then it's like, oh, keep three bucks, give me like a dollar back. And it's like, alright, but fuck.
Here's the thing that I was gonna try to say before, cause I forgot.
We grew up in a time where tipping a delivery person was like max five dollars. Like I remember, I remember delivery people and it would just be like, oh, keep, you know, here's three bucks. You know, like, like that.
Three to five was like the normal.
That's what I remember. Now, I'm in full support of people earning their livelihood. I am absolutely, I mean, that's also a weird statement saying they need to earn a livelihood. But, you know what I mean?
This like, these like food delivery apps that'll be like, oh, ten per, fifteen percent of your order is the tip? Like, yo, don't make me have to be the bad guy here. Now you're making me have to be an asshole and take money out of these people's pockets. I do it because I've like, I'm not, I don't want to be that guy, you know? Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pay it forward when I have the opportunity. But like, since when has delivering a pizza gone from being max five dollar tip? To fifteen dollars now?
I mean, yeah, I don't know.
I had, I had the opposite. You guys had, when I was delivering pizzas, there was one guy who no matter what the order was, would only give a dollar. So we were all fighting to not take his order.
But like, even at that time, that was normal. Like, I'm not saying it was kind, but like, I feel like that's what I remember people would tip a delivery person, between one and five dollars.
When I was younger and like my parents would give me money and we would order pizza, I would always, like, three was like the max. I would, and I, cause I didn't even know that it was like a percentage based thing. Which maybe it wasn't back then. It was just kind of like, three dollars is like a standard delivery, like.
Yeah, maybe it wasn't.
That's what you should expect.
It was also like fifteen dollars for a large pie of pizza, where now it's like thirty.
Yeah, if you're getting like a specialty pie, it's fucking bananas. There was this one woman that like, at this pizzeria, you can't order slices. You could only order pies. But there was this one old woman that they would let her order slices. So I delivered two slices to her one time. I forget how much, how much it was, but I gave her the, the, I gave her the pizza and then she gave me the money and she was like, it was like this whole thing, like I think it was like six, seven dollars or something, but she gave me a ten dollar bill. So she's like, oh, just pay me like exact change. And I was like, okay, cool. So I gave her three dollars, like let's say it was seven, she gave me ten, so I gave her the three dollars back. And then she, she goes in her pocket and she takes out a quarter and puts it in my hand. It was the cutest thing in the world.
And then I left there too and I was like.
I remember my grandmother.
Bitch.
But it was, it was super cute to be like, this fucking old woman is like.
Yeah, I remember my grandmother, when we would order food, like she would open a coin like bag and she, like the one that had like the clasp that like, it's like the two balls that like sit like this, you know what I'm talking about?
I love those things. I go like this.
I know, I just do it like that the whole time. But like she would literally open it and she would pick quarters out. And she'd be like, give this to them for a tip. I just, I don't, that guy is an idiot because that guy clearly like, he fumbled and he's probably pissed about it because he's like, how dare they, they just wanted to, you know, fuck you, give the person, they probably need it a lot.
I hate, I hate that, but I also hate the idea of just like, I'm ordering sushi takeout. And it's eighty bucks and I'm tipping twenty bucks.
Am I, like, am I, am I, am I wrong for that? I do it because I'm like paying it forward, but like.
I don't, I don't know. I honestly don't know. Like that's just never been my experience. Cause like, like I said, when I was delivering, I would, the, the most I was ever paid for a delivery was like twenty-five bucks. And that was because I had to go into their house and I had these catering dishes and I had to set those up and like this thing on fire, blah, blah, blah. And she gave me twenty-five bucks, which I was hype about. Um, cause you never get twenty-five dollars when you're driving around the neighborhood delivering shit. It's usually like, you know, three bucks here, five bucks here, three bucks here, like, but to get twenty-five dollars is like, wow. But then if you're, if someone's spending eighty dollars, which is a lot. And then you have to tip, you know, twenty percent on top of that. It's a, it's a lot. It gets up there, dude.
I'm, I'm more impressed at the fact that you delivered pizza prior to like online GPS, like GPS on your phone.
Did I ever tell you about my first day when I worked there? By the way, RIP, RIP.
You're done.
Oh, that's fucking heartbreaking.
The pizzeria that I, that I worked at is, they're, they were like a staple in the neighborhood and they're shutting down.
Why?
My sister, I don't know, my sister just went with her kids as like a last, like for being there.
Oh, why are they shutting down?
I think they may, like this week, I think.
Crazy, right?
Fucking breaks my heart, dude.
That is so sad.
Yeah, it's fucked up. But my first day of work at this place, it was a Friday night and I have my dad's giant red van. And I went to go pull into a parking space and mind you, I had been driving for like less than a year. I pull into a parking space, I hit the car next to me and the woman's in the car. So she gets out of the car and she's freaking out and I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. This is my first day of work. And she looks at the car, there's nothing wrong with either of our cars. So she's just kind of like, all right, whatever, like you're fine. Like just back up so I could get out. I was like, oh, thank God. I get into work. This has never happened my entire time working there. I get in there, the guy goes, you have eight orders. And I'm like, what? So I called my dad and I was like, I need you to drive.
So I was in the back of this van, my dad, and my dad's driving, I'm fucking slamming against the walls here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm yelling out addresses and I'm like, where's this? 23rd Terrace? What the fuck is that? And, and I'm like organizing them and then I'm running them out and blah, blah, blah. Like halfway through the shift though, he like left and I was able to figure it out, but I had no GPS. You, you just had to know.
Yeah, I mean, we also grew up in a pretty like, easy to understand neighborhood in terms of just like, all right, it's, it's a 40th and 20th Avenue, you know, like, okay, you could fit that, that's, that's a, that's one block. You can kind of piece it together from there.
You can read addresses, right?
Yeah, for the most part. I mean, like now, growing, like not growing up, but like living in like a more. Like
Yeah, that's
Outside of the city area where it'll just be like, you know, 1286 Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
Maple Drive.
Maple Drive, and I'm just like, come on, brother. What the fuck are we doing? And they're like, oh, it's right off of fucking Main Street, which is next to, and I'm like, Give me, give me the grid. I'm good with the grid.
In New York, it's like 2246 49th Street. So you know, 22 is the avenue. And it's the 46th House, not the 46th House, but like the house that says 46 on, on that street or avenue.
Yeah, and most of the houses went by twos. So it would be like-
It was like odds on one side, evens on the other.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. And then also, if it was on the avenue, it would be like-
It would be the avenue instead of the street.
Yeah, it would, so it would say like 4204, you know, because then you're like, oh, okay, it's, it's moving toward 43rd.
Way fucking easier.
I will say, we have avenues and streets, and that first batch, the first one I looked at, said 23rd Terrace. And I was like, I don't know where that is.
Yeah, I've never heard of 23rd Terrace.
It's by a story apart. It's like one of those like-
Yo, that whole area is such a fucking clusterfuck.
There's like half streets. I remember when I, when I used to drive to you when you lived in Long Island City. It was just like, I'm driving down 21st Street, and it's like 23rd Avenue, 23rd Road.
23rd
Drive.
Drive, 23rd Terrace, 23rd Circle, and I'm like, what the fuck is this?
Yeah, yeah.
You know, it was such a cluster.
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That 10% off at betterhelp.com/basementyard. So, enjoy that. I also have a question for the both of you. How much time do you think you spend on social media each day?
Maybe like, maybe, maybe an hour and a half, maybe two hours. It's probably a problem, honestly. Like, too much. I would say like, the baseline is too much.
I thought you were gonna give a number and you said too much.
I feel like this is an unfair question for me. It's like, it's the job and I run a lot of social media accounts.
That's true, yeah.
It's a lot.
But like, okay, so what amount are you just like?
Leisure?
Yeah. And I guess leisure is also like, like, when you have to post stuff, like, that's not a lot of time that you have to spend.
You're right, but then-
Like, you're spending time on it.
You're right, but then, once you get on there and you already post, it's like, well, I'm already on here. And you start scrolling. Probably a few hours, for sure.
Yeah, but that's so vague.
I feel like- Three, three to four, because at night, I'm scrolling.
Yeah, that's the thing, it's like, in the morning, in the mo- so in the morning, when I wake up, I'll like-
When I wake up, I put on my makeup.
Oh, I didn't know that's where you were going there. I'm sorry, I don't need to-
Feel a little bit of you.
I wanna look at my screen time.
Go ahead. Um, in the morning, when I, when I, uh, rise, um-
What is that, Jesus? What are you saying?
Uh, I sit there and like, I'll have like, my morning, like, you know, kinda like, drink routine or whatever, and I'll sit there and I'll scroll for a little bit, and then I'll, you know, get some stuff done.
TikTok, TikTok.
A little bit of this, a little bit of that. Mostly TikTok, I would say, honestly.
Um, but I also sit there and I'm like, what, what can I post? You know what I mean? Because I try to get like, ideas to post myself. And then, uh, and then at night.
You're just there.
Well, like, at night, so like, when it's, when all the kids are asleep, I put my phone down and I just, like, I hang with Becca and we'll watch something. But like, when the kids are awake and they're just like, leisurely watching something before bed.
I'm fucking-
Going on that thing.
But, yeah, I would say, whatever the answer is, I don't like it.
Because I, I feel like it, that's just one of those things where like, I feel like if you were to ask the most people, they would say that they spend too much time on social media.
Oh, yeah.
What about you?
Um, well, do you have your screen time?
Yeah, it's a lot.
On Tik, on TikTok, I was right, it's like three hours, three hours a day.
My total screen time, daily average is nine hours.
That's a lot.
But I do like, in the shower, I'm YouTubeing and I'm watching videos all the time.
You're YouTubeing in the shower?
Yeah, like, I like, I like listening to videos.
I used to do that, but I've stopped. I haven't done it in three years. Alright, it's not meth. I mean, I made it, oh, fuck you both. I made it, I made it like a resolution, something I wanted to do, and I stuck with it. To stop watching YouTube? Just to like, stop using my phone in places I didn't need to. Like, you know, like, I would throw a video on and I'd get in the shower. And you'd watch it while you're showering? No, I wouldn't watch it, I would just listen. Interesting.
Like, in the car, on long drives, I don't listen to music, I'll put on like, an informational podcast or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll listen to like, my like, movie talk stuff. Mm-hmm.
I have such, like, the misophonia thing is so real, I, like, dude, after doing that OPL episode and listening to what misophonia is, I was like, oh my god, I fucking have that, like, bad.
Can you explain it one more time?
It's, you're, I mean, I don't know exactly, like, you know, whatever, but you're very sensitive to like, sounds. So like, I can't do two things at once. If, if I can barely, like,
if I'm driving and the radio's on and someone's trying to talk to me, I can't do that. Like, that's too many things at once.
Alright, I guess.
And I can't like, I can't read unless it's absolutely silent. And like, if I'm watching TV and someone's playing something on their phone that's like, making noise, I can't. I'm, I like, it literally gives me like, a visceral reaction, I'm like, turn your fucking phone off.
Hmm, interesting.
It's just, I just can't do that.
I guess I have that for like, reading, for like, the three times a year I read. But like, if someone's like, if, if like, I'm watching a show and Beck is scrolling on her phone, that doesn't, that means nothing.
When you can hear it?
No, I can't, I can't.
It means nothing to me.
I would, I would be like, do you mind like, lowering that, like, to basically, and also, in return, I don't like even doing that. Because if I, if I'm on my phone and I'm watching stuff, but the TV's on, I'll lower the fuck out of mine. Cause like, I don't even wanna mix them. So it's like that.
Do you do the thing where you lower the music to park, like that kinda thing?
Absolutely.
Yeah, I do. I do that. If I'm like coming up on a place I've never been before, I lower it. I don't know why, don't ask me, it doesn't make sense.
It's just like focus, maybe?
Yeah, it's just like a comfort thing possibly.
Yeah, I don't know.
Um.
But I can't, like, I, I wouldn't be able to like shower and there's like a video. I'd be like, I'm, I'm clearly not. Watching that.
My screen time is also fucked too because like, on the days that I come in, I, just to get an idea of like what time I'm gonna be here and how, like, what is the best route to take home? Cause there's several routes. And if you take the wrong one on the way out of New York, you could be fucking finger blasted by donkey sauce traffic.
Not very gangster.
Yeah. But, most of my screen time during the week is like, on the days I come in, it's heavy because it's basically four, four and a half hours of Google Maps the whole time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know? So, but yeah, I, I, I think, I, I, I saw something recently that
the like, average screen time for people now is like doubled than it was like 10 years ago or something like that.
I mean, that makes sense.
Well, we had almost all the same apps, if, and the only thing that would be different is, instead of TikTok, it was Vine.
My daily average.
I guess we're gonna look this up.
Yeah, my daily average is five hours, 10 minutes.
My most used is TikTok.
That makes sense.
And then my next most used, these two by a large margin are TikTok and my text messages.
It's, it, that's me as well. I got TikTok, text messages, and then Instagram by a mile.
All three of those by a mile.
Uh, I'm trying to find screen time. I have a lot of Apple TV, that's fucking surprising.
If you go to Settings, it's right there. Uh, google.com.
I'm literally looking at Settings.
I wonder what everyone's, like, anyone who's watching this, I wonder what your screen time is?
Yeah, right, you can write in the comments.
My daily average is six hours forty-nine minutes. But again, if you look, you'll see the days that I'm in the car are significantly higher. Uh, and my most, yeah, my most by a while is TikTok. Oh, and then YouTube. Because like I'll throw on like-
Bro, YouTube have forty-six minutes.
A day?
I guess I'm never on YouTube.
I have like an hour a day, but again, that's because on my days in, I'll throw something on and listen to it.
You know? Did you ever do a phone detox?
What's that?
Yeah, Mad Times. You just seem like someone who would do it.
Yeah, do you want to hear how bad it was for me? I'll, I'll explain. Don't worry.
I got it.
You want to hear?
I still got it.
It seems like something I would do, right?
Oh, yes.
You don't even know the fucking half of it, eh?
Yeah, he was so calm.
So here's, here's what I did years ago. I, I bought a flip phone. I bought a flip phone and I got a new, it was twelve dollars a month. A, a new plan, like a new phone number. By the way, this lasted one month, or two months maybe.
Is the number still in use?
Oh, I still have it.
But I bought that because I was, this was also, I'm not gonna give the whole backstory of why this was happening during that time, but like,
whatever. I, I was mentally in a weird place with my job and whatever, and I just felt like I was spending too much time on social media and I didn't like it. So I was like, I need to get rid of this. So I bought a flip phone so that anytime I was like leaving the house, I would just take that. So if I was like going out with friends, or I go to dinner, or whatever, I would just take the flip phone. Cause it's like, don't, I don't need to be texted right now. Just call me on this if it's an emergency. That's the only reason why, like, that was the only reason why I was like convincing myself that I needed my phone on me all the time. Was because what if there's an emergency? It was like, well, I fixed that problem. So I did that. Two months. It was over. It was, it was interesting.
I think the, the, the attempt is admirable.
The, the intention was there, but it was.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I, I really try, like, when I'm not working, or when I'm not here, I, and like, I'm with the kids, or like, we're having like, family time or something. I put my phone down in like, the other room, and I leave it there on loud. Because like, same idea. If someone needs to get in touch with me, they'll call me. I hate when people are just like texting, and it's like, it's urgent, like, if you need me, call me. But, I, I think I probably need a phone detox. Because like, I don't know, I just feel like it's just like TikTok is just like,
It's just so easy to like.
It's just so easy and mindless. And like, it, to a point where like, I was having this conversation, like, conversation. I was thinking to myself the other day, like, oh, like, if I feel stressed, I open it and I scroll to not
feel stressed. And that's not good. You know what I mean? Like, the, the, the feeling stressed should be like, alright, figure it out, deal with it. Not like, let me just have this dopamine response to something. And I'm not like, sitting there like, oh my god, I love that. It's literally.
Just staring, yeah.
And it's just so fucking mindless, and I know I'm a child of this era, and like, I'm part of the problem, but like,
There's little things. I forgot who, who mentioned this, but it, it stuck with me, and I try, like, when I get into the modes where I'm very aware of, like, phone usage, there are moments where I'm like, okay, this is where I'm going to
earn some of my life back, essentially. Like, anytime you're standing in a line, or if I'm waiting for the elevator, or I get in the elevator, uh, in my building, or you're at a red light, or you're just waiting for something, everyone just pulls out their phone. Like, even if it's like, you know this is gonna be 30 seconds, people will just pull out their phone.
And like, I've done that a billion times.
But when I'm aware of it, I will just, I'll have to be like, don't do it. Like, I'll have to actively not grab my phone, because it's like muscle memory.
It is. It is muscle memory. And like, Like you won't even like, there have been times where I've gone to do it and I'd be like, what the fu- I have no reason to open these apps. I'm not checking on something in specific, you know, in particular or anything like that. I'm just doing it because my brain is telling me like, you have a moment, do it.
So like-
Do something.
I, yeah, exactly. So I have been, i- in the same regard, I have been like, one of those people that's just like, I don't need this right now. Like, I know, and I know I sound like a fucking addict, but like, we're all-
I mean, it is an addiction.
We're all kind of addicted in a way.
Without a doubt.
And like, we're going to have to figure out, eventually, how to break the cycle and fucking, because it's, it's a lot. There is definitely, bro, thirty years time, when our kids are like, in their thirties or forties or something, the, like, amount of research and data that comes out about smartphone usage is gonna fucking scare the shit out of us.
Because these things are also fifteen years old.
Yeah. Well, yeah. I feel like I'm always on, like, my brain, so I like it just because I could like, stop, just scroll.
But see, that's-
And I, I love it. I like, I, I get the problem.
Yeah, but that may be a byproduct of you just like, being an addict.
Maybe.
I'm scrolling.
And this- We might be getting too deep here, so forgive me if we are, but like, another reason I hate it is because I have been like, dealing with like, the feelings and effects of like, as our show is getting bigger, more and more people recognize us and stuff like that. And like, it's getting more uncomfortable for me, personally, and I'm sharing this just to be completely transparent. Sometimes when I open my phone, I feel like I need to be, even though I'm not around anyone and I'm not doing anything, I need to be a character. Like, i- i- it's so strange to think about, because like, I've said to myself, like, that doesn't make sense, but like, it feels like I need to be on. Like, I, I open it and I need to be in like,
cameras are on mode, you know, even if I know that they're not. I- it's just like a weird response my brain had, and I know I need to like- Put it down.
I think that maybe with time, that will go away. Cause I feel like there was a time for me, like when I first started doing internet stuff, right? I felt similarly, but then after a while, you kinda get this like,
this attitude, cause that's very interesting to hear you say that honestly, because now it's like, I'm remembering a feeling like that. A feeling like, before it was my job, it felt like I have to treat this like a job and I have to do something or, and it's, I'm not even doing anything, like I'm just like, I don't know, it's like a, a, it's in a, like an, an energy thing, sort of. I'm not like, like it's not like I'm scrolling my phone like, ah, like I'm doing something like that.
But it's this thing that you're like, oh, this, there's a purpose to me scrolling right now, or something like that.
After a while though, you know, through my little experiments of phones and, you know, being anti-social media forever, I feel like I've kind of gotten to a place now where I'm kinda like, I don't give a shit. Like I just like can't, you can't control any of that and it's all psychotic, so I'm just like, ah.
I think maintaining, I, look, it's the way of the world right now. I think finding and maintaining a healthy balance is the best, because like, it's, it's, in my opinion, sure, it might be admirable if you can like completely remove yourself from social media and stuff, but you're also missing out on a major component of modern society.
Which, you know, if you wanna be one of those people, go for it, but like, I don't think the answer is just like, have nothing, get off it, get rid of smartphone.
Go live in the woods.
Yeah, I don't think that does anything, like, I think the, unless it's like with certain instances with like other thing on, but I'm specifically talking about smartphones and technology use here, like, I think that's where it's about finding a healthy balance, healthy usage. You know, like you're never gonna hear someone say like, oh, you're an alcoholic, you should learn how to drink in moderation. Like, you should probably not drink at all.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, also, one thing that really got me was like, Think about why you're doing any of it. And like that to me is like the easiest way to find the balance is like, think about why you're doing anything on social media. Like there was a time where I would go places and it's like I would post stories about where I was or I would try to make, I would try to take like an artistic photo of this and like post that and whatever. But then like if you really sit with the idea of like, why am I doing that? Like it's very cheap to be like, I'm entertaining people. And it's like, bro, you took a picture of a can. Like be real with yourself.
Like that's a lazy answer to be like, oh, that's why I'm doing it is because I, it's my job or whatever about like, it's bullshit though. Like, how many of your actions are you doing? And then you're like, eventually someone asks you that and then you go, I don't know why. Like, I don't know why I'm doing that.
Like, and there was so many instances where I felt like, I don't even know why I'm doing that. And then I was like, I'm not doing any of that shit anymore. Like, I don't, I don't wanna, I like there being a very like separated thing. I like doing this show, especially because we get to just like talk and be ourselves and it's not like, you know, fucking, you know, we don't have to like put on some huge act or anything like that. But I like their feeling like I have my real life and I have this thing and you know, people enjoy this thing and I love that and it's my job and I love doing it. But I like this too. Like, I like that they're separate shit.
Yeah, we, we occupy a weird space too, because like we are also finding that like,
in today's society, something can go mega viral and you could become very successful.
Seemingly overnight. I mean, look at fucking Haley Welch. You know, like, I don't know what-
Haley Welch, Haktua?
Haktua.
Got it.
Mrs. Tua.
Like, literally went from being, you know, working a-
Spring factory.
Spring factory job to the next day and for several weeks thereafter, the biggest like star on the internet.
You know, so like, the current mentality is just like, oh, I can use this leisurely.
And just like maybe, you know, just continue to work my regular job. Or I can do it with the intent of like, maybe something will happen one day. You know, which is like such a strange space to occupy. Like no, you've never heard of people in like previous generations like basically working a job and a half like. And like one of them is like passive to like the hopes that it blows up.
Dude, it's also like kinda freaky. The internet's so scary dude. Like, you remember, you know when like, uh, very famous people have complaints and then people be like, "Well, you signed up for it," like blah blah blah. It's like every time you post on social media now because of like how quickly people can go viral. People can say that about you. Like anytime you post anything, it's like, "Well, you signed up for it." The second you posted that. You're not like a celebrity who's been in a bunch of movies and now it's like, "I can't even leave my house." What about people complaining or taking pictures of me or doing whatever the fuck blah blah blah. It's like you could just post something and then the next day, you're the biggest thing in the world. And then everyone's gonna find a reason to hate you.
Yeah, because it's not them. Because it's not, because, because you did what those other people, like I said, like those other people hoped happened to them. So they fucking hate you for it because the way you went about it was stupid. I mean like.
It's crazy.
Let's use fucking Mrs. Welch, not Mrs., Ms. Welch as an example like. I'm sure people hate her not because of anything other than the fact that she got famous for talking about.
Well, originally, the rug pull really did it, but. Yeah.
I think that's a better example because like she, there was a street interview on someone else's thing.
So like what happened to her is like, okay, I get like, yeah, she didn't really ask for that. But the people who post and then go mega viral and then complain, it's like, well, you did kinda sign up for that.
Uh, see, I don't know if I necessarily agree with that because the intent is not always behind going viral. Also. She didn't post that herself.
Well, that's why, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that, that's, I think that's a, a good example, is her, like, in this whole thing, because she didn't X for that. And, and it happened to her. That's a good example. But people who do post, it's like, well, then why did you?
I think that everyone should be under the assumption that if you're getting in front of any sort of camera, you are one second away from having to live with whatever you're saying on camera.
But that's what I'm, yeah, yeah.
That, that wasn't the case forever. Like, even when I first started doing YouTube, no one, like, had one video and then you're somebody, like, you had to have some sort of consistency and then you were, like, with the groups of people and, and, you know, working with this person, that person, and you kind of established yourself. But now, it's like, it doesn't even matter. Like, they, they, it goes like this. Like, one person go crazy violently, the coolest thing in the world, and then no one cares, like, a month later. But for that one month, everybody's looking at you and everyone's expecting, like, you to have opinion, uh, like, an opinion on everything and also, like, it be correct and, like, they, they can judge you and say whatever. Like, you have to be under the assumption that everything you say will be like, not like a cop held against you.
Yeah, I mean, but also, like, when you started doing it, the only place that that stuff lived was basically just on YouTube.
Now.
It wasn't even Instagram.
It wasn't.
That makes me feel so old.
Yeah, you are. You are, you are. Like, it was before, like, all, so now, if you post, like, this, it's on YouTube, and then it's on TikTok. Some of it by, by us, like, are doing, but, like, you see that there are people that make their clips a, a, and like, then it's everywhere. And then people that are, like, like, it's just, it, it spreads like wildfire, and yes, correct. Then everyone is just like, well, you put it out there, you're inviting the criticism, you're inviting, you know, it's, it's, it's strange, so like.
It, it also starts to get dicey when, like, you use its benefits and then complain about its negativities as well. Like, in the same, like, vein of.
That's the only thing that I struggle with is because I, I really used to have the mentality, and we might have even, like, an earlier episode of the show that you and I did, like, talked about, like, well, if you're famous and people come up to you, you signed up for it. But like, I've kind of done a 180 on it, because two things can be true at the same time. Like, You can have fame and notoriety and an amount of celebrity whether small or large. But like with that should come a reasonable expectation of privacy. You know, and respect. Just because you're a person on a thing or in a thing doesn't mean like, oh, then then all fucking rights have gone for that person entirely. Bro, that happened to me and I'm going to speak about this very candidly. I doubt this person is watching this.
But like I went out with Becca and the kids, maybe like two weeks ago. And I was standing in line for something and a guy came up with his sister, partner, whatever, I don't know. And he's like, listen, I'm a huge fan. I don't want to bother you. Came to your Radio City show last year. It was so much fun. Congrats on everything. Do you mind if we take a picture? Yes. Okay. Yeah, of course. No problem. Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate it. We took a picture. There was a girl standing behind me and she goes, can I ask you a question? I go, yeah. She goes, does that make you uncomfortable? And I was like, sometimes, you know, sometimes when they're not being respectful or something. And she's like, yeah, I could see that, you know? And I was like, yeah, you know, it's just like, it could, it's a strange world to live in.
Five minutes later, not even, she goes, can I take a picture with you? Like, and I have no problem doing it because like she was kind and I have, you know, like it's a moment like for this person. Okay, but you asked and you got the information that was like.
Oh, so in your mind, it's like, you know, this makes.
You know, it's making me a little uncomfortable, but like that doesn't matter to you in that moment. And it's just, it's a weird space to occupy. And, and I think that you could make an argument. And again, like I said, in 30 to 40 years, when all these documentaries and long-term studies are coming out about the effects of social media, that's when we're going to be like, holy shit, this is crazy.
Yeah. What, I'm curious, what, what, what about like people recognizing you makes you uncomfortable?
It's not people recognizing me that makes me uncomfortable. I, I consider myself very lucky. I really do.
But I'm saying like specifically where you're like, yeah, sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.
Well, in that situation, I was with Becca and the kids.
Yep.
Which that makes me a little uncomfortable because like, I'm here with my family, I'm chasing kids around, like you see, so like, you're gonna ask me for a picture. I have to keep my eyes on this child. And I, and I always ask, anytime I've been with the kids and someone's asked for a picture, I say, as long as the kids are not in the picture. You know, because that's not them, you know, like, I don't want them to be involved in that. So like, that, and then sometimes too, like, and I'm sure you get this, sometimes I just wanna go and grab something, and I'm not fucking Taylor Swift, or some massive celebrity that it's like crazy, but like, I'm sometimes in the mood where I just don't want to be bothered. I wanna go and buy something at Target and then just go home with complete anonymity.
You know, and that's changed. Completely transparent, you know, being completely transparent. So like, I, I just think that like, that moment in particular was like, that person had information. I gave them what they asked for. I, yeah, it is, it, it, yes, it makes me a little uncomfortable. Okay. Didn't matter to them.
Okay. No, I was at, but like,
is the uncomfortableness that you're feeling like, like, what do you think is the root of that? It's just like, I don't wanna interact with a stranger right now?
Sometimes, sometimes it's also like, I think we are, we're very transparent with who we are, with the people that listen.
And I think that when they see me, they, like, sometimes they want the Frank in front of the camera.
You know, or the Joe in front of the camera. So it'll be like, yo, douchebag, what's up, brother? Fucking, hot dogs, yeah. And you know, I play into it a little bit, but like, You're not always ready for that. At least I'm not personally, you know?
Yeah. I mean luckily I haven't really experienced that too often where people are kinda like, whatever. And like, I don't mind seeing people in, in public. The only thing, I mean it's uncomfortable because I just don't, I don't get it. Like I just can't really understand. I don't, I don't view, like. My, my life doesn't feel that important. Like I, like I don't understand people having a reaction to seeing me to the point where they wanna take a picture with me. I don't, I don't get that. Like, it does, cause I don't feel like that. Like, I, I, and it's weird, sometimes I see celebrities acting like celebrities and I'm like, are they, like, lying to themselves? Or, or are they just like living very differently than me? You know what I mean? Like?
I feel like you have to cross this line eventually where you just submit of like, yes, it is me here and like, and I'm gonna wear a disguise cause I'm so popular and I, I just can't get myself to that point because it's like, I, I just don't get it. Like I don't get. In the case of me, like maybe for other people, it's like, like legendary people where it's like, you've been entertaining people for fifty years and, you know, people never see you. So like now it's like cool or whatever the fuck, but like, I don't know, for me, it's like, I, I don't, I just don't understand it. Like that's the only part that gets me uncomfortable. I'm not uncomfortable by people approaching me or, or like, you know, wanting to take pictures or anything. It just, the part that makes me uncomfortable is when I, that does happen
and then other people around are looking like, who the fuck is that? And now people are just staring at you and I'm kinda like, oh god, like. Cause people will make their judgments, like who the fuck does that kid think he is or whatever. And it's like, oh, I might even, I don't even wanna, you know, do this because I feel like, I don't wanna explain myself. Cause there's been times where people are like, who are you? And I'm like, oh, I don't even wanna answer that.
I hate, I hate that question.
Like that's, that's an awkward one, but I honestly, in the last. Five years have not had anything that really stands out to me where I felt like this was a horrible interaction and I and I hated that and it made me extremely uncomfortable or whatever. For the most part, you know, especially in New York, if I go out, people will recognize me, but it's usually like very quick, you know, sometimes there's a picture, sometimes there's not, and it's super fun and everyone just keeps pushing.
I'm not even saying that these interactions are negative, like these 99% of the people are kind and and very, very, very, very sweet and, you know, are not being disrespectful at all. You know, it's and and it's not like I am very appreciative of it because I am well aware that like it might not be like this forever and I'm very okay with that because like it's those people that are putting us in these positions that we could do this, that we could do fucking Madison Square Garden, but like there is a level to it that just is uncomfortable for me because it's like this this interaction is is it's in a bubble, it's not a real human interaction like it and and I just like you're saying like who am I supposed to be in this
situation?
You know, like I I feel like myself and to that person, it's just it's it's I'm still wading through trying to figure it out.
That's a better way of sort of explaining it, it's like I feel like me, but the person you feel like I am, I don't feel like that, so do I have to pretend to be like that?
It's strange, yes, yes, so sometimes I'm like, oh shit, and they're not doing anything like overtly most of the time to make me feel that way, but it's just like they know me as this.
So like if they're seeing me and they see me as that, like do I have to be that like right now?
Like you wanna be, but also you kind of feel like bad because you're like, I don't know if I can do that.
Yeah, and again, they're not doing anything, it's it's me, it's really just me wading through.
It's a mental thing.
It's wading through trying to figure this all out and and it's difficult.
And if you're if you're watching this and you're a little confused, like just imagine that like all of a sudden you would go out and people, you know, are are are like know you, like strangers like know your name and then some people want to take pictures with you and some people like reference things in your life that you didn't even know people knew like. If that happened enough, like eventually you become a little desensitized to it, but if it happened enough, you'd be like, okay, this is sort of weird. It sort of changes how I behave a little bit. Cause like even for me, if I go out somewhere and this has been happening to me for a while, Flex. Uh, but this has been happening to me for a while, but if I'm out at a place and I know that people have come up to me and even they're super nice and you know, whatever. I think some like not now, but like for a period of time that would
reflect in my behavior. Cause I would feel like, oh, I don't feel like I can be totally myself now because someone's looking at me and, and I don't even think they're doing this, but I think me having, being insecure of feeling like, oh, I have to like be somebody now, cause people here are expecting.
That's exactly what I just said.
Yeah, like it's like, oh no, now I have to like, I don't know. It's like a weird feeling.
No, it is.
It's not real. I'm doing it to myself.
Yes. And, and that's exactly what I just said. And ninety, ninety-nine percent of the time, all of the interactions have been kind and they've had such nice things to say about us and our show and, and, but it's just like, it's just a weird thing. And then like you said, the people like that someone will come up and take a picture and then literally I had a guy at a pizzeria go, who the fuck are you?
What am I, what am I supposed to say to that? You know what I mean? Like, and I know it's, it's a New York, New Jersey thing where they, they're not impressed by anything. You know what I mean? It's like, who the fuck are you? I don't give a fuck. You know, you play for the Yankees. I only like that. Like it, it's, it's a very weird space to live in and uh, yeah.
You don't play for the Yankees. We know that, right?
Fucking crazy. Absolutely fucking crazy. We're talking, we're having a nice conversation and that's what you chime in with, you fuck?
Yeah, but let's, let's just get this out of the way. You don't play for the fucking.
I have gotten, yo, I gotta admit, I thought I was meeting the catcher for the Mets today. I swear to God.
Well, his name is Francisco Alvaro.
Yeah. Recently someone said to me like, oh, I, I, I, there was a small part of me that was excited. I might've been going to the, you know, meet the catcher of the Mets.
That's so funny.
And I'm like, nope. You know, no, I, no, I am not the catcher for the Mets.
Nope, but uh.
That's all I got.
Yeah, well, we didn't do finance-
You used to be a catcher, at least.
I was a catcher, never for the Mets.
You know, but, that was, uh, listen, the finance bros conversation, this, I mean-
We waited till the end of the episode, it wasn't the entire episode, which is good.
It was a couple minutes.
Yeah, it's totally fine. And I'm gonna sweat my ass continually off.
Yeah, it's hot, ta ta ta ta ta.
Uh, but, thank you guys so much for-
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
You know what that's wrong?
Anyway, uh, thank you guys so much for making it through that conversation, a little venting sesh, a little therapy with me and Frank, no big deal. Um-
Joey loves these episodes.
What?
Like where I like, we have like, deep conversations.
Well, I gotta trick you into therapy, because I know you're not going. Uh, but you guys, thank you so much for watching, uh, you know, like Frank said earlier, go to thebasementyard.com, get tickets to our shows that are coming up soon, uh, there's still some tickets left, uh, a couple of shows left, and we are super excited, thank you to everyone who joins the Patreon, uh, patreon.com/basementyard, you can follow me at Joe Sanagato, go follow the show at The Basement Yard on everything, where can they find you?
You can find me with a mouthful of tiramisu.
And that is all, see you guys next time.
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