The Basement Yard
Original podcast
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13,968 words · 4 speakers
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Welcome back to the
Welcome back to the basement yard Frank. Ooh, you look excited.
Yeah, you know why bitch.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
It's my big birthday episode.
It is my birthday tomorrow.
Well, not as of recording, not your birthday tomorrow.
No, no, no, but it is my birthday tomorrow.
But it's your birthday when this comes out.
When this comes out to the pub.
When it comes out to the pubbies.
I'll be 33 years old.
Goddamn.
It's divisible by 11, which means...
You'll be three 11-year-olds.
Isn't that weird?
Yeah, that's very strange to say, but I guess that's... Why? No, three 11-year-olds are all 11 dude. But like if you stack them on top of each other, like Muppet style.
Not how age works. You can't just add if they're standing on top of each other.
They're cumulatively... If you put the knowledge of three 11-year-olds together, that's pretty much where you're at.
It could be higher. I, uh, I, uh, I don't know. I don't know how I feel about being 33 years old.
This is our...
It feels old as shit.
You know what? Someone fucked with me though one time and they said like, "You turned 33, but you just completed your 33rd year." Like this is your 34th year.
Yeah, like now I'm 30... ew.
You gotta do like...
Now I'm 34?
Technically, yeah. That's crazy.
That's disgusting.
We also did get absolutely eviscerated by the student, like, newspaper people at Penn State that told us that we're basically 40 years old.
It's like these close to 40-year-olds.
They said these 40-year-old men can relate to 20-year-old girls.
I didn't like that.
And it was just like, that is, that hurts.
Yeah, that hurt me deeply. That cut me deep.
Now you're, you're, you're this much closer. You're this much closer to 40. How do you feel?
Not good dude.
Are you getting any of like the traditional? Cause the minute you turn 30, it's like you're 100. Are you getting like back pain and all that stuff?
No, I actually feel really good.
Your knee sucks?
I mean, I hurt my knees skiing. It doesn't suck.
Your knee sucks pretty bad.
My knee's fine.
Oh, you got, that's right. I was confused. You heard it sucking.
What the fuck are you laughing at?
It's my birthday, okay? This is horseshit.
Ah, it's good, it's all fun. Well, are we doing anything for your birthday, by the way? Are we just hanging out?
I mean, we're going to Vancouver.
Vancouver, that's right. We're gonna be out there for the Just For Last Comedy Festival.
Yeah.
By the time this comes out, some people might have already seen the... Been to the show, or...
You know, but, uh, I'm excited, I've never been, you're...
I've never been to Vancouver.
So wait, so this is also, we're treating this as like your little birthday trip?
We don't have to do that. I might go to Miami.
This kid hates... Well, how about you tell people, so they can celebrate with you? You just wanna pick up and go to Miami?
My birthday's on a Tuesday, it's fucking like...
I mean, you know, people like to celebrate with you, make... Do things with you.
I understand that.
You know, people wanna spend time with you.
I understand.
You know, now that you're basically forty years old...
Frankie. Also, you're like, how many months behind me?
Uh, four. Six, five. Five months behind.
Four, five.
I'm only five months behind you.
So, it's not that crazy. I'm not forty, bro.
Isn't it weird to think of that, though? Like, when you were a five-month-old baby, I was just born.
Yeah, I was in this world, and you weren't in the world, dude.
I know, it's fucked up.
It is fucked up.
The world without me sucks.
The world without you was like...
What the fuck is that?
Wow, I mean...
What the fuck is going on?
So?
Yeah, I got you a little birthday gift.
This is my birthday gift?
This is a birthday gift!
You set this up? Okay.
I mean, I figured that, you know, we want... You don't like celebrating your birthday. Those of you guys don't know Joe, he hates celebrating his birthday. So we had to do something. You know, me, Greg, and... We got together, we wanted to do a little something.
I see this kid pick up a fucking camera and I'm like...
He was very giddy, so he was like...
But, you know, obviously it's your birthday gift, so... Gentlemen, if you don't mind, hit it.
I mean, out of this world! That was incredible!
That was way louder than I...
Absolutely...
This guy's an unbelievable whistler.
You heard that whistle? Can you get... do the whistle?
That's unbelievable.
I don't know how anyone can whistle like that.
Oh my god.
That was pretty impressive. Better than... better than... I definitely better than you could sing, you know, so...
My heart rate's probably like 120.
Really? Oh, well, happy birthday, you know?
Did you enjoy it?
Did I... yeah, that...
Oh, I thi- oh, I'm not, I'm not, is that money? Cause that's, I think he's paying for that.
Yeah, yeah, alright, we're paying for that.
Yeah, I think he's paying for that.
Come out, come out this way, guys.
Yeah, no.
That was very good.
And loud. If we don't get evicted, that'll be a shock.
Yo, that whistle that this guy hit.
World record.
That's a pretty, like, and like, he did like, the Spanish whi- like, the, the, the, like, white woman whistle is... You know that one?
Can you do that?
No, I can't. I wanna learn though, because-
Can you do it?
No, I can't. People that could do that whistle, it's loud, dude.
It's very loud.
Bro, Espo's dad, that's how he would signal for them to come home and eat. All you would hear is just a whistle. Yeah, dude, like a fucking, like they were cattle.
Yeah, I was gonna say, like, they're birds or some shit?
Becca too. Becca's, she said, she was like, "We'd be at the park and we'd hear my mom whistle, and that's how we knew it was time to go home."
How far away from the park do they live?
I mean, a whistle, sound travels.
That's crazy.
But he did the Spanish whistle, which is just like-
Yeah, they just do it here. That was incredible, dude.
That was really, really loud.
That was awesome.
So, there you go. You like that as a birthday gift?
Yeah, that was cool.
I didn't know that was on your bucket list.
You know-
Such a white person bucket list, like, "I wanna see a mariachi band."
Why is that a white bucket list?
Because, like, you should just do that, like-
No, I'm just saying, those are, that's something that exists in the world, that'd be cool to experience.
That was pretty cool.
That was pretty sick. Do you think you could play that horn?
The trumpet, you mean?
It was like, not just a trumpet, there was like, a, another aspect to it.
I don't know, but, I, I mean, I, I can't... The trumpet's cool. Louis Armstrong made it fucking cool as hell.
Really cool. Yo, you wanna hear some shit? Miles got gifted a saxophone the other day, and I kinda wanna-
From who, Bill Clinton?
Who gives away saxophones?
I think his dad was doing, like, a, a job, and he found, like-
He got paid in saxophone?
I think he got paid in saxophone. But bro, I'm not even, not even gonna fucking lie, I was so jealous.
Is it a child one, or like a?
It's a saxophone, brother.
Okay, so that's bigger than his body.
Kenny G, yeah, this shit is big and brawling.
It's got a strap on it?
It has a, it has like, thing on the strap, and then a strap around, and then like, a full fucking saxophone, dude, like...
I feel like they, they named that wrong. It shouldn't be called a saxophone, cuz it reminds me of a seahorse.
Ooh, seahorseophone.
Se- well, that's not... It's gonna call it that.
I mean, I think sax is good because-
Or like a horn horse?
It's a sexy, a horse horn.
A horse horn?
A horse horn, no, bad one.
No, it sounds like you, your horses are coming towards you with a horse horn.
Well, I mean, maybe that's what saxophones were originally used for, we don't know.
I'll tell you this right now, if there was a horn that existed, that you blow it and horses come towards you, I'm buying it.
I'm sure there is, I mean, they have dog whistles.
What does that make dogs do, though?
Freak out, I think it's like-
But I don't want dogs to freak out.
I know, well, I think it's used, well, there's no magic-
Oh, it's like training?
Yeah, they use it for like, training, like, you know, just another way to torture fucking animals, as if they're not already hating us.
Uh, but, it should be, it sounds saxophone, it's very sexy, so it kinda makes sense.
Can he play it?
Miles was, he was ripping some, some stuff.
What?
Nothing crazy, he wasn't fucking Kenny G in it out there.
Oh, he's just like, "Ho, boom, boom."
Yeah, but like, give him some time, this kid pick, yeah, that wasn't really good. "Reek!" That's better.
That's, sounded like a-
Oh, bad.
His ears.
It's like, oh fuck, I think, a saxo- give him a couple, he'll pick it up very quick, me?
Give me some time, I can also pick it up quick.
Are you gonna attempt to play the saxophone?
If he brings it home, it's at his dad's house right now, but if he brings it home, it's not going back to his father's house, let me make that very clear.
You need to get your own, like, mouth part.
Reed.
That's what it is.
That's what it's called, that's what it's called.
I think I need to, but-
They're like, made of wood, I think.
They are, they're like balsa wood, it's like a thin, yeah, it's like a thin ass wood. And you have to like, type-
You gotta be a type mouth?
Gotta type lip it?
"Tip, tip, tip, tip." Yeah, I know, that's crazy, yeah, that was wild, yeah.
I'm really upset, I did that.
Oh, I got you, take the, the, uh, dick sucking thing out of that thing.
Thank you, I mean, you didn't need to call it that, but, uh, well, what? You just called it the dick sucking thing, just say the saxophone.
Uh... Keep it the-
No, come on! Well, I actually did get you another gift.
No more mariachi bands.
Is there anyone else coming through?
Bring in the strippers.
No, you're not a stripper guy.
You're not a stripper guy.
You're not.
I'm not.
I'm not a stripper guy either. Stripper, I don't get it. When I was younger, it was just like, what? And now it's just like...
The idea of it was like, cool.
I think we're the last generation of people that like...
You think strip clubs are fading? Not in Atlanta.
Why is Atlanta...
They're like the strip club capital of the world.
Are they?
Really?
That and like Montreal or something.
Do you know, I remember the last time we went to Vegas. Or not the last time, but like the time, one of the times we went to Vegas, I wanted to go to a strip club out there because it's owned by the Godfather from WWE.
That would be the reason why you go.
Dude, how cool would it have been if we walk in and he's just fucking doing his Godfather thing and he can hit us with a... I don't think they can call it the Ho train anymore, right?
Why? Well, I think on purpose he was calling it the Ho train.
Yeah, because he would come out with his... As he called them.
Ho's.
He called this.
Well, we saw them as women.
We did. I think he did too. He just saw them...
It was an act.
I hope so.
Well, technically it wasn't an act if he owns a strip club.
Yeah, look up...
What was it called?
Uh, Cheetahs, I think.
That's a strip club.
That's definitely a strip club.
Yeah, yeah.
Look up if, uh, if strip clubs are going away.
If, okay, I mean...
Are less people going to strip clubs nowadays?
Okay, we don't, we don't know.
I don't really know, but I did get you another gift. Actually, technically, I didn't get it for you.
So I was able to get in touch with a good friend of mine, who is a three-time Slam Poetry of the Year winner.
Oh, okay.
Francisco.
Uh, and, uh, I, first of all, I hadn't seen him in a while.
Right.
Uh, he, he's been pretty upset since sometime in November, a specific Tuesday in November he's been upset about. Uh, and then...
What does it say on strip clubs, Ant?
I'm trying, oh.
Our strip, right there, is the American strip club dying out? Analysis of the strip club market from 2014 to 2029, from Yahoo Finance.
Oh, no, I clicked that, there was nothing on it. Yahoo Finance.
Yahoo Finance doing, you know, really-
Finding out the answer to that. I'm just gonna say, "Yeah."
Yeah, okay, okay, cool. Um, but, uh, so, three-time slam poetry of the year, Francisco, uh, he, I asked him for your 33rd birthday to write you a little poem.
And he went on like a 40-minute rant about-
I have a feeling I'm gonna be offended by this.
I don't think so, honestly, I really don't think so, so Francisco wrote you a brief poem.
Mm-hmm.
He wanted me to read it to you.
Okay.
And-
Are you gonna perform it as him?
I, I, I mean, I can't, that would be disrespectful to-
So you're just gonna read it with a-
I'm just gonna read it as he, as he intended it, as the Lord intended it.
Okay, so he said that this poem is called "Joey."
For you, for your birthday.
It's my birthday.
Born white as milk.
Frank?
I knew that I wasn't gonna like this, I just knew it. Born white as milk. You have to perform it.
I can't, I'm not, I'm not Francisco.
Try, just do your best impression.
Do an impression of the guy, dude.
I don't have-
People wanna hear the impression.
I don't have his getup, I don't have his-
Just do it! It's my birthday! Okay.
Born white as milk. With hair that's dark but has since gone gray. Alright, it's a couple of strands on the side.
With a best friend whose looks are so astounding, some have even thought, "Is Joe gay?" Did that, oh, gray and gay, I was like, how does that even rhyme? Like, okay.
Little freckles.
No. You can't say that! Little freckles.
Little freckles. Little boy, playing football, basketball, oh yay, sports!
Five foot, a buck-
No, no, no. Do you know there's a lot of discourse now, I've seen on TikTok of people like, "Okay, how tall is he, though?"
Five foot, a buck ten pounds. His shirts look like dresses, his boxers look like shorts.
Hair like silk. Skin olive oil gold. Joe doesn't have this, but his best friend Frank has all of those.
Okay, yeah. So we're using, this is, this is for my birthday, by the way.
Joey lives life with a pencil dick.
Frankie.
What are you laughing at, giggles? Shut the fuck up back there.
You fucking bullshit.
Joey lives life with a pencil dick, where Frank? Garden hose.
Jalopy Joe, more like sloppy Joe. He's a carbon copy of his mommy and poppy Joe. Making some pennies delivering pizza and working parties betting on himself? Now we're with cocky Joe.
Ah, a full media empire, King YouTube. Everyone, settle down, kids.
Son of a bitch. You son of a bitch.
From humble.
From. Okay.
From humble beginnings to Rolex and Nike dunk fits.
That's you.
Little twink bitch adjacent, instead of being a slut replacement. He made videos in his basement. Now he's old and gray, basically ancient, trying to mark the world.
You fucking bitch.
You bastard.
Little twink bitch adjac- I'm gonna start.
Yeah, I- I- I figured.
Little twink bitch adjacent. Instead of being a slut replacement, he made videos in his basement. Now he's old and gray, basically ancient, trying to make his mark across the world like a scratch on pavement.
That last part.
No one is giving me any snaps. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. I'm trying to be like Francisco.
Across the world like a scratch on the pavement?
That makes sense.
Why not?
I don't know. What does that mean?
Don't play- Francisco wrote this.
Right, yeah, not you.
Oh no.
We've seen Nuck If You Buck from afar, Joe. We've seen The Only One That Could Fuck In A Car, Joe.
We've seen Marathon-
Yep, picture.
We've seen Marathon Joe, Billionaire Joe, and even Boxing Joe 2.
But now we're here for your least favorite, Joe. That's birthday, Joe. Happy birthday to you.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Thank you so much. Francisco, he wanted to make sure you got that in time for your birthday.
Right, he did. And then- and I did get it, and I-
What was your favorite line?
Uh...none of it. Can I say that? Maybe why don't you just say happy birthday?
What about- I think this one was really, really good.
Hair like silk, skin olive oil gold. Joe doesn't have this. But his best friend Frank has all of those. Joe lives life with a pencil dick where Frank-
Garden hose.
Right, yeah, I know.
Yeah, no. That was nice.
I mean, I think it was very...
It was thoughtful. It was, for sure.
You know, I thought it was really kind.
I do appreciate it. It's nice.
It was a nice little gift. Jalopy Joe, more like sloppy Joe. He's a carbon copy of his mom and poppy Joe.
Why did you... Yeah, you started dropping bars there.
You like that, right?
Why did you start calling me Jalopy Joe back in the day?
Uh, I don't think I did. I think it was a friend of ours at the time, Chelsea. I think she just started calling you Jalopy Joe.
And a jalopy is like a fucked up car or something?
Is it?
Isn't it?
What's a jalopy?
I thought that was a lemon.
A lemon?
A lemon could be a fucked up anything. Like, it could be, like, someone sells you a lemon.
Wait, what?
You never heard that saying?
Like, a lemon is a jalopy?
They... Uh, now you're getting into jalopy theater.
Yeah, an old car.
Or in, in dilapidated condition? Is that what that says?
Dilapidated.
You're dilapidated Joe.
Which, what does that mean?
You don't know dilapidated?
Like fucked up.
Yeah. No, but like when someone says like, "Oh, you sold them a lemon," like, something that looks like it works, but it doesn't work. I don't know why that, why they do that with lemons.
Wait, that's an expression? Like, "You sold me a lemon?"
Yeah, yeah. You've heard that one, right?
Yeah, not to be confused with Lemon Party.
Yes.
Right, Lemon Party.
Lemonparty.org.
Which was...
Old men blowing each other.
Were they blowing each other?
Someone, yeah.
Are you sure?
Did I ever tell you about...
Don't start typing.
Did I ever tell you about the time? Oh my god. I don't know, I think I might have told you this. I had a family member, like, post on social media, like, "Hey, I'm trying to put together some, uh, like, different websites and places to donate to charities and stuff like that."
Frankie, do not tell me that you did what I think you're about to say.
And I responded like, "Yeah, I got you." I know of one that, like, it helps, like, struggling farmers across the US or something like...
Frankie. And you sent them to lemonparty.org.
And they posted it? No, they didn't! They posted it? They posted like, "Thank you to these people, check out these websites." And it was like, "Thank you." And it was a slide, a whole slide, it was just like lemonparty.org.
Was there like a photo, or was it just the website?
It was just the website name.
But then afterward, the person contacted me, they were like, "You're the biggest piece of shit."
Yeah. If you don't know, by the way, lemonparty.org.
Pull it up, is it still available?
Don't pull it up.
Eh, pull it up. Pull it up!
Uh, but don't, don't put it in the episode.
Don't put it in the episode. Josh, cut this out. Josh!
Josh, don't put the lemon party in the episode. Lemonparty.org, if you go to the website, it's just a picture of old guys blowing each other.
Oh yeah, it's still available.
It's still, it's still there. And...
Oh!
We have a... That was a fucking virus!
Oops.
By the way, we're not putting it in the episode, but like, the photo that we were talking about, that when we were young, people were like, "Oh yo, go to lemonparty.org, it's a dope website." And you would go and there's a picture of an old guy blowing another old guy.
And another old guy like,
Just hanging out?
Directing?
Yeah. We just went to that, and it showed the picture for a second, and then it just looked like the Matrix.
And it was like, "Your computer's gonna explode." And then, there was a line-
Don't go to it.
There was a line on there that said something like, "Any of you guys drink Pedialyte's?" or something like that.
Don't, don't go back.
Don't go back.
But I am curious, but don't go back. Um, but yeah, no, that's, that's...
This is crazy, bro. Oh man.
Lemon party? What a time. Been a while. Why lemon party? Is that like pee?
Uh, I, I imagine they were just trying to get something that would just throw people off the scent.
Got me.
Uh, could you imagine, sex has a smell, we agree with that, right?
Yeah. What does it smell like?
Uh, uh, I don't know, it's just like a, like a, like a, just like a, a, a smell. I can't equate it to a food or anything.
But it has like a, it has like a, just like a raw... Just like.
I think that if like, if it was possible. To be like, like a raw piece of human meat.
It smell like that?
Yeah, if you took, if you, I, I'm, I'm with you here. If you took two sweaty thighs, just the meat and just smashed them together.
Or like rubbed.
Or rubbed them together. That's what I imagine it smells like.
I don't like it that much.
Oh.
Do you like it?
Ah, yeah.
You like a musty, I like it.
Well, don't, I don't know why you're calling it musty.
Well, not, not a musty.
I don't know.
When I think of musty, I just mean like, it's like potent.
Well, no, musty, it means something different. I think it means like, it's like, there's like mildewy wetness to it.
Oh, that's not what I meant.
Look up musty.
We need to stop utilizing the.
But I, musty definition, having a state moldy or damp, yeah, so.
Yeah, yeah, damp.
I guess technically it is musty, but like I don't.
It gets damp.
It gets, it gets a little damp in there.
It does get a little damp.
You know, but.
Get a little damp.
Josh, you having fun editing this episode?
We're getting a text from him and he's like, yo, you guys are out of your fucking mind.
You ever have sex in a room and it's like, okay, that was great. And then you walk out, maybe to like whatever, and then you come back in the room and you're like, whoa.
It hits you like a fucking ton of bricks.
That's when I'm kind of like, alright, we gotta open. This is.
I don't know, I live in that shit, baby.
That's nasty.
No, I ain't.
I mean, it's a room. I'm not in a fucking box.
I'm saying this, I'm not saying the room is nasty. I'm being like, yo, just open a window. Let's get this smell out of here.
I mean, it's ventilation. People live in places that are, you know, apparently.
You walk in and out.
I live in a well-ventilated home. I don't know about you, bitch.
What, you live in a cigar bar? There's always a thing just sucking the air out of the room?
I wish I lived in a cigar bar.
Do ya? You'd probably be dead by now, Frank.
I would be dead.
Cigar bars are a dangerous place.
Dude, we went to one in the city and it was so cool. They had good drinks, good cigars, but even I had to step out because I was like, holy shit. Like, that was too, too, too, too, too much.
I don't like being in them. I have very sensitive lungs, I think.
I almost joined, yeah, I don't know.
You, oh, please say, go.
I almost joined like a cigar, like, like as a member of a cigar club.
Guys.
I hope that people are paying attention here. I hope that people are paying attention to the slowly, the slow progression into a, into a monster that this kid has become.
First of all, first of all, this was way before we started doing this show or anything. This happened, uh, 2014, 2015. I was young. There was a cigar lounge by my college that had just opened up and I went in to buy cigars and I was like, yo, this is sick. There was fucking pool tables. They had like a fucking bar, but like it was like BYOB and shit like that. They had all mixers and stuff. And I asked guy, I was like, what is it to join? And it was like $50 a month. You get a locker. You can, you can come in whenever you want. You can bring whatever you want to drink. You get like 20% off of the cigars and you live it up. What's wrong with that?
I wanted to be a part of a group of men, a friend group of, of like hang out with boys and friends, you know?
In suits and just hang out.
No, no, no. I was gonna go and, you know, normal.
Just like.
Have you ever smoked one of those really long ones?
Churchill's, yeah, hell yeah, baby. Or like.
Or like, bro, you remember one time we went in like Connecticut and they're like, we were just like looking around. There was one that literally looked like that.
Yeah, there's.
I'm like, who's smoking? Is Popeye?
Yeah, dude, there were some that were like, they were like way too big, you know? Just like an absolute just overkill and.
Yeah. Anything more than that.
Anything more than that is an, is not a good smoke.
It's dangerous, really.
It's useless, honestly. Who wants that?
Egregious.
And it was legit like as thick as like.
Who's smoking those?
A fucking adult cucumber.
And.
That's why adult there.
Yeah. No, no, no, I've never, I've had long ones, like long skinny ones, crazy that we're talking about this. Josh, get him on the whole one. Have him on standby.
Make sure that you put the word cigar in full.
Text across.
Add some pot.
Uh, but yeah, you know?
Yeah. What were you talking about?
Smoking poles.
Whoa. Smoking poles and the word musty is still up on the screen.
We do have some sponsors.
We're going right to the sponsors.
I think we have to from there. I mean, what better way to transition into the sponsors?
Any other ways, watch this.
Rather than, go ahead, say something, say something.
I really love sandwiches and, man, good sandwich, it's hard to beat. We have some sponsors.
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Whoa!
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And a lot of people have hit me up and they've used this, they said it was very cool, built their websites, like, "Hey, check it out." So it's nice to see that people are using it and, you know, creating the things that they want. So go to Squarespace.com/basement and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. We also have Caraway, okay? Caraway, good-looking, clean cooking, alright? I don't know what it is about me, this is coming in at the perfect time because in the last year, I've been paying a lot of attention to like the pots and pans, because I, you know, read some articles and the boy's a little bit of a hypo, but I've read some articles about like some pots and pans are actually not the greatest to be cooking with because there's like toxins and when you're cooking and whatever, I don't know what the,
I don't know the technical terms, but all I know is, is that Caraway makes beautiful cookware and 95% of, you know, home goods have these toxic chemicals like Teflon and stuff like that. Over 70% of fry pans sold in America contain Teflon, so you want to stop cooking with toxins, but Caraway...
You know, they're safer than all those other things. And like I said, they're beautiful. They're very sturdy. I've been cooking with one for a while now and they're amazing. So make the swap to non-toxic living today with Caraway's cookware set. It will save you $150 versus buying the items individually, okay? If you visit carawayhome.com/basement, you can take an additional 10% off of your next purchase. This deal is exclusive for our listeners, so visit carawayhome.com/basement or use the code basement at checkout, okay? Non-toxic cookware, if you're gonna be cooking at home, you're gonna wanna make sure that you're doing it in the most healthy way possible.
So this is huge for me. Like I said, 95% of home goods are made with toxic chemicals like Teflon or PTFE, whatever that is. But make the swap to non-toxic with Caraway. Again, that is carawayhome.com/basement and use the code basement at checkout.
And you know what? While you're cooking with Caraway, why don't you let us cook over at patreon.com/thebasementyard? We tell you guys about it every single week, and by we, I mean me, and by me, I mean hi, how you doing? Patreon.com/thebasementyard is another way to continue to support us. As you guys have seen by now, obviously, we're in a new studio, new digs, and that's because of not only our general support from all the people that love and support us, but also from the people over on Patreon. So Patreon.com/thebasementyard, you sign up today, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And you sign up for that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you can start and end your week with us while you're cooking, while you're dancing, while you're cleaning, while you're driving. Doesn't matter what you're doing. Actually, it does, we don't wanna hear about it.
Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Thank you, folks, for all the love and all the support. Go check it out. And as you guys have seen, we're going over to Europe for some shows. And if you're coming over to those shows, go to Patreon, uh, excuse me, thebasementyard.com/submit in order to fill out the questionnaire that we have there. We ask you guys some, you know, prompts, some questions, and you respond with some stories, fun, cool, crazy, scary, whatever. And then maybe we talk to them, you know, to you or about them while we're at our shows. So for the shows that we have in Glasgow, Scotland, in London, and in Dublin, go check out thebasementyard.com/submit. Submit your responses. Maybe we'll talk to you about you. You never know, but go check it out. Thanks, folks. Joey, back to you.
Thanks, Frank. We appreciate it.
No problem.
What was that? I don't know. No problem. I don't know, I don't know.
This is such a crazy episode.
It is. We started the episode with a full mariachi band and then Francisco, three-time slam poetry of the year winner.
It's star-studded.
It's a star-studded episode.
Star-studded.
Wait till you see who we got next. Hit it, Ant.
We got nothing. We've got nothing else.
Ba ba ba. What the fuck was that?
I don't know what he wants me to do.
No, yeah, that's it.
By the way, I just found out.
Oh, oh yeah?
I just found out that at the end of Santa Goda Studios videos.
Oh, the hymn?
Bro, I had no idea that existed.
Apparently it's been going on a while.
Quite some time.
At the very end.
A couple of months at least.
At the very end of the Santa Goda Studios videos, which if you don't know, youtube.com/santagodastudios, we post every week. But at the end of that, there used to be a song that would play, but apparently it got copyrighted.
So Ant's just been going at the end and going, "Ba ba ba da ba ba da ba ba."
Yeah, and he like says something? Yeah, he's like, "They did this and da da da da." Sometimes I think you put in one where you were like, "I tried this food" or something like that. Like, there was like something we did.
He does like commentary.
Bro, I had no idea this existed. Apparently it's been going on a while. And like, we watched the video that just came out yesterday, of me and Greg on the drive home, and then we're just watching it and we're like, like laughing at, it was the video with me and Keith. And then it started playing through the speakers of my car. We were dying, bro.
I'm shocked you didn't know that.
I was like, yo.
Damn, that's crazy. As a supervisor who doesn't know what was going on under his own nose, dude. Congratulations. You won that one, Ant.
Yeah, he got me. But he, uh, but then we were like, "Did he just do this for this video?" And then we started watching the other ones. So there was like five in a row that we were listening to the end.
No, it's way long. It's been months. Like, I honestly, I feel like it was like, maybe the summer, right?
It's been a while.
Yeah, I didn't know this was happening.
Like, a super long time.
So I'm now, like, now I'm gonna watch all the way through, just to hear Ant. Da da da da da da da da da da. And then do commentary.
Honestly, you hit that shit.
I do.
Do you dance when you record it?
A little bit.
A little bit, right?
Sometimes, sometimes I send them to the merch store.
Sometimes.
Look at this guy.
There you go. See, he is...
He's getting it. He's getting it.
He's like, oh, you have some people, something for people to look forward to every single week. What did Ant say this week?
Oh yeah, maybe you should start putting in crazy things, like start like, you know.
Whatever that he's about to say is, will get you fired.
No it won't. No it won't.
Start saying crazy things.
I can, I can give you some stuff to say if you want. We'll talk, we'll talk offline. Um, I don't know if you saw Joey, a couple of weeks ago, we spoke about the jerk off ban that was happening.
Did we talk about that? I know that you've been bringing up to me.
I've been telling you because it's a crazy story. So, Ohio lawmakers.
This is Ohio? I didn't know that.
It's right here. It's next door, baby.
It's states away, but.
State away.
It's like 10.
No, it's not. It's right, Joey, Ohio's.
Ohio's not one state away.
Yes, it's, it's, there's one state in between us and Ohio.
Penn?
Yeah, that's it.
Is that truth?
Yes, it is truth. Pull up map of truth.
Wait. I think that like.
States.
Nah, nah, nah.
Yes, dude, there's two states in between us. There it is.
You just said two now.
No, I'm sorry, there's one state in between us.
Is that true?
Damn.
Go to Google Maps. Why are you looking up a picture of it? Literally just type.
Don't go to Google Maps. I can see it. I can see it.
There's the maps thing right there.
I can see, yeah.
It's right, literally right there.
I drove to Ohio once, but we had to go through West Virginia, so I didn't know where that was.
Why did you have to go all the way down?
Because roads don't just go like that. Sometimes you gotta go like that.
Yeah, but there's, why would it, that doesn't even make sense. You would.
I don't know, bro. I don't know.
You might've got lost and someone just tried to blame it.
Hold on. Cause now looking at this map, you see how it kinda looks like veins or whatever?
I saw a video, and I don't know how fucking true this is, but I saw a video where it's like, I think it was like Japan, or it was an Asian country, that like, there was a fucking, um, like a bacteria or something, right? That you, can you try and find that?
Yeah, I can find it. I know what you're talking about. They mapped their like train system. They.
Through this bacteria.
It wasn't bacteria. It was like mushrooms, like fungus and shit like that. And that's how they mapped the way that their like train system worked.
Efficient way. Incredible. That is the most ridiculous thing. Ant, are you kidding me with that?
Wait, is that the actual thing?
It is, this is what they did, no, this is what they did. I was looking for the video, so you could see it, and we could like-
Yeah, no, it's, it's pretty, I dunno if it was Jap- oh yeah, it was Tokyo.
That's a 3 minute video, do the 39 second one, right there.
I gotcha.
It's like-
There's Tokyo? Alright, hold on, let's watch this.
I mean, it's just going out in a circle. Oh, the veins, I see the veins.
So what they did was, they put food sources on the specific cities that they want the trains to go to-
And then they used the fungus to map the best way to those food sources, AKA cities, and they used that.
Bro, that is unbelievable.
Mad smart.
That is unbelievable.
Bro, Becca watched like a fucking documentary on mushrooms one day, and it was like- They are like, connected through the soil, across the whole planet.
That makes me believe, I mean, not that I don't believe, but like, doing mushrooms would probably have like, this like-
Bro, there are people that like swear by psychedelics and shit like that.
Yeah, they, they, they microdose every day.
I can't do that, I would, I would not, not that I've ever done them, so I dunno what the effect is, but like, I imagine it's not fun.
Why?
I mean, if you do like, an insane amount.
But what does microdosing do? If it's, it gets you high?
Stuff. No, it's, it's not necessarily like, a high, like, you don't get like, high, but you get like, something, it's like, it does something.
You get high, yeah, you get high, just say it, brother.
No.
Yeah!
You don't even know!
I know, I don't.
No, like, it's cra- that's why like, honestly, Last of Us kinda does scare me a little bit, because like-
If the mushrooms, if like, bacteria decided to turn on us?
Well, that shit is real, that, that, that strain of fungus is real, cordyceps. And that's actually what it does, it just doesn't do it to humans, it does it to ants.
What does it do?
It takes over their brain, and then makes them act like, super aggressively. Why do you look up goo?
What? No, I was just going to Google, no, stop, stop. Goo!
Um, yeah, no-
Yo, look, there's like, spiders and animals that like, cordyceps will take over their fucking brain, and turn them into zombies and shit. Bro!
I can't, I can't, I'm not-
You ca- this is real shit, dude!
I know, I know.
That's why I'm talking about it.
There's no way I'm dying in a zombie apocalypse, though. I would need guns.
Yeah, duh. What do you mean you would need guns? Like, you just broke the fucking...
No, like I-
You wouldn't need guns? Oh, how would you survive with those?
Bro, imagine being in here and we just have ammo.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, but we would need food. And the way that Greg eats, we'll run out of food in an hour.
Yeah, that's true.
This fucking little snack boy.
Yeah, I know. But he'd probably be good at finding the crumbs around here.
He does, he does eat like, he does eat like a little rodent. He does.
Yeah, he does.
He eats like a little rodent. He'll find him. I'm gonna say this. I picked up his book, 'cause it's over there. Do you see his lips?
What are you talking about?
He's got, do you see the picture of him?
Yeah, he's got- It's an old picture.
Yeah. It looks like he just got done-
You know I'm on that book?
Like, in it?
No, like, I'm on the cover.
Oh, like, the picture of you?
Yeah, it's like, you know, no, no, no, like, you know, it's like, uh, New York Times-
Oh, so-and-so said, yeah.
Yeah, so this is the best book I've ever read.
He's got, I'm just gonna say this, that picture, look at his lips.
What's wrong with them?
Looks like he got done doing something very fresh.
Why, are they, like, thick and swollen?
They're, they're a little, like, I've never seen Greg's lips like that. Outside of that time that you and him shared that room in Pittsburgh or something.
Oh, dude, that's so fucking good and funny. Stupid loser.
Yeah, but, so, Ohio introduced, it was, literally, it's a ban on, yeah, contraception begins at erection act, which-
What does that even begin to mean?
We're not gonna get into the whole debate of it.
Could be the law in Ohio, which would make it illegal for men to have sex without intent to make a baby.
So, that includes-
Alright, bro, the fuck, this is, the Christians have gone too far with this shit.
That includes jerking off.
This is insane.
Uh, State Representative Anita Samani and Tristan Rader announced their plans in a Blue Sky video explaining the legislation's purpose. It was initially introduced in Mississippi by Senator Bradford Blackman and is now going to the legislative floor.
The bill will make it illegal to discharge semen or genetic material without the intent to fertilize an embryo.
What is genetic material if not semen?
Yeah, that's a great question.
Okay. No, no, no, you don't have to look that up. Don't look that up.
Here are the penalties.
Okay, go.
For the first offense, a thousand dollars.
To beat it? Yeah, but like, a person like, of the court has to like, catch you.
Oh, the bill is accepted, expected to make clear exceptions for contraceptives, masturbation, and LGBTQIA people.
There you go, you dumbass.
But like, still, like, that means that...
So, but you can't...
That means sex. So that means that sex without intent of fertilizing an embryo, the first offense is a thousand dollars, second offense, five thousand dollars.
So, you can't...
Any subsequent offense, ten thousand dollars.
Dude, I'll say this right now, I'm racking up a bill.
Goddamn. Holy shit. TikTok, clip that, clip that and put this emoji, the sweating one that's... That's what they, that's the emoji that they use for you.
Oh, the red face?
The red face that it's sweating is...
Wait, so I'm confused by this, the exceptions are, you said contracept...
It said contraceptives.
So if I'm wearing a condom?
I guess so. It says masturbation, so I guess they allow it, you're safe, don't worry jerk off king.
No, but you...
And then it says, you know, people of the LGBTQIA plus community are safe as well.
Oh, so the, so gay people can just raw dog each other and it's nothing, but the straights?
This is a tackle, straight!
No, but that...
Make it harder to be straight in this country.
And white and straight, the weight...
And having a ton of money!
The weight of this is getting insane.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but what, does this mean that you can't have raw sex with your wife?
I imagine, yeah, so like, that's what I imagine it would mean, is that like, if you got...
How do you enforce this?
I mean, if someone reports you.
Report this?
Bro, I'm telling you right now, if we ever do a show...
Okay, where are you going with this?
No, can you imagine, just like, bro, could you imagine, like, that's crazy, right? Like, that is some legit, like, Handmaid's Tale shit, like, they're controlling, they're controlling where semen is going.
Wild, right?
As bananas.
Ten thousand?
Some of us will be safe.
What was that?
What were you gonna say?
How do you get caught?
That's what I'm saying.
I imagine someone reports you.
Who, your neighbors like peeking like I saw them having raw stuff?
Maybe, or like in conversation, you know, just be like, yeah, I had sex, I didn't use a condom or something. They'll just be like.
Who says that?
Wee, wee, I'm sure they're gonna set up.
Dude, if people are like together, I'm assuming they're not using condoms.
I mean, I don't know.
I'll say this, married people using condoms, kinda, kinda crazy.
Some people do, some people do because they wanna avoid, I mean, it's not weird.
I mean, yeah, no, it's weird.
Some people want to avoid getting pregnant and, you know.
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The woman might not wanna go on birth control, the man might not wanna get his shit snipped.
I'm gonna get killed for that now that I think about it.
Yeah, you're done, dude.
Yeah. I'm getting murdered for that.
Damn, you're dead, you're dead, bitch.
I can't have an opinion?
No, I can't be, can't be a straight white male with a ton of money and an opinion anymore, huh?
Sucks, dude.
We can't say anything nowadays.
Oh, man.
It is crazy, I do, I do think if.
Oh, oh wait, no, nevermind.
I mean, I imagine the law will write in like how to enforce it and shit like that. Bro, could you imagine being a cop?
Should be like.
Holding up a black light, what's that? What is that?
That is, that's weird.
I think that's an invasion of pride.
Yeah, duh.
Like, that's crazy.
Absolutely, it's also super weird that like, we're in this weird place in the world, or not the world, the US where it's just like, make more babies. We're not gonna care for them once they're actually out, and we're not gonna help them survive their whole fucking life, but make them and put them into the world so we can take advantage of them and take their taxes.
Let's, uh, get that universal healthcare going before we start making some crazy, uh, bills like this.
I mean, or. Just kill this bill.
I thought you were gonna go, "Kill whoever made the bill."
No, no, no, no, I don't wanna.
Just kill the legislaish.
I don't wanna say that. This is, this is-
Yeah, obviously. I mean, it, this, does, you think, I don't- What the fuck?
Can't even talk, bro. There's, I can't do, I do that so often that there is compilations on TikTok of me just not being able to speak.
Yeah, well, the world is starting to realize how stupid you are.
Oh, here we go. The smartest guy, there he is.
I mean, I wouldn't say smartest, I would definitely say-
I wouldn't either.
I would-
I don't think anyone would.
I wouldn't sit here and profess to being someone of incredibly higher intellect.
He's trying to say words and shit. You think that you said cordyceps before, you smart guy?
Cordyceps, dude, you know cordyceps.
Yeah, you're the mushroom guy, too.
I, I mean, I have mushroom stuff every morning. I have a mushroom drink every morning. I do. I don't wanna say the name of the company, cause I don't wanna give them a free plug, but-
Cause you're a money hungry bitch, is that why?
Cause I'm a cheap bastard.
Cause I'm a cheap fuck.
Yeah, it's like, it's like cordyceps, reishi, reishi, reishi.
You're asking me?
Chaga, lion's mane.
What's that, a mushroom?
Yeah, you never seen it? It looks like a ball with hair on it.
Makes sense why they would call it that.
Yeah, dude, it's pretty good, actually.
You ever, this is a weird question, but stay with me.
Alright, here we are.
Have you ever bitten a dandelion's head?
I've eaten a dandelion, yeah.
It's not good.
Yeah, it's very bitter.
Not that, well, I'm not going for that, I'm, I meant like, it's so hairy.
Are you, wait, are you talking the, when it's like, in the, like, the, the wisher?
Yeah, before you blow your wish, you bite it, and you're like, now I got a bunch of hair.
No, that I've not done, because-
Why would I do that?
I was just curious, I was a kid, I'm curious.
That makes sense, honestly. I've, I've eaten like, dandelion greens and stuff like that, and it's very, very bitter.
I'm talking about out of the ground, and you're about to make a wish, and you're like, this looks like Albert Einstein's head, and then you bite it.
I wanna make dandelion wine one day, and actually, I've heard it's pretty good.
Dandelion, that's so weird, because the, the liquor store-
In my neighborhood is called dandelion wine.
Yeah, that's like a real thing. It's like, I know someone that like, growing up, they had like a, you know, a big like farm. And they would pick the dandelions and make dandelion wine.
It sounds like it would be disgusting.
I don't know, I've never had it. Have you had it?
No, I don't know.
Oh, Greg, Greg, had it, been there, seen it, ma- made it.
One time Aunt got me a wine as a gift.
What'd you get that for me for like Christmas or something?
It was a cranberry wine.
It was a cranberry wine?
I hate cranberries.
I was excited, cause I like-
Yeah, you like different types of wine.
Yeah, and I was like, oh, cool.
I hate cranberries, hate cranberry juice, not for me.
That shit was so bad.
And I had to text him, I'd be like, yo, I appreciate the gift, this sucks.
I was like, I was just letting you know.
I wanted to try, like, uh, we've had orange wine.
We had that at your place. I, I, I wanna try like, blueberry wine, like-
Blueberry wine?
Yeah, they make, you can make wine out of any fruit, basically.
Yeah, but, you know.
We can, we can stick with the grapes.
I would stick with that.
Yeah, no, I-
A cherry wine? Is there a guy online that makes like, wine or something out of-
Mead, mead. He makes mead out of like, Mountain Dew.
That looks, I would try it.
I would take a sip, but I have a feeling I would hate it.
Why? It's just, it's just the sugar breaks down and turns into alcohol.
It must be insanely alcoholic if it's fucking Mountain Dew.
Oh yeah, that's probably a lot of sugar. Mountain Dew, you a Mountain Dew guy?
Absolutely not.
Oh, I used to like, I haven't tried Baja Blast, and you know me, I'm a big Top of Bell fan.
I've never been blasted by the Baja.
By the Baja Men?
Who's that comedian that does the whole bit on the Baja Men?
What, what's the bit?
I, I know-
You know what I'm talking about, right?
The Baja Men, who let the dogs out?
He, he like, did a bit where he's just like, how many Baja Men can you name? They've won like thirty Grammys or something like that.
No way.
They've, no, I don't know about thirty, but they've won a good amount of Grammys.
One would be more than I thought they would have won.
No, they've won, look up, how many Grammys have the Baja Men won?
Right under musty, right under, where's Ohio?
Musty and goo.
The Baha Men.
So, looks like it might be only one.
I think it's one.
Alright, well, one, yeah, they have one nomination, they're one for one. Best dance recording, okay, that makes sense. Song was a smash.
Why do I think that this per, that they had multiple?
Isn't that song about ugly? It's about like ugly women, like.
That's fucked up.
You know? It was like, "The party was nice, the party was jumping, hey, yippee yo, and everyone was having a b- huh, huh, huh, huh."
I'm looking like, it's something like, you know the lyrics?
Look, yeah, what happened to the Baha Men? They're probably still just raking it in.
Probably.
Two, what, 1999, that song came out or something like that?
Was it? It was at our 5th grade graduation.
I mean, every song was at it. Mambo number 5 was at our 5th grade graduation. That also came out like 98.
Lu Vega is probably still raking it in.
Who?
Lu Vega.
Oh, the guy who made that song?
Mambo number 5. You know? Boom, boom, boom, boom, ba-dum, boom, boom. That song fucking still hits.
50 year old white people love that song.
Alright. You're gonna be there one day, you'll be an old white.
You're kinda getting, pretty close.
Rank these old white songs.
Okay?
Blindly? How many you got?
I'm gonna give you 5.
And you tell me what you think about them, okay?
Blindly.
I'm gonna give you the 5 songs.
And then you tell me which ones are like, your least favorite to favorite.
Mambo number 5.
Who, who let the dogs out?
Wait, we're going in order, we're going blind.
Let, let them.
Dumbass. Let them put them in a ranking.
Well then, you know the first 2 then.
I'll put Who Let the Dogs Out at 4.
And I'll put Mambo number 5 at 3.
Ooh, see, that's a smart tactic. You've done enough of these blind ranking things that you know to attack the middle first.
The Macarena.
How does the song go?
I'm not gonna do it. You got a nice try, cuz it's, I don't wanna like offend anyone by trying to sing the Macarena.
What's, what language is that?
I believe it's, some of it's in Spanish.
Then you should be good.
I mean, not that good, you know that I can sing the words to the Macarena.
I don't, I can't remember the beat in my head.
(singing)
You're right, that is offensive.
Um, that's a good one. Alright, I'll put it at two, so I have one in five now.
Ooh, okay, so you gotta go big or go home.
September by Earth, Wind & Fire.
One.
That's a great song.
Song is ridiculous.
So good.
So, so, so good. And then the last one was gonna be The Pledge of Allegiance, so, crazy Joe. You heard, wow, Star Spangled Banner, he put last, dude. I know Pledge of Allegiance and Star Spangled Banner last, they were fucking one in the same in his book, he put it last, he put it last. America, get him.
September, that's a good one though.
Yeah, that is a really...
I love when that song comes on at weddings.
There's an even better Earth, Wind & Fire song called Boogie Wonderland, that, when that song comes on, I have, I am not... Severance. Frank is gone.
New guy.
Frank A. Frank A. Frank A. shows up and dances to Boogie Wonderland.
Love that. You know what song I hate?
Hmm.
The Electric Slide. You can feel it, it's electric. Boogie, boogie, boogie. I like it, I like it.
I like See My Aunt. Oh, yeah, oh, white people love that, and your aunt's white, I believe.
Uh, but yeah.
What other, or like, like, all those like wedding songs, oh, Cotton Eye Joe, dude.
I think someone recently, we talked about it a couple of weeks, like months ago, or a year ago, on a previous episode, and we like, thought like, it's, there's gotta be something about it that's racist, and someone looked it up and was like, yeah.
I think it has like a...
No, if, i- it hadn't been for Cotton Eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go, where'd you come from, Cotton Eye Joe?
Yeah, I don't know what that means, but, yeah, it feels like there's an undertone. I will say that, it does feel like that.
There's something there. What are those, what other one, Cupid Shuffle, that's a great one.
Cupid Shuffle. That's a good one.
To the left.
We're missing, um, the, uh.
Cha-cha.
We're gonna get funky.
See, that one like got played out for me very quickly.
I used to love it when I was like in fifth and sixth grade.
Yo, fifth grade was the perfect time to be into the fucking.
Reverse, reverse.
Or when everyone, when the, we've, we've also spoken about this, Charlie Brown, and everyone's just like, what do we do here?
Yeah, it was like, I don't know what the Charlie Brown is.
Yeah, no, no, no.
Like, that's too vague. You're telling us to step to the left and to the right and jump.
What are other like, super popular wedding songs? Like, I, I, I'm sure, I actually, I know we did an episode on this.
Yeah, yeah, we did.
We just completely forgot.
What are the songs that have instructions?
Go check it out.
We have like, the ones that are like, instructions though, because this one's a, yeah.
Yeah, like, think, like, instructional dance.
Bro, also, I honestly think there should be a federal law, now that we're passing ridiculous laws in this country.
Yeah, no jerking off, no coming until it's for babies.
Fucking, whatever else we got going on here. Um, I think that it should be a federal law, written into federal law. I want to dance with somebody by Whitney Houston.
Yeah, every single one.
Being at every single fucking wedding.
Hold the fuck on. YMCA, banger. I mean, it's kind of been taken now.
I don't love the YMCA.
From us normal people, and given to.
I, I love it at Yankee games.
The time warp. That I hate.
Love the time warp, dude.
You would love that.
I, I have danced so hard to the time warp. I remember doing the time warp. The wobble can kill itself.
What's the wobble?
Oh my god, wobble baby, wobble baby, wobble. Dude, that song can fucking pop out its arsenic tooth and chomp down hard. The hokey pokey? If I ever go to a hokey pokey, and I hear the cha, and I hear that song, I'm, I'm rescinding whatever gift I've given to that couple.
I better be at a kindergarten, like, class party or some shit.
Yo, when I was in college, emphasis on the when I was in college.
Uh huh.
The wobble was like, the thing that people did, so like, at like, all like, the fraternity and sorority parties, someone would put it on as a joke, and they were like, the, the cool kids would be like, oh, I can't dance, but I, and I was just like, you guys all suck. Hated it.
Hated the wobble.
They didn't include me.
Crank that, that's fire. Soulja Boy?
Soulja Boy, damn.
Soulja Boy, tell them.
Gangnam Style, the twist. I've never been to a wedding that has the twist.
Oh, I've been to one with the twist, it hits.
And do the twist. I love the twist.
It's good, it's good. Also, a Santa Gato wedding favorite, shout.
That's, I love how you say, I love how you say a Santa Gato, a white wedding favorite. Any white wedding has shout.
Yo, I've been to a lot of weddings where they don't have it.
I don't think I've been to a single wedding that doesn't have shout.
Well, you probably know a lot of deep whites then.
Because I've, I've been to white weddings and they didn't have it and I'm like pissed.
We went to a wedding back in October with the Halloween drinks and there's a video, there's a video, because I had a couple of drinks. And I was emotional. It was a tough night for me, okay?
Frank was...
It's a tough night.
Crying harder than I've ever seen.
Bro, it was crazy. I'm not gonna tell why, but there was...
I'm not gonna tell you why. It was the, it starts with A and ends with, look, haul.
Call.
Look, a call.
Um, but they were, uh, there's a video of them when they did the... And people get down and I'm in the background and I, my shirt's ripped open.
And I'm hanging on my brother and I'm just like...
He's like...
And then there's people...
A little bit softer now.
Yeah, and there are people that are telling, because they won't stop doing that until I get down. There's people yelling at me. They're like, get down! And I was like...
Yeah, I remember.
Yeah, it was a good time.
A little bit louder now, a little bit louder now.
Electric Boogie, what's that?
That sounds familiar.
Boot scootin' boogie, what the hell is that?
What about Happy by Pharrell? How do you feel about that song?
I, so I don't like it for weddings, but like, it's one of Ruby's favorite songs to dance to, so like, because of that, I, I like it. She calls it a happy dancin'.
So she's just, like, it was a thing, like, when she was, like, younger, she would go like... And I go, what? And she go. Happy Thanksgiving. It was so fucking cute.
Your daughter was doing it? Like a weird voice like that?
Yeah, like she was fucking. Oh, hail Paimon, you know, like shit like that. You've never seen fucking, uh, Hereditary? You've seen Hereditary?
Yeah, I have.
Great movie.
I actually just forgot about that.
It's a really, really good movie.
Before we get more into Dinos. Before we get more into the songs, uh, we do have some more sponsors.
I wound up and I was ready to throw my.
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All right, lastly, we have to talk about what is probably the most viral thing in the world right now.
Yeah. Yeah, we know, we know. We know we were getting to this.
Yo, if you guys are living under a rock...
Well, allow us to lift it up and skip it across a pond. Because this is the greatest thing that's hit the internet and I don't even know how long.
Yo, so it's a, it's a, a Spanish version of basically Temptation Island.
And Becca used to watch it. It's like, the idea is like, couples that are kinda shaky go on to a show.
And like, the island, and like, they're supposed to like, have temptation to see if they're strong enough to stay together.
Yeah, they put them in a house, basically they take a couple who's on the rocks, they put them in separate houses, and they surround them with hot, single people. That's like a recipe for...
And not only is it hot, single people, but like, each other's, like, significant others too, right? Like...
I don't really know, oh, I think that everyone's maybe there. Like, a lot of the people who are on the show are there doing the same thing. But there's also single people, I think, I don't...
Just like they throw them in to just, like, just terrorize anybody else?
And it's like, oh, let's see if there's temptation, let's see if we actually, which is the dumbest way...
Let me be very clear about something. I don't care, listen, I, I am well aware, there are different dynamics and different relationships and all that. If you're going on this show, you shouldn't be together.
Period.
It's over.
Period. If the idea's like, "Let's see if we wanna fuck other people on TV to see if we'll stay together." He's nuts.
Let's put a bunch of people in a tropical island house.
In underwear, all the time, and with alcohol.
And cameras.
Yeah, so this thing hit the internet, unbelievable. Uh, this dude Montoya, man, he's really going through it. Basically, for those who don't speak Spanish, I'm raising my hand over here.
I'm just gonna describe what happens in the video, and you guys can kinda see it. I'll give you a rundown of what's going on, but just a preface.
I don't think we can show this.
I mean, maybe we could show some of it.
Be on standby.
Josh, be, uh, be very careful.
Okay, thank you.
Work on, hey, oh, Josh, can I talk to him?
What, what do you need?
Ask him how he's doing.
How, how you doing?
Good.
There's no one there.
So, this dude, his girlfriend is in the other house, and they, well, also what they do on the show, because they are the biggest instigators in the world, they have, like, security cameras everywhere, like.
Everywhere, bro, like, in the toilets, basically.
So they'll, if, if your partner is, like, talking to someone, or they're out on a date with someone, or they're, like, in the pool, and they're getting kinda close, or they're kissing, or whatever's going on, they will sh-show the, your, their partner, a video of it, and he's watching a video of his partner hooking up with someone else.
Yeah, so let's, let's talk. This is a two-minute clip.
Do you, are you gonna give the play-by-play?
Well, yeah, we'll do play-by-play. Welcome back to, uh, San Agato Sports. Frank Alvarez here, here with my cull and commentary. Joe, how you doing?
I'm good.
All right, well, we got our boy Montoya here, and, uh...
You wanna just full screen? Uh, actually, no, leave it like that, it's fine. You can just play it, just play it.
Not a good look.
Just move the mouse.
That's Montoya.
So, yeah, that's Montoya. Um, that's his girlfriend getting kissed.
Well, she, he didn't kiss her there, he licked her mouth.
Which is worse than a kiss?
Way worse than a kiss, dude. Because that has sex behind it.
And right now, he's screaming at the TV.
And she's like, and I think, this guy is fucking...
I'm getting in his underwear.
In his underwear, and I think she says, like, "I wanna go to sleep," and he's like, "All right, let's turn the lights off."
Which is, like, not... Not what you want here. That woman that you're seeing is like the host of the show to my knowledge.
Oh my goodness. Or they might not even be seeing it, but lights go off, Montoya immediately.
Yeah, he's like, no.
He's like, "I'm out." He's pointing to the water, he's like, "I need to go there."
He's like, "I'm gonna go swim across the ocean."
I need to go. And then they put the night vision on.
And then the night vision goes on, of course, and he's still watching.
Now, he is very emotional, as you would be if you watched your partner that you presumably love, you know, a lot.
About to enter the den of the beast.
Whoa.
And there's no way else to describe this as just... Joey, I don't think you've seen steeper hills in Switzerland when you were out there. It's going downhill from here.
Yeah, this is pretty bad. Um, I, I, you know, once you start... Well, and there he goes. He's off to the races. So these, these houses, by the way, are down the beach from each other, so he's running right now.
He's not running, he is in a full sprint.
He's in a sprint, um...
And he's screaming, and then the host is yelling at him, "Montoya, por favor."
"Please come back here."
"Bengaki, por favor."
Yeah. And, uh, he's heading down to the other house to try and stop this hookup from happening. Uh, unfortunately, it is too late.
And let's face it.
He's pulling up to the house right now, and they-
He's screaming.
They cut to, that's where that, that's where-
She is, and then there's just other naked people in the hot tub.
So, they keep cutting back. As he picks up speed on the beach, you could turn it off at this point.
Okay, sorry.
But as he picks up speed on the beach-
She is now getting rabbit fucked by this other guy.
I don't know if she was doing, if she was the rabbit, or he was there. It looks like they switched positions. If you go back and we do a play-by-play here, you could see at one point, Joe-
We're not going back.
Well, you could see at one point that she is on the receiving end of said rabbit fuck, and then does go on top in order to contribute to said-
It's a rough go, for sure.
And like, first of all, the editor?
That guy
Congratulations.
Will never be paid enough for this.
For what? They, I mean crazy, you immediately went with him, it's a man. Just other naked people.
Yeah, I mean, Josh, don't put that in.
No, can't put-
Ant's got a freeze frame right now.
Can't put that in.
But, uh, yeah, it's, it's, it's kinda wild. As, as he's running on the beach and they cut to her, just like, she, it's, it's really like a jackhammering going on.
And what made it worse is as he is sprinting harder.
They're going harder.
It almost, it's almost like his legs are connected to their motion.
There was a weird, like, you know how people say, like, there's, like, weird universal connections, like, we have a connection to the stars, the moon, and just the general feeling of the universe.
However, our creator made us
Put a very specific connection between this man's sprint speed
And them having s- rabbit- rabbit jackhammering coitus.
It's, it sounds like a fucking thunderclap in there, like, it was, it was a lot, and-
And honestly, I would like to see, because, listen.
Maybe if he didn't run so fast on the beach, it would've been slower. Do you know what I'm saying? Or maybe if he started walking backwards, none of this would've ever happened. You know what I mean?
I, there is no possible way that you, as a couple,
Make it out of this.
Out of this.
Is a-.
And you know what, if she, we don't know the other side of the story, we don't know if he was like a real piece of shit or something, it's quite possible.
I did read something that he, like, got a lap dance, so like, this is like payback for that, but we don't, we don't know.
I mean, how do you quantify a lap dance? To like, that's your payback, that's like someone shooting a BB gun at you and then you dropping a megatongue nuke on them.
But again, we don't know, maybe, maybe this dude Montoya deserves this.
I will say this. To- He technically didn't see the actual sex of it all. He took, he took off.
Honestly, good for him.
He took off.
It was a great time to take off.
Cause if you would've saw the rest of that, that TV's coming off the hinges.
Oh my god, and there was another clip where he like kicks a TV or a screen or something like that? And there's more sex in that clip. And it, it was intense.
Here's what I will say, my heart goes out to these people, I hope that they work it out.
I don't, I hope that they go separate ways.
We don't know who's right or wrong in this situation, all I know is that the editing is fire. That's all I know, it's great TV.
Do you think it's like, if he's ever, like if he ever hears like someone loudly having sex, he gets like a form of like?
Maybe, maybe.
It like triggers something in him? Yeah, and he's just like, oh no!
Yeah, yeah, like rain on a tin roof, you're like, oh god, Isaac. This reminds me of when we were on that show.
Absolutely crazy, we wish the best for them as individuals separately, because this is over.
Yeah, I think this-
You can't come back from this as a person.
Yeah, I think so, I think so, that's a rough one.
Cannot.
But we, we, uh, we hope that they're great and good and, uh, you know, it's amazing.
Unbelievable, I mean, go watch the show, I guess, because-
I mean, I think that this show is probably getting like millions and millions of viewers now per episode. These people will be rich forever because of this.
I mean, not these two people, but probably the fucking-
The show.
Producers of the show, yeah.
I mean, no, those two people are also probably gonna be on like every single show.
You know, because you know how I feel, I, I believe all reality TV is staged, I really do.
You know that there are American producers of Temptation Island right now that are just like, guys, on this next season, you need to turn it up. Like they are like, we need to create our own Montoya Porfavor.
You know, or they bring this guy on the show.
That'd be great.
And, oh my goodness.
I mean, actually, this guy's been through enough.
Yeah, he's been through it.
He has been through enough, that is-
They are in the TV Hall of Fame now.
Is that what that is?
The TV Hall of Fame now, like that's-
That just exists in my head, I just may-
What else is in there?
Uh, uh, like Jersey Shore.
So Jersey Shore and Montoya Porfavor are the only two things you could think of in the TV Hall of Fame?
I'm sure there's more, I'm sure there's more.
Give me more!
Fair.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know, like, I, my brain is so mush.
Bro, do you understand?
It's a rough one.
Like, I remember when I was in high school, I had heard that my girlfriend, like, kissed another guy. And I, the crash out that I probably had...
Good use of some Gen Z slang there.
You like that, right? That's a crash, dude! That's a fucking ten-car pileup crash out. That is bad!
That is the definition.
I re, like, I couldn't, I, oh my god.
Like, unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
You can't come back from that!
Well, good on them, I guess. Mantoya.
Alright, well, I think that's, uh, where we can end the video, uh, or the episode.
The video? What the hell you think this is? This is bigger, this is better, this is the Basement Boys, live, large, raw, in the basement!
The birthday episode, I understand.
This was your birthday episode? Happy birthday!
Thank you.
Uh, I don't think-
I appreciate the, the gift.
Well, you know, I, I, the gift that keeps on giving. That's me. And the poem and everything, I, if I'm not gonna do anything else, I'm gonna make you happy for your birthday.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
They're still here!
Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated