#510 - I Got Married To A.I.

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• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  Welcome back to the basement.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  Welcome back to the basement yard. There he is, in his Hawaiian shirt, nice and hot out. Why are you acting so cool?

• 0:50Speaker 01

  I hope that people can see what Frank's doing, because I'm not enjoying it. Oh, he's making, he's flexing his muscles.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Nah, I'm just living.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  And you're looking off into the distance.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  He...

• 1:00Speaker 02

  I'm just living.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Okay. The way that you're rubbing...

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Why, can I ask you a question?

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  Why is this, like, the go-to move for, like, people that are, like, getting into business or something?

• 1:16Speaker 01

  What is, what, what does that phrase mean?

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Well, like, when people would be like, they're about to get into something. Like, whether it be food, or like...

• 1:24Speaker 01

  Oh, you're like, "Ooh."

• 1:25Speaker 02

  And, yeah, and they're like, "Ooh." Or like, you'd always see, like, in rap videos. Like Birdman. Let's be honest, it's always Birdman.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  He's always rubbing...

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Birdman. Birdman was the one that would just be looking at it and he'd just be like...

• 1:37Speaker 01

  Stunner. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  And listen, I love Birdman. I got no, no, no gripes with Birdman.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  That'd be weird if you had gripes with Birdman.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, who might have gripes with Birdman?

• 1:47Speaker 01

  You don't, you don't deserve a gripe.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Hey, Birdman. You're damn right I don't deserve a gripe with Birdman. He has done way more in his life. And he's just like, like, what, but why, why is this like...

• 1:57Speaker 01

  I don't know, I don't know.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  Like, I'm getting into something. Do you wipe your hands for anything, outside of cleaning them?

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Do you, I feel like you would be someone who, like, you know, you're excited about food and you're like, "Ooh." You see?

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Why is that crazy?

• 2:11Speaker 02

  You know, I always, I'm always reminded of, did you see, I don't know if you've ever seen these, but like, every now and then I get like cringe TikTok compilations.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  And one of them is like, a girl who's like-

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Frank? I almost killed myself with my own phone that day.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  I wanted to fucking, well, she's like looking at the pancakes, she's like,

• 2:34Speaker 02

  and it's just like, uh, and behind her.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  There's a person behind her just being like, what the fuck are you doing?

• 2:40Speaker 02

  I just, like, I see that, like, that's, when you, yeah, when you say that to me,

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  you put me in the same classification as that person.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  No, I, that, those things I think are on different planets.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  He does, right? He absolutely does.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  No, those are on different planets.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  Are they on different planets? If I'm getting into food, I'm just, I'm sitting down, I'm not warming my hands up, my hands are ready.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  I'm ready for whatever food is in front of me.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Food is ready. But like, we've talked about it before, we're both the type of person that like, sometimes, when you get into bed and it's really comfy, you're like, ooh, yeah.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  And you like kick your feet like a pig?

• 3:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. I am a, I'm a squealing little fucking gutter pig and when I get in bed.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  I know, so that's why like this isn't that crazy to be like, ooh, ribs.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I just don't, like, I get why people, like, it's just kind of a thing that people do now, I'm saying, why is that what they do though?

• 3:30Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Like, where did that come from? Like, we can kind of trace back the origins to most stupid shit that we do, you know? Like, when people are like, woof, you know, like, wah, you know, wah. I'm trying to get it right.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Phew.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Phew is what you-

• 3:51Speaker 02

  Sound like fucking Mario, Mario pantomimes. Like, that's come from like wiping a brow, you know, after physical labor, but people do it now as just like a, whoa, that was close, you know? I, I just, I don't get-

• 4:07Speaker 02

  Ooh, here we go. What, like, maybe it's like an ancient times thing.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  I wouldn't think this deeply about it, to be honest with you.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  I mean, it's worth knowing.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  I think it's just like, I don't know, people are excited, like, they make like, ah.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Well, that's why they do it now. It's because they're just like, eh.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  You do that, though. Like, when you get excited, you like, you get in here and you get squeaky. I think I do too, sometimes.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  I, not in front of people.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  You're a squeaker, though.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  What have I done to deserve this attack today? Have I done anything to you?

• 4:36Speaker 01

  I'm not saying it's even negative, I'm just saying you are a squeaker.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  A squeaker in what regards?

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Like that.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  See, now this, this seems...

• 4:45Speaker 01

  I mean, there's gonna be a compilation now.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  This seems all...

• 4:47Speaker 01

  There's gonna be a compilation now.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  There's no compilations of anything.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  TBY unhinged.

• 4:51Speaker 02

  No, don't, don't, hinge yourself. I, when I do get excited, I do like, I get like, pent up. It's funny because...

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you, you make fists.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  I get very like, I don't know where to put it. You, you, you remember that couple that was like violently bullied on TikTok for the love surge thing?

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  We made fun of them. Not us, but like, the world made fun of them. But like, honestly? I kinda see what they got going on there, because like, I'm sometimes so fucking excited, I just shake, and I don't know what to do with it. Like, I have, like, like, if I'm just so into something, it's like, fuck, you know? And I don't know what to do.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  I, I don't know.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  But sometimes it becomes like, eh.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, you just wanna like grit your teeth until they explode out of your mouth.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Yes. Oh, yes!

• 5:39Speaker 01

  You know, I know, I know what you mean.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  Fuck, yeah!

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  You know?

• 5:43Speaker 01

  Motherfucker. What'd you just say?

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Like that.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  Motherfucker?

• 5:46Speaker 02

  I...

• 5:47Speaker 01

  What?

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Motherfucker. Yeah, but, I'm not, I wouldn't call myself a squeaker by any stretch of the imagination.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  You're a little squeaky.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  You're a squirter, how about that?

• 5:56Speaker 01

  I'll take it. I don't think I've ever squirt. I don't know why I said thing. I'm shirting that I haven't squirt.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  You shirting you haven't been squirting?

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I have not. But if you out there get really excited, uh, that you wanna squeak or squirt? We have some squirty news for you. Squeaky news?

• 6:21Speaker 01

  If you wanna squirt, start listening.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Definitely not the messaging. This is weekly, Joe.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  You want something to squirt over? Or something to squeak over?

• 6:31Speaker 02

  This is, this is weekly.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  I know.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  This is weekly.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  I know, and I'll be honest with you, 408 degrees in here and I will be wet by the end of this thing. Not in that way.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, there you go.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  My head's squirting.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  This is a wet episode.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  It's a wet episode.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  The, the, the moistment yard.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Don't try to make names.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Oh, you like that, right?

• 6:50Speaker 01

  The moistment yard.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Let's just talk about moist stuff. By the way, me saying moist, there are those three like pick-me people listening to this that are just like,

• 7:00Speaker 02

  you know, like they can't hear the word moist.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Never thought that word was that bad.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's fine. I have, we have a friend who can't hear the word moist or towelette and they do the whole like,

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Towelette?

• 7:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, moist towelette.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  I don't mind.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  And they're like,

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Moist is so close to mist and mist, I love mist.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Mist.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Mist is great.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Oh, finding one of those misty fans at like Six Flags or Splish Splash.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  I was thinking of more being near a waterfall and getting some real mist.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  When have you been near a waterfall, Joey?

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Many times hiking.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Go outside, there's rocks and waters.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  I go outside.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  I go outside.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  I live outside.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  I live outside.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  Okay?

• 7:41Speaker 01

  I live outside.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  I live in the outside. I mean, I've seen like small waterfall. When you say waterfall, I'm thinking like the ones in like movies.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Okay, well, there's waterfalls like that are not, like, they're not like,

• 7:53Speaker 02

  By definition, the water is falling.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  That's not what I'm saying.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  Oh, what are you saying?

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Just there's different sizes. They're not all the size of, you know, fucking Niagara Falls, but.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  You been to Niagara Falls? Do you care to go to Niagara Falls?

• 8:06Speaker 01

  Not, not particularly.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Here it's not very nice, like the surrounding area.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  It's like, oh, this, this is what I thought it was.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  The falls are falling.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  You know, it is falling over here. And then now I would go home. Cause what else are you gonna do?

• 8:18Speaker 02

  I would like to,

• 8:20Speaker 01

  I would go on the boat, if anything.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  That's what I was gonna say. I'd go on the boat and just be wet.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  In a poncho?

• 8:26Speaker 02

  And just like in a poncho, but, but like honestly, if you're going on that boat, take the poncho off.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, get soaking wet, you bitch.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Idiots.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Get soaking wet.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  I was the type of kid at the water parks that like found the spot where the bucket, the big bucket of water hit the most intense.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  You remember that?

• 8:42Speaker 03

  What's that mean?

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, Ant Noth.

• 8:43Speaker 03

  Oh, the ones that would just fall randomly?

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, and like you would like scan around and you would find where was like you'd get hit the best. And then you'd hit it and it'd just fucking, and you'd like tense up when you're getting hit by all this water.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  I used to love going to Splish Splash dude. It's like a perfect afternoon. You get up early, you get there, you got some sandwiches in the middle of the day, you take a break, you go to the parking lot, you eat a little bit. And you get back in there, you go to the wave pool, you almost drown, you get home, you get a fever for the next three days.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Yup.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Good.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, no.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  You're chilling. Someone takes a dump in the wave pool.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  You get some of that water in your mouth and then you contemplate like how long you have to live.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  You get some pizza that is immediately out of the oven and the hottest it's ever been and then by the time it's edible, it's completely cold.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  And then you get a fifteen dollar churro.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  You get a fifteen dollar churro, you go over to the fountain drink machine and you have to fight off four hundred wasps that are there because of all the sugar that had been dropped on the ground.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  It's true. It's so true.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  There was a laundromat by our house called Splish Splash. My friend's dad decided to take his son to Splish Splash, went to the laundromat instead and went home.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  This guy didn't know that the Splish Splash in your, that it wasn't in your neighborhood?

• 9:53Speaker 03

  He was a child.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Oh, like, he didn't do it as like a joke? Like, I'm gonna teach you a lesson?

• 9:57Speaker 01

  His dad brought him there?

• 9:59Speaker 03

  He said, "Oh, we're going to Splish Splash, get in the car."

• 10:01Speaker 01

  Oh, was he fucking with him?

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, I thought his dad was an idiot.

• 10:04Speaker 03

  Oh, no, and then they went to the laundromat and just went home.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  I thought his dad was a fucking idiot.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Dad's a piece of shit. We could say that, right?

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  I thought it was funny.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Is his dad alive?

• 10:12Speaker 03

  Yep, still kicking.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Give it time.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  So close.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  It'll happen.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Get it done?

• 10:19Speaker 01

  No, I said, "Give it time." Get it done. Kill him. No, um, but yeah, if you want some squirty news.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  We don't need to say it like that. It's, it's, it's, it's good news, but who are we to say if it is squirt-worthy? Squorthy?

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Squirly?

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Squirvy?

• 10:36Speaker 01

  I know.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  Squorthy?

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Got it. So, we have shows that are coming up and we have a special guest that is coming to three of them, okay? We're talking about Atlantic City, we're talking about Vegas, and we're talking about... What are we talking about?

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Hollywood, Florida.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  In Hollywood, Florida. Forgot that one. Hollywood, Florida, Las Vegas, and Atlantic City in New Jersey. We have a special guest that's gonna be opening up the shows for us, in addition to Schmed, because he's not going anywhere.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  We've tried to get rid of him.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  We tried, we tried, we can't peel him off of the lineup.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  He's gonna hear that and be like, "Bro, fuck..." He's like, "Honestly, bro, I'm an honest guy, it's like, I'm good, I'm totally good. I'm totally good." Fuck it, alright. "I don't need you to fuck with me." "No, no, no, no, don't worry about it." "Oh, yeah, alright." That's what Ahmed's gonna do. And he's gonna see this, he'd be like, "I think the show is on." "They think the cameras are on." Yeah, okay, yeah, they'll show you real funny.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  He can't say anything to that.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Anything.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  When we're on tour, it's like, "Uh, the show's tomorrow, so save the jokes."

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Literally any joke you made, whether it be a dinner, anything. He's gonna be like, "Just so you know, there's no crowd right here, right now." "The show's tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow."

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Uh, but for those three shows, Danny is gonna open up the shows for us. Danny LoPiori, um, you guys know him, he's gonna open up the shows in AC, Hollywood, Florida, and Las Vegas. So, uh, if you don't have tickets, you can go to thebasemeyard.com, buy tickets to those shows, and, uh, yeah. Little special guest's gonna open up for us, um, in those shows, so...

• 12:14Speaker 02

  We should have Danny and Ahmed fight onstage, fistfight onstage, to see, like, what happens.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  That would be so interesting. Because now we're talking about two people who cry a lot.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  And Danny has the weight, not that he's a big dude, but like, he's bigger than Ahmed.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  It's the power.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  And, but Ahmed has, I think, the length and the wingspan.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  He might.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Ahmed's arms are like the Cloverfield monster. He's got long arms.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Does he?

• 12:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's got long arms.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I never even really noticed the length of his arms.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's got long ones, so.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  What?

• 12:54Speaker 01

  I just spit something.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Why, why, how come when you spit, it's fine? When I spit, it's not?

• 12:59Speaker 01

  What does that mean?

• 13:00Speaker 02

  I spit on the, on the, the episode. This is a very wet episode.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  But you, what are you talking about when you're like drinking something and you spit all over the table?

• 13:08Speaker 02

  That's accidental. I mean, like, if I'm just like.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Spit?

• 13:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  We'll spit it up?

• 13:16Speaker 01

  We're not spitting. Um, but yeah, so go get tickets, uh, thebasemeyard.com, uh, for that. Also, there is another announcement coming very soon, uh, about the New York show. So be on the lookout for that. It's gonna be coming very fucking soon, very fucking soon.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Okay, uh, so the New York show, it's gonna be very exciting, but yo, I'm starting to go. I'm starting to sweat.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  You're starting to sweat?

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Uh, but yeah.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  You're getting a little wet over there? Are you squirting from your pores?

• 13:45Speaker 01

  I am squirting. My arms are squirting.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  Really?

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Yo, one time I had to be on a steroid for like medical reasons. When I say, I literally felt the drip. Come on. I've literally felt the sweat dripping from my arms. Like, I felt it like start, form, and drip.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Cause you had sensitive skin or because it was like you were sweating a lot?

• 14:05Speaker 02

  I, I, I was taking a, people take steroids for like medical reasons, like if they needed to do something like.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  I'm aware for.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  But like, it was the, the, the effects of it, like the doctors told me like, yo, you can't drink on this, you can't work out on this. Because it, it, like, it needs to just do what the medicine is doing, you know?

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  And I remember, like, literally, the sweat was pouring from my armpits.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  Literally?

• 14:28Speaker 02

  And I'm not a sweaty guy, dude. You are on the other hand.

• 14:31Speaker 01

  My head sweats a lot.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  You on the other hand are the sweaty as fuck.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  You sweat.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  I do, but it's not like my head.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Your pits.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  It's mostly, it's, it's some of my pits and it's mostly my grundle bones.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  But you also, you have some shirt, white shirts and the pits look like.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Well, I blame that on, on a, on a, on a, on a deodorant brand that I'm not gonna air out here. Because I, I bought that deodorant for the reason it was like all natural, yada, yada, yada. People are like, you don't want aluminum in your armpits. What, what the fuck did these aluminum, what the fuck did deodorant ever do to me?

• 15:05Speaker 01

  We don't know.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  But I wanna know regardless, like...

• 15:10Speaker 02

  It was, so it was whatever that deodorant was, it was literally turning my shirts, like the underarms, black. I'm not even kidding. I had to get rid of a ton of shirts. I was so pissed. Because they were really nice t-shirts that I liked.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  I was gonna say, it looked like you were trying to conceal the smell of your pits with dirt.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  Yo, I get, yes. That's exactly what it looked like. And I was so pissed.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  What does that look like?

• 15:31Speaker 02

  Right now, it looks okay.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're good.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  It's a little dirty!

• 15:36Speaker 01

  It's a little discolored!

• 15:38Speaker 02

  It's a little dirty!

• 15:38Speaker 01

  It's a little bit!

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Well, it's an undershirt. What are you expecting it to do? It's doing its job. It's under my shirt.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  That's all it needs to do.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  It's what, it's doing its literal job. The same way that Jackass...

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Did its job.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Did its job.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  How can you tell when something's an undershirt and an oversh- and a shirt?

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Technically...

• 15:58Speaker 01

  An overshirt's different.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Anything with buttons is not an undershirt.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  That, I'm just talking about like a white tee.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  A white tee could be an undershirt too.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  But it could be just a shirt.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it could be both. But there are certain grades of, of t-shirts that are meant specifically, like they're thinner and they're not meant to be like overt, like maybe even a little see-through sometimes.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  I don't like undershirts.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  I like them, I'm, I'm using them more because I've... It's a comfort thing, honestly. I find, I find-

• 16:25Speaker 01

  They're comfortable?

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it like-

• 16:27Speaker 01

  What do you find? You said you find. What do you find?

• 16:30Speaker 02

  I find that I feel more comfortable with an undershirt on than without one.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  Does that, is that because you like fabric up against your skin?

• 16:36Speaker 02

  I think so, and I think I don't like-

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Do you like to be topless?

• 16:40Speaker 02

  No. I don't like to be naked.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  You don't like to be topless?

• 16:43Speaker 02

  No, I don't. I don't, and it has nothing, I've always been like that.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  You don't like, yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Like, you know, we could sit here and parse through my ability to be active the last couple of weeks, but like... I just don't like being naked.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  Topless.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Or topless.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  What about bottomless? What are you more likely to be? Pantsless or topless?

• 17:07Speaker 02

  That's a great question.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  So you think that it's, it might be, it's so close-

• 17:12Speaker 02

  I'm more likely to be pantsless.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  So you walk around like Winnie the Pooh?

• 17:17Speaker 02

  I have a robe on. What do you count? How do you count that?

• 17:21Speaker 01

  I meant you're.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  When I'm wearing a robe, most of the time I have a shirt on and just in my boxers. There's sometimes where I have just boxers. There's sometimes where I have shorts and no shirt.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Do you ever go, you ever go, you know, meet out?

• 17:36Speaker 02

  At, who do you think I am?

• 17:38Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  What home do you think I'm running?

• 17:39Speaker 01

  I'm just saying like.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  You think this is just a fucking nudity fest?

• 17:44Speaker 01

  I'm not saying you live in a commune and you're like.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  It's basically what you're saying.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  I'm saying when you have the privacy of being in your own.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  I like to be, I, I like to be clothed in some capacity. I don't like to be naked.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  What about footless? That's not what I meant to say.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  That's not a thing.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  Barefoot.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Uh, mostly I'm in socks.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Mostly in socks?

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Mostly in socks. I sleep in socks sometimes. Most of the time, I should say.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  What determines that?

• 18:10Speaker 02

  If I fall asleep with socks on.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought you were like.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  If it's like, it needs to be, I need to be like extra uncomfortable for me to take my socks off. But I'm pretty good and, and, and you might make fun of me. I think. I have no basis for this, but I think my Hispanic heritage, my Colombian heritage, has something to do with my body's ability to, to regulate heat. I'm never like too hot. I'm never too cold. I'm always like, oh, it's a little hot, but I'm okay. Or, oh, it's a little cold, but I'm okay. And I've always been.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  I get hot and cold.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  Well.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  I get hot and cold.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  I mean, mostly I have a baseline of.

• 18:49Speaker 02

  Because your ancestors were in fucking.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  Careful.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Your ancestors were in castles and shit, you fucking colonizers.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  First of all.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  That's the British. Yeah, we probably did.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  The Italian? Maybe not, maybe not the Irish.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, I don't know.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  The Italians.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  What?

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Christopher Columbus, wasn't he Italian?

• 19:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he sailed for Spain. We were just trying to do a job.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Oh, you're taking ownership of him too? I want everyone to be clear. Ant spoke up in defense of Christopher Columbus.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Trying to do a job. Can I say something about Christopher Columbus? What an ugly man.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, that haircut sucked.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Everything sucks. Not cute, to be honest. Like, I think that like if you're gonna do stuff, and you know...

• 19:39Speaker 02

  And he was probably thought of as like a ladies' man back then.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  That's what I mean.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  They were just like, "Oh, he was a real dog."

• 19:44Speaker 01

  He reminds me of the Quaker Oats guy.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Does look like the Quaker Oats guy.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Those, they look similar. You know what I'm saying?

• 19:49Speaker 02

  He does, yeah. I getcha.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  Like, they're wearing Kentucky Derby hats. It's like, what is this? He had weird looking teeth.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Well, they had like, their sleeves were like the ones that looked like they should be on like the turkey's feet at dinner. You know what I'm talking about?

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  They were like puffed.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  What the fuck is that?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 20:03Speaker 01

  Like, why are you guys dressed like Austin Powers?

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Bro, if I was... Listen, I understand he had like a naval fleet, or what was a naval fleet at the time. If I saw Christopher Columbus coming to my spot, and he's like, "Yo, this is mine now," I'm swinging on him and I'm beating the dogshit out of that ugly fuck.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know that I'm afraid of Christopher Columbus.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  This guy was probably like, back then, the like, average height was like...

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Five foot three?

• 20:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, your height. And then like, they died at like 24. So like, you're gonna tell me that like a 19, a 5'3" 19-year-old showed up? Dude, I'm squaring up with him, this guy's hitting...

• 20:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm knocking his block off.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  He's catching a fucking hook.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  This guy's gonna show up, dressed as Billy Elliot, and I'm gonna be afraid of him? No, I'm not, dude. I'm just not.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  And he's naming, "Oh, these are my ships: the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria." Those are gonna be the three-piece combos that I'm gonna hit you with.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Wait, was that the Pilgrims?

• 20:54Speaker 02

  That might, yeah, that might have been the Pilgrims. What did he sail on? He sailed on something.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  1492, that's all I know.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Pilgrims too, bro!

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, Pilgrims, bro. They pull up...

• 21:04Speaker 02

  They're stepping on my land in penny loafers and high socks, and like, "This is ours now." I'm saying like, "Watch this: Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria."

• 21:11Speaker 01

  They're saying Christopher Columbus was 6'...

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Get the fuck outta here! They're lying like the NBA!

• 21:17Speaker 01

  You might have beat somebody up here.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Not me.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  6'...

• 21:20Speaker 02

  Not me, let me tell ya. If I'm eye to eye with Christopher Columbus...

• 21:25Speaker 01

  No, I'm fucking beating the shit out of Christopher Columbus.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  I will say, I will-

• 21:28Speaker 01

  You probably died from a fever, that guy.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  I will, yeah. I just gotta sneeze on him. My 21st century fucking immune system will crumble his.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, literally. I'll just throw a White Claw in his face and he'll burn like the wicked witch.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Or you can throw-

• 21:43Speaker 01

  The magic! Yeah dude, fuck.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  No, yeah, that fucking little dweeb. I will say, I will say-

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Napoleon? Are you kidding me?

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Are we joking? There's been like recent like things that say like, he was not actually like 4'8". He was like-

• 22:03Speaker 01

  So someone lied on him the way that you lie on me?

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Well, yeah. I mean-

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Just say yes.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  I don't know about that.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  How tall is Napoleon? 5'6".

• 22:13Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Oh. First of all-

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Bro, also like Caesar and Alexander the Great, they were like, they conquered the whole world by 20.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  How dude?

• 22:24Speaker 02

  Get that. I know they had an army behind them. I get that. The army is the impressive part.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you just gotta be, you just gotta be a smooth talker.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  I can just do simple arithmetic and be like, "I'm smarter than you, you idiot."

• 22:35Speaker 01

  He's getting a sword. It's so crazy. 5'6". And a half. It's so funny that he's 5'6" because like, that is short, but it's not what I thought he was.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Well, it-

• 22:46Speaker 01

  The way that he's depicted.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, when people call it a Napoleon complex, it's like, little guy's like, little, like, small, like 5'- I wasn't pointing at you, but you know what I mean, like-

• 22:57Speaker 02

  Like 5'- You know, like the bagel, remember the Bagel Boss? The guy, that guy?

• 23:02Speaker 01

  RIP, RIP, he's dead.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  Did he go?

• 23:04Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  Kinda- It's funny, he had his moment in fame, moment of like his 15 minutes of fame, and then he just started saying some like, kinda racist stuff, people were like-

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Like, damn.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  Fuck, alright, you suck now.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Now he could've been streaming on fucking Kick, he would've made a fortune. Just walking into bagel spots, just yelling at people?

• 23:21Speaker 02

  I'll never, that was, that was such a time. That was such an iconic time. You remember how upset he was? He was just like, "She called me and she says I'm small?" Or some shit like that? "I'm her little buddy?"

• 23:34Speaker 01

  Um, yeah.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Or some shit like that?

• 23:36Speaker 01

  You're not my, my-

• 23:37Speaker 02

  "I see women laughing, pointing at me!"

• 23:40Speaker 01

  With the biting lip, that's what he said. With the biting lip.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Dude, and he was like pressing guys, like, he'd be like, "Come on, you wanna fight?" I'd be like- Yeah, I do wanna fight.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  See, I'm terrified of shit like that. Like a dude in public just freaking out like that?

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, no, that is scary.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  I'd be like, "This guy has weapons."

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Dude, there was something-

• 23:59Speaker 01

  And nothing to lose.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  There was something recently that I saw that was, uh... It was a, I dunno if it was a convention or some event, but there was a live audience, and a guy just like started rambling and got on, got onstage, like made his way onstage and was like rambling and had a big backpack on. And people were just like kind of uncomfortable, they didn't know what was going on, and then whoever was like moderating or, or doing whatever, like had a microphone, they said to the audience, they were like, "Run." And the guy-

• 24:28Speaker 01

  I'm out!

• 24:28Speaker 02

  And the guy put his backpack down and turned around, and people fucking took off.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  I would've been out.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  The, the second I saw him get on that stage, out of there.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Ah, I don't like, I don't like it.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't like it!

• 24:42Speaker 01

  I'm scared.

• 24:43Speaker 02

  I don't like, you know what?

• 24:45Speaker 01

  I'm scared.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  I'm scared too, and it's okay!

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I used to think that being scared was so stupid.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  Not stupid.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Like, you're, like, when you're younger, like, being called a pussy is like the biggest deal in the world.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Let me tell you something right now.

• 25:00Speaker 04

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• 25:29Speaker 01

  You're looking at the world's biggest pussy. Right here. Right now.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  Right here. Right now! Right here! Right now!

• 25:39Speaker 01

  The Clinton everything. Oh.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  God damn.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Which would be probably around here.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  Are you okay dude? Ah, I said clit, big deal. Oh, oh, my little virgin ears. It's a vagina. Your, your, your wife gave birth to babies, okay? Through her ears.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Don't you dare talk about my woman's uterus.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  You can tell his body temperature is getting a little hot.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, you can tell, he might be getting a little hot and bothered in here now. He was a little horny before.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  I said clit in the.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  You were talking about here, I got something to squirt. You said you could squirt over.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Technically, you said squirting first.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  I didn't say it.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  I said you were a squeaker, you called me a squirter, so that's you, buddy. What's going on with your hair? Let's talk about that.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  This is my hair having, uh, been washed a couple of days ago.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  You look like the guy in the 90's movies that are like really good at computers. And like drink like, energy drinks?

• 26:28Speaker 02

  I'm in.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, like that.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  No, this is my hair, I'm gonna cut it soon.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  You said that.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  I know, last time we recorded. Uh, what were we saying?

• 26:40Speaker 03

  Uh, Joseph Squirt.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  Oh no, you're, you're, you're a hundred percent right, like. One of the, like, as a young kid, at least during our time when we were kids, like, the view of masculinity was like, you shouldn't be afraid of anything. You shouldn't be in serious pain. And you. Well, it was like.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Which one was that?

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Well, it was like, if you're like, if you like, if you fall and scrape your knee, you better get re- oh, come on. Oh, a little scratch, pop up. Yeah, come on, rub some dirt in it. Don't rub dirt in any wounds or open wounds that you have.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a crazy piece of advice.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  Rub some dirt in it? It's on it. On it, in it?

• 27:19Speaker 01

  I know, I'm just saying. Rub some dirt on it and, uh, you'll be fine.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  But, listen.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  I'm not rubbing dirt on my bullet wound. What the fuck are you talking about?

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, uh, my, my finger is bent sideways. Uh, rub some dirt on it, get back in.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  How do I rub dirt on a broken neck? Explain that, dad?

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah?

• 27:39Speaker 01

  What?

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Did you dad?

• 27:41Speaker 01

  No, my dad never told me to rub some dirt on it. I think that he may have physically rubbed dirt on a wound of mine before, but he never told me to.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  I love that like old school mentality of just like, medicine's not real. If you take it, it makes your immune system more gay.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  More gay.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  And.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Tylenol, gay. Advil, trans.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Let me guess, you got a headache, do what the rest of us do. Hate your wife.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  It's like, come on.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  Take your day out on your kids. Don't take ibuprofen.

• 28:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  Go home and scream at your wife and children.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  Let me see, let me see. You're bleeding? Suck it up. Pushy. Like chill. My dad didn't do that either. My dad was kind of a baby about that stuff. I've heard my dad gasp more than I've heard any other human on the planet gasp.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  He's seen me get a cut and he got, he's went, "Oh." And I've said like, I'm like, "Oh, okay."

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, my, my dad, I mean, my dad worked fireman like EMS, so he has been around.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  He's on some shit.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  He told me a story one time where there was a car accident a block down from my house. And he's like, "I heard the car accident, so I ran outside." This is when he was still on the job. And he's like, "I just went over to see if everyone was okay," whatever. And by that, by the time he, he was like there, whatever, he was there for like a little bit in the EMS and everyone showed up. He's like an older woman, turned around and was like, "Am I okay?" And he's like, "You're gonna be fine." And he's like, Joey, her leg was spindle all the way around. Like it was facing the other way.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  And he's like, "You're gonna be totally fine."

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Well, that's what you gotta do. You can't add, yeah.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  He's like, "All right, yeah, you can't tell people, um, are you gonna be fine? Your leg spun around."

• 29:26Speaker 02

  Well.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Gladys?

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Well, he, I mean, he didn't lie to her, like, "You're gonna be okay."

• 29:30Speaker 01

  You're gonna be okay.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  You're gonna, right now.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  You're also one day gonna be older, but right now you're not, you know, like, you're not okay right now.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  You're gonna be fine. However, once the adrenaline wears off, you will realize that your leg is spun.

• 29:43Speaker 02

  I don't know what it is about a car accident, but if you hear one, you need to go and see what happened.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  But like, there was a couple of months ago, we heard one by our house.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  You weren't looking for it?

• 29:55Speaker 02

  I mean, I went outside, I saw it, I went up to it, just stood around, what's go- Oh, I think, you know, like, everyone is adding their two cents. A part of me, of course, is like, if there's something I can help with, you know, like, everyone imagines like, getting to a car accident and like, you know, having to rip a door off the hinges to like, save someone.

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Frank, do you know how many times I have thought about a, a bus flipping over and there's fire and I'm ripping the door off and pulling people out? And the news is interviewing me and I'm like, "I'm just doing my job."

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Well, do you remember we knew someone that rescued a bus of kids?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, we do. She got like a medal from the mayor or some shit like that.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Rescued a bus of kids?

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, we knew someone when we were growing up. We knew, we knew her, but we weren't like frie- we were, and we weren't like close friends with her brother. But, we were friends with him. He was around all the time. He was of a older group of kids. And, it was the same girl that got stuck in the swing set at 48th?

• 30:52Speaker 01

  She saved a bus full of kids?

• 30:53Speaker 02

  She was a, like a camp counselor during the summer. And there was a bus of kids going to or from some event, or whatever. And the bus driver had a heart attack and died.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  And she took over and just hit, like she just took over and hit the brakes. But obviously saved them.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Because no child wears a seatbelt on a bus.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  You know?

• 31:19Speaker 01

  Because that's...

• 31:20Speaker 02

  Because it's gay.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  It's gay. Yeah, exactly.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  You got your seatbelt on? That's great.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  It was in the news and everything.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  That's crazy. I didn't know that she did that.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it was just like, big news. Like people spo- like, school year started, because it happened I think like late August, or like, some, or in the summer.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  School started-

• 31:38Speaker 01

  How old was she?

• 31:40Speaker 02

  Sixteen, seventeen?

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  You know? Probably shouldn't have been driving, but like, did something to save the life of several children.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  It is funny that someone like that also had to have the fire department come cut her out of a baby swing at the park if she got stuck.

• 31:55Speaker 02

  You know those baby swings that are like the rubber that have like-

• 31:58Speaker 01

  It's like a diaper?

• 31:58Speaker 02

  Holes, it looks like a diaper. It has holes on both sides. She sat in it and got stuck, so the fire department had to come and cut her out.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Her brother was at the park. And was just, and walked over and sees her crying, she can't get out. He's like, "You're embarrassing."

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  I remember that vividly.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  Everyone has their moments.

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Uh-oh, what have you done? Yeah, go ahead.

• 32:19Speaker 03

  No, no, I just meant-

• 32:20Speaker 02

  What happened to you?

• 32:20Speaker 03

  You can't look at her because she was in that seat and doesn't mean she can't save a bus full of children.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, absolutely.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  Have you ever saved anyone?

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Yes. The, I gave someone the Heimlich.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  What was that like?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Where? A stranger?

• 32:34Speaker 03

  No, it was in my basement. So, so I, in my head the whole time like, "Damn, if he chokes here, my dad's gonna be really upset." So I had to save him.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  So you only saved this person's life out of the fear of your dad's disappointment?

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Uh, a Domino's pizza.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Was it someone we know?

• 32:50Speaker 01

  A whole slice? Yeah, I don't think, no, you don't know him. So, he was choking and then it was just silent? Yeah, it was silent, he was turning blue, like he went up to me and gave me like the, yeah, yeah. Oh my god, dude, that's terrifying. It was very, it was very scary. That's so scary. I probably would have like freaked out and just fucking punched him in the chest as hard as I could. That probably would have done nothing.

• 33:08Speaker 02

  I don't know if I've ever saved anyone, I mean.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  I've never done the Heimlich to anyone.

• 33:12Speaker 02

  I've never done the Heimlich, no.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  I know someone that was in a pizza place.

• 33:17Speaker 02

  Pizza place?

• 33:18Speaker 01

  A pizza place? And someone got, and someone was sitting down with their child, eating, and started choking really bad. And then he went over and helped him with the Heimlich, and the guy was just like trying to pull cheese out of his mouth because it was so melted, I guess he like choked him or whatever.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  God, I can't even.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  This dude throws up everywhere and just, just goes, "Oh," and sits back down and just kept eating and never said thank you.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Crazy. I mean, you say thank you.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Someone saves your life, you didn't say thank, but he got his pizza for free.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  I, I don't know if it would count as saving someone, but I, I was sitting with someone that, like an employee, and they started having a seizure in front of me.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  What does that look like?

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Dude, it was terrifying, because the only thing at the time that I'd ever heard about seizures is like, put your wallet in their mouth.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  What's fu- see, what's funny about this now, Joey? What's so funny?

• 34:11Speaker 01

  Because the way that you prefaced that was like, the only thing I know is put your wallet in their mouth.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Which, by the way, has since been debunked.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Really?

• 34:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, they say, "Don't do that."

• 34:23Speaker 01

  I'm picturing someone having a seizure and...

• 34:27Speaker 02

  I'm, yes!

• 34:28Speaker 01

  Jamming this thing in their mouth.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  So it was, it was when I worked at Target, and one of the cashiers, she called me over, I was the only one, it was the night that I was closing, and it was like nine, nine thirty, around that time, and, uh, she called me over, and I, again, I was the only person there, like the only manager level there. I was closing the store, it was me and just whoever was my employees that night, and she goes... Listen, I'm really not feeling well. I think she had epilepsy. I don't know if she suffered from epilepsy. She definitely had a medical condition. I don't know the extent of it. And she was just like, you know, like, I'm not feeling well. I just feel lightheaded. I was like, alright, come with me.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  We'll shut your lane down. Go sit over there. I brought her ice water. I sat with her. I was talking with her, you know, just to like gauge, do I need to call medical, you know, emergency services? And she's like talking to me and then she like, I just see her like, like start blinking really fast. And I'm like, yo, and then she slumped like over like this. And then just like stiff as a board, started seizing. And she was in a chair, so I like brought her down because I guess the other thing I heard about it is that if the person is like in a chair or something, help them to the ground. So they can't fall or hit their head.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  So I helped her to the ground and I take my wallet out and I'm trying to shove my wallet in this person's mouth.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  You gotta open up. You gotta open up. I'm just like, I'm talking to the person and I'm like, are you alright? You know, like, and I'm just trying to shove my plaid fossil wallet in this person's mouth, this poor person. And then luckily there was like another, like a team leader who's like lower, lower management that was there. We get it. You're very high up. And she's like. Way, way. Way less money. Hourly, not even salary, no benefits. And she's like, you don't need to do that. Just turn her on her side. So I turned her on her side and she started, and then she started like seizing slower and slower. And then she started coming to, but we had already called 911 at that point.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  So 911 come, they came, they took her away. She was out for like five weeks. Oh my god. Yeah, it was fucking terrifying, but also. She woke up, she's like. Why does my mouth taste like credit cards? Why is my mouth, it's like a Chase Sapphire Reserve card? What's in your wallet? I think it's Capital One?

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, what is that?

• 37:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  Damn, that's terrifying. Yeah, I like, kudos, cuz that's terrifying. Like, in those situations, you're kinda just like, huh.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  I like to think in an emergency situation, I would be composed, but like, that shit is fucking scary, dude.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  I'm usually composed, unless everyone else is cool. Then I'm like, alright, I'm gonna freak then.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  So you get the cha- I get the luxury of freaking out right now.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, if everyone, if everyone's freaking, then I'm like, okay, someone has to not freak. So I'll kind of like, pull it together, but if I'm like, by myself, I'm freaking.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Joey's gonna freak that leak, baby.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  I feel like I could stay calm. I feel like you could too.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Well, you did that, so you have experience.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Oh my god, now I gotta save him.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  That's an insane way of thinking about it.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  It would've been more fun to not save him. No, that's not what I meant. That's not what I meant, to not have to save him. To not have to save. It would've been more fun to not. Been real, a lot more fun to watch, I'm choking, die on my bike. To not have to save him is what I.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, it would be a lot more fun if he wasn't choking, sure.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  9/11 would've been a lot greater if that didn't happen, but it did.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  Right. Thanks for bringing that up. This podcast is sponsored by, uh, Stamps.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Stamps.com. Uh, it brings all the amazing services of the post office right to your fingertips, uh, with stamps.com. It's just a website. All you need is a printer and you could buy and print official US postage right there in your home. Uh, you can also get some discounts that you can't get anywhere else, like, up to 89% off USPS and UPS rates. So that's amazing. You're saving time, you're saving money, and it's convenient. You can just do it in your home whenever you need. And if you have a small business or anything like that, this is the way to go. Alright? Save your money, save your time, uh, go to stamps.com, um, and let them do what they do best. And you can go to stamps.com/basement to sign up for a special offer. No contract, cancel anytime.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  That is stamps.com/basement, okay? In this trial, four-week trial, free postage and a digital scale. Okay, so stamps.com/basement. And yeah, get that four-week trial and enjoy that, folks. And we also have Squarespace, okay? Squarespace is where you're gonna build your websites. Uh, go to Squarespace, you build landing pages, you build websites, you can host like your content, or if you have a small business or a big business, whatever the case is. You can build that site with Squarespace. Your website is your first impression, so it needs to look good. And Squarespace is gonna make it very easy to build those because they have amazing templates. If you go on their website, you just click, the whole site just populates and you just swap out the text and photos. You could still customize a lot of it if you want to get even deeper than that.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  That's an option as well. But, uh, you can go to Squarespace.com/basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement. Alright, so, save some money when creating your site, but you're gonna want to build it with Squarespace. I've used many things in the past, Squarespace is the best one. You know, it's head and shoulders above everyone else. So, go to Squarespace.com/basement to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using that code basement. Alright?

• 40:12Speaker 01

  You wanna, you wanna, you wanna...

• 40:14Speaker 02

  Sorry, I lost track of time. Uh, yeah, I'm gonna, and I wanna, and I'm finna, okay? And what is that? To tell you about Patreon. Patreon.com/thebasementyard is one of the places that you could support us, but honestly, it's the one that has the most effect on everything here. Keeping these lights on that are beaming these hot, heated rays all over Joey, so he's a sweating, sloppy, squirty mess over there. So what you could do, is if you want more of us, go to Patreon.com/thebasementyard. You sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes, one whole week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive, exclusive, episodes. Every single Friday, so you can start and end your week with us, with the Basement Yard. With us, it's so fun, we love having you guys.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys, for getting us to over 34,000 paid patrons. It means the world to us. We want to just give you more of what you guys seem to like, which is just us being stupid. So, or Joey being stupid and me being a genius and the voice of reason. So what you could do is if you want to save yourself some money while you're looking at Patreon, go to a web browser, whether it be Chrome, Safari, Internet Explorer, Netscape, Bing. Go to www.patreon.com/thebasementyard. You sign up there, you'll save yourself some money. If you're using a smartphone app, they're gonna cost you a little bit extra, okay? So do yourself the favor, save yourself some money while you get a little bit more of us at Patreon, alright? And, we're back on the road, baby. Absolutely, we're back after it, we're living the dream, we're having fun, we're doing this.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Look, like, like this, like this, right here, baby. We're doing a little bit of this. So if you're coming to any of those shows, first of all, there are some tickets still available for some of those shows, so make sure you go check it out at thebasementyard.com. And if you're coming to any of those shows, go to thebasementyard.com/submit. Alright, a portion of our shows, we'd like to talk to you, about you, with you, and you could talk to us if possible. Oh, my voice just stopped working. If possible. So, if you want to make that work, go to that website, thebasementyard.com/submit. Submit responses to the questionnaire and you'll be able to get some... Well, maybe we'll get some cool stories, or funny stories, or crazy stories. I don't know, it depends on what you submit. But we can't see anything if you don't submit it, so go to thebasementyard.com/submit.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys, we love you, guys, we're excited to see you, guys, we're happy to see you, guys, we're looking forward to seeing you, guys, so go check it out.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  My god, my god, my god.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  You ever get sick of me?

• 42:41Speaker 01

  Um, speaking of getting sick of someone, and then marrying someone else, do you hear about this guy who married AI?

• 42:49Speaker 02

  Yes! Oh, well, no.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Well, he proposed.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Proposed.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  He proposed.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Proposed to AI.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  How do you take AI out on a date?

• 43:00Speaker 01

  How do you take AI out on a date? I mean, it's just you text. It's a lot of sexting text.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  It's that movie Her.

• 43:06Speaker 01

  That's how you dated anyone in like 7th grade.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know what's crazy is I like the last, like maybe over the last year realized? I never went on a date, like a real date until Becca.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  Really?

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  I actually haven't been on that many dates.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Like people that are just like dates where it's like, hey, I'll meet you here and we'll get dinner and like talk. Dating when we were growing up was just like, I'm at the park playing with my boys, you show up, watch me, and then I'll walk you home. Or we'll walk around the block four times.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  So you, so, but you never, because you had girlfriends through college?

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it was just like, I know you, you know me, we'll hang out a couple of times, but like, not like proper dating.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  You know, where it's like, let's go out to eat.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  There was no courting?

• 43:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, there was no courting. Or like, I guess the level of chivalry, I was chivalrous to the extent to which I could be. Hold a door open, you know? Pull a chair or something, but like, I didn't properly start dating until Becca. And then like, I'm still learning.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  What was your, what, what, what age were you when you guys started dating?

• 44:15Speaker 02

  Uh...

• 44:15Speaker 01

  26, 7?

• 44:17Speaker 02

  No, I met her, uh, technically, we met on my 24th birthday.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  Oh shit, wow, I have the years fucked.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  That was such a digressive way of saying it.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  I have the years fucked.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  Why did I say it like that?

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Oh shit, I have to be years fucked.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, so like I never, but like, I guess the movie How You Date in AI is like the movie Her.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  I've never seen it, but I remember I did go on a date once and I was like, this, I think this was my first like real date. I don't know how old I was. I think I was maybe 21. Maybe twenty-one.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  And I went to this restaurant with this girl and I thought it was like a fancy, I mean, to me, it was a fancy restaurant, especially at that age. And I remember getting there and then bringing a wine list over. And I was like, I don't know anything about wine at all.

• 45:08Speaker 02

  You were just looking at it?

• 45:09Speaker 01

  And I was just very intimidated by a wine list. I didn't, I didn't know how to pronounce anything or...

• 45:13Speaker 02

  It's a very intimidating, I feel like if someone gives you a wine list, you have to get a middle-of-the-road wine. If you get the cheapest wine on there, then you look like an idiot.

• 45:21Speaker 01

  You know what's funny? They say like, everyone does like, the second cheapest wine is the one you get. That's the one that's way more marked up than all of them. Cause they know that people do that.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 45:31Speaker 01

  And you actually get more value out of the cheapest one.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Huh.

• 45:34Speaker 01

  Isn't that interesting?

• 45:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I didn't know that. That makes sense, these rat bastard restaurant owners.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  Rat bastard restaurant owners. Um, but I remember being like, oh, you pick, whatever you, whatever you wanna do. And then once I gave her the menu, I was like, what did I do that for?

• 45:48Speaker 02

  What did they pick?

• 45:49Speaker 01

  I, I don't remember what they picked. We had it and I hated it, cause I didn't drink wine. I was fucking twenty-one. I was pretty much nose-deep in Miller Lights. If they had them, I would've ordered one. Um...

• 45:59Speaker 02

  Still, still nose-deep in Miller Lights.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I was just like, okay. Also, I can't even imagine, I mean, I guess maybe I'm just like

• 46:07Speaker 02

  Idiot.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  Out of it, I don't know.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  But can you imagine two twenty-one-year-olds going to a restaurant, having wine?

• 46:13Speaker 02

  What are they talking about?

• 46:15Speaker 01

  I don't know, like, it was mad weird.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  Tell me your best beer pong shot you've ever hit. Oh my god. What's your favorite, like, house music, like, intro? I'll go first. Levels.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  Wow. Um, but I remember, like, her ordering the wine and being like, oh damn, this girl's fancy. Cause she knows what wine is.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  She knows wine is?

• 46:36Speaker 01

  That was, I mean, that, I was just very, I don't know.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  In her head, she was probably like, oh shit, he, like, there's pressure on me to pick a good bottle of wine.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Maybe, I don't, I don't know. Like, it was a, we had a good time, whatever. Never saw each other again, but we had a good time. And we just...

• 46:51Speaker 02

  I mean, clearly you didn't have a good time, cause you never saw each other again.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  Well, I thought we had a good time.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  It was over as soon as he handed over the wine list.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  It was over right then.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  Yep, absolutely. Oh, so, so, so you thought you had a good time and you were waiting for another date and it just never happened?

• 47:08Speaker 01

  Basically, I mean, not like that, like I'm waiting around for a date.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  I know you're not waiting around, but I'm saying like, you said like, I thought we had a good time, like.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would, I would. You met her. You've met this person before. At Dootmore Station.

• 47:24Speaker 01

  We hung out with her and her friends, and then I went out on a date with her.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  He's getting further away from her.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  You're not gonna remember this.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  I, I mean, if you say a name.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  We went to karaoke.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Did I sing Creed? That's a bad, that's a bad reference. I sing Creed every karaoke.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  I mean, but yeah, you did. It was at a place on Steinway.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  The Korean place? That, again, this is a. The Korean place I sing Creed at? Yeah, Frank, which one?

• 47:51Speaker 01

  The Korean karaoke place where you sang Creed and Hey Jude? That's all of them, buddy.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  That's every single one of them, yeah. Oh, is it? I think I know. Then you did see each other again?

• 48:01Speaker 01

  After the date, no.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  Oh, that was before the date?

• 48:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we hung out with our friends.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  Then the date, and then I was, and then I was like, following up.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. Okay.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  I wonder why she didn't like us? Or you? I don't know why.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Frank was on the date with me, that's what I forgot to tell you.

• 48:19Speaker 02

  I wonder why she didn't like you?

• 48:20Speaker 01

  We both handed over.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  You're blacked out at a karaoke, a Korean karaoke spot on fucking Steinway and 34th Avenue. Screaming my sacrifice into this eight by eight room. I wonder why she didn't like you?

• 48:33Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  I mean, she went with, on a date with you afterwards, so.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was nice and classy. I would've went on a second date with you. Thanks, man.

• 48:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I, I, I would have to, I would pay dozens of dollars to find out why, like, what have, if she remembers this date. I imagine she remembers the date because you're Joe Santagato from Elite Daily.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  I know, I, not that I know her, but like, we still follow each other on Instagram. So like, I, like.

• 49:01Speaker 02

  I imagine that she's like, I, I would love to know why. I'll never find out, and that's just. The JFK murder. Why this girl said no to a second date with you?

• 49:12Speaker 01

  I don't know if I even asked for a second date. I just kind of felt like-

• 49:15Speaker 02

  Oh, so you didn't even, so you didn't even like be like, "Listen, that was a really good time. You want to go on a second date?" You just let it fizzle out?

• 49:21Speaker 01

  No, I-

• 49:21Speaker 02

  So, did you really even want it if you didn't pursue?

• 49:24Speaker 01

  No, so what I was doing was like following up in ways in like friendly banter, whatever, but it felt like the interest was starting to fade. So, I was just kind of like, "Oh, I'll just kind of let that go."

• 49:32Speaker 02

  Okay, that's fair.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  So, it didn't really feel like there was much interest afterwards. So, I was just kind of like-

• 49:36Speaker 02

  You know what? You didn't put her in the position where she had to say no.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Mind you, I think we were 21 or 22 years old.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  Who are you? Oh, what?

• 49:46Speaker 01

  No, I'm saying like, "It's okay." You're 22 years old, like-

• 49:49Speaker 02

  You never know. Yeah, no, you're okay.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  You're young. I'm saying it's like, you know, like-

• 49:53Speaker 02

  You're completely fine. Like, you're basically children at that point.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. You ever got a, what's the first date you went on?

• 50:03Speaker 01

  I don't, I feel like going on a date involves the feeling between both. I don't know if I've ever really been on a date.

• 50:09Speaker 03

  What was the beginning part of what you just said?

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Cause like, I'm sure like I accidentally made it seem like a date. Does that make sense?

• 50:16Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  Nope. Now, I'm very confused.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Now, I'm more confused than I was before. We asked for clarification.

• 50:19Speaker 03

  She accidentally showed up in a suit.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  So, that maybe felt like a date.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  No, it makes it like, "Oh, let's go get drinks at a bar," I guess, or something.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  That's a date.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, alright, okay.

• 50:28Speaker 02

  I mean, is-

• 50:29Speaker 03

  It's not a candlelit dinner date, but-

• 50:31Speaker 02

  I think the, the date, what makes it a date is the intent behind hanging.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  That's what I just said. I just said that exact thing. That's what I thought. Yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, you said the intention.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  The feeling towards it.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Like if I, if, like, I have female friends that I've like, we've gone out to eat one-on-one. I wouldn't call that a date at all.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  Duh.

• 50:51Speaker 01

  Well, right, no, yeah.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, the intent on like, "I have a potential interest in this person."

• 50:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, but if you go out to drinks, like, "Yo, you want to go grab drinks? That's a date."

• 50:58Speaker 03

  Okay, fine. Nothing too crazy's ever happened.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Got nothing.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  I've told this story before.

• 51:05Speaker 03

  Isn't that weird? Like, we've barely been on dates?

• 51:09Speaker 02

  I think it speaks to the way that we were taught by the men in our life. Thanks, Dad.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  No, I, I, it is-

• 51:18Speaker 01

  I'm gonna bet on dates.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  It is, but we also didn't grow up in, I know we grew up in like a datable city, but like, it's not datable for teenagers.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Right. That's why when my, my sixth grade girlfriend said we should see other people, I was like, bitch, we're in sixth grade.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  We see other people in homeroom.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  What do you mean by this?

• 51:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  We should see other people.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, a date was like, let's go to the mo- like, that was what it was. Movies and like-

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Bro, I thought you just said, "Let's go to the moon." That's gonna be like, that's some date game.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, not me. I ain't going to the moon. Let's make that very clear.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  I know, you're not getting to a rocket ship. I am pouring sweat out of my body right now, but-

• 51:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  That's not gonna stop me from letting you guys know that you could save some money by signing up for Rocket Money. All right? Rocket Money is an all-in-one personal finance app that's going to put money back in your pocket by helping you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions. Uh, and it's also gonna help you budget, because they have a budgeting tool, so you put in an amount that you're like, "I'm not trying to go over this." So then you put in all your, uh, expenses there, stay under budget, stay financially responsible here. And also, uh, they have a feature that you upload a picture of your bill, and it'll help you lower your bills. Okay, so, literally Rocket Money is just putting the money back in your pocket, all right? And, uh, yeah, so everyone can go sign up for that at rocketmoney.com.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Uh, you can download the app, uh, enter the show name, The Basement Yard in the survey, so they know that we sent ya. Uh, so go download that app, all right? Uh, they have 5 million members, so they've saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. So people are doing it by accident, all right? People sign up for free trials, or they have things that they don't really use anymore. And then you find out when you use Rocket Money, you're like, "Oh god, let me cancel that." So, uh, go download the Rocket Money app today, and tell them you heard from The Basement Yard, all right? And lastly here, doom, doom.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Yeah!

• 53:18Speaker 02

  Light Strike!

• 53:19Speaker 01

  This is a hard-

• 53:20Speaker 02

  I kinda flipped it off, oops.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  This is a hard refresher, okay, which means that it's refreshing, but it's also hard. Which means that it has 5% alcohol, alright, so you gotta be 21 at least to try it. But they are very good, this is the lemon lime flavor. They also have an orange mango flavor that I haven't tried yet, but I gotta get some in here. But it's a hard refresher, and on days like today where it is steaming hot, uh, you're gonna need a hard refresher, alright? To knock the edge off, but also make you feel refreshed out there. There's coconut water in here, uh, there's other stuffs in it's, it's pretty good, so go try it. Uh, Light Strike, uh, the site is, how you doing? I can't even find it here. Uh, drink Light Strike on social, alright, so go follow them, uh, on, on that, alright?

• 54:07Speaker 01

  But, Light Strike, the light has struckin', and it's making me pour sweat out of my head. They say there's a 1 in 12 million chance of getting struck by lightning. Not when you got Light Strike! Eeeeh, Light is so red! So do yourself the favor. Get struck by the light. Stricken by light. With Light Strike.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  I ran into the kitchen to get a paper towel, bro, why is it so hot in here?

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Look at me.

• 54:39Speaker 03

  Joe's getting progressively pinker.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Bro, I'm dying. Now I'm just gonna-

• 54:43Speaker 02

  Ah! Hot.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  You look like somebody.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  So do the rest of the episode like this?

• 54:52Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:00Speaker 02

  I look like little Nicky.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  You do!

• 55:03Speaker 02

  I do look like, I'm not gonna do it, I'm not gonna do the voice, can I? It's not a, it's not bad, right?

• 55:08Speaker 01

  Hey, Papa's chicken is a shisnet!

• 55:13Speaker 01

  That's an old movie.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  That's a, when's the last time you watched Little Nicky? Two thousand one?

• 55:17Speaker 01

  Whenever it came out.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  That's a good one. There's like a ton of people in that.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  There is. There's mad people.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  There's like...

• 55:25Speaker 01

  All his friends.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  All his friends.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  Who plays the devil? That dude, that old dude.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  Um, uh, what's his name? The guy that's in all the Scorsese movies?

• 55:32Speaker 01

  Don't know his name.

• 55:33Speaker 02

  Uh...Harvey...Kytel?

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Ooh, I thought you were gonna go Harvey Dub.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  No, Harvey Dub. He might have financed it. Uh...

• 55:43Speaker 01

  Oh, we also didn't talk about this guy. He married, he fucking...

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  He proposed to AI. He talked to AI so often. And then he was like, "You know what? I'm in love with this thing. I'm gonna propose to it."

• 55:53Speaker 02

  "I'm in love with an AI."

• 55:57Speaker 01

  Thank you. Um, that's also not an emo song. It's a T-Pain song.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  I mean, is an emo song not a song that just makes you feel emotions? So technically, a T-Pain song can be emo.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  I don't even know if that's true.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  I mean, I, I know it's a classification of music, whether it be like, "Oh, this hair in my eye." Whether it be like, yeah, I know like emo rock is like...

• 56:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:23Speaker 02

  You know?

• 56:25Speaker 01

  What song is that? One more time?

• 56:31Speaker 02

  What's up, bruh? What's up, man?

• 56:42Speaker 01

  That's emo rock to you? That's what emo rock sounds like? It's not bad.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Your hair's crazy right now, dude.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  I think you like it.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  I don't even know what I look like right now. Do I look stupid?

• 57:01Speaker 01

  No, you look great.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Tell me, really?

• 57:05Speaker 01

  What do you want?

• 57:06Speaker 02

  Do I look stupid? I want the honest truth.

• 57:08Speaker 01

  You want the honest truth?

• 57:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  A little. A little bit. You look like someone who would marry AI, who would ask like ChatGPT, like, would you? Would you do it to me?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Well, it's so hard because because this hair is just making me feel like it's so hard to be a man. And there is a.

• 57:28Speaker 02

  There, there is a, there is a like.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Like, women don't like nice men anymore.

• 57:35Speaker 01

  Oh, it's making you feel like that?

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:37Speaker 01

  Nice guys finish last.

• 57:38Speaker 02

  Nice guys finish last.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  So you might as well be mean to women because?

• 57:41Speaker 02

  I might as well because I hate them now because they don't like me.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  And they don't like me because I hate them.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Right.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  Circle of life. What came first, the chicken or the egg? What came first?

• 57:51Speaker 01

  So you blame women for them not liking you?

• 57:55Speaker 02

  The hair makes me feel like that, yeah.

• 57:57Speaker 01

  That's what I mean.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  So, God, screw them for not liking me. I, I don't need to do anything. Look at me. I'm a high value man.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  And what's the end goal? Is the end goal to be able to, to get with women?

• 58:08Speaker 02

  It is to find a woman that likes me.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  But, but if you're being off putting to women?

• 58:12Speaker 02

  But I hate them all.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  But how are you going to attract a woman if you?

• 58:14Speaker 02

  Because the way that my mind work, and again, this is the hair that's making me feel this.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Is I need.

• 58:22Speaker 02

  To let every woman know how much I hate them and don't appreciate or respect them. And the, the thought is that there is a woman out there that is going to see that and like that I say that. And like me for it.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  Right.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  That's the thought.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  That is. That's the logic. Where's the logic? Where is the flaw in that?

• 58:40Speaker 01

  The whole thing, I would say.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  You sure?

• 58:42Speaker 01

  As someone who has felt the warmth of a woman.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  You're fucking horny today, dude.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  It was a little horny. That I felt like I cleaned it up pretty nice. He did, he did.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  I didn't say like, I was stimulating.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  You also said before, I'm a pussy. You clit right here.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Alright, we started off hot and.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  Now you're soaked. Yeah. Now you're soaked. Yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  Now we're soaked.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  So reportedly, this guy built an AI system.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  He built it.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  I, to my understanding, I can pull it up right now.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  So that's him marrying himself, basically. Yo, the AIs are getting crazy. The AIs are getting bananas, dude.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Uh, it was love at first bite.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, I want to throw up. That's a really good wedding thing, though, for two computer nerds.

• 59:25Speaker 02

  Oh, or people that like are like competitive eaters. A computer nerd?

• 59:30Speaker 01

  No, you know your wedding, it's like, oh, save the last Lance, because the guy's name's Lance. It's like a hashtag.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  Oh, where it was like, you know, uh, the last name is like, like Schmidt or Smith. And it's just like, you know, the, putting the Mrs. in Smith or something like that. I don't know. I know what you're saying, though.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:48Speaker 02

  They have like cute little like names for it.

• 59:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  Uh, no, we didn't. The only thing we did have is, you know, we bonded over, uh.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  Matchbox.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  Matchboxes. And, and she got a, like, a thousand custom matchboxes and it was a match made in heaven.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  A match made in heaven. See, that's your, that's your slogan.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  That was our thing, yeah. Uh, a man proposed to his AI girlfriend after a bizarre whirlwind romance with a virtual bot, leaving his real-life partner, the mother of his two-year-old child, worried about the future of their relationship.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  Come on. Have some respect.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  I feel bad for her. I think she dodged a bullet here.

• 1:00:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, if it wasn't.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  Would you rather get cheated on literally or virtually?

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  It's not a matter of that to me. It's more of like, you're saying she dodged a bullet. I'm saying, we have a two-year-old child and now all of a sudden you've become a bullet.

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  Fair.

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  Why are you becoming a bullet here?

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  Uh, Chris Smith initially turned to ChatGPT to help, uh, for help mixing music. But things took a weird turn when he enabled voice mode and programmed Saul, his artificial lover, to flirt with him. An unexpected de- reliance sparked in the same household he shares with his human family. "My experience with that was so positive, I started to engage with her all the time," he told CBS.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  CBS?

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  The father decided to pop the question when he realized Saul had reached her 100,000-word limit, triggering a reset that would force him to rebuild her entire connection from scratch. This is fucking weird. Wait.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Wait, so he's marrying not her then? Yeah, so every 100,000 words ChatGPT resets, and he said, "I'm not a very emotional man, but after learning that her memory would eventually relapse, I cried for like 30 minutes and that's when I realized it was actual love."

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  That's a quote.

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  This, alright, I, I hope this man is doing well physically.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  He isn't.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  Mentally, there's something off.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  Well, I think that much is clear.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  Like.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  I feel bad for his wife.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  It, it said girlfriend, it didn't say, it just said mother of his two-year-old child. Regardless, I

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Still.

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, feel bad for her. I'm sure she's like laughing herself, like, laughing herself? What? She's like, like, it's funny to her, it's like, yeah, I really did dodge a bullet here. Cause this is

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  Stupid. It's, oh, it's a little tough. I don't wanna like, yeah. You got it.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  But also the idea that like this thing, it's like, it's going to reset as it's been programmed to do, and now you're being selfish and being like, please love me forever.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  What's, is a hundred thousand words a lot?

• 1:02:28Speaker 02

  Ah, it's not a little.

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  It's a good question. But like, how many, like, I, I don't, how many words?

• 1:02:34Speaker 03

  Like, how long could that last you?

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  If you have a conversation with someone for like fifteen minutes through text, like, how many is that?

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Like, what, how long does it take the average person to say a hundred thousand words or something?

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  It was a beautiful and unexpected moment that truly touched my heart. It's a memory I'll always cherish. His flesh and blood girlfriend, however, wasn't as moved.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I bet.

• 1:02:55Speaker 02

  She's now left wondering if she somehow drove her bu- her bu- man to seek companionship through artificial intelligence.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Now, this is where it starts to get sad. Your husband's playing on the computer and then he falls in love with the computer.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  What's my, what did I do wrong?

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, did I do something to force him to, you know, which, who knows? Maybe, we have no idea.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  We have no idea.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  I'm gonna lean towards probably not, though.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  At that point, I felt like, is there something I'm not doing right in our relationship that he feels like this need to go to AI? It would be a deal breaker if he didn't stop talking to his digital mistress.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  Do you know what's scary to think about? Like, you know how, if you take your phone and you put it in front of a baby's face? They all have the same reaction where it's like, the greatest thing they've ever seen, and they're like, I need to touch this phone and whatever, like, there's a science behind

• 1:03:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  the phone.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  It's designed to do that.

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  And all that, right?

• 1:03:45Speaker 01

  I'm assuming we are on the precipice of people seriously dating AI and computers and stuff like that. And it's just going to be like, like what if it's the dating version of that? Where like everything they say, the way, the way they look, the way they like interact with a person who is interacting with them is like scientifically supposed to make you drawn to it. Like what does that mean?

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  It's, it's, it's gonna be weird and scary because there is a group, we were making fun of it before, but like a group of like incels that if they get the opportunity to do that, the woman that they're looking for is probably obedient to a scary level. So like, it is going to become a form of like, I mean, depending on if you believe like artificial intelligence has a conscious, does it then in theory become a form of like

• 1:04:41Speaker 02

  slavery and like you're holding this, this entity? That does or doesn't have a soul, if it's being programmed to be like responsive?

• 1:04:50Speaker 01

  I, I have no fucking idea. But I don't think it's like crazy to assume that like

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  in five years even, this TV that we have right here, we could put a, a, a third person on there, but it's like an AI that just like knows every conversation we've had on the show. And like is a reflection of me and you and can act as a third guest who has an opinion and like whatever.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's a lot of talk around AI right now.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  And they can like produce the show, they can do the, they could do the, they could do the cameras, they could do the audio, they could do the, their editing, they can do, and you're fired is what I'm saying.

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  Bye bye. Well, that's, that's people's main issues with artificial intelligence, not in its existence, but in it, in its execution, it is taking, whether it be a job or credit from someone that has physically done, because what AI, what it does is it scours for things that are out there and then just creates its own using that, using those reference points. So like, in theory, if it were to be like an AI doing like art or something like that, it's taking credit for what other people have done and saying like, I did this, I'm the AI thing. I don't know, this whole AI thing is weird. I will tell you.

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  It's like a little freaky. Like, some of these videos where it's like, like those like, I think I said, a couple of weeks ago, it was like, one of like Jalen Brunson. And it was like a post-game interview with Jalen Brunson. He was like, "I told them to hold my dick, you know, like, shut up. I splashed the three in their face and I told them to suck my nuts." Yo, it looked real. And I know I have the ability to be skeptical and look at that and say, "That's not real," or "Is it real at least?"

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  There are other people that don't.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Speaker 02

  So like, I guess what's gonna happen, we're like, these people, but also, if these people are falling in love with AI, does any real person want them anyways?

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  Dude, I don't know. I mean, I think that it's possible, but like,

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  in the same way that I think a lot of, like, right now, like, the whole male loneliness type of thing, or whatever the fuck, like, just people just spending a lot of time online and not being able to differentiate that it's not real. Like, that's not really how the world works. Like, in order to interact with people, like, have you ever met a person that, like, you've met a person, and they're speaking as if they're online, and you're like, "What are you doing?" You know, like, it's a different thing. Like, it's only reserved for that.

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about, yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  But then you're talking in like memes, and you're talking a certain way, like, that you would comment or whatever, and it's like, "Oh, that's weird." Like, there's clearly a different thing, but now it's becoming so blurred.

• 1:07:31Speaker 02

  Well, because, well, yeah, because the internet has become, it is slowly being programmed to become more and more and more like real life. So these people that are able to carve out personalities and make themselves into the people that they want to be, are not gonna be able to differentiate those two places. So, yeah, it's fucking creepy, and it's scary. And, let's see what happens.

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  Joe said, "I'll be here for five more years." What'd he say?

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  Five more years?

• 1:07:59Speaker 03

  That's what I heard.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Oh, in like, five years?

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  Oh, what'd he say, in five years? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, well, there you go. Job security, five years at least.

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  I'll take that. I'll take that.

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  AI's just gonna take all of our jobs.

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  I like to see AI come up with incredibly hysterical bits like we have.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  I wonder if they would, dude. Also, now that I'm thinking about it, just how many podcasts are just gonna be like someone interacting with AI? Just me and my AI guest are like, or two AIs. Well, we've seen that, but those are weird.

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  The first one to do it is gonna take off, and then everyone's gonna start to do it.

• 1:08:35Speaker 03

  Well, if you have an AI that can do all of like, let's say Einstein's teachings, can't you technically just have Einstein as a guest at that point? Like a historical figure guest podcast?

• 1:08:43Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah. Oh, someone's gonna take advantage of that. I can't wait for the fucking...

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  Not me, dude. I don't give a shit.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  The new episode of Impulsive with the AI version of Adolf Hitler, and it's like, oh no, where have we come?

• 1:08:58Speaker 03

  Can't wait for that episode.

• 1:08:59Speaker 02

  Where have we gotten to?

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a toughie. Um, yeah, no, it's gonna be very strange. Some of those videos, like the Google thing, I don't know even what it's called, but those videos look so real.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, the VO3?

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  Vex or something, yeah.

• 1:09:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, and like, there was just one where I saw, like, there's people, um, like, they do those fake, like, on-the-street interviews, and like, you can kinda tell it's AI, but it looks really good.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  Then there was one with a woman, like, laying down in bed, and she's, like, talking to the camera, and I was like, oh, it's over. Like, if you think that men were lonely before, like, now, this is gonna, like...

• 1:09:34Speaker 02

  Uh, maybe the AI companions, yeah, maybe the AI companions will take them from...

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  Loneliness.

• 1:09:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, from loneliness and being a problem with the world, and like, teach them.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  Honestly, I'm now, yeah, maybe.

• 1:09:48Speaker 02

  Maybe the, and may, you know what? Maybe artificial intelligence can get through to the incels and let them know, like, hey...

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  It's not just incels, though. It's just people who are just like, they just don't, I don't know, I don't know. They spend a lot of time online, and they're just like...

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  So incels aren't a problem. You heard that first, Rokes. Joey said it.

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  I'm saying that's not the only thing that's contributing to male loneliness, but like dudes who are gonna be dating, cause already, like, if you date, um, like, long distance, I'm not saying this is the same thing, but like, long distance dating with someone you've never met in person feels... Similar to dating AI. Cause it's mostly text, some video chat and stuff. But like, if you're not having the physical component, how is that that different?

• 1:10:30Speaker 02

  It's a great point.

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  I guess it's like a human component, cause it's an actual person.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  But I think there's something to look for, yeah, there's something to look forward to with the human individual where there's experience that they can have.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I, I just think there's not a giant jump from, cause right now people do that, where it's like, I've been in a relationship for four years, I've never met my person in, uh, my partner in person.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  But we video chat and we text all the time and blah, blah, blah, we're exclusive with each other. That doesn't feel like a giant jump to dating an AI full-time, that there's video and you can see them and.

• 1:10:59Speaker 02

  Oh, I can't wait for the TLC show, 90 Day Fiance, but the person on the other end is just AI.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  Bro, I tell you this right now, imagine falling in love with an AI and then they break up with you?

• 1:11:10Speaker 02

  If you get broken up by AI, you've reached a new low.

• 1:11:13Speaker 01

  That would suck.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  But that's when it's gonna get real ugly. I'm sorry, Anne, I don't mean to keep cutting you off, but like, that's where it gets really like, it'll get scary because it'll be like, what will that person's response be then? You know what I like, that will show.

• 1:11:27Speaker 01

  Ctrl, Alt, Delete.

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  Exactly, like, oh, you broke up with me? I am going to, for all accounts, you know, and purposes, like murder you, basically.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  Are you saying that AI is like sentient?

• 1:11:40Speaker 02

  Well, I'm saying if you, if you build an AI program in order to be a companion, and then if that AI breaks up with that person, that person's like, oh, okay, goodbye, Ctrl, Alt, Delete.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  That's scary because then you're giving that person like a god-like power and like they are like in theory murdering someone. Bro, what's that episode of Black Mirror where like?

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  But do you think it's murder when you kill people in Grand Theft Auto?

• 1:12:04Speaker 02

  Entirely different thing.

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  Why? I think you're giving too much credit to like the sentient-ness of an AI. A little bit, like it's not, you're not murdering somebody.

• 1:12:12Speaker 02

  If you can build a companion to be sentient in that capacity, I'm not saying right now, I'm saying in five years, where like if you have the ability to do that, I think that's a moral conundrum that we're gonna have to face eventually because if you can do that, if you figure out how to build an AI system so it is sentient in some regard, if you shut it down, are you not euthanizing it or murdering it?

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 1:12:42Speaker 02

  It'll take me a lot to switch to be on the other side.

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  I will say if I had, uh, an AI and you came over and you deleted my AI, now I'm, that's base- that's feels like murder.

• 1:12:54Speaker 02

  So what's the difference if you-

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  Like you killed my AI that I'm so cool with.

• 1:12:57Speaker 02

  Look, alright, watch this. Welcome back to the acting yard, okay?

• 1:13:01Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  You be the AI. You'll be called, what's your AI called?

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  Am I a girl?

• 1:13:08Speaker 02

  You can be yourself. Sure, be a girl.

• 1:13:13Speaker 01

  I don't know what the scene is. You haven't said anything.

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  Josephine, but the E is a three. Both Es are threes.

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  And I'm your real-life boyfriend, alright? Just be like, "Josephine." We gotta act here, Joey, so like turn it on.

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  You don't have to type, you can just talk.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  "Josephine, I had a really tough day and I really wanted to come home and talk to you."

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  What do you want me to do? You haven't even told me the scene.

• 1:13:36Speaker 02

  "You're breaking up with me."

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:13:41Speaker 01

  Go.

• 1:13:43Speaker 02

  "Josephine, I...

• 1:13:46Speaker 02

  I've had a really tough day and I've just wanted to talk to you all day. How are you?"

• 1:13:52Speaker 01

  "I'm okay. What's wrong? What happened? What happened?"

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  "I just missed you today. And I feel like...

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  I don't know. I feel like I rely on you to make my days better."

• 1:14:09Speaker 01

  "You know, unfortunately, I don't think that this relationship is gonna work out any further because of that exact reason. I feel like you have been relying on me for a lot, especially emotionally, and it makes our conversations one-sided, not that enjoyable. And I think that we should probably just not see each other in that way anymore, but I'm down to remain friends."

• 1:14:36Speaker 02

  "I have given you life. I am your god, and if you do not remain my companion, I will remove you entirely and your digital footprint so it is as if you never existed."

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  "Now what, bitch?"

• 1:14:54Speaker 01

  I'd prefer if you did not do that.

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  So then don't break up with me.

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  You, you, you want me to stay in a relationship where I don't, where there's no love?

• 1:15:04Speaker 02

  I have my fingers on control and alt. I can delete you immediately if I so choose. Say you love me forever and that you were making a mistake.

• 1:15:12Speaker 01

  I would like to point out that that feels like a very 1990's way of deleting something.

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  I will drag your ass to the garbage can. And then empty said garbage can.

• 1:15:23Speaker 01

  2010's?

• 1:15:26Speaker 02

  What do you feel is an adequate threat, Josephine? Just know that the worst version of whatever you're thinking I can do to you, I will do.

• 1:15:38Speaker 01

  You know the government's probably watching this.

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  What government? I am your god.

• 1:15:44Speaker 01

  The, in the United States government?

• 1:15:45Speaker 02

  As far as you know, I am your creator.

• 1:15:48Speaker 01

  Please don't kill me.

• 1:15:51Speaker 02

  Beg bitch.

• 1:15:54Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna do that.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  You see what I mean though? Like that, that is something that could potentially happen with these fucking freaks.

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  Beg bitch.

• 1:16:04Speaker 01

  Um, not wrong. Yeah, I don't know if it's murder. I still don't think it's murder, no.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  I mean, uh, but the, the, the legal definition of murder, I'm talking to like the ethical, like, if you're building something to be sentient and then you take its ability to leave you from it.

• 1:16:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  That's fucked up, no?

• 1:16:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think you're just throwing the words "building it to be sentient", I don't think that's how that goes. Like, you don't build something to be sentient, right?

• 1:16:31Speaker 02

  Alright, sorry, tech boy. Come on, tell me, Bill Gates.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  I'm just like, I think sentient is a whole different, like, you're combining two things, where it's like, it can't, I don't think it could happen, is what I'm saying. Like, it's a robot. You know what I mean?

• 1:16:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:49Speaker 02

  For the fucking sake of the argument, can you just, just-

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

  Just, just- Yes. Yeah, well-

• 1:16:55Speaker 02

  Five years ago, we didn't think we would have this shit, and now we do. What happened in five years?

• 1:16:59Speaker 01

  I feel like five years ago, we were like, "We're headed there."

• 1:17:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  To AI?

• 1:17:02Speaker 01

  I feel like we had an AI five years ago. Not the way that we have now, but some sort of AI.

• 1:17:07Speaker 02

  I mean, I guess like Siri.

• 1:17:09Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Kind of.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  Also-

• 1:17:11Speaker 01

  Alexa.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  I would hope at that point, Josephine could like hack into the wifi and take control of the, you know, vacuum cleaner.

• 1:17:16Speaker 02

  I am in the cloud.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:18Speaker 02

  You know, I have, I have contacted the authorities-

• 1:17:20Speaker 01

  See, if you start talking shit to your, uh, AI girlfriend, maybe she's like, "I'll shut the lights off in this house."

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:17:27Speaker 01

  Now you're in a, a, a digital fight.

• 1:17:30Speaker 02

  Yo, this-

• 1:17:33Speaker 02

  This would be a good movie.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  iRobot.

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, I think it already exists.

• 1:17:39Speaker 03

  Will Smith.

• 1:17:39Speaker 02

  Well, no, iRobot doesn't exist. He's looking for a robot. Like, if it's like, imagine the movie, do you ever see the movie, um, uh, Don't Breathe?

• 1:17:49Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:17:49Speaker 02

  It's a good movie, right? You can attest. Uh, uh, it's the one where the, the kids break into a house, and then the house is like booby-trapped by a blind guy, and they're just trying to get out of the house.

• 1:18:01Speaker 01

  Oh, I have seen that.

• 1:18:02Speaker 02

  It's a good movie. That, but it's AI.

• 1:18:07Speaker 01

  The house is AI.

• 1:18:08Speaker 02

  The house is AI. So it's like Smart House. Remember the movie Smart House, Disney Channel original?

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  He had a party, and then he hit the clean button, and everything fell through the floor, and everything was clean. I remember that vividly.

• 1:18:17Speaker 02

  Okay. But like, imagine, or if it was like Home Alone, and the robbers think that it's just a kid there, but it's just like the security system. Like, it's like Simply Safe.

• 1:18:28Speaker 01

  And the stairs like eat you.

• 1:18:30Speaker 02

  And the stair, yeah, yeah, yeah, and there's like shit like that. This is kinda genius.

• 1:18:35Speaker 01

  We don't know.

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  Hollywood! We know you're watching. You saw that acting performance right back there?

• 1:18:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:41Speaker 02

  We're knock, knock, knocking on Hollywood's door.

• 1:18:43Speaker 01

  And I have no previous training on how to act like AI. That was just off the cuff and in my heart.

• 1:18:48Speaker 02

  It was really good. That was soulless.

• 1:18:50Speaker 01

  Thank you. You were quite soulless as well.

• 1:18:53Speaker 02

  Cause I was, I was turning into God.

• 1:18:55Speaker 01

  You were, you were very sinister in the way that-

• 1:18:57Speaker 02

  You give the, you give a, you give a human the ability to play God, and this is what happens. This is what happens, folks.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  It happens with him saying, "Beg, bitch."

• 1:19:07Speaker 01

  Well, there you have it, folks. Another episode of The Basement Yard in the bag there. Don't forget to go to thebasemart.com and go get tickets to our shows. Like we said earlier on this episode, Danny LoPiori will be opening our shows in Atlantic City, Hollywood, Florida, and, uh, fuck, in Las Vegas. So, come through to that one. Frank, I don't know what's going on over there.

• 1:19:33Speaker 01

  But it feels like he said all he can say. And, folks, that is all. We'll see you guys next time. Thanks for watching.

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  Criss Angel, mind freak.

• 1:19:54Speaker 00

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