Pod Insights So True with Caleb Hearon Taylor Ortega Knows Her Rights About this episode Welcome back! This week’s guest is the hilarious Taylor Ortega! Taylor and Caleb talk growing up in New Jersey, Italian food, the legal system, and at one point they make a phone call to a fan favorite former guest for some advice!
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So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.
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Transcript 15,299 words · 5 speakers
0:01 Speaker 00 This is a HeadGum Podcast.
0:05 Speaker 01 When I was like 19, my boyfriend had this like app and it was very early into apps, like not everyone even had iPhones. And it was like know your rights and he was like, it inquisits you to know your rights. And at the time I didn't understand.
0:15 Speaker 02 Can I just say, it is so funny in the same episode to be like, yeah, I'm trying not to mention my age anymore. And then to be like, I had this boyfriend who had one of the first apps.
0:29 Speaker 02 NYC weather. And we can put this in.
0:34 Speaker 02 Saturday, okay, high of 30.
0:36 Speaker 01 Oh, that's actually, but it's nighttime.
0:38 Speaker 02 Actually, and the low is the highest it's been, the low's been like 15 or 14 the last couple of days, the low's gonna be 25 that night.
0:45 Speaker 01 Okay.
0:45 Speaker 02 Fuck, it's gonna be 40 on Sunday though, that's the weather we needed.
0:48 Speaker 01 At that, to me, can I be honest, marginal.
0:50 Speaker 02 30 and 40 is a big difference, babe.
0:52 Speaker 01 I guess.
0:53 Speaker 02 30 degrees to 40 degrees.
0:54 Speaker 01 The evening.
0:55 Speaker 02 No, but here's what I'll tell you, the party has an outdoor patio.
0:59 Speaker 01 Heat lamps?
1:00 Speaker 02 Uh, yes, so it's like if, whoa, yeah, it's gonna be real cold when we're out there. But the fact is, people will go out there to smoke.
1:06 Speaker 01 They will, it'll be fine.
1:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, it'll be totally fine.
1:08 Speaker 01 I mean, we're wearing coats.
1:09 Speaker 02 Do you know what I've been obsessed with lately? Omakase.
1:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, where they pick for you?
1:14 Speaker 02 Oh my God, I love that they pick for me.
1:16 Speaker 01 Really? That surprises me.
1:17 Speaker 02 I know, I tell them no eel though, I don't like eel, but I like when they bring, cause I would never think to say, hey, can you bring me a little bit of miso on top of a piece of salmon?
1:29 Speaker 01 Ooh.
1:29 Speaker 02 I would never think to do the things that they do.
1:32 Speaker 01 Right, cause you've never made sushi.
1:33 Speaker 02 I've never made sushi, and I don't like when people do that, by the way.
1:36 Speaker 01 Homemade sushi, it's like loose.
1:38 Speaker 02 Ew.
1:38 Speaker 01 It's like really loose.
1:40 Speaker 02 It's loose and it looks bad.
1:41 Speaker 01 It's shaking loose.
1:42 Speaker 02 They're putting like, they're putting like imitation crab meat in there.
1:44 Speaker 01 It's warm as hell, you can see it.
1:46 Speaker 02 Hey, have something else.
1:47 Speaker 01 No worries.
1:48 Speaker 02 Everybody knows someone who has bought in one of those little fucking bamboo roller things and been like, I took a class.
1:53 Speaker 01 I have one.
1:53 Speaker 02 You didn't take enough classes.
1:54 Speaker 01 I have one, I don't think you need a class, well, I've never used it.
1:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, were you planning to? Oh. Gonna make some, gonna make some really loose sushi.
2:04 Speaker 01 I was gonna make some, I thought I could do it tight.
2:06 Speaker 02 Gonna make a, you think?
2:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:07 Speaker 02 I believe you, but I don't like it when people do it.
2:10 Speaker 01 No, I think it's a sushi is a very, no matter what the cost, very fairly priced.
2:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, oh really?
2:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, cuz you're paying for the expertise.
2:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:17 Speaker 01 And the, and the fresh fish.
2:19 Speaker 02 I don't feel that it's always worth the price. I, I will say I've had, I've gotten some sushi bills and been like, hey, whatever happened back there, because-
2:26 Speaker 01 Particularly here.
2:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:27 Speaker 01 Like the sushi here is-
2:29 Speaker 02 Cuz I'm, I'm looking at it and I'm going, that's a ball of rice and a piece of fish laid over it. You can't really tell me that's 25 bucks.
2:35 Speaker 01 You can't.
2:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, and they do, and I pay it.
2:37 Speaker 01 You know what I mean?
2:37 Speaker 02 I, yeah, I'm a, I'm a rube.
2:39 Speaker 01 No.
2:40 Speaker 02 I'm a fool.
2:41 Speaker 01 You're so smart.
2:42 Speaker 02 I'm a simpleton.
2:43 Speaker 01 The other things we're paying for are crazier. Like, to me, it makes total sense cuz it's fresh fish and like, you can't get, like, it has to be a certain way. What we pay for pasta?
2:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:52 Speaker 01 That's disgusting.
2:53 Speaker 02 But you're Italian.
2:54 Speaker 01 I know, but I, I went to Italy. Whispering.
2:57 Speaker 02 Yeah. Why went to Italy?
2:58 Speaker 01 I went to Italy.
2:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:00 Speaker 01 And what I discovered, and I grew, I grew eating a lot of Italian food, what I discovered, I think it's totally overrated. I think Italian food is delicious, amazing, definitely overrated.
3:08 Speaker 02 Really?
3:08 Speaker 01 And definitely for babies.
3:10 Speaker 02 Oh.
3:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:11 Speaker 02 You're gonna go anti-Italy right now?
3:13 Speaker 01 Hmm, yeah.
3:15 Speaker 02 Are you Italian?
3:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:16 Speaker 02 And from New Jersey?
3:17 Speaker 01 And I'm from New Jersey, so we-
3:18 Speaker 02 God, you're such a stereotype, huh?
3:19 Speaker 01 I know, and we ate it like, all, all week long, we ate it.
3:22 Speaker 02 And you're loud as fuck.
3:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know. Not anymore, I'm being really quiet.
3:25 Speaker 02 Are you being, yeah, you're being dainty now. No, I like you loud, I don't want you to go quiet.
3:29 Speaker 01 I think as I get older, it's not cute.
3:31 Speaker 02 Don't shrink yourself.
3:32 Speaker 01 I have to.
3:33 Speaker 02 I get like, really like, fleeing feminism with you?
3:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:36 Speaker 02 I'm like, take up space, queen!
3:37 Speaker 01 I can't. I think it was cute when I was 25 to be screaming all the time.
3:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:42 Speaker 01 And people are like, we love it, we love it. And now I have to sort of shift into kind of being like, see, cuz I, I wanna seem wise.
3:48 Speaker 02 Yeah. Do you think you are wise?
3:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, but, um, yeah, but I think I started from such a, a dumber place in wit, in wisdom. I'm very smart and very witty, but with wisdom, no. I started way, at a weight, big deficit.
4:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:01 Speaker 01 And so, I'm probably as wise as a really mature 27-year-old.
4:05 Speaker 02 Okay.
4:05 Speaker 01 Cuz I had to learn all my lessons firsthand.
4:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting.
4:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:10 Speaker 02 I have a question for you. Do you think this, do you believe in, um, like, when I, when, okay, do you think this is your first time on earth?
4:16 Speaker 01 No, but close.
4:17 Speaker 02 Yeah. Like you've only been here a time or two.
4:19 Speaker 01 And people, strangers will tell me that.
4:21 Speaker 02 I think I've been here one trillion times.
4:24 Speaker 01 You think that many times?
4:26 Speaker 02 I think I might have been one of the first people.
4:28 Speaker 01 You think one of the first?
4:31 Speaker 01 I would put you dead in the middle. Dead in the middle.
4:34 Speaker 02 You think?
4:34 Speaker 01 Dead in the middle.
4:35 Speaker 02 I feel tired, man.
4:37 Speaker 01 For sure.
4:38 Speaker 02 I'm not tired even in a bad way, just, I feel like, I just kind of know, I don't know, I just feel...
4:43 Speaker 01 Well, you're thirty, it's, you're...
4:45 Speaker 02 I'm not thirty.
4:45 Speaker 01 Well...
4:46 Speaker 02 Taylor.
4:47 Speaker 01 You're thirty.
4:48 Speaker 02 I'm about to be.
4:48 Speaker 01 Something happens.
4:49 Speaker 02 Actually, by the time this episode comes out, I will be thirty.
4:51 Speaker 01 You'll be thirty, and I think that what happens is, when you're thirty, you go, "Oh, I don't feel old, but I've been alive a long time. I've seen so many things."
4:59 Speaker 02 And how do you explain the fact that I felt that when I was seven?
5:03 Speaker 01 You do kind of, there's a picture of you, it's a show promo on Molly's fridge.
5:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:08 Speaker 01 And there is an old, sold energy to that child.
5:11 Speaker 02 There's like, very few pictures of me as a child where I look childlike, in the eyes.
5:15 Speaker 01 You're kind of like, you are kind of like, you're like...
5:18 Speaker 02 Yeah. Most pictures of me as a child are me kind of looking like I just got really tough news. And I know how to handle it, you know what I mean?
5:26 Speaker 01 You look like you're working for HR transitioning me out of the job every time I stare at Molly's fridge. And it's big, too, and I, and I look at, I look at him a lot.
5:34 Speaker 02 All my baby pictures are like... Like a guy, I look like, you know when there's like a, a serious baby on the timeline and people are like, "He's got a forty hour a week job?"
5:41 Speaker 01 Yes.
5:42 Speaker 02 And a pension? That's literally how I was.
5:44 Speaker 01 When I see that picture of you, I think if I was that kid's mom, I'd be telling him too much about my life. I'd be asking him for advice.
5:50 Speaker 02 And they did.
5:50 Speaker 01 I'd be leaning on him heavy.
5:51 Speaker 02 My mom did, and so did everyone else's mom.
5:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:54 Speaker 02 I'm literally the kid at the sleepover who, like, all the other kids be playing Playstation. I'd be in the kitchen like, "Sheryl, it's not fair." "He can't do that. He can't do that. If he says he's gonna take you out, he has to take you out."
6:04 Speaker 01 Exactly. That's exactly what it looks like. I'd be like, my boundaries would be bad with that kid.
6:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:11 Speaker 01 I'd be showing him texts, I'd be, you know?
6:14 Speaker 02 Yeah. Oh, I wish I knew, I wish I knew.
6:18 Speaker 01 You wish I was your mom?
6:19 Speaker 02 At the age you are, I wish you were my mom. I wish I knew you at the age you are now, when I was then.
6:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, me too. I often feel that way.
6:27 Speaker 02 That was a beautiful thing to say.
6:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, I often feel, and I've said it out loud. You, you haven't been there, but I've seen the, I've seen that photo, and I go, oh god, I wish that little boy existed now.
6:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's not there.
6:37 Speaker 01 I would cherish him.
6:39 Speaker 02 I, sometimes I get, I try to do the inner child thing, you know, where I'm like, oh, what does my inner child want? And then I'm like, I don't, I think he want, I think he was all good. You know what I mean?
6:48 Speaker 01 He had it all.
6:49 Speaker 02 He, how you say, he had what he needed, you know? Or I'm like, I don't know what that would even look like, when I'm like, oh, I'm gonna heal my inner child. I'm like, he's chilling.
6:56 Speaker 01 What do you think if you had to like, get, take him out for the day now?
7:00 Speaker 02 Take him out for the day?
7:00 Speaker 01 Where would he wanna go?
7:01 Speaker 02 Dude, he would love my life.
7:03 Speaker 01 You think he'd wanna do everything the same?
7:05 Speaker 02 Well, he'd want less emails for sure, but I, I, he would love my life. I eat whatever I want. I go on walks whenever I want. I listen to music all the time.
7:14 Speaker 01 That's true.
7:15 Speaker 02 I have friends, uh, I'm gay.
7:18 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
7:19 Speaker 02 He was really.
7:19 Speaker 01 He would.
7:21 Speaker 02 I knew I was gay really young.
7:22 Speaker 01 Got it, well.
7:23 Speaker 02 Second grade.
7:24 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
7:25 Speaker 02 I remember there was like, it was second or third grade, and there was this kid, I won't say his name, I don't know where he's at in the world now.
7:30 Speaker 01 I'll say his full name.
7:30 Speaker 02 But there was, there was, um, they were doing, you know, everyone would get like married on the playground. Kids are fucking weird.
7:35 Speaker 01 No one ever asked me, but I was, I was getting involved in support ways.
7:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:40 Speaker 01 In support roles.
7:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, trust, trust, I was, I was laying flower petals down for the.
7:43 Speaker 01 What do you guys need me for?
7:44 Speaker 02 For the cute kids to get married, yeah. No one was asking me, but I remember being like, I wanna marry this, this boy. I don't know why they're, why they're like, they're like, Kale, what girl do you wanna marry? And I was like, not really any of them.
7:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, that kinda makes sense for you too, because I do think even like, you just, like, you'd wanna be, you'd wanna be like, I think in a uncomplicated way, be like, I'm married to a boy who like, like the same things.
8:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, huh, what is, what do you mean?
8:06 Speaker 01 Like you got, like, I got referred to you as butch the other day, which I don't think is how you're supposed to refer to gay guys.
8:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:12 Speaker 01 Like, that's a lesbian term.
8:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're just not used to being around gay guys.
8:16 Speaker 01 Um, not for a while. I mean, I used to.
8:17 Speaker 02 It's been a minute.
8:18 Speaker 01 I used to live here, and this is a city of gay guys.
8:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, New York is gay guys.
8:22 Speaker 01 It's gay. New York has a guy, as a person, is a gay guy.
8:25 Speaker 02 It's gay guy headquarters, yeah.
8:26 Speaker 01 It is gay guy HQ.
8:27 Speaker 02 Totally. That's why I moved here.
8:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:29 Speaker 02 You need to meet some of them.
8:30 Speaker 01 And I think LA is lesbian HQ.
8:32 Speaker 02 LA is lesbian HQ because it makes a lot of sense. New York's about going out, that's what gay guys do. LA's about staying in, that's what lesbians do.
8:39 Speaker 01 For sure.
8:40 Speaker 02 Um, except for the lesbians in our life. Not only do they, they, they stay in until they want to do something annoying that I don't want to do. They stay in until it's time to go to paintball or whatever. You guys.
8:49 Speaker 01 We have never paintballed.
8:51 Speaker 02 It's the activities. I don't know, it's just.
8:52 Speaker 01 It is too many activities.
8:54 Speaker 02 It's a revolving door of clowns. I can't keep track of the nicknames. I can't keep track of the hobbies.
8:58 Speaker 01 They're not nicknames.
8:59 Speaker 02 Oh, sorry.
9:00 Speaker 01 They're non-binary.
9:11 Speaker 02 I just can't.
9:11 Speaker 01 That's so New York of you.
9:13 Speaker 02 No, I can't.
9:13 Speaker 01 There's only two genders in New York, for sure.
9:16 Speaker 02 New York is very gender essentialist.
9:17 Speaker 01 Yes, it's so true.
9:18 Speaker 02 Cause there's no time for all this fooey nonsense.
9:21 Speaker 01 It's literally, I mean, yeah, you gotta, you gotta walk fast, it's cold outside.
9:26 Speaker 02 When you're walking fast, who has time to worry about their, their gender?
9:29 Speaker 01 It's not even, and I've never thought about it.
9:31 Speaker 02 Your gender?
9:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:33 Speaker 02 I really have. Have you really not? Be serious.
9:36 Speaker 01 No, of course I have.
9:36 Speaker 02 You think girl? Are you doing girl or just she/her?
9:39 Speaker 01 I'm doing hardcore she/her old fashioned style.
9:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:42 Speaker 01 But somebody's got to, you know, and I'm happy to do it.
9:45 Speaker 02 That's almost alt-right at this point.
9:46 Speaker 01 I know.
9:47 Speaker 02 To just be she/her and like mean it is all, it's like pretty much trad wife.
9:50 Speaker 01 I'm trying to sort of like reclaim it because I have no choice.
9:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, what do you mean?
9:55 Speaker 01 Uh, I got, uh, like, uh, it kinda is what it is.
10:00 Speaker 02 You can do a she there. You might get, you might really get ahead by doing that. Get a short haircut.
10:05 Speaker 01 Oh no, I've done that before. I cut all my hair off. It was ugly.
10:08 Speaker 02 I do not like that for you.
10:09 Speaker 01 It was ugly.
10:10 Speaker 02 You're beautiful with long hair. I can keep it.
10:12 Speaker 01 No, my face couldn't pull it off.
10:14 Speaker 02 Well, you're gorgeous, you can pull off anything, but I just don't, it doesn't feel like, you feel too playful to have a short haircut.
10:18 Speaker 01 Thank you. I, listen, I think I was traumatized the minute I did it. It was really, really ugly. I had a boyfriend at the time and he was so kind about it.
10:27 Speaker 02 Really?
10:28 Speaker 01 But we both knew I looked crazy. Well, usually if you change anything about the way you look, back in my day, back in my day.
10:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:33 Speaker 01 Your boyfriend would have grounds to break up with you.
10:38 Speaker 02 Men could leave you for that back then.
10:39 Speaker 01 Men could leave you for a haircut back then.
10:40 Speaker 02 Men used to be able to leave you for a haircut.
10:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, and sometimes I think I would do it obstinately.
10:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:44 Speaker 01 You know?
10:45 Speaker 02 Well, because you wanted to be with his sister or whatever the fuck, yeah.
10:47 Speaker 01 I know, yeah.
10:48 Speaker 02 You were, yeah, you were doing this to him.
10:49 Speaker 01 His sister.
10:50 Speaker 02 Somebody's sister.
10:51 Speaker 01 But...
10:52 Speaker 02 You wanted to be with somebody's sister.
10:53 Speaker 01 For sure.
10:53 Speaker 02 Not even really. Your whole thing is like, kind of like, you're into like, trans guys that look like Stuart Little.
10:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:01 Speaker 01 Literally.
11:02 Speaker 02 You're into like, proper little trans guys.
11:04 Speaker 01 Literally that.
11:05 Speaker 02 Do you think?
11:06 Speaker 01 Yes. No, that is my like, margin.
11:08 Speaker 02 That's kind of like, that's where you're at these days.
11:09 Speaker 01 That's where I'm at. I mean, that's, I, I've always had, it's so funny, it's, it's really frustra-, I think it's like, really annoying to be gay and have a narrow, like, type, you know? But there is a, a really narrow area of the spectrum and you just really describe very well.
11:21 Speaker 02 Like, when I think of who you are sleeping with these days, it's like a trans guy that would say, "Hiya."
11:26 Speaker 01 Oh my god. They would not say, "Hiya."
11:30 Speaker 02 Like a sweet, earnest, like...
11:30 Speaker 01 A sweet, yeah. Well, but I want someone to be nice to me.
11:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course.
11:34 Speaker 01 At this point in my life, because I am tired.
11:36 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, did you not want people to be nice to you when you were younger?
11:39 Speaker 01 Um, there's always like, and I think like, this is, like, I don't know if this is y'all too, but like, I think for women, there's like, you obviously want someone to be nice to you, but there's like, a, it, it's a very razor-thin line where, not too nice.
11:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:52 Speaker 01 You know?
11:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:53 Speaker 01 Maybe that's trauma, but who cares?
11:55 Speaker 02 I've never wanted someone to be mean to me, but I definitely only recently have become able to accept, uh, healthy love, I think.
12:03 Speaker 01 Yes, and not right away, you know what I mean? Keep it to yourself for a couple months.
12:06 Speaker 02 You got a breadcrumb it.
12:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, you have to breadcrumb a girl like me.
12:09 Speaker 02 Yeah. Um, yeah, I don't want to talk, you know what's funny about this show is, I, you know everything about me because you're my friend.
12:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:17 Speaker 02 But I, strangers know so much about me now. It's a problem what I'm doing.
12:21 Speaker 01 But not true, personal things, like about people in your life, right? Like, about who you're close to.
12:25 Speaker 02 No, but it's like, a lot about my dating and love life, that I'm like, whoa.
12:28 Speaker 01 I, I would really struggle with that.
12:30 Speaker 02 Whoa. Like, I hooked up with a guy who wa-, who was like, treating me a little weird afterwards. It was a casual hookup from Grindr. And he was like, "Hey, just so you know, I'm not looking for anything serious." And I was like, "I, you're like a, you're, I don't know your name. We just fucked from Grindr."
12:43 Speaker 01 You know where he is.
12:44 Speaker 02 But he, but he was, he was like, "Well, I just, I've like, seen the show and I know you kind of talk about like, you're looking for..." And I'm like, "Whoa."
12:50 Speaker 01 But not with you.
12:51 Speaker 02 Whoa, not with you?
12:52 Speaker 01 Not with you.
12:53 Speaker 02 Not with a slut.
12:56 Speaker 01 I'm what a slut who gives it up on the internet.
12:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
13:01 Speaker 01 Different when I do it. Always different when I do it.
13:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, we're both doing this, but you're the slut.
13:06 Speaker 01 Obviously.
13:07 Speaker 02 No, it just, I'm like, people know so much about me. It's weird and I need to stop divulging, I think.
13:12 Speaker 01 Oh, it's you doing it. It's you giving all the information.
13:15 Speaker 02 Yes, I'm sitting here in front of this little microphone.
13:17 Speaker 01 I know.
13:17 Speaker 02 When we started the show, I didn't know people were really gonna listen like that. So now, people, it's getting, you know?
13:23 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
13:24 Speaker 02 Did I ever tell the bartender story on here? I did, I think, about, about how I, I, I mentioned on here that a bartender kind of cock blocked me and the next time I went to the bar, they were like, "Hey, I don't wanna end up on the show again."
13:39 Speaker 01 That's kind of Carrie Bradshaw. I don't know if you've ever heard of Sex in the City?
13:42 Speaker 02 I don't think anyone was reading her column.
13:45 Speaker 01 They definitely weren't.
13:46 Speaker 02 Big definitely wasn't.
13:47 Speaker 01 They, Big definitely wasn't, none of her friends were, cuz she was like naming them every week and talking about them.
13:50 Speaker 02 Big did not like that bitch.
13:52 Speaker 01 No.
13:52 Speaker 02 He did not fuck with her.
13:53 Speaker 01 But that's exactly what I'm talking about.
13:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, she was turned on by it.
13:55 Speaker 01 That's exactly what I'm talking about. And that was the 90s, so it's like, back in the 90s, I would say 80 to 90% had to be mean.
14:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, and also, back in the 90s, a guy who looked like that, like, average at best, could really ruin a beautiful woman's life.
14:09 Speaker 01 100%.
14:09 Speaker 02 Now I feel like-
14:10 Speaker 01 All the guys on that show, it's hard to tell if they're hot.
14:11 Speaker 02 I know, and now I kinda feel like it's, ironically enough, the only one who objectively was hot to me was Steve.
14:17 Speaker 01 I completely agree.
14:19 Speaker 02 And she cheated him like garbage.
14:20 Speaker 01 I know. It's cuz he was like really into her.
14:22 Speaker 02 And that goes back to what we're saying, right?
14:24 Speaker 01 100%, but he was so cute and his little accent.
14:27 Speaker 02 He was so cute and he was so nice and he loved her and I just was like, ugh, if a guy treated me like that, I would be so nice to him, I think.
14:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, I guess we'll see.
14:36 Speaker 02 You look at my 20s and it's like, wow.
14:37 Speaker 01 I know.
14:38 Speaker 02 You look at my 20s and it's like, I had a couple guys treat me like that and I thought they were disgusting.
14:42 Speaker 01 100%.
14:44 Speaker 02 They made me ill.
14:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, it makes, yeah, but that's because of self-hatred, but we worked through that.
14:49 Speaker 02 I don't think it is.
14:50 Speaker 01 What do you think it is?
14:51 Speaker 02 I think it is for you and most other people.
14:52 Speaker 01 Totally, probably.
14:53 Speaker 02 I think for me, it was a complex, layered, understanding of, you know?
15:00 Speaker 01 It's, I do think it is, the rules of supply and demand apply.
15:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:04 Speaker 01 To having a boyfriend.
15:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's, it's supply chain logistics.
15:07 Speaker 01 Supply chain logistics, you have to build demand. I don't want some garbage no one wants.
15:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:11 Speaker 01 I don't care how sexy you are.
15:15 Speaker 02 I don't want some garbage no one wants. Felt like such a harsh but hilarious thing to say.
15:19 Speaker 01 I want some garbage no one wants.
15:21 Speaker 02 Some fucking street trash.
15:22 Speaker 01 I don't care if you're sexy as hell, if nobody else wants to fuck you, why would I?
15:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:27 Speaker 01 You know, and that goes for, I'll be monogamous with someone, but I gotta know that at any moment, you could cheat on me.
15:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, okay.
15:35 Speaker 01 But you won't.
15:36 Speaker 02 But you won't, but the options are there.
15:38 Speaker 01 The options are there and they're throw, they're throwing themselves.
15:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, cuz you're not doing poly, right?
15:43 Speaker 01 I couldn't do it.
15:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's not for you.
15:45 Speaker 01 I couldn't do it. I've done open and I could, you know, but it would really depend. And I would need to be liked the absolute best.
15:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, you need to be the number, the primary for everyone.
15:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, and honestly, if I found out I wasn't, it would, the way it would rock my world.
15:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, I can't do it. I'm serious. When, when, I have really hot guys.
16:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:03 Speaker 02 Have hit me up for casual sex. And when I see that they have a primary partner, I'm like, you are telling me
16:11 Speaker 01 Right.
16:12 Speaker 02 that we're gonna sleep together and then you're gonna go home to your loving husband?
16:15 Speaker 01 And I, and.
16:16 Speaker 02 How about I?
16:17 Speaker 01 Not just that, you're gonna go home to your loving husband and I will not have changed your perspective on the whole thing?
16:21 Speaker 02 No, no.
16:22 Speaker 01 You're gonna spend time with me, the sex is good, I'm hilarious.
16:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:26 Speaker 01 Like, it, it's not gonna, you're gonna go home and you're gonna be like, I can't get joy here anymore.
16:30 Speaker 02 If I'm gonna fuck a poly person, it needs to ruin their life.
16:32 Speaker 01 And well.
16:33 Speaker 02 It needs to destroy their marriage.
16:35 Speaker 01 That's what I think is, and I, neither of us are poly. We're like. We're like, basically what it is.
16:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, so take a look.
16:42 Speaker 01 So basically, that's what it is, is they would try to add you as a partner.
16:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:46 Speaker 02 I just, but I don't wanna be like the thing that's like, cuz a lot of them, they have that primary thing that they're like, this is my forever person, we locked it down, anyone else can come in and out. I feel like that's a lot of what I see in poly.
16:55 Speaker 01 Oh, it's not, I don't know if it's supposed to be like that.
16:58 Speaker 02 It might not be, it might not be how it's supposed to be or how it even is for a lot of people. That's just what I'm encountering. And I'm like, I can't, that is so, I can't be number three on the call sheet.
17:06 Speaker 01 No, also, I can't really, I would really struggle. To casually understand, I think committed, I understand, and maybe those two mix. I can't imagine being, feeling serious about that many people, and I know there's people who can, but I need, I'm not making a commitment unless I'm obsessed with you.
17:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, I need serious lead.
17:24 Speaker 01 I need to be like, absolutely, some things like, I'm a little sick, like you ruined my brain chemistry. I'm doing things that are uncharacteristic, like that's the way you're getting me to.
17:33 Speaker 02 That might be something to look into.
17:34 Speaker 01 Nah, feels so good.
17:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, okay.
17:37 Speaker 01 It feels so good.
17:38 Speaker 02 Well, you're in New York.
17:39 Speaker 01 I love it here.
17:40 Speaker 02 You do love it here.
17:41 Speaker 01 I miss it here a lot.
17:41 Speaker 02 Why not just move back?
17:43 Speaker 01 You know, I'm coming for the summer, and I think that'll really feel like I'll be here the whole summer, and I think that'll fulfill that, kind of.
17:51 Speaker 02 I really feel that you're moving back. I feel that most of our friends are moving here.
17:54 Speaker 01 You feel that?
17:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:55 Speaker 01 And you don't think that's just because you moved here?
17:59 Speaker 01 You don't think that has anything to do with your personal experience?
18:02 Speaker 02 I just feel that, I, you know what it is?
18:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:05 Speaker 02 I will grant you yes.
18:07 Speaker 01 Okay.
18:07 Speaker 02 I will grant you, I will grant you, I will grant you.
18:13 Speaker 01 A spellful yes, stop, full stop.
18:14 Speaker 02 Sure, I bet that me moving here has something to do with it. But I don't think it's, so a lot of people go, oh, Caleb thinks that everyone's gonna move to where he lives because he lives there.
18:26 Speaker 01 Right.
18:26 Speaker 02 And actually, I think I live here because everyone was gonna move here.
18:31 Speaker 01 You have your finger on the pulse.
18:32 Speaker 02 I'm the prime mover in the situation.
18:34 Speaker 01 You're like one of those like people who are like, I'm a culture forecaster or whatever.
18:37 Speaker 02 I see, I see where everything's headed. I look at the big picture, and I go, I'll go ahead and settle that land.
18:43 Speaker 01 Say that about New York?
18:46 Speaker 01 You're like, it's the next big city.
18:48 Speaker 02 Well, no, but you know what I mean? We were all in LA, and it was cute, you know? We had, we have a lot of fun out there.
18:53 Speaker 01 Yes. LA has struggled to keep its script on people, I do think, which is interesting.
18:58 Speaker 02 You know, I, in our friend group, I, I was the first person ever.
19:02 Speaker 01 To move there.
19:03 Speaker 02 To say, to say, hey, it might be time for New York.
19:06 Speaker 01 You kind of did open sort of like a wayward home for LA transplants for a moment.
19:11 Speaker 02 For a moment, for a moment, I was any.
19:14 Speaker 01 Halfway house.
19:14 Speaker 02 Any lesbian who moved to LA knew they had a, a, a piece of bread and a cot.
19:19 Speaker 01 And an unlocked door.
19:20 Speaker 02 Oh, god, people hate, well, I shouldn't be talking about that.
19:23 Speaker 01 What? Oh, yeah, don't mention, well, here you can't do that.
19:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:26 Speaker 01 You must have to constantly be unlocking the door now.
19:30 Speaker 01 This is Kayla.
19:31 Speaker 02 Hi.
19:32 Speaker 01 Come on, they don't even make doors that stay unlocked in New York City.
19:35 Speaker 02 They do.
19:36 Speaker 01 You found like the one apartment.
19:37 Speaker 02 I found the one. Well, I, you know, my front, my door to my building, I keep locked and we'll keep all this in. Actually, I don't care.
19:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:44 Speaker 02 I really don't care. I don't care.
19:44 Speaker 01 Say the address.
19:45 Speaker 02 I don't care. I don't lock my doors. Break into my fucking house.
19:48 Speaker 01 For sure.
19:49 Speaker 02 Break into my fucking house. You won't. I don't care.
19:50 Speaker 01 And here's what I will say. I live where you used to live.
19:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:53 Speaker 01 And we lock the door compulsively now.
19:54 Speaker 02 But when I lived there, we did not.
19:55 Speaker 01 Not for a year. You did not and nothing happened.
19:59 Speaker 02 Do you know what drives me insane? When, when I'm in the, when I'm in the house and someone has come over, a visitor and they lock the door behind them and then another guest comes and I have to go unlock the door.
20:09 Speaker 01 Right.
20:09 Speaker 02 What is this? Is this fucking Azkaban? What's going on?
20:13 Speaker 01 They're locking them in. They're locking them in. I do find it frustrating now when people will show up and you've established that the door is unlocked.
20:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:20 Speaker 01 And our friends will try to open the door and like halfway break it.
20:23 Speaker 02 They're clicking in the windows.
20:24 Speaker 01 And I go, first of all, no, don't, don't bring the presumptive energy to the front door. You're gonna break it.
20:30 Speaker 02 Yeah. I just.
20:31 Speaker 01 How are they all strong all of a sudden?
20:32 Speaker 02 I think locked doors are very conservative.
20:35 Speaker 01 For sure. I think for me, it's like I'm, I'm having, if I sleep on my back, I'm having intruder dreams 24/7. I'm having sleep paralysis, intruder dreams.
20:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:44 Speaker 01 So I have to.
20:44 Speaker 02 What about if you sleep on your side?
20:46 Speaker 01 Not as much.
20:46 Speaker 02 Okay.
20:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:47 Speaker 02 That's weird. What is that about?
20:49 Speaker 01 Ah, I have too much to solve. Can't get there yet.
20:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, no worries on that.
20:52 Speaker 01 And I'm only sleeping like two hours a night. So what am I, it's like such a small part of the day.
20:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, okay.
20:57 Speaker 01 I have a question. When you and CG lived together, did you guys sleep on the couch together every night?
21:02 Speaker 02 No, and if you guys are doing that, I need you to stop.
21:05 Speaker 01 We need to stop.
21:06 Speaker 02 You guys are too old for that.
21:07 Speaker 01 No, I know. It's really, it's, don't tell them how old I am on here.
21:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
21:11 Speaker 01 But it is really bad.
21:12 Speaker 02 You guys are too old to be doing that. Your back can't handle it.
21:14 Speaker 01 Like what if I have a kid in five years and then the kid needs to get on there?
21:16 Speaker 02 That couch is nice though, huh?
21:17 Speaker 01 It's so nice.
21:19 Speaker 02 I, I left that.
21:20 Speaker 01 It's not, it's not, it doesn't look nice.
21:23 Speaker 02 No, it's ugly.
21:24 Speaker 01 It's the ugliest thing.
21:25 Speaker 02 God, is it comfortable. It's not the ugliest thing.
21:28 Speaker 01 It's really ugly.
21:28 Speaker 02 Let's take a relax on that.
21:29 Speaker 01 It's really ugly.
21:30 Speaker 02 Let's take a relax on that. It looks, what it looks like really is it belongs in the finished basement of a Midwestern home.
21:36 Speaker 01 And I don't know anything about that.
21:38 Speaker 02 The Midwesterners listening will know.
21:40 Speaker 01 I've never been in a Midwestern basement.
21:42 Speaker 02 It's a big bluish gray sectional.
21:44 Speaker 01 Yep. Well, it's grayish gray.
21:46 Speaker 02 But it's got blue undertones.
21:48 Speaker 01 It's cool toned gray.
21:49 Speaker 02 It's cool toned gray. That's what I'm saying. It's like one of the, yeah.
21:51 Speaker 01 It's on a warm gray.
21:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
21:53 Speaker 01 Not taupe.
21:53 Speaker 02 You got a problem with me? You got a problem with my couch?
21:56 Speaker 01 You bought the couch?
21:57 Speaker 02 I did buy the couch and I left it there for free.
21:59 Speaker 01 I traded Ally my couch.
22:02 Speaker 02 No one in that arrangement had permission to do that.
22:04 Speaker 01 Oh, I gave away like an expensive couch.
22:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's crazy.
22:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:08 Speaker 02 My couch was also expensive and I gave it away to your home.
22:11 Speaker 01 Oh, that's nuts. So I actually feel like we both got scams.
22:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm kind of wondering that you and I maybe, Ally and CG maybe screwed us out of some couches.
22:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, and probably more stuff.
22:19 Speaker 02 This is sick.
22:20 Speaker 01 That's really sick.
22:20 Speaker 02 Do you think this is interesting for the listeners?
22:22 Speaker 01 No, they don't know who these people are.
22:23 Speaker 02 We're deep in the politics of our couches.
22:24 Speaker 01 You guys don't know who these people are.
22:26 Speaker 02 They might. Ally and CG, you've heard their laughs on the podcast a lot.
22:28 Speaker 01 That's true.
22:29 Speaker 02 And someday they'll have episodes.
22:30 Speaker 01 We should, we'll put their heads.
22:32 Speaker 02 Right here.
22:32 Speaker 01 Right here?
22:33 Speaker 02 Ally's head. That's cute.
22:35 Speaker 01 That is really cute.
22:36 Speaker 02 Someday they'll be on the show.
22:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:37 Speaker 02 They need to fucking earn it.
22:38 Speaker 01 What should they do? What do you want them to do? You made me do some sick stuff to be here.
22:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, and they need to do the same sick stuff.
22:45 Speaker 01 No.
22:46 Speaker 02 Everyone has to do the same sick stuff to get on the show. This is Hollywood.
22:48 Speaker 01 I'm really scared.
22:49 Speaker 02 This is Hollywood. Blood sacrifice type shit.
22:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would do like any type, any, pretty much anything.
22:54 Speaker 02 Oh, I wish I got invited to a blood sacrifice in Hollywood.
22:56 Speaker 01 Blood sacrifice, fine. Obviously, there's other stuff I wouldn't be comfortable with.
23:01 Speaker 02 Oh, okay. What would you not be comfortable with?
23:02 Speaker 01 I couldn't do the Diddy party stuff.
23:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, so you wouldn't?
23:05 Speaker 01 I would have to, right, I would have to be a whistleblower.
23:08 Speaker 02 Skip it, yeah.
23:09 Speaker 01 I'll be honest, I don't think I'd get invited.
23:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, because you have narc energy.
23:13 Speaker 01 And I'm old. Why would you want me there?
23:14 Speaker 02 You're old as fuck and you tell on people.
23:17 Speaker 01 I'm constantly blabbing my own information on here. I'm first naming people.
23:22 Speaker 02 Someone goes, should we invite Taylor to the party? And they go, she's old as fuck and she tells.
23:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, she tells.
23:27 Speaker 02 She tells? No. Get someone young who knows how to keep their mouth shut. That is, I mean, that is exactly what they're looking for. That's like, yeah.
23:37 Speaker 01 I'd be like, it felt wrong.
23:38 Speaker 02 It is really funny how everyone who was in that circle seemingly knew that that stuff was going on and they were all cool with Diddy.
23:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:46 Speaker 02 And then the second that enough news sites, uh, kind of said like, no, he's guilty of doing really weird shit, everyone was like, he's done.
23:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:54 Speaker 02 I'm like, wow, but you guys all seemed to have that information before.
23:57 Speaker 01 They did have that information.
23:58 Speaker 02 And you were just cool with it.
23:59 Speaker 01 I mean, I don't know because obviously we didn't grow up in Hollywood, but I wonder if that's like, if you just see it be normal and you think, oh, like...
24:08 Speaker 02 Everyone's doing freak-offs.
24:09 Speaker 01 Everyone's doing freak-offs.
24:10 Speaker 02 By the way, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible.
24:14 Speaker 01 Name is the only thing I like about it.
24:17 Speaker 02 Can't happen, has to stop.
24:18 Speaker 01 I'm not okay with what's going on there.
24:20 Speaker 02 Go to prison, bad, bad, bad. Name is sick. Freak off is, ah, come on. That's fucking tight. You know what I mean?
24:28 Speaker 01 When I hear freak off, I think of someone like doing the worm.
24:31 Speaker 02 That's cause, I was gonna say, as, as old comedians who came up in improv, freak off for us, we're like, oh my god.
24:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, it sounds like an improv worm up.
24:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, they're doing like a dance circle at a wedding.
24:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, and then you find out what it is and you go, oh.
24:43 Speaker 02 Oh.
24:43 Speaker 01 Oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:45 Speaker 02 Let's, hey, let's turn the freak off.
24:46 Speaker 01 Whoa.
24:47 Speaker 02 Let's turn the freak off.
24:49 Speaker 01 Thank you.
24:49 Speaker 02 Lower the knob.
24:50 Speaker 01 And that's your official stance?
24:51 Speaker 02 Yeah. Would you ever run for office?
24:54 Speaker 01 I was thinking yesterday on the flight, that I would be so incredible at politics.
25:00 Speaker 02 Really?
25:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:01 Speaker 02 That's interesting. Why?
25:03 Speaker 01 I just kind of talk to, to talk and I don't really feel one way or the other about what I'm saying, which can be a huge liability, but also I think amazing politically.
25:12 Speaker 02 You're also, you're very, you're very charming in a way that, all of our friends are charming, but you're charming in a way that's very like, I, I don't, there's something about you. There's something about you that you feel very, um, I'm trying to pin it down. There's something that specifically about you that lines up with what you're saying, where it's like, I feel that I could say anything to you and you would allow it.
25:34 Speaker 01 Oh, a hundred percent.
25:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:36 Speaker 01 I think it's my natural curiosity. I go, oh, let's entertain everything for a second.
25:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:40 Speaker 01 Let's entertain everything for a second, but I do land on stuff eventually. I do, I do have kind of what my therapist would call a strong sense of justice.
25:48 Speaker 02 Okay.
25:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:49 Speaker 02 Interesting.
25:49 Speaker 01 So ultimately I would have to come around on something, but in the meantime, say whatever, I want to hear it.
25:54 Speaker 02 Your therapist is giving you compliments?
25:56 Speaker 01 Um, I think that was more of a diagnosis.
25:58 Speaker 02 Okay.
25:58 Speaker 01 I think that's neurodivergent coded language.
26:01 Speaker 02 You're neurodivergent.
26:03 Speaker 01 Um, and we can, and we can cut that.
26:04 Speaker 02 Do you want me to cut that?
26:05 Speaker 01 Oh, we can, no, I don't care.
26:06 Speaker 02 Neuro.
26:07 Speaker 01 No, I'm, I think I vote.
26:08 Speaker 02 Everyone's neurodivergent these days.
26:10 Speaker 01 One hundred percent.
26:11 Speaker 02 Whatever happened to just be.
26:12 Speaker 01 I'm gonna be cisgendered and not neurodivergent.
26:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:15 Speaker 01 Absolutely not in this, no, no.
26:16 Speaker 02 What, am I the first lady?
26:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, thank you.
26:19 Speaker 02 What neurodivergence do you have?
26:21 Speaker 01 ADHD, so ultimately at the end of the day.
26:23 Speaker 02 It's barely anything, right?
26:24 Speaker 01 It's barely anything. Um, it's been mostly in, in my adult life, amazing for me.
26:30 Speaker 02 You're ADHD?
26:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, for sure.
26:33 Speaker 02 I will say.
26:34 Speaker 01 My rebound rate is like that.
26:36 Speaker 02 Love to everybody, but some of the conversation around neurodivergence.
26:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:39 Speaker 02 Lately, people are acting like they have stage four cancer.
26:42 Speaker 01 Absolutely.
26:43 Speaker 02 Because they like can't focus on a book for a little bit.
26:45 Speaker 01 100%.
26:46 Speaker 02 It's like, you're go- I love you to death.
26:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:47 Speaker 02 You're gonna be okay.
26:49 Speaker 01 Oh, totally.
26:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
26:50 Speaker 01 Well, I also feel like it's kind of like, there was like six years I didn't read a book.
26:56 Speaker 02 Okay, it's crazy. You just completely changed my opinion. Maybe we need to, maybe we need to start taking this shit seriously.
27:04 Speaker 01 Six years I didn't read a book.
27:05 Speaker 02 Never mind. I was wrong. I was wrong. I tried something on. I was wrong. We need to take this seriously.
27:10 Speaker 01 I moved to this city and I would start looking at Twitter on the train.
27:14 Speaker 02 Oh, God. Twitter ruined a generation of mine, mine included.
27:17 Speaker 01 It did.
27:17 Speaker 02 I'm dumb.
27:18 Speaker 01 Well, you were kind of like the mascot of Twitter for a second.
27:20 Speaker 02 I was really, I was, in college, when I was supposed to be studying, I was on Twitter.
27:25 Speaker 01 You were on there.
27:25 Speaker 02 Our, all of our smart, all of our people that were supposed to be our next smart people are dumb now.
27:29 Speaker 01 I know.
27:30 Speaker 02 And it's because of that website.
27:31 Speaker 01 I was getting my news there for a minute.
27:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's where you got your news. That's crazy.
27:34 Speaker 01 I didn't want to be left out of anything.
27:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, I wanted to know everything at the moment.
27:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:37 Speaker 02 You were there for Peanut Butter Baby and all of it.
27:39 Speaker 01 I wa- I've been there from, the other day I made an internet reference that people didn't get. I go, it's time to lock that one up.
27:45 Speaker 02 Hey, put that one in the bin under the bed. Lock that one up. Put that in the storage container.
27:49 Speaker 01 I'm trying to not, I made a Saved by the Bell reference, uh.
27:52 Speaker 02 Jesus Christ. You may as well reference like a cave drawing.
27:56 Speaker 01 And, yeah, and it's really hard if you're like, if you have a little age gap in dating and you make a Saved by the Bell reference and that person goes, I had to Google it.
28:04 Speaker 02 Oh, no.
28:05 Speaker 01 I know. And I'm trying, people have been telling me not to say my age as much on camera, so I'm trying to do that less.
28:12 Speaker 02 That's stupid. Why?
28:13 Speaker 01 I don't really know. I don't really feel like one way or the other about it, but.
28:16 Speaker 02 People are so funny about age.
28:18 Speaker 01 I know.
28:18 Speaker 02 Especially in acting. Like, don't let them know that you're 30, whatever. It's like.
28:21 Speaker 01 I know, it's like it ruins the.
28:23 Speaker 02 Who gives a fuck?
28:24 Speaker 01 I know.
28:25 Speaker 02 Also, I want, the biggest threat to acting is not that people know your age. The biggest threat to acting of our lifetime is plastic surgery. Everyone looks insane.
28:33 Speaker 01 Everyone looks crazy, but it's my favorite thing to talk about. I'm obsessed with it. I know all the stuff.
28:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:37 Speaker 01 I've gotten really good at spotting it.
28:39 Speaker 02 So you're, so you can look at a face and be like, brow pull, tuck lift.
28:43 Speaker 01 Kind of, yeah, especially like before and after in celebrities, yes.
28:45 Speaker 02 Really?
28:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think it's like, um, we just have to kind of like, it's happening. They're all doing it, especially like the really famous ones.
28:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:53 Speaker 01 The faces look different. Let's just be normal about it. You didn't have eyelids before and now you have eyelids? Come on.
28:58 Speaker 02 Something to talk about.
28:59 Speaker 01 We have, come on.
29:00 Speaker 02 I ju, everyone looks insane. I'm not on board. I don't care. I don't, there's like this like, there's this like faux, there's this like crypto progressive wave of people being like, it's your body, you can do whatever you want. You can and you look insane.
29:11 Speaker 01 You look crazy.
29:12 Speaker 02 Please, God, just age and have weird stuff about your body.
29:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:15 Speaker 02 My teeth look like shit. I've got a little skin tag right here.
29:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:18 Speaker 02 I've got weird coloring on my face sometimes.
29:20 Speaker 01 We're getting into like dysmorphia territory.
29:23 Speaker 02 No, I'm like a human being. I like, I like the way I look. I'm just like, why? And by the way, maybe someday I will want to change one or two of those things. I don't know. I'm not holding myself to it, but like, why are people going at young ages, by the way, people in their early twenties?
29:36 Speaker 01 Thirties facelifts.
29:38 Speaker 02 Crazy.
29:38 Speaker 01 Thirties facelifts and a lot of people doing it.
29:40 Speaker 02 What is so wrong about looking the way you look?
29:42 Speaker 01 What's really crazy is, I guess I, in person, it does, that's an LA thing that you don't realize kind of happens slowly is you're seeing a lot of work and not realizing it.
29:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:51 Speaker 01 And then I'll come back here and I'll see like a family member, like someone in their sixties. And it's almost like my eyes were dehydrated and I'm like drinking gulping water for the first time. It's like gorgeous stunning wrinkles on the face.
30:04 Speaker 02 It's beautiful.
30:05 Speaker 01 It really is. Like, and it shocks you because when I lived here, I didn't think about it or aging would scare me. And then you go somewhere where people aren't aging and it doesn't look better.
30:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:14 Speaker 01 It looks different. It's its own third thing. And so it's sort of like, it's not young, it's not old.
30:18 Speaker 02 It's a different category. It's like you, you built a face for pictures. And then in real life, it's not translating. Your face is not translating to real life.
30:26 Speaker 01 Yes, it's not.
30:27 Speaker 02 It's only translating to screen.
30:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:29 Speaker 02 And Instagram screen specifically, not film screen. You look insane in the movies as well.
30:32 Speaker 01 You look insane in the movies.
30:33 Speaker 02 It's crazy. I like when people look their age. I don't, all these, all these compliments that people are like, oh, my least favorite is when they're like, white people who are unproblematic age really well. I'm like, I am unproblematic and I'm going to age like shit.
30:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:44 Speaker 02 And I'm looking forward to it.
30:45 Speaker 01 Well, that, what people are describing when they say that is you're, you just can't tell that that person has plastic surgery.
30:50 Speaker 02 Right.
30:50 Speaker 01 And that's okay, but just like.
30:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's not because they have cool opinions on like race relations.
30:55 Speaker 01 No.
30:55 Speaker 02 It's because they have a really good doctor.
30:56 Speaker 01 They got a blepharoplasty.
31:03 Speaker 02 You really do know the names. That's crazy. Would you, do you have any?
31:06 Speaker 01 Um, procedures?
31:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:07 Speaker 01 No, I'll tell you what I've done.
31:09 Speaker 02 Okay.
31:09 Speaker 01 I've gotten Botox, twice.
31:11 Speaker 02 Why? Where?
31:12 Speaker 01 Um, for curiosity, I got it in my forehead. Um, and also one time a friend told me not to do it, and I have an obstinate streak and I had to try it.
31:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:21 Speaker 01 Um, I did it. I didn't really care for it. I found that it, ah, no one noticed, but I felt that my heart valves were like, you know, I felt I looked smooth and crazy. And so I didn't really, I was panicking. It actually really made me feel stressed. Um, and then the only other thing I've done is Sculptra, which is they inject like beet sugar into your face and-
31:40 Speaker 02 Beet sugar?
31:41 Speaker 01 Beet sugar.
31:41 Speaker 02 See this is what the fuck I'm talking about. That's insane.
31:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:43 Speaker 02 For what? For purpose?
31:45 Speaker 01 Um, okay, here we go. So basically when you like are 27, your body stops creating its like own collagen anymore, which is like what gives your skin the elasticity. And so if you inject the beet sugar into your face, it irritates your, underneath your skin and it, and it makes your body start to repair itself, which makes it create collagen.
32:04 Speaker 02 That's crazy.
32:04 Speaker 01 It's crazy.
32:05 Speaker 02 That's fucking nuts. And you did that?
32:06 Speaker 01 I did that, yeah.
32:07 Speaker 02 And how did it feel?
32:08 Speaker 01 Well, I, I kind of was just kind of feeling like, oh, I look better. Like I just feel like my skin looks better. Like, okay, maybe I wouldn't do it again, but it looks good. I did it like as a birthday gift. Um, and then I saw it before and after myself and I said, actually, that looks really good.
32:22 Speaker 02 Yeah?
32:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:23 Speaker 02 So you think you'll keep doing it?
32:25 Speaker 01 You don't really have to do it again for like years and years unless you want to.
32:28 Speaker 02 Oh, well, you are beautiful.
32:29 Speaker 01 Thank you.
32:30 Speaker 02 But you would be beautiful without beet sugar.
32:31 Speaker 01 Well, it's already in there.
32:32 Speaker 02 Okay, no worries.
32:33 Speaker 01 Nothing we can do.
32:34 Speaker 02 You were beautiful before.
32:35 Speaker 01 Nothing we can kind of do.
32:35 Speaker 02 You were beautiful before and after beet sugar.
32:37 Speaker 01 Sometimes I'll get on a, you know, like a wild hair and I'll say, maybe I want really big boobs or something.
32:43 Speaker 02 You think?
32:43 Speaker 01 Um, I don't think I'd want them all the time. That's the problem.
32:46 Speaker 02 I gotta be honest, my, my thing about it is less, and maybe, maybe I'll learn that I don't even feel these ways. But my thing about it, I think is that, to me, breast, any breast stuff, or any like, yeah, that stuff I don't care about, like getting bigger, smaller boobs, whatever. Specifically to me, it is the face and the teeth. That's the thing that really gets me going.
33:07 Speaker 01 Teeth are tough.
33:08 Speaker 02 I'm not gonna tell a person they shouldn't get breast implants, and I'm also, it, I don't know. It, it, I guess it kinda pushes up against a weird boundary when I'm like, well, never mind when a friend gets like facial feminization surgery when they're transitioning or something. That makes sense to me. So maybe it's like a gender-affirming thing, and maybe my opinions are behind.
33:23 Speaker 01 Right, could I as a cisgendered woman affirm my gender with like, a very gradual nose job that I do over a couple of years?
33:30 Speaker 02 Maybe, maybe I'm wrong to think that that's funny, you know what I mean?
33:34 Speaker 01 Well, I think the choices that people, that like women are making, it is anti-aging, I do think they're like, this is what's tough about it. It is, it can, it's not the same thing, but it is kind of gender-affirming in the sense that like, there are unfortunately a lot of beauty trends for women, and a lot of, it used to be like body stuff. And now it is like face and plastic surgery stuff across the board is like, when everyone was getting this, this fat taken out.
33:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, buckle.
33:57 Speaker 01 That was a trend, and I do think we're gonna look back and be like, uh-oh, we can't put that back in.
34:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's crazy.
34:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't know, I guess it's more, I guess what I'm saying is it's less, my thing is less of a prescription for everyone else, I'm not saying, don't get plastic surgery.
34:10 Speaker 01 For sure.
34:10 Speaker 02 I'm saying, I am voicing a feeling that I'm having, which is that it's making me feel fucking insane.
34:14 Speaker 01 Yes.
34:15 Speaker 02 To see so many fake faces.
34:16 Speaker 01 I would love it if we could have a pact where we say, we're all not gonna do it, like a no-buy month or something, but everyone not getting plastic surgery, but people will lie. And that's, lying is a huge part of plastic surgery.
34:28 Speaker 02 Lying is so huge. Okay, you know so much about operations and what does what.
34:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:31 Speaker 02 What would you prescribe to me?
34:33 Speaker 01 Oh my gosh, okay, well, just like kinda for fun, what should we do?
34:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:37 Speaker 01 Okay, um, oh my god, okay, well.
34:41 Speaker 02 Not you lighting up, by the way.
34:43 Speaker 01 Well, I love talking, here's the ones I really know about.
34:45 Speaker 02 I really, oh, that hurt.
34:46 Speaker 01 I'll give you, I'll give you some and you can pick.
34:48 Speaker 02 Okay.
34:48 Speaker 01 So, the one I mentioned, a blepharoplasty, I do think is a really popular one right now. It is one that is for older people.
34:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:55 Speaker 01 And it's when your kind of eyelid skin gets heavy, and you can't see. So they'll cut a little sliver of skin off of your eyelids, but what's happening is like, younger people are doing it to sort of like, open up the face a little, or it's like, I think it's like a sty, like a style.
35:10 Speaker 02 And you would have me do that?
35:12 Speaker 01 No, I don't think you should cut a piece of your eyelids out.
35:15 Speaker 02 But you're giving it to me as an option?
35:16 Speaker 01 I'm giving you that as an option, so you could do that.
35:18 Speaker 02 Okay.
35:19 Speaker 01 You could also do an egregious amount of facial filler, and we're talking, and this is kind of on the outs.
35:24 Speaker 02 Filler?
35:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, filler, go crazy.
35:26 Speaker 02 Okay, my face feels pretty full.
35:30 Speaker 02 I've got like a pretty full like-
35:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you could throw it in places you would never guess.
35:34 Speaker 02 Was this cute, by the way?
35:35 Speaker 01 It's, that's what the picture on the fridge looks like.
35:37 Speaker 02 Okay, cute. Let's get into it.
35:39 Speaker 01 Um, yeah, you could do, you could do like big, hard cheeks.
35:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:43 Speaker 01 Or, this is another crazy thing, there's filler, and then there's also like hard implants, like a full, like a chin, a cheek, like a, we're, yeah, we're talking like big implants, but, yeah. The face is small, though.
35:58 Speaker 02 I feel pretty stressed out by all this.
36:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's crazy. The deeper you get, I'm kind of grotesquely obsessed with it.
36:04 Speaker 02 You are, and I, but I think that's really interesting. It's actually something I don't think much about, and I've been really intrigued by your knowledge of it. And, yeah, of course, a little scared.
36:12 Speaker 01 I like to know, because I like to identify. Like, I like to know that, I like to be able to see it and identify it, so that I know that that's not that person's face, like, as I think that that's important to me.
36:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:23 Speaker 01 When I kind of, after I turned thirty, I was, got really scared that the way I used to feel about like picking my body apart all the time, I was gonna start to feel about getting older.
36:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:31 Speaker 01 And it was just like, oh, I spent my whole life like trying to not like do that to my body, so now I'm just gonna like switch gears and do it about getting older? That sucks.
36:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:40 Speaker 01 I'm never gonna enjoy or like feel neutral about the way I look, or just like like having a face and a body, like that's, I can't do it, I'm tired.
36:50 Speaker 02 Well, nothing is designed for us to.
36:52 Speaker 01 Right.
36:52 Speaker 02 No, but none of the systems want us to just like-
36:55 Speaker 01 Because they gotta sell us shit, so.
36:56 Speaker 02 Well, it really, and it feels so, there's, you know, there's like things that become so conventionally known that they feel like trite to say, where it's like, the beauty industry wants you to hate the way you look to buy more stuff, but it's like- Yeah, I mean, it's, it feels like, yeah, it's been said a million times. I feel like, and I don't think it makes me smart to know that, but it's like, yeah, dude, it's fucking bleak. It's like they really want us to hate ourselves so much.
37:17 Speaker 01 And they get better and better at it, kind of. I do think it's like worth repeating because they do get better and better at it.
37:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:21 Speaker 01 And also, like, it used to be the, it was like, there was like a big skincare obsession 10 years ago, and now it's like, everyone's getting full-blown surgery and it's casual and it's good and it's well done and it's imperceptible.
37:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:35 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
37:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:36 Speaker 01 And it will be affordable and it will be, like, it is really nuts. Also, it's like, it's like, five, seven years ago, filler, everyone's getting absolutely filled up. There's 23-year-olds absolutely getting like, just non-stop, routine, everything.
37:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:52 Speaker 01 And then they're like, "It's amazing, it goes away, it's hyaluronic acid, it's like, your body needs it."
37:57 Speaker 02 Good impression, good impression, by the way.
37:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's me doing, that's me doing like a beauty med spa.
38:02 Speaker 02 Really good, really good, really good.
38:03 Speaker 01 Respect to the profession, business owners, small business owners. Um, but, it, uh, then like, a year ago, they're like, "Oh, it turns out it stays in your face and it's hard," and it's like, they did like a scan of people's faces who have had filler and it's just like, still in there.
38:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:16 Speaker 01 And it's like painful to dissolve and it's like, "Oh, that's so crazy that they lied to sell you the filler."
38:22 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, I'm gonna become, I'm gonna become a plastic surgeon and start doing real kooky stuff.
38:28 Speaker 01 I would let you kind of go crazy on me.
38:30 Speaker 02 I'm gonna be like, "What's, oh, what's his name, from, uh, Poor Things."
38:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:35 Speaker 02 I'm gonna make a chicken into a duck.
38:36 Speaker 01 I would like, and I know I would like.
38:37 Speaker 02 I'm gonna make a duck into a guy.
38:38 Speaker 01 I don't know if you've seen my tattoos, but...
38:39 Speaker 02 I'm gonna make a guy into a cow.
38:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would let you do that tonight.
38:42 Speaker 02 I'm gonna make a cow into a lady.
38:43 Speaker 01 Well, I would hope, if I...
38:46 Speaker 02 I'm gonna make a lady into a duck.
38:47 Speaker 01 I don't wanna be a duck.
38:48 Speaker 02 Too bad. Don't come to my practice, bitch.
38:51 Speaker 01 I wanna come if other people are going. One time I went to a party, I said, "Ever the people were getting tattoos at, at your house," I said.
38:59 Speaker 02 Make a they/them into a snake.
39:00 Speaker 01 I said, "I'm not, they would love that."
39:02 Speaker 02 You won't have to try very hard.
39:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, make a snake into a they/them. Huh, honey, I've seen that. A they/them, who's a snake? Huh. You ever read A Bushwick?
39:16 Speaker 02 God damn, I'm good.
39:17 Speaker 01 God.
39:18 Speaker 02 I really, I really love that.
39:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:21 Speaker 02 Make a, oh yeah, make a non-binary person into a snake, alright.
39:26 Speaker 01 Save it for, save it for live.
39:27 Speaker 02 Save it for live. I literally, dude, I'm thinking about, I'm thinking about making a, uh, I told Chance, for the tour, I'm, for the So True Live Tour, I don't wanna do, I'm not, I don't wanna do like a stand-up set, cuz it's not, I really wanna focus on like different kind of elements, cuz if I wanna do a stand-up tour, I'll do a stand-up tour.
39:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:44 Speaker 02 But I'm thinking about writing a clean comedy set to open the show about politics.
39:48 Speaker 01 Okay.
39:49 Speaker 02 To do like a clean comedy set about the news of the day.
39:52 Speaker 01 Do you, I feel like, I can't, I guess I don't know what clean comedy is, cuz I would think that you all, that you were, but that can't be true.
39:59 Speaker 02 You think I'm a clean comic? Have you been? Taylor, come on. You don't think that?
40:04 Speaker 01 I guess I'm not either.
40:06 Speaker 02 No, you're not. We don't really know any.
40:08 Speaker 01 No.
40:09 Speaker 02 It's like really just-
40:10 Speaker 01 I guess we don't.
40:11 Speaker 02 It's like Nate Bargatze.
40:12 Speaker 01 You're right. It really just is. God, what-
40:15 Speaker 02 It's only Nate and it's, um-
40:17 Speaker 01 What can you talk about?
40:18 Speaker 02 Fucking Jim Gaffigan.
40:19 Speaker 01 Oh, sure.
40:20 Speaker 02 And that's mostly Catholic.
40:22 Speaker 01 Right, and like, there aren't any of those left anymore.
40:24 Speaker 02 Jim Gaffigan though, you know, there's something about him. He really does turn, he turns nothing into something. We go, oh, I have vacation after work, I'll get ice cream. It's like, yeah, you man, you fucking nailed it.
40:34 Speaker 01 It's a narrow lane.
40:35 Speaker 02 He really is funny.
40:36 Speaker 01 It, it's a, you gotta, I think if we kind of were living that life though, you know what I mean? If we were Catholic, if we were straight, if we were married, if we had-
40:45 Speaker 02 Oh, we gotta go get ice cream.
40:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, if we did, that was good.
40:48 Speaker 02 Thank you.
40:49 Speaker 01 You're working on your Jim Gaffigan doing a woman.
40:52 Speaker 02 I'm working on my Jim-
40:54 Speaker 01 That's not-
40:55 Speaker 02 Sorry, stop what you're doing. I wanna work on my Gaffigan. Oh, how nice.
41:01 Speaker 01 That's really-
41:01 Speaker 02 Right? Sorry, what were you saying? You were doing, you were trying to do something?
41:05 Speaker 01 No.
41:05 Speaker 02 What were you talking about? I wasn't listening to you. I was, I was working on my Gaffigan.
41:12 Speaker 01 Whenever people get upset that I'm not listening to them, I go, well, I don't, I'm sorry, I can't be sorry for that, cuz I don't listen to myself either. I don't know what I'm saying. People repeat things I've said back to me, I'll go, maybe, I, I, I'm not listening.
41:22 Speaker 02 Do you think I'm a good listener? Cuz I think you are a good listener. It's crazy that you're-
41:25 Speaker 01 If I'm locked in, I'm listening.
41:27 Speaker 02 I think you're a good listener.
41:28 Speaker 01 Yeah. Well, I, it's my natural curiosity once again.
41:31 Speaker 02 You are naturally curious and you have a bent for justice, according to your therapist.
41:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, according to my therapist, but-
41:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, but what do they fucking know?
41:36 Speaker 01 I don't know. I'm still deciding if I believe in therapy.
41:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, don't, don't bring it over here. You might find, you might find an answer quickly.
41:43 Speaker 02 No, I think therapy is good. You stay in it.
41:44 Speaker 01 I have to. I've been in it since I was like nineteen.
41:47 Speaker 02 You stay in it.
41:47 Speaker 01 I've been really strong. Don't say it like that. Wait, I'm like really mentally healthy.
41:53 Speaker 02 You don't leave it. You don't leave it, hon. You stay in there.
41:56 Speaker 01 I think I have a strong mental fortitude. I love it for you. Stay there. I lived in the city during the pandemic and I was keeping it locked up tight.
42:03 Speaker 02 Did you bang any pans, be honest?
42:04 Speaker 01 Um, I'm sure I did.
42:06 Speaker 02 Oh, I bet you did.
42:06 Speaker 01 Oh, I do whatever anyone else does.
42:09 Speaker 02 It's not true. It's not true.
42:11 Speaker 01 I'm very, I'm going with the grain. I'm trying. My whole life, I'm really trying hard.
42:17 Speaker 02 I would not have banged pots. I know it.
42:19 Speaker 01 No.
42:20 Speaker 02 Were I here, I know I wouldn't have done it.
42:21 Speaker 01 I can't see you.
42:22 Speaker 02 And the thing is, CG, my roommates would have. And I would have been like, I would have been like, are you fucking kidding me?
42:28 Speaker 01 You wouldn't have gotten riled up even once?
42:30 Speaker 02 I riled up. I would have been very, I would have been deeply upset, but I wouldn't have been like, hey.
42:33 Speaker 01 No, I mean riled up like.
42:34 Speaker 02 Oh, to bang the pots?
42:35 Speaker 01 Yes.
42:35 Speaker 02 No, I think the, um, I think the refrigerator trucks full of bodies would have probably, would have probably.
42:43 Speaker 01 Why? They can't hear.
42:44 Speaker 02 Would have probably dimmed.
42:48 Speaker 02 Might have dimmed my banging the pots and pans energy.
42:50 Speaker 01 It's for the nurses.
42:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're right. Did the nurses want it?
42:55 Speaker 01 I don't know a single nurse, so I can't answer that question.
42:58 Speaker 02 I know one. You want to call her?
42:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:00 Speaker 02 My mom.
43:01 Speaker 01 I think it probably made things better.
43:02 Speaker 02 My mom, Kelly.
43:03 Speaker 01 Oh.
43:04 Speaker 02 She wasn't a nurse in New York, but she's been a nurse for a long time.
43:07 Speaker 01 Were people only banging in New York?
43:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was specifically like you were leaning out the windows in Manhattan to bang for the nurses.
43:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:14 Speaker 02 Let's see what she says.
43:18 Speaker 02 We just called Molly's mom on the pod the other day.
43:20 Speaker 01 Oh, Marg.
43:21 Speaker 02 Marg.
43:25 Speaker 02 Hey, what are you doing?
43:26 Speaker 03 Getting ready to go into work.
43:28 Speaker 02 You've never worked a day in your life.
43:31 Speaker 03 Well, I told you I'm turning over a new leaf in twenty twenty-five.
43:34 Speaker 02 Um, that's really cute. Hey, you're on the podcast right now. I wanted to ask you a question. Is that okay? So as a nurse, which you are, when people during COVID in New York were leaning out their windows, banging pots and pans in support of nurses, would you, as a nurse, have found that, would you have found that helpful and inspiring?
43:57 Speaker 03 Yes.
43:59 Speaker 02 Are you sure?
44:01 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think I would have. I think, I think just the fact that they were realizing that nurses were doing a very difficult job and that basically we were putting our lives on the line. You know, if they want to bang pots and pans or smoke a joint or whatever they want to do in our honor, I think, kudos.
44:18 Speaker 02 God, that, you, uh, you've made me look very bad.
44:24 Speaker 02 You've made me look very, you've made me look very bad in this moment. Well, I just had an opposite opinion, but you totally changed my mind and, um, I just wanna, I just wanna thank all the healthcare workers out there and, um, love you to death, Kel.
44:40 Speaker 03 Love you, son.
44:41 Speaker 02 All right. Well, you have fun at work now.
44:44 Speaker 03 All right, goodbye now.
44:45 Speaker 02 Bye, Shug.
44:46 Speaker 01 Bye.
44:48 Speaker 01 I'm learning that affirming is really important.
44:51 Speaker 02 Wow.
44:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:52 Speaker 02 That was crazy.
44:53 Speaker 01 I mean, I don't think it's that crazy. I think it makes a ton of sense.
44:56 Speaker 02 She wasn't, she wasn't just like, yeah, that would have been nice. She was like, they need to understand that we put our lives on the line.
45:00 Speaker 01 If I was working a 20-hour shift, I don't know how long the shifts are, if I was working a 20-hour shift at a hospital.
45:06 Speaker 02 You're right.
45:07 Speaker 01 You know what I mean?
45:07 Speaker 02 What am I talking about?
45:08 Speaker 01 And I'm, and I'm, I'm on the street with my sneakers and someone is banging and clanging, even if I'm annoyed by it, I'm gonna cry a little.
45:15 Speaker 02 These people, these people are, are, are, are saving lives around the clock during a global pandemic.
45:22 Speaker 01 Yes.
45:22 Speaker 02 To hear the clang of pots and pans.
45:24 Speaker 01 Oh my God, I would literally, I would.
45:26 Speaker 02 I'm gonna cry.
45:30 Speaker 02 What am I talking about? See, this is a problem.
45:32 Speaker 01 And I haven't cried since 2013 and I would.
45:35 Speaker 02 This is the problem, dude. You sit behind a microphone and you stop, you lose touch with, of course that would mean something to her.
45:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:42 Speaker 02 What am I talking about?
45:43 Speaker 01 I will be honest with you.
45:44 Speaker 02 Wow.
45:45 Speaker 01 I don't think anyone is looking at us thinking we're in touch with the healthcare workers.
45:50 Speaker 02 So I think of myself as an in touch person, Taylor.
45:54 Speaker 01 I do too, and I think that you are.
45:56 Speaker 02 I mean, wow, that was a real reality check.
45:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:59 Speaker 02 That's a, that's a, that's, you know, when politicians are like real Americans.
46:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:03 Speaker 02 That's that lady right there.
46:04 Speaker 01 She should run.
46:05 Speaker 02 She's a nurse in the Midwest.
46:06 Speaker 01 I mean.
46:07 Speaker 02 That's like, you know.
46:08 Speaker 01 And no one was clinging out there, I'm learning.
46:09 Speaker 02 And no one was clinging in Kansas. She was going to work for no clangs.
46:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:14 Speaker 02 She was going to work for no clangs and she worked all the time during COVID.
46:17 Speaker 01 Well, I think people don't, I think it's very sweet when people say thank you. I think it's very sweet when people, I think we, we assume that it's weird to tell someone what they mean to us. Obviously, or I think that, sorry, just speaking for myself, I guess other people do it.
46:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:29 Speaker 01 But I think it's, I'm learning it's really important. It's a thing I'd like to get better at.
46:32 Speaker 02 I have gratitude and praise.
46:34 Speaker 01 Gratitude and praise and like being honest about my feelings.
46:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:37 Speaker 02 Is that hard for you?
46:38 Speaker 01 Definitely.
46:39 Speaker 02 Wow.
46:39 Speaker 01 For sure.
46:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, irony is a big shield for you. You use irony as a distancer.
46:45 Speaker 01 Totally, and sometimes it's like I get in trouble and I go, for sure, I should have been more serious about that.
46:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:49 Speaker 01 You know?
46:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, you need to work on.
46:51 Speaker 01 For sure. Yeah, not you.
46:55 Speaker 01 I'm alone in that.
46:56 Speaker 02 That's just your thing.
46:57 Speaker 01 That's just, well, sometimes you will, like recently, you've said things that, um, like in passing that I think have been very sincere and I really thought about a lot.
47:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it is scary and it does hurt. It hurts worse when, everything hurts worse when you cared and tried.
47:11 Speaker 01 I know.
47:11 Speaker 02 And then it's, and then people will weaponize it against you. That's a really insidious thing about, uh, the, not just the internet, but like a moment that we're having right now is like weaponizing people's feelings against them. Like a lot of like, not to make it political, but like a lot of like right wing rallying cry right now is being like, like being like elated about people's devastation. Being like, being like, ugh, immigrants are crying today because Donald Trump is sending ICE. It's like, yeah. And that's really like.
47:37 Speaker 01 100%.
47:38 Speaker 02 Whoa.
47:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, that would upset me.
47:40 Speaker 02 And you're taking joy in, that's like, we actually, I don't know how often we stop and go, that's fucking insane that you like that.
47:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, it is a, um, it's like a spooky desensitized thing. I saw, it was a TikTok, I won't lie, I'm not gonna say what the, I'm not gonna pretend the source.
47:55 Speaker 02 I think it was an article in the Atlantic I was reading.
47:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, you know.
47:59 Speaker 02 Where they were dancing to an audio.
48:03 Speaker 01 I was reading it online, still a newspaper. It was, uh, but it was like a scene from Cabaret, I believe.
48:12 Speaker 01 And the audience was kind of like laughing at moments of like true, like spooky antisemitism. Things that I think were supposed to be like kind of bone chilling moments. In the musical and sort of just like, I think it is like self-protection of being like, it's okay, I'm laughing. It's funny. And it's like, oh, that actually wasn't written to be funny. That wasn't written to be a funny moment.
48:30 Speaker 02 Hey, that was like, um, that was to let you know that that character is one of the most evil people to ever live.
48:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:34 Speaker 02 Just so you know.
48:35 Speaker 01 Like where it's a scary time that's like important to the plot of the musical and it's, um. Yeah, it's like, it's, there, there is like a callousness that is.
48:47 Speaker 01 I don't know, fashion. I don't know if it's like, I don't know what it is.
48:50 Speaker 02 It's a real negotiation that I'm constantly doing when I'm writing jokes and I'm sure you are, I know we all are where it's like, I want to make fun of everybody. I want to make fun of people different than me and like me. I want to, I like making jokes and I like making people laugh. It's what I want to do. And I'm lucky that I get like an opportunity all the time. But I definitely do, I, I feel a real sense of like, whoa, I don't wanna, I want to make sure that everyone knows where my heart is when I'm making the joke.
49:16 Speaker 01 For sure.
49:16 Speaker 02 You know what I mean? Cause now it's more than ever, people are like hiding behind comedy and being like, well, he's kidding. And it's like, he's saying something deeply hurtful to an entire community of people.
49:24 Speaker 01 100%.
49:25 Speaker 02 I want to laugh too. I love laughing. I also don't particularly believe in like being sensitive or like a lot of reverence for, you know, but it's like, come on, there, there has to be something more important than being funny.
49:36 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, in comedy specifically, being funny is so important, but I think.
49:39 Speaker 02 I'm talking about in life.
49:40 Speaker 01 In life, I think it's not always, and it kind of bleeds in. And I do think, that's what's like kind of cool about the internet is I do think people are funnier because of it. Like more people are funnier. Like I think we have like sort of a shared language. Where. Everyone's able to sort of like craft a joke in a way that maybe like was really exclusive to performers or writers at a certain time. But it does lend to a little of that where it's like, oh, do we all need the, the space that like comedians need for risk to take risks to write jokes? Do all of us need that in our day to day? Like, I don't want a guy in my office doing that.
50:14 Speaker 02 No.
50:14 Speaker 01 You know?
50:15 Speaker 02 And also-
50:15 Speaker 01 Trying new stuff sort of in that way.
50:17 Speaker 02 Something you said is a really clear delineation, which is like, the most important thing in comedy is being funny. Every time, all the time, always. The most important thing in comedy is being funny. There's nothing else. It's not about being a good person. It's not about being charitable or generous. The most important thing in comedy every time is being funny. And I am a comedian. However, the most important thing in my life is not being a comedian. The most important thing in my life is being a good person. So the negotiation I'm doing is not, is being funny the most important thing about being a comedian? That's not the negotiation. The negotiation is, how much do I care about being a comedian right now versus being a human?
50:48 Speaker 01 100% when I was like less mature and like in my twenties, I do think that I, uh, like it, it's like, you're already funny. You're funny or you're not. I've, I've always been funny. So it's sort of like, why do I care about doing that all the time? Why do I need to have a take constantly? Why am I so uncomfortable doing the opposite? Like, why can't I develop that part of myself? And it is like maturity just to decide, you know?
51:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:11 Speaker 01 To be vulnerable and sincere and probably only serves your comedy better. I mean, like, when someone really turns it on you and makes you feel something when they're being, after they've been really, really funny.
51:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:21 Speaker 01 Got my ass.
51:22 Speaker 02 Got my ass.
51:23 Speaker 01 Got my ass good.
51:24 Speaker 02 Hey.
51:24 Speaker 01 I'm feeling deeply wasn't expecting that.
51:26 Speaker 02 Hey, whoa.
51:27 Speaker 01 Whoa.
51:28 Speaker 02 Um, God, yeah, that's so, hey, I almost said that's so true. Taylor?
51:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:34 Speaker 02 I got a segment for you.
51:35 Speaker 01 Okay.
51:35 Speaker 02 I'm gonna read you 15 statements.
51:37 Speaker 01 Whoa.
51:37 Speaker 02 You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false.
51:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
51:40 Speaker 02 If you get 10 or more correct, I'm gonna give you 50 US dollars.
51:46 Speaker 01 Whoa, that's crazy.
51:48 Speaker 02 And that could go a long way.
51:49 Speaker 01 Thanks for having me, Uber ride.
51:50 Speaker 02 That's an Uber ride, yeah. Okay, you ready?
51:52 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
51:52 Speaker 02 As quick as you can.
51:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
51:54 Speaker 02 The iPod came out in 2008.
51:55 Speaker 01 Um, false.
51:56 Speaker 02 False, it was 2010. Fish have eyelids.
51:58 Speaker 01 Uh, false.
51:59 Speaker 02 True.
51:59 Speaker 01 Ah.
52:00 Speaker 02 Uh, the Sahara Desert stretches further than the distance from California to New York.
52:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:04 Speaker 02 True. The New York Jets have never won the Super Bowl.
52:06 Speaker 01 Um, false.
52:07 Speaker 02 False, they won once in 1968.
52:09 Speaker 01 I know.
52:09 Speaker 02 A jackrabbit can travel more than 12 feet in one hop.
52:12 Speaker 01 Um, no.
52:13 Speaker 02 True. The browser Internet Explorer has been discontinued.
52:15 Speaker 01 Yes.
52:16 Speaker 02 True. A cucumber is only 3% water.
52:18 Speaker 01 Uh, false.
52:19 Speaker 02 False, it's 96% water. The side of a hammer is called a check, or cheek, sorry.
52:23 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah.
52:24 Speaker 02 True. Dolphins have the best sense of smell of any marine animal.
52:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:27 Speaker 02 False, they cannot smell. Kentucky Fried Chicken is older than Taco Bell.
52:30 Speaker 01 Oh, uh, true.
52:34 Speaker 02 You sure?
52:35 Speaker 01 No, false.
52:36 Speaker 02 It is true.
52:37 Speaker 01 Ah, I stick with mine true.
52:39 Speaker 02 Alicia Keys was born in Greenland.
52:41 Speaker 01 Um, false.
52:42 Speaker 02 False, New York City. New Jersey was the third state in the Union.
52:45 Speaker 01 False.
52:45 Speaker 02 True.
52:46 Speaker 01 Oh my god, that's where I'm from.
52:47 Speaker 02 New Balance originally sold only tennis rackets.
52:50 Speaker 01 Oh, true.
52:51 Speaker 02 False. No US president has been born in Iowa.
52:53 Speaker 01 Oh, false.
52:54 Speaker 02 False, Herbert Hoover. Saturn is the sixth planet from the sun.
52:57 Speaker 01 Ooh, true, probably.
52:58 Speaker 02 True!
52:59 Speaker 01 It's gotta be true.
52:59 Speaker 04 I think eight.
53:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:01 Speaker 01 Well, that's not bad.
53:02 Speaker 04 But I will say, because people come for me in these comments, the first one iPad, not iPod.
53:08 Speaker 02 iPad, sorry.
53:09 Speaker 01 And here's the thing, I would've been right either way, because I had an iPod in like 2005.
53:13 Speaker 02 Chance does get fucking beat up in the comments about these. It's no, people, people never comment angrily about almost anything other than being like, bears can swim!
53:23 Speaker 04 Please!
53:23 Speaker 02 Like, they're so mad at Chance, they get pissed.
53:26 Speaker 01 Well, I mean, the, the information is accessible.
53:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:30 Speaker 04 They heard it wrong, is the thing.
53:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:31 Speaker 04 The way they heard that, the way it was, was said out loud
53:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:36 Speaker 04 was what, was, they are mishearing it.
53:38 Speaker 01 Right.
53:38 Speaker 04 The question was right.
53:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:40 Speaker 04 What I wrote was right.
53:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:42 Speaker 04 I'm fucking sick of it.
53:43 Speaker 01 Hey, bud, nobody's, listen.
53:45 Speaker 02 Chance, don't be hurt.
53:46 Speaker 01 I don't remember what happened two minutes ago.
53:48 Speaker 02 He's crying, he's, people can see that he's crying.
53:51 Speaker 01 How do you feel about that?
53:51 Speaker 02 He made a straight man cry, do you know what that takes?
53:53 Speaker 01 How would you like it if everyone saw you cry?
53:55 Speaker 02 Anyway. Taylor Ortega, what's so true to you?
53:58 Speaker 01 What is so true to me? Um, you know, I've been noodling on this. I, and I feel like unfortunately, I kind of already said it, and it's been an unpopular opinion, when I said that I think Italian food is for babies.
54:13 Speaker 02 That was hard.
54:14 Speaker 01 Well.
54:15 Speaker 02 That was hard. I, I wonder what you mean by that.
54:19 Speaker 01 Well, here's what I do think. I think it's like one of like, everyone's like, it's my favorite food. And it's like, oh, controversial choice.
54:25 Speaker 02 You might just be hanging out with a lot of Italian people.
54:27 Speaker 01 Definitely, for sure.
54:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, cuz I'm not hearing that a lot.
54:29 Speaker 01 Well, I grew up, obviously, eating it all the time. It's amazing. I love it. Nothing bad about it, right? It's sausage, it's.
54:35 Speaker 02 What's better than this?
54:36 Speaker 01 What's better than this? Not a, rarely a vegetable in sight. I wouldn't have that. I went to Italy. I had a blast. I ate so much the whole time. I grew weary.
54:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
54:46 Speaker 01 I won't, if you ask for like, um, hot sauce or something, you know what they bring you? Just red pepper flakes.
54:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
54:52 Speaker 01 They go, do what you will with this. We've had these in the back for fifty years.
54:56 Speaker 02 It's not what I need.
54:56 Speaker 01 No one wants this. And it is just like, it, I think what's amazing about it is it's like, oh, it's fra- it's fresh tomatoes, it's basil, whatever. And I go, I need a little, do you guys do like, is there like a Szechuan place in Rome?
55:06 Speaker 02 Yes.
55:07 Speaker 01 You know, is there some, and maybe that's so American of me to need.
55:10 Speaker 02 It's funny, though, that you say Szechuan because I was gonna say, when you said everyone's like, oh, Italian's my favorite, I'm like, I think everyone's favorite is Asian food.
55:16 Speaker 01 Maybe there's food trends, but you're right. It could, this could be a regional thing where I'm like, stop making me pasta.
55:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're having a real specific experience where you're like, everyone's mom is making gravy every Sunday. It's like, whoa.
55:28 Speaker 01 I think it's, um, and I kind of developed this thing where I go, I think it's like, very accessible and not a scary food.
55:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
55:35 Speaker 01 You know, and like, I, I think it's like, maybe a little hack to be like, white people don't eat spicy food. But it feels a little bit like you, oh, you love lasagna so much, you love your little hot cheese sandwich so much. And it, it felt, I go, and we need something else in here.
55:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's also funny that Italian has like, really cornered the market as like, the fanciest food, where it's like.
55:54 Speaker 01 It's not at all.
55:55 Speaker 02 It's, every fancy restaurant is some version of Italian, and it's like, the fucking sauce and the trying to get the noodles on the fork, it's like, I can, I can do it. But I'm like.
56:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:02 Speaker 02 It is just like not, it doesn't really read to me as like, why did this get to be the fanciest food?
56:06 Speaker 01 I think it's like, the most, I just think it's incredibly, incredibly popular. Most people like it, nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. And I think that Italians are.
56:16 Speaker 02 Annoying.
56:17 Speaker 01 Whoa, for sure. Don't even think you had to say that. But I do think it's, I, it's like, um, you know, they're big on presentation.
56:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:24 Speaker 01 So that's how that happened. You know what I mean? They like to, the, the, the waiters wanna talk to you and they put out, I'm talking, this is like the sixties I'm referring to.
56:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To be clear, this is a time gone by. No one talks.
56:35 Speaker 01 This is a New York restaurant, Italian restaurant in the sixties, okay? They're putting out a linen tablecloth. There's a guy, he's got a little.
56:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, and a lot of times they're really cute. Italian guys are cute.
56:44 Speaker 01 Italian guys are, Italians are so cute.
56:49 Speaker 01 I, but they're, I mean, the ones I know are also, and when I say Italians, like, I've been to Italy, but the ones I'm thinking of are all from New Jersey.
56:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, you think of Jersey Italians.
56:57 Speaker 01 And it's a different thing.
56:58 Speaker 02 Yeah. What's different?
57:00 Speaker 01 Haircuts, the clothes, the accents, definitely.
57:04 Speaker 02 Chains with the tank top.
57:05 Speaker 01 But culturally, not a lot.
57:06 Speaker 02 Hanging out at Satrial's Pork.
57:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:09 Speaker 02 All that stuff.
57:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, Tony.
57:11 Speaker 01 Yelling. There's a lot, Tony.
57:13 Speaker 02 Tony's there.
57:14 Speaker 01 My grandfather, rest in peace.
57:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, rest in peace to him.
57:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's actually not a lot, a lot different.
57:18 Speaker 02 AJ's having a bit of an attitude, we might need to send him to boarding school.
57:21 Speaker 01 Oh, Italians don't go to boarding school?
57:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, Meadow, Meadow's going off to college soon.
57:25 Speaker 01 That was a crazy one, I don't know a single Italian Meadow in real life. But the rest of it, I didn't watch The Crimeos until last year.
57:31 Speaker 02 Yeah. Really?
57:33 Speaker 01 Couldn't get into it, but...
57:34 Speaker 02 Really? It's like kind of a documentary about your life.
57:36 Speaker 01 Well, that's the thing, I did find it like, not like accurate, obviously, I'm like, not in organized crime, but...
57:45 Speaker 01 Most suspicious thing I've ever said.
57:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're like, I did find, um, never mind.
57:49 Speaker 01 Cut, cut, cut, cut that, Chance. Toby was like, you, please don't say you're not in organized crime.
57:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, your dad's gonna get a RICO charge after this.
58:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, I did find that I go, yeah, this is exactly what Italian people in New Jersey are like.
58:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
58:07 Speaker 01 Exactly.
58:08 Speaker 02 I love that, that's beautiful, it's like an ethnography.
58:11 Speaker 01 When he's in his robe, standing over the counter, eating gaba ghoul out the wrapper, I go, yeah.
58:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, hey.
58:16 Speaker 01 Hundred percent.
58:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's iconic, that's us.
58:18 Speaker 01 One hundred, one hundred percent.
58:20 Speaker 02 That's beautiful, I wish we had that from Missouri.
58:22 Speaker 01 I'm sure you do have a version of that.
58:24 Speaker 02 Somebody, somewhere gets really close.
58:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:27 Speaker 02 Uh, Somebody Somewhere is great.
58:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:29 Speaker 02 Great show, and it gets really close to feeling like that, but it's not quite my experience.
58:35 Speaker 01 Right, and it's also a caricature.
58:36 Speaker 02 They should make a show that feels like my life.
58:38 Speaker 01 What would that be? Like what would it, how would it?
58:41 Speaker 02 It'd be called, it'd be called, it'd be called Gay Guy.
58:44 Speaker 01 Gay Guy.
58:45 Speaker 02 Gay Guy.
58:46 Speaker 01 You're gonna have to fight a lot of gay guys for that title.
58:48 Speaker 02 They couldn't, they couldn't carry the title.
58:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:51 Speaker 02 I'm gonna have to do Gay Guy.
58:52 Speaker 01 I was going through a phase. I was going through a phase where I was, I would, I would be like, oh, that's so gay guy, you know? And I didn't know if that was offensive.
58:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's not. No one cares.
59:01 Speaker 01 It's okay.
59:01 Speaker 02 Yeah. Gay guys are pretty cool about that stuff.
59:03 Speaker 01 They don't really mind. They're kind of like living the life.
59:06 Speaker 02 It's funny that like, it's funny that like, gay guys and leftists get branded as such snowflakes by the right wing, actually. Cause I'm like, we're pretty cool about everything.
59:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, and sometimes the most problematic people I know.
59:17 Speaker 02 True, every queer person I know and that I've met in like every city is pretty much like, oh yeah, pronoun jokes are hilarious.
59:23 Speaker 01 Right.
59:23 Speaker 02 Like, I'm like, what are you, what is, what is this made up queer person that you guys are sparring with? We're all like, oh yeah, that's hilarious.
59:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:28 Speaker 02 When it's actually funny, you know?
59:30 Speaker 01 And that's the trouble with, I, most of the people I wanna make fun of are people in my own community.
59:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
59:34 Speaker 01 You know, and that's really hard, cause you can't let everybody in on that.
59:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
59:37 Speaker 01 But I wanna do it so bad.
59:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, you love it.
59:40 Speaker 01 I love it.
59:40 Speaker 02 You are one of my most problematic friends.
59:42 Speaker 01 Thank you.
59:43 Speaker 02 You have some really complex and intense feelings about things that are, you should not.
59:47 Speaker 01 I know.
59:48 Speaker 02 You're really pro-prison, which I find crazy.
59:50 Speaker 01 I know, I am. It's cause I have built so many.
59:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, you're profiting.
59:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:55 Speaker 02 Fill those beds.
59:56 Speaker 01 You know, but.
59:57 Speaker 02 That's what you always say, fill those beds.
59:58 Speaker 01 I'm always saying that. And to be fair, when I got into it, I didn't even know what a prison was, and I regret it.
1:00:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, you just saw it as an investment.
1:00:04 Speaker 01 But it's gotten away from me.
1:00:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's bigger than us now.
1:00:07 Speaker 01 It's bigger than me now.
1:00:07 Speaker 02 But your bills are paid.
1:00:08 Speaker 01 I have a lot of employees and I have to pay, you know, they got families. Yes. Wardens, guards. Is that the same thing?
1:00:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:00:14 Speaker 01 See, I don't really know.
1:00:15 Speaker 02 Warden and guard are not the same thing.
1:00:16 Speaker 01 I watched about a season and a half of Orange is the New Black. I said, this rocks. These gals are going down on each other left and right. I got, I gotta open one of these.
1:00:23 Speaker 02 Totally.
1:00:24 Speaker 01 And then I found out they do them for boys, too.
1:00:26 Speaker 02 Boy prison. Boy prison.
1:00:28 Speaker 01 Boy prison.
1:00:29 Speaker 02 Much different prison, but still prison.
1:00:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, girl prison, much more, girl prison, I've heard, much more easygoing.
1:00:35 Speaker 01 You've heard things about it?
1:00:35 Speaker 02 About girl prison?
1:00:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:00:37 Speaker 01 I don't think that I really would truly know the experience of any, any prison. I, I can't, I would choose girl prison, I think.
1:00:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:00:44 Speaker 01 But I don't think I would do well.
1:00:46 Speaker 02 You would do well in girl prison.
1:00:47 Speaker 01 Do you think?
1:00:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:00:48 Speaker 01 I would definitely have friends, but.
1:00:50 Speaker 02 Charming and beautiful. I think you'd do quite well.
1:00:52 Speaker 01 Thank you. I think I would get a girlfriend immediately.
1:00:54 Speaker 02 Totally.
1:00:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's really gorgeous.
1:00:56 Speaker 01 But I don't know how that works there.
1:00:57 Speaker 02 What do you mean?
1:00:59 Speaker 01 Um, I don't know if it's like mostly like everyone's open or like, um, I don't know if they like DTR in
1:01:06 Speaker 02 Oh, they do, and it's serious.
1:01:08 Speaker 01 You think they DTR? Oh, it's probably so serious, actually.
1:01:10 Speaker 02 It's really serious. People get stabbed over it.
1:01:12 Speaker 01 And actually, if you think about like-
1:01:13 Speaker 02 It's DTR in a way that we actually don't even do on the outside.
1:01:16 Speaker 01 I could start.
1:01:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're gonna start stabbing people over-
1:01:18 Speaker 01 If we start to be honest about our feelings and really like open that gate.
1:01:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:01:22 Speaker 01 I could see myself getting pretty possessive.
1:01:24 Speaker 02 Stabbing someone over a trans guy in a loafer?
1:01:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, oh, I mean, that person first, for sure. Are you kidding?
1:01:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's intense.
1:01:31 Speaker 01 There's only like, yeah, I mean, it's a small community.
1:01:34 Speaker 02 I don't wanna go to prison.
1:01:35 Speaker 01 No, me neither. Let's get that on the record.
1:01:37 Speaker 02 Yeah. One of my biggest fears for a long time was being wrongfully convicted of a crime.
1:01:42 Speaker 01 Um, and you were sort of, did that affect the way you navigated your life?
1:01:45 Speaker 02 100%, and I genuinely, now I have a couple of friends who were wrongfully convicted. Who I've met, uh, in the world.
1:01:51 Speaker 01 That's really scary.
1:01:52 Speaker 02 I, it really is, um, it's intense. I have one, a friend of mine in Kansas City, um, I have a couple of friends in Kansas City who were wrongfully convicted of crimes, and, uh, each of them spent like 20 plus years in prison for crimes they did not commit and were later exonerated for. And there's a bunch of people in prison who didn't fucking do it.
1:02:10 Speaker 01 Yeah. When I was like 19, my boyfriend, uh, had this like app, and it was very early into apps, like not everyone even had iPhones. And it was like, know your rights, and he was like, it inquisits you to know your rights. And at the time, I didn't understand.
1:02:21 Speaker 02 Can I just say, it is so funny in the same episode to be like, yeah, I'm trying not to mention my age anymore. And then to be like, I had this boyfriend who had one of the first apps.
1:02:32 Speaker 01 I can't open-
1:02:33 Speaker 02 So when apps were invented, I was there, and-
1:02:35 Speaker 01 And I'm sort of cryptic about it too. I'm like, I'm like, we were in our candlelit living room.
1:02:39 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was on, it was on a Nokia Flip, and it was called knowyourrights.app.
1:02:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, at the time, there were only, what was it, 14 states?
1:02:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:50 Speaker 01 Um, we were in the New Republic of York and he was-
1:02:53 Speaker 02 Take up five foot nine.
1:02:56 Speaker 01 And that's it.
1:02:56 Speaker 02 There for the first times.
1:02:58 Speaker 01 Um, and I was, I didn't understand at all why that was important at the time. Obviously I was incredibly ignorant to why you would need to know your rights.
1:03:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:03:04 Speaker 01 Um, and now I go, I want to know every single right I have. Yeah. I want to be well versed. He also made me watch that this now it's probably a viral. See, I'm going to mention a viral video and it's not going to be, but it was a law professor, basically talking to a class and bringing a police officer in.
1:03:18 Speaker 02 Well, he wasn't talking. There was like piano happening while he held up cards.
1:03:21 Speaker 01 It was a cabaret.
1:03:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:03:23 Speaker 01 It was a Harvard cabaret.
1:03:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:03:25 Speaker 01 And he basically brought, brought a police officer into the class and had the police officer be like, do not talk to the police ever.
1:03:31 Speaker 02 That's insane.
1:03:32 Speaker 01 And the police officer was like, my job is to like, I'm doing everything I can to like, get you to say something and, and like, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. It's like, anything you say. And he was like, don't say a word to me. This is what I do. This is how I do it and I'm good at my job. And he like explains it to the class. And it's like, no matter who you are, you are so much better. Even if you're trying to be helpful, like, don't say a word.
1:03:52 Speaker 02 And then they want us to lob them as public safety heroes.
1:03:55 Speaker 01 I like that one.
1:03:56 Speaker 02 Them as public safety.
1:03:57 Speaker 01 That one guy.
1:03:57 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, but it's like, he's admitting the whole game.
1:03:59 Speaker 01 Guy who came to the law class.
1:04:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, except for him who was like giving away the whole game.
1:04:04 Speaker 01 The whole game.
1:04:05 Speaker 02 Be like, hey, once we get in our head that you did something, we're going to do everything we can to make it seem that way. So, you know, don't talk to us.
1:04:10 Speaker 01 Get it in our head. It's kind of like, I want the day to be over and I'm getting my confetti. I'm getting somewhere on this case.
1:04:14 Speaker 02 That's what they do.
1:04:15 Speaker 01 That's not good.
1:04:16 Speaker 02 They go, fuck, we gotta get somebody for this. What's that guy have to? Yeah.
1:04:19 Speaker 01 Shouldn't be how it works, but you gotta, going back to the station had to be hard that afternoon.
1:04:23 Speaker 02 It's fucked up that I have such good politics because I'd be an incredible cop.
1:04:27 Speaker 01 You think? I could really, I guess.
1:04:28 Speaker 02 Dude, I'd be amazing at it. Playing little mind games with people that are innocent.
1:04:32 Speaker 01 You would. You would. But you'd also let a lot.
1:04:35 Speaker 02 They do. It's evil.
1:04:36 Speaker 01 Slide.
1:04:36 Speaker 02 It's their evil. I would let a lot slide, but the second, cops are so iconic because they.
1:04:48 Speaker 02 They will, they will let you break.
1:04:53 Speaker 02 They will let you break any law as long as you say yes sir and no sir. The second you disrespect them, they're like, oh, you just broke the breathing air in front of me law.
1:05:00 Speaker 01 I know.
1:05:01 Speaker 02 They really are petty little bitches.
1:05:03 Speaker 01 And I'm so bad at that.
1:05:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:05:04 Speaker 01 I'm really working on my obstinance and my, my issues with authority.
1:05:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:05:11 Speaker 02 We gotta end the episode. Hey, it was so much fun having you on.
1:05:14 Speaker 01 Thank you.
1:05:14 Speaker 02 I love you to death. Do you want to tell people where to find you?
1:05:16 Speaker 01 Absolutely. Um, you can, I don't know what I'm doing over on Instagram. It's crazy over there. A lot of close friends stuff, so you don't have to worry about that, but it's Taylor, Taylor Tega. Um, and I got Have Some Fun Digital Series on there. Oh, and I, um, I'm in a bunch, I'm on a bunch of TV shows. And so you'll catch me out there. Um, I'm in a movie that's coming out soon. It's a sequel to Simple Favor.
1:05:37 Speaker 02 Gorgeous.
1:05:38 Speaker 01 Yeah. Me, Blake Lively, Anna Kendrick, all doing an equal amount of work.
1:05:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, same payment, same everything.
1:05:43 Speaker 01 Same everything.
1:05:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, same billing, same pay.
1:05:45 Speaker 01 I'm working the same hours as those gals.
1:05:47 Speaker 02 It's your classic three-hander.
1:05:48 Speaker 01 If for some reason, it seems like they're in more of the movie than me, I just got a lot cut because I kept improvising.
1:05:53 Speaker 02 Optical illusion, yeah. Optical illusion played by the production company.
1:05:56 Speaker 01 Definitely.
1:05:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's gorgeous. I didn't know you acted.
1:05:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've been getting into it.
1:06:01 Speaker 02 Wow.
1:06:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, once I joined Scientology, they were like, this is a really good way to kind of like bridge together. We have classes. Do you wanna?
1:06:06 Speaker 02 Yeah. Thank you so much, Taylor. This was awesome.
1:06:10 Speaker 00 That was a HeadGum Podcast.
Previous Carly Kane Loves Crystals Next Molly Kearney is Dropping Knowledge Page updated November 4, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated