Whitmer Thomas is Still Cool

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Whitmer Thomas! Whitmer and Caleb talk aging as a skateboarder, making music, a bike-focused party/film festival, Jack Nicholson’s opinions, and much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Whitmer! @whitmerthomas Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Go to https://skechers.com to shop all the Skechers Hands Free Slip-in Styles Thanks to MANSCAPED® for sponsoring today’s episode! Get The Lawn Mower® Ultra Gen 6 for 15% OFF + Free Shipping with code SOTRUE at https://Manscaped.com! So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Anna Weis. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:21Speaker 03

  Or if I feel sad or upset, I don't say anything about it. And then somebody be like, "Are you okay?" And I'll be like, "What would Jack Nicholson have to say about that?" Even though like I'm in that moment, I'm like devastated.

• 1:40Speaker 04

  How you doing?

• 1:41Speaker 03

  I'm doing okay.

• 1:42Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I took a NyQuil and smoked a weed CBD thing to go to sleep last night. And so I do feel kind of like fucked up.

• 1:52Speaker 04

  I thought you were gonna say before this, just to level out. Right before I walked in here, I took some NyQuil and smoked a CBD thing.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  I used to do it every time I got into an airplane. And then I was like, "Why do I feel depressed and awful all the time?" This is like 18 to 21.

• 2:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I didn't get into weed at all until I was like 27. And then maybe like a year into that, I started trying to do the edible on a plane thing. It happened to maybe three flights. And that first time that I was highway, I didn't like and trapped in the air. I said, "We won't be doing this anymore."

• 2:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  Because you can't do anything. You're just fucking sitting there like tweaking and it's like, "I don't want this."

• 2:27Speaker 03

  You're stuck and paranoid.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  I was just doing the NyQuil on the plane back then and I didn't smoke weed. I smoked weed the first time when I was maybe 25. And it wasn't smoked, it was like tincture oil, whatever that shit is. Have you ever seen that?

• 2:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  And I was, it was on my birthday and a girl that I had a crush on like squeezed it onto my tongue. And I didn't feel anything after one minute. And I was like, "I don't think it's working." And then she did it again and I was high for three days.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Three days.

• 2:59Speaker 04

  Whatever happened, and that's Nancy Pelosi.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 04

  That girl, that girl was Nancy Pelosi.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  Best sex of my life.

• 3:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 03

  Only-

• 3:07Speaker 04

  That's, are you serious? That's really beautiful. You and Nancy only doing-

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, she said it's the only way she gets off.

• 3:19Speaker 04

  I really love that. I really love that. She does the kneel afterwards.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:23Speaker 04

  Her little famous kneel.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  But she puts on the like-

• 3:27Speaker 04

  The cultural garb that she's not supposed to be wearing.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  But it's all different, what people don't know is it's all different kinds of cultural garb that she's not supposed to wear. Like she has a Indian headdress, a Native American headdress.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  She's got all the stuff. She'll put a dot right here.

• 3:40Speaker 04

  She'll do it all.

• 3:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  That's why she's a fucking freak. It's fun.

• 3:43Speaker 03

  She's so fun.

• 3:44Speaker 04

  God, I love that girl. I haven't hooked up with her in years.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  What?

• 3:48Speaker 04

  I know. It sucks. She just got so busy with work and everything.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:51Speaker 04

  And plus, you say as you grow older, people grow apart.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  They do grow apart.

• 3:54Speaker 04

  Do you know what I mean? Like it just sucks. Like she and I, we used to have so much in common, but then it's like she's in Congress, I'm a comedian. It just, yeah, it sucks.

• 4:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, yeah. Last time I saw her was at the Waxahachie show. And she, she likes their old stuff, so she was kind of bummed. She's like a big P.S. Eliot fan.

• 4:13Speaker 04

  And yeah, they're only, she was only playing like Tiger's Blood and stuff.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, I text her, I texted Nancy like two weeks ago because they announced they're not gonna do Bonnaroo next year. And I knew she, I was like, "She'll be in the dumps because she fucking loves Bonnaroo." And so I text her and I was like, "Hey, I heard about Bonnaroo. Like, I hope you're okay." She didn't text back, which is fine, but yeah, it just sucks because we used to go to Bonnaroo like every year.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  Man.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  What do you think about how I just conked out on the improv towards the end there and you couldn't think of anything?

• 4:44Speaker 04

  It was completely beautiful. And what the, the good thing about that bit is it was dead seven seconds into it. And we decided to go ahead and keep her running.

• 4:52Speaker 03

  That's what it was like whenever I did improv. I tried for like a year and I would just stand on the back line and I would, I would look at all the other improvisers and be like, "They probably got something better than me." And then I'd just keep standing back there.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Y'all got it, y'all got it.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  And then I'd see an opening for me to tell a long story. And I'd go, "Well, here's where I jump in."

• 5:13Speaker 04

  I love that. I was, I don't, what was I like as an improviser, Chance?

• 5:17Speaker 05

  You were very smart and very tactful, but also would like randomly get extremely physical.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's true. I would start throwing people. Yeah, well, that's because-

• 5:28Speaker 05

  Threw me through a window one time.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was mostly, when I'm with straight guys doing improv, I know what you guys like. You guys like to be thrown around a little bit. You like it to be like that. And so I would do that. When I was with the girls, of course I would like tone it down, but I had, we had an improv team for a while, Chance and I, and two of our buddies from college. And it was, they're all straight guys and me, so I would just, if I got bored with some dialogue they were doing, I would just initiate a fight scene.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  And that was beautiful. And Gabby Boyd joined that team eventually. So then Gabby was in there and then Gabby and I would do like, we would do like grounded emotional scenes together. And then the boys would like sweep it and be like, "Wahhh!" Or whatever the fuck. And Gabby and I would sit on the sidelines and be like, "God, I wish there was more girls and gay guys here."

• 6:14Speaker 03

  And then eventually, there was, right?

• 6:16Speaker 04

  Then eventually there were more girls and gay guys, yeah, in improvisation. I just had, we, Asher, we recorded with Asher Perlman yesterday and we started talking about improv. And he was like, "Everyone just turned the episode off." And I was like, "Yeah."

• 6:27Speaker 03

  I met Asher in Chicago in 2015 doing, I was doing stand-up up, whatever that old comedy club was. Up, Up, I think is what it's called.

• 6:39Speaker 04

  Up?

• 6:39Speaker 03

  Above Second City.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  Oh, the Up, yeah, yeah, yeah, the Up. Is it called the Up Room?

• 6:44Speaker 05

  The Up Comedy Club.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  And then I did the story, the monologue at the, and Asher was so funny.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  Asher's a good kid. He's a good kid. Got a bright future, good head on his shoulders.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  But people did just turn the podcast off.

• 6:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, for sure. They're like, "We don't care."

• 6:59Speaker 03

  Up Comedy Club.

• 7:00Speaker 04

  Oh my gosh. Well, you're in New York right now. How's it been going?

• 7:03Speaker 03

  It's good. I always say when I'm here that I don't ever know where I am or how to get anywhere.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Like, where am I? Like in New York, if this was LA, the studio would be like on the corner. I think HeadGum in LA is like the most convenient, conveniently located podcast place.

• 7:21Speaker 04

  It's like Sunset and Hyperion, yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, where everybody is. Whereas this is in some weird warehouse and you take an elevator that doesn't really work. There's boxes everywhere and it's kind of scary. And I think they, I shot something here once.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  See, we like that. We think that, we think that grit is very charming.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  It is charming.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  We like that.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  It's cool, man.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  We think it's nice that our guests are scared and confused when they arrive. It throws them off kilter and allows us to get a more honest interview.

• 7:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, I mean, everything is confusing here, so I just kind of accept the confusion.

• 7:52Speaker 04

  Did you ever live in New York?

• 7:54Speaker 03

  Not really. A lot of people think I did or think I started here just because all my friends are from here. All the, most of the comics that I started with don't do it anymore in LA. It was like peak 2012 nerd comedy kind of.

• 8:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, like the meltdown and shit.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, meltdown was great, but it was like, yeah, everything looked like, every poster looked like Nintendo or, you know? That time period, like that millennial, like didn't age well era, like cats with lasers coming out of their eyes.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  Oh shit, yeah.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  And I think all those people killed themselves.

• 8:31Speaker 04

  Hey, we have to laugh, but it is 100% true. Truly, most of being in comedy is just reading memorials.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  Truly.

• 8:39Speaker 04

  Just getting online and someone being like, like when we were in the back room of the Chucklefuckers hut in Indiana, "I knew this guy was gonna be somebody. Never really panned out, but God rest his soul." It's like every fucking day you get on Instagram and you're like, "New memorial, new memorial."

• 8:54Speaker 03

  Well, the difference between comics and musicians I've noticed is musicians complain about wanting to kill themselves all the time. And then comics will, you'll have like the best night of your life with them and then they'll go home and kill themselves.

• 9:08Speaker 04

  Musicians are all talk. Comics do it. Comics commit to the bit.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:13Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's, God, it's, but it's so fucking true. You'll be, you truly will not know a single thing was wrong. And then it'll just be like, "Oh yeah, memorial posts."

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:22Speaker 04

  Call from their mom. Fuck.

• 9:23Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  Sorry, it's what it's like. What do you want me, I, me, I can talk seriously about it, it wouldn't change it. It's really so, I mean, yeah, I don't think I'll ever do it, but there was a real window.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely. There was a time when I'd be driving to a show going, "Another sold-out show." If there's a gun next to me, I'd put it in my mouth.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Dreams coming true. Oh, that tree looks like it could hold a noose.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  It could hold my car at 90 miles an hour in a beautiful way. Well, that's not a great thing to hear, just because before we started recording, you told me you're going through a midlife crisis. So I'm now I'm worried about my friend Whit a little bit.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  I am, yeah. I'm just kind of at this period where I'm like playing out every possible scenario, like, like where I go, uh, oh, man, I should get a Subaru Outback. That's reliable. And I go, but what if I buy it right now and then one year from now I see a red convertible where the top comes down? And then I'm in a financial crisis because, you know what I mean, playing all those stupid little things out? Um, also like I've become fully embarrassed of being a skateboarder.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  Really?

• 10:33Speaker 03

  Like, yeah, I'm like completely ashamed of myself.

• 10:37Speaker 04

  I can't tell you how cool and hot it is that you're a skateboarder. That's the consensus. I think everyone thinks people who ride skateboards are cool and hot.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Really?

• 10:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, 100%.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Even as they get old?

• 10:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, 100%. Did you see the head shaking back here? Everyone's fucking bricked up thinking about the idea of it. It's it's cool and hot.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  If you saw me in New York City skating around from show to spot to spot, Carolines, The Cellar, you know how comics do?

• 11:01Speaker 04

  Yeah. The way you're always at Carolines and The Cellar. Yeah.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  Uh, with a skateboard under my arm. To me, I'm like, that's excruciating. That's embarrassing, but.

• 11:13Speaker 04

  Wait, I can't tell you how cool that would be.

• 11:15Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  We would all like that.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  I'm, and I speak for the general public here. That is very cool. Would I worry about you? Of course, your bones are getting a little brittle. You're, I mean, you gotta be real careful on that thing.

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:27Speaker 04

  But I don't think it's uncool. I think it's deeply cool.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  Maybe I'm just feeling self-conscious because I just did a, uh, my new comedy special. I talk about skateboarding. And somebody in the, like, I saw a Letterboxd. My dad won't stop sending, my whole family sends me Letterboxd reviews and they don't understand that, like, how it works. And a lot of them are bad reviews.

• 11:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:49Speaker 03

  Or not bad reviews. They'll say something like, um, I didn't really like it, but I think it's cool that he likes his friends. Or something like that. And, uh, my dad will send it and be like, so nice that they think he likes, they, they think it's great that you like your friends.

• 12:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  You missed the bad part, though.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, you missed the part where they panned my work that I love.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. And one of those reviews says, uh, he seems sort of immature and it's weird that he still skateboards. And that's all I focus. And it's mostly nice stuff on there, but that's all I think about. It's like, damn, I am getting old. You can see it. And, uh, I skateboard and yeah, my bones hurt. And I still am like, I'm doing this thing now where I try not to dress like the kids skating.

• 12:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  Because I feel like, no, I need to look a little bit more grown up. I can't, because all the kids now are wearing like Von Dutch hats and True Religion jeans and Ed Hardy shirts. Like, that's become popular in the skate world. And I'm just like, I'm not doing that. Too old for that.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:53Speaker 04

  Well, it's funny, the two first things that came up in your midlife crisis were both just mo- like modes of transportation. You're like, do I get the Subaru? Do I get the convertible? Am I allowed to skateboard? There's, there seems to be a lot of anxiety about getting around.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Well, it's that. And I think it's also about wanting to be wanted, like wanting people to be like, oh, that's a, that's a guy or whatever. And as you get older, it's like, uh, I don't know, man. It's like, ooh, I don't, I don't fucking know. I don't know what I'm saying, but yeah.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  You want to be wanted. Do you feel wanted?

• 13:25Speaker 04

  Because I perceive you as very wanted.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, I go, when I see, when, when you pop up in my phone or when you come around, I go, everyone's excited to see you. People love you. People love your work, think you're a great artist. Like, thi- this is the genuine perception, perception that I hold of you, what I think of you. I think you're a great artist and it's somebody that I want around. And then also, I, that's generally all that's ever said about you is good, nice things. Do you feel that?

• 13:48Speaker 03

  It's nice. Now I don't feel that. Um.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  It's because you're reading the fucking Letterboxd reviews.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  I'm not reading. I had to say like, hey, I don't read reviews. I don't look at this stuff, so please stop sending. And now they make fun of me and they keep sending them and I go, a little bird told me, you know, like, reading these things.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Old Whitmer doesn't want to see these. Well, too bad. Yeah.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  So, uh, I think, you know, I, I'm like, I don't know how I'm perceived. This is something I've been talking about in therapy where my, I'll like explain everything I just said to you. My therapist would be like, you know, like people really like you. And I go, oh, yeah, I guess. I wouldn't have even been invited to do that thing if they didn't like, like me or whatever. But maybe it's just like, feeling like, kind of like a, you know, every time I talk about this, I look back on it and I go, wait, no, they liked me for sure. Like, I'm, I was such an idiot when I was a kid and couldn't figure out like if a girl liked me. And then as an adult, I was like, man, I always had a, yeah, I've like encountered these women. And I'd be like, man, and, and fuck, junior year, I had such a crush on you and I just didn't know what to do.

• 14:55Speaker 03

  And she, the woman would be like, yeah, I remember I would sneak in through your window, take my clothes off and get into your bed and you wouldn't touch me.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  It's like, oh, yeah.

• 15:04Speaker 04

  Fuck, okay, yeah, I guess that would have been a sign in some way.

• 15:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Damn. It's funny, the thing you were saying about, um, like your family sending you stuff. I, I had a, I was up late last night, really late. Like, it was like three in the morning that I was writing this email. I've been putting off forever. I have this movie coming out that's about my dad passing and it's extremely fictionalized. There's a lot of things that are not true to what happened or true to my feelings. For different reasons, like it just made sense that the second act needed this conflict moment or what, you know, it's fucking filmmaking.

• 15:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:36Speaker 04

  But I've been putting off writing this email to my family, just like to all of them to say like, hey, this is going to come out soon. People are going to have reviews of it. Uh, it's, they're going to say things in the reviews that might not feel like what you experienced when dad died. Like, basically just like level setting and being like, I'm used to this because it's my job, but you guys are going to experience a level of this that like you might not be used to. And I finally wrote the email last night and sent it. And, um, my aunt, my aunt was very, very funny and like one of my favorite people in the whole world. My aunt Ashley, uh, responded to the email like first thing this morning and was like, she said a bunch of sweet stuff and like helped me contextualize it for everybody. And then she was like, also, I hope it's not a big deal. I sold a bunch of pictures of you, uh, to TMZ.

• 16:21Speaker 04

  And I was like, it made me feel way better because I was, I'm really anxious about, I think I didn't maybe do the best job when, when I put out my special and I talked a lot about my dad. I don't know that I did the best job of like helping my family process the way that people were gonna, because they'll see stuff online and get excited and they'll be like, that's Caleb. And then they'll read the comments and it'll be like, I'm talking about, I'll say like, oh, my dad was a nightmare or something. I'm being half serious because he was a very complicated person, but also I'm being like silly and loving in the way that like my dad and I would like rib each other. Like, he would think that was funny.

• 16:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  And then people in the comments are being like, like, you know, God, to have a dad like that would be fucking horrible. The guy sounds like an abuser or something like, shit like that. And then my grandma's reading that shit and being like, it just is like really not fair to them because they didn't choose this, uh, life and I did. And so anyway, I was, the reviews thing is so interesting because I'm like, I wonder how much of that stuff they see.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  When they go, the reviews kind of go one way or the other where they'll say like, uh, you're exploring your traumatic relationship with your dad or something, or they'll go, um, he's able to make light of the passing of his eccentric father or something. And

• 17:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:31Speaker 03

  I would prefer they see that kind of thing. I, I mean, I'm dealing with the same thing. Like, my first special dealt a lot, it was all about my mom and, and, uh, I like really roasted the hell out of my family and, and in order for me to kind of like feel comfortable doing that, I like involved them in it and I would like do little interviews with them. But even that, like, it's totally me paying homage to my mom and how, um, inspiring and, and beautiful she was, but she like was also a total problem. And, uh,

• 18:06Speaker 03

  and I was like out in Alabama and, um, had some family thing and this lady came up to me and, uh, she's like, hey, do you remember me? We met when you were, you know, a preteen and, uh, I stayed with you and your mom with my daughter who's your age. And, uh, I think like, I watched your special and I thought that it was awful to your mom and that you painted her to be like a real monster. And I was like, the fuck? Like, nobody has ever said that to me.

• 18:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  And then she goes, I go, well, that's not how I see it. Um, and she goes, by the way, I thought whenever I brought my daughter to stay with us at your house, uh, when, when you were a kid that you, uh, were gonna, you had a crush on her and you might ask her out, but you didn't.

• 18:57Speaker 04

  This is fucking insane.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  And I was like, I was in eighth grade. What are you talking about? And she goes,

• 19:03Speaker 03

  are you gay? And I go,

• 19:05Speaker 04

  I'm, I'm coming around on her.

• 19:10Speaker 03

  I was like, no. And she goes, okay, well, then it's weird. You didn't ask my. I was like, what are you, what is this? It's almost like she was, she wanted to be mean to me because I didn't ask her daughter out when I was in eighth grade.

• 19:22Speaker 04

  Yeah. And the first part of it, the stuff about the mom, I'm like, obviously I'm not on her side, but her being like, if you didn't ask my daughter out, you're gay. Of course I'm coming around to her. I do, I'm ending up in a place where I think she might be a legend. But that's fucking psychotic. She's insane. But I do love like 20 years later, being like, 30 years later, being like, not asking my daughter out was pretty gay, dude.

• 19:45Speaker 03

  And looking back, her daughter, I remember her daughter and I thought about her daughter a lot growing up. Cause she had a hole under her pocket in her jeans and I was staring at it all day. Like I was walking behind her going, God, what it'd be like to just like feel what that skin under her pocket is like. Like I was truly thinking about it nonstop.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  You had it like in a crush way or like, okay, yeah, you were really into her.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  I wanted to know. I thought it was very brave and sexy of her to have a hole under her pocket.

• 20:14Speaker 03

  I should, I told her that too. I was like, listen lady, in eighth grade, I wanted to fuck the hell out of your daughter. I wanted to stick my dick through that little hole and grind around.

• 20:23Speaker 04

  I want to fuck your daughter's jeans, okay? I was really into her jeans.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  I should have said that looking back. We were at a church, but still.

• 20:31Speaker 04

  We couldn't do it at church. Dude, that is so fucking funny. I don't, yeah, I don't want to see anything. I think God, my family doesn't send me anything because I don't wanna, I don't want to know anything. I don't really want to know any opinions of my work unless it's nice. Cause there's nothing I can do now. I put it out. I liked it. I clearly believed in it. I worked really hard on it. And it's like, it does me, I give, I give, I give like three people in my life permission to read the bad stuff and relay in nicer terms, anything to me that could be constructive. Like if there's something to learn about my work that they're like, oh, like he does this a lot and it doesn't like help the story or whatever. If there's something constructive, you can take the mean stuff and filter it through the you love me filter and then give me the good notes. But other than that, I don't ever want to see something bad about something I made. It does me no good.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I try to avoid it totally. Sometimes I agree with it, like, like you were saying, like they'll go like, oh, he, you know, the first five minutes was not super strong. And I'm like, yep, you're right.

• 21:25Speaker 04

  Felt that.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  Or it, he talks about his childhood too much and it's like, I kinda got nothing else, but yeah, you're right, you know?

• 21:32Speaker 04

  He talks about his childhood too much. Uh, the biggest thing that happens to anybody ever.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:37Speaker 04

  Sorry. That's, I don't agree with shit like that. I, I think that's like, it also is like, um, yeah, a lot of commentary from people who don't make anything. I go, okay, well, what would you talk about for an hour when someone pays you to talk?

• 21:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, you make something, you little hoe.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  I legitimately feel that way. I don't think, and then there's like professional critics that I'm like, yeah, okay, you, you kinda nailed that. The second act was whatever, this, that. But the idea of like, I shouldn't talk too much about my childhood is like, I'm the artist. I talk about whatever I want to talk about and you either watch it or don't.

• 22:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, turn it off.

• 22:09Speaker 04

  Go away.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  It like, especially with, with my shit, it's like, okay, I think if you can power through the first five minutes, which has a four minute song that isn't funny.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  I just like music, yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  Then you're probably, might enjoy the rest of it. And I think, I'm so curious to see like the click off rate, like they do on Instagram. You can see like when people skip it or whatever. I wish they had that on HBO. Maybe they do. Because I guarantee three minutes in, people are just like, ah, fuck this.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  No more song.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Get rid of the songs. And I meant to post something saying like, when the songs start, you can look at your phone.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  Those are for me.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  Songs are just for me. Go ahead and check Instagram, email your boss back.

• 22:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Oh my God. Well, wait, earlier, we didn't really get to the, I did want to ask you about the, uh, midlife crisis thing. What do you think is actually going on? Is there an, is there a concern that you have right now about life that's like in the forefront? You're like, oh, I'm, I must be my time the right way, or I'm worried that things are gonna turn out. Is there a thing?

• 23:16Speaker 03

  I think that my life right now is, is better than it's ever been.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  And that I, because of that, like it's made me a little bit selfish. And like, I am like caught up in my own career and all that shit. And I've like, started to realize that there's so many other things that I have like, um, and you know, mental health wise and all that, health wise in general, that I've sort of been neglecting. And it's, uh, stressful for me to think like, oh, it's time for me to tackle those things, you know? And, uh, you know, like I just, I'm, I'm 38. Both my parents are addicts and alcoholics. Mom drank herself to death.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  And I just now started going to Al-Anon meetings and things like, I feel like, and, and I feel like I'm the, on the other side of all this now where I've had, have some perspective, but the midlife crisis thing, I think comes from finally having like a career in, in comedy and, and a little bit in music and like a, as a filmmaker or an actor and, and it's like, okay, I got everything I want. And, uh, uh, there's no, I, it's like I used to daydream about the future. And now I think like, oh, all these, some of these dreams have come true. And now I'm like stuck thinking about the past.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  And, um, things I could have changed or maybe taken care of or acted differently about. And,

• 24:57Speaker 03

  and yeah, so, yeah, I think that's just kind of it. And, and so I'm like, and it's also the thing of like wanting to be seen as, uh, kinda young and, and cool and kind of knowing like that's over, but also I don't know if I actually care about that. Like the other night I went to Echo Park Rising and saw a friend's band play. And I was like, what am I doing here? I don't want to fucking be doing this. Get me the hell out of here.

• 25:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:24Speaker 03

  And even when I was like 25, I lived in a big party mansion with 10 roommates and we'd have these crazy parties. And I'd be like, I just want to be in bed watching South Park. Like I've never had that instinct. And so now I think at like 38, I go, oh, I didn't do any, I didn't even start drinking till I was 30. So like, I was like, I didn't do any of that. So maybe I need to do that before I turn 40, but then I'll have two margaritas and I'll be like hungover for three weeks.

• 25:57Speaker 03

  Maybe that's not what I need to be doing.

• 25:59Speaker 04

  Is it the, is it that you want to be perceived as somebody who does those things? That you want to be like perceived as the, like a cool young guy who

• 26:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:07Speaker 04

  drinks margaritas and isn't hungover for three weeks?

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think I'm desperate to be perceived as cool. And I'll often.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  Dude, you are.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 26:15Speaker 04

  I'm just telling you, I've, I've got really good news for you. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that is an illness and we're gonna have to fix it. And the good news is it's working. People think you're very cool.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  Thank you, Caleb.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  So that's the, that's the silver lining in the whole deal. Now we do still have to fix it.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  I'm doing the work, man.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  I believe you. I'm with you.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  I think my thoughts are special and my feelings. And then I go to like these meetings and I go, ooh, these aren't special thoughts at all. Everybody feels this way. And it's, it is cathartic, you know? But I, I, uh, and people think it's so fucking lame. Like I did this, I, I have a joke about how badly I want to feel cool. And, and so I'm like, I, I like think a little too much about my clothes or, or how far away my pants are from my shoes, which is like a skate, skateboarder thought. And, uh, then I did like this interview in the LA Times and the, um, headline says like Whitmer Thomas doesn't care about being cool or something like that. And then it's the coolest looking photo of me of all time. And I'm like, this, this doesn't.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  Doesn't track.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Like so lame.

• 27:21Speaker 04

  Doesn't track, yeah.

• 27:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. And it, now I understand why like most photos of comics are like them with like the mic in their mouth or like, yeah, going like.

• 27:31Speaker 04

  I remember when we were taking the key art for my, for my special, they asked me, I, I was like, being a, a team player for most of it, even though I hate that shit. They asked me to wrap myself in the mic and like pretend that I was like tied up by it. And I was like, I, I have drawn a line. We're done.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  The photo shoot is over.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  No, I, I think, um, it sounds like maybe you've had, uh, I, maybe you don't relate to this, but it sounds like maybe the blinders were on for a little bit. And there was a bunch of stuff out in the periphery that wasn't able to be dealt with because you were focused on, um, yeah, like work and life and other big things. And now they're off because you've had some comfort.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Exactly. It, it's, it's, people say money doesn't buy happiness, but I, I've spent until now trying to figure out how to pay my rent my whole life. So that's all I've been thinking about is how do I survive for the next month? And it's good. Like to everybody out there who's like an artist who's struggling, just know that like, that's what you need. And, and that's so good because it keeps you, uh, present. And then as soon as you can pay rent, and it's like, you can pay rent for a couple of years.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  You are like forced to reckon with, uh, your sadness finally, because you can finally think about like your, your own, uh, feelings without having to, like, I don't have time to be depressed. I gotta figure out how to get $1,200.

• 28:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  And then suddenly you've got all the time in the world and you're just like, uh-oh, like I got all these problems. So it does like, it provides, um, comfort, but then in that comfort, you're like, uh, ah shit, I'm all fucked up and I didn't know because I didn't have any money.

• 29:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. I was talking to a friend recently, we went to dinner and she, you know, very, very successful, very like has a, a ton of money.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  It was Nancy Pelosi.

• 29:20Speaker 04

  It was Nancy Pelosi. We, I was, uh, well, I don't want to say what we were doing, but let's just say we weren't face to face.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  No, I was talking to this friend and she was, um, she was on Broadway recently for the first time. It was like her lifelong dream. And she was like, telling me like, oh, I'm a little fucked up right now because Broadway didn't fix everything and I legitimately thought it would. And I was like, really? You really, you really like, you genuinely, like, are you saying that? Cause that's a thing to say? Or are you really telling me you genuinely held a belief that being on Broadway was going to like, make you feel like everything was fixed? And she was like, I really thought that. And I was like, oh, wow. I've ne- I actually didn't hold any of those beliefs. And I feel grateful for that because I have had a lot of dreams come true. And I feel grateful that I didn't think any of it was going to fix anything with me. But that would be really fucked

• 30:11Speaker 04

  up. And I think that is part of sometimes people getting their big dreams is going like, well, fuck, what now? I think I've got like 60 years left.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  Everything up until now was about this and now this has happened. What, uh, what, what do I do?

• 30:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. It makes me feel really bad for people whose dream is to be on SNL and then they get it at 28 and then they get fired in a year.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  It's like shit. Fuck. Yeah. I mean, it is, I am thinking like, what now? And I, and I also think I'm like in this, this cyclone of, of going like, how do I, uh, make my future perfect to where there's never a problem?

• 30:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:50Speaker 03

  And it's impossible, but that's like a, you know, that's something. And, but I'm working on it.

• 30:55Speaker 04

  I told my therapist the other day, ideally I would never experience pain.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  And she was like, right. So do we need to? And I was like, no, no, I know. I'm just saying like, ideally it would not happen to me.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  How can we numb you up here?

• 31:05Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's really real. I mean, it's like the, I don't know. It's a kind of interesting, like, I don't want to say it's an American thing. I guess. I don't know if that's true, but like so many people spend their whole lives sacrificing and sacrificing and sacrificing for the idea that they're going to turn 65 and retire and then do whatever they want. I think that's so backwards and so scary to me that I'm like, first of all, you might never get to that age. Second of all, you do, and you're tired and traveling is really fucking hard and you can't walk like as long, like not like 65 year olds can't walk, but like you have pain in your knees and shit. And like, I don't know. The idea of like building this perfect future that might arrive

• 31:46Speaker 04

  someday and that like all your decisions are playing perfectly into this is like, it's a thing we do. And it's also really scary and, um, unrealistic to me. Do you know what I mean?

• 31:57Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, now I, totally like now I'm, I'm in this mode of going like, okay, there's no way to have a perfect future with no hiccups, but I, I'm trying now to, to figure out how to like, um, confront these things whenever they happen in a way that actually is healthy. Instead of avoiding conflict or apologizing, even though I'm the one who just got hit by a car, you know? Which is like a problem. And, uh, so that's kinda, that's where I'm at right now.

• 32:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Hopefully it'll, it'll work out. And if not, um, I'm happy to go back to Nancy and just see if she'll take me back.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  See if she'll have me back. Baby girl, outside, outside with a big, uh, radio, outside Congress.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  Playing Nancy's favorite song.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  This is my fight song.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  Dude, that song bangs.

• 32:55Speaker 04

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• 37:22Speaker 04

  Yeah. I think it is all going to work out, but I also think, you know, like this is, like, life isn't some far away future where we have figured everything out. Life is actually like what's happening right now. And figuring these things out and having these problems and like, yeah, like our lives are this. Our lives are like being like, oh, fuck, I think, now I think I gotta, uh, work on my insecurities or now I think I gotta work on my relationship. Or there was like a two year period where I finally got health insurance that like every three months I had to go to the dentist. We were on like a plan to fix my teeth because they were so, I had cavities and shit that I hadn't dealt with. And so there were like two years where my life was like, pretty much about going to the dentist.

• 38:05Speaker 04

  It was a fucking nightmare. It hurt so bad. I hated it. It costs a ton of money even with insurance. And I just had to be like, yeah, it's not, life is not about two years from now when the teeth are fixed. Life is about going to the dentist for a little while. And that fucking sucks in some ways, but in other ways, it's like, it just has to be funny because there's nothing else to do.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, that's it. It's like, uh, you work so hard. You finally get health insurance and you just, ooh, you get to go to the dentist.

• 38:30Speaker 04

  Yeah. What a treat. And they, yeah. Oh God, I don't know. Well, when do you think you're happiest? What are your, what are your happiest moments?

• 38:35Speaker 03

  I think right now, looking back, my happiest moments are when I'm dead broke.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  And, uh, I remember when I was a kid, or not a kid, I was pretty much a kid. I was 22, I think. And I got somehow was ended up in a room with Norm MacDonald. I was, I was probably a year into doing standup and I was sitting in a chair in someone's office.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  And it was like a lazy boy and he goes, hey man, uh. He didn't even introduce himself to me or vice versa. Just first thing he said to me was like, hey man, you sit in that chair long enough, you'll become one of the funniest people alive. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he says, he was like, that's Chris Farley's chair. And immediately I was like, like trying not to cry, you know? And I introduced myself to him and he's like, are you a comic? And I was like, uh, yeah. He's like, how long? A year? And uh, he goes, I know it doesn't seem like it, but this is the best time of your whole life. Why is because I know you're broke and you don't feel funny.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  But you'll look back and, and realize that like, uh, this is, you know, the most important time of your life. And uh, just to keep kind of trying. And I do look back and I don't know if it was the best time of my life, but I think the joy that I felt, I wasn't jaded and, and I was broke and like just trying so hard across the board. And now like being able, like we were talking about being able to pay rent and all that shit. It's like, it really does help, but I always think back to that conversation. And you know, there's always goals in a, in a career and I'll always, I think everybody will feel like unsuccessful in a lot of ways.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  But just reminding myself to like try as hard as I can, just cause I guess that's what he said. So it's always in my brain and his little voice. But I'd say those are the happiest times for me looking back and just going, oh, I'm dead broke. And but now you gotta make other happy times.

• 40:41Speaker 04

  Is it possible, do you think that you're not nostalgic for being broke so much as missing being 22?

• 40:47Speaker 03

  I don't know, man. I think my life started to make sense. The, maybe the most joy and happiness I ever felt was when I was like 30 and, and

• 40:59Speaker 03

  I had kind of figured out who I was a little bit.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  What kind of comic I wanted to be and had this whole new world of friends and, and had finally felt like I belonged in some scene. And I've always felt kind of like an outsider. And that was the first time I didn't. So maybe that's the happiest time of my life. Maybe it was a year ago. I don't know.

• 41:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  You know, I think, yeah, I don't know. With perspective, looking back now, there's all kinds of like happiest moments of my life. But there's something so innocent about me. 22, I remember when I was a new comic, people would talk about Just for Laughs, New Faces.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  And they, everybody be talking shit about like, ah, that fucker got in there and stuff like. And it's like this prestigious, I don't even know it's still around where like, if you get picked to be one of the five people, like agents start calling and all that stuff. And I would be like, why are these comics so upset and jealous? Everybody's so bitter and mean. I'm never gonna be like that. And then three months later, I'm the most like cynical, like

• 42:09Speaker 03

  trying to think, what's, what's fucking John Early doing in there? Like my friend, like my friend who I also think is one of the funniest people on the planet. What's he got that I don't have?

• 42:24Speaker 03

  People I love would like jump in front of the train for it. I'm suddenly like, this fucker. So, yeah. Trying not to be like that anymore.

• 42:35Speaker 04

  That's interesting.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  But also like my peers, like I'm so lucky to be a part of this killer scene, you know? Like everybody's kind of crushing and I don't really have any friends or, or people in my orbit who I think are successful. Or who are successful, who I'm like, they don't deserve that.

• 42:54Speaker 04

  Nobody?

• 42:59Speaker 04

  Not one?

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Let's say that maybe there's some in my orbit.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Orbit, but not circle. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just try not to think about anybody, like I try not to think about anybody career wise too much. Cause I'm like, it doesn't, it all has so much to, I don't know. It's all so up to like cho- choice and fate and chance. Like I feel like, I don't know. I don't even know what to think of it. Like I'm like, the, the, the point of it really, I, I'm trying to spend as much time getting back to what you're talking about of like, when I was yeah, just starting out and everything felt new and fun and exciting and big. And I'm trying to like, like even like, I was feeling embarrassed recently actually, cause I posted. I had a suspicion, I, I, basically I felt that my movie at TIFF, there's only three screenings of it.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  The theaters, you know, all those seats are smaller than a room I would play in Toronto normally. So I had a suspicion that they would sell out without me trying. I didn't have to post about it or anything, but I wanted to post because I'm excited and I'm proud. And I want, uh, to build excitement for in case the movie goes on to go to theaters, right? And in posting about it, I was feeling like embarrassed almost. I was like, what if, what if people in the film industry who know that these always sell out, see me posting about this and think I'm like, I don't know that. And I'm like, and I'm like immature or silly. And I was just like, who fucking cares? Like, this is exciting. The fact that any person would ever spend a dime or an hour wanting to see something that you made is like

• 44:30Speaker 04

  something that I would have killed for when I started. And, and I couldn't get anyone to watch my stuff or pay for a ticket when I started. And so now I'm like, I don't ever want to take that for granted. I want to be excited about that. I don't, I want to be like excited and proud and like talk about how proud I am that, uh, my screenings sold out. Because it means that people are going to see my thing and I don't want to feel stupid or immature for doing that. Because those feelings are things that only come with like time and becoming jaded and being in this for too long, that you get around to other people who are like, oh yeah, it'll sell however many tickets or whatever. And I'm like, well, no, that's actually not like a throwaway fact. I don't want to, I have felt that way and I don't want to feel that way. I want to be like, every single ticket, every single person who sees your thing

• 45:14Speaker 04

  matters and is like exciting and something to be proud of. Do you know what I mean?

• 45:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, man. And, and people, what's weird, what's tough is like, a lot of those people in that audience, you're their favorite comedian. And, and it's like, it's a weird thing to like realize, you know? And if, if your favorite comedian came wherever you're from and did a screening and you didn't know about it, cause they never said anything about it, it'd be a bummer. Or people want to celebrate you and get excited by the thing that you made because it's for them. I mean, it's for you too, but you're making this stuff for other people to laugh at or to enjoy. And, and hopefully find some sort of, especially like the subject matter of your movie, some sort of solace or, or, you know, comfort in watching it.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  And I, uh, you know, it's one thing if it's like, I, I don't know. It, it, I just think that, uh, if you're proud of something, celebrate it. And, and also when it's something that's a little bit vulnerable, absolutely celebrate it. You're not playing a character. You're not, your comedic persona isn't like a character, you know? Where maybe then the mystery is okay, because you don't really want to let people in, you know? You don't want people to actually know that you have six kids.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's for musicians. The mysterious persona thing is for musicians. Some of my musician friends that have one, I'm like, God, that's good. That must be awesome.

• 46:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:40Speaker 04

  My job is actually saying everything I've ever thought forever.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  It's way worse.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  It's like, I always wonder that when I release like a new album or something, cause I'm, people know everything about me to where when people listen to a song, they go, ah, I already knew about that. Like that, that line, oh yeah, I'm, I'm happy he said that out loud. I heard him say that on a podcast one time.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, I just, I mostly mean like, I just wanna, I wanna maintain a new to this. Not even maintain, cause I, I, there have been times where I've lost it. I will say like a year or two ago, I think I was in a way different place with all this where like, I was getting a little jaded and I was getting a little like, I wasn't, I don't know that I was ungrateful, but I wasn't practicing enough gratitude. Do you know what I'm saying?

• 47:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  Like ungrateful feels so like actively being like, this is stupid to me. But practicing gratitude is like even a different thing than being grateful. Like ungrateful and grateful, I feel like put them in like states of being and practicing gratitude is like this thing that you do. And I'm trying really hard to practice gratitude for things that feel like guaranteed now. Or like even like, oh, I'm gonna pay my rent next month. That is a guarantee now for at least the next couple of months. You know what I mean? But I'm trying to like, every time the rent comes due, be like, oh my God, I paid my rent this month. Or I'm trying to like, when I, when I go pop in on a show and people know who I am, even though I wasn't on the bill. I'm trying to be like, leave stage and be like, holy shit. Like people know that I do this.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Maintaining that thing from when I was 22 and living it with a bunch of people and, and starting out. Just trying to like keep that, cause I think losing that is so sad.

• 48:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. And also the other thing that I, I can't stand with some, some people who are jaded is thinking that they're the funniest person on the bill or that they don't even really have to have fun with it to, to go and do a spot on one of these shows. Like I think that, uh, I'm this kind of the exact same way. I, I was watching Geese live and they're these younger guys, you know, and they, they're performing in the front, in front of thousands of people. And it's new for them, you know, this, this kind of success. And I just wanted so badly for Cameron Winter, and he's like, cool, you know, very cool, to go like, well, holy cow, I can't believe you all bought tickets to see me.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  Doesn't really talk in between songs, just like, what the heck? Please visit.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  The merch booth.

• 49:12Speaker 03

  I don't ever wanna lose that. If I ever play in front of that many people, I don't want, I don't want that to go away.

• 49:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  And it echoes back to being like fifteen years old and my big brother like coming to see my band or me opening for his band and going like, hey pal, really, tell them to go buy your EP because I think, you know, people should listen to it. And I was too embarrassed even then. I was like, I gotta be cool. I shouldn't tell people that. And then, you know, I did. And, and I still tell people to do that. Like, go visit the merch booth, even though it's like, people are gonna go to the merch.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  Stop the merch booth, yeah. No, but that's nice. I think that, I think that is good. What do you think? I've been thinking a little bit lately about what I think my like, stuff is about. Like, I'm like, what? Well, I was thinking about it the other day, actually. Did you know, uh, did you ever, uh, read or know about Wendell Berry?

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Mm-mm.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  Seems like somebody you would love. Uh, he was a southern guy. He was a writer, poet, he was an environmentalist. And he, he passed away the other day. It was like ninety something. I was really sad about it because I love him and I love his writing and I love the way he writes about the world and,

• 50:15Speaker 04

  if I had to sum up a bunch of his work, I would say like, he, he wrote once that, maybe, maybe he wrote this in like the sixties or seventies or something. But he was like, the next great divide will be between people who wanna live like machines and people who wanna live like creatures. And that's kind of like what a lot of his work is about, is the natural world and how far we are from that. And what industrialization is doing to our planet. Um, but I was thinking about what his work is about. And then I was like, what's my work about? And I thought about a couple of things, but what do you think yours is about?

• 50:46Speaker 03

  I wanna change this. I, I'm, but I, I think like so much of it is about abandonment and like trying to preserve and prepare, or I guess prepare, um, myself from being abandoned. Like, every joke is kind of protecting that or, or, or looking, or trying to get people to like me so they don't leave me or, um, or finding, you know, the new special is all about my friends who have sort of protected me over the years, when I, especially in my childhood. And it's something that I'd like to kind of ditch, you know, and, and move on to the next thing and, and, and stop making that my entire identity.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  Especially with my first comedy special where, like, I, it, it caused a lot of, uh, you know, like a big complex when I would, after that came out in twenty twenty and I didn't get to tour for a couple of years, but then when I finally did, people would come up to me after my show and be like, oh, you're silly. Like, I thought this was gonna be like a one man show, like, serious. And so I had this whole complex, like, I need to prove to people that I'm not just like a kind of a walking husk of like comedic, um, trauma, you know? And then this new one is all about, you know, how lucky I was to have friends during my childhood and, uh,

• 52:14Speaker 03

  and who kind of took care of me. But I think a lot of everything I'm, I'm kind of going through, maybe my midlife crisis is, is preventing myself from being abandoned or abandoning someone. I'm like, oh, it's an, it's inevitable that that will happen. And now I'm like, that's not who I am, actually. Like, I've gone this far and that hasn't happened. So like, I'm kind of trying to move on from that and think about jokes that are present. Like, an actual joke about how I feel right now and, and not looking back at some sort of thing or, or thinking about the future in some sort of way and just being like, I like sitting on a bidet because it's fucking me in the ass.

• 52:57Speaker 03

  You know?

• 52:58Speaker 04

  That good present stuff.

• 52:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  Where we're at right now.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:01Speaker 04

  Never knew about that when I was a kid, but now I know.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:04Speaker 04

  The power of the bidet. Yeah, that makes sense to me. I mean, it's like narrative building, the way we feed into our own narratives, the way we take on the narratives that people have given to us about who we should be, the way that like a, a life in like creativity, like inherently lends itself to other people handing you back narratives about yourself. And then at a, if you're lucky, at a higher and higher volume, like people are just constantly handing you back the narrative they've built of you. And you're supposed to like partially take it in, but also partially resist it. Um, yeah, the narratives that we have about ourselves are so like powerful and pervasive.

• 53:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. Ugh, yeah. I'm always kind of come, trying to think of like a, a way to stop doing that, you know? And just like, well, why do I feel sad? Or maybe if I did this differently or, or, uh, you know, kind of creating some sort of narrative. And then also, there's a lot of like psychopaths out there who will like construct a narrative that justifies their bad personality.

• 54:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  And I, I get worried a lot of times, like, oh, I have these problems because this happened to me when I was a kid. Or, you know, the way I talked to you earlier, I did that because when I was a kid, uh, uh, you know, whatever happened.

• 54:19Speaker 04

  I gotta tell you, the, the when I was a kid or my parents X, Y, Z explanation for like very present, recent behaviors. I don't know, man. After, like, it's one thing to say this informs the way that I see the world. And like, of course, our childhoods are the biggest thing that happened to us. But there is a certain point where you have to like take responsibility and start working. I've had friends, uh, and acquaintances that have behaved so badly and just continuously over and over again, be like, wow, I had a really bad childhood. And I go, so did a lot of people.

• 54:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:50Speaker 04

  Grow up. Like, get over it. Like, I don't know what to tell you, but at a certain point, you can't just walk around being mean and hurtful to people. That's, I think, what I'm really trying to say is like, it's one thing when you're looking at the way it affects you and your feelings and your world. We all should be doing that. But when you're like using it as an excuse to treat other people badly after like, I don't know, twenty-three years old, it's a certain point where it's just like, I don't know, man, you're gonna have to figure that out. Or get away from me.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:16Speaker 04

  There's, there really are options.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's totally right. Yeah. I think it's not necessarily that I'm mean or anything. I think it's more I'm, I'm, uh, I'm the opposite where if there is, if somebody's an asshole, I, I don't say anything. I, I just kind of like let it happen. Or if I feel sad or upset, I don't say anything about it. And somebody be like, are you okay? And I'll be like, what would Jack Nicholson have to say about that? Even though like I'm, I'm in that moment, I'm like devastated.

• 55:49Speaker 04

  Right.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Like, something is not okay.

• 55:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:52Speaker 03

  And, uh, so I, I, there is no, I'm, and so it's not necessarily affecting like my friendships, other than people are like, yeah, he's never serious. Or, or he won't ever like actually let me know what he thinks of something. And so it, you're right, there's no excuse for that. And, and obviously it goes back to my childhood or whatever, but it's like.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  Oh, to be clear, I'm not criticizing you. I'm, I'm talking about people who are actively malicious to other people. My read of your situation is that you're more critical of Whitmer than you are to anyone else. And that is ultimately, I don't like that for you, but that is, that's not really harm to other people. I, I want you, I, I don't want you to do that for you because you're my buddy, but yeah, I think it's the being mean to other people thing that I'm like, you gotta get over that.

• 56:36Speaker 03

  And, and like, yeah, a, a lot of those people also will eventually, there, I, me and my pals describe those people as like, it ta, or my, our favorite funny trait with those people is that, uh, it takes them three months to realize the same thing, uh, how they affected somebody in the same time it would take a normal person like fourteen seconds.

• 57:03Speaker 04

  You get that text way later.

• 57:05Speaker 03

  Where you'll be like, oh, this guy just said this, uh, awful thing or did this awful thing. And we'll joke like, three months, give him three months. They should have said sorry within five seconds, but give him three months. They'll come back around with a forty page text message.

• 57:19Speaker 04

  That, that also kind of half like absolves their own, like, yeah, it's, yeah, well, I'm thinking of specific people and feeling really upset towards them.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  Should we all say their names, but just bleep it out?

• 57:30Speaker 04

  There are plenty of times we do that on this show that I'll, I'll just, I'll just allow myself, I'll know in the moment that what I'm saying is never going to make it out. And I'll just allow myself to go ten minutes. And then afterwards, I'll text Chance and be like, cut all of that.

• 57:44Speaker 04

  Like, in the moment, it felt like I needed to say it, but you know, the, the, the larger conversation needed it. It was taking us to a place we needed to get to, but it can't, that can't go out because that was really mean.

• 57:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Hey, we're not gonna say, we didn't cut anything out.

• 58:00Speaker 04

  No, no, we're not gonna cut names today.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  No, not today. Just, this is raw and uncut.

• 58:04Speaker 04

  This is raw, uncut, unfiltered wit.

• 58:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:07Speaker 04

  Unfil, wit, unfiltered. You should, you know what you should do? You and I both, let's do it at the same time, separate specials. We'll call Nina today and we'll say, hey, Whit and I are gonna do two separate specials, same idea. And it's gonna be like our like fuck you comic special.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  Dude, I would fucking love that.

• 58:23Speaker 04

  We'll both do one, our own versions of it, put them out at the exact same time.

• 58:26Speaker 03

  Oh, let's do it.

• 58:27Speaker 04

  And there'll be all these articles like, comedy's changing.

• 58:31Speaker 03

  You can only, one of those things where you can only watch it for two days and then they take it down because everything is so fucked up that we're saying. And it's like.

• 58:39Speaker 04

  Because we're being censored.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  Caleb and Whitmer, raw and uncut, uh, slurs welcome.

• 58:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. Slur heavy comedy. We get involved in that scene.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 04

  Austin, Texas. We get involved in the Austin, Texas comedy scene.

• 58:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's go.

• 58:53Speaker 04

  I could see us doing well in Austin.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  That's the, the, the sad truth is I have had friends, like our peers who have gone to the mothership and they're like, it was fucking awesome.

• 59:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 03

  It was great.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  No, some of my favorite comics are like, it's the best place on earth. And I'm like, of course it is. It's run by a comic and almost none of the other places are.

• 59:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:08Speaker 04

  Well, a comic, but you know, don't get me started. A guy who at least likes to see himself as a comic and that is important, unfortunately.

• 59:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:15Speaker 04

  Oh, man. You know what I would love to do someday? Kevin Morby and I have talked about the, about opening a venue together in Kansas City. I think it'd be so fucking sick. Lose money immediately and forever.

• 59:27Speaker 03

  You just hope you got enough money by then to to just lose that money.

• 59:31Speaker 04

  Well, that's literally what I'm I'm like, I'm cool with that. I'll lose some money. We could even just break even. I'd be fine with that and just be like, we make no money off this, but it it pays itself.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  One, it would it would easily be the best venue in Kansas. I some of these venues, I'm like, everything here is great.

• 59:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  And then you go, but why is there an AI painting of Jimi Hendrix on the wall behind the stage?

• 59:54Speaker 04

  Right. Would it have killed you to spend 200 more dollars on the green room furniture?

• 59:59Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  So that any of the pieces were sitable?

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  Would I mean, would it have absolutely killed you? I yeah, I wanted I there's somebody should start like a venue consulting service where they go through and tell them like, hey, obviously a thousand, a thousand people standing room only is not the move. Put some benches around the edges at least.

• 1:00:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what I always say. Can we put some chairs on the side?

• 1:00:20Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  I made the mistake of touring for two years to only standing.

• 1:00:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:25Speaker 03

  Room and I swear you should have seen the audiences towards the end just dwindling as people would find out that there's not gonna be any seats. Like, people would be like, are now in comments whenever I announce a tour, are there chairs?

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, 100%.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  Are there chairs?

• 1:00:44Speaker 04

  When Katie and I do our benefit show in Kansas City, there's the balcony with a bunch of seats and then it's all standing on the floor. And every year the balcony sells immediately and then the floor sells really slowly all the way up to the day where people are like, fuck, I guess, like, they don't want to do it.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  Guess I'll go fucking stand. I did a like a little party here in New York screening and I didn't realize there wasn't going to be chairs and

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  a young, cool person in the front row, just who is clearly like a person people look to for coolness, just sat down on the floor and then everybody sat down behind her and I was like, oh, that's all it takes is one influential person to sit on the floor and then you realize like, oh, all right.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  You seen that video like on the hill at the they showed this all the time in college. I don't know if anyone else experienced this. It's like at a music festival on a hill and no one's dancing and then like one guy runs and starts dancing. Do you know what I'm talking about? And then and the the voiceover that they would show in college is always like, right now he looks crazy. Right now he looks insane dancing alone. And then one person joins him and they're like, now he doesn't look so silly, does he? And then a third person joins and they're like, it's officially a movement. And then and then eventually everyone's dancing and they always show it to be like the the first follower is the most important, like whatever, whatever. But that's what it feels like anytime something like that happens in public where everyone just goes, wait, well, this is all made up. We don't have to do this. We can actually do something else.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, we can have a little fun here.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, or we can. Yeah, we can. I was in a coffee shop recently where everyone was waiting in a line that clearly wasn't the line.

• 1:02:25Speaker 04

  Do you know what I'm saying? Like, there was like a line that was obviously getting served and then a line that was like off to the side. And I just went up to the front of that and was like, none of us are in line. We should move to the real line. And everyone's like, oh, yeah. And then we just like, I was like, what the fuck is like, no one wants to talk. Everyone's scared to say it.

• 1:02:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're all robots.

• 1:02:40Speaker 04

  None of us are getting coffees if we don't move.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Tell you right now, I would have stood in the wrong line the whole time and not said anything, even if I knew there was a right line.

• 1:02:47Speaker 04

  I'm always trying to make a friend in public. You know what happened to me last night? I was go I wanted to tell you about this. Hold on, allow me to walk in. Last night, my friend and I are biking in Manhattan. We're going from dinner to the park. And we what passes us is a 300 cyclists biking together. And I was like, should we join them? I want to know where they're going. And my friend was like, yeah. So we joined them and we biked with them. Whole time we're biking with them, we probably bike with them for like 45 minutes. Whole time we're biking with them, people are like pulling up next to us and being like, you guys new? Hey, what's up? I'm Joe. Like, literally like so friendly. Everyone was so cool. We learned about at one point, this like shirtless guy pulls up next to us and he goes, we're doing a film festival, Bicycle Film Festival. It's all films about bikes. You guys want a flyer?

• 1:03:30Speaker 04

  And I was like, yeah. And so and then we like biked with them all the way to Battery Park. And then this guy like made a little speech that was like, this was awesome. Thank you guys so much for coming out tonight. It's all love. It's all joy. It's all bicycles.

• 1:03:42Speaker 03

  And make sure to vote for Trump, the third.

• 1:03:46Speaker 04

  We were we immediately were joking like, what if this turned out to be like a pro Israel?

• 1:03:51Speaker 04

  And it's just pictures of us being like.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  My friend, that's beautiful, by the way. Love that.

• 1:03:58Speaker 04

  Oh, I almost cried three times. I loved it.

• 1:04:00Speaker 03

  Sounds like a terrible batch of films, by the way, just about.

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  I cannot imagine the Bicycle Film Fest is gonna be awesome, but guess what? I'll probably be there.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, you should support the support the scene.

• 1:04:11Speaker 04

  I'm gonna bike over.

• 1:04:12Speaker 03

  And then also hand out flyers for your movie while you're there.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Hey, we're having a film festival about my dad dying. It's all films about my dad dying. It's it's one. Come out.

• 1:04:21Speaker 03

  My friend wrote this song. This is like 18 years ago when he was like 20 and they were like, hey, a commercial wants to license it. I was like, sick, what is it? And he goes, I don't know, some sort of walk. And I was like, oh, okay. And then we saw it and it was a pro life walk.

• 1:04:37Speaker 04

  Please.

• 1:04:40Speaker 03

  And I don't think he even knew what that was.

• 1:04:42Speaker 04

  That is so fucking funny.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  He's a guy who says he's pro life, an Alabama guy.

• 1:04:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  And then I go, dude, you're not pro life. You've like, you've been with a few girls who have had abortions. And he goes, well, they can do, it's their choice. They can do whatever they want, but I'm pro life. And I'm like, you described pro choice.

• 1:05:03Speaker 04

  We have a phrase for that, actually. You're something else. And it's pro choice.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  It's their body. They should be doing, the government should not interfere with that. I'm very, I'm very passionate about that. But if I had a baby, I would never get an abortion. I'm like, that is a choice. You just, you are pro choice. And.

• 1:05:22Speaker 04

  I was thinking the other day about the number of girls that I grew up with that were like hardcore badass, like cool girls that once every six or seven months I'll get on Instagram and another one of them will pop up with a cross necklace. And I go, all right, that's it. That's the end. That's the the cross necklace is the official end of like, they've been becoming uncool for many years. And then the cross necklace pops up and I go, it's now official. We can, we can close the book. We can sign the deal. It's over.

• 1:05:51Speaker 03

  Do you believe it? Or do you think they've just like when I was a kid, my mom would like, I remember she would wake me up on Sunday and be like, we have to go to church. And I'd be like, ah, mom did something bad last night.

• 1:06:04Speaker 03

  What did she do? And do you think it's like that?

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  I think like, I actually don't have, I would have thought it was so lame and I would have been so mean and judgmental about it when I was a teenager or in my like early twenties. But now I just look at it and go, yeah, I think they believe it. I think they're making peace with this whole thing the way that we all are. Yeah, same way I'm making peace with all this. Like, it's it's their version is like, they're gonna start going to church because they have kids and they want the kids to be around the grandparents and it makes them feel like the kids are being taught values or whatever. So that's their version of like, making sense of how confusing and hard it is to be alive. But the part that I mourn isn't that they're like going to church and wearing cross necklaces. I think that's great. Make sense of this however you have to. Life is really fucking hard. The part that I mourn is that I think

• 1:06:53Speaker 04

  I was hoping that we would all turn out the same. Do you know what I mean? I was hoping we would all move to big places and travel the world and like make art and I was hoping that we would all be the same forever. And that's not actually possible. That's childish.

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  That's wild, man. I got that same feeling. And it hits harder every year, even as my friends find success back in Alabama, open in a restaurant. I'm still like, I should have moved to LA with me. You'd be you'd be a star right now.

• 1:07:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Or it's a, it's a, it's crazy. Like, I thought, and it's it's sad to see like, oh, they don't go to shows anymore. And then I'm like, but they have these beautiful families and these careers, you know? And they just found something that brings them joy as like a grown up. And like, I'm still like, but you're miserable, right?

• 1:07:41Speaker 04

  And they're like, please.

• 1:07:43Speaker 03

  No, I love my sons.

• 1:07:46Speaker 03

  Today, one of them scored a home run and I'm like, you're lying. You hate that little guy.

• 1:07:51Speaker 04

  You you wish you were having lunch at all time.

• 1:07:54Speaker 03

  You should we're having a general meeting with somebody who doesn't know anything about you.

• 1:08:00Speaker 04

  No, I'm done. I'm like, whatever. Make peace however you need to make peace. I think it's, everything's a compromise and that you decided this was best case for you. I think I'm living my best case. I wouldn't trade my situation for anyone else's. Like I, I think a lot, like if you, if you gave me the option to put all my problems in a bucket with everyone else's and grab a handful at random, I would hope to God that I got mine. But I don't know, everybody do whatever you want to do. I just do feel a sadness that I'm like, I had these dreams as a kid that we were gonna like turn out the same and go to the same places. And now at like 3pm on a Tuesday, when I'm like, fuck, I want to ride my bike to the park and see a friend. There is a part of me that's sad that it'll never be those people. It'll never be the people that I am talking about. But it's new people now. It's different people. I get to do that with my buddies now.

• 1:08:43Speaker 04

  It just is like, yeah, that's, my version of it is not going to be their version of it. And that does make me a little bit sad and I think that's okay. I don't think that's mean.

• 1:08:52Speaker 03

  Not at all.

• 1:08:53Speaker 04

  But the cross necklace is the, the emblem that I go, okay, we have officially, if, if there was any hope that I was holding out, that maybe you were gonna...

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  I, I have a friend from high school who was like huge atheist, hardcore, straight edge. Like hardcore kid, just like totally immersed in the hardcore scene. And now he's Catholic, Christian, has two kids.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  And he's just a great guy, but I do find when I'm hanging out with his, him and his wife, whenever I go back home, I, I can't tell certain stories and we can't laugh about certain things. When she's around and I, I do, that does bum me out a little bit of like, you don't even know this entire life that he had when we were kids and how crazy he was. And, and that, that does bum me out, but then I look at him like speaking Spanish to his kids because she's Colombian and I go, but this is like a beautiful life. Like this, this guy's like learned an entire language and he like, he's also Mexican and like,

• 1:10:00Speaker 03

  but when we were kids, I think he like suffered a lot being in Alabama and like cops pulling him over because he had a skateboard, but only really fucking with him, you know?

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  And now he's like embraced his culture and I'm like, but look at this, man. I can't talk about how we used to catch you jacking off in public all the time.

• 1:10:21Speaker 03

  But look at this whole life, man.

• 1:10:23Speaker 04

  Damn, cool that you earn Spanish though.

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  Como se dice, congratulations.

• 1:10:30Speaker 04

  Como se dice, congratulations in every regard to everyone I've ever loved. Still love you. Send all my love. Como se dice, do your thing, girl. I, whatever, like I really don't, it really is not a place of judgment. It's just like, we're doing different things and I'm, I'm noticing, I'm noticing that things are different. And I don't know how it happened that way. But yeah, it is, it's not, uh, it doesn't shock me that someone who's a militant atheist could become a militant Catholic. It's militant, being militant about stuff is, it's very easy to flip the coin. It's very easy to flip the coin.

• 1:11:01Speaker 03

  Oh yeah. All the straight edge kids in the hardcore scene like started shooting heroin a year later.

• 1:11:06Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:11:06Speaker 03

  You know?

• 1:11:08Speaker 04

  Well, because what, what militant, like what, what militancy does for people is like this really strict type of exercising control. That's their cope. That's their like way of dealing with like being alive is they're like, I'm straight edge. I never, I don't have to do that stuff. And it's like, you're just coping with the same thing that I'm coping with. You're doing it in a different way. And it's very easy to just flip that into like, oh yeah, now I'm addicted to heroin.

• 1:11:32Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:11:33Speaker 04

  It's just another type of, it's control, it's lack of control. It's, it's just all coping with like, being alive is fucking insane. None of us asked for it. Uh, it's going bad in terms of humanity and the planet. It's like not, we're not, we're not doing, you would think we'd be way better at it by now. The planet's kind of like dying rapidly. And so at some point you have to make peace with all that. And some people choose straight edge and some people choose heroin. Como se dice, do your thing, girl.

• 1:12:00Speaker 03

  Maybe that's the name of your next comedy special.

• 1:12:03Speaker 04

  Como, I think the full name of the comedy special is, some people choose straight edge, some people choose heroin, colon, como se dice, do your thing, girl.

• 1:12:10Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  Nina? I'm calling, I'm calling HBO.

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  I, the reason I think I even have this special is because of a guilt trip to HBO, to Nina and, and Aaron, who like run the specials over there. They, I wrote them a letter. Like they came and saw my show and then I wrote them a letter about like, listen, the golden one, my first special was great and it was a great opportunity, but now everybody thinks I'm a sad guy. So, uh, can I, this next one's really silly and it would really help my confidence if y'all did this. And then it worked. So, so I just wrote a letter to them.

• 1:12:46Speaker 04

  I love, I love that so much. And I love Nina and Aaron and probably Christina sitting, yeah, sitting in a room together, reading this and being like, I think we gotta green light it.

• 1:12:56Speaker 03

  We gotta do it or else he's gonna fucking off himself after a great night with friends.

• 1:13:04Speaker 04

  Oh shit.

• 1:13:05Speaker 03

  I'm happy for a guilt trip.

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  Wit, look, we gotta play a game.

• 1:13:09Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 1:13:09Speaker 04

  It's time to play a game.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:13:12Speaker 04

  You ready for this? Do you know what this is?

• 1:13:14Speaker 03

  Well, they said there's two questions that...

• 1:13:16Speaker 04

  Oh brother, this is true or false. I'm gonna read you 15 statements.

• 1:13:19Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:13:20Speaker 04

  You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. And if you get 10 or more correct, Wit, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:13:27Speaker 03

  Sick. I'm gonna take that to Resort World Casino tomorrow before I go to JFK.

• 1:13:31Speaker 04

  That's exactly right. You ready?

• 1:13:32Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  Okay. Monsters Inc. came out in 2004.

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:13:37Speaker 04

  False, 2001. The US has won over 1,000 gold medals at the Summer Olympics.

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:13:43Speaker 04

  True. The chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide is H2O2.

• 1:13:48Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:13:49Speaker 04

  True. The longest playable trumpet ever made was one, the longest playable trumpet ever made was 105 feet long.

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:13:58Speaker 04

  True. Gulf Shores, Alabama's town motto is better by the beach.

• 1:14:04Speaker 03

  No, false.

• 1:14:05Speaker 04

  False. It's small town, big beach.

• 1:14:07Speaker 03

  Stupid.

• 1:14:09Speaker 03

  Cause you know why? Smallest beach ever. It's a sliver, it's a beautiful beach, sliver of a beach because they built condos directly on the beach, which shortened our beaches and took down all the dunes and seagrass. So now when hurricanes blow through, it's just like, bye-bye Gulf Shores.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  Fuck.

• 1:14:25Speaker 03

  For another, you know, but anyway, terrible.

• 1:14:28Speaker 04

  We talk about Lambert's over there.

• 1:14:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, we do.

• 1:14:30Speaker 04

  Cucumbers are 95% water.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  True?

• 1:14:33Speaker 04

  True. Trader Joe's operates two stores in the US Virgin Islands.

• 1:14:38Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:14:38Speaker 04

  False. None. The Brooklyn Bridge is longer than the Manhattan Bridge.

• 1:14:43Speaker 03

  Fucking brew?

• 1:14:45Speaker 04

  False. Paul Wallace from Houston, Texas.

• 1:14:48Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:14:49Speaker 04

  True. Cheeseburger Randy's serves milkshakes in the summer.

• 1:14:53Speaker 03

  Oh my God. My guy, Alex Warner. Everybody shout out Alex Warner. Um, I don't fucking know.

• 1:14:58Speaker 04

  True. False. The capital of Brazil is Rio de Janeiro.

• 1:15:04Speaker 03

  True. It's the big...

• 1:15:07Speaker 04

  False. False. It's Brasilia.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  Thanks for giving that to me.

• 1:15:10Speaker 04

  Saturn is the sixth planet from the sun.

• 1:15:13Speaker 03

  I don't, who do you think you're talking to here, man?

• 1:15:16Speaker 04

  True. It's true. Force equals mass times acceleration.

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:15:22Speaker 04

  True. The cube root of 216 is six. Jesus, Chance. The cube root of 216 is six.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:15:32Speaker 04

  I don't even know what cube root means. It's true. Blink 182 formed in San Diego, California.

• 1:15:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, true.

• 1:15:38Speaker 04

  False. Poway, California.

• 1:15:40Speaker 03

  Oh, but that's just right outside of San Diego, man. It's the desert. Poway, California.

• 1:15:45Speaker 04

  Poway.

• 1:15:45Speaker 03

  That's just, uh, okay, fine.

• 1:15:47Speaker 04

  Give it, give it to him and how do you do? Uh, if, if we're giving him that one, nine. Whoa.

• 1:15:53Speaker 03

  That's bad?

• 1:15:53Speaker 04

  No, it's close. All I needed was 10. You almost got there, brother.

• 1:15:56Speaker 03

  Well, I think the San Diego one is...

• 1:15:59Speaker 04

  We gave it to you.

• 1:16:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:16:00Speaker 04

  We gave it to you. That got you to nine.

• 1:16:01Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:16:01Speaker 04

  You got eight before that.

• 1:16:03Speaker 03

  Have you been to Gulf Shores?

• 1:16:04Speaker 04

  I've not been.

• 1:16:05Speaker 03

  How do you know about Lambert's?

• 1:16:06Speaker 04

  Brother.

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  They got one where you're from?

• 1:16:08Speaker 04

  Lambert, oh, Whitmer. But when I tell you, when I was at my fattest behavior, I mean, when I was at my fattest, both in terms of literally being fat and fattest in terms of behavior, like depression, Chance and I and our friends, we're going to, there's one about 25 minutes south of where we went to college in, uh, Branson, like near Branson, and we would go to Lambert's and fuck it up. We'd take 20 people in there. A lot of people don't know, if you ask for a second plate, they'll bring it to you.

• 1:16:36Speaker 03

  They don't give a shit.

• 1:16:37Speaker 04

  They will bring you, you go to Lambert's, I don't know if they still do this and I don't want to blow their spot up. You go to Lambert's and you go, I'm still hungry. They'll go, I will bring you another one.

• 1:16:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:16:44Speaker 04

  No charge.

• 1:16:45Speaker 03

  And by the way, here's a roll.

• 1:16:46Speaker 04

  Phew. They throw a roll at you. They fucking slap black beans on the table. They, they give you fucking okra. I would have the, my favorite order at Lambert's is the fried hog jowl. I would eat a whole plate of it and then I'd be like, bring her again, baby. And they bring me a 64 ounce mug of Coca-Cola.

• 1:17:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:17:06Speaker 04

  Like crazy fucking behavior.

• 1:17:08Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 1:17:08Speaker 04

  And I loved it and I couldn't, I would, anytime I could get someone to go down there with me, I'd eat there.

• 1:17:12Speaker 03

  I, I went, um, not long ago, almost kind of as a joke, cause I used to go there all the time as a kid. This place is trash. I've been living in LA now, eating at all these great restaurants. And it was just one of the best meals of my life.

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  It, it over-delivered.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:27Speaker 03

  And the vibes are sick and just, I, I bought merch and all that shit.

• 1:17:31Speaker 04

  I need some Lambert's merch. I fucking love Lambert's. I want to go again soon.

• 1:17:34Speaker 03

  Is there like a line?

• 1:17:36Speaker 04

  Oh yeah.

• 1:17:37Speaker 03

  Okay. Cause well, Branson is kind of a tourist town.

• 1:17:40Speaker 04

  Big time.

• 1:17:41Speaker 03

  I, when I was a kid, the girl who used to sneak into my bed naked at night, uh, beautiful dancer. She, uh, got, she quit high school because she got a job dancing at a magic show in Branson.

• 1:17:56Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 1:17:56Speaker 03

  And I remember thinking, he's gonna be a star.

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  I'm so jealous. Why didn't they ask me to come out there?

• 1:18:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:06Speaker 03

  And in my mind, I would be like, if I could just get to Branson.

• 1:18:12Speaker 03

  If I could just get to Branson.

• 1:18:14Speaker 04

  Bus to Branson, I'd be, I'd be the guy.

• 1:18:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd be the big guy there. It was like some guy named something Rocket, his magic show, but...

• 1:18:21Speaker 04

  I could just be a bald knobber or whatever the fuck the big show was in Branson. Wit, thanks so much for doing it.

• 1:18:27Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:18:27Speaker 04

  We got it. You want to tell people where they can find you and about your new special?

• 1:18:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can just look up Whitmer Thomas and all the things and, and follow them and like them and yeah. Go to Letterboxd and, and put some good review, like, uh, if, if you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say anything. But maybe make some good reviews and, and, and mention my family. And I just want to see, say like, I hope Whitmer's family is, is, uh, is reading this.

• 1:18:53Speaker 04

  Every, I'm, I'm begging you guys, please don't ever write something about me on Letterboxd, positive or otherwise. But go on Letterboxd right now and review Wit's latest special and write glowingly about his family. As many of you as possible, please do this and let's just see what happens.

• 1:19:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. And watch it on HBO. Terminal crew of dudes.

• 1:19:10Speaker 04

  Yeah. Hell yeah.

• 1:19:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:12Speaker 04

  Thanks dude.

• 1:19:13Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:19:14Speaker 00

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