Pod Insights So True with Caleb Hearon Jay Jurden is Holding Space About this episode Happy New Year, folks! We’re kicking 2025 off with the very funny Jay Jurden! Jay and Caleb talk everything from church being cool again, being from red states, Matchbox Twenty, the Buckle challenge, a magical encounter at a BBQ restaurant in KC, and much more!
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Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud
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So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.
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Transcript 14,837 words · 3 speakers
0:01 Speaker 00 This is a HeadGum Podcast.
0:05 Speaker 01 I like this couple. I like the girl who brings her guy and the guy, you get this a lot.
0:09 Speaker 02 Oh, baby.
0:09 Speaker 01 Because I get it.
0:10 Speaker 02 This is arm, bread and butter.
0:11 Speaker 01 And the guy goes, "I was worried at first."
0:13 Speaker 02 I didn't know. She made me come.
0:16 Speaker 01 Hey, I was worried at first. I was worried at first. And you know what they do afterwards? They go, "But you know what?"
0:31 Speaker 01 I think Christianity is back.
0:33 Speaker 02 Whoa.
0:34 Speaker 01 I think it's back.
0:36 Speaker 02 I'm gonna go ahead and agree with you, but why don't you go ahead and tell me why you think that?
0:39 Speaker 01 I think it's back. I think because so many atheists are so fucking annoying now that a lot of people who are cool are looping back to me like, "Hey, I actually don't want to go to heaven with y'all." I actually want to spend eternity with some of these nice people who can cook.
0:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
0:55 Speaker 01 I don't know if I need to spend heaven with a bunch of people who also don't have jobs.
1:00 Speaker 02 One of my coolest friends recently in New York, she's a Brooklyn girl, she's got good fashion, she's a cool young woman, and she told me, she was like, "Y'all, I can't hang out Sunday morning. I have church."
1:12 Speaker 01 See?
1:12 Speaker 02 That stuff I used to say as a joke.
1:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:14 Speaker 02 And now I'm like, "Oh, no, we're actually going to church again."
1:17 Speaker 01 That stuff, that stuff you say at a gay bar. You'll be like, "Wrap it up, y'all. We got church in the morning."
1:23 Speaker 02 Everyone clear out of the eagle.
1:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, get up. Hey, get up, everyone. Get up, get up. No, I think it's come, I think that like fun, kind of silly Christianity is gonna come back. I don't think hardline fundamentalism is gonna come back just because everyone has had too much gay sex now.
1:39 Speaker 02 That hasn't gone anywhere, though. That's here, so.
1:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, listen.
1:43 Speaker 02 I don't know if you're woking around, but...
1:44 Speaker 01 Wait, wait. What? What happened? I've been asleep since October. Did something happen in November?
1:49 Speaker 02 Oh, my God, yes.
1:50 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:50 Speaker 02 A couple things.
1:51 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:52 Speaker 02 They slipped my mind, though.
1:53 Speaker 01 I don't know what it is.
1:54 Speaker 02 But it seemed, yeah, it seemed important. I was just saying stuff I've heard on the street. I was like, "Things are going bad, I guess."
1:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:59 Speaker 02 Not for me. Y'all need to be...
2:00 Speaker 01 My Haitian friends, they see...
2:04 Speaker 01 We laugh.
2:05 Speaker 02 No, that's not funny.
2:06 Speaker 01 We, it's not funny.
2:06 Speaker 02 Things are tough right now.
2:07 Speaker 01 Caleb is not a joke.
2:09 Speaker 02 I'm not kidding around.
2:09 Speaker 01 As two people who are from red states, we know it is super important.
2:13 Speaker 02 Right.
2:14 Speaker 01 Right now.
2:16 Speaker 02 Jay, be serious.
2:17 Speaker 01 More than ever.
2:17 Speaker 02 Right, in this climate? Stop.
2:21 Speaker 01 No.
2:22 Speaker 02 Everyone needs to stop.
2:23 Speaker 01 Stop. Everyone needs to stop.
2:24 Speaker 02 Everyone quit now.
2:25 Speaker 01 Stop what you're doing.
2:27 Speaker 02 You're from Mississippi or Alabama?
2:28 Speaker 01 I'm from Mississippi.
2:28 Speaker 02 You're from Mississippi and then went to school there.
2:30 Speaker 01 Went to school in Mississippi and Alabama.
2:31 Speaker 02 And then Alabama.
2:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, which don't really count as school if you went to.
2:34 Speaker 02 Right. They don't even really do books down there, right? That's not funny. That's not funny, Jaycee.
2:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, Missouri, that ain't funny. Missouri? I know, listen, Kansas City.
2:45 Speaker 02 You're getting me to say things I don't even feel.
2:46 Speaker 01 Hey, hey, everyone watching at home, the last time we hung out.
2:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:49 Speaker 01 What did we do? What's the first thing we did when we hung out?
2:52 Speaker 02 I, you, you flew into Kansas City to do a benefit show that I was a part of.
2:56 Speaker 01 And I. What did I text you?
2:58 Speaker 02 You said, "Get me to barbecue now." And that is exactly what the fuck I did.
3:02 Speaker 01 When we were at that barbecue joint, we sat next to a family with a baby.
3:09 Speaker 02 I forgot, okay, okay, okay. I took you, I forgot about this. I took you to one of my favorite barbecue spots in Kansas City.
3:14 Speaker 01 Slaps.
3:14 Speaker 02 Slaps in Strawberry Hill, Kansas.
3:16 Speaker 01 And the lady was mean, which was good.
3:18 Speaker 02 She was not nice to us on this day.
3:20 Speaker 01 I said hello, she said, "What do you want?"
3:23 Speaker 02 Well, it's busy in there, Jay.
3:24 Speaker 01 It was busy.
3:25 Speaker 02 Stop goofing off.
3:25 Speaker 01 It was busy, it was.
3:27 Speaker 02 You looked at me with like you had seen a ghost. And then you pointed out to me that next to us.
3:32 Speaker 01 Yes, there was a family with a small baby, a baby with no teeth, and that baby was sucking on a rib. That baby was sucking on a rib.
3:43 Speaker 02 I love my city.
3:45 Speaker 01 Formula, no. Breast milk, no.
3:47 Speaker 02 No.
3:47 Speaker 01 Pork.
3:48 Speaker 02 That baby.
3:49 Speaker 01 Get that baby some hog.
3:50 Speaker 02 Was taking a rib down.
3:52 Speaker 01 Oh, my goodness.
3:53 Speaker 02 And was killing it.
3:54 Speaker 01 And that's when I was like, oh, I feel at home.
3:56 Speaker 02 That is my city. Kansas City, I love you, never change.
3:59 Speaker 01 Caleb, Caleb also saw me eat, eat barbecue and then go, "You thought I was playing about this."
4:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:05 Speaker 01 I'm not playing.
4:06 Speaker 02 You, you ate barbecue like a fat person.
4:08 Speaker 01 I love barbecue.
4:09 Speaker 02 That's the highest compliment I can give.
4:10 Speaker 01 You know, I'm from Mississippi, so spiritually.
4:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:14 Speaker 01 I ain't little.
4:15 Speaker 02 You weren't supposed to be this small.
4:16 Speaker 01 No, no, no.
4:17 Speaker 02 Something occurred here that wasn't supposed to happen.
4:18 Speaker 01 My, my brother, he's a truck driver, so I can say it, he's not skinny, at all. And so every now and then, I'm like, oh, I gotta keep up with this motherfucker.
4:26 Speaker 02 Right.
4:27 Speaker 01 Sometimes he'll go back to get a plate. I go, I guess I gotta go.
4:29 Speaker 02 Hey, here we are.
4:31 Speaker 01 I'm the older brother. You can't out eat me.
4:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:35 Speaker 02 Are you bisexual?
4:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:37 Speaker 02 Can I say something?
4:38 Speaker 01 I know you hate him.
4:39 Speaker 02 Can I say something? Can I just clear the air?
4:42 Speaker 01 One of the best jokes on Comedy Central featuring, we can say it, the bisexual Italian joke. It's very good.
4:48 Speaker 02 That's my joke.
4:49 Speaker 01 It's very good. It's an amazing joke. The leather jacket tag, it's an amazing joke. I will say this, we're coming for you.
4:54 Speaker 02 Jay, can I just say something? Because here's the thing, by the way, I want to tell you, as someone who appreciates joke writing.
4:59 Speaker 01 Yes.
4:59 Speaker 02 I wrote that, I had, I had had the setup in the beginning of that joke for a long time. I wrote that, uh, series of tags the day of the taping.
5:09 Speaker 01 Beautiful.
5:09 Speaker 02 And I was like, I'll just try it tonight and see what happens.
5:11 Speaker 01 Beautiful.
5:11 Speaker 02 And it's one of my favorite parts of the set, which was really fun.
5:13 Speaker 01 It's so good.
5:14 Speaker 02 That's a little behind the scenes for people who know the set.
5:16 Speaker 01 If you like how the sausage is made.
5:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, if you like going behind the curtain with me and Jay.
5:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:20 Speaker 02 Um, but, I'm positive on bi people, and Jay, you're one of the best to do it, and I've yet to see you with a woman, but I believe that it has happened. And I believe that you want it to happen.
5:29 Speaker 01 I have to keep them hidden.
5:32 Speaker 02 Oh, because you want to work.
5:33 Speaker 01 Yeah. That's the worst thing in the world. Jay, I love all your queer, who's this?
5:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:40 Speaker 01 Who's this?
5:40 Speaker 02 What is she/her doing here?
5:42 Speaker 01 Whoa, timeout, timeout. My favorite thing about your joke about bisexual people is how many bi people proved that they weren't fun.
5:53 Speaker 02 I know, that's the hard part. Jay, don't suck me back in.
6:00 Speaker 01 Because I'm laughing, I'm giggling, I'm kicking my feet. Some of them were like, enough.
6:04 Speaker 02 Right.
6:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, if you're gonna be that mad, I made a joke about your Steven Universe t-shirt. You can't.
6:10 Speaker 02 Hey, leave the trans girls out of it. Leave the trans girls, the non-binary people out of it, Jay.
6:17 Speaker 02 Do you know what my favorite thing about, uh, trans people is?
6:20 Speaker 01 Everything.
6:21 Speaker 02 Everything. I wouldn't change a thing. So, anyway.
6:24 Speaker 01 They would, but I...
6:27 Speaker 01 I wouldn't.
6:29 Speaker 02 Jay.
6:30 Speaker 01 Kind of part and parcel.
6:31 Speaker 02 That wasn't appropriate.
6:32 Speaker 01 That was not appropriate, but it was funny.
6:35 Speaker 02 My favorite thing about trans people is, uh, the, the names, like, trans, a trans guy will always pick, like, the cutest little, most proper name.
6:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:42 Speaker 02 They'll be like, "I'm Liam."
6:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:44 Speaker 02 "I'm, I'm Emmett. I'm, I'm, I'm, you know, Preston." They'll always, every time.
6:49 Speaker 01 Sometimes they go Neo, and I go, "Too on the nose."
6:51 Speaker 02 But here's what I'm telling you, then it's trans women that'll be like, "I'm cunt goddess amethyst of the mystical river forest." And you're like, "Okay." Yeah, they're never, the trans women are never being like, "I'm Rebecca." They're never going, it's the disconnect between those two that makes me laugh. The trans men and trans women.
7:09 Speaker 01 And cunt, river goddess, amethyst also somehow works for a tech company.
7:15 Speaker 02 Serve. Serve. Serve, by the way.
7:18 Speaker 01 She makes a lot of money online.
7:20 Speaker 02 Yes.
7:20 Speaker 01 I, I like having a chosen name because as a comedian, I didn't do it, so now all my business is out there. You can just find old everything from me.
7:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:31 Speaker 01 So whenever you get to kind of reinvent yourself or choose a new name, I think that's beautiful. All of my trans, all of my trans fans are usually fun.
7:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:40 Speaker 01 Cause I, I kind of train people, if you enjoy my comedy, you better be there to laugh, not to be like, "Oh, Jay's morally correct."
7:47 Speaker 02 Right.
7:47 Speaker 01 Cause sometimes I'm not gonna be.
7:48 Speaker 02 I think what blurs the line for me a little bit is that I'm often not doing as hard setup and punchline as you are. I'm like rambling and doing a little more like stories and vibes.
7:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, and preaching.
7:59 Speaker 02 And preaching.
7:59 Speaker 01 And preaching.
8:00 Speaker 02 A little bit, but I'm not waiting for, I'm not waiting for applause. I don't want people to clap it when I say something correct. I'm usually trying to get somewhere funny, but because of that, people sometimes get a little more up in arms about my thing cause they think like, they thought I was just up there free balling. When I had written that, you know what I mean? They don't think of it as much as a joke. Does that make sense?
8:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, it's because they align with you, they like you, they don't want this to be something that's kind of formulaic and false and presented to other people. They are like, oh, Caleb's here in this moment with me. But to those people, I want to remind you, his most famous clip online is him threatening someone with a gun.
8:37 Speaker 02 Right.
8:38 Speaker 01 Just so you know.
8:38 Speaker 02 Just so we can clear that up.
8:40 Speaker 01 He will kill you.
8:40 Speaker 02 And here's what I'll say about fat people.
8:45 Speaker 01 I love him.
8:46 Speaker 02 I love him, and I don't hang out with fat people that talk about weight loss because that's fucking boring and I don't care.
8:50 Speaker 01 Let's get, let's get, let's get into that.
8:52 Speaker 02 Let's start there.
8:53 Speaker 01 Because that's actually kind of crazy.
8:55 Speaker 02 Let's start there.
8:56 Speaker 01 A fat person who always talks about weight loss, that is the kind of, that's, those are the people who always kind of, you go, girl, but all of the people listening to this are fat. So what are you telling them?
9:10 Speaker 02 By the way, fat people, when I am around a fat person who talks about weight loss, they love to say this one thing. Because the fat people that talk about weight loss all the time are obsessed with it for themselves. And then they want to prescribe it to you. I'm not interested in losing weight. I like the way I look.
9:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:21 Speaker 02 First of all. Second of all, I have zero health issues. It's not a concern. If I went to the doctor tomorrow and they're like, hey, it needs to be 100 pounds because of this, this, or this, I might consider it. But they always like to say, I've tried everything. Hey, let me tell you something. No, you haven't. Stop lying. Stop lying right now. Quit expeditiously tell the truth. No, you have not.
9:40 Speaker 01 Because heroin works, and we haven't said that.
9:42 Speaker 02 You haven't tried that? And also not stopping at 7-Eleven and getting sweets on the way home works. And I know you haven't tried. Do not lie to me about what you've tried.
9:51 Speaker 01 I'm in a place of privilege, so laughing at that.
9:56 Speaker 02 What privilege is that?
9:56 Speaker 01 I have, I have thin privilege, but I also have eat a lot of food in front of people and because I'm skinny, they don't say anything privileged.
10:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:04 Speaker 01 Unlike you, who said I eat like a fat person.
10:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, I said, you're big ass.
10:07 Speaker 01 Run the tapes back.
10:09 Speaker 02 Rewind. I keep trying to look for my camera there, and it's there. And I need to remember that for the audience. Okay, Jay, Mississippi, Alabama.
10:16 Speaker 01 Yes.
10:17 Speaker 02 And then do you move straight to New York after that?
10:18 Speaker 01 I moved straight to New York. I went back home for like a little bit of the summer, saved some money, and then I flew out. I wanna say July 9th, moved to New York, moved to Park Slope, too expensive, then I moved to East Harlem.
10:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, are you still, are you, well, I guess I wouldn't say that, but are you in Manhattan still?
10:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm still in Manhattan, it is, we're in Manhattan right now.
10:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:40 Speaker 01 I don't wanna blow, you know, I don't wanna blow your spot up.
10:42 Speaker 02 You can tell them that we're in Manhattan, cuz they need to know how much I do for this podcast.
10:45 Speaker 01 This is in Manhattan.
10:46 Speaker 02 I come to Manhattan to do this show.
10:48 Speaker 01 He commutes.
10:49 Speaker 02 Y'all join the Patreon.
10:50 Speaker 01 It's a pilgrimage.
10:50 Speaker 02 Yes, I did, I do a hajj to the HeadGum Studios in midtown Manhattan like I'm a fucking banker. Jesus Christ, can we get a studio in Brooklyn? What, who, HeadGum?
11:02 Speaker 01 You just, you know.
11:03 Speaker 02 Look at who does your podcasts.
11:05 Speaker 01 Look at who listens.
11:05 Speaker 02 What are we doing in midtown Manhattan? Have you heard of Brooklyn?
11:10 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
11:12 Speaker 02 Jake and Amir.
11:13 Speaker 01 He said, he, you're so.
11:17 Speaker 02 Get on the phones, Jake and Amir, Jake and Amir, if you can hear me.
11:20 Speaker 01 He's not wrong.
11:21 Speaker 02 Move the studios to Brooklyn, it's outrageous.
11:23 Speaker 01 I'm always surprised, I was, okay, I, I was surprised whenever I found out you were back in Brooklyn. Cuz it kinda, there's a very much a where in the world is Caleb Hearon situation.
11:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:36 Speaker 01 With your big hat and your red trench.
11:38 Speaker 02 People hate this, yeah.
11:39 Speaker 01 Where are you right now?
11:41 Speaker 02 People are sick of this, in this moment, I'm in midtown Manhattan.
11:43 Speaker 01 Okay, alright.
11:44 Speaker 02 And spiritually as well, I'm here with you in a big way.
11:46 Speaker 01 That's beautiful.
11:47 Speaker 02 You came to Kansas City, what'd you think of it?
11:48 Speaker 01 I loved it.
11:49 Speaker 02 We loved having you.
11:50 Speaker 01 You know, my first thought, beautiful airport.
11:53 Speaker 02 By the way, and you know what is crazy about Kansas Cityans?
11:56 Speaker 01 Say it.
11:57 Speaker 02 We're ungrateful.
11:58 Speaker 01 Hmm.
11:58 Speaker 02 Cuz I have friends that are complaining about our new airport because it's a little bit longer of a walk.
12:02 Speaker 01 The airport is gorgeous.
12:03 Speaker 02 I know.
12:04 Speaker 01 That airport is beautiful, and you know what they do? When you land, when you come down the escalator, they let you know, Black Mayor.
12:11 Speaker 02 Yes.
12:11 Speaker 01 Big.
12:12 Speaker 02 Yes.
12:13 Speaker 01 I, I, I came down the escalator, I went, oh god.
12:16 Speaker 02 Quentin?
12:16 Speaker 01 Oh god.
12:17 Speaker 02 Quentin Lucas?
12:18 Speaker 01 I feel safe.
12:18 Speaker 02 Black Mayor.
12:19 Speaker 01 I, I thought it was Patrick Mahomes, it's not.
12:21 Speaker 02 You did not think it was Patrick Mahomes.
12:23 Speaker 01 I thought it was half of Patrick Mahomes.
12:25 Speaker 01 I told a Patrick Mahomes joke at the Kansas City show, and the crowd went, huh, and then they laughed.
12:29 Speaker 02 They don't know if they're allowed to do, he is, he's deified around there.
12:33 Speaker 01 He looks like an example of why maybe we shouldn't mix races.
12:35 Speaker 02 And Jay, I heard the joke from backstage.
12:39 Speaker 01 He's fast, but he looks goofy, okay?
12:44 Speaker 01 You know how they showed off, you know like when a lot of people like, oh, every mixed person is hot? And then he was like, wait a second.
12:49 Speaker 02 He said, hold on, you know what?
12:51 Speaker 01 He said, I'm good at football.
12:53 Speaker 02 Jay?
12:55 Speaker 02 I'm gonna tell you something you might not like.
12:56 Speaker 01 Sideshow Bob is good at football.
12:59 Speaker 02 I find him attractive.
13:00 Speaker 01 Oh, woo!
13:01 Speaker 02 Do you think that's just my fandom?
13:03 Speaker 01 I think you're a loyalist.
13:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:05 Speaker 01 I think you're, I think, I think you're being blinded by the Kansas City of it.
13:09 Speaker 02 No, there's something about a man who performs under pressure.
13:13 Speaker 01 You know what it is? I think that because of your Christian upbringing, you've hooked up with men whose wives are Republican before.
13:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, hey, that's true. Do you know what I said the other night? I thought you would appreciate this. I was talking about Luigi on stage.
13:26 Speaker 01 Yes.
13:27 Speaker 02 As I want to do now.
13:28 Speaker 01 Luigi Mangione? Who allegedly, none of us know.
13:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, huh. Isn't that funny?
13:33 Speaker 01 I don't know that man.
13:34 Speaker 02 Need him. Need him. Need him.
13:37 Speaker 01 In a biblical way.
13:38 Speaker 02 And people think I need him because he's got, you know, chiseled abs and a square jaw and eyes that you want to swim in until you drown.
13:43 Speaker 01 And a fun unibrow.
13:44 Speaker 02 I am attracted to him in this way, and a fun unibrow. I'm attracted to him as furiously as I am because he showed up on time and did what he said he was gonna do.
13:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:53 Speaker 02 How hot is that?
13:54 Speaker 01 Woo, a man who commits.
13:56 Speaker 02 A man who does what he says he's gonna do.
13:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, also, I'm gonna say something less, um, less elevated than thought.
14:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:04 Speaker 01 Butts kinda furry, probably.
14:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, exactly correct.
14:07 Speaker 01 I don't hate that.
14:08 Speaker 02 And confirmed bisexual from, to hear the internet tell it.
14:11 Speaker 01 Just from the Pokemon tweets.
14:12 Speaker 02 To hear that? To hear the internet tell it. Now, I've seen his particular brand of frat boy with that smile.
14:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:19 Speaker 02 There's something in that kinda frat boy smile that I'm like, I know.
14:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:22 Speaker 02 What's happened.
14:23 Speaker 01 That's the kinda boy who goes, listen, suck on it a little bit.
14:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, what? It's 3 a.m., I'm feeling lonely.
14:29 Speaker 01 Hey, listen, oh no, jungle juice, I don't know who's who.
14:33 Speaker 02 I'm drunk, I'm drunk. It's 3 a.m., I'm feeling lonely. I recently got back into Matchbox 20.
14:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, wait a second.
14:40 Speaker 02 I'm back on Matchbox 20.
14:41 Speaker 01 Hey, Greta Garig, who the fuck do you think you are? Talking bad about Matchbox 20 during the Barbie movie.
14:46 Speaker 02 Did she? I didn't see it.
14:48 Speaker 01 There's an entire, I wanna say, section of the movie where Ken is kinda discovering misogyny.
14:56 Speaker 02 It's been a while, I'm feeling lonely.
14:58 Speaker 01 And they sing Matchbox Twenty.
15:00 Speaker 02 To be misogynist?
15:01 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
15:01 Speaker 02 Oh, that's unfair, unless I don't know those guys very well.
15:05 Speaker 01 No.
15:05 Speaker 02 I love their music.
15:06 Speaker 01 This is why we're friends. When I was younger and I discovered Matchbox Twenty, I told my mom I wanted a Matchbox Twenty CD. And she said, "Well, you have to know some of the songs." And I said, "One of the songs, it goes like this." "I wanna push you around."
15:22 Speaker 02 And I will.
15:23 Speaker 01 And my mom said, "You ain't pushing nobody."
15:25 Speaker 02 Yeah. She said, "Push pause." On asking me for anything revolving around that.
15:31 Speaker 01 You ain't pushing nobody in this house.
15:34 Speaker 01 You know what she did? She bought me Usher and Mariah Carey instead and made me gay.
15:38 Speaker 02 By the way, and now you're a big homo, half the time.
15:42 Speaker 01 It's...
15:42 Speaker 02 No, no, no, no.
15:44 Speaker 01 I gotta put in my hours, it's billable.
15:48 Speaker 02 Fifteen-minute increments.
15:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, woo.
15:50 Speaker 02 "I wonder what it's like to know that I made the rain." That's, these guys got in the booth and killed it. They make incredible music, Matchbox Twenty. And Rob Thomas, you know Street Corner Symphony?
16:02 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:04 Speaker 02 He almost fixed everything with that one. He almost fixed everything with that one. You know what I'm talking about? He said, "My sisters and my brothers of every different color come together."
16:18 Speaker 02 He almost fixed everything with that one.
16:19 Speaker 01 My favorite take of like, that sort of like, pocket of nineties fun rock is that now at karaoke? You could tear the house down with those.
16:32 Speaker 02 Come on.
16:33 Speaker 01 You put on Sister Hazel, you put on Matchbox Twenty, you put on Sugar Ray at a karaoke right now? For millennials, older people, younger people? For older millennials? We're gonna tear the foundation around.
16:45 Speaker 02 Yes.
16:46 Speaker 01 We're gonna dance, we don't scream.
16:47 Speaker 02 I'm doing a friend's karaoke birthday show in January. And you know what song I'm thinking about doing? "I'll be your crying shoulder."
16:58 Speaker 01 "I'll be love suicide."
17:02 Speaker 02 Edwin McCain, you will always be famous, brother.
17:04 Speaker 01 Edwin McCain, you understand how many people in their 40s fucked to that song?
17:10 Speaker 02 Yes.
17:12 Speaker 02 And that's my, by the way, that's my love.
17:14 Speaker 01 They fuck.
17:15 Speaker 02 Love suicide?
17:16 Speaker 01 Nineties.
17:17 Speaker 02 Two-step plan.
17:18 Speaker 01 Late nineties.
17:19 Speaker 02 Late nineties.
17:21 Speaker 02 We're going down different paths. Hold on, hold on, let me bring it back to you. People were fucking to that in the late nineties. How, when were you born?
17:28 Speaker 01 I can't tell you.
17:31 Speaker 01 I can't tell you that.
17:32 Speaker 02 No worries, no worries.
17:34 Speaker 01 I'm a baby with gray hair.
17:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, no worries, no worries.
17:37 Speaker 01 With my gray is coming in. I was born by the river.
17:41 Speaker 02 I was born, don't get me started.
17:43 Speaker 01 My favorite, okay, so because you are from Missouri, one of my favorite things about Missouri this year is that y'all gave us Sexy Red. And when I say.
17:54 Speaker 02 We do what we can.
17:55 Speaker 01 That woman, she really represents a girl that I went to high school with.
18:01 Speaker 02 Yes.
18:01 Speaker 01 I've said this before, Sexy Red looks like the kind of girl who still dick with her glasses on.
18:06 Speaker 02 By the way, yes, because she might need to read later.
18:09 Speaker 01 We know these girls.
18:10 Speaker 02 Yes, she's a paralegal, she might need to read. She's a paralegal and she might need to read.
18:15 Speaker 01 Sexy Red is a paralegal. Your honor, oh, I ain't in court.
18:21 Speaker 02 Well, then take those pants off.
18:23 Speaker 01 Glasses, pencil skirt, bow, bow, bow, bow, innocent.
18:27 Speaker 02 By the way, I love that, I love that you said that. Sexy Red, what was I trying to think of? You were talking about Sexy Red and Missouri. I don't remember. A lot of great people from Missouri, though.
18:38 Speaker 01 Who else?
18:38 Speaker 02 Oh, God, me, um, Chapel Rohn.
18:41 Speaker 01 Wait a second.
18:42 Speaker 02 Nelly.
18:42 Speaker 01 That other dude, which one? Harry Truman?
18:46 Speaker 02 Huh, yes.
18:46 Speaker 01 Harry Truman?
18:47 Speaker 02 Yes.
18:47 Speaker 01 He was at the hotel.
18:49 Speaker 02 What?
18:49 Speaker 01 A bus, not him.
18:50 Speaker 02 How does it say? He's quite past. He's quite, he's quite past, actually. You came into my benefit show, it was so good to have you there.
18:57 Speaker 01 We love, we love Nelly, thank you, I was happy.
18:59 Speaker 02 St. Louis, though.
19:00 Speaker 01 Cornell, yes.
19:01 Speaker 02 St. Louis.
19:04 Speaker 01 Fine, say it.
19:05 Speaker 02 St. Louis is fine, Kansas City is so obviously-
19:07 Speaker 01 You don't like fried ravioli?
19:08 Speaker 02 Oh, I mean-
19:09 Speaker 01 You don't like pizza that's slightly different?
19:11 Speaker 02 Every city with their pizza, by the way. Can we stop it? Every city with their pizza. Stop it. No one cares. No one cares. Where's your Thai food? By the way, Jay, have you noticed? Do you like Thai food?
19:23 Speaker 01 I do like Thai food.
19:23 Speaker 02 Have you noticed in New York City, you've lived here for a cou- couple of years-
19:27 Speaker 01 Nine years.
19:27 Speaker 02 Uh, a little while.
19:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:28 Speaker 02 And have you noticed, this city, there's no good pad thai.
19:32 Speaker 01 Ooh.
19:33 Speaker 02 There's not a pad thai in New York that I can get behind.
19:35 Speaker 01 I, I, I'm a red curry chicken girl and a mango sticky rice girl.
19:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:41 Speaker 01 Pad thai to me, I'll have some of someone else's.
19:45 Speaker 02 See, but maybe if there was a great one here.
19:48 Speaker 01 What's the other one? Pattissu? What's, what's-
19:50 Speaker 02 Pattissu.
19:50 Speaker 01 Pattissu, yeah.
19:51 Speaker 02 Penang curry is my, I'm usually a Penang curry.
19:53 Speaker 01 A southern grandparent. What's the other one? Pattissu?
19:56 Speaker 02 What did they do, um-
19:57 Speaker 01 Who that girl?
19:58 Speaker 02 Patt- um.
19:58 Speaker 01 Caleb, who's your friend?
20:02 Speaker 01 What, what's her name?
20:03 Speaker 02 It was, um-
20:05 Speaker 01 She's, uh-
20:06 Speaker 02 Hard candy rolling around in her mouth.
20:09 Speaker 02 There was just an Asian woman comic, I believe she was Vietnamese-
20:12 Speaker 01 Yes.
20:13 Speaker 02 Talking about how hard it is to make black audiences laugh.
20:16 Speaker 01 Ooh.
20:17 Speaker 02 And I can't, I don't know who she is, but I'm wondering if, I think this clip was viral, if anyone has seen it.
20:21 Speaker 01 Uh, no, I think she's Chinese, uh-
20:24 Speaker 02 Is she Chinese?
20:25 Speaker 01 Joying Summers? Summers is her last name, I think.
20:28 Speaker 02 Look him.
20:29 Speaker 01 Uh, black audiences, huh, black audiences aren't hard to make laugh. There's just, the, the initial laugh, there's a higher bar, and once you clear that, black audiences go, "I trust you."
20:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:43 Speaker 01 There's a, there's a moment where you really have to let them know, "You know what you look like, you know who you are, you're not gonna take any shit, but also you're there with them, you're in the space, "You can talk a little shit, and when you do that, cuz one time, I remember I performed for like, a black "crowd outside for my friend Jonathan's show, my friend Tekla. And like, so this is a crowd of black people who are already outside, so they mad."
21:12 Speaker 02 They're pissed off, to start with.
21:12 Speaker 01 They sit on grass, which we don't like. Don't put me outside, again, America. So, what happens-
21:19 Speaker 02 Thank, hey.
21:20 Speaker 01 History.
21:20 Speaker 02 I know we're playing around, but thank you for saying, I'm holding space for that.
21:26 Speaker 02 Here's what I'll say, anyone earnestly, I have a, I have trouble with earnestness.
21:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:31 Speaker 02 In any, like, I have trouble with, like, I have trouble with when someone's looking into a camera, especially in a press junket, and being like, doing the Little Mermaid movie. Like, what that means for girls with red hair, and like, what that might, what the implications that could have. I'm like, shut up.
21:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, well, first of all, once again, upsetting the mermaid community, so.
21:52 Speaker 02 Well.
21:52 Speaker 01 Just put, make a, have a running tab.
21:54 Speaker 02 I'm gonna go down.
21:55 Speaker 01 Bisexuals.
21:56 Speaker 02 Fats.
21:57 Speaker 01 Mermaids.
21:58 Speaker 02 Fats slash chubbies.
21:59 Speaker 01 He said fats.
22:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, you can't say that.
22:03 Speaker 01 I would say POS, people of size.
22:05 Speaker 02 Yes, okay. You know, POS might not be the best thing to call fat people. There's another implication to that one, Jay. Jay Jurden calls fat people POSs.
22:17 Speaker 02 Let's have that be the headline.
22:20 Speaker 01 We'll hear you pieces of shit.
22:25 Speaker 02 Jay, uh.
22:26 Speaker 01 No, I feel comfortable. I'm, every, every time, not me being like, my brother's fat, y'all.
22:33 Speaker 02 My brother's a fat trucker. He barely moves, y'all, relax. Relax. You wouldn't, you wouldn't wanna see what he does in a gas station bathroom. Chill.
22:41 Speaker 01 He's on the road, I'm on the road.
22:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
22:45 Speaker 01 Do you ever get, do you ever get upset when there are certain people who, like, honestly dislike fat people? And you go, oh, wait a second, I was doing a bit, you mean it?
22:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:54 Speaker 01 What, damn?
22:55 Speaker 02 You're asking me have I met people that don't like fat people? Uh, let me tell you something, Jay, I meet them every day in my comments and DMs. Do you know how mad people get at me?
23:04 Speaker 01 That you're just laughing?
23:05 Speaker 02 Oh, that I'm exist as fat, they hate it.
23:07 Speaker 01 Not you being happy, and you go, I thought we were supposed to be jolly. Which one is it?
23:11 Speaker 02 What is it?
23:12 Speaker 01 Give me one.
23:12 Speaker 02 Do you love Santa or not? What do you want from me?
23:17 Speaker 02 What do you want from me?
23:20 Speaker 01 They get, they get mad at you for being gay too, just so you know.
23:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, but that's a little, you have to couch that now. You have to be a little cooler about that now. Even, even the worst among us are getting pretty scared of being homophobic openly. Cause they realize a lot of us can fight.
23:33 Speaker 01 Yeah. Oh, let's bring that up.
23:35 Speaker 02 Gay people can fight now.
23:36 Speaker 01 Cause I know too many of my gay friends who will beat the shit out of my straight friends.
23:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:42 Speaker 01 Honestly, I could, there's a, there's a situation where a lot of my gay friends could be beating up my straight friends and being like, you fucking. And.
23:54 Speaker 01 And I'd be like, I don't know who to cheer for.
23:56 Speaker 02 Yeah. And has that happened?
23:59 Speaker 01 I mean, no.
24:01 Speaker 02 Right.
24:02 Speaker 01 I've never, I, I don't promote violence.
24:04 Speaker 02 No.
24:05 Speaker 01 I'm, I'm nonviolent unless like it's raining.
24:08 Speaker 02 Yeah, and then.
24:09 Speaker 01 Then like, get the fuck out of my way.
24:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:11 Speaker 01 Today I did have a couple of moments where I was like, you figure out where you're going.
24:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, immediately. And also figure out the, Josh Sharp has an incredible.
24:18 Speaker 01 Figure out where you're going.
24:19 Speaker 02 Do you know Josh Sharp?
24:19 Speaker 01 I love Josh Sharp.
24:20 Speaker 02 Josh Sharp has an incredible bit.
24:21 Speaker 01 North Carolina. There's a lot of southern people who we like.
24:24 Speaker 02 Yes. That's kind of where you, yeah, you and I will find a southern person and be like.
24:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. It'll be like, wait a second, you're charming, but also you don't take no shit?
24:32 Speaker 02 He has a really brilliant bit in his latest hour about, um, he's basically is like, people in New York, you should have to have a permit to operate an umbrella. Like, these fucking people do not.
24:43 Speaker 01 I mean, they're taking people out, they're opening them in enclosed spaces. It's, it's wild.
24:49 Speaker 02 I'm gonna, remind me to, Josh is coming on the show soon, remind me to bring that bit up so he can tell it himself. But it's so funny.
24:53 Speaker 01 The thing I've noticed about New York umbrellas, people, they'll buy a CVS umbrella.
24:58 Speaker 02 Right.
24:58 Speaker 01 And be surprised when it prolapses.
25:00 Speaker 02 Right, it's gonna prolapse. The asshole is gonna fall out of that thing.
25:03 Speaker 01 It's going inside out. Why? You bought it for $5.
25:06 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:06 Speaker 01 You're getting 10 minutes with that thing, maybe.
25:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:09 Speaker 01 They're always like, I can't believe this doesn't work. You bought it at CVS.
25:13 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
25:13 Speaker 01 That's not an umbrella store.
25:15 Speaker 02 You brought a nice umbrella in here.
25:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:17 Speaker 02 How much you spent on that thing?
25:17 Speaker 01 I can't say.
25:18 Speaker 02 Say.
25:19 Speaker 01 I can't say.
25:20 Speaker 02 Is it under a hundred?
25:20 Speaker 01 I'm making a little money.
25:21 Speaker 02 Is it under a hundred?
25:22 Speaker 01 It's under a hundred, but it is, it's an inverted umbrella. It doesn't open the traditional way.
25:26 Speaker 02 It's north of 50, isn't it?
25:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's.
25:28 Speaker 02 You spent more than 50 on that thing, didn't you?
25:30 Speaker 01 No.
25:30 Speaker 02 You spent $73.99 on that thing.
25:32 Speaker 01 I mean, it was more than 30. That's what I will say.
25:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:37 Speaker 01 And I've lost it.
25:38 Speaker 02 $73.99.
25:38 Speaker 01 So I've, I mean, times three.
25:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:41 Speaker 01 We making a little money.
25:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:43 Speaker 01 We making a little umbrella money.
25:44 Speaker 02 You're rich.
25:45 Speaker 01 I'm not rich.
25:45 Speaker 02 And you have a husband.
25:46 Speaker 01 I do have a husband.
25:47 Speaker 02 Jay, you as a bi person are supposed to come on and give me some credibility in the space.
25:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, listen, we are proud and I was gonna say hardworking people, but I can't.
25:59 Speaker 02 The reality is, nobody works anymore. Let's have that conversation. Nobody, hey, can I, hey, okay, Jay, hold on, I wanna say something. My leftist friends.
26:09 Speaker 01 Yes.
26:09 Speaker 02 Who are complaining about capitalism, on their Insta story, from their couch, at 2:00 PM on a Tuesday, where they work from home and make eighty-three thousand dollars a year and have full benefits. It's getting a little hard to believe you.
26:30 Speaker 02 Unlimited PTO and you're mad at capitalism, you better send your boss some flowers.
26:37 Speaker 02 What are you talking about? You realize kids used to get coal miners long, right? I'm sorry, I'm looking at myself when I say this. Do you realize I talk about Chicago, when I was in my early twenties, I talk about Chicago like I went to war. I worked as an administrative assistant in high rises in Chicago.
26:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, my first job, when I first moved to New York City, this isn't gonna help with my, with the anti-fat rumors. I was a personal trainer at David Byrne.
27:04 Speaker 02 You were the natural predator of a fat person.
27:05 Speaker 01 It was mostly me just talking to women whose husbands ignored them.
27:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:10 Speaker 01 And gay men flirting with me, and one man who worked for, say it with me, class, Donald Trump.
27:17 Speaker 02 Okay.
27:18 Speaker 01 One of my first big clients, he worked for Donald Trump. And he, and I cannot make this up, he asked specifically for a young queer trainer. And so then, he would flirt with me a lot, he would like, he would get me gift cards to different places, and at one point.
27:36 Speaker 02 Name one place.
27:38 Speaker 01 Like, he got me like a fifty-dollar Chipotle gift card.
27:40 Speaker 02 Oh.
27:41 Speaker 01 Which, okay.
27:41 Speaker 02 He didn't want you that bad.
27:42 Speaker 01 But, that's what I'm saying, but in two, but in two thousand and fifteen, fifty dollars is Chipotle.
27:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:47 Speaker 01 That's stretching.
27:48 Speaker 02 That was like three or four thousand dollars now, yeah.
27:49 Speaker 01 That's stretching. That's stretch. We got, we got to account for inflation.
27:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:52 Speaker 01 The economy.
27:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
27:54 Speaker 01 Wages.
27:54 Speaker 02 And there's something else he wants to see stretched.
27:59 Speaker 01 One time he told me, he was like, uh, he was like, do, do you really think Mr. Trump? He would always say Mr. Trump, too. He was very respectful. He said, do you really think Mr. Trump hates gay people? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, he loves me. And I was like, oh. He said, he came out to Donald Trump. He had to come out to Donald Trump's, like, personal bodyguard. So he told that guy, he said, I'm gay, just because he wanted to get ahead of any rumors in case there was like some sort of rumor mill that was gonna try to like implicate the team with like having another gay staffer. And so he said, he's gay. And then the bodyguard told Donald Trump. And the, the bodyguard said, do you believe Matt's gay? And Donald Trump went, he would know.
28:41 Speaker 01 That's why whenever on the Z-Way interview you call that man a sissy, agreed.
28:45 Speaker 02 Don't, yes.
28:46 Speaker 01 Agreed.
28:47 Speaker 02 He, and the problem with him really is, and pe- people leftists can try as they might to deny this. He's one of the funniest people living.
28:54 Speaker 01 And you wanna know why? It's because there is a nat- and this is joke theory. There's a natural sort of, um, there's a natural counterpoint to all of like the prestige and the kind of like the elevated thoughts you're supposed to have as a president. And so whenever you counter that with like a low thought, whenever you counter that with like kind of being classless and kind of, I didn't mean to put, kind of being.
29:20 Speaker 02 Put those, put those hands down for me.
29:22 Speaker 01 Kind of being trashy and kind of being like, uh, like page six fodder. It's funny because there's this natural kind of like knee jerk reaction where you go, this thing isn't supposed to be happening here. You go, oh my gosh, I'm confused. And that confusion either elicits like rage or laughter because that's not how things are supposed to work. We break pattern recognition and he does. Sadly, a very good job of that. Cause they could be like, they could be like, oh, well grocery prices are getting pretty high. And he'd be like, you know who's worried about that? Chris Christie's fat ass. Like, that's what he does.
29:55 Speaker 02 And it's funny every time.
29:56 Speaker 01 He posted a AI image of him getting McDonald's delivered via drone.
30:01 Speaker 02 I know.
30:02 Speaker 01 And like, not like-
30:03 Speaker 02 It rocked.
30:04 Speaker 01 That's what-
30:04 Speaker 02 It rocked, it was so funny.
30:06 Speaker 01 That's what sucks is cause people are gonna be like, is this who people voted for? And be like, yeah, yeah, man. People also still go see Jeff Dunham. Like, it's not-
30:14 Speaker 02 My favorite moment of the campaign this time, I have a lot of favorite Trump moments. Not all, everyone knows how I feel about him politically, but, uh, he had one-
30:21 Speaker 01 Twice voted for him.
30:22 Speaker 02 Yes, four times. I was there before everyone else. I, I rode him in before it was an option. Yes, yes. No, he had this moment on the campaign when he was wearing the vest-
30:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:32 Speaker 02 From the truck.
30:33 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
30:33 Speaker 02 And he's onstage wearing it and he goes, "My team, they said, sir, it would be incredible if you would wear the vest onstage." I said, "I'm not doing that, bring me my jacket." And I got my jacket and they said, "Sir, you look thin in the vest." And I said, "I'm wearing the vest."
30:51 Speaker 02 And then he wore it onstage because his staffers told him he looked more thin in the vest. You just, oh, God, that's so fucking funny, dude. That rocks.
31:03 Speaker 01 It's, it's, you can't teach it. That's playing without the ball. These are the intangibles. You would, if you wanted to craft someone in a comedy lab, you'd be like, okay, make them an eccentric billionaire.
31:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:17 Speaker 01 Give them three wives. Ooh, make the last wife hate them.
31:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:22 Speaker 01 Give them one coke head son. Give them one pulled out too early son. Give them a daughter that they love and give them a Meg from Family Guy.
31:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:33 Speaker 01 He, he, he literally goes, "Tiffany, out of the picture. Everyone else, smile. Eric, don't smile, okay?
31:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:40 Speaker 01 Take it.
31:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:40 Speaker 01 Like, it's, it's, you, someone wrote this.
31:44 Speaker 02 It's objectively funny that this is the guy that has corralled the entire Family Values Coalition.
31:49 Speaker 01 Yes.
31:50 Speaker 02 Successfully when Mitt Romney couldn't do it.
31:52 Speaker 01 Mitt, a Mormon.
31:53 Speaker 02 Mitt Romney couldn't get the Family Values crowd- And this fucking philandering, thieving, conniving.
31:59 Speaker 01 A Mormon, Mitt Romney.
32:02 Speaker 02 Couldn't get him.
32:02 Speaker 01 Mitt, Mitt boring ass, it was because, we've talked about this, it's a little bit of like, people don't understand their class conscious, but they have these reactions that are kind of rooted in class and frustration. Cause with Mitt Romney, people went, mm, he's too rich, I don't like him, he's too, he's too, he's too officy. But Trump goes, I hate, I hate rich people.
32:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:25 Speaker 01 And they go.
32:26 Speaker 02 Same, he's more rich than Mitt Romney, yeah, it's insane, I mean, it does make me feel crazy. It makes me feel insane, it makes me feel fucking insane.
32:35 Speaker 01 Trump saying he hates rich people is me and Caleb walking into a bar and be like, a lot of gay people here, right?
32:39 Speaker 02 Which we would do.
32:40 Speaker 01 Which we, I'd be like, honestly.
32:43 Speaker 02 Get some of these.
32:45 Speaker 02 Sometimes I'll take first dates to a lesbian bar, just so there's no wandering eyes. I'm like, I don't need you.
32:50 Speaker 01 Once again, he doesn't believe in bisexuals.
32:54 Speaker 02 I know, Jay, stop, don't tell them that, you know I do.
32:57 Speaker 01 You're, you're a bi ally.
32:59 Speaker 02 I am.
32:59 Speaker 01 You know what we call a bi allies?
33:03 Speaker 01 Baristas.
33:05 Speaker 02 Stop it.
33:06 Speaker 01 No, no, every bi person should be able to laugh at that, or like, at least halfway.
33:12 Speaker 02 I have a question for you.
33:13 Speaker 01 Yes.
33:13 Speaker 02 What do you make of, okay, so I have a lot of thoughts on this.
33:16 Speaker 01 I think, I think she's queer, is that what you were gonna ask me?
33:18 Speaker 02 I do think she's queer.
33:19 Speaker 01 I think she's queer.
33:20 Speaker 02 Of course she's queer, with the way she dresses.
33:22 Speaker 01 Look at the way that she.
33:23 Speaker 02 No chance, she's straight, yeah, I've seen how she dressed when she was straight, she's queer now, look at the outfits.
33:29 Speaker 01 They pulled out that old boyfriend, I was like, that, I was like, I've seen a lot of girls that go lesbian after that boy, that is.
33:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, once you date a guy in that Henley, it's time to switch teams.
33:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, oh, the man who shops exclusively at Buckle, yeah.
33:43 Speaker 02 Not Buckle.
33:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:45 Speaker 02 Not the embellished jeans.
33:46 Speaker 01 I've been in the mall.
33:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:48 Speaker 01 I love a good mall.
33:49 Speaker 02 Do you ever do the buckle challenge when you were younger?
33:51 Speaker 01 No.
33:52 Speaker 02 Do you know the buckle challenge?
33:53 Speaker 01 Wait.
33:54 Speaker 02 Do you know the buckle challenge?
33:55 Speaker 01 You're, listen.
33:56 Speaker 02 This might be, this might be white people's stuff.
33:58 Speaker 01 Okay, and you know what?
34:00 Speaker 02 And I'm scared.
34:00 Speaker 01 I approve of it.
34:01 Speaker 02 I don't wanna be involved in white people's stuff, and you know that about me, but it is my culture.
34:04 Speaker 01 Caleb, you can't fight fate.
34:05 Speaker 02 I know, I'm white people's stuff.
34:07 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
34:08 Speaker 02 Wait, am I white people's stuff?
34:09 Speaker 01 You are.
34:10 Speaker 02 Fuck!
34:11 Speaker 01 But, but, but you're also black people's stuff.
34:13 Speaker 02 Thank god.
34:13 Speaker 01 You're also.
34:14 Speaker 02 Oh my god, I'm bi. Oh my god, I'm bi!
34:18 Speaker 01 Racial.
34:20 Speaker 02 So, that's not funny to joke about, right? Cause I'm not. And so I have to just be an eye.
34:25 Speaker 01 Wait a second, I'm seeing your, I'm seeing the curl pattern. I'm seeing a little bit.
34:29 Speaker 02 The buckle challenge is this. Back to my point. The buckle challenge, you've really never heard of this?
34:33 Speaker 01 No.
34:33 Speaker 02 The buckle challenge was big when I was in high school.
34:36 Speaker 01 Is it how many, is it how many tins of skull you can fit in the back pocket?
34:39 Speaker 02 No! No. The buckle challenge was, okay, Jay, you really don't know the buckle culture. Because where I'm from, guys would never put their skull can in their buckle jeans. They'd save that for the Levi's. You go into buckle.
34:50 Speaker 01 Not my good afflictions.
34:51 Speaker 02 You try, truly. You try to get all the way to the back of the store and touch the back wall and get out without being talked to by a store associate? And I guess the joke is like, they have really good customer service? But that was a game we would play in high school.
35:03 Speaker 01 That...
35:05 Speaker 01 Now, it's probably pretty easy.
35:07 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, no one has good customer service anymore.
35:09 Speaker 01 When you go into a buckle now, you see tumbleweeds.
35:12 Speaker 02 Wait, I geared up to ask you a question earlier and I never even got to it.
35:14 Speaker 01 Ask it.
35:15 Speaker 02 What do you make of this idea? That everyone who voted for Trump is racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. What do you do with that?
35:22 Speaker 01 I don't think, I think some of them are stupid. And people get mad, this is what happens. People get mad when you call people stupid. And then the news goes, no, they're low information voters. Same thing.
35:33 Speaker 02 Right.
35:34 Speaker 01 Uh, I think that everyone who votes for him is, has been fed a little bit of a lie. And then some people believe it to varying degrees. I don't think they're all racist. I think that they all got got a little bit. And they got got because of their frustration. And because of their kind of feelings of alienation within the system. They also got got because America is a place where you kind of vote both with your heart and with your wallet really fast. And people kind of go, I don't, uh, this. So I don't think they're evil. I don't think all of them are evil. I think some people behind the scenes orchestrating stuff are actively evil. But I don't think they're all evil. I think just some of them, they got got.
36:18 Speaker 02 Yeah. That's what I say is my ire, my anger, I'm not, I'm actually not mad at Trump voters. I'm really not. I was the first time.
36:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:25 Speaker 02 When I was younger and, and when I, when I think I had less of an understanding of the moment we were in. Not mad at them anymore. I'm mad at the people that are orchestrating it.
36:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:33 Speaker 02 I'm mad at the operatives. I'm mad at Trump himself. I'm mad at his, his fucking, uh, cadre of like dumbass evil losers. He's gonna put in his cabinet.
36:42 Speaker 01 Caleb is mad. He's so damn funny.
36:44 Speaker 02 Yeah. I'm actually happy with that. I mean, at least if we have to do the end of democracy, we should do it with a guy who cracks me up. But I'm not mad at the voters.
36:52 Speaker 01 I can get like, I'm like of, I'm of two minds. I kind of waffle between being mad at some people and feeling bad for some people and being surprised, just simply surprised at some people. And then there are some people where I go, oh my gosh, oh, you're too stupid to vote anyway. Like every now and then I go, wait a second, if you are online and you'll see these people who will get online and they'll say, wait a second, I didn't know this. And I go, baby, we all knew that.
37:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:27 Speaker 01 Like, ah, I don't know if you need to tell people you didn't know. What you need to do is go, I'm not telling anyone. But a lot of people were very vocal about being surprised that he couldn't necessarily pull the levers on so many things. They're like, like over the past month, we've seen people be like, well, but I thought he could, girl.
37:46 Speaker 02 Well, that's like he, he gave that statement like a week or two ago that was like, well, we'll see what happens with grocery prices. Basically, basically.
37:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:52 Speaker 02 And it's like, right.
37:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:54 Speaker 02 He wasn't gonna be able to do that. Yeah.
37:56 Speaker 01 And they went, but he said, I was like, oh.
37:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:00 Speaker 01 What, what, what TV shows do you watch?
38:03 Speaker 02 Me?
38:03 Speaker 01 No, no, those people.
38:05 Speaker 02 I was, I was, I was like, okay, Jay.
38:08 Speaker 01 With those people, I'm always like, what, what TV shows do you watch? And they go, I love Yellowstone. I go, ah, okay. You think one person can do everything like Taylor Sheridan?
38:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:17 Speaker 01 That's not how this works.
38:18 Speaker 02 Yeah. Here's what I think. I think there are, I think there are dumb people on both sides.
38:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:24 Speaker 02 Not probably in quite equal measure, but in enough that it's, it's.
38:27 Speaker 01 Let, I know a lot of dumb people center left and left.
38:31 Speaker 02 So do I. That's what I'm saying. There are dumb people on both sides. Plenty of dumb people were ill-informed and, and voted for Kamala.
38:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:36 Speaker 02 And that, but what I do think is there is a malicious. Kind of hatefulness on the right right now that is not matched on the left. Now, that's not to say there's not disdain for the other side that's matched. But the thing after the Trump election of all these people who voted for him, like, being excited to see people cry.
38:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:54 Speaker 02 And like being in the comments and being like, your body, my choice, like that shit.
38:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
38:58 Speaker 02 Is disproportionately happening on the other side at the moment. I think I could win.
39:02 Speaker 01 Win, win presidency?
39:03 Speaker 02 I could win Trump voters over.
39:05 Speaker 01 Oh, you have.
39:06 Speaker 02 I'm gonna get them.
39:06 Speaker 01 You have, but you have.
39:07 Speaker 02 I'm gonna get them.
39:08 Speaker 01 You have Trump, you have fans that voted for Trump.
39:10 Speaker 02 Come here, no.
39:11 Speaker 01 You do.
39:12 Speaker 02 You're right.
39:12 Speaker 01 You do.
39:13 Speaker 02 I do have Republican fans.
39:15 Speaker 01 I do.
39:15 Speaker 02 I don't like it.
39:16 Speaker 01 I, if you do, I, I have people, I literally will have people. I made fun of RFK Junior's voice.
39:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:23 Speaker 01 In a, a reel one time. And someone was like, I'm really disappointed. I was like, oh, have you not seen any of my stuff?
39:30 Speaker 02 Well, do you think that that was a person who was gonna vote for him or someone? Cause I've gotten in trouble when I make fun of his voice, which is objectively funny.
39:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, it sounds like he's on a roller coaster underwater.
39:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. But I've gotten in trouble when I've said things like that for, uh, ableism.
39:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:43 Speaker 02 Do you think it's that angle that people are mad about or were they supporters of his?
39:46 Speaker 01 I don't know.
39:51 Speaker 02 It's tricky. I, you know, sometimes when I get a comment, I, I'm like, maybe I'll hear it out for a second.
39:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean.
39:58 Speaker 02 Do you ever do that? Do you ever get a criticism and go? Generally, I try to think of praise and criticism from strangers as equally and wholesale useless.
40:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think that criticism for a joke can be helpful because you can make another joke about that criticism.
40:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:18 Speaker 01 Or you can also take that criticism and craft a better joke. Sometimes praise is just like, okay, if you like it so much, buy a ticket. But with criticism, I'm always like, okay, let, really let me see, like truly let me see if I was coming at this from an angle that could have turned off some people or that could have hurt some feelings.
40:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:37 Speaker 01 And I say that as a person who is very intentional with what I put out, intentional with what I write, intentional with what I say. So if someone was like, oh, this came off, came off a little misogynistic, I'm always gonna be like. Let me see why these hoes mad.
40:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
40:54 Speaker 01 But, you know, I think that hoes is gender neutral. I think.
40:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:58 Speaker 01 I think comedy criticism right now, I'm open to all of it. And that's primarily, and you've said this before, that's primarily because I'm such a critic. One time, we were, this was at barbecue. Caleb heard me, I had an offhand comment about standup and you went, we know you have opinions about it.
41:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, you're a hater.
41:16 Speaker 01 I'm a hater.
41:16 Speaker 02 You are a hater.
41:17 Speaker 01 Well, I'm just. I'm just a person who goes, oh, that's, when I like something that's good, when I see something that's funny and that's good, I go, oh, that's great. When I see something that is so bad and just so kind of like, not even well tried territory, just at the point where I go, there's nothing there, baby. There's nothing left. This is bad. This is old. When I see people still living in twenty, like fifteen, twenty fourteen, when it comes to like jokes and shit, I'm always like, what? When I see a bunch of fifty year old men be like, I didn't know trans people were a thing. I'm like, yes, you did, nigga. Pull out your phone.
41:54 Speaker 02 Of course you did. You're sleeping with them.
41:56 Speaker 01 What?
41:57 Speaker 02 And let's tell, and let's tell the big comedian doing trans stuff that we know that, baby.
42:01 Speaker 01 Wake it up.
42:02 Speaker 02 We know that you're sleeping with trans women.
42:03 Speaker 01 You're putting the her in chaser.
42:09 Speaker 02 We know it. You know what I think is funny, though? Comics who, I think a lot of times comics who, when there's, to me, there's that kind of, if you really boil it down, when it comes to craft, there's like two types of comedians.
42:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:21 Speaker 02 There's like the vibes based fucking around, maybe you tell some stories. I tend to fall more in that camp. And then there's really hard jokes, set up punchline, and you're definitely in that camp. You're fucking every, that's like.
42:34 Speaker 01 I'm Republican, you're right.
42:35 Speaker 02 Stand up, be stand up, be stand up. And I have never, ever minded when someone criticizes, criticizes any lane that I'm in comedically, as another comedian, if it's someone I respect. Because, I'm not taking it personal because, number one, I assume that they like me because they're my friend. And number two, I don't give a fuck because I know I'm good at what I do.
42:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:54 Speaker 02 More people need that confidence.
42:55 Speaker 01 And when you're good at what you do, a lot of. Sometimes your stamp of approval is the audience laughing at the right time, when you knew they were gonna laugh, to varying degrees. The stamp of approval isn't comments saying, oh, this is good or this is bad.
43:11 Speaker 02 Right.
43:11 Speaker 01 It's in, it's in real time, in the room, people who understand it. What's scary about some of these people who kind of have these like regressive views, is that they also get that positive feedback from people who might be aligned with those evil views. And then sometimes you just have to be like, if you get a person like Caleb in front of those people, they're gonna be like, oh, I'm also enjoying this. Let me quest, oh, wait a second.
43:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:33 Speaker 01 I'm also enjoying this. So maybe, maybe I don't need to be as hard on trans people, on gay people. That's like, that's, that's the big thing for me is if you expose some of these people to comedians who are just as good and aren't even like preachy, they're just good. They'd be like, okay, you know what? I don't have to laugh at some of these very old and once again backwards views on gender identity and expression.
44:01 Speaker 02 But that's also, here's the difference. I have made many Republicans laugh. I have made many straight guys laugh.
44:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:08 Speaker 02 I have, I will, if you, if you put me in a room of Jim Brewer fans.
44:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:12 Speaker 02 They might not like me as a person, but I guarantee, you give me 15 minutes, they will leave having laughed. If you put him in my audience, absolutely not.
44:20 Speaker 01 And I also have to say, if you're performing for Jim Brewer fans, Caleb, that's a lot of 60-year-olds.
44:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'll get them.
44:27 Speaker 01 That, that.
44:28 Speaker 02 I know, I'll get them.
44:28 Speaker 01 That's, it's also a little bit of an age thing, cuz they come to shows. And we're doing, I mean, like, I think a lot of younger people are starting to come to more shows, but older people love coming to shows. Older people love buying tickets early.
44:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:41 Speaker 01 Young people kind of like, mm, I'll figure it out.
44:43 Speaker 02 They wait until the last minute and then DM you and be like, oh, my god, King.
44:46 Speaker 01 Or.
44:47 Speaker 02 Are you, what are you gonna do about this? I'm like, nothing. What, what you're gonna do is next time, turn on notifications.
44:51 Speaker 01 My favorite part is when the people go, I just missed you. When are you coming back? You go, next year.
44:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:57 Speaker 01 I don't think.
44:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, what do you think this is?
44:59 Speaker 01 The way the contract is set up, I can't come back in that city and perform my hour for another nine months. People don't know this.
45:05 Speaker 02 Radius.
45:06 Speaker 01 People actually don't know this.
45:07 Speaker 02 Radius Cause.
45:08 Speaker 01 You can't do it. I, you, we can't.
45:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:11 Speaker 01 Like, we do that day and our teams say, the reason that there's gonna be demand for this is because that person's not gonna be back here for another nine months, minimum.
45:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
45:22 Speaker 01 So it's never us not wanting to do the show again. We just legally can't.
45:26 Speaker 02 I also can't have, I can't have, like, if I wanna have a musician, like, on the benefit show.
45:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:30 Speaker 02 If I wanna have a musician friend come and play.
45:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:32 Speaker 02 And they've played Kansas City recently.
45:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:34 Speaker 02 I have to go get approval from that venue that they did and their team, like.
45:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:37 Speaker 02 We can't just show up whenever we want, technically.
45:40 Speaker 01 I mean, but once again, y'all could show up because based on some of our target demos, y'all ain't doing nothing.
45:48 Speaker 02 Come out.
45:49 Speaker 01 Come outside.
45:50 Speaker 02 Come out. You've done it before.
45:51 Speaker 01 Heck.
45:52 Speaker 02 You did it in high school, on Tumblr.
45:54 Speaker 01 Twice.
45:55 Speaker 02 Now come out to the show.
46:00 Speaker 02 Come on. What's it gonna hurt?
46:02 Speaker 01 Huh, I, I do, I love gay fans. I love, I love young fans. I like old fans. I like, I like this couple. I like the girl who brings her guy and the guy, you get this a lot.
46:16 Speaker 02 Oh, baby.
46:16 Speaker 01 Cause I get it.
46:17 Speaker 02 This is our bread and butter.
46:17 Speaker 01 And the guy goes, "I was worried at first."
46:20 Speaker 02 I didn't know. She made me come.
46:23 Speaker 01 Ay, I was worried at first. I was worried at first. And you know, you know what they do afterwards? They go, "But you know what?"
46:36 Speaker 02 Hey, if I see a girl and her boyfriend after a show, guaranteed about 15 feet out, he's gonna approach me with this. He's gonna pull up.
46:46 Speaker 01 Ay, big dog. Ay, ay.
46:47 Speaker 02 He's coming at me like this. I don't know if I'm getting slapped or if I'm getting.
46:50 Speaker 01 Also, also, the straight men that go to Caleb's shows and that come to my shows, they, they still try to let you know cause they'll hit me with the, and we probably get the same pseudonym. They'll be like, "Ay, big dog."
47:05 Speaker 01 Ay, ay, dog.
47:06 Speaker 02 Big dog, brother.
47:07 Speaker 01 Ay. Man.
47:08 Speaker 02 Pimp if I'm lucky.
47:09 Speaker 01 They go, and you'll say one of your jokes, you'll like have a joke and it'll be funny. Everyone will laugh. Straight men, this is what straight men say that really gets me. If you get a straight man on a good gay joke, they go.
47:22 Speaker 01 Ay, yo. Yo, man, chill out, chill out. You do, you'll, they'll laugh at the dick sucking joke and be like, wait a minute, oh no.
47:32 Speaker 02 Jay.
47:33 Speaker 01 No.
47:34 Speaker 02 I had a-
47:35 Speaker 01 I can't.
47:36 Speaker 02 My, my, the guy who drove me to the airport after the benefit show in Kansas City, I was leaving like a week or two later. He's like a mid 50s, like an older straight black guy. And he had come to the benefit show, cause the, he's involved in the union.
47:48 Speaker 01 Wait a second.
47:49 Speaker 02 He, what's that?
47:50 Speaker 01 The, I, he might have been on speakerphone with the woman who drove me to the airport.
47:55 Speaker 02 Really?
47:56 Speaker 01 Cause he was like, y'all did y'all's thing.
47:57 Speaker 02 Yeah. He told me, cause he, I did that like, uh, it's not really quite a joke yet, but I told that story about the blowjob I got in France.
48:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, the French, the French-
48:06 Speaker 02 The long French blowjob that I got. And he was like, he was, he was driving me and he, this, that exact thing you're talking about, where he was like, he was like, "I didn't know when you started a story about getting your dick sucked by a guy, but I gotta say, you're gonna be very successful." You're gonna be very suc- cause you got me. You got me and all my friends. And I was like, Kennedy Center Honors, dude, I'm on top of the world right now.
48:27 Speaker 01 There's no better feeling as a queer comedian, and this, listen, we are not pandering for straight views. The majority of my fans are queer and queer adjacent, and by that, once again, I do me barista.
48:39 Speaker 02 Come on.
48:39 Speaker 01 So, I think whenever you get an older straight person to be like, "That was funny." You always, you almost wanna be like, "Yes, a lot of this is gonna be funny. You don't have to be worried, I got you. I'm not gonna go up there and alienate you, I want you to also have a good time."
48:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
48:56 Speaker 01 And they get, I think there's a beauty and a kinda community in that, but it's just afterwards, it's always so funny to see them go. Oh my god.
49:06 Speaker 02 Oh, what did I enjoy?
49:07 Speaker 01 Wait a second.
49:08 Speaker 02 What does it say about me?
49:09 Speaker 01 I gotta call my gay cousin.
49:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
49:13 Speaker 01 I was wrong.
49:14 Speaker 02 I'm breaking no contact. I'm calling my gay cousin. You know, there's a paranoia that I don't relate to in life that like, some leftist people, some right wing have it, but like just a paranoia of like how you're being perceived and I'm just like, enjoy what you enjoy.
49:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:30 Speaker 02 Give it a chance. Open yourself up, relax a little bit. Life is hard. Why are people so paranoid?
49:35 Speaker 01 I think it's because being an outsider is so scary. Losing any sort of communal insulation is one of the scariest things in the world because if your idea of yourself doesn't align with your friend group and like you push it down as long as you can, the minute you go, oh, this is actually who I am. If you lose all of that support, unless you have like a long-term relationship that's romantic, you kind of are, you go through life alone. You go, I can't hang out with my friends. I can't text my friends. So like that's why whenever people, whenever people come out, and this is specifically for a lot of people who end up like figuring out gender identity and expression and stuff, they go, I'm actually, I'm not scared to like,
50:19 Speaker 01 I'm not scared to wear different clothes. I'm not scared to use different pronouns. What they're scared of is losing friends. And like I think sometimes a microcosm of that is straight men not knowing that they can enjoy comedy that isn't already this straight male dominated comedy. Cause I'll see it and they'll be like, oh, this is who I usually like. And I'll be like, you're gonna like all these other people.
50:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
50:39 Speaker 01 And these people are funny without having to take their shirt off all the time, which you know, it's just like one of those things.
50:44 Speaker 02 Don't, please don't get me started.
50:46 Speaker 01 I'm not a, listen, I'm nice. I'm nice. I'm not a petty bitch.
50:49 Speaker 02 You're not, you're not petty. I have a question for you, Jay.
50:52 Speaker 01 Yes.
50:53 Speaker 02 Jay Jurden, what's so true to you?
50:54 Speaker 01 What's so true to me? Okay. I've been thinking about this.
50:58 Speaker 02 Good.
50:58 Speaker 01 For a long time.
50:59 Speaker 02 Thank you.
51:00 Speaker 01 You know what's true to me? Rank and Bass Christmas Stop Motion Specials.
51:06 Speaker 02 Let's go.
51:08 Speaker 01 Santa Claus is coming to town. A year without a Santa Claus. Okay, I'm gonna hit you with this one. Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. People don't know about that one. People know about Rudolph, Jack Frost, Nestor the Long Eared Donkey, Little Drummer Boy. Oh my, these change lives.
51:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, tell them.
51:24 Speaker 01 And people are scared.
51:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:26 Speaker 01 I was scared.
51:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:27 Speaker 01 Cause I watched them when I was younger and they're kind of scary.
51:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, especially the Heat Miser.
51:31 Speaker 01 The Heat, oh my God.
51:33 Speaker 02 Scary, iconic bitch.
51:34 Speaker 01 Uh, listen, I think that we need to keep these, they need to keep going.
51:40 Speaker 02 Yes.
51:40 Speaker 01 I'm so scared that we're gonna lose them.
51:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:43 Speaker 01 Save them, digitize them, please.
51:46 Speaker 02 Save them.
51:46 Speaker 01 I tried to watch one yesterday and I found out I had to download Pluto, the Pluto app.
51:53 Speaker 02 Life gets dark when you see Pluto into the conversation. You're trying to watch something and Pluto comes through, that's when shit gets bleak.
51:59 Speaker 01 Pluto?
52:00 Speaker 02 No offense to Pluto, I'm sure they'll be the biggest thing in like two years.
52:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm, Pluto?
52:06 Speaker 02 We're all gonna be trying to sell specials to Pluto in two years. My love to the team at Pluto.
52:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're not even a planet no more and you doing...
52:13 Speaker 02 And you're doing the Rankin.
52:14 Speaker 01 You're doing... No, but those things are so true to me because they exist, they make me happy about Christmas. We're recording this around Christmas.
52:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:23 Speaker 01 They make me happy about Christmas. You know what else is so true to me?
52:27 Speaker 02 Say it.
52:28 Speaker 01 Bisexuality.
52:29 Speaker 02 Yes, I've been saying.
52:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, roll it back.
52:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:34 Speaker 01 Bisexuality, it is the natural state of things. I think that what happens is everyone, like Caleb isn't out bisexual. I want you...
52:44 Speaker 02 You know what? Don't, don't make me be earnest about bisexual, because hey, here's the thing. You want me to be completely honest?
52:50 Speaker 01 No, we aren't.
52:51 Speaker 02 Might be a couple.
52:52 Speaker 01 Oh!
52:54 Speaker 02 Might be a couple of girls out there.
52:55 Speaker 01 Listen, he's not got a spotless record.
52:58 Speaker 02 I do not, I'm not going to start.
52:59 Speaker 01 But you're like the, you're like the Chiefs, you're like 12 and 1.
53:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and barely surviving, and barely surviving.
53:11 Speaker 02 So stupid.
53:12 Speaker 01 Ah, I love hanging out with you.
53:14 Speaker 02 I love hanging out with you.
53:15 Speaker 01 You're very funny.
53:16 Speaker 02 Stop!
53:16 Speaker 01 No, you're very funny, you got, you're very funny, so handsome, so well dressed, great taste in music.
53:23 Speaker 02 Thank you.
53:23 Speaker 01 Great taste in music.
53:24 Speaker 02 Stop. That's true, by the way.
53:26 Speaker 01 I, I believe you. You put me on a couple of people.
53:29 Speaker 02 I'll put you on to some more too. I'm not playing around.
53:31 Speaker 01 Well, you know what it is, when Caleb drives you, if you go, "Oh, I'm not..." You don't turn.
53:36 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're not touching that. Yeah, hey, yeah, touching the aux cord in my car, there won't be any need for that, my friend. Put on that seatbelt.
53:45 Speaker 01 He's also extremely humble. I want y'all to know Caleb has a car situation right now that whenever he turns on his car, what's the song that comes on?
53:54 Speaker 02 Oh god, my old ass car. "A-Team" by Ed Sheeran plays every time I turn the car on.
54:00 Speaker 01 He plugs his phone and it instantly starts.
54:03 Speaker 02 And I have to plug it in with like a converter to the like, I have an old...
54:08 Speaker 01 So all those people who like Caleb Chang, he's got a bunch of money. No.
54:12 Speaker 02 Not, not in Kansas City. Kansas City, I'm in my old ass car, was in A-team.
54:17 Speaker 01 So funny, he was like, just so you know, every time I turn the car on.
54:23 Speaker 01 Whenever you get in someone's car and they start giving disclaimers, that's a real bitch. I had a car at one point, I was like, okay, I gotta get in first and they open the passenger door for you. Just so you, it sticks a little bit, just, just so you know. And listen, I got a husband with that car. I have sold the car, but I gotta, my husband had the way I saw it. I kept the husband. Yeah.
54:45 Speaker 02 Sold the car, kept the husband.
54:48 Speaker 01 The husband, also, he is, he's so sweet. If you wanna get married, I'm gonna give some people relationship advice right now, if you don't mind.
54:57 Speaker 02 I was about to ask, I'm serious, I'm locked in right now.
55:00 Speaker 01 If you wanna find a man, here's what you need, and this is, this is actually good advice for you. You need a southern gay.
55:07 Speaker 02 Right.
55:08 Speaker 01 A southern gay. Y'all looking for gays in Los Angeles? Heaven forbid.
55:13 Speaker 02 Right.
55:14 Speaker 01 You, they been gay too long.
55:17 Speaker 02 People who grew up in war zones haven't gone through what I went through dating in LA. I'll tell you that. I'll tell you that. I don't care how many days you've gone without a meal, you haven't been through what I've been through dating gay men in LA.
55:28 Speaker 01 Can we set up a GoFundMe for Caleb's LA dating budget?
55:35 Speaker 02 Dick fund me, I need a man, I've got money.
55:39 Speaker 02 Don't send me money, send me a man, God, if you can hear me. I've got money, send me a man, please, God.
55:45 Speaker 01 That's a progressive church, altar call, uh, Brother Caleb is single.
55:51 Speaker 02 His bills are paid.
55:53 Speaker 01 Brother Caleb is single. We've been praying, the church elders have been praying. They said, we need you to find one of them.
56:00 Speaker 02 Send him a man.
56:01 Speaker 01 Send him a man, Lord.
56:02 Speaker 02 Send him a man, please.
56:04 Speaker 01 He doesn't have to be smart.
56:06 Speaker 02 Do you know what I did the other night? I had this guy over. We had great, we had great time. I played him some music, as I'm wont to do.
56:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
56:12 Speaker 02 We smoked some weed.
56:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:13 Speaker 02 We had some, some sex. Little bit of fun. I sent him home with a book.
56:17 Speaker 01 Woo!
56:19 Speaker 02 There's something changing in me.
56:20 Speaker 01 Send him home with a book?
56:21 Speaker 02 I'm becoming, I'm becoming a stately older gay.
56:23 Speaker 01 Hey, hey, hey.
56:24 Speaker 02 He was younger than me. I said, "Have you read this book?" He said, "No." I said, "Take it with you."
56:27 Speaker 01 Hey, before you, and, and before you come back, and before you come back, there will be a quiz.
56:32 Speaker 02 Kind of. I'm a little like, next time I see you, I want at least three chapters down. I wanna see where you're at. That's kinda what's going on with me.
56:39 Speaker 01 Was he so young, you were just like, "Also, let me just see if you can read."
56:42 Speaker 02 He was at the, no. He can read. He was at the bottom of my age range, though, I will say that.
56:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
56:48 Speaker 02 I will say that, yeah.
56:49 Speaker 01 Yeah. Or, what's the top of your age range? Cause when, cause once again, as a person who studies.
56:53 Speaker 02 Thirty-eight.
56:54 Speaker 01 Well, cause you have the joke where you goes, "I won't, you, I wanna set you up with my friends."
56:58 Speaker 02 People got mad about that one. People got mad about that one.
57:03 Speaker 02 Let me tell you something, by the way. Every time I talk about having standards for myself, and dating, people are in the comments going, "Beggars can't be choosers." Honey, I have never begged for anything in my life, except for seconds at dinner. You better talk to someone else.
57:16 Speaker 01 I have begged for y'all to stop. Even if you say, "Actually, I've begged, hey, for my orderly life."
57:23 Speaker 02 Beggars and choosers, I will fuck your dad. What are you, beggars and choosers?
57:27 Speaker 01 He has fucked your dad.
57:28 Speaker 02 I will.
57:29 Speaker 01 The person who typed that, he has made your dad suck his, just so you know.
57:33 Speaker 02 Beggars can't be choosers. I can't believe it.
57:35 Speaker 01 Beggars?
57:36 Speaker 02 Beggars?
57:37 Speaker 01 Beggars?
57:38 Speaker 02 I'm really like, y'all think so little of fat people, it's crazy.
57:41 Speaker 01 Uh, don't they understand, this, this is gonna sound, ass, good asses are mostly fat. That, I, I.
57:48 Speaker 02 Come on!
57:49 Speaker 01 We have to.
57:50 Speaker 02 A nice fat ass, a nice pair of tits.
57:52 Speaker 01 Listen, there, yo.
57:54 Speaker 02 It's all fat. Y'all love fat.
57:57 Speaker 01 And, the people who be saying that, look at your grandma.
58:00 Speaker 02 By the way, cause she's big. She's, and it's not big boned either. She's big, around the arms and the stomach.
58:08 Speaker 01 Look at your, look at your grandma, and guess what, guess what, guess what, she was rocking your granddaddy's world.
58:14 Speaker 02 Don't, don't, don't talk to me about beggars and choosers when your grandma uses the persons of size policy on Southwest Airlines. That extra seat is awfully loud in this conversation.
58:27 Speaker 02 When she's got old lady who makes good macaroni and cheese arms. Where the top hangs over the bottom. Stop it. Stop it now.
58:36 Speaker 01 You got a big grandma. She got a brassiere.
58:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, not a bra, a brassiere.
58:41 Speaker 01 Full size.
58:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, when your aunt is well-known at Lane Bryant. And you're talking to me about beggars and choosers. Cut it out. Cut it out.
58:53 Speaker 02 Stop now.
58:57 Speaker 01 You got a big auntie, you got a big uncle, you got big cousins, and you saying-
59:02 Speaker 02 And a small bank account. And you're talking to me. That is what cracks me up. They're worried about the numbers I see when I get on the scale. No savings, no income, no bitches, probably very few friends. We're looking at the wrong numbers, brother.
59:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, baby. You need to fatten up your pockets.
59:20 Speaker 02 Fatten up. You need to grow your social circle. Your number of bitches. Currently zero, I'm guessing.
59:28 Speaker 01 Mine, sixteen.
59:31 Speaker 02 Sixteen bitches at any given moment. Sixteen-
59:37 Speaker 01 That's what, cuz that, cuz the thing is, people are gonna call people fat no matter what. You remember, there was a point in time where people called Megan Thee Stallion fat.
59:46 Speaker 02 Which is crazy.
59:47 Speaker 01 They were calling Megan Thee Stallion fat.
59:49 Speaker 02 Which is crazy.
59:50 Speaker 01 Do you understand Megan Thee Stallion's proportions? My granddaddy's already dead. If he saw a picture of Megan Thee Stallion from Instagram, it would kill him again.
59:59 Speaker 02 He would have spontaneously combusted.
1:00:01 Speaker 01 He would go-
1:00:04 Speaker 01 I go, "Granddaddy, you all right?"
1:00:07 Speaker 02 That's because-
1:00:08 Speaker 01 Damn.
1:00:08 Speaker 02 A lot of these people are unsouthern, they don't know.
1:00:11 Speaker 01 Um, well, cuz in the south, in the south, like, there's a culture of abundance.
1:00:18 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:00:18 Speaker 01 There's a food culture. And there's also like, in the south, because they're so polite, if you get skinny fast, they don't go, "Oh my gosh, you got so skinny." They go, "You sick."
1:00:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, something's wrong.
1:00:26 Speaker 01 You sick.
1:00:27 Speaker 02 Hey, that's not good.
1:00:28 Speaker 01 You got that shit.
1:00:28 Speaker 02 Hold on, that shit.
1:00:30 Speaker 01 You on that shit. You either on that shit, or you got that shit.
1:00:34 Speaker 01 He's back on that shit.
1:00:36 Speaker 02 By the way.
1:00:37 Speaker 01 He's back on that shit. Hey, how's your copper? He's back on that shit.
1:00:40 Speaker 02 I'm not even trying, I can't get started in that right now. I can't get started in stealing, in stealing, yeah. Lock that catalytic converter up, quickly. Cuz your cousin's coming to town and he's back on that shit.
1:00:54 Speaker 02 He knows where you live, he knows what you drive, and he's using again.
1:00:58 Speaker 01 I was gonna say, you are from Kansas.
1:00:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm from rural Missouri.
1:01:03 Speaker 01 You're from, that's Missouri.
1:01:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, if someone died in that house, you better get the appliances out of there quickly. Cause the neighbor's grandson uses and he knows that the place is empty. I don't know what to tell you.
1:01:14 Speaker 01 Jeremy, get the fuck out of here.
1:01:20 Speaker 02 But that's not funny, is it?
1:01:21 Speaker 01 That's not funny.
1:01:21 Speaker 02 That's not funny.
1:01:22 Speaker 01 That's not funny. Addiction is real.
1:01:24 Speaker 02 I'm not trying to beat the fat allegations. That's all out in the open. I'm obviously fat. I'm trying to beat the virgin.
1:01:30 Speaker 01 Whatever you were, whatever you like, y'all keep calling me fat.
1:01:32 Speaker 02 Hey, hold on.
1:01:34 Speaker 01 There is a level, okay, no, but there is a level of where, there are some people I know where people go, "You keep calling me fat, come to Mississippi. Let me actually show you."
1:01:42 Speaker 02 Oh my god, I know. Well, you know what happened to me once?
1:01:45 Speaker 01 What?
1:01:45 Speaker 02 I was with a fat friend. Big individual.
1:01:48 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:01:49 Speaker 02 Okay. Now, I said something about, like, I was like, oh, you know, both of us fat asses.
1:01:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:55 Speaker 02 Tears. Tears. They didn't know that they were, uh, they didn't know that we were siblings in that way. They were like, I'm sorry, I just like, the fact that you called me like a fat ass, like, I just was not, I was like, well, I thought you knew.
1:02:09 Speaker 01 You went, "Girl, you got somewhere here."
1:02:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, I thought you knew. You're big as hell.
1:02:14 Speaker 01 No, that was you to your friend.
1:02:15 Speaker 02 I was like, "Girl, you didn't know?" I couldn't believe it. I was, I'm shocked to this day. Tears?
1:02:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, you gave me your blizzard to cry.
1:02:25 Speaker 02 You've never walked past a window that was shiny?
1:02:30 Speaker 02 And/or a mirror? I was like, "You're big." I didn't mean it as a bad thing. I'm also obviously right there with you, but...
1:02:37 Speaker 01 Well, I think that sometimes, at least currently, there is a, there's a softening of some language. Where if you say something that kind of directs people, it's, to me, that's also like part of the symptom where if you, if someone says, "Oh Caleb, do you wanna do this thing?" You go, "I don't wanna do that, so I'm not gonna do that." They go,
1:02:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:57 Speaker 01 "Can I talk to you for a second?"
1:02:57 Speaker 02 That is how I act, by the way.
1:02:59 Speaker 01 You, um, you said you didn't wanna go to that thing. Pretty quick. You didn't even check to see if you were busy.
1:03:05 Speaker 02 Yeah. It didn't matter if I was busy. I don't wanna go.
1:03:08 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
1:03:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:03:11 Speaker 02 I guess, yeah, I guess maybe it's a sensitivity to the directness of it all.
1:03:14 Speaker 01 I, I mean, but, direct is funny. Direct is also easy to like...
1:03:20 Speaker 01 So many people are, like, I'm, sometimes I'm conflict avoidant, if you can believe it.
1:03:25 Speaker 02 Really?
1:03:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
1:03:27 Speaker 02 I actually find that really surprising.
1:03:28 Speaker 01 Well, this is what, but this is what I say, because I'm so like, oh my gosh, I'm always like, well, let me check. Never check.
1:03:35 Speaker 02 Really?
1:03:36 Speaker 01 Well, cause, well, as you know, as a comedian, people ask you to do a lot of stuff.
1:03:40 Speaker 02 Right.
1:03:41 Speaker 01 You gonna get a let me check from me.
1:03:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:03:44 Speaker 01 I'm not gonna check a lot of those times.
1:03:45 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:03:46 Speaker 01 I'mma wait for it to lapse.
1:03:48 Speaker 02 I've started telling the truth, which is, I was, especially with shows.
1:03:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:03:51 Speaker 02 Someone says, can you do my show on November 12th or whatever? And I say, hey, I'm not sure I'm gonna wanna do that. Can you check back with me a little bit closer too? Cause I don't wanna lie to you, cause I like you.
1:04:01 Speaker 01 Woo!
1:04:02 Speaker 02 But the truth is, I might not wanna do a show that night, and I, I started getting in trouble for cancelling.
1:04:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:07 Speaker 02 People hate when I cancel.
1:04:08 Speaker 01 That, that-
1:04:08 Speaker 02 Thing about me is, I'm gonna do what I wanna do.
1:04:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:10 Speaker 02 So let's just maybe exist in that space together. And then no one's feeling, it's have to get hurt! But some people do not like that. Some people would rather I lie, and I'm like, why would I lie to you? I like you.
1:04:19 Speaker 01 I, I have seen certain people cancel too much. This is when, this is when people get mad.
1:04:25 Speaker 02 Oh, I'm one of them.
1:04:26 Speaker 01 People, no, it's not you.
1:04:28 Speaker 02 Jay, I promise you I'm one of them.
1:04:29 Speaker 01 I know it's not you, because I'm talking about people cancelling their shows. I'm not talking about-
1:04:34 Speaker 02 Oh, I wouldn't do that.
1:04:35 Speaker 01 You cancelling a spot-
1:04:36 Speaker 02 I'll upset someone else's fans, not mine.
1:04:40 Speaker 02 That's your fans' problem.
1:04:41 Speaker 01 I, I know-
1:04:41 Speaker 02 My fans will eat.
1:04:42 Speaker 01 I know two instances where like, when you start to cancel shows a lot, people, they start commenting.
1:04:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:04:48 Speaker 01 They start saying, oh, is this one actually gonna happen?
1:04:51 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what, about, about two years ago, when things really started changing for me and like, ticket sales.
1:04:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:58 Speaker 02 People have started, now pretty much every show I do, I know at least four or five people are flying in.
1:05:02 Speaker 01 Ooh!
1:05:03 Speaker 02 From other places, cause I've, I've met them, and now I'm like, I won't cancel a show unless something is really wrong.
1:05:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
1:05:09 Speaker 02 Like, cause now I'm like, that's fucked up. People are getting flights and hotels.
1:05:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:12 Speaker 02 That's a different thing.
1:05:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:13 Speaker 02 And I wouldn't really do it beforehand, cause I do respect my fans so much, and the, the relationship of like, you spending your hard earned money to see me talk, is, that's psycho to me.
1:05:21 Speaker 01 I, Caleb.
1:05:21 Speaker 02 But man.
1:05:22 Speaker 01 Caleb, are you fucking these people who get hotels?
1:05:25 Speaker 02 I have, are you trying to ask him, will I fuck a fan?
1:05:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:27 Speaker 02 Absolutely.
1:05:28 Speaker 01 Okay, good, good, good.
1:05:29 Speaker 02 I've been very clear about that. Let me be clear, I fucked a couple of fans this week. I'm not kidding, I, a guy messaged me the other day, a guy messaged me the other day at 2pm and said, "I'm a fan, do you wanna drop?" I said, "Come on over." I brought him to my house. I'll fuck a fan.
1:05:43 Speaker 01 You said, "Wait a second, how big of a fan?"
1:05:45 Speaker 02 If you're cute, though, because here's the thing. I've said this, and now I've got some, all love, but I've got some ugly fans hitting me up. I'm not fucking you because you're a fan, that's not what gets me off. You still need, I wanna be attracted to you, but yeah, I've got some...
1:06:00 Speaker 02 Don't hit me up if you look like Quasimodo.
1:06:04 Speaker 02 I'm kidding, of course, there's some times that that's appropriate, but...
1:06:06 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:06:07 Speaker 02 I'm into all types, but I'll fuck a fan easy, no problem.
1:06:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:11 Speaker 02 No problem, would love to.
1:06:12 Speaker 01 That's, that's a privilege as a male comedian to joke about, cuz some, some female comedians, they have to be like, "Oh, I would never," and I wanna be like, "Girl, I guess you, you should."
1:06:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's a bad for them.
1:06:27 Speaker 01 We get to like, we get to, especially, also, we have the, we have the balance of like, being queer. Cuz like, if a straight male comedian's like, "Oh, I'll fuck fans," I'll be like, "Cancel him."
1:06:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:06:36 Speaker 01 But us, we get to be like,
1:06:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's different over here.
1:06:39 Speaker 01 Show it to me, let me see.
1:06:40 Speaker 02 Also, privilege is such, sometimes people, I know you're not doing this, but it's funny, sometimes people launch, they levy privilege at you, as if you should stop doing it, and I'm like, "Well, no, there's also the other meaning of privilege," which is like, "It is my privilege." I do enjoy getting to do this, yeah.
1:06:53 Speaker 01 Honestly, it's a privilege for you, too.
1:06:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, I, I posted recently about going on late night-
1:06:56 Speaker 01 You understand how much a meet and greet would cost?
1:06:58 Speaker 02 Right, and I don't do those, so there's-
1:07:00 Speaker 01 You kinda do, you spell a meat different, but-
1:07:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm doing a meet and greet of some sort.
1:07:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:07:04 Speaker 02 I posted recently about a late night walk, and how good it is for my, my brain and my creativity, and someone was like-
1:07:09 Speaker 01 Aw, man, you old, damn, you're weak and old.
1:07:11 Speaker 02 I know, I know.
1:07:12 Speaker 01 You giving books away?
1:07:13 Speaker 02 I'm giving books away.
1:07:14 Speaker 01 You going for strolls?
1:07:14 Speaker 02 I gave a book to a young man that I hooked up with.
1:07:16 Speaker 01 And then you went for a stroll?
1:07:18 Speaker 02 And then I went for a stroll, it cleared my head.
1:07:19 Speaker 01 A nighttime walk?
1:07:20 Speaker 02 Crazy, a night walk, and some woman commented and was like, "This is so privileged," and I'm like, "Yeah." Uh, yes, it is. It is a privilege and also I'm enjoying it and I'm gonna talk about it. I don't know what to tell you. You've got privileges, I've got privileges.
1:07:31 Speaker 01 She wanted you to be scared that you.
1:07:35 Speaker 02 Go ahead.
1:07:35 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
1:07:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:07:37 Speaker 01 Wow, what a privilege.
1:07:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, what a privilege take and it is.
1:07:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:07:40 Speaker 02 She's not wrong.
1:07:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean.
1:07:42 Speaker 02 But what does that mean? What am I gonna do with that?
1:07:43 Speaker 01 When that starts to happen, what I like to do is I like to imagine more scenarios. Like earlier in this conversation, I said, you know, I'm kicking my feet and someone's like, feet? Plural? How privileged?
1:07:55 Speaker 02 How privileged? And it is. And that's okay. It's a privilege, my treat, my pleasure.
1:07:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:08:00 Speaker 02 To have both my feet.
1:08:00 Speaker 01 I'm lucky.
1:08:01 Speaker 02 What a good time to be alive.
1:08:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:08:03 Speaker 02 If you're me and a guy who likes seven feet. And I do. Okay, uh, do you have the true or false questions for me?
1:08:09 Speaker 01 I know this trivia. So true.
1:08:11 Speaker 02 So true.
1:08:12 Speaker 01 You know who I saw the, the Chris, which one? Who was it? Chris Fleming?
1:08:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:08:18 Speaker 02 That, that evil individual. Okay, don't look up there because the answer's up there. You gotta stay focused on me. Jay Jerk.
1:08:23 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:08:23 Speaker 02 I'm gonna, I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if you think they're true or false.
1:08:28 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:08:28 Speaker 02 Okay?
1:08:29 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:08:29 Speaker 02 You know what happens?
1:08:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:08:30 Speaker 02 If you get 10 or more correct.
1:08:31 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:08:32 Speaker 02 I'm gonna give you 50 US dollars.
1:08:33 Speaker 01 50 dollars?
1:08:34 Speaker 02 Dollars.
1:08:35 Speaker 01 50 dollars?
1:08:36 Speaker 02 And you almost fucked that guy you were training for that in Chipotle gift cards, so who knows what I might get? All right. Eli Manning attended the University of Tennessee.
1:08:44 Speaker 01 False.
1:08:45 Speaker 02 False, Ole Miss.
1:08:46 Speaker 01 He attended Ole Miss. Peyton went to University of Tennessee.
1:08:49 Speaker 02 Damn. Mario Kart was originally a stage play before becoming a video game.
1:08:52 Speaker 01 No, but, false.
1:08:54 Speaker 02 False. There are zero remaining Kmart locations.
1:08:57 Speaker 01 False.
1:08:57 Speaker 02 False, there are five. Lake Superior has a larger landmass than the entire country of Scotland.
1:09:02 Speaker 01 This seems anti-shrek. False.
1:09:06 Speaker 02 True. You can hear a blue whale's heartbeat from over two miles away.
1:09:09 Speaker 01 But you're underwater. Why you being nosy?
1:09:12 Speaker 02 True. True. Dragonflies walk more than they fly.
1:09:15 Speaker 01 False.
1:09:15 Speaker 02 False, they can't walk. The King of Hearts is the only king card without a mustache.
1:09:18 Speaker 01 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1:09:19 Speaker 02 Privilege.
1:09:20 Speaker 01 Privilege.
1:09:21 Speaker 02 The King of Hearts is the only king card without a mustache.
1:09:24 Speaker 01 Ooh, he has a beard. So, false.
1:09:26 Speaker 02 True. In South Korea, a baby is considered one year old at birth.
1:09:32 Speaker 01 I don't do racial stuff, Caleb.
1:09:34 Speaker 02 Yes, you do.
1:09:34 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:09:35 Speaker 02 Too much, by the way. We're gonna talk off.
1:09:37 Speaker 01 Uh, true.
1:09:38 Speaker 02 True. Ride the Boat is the official state song of Mississippi.
1:09:41 Speaker 01 False.
1:09:42 Speaker 02 False, it's Go Mississippi. A duck can't walk without bobbing its head.
1:09:49 Speaker 01 True.
1:09:50 Speaker 02 That's true. Titanium can scratch a diamond.
1:09:52 Speaker 01 Ooh, false.
1:09:54 Speaker 02 False, only another diamond can. Glenn Gary Glenn Ross. That's why we get along. Two diamonds scratching each other. Glenn Gary Glenn Ross was written by Harold Pinter.
1:10:02 Speaker 01 Oh my god, Harold Pinter, it was written by David Mamet.
1:10:04 Speaker 02 Pinter, false, it was David Mamet. Walruses can go without sleep for eighty-four hours.
1:10:09 Speaker 01 Andy Reid stuff?
1:10:10 Speaker 02 No, you cannot help yourself. You're so incorrigible.
1:10:14 Speaker 01 False.
1:10:15 Speaker 02 That is true.
1:10:16 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:10:16 Speaker 02 The thumb has the fastest growing nail.
1:10:18 Speaker 01 The thumb has the fastest growing nail? This is true.
1:10:22 Speaker 02 False, it's the middle finger.
1:10:23 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:10:24 Speaker 02 The first phone booth was created in eighteen eighty-one.
1:10:28 Speaker 01 True.
1:10:29 Speaker 02 You sure?
1:10:29 Speaker 01 False.
1:10:30 Speaker 02 It was true.
1:10:32 Speaker 01 He hates bisexual people.
1:10:34 Speaker 02 Don't count that one. How do you do? Let's go!
1:10:38 Speaker 01 Give me my money!
1:10:39 Speaker 02 Give me my money!
1:10:41 Speaker 01 Eli Manning, Eli Manning, let me tell you something about Eli Manning.
1:10:44 Speaker 02 Say it now.
1:10:45 Speaker 01 Two Super Bowls.
1:10:46 Speaker 02 Right.
1:10:47 Speaker 01 He should have won zero. They're both flukes.
1:10:50 Speaker 02 Right.
1:10:51 Speaker 01 He beat the Patriots twice, which to me proves that if you're a dumb southerner, every now and then, you can whip a Yankee.
1:11:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:11:01 Speaker 01 Every now and then. People don't like it when I say Yankee because it makes them think that I was for the South in the Civil War, and I want to remind those people I wasn't alive. Also, black people, we kind of did have a vested interest in one side winning.
1:11:12 Speaker 02 Which side?
1:11:17 Speaker 01 No, but I like the fact that Eli beat the fucking Pats twice. Yeah, he went to Ole Miss. It was before I was there, I'm not that old. Um, yeah, we can talk about college football, we don't have to.
1:11:26 Speaker 02 Oh, we will.
1:11:27 Speaker 01 We could.
1:11:28 Speaker 02 At another time, though. Our time is up, Jay. We've kept you for long enough. Thank you so much.
1:11:31 Speaker 01 Oh my gosh.
1:11:32 Speaker 02 Thank you for being here.
1:11:33 Speaker 01 Thank you for being here.
1:11:34 Speaker 02 Thanks for doing it, we begged, we begged and begged to get you. We said, Jay, please come in.
1:11:37 Speaker 01 Yes, yes, yes.
1:11:38 Speaker 02 Is there anything you want to tell the people?
1:11:39 Speaker 01 I said, Caleb, I will only do this show if you recant your hateful, bi-phobic rhetoric.
1:11:46 Speaker 02 And I have, I'm done with it. It's in the past. No more joking about that, because it's not funny.
1:11:50 Speaker 01 Y'all haven't seen this. In between texts, he was eating some pussy.
1:11:54 Speaker 02 Jay, that stuff is private. Come on.
1:11:58 Speaker 01 Just like, like that baby with that rib.
1:12:02 Speaker 02 That sounds like an old southern saying. When he gets around good pussy, he's like a baby with a rib. Just non.
1:12:08 Speaker 01 You go, he don't know what to do with it, but he going.
1:12:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no skill, all passion. He's non.
1:12:17 Speaker 01 If you can eat ribs, you can eat pussy.
1:12:19 Speaker 02 Yes, I've been saying. Tell people where they can find you right now. Do it now.
1:12:24 Speaker 01 You can find me @JJorden, all one word, on all social media. I'm even on Blue Sky, even though y'all are fucking nerds.
1:12:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, god, Blue Sky. God, Blue Sky makes me so sad.
1:12:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, you know what it is? You need some tension to make stuff fun.
1:12:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:12:42 Speaker 01 Cause on Blue Sky, no one's like posting something and everyone's attacking them.
1:12:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:12:47 Speaker 01 On Twitter, every now and then someone's like, "Look at this Thanksgiving plate." And it's a thousand people going, "That looks like dog shit."
1:12:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:12:53 Speaker 01 On Blue Sky, everyone's like, "You tried."
1:12:55 Speaker 02 I don't post my plates.
1:12:56 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:12:57 Speaker 02 That's one thing about me. I don't post my plates.
1:12:59 Speaker 01 Cause you're not like-
1:13:00 Speaker 02 You're begging. Someone's gonna be mean to you. You're begging for it.
1:13:05 Speaker 01 It's, people don't know, it better be elite. Yeah, and they-
1:13:10 Speaker 02 And mine are!
1:13:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, and they are.
1:13:11 Speaker 02 But I'm not posting them.
1:13:13 Speaker 01 But you can't, unless like it, you're right, you're right, and-
1:13:17 Speaker 02 Do you know how many times I see a friend post a dinner they made for themselves in their Instagram stories with clear pride? And it looks so bad? And I'm like, "You, I can't believe you posted, I barely believe you ate it." But to post it? Oh goodness.
1:13:30 Speaker 01 You know what, I can believe it, cause I'll see their man, I'll be like, "Oh, okay, that's what you like."
1:13:33 Speaker 02 Right, I see what you're eating.
1:13:34 Speaker 01 You posted both of these.
1:13:36 Speaker 02 Jay, I love you, thank you for being here.
1:13:38 Speaker 01 So true, I love you.
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