Pod Insights So True with Caleb Hearon Molly Kearney is Dropping Knowledge About this episode Welcome back! This week’s guest is the hilarious Molly Kearney! Molly and Caleb talk SNL, starting comedy on an island in the middle of a lake, fashion, mom’s, and so much more!
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So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.
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Transcript 11,553 words · 5 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 I'm calling all K-lemmerties, K-lesbians and truthers. We're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm/sotrue. And we want to hear from you so we can keep making content you love. You know this, we know this. Look, there's ads on our podcast. Sue me. Sometimes the product might not be for you, but I know you all still diligently watch each ad from start to finish because you all just love supporting the show so much, huh? We want to improve that experience, but in order to do this, we need to know a little more about you, our audience, or as I like to call you, our family. I know you're all lovely, kind, mentally well, people, but the more details I have, the better experience we can provide for you, my family. The survey is a quick, easy and free way to support this podcast, which we would just
0:44 Speaker 00 appreciate so very much. It'll take you two minutes and you'll be helping us out so much by doing it. What's two minutes to help out your favorite gay podcast? Or as I like to call me, your family. We actually do want you guys to do this.
1:00 Speaker 00 This is actually something I asked us to do. It's the survey, you're gonna tell them what kind of ads you like and don't like. And when you do it, if there's an option to say, "We love when Caleb's silly with it", put that in there. Go to gum.fm/sotrue to fill out our audience survey. That's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-O-T-R-U-E. Love ya.
1:23 Speaker 01 This is a HeadGum Podcast.
1:26 Speaker 02 My dad was a councilman.
1:27 Speaker 00 I know he was.
1:27 Speaker 02 He's still alive, he just isn't one anymore.
1:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, and what are his two best friends' names?
1:33 Speaker 02 This is when he was a construction worker, rock and roll in big city.
1:38 Speaker 02 I've known him my whole life, rock and roll in big city.
1:45 Speaker 00 Do you, is it okay on the episode if we tell people, um, my really funny joke when you were over at my place?
1:50 Speaker 02 Absolutely, because I was thinking we could talk about that. Because I haven't really been doing much.
1:54 Speaker 00 Will you tell, will you tell people my really funny joke? I was really proud of it.
1:58 Speaker 02 Wait, right now?
1:59 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:00 Speaker 02 Sure.
2:00 Speaker 00 Oh, we're rolling.
2:01 Speaker 02 Oh.
2:02 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:04 Speaker 02 Um.
2:04 Speaker 00 Oh, I meant to change my shirt.
2:07 Speaker 02 Go do it.
2:07 Speaker 00 No, I'll just wear the same shirt.
2:08 Speaker 02 You wanna switch?
2:09 Speaker 00 I'll just wear the same shirt. I wish.
2:10 Speaker 02 You wanna switch shirts?
2:10 Speaker 00 I wish. That's a cute shirt.
2:11 Speaker 02 Thank you so much.
2:12 Speaker 00 No, you can tell people my favorite. Guys, I just, we recorded the episode on, we recorded this multiple episodes on a day. I'm wearing the same shirt.
2:18 Speaker 02 I'm sorry, he's working, man.
2:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, my goodness.
2:20 Speaker 02 Good god.
2:21 Speaker 00 We'll put him out, we'll space him out, anyway.
2:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, we'll space him out.
2:24 Speaker 00 Um.
2:24 Speaker 02 Don't put them together.
2:25 Speaker 00 Sorry, you really wanted to tell people my funny joke, didn't you?
2:27 Speaker 02 Oh, I did, I did. I, I called Caleb to hang out and I was like, hey, I'm getting top surgery on Monday. And he goes, oh my god.
2:37 Speaker 02 I'm getting top surgery on Monday.
2:43 Speaker 00 They were, they were-
2:43 Speaker 02 And it really took, it took the heat right off. I go, oh, right, great.
2:47 Speaker 00 Well, you were on my couch. They were on my couch really being like, yeah, man, I'm just like, I've got a lot on my mind. Like, I'm, you know, I have top surgery on Monday and they're like, kinda confiding in me.
2:55 Speaker 02 Hmm, I was confiding.
2:56 Speaker 00 And then I go, oh my god, this is humiliating. I, I'm getting top surgery on Monday. And then, and then we laughed.
3:03 Speaker 02 Who's your doctor?
3:04 Speaker 00 We laughed for a while. And then I go, are you going bigger or smaller?
3:12 Speaker 02 It was that, it was the nightcap of it. You put a little hat on that joke.
3:16 Speaker 00 Really good one. What do you think? You regret it?
3:22 Speaker 02 I regret her.
3:24 Speaker 00 And her. Her and him.
3:26 Speaker 02 Her and him.
3:27 Speaker 00 Mister and miss.
3:27 Speaker 02 Um, no, I'm feeling great. Six weeks out yesterday.
3:31 Speaker 00 You look great.
3:33 Speaker 02 Honey, titless and full of joy.
3:36 Speaker 00 Flat as a board.
3:37 Speaker 02 Thank you. I'm a charcuterie board, baby.
3:40 Speaker 00 Flat as a board, I wanna eat sushi off you.
3:42 Speaker 02 Put goo on my bosom. Oh, my flat chest.
3:43 Speaker 00 My flat chest.
3:45 Speaker 02 I will say, when I, when I, uh, so when I've been healing, you know, I got my nipples, some people don't, but I, I was like, wow, they are really spread apart. But that's because they're, the ma, the masculine chest.
3:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, the masculine chest.
3:57 Speaker 02 They line them up with your clavicle. You know, I'm learning this. I should have done more research.
4:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, before you.
4:02 Speaker 02 But I got to have a nightmare that my nine nipples were like all over my body and I would like find one on my knee and like my belly button.
4:10 Speaker 00 Well, they're doing that to kids now in schools.
4:14 Speaker 00 You send your kid to school, their nipples are where they're supposed to be. They come home with it on their knee.
4:18 Speaker 02 They go, whoa, whoa.
4:19 Speaker 00 It's sick and the radical left is enabling it.
4:22 Speaker 02 The pigments.
4:23 Speaker 00 The pigment's off.
4:24 Speaker 02 The pigment's off.
4:28 Speaker 00 A really informed transphobe. Well, when you get your nipples done, you need to make sure the pigment's right and make sure you want them placed in the right.
4:34 Speaker 02 Do you want them on the clavicle or you want them more centered?
4:36 Speaker 00 Yeah.
4:36 Speaker 02 Feminine.
4:37 Speaker 00 Golly. Golly, these Frankenstein doctors are coming for our kids, putting their nipples on their knee.
4:44 Speaker 02 I mean, they were using marker and stuff, like lining them up. I was like, wow, they're gonna have to be good at math, too.
4:51 Speaker 00 You were awake?
4:52 Speaker 02 Well, honey, I was. I go, don't put me down. I want to be there for it.
4:55 Speaker 00 Yeah.
4:56 Speaker 02 I didn't know that you technically pass away during anesthesia.
5:00 Speaker 00 Pardon?
5:01 Speaker 02 They put you, my mom's like, oh yeah, I didn't want to tell you that till after. I'm like, because my mom's a retired nurse, she was there for me the whole time.
5:08 Speaker 00 Your mom's a fucking icon.
5:09 Speaker 02 She is. Margaret, you're an icon.
5:11 Speaker 00 She and I text, by the way.
5:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course.
5:13 Speaker 00 Did she tell you that? She and I started texting during your aftercare because we were, you know, in communication about, you know, how annoying you were being.
5:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:22 Speaker 00 And, no, I'm kidding. We were just talking about what was needed and we've continued to text.
5:26 Speaker 02 Well, Caleb did come over and set up my Xbox when I was belly up.
5:32 Speaker 00 I did.
5:32 Speaker 02 I did not know. I was like, I was trying to connect it to the refrigerator. I was like, this is not, there's no power going into this thing.
5:38 Speaker 00 You messed it up pretty bad.
5:39 Speaker 02 I did, I did.
5:40 Speaker 00 I had to get to work over there.
5:41 Speaker 02 I did. But, no, yeah, but my mom told me that you, when they put you, and this is probably like, smart people listening probably know this, but they put you anesthesiologist.
5:53 Speaker 00 You got it. Anesthesiologist, yeah.
5:54 Speaker 02 They put you, they put you out cold. They get paid so much because they're making you breathe.
6:00 Speaker 00 They're making you breathe?
6:02 Speaker 02 You're a corpse.
6:03 Speaker 00 That's crazy.
6:04 Speaker 02 And when I went down under, it was terrifying. It was like, they put me in the little booties and they walked me down this hall like Grey's Anatomy style. And then the nurse just knocked on the door. I'm like, what is this? Like a hotel? Like there was, I'm like, how many rooms are there? She was like, there's 10 surgical rooms. And I go, you're just picking the one? You're just picking a random door? So we go in there and then there's this chair, there's this, you know, flat thing with like arms that go out and I'm like.
6:27 Speaker 00 Honey, that's an operating table.
6:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, but, but hon, it looked like, shaped like my body for me. It was like built for me.
6:34 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:34 Speaker 02 And I lay down and I'm just like, sweet lord. And I was less nervous and I just took a deep breath and then the nurse started patting my leg.
6:43 Speaker 00 Why?
6:45 Speaker 00 Sorry.
6:47 Speaker 02 It was comforting.
6:48 Speaker 00 Oh, it was nice.
6:49 Speaker 02 Cause I probably.
6:50 Speaker 00 I thought you meant like a medical way.
6:51 Speaker 02 I probably, I had, I had probably had the fear of God in me. I was like, I was like, I probably didn't breathe for like 30 seconds. She's like, and next thing you know, I'm waking up and I'm telling all the nurses that they're pretty.
7:02 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's, that's inappropriate.
7:04 Speaker 02 Well, that's why I didn't get my wisdom teeth out for over a decade.
7:07 Speaker 00 Yeah, I've gotta do that soon.
7:09 Speaker 02 Do you really?
7:09 Speaker 00 My wisdom teeth, yeah.
7:10 Speaker 02 Oh, why didn't you get them out?
7:12 Speaker 00 They're in there and they're rotten. They need to go.
7:14 Speaker 02 Are you serious?
7:15 Speaker 00 They're not rotten, but they're, they're just in there and they need to go. They're not, they're not good.
7:18 Speaker 02 Green gas coming out like.
7:20 Speaker 00 No, they, they need to go. I have to get my wisdom teeth out. I hate, I hate dentists. I hate surgery. I had surgery when I was 16 years old. Or maybe 15. I had a knee surgery from football.
7:30 Speaker 02 Big boy football!
7:31 Speaker 00 Not a, not a sport that we should probably be letting our children play, huh? Um, but yeah, I had to have a, a knee surgery and I had to go under and it was fucking scary. And they make you, they do all that stuff right beforehand. I'm 15. They do all that stuff beforehand when they're like, where they're like, where they're like, oh, that, and then they're like, they're like, um, and then just sign here. There's 10% chance that you'll die in surgery. Not 10%, you know, like 1% chance that the tube will go down. We won't be able to get it back out and you'll choke to death. You know, and I'm like, I'm like, mom!
7:55 Speaker 02 And your mom's a nurse too.
7:56 Speaker 00 My mom's a nurse and she's like, she's like, it's not gonna happen.
7:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're fine. You're fine.
8:00 Speaker 00 Yeah. That's scary stuff, brother.
8:02 Speaker 02 The 1% wasn't.
8:03 Speaker 00 1%, hey, and it happen, and it happens to people. That's, crazier things have happened.
8:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:08 Speaker 00 How did we meet? Do you remember? What's our origin story?
8:11 Speaker 02 I think we were trying to meet in Chicago when we were like in 2020, 2026.
8:17 Speaker 00 2026? I think it was 2034 when we linked up.
8:23 Speaker 02 I think it was.
8:24 Speaker 00 In, in New Chicago.
8:26 Speaker 02 Knock it off, knock it off.
8:29 Speaker 02 It was 2016 or 2017. And we met at like IO and I was like, who is this funny man?
8:36 Speaker 00 Who is this funny they?
8:38 Speaker 02 And I was doing like stand up and you were doing zip, zap, zop.
8:41 Speaker 00 Improv, they call it.
8:42 Speaker 02 Improv, yeah, yeah. And then, then you asked me, we were like, we should get some lunch.
8:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, we went to Tanuki.
8:50 Speaker 02 The.
8:50 Speaker 00 Remember that? Off the Brown, off the Wellington Brown line.
8:52 Speaker 02 Yes, that's, yes, right by my.
8:53 Speaker 00 That was our, like, we met, we had a writing meeting.
8:55 Speaker 02 We had a writing meeting and.
8:57 Speaker 00 At a Japanese restaurant.
8:58 Speaker 02 Yes, yeah, cuz, you know, where else would we go?
9:00 Speaker 00 And guess what? I have some of the things we wrote.
9:02 Speaker 02 You don't. You don't.
9:04 Speaker 00 Yes, I do.
9:05 Speaker 02 You don't.
9:06 Speaker 00 We.
9:06 Speaker 02 I, I thought I deleted that.
9:07 Speaker 00 We were, we were trying, we were trying to come up with sketches for us to do.
9:11 Speaker 02 We were like, big boy and another big boy walking down the street. Two big boys walking down the street.
9:16 Speaker 00 The first one, the, I'm not even kidding, the first one is just, we're cops, question mark?
9:21 Speaker 00 That's where we were.
9:22 Speaker 02 That was probably mine.
9:23 Speaker 00 Um.
9:24 Speaker 02 You'll, you'll be able to tell which one's mine, which one's Caleb's.
9:26 Speaker 00 This is even better. We're news anchors reading headlines and we're just exhausted by all of it. No real point of view. We're just tired. To, to write a sketch where the premise is that you have no point of view? Not good.
9:39 Speaker 02 No, no, no.
9:40 Speaker 00 Bouncers at a club and I'm trying to wingman for you with cute girls. That was where I was gonna try and get you cute girls.
9:46 Speaker 02 I thought I was gonna, I thought that, that's the one I wrote.
9:48 Speaker 00 No.
9:48 Speaker 02 You, you probably weren't out then.
9:50 Speaker 00 No. Um, we dress exactly alike and do a twin segment.
9:54 Speaker 02 That, that, that, that might have been mine.
9:56 Speaker 00 That was you. We are hockey players, question mark?
9:58 Speaker 02 That definitely, the question marks are definitely me. I'm like, expand on that, Caleb. Do a little work, will you?
10:03 Speaker 00 This one says, we do a commercial for our apple orchard. But we keep saying things like, we promised the big accident hasn't had any impact on the apples.
10:11 Speaker 02 That one has the most, that one has the most points.
10:13 Speaker 00 Oh, I found one that's definitely you. We host the Cleveland Browns fan show and it's just a bunch of jokes and stories about how we love the Browns.
10:23 Speaker 02 Oh, God, that's tough. That's, this is tough. It's tough.
10:26 Speaker 00 Uh, this one's highlighted. It says, brother and sister who run a, their family's taxidermy business.
10:33 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, I was very obsessed with taxidermy.
10:36 Speaker 00 That actually has stuffed legs. Uh, this one says, UPS drivers who have a side business where they take lost packages and sell them on the dark web.
10:44 Speaker 02 Ooh.
10:44 Speaker 00 AKA eBay or whatever.
10:46 Speaker 02 These are actually getting good.
10:47 Speaker 00 That, yeah, that was you. They're getting good cuz they're coming up on you.
10:50 Speaker 02 I'm like, these are sounding familiar.
10:52 Speaker 00 Um, a father and son trying to get on Shark Tank.
10:56 Speaker 02 Well, that'd be cute.
10:57 Speaker 00 This one says, siblings or celebs? And then there's a sub note that says, okay, I can't get over us as siblings. What about siblings at a city council hearing?
11:07 Speaker 02 That's you, that's you.
11:08 Speaker 00 Oh, city council is definitely me. I'm always trying to work in some stupid little political angle.
11:12 Speaker 02 My dad was a councilman.
11:13 Speaker 00 I know he was.
11:14 Speaker 02 He's still alive, he just isn't one anymore.
11:15 Speaker 00 Yeah, and what are his two best friends' names?
11:20 Speaker 02 This is when he was a construction worker, rock and roll in big city.
11:25 Speaker 02 I've known him my whole life, rock and roll in big city. Rock and roll obviously looks like a rock star and big city, you know, has a mullet and drives one of those weird Jeep pickup trucks.
11:35 Speaker 00 Your dad's best friends' names are rock and roll in big city?
11:39 Speaker 02 And guess what their real names are? Birth certificate names.
11:43 Speaker 00 I'm guessing like Maurice and Jonathan.
11:45 Speaker 02 No, they're both Sean.
11:47 Speaker 00 No.
11:49 Speaker 02 They're both Sean.
11:49 Speaker 00 No. S E A N?
11:51 Speaker 02 S E A N.
11:52 Speaker 00 Thank you.
11:53 Speaker 02 Just like, uh, my little brother?
11:55 Speaker 00 That's so funny, I love your brother.
11:57 Speaker 02 They're great brothers.
11:58 Speaker 00 I love the Carney family.
11:59 Speaker 02 They're good boys.
12:00 Speaker 00 I'm big on the Carney family.
12:06 Speaker 00 So what's going on with you? What do you got, what do you got, what do you got on your mind lately?
12:09 Speaker 02 What do I got?
12:09 Speaker 00 Tell me about Molly.
12:10 Speaker 02 Oh, man. I've been, uh, trying to read more.
12:18 Speaker 00 Whoa, what are you reading?
12:19 Speaker 02 Good God, I'm the slowest reader. I've learned how slow I am.
12:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay.
12:23 Speaker 02 But that's not, it's not a race, you know?
12:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, buddy, no, it's not, yeah.
12:31 Speaker 02 But then I think about how, it's like this, it's like then I think about how slow I'm reading, so then I try to read faster and I'm like, wait, I gotta re-read that page again.
12:37 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:37 Speaker 02 So it's a cycle of hell. But anyway, I've been reading a lot of books.
12:40 Speaker 00 What are you reading?
12:41 Speaker 02 Uh, my favorite books this year
12:45 Speaker 02 are Demon
12:47 Speaker 00 Uh-oh.
12:48 Speaker 02 Me swagging on my bragging books. Um, Demon Copperhead is my favorite book of last year and, uh, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, great book, that's been on my mind for years, finally read it. I just finished, um, The Women.
13:02 Speaker 00 The Women?
13:02 Speaker 02 The Women!
13:03 Speaker 00 It's just called The Women?
13:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course, I gravitated towards that and, um, it actually is about Vietnam nurses, so it really took a turn.
13:11 Speaker 00 Every, every word you just said, I'm reading a book called The Women. It's about Vietnam nurses.
13:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:18 Speaker 00 That's nuts.
13:19 Speaker 02 They came back from war and it's a fiction, but it's like based off of true stories. And um, they came back and they weren't accepted and then nobody, no, people are like, oh, there's only men in Nam. But who patched up the men?
13:34 Speaker 00 They weren't accepted?
13:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, people were like, there's no women in war.
13:38 Speaker 00 People just didn't.
13:39 Speaker 02 So there's all these Vietnam nurses that came back, like, and they were neglected and they were, they were not respected or taken care of. And they didn't get the proper therapy.
13:48 Speaker 00 Wild.
13:49 Speaker 02 Look at me dropping knowledge.
13:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, you gotta keep reading books.
13:52 Speaker 02 I know, honey, and do I know it.
13:54 Speaker 00 Hey, this is, this is killer information.
13:56 Speaker 02 Can I take a long story and make it a couple of sentences?
13:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, cut that thing down.
14:00 Speaker 02 Yeah. What about you? What have you been reading?
14:02 Speaker 00 Uh.
14:03 Speaker 02 We bought books together.
14:04 Speaker 00 We did buy books together.
14:05 Speaker 02 Did you read it?
14:06 Speaker 00 Uh, I forgot what I bought with, did I buy a philosophy of walking when I was with you?
14:09 Speaker 02 Actually Caleb, I got it for you as a gift.
14:11 Speaker 00 What?
14:12 Speaker 02 The book.
14:13 Speaker 00 What was it? Which book was it?
14:17 Speaker 02 I don't remember, but I remember I was like, I don't know. I'm like, this is a gift. We were celebrating you in some way.
14:25 Speaker 00 I think you made this up. I love you to death, but I think you just lied on the podcast.
14:29 Speaker 02 Brother, I remember it like it was yesterday.
14:31 Speaker 00 I don't doubt that you bought the book.
14:33 Speaker 02 No, no, it was not me. It's not like George Costanza, like, I bought you the big salad. It's like, I.
14:44 Speaker 00 Do you remember what book it was?
14:45 Speaker 02 Getting light at it. And you literally went up to the lady at the bookstore and you're like, hi, I'm Caleb. And then you looked at me like, I'm an idiot for not introducing myself. And I'm like, hi, I'm Molly.
14:57 Speaker 00 Nice thing to do.
14:58 Speaker 02 Like, it's like, you're supposed to be quiet in a bookstore. You're like, hey, put her there. How are you, Caleb? We like to read too. What's your favorite book?
15:07 Speaker 00 I like to get to know people.
15:09 Speaker 02 Elizabeth. And I was like, nice to meet you, Elizabeth.
15:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, she was lovely. I'm reading, I'm reading a philosophy of walking. I'm also reading the dawn-
15:18 Speaker 02 Tell me about that one.
15:19 Speaker 00 Philosophy of walking is like, uh, it's a, this guy put together a book talking about, like this creative and spiritual practice of going on long walks. And there's a bunch of philosophers who would go on long walks. And that's how they would write. They wouldn't sit at a desk and like put pen to paper. They would walk and get their ideas. And then later on, they would transcribe them when they felt like they had it formulated. And I like that.
15:39 Speaker 02 And I like that.
15:40 Speaker 00 I like that. And so I've been reading a lot about that. And then I've been reading the dawn of everything. This big, dense, fucking, heavy book about,
15:50 Speaker 00 kind of asking like, it's asking why, why did we as a people get so hung up on the idea of inequality? And like, we've been asking this question philosophically for a long time of like, are we inherently egalitarian or inherently hierarchical as people? Are we like inherently selfish and mean or good and generous? And-
16:10 Speaker 02 Good and Jenny.
16:11 Speaker 00 Good and Jenny. But it's actually, the book is actually not even asking that question. It's actually asking how we came to ask that question. And then kind of starting to look at, I'm only like a hundred something pages in, but starting to look at like, actually, these ideas we've had for a long time about like societies were inherently good or inherently bad. And then agriculture happened and they became this. That's all wrong. Societies were inherently different all along. There were many people in different parts of the world doing different kinds of societies at all times. And it's like going through a lot of like dense like resources about that. It's extremely academic and hard to read. And I'm, it's taken me-
16:44 Speaker 02 I mean, it was hard to listen to that.
16:45 Speaker 00 I know. It's not fun. I'm saying, you're so right.
16:49 Speaker 02 No, but I mean, when you read that book, do you kind of have to go to another book? That's like maybe a little lighter? Or you just put on Xbox or something?
16:55 Speaker 00 I have to put on Xbox and I also, I damn near need to like take notes. I tried reading it on a plane. I thought I was gonna myself.
17:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:01 Speaker 00 It's an important book and I want to learn the information.
17:03 Speaker 02 Right.
17:04 Speaker 00 But God, it feels like, it feels like, it feels like college. It feels like grad school. And I didn't even go to grad school.
17:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're putting yourself through it.
17:11 Speaker 00 But I want to know.
17:12 Speaker 02 I know. And I want you to know so that you can tell me in a simpler manner.
17:16 Speaker 00 And then when I do, you'll say it was boring to listen to.
17:18 Speaker 02 No, I would never say that.
17:20 Speaker 00 You did twenty seconds ago.
17:21 Speaker 02 I didn't. Did, yes, and. I'm sorry, brother.
17:25 Speaker 00 There's a recording of you doing it.
17:26 Speaker 02 I'm sorry.
17:27 Speaker 00 There's a recorded record.
17:29 Speaker 02 I like that we like to read and that you read those types of books.
17:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, I loved your story about the nurses.
17:35 Speaker 02 But I do love walking, although I really resonate with that.
17:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, I love a good walk.
17:38 Speaker 02 Like, because when you sit down, you don't sit down and write stand-up. You like, just kind of rip.
17:43 Speaker 00 I don't really write stand-up.
17:44 Speaker 02 I, yeah, I, I have never really sat down.
17:48 Speaker 00 I like improvise the idea on stage, and then I continue to improvise it until it gets good.
17:53 Speaker 02 Then you memorize.
17:53 Speaker 00 And then I just kind of memorize it. I have sat down and written out my jokes before to get them in my head. But it's very rare that I'm like, sitting down and being like.
18:03 Speaker 02 Right, you're more writing them down to get them in order that you already, and you create them on stage, yeah.
18:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, and I'm never writing them out in full. I'm never going like, set up punchline transition.
18:13 Speaker 02 My mom's name is Kel.
18:15 Speaker 00 Right, I'm more writing like, guy you slept with above grocery store, or whatever.
18:21 Speaker 02 Right.
18:21 Speaker 00 And then I know that that's a five-minute bit.
18:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:24 Speaker 00 You know, I'm also bad at, the worst thing, my worst part of stand-up is the timing. I run the light every time. I don't know how long I've been up there, I don't know how long my jokes are. I'll tell the same joke in two different rooms on the same night. One time it's seven minutes, one time it's two. I just don't, I can't.
18:41 Speaker 02 I, yeah, we're not really script stand-ups, but.
18:44 Speaker 00 No, it's not what I'm doing.
18:46 Speaker 02 And that's all right. I think you've never bombed a day in your life, so I think you can run the light.
18:52 Speaker 00 Well.
18:53 Speaker 02 Unless, unless I'm waiting for my time and I'll just side-tackle you right off the stage.
18:56 Speaker 00 Yeah, would you really?
18:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:59 Speaker 00 I've never run the light when I'm bombing.
19:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, I think it's like.
19:03 Speaker 00 I would never do that.
19:03 Speaker 02 Well, I definitely have seen some people, actually.
19:06 Speaker 00 Well, yeah, because then they're trying to end on a laugh, and it's like, brother, you just gotta cut your losses.
19:09 Speaker 02 I just, yeah, I'm just like, get me out of here, and I need to go get some ice cream.
19:12 Speaker 00 Yeah. How often do you bomb?
19:17 Speaker 02 In my head, every day, um.
19:20 Speaker 00 I don't think I've ever seen it.
19:21 Speaker 02 I bombed so much when I was starting in Chicago. I remember like, going up. At the Laugh Factory for the first time and I totally, I tried to do all my gay jokes, totally bombed, walked home crying. And I was like, "I'm done with this." I'm like, "I'm never like slushy snow." I was like, "I'm just so bad at stand-up." And then the next day I was like, "Three shows tonight, let's go," you know?
19:45 Speaker 00 Yeah. I have a very, uh, a memory. I always thought that you were a star at the moment that I saw you perform. I just thought you were genius. But there was this one moment that I thought was so, you came and did, I had this show in Chicago with a bunch of friends called Studio Eleven.
20:00 Speaker 02 Dude, incredible show.
20:01 Speaker 00 I loved that show. Shelby Wolstein and I ran it together.
20:03 Speaker 02 Tell me what it was about first, because it's cool.
20:05 Speaker 00 Studio Eleven was new sketch material every week, every single week. We did brand new sketch material, a full like hour-long show with a great cast of like very funny, originally there were 11 of us. And me and Shelby Wolstein kind of like ran it and produced it. And then there were so many funny people. Grace Kuhlenschmidt was on it. Uh, at one point, Tom Simmermaker was on it. Uh, so many, so many funny people. Alex Collier, Lorraine Corwell, uh, Gregory, uh, fucking Vinnie was on it for a second, I think. Vinnie Thomas.
20:33 Speaker 02 Oh yeah, that's where I met Vinnie.
20:35 Speaker 00 And, and so many people that weren't on the cast were guests, like Sarah Squirm was on it, Meg Stalter was on it, like as guests, and Dairy Queen, like all of our friends of that moment were doing the show.
20:43 Speaker 02 Right.
20:43 Speaker 00 And there were weeks, basically it was kind of working out to where like, every other week or every couple of weeks, we would have like a really sold-out show. It was like a popular enough show, but then there would be like slow weeks. And you were booked to do it one week to do stand-up as a guest on the show. Because what we would do is we'd have like a guest musician, a guest drag queen, a guest stand-up. And then in between all that, we'd do our sketches. And then the gay members of the cast would do this, uh, segment called, uh, Queer in Events, where we would do, um, a news update for the week as like all gay people. And we'd only do like gay jokes about it. And, um, we wear like little suit jackets and like ties over our t-shirts and shit. It was silly. But you were the guest stand-up one week and you came out on stage and I guess the microphone wasn't working?
21:27 Speaker 00 And Alex Collier was like, "I'm gonna fix it, I'm gonna fix it." And there, it was, uh, maybe there were like 20, 30 people in the room. And you go, "I don't need it. You guys, I'm from Ohio." And you just start murdering without a microphone, which now I'm like, that's the correct thing to do. But at that time, I think so many people in our class of comedians didn't have that confidence and, and skill yet. Cause that's, that's what a true professional, like good killer does. And you just fucking started like screaming your jokes out to this room, killing without a microphone. And I was like, that person is incredible.
22:04 Speaker 02 Thank you.
22:04 Speaker 00 I was blown away. I was like, that's amazing.
22:06 Speaker 02 Thanks, bud. That's very sweet.
22:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, of course. Now I don't like you very much, but back then I thought you were the best. Yeah.
22:11 Speaker 02 You want me to meet Grindr? I get it.
22:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
22:14 Speaker 02 Well, I think I, I learned that from, uh, doing stand up on Putten Bay, the island in Lake Erie where I was like, they didn't have mics. I just went up and started screaming at drunk people.
22:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
22:24 Speaker 02 I got their attention.
22:25 Speaker 00 I got their attention.
22:26 Speaker 02 When I got to Chicago, I was like, now I gotta use a microphone and only do five minutes? This is crazy. Cause I would do like an hour just messing around.
22:33 Speaker 00 Out on the farm, they were just like, be free for me.
22:35 Speaker 02 The cows go moo and I go, ha ha.
22:41 Speaker 00 So you moved to Chicago to do comedy and then you went to, um, well, you went to Dayton first.
22:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, I went to Dayton for college, started, yeah, started doing stand up on like a bet. My friends were like, you can't do, uh, stand up without laughing at your own jokes. And I'm like, bet, let's do it. And they, they were right, but I did, I did get good at it.
23:00 Speaker 00 Lost that money, but.
23:00 Speaker 02 Actually, I was terrible at it. Oh my God, it was so bad, but you know, everyone is when they start. Well, not you, but. I mean, you, you started doing stand up and I was like, this kid, Shant doesn't have to do improv. He, he can just go improvise by himself. Like you can just do like the.
23:17 Speaker 00 I'm only good at stand up because I did improv.
23:20 Speaker 02 True, cause it makes your mind quicker.
23:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, I am only good at, I'm only good at comedy because I studied improv, period. There's no, there's no world where I get good at comedy without very, like to an embarrassing degree, earnestly studying improv. Like I had to believe in it so much to get good at comedy. There's no world where that doesn't happen. Oh, I believed in it.
23:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, you had like, I had all the Second City. Did you have all the Second City books?
23:44 Speaker 00 No, even worse. I thought, I was so into improv that I was like, Second City is corporate. Like I was like, I was like, I was like, I O is where the magic happens. Like I was worse than a Second City kid. I was a purist.
23:57 Speaker 02 I mean, the old I O was awesome. I remember going to that. Um, in Williamsburg, not Williamsburg, in, uh.
24:05 Speaker 02 Wrigleyville.
24:06 Speaker 00 I'd never been to that one.
24:07 Speaker 02 Oh, my god, it was magic. It was so cool.
24:10 Speaker 00 I really, I was.
24:11 Speaker 02 And then, talking about corporate, the aisle building that is now.
24:14 Speaker 00 But even still, I felt like long-form improv is like the magic. It's where the special stuff happens. I believed in like the promise that we make to each other on stage and the contract that we have with the audience. I believe.
24:25 Speaker 02 The contract.
24:26 Speaker 00 When you, when you say, I, you know, who was it? Maybe Susan Messing or Liz, um.
24:31 Speaker 02 Susan Messing, wow.
24:32 Speaker 00 I forget her last name, but she's such a good improv teacher. But, you know, people would say that every, every scene we ever do, in improv or otherwise, it all takes place on one long line that runs forever in both directions. It was here long before us and it'll be going long afterwards. I believed all that shit, you know? And I, and I still to some extent do, but I, yeah.
24:50 Speaker 02 You have a Hey Arnold shrine in your closet?
24:52 Speaker 00 Basically.
24:54 Speaker 00 Basically.
24:56 Speaker 00 Love Sharna too. By the way, why wouldn't I? She put me on the SNL showcase my first year.
25:00 Speaker 02 Holy crap.
25:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm like, hey, Sharna was cool to me. I love those dogs.
25:03 Speaker 02 I love those dogs. I was like, for real, the dogs be dogging.
25:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, people really hated Sharna and I was like, frankly, that's my girl.
25:09 Speaker 02 She was just more of a cartoon character walking around in my head.
25:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
25:12 Speaker 02 I never met her.
25:13 Speaker 00 Yeah. But did you, you didn't do the SNL showcase in Chicago, did you?
25:18 Speaker 02 No, I did it, uh, just the time that we did it.
25:21 Speaker 00 That we did it, yeah.
25:23 Speaker 02 I did the comedy studies program at Through Second City, which is like a semester of comedy, which was incredible.
25:30 Speaker 00 Yeah.
25:30 Speaker 02 It was awesome.
25:32 Speaker 00 Really?
25:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was like, you go to school like nine to five and it's all comedy, comedy history. You learn about like vaudeville and you write, writing, improv, and then you have acting class. It was amazing. You would have really loved it.
25:45 Speaker 00 I love that.
25:46 Speaker 02 You would have loved it.
25:47 Speaker 00 I remember when we screen tested for SNL, we did the showcase. I had come back to LA to do it and we did it and we, you and I, you and I got, we, we, we both did our sets, uh, the, the live show for the producers in LA. And then we both killed.
26:02 Speaker 02 I really felt great about that.
26:03 Speaker 00 Oh.
26:04 Speaker 02 If I, if I, I go, if I don't get it, I did the best five minutes that I could have ever possibly done.
26:08 Speaker 00 You and I got offstage, went into the green room and we were both very calm. We were like, we're like, good job, everybody. We'll see you later. We walked to my car. We're walking to my car vibrating. We get in my car, we get in my car and we're like, we fucking murdered.
26:19 Speaker 02 If they don't want us, they don't get us.
26:21 Speaker 00 They don't want to fuck them. We rolled down the windows, jammed the music. We drove to Black Cat to meet a bunch of our friends. We went to fucking a lesbian bar. Yeah, we were like, we were like, yeah, who knows if they'll call, who gives a fuck?
26:31 Speaker 02 Who gives a?
26:34 Speaker 02 Who gives it?
26:35 Speaker 00 And then when we came here to screen test, I had done it before. So you and I were talking a bunch about like what it was gonna be like. And then I remember I had told, I was like, Molly, I hope you get it, you know? And then you told me that you, you went to that church.
26:46 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
26:47 Speaker 00 You went to that church and like said a prayer or lit a candle or something?
26:49 Speaker 02 To Chris Farley.
26:50 Speaker 00 To Chris Farley's church?
26:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, and then it ended up being my curse at SNL. Everyone's like, you're like Chris Farley. And I'm like, well, maybe if I didn't pray to him.
26:59 Speaker 02 That one day. Oh, I was just like.
27:02 Speaker 00 When you told me you lit a candle, I was like, I'm not getting that job.
27:06 Speaker 00 I, I, I was in the green room during my screen test, talking to Devon. He was like, do you want this? I was like, not really.
27:11 Speaker 02 I'm like, I'm going to church.
27:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was like, ah, that's Molly's gig.
27:14 Speaker 02 I'm going to the cathedral and I'm saying prayers to all my dead people.
27:18 Speaker 00 We had a big ass steak dinner.
27:19 Speaker 02 Oh, my God, I remember eating that steak and I go, I can't afford this steak.
27:27 Speaker 02 Oh, oh, my God. And then I, yeah, then we went out after our test and I, we went to meet Lisa or some of our buddies at that little bar.
27:39 Speaker 00 Lisa, Marie, Sydney. Devin Walker was there, Mary Beth came because she's screen tested.
27:44 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
27:44 Speaker 00 And I, that night, God.
27:46 Speaker 02 Never forget, I will never forget.
27:47 Speaker 00 The most drunk I've ever been.
27:50 Speaker 02 Caleb was drinking, Caleb was drinking vodka cranberries like a kid after a soccer game with Capri Sun. You were like, I'm like, hey, bud, you might want to slow down.
27:59 Speaker 00 I was the ruin of my.
28:01 Speaker 02 You're like, let's go, let's go. And then we had to fly back to LA the next morning and you had like the hood on and I think you might have vomited in the.
28:08 Speaker 00 I threw up all night long.
28:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:09 Speaker 00 I threw up all night long and then I threw up at the airport.
28:11 Speaker 02 And then, yes, you did throw up at the airport, I do recall. And I was like, oh, this, I must take this in now because I think this will be the only time Caleb is more hungover than me in our life.
28:22 Speaker 00 It will be, yeah. It will be, yeah.
28:23 Speaker 02 And it'll be a memory that I take to the grave.
28:25 Speaker 00 That was brutal. I got so fucking drunk, I lost my shirt.
28:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, wait, what was that about?
28:31 Speaker 00 I lost my shirt. That's all.
28:33 Speaker 02 Where, where did it?
28:34 Speaker 00 I have no clue. I bought a, I bought a cute shirt for the screen test because I wanted to look nice on the camera. And I lost it.
28:41 Speaker 02 And I lost it?
28:42 Speaker 00 I got so drunk and I, I was hanging, I was like, I was like, I remember I said something to Marie Faust and I was like, I was, I was so drunk by the time she got there. I was like, I just think the world of you and I think we have to be friends, you know, and she was like, okay.
28:56 Speaker 02 Sure.
28:57 Speaker 00 We are, you know?
28:59 Speaker 02 Oh, Marie is so funny.
29:01 Speaker 00 Really, really insane. That was a blast though.
29:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was, that was.
29:05 Speaker 00 We lived in LA together for a little bit. I helped you move into your place.
29:08 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
29:09 Speaker 00 Which I'll never forget because you didn't tell me that all of your guys' furniture was brass or whatever. The heaviest.
29:14 Speaker 02 I didn't have any furniture.
29:15 Speaker 00 Well, whoever's furniture, I moved into that place.
29:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was like uphill steps, but I helped you move in, you and Shelby move in.
29:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, but our stuff was easy.
29:24 Speaker 02 No, it was a.
29:26 Speaker 02 Wait, yeah, Chance did too. I'm like, we were going up and down, up and down, up and down. And I'll never forget Shelby's 400 pound.
29:34 Speaker 00 Oh my god, the stove.
29:36 Speaker 02 I'm like, the stove, I'm like, Chance and I looked at each other and we're like, not, not a chance, you weren't even trying this.
29:43 Speaker 00 No, we hired movers that said they wouldn't do it. Like.
29:46 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, that's.
29:46 Speaker 00 Shelby has a 400 pound, oh, more. I mean, that thing.
29:49 Speaker 02 Still with her?
29:50 Speaker 00 I, I'm sure it is. Shelby has this stove that her mom or somebody gave to her that she has moved everywhere and she moved it. With the, we lived together two places in LA and both times I was like, Shelby, I will do anything you want to get rid of the stove.
30:05 Speaker 02 Give it up.
30:06 Speaker 00 Get rid of the stove. I mean, no one can move it. Three professional movers couldn't move it.
30:11 Speaker 02 And like when it went cross country, the U-Haul was probably just like.
30:14 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:15 Speaker 02 Like the, the wheels were like.
30:16 Speaker 00 I'm surprised it didn't break through the U-Haul and fall out. My god, yeah. The, the stove is horrible. So many people have fallen victim to the stove.
30:25 Speaker 00 And by the way,
30:26 Speaker 02 It's taken out.
30:27 Speaker 00 You're thinking, oh, is it operable? Nope, it's decorative.
30:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's decorative. Is there anything in there?
30:32 Speaker 00 No.
30:34 Speaker 02 I thought it was a safe.
30:35 Speaker 00 No. Decorative 8,000 pound stove. Really crazy move. Love Shelby to death. Love you, Chica. Get rid of that stove if you still have it. That's crazy.
30:45 Speaker 02 Wait, can we talk football for a second?
30:47 Speaker 00 Of course we can talk football for a second.
30:49 Speaker 02 Um, how are you feeling about this weekend? Or is it probably, or how did? Oh, we're in the future. Sorry, sorry.
30:58 Speaker 00 Molly just spun themselves out in such a major way.
31:03 Speaker 02 Go Browns!
31:04 Speaker 00 We're recording before the Bills play the Chiefs.
31:06 Speaker 02 Right.
31:07 Speaker 00 Uh, they've beat us once this season.
31:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:10 Speaker 00 Are they the one team we've lost to or we lost two games?
31:12 Speaker 03 Well, we lost to the Broncos in the last week when all of the starters were rested.
31:16 Speaker 00 Right, so we lost two games, but yeah.
31:18 Speaker 02 It counts, because you lost.
31:19 Speaker 00 It counts, it counts.
31:21 Speaker 02 Well, we won, we won three. And, and, and, and our quarterback is not a good man, so I'm actually more of a Lions fan.
31:32 Speaker 00 Oh, well, you know how to pick them.
31:34 Speaker 02 Well, it's closest to Cleveland.
31:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
31:37 Speaker 02 And I like their colors.
31:38 Speaker 00 You know, I texted Stavi after the Ravens, uh, biffed it. I texted Stavi and said.
31:46 Speaker 02 We've never met, but I'm looking forward to shaking his hand.
31:49 Speaker 00 I text Stavi and I said, you are loved and important to many. Please don't make any permanent decisions about the game. He texts me back and said, I appreciate it and it goes without saying, I want nothing but pain and suffering for you.
32:01 Speaker 02 I know, it is kind of like, I mean, like, give it a rest. Travis Kelsey is, is, I hope he's my friend, but he's from Cleveland.
32:09 Speaker 00 He's your friend and he's from Cleveland. Shout out Trav.
32:12 Speaker 02 So technically, go Browns.
32:15 Speaker 00 Technically go Chiefs, because he plays for the team.
32:18 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
32:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, if you think about it, it could have been go Eagles, but Jason's retired.
32:22 Speaker 02 LeBron James!
32:23 Speaker 00 LeBron! LeBron!
32:27 Speaker 02 That man single-handedly took Cleveland out of the dirt.
32:31 Speaker 00 Yeah, he brought you guys up.
32:32 Speaker 02 That's right.
32:33 Speaker 00 He put you guys on. That's what Pat's doing for Kansas City right now.
32:35 Speaker 02 I agree, and I'm happy for Kansas City because it is, it does remind me a lot of Cleveland when I came to your house.
32:39 Speaker 00 Thank you.
32:40 Speaker 02 And spent time there.
32:41 Speaker 00 Finally, some credit.
32:42 Speaker 02 And learned how to play madam. Mat- madam, madam.
32:44 Speaker 00 Learned how to play madam. Well, Freudian slip there.
32:47 Speaker 02 Wait, I love madam. Hey, madam!
32:50 Speaker 00 No, Molly, playing madam is what you were doing before. The transition. We're done playing Madam.
33:01 Speaker 00 No, brother. Playing Madam's in your past.
33:04 Speaker 02 No, but let me, let me paint the picture. We're at Caleb's house and he's like, we're just kinda hanging out. We're on, we're in vacation mode. He's like, you wanna play some Madden? And I was like, I never played. He goes, take a seat. And we're playing. He sets the vibe. He lowers the light. He puts on cool lighting. It's snowing outside or something. I don't know.
33:23 Speaker 00 Something nice.
33:24 Speaker 02 And he, he's, he puts on Madden. He's like, alright. And then he puts on this like cool soothing music and we're just playing Madden. And I go, this is the best day of my life.
33:33 Speaker 00 Dude, I always put music on the background. I don't listen to the game. I listen to music.
33:36 Speaker 02 I totally respect that. And then we bought Xboxes together.
33:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, and you haven't played me.
33:40 Speaker 02 Uh, but I just got a headset, so I'm ready to duel.
33:43 Speaker 00 Nice. I wanna duel. I'm not gonna do a headset. I don't listen to people talk when I play.
33:46 Speaker 02 Well, I got a lot to say.
33:49 Speaker 00 I can't listen to people, cause I, I'll go to a place. I did a headset when I was.
33:53 Speaker 02 You go to a dark place?
33:54 Speaker 00 I'll be mean.
33:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't actually don't.
33:56 Speaker 00 I'll call people the F slur. I, I don't like the way I behave on there. I can't be listening or talking. I gotta just play. You wanna do a voicemail?
34:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, I would love to.
34:03 Speaker 00 Let's hear a voicemail. I'm trying to get better at doing these.
34:05 Speaker 02 Oh, I, I'm, I would love to.
34:07 Speaker 00 How's my hair look? Is it still in place? Yes, sir. Nice.
34:12 Speaker 00 Put those on for me, Maul.
34:13 Speaker 02 Woo, let's do it.
34:14 Speaker 04 Hi Caleb and lovely guest. This is Peter. And I wanted to know the truth about salt. Why is it in everything? Why is everything that tastes good to have salt in it? What was the deal in like the Bible where people would turn other people into pillars of salt? That's crazy. That doesn't make any sense. What the heck? Um, huge fan. Love you, love your work. And I, I'm sure I love you as well, esteemed guest, as every guest that Caleb has. It's wonderful. Um, I hope you have a great day and I'm looking forward to hearing back from y'all. Peace.
34:53 Speaker 00 Really superfluous.
34:54 Speaker 03 Thanks.
34:55 Speaker 00 Really, really chatty guest. You know what that reminded me of? I'll get into the question in a second. But I had a flight attendant on my flight here the other day, gay flight attendant. No worries.
35:04 Speaker 02 Gorgeous.
35:05 Speaker 00 Who, gay guy flight attendant, who was being real nice to me, okay? And I was like,
35:09 Speaker 02 In a gay way?
35:10 Speaker 00 I was like, either he wants to fuck me in the bathroom, or he knows who I am. Or both. And, uh, so he's real nice to me the whole flight, and then, uh, doesn't say anything. And then, like about, you know, knowing me or wanting to sleep with me. And then towards the end of the flight, he like comes over to hand me a snack and drops off a postcard. And in the postcard he had written on the back of it, he was like, he was like, "Diva. Diva doll queen." Not kidding, I'm not kidding. It says, "Diva, period. Diva doll queen." "I am such a huge fan. I've been trying to play it cool. Hopefully I've been cool. Thank you for being on this flight." And then like, and it was like, "I watch your stuff all the time." And then was like, wrote his name. It was really sweet.
35:50 Speaker 02 That is precious.
35:51 Speaker 00 Isn't that sweet?
35:51 Speaker 02 That is precious.
35:52 Speaker 00 Kinda sounded like this guy. I was like, maybe this is my flight attendant.
35:54 Speaker 02 Oh my gosh!
35:55 Speaker 00 But it wasn't.
35:56 Speaker 02 How do we know?
35:56 Speaker 00 The name is different.
35:57 Speaker 02 Okay.
35:58 Speaker 00 Um, salt. Well, it's delicious, tasty.
36:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, like, oh, why is this like, breakfast sandwich so good? It's because it's douse.
36:06 Speaker 00 Salt is everything. You know, when you go to restaurants and you go, "Why is the way they make this better than the way I make it? Butter."
36:12 Speaker 02 Salt.
36:12 Speaker 00 Salted butter. They put salted butter on everything to an extent that you cannot imagine.
36:17 Speaker 02 Who's out there buying unsalted butter?
36:19 Speaker 00 Freaks.
36:19 Speaker 02 Shame on you.
36:20 Speaker 00 Freaks and Mormons.
36:21 Speaker 02 Shame on, freaks and Mormons.
36:23 Speaker 00 And they're allowed to have salt. I just don't think they enjoy anything. Mormons. Sorry Mormons.
36:27 Speaker 02 Eh, I'm sorry.
36:28 Speaker 00 We got a lot of Mormon fans. You believe in hell?
36:30 Speaker 02 I don't know if I believe in hell, but I do think there'd be bad people and they, they gotta go somewhere.
36:34 Speaker 00 You think bad people get punished in the afterlife?
36:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, I think they'd come back maybe as, some days I'm like, oh, they come back as like ants and I'm the one stepping on them. Or...
36:43 Speaker 00 That's nice.
36:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, or they're just like, you know, as they taught in Catholic school, they're burning alive down there.
36:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, down there. I've started to experiment lately with the idea that maybe everyone gets what they deserve. Like, maybe everyone just gets what they deserve. Maybe nice people get something nice, maybe bad people get something bad. Maybe medium people get something medium. You know what I'm saying?
37:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, but like, then, there's such good people that so many bad things happen to them, I'm like...
37:08 Speaker 00 No, but that's, they're good people, so they would get good. I'm not saying you don't-
37:11 Speaker 02 After death, you mean?
37:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm saying after death.
37:13 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, no, not in life, certainly no. There's plenty of good people that get bad things and bad people that get good things. I'm saying, I've been experimenting with the idea of like, we don't know what happens after we die, we all get to decide for ourselves. So I've been starting to experiment with the idea of, what if everyone gets what they deserve? That'd be kinda nice. Maybe if you spend your life being nice to people and doing good, and I'm not talking about being a fucking saint, but if you're a saint, maybe you get something saintly. You know, and if you're a devil, maybe you get something devilish.
37:38 Speaker 02 Ooh.
37:38 Speaker 00 Maybe hell exists for hellions.
37:40 Speaker 02 Hellions.
37:41 Speaker 00 And then good for good people.
37:42 Speaker 02 Hellions rise!
37:44 Speaker 00 Maybe me and all my friends will be in an alt comedy scene after this is all over. You're good at outfits, you know that?
37:50 Speaker 02 No, bro.
37:51 Speaker 00 You are.
37:51 Speaker 02 I got a couple good ones, but I appreciate that.
37:53 Speaker 00 You match a hat with a shirt real well.
37:54 Speaker 02 I'm learning.
37:55 Speaker 00 You match a hat with a shirt.
37:55 Speaker 02 Thank you, I've been learning that.
37:57 Speaker 00 You do that well.
37:58 Speaker 02 Tom from SNL helped me a lot learn how my fashion. Learn how I share my outfits.
38:02 Speaker 00 To put a hat with a shirt.
38:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:04 Speaker 00 I love that, Tom.
38:05 Speaker 02 I love Tom.
38:06 Speaker 00 Who's Tom?
38:07 Speaker 02 Tom is, uh, I believe he's a producer as well, but he's been at SNL for over 20 years and he just dresses everybody so nicely.
38:13 Speaker 00 Gay guy?
38:14 Speaker 02 Of course.
38:15 Speaker 00 Yeah, I would never expect to be a straight guy.
38:16 Speaker 02 Only the smartest of men.
38:18 Speaker 00 Straight guys, they can't do what we can do, those gay guys.
38:22 Speaker 02 I'd like to see my dad try to dress himself.
38:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:25 Speaker 02 Just kidding, we wear the exact same clothes.
38:26 Speaker 00 Yeah, nice, get him. Yeah, get your father, yeah.
38:29 Speaker 02 Got his ass, got his ass.
38:30 Speaker 00 Gather your dad.
38:31 Speaker 02 Literally, we wear the same size pants.
38:33 Speaker 00 Gather your dad, who you adore, get him. God, I wish your mom was here.
38:37 Speaker 02 Me too, and-
38:38 Speaker 00 Right here in this chair.
38:39 Speaker 02 Oh, I know, she really does.
38:41 Speaker 00 Should we call her?
38:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, you should.
38:43 Speaker 00 I'll call her, see what she says.
38:44 Speaker 02 You really should. She texted me, I texted her this morning.
38:48 Speaker 00 You guys talk a lot. You guys are kinda close.
38:51 Speaker 02 We are close.
38:52 Speaker 00 Okay, this is who we're calling.
38:54 Speaker 02 I'm dead, she's beautiful.
38:55 Speaker 00 She's so beautiful, I love her. Let's see if she answers. If she doesn't answer me, it's gonna be kinda drama, right?
39:00 Speaker 02 I think she knows I'm here, I told her yesterday.
39:03 Speaker 00 What's her nickname?
39:04 Speaker 02 Marg.
39:05 Speaker 00 Marg.
39:07 Speaker 02 Retired Marg is her handle.
39:10 Speaker 01 Hey Caleb, what are you doing?
39:12 Speaker 00 Hey Marg, what are you up to, queen?
39:14 Speaker 01 I'm getting my haircut.
39:16 Speaker 00 What? Why? Your hair looks great.
39:19 Speaker 01 I'm going to, I'm going, Kevin and I are going on a cruise.
39:21 Speaker 00 Where to?
39:23 Speaker 01 Oh, gosh, the Caribbean.
39:25 Speaker 00 Oh, gosh. Well, I'm recording my podcast with Molly. You're on the podcast.
39:30 Speaker 01 I am?
39:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
39:32 Speaker 02 You're a star, mom.
39:33 Speaker 00 Uh, we just wanted to say hi. We were just saying we wish you were here. We were thinking about you.
39:39 Speaker 01 Oh, you're so sweet. Thank you.
39:41 Speaker 00 I wish we-
39:41 Speaker 01 I'm talking to my, uh, my hair guy about the depressing depression that we're having over the next four years and what we should do about it. We're trying to solve the world's problems here in the haircutting chair.
39:53 Speaker 00 Is your, is your hair guy gay?
39:56 Speaker 01 Yes. He's lovely.
39:58 Speaker 00 Single?
40:00 Speaker 00 Single?
40:02 Speaker 01 Yes.
40:02 Speaker 00 Alright, maybe you make some-
40:04 Speaker 01 No, no, no, no.
40:05 Speaker 00 Oh. Alright.
40:06 Speaker 02 What about for a night?
40:07 Speaker 01 Caleb, I keep looking for you. I really do.
40:10 Speaker 02 She has been fucking crazy.
40:12 Speaker 00 Well, we're, ugh, we love you so much. We're gonna let you get back to it, but we miss you.
40:16 Speaker 01 Alright, thank you.
40:17 Speaker 02 Love ya.
40:17 Speaker 00 Bye.
40:18 Speaker 01 Love you guys. Okay, take care, stay warm. Bye.
40:22 Speaker 02 She literally, she's like, "I'm looking for Caleb."
40:25 Speaker 00 I love her!
40:27 Speaker 02 And you know what? Maybe, maybe he's, he's just doing so well right now and a good man's gonna come.
40:32 Speaker 00 I love her.
40:33 Speaker 02 I hope she does find you one in Cleveland so that we can reside there.
40:36 Speaker 00 He's gonna have to move to New York or Kansas City, one or the other.
40:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, but we'll buy property in Cleveland.
40:39 Speaker 00 We can buy property in Cleveland.
40:40 Speaker 02 On the lake.
40:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, I've got property everywhere. I'm buying up properties. I wait until something bad happens.
40:45 Speaker 02 Mr. Monopoly, where's your mona- where's your monocle?
40:47 Speaker 00 Yeah, I wanna start renting out to people at, um, extortionist rates.
40:51 Speaker 02 Absolutely.
40:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
40:52 Speaker 02 Raise that rent!
40:53 Speaker 00 Raise the rent! Raise the rent!
40:56 Speaker 02 That should be twenty dollars!
40:58 Speaker 00 Yeah! Molly, I got a segment for you here. You ready for this, brother? Honestly, whenever I listen to this part, I get so anxious. And I don't want anyone to judge me on my knowledge of anything. Just go as quick as you can and you'll be fine. Okay. Trust your gut. Do I count on my fingers? I'm gonna- When I listen, I count on my fingers. Alright. I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false. You ready? Yeah. Scotland is a larger landmass than Greenland. False! False. The yo-yo was invented in 1866. True! True. Better Call Saul ran for more seasons than Breaking Bad. False! True. LeBron James attended St. Vincent-St. Mary High School. True. Lake Erie is the smallest Great Lake. True! False, it's Lake Ontario. Oh, wow, shit! It's the most shallow!
41:42 Speaker 00 Facebook is older than Olivia Rodrigo. True! False. A ham sandwich was the first food eaten in space. What? A ham sandwich? False! False, pureed meat. The Lincoln Zoo, the Lincoln Park Zoo is in Chicago, the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago is free to visit. True! True, there are 17 stars on the Ohio flag.
41:59 Speaker 00 False! True. A crocodile cannot move its tongue. Oh, true, false! True. Fuck! Golden Crow was originally a taco stand.
42:08 Speaker 00 False! False. Cleveland is nicknamed the Forest City. False! True. Uma Thurman's real first name is Becky. What? True! False. What the fuck? Before selling backpacks, JanSport sold knives. False! False. The Geico Gecko's name is Gary. False! False, it's Martin. How'd they do? What the? I knew I wasn't gonna win!
42:33 Speaker 00 You did great. I think I just had a stroke. You did great, buddy. Oh, I'm sorry I swore so much, mom. No, she'll love that. No, she's gonna hate that. And I'll be getting a text and sue you, probably. Not my swearing. You know what I've just been thinking about? I just, was it Chance that I told this to? I don't know who I told, no, it was my friend Kevin. I have been, become re-obsessed with an Eminem lyric. Tell me. One of my favorite Eminem lyrics of all time, and I'm not gonna get the words exactly right, but the gist of it is, uh, he like does it like a mocking voice, and he's like, Will Smith doesn't have to cuss to sell his raps, or whatever. Will Smith doesn't have to cuss in his raps to sell records, and then he says- This is so funny that I'm doing this right now. That I'm like stepping out in Eminem lyric.
43:16 Speaker 00 Will Smith doesn't have to cuss to sell, doesn't have to cuss in his raps to sell records. And then he says, well, I do, so fuck, fuck Will Smith and fuck you too. That line is so beautiful to me.
43:26 Speaker 02 It's crispy.
43:27 Speaker 00 I do have to cuss. I feel that way about clean comedians. I don't have to cuss to be funny. Well, I do, so fuck you.
43:32 Speaker 02 I, I catch myself cussing a ruck.
43:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, you cuss a ruckus.
43:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, I do.
43:36 Speaker 00 You talk like a sailor. It's unbecoming of a day.
43:38 Speaker 02 I do, I do.
43:39 Speaker 00 It's a, not a non-binary person, not a proper way to behave.
43:43 Speaker 02 I know.
43:44 Speaker 00 You need to clean it up, brother.
43:46 Speaker 02 Frick.
43:47 Speaker 00 Frick. See, but that works for you. You have a very cute way about you.
43:50 Speaker 02 Thank you. So do you, though.
43:51 Speaker 00 You can do like frick. I, people need me to curse, I think.
43:54 Speaker 02 I, I do need you to be swearing.
43:56 Speaker 00 I have a bit of a, I have, there's an edge to me that people need the curse words.
43:59 Speaker 02 Should I not swear? Is it too hard to see?
44:01 Speaker 00 No, it's not too hard to see. It's just that you're lucky. You're true verse. You can get away with being cutesy.
44:05 Speaker 02 That's the kind of thing.
44:06 Speaker 00 If I say like, gosh dang it, people are like, what?
44:08 Speaker 02 I should put that in my bio.
44:09 Speaker 00 Yeah.
44:10 Speaker 02 I'm a true verse.
44:11 Speaker 00 True verse. Can get away with cussing or not.
44:15 Speaker 00 I don't like when people replace cuss words with something too cutesy, though.
44:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, like, oh, like crapola.
44:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, that pisses me off.
44:26 Speaker 02 Oh, well, crud.
44:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
44:28 Speaker 02 Crud? Ugh.
44:29 Speaker 00 Or when people say stinking.
44:31 Speaker 02 Oh.
44:32 Speaker 00 I'm so stinking angry right now.
44:34 Speaker 02 I'm stinking tick.
44:34 Speaker 00 Shut the hell up.
44:36 Speaker 02 I do like how you're ticking me off.
44:37 Speaker 00 Ticking me off is good.
44:38 Speaker 02 Ticking me off so much.
44:39 Speaker 00 There's some, there's some good ones. Like, one of my favorite ones is good night. Good night is a fun one. Good night is a fun one.
44:47 Speaker 02 Good night.
44:47 Speaker 00 Good night, or goodness.
44:50 Speaker 02 Good.
44:51 Speaker 00 Those are fun. You can really, you can launch those at somebody.
44:53 Speaker 02 Or what's the Jesus, there's one for Jesus, holy ma, I like holy mackerel.
44:58 Speaker 00 Jiminy Christmas.
44:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jiminy.
45:00 Speaker 00 Something like that.
45:01 Speaker 02 That's a little too much for me, one, actually.
45:03 Speaker 00 Oh, you think?
45:04 Speaker 02 Jiminy Christmas, I'm like, just knock it off.
45:05 Speaker 00 All right. You seen anybody?
45:08 Speaker 02 No.
45:08 Speaker 00 No? Looking?
45:10 Speaker 02 Single.
45:11 Speaker 00 Looking for something?
45:12 Speaker 02 I'm looking at myself in the mirror right now.
45:16 Speaker 00 I'm looking at the man in the mirror.
45:17 Speaker 02 That's right.
45:18 Speaker 00 Not even looking for some casual fun? What can, what can I do for you? You know, we got a lot of, we got a lot of listeners who'd be interested in your whole thing.
45:25 Speaker 02 I'm always looking for casual fun. Cause I ain't dressing up, hon.
45:30 Speaker 00 Oh, Molly, you're bad.
45:33 Speaker 02 I'm back, baby.
45:35 Speaker 00 Molly, you are too much. But be serious.
45:39 Speaker 02 Okay.
45:40 Speaker 00 You want a girlfriend?
45:42 Speaker 02 Not right now.
45:43 Speaker 00 Nice. I'm just asking, because you know, there's a lot of lesbians who watch the show.
45:46 Speaker 02 But I, I think you're all really beautiful.
45:48 Speaker 00 God. It's like watching Michelangelo paint.
45:53 Speaker 02 Put me belly up, let me paint your ceiling, you know?
45:56 Speaker 00 Do you know what I love? Well, no. I like that.
46:02 Speaker 00 You probably don't know about this, because you're not on Grindr.
46:04 Speaker 02 No.
46:05 Speaker 00 There's a thing that really hot guys do on Grindr, where they'll be like, if I don't, if I don't respond, my loss, you're beautiful. And I'm like, you need to go to prison. You don't.
46:14 Speaker 02 People put that in their bios?
46:15 Speaker 00 They'll be like, if I'm not into you, it's my loss, you're still beautiful. Something like, something like that. That's like a hot guy thing to do on Grindr. That's really gross.
46:22 Speaker 02 That, that's not a hot guy thing to do. That's a gay guy, and that's a gay thing to do.
46:26 Speaker 00 That's a sick, okay, I get them.
46:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's gay.
46:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, go ahead.
46:29 Speaker 02 Gay.
46:30 Speaker 00 Yeah.
46:31 Speaker 02 I, I have been bringing that back a little bit.
46:34 Speaker 00 Gay?
46:34 Speaker 02 I like, yeah, I'm like, wow.
46:36 Speaker 00 Gay? I've been doing.
46:39 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, I know, I've been seeing it.
46:40 Speaker 00 The F slur.
46:41 Speaker 02 Hearing it, seeing it, loving it.
46:42 Speaker 00 I like the F slur quite a bit.
46:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, because like, what, like sometimes, a couple of years ago, my mom would be like, oh Molly, you're acting a little queer.
46:50 Speaker 00 Queen.
46:50 Speaker 02 That's so queer.
46:51 Speaker 00 Queen.
46:51 Speaker 02 And I'm like, Mom, you mean like, I'm acting gay, or I'm acting like, weird? She's like, well, you're already gay, so you're acting weird.
47:00 Speaker 00 Yeah. And I go. She's the fucking queen.
47:02 Speaker 02 Okay.
47:02 Speaker 00 That's my president. Your mom is my president.
47:05 Speaker 02 She cooks. She's good.
47:06 Speaker 00 She's fucking real. I do like, it's fun to be a part of a community that has a word that only you're supposed to use.
47:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that too.
47:12 Speaker 00 Special thing.
47:13 Speaker 02 It is special.
47:14 Speaker 00 Yeah.
47:14 Speaker 02 Because it's like, try, say it back.
47:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, say it back. And if you do, that's fine, I don't really care, but I.
47:18 Speaker 02 I do. I'll, I'll go like this right in your neck.
47:21 Speaker 00 Really?
47:22 Speaker 02 No.
47:23 Speaker 00 You ever been in a physical fight?
47:24 Speaker 02 No, but man, in my dreams, sometimes I, I wake up and I'm punching, so I'm always trying to look. Do you ever wake up like, when you're like?
47:31 Speaker 00 Never.
47:32 Speaker 02 What?
47:32 Speaker 00 Not once in my life.
47:34 Speaker 02 You've never woken up like, by, by punching or kicking?
47:36 Speaker 00 No.
47:38 Speaker 02 Oh, I do it often.
47:38 Speaker 00 Is that normal? Are you doing that? Are you doing that? Okay, so there's something going on in the mask community. Yeah, that's weird.
47:48 Speaker 02 Community. Yeah, yeah, it's like, and then I wake up and I go, God.
47:51 Speaker 00 Despite your voice and your overall vibe and your energy, you're quite soft.
47:56 Speaker 02 I, yes.
47:58 Speaker 00 You're a softie.
48:01 Speaker 00 You like walk into a room and you're like, "I'm Molly Carney." And then it's like.
48:06 Speaker 00 And I'm like, "How you doing Molly?" And you're like, "I'm okay." You know? You got, you got a very sweet, soft energy.
48:11 Speaker 02 I do have this weird thing where people like to do my impression at me. It happens like often.
48:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, well, you have a very, uh, you have a very, you have a very unique thing.
48:21 Speaker 02 Thank you, sir.
48:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, you have, you have a big burly voice and a, and a unique perspective. So it's fun to do that.
48:28 Speaker 02 And you're, you're a softy too.
48:30 Speaker 00 No.
48:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, when, when you really get to talking. Oh, I mean, you tough ass.
48:37 Speaker 00 No, no, I am, I am, I am. I just, I think you're a, you're a quite a bit softer than I am. You're real, you're a real sweetie.
48:44 Speaker 02 Thanks, buddy.
48:45 Speaker 00 And me?
48:46 Speaker 02 Well, you just, you just. That's a chisel on an ice.
48:50 Speaker 00 That's what that is?
48:52 Speaker 02 And then you get in there and you're like, "Come here."
48:54 Speaker 00 "Come here, brother."
48:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
48:55 Speaker 00 You know what I'm gonna do after this?
48:56 Speaker 02 You gotta work for it, for you.
48:58 Speaker 00 You know what I'm gonna do after this record?
48:59 Speaker 02 Give me a hug?
49:00 Speaker 00 I'm gonna give you a hug and then I'm gonna get omakase.
49:02 Speaker 02 Me too, I'm coming with you.
49:03 Speaker 00 I've been, yeah?
49:04 Speaker 02 Sure.
49:05 Speaker 00 I'm going to a place in your neighborhood.
49:06 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
49:07 Speaker 00 Yeah, so I wish you would.
49:08 Speaker 02 Okay.
49:09 Speaker 00 I love omakase. And I've been on a big omakase kick. I love it. I like that they pick.
49:14 Speaker 02 They do?
49:15 Speaker 00 Omakase is, that's what it is. They select.
49:16 Speaker 02 Perfect.
49:17 Speaker 00 You say, "Here's seventy-five dollars if you're lucky." You say, "Here's seventy-five dollars." And they say, "I'll bring you sushi." And then they just pick.
49:25 Speaker 02 Oh, I love that. I'm starving.
49:26 Speaker 00 The only thing I tell them, when I do omakase, the only thing I tell them is, "No eel. I don't like eel."
49:32 Speaker 02 I, I, you know what I tell them? I, I go, "Nothing's too spicy."
49:35 Speaker 00 Really? I love spice.
49:36 Speaker 02 Ooh, I can't, I can't. I'll, I'll do it, I'll do it.
49:39 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:39 Speaker 02 But I don't wanna do it.
49:40 Speaker 00 It messes you up?
49:41 Speaker 02 But I'll, no, I just. Like it freezes me.
49:45 Speaker 00 Chance told me he hasn't been able to keep food down lately.
49:47 Speaker 02 What? Are you all right?
49:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm fine.
49:50 Speaker 02 What's going on?
49:51 Speaker 03 I don't know. We'll see.
49:53 Speaker 02 Are you coming out, coming out of your mouth or your?
49:58 Speaker 03 It's a lot of vomiting.
50:00 Speaker 02 Oh buddy.
50:02 Speaker 03 It's gonna be fine.
50:02 Speaker 02 Is it gluten?
50:04 Speaker 03 I don't think so.
50:05 Speaker 02 I don't know.
50:06 Speaker 00 He hates that I brought it up.
50:08 Speaker 02 Maybe you have celiac.
50:09 Speaker 03 I brought it up.
50:10 Speaker 02 It comes with people when we get older out here.
50:12 Speaker 03 Well, somebody told me it might have been norovirus. Like, that's a thing that it's like a symptom of norovirus is that you have like gut issues, but mine have been going on longer than what norovirus would have lasted.
50:22 Speaker 02 What if, what if you started it all?
50:25 Speaker 03 You think I'm patient zero?
50:26 Speaker 00 You're patient zero for norovirus, yeah.
50:28 Speaker 03 Okay.
50:29 Speaker 00 You also could just be getting old.
50:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm very old.
50:31 Speaker 00 How old are you? You're pretty old.
50:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm thirty-four.
50:34 Speaker 00 So, did you go through anything like this, vomiting for a while?
50:37 Speaker 02 No, no. It skipped my generation.
50:40 Speaker 00 Yeah, it skips a generation in the family.
50:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, it skips a generation.
50:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, well shit. Well shit, y'all.
50:45 Speaker 02 Shit, y'all.
50:46 Speaker 00 Oh Molly, is there anything you want to tell the people about? We're almost wrapped up here.
50:51 Speaker 00 Oh, Molly, what's so true to you?
50:52 Speaker 02 Oh, what's so true to me?
50:54 Speaker 00 I forgot the premise of the show.
50:55 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
50:56 Speaker 00 This show. This show is not properly run on my end. Everyone else does an incredible job. I'm telling you, I have a team of people around me doing this show. Case in point, case in point, Virginia, case in point, everybody case in point. And I am not good at this show.
51:09 Speaker 02 Hey.
51:10 Speaker 00 They run this show like a tight ship and I come in goofy and I don't do the show.
51:15 Speaker 02 I would, I would have remembered.
51:17 Speaker 00 Alright, what's your so true? What's so true to you?
51:19 Speaker 02 Um.
51:20 Speaker 00 Molly Carney, what's so true to you?
51:21 Speaker 02 So true to me, I think Catholic school made me kinda gay.
51:24 Speaker 00 No shit. Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll agree with that, brother. Didn't you go to an all-girls school?
51:29 Speaker 02 I sure did.
51:29 Speaker 00 Yeah, like a beet of honey.
51:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was like.
51:32 Speaker 00 That's crazy. They shouldn't have let you in there.
51:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, it was fantastic. It was the best four years of my life.
51:38 Speaker 00 Do you have any, do you have any, uh, do you have any dalliances, any romances at the school there?
51:42 Speaker 02 God, no.
51:43 Speaker 00 Oh, really? I thought girls were just kinda doing it.
51:46 Speaker 02 I was like this.
51:47 Speaker 00 Oh, you were scared?
51:48 Speaker 02 Yeah. I mean, I didn't get my wisdom to that because I was afraid I was gonna say I was gay. I didn't drink alcohol because I thought I was gonna get drunk and say I was gay. Actually, this is how I'm gonna say it.
51:59 Speaker 00 Hey buddy, you were driving a minivan to lacrosse practice.
52:02 Speaker 02 I was.
52:02 Speaker 00 And I've seen, I know, and I've seen pictures of the way you dressed. You didn't need to get drunk to make that statement.
52:08 Speaker 02 I was the goalie catching gals and balls, not ball, not lacrosse balls.
52:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, of course.
52:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, um.
52:15 Speaker 00 You ever slept with a guy?
52:16 Speaker 02 God in heaven.
52:19 Speaker 02 Put some respect on my gay ass name, sir.
52:22 Speaker 00 That's gold star, Carney, to you.
52:24 Speaker 02 That's a gold star.
52:25 Speaker 00 I love that.
52:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
52:26 Speaker 00 So you weren't getting drunk because you were worried you'd come out as gay? But you were still wearing those outfits, huh?
52:30 Speaker 02 Correcto.
52:31 Speaker 00 Correcto.
52:32 Speaker 02 Man, I was, I was cooking.
52:35 Speaker 00 When did you come out? Now I'm just curious.
52:37 Speaker 02 Twenty-one.
52:38 Speaker 00 When you were twenty-one years old at Dayton?
52:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:40 Speaker 00 Studying theater?
52:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:42 Speaker 00 Once again, I'm just kind of surprised that it took all that time.
52:45 Speaker 02 No, for sure, for sure. It was, um, I think it wasn't a surprise to anyone.
52:49 Speaker 00 Yeah. That's beautiful, Maul.
52:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:52 Speaker 00 And now look at you.
52:53 Speaker 02 I love being gay. I'm a gay wad.
52:56 Speaker 00 I love that.
52:57 Speaker 02 Caleb and Molly.
52:59 Speaker 00 Don't call me a gay wad.
53:00 Speaker 02 A bunch of gay wads. Gay, gay, gay wads.
53:06 Speaker 00 That's actually kind of beautiful. Why do you, Loki, have a good singing voice? There was a little bit of a gay, gay, gay. There was a little bit of a...
53:12 Speaker 02 You have a great singing voice.
53:13 Speaker 00 There's a timber in there that I liked.
53:15 Speaker 02 You have a great singing voice.
53:16 Speaker 00 Come on.
53:16 Speaker 02 Stop it. Come on.
53:20 Speaker 00 Don't start.
53:24 Speaker 00 Don't do this, I'm shy.
53:26 Speaker 02 Don't be shy. Be my guy. Come on.
53:31 Speaker 00 Ooh. Kevin and Anna and I were watching a football game the other night at my house in Kansas City. And Kevin's like, do you have a guitar? And I was like, yeah. And I brought the guitar out and we all started, he starts playing and then we all just started writing a song together. So we're, we're watching the Ravens game and then being like, this part should go like this. And then we wrote a song about, I can't tell you what it's about, but...
53:49 Speaker 02 Come on.
53:50 Speaker 00 I can't because it's not...
53:51 Speaker 02 Oh, it's not prepared yet?
53:52 Speaker 00 I'll tell you off mic. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. Some things are secret because it's not always my business to tell. Um, well, tell people where they can find you, Mauls.
53:59 Speaker 02 Meet Brick Molly on Instagram. Meet Brick. Meet like a pile of meat.
54:06 Speaker 00 Yeah. I don't know about pile, yeah.
54:08 Speaker 02 Um, yeah. See what's cooking there.
54:11 Speaker 00 See what's cooking.
54:11 Speaker 02 I gotta stop saying that too much. That Gen Z's in my brain.
54:14 Speaker 00 No, I like it. And I love you so much and thanks for being on the show.
54:16 Speaker 02 Thanks for having me, everybody.
54:17 Speaker 00 Love you.
54:18 Speaker 02 Love you.
54:18 Speaker 00 Bye.
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