Pod Insights So True with Caleb Hearon Carly Kane Loves Crystals About this episode Welcome, friend! Our guest this week is the hilarious Carly Kane! Carly and Caleb talk everything from touring together, Tarot cards, a certain obsession of her dad’s, and so much more!
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Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud
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So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.
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Transcript 12,879 words · 8 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Let's be honest, you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up.
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1:15 Speaker 06 This is a HeadGum Podcast.
1:19 Speaker 06 I know how you guys think of me. You think I'm this serious...
1:23 Speaker 07 I don't think you're serious.
1:24 Speaker 06 You think I'm this... You think... You think I'm this serious guy who's, "Oh, Caleb doesn't believe in crystals." Well, I don't, but...
1:41 Speaker 06 Carly Kane.
1:42 Speaker 07 Hi.
1:43 Speaker 06 What do you... Okay, what do you think of us?
1:46 Speaker 07 Of you, of the whole team?
1:48 Speaker 06 Of us, me and you. Like, what are we?
1:51 Speaker 07 I mean, you know what I want us to be.
1:54 Speaker 07 You know that you're the only man I would date.
1:56 Speaker 06 That's not true.
1:57 Speaker 07 But you kind of want nothing to do with me. You don't even like hugs from me.
1:59 Speaker 06 I do like hugs from you.
2:01 Speaker 07 I don't know.
2:01 Speaker 06 I don't like hugs from you when you, like, start to get chills and goosebumps and stuff.
2:06 Speaker 07 What do you mean? Because, like, when am I getting chills and goosebumps?
2:09 Speaker 06 Like, sometimes I give you a hug and you're like... You, like, melt into it in a way that's like, "Oh..."
2:13 Speaker 07 Yeah, because I love you.
2:14 Speaker 06 Remember that it's platonic.
2:15 Speaker 07 I know, and then sometimes I'll try to, like, squeeze your shoulder and you make me feel like I've done something weird. I've been like really getting my head about it for days. I'm like, should I not? Like, I should have asked consent before I squeezed his shoulder. Wait, speaking of chills, do you want to hear what my first tattoo is?
2:28 Speaker 06 Yeah.
2:28 Speaker 07 It's so embarrassing. I don't even know why I'm saying this. So it's in French.
2:31 Speaker 06 Yeah.
2:32 Speaker 07 And the F is a trouble clef.
2:33 Speaker 06 J'ai pratiquement français.
2:35 Speaker 07 Bonjour.
2:36 Speaker 06 Bonjour. T'es solé?
2:38 Speaker 07 It's the word frisson, which is when you get chills when you listen to music. And the F is a trouble clef.
2:44 Speaker 06 That's beautiful.
2:46 Speaker 07 I got it when I was 19.
2:47 Speaker 06 That's beautiful. That's nothing to be embarrassed of.
2:51 Speaker 07 It's literally humiliating.
2:52 Speaker 06 No.
2:55 Speaker 06 That's beautiful what you did.
2:57 Speaker 07 I know. So I, I guess I do kind of relate to getting chills a lot, you know?
3:00 Speaker 06 God, to know you when you were 19, I would do, I would give anything.
3:02 Speaker 07 I was really a horrible person.
3:04 Speaker 06 What?
3:04 Speaker 07 I was getting arrested all the time.
3:09 Speaker 06 What crimes were you doing?
3:11 Speaker 07 Fake IDs, a lot of weed.
3:13 Speaker 06 Those are not even crimes, dude.
3:14 Speaker 07 Well, in Florida, they were because I was in jail. A couple of times.
3:19 Speaker 06 Our country's so silly. You can't have a fake ID and weed when you're a teenager? What the, what the hell is the point?
3:26 Speaker 07 I know.
3:27 Speaker 06 Oh, but meanwhile, you got guys that are inside trading stocks.
3:30 Speaker 07 Yeah.
3:31 Speaker 06 And are walking free.
3:32 Speaker 07 Absolutely.
3:33 Speaker 06 I don't like the guys that do that stuff, the financial crimes. I like guys who do, I like guys who do weed.
3:41 Speaker 07 I'm fine with tax fraud. I mean, I just feel like it's like, I wish that more um, non-millionaire billionaires could get away with tax fraud.
3:49 Speaker 06 Yeah, that's the issue. You can really only do tax fraud when you have a team.
3:52 Speaker 07 Exactly.
3:54 Speaker 06 Dude, I spent my, if my early twenties were about not looking into things that surely aren't right.
4:02 Speaker 06 My late twenties into my early thirties have certainly been about paying the price.
4:08 Speaker 06 The number of things, the number of things that have gone ahead and come back around. And when I was 23, I said, ah, whatever, man, it'll be what it'll be.
4:17 Speaker 07 Oh my God, I, I can't relate more. I mean, the, the calls I get from the hospital about being in there for poison oak, getting my appendix removed. I mean, I haven't paid anything.
4:25 Speaker 06 Well, you fall down a lot.
4:28 Speaker 07 I do, I'm falling out of trees.
4:29 Speaker 06 I will say, every time I see you, you've got like a new ailment. You've got like a new, and it's not, people were thinking like, oh, Carly, maybe she has like an immune system thing. No, it's not a new ailment like that. It's like, I'll see Carly and she'll have like a broken fibula. And I'll be like, how? And she'll be like, oh, I was in a clowning class and Jeremiah pushed me into the bumpers and then, of course, I fell down the stairs. And anyway, it was a lot of, it was fun.
4:54 Speaker 07 No, I mean, yeah, this time last year shattered my thumb, did a day where I skied and surfed in the same day. My thumb was hanging off of my.
5:02 Speaker 06 Shattered my thumb.
5:04 Speaker 07 And my friends were like, get up and get on the board. And I was like, okay, yeah. My thumb was literally like.
5:10 Speaker 06 Who was with you?
5:11 Speaker 07 My friend Tyler.
5:12 Speaker 06 Tyler? He's such a sweetie.
5:14 Speaker 07 I know, it was a bunch of boys. They were like, pick it up.
5:16 Speaker 06 Boys. Boys are such an insidious concept.
5:20 Speaker 07 So, so insidious. I was, I was at dinner with six of them last night.
5:24 Speaker 06 What?
5:25 Speaker 07 I know.
5:26 Speaker 06 Why?
5:27 Speaker 07 I, I'm a pick me.
5:30 Speaker 07 I'm a lesbian pick me.
5:34 Speaker 06 Something so funny about self identifying as a pick me. Oh, well, I do this kind of stuff because I'm a pick me.
5:41 Speaker 07 Male validation is literally the highest drug you can get.
5:44 Speaker 06 Male validation is king. I need it to live.
5:47 Speaker 07 Don't want to sleep with them at all, but goddamn.
5:49 Speaker 06 Oh, my god, that's beautiful. I don't think I'm a pick me. Do you think I'm a pick me?
5:54 Speaker 07 No, you hate men.
5:56 Speaker 06 Nice.
5:58 Speaker 06 I don't actually really need them. I love men, but I don't like that I love them, you know?
6:03 Speaker 07 I feel like you love them in a very specific way.
6:06 Speaker 06 Well, sexually.
6:11 Speaker 06 Oh, there's a specific way, all right.
6:14 Speaker 07 Because I'm like, how many, I mean, you actually have a lot of guy friends, but you, you have so many friends that it's actually.
6:20 Speaker 06 I have a lot of guy friends, but I don't respect any of them.
6:22 Speaker 07 No, no, you don't.
6:24 Speaker 06 You're fine.
6:26 Speaker 07 I mean, you have so many friends that it's literally like, I'll be like, hey Caleb, like, what are you up to today? And you're like, actually, I have like a 30 minute window, but I'm getting six dinners, I'm going to the circus tonight, and then a late night opera. And it's like, what the fuck are you talking about? And you're like, this is my actual, the most free time I have. And then I'll be like, I actually can't do that 30 minute window. And you're like, okay, you want me dead?
6:45 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah, let's tell the actual truth, which is that, which is that, yes, I'm busy, but I'm friends with a bunch of, uh, waifish, witchy lesbians like you. A bunch of, a bunch of fucking, uh, on the verge of being non-binary women, who at any day are gonna throw a they into the mix.
7:02 Speaker 07 I've really been thinking about it.
7:07 Speaker 06 Who are gonna fucking, who are gonna fucking text me all the time and be like, hey, sorry, I'm just really holding space for myself today. Like, I can't do breakfast, you and Holmes, they already threw the they in. Fucking, oh my god, with the holding space and the taking time.
7:20 Speaker 07 I have never said holding space.
7:21 Speaker 06 I'm sorry, I'm too tired to come out tonight, I'm just exhausted from processing all the ways in which... It's like, fucking get up and come meet me at this bar. What are we talking about?
7:31 Speaker 07 No, there has been a lot of, uh, a lot of processing.
7:37 Speaker 06 You, we went on tour together.
7:38 Speaker 07 We did.
7:39 Speaker 06 What was your, I want you to be so fucking for real right now, what was your experience of going on tour together?
7:44 Speaker 07 I had an absolutely amazing time. It was truly one of the best experiences of my life. I can't believe we flew to a new city almost every day. I mean, that was one of the most like, uh, it felt so opposite of like what hu- like humans should do.
7:56 Speaker 06 Oh, we shouldn't have been doing it.
7:57 Speaker 07 Yeah, but I had literally the best, I mean, it was amazing. Your fans are obsessed with you, they cry.
8:02 Speaker 06 My fans loved you.
8:03 Speaker 07 No, they did. And I really felt that. But, I mean, we got to see so much, I loved spending time with you. I could tell I was slow.
8:10 Speaker 06 What do you mean?
8:10 Speaker 07 Slow-moving.
8:11 Speaker 06 Yeah, you, but I, hey, I loved having you on tour, it was the most fun. But yeah, if you're gonna bring up the speed, there was a situ- there was multiple situations where I was like, really?
8:24 Speaker 07 No, yeah, you, you definitely were like, pick up the pace, you know? A couple times I left my wallet in the Uber, we chased it down.
8:30 Speaker 06 You're, you're disaster-adjacent.
8:34 Speaker 06 Your want to be, yeah.
8:37 Speaker 07 And you kind of run on Caleb time where you're like, we're going now.
8:39 Speaker 06 Yeah, it's not, it's not a great match. You're one of my best friends in the whole world, obviously, just so people know. But we are an odd, funny kind of odd couple because you are so prone to something hilarious and slapstick happening, and I am so not having it, you know?
8:56 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
8:57 Speaker 06 Like, I'm like, we need to go. And you're like, you're like, oh, sorry, my phone's on the, it's, it's, I got lost in the ceiling. It's a long story. I'm like, what?
9:05 Speaker 07 I mean, yeah, that's the thing. Like, we definitely traveled really well together, but like, definitely you're extremely organized and timely, and I'm sort of, you know, to my wallet.
9:13 Speaker 06 I just want to track also that that the phone in the ceiling is the second time that I've struggled to come up with a bit. And I want the listeners at home to know, I'm not losing my touch. We're recording this at 9 a.m. Do you know, do you know how bad I felt for myself that I had to get up at the time that most people get up today?
9:28 Speaker 07 I know. When we did the times, I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe Caleb's gonna be up. I hope he's okay.
9:32 Speaker 06 Yeah, I was at, I was at a show until 1 a.m. last night.
9:35 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz you sent a text at 1 a.m. and I'm like, goddamn it, go to bed, buddy.
9:38 Speaker 06 Yeah.
9:41 Speaker 07 You're like, just organizing like a small dinner. It's like 15 of us in the group chat. It's 1:00 in the morning. I'm like, people, people, and the thing is, people are up. They're waking up for you. People get a text from you and they...
9:50 Speaker 06 No, they're in L.A., so they're already up.
9:52 Speaker 07 Oh, okay.
9:52 Speaker 06 Mind you, my arm did not go off this morning. I woke up to chance ringing my doorbell.
9:57 Speaker 06 He walks in, he's like, good morning, buddy. I was like, uh, hey. I've got like marks on my face from the way I was sleeping. I was like, hey, I'm gonna try to make time for a shower.
10:08 Speaker 07 The, what was your, the funniest thing that happened on tour, would you say?
10:12 Speaker 06 The funniest thing that happened on tour, well, I don't think I've talked about this on here, but, okay, the Chicago into Nashville of it all. Do you remember?
10:21 Speaker 07 Of course, I'll never forget.
10:22 Speaker 06 We, dude, and, and chime in if I'm missing anything. We, at this point, we're what, like halfway, three-fourths of the way through the tour?
10:30 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Chicago was such a high.
10:32 Speaker 06 Chicago was like, what did we plan? Oh, we did three nights at Lincoln Hall.
10:35 Speaker 07 Yeah, it was amazing.
10:35 Speaker 06 That was like a dream come true.
10:36 Speaker 07 So many friends coming.
10:38 Speaker 06 Oh, my God, how fun. And we had a show on the last night we were in town, and then, so let's say the show was on Friday night, and then we had a show Saturday night in Nashville. And my team gets pretty comfy with the routing. And my team gets pretty comfy with the dates. They will have me, they will have me in Minneapolis one night, and Baton Rouge the next.
11:02 Speaker 07 I know, I, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I'm in New Orleans tonight, but tomorrow, Vancouver.
11:06 Speaker 06 Truly, it's, yeah, but, I mean, I asked for it, but, so we do the Chicago show, we have so much fun, and then we go out with a bunch of people, and I was like, out with a guy that I was kind of seeing at the time.
11:19 Speaker 07 There was a magician at the bar, too.
11:21 Speaker 06 There was what?
11:21 Speaker 07 A magician.
11:22 Speaker 06 Well, I don't think I talked to that. We go out, we stay out real late, and then, what happens? Oh, you go home and go to bed, you go back to your place and go to bed. I go to my hotel with this guy, we're up like, you know, we're like making out, we're like, I'm thinking we're gonna hook up, we've hooked up before, so it's not like a new thing. But before we can hook up, I get a text from the airline. No, I got the text at the club, didn't I?
11:45 Speaker 07 Yeah.
11:45 Speaker 06 Oh, my God, and I still took this guy home.
11:47 Speaker 07 You were at the club.
11:47 Speaker 06 I was still at the club, so we're still at Berlin.
11:50 Speaker 07 You weren't even kissing in the hotel yet.
11:51 Speaker 06 We were kissing in the club. I'm making out with, I'm making out with this guy, I'm making out with this guy at Berlin, and then I get a text at the club that says, your flights have been canceled to Nashville. And I go, huh. And then I go, I text Carter and I go, flights were canceled, I'll deal with it later. Put my phone away, went back to dancing, stayed for another hour or two, took him back to the hotel, should not have taken him back, probably should have focused on the flights. We are making out in the hotel room. He's like, you should probably deal with those flights. I'm like, well, you know, we've got this other thing going on. So then, so then he and I are doing our thing, and then you're asleep.
12:31 Speaker 07 Fully.
12:31 Speaker 06 You're asleep, as you should be. I find us a new flight on an airline that I don't like to fly. Let's just say, I don't, it's an airline that I don't love to fly, I'm not gonna name them, but they don't give you an assigned seat. And they do things a little differently, and the difference is, it sucks.
12:55 Speaker 06 Yeah, we have our own special way of doing things around here and it's called a hell on earth.
13:00 Speaker 06 But it was the only flight that would get us to Nashville on time. But the flight is at 5 a.m. and I think our original flight was gonna be like 10 or 11 or something. So I book our, both of our flights. I cancel because they had rebooked us on a new flight for the original airline. And by the way, the details of this are very fun for the listeners. I cancel both of our flights. I book both of us new flights. I don't go to sleep because I have to pack. So now I'm throwing all my stuff in my suitcase. I throw all my stuff in my suitcase. I zip it up real tight. And it's, I only travel with a carry-on at that time. Now I'm getting more into checked bags, but I only travel with a carry-on, so it's real tight, right? Then I get in the car. I call you. I'm like, Carly, get up. We got the flight. I come and get you. When I get, when I go to get in the Uber, do you remember this part? When I go to get in the Uber, my suitcase snaps in two.
13:44 Speaker 07 And the thing is, I just want to say that I was asleep the entire time. So none of this affected me. I wake up and you're like, I'm just have all these texts, flight canceled, handling it later, at the club, back with the guy. Okay, I'm outside.
13:56 Speaker 07 And I was like, I was reading, it was like a haiku.
13:59 Speaker 06 You're like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, okay. Then you come outside. My, so what I had to do was my bag has split in half. Everything has spilled out of it, okay? Everything onto the ground. So mind you, it's 4, 4, 5 in the morning. I'm throwing the shit back in the suitcase. I take the suitcase like a sandwich, stuff it in this guy's trunk and then come get you.
14:16 Speaker 07 Yep.
14:16 Speaker 06 And then you get in and you go, hey, how's it going? I go, my bag broke. I can't talk about it. Then we get to the airport and I have to throw the suitcase away, didn't I?
14:26 Speaker 07 Yeah. And do you remember what bag you used?
14:27 Speaker 06 I had to use a laundry sack.
14:28 Speaker 07 You used the laundry sack, which I had a lot of trauma about because that laundry sack, one load, cost me $85. And I called them. I tried to cancel. I got really, really pissed. And so I was like, well, thank fucking god this finally worked out because I, that was a pit in my stomach. Paid $85 for probably three shirts and a sock.
14:44 Speaker 06 Well, you paid $85 for three shirts and a sock and my new checked bag.
14:51 Speaker 06 So this laundry service that we use in Chicago is like a paper, it's like a paper bag that I put, I had to throw away like two pairs of shoes in my suitcase. Cause I didn't want to cancel on Nashville. And Nashville, you better love me. And so we, I checked the paper bag with my remaining shit in it. By the way, I have to carry it like a baby.
15:08 Speaker 07 Yeah, it's like a, it's like a full sack.
15:10 Speaker 06 It's like a sack. I have like a rucksack, basically. I look like a fucking bindle. So then I checked my laundry bag to get on the bad airline. We get on the bad airline, we take the flight, then I land and find out that something has happened. I'm not gonna say whose fault it was. It's no one in this room, but something has happened at the venue that they overbooked the show by like 75 seats. And I don't think it was their fault. I think it was like the fire marshal's fault.
15:36 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a fire.
15:37 Speaker 06 I think the fire marshal came and like rezoned it or something. So basically they were like, do you want to cancel on 75 people? Or do you want to add a late show the day of? And I was like, so the question is, do I want to cancel on 75 fans? Or do I want to do a show for 75 people in a 400 seat room? Both sound like I'd rather get stabbed in the fucking head. So, but I was like, I'm not gonna cancel on the people. So then we add a late show. So now we, I have not slept in, I don't know how many days. My bag is, I have checked a laundry sack. We have flown the worst airline in the world to Nashville. Then we get to Nashville and they won't let us check into the hotel.
16:11 Speaker 07 Well, and also no one's working at the hotel.
16:13 Speaker 06 It's one of those.
16:14 Speaker 07 It's a beautiful place, but it's like you walk in, it's just this music. Also, we're sitting there, right? We're both completely destroyed. It's like I'd never felt that way in my life and I slept. And Caleb, you're sitting there, you get a phone call from a friend, okay?
16:26 Speaker 06 My friend is going through a breakup.
16:27 Speaker 07 Your, your friend is going through something really traumatic and you talk to her for probably an hour. And I was like, what is going on with him?
16:32 Speaker 06 Yeah. So I'm, we're, we're sitting in the lobby of this hotel and this, this is literally what I look like. Like I've been to war, I haven't slept in days. We've been through like travel hell.
16:42 Speaker 07 And you're giving the best advice I've ever heard.
16:45 Speaker 06 I'm literally being like, no, if, if they were meant to be, they would, mmm. I'm like truly about to just vomit and cry. Like I'm so, I really don't want to leave them hanging. So then Carly's laughing at me, making fun of me, being like, hang up the phone. Then I think, I don't remember what I said to you, but at one point, I was like, I was...
17:02 Speaker 07 You were like, get us in.
17:05 Speaker 07 You go find someone that works here and get us in.
17:07 Speaker 06 Yeah.
17:07 Speaker 07 And I go, okay. I'm like haunting the halls of this like empty hotel that's just playing Green Day. It's like, it is beautiful, but it's like, kind of what is the business model here?
17:15 Speaker 06 Yeah.
17:15 Speaker 07 And then I finally find somebody that's cleaning one of the rooms. And I was like, please, this is what we had. Like, can you please let us in? And she's like, I can't. And I was like, I can't go back down there.
17:25 Speaker 06 I can't return to him empty handed.
17:27 Speaker 07 Until we get a room. And she's like, okay, okay, like, I'll let you in.
17:30 Speaker 06 That's so fucking funny. I literally turned you in desperation and I was like, figure it out. Solve it. And then we, we got into that room. We closed all the blinds and we went to, immediately to sleep.
17:41 Speaker 07 And then we, like, I made a cup of coffee in there and it was like, I, I'd never been hard, hit harder by caffeine in my life.
17:45 Speaker 06 We had the worst coffee in the world, but it tasted like a gold elixir. We woke up to that coffee because we had to sleep up until the show.
17:53 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah.
17:53 Speaker 06 Have hotel room coffee and then go do a double header.
17:56 Speaker 07 Yeah.
17:57 Speaker 06 Oh my God.
17:58 Speaker 07 I, yeah. I mean, I think for me, it was, uh, the, the funniest moment was the, the hotel in Austin, when there were the loud people next door.
18:07 Speaker 06 Oh. The whole episode is gonna be me and Cara talking about this tour. Dude, that, okay, dude, yeah, go ahead, tell that. That's so fucking funny.
18:14 Speaker 07 So me and Caleb are trying to sleep. It's like, it's like a wonderful hotel. We're in Austin.
18:17 Speaker 06 Nice hotel. Very nice hotel.
18:19 Speaker 07 Very nice hotel.
18:19 Speaker 06 Paid a lot for it.
18:20 Speaker 07 Thank you, Caleb.
18:21 Speaker 06 No, not if, I'm saying like, people should be behaving.
18:24 Speaker 07 Totally. And, um, I'm trying to get over my people pleasing tendencies. The people next to us are screaming, they're so fucking loud. And I look at Caleb and I'm like, should I go over and say?
18:32 Speaker 06 Well, hold on. Mind you, can I interrupt you to tell, to remind you? And, and also tell the listeners, my friend, uh, Andre, who had come to the Austin, who had come to the Austin show, got his car towed during the show. And when we went to hang out with him afterwards, he was like, my car's towed. And we were like, that's the night. We, he was, he was like, you guys go ahead. I was like, no, we're going with you.
18:52 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:52 Speaker 06 And then we went to get his car untowed.
18:54 Speaker 07 We were off roading.
18:55 Speaker 06 We got driven around in the bed of a truck in a field in Texas by the, by the tow truck guy. So we've had a night in Austin to begin with, which was like, by the way, the best night we could have had.
19:04 Speaker 07 Yeah, it was so much fun. Yeah, he was amazing. And then we go back to the hotel and I'm like, Caleb, I'm gonna knock over and like, say that we have like a newborn in here and we're trying to sleep. And you were like, I guess. And I was like, no, like, I was really needed you to like, build me up to do it. And you were like, I really don't care.
19:20 Speaker 06 Did we say that the noise they were doing was sex? Did we say that part? Do you remember that part? They were fucking.
19:26 Speaker 07 That happened after.
19:27 Speaker 06 Oh.
19:28 Speaker 07 They were talking loudly and playing music and I was like, okay, I'm gonna go over. I'm in a robe.
19:33 Speaker 06 Yeah.
19:33 Speaker 07 I'm like trying to like look tired.
19:34 Speaker 06 You looked insane. You'd, I don't know that there was much trying that had to be done. I love you to death. You looked, you looked like bad.
19:42 Speaker 07 I did. I looked like I, I just had a newborn.
19:44 Speaker 06 Well, we, we both looked bad. We were, we were going through hell.
19:49 Speaker 07 So I go next door, I knock and the guy opens and I'm like, hi, like, are you having fun tonight? Like, we have a newborn next door and like, we're just trying to sleep. I, dude, but don't mind keeping it down. He was like, oh my God, of course, of course, I'm so sorry.
19:59 Speaker 06 The door is open, so I'm just in bed, trying so hard to be asleep after these like days of madness. And I just hear Carly being like, Carly like over explaining, being like, it's a baby, so it was just born. So it's like, so it's like a baby and it needs quiet because of the night. And I was like, I'm, I'm, I'm crying laughing.
20:16 Speaker 07 I'm like, I'm having a little postpartum depression.
20:22 Speaker 07 And then I get back in the room, I'm like, I did it Caleb. And like, and you know, again, you're just kind of like, whatever, girl. And then we're trying to go to sleep. They start having the loudest, most performative sex.
20:32 Speaker 06 It was fuck you sex.
20:33 Speaker 07 It was fuck you sex.
20:34 Speaker 06 It was fuck that baby sex.
20:36 Speaker 07 It was insane. I was fuming and I'm like, Caleb, you know, he's hitting it from behind. Like, listen to him smacking her ass. And you were like, shut the fuck up.
20:45 Speaker 06 Carly, I'm still trying to fall asleep and Carly was like, oh great, he's giving her back shots. Carly's like, Carly's like play by play color commentary-ing their sex. I'm like, you're making it worse. Carly's like, I can hear his balls smacking her fucking gooch. I'm like, Carly, I need to go to bed. And that was, we had the Austin show that, the night of that.
21:06 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:07 Speaker 06 And then we were off to somewhere the next day.
21:09 Speaker 07 Yeah, we left early in the morning and I like, I was like, I want to get revenge. And you were like, maybe just not, like.
21:13 Speaker 06 Yeah, I was like, let it go.
21:15 Speaker 07 I think I like banged on the wall.
21:16 Speaker 06 Were they hot? You never told me.
21:18 Speaker 07 No.
21:18 Speaker 06 Fuck, I wanted them to be hot. If they were hot, it would have been like so fun to hear them have sex, you know?
21:22 Speaker 07 Well, you were not having it. You were like their straight stop.
21:24 Speaker 06 Yeah.
21:25 Speaker 07 You were like, you're kind of like, you were like, are you into this? And I was like, no, I'm.
21:28 Speaker 06 Also, if you're ugly, it's like, you shouldn't be having loud sex.
21:31 Speaker 07 Yeah.
21:32 Speaker 06 Like, do that shit in, like, in silence.
21:34 Speaker 07 It was, um.
21:35 Speaker 06 If you're ugly, don't have loud sex.
21:37 Speaker 07 No.
21:37 Speaker 06 Right? It's like.
21:39 Speaker 07 If you're ugly, well, I do feel like when people are ugly, they're not making much noise during sex.
21:44 Speaker 06 Ugly people?
21:44 Speaker 07 Yeah.
21:45 Speaker 06 Well, they shouldn't be making noise at all.
21:46 Speaker 07 I've had sex with a couple of them.
21:47 Speaker 06 Ugly people?
21:48 Speaker 07 Hmm.
21:48 Speaker 06 I have never.
21:49 Speaker 07 Really?
21:50 Speaker 06 I've never slept with an ugly person.
21:53 Speaker 06 Not once, because I know I can't.
21:57 Speaker 07 I had a lot of low self-esteem when I used to sleep with men, so.
22:00 Speaker 06 But here's the thing, a lot of what, see, because some, you have to understand, I think so many people are hot.
22:06 Speaker 07 No, you do have sex with a lot of hot people. You're not, you, you have really high standards.
22:11 Speaker 06 But I have slept with many different types of people. I just have never slept with an ugly person.
22:15 Speaker 07 Yeah, I can't relate to that.
22:16 Speaker 06 You name them, short, tall, fat, skinny. I've, I've got a couple of different genders in there. I've done it. But none of them have been ugly. You say a lot. Wait, who are your ugly people? Name them by first and last name.
22:30 Speaker 07 No, I won't do that. I don't even remember some of their names. They were so that unmemorable.
22:35 Speaker 06 No, I'm kidding. I, I've slept with people whose names I did not know when we slept together.
22:41 Speaker 06 That's just being a gay guy, I think.
22:42 Speaker 07 I, it's like crazy. I used to sleep with so many men.
22:46 Speaker 06 That is crazy.
22:47 Speaker 07 I would just try, I was like, I'll like it eventually, you know?
22:49 Speaker 06 Yeah. Huh. That was really sad, what you said. Did you feel that that was sad?
22:54 Speaker 07 I, I didn't.
22:55 Speaker 06 Okay.
23:00 Speaker 06 Okay, well, just know it's hitting the ears. It's hitting the ears a little sad, love.
23:05 Speaker 07 Yeah, no, that, that's, that's fair.
23:07 Speaker 06 What is your sexuality?
23:09 Speaker 07 I don't know. I mean, I, I feel like it's like, uh, I, I feel very much like a lesbian, but it's like, will I have a slip up? Probably.
23:16 Speaker 06 Slip up, okay.
23:17 Speaker 07 Yeah. I think I do, and it would spin me out for about a month.
23:20 Speaker 06 Yeah.
23:23 Speaker 07 But it's been about six years.
23:24 Speaker 06 A lot of my gay friends are having slip ups these days.
23:27 Speaker 07 Well, is it like lesbians specifically, or like gay men too?
23:30 Speaker 06 Well, the gay men aren't doing it, but they're talking about it. I've got, I, I can't tell you the number of coffees I've gone to in the last year where a gay guy says, I've been thinking, maybe, maybe I want to sleep with a woman. And I think it's, I think it's because being a gay man is such a nightmare curse sent from hell.
23:49 Speaker 06 You know, I've always, I've been saying, being gay is the biggest gift that God ever gave to me. It was sent to me by the universe. It enriches my life in ways you can't even imagine. Being attracted to men is a curse from the devil sent to destroy me.
24:01 Speaker 07 It absolutely is.
24:03 Speaker 06 And that's what gay guys are going through.
24:05 Speaker 07 Totally.
24:05 Speaker 06 But when lesbians slip up, I go, what are you doing?
24:09 Speaker 07 Totally. That's why I don't know. I think it's like more in my head, but I, uh... What was I gonna say to you? Um, I do feel like, do you feel like gay men are maybe a little more bisexual than they let on?
24:19 Speaker 06 Maybe, yeah. Bi is, yeah, bi is real and a lot of people are doing it and bi, yeah, so maybe.
24:24 Speaker 07 You're not a fan, though. I know.
24:25 Speaker 06 No, I am. I'm good on bisexuals.
24:28 Speaker 07 That's new.
24:28 Speaker 06 No.
24:31 Speaker 06 No, it's good. It's historic and, and constant.
24:33 Speaker 07 I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll talk to Caleb and I'm like, I feel like my sexuality could be a little, maybe a little more fluid than I thought and you're like, I, I don't really, we can stop talking now.
24:41 Speaker 06 No.
24:44 Speaker 06 I want everyone to be gay. I do think being gay is the highest accomplishment you can do on earth.
24:49 Speaker 07 I agree.
24:49 Speaker 06 I think being a gay guy or a lesbian and just keeping it nice and tight in those boxes, I think it's the highest thing you can do on earth. I think it's the greatest achievement. I think it's like achieving Nirvana.
24:58 Speaker 07 Totally.
24:59 Speaker 06 You know, and I think stepping outside of that is like, I just feel you're falling from grace a little bit. But I know that people do and that's okay. We're not all perfect.
25:08 Speaker 07 No.
25:08 Speaker 06 If you're straight, I think that's the most base, vile, disgusting thing you can do, but I know some people who are doing it in like a cute way.
25:16 Speaker 07 It's very few and far between.
25:18 Speaker 06 Yeah, like my friends Nancy and Tom.
25:20 Speaker 07 Okay, I love that.
25:21 Speaker 06 They're straight, but like they're doing it in like a very fun way, you know?
25:24 Speaker 07 Again, these are like friends, I, you, you just have so, so, so, so many friends.
25:28 Speaker 06 You know Nancy and Tom, I think.
25:30 Speaker 07 Do I?
25:31 Speaker 06 Maybe. They rollerblade a lot.
25:32 Speaker 07 I don't know Nancy and Tom.
25:35 Speaker 06 They're great. They're one of my favorite straight couples. They're one of my favorite straight couples.
25:39 Speaker 07 Okay, I love that.
25:40 Speaker 06 You know those, those, um, tent pole straight couples that we all have in our lives that we're like, you guys are the good ones?
25:45 Speaker 07 No, I do have a couple of those where I'm like, God, I really respect you and it's so good to see that this is a good relationship.
25:49 Speaker 06 Yeah. Oh, God, a good relationship. Oof.
25:52 Speaker 07 Uh, yeah, I do have a hard time listening to people talk about men, like when they're dating them, I'm like, I really, I'm not the one. I'm like, I don't know why you're picking me, but.
26:01 Speaker 06 Please don't pick me.
26:02 Speaker 07 I'm like, please don't pick me.
26:03 Speaker 06 Skip me.
26:04 Speaker 07 I'd rather hear about the worst woman in the world.
26:06 Speaker 06 Yeah, than the best.
26:07 Speaker 00 Let's be honest. You don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up.
26:21 Speaker 06 Yes, man. That's really fucked up.
26:23 Speaker 07 Why?
26:24 Speaker 06 Just cause like, boys are going through a lot right now.
26:26 Speaker 07 I know. The patriarchy harms men too and I don't give a fuck. No, I do care, sorry.
26:31 Speaker 06 Carly.
26:31 Speaker 07 I do care about men. I, I got dinner with six of them last night.
26:34 Speaker 06 That's true. Oh my God. Well, I want you to be a lesbian for as long as you can be.
26:38 Speaker 07 No, I, I think I will be. I, I just, I, I think I have this fear of like, um. Saying I'm a lesbian and then like, oh.
26:45 Speaker 06 Who did you vote for? In the most recent election, presidential?
26:51 Speaker 07 I'd rather not say. Who did you vote for?
26:54 Speaker 06 Trump.
26:57 Speaker 06 Now, could you imagine?
26:58 Speaker 07 No, I voted for Kamala.
26:59 Speaker 06 You voted for Kamala?
27:00 Speaker 07 Yeah.
27:01 Speaker 06 Okay.
27:01 Speaker 07 Did that surprise you?
27:03 Speaker 06 Uh, yeah, no, not really. I, I, I, yeah, I don't, I don't, hmm, I don't know. I don't really think about stuff like that. I'm kind of apolitical.
27:12 Speaker 07 Yeah, you definitely are apolitical.
27:13 Speaker 06 I don't really think about politics and stuff like that.
27:15 Speaker 07 Yeah, no, neither do I.
27:17 Speaker 06 I think, uh, standing politicians is such dork, loser, ass, weirdo behavior.
27:23 Speaker 07 Ugh, politicians, it's like you should have just been in high school theater. Like, you make me sick.
27:27 Speaker 06 Yeah, but people, there's this whole culture of like standing politicians, where people are like, like even with the Kamala, obviously Trump and JD Vance have their stands. Kamala too, though, I'm like, people being like obsessed with them and wearing their faces on shirts and shit. I'm like, if you're not 18 to 21 years old, I'll give a pass for that only because of my behavior with Bernie Sanders.
27:52 Speaker 06 I will give a pass for that only because when I was 19, I was, oh boy, was I in for Bernie. And I still would love to vote for the guy.
27:59 Speaker 07 Yeah, 100%.
28:00 Speaker 06 But the stand behavior, the T-shirts, the photo, the fucking selfies, the, I'm like, you're, you're a loser.
28:07 Speaker 07 Oh, yeah, well, it's like the celebrity, they make them celebrities. That's the only thing that we know how to do in America is like to make these politicians celebrities.
28:14 Speaker 06 We need to get back to standing Jesus.
28:16 Speaker 07 I actually love that guy.
28:17 Speaker 06 Jesus Christ?
28:18 Speaker 07 Yeah, with no religious affiliation, I, I, he, he rocks.
28:22 Speaker 06 As a guy, probably pretty sick.
28:24 Speaker 07 Yeah, I think he was definitely gay, he's turning water into wine, he's for the people, he was definitely very leftist.
28:28 Speaker 06 You think Jesus is gay?
28:29 Speaker 07 For sure.
28:30 Speaker 06 You believe in God?
28:32 Speaker 07 I believe in like, I, I, to me, God is like nature and sort of like the, the, the love that we all share. I sort of believe in a spiritual sense, and I know that makes you kind of sick to your stomach.
28:44 Speaker 06 No, you've never asked me about my feelings on God.
28:47 Speaker 07 No, I know that you probably believe in God in your own kind of way.
28:54 Speaker 07 I know you do.
28:55 Speaker 06 Say more about that.
28:56 Speaker 07 I just think you're, you're the kind of guy that would be like, like, it wouldn't surprise me if you were like, yeah, once a month I go to like a non-denominational church and like, I sing in the choir and.
29:05 Speaker 06 No.
29:07 Speaker 07 You definitely would. You have at some point, I can feel that.
29:09 Speaker 06 I have never sang in the choir.
29:11 Speaker 07 You were up to something at a church.
29:12 Speaker 06 When we lift our voices, mine will not be lifted. I, I do.
29:16 Speaker 07 You were definitely up to something at a church. Growing up, and I know that for a fact.
29:20 Speaker 06 I go, I, to this day, I go to Unitarian, Universalist churches when I can.
29:24 Speaker 07 Yeah, I, I like those too.
29:26 Speaker 06 Those are cool. I like those.
29:27 Speaker 07 Yeah, I like, I like hearing when you have a spiritual practice. Cause I'll try to talk to you about my spiritual ideas and you're like, you need to stop or leave my apartment.
29:33 Speaker 06 Do you know what's funny? I have become pigeonholed into a certain type of person by you and our friends.
29:40 Speaker 07 And what is that person?
29:41 Speaker 06 By, by, by being like, uh, rational and pretty funny. I joke around and then I get put into this role and I get put, so you guys think I, you guys, I know how you guys think of me. You think I'm this serious.
29:56 Speaker 07 I don't think you're serious.
29:58 Speaker 06 You think I'm this, you think,
30:01 Speaker 06 you think I'm this serious guy who's, oh, Caleb doesn't believe in crystals.
30:07 Speaker 06 Well, I don't, but.
30:13 Speaker 06 You know what's funny though? I do catch myself. I do, I do. Do you ever catch yourself playing your role in a, in a way? Or like sometimes on this, on this podcast specifically, I think I said this in the Chris episode. I'll, I'll try something on in the moment. You ever try something on? You ever try on a personality trait? And just like quickly discover that you actually don't like that one?
30:30 Speaker 07 Yeah, 100%.
30:31 Speaker 06 You know what I mean? I'll try, but sometimes you get caught, you try something on, like, sometimes it's so quick that like, I did it with Chris where like, I'll try on something and I'll, I'll be like, oh, you know, whatever, like, uh, you know, people who wear loose jeans or whores or whatever. I'll say some big opinion and then, and then the other person either won't respond to it in the right way or, or they will and I won't like that. And then I'll be like, oh, that wasn't the thing I liked. But did you ever try on like a personality or an opinion for too long?
30:56 Speaker 07 Oh, yeah.
30:56 Speaker 06 All of a sudden you're weeks into it and you're like, what the fuck am I talking about? Do you know what I mean?
31:01 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah.
31:01 Speaker 06 I don't know if it's. It's like a comedian or like an artist thing where I'm like constantly, I'm always thinking about my point of view and like my little, you know.
31:07 Speaker 07 Totally.
31:08 Speaker 06 I don't know what it is, but sometimes I'll be like weeks into a thought and I'll be like, that's not a good thought.
31:13 Speaker 07 Totally. You know, you know, I'm there all the time. Um, well, I think it's like, yeah, so much of like being a performer, it's, you know, you're constantly thinking about your identity. And yeah, like you said, your point of view. And then it's like, I'm in the house, I, I'm living alone for the first time. So I'll be singing like solo karaoke. And I'm like, this is really powerful, you know? And then I'm like doing a spell, lighting a candle and it's like, this has to end, you know?
31:32 Speaker 06 The spells do have to stop.
31:33 Speaker 07 I know, the spells really have to end.
31:34 Speaker 06 The spells and the crystals with you people.
31:36 Speaker 07 I, I don't, I'm not a crystal girl.
31:38 Speaker 06 You may as well be.
31:39 Speaker 07 Let a bitch have a rock.
31:40 Speaker 06 You may as well be. I'm sorry, but the, the sage and the.
31:45 Speaker 07 I don't sage, that's a close practice.
31:46 Speaker 06 Sorry, the fucking, whatever the fuck, the fucking, I can't even think of all the names. The shit that you guys do. You and the lesbians that you run around with.
31:57 Speaker 06 It's just, I have a hard time with the tarot cards and stuff.
32:00 Speaker 07 Oh, I love a tarot card. I think a tarot reading would.
32:03 Speaker 06 Oh, it's fun. I just.
32:04 Speaker 07 Have you gotten one?
32:05 Speaker 06 What, tarot reading?
32:06 Speaker 07 Yeah.
32:06 Speaker 06 No, I have.
32:07 Speaker 07 Would you rather go to therapy or get a tarot reading?
32:13 Speaker 06 Therapy or tarot reading? Well, both are fake. No, no, guys. See, that's the thing I was trying on. No, I don't even think that. Therapy's real and good. Most people need it. Not me.
32:25 Speaker 06 No, I think I, I think I would benefit from therapy. I've done therapy. I, I benefited from it during the time I was in it. But then we quickly got to a point where I feel like I was in charge.
32:34 Speaker 06 And I was like, well, I could do this at home.
32:35 Speaker 07 And honestly, I really believe that.
32:37 Speaker 06 I was like, well, I could probably figure that out, you know?
32:39 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:40 Speaker 06 Tarot, what is tarot? It's just a deck of cards and they say, oh, you're the slithery snake.
32:46 Speaker 07 Yeah, they have like, you know, each card has a meaning and I think it's not so much about, oh, like it's magic. I think it's about finding, you know, sort of a, a, whatever the tarot reading is being like, oh, this idea, you know, I relate to or I don't, taking what resonates and leaving the rest kind of thing.
32:59 Speaker 06 You could do with anything. You could put a candy wrapper on the table and say, oh, you're gonna have a good future. I wait, wait to it or I don't. Why does it need to be a special little deck of cards?
33:09 Speaker 07 I don't know. It's like, they're beautiful.
33:11 Speaker 06 Oh, I do think they're, I like the designs. I like the fool.
33:14 Speaker 07 Yeah.
33:16 Speaker 07 And you know, that makes a lot of sense for you.
33:17 Speaker 06 Fool. I've thought about getting that one as a tattoo.
33:22 Speaker 06 I like him.
33:23 Speaker 07 No, I'm obsessed with that.
33:24 Speaker 06 His little scepter or whatever.
33:25 Speaker 07 No, it's cute.
33:26 Speaker 06 I like him.
33:27 Speaker 07 Can you get a tattoo if you don't like tarot?
33:29 Speaker 06 Oh, of course. You can do anything you want.
33:30 Speaker 07 That's true, that's true.
33:31 Speaker 06 There's nobody stopping you from doing anything pretty much all the time.
33:33 Speaker 07 No, that's true. I would like to exercise my free will a little more.
33:36 Speaker 06 Yeah?
33:37 Speaker 07 But do we have free will, like?
33:39 Speaker 06 That's a great question. I think yes. I think yes. I'm team we have free will.
33:44 Speaker 07 I think we do too.
33:45 Speaker 06 What would be the alternative be, that we don't?
33:47 Speaker 07 I think there are like certain limitations that...
33:50 Speaker 06 On free will?
33:51 Speaker 07 Yeah.
33:51 Speaker 06 What are the, how, who, what are the, what is the source of the limitation?
33:54 Speaker 07 Fascism.
33:55 Speaker 06 Fascism, well. But we still have free will. We just might be met with, you know.
34:00 Speaker 07 Yeah, consequences.
34:01 Speaker 06 Consequences. But the free will is there.
34:02 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:03 Speaker 06 I do, uh, I do think about, you know, when you talk about like coming out and stuff, like in terms of the conversation on fascism and how quickly we're seem to be headed there.
34:17 Speaker 06 People, people talk about like, oh, you know, it's not fair to expect people to come out when things are getting so dangerous for being out again. And I'm like, oh, so what, you're gonna die a coward's death?
34:30 Speaker 06 So what, you're gonna live in the closet because you were too scared of the consequences of being out?
34:35 Speaker 07 No, I completely agree.
34:36 Speaker 06 Sack up, motherfucker. It's time to come out.
34:38 Speaker 07 I completely agree.
34:39 Speaker 06 I just think like, yeah, there's consequences, but like, let's be brave. How about?
34:43 Speaker 07 Would you out someone?
34:45 Speaker 06 No, it's not my business to out them, but I ridicule those who don't do it themselves. That's my, that's my consequence for their free will. I do, and look, if you're like a trans teenager in Alabama, hey, keep shit tight. I get it. You stay in that closet as long as you need to, baby. I love you. We're here for you when you're ready. If you're a 35-year-old project manager in Brooklyn.
35:07 Speaker 07 Come on out.
35:08 Speaker 06 I don't wanna, I don't wanna hear about the, the fear of coming out. Shut up about that and come out and fucking say that you're here, because people need to know that we're everywhere.
35:18 Speaker 07 No, 100%.
35:19 Speaker 06 I think about free will when I think of that.
35:21 Speaker 07 Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. I remember coming out and like, nobody gave a fuck. Like, I was...
35:28 Speaker 06 Hey, hey, I would have cared.
35:31 Speaker 07 No, no, I know. I like came out to my roommate and we were like sobbing outside of Lost Lake in Chicago. I was sobbing. I'm like on the ground like, I'm gay. And she was like, I know. She's like, I don't care. And I was like, really? Like, no, even like a...
35:44 Speaker 06 Not even a little bit, huh?
35:45 Speaker 07 Yeah. Came out to like three people, same response each time.
35:48 Speaker 06 Did you have a crush on her?
35:49 Speaker 07 No.
35:50 Speaker 06 Nice.
35:50 Speaker 07 No, like, good, good friend.
35:52 Speaker 06 It's no worries.
35:53 Speaker 07 Yeah, no worries. Did you like anyone you came out to? I know you came out as bi first, which is one of my favorite things about you.
35:59 Speaker 06 I did, um, which is beautiful. Um.
36:05 Speaker 06 That's beautiful. Um, did I have a crush on anyone I came out to? I, uh, the first person I ever properly came out to was a guy that I was hooking up with.
36:19 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like giving him a handjob. He's like, yeah, I know, you know?
36:21 Speaker 06 Yeah. Well, we were hooking up in high school and I had suspected that he was gay because of all of his behaviors.
36:29 Speaker 06 His voice and his way he walked and everything. And so I invited him over to hang out one on one when my mom was at work. And I was like, you should come over and hang out sometime. And he was like, I would love to. And I was like, okay, you know? Um, and then he came over and we did. I made some moves, which are the scariest moves you'll ever make in your life.
36:45 Speaker 07 Oh, my God, yeah.
36:46 Speaker 06 When you're in the closet and you're making a move on someone that you don't know if they're gay or not, uh, like the most horrifying.
36:53 Speaker 07 It really is.
36:54 Speaker 06 And everything is so, you think you're being so overt, but everything's so subtle.
36:58 Speaker 07 Yes.
36:58 Speaker 06 You're like handing them a drink and like grazing their hand with your pinky and being like, fuck, I just, I just gave him a handjob. You're like, it feels so overt and brazen, you know? And then, yeah, we came out to each other and then we're hooking up for a while.
37:10 Speaker 07 Okay, so the coming out happened before the hookup?
37:12 Speaker 06 No, the hookup happened and then it was like...
37:17 Speaker 06 No, the hookup happened and then I immediately took a shower.
37:22 Speaker 06 I didn't know what else to do. I was just like, I'm all gross. So I went and took a shower and he just hung out in my room.
37:27 Speaker 07 Yeah, washed off the sin.
37:28 Speaker 06 And then he was like, did you just take a shower? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, okay. And I was like, so are you gay? And he was like, I think so. And I was like, same. We're still good friends to this day.
37:40 Speaker 07 Oh, I love that so much.
37:40 Speaker 06 I said, I mentioned his name in an interview recently when I was telling that story in like a a big publication that I was like, people will, I don't know if they're gonna run it or not, but I text him and I was like, hey, I don't wanna like, I don't know if you're cool with me talking about this, but I, I said your name and I talked a little bit about us. Um, do you want me to text them and tell them to cut it? I, and he was like, no, no, that's fine. And then they didn't end up running it anyway, so I was, it was no big deal.
38:03 Speaker 07 Yeah.
38:03 Speaker 06 But, yeah, he's still a good friend of mine today.
38:06 Speaker 07 Oh my god, I love that.
38:07 Speaker 06 Love that guy.
38:07 Speaker 07 I love that so much.
38:09 Speaker 06 Yeah. Yeah, anyway. Now I'm gay all the time.
38:13 Speaker 07 I know, same.
38:14 Speaker 06 Part-time gay back then, gay full-time now.
38:16 Speaker 07 Yeah, I've been kind of on a pause.
38:18 Speaker 06 As a job pretty much, you've been on a pause from gay?
38:19 Speaker 07 Yeah.
38:20 Speaker 06 I've been really ramping it up. I'm getting gayer and gayer. I'm like worried about my 30s.
38:25 Speaker 07 No, I think it's gonna be really good.
38:26 Speaker 06 I'm worried about my 40s, actually. I don't know how, I might don't know how even-
38:30 Speaker 07 No, you're gonna be locked in by 40.
38:31 Speaker 06 Locked in on gay?
38:32 Speaker 07 Yeah, like locked in husband.
38:36 Speaker 06 I, hopefully sooner than that.
38:38 Speaker 07 Yeah, but that's what I'm saying, I think you're gonna be like about 15 years into a marriage by your 40s.
38:42 Speaker 06 Well.
38:44 Speaker 07 No, no, 10-
38:44 Speaker 06 I'm just running the math. I'm just running the math and I'd have to get started about five years ago. You want marriage?
38:52 Speaker 07 No.
38:52 Speaker 06 No, you don't want marriage?
38:53 Speaker 07 No.
38:54 Speaker 06 No. Kids?
38:55 Speaker 07 No.
38:56 Speaker 06 Disgusting.
38:57 Speaker 07 You want kids?
38:58 Speaker 06 Yeah, sorry.
38:59 Speaker 07 How many, three?
39:00 Speaker 06 Uh, I'm, look, here's the deal. The further I get into my gorgeous lifestyle, the more I wonder how much I want kids. My lifestyle is so beautiful and when I think about my lifestyle, I think I might love it more than I love children.
39:15 Speaker 07 I do feel like-
39:16 Speaker 06 I love my lifestyle. I love kids.
39:19 Speaker 07 You, you do love kids and you're so good with kids. I could see you having a kid and being like, oh, I made a mistake.
39:27 Speaker 06 Well, I've wanted a dog for a year and haven't been able to justify it. You know what I mean? So I do worry. I do, I told, I told my mom recently, I was like, I think I'm gonna get a dog in private and not post about it or anything, so that if I don't like it, I can return it without getting it-
39:44 Speaker 06 And she was, I was like, I don't want to get in trouble with people. She was like, are you serious? I was like, no, obviously I'm kidding. If I get the dog, I'm keeping it. But with a kid, you really are locked in with them.
39:52 Speaker 07 You really are locked in and some people do have kids and they regret it and like, that's fair.
39:55 Speaker 06 And it's too bad because they're your, they're your immutable property.
39:58 Speaker 07 Yeah, my parents regretted it for sure.
40:00 Speaker 06 You think?
40:01 Speaker 07 Oh yeah, I kind of know.
40:02 Speaker 06 Oh, fuck. Did that have an impact on you?
40:05 Speaker 07 It's a so.
40:10 Speaker 07 You know, I think you know me pretty well.
40:11 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah, I can see the tendrils of that. I can see, I can see the, the ripples of.
40:17 Speaker 00 Let's be honest, you don't go to the family holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, get a gift that'll cause a stir. A KitchenAid stand mixer. It's not just an appliance, it's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer this year and make more than meals.
40:45 Speaker 06 That, yeah, I do like, if I find someone who wants kids and it feels like we could do kids, I would love to do kids. And I would love to do three or four kids. But if I found someone who wanted zero kids, I would do zero kids. If I found someone who wanted one kid, I would do one kid.
40:56 Speaker 07 Flexible.
40:57 Speaker 06 I don't want a wedding. Oh God, do I hate weddings.
41:01 Speaker 07 I feel like you would throw like a party or something, you would do something.
41:03 Speaker 06 I'll do a party.
41:04 Speaker 07 You love to celebrate.
41:05 Speaker 06 I'll do a party, but no gifts, no dress code, no, no sending out a fucking piece of paper in the mail and begging someone to come to wherever I'm at. Oh God, I hate weddings.
41:16 Speaker 07 Weddings are, I have a lot of fun when I'm at them, but I'm really bad about like getting gifts. I'm really bad about being like a respectful guest in that way of, I have a really tough time with them. But I, I'm, I do tend to have fun at weddings.
41:29 Speaker 06 Oh, I'll have a blast once I get there. I just don't, I don't like the implication. It's so presumptuous.
41:33 Speaker 07 It really is so presumptuous.
41:34 Speaker 06 Yeah, I'm gonna come to Cedar Rapids.
41:39 Speaker 06 What?
41:39 Speaker 07 Or even when they're travel destinations, it's like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. I just feel like if I ever had a wedding, I would have to be rich enough where I could pay for everyone. Cause I'm like, I'm not gonna ask a bunch of people to do this.
41:49 Speaker 06 Yeah.
41:49 Speaker 07 Like, I don't feel...
41:51 Speaker 06 I'd like to get married at the courthouse.
41:53 Speaker 07 Yeah.
41:54 Speaker 06 And then I'd like to send an email or a text or something.
41:58 Speaker 07 You send a particle.
41:59 Speaker 06 Basically. To everyone we love and just say, hey, we got married, we're gonna throw a party in three months. Come if you want, no dress code, no gifts, if you can't make it, we do not care.
42:08 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:09 Speaker 06 Love you to death, goodbye.
42:10 Speaker 07 No, that's, that's, that's, if I got married for like insurance or something, I'd do the same thing.
42:14 Speaker 06 Married for insurance? How are you, by the way?
42:20 Speaker 07 Hey, let me tell you, my boss won't give me insurance, so...
42:22 Speaker 06 Really?
42:23 Speaker 07 Yeah, I signed a contract and everything, but...
42:24 Speaker 06 He's pretty loaded. Shouldn't he just give you insurance?
42:27 Speaker 07 I completely agree, I've followed up three times.
42:29 Speaker 06 Yeah.
42:29 Speaker 07 So, you know, marriage looking pretty good.
42:31 Speaker 06 Yeah.
42:31 Speaker 07 You wanna do it, I'd be your surrogate.
42:33 Speaker 06 I'm like, pretty close, I'm, yeah.
42:36 Speaker 06 Yeah, I'm pretty close to asking you about that. Yeah.
42:40 Speaker 07 That's like, all I've ever wanted.
42:41 Speaker 06 I'm pretty close to being like, do you wanna just get married for the benefits? Whatever gay guy I find, we'll just be like buddies. You and I'll have a kid, he can help out with the kid if he wants to.
42:50 Speaker 07 Maybe we'll have like, one special night?
42:51 Speaker 06 No, we'd go to the doctor. You and Holmes both with this. Every lesbian I ask to have my kids are both, are both, it's all, it's always with the, can we do it the, the old school way? No. There'll be test tubes involved.
43:03 Speaker 07 Oh, I'm not doing shots.
43:05 Speaker 06 You're, you don't have to do shots, but you're gonna go to the doctor for the semen, I'm not, I'm not, we're not having sex. It's just messy. Literally.
43:14 Speaker 07 Well, if you ever change your mind, you know how I feel, I won't push.
43:17 Speaker 06 You wanna do a voicemail?
43:19 Speaker 07 A voicemail?
43:19 Speaker 06 You wanna do a voicemail from the fans?
43:21 Speaker 07 Oh my god, yes.
43:22 Speaker 06 Would that be kinda fun?
43:23 Speaker 07 That'd be so fun.
43:23 Speaker 06 I always forget to do it, cause I'm always chit chatting the day away, but with you, I feel so comfortable.
43:27 Speaker 07 I love that.
43:30 Speaker 07 Let's hear it.
43:30 Speaker 06 Okay, put on your little headphones.
43:33 Speaker 07 Do you feel like a lot of these are unhinged?
43:35 Speaker 06 Um, my fans are, yeah, they're not hinged, I'll tell you that much. What, which ones are right in the, oh, I found it, okay. Yeah, my fans are a special group of people that are going through a series of circumstances.
43:49 Speaker 07 And I gotta say, I'm gonna need your help again, and, and I don't think this one's on me, oh.
43:57 Speaker 06 Okay.
43:58 Speaker 07 Got it.
43:59 Speaker 01 Hey, Caleb and guests, I'm just wondering and wanting to know the truth about where bugs go when it starts to get freezing.
44:07 Speaker 07 Cold outside. Do they go underground? Um, I know you're not a scientist, but I feel like you might know the answer to this. Thanks.
44:20 Speaker 06 Okay.
44:23 Speaker 07 What are your?
44:24 Speaker 06 Loving them, by the way.
44:25 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
44:26 Speaker 06 Loving the question, loving them. What do I think where bugs go? They probably die, right?
44:32 Speaker 07 I think they do die. I know.
44:33 Speaker 06 Don't they die?
44:35 Speaker 07 Worms go underground. I know that. Mosquitoes seem to be here year round.
44:40 Speaker 06 Yeah, they're comfortable. That was a really good question, and I don't know. I'm gonna, you don't think all bugs die?
44:48 Speaker 07 Do they go south?
44:50 Speaker 06 Where would we get new bugs? Alright, Chance. Hey, you're making too much sense, brother. Stay out of here. Chance said, if they can't all die, where would we get new bugs?
45:02 Speaker 06 And he's right.
45:03 Speaker 07 I mean, I'll tell you where the cockroaches are.
45:05 Speaker 06 Are they at your place?
45:07 Speaker 07 Absolutely.
45:07 Speaker 06 What? Oh, that's gross.
45:10 Speaker 07 No, not at this place, but at my last place.
45:13 Speaker 06 Oh, well, you had rats, you had mice at your last place.
45:15 Speaker 07 Relax.
45:18 Speaker 06 I was sitting on the dang couch, and I saw a fucking scurry up the wall.
45:23 Speaker 07 Well, no one told us.
45:24 Speaker 06 I did. I told you immediately.
45:27 Speaker 07 You told us, but I remember home stayed, and later they were like, yeah, there were about like three mice, and I was like, what the fuck?
45:31 Speaker 06 I said, yeah, you got, I immediately, I said, you guys have mice.
45:35 Speaker 07 It was really bad.
45:36 Speaker 06 Yeah, that's gross. Not anything you can control, though. That's just New York City, I think.
45:41 Speaker 07 I know, I know.
45:42 Speaker 06 Didn't happen at my place, but.
45:43 Speaker 07 I know. I just, I have a lot of guilt for how we got rid of them, but.
45:47 Speaker 06 How'd you get rid of them?
45:48 Speaker 07 Just like those.
45:51 Speaker 07 The kind of in, in, the snap.
46:03 Speaker 07 I would cry every single time. I started getting candles, I'd put them in my window for each one.
46:12 Speaker 06 The sort of inhum- um, snap.
46:17 Speaker 06 Would you hear him get snapped?
46:19 Speaker 07 They'd cry, they'd cry, and I couldn't handle it.
46:25 Speaker 07 I don't feel good about this, I don't feel good.
46:29 Speaker 06 They'd cry! It's the silent of the lamb.
46:34 Speaker 07 I think it's on my iPhone alarm and it'd just be.
46:36 Speaker 06 They'd cry, they'd cry, and then you would...
46:42 Speaker 06 You lit candles for them?
46:44 Speaker 07 Yeah.
46:44 Speaker 06 That's the kind of shit I'm talking about.
46:46 Speaker 07 It felt healing, but then it was sort of like, well, maybe we just like do this in a more... Or the glue, the glue ones we do too.
46:54 Speaker 06 Oh god, and they're fucking...
46:58 Speaker 06 So trying to gnaw their own shit off, it doesn't work. Yeah, that's really sad.
47:01 Speaker 07 Well, I wanted to get the ones that like, um, you know, it just closes in on them and then you can bring them to the park. Well, our neighbors told us, they were like, "Don't do that because we did that, we brought him to the park, and the minute that he got out, hawk swooped down."
47:13 Speaker 06 Much more painful death. You'd rather be snapped? Don't you think, than captured by a hawk?
47:18 Speaker 07 I think so.
47:19 Speaker 06 I'd rather be snapped. What would you, given your choice, you'd rather be stuck to a glue thing till you die? Captured by hawk or snapped?
47:26 Speaker 07 I think captured by hawk, go more a natural way.
47:28 Speaker 06 I'm going snapped. I want to die quick and I don't want to know what happened. I want something to just fucking, you know?
47:34 Speaker 07 Yeah.
47:35 Speaker 06 Definitely not captured by a hawk, I don't want to be cucked on my way out. And glue trap is so pathetic, like, "Oh, I'm stuck."
47:41 Speaker 07 I know, the stuck, I can't even think about it, I could cry.
47:44 Speaker 06 You did that to living beings. No, I'm sorry.
47:48 Speaker 06 The thing is, Charlie really will cry and I can't actually be responsible. I can't be responsible for that today.
47:54 Speaker 07 No, I bullied my roommate.
47:55 Speaker 06 It would be so, it would be so horrible to be captured by hawk. Because not only are you gonna die, but you're also, you're like a loser pathetic, you're getting bullied by a bird.
48:06 Speaker 07 I don't know, it's a cycle of nature and like, to be fair, I've had my own experiences with hawks where...
48:11 Speaker 06 What?
48:16 Speaker 06 What? What happened?
48:18 Speaker 07 One time I was like ziplining and...
48:20 Speaker 06 Oh my god, yeah, I know about this.
48:22 Speaker 07 And, you know, I was having a great time. I didn't realize, but I got off the zipline and kids were really upset and I... I had body checked a hawk to death, fell right out of the sky, died.
48:33 Speaker 06 Were you covered in blood or anything?
48:35 Speaker 07 No, no, the, the bird was.
48:38 Speaker 07 Sort of kind of like an omen for the rest of my life. My parents literally got divorced two weeks later.
48:45 Speaker 06 Sorry. Just so I'm up on the story, because I know the story, but I just want to make sure I'm understanding fully. You were ziplining.
48:51 Speaker 07 Mm-hmm.
48:52 Speaker 06 You hit a hawk in the air.
48:54 Speaker 07 Mm-hmm.
48:54 Speaker 06 It died.
48:55 Speaker 07 Yep.
48:56 Speaker 06 Your parents got divorced.
48:57 Speaker 07 Yeah. And so the zipline, we were in Montana, so it's like one time they were like, one time a guy was ziplining and like a, a mountain lion was kind of jumping up at him, really scary. So they named the, uh, zipline after him and then they named that zipline Carly Birdkill.
49:11 Speaker 06 Carly Birdkill?
49:13 Speaker 07 That didn't feel good.
49:15 Speaker 06 How, how was your parents' marriage before the hawk? Was it healthy?
49:21 Speaker 07 Like I said, they didn't want kids.
49:24 Speaker 06 It'd be so funny if everything was like pretty good before the hawk.
49:28 Speaker 07 I would say things were like, we didn't quite, like I, I didn't really know how bad it was, but I wouldn't say it was great.
49:33 Speaker 06 Yeah. Well, my favorite, my favorite story probably about anyone ever is the fact that your dad gets, uh, frisked before he walks into establishments in your hometown and they're not looking for a gun or a weapon, they're frisking him for a harmonica.
49:46 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah.
49:47 Speaker 06 Because he won't stop playing harmonica.
49:49 Speaker 07 He literally will not stop playing harmonica. It's really bad. He ruined a lot of, uh, you know, we'd be at like an Applebee's and it'd be music night and he'd disappear. And we'd be like, where the fuck is he? And he is just kind of creeping up on this poor nineteen-year-old, you know, Mumford and Sons looking guy. And he's just ripping on the harmonica so off key and this poor kid is like, you know, like horrified and, and we would just leave the restaurant. We'd be like, get up and go. We'd be like, dad's up there. And we gotta go. And we left him at so many places. He, he does it at weddings.
50:23 Speaker 07 He literally has asked at like, big concerts.
50:28 Speaker 07 And they're like, "You can't play."
50:32 Speaker 06 It's my favorite. It's my favorite thing about anyone ever, to be a guy who's so insistent on playing the harmonica, that there are like, public safety systems being put in place, in a mutual aid fashion. People are coming together and sharing information, to stop this guy from playing the harmonica.
50:52 Speaker 07 And he has a case on him always.
50:53 Speaker 06 Oh my god, he's iconic.
50:55 Speaker 07 He'll play in the car, picking up us up from school. I mean, now it's like, he's gotten pretty good. He's like, in a band now. And I'm so sorry, Dad, but even...
51:07 Speaker 07 I'll go and see him perform, because like, he is good now, you know, and I want to support his dreams.
51:11 Speaker 06 He's been practicing.
51:15 Speaker 07 Even on these nights, it's like a full band, right? So everyone gets their solos, and they have to tell my dad to stop.
51:23 Speaker 07 They're like, "Hey, Kevin, it's time for the bassist."
51:29 Speaker 07 You know, he's completely unaware.
51:30 Speaker 06 He fucking loves harmonica, dude. That's beautiful.
51:34 Speaker 07 It is beautiful, but it's kind of like, read a room.
51:36 Speaker 06 Oh my god, that's fucking hilarious. For even his own band to have to be like, "Man, we're happy to give you your moment, but it's gotta be a moment."
51:46 Speaker 07 Oh, it gives me the ick. I'm like, watching all these 50-year-old men look at each other to like, "How to get my dad to stop, because his soul is over."
51:54 Speaker 06 They're like, they're like...
51:56 Speaker 07 And I'm like, recording, trying to be supportive, and then I just have to like, kind of put the...
52:01 Speaker 07 Put the phone down and...
52:02 Speaker 06 Have to cut out the lead singer making, "I was like, my dad to stop playing harmonica." Oh my fucking god, dude. Probably have a segment for you.
52:11 Speaker 07 Let's go.
52:12 Speaker 06 You ready for this?
52:12 Speaker 07 Yep.
52:13 Speaker 06 All right. This is an iconic segment on the show. The true or false segment. I'm gonna read you 15 statements.
52:20 Speaker 07 Okay.
52:21 Speaker 06 You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think it's true or false.
52:23 Speaker 07 Okay.
52:24 Speaker 06 If you get 10 or more correct, I'm gonna give you 50 US dollars.
52:27 Speaker 07 Are you serious?
52:28 Speaker 06 I'm very serious. In the way that, you know, we'll see. But, you ready? China only has one time zone.
52:38 Speaker 07 False.
52:38 Speaker 06 True. California produces more toothpicks than any other state in the US.
52:41 Speaker 07 True.
52:42 Speaker 06 False. Maine. Bald eagles can swim.
52:45 Speaker 07 False.
52:45 Speaker 06 True.
52:48 Speaker 07 I'm gonna kill myself today on this podcast.
52:51 Speaker 06 The singer Pink is from Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania.
52:53 Speaker 07 That's false because she's from my hometown and I-
52:55 Speaker 06 Doylestown.
52:56 Speaker 07 Doylestown.
52:57 Speaker 06 And? You have something to say about that?
52:58 Speaker 07 And, uh, I, I, "Bridge Over Troubled Waters", I sang the solo and she was the last person to sing it. I didn't do well.
53:04 Speaker 06 Okay. Zip code stands for zoning identification pin.
53:08 Speaker 07 True.
53:09 Speaker 06 False. "Zone Improvement Plan". "A group of a dozen or more cows is called a flink."
53:13 Speaker 07 False.
53:13 Speaker 06 True. The ma- You're only gonna get the Doylestown. "The mascot of Columbia College, Chicago is a barista."
53:20 Speaker 07 False.
53:21 Speaker 06 Well, it's the Renegades technically. "More Siberian tigers live in zoos than in the wild."
53:28 Speaker 07 True.
53:29 Speaker 06 True. "Apples are the most consumed fruit in the world."
53:31 Speaker 07 True.
53:32 Speaker 06 False. Mangoes. "Steel is 100% recyclable."
53:35 Speaker 07 Say that again?
53:35 Speaker 06 "Steel is 100% recyclable."
53:38 Speaker 07 True.
53:39 Speaker 06 True. "Australia's the only continent without an active volcano."
53:42 Speaker 07 True.
53:43 Speaker 06 True. "Paul Giamatti's dad was the commissioner of Major League Baseball for five months."
53:46 Speaker 07 True.
53:47 Speaker 06 True. There are 10 planets in our solar system.
53:50 Speaker 07 Oh, fucking god. Um, false.
53:53 Speaker 06 False, there's eight. "A Chicago handshake is a shot of Malortin at PBR."
53:56 Speaker 07 True.
53:57 Speaker 06 False. Shot of Malortin in old style.
54:00 Speaker 06 "The PSP came out after the Playstation 3."
54:02 Speaker 07 True.
54:03 Speaker 06 False. How'd she do? Seven. Phew.
54:05 Speaker 07 It's pretty rough. I failed out of high school, so just keep that in mind.
54:09 Speaker 06 Didn't you go to college?
54:10 Speaker 07 I did. It was a...
54:13 Speaker 07 I kind of, I-
54:15 Speaker 06 No worries.
54:15 Speaker 07 I was at, yeah.
54:16 Speaker 06 No worries. No, actually, don't, hey, don't even worry about that. I don't, I don't know what kind of trouble we're gonna get you into with different accrediting. I don't wanna do it.
54:24 Speaker 07 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
54:25 Speaker 06 Uh, Carly Kane, what's so true to you?
54:31 Speaker 07 So many things, Caleb.
54:33 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah? So you prepared one?
54:35 Speaker 07 What's so true to me is that I think, uh, if you're gonna be polyamorous, you gotta take a course.
54:42 Speaker 06 Don't get me started, darling.
54:44 Speaker 07 I, I, listen, I like the ideas of polyamory. I'm all about, you know, not going for the nuclear family. However, I want to see you at SUNY, taking a fucking four-week course on to get certified.
54:55 Speaker 06 At SUNY New Paltz.
54:56 Speaker 07 Yeah, there's a lot of malpractice out here.
54:58 Speaker 06 And it would be New Paltz.
54:59 Speaker 07 Yeah, it would be New Paltz. You want to take me bowling and then, you know, fuck me in your girlfriend's bed? I want to see that certificate slamming against the wall. And that's what's so true to me. I mean, how do you feel about polyamory?
55:09 Speaker 06 Oh, I don't know. I abhor it. I abhor it. I don't understa- what are you talking about? One person is not good enough for you? Get a grip.
55:16 Speaker 07 That's what I'm saying. Who has the time?
55:18 Speaker 06 Who has the time? And also like, oh my god, ugh.
55:23 Speaker 07 Just like fucking communicate. Nobody's talking.
55:25 Speaker 06 I don't, I just, my problem is they're talking too much. There, there's too much communication from where I'm at. You had a different situation, but I'm like, I'm like, oh god, the fucking like, hey, tonight, you're my primary and you'll always be my primary and you know that. But tonight, my secondary and my tertiary, we want to go to paintball. And we're just, we want to go to paintball with just us, but that's not because we don't love you. It's just like, sometimes when you love someone, you need to give them space. And I'm just like, shut the fuck up! Shut up!
55:53 Speaker 07 I know, I'm just saying like, I feel like people that are polyamorous, the people that you are then like, dating, spend their entire lives processing what you're putting them through. And it's like, fucking stop.
56:02 Speaker 06 Yeah.
56:03 Speaker 07 Just stop or like, just read a fucking book.
56:05 Speaker 06 Yeah. I tell my poly friends all the time, I wish you would stop. Steve Hernandez, Steve Hernandez is one of my, my most famous poly friends. I'm not kidding, I texted him three days ago and said, I wish you loved your wife. Enough to only want her.
56:21 Speaker 07 I do feel like he does do polyamory, right?
56:23 Speaker 06 Their relationship is beautiful. They're really killing it. But it's like one of the only poly cases.
56:27 Speaker 07 It's, it's one of the only poly cases. It's very few and far between. And I just think like, let's just put a little effort into it.
56:32 Speaker 06 They, those two were really meant to find each other.
56:34 Speaker 07 I, I agree.
56:35 Speaker 06 It's crazy.
56:35 Speaker 07 They have a beautiful, beautiful partnership.
56:37 Speaker 06 And I don't think it's because of poly. I think poly is able to, I think poly is able to work with them because their love could survive anything.
56:44 Speaker 07 Yes, yes, 100%.
56:45 Speaker 06 Yeah, I don't think their love is beautiful because of poly. I think their love is beautiful in spite of poly.
56:49 Speaker 07 Totally.
56:52 Speaker 06 Do you know what I mean? And now they've got a kid in that freak show.
56:59 Speaker 06 Golly.
57:00 Speaker 07 He's typing.
57:00 Speaker 06 Golly, yeah. There goes the clicks. I'll be, I'll be getting a text about that. Hey, do we want to leave this one in or no?
57:09 Speaker 06 We'll leave it in. Steven will like that. And so will Julia. And so will Hilda someday. She won't appreciate it yet. She's too young, but someday she'll appreciate that.
57:15 Speaker 07 Beautiful child.
57:15 Speaker 06 Someday, someday when I'm long gone off this earth, Hilda will watch this episode and, and appreciate who I was in her life.
57:22 Speaker 07 You're gonna be here for a long time.
57:24 Speaker 06 A guy she saw for a couple, once, once every, once every year or so.
57:29 Speaker 06 You think I'm gonna live a long time?
57:30 Speaker 07 Yeah.
57:30 Speaker 06 When do you think I'll die?
57:33 Speaker 07 I think mid eighties.
57:34 Speaker 06 Whoa. I do not see that for me.
57:37 Speaker 07 What, what do you mean?
57:38 Speaker 06 I think I'll either live forever and literally never die. Like, I'll be the first person they figure that out with. Or, I, pretty soon.
57:50 Speaker 07 I'll tell you what, I'm getting hit by a bus before forty-five and
57:53 Speaker 06 You think so?
57:53 Speaker 07 A hundred percent.
57:54 Speaker 06 Oh, my goodness.
57:55 Speaker 07 I think I'm gonna die in some kind of vehicular situation.
57:57 Speaker 06 That's horrible.
57:58 Speaker 07 I'm just so bad at driving.
58:00 Speaker 06 You should move to that island off Michigan where they don't do cars.
58:02 Speaker 07 I really think, yeah.
58:04 Speaker 06 That'd be good for you.
58:05 Speaker 07 I agree.
58:05 Speaker 06 You need to go to the woods.
58:08 Speaker 07 Don't you know it?
58:09 Speaker 06 I see it for you.
58:10 Speaker 07 Yeah, I'll be living in the woods eventually.
58:11 Speaker 06 Yeah, I know. You'll have a farm or something.
58:13 Speaker 07 Yeah.
58:14 Speaker 06 That'd be so cute.
58:14 Speaker 07 You know what? Something interesting I learned.
58:16 Speaker 06 What?
58:16 Speaker 07 Only ten percent of people die by sort of something like that. Ninety percent of people die by disease.
58:24 Speaker 06 Right. Well, Carly, thank you so much for being on. This was a lot of fun. Love you, girl.
58:29 Speaker 07 Thank you for having me, Caleb. I'm obsessed with you.
58:31 Speaker 06 I'm obsessed with you as well. That was a very strange thing to say. And I'm really off put by that. That, bringing up disease in that way was crazy.
58:40 Speaker 07 I know. I'm just like learning a lot about death right now, so.
58:43 Speaker 06 I know. You're like training to be a death doula. I really want to talk about that. We'll talk about it on the Patreon. Sorry, guys. We gotta go. Love you to death. Do you want to tell people where to find you?
58:53 Speaker 07 Um, you can find me on, you know, these destroyed meta platforms. I'd say Instagram I'm on the most.
59:01 Speaker 06 Yeah, iCarlyKane. At iCarlyKane. You're one of the only, you're one of the only handles I think I know.
59:06 Speaker 07 Oh, my God.
59:07 Speaker 06 Cause I tagged you so many times.
59:09 Speaker 07 That could literally make me cry.
59:10 Speaker 06 That's crazy. That's the thing. We have such a beautiful friendship and that's the thing that moves you to tears.
59:15 Speaker 07 It's just one of the things. You know, I've like cried in front of you all the time.
59:17 Speaker 06 I do know that. Love you.
59:19 Speaker 07 Love you.
59:24 Speaker 00 Let's be honest, you don't go to the family holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, get a gift that'll cause a stir. A KitchenAid Stand Mixer. It's not just an appliance, it's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid Stand Mixer this year and make more than meals.
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59:53 Speaker 02 Need a break. Forget it, I quit. Escape to Pluto TV.
59:57 Speaker 03 This is objectively fantastic.
59:59 Speaker 02 Relax into the movies and shows you already know and love, all for free. Swing! Even our news is uplifting.
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Previous Liza Treyger Returns Next Taylor Ortega Knows Her Rights Page updated November 4, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated