Ontonio Kareem Lived a Double Life

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Ontonio Kareem! Ontonio and Caleb talk the similarities between their dads, Racial Visitation, Golden Corral, nepo babies, therapy, and much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Ontonio! @ontoniokareem Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Head to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE Get 80% off everything when you sign up as a VIP! Just head to Fabletics.com/sotrue, take a quick style quiz, and be sure to select sotrue when prompted to unlock your 80% off. Try Trü Frü! Blue bags with fruit found in the freezer aisle! So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 1:33Speaker 03

  Just the worst guy. Just living two different lives like I was in a black fraternity. Turned up, cool, and then I would sneak off and be with the white philosophers.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  Let me pop out when I want to pop out. Seriously, like, I'm trying to pop out twice a year, bro.

• 1:56Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:56Speaker 03

  Twice a year.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  You just, you did Fallon in the first, like, two weeks of the year. So you got one down. The rest of the year, you've got one more appearance.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll see y'all in June, man.

• 2:06Speaker 04

  It was Fallon, right?

• 2:07Speaker 03

  Fallon, yeah.

• 2:07Speaker 04

  I didn't make, I didn't make that up. You just did Fallon.

• 2:09Speaker 03

  Just did Fallon.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  How was it?

• 2:11Speaker 03

  It was great, man.

• 2:12Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 2:12Speaker 03

  It was great. My mom flew out, dad flew out.

• 2:14Speaker 04

  Cool.

• 2:15Speaker 03

  Two best friends flew out, man. I cried.

• 2:17Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was cool, man. I had a little beautiful moment, man, so it was fun.

• 2:22Speaker 04

  For a brief second, when you said mom flew out, dad flew out, two best friends, I thought you were referring to them as your two best friends, and I was like, I was about to cry.

• 2:31Speaker 04

  I was like, that must be the coolest thing in the world for them to hear.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  Ah, that would have been kind of cordial. I was just like, my two best friends.

• 2:36Speaker 04

  No, I would have loved that. Are you kidding me?

• 2:38Speaker 03

  No, man, it was, it was, uh, it was beautiful, dude. I had like hood niggas in Fallon's studio.

• 2:46Speaker 03

  Just two dreadheads in there, like, listening to Chief Keep. It was great, man.

• 2:49Speaker 04

  There's a, there's a feeling, a different feeling, but a similar one that I have as like a, I just grew up really poor in Missouri. So I'm often in these spaces and I'm like, we were never supposed to be in here.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  I know that about you, man. The one time I talked to you, like, we had a conversation on the street, you like got a hood reference out there, and I was like, Caleb, what the fuck?

• 3:10Speaker 03

  Like, we got mutual friends, and I'm like, Caleb really know about this shit, man? That was crazy.

• 3:14Speaker 04

  It's a funny thing. I never, like, there's a funny thing that happens a lot. I don't know if I've talked about it on here before or not. I've talked about it somewhere. But there's a funny thing that happens a lot where people that are not white will talk about, they'll be like, oh my god, growing up X, everybody knows Y. And, and a thing will be said that I'm like, it's not my business to engage in that, so I keep out of it. But a lot of those things, I'm like, oh, actually, we're talking about being poor.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, real talk.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  I like a lot of things, like, someone will be like, I had a friend in college once, and this was when I learned to, like, keep my mouth shut. They're like, oh my god, growing up Mexican, we always, I don't even remember what it was, but like something in the household. And I was like, oh, no, we had that too.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:50Speaker 04

  And they were like, oh, that's not really the point. And I was like, right, right, right, right.

• 3:54Speaker 04

  I was like, no, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad.

• 3:55Speaker 03

  Oh, me too.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, this isn't really for you, even if that's the case.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 04

  I was like, okay, no worries.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  Nah, let the poor whites tell you. Let the poor whites.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  Who's gonna think of the poor white people?

• 4:06Speaker 03

  We had a few poor whites in my neighborhood, man.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  Shout out Gage, man.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  Gage, what's up, dude?

• 4:13Speaker 03

  I'm shouting out Gage?

• 4:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, give Gage some love for once. You grew up in Chicago?

• 4:18Speaker 03

  I grew up in Chicago. I spent half the time in the city, like, south side and then south suburbs.

• 4:24Speaker 04

  So, half the time as in you moved, or half the time as in you were going back and forth?

• 4:27Speaker 03

  I was going, I was going to see my dad, and then I was going where I liked it, with my mom.

• 4:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Was dad in the city or mom in the city?

• 4:35Speaker 03

  Dad was in the city, mom was in the burbs.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  Gotcha.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  But the burbs were not good.

• 4:40Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 4:41Speaker 03

  I was in Chicago Heights, which is like

• 4:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  A terrible place.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it was, it was fun. It was ratchet.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:47Speaker 03

  It was good.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  Why did you like mom's house better than dad's house?

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Uh, resources?

• 4:55Speaker 04

  No, same. Going to my dad's house was war.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  Bro, my dad had one, just a loose couch.

• 5:01Speaker 04

  Uh, yes.

• 5:01Speaker 03

  I slept next to a weight bitch.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  I was like, dad, bro, even as a young kid, I'm like, we gotta get some decorating done, dawg. You can't just be sleeping like this.

• 5:10Speaker 04

  I'm telling you, my dad, go, same thing. My mom had a home with like, I had a room and it's where I lived. I went to my dad's house, he didn't, there was, he, he moved a lot, but there was a period of like, four years where he lived in one place. I didn't have a bedroom, so I slept in the kitchen.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  No.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  And you're thinking, you're thinking, oh, he put a bed in the kitchen? No. I slept on the floor in the kitchen.

• 5:29Speaker 03

  Pallets?

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Pa, like, like a, like a little, like, air mattress and a, uh, sleeping bag.

• 5:34Speaker 03

  Your pops alive?

• 5:35Speaker 04

  Uh, no, he's dead.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Okay, well.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  So, be nice.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  No, I'm kidding, you're, that's crazy!

• 5:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, dad, uh, dad.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  Well, who know, you know, who's to say? But, the, the thing is, it's not like he slept nice either. Like, he slept on like, uh, a really shitty, like, 20-year-old mattress they just happened to have. Like, he just didn't, all my dad wanted to do was like, play video games and drink.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  Damn, Caleb, we had the same daddy.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, what's, rock on, rock on.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, shout out.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, you know what?

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Man, my dad, it, it was just like that. We, as a kid, it was fun because we would wake up and my dad was obsessed with like, Kung Fu movies.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:14Speaker 03

  So, we would just wake up and watch Kung Pow.

• 6:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  All day.

• 6:17Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  I didn't know he was high until I got a little older. I was like, oh my-

• 6:22Speaker 04

  He's liking this way more than I am.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  I'm like, my dad fuck with this Kung Fu shit, bro. Just a high ass dude. Just with a little baby kid and we just watched Kung Fu and that was our relationship for like four or five years.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  That's sweet.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  It was, yeah, it was cool. He was fun. I mean, he's the reason I'm fun, I think.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Cause my mom was like, when you go, the repercussions of having a home and nice shit is that there's rules and regulations and shit.

• 6:50Speaker 04

  They go hand in hand.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  Which is unfortunate.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's really unfortunate to have rules.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I feel like you get to be ratchet around dad and then mom, you gotta fucking button up.

• 7:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  So I had that dichotomy. Wait, so your parents weren't together your whole?

• 7:04Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Oh, for real?

• 7:05Speaker 04

  They were, yeah, they worked at the same factory and my mom got broken up with or got out of a relationship and my dad was in a relationship with someone. They hooked up one time and she got pregnant with me.

• 7:18Speaker 03

  What?

• 7:19Speaker 04

  And then she was like, I'm gonna keep the kid and then I'm, I don't know if my dad said, please don't. But that was definitely the vibe was like, please do not have that kid.

• 7:27Speaker 03

  What are you doing?

• 7:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, he was like, for real? And she was like, yeah. My mom already had a kid. So she was like, fuck it, one more. And my dad was like, I'm not interested in being involved in that. And then he came back around, but.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  Oh, that's fine.

• 7:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  At least he came back around.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  You know what? That's how I feel. I'm like, good for him. He did the best he could.

• 7:44Speaker 03

  Hey, man, look, I'mma dip on my kids at some point. Nah, no, I'm not.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  Get the fuck out of there.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  I'm gonna need six months at least, fuck off time.

• 7:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Six months of me time. Get, let the kid figure things out with mom.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  He's fine, bro. Hopefully, I really hope I get to have nepo babies.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Black nepo babies, man. I really want that.

• 8:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 03

  I want my kids to be fucking just go anywhere y'all wanna fucking step around, shit on people, be jerks, bro.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  I worked this hard so my kids can be little assholes, man. That's what I want.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  I really do want that, man. Cause I feel like it's our turn to have that.

• 8:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:23Speaker 03

  Cause Jaden and them didn't do it well.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  No, they, Jaden, Jaden is, I find him so interesting because he's so, seems so melancholy about it. He seems pretty sad about the situation. I'm like, Jaden, he's always like crying and stuff. I'm like, life's pretty good, Jaden. What's going on?

• 8:42Speaker 03

  No.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  Every time he pops up, he's like weeping and saying, like his Instagram captions are like, "None of us make it out of this thing alive. Enjoy." And he's like teary eyed. I'm like, you're doing good, brother.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Jaden, stop crying, dude.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Nah, bro, what are you sad about, bro? You, that is the best point I've heard about.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  What's wrong?

• 9:06Speaker 03

  Bro, like just, just on a yacht, like, huh, man, what does it all mean?

• 9:10Speaker 04

  Brooding. Brooding on the super yacht.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I get that. No, I don't want no Jaden's. I want Willows, though.

• 9:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, she's cool.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  She's fire.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  And she's talented as hell.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  Her out, that little album, the brown album, when she got the Afro?

• 9:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:22Speaker 03

  I don't know what it is, but that's the best album I've heard in a long time.

• 9:26Speaker 04

  You can't deny it.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  She's a beast. And she, she be, she do the armpit hair. She out here living her best life.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Well, you know, she's talented. She's got the armpit hair.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, she does. She not shaving the legs. She free.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  I love it. I love to see it.

• 9:43Speaker 04

  And she seems happy. I like it for her.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  She does, yeah. Now, Jaden, my nigga, I'll come get you. Come give me a hug, dog.

• 9:49Speaker 04

  Let's hang out.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  We should get, you should get Jaden over here just to hug.

• 9:52Speaker 04

  I would hang out with him. He seems cool.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  He seems, yeah, he's, he's.

• 9:55Speaker 04

  He seems a little sad. I could cheer him up. We'll have fun.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  I think you could. You a cozy guy, man.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. We'll hang out. We'll have a good time. I'll, I'll remind him of how good his life is. I'll be like, relax. Everything's cool. Everything's handled.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  You tell him about the factory that your parents.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, my parents worked at a factory. I mean, I will say, actually, like, I think if I was born into extreme wealth and like perfect circumstances, I think I would be very sad. Like, I don't think, cause then what is there? I don't know. It just almost feels like your agency is removed. Like, it's just like, oh, you're set for life.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  I think it's just his parents.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, there's something going on.

• 10:27Speaker 03

  I think if, I think if we was born with just some nameless, faceless, rich people, we'd be fine. But.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  You got Will Smith in there. Fucking just dancing and rapping and shit. And they're like, my dad is a dork, bro. Will Smith has destroyed his legacy, dog.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, but the Red Table talks, long before the Oscars thing, things were slipping out. Things were slipping out.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  It was cracks, I don't know.

• 10:51Speaker 04

  Jay was saying things every once in a while that I was like, wait, what?

• 10:57Speaker 03

  So y'all had August in here?

• 10:58Speaker 04

  I was like, what?

• 10:59Speaker 03

  What?

• 11:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, she, you're right. Nobody's dissected this for real, for real. I feel like we talked about it on the surface, but it was cracks a long time ago, man.

• 11:08Speaker 04

  There were cracks. It would also be crazy, like, to watch your mom play that role and set it off. Like, can you imagine watching one of your parents play that role?

• 11:21Speaker 03

  No, bro.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  Like, that's crazy.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, just.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  Flip on the TV?

• 11:26Speaker 03

  Struggle braids.

• 11:27Speaker 04

  Like, truly, like, fucking, fucking the guy for the check. Ooh! Having a parent as an actor.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Tears while you holding on to them?

• 11:34Speaker 04

  Crazy.

• 11:37Speaker 04

  Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.

• 11:38Speaker 03

  And then your dad doing the Cabbage Patch on Nick.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  Doing the Running Man on Nick.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Your dad's a clean rapper.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  You gotta get school supplies, yeah.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Hey, Jay, now I understand why you're saying that.

• 11:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, you know what? I take it all back.

• 11:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, we understand.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  It makes sense.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  We got empathy for you, dog.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  Wait, is your dad, is your dad showing you Kung Fu movies how you got into Jiu Jitsu?

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Maybe.

• 12:06Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 12:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I have a stepdad who raised, pretty much raised me from three, but I think the shit my dad showed me, he was like a fucking, that was like the conspiracy theorist.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  Really?

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  He's the first guy?

• 12:20Speaker 03

  The first one, bro.

• 12:21Speaker 04

  He's the prime mover on conspiracy theories?

• 12:23Speaker 03

  The general, dog.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  This dude, man, I think he's the reason I'm kinda, cause my mom's just a black mom. She's just trying to make sure I'm like, successful. This dude, we would go to Bible study and we'll come back from Bible study and he'd be like, so what you think about Jacob's ladder? What do you think about that?

• 12:42Speaker 04

  The intensity of this impression, even?

• 12:44Speaker 03

  No, for real, bro. And, and you are six years old, bro. He'd be like, what you think about Jacob's ladder? And I'm like, I guess God showed him a beam of light. He was like, it was a spaceship.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  I'm like, yo, I'm trying to watch anime, dog. And then he'll flip and he'll go through it and be like, it says a wheel of fire. What does that remind you of? I'm like, aight, bro.

• 13:10Speaker 04

  Just a couch floating in an empty room at his house? Just sitting here down on.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  Dog, it was, it was a weird place to be at six, dog. And I would go to school and have to just pretend that I believed in God the same way everybody else did. Like, no, I think God has a flying saucer, dog.

• 13:29Speaker 04

  Yeah. Ever, you had to go to school with all these sheep?

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  That don't know the truth?

• 13:34Speaker 03

  They don't fucking get it, dog.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  Y'all fucking walking around here.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  You idiots.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  Fucking dumbass.

• 13:42Speaker 04

  I'm, I almost envy you guys.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, I wish I was ignorant, though.

• 13:45Speaker 04

  Cause you don't have to know what I know.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  Man, that's a big ass, yeah, he was just, he was OG flat earth, OG Anunnaki. You know the Anunnaki?

• 13:55Speaker 04

  No, what is that?

• 13:55Speaker 03

  Oh, Jesus.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  What is Anunnaki?

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. Alright. Oh, shit.

• 14:01Speaker 04

  Teach me, yeah, put me on.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  The Anunnaki is supposed to be this race of aliens that came, ah, this is, I'm.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah. I'm already interested. No, no, this has gotta go in.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Race of aliens that came, there's fourth dimensional aliens, right? They're meant to, they're basically angels. They're meant to watch over human beings. Some of them got a little spicy, came down here, made it with human women.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  Fuck.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  Created. She created, created giants. God didn't like that.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  Flooded earth.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  Noah.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, fuck.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  Then.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  And we know that happened.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Once he killed all the giants, the Anunnaki created this form of, from the remaining humans that were here, who were like savages.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  And planted their DNA into us, created this version of humans.

• 14:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, regular size.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, regular size.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Or fun size compared to knowing it.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, the giants, yeah.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  And that's where we think, like, our idea of.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  What we're worshiping is really like false gods. There's a one true god and then there's like these dimensional beings and that's what he like taught me.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  There I just.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  I flubbed that, but it is, that's the gist of it. It's like all the bibles, all the religions are based on these Anunnaki. Creatures, because that's why they all kind of follow the same storyline. So there's like these being like Thoth in Egypt is basically Jesus.

• 15:32Speaker 04

  Now I'm listening to you, but I want you to know, I just saw a painting in Madrid.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 15:37Speaker 04

  That, uh, it's called the Fall of the Giants. It was painted in 1636. I liked it so much that I took a picture of not only the painting, but also the little description. And I got in trouble because I didn't know you were supposed to take pictures. This woman comes over that works at the museum and she goes, she goes, Espanol or English? And I go, I go un poco Espanol, but English. And she goes, don't take pictures.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  Imperfect English?

• 15:59Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, she nailed it. Like it, like it might be the only sentence she knows in English other than Espanol or English. No, don't take pictures. But the description is, uh, Jordane's based himself on a small oil sketch by, uh, no, Brussels. Inhabitants of the earth, the giants aspired to reach the heavens and were consequently punished by the gods.

• 16:21Speaker 04

  Oh, Ovid narrated the episode in their fall, episode of their fall in book one of his metamorphoses. The giants attempted to take the celestial kingdom, piling mountains up to the distant stars. Then the all, okay, and then they got destroyed by lightning, but that, I've never heard of that. Oh, then they got destroyed by lightning. But I thought for a second, I was hoping reading the description, it would be like, uh, the same thing you were talking about.

• 16:42Speaker 03

  But it is, I think there's, there's, I believe there's some kind of truth to it, maybe. Like I do believe in other beings and dimensions and all of that, but I, I don't know if they were like, if it was a concerted effort to come down here and just fuck on people.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 03

  You know, but I do think there are stories of giants in every religion.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  It's so funny, every time that we like as humans think of other beings, like when we think of God or when we think of aliens, we always assign to them the same like stupid petty like base things that we have.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 04

  We're like, we're like, and then they ruin the earth because his lover cheated on him. It's like, I doubt that they're trafficking in that kind of shit.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  They not horny up there.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:29Speaker 04

  You think they're horny in the sky?

• 17:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, bro, fourth dimension. I think you get rid of horniness in the fourth dimension.

• 17:35Speaker 04

  God, I hope so.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 17:37Speaker 04

  What a curse it is.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  Sick of this shit.

• 17:40Speaker 04

  Being horny?

• 17:41Speaker 03

  It's ruining everything, though.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  No, I need to be put down like a sick dog.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, chop it. Honestly, let's get, we gotta evolve past this, bro.

• 17:52Speaker 04

  Horniness?

• 17:53Speaker 03

  Horniness.

• 17:53Speaker 04

  Get it out of here.

• 17:54Speaker 03

  Get it out of here. It's ruining my weeks.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, how so?

• 17:58Speaker 03

  I wanna get shit done. I'm like, maybe I should call.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  I'm trying to read Norwegian Wood and I'm like, maybe I, oof.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  You know what?

• 18:07Speaker 03

  Let me call up.

• 18:08Speaker 04

  I'm gonna call someone I have no business talking to.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  I don't even like this girl, but let me call up.

• 18:13Speaker 04

  That was, that was deeply honest, what you just said. That was deeply honest, cuz we do, I, I have tried to grow up a little bit. In my mid twenties, I would break things off with a guy that I was not interested in. And then I would get horny, you know, three weeks later and call him. And then, of course, like, yeah, we enjoyed hooking up, but that's so irresponsible and like mean to know that someone likes you more than you like them. And I, I have really tried to grow past, I almost did it two nights ago.

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, we getting, now we speaking the same.

• 18:47Speaker 04

  I'm, it's like difficult.

• 18:48Speaker 03

  We were the same guy, yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 04

  We're the same guy.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, we are.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  I have, I struggle to think of a difference.

• 18:54Speaker 03

  That's my thing. I, I think I like, I'm, I've grown past it too. Like, when I turned thirty, it kinda, it really shaved off a lot.

• 19:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  But I'm like, I can't use people to self soothe.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, fuck.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  It's like, yeah, I'm sorry.

• 19:09Speaker 04

  Fuck.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, we know we're supposed to. Serious time.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  Whoever needed to hear this, I guess. Damn, no, that's true.

• 19:15Speaker 03

  But yeah, so I'm trying to get away from that. But the horniness is a problem, man. It's like, it's like anything else. Like, I don't drink. I know you don't drink.

• 19:23Speaker 04

  No, not much.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  All the homies don't drink, really.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:25Speaker 03

  So, I need, uh...

• 19:27Speaker 04

  We need, you know what? We have a problem right now where cannabis, like weed hangout spots, like weed, like weed bars and stuff. It's not working. We need like a dive bar that does like cannabis drinks and let you smoke joints.

• 19:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, and but the, I think the vibe gotta be correct. They still trying to put the club vibe in the weed spot.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Cut it out.

• 19:50Speaker 03

  Cut it out.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  Get the grass wall out of here.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Get the fucking grass wall out of here.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  Get it out of here.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  Get the neon.

• 19:56Speaker 04

  The cursive neon.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  Get all that shit out of here, bro.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  Get the cursive neon the fuck out of here.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  I need water running over rocks.

• 20:05Speaker 04

  Yes!

• 20:07Speaker 03

  I need some smooth shit. Play the Charlie XCX. We can play some Tane.

• 20:10Speaker 04

  Give me one of those little gardens where I rake the sand in a pattern. What are those called? The most obvious name, dumbass.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  Let me rake the garden, bro.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  Let me rake the gardens.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Yes, bro, like, let's, it gotta be a vibe, like, every smoke spot, a weed comedy show, you been one of those?

• 20:29Speaker 04

  No.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  It's, oh, Caleb, thank God.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Is it bad?

• 20:32Speaker 03

  Ass.

• 20:33Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  Nobody really wants to be laugh, if I don't know you, I don't want to be laughing around you while I'm high. You ever tried to laugh with a stranger when you was high?

• 20:43Speaker 04

  What's fucking funny?

• 20:44Speaker 03

  Dude, are you fucking laughing around me, bro? I will fuck you up.

• 20:49Speaker 04

  The audience is high and you're high?

• 20:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, the worst combination. Cause then you start doing your little, like, inner monologue references.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  And that ain't for everybody.

• 20:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm, I'm like doing memes from Instagram on stage and people like...

• 21:04Speaker 04

  It's like, alright, this guy did not write a single joke.

• 21:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  Now he's just like, a high brain is taking him somewhere else.

• 21:10Speaker 00

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• 22:38Speaker 04

  I have never been, uh, it was a kind of an interesting thing I noticed in Chi- I've never been high or drunk on stage.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  What?

• 22:46Speaker 04

  Ever once in my life.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  Never.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  Never. And I never, I always, I guess I, I'm not opposed to it for other people. Everyone do your thing. I'm opposed to it for me, but I-

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Nobody do they thing.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  People, no, don't do your thing, don't do your thing.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  It's bad.

• 22:58Speaker 04

  Everyone do my thing.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  I noticed in Chicago, like, when I first got there, everyone was, like, a lot of people were getting, like, ripped to do improv. And I was like, you have to be drunk to do improv?

• 23:09Speaker 03

  Doing that on improv is scary.

• 23:11Speaker 04

  Crazy.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  I can't be under the influence for improv.

• 23:13Speaker 04

  No, I can't be, I don't want to be high on stage because I need to be so, like, I need to be so locked in. Partially, this is because I bet people are better at it, uh, because if people have really tight jokes that are, like, very memorized to the word, that's not my style. I bet that's easier under the influence because it's just in your body.

• 23:31Speaker 03

  A hundred percent.

• 23:32Speaker 04

  I'm very, like, shifting things around all the time and taking off ramps and picking new, like, I need to be, like, actually cognitively present. But if you don't, I bet it's a lot of fun.

• 23:42Speaker 03

  I'm sure it is. Like, the, the white boys I've seen that are very much, like, drunk and then- They be fucked up on stage, but they just reading a book, basically.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, they have like rote memorization and they are just regurgitating.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:57Speaker 04

  Which is a cool, I think it's a cool skill. It's just not the way I do it.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  I wish, I actually wish I had that.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  A little bit. I wish my pen was a little bit more fucking college APA style a little bit. But me, I feel like me and you are vibes. We get up there like, and we got jokes, but it's like, we flowing.

• 24:15Speaker 04

  I'm curating.

• 24:16Speaker 03

  And if I'm high, I'm up there like, are everybody okay? It's okay?

• 24:22Speaker 04

  That's the counselor in you.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 24:24Speaker 04

  That's the therapist in you.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  I wish that guy would get out of here.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Get him out of here.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  All the empathy is still there.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Get him out of here.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  Get the counselor guy gone, man.

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Are you still doing that?

• 24:32Speaker 03

  No, we've.

• 24:33Speaker 04

  That's what I thought.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  Finally done.

• 24:34Speaker 04

  That's, that's in the past.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  But yeah, it's like four, five months out from nine to five.

• 24:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. But I miss, I genuinely like doing it, man. I really do. Like, I wish, I think I'll start an organization and kind of bird's eye it now.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  I don't want to be on the ground no more, bud.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  I'm not an infantry man. I need general work.

• 24:55Speaker 03

  Don't send me frontline no more. These kids, I love y'all, but y'all, I hope y'all doing well, man. But it's a lost cause.

• 25:03Speaker 04

  You were a children's counselor.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, for a long time, man.

• 25:07Speaker 04

  How'd you get into that?

• 25:10Speaker 03

  I went to college to be a neuroscientist.

• 25:13Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. U Chicago, right?

• 25:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, UIC, then grad school, U Chicago.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 25:17Speaker 03

  Uh, quickly realized, I'm not fucking operating on nobody's brain, dog. I got to organic chemistry. I'm like, alright.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna be in the OR.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  I'm high in organic chemistry, like, yeah, okay, cool. And then I switched to psychology and I got really into that. And I was like, at one point, doing philosophy and all this, boy, I was a dickhead in college, bro.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  Really?

• 25:40Speaker 03

  Just the worst guy. Just living two different lives, like I was in a black fraternity, turned up, cool. And then I would sneak off and be with the white philosophers.

• 25:53Speaker 03

  I was tripping, man. But, um, I realized like, I wanted to come back.

• 25:59Speaker 04

  Sneak, sneaking off to hang out with white people is so fucking funny. To, to like secretly hang out with white nerds is so funny.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  Hey, bro, anybody who know me knows that's my existence, bro. Like, I sneak off and hang with y'all, bro. I love y'all, man. I ain't gonna lie.

• 26:16Speaker 04

  But it needs to be a secret.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, it does, yeah.

• 26:19Speaker 04

  That is so fucking funny.

• 26:20Speaker 03

  It was so fu- like legit in like, like fraternity parties, like doing our frat shit and then like sneak on and be like, "Did you read, um, Meditations?" "Oh, it's great." Having dialect with people, this is fun, but I, I realized I wanted to like go back to Chicago and kind of change. I had that idea, like, I'mma change the hood, I'mma, we gonna do it, man, we gonna get the kids together. First job, I was like, "Oh, we can't get these people, we can't."

• 26:51Speaker 04

  It's not happening.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  It's not happening with me.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 03

  Maybe if I get enough money, maybe I could throw money at it, but at this point, yeah, it was, um, but I, I did it for a long time and I, I really enjoy it. The kids fuck with me because I'm not like going by the book. I would like come in and it would be like this, and eventually you do that enough with a kid, they'll tell you what's going on, you know what I'm saying? And then you can work from there, but it's trust really, trust is everything when you come, when it comes to trauma for me.

• 27:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, so.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  That makes sense. What fraternity were you in?

• 27:26Speaker 03

  Alpha Phi Alpha, man.

• 27:28Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 27:28Speaker 03

  Yes, bro, the first.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  I got in so much trouble one day. My friend who was in a black fraternity, uh, Chance, you remember this?

• 27:39Speaker 04

  Chance went to college, we went to college together.

• 27:41Speaker 03

  Where'd y'all go?

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Uh, Missouri State.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Missouri, okay.

• 27:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I, we were at like a tailgate for a football game and I was in a, a fraternity and, uh, we had like a hand, a joke, like a silly hand signal that we like made up. It wasn't like a, it wasn't an official organizational thing for us. And you know, the black fraternities have their stuff and I was asking my buddy, I was like, "Wait, what? I can't remember what y'all's thing is." And he was like, I was like, "What's your guys' like hand sign?" And he showed me. And then I was like, I was like, "Oh, it's like this," and I went to do it. And he, and he, he literally grabs my hands, throws them down, it's like, "You're fucking crazy."

• 28:20Speaker 04

  And I was like, "Why?" He was like, "You'll get both of our asses, man, put that down."

• 28:25Speaker 03

  We had opposites, I was sneaking off with the whites fraternity. You was sneaking off.

• 28:32Speaker 04

  I was like, oh, my bad.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  No, it's serious, dawg.

• 28:36Speaker 04

  It's very serious.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  We gotta calm down, though. We, but it is.

• 28:40Speaker 04

  That's not my business, but I was very, I was very upset the whole day. I was like, fuck.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  I screwed it up.

• 28:45Speaker 04

  I was like, I'm in trouble. Yeah.

• 28:47Speaker 03

  You were in trouble.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  I was in trouble.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  I've seen people get beat up about it, man. It's, it's bad out here.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think I had enough goodwill to get away with it for two, two seconds, and that's about it. The third second, we would have both gotten our asses kicked for that. But it was, I, I learned, I learned a lot that day.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, it's that serious. It's like, so the thing is, is like, black fraternities are different than, like, I don't know what your fraternity is, but it's like.

• 29:11Speaker 04

  I was, mine was not a historically black fraternity.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Yeah. I don't know if you guessed that.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kinda guessed.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  There are some, there's always like one or two white guys.

• 29:19Speaker 03

  Shout out Brendan, man.

• 29:20Speaker 04

  Right, exactly.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  Exactly, exactly.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's, uh, it's just, we take it a little bit more serious, cause it's like, we needed the fraternities.

• 29:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  And colleges and all of that. It's historical, whatever. I keep making it so serious, but it is serious.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  So it was like, yeah, I'm glad he smacked your hands.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  There was no part of me that argued with it. The only thing I thought was, why didn't I think of that?

• 29:44Speaker 03

  Oh, that would have been funnier if you did. Well, what?

• 29:49Speaker 03

  I've seen white dudes do that.

• 29:50Speaker 04

  Do what?

• 29:51Speaker 03

  I've seen white dudes try to stroll. Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's get into it.

• 29:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, we really are such a humiliating, that's, that's humiliating to hear.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  It's bad, man. It's so, but it's, I don't know why sometimes it'd be endearing a little bit, and then you'd be like, I cut that off. I'm like, no, this dude's a fucking dumbass.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  It's not, it's, what, I mean, yeah, I mean, I obviously can't say if it's endearing or not, it's not my place, but I do think the, the note that I would give a lot of white people is like, everyone that you want to like you will like you more if you just do your thing.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  No, say that to the, bro.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  We put piano music behind this.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Dog, white dudes gotta understand, and this is crazy that they don't notice already, but like, we just want y'all to be wacky whites, bro.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  Please.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Just be, oh my God, we love it when y'all just be white.

• 30:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  It's fun, you come up fucking, and that, that's the stereotype of white people, but like, when a white dude's like, I have no idea what you're talking about.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Yes, you go. Thank you, bro.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  That's what we want, man. Stop trying to mesh everything up. Like, let it be separate, man.

• 31:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it's like, the, I, the, the heart of it, I know, is, is that, the, the genuine heart, I know so many white people like this, and I'm like, your heart is that you want this, uh, this black person, or this Mexican person, or this Asian person, to know that you, you're like, I like you, and, and I wanna be friends. But, yeah, like, most people just want you to be authentically yourself.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  And that will get you so much further than trying to, like, imitate, like, and also, if your truth is, yeah, I think the truth is the thing. If your truth is that you actually grew up in, uh, a non-white neighborhood, and you have a lot of the same, like, experiences and ideas and culture, then, then that's your truth.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  And we can tell. It's like, one of my favorite rappers is a, well, no, she's not my favorite.

• 31:49Speaker 04

  Let me, hold on, let me calm down.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  Wow, I'm getting out of hand, dawg.

• 31:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  A good rapper right now is this white girl from Indiana.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  Georgiana. Have you heard of this lady?

• 31:58Speaker 04

  Georgiana, is she the?

• 31:59Speaker 03

  She's terrible at rapping.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 32:00Speaker 03

  But she's doing it honestly. Like, you can tell she just love to rap as this little white lady. She like, huh? Most of her aliens are just her doing it. She's like, what?

• 32:11Speaker 04

  She's confused as hell, yeah.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  But she killing it. And it's like, do that, man. I'm okay with that. Like, I'm not, I don't wanna mesh cultures, honestly. I'm cool with, y'all can, we can come, we can visitation.

• 32:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, visitation.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  We can have racial visitation.

• 32:25Speaker 04

  Visit, racial visitation is, needs to be the name of something immediately. A special, uh, a, a nonprofit, a 501(c)(3). Racial visitation needs to be something immediately.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  A hundred percent. Let's get racial visitation fucking popping, bro.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  Racial visitation, honestly, we're, we're gonna start racial, it's a podcast.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  Racial visitation is our podcast.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  Once, uh, episode every six months. Just to check in.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Just check in. How are things with you?

• 32:52Speaker 03

  Oh, it's great, man.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  What have you been watching and listening to?

• 32:55Speaker 03

  Let's share, let's share.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  That is so funny.

• 32:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, man, so I, I feel like that's the, for, for the whites, I guess, y'all just keep doing y'all thing.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  You know, white people, white people, if you need anything, reach out. Let me know how I can help. Let me know how I can get you to not be strolling. I don't, that is so humiliating.

• 33:13Speaker 03

  That's what I was talking about.

• 33:14Speaker 04

  That is what we got here.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  That guy. Yeah, it's, um... Cause they see you just having a good time. Cause we are having fun struggling and we getting all the girls and then they fucking.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  Please.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  And you can't really beat his ass. You just gotta like mush him and pat him.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, not mush.

• 33:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:36Speaker 04

  He has a face mush.

• 33:37Speaker 03

  We was, yeah.

• 33:39Speaker 04

  That is so funny.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  Damn, man, so.

• 33:44Speaker 04

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• 36:24Speaker 04

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• 37:06Speaker 04

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• 37:16Speaker 04

  Brendan, who you shouted out.

• 37:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 04

  What was the haircut?

• 37:19Speaker 03

  Oh, that's so funny. He came in with the white, the coiff.

• 37:23Speaker 04

  No.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  He came in, coiffed it, left with a fade.

• 37:26Speaker 04

  I knew it.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  He's faded now.

• 37:28Speaker 04

  I knew it. And did he, oh, no, there's no chance he did. He didn't have red hair. No. Not a white guy with a fade on red hair. That's the classic one.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  Brendan had, he was a dirty blonde. Or what is it called?

• 37:41Speaker 04

  Strawberry blonde?

• 37:42Speaker 03

  Dirty blonde is crazy.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  Wow. I know Brendan. I've met him in many lifetimes.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Brendan was very much.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Social justice.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  Shout out to him, man. He's a good guy.

• 37:53Speaker 04

  The first time I met a white guy like that was, he was a line cook at Applebee's.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  Oh, that's, the line cook to black fraternity.

• 37:59Speaker 04

  It's not a joke.

• 38:04Speaker 04

  It's not a joke. And I really liked him. I was a host there. And he was like 10 years older than me and he ran that kitchen like the goddamn Navy.

• 38:11Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  And I was like, I like that guy.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Wait, that was your first job?

• 38:14Speaker 04

  No, my first job was at a Golden Corral.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 38:17Speaker 04

  I, they, I got, I will say, I, I got there, I was supposed to be just working the cash register. And then I showed up on day one and they're like, you're also going to decorate the cakes. And I was like, oh.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  You can't go cake.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  I said, oh, that felt, because I was not out of the closet, but I was like, that felt a little homophobic. They saw something in me. They said, you'll do the cakes. And I did. I decorated the fuck out of those cakes.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Oh, well, then they was right.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  Putting the little carrots on the carrot cake.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  They saw the talent in you.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  Dude, I was, because I don't know if anyone's ever eaten a Golden Corral. Every slice of carrot cake in the, in Golden Corral has a little tiny carrot design on it and frosting.

• 38:52Speaker 03

  That's beautiful.

• 38:52Speaker 04

  I was going crazy on those things.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  Also, Golden Corral, best cinnamon rolls on the planet.

• 38:58Speaker 04

  Thank you for saying that.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:59Speaker 04

  Golden Corral Bourbon Street Chicken.

• 39:01Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  Is something so special and powerful to me, to this day.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  I went to a Golden Corral in Springfield, Illinois, bro.

• 39:09Speaker 04

  Let's go.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  When they took us on the Lincoln exhibit, shout out eighth grade.

• 39:15Speaker 04

  Shout out Abe Lincoln.

• 39:17Speaker 03

  Nah, he, whatever.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  This isn't about, this is about Golden Corral.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  Bro, I've never had a cinnamon roll that fucking good in my fucking life.

• 39:26Speaker 04

  Special things are happening at Golden Corral.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Are they still, they still around?

• 39:29Speaker 04

  Oh, they're around.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  Oh, we should hit that up.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  The what, dude, I, I would love to go to Golden Corral. I mean, last time we were on tour, I made everyone stop at a Golden Corral.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  We should get the squad together.

• 39:39Speaker 04

  Let's go to a, what is the nearest Golden Corral to New York City, Chance?

• 39:42Speaker 05

  I'm looking it up.

• 39:42Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Oh my god, I took the homies, all the New York people that lived here their whole life, they'd never been to Cracker Barrel.

• 39:49Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  There's one in the Bronx.

• 39:51Speaker 04

  There's a Golden Corral in the Bronx?

• 39:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, Van Nest.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 39:54Speaker 03

  I don't know about that.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  I'm wondering how I would be received up there. If I, if my fat ass walked into the Golden Corral in the Bronx, if they'd be like, hey, there's a limit. Don't, don't come up here and be crazy.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  I know offense to the Bronx, I don't think they got the spirit for a Golden Corral.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  It need, I don't know if they have the space. There, a Golden Corral needs a certain level of space to radiate the energy that it needs to have.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  That is true. Every Golden Corral is like a palace.

• 40:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  It, you see it shining, it's like one thing, there's nothing else around.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Forty car parking, you need forty, you need like a four hundred car parking lot.

• 40:27Speaker 03

  And a moat in front.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  Yes. Legitimately.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  Legit. Wait, hold on. Nah, we got, so I drove the homies that never, we drove out of the city to go to Cracker Barrel.

• 40:39Speaker 04

  Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel is Chance's favorite restaurant. He loves to stop at a Cracker Barrel. And you know what, Michelle, who's not here right now, Michelle, I learned, only after hiring her, I might not have, if I had known, she also loves Cracker Barrel, and her goal is to eat at like every one of them in the country. And now I'm terrified for when we go on tour next, because I'm gonna be outnumbered.

• 40:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. Okay, not every, she trying to go to everyone?

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Now, does she mean it? I don't know, but she loves a Cracker Barrel.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna lie, Cracker Barrel, I put up with whatever's going on in there.

• 41:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  I walk in, I'm like, yep, yep, mm-hmm. Y'all don't like that I'm here? Yep, yep, yep. Serve me up, yo.

• 41:20Speaker 04

  What are you getting in there?

• 41:22Speaker 03

  I'm going, I'm doing the casserole.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  Casserole?

• 41:25Speaker 03

  They got this has brown ca- has brown casserole?

• 41:28Speaker 04

  I didn't even know about this, I don't think.

• 41:29Speaker 03

  Oh my god, it's cheese in there, they seasoning it up? Oh, we gotta go, bro. We need a Golden Corral and a Cracker Barrel. Has brown casserole, steak tips.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  They soak them in but- garlic butter.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  And then I'm snob for, uh, French toast. I genuinely am scouring the country for the best French toast.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  Let's go to Cracker Barrel.

• 41:52Speaker 03

  A hundred percent.

• 41:53Speaker 04

  I wonder what the best French toast I've ever had is? I know I've had some good ones. I can't remember where the best one I've had is, but I'm gonna think. Actually, have you ever had a French toast with a, I don't remember the place I had this most recently, but sometimes they'll serve French toast with like, um, an orange cream, like, uh, glaze kinda thing?

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  That, to me, is very special.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Little Goat in Chicago.

• 42:14Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 42:14Speaker 03

  Best French toast on the planet, yo.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  The, so they do the OG maple syrup, they chop up the strawberries, but then what they do, little crunches of chicken, fried chicken. Crunch, little popcorn chicken.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  On top?

• 42:28Speaker 03

  Sprinkled on it.

• 42:30Speaker 04

  Woo! Yeah, that's really special to me.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Oh, I cried in that joint, bro.

• 42:33Speaker 04

  That's really special, I cried.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  I was dapping everybody up. They like, fuck it. What the fuck is wrong with you?

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, alright, yeah.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  Okay, bro.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 42:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that's, that's my bag right there.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  Wait, I have a question for you. You, okay, so we're done, child therapy, forget the kids, they're, we're not worrying about them anymore. Comedy full time?

• 42:54Speaker 03

  Full time, baby.

• 42:55Speaker 04

  How's it going?

• 42:56Speaker 03

  Oh, really good.

• 42:57Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 42:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:58Speaker 04

  Are you good with the free, okay, this is my question, yeah, okay. Me neither.

• 43:02Speaker 03

  No.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  I thought, my whole early twenties teens, when I was working all the time, I thought, man, once I have free time, it's over for everybody. I'll write a movie a day, I'll write my, I'll write new jokes, I, I just was like, I'll do, and I can't, I cannot get myself to use my free time.

• 43:18Speaker 03

  I'm not disciplined, I, I wake up at 3:30.

• 43:23Speaker 04

  PM?

• 43:24Speaker 03

  Some days.

• 43:27Speaker 03

  I wake up at 3:30 in a huff and a daze. Rush to the coffee shop.

• 43:32Speaker 04

  No, coffee, you need to go get dinner.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  I'm still acclimating to, cause you know, I've worked nine to fives. I'm like, the first few months, I was just like, I'm waking up when the fuck I wanna wake up. I don't give a fuck.

• 43:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:45Speaker 03

  Now, I'm to 11 now.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's really good.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, 11.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  I mean that.

• 43:50Speaker 03

  I still hit the gym, I still do what I gotta do, but it's late, you know?

• 43:53Speaker 04

  That makes sense to me. I mean, also, if you're doing a lot of, I, a lot of comics do that. I know that a lot of comics do this. I had so many comics are sleeping as late as they possibly can in the day cause they're gonna do a 2 AM spot at wherever the fuck.

• 44:05Speaker 03

  100%. But what you're saying is, I always thought, I'm sitting in my nine to five, like, doing a session with a kid. They leave out, I do my notes for the kid and I'm rushing to write jokes or thinking about it. I felt way more creative during the nine to five days, honestly.

• 44:21Speaker 04

  Actually same, and it's been really distressing to me.

• 44:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  Because I hated my, I hated my days then. I liked my life, but I hated, I hated having to be somewhere. I have a real problem with authority. It's like the most identifying thing about me.

• 44:33Speaker 03

  100%.

• 44:34Speaker 04

  I don't like, I don't even like when I tell me what to do. Like, I resent being told what to do.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  So we gotta go to the gym? I'm telling myself, fuck you, dude.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  You're gonna tell me to write jokes?

• 44:42Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 44:42Speaker 04

  Fuck me.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  We'll see.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  Ah, fuck you to me. I hate, like, I hate being told what to do.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  I'm with you. Are you, when's your birthday?

• 44:50Speaker 04

  I'm, uh, it's this week.

• 44:52Speaker 03

  Oh shit, happy birthday, dawg.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  You come to my birthday party?

• 44:54Speaker 03

  Now?

• 44:55Speaker 04

  Are you one of my close friends?

• 44:56Speaker 03

  No.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  Yes, you are.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Am I?

• 44:58Speaker 04

  You gotta be. Antonio, you have to be one of my close friends.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  If I better be on that close friends, man.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  If I check right now and you're not, how embarrassed will I be?

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Oh my god, I'm telling.

• 45:06Speaker 04

  Yes, Saturday night. What are you doing Saturday night?

• 45:07Speaker 03

  I'm at your party.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  This won't be out by then, so I feel very comfortable, uh, wait, Antonio.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll be there.

• 45:17Speaker 04

  Well, a problem has been remedied.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  Okay, there we go.

• 45:23Speaker 04

  Don't worry, something just got fixed. It's a costume party.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm with that.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  You gotta get a costume.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  What's the, what's the thing?

• 45:29Speaker 04

  There's, it's like Halloween, no theme. The only thing I will tell you is, it's so funny, because Nori Reed was in here. You know Nori?

• 45:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  Nori Reed, she was in here yesterday, hanging out, and she told me her costume idea. And she was like, she was like, "Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna wear just like a dress." And I was like, "It's not gonna cut it." Like, you can't, you can't, you can't phone it in on the birthday. And then I posted a close friends story, being like, "Hey, everybody, Nori just told me that she was planning on wearing a dress at the party. There's several days before the party, I just want to let anyone else planning on phoning it in to know, like, you have time to make a different choice." People start DMing me, I'm getting DMs. Someone messaged me and said, "Two nights ago, I had a nightmare that my costume flopped."

• 46:07Speaker 03

  You run a tight ship then, bro.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  I'm creating a culture of fear at the birthday party.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  People come in and shaking.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  People, "Is my costume good enough?"

• 46:14Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, so I, I gotta lock in. Now I'm scared to be on the close friends, right?

• 46:19Speaker 04

  No, it's scary. When you get on close friends, you start out in trouble and work your way out.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  I gotta get my shit together.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  No, the way I put it is like, I'm so serious about the costume. It's an open bar, there's a great DJ, like, it's gonna be a great night.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Vibes.

• 46:34Speaker 04

  The way I put it is, if you're planning on coming as like Jake from State Farm, that shit pisses me off. If you could walk down the street and someone wouldn't know you're in costume, you know as well as I do that you phoned it in.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I wouldn't do that to you.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  I know you wouldn't.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  No.

• 46:49Speaker 04

  That's not you. But I, you definitely need to come.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  I will be there.

• 46:52Speaker 04

  Come have fun, it's gonna be, and I, what I, here's what I'm gonna tell you. It's supposed to be seven degrees on Saturday. I am already anticipating the texts I'll get on Sunday. They're like, "Hey, so sorry." You know, a pipe burst, no it didn't.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  "It was cold and you didn't want to do the Uber." And I'm already, I'm prepared, I'm preparing myself to be gracious.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  I'll tell you one thing, bro, I get creative with those excuses.

• 47:14Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  To the homies.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 47:16Speaker 04

  You wouldn't believe the things I can come up with.

• 47:18Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, we get in the mud, dawg.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  I'm doing more creative writing there than I am on my set.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  My best writing is in them, them text messages.

• 47:30Speaker 03

  I'm going to town, man.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  I'm not going just grandma.

• 47:34Speaker 04

  No.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  It ain't grandma.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  No, grandma's healthy.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm pulling up pics, I broke my finger. I broke my finger for real like five years ago.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  I still got the picture.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  Please. Not, you're gonna be using that picture when your hands don't even look like that anymore.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  But I'm like, it's only dislocated, so we chilling.

• 47:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  But I'm sorry.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  Don't worry about me. Yeah, that's the thing is you have to come up with something severe enough that your absence is excused.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  But not so severe that they start sending flowers.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  Uh huh. But I, I am in that thesaurus though.

• 48:04Speaker 04

  You, in the thesaurus?

• 48:05Speaker 03

  I'm using them words.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:07Speaker 03

  This, ah, this bequeaths me to.

• 48:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. Indubitably, I have encountered.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  Oh my goodness, man.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  But I won't hit you with that.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  We gonna be.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  I, I feel that you'll come through. And it's gonna be, it's gonna be very fun. And you're single?

• 48:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  There's gonna be, let, let me tell you something.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  Antonio? You can't think of a better room in the country to be in than a party that I'm throwing if you're a single straight man.

• 48:34Speaker 03

  Kayla, we run, somehow we run in the same circle a little bit.

• 48:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:40Speaker 03

  We have adjacent circles.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  I've been in those rooms with you and your people. It's, I was not single the first time, but this time I'm gonna have some fun.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  Kayla, I'm ready for this.

• 48:52Speaker 04

  That's, this is what I'm, you're gonna have a very fun night. I, my friend, I might, I guess I won't name him, maybe I would embarrass him. I have a, a single straight guy friend who's a, a very talented musician. At the party last year, every once in a while, I would cock my head and find him and he would be in a corner.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  Just kidding.

• 49:09Speaker 04

  These girls are, he's like, there's a member of the Blue Man Group trying to get his number. You know what I mean? Like, he is just like cornered.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  Crawling up the wall.

• 49:17Speaker 04

  Truly. These girls are fural because when, I, straight women don't get, we don't talk enough about how these women are fural.

• 49:25Speaker 03

  Freaks.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  Freaks.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  So I, the, the Fallon shit, man.

• 49:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  My DMs look like Mardi Gras right now.

• 49:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. People don't talk about, and I think I'm the only man that can talk about it.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  I love it and I'm so, y'all, these girls, man, they wildin'. It's bad.

• 49:44Speaker 04

  When was your last relationship? Because now I'm trying to get to the bottom of what's going on with you.

• 49:49Speaker 03

  We can get to the bottom.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  I'll tell you, here's the deal. You're a conventionally attractive, very funny, uh, child therapist. Who's a comedian that also dresses well. You have good style.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 50:00Speaker 04

  And you're a nice guy. So I'm like, either you're a serial killer.

• 50:03Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  Or every woman in the world is really bad at dating, but something is going on.

• 50:08Speaker 03

  I'm not a serial. That is a pipeline, though.

• 50:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  All the, all the attributes.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  He's murdering people.

• 50:16Speaker 04

  Are there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:17Speaker 03

  I got empathy, so I'm not murdering people.

• 50:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:19Speaker 03

  I'm a hoe, Caleb.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  That's a problem. See, that's what it is.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  That's what it is.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  When are you gonna settle down?

• 50:25Speaker 03

  I don't, oh, Caleb.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  How long are you gonna do this?

• 50:28Speaker 03

  I don't know. It's, it's, uh, about three more years.

• 50:32Speaker 04

  You think so?

• 50:33Speaker 03

  No, no, no. I. That was a joke. It felt sincere, though.

• 50:38Speaker 04

  Immediately backing off of that. About three more years? You think so? No, no, no, no.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  The thing is, Caleb, I truthfully, and I am that. I wanna be, I wanna have a family and all that shit, but it's, I got that thing in me, man.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:51Speaker 03

  I got that hunger.

• 50:52Speaker 04

  I have that darkness. That darkness that says, keep looking.

• 50:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna settle down. I think I have this ideal woman in mind.

• 51:02Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 51:03Speaker 03

  And that's the problem. You shouldn't be walking around with too much of an ideal.

• 51:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Of something. You should let that, whatever's for you, come to you naturally. Instead of projecting out. It should just let, you should let the thing come to you. So I'm trying to work on that. And I got shit, shit I need to work on before I can like really be with a girl. That was the problem with the last relationship.

• 51:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:25Speaker 03

  Like, I couldn't, I couldn't.

• 51:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's too much.

• 51:30Speaker 04

  Damn, you, that is some male hoe. That, that sentence was so convincing and rehearsed. You, you are a male hoe. That, that like, no, I've got my own stuff that I need to work on before I can.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  It's not true, yo. Hey, no, stop, stop, stop, stop.

• 51:45Speaker 04

  It's not you. It's not you.

• 51:47Speaker 03

  I'll fuck with you.

• 51:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. When I figure my stuff out, like, who knows what we could be?

• 51:52Speaker 03

  That's the problem. And that's, that's the thing. That was my little topic I was gonna tell you. You can't be authentic and attractive.

• 51:58Speaker 04

  This is what's so true to you?

• 51:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:59Speaker 04

  You can't be authentic and attractive.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  Be like authen- it's annoying.

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, what do you mean by that?

• 52:05Speaker 03

  Like, I am myself.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:07Speaker 03

  People, but people always think I'm faking.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  People think I'm like, this is a character.

• 52:11Speaker 04

  You being like a nice guy.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Me being a good person.

• 52:17Speaker 03

  They hate that shit, bro. Like, you don't hate it, and the homies don't hate it.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  No, yeah, we're buddies.

• 52:22Speaker 03

  But, but most people are like, you fucking shut the fuck up, nigga. Oh, you work with kids?

• 52:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Oh, you got things you gotta work on? Fuck my dick.

• 52:32Speaker 04

  I can't, if I was a straight guy and I was out in the market competing with you, I would kill you.

• 52:39Speaker 04

  I would be, I would be in the comments of every video you posted being like, didn't laugh once.

• 52:42Speaker 03

  Yes, bro, they are.

• 52:43Speaker 04

  Fuck this guy.

• 52:44Speaker 03

  Dude, I'm, I'm in war, bro. I'm at war. It's bad out there.

• 52:48Speaker 04

  That must be really hard.

• 52:49Speaker 03

  No, it's not.

• 52:50Speaker 04

  No, come on, it's hard.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  Caleb, stop.

• 52:54Speaker 03

  It's not hard at all. It's just, it is the truth, though. Like, people don't like that shit.

• 52:58Speaker 04

  I feel that.

• 52:59Speaker 03

  Like, I'm gonna continue to, I kinda like.

• 53:02Speaker 04

  You like being the villain?

• 53:04Speaker 03

  I think I'm learning to. It, it was hard at, at first, cuz I am a nice guy.

• 53:08Speaker 04

  I've only ever heard people talk positively about you, though. Do, you don't think there's like a, you don't think there's like a genuine, I understand what you're saying. It's, we're halfway being silly, but also it's kind of true.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:18Speaker 04

  But you don't think there's like a genuine opposition to you, do you? Like, you don't think people are actually annoyed with you?

• 53:23Speaker 03

  No, no, no. It's play, I think it's more so like a tongue-in-cheek type thing.

• 53:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, people are like, mm.

• 53:30Speaker 04

  Right.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's not.

• 53:31Speaker 04

  There's a little bit, though.

• 53:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:32Speaker 04

  There's a little bit that they're like, god, that's annoying.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  Shut the fuck up. But it's like, we can go to the costume party together.

• 53:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, it's fine.

• 53:39Speaker 04

  There, I think a problem with dating right now for everybody, too, is, eh, eh, like, Or a problem that I feel anyway, I guess I shouldn't make it everyone's problem is like the the the problem of choice, like hmm, when you're with somebody and things are a little difficult that you go like, oh, this they're getting on my nerves or this this thing of theirs is brushing up against mine, which is going to happen. Have you ever heard of porcupine theory?

• 54:01Speaker 03

  No.

• 54:01Speaker 04

  I don't know if this is the official name of it, but like the idea is, and I'll butcher this, there's some whoever came up with this made it much smarter, someone just Google it and you can hear the actual one. But the gist of it is, uh, it's a theory about like human intimacy and the idea is that like porcupines, when it's cold out, they need to get close to share warmth. But because they have spines inherently, they're gonna hurt each other a little bit the closer they get because they're gonna prick each other.

• 54:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:23Speaker 04

  And that's what it's like to be a human being in like romantic dealings is like, we want, we, we actually need to be close, we need to let people in. But inherently, when we do, our stuff is gonna poke their stuff and theirs ours, etc.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  The problem, I think in dating right now is like every time you're with somebody, you, again, I'm making this a universal problem about dating, something I have experienced is that when I'm dating somebody and things aren't ideal, in the back of my head, I'm like, there's 300 other guys that would love to be doing this with me. That would be easier going about that dinner plan or that would be, you know what I'm saying?

• 54:59Speaker 03

  Mm hmm. You, but I think, I agree with you, I think, but going for the easy is the pro, like.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  100%.

• 55:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's the problem though, like I had that a lot with my, we're the same. I, I had that, like, I'm like, it's, and especially when they come into you.

• 55:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  I ain't gotta hear about, I don't wanna hear about your.

• 55:20Speaker 04

  No, it's hard, it's legitimately difficult.

• 55:22Speaker 03

  It's narcissistic, really.

• 55:23Speaker 04

  100%.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Is, we all are being manufactured narcissists now. It's becoming more and more that because I swear to God, bro, like the first few years of my relationship, my longest one.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  I can get out here if I want.

• 55:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  And I, ah, you know what I'm saying? It's just like, but I think.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  I don't know, I also think people are built different too, a little bit. But I've, I've been with so, I think the more people you be with too sexually, it's harder for you to connect to somebody, man.

• 55:56Speaker 04

  100%.

• 55:57Speaker 03

  Like, I can't, now, I'm like, when a girl says they like me, I'm like, hmm.

• 56:04Speaker 03

  Which is bad, I gotta go to, I'm in therapy for it.

• 56:06Speaker 04

  What do you mean by that? Like, you're annoyed by it, or you're like?

• 56:08Speaker 03

  No, no, no, I want it, but I'm just like, I've heard it a lot.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  It's a foregone conclusion, almost.

• 56:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:13Speaker 04

  You're like, yeah, I, I have experience that a lot of people are into me.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, and that sucks. That, that sounds bad to say out loud.

• 56:19Speaker 04

  No, but it's reality.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's true, it's just like, there's a script almost now.

• 56:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:24Speaker 03

  And I'm waiting for somebody that doesn't have that script.

• 56:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:27Speaker 03

  Once I find somebody that's like, damn, this sounds.

• 56:29Speaker 04

  No, it doesn't. It's very, very honest, and I'm actually very appreciative of it. But I'm, guess I'm wondering for you as your friend, the only way to break the script of, I am into you and would like to be with you, is for someone to not feel that way.

• 56:42Speaker 03

  Nah, you getting too.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  What are we gonna do with that?

• 56:46Speaker 03

  Woo, Kayla, now you talking. I need a girl that hates me, dawg.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  If we keeping it a buck, if you don't like me, I'm for that.

• 56:57Speaker 04

  That is so.

• 56:58Speaker 03

  So annoying.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  Annoying. I don't want that for you.

• 57:01Speaker 03

  I don't want that either, but goddamn it, like, when a girl is like, put it like that, ah, shit out.

• 57:08Speaker 04

  No, come on.

• 57:09Speaker 03

  Okay, I won't say no names, but I was dealing with a girl that was like, she was bisexual, and she was in them spec, she couldn't give a fuck less about me.

• 57:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 03

  I feel like, she, she, she couldn't care, and Nat was like, I love you.

• 57:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:24Speaker 03

  Like, you can go, you, you really like women.

• 57:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:26Speaker 03

  I'm just here for a little bit. I'm fly, I'm like mail order dick.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:32Speaker 03

  And I was like.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  You were into that.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  I, we had a good chemistry.

• 57:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  Like, she, we liked each other a lot, but there was this distance.

• 57:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:41Speaker 03

  Where she kind of was just like, I can do without you, dude, like, there's girls making me come, and that's, we having a good time over here, sisterhood, and I was just like.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Not sisterhood.

• 57:50Speaker 03

  I wanna, yeah.

• 57:53Speaker 03

  There was a lot of sisterhood.

• 57:55Speaker 04

  Not sisterhood.

• 57:56Speaker 03

  You know they be throwing that around.

• 57:57Speaker 04

  Not sisterhood.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  Womanhood.

• 57:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:02Speaker 03

  I was just like, it, it just didn't work out in that way, but that was recently the most

• 58:09Speaker 03

  close I, we, the time we shared, I was like, wow, I could have, I could have locked in with that girl.

• 58:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:14Speaker 03

  And that's dumb.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  Well, also, by the way, you're, what you're explaining, I don't think is a super unique, like,

• 58:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, no.

• 58:21Speaker 04

  I, I, which is to say, I don't think you should feel bad about, like, we all want what we can't have. And every, I, not everybody, many, many people are like, I think a very common problem in dating is that a lot of us are attracted to things we shouldn't be.

• 58:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  Like, you know, being attracted to someone who doesn't like you. That's obviously like clinical. And, and, and same, I love, I, there's some things, I love the chase. I love a pursuit.

• 58:46Speaker 03

  Are you chasing these guys now?

• 58:48Speaker 04

  Uh.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  You too, you, I feel like now.

• 58:51Speaker 04

  What are you talking, you gonna say classy?

• 58:53Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no. I say you got, you, you, you, you clouded up right now. You ain't chasing nobody.

• 58:59Speaker 04

  Not clouded up. I, well, that's the thing is I'm, a lot of the guys who come to me that are the, the guys who want me like that, that are like in the DMs and a lot of times it's the same thing where I'm like, okay.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Even if they're hot, I'm like, whatever. But yeah, a guy who I feel like I'm like working for it and I'm like really putting in the effort, that, yeah.

• 59:21Speaker 03

  What's your game, Caleb?

• 59:23Speaker 04

  Stop.

• 59:23Speaker 03

  Can you, nah, don't, don't tell me, don't tell.

• 59:25Speaker 04

  I'll tell you, I'll tell you my game.

• 59:26Speaker 03

  What's your game?

• 59:27Speaker 04

  Uh, uh, I make shit happen. That's, that, that is, I send plans.

• 59:37Speaker 04

  Clip it, clip it. Virginia, clip it, clip it.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  Mr. Caleb makes shit happen here.

• 59:44Speaker 04

  He is Antonio, please. Please. But I mean, like, I think so many, I think so many people are, I asked someone out yesterday and he was like, oh, I never get asked out. And he's gorgeous. And I'm like, yeah, cause people are intimidated by how like gorgeous, and he's very successful at what he does. And yeah, I'm like, I just was like, hey, I want to take you to dinner next Thursday. This is the time and the place. Let me know if you're interested.

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  Let's go.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  That's like, but that's how I have to be. You know what I mean?

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:00:11Speaker 04

  I don't get the luxury of being one of these like Brooklyn twinks that just gets to co-spy on a jawline. I have to be, I have to have plans.

• 1:00:20Speaker 03

  Shit has to be set in stone.

• 1:00:21Speaker 04

  Hey, there needs to be plans.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  You can't just come up and raise the shirt up.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  No, the shirt, pull up the shirt. It's gonna do it for some people.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  But it's gonna need to also have a reservation on the other end.

• 1:00:32Speaker 03

  Man, dawg, that's, I can't wait to be Mr. Make It Happen.

• 1:00:35Speaker 04

  Mr. Make It Happen is crazy. Mr. Make It Happen is so funny.

• 1:00:39Speaker 03

  That's so fire.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  That, you know what? Clip it.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, racial visitation and Mr. Make It Happen.

• 1:00:47Speaker 03

  We gotta get these popping, man.

• 1:00:48Speaker 04

  Clip it. Antonio, I have a segment for you.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  Oh, let's get it.

• 1:00:53Speaker 04

  A game. Did you know we play a game?

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  I did not know we play a game.

• 1:00:55Speaker 04

  We play a game on this show.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  Let's play a game.

• 1:00:57Speaker 04

  True, false segment. I'm gonna read you 15 statements.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can after each one if what I just said is true or false.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:01:03Speaker 04

  You get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:01:06Speaker 03

  Oh, my goodness, come on.

• 1:01:07Speaker 04

  It's, okay, you ready?

• 1:01:09Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:01:09Speaker 04

  A is the most commonly used letter in the English language.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:01:12Speaker 04

  False, E.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  Fuck.

• 1:01:13Speaker 04

  Fish can't blink.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:01:16Speaker 04

  True. Titanic was released in 1999.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  False, it was 1997. 50 Cent and Charlie Chaplin were alive at the same time.

• 1:01:25Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:01:25Speaker 04

  True. The Chicago Stags were the original NBA team in Chicago.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  It's true. Venus is the hottest planet in our solar system.

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:01:34Speaker 04

  That is true. Whoa. Monaco is the smallest country on Earth.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:01:39Speaker 04

  False, it's the Vatican City.

• 1:01:40Speaker 03

  Ah.

• 1:01:41Speaker 04

  Red belt is the highest rank in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:01:44Speaker 04

  True. Training Day was nominated, what?

• 1:01:49Speaker 03

  Look at the Jiu-Jitsu for four years!

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  I don't know if it's the Brazilian. Uh, Training Day was nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars.

• 1:01:57Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  False, should've been. Madonna's real first name is Caroline.

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  I feel like it's true.

• 1:02:03Speaker 04

  False, it's Madonna.

• 1:02:07Speaker 04

  University of Chicago's mascot is Phil the Phoenix.

• 1:02:09Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  True. Your radius bone is in your leg.

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  Ah, false. It's true.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:02:20Speaker 04

  It's in your forearm. Uh, Canada has the longest coastline in the world.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  Uh, false.

• 1:02:28Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  Fuck, I'm about to kill myself.

• 1:02:31Speaker 04

  I know exactly what has happened to you. Okay, the C- I'll tell you later. The CTA stands for Chicago Transport Authority.

• 1:02:38Speaker 03

  No, false.

• 1:02:39Speaker 04

  False, the Chicago Transit Authority. Mister, Mister Satan has never been killed in the entire Dragon Ball series.

• 1:02:46Speaker 03

  Uh, true.

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  That is true.

• 1:02:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:47Speaker 04

  How do you do, Chance?

• 1:02:49Speaker 05

  Six.

• 1:02:49Speaker 04

  Six. Six is a, six is kind of a recurring number. I know what happened to you. I've played this game, what, over a hundred something times now? Oh, if you count two or like a hundred fifty. I, what happens is with a true, false thing, people will get in a rhythm.

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  Of thinking like, oh, the last one was such and such, so the next one must be such. And the rhythm is just off.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:03:07Speaker 04

  And I saw it happening for you and I wanted to help you so bad.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  I stopped, I stopped actually considering the question. I'm just staying, I'm just like.

• 1:03:14Speaker 04

  You got in your head.

• 1:03:15Speaker 03

  Dragon Ball question was good. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I'm ashamed, bro.

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  Don't be ashamed. Don't be ashamed. Chance does this to hurt people.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  Oh, you did this?

• 1:03:24Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, he's a total masochist. He's a, he's a hurtful guy.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  Okay, well, well, how, yeah, I'm fucked.

• 1:03:29Speaker 04

  You got six.

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 1:03:30Speaker 04

  You got six, which is beautiful. But yeah, you, you're not getting that money.

• 1:03:40Speaker 03

  Nah, Madonna should. I did not know that was her fucking first. That's fun, that was fun though.

• 1:03:46Speaker 04

  We talked about, okay, we talked about, we talked about mom and dad. We talked about, by the way, you need to tell your mom, I saw the photo of you and your parents at Fallon. She looked good.

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  She looked so good.

• 1:03:58Speaker 03

  I've been in many a fight.

• 1:04:00Speaker 04

  She had that dress on.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  She had that dress on.

• 1:04:01Speaker 04

  She had that dress on in a crazy way. Please tell her I said that.

• 1:04:03Speaker 03

  I will.

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  I almost commented and then I was like, hey, that's not, you don't need to do. You're gonna see Antonio soon, first of all.

• 1:04:09Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:04:09Speaker 04

  Uh, we talked about your parents, we talked about Jiu Jitsu.

• 1:04:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:12Speaker 04

  We did, we talked about your show True, we did True, False. Chance, how much, how long have we been going?

• 1:04:16Speaker 05

  We are at fifty-eight minutes.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  Oh, great.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  Uh, what else is going on with you? What do you think about twenty twenty-six? What's the, what's it all about?

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  Uh, twenty twenty-six is gonna be a good year, man.

• 1:04:24Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think this, we kind of spoke about it a little bit, but I wanna make stuff this year. I think I wanna, wanna get artsy for artsy with it, man. Yeah, like, we'll take the, we'll take little acting roles here and there and do stand up all the time, but I really wanna. Make things and make people feel some shit this year, man. Get back to feeling some shit this year, dawg.

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, Mr. Make It Happen.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Mr. Make It Happen is crazy.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:04:47Speaker 04

  Were, do you think you were feeling things last year?

• 1:04:49Speaker 03

  Last year, I was very much on autopilot.

• 1:04:52Speaker 04

  Why?

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  I will say, I just, I, it was my second year in New York. And I think I was like, okay, we gotta get out of survival mode.

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  So I turned the brain off and I went and I just worked, worked, worked, worked.

• 1:05:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  Now I'm back and I'm like, let's, we can, we can be creative again.

• 1:05:11Speaker 04

  That makes sense. Well, I feel like, uh, it's a lot of times when people move cities, like when people move from New York to LA or vice versa. That first like year and change is like, I'm just like, I am setting up my life.

• 1:05:24Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:05:24Speaker 04

  I'm trying to figure out where I get coffee. I'm trying to figure out what train I take to what. Like, you're just trying to figure out, like, how I live in a place.

• 1:05:31Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:32Speaker 04

  And then you feel like you're kind of let out of the shoots. You're like, I'm off to the races now. I know my basics are handled. And now I'm, I can actually be creative or date or whatever the fuck.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, people don't talk about that a little bit. It's like, that's what it is. It's, I, I think I came out of that fog. And I'm like, okay, now we have friends.

• 1:05:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  All the, all my homies here. We got community again. Now it's time to like, you make that happen, you know?

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  You said you wanted to act more. What is your, like, what is your dream role? Like, what is the thing that you're like, man, if I could? And I, I don't even necessarily mean like, working with a certain director or anything. I mean, like, if there's a, a thing you could portray on screen, what would it be?

• 1:06:09Speaker 03

  I really wanna get into my brooding bag, man.

• 1:06:12Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  I wanna be a brooding guy in a movie at some point. Yeah, I can, I had that in my bag, man. I can do that.

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  I feel that.

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  I'm a sneaky thespian, bro.

• 1:06:20Speaker 04

  No, I can see it.

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Speaker 04

  I can see it for you.

• 1:06:23Speaker 03

  Thank you, man.

• 1:06:23Speaker 04

  I can see it for you. What, what kind of brooding guy? Like, do you wanna do like, is there a role that, this is a good way to put it. Is there a role that someone else has already played that you're like, that would have been?

• 1:06:33Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna lie, man. This, I, I really look at Lakeith a lot.

• 1:06:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:06:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think he embodies a kind of a... Uh, style of acting that I really like, just absurd, but still like, he can pull you in emotionally still. But he's not doing too much. It's very much bringing you into his world. I like him a lot and I like,

• 1:06:58Speaker 03

  nigga in trouble, but Jonathan Majors was pretty good in his heyday.

• 1:07:02Speaker 04

  Oh, he is in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I briefly was like, is he in trouble? And then I was like, oh, in a big way.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:08Speaker 04

  He got in a lot of trouble, actually.

• 1:07:10Speaker 03

  You know, before, before he got with the white women, he was, he was good, man.

• 1:07:14Speaker 04

  Cautionary tale.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  Cautionary tale, man.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  And time memorial, as old as time memorial.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, uh, I mean.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  I know you, you, you're an actor too.

• 1:07:22Speaker 04

  I'm acting.

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  You get down.

• 1:07:23Speaker 04

  I would like more, yeah, I mean, I'm in the same position as you, kind of. I'm, I'm definitely focused right now on, like artistic pursuit. I, I actually was like reflecting the other day and was like, I don't really wanna be, I find myself frustrated anytime I'm in conversations about building my career.

• 1:07:39Speaker 03

  I'm over that.

• 1:07:40Speaker 04

  I don't want to build my career. I'm a creative person, living a creative lifestyle, and that will let in all kinds of different things. But when you start talking about a career, there's these like tracks and things you're supposed to do. Where I'm like, okay, if I talk about my career as a stand-up, then inherently, as soon as I finish the, I put out a special last year, the second that's over, people start asking, where's the next one? There might not be a next one.

• 1:08:02Speaker 03

  Oh, God, you did. And your shit was amazing, bro. And that should be, for real, like, that should be enough for a while, man.

• 1:08:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:10Speaker 03

  Eat this, digest this, bruh. Like, you put in some real pain to make that.

• 1:08:14Speaker 04

  And let me live.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  Let you go, fuck, I seen you was in Europe. Like, do your thing, bruh. Like, I don't understand why, like, we dropping albums like we AI, bro. You put some pain in, let, let you ride that out, I feel like.

• 1:08:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I also just wanna leave room for other things to come in and out. Like, I wanna, I wanna do other creative things. I don't wanna, I don't cease to be a stand-up just because if I wanna spend a year or two years or three years writing a fucking book and not doing any stand-up, that, when you talk about a career path, then those things become like, oh, you wasted three years because you're not on the career path.

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Speaker 04

  When you talk about living a creative life as a creative person, everything has value.

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  And I think. If you don't show, you know, this industry who you are in your own creative pursuits, they'll make a character for you.

• 1:09:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:02Speaker 03

  I don't want that to happen. Cause I have a blank face that they would try to slap a style of being on and I'm not trying to do that. So this year I'm gonna show people like who I really am in the creative space and then hopefully I can just, they give me money to do that.

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:18Speaker 03

  That's what I want.

• 1:09:18Speaker 04

  I see it. It's on the horizon. I see it. It's on the horizon.

• 1:09:23Speaker 03

  Appreciate you, gang.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  A high five, why not?

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:26Speaker 04

  A high five, why not?

• 1:09:27Speaker 03

  You ain't did that in a while.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  I haven't done a high five in a minute. When's the last time I did a high five? Years, probably. Chance, you keep track of my high fives. Where was the last one?

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, get the, get the chart out.

• 1:09:37Speaker 04

  Um, Antonio, please tell people where they can find you, how they can support you.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  Oh, man. Instagram, Antonio Kareem, YouTube, Antonio Kareem, and I'm in these streets doing stand up. Uh, oh, Comedy Store, January 31st, if this comes out.

• 1:09:51Speaker 04

  Okay, if it's out before then.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  Cool.

• 1:09:54Speaker 04

  And otherwise, they'll see you. Go follow Antonio, check out his shows, see him wherever. Thanks for doing the do, this is great.

• 1:09:58Speaker 03

  No doubt, bro.

• 1:09:59Speaker 04

  Appreciate you.

• 1:10:00Speaker 03

  Appreciate it.

• 1:10:01Speaker 00

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