The Basement Yard
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Welcome back to the
Welcome back to the Basement Yard. My name's Joe Santagato. This is my co-host with the select back hair.
Light strike, select by light strike.
And here we are in some fancy t-shirts.
What have we become?
I don't know.
What have I become? My sweetest friend.
I knew you were gonna do something like that. Guys, don't forget to go to thebasementyard.com and get yourself some tickets to our live shows. We're coming to cities near you, all over the United States, and a little bit in Canada. We actually just added a third show in Toronto on August 5th. Those tickets are on sale now, if they're not sold out, because, you know, Toronto's a crazy city for us. Anyway, welcome back to the show. What was that?
Where did you go?
It's fine, we're fine.
Try it again, try it again. Take two, action.
What'd I say?
Welcome back.
Welcome back. Uh, yeah, go check out those tickets. Uh, we're excited.
Um, we're just coming off an American holiday, Memorial Day.
That's right, yes.
Which, you know?
I don't think you could do that.
Salute?
I don't think you're allowed to. Is that like a taboo thing?
For me to salute?
I think so. I think, first of all, there's like a very like... Specific way to salute. They're like, the feet need to be, like, the hand needs to be at an angle or something.
Bro, you ever see the guys near like the Capitol? I don't know where they are. And I don't know what's going on.
Well, when was the last time you were at the Capitol?
Um, I know what you're gonna say, and it wasn't January 6th. Um, I was actually at the Capitol when you were at the Capitol.
When I was there for your trial because of those.
Um, but the guys who like walk very slowly, but it looks like they're not taking steps and they're kind of gliding.
What the hell is that? Where, what have you been seeing?
I don't think.
I don't think I know what you're talking about.
There's a video I saw on the internet of that, but.
I will say that, are you talking to like, street performers?
I'm talking about the military.
You see how he speaks about the military?
I saw a lot of sailors.
It was Fleet Week. It was Fleet Week in New York.
I had no idea. I went to Hamilton. There were sailors everywhere. I'm like, there's sailors. Are they out here trying to put their little penis in other people?
Oh, there's also female sailors. I think it was like a thing back in the day. I mean, listen to the song Brandy, you know? That she talks about falling in love with a sailor, but his life, his love and his lady was the sea.
So sailors used to like, they would dock and then they would have unprotected and then they'd leave and there'd be babies and he'd be like, oh, I'm a sailor, so I'm.
They would, they would go and they would like repopulate like a, a shipping.
Yeah.
Town.
Tortuga.
I don't know if that's a real place.
Yeah, I think it's just parts of the Caribbean.
Uh, but I, um, I don't, I, I know it was Fleet Week here. I imagine that it used to be like a horny week in New York City. I think now it's become like, just kind of like, whatever.
I think like 50-year-old women love people, love sailors.
There's that thing, there's like that old adage that like, women love a man in uniform or something like that.
I think that's still true.
I think it's just, women like a man that has like, you know, like, not a fucking dumbass. Like, the, the uniform adds a sense of structure, like, prestige.
It's so ironic that that's how we try to explain that, like a dumbass.
It was like, fuck, like, not a fucking, like, this. No, what I mean, like, I think it's because like, there's a sense of structure that comes along with the uniform, like, discipline.
Speak for the women's brain.
Of, well, if no, if, if they're not gonna speak for themselves, who will? Me!
They're not able to articulate because of their small women brain. Let me do it. It's because of the structure of-
Send in the sailors. Send them on in. No, I think, I think that was like a-
Would you go, would you be on a ship?
Hell no.
Like an aircraft carrier?
Double hell no.
Really?
A flat one that can tip over?
Frank, ships don't tip over.
They do, they often tip over.
Frank, it's not 18125, okay?
That, yours hasn't happened yet.
That's in the future. Um, but it's not the 1800s, the ships don't flip over.
I think back then they probably flipped over less than they do now.
I don't think any ships flip over. I mean, I think like it happened.
One just happened in like North Korea or something.
Yeah, but those are cruise ships, they deserve it.
No, this was a, this was, God almighty. This was a, a, like a, a, a aircraft carrier flipped over in North Korea. And he was apparently not upset.
Was that ours or theirs?
It was theirs.
Well.
I think they have an out-
I don't know, I don't know. I can't confirm nor deny the status of the North Korean military, and I'm not even gonna try.
They got wobbly ships, clearly.
Apparently, but we've had some wobbly ships, you know?
Which ones?
They, they, they're, they're ships that ha- that have a little wobble to them.
You know, I, they-
I took the ferry yesterday. You wanna talk about a wobbly ship?
What the hell?
Which one?
The ferry.
Staten Island?
No, from the, from Manhattan.
What'd you say, the ferry? I think it's known as the Staten Island ferry. Am I incorrect there?
That's cuz you're not from New York anymore, buddy. We have a lot of ferries.
That hurts. Alright, so why, just to, just to see how-
I, I ran to Manhattan and then took the ferry home.
Oh, did you like, do that thing where you like, when you're like, a jogger at like a stoplight, you keep running in place?
I actually didn't have to stop, but I don't do that cuz it's embarrassing.
I was gonna say, were you doing that on the ferry?
I would not, no, no, no. I mean, that was the end of my run. I was quitting cuz I saw the ferry coming.
How did it feel?
How did the ferry feel?
Yeah, ferry feel.
I like the ferry.
Was it like a proper ferry?
Ferry is such a weird word.
Was it a proper, hold on, was it a proper ferry that had those old like Dutch wooden wheels that like makes them go? Cause if it's not, then it's not a ferry. It's just a big boat.
Those are fu- those are called like riverboats or something?
Ah, I think he's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's, I, I, I wanna go on one.
Hell yeah.
I actually think in Jersey, they have one that's like a booze cruise where you can go on like a riverboat and just drink.
I mean, what are, what are you supposed to do on boats other than alcohol?
Sit?
Fish?
Yeah, I don't know. I, I guess that's why I've always been weird about.
Fishing's probably fun.
Uh, someone that grew up and dabbled a little in fishing, not for me. A little slow.
Yeah, well, that's because you did it when you were a kid.
True.
And you're like, whoa, I need to do everything.
Well, what am I gonna do as an adult? That's gonna be like exhilarating. Fish for like shark?
Uh, you have, I think that you have an appreciation for sitting in the backyard and just listening to nature.
I absolutely do.
Smoking a cigar and having most disgusting scotch ever.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
Something like that.
Back it up. Back it up.
Now just imagine there's a fishing pole and sometimes some gets on and you go, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah, but like, I don't, I, I don't know why. It's just like, for me, it's just like the waiting is the hardest part. It doesn't make a difference. What's the rest of the words from that song? Waiting is the hardest part.
That is, I have no idea what that is.
Before my time. Tom Petty, well, uh, but I just, I don't know if I could sit there. Like, I know people that do like big game fishing. Like they fish.
Fucking sharks.
Tuna.
Bro, how the fuck does a, a little string?
Well, it's not, that's the thing. It's not a little string.
Well, I know. It's kinda like a.
It's like, they have to wear like, they have to wear like a harness and like put their, the fishing rod in their balls.
Yeah, bro, there's no way in hell that I would ever get in a thing that would be connected to a giant fish in the ocean. That's like insane.
Like their boys are like holding them back like they're getting like dug on.
No, you got it. You got it. And they're like trying to hold on and the fuck.
Well, you, you've prepared for this. You, you like dubbed with someone out of your league in like seventh or eighth grade and your boys were just like, we got your back.
Yeah, dude, that's totally different.
Just think of that Dominican woman as a tuna and you as your seventh grade old self.
I get where you're going and it's not like a bad idea, but I really think that a tuna has more power than, you know.
How strong could a, well, first of all, how big do sea tuna get to?
Big as fuck.
I mean, okay. 200 pounds, 300 pounds?
I think it's bigger than that, but even so, that's, you're pulling up a fridge.
Bro, how fast could a 300 pound tuna really go? Like, I could, if you put me in a boat with my feet on the wall and just prepped with my boys, I think I could, I think I could reel it in successfully. Josh is watching this frothing at the mouth because he's been trying to get us to go deep sea fishing for decades.
A fully grown tuna, how long and how much do you think they weigh? They can get up to?
How long?
Get up to, I mean, we could all get up to like a thousand pounds.
You know what he means. Why do you do that? He's like, well, there's people who weigh a thousand pounds, so humans can get up to, no. Tunas, they can be
I'll say 30 feet.
30 feet, brother. That's
Where are you going? Bro, there are not even whales that size. I mean, blue whales, I think.
10 feet.
I would say
8 feet, 350 pounds.
I'll say 210 pounds, 10 feet.
It's saying Atlantic tunas could get up to 13 feet long and weigh up to 2,000 pounds.
2,000?
That's a ton.
So, I'm trying to pull a fucking Volvo out of the ocean?
A Volvo, by the way, that is driving like 40 miles per hour. How fast do these bastards get? Because I imagine with that little fin, that's a big fin back there.
Dude, if he's a 2,000 fucking pounds.
It's probably like getting hit by a speeding.
What do you do? Let me ask you a question, fisherman. When you get it on the boat, what happens then?
I think they hang it up and they're just like, wow.
Hang it up?
We did it.
Like a sail? And it's gonna, you're gonna use it to?
I think, well, I think, um, mistake me if I'm wrong here.
Okay, you are wrong. That was wrong. That is, that is wrong. Mistake you if you are wrong.
And that is it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I heard something once. That like tuna, when you catch them, they immediately start eating their own. Like when they're out of water, like not like, but like their body starts to like break down. So like, once you catch a tuna, you need to either get it on ice or get it in very quickly.
Wait, why? What do you mean? They start to like eat their own body?
Yeah, like so like for instance, when like you go starving and stuff like that. Your body starts to eat your own mass, your muscle, your fat and stuff like that. It apparently, I could be wrong, mistake me if I'm wrong here.
Yeah, but, but, but how would you hear something so specific and be wrong about it?
That's, that's the way.
Is that true?
That's the way, baby.
They just know that humans eat them, so they're like, no, no, I'm gonna ruin this for you.
No, I don't think it's about, they see humans and they're like, let's start this process up.
How would that be a defense mechanism to kill yourself?
Because they're out of the water.
They're, they're out of their element. So in order to survive, they do that because like they say apparently. I always thought like you take a fish out of water, this thing is dead in two minutes. Apparently it takes a while for them to die.
Which is a fish that like you, you catch it and then you have to beat it with a bat. And I don't, I don't say that we should do that, but I do know that's a thing.
I don't know. I've never heard of a fish that you have to physically harm. Like there's like an old Irishman with a bat and he's just like, alright, time to get this guy.
He's got a leather jacket with the collar up and he's like, where is he?
Where is this fucking fish? Dude, I, I am too much of a bitch to ever go fishing because I would feel bad even putting bait on the end of the hook. I'd be like, no.
Oh, that's sweet. That's very sweet.
Like, uh, that's wrong. I could definitely, I don't give a shit about worms, but. A little fish I would feel bad about, but then once I got the fish inside the boat, I'd be like, oh my God, it's in his face.
People use little fish to fish for big fish.
I know.
Which is fucking crazy. Also, they, they like, you're not supposed to do this, but they chum.
Which app-.
Sorry.
Where'd you go?
I had something stuck in my teeth.
Which apparently is like illegal, like you're not allowed to chum because it could like create like really, really dangerous situations.
Yeah, with a big fucking shark pulling up or a 2,000 pound tuna?
Alright, 2,000 pounds, I'm probably out, but if there was like a-
Can you look up, by the way, if you could find anything, any information on tunas? Killing themselves on contact with oxygen or whatever Frank said?
Yeah, maybe look that up, but I, I-
I wasn't sure how that could be a survival skill.
Well, because like humans, once we are like, start to starve, our body starts to eat away at itself. Literally, our fat, our fat storage-
That would take days, though.
Yeah, I don't, I think it's like a quicker process and I don't, I forgive me if I'm miss-
This feels like a guaranteed no. Like now, now that we're getting all the information out of you, it feels like this can't be right, but maybe it is.
It, it is possible. I also could be like completely, it's another type of fish.
You know fishermen, don't you?
I know fisherman. I know un fisherman.
Oh, you know one fisherman.
I know un fisherman. He does, he does deep sea tuna fishing quite often.
That's scary.
And they're out there for days.
Let me tell you what I like.
A little crab cage.
Hell, yeah.
A little trick.
Come in here, some food in there. Gotcha!
Yeah, well, no, you let it be. And then, I always, we say a lot, you let it be, like you put something in there, they go in there and then you pull it up like four days later, boom, there's like half a dozen-
Fifty, yeah.
Fucking blue claws in there.
Oh, God, that would be so sad.
I wanna go and dive with the, the colossal king crabs, the ones that like Gordon Ramsay went down, he's like, "What the fuck is this?"
What, what, what if they pinch ya?
Well, just, I mean,
at that depth in that cold water, what are they grabbing onto, brother?
Oh, yeah, not your dick, because that's already gone.
I will be as, like a board, okay?
But like a pin, a pinch.
Yeah, well, apparently they can take off a finger, so like you need to be real careful.
I was literally just about to ask if that actually hurts.
Getting your finger taken off?
No, no, no, like a crab, like-
I imagine, dude, you see the size of some of these king crabs, they could have like a wingspan of like five feet.
What about like a regular crab?
I mean, I, I, I imagine it hurts like a pinch, but like, now lobsters.
I don't know anything about them.
They got one claw that they call like the ripper and the whole idea is that like it grabs on and it fucking Beyblade, you know?
Jesus, I would smash a fucking lobster's head if it, if it pinched me.
I don't-
Jesus.
I don't wanna go on big ships.
Right.
And I definitely don't wanna go on smaller ships to hunt animals that are designed to fuck me up.
Like, bro, Jaws?
Bro, who's out here trying to catch swordfish? It's got a sword, leave it alone.
Well, that's just because it's got a pointy nose. Isn't that not a tuna?
No. A swordfish?
Uh, yeah, no, no, you don't need to pantomime doing a sword. I get what a sword is.
But like, a swordfish?
Tuna and swordfish are different.
Hmm.
I, I'll be honest, I thought they were one and the same.
Why? There was two names?
They look similar, don't they?
Well, now I don't know what a tuna looks like, but like, a swordfish, I feel like, is a very specific looking fish.
So maybe it's just like a, like a longer-nosed tuna?
Can you just Google tuna?
Yeah, I got you.
I, I just, I, I'm not really that sure, but...
You thought swordfish and tuna were the exact same? Yeah, like, that's a tuna.
Oh, it's got a, it doesn't have a nose at all?
No.
Okay, so I'm wrong. Okay.
And then a swordfish. A swordfish, you know what a swordfish is?
Okay, I'm wrong.
By the way, we got Matt's because people were complaining that we were slapping the test too hard.
Yeah, I see the difference.
Dramatically different fish.
Look at this, watch this, watch this. I am wrong.
Okay.
Done.
They had two names.
Yeah, but, uh...
You have different names for like, male and female, like, horses, or cows, stuff like that. I thought it, maybe it was like, one is like, a male, one is a female. I don't know.
That's so interesting.
You live and you learn, buddy.
You've never seen videos of like, swordfish? Oh, you thought tunas looked like that? That had the big sword?
Yes.
Oh.
So they do die within minutes of coming out of the water, but that's because they need so much oxygen, because they're so big.
Because they're, yeah, they're fucking massive.
They can't, yeah, they can't get enough.
And you didn't find anything about this whole, like, eating away at their own flesh?
I couldn't find a single thing. I feel like that...
Alright.
They do swim at fifty miles per hour.
What? Fifty's crazy. Two thousand miles, two thousand pounds, moving at fifty miles per hour.
That is a school car, wha- what?
I'm trying to say full car.
A gold car.
That's a full car.
That's basically getting hit by a...
How are we able to catch them?
They bite and then they're on and then you... I think they have to...
I know what fishing is, but I'm saying physically.
I think they literally let them tire themselves out. Like they'll be on the line for hours. And then they're, at a certain point, the tuna's just like, you know what?
Take me up.
Rip, you know? And then, and then...
But like, how can you lift that weight? By doing this?
I'm sure it's bigger than like the little like Snoopy ones that we had.
I've seen them, they're like big fuckers, but it's like still like... You crank 2,000 pounds up?
Well, it's probably more, feels like more than 2,000 pounds because of the speed at which it goes.
That's so insane.
You know, so, that's crazy stuff.
50 miles an hour? It's unfathomably fast, some of these fish.
What's the fastest fish? Do fish get faster than tuna?
How do you get faster than 50, brother?
I believe some... What's the fastest fish? I believe some could get up to 120.
120?
Get out of here, brother.
The Ferrari of fish.
No way. There's no way. You know what I love? You know what videos I love? You ever see those videos of guys that go like scuba diving and they get rid of the like invasive species like lionfish?
And there's...
Life is all about making decisions. Sometimes you make questionable ones. Like buying a new TV that's too big for the wall because the electronics store employee was a little too good at their job. Then, sometimes you make great ones. Like protecting your home and auto with Progressive. You get customized coverage options, so you can be sure you have the right coverage. Get your quote today at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company affiliates and other insurers, not available in all states.
Like, "Cape." And then they put them in like this big bag and stuff like that. I would do that.
It's like when, when, you know, like prisoners are on the side of the highway cleaning up...
Is that...
Trash or whatever.
Is that what that is?
Or like community service.
Oh, okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. It's like they go down there to like do right by their community or something like that.
I could be wrong.
Yeah, no kidding. Seventy miles per hour.
Still fast.
Still very fast.
What is it? Which fish? What else would I be saying? The sailfish.
Sailfish?
Sailfish, never even heard of this fish.
What is a sailfish? I imagine it looks big.
The name makes sense.
Well, yeah, cuz it's sailing. It's, it's flying, daddy. It's moving.
When you think about it, it should be the fly fish.
There's another thing, aren't, isn't fly fishing, oh, that's a technique of fishing, isn't that?
I know fly fishing is like, a thing. But I, I don't know if you're catching fly fish, I, maybe.
Do they jump out of the water?
Bro, fish, fuck you guys. I don't, like, there's so much, like, that's a whole world that two podcasters don't need to get into right now.
I would prefer if they weren't so slippery.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Because then I could grab ya.
You wanna grab a fish?
Out of the water?
Have you ever held a fish, like, raw?
Yeah, they're, they're slippery bastards. It also got spines sometimes, they got spines, some of them have like little needles, they'll poke ya.
Ew.
Like a stonefish. It's like the most venomous fish.
I think we brought this up once on the show.
A stonefish?
Yeah, they have like blue venom that if it gets in you, you're fucked, dude.
Damn, blue venom is kinda cool.
Well, not when it's in ya.
If I had to pick one, though.
So if you're gonna die from a venom color, what color would you rather it be?
Blue.
Blue?
I think the other ones I've seen, like, snakes are like yellow.
Yeah, snakes crazy, dude.
I don't fuck with that at all.
I don't fuck with snakes at all.
I do like watching snakes get de-venomized. That ain't it.
Oh, when they bite like the rubber on the cup and they're like...
I don't fuck.
And you're like, yo, oh, you ever see when they take the venom and they put it in, in, in blood?
And with blood?
And then blood just turns into a solid?
Yeah, and like, literally like twelve seconds.
And he's like, yeah, you just do this, this, and now it's a solid thing. And I'm like, that's a blood clot, person's dead.
Uh, yeah, yeah, that's why they say that you have mere seconds. That's not it, minutes.
I guess technically you do have seconds, but just a lot of seconds that have been categorized into a larger thing. Instead of going like four hundred seconds, you can just do minutes.
You're exhausting. You're exhausting me.
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I don't know why.
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We are unbelievably amazed and astonished by the love and support you guys give us. So thank you. That helps everything that we do here. And we want to give you guys more of what you like, which is just silly goofiness, stupidity from Joey, and just really incredible insight from me. So do yourself the favor. If you want to save yourself a couple bucks while you're trying to sign up for Patreon, go to a web browser and type in http://patreon.com/wwww.patreon.com/thebasementyard. That's the best way to do it. That's going to save you some money. If you use the app, our Apple oval, our Apple oval, our Apple takes money. So save yourself some money. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Thank you, folks. We love you.
We are so grateful and we're just going to keep trying to be ourselves, baby.
Speaking about being ourselves, we should probably talk about the fact that Frank had an irresponsible Memorial Day weekend.
Hold on, hold on. All right. I told you this in confidence.
Well, I'm pretty confident we're going to talk about it.
Okay, I guess we're talking about it now. First of all, define irresponsibility.
Because that is subjective.
I feel like we're about to... You're right. It is subjective.
It is subjective.
Let's let people decide whether this is...
Well, I think we know that neither of us are physicians. I think I could say that with confidence.
Hmm, yeah.
Yeah, neither of us went to school to study human health in any capacity.
I did take a health class in high school.
Okay, so did I. It was mostly about sex, let's be honest. And yours was probably about God. God, the Virgin Mary.
The Virgin Mary's body, yes.
Can I ask you a serious question?
Yep.
How did they like navigate that whole... Because obviously a large part of Catholicism, Christianity, is the idea that the Virgin Mary gave birth, the immaculate conception. How do they navigate that and teach health at the same time? They were just like, this is how it happens now, but like that was a separate thing?
Yeah, I mean, that's the story like in the Bible.
So they teach...
I am referencing the Bible now. You've done that. You've gotten me to be like, well, that's what it says in the Bible.
Well, if you think about it, there is a whole line of ad sponsorship we haven't even touched yet.
Frank, do you think that Catholics and Christians are out here like, that's how babies are born? It's supposed to be like a miracle that happened.
I'm asking. That's why I'm not like, I don't think, I'm just asking.
Catholics and Christians aren't under the assumption that like, you just give birth.
But if it happened, like maybe they're under the assumption that like if it happened once, it can happen again.
Uh, no, I think that they love their God and they're like, no, it happened one time and he's coming back and he's gonna kill everyone except us.
Gotcha. You had your hand up. What's up?
Yeah, my science teacher in high school said, was teaching, what's it called? Evolution. He's like, I don't believe in it.
He was teaching it?
Yeah. He's like, I don't believe in this because you know, we're Christian, but this is how it happens.
Wow. Okay, all right. I mean...
That's a... That's strange.
To each their own.
That was interesting.
But, back to what you are defining as irresponsibility.
Here's why I'm saying that. Frank was like, "Yo, kicked off dog sucking season, had six hot dogs on Sunday."
Whoa, hold on.
And I was like, "Yo, what?" And he goes, "And three burgers."
Alright, first of all, Memorial Day weekend, you know, we take our dog sucking season very seriously.
Were you wearing sunglasses?
Uh, no, I, no, yes, I was, yes, I was, of course.
Then it doesn't count.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, then it doesn't count.
Did you have any hot dogs during Memorial Day weekend?
Now, and be really honest with me.
Wait, no, um, I'm thinking way too loud. Um, I think I may have.
Be really honest with me, here, seriously, please.
Are you avoiding hot dogs, or you just haven't had them?
I just haven't been around them.
You haven't been at, at, anywhere that had a hot dog in the site?
I haven't been with them.
Bring in the hot dogs.
Can you imagine? This is a giant hot dog.
No, like, you just, like, you've avoided hot dogs?
I'm not, like, avoiding them. I mean, I don't know that I would buy them and make them in my house, but like, if I was at a barbecue and they were there, you'd best believe.
I'm believing, absolutely.
You are believing.
So, you had, for Memorial Day weekend, which a lot of people consider to be the unofficial kickoff of the summer.
You had not a single bite of a hot dog. That's, I, I think it's crazy. And, did you have any hot dogs?
I went to a ballgame, side two.
There you go, okay.
Ooh, I'm going to a baseball game tomorrow, I'm gonna get a big one.
What fucking baseball game are you going to?
Mets.
God damn it!
I love-
God damn it! I love baseball.
I love a good baseball.
I love baseball so much. So, you're gonna have some hot dogs, because you'll be about, you'll be amongst the dogs.
I have a hot dog, let's not get, like, insane.
You're not going for more?
I don't know. Don't they sell, like, big, giant, thick fuckers now?
Oh, yeah, they do.
That's what I mean, I only did one of those.
So, it was Memorial Day weekend, which always seems to line up with- Becca's birthday. So, we had some family and friends over on Sunday. Recipe for disaster here. And I mean, it's an e- it's Memorial Day weekend, we're having company, what's an easy middle ground? Like, instead of having a cater, or like, do a bunch of cooking of intricate foods, burgers, dogs, on the grill, got after it. Yeah. Uh, and I did, I also had hot dogs Saturday. Why'd you have them Saturday? Just to, just to like coat your stump and get them ready for Sunday? We took the kids to a farm. And by the time I got there- You had a farm dog? I did, I had a farm dog. You're eating hot dogs next to horses? Oh, next to goats, baby. Ooh.
Llamas. Can you see them? Llamas. I fucking love llamas. You know they don't have top teeth? Yeah, camels. Excuse me? This place got camels, dude. Did you get on it? Uh, no, I didn't ride the camel. This place has a bunny enclosure, you can go in and like, feed the bunnies and hang with them. I like them, but I think they don't like me. Uh, probably afraid of you, yeah. But they see you have the food and they hop right up to you. Yeah, I don't fuck with chickens. They got a ton of chickens, peacocks. Peacocks are cool. I don't know if I like them. They got horses. Love a horse. Sheep. Indifferent. Goats. Fuck with them. They had little babies. They're silly. They had baby- they had a full steer, dude. When I was in Canada, I went to a, a petting zoo and a goat rammed my knee. Yeah. Dude, this thing had a full-
A full steer that gave birth to a ca- like, not a steer doesn't give birth. They had a, a giant bull, dude. Big nuts? Giant fucking fat nuts. Right? But do you see penis? I didn't see it, cuz I wasn't looking. I imagine- I mean, you saw his balls. Well, the balls are huge, dude. Yeah, just peek around the corner, you'll see a fucking thing. It was far enough away that I could see the balls, not the penis. That's wild. I don't know what that says about that bull. Yeah. Uh, but, they had dogs there, so I had two dogs there. Nice. And then with friends and family, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, uh, wha- what? What time did the party get started? Uh, the, the dirt- The dirt? The burgers and dogs didn't go on the grill until 1pm. Okay. Oh, no, 2pm.
2pm, so, 2:08, you got a dog hanging out your mouth. So, I actually, I, I allow like, the guests to eat first, and then I come after I'm done cooking entirely, then I go in. Everyone's done? Then I go in. So, I did have two dogs on Saturday. I had, uh, six dogs.
Over the course of how many hours?
It sounds about like eight hours.
Uh, three burgers.
And I had several beers. Some bourbon.
Some bourbon. And you said you had an espresso martini?
An espresso martini.
Midnight bean.
We're entering 4,500 calories.
I don't think it's that much, everybody. Chill. I was walking, grilling in the sun. I was, it was a little hot. I had, I lost, I shed some calories that day. Why is this irresponsible?
That's a bad shit.
I also had some leftover dogs and burgers on Monday.
On Monday? So you had a three-day bender?
A three-day dog bender?
I relapsed!
It was, it was quite the weekend. Yes, sir.
So you had six dogs?
On Sunday.
Technically, technically. But how many dogs did you make?
Uh, five-pound bag of them, so...
Five-pound bags?
They sell them by weight?
Yes, they do. Yeah.
How many people were at the party?
Oh, there was a good amount. I would say at least
uh, 20 people.
Wow.
Including kids.
You know, so...
How many come in a five-pound bag?
I, I don't know, but I held up the, uh, Becca made a TikTok and, and...
What's so funny? I'm picturing way more hot dogs than, than like it probably is.
Becca, Becca made a TikTok and held up the platter of dogs. And, uh,
It was insane.
They, they came, they come like proper dogs, like tied, like the string tying them.
Oh, it's-
So it's one long thing of dogs.
Oh, what? Like sausages?
Yeah, well, sure, but they were dogs.
They were all connected?
They were all connected, baby.
So you had to cut the umbilical cord of all these dogs?
I, hold on, here's the, here's the, here's me with the dogs.
Can you send that to me?
It's, it's on my wife's TikTok.
That's great.
It's, uh...
That's all of them?
That's, that's the plate of dogs.
That looks like the amount that you, first of all, those are not normal.
Those are big guys.
No, those are massive dogs, dude!
Those are big dogs. Yes, I will confirm. They're, they're pretty long. I would say they're at least nine to 10 inches.
And you had six of those?
But of course, when they cook, they shrink a little bit.
You had 60 inches of hot dog?
First of all, I don't like your line of questioning here. Second of all, I don't like how You had five feet of hot dogs! I don't like how fucking giggly fucking big boy is over here. Five feet of hot dogs? I don't like this judgment I'm feeling. I need someone to back me up here. I had
I had a Memorial Day weekend All you did was send it, and it's fine. Yeah, of course I sent it! Sometimes you have to do that. And I don't like, I don't dog during the week, but I'm not opposed to dogging during the week. Yeah. I just did it. Right. And also, I have openly spoken about It's a snowball. Not only a snowball, you, you, I've talked with you candidly, we've had a lot going on. Right. It's been very stressful with housings, housing stuff, and you know, all this timing and everything. Yeah. So I cut loose. I, I cut loose and I had 10 hot dogs in three days.
Big deal, I had a double tittie!
Big deal! And they all had the, the works on them. What? Of cour- I don't, of course I have Well, what are you, I'm forgetting, yeah. So what goes on top? Well, let's start with the burgers I had first. So, obviously, naturally, cheese. Yeah, which kind? American cheese. Okay. You know, it's the best, I learned from that movie The Menu, although that movie's a little out there. It's the best cheese for a burger because it doesn't split, it stays gooey, okay? Lettuce, tomato, mayo, onions, pickles. Might have been some bacon on there. Okay, so we had three bacon dogs. Oh, baconburgs. I really hate how laughy you are. I don't think, this is not that hysterical. I just didn't know you could buy hot dogs by the sack.
Yeah, you can. And they're great hot dogs, too. I am a lover of all types of hot dogs. Costco, PJs? Costco, Thumann's, they're deli-sized dogs. Look those bad boys up. They come in a vacuum-sealed white bag.
The details are great.
They do. They come in a vacuum sealed white bag, okay? They had, each of the burgers had that. Each of the dogs had sauerkraut, baked beans and ketchup.
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Okay, so.
Yeah, we're up.
Why are you so?
I'm locking it. That's crazy. That's awesome.
So you're calling it irresponsible. I'm calling it.
Cutting loose.
Cutting loose. Putting my feet up, tying my hair up. What's the one? Putting my feet up?
Tie my hair up.
Tie my feet up.
Tie my feet up. Hang me upside down and feed me ten hot dogs. Tying my hair up sounds crazy in the context of eating a hot dog.
All right, let's, let's, uh.
Damn dude.
You know what's even funnier about this whole conversation right here?
Oh no.
Is that Health Nut Mikey is sitting in the other room right now. And he is probably like, he's probably like, like, because Mikey's such a sweet guy. He's not gonna laugh about it. He's gonna be like, you need to be careful, brother. Like, he's gonna take this serious approach.
Oh man.
But I feel good.
I let loose.
Big deal. You know. Can we count the calories?
We can.
Can we count the calories?
I, I, I mean.
Let's figure out just Sunday.
I think that you would have to run a full marathon to burn off a third of that.
All right, so it was a Thumann's Beef Hot Dog.
I don't know if it's that specific.
Well, I think you could Google the calories. And I think it'll be like, I don't know, I haven't been counting. I think it's like 200.
200 what? Per hot dog?
Per hot dog.
God, that was sweet.
And then the buns, obviously.
Let's say you put a third of a cup of Bush's baked beans. Home style.
You put like a, you know, like a little bit of...
It says two, two, 160 calories.
That's not bad, dude.
It's not bad at all.
Times six.
That's, now we're getting up there, yeah.
Times six, so that's 1,200.
Six buns.
What?
200 times six, guys. 200? 200 per hot dog, times six. That's 1,200. Why are you saying 200?
Yeah, why are you saying 200?
Cause it says 200 per hot dog. It says 160. Oh, it's saying 160. But that's Wegmans.
I was just going down here. 130, Doomans, right?
Oh, okay. Even better. There we go. Alright, I don't hate that. 130 times six, what's that? 130 times six is 780?
Yes, it is.
Yeah. So 780, six buns. Those are maybe like 10 calories each?
What? And now we get beans, and then we get the burgers. I think I probably ate... Like, I might have, could, food-wise, had 2,000 calories that day.
Hmm, no.
Did you eat breakfast? Or the first thing you put in your mouth was a hot dog? I, I, I'm pretty sure I ate breakfast. I had some overnight oats with berries.
Amazing. How many beers? I'm doing the calculations.
Uh, let's round, let's, let's, let's say an even five.
An even five beers?
They were Miller... Kev's? Miller Lights. Naturally. Naturally. You know how I am. Mr. Miller Lite. Yeah. I did have an espresso martini. Which, that's like... Nothing. I don't know, yeah. Caffeine is a fat burner? It is a diuretic, so sure. Sure. Uh...
Bourbon?
I had a cup of, a gla- uh, two glasses of bourbon.
Oh, it went up.
It went, it did. It's all coming back to me now, like, Lindy on...
Uh, we'll toss in 250 for the works.
Yeah, I had a...
Sure.
Feels low, feels low. 250 for the works, too. Are we including anything outside of that, that, that? Did you have any lollipops, or...? I did have dessert. A cake.
Okay. What would you have?
It was a slice of ice cream cake. Oof. With the chocolate crunchies? Hell, yes. Now we're talking. Hell, yes. God, now I'm just jealous. Okay. Listen, come on over. Come on over, baby. Come on over, come on over, baby.
I don't know that I could eat that many, to be honest with you.
You probably can't, because your brain will tell you to stop. Here's the thing, my stomach is often stronger than my brain.
So I eat fast enough that my brain hasn't even figured out that I'm full yet. So by the time I have my fourth dog, it's like, uh-oh.
Oh, you just had a hot dog?
Yeah. You just had one. And it's like, wait a sec, you just had two or four.
On the conservative end, we'll say it was about forty-four hundred calories.
How did you get that mad?
Uh, just...
There's no way.
The hot dogs, the buns, burgers, slices of cheese, beers, bourbon, ice cream cake.
Oh, we're adding the other.
You start to get there.
Well, you didn't take into account how many steps I took that day.
It's true.
I took well over, I would say, ten thousand steps.
Okay. So that's probably like...
Subtract three hundred.
Yeah, it's like, five, six hundred calories. Yeah, no, but your body burns, your BMR, so he's probably, he burned, I would say, like, twenty-four hundred calories.
So that's not bad. I'm in the net positive.
You don't want to be in a deficit. Yeah, you really, you really earned like two thousand calories, which is fine.
Let's just say this. You call it irresponsibility. And that's fair. I know that you care for me and my cardiovascular health.
If you were doing this every day, that would be irresponsible.
Joey, I can't do this every day.
Obviously.
I'm not, I'm no longer.
No one can.
I, I think I, I had a great time.
I think it's, it's, I think it's amazing.
Missed you. Wish you were there sharing some dog moments with me. That would have been great. You know, I understand why you couldn't come, that's okay, but like...
The dogs are about.
I might have to chill for another couple of weeks.
And I'll be honest, I don't know when I'll even have the chance to have hot dogs over the next couple of weeks.
It's totally fine. I think it's okay to let your hair down and like go crazy.
I didn't have it tied up. See, I see what you're doing there. I wasn't tying my hair up for the hot dog.
Well, I was using an expression, I didn't think it was tied up. I just went like, just let it down, let's go crazy.
Release your inhibitions, you know?
Yeah, feel it in your skin.
No one else can feel it for you.
What a great song. Yeah.
Uh, so, okay.
Amazing, man.
I, and, and shout out to all of our listeners and supporters.
Mm-hmm.
They've been sending us, tweeting at us pictures of their dogs.
Some people have sent us hot dogs and I'm like, what the hell is that?
It's, it looks like a dog.
Well, it looks like a leg. Some people get thick dogs.
Listen, baby, people can take down more than you can.
He said it mad sexually. No, I know, but I'm saying I didn't know they made hot dogs that thick.
Listen, man.
It's like a Mondo burger.
This is America, okay?
Just get bigger.
They get bigger.
And better.
And stronger.
Ooh. Hear me out. Spicy hot dogs.
They make those.
Do they?
I didn't know that.
Well, I thought of it first.
I, I said it first.
Is what I mean.
Um, yeah, I like spicy things.
You do?
When they, when they have foods and it's like, ooh, it's a spicy, and then they name a food that's not normally spicy, I'm like, I don't get that.
Yeah, you are the antithesis of normal white people. Like, you can, you can handle spice.
I like spice.
You handle it well. It's also because you have spice at a reasonable level. You're not like someone else in this room that's like, "We're gonna eat the hottest fucking condom on the planet," you know?
I remember when I first like met Ant, him and his boys were like, him and the picky boys were doing a, like, every single day it was like, yo, hottest cheese ball that's ever existed, we're gonna eat ten of them. And I'm like, I don't wanna do this.
Yeah, yeah, it's, it's a lot.
You still got those cheese balls? Which, by the way, I had a couple.
Stale.
Disgusting.
I could bring them in.
No, you don't have to. No one's asking you to do that.
It would have to be at the end of an episode.
I would, I would rather eat them off.
I mean, I did the one chip challenge at the beginning of an episode once. Do you remember that?
Vaguely.
We did it, I think because we reached a certain amount of followers and we said, uh, patrons, we said we were gonna do the one chip challenge and then you didn't.
Here's the thing.
I did.
I feel like you say stuff and then you're like, "We're gonna do that," and then I never agree.
I, I think that's one of those situations, yeah.
And then you're like, "We have to do it, we said," I'm like, "You said."
I think that is exactly what that was. I think, uh, we had talked about it for weeks and you, I think you even, along the way, said like, "I'm not doing this," but I said, "We are." But, we're in this together.
We are, we are.
We are the youth of a nation. Uh, I know, come on, baby. Don't ask me who sings that.
P O D?
Is that P O D?
Is it P O D?
I always confuse P O D and Puddle of Mud.
I mean, it sounds very similar. P O D, my oldest brother, I don't know why I'm saying that to you. Thomas told me, he convinced us that it was an acronym for pissed off dolphins.
Might be, we don't know.
We don't know.
We're not gonna look it up, I'll tell you that right now.
Could be pissed off dolphins.
That was a big, they, they had some big hits, them and Puddle of Mud, Around the Creed.
Puddle of Mud, Puddle of Mud, wait.
I, I, I always remember the song from, it was used for the promo for 2001's Survivor Series, where it was Team WW, Team WWF versus Team Alliance. And it was, "I love the way you look at me, I feel a bit of jealousy inside."
I don't know that song.
You don't remember that song?
The only Puddle of Mud song I know is like, is it Blurry? I forgot how it goes.
I don't know. "I wanna get your voice out of my head, 'cause I'm a guy you'll never find."
What is that sound?
It's life.
It's just been struck in by the light.
You had me so good, I was like, what is that? I thought you were going crazy for a sec. No, it's Light Strike. Ladies and gentlemen, we have Light Strike. This contains alcohol, so you gotta be 21 at least in order to enjoy this. But I'm telling you right now...
Man, I feel struck in with the light. He's got the strike of light! I'm lit stricken. Yay!
He's been striked by light. Listen, uh, this is really good. On the sides here, 10% coconut water, non-carbonated, sea salt, and it's gluten-free. It's a hard refresher, okay? It's like, it tastes so good. This is a lemon lime flavor. And there's 5% alcohol in here? Is it 5%? I don't wanna, I don't wanna talk out of turn. It is 5% alcohol, um, but it is really good, alright? And we, we love to be struck by the light!
Do me a favor, add, add lightning to this when I do this.
Okay, go.
Then thunder.
Is that even in?
It'd be cool if no one did anything.
It might not be in. It might not be in. Let's try one more time.
Here we go, here we go.
Let's try one more time. Forward.
Uh, but yeah, so, uh, go get yourself some Light Strike, okay?
It's bold, it's ambitious, look at it. It's fun, it tastes really good, it's refreshing, it's a nice drink. When I sit outside in the sunlight, and I wanna be refreshed, but I also wanna get a little buzz going. Hit myself with a little Light Strike, okay, ladies and gentlemen?
Can't confirm nor deny, sounds like something that would... Actually, no, I can confirm, it'd go good with a hot dog. Or 10.
Or...
Or a, or 10 hot dogs.
Very clear, don't, don't do that.
Do not do that, but yeah, go get yourself some Light Strike, ladies and gentlemen. Go enjoy that wonderful Light Strike. We also have Bonobos. If you see us in these nice shirts, it's because we're wearing Bonobos right now. Me and Frankie had the pleasure of shooting for their... Oh, he's got the chinos on! We also, we had the pleasure of shooting for their summer linen collection. If you go on the website, you might see some pictures of us, just saying. And you guys probably saw them on Instagram, but that was a lot of fun. But, Bonobos is awesome. Frank loves Bonobos, too.
I'm a big, giant Bonobos fan for very long.
This was like a couple of weeks before we got an email from them, but he wore the Bonobos hot dog sweater.
At the Vancouver show?
At the show, and he's like, "Dude, you see this? Bonobos."
And before that, I've been Bonoboad out for a while, so...
Bonoad.
Love their clothes. Incredible fit, incredible feel, breathable, airy, perfect for the summer. And they also have stuff for all seasons if you're looking for it.
Yeah, and the chinos that he's got on. Sean, put your leg up.
So these... Dude, your foot gets hot.
I told you, dude.
It's unbelievable.
You think I'm kidding?
I thought you were kidding. But anyway, Bonobos is giving you 20% off your purchase with the code BY20, ladies and gentlemen. So go to Bonobos and buy some stuff. No need to bundle anything, just BY20 at checkout. And this offer is good until June 30th, okay? So, get yourself some Bonobos. They have lovely shirts like this, they got great chinos and shirts like that. They have a bunch of other stuff. I've shopped with them for years. I have a pair of pants that I refuse to throw out, and they're still, they still hold up, they're Bonobos. I bought them like, maybe seven years ago, or six years ago, something like that. But, they're great, so head on over to bonobos.com, grab your fresh new pieces, and use that code BY20, and you will get that 20% off, alright? So there you go, folks. Boom, boom, boom.
I have a question for you.
Yes, baby.
This is good.
Sounds like we're doing it. She's sending it?
I don't wanna say send it, get a hot dog in here.
Let me ask you a question. As someone who's got a lot of hair on your head.
Yes, I do.
Would you?
You got a lot of hair, too. You're doing good.
You're doing good.
Your hair's doing well.
Yeah, I don't think I have like no hair.
Thank you.
But you get ten dollars per hair follicle.
Wait.
Oh, no, no. So here's what it is. If someone, how many hair follicles are you willing to get rid of forever if each one is ten dollars?
Does that include?
And your whole body?
But you'll never have hair there again.
Okay. I mean, you could take hair from the Netherlands, you know.
That's not-
What's up?
What does that mean?
The nether region. You know, like from, from Gooch to, to, to, you know, back around.
The back, yeah.
The back. You could take every single follicle there.
I could lose, like-
Would you be hairless on your arms?
Uh, I mean, I basically am. I don't, I could probably count the follicles on my arms. I don't have a lot of arm hair.
What about your head? Would you take any?
This is, this is, this is, I feel like it'd be a crime against humanity if I took anything from my head.
I looked it up. You have five million hair follicles on your whole body.
So five million times ten would be fifty million.
Well, we have the mathematician over here. Thank God he's here to figure that out, ladies and gentlemen.
You know what did it, right? Yay, yay!
I would say five million, I would take all from the, the, the Gooch area.
Would you do your legs and just have like-
I would do from the-
Just have like ants legs?
I would, come on. I would do from like mid thigh up. Because like that doesn't need hair.
Yeah, I don't, yeah.
You could take all like chest and belly hair. You know, I don't know how much like follicles that are. I imagine most of them are up here. So like-
It says ninety to a hundred and fifty thousand on your head. So I think that's not
Ninety to a hundred fifty thousand on your head, so then the other four million eight hundred fifty thousand or elsewhere?
So then take every single other hair follicle outside from the neck down.
So you'll be very slippery, though.
So I'll be fucking forty-five million dollars richer.
No pubes, no pubes?
I mean, sure. I'm not like attached to my pubes. We don't have like a buddy buddy relationship.
Right, but like having none, you would have no pubes.
Alright, take half of them. But that's also worse.
Yeah, I imagine. I, I guess.
You gotta have some.
No, you can take them for the money.
For all your, all your arms?
I would say from the mid-thy to my neck.
Take it all?
Take every single, and I would even like, if I could, I'd establish like.
Oh, a line?
You know, I'd establish a line, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, take it all. And then you could do like ears. I don't have ear hair, but like, I mean, there's smaller hairs in there.
Nose, nose.
Nose could go.
Can it?
Toes.
Toes, get my toes out of here.
Toes. I have little one, like little hairs on my knuckles.
Yeah, no knuckle hairs.
You could take all that, you know?
We actually have a lot of hair.
Yeah. And I learned once, in addition to, it was probably the same day I learned about that whole tuna thing.
That most of the hair on your body is programmed to only grow to a certain length, like literally chemically programmed. That's why.
That makes sense.
Yeah, that's why your legs don't become like.
Crazy.
Your hair. Like, it's like, your pubes, your facial hair.
Not your balls.
Your head. No, your pubes. They'll grow and grow and grow if you let them go.
Oh, yeah, I was gonna say, yeah.
But like, your legs, your arms, your eyebrows, your eyelashes, they'll stop. I would also.
Dude, imagine we had to get haircuts for our eyebrows?
There are people that do that, dude.
People thread them.
That's not what I mean. I meant, I imagine they grew long.
Oh, yeah, that would, that would be, that'd be not fun.
I don't think I meant by that. I don't know. Like, obviously, people shape them.
I mean, there are people that do get them trimmed.
I wonder what you would look like with like, like eyebrows, like done. You know what I mean?
Ah, yeah, I, I mean, look at my brothers. There you go. You got it, you got it figured out. My brothers.
Chris at least does get his eyebrows done.
I feel like you would look
I, I, I love my eyebrows.
I like your look. I just like your look.
Thank you so much.
And now with the hair, you kinda look like a, like a bust of a, like a old Greek or Roman thing, you know what I mean?
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, like, like a, like a
Julius Caesar.
He was Roman, but I, I hear what you're saying.
Yeah, I like that.
I just think that like, the eyebrows, I also have a very pronounced brow itself, like, Becca makes fun of me.
You have like a Baltic forehead kinda.
She says, I don't know what the hell that means. I have a, like, Baltho, who?
No, Baltic.
Oh, okay, okay.
You know, it's like they have like a, like a, yeah.
It is, it, it, it comes out a little bit, like, I don't need to wear, like, the sun doesn't bother me because my eyebrows take it.
Does that make sense?
Oh, you're saying like, you, you kinda have this going?
Yeah, I kinda have a little bit of shade going on. I love it.
I think it looks great.
Thank you so much. I would say, outside of
like, my facial hair, which I enjoy.
My eyebrows, my eyelashes.
But the thing is, you could, you could do some, wait, no.
But I have patchy, I have patchy facial hair, as it is, I need every follicle.
I was gonna say also, like, to get your beard to a length, but that, that's dumb, that's not what I meant at all.
Oh, well, I guess, I guess you could shape it up.
Oh, yeah, you could get rid of like these.
I would probably have, whenever I, if I were to do this, I would have it be like, the follicles would be, would be picked by like, a really talented, skilled Dominican barber.
You know what I'm saying?
I know exactly what you mean.
Just be like, I need this, and they'll be like, we'll take it all, my friend!
I'd be like, line me up, and he's like, this way, go!
Do you like having a very straight beard?
Me neither.
I kinda like, I like doing it myself more than I like getting it done.
I usually tell my barber to not do this. Sometimes I'll do it, but then other times I'm like, I feel like I look strange, when it's so sharp.
Well, yeah, you see those people that have them so done, like, oh, fuck, who was, I think it was Fat Joe, the rapper?
Yeah, I mean, he's still.
He, uh, but I'm saying like-
His shit is done, and this is like a box.
It's immaculately done, and, and it, at that point, it looks a little
I don't like it, I like a little, like-
I know your barber's got the protractor out, like
Well, when they do like, the whole, like, they put like that, like, plastic
Yeah!
It's never happened to me, I know it happens though.
Like a compass.
Yes, yeah, they like, map it out to your face, or like, the people that do like, the mouthpiece when they shave.
Never seen that.
That's a real thing. It's a goatee mouthpiece. So you literally put it in your mouth.
Didn't you have a goatee at one point?
Yeah, bro. You go back and watch old clips. I go through it with my facial hair, okay? There's cleanly shaven Frank, there's goatee. Uh, there's somewhere, I'm sure there's just mustache, but that's not my-
Dude, I saw a clip the other day on TikTok and it was like, it was me, you and Danny and it was when you had long hair and like a goatee. I was like, this doesn't even look like Frank.
Yeah, and well, I was also forty pounds lighter. I think that was right when I was sick.
Yeah, I think so. But that was nuts, dude. I was like, wow, this is such a weird. I think you look much better now.
Thank you. I think this is the best look you've had. Like-
Now it's a compliment off? We're complimenting off?
Am I allowed to compliment you once you compliment me?
I know, you know me.
I can just take it.
Okay, too much. Am I, you mean-
The compliment.
Ten hot dogs?
You didn't need to go there.
I didn't.
I do. I think like this, what you've gotten figured out, you're not gonna get better than this.
It's hard to go worse than where I was.
Welcome to the club, baby. Actually, no, I, I've liked my styles and looks.
All of them? You don't look back at any of them and you go, well.
Well, buzz cut. When I was buzz cut, buzz, like, no-
I think when we were younger and you had the buzz cut, like, it looked good on you. It never looked good on me.
No, I think it looked good on you.
Are you insane?
As a child, Joey?
I think so, but-
I don't think so.
I think now with the addition of facial hair, as we are now in our thirties, some of us older than others.
You son of a bitch.
As we're now in our thirties, the addition of facial hair, you need to balance it out with, you know, like, uh, with head hair. Like, we can't go back to the shaved, like, buzz cut look. It just wouldn't work.
I mean, I just also don't have, like, the hairline for that. Not that it's, like, horrible, but like, it just, like, is up higher.
So like, if I was just to buzz, I'd be like, alright, bro, chill. Mad forehead.
We should do, if we get to a certain patron, we should buzz and shave completely.
I would ne- I can't.
Why not?
You know, I've ne- since I've been growing facial hair, I have never been clean shaven once. Like, since high school.
I have. I have. The times that we did, like-
Drag?
Drag, I did it and-
You also shaved it randomly one time and just showed up like that.
Well, no, the other time was when we did the Halloween makeup. When we did that makeup, when I was the cat and you were the devil.
The cat? Well, yeah, that was that time, but there was another time where like, this is what I'm talking about when I was my last apartment in Astoria. I remember one day you just showed up and you were clean shaven and I was like, hello.
Sometimes I, I, if I like, mess it up, I'll be like, just go.
Just get your shit out of here. Just go on and get. Would you ever just do just a stash, like a porn stash?
If I, I would, but I don't have a powerful stash like yours. Mine is.
I think it's powerful.
No, mine is shorter and thinner. If I had, if I had it like, not, not shorter, it's longer and thinner, if I had like yours, how it's shorter.
I buzzed that though.
And puffier, I think it would work, but I also, you know, those 10 hot dogs are catching up to me and my, my, my jawline's not what it used to be.
I think that you have a good.
I love this episode. This is, this is a really good one. I needed this. Alright, here we go.
We're just going back, this isn't a podcast anymore? I was gonna say, I think you have a good face shape.
Thank you. I, I agree. I like my face shape, but like, this has just gotten a little.
What are you talking about?
You know, like, have you seen that TikTok trend where girls are like, it'll be like, girls, humble your man, check his jawline?
Oh, and then they take their beard and they go.
And they go like that, like, mine has gotten a little chubby down here, just because 10 hot dogs in a weekend. You know what I'm saying? That's the only reason.
It's totally fine.
I agree.
I'm cool with it.
When you agree that hard, it sounds like you.
I agree. It's not bad. Yes, that's what I've been saying, right? I think if we get to 35,000 patrons.
I'm not shaving. I can't.
Come on, why not?
Cause I'm afraid what I will look like.
We'll do it together.
I'm scared.
After the shows.
That's another thing.
After the shows. After, like... Alright, let's make it a little more difficult. Thirty-six thousand patrons.
I'm not shaving.
Everything. Come on! It'll be a fun experiment. We could do it on an episode.
I would rather shave, like, my legs fully.
What the hell even is that? That doesn't... That means nothing.
I mean, dude, I don't know. I'm just, I just, I...
Uh, listen! Hello? Me too!
I know, uh, yeah.
I am, I agree. I am not in any position to shave everything either. But I'm saying if we get to thirty-six thousand patrons, you and I...
What's everything?
Uh, from the neck up.
Like, your head?
You can't get rid of your-
Oh, that's what you're saying?
Oh, I'm not even considering that. What are you even saying?
You can't get rid of your hair. It's like a crime.
It grows back, brother.
You're gonna shave your head into a buzz cut?
I, uh, for, for-
Yo, I bet this motherfucker would shave his head into a buzz cut. If you shaved your head into a buzz cut and grew out your beard even further, I bet that would look fire.
Nice try.
I see what he's trying to do. He's trying to make me look like an idiot.
I'm being dead ass.
You were, you're being a dead ass right now.
I'm being a deceased anus.
I don't think that would look good at all, dude.
Why? You have a great hairline.
Thank you. I just don't think it would look good.
I think it would look cool.
We'll see.
I think you should do it, like, you know, when the girls are like... thirteen.
Just go full skinhead?
That's crazy, but like...
Yeah, I don't think so.
Kratos.
Boy! You have no idea who, what that is, but that-
That's, uh, what's that game called? It's called-
You got it.
It's called, uh, d- oh...
You can do it.
Something that pages?
Come on, no, you're right there, you're right there.
I know it's not pages. What's the first letter?
I'm not saying that.
Harm? No, War-... Nope.
Har- Har?
Don't, don't, let me do this.
Oh, God of War.
There it is. I was gonna let him go with Pages, to be honest.
Pages, I was thinking Page Master for some reason.
That's a great movie.
Great movie, underrated movie.
So, so good. Tried to show it to the kids, they didn't give a flying fuck.
That's so disappointing.
God of War and God of War Ragnarok are emotional journeys.
Just wanna throw that out there, you will.
Those are video games, for those who don't know.
They know.
They know. Boy.
They know, they know, they know.
That wasn't bad, dude.
I've never, I've never played it, so I don't know, I can't comment.
It's really, really good.
You're pretty good at impressions, so I'm-
Thank you. Um, I think, I think, if you're, we could discuss offline.
No buzz cutting my head, there's not a chance.
Okay, alright, so then, nevermind.
You see what he is robbing from you people? You see what he's willing to do for you guys? Nothing.
You won't run a 10K.
One of those is significantly different than the other. I can sit down and get my face shaved and my head buzzed. The other one needs me to run. How am I gonna eat 10 hot dogs?
You put them at the finish line.
Or we do a hot dog-
10K's what, like, 6 miles?
I could do that, I'm not gonna.
But what if we did a hot dog 10K? So we gotta eat 6 hot dogs every mile. Holy shit.
Joey, you'll be dead?
You won't make it.
I don't even know-
60 hot dogs?
What? What'd you say?
You said 10 hot dogs every mile.
Oh, no, I said a hot dog every mile.
No, you said 10, you definitely said 10.
Oh, so then I misspoke, I meant 1 hot dog. 60 hot dogs.
That's why I said, like, we'd be dead.
No, no, no.
1 hot dog every mile. Could we do it? Sure. Will we? No.
Maybe not those big boys you got, but we got, like, little regular ones.
10 pigs, 1 pig in a blanket per mile? I'll run a fucking ultra.
100 mile race.
Oh, man. Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. That is our episode. We appreciate you guys watching along. Again, go to thebasementyard.com and get tickets to shows if you haven't already. We have some shows that are, there's still some tickets available, so we will see you out there. We are like now, as we're currently recording, like a month away from our tour starting, so we're very excited. And just excited to get back out there and hang out and have a good time. But go to thebasementyard.com and also go to thebasementyard.com/submit if you're coming to the shows and fill out those forums, so that, you know, we can interact with you guys in the crowd and whatnot. It's gonna be a fun time. Very excited.
Very excited. We'd love getting back after it. And, yeah, we're just, we're excited.
Hide your hot dogs.
We're coming.
Don't hide them. Don't hide them.
Enjoy them in the open. Hot dog in public. Dog, dog, pride dogs. It's June, which is pride month, right?
Is it?
Or did Trump take that away?
Props.
Okay. But pride dogs.
Gay dogs?
Gay dogs.
Dogs.
LGBTQIA+ hot dogs.
Equals.
Love.
This sucks. Whatever we're doing is not funny. But yeah, thank you guys so much. We appreciate it. Don't forget to, I don't know.
Patreon.
That one.
Uh, slash thebasementyard. Go sign up for that. And that is all. See you guys next time.
Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated