AJ Marroquin Wants to Throw Someone

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious AJ Marroquin! AJ and Caleb talk growing up in Kansas, co-worker energy, a harrowing trip they took together to England, strength, and so much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow AJ! @ajdeluxe Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Head to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE Find exactly what you’re booking for. Booking.com, Booking. YEAH! Book today on the site or in the app. Try Trü Frü! Blue bags with fruit found in the freezer aisle! So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:25Speaker 03

  Wave.

• 1:28Speaker 03

  Are you squatting?

• 1:29Speaker 04

  No, I'm not doing anything.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  Squatting, stairmaster?

• 1:31Speaker 04

  I got a trainer recently and he was like, "What's your fitness goal?" And I was like, "I want to be able to throw someone so hard I kill them."

• 1:41Speaker 04

  Joking.

• 1:41Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

• 1:43Speaker 04

  Because I wanted to lighten the mood, I'm so uncomfortable at the gym. So I said that, and he, without even smiling, goes, "We can get you there."

• 1:57Speaker 03

  Are we recording? Well, turn it off, I don't want to talk to this.

• 2:01Speaker 03

  Sorry, sorry. AJ, I'm sorry.

• 2:04Speaker 04

  Don't apologize to me, apologize to my wife and my kids.

• 2:09Speaker 04

  They're outside listening to this.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  They're sitting out there, cold, they're not allowed in.

• 2:14Speaker 04

  Hungry.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  How are you, babe?

• 2:16Speaker 04

  I am tired, but I'm here.

• 2:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Feeling dry, too.

• 2:22Speaker 03

  Dry?

• 2:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  Oh, well, the monkey looks so wet.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  I walked into it.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, you set you set me up for that one.

• 2:31Speaker 04

  How are you?

• 2:31Speaker 03

  I'm good. I'm good. I love your new neck tattoos.

• 2:35Speaker 04

  Thank you so much.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  They're looking really good.

• 2:36Speaker 04

  They're fresh. My friend Angel did them. I will say I've had someone approach me and say that the tattoos make it look like I'm into like pee pee stuff.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  Really?

• 2:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, which I didn't think was a thing.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Most of your tattoos do give that.

• 2:50Speaker 04

  I think it's a combination of like bald and beard and these earrings.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  I was about to say that.

• 2:55Speaker 04

  Like I'm about to like.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  It's, yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  The sound really upset me. The sound is like, uh, it's like when you close a door that has like rubber around the. Yeah, it's bald. It's bald eyebrows, beard, glasses, tattoos. The whole thing is giving you can piss on this guy.

• 3:15Speaker 04

  That's why I tried to like offset it by wearing like Uniqlo.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  A button down shirt kind of says like, well, hold on. I have a job.

• 3:25Speaker 04

  Piss can come later.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  Most, most gay guys with like powerful office jobs are in the kink community, I feel.

• 3:32Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  Or is it most guys in the kink community end up with powerful office jobs? Well, office jobs are a type of sadism.

• 3:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, they are. I think people who are absolutely like you're in it for the pain. And I think it's like more often than not, I have like have friends that do a lot of sex work and they've talked about like, oh, like their clients are like big time lawyers who like they're verbally dominant in their day to day life. And they want to go find someone who will just step all over their balls.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  And spend their money, which.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  That's really interesting.

• 3:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  I'm verbally dominant in my day to day life and, um.

• 4:01Speaker 04

  We know.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  And no one's allowed to talk to me like that in my bedroom. I don't relate to that. I'm, I, you hear this all the time. It was like the whole concept of baby girl or whatever.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  Where it's like, she's tired of being the boss at work. She wants to be smacked or whatever. I'm like, not me. No, thanks. I like carry it through, actually.

• 4:16Speaker 04

  I agree. I, I am a very verbally dominant person. I also appreciate the smack of it all, but I don't want, at some point, I'm like, you're smacking too hard.

• 4:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:25Speaker 04

  Like a step back. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?

• 4:28Speaker 03

  It's been coming up a lot on the podcast.

• 4:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  There's an interesting thing where this podcast where like things will just come up in chunks for weeks at a time.

• 4:34Speaker 04

  Chunks.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  For like several months, it was the trolley problem. That kept coming up and it wasn't like I was always bringing it up or maybe I was, I guess. I don't know. But now it's kind of like whether or not people are allowed to hit me during sex. And the answer is no. You're not allowed to be mean to me in any context ever.

• 4:51Speaker 04

  What about being verbal?

• 4:52Speaker 03

  Like being verbally mean to me?

• 4:54Speaker 04

  Or like aggressive?

• 4:55Speaker 03

  No, unless it's like cute.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  And like, you can be like a little like, I know, you can't really be mean to me. You can't degrade me. You can't hit me ever. I'm not interested in it.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  What do you do then?

• 5:08Speaker 03

  It's a tough program. Mostly you could like praise me. You could praise me, you could kiss me.

• 5:14Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, praise me and kiss me are like two big things.

• 5:17Speaker 04

  Do you verbally degrade people?

• 5:18Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 5:19Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 5:22Speaker 04

  Not a lot of thinking with that one.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 5:25Speaker 04

  We start off the episode with verbal degradation.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Well, so many of them won it, like you won it.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  I did, yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:31Speaker 04

  I'm about to bust.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Oh, I can see. And it's horrific because we're trying to do a podcast.

• 5:35Speaker 04

  I know, I know. Or it's like lovely room, it's like so bright and colorful. I'm like, yeah, so people want to get their dick stepped on like immediately.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  Tell me about yourself. You're from Kansas?

• 5:47Speaker 04

  I'm from Kansas, southwest Kansas, Garden City. Go Buffs, whoop whoop.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  The podcast is actually like affecting you. I've never seen you act like that.

• 5:58Speaker 04

  I know.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  I've never, I've never seen you go whoop whoop.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  Giddy.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  I'm around another Midwest diva. That's how I get.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  You actually make me, I, I giggle quite a bit around you. We did lunch the other day and you, I was like starting to smile at the beginning of your story and it pissed you off immediately. You were like, what's going on? What are you doing with your face? And I'm like, I'm smiling because I'm having a good time.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Well, you're very devilish. And so what happened was I think I was telling us, I was telling a story that I really wanted you to focus on. You started to go.

• 6:26Speaker 03

  You started to smile at me like that Stephanie McMahon meme.

• 6:30Speaker 04

  Where she's like.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  And I was like AJ and you're like, I'm just enjoying your company.

• 6:34Speaker 04

  I what? And I was genuinely enjoying your company. And then you, it happened a second time. I started smiling a little bit. You're like, what? What are you doing?

• 6:41Speaker 03

  You're not usually nice to me.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  So yeah, I'm feeling very giggly here. The pillows are soft, the fireplace is cute. I'm enjoying myself. Can we continue to talk about me again?

• 6:50Speaker 03

  I want to.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  Okay, so yeah, Kansas, I lived in Kansas City for a while, then Chicago for a long time.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  Which is where we met.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  By the way, where we met in Chicago.

• 6:59Speaker 03

  That's your beard hair.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  We met in Chicago. Do you remember how we met?

• 7:04Speaker 04

  Um, no.

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 7:09Speaker 04

  I'm sure it was like at the hideout or something. I was probably smoking a cigarette outside or something and you saw me.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  To not even try to remember how we met before coming on the show.

• 7:16Speaker 04

  I know. It's terrible, isn't it?

• 7:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  I remembered I did not like you.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  Is that true?

• 7:22Speaker 04

  No. Ah, ish, kind of.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  That's really interesting.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  Not that I didn't like you all the way. I just had doubts about you because you were just such like, you were such a positive like person and you seemed, I know.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  What's happened?

• 7:37Speaker 04

  Like, you know, when someone's like, even when you started the podcast, you're like, hey, like, how, how are you doing? I'm like, I'm tired.

• 7:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  Like, at that point, I'd be like, how are you? You'd be like, I'm having a great day. And I was like, I'll fucking kill you.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. So you didn't like me?

• 7:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was a little bit positive. It kind of, it kind of irked me out in a weird way.

• 7:52Speaker 03

  What, I mean, that's obviously like a very specific you problem that we, I hope we've worked on. But what, was there anything else I was doing to make you not like me? Was there anything else about me that was rubbing you the wrong way?

• 8:02Speaker 04

  No, I think I was just kind of a huge bitch and you were really nice.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  That can't be all. There had to be something else going on.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  No, not much. It was just very like positive.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  I totally acknowledged that you're a huge bitch and I'm an angel, but.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, thank you. The energy was very like coworker who was like, hey, happy Friday, Junior.

• 8:24Speaker 04

  And I'm like.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  So you thought I was a cornball. You thought I was a cornball.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  It's Thursday, bitch.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  You thought I was a cornball is the truth. That's what it gets down to is it wasn't just that I was like sweet. You thought I was a cornball.

• 8:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, and those things kind of interlocked. And now it's completely different.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  You know?

• 8:37Speaker 03

  You don't think I'm sweet anymore?

• 8:40Speaker 04

  Sure. Wouldn't you wanna be?

• 8:42Speaker 03

  You don't think I'm sweet anymore?

• 8:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  No, it is, I will say, I was definitely in like, uh, I think when I moved to Chicago was like the first time, well, number one, I was like 22 and it was the first time I had ever felt like, uh, my life was exciting. Like, I was like, oh my God, I live in, like, my, life is so exciting. I'm like, moved to a big city. I'd never, I had lived in New York for like six months for an internship, but I was like living in a big city on my own. I was very excited. It was very easy to get me in a good mood.

• 9:11Speaker 04

  I could tell.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  And you didn't like that.

• 9:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, you were like, this is my city, kind of energy.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  And it was, and it was, and it still fucking is.

• 9:20Speaker 04

  It still fucking is.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  I still have my flag planted in Chicago.

• 9:22Speaker 04

  Wait, how did we meet?

• 9:23Speaker 03

  How did we meet? Oh, I don't know.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  You gotta remember shit like that. I'm sure I thought you were a negative, annoying bitch.

• 9:32Speaker 04

  And I was.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  I was like this Eeyore character, chain smoking cigarettes out front of the hideout.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Smoking cigarettes back to back to back.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  No, I loved you. I love alternative people.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  Ouch.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  Alternative people.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  No, I loved you.

• 9:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm sure you met me at a very, I had a blood capsule in my mouth, kind of comedy vibe during that time.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  I was ready to like bleed from the mouth and do something crazy.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  That's what everyone was doing at the hideout at that time.

• 9:57Speaker 04

  That's a huge time for blood capsules.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  I felt stupid at the hideout at that time. I actually did feel a little insecure at the hideout at that time because I never had like a prosthetic vagina on stage. I was doing like PowerPoints. I was doing like PowerPoints about my love life and other people were like, alright, this next comedian, um, they're so, so exciting. They're one of the best comics doing it right now. And then they'd come up and like ride around and like fake shit for 30 minutes.

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  And kill. And I was like, God, I wish I had that level of freedom.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  You went out there with a very thoughtful like PowerPoint, like presentation.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  Stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a student council kid. Friday Junior.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  I would do my Friday Junior routine. Yeah.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Which also the PowerPoint comedy at that point was just, it was all over.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  Ubiquitous.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  Ubiquitous. I really feel that the, when they write the, this chapter of the comedy history books, they need to give a lot of credit to the Chicago comics that were there when we were there. Because a lot of the shit that's like happening now is a direct result of what was going on in the Chicago scene. And I'm not talking about my stuff. I'm talking about the people that I was around. But the, a lot of the stuff that's popular now is a direct result of like the 2015 to 2020 Chicago comedy scene.

• 11:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I agree.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  You know?

• 11:05Speaker 04

  There's a lot of processing through that. And I also remember too, uh, Chicago doing comedy there was like the first time I, because I started, I did comedy in Kansas City for a little bit by the NASCAR Speedway.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  And they'd bring you onstage, be like, up next, we have a gay comedian.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Well.

• 11:21Speaker 04

  It's like, well, yeah.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  Don't be gay if you don't want them to say that.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Also, that crowd has eyes and ears. They're gonna find out in about 30 seconds. But it was just really funny. Like, you'd be about to walk on, and you hear, gay comedian. It's like, well, yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:32Speaker 04

  Well, there's my whole set.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, fuck, what do I talk about now?

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Yeah. It was, and so to go from that to Chicago where it's like, you know, Sarah's coming out of like a giant cardboard butthole. You know, she's like being rebirthed on stage. And I'm like, no one gives a fuck about that.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's Sarah coming out of like a prosthetic vagina on stage, and then Meg Stalter's in the back like strangling an audience member. Yeah, it was like a fun, it was a fun era.

• 11:56Speaker 04

  It was a good time.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  Good time.

• 11:57Speaker 03

  What, uh, why did you move to Chicago from Kansas City?

• 12:02Speaker 04

  Oh, I had just been in Kansas City for a long time, and I went to visit Chicago for the first time. And it was my first time ever kind of being like in a real, like, gay club, gay, like, neighborhood. I was in Boys Town, and I just remember being like, oh, my God, there's like more than five gay people.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  And this is like what I wanted that whole time.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  And they're all at Berlin.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  And they're all at Berlin. Ah, RIP, love Berlin.

• 12:22Speaker 03

  RIP Berlin, dude.

• 12:23Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. I do remember, I walked into Berlin. We went to, Sharon Needles had just won Drag Race. This one's actually, um, Sharon Needles had just won Drag Race. We walked into Spin nightclub, and I was wearing the most horrendous outfit. I'll have to find you a picture for it. It was like, I'm wearing like a mesh tank top, leather jacket, and I'm wearing like enough Hot Topic necklaces like chained together. It was like weighing me down. I had a faux hawk.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:44Speaker 04

  Um, I got to be up to this fucking sun.

• 12:47Speaker 03

  Not got to be to the gods.

• 12:49Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. And I'm not saying that that's what made me bald. But I'm not. Yeah. It was actually a lot of like poor health issues that made me bald. Anyway, we won't cross that. But went to go see that show, went to Berlin, stayed out until like four o'clock in the morning, ate a huge baked pancake at this place called Clark's Diner across the street. And I was like, I want this combination in my life forever.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  Forever.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then went back home to KC, packed my shit up, and probably moved out there like maybe four or five months later.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. I've had simultaneously some of the hottest makeouts of my life at Berlin, and also some of the most annoying interactions I think I have ever had in my entire. It was like, every time I went to Berlin, it was like, I'm gonna have the best and worst moments of my life tonight.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Like, I'm gonna bump into some gay guy that I do not want to speak with and get cornered by him.

• 13:34Speaker 04

  It was me. I bumped into you at Berlin one time.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  No, I always love seeing you. You're not gonna get me to come against you. You didn't like me, I liked you. I immediately liked you. I was like, I love this guy.

• 13:44Speaker 04

  And I'm trying to sow discord. I'm like, you threw coffee at me.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hated me too. No, girl, I loved you.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 03

  I loved you the whole time. Um, yeah, it was such a, oh god, I fucking love Berlin. What happened there?

• 13:55Speaker 04

  I have no fucking clue.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  I don't know what happened.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  No idea. I remember, I do remember the one thing that sold me on it, though, is I was watching Kim Chi, who's, you know, since been on Drag Race, did "I Drove All Night" by Celine Dion, dressed like Princess Peach, holding like a wee steering wheel and was pulling like old banana peels out of her bra and like dropping them on the stage to sound. And I was, that was the first time I'd ever been like, oh my god, this is what art is.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  Like, you could just do that.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:20Speaker 04

  And I was like enamored by that.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  I'd say most drag performances I watch, oh, you can just do that, is the feeling.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  But mine's with a question mark. You can do that?

• 14:29Speaker 04

  You can do that. I know, I did see someone at Berlin one time do a performance where they had, um, I think they had meant to like completely douche themselves and then like shoot like glittery water out of their ass, and then mid-performance, just huge piece of shit came out of them. So, and at that point, that's something else. I had to move on. So.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  Sorry, where do we go from here? Yeah, that was a really upsetting story.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  I know, I'm so sorry.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  That was a really upsetting story.

• 14:56Speaker 04

  But, you know, queer art.

• 14:57Speaker 03

  Queer, support queer art.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  Support queer art.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  Support queer art. Protect the dolls.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Protect them. Protect them.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  For real. I'd pull out a knife. Protect the dolls. AJ, okay, I have a question for you.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  You've traveled so much.

• 15:11Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 15:11Speaker 03

  You like spent a couple, you're running from something. I've always.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  You always say that.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  I've been accusing you for years of running from something. I still don't fully know what it is that you're running from.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  Me neither.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  But it's my opinion that you're on the run from something, either an entity or a feeling. But that's my opinion.

• 15:27Speaker 04

  You will literally, I'll catch up with you. You'll be like, so how was London? And I'm like, oh, it was great. So what are you running from?

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Well.

• 15:34Speaker 04

  And that's like the second follow-up thing, where you'll be like, how was staying in an attic in Yugoslavia or wherever the fuck you were at? And it's like, you know, I wasn't in Yugoslavia.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Well, it's, you know, I love you. You're my friend. I want to know what you're running from so I can help you escape. Um, or to turn around and confront it, you know, to turn around and look it in the eyes and say.

• 15:50Speaker 04

  I'm not running from anything. I'm running toward uncut dick and cock.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  And Europe.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  And Europe.

• 15:59Speaker 04

  And you did the same.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  For sure. But mine's a little more measured.

• 16:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  Yeah. But okay. So what's your favorite place you've ever been?

• 16:07Speaker 04

  Uh, I'd say Italy. I loved it. I stayed in Rome and I've done that like two or three times and I would go back a billion times. People there are hot. They are closet. I feel like a lot of closet gay men in Italy, like you'll find them. They'll be like, oh, you're so beautiful. I want to write a poem about you. And then we're like, let's go back to your place. Like I live with my mom.

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. And she doesn't know.

• 16:23Speaker 04

  And she does not know.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:24Speaker 04

  And my wife.

• 16:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:25Speaker 04

  And yeah, and my children.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  My children.

• 16:27Speaker 04

  That's like.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  My kids know.

• 16:29Speaker 04

  Yeah. They have a pretty good idea.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  My kids know they're cool, but my, my wife and mom are not.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  We're on Roblox together.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:34Speaker 04

  And so I'm like, that is a little downer, but I think Italy's beautiful. Um, yeah, I'd say that's my favorite, that one. And I like London. I don't know if like, I know like, everything. It's like, that feels weird to say. London is just a really fun party place.

• 16:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. We've had fun in London.

• 16:49Speaker 04

  We did. That was a fun trip. We had a really good time.

• 16:52Speaker 03

  That was a really good trip.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  I got my phone stolen that trip.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  You did?

• 16:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 03

  Things happen to you.

• 16:57Speaker 04

  All the time. A guy came by while I was mid FaceTime with some friends. Guy comes by on a motorbike and just snatches it out of my hands. And I like, didn't even have time to process. I was just like.

• 17:07Speaker 04

  And I was like shark eyed blackout drunk. Yeah, I was just like, I was like, I don't know where I'm going. And sometimes I was like, okay, well, let's figure out your address and how to get you home. And I remember I got like an iPhone six S because that's all I could afford during that trip. And we're like on tour, it was opening for you during that part of your tour. And I spent the rest of that trip on iPhone six S and every photo I took of like us together, it looks like I had eaten KFC. The lens is just completely greased. I think Florence Pugh went to a show at one point. I took a picture of me and you in a mirror and she jumped up in front of the camera. I think it's probably the worst picture that's ever been taken of her. And it was like everywhere the next day and I was like, oh my God, I like her. Like it was bad. The iPhone success was a bad.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  That was a funny trip because not only were all the pictures you were taking bad, but we, there were a lot of famous people around. And so every morning I would wake up in London and there would be a new like Twitter thread, like Florence Pugh hits the town with, with a fat gay comedian we don't know of. And it would just be pictures of us from the night. I remember there was one I, I saw that was like, I woke up one morning, I had gotten like uncharacteristically drunk. Like I had gotten so fucked up one night. We'd gone out dancing and I woke up to like 15 texts from friends that were, were all the same tweets. And I went to the tweet and it was like, it was like Florence Pugh out in London with friends and it was a picture of Flo, it was me standing in the street like this and Florence grinding on me.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  And us in the middle of like a street in London, but I, I don't know if she was drunk.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  In front of like the cursed child.

• 18:40Speaker 03

  Truly. And I was so hammered and I was like, all right, that's a beautiful, that's a beautiful time capsule of that evening, I guess.

• 18:47Speaker 04

  It is so good. I didn't think the caption on one of the photos is just like, it's me saying it's giving iPhone six S.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  It's a picture of Florence like mid action, like, like just like face blurred.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  So funny.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  Incredible trip.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  We sang karaoke that night.

• 19:01Speaker 04

  We did.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  In like a karaoke room.

• 19:02Speaker 04

  Smallest room.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  With like 30 people.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 03

  And everyone was trying to hook up with somebody in that room.

• 19:07Speaker 04

  Everyone was.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Except for you and I, we were the only people that were like actually there for karaoke.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  Taking it all too seriously, like I'm holding the book with like both hands and you're like kind of organizing like who's going next.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:18Speaker 04

  We're all about logistics, which I appreciate.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  You and I are logistics gays.

• 19:22Speaker 04

  And everyone's like trying to kiss, like, ah, actually she's up next.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Nail that harmony and then we'll see. Nail that harmony and we'll see about the kissing.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  What about you? Where, where, where's a place that you've been that you'd like absolutely would be there all the time if you could be?

• 19:35Speaker 03

  Oh, I love Amsterdam. I love Amsterdam. I have so much fun in Amsterdam. I just, I really enjoy it. Mexico City, I adore. Mexico City's fabulous.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  It's so good. It smells like steak all the time.

• 19:47Speaker 03

  It does, and I really appreciate that.

• 19:48Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  I speak a teeny tiny bit of Spanish.

• 19:51Speaker 04

  Let's hear it.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Survival Spanish. Hola, que tal? Lo siento, hablo un poco de español pero es muy mal. Uh, la mesa, la mesa?

• 20:02Speaker 04

  That's giving Friday Junior.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  Es posible?

• 20:04Speaker 04

  Friday Junior in the face.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  One of my big, one of my big embarrassing, uh, bad Spanish traits is that I just use es posible for like any question. I'll just like point at something. I'll be like, la mesa por cuatro, es posible? Es posible is like my...

• 20:21Speaker 04

  I think it works.

• 20:22Speaker 03

  It works, but it's humiliating. I'm just walking around a Spanish speaking country being like, it's possible? Pointing at milk.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  And they're like, sure.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  I'm like, I'm at Cafe Con Leche, I point at ice, I'm like, hielo? Es posible? They're like, so basically I've just said like, coffee, milk, ice, it's possible? And they're like, and then, and by the way, they're like, yes, sir.

• 20:42Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, yeah.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  They speak English the whole time. They're like, why are you even?

• 20:46Speaker 04

  Always, always.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Why are you doing this?

• 20:49Speaker 04

  Also like saying it's possible, like you can't, there's no way you're ever gonna hear no.

• 20:53Speaker 03

  Right.

• 20:54Speaker 04

  Cause it literally always is possible.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  They're gonna be like, no, coffee and milk together, not gonna happen here.

• 20:59Speaker 03

  I will say in Madrid, they did not, the, Madrid is the place I've been that they were the least forgiving or charmed by my bad Spanish.

• 21:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:07Speaker 03

  They were, I was like, I was like, lo siento, mi español es muy mal, and they're like, okay. Which is appropriate. I'm in their country. I should know the language.

• 21:17Speaker 04

  Move on.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, or like, I try to look things up, but, um, my elbow's cracking when I'm doing that. Okay, old.

• 21:23Speaker 04

  Officially near 30s.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Um, but, wait, you're quite a bit older than me.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  No, this is good. I'm not making fun. You're quite a bit older than me.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  I'm turning 31 this week.

• 21:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  By the time this comes out, I'll be 31. Do you have any advice for me?

• 21:40Speaker 04

  Tone it down. Take it back a notch.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Whatever this is, step back a little bit. Not about you anymore. You're old news. Don't do that. Don't do that.

• 21:54Speaker 04

  No, I think legitimate, stop. Legitimate advice is don't pretend that you're older than you have to be. I hate when people in their 30s are like, oh, don't invite me out past 9:00 PM. My body hurts. It's like, baby, that's MS. Like, it has nothing to do with being 30. Like, you need to move on.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:14Speaker 04

  Stop.

• 22:15Speaker 03

  No, I'll turn it down.

• 22:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  It's good advice.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, please. You don't look like you want to be verbally degraded right now.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  I want to be, I just want to be like you, kind of nuanced and understated.

• 22:25Speaker 04

  Well, say it again.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  And hit your camera?

• 22:33Speaker 04

  Yeah. Show my nipple rings to the camera. Nuanced, understated. I mean, you're doing 31 so far. Okay, look at those shoes.

• 22:41Speaker 03

  I'm not 31 yet.

• 22:42Speaker 04

  Oh, wait, yeah, that's right.

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• 24:09Speaker 03

  Please.

• 24:10Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  When I'm 31, we'll talk about it.

• 24:12Speaker 04

  We'll know about it, yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  No, I was hoping you'd have something earnest to say to me, but I guess you're really not going to give me any advice.

• 24:17Speaker 04

  No, that's my earnest advice is go out and still be, I used to be so fucking terrified of like, there's gonna be one day where I have to start wearing like golf polos and like, like pants up to my titties.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  And then I learned that you just don't have to do that.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:32Speaker 04

  I worked at a goth bar in Chicago called Late Bar. I was their door, their mean little door girl there for a little bit. There's a couple that was working there, Dan and Lisa, and they're an older, they're actually the people that got me to my first comedy show. They were like, do you want to host a comedy show at a goth bar in a Polish neighborhood on Wednesday at 11:00 PM? I'm like, hell yeah. But they were just like, you know, fully themselves and, you know, in their 50s. And I just thought, oh, after that point, like, you don't have to worry about being, you know, your age or being older. I mean, sometimes there are certain people where it's like, you know, I have a friend whose mom is still wearing like Hollister polos.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  No, I think you're right. I was just actually talking to somebody about this last night that I'm getting so annoyed by as, as like a bunch of my friends are turning 30 and early 30s, so many people are doing this like really insane thing where they're like, we're in our 30s now. I mean, it's nine o'clock, we gotta get home, we're in our 30s now. I'm like, and I've gotten in trouble for this last time I said it on the show, I feel like people were a little mad at me, but like, I'm sorry, if you have a computer job, you are fine. You have a computer, an indoor computer job, you can stay out until 3:00 AM and do your job tomorrow. Your job is borderline fake. You have the energy and the time, you need to like relax.

• 25:45Speaker 04

  And see me with a computer job and like, now I'm, you know, addicted to amphetamines and I'm out here in these streets.

• 25:51Speaker 03

  You're in these streets. You're in these streets.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  I'm pushing. No, I think what you're saying is corrected. There's this idea of like, oh, I'm so exhausted and then you'll say something about that. They'll be like, well, what about, oh, the term I hate, the little horrors, all the horrors.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:04Speaker 04

  Get myself a little treat. Are you mad at me? Shut the fuck up.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  It's, it's, it's.

• 26:08Speaker 04

  Like, shut up.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  It's like a new iteration of Touch My Button, Buy Me Tacos.

• 26:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  It's like, oh, God, the horrors, the horrors of your nine to five computer job.

• 26:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  You're fine.

• 26:18Speaker 04

  The horrors of like, you're scrolling through like infographics and people's like, you know, thirst traps of like them and like a swim, like, it's like, come on, I get that, whatever, but it's like, move on.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Also, it's not a little treat, it's dessert.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, thank you. When people are like, I'm taking myself out on a solo date. Sorry, bitch, that's called dinner.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  You're not going on a solo date. You're eating food.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 04

  Like a person does.

• 26:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:42Speaker 04

  You know, stop making it so like.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  I don't know, solo date, I kinda like. I can't lie to you. That feels a little romantic. It's a little romantic.

• 26:49Speaker 04

  It's not romantic.

• 26:50Speaker 03

  Friday Junior. Solo date's a little romantic. I like that. Like, oh, I'm taking myself out on a date.

• 26:56Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm taking us, I invite this guy over to my house. And it's just me at my house?

• 27:00Speaker 03

  Why are you single? Do you think, like, what, what, why don't you have a partner? You know, where's your, like, you're like, you know?

• 27:13Speaker 04

  I'm just, I just avoid anything at all costs. Like, and I do want one, but then when someone's like, I want that too. I'm like, okay, back up.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. Whoa, what's taking space?

• 27:23Speaker 04

  Take a few steps back. That's crazy to say.

• 27:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:25Speaker 04

  Um, and so I'm trying to be better about not oscillating so violently between, you know, I want a one night stand or I want like a long relationship. It's like, I want to like pick something and be intentional about it.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:37Speaker 04

  I don't know. I've had ops to do it and then I'll like absolutely find a way to back out of it. I'm like, oh, you know, he's posting like, and this one was, was a reasonable one. I was talking to this guy and I found his Facebook. And then by found, I don't mean like, oh, it popped up. I looked for it and I was like, I need to know what's going on.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:55Speaker 04

  And he was posting like pictures of like the Rugrats as like adults.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:58Speaker 04

  You know, he's like, wow, it's like Tommy Pickles with like a briefcase. And he's like, this is just what it's like. And I was like, fuck. You can never have sex with me again.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:08Speaker 04

  And that kind of stuff, like, you know, it just snowballs into it. And my friends were like, that's not that bad. I'm like, yeah, it is.

• 28:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is.

• 28:16Speaker 04

  It is that bad.

• 28:16Speaker 03

  That, that's really egregious.

• 28:18Speaker 04

  I have like a Deathly Hallows watercolor tattoo. Sorry.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Sorry, I'd rather you post that you're an Al Qaeda.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  I'd rather you take that fucking arm off completely at the elbow. I don't want to see it.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  But that's my story. Are you dating anybody?

• 28:35Speaker 03

  What?

• 28:35Speaker 04

  What?

• 28:36Speaker 03

  Why would you ask me that?

• 28:38Speaker 04

  I forgot, you're ace.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  No, I am, uh, like, at this point, I guess, not really newly. I'm out of a relationship. I'm dating. I'm seeing people. I don't know, dating is hard. It's just like, kind of a hard prospect to be. I like dating, I think it's pretty fun. But trying to find the person who, look, I acknowledge the same thing that poly people acknowledge. That's true, okay? When they say like, it is really hard to expect one person to be everything. I understand that that's true. I am still looking for it because I'm not willing to, I'm not willing to outsource. Like, yes, I know it's hard to find one person who is like-

• 29:17Speaker 04

  What do you mean, outsource, like go to the Philippines?

• 29:19Speaker 03

  No, I would do that. No, I just mean like, when poly people are like, yeah, some, one person shouldn't have to be your like, financial partner, sexual partner, best friend, etc. I'm like, unfortunately, I am still searching for that.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  And that is really hard to find. So I'm just out here looking.

• 29:34Speaker 04

  Yeah. Do you use apps?

• 29:36Speaker 03

  I'm on all the apps.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  I'm on all the apps. It's just like how it is. I don't really want to be, and like, do I think it's romantic, the idea of meeting my partner on an app? No, I can, I do romanticize it, that I'm like, wow, of all the people in the world that are on this app, we like, found each other and actually made it to the date and then continued seeing each other. But yeah, the apps are just like, that's how it's gonna happen, I'm sure of it.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  Oh, absolutely. I, and I've said it before myself, everyone says it, they're like, you know what, I'm just done with the apps. I'm gonna, you know, I have to meet my per- no, you're not.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  I've never said that and I'll never do it. I know for a fact, I know for a fact-

• 30:07Speaker 04

  Pause, stop right there, I've never said that.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  I've never said that, I will never do that. I hate when my friends do this, they're like, yeah, I'm just like, I know it works for other people, but like, for me, I'm gonna meet my person in the, no, you're not. They're not, they're not waiting for you at the bar, I'm sorry. That is too impossible, we're too busy. Get on the fucking apps and go meet someone, stop it.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 30:29Speaker 03

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• 31:16Speaker 03

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• 32:37Speaker 03

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• 33:40Speaker 03

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• 33:52Speaker 04

  On the flip of it though, there is a, like a time, like when I'll be like, I'll be having the worst day. And I'm like, I, I'm thinking about this, that kind of situation. And then my phone will go off. It's like, you got a message on Grindr from like someone called like a by fart slave.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  And I'm just like,

• 34:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. Grindr is a really insidious place.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  Yeah. That will like have me thinking.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  I'm also, oh, I feel annoyed. Grindr is, I feel annoyed when people like, try to act like uppity on Grindr, like, like, like they're like, like when they act like they're so shocked that people are there for sex. I'm like, this is what this place is.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Yeah. On the flip of it, when someone's like, I'm here to find my date. And it's like, no, you're not.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  No, you're not.

• 34:32Speaker 04

  This is not the place.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Or when people are really inconsistent where their profile is just like a really hot picture of their torso and like the top of their pubes. And then their bio is like, looking for real connections, no hookups. I'm like, then put a shirt on. Like, stop, put a shirt on and show your face then. What are like, pick, you don't get to, stop it.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  Like, keep the pub pick in there, but like, make it pick three, pick four.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, sure, I can know about your pubes, but like-

• 34:55Speaker 04

  I love to know about people's pubes. I think we should have a pub renaissance, more bush.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 34:59Speaker 04

  Yeah. I want bush coming out the sides. I want it coming out of places it doesn't need to be coming out of.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Wake that up.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  Okay?

• 35:07Speaker 03

  Tea. Tea, girl.

• 35:11Speaker 04

  Am I spilling? Am I spilling with that?

• 35:14Speaker 03

  Why, why'd you low-key spill? Why are you low-kinually spilling on this so true podcast?

• 35:22Speaker 04

  Did you say low-kinually?

• 35:23Speaker 03

  I'm low-kinually spilling right now.

• 35:25Speaker 04

  I'm not even gonna touch that shit. I'm too, that's what I will say, I'm too old about that.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  You don't know low-kinually?

• 35:31Speaker 04

  No, no. I just learned how to start using cracked recently.

• 35:34Speaker 03

  This is low-

• 35:36Speaker 04

  Someone was like, "Did you get cracked?" And I was like-

• 35:38Speaker 03

  Like, low-key, you're learning it as it's like, on its way out? Low-key and genuinely. Low-kinually.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  Stupid.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  Really stupid, but I actually like it.

• 35:46Speaker 04

  I do like, I mean, yeah, I love like, an abrieve.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  Low-kinually, I'm digging.

• 35:51Speaker 04

  I'd explain to someone, what's a portmanteau the other day?

• 35:54Speaker 03

  A portmanteau, yes, of course.

• 35:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, and someone was like, "What is that?" And I was like, "Gay people do it all the time." And I'll, the only example I could think of was, there was a woman on like, My Strength Addiction, who was addicted to collecting Santa Claus figurines, and she was like, "It's like I'm living in a Santa fantasy, a santacy." And I was like, "Huh." And that has like, stayed with me the whole time.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, you like something like that.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  Low-kinually.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  Low-kinually.

• 36:17Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  Feel free to use that with a young person in your life.

• 36:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 03

  It's not for me either.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  You're gonna catch me, I'm like, a year from now, being like, "So..."

• 36:25Speaker 03

  I'm low-kinually feeling this.

• 36:26Speaker 04

  You have to stop me.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  I'm not, yeah, nothing, um, I don't think that anything necessarily sounds cool coming out of my mouth, you know what I mean? Like, I, I think I am cool, but I don't think when I say something like that, it sounds cool.

• 36:38Speaker 04

  It stopped me, it made me believe it.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 36:41Speaker 04

  It was a good segue off of me like, going off the deep end about bushes.

• 36:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I like your feelings on pubes. I think you're very body positive.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, you love all bodies.

• 36:51Speaker 04

  I love it all.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  It's one of the things we differ on.

• 36:54Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 36:55Speaker 03

  I don't love all bodies.

• 36:56Speaker 04

  Which ones do you hate the most?

• 36:57Speaker 03

  Oh, god, fat ones.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  Oh, God, when I see a fat person, I'm like, yuck.

• 37:06Speaker 04

  I've heard you do that before. I've seen it.

• 37:08Speaker 03

  Hit the himnastio, queen.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  Es posible? Himnastio?

• 37:17Speaker 03

  Get your fat ass on the stairmaster. Yuck.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  I do like all bodies. I will say sometimes when people get too muscly, that to me is like, you're a bookshelf now at this point. Like, I don't see them sexually. Yeah, but then if it's a little bit like padded muscle, love that.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:33Speaker 04

  But outside of that, yeah, I'm like the Walmart greeter of just like.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  Do you have any idea how strong I am?

• 37:39Speaker 04

  No.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  It made me think of it.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  I've never been asked that before in my entire life.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  AJ, come on. Come on.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  It's so far.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Get on there.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  Give me some room.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Hold on, I'm coming, I'm coming.

• 37:52Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, Caleb.

• 37:54Speaker 03

  People don't know.

• 37:55Speaker 04

  He's really strong.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  People don't know. I would let you feel the thighs, but I'd have to get up to really.

• 38:00Speaker 04

  I have no, I think we're fine. I think we're good.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  My legs are.

• 38:04Speaker 04

  How did you get so strong?

• 38:05Speaker 03

  I just am lucky and blessed by God in many, many facets. But yeah, I'm incredibly strong. I could lift almost anything.

• 38:16Speaker 04

  I want to get that way. I want to have big arms and I want to have big chichis.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  You shouldn't have lost so much weight. You lost a bunch of weight.

• 38:23Speaker 04

  I did.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  And you, that's what happened. You don't have the, you don't have the girth anymore.

• 38:27Speaker 04

  And now to gain muscle, you have to be able to eat food. And I had weight loss surgery. So it's like you can only eat like a Ferrero Rocher at a time. And that's gonna take me forever.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  I know. It was really annoying to hang out with you after your weight loss surgery.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  It still does.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  No, you've gotten, you've gotten better.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  You've stretched it out a little bit.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Right after your weight loss surgery, it was really annoying to get meals with you.

• 38:43Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  Because you'd order something and take one bite and be like,

• 38:47Speaker 03

  oh, God, can we get out of here?

• 38:51Speaker 03

  I was like, God, can you undo it? Go back to Turkey and ask them to expand it. I was like, really attacked. I remember specifically, we ate at the Vig in Chicago. And I was like, you took like one bite of a meatball and you seriously?

• 39:04Speaker 04

  Okay, to be fair, it was high acid and that does.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  I was really pissed. I was like, AJ.

• 39:09Speaker 04

  It is so hard to balance it. And also too, I just like, even now, I'm like, I want to just floor like a dozen dumplings. And to be only to have like, only be able to have like three of them. I'm like, this is heartbreaking. It's tough.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:20Speaker 04

  And I have to eat those dumplings all the rest of the day. It sucks.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 04

  I did, when I got surgery, I told the guy, the guy that was doing it, Lewis in Istanbul somewhere. I was like, hey, can I also like, maybe do like, what if we did a fat transfer? I got like a really huge ass. And he was like, you can only do one or the other. Because if you lose weight, you're gonna lose the ass anyway. So it just wouldn't make sense.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  And I don't have an ass. I want, I want a big ass too.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. Are you squatting?

• 39:44Speaker 04

  No, I'm not doing anything. I did go, I got, I got a trainer recently and he was like, what's your fitness goal? And I was like, I want to be able to throw someone so hard, I kill them.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  Joking.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Cause I want to lighten the mood. I'm so uncomfortable at the gym. So I said that and he, without even smiling, goes, we can get you there.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Hey, listen to me. Take it seriously. We will. You will.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  And I was like, oh, it is possible.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  I love that. Is he hot? He kind of seemed hot when you imitated him.

• 40:16Speaker 04

  He's really hot.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  He seemed hot when you imitated him.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  We can get you there from like a hot guy being serious.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  For him to skip over the fact that I want to murder someone by just shoving them against a wall. And get right to the fact of like, he's thinking about the arms. He's thinking about the force.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  Yeah. He's like, push ups.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  He's like, that's in my skill set to get someone to do that. I'm like, have you done it before? Like,

• 40:34Speaker 03

  That's cool.

• 40:35Speaker 04

  It was hot to me.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  That is hot.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  So I'm gonna try that. We'll see. I don't know. That's crazy. I had no idea you're, you're bulked like that.

• 40:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm incredibly strong and I love it. I love to be so strong.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  I love to, I need to start lifting weights again. Cause I miss feeling strong, you know? I miss like showing off how strong I am.

• 40:55Speaker 04

  Are there any drawbacks to being so strong, Caleb?

• 41:01Speaker 03

  I mean genuinely.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  What's the downside of that?

• 41:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, it's like, it's a giant responsibility. Like, I could literally hurt you or anyone in this room. Like, if Nicole, like, if Nicole stepped to me right now, and like, she was literally just trying to, like, tidy the carpet or something, right? She's trying to, like, move the cords around. If she stepped to me in a way that accidentally felt aggressive, if Nicole took two steps towards me in an aggressive way, I might accidentally take her to the ground like that. And she would get extremely hurt because she's so small and I'm incredibly strong. If she, Nicole, come take two aggressive steps towards me right now.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  Get over here, Nicole.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  No, don't. I don't want you to have to get hurt.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  All men in the room, and you're like, I'm gonna put Nicole on the walls of Jericho. If Nicole, I'm gonna pile drive her into the ground.

• 41:46Speaker 03

  I could hurt you in chance as well, but I'm just, the biggest case is, like, the biggest, the biggest threat in the room right now is to Nicole because she's small.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  And also, she, she's, if she stepped towards me in an aggressive way.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  We saw you're gonna chop her in the neck.

• 42:02Speaker 03

  I fear that I would react.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I don't even know what that gesture is. It's like, is that her, you're bending her spine back?

• 42:08Speaker 03

  She's stepping to me, she's stepping to me aggressively to fix the cord. I'm grabbing her. I'm grabbing her, this is on the shoulder.

• 42:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  This is on the side of her head.

• 42:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  And I'm taking her down there.

• 42:19Speaker 04

  Down to the ground.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  I'm putting her. I'm putting her down there, and, and she would get extremely hurt due to the force of my muscles.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, so that's probably what you would say the downside is.

• 42:28Speaker 03

  So it's a drawback.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Because I don't want to hurt Nicole.

• 42:32Speaker 04

  I don't want to have to hurt Nicole.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  She's a sweet girl, she makes the show happen.

• 42:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  But I would put her down.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  It's the testosterone going through your body.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  I'm very, I have a lot of testosterone.

• 42:39Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  And I'm big and strong, and Nicole's so small, and if you ever step towards me aggressively, people should just know this, if you even step towards me in a way that could be misconstrued.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:49Speaker 03

  I would put you down.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  Doesn't matter what age, what protected traits you are.

• 42:54Speaker 03

  I don't care what your, yeah, identity is.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:57Speaker 03

  I would put, I would put a non-binary person through the wall. If they stepped to me on, in the wrong way.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  The elderly, the infirm?

• 43:07Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Do you like old people?

• 43:09Speaker 03

  Old people? Oh, I love them.

• 43:10Speaker 04

  Like, what do you mean?

• 43:11Speaker 03

  Oh, I love them.

• 43:12Speaker 04

  Like?

• 43:13Speaker 03

  What do you mean? What do I mean?

• 43:15Speaker 04

  What do you mean, love them?

• 43:16Speaker 03

  I love old people.

• 43:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know. I heard you.

• 43:18Speaker 03

  I think they're a fascinating cohort. Would I put them through the wall if they stepped towards me?

• 43:23Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, or like hook up with them?

• 43:24Speaker 03

  If an old person, if an old,

• 43:28Speaker 03

  if an old person stepped towards me aggressively, I fear that I would hurt them. Yeah. I don't want to. That's just when you're this strong, like, that's the risky run.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  You know? I would need to like-

• 43:37Speaker 04

  That'd be so sad to see.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  If I hurt an old person?

• 43:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:40Speaker 03

  I would hate it.

• 43:41Speaker 04

  I saw an old woman fall on the ice the other day, and I-

• 43:46Speaker 03

  No, that's horrible.

• 43:48Speaker 04

  And I pulled my phone out.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  Set it up.

• 43:53Speaker 03

  I watched her slide. She just slides.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  Recorded myself going over there to help her. No, I like, I had to obviously keep it.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  Did you actually see an old lady fall?

• 44:05Speaker 04

  I did. I did.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  Dude, one time, I was walking with a friend through Brooklyn, and this woman, she was-

• 44:15Speaker 03

  It's not funny. She was my sister, and I love her. But this woman, this woman came like barreling around the corner. She must have been in like her 40s. She came barreling around the corner.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  She came barreling around the corner, and she's not old, so you don't feel as bad. But she comes barreling around the corner, she like slips on a newspaper or something, and she like flies through the air, falls, hits the ground, rolls, hits her head on a city trash can. And then she's like, ah, ah! And I go over and I'm like, I go over and I'm like, oh, my God, are you okay? I'm so, that's so scary. I'm so sorry. I'm like helping her up, and she's bleeding. She's bleeding. She like scraped her hand really bad. Her hair's all fucked up, and she's like, I'm good, I'm good. And I was like, I was like, come here, let's go get you some water and a Band-Aid or something. I'm trying to, she's like, no, I'm good, I'm good. You sweet soul, I'm good, I'm good. Called me a sweet soul, which was nice.

• 45:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's really nice, actually.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  I was like, let me get you some Band-Aids or something. I was like, are you okay? Can I call you an Uber or something? Like, where you need to go? And she was like, she was like, I'm good, I'm good. And then she like limped away bleeding. And I never saw her again, but I like spent the rest of the evening like thinking about her.

• 45:19Speaker 04

  That sucks. I'm sorry that she did that to you.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  I know. I hate that it happened to me.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  She ruined my evening.

• 45:25Speaker 04

  She fucked your evening up.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  When she hit that trash can, I was like, girl.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  I mean, she truly was running around the corner, slipped on a newspaper, flew through the air, banged her head on the trash can.

• 45:35Speaker 04

  I, well, at least you tried to help her. I, I saw that old woman fall and I know, like, I know exactly what it would look like trying to help someone. Like, you know when people are already helping, like, I want to go over there and just be like,

• 45:46Speaker 04

  oh, my god.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  Girl, someone was already helping her.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  I'm not even bending my knees.

• 45:50Speaker 03

  How old was she?

• 45:51Speaker 04

  I'm just kind of like at the waist, like, oh.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  How old was the woman?

• 45:54Speaker 04

  I don't care. And she was just, you know, I know. You know, old enough to visibly be like, that's an old person. And you know what? Old people fall a certain way. They fall a very, it's like, they don't like, they don't like, fall like, they fall fully flat back.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  You know, there's no, because like, they're not limber and loose.

• 46:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  It's just fully flat, and that's how I could tell.

• 46:15Speaker 03

  That's why you had to do yoga.

• 46:17Speaker 04

  I know.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  You have to do yoga.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  I'm trying to.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  You have to be doing yoga. I'm doing yoga three or four times a day.

• 46:22Speaker 04

  Really? Right, are you doing it right now?

• 46:26Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, this is yoga. I will be limber.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  At an old age, when I fall, it will be beautiful.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  You're gonna fall into the splits.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  And pull yourself back out.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  No, really, do you think she broke anything or was hurt?

• 46:36Speaker 04

  Probably. I think, I think so. I think so. I'm serious. I don't know. There was three people already over there. If I, if I go, you guys, if I go over there, people are gonna know I'm faking out.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:51Speaker 04

  People know when I'm like, my heart wasn't in it. If it happened closer, if I was first on the scene, it would be different. I'm walking, I'm, I'm crossing the street to three other people, what am I gonna do? Like, kind of like, hold my arms like this?

• 47:04Speaker 03

  My heart wasn't in it.

• 47:06Speaker 04

  Like, there was nothing to do. Someone's already on the phone calling, someone's already holding her, what am I gonna do?

• 47:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:12Speaker 04

  Offer, holding her?

• 47:16Speaker 04

  Someone's scooping the fragments of her skull back together.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  Someone's already on the phone calling. Someone's holding her.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  Where do I fit in?

• 47:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:26Speaker 04

  And my bus is like, it's coming. There's a bus coming.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  I don't want to miss my bus.

• 47:30Speaker 04

  It's 10 minute wait.

• 47:30Speaker 03

  Well, two rights don't make two wrongs don't make a right. If I miss my bus and she fell down, nothing got better.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  It's a lose lose. Someone should be winning out of here and it should be me.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  Anyway, sorry to her. Sorry to her family. R I P to the diva. To the diva.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  R I P to a doll.

• 47:44Speaker 04

  Yeah. Low canumally loved her down.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  We lost the doll.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  We lost, yeah.

• 47:49Speaker 03

  We did not protect the dolls.

• 47:51Speaker 04

  No. God needed an angel that day, a really old angel, and he needed it in a bad way. That kind of was really sad to see.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  Oh, AJ, that's horrible. That's horrible.

• 48:02Speaker 04

  I know.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  I'm starving right now.

• 48:03Speaker 04

  I know, I'm so hungry.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  We have sushi on the way, but it can't come as quick enough.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  No.

• 48:07Speaker 03

  I'm just hungry as can be.

• 48:09Speaker 04

  I know.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  Hungry, hungry caterpillar.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  I could eat a leaf right now.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, you have to bulk up. It's the strength. That's the muscles. You have to beat the shit out of Nicole after this.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Nicole, Nicole, Nicole's bringing the sushi over. I put her on the ground.

• 48:24Speaker 04

  And you better believe if that tuna bowl comes at me in an aggressive way.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  If she were to step at me with the tuna bowl in a way that I wasn't clear on what was happening, I would hurt her and I would never want to hurt Nicole.

• 48:34Speaker 04

  Have you ever been in a fight?

• 48:35Speaker 03

  Sweet girl. Oh, yeah.

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Really?

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:37Speaker 04

  Did you win?

• 48:38Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:39Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  She was quite a bit older.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  She was quite a bit older, this woman.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 48:44Speaker 03

  But she stepped towards me in an aggressive manner and I put her to the ground.

• 48:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:50Speaker 04

  I've never, wow, I didn't know that about you.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:52Speaker 04

  This is all fresh to me.

• 48:54Speaker 03

  What else do you want to know?

• 48:57Speaker 03

  Ask me anything.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 48:59Speaker 03

  Why don't you ask me something for once? I'm tired of interviewing you.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  I just, I just asked you if you fought someone. You said, yeah, aggressive steps, pushed to the ground. You hit another woman. We got that.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  What's your middle name?

• 49:09Speaker 04

  Jerick.

• 49:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, Austin. Austin Jerick.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  Andrew Jerick.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Austin Jerick, American.

• 49:16Speaker 04

  American. Oh, my God, yeah.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  Austin Jerick, American.

• 49:19Speaker 04

  Yep, the all American.

• 49:20Speaker 03

  Madokin.

• 49:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, Madokin. Yeah, you didn't like, sometimes people say my last name, they say it like with a flourish. They're like, Madokin. And I'm like, why are you saying it like that?

• 49:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 49:29Speaker 04

  Like show hosts, like you have like castanets no one can see. Just say it normal.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, they're trying to be respectful of your culture.

• 49:35Speaker 04

  What's your middle name?

• 49:36Speaker 03

  Daniel.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  Caleb Daniel.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  That's a hot name.

• 49:40Speaker 03

  Caleb means bold.

• 49:46Speaker 03

  You gonna get the other one? You're gonna get the other one for good. You cower. Caleb means bold. Daniel means my grandpa.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 49:54Speaker 03

  My grandpa's name.

• 49:55Speaker 04

  My grandpa.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  Bold grandpa.

• 49:58Speaker 03

  Caleb Daniel.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  My, I don't know what Andrew or Jerick means. It's not my business.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  Jerick is extremely white guy from Kansas business.

• 50:05Speaker 04

  It is.

• 50:06Speaker 03

  That's very white guy from Kansas business. I don't know what your mom was thinking.

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Well, she's a white woman from Kansas, so it was probably on track.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  But your dad didn't get involved?

• 50:15Speaker 04

  I think he had some say. I think he was like, oh, well, yeah, they had some say about like Andrew. His middle name's Andrew. But is this, is this, is that anything? Who cares?

• 50:23Speaker 03

  Your dad is so gay.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  My dad is not gay. My dad just appreciates the finer things.

• 50:33Speaker 04

  He does. He's like, it's such, it's so funny to see him like be like so, like I would have friends come over and he'd be like, Orlando, have you ever had a friend whose dad has shoes imported from Italy? Let me show you this closet. He like shows off his shoes. He was like, have you ever seen a guy who has 11 Rolexes and pulls out like 11 Rolexes? He's just a very like, kind of like Guido Scarface-y type of guy.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's cute. That's adorable.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  Like I posted a picture on my story the other day, picking up his shirt from the cleaners and it was just a silk Scarface shirt. And all the buttons on it were guns, like just chrome guns. And like the lady at the cleaners handed it to me and I was like, it was heavy because of the gun buttons. And I'm like, that's something that he likes to wear.

• 51:14Speaker 03

  Hey, he likes that shirt. I don't know. Let's clean it up.

• 51:16Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 51:16Speaker 03

  That's really sweet. How often are you back in Kansas?

• 51:20Speaker 04

  Like once a year. What about you? You have a house? You tried getting me to get a house in Kansas City and you're hardly ever there.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  I still think you should. It's not about me being there. It's a great investment. I want you to put down roots. I'm tired of seeing you on the run. I think, I'm glad, I will say, I'm very, very glad that you've put down some roots in New York. It's making me very happy. AJ, I'm serious. When you told me you were getting a place, because what the listeners might not know is that for a number of years, you had no home. You were, you were bouncing around the world. Every time I checked in with you, you'd be doing a new, and it's very fabulous and chic, but I worried about your heart and soul. And when I found out you were getting a lease in New York, I'm not kidding. I, when you told me that later on that day, I just sat like this and went. That makes me so happy. I just like to see you have some stability.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  Yuck.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  Because I worry about you.

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, you were happy when I was no longer unhoused, as you were saying.

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't like, I don't like you being a runabout and a vagrant.

• 52:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I always felt that from you.

• 52:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  I'm glad to be here, too. I love being in New York.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  What's your favorite thing about New York City?

• 52:18Speaker 04

  Everyone here is really hot, even when they don't need to be. I know we keep coming back to this. I'm always just like, everyone's hot, but they are. Like, every single person, like, the ugliest person is like, even still, they can get it.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  Because they're in New York.

• 52:31Speaker 04

  They're in New York.

• 52:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:32Speaker 04

  And then, um, what else?

• 52:35Speaker 03

  Also, everything is hot in New York.

• 52:36Speaker 04

  Food here is so good.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  The food is amazing.

• 52:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:38Speaker 03

  But everything is hot in New York because, about people, because it's like, if you're dressed really fashionably and uncomfortable looking, that's incredibly difficult to do. Like, I know you probably walked two miles in those shoes, so I'm like, that's hot. Or if you're wearing, like, when a really hot guy in New York wears, like, jeans and running shoes, like, really practical, I'm like, oh my god. I need you so bad. Like, I love, I just, everything is hot in New York. I don't know why.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  It really is. I, yeah, I can't get enough of it so far. And then, again, going back to food, I am just fucking it up.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:06Speaker 04

  I mean, you know what I mean?

• 53:06Speaker 03

  Two, three bites today?

• 53:10Speaker 03

  Oh, man, you're putting away one, two spoonfuls or something.

• 53:13Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. And, yeah, and they're good.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  They're good spoonfuls.

• 53:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, and you're just feeling as full as you've ever felt.

• 53:18Speaker 04

  How long are you gonna be staying in New York?

• 53:19Speaker 03

  New York?

• 53:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:20Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 53:20Speaker 04

  You can be here for a while.

• 53:21Speaker 03

  Like, this trip?

• 53:22Speaker 04

  Just in general.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Like, how long will I have at least, like, a place here?

• 53:25Speaker 04

  You move around quite a bit, too.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  I move around.

• 53:27Speaker 04

  Not in an unhoused way.

• 53:28Speaker 03

  But I'm not running from anything, and you know that.

• 53:30Speaker 04

  Yeah. What are you running towards, Caleb?

• 53:32Speaker 03

  What am I running towards? Happiness, joy, excitement, bigger muscles. Um, good meals, time with friends, uh, seeing the world, um, concerts, um, essay books. I love an essay book.

• 53:49Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, you're a reader.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  I'm a reader.

• 53:51Speaker 04

  What are you into right now?

• 53:52Speaker 03

  You know what? I've become way more of a reader in the last, like, three years. There was a period there in my adult life where I really was not reading, and it's a humiliating, dark chapter in my life.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  A chapter?

• 54:03Speaker 03

  A chapter.

• 54:03Speaker 04

  You are reading.

• 54:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, cover to cover, baby.

• 54:06Speaker 04

  Are you like a nonfiction person? Are you doing like the fairy sex book stuff? Fantasy stuff?

• 54:11Speaker 03

  Never. Unfortunately, I can't access whatever those people are accessing.

• 54:14Speaker 04

  It is crazy.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  I'm reading, yeah, I'm reading mostly nonfiction. Right now, I'm reading Work Won't Love You Back. It's a book about like the origins of like work and labor and who gets paid for what and why. It's pretty good. It's a little dense.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  It's about my level.

• 54:29Speaker 03

  I, there's a book called All Things Are Too Small that I loved last year. It's a really good essay book on like maximalism and minimalism. I just finished another David Sedaris book. I love him. He only annoys me half the time.

• 54:42Speaker 04

  See, that's good.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  David Sedaris. Half the time, I think he's brilliant and half the time, I find him so annoying. And I say that with like deep gay guy reverence.

• 54:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  Like David Sedaris, to me, is an icon.

• 54:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:51Speaker 03

  And sometimes he'll do like a little bit of like a conservative, older gay guy thing where he's like, "I don't want to be queer. I just want to be gay." And it's like, shut up. But then he'll describe an interaction at the supermarket that I'm like, you're one of our most brilliant minds.

• 55:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, absolutely. I think that's also important to have with anybody. You want to be kind of like half annoyed with them.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  I like problematic figures. I like, I love, part of the reason I loved Lena Dunham is because she was always saying something she had no business saying.

• 55:16Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:16Speaker 03

  And I think that's amazing. That's what our public figures are supposed to be.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  I love Lena.

• 55:19Speaker 03

  I don't do enough of it. I play it too safe. If anything, I need to push more into that territory.

• 55:27Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:28Speaker 04

  No, I think you do a good job of it.

• 55:30Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 55:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're someone's half annoying gay guy, I'm sure.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm most people's. I'm most people's half annoying gay guy.

• 55:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  That's what kind of bothers me sometimes when people think I don't know that I'm annoying. You think I don't know?

• 55:40Speaker 04

  Oh, you know.

• 55:41Speaker 03

  I know.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  You know how to turn on, you know how to direct it.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  I like it.

• 55:44Speaker 04

  That's good.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  I like to be a little annoying. You know what I don't do? And I wonder if you, how often you think you do this? Because you and I have a similar skill. You and I both have the absolute power to undo somebody. Like, I feel like we could both see someone, meet someone, and figure out exactly what would like bring them apart. Like, like how to insult them to their core.

• 56:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  I do not use it.

• 56:08Speaker 04

  No, it's always there, though.

• 56:10Speaker 03

  It's there, and I know I can do it because I've done it in extreme circumstances when I've been cornered like a rat and needed to chew my way out.

• 56:15Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  But the skill is there. Do you remember the last time you used it?

• 56:20Speaker 04

  Probably accidentally after like a fourth martini like two weeks ago.

• 56:23Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's when it starts unlocking for me. I'm like, oh, I could be so mean right now. Or also like someone like elbow checks me. I don't like that. At that point, I get like really heated.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  Or on the road, terrible road rage.

• 56:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  I get so mad when I drive. I want everyone to die.

• 56:36Speaker 03

  I get mad walking a lot.

• 56:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  It's a pretty clear system.

• 56:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:40Speaker 03

  That people cannot figure out.

• 56:42Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, there's a trap. There's traffic lanes.

• 56:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:44Speaker 04

  Also, walk with purpose.

• 56:46Speaker 03

  If you need to do this, pull over, bitch.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 56:49Speaker 03

  Find a fucking outlet.

• 56:50Speaker 04

  The stairs up from the train, someone starts rearranging their bag mid-step, I'll kill us both. I'll take us both down the staircase.

• 56:57Speaker 03

  I'm grabbing them, I'm putting them down.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  I'm dead liking them right there. I get so mad.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  You jump up and grab them and just fall backwards.

• 57:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm ready to go. It pisses me off to no end.

• 57:09Speaker 03

  I don't like it. People have got to learn how to walk.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:12Speaker 03

  People, or God forbid, you're walking, someone steps up. This is one of my biggest pet peeves in New York, any major city, when you are stepping out of a building, onto a busy street that has two lanes of traffic, the right side is for walking that way, and the left, that way. When you are stepping out into a traffic lane, you need to immediately match the pace of the people walking, or you need to step out and step off. People who walk out of a store and just kind of

• 57:37Speaker 03

  start looking around.

• 57:38Speaker 04

  Kill yourself.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  Check that phone before you leave the fucking restaurant.

• 57:41Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 57:41Speaker 03

  I cannot stand it. Figure out the direction you're going before you step outside.

• 57:46Speaker 04

  People having that like, I love this city moment, great, do it fucking elsewhere. It's pissing me off.

• 57:51Speaker 03

  Love it on a side street.

• 57:52Speaker 04

  Get away from here.

• 57:53Speaker 03

  Love it on a one-way street.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  I love that we think about as traffic, because I really do. I can visualize myself like I'm in a mini-vehicle.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 57:59Speaker 04

  I'm merging into this walking lane.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:01Speaker 04

  And I hate too when people take up too much spots on the sidewalk, and you have to kind of do that thing. I have to like, start like, do like a half jog to get around them.

• 58:08Speaker 03

  Oh, when a group of friends is like five abreast on a sidewalk, having their fucking girls moment, Shoshana and Marnie need to fucking line up. Pull them behind you.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  Take it out.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  Stop. You can't walk four abreast on a public sidewalk. Move into line and start, you know, but then I understand that it's, there's no, there's no my life. There's just capital L. Life and I'm just a player in it.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  It's helpful to talk these things through. Look, you reached like a new solution.

• 58:32Speaker 03

  No, it's, this is what it is though. I get so frustrated by things and then I, I get frustrated for like a minute and 15 seconds. And then I go, that doesn't matter. And it's not your, you're not the king.

• 58:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:44Speaker 03

  You know, if I were king of the world, all water would be Dr. Pepper, but I'm not.

• 58:47Speaker 04

  Oh my God. Yes. And we need that.

• 58:50Speaker 03

  There wouldn't be water.

• 58:51Speaker 04

  There would not be water.

• 58:52Speaker 03

  It'd just be Dr. Pepper.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  I fucking hate water. This is all ever clear. Oh wait, is water a sponsor of the show? I love water. It's so good.

• 59:04Speaker 03

  H2O, like the compound of water sponsors the show?

• 59:07Speaker 04

  No, of course not. No, water's good. It's fine.

• 59:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's important.

• 59:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. Should it be darker? Should it be carbonated? Should it have sugar?

• 59:16Speaker 03

  Sugar for sure. Of course it should. Of course it should.

• 59:20Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 59:21Speaker 03

  AJ, what's so true to you?

• 59:22Speaker 04

  Oh God, yeah. Oh, a lot of things actually.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  Oh my fucking God, you didn't prepare.

• 59:26Speaker 04

  I did, I did. So true to me, I would say, I think that people should be really generous with their close friends stories in terms of who they allow on to their close friends, specifically me.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  AJ.

• 59:40Speaker 04

  No, bye. What, I can be more detailed than that. Also too, it's like.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  No, I like that. I was, I was just going along.

• 59:45Speaker 04

  Okay. Well, do you agree?

• 59:47Speaker 03

  What? No. What do you mean? What do you mean that you should just be on everyone's close friend story?

• 59:51Speaker 04

  I think a lot of people should add me their close friend story. Yeah. With the caveat of this, and it's the other part of this so true is, don't use your close friend's story to post shit that is like, I don't know. Make it juicy. Make it good. Show your butthole a little bit.

• 1:00:06Speaker 03

  I do this.

• 1:00:06Speaker 04

  You, you do a great job.

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  My close friends is not interesting. You don't have to lie.

• 1:00:09Speaker 04

  It is. It is industry, industry. Well, it is interesting. No, it's like very like, uh, you get a little bit of insight into who you are, but like I have people who will put me on close friends like, hey, the stuff that's going on, you know, in the news right now kinda sucks. Girl, shut the fuck up.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  Shut the fuck up.

• 1:00:24Speaker 04

  Like, show me that.

• 1:00:26Speaker 03

  Also, why couldn't that be posted on main?

• 1:00:28Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  I get annoyed when people post things on close that so clearly belongs to main. Like you, they'll post something like that, that they're like, everything's crazy right now, hope we're all doing well. I'm like, you can post that to main. What do you have going on that that can't be on main?

• 1:00:40Speaker 04

  Also, just like get a therapist. Like, don't do that here with me. Like, give me some juicy gossip, a picture that is like really inappropriate, or yeah, that's really it.

• 1:00:51Speaker 03

  AJ, if you want to look up porn, you're totally allowed to.

• 1:00:53Speaker 04

  I'm seeing porn every day, whether I like it or not.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  I'm a gay man on Twitter.

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:58Speaker 04

  You know?

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  On Twitter?

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  On X.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  You're on X?

• 1:01:01Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  I love it. I'm watching, I'm just seeing everyone's like discourse about like stupid shit. It's so funny.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  You might be the only person I know who's on X.

• 1:01:10Speaker 04

  I'm on Snapchat.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  Are you?

• 1:01:12Speaker 04

  I am on Snapchat.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  You're on Snapchat?

• 1:01:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, me diverting from X.

• 1:01:17Speaker 04

  Here's something worse. I am on Snapchat.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  I didn't know that about you.

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's so good. And like the little story highlights, like this woman paid 11 million dollars, took like a polar bear. And I watched that shit down. It's, I had to tap through it for like almost half an hour.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  I can't believe you're on X and Snapchat.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  I am. I'm on Truth Social.

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  I'm on Blue Sky, I'm posting.

• 1:01:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  I'm an influencer on Blue Sky.

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  But yeah, that's what I feel about, um, close friends. Give something juicy.

• 1:01:42Speaker 03

  I agree. I, sometimes gay guy, close friends is so difficult because it's like, gay guy, close friends is two things. Gay guy, close friends is either nudes, and it's sometimes nudes you want to see and sometimes nudes you don't. Sometimes you get added to a gay guy, close friends that you're like, whoa, I, I've never seen you naked before and now I have. And am I supposed to be wanting to fuck you? Like, what is the idea?

• 1:02:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's actually exciting.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  Then, another thing I've noticed about gay guy, close friends is that they're like criticizing pop albums.

• 1:02:06Speaker 04

  Stop.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  It's like, you can criticize that pop album on main. They're like, they're like, they're being like, ooh, not her best work. And it's like, you're not, yeah, post that on main. That doesn't need to be on close.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  They're like, oh, she thought she shit in the mother toilet and didn't wash her hands and she did it. And it's like, you can say that literally anywhere.

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  You don't have to say that at all, but if you do.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  The fact that you thought that I wanted to be included in that with you could not be more wrong.

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  Gay guy, close friends is a very nefarious space.

• 1:02:31Speaker 04

  But when someone has that delete this gif and it's like over them like showing like wiener neck.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:35Speaker 04

  I'm like, yeah, I'm here for that.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  Let me stick around.

• 1:02:38Speaker 03

  You say wiener neck?

• 1:02:39Speaker 04

  Wiener neck, like the base of the wiener.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 1:02:41Speaker 04

  Um. Are they a sponsor of the show?

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  Water and wiener neck.

• 1:02:45Speaker 04

  Water and wiener neck.

• 1:02:46Speaker 03

  Wiener neck really upset me and I'm not kidding.

• 1:02:48Speaker 04

  I, I, I saw it in your face.

• 1:02:49Speaker 03

  I don't know why you said that and it like really upset me.

• 1:02:52Speaker 04

  You know what I'm talking about? The shoulder.

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  I don't know why you put wiener neck. All right. Are you ready?

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false.

• 1:03:02Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  If you get 10 or more correct, AJ, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:03:06Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  From Water.

• 1:03:07Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck, let's.

• 1:03:09Speaker 03

  Water is sponsoring the segment. Um, okay, you ready? We are open, by the way, I just want to tell any sponsors listening, we are open to selling this segment for a lot of money. If anyone wants to sponsor this segment, go ahead and reach out to Wave. Thank you. You ready?

• 1:03:22Speaker 04

  Let's do it.

• 1:03:22Speaker 03

  Gwyneth Paltrow is an only child.

• 1:03:24Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  False, one brother. The band The Who was formed in Australia.

• 1:03:27Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:03:27Speaker 03

  False, England. Garden City, Kansas, has sister cities in Italy and Costa Rica.

• 1:03:31Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:03:32Speaker 03

  True. Florida is the closest US state to Africa.

• 1:03:36Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:03:36Speaker 03

  False, it's Maine. Bats are the only mammals that can fly.

• 1:03:40Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:03:40Speaker 03

  True. An RPO in football stands for run-powered offense.

• 1:03:44Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  False, run-pass option. Mad TV ran for 15 seasons.

• 1:03:49Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  True. Zero, zero is an even number.

• 1:03:53Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:03:57Speaker 03

  Google was originally called Backrub. Google was originally, Google was originally called Backrub.

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  Backrub? False.

• 1:04:04Speaker 03

  True. Lightning never strikes the same place twice.

• 1:04:07Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:04:08Speaker 03

  False. Charlie XCX's middle name is Emma.

• 1:04:12Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  True. A standard game of bowling consists of 12 frames.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  It's 10. Subway is older than Jersey Mike's.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  Subway?

• 1:04:23Speaker 03

  Is older than Jersey Mike's.

• 1:04:24Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  False. Snakes have eyelids.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  False. Dwight D Eisenhower is born in Kansas.

• 1:04:30Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  False, born in Texas, raised in Kansas. How'd he do?

• 1:04:34Speaker 04

  A strong six.

• 1:04:37Speaker 03

  Is that like the worst we've had in a really long time?

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  That is so crazy to ask me about zero being an even number. That actually pissed me off.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  The one that got you?

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  That really made me upset. And also the one that I got right was Charlie's middle name being Emma. Which is a beautiful middle name.

• 1:04:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, Charlie, Emma XCX, yeah.

• 1:04:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  I hated that.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  I don't write the questions.

• 1:04:56Speaker 04

  Who does?

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  Uh, Nicole.

• 1:05:00Speaker 04

  To the ground, Nicole.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  No, it's Chance. Chance does it. I just didn't want you to have to fight a man.

• 1:05:06Speaker 04

  Well, if you're not gonna fight one.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  No, I would never fight a man. I have so much respect for men. Women, on the other hand.

• 1:05:10Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  You know, your misogyny is pretty pronounced. Why do you have such a problem with women?

• 1:05:14Speaker 04

  I love women.

• 1:05:15Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:05:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, don't put that on me.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  I was actually thinking today, I don't listen to any music by men whatsoever.

• 1:05:23Speaker 03

  You're a pick me.

• 1:05:24Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:05:28Speaker 04

  Drake.

• 1:05:29Speaker 03

  How, oh.

• 1:05:30Speaker 04

  I know, I know. Stop.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  I listen to a lot of Eminem. Not kidding, lately especially. Lately especially, I've been listening to a lot of Eminem.

• 1:05:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, we could tell by how you talked about throwing Nicole to the ground.

• 1:05:41Speaker 03

  If she stepped towards me aggressively.

• 1:05:43Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  And I didn't know. If I didn't see the sushi, I would put her to the ground. Nicole has been, I wish my, everyone who can't see, Nicole has been watching me do this every time like this. She has one finger over her mouth just smiling.

• 1:05:59Speaker 04

  I listen to Eminem, no one blinks.

• 1:06:01Speaker 03

  Because she doesn't think I'll put her on the ground. Do you want to tell people where they can find you?

• 1:06:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm no longer on the streets. I'm in an apartment now. You can find me on Instagram, at AJ Deluxe.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  I love you.

• 1:06:11Speaker 04

  I love you so much.

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  Thanks for doing it, honey. You want to get the other arm just to be safe?

• 1:06:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, get me in there. It's Christ.

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, we'll get the thighs off camera.

• 1:06:20Speaker 04

  Thighs off cam.

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  But you need to know about the thighs. Have you, have you guys felt my muscles?

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  Nicole, do you want to grab my thigh later?

• 1:06:27Speaker 04

  Don't do it, Nicole. It's a trick.

• 1:06:29Speaker 03

  Nicole, actually, am I allowed to talk like this to people?

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  This is Nicole's exhibit A.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  This could be in a courtroom someday. Alright, we did it.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

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• 1:07:10Speaker 00

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• 1:07:25Speaker 05

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