The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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15,904 words · 4 speakers
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Francis?
Doing well. Ah, Co. Francis Co. Don't, don't do, don't, don't do that. I don't like that. I'm very, I like my name, so I want you to make sure it's fucking proper.
Francisco?
Yeah.
Does anyone call you that? I don't think anyone calls you that.
Uh, no. My mom, like, you know, the typical, like, when my mom was mad at me.
She would say Francisco?
She'd be like, "Francisco."
I think I've heard your mom call you that.
My mom also called me Cisco for a while, which, you know, in 1999, I was pumped.
Yeah, because you loved the thong song.
Hold on.
You loved the thong song.
Don't say that, pointing fingers. The world loved the thong song. I didn't know what a thong was at that time, so I just liked it because it was a catchy tune.
Frank, we knew what a thong was.
You think in second grade we knew what a thong was?
Was that second grade?
Yeah, 1999, the thong song.
Uh, probably.
I don't think I knew what a thong was.
Bro, we knew Lita, and we knew Lita had her thong hanging out of her jeans.
Well, Lita wasn't really popular until like 2001, Joey. At the time in 1999, if she was even there, she was with S.A. Rios, who was who she broke into the WWE, WWF at the time with.
Right.
And then she joined in with the Hardy Boys.
Did I tell you? I didn't tell you, but I, I recently watched the TLC match from WrestleMania 17.
And it's still great.
And Lita pops out. I totally forgot that she shows up.
Oh, yeah, Lita.
And I was like, "Look at her, she's got her thong out."
Oh, yeah. Bro, that's all it took.
Ah, just a little piece of underwear.
A little, but the thong song was, it was an American, it's an American staple. You know, he was in, Cisco blew up. He was in movies. Remember there were other songs on that album too.
I don't remember that.
Yeah, people gonna make me unleash the dragon. You know, I don't really wanna unleash the dragon. He loved dragons, Cisco.
Cisco more than a lot of people.
No, that was like the only two good songs on that album that I remember.
Sorry, Cisco.
I mean, oh.
Yeah, he might be watching.
Is Cisco still around?
Of course he's around.
Is his hair still silver?
It's not.
Can we?
I think it's blonde.
I love how we're looking at the TV as if Ann thinks we're not asking him subtly.
Anytime Frankie has a question or says anything or like goes like this, he's asking you.
I know, but also it's only like when we're looking up stuff. Like I just wanna see a recent image of Cisco. Yeah, Cisco Systems, by the way, Wi-Fi, you fucking ruined an American staple. A hip hop artist, Cisco.
Have you never heard of Cisco?
I'm having trouble.
You've never heard of the thong song?
I've heard of that. I didn't know who sang it.
You didn't know? So who'd you think sang it? God?
No, also not that.
How'd you get there?
Hip hop Cisco.
You spelled Cisco like an idiot.
First of all, also, that's not Cisco.
Yeah, who the fuck is this guy?
Is that Klay Thompson in the first picture?
I don't know who that is. Type in.
That's loving hip hop?
S I S Q O, right?
I think so, yeah. I think there's a Q in there. Yep, yeah, yeah.
Cisco.
Could've given me a thousand tries.
Is that actually, wait, if that's actually Cisco, what? Type in thong song Cisco 2025.
That's not Cisco, bro.
If that's Cisco today.
Why are you typing in loving hip hop?
There he is.
That's Cisco, bro.
That's Cisco.
That was like a Hispanic man, it looks like.
That was a, that was a, yeah. I think that's Francisco. Cisco thong song, but type in 2025.
Cisco like that 2025.
Cisco thong song 2025.
Do we have, what is happening? Oh, that's a.
Maybe he's off the map. Oh, there he is.
Wait, teams up with the New York Philharmonic?
That can't be real. That can't be real.
I don't even know, what is that? The Philharmonic?
It's like a, like a group of like, uh...
Harmonica?
No, but they're like, they're like legit musicians. Like, you've never heard of like the Philharmonic?
Whoa dude, you ever hear Cisco hit those notes?
I know, I know.
Well, baby, that thong, thong, thong, thong.
Said I like the way you move that thing.
That's a great song.
Is that Maya? Is that Cisco?
Frank, this is also an audio show. I think we should ditch the Cisco for now.
Alright, alright, alright. I mean, wherever Cisco may be, I hope...
In a good place.
He's doing well, and I hope he is surrounded by thong, thong, thong, thongs.
You know?
You loved, you loved that though.
Who didn't? Don't sleep on Cisco.
I'm not sleeping on Cisco.
Don't sleep on Cisco.
No, I'm saying like, everyone liked the thong song. It was a very popular song. I feel like you liked it a little bit more. Like, you were like, yo, I love thongs.
Well, I think I, I felt cool because I watched the like, making, remember when MTV was about music? And it used to do like, the making of the video?
Mm-hmm.
And it was just like a 25 minute video of...
Women in thongs?
Of like, we're, we're making something groundbreaking here, and it's like Cisco playing like, the drums on a butt on the beach.
Yeah. What's better than that?
And, uh, and then at the end, they'd be like, "The worldwide debut of the thong song video." That shit came out and rocked my world as a little seven year old, let me tell ya.
Wow. Wow, I can't believe we were seven years old that came out. I felt like I was older.
Uh, maybe, maybe, maybe because you were like, reading Playboys at that age.
I wasn't reading Playboys at seven, was I?
There was the one in like, that alleyway behind your house.
I was seven?
I'm pretty sure we were seven years old when we were looking at that.
First of all, no one's reading that. I was looking and analyzing.
Hmm.
Okay, I just wanted to see a boob.
Then, yeah, you probably did at that time.
Weird, the things that you do, you know? That was a weird time. And then, we've obviously told these stories before, but, for people who don't know, new, new viewers, or whatever the case may be, there was a Playboy stuffed into the crack of an old garage at the top of my block, that I would go and, and, I don't know how it got there. I think my neighbor put it there, but we would go and be like, oh, and then we'd look at boobs and we shove it back into the crack.
We were very, we didn't want to take it. It was a communal Playboy.
It literally, yeah.
Anyone else wanted to go and get their.
There was an urban legend, oh, there's a Playboy in the crack of the old garage at the top of the block and you can go get it. Like, it was like being able to play with fossils of dinosaurs. And then around the block, there was a, the, the payphone that I would call 1-800, like.
Boobs piss.
Boobs piss. And then they would be like.
Too many, too many numbers, but you know what I meant too, you know?
But it'd be, oh, welcome to 1-800 boobs. And, and you just heard a, like a woman saying something sexy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We called, we called one of those once on an episode where it was like 1-800 like shit butt.
Frank, we called a hundred of them.
Have we?
And it's just like, oh, you wanna fucking do it? Yeah, give me your credit card. And it's like, whoa dude.
1-800 piss girl.
That's how people in the eighties and early nineties used to get off.
Phone sex?
It was like, they had like chat rooms for fucking phone calls.
I'm sure that still exists.
Is it like a big industry, like a phone sex operator?
I don't know. Bro, you used to spend a million hours a night with your girlfriends on the phone. You get it.
We weren't doing fucking, like, we weren't talking, I was talking about like, oh man, my fucking, this chapter Catcher in the Rye really sucks. You think we were going, you think we were doing like, oh, so like, what are you wearing? And I'd be like.
Frank.
Scooby doo boxers?
Frank. I know that you've done.
No, I will tell you that like when I, yeah, when I got older.
But like when I was like at that age where it would be like, we stay on the phone all night. It was not that. It was just like, let's just sleep and keep the phone there.
Uh, I don't know. I think you're lying.
Why would I have to lie about that?
I don't know. When'd you get a cellphone?
I was, I could, I was at least fifteen when I got a cellphone.
I can tell you when that whole like stay up all night on the phone thing was. And it was after I'd had the phone for a couple of years at that point.
Phone sex. Phone sex.
No, if we did, I'm being very honest.
You've never sexed on the phone with work?
Of course I have, of course I have bitch.
That's all I'm saying.
But I'm saying at the time, that's not what the, it was just for like comfort. I agree. I'm just like, you wanna, you know, I just wanna know someone's there on the phone. And like if I roll over and it's like, you can hear someone is, you know they're there.
Breathing and snoring and stuff.
And is looking at us like we're psychotic right now.
You've never stayed up all night on the phone with your girlfriend?
No, I have, I have. I just don't believe he didn't ask for like a kiss or something.
Oh, of course. I'd be like, give me a good night kiss.
Yeah, and then he begged, that's not a good one, give me another one, something like that. Or dial three if you like me or some shit.
I don't, I mean, it's honestly, it's not impossible, but I don't think that.
You, did you, I know I'm acting like you're 11, but like, did you do that thing ever where you have your boy call another girl? But on a three-way, but you're quiet to find out if she likes you?
No. Bro, I, three-way call, he's 24 years old. You think they were doing that at that time? Three-way calls is like a-
How old are you?
28.
24, exactly, yeah, you're right. It's too far away.
The good old days of being able to just like, go up the block and look at a porno in a cracked garage. Back as a child, I probably shouldn't label it that way, but like, the atrocities of the world were so out of our mindset, we didn't, you know, had a sight out of mind, we didn't care about that.
That was like all the way in Manhattan.
All the way across the river.
Yeah, but in Queens.
But in Queens, all we cared about, baby, just a-
Is the souvlaki guy in the corner, cause I'm hungry.
Hell yeah.
Is, is Babaloo who drives the ice cream truck coming around, cause I'm, I want some ice cream.
The Babaloo that, and also got in trouble for cocaine, but we don't talk about that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, listen, I don't know what was in that great white shark popsicle, but it was delicious. So, I'll take a hundred of them.
No?
That sounded like a little crazy, right? Cause we always talk about how we went into the ice cream truck.
Yeah, we were.
And then you were like, yo, I don't know what was in that great white popsicle, but I had a hundred. Chill.
I mean, I remember great white shark popsicles.
Those were whack. You like the wackest stuff.
They were delicious. They were lemon.
You were, you were, they were actually.
They were lemon.
Those are much better than the, the ninja turtle ones that you love so dearly.
Fuck you!
Oh no, the Tweety Bird.
Also fuck you!
Wait, which one's gray?
Bugs Bunny! Delicious! I still get it!
No, that one's the wackest one.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
They're all the same flavor, I think, too.
The people that hate the episodes where we're screaming are a little upset at us right now.
Fuck that.
Yeah, fuck you guys.
We're talking about ice cream here.
No, I, I, the ninja turtles, they've butchered my boys. Old ninja turtles were huge.
Can someone explain how hard it could possibly be to put the gumball eyes in the right place?
It's not, it's not because a person is doing it, it's a machine.
I know, but like, what, we don't care anymore?
I think, yeah, probably. I think that they probably don't care anymore.
I hate when I open it up and it's like, oh, we got an eye here and an eye here. What is this?
I mean, honestly, I am fully on board with just replacing those gumballs. They're not gum. I don't know what they are. It's dust. So just take them out entirely and just put
something in there, you know, a blueberry flavored eyeball or something.
Yeah, yeah. Or like the eyes in a, in a rabbit, a chocolate bunny. Those eyes are good.
Oh, I thought you meant...
No, not an actual rabbit, not an actual rabbit.
You had chocolate bunny.
Question though.
Do you remember back in the day? Where it was like, your keychain, it was good luck to have a rabbit's foot?
That wasn't a rabbit's foot. Right?
I think it might have been, brother.
A real rabbit's foot?
I think it might have been.
And also, why is that good luck? That was so popular. I had one that was red.
I had, yeah, I had one too. Well, yours was probably fake because rabbits are not red. I remember...
They could dye it.
Well, I mean, maybe.
I mean, frankly, I don't think anyone has...
Due to a superstition that originated from folklore with some theory suggesting it might be linked to hand of glory, a severed hand of an hanged criminal, which was believed to bring luck in European tradition.
So this is what we were walking around with on our keys?
Type in a rabbit's foot keychain. We had these back in the day and it was like a cool thing to have in your keychain. And my sister had a bunch.
See, it looked like that, dude. That was hanging off my keys.
Where were they just, aw, man.
But they weren't real. They were like plastic.
Some of them looked like they might have been.
Conviction. No, no, no. Some of them look like they were real. Maybe, I don't know. Possibly. But yeah, see, I had like a red one or a pink one or some shit.
I had one of those. I had one of those too. Or, I mean, at some point. I don't remember exactly when.
I think I had one one at a fair.
Yeah, fair. Listen, the amount of stuff that I had from fairs, they were giving out goldfish, rabbit's feet, Xboxes.
They gave out a...
It was a lot. When the carnival or the fair or festival, whatever you guys called it, feast some places called it, rolled into town. And that was a lawless section of the community at that point in time.
My mom hated that because me and Keith would come home with some animal and she'd be like, "What am I doing?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Came home with a hermit crab.
That sucks, dude.
Named it Miss Crabtree. And Keith wanted it to like run around and like open the thing and then it just ran away.
How fast could it have gotten away?
Yo, honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe my mom just fucking tossed it. It was like, "Oh, it ran away."
I was gonna say, these things, have you seen a hermit crab? How fast they move? They're pretty slow, brother.
I owned one.
Okay, then you should know that it was probably bullshit from the start.
Well, Mrs. Crabtree, Frank, I was a child.
Top speed, four inches per second. That's what Joe measures in.
First of all, that's very fast. Four inches per second?
One, two, three.
Whoa, dude. Four inches is not that. Four inches is like... Probably, right?
I, something like that, yeah.
Yeah, no.
Yeah, no, your mom probably got rid of that thing and crushed it in the back alleyway or something.
I didn't even tell you. I had a dream about you.
Oh.
Yeah. No, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't bad either.
You were just in it.
Okay.
Nothing crazy.
Uh, we were in a car.
So that means you're thinking about me.
I think so.
Oh, well.
Let me tell the story.
But we were in a car and I was in the backseat. I don't remember if there was anyone driving, but you were sitting in the passenger seat.
And then I was just going, I was trying to talk, but I couldn't.
Oh no.
Like it was like, I'm trying to talk.
Oh, what were you trying to say?
I was trying to get your attention so you'd shake me and I'd wake up.
So I was going, Frank!
I hate that part of dreams.
But you wouldn't hear me.
Oh no!
Cause eventually I'd get it out, but it would be so low. So then the next time I'd try to yell, but it would be like, Frank!
You'd never fuck me up!
Now, if I am a dream expert, um...
Are you?
Right now, it sounds like it.
I bet.
I think this, this sounds like there might be something that you want to talk to me about, but you may not feel...
What's up?
Oh, that I don't know, but that sounds like a good explanation.
Has there been something on your mind? You want to air it, we'll air it out right here in front of just me and you? And whoever's watching?
What is it?
I don't know.
I hate that, when it's just like, or like the one, it's like you throw a punch and it's like...
Bro, I hate that.
Aww.
Or like you eventually throw it and it's like, oh, this is so, it's not gonna hurt anybody!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ah!
It's like the worst feeling in the world to have that.
Oh, well, if you want to talk to me, brother, I'm all ears.
I don't really have it. I think I got it all out in the dream.
Oh, you got nothing out?
Speaking of dreams, I saw this thing, and by I, I mean ant. And it's a collection of 24 different... By the way, I couldn't even have told you 24 different ways to sleep.
Yeah, I didn't.
And, uh, I mean, I think we know what yours is, Joey. Joey's sleeping in 10.
I do not sleep that way.
There's almost no doubt in my mind.
Can I guess how you sleep and you guess how I sleep?
Alright, uh, okay.
I'm gonna guess that you sleep...
I already see mine and I know you're not gonna get it.
I think this one's a thumb.
I would say 22, that's how you sleep. No, no, honestly.
Close, I'm a 21. Definitely a 21.
What? It looks like you're in the middle of throwing a curve ball.
Literally is like, you're one.
Fucking El Duque, yeah.
About to throw something.
No, no, no, that's what I do. I bring, I bring my, my leg all the, one leg all the way up, one down. I like to stretch it out. So there's like a real difference between my legs.
I like that too.
And then I, I pull one arm under the pillow and I bring it close to me and the other one stays like right here, or right here, or right he, you know, something, something in this area.
Gotcha.
Who is, who in God's name is 10, if not you?
I don't know. That is, that is like a crazy way to sleep.
Um, I think, cause I've watched you sleep a lot lately. I would say that you're probably.
What?
I'm kidding. Um, I would say, knowing you, you're probably, I don't hate a 3. I don't hate it.
I 3. Not all the time, but I've done 3.
I see a 3, I see a 3. I also see a 17.
I was gonna say 17.
I told you.
The only thing is.
10 is like, you've been through and seen some stuff.
17 I do, but I would, I, I think mostly I'm like a
like a 2.
2 is pretty standard. That's, I, I would imagine, do you have, what's your, what's your like fall asleep side? Cause everyone has one side that they saw.
I, I sleep on my right side.
Or on my back.
Oh, no.
I always wake up on my back.
So like 13? What is wrong with you?
No, I don't wake up with my hands on my, but I'll tell you this, when I go on trips and I usually share a room with Espo, he fucking sleeps like that, like he's in a coffin.
Yeah, he does. He always has.
And he's like, I think I'll go to sleep now.
And I'm up.
I don't know who sleeps like 5, except for toddlers.
That looks like you got shot in the head.
When you sleep, do you have an arm underneath the pillow?
Yes.
At all times?
Doesn't your arm fall asleep?
No.
Your arm never falls asleep?
Sometimes it does, but not all the time.
How do you, how do you get the blood back in your arm if it falls asleep?
You just shake it?
I shake it and I watch, I look at it.
You look at it?
Bro, looking-
You can feel it.
Looking at your hand when it's asleep? My brain is just like, I know it's my hand, but I can't feel that it's there, so whose hand is this?
Do you like it?
I love it.
A little bit.
When my arm's asleep, I hang it off of the bed? So that it's like, I can feel the blood just like, oh! But then you can feel it-
It's like looping up, uh, like, coming back to life.
Jesus, you're horny. No, it's like, it's like filling up my arm. And I was like, oh, and now I can move it again.
And now you can, what, throw an old timey punch? What the hell was that?
No, I'm just like getting the whole movement back.
I could sock it to ya right now.
It is weird to feel like I can't make a fist.
I love whenever, seriously, like whenever my hand falls asleep, I look at it and I'm just like, what is this? You know what I mean? Like, I know it's my hand? But I guess just the way that my brain works? It just, it can't compute that it's mine.
You ever try to hurt yourself?
I do, I do.
Well, that's not what I want.
I know what you're talking about. But like- I've had like my hands asleep and I bite my hand.
Oh, I would just do a pinch. I don't bite it. I'm not a rabbit animal.
I do a little bite.
Hard though? Wouldn't you be afraid?
No. I remember when, when we were kids? Uh, we'd be at the lake house, bringing up Espo, his brother? He would, I don't know how, cause, oh, I remember how. He would always sit
crisscross applesauce style?
And play video games, and he would sit for so long that his leg, one of his legs would fall asleep? And I vividly remember this kid standing up? And taking one of his legs and hitting the wall as hard as he could because his foot just had no feeling in it. It was the craziest thing.
That is weird.
Yeah, it was pretty nuts. But, alright, ten?
Yeah, what did you fall asleep doing?
Sixteen's kinda crazy, putting the pillow over your face. I have done that though.
I know, I have done that too. I do that only, but like, it needs to be a pillow sandwich. It needs to be cold pillow sandwich. I need to be the meat in this pillow.
I only do that if like, it's very sunny in the room.
I also-
Do you sleep with a sleep mask?
I might wanna start doing that.
Give it a shot. I mean, I'm sure there are companies now that are gonna see this and be like, "We need, we need Joe! We need him for sleeping!"
Would you do it?
Yeah, but like, I don't, I don't, I'm, I'm, I don't feel a specific way about it.
Do you wear pajamas? Pajamas?
Sometimes, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
What are your pajamas?
Um, it, it really depends. Like, I have like pajama pants.
So you wear like Star Wars pants?
See, you know, this is a way, you're asking, this is a very leading presumptuous question.
No, I'm, I'm asking.
No, I don't have any Star Wars pajama pants. I do have a pair Ninja Turtles ones, I do have a pair of like-
Why are you getting angry at me if this is what you-
Because the, the way that you just assumed that I had them-
Well, I asked you a question and you're like, "It depends," so I'm trying to get you to answer me.
I have like the classic pajama pants, it's like the plaid.
Plaid.
You know, plaid, and then I have a pair from-
White family on Christmas, is that what you're, you're-
Well, we have some of those around like Christmas and Halloween, we have like pajamas, like sets for the family.
Do you have a, like a shirt that buttons up?
I don't sleep like a fucking, you know, like Archie Bunker, you know, with like a button up, you know? I don't like, that's too much for me, but I have pajama pants. I also sleep, I don't know, do you do this? How many pillows do you sleep with? And I'm not meaning like on your head.
Two.
Okay, how?
Uh, so they're stacked, but-
Doesn't hurt your neck, brother?
Uh, yeah, so that's the thing, like, I, well, if I'm like sleeping on my back-
Yeah, like not for R2.
They're kind of stacked that way, but then eventually, I just have like a, uh, one of them is just by itself and I'm laying on that when I wake up.
Okay, so I sleep with a pillow here, and then I, I do a perpendicular pillow, that I, that I kind of like put my leg over and I grab sometimes.
You put your leg around it?
Oh, yeah.
Do you and Becca sleep?
Opposite ways?
Yeah, pretty much, I mean, I'll, she is like, like, pull that, pull that image up one more time.
It's right there.
She is a full-on like, she will sleep like, I'm trying to find, like, eight, she is out.
Jesus.
She is out, brother, she like face down, out cold when she sleeps.
I am a little more like, I, I like to like, I have like my whole setup.
You like a little, you have a little-
I used to sleep with like a ton of pillows.
I used to have a body pillow, loved that.
I have a, like a king-sized pillow that kind of has taken that place.
Pillows come in sizes?
Yeah, of course I do.
What's a king-sized pillow?
A longer pillow.
Oh, it's like this?
Yeah, because king sized beds.
Oh, I see.
So like a standard pillow is like this, a king size is like.
Got it.
You know.
You would put that between your legs?
I put it between my legs and like, like, so like I have something to like wrap around, you know?
Cuddly little guy.
Yeah, but like, I fought, like Beck and I will fall asleep holding each other, but then like, once we're asleep, it's, you know, time to sleep. We turn around and we do our thing, you know?
Right. Then it's the pillows turn.
I love all these people that are just like, like, oh, me and like couple, we cuddle all night and it's like, shut the fuck up dude. No, you don't.
Too hot.
Not only too hot, but just like, you sleep well as an individual.
Maybe.
You know, like I understand, like I'll roll over and like I'll put my arm on Becca and like, you know, like something like that, but like, the people that hold each other and fall asleep?
I don't think anyone really does that besides those old people in Titanic who ended up dying.
You know who those people were?
Those were the Macy's people.
Everything seemed to turn out fine for them.
Well, no, they died.
Yeah, but they're.
Yeah, but they were, they were like, you heard, have you heard about this? So that moment in the movie Titanic. That movie, that moment in the movie where it's like the old man is lying on the bed with his wife and they're crying as the water's filling up? Heartbreaking.
Can we talk about that though for a second?
Get out.
Get up. Get a shot. Try.
Get up. Get out.
The water is pouring into this room. You don't try?
Yeah, like I know it's like a noble thing.
Noble. You're not the captain.
Dude, I know. Well, no, that was crazy. But yeah, so that moment in the movie, it was the co-owners of Macy's were, yeah.
Wow.
Him and his wife died, uh, uh, died on the ship when it sank in 1912. So that's what that was. Damn, Macy. If only they had seen what happened to their store.
Right. There's a big one.
There's, I think that was the one and then it built out from there. Wasn't it the original Macy's, the one in New York?
Is that the big ass one?
I believe so.
It's, it's a massive one.
Did they see, when was the, when was the first?
Who gives a shit if it's the first one?
Did they ever see, did they ever see the parade? Bro, if they never saw their own parade, that's crazy.
The Macy's Day Parade?
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
I mean, they just sponsored it. It's not like their parade.
No, dude, it's their parade.
So those are their, they blow those up?
I don't know if they're blowing them up, but like they, it's their parade. Like this is your studio and I am my own individual. You don't own me bitch.
But like City Field isn't like Cities Fields like thing. They're, that's an interchangeable thing. That's like a sponsor. You know what I mean?
Yeah, that's a good point. I think this is different though. I'm, I'm very well versed in parades.
Are ya?
I would like to be in the fucking parade. What do we gotta do?
Absolutely not.
You don't wanna be in the parade?
You wanna wake up at 2am and start walk-
2am?
Bro, they start prepping that shit in the wee hours of the morn.
We're not prep.
Well, if you're gonna be in the parade, how are you gonna be in the parade? Perform?
I just wanna wave.
You gotta do that stuff. Like you need to get there early dude.
No, not 2am.
Do you think I'm an idiot?
Frank, look at me.
In Sync, that's performing at the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade, isn't up at 2am rehearsing with the people blowing up the balloons.
They might be. Honestly, they might be.
They might be is insane.
They might be.
It doesn't even make sense to do that.
Why?
Cause the parade isn't until 11.
No, the parade starts at 8am Joey.
Santa doesn't come until 12.
He comes at the end because he's the big attraction.
Exactly.
But they, bro, I know people-
Dancing to the whole thing. 2am is insane, even if it's 8am.
You better stop.
Six hours?
You better cut it out.
No, because now you're wrong.
I know people, no, I know people that have done-
You know parade people?
Yes, I know people, cause you could volunteer. 8:30am, okay. I know, first of all, crazy, that's what they use to promote it with that bro.
What the hell is even that?
That's terrifying. Is that from Outlanders?
I, I, it might be.
I don't even know what that is.
Don't tell them. Um, I-
Don't tell him, he really wants to know.
I know people, so you can volunteer to be a person that holds the balloons.
That's so different than a performer.
If anything, that's, those people would need to be there later than the performers.
If, wait, volunteers are holding the balloons?
Yo, that's crazy. That's a big responsibility.
Bro, and they're big balloons.
Bro, what if you just as...
A crew let go of it?
If you were just like, yo, just on the count of ten.
Ten?
Way too many. At the count of three.
Four hundred. We're gonna let go.
Just let it go. It's crazy. They're towed by trucks.
Trucks are driven by members of the union, but like the people that are walking, you can, you can sign up to do it.
Oh, we're, I'm an idiot.
Yeah, you are.
The, the strings are probably bullshit at this point.
Hmm, I don't...
I don't think those people are holding them down. That's, they're towed by trucks. That makes way more sense.
So I think it's like trucks, and then there are people that are literally holding a string and they're waving.
Yeah, yeah, but I think that's more for show than anything. It's not like you could like let it go.
I don't know the inner workings of the balloon management at the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Really? Cause you seem to know the itinerary.
I mean, yeah. So I know people that have done it and they're like, oh, it's 3 a.m. I have to be on the west side of, uh, fucking, uh, Central Park, cause they're blowing up all the balloons now.
Yeah, him and Justin Timberlake are over there. He's warming up his vocals. He's holding the string.
I think that you are vastly misguided.
On what the, uh, the inner workings of a parade. You know what? Macy's.
Why don't we host next year?
The parade.
How do you even host a parade?
I think, well, normally it's, uh, you know, like the Good Morning America or Good Day New York people. And they do like, and now coming down the street. Oh, wow. Twenty-six years, twenty-six years of memories. Pikachu is now joined by his nice little friend, Evie. Crazy, I just completely misgendered Pikachu. But like, that's who does, it's like Hoda Khabib and...
The other lady.
Uh, Hoda and Jenna? I don't know. My mama loves them.
Of course.
They talked about us. I saw somebody who did the Pop-Tart thing and my mama lost it.
Yeah, remember one of them was just like, "I like the unfrosted chocolate." Psychopathy.
Fired.
Psychopathy. Absolute insanity.
Well, regardless, we do have, we have sponsors right now.
Oh, okay.
Let's get to the first sponsors for today. The first one being SeatGeek. How you doing? All right, SeatGeek is where you're gonna get all your tickets. You wanna go to a Broadway play? You wanna go to a basketball game? You wanna go to a football game? You wanna go to a hockey game? Any sports game? You get where I'm going with this? You can get it through SeatGeek, okay? Uh, I've been using them for years. I love their, uh, their interface, I should say. You go onto their app and you can see tickets. They are color-coded, so if they're dark green, that means it's a really good ticket. If it's dark red, probably should stay away from that. You're paying a little too much for your ticket there. So I like that there's that transparency there. Um, you can go download SeatGeek right now. We're gonna save you some money on your next batch of tickets, okay?
Uh, go to SeatGeek, um, download the, download the app and use the code basement2025 for 10% off of your next set of tickets with SeatGeek, okay? That is 10% off any tickets with the promo code basement2025. So if you wanna go to something really nice, you wanna take your friends to it, you could save yourself 10%. Don't forget that code is basement2025. So go download the app or go to the website, whatever it is. Use the check, uh, the code at checkout, uh, basement2025, okay? And this podcast is also sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy, uh, is customizable. You can talk to a therapist, you know, once a week or once every other week or once a month or whatever it is. Uh, you can do so with BetterHelp.
Um, they have licensed therapists in, uh, you know, all over their app. 30,000 credential therapists with a wide range of specialties. You can find the right fit for you. They make it very easy to switch from therapist to therapist so that you know you're finding the right fit. Which is important. And I think that everyone should be in therapy. It's something that I've been doing for years now. I think that it's extremely helpful. And yeah, so go check it out. If you want to dive into the world of therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp. BetterHelp.com/basementyard. Today you will save 10% off your first month. All right? BetterHelp.com/basementyard. That is 10% off your first month when you use that code. So get to it, folks. BetterHelp.com/basementyard. 10% off. You're welcome.
And whatever journey you're on, let us come along that journey with you. And how do you do that? Well, Patreon.com/theBasementYard. We thank all of our, all of our people that have loved and supported us and continue to push us to be better versions of ourself. Right, Dad? Uh, that have brought us to where we are today. And in addition, we want to thank our patrons over at Patreon.com/theBasementYard. If you sign up for that first tier, you get weekly episodes, one week in advance. Then that second tier, you get exclusive, triple exclusive, if Joe's on it, episodes. I'm kidding. Uh, maybe we'll get Ant's feet on there. You never know. Uh, where, uh, every single Friday at 7:00 a.m. So you could start and end your week with the Basement Yard. We thank you guys so much for supporting us.
Uh, we are really having some really cool opportunities because of everyone, not, not just our patrons, but Patreon is a way to support us directly. So again, Patreon.com/theBasementYard. And folks, for any of our friends that are coming to, first of all, we got back from Vancouver, had an awesome time. Penn State, you guys were really great. We had some really, really, really cool times, uh, so far this year at those shows. Uh, and we're getting ready for those Europe shows. Okay, so Scotland, London, Ireland, we're coming for you. Okay, and if you're coming to any of those shows, go to thebasementyard.com/submit. There's a portion of the shows that we like to be interactive. We talk with you guys. So if you go to that link, you tell us what show you're coming to, you answer some questions. There are some prompts on there. You answer some of them and then maybe if they're fun or interesting or whatever, we'll pull them out.
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Let's rock and roll.
I wanted to check in on you because, well, you had your dream where it sounds like something that you wanted to say, get off your chest.
Um, but you can't. Again, safe space. You can tell me and talk to me about anything. I did want to check in with you and ask if you're okay, though, because I know this has been a pretty tough time.
What's the joke?
There's no joke, dude. I know you openly speak about how, just from top to bottom, experienced the moment you walk in and out, Hooters has been one of your favorite establishments ever.
And that's the joke? First of all, you've been in Hooters way more times than I have.
I just, I'm, well, first of all, yes.
Hooters, Hooters!
Oh, no, I'm not.
You, you love Hooters.
I, first of all, love is a strong word.
You're one of those guys that walks in too, you're like, give me the atomic ones.
Yep, yeah, I was. Absolutely, I was.
I'm gonna impress the girls.
I mean, hot sauce is hot sauce, bitch. You get hot sauce wherever you go, it depends, you know?
You were trying to impress the Hooters girls.
You think, hold on.
Whatever you're about to say, yes.
I'm gonna withdraw what I was gonna say.
That's why you wore your finest double XL football t-shirt.
I could understand.
Football t-shirt.
Yeah, you're an idiot.
Kick me in the front teeth.
Hard to miss.
You're running with this thing that I have.
I don't know, you have teeth. I don't know why, you, you have great teeth.
Can I say, that's crazy. Can we say something?
I don't think so.
I didn't even know they served shrimp at Hooters.
If anyone has ever gotten anything other than chicken wings at Hooters, crazy, right?
Shrimp? What?
I, I, yeah, I don't think I've ever gotten anything other than chicken wings. Like, forget about, even burgers, like, it's crazy to me. Who goes to Hooters and it's just like, let me get a burger?
Yeah, no, you gotta get the wings.
Um, well, right now, it doesn't look like you're gonna be able to get anything, because I wanted to check in because apparently they filed for bankruptcy. Are you okay?
I'm good. What does, what does, I just realized.
That the Os are owl eyes.
Oh, I was gonna say they look like boobs.
Oh, well, maybe that too, but also they're the eyes of the owl.
Right, no, that I knew.
The Hooters mascot.
Is not the women being objectified for your money. It's an owl, brother.
No, no, no. That's of course what they're doing.
Yeah, we know that.
Do you remember when we were younger, it was like, oh, no, it's fine. Now, like, this was progression back in the day. It was like, no, it's fine. We don't, you don't even need big tits to work here anymore.
Good for you.
That's right. They were just like, we're now allowing anyone to apply.
Any, any hot girl.
Massive tits, big tits, just like regular tits.
As long as you're willing to wear the underwear that's riding in your ass. We don't care how big your tits are.
Also, I think at a time, didn't they, and this is funny that I know this, but like, I think that they like, it was the, the, the, the women that worked there wore short shorts.
And then they added like leggings to it.
Like brown leggings.
Well, like, yeah, they were like nude.
Like nude colored leggings or something like that.
I don't know that I've been there and it was like raw leg.
I'm sure we have at the time. You think in 2008, they were that progressive? Where they were just like, you know what, ladies?
Put some leggings on.
Hooters is gonna throw you a bone here.
I mean, I don't want to speak ill of the establishment Hooters. We don't know.
It's because you love it so much.
No, no.
You love Hooters.
I'm just saying, we are so far one for one with successfully reviving a popular restaurant chain.
One for one for taking credit for sure.
I mean, if it's the American way, that's the way I'm gonna do it. That's taking credit for something you talk about once on a podcast.
What does bankruptcy really mean?
It means they start liquidating their assets and figuring out ways to stop losing as much money as they are spending.
I know, but that doesn't mean that like they're going away.
I know. So there's different types. There's different like filing, there's different chapters, I believe. I remember looking this up when I was looking up.
Chapter 11.
Chapter 11 is just like, we are not like going away completely, but like, we're gonna start restructuring.
Can't pay all our bills.
Well, bro, look at Red Lobster. They're doing well. They're kind of a success story thanks to us.
Not their new CEO, not that.
Yeah, not the progressive new CEO that's like trying to find ways to like, so chapter seven, discharge in chapter seven releases debt debtors from their personal debts, whatever. What's 11? Why do they not have the most coolest type 11?
Oh, it's a repayment plan. So a seven is is like, wait, yeah, I don't know. Whatever, dude, bankruptcy.
Yeah. So do we, do we commit to helping Hooters or like?
You'd love that. Let's go get a tomic wings. It's not even spicy.
Listen, my time at Hooters is long gone. I haven't been to one since like 2016.
That's not that long ago.
I mean, maybe honestly, probably before that, maybe like 2014.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2014.
Let's back it up.
Those two years are massive for me.
Um, I think the last time that I went, I was with you. I've only been to Hooters like twice.
Uh, I've been several times and I think I've told this because my fraternity used to do an event at Hooters.
It was all you can eat wings. And it was like, you thinking of rushing? Come hang out with a bunch of guys.
At Hooters.
Eating at Hooters.
Did you go to like ever like, I guess that's a stupid question. Was it ever like a hangout spot? Like, would you, did they have TVs?
Uh, I think they did. Yeah. I, I, I don't remember. It's possible I have like just be like, yo, bros, what are we doing tonight? You want to go crush some wings at Hooters? And watch the game?
If you had to go eat wings somewhere, where would it be?
I'm, you're gonna make fun of me for this, potentially. You've never been Buffalo Wild Wings. A lot of people talk shit about their wings, myself included. Their wings are like not the worst I've ever had in my entire life.
And you're a flat or a drum?
I prefer a flat over a drum.
Me too.
It's, it's just Buffalo Wild Wings and like, it's not awful. Like it's not the worst wings I've ever had in my entire life.
They're usually very big places, right? Buffalo Wild Wings?
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Well, yeah, because they do what it's like, you know, it's like bro culture. It's like, there's wings, there's beer, there's sports. We don't have the tits like Hooters, but come on in anyway. Yeah.
Yeah. That's their whole thing.
You know what gets me every time?
Tits?
No, well, but a beer tower.
I am a slut for a beer tower, dude.
Dude, if you put beer in something tall-
In a giant cylindrical shape?
It doesn't matter how much it costs, I'm finishing it. This is a challenge.
Yeah, I, bro, there was like that, that, it was like 2012 to like 2015. Every place was just like, we have beer towers now.
Got me.
I was in.
I'm in there.
I was super in, I didn't hate them.
I haven't been to a place that's offered a beer tower since we, I think you were with me when we were in Vegas and got it. Were you there?
Uh, yes, I was. Yeah, when we went to the pizza, the pizza place.
The pizza place.
We got like, and they were like 30 bucks. It was like-
Crush it.
It was like, you can get a beer for eight bucks, or you can get 10 for 30.
Do you think people do beer towers at weddings?
But fill it with like champagne. Dude. That's genius, that's so genius.
Forget a centerpiece.
Champagne towers. I like this, I like this, I'm gonna get married all over again. Let's get champagne towers in the middle of every table. Where we were supposed to get married, they had, built into the walls, they had beer taps. Hmm. That sounds pretty cool, too.
I will say, this is cooler, when you could see your beer.
I like beer, like, that I could see.
I like when it's like labeled, it's like, at the top-
It's like-
Oh, you're kinda fucked up?
You're super fucked up? Where's my keys?
Where's my keys is not what I meant to say by the way.
I'm pretty sure, uh, yeah.
Where's my? That's not what I meant to say. I meant to say like, where's my shoes?
Take my keys. Although I should be way higher to the top too. No, we had like, we had, my brothers had that mug from like Spencer's and it was like a giant mug that held like eight beers. Or no, no, maybe like four beers and it was just like, I know what you're gonna tell, we'll get to that soon. And the first one was just like, uh, you're a novice. Keep drinking. Whoa, look at the dress on you. Really, just really being fucked up to people that decide they want to wear dresses from other genders. Genders are so, it's all over the place. And then the last one was just like, sorry drunk, I'm not an officer or something like that.
Dude, there was.
Just go ahead, go ahead.
Maybe two summers.
Two?
Four?
I don't know how many. Try like ten. Ten summers where Frank refused. Refused to drink beer unless it was in a boot glass.
And you, and, or you'd wear the helmet.
The helmet?
You loved gadgets.
I had, I had a lot, it was a thing. For birthday, my, my sister would get me a beer gadget. I had a ton of them.
You had so many gadgets.
But I had.
Expect your gadget.
I had the hat that with the two straws that came out. In concept, a great idea, in execution, piss poor because then I, I had to like. Like, I couldn't like, I had to turn around very slow, you know?
Drink out of a boot all night.
And so I saw Beer Fest and I was like, this is my whole personality.
This is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Thing I've ever seen. So someone, I don't even remember and I, I know my, I really pray that my father, I don't know why I pray that he still has it.
You pray that he has your boot?
Dear God.
Dear God, please.
Please tell me daddy has my boot.
Anything, anything, I'll do anything.
Anything for my glass beer drinker.
Yeah, but uh, I, and it, it held three, three cans of beer. And it was legit, like the whole turn it thing was legit. Because if not, the bubble would fucking smack you in the face.
Dude, just insane. Insane. It was crazy.
You want me to get, you wanted me to get started?
We lived in the prime time of like Spencer's Gifts drinking paraphernalia. We had the bongzilla.
The beer pong table.
We had the beer pong table that not only lasted forever, we brought it with us to several dozen places.
It may be still leaning against your house in Connecticut.
It might. I honestly, knowing my dad, he, if it's there, he's kept it.
Also, knowing me, it's probably covered with my urine, because I've peed next to your house a billion times.
Oh yeah. That, how, I will say, this thing was built basically out of cardboard. I don't know how, if it's still around, there's no way it opens up and operates.
Yeah, I know.
That thing was something else, man. It was like the professional beer pong eight foot table.
That in the middle had like the...
Yeah, there was a guy like this, and you're like, alright. It's like the NBA.
Ah, it was good times, good times.
What's better than a couple of drinking games?
Let's do an episode where we get two beer towers.
And we do a beer tower race. It holds like six beers, Joey. We will be okay.
Maybe not in a full episode. Maybe that's more of a standing out of studios thing.
Greg, do me a favor? Can you expense two beer towers for me, please?
Frank?
Can I say, can I say something? Can I say something? And I want to be, this is, this is being, I'm breaking down the wall right here, okay?
Break the walls down.
Don't interrupt me real quick, I just want to get this out of. Frank?
You want to get off?
Yeah. You just did it.
Frank? Is not an idea guy. Admittedly, right?
Yeah, fully admit.
Most of the time, I will say that his ideas are next level bad, right? Just unbelievably horrible.
Like what?
That beer tower idea may have erased your entire past. That is an incredible idea.
Get two beer towers in here and we should just crush them. That would be amazing. I would love that.
Jokes aside.
And we have to write stuff on it.
We have to write stuff like, this is the levels. Look up the drinking beer levels. Look up, look them up.
We should have like
Look up, uh, drinking glass, big drinking glass that has levels that are insulting.
Hey man, just look up beer tower.
That are insulting? Because they're like, like, almost like borderline homophobic, like the old ones. It'll just be like, you swallow, gah.
I think go to Amazon and type in beer tower.
I mean, no, no, beer tower, we could get, that's easy. But we have to like-
Frank wants to be degraded, apparently.
Drink your beer, you whore. Yeah. Oh.
Oh, what is this?
They think he's alien.
Yeah, well, while we're doing that, we're gonna, we have some more sponsors for, uh, for this week.
I'm so excited, I'm sorry, I'm so excited you said that, I had a good idea.
Interruption. Okay, we have
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Wow, okay. Get the beer towers. That's gonna, what's going on over there?
Serious talk now. Well, first of all, can you just look up big beer mug with comical things written on it?
Sure.
Just write, look at that real quick.
You're so adamant about being degraded by your beer mugs.
But also, it's, it's time to talk about something serious.
Go ahead.
There, uh, no.
We don't have to do this now, Frank.
We'll do it eventually.
What are you upset about?
I always, what's it, titties and beer? What's that, to the right? I don't always, to the left, down, to the left, left.
Yeah, no, we have a show.
That one, what's it say? I don't always think about titties and beers. Oh, wait, yes, I do.
Are you satisfied now? You're satisfied?
No, it's time to talk about something serious, so, uh, you guys have asked, uh, we have listened.
You're talking about me?
The Beef Boys are back. Joey and Frankie, the Beef Boys, are back. A lot of people often love our coverage of beef. Hal, you're all over beef. Uh, anytime there's beef...
We both just ate a beef stick.
Separate beef sticks, let's make that very clear.
And they came out of a box.
Okay? Joe's beef stick, you ate yours in the bathroom for some reason. I will say...
I don't even get that joke. Oh, you thought I was shoving a beef stick in my ass? Got it, okay.
The Beef Boys are back. And this one hits close to home now, Joe. So look at some of the other beefs that we've covered. We've been all over the, uh, the, the, the, the Hailey Bieber, Selena Gomez beef.
I remember that.
You remember that beef? The Rizler and Baby Gronk.
Quite, quite, quite the thing going on there.
Now, we've got Boy Meets World Beef.
Beef Boys meets Boy Meets World Beef.
I, I see what you're doing. Okay.
Have you heard about this?
I know they're up-
You heard about this?
I heard they're, uh, Topanga's like upset about something or some shit, I don't really know what it is, no.
Alright, so, in summary, basically, so, so-
Summarize.
That's what I was gonna do.
Do it.
I was gonna do it.
So if you had a popular, like, like, kids show, or Disney show, or whatever, in like, the, like, the 90s or early 2000s, like, a lot of them have podcasts now, remember there was like, Ned's Declassified? Uh, Chrissy Carlson Romano has one, she just got shot in the face. Now there's the- What? You didn't hear about that? She was on, it's, I'm glad she's okay. She was on a, a shooting-
Got shot in the face?
She was on a hunting trip and she got shot in the face. She's okay, thank god.
With a gun in the face?
Like a, like a shooting gun, like a-
They're all shooting guns!
Like, no, like a hunting one, the ones that like spray. The one that like Dick Cheney got, he shot someone with.
Oh, like a, like a, like pellets?
Pellets, yeah, yeah, they hunt whale.
Dude, still?
Yeah, dude, it was scary. She posted a picture, I was like, holy shit.
Is she alright?
She seems okay. She posted a picture saying like, "I'm good."
Okay, you tried to glaze over someone getting shot in the face?
You can't say glaze and then shot in the face, Joey, that's really out of left field.
You can if you don't do that.
That's really out of left field. Uh, but, so, there's a Boy Meets World podcast, and it's the, the, the, the, three of the heaviest hitters on the show. You got Topanga, you got Hunter, what was his name? Will Hunter?
Ben Savage, nope, that's Corey.
That's Corey.
His name is-
Ben, something Hunter. Hunter, Hunter-
Hunter.
You know who I'm talking about, though. The guy that was in Cabin Fever.
The cool hair?
Yeah, the one whose dad didn't love him.
He's like, "I'm poor, but I wear leather jackets."
Yes, yes, yes, yes, very expensive leather jacket, may I add. Why did all the-
And then he's like, he got adopted by the teacher, who drives a Harley?
Uh, Shawn Hunter, there we go, Ryder Strong. Great name, by the way.
That's a sick name.
And then Will Friedle. Friedel, Friedle? Forgive me if I'm butchering the pronunciation.
Oh, and the older brother?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so they have a podcast where they just talk, you know, like, life, happiness, joy. I love it. I'm all about it.
Another one of the, the stars from, I don't know about stars, a woman that was on the show with them. They had her on, and her and Topanga just started fucking beefing, dude.
Who? Who was on, which one was on the show?
There it is, Maitland Ward. I don't remember who she played in the show.
Scroll down?
She was-
Oh, the redhead?
The redheaded actress, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who was with the other guy?
I don't remember who she's with.
The guy who looks like, uh, he's, uh, you know, this other guy, who's, he's the, the brother's roommate.
I don't remember that. Who, who, but, so she gets on and she's just like, they start going back and forth, dude.
So, the story is that Maitland Ward was like upset, she thought that the other people from the show were upset because she was getting a lot of attention. And Topanga's like, "Yo, let's fucking, let's like verbally brawl right now."
Let me say something.
There are few things in life that are just American and beloved to their core. Okay, I'm not a fan, but.
Apple pie?
Apple pie, okay.
Bald eagles.
Uh, sparklers.
Spark, fireworks. I mean, I think we got them from the Chinese, but.
We did.
Alright, sparklers. Maybe they're ours now.
I meant like these sparklers, not the club sparklers.
Yeah, not the ones that come out with bottles, you know, and it says a sign that says like, "You're 32, oldie."
Oldie.
Um, okay.
Other things, ant, anything.
Anything American that you can think of?
A really dumb-looking USA hat.
Okay. He's wearing one. Hot dogs?
Hot dogs. How do we, how do we glaze over hot dogs?
Here's a question.
Hmm?
Clowns? Is that an American thing?
I think the, I think, um.
Did we invent clowns?
No, no, no, no. Mimes. France. Those were the first clowns.
Those are clowns.
Are they? Who invented clowns?
Mimes aren't clowns. Those are very different.
Who invented clowns?
I think that we invented.
Ancient Rome, ancient Egypt, and other cultures.
Hmm, those are jesters. Uh, nope, that's a clown. That's a picture of a clown.
Yeah, that's a clown, brother. Full-on clown. But. Few things that are just to their core American and beloved.
Topanga?
Really? You think Topanga?
Bro.
I love Topanga.
One of my first crushes.
Did you have a crush on Topanga?
Of course, who didn't?
I had a crush on Topanga too.
She's beautiful, you know, like, it was, at the time.
And she's so mature.
She was always like, she was always, like, she always had her head on straight, you know, like Cory was being an idiot.
Yeah, he was such a bastard sometimes.
He was such a little bitch.
He was a bitch.
He was.
He was, he was.
And she was there to be like, dude, quit being a bitch.
And Shaw's in the corner with a leather jacket, like, my dad hates me.
Yeah, he was, well, he doesn't even know. I don't think he knows his dad, or whatever.
Well, if your dad doesn't know you, chances are they hate you.
Yeah, he had a lot more stuff going on. Cory was a bitch because he had a loving family, a great house.
Great house, massive. Massive house!
And a lovely lady. What, what are you complaining about?
What's there to complain about?
Your fucking best friend's basically homeless, dude. He was a little bit of a bitch too, but he has more stuff to complain about.
I, it's just, it's, it's, you know, Topanga, you don't go after Topanga. That's the rule.
I agree.
That is the rule of life.
It's also a fun name to say, Topanga.
Topanga, Topanga. If you go after Topanga.
This boy.
He's pointing at himself.
Is gonna make sure you meet the afterworld.
Just kill?
Okay, got it.
You don't attack Topanga dude.
What did she say?
She said like, you know, like, oh, like, why don't we talk? So Topanga was just like, yo, be in Topanga. She's like, let's talk offline, so we can squash any beef.
Topanga.
That's maturity.
Very maturity.
Yeah, Mr. Feeny would be proud.
Very maturity. And Maitland War was like, nah, save it for the fuck, I'm coming to the podcast and we'll talk there.
Oh, she wanted to air it out.
She wanted to air it out.
And she was like, it'll be good for ratings. And Topanga dropped one of the coldest lines I've ever heard, dude.
Oh, fuck.
So Maitland was just like, yo, you were upset because I was getting all this attention in 2014. And Topanga goes, I was on the cover of Maxim in 2014.
Damn!
That's crazy, but can we say this? No. She wasn't wrong, it did do good for ratings, we're talking about it.
That's right, that is, that is.
Maitland knows what she's talking about, maybe cut her in on that deal.
That is right, she's not incorrect, but you don't go after Topanga.
Yeah, dude.
That's just like weird.
Maybe they should fight on the undercard of a Jake Paul fight that no one wants to watch. I'm just kidding, dude.
Topanga's very maturity, so like, I feel like she's probably taken boxing or like Tai Bo or something like that.
What is Tai Bo?
I think it's a fun mix of, uh, working out and dancing.
Tai Bo?
So what's, uh, Tai, or Tai Chi is like, energy movements.
Yup, yup, yup.
This kind of thing.
Also, isn't this so weird that growing up, everyone had that one dude in the neighborhood who would randomly, you'd be like, is that the guy doing Tai Chi over there?
They'd be at the park and they would just be like.
Yeah, I don't-
Did you guys have a Tai Chi guy?
We did, we did.
Everyone had a Tai Chi guy.
Is it Tai Chi, or is it H?
We also want to be careful that we're not offending anyone that may or may not practice Tai Chi, Tai Bo, or any Thai-
I'm not offending Tai Chi at all, I think it's awesome.
Kwan Do or anything, they might fuck us up.
Might? How hard would that be?
Everyone knew that one Tai Chi guy that was just like, "Now try to push me."
You know what I mean?
I love those videos on the internet-
Of guys being like, oh my-
They'll be like, standing still, they'll just be like, flat footed, they're like, "Try to push me," and you push them, and they'll be like, "See, I have completely centered my Chi, and like, I am immovable right now."
I love the videos of the guy, who's like, clearly, he's the guy, and then there's people just sitting down, and they're watching him, and he's like, "It's just like this."
And he's like, like, he'll just be like, "See, that's all you have to do, it's about energy, it's about balance, you just..."
Knocking some guy over, and they're all just like, "Yeah." And it's like, "Bro, how can you sit there and watch that and not laugh?"
Yo, have you ever seen like, the Steven Seagal, like, him performing in like, North Korea or Russia? Someone will come at him, and he'll just like, grab their wrist and be like, "Watch this."
Yeah, like, what are we doing?
And like, in slow-mo, I agree, I, those are, it's like, we're like sharks, where people like, you know how they, you ever seen people hypnotize sharks? Where they do that? Where they're just like, "Sharks are big puppies, watch this," and there's a great wide, and they like, put their hand on its nose, and flips it upside down, and like, scratches its belly and shit like that.
Apparently that's real.
Apparently it is real.
Yeah, but, yeah, but-
I would love to see,
I'm riding a wave right now, so-
Do I quit while I'm ahead?
I don't know what you're saying.
For a Santa Gato Studios video-
Here we go.
We get someone, like, a Tai Chi master in here to do those moves on us. Because I also know someone-
Nah, I'd be so embarrassed.
I also know someone that was, um, went to school for massage therapy, and they were just like, "Oh yeah, no, like, there are parts of your body that if I touch, you'll like, shit your pants."
Dude.
I, I'm not kidding, this is what this person told me, I've not asked them to, like, go for it.
I'm, I'm, I'm open to that being real.
Make me shit my pants. I would need to experience that. Like, you're telling me someone could just touch this thing and I would just fill my pants?
Fill your shitty pants.
I would, that would be unbelievable.
And you've been wearing bigger, more looser pants now, so you could probably fill a lot of crap in it.
A lot more crap.
Not only that, but I would argue that's cooler than like a card trick.
Well, yeah, cuz one is making, it's being done to your body.
Bro, Vegas, this is a great thing. Get like an ex-Navy SEAL and just have him be like, "Come up to the crowd, I need a, I need a volunteer." And just make them shit their pants. That would be so awesome. Can you imagine that?
I think it's possible, and I'll go one step probable.
If we had a guy in here who was like, "If I touch a part of your neck, you will shit your pants," are you letting him touch it?
Not me, not me, no, no, no.
Really?
I don't need to-
What if I got you pants?
I don't care what you get me, it's not, first of all, there's no shower in here.
Okay, but all those questions are answered.
You could get me whatever you want. What it would do to my, like, confidence-
To shit your pants?
Yeah, brother, I don't think I'd come back from that.
Why? It's traumatic.
An adult man shitting his pants on the internet is, is-
We don't have to post it, I'll just talk about it.
Worse!
Would you, would you let him make you shit your pants? Sure, but he would have to teach me how to do it at least. Ah, you can't, no, no, no.
A good magician never reveals their secrets, that's right.
I think, that's the thing, cuz you love talking about how often you almost crap yourself.
No, you talk about me doing that all the time.
Because offline, you talk about it, you're smart.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do. How often does he talk about almost crapping his pants?
Frank, you're a manipulator, and you, you tell lies on the show, and you create narratives, and then people just believe them because you create narratives and you make it up and you're a liar gaslighter.
Get Topanga on my side. Topanga, you hear how he's talking about us?
Projecting, projecting, projecting.
You hear how he's talking about us?
Hooters, hooters, hooters!
Oh, is that, whoa, is that Tabanga now?
I believe, she was at like a WWE event recently.
Look at that shirt. That's a Frank shirt there.
Oh yeah, it's a Frank shirt, baby.
That looks like a sick shirt.
I'm sorry.
That's a sick shirt. I like that shirt.
That is.
That's the redhead?
Wow, that doesn't look like the hair that I remember at all.
I honestly don't even remember her from the show if I hadn't looked up this article.
Yeah, she was always with the, uh, the brother and the roommate and then her. And it was like this weird love triangle, kind of.
Do we have to go back and watch all of Boy Meets World?
We don't, alright? We don't have to do that.
Honestly?
What episode stands out? When you think about Boy Meets World, what stands out?
Hmm, ask me again. You tell your answer, then I'm gonna drink this water, cause there's something caught in my throat.
Got it. Two answers. One, there was a Halloween episode that scared the shit out of me. And I remember seeing that specifically, where the lights go off and the lights turn on, and the guy's got a pencil through his head.
Yup.
And he slides down the wall, and he goes, "I'll always remember, he was this tall." And I was terrified.
Yeah, the Hal- anytime like a show, it's like, like kid shows did a Halloween episode, that's when they were like, "We're gonna scare the shit out of the kids that are watching this."
Crazy.
I think Keaton and Kel did one that fucking petrified me as a child.
I was scared of everything.
I recently re-watched, oh man, I tweeted about this, but I recently was like, it was up one morning, and it was just Miles and I up, and I was like, "Yo, you wanna like, watch, Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
And he was like, "Yeah."
In the morning?
In the morning, and he was like, "Yeah."
At night, it's too crazy, it's scary.
Cause I, I loaded this, I loaded it up. I was just like, dude, this show, like as a kid, it scared the shit out of me. Like, it was really terrifying. There was one episode in particular, Tale of the Gasly Grinner, I've spoken about it.
And I was like, "Yo, you wanna watch it?" He's like, "Yeah." I was like, "It might scare you." He's like, "I'm good, dude, I'm fine with it." I was like, "Let's put it on."
Ain't a bitch like you, Kiki.
And we watched it, and boy, oh boy, did it make me look like a little baby, because it was not scary at all.
But come on, you could see why as a little kid, I was terrified of this.
Yeah, I didn't fuck with that at all.
You know what I'm saying? And he was just like, "You found, you found this scary?"
Damn.
Yeah, he hit me hard.
Damn, you gotta show him like, insidious or something.
Now, I was thinking, now, next, I'm gonna have to show him something crazy, but Becca, Becca might be a little upset about that one.
What, like a something really, if you had to show someone, what's the scariest movie you've ever seen?
The Strangers.
Is that the one where they knock on the doors?
Yeah, where it's just like, why us? It's like, you were home. Terrifying.
That's why?
That's what they say.
Well, that's why you're barricading all those doors.
You're damn right, baby.
Yeah, I don't like home invasions. I don't like that at all.
Who does?
I don't like haunted shit, though. That's like, I can get past that, the strangers concept.
Once you're getting into like haunting, like, I don't know why.
See, I'm the opposite. I, things that are real freak me out way more than things that are like supernatural.
Yeah, but like, uh, I, I agree, but I, I just feel differently about like haunting and like religious shit. Cause I'm like, oh, I don't, I don't know.
Hmm, I mean, yeah, I mean, you all, you were also raised more religious than I was. So like, I can understand. Becca's like that, though.
But that's not why. It's like, there's, there's accounts of exorcisms. Like, there's people who do that.
And it's like, what is that? Like, what is going on with this person? That they think there's a demon.
Becca's like you in that regard. Like, uh, like a, a sci-fi or like a, like a, like a a horror movie about like, just like a person that's scary? Okay with the moment it's like supernatural or like religious or like demonic, she's just like, I'm out.
I, I'll watch them. The only thing that gets me out of movies is jump scares. I hate them.
You do, you've said this before. You do the whole like, who's texting me right now?
I do that all the time. Or I get something in my eye for like 10 minutes. I'm like, the fuck?
Nah, I love, I love horror movies. Love them.
You like being scared?
I do. I like it.
Like someone going like, huh? And you're like, huh?
One of my favorite TikToks is like that, it's like a compilation of people scaring other people. Like, they're like, there's like this kid that like scares his grandmother and he just like runs up to her and he's like
and she like fucking like freaks out.
I'm terrified of scaring old people. I feel like you could.
Yeah, they're, they're one step in.
They're one, one foot in, one foot out. You know what I'm saying?
I feel like when you scare someone, like that feeling in your chest, your heart has to like do something, shut off.
When I was a kid, my sister scared me once so bad that I started crying.
Yeah dude, are you kidding me? I used to cry all the time for stuff.
Being scared, that was the least of it. I cried for numerous reasons dude.
I love a good scare.
Ninety percent of the time it was girls.
You cried about girls too?
What up bitch? I did.
Remember when you cried?
Don't, don't!
You cried on a, on a piece of paper and you circled it and you're like, oh there was a tear.
No, it wasn't a real cry.
I know.
Oh wait, yeah, no, you, you just licked it.
Yeah. First time I remember crying for a girl was when I told the girl in second grade that I loved her. No, not loved her, liked her. And it was the day after I watched the making of the video of Cisco Thong Song. Full circle!
Wait, what?
Full circle, baby!
It was the day after?
Yup, full circle!
That's how it, how zoned in you were on Cisco?
That you remember the next day.
Yeah, yeah. It was, I mean, it was a traumatic time, you know?
Wait, what was that, second grade?
Same year you stopped talking to me because Kelsey said I was her friend?
Best friend bitch, you know, you know that-
This girl Kelsey, she gave me a thing on Valentine's Day. Like when you're a kid, like everyone gives stuff out to each other in, in class. She gave me this thing and Frankie was just standing next to me. Or I had like a bunch and I was just like going through and one of them said, Kelsey, it's like, "From your best friend Kelsey." And then he went, "What?" And I looked at him, he looked at me, like I stabbed him and he was like, "I thought I was your best friend."
Listen, we've established-
And I was like, "You are, she wrote that, I didn't write that!" And he was like,
Listen-
"Two weeks, bro, two weeks!"
Oh wait, it was about you being the best friend?
Yeah!
I thought it was about Kelsey, like he liked Kelsey as well.
No!
We've established that I am a dominant Leo and one of my traits is that I am loyal, I'm ride or fucking die for my people.
That's not loyalty!
That is loyalty bitch!
How's that loyal?
Cause you were being disloyal.
I wasn't being disloyal!
Your best friend cheated on me, your best friend cheated!
She said I was her best friend.
That doesn't mean she's lying.
Why would she say that? Why would she assume that, that, that, that relationship is there?
Can I be honest with you?
I have no idea. Do you remember me and Kelsey being best friends?
I think, I think-
I did have a crush on her though.
There you go!
She moved away at the end of the year.
So she might have been, this might have been the basement yard with Kelsey and Joe! But it isn't now! I won bitch!
Bro, do you remember?
Do you remember when Kelsey moved away? It was, she could have gone-
I remember the next year-
It was basically she went to Japan dude, she moved fifteen minutes-
And I remember the next year, at the end of the school year, she came back. Remember the end, the last like three weeks of school at elementary school were just like toss ups. No one gave a fuck what you did.
Like what are we doing today? We're watching a movie and eating gushers from morning to afternoon.
It was an ice cream party at Ms. Pogerman's class.
Yeah, and she like showed up and people like made a big deal of it. Like the teachers and everything were like, "We got a surprise." And it was the kid you haven't seen in a year. And everyone was just like-
You would think LeBron James showed up.
Yeah, well at the time, it wouldn't have been LeBron James. It would have been like Derek Jeter or Lisa Leslie.
Jason Kidd.
Yeah, Jason Kidd.
I don't know. But yeah, I remember she showed up and I was like, "What are you doing here?"
Yeah, you were, it was like the last episode of like the season finale of Dawson's Creek. Where it's just like, things are gonna happen and it's just like, the ex walks in and it's like, "What? But you're suppo- you're supposed to have died in a sailing crash."
In a sailing crash.
That's what it was.
But yeah, so that, but you probably weren't happy about that either.
No bitch. I mean, I don't remember-
Get out of here. Probably got rid of you.
Nah, I had a one at that point in time. I had one. So she can come back as many times as she wants. She can come back right now, get her on the episode. It ain't gonna fucking matter.
I wonder what she's doing.
I don't care.
Hope no one finds her. Even though it's a very random name.
A thousand million-
Kelseys in the world. Uh, but yeah.
Her last name was Kelsey. It was Travis.
Oh, I get it.
It was Kelsey, yeah. It wasn't Travis Kelsey.
Should we end the episode on that incredibly-
Over the roaring laughter, we'll just-
Alright guys, we gotta get out of here now. That was unbelievable. Um-
Oh god, it's so funny.
Dude, you know what I would love to do?
Go through our yearbook in 5th grade. And just- Just like our class. And just like point people out and just remember stuff about them.
Let's do it. I mean, we're also, we'd be invading people's privacy by doing that.
Uh, just first names.
Okay. But that's just an us thing, like, we should do that me and you. Like, I don't think people are gonna wanna watch an hour of that.
I think they would love to hear about these stories.
I think only if we got to 35,000 patrons, they'd really-
I remember one time I pushed a mirror into a fence and he chased me.
Yeah, I remember, uh, we were trying to come up with cool nicknames for all our friends. So our friend Eric, we nicknamed him EXM.
What is that?
I was, you were Joe Mudd, I was Fax Two. He needed one, so he became EXM.
I remember, one morning, we were walking to school and I was wearing a headband. Not relevant to the story. But I was wearing a-
Completely superfluous.
I was wearing a gray headband. And you wrote Fax into the concrete and I was too afraid to write my name in it.
Sometimes you live dangerously, and that was me.
See?
Sometimes you live dangerously. I remember we went-
I was Ben Savage.
I remember we went and we played SpongeBob Uno at your Crush's Gillian's house and we didn't know why it smelled so weird. Hindsight, reeked of weed.
Reeked of weed.
Her parents were big potheads.
They were like hippies, kinda.
Yeah, they were like hippies and like-
We played spoons!
We played spoons and we played SpongeBob Uno.
And they were like, "Why don't you guys have to be home?" And I'm like, "Our parents do not give a shit."
I was like, "I have to be home at 7 o'clock for dinner?"
As they were saying that, they were like, "Why don't you guys- -have to be home?"
They were nice people and they had a new apartment with us.
Yeah, it doesn't mean the smoking weed doesn't mean they're bad people. Very, very boomer of you, Joey, wow.
They, they, no, I just didn't want anyone to think that we were doing that. Also, I went to middle school with her-
Yeah, they weren't rolling up joints in front of us, just so we're clear.
Yeah, yeah, that was not happening. But like, I remember I went to middle school with her and her dad drove us home one time.
In a station wagon?
Yeah, something like that.
But I'm in the backseat and then he starts going off about graffiti. And then I remember being like, "I don't know, I think it's like, pretty cool, it's like art."
Never saw her again, did you?
He was like-
Never.
I legit never got a ride home again. But I don't know if that was because of why.
We just stopped being, me and her stopped being friends.
He might have gotten like, in trouble for like, you know, rolling doobies or something.
Nah, he was just like, "No, it's disrespectful to people's businesses." And I was just like, "Nah, I feel like bubble letters are sick."
You definitely loved bubble letters. Bubble Letter Joe. Bubble Letter Joe.
You're the one who got in trouble. You always bring that up, but you forget that it was actually you.
I got in trouble for it, but no one got in trouble, no one got mad at Joe because he was a bubble letter kid, because he had cool bubble letters.
That's where we're gonna end it, folks.
Yeah. Sorry for the last five minutes.
We're just reminiscing.
That was just for us.
Um, but we will get some beer towers in here and it will get a little crazy. I think that we should definitely do that.
The Beer Tower Boys. The Beer Tower Basement Boys. Bring...
The Basement Yard Beer Tower...
Bash! Basement Boys Beer Tower Bash!
Guys, go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. Uh, go follow me at Joe Sanagall. Frank, when they find you?
And you guys, and that is all. We appreciate you guys so much. Don't forget to go to thebasementyard.com/submit if you're coming to shows, uh, this year, uh, in the UK or in Ireland. Hit us up. Basementyard.com/submit. Submit, submit, submit. See you next time.
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