The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. I don't know why I lifted up my microphone, but welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, you're all in light blue.
Show your muscles. That's why you were doing it.
I don't know why. I picked it up like this.
You're golden out today. You're goldy, goldy locks.
What do you mean?
Gold, the gold. The shirt, the gold.
This is called beige.
I know what it's called, bitch. But I'm saying, like, everything, like, you got the gold on the watch.
I mean, you're all light blue.
I mean, I...
Old, old merch.
Old merch. You see this? Old, old, old.
Do you know that...
Oldie logs.
I, I cut that with a knife.
That's what all those cuts are?
Yeah.
That sucks.
I...
Why would you do that?
Why are you wearing it if it sucks?
Um...
That's a stupid question.
Touche, touche.
Yeah. Actually, I don't know if that's true.
Why is this a stupid question? Because I wear other stuff that sucks?
Wait, wait, wait. So, so, hold on. So, this was just a normal denim hat? Which is a crazy thing to say in the year of our Lord 2025.
Um, and you just like, you know what? I want to make it look tattered, so I'm going to take a knife to it?
That was the idea with it, yes.
So, every one of these hats that went out, you did that too?
Now, I can't remember. I feel like there wasn't a lot of those that actually went out. But I'm pretty sure I did it.
So, if anyone has this hat in the world?
Just know that the Lord and Savior over there, Joey Santagati... Took a knife to it.
Like held a knife, did you hold a knife to it like British style? Like it was a, or was it a fucking kitchen knife?
What's British style?
Where they, it's like the Like they press the button.
Like a butterfly knife?
Butter, not, they press the button and it pops out. And they, and they press it to the neck and they're like, "Oi, you got a tiny, tiny." Like one of those?
Yeah, I don't know. And if you don't start that timer, I will come over there and I will kick you in half.
Kick it in half is crazy.
What kind of knife did you use?
Uh, whatever was in my kitchen.
So.
Not a butter knife, like a ni- like a knife.
Like a, like a serrated knife?
A knife that I've used to cut food with.
So, if anyone has a hat that is, this is old.
It was a clean hat, I mean it was a clean knife.
It was ex- this is extra Joe, that's what the X stood for.
Extra Joe, on top of the other parts of Joe that they got.
Alright, this is more Joe.
There were people that probably were hoping that extra Joe meant something else.
Triple X Joe.
XXXX.
XXX extra Joe. No.
What realistically, have you ever even thought about doing like any form of like?
Porn? No.
I wasn't gonna say porn, but just like showing your balls, showing your...
Porn.
Is that porn? I think porn is the act of sexing.
No.
Like the sex.
What's Playboy?
Is Playboy porn?
Showing your boobs on, on magazine.
What is the definition of pornography? Is it just naked?
I can't Google porn. Pornography sounds like magazines. Porn sounds like, like digital stuff. Pornography is so like...
I think they're frogs and toads. I think that like you can have video stuff that is pornography and have pornography that's not video stuff. Like frogs and toads. Do you remember the, do you remember?
Frogs and toads? Yeah, it's been beaten to my head, so I remember it.
Can you just look, just Google the definition of pornography? Who's gonna get in trouble? Who's gonna get in trouble here? You think HR is coming through and they're gonna fucking save us?
It honestly is weird.
What is the definition of pornography?
That says photography. It does.
It is kinda weird that like porn is, has the same... It's like, you know how geography has graffiti?
Well, yeah, graffiti is, I think it's just the study of it. So this is the study of porn.
Is it the study?
Printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs.
Alright, so.
So, Titty's is porn.
So, technically, Fifty Shades of Grey is porn.
I, uh, yeet. Like a softcore porn? Well, no.
I mean, who cares about the core? It's just porn.
I mean, the core matters.
And we have, we have, by the way.
Yep.
Been so quickly been demonetized.
Yeah, you know, it's over with. Um, but I think, uh, did I, yo, did I ever tell you? I may have told you, but I found a, a Playgirl in my neighbor's house. And it was just like dudes in jeans with their dicks out. And I was like, what?
What?
Swear to god.
Bro, you know, you remember the wrestler Shawn Michaels?
He was in Playgirl. Before.
He probably had his thing out.
Before, you know.
Before what? What was that?
Before the eyes went their own separate ways, you know? Before his eyes got divorced.
Yeah, they came, they, one of them got off the leash.
So technically, like, fanfic is porn?
I don't think words is porn.
It just said printed!
Printed could be magazines.
Go back to that. It says, "Printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display..." Description!
Yeah, I guess maybe, yeah.
So this is, if I were to just like describe.
Like, oh, yeah, I'm do, I'm got my thumb in here.
If I were to describe your penis, that would be, that would be porn.
Right.
You know, that'd be crazy. Two inches.
Don't.
Bare?
Don't, you, don't, don't do that. Barely what?
Oh, what should we say for you? "Oh, just so big and hairy" or whatever.
He said it, not me, you know?
You got a big hairy dick?
You gotta get off of this topic.
This is crazy.
We gotta get off of this topic.
This is absolutely crazy that we got here.
You can't do it.
But yeah, extra Joe, X X X extra.
XXX. Yo, by the way, I just, I knew I wanted to talk about this with you because it was big on social media. I watched one video and then every single video was this, but the story about that angler fish, just like getting to the surface and dying and shit.
Dude, these things are fucking terr- what was the first movie that, uh, Finding Nemo, remember that shit?
Finding Nemo, of course.
Yeah, that's where they first saw an angler fish. You think I saw him before Finding Nemo?
I didn't know those fish were real. And then even seeing the videos of this thing, why does it have a mouth like that?
It not only has a ma- like the, bro. Severe underbite. If you, yeah. Insane. If you had asked me at the age of nine years old to draw a scary fish, like this is, like, and this is not even a joke, like, that is what I would have drawn.
A million teeth.
Just the sharpest teeth that are coming out of nowhere.
And it's got a light bulb in its head.
Well, that's because it needs to see where it's going. But how much does that work down there?
Frank, that's not what it's.
What is it for?
It's to attract other fish so they can kill them. Yo, those are such hideous animals, dude.
It's crazy that an animal like this exists on our planet and we're just like, cool. Like, why don't, why haven't we nuked the oceans yet to get rid of these fuckers?
Um, that wouldn't be good for us.
Nuking the oceans?
No. Yeah, I mean, you want to pollute the ocean with nuke?
I mean, if, if we could, alright, hear me out.
I'm hearing.
I know Jay Robert Oppenheimer's family watches this show.
Do ya?
That's the first I'm hearing.
If they could figure out a way to just target an animal like this one.
And then like, release a bomb that only takes out these.
Got it.
We could add ticks in there, too.
We don't even know how many there are. I don't even know if we know that, but I assume we do.
How many angler fish could there be?
Apparently this was the first one that they.
Have seen like near the surface.
These big little fuckers. I hate them.
I saw a video of a girl like crying about this.
Why is she crying? She's upset?
She was upset because it was like, there was like, they, of course, romanticized this story and made it so like, you know, this anglerfish, they use that light on their head to attract other fish. And then I, I was reading these comments. I'm not kidding, bro. I got a little choked up.
Really?
Like it kind of like fucked me up a little bit.
Wait, how does this thing just produce light?
That I'm not even gonna even.
Because them and lightning bugs. This is all, wait. How do they do that? Bro, lightning bugs have lighting up their ass.
Yo, they, they literally have light bulbs in their asshole.
And they're like, uh.
They're like, come find me, they're like.
Oh, take a look at this.
Look at that, what do you think about?
Bro, and you ever kill a lightning bug and go like that?
Yeah, you're.
Wait, hold on.
There's problems there. There's problems.
No, I feel bad, but I've killed one. It, I was on purpose. But I, I like killed one and, but it's like the light, like, it's like, it spreads.
It's like a fucking, it's like, it's like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a.
A glow stick.
Glow stick?
It's like that.
What the hell is this shit?
They have a glow stick shoved in their ass.
Do you remember glow stick parties in college? Where people would break them and like put them all over their face and shirts and shit like that and they would dance and it'd be like, this looks, but they knew what they were doing.
You're gonna skip over that?
Your little fucking glow stick parties there?
I mean, I was.
Also, putting glow stick on your body is probably bad for you. I don't know, what the fuck is in there?
What is glow stick?
It's, it's like neon, what is glow stick?
What neon shit? Why does it get activated when I crack it? I imagine because it's like a bag of, like an ice pack, like there's like chemicals and water and then when you mix them together, it makes it. So the plastic tube is filled with a chemical mixture including dip.
Dip, diphenol?
Diphenol oxalate or a similar oxalate ester.
Oh, okay, so it's similar to oxalate ester, that's now I.
To ester.
Gotcha.
Yeah. Oh, so a separate glass vial inside the tube holds hydrogen peroxide.
Nothing was cool, bro, and also, why the fuck did we put them in the freezer after? And they were like, if you want them to last longer, put them in the freezer.
When am I gonna use a glow stick again?
I mean, glow sticks were pretty cool. Now you can find them anywhere, but like, back in the day, you could only find them at like, dances, school dances, and like, 4th of July firework parties. You know, I'm sure they were everywhere, but like, my family protected me from them enough in order to feel joy when I saw them.
I feel like I've only been around glow sticks around your family.
Probably, honestly. I mean, I used to like making the ones that like-
Pretty cool, pretty cool family.
I'm a glow stick family.
Oh my god, do you remember at like, Remy? The like, guidos? That would get the glow sticks and put them in their hands, and they would frolic?
You know, you brought this up not too long ago?
I know.
It's so seared into your brain.
Bro, because, because they would be like, you know, like, the most like, hyper masculine, like, oh, I'm sorry, you like to fucking wax your eyebrows, gay, like, they were so like, hyper toxic masculine? And like, then they would put glow stick in their fingers, wearing skin tight Puma tracksuits.
And then they just-
And they would fucking-
And like, dance with their boys.
Be honest, have you ever done it in front of the mirror and tried to be good at it?
Have you ever tried to learn a dance?
Oh yeah, I've told, I've, I've, I've, have I not told you this story?
Which dance?
So, as you know, for those of you, you know, that don't know this. I-
You might know this story, but there might be people, you know, every show, you, Joey-
I get it.
Every show, there might be a first time listener.
We don't know.
Well, that's why we need to pretend as if this is their first time listening.
But what, but which, which dance, you may have told this story.
So, I gate-keeped.
Gate-keeped?
Kept. Gate-kept, gate-kept, dancing.
From who?
When I was in middle school.
Oh, yes, you did tell me this.
So, what I did is, when I was in middle school, so for those of you guys that don't know, I went to a different school for sixth grade and then a different school for seventh grade. And when I got to seventh grade, I told people like, "I don't dance anymore."
Yeah, that you're retired.
I retired from dancing.
Cause you're so good.
Cause I was so good at dancing, dude. That included grinding.
Oh, you didn't, you didn't ground?
It took, I took a while, but, but the real story...
You went on a grinding hiatus.
I, the real...
You're like, "Yo chill, chill, chill, I just ground so much."
My shit is like mashed potatoes right now.
Yeah, like sixth grade was wild, I'm off the grinding.
But the real, the truth was that like, I, I had done it a few times before, but I, I looked stupid doing it.
You thought, yeah.
I, I didn't wanna keep doing it.
You were scared, cause you were like, "Oh, I'm not good at this."
I was scared, cause I was like, "What if this is not a good ground?", you know?
What if it's not, you're not good at grinding?
Not if I'm not a good grinder.
Exactly.
So then, I gate kept it. I told all the girls, like, "I don't dance." And...
It made them wanna dance with you.
Supply and demand. Economics 101. If I remove the supply of me grinding,
The demand for my grinding abilities was through the roof.
So, so people were just desperate to grind on you?
I, I wouldn't say desperate, but they were clamoring.
Okay.
You know?
There was a clamor out there for grinding on me.
And I really put it out there, like, I was a world renowned grinder, you know?
Obviously.
If you saw me in seventh grade,
Would you not think, like, "This is someone that knows how to dance"?
I would think that. Yeah, and I would think, "Why is he wearing four shirts and they're all double XL?"
I think the most I wore at a point is three.
It's a lot. That's too, too many.
It's a lot.
The most I wore was three.
And the biggest shirt I had was a 5XL.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
You had a 5XL t-shirt?
Was it covering your shoes?
It was quite big.
It must have been.
I didn't even know, I don't know if I've ever seen a 5XL.
I've seen up to 7. I've seen a 7XL.
7XL?
That's a lot of shirts.
So as I gate kept grinding.
Uh, I knew that I had to re-enter the market.
The grinding market.
Market re-integration.
So who was your first one back?
Economics 102, you know?
I mean, that's-
I don't think that's how that works. I think it's 201.
I don't, yeah, I don't know.
You don't know because of college.
And you probably should know because you were a business major, weren't you?
I took all these classes you're talking about.
Okay, so you know, understand that market re-integration for grinding.
The supply chain, yeah.
You remove the supply of grinding in market, marketing, economics 101. Re-integration into the market.
Naturally.
Who was your first grind?
I'm not gonna say their name.
Do I know them?
Uh, you might have met them, but like they were from my school.
Uh, but in order to properly re-enter the market, there was a whole business plan behind it. I needed to make sure as I re-entered the grinding market, I didn't go in-
Looking as a novice.
You needed a good product.
I needed a good product.
So you, wait, hold on. So you were in your mirror?
Like getting ground on?
So I started the re-integration process joking around, saying like, I'll, I'll go and I'll like dance behind people like that. Just to like joke, like, what is he?
You were testing the market.
That's what it is.
Dipping my toe into the market.
Right, that's your finger, but we, yeah.
Yeah, I can't show my toes, people will-
Yeah, yeah.
You know, they'll run away with that one.
Triplex Joe.
So, in order to make sure that I didn't look like an idiot, because that was of paramount importance to me.
Of course.
You know, I would dance like that in the mirror. And I did it once and I said-
Wait, you would like, you would be like, "Oh, I'm getting grinded on you."
I was, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh," like that in the mirror.
Wait, if someone's grinding on you, you're doing that?
Well, that's, that's how I started the reintegration into the market.
Right, no, I'm talking about-
You know, the reintroduction of the grinding market.
Making sure I, I moved into a place of comfort and confidence, you know.
This is market testing 101, Joey. Economics 301. Now we're in economics 301. You're getting, this is more college experience you've ever had in your life.
Yeah, yeah, it is. Um, I am trying to picture this, but so that first time that you came back, you unretired?
I unretired-
Like Jay-Z.
I, I, I probably had, you know, put feelers out into the market to understand what, what the demand was.
And said something along the lines of like-
Where was this first grind?
It was at a school dance or a bar mitzvah. It's very difficult to tell the difference between the two.
That, I feel like, should be easy.
I went to a lot of bar and bat mitzvahs growing up.
So, chances are it was at one of those. But like, I, I said, I was just like-
What made you like, be like, "Yo, this is the moment. I'm coming back."
A, a girl.
But did, but did the, but did everyone be like, "Oh, he's doing it."
"Stop it."
There was a crowd of people being like, "Frankie's grinding, look at it, look at, I can't believe he retired this, look how good he is."
Economics, my friends. Economics.
Understanding the market.
And you just pulled up your 5XL shirt and you were like?
I mean, no, the 5, I was probably, if I was at one of those, uh, bar bat mitzvahs, wearing a shirt and, shirt and tie or something like that.
And like a disposable yarmulke. You, you had a bunch of those.
I have, yeah. They weren't disposable. I have, I, I only have one left. It's a real yarmulke. Um...
I didn't know if they just gave you like, "Yeah, we'll give them one."
Oh, yeah. I mean, maybe, I'm not sure.
Don't they, they have clips, no?
Some of them. Mine doesn't have a clip.
That's why, that's why I said-
I mean, it's, it's like a very like-
Disposable is probably not what I want to see, say.
It's like a good quality, like, it's like felt.
Okay. Does it say like, "Fucking Jonah's 16th birthday" or something?
I don't know if it, I don't think it does, but I'll check.
Yakub's bar mitzvah, who's the bar in the bat?
I, I don't remember, forgive me.
Yeah, we don't know.
Our friends.
Have you bought mitzvahed, Bard?
Never.
Yeah, me neither.
I, I've been probably to more bar and bar mitzvahs than I have sweet sixteens.
I only went to two.
And weddings.
Okay, that's bananas.
Bro, cuz I went to that, that camp on Long Island that was all
Oh, yeah.
Jewish kids too. And I went to a ton there.
Wait, you were fifteen back then? I thought you were way younger than that.
No, I was younger. Bar and bar mitzvahs are like twelve and thirteen.
Oh, I thought it was like sixteen. I thought it was like a sweet sixteen.
No, no, no, it's, it's younger.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Bar and bar mitzvahs and then quinceañeras is fifteen.
Well, that I know.
Sweet sixteens is sixteen.
I've never been to a quinceañera.
Neither have I.
Frank Alvarez, Francisco Alvarez, you've never been to a quinceañera?
You think just because I'm a Hispanic man, that means that I just go to quinceañeras?
Yes.
Yeah, that would make sense logically.
It would, you would have family that has fucking
No, no, no, I, I, I can't remember ever going to a quinceañera.
Bro, do you remember the Sweet Sixteen show growing up?
My Super Sweet Sixteen?
Oh, my god, and these girls would be like, fuck the fuck, like their dad got them a Range Rover.
They'd be like, I'll tell you right now, if fucking the Ying Yang Twins are not at my Sweet Sixteen, you're fucking dead, dad.
Yeah, it would be like that, like legitimately. Oh, my god.
Looking back on them, it was like, some of them where they were just like, Diddy better be here, and it's like, whoa, dude.
Uh-oh. Yeah, if all that porn talked into it, that did it. Uh, there we go, D, mona, um, but I remember on that show, there was like a girl who was like upset cuz her dad got her like a Range Rover and it wasn't white. So she was like, what the fuck?
Can you look up craziest moments on my Super Sweet Sixteen? I remember they had all those shows back then, there was like
We think we're just gonna sit here and watch a video compilation?
I don't know.
That's not gonna happen, Frank.
No, I don't tell you like something and uh, like it'll be like, what happened, this is what happened. Um, I'm just saying like, the Lexus, uh, extravagant, over the top.
You're just reading the description of the show.
Without the videos, you're not gonna know what any of these mean.
It's fine, we can make assumptions.
Do you remember? Off, completely derailed this episode.
Go ahead.
Do you remember my ex-girlfriend's sweet 16 that I got uninvited from at the end?
Wait, you were already there and you got uninvited?
Nah, alright. Can you remember, have you been to sweet 16s?
How many?
Like, two.
And you're going to one next week, right?
Absolutely not. I went to, oh wait!
You went to one last week!
I did.
Why?
A cousin.
It was his family member. Still funny. Um, but, the thing that they do, did they do it at yours? Do they still do it? It's like the candle per, like, this candle is for...
Did you get a candle? I did not.
Fucking loser!
What a fucking loser!
Fuck you!
Did you get a sweet 16 candle?
And his own family, his own flesh and blood, they don't give you a fucking candle.
That's crazy.
Crazy. Have you ever gotten a candle at a sweet 16?
I have gotten a candle.
Whose?
My sister's. Which one? Which candle? It was very far down the line.
Damn! That's crazy, bananas.
I don't know if it's good to be first or last.
Have you gotten a candle at a sweet 16?
I did not.
I've gotten two that I can remember.
It's like, this is for the boy.
Yeah, like, this first candle is for my mom and dad. Mom, dad, you're like, so important to me, I wouldn't be here without you.
Like, yeah.
I'm becoming a woman.
You're 16. Gross. Let's make that very clear. What sweet 16s and quinceañeras?
And bar mitzvahs, now it's like, you're becoming a man, 13 years old.
But I think bar mitzvahs have a religious meaning, so I don't want to touch that. I don't want to make fun of that one, but like, the sweet 16s were just like, now you're a woman, it's like, no.
No, she isn't.
That is gross. Pretty gross.
Why is she in cheetah print?
Everyone was in cheetah print at sweet 16s.
No, but my, my, my, a girl that you know, and I, we were dating, and it was like...
You were dating at this thing?
So we were on and off again.
Leading up to her sweet 16, and, uh, she told me, she was like, you're getting a candle, and I was just like...
You found out at the thing?
No, before.
I was like, really? She's like, yeah, you're getting a candle. I was like, alright, and then, you know, like, I found out, like, a bunch of shit went down between her and I didn't end up going.
To the sweet 16?
To the sweet 16. A bunch of our friends did, and she had...
Obviously not giving me a candle.
But she said you?
No, but someone made like a slideshow of pictures, you know, like over like fucking, you remember all, well it was 2008. People did the, the lowest lift for like, it was like a slideshow of pictures and like Windows Media Player.
Played in the background and it was like Vitamin C.
You know, like, "We'll be bad friends, oh forever", you know?
And anytime a picture of me and her popped up, the whole place booed.
Shut the fuck up.
I wasn't there though, but a bunch of our friends told us like, yo, like, every time a picture of you popped up.
It's amazing, I wasn't there.
I know, you didn't go.
Oh, I would have booed so hard.
It's hilarious.
If you would have booed me, that would have been grounds for fighting. I would have listened to whatever, like, rap I was listening to that week and I would have fought you that week.
Stunt 101?
Yeah, I would have fucking, yo, that's it.
You know what, honestly, I smell pussy, Joe. Damn, they started booing you?
They started booing me, so...
That's awesome.
Who am I?
Wait, did you not go or she was like, "Don't fucking come"?
No, I said like, "I'm not going."
Oh, okay.
You know.
Did you guys date after that whole thing?
On and off again, on and off.
Even after the booing?
But like, it was all, it was all-
The public shaming?
It was all, so, you know me.
You know me.
I do. Yeah?
I called her, and I was just like, "Hey, uh, heard about the Sweet 16. Thanks for making it more about me than about you." Click.
You scum.
You didn't say that.
Did I?
What day did you call, the day after?
I remember what day, it was after though.
Knowing you, you didn't let it breathe.
And let me, let me let you know something.
A lot of IMs?
Boy, oh boy, was I in trouble.
She didn't like that.
Oh, no, she didn't.
But you guys were still together eventually after that?
Not like together, but like, you know, just like as-
Like, young teenagers, it's like, "We're gonna work it out."
You said, "Thanks for making that more about me than you."
Bang! Bang, bang, or more like this, more like, "Pik!"
Oh, and it felt good.
Wow.
What are you gonna do? Just take your battery out of your phone at that point, just lay it down?
And I remember when I would do that, I would watch it ring.
Yeah, you're a sicko, I think.
I was a sicko! I'm no longer-
It's either laughing or fucking having a-
A stroke.
Yeah, a fucking mesothelioma attack.
A who- oh, meso- uh, who-
Mesothelioma.
Right. What's Mesopotamia?
That was a place.
Right, but what is that?
That was like an ancient place.
Like Atlantis?
I think it was where like Iraq and Turkey, that area was.
Oh, I thought this was like a fairy tale place.
No, I believe Mesopotamia was a real place, so...
I believe so. Can you look up?
Atlantis wasn't real, right?
Atl- no, a lot of people believe it was real too. Can you look up, where was Mesopotamia?
If you're right, I'm gonna be so... I'm gonna have so much respect.
Uh, located in the Fertile Crescent, area between Tyrrhys and the Euphrates- Yeah, Iran, Syria, Turkey. I was right. That's why a lot of people, like the ancient city of Troy, because the only like talks about it were in like ancient,
uh, like texts and a lot of people thought they were myths, but a lot of people believe that Troy was Turkey. So like the whole like they're coming with a horse. Let me be very clear about something. If I'm at war with a country and they just drop a horse off at my front gates.
As a gift? What?
How stupid do you think I am?
Also, what am I gonna do with this giant horse?
Yeah, and also.
I don't want this.
Like it was a big wooden, and you wouldn't hear the people in it, like.
I mean, maybe you wouldn't, but like also, what am I gonna do with the horse?
I would, honestly, I would be like, you know what, fuck this thing, set it on fire.
I would have burnt it and sent it back.
This guy's looking up Trojan horses.
Trojan horse diagram? Yeah, how big was this horse?
Bro, I don't give a fuck how big it was.
Yo, can I say this?
If I'm at war with a country and they're like, yo, here's a big wooden horse, I know something's up.
It's hollowed out and not filled with Trojan men.
Well, the Trojan army
was like the Greek army, wasn't it?
Yo, honestly, this was, this is genius. Whoever did that, whoever was the guy who made that call, what a good call.
What a stupid call, whoever was the one that it was like, you know what? You know, this looks pretty cool.
Bro.
Bring the giant horse in.
I'm telling you, if a package shows up at my house and I don't know what it is, I'm terrified. You think of a fucking giant wooden horse shows up at the gates? I'm gonna be like, yeah? Get the fuck out of here!
I get a phone call from a number I don't have saved and I'm like, no way I'm picking that up. I'm not wheeling in a giant horse.
Zero, less than zero percent of a chance am I fucking accepting that.
Who wheeled it up to the gate? Idiots!
Well, no, I guess the people that did it were smart.
So the Trojans got there and they're like, yeah, we just wanna get you something nice, you know, some wooden, a wooden horse.
What does it say here? Greek mythol- yeah, see, it was mythology. Trojan horse was a wooden-
Why do you say horse like that?
Horse.
Horse?
Said to have been used by the Greeks during the Trojan War to enter the city of Troy and win. Time out.
Wait. The Trojan Horse wasn't a real thing?
No, that's what I just said, that the, all the mentions of the Trojan War were in like the Odyssey, you know, like...
Wait, wait.
You didn't know that?
This isn't real?
There is some evidence to suggest that it was, but like...
Mythology, I think of Zeus throwing lightning, which didn't happen.
Well, as far as you know.
Come on!
But, no, so like, the, the, um, the, uh, what's it called? The Iliad and the Odyssey. That's what is like the story of the Trojan War.
Bro, uh, this is baffling.
And, and, a lot of people believe, like, they're like, "Oh, maybe it was fake", but then there's like, "Oh wait, maybe it wasn't fake."
Answers to I think, "Was the Trojan Horse real?"
Oh, it was not real? Google says no! It might have been though.
Bro!
It might have been though. That's what we don't know!
Do you also think that Hercules can pick up the sun?
Let me ask you a question.
Relax, Peter Pan, it didn't happen!
First of all, Hercules wasn't picking up the sun.
Whatever the fuck happened.
Second of all, you're talking about Apollo holding the, or world on his back.
His name was Atlas, dumbass.
That's him! Damn it! Damn it!
And Medusa, snakes for hair? I don't think so, Medusa!
Fuck that shit. You look at me, you turned me to stone when you look at me?
That's like you can look through a mirror? What was that bullshit?
Yeah, that was, who was that guy that did that? The ancient Greek, like mythological, what was his name?
Stavros, probably, dude.
Stavros, eh, Yanis, Yanis Stavros and Irgos.
Dimitri.
Dimitri Irgos Stavros Stamatis.
Who killed... Perseus, I knew that, fuck!
Perseus?
That fucking, what's his name? From Troy. Brad Pitt, isn't it?
Brad Pitt, bro, that's not his, is it?
Oh no, he's Achilles, he's Achilles!
You told me Brad Pitt's not real!
He's Achilles, he's Achilles!
Yeah, he's Achilles!
Because of the Achilles heel. But the other guy was Perseus. The other guy was Perseus.
Perseus was the bitch.
Perseus was the other dude.
The other dude who was like a bitch.
Who is that?
Who?
Briceus?
Nope, that's not right.
Briceus? Rose Byrne was Perseus? No?
I don't know, dude.
That's Briceus!
Yeah, was there just no Perseus in Troy?
Uh, probably not. Just go to the IMDb, look up the movie Troy.
I mean, the cast is right there.
No, it isn't.
Well, whatever.
Amy Louie Wilson?
Hold on, while you're looking that up, we do have some sponsors for today.
Good call, good call.
Uh, the first one, how you doing? We have, and I don't have it up, how's it going, everyone? I'm just-
I can talk, I can talk. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. Achilles is Matt Pitt. Paris is Orlando Bloom.
Whoa, there it is!
Agamemnon!
There's no Percy.
We called the kid Agamemnon, grown up, remember that?
We is crazy.
No, we, stop, stop doing this thing! It was you and Danny and it wasn't me! Read the ad, I'm gonna pee, read the ad, and then I'm gonna yell at you for that.
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Yeah. What you can also do is go to Patreon.com/theBasementYard. You want to hang with us? You want to play with us? You want more XXXX Extra Joe?
Well, maybe you'll get it at Patreon.com/theBasementYard. Thank you guys for all your continued support, whether you're a patron or not. But, listen, we want to give you guys a little more extra bit of us. So, go to Patreon.com/theBasementYard. You join, you sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance, you get that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. Monday, Friday, you start and end your week with The Basement Yard. It sounds like a no-brainer to me. Thank you guys for all the love and all the support and continued growth. We want to keep going, pushing, in order to be the best versions of ourselves that we could be on Patreon, on everywhere. So, go check it out. Patreon.com/theBasementYard. And folks, we obviously
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What'd I do?
You called him Agamemnon too.
I called that kid Agamemnon.
You called him Agamemnon and you do this where you're just like, "You did the thing." No, you did it too, you little bitch.
I don't even know who we're talking about.
It was that kid that told Dennis that he had a wide back at the gym.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Crazy thing to say.
I will say that this all, Danny started that.
He called him Agamemnon first, probably, but like, we were all there when he told him he had a wide back.
I did hear that and I was like, "That's a crazy way to describe somebody."
That's a crazy way to describe anyone. Uh, but, yeah, it's, I didn't know, like, I knew that the Trojan War was from like mythology, but I didn't know it was just like...
I did not know that. I thought that was like a real, well documented thing.
I mean, it, so, there are documents and like murals of it and shit like that, like...
Yeah, but we're talking about mythology now.
I mean...
Myth.
Technically, every war is mythologized.
Did you just make a word up?
Mythologized, that's a real word.
Is it?
Yeah, of course it is.
That's shocking.
But, I mean, that's not true at all, by the way. Yeah, technically all things are mythologized in one way or another. Why? Because at the time, they just thought that there was a big guy shooting lightning bolts with a big white beard, that it was more fake than stuff now?
That's right.
That's exactly it.
Yeah, see, mythologize is a word.
Yeah, make the subject admit, yeah, like...
Like what you did with your grinding.
I mean, that's right, I did mythologize my grinding and it worked.
It did work.
Um, also, I, I just watched, uh, this movie the other day, so we're gonna definitely get into it. Uh, The Substance, did you watch that movie?
Yes, Beck and I watched about three quarters of it and then we turned it off.
Wait, hold on. By the way, I, there's going to be spoilers, so if you're like, "What the..." I'm gonna talk about the movie, like, you can skip ahead.
So, it's a, it came out last year, big Oscars push for it.
Massive.
Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, both in the conversation.
Demi!
Is it Demi?
I believe it's Demi Moore.
It's Demi, I think. Isn't it Demi?
Oh, I always heard it Demi.
Demi Moore?
Honestly, that's where I heard it.
Demi?
Can you look up the proper pronunciation?
Is it Demi? It might be Demi Moore, I have no idea.
Demi or De- dummy?
Uh, De- like...
What is it?
I think it's De-
Dummy, yeah.
Dummy. Wow, he's right, yeah.
Wow, look at me!
That, wow, it's-
I'm right, you're the dummy. Um...
I'm right!
That's all for this week's episode.
But, for those of you guys that don't know, I know Joe's gonna spoil it. I gotta, I'll give some background. Basically-
I really wanna know where you stopped watching.
Quitting before the end is bananas.
Yeah, I, Becca, Becca was tired and she's like, "I'm gonna fall asleep", and I was like, "Do you even wanna keep watching this?", and she's like, "Not really", and I was just like, "It's just a little much for me", uh, but, Demi Moore's character is like Elizabeth Sparkle?
Mm-hmm.
And she is like an aging actress in Hollywood, and in order to, I guess, re-enter the spotlight, she takes this substance that things happen. And I don't, you know, like-
I mean, I'm perfectly fine with saying with what happened. I'm not gonna give you like, details of everything, but, here's a detail.
It's a fucking shot that you have to give yourself, and then your back splits open.
And a person crawls out of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And-
I mean-
These pictures are crazy.
Yeah, I, I mean, it's, it's, a lot of people said that they couldn't watch it because of like, the gore and, but I think a big part of why they couldn't watch it was like, the whole needles of it all. Like, there's a lot of needles-
Frank, I'm telling you right now, the worst part about this movie, for me, it wasn't the needle per se, it is the giant-
Puss pimple on this woman's spine.
It gets progressively worse throughout the entire movie and there's a needle like this big that goes in it. And I'm like, I cannot watch, if they go back to this pimple again, I just, I can't.
Hmm, you gotta be, see, the movie, so here's the thing, why I stopped watching it.
Where did you stop watching it?
I don't remember honestly what part I stopped watching it at.
Did you see that?
I don't remember.
Why did you have to do that?
Back up, this kid's Googling pimples. Did you see that over there?
I don't think I saw that over there.
Well, they, you know, that's the me.
That, I know who that is, I, I know.
Why did I go Christopher Walken there?
I know!
It's the me.
More.
Or less. By the way, Astoria's finest.
Um.
You like that fucking impression?
I ate at his deli, by the way.
You ate at his deli?
Christopher Walken?
Yeah, he had a deli, the Walken Delery, uh, Del- Delery, the Walken Deli on like 30th and...
Was he in there?
I don't think he was there when I went.
Was it like hi- him or like his family?
His family's deli.
His family owns a deli, I didn't know that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was, it was 2009 when I went, so forgive me, but, um...
There you go.
So much.
The messaging is not subtle.
Yeah, I get the messaging.
I, like, that's the thing, I think people when, cause I'm not saying I disliked the movie, I just felt like it was just a little too cartoony for me. Like, it freaked me out, but I get that's the point of it. I also get that I'm not the fucking audience for it, like, it's, it's, the messaging is very clearly, you know, around what Hollywood and entertainment forces women to have to do in order to be relevant.
But, it was like, the way it was shot, and like the close-ups on some people, like, there's one scene in particular where like Dennis Quaid's character has like a bunch of people around him and he's like talking in the camera, and it was just like, "Yeah, back up", you know what I mean?
But, I'm sure that guy exists by the thousands in Hollywood. Well, I'm sure that the real version of him is way worse than that movie version.
That guy was such a piece of shit.
He was such a dumpster bug.
Um, one of the worst parts of that movie for me was in the beginning when he's like at a meeting and he's just eating shrimp.
And he just, he was just like dipping it and like, it was like, this is fucking gross.
And again, I get it, I get it, it was just like...
Do you think, honestly, because this movie's getting a lot of Oscar buzz.
Do you see why? Because I think that
the most grounded part of it was Demi Moore's character and like, I could see why she deserved the Oscar.
I thought she was phenomenal in it.
Yeah, Best Picture it's nominated for, Best Actress in a Leading Role.
It won the Pom de Or last year at Cannes. Which is like their best movie.
It's, yeah, for the top three essentially, right? Best Picture, Best Actress.
Yeah, and she won Best Actress.
She was amazing. And bro, by the way, she's fucking sixty-two years old and looks insanely good.
And she's just naked the whole time.
I, well, I think I, so anytime I watch a movie, I go on IMDb and I read the trivia. Might not be real, but I think I read that that her and the other actress in the movie used body doubles.
Oh, well, yeah, I'm sure they did.
Um, but, I, you know, I'm not, I'm not gonna sit here and-
Bro, insane. Like, it was a crazy movie. But again, spoiler alert. Here's your spoiler. You wanna know how it ends?
I think I kinda know. She turns into like a big like goopy doopy monster, right?
That's a good way of putting it. Have you seen the movie?
No. Ant's going home and watching this tonight.
If you, so when you do the substance, like you put the substance in your body, this other like hotter, younger version of you like pops out.
Literally crawls out of your back.
Your back, and you're, and she had to get her back like-
Stitched.
Stitched. Which the fucking younger one did it in a bathroom.
And like, it's like a week. That like, you're the younger version, you're the other version, you're the younger version, you're the older version, and like, they just are like asleep in a bathroom for that week.
So, the, yeah, the younger one, they like hook you up to an IV so you like get fed. But like, the younger one starts booking gigs. And there's like, alright, I'm just gonna do an extra day. So like, takes a little bit more fluid, because you need like this fluid from your fucking spine or something. So takes a little more fluid. And then that makes the older character get really fucking old and like, her finger just gets old and crusty like a dragon's hand, right? And then, and then, so then that's what happens and she's like, what the fuck, my finger has a dragon foot. And then she's like, and then she's calling a number and the guy's like, you got, I don't know, you guys gotta figure it out. They were no help on the other end, by the way, the entire movie.
Oh, the shady people in the back alley that give her this thing only called the substance are no help? Shocker.
They're not helpful, bad customer service, but then, so then they start getting into a battle. And like, then the younger one is like, yo, fuck this, like, I need to have like weeks at a time. So it takes mad fluid. So when she's taking all that fluid, it ages the fuck out of Demi, uh, Demi Moore. And then when she finally gets awake, because she runs out of the spinal fluid, she finally becomes awake. And she looks in the mirror and it looks like an, it looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
And like, her no hair, all fucked up, blah, blah, blah. And she's just like, all fucked, right? And old and like hunch and then there's all this shit. Then the young one starts beating the shit out of her.
You're just really spoiling everything.
Yeah, I said, I said. Beating the fuck out of her, right? Disgusting beat up. And then fucking, uh, she, I don't, I don't even know if she's alive or dead, I can't remember. But then at one point, they wake up and they're, uh, swan. Like, there's like teeth and like a face on the shoulder. And then they put on a dress and they try to look nice for like a New Year's Eve show. And then she melts.
On her fame, on walk of fame.
She's just a face and a pool of blood and like muscle and then just, that's it.
Man.
Cinema. If anyone needs me to describe more movies, I'll be here, by the way.
We should do an episode where we get you hammered and ask you to just describe weird movies.
Bro, that movie was so weird. I was like, what am I watching? And then I was like, now, now, like, I get the messaging, the messaging is not lost on me. But the rest of it is like, how did this even get greenlit to do this?
Well, if I were to tell you that it was made by a French director, would you believe me?
Nothing about the movie stood out as French to me.
Man, pretty French if you ask me.
I don't know, I don't know what I'm saying.
I've never seen another French movie, so I have no idea.
And honestly, it might not even be a French director. I think it is though.
Yeah, I don't, it was just like... It was so, like, I don't know how, like, I've seen people talk about it and they're just like, "It's the best movie of last year," and it's like...
Seems like a bit of a stretch to me, personally.
I don't even know what movies...
You don't know the other movies that came, oh, you still haven't seen Wicked, which is bananas.
Well, was that, I guess that was last year.
Yeah, this was last year. There was, but like...
It was interesting. Eh, would you take the substance?
No? What would the younger version of you be? I know what mine would be.
What would it be?
Well, my older version would be me looking as I do now. My younger version would obviously be Zayn Malik.
Uh-huh.
Okay. Uh...
No?
We've never seen Frank and Zayn Malik in the same room, so it could be true.
That's all I'm gonna say, yeah.
Check his spine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, check my spine, you never know.
Ugh. Oh.
But then, nevermind.
A lot, I heard that a lot of people had to leave the theater because the needle stuff was like, really, really bad.
Needle stuff was pretty intense. It was the, it was the...
It was the everything else?
The pimple for me, though. It was the pimple for me.
I mean, like, oh my god! The pimple wasn't the worst part. It was the, the, I feel like the needles was the worst.
And, and Dennis Quaid.
Yeah, fuck him.
What? When did you turn it off?
I don't remember, but...
See, how does he turn it off before all of that? Because it, to his defense... It's like a thirty minute block where it's like, just all this shit is happening. I'm like, what, I don't even know what just happened.
Like I said, eh, eh, bro, watching TV with Becca is a coin flip because she's either all in, and then she'll literally, will literally be watching something, and I know just from the sound of her breathing, like... She's falling asleep. Because she'll just turn over to me and I'll just be like, "I'll turn it off now," in the middle of this fucking incredible episode.
Like a long breath, it's like, huh, and you're like, "Well, that's it."
I know, and like, I know, and she tried once.
She tried once, listen. She's a mom, a fucking stay-at-home mom. She has a very hard job and it's exhausting, I get that. She tried once and she was just like... Well, when we watch TV, I'm laying down, so my eyes are already closed. And I was like, "Nice try."
What does that have to do with a stay-at-home mom?
Well, she's exhausted at the end of each fucking day.
Oh, but she's trying to make it... It's like, you're not a Cabbage Patch Doll. You're like turning them sideways and their eyes closed.
That's funny. Ooh, you know what you should do? You could get her one of those, a pair of glasses that's like, you could just lay it like this, but it's like...
Oh, no, well, I mounted our TV on the wall now, so it's not like... It was previously sitting on our dresser.
Oh.
And I mounted it on the wall, so now it's higher up.
You were about to say, "You mounted it on the ceiling."
No, it'd be cool.
Can you imagine? That would be weird as hell.
I mean, why?
Oh, ow, I just looked directly in that light. There you go. We do have some more sponsors for today.
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You got saved by the ads, because I was ready to yell at you for something, but I don't remember what.
Hmm. You're doing your anime face.
No, don't do that, don't do that to me.
What, that's what you do, and you do this thing.
I was just like, I don't do, I stop, you know, these people probably think that I'm a monster.
Because I say you did an anime face?
No, because you just make up stuff about me on this episode.
Frank, you made up that you retired from grinding.
I made up that at the time.
You mythologized, was it?
Mythologized.
Genius.
Not genius.
I mean, it worked.
Business.
It was business frank. That's what we get. That's why business frank. That's, that's, that's economy 401, dude.
Now we're up to 401.
No, we're just like recognizing that at the time I was a young entrepreneur and.
With grinding.
I mean, today's grinding is tomorrow's bitcoin. You know what I'm saying? Like, these all, these all.
Do you have bitcoin?
No, no, no, no.
No bitcoin?
None whatever.
None whatsoever?
Okay, you have no crypto?
Because?
Uh.
Because you're just like, I'm not.
I just don't have any. I mean, do you?
Yeah, of course.
Yeah. I don't have like a.
You too?
I mean, you should definitely diversify a little bit.
Yeah, just. I mean, maybe I do. I just don't know. I'll probably have to ask my finance guy.
Uh, he, he's not gonna buy crypto for you.
No. I mean, I probably, I.
Those are personal purchases.
I'll be honest, I'm a little upset I didn't get into bitcoin when it launched at a dollar a coin.
That would have been so crazy.
I would have, every pet, if you had told me what it would have become, every penny.
Doesn't work like that, obviously.
I know. How many times have you ever thought about like that where it's just like, if you can go back and make any investments, what would you invest in?
I mean, obviously the big three, Apple, Google, Amazon, right?
When people are like, I would have invented blah, blah, blah. I'm like, bro.
I, I love when people bring that up because I can go back in time and show them an iPhone, but that's pointless. Because they'd just be like, this is still magic. This is nonsense.
Magic.
This is still nonsense.
I don't think I would go back that far.
When, like realistically, have you ever?
Within my timeline.
What, have you thought?
What am I saying?
Like you're low key?
Like, I wouldn't go back to like the twenties. Like, what am I doing here?
Would you ever, like, have you ever thought like, I would go back and invent this and be a billionaire?
No, the only thing that I think is like a smart thing to say is like, you can invest in stuff. So like, the day I heard about fucking like, Apple, Tesla, Google, Amazon, I'd be like,
We have this new company that's coming out, it's called Google.
You know what I would do? I would Google Jeff Bezos's address.
And just go make be buds with him?
And just like, walk by his garage all the time, be like, "Oh dude, I love the bookstore that you're making," or whatever the fuck. Like, "I would love to work here."
This is really dense and crazy, like the Amazon jungle, and see what happens, you know?
What do you, what was that?
I'd just like drop hints.
About Amaz-?
Amazon.
Oh, I would go while he was building it, in like the first few days. And be like, "You know what? I really love books, and I think like, we can sell these online."
You'd walk by like the garage in San Francisco where they came up with Apple?
That'd be a cool one.
Didn't they like buy computers from like IBM and then they just like created their own thing or something like that?
I dunno, possibly, but I know that like Apple was in big time, big time fat trouble at one point in time.
For what?
I think, not for like being bad people, maybe, I dunno.
Oh, documented.
Yeah, documented. But like, um, they like had no money, they like were almost bankrupt, and then Steve Jobs had to come back, cuz he like left the company. And I think that at that time he invested in Pixar of all people.
I mean, that was, I guess-
We got Toy Story because of Steve Jobs.
That's cool.
I love Pixar.
I-
Nothing gets me more hyped than that fucking lamp jumping on that eye, I fucking love it.
You know, and the, and it looks at the, you know what I'm talking about?
I know exactly what you're talking about.
There are some new Pixar hits that you haven't watched that you are flat out missing out on.
Really? Am I gonna cry?
Some of them might get you a little bit, but maybe not as much.
The Pixar movies, just that type of animation in general, like, could get me to cry. I watched the one, the first one with that old guy playing chess, that one would make me cry.
That was a, that was like before A Bug's Life.
Yeah, uh, yes, holy shit.
I'm very good at this.
Um, I'm very good at this, memory. Um, I watched that, and it's like he's playing himself, right?
No, I think-
Another spoiler.
I think-
No, he's like playing chess against himself.
You're spoiling a 25-year-old Pixar short. I'm pretty sure people are more okay with that.
It's a three-minute-
Than the movie that's up for Best Picture. This year.
Yeah. Um, I, yeah, I watched that and I was like, "God, that's so sad. Like, an old guy playing against a-"
I think it's like, he starts off, he thinks he's playing with someone and it shows you like someone else, but then as time goes on, you see, he's just playing by himself.
Makes me upset, dude.
What makes you more upset? Old people? Like, not like mad, but like, when like, like Up? Like, what makes you cry harder? Up or something like Toy Story?
Uh, I never cried in Toy Story. Oh, that's not true. I cried at Toy Story when he gave all the things away.
Three.
The toys away. I was like, "You fucking idiot."
Now you get it.
Now you get it, Joey.
Yeah, I mean, it's because there was a movie that I just watched. I gave away all my- I didn't give, I, I literally put them in the garbage and probably threw spaghetti on top of my toys.
Oh, no! Mine were ripped from my fucking hands by my mother.
I can picture you like, "No!"
No, no, no, no, no. She didn't do it like that, but we did like, one day they were just gone and like, not realize it, because we were just like, out playing football or something.
Dude, I honestly, now that I think about it, I can't remember like, how that, how they, how your toys go away.
I'm su-
That's such a weird thing to say.
I'm sure my mom donated them, knowing my mom.
Yeah, but like, I didn't even know. You know, like, I can't remember with my, like, thinking like, "Where are my toys?" And I'm being like, "Oh, I gave them away," or like, "I threw them out." Like, I don't remember that ever.
Yeah, I don't, until I asked. It was the day I saw Toy Story 3. I called my mom as soon as I walked out of the theater. I was like, "Hey, Frankie." What?
Look up the year Toy Story 3 came out, please.
2010.
Was it 2010?
Yes, and I'll tell you why this was such a pivotal moment. Don't look it up, because I know the answer! It was because I saw it right before I was getting ready to go to college.
Just like Andy.
Just that. So that's the story, that's why it hit so hard for me. Because Andy was getting ready to go to college and grow up, and he had to give his toys away.
And it hurt.
So you called your mom when you got out of the theater and you're like, "Where's my toys?" And she's like, "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Yeah. Basically, I was like, "Hey, wha- what happened?" "Ma, hey, just saw Toy Story-" Yeah, it was, it was cool.
What happened to my, like, where are my toys? Oh, they're long gone Frankie. What?
I wouldn't have even dignified it with a response. You're 18.
I was 17 at the time when it came out.
Um, still a child.
And you were just like, "Yo, where is Polly Pocket?"
He's giggling.
It's real funny over there, huh? Real fucking funny, Ant.
I loved Polly Pocket.
I loved Polly Pocket too, but I was more of a Mighty Max kid because if I was a young-
I don't even know what that is.
It was the boy-
Oh my god, Joey, Mighty Max!
It was a boy version?
It was the boy version of Polly Pocket because if I was seen as a young boy playing with Polly Pocket, people pointed at me, said "gay."
Well, I was playing with the Polly Pocket. I used to put the Polly Pocket in my pocket.
You put Polly Pocket in your pocket? The Polly Pocket inception?
I would put the Polly Pocket in my pocket and I would walk around with it. And then I would pop it open and I'd be like, "Look at this, there's a little world in here."
Do me a favor, you know this, look up Mighty Max Castle Doom. You know this shit, Ricardo had it and we'd go play with it at his house.
What the fuck is this?
Yeah, there it is!
No, you brought this up to me before. I never had this.
Oh, well, um- $230! Yeah, and that might not even be, is it complete, near complete? Uh, Joey, if you're looking for any birthday gifts for good old Frankie-
Your birthday is in 6 months. So...
It's in 5, but who's counting?
Oh, look at those sets. You do every year. Oh my god, have we ever brought-
Joey, alright, thank you for coming to Base Video Art, thank you for coming, um-
Frankie started this thing, and I don't know when, but he does it every single year.
I don't do it anymore.
His birthday is July 30th, and on the 1st of July, he would start a countdown. But the countdown would start, like, how would you do it? Like, 30, 30,000 it would be, or like, 3,000. And then it would be 2,900, 2,800, and then it would be up until his birthday. But it would be a countdown, so he would post like, on MySpace, or on Facebook, all his statuses. He would do a countdown every single day. But why would you put like, 2,900 when there was 29, well, 29 days left?
Um, so I'm pretty sure the first year I did it was 2008. And, um-
I love that you're pretty sure, we know. And then you did it every year after that.
Well, one of my favorite musical acts is Andre 3000. Andre 3K, you know.
So you were Frank K?
So my, my, my, my space name at the time, I changed it to Frank 3000. And it just so happened to be on June 30th, when there was exactly 30 days until my birthday.
Uh huh.
So then I was just like, wait a sec.
2900.
Frank with 2900 was the next day. And just to piss off Joey, to this day, I'll text him on random days before my birthday and he'll be like,
1800.
1300.
I'm like, I don't care.
That's so funny.
Yeah, it happens. Um.
He would count down his birthday, bro, like he's the queen.
That was bananas.
First of all, fuck you. Second of all, who the fuck are you?
How did I get first fucked?
I was fucking King, King Disney over here.
Yeah. What's your birthday?
January 16th.
Yeah, we said happy. We missed that.
No, we didn't. We said happy birthday to him.
I'm saying.
Yeah, we did. January 16th?
Here we go.
Don't make a joke.
I'm not.
What's your sign?
10 days after Joe's favorite holiday.
I knew you were gonna make a joke. It was a funny joke.
Capricorn.
Oh, the fact that you had that teed up, cause you know so much. It's a, it's seashells.
Sea goat?
Sea goat.
What's a sea goat?
It's a goat with a mermaid's tail.
Yeah, something like that.
More mythology.
That's what all that shit is.
What does it mean? What kind of guy are you?
It means like, you're gonna be horniest on this moon and like, you're fucking, you're, you're shy until you break out of your shell.
What are you, Leo?
That's cool. That's a cool man.
Yeah, what are you, something stupid like a?
You know what I am?
You know me. You know what I am.
Libra. Capricorn.
Frank.
Pisces. Yes. Okay.
Uh, what is Capricorn? What does it mean?
Just a cool guy.
Yeah. Wrong! Look it up. Wrong!
Let's find out what kinda guy you are.
What does Capricorn mean?
Cool guy.
Fucking dweeb! Sorry.
Term- oh, I thought you said termen. I was like, what's termen?
The Latin word for horned goat, or goat horn? This kid is horny!
I told you, this horny bastard over there is-
Oh, he's determined, disciplined, and ambitious.
I- I don't know about-
To drink as much twisted tea as possible?
He was just honest before. I pack a bag of bottles to bring to my hotel rooms. Disciplined. He's determined to fucking chase alcoholism.
Alright, what else do we got? What else do we got? I wanna see what else- what other they have here. We'll see what kinda guy you are.
You're getting into- Joey, you're getting into a workaholism. Just take- yeah, well-
Workahol-
Seriousness. Definitely not.
Nah, he's so serious.
I would say deter- I- I- I- from the amount that I've gotten to know you, I would say you're pretty determined.
Oh, there we go. It's turning around now.
Relentless, determined to overcome obstacles. Look at this.
Saturn is the ruling planet.
Go to Leo. Let's find out who Frank is.
This is- this- I- hold on, hold on. Before you look anything up, I've had people when they'll be like, "What's your sign?" I'm like, "Leo." They're like, "Oh, yeah."
"Oh, yeah."
Let's find out what a Leo is.
A consternation, a naming a police term.
Ooh, a police term.
I don't know what the hell that means. Born under the sign of the Leo said to be strong-
Law enforcement officer?
Okay. Strong, charismatic, and hot, and brave.
Frank, you're making things up, I think.
Confident. Yes. Passionate. You got it. Natural leaders.
What the-
Where are you reading this?
Look at this. Leos are known for being dedicated friends and lovers who put their hearts into every relationship. So true.
I- I- I- I.
Look at that Barack Obama, Madonna, Daniel Radcliffe, Laurence Fishburne, Jennifer Lopez, Helen Mirren.
Jennifer Lopez.
Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, Neil Armstrong, fiercely loyal. You're damn fucking right bitch.
Yeah dude.
I'll fucking, oh this all sounds like great stuff!
Leos are often described as having a regal air.
Damn right.
And a commanding roar.
Hell yeah!
Show us your roar.
That was insane dude!
Oh fuck!
What a commanding roar. I feel so commanded right now.
Do you feel commanded?
I'm so commanded.
No, if you want a real roar...
You want a real roar?
Yeah, give me a real roar.
Alright, hold on, hold on.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Well, don't make me laugh!
What am I doing?
You want a real roar? You can't roar either.
I'm just a little Pisces fish!
You are, you're a little fish, you're swimming like a little bitch.
Show me a roar.
Don't look up at me!
Okay, okay. Alright, no, I need to get in the moment.
Come on guys!
Find your inner lion.
I'm trying to find my inner lion so I can command this roar. Okay?
Yeah. Are we gonna roar directly into the mic?
I don't know. Is that a bad idea?
No, why not?
What the?
Can I try again? You're going to watch out of that.
One more!
One more.
You want more roar? I'll give you one more roar and that's it.
Alright, alright.
Send us off with one more good roar.
Oh no, we're getting going!
Yo, you... You were like this.
I need to...
What is this show? I don't know! What is it?
My head, my head hurts!
Oh shit! What are you doing, jacket?
Your face is wet with tears dude! Oh no! Why are you crawling? Freaky's crawling!
I am gonna watch that a thousand times dude!
Immediately pulling up that footage!
Oh fucking way! Oh shit!
Why did you, why did you do that?
Oh my god!
You're so easy to get!
Don't punch it! Oh fuck man, can you roar?
Can you roar? Come on!
Just call him up, let him know!
Oh god!
You're talking so serious!
Oh my god dude! I wish you could even see what I saw!
This is gonna, this is gonna, yeah.
Oh god.
Oh my god dude.
So stupid.
Well, I think that's it.
Thanks for coming and uh...
Oh lord.
He's just laughing.
He's gonna get him, he's to gag. It's crazy how easy you gag.
It's insane how easy it is to get you gagged.
Oh god. Yeah, hey thanks.
Thanks for...
Check out the Basement Yard everywhere. If you're coming to the Europe shows, go to thebasementyard.com/submit.
I have a laugh headache.
Yeah, and go uh, check us out everywhere, at the Basement Yard everywhere and uh, yeah.
And that is all, we'll see you guys next time.
Bye, bye.
Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated