That Heifer Nancy Reagan Loved D.A.R.E. with Ms. Pat

The iconic stand-up comedian Ms. Pat makes her debut on Scam Goddess. Laci tries to gently break the news that the D. A. R. E. program was designed by the same man who was in charge when Rodney King was beaten by the police and who invented SWAT. Ms. Pat discusses sharing a Sears credit card, past scheming, and Smokey the Bear. SOCIALS: Ms. Pat: @comediennemspat https://www.instagram.com/comediennemspat/?hl=en Laci Mosley: @divalaci WE'RE ON YOUTUBE: Join us on YouTube! See Laci, the guests, and fraudsters: https://www.youtube.com/@ScamGoddess Pre-Order Ms. Pats book here: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Ms-American-Dream/Patricia-Williams-Lee/9781668044216 SOURCES https://www.instagram.com/p/DQ2isCBlVhw/ https://www.publicbooks.org/dare-is-more-than-just-anti-drug-education-it-is-police-propaganda/ https://www.npr.org/2023/11/09/1211217460/fentanyl-drug-education-dare https://www.silvermistrecovery.com/the-downfall-of-d-a-r-e-how-a-failed-program-shaped-substance-use-trends/ https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/dope/dare/truth.html https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1448384/ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09687637.2016.1208731 https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1993-09-09-mn-33226-story.html https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/09/dare-history-police-surveillance-schools.html https://priceonomics.com/dare-the-anti-drug-program-that-never-actually/ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/dare-program-reshape-image-police-officers See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Laci Mosley?

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• 2:34Laci Mosley?

  Making plans with asthma can be awful. It always goes from, "That sounds fun", to, "In this weather, what if my asthma acts up?" I got tired of saying no, so my doctor suggested Dupixent. I'm Rachel, and I'm sponsored by Regeneron in Santa Fe to share my story with real patients like me.

• 2:48Speaker 06

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• 3:00Laci Mosley?

  Dupixent helps people breathe better in as little as two weeks. And now, I don't even think twice about saying yes to plans more. Rain or shine.

• 3:07Speaker 06

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• 3:27Laci Mosley?

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• 4:23Speaker 01

  What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, aka Scam Goddess, back with another installment of the comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them. One thing's for sure, we likely will laugh at them, but never at the victims. Congregation, parasocial girlies, I'm very what? Yes, I'm very excited, I'm very thrilled, I'm very elated. I truly feel like I manifested this iconic guest today. Put, threw another crystal up on the octagon, and, and look at that. The universe provides. She's looking at me like, "What is this?" Patricia Williams Lee, better known by her stage name, Miss Pat, is an American stand-up comedian, actress, best known as the lead and namesake of The Miss Pat Show, which is hilarious. She also hosts the podcast, The Pat Down with Miss Pat.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Welcome. How are you, Miss Pat? This ain't no confession, is it? No, no, we're not trapping you. This is not a trap. Well, yeah, I mean, that shit is old. You ain't going to jail. Well, see, I do want to know a little bit. I was gonna ask you, Miss Pat, like, what's your relationship with scams? Do you love them, you hate them, you got any that you ran? I say, do what you gotta do. Just don't vote my money. Amen. Amen. Have you ever had someone try to run a scam on you, or? Yeah, yes. By what? Them people who call all the time. I just had somebody recently call me and say,

• 5:39Speaker 01

  "I'm calling from TruBank for your department, and I need to talk to you because somebody's trying to get in your account." I said, "Look, I'm gonna tell you this, because I love you. Go play in your pussy, it's more exciting." I said, "First of all, I don't have a Tru account, you dumb fuck. Call me back when you got Bank of America, and I ain't got them either." Not you giving tips? I always, he was like, "Fuck you, bitch", and he hung up. So I love when they call me with these scams. Because I'm like, and I told him, I said, "I understand you need money, but so do I. But I just stopped doing what you're doing today, so get the fuck off my phone." Period. Yeah. I don't like how he was like, "Fuck you, bitch", like, "What do you mean? You, you called to rob me. How you getting mad?"

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Well, that's all right, 'cause I fucked up his robbery. It was like calling the police. Fair. Yeah. Fair enough, yeah. You got in the way of his scheme by not giving him money. I feel like scammers used to be more gracious, though, but as we see the economy... They used to be classic. Yeah. They had class. They don't have no class these days. Yeah. They don't. They just, you know, back in the day when I forced chicks, I know it was covered by the FDA, whoever the fuck covered the money at the FDIC. Yeah, that's the food people, them two. But, you know, I would write your check in good places. I wouldn't write it for no bullshit. You know, I would write it for big screen TVs, 'cause I didn't want you to have a whole lot of chicks that you had to tell the bank to bounce. I just wanted you to have a few chicks that bounced, so I made big purchases.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  I love the math of that. It's like, "Look, I could've come in here and got three chapsticks with a bad chick, but no, I got six flat screens, and that's better for all of us." What no flat screens back then, young lady? They was, uh... Oh, was it with the booty in the back? Yes. Yeah, I'm 54. Okay, listen. I, I still remember the booty-back TV, and I only remember it because if I got on punishment and I wasn't allowed to watch TV, and I tried to sneak and watch TV, my parents would come home and they'd like rub the back to see if it was hot. Damn, what kind of TV y'all TV, ragged as hell?

• 7:37Speaker 01

  That's a beat up. No, that was like the first, this was like the first big-screen TV, but it had a booty on the back. Yes, it was back, yeah. Yeah. No, we had Fight Night at our house. It was a very classy, large television. Those were called big-screen TVs. Yeah, big screen. Yeah, big screen, yeah. It wasn't flat, but it was, it was tall. Yes, it was very tall. That was like right when TiVo came out, and I'm... They was, they was big. They was like 50-some inches. Yeah, no, it was like you could stand next to it. Yes. It would be your height. Yeah. And I remember when TiVo came out, because it was like, my parents had gotten a TiVo like right as that Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake Super Bowl had happened. So they kept rewinding it when the titty popped out. Yes. And that's how I remember... Janet did a lot for the internet that day, truly. She did. Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  She needed y'all to leave her brother the fuck alone. They needed to leave the whole Jackson family alone. They've given us enough, okay? They'd been scooting and dipping and skipping and dancing since infancy. They don't give a fuck. They rich. That's true. Now, so when you would like, okay, so when you would allegedly write a check or something, was it like...

• 8:43Laci Mosley?

  Like, was it, you were targeting like a certain store? Was it like, oh, I just kinda need this today. I gotta wait for the money to come. Or like post-dated and put like a little like, y'all come back in two weeks to get this, or?

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Uh, young lady, I wasn't using my checks. I was using other people's checks.

• 8:56Laci Mosley?

  Oh, kiting.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Excuse me?

• 8:58Laci Mosley?

  Oh, it's.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  What is it called?

• 9:01Laci Mosley?

  It's called check kiting.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Kiting?

• 9:03Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  No, it's called check forgery.

• 9:05Laci Mosley?

  It's also, it also is called forgery. Oh, my gosh. You don't put me in the spot? I'm in my thirties.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz it's a big difference here. You're using different words for, for the same crime.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  Kiting, what the fuck is check kiting?

• 9:19Laci Mosley?

  You're right.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Well, when I was, when I was young like you, it was.

• 9:23Laci Mosley?

  You were so very young.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not, I'm old as fuck. It was just called check forgery. So, my, my brother used to break in people's houses. And a lot of times, he would steal a car from downtown. And once he stole a car, the, you know, people always leave their purse of shit in their car. Like, they checkbook. So, he would come by where I sold drugs at, and like, you want these checks booked? And so, before I got into check forgery, I really didn't know how to fucking write a check or anything. So, I would give them to this crackhead who wrote them. And then I said, well, teach me how to do it. And the crackhead taught me how to forge checks.

• 9:56Laci Mosley?

  Crackheads have so many skills.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  Yes, and so, that's how I got into forging checks.

• 10:01Laci Mosley?

  I love that. I love that the crackhead let you, like, put you on game, too.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 10:04Laci Mosley?

  And like, was like, let me teach you.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  How to make a license. Back in those days, you would take your, your, um, your, your parking ticket.

• 10:11Laci Mosley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  And you would, somebody old parking ticket, you would, uh, pull, um, fingernail polish remover over it to erase it. And then you would put a carbon copy and then put two up under each other. And then you would fill the information out. And it'll look like it came straight out of a police, uh, traffic ticket book.

• 10:27Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my God, this is beautiful.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  And so, we would, we would make our own traffic tickets. Because that's all you needed. Then we would go and get a piece of like work ID to go along with it. Bam, and you was able to go out and write that whole book in a day.

• 10:43Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my God, that's so beautiful. Like, I wish that scammers were still working that hard. I feel like as technology has progressed, now they call you on the phone, pretend to be a big time, so fuck you if you say no. Like, what? Get out here, get some acetone.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  And if you notice that, and sometime you be like, somebody's trying to log into your account. So, all they do is they buy the stuff on the black web. And all they do is just constantly try to get into your account. I, I changed my pass codes. Like, now I'm down to, I'm trying to start, I'm almost down to every month. Because it's ridiculous.

• 11:13Laci Mosley?

  I mean, Miss Pat, you got money, though, so like, they, they gonna keep trying to rob you, so.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Oh, you're not gonna rob me cuz I'm the robber.

• 11:19Laci Mosley?

  You know what? And I love that. I love that.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:21Laci Mosley?

  I, I love that for me. I love that. It's a mantra. I might have to put that on a T-shirt. Don't try to rob me cuz I'm the robber.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  I mean, I, I tell them all the time when they come, I say, hey, I do what you do. So, you might wanna call somebody else.

• 11:31Laci Mosley?

  Right. I'm the same way. But unfortunately for me, I'm curious. So, I try to keep them on the phone. I wanna see exactly how they run into play and everything. And then I seem too interested, and then they hang up on me. And I'm like, how you gonna go to me? I thought we was doing a robbery together. And they're like, this is not a group activity.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  Yes, but I don't know who fall for those dumbass scam today. I mean, with, with, with the internet and people talking about them all the time, you know, how do you calling somebody's Bank of America? Well, hold on, Bank of America, I'm gonna call you back.

• 11:58Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  At the number on the back of my credit card, bitch.

• 12:01Laci Mosley?

  Exactly.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  Yes, so, um, um, you gotta, I just think people have to be, you have to really slow down these days. Cuz back in when I was doing, it was just credit cards and check fraud.

• 12:11Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, it's like all insured, yeah.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, it wasn't all this other stuff, you know? I, I didn't know, I don't know nothing about this song, this girl, you scamming ass niggas and making cra-. I didn't know nothing about all that bullshit.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Y'all know about that? Yeah.

• 12:27Laci Mosley?

  You don't spend that shit, Pat? Me spend that shit.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  I spend my own money now.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  I spend my own shit.

• 12:32Laci Mosley?

  I love that. You spend your own shit, okay? Yes, spend that shit. I mean, for me, I appreciate the ingenuity, like, back in the day. Because now it is a lot of like clicking on links, there's a lot of AI. I think to answer your question of like, who's falling for this, like, not everybody's like as tapped in and in tune, you know? Like, as a prolific stand-up comedian, you know a lot about the world. And so, a lot, not everybody is like tapped in on what's going on all the time or online all the time. Or, you know, they're in rural towns. Or they're all people who are lonely, and then the scammer calls, and they're like, finally, like, it's Tuesdays at Morrie.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  I mean, just think about the credit card thing now, that you can literally walk by somebody with a scanning machine, and you can fucking, they can scan your whole card. I think that happened to me one time, didn't it?

• 13:13Laci Mosley?

  That happens at gas stations, too.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, let me tell you. I was at a gas station one time, and it was one that I was getting gas at. And I left there, and it wouldn't take my card. But it said, your card had just been charged.

• 13:26Laci Mosley?

  Mm.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  And so, I got, I got a kickback. And Sears called me and said, is this you trying to make these personal, I said, the fucking gas station declined my card?

• 13:34Laci Mosley?

  You was buying gas with a Sears card?

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, a MasterCard.

• 13:38Laci Mosley?

  Oh, okay, Sears had a Master?

• 13:40Speaker 01

  Sears still has a Master. I've had that card my whole marriage, yes.

• 13:43Laci Mosley?

  But Sears is still in business? Cuz I.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 13:46Laci Mosley?

  I went to so many closed-out Searses, so I didn't know if they were still going.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  It's just a card that I have.

• 13:51Laci Mosley?

  Okay.

• 13:52Speaker 01

  I don't think they raised my limit in thirty years, but it's just a.

• 13:55Laci Mosley?

  Wait, does it still work? Cuz I thought.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Yes, and it's a card that I will not get rid of cuz it's me and my husband's first credit card together.

• 14:01Laci Mosley?

  Aww.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  So, it's just a card.

• 14:02Laci Mosley?

  That's very romantic, me and my husband's first credit card together. That's cute.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Well, that's the first time he, he allowed me to be on his credit. Cuz he already had a card.

• 14:10Laci Mosley?

  That makes it even cuter, okay? Yes, cuz who's paying it? You pay that bill, I love you, yes.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, not, I pay, we pay the bill now, but it was a struggle. We ate out that card for fucking years.

• 14:20Laci Mosley?

  I love that. I love that when Sears went up yonder to be with, you know, Spirit Airlines and, um, who, who else went up yonder?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  But Sears is still around, isn't it? There's some Sears.

• 14:31Laci Mosley?

  I don't know if they went fully up yonder if they low sick. Or like, if they might be on, um.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  What the fuck are you talking about?

• 14:36Laci Mosley?

  Like Sears, I'm saying, I don't know if they're like.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  What do you mean, go up yonder?

• 14:38Laci Mosley?

  Like, if they died, or if they on life support. I don't know if Sears is dead or if it's on life support.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Oh, they might be on life support, but I don't think they dead yet. They might be dead, cuz I saw the Tuesday, the brand Tuesday in another store. So, I don't fucking know.

• 14:51Laci Mosley?

  Listen, corporations like to act like they people online now. So, I'll be talking about, I'm like, people, I'm like, oh, yeah, they went to the king. They're not with us no more.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Well, people don't really go in the stores anymore.

• 15:02Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:03Laci Mosley?

  Which is depressing, cuz like, I really enjoyed the shopping experience of going into a store. I missed customer service. Like, I almost low-key missed when they used to follow me around cuz I was black. Cuz then at least I get some service, like, you know, like.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Take your ass to Neymar Marcus, you get all the attention you want.

• 15:21Laci Mosley?

  Right, and I start treating like a personal shopper. You follow me around, be like, hold this, hold that, thank you so much. Keep going with me, walk with me. You wanna profile me? Let's profile together, let's be, let's have a group project.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  You're nice, I don't do that.

• 15:34Laci Mosley?

  Oh, you just wanna know?

• 15:36Speaker 01

  I tell them, I say, what the fuck are you doing?

• 15:38Laci Mosley?

  Oh, period.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, why are you fucking following me?

• 15:40Laci Mosley?

  Mm-hmm. I just, I don't know, I like to fuck with them. I'm just like, okay.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  I do, too. I like to put them to get the fuck away from behind me.

• 15:46Laci Mosley?

  Okay, that's two different, and I, and I love that.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  But I'm an old black woman, too, so you have that type of time. And you probably pop out your phone and record them. All right, get the fuck, what, what are you doing? And I always tell them, I say, when I was stealing for you, you never caught me. So, it's too late now, I'm saved.

• 16:02Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  So, I don't steal anymore.

• 16:04Laci Mosley?

  I also just never understood why police would be so dedicated to following people around stores. Because you're not making anything from that. And also, there's shrink, there's loss prevention, the stuff is insured. Like, what are you gonna chase? I remember I worked at a retail store, and our manager used to work, she was like this scraggly, like, kinda like scrappy white girl, like.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Oh, you just said the right word, white girl.

• 16:24Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, but she looked like she'd be like fighting people, like, she might be on baddies or something. Like, she just looked like she was living a life. And she said she used to work at Rainbow, and when she was a manager there, if people tried to steal, she would like run out into the parking lot after them. I was like, girl, of a Rainbow? You, it's not even your Rainbow, try it, Blim.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  I don't give a fuck what you steal from them. And don't just, this ain't my shit.

• 16:44Laci Mosley?

  Right, exactly.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  They got insurance.

• 16:46Laci Mosley?

  Exactly, and people get nosy in stores, like, did you ring that up? I'm like, okay, but do you work here? Like, why are you so pressed for Daddy Corporation? This is none of your business. When you go home, do you feel good about that? Like, do you get into bed with your spouse and you like, oh, my God?

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Ain't nobody never ask me, did you, what you mean, did you ring up?

• 17:01Laci Mosley?

  You know, like, they'll be like self-checkout, like, other people be trying to like watch other people self-checkout.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Really?

• 17:05Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. I don't know, people are miserable.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  You shouldn't use self-checkout. When you use self-checkout, you eliminates people's jobs, so I don't use them.

• 17:14Laci Mosley?

  I don't use them for a different reason. I don't use them cuz like, I don't work here. So, if I use it, I should be able to steal, cuz these are my wages, cuz now I'm employed.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  You are?

• 17:23Laci Mosley?

  I'm saying, if I have to do self-checkout, I technically work for this establishment now, which. Which means I need to get paid, which means I'm not ringing everything up because these are my wages now.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, you do want to go to jail. You see that camera Walmart got over your head, up your ass and in your face? You go ahead on and get your wages.

• 17:39Laci Mosley?

  Okay, well, listen, you gotta stop.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  You gonna get a wedgie too.

• 17:41Laci Mosley?

  You gotta stop under 2,500 because they'll let you make it for a little bit and then they'll arrest you. Don't let them book you on a Friday. That's when they like to book people. Don't ask me. I just be knowing things like this.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  I know. You one of them chicks that be running out of altar with that makeup and shit, ain't you?

• 17:57Laci Mosley?

  No, I paid for my makeup.

• 18:00Speaker 01

  You used to before you got this podcast.

• 18:03Laci Mosley?

  No, I was still, I was still paid.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  No.

• 18:06Laci Mosley?

  I would.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  What kind of scams you did?

• 18:08Laci Mosley?

  What kind of scams I do?

• 18:10Speaker 01

  You did, you did something with that motherfucking Run DMC hat on your head.

• 18:14Laci Mosley?

  I picked the wrong day to wear this hat.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Scams.

• 18:24Speaker 00

  911, what's your emergency? We need help, us. They're everywhere. We think they're murder warrants.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  911 Nashville returns. There's a homicide detective down here. Three bodies on the ground. With emergencies of biblical proportions. All sins swarms upon you and upon your people. That's one of the plagues of the Bible. And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville. Brian Phillippe joins 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 18:54Laci Mosley?

  Hola a todos. Soy Jamie Lynn Sigler. Cuando me diagnosticaron, tenía veintitantos años y todo mi mundo cambió por completo. Pero con el tiempo decidí que no iba a permitir que eso frenara mi vida. Quise tomar las riendas y después de hablar con mi médico sobre mis opciones, la elección para mí fue obvia. Boom, eso es KISSIMTA. Obtenga más información sobre KISSIMTA o FOTUMA MAP en kissimta.com.

• 19:23Speaker 04

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• 20:17Laci Mosley?

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• 21:02Laci Mosley?

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• 21:44Speaker 06

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• 22:16Speaker 01

  Cones. Hey, yo, cool, Jay.

• 22:21Laci Mosley?

  Ladies love cool cons.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  What kind of stealing you used to do?

• 22:26Laci Mosley?

  I mean, was I stealing or was I just?

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Was you a scammer?

• 22:30Laci Mosley?

  I was just like, I worked at a lot of drug fronts. That was my thing.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  What the fuck is drug fronts?

• 22:35Laci Mosley?

  So it's like a business where the whole business is not making enough money to sustain on its own. It's just actually used to launder illegal money to make it look legit. So.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  So how did you find those jobs? They had fake jobs and?

• 22:50Laci Mosley?

  I mean, you just start to realize you're working at a drug front. Maybe I have a calling for scams. I worked at one in Pittsburgh and I remember like when the guy hired me, it was to be a like bottle girl, right? And so, or not a bottle girl, but we were supposed to go out and promote this summer jam. So I was just young. I bought some Jessica Simpson heels and some tiny shorts and they gave me a T-shirt and we just walked around the club. Cut to first night I did that, club got shot up. I was in a shooting and I was like, oh my God, this is terrible. And you can read about it in my book, but I was like, I was literally in a shooting. And I remember when we came back to the establishment, the restaurant that he owned, all the other girls and they had this strong Pittsburgh accent. They're like, oh my God, I can't believe I shot up the club again. Like this is so annoying. And I was like, annoying?

• 23:34Laci Mosley?

  This happens regularly? Like every, no one seemed fazed. And I was like, okay, I can't do this. So I folded up my little shirt. I gave it back to the owner. He was like, you know what? I got a different job for you. And he put me behind the bar and I would get paid out of the register. No one kept tabs of anything that was coming in or out. His kids would come in and be like, tell them I say a boo need a hundred dollars. And I'd be like, okay. I started trying to do some accounting for them. I was like, you know what? Boo took a hundred dollars on Tuesday, the 19th.

• 24:01Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 24:02Laci Mosley?

  And then slowly I realized, I was like, there's no way any of this is legal. I never filled out any paperwork. I always took my money straight out of the register. That was my wages. I never stole because I was scared. I was like, you'll steal from people like this. Everybody too trusting in here. I don't want to know what's going on. And then I also worked for some Russians in New York. Yeah. Also another bargain. But I'd make really good money there and they'd come in and they'd be like, oh, here's your, and I'd be like, and I would just leave. I didn't, I didn't need to know what was going on up in there. I went on my business.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 24:30Laci Mosley?

  So I'm like scam adjacent.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Probably so. Okay.

• 24:33Laci Mosley?

  Just a little bit. But let's move into our main topic here. This is Historic Hoodwings. This is where I will regale Ms. Pat with the famous con caper, a group of criminals. Maybe we love them, maybe we hate them. Today we're going to be talking about dare. You remember dare?

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Fuck yeah, I love dare.

• 24:49Laci Mosley?

  You loved dare?

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, it kept, it's supposed to keep the kids off crack.

• 24:54Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Did, did they come to your school?

• 24:57Speaker 01

  I'm all this fuck. We had Smokey the Bear. The fuck are you talking about?

• 25:02Laci Mosley?

  Y'all only.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Smokey the Bear. No fucking dare when I was.

• 25:08Laci Mosley?

  Smokey didn't say anything about crack. He just said only you can prevent forest fires.

• 25:12Speaker 01

  That's right. He said, don't light forest fires, don't smoke and don't do drugs. Then years later, the dare program came along. I'm 54.

• 25:19Laci Mosley?

  Okay.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Why no fucking dare in my school?

• 25:22Laci Mosley?

  So at the time when y'all had Smokey, Smokey was just saying, don't smoke anything. Don't smoke up the woods, don't smoke the crack.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  He talked about, don't do drugs and don't, don't, you know, don't play with fire and stuff like that.

• 25:31Laci Mosley?

  So he was more broad. So then they brought the lion in to be more specific, the dare lion. Okay.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. So dare came along later. Dare was for my kids. Now dare should have been me too, because when dare came in the eighties, right? Uh, I had a baby in 86, but I dropped out of school. So dare was a part of my daughter's life.

• 25:51Laci Mosley?

  Okay.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  But I thought it was a good program. It replaced Smokey the Bear.

• 25:55Laci Mosley?

  Did it replace Smokey or did it add an additional animal to Smokey's like zoo? I feel like Smokey's still out here.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  I don't think nobody listens to Smokey the Bear anymore, ma'am.

• 26:06Laci Mosley?

  He outdated?

• 26:07Speaker 01

  Yes, I think he's gone.

• 26:08Laci Mosley?

  They call Smokey a boomer and said he gotta go retire.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  It's dare now. I think they retired Smokey.

• 26:13Laci Mosley?

  Well, so the dare program didn't keep kids off drugs, but it did get cops into schools, which is what they wanted all along. And even though it didn't work, dare was so hard to kill that millennials who lived through it in the nineties now have kids who are also living through it too. So like you said, like your kids had dare, these, these children had dare. I love this photo with all the white children because you know, the LAPD was the one getting into these schools. So, um, drug abuse resistance education, that's what dare stands for.

• 26:45Speaker 01

  Oh, really? I never knew it. I never knew. I thought it was like dare to use drugs.

• 26:50Laci Mosley?

  I dare you not to use drugs.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Dare to use drugs. I don't fucking know.

• 26:53Laci Mosley?

  I double dare you. Yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  So you think dare was created to get cops into schools?

• 26:58Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Well, that's what they wanted. And like.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Why did they want it?

• 27:01Laci Mosley?

  I'm gonna get to that.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  Well, get to it, then I'm interested.

• 27:05Laci Mosley?

  So if you went to elementary school, anytime in like the eighties or nineties, you remember the dare drug abuse resistance education for kids? It was an excuse to get out of class, right? We loved the dare program because we could sit around in auditorium. And not listen and yap or do whatever we wanted. So, um, and then you probably listen to some like bald, like definitely uncool police officer from the local precinct who would tell you about how scary is various street drugs were and how you should never try them. And if you have follow up questions about these super bad drugs and like how they were used or what the effects were, your dare officer would jump in and answer in vivid detail. So if you were like, they're like, crack is bad, it's whack. And then the kids are like, how do you do crack? He's like, let me tell you, son.

• 27:49Laci Mosley?

  So you first need to get one of these pipes, you can get them at a gas station.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Who the fuck told you this shit?

• 27:54Laci Mosley?

  This is what happens, this is the research. Like they, like they would answer in-depth questions if you had questions about specific drugs and how you use them.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  So you, they, they went to black school and told them how to smoke crack?

• 28:08Laci Mosley?

  Reagan of it all, does it surprise you? So at its height, police officers taught-

• 28:12Speaker 01

  I don't believe that shit. Come out here and then smoke no dope. And they was on dare, we had the book bag and everything.

• 28:17Laci Mosley?

  It doesn't mean that they're recruiting you to do the drugs.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  But my children, my children, well, my children already knew how to smoke crack because we, we lived in a crack neighborhood. But I'm just saying, come, keep going with these lies. You lying on these white folk.

• 28:29Laci Mosley?

  This is research. This is not, look, we put the footnotes in every episode, okay? I'm not making this up.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  I'm listening to you because you trying to scam a bitch right now. You not gonna tell me no dare was to bring the officer in school and tell the kid how to do drugs. So what they tell the white kid, beware of the pedophiles?

• 28:46Laci Mosley?

  I'm saying what they, if you asked how people use these drugs, they would have these very vivid scary stories for these kids, which are also kind of educating you on how to do drugs. It depends on how you think about it.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Was it to scare the kids from doing drugs? Oh, what was it?

• 29:01Laci Mosley?

  I mean, the pathway to hell is paid with good intentions. You could listen to my podcast and think like, oh, I'm learning how to prevent scams. I'm learning how to help people stop doing scams. Or you could be listening to these stories getting inspired. Allegedly, not something I'm doing for legal reasons, but-

• 29:15Speaker 01

  Okay, well, keep going. Because I'm interested.

• 29:18Laci Mosley?

  So at its height, police officers taught dare to fifth and sixth grade students in more than 75% of American school districts and dozens of countries around the world. Many went through the full 17 week course and millions more students ranging from kindergarten to high school age received various, like variations of the dare program. More than 40 years after the program started, the nonprofit organization that oversees the program still reports millions of dollars in revenue and expenses. And they say, they still say that the police are credible experts and reliable instructors in school classrooms. The police, great educators, notoriously.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  I don't believe that shit, keep going.

• 29:55Laci Mosley?

  Right. But it doesn't work, right? At least a dozen independent studies found that kids who go through this 17 week program are just as likely to use drugs as those who don't. So they were like, this isn't really working, but it is making coin for the police department. So they're like, well, we dare you to stop us.

• 30:11Speaker 01

  Oh, that, that, that might be all right. I, I believe you on that one.

• 30:14Laci Mosley?

  So the LA origins of this, dare was actually invented by the LAPD in the eighties, a famously normal and trustworthy police force in a famously normal and trustworthy time. And look there, our trap queen herself, Nancy Reagan. She's sitting right there.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Oh, dare is some bullshit.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Oh, you showed me that white bitch. You right. Dare is some bullshit. They need the dare to get out them class and they're putting them black kids on crack. That lying white bitch right there talking about some welfare queen and they the one was stealing all the money. Oh, fuck them.

• 30:50Laci Mosley?

  Not the minute I showed you the trap queen, you was like, nope, nevermind, not skeptical anymore.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  Trap queen herself, oh, ugly bitch.

• 30:57Laci Mosley?

  With the band though, love Nancy Reagan. I'll be in the kitchen cooking crack, Nancy Reagan. Yeah, that's, we need the remix. So, um, yeah, so it was invented in the eighties and obviously with this very untrustworthy first lady. So they had tried placing undercover officers in schools as early as 1974 in LA to identify drug dealers in their war on drugs. But drug use among young Angelenos kept going up, which made them look bad. The LAPD police chief Darryl Gates came up with the idea for dare in 1983. Yes, Darryl was the chief of police from 1978 to 1992.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  His ass.

• 31:33Laci Mosley?

  And was charged-

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Nigga named Darryl.

• 31:35Laci Mosley?

  During the Rodney King riots.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  He was charged?

• 31:39Laci Mosley?

  He was in charge during the Rodney King riots.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Oh, I bet you would, he look like he beat niggas.

• 31:43Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah. Like that face says, all I'd love to do is be black people. Like, it's a pastime, it's a hobby.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Is he still alive?

• 31:50Laci Mosley?

  Um, I mean, he resigned after Rodney King. I'm not sure if he's still with us. But, um, he also invented the SWAT team. Man, this man real, woo.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Did he, well, I'm from Atlanta, did he, did he invent the Red Dogs too?

• 32:04Laci Mosley?

  I mean, he was cooking in LA. He was doing his atrocities in LA. So I don't know if he spread to Atlanta. However, the fact that he came up with dare and SWAT is diabolical. Like this was a super evil genius right here. Like, what? How you gonna come up with all the, he was just waking up in the middle of the night like, how can I harm black people?

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Well, do you think it was harm or do you think it was make the streets safer?

• 32:26Laci Mosley?

  You know it wasn't no make the streets safer, not in the eighties. Especially because like, why y'all going to schools and targeting children? This is definitely just giving me like school to prison pipeline, but y'all trying to cover it up.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 32:39Laci Mosley?

  Because like, if you're trying to stop the drug sales, like, let's get the salesmen's, you know, on the corner, let's get the street pharmacists. Like, why are you going into people's like fourth period of history class?

• 32:46Speaker 01

  I think because they probably think these kids live with the drug dealers. And maybe they gonna tell something.

• 32:53Laci Mosley?

  Which, so Darryl was losing the war on drugs at the time, right? Out in the streets. So he brought the police officers into the schools and to supposedly reduce the demand for drugs. In January of 1983, he approached the Los Angeles Unified School District with his idea. Working with school officials, the LAPD developed a proposal for the use of police officers to teach new, like a new form of substance abuse education. And so he was like, I, look, I know our numbers are really bad. We're not actually stopping the war on drugs. What if y'all give us more money to go into the schools with notoriously the most educated people out there, cops, and teach the children? Okay.

• 33:34Laci Mosley?

  So the idea was to teach the children about the dangers of the drugs, encouraging just say no. I remember just say no.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  I remember, I use just say no for prostitution, relationship, drugs, cooking, cleaning?

• 33:48Laci Mosley?

  Just say no to relationships, cooking and cleaning, just say no.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  You, you wanna fuck? Just say no, no. You about to rape me, no!

• 33:59Laci Mosley?

  Oh, Lord Jesus.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 34:01Laci Mosley?

  So through role playing and refusal strategies and like, like it's all supposed to like promote decision-making and self-esteem skills. So when I say role playing and refusal strategies, your just say no refusal strategy, also like they would role play and be like, hey kid, I'm Mr. Drug Man. You want some of like, you know what I mean? Like, hey, I'm on the playground, you want to try this new drug? It's called crack. And then the kid goes, no, crack is whack. And then they run away. These are like what the skits were.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Well, what's wrong with those skits? I mean, because the average parent at home was telling their kids to say no too, right?

• 34:32Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. I don't think there's anything wrong with that skit. Now, is it effective?

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Well, you have any kids?

• 34:38Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  Well, I have kids. So with kids, you have to constantly reiterate stuff from, you know, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't do this, don't do that, don't touch the stove, it's hot. So I, I mean, I don't really see nothing wrong with if they was doing skits and they say, hey, because it's, it's TV, the world was talking about it at the time.

• 34:58Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  So, I mean, program was a problem piece of shit to earn money.

• 35:04Laci Mosley?

  But that specific part of it is not, I agree with you. Like, it's not wrong with a little sketch that says-

• 35:08Speaker 01

  Well, it's nothing wrong with trying to teach your kids if they're, if they approach with, with this type of conversation to say no. It's almost like telling your daughter when you go out to college, look, you don't just walk up and help nobody. You don't take rides from strangers. You don't take candy from people. You don't let people invest in you because they, they might want something back.

• 35:27Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  So it's just, it's, it's really a learning technique. You know, you have to teach them. When somebody offer you drugs, what are you gonna say? No. Like I tell my kids, don't, don't open my fucking front door. You don't know who outside that door. But you have to keep constantly telling kids stuff because, you know, it slips their mind.

• 35:46Laci Mosley?

  That's a good point.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  So some of the program probably was some good and the other part they probably was just raising money on some bullshit. And then, you know, go out and target our community. Because let's be honest, was dare in every school, white and black? Yes, it was.

• 36:01Laci Mosley?

  It was. But obviously they had motivations when they were going to schools with certain demographics, AKA the black ones and the brown ones. Like, I, I think they were still teaching the same program, but it was like-

• 36:11Speaker 01

  So, but let's say this, white, white people have problems too. And I'm not taking up for the program. White people have problems too.

• 36:18Laci Mosley?

  I don't know, it kind of sounds like you're taking up for the program, Ms. Pat.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Well, I'm just, I'm just want to tell you, I lived in an all-white neighborhood and them bitches did meth. So, and my kids went to schools with these people and dare was in that school. Now, did they say, hey, little girl, don't you want some meth? I don't know if that skit was around because it was white people. You know what I'm saying? So I'm saying it was in every school. And I was a parent at the time and I still am. And I mean, I didn't know it was a piece of shit program, but-

• 36:47Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I'm not saying that, it's, it's, obviously they're not going in and like, here, we're gonna give you all a little hit. And so you know what to not do. You know what I mean? Like, it's not all sinister. I agree with you. There was like, there are some of this, at least surface level, looks like.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Did they teach the same thing in every school system?

• 37:02Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Now, the programs varied in length and like depth. Because sometimes you go up to a 17-week program and there might be like homework, a workbook, a graduation ceremony.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  How do they know that it didn't keep the kids out the drugs? Did they monitor the kids all the way to the first hit a crack or the hit a mouth?

• 37:18Laci Mosley?

  I mean, I doubt that they was at the house like, like this is the lion. Get off, get off the crack. Like, they don't specifically, but statistic-wise, they didn't see a decrease in use in that age group when they came out of school.

• 37:30Speaker 01

  Well, it's cool to be high.

• 37:33Laci Mosley?

  Depending on what?

• 37:33Speaker 01

  I mean, weed. I, I, I don't know anybody who's just jumping on crack. But it was, it's cool to smoke weed amongst young kids.

• 37:39Laci Mosley?

  But it's like, nobody's.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  Now, I'm not saying that weed is fine. I'm just saying, kids.

• 37:44Laci Mosley?

  Not for the children. Not for the children. Not for the children.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 37:48Laci Mosley?

  But, but like as an adult, I live in California.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's legal here, but you gonna get your ass whipped somewhere else. So that's all I'm saying.

• 37:55Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah. I'm not doing it in Texas, Georgia. There's places you.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  I think Georgia, I think Texas is legal.

• 38:00Laci Mosley?

  No, they, we just rolled back our weed laws actually pretty fairly recently. Yeah, they're trying to put us back all in prison. So, you know.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  In prison?

• 38:07Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, like weed is such an easy offense to put black and brown people in prison for it that that's why Georgia ain't gonna give up. Texas ain't gonna give up because they love that. When we all know that it's statistically less harmful than alcohol and also it is long, if it's taxed, they wouldn't care about it. It's just ridiculous. Big Pharma, a lot more things are killing people than weed. But also weed just sounds attractive. Like, I'm an adult. I'm not saying this for kids. Kids, very bad. Don't do weed. Gateway drug. Actually, could be, but I remember Gateway drug a lot. Like, that made me think like if I tried a drug that it would open the door and the next thing I know I'd be on crack.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  No, it does. Because you went from smoking weed to lacing your joint.

• 38:48Laci Mosley?

  Oh, no, not to lase joints.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 38:51Laci Mosley?

  See, heard it here first. Ms. Pat, you should be doing Dare now. They need like an ethical Dare person. I know you're very busy, but you can just throw this one on the schedule real quick, okay?

• 38:59Speaker 01

  Scars.

• 39:04Speaker 00

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• 39:07Speaker 00

  Please help us. They're everywhere. We think they're murder hornets.

• 39:11Speaker 06

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• 39:14Speaker 02

  It's a homicide detective down here. Three bodies on the ground.

• 39:17Speaker 06

  With emergencies of biblical proportions.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Oh, since swarms upon you and upon your people. That's one of the places for Bible. And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville.

• 39:27Speaker 06

  Brian Phillippe, 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 39:33Laci Mosley?

  Hola a todos. Soy Jamie Lynn Segler. Cuando me diagnosticaron, tenía veintitantos años y todo mi mundo cambió por completo. Pero con el tiempo decidí que no iba a permitir que eso frenara mi vida. Quise tomar las riendas y después de hablar con mi médico sobre mis opciones, la elección para mí fue obvia. Boom, eso es KISSIMTA. Obtenga más información sobre KISSIMTA o FOTUMA MAP en kissimta.com.

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• 40:34Speaker 00

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• 40:59Speaker 05

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• 42:36Speaker 06

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• 43:00Laci Mosley?

  So, um, throughout the length of the course, the Dare box sits in the classroom. It's a shoebox where kids can drop anonymous notes informing the police about drug users they might know.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  Now, wait a fucking minute.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  You want these kids to tell on their mom and daddy, you sons of bitches?

• 43:20Speaker 01

  I would have beat my children up. My mama said, "Crack, you goddamn right I do in front of your school." And you gonna get your ass whooped for snitching.

• 43:30Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, they had a little snitch box. And I'm like, also, what, what do I get out of snitching? What do I get out of nothing?

• 43:36Speaker 01

  They, they, they tried to program the kids and make them think that they were happy. But I'm gonna ask my daughter. I'm gonna ask them and say, was there a snitch box? You know what they probably got in that box? My brother peed in the bed last night.

• 43:48Laci Mosley?

  Right.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, my momma don't got no food. My daddy was yelling. He probably got everything except what a dope was.

• 43:55Laci Mosley?

  And I hope it was that legitimately because kids do love to yap when they're in school. I love to see teachers like share on TikTok like all the crazy things y'all kids have said this week at school. And it'd be like, my mom slept with the fireman, but that's not my dad. Like, they're just like volunteering this information.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  That's all that was in that box. And, and they, they eventually, keep going. I want to hear this shit. Keep going.

• 44:14Laci Mosley?

  So, LIPD used veteran police officers in their uniforms on purpose. They believed that the youth drug crisis was so advanced that students as young as the fifth grade were so savvy about drugs and drug culture that teachers couldn't handle it. Since cops had experience with the negative consequences of drug use, they had more credibility for this generation of supposed young ge, or drug geniuses. So, they're saying like, oh, drugs, the kids are innovating with the drugs. And they couldn't just give the Dare program to the teachers and let the teachers teach it. They were like, no, we need to have our veteran police officers come in in uniform.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  To scare the kids.

• 44:49Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, to scare the kids, you know, to make school feel even more like jail.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 44:55Laci Mosley?

  So, within a decade of its founding, Dare became the largest and most visible drug prevention program in the United States. Officers came to Los Angeles to be trained in the delivery of Dare curriculum. So, now we're becoming like the Mecca for training for Dare. Almost like how, you know, there's a certain police academy training that happens in a certain country. So, Israel. So, um, yeah, they train our cops there. So, um.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Our police officers?

• 45:20Laci Mosley?

  Hmm. Yeah. So, Dare leaders also created a Dare parent program to each parent. So, each parent knew how like they could check the signs to see if there was youth drug use and the best approach to dealing with their kids who use drugs. Dare created a wide network that linked police, schools, parents, and like all of them united against the terror of drugs and alcohol and tobacco and graffiti and tattoos. Okay, I think we're getting broad, y'all. A little broad. I was, what's your on drugs, alcohol, tobacco? Okay, graffiti. Tattoos?

• 45:58Speaker 01

  What the fuck we doing with graffiti? Did you get high on graffiti?

• 46:02Laci Mosley?

  I did. You don't wear from. Technically, you can't huff paint.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Well, I know you huff paint. We used to, my brother used to do it in a, a, a bread bag back in the day.

• 46:09Laci Mosley?

  Everything.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Oh, I got three brothers. They was in everything. Now, now they don't want to, they get to draw on the walls?

• 46:15Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, they said you can't draw on the walls.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Well, I know you can't draw on the wall.

• 46:18Laci Mosley?

  Not even artistically.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  But, but, but they were sending Dare out to lock up audiences.

• 46:24Speaker 01

  God damn, Dare you a lot of.

• 46:25Laci Mosley?

  Don't get no tattoo. Don't get you one of them little stars on your neck or something.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  What the fuck the tattoo got to do with it?

• 46:29Laci Mosley?

  I don't know. It got broad. It got broad.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Dare didn't have shit to do.

• 46:33Laci Mosley?

  President Reagan started National Dare Day. Tradition that continued every year through the Obama presidency. Bill Clinton gave DARE a shout out in his State of the Union.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Ain't there wrong with that?

• 46:44Laci Mosley?

  Ninety-six, saying, "I challenge Congress not to cut our support for drug-free schools." People like the DARE officers are making a real impression on grade school children that will give them the strength to say no when the time comes. Now, obviously, this is another way for police officers to get money.

• 47:00Speaker 01

  Smokin' bear ain't never stop my sister from smokin' crack. She lights it up.

• 47:03Laci Mosley?

  Did she smoke it in a forest, though?

• 47:05Speaker 01

  Uh, we black, we ain't been no forest.

• 47:07Laci Mosley?

  See, and that's all he wanted.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  You mean the woods?

• 47:09Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, he said, "Don't..."

• 47:10Speaker 01

  Is the woods the forest?

• 47:11Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, anywhere, it's a lot of trees. Smokey was just like, "Don't smoke here."

• 47:16Speaker 01

  No, she smoked on the front porch.

• 47:18Laci Mosley?

  Don't flick it over here in the woods. Okay, she was alright then. I feel like Smokey would look the other way.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Look at this bitch.

• 47:24Laci Mosley?

  So he'd be like, "This ain't none of my business. As long as you stay away from these forests, okay? We don't need these fires." And then also, like, obviously, they're just trying to keep this money, because I remember going to Coachella and the first time I saw, like, well, actually, not the first time it was Coachella, but it was like some music festival that I was at, where so many people, and it was definitely a lot of millennials, had on DARE t-shirts, and they were definitely like rolling or like high as hell, and it became like an irony, like an irony thing, where like people would wear DARE t-shirts to like festivals that were like notorious for drug use, like raid festivals and stuff. So, I don't know if we should've been giving the police all that money for this, because I don't know if it worked, but I do love that shirt, though. The shirt ate. You know the rip, the black shirt with the red DARE letters? It's cute.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  I might have one at the house.

• 48:07Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I made one into a crop top. It really... I was gonna wear it, but I was worried we might get in trouble.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  Okay, alright, so keep telling us about DARE.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Shit, I didn't know. They out here lying to us, y'all. How dare you?

• 48:23Laci Mosley?

  I didn't know you were gonna be this personally invested in DARE. I felt like I'm hurting you.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  My kids grew up, so, and I thought it was a good program, but it's always black people who do they fucking research who ruins it for you. But keep going. Black people who can read.

• 48:39Laci Mosley?

  Are we talking about one black person in particular?

• 48:45Speaker 01

  You know, they don't like you smart, black folk, but keep going, sister, because I gotta go tell somebody else. DARE ain't shit.

• 48:51Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my gosh. So, DARE officers embedded themselves into the communities. One officer coached a DARE track club, another coached a football team, some even played Santa Claus and Rudolph during the holidays. Now, I don't...

• 49:04Speaker 01

  Not in the hood. We don't fuck with no white Santa Claus.

• 49:06Laci Mosley?

  Also, like, why is Santa Claus...

• 49:07Speaker 01

  So that DARE had to go to the Melfi kid. That DARE officer went to the Melfi kid. Ain't no white Santa Claus coming out ho, ho, ho. Ain't no more hoes around here. Grandma done retired. Fuck away from my dog.

• 49:16Laci Mosley?

  That's true. I mean, my grandma didn't even let me believe in Santa Claus. I remember I came home for Christmas one year and I was like, "Oh, Dan, what does Santa Claus give me?" And my grandma was like, "Ain't no white man breaking here and giving you these gifts? Think I'm Santa Claus?" And I was like, "Okay."

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Well, I wasn't told that, because there wasn't no such thing as Santa Claus. We didn't have a Christmas tree. Because one mom would take us to the Salvation Army. We used to call it Infostockin' Fund, and we all got one toy, and she kept it to Christmas morning, threw it back in the flow. So that was Christmas for me.

• 49:45Laci Mosley?

  Wow.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:46Laci Mosley?

  I'm glad she got y'all some gifts, but it sounds like those Christmases were lean. Now...

• 49:51Speaker 01

  You didn't follow the story.

• 49:53Laci Mosley?

  Did I miss it?

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. The government gave us one toy. And you gonna say and say it was lean?

• 50:04Laci Mosley?

  I was trying to be appropriate. I was trying to be, trying to have an empathetic moment, just trying to, like, I felt very touching. I thought I was, okay, I missed it. I missed it.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  Nigga, we ain't get shit. It were empty. The fuck are you talking about? Oh, that was lean. All this new swag, this swag you talking about. Keep going about that, but...

• 50:26Laci Mosley?

  Miss Pat, when he want me to say, we be like, "Damn, y'all was po."

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. That's the shit I can relate to. God, ooh, that was nice. Your Christmas was lean. Yeah, lean and empty.

• 50:39Laci Mosley?

  Well, my bad, shit. Okay, damn, my bad. I'm sorry.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  I came here for her to read to me. That's what she doing.

• 50:47Laci Mosley?

  Miss Pat, that's why I told you, you can interrupt at any time. We don't have to talk about this the whole time. We can move, we can talk about anything. We're just talking about your Christmas, okay? You acting like I'm torturing you. I know you over there looking at the clock just like I am. You're like, "Yeah, keep reading the story. Hurry up. Read it faster. How much more reading you got to do?" There's a clock right there, and I done seen Miss Pat looking at this damn clock, at least eleven times.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  Oh, I haven't even noticed that clock. I'm just, I'm looking at the camera, because I want to make sure you get any facial expressions.

• 51:11Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah, we definitely need the facial expression, okay?

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Okay, well, keep going, because you got about eighteen cars. There ain't gonna be that goddamn load.

• 51:17Laci Mosley?

  Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We've gone through most of this.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 51:20Laci Mosley?

  Where we at?

• 51:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:21Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah. That's all we got left. You're good.

• 51:23Speaker 01

  Praise the Lord. I hate to be read to.

• 51:26Laci Mosley?

  Well, see, and see, that's why I said we was not gonna do that the whole time, but she was, you know what, you know...

• 51:31Speaker 01

  You the one brought this motherfucking... You know, when you said scams, I thought you, we were gonna be talking about folk running out of auto and shit, Walmart shit. I ain't know you up here talking about the white people scam. Who gives a fuck how white people steal? They talking about some nigga shit. How do we steal? Fuck how they steal. They steal big time. I'm talking about the bitches who run out of auto with, with bunnies on their heads, with their kids, jumping in the car. That's the good shit.

• 51:55Laci Mosley?

  You wanted the boosters.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  No, I want that kind of crime. You up here talking about they educated fucking crime. Them white men don't create this fake-ass organization. Who cares? Don't be, doing skits with the kids. I'm not a give a fuck about him. White people know how to fucking steal, but you gotta give it to them. That's an evil motherfucker.

• 52:12Laci Mosley?

  Do you want me to get you some more coke, because you drinking nothing?

• 52:14Speaker 01

  I know.

• 52:17Laci Mosley?

  Do we have some more? Can we get her some more coke, please?

• 52:21Speaker 01

  While you talking shit, I got something stuck in the straw.

• 52:25Laci Mosley?

  I done taken, see, you take two sips of air. And I was like, "Okay."

• 52:29Speaker 01

  That is not fucking air. That is actually, it's in the straw.

• 52:34Laci Mosley?

  Now, why you trying to catch, like, why you trying to make me look poor, like, we can't give you no more? Like, we can't get you some more?

• 52:41Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, baby. How you doing? Working the shit out of this little white man. What's your name? You a husband? You are? That's your husband?

• 52:48Laci Mosley?

  No, he's a husband.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  Oh, I was like, damn, you up here talking all this white shit, you fucking this white man.

• 52:55Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my God.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, Josh. But you up here talking all these white crimes, and you up there sucking clear dick.

• 53:03Laci Mosley?

  Clear dick is crazy. Clear dick is crazy. But no, I am not.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Josh, we love y'all. Y'all the good white people. Ain't nothing like the... You know, I was on the internet the other day, and I saw the funniest shit. Now, you know, we, y'all just got one word for us. That's the N-word. But this black girl came up with the funniest fucking shit to call white people.

• 53:23Laci Mosley?

  What'd she say?

• 53:24Speaker 01

  She called them porcelain, um, give me my phone. I, I want to get it right. It's so fucking funny.

• 53:30Laci Mosley?

  Was them like male sapiens?

• 53:32Speaker 01

  No, they don't male, no. The shit, she, the shit she called these white people had me hollering.

• 53:38Laci Mosley?

  I love this.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  And I took a picture of that's how much, I mean, I had to show like ten people. I said, "This bitch is racist."

• 53:44Laci Mosley?

  Oh, no.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  But it was the good shit.

• 53:49Laci Mosley?

  It was the good shit, though.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, let me see. I'm gonna go down and listen what she called them. Not, not y'all, because y'all the good white people, okay? This is the bad white people, you know? When y'all see them at Thanksgiving and shit, that's them people.

• 54:00Laci Mosley?

  Y'all do be seeing them at Thanksgiving. That's, that's true. They do be at Thanksgiving.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Do you see them at Thanksgiving?

• 54:04Laci Mosley?

  You don't have to answer that. We know the answer, though. We do know the answer.

• 54:10Speaker 01

  Do they be seeing them at... Oh, here you go. So here's the new words for white people. Porcelain possums.

• 54:15Laci Mosley?

  Wow.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  Ranch raccoons.

• 54:18Laci Mosley?

  There's a list.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Lice landlord. Clan chowder crusaders. Milk maggots. Confederate cousin fuckers. Fucking hollered.

• 54:30Laci Mosley?

  It was so nice having a podcast on the iHeart Network.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sorry. You iHeart.

• 54:35Laci Mosley?

  I really want to thank Will Ferrell for this opportunity.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Did Will Ferrell give you this podcast?

• 54:40Laci Mosley?

  All, all the porcelain, uh, possums.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  Did they give you this podcast?

• 54:46Laci Mosley?

  Please keep listening to the show, uh, porcelain.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Cut this shit out, bitch. I don't want you to be unemployed.

• 54:50Laci Mosley?

  No, I'm joking. I say whatever I want. That's, that's the benefit. That's why they like me over here. No, the, the white people who listen to this know. They know the vibes.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  I want the porcelain possum to make you unemployed.

• 54:59Laci Mosley?

  Oh, no, no, no. They could never. They don't listen to this. They don't listen to this. They don't listen to this, okay?

• 55:05Speaker 01

  I want you to be no unemployed coon.

• 55:06Laci Mosley?

  No, they, they, the ones who listen, they know. They listen, like, ooh.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  She started talking, she didn't get it.

• 55:11Laci Mosley?

  I heard it. I heard it. I was trying to move past it.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  You know you like a little coon with that little hat on, so.

• 55:20Laci Mosley?

  Miss Pat just invited me to my own roast. She talking about, "I'm scamming. You scamming me. You, you didn't hit me with a..." One, two, three combo. I'm like, I'm out, I'm out.

• 55:29Speaker 01

  No, you're not.

• 55:30Laci Mosley?

  I've been counting me down, I'm laying on the ground.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  You're not out.

• 55:34Laci Mosley?

  You're like people's elbows.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Tell them, uh, Jared and, uh, Beavis and Butthead, tell them.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  She got Beavis and Butthead in this bitch. They so cute, Beavis and Butthead.

• 55:51Laci Mosley?

  You know what? And I'mma, I'mma get you where you want to go on this one, okay? I'd rather just let you go.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  I enjoyed y'all, Beavis and Butthead, y'all been cute guys. And welcome to the other side, anytime. Anytime you want to come over here and get you some black love and not from me, because my menopause got one side dry, but I find somebody.

• 56:10Laci Mosley?

  And I love this for you.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  You do?

• 56:12Laci Mosley?

  And I'mma wrap this.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Do you date white men?

• 56:14Laci Mosley?

  Uh, I haven't, I have some, maybe.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  You don't look like a type, because you know why you, well, it's hard to date an educated black woman, especially when you, what's that crazy bitch on Fox News?

• 56:25Laci Mosley?

  It could be so many different women.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  The black one. Yeah.

• 56:28Laci Mosley?

  Oh, Candace Owens? Do you know what, Fox, I think she's just on the internet.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Well, she on the internet now, they don't like her no more. They don't use her, they done cooled out.

• 56:35Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, they done used her up.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  I like an educated black woman.

• 56:38Laci Mosley?

  But I know you're not comparing me to Candace Owens, right?

• 56:40Speaker 01

  No, no, fuck no.

• 56:41Laci Mosley?

  Oh, God, motherfucker say like, you don't even call me a cool, it's having a cool skin hat now.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  She would never wear weave. Candace Owens don't wear no fucking weave. That little short bob, thin in the back, no.

• 56:53Laci Mosley?

  Oh, it is, it is desperate.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  It's beautiful though, let's be honest, we, you know, Candace won't be talking that bullshit, but she is a beautiful black woman.

• 57:01Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah, she's very pretty.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  She's a very beautiful black woman.

• 57:03Laci Mosley?

  And I think she got somebody to fix what's going on with the box perm, because it's starting to get a little fuller, the, the hair, I think, a little bit.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  I just don't look at it, but she is a beautiful black woman.

• 57:11Laci Mosley?

  She's popped up on my timeline a couple, you know, TikTok.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Every time she popped up, I blocked her, but keep going.

• 57:15Laci Mosley?

  I mean, you know, she used to be a liberal, she used to be a Democrat.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 57:18Laci Mosley?

  It wasn't making her no money, because it's too many educated leftists.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  Evil pays. Evil, when you be evil, you make more money. Have you noticed that black people come out and talk that bullshit? They be on the internet with so many more lights than y'all be saying, go vote blue. You know, y'all don't make no money. I mean, I'm a diehard Democrat, I would vote no other fucking way.

• 57:39Laci Mosley?

  Sad.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  But you know, the thing is with that, who would want a world with just one type of people? I love being black. Black people are beautiful, and I'm not saying not to like who the fuck you are. If you think your race is a shit, that's okay with me, but black is beautiful. You real cocoa butter on us, and we shine like a motherfucking coffee table. No other race can shine the way we motherfucking shine. We the only group of people in this world that can wear anything and make it sell and make it look good. We are the shit. And I'm not saying if you white not to love yourself, love your motherfucking self. But I gotta say this, if I were any other race but white, but black, I'd be mad at black people too.

• 58:24Laci Mosley?

  Period.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Who the fuck wouldn't be mad at somebody who shine like a coffee table?

• 58:29Laci Mosley?

  Like a coffee table is crazy.

• 58:30Speaker 01

  I don't give a fuck, how much oil you put on Beavis and Butthead?

• 58:33Laci Mosley?

  You don't want to say like the sun.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  Beavis and Butthead, they gonna never shine. They gonna never shine.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  And then you know how much tan and lotion they got on right now, and we in the dark in this motherfucker, we see.

• 58:43Laci Mosley?

  These are facts.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Yes, but we love y'all, Beavis and Butthead, but you know, they not, but we're beautiful, we're beautiful.

• 58:52Laci Mosley?

  This is why I love you, because you can say whatever.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Everybody else is beautiful too, but it's just something, it's just, I love being black.

• 58:58Laci Mosley?

  I do too.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  I do, it's a beautiful thing.

• 59:00Laci Mosley?

  I rather enjoy it.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  We walk in the room and they be, you know what I like saying, not knocking anybody else? I love saying on 54 years, they be like, how? I say, I don't know, bitch, you gotta take that up with your lord.

• 59:12Laci Mosley?

  You do look good. It is a flex, it is a flex, I'm not gonna lie.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  White women are beautiful too, they are beautiful.

• 59:18Laci Mosley?

  I know what you're saying, I think people know what you're saying.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:21Laci Mosley?

  Yes, and you know what, I'm gonna try to get you out of here with this reading, so you can just go off here.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  I let you talk, I'm sick of your motherfucking reading.

• 59:27Laci Mosley?

  I know, that's why I'm about to wrap up the reading.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  I'm about to go to sleep, I'm here, no more about that damn program.

• 59:32Laci Mosley?

  I'm literally about to wrap up the reading, so we can get to our final thoughts.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  Do you still have a period? Do you still have a period?

• 59:37Laci Mosley?

  Yes, I'm quite young, Ms. Pat.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Well, I'm in menopause. Let's talk about some junk shit and bullshit.

• 59:43Laci Mosley?

  I'm getting roasted, this is just.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  No, I don't want to hear this motherfucking damn, you read, to a read make me sleep, I gonna fell asleep four times over here. Do you know Beavis and Butthead had to text me to wake me up?

• 59:53Laci Mosley?

  That you could interject at any time.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  I can't interject if I sleep, bitch, stop reading, I'm tired of it, shit, I'm tired of it. Take that motherfucking cuckoo hat off and let's just talk, shit. I need another Coke and some cane.

• 1:00:08Laci Mosley?

  Scans!

• 1:00:12Laci Mosley?

  911, what's your emergency? Please help us, they're everywhere.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  We think they're murder warnings. 911 Nashville returns. It's a homicide detective doing here. Three bodies on the ground. With emergencies of biblical proportions. Allison swarms upon you and upon your people. That's one of the plagues for Bible. And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville. Brian Phillippe joins 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 1:00:42Laci Mosley?

  Hola a todos, soy Jamie Lynn Sigler. Cuando me diagnosticaron tenía veintitantos años y todo mi mundo cambió por completo, pero con el tiempo decidí que no iba a permitir que eso frenara mi vida. Quise tomar las riendas y después de hablar con mi médico sobre mis opciones, la elección para mí fue obvia. Boom, eso es KISSIMTA. Obtenga más información sobre KISSIMTA o FOTUMA MAP en kissimta.com.

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

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• 1:01:40Speaker 00

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• 1:02:05Speaker 05

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• 1:02:50Speaker 05

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• 1:02:53Speaker 00

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• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Cuz. I ain't come here to hear that motherfucker educated. I hate educated black women. You T D bitch out of here, they don't never shut up.

• 1:04:15Laci Mosley?

  The last time.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Is Jimmy Lemon's real behind you?

• 1:04:18Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:04:19Laci Mosley?

  The last time that I had an episode like this, it was, um, oh my gosh.

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  They didn't want you to read to them, did they?

• 1:04:24Laci Mosley?

  No, it was, it was, uh, you know her too, and it's not coming to me. It'll come to me and I'll tell you who it is. Yes, it was Lunel.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Oh, that bitch crazy.

• 1:04:33Laci Mosley?

  And Lunel was like, I don't want to hear about no fucking boat. And I was like, the story's about a boat, Lunel. I'm like, okay.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  We fucking old, we going through menopause, we got short-term memory. I'm aching, I'm sleeping like a motherfucker. Then you up here reading me this bullshit. You don't know how many times, like, this bitch talk too much. That what I was saying to myself, I can't even be reading a bedtime story.

• 1:04:53Laci Mosley?

  I could sense it.

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  I ain't, my mama couldn't read. So you definitely, I don't want to hear no bedtime story. Shit, my girl too big, I'm tired. It's all the shit I done, that could be happening. And you want to read to a nigga about a program on without a bit of fuck there? The nigga that ain't there who created it.

• 1:05:12Laci Mosley?

  Well, I'm gonna wrap up what they said, so you ain't gonna be no more reading. So in 88.

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  But do we have to hear this bullshit at night?

• 1:05:18Laci Mosley?

  Yes, my fans want to hear it.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  Let me read the shit. Give it here.

• 1:05:21Laci Mosley?

  Read it then, you gotta read all of it, now read from the top.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  In 1988, Department of Justice Darren Manuel said, in addition to their former classroom teacher, their officer spent time on the playground, in the cafeteria, and at the student assembly, uh, to intake with student and fucking the teachers.

• 1:05:39Laci Mosley?

  Fucking the teachers.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, they be fucking the teacher.

• 1:05:44Laci Mosley?

  Did it say that on there?

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Well, I'm saying that, I saw him in the bathroom. It's so much better when I read it. And you so fucking bored. Their officer were both good cops and bad cops all in one. Cause all them niggas did was eat doughnuts and told the children lies about drugs and put that shitty ass box out there to try to make them kids tell on they kingpin daddies. And it did not happen.

• 1:06:08Laci Mosley?

  Didn't work.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  So in 1990, LAPD Chief Darrell testified to Congress that the casual drug user ought to be taken out and shot.

• 1:06:19Laci Mosley?

  And shot.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  But he didn't say nothing about the white pedophiles running around this motherfucker, sticking they thumbs in these white kids ass.

• 1:06:26Laci Mosley?

  That's not on the card.

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  That's Darrell.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Now, wasn't that better?

• 1:06:33Laci Mosley?

  Well, guys.

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  Then that bullshit she about to tell her.

• 1:06:36Laci Mosley?

  Six hundred million dollars a year to the American taxpayer.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  How much?

• 1:06:41Laci Mosley?

  Six hundred million.

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  Six hundred mil, they know how to steal.

• 1:06:44Laci Mosley?

  They do know how to steal. And they were doing it in a way that Ms. Pat doesn't care about. Uh, you know, they said just say no.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, shit doin' me, I don't pay no taxes, I was on Section 8 when that program was around. My shit was free. Never fucked by no day, I ain't pay no motherfucking taxes. I got a tax refund, bitch. I got R R income credit when Darrell was out. I didn't give a fuck, I ain't pay shit into Darrell. Darrell paid me.

• 1:07:05Laci Mosley?

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  Excuse me for burping. Oh lord, I don't got a pan, can't burp at the same time.

• 1:07:12Laci Mosley?

  And I, well, I will tell you this, uh, it was called the biggest fraud, the, the, the thing was called the biggest fraud in America.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  My Section 8, I had a husband and everything, child, my room was still free.

• 1:07:23Laci Mosley?

  And listen, that's none of anybody's business but yours and your home. And you know, they were.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  And that was their business until you told this goddamn podcast.

• 1:07:30Laci Mosley?

  Well, we don't need to be giving Darrell money, period, okay?

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  I ain't giving nobody money. Darrell, what?

• 1:07:36Laci Mosley?

  Now, no, that's what I'm saying, the Darrell program needs to do something real, they playing.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:07:39Laci Mosley?

  And, and they were also like making kids narks. In 91, an 11-year-old girl named Crystal confessed that her parents liked to smoke weed from time to time. The officer pressed her and found the schedules of her parents, the layout of her house. And then the police raided her home, arrested her parents, and took Crystal and her younger sisters to a distant relative's house, without making sure for any care beforehand. They just like, Crystal was pressured by the police.

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  And Crystal got that ass whooped for telling her mama business when she got back. I guarantee you, Crystal got that ass tapped. Next time you tell a motherfucker, when I'm getting high, you little black motherfucker, Crystal ain't never told on nobody else, I guarantee you that. Where you at, Crystal?

• 1:08:18Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, Crystal's down bad, I feel, but also.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  Ain't no Crystal down bad, Crystal got that ass beat. After that mama got her back, she beat that ass, she beat that ass. And I'd have beat Crystal's ass too, and I'd have beat her sister's ass, even though she didn't tell.

• 1:08:29Laci Mosley?

  I just feel like Crystal, you 11 years old, you kind of big enough to know that you should never give anybody the layout of your home and your parents' schedules. Like, how, what did you think, how did you think that was gonna help you?

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  That girl did not give nobody no layout of the home. Don't believe that white folk shit. You ever heard of something called the county? The county has a layout of every home that ever been built in this country. Them motherfucking white people went down there to the county and put in their address, and they gave them the layout of the home at the tax assessor office. That baby don't know no layout of no motherfucking home. They went and pulled that shit, bust in there, and Crystal might have said, it said, it said, my mama room, that room right there on the right.

• 1:09:06Laci Mosley?

  That's what I was thinking, like, maybe it was on the left or on the right. I'm not saying she pulled out a floor map like she was in Ocean's Eleven, and she was like, now we go on the perimeter and then we move through the back door.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  They, they, did Crystal get paid? Cause had Crystal got paid, I'd have told on my mama too, it was the eighties, shit was rough. It was hard for a nigga to get some candy. Yeah, so shit.

• 1:09:26Laci Mosley?

  Okay, you can't rat your mama out for the candy lady now, that's, that's not enough.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  You ain't shit, you know, you, you don't know what Crystal was going through, but I can guarantee you when Crystal got back, Crystal got the fuck beat out of her, and she ain't telling to this day. Where you at, Crystal? Call into this podcast and tell her how your ass felt in 1988 when you ran your fucking mouth too much.

• 1:09:44Laci Mosley?

  Lord Jesus.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  I bet that black mama beat the shit out of Crystal. See, her name was just Resta, she beat the sea off that motherfucker when she got through.

• 1:09:53Speaker 01

  Cause the way I would have beat her motherfucking, they have a telling my motherfucking big. And you know, black mommas will tell you, bitch, what goes on in this house, stay in this house. You say something outside that door, I'll beat the fuck out of you. I would beat them motherfucking headbows out your head. I tell mines all the time, I just, don't play with me playing your pussy's more interesting.

• 1:10:10Laci Mosley?

  Well, and, and that's a proverb, that is a.

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  What the fuck is a proverb? You should go with the education shit, proverb.

• 1:10:18Laci Mosley?

  Oh my gosh, Ms. Pat, who on my ass?

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  Is that like a noun and pronoun?

• 1:10:22Laci Mosley?

  No, so proverb is like, it's like a phrase, like a saying, like a wisdom phrase.

• 1:10:25Speaker 01

  Oh, there ain't no noun verb?

• 1:10:27Laci Mosley?

  No, like proverbs, like African proverbs, or like, you know, like.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  I don't know about no African, I'm African American.

• 1:10:32Laci Mosley?

  I'm African American too, I'm just black.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:10:34Laci Mosley?

  It's just phrases that people say. I'm trying to think of one, like, like a bird in one hand is worth two in the bush. That's proverb.

• 1:10:41Speaker 01

  That's a saying.

• 1:10:42Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, same shit.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  Now, tell you something, you in the education shit, I mean.

• 1:10:45Laci Mosley?

  Oh my god.

• 1:10:48Laci Mosley?

  Oh my god. You know what?

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  Don't fuck you with a proverb, they be saying that shit in church.

• 1:10:52Laci Mosley?

  I've been bested, and I had a feeling that I would be.

• 1:10:55Speaker 01

  What is bested?

• 1:10:56Laci Mosley?

  I said bested, bested, like you have bested me. I knew I was gonna come in here and get my ass whooped.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  See, this is why I talk to young people, cause they talk French.

• 1:11:03Laci Mosley?

  That's not even, that's a regular word.

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  But there ain't no, I ain't never heard of bested, your best friend?

• 1:11:07Laci Mosley?

  Bested, like B E S T E D, that is a regular word.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  I ain't never, my life heard that word. That one on my G D ten.

• 1:11:14Laci Mosley?

  Okay, beef, stung.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  Beavis and Butthead, y'all ever heard of bested?

• 1:11:20Speaker 01

  Beavis and Butthead said, you talking that nigga shit.

• 1:11:24Laci Mosley?

  They're not gonna work with me again.

• 1:11:25Speaker 01

  We love y'all. Beavis and Butthead said, they never heard that nigga shit, you talking that some bullshit right now. Don't be scared to speak up, Beavis and Butthead, she gonna pay y'all.

• 1:11:33Laci Mosley?

  Oh my god, what are final thoughts to add on this is like, this program doesn't work.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  Next week, do not let them call y'all Beavis and Butthead, cause that's my name for y'all.

• 1:11:41Laci Mosley?

  Nobody's never gonna do that, Ms. Pat, nobody's ever gonna do that.

• 1:11:44Speaker 01

  That's my name for them, when I come back. And y'all invited to the barbecue. Okay, and if you ever looking for some black coochie, not for sale, hit me up. Not me person, but I know somebody.

• 1:11:56Laci Mosley?

  But, but not for sale?

• 1:11:58Speaker 01

  They got no money.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  Dude, they look like they got some money, they got on New Balances, they ain't got no money, they ain't got no money.

• 1:12:08Speaker 01

  Ain't nobody says no white man don't put no New Balance on?

• 1:12:11Laci Mosley?

  You never know, they be wearing some New Balances sometimes, just be, you know, like the tech bros be.

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  They don't wear fly New Balance, they tell, you, you know what I don't like about white men?

• 1:12:19Laci Mosley?

  You don't have to get off my team, Ms. Pat.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  You know what I hate about white men? Y'all tell y'all shoes too tight, that shit irks the shit out of me. They always, they, they tie their shoe like they about to take off running. I be like, why the fuck your shoe? Why you do that to the tongue on your shoe, your tongue can't breathe?

• 1:12:38Laci Mosley?

  Ms. Pat.

• 1:12:39Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 1:12:40Laci Mosley?

  What are your, what are your final thoughts on the Darrell program? I will say mine are that it's ineffective, it costs way too much money.

• 1:12:48Speaker 01

  We ain't talking about that shit no more.

• 1:12:49Laci Mosley?

  I just, we're just wrapping it up. I'm not gonna read nothing, I'm not reading nothing else. I'm not reading anything else.

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  I fucked the Darrell program.

• 1:12:56Laci Mosley?

  All right.

• 1:12:57Speaker 01

  I ain't, we talking about that other shit, you don't want that bullshit?

• 1:13:00Laci Mosley?

  You just trying to talk about my engineers, my porn engineers.

• 1:13:04Speaker 01

  I love y'all Beavis and Butthead, they laughing.

• 1:13:07Laci Mosley?

  You just thought they was there kicking it? You just thought I brought in some white men for some flavor?

• 1:13:11Speaker 01

  No, they ain't no flavor.

• 1:13:13Laci Mosley?

  I set myself up for that, I set myself up for that.

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  No, I know, I, I, they work for you.

• 1:13:18Laci Mosley?

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:13:19Speaker 01

  Who you thought I, what you thought I thought?

• 1:13:22Laci Mosley?

  No, I didn't think that, I'm just.

• 1:13:24Speaker 01

  Excuse me.

• 1:13:25Laci Mosley?

  I didn't think that.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  Look, I'm fat, and that shit come out slow.

• 1:13:28Laci Mosley?

  No, you been sucking up air in an empty straw when that coke was gone.

• 1:13:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I'm silently farting like your president, you just can't hear.

• 1:13:39Laci Mosley?

  Well, Ms. Pat, thank you for coming on the show.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me. I had a good time.

• 1:13:44Laci Mosley?

  Wait, I don't know if you did.

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  For the first 20 minutes, I was sick of you. I ain't gonna lie.

• 1:13:48Laci Mosley?

  Okay.

• 1:13:48Speaker 01

  I said, "This bitch is gonna read all these cards."

• 1:13:50Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:13:51Speaker 01

  She gonna kill me reading all these goddamn cards.

• 1:13:54Laci Mosley?

  I told you, interrupt. Interrupt.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  Ain't no interrupt. You shouldn't even bring nobody in reading all them goddamn cards, but you like to read. But next time, just have a conversation. Just, next time, we just get some food at that right baby's. Ay.

• 1:14:08Laci Mosley?

  Next time, I will change-

• 1:14:09Speaker 01

  We gonna get some food, and we gonna sit down and eat.

• 1:14:12Laci Mosley?

  Ms. Pat-

• 1:14:12Speaker 01

  We ain't gonna be listening to all that bullshit on them goddamn cards.

• 1:14:14Laci Mosley?

  Next time I have you on the podcast, I will completely change the whole format. Fuck six years. I will change the whole format.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  Six years? What's six years?

• 1:14:20Laci Mosley?

  I'm doing this podcast.

• 1:14:21Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 1:14:22Laci Mosley?

  I will change the whole format, okay? Because I don't want you to be bored that you are an icon, okay?

• 1:14:27Speaker 01

  I was so goddamn sleepy. I said, "I gotta do something." Tell him to fall asleep.

• 1:14:30Laci Mosley?

  I know you gonna talk, you gonna get out here and talk cash shit about me. You and Luna, I gotta, I gotta work on my, my women of that, that age group stand-up comic.

• 1:14:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, because you can't be boring. Now, we got short tempers. I mean, span, sit, whatever fucking call, we can't stay asleep that long. I mean, awake that long.

• 1:14:47Laci Mosley?

  Your Freudian slips are just like, "I got short temper. I can't stay asleep that long."

• 1:14:52Speaker 01

  I can't stay awake or sleep. Shit, I'm tired of motherfuckers.

• 1:14:55Laci Mosley?

  You know what? We gonna get you out of here.

• 1:14:56Speaker 01

  My panty line need to be changed right now.

• 1:14:58Laci Mosley?

  Oh, well, you know what? We gonna get you right on to changing that. But first, where would you like to be found? Anything you want to promote, socials, whatever that may be?

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  If you're not buying dope, I'm on Instagram and all the social media. At MsPatComedy, oh, I'm sorry. Is it, I mean, Comedian Ms. Pat, I'm about to give my motherfucking email. I mean, my website. It's MsPatComedy.com to go and get my book. That's my book right there.

• 1:15:20Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 1:15:20Speaker 01

  Come out, uh, it's out now, because it's, when it's come out? It's out now. Also, uh, you go to Comedian Ms. Pat, and it's spelt like a girl. C-O-M-E-D-I-E-N-N-E, something like that.

• 1:15:33Laci Mosley?

  Ooh.

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  M-S-P-A-T. Go to Ms. Pat and get everything you need. Don't come to my page talking shit to me because I talk bad. I will cuss you the fuck out and your mama, and I'm gonna look up your tree and they got ADHD. And I'm gonna call the social security off and tell them that your child don't need that chick. So don't fuck with me playing your vagina.

• 1:15:48Laci Mosley?

  I know the kids with ADHD.

• 1:15:49Speaker 01

  You got, huh? You got ADHD?

• 1:15:52Laci Mosley?

  Yes. You said that like, it was like it was a terminal illness.

• 1:15:56Speaker 01

  It is.

• 1:15:59Speaker 01

  What kind of ADHD you got?

• 1:16:03Laci Mosley?

  Like, A U A D H D, yeah.

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  How you know you got ADHD?

• 1:16:06Laci Mosley?

  I was diagnosed by psychiatrist.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  Well, why you, why they diagnosed you?

• 1:16:10Laci Mosley?

  Because of the symptoms.

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  What was your symptom?

• 1:16:13Laci Mosley?

  Uh, all of them.

• 1:16:14Speaker 01

  Dare?

• 1:16:15Laci Mosley?

  What?

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  Dare.

• 1:16:17Laci Mosley?

  I didn't do a drug and then get ADHD. Okay, RFK, listen.

• 1:16:22Speaker 01

  What was your symptom?

• 1:16:24Laci Mosley?

  No, there's, there's tons of symptoms of ADHD. Like, usually distracted, uh, loss of executive fu- you really want me to list all of them?

• 1:16:31Speaker 01

  But, women, what's this loss of what?

• 1:16:33Laci Mosley?

  Loss of executive function.

• 1:16:35Speaker 01

  What is loss of executive, you went paralyzed?

• 1:16:37Laci Mosley?

  No, executive function is like that part of your brain that makes you do tasks. And so when you have ADHD, tasks seem harder, or you don't want to do them. Or you start them and don't finish them. Or, you know what I mean? Sometimes it-

• 1:16:48Speaker 01

  Well, in that the case, the motherfucking world got ADHD.

• 1:16:50Laci Mosley?

  There's a lot more things, but I don't have to list them off here. That's not what we're here for. You've done an amazing job, Ms. Pat. And now people know that, fuck dare.

• 1:16:59Speaker 01

  You know, back in the day, if you, if you, if you, your executive, what you call it?

• 1:17:02Laci Mosley?

  Executive function?

• 1:17:03Speaker 01

  If you had the executive function at work, they called you retarded. But thank God, they got a different diagnosis.

• 1:17:08Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my God, you sound like that Baltimore mayor guy.

• 1:17:12Laci Mosley?

  Neighborhood produce. Oh, Lord, Ms. Pat. Well, thank you so much for being here. We appreciate you.

• 1:17:18Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me, Scam Goddess.

• 1:17:19Laci Mosley?

  Yes, oh, my gosh.

• 1:17:20Speaker 01

  I thought she was gonna talk about some blacks scam. She here telling on the white people. She be telling on the white people. And the next episode, I don't know who gonna be here, but I'm going big.

• 1:17:31Laci Mosley?

  Well, as always, you can find me at D I V A L A C I D, Velaci, on all platforms. If you want to follow the show and look at all of our great dare graphics. If you care about dare more than Ms. Pat, you can go on Scam Goddess Pod on any profile, and you'll see clips, videos, and all of this. You can get my book, Scam Goddess, wherever books are sold. And you can stream the first season of Scam Goddess on Hulu right now, along with Go in Dutch. And, oh, God, I Carley, and there's so many shows. Watch the TV shows, guys. Thank you so much. And give us five stars on Apple, okay? Dare to give us five stars, okay? And congregation,

• 1:18:07Laci Mosley?

  stay daring.

• 1:18:19Speaker 00

  Hola a todos. Soy Jamie Lynn Sigler. Cuando me diagnosticaron, tenía veintitantos años, y todo mi mundo cambió por completo. Pero con el tiempo decidí que no iba a permitir que eso frenara mi vida. Quise tomar las riendas. Y después de hablar con mi médico sobre mis opciones, la elección para mí fue obvia. Boom, eso es KISSIMTA. Obtenga más información sobre KISSIMTA off of Tumamap en kissimta.com. Okay, laundry stinks, literally. I mean, you could just keep buying new underwear. Not that I've ever done that. Or maybe sort your clothes into piles based on how re-wearable or filthy they are.

• 1:19:02Speaker 00

  Or just use Arm & Hammer Deep Clean. It's made for real-life stinks and stains. So even if you don't do laundry the, quote, "right way," Deep Clean will knock it out. I mean, it is from the number-one liquid detergent brand that tackles more loads than any other. Come clean with Arm & Hammer Deep Clean. Number-one claim based on total wash loads sold.

• 1:19:25Speaker 04

  Cash Flow Crunch? OnDeck's small-business line of credit gives your business immediate access to funds, up to $200,000, right when you need it. Cover seasonal dips, manage payroll, restock inventory, or tackle unexpected expenses without missing a beat. With flexible draws, transparent pricing, and control over repayment, get funded quickly and confidently. Apply today at ondeck.com. Funds could be available as soon as tomorrow. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by OnDeck or Celtic Bank. OnDeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

• 1:19:55Laci Mosley?

  This is Ashley Conetti from the Ben & Ashley Eye, almost same as podcast. You know that feeling when your skin just needs a tall drink of water? That's what Clinique Moisture Surge 100-Hour Moisturizer is for. Moisture Surge 100-Hour Moisturizer absorbs instantly and hydrates for 100 hours for plump, glowing skin. That's right, 100 hours. It's a lightweight, oil-free gel cream, safe for sensitive skin. It's allergy-tested and fragrance-free. So try Clinique Moisture Surge 100-Hour today at clinique.com. Feels like Moisture Surge.

• 1:20:32Speaker 00

  Some days, it's the little things you look forward to most. And with Pepperidge Farm's thoughtfully crafted cookies, there's always something worth savoring. Maybe it's a Milano, made with premium chocolate between two delicate biscuits. A Sausalito, baked with rich milk chocolate chunks and macadamia nuts. Or the simple, buttery goodness of a chestman. So pour the coffee, find a comfy chair, and take a moment to treat yourself to a cookie. Or two. Pepperidge Farm. Have a little taste.

• 1:21:02Speaker 06

  Hola, es Mr. Monopoly. Has you had dreamed of earning $50,000 for the first house? Or a gift Cherokee of the year? Monopoly is back at McDonald's. And those are some of the prizes you could have won. Hope for your own. No need to compare 50 states of the United States and DC. 18 years or more. Consult the regulations in playermcd.com and playermcd.com/ame for information about playing without a purchase by mail until the 2th of November. The Chance Hard game ends on the 8th of November. The game ends on the 22th of November of 2026. Details of the prizes in the regulations. Monopoly is a registered house.

• 1:21:32Speaker 02

  In business, there's the easy way with Staples or the hard way. Hard means-

• 1:21:36Speaker 01

  Hey, did you proof the signs before having them printed? I think so. Because we're having a clearance sale, not a Clarence sale. Oh, big difference.

• 1:21:44Speaker 02

  Easy means professional-looking prints every time. Don't choose hard, choose Staples. And now at Staples, get 25% back in points on all custom prints. That was easy. Shop Staples online, in-store, or in the app. Ends 10/31. Limit $250 and earn points. $100 minimum purchase. Exclusions apply. See app for details.